#i am always making him suffer
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The sun was beating down as Darry wiped the beads of sweat off his forehead. It was the hottest day on record in Tulsa—a whole 115 degrees—and Darry was standing on the roof of some soc’s house, helping bring up bundles of roofing.
There was two hours left in his shift and he wasn’t sure he was going to make it if the throbbing behind his right eye had anything to say about it.
The lunch Darry had barely been able to choke was threatening to come back up any second, and it took all of his willpower not to let it. Crawling down the ladder, he could feel his resolve beginning to crack as the sunlight pierced his eyes. An involuntary shudder ran through his body causing him to stumble. The throbbing behind his eye gained traction and was now accompanied by dancing lights in his vision and a pounding in his temples.
Darry winced and grabbed onto the side of the house to keep him upright. His vision swam, and he used the last of his strength to make his way as gracefully as he could to the front porch, where his water was. With sheer luck, he made it just as he collapsed.
In his pain-induced delirium, Darry didn’t notice his boss talking to another one of his coworkers in front of the porch. And he didn’t notice he was trying to get his attention either. “Darrel? You alright kid?”
Darry looked up to see his boss in front of him, crouching down so they were at eye level. He took a swig of water and willed his mouth to work. “I’m alright,” he responded, “just got too hot. I’ll be back to work in a second.”
His boss, George, narrowed his eyes at him. Darry’s vision was blurred, creating three images of George standing up and towering over him. The nausea he had controlled for the past hour was threatening to take over, and the world seemed to swirl around him.
George sighed and put his hand on Darry’s shoulder, meeting his eyes. “You ain’t looking so good Curtis, why don’t you head on home?” Darry almost wanted to cry. He wanted to go home so bad but he couldn’t miss out on even two hours of pay and he didn’t want to leave his coworkers to the rest of the work. George seemed to sense his unease because he followed up his statement with, “you’ll get the full day of pay, don’t ya worry.”
Darry swallowed hard and nodded his head, which only angered the raging pain there. He heaved himself up, and the floor seemed to tilt below him. He would’ve collapsed to the ground if George and his coworker hadn’t grabbed his arms and held him up. Darry thought he heard his coworker saying something but everything sounded underwater. “Easy kid,” his boss whispered to him.
“I’m okay, ‘ust dizzy for a second,” Darry responded, hoping his answer would satisfy them. He bent down and grabbed his stuff, then headed off to his truck.
The drive home took longer than it should’ve, with Darry having to pull over twice to get his vision right or to swallow down the nausea that had begun to creep up once again.
By the time he got home, Darry was ready to collapse into bed and not think about anything for the rest of the night. Unfortunately, he still had to cook dinner and finish the laundry and vacuum the living room an-
Somewhere between pulling into the driveway and the thoughts of everything he had to do beginning to spiral, a gag crept up his throat. Darry slapped a hand over his mouth and opened the door to his truck, intending to make it inside. His body had other plans though. As soon as the door opened, vomit was splattering onto the ground below him.
Taking a deep breath, Darry wiped his mouth and hopped out of his truck, which sent a jolt of pain up his spine and through his head. He stumbled into the house, dropping his keys on the table next to the door. Ponyboy was sitting at the kitchen table doing homework while Soda and Steve were in the living room arguing about who knows what.
Soda perks his head up before being tackled back down to the ground by Steve. “You’re home early,” Ponyboy said without even looking up from his work.
The sunlight streaming in through the blinds burned into Darry’s eyes and closed them tight in a feeble attempt to lessen the pain coursing through his skull. He opened them again, this time in a squint, to both his brothers and Steve staring at him like he’d grown three heads. “Gotta ‘igraine, gonna lie down.” Darry’s own voice was nails on a chalkboard to him, and he held back a flinch. The room felt tense because everyone knew that a migraine was one of the only things that could knock Superman on his ass.
Soda shot up and moved over to Darry, wrapping an arm around his waist. “Close your eyes, I’ll get ya to bed.” Darry almost cried with relief when he was graced with darkness. Soda and Darry moved slowly toward his bedroom, each step sending lighting shocks of pain through Darry’s head.
After what felt like an eternity, Soda helped Darry onto his bed, bending down to take his work boots off. His bed had never seemed so inviting before in his life like it did right now. He went to lie down before Soda stopped him with a hand on his shoulder, making him let out an involuntary whine. “I know you’re hurting but let me grab you some water and an aspirin before you get comfortable.” Darry opened his eyes, which were glossy with unshed tears.
Soda rubbed his shoulder with sympathy before leaving the room. A whole year could’ve passed before Soda returned with a glass of water, a bottle of aspirin, and a wet cloth. Darry smiled and reached a hand out to place it on Soda’s arm. Or he would have if he didn’t miss it, as if his fingers didn’t belong to him. A small, sad smile crossed Soda’s face before he set down the water on the bedside table and poured two aspirin in his hand.
“Take these then get yourself lying down.” Darry grabbed the aspirin and the water, swallowing them with a small gag. He laid down on the bed and Soda draped the cool cloth over his eyes, causing him to let out a heavy sigh. “That feel good?” Darry hummed out a noise of contentment and snuggled down into the covers. Soda ran his fingers through Darry’s hair, which had Darry teetering on the edge of sleep.
Then Soda started to hum, and it was almost like a switch flipped in Darry’s brain, and he was drifting off into a restless slumber.
______
The next morning, Darry was woken up by the blaring of his alarm. Despite his hope that the migraine would be gone with sleep, the ice pick stabbing into his eye socket persisted. Darry slammed his hand on his alarm clock and slowly sat up. The change in his center of gravity had him reeling, vomit attempting to claw its way up his throat.
