#i am attracted to femmes and all

[trickinabucket]

I was so happy abt gender and sex stuff earlier but then i found a femme lesbian being a femme lesbian and it’s given me indigestion

[idolbound]

At a base level, Meredith holds a general dislike towards men, with few exceptions. These reasons are primarily related to sexuality, and her exceptions are given through familial relationships. While this dislike is not necessarily overt (as interacting with men is very much a part of her life), the way she engages with men socially vastly differs compared to women. The reasons below are derived from both canonical events and personal headcanons.

Familial & Interpersonal Relations

As a little girl, Meredith adored her dad. While her older sister Amelia was closest with their mother, Meredith was very attached to their father, spending almost as much time with him as she did with Amelia. While Meredith was very young (around 5 years old) when her beloved mage sister became victim to demon possession and killed their parents and neighbours, she was saved by Knight-Captain Wentworth Kell. In that moment, Meredith saw him as her hero and savior, and it instilled the faith and belief in herself that she too, would become a templar from that fateful day forward. As such, Meredith became an initiate in her early teens, serving as Ser Wentworth's page for a few years. In that time, she learned directly from him, but she also saw him akin to an adoptive father. Over the years, Ser Wentworth began experiencing early symptoms of lyrium-related dementia; prior to his retirement to the Chantry to live out the rest of his remaining days, he named Meredith as his successor to fill the position of Knight-Captain, and in his speech, he called her the "daughter he never deserved." This relationship was pivotal for young Meredith, and in some ways, more painful than losing her own family; she would visit him, watching him and his memories slowly fade away over a two-year period. By the end, he did not remember who she was, and the grief of losing another father is something she has carried with her ever since. In this sense, Meredith's father and adoptive father respected and loved her deeply, teaching her all they knew. She held both of them in high esteem, both as a child and teenager/very young adult. These familial relationships are very important to Meredith, and they are one of the only ways that she finds herself in close companionship to men whatsoever. In a way, she extends this type of relationship later on in her life to Cullen. Taking the older mentor role, Meredith had chosen Cullen to be her Knight-Captain because she felt a sort of kinship with him; like her, Cullen was quite young and deeply traumatized from a mage-related incident. She took advantage of this shared experience to shape and influence his ideology about mages and how to control them in the Circle using strict routines and regulations. In this way, she sought to mould him into her future successor, trusting that he would continue to lead Kirkwall's Templar Order in her footsteps, long after she is gone. In this sense, she has a somewhat maternal relationship with Cullen, seeing him as a pseudo-son; while she would never go quite as far as saying he is the child she "never deserved", she certainly places far more trust in Cullen than anyone else serving under her, and holds a certain fondness towards him.

General Relations

In terms of men more broadly and in a general sense, Meredith has never felt a desire to befriend nor deeply engage with them, mainly for two reasons - both of which are related to sexuality: namely, Meredith's own sexuality as a lesbian, as well as Meredith being seen as someone conventionally attractive to heterosexual men. Combined, these interrelated factors have led to Meredith's general aversion and dislike of most men; she would prefer to have nothing to do with men at a personal level, but works in a male-dominated environment and lives in a heteronormative society, which makes avoiding men in that capacity difficult. In the very least, Meredith finds some salvation in practicing and following a religion that is matriarchal in its hierarchy, even if the rest of society isn't.

Meredith's Lesbianism & Being Conventionally Attractive

Meredith has always been considered a very conventionally attractive person. Even from a young age, she has always been good looking, tall, and strong. Growing up in the Templar Order, she had to live alongside her mostly male Templar brethren in the barracks, and as a result, many of them have tried to flirt with her or even go so far as to pursue a relationship with her over the years. As a young teenager around age 14 to 15, Meredith's interests were strictly on her training and her devotion to the Chantry, seeing herself as nothing but a pure, pious Andrastian, who would likely be upholding a vow of chastity (even if the practice was not mandatory for Templars), or in the very least, choosing to remain chaste until marriage, if there was ever an opportunity to do so. However, as noted in the canon, marriage for Templars requires special permission from Chantry leaders and requires that the non-templar partner must be able to financially support themselves in case the templar is relocated to another Circle.

