#i am actually fucking LIVID right now jesus christ

[helminth-hrt]

Watching Patricia lose her mind and start spewing this blatantly untrue shit in real time hurts so much more as someone who was a superfan of her music before this happened, because she’s straight up contradicting her OWN discography’s messages.

One of the first albums she ever produced as a 16-year-old, Sky Simplified, has a song in it named Men that is very blatantly about society not allowing men to express themselves in ways seen as “weak” or overly emotional:

It’s a beautiful song, and when I first listened to it a year ago I burst into tears because I felt so seen by it as a trans man, especially as one who’s also MLM and very used to people adultifying me for being butch when I was a kid.

She wrote all of this from personal experience; this was long before her public transition and even her knowing she was trans, so seeing her say the words “men are allowed to cry more under patriarchy” when SHE LIVED THROUGH THE OPPOSITE WHILST PRESENTING AS A MAN AND WROTE MUSIC ABOUT IT is actually insane. How did we get here? What happened?

Do y'all think this is more "I forgot trans men exist" or "I think there are trans people that somehow aren't negatively affected by patriarchy"

[webslingingslasher]

the way i just hurt my own feelings thinking about frat!peter and trouble during their break and her overhearing this girl say she’s been fucking around with him and thinks he’s going to ask her to be his girlfriend (it’s a lie or maybe she’s talking about some other guy named peter?)

but it kinda matches up with when frat!peter and trouble break up and she gets in her head thinking he just didn’t want her :(

puuur okay- this is close to something that will happen in the actual fic but i can't let this SIT HERE AND COLLECT DUST!!!!!

you hadn't felt fury like this before. it was pure boiling rage, it was enough to actually make you break your no contact rule with peter and go straight to the frat house.

banging on the door, peeved you'd given him your key back. if there was one time you needed to get in and catch him by surprise it's now.

when you were met with silence you pound again, the door swinging open before you could break a hole through it.

'jesus christ what do- trouble?'

you blink at ethan, then feel rage, he said he'd always be your friend. friends don't let other friends find out their kind of ex that couldn't commit, committed to someone that wasn't you.

'fuck you, ethan. you're a shitbag, just like that prick upstairs.'

his eyes went wide, shaking his head out when you shoulder check him stomping through the front door. before you could start the decent to peter's room, ethan held you back.

'hey, woah, what's going on?'

'i suggest you leave me alone and mind your own god damn business.'

ethan's left like a guppy watching you take each step with force, your body radiating an energy he wanted nothing to do with. he tried being nice, but fuck that, peter can handle that on his own.

----

you threw peter's door open, you would've knocked, but he didn't deserve your respect because he didn't respect you.

it's been weeks since you've been in the house, let alone his room. peter thinks he's hallucinating for a minute.

'do you know how fucking livid i am right now, peter? i am so god damn irate that i broke all my rules about never fucking speaking to you again, just so i could look you in the eye and tell you that i absolutely loathe you and i hope you get all sorts of cheated on.'

'woah, okay. i think-'

'no! you don't get to think! actually- no, i want you to think about this! i want you to think about how fucked up you are, and how you lead me on for jack shit!'

peter stands slowly, his hands raised in peace.

'i know you're mad at me, but you're saying some very hurtful things.'

it makes you boil.

'i don't care! because you know what's hurtful, what's really, really hurtful?' you didn't realize you were slowly walking to him until you were inches from his face.

'the fact you couldn't be my boyfriend but you can be someone else's. if you want to sit there and play the 'emotionally immature' card, that's your decision. but you don't get to say that and date someone else three weeks later.'

you poked his chest, 'that makes you a liar. and a dick. and unfair. and... it makes me hate you.'

peter carefully removes your hand, you have to look away. you've been nothing but vicious and he's delicate. his touch feels like love, it's unfair, you pull your hand and turn away from him.

'trouble...' he doesn't add more. instead you're held against him, you hate how warm he still feels, the sense of protection unfading. you fight against it, it's useless, he holds you tighter.

'i'm not dating anyone, okay? i'm not talking to anyone, i'm not fucking anyone, i'm not doing any of that with someone that isn't you, okay?'

'she said peter.'

'i'm sure she did, but she wasn't talking about me. i'm not dating anyone and i'm not looking to.'

peter's trying to comfort you but he said the wrong thing, you shove him away and sniff.