There was no way he was gonna be able to work today. This meant he had to call his boss. Which meant he had to stand up and walk without collapsing straight down to the floor.
Using as much energy as he could muster, Darry pushed himself up, leaning on his bedside table for support. He could hear his brothers in the living room, presumably getting ready for their respective days. Despite the ground swaying beneath him, Darry put one foot in front of the other until he reached his door. Sheer determination kept him upright as he opened the door and stepped out into the brightness of the living room, causing him to shield his eyes away from the piercing morning sun.
Soda and Ponyboy must have seen him because within seconds Soda was at his side, coaxing him to sit down on the couch and the blinds were closed. “I take it you’re not feeling better,” Soda asks. Darry shook his head, only to wince as his brain rattled in his skull.
Hands appeared on his shoulders and began massaging the tension out of them, and Darry let out a heavy sigh. “No, and I gotta call my boss and tell ‘im I ain’t coming in.” He hadn’t noticed that Pony had gone to the kitchen until a glass of water was pressed into his hand. Darry took small sips, not wanting to tempt his stomach to rebel.
“I’ll call him for you,” Ponyboy said from his new spot behind the couch. Darry wanted to argue and say he could do it, that he didn’t need help. But the warm hands that were now rubbing his neck were turning him into putty.
“Thanks little colt.” Pony smiled and made his way to the phone. Soda and Darry could hear him from their spots on the couch. He sounded older than he ever had, almost as if he was trying to imitate Darry. Darry could feel a small smile creeping up on his face at how grown-up his little brother was getting.
The characteristic sound of the phone hanging up rang through the house, and Ponyboy appeared back behind the couch. “George said his wife gets migraines so he understands and to not come back until you feel better.” He rounded the couch and plopped down next to Darry, a giddy grin on his face.
Soda stopped rubbing Darry’s neck and shoulders, and a wave of disappointment wash over him until his body was being pulled down into Soda’s lap. The hands that were once on his shoulders now snaked their way into his hair, nimble fingers rubbing his temples. “Aw hell Pepsi, you’re gonna put me to sleep doing all that.” Soda laughed quietly and continued his ministrations. Darry felt his legs being lifted and set down into a pajama-pant-clad lap.
“You look miserable big brother, just go back to sleep.” And well, Darry couldn’t argue with that. Between Soda playing with his hair and Pony absentmindedly rubbing his calves, he didn’t stand a chance at trying to stay awake. The last thing he heard was Pony’s soft voice reading something out of a book he must’ve had on the coffee table.
_____
The migraine didn’t let up for three days, leaving Darry writhing in agony. Soda almost wanted to take him to the hospital, but they both knew it wouldn’t do him any good.
Finally, on the fourth day, Darry woke up without a white-hot searing pain in his skull. His muscles still screamed in protest as he got up, but it was bearable enough that he could get ready for work. He pulled on his boots and left his room. For the first time in his life, he was excited to go to his dead-end job.
#the outsiders#the outsiders musical#darry curtis#darry curtis angst#sick darry curtis#migraine fic#i am always making him suffer#im sorry baby#ponyboy curtis#sodapop curtis#sunshine speaks#sunshine writes
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the fact that irving canonically survives through the end of asunder to be at wynne's funeral is so fucking funny to me. nothing but love and respect for MY unstoppable cockroach morally grey machiavellian mage dad!!! he's survived in his position through multiple attempted rites of annulment and blood mage plots popping up left right and center around him. the chantry keeps trying to stamp him out but his dodge game is simply out of this world, divine. civil wars, political machinations and minefields, chantry atrocities, this wily old motherfucker is dodging and weaving his way through it all, not-quite-no-hits-taken-running-it-but-honestly-close-enough-under-the-circumstances style. if solas does succeed in tearing down the veil I would fully believe that one of the like three people still alive at the end of it all would be a very weary 90 year old first enchanter irving going 'oh this shit again huh'. the maker has cursed him for his hubris and his paperwork is never finished (affectionate, it's fine he canonically loves paperwork)
#we should have had the option to leave him in the fade instead of hawke or a warden#he would've just annoyedly shuffled his way back out of there a week later#dragon age#dragon age origins#first enchanter irving#he must be SO annoying to the chantry because it's heavily implied he's made his playground#out of tirelessly finding technicalities and loopholes to exploit that they can't *quite* call him on without domino effects going off#I think first enchanter in the circle system at origins times is a position that invariably and inevitably leaves you morally compromised#but I feel he really does his best within the rules he's given to play with and personally i love him a bit for that. and also#for being an unkillable lil shit. insufferable. inconquerable in his 'I'm about to be such an annoyance to you' impish spirit.#the I'm going to suffer but guess what. so are you of it all. traumatize the chantry back#I just imagine sophia sending letters home right before the vote for independence like '...dad I am hearing some INSANE rumours out here#what the actual fuck is going on back home???'#and he's like 'nothing that you need to worry about sweetie just keep living your best life and have fun killing darkspawn <3'#(there's something that makes me feel So much about how consistently his stance is like... 'you'll always be welcome here#but the circle doesn't *need* you; go be a warden and live your life'. he managed to fineagle freedom for you somehow and won't let you#turn and glance back. not even once. I feel somehow both so abandoned and so incredibly loved it's wild)#oc: sophia amell
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you are a god's best friend. the world is young still, and you are yet younger. he rides with you and hunts with you, and teaches you how to speak to birds and beasts. you are a god's student. you ride in his train and care for a hound that he gifted to you. gods have taught others before. gods have been kindly to others before. your god is your best friend. he gifts you something of his self, a hound of his own hunt.
