#i am at a loss for words this is too much

[ariiadnes]

╭ ⿻ ･ TENDING TO YOUR INJURIES

-ˋ ♡ ◞ xiao ･ alhaitham ･ ayato. genshin impact. repost.

❀ ﾟ. ༄ xiao

you imagined this would have gone differently. you imagined xiao would be frantic, furious-- not at you, but at those who dared bring you harm. you imagined he'd be scolding you endlessly for such acts of recklessness, but he does not. instead, he chooses silence, expression stoic, almost unreadable, and it makes the heart sink into uncertainties.

it is silent.

there is a heaviness that lingers in the air as he tends to your wounds, fresh cuts stinging and irritated by the balm he applies in the gentlest of ways. you imagined this would be so much more different, and you almost wish it was, because you can feel his hurt like it is your own, and you know that he believes your pain is his, always and forever.

the salve is cool against your skin ; it tingles, the back of your hand, but a warmth replaces the sensation as his fingers dance across the injuries. he doesn't look at you, but instead, chooses to displace his anxiety and frustration in the way he takes care of you.

you tilt your head the slightest bit, force your gazes to meet as you smile faintly. it is a guilty smile, he notices, and he does not return it, nor can he bring himself to look away.

"i am still here, xiao."

then, he speaks for the first time tonight.

"you should have called me. you know you cannot face dangers greater than yourself alone."

there is something in his words-- a grief, the thought of what could have been, a preemptive readiness for the loss of a loved one-- and your smile turns somber. he is right. you should have asked for help. you are lucky to have survived the night, and you both are well aware of that.

you grab his hand, squeeze it gently despite the pain. you can see that small flicker of surprise in his eyes as you pull him towards you, and in the way your lips meet his, there is the quiet seeking of forgiveness and a known gratitude.

"i'm sorry, xiao." you murmur against his lips. "i will be sure to speak your name when the time arises."

❀ ﾟ. ༄ alhaitham

"be honest. you're pissed."

alhaitham is quick to care for your wounds, but he is not quick to panic. not a surprise, really, and it's also not really a surprise as to how he's acting.

"i'm not angry". he states, a blunt brutality in his words. "i'm just disappointed."

you don't say anything initially, your expression deadpan as it meets his before you throw him a half-hearted glare. there's a slightly teasing tone in his response, though you know he means them. had you been a stranger, you would have thought he was dead serious.

"i'm sorry," you start, "i almost thought i was being grounded for a second."

alhaitham doesn't say anything at first, simply stares at you-- and it's a long while of just looking at each other until the first person breaks. he's almost certain you will be the first to lose in this battle of resilience-- you always are, albeit through his own means. so he scoots a little closer to you, leans forward until all you can see or think about is him. he cups your face with his hand, touch gentle, almost too warm, and how steady it is that he holds your gaze.

"you are." he murmurs, and you almost think you see a hint of a smile when you finally look away, begrudgingly leaning back the slightest bit in silent admit of defeat.

"shut up."

"i won't." he answers. "now come back to me. you have a scratch on your face, you know."

"oh. is that why you were getting so close?"

"yes," alhaitham chuckles, and you are unsure what makes your heart beat faster : the love in it, or the way he closes the distance between you once more, "but i also happen to like you, too."

❀ ﾟ. ༄ ayato

"beloved, you wound me so."

there's a faint curve that settles on ayato's lips, but there's worry in that smile, and you know that no amount of words can ease it. you let out a quiet laugh, your hands in his as he squeezes them gently in comfort to both you and him : to you, in means of letting you know that he is there for you, and to him, in means of reassurance that you are still here, still alive and breathing.

there's bandages all over your body-- no serious injuries, thankfully, but there are still so many, and how they adorn you terribly so.

"and i thought i was the only one who was wounded." you respond, a lighthearted tone in your words. you do not wish to see him sad, nor do you wish to add any additional stress to his already hectic routine. ayato has experienced much loss in his life -- and even now, he must be on guard for those who wish to harm him through means of hurting those he cares for. you squeeze his hand twice : a quiet apology, an i'm sorry, and he hears it loud and clear.

"in spirit, i'm hurt, too."

your laughter grows a little louder. he's always been so cheesy and theatrical when it came to romance. the worry in his smile dissipates, turns into something of genuine relief at your reaction. though you may be littered in wounds, it's clear that you are alright.

"well, we can't have that, can we?" you murmur, pressing a kiss to his forehead in yet another means of apology. "i'm sorry. i didn't mean to worry you." you whisper, and you press your forehead against his. "i'm alright, love. thank you for taking care of me."

[highly-flammable]

I still have so many thoughts about this scene.

It’s very interesting how regardless of what you think of Sauron’s motivations here, his emotions are completely genuine here. Galadriel is someone who has believed in him, who has pushed him and revitalized him, and that feeling, that high he could chase forever. We see how lonely Sauron as a character is in S2, how he has felt betrayed at the hand of Adar, and how normal people (like Diarmid) don’t do anything for him. It takes someone like Galadriel with her level of power and wisdom, and that hint of darkness, to finally feel like he is not alone. That he has somehow been made better.