As such, Meredith often cited her devotion to the Chantry and its doctrine as the main reason for rejecting these boys, but as she grew a little older, around age 16, she started to discover her preference towards the fairer sex. While there had been some... inclinations early on (by way of homoerotic friendships with other girls living under the care of the Chantry), it wasn't until she realized that her lack of sexual interest in boys was not because of her devotion to religious doctrine, but instead, was because of her genuine sexual attraction to other girls. It took time for her to realize that there was nothing about boys that attracted her to them; she lived amongst them, saw them in more personal ways than most other girls her age, and still wanted nothing to do with them at an intimate level. They were her templar brothers, nothing more (despite their efforts to be more than that). This early 'conflict' shaped her ideas about how boys treated her, but felt that she could not express her attraction or pursue relationships with girls without repercussions, and so, for the first few years of being a Knight-Templar, she kept things to herself and still used her devotion to the Order and the Chantry as a reason to reject suitors. As Meredith came to terms with her attraction to the same-sex in her late teens, she soon became quite confident in herself upon entering adulthood. As she inherited the position of Knight-Captain after Ser Wentworth's unfortunate passing in her very early 20s, she was described as having a steeled resolve and being far more charismatic than that of the old and greying Knight-Commander Guylian. This enabled her to bring about changes to the management of the Circle, implementing strict routines and harsh punishments for the mages, without question or doubt from her peers. Even years later, after the incident that led Viscount Perrin to send mercenaries to kill the Knight-Commander, Meredith rallied the templars into a retaliatory charge to the Viscount's Keep in order to arrest him for his crimes; in a similar fashion, not a single templar balked or questioned her orders, and this led her to being named Knight-Commander at the young age of 29. Those who work with Meredith see her as a powerful figure in leadership; between her physical looks and dominant personality, Meredith has established herself as both a competent leader in the Templar Order and an attractive one at that.

Even early on in her career, it was clear to most people that Meredith's devotion to the Order and the Chantry was her utmost priority, but unlike her younger self, she attained more freedom through earning a higher rank, and so, as Knight-Captain at age 24, she began to explore her sexuality and pursue same-sex relations with other women. Mainly, she sought casual relationships with those she knew were like her within the walls of the Chantry itself (again, serving as the only place she can really go to freely outside of the Order). This allowed Meredith to fully find her confidence in tandem with her ascension in the Order, feeling far more comfortable with herself, even if that part of her had to remain hidden from the public, because of her duties as well as the potential for social stigma that could affect her career. Over time, in some ways, Meredith's lesbianism is a little more obvious to those who pay attention. In particular, the templars who have known her and served alongside her for all of their lives have noted her blatant disinterest in, and rejection of, men, and sometimes, likely, the way that she has disappeared after evening prayer and not returned across the harbour until later than most (though for years, when her brethren were still not afraid to ask, she always cited it as 'administrative business', and left it at that). In this time, her love for, and attraction to, women was cultivated, and it played a part in her confidence - which in turn, has played a part in how people perceive her, still, as a very attractive woman.

However, despite all of her hard work and ascension through the ranks of the Templar Order and some of the rumours about her sexuality, some men still believe they might have a chance in pursuing her. This has certainly lessened over the years to an extent as she has gained power and influence as Knight-Commander, and in some ways, because of aging (though that said, many see her as still rather attractive - for example, Jethann of the Blooming Rose referred to her as a "tall, handsome woman" in recent years), but after having to deal with men finding her extremely attractive for all of her life, despite her very obvious disinterest in the opposite sex, Meredith has grown to have a general dislike for most men.  While she generally trusts that the men who serve under her do so at a professional level, she cares little for their personal lives or interests, and only interacts as necessary. Overall, she has very few 'friends', given her position and devotion to the Order, but she holds even less desire to be friends with men. She has no reason to engage with men beyond a professional capacity. That said, though, she does seem to care a lot for Thrask, and is quite upset when she finds out he betrays her, so I like to believe that they were in the same cohort in their youth, training and serving the Order together for many years; in this way, that particular relationship almost embodies a familial relationship, and is most certainly an exception to the rule.