'thanks for the reminder.' you stomp towards his door.

'trouble,' you stop him, you don't need him thinking this is something else.

'this wasn't about residual feelings or wanting to get back together. this was about blatant disrespect.'

'you-'

'i still hate you, and i'm never talking to you again.'

peter's voice is quiet when you leave, 'oh- okay. get home safe.'

it shouldn't hurt as bad as it does when you leave.





[sirenium]

I came across this horrible tumblr post that's unfortunately fairly popular, and it's just so fucking upsetting to me. You know that one image with the 'transmasc transition goals vs transfem transition goals' and the transmasc side is all pink and feminine? well this is the twitter screenshot from the post

trigger warning: calling for the death of somebody, disturbing imagery

I apologize but I cannot be assed to do an image description right now, I am too upset. 'whoever the fuck made this needs to be shot' are you that allergic to feminine transmascs? Jesus fucking christ. And the actual tumblr post ""fixes"" the image by putting team fortress characters on the transmasc side. Can we not do shit like that? feminine trans men and transmascs have it hard enough as is without you fuckers calling for the death of people making memes that have feminine transmasc goals. Feminine transmascs deserve to be depicted, actually.

And I know, somebody may come to me and say "but Sirenium! it's clearly infantilization of transmascs!" and you know what? if your first thought upon seeing femininity is 'infantilization' that is a massive you issue, buddy. I am LIVID as a fairly masculine transmasc that this just goes unchecked. I don't care if it's 'just a joke', you just come off as allergic to GNC trans guys and you need to knock it off.

[rodr1cks]

Heather Hills | 1.3k

part one

neighbor trope where you’re in love with Rodrick but he can’t stop pining after Heather Hills, takes place during Dog Days

“Rodrick, she ran over your fucking foot for christ’s sake!” He rolled his eyes at you from his position on his bed. “She’s into me, I know it. How could she resist?” Rodrick wasn’t wrong, he was pretty irresistible, to you at least.

The way his dark hair fell messily over his forehead, the adorable moles on his face, and oh god, his hands. Everything about him captivated you but he could never know. Rodrick liked girls like Heather Hills.

“Y/n? You there?” He said, waving a hand in your face. “Yeah- uh- sorry.” You had zoned out thinking about everything you wish you could do with Rodrick. “I uhm- gotta go. Keep your foot elevated, I mean it.” You gave him your most serious glare and got up from his bed. Rodrick winced at the movement.

You made the trek down the two flights of stairs to the main level where Mrs. Heffley was making dinner. “Hey, dear, is Rodrick doing alright? Did he tell you what happened?” You smiled faintly at her. “Oh he’s just fine. He said he tripped over a rock chasing Greg around.” Mrs. Heffley sighed, “Sounds about right. Well, would you like to stay for supper? We’re having your favorite!”

Mrs. Heffley was always so kind to you, she probably realized you’re the only girl who is actually nice to her oldest son. “Thank you for the offer but I have some work to catch up on.” Truthfully, you just wanted to go home and cry in your bed.

You immediately crawled into your bed as soon as you got home and started going down the list of things Heather Hills had that you didn’t. Blonde hair, tits, friends, popularity, the list continues. You fell asleep mulling over all of your shortcomings.

“Good morning, Y/n,” Rodrick smiled at you slyly. Oh god he has a plan. It always turned out bad when he gave you that look. “So, do you wanna hit the country club with me today?” Your brow furrowed in confusion, “You, Rodrick Heffley, are asking me to go to a country club?” “Yeah, Greg’s chubby friend can get us in.”

He was referring to Rowley Jefferson and he was completely serious. You shrugged in agreement. A smile broke out on his face and he smirked, “Wear something… skimpy.”

You walked back to your house to put on a skimpy bathing suit, per Rodrick's Instructions . What did that mean? Did he want to see you in something revealing? Thoughts aside, you rummaged through your drawers until you found it.

The smallest bikini you owned. It was black and the bottoms were nearly a thong. You put on the top, the minuscule triangles only covering the bare minimum. You threw on a Löded Diper t-shirt that was two sizes too big, courtesy of Rodrick.

You ran outside to meet Rodrick at his van, “Ready?” You nod at him. You had never felt so anxious before in your life. Rodrick reached over to turn the music up and you flinched. “Woah, woah, you okay over there, y/n?” Your face flushed, “Oh yeah, I-I’m fine,” you stammered.