At the same time, you have to wonder why this is the moment that he chose to open up to Galadriel like this. In the scene right before, he seemed almost calculating as he called her name and stopped her from killing Adar. I, for one, am averse to having too much of a charitable opinion of this guy. To me, part of the beauty of this character in TROP is that he says and does many things that come from an emotionally honest place, but they end up serving his goals in little ways.

As I see it, both things are true: he could genuinely feel a connection to her and felt like communicating it (you can almost feel the words spilling out of him), and he also saw how this moment was absolutely ripe for Galadriel to know they were firm friends and therefore get bound to him. Their fight was seemingly over and he knew she was going to have to leave soon. He had to give her a reason to still have him around, and here he tries to do that. Galadriel is someone who has spent centuries looking for him so that she could destroy him, and this is when he sees that opening where he could get through to her and somehow make her feel that they did not have to be enemies. Sauron’s good at choosing the moments for planting seeds which will bear fruit later, and we will indeed see him referring to this interaction multiple times in the future.

Sidenote: Charlie Vickers has very soulful, expressive eyes.

Moving on to what I personally find even more interesting: Galadriel’s feelings. Morfydd once mentioned in an interview that when Galadriel meets Halbrand, she is desperate to feel anything other than grief. She has been drowning in it for centuries, and when Sauron pulls her out of the ocean in the middle of the tempest, their resurfacing is symbolic of a rebirth. As brash and headstrong and disrespectful as she finds Halbrand, she enjoys his audacity and his wit. She admires that he feels alive and seems to grasp at opportunities. He wakes her up, as much as she does it for him.

But between the two of them, Galadriel is the one still dealing with overwhelming loss. She is mourning so many of her kinsmen, particularly Finrod, who was clearly her guiding light, and also Celeborn. Different shipper camps will have their interpretations of Galadriel and Celeborn’s relationship, but I don’t think it’s up for debate that she had been quietly grieving him. It wasn’t enough to divert her from hunting down Sauron, but the grief itself is clear in 1x07 when she mentions him. Galadriel’s story has been a tapestry of different kinds of loss - the ones that are unexpected and come as a heavy blow like Finrod’s, and the ones where the realization slowly seeps in like poison and eats away at you.

It’s downright painful for her to admit here that she felt something poignant with regard to Halbrand, perhaps simply because she is so afraid of loss again. It must have been ages since she last let someone new in, and this person has rescued her and stood by her (aside from all the playing hard to get) when she was utterly alone. This is the moment where it truly hits her how much he has begun to mean to her, and having gone through what she has, you have to assume she is downright terrified of it, particularly because as per her knowledge, this is a mortal man, with no enhanced lifespan even, his time on middle-earth a mere blink against the ages she has endured and will continue to.

Their relationship has been coded as romantic from the very beginning (I would say right from the moment Sauron first tries to separate from the rest of the castaways in 1x02 and clearly plans to join her). But I don’t believe Galadriel in this scene would ever admit to herself if she felt anything romantic. It would be too much for her, and I don’t believe she is even in the headspace to think about these things . I have to say Morfydd and Charlie are right about one thing: romance alone doesn’t cover whatever they were trying to sell here. For both characters, this is a moment of a tremendous wall breaking down emotionally, and both of them realizing they have met their kindreds. This is the moment that understandably keeps haunting both of them, and I suppose will continue to for multiple reasons.

Sidenote 2: Galadriel’s little shaky breaths and subtly pained expressions are so masterfully done here by Morfydd. You almost feel like you are watching someone’s wounds being slowly, excruciatingly cut open again.

[krisluxxee]

MARS SQUARE PLUTO SYNASTRY | ASTROLOGY SYNASTRY SERIES

this is an entertaining synastry combination to have with another person, at least to those on the outside looking in because believe me, others will notice this couple. The Pluto person in this relationship will have the most power however, the Mars person will die trying to have all the power. In extreme cases, death will be the outcome in some manner if the Mars person does not chill the hell out. Of course, Mars chilling out before it’s too late or they get their feelings hurt depends heavily on the sign Mars is placed in however, I’m not too hopeful. I usually have a lot to say about with synastry interpretations however, considering Mars and Pluto are co-ruled by Mars- which is fast moving, hot headed, ambitious, impatient, and determined the square this synastry presents happens QUICKLY. It’s quite simple. Think of buying tickets to a boxing or MMA fight and someone gets knocked out within minutes- that’s the vibe with this couple. The Mars person will get beat up the most in this dynamic but refuse to accept such a defeat because “who does the Pluto person think they are”. When we think of fighting, it’s a dangerous game because you never know if you’ll hit someone in the wrong place which can conclude in death, or an ending. With such said, the Mars person is extremely vulnerable, sensitive, and weak coming up against the Pluto person all of which emboldens the Mars person to prove otherwise, and I don’t see it ending well. Life is a square, in other words, life is challenging and then to come home to a person who challenges you furthermore. C’mon, it’s too much to bear though the Mars person refuses to accept this because there’s a point to prove here.