Conclusion

Overall, the social context of Thedas, and Kirkwall in particular, has shaped how Meredith has developed as a person and how her sexuality exists within the constraints of the society she lives in. While Meredith accepts close familial relationships that are based in mentorship, respect, and to some degree, love, she typically rejects general relationships with men outside of that context; as a lesbian woman, she has no romantic or sexual interests in men, but as someone who is considered conventionally attractive by society and ergo, heterosexual men, she has had the unfortunate experience of being romantically and sexually pursued by them. And, because it is not the norm in society, Meredith cannot be open with her lesbian sexuality (again, for fear of social stigma affecting her career), and therefore, cannot establish rejection on the basis of a lack of attraction, but rather, instead, must reject men on the basis of her devotion to her faith. This has led to Meredith's general dislike for men, and preference to avoid interaction if at all possible. Outside of this fictional context and going into real life, a lot of lesbians - myself included - find it more comfortable to decenter men in our lives. This is a process that helps women break free from a compulsory heterosexual society (from Adrienne Rich's (1980) theory that heterosexuality is innately assumed and enforced by a patriarchal and heteronormative society, particularly for women), by way of unlearning and subverting patriarchal norms, and changing gender relations, so that women's worth is not tied to the interests of, nor the relationships to men. Obviously, this process is arguably easier for lesbian women who already lack the romantic/sexual attraction to men and who love and support women. Obviously, for Meredith, this is not as easily attainable in the context of Kirkwall and wider society in Thedas. She spends almost all of her time surrounded by men in the Gallows who serve under her as Knight-Commander, though for the most part, they respect her as their leader. While she cannot necessarily decenter men in the same way as someone like me in a modern world, she finds her reprieve where she can by going to the Chantry for her daily evening prayer where she is surrounded by other women. This is why, if she has the opportunity to meet, work with, or even engage in potential relationships with, more women outside of the Order - as nobles or even otherwise - she will take it.

[minotaurfemme]

realizing im actually a femme has made gender fun again

[flutterbyfairy]

btw sexuality labels do not have to be super specific with strict boundaries of what "qualifies" as being that sexuality. you do not have to base how you define your sexuality on the first description that comes up on google; history, culture, the nuances of personal experience, and what you feel connected to are just as important a part of how you choose to identify!

[blood-choke]

ohhhh, I LOVE your game it’s super good, I’m already thirsting for more! Got one question (I hope I don’t sound…weird?) will my mc be able to be more femme, I love butch but I myself I’m not plus I love dresses.

thank you! and you don't sound weird. the mc however is set to be butch. and just to be clear i don't want to imply that butch is an "aesthetic"; there is more to the identity than just how someone presents, but the mc specifically does present masculine and would not be comfortable wearing dresses or more feminine clothing.

and beyond that, the mc is written as a butch-- again, the identity, not just the way they look. Valentina and the mc are a butch/femme couple and those identities are intrinsic to their relationship and their history together. both characters are written as a representation of those roles, "stereotypical" like you would have seen in an old lesbian bar in the 60s and 70s.

the reason for only allowing the mc to choose more masculine clothing/present this way is also simply because i Want to see more butches like this. both butches and femmes are constantly sanitized in popular media & while of course not all butches dress this way or that way the fact is that so long as the "ugly fat man-hating d*ke" is depicted as a fat butch in jeans and a white tank and so long as everyone treats them as "regressive" and "restricting" and a "negative stereotype" rather than real people with a beautiful complex history within the community and so long as people keep saying "well at least you're not one of those lesbians" then i will keep writing and dressing my butch characters in that way forever and ever amen

[homoeroticvillain]

i should make geist bi-er

[wild-at-mind]

I think every early transition trans person who is into the same gender has to listen to a cis gay person of that gender explain how they are not attracted to you appropos of nothing! As a counterpoint to the gross idea that trans people are always going around trying to make cis gay people date them, my rebuttal is how much of this comes from annoyed trans people saying hey can you ease up on the monologues about how you don't find us attractive or want to date us please.

[saintlesbian]

hm. having a mini gender crisis in the middle of my shift again

[imminent-danger-came]

Not cis, not trans, but a secret third thing

[artemismatchalatte]

Me having to read stories where the femme characters are badly written to be really dumb or evil. (To the point where you the reader asks yourself Why would their butch even like them?)