After a short but bumpy ride, you guys arrived. “Follow me,” Rodrick said in a hushed voice. Apprehensively, you did as he asked.

“Rodrick, it reeks back here, when did you say Greg will get here?” Rodrick was obviously just as frustrated as you were but he assured you it would be any moment. Just then, the locked gate rattled. “Finally! Greg, my man!” Rodrick gave his younger brother a couple slaps on his back and you giggled. It was rare to witness them getting along, it was sweet.

The country club was nice. Rodrick led you over to a couple of chairs, “Make yourself at home, señorita.” Rodrick plopped down and stretched his arms behind his head. God, his muscles. You removed your shirt before you sat, and hovered for a moment. You were holding your arms around your stomach and looking around, discomfort evident on your face. So many beautiful girls there made you feel lesser. “Hey, y/n, you look great. Relax.” You instantly felt more at ease. For a while, you and Rodrick just sat and enjoyed the day.

Then you saw her. It was her. Heather Hills in a lifeguard suit strutting past both of you. You sat up and so did Rodrick.

“H-hey Heather!” Rodrick called after her. She made a noise of disgust, “As if, loser!” Rodrick huffed, “Damn it, you weren’t enough? I need to get to her somehow.”

Your heart dropped, you were there to make Heather Hills… jealous? “Rodrick? Did you bring me here just to-“ He cut you off, “Yeah yeah, one minute y/n.” He completely dismissed you and ran off.

You were livid. Absolutely enraged. You could be sad later but right now you needed Rodrick to know how furious he’d made you. The splash he made when he jumped into the pool caught your attention.

What the fuck was he trying to do?

Rodrick began flailing his arms around, splashing and gasping, “Help! Help me I’m drowning!” He cried out similar exclamations for the next minute or so. You’d seen enough. You grabbed your things and left, you’d walk home. Greg stopped you on your way out, “I’m sorry y/n, maybe he’ll realize soon.” You sighed, ruffing up Greg’s hair. How was Greg already smarter than Rodrick?

Jesus your house was further than you thought, did you even know where you were? Whatever, you’d figure it out. You were kicking pebbles along the sidewalk when you heard his van pull up beside you. “Y/n, get in the van,” he called out. You ignored him. “C’mon,” he yelled, “let me make sure you get home safely, please.” You gave in, you were tired of walking anyways. “Thank you,” he said when you plopped down in the passenger seat.

The van stopped abruptly in front of your houses. You broke the awkward silence and started going off on him. “You’re an asshole, you know that?. You used me to try and get to Heather Hills? Y’know how shitty that made me feel? For a second I thought- I really thought-” You paused, “Forget it.” You flung open your door and stormed into your front door. Rodrick was still absolutely oblivious.

He decided to give you some space and go to his own home. Greg was sitting on the floor playing twisted wizard when Rodrick walked in. “You still don’t get it do you?” Greg asked. Rodrick, visibly annoyed, quipped back, “Nothing to get, little bro,” and bounded up the stairs.

You woke up, groggy. You had fallen asleep at some point after getting home. What time is it? It was only 4pm. You heard knocking on your back door, Great. Dramatically, you flung the door open, already knowing who it was. You gestured, reluctantly inviting him in. Remembering what you were wearing, you blushed. You were still in a large t-shirt and bikini bottoms.

“Y/n, I’m sorry. I talked to Greg about it and I understand how stupid I am.” He seemed genuinely embarrassed. You took pity on him, how could you not? “It’s okay, Rodrick. I overreacted.” He smiled, “Great! Because I have great news!” You returned the smile, half-heartedly. “What’s your news?” “Okay, so after you left, Greg scored me a gig at Heather Hills’ sweet 16! Can you believe it?”

There was that feeling again, your heart shriveling and dropping to the depths of hell. Greg didn’t get through to him, after all. “Oh that’s- that’s great, Rodrick.” You really tried to seem enthused. “When is it?” you asked. “It’s in a week and you’re totally coming with, I need my favorite roadie there!” Rodrick was sweet sometimes, just not in the way you wanted. At least he wanted you there.

+hi hi this was my first fic in a long long time!! hope you enjoyed:) stick around for part 2

read part two here

[simplybeeingwren]

One comment I saw over and over again was people claiming Christian Extremists "aren't true Christians".