There’s always a point to prove therefore, pride is a major problem for the Mars person. If you’re listening or reading this, I’m sure your thinking “why am I only focusing on the Mars person?” trust, I am not but that’s the energy with dynamic. Mars will always make things about them being hurt, wounded, done wrong and ultimately the victim but simultaneously, fighting back. The quote, “don’t start nun, won’t be nun” comes to mind. The Mars person is always mad because the Pluto person is triggering them, then Mars start some shit and finds out quickly they can’t finish what they started. The Pluto person is not innocent in this dynamic however, I can say with confidence the Pluto person isn’t purposefully trying to enrage the Mars person. The Pluto person can just breathe and somehow the Mars person feels challenged, triggered or just mad. These two are attracted to each other because they both behold the same Martian energy, passion, drive and whatever else. However, this relationship is meant to challenge Mars to grow mentally, physically, emotionally and dare I say spiritually. Think of a boxer who wants to win all this fights but refuses to train, work out, get enough sleep, or maintain a healthy diet. Imagine failing to do all that is required to win, getting in the ring, and losing terribly and then blaming the ref, the coach and just everyone else for their loss except themselves.

This is how the Mars person acts in this relationship.

Pluto rules Scorpio, therefore, this implies that the Pluto person will not change, and, in this relationship, they’re not meant to, at least not in the same way the Mars person should. The Pluto person is the trainer, the coach, the example that the Mars person should follow, trust, and allow to take the lead in this synastry. However, the Mars person will have a problem with this by default. With all challenges, their meant to be overcome and only then will you see greatness! So do not think there’s no hope here though, I am not hopeful nor are others outside this synastry aspect – it’s possible. Back to my training example, the Pluto person is the trainer, manager, the guide, the advisor and if enough time elapses where there is no progress or change seen in the Mars person, you will find that the Pluto person gives up. The Pluto person giving up is the death of this dynamic.

So, as forementioned, if the Mars pushes or takes things too far to prove a point, the Pluto person will end things. Regardless, there’s an ending whether that’s due to violence or just an abrupt ending with no point of return. This point of no return is equivalent to ending one’s fighting career, going back to my fighter example. We have all witnessed or heard about an MMA or boxing match turning out so terribly that it ended one’s career due to physical damages that cannot be healed or fixed- hence, beyond repair.

The Mars person is always suspicious of the Pluto person so much so, the Mars person will create assumptions and then act on those assumptions. Think of “leaving before I’m left.” “Cheat before I get cheated on.” “Lie before getting lied to.” You get the point.

Some may think, why doesn't the Mars person just keep that same direct and bold energy to communicate to the Pluto person? Keep in mind, astrologically, Mars and Mercury- planet ruling communications and logical thought, do not get along. Mars is about that action, acting first and MIGHT think about later. The Pluto person in this synastry will force the Mars person to THINK but this occurs usually after the damage has been done.

The Pluto person will have a hard time making the decision to finally end things but that's the only " change" you will see or expect with the Pluto person. This synastry aspect is Moreso about the Mars person CHANGING and GROWING. The Mars person fights so hard to get all the attention and subconsciously " be the victim" but there will come a point when the Mars person is seen exactly as they are. . . THE PROBLEM. THE SQUARE.

[thegreymarveljedi]

Permanent Scars

(Hunter + Omega + Echo (NO ROMANCE!!))

This is a fic that was requested to me by @genericficerblog

I apologize for how short it is and for how long it took me to finish but I am actually quite proud of how this turned out!

Characters: Omega, Hunter, Echo

Type(s): Hurt/Comfort, Angst

Setting: Rex's Ship

Era: Shortly after Season 3 Episode 7

Other Small Details: Omega mentions something about her time on Kamino when talking about Tantiss. When Hunter and Echo probe a bit later, Omega gives an insight into the horrors she endured.

Please also include Omega showing her extensively IV Scarred Upper Arms/

(I hope this isn't too heavy for you)

This is not my usual type of story but I think branching out and writing different things is good and I think it helped me a lot.

I also want to preface again that there is NOTHING ROMANTIC BETWEEN THESE CHARACTERS. Whatever is in this story is strictly between siblings. If anyone tries to say otherwise you will be blocked from my page indefinitely.

Warning: ANGST!!, Hurt/Comfort, mentions of medical procedures, needles, scarring, medical equipment, neglect, mistreatment, loneliness, Hunter and Echo being dads.

(DO NOT CONTINUE IF YOU ARE TRIGGERED BY ANYTHING MENTIONED IN THE WARNINGS ABOVE!! There are plenty of other fluffy stories on my Masterlist that are not angsty)

Words: 1.2K

—————

The ship was quiet for now, not many words to be spoken between the group after their losses on Teth. Rex and Hunter continued to speak in hushed voices as everyone else tried to shake off the awful feelings of the close calls.

Omega had woken up and was still leaning against batcher, just looking at the needle scaring on her left hand. She was used to endless needles from her time on Kamino and just like those scars, these would fade but never go away.

Omega stood up and walked over to Echo, taking his hand in hers. Echo jumped a little at the contact, not expecting Omega to be up.

“Everything okay kid?” He asked and kneeled down to her height, checking her over briefly.

“Do we have any bacta on board?” She asked quietly. Echo’s eyes went a little wide and he gave her another once over but Omega stopped him by raising her hand.

“I’m not hurt, I just want to put some on to help the scars fade,” she said and Echo visibly winced at the many needle marks etched into the young girls hand.

“Yeah, let’s go get you some,” Echo said and ushered Omega to the back of the ship, helping her sit up on the cot they had there.