And also in regards to all the WLW tv shows getting the mass cancelation. Because we cannot have anything nice it seems.

Even an old wlw show I was watching on streaming didn't finish because it too was cancelled after only two seasons. And it was a good show too! This has been a problem for a while.

[howcanibesadyetalsoacowboy]

why can't I call it gay when I'm being attracted to men & when I'm being attracted to women? the woke left >:(

[sapsolais]

,

[genderqueerdykes]

as someone who has been scarred for life by experiences at gay bars, i need people to understand it's beyond tacky to mock people who want queer spaces beyond queer bars- it's dangerous.

let me explain. i went to 2 of my local queer bars a lot last year, as much as i was able to despite being poor. i witnessed a fist fight that was so bloody that ended up with a transmisogynistic drag queen getting hit in the head with a metal baton. the sight caused me to uncontrollably throw up in the bathroom of the club because of how gruesome it was. they had to close down the club and forard people out the back door because of how out of hand this person got- he was screaming transmisogynstic slurs and phrases at the bouncers were were transfem.

i was also sexually assaulted at these places, i was repeatedly groped by several people who i was not interacting with in the first place who found me attractive and decided physically grabbing me on numerous occasions was the way to get my attention. being femme in a queer bar is dangerous even if the people groping you are gay men.

i am also a recovering addict who dealt with alcohol issues in the past and could be considered a recovering alcoholic. i don't want to be around alcohol. i don't want to smell it. it triggers awful memories and also sometimes makes me consider getting a drink, but i can't have one, because the medications i take will cause a fatal reaction- i don't want to be tempted to drink, because it will kill me.

it's not right to mock someone or call them childish or whatever for not wanting to go to a club. whenever alcohol is involved, people's inhibitions are gone and they will do whatever. this includes fighting. i witnessed several other fights. just because it's a queer bar doesn't mean there won't be fights. and it especialyl doesn't m ean that you won't get groped or assaulted because, like i said, since alcohol is involved and it's a bar, there's a high chance this can and will happen.

queer people are not inherently safe angels to be around by virtue of being queer. there are still transphobes in queer bars. tranny chasers come to these bars. homophobic lesbians show up and lesbophobic gay men show up. drag queens and performers bring their cishet friends and family to support their shows. these are not perfect havens. they are not safe. we should not force other queers to interact with inherently dangerous spaces if these are supposed to be our safe spaces.

also these spaces are not friendly to people with disabilities; wheelchair users have nowhere to go especially when it's very crowded. other mobility aids get kicked and knocked over. neurodivergent people can get overstimulated by the deafening music very quickly. photosensitive people can have seizures due to the strobing lights. people with emetophobia like me run the risk of running into those types of triggers. people who are overstimulated by intoxicated people have no choice but to deal with it. dancing is one of the only activities to do other than drink and not many disabled (or even abled) people can dance for extended periods of time comfortably.

not to mention these spaces are not geared toward aromantic or asexual people at all, either. there is a long list of reasons why bars should not be our primary venues of interaction with one another. they serve a specific purpose- for people who want to cruise- but for the rest of us, it's really crucial that we have spaces that provide meaningful interactions with other queers on other levels of our identities.

some people just want to hang out with other queers in a quiet environment and craft, or shop, or drink coffee, or read books together, or just about any other activity on planet earth, and that's not "lame" or "cringy" or bad in any way- these are extremely normal and necessary parts of human interaction that we all require and crave and it's normal to want to do healthy, domestic things with other queers. we need this in our lives.

please take it seriously when people attempt to create queer spaces that don't involve alcohol and bars. it's necessary for our survival and well being as a community.