you are your father's son. your grandfather is dead. no one has ever called you wise, and you are, above all else, your father's son. he swears a terrible oath. you swear a terrible oath. you don't know if you really mean it, but your mother named you well- you are hasty to rise, hasty to run into things. the hunt teaches you patience but you cannot outrun yourself. you are your father's son.
you are a god's best friend and you have sworn a terrible oath, but it is an oath that you hope that your friend can understand. to hunt the murderer of your grandfather, is something that the god of the hunt can understand.
you are your father's son. the blood of elves on your hands does not feel different than the blood of a deer, except in the tight feeling of your throat. except in the thunderous beating of your heart. you tell your brother, who is trying not to throw up, that you need to think of them like deer. he looks at you like he's never seen you before. you are forever doomed.
you are a god's best friend. he does not say goodbye, but your dog comes with you. surely you can fix this, then, surely you are still a god's friend.
you are your father's son. he dies. he dies but before he does, he tells you to burn the boats. you do. you are your father's son. your father dies and, he tells you to swear that oath once more. it is a terrible oath. you have sworn it once. you swore to your best friend once. surely it will not tip the scales to swear once more, if in your mind, you dedicate this hunt to him.
you were a god's best friend, and it is not enough. you are your father's son, and you speak your father's oath. it proceeds to eat you alive.
#tolkien#silmarillion#silm#celegorm#turkafinwe#feanor#feanorians#sons of feanor#orome#huan#its me. celegorm posting again#mandatory disclaimer i am a cringefail celeg truther always#but yeah i think everything is worse if celeg doesnt disavow orome#its about the fall from grace#imagine what kind of person#what force of personality you would need#to be friends with a god. to be close friends with a god.#and that's saying something cause there's feanor and maedhros and finrod and galadriel and nolofinwe and so many strong personalities#and celegorm is friends with a god.#i think it makes his downfall more interesting. makes me want to chew on the implications#i want him to suffer the quencies of his actions#however i am also like... hehe the oath of feanor as a parallel of his oaths to orome#on one hand i loooove “they did this to themselves” interps of the oath#on the other i am OBSESSED with “the oath is literally binding and sentient and they had to struggle against it”#long post
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Some fan art for this latest chapter of @iodotsys and @banana-zim s fic Insane in the membrane other wise known as my favorite thing in the whole world! I hope this dose justice to the EXCELLENCE of this latest chapter!!
#invader zim#art#dib#zadr???#my art#insane in the membrane#I love that fic so so so much#it’s so gooey and crunchy#it’s got textures#that dib is just so awful and messed up#I am SO curious what went wrong with him#and poor zim#what will become of him#will he become some hideous amalgamation of suffering#what will dib do with his dna and the nano bots#giveing it a reread always makes my day
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hello nevermore my old friend…
I’m here to haunt the fandom again…
and write some fics of fluff and sadness…
I acc don’t know the song I just remember it from the trolls movie, ANYWYAS, So. Apparently there was a secret Santa and I missed it, SO I learned to keep a better eye on the going on of the fandom!! and also, I’m here to humbly offer my WIP, where I make Montresor, ultimate bad person, suffer and pine like a pathetic loser. bc karma
the working title is acc ‘outrunning karma’ (Alec Benjamin anyone????) and here is what I present:
After and yet there is only montresor hoping that the circumstances one day aligns so he can satisfy that craving (as if that can cure him) (as if that would ever happen)
#nevermore#nevermore webtoon#nevermore webcomic#prospero nevermore#montresor nevermore#am I bummed I missed the secret Santa? A bit— but I’ve always been a lurker#so like#why get involved now??#Anywhas#I wanted to see Montresor suffer#watch him like have bone deep desire for a person who literally refuses to fuck with that shit#also I feel so bad for Will#he’s peak Pathetic and I can only take so much#before I seek karmic retribution#And it’s too unrealistic to make Montresor pine after Will so#Haha imagine is will and Ada fell in love#I can’t see it#But what if
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Sanji never celebrated his birthday when he was a kid, quite obviously. At least not in a regular way and not with his siblings. But he did visit his mom at the hospital, tried to make the best of cakes (because she always asked him to) and blew out the candles right in front of her wishing and wishing and wishing for her to get better. For them to have a happy ending. Sora always said that if he wished hard enough, it would come true.
It didn't. But Sanji knew, even at a young age, deep inside, that it wouldn't.
So he starts living with Zeff and his birthday is not something he sees worth celebrating. But the man asks him about it one day and the date March 2th is written all over his face when he tries to find an excuse to not tell him. And it's alright, he guesses, because at the end of the day Zeff isn't that big on birthdays either.
The kid has it rough on that day when it first comes, and Zeff doesn't know what to do. What to gift him. He doesn't know how kids his age behave and what they like. Especially since Sanji is not a regular kid. So for his 10th birthday, Zeff tells him he's going to teach him how to bake a proper cake. That makes Sanji extremely happy, somehow. He is not a normal kid, but he sure is a cook. So there isn't a party or eccentric gifts, but there is cake.
Zeff starts giving him proper gifts when he turns fifteen. Sixteen. Seventeen. Ties and suits and shoes and every pretty thing his son has mentioned he liked ever since he saw a very rich businessman walking into the Baratie dressing like that with a woman hugging his side. "It's gentleman's attire! You wouldn't get it!" and look, if the kid wants his snob suits, Zeff won't complain. They have more than enough money for shit like that.