Here's the thing, it doesn't matter.

It just doesn't fucking matter.

The whole point is Christian Nationalism *Exists and it is Wrong*.

They want to infiltrate the government and it's no secret. They base it off of Matthew 28:28-30. They won't stop with the US. Their goal is Global Domination. Just look at how they have already dominated the globe with their Christian White Supremacy. Their next goal is taking over politics. They aren't quiet about it because they think they are following Christ. It is part of their faith.

I want you to take them seriously when they tell you their agenda.

Stop dismissing and downplaying them. Stop theologically debating them. Stop shrugging your shoulders to live your best life like they don't exist.

Your dismissive attitude about them doesn't matter when they are lobbying to take your rights away.

They've already declared a "holy w@r" on unbelievers, and the political climate is playing into their hands. It's fucking already started.

As much compassion as I have, we cannot pander or cater to them. Loving people doesn't mean that we aren't allowed to be angry. I'm fuckin livid and you should be too.

Now that that's out of the way,

I am agnostic. I *personally do not follow Jesus. I don't really care about him, honestly. I don't care what the Bible says. I just want to have a healthy planet to live on and a healthy society as best we can, not just for us, but for future generations.

I see atheism and theists as both valid *personal beliefs. I just think it's best for us not to confuse faith with facts which is why I am agnostic. I have a lot of believer friends on my page whom I respect, and I have a lot of atheist friends I respect. Have fun debating among yourselves if that brings you joy. Just please be respectful and remember we are limited in our understanding here.

I believe in basic human kindness, but I am not naive. I don't follow Jesus, I do not feel compelled to follow his teachings. I may or may not subscribe to turning the other cheek or even forgiveness. If you bite me, I might bite back. 🤷🏼‍♀️ I don't play with oppression or abusers.

And for fucks sake, I got my tattoos After I Deconstructed. 🙄🙄🙄 Thank you for telling me what wasn't allowed in my own religion... I wasn't even able to speak my mind as a woman, or even God forbid, *say something Insightful in the presence of men* without getting gossiped about or kicked out of the church, but please, tell me how having tattoos *Today invalidates what I said about my own Past experience. I don't want to go to your "fairyland" anyway 🤣🤣🤣 Yes, I was actually quoting a comment. Lmao

I do not speak because I am trying to win anyone over. I speak because, bottom line, it's worth speaking. I speak because We are the MAJORITY and need to act like it. I speak because I have the courage to. I speak because I am a woman and a mother. I speak because I care about my country and humanity. However, changing minds is never a reason why I do what I do. I don't care about that. I respect people enough to let them be.

To all of those who were genuine, felt validated because of your own experience with Christianity, I see you. I honor you. You aren't crazy. You aren't alone. You are my reason. This is our country too. Don't give up. Your story matters. I will try to respond to as many as I can.

For the friend requests, I don't typically add people who I don't have any mutual friends with. If you shoot me a message introducing yourself, I'm more inclined to add you.

For those wanting more of my work, please feel free to hit the Follow button. I am available for writing and speaking engagements, podcasts, coaching and mentoring. I do a lot of various things on the side such as frequency wellness devices (both sessions and sales), Human Design readings, and even payment processing for business owners. Hell, I even officiate weddings and ceremonies. Message me if anything sparks your interest.

Thank you so much to all who shared your heart and shared the post. It gives me a lot of satisfaction to know it hits home and that we aren't alone.

We won't give up or give in.

[atsukashii]

chapter 16 // tell me its over

Apartment 204 - Katsuki Bakugou x reader

<< sixteen  >>

|| tell me its over  || 

Word count: 4K - because i have no chill

In which Bakugou is your hellish asshole of a downstairs neighbour, and also the cute, broody regular at your work you’ve been hitting on for the past few weeks. Things get complicated though when the past makes a reappearance, then shit kinda hits the fan.

You glance down at your phone, the screen far too bright for your eyes in your dark room. Katsuki’s last message to you is staring you right in the face, sending a sharp pain straight into your chest. Black dots dance across your vision as you remember to breathe. 

What is going on?