Hunter had heard the whole exchange and from where he stood with Rex, excusing himself to check on Omega when he walked into the space, he closed the door to give the three of them privacy, walking over and giving Omega a short hug.

Omega returned the embrace readily, let her shoulders relax. Echo returned with bacta not a moment later and Hunter helped Omega out of her jacket, only to be left in her outfit from Pabu.

“How are you feeling Omega?” Hunter asked, checking Omega over just as Echo had done.

“I’m doing fine,” she replied shortly as Echo pulled up the sleeve of her left arm to rest in the middle of her forearm. He took her hand a gentle began to massage the bacta into it, being mindful not to apply so much pressure to the still slightly tender skin.

Omega closed her eyes and tried to breathe, not used to having anyone but AZ to help her with this process. Hunter Nnoticed and put his hand on Omegas shoulder, encouraging her to take deep breathes.

“I’m sorry if it hurts kid,” Echo said as he finished up, closing up the tube of bacta and going to put it away.

“It’s okay. Nothing I haven’t gone through before,” she said, looking down at her now bactaed and wrapped hand.

“What do you mean?”

“What?”

“What do you mean it’s nothing you haven’t been through before?”

Omega hesitated with her response, not having fully discussed with her brothers the exact treatment she received on Kamino. She trusted them immensely but this was something she didn’t like talking about. Echo had returned and was now standing with Hunter, not wanting to push Omega but also curious as to what she meant. She sighed, knowing it was futile to hide anything from her brothers.

“Tantiss wasn’t pleasant by any means. But somehow I was able to endure what they put me through. The needles everyday, the sight of my brothers beaten down and broken, the stoic faces of the doctors and the unforgiving loneliness I felt,” she spoke softly and Echo and Hunter listened. Both of them felt guilty for her capture after Eriadu, the lost of Tech hitting everyone hard and making them vulnerable.

“It felt almost like Kamino in a way. I was alone except for Nala se, the other Kaminoans were never mean but they also weren’t welcoming to me. Watching everyday as more of my brother came in from the front lines injured or shaken up was awful,” she took a deep breath, wiping away some of the tears that had gathered in her eyes. Recounting her time on either planet was hard, but she wanted to push through talking about it.

Omega rolled up her sleeves further and both Hunter and echo gasped at the shear about of scars that littered her arms. There were about 100 needle scars between both arms, some patches of skin bruised to indicate some kind of patch being used as well. There were a few scars along her forearms that indicated a scalpel had been used and burn marks here or there. Her arms were covered in them, all reminders of her time on Kamino not just as a science experiment, but as a prisoner.

“Omega,” Hunter whispered almost silently. She put up her hand to stop him as she kept talking.

“I was an experiment to them and nothing more. To Nala se, I was like a daughter but one that she could use as a test subject without feeling guilty about it. My blood was take, parts of my skin were tests, I was hooked up to wires almost everyday,” the haunted tone behind her voice made Echo turn away briefly to wipe his own eyes, flashes from his time on Skako Minor returning to him. She stood up and moved the hem of her pants down just the slightest bit to show the scars on her hips as well.

“They took bone marrow, part of my liver, so many things were taken and they always left scars. With time they faded and with AZ’s help I put bacta on them to help them heal and fade faster but the scars are permanent,” Omega said and readjusted her clothes, making sure that her scars were covered up once again.

“It’s not something I like talking about but I guess it gets easier when I do. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner,” She said and Hunter enveloped her in a tight hug, leaving no room for argument.

“You have nothing to apologize for Omega, none of this was your fault. Not Kamino, not Tantiss, not any of it,” Hunter spoke softly, his own tears threatening to spill from his eyes as he held his sister. Echo wrapped his arms around both of them, trying his best to contain his emotions as he patted Omega’s back gently.

“You’re safe now Omega. You’ll never be alone again. No one will hurt you anymore and you won’t have to go back to either of those awful places,” Echo said and he felt Omega nod into the hug, her shoulders shaking with raw emotions.

“Thank you. Both of you, for never giving up on me.”

“You’re our kid Omega. You always will be.”

Echo nodded in agreement as he pulled away from the hug. Hunter slowly did as well, keeping close to Omega as she wiped her eyes.

“Thank you listening to me. I know it’s not easy to hear about this, especially for you Echo,” she said and looked to him. Echo shook his head and placed a hand on her shoulder.

“Like you said, it gets easier the more you open up about it,” he said and squeezed he shoulder very gently. Omega smiled at him and wiped away the last of her tears.

“We’ll protect you kid. I promise,” Hunter said and helped Omega down from the cot once more. She nodded and wrapped her arms around his waist again, wanting just one more hug. Hunter happily Obliged, wanting to reassure Omega that she was safe and sound.

—————

If you or someone you know has gone through a traumatic experience, please reach out to a helpline. DON’T go about suffering in silence. You’re loved by people and there are people out there who want to help you❤️

[violetsiren90]

WIP Thursday Wednesday

Pairing: masochist!Bang Chan x dominatrix!f!Reader (idol au ft. Stray Kids)

Genre: oneshot; professionals to ???; smut/angst; found family

Summary: When your favorite client comes to you with an unusual request, you're unprepared for the world, and the heart, you're drawn into.