They have a real birthday party when he turns eighteen. And he's all grown and pissed about how he could've made the cake better in his own and acting like an ungrateful brat. But he smiles. Widely and brightly and Zeff couldn't love him more.
So it's not like Sanji hates his birthday... But he doesn't tell the crew about it. He gets sad and weird and in an on and off mode. He doesn't want them to make a big deal out of it and he knows they probably will. He won't stop thinking about his mom, either. So he avoids the crew a little bit too much on that day.
And Usopp notices he's acting weird, because how could he not? Sanji has been oddly quiet and polite to everyone in a gloomy, nostalgic way. Everybody is worried and Luffy tries to cheer him up, but it only ends up bothering Sanji more, from Usopp's perspective. The sniper tries not to be clingy because he knows his boyfriend and he knows that if he's in one of his sad moods, affection will only make him sadder. So he stays next to him, but not too close. Enough to see Sanji smile now and then.
The day goes on and it's time to go to bed, but Usopp notices Sanji is still in the kitchen and decides to change his night shift with Franky because he really, really needs to stay awake to look after him. He refuses to invade his privacy and space, so he just stays close to the kitchen in case he gets out.
But curiosity killed the cat, and he's also extremely concerned. So he decides to look inside.
He sees Sanji, sitting down at the dining table with a tiny, little cupcake and a candle. He's holding a picture Usopp knows well because Sanji keeps it in a tiny treasure chest inside his locker. His mom. And he smiles apologetically. "Sorry it couldn't be a real cake, mom. I wasn't that much in the mood? But hey! I- I improved, didn't I?" Usopp can't see his face that clearly, but he knows, from the tone of his voice, that he's probably about to cry. "I wish- I wish you were here. I'm twenty-two now! You said you liked that number, right? It does look like a duck, after all."
He keeps talking, but Usopp closes the door gently without Sanji noticing. Shit.
It might not be the best idea, but Usopp decides to leave him a little thing under the door. A note wishing him a happy birthday and some flowers. The note also has a drawing of two ducks in it.
The next day, the first thing Sanji tells him when he wakes up (Usopp noticing the flowers placed on a glass vase and the edge of his note sticking out of that same treasure chest from before) is: "Hey, love, would you- Would you like to try and bake a cake with me? It'd be fun."
And Usopp couldn't smile wider even if he tried.
#sanji is just like me fr my brithday makes me extremely sad#he's the light of my life i am sorry i am always making him suffer#but yknow at least he has a happy ending yay#god i am going to be so sanji focused today#good morning btw#black leg sanji#usopp#sanuso#one piece
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you can say or do whatever you want, i will never let this dunya and the people within it harden my heart.
#and i’m beyond sick of people calling it naive foolish and or careless#i am AWARE of it all#i KNOW the risk of being like that#i KNOW what the world and it’s people is like#so what makes you so sure that i’ll break down to the point my heart turns to stone?#wallahi i will never despair#my pain my suffering that i carry around with me will never have been in vain as long as Allah exists and He always will exist#because time is a creation of Allah nothing came before Him and there will be nothing after Him#i know that my suffering has a specific reason and will never go unheard
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I have Gravity Falls and Etc. fic(s) idea(s)
Which, I am going to write now while I am having this fic idea (probably going to be a short one, but in the future I might make a revised expanded version or something. Who knows).
I actually have multiple Gravity Falls and GF TAU and Reverse Falls and etc. stuff that stems from this specific The Book of Bill thing.
Specifically stuff exploring Dipper's nightmares.
(I have some other ideas for the other dreams and/or nightmares too. Sometimes even in relation to Dipper's in some way).
I love my boy, and his nightmares hurt my heart.
But also because I love him, I want to explore even more of issues/trauma/suffering and/or to do Dipper angst. And etc.
Because I want both happiness and/or suffering for my faves/the characters I love very much.
Like Dipper.
So he is going to be getting even more of that from me, probably.
Because he is great and I love him.
#chatxkilluaxnoir#i am a cruel god#i am kind god too#sometimes. and etc.#and this kind of stuff (like my fics and stuff) are some ways me#as a God (writer and/or etc.) shows my love for things#and characters#like dipper.#he might hate what some of my love for him sometimes makes him suffer through.#lol.#anyways. let's just say the fic i am going to be posting probably.#has me really thinking of some TAU lore (that isn't always used. but can be cool when it is used but also cool when it isn't) in connectio#to dipper having reoccuring nightmares.#i have a ironic; angsty idea that i am excited to write.#finally gonna be posting something again on ao3 hopefully. after so long.#also; usually i would want to rewatch GF before doing this fic.#but instead; i am just going to write. and then probably rewatch gf soon.#and once i do. i might make some revisions or additions to this fifc.#like better characterization maybe because characters are very important to me.#and i do want to try to get them well.#and maybe expand on the idea?#but for now. i am going to be writing this idea while it is still fresh in my mind.#gf#tau#gravity falls#transcendence au#tbob#tbob spoilers#the book of bill#the book of bill spoilers
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do love how this is an asoiaf blog but i did not put either show in my top 10 this is the world we live in
#the only season that really compares to the book is season 1.#the rest even when they’re engaging have changed something that feels so central to the hook that i’m mad aksjd.#getting on my soap box#if iwtv s3 is good it may knock someone out. probably qaf.#bsg is p high up there i just think season 4 really suffered on pacing & the suspicious nature of who dies annoyed me.#veep is also very high up there tbh i need to rewatch it. the thing is. as we know. i am a romantic at heart and amy & jonah have my favorit#sitcom relationship. veep has genuinely one of the best finales to ever exist but i’m a sap.#and amy coming back to tell jonah that he made her realize she doesn’t actually have to expect the worst from life. oh my god.#also superstore >>> parks & rec >>> the office bc superstore never romanticized the hell of their job#amy quitting her corporate job when she realized she would never be able to make the changes she wanted within the system she was always#going to compromise too much and wind up like jeff. glenn reopening his dad’s hardware shop & specifically who goes w him & who stays w gina#at the store? it has what the other two lack which is characters that feel like they keep existing after you stop watching#BECAUSE the way they interacted with the world was so real and so much more realistic. amy can’t fix the system but she can find a job that#she doesn’t feel is so soul sucking. glenn may be choosing a harder path by reopening the hardware store but it’s the one that makes him#most fulfilled. gina just gets to make money and be bossy w people who do what they’re told. that rings so true to me.#i almost out bojack horseman in here too actually but once again i think the last season just needed to be a tad longer just like bsg.#also same issue w pitch as w bly manor - it’s an amazingly written season of tv but it’s ONE season of tv#big brother as always outsells yes i am hoping to tempt some of u into watching by posting dan & ian in the dog costume#i have that gif and the ‘sit’ scene saved on my phone always
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i think for the shitty scorpion family, their entire dynamic is definitely toxic (heh) but also neither dusk nor bruno is an inherently terrible person? its just that they’re a) horrible together longterm as they are and b) people who should not have had kids.