You know that you’re partially at fault for this, for not telling him even some semblance of the truth about your ex, but you were just trying to not be a damn burden. Why should he have to deal with that? You have had to do things on your own for such a long time, even your friends knew your boundaries - how does one even rely on someone without becoming so co-dependent that it hurts to be away from them? No, you think. Somewhere along the way, you became so used to seeing and being with him, that when you parted it hurt to breathe. Hanging your head in your hands, you press the heels of your hands into your closed eyes trying to stop the pressure from building behind them. How did you get to this point?

What a waste of time…

That line made you so mad. You knew he was hurt and mixing pure anger in with his already not-headed nature, you didn’t deserve to be spoken to like that. And you weren’t going to take it from him that’s for damn sure. Your mixed emotions were swinging between despair and anger like a wrecking ball going through concrete, and you knew if you weren’t careful it would crush everything and crumble the foundations of your very being. But Jesus Christ you just wanted to scream!

“What a fucking asshole!” You suddenly shout, feeling not even a sliver of the building pressure inside your release. You need some mood music, you decide, before you crumple into a useless ball of tears. Maybe you were just unlucky when it came to relationships. You were already aware that your communication skills sucked majorly, but you honestly thought that he was it. That he was that one person that was made just for you, and were you aware that it sounds cringe? Yes, you were. But you didn’t really care, though, if he thinks he can talk to you that way, oh he’s got another thing coming.

Getting up and walking to the stereo in the lounge, you connect your phone and turn the sound dial to deafening.

‘Look inside Look inside your tiny mind Now look a bit harder 'Cause we're so uninspired So sick and tired of all the hatred you harbor’

Turning the music up louder until you can physically feel the bass vibrating the floorboards beneath your feet, you let out a frustrated yell at your whole situation - you would rather be angry than the other option was miserable despair. You’d get to that point eventually, but right now you’re pissed as fuck. 

What the actual fuck had happened? 

One second, everything had been peachy and perfect, and the next he was accusing you of cheating on him? What utter fucking bullshit! Stomping into the kitchen, you open the cupboard beneath the sink and pull out the vodka you had leftover from your last girls’ night with Ochako a few weeks ago, and tear the lid off. 

“What utter bullshit!” You snap at nothing, and raise the rim to your lips, taking one swig. Two. Three. Suddenly, there’s a thumping under your feet that doesn’t come from the beat and you know it’s your asshole neighbor. “Fuck off!” You mumble.

What a fucking waste of time.

You want to hate him. 

You want to be violent, to punch him in the face, to scream and cry. You wanted to do something, so that he could possibly feel even a sliver of the pain you were currently enduring...but you couldn’t bring yourself to do even that. 

‘You know he’s hurting too, that’s why he bit your head off’. You would call that rational voice in your head common sense, but tonight it could get the fuck out.

Because you know that the reason this hurt so bad, the reason you are breaking down is that you loved that brash asshole that scowls too much. The one that calls you a dumbass but did so with eyes full of admiration. The one that buys you coffee even though he knows you could get it for free from your work because he can, the one who will sit in on a fucking boring ass biology lecture at 8 am in his free time because he was bored and just wanted to be with you. The one that puts your education, dreams, and aspirations at the forefront of his mind, and knows you do the same. The one that helps you study for exams. The one that knew you loved PDA and would do stupidly cute things like hold your hand and kiss you in public even though he despises public displays of affection. 

You should have told him about Shindo ages ago. You should have told him how when you’d met the raven-haired boy you were only ten. That you’d been enamoured with him until he finally had made his feelings known when you fifteen. He had been your first everything; first kiss, first love - everything. You had even chosen your current college purely so you could be with him. What a stupid move that was. He made promises that he never kept. Like the flip of a coin, his sweet and kind personality you thought you knew turned into something completely different. You could barely recognize him. Shindo Yo became the psychotic boyfriend that you should steer far clear of. Expecting you to be at his beck and call, you found that being around him no longer took your breath away as it had once before, but instead smothered you.

You should have told Katsuki how you had come home to your shared apartment to find clothing littered across the floor, leading to your bedroom. You knew what was going on before you even recognized what you had heard. You should have told Katsuki about just how much it crushed you, about how you crumpled to the floor after walking right out of your apartment. You should have told him about the slump you were in after. There were days when you wanted to scream and days when you wanted to cry. You should have told your boyfriend that your ex had cheated on you and that he was pestering you non-stop. You should have trusted him, you should have relied on him. But that’s the thing about looking back on something, you see every little mistake you’ve made and how you could have changed it, but you can’t change what’s in the past.