[brattyfemmebaby]

why do you prefer butches?

i don't just prefer butches, i'm exclusively attracted to butches. there are sooo many reasons why, but here are just a few.

the masculinity which sits on their shoulders so naturally, the way they move through the world with quiet resilience, their tough exteriors and their soft hearts, their loud laughs and the silent comfort that their presence brings a room. i love how i fit with a butch. how my femininity is bolstered by their masculinity and vice versa. the electricity that passes between us when we spot the other across a crowded room. i am so grateful for butches who let me be soft and gentle in a world that demands i be strong all the time. i daydream about how good my nails look on their biceps and how great my thigh looks in the passenger seat with a strong butch hand grabbing it. seeing their work boots at the front door, cooking for them after a hard day, smelling their cologne on my sheets. i love that our roles in the community perfectly compliment each other. i adore being a safe space for them to take off their armor and rest, heal, and feel cared for.

i just love everything about the butch identity and about butch/femme dynamics 💕

[robolvrr]

Love your writing soooo much. Could you make some sfw headcanons (and nsfw) if youre okay with it of conjunx (tfone) d-16 with his femme conjunx??? Also what do you think would be his ideal partner? Maybe someone shy and sweet or someone bolder to contrast him?? Would he ever want a family?? Hes so sweet i love him i cant stop ranting about him😭🤍

déjà vu ☆‿⁠｡✷

[ requests: 3/11 ]

d-16 x fem!conjux headcanons

warnings: nsfw under cut!

realistically, you're both miners. there isn't a lot of fraternization on shifts.. though every once in awhile, you catch his optics and he peels through the crowd (and shoves orion, too busy making kissy-faces and calling out embarrassing memories he's sure to pummel him for sharing), making efforts to get to know you.

d-16 is strong. mentally, emotionally, even his physique, is quite literally built for his role in all aspects. he's appreciative if you take care in yours and share that competence.

isn't judgemental over frames. while he is actually pretty charming and easy to speak with, he's not used to attention and doesn't even stop to think of the possibility.

of course - that was before you, that is. and this tug at his spark, that makes him ignore the cycles of grief, anxiety, fatigue and instead want to earn a bit more from you than a simple hello.

conjux aren't unknown, just a foreign concept for many of the uncogged. especially miners, due to the natural risk with the job. many had died and understandably, few were actually willing to grow close for this very reason.

it's not as if he hasn't weighed the decisions. a part of him is frustrated you smile at him because then he can't forget how his servos shake when you do.

in between short conversations - "what do you think about megatronus?" - "yeah, orion is kind of a glitch, but he means the best." - "oh. so you.. don't have someone waiting for you?"s, it's so obvious he wants you.

when you talk, he leans against the wall, his expression soft. because as violent as he can be, as grouchy or prickly his vocals edge, he wants be soft for you.

elita just shakes her head. he does pick up heavier gear and material around you, puffing his chest. offers you spare energon cubes even though it's digging into his rations.

d-16's love language is touch. he doesn't like it much but he initiates and if you're allowed to instead? then the unspoken is obvious. he may be... stubborn, at first, admitting his feelings. his actions do the talking.

i think he'd do well with a combination - someone who isn't as pessimistic, someone who can still encourage his hope to continue to burn. a little bantering never hurt anyone and coupled with attraction.. well. he's not as irritated with it as one might think.

while he thinks the idea of sparklings is something he may like in the future, he doesn't want to put any risk when he's still so low on the totem pole. if you bring it in passing he tries not to jump you. because while it's clear you two are intertwined, the idea of a part of him connecting with you and creating something new makes him dangerously possessive.

nsfw.

the first time wasn't full interfacing.

you explored the ridges of his empty cogcase, watching him twitch and grunt watching your smaller digits flirt along the sensitive surface.

he makes a sound, some cross between a sharp hiss and a moan that slows you down.

"did i do something wrong dee? you're. you're looking at me kinda intense."

"ffff... just be careful."

"i-i am being careful!"

"hng.. shut it."

even though he wants to flip you right off, pin and yank open your modesty paneling, he wants this to be slow. he wants to take all the time you can afford, because he has no clue when he'll get it again.

that's why even in your fidgeted affections, he keeps still. looks at you in the dark with haunting yellows, two beams of sunlight in his stare that make your plating hot.

he huffs out, slick with lubricants and glad he hit the refreshers before being undone. his servo finds your back, trailing up and down before hooking at your hip.

"e-enough. your turn."

when he slips underneath you, prevents even the slightest suggestion of a wriggle, you have to bite back a whine.

"are you sure? i. i haven't —"

"sit. this? is mine. you are mine. let me show how good you can feel."

that'll do it. he can be commanding but that appears moreso in the berth. it rubs a smug part of his ego that half the time you do what he asks anyways, without even thinking to snark.