#last art was definitely more of a dark humor vibe but one thing that i thiiink kinda comes through is that like.#both of them are projecting their own bullshit onto their kids. bruno has an extremely toxic idea of what it means to be an alpha#and its really just a way hes excused his own semi-suicidal tendencies and horrible self worth. but bc castor is like him he tries to make#him the same way#while dusk is incredibly emotionally stunted and was always punished for wanting intimacy. shes not gonna be affectionate with her kids#at least coming IMMEDIATELY out of her bad situation. shes been given zero time to process her trauma and now shes a mom#and shes just not emotionally suited for that#none of this is an excuse for their actions obviously. both castor and cecil suffer for years to come over thid#this#and this is all castor backstory. hes the most important player here no matter what#part of his arc is about unlearning all of this and breaking the cycle#and yknow im well aware the audience is likely gonna hate these guys and thats completely understandable. but their shittiness fascinates me#like. its specific shittiness. its shittiness that couldve been helped if those two werent at the literal worst point of their lives#castor never sees his bio family again but. i always figured that if he met his parents again as an adult. hed be pissed at them ofc#and give em a piece of his mind. but theyd probably done some introspection by then and they could probably somewhat repair their rel#relationship#<- not canon info jsyk but idk…#yeah though. also dw i have other shitty parents that dont get redeemed at all LMAO#i am very anti ‘’you need to forgive blood family no matter what’’. hell castor still doesnt. i am doing au musing rn#starfall lore#<- sure#would anyone be open to more character rambling stuff like this btw…
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Under the cut are mostly self-insert doodles of decreasing quality. Again, not much directly tied to Team Fortress 2. Might as well toss these out while I have no access to my puter. Much yapping under the cut and in the tags incoming.
Another self-insert, this time less of a "here's me as a tenth class" and more of a "here's my game experiences translated into the class I would take the place of". The Cleaner. Although I guess they could still be wearing either suit. It doesn't matter that much.
That one Convict's Case taunt with Backup would be extremely funny, because the man would be on the verge of a breakdown (he does not want to go to jail so bad you have no idea). The second image- I owe no explanation. You know what I am. You see the pattern with my favourites.
The duality of the man. Resting face versus "just heard you express interest in religion/Russian folklore" face. He's not that hard to make friends with, when you pull him away from all the explosions.
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Some doodles of trying to figure his face out. Unfortunately, the more I stare at him, the more I worry that he looks like A Certain Guy With The Last Name "Kazarin", and the fear of never being original in my life caught up to me.
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Don't look at me, don't perceive me, I refuse to explain any of my actions to you.
#team fortress 2#tf2#that's it that's the only tags i am putting this in. maybe someday i will have the balls to do more but for now that's about it#while i have the chance - and since posts with more of my yapping in the tags don't pop in people's feeds much - i might as well ramble-#-about these guys here. self-inserts or not i'm projecting only half of my bullshit on each one of them. creativity 👍#backup is tall and pale and has sharp canines and more of a dull brown hair colour with tired grey eyes. no amount of babyface or soft-#-hands can really help a motherfucker when he's grimacing so much because he just Hates being around half the people on the team.#cleaner meanwhile is on the shorter side and has constantly flushed skin and brighter colours and whatnot. you can't see it because of the-#-mask most of the time but they do smile a lot more and have a more cheery disposition towards life and see the whole team as their friends!#backup transitioned fully (albeit not very legally lmao) and is scared shitless of not being seen as a man although the last time that ever-#-came up was years ago. he holds onto his last name as part of the heritage he loves and loathes at the same time - attached to his culture-#-and religion and bloodline while also resentful of his family and the regime he knows someone else on the team suffered under.#cleaner just kinda binds and calls it a day. he only does it to confuse the team because while he doesn't identify with being a girl he-#-loves the confused looks his epic gender reveal moment gets. they do not remember their family name or where they grew up or what even got-#-them to this kind of mental state. and he's chill with it he values the here and now way more than some dark edgy backstory.#backup despite trying to be an honest man is afraid of vulnerability as well. he stubbornly refuses to express love towards certain people-#-lest they feel disgusted and turn away. he's afraid of consequences afraid of losing the people he loves afraid of his ''interests'' being-#-what drives them away. it doesn't by the way and he just wasted time being a cold indecisive loser for several months lmao#cleaner wears a suit that hides all of them yes but they pretty much never lie. he is always his truest self and he can always just burn-#-people who don't like him enough to make it a problem. they are a lot more comfortable indulging in their interests - be they innocent-#-and juvenile or violent and dangerous. he is quite open with his affection and his fascinations that backup would rather keep secret.#i want to establish that these two can only exist in separate universes because they both have feelings towards the funny assistant lady-#-and the funny inventor guy (selfshipping for the winnn) and would fight over those two. cleaner would win by the way#it's also a really funny point of comparison. cleaner is objectively more fucked up than backup and still managed to be more normal about-#-their feelings and live as a healthier and happier person than that guy. comedic gold honestly#OKAY I'M DONE if you read up to here you get uhhh a cookie :-)
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isn't it funny how sanji got two hair colours? how his head hair is a bright blond but beard and body hair are a deep black? and how his modified siblings got different hair colors as a modification marker? and how sanji's was supposed to be black?