You know that you were partially in the wrong for this, but so was he. Who does he think he is talking to someone like that? You know he’s hot-headed and can be borderline arrogant, but the way he spoke to you? Maybe you didn’t need that in your life…

‘Your point of view is medieval…’ Lilly Allen’s voice sings through your speakers and you frown at the blank tv in front of you. You had every right to be pissed at him right now, and though you know you may never truly hate him, you could be fucking livid. The chorus hit and you stood up on your couch and shouted the lyrics along with the music. 

“Fuck you! Fuck you very, very much. 'Cause we hate what you do and we hate your whole crew, so, please don't stay in touch!” You all but scream, not caring for anything but the anger and pain trying to burst its way out of you. Your phone vibrates in your pocket and faster than you would like to admit it finds its way to your hand. 

Text from Unknown: Y/n...can we please meet up. I just want to talk to you again, I miss us. Hear me out please gorgeous... - Shindo.

You feel something inside you begin to crack as the tiny sliver of hope you had that it was Katsuki leaves you. There is no hesitation as you turn off your phone and toss it on the couch away from you.

“Why are all men douchebags?” You ask yourself, tears threatening to fall as your anger begins to shift to something else. No no no, you’re not going to cry. You are not a fucking crybaby y/n... Earlier, the idea of being alone sounded like what you needed, but now, the music blasting, your apartment felt eerily quiet and your heartbeat echoed inside your head in perfect synchronization with the beat. You just knew you as you had reread your boy- ex’s texts, you couldn’t have your friends right that second because you knew you would break down and burst into a useless puddle of tears and you were better than that. You were stronger than that. A boy wasn’t going to break your heart. Not again. 

“Do you really enjoy living a life that's so hateful? 'Cause there's a hole where your soul should be,” you mumble along with the song, sitting on the edge of the couch just listening along with the words. Your brain wanders to your friends, and then automatically to Kirishima and Kaminari. His friends were so nice to you and were people you had started to think of as your own friends. Ones he was so rude to but fiercely loyal to. Why couldn’t he be this loyal to you…

You feel sobs building at the back of your throat and try to swallow them down. It hurt too much; his accusation was a force of relentless bullets that keep ripping new wounds into you. The thought of ever doing that to someone else, of someone having to go through what you had, it made you sick to your stomach.  Your heart physically throbbed painfully inside your chest. Looking at the vodka, you decide against it and go looking for some water. 

You wouldn’t have heard of it if you hadn’t had to walk past the door of your apartment. The vigorous pounding and a voice shouting that's muffled by the music. Your downstairs neighbor no doubt. Oh, you were so not in the right frame of mind to deal with this. The pounding force rattles your door and for a second you think it may just break off its hinges. 

Jesus Christ is this person fucking insane?! 

Your somewhat ‘war’ with them had been put on hiatus recently as you had spent a lot of time between Ochako’s and the boy’s apartment as its location was much closer to school. Also with everything going on with Katsuki, you had forgotten just how much of a raging asshole the dickbag downstairs was. But now you remember every little crappy thing they had done, the blender going off before five am, his constant complaints when you were up later than eight, oh and that fucking note! The audacity that they had to pull that crap... Fury fills your blood again as you stomp towards your door, finally ready to give them a piece of your mind. You don’t care if they were an old person like you had previously assumed, they were being an insensitive asshole! Can’t they hear you’re in pain? Sniffling, a burst of anger left your mouth as you yank the door open.

“Leave me the fuck alone you miserable-” what met your gaze stopped you in your sentence, cementing your feet to the ground.

No, this can’t be happening right now. The horror in your eyes stared back at a pair of red vermillion ones, as your next breath rushed out in a gasp. His bloodshot eyes previously filled with rage that rivalled yours quickly morph into shock. 

You stare at the boy that broke your heart not even an hour ago. You look at Katsuki Bakugou and his beautiful face, and everything that happened today tears through you like a wave of blades. A pathetically broken noise comes out of your throat and you immediately slammed the door in the blonde's face.

Oh my god…

Your legs collapse beneath, you causing you to fall to the floor. Oh my god, he was your neighbor. This whole time, he had been downstairs. Katsuki had been the one to drive you fucking mad whilst also make you feel so weightless and happy. The shock causes your body to shake as sobs rip through you, no longer able to hold anything in. 

