#i am avoiding my friends. i am in no shape to hang out

[grotesqv]

dear diary

this one will go in the tags

[hwaightme]

GUY.exe

(masterlist) (perma-taglist)

✏️ pairing: yunho x gn!reader ✏️ genre: fluff, crack, friends? to lovers, drawing? to lover ✏️ summary: you never expected for the character you designed for the newest dating simulator to be quite as realistic as this ✏️ wordcount: 5.0k ✏️ warnings/tags: questionable editing, unhinged crack galore, fever dream, digital artist / designer reader, shy boy best friend yunho, lowkey referencing the song the fic is named after (GUY.exe by SUP3RFRUIT) ✏️ taglist: at the bottom of the fic~ ✏️ a/n: HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY LOVE MY NADIA @justhere4kpop !!! you are the kindest, funniest, sweetest person ever, i love you so so much and i am so grateful for every day because it means i can spend it with you <3 wishing you the best day, all the most amazing things, experiences, achievements and more!!

Another hour more, and you were going to scream. Hunched over your drawing tablet with bloodshot eyes and a cramping hand, you had been drawing and redrawing what seemed to be the same thing over and over again. But nothing gave you that magical feeling of completion and rightness when the abstract lines and shapes and shadows and doodles all came together on a page to form one whole. What you were experiencing was, in fact, very much the opposite. All because of these damn dumb brown doe eyes that you had decided to give to the character. Of course. What other eyes could the golden retriever type have, right? What other kinds of eyes would your boss approve of for the established archetype, the persona that you had ideated, storyboarded and proposed not only in front of your immediate team but also to senior management? That was right. None. No other. Only these doe eyes that you had been staring at and cursing profusely for the last four hours after having promised yourself that you would try to get to bed at ten in the evening instead of the less-than encouraging past midnight madness. But who were you kidding? 

Setting down the pen, you leaned back to stretch, hearing random joints crack and echo around your body, making you wonder if you have even been moving at all for the past few weeks. Having the opportunity to work from home during fast-paced sprints was, of course, a big benefit, but all too often for you, it also meant only ever walking from your home office to your kitchen and back, with the occasional bathroom break and a flop onto the armchair you had dragged into your office for designated social media scrolling time. Gone from the world, with your friends having nicknamed you an e-hermit in not one, but two separate chats. Zoned out and barely hanging onto the words spewed by your superiors, much like the rest of your fellow designers working on this same project, be it other characters, setting, clothing customisation options, accessories, or special items… as the main project lead, boss of the bosses had said: ‘whatever the user wishes for, should be there’. Who knew that a dating simulator could be that intense and demanding? 

Your drawing tablet was glaring at you, and so were the eyes on its screen, doubled onto your monitor watching your every movement like a painting at a museum would. They were meant to be kind and loving, crafted to complete the sunshine that this character was supposed to be, but the slightest misses in the lines were throwing the image off-kilter, and you could not pinpoint what was wrong. Reaching out for the now lukewarm cup of coffee off to the side of your desk, narrowly avoiding the clutter of sketches and notes you had made, you heaved a sigh, pondering if it would be the wisest to simply resign yourself to abandoning the task for today, and pick it up at work tomorrow. It was not like you would be punished for having the eyes be slightly off during an update meeting, after all, this was an ongoing process. But the perfectionist part of you was not letting go. You had managed to ideally depict everything else - the toned, tall physique with the stunning waist, torso and broad shoulders, the cheeks that made you feel a strong cute aggression, the tousled locks that could then be customised by a player’s colour preference, every other feature of the face that screamed ‘handsome’ and ‘appealing’... you did it all, and you would not be yourself if you could not overcome this little blip.

“One more try…” you whispered to yourself and searched for the file on your computer that contained a user story and profile of the character you had been agonising over. 

One click, another, and the document was up on the screen, revealing an initial concept sketch that you had made when you first proposed the man as a possible love interest for the main character in the simulator, as well as any facts about him, now being even further developed by the story-writers. Page after page, update after update the character in some ways felt more real than you, especially in your current deflated state. A gentleman, a sentimental soul, with what your colleague had called ‘four-dimensional’ traits and overall a funny, adorable sweetheart who at the click of a finger can turn into the sexiest man alive. There was nothing you did not like - aside from some details here and there that you were not sure who added but they had been approved so you had to deal with it, and that was problematic for your work since it meant that you were in the permanent state of wanting to do the character justice. You scrolled back up, starting at the brief, staring at the name as if it wasn’t already imprinted in your mind. Jeong Yunho. 

The dance instructor and choreographer. The talented and hardworking man who the main character would meet third, on her eighth day in Seoul. Born on the twenty-third of March nineteen ninety-nine in the city of Gwangju, moving to Seoul to chase his dreams and fight for them. Special talents… skills… favourite phrases… preferences… key memories… you read on, re-absorbing the details and rearranging them on imaginary shelves, trying to make sense of the information in the context of character design. How were you going to depict all of this in a pair of eyes? A part of you was confident that you were overthinking - actually, you definitely were. Not a single other designer was on Yunho's creation, and developers were going to look at him not as a persona, as a representation of a being that had become real in your mind, but as a task to execute, lines of code to make him move in predetermined ways, make him talks in predetermined ways, smile… yes, you were excited to see him be just that bit more alive, but at the same time, you were afraid of that moment - it would be right then that the world you had subconsciously built for you and him alone would be shattered, and your daydreams dispelled, maybe even crushed. So, getting the eyes perfect right now was the least you could do. At least your Yunho would be perfect.

Swearing under your breath, you picked up the pen once more and twirled it once around your fingers. His personality was fresh on your mind, heart racing, you could almost imagine him in front of you. With a final nod of encouragement, you dived back in, with more vigour and motivation than before, determined to get Yunho right, and to depict him how he truly was, how you knew he should be. The time ticked past, and so did the layers of doubt. Erasing themselves along with strokes of the digital brushes that dissatisfied you, you were unveiling the true character, and with a light heart, a smile on your face and a saved file, leaned onto your desk and rested your head on your crossed arms, just for a quick break to relish in the fact that you finally achieved the look that you had been searching for…

“Hey, good morning you worker bee, what did I tell you about sleeping at your desk?”

You never thought you could yell, right after waking up, as loud as you did at that moment. Jolting up from your seat, forgetting all the papers, equipment and stationery that was strewn about on the table on which you had been dozing, you bolted away from the source of the voice. It had resounded far too close to you for comfort, belonged to no one whom you knew, and was dangerously sweet and slightly lower-set. Pleasant. But who the hell was in your apartment and how did they break in when you almost always double-locked your door? After building up a bit of distance, you finally looked up and rubbed the last bits of sleep from your eyes. The figure was lean, toned, considerably tall, perhaps even very tall, definitely a man, with dark hair and a face that was a bit too similar to-

Jeong Yunho. Jaw-dropping, you darted back to your tablet and computer, practically shaking the mouse, forcing the entire digital system to begrudgingly awaken at your command. You searched everywhere. The open file, others, older versions… nothing. No luck in finding what you had been working on. It was as if the Yunho you had been spending weeks developing had never existed, and all that you were left with and were staring at was a blank page, and the character, no, a whole man, right in front of you, supposedly living, breathing and in your room. You stood up straight, giving the not-quite-a-stranger but still a stranger a once over, while he, confused, had an eyebrow raised and a sheepish smile on his face. He looked adorable that way. Abashed to the point of cuteness - you recalled a game developer on your team describing the planned emotional response functionality in that way; it had been a hit, and now you were seeing, in person, why. 

“Y-Yunho?” you whispered in disbelief, a hand hovering over your mouth while you were wondering whether you should officially report yourself to your boss for having succumbed to the delusions. Relief flashed over the beautiful man’s features when you mentioned his name, timidly, yes, but still, it was his name that you uttered.

“Yes, Y/N, that’s me, hey, don’t worry.”

“Y/N?” He knew your name. This was too real - a shriek erupted from what felt like the depths of your soul, and you shut your eyes, only to open them again and to see the same picture, but a little more zoomed in. He was approaching you. Code red, alert, alert, hot man of your dreams who you had been drawing all the time and were effectively being paid to thirst over was approaching you.

“Do you not remember me or something, are you okay? See I keep telling you to not sleep so late, it’s bad for you-”

“Look who’s talking, mister ‘time to text at two in the morning’,” It was a shot in the dark, a random recollection of facts that had been noted about Yunho, but that was true, since he stopped immediately, a dazzling smile on his face.

“Alright, alright, you got me. But hey, you answer me so we are in this together, right?” he countered, and winked. 

“Yeah… and I should stop drinking coffee that late, it gives me some cursed… abilities…” you concluded cryptically, though Yunho did not seem to care much about the wording, taking it as your account of how easily you had been spooked by him.

After the initial wave of ‘stranger danger’ had subsided, instead being replaced by the odd conviction that the man before you truly was just the representation of the character for the simulator, you crossed your arms and regarded him more slowly, calmly while he approached the book cabinet that was filled to the brim with manga, manhwa, figurines, dolls, action figures… effectively the best representation of what had inspired you and continued to drive you to do what you were doing in your life now. He was dressed casually, in a zip-up grey hoodie and dark grey jeans. He had taken off his shoes and was in black socks that he stuffed into a pair of slippers - so in this reality, Yunho clearly was a regular guest. Scratching the back of your head, you wondered if this was a storyline that had been updated and you were unknowingly hallucinating.

“Well, uh, if you… if you want me to come by another time I don’t mind. Whatever works best for you…”

Oh. It finally clicked in your head, and your heart fluttered. The moment was stark and aching in your mind, and you were barely able to contain yourself, the subconscious fangirl in you fully awakening. The light flush of pink on his cheeks, those damn doe eyes that were so perfect, and were now looking right at you as if you were Yunho’s entire world, it was all a telltale sign for what was to happen later, and the past disappointment at having been woken up and having no more documents to present evaporated. This was another life, it had to be. One where you did not have to worry about the endless story points, bi-weekly sprints and one deliverable after another. Only a very precious Yunho who, while toying with the sleeve of his hoodie was pondering if he was even welcome.

“Hey! No, we were planning to hang out and we are going to. Sorry, you know how work is and it got to me this time. What shall we do then? Go out, stay in?” you amplified your sociability, putting the fantastical aspect of the circumstances on the back burner for future pondering.

Laying down the pen that you had absent-mindedly grabbed for self-defence, you stepped around the desk and towards Yunho, never once breaking the visual exchange, except when his gaze darted to the floor under your intensity. You had the advantage after all, of knowledge. You could sense, and could confirm by your universe, what exactly was going to happen. He was pretending to not be affected by your closeness, looking at the cabinet again, though the tone in which he spoke was vulnerable, every bit the dream guy you were imagining all this time. You could barely resist the urge to pinch his cheek - in fact, you made a mental note to yourself to check if that was a playable option in the game or not.

“Can we… stay in?”

“Take out?” if there was something you would not quite let him do, it would be to give him full power over the kitchen. Perhaps another time, but not when the dream was so magnificent.

“You bet! I’m buying this time-”

“Yun, c’mon.”

“Technically I am still the guest.”

“You are much more than a guest-” a pause, a blur within which Yunho was attempting to pick out the meaning behind the words which you had purposefully left to be ambiguous, just to mess with him a little bit. It was too sweet, “I mean, you practically live here at this point,” he groaned and playfully rolled his eyes while continuing to tap in the order to what was for sure meant to be your favourite restaurant in the neighbourhood.

You followed him into your living room. Everything was just as you had left it. Even Yunho’s presence was beginning to feel natural, probably because it had already been pretty much just as constant as him now physically falling onto the couch and leaning back to stretch an arm out over the back of it. Hell, you had even spent some evenings sketching him in this same room. As you settled beside him, while still keeping a little bit of distance - just as friends who were feeling not quite platonic would do, you realised that indeed, you were that close. You did know him ‘since forever’, and whatever this fever dream was, you had every right to enjoy it. So upon pulling your legs onto the couch and under you, you settled in and with a soft sigh began to set up the movie you were going to watch. Just like you and Yunho would do had he been an actual interest of yours.

As the food arrived and was promptly devoured, and you were midway through the film, you found Yunho slowly but surely gravitating towards you. First, it was with an outstretched hand when he was trying to imitate a character on the screen, then with him sitting ever so slightly closer when there was supposedly a ‘spooky moment’ even though you knew full well that out of the two of you, you were the one who would not dare enter a haunted house again, and finally, under the pretence of ‘wanting to show you a funny meme on his phone’ he sat right next to you, thighs flush against each other, arm resting on the sofa right behind your head. You could not help but lean into the warmth, attracted to it, comforted. You knew Yunho inside and out, and if there was anyone who you would trust like this, it would be him. He had seen you at your worst - crying in the office bathrooms when during your early days at the company you had been humiliated by your old boss (who, thankfully, had been promptly fired), and had seen you at your best - your award-winning presentation and proof of concept for an innovative life simulation game, selected as a showpiece for the company at a major global conference. He was always there. Be it on your phone, in a sketchbook, or on your laptop - he was always there, cheering you on. There was no difference between then and now, except that now you could allow your head to rest against his broad chest, hearing the soothing beating of his heart behind the cotton fabrics, feeling how his hand dropped to trace random, intricate shapes on your shoulder while his eyes stayed glued to the television screen. 

You could sense that he was afraid to look at you, or at least of what he would think or do if he were to do so. He was warm. Very warm. Maybe too warm. You looked up, noting the adorable redness of his ears that appeared only in particular instances: either he just woke up from deep sleep which was not the case, or he had violently shaken his head and rubbed his ears - another no, or he was embarrassed and shy. Bingo. There it was. You nuzzled against him and swore you could feel his entire body stiffen. Just like when a cat makes a person ‘ the chosen one’ by lying on their lap and said person almost forgets to breathe, you nearly knocked consciousness out of Yunho, it seemed.

“What’s up?” you mumbled, noting that Yunho straightened his back, sitting in an unnatural position.

“I, uh, nothing, it’s nothing,” he responded, clearing his throat, still not daring to look to the side to face you. 

A pause. That was his character - you nodded to yourself. He had always been like this. Sympathy through the roof but when it came to his openness - he far from often strayed into that field. It would take quite a bit of coaxing, or, somehow easier, waiting for the right moment. So wait you did, comfortably resting against Yunho, insistent that he return to his previously unwinded state. Before you could snake your hand around him to pull his hood up, your friend suddenly shot up, mumbling something about it being too stuffy, or too hot, and tugged the article of clothing off.

All would be fine and dandy if he was not built how he was - and you knew it better than anyone, however strange it was to admit. After all, you had been the one to pick and sketch out his physique, knowing every muscle, curve and edge. As he fumbled with the sleeves, you took in his form, mouth agape as you saw what you had only perceived two-dimensionally, now in live action, and somehow being the one case of where the transition was impeccable if not better. If he were to turn at any moment, he would bear witness to your disturbingly dedicated scrutiny. But at the same time, what could a digital artist and designer do when a handsome man was right before them? Exactly. It was practically a duty to perceive; if not for personal interests (which you would be a liar if you were to say you did not have them), then at least for science. He looked too good in the dark grey graphic t-shirt, which, despite it being slightly oversize, did its beautiful work by revealing his perfectly toned arms. When you noticed him being in the process of turning back, you peeled your gaze away and back to the movie, not sure where in the storyline you even were, nor what the actors were saying. Patting the space next to you, you beckoned Yunho back. This time, he was calmer in his demeanour, falling back and letting you fall into him, with him, for him - and he was right there to catch you. 

Action scene after action scene turned into a blur, dialogue was static that you were not bothered to discern while you focused on Yunho’s breathing. Shallower than before, but still comforting. Who would have thought that you would be cuddling with your dream man when a mere few hours ago you were holed up behind your desk, with a cramped and stiff neck, an exhausted hand and equally tired eyes? Eyelids grew heavier, and you wondered if it would be long before you would fall asleep again, and wake up alone, as usual; a bitter smile settled on your lips when the realisation hit you, earning you a perplexed glance from Yunho and a poke in your side.