You're just giving me more reasons to write angst
#honestly i can't believe his color was black it's so fucking funny to me#because it stands out so damn much like#yeah pink red blue green WHY BLACK ???????'#it doesn't make any sense to me but yeah he's the black sheep of the family at the end of the day and his color was actually yellow too#and now it's blue because yadda yadda change of environment and growth of his personality#and i plan to write a whole post about this so i'm saving literally everything for that#but yeah sanji has two hair colors and i am honestly glad bc i don't think his facial hair would've looked that good blond ngl#and also it gives me more angst which is great to me. not to him tho he's gonna suffer in my fics like always#one piece#black leg sanji
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Boy King Seb :D
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#thank you to Grace for the idea of making his chivarly collar red bull instead <33333#he was gonna have both collars but then making that one made me suffer so no not today#this was a lot of fun but also made me suffer. but i keep looking at it and being like AAAHHHHH BABY!!! BABY BOY!!!!!!!#can you believe i tried to do this in one night? i cant#i stopped and came back to it and was like 'no way you could do this in one sitting at 1 am'#this is kinda the ascended form of that very first sketch i made for this au! concentrated boy king sebby!!!#i say to myself i need to take a break from drawing complicated things but youll prob see a nando version of this in less than a week ;;;#okay about the drawing(i wrote good tags and then tumblr deleted them so these are a bit inferior AGH):#this is typical pouty seb but is also referenced off a specific pic from AD 2009(beloved)#its very important to me how emotionally open Seb is. im not sure the specific context of this. maybe after a triumph?#but instead of being that typical stoic serious detached kind of ruler; i like him being openly emotional(think AD 2010)#its important as well for his dichotomy with nando and how they choose to portray themselves#seb is very assured in himself and his rule vs. nando who is more insecure and bitter about his#so nando takes strides to portray himself in that more stoic calculating way bcs he feels like it helps him legitimize himself better#whereas seb has absolutely no care for outward public image and shows how he feels and is loved for it(nando hates it but loves it)#not that nando cant be fun and whimsical!! but to me he always seems a bit more mysterious; like i can never tell his true thoughts tbh#anyways i feel like ill finish 10 more drawings before i end up posting the lore pt 2 LMAO#its just a lot harder to organize and layout compared to part 1 which was just an explanation#pt2 would be a mix of more world building/characterization/anecdotes ive talked about with mutuals(LOVE YOU GUYS!!!)#i have a *lot* of ideas (gotta whip out my notes app every once in a while to write down stuff abt it) just hard to put into a coherent pos#sebastian vettel#f1#formula 1#f1 art#formula 1 art#f1 fanart#formula 1 fanart#catie.art.#*ill prob make a process post later if anyone is curious!! its fun to write abt my process and influences and such#boy king au
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preemptively sorry for how fucking long this is it is YOUR FAULTT THOUGH!!!! large bowl of seeds for u. it is almost 2am sorry.
SO. there are. two ways to assign the prime defenders powers etc. the first way is just, like, categorize their existing powersets within the prt framework, & the second is to give them entirely new abilities based on the way worm works. delightfully, all the powers they Do have work really well for the most part, so even that doesn't require a ton of shuffling.
categorizing their pre-existing powers:
wiwi-- breaker w/ a shaker subclass. neither of them rated very high, but that's already a rare and versatile enough combination!!
dakota-- brute babeeeey!!! brute/mover its so straightforward. hell yeah babey. i don't know what he'll end up looking like post-heart removal & stuff but my guess is that'll end up looking more like a mover/striker.
vyncent-- now THIS one gave me trouble. i... hm. to say this without talking about stuff that i don't think has come up much already, (hey!! you're at that clockblocker pov! directly related to what flechette says!) i'd call him a grab-bag cape, irt the greats at least. post-greats-- again, i don't know what his powerset will look like after this arc! but if he's going all in w/ the fire magic, that would for sure be some striker shit! :]]]
giving them new powers... man i'm reining myself in so hard from five more paragraphs on Why exactly i'm saying all this.
wiwi still breaker for sure, maybe breaker-master, maybe master-stranger. yknow. powers are fluid, the prt categories are pretty rigid. i... don't know. enough about his situation yet to be clearer than that vague idea yet-- i really like the idea of him just. ditching his body & using a noncorporeal form but he still has to keep an eye on his body i think that's great. the noncorporeal form would b able to change its visibility but still b limited by proximity to the body. & fluctuating energy shit powered by fluctuating amounts of recent-death in the area, maybe probably also limited in that it's only accessible in his breaker form.... also i think u will appreciate this style note from the [UNNAMED PARAHUMANS TTRPG] i'm referencing a lot here.