Content warnings (for snippet only): 18+ (Minors, DNI); pro dom/client dynamics; aftercare post dom-session, including touching/physical soothing; emotional shift and confusion

Word Count: TBD

Author's Note: This is coming along, guys! It's turning out longer than I anticipated, and I couldn't help but share a little snippet. I'm falling hard for this Chan. 💕

If no one has told you yet today, you are loved snd worthy of love. 🧜‍♀️💜

*Read the introductory snippet here.*

******************************************

Regarding him softly, you bring your left hand to smooth his hair back from his eyes.

"I never noticed, but you do try to bear everything on your own shoulders. You never resist with me," you remark with a little smile.

Chris hums.

“Maybe it’s easier for me to ask you for help because I know it’s an equal exchange, y’know? I pay you and all that.”

…Oh.

It’s as if he’s just handed you a stone and you’ve swallowed it. You nod, slowly, as it sinks down your throat and into your belly. Of course he’s right, that’s exactly what makes it different - what makes it work. So why was it sitting in the pit of your stomach like a sickly little anchor?

Drawing your fingers through his damp curls, you gaze down at him. His fair lashes lay like little whisps against his skin, his full lips just parted as he draws deep, even breaths that expand and contract his chest under your palm. What had you wanted him to say? That you you’re different, somehow, than others? That he trusts you so completely?

Massaging your fingers against his scalp causes his chest to rumble with a groan. The liquid warmth that would usually fill the expanse of your ribcage cools and sinks around the little stone into a chilly mist. You shiver, your hands suddenly clammy.

All at once you want this to be over.

Tilting your head back against the bedframe you shut your eyes, breathing deeply and slowly and shifting your mind to focus on touching him with gentle, deliberate hands.

Get a grip, you think in stern command. This isn’t about you.

You hear him sigh and you open your eyes, leaning forward to look at him. His brown, almond eyes are tracing your face with much the same pace as the fingers you move through his hair. The corner of your lips tugs up into a soft half-smile that he returns. Your eyes move to the hands he’s laid over the one you rest on his sternum and suddenly your gaze can’t meet the one he’s still training up at you.

“You should rest. You have a big day tomorrow,” you hum with a gentle pat to his head.

“I am resting,” he croons. It’s nearly a whine and it makes your smile deepen.

His deep sensitivity to the energy of others, however, has him moving to sit up, and immediately you feel the loss of his weight and his warmth. He lingers near as you sit on the edge of the bed, a few feet of practiced formality between where he stands and where you bend to slip black joggers up your legs. The corner of your eye catches the briefest twitch of his fingers, the slightest lean of his stance over the foot pressed into the carpet that’s nearest your own. You stand too quickly and your head spins.

Your eyes dart up to his as he steps toward you, and in the millisecond it takes you to realize he's handing you your shirt, your heart rate has doubled.

"Good night," you say with a tight smile, slipping the garment over your head.

As you turn, you feel a touch at your elbow.

"Hey..." Chris' head is tilted forward and just to the side as he regards you through the tops of earnest eyes.

They linger, his hand, his gaze.

Don't perceive me, your mind whispers, I no longer know what you will see...

His hand and his eyes finally relent.

"Good night."

[thewriterthatghostedyou]

Chapter 3

This week is finally over! Thank god. And I hope you all enjoy this next chapter!

Word count: 2,636

Warnings: canon typical violence, panic attack, and suicidal thoughts

Divider by @zaldritzosrose

‘Perhaps I’ll get lucky and Daeron will get skewered by a jousting pole.’ You thought bitterly as Gaella yanked your corset tightly. You let out a weak sputtering sound as you felt your chest squeeze too tightly for comfort.

“Gods, Gaella, how am I expected to breathe in this thing?” Once King Aegon had allowed you to return to Bitterbridge you had to fight the urge to burn all of the corsets you had from your time in the capital. Luckily you had abstained from such an act as you could not afford to buy new ones with Bitterbridge in such disrepair.

The timing of these celebrations were unfortunate as many other houses were struggling to rebuild after the battles fought and part of you wondered if such timing was deliberate on Aegon’s part before waving the thought away.

“I suppose in short spurts and very infrequently.” Gaella scoffed, lacing you up tightly before reaching for a silken underskirt. “How this ever became standard is beyond me.”

You shivered as the cool silk slid down your back and cascaded around your ankles, reminding you of water dripping down your legs as your corset gave you another sharp twinge of pain that seemed to resemble being shot with an arrow. Your hands become clammy as Gaella threw another layer over your head, and smoothed out the yellow fabric skillfully. Jace would understand what you were doing right? He’d know that you had no choice but to play along with whatever cruel game Aemond and Daeron had planned.

“All right, my lady, time for your hair.” Gaella said before taking a second look at your face, now feeling cold and numb.

Your hands began to shake as your chest heaved shakily. But what if he didn’t? What if wherever he is, wherever your family was, they were disgusted by your complacency? By your weakness? You should have refused to bend the knee to Aegon after Rhaenyra died. Was she cursing your name from the other side? Or did she even care to watch after you from wherever the Stranger had taken her.