“What are you thinking about?”

“Oh, nothing.”

“Definitely something, he turned to you, studying your every movement. The action led him to detangle himself from you, leading you to shiver a little from the lack of his body heat, “ah wait are you cold now? I- wait, here, hoodie?”

“Thanks.”

Him. In every thread. The scent of clean laundry, cotton, and fabric softener. There was something so magical in it, soothing. You wanted to float in the aroma and this moment forever. Pulling the hoodie tighter around you, you pretended to not notice the adoration that was blatantly obvious in Yunho’s expression. He watched as you pushed up the sleeves a little bit, crossed your legs and looked back at him.  Your friend, your muse and subject was nervous, and it did not need a trained professional to figure it out. The tale was climbing to a peak, and the main characters had to face it together. You waited for him, mellowness across your features as you played with one of the hoodie’s drawstrings.

Yunho looked at you, and something about the purity, and hopefulness within him made you think of the very first drawings you had made on post-its in the middle of a conference. Bored out of your mind, your mind wandered back to pondering the new project you had been assigned - the dating simulator. Idea after idea had been proposed for the characters, but not a single one stuck. Everyone was at a standstill until he came along. A breathtaking blessing, just like he was now. Silence settled like snow, only to be broken by a short hum, and Yunho taking the risk you had been wishing for.

“I… I know it has only been a few months but… I really don’t think I can be friends with you anymore, Y/N,” you tilted your head as he put his hands on his lap, fingers repeatedly messing with the material of his sweatpants - his attempt to soothe himself. You, on the other hand, were oddly calm. Simply waiting for the events to unfold and for you to embrace them with the fullest heart. While he was searching for the right words to say, you placed a hand over his, waking him from rumination. A weak smile was replaced by determination, truth spilling from his soul.

“I like you too much. Really. I would not be able to keep my distance even if I tried.”

“Well I think you are a bit too far away right now, Yun,” with a wave of boldness having washed over you, you acted on instinct, leaning towards the beautiful, infinitely precious man until he could not look away, captivated by your proximity, your glimmering eyes, your acceptance.

“Huh?” the sound was barely audible, an echo lost to the tension. You ran a finger over his jawline, instantly seeing his expression darken with another reverberating, deep sensation.

“We should seal the deal, shouldn’t we?” remaining cryptic, you inched closer and closer until you could pick apart the flicks of lighter mahogany in those stunning irises - you wanted to shake your hand for having persevered to finish them in the drawing. Truly, one of a kind.

“What-”

“Oh just kiss me already-”

That phrase you did not need to tell Yunho twice. Finally catching on, he was the first to destroy the distance between you, capturing your lips with his and letting his hand find purchase in your hair, digits running through it, caressing you, guiding you into a shared rhythm. He was as sweet as vanilla with a hint of cinnamon. An intoxicating, ecstatically overwhelming daze that consumed you whole. You saw the sketches flash before you, burning one by one to fuel the desire building for Yunho, for you, for the two of you together. It felt right, it felt real. Arms over his shoulders, you allowed him to pull you into his lap, embrace you and pepper the softest kisses on your cheeks, and your neck, finding the path back to your lips. You felt more alive than ever with the electricity coursing through your newfound intimacy. Nothing existed. This universe was Yunho, and you could not be happier. Better than in any story that you or your co-workers could develop, better than in any fairytale, the oddity transformed into eternity. This was a dream you wanted to remain in for as long as you-

Saying it was hard to wake up was an understatement. Your entire body had been aching from having fallen asleep in an awkward position over your drawing tablet, you had slept past your alarms and as such had only fifteen minutes to cram getting ready and leaving for the office, and upon checking your schedule you had the ‘pleasure’ of having three more meetings being crammed into it, reducing your lunch break to what was a near null. With a sigh, you moved away from your space, dragging your tired body to your first official interaction of the day after having sat at your desk for a couple of hours, already dreading it. The new CEO - whoever they were, was the ‘I want to know all the details and be one with the teams’ type, how joyful, you wondered how long that would last. 

It was hard to find the motivation, especially after a dream such as yours. It kept on revolving in your head, pressing down on you, making you reminisce the gentle caresses, the sweet words and actions, the delightful kiss that you had managed to just have the time to experience with Yunho. You were seeing your character in an entirely new light, already having reworked some ideas for the possible special event outfits and spammed your close colleagues who were working on the storyline with some ideas about how Yunho could have even better depth and as such, engagement from prospective users. Perhaps for this meeting with authority you just needed to tap into your delusions and it would be good enough - at least they were productive for once. 

While you were setting up the presentation, the rest of your immediate team began to file in, giving you excited waves that you returned with an unprecedented warmth. Pleasant chatter, discussion of possibility, mention of just how special it was that this dating simulator game project was the one the CEO had chosen to see today… you were feeling confident. Whoever this person was going to be, you were going to give your best and-

The door opened. Heads turned. Greetings, bows - all forms of politeness that could be expressed being delivered. People standing up, while you stood up taller by the board, the title slide behind you. You raised your head, only for time to slow down and freeze entirely. Your hold on the clicker tightened, and the only person aside from you who existed at that moment was the newcomer. The CEO. Greeting others with a smile and with equally as elegant bows. Every bit the gentleman in his tailored suit, hair swept back and impeccably styled. Jeong Yunho.

This had to be some kind of joke, right? Was this a dream? The stinging remaining after you pinched your arm slapped you back into reality. No. This Yunho was definitely real. But who was the one you-... the one you started dating? The one who you were way more than colleagues or friends with? Before your mind could accelerate into panicked rumination, his gaze stopped at you, and you could sense everyone else’s attention drift to you too. You were under his spotlight. Melting under what was nothing but kindness in his eyes.

“L/N Y/N, right? I heard a lot about you,” his grin was making you dizzy, memories of his taste resurfacing and sending heat to your cheeks, giving them a light dusting of pink.

“Good things, I hope?” you managed, he chuckled, and sent you a wink before sitting down on his chair.

“The best. I am really looking forward to this,” a playful tease.

“Glad to know this.”

“I heard you made quite a few new developments, how did that happen?” you knew what he was getting at, and that made you feel secure. So it was the same Yunho. That precious Yunho who had confessed to you, the one who had come to life and was now part of yours, by some odd twist of fate had appeared in your company, and was now right in front of you, eager and in love. You smirked while twisting to check the slide one last time, well aware that his only focus ever would be you.

“Came to me in a dream.”

✏️ perma-taglist: @acciocriativity @/justhere4kpop @byuntrash101 @shakalakaboomboo @starillusion13 @hongthoven @cqndiedcherries @uwuheeseungie @cheollipop @frankenstein852 @charreddonuts @miriamxsworld @mingigoo @michel-angelhoe @innsomniacshinestar @foxinnie8 @preciouswoozi @wooyoungjpg @nebulousbookshelf @wowie-hockey @hongjoongs-patience @ssaboala @jaehunnyy @kitten4sannie @maddkitt @cromerteez @lightinyreads @ren-junwrld @burnmepls @pyeonghongrie-main @archivesummer @little-angel-k @marsstarxhwa

thank you for reading! if you enjoyed, please leave a kind reblog, much love!

[mirisss]

Haunting Shadows prequel

Vampire! Mafia! Ateez OT8 x afab! reader

Wordcount ≈ 2.2k

Warnings: mentions of weapons, blood, violence, mentions of someone being unalived, being chased, involuntarily put to sleep, I think that’s it, 

Thank you for the request! I hope you like it! I wrote it at 4 am when I couldn’t sleep so the ending isn’t the best. 

Please reblog!

Third Person POV

In a deep dark alley, somewhere downtown. A group of six men gathered around a seventh man lying on the ground. The man on the ground tried to shield himself from the haunting red glowing eyes staring down at him. The blood-red eyes paired with the guns pointed in his direction, made him realize that he was not getting out of this alley alive. One of the six men took a step forward as two others seemed to appear out of nowhere, or rather, they seemed to be appearing from the shadows. The man who had stepped forward had red hair that almost seemed to glow but right in front of the scared man, the hair morphed from red to black and the facial features of the previous red-haired man changed too. He went from someone the scared man had never seen to someone he recognized quite well. 

“Hello, Lee Jaejoong,” Jaejoong tried to move backward but his back met with a wall stopping his tried escape. “Who are you?” The eight men around him all smirked, revealing sharp fangs, causing him to hold his breath. “My name is Wooyoung, and these are my blood brothers, you may know us as Ateez,” Jaejoong’s heart sank as he recognized the name, Ateez, the largest mafia in the country. Ateez, a mafia group known to not leave anyone who has wronged them alive. “Please, please, I’ll do anything, just please, don’t kill me,” A shorter man stepped forward, giving a silent cue to Wooyoung who immediately stepped back again. “Yeosang, are you sure he is the one?” “Yes, captain, his scent is a complete match to the blood we found,” “Jaejoong, Jaejoong, Jaejoong… mm… and here I thought our partnership was going so well but you just had to mess it up, what a shame” The one called captain, moved around a little while sending a terrifying glare to the man on the ground. “Yunho, Mingi, take care of him. Jongho, keep guard. Seonghwa, San. Go fetch the car, no need to waste any more time on this one,” “Hongjoong, captain, someone’s getting close,” 

It was around 10 pm when (Y/n) decided to leave the university library to head home. Her back hurt from crouching for a few hours, trying to study as much as she could for an upcoming exam. Only a few students were still around, most of them studying with a few just hanging out with their friends. (Y/n) walked along her usual path, soon approaching the part she hated walking by. It was a dark alley downtown. While she had never seen or heard anyone there, she always felt uneasy walking past it but there were no other paths she could walk to get home from uni so she couldn’t avoid it. She took up her phone, prepared to call for help should anything happen. 

For the first time, as (Y/n) came close to the alley she found a light coming from deep within the alley. Her unease increased, that could only mean that someone was down there, she thought. Just as (Y/n) came to the opening of the alley, she saw two dark figures walking in her direction as she heard a loud noise. It sounded frighteningly familiar to a gun being fired, followed by a scream. Or rather two screams. One from whoever was shot and one from (Y/n). 

(Y/n) ran as fast as she could away from the alley, continuing her way home. Hoping that whoever had been walking toward her from the alley wouldn’t follow her, but if they were following she hoped they wouldn’t be able to catch up with her. 

“Hongjoong, captain, someone’s getting close,” Hongjoong turned to Yeosang who looked worried after picking up an unfamiliar scent coming closer to them. “Hwa, San, check it out on your way,” “Yes, sir,” As they began walking away, they could make out the shape of a girl or woman in the distance. Just as they were within eyesight of the human, a gunshot rang through the alley followed by a scream that bounced off the walls out toward the road. Within a second, another scream resonated through the eight vampire’s ears. Seonghwa and San saw the human look at them and then run for their life away from them. “Catch her,” Seonghwa muttered to which San ran full speed after the human. 

(Y/n) was terrified as she heard loud footsteps in pursuit of her. Please, I don’t want to die, not like this. She was getting tired after running for a few minutes, not even the adrenaline pumping through could keep her going for much longer. (Y/n) turned her head to try and see just how close the person behind her was only to find no one, feeling hopeful she turned her head back thinking she was safe, only to see a man standing a few meters in front of her. He seemed completely unfazed while (Y/n) was panting loudly, coming to a complete stop only three steps away from the man. What the hell? How did he get in front of me? (Y/n)’s eyes shot open as wide as they could when she looked into the, very attractive, man’s eyes only to find them shifting from a deep brown to a glowing purple. 

San was surprised by the overwhelming warmth that emerged throughout his entire body when he met the human’s eyes. His sight disappeared for a second only to come back a bit hazy, a purple tint now colored the world. A tint he had experienced before when he first met the other seven vampires in his group. This human, was their final soulmate. The missing piece of their connection. 

“Please don’t hurt me,” (Y/n) didn’t know what to do, her legs felt weak from the running and suddenly her heart was beating fast not only from fear and the running, but from the way this man was looking at her. While his gaze was threatening, it didn’t seem malicious, no it seemed more like longing. Another pair of footsteps could be heard approaching from behind (Y/n), but she didn’t dare look away from the man in front of her. “San, what’s going on?” “Hwa-hyung, it’s her,” “I may be older than you but I am not dumb, obviously this is the one who overheard our business,” “No, hyung, I mean she’s the final one,” Seonghwa stared at San a bit confused, it wasn’t until Seonghwa looked at his younger soulmate’s eyes that he realized what he meant. “Our soulmate?” San couldn’t do more than give a slight nod in answer, to captivated by the woman in front of him. 

Seonghwa carefully approached the human and put his hand on her shoulder, applying a bit of pressure to turn her toward him. (Y/n) was surprised both by the action but also by the handsome face she was now only mere centimeters from. The deep brown eyes of this man also shifted into a purple color, making the human gasp. Seonghwa shivered from the feeling of experiencing the first look at his final soulmate. The vampire quickly gathered himself though, shaking away the lovesick feeling that had made San freeze. The purple color in his eyes slowly faded back to brown only to shift into a glowing red. Seonghwa looked deep into (Y/n)’s eyes before he whispered: Sleep. (Y/n) immediately felt drowsy as her legs grew even weaker and her eyelids grew heavy, before she knew it she faded into unconsciousness. Seonghwa captured her body as she fell asleep. “Let’s go to the others,” San had finally managed to shake away the shock and could finally move and think freely again. 

The two vampires didn’t make it far before their six other soulmates approached them with questioning looks as they noticed the unconscious woman in Seonghwa’s arms. “Boys, let me introduce you to our soulmate,” Mingi gasped loudly while Wooyoung shouted out of joy. Yunho and Jongho looked at each other with happy smiles as Hongjoong and Yeosang both only looked down at the woman. No one said anything more as they simply walked to their van, bringing the human with them to their home. 

When (Y/n) woke up she could barely recall anything from the night before. Her memory felt foggy, she remembered walking home from uni but somewhere in the middle of the walk, everything turned black. The bed she was sleeping on was unfamiliarly soft and big. (Y/n) sat up and tried to shake off the sleepiness to focus on her surroundings. She quickly realized that this was not her bedroom nor any room in her apartment nor was it any of her friend’s homes. Hell, this room was pretty much as big as her entire apartment. (Y/n) looked around for her phone as quietly as she could but to no avail, she couldn’t find it anywhere. 

“She’s awake,” Yeosang said as he walked into the kitchen where the other seven vampires were gathered. “Earlier than usual,” Yunho pointed out. “It might not have been as effective because of the mating bond,” Seonghwa responded, usually when he used his gift of absolute command the effect wouldn’t subside for at least 12 hours, especially not the sleep command. Yet this time, it had only worked for about 8 hours. “That’s most likely it, the mating bond is known to mess with the effectiveness of gifts,” Hongjoong said before taking a sip of his coffee. “Should we go meet her?” Mingi asked, quite excited to finally meet the missing piece of their bond. “Yeah, let’s go,” Jongho said excitedly. “Come on, I really want to see her,” Wooyoung whined, he was ready to break down the door just to see her. “Let’s do it,” Hongjong said, as the leader he was the one to have the final say on most decisions they made, though sometimes Seonghwa as the oldest would be the one in charge, it depended on the situation. 

The eight vampires walked toward the room in which (Y/n) was still trying to find her phone. She didn’t stop searching until she heard the door creaking as it opened. (Y/n) turned toward the door coming to face eight unfamiliar men, six out of these men caught her attention one by one as their eyes slowly blossomed from brown to purple. This awakened a memory from the prior night, brown eyes turning purple, she also faintly remembered something red too. It took her a few moments until everything came back to her. Walking home, seeing the alley being lit up, hearing a gunshot, screams, running, facing two of these eight men before becoming unconscious and waking up in the unfamiliar room. 