dakota--in this situation he probably would not. have that mechanical heart and shit. he' would still be a mover/thinker-- thinker rating is for faster mental processing + senses imminent pain for the people in his immediate vicinity. not danger, just pain; it immediately registers ambiently & can be generally traced back to whoever it is. no he can't turn it off ever, it manifests as feeling a similar level of pain, yes it works on himself. + mover-- he can fucking fly. no super strength, just very fast flight & the general "won't splat himself flying into something" capabilities, which meshes well w/ the faster processing & reflexes. i'm split on how exactly this would work mechanically but i will NOT go into that now. i am also not going into the 15k discussion in my brain on why dakota 'notoriously bad at thinking about things' cole would be a thinker but u gotta trust the process ok??
vyncent-- trump!!!! somehow this is the only straightforward one to me? he can copy powers at the full strength or ability level of the original for an unspecified amount of time that's usually 1-30 minutes by touching the cape. crucially, he doesn't have any edge on how to use these powers + can easily misuse or become extremely overwhelmed by them. he's easily the most powerful out of the three of them <33
ashe-- ashe is NOT HERE currently and also it's 1:30 am so i gotta go fucking sleep soon BUT they would be a master. easy. :o) they can make some lil guys n do stuff with them!!!!
in general these are pretty fucking cracked abilities, all of them would b oosely above a seven or so in a number rating once they're really settled in their powers-- this is mostly because i'm assuming that they would still be heirs-apparent to the prime force equivalent, which would b the triumvirate :]] anyway. good lord. this is like the cliff notes edition of what i've been thinking and scribbling in the notes app for the past several hours. sorry if it's fucking incomprehensible. gn!!! <333
AAAAAH FUCK YESSSSSS OKAY OKAY OKAY my response is probably going to be equally as long. so it's fine. oooouh buddy.
I KNOW WHAT BREAKER MEANS NOW !!! I dontttt think ive learned shaker yet. breaker is like.... breaking the laws of physics/shifting planes or whatever. PERFECT for william hell yes. for putting them actually in worm world ... ughhhh breaker/master william is REALLY cool. I havwnt learned stranger yet but i think he would develop a complex over being classified as stranger <3 (like how weld doesn't like that he's classified as a brute even though that's not exactly what it means, he just doesn't like the word) . GODDDD just thinking abt putting pd boys in worm is fucking me up haven't they been through enough. I want to see them all in a fit of despair. william ditching his body is SO good I miss when he would do that, also the powers being limited by how far away he is AND THE AMOUNT OF RECENT DEATH IN THE AREA. holy shit. that's so fucking good . im sure he would not overthink at all the fact that he is stronger when more people around him have died . I'm sure he'd do awesome in the leviathan fight for sure for sure .
DAKOTA BRUTE <3 DAKOTA BRUTE/MOVER I LOVE THIS A LOTTTTTT hellbyes. awesome. it's so perfect for him <3 worm world I'm SURPRISED u didn't stick with brute for him. eyes emoji. I trust your judgement but now i am Thinking... Hmm..... YOU BRING INTO QUESTION something I have been thinking about. and I'm going to probably get derailed a little here but stay with me. how the way powers manifest directly relate to the trigger event. because for a WHILE before we learned taylors I was like "OH i bet the powers are going to be directly related to what traumatic thing happened to them" and then we learn about taylor and grue and a couple more and I kind of lost that theory because while you can. technically draw relations between their powers and their events it seemed like too much of a stretch to do . HOWEVER now my thinking has changed AGAIN and I think the powers ARE related to specific trigger events but it's not as straightforward as "oh something scary happened to you with bugs so now you have bug powers" I think it's gonna be more complicated than that. WHICH. THE WAY THIS RELATES. BACK ON TOPIC NOW. to DAKOTA . assuming his trigger event is still he and katori falling off the building I think it's AWESOME that his powers would manifest as FLIGHT for one. and the fucking. pain sense thing. fuck me up. dakota extreme hero complex cole would be so fucked up by a power where he ambiently senses pain from the people around him at all times and cannot turn it off. I'm sure he would feel so normal about being around william chronic pain wisp 24/7. also I can SO CLEARLY imagine how this power specifically would lead to him getting super overwhelmed in chaotic situations like he does in canon. and just fucking. bolt out of there because it's too much. again. he'd have such a wonderful time in the leviathan fight
I AM AT CLOCKBLOCKER POV !!!! actually technically I'm on kid win pov now but I haven't finished his chapter yet. vyncent grab bag cape..... yeah... I think it would be EXTREMELY funny imagining the PRT in pd world trying 2 classify vyncent like. what the fuck does this kid do . what do we do with him. hes got other guys in his head that give him powers. is he a master??? no he can't fucking control them. is he a striker??? only SOMETIMES. is he a blaster?? AGAIN ONLY SOMETIMES. cannot classify him bitch!!!!!!!! giving him worm powers though.. UGH. being able to touch someone and COMPLETELY copy their powers but only for a short period of time???? I fucking love that a lot. he WOULD be the most powerful out of them!!! I can hear taylors inner analysis dialogue about him now and it's very similar to the clockblocker "DONT LET HIM.TOUCH YOU" panic. loooove imagining this playing off of the rest of pd,,, i know there was AT LEAST one time where he had william sort of transfer some of his ghost powers for a minute? I think it was during the lich fight in the theatre but i just remember vycnent floating and going intangible and NOT KNOWING how to control it or anything. loveeee that. in world dynamics I feel like vyncent would be a late addition to their team (instead of coming from another world maybe he just. had his trigger event happen way later than the other two..or something.) and not trusting them as much at first/being REALLY shaky using either of their powers but after a while being really comfortable in a fight with using either Williams or dakotas powers in a fight. Just like. imagining the fluidity of how they'd work together in a tense situation assuming they're not being complete dumbasses <3333 UGH it's really good