The two of you had been close once, when Jace was alive. Jace… It had been easier to forget the pain his absence had left you in while talking with Lord Celtigar, but now that Aemond had taken a cruel interest in you, you couldn’t help but remember the pain Jace had felt at the loss of his brother… Luke… Would Jace really-

“My lady?” You shook your shoulders abruptly, jerking yourself out of your trance before giving the older woman what you hoped was a comforting smile.

“My apologies, I think I drifted off again.” You gave a forced laugh before stiffly walking to the vanity. “I fear that being in the capital again is… bringing up some less than pleasant memories…” You added cautiously as Gaella gave you a searching look before nodding apprehensively.

“All the more reason to leave this horrid city as soon as we can.” She muttered softly, sweetly brushing your hair back just as she had done hundreds of times when you were a child perched on your mother’s lap. You felt your heart slow at the familiar gesture and reason began to return to your head as you watched her quickly braid your hair into a complicated updo that kept your neck free from hair that may irritate it.

You bit your nail nervously, a habit you’d had since you were a child as Gaella stepped back and looked at you with a matronly smile. “You are ready, my lady. And once the lists have been completed I’ll have a nice warm bath for you to return to.”

“You truly are sent from the gods, Gaella.” You rise from your seat to give the older woman a quick hug. It was not the most proper thing for a lady to do, but frankly you didn’t care.

If forced to look at the bright side of this demand, you had to admit that sitting in the royal box seemed like it would be much more comfortable than in the wooden stands where the rest of the crowds gathered.

As you finished ascending the staircase into the risen platform, several notable figures caught your eye as you made plans on who to avoid.

There were three rows in the box, each rising a step above the other as if it were a large staircase that had plush chairs at each level. In the very back were lesser lords, you did not recognize most of them and had no desire to make their acquaintance. They were farther behind the rest of the party and seemed as if their view of the matches would be blocked by Aegon’s banners.

The only notable among them was a woman with pitch black hair who was soothing a young boy with silver hair on her lap. You eyed the boy curiously. He was too young to be Aegon or Viserys and while Rhaenyra had been pregnant when Sunfyre had eaten her, her newest child was only three moons along and too early to survive such a blast. The strange woman paused for a second, her eyes flicking up to meet yours and you swallowed slightly as she eyed you with an intense gaze. It wasn’t hostile or judgemental, but curious bordering on recognition as you met her eyes before looking away, your gaze shifted to the second tier.

There sat the small council: Lord Jasper Wylde, Tyland Lannister who wore his hood as he always did nowadays, and Lord Larys ‘The Clubfoot.’ The three men were on the right of a large ornately gilded seat that sat Aegon himself, half of his face twisted by burnt flesh and you fought to keep your face stony so as to not show your delight as his discomfort. At his left was his mother and daughter. You felt a pang of pity flash through you at the young princess. She sat as still as a statue in her seat, with a dissociated look on her face that seemed as if she was well beyond her years.

A coy giggle diverted your attention away from the somber child to the final row, the occupants of which made your lip quirk into a scowl before being replaced by its regular neutral expression. There sat Aemond next to Carina Wylde on the side of his good eye, leaving only one empty spot on his bad one. A spot that just so happened to be next to Daeron Targaryen himself.

Taking a deep breath to calm yourself, you strode over to the spot, taking extra care to avoid glancing at the youngest prince as you sat down on Aemond’s left. But in your peripheral vision, a trait that Aemond did not possess, you noticed that he stiffened as you passed him and refused to look at you as well.

“Ah, Lady Caswell,” The One-eyed Prince said lazily, having to turn nearly his whole body to look at you. “How wonderful of you to finally join us! The festivities are about to begin.”

You hummed thoughtfully, staring straight ahead at the empty field refusing to look at either prince. “Well it wouldn’t do to miss such a… spectacle. It is why I returned to the capital, after all.” If he thought that he was humiliating you by placing you on the side he could not see in favor of Carina he was sorely mistaken. It only meant that you did not have to make tortuous small talk with the man and that his interest truly was waning.

“Yes well I was unsure that you would heed my invitation.” Aemond shrugged slightly. “As much as I would enjoy the pleasure of your company, as intended, your tardiness has made it so that my attention has been diverted.” You chanced a quick glance to Carina who pretended to be very interested in the favors allotted to each lady, but you knew that she was listening intently.

“I can see that.” You responded calmly, refusing to betray your irritation. “Lady Carina is an adept conversationalist, I take no offense in her presence.” You spoke honestly. Perhaps if he married her already he would leave you alone.

“Wonderful.” Aemond said in an insincere tone with a smile that did not reach his eyes, but as that smile widened you knew that you were not out of the dragon’s lair yet. “It seems like you will have to make do with my brother. I’m sure you both will get along as quickly as a noose takes to traitors.”

You saw red at his comment. How fucking dare he bring up your mother’s death in such a callous way? How dare he-

The younger prince on your other side cleared his throat as you fought the urge to throttle the man besides you. “The first pair are about to begin.” Was all he said, refusing to turn his head your way.

You fought to keep your breathing even and calm as two knights atop heavily armored horses took their places at the edges of the field. You didn’t know what house they belonged to and did not have it in you to care as their lances splintered against the solid metal of their breastplates.