Hongjoong, Yunho, Yeosang, Mingi, Wooyoung, and Jongho were all overcome with the euphoric feeling of meeting their soulmate. Seonghwa was the first to step into the room, a kind smile grazed his lips as he tried to make the human feel less scared. “I apologize about all of this, what happened yesterday and us barging in like this. All of it will make sense in a few moments if we may explain it to you,” He stopped speaking for a second, clearly indicating that he expected an answer from (Y/n) to his half-question-half-statement. (Y/n) didn’t dare deny it so she simply nodded her head. “Good, my name is Seonghwa, and you remember San from last night, the red-haired one is Wooyoung, the tall blonde one is Mingi, the other tall one is Yunho, the buff one is Jongho, this is Hongjoong our leader, and finally we have our handsome Yeosang. What is your name?” 

“I’m (Y/n),” (Y/n) couldn’t help but notice the fangs that protruded from Seonghwa’s mouth as he smiled and spoke. Eyes that turn purple and red, super speed or something like it, making me fall asleep just like that, fangs, soulmate… What kind of freaky fantasy book have I fallen into? Are they vampires? No way, right? “(Y/n), what a beautiful name,” Yunho said as he smiled brightly, showing his fangs which only confirmed (Y/n)’s delusional thought. “Are you vampires or am I going crazy?” They all chuckled at (Y/n)’s question, a little surprised that she had put it together so quickly. 

“You are correct, we are, indeed, vampires. And you dear (Y/n), are our soulmate,” Wooyoung said as he sent a wink her way as well as a beautiful smile, a smile that revealed yet another set of fangs to the human. (Y/n) just nodded before she turned her back to the men, counting her fingers to try and see if she was dreaming but she found 10 fingers confirming she was awake. She turned back to the alleged vampires. “Please explain all of this in detail because I still think I am asleep,” After a lengthy explanation and discussion on how they were vampires and what a soulmate meant with more. The nine soulmates began their relationship that would continue for eternity as (Y/n), even though she is human, was gifted immortality to be able to accompany her soulmates forever. 

[everygayhere]

may the fun commence

Here is the second part so i decided to finish and just post it today hopefully you guy enjoy it its a little bit longer then the last one. Also sorry for the long wait. gif not mine.

summary: Y/N a college student who is traveling to Malibu beach and have a fun vacation and maybe get to know her crush Marlow a bit more, while also avoiding Tara the most annoying person. Little does she know that maybe more interesting paths await her at this beach house. Tara carpenter a free spirted women who likes to have her fun drinking and hanging out with friends and avoiding the one person she knows won't be here Y/N.

warnings: drugs, swearing.

could this mean something new maybe?

part 1, part 2

As Y/n enters the house she can feel the vibrations of the music through the floorboards. A force pulls her towards what she assumes is the kitchen. “Okay so what would you like to drink?” Alva turns to Y/N holding a cup in her hand. “Uh nothing?” y/n questions well looking at Alva who is looking at her with a ‘really look’. “Okay well i'm just gonna mix something up for you then”. 

“Don’t Alva I really don't want to drink tonight especially if I want to smoke something good tonight”  Y/N respondes looking dead serious. “Okay then well there's some weed up in my bedroom last door on the right up stairs” “thank you Alva”  Y/n responds smirking, well walking away, as she’s walking through the crowded room she bumps into someone almost knocking them down but before they could fall she grabs them by the waist and pulls them up. “I’m so sorry are you-” oh hell nah why god why me, it could have been anyone but her please for the loving hell. “Oh Tara, you seem fine, well i’m gonna go now”  as Y/n goes to leave Tara carpenter makes a snarky comment “yeah no i'm perfectly fine thanks for ruining my mood, i mean who the hell invited you.” 

Instead of commenting back Y/n just shakes her head and walks away heading up to Alva’s room looking for weed. As Y/n makes it to Alva’s room she starts looking around in her bag and her room until she finds her tin. “Yess fucking finally” Y/n shouts well shacking her fist in the air well she opens the tin she checks her pocket for her lucky lighter, when she finally feels the shape of it in her pocket she pulls it out well also pulling out a pre rolled blunt. Before she lights the blunt she looks around the room and sees the doors to the balcony. Turning around and heading towards the doors she gets out onto the balcony, when outside she notices the beautiful view of it facing the front of the house and that the balcony also wraps around to the left and right of the house. She heads to the left of the balcony since it's more secluded and she’s able to see the beach and what people are doing at the back without being seen. 

As she sits down and gets comfy on the chair that's there she pulls the blunt up to her lips and pulls her lighter to the end of it and lights the blunt. Taking a nice long puff and staring out at the ocean. After a few moments she starts to relax, pulling out her headphones to listen to music before she takes another puff. Well she has her headphones placed on her head and over her ears, she hears the sweet melody of Alienated, by Zyan. Closing her eyes and taking another puff. Y/n starts bobbing her head to the song and singing along. 

“Try to think away the pain,

 made that age - old mistake, 

tried to disconnect my body, 

from my soul, from my soul” 

Little does she know someone is walking out the balcony through their  doors, well walking to find the perfect spot she neglected to notice that it’s a joint balcony where other rooms up stairs are also connected to it. So well she's singing to herself she doesn’t notice the person standing near them and looking at her with a shocked facial expression. 

See i feel alright already on my own, 

Can you let me be 

Intoxicated on my own 

Do I need to answer? 

Or right my wrongs? 

Am i home if i don’t know this place 

And i’ve been feeling alienated 

On my spaceship alone 

The person gets over the shock of Y/n being there as well as having such a beautiful voice. She walks up to her and nudges her shoulder. Y/n takes her headphones off her head not really caring, believing that it’s just her friend Alva as well as the fact that she is too high to care right now. As she turns around to speak to who she believes is Alva “Alva you know- TARA what the hell are- how long have you been standing there?” 

“Long enough to hear your ear piercing singing and to see you having a little depressive moment. Who do you think you are, the main character?”  Tara asks well, standing and crossing her arms in front of her chest looking down at her with an arch eyebrow. 

“Just cause the song is a little sad doesn’t mean i'm depressed, ever thought about the fact that maybe i just like songs like this to listen too” “I mean not everyone likes to listen to happy songs all the time, when they're happy there's tons of different genres you know?” Y/n respondes with a scoff and turns back to face the oceana and places her headphones back on. 

Tara being more annoyed with Y/n ignoring her she nudges her again, Y/n takes her headphones off and turns back to her with an arch eyebrow. “I wasn’t done talking to you, I was also going to say that this is my spot, it's right outside my bedroom and I would like to have my seat back thank you. So if you could kindly get the fuck off my seat i would really appreciate it.” Tara gives a show of putting on an over exaggerated smile. 

Y/n just turns back and places her headphones back on her head and leans back in the chair. Tara scoffs and looks around to see another chair and drags it to when she wants to sit down. She turns back to see what Y/n is looking at, all she sees is the ocean waves crashing and scoffs. Then she turns to look at Y/n to see what she's doing and notices the blunt in her hand. Tara thinks that since she's on her side of the balcony as well as the fact the party is getting too much and wanting to just have a relaxing time she pokes Y/n. 

“Yes Tara what would you like now, you know i'm not going to move at any point right.”  

“Well if you don’t move or leave you better give me some of that” 

“What? The blunt? I don’t- I really don’t share with short people or people i don’t like”

“Ha ha real funny, but i’m not joking.” 

“What are you going to do if i don’t do any of that” 

“Scream”

“.....Scream?” 

“Yes”

“You wouldn’t do that, plus what could you possibly scream” 

“Fine. HELP OH MY GOD HELP THERE’S A-!” 

Y/n covers her mouth. “OKAY! Jesus, fine you can have some. You psychopath, what the hell is wrong with you.” 

“Mmmh mmmh hmm” 

“What?” 

Tara looks at her like she's an idiot, looking at her hand that is still covering her mouth. 

“Oh.. right sorry” 

“I said i’m not a psychopath i can just charm my way of getting things” 

Y/n looks at her annoyed “i’m not a psychopath i can just charm my way of getting things” she mimics Tara like a child and scoffs shoving the blunt towards Tara. “Just take it and shut up, puff, puff pass okay?” 

“Yeah, yeah i’m not an idiot” 

“Okay could have fooled me” 

“Oh shut up” 

Y/n turns back facing the ocean with only one ear listening to her music well the other is listening to tara so she knows when she's done with the blunt. As she's facing the ocean and listening to her music she can also hear Tara take an inhale. After a while she puts her hand out to get the blunt so she can have another hit. 

Tara places it in her hand as Y/n takes it, Tara watches her as she pulls it to her lips and takes and inhales, holding it for a few seconds and then slowly blowing out then leaning back and handing the blunt back to her. Tara takes it from Y/n's hand and brings it to her lips taking another puff. It goes on like this for a while Tara staring at Y/n’s side profile and checking her out  looking at her well she leans back in the chair. The blunts ends up running out with Tara taking the last hit well Y/n marranites in the high she’s having. When Tara takes the last puff she looks up in the sky staring at the stars. 

“Don’t you think it’s weird that some people believe that there are no aliens. I mean we’re living organisms on a floating rock in the middle of space, not only that but there are other planets and different galaxies out there and yet some believe there are no aliens.” 

“How high are you Tara?” 

“High, but I’m being serious about it. There’s no way we’re the only living things throughout the entire galaxy.” 

“Huh.. I mean you’re right on that point. How about I do you one better.” 

“Oh yeah like what” 

“We as a society have only ever discovered 5 percent of the ocean and the ocean is huge right?”

“Yeah” 

“Well what makes you think us and animals are the only living thing on this planet like the ocean is huge and you don’t think any aliens are in the ocean? And if there are no aliens in the ocean which we couldn’t know is exactly 100 percent correct. What makes us think that other sea animals don’t live in the other 95 percent of the ocean or even further down in the ocean. I mean we don’t have the supplies to enter the deep ocean either, we as humans would be crushed by the amount of pressure down there. As well as our machines. I mean it’s even scarier if you think about the fact that we also have a second ocean underneath our ocean in the earth's crust which is 3 times the size we have above the surface. At this point I really do believe that Meg was right about the fact that the megalodon is in the lower parts of the ocean just unable to break through the minerals that's above them to make it to the surface of where we humans are. Plus the added fact that aliens could be living in the ocean as well. We’ve  also discovered more of Space than the ocean.” 

“How high are you?” 

“High”

“Yeah I can tell. This is probably one of the strangest topics i heard and talked about” 

“Well you started it” 

“Is that why you keep looking at the ocean” 

“A part of it. I also just like watching the waves crash into each other. It's both chaotic and somewhat peaceful like they seem to move all in one smooth motion depending on reflection, refraction, and diffraction. Not only that but they move in sets of seven and each time they start off bigger and grow smaller until they ultimately diminish and break when meeting with the sand. Like if you look out right now you can see them coming in sets of seven and the fifth to the seventh tend to be the bigger ones and that's why I wait till I catch one of those, and other surfers.” 

“Do you always look at things from a scientific perspective?”

“No, that would be boring. Plus I'm only interested in some science. I’m more into movies like how they're made, who made them, who’s in them, shot types, settings, dialogue, lighting etcetera. That's why I'm taking the media communications course majoring in film. To me that’s more fun to actually go to class and learn about compared to science which I can just look up and read in my own time.” 

“You’re weird. I don't think I have ever met someone who’s actually reading science in their own time for fun. I mean I read fictional novels for fun but only sometimes most of the time I'm partying or watching something.” 

“I don’t just read science that would be boring as hell, I also read fictional books, poems, I surf, I watch movies, tv shows go on tiktok instagram and sometimes party.” 

“Okay”

“Plus it’s mostly just the ocean” 

“Why the ocean though?” 

“Cause why should i worry about space if i’m never going to be there in real life, the oceans different I’m at the ocean most of the time and it closer to me then space is and other galaxies, I’m not saying i never read about space im just saying i don’t look into as much cause i’m not in a rocket ship.” 

Tara looks at Y/n thinking about what she said, realizing that in fact she is making sense. “Okay what else do you think about?” 

“Why, so you pick at it more?”

“No because it’s kinda interesting when you explain what you think about”

“Well there’s the theory of the multiverse that Marvel talks about with Loki and the Doctor Strange movie with Scarlet Witch. The theory is that when we dream it’s another reality we live in, so for example I could go to bed tonight and dream about me being a famous rockstar and that could be real in a different reality. That I’m just fading into one where another variant of me is awake and living their performance life. Then I could have a completely different dream the next moment which is another variant of me in a completely different reality. Then again there are these theories of if you dream about someone it means that their your soulmate or your in their dream and you’ll be together soon or some shit like that, which could take the whole, when you dream it’s a gateway to another life in a different multiverse to a new level you have to think about. Like is it a message being sent to you that in that multiverse you’re dating that person and they really are just your soul mate or are you just dreaming about them because you can’t stop thinking about them. Which would destroy the whole dream gives insight to your other life in another multiverse thing. I mean that could just mean your brain is taking your deepest thoughts or most recurring thoughts and using them for a dream. There is another point that there are thousands of different multiverses out there that all steam off our reality  or so we think like how can we be so sure that our reality is the real one. Like what if we believe that this reality of ours is the real main one and yet we’re not like what if we’re just an add on to the real reality `growing and making our own timeline because we made a different decision compared to the actual reality. That’s also another theory to the multiverse: we make a new multiverse everyday when we make a new, different choice because we differed from what the original timeline was supposed to make. For example what if you weren’t supposed to stay out here and talk to me but go inside but you didn’t so now we’re in another multiverse we created from our choice. Kinda like those choose your own path books with different outcomes.” 

“Wow okay never thought of that and now i really am tripping i mean what the hell Y/n goes on through your brain?”

Y/n turns to Tara “so you were going to nit pick at my thoughts huh?”

Tara turns to look at her “well i wasn’t expecting that big speech” 

Y/n stares at Tara “sorry” she then turns back to the ocean one last time before looking at her phone for the time “shit it’s 4 in the morning and i need to ask Alva when i’m staying tonight, i’ll uh… see you around. Bye Tara.” 

Tara looks at her getting up “yeah it is pretty late, see you around Y/n i guess and uh bye” 

Y/n leaves to go and find Alva to figure out where she’s sleeping. “Alva hey you awake?” 

“Huh… Y/n omg there you are i thought you left yeah I’m up” 

“Cool, so where am I staying?”

“Oh right, so since you like your own space and don’t really like staying near other people which i still find really weird. I made sure to leave the pool house to you and don’t worry I cleared it all out so it’s all yours since there's enough rooms in the house.” 

“So i get to keep my normal room then in the pool house? And not share?”

“Yes that is what i just said no? What type of best friend would I be if I didn't leave my bestfriends normal spot locked up for her. I mean you are basically family and you did clam that spot for yourself very early on. You have your keys to it right? I don’t think anything in there has moved since the last time we came up to my parents' beach house.” 

“Yeah, I still have my keys. Thanks Alava, I'll see you tomorrow whenever I decide to leave the pool house. Goodnight and I love you.” 

“yeah , yeah goodnight dork and i love you too.” 

Y/n makes her way to her car to grab her stuff and then heads to the pool house through the back. No knowing that Tara is still on the balcony and watching her enter the pool house that was locked when they arrived.  weird she thought isn’t there like other rooms in this big house as Alvas owns for Y/n she continues to watch Y/n as she enters the door and sees the lights turn on at that moment she decides to head to bed for the night. Still thinking about why Y/n is in the pool house by herself. 

Y/n enters the pool house and is instantly hit with the nostalgia of the place where she spent her time by herself at night when hanging with Alva and her family. The walls lined with all the posters of her fazes in her life and the photos of her and Alva through their friendship. She chucks all her bags to the floor, locks the door and heads for a shower, after that she heads to bed.