AAAASHE ASHE ASHE IM SOOO SO GLAD YOU INCLUDED ASHE IN THIS I miss him.so much every day. from what I know so far master involves having/making/controlling some sort of minion (cannot think of a better word than that rn) AND I THINK THATS REALLYYYY perfect for ashe. i assume he would actually work pretty closely to canon in that his limitation would be the book? or if he doesn't have the book maybe his limitation would be a) having only a few different types of things he could summon (the big hand, the water fairy, duck etc) and/or b) only being able to control them.for a short amount of time after they're summoned so he has to be quick about dismissing them. can't keep the demon hand around for too long or it might start picking things up and throwing them at random. putting teammates in danger bc he can't control it anymore etc etc. alsooooooo in clockblocker pov they VERY briefly mentioned the possibility of having secondary trigger events (?!!!!?!?!) and you know I locked onto that SO FUCKING HARD. ashe being born with powers and then his secondary trigger event being his mom's death <3 im.NOT even going to attempt to talk about how the trickster would work in worm world/if it would even exist in this setting bc i don't know enough about the types of powers and things yet..but just know. I am keeping this in the back of my mind "this is a fun surprise tool that will help us later" style
#also side note but can i say. thw whole time i was reading the leviathan fight a persistent thought in the back of my mind was#“man i really wish they had a cape here who could control water- THEY NEED TIDE... THEY NEED TIDE SO BAD”#so like..really normal about putting prime defenders SPECIFICALLY in the leviathan fight. teehee (<< most diabolical laugh youve ever heard#I HAVE A LOT MORE THOUGHTS ABOUT WILLIAM TOO BUT..HMMMMMMMMM DONT THINK I CAN SAY SOME OD THEM YET#EXTREMELY interested 2 see whether ur thoughts on specifically him and dakota#will change after both the training arc and certain other events <3#hehehehehehehee#GOD I CANNOT STOP IMAGINING. PD IN WORM.WORLD. they would suffer so fucking badly man.#william wisp guilt complex about his powers turned up to 200#HAVING A LOT OF THOUGHTS ABOUT ASHE ALSOOOOO . AS ALWAYS#now that i know more abt power classes i am VERY confidently going to put mark down as a tinker/striker.#with the tinker rating being SLIGHTLY higher than striker bc he uses the things he makes to amplify his naturally weaker striker powers.#tiiiiiide im thinkingggg would be. whats the elemental one.#not breaker bc thats specifically about breaking physics and i dont think that works for him.#is it shaker?????? i dknt think ive learned shaker yet.#U ARE MORE EQUIPPED AT THIS THAN ME whats tide. tide would also for sure be a case 53 right. i havent exactly learned what that means yet#but im assuming its the whole artifically giving people powers thing and. thats tide baby. idk if clones would work in worm world#so maybe its him and his regular siblings all being specifically given elemental powers#so they could work together as some super crazy powerful team. and then. that Doesnt happen <3#(idk if u have listened to the tide oneshot yet but. its good. if you ignore dodgeboy)#ANYWAY. i should start getting ready for work now. im having so many thoughts about this norlw#hollyyyyyy shit#infected my brain with worms (pun intended)#asks#friends!!!#intertexts#wormposting#jrwi pd#<< only tagging so i can find this later when i learn more and can properly yell about it#new haven wards
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I love love love drawing but I cannot draw poses in any circumstances
#anyway the Saint Bernard pmv is still a thing#STILL FIGURING OUT EACH FRAME SO I AIN'T SHARING SHIT BUT#I'm just at the “to remind me that I am a fool” part#which sounds bad bc that's literally the second line BUT. I figured out where all the pictures and posters go#so there's that#I have to draw Tobias in the mirror now as he grows up and I'm. SUFFERING#and then I gotta decide if “tell me where I came from” is a birds view of the town or like. the highway with the sign that says “Welcome to#“how I will always be/just a spoiled little kid” would be like him standing at the bridge and turning into a kid#“who went to catholic school” is the corrupted club (no fucking idea how you call the building in English so. club.)#the beat of silence is a stone falling into the river#“when I am dead I won't join” showing characters at their funeral the“join” beat showing Thea and his brother's family#and then on “their ranks” it shows like. “ghosts” of Thea's family (Thea as a child. Thea's dead brother. and Thea's dad in cuffs)#“cause they're both” side by side Iván and Thea “holy” Thea “and free” Iván#“and I'm in Ohio” Tobías family. his aunt and father. his aunt is staring emptily and his dad looks annoyed/disgusted#“satanic” his father “and chained up” his aunt#“and until the end/that's how it'll be” I have no fucking idea lol#“I said make me love myself/So that I might love you/etcetc” Tobías and Iván stuff Idk#“Saint Calvin told me not to worry about you” Thea's (alive) brother talking to Tobías before he leaves town#“but he's got his own things to deal with” show's her brother's wife and child behind them in the doorway#“there's really just one thing that we have in common/neither of us will be missed” Tobias and thea blabla symbolism#the silent beat after that is two stones in the river#I have no fucking idea what to do at the end tho#modern prophets#CAN'T BELIEVE I FORGOT TO TAG THAT
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