It was now more than ever that you wished you knew how to wield a sword. Your blood tingled through your hands as you craved the ability to slice through as many greens as you could before you tasted the bitter steel of an enemy’s sword. Perhaps if you were able to, you might have been able to die an honorable death instead of living a dishonorable life as an oathbreaker, living as a ghost of yourself and shoveling away your rage for the fear of who else may be harmed from it.

Perhaps then you and Jace could be together. Perhaps you just wanted to be at peace and for the world to quiet. Perhaps the idea of following your mother’s footsteps crossed your mind one too many times. It would be so easy. To leave. Everyone else had already done so, so why not you?

Your mind flickered to an image of your family, once proud but now only you remained. Sighing you steeled your resolve once again. No. You couldn’t die. Not yet at least. You had work to do and a family name to restore.

You had lost too much to let your line end here at the hands of these cravens. If your desire to live was not strong enough on its own, spite may have to be your motivator. And a powerful one it was.

“You look lovely today, my lady.” Came a stiff voice beside you and finally you dared met Daeron’s gaze. Up close he looked like the younger boy he was. Only one and eight compared to your two and three.

You said nothing, vaguely hearing the sound of a body being dragged off the field in the distance.

“I-” Daeron took a deep breath before speaking again. “I had hoped that I could talk to you while you were in the city.”

You remained silent, staring straight into his violet gaze that held a pitying look similar to the one you had sent his niece only minutes ago. Perhaps you would be as somber as she was if you received such a stare day in and day out. You refused to let him see your pain. Pain that he caused, so he would receive nothing. The same terms he gave your mother and brothers.

Daeron flinched as metal clashed against metal and another round began, cutting off the awkward silence between the two of you and the crowd roared in approval at whatever the result was. “What happened… during the war…” He trailed off softly.

He swallowed slightly before he spoke again. “I did not mean for things to happen as they did that day.”

If he wanted you to respond he would be sorely disappointed as you were as still as the ice flowing through your veins.

“I did not know that Maelor was dead until we reached the gates.” He explained hurriedly. “I only sought to bring him home, to his mother- my sister.” His eyes widened as he continued, seeming to forget that you were there. “When my Uncle returned with his egg I made a horrible decision. One that has haunted me since the day it came to pass.”

‘And gods willing will continue to do so until the day you die.’ You thought bitterly, the words that were relayed to you ringing through your head again and again as he sliced through your brothers’ small bodies. Boys only five and two years old. ‘You will receive the same terms you gave my nephew Maelor.’ Maybe you could throw him off the balcony to be trampled upon by the horses below. Your victory would be short lived, but satisfying as all hell.

“I had only meant to burn the inn it occurred at.” You flinched violently as he gripped your wrists with white knuckles and eyes widened and far away. “You must believe me, I didn’t know it would spread as much as it did and when the gates fell… I didn’t know how to stop it. How to stop them.”

You scoffed as you tried to pull away from his vice-like grip. “So you are blameless in all of this. How surprising. You say that you could not control your own men, men you grew up beside as a squire, to which I ask did you really want to?” You hissed quietly, accidentally bumping into Aemond as you struggled out of Daeron’s grip.

Daeron blinked quickly, regaining his senses as he slumped his shoulders as he was about to answer.

“My Lady Caswell!” The three of you whipped your heads to the field below to where the tourney had been raging.

You let out a small smile at the sight of a lord you did not recognize, but was thankful for the distraction nonetheless. The young man had dark black strands of hair that clung to his forehead and a face that you could appreciate from where you were sitting. You recognized his shield immediately as that of House Leygood, another vassal for the Tyrells. The young man was battered by a fight, but still standing as he held his lance out towards you with a charming smile on his face. “It would be a great honor if you were to grant me your favor for the fights ahead.”

“Here.” A light feminine voice called out softly to you as you stood to greet the man below and you took your favor, a wreath decorated with yellow daffodils and white roses, from Carina’s outstretched hand. Carina beamed at you as you took the favor from her and turned to the field. Much to the unexpected displeasure of both Targaryen princes.

“I wish you good fortune on the battles ahead Ser…” You trailed off, gently sliding the wreath down the lance.

“Lucas Leygood, my lady.” You heard someone scoff behind you, but ignored the sound. “Well Ser Lucas Leygood, I look forward to watching you fight.”

The young knight gave you another bashful smile before steering his horse, a beast that had a brown coat with black speckles, off the field so the next match could begin.

As you returned to your seat you noticed Aemond giving you a venomous glare that made you want to smile wider. It seemed as if his plan to humiliate you in favor of Carina in front of eligible suitors had failed.

Although you resumed your previous silence, you found yourself lost in your thoughts about the two choices for a husband you seemed to have.

Taglist 🏷️

Let me know if you’d like to be added!