[spacequokka]

About Time

Pairing: Changkyun x Reader Genre: Angst, Smut Rating: M Summary: You broke the number rule of fuck buddies and ghosted him. You think you don’t have to answer for that? Word Count: 3.5k Warnings: mentions of drinking, fingering, public unprotected vaginal sex, hair pulling, biting, creampie

Arrow: Gold > Friends (with benefits!) to Lovers AU

Thanks to everyone in @kvanity-main​ who patiently put up with my 99 questions and requests. Extra thanks to @jinsquishes​ for the beautiful banner. I recommend nvrmnd, Die for You, God Damn, and Horizon for this. Happy Valentine’s Day my lovelies!

One would assume a dark, crowded club would be the best place to avoid someone you’re ghosting. How could you ever hope to find anyone through all the bodies and smoke? Now add the fact that the person you’re avoiding hates places like this, and it should be perfect. Right?

Wrong.

Because across the fucking room with a red solo cup in one hand and a vape in the other was none other than the last person you planned to see tonight. You fully expected to see the Easter Bunny before Changkyun’s molten stare. A sharp elbow to your side yanked you out of the mental sinkhole you fell into the second your eyes met his.

“What the fuck are you staring at—” Vita followed your line of sight and gasped dramatically. “Ain’t no way. I thought he hated clubs. What the fuck is he doing here?”

You sputtered something that could’ve been a response in baby talk, mind thoroughly fucked as you scrambled to get your shit together. Quickly tossing back the rest of your drink, you looked around, frantically searching for the nearest exit. You’d even jump out of a third-story window at this moment.

“I’ve gotta get the fuck out of here.” You threw your cup away. “I can’t be here.”

“Wait, what?” She pulled on your arm. “No! Don’t leave me! You swore you’d hang out with me tonight.”

“Well, that was before Korean John Wick popped up looking like he’s gonna take me out with a pencil.” You looked at her, eyes pleading for understanding. “What if he comes over? He’s gonna ask why I’m not answering his calls and texts. What the fuck am I gonna say to him?”

Her grip tightened. “Be honest with him! Just flat out say you caught feelings and the situation doesn’t vibe for you anymore. I’m pretty sure he’d appreciate you being upfront with him instead of pulling this hide-and-go-seek shit.”

“Oh, fuck you, smart ass. You dodged Taehyung for weeks before you nutted up and told him the truth.”

Shock flashed in her eyes before she let go. “Wow. Digging deep in the past, ain’t you? At least I fucking told him.”

“Right.” You looked back at Changkyun. The cup and vape were gone, but his eyes were still on you as he watched with curiosity. “So I have at least another week or two before you can talk shit. God, he looks like he’s gonna come over. If he does…”

“Jesus, _____, just spit the words out and be done with it.” She crossed her arms. “It’s better than dragging this out any longer. Trust me. What’s he gonna do? Dump you? You’re not dating. At the most, he’ll agree it won’t work and walk away. He isn’t the type to make a scene.”

As if to piss on her logic, Changkyun pushed away from the wall and headed in your direction, snaking through people without taking his eyes off you. Pure fear made your heart stutter as you grabbed her shoulders.

“Yeah, right. Tell him that, will you? I’m getting the fuck out of here.” You darted to the side. Stupid fucking heels and stupid fucking drinks made it hard to coordinate your limbs in a way that put as much space between you and the quiet storm behind you as fast as you could. Sure, it was a cowardly thing to do, but you weren’t in any shape to have a decent conversation with him. An honest one. One that formally put an end to the nights that bled into mornings where he’d cuddle you as the sun rose. To the moments you cherished while confusing you.

Not yet. You needed more time. Just a little more time.

Your eyes stung as you pushed your way through to the nearest glowing green ceiling sign. You just wanted out, away. Anything but face the truth, the inevitable hurt. The chilly night air was refreshing on your heated face when you stepped out the door. The panic softened just enough for your head to clear. Okay, you were in an alley. You just needed to figure out which way the street was so you could get a Lyft and—

The door opened behind you. Panic shot through you like shards of ice as you looked over your shoulder in horror and watched Changkyun step out. Time crawled to a stop as he adjusted his black leather jacket, pulling on the collar of his matching silk shirt. “Are you done running from me?”

Your mouth opened and closed as each train of thought derailed before making it to your lips. Running? In which sense? You turned around to face him, intent on saying something but ultimately failing because what the fuck should you say?

The longer he waited for you to speak, the more intense his stare got. “You realize the whole point of being fuck buddies is to actually fuck, right?” He pulled the door shut behind him then put his hands into his pocket, and cocked his head to the side. “And I’m not sure if you noticed, but uh, we haven’t fucked since—what—three weeks ago?”

“Something more like two and a half.” You mumbled.

His eyebrows rose. “Oh, so she does remember how to communicate.” He looked away and nodded, tongue poking the inside of his cheek. “Since I’m not worth the effort of a call or text, I won’t waste your time. Just tell me why we’re not fucking anymore and I’ll be on my way.” He gestured at you with his hand in his coat pocket. “Go on. Is it someone else?”

There was something in the way his frown and grouchy words didn’t match the flicker of uncertainty in his eyes. Though it was brief, for a second you saw the Changkyun you wished you could be with all the time. The one who was emotionally available. “N-no. I haven’t…no one but you, Kyun.”

Confusion creased his brow even more. “So, then what is it? I give it to you good, right? I mean, the way you can’t even get out of bed after—”

“It’s not that. I promise.” You bit your lip and looked at your feet. “Please, Kyun. It’s hella stupid. I just…” You couldn’t bring yourself to say it. He was expecting some grand, logical reason when in reality it was so fucking…simple.

“What is it?” He prodded. His gaze dragged over your body before he looked away and changed his stance. “Jeez, you don’t have to overthink everything. Just spit it out.” He closed his eyes, swallowed, and lowered his voice. “Just say it.”

Maybe it was the sudden softness in his words that made your chest tighter as your throat and eyes burned. Right. Just say it. Let go and move on. You took a deep, shuddering breath. “I-I can’t do this anymore.”

His face tightened for a second as if he’d flinched from pain. For a solid minute, neither of you said a word, listening to the ambiance around you. The cars passing by on the street. The muffled bass of the music inside the club. The hum of electricity from the flickering streetlight nearby. Just when you thought you couldn’t take another moment of silence, he asked, “Why? Did I do something wrong?”

“No!” You reached out and nearly touched him before thinking better of it. “No. It’s me. My mistake. I—” You swallowed and looked around the dimly lit alley as if the words you needed to say would jump out and save your ass. How could you tell him the truth without ripping your heart out in the process? You hugged yourself and shut your eyes, willing the unshed tears to back the fuck off. You could cry it out later. Not here. Not in front of him. He’d told you plenty of times tears did nothing for him. “Fuck. When we started this, we both agreed to keep it casual. No feelings.”

He inhaled sharply and took a step forward. The crunch of the ground under his shoes made your eyes snap open. A mistake. His eyes widened upon seeing the tears lining yours. “Baby—”

You shook your head and hugged yourself tighter. “A-at first, that worked for me, Kyun. I swear it did. Sex with you is the greatest thing I’ve ever experienced so far in life. You’re amazing, so please don’t question that. But, as we got to know each other more, things got…complicated.”

“Really. Complicated, how?” He took another step closer and you took one back. “What complication justifies shutting me out?”

Your body sagged as your chest tightened to the point of pain. “Please, don’t make me say it.”

“I deserve to know the truth, don’t I? I’ve spent more time in the past six months in bed with you than I have on my own. I got to the point where I’m not used to waking up alone.” He licked his lips and exhaled hard. “Like, I get that fuck buddies aren’t as close as we are. Maybe friends with benefits doesn’t cover it either. Whatever it is, it’s good, right?”

You hated how your heart colored his words with hope and yearning. This wasn’t the same guy who swore to you he couldn’t do relationships. That you’d never catch him doing lovey-dovey couple stuff. That wasn’t him. Commitment wasn’t in his skillset. “For you.” You bit out after a gulp of air. “It’s good for you. I-I can’t separate the physical from the emotional stuff.” You looked at him through tears. “I tried so hard to keep it casual. I reminded myself over and over that you can’t give me lo—more. But you confused me! Insisting I stay each night, waking up with you. Telling me I’m beautiful and insisting we hang out for fun. How was I supposed to keep my heart out of it?”

His expression went blank, completely clueless as he stared at you. “What?”

“God, Kyun. For someone who says otherwise, you do the boyfriend thing really well.” You dried your face by dabbing at it with your coat sleeve. “For a minute, you had me imagining what it’d be like. And once I got to that point, I knew I couldn’t go on with this anymore. It hurts like hell to want someone in a way they’ll never want you.”

Changkyun blinked a few times before understanding dawned on his pretty face. “Oh.” He got a distant look in his eyes, looking down the alley at the street. “So…you caught feelings for me?”

Your arms dropped to your sides. The gut punch wasn’t as painful as you thought it’d be, but it still hurt. “I know I should’ve talked to you. I just…didn’t know what to say or how to say it.”

He bit his bottom lip and nodded then took a step towards you. You automatically took a step back so he took another. And another. And another. Your back collided with the wall of the building behind you and before you knew it, he was pressed against you, chest to chest, and looking into your eyes with an expression you’d never seen on his face before. Worse of all, it made your stomach turn with excitement in a way that only he ever could incite. His fingertips caressed your cheek before they traced down to your neck.

“Say it again,” his voice was low and warm like coffee on your tongue, “tell me what you imagined being with me was like.”

You sucked in cold air noticing how the tip of your nose was getting numb. “I—this isn’t a joke, Kyun!” You pushed at his chest. “I’m being serious—”

His fingers curled around the back of your neck and gently squeezed. “And so am I. I wanna hear it.” He pulled you close until your foreheads touched then gently rubbed his nose against yours. “You made me go weeks without hearing your voice or seeing your face over this. So, give it all to me. Every single thought. Make the pain worth it.”

Your heart skipped a beat. You swallowed hard and looked into his eyes. “I told you. It’s dumb. I just pictured stupid couple stuff like taking selfies, holding hands in front of your friends, or cuddling on a rainy day.”

He hummed as his fingertips caught the hem of your skirt. “I admit, that does sound like stupid couple stuff.” You scoffed and tried to pull away, so he quickly followed with, “But I’d do them with you if you really wanted to. At this point, there isn’t much I wouldn’t do with you. For you. To you.”

“What?” You searched his eyes, mind reeling as his words echoed in your head.

“Let me make a little confession of my own.” His free hand gripped your jaw between his thumb and index finger as the other splayed across your thigh. “Since I last saw you, I haven’t been out much. Maybe to the store. At first I thought maybe you were just busy. But then Jooheon would tell me he saw you out with your friend and each time I wondered if it was me. Maybe you were avoiding me.” He pulled your leg up on his hip. “At first, I told myself I didn’t care. That you’d get over whatever the fuck you were going through and come back when you were ready. But you never did.”

You gasped as his hand wandered between your bodies and toyed with the edge of your panties. “Kyun—”

“No, no. Shh. Listen to me. I need you to know how hard it was to stay away and give you space, baby. No one else touches this dick but you.” It was hard to focus on his words when his fingers started to stroke your clit through the sheer fabric. “I don’t even get hard at the thought of fucking anyone but you. That whole time you were gone? It was just me and my hand.” His lips brushed against yours, but he didn’t kiss you and smiled when you started to chase his mouth. “Just like you, hm? What did you use?”

His fingers pushed your panties aside and cupped your pussy, middle finger pressing between your folds. “My toys—oh, god—and fingers.” Your breath hitched as he dipped his finger inside.

He moved his hand from your chin to the wall. “Did they feel good? Better than me?” You shook your head and he bit his lip, rewarding your honesty with the rest of his finger buried to the hilt. “You look so fucking hot right now. This skirt. This top.” He leaned in and nipped at your neck, soothing the skin with a lick as he worked his finger in and out. “I saw you as soon as I walked in. Wanted you right then. Needed you…”

His words were smoke in your head, creating a dense fog of him that made you burn from the inside out. Your hips rolled on his hand, pace increasing when he added another finger. You were vaguely aware of how fucked out and needy you sounded as he pulled moans from you with just his hand. His lips caught yours and ended with a playful bite as he pulled his hand away.

“As needy as the last time we did this, huh?” He groaned in your ear, low and husky as he fumbled with his pants. You couldn’t even respond, too focused on helping him work the belt buckle and zipper. The second his dick was free, he pushed his pants down to his thighs and reached for yours. “Get up here.”

One leg went around his waist, and with a hop, so was the other. You put your arms around his neck. Using the wall for leverage, he gave you sloppy, frantic kisses as he held you up by your thighs, feeling around with the head of his dick for your entrance. You squealed when it pressed into your clit and he chuckled into your mouth as he angled his hips just right and—

“Say it, baby.” He hissed as he pushed in slowly. “Tell me again why you ghosted me.” You tightened your grip, nails digging into the sleeves of your coat, as his dick stretched you with an ache you missed. When it felt like it’d never stop, he was fully seated inside and twitching every time you clenched. “Say it.”

“B-because I fell for you.” You whimpered when he pulled back then snapped his hips once. A warning. “Ah! Fuck, Kyun.”

“I wanna hear you say it.”

You squeezed your eyes shut and hid your face. “I love you. I did it because I love you and I thought you wouldn’t feel the same.”

“Fucking finally.” He brushed a kiss to the side of your face and adjusted his grip on your thighs. “About time you came around, baby.” With another snap of his hips, he set a steady pace that he’d occasionally interrupt by grinding his pelvis against your clit, determined to get you both there as quickly as possible. “Need you to cum with me. Missed you so much. I hate waking up without you next to me. Need you th—Ah, fuck. So tight.”

Your fingertips caught the ends of his hair and you pulled on it. In response his strokes grew longer, deeper as he let you drop onto his length with a clap of skin. Every time he moved, sparks danced up your spine and through your limbs. “Oh, fuck!”

“It’s been so long, baby. Just a—just a little longer. I’m almost there.” He nudged your head back and kissed you hard, a clash of lips and tongue as he swallowed your moans while feeding you his own. You were vaguely aware of how the bricks dug into your back and hips, too lost in the pleasure you were drowning in. How had you stayed away from him for so long when he could do shit like this to you? You were crumbling to pieces in his arms, on his dick, and for once it didn’t scare you shitless. You could trust him to put you back together. You held his face and kissed him harder, trying to match his intensity. When he caught your tongue and sucked on it, you fell apart. You came hard, convulsing in his arms as he leaned back and switched to quick strokes, moaning your name as he reached his high. “Oh, shit. Fuck, baby, fuck. I love you. I love you so fucking much.”

He leaned against you with a whimper as his body rode the wave, pressing up into you as he stuffed your pussy with cum. Your lips met after a few misses and you laughed through a kiss. The kiss slowly turned to light pecks between shy smiles as he rubbed your thighs. “My back is gonna be so sore in the morning.”

He snorted and kissed you once more before helping you down onto your shaky feet. “That’s not the only thing that’ll be sore. The night is young.”

You playfully swatted his arm as you fixed your panties and skirt. “Ugh. My panties are wet and sticky.”

His arm came around your waist and pulled you against him. “My car’s not that far. We could go back to my place.”

The thought of leaving with him reminded you of what he’d said not too long ago. “…Did you mean it? Or was that just heat of the moment talk?”

He looked into your eyes. “I’ve been in love with you since the first night you stayed over.”

“What?! Kyun, that was like the first month into this. There’s no way—” He cut you off with a kiss, this one sweet and tender as if he’d break you with his lips.

“I didn’t say anything because I remembered the rules. It seemed like you were okay with the way things were so I was okay with it. As long as I knew I was the only one you went to, I could live like that.” He looked into your eyes as his thumb brushed over your bottom lip before brushing over your hair. “Then suddenly you were gone without an explanation why…and I realized I didn’t want to let you go. Not without a good reason. So, yeah. I meant it. And just in case you don’t believe me, I love you. And I’d love you even without the sex. My heart is yours…so take care of it.” He gave you a shy yet bratty pout.