No, no please don’t let him be here. He can’t be here.

And the previously cracking piece inside of you shatters.

                                             ❀ ❀ ❀

You’re not sure how long you stay there for, back against the door, weeping as if a limb has been severed from your body. The only indication of time moving on around you is through the ever-changing music seeping from your speakers. By the time your world somewhat comes back to focus, Kodaline is playing in the background. 

There's a gentle thump on the door, and you, for a moment, ignore it. You don’t want to see anybody. As if hearing you, you feel the next tap right on your spine followed by a soft voice.

“Y/n…” You force yourself to stand up and look through the peephole of your front door, the music playing too loudly for you to determine who is on the other side. You brace yourself for the worst, not really though knowing what that is - but the sight that meets you is a welcomed one. Another broken sob rips out of your chest as you see a pair of heterochromatic eyes that you have known since you were a child. You sling open the door so fast, the slam of it hitting the opposite wall is felt through the floor. Without a second of hesitation and without a single word, you throw yourself on your best friend and let your sobs be muffled by his shirt.

“I’ve got you,” Shouto says, holding your head against his chest. Never before, have you been so glad to see them in your entire life. You’re not surprised at all by their arrival, however, because they knew you, just as you knew them. 

You feel Todo walk you inside and sit on the couch, with you tucked up next to him in silence. The music is turned off and they don’t ask what happened, doesn’t demand anything from you, Todo just holds you as Izuku whizzes around your apartment like a man on a mission.

“He-he…” You try to say, making both boys stop to look at you. Your voice is hoarse from your crying and your throat burns at the attempt, but you need to get it off your chest. Todo’s serious gaze encourages you to find your voice again and between sobs, you manage to get it out. “He was my neighbor. Downstairs.” they look at each other before looking at you, a mix between anger, disbelief, and shock.

“You’re going to come and stay with us for a few days,” Is all Todo says in response, not leaving any room for discussion as you break down crying once again. Relief floods through you, both at having them here, but also for not having to be in the same building as Katsuki. 

With haste, they gather what you need and you quickly hurry down the stairs, the boys glaring at the level below yours as if tossing up the idea of getting into a physical brawl. You know that had they known just who occupied the apartment below yours before arriving at your rescue, they would have made a quick pit-stop at apartment 104. Shouto opens the passenger door for you and quietly,  you slip inside. You wipe your nose on your sweater sleeve and try to muffle your sniffles. Once the car is started and you’re buckled in, from his spot behind you, Izuku wraps his arms around your shoulders, hugging you to the chair.  You lean back into your friend’s embrace as he kisses you on the head. 

“You want some chocolate?” He asks quietly, and Todo actually snorts.

“Contrary to popular belief, chocolate doesn’t fix anything Izuku.” 

“Really? Because I have proof that it does,” he sasses back, resting his head on your chair.

“I’m good for now, thanks Zuzu.” You look between your two friends and try your best to give them a sad smile. “Thank you for coming to get me.”

“Whatever you need, we’re here y/n.” Shouto says, and your lips wobble. God, they were so precious to you. Sensing your inner turmoil, Izuku squeezes you tighter and you chastely peck the arm across your chest in thanks. You don’t know what you would do without them, or where you would even be.

The rest of the trip is relatively quiet, only Zuzu’s humming as songs play on the radio fills the car, and you’re grateful for even that distraction. When you finally make it to their shared apartment, you open the door and there’s Ochako, pacing and looking so damn worried. Meeting her halfway, you let her pull you into her as the silent tears you can’t seem to stop, run down your cheeks. 

“We’re watching movies,” she says, leading you into the lounge where you find three mattresses on the floor. You give them all a watery smile in thanks but turns into a broken attempt at a laugh as your eyes lock onto the three bags of KFC now in Shouto’s hands.

“You feed a small army with all that food.” You smile, wiping your nose. 

“We’re basically the same thing.” Todo points out as you all sit down and get comfortable on the floor. With your friends surrounding you, you give them all another sad smile and try to wipe away the uncontrollable tears as they fall.

“I love you guys so much.” You sniffle. Pulling you into him, Todo wraps an arm around your shoulder, and Ochako hugs your waist. 

“We love you too chickadee, more than you will ever know.” But, you think as you look over them and then at the Disney opening on the tv screen, you do know, and you love them just as much.