@dixie-elocin

@shari-berri

@ka1afbr

@sepherinaspoppies

@gorlillaglue25

@indycaelumskywalker

@tojisrealwifey

@fanfics4ever

@g-cf2020

[godawfulfruitbat]

hello tumblr, it’s been a while.

like….WAAYYYYY longer than i intended it to be. but man. shit happened. and shit is happening.

i want to apologize in advance as i come with no art today, i just want to do my best to provide a quick life update and some words of love. talking/writing has never really been my strong suit, but i will give it my all regardless.

in terms of life update, there’s been a good handful of things going on during the past few months. for one, i got a job! i don’t talk about my personal life too much here, but there was a good block of time during the duration of this blog where i was unemployed. but im finally working again and it feels good. in terms of surgery recovery, its been…a lot. i had some minor issues with fluid buildup in my chest, and then later on i had an infection in one of my scars. but i am now at a point where im up and running, and everything has been resolved in that regard. another thing i don’t discuss much here is my struggles with physical health. in my personal life, i deal with chronic pain. and, during top surgery recovery, all of my issues just SKYROCKETED since i was off a few of my medications and have only very slowly been returning to their normal level of nuisance. i’m doing better than i was a few months ago, but things are still not the best. i’m at a point in my life where it has been in my best interest to use a cane in instances where i know i will be walking a lot or standing up for long periods of time to deal with some of the pain i get in my back, hips, knees and ankles. it’s been a pretty big help, and it’s an adjustment i’m glad i made. i’m having a lot of big feelings surrounding my experiences with chronic pain, especially now, but i am learning to live with them and move forward. when i am able to do so, id love to go back to posting on here. however, i am no longer at a point in my life where i can prioritize this blog the same way i used to. i will do what i can, and i promise to come back every now and then to check in with you all. every single one of you has had so much patience with me and showed me so much kindness and i am so grateful. you all are wonderful, and i love you very much.

and since i cannot in good faith say nothing, i am from america and i too am overwhelmed with grief and loss. i am still mourning the sliver of hope i had for seeing brighter days in the near future. but to those who see this and are in the same boat, you are not alone. you are loved, your presence matters and is important. your thoughts and your words are powerful, and it’s not over yet. if you need someone in your corner, reach out. i am here for you, as are so many others. i reiterate; you are loved.

everyone please stay safe, and be kind to yourself. i love you all so much. <3

[xanthekholos]

this article is responsible for hysterics in my household. apparently we can’t put nero in a med scanner or a therapist chair

[sselroloc]

just a little sneak peak bts shoots for later this month ▪️◼️◾⬛

[that-jack-kline-bestie]

so fucking upset. i looked up what's considered concerning weight loss and got a statistic. i looked up the same question but specified teens and i got a bunch of articles about how to lose weight. what the fuck

[pegasusdrawnchariots]

🛡⚔️🏰🐎

[wholesalesoftie]

*kicking my feet, twirling my hair* so there's this giiiiiirl

[b33viemm]

Crap.

What the hell.

First off I want to say how incredible that was. I am in shock. The evolution, the progression from silly tv show to horrifying truth was amazing, the tone difference, the build-up. I am speechless. The camera work and cinematography and how those work into the story was so amazing. The acting, the plot, the plot TWISTS oh my god they were all astounding. So many questions were answered, yet so many left up in the air (in a good way). I will sing my praises till the moon and back. I had an awesome time watching this and I absolutely cannot wait for the next generations.

For anyone who hasn't watched it, Generation Loss is a horror project by RanbooLive. It is incredible and I cannot recommend it enough. If you don't watch Ranboo, even better! You don't have too. It's still great. You can watch them on the vod channel where they will be posted for easier viewing than Twitch vods. You can also buy merch! Do it! Support the show! It was very expensive! Also cool clothes!

Genuinely I was not expecting this and it blew me away. Thank you Ranboo and chatboo for this incredible experience!

[kadoodles-on-ao3]

Sickness update: Still coughing, but it's (mostly) dry coughing now, and my headache is gone! But I'm not at 100% back-to-normal mental capacity yet either :(

Writing update: I've been hard at work on my angsty longfic! I was going to work on something lighter (especially with my cold) but all of a sudden more and more ideas to add to my AU kept popping in my head and I just had to jot them down.

Before long I was finally organizing my outline by putting all my previous bullet-point came-to-me-at-random-times-of-the-night-and-put-in-an-equally-random-order concepts into plot-chronological order as they should be, and making headings/sections for the major location changes to find stuff easier, and getting down how exactly series-and-collection-wise I want to go about categorizing the fic and its sequels, and finalizing their titles (which are all names of songs on The Glitch Mob's Drink the Sea album, give it a listen with good headphones if you haven't before, it's great background music!!) and oh yeah I needed to go over the h2hs again better open that doc, and I definitely need to have the game's script and cutscenes on hand for reference as needed (which was very frequently) and now baby I've got a stew going

I'm having so much fun writing characters I haven't gotten to write before, and (minor/vague Xenoblade spoilers) digging into the details of the lore about Face Mechon and expanding on my take of what was happening on the Mechonis before the party got there, and fitting lots of little puzzle pieces that the game gives you but doesn't directly tell you they belong together which is why I love it so much, and getting into such a nice flow state with it all and gjshfhskfh I love Xenoblade 1 so muchhhhhh!!!

So all that is to say I will hopefully be posting the prologue tomorrow or the day after! :) No promises as it's gotten much longer/more-detailed than I planned for (although I really should have expected that, it's always how it goes with me when I'm having fun writing I just can't stop haha) but it is most definitely on the way to being published soon!

[backslashdelta]

.

[noxtivagus]

apollo n i finally started watching heartstopper tonight n. 😭😭😭🫶🏼🥹🥹🫶🏼