You blinked and fanned your face, turning away so he couldn’t see. “I’ll do my best. Um, so to your place?”

He threaded your fingers together. “Yup.” He pulled you along towards the street. “We can take a shower, drink some water, then work on getting another noise complaint from my neighbors.”

“What are you gonna do when your landlord finally kicks your ass out?”

He looked at you and smiled. “Look for a place to share with you.”

[lore-gore]

Also PLEASE post about your oc! I'm trying to get up the courage to make one for hh x3

Finally! It's time! My most detailed oc that I've been working on for five years! (I am so nervous about sharing this)

Originally they were a self insert but grew to become their own character. (Which is why we have the same name. So I suppose they are both a self insert and an oc?)

I'm including bio, relationship with characters, and scene inserts

Hopefully this does not come off as cringe (I better get complements or I will cry)

Tw for death, murder, violence, bullying, obsession, stalking, mentioned kidnapping, shipping with alastor because why not, British people

Also tag me when you make yours!!!

@myroanokenightmare666 @frilledshark-enthusiast @astral--horrorshow you prommied

Bio:

Lorelai "Lore" Dagenhart

The token spooky weird goth character

Ghost Demon (based on an onryo)

She/They

AFAB Nonbinary

Biromantic Asexual

24

Autistic

Goth

British

From Birmingham

Chaotic neutral

Scorpio

Gen Z

Born October 31, 1999

Died October 31, 2023

Stabbed in the heart

Killed her old bullies (The four main ones; failed to kill the last one. Or did they?)

Was bullied severely (called names and slurs, beaten up, tripped, shoved, desk was graffitied, hair pulled and even cut, had liquids poured on her to trigger their sensory issues, rumors spread to the point not even the other goths wanted to hang out with her because they thought they sacrificed birds, locked in closets, etc.)

Failed to make friends

Tried to act "normal" for a while but because she had already been established as the weird kid it didn't work

Decided to commit to being weird

Loves being eccentric

Says weird, random, and ominous things

Likes scaring people; is good at it

Special interest is horror

Was a semi popular horror author

Drew their own covers

Has a cute style and a realistic monster style

Had good parents growing up

Parents owned a funeral home

Dad was a funeral director and mom was a mortician

Were similar to Morticia and Gomez

Speaks English and British Sign Language

Sister was deaf (her name was Faye)

Scared of bodies of water (especially running water)

Doesn't mind rain

Can still swim

Bright rooms give her sensory overload (puts on sunglasses to combat this)

Wears sound filtering earbuds

Rarely holds conversation

Either infodumps or barely contributes

Avoids eye contact

If they force herself to make eye contact, they will hold it for way too long

Only really makes eye contact when trying to intimidate someone

Struggles with social cues

Won't realize someone is upset unless they tell her

When that happens, they will simply sit and listen, which works well

Can recognize fear

Fluctuates between touch adverse, touch positive, and touch indifferent

Has a heart-shaped face, a small nose, pure white skin, long black hair parted in the middle that reaches the floor, big droopy eyes that are completely black, including the sclera, dark circles, black lips, and white fangs

Tall

6'5, 7'0 with her platforms

Very thin and bony

Wears a grey hoodie with a red x over their heart and heart shaped lock prints running down the sleeves, a pleated black skirt, black and white striped stockings, knee high lace up black 5 inch platform boots and a binder

Facial expression is usually neutral

Voice is also usually monotone

Has a haunting singing voice

Cold to the touch

The temperature in the room lowers when she gets upset (the more upset they are, the colder it gets; she is unaffected by this)

Can float

Can turn invisible

Has prehensile hair

Every time they cut it it grows back

Can't be styled either (will just return to its normal state)

Can store things inside of it

Easily sneaks up behind people

Just pops up randomly

Good at hiding

Can somehow fit into small spaces

Very flexible

Double jointed

Left handed

Anger is almost always silent; plots revenge

Very vengeful

Holds grudges

Has an amazing memory

Can think on her feet

Prefers routine

Can be very blunt

Not great at telling lies, tells half truths instead

Got A's and B's in school

Book smart, but not street smart

Had two black cats named Misery and Misfortune

Has befriended the crows by feeding them

The crows bring them little trinkets

Loves animals, especially the spooky ones (cats, rats, bats, owls, wolves, ravens, crows, snakes, spiders, moths, centipedes, as well as possums)

Favorite animal is bunnies

Favorite movie is The Ring

Favorite season is fall

Favorite holiday is Halloween

Full on cosplays for Halloween

Cosplays outside of Halloween as well

Loves candy and other sweets

Hates the taste of alcohol and coffee

Likes tea

Has taken edibles multiple times before

Often slams things without meaning to

Uses both slang and complicated vocabulary

Switches between using proper punctuation, capitalization, and spelling and ignoring it when posting as it's more chaotic

Tumblr shitposter

Made vines when it was still around

Can play the guitar (bass and electric) and piano

Doesn't quite know how to dance

Good at gardening

Offered to take care of the hotel's rose garden after seeing its neglected state

Is now the hotel gardener

Horrible at cooking

A literal hazard in the kitchen

Bad luck seems to follow them when she cooks

The food itself tastes either mediocre or terrible

Collects weird t-shirts

Humor is a mix of dark and surreal

Has a maniacal laugh

Stims by pacing, flapping hands, rocking, cracking neck (neg), and/or bouncing leg

Sleeps with arms crossed over their chest like a vampire (taught herself to do that as a kid and it became a habit)

Sleepwalks sometimes

Even creepier when they sleepwalk

Wanders around, stares at walls, crawls, says cryptic things, laughs

As a human she had brown hair that reached their back, pale skin, and occult blue eyes. She was 6'0, 6'5 with platforms. They wore a long black trenchcoat that reached the floor and a black T-shirt with a ghost on it. (The rest of her outfit was the same.)

Their full demon form has hollow black shadowy holes instead of eyes, a slit mouth that spans her entire face, long claws, and is 8 feet tall with long limbs and an echoing voice

Voice also echoes when being intense

Found the hotel shortly after arriving in hell. (Literally was just wandering around and stumbled upon it. They stopped to admire the little details, Vaggie noticed her through the window, Charlie went down to greet them, and the rest is history.)

Got a double degree in creative writing and digital art

Thinks she's pretty in a haunting way

Creative when it comes to insults and threats

Has an axe-shaped electric guitar and an axe-shaped bass guitar (literally Marceline's bass and Marshall's guitar)

VERY progressive

High Empathy

Music tastes consist of gothic rock, alt rock, punk rock, electric swing, and horror soundtracks

Parents introduced them to gothic rock and punk rock

Pirates movies

Thinks she is unlovable

Has trust issues

Assumes the worst in people

Despite this, you can win their trust by listening to her infodump

Never sits correctly

Feet on the couch, perching on the armrests or even back, crouching on the floor

Grew up agonistic

Dabbles in witchcraft (séances, tarot readings, tea leaf readings, and as a kid curses)

Always carries around a kitchen knife

Had a bobcut with bangs as a kid and wore the school uniform (white button up, black skirt, black tie) with black combat boots, black and white striped stockings, her black trenchcoat, and sharpie eyeliner

Used to explore abandoned places

Loyal to their friends

Cannot flirt or tell when someone is flirting with her to save their life

1920's outfit is a black below the knee dress with long cuffed sleeves, a grey sash, and a white collar with a white ribbon tied around it and small black heeled shoes with a strap.

Bedwear is a plain white short sleeved nightgown with her striped stockings

Never told their parents about being bullied because she didn't want them to worry

Told the teachers about being bullied but they ignored them, even when her parents got involved

Doesn't trust authority because of that

By the time they finally told her parents it was too late to do anything so they just had to push through until graduation

Killed her bullies because she couldn't live knowing they got away with what they did

Wore a ghostface costume to kill their bullies

Decided to name herself Lore because it "fits my new form"

Smells like freshly turned soil

Voice claim: Jamie from The Haunting of Bly Manor

Singing voice claim: Chibi from The Birthday Massacre/Ashley Serena/Emily Rohm

Relationships:

Alastor:

Best friends

He loves how weird she is

The only time he'll watch movies is with them

She likes showing him her favorite horror movies and infodumping afterwards

He likes spending time with her

Both have crushes on each other (He's uniromantic asexual; died at 29)

Lore assumes it's one-sided, thinking she's undateable

And Alastor loves them... Way too much

To the point of obsession

Drags her around everywhere

Definitely stalks them using his shadow

Watches her sleep

Will kidnap them eventually

Partly because he wants to keep her safe and partly because he wants them all to himself

Lore will be angry, scared, but also kinda into it (check feels unlovable)

Will probably try to make her become a cannibal like him, either by sneaking demon meat into their food, forcing her, or some other means

Charlie

One of their first friends

Sees that Lore is actually a kind person

Lore is not entirely sure her plan will work, but is supportive because that's what best friends do

Anyone who messes with her will face her wrath

Vaggie

One of their first friends

Accepts her weirdness as just who they are

Thinks each other are cool

Listen to goth music together sometimes

Has a bad feeling about Alastor's friendship with her

Angel

Creeped out by them

One of her main scaring targets

When he first met them he thought she was a ghost

Admires their chaoticness though

Will grow closer

In pain with her obliviousness with Al

Husk

Brushes them off as just a weird kid

A little worried about her friendship with Alastor

Nifty

Different flavors of weird

Forever confused about their gender

Hates when she tracks dirt in

Ships them and Alastor

Once wrote a fanfic about the two and showed her

It was smut

Lore enjoys her weird moments and finds her endearing

Sir Pentious

Scaring victim number two

Did not like him

Had not completely forgiven him for trying to betray them and kill them twice until he sacrificed himself

Katie Killjoy

Organized his funeral

Hates her

Reminds them of her old bullies

Slashed her tires after the interview

Tom Trench

Hates him because he's Katie's accomplice

Was the one that set him on fire (molotov cocktail)

Since Charlie was already taking care of Katie they went after him instead

Vox

At first did not understand why Alastor like her

Until he dug around online and realized "Ah... They're weird as shit nevermind."

Lore hates them because Alastor hates them

"My friends enemies are my enemies" type shit

Valentino

Hates him after Charlie told her what she saw at the studio

Had to hold themself back from fighting him after seeing him in the club

Lucifer

Always wanted to meet him

Still feels bad Charlie doesn't have a good relationship with him

Glad he's at least trying to fix it

Cherri Bomb

Lore brought weed gummies during their night out so she likes her

Rosie

Finds them charming

Endorses Alastor's obsession

Scene Inserts:

Adam

Hates him for attacking the Hotel and hurting her friends

Glad he's dead

Would dance on his grave if he had one

Lute

Also hates her for attacking the hotel and hurting her friends

Especially for killing Dazzle

Would NOT have shown mercy like Vaggie did

Pilot

Vaggie: It's all highlighted.

(Lore appears behind Vaggie, going from invisible to visible)

Lore: I think, you should scrap this, and just say Happy Hotel over and over again like a subliminal message.

Charlie: I'll just have to resort to my impeccable improv skills!

Lore: She does improv?

Charlie: Well, there's my friend Lore.

(The camera pans to Lore. She hisses.)

(The camera pans back to Charlie, slightly weirded out.)

Charlie: And someone named... Angel Dust.

Tom: WHY WON'T ANYONE HELP ME

(Lore learns into the frame, holding a lighter and smirking)

(Silence after argument in limo.)

Lore: I set a man on fire.

(The three turn and stare at her.)

Alastor: What do you do my dear?

Lore: Fester.

Charlie: She's the gardener.

Alastor: My what an intriguing lady you are.

Lore: I'm not a lady I'm a creature.

Vaggie: They mean she's Nonbinary.

(Alastor raises his eyebrow.)

Vaggie: Like identifies outside the gender binary.

Alastor: Ah! How delightfully chaotic!

Alastor: And what can you do my effeminate fellow?

Angel: I can suck ya dick.

Alastor: Ha! No.

Episode 1

Alastor: Founded five days ago by Lucifer's naive daughter Charlotte Morningstar!

Alastor: Enjoy riveting conversation with one of our two (Lore emerges behind the couch) residents! Wow!

Angel: We're in Hell toots. That's kinda the end of the road, ain't it?

Lore: He's right. Death is the end of the road. One long, winding road.

Angel: Why?

Episode 2

Alastor: Well, it looks as though I need a visit to the tailor. Lore, care to accompany me?

Lore: I don't like people.

Alastor: Then you'll only have to interact with me! (Loops his arm around hers) Best of luck, chums!

(After Stayed Gone)

Lore: Why am I here?

Alastor: Moral support!

Charlie: So... This is the bar and the bartender. And here is the garden and the gardener!

Lore: The roses aren't ready to be cut yet. If I find that you cut any, I will cut your fucking hands off your pathetic little body.

Charlie: She's joking.

Lore: No I'm not.

Vaggie: This is going to be your whole day! (Claps)

Lore: My turn:

Hello,

my name is Lore

I like blood

And guts and gore

Charlie: That's enough-

Lore: Reality is fake

Someone's going to die

In the lake

Vaggie: I'm sorry what.

Lore: You heard me.

Episode 3

Vaggie: Wow, you are slimy.

Lore: Like a worm. But not a cute one.

Episode 4

Husk: She was the weird kid who was bullied no matter how hard they tried to fit in, so she decided to just own it and commit to the title. Also never orders alcohol. And Nifty-

(After Charlie leaves)

(Silence)

Lore: You watch us sleep?

Pentious: Oh, not you. Alastor already watches you sleep.

Lore: He what.

Episode 5

Charlie: And this is Sir Pentious, Angel Dust, and Lore, our guests!

Sir Pentious: Your Majesty!!!

Angel: Hey, you short king.

Lore: This is my childhood dream come true.

(After explaining Alastor's backstory)

Lore: Sick.

Episode 7

Vaggie: They can be killed.

Lore: (standing up) I KNEW IT! (Sits back down, crossing arms and looking smug) There's almost always a weakness.

Sir Pentious: What? Do you think we're a bunch of pusssssies?

Lore: You two are my (smiles) best friends. You can't get rid of me that easily.

Husk: I just got used to you guys.

Episode 8

Alastor: It's been a surprising thrill to witness these wayward souls find connection. Always makes one sentimental, aye Niffty?

Niffty: I really like them, Alastor. They let me put on roach puppet shows without booing!

Lore: You know it's funny. Hell is the only place I was actually able to make friends.

Alastor: Ahh, an enjoyable collective to be around. I admit one could get accustomed.

Niffty: I dub thee, king roach!

Alastor: Oh, to understand your twisted little mind. Hahaha....

(They all laugh.)

Lore: Never change Niffty. Hey, can I be the roach jester?

Alastor: Hmm. I'd rather rule alongside you.

(He grabs her hand and kisses it.)

Lore: Oh.

(Beginning of battle)

Lore: Come and get me you fucking tar-and-feathered hypocritical bitches in a box! See how a ghost defends its haunt.

(Brandishes knives with hair)

Vaggie: New coat of paint!

Lore: New flowers

Husk: New lights across the marquee

Charlie, Vaggie, Lore, Husk: With a little sorcery

PLEASE feel free to send me asks about them!!!

[braveclementine]

Party

Warnings: None

Copyright: I do not own any Marvel characters or locations. However, I do own my OC Elizabeth Lightwood. I do not condone any copying of this.

You smiled, wearing a blue dress and holding Everleigh, hanging out at the pool table, watching Steve and Sam play.

Sam whooped as he pocketed a ball and Steve grinned, biting his bottom lip.

Thor was talking with a bunch of soldiers while Bruce awkwardly darted around, avoiding everyone. Nat and Rhodey were talking on the couch and Clint was talking to Cho in the corner of the room, the two of them holding drinks.