"you're so wet.. that's it. open up for me."

quickly your panels open, valve quivering. and his intake is right there, dermas teasing against the pulsing throb of your need. because you don't only want him, you think as his glossa starts to lick — you need him or you might just offline.

maybe in another universe, your lover is a poet. he croons up to you, intimate, filthy, all the praise he never dares to say in public.

you can't see him. but there's a smile you feel pressed up when he finds your exterior node, takes it between his dentae. you relax, only for his glossa — which is thicker than you imagined — eagerly sinks further inside you.

who knew your dee was such a romantic.

remember when i said he wouldn't want to make sparklings? well, he certainly doesn't fuck like that's the case. he can be rough but in a slow, hard and relentless way. his strokes are deep, he never pulls until every drop of transfluid is mixing with your own. he likes when he can pick you up, still your strong and valiant dee, nestled inside when he thrusts up into you.

there's a liiiittle toxicity. just a smidgen. he has a lot to work on himself and some of that is his passiveness. so sometimes, his stress comes rearing its ugly head, or his silent jealousy is starting to flare, which ends with you having to recalibrate your stability and try not to go into stasis while he works that off.

robolvrr 2024.

[tactfullyinappropriate]

Ohhh boy, I'm gonna get a lot of flak for this one but... masc lesbian =/= butch. You can be the most masculine presenting person the world has ever known and that does not automatically make you butch.

Butch is an identity and you kinda need to fit that identity, not make the identity fit you. E.g. "lesbians" who are attracted to cishet men. Sorry, hun, you're just not a lesbian. Find your own identity that fits. You are allowed to be your own kind of bisexual or pansexual but what you are not, is a lesbian.

Sure, there is a lot of room for being your own person within an identity. I am not the same kind of lesbian as the next dyke. But if I did not fit (or if I no longer fit) the definition of the lesbian identity, I wouldn't call myself one and insist that lesbians expand the definition to include me.

'Butch' as an identity exists within a certain context. It *is not* a synonym to man, and it's also not a synonym to 'a masculine presenting lesbian'. If you don't vibe with the whole 'chivalry' concept and the specific ways in with butch/femme courtship (as an example) happens, maybe consider if this is the right label for you before insisting that we expand or rather completely rewrite the definition to exclude those things from it.

Some of the discourse around 'we should redefine butch!' reminds me of the discourse around redefining manhood. "It's not fair that men are expected to have masculine hobbies," they say. "It's not fair that men cannot wear glitter and makeup and retain their manhood. It's not fair that men are expected to open doors, and carry heavy things, and to-to---" Yes. You are exactly right. But butches are not men.

'Butch' is an opt-in identity, not something that society at large expects and requires from you. In other words: if you think femmes gushing about being courted by their butches in what to you appears to be a 1960s play-pretend of patriarchy, is silly, objectifying or demeaning toward one of the parties... consider that maybe 'butch' is not the identity for you. That maybe you are a masculine person with their own unique take on masculinity.

But insisting that we redefine butch is like me insisting that we redefine 'yoga' because I vibe with the gymnastics but I don't like the spiritual aspect of it. I can just go to Pilates instead. Or do yoga and accept that other people in the practice experience it differently.

What I am endlessly tired of, as a femme, is being lectured on what I *should* and *should not* find attractive. I am not somehow betraying feminism, objectifying people and degrading myself by daydreaming of a butch who opens the car door for me or - the absolute horror - brings me flowers on a date. I recognize that other people have the right to their own attraction and that masculine lesbians deserve the freedom to explore masculinity on their own terms and be treated with dignity and respect regardless of where that exploration takes them and regardless of who does or does not find them attractive.

That being said, the whole narrative of 'if you find chivalry hot, then you are objectifying butches and you are, in fact, an entitled selfish person' is tiresome. Not all femmes are women but in being chastised for our turn-ons and romantic daydreams (unless we're the Cool Girl who doesn't like flowers and rolls her eyes at romance) I see a lot of the admonishment directed toward cis straight women who dare to swoon when they read romance where the male lead is courteous and generous.

Except, again, butch/femme *is not* man/woman. It's a particular subculture within the lesbian identity and no one is pressuring anyone into conforming to it.