The two of them finished their game and walked off together.

You were mostly avoiding everyone as well, like Bruce. At these sorts of things, Tony had to entertain everyone, though he tried to get as much time with you as possible. You didn't really mind.

At the moment, he was talking with Rhodey, Thor, and a woman in a red dress. Thor and Tony seemed unimpressed as Rhodey was talking.

Thor corralled you eventually and you found yourself standing with an old man and Steve, along with Thor.

"I gotta have some of that." The old man said, pointing to the liquor that Thor was pouring.

"No, no no." Thor chuckled, "See this, This was aged for one thousand years." Thor said impressively, handing it over to Steve. "in the barrels built from the wreck of Grunhel's fleet. It is not meant for mortal men."

"Neither was Omaha beach, blondie." The old man said as Thor poured himself a cup. Steve smelt his with skepticism. "Stop trying to scare us. C'mon."

"All right." Thor said and not only did he pour the man one, but he poured you one as well.

You took it, knowing you didn't really like alcohol, but figured you might as well try a small sip. It probably couldn't hurt.

Steve immediately took the shot from you. "Absolutely not."

You pouted at him, hoisting Everleigh on your hip because she wanted down.

Steve just shook his head and it was probably a good thing too, because the older gentlemen were absolutely shell shocked after having it. One of them stood so still, like a mannequin, the other was asleep at the table, and the one that had asked for it was being led out gently by two men.

You decided to leave the party a little, going out to the balcony. The weather was nice tonight, the wind flowing along your skin. You sighed in a bit of relief, realizing how much you hated crowds. Not that this necessarily constituted as a crowd, but it was a small space with a lot of people in it.

You wondered where the Maximoff twins were. Had they gone back to what remained of HYDRA? Or were they one their own?

Why would two young kids, who were only sixteen and could barely drive here in the states, volunteer for HYDRA test trials? What were they hoping to do? Or change? Sokovia was a mess. Were they really hoping that HYDRA would help them save it?

After all, visiting the base, Tony's robots had gone to help the civilians so they didn't get hurt and the robots had come back in pretty bad shape. Voice recordings heard they had been shouting for the Avengers to go home.

Maybe in these parts, HYDRA was friend and not foe.

"Hey." Sam's voice interrupted your thoughts.

"Oh hey." You said, startled. You'd thought he'd left. "I thought you were leaving?"

"I am in a minute." Sam admitted, "But I saw you come up here. Tony do you wrong? I can punch him for you."

You laughed, "No, everythings fine. I get a little claustrophobic in crowds. I just came out here for some air. Tony's fine."

Sam nodded, "Well that's good."

"How's your soulmate? The doctor?" You asked.

Sam sighed, looking less cheerful now, "He's. . . I mean I love him, you know? But he can be such a dick. And I mean, he's perfectly loving towards me. I just. . . he thinks he's better than other people since he's ranked number one in the country. And yeah, sure, he is. Fuck, I mean, he's amazing, you know? But the way he treats the nurses and the guys at work and the people around him. . . it's unflattering, you know?"

"Gosh Sam, I'm sorry." You apologized. "I guess it's an ego thing with being successful, right? Tony's still sort've got that, although he's toned it down just a little bit."

Sam shrugged, sitting down next to you. "Nah, I mean, it's fine. He's wonderful to me at least. I just don't know what it'll take for him to realize he's wrong for treating these people like they're less than him, that they're. . . less important? Do I bring it up? Or do I wait?"

You squeezed his hand gently. "That's up to you. But, I would think, that if you can't bring it up because you're afraid of how he'll react, maybe rethink the relationship. That's all I suggest."

"Thanks." Sam sighed and then changed the subject, "You got anything new for me?"

🎃 :::::  🧡  ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━  🧡  ::::: 🎃

Steve was walking through the upstairs, and caught sight of Sam and Y/N talking on the balcony. He paused, seeing Y/N take Sam's hand into hers and looked around for Tony, hoping he didn't see the two of them and assume anything bad.

"That's up to you. But, I would think, that if you can't bring it up because you're afraid of how he'll react, maybe rethink the relationship. That's all I suggest." Y/N said, letting go of his hand now.

"Thanks." Sam sighed and then changed the subject, "You got anything new for me?"

"I have a few new locations." Y/N said, and then said, "Romania, Hungary, Serbia, Poland, Bulgaria, Turkey. He did quite a few missions in Romania, so I feel like it would be familiar territory for him. I just feel that it would be a risky move since HYDRA would know that. Not to mention, we don't even have proof he left the country. No IDs, no fake IDs, no airport scans, no boats, nothing. I don't know how he got out of the country, if he did."

"Maybe a hidden HYDRA warehouse." Sam suggested as Steve held onto every word. "This is so frustrating. He's a literal ghost."

"I was thinking of talking to Thor." Y/N said slowly. "He's got a guardian in Asgard, by the name of Heimdall. Apparently he can see the future, which is why he's the guardian- so that they are never attacked without warning. I want to see if he can see Earth future and maybe can tell us where Bucky is. Or at least, tell us if we ever find him."

"Why are you so invested in this?" Sam asked suddenly. "Like, I understand Steve is your friend but the way you are. . . I mean do you love him?"

Steve jolted. That was illegal. There was no way you could be with another person's soulmate. And there was no way that he would ever betray Tony like that.

"I mean. . ." Y/N said hesitantly. "I love him, but not in the sense of like. . . I would leave Tony for him, you know? Like, it's not romantic love, but it's not quite like 'I love him like a brother' love. I don't know how to describe it. I guess I just. . ."

Y/N sighed and said, "When I was growing up, everyone hated me. Like my parents always abused me and my brother ignored me. I only had about one friend. I mean, fuck, even the dog hated me. So being here, and everyone loves me or at least likes me. . ."

"Do you feel like you have to repay that kindness?" Sam asked, kicking into therapist mode.

"I don't know." Y/N said uncertainly. "I mean, I feel that I would be helping him anyways, even if I hadn't had that background. And I know he would do the same for me. But I could really ask you the same question Sam. You've got a soulmate. Why aren't you spending every waking hour with him? Why are you helping Steve find Bucky?"

Sam sighed, putting his face in his hands, "Don't think to badly of me when I say this but. . . I look at Steve and I go, 'That's how my soulmate should be.' And for Steve, I would do just about anything so if he wants help finding his soulmate, I'll help him because this Bucky dude really deserves Steve. And even better, Steve deserves Bucky. He deserves that love. Because if there's one person who doesn't deserve to spend the rest of his life alone, it's Steve."

Steve felt warm inside and slowly backed away from the doorway, heading back into the building, feeling lucky that he had two wonderful friends.

🎃 :::::  🧡  ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━  🧡  ::::: 🎃

"But it's a trick." Clint complained, twirling a pair of random drumsticks that he found somewhere. He was lounging on the couch across from Thor who was sitting next to Steve, laughing and pouring more of his Asgardian liquor.

"No, no, it's much more than that." Thor said with a chuckle, handing Steve the shot of Asgardian liquor to go with his bottle of beer.

Bruce was sitting on the other side of Clint, leaning over the arm of the couch to talk to Natasha. Maria sat on the other side of Clint.

You were sitting on the floor by Steve's feet, your back against the couch. You were mostly minding your own business, playing with dolls with Everleigh.

"Ah, whosoever be he worthy shall haveth the power!" Clint declared in a random, deep dramatic voice, before saying in his normal voice, "Whatever man! It's a trick."

"Please, be my guest." Thor said, gesturing towards the hammer that was sitting on the coffee table. It even looked inviting, just waiting to be picked up. The metal square hammer resting on the table, the leather bound handle sticking straight up into the air.

Rhodey and Tony were sitting on the couch that was almost between the two others, talking, but immediately stopped when Thor offered.

"Really?" Clint asked and even you looked up to see how it was going.

"Yeah." Thor said nonchalantly.

Clint clinked the drumsticks together with a thud as he put both of them in one hand, getting to his feet.

"Oh this is gonne be beautiful." Rhodey said with a bit of a smirk in his voice.

"Clint, you've had a tough week." Tony said. "We won't hold it against you if you can't get it up."

You rolled your eyes at Tony's joke, half-tempted to cover Everleighs ears, but it wasn't like she understood what was going on anyways. She wasn't even paying attention, undressing the barbie doll from her day clothes into pajamas.

"You know I've seen this before, right?" Clint asked in a condescending tone to Thor. He wrapped his hand around the hammer and pulled, grunted, and then grumbled, "I still don't know how you do it!"

"Smell the silent judgement?" Tony asked.

"Please, Stark, by all means." Clint said, gesturing to Tony.

You held in your laughter as Tony stood up, dramatically flicking open the button on his suit.

"Okay."

"Uh huh."

"Never one to shrink from an honest challenge." Tony said, swaggering over to the hammer.

"Get after it."

"It's physics." Tony declared.

"Physics?"

Tony wrapped his hand through the loop and grasped the hammer before asking, "Right, so, if I lift it, I then rule Asgard?"

"Yes, of course." Thor said. You watched as Thor rolled his eyes at the ceiling.

"I will be reinstating prima notca." Tony declared. You rolled your eyes again and tried not to laugh as you heard Steve's small scoff behind you. Rhodey also rolled his eyes.

Tony placed his hand against the coffee table, attempting to lift the hammer. Then he let go of it. "I'll be right back."

Things escalated to the point where Tony got his Iron man gauntlet. And when that worked, Rhodey also put on his war machine gauntlet.

"Are you even pulling?" Rhodey asked.

"Are you on my team?" Tony retorted.

"Just represent. Pull!" Rhodey retorted right back.

"Daddy being weird." Everleigh finally laughed, but no one but you heard her as the boosters on the gauntlets fired. You laughed.

Bruce then got on the table, pulling with all his might, roaring. He continued to roar, perhaps trying to get laughs. You kept your head down in second hand embarrassment. Thor however, looked at Bruce with a loving expression on his face and Steve hid a smile behind his hand.

"Go ahead, Steve, no pressure." Clint muttered and Steve got up off the couch.

You smirked as Dr. Cho, who was leaning on her arm, curled up in a chair, admired the way that Steve rolled up the sleeves of his blue button down shirt. He did look really good tonight- if you could admire him that way. Tony, of course, topped the handsome chart. But Steve's muscles were hard to compete with.

"Come on Cap." Tony said, cheering him on.

You watched as it looked like the hammer almost moved. You didn't think anyone else saw it, so you looked over at Thor, whose smile had fallen off his face. You smiled to yourself.

Yes. If there was someone worthy enough to lift the hammer and rule Asgard, it would be Steve.

You could tell that Steve knew as well. You watched his arms. His muscles didn't go taunt and even though he looked like he was pulling, his grip was to loose. He wasn't trying at all.

He didn't want to rule.

That was what made him worthy.

Steve pulled his hands off, sighing. Thor's smile came back, though he quickly swallowed liquor, the both of them laughing if off. You could tell it was nervous laughter on both sides though.

"And, Widow?" Thor asked.

"Oh, no no. That's not a question I need answered." Natasha said.

"Lady Stark?"

"Nope. I'm with Nat on this." You said softly, watching as Everleigh tottered to her feet, clutching a doll in her hand. She showed it to Steve, who bent over in his seat to talk to her under his breath.

"All deference to the Man Who Wouldn't be King, but it's rigged." Tony said nonchalantly.

"You bet chur ass." Clint drawled.

"Steve, he said a bad language word." Maria pointed to Clint who was standing with Tony and Rhodey.

"Did you tell everyone about that?" Steve groaned.

"The handles imprinted, right?" Tony asked, but you continued to look over at Thor who was looking at the hammer with almost a look of sadness. "Like a security code. 'Whosoever is carrying Thor's fingerprints' I think, the literal translation."

"Yes. It's a very, very interesting theory." Thor said, getting to his feet. "I have a simpler one, you're all not worthy." He went to reach for his hammer at the same time Everleigh toddled past him. He waited for her to pass by, but she reached up, grabbing the hammer in her tiny hand. She wobbled around from its weight, but she was still holding it.

The room was dead silent, until she giggled, pointed the hammer at you. Before you knew it, white lightning had hit you and you went flying.

"Y/N!" Several voices shouted and then Everleigh started screaming and crying.

You blinked and when you could actually see, Bruce, Tony, and Steve were all kneeling over you.

You hadn't actually flown that far, having landed right by the end of the couch. You gingerly sat up, looking over to see that Natasha was comforting the little girl and Thor had his hammer in his hand, looking troubled.

"Are you alright?" Bruce asked for the second time.

"Yeah. Ow." You winced, grabbing onto both Tony and Steve, standing up. "What? No jokes about how our daughter is worthy?" You asked Tony.

"Well, I'm more worried about you." Tony admitted, brushing your hair down.

Suddenly, a high pitched noise broke through the air. You clapped your hands to both ears, crouching down. At first, you thought it was just you, being hurt by the noise, but you saw Rhodey wince as well, putting his bottle of beer down.

"Worthy. . . " A growl that sounded like something in a horror movie said. You immediately stumbled over, picking Everleigh up in your arms, holding her tightly to your chest.

There, standing in the dark was some sort of robot thing. "No." It growled. "How could you be worthy? You're all killers."

"Stark." Steve said.

"Jarvis." Tony commanded.

"I'm sorry, I was asleep. Or I was a d-dream."

"Reboot Legionnaire OS. We got a buggy suit." Tony muttered.

"There was this terrible noise." The robot was moving around, its arms and head mostly, as though it was human, trying to ward something off. "And I was tangled in. . . in. . . strings." It looked down at its body. "I had to kill the other guy. He was a good guy."

"You killed someone?" Steve asked.

"Wouldn't have been my first call. But, down in the real world, we're faced with ugly choices."

You quickly scanned where everyone was. Tony was on the outside of the group on your left, with Rhodey next and then Steve. You were next to Steve and on your immediate right was a large space before Thor, with Dr. Cho standing slightly behind him. Bruce and Natasha stood in front of the two of them. Maria and Clint were sitting on the couch, looking at the robot over their shoulders.

"Who sent you?" Thor demanded.

Suddenly, Tony's voice emitted from the robot. "I see a suit of armor around the world."

"Ultron." Bruce was the one to answer.

"In the flesh. Or, no, not yet. Not this chrysalis. But I'm ready."

Chrysalis. Not yet.

It wanted a human body? But how was it going to manage that?

You watched Maria stand from where she was sitting on the couch.

"I'm on a mission."

"What mission?" Natasha asked.

"Peace in our time." It said, before robots exploded through the wall.

Steve kicked up the coffee table, crashing into the robot, but it was just sent flying back, knocking both you and Steve off your feet. You wrapped your body around Everleigh as you crashed to the floor, crying out in pain.

You could hear shooting and you got to your feet, looking for somewhere to hide Everleigh, something to be used as a weapon.

You watched a robot approach Dr. Cho, who was crouching behind the grand piano, but suddenly it turned dark and was going to turn away from her when Steve jumped on it, sending it sliding to Thor who smashed it with his hammer.

Suddenly, metallic arms grabbed you from behind and you found yourself skyrocketing towards the ceiling. You tightened your arms around your daughter as you flew higher into the air. One arm around your waist, the other around your neck.

You couldn't struggled, watching. "Thor!" You called out and as he looked up, you let yourself believe and dropped Everleigh. You watched with relief as Thor caught your daughter, protecting her from the glass as he rolled.

You slid your hands under the arm that was choking you, trying to push the arm away. You could see Tony on the back of another flying robot, trying to kill it with some sort of tool.

"Steve!" You heard Clint shout and watched the beautiful American decal shield go flying through the air. Steve caught the shield, spun, and tossed it straight at you. You caught the shield, lowering your head, and shoved the shield backwards. You felt the satisfying release as the head was disconnected from the body.

You started to free fall back to the ground and braced, before Steve caught you, putting you back on your feet.

"You alright?" Steve asked, taking his shield back.

"Fine." You said, massaging your throat and holding your arms out for Everleigh, who was crying again.

"That was dramatic." Ultron hissed. "I'm sorry, I know you mean well. You just didn't think it through. You want to protect the world but you don't want it to change. How is humanity saved if it's not allowed to evolve?"

It bent down, grabbing the head of one of the robots. "With these? These puppets." It crushed the metallic skull in his hand before tossing it forward, "There's only one path to peace. The Avenger's extinction."

Thor tossed his hammer, crushing the robot into pieces. They clattered to the ground and were still, as the hammer returned to his hand.

"I had strings. But now I'm free."

[bratty-telepath]

It has come to my attention that people often don't consider I'm poly and I am a multi-shipper meaning that if I see a range of characters, I will devise a way for them all to be happy together in some way, shape or form, with each other, this includes redacted so…

Bratty Telepath's Poly Redacted Stuff/Multi-shipping shit

(I am a disgrace for not coming up w a better title)*

In this, I will be giving you, dear reader, my poly headcanons and thoughts regarding the redacted universe (this will probably come up again as time goes on). If that's not your cuppa and you prefer monogamous content then that's great! I'll just be over here making people have feelings for each other to make myself happy and you can be over there! Also none of this is organized. It's me rambling off about the things that invade my brain

David /Angel/Asher - happens after David meets and dates Angel and he's able to actually loosen up enough to see that Ash has always cared for him before he starts realizing "oh shit, I'm in love with my best friend" before they go on a bout of him avoiding Asher to avoid his feelings as Asher think David's drifting away again. Angel is who pulls these idiots back together and is like "fix yo shit".

Darlin/Sweetheart/Sam - is long running and went on for a while before Darlin left Dahlia. They were highschool sweethearts who were still dating while SH was at DAMN. At the same time, SH was also seeing Sam unofficially before he got turned and dropped out. Both these bitches really ran and SH was like "I am never letting you shits go" when they met again. SH/Darlin is very much a danger duo situation while SH/Sam is a flirty old roommates situation.

The DAMN polycule - them bitches hanging out and FL was like "what if we dated each other" cuz like they were all not actually seeing anyone they figured "eh, we can try", it started out as a joke...but then they caught feelings and now they're all dating :3

Aaron/Bäbe(aka Smartass)/Asher - Bäbe's old job was with Aaron where they met Asher and when they got a new job, they started dating Aaron. Asher and Aaron know about each other and hang but they're not dating

DAMN polycule/Lovely/Vincent - I think Lovely should know more people and more people should know Lovely. I also think Vincent and Gavin have fucked and they both push Damien's buttons and Huxley has them both on a leash. They'd all be cute together, I know it.

Milo/Lasko/SH - All of my loves, in one ship? Absolutely. After inversion, Lasko started talking to Milo when he was isolating from the group because Milo made him feel bigger than he ever felt when they met and not long afterwards, Lasko ended getting pursued by Milo and SH. It's a very fun relationship.

Sam/FL/Darlin - *Ahem* FL finds Sam w Lovely's help and they ask him to teach them about healing magic. He takes them on as their tutor because he recognizes the same spark he had in them and they both start falling for each other. Darlin is chill w it and doesn't join in the relationship until they get to know FL better and are like "you are amazing and I am going to keep you close forever now".

Milo/Darlin/David/Asher - THEY ALL USED TO BE BEST FRIENDS GROWING UP AND NOW THEY'RE IN LOVE WITH EACH OTHER AS ADULTS. That's it. That's the plot. That's the idea.

David/SH/Milo - Milo realizes he likes David when he talks to SH about him and SH's like "you should tell him then" but Milo's hesitant because they're not as close as they used to be. David however does like Milo but he also likes SH because of their small back and forths with each other and how much he respects their dedication so SH who's noticing all of this is like "He likes you, and he likes you. I think both of you are idiots but you're hot and have a good personality sooo let's all date".

Asher/FL - They're so good together, I promise. Asher and FL bounce energy between one another like a particle accelerator of sorts so they multiply each other's vibes but they both know how recognize and help each other through their shit.

Guy/Seer(Honey)/Morgan - Honey has been a seer obscura all along and was fine dating Guy cuz he was unempowered and they never needed to worry about him finding out about seers but when they have the inversion vision, they meet Morgan who's like "I can help". Morgan requires stress relief which Guy is great at, and Guy+Morgan are also amazing at helping slow down Honey.

SH/Vince/Lovely - These three have a dyanmic where Vince used to get in trouble with the department and used to flirt w SH a lot but SH always kept him ar a distance cuz he didn't have any damn sense. Then SH started liking the person Vince was when he was actually with Lovely. Vince has always liked SH but they just never visibly returned his feelings so he thought they weren't interested but Lovely was like "maybe, talk and like figure that shit out so my boyfriend can stop acting like a fuckin' loser". Vince's dyanmic w SH is absolutely flirty back and forths in contrast to complete adoration of Lovely.

That's all for now, I'm tired of writing but if you're curious about my thoughts on a ship, shoot it my way in a ask🤷🏾‍♂️

[thisnewdevilry]

On gender (sort of). Maybe.

I think I'm a little confused. Not that 'confused' is really the right word in this situation, to be honest, but I think that's rather the point of it, and hope it'll become apparent as I go on.

I had a conversation a few weeks back, the kind of group conversation that feels safe to share and comfortably investigate in the middle of a road-trip coming back frorn an athletic event, where everyone is fighting an adrenaline crash by way of snack food, 5-part choral singalongs, and assigning everyone on the team a Pokémon. This friend, a nonbinary transfemme, helpfully laid out the difference between body dysmorphia and body dysphoria - two terms I hadn't even realized I was conflating before then. During the conversation, another teammate said that they didn't really 'get' the idea of gender euphoria, mainly because they couldn't really feel any pull toward one or the other, instead connecting to a Tumblr-found phrase I suggested, "I don't know, I only work here."

And I'm... kinda there, too? I think? But I think I've got a few things in the way of feeling anything, definitively. I think I've got dysmorphia issues that eclipse being able to find any confident 'yes, that' sort of click, one way or another.

Let me explain.

I am awkwardly shaped, with a very faulty sense of self-esteem and confidence (when it works at all). I am over six feet tall, with broad shoulders and an H-cup chest. I've never felt any kind of resistance to identifying as female my whole life, save for the fact that it's always been a struggle to physically fit anything, and it swings to both sides of the spectrum. I like lacy, soft things, pretty and femme with dyed pink hair... but even 'size inclusive' brands tend not to carry anything that would fit my chest, or support my chest-to-ribcage ratio without hanging off my nips or overspilling the tiny triangles of coverage. Skirts and dresses are iffy because I don't like the risk of them riding up my much longer legs and torso to show undergarments. My skin isn't a big fan of foundation, and tends to dissolve it in sweaty patches the moment l'm in any kind of warm light. My eyelids are no better and can smear my attempts at elaborate eyeshadow in five minutes if I don't layer primer and fixative like a goddamn oil painting.

I also like structured suits, leather suspenders and heavy boots, flat-billed caps and kilts... strong, tall, a bit more masc-presenting; this is also imperfect, as what fits in the chest doesn't necessarily fit in the arm, and what is long enough in the leg pinches at my waist because of my wider hips. I have to compress my chest down if I want to fit in anything that doesn't hang far too large, and my shoulders and ribs bear those lines and creases. In either case, custom clothing is prohibitively expensive, and I try my best to avoid the heavily advertised lure of fast fashion.

I'm pretty sure that my closet is less a presentation of personal style than it is evidence of my thrift-store-based prey drive: if it fits, even just 'mostly', get it and make it work afterward, because you know from experience that you probably won't find anything better. Settle. Deal with it.

I am queer by way of bisexual, married for over a decade, feel pretty settled in she/her pronouns (maybe out of habit?), but I have been stewing over this for quite a while now. I don't know if l've ever felt gender euphoria, possibly because I don't think I've ever felt gender dysphoria either - I've always struggled just to fit in one or the other because I'm big, awkward, atypical, etc. My body dysmorphia has always been in the goddamned way. I tend to feel better just being naked (privately) because then I don't have to worry about all the places I don't fit into anything, but even then, I'm just... y'kņow, there. I exist.

Whee.

I mean, I know it's all a societal construct. know clothing isn't inherently gendered. I know I could choose either or both, but it feels like I can't reach that hurdle because it's halfway down the racetrack and I've got this massive fallen tree right in front of me. I don't physically fit, so I don't literally know where I fit, see? I'm not physically comfortable, so how could I feel mentally comfortable? How could I know how to feel mentally comfortable?

Do I go on a spending spree and resign myself to finding a tailoring service for every item I ever want to wear? Do I have two sections of my closet and just flip a coin every morning? Roll a D20 or three? Do I attempt some form of dressing room montage with a jury of peers (and my wife, of course) and learn how to take their word for it in the form of extensive notes and a grading scheme?

I just... hate being so hung up on having to fit anything, anywhere. I hate the word. It's an "f-word' to me on, like, three levels... and yet I still need to find what fits me in order to find what I fit in turn.

Hell, I just want to find what feels and looks good, so I can deal with whether or not I am as ambivalent/nonchalant toward gender as it appears from this particular vantage point.

(save me, Sexie by Eddie Izzard....)

[owlbelly]

body thoughts (fatness, self-image, social dynamics, etc.)

just coming out of a period of dealing with more intense internalized fatphobia, which happens pretty regularly when my stress over other things goes through the roof (it's an extremely frustrating "coping" mechanism because it is absolutely not coping & in fact makes everything worse, but it is a thing my brain does, this rerouting of uncertain stress into certain self-shaming)

& it's weird to emerge from it, even though i always do, for the past 12-13 years since i actively committed to deprogramming from diet culture & engaging really intentionally with fat lib. i have some tried & true methods of helping myself - the most effective one is to really up my intake of photos of fat people, especially queer/trans fat people, living joyfully & being loved (the photography of Shoog McDaniel is my lifeline), because it helps me reconnect to the idea of myself as a whole person & my fat body as natural, complex, awe-inspiring/beautiful/striking/impressive/whatever-i'm-good-with-feeling

i spent a LOT of my fat life (which is not my whole life - i'd say i was an "average" child, increasingly "chubby" as a teen & finally "small" fat in college - now in my mid-30s i am definitely fat, but also much more aware of myself in the spectrum as being on the upper end of mid-fat or the lower end of large fat) - even after getting into fat lib! - hiding from photos & avoiding mirrors. i have also, for my entire life, most often been the fattest person my social circle, which has extremely skewed my self-perception & made me feel very consistently conspicuous. i think this has a bit to do with the general class/race dynamics of the places i've lived but it could also just be shitty luck. at this point i am craving in-person friendship with people my own size & not sure how to go about facilitating that as i am pretty fucking exhausted by social events & also not really up for just hanging out with a bunch of college kids (which is most of the valley scene)

i think i'm also just carrying around a lot of grief over how forcibly disconnected i've been from my own body via growing up with a fucked up relationship to food, a fucked up relationship to sex & desirability (first ever experiences were non-consensual/abusive, my fat/trans/disabled body is culturally devalued/dehumanized), a fucked up relationship to movement (diet culture & fatphobia make "exercise", sports, dance, etc. inaccessible or actively hostile to me, sometimes i can't move anyway due to pain/fatigue even if the environment is good). like when i see people who seem to be enjoying their bodies in an uncomplicated way (which is probably impossible so we'll say less complicated way) i get so fucking jealous & sad. i've been trying to work on it but i think i still mostly just dissociate from my body a lot of the time, which means when someone takes a picture of me & i see it there's usually an element of shock & i'm so tired of it. i'm so tired.

anyway i was at a workshop recently where folks were taking pictures of us & a friend sent me one of me & i actually liked it, which is how i know i'm coming out of the rut - i looked at all the pictures from that workshop & yeah, there i was being the fattest person in the group (though not the only fat person thankfully) & looking like myself & it was fine. good even. but god what wouldn't i fucking give to be in one of Shoog's photoshoots with a bunch of other queer/trans fat people. what wouldn't i give to experience just enjoying my body without the hooks of fatphobia constantly ripping me apart. i used to think i could experience that if i somehow managed to get thin & now i know that's such a rancid fucking lie - if i did i would still spend the rest of my life in terror of regaining weight & i would still be obsessively measuring myself against some ridiculous ideal. i figured out years ago that the only way out of this is to completely let go of trying to control the shape of my body - to make my goal just caring as best i can for the body i have - and it's been the same thing as letting go of gender for me. i am so much happier & freer without it, and also there's such a huge fucking target on my back because of it. internally i am more often at peace & externally i am more often at risk. i don't regret making that trade but oh my fucking god what if people could just live free!!!!!!!!!

[bunny-j3st3r]

Ref images courtesy of @hollowsart

for the sake of explanation even though it’s just my sona I’m gonna refer to myself in third person lmao.

In canon Au Sai is a mutant that was a marine biologist (I am not that irl sad it was something I wanted to study tho :( ) and had the ability to go to deep depths that humans typically couldn’t descend to because of there body having gills under their fur and their fur being basically insulation for deep waters (they would come out somewhat dry after being in the water, think magic and but not perfectly dry) and this was how they found Ferrol.

In this other au I think they would still be a marine biologist but they never went out to the trench at that time, maybe a punishment from Norman for trying to be a smart ass when they accused Norman of dumping oil and trash into the oceans.

So they got down graded away from the aquarium and ended up having to do a lot of paper work write up at a different lab, this lab happened to be where geneticized animals where being tested on to see if they could more helpful in the future for human kind.

Being a mutant they weren’t all to keen working in this area and they where pretty sure that’s why Norman placed them in there but the plus side was they made decent friends with a couple of the scientists there and would often go and see what they would be working on and give there opinions and thoughts.

At some point of time testing on spiders had began, now because of this they avoided the main labs for a short time as having a fear of spiders they didn’t really want to be around them, until they got an alert email.

A genetically modified Theridion grallator spider had seemingly gone missing, as small as it was they weren’t sure what damages it could do since they had yet to test this out.

As they read this and thought about leaving for the day till they found it, they felt a sharp nip on there neck, instantly slamming a hand down on to there neck they then found the poor creature, ah, they knew the other scientists weren’t going to be particularly happy but they were at fault for this one, should of taken better care of it.

Over the course of a few days they began to find themselves going through some changes, sure they where a shape shifter but there body was doing things that they knew couldn’t normally do and it was then that the process of Jester spider began to come into play.

some lil bits of info

- There spider name is Jester Spider due to the spider that bit them being called a clown faced spider, they designed there costume around a jester but they also gain a more exciting and freeing personality when in costume, thus calling themselves Jester.

- When in costume Sai does not speak, they use squeaks and honks to respond to situations, this is beneficial for them as not using there voice makes it a lot harder to figure out who they are.

- They modified there webbing so it acts still like webbing but also looks like silly string, each shot comes out a different colour. it’s also bio degradable so will often waste away after a day or so as if it were never there.

- Out of costume they seem to be more relaxed and almost tired all of the time, they prefer to take it easy. In costume they are more hyper and playful but they are also really hard to read, this makes them a rather chaotic foe for enemies as they really can not judge there next move.

- Before they got bit there tail wasn’t really that strong, it could be used to help them swim but they couldn’t really do much else with it, after getting bit they seem to be able to use it like a third arm, it’s able to pick things up as well as able to hang them from high places if they don’t particularly want to waste webbing. 

- They have bells on there costume but for some reason can still move extremely stealth like, the bells only seem to ring excitedly during fights.

- They are extremely nimble although it does not look it from there size, but they can move and play the same way a jester would act and perform tricks.

- They don’t shape shift in costume, harder to do and they would be found out quick who they were.

- More mutant types are to be expected in this au and ‘Jester’ has been accused of favouring them over humans, which isn’t true but when humans are protesting mutants just living peacefully it’s a little hard not to choose sides.

- JJJ still calls them a menace so in defiance they break into JJJ’s office a lot and leave small harmless pranks around, they think it’s funny but only seems to annoy JJJ more.

- They have there own villains to deal with here but because of there unpredictable nature, villains tend to find ‘Jester’ very hard to deal with, espically since ‘Jester’ just tends to go in with no game plan other than stop villain and keep civilians safe, but villains aren’t actually ever sure if Jester would keep civilians safe just to stop them because they act so chaotic. (the answer is yes Sai will protect civilians even if it doesn't seem it)

- They can pull tech things they need out from under there hat, this includes web bombs, spider drones, etc, the fun part is they don’t ever actually know what they might pull out, so it could be helpful, might also not be.

[sbsfunnyhaha]

SUPER BOMB SURVIVAL!

It's a roblox game I'm willing to bet that you've heard of before.

If not, explanation is at end of post.

Submission rules are visible when you click on the submission thing.

Uhhh just basic dni criteria shit (and you too O and your gang of goons)

Anyways, here's examples of things you may see on this blog, managed by the teen @paintbrushofthetoontown !

A series of screenshots:

There also may be special featured game screenshots like from Da Amazing Bunker Simulator :3 Those are for later!

SBS INFO:

It's a Roblox game where, each round (lasting about 2.5 minutes), you're put in a square shaped map with many different types. The usual difficulty range is 3-5 since nobody does 1-2 difficulty. People who do THOSE are just babies and suck. Eitherway, during each round, bombs come from the sky or can spawn underground, either exploding within a short time frame or after someone interact with them. The stronger/larger ones are usually in difficulties 4.5 and above. In

During and at the end of rounds, you can get coins to buy skills and perks. In rounds, from finding and grabbing coins, and at the end of round (or after dying late enough in the game) as a reward.

You can also use gems to do more things than coins. Not just to draw for skills or buy perks, but also spawn things in game, increase/decrease next round intensity, etc. You can mainly use them for special skills/perks, such as gift wrap (MY MAIN SKILL), and also the perks (in the perks tab) like Unshakeable, Big Saver, etc.

FROM GAME BIO "Super Bomb Survival is a physics-based survival game where it's raining explosives from the sky! Join your friends & enemies alike in this frantic scramble to avoid explosions of all kinds! Battle, escape random events, and become a badge tycoon!

Buy over 60 Skills & over 20 Perks at the game's Survival Shop to tailor your character to your play-style, or hang out in the arcade and goof off. You can even ragdoll at any time!"

(LINK) I DONT HAVE THE ENERGY TO PUT ANYMORE INFO PLAY IT FOR YOURSELF DAMN I

QUESTION: What is your roblox username and display? ANSWER: Dark_Byrd username, CrayonYell0w display!

Avatars:

I AM A SFW AGE REGRESSOR AND FURRY FOR THE RECORD

QUESTION: Who is that on the second avatar? ANSWER: Look, it's Zubin, from Tally Hall :)

yeah thats all the info yall need uhhhh cya

[arcadequeerz]

@firekitten830 OKIE- Lil Ramble bout em under read more. There isn't a ton but I got some stuff figured out rn.

Their name is either: Mourning Vision or Mourning Midnight- She is a Mortician! Her magic is to do w preparing the dead to be buried and everything that rly comes w said job- She's a Unicorn! They can also see Ghosts/Spirits too due to their profession n magic.

Lives on sight in the funeral home located near/on a Cemetery- Tends to graves and mausoleums on the sight and talks to the 'Residents' that are active there often.

Due to her profession n Magic other Ponies are pretty intimidated n scared of her- They avoid them and shy away when she comes around. Because of this she doesn't have many or any 'Living' Friends. Talking and interacting w the dead is far easier then the living.

The dead can sometimes appear to her just how they looked when Alive, but duller in color and sometimes having injuries related to how they died- Or they can appear to them as pretty scary monsters. But they're pretty used to stuff by now so it takes a Lot to actually scare them.

Uhhhh colors:

I made this on a lil mlp sprite site, n used some tail n mane base from dA! But this is basically her colors- Her fur is dark black, and I think they do have some kind of markings on her but I haven't figured out how they'd look yet. Her mane n tail aren't rly curly or just wavey, kinda in the middle- Both are fine and usually are tied up while they're doing work. Though strands of her mane tend to slip out and hang in her face. She ties her mane n tail up w simple satin ribbons!

She's pretty tall, on the thin side and lanky- Not the size of like celestia or anything but certainly taller then the ~average~ pony.

Her mane is white with shades of bluish green, and her Magic is a similar color. Eyes are purplish blue and will glow when she's using their Magic!

Horn is curved too-!

Not set on what their Cutie Mark looks like just yet- But if I go w their name being: Mourning Vision- A Coffin w a Eye on it maybe? Either closed or open- Or if I go w Mourning Midnight- Coffin w a Moon on it? Maybe crescent shaped?

I am not good w outfits but I imagine they wear a kinda- shall- black maybe w small stars on it?

They also have the lil- beard that Actual unicorns are drawn w usually!

Uhhh thats all I have on her rn, Shout out 2 my friends who gave me ideas for em d:)

[thedeathlysallows]

memento mori

(A/N: At some point I’ll add warnings for the whole story, but for this chapter I’ll just do this A/N. Keep in mind it’s also a dark fic. Warning: Brief violence and sexism)

Chapter 2: Mars

           “Fuck,” Demetri curses, his lips curving into a sneer.

           I throw a lazy gaze his way. I’m bored out of my mind. It’s been days and nothing has happened. The newborns have been… tame. Too tame. I’m itching to get my hands on one of them because otherwise what’s the point of us being here? From the roof of the warehouse we can watch them mill around on the ground like ants. They’re completely feral. Untrained. Squabbling amongst themselves. They’re pathetic and all my instincts scream kill them.      

           “What is it,” I finally ask him.

           “The godsdamn Society sent another one of their little Agents,” he bites out.

           I shrug. “Then we’ll handle this one like we handled the first. Where are they?”

           “She is in the hotel across from the warehouse.”

           The laugh that escapes me is bitter. “They’ve lowered their standards if they’re sending women now. The men were tragic enough as it is.”

           Demetri doesn’t share my amusement. He keeps staring, watching attentively and I know exactly what he’s trying to do. I’m not sure if he’ll be able to get her tenor from this distance. If she were some regular human I wouldn’t doubt my friend for a second, but she’s part of The Society. There’s magic embedded in her very bones. There’s a reason we avoid them.

           “Fuck!”

           “You really love that word today.”

           “I can’t hang on to her. She’s actively fighting me.”

Demetri’s frustration is palpable and leaks into me. I’ve never had to wage mental war with The Society like other have. I can only imagine the frustration. Demetri’s described it in the past as trying to hold on to sand or air. It just slips through your fingers no matter how hard you chase. Honestly it makes me thankful my area of expertise is in the physical realm.

I am Mars, built for war and destruction.

None can stand before me and survive.

Not even an Agent from The Society.

I’ll kill her if I have to and it won’t even be a workout. The Agents are broken down and rebuilt to be vampire killing machines, but I am the ultimate killing machine. I am the apex predator. Not even her blood magic will protect her if it comes down to it.

“Does she look familiar to you?” Demetri tilts his head to the side and crosses his arms over his chest. “There’s something about her face…”

I want to tease him, say something about him having a crush like a little school boy, but the words die on my tongue when I realize he’s right. She does look familiar. Even from this distance I have no problem seeing the delicate heart shape of her face and the reddish-brown waves of hair that fall to her shoulders. Her eyes draw me and I think I can remember what it is to drown. Most Agents are so empty inside that looking in their eyes is like looking into a vacant room. Not this one, though. This one isn’t broken yet.

Something snaps into place inside me and the itch from earlier returns.

She isn’t broken yet, but I bet I could break her.

I still can’t place why exactly she looks so familiar, but I know instantly what she reminds me of. She reminds me of poison ivy growing wild in a forest. I like that. I like pretty, unassuming things with a secret bite. I like bending them to my will even more.

My little poison ivy.

“Do you think she can see us?” I don’t dare look away, feeling my obsession grow as she walks closer to the large window of her hotel room. It will be easy to get in when I need to. Hotels are never as secure as humans or Agents think.

Demetri shrugs. His agitation is growing. “I don’t think so, but who the fuck actually knows with these freaks.”

“Should we investigate closer?”

He gives me an exhausted look. “Don’t tell me want the witch, Felix.”

I know my grin is a little unhinged when I turn my head to him finally, but the idea of a new game is impossible to ignore. “She’s cute, don’t you think?”

“I think she’s not worth facing punishment from Jane.”

“I think she is.”

Demetri shakes his head and mutters, “crazy bastard.”

“Now’s not the time for compliments, Demetri.” I raise the hood of my cloak and jump from the roof of the warehouse. None of the newborns notice give me a second look, too busy fighting one another over nothing. “I’ll be back.”

“I won’t hide your secret from Jane,” he tells me before I get too far.

I don’t need Demetri to keep any secrets for me. Mostly because I think he overestimates how angry Jane will be when she learns I’ve left my post to investigate the Agent. There isn’t a single being dead or alive that hates The Society more than Jane. Alec might, but if he does he seethes in silence unlike his sister.

I’m about to cross the street to enter the hotel when a sprig of green catches my attention. There, growing out of a crack in the concrete, is a small poison ivy plant. How serendipitous. Clearly this is meant to be. I reach down and rip the small sprig from the ground before continuing across the street.

There’s no way for me to hide amongst the humans as I tower above even the tallest of them; however, I’ve been around long enough to know that all I need to do is look like I belong and no one will question anything. Finding my little poison ivy’s room will also be a simple task. Top floor. Left corner room. Simple.

It’s late enough at night that I end up having the elevator to myself. There’s a burn in my muscles, a pull to the room she occupies, that only grows the closer I get. It’s been so long since I’ve had a good game, and I’ve never gotten to play with a member of The Society before. It’s been hundreds of years since they last interfered with Volturi business. I can’t even remember the name of the last Agent I had to deal with back then.

The elevator dings and I step out.

I can feel her.

Hear her.

Smell her.

Venom pools in my mouth. It’s as if I’m a newborn all over again and smelling blood for the very first time.

I make my steps heavy and loud as I walk down the hallway. I want her to hear me. I want her scrambling before I’m even at her door.

Her door.

It’s… open?

Oh. Oh. My poison ivy wants to play too.

I nudge the door open with the toe of my boot and I’m greeted with a darkness so black it feels supernatural. Hmm, she really does want to play.

“Hello little one,” I say, stepping inside and shutting the door behind me. I place the poison ivy on her coffee table. “A gift.”

Something wooshes past my ear and buries itself in the door. I pull on the hilt of the knife, dislodging it easily from the wood. Runes are carved into the silver and I can make out The Society’s emblem. An hourglass running out of time with the phrase memento mori emblazoned above it.

Another woosh, another knife. This one lands just beside my thigh.

“Is this how The Society treats guests?” I know the taunt will draw her out. All Agents are too proud to be mocked by vampires.

“You aren’t a guest. You just got in before I had a chance to put the wards up.” She walks out from the darkness, head held high and knife in hand.

She’s even prettier up close and she wears pride well.

“There you are.” I step closer, but she holds her ground. Excellent. I love when they run, but I love it when they fight even more.

Another step and I’m centimeters from her.

I give her a smile, a low rumble building in my throat. She can put up all the wards she wants to. Nothing can stop me from having her now.

She grips the knife harder and I hear her heart stutter. She knows she’s cornered.

“You made a mistake,” she tells me. “See, I know you assholes. You think I’m stuck in here with you when the reality is: you’re stuck in here with me.”

The knife plunges into my bicep and it burns worse than anything I’ve felt before. Worse than the change, worse than Jane’s gift, worse than hellfire. I stumble and drop to my knees, trying to draw the knife out. My poison ivy takes the opportunity to dart around me and out of the room. The lights flood back on as soon as she’s gone.

She’s feisty.

I like this one.

[wyrdify]

7 Things to Know About Kai

This post has been in my head on and off for the past few days, so I’m going to type it up to get it out. It’s sort of a “get to know the mun” thing, I guess, and it’s catered specifically to who I am as an RPer.

1. My physical and mental health comes first. I go to bed somewhere around 10-11PM Eastern Time every night for the sake of my health, and I try not to push that. I have epilepsy, and lack of sleep is one of those things that lowers the seizure threshold. I’m not staying up late to write replies. As for my mental health, I need breaks from the internet, and I am not going to be available 24/7. Expecting that of anyone is absurd.

2. I write my replies at my own pace. I refuse to be rushed. If I’m feeling a particular reply, then I’m going to write it. If I’m not, then I’m not going to push it. I want to have fun while I’m RPing, and I want to give my RP partners my best writing. This is a hobby of mine, not something I am paid to do. I give the same grace to my partners. I will never rush you. Ever.

3. I am neurodivergent. Professionally, I’ve been diagnosed with bipolar 2, OCD (with trich and derm), and generalized anxiety. I hypothesize I also have autism, but it has not been diagnosed. This means that I can hit highs with hypomania, making me super productive, super talkative, or super unable to focus. It means I can hit awful lows with depression, which causes me to disappear and stop talking to people for days at a time. It means I feel compelled to do things in particular ways to stop my brain from screaming. It means I have a tendency to take things you say to me very literally. It’s a mix.

4. I am queer. Specifically, I am asexual, gray aromantic, and nonbinary. All of my muses are queer in some way, shape, or form. I don’t have any interest in RPing with RPers who are queerphobic. I already have to hide my identity in parts of my personal life, so I’d rather not do it here. This is a queer-friendly space.

5. My English isn’t perfect. I make typos. I forget words. I use the wrong words. I make grammatical errors. Hell, I make up words from time to time, according to Google, and I will intentionally write fragments as a stylistic choice. I don’t like elitism when it comes to writing in English, especially when there are so many dialects, styles, et cetera. I give my partners my best writing, but I will make errors. English is hard enough for us native speakers, never mind those of you who learn it as another language. Let’s give each other some grace, all right?

6. I have squicks/triggers. There are topics I can write, but I need to mentally prepare for them, or I need a warning in advance that they’re coming. There are other topics that I will not write due to my comfort levels. Period. This tends to be why I plot things out with my partners. I want to avoid setting myself off, and I want to make sure my partners are comfortable as well. It definitely makes for the best RPing experience.

7. I have a life outside of RPing. I have hobbies I like to partake in. I have a husband, cats, and friends who I like to hang out with from time to time. This pings back to the first point I wrote. I need breaks from the internet to do other things I enjoy. I can’t write 24/7, and I can’t be available to everyone 24/7, especially as an introvert. Forcing me into conversation all of the time is one excellent way to get me to shut down on you.

These are my basic boundaries. I may add to this later, but yeah. I know this is basically what’s in my rules, but I like putting it here too in more of a paragraph form. Plus, this is one of those OCD “I’m compelled to do this thing, so I gotta” things. It’s annoying.

If you’ve read all this, thanks! It means a lot.

[astroyongie]

Yongie u mentioned that trauma shapes our behaviours. And because of the trauma I experienced I never want to have friends (I know I am crazy).Idk if it’s purposely or subconsciously. But in the other hand I feel so lonely… I just want to open up for someone, and to understand me… to have fun in my 20s. Now I’m convinced I am never able to do that. And that sucks idk what to do

That doesn't make you crazy love, it's simply because you learned to be avoidant when it comes to attachment in order not to get hurt.

It's not easy to break out of a behavior especially when fear is a big component and the best advice (which I know, I give a lot) is seeing a psychologist in order to break that behavior through CCT therapy.

In the meantime, you can try to do what I call "exposure therapy" in order to remove the fear of being with other people because social interactions are very important for your mood to improve and for potential depressive symptoms to go away. Try by making friends online, choose one friend only to hang out and start slowly to adapt yourself to your environment.