He stands outside the door of the apartment above his own -  your door, staring at it with wide eyes. No fucking way were you his neighbor. He wasn’t a moron, or inept, he would have known that. Surely he had walked you home before?...no, you had been staying at Ochako’s a lot because it was closer to your work and classes… Your love for abba, your fucking sass, and annoying tendency to take no shit from even him that he adored. 

God, it was so obvious. How did he not fucking know?

Turning down the stairs, he all but sprints back to his room, clenching his phone so tight in his hand it almost cracks the screen. Fuck he needs to talk to someone or hit something. Some divine intervention that could prevent his phone from certain death emerged through an incoming call. Without hesitation, Katsuki answers, knowing full well who’s on the other side and his mouth moves too fast for him to comprehend. Looks like it’s talking and not hitting something.

“She was my fucking neighbor Kirishima.” he blurts out, his ass falling onto his couch as he speaks. Leaning back and he looks up at the ceiling as if he could still see her broken face when she had answered the door and seen him. He was sure that the shock on his face mirrored hers, but then the pain that it turned into... Good! She should be feeling what I felt. His brain argues against the very words, but he doesn’t care.

Katsuki manages to catch a very confused reply from his friend and rubs the bridge of his nose with his free hand. 

“She’s my upstairs neighbor.” He repeats, the situation finally daunting on him. The girl he had been dating for months was living above him, making his life hellish whilst doing the opposite when she was with him. Fuck my life.

“Fuck man,” Kirishima says distracted, and Katsuki can’t blame him. “I’m assuming you saw her or something then?” The redhead asks carefully. A growl rips out of Katsuki’s throat and he stands up, fisting a hand in his hair. He so wished that he hadn’t seen you. That someone else had opened that door, instead of your broken expression and bloodshot eyes. The way you had looked at him was as if he were something between a ghost and your worst nightmare.

“I wish I fucking hadn’t,” he admits. 

“Bro, she obviously meant something to you so I’m not surprised that you’re hurting-”

“Well, she doesn’t anymore. That shit’s done and thank god for it.” He wants to be fucking livid at you but no matter the shitty things he says about you, all he can see is your pained face and the feeling dissolves into nothing, leaving only despair in its wake. The words actually hurt as he says it, and Kirishima sighs from the other side of the phone - as if he could hear the turmoil in his voice. But the redhead doesn’t mention it. Good, because there would be hell to pay if he had.

“I’m currently staring at a half-full bottle of scotch from work right now, and am feeling kinda pathetic about drinking myself. Want some?” Katsuki knows that his friend doesn’t want to fucking drink. He works as a personal trainer most mornings during the week, including Saturdays, so getting slammed on a Friday night was something he often opted out of. But for this situation, for what his friend was going through, he’d do it. Or at least would watch over Bakugou as he got roaring drunk. 

“That is fucking pathetic shitty hair,” he replies, shaking his head at his friend’s antics. “Bring the fucking bottle or you’re not coming in.” 

“I knew you’d think so. I’ve got spiced ribs too just sitting here, I’m going to bring them too.” Katsuki would have to be an idiot to believe his friend would have one of his favourite foods just hanging around, but he didn’t object to it. “You’re second favorite bro might also make an appearance. But we can decide that depending on how much he pisses me off in the car.” For a moment, Katsuki’s lips tick up, but quickly drop again as he hears the sound of a door closing coming from above him. You’re leaving. 

Without realizing it, his hand has moved up to his chest where he gently rubs the skin above his heart. 

“I don’t care, Kirishima. Just hurry the fuck up and get over here.” He can hear Denki in the background and chooses to ignore them both before with a final curse at his friends, he hangs up the phone. His feet drag him to the window of his apartment that looks over the car parking of your apartment complex, and it’s like the world has a vendetta against Katsuki Bakugou this past week. Because there you are, getting into a car as your friend with the half and half hair closes the door behind you. From this angle, he can see you clearly through the passenger side window, and he can see the tears running down your cheeks. He has an urge to run to you, one that he blatantly ignores because you don’t deserve it. 

He’s better off without you.

Your green-haired, freckly friend wraps his arms around your shoulders - and then the car is gone. Katsuki turns his back on the window and walks towards the kitchen.

He’s better off without you. The whole thing was a fucking mistake. He doesn’t need anyone. His aspirations will take up everything he is, and he would much rather focus on that than you. 

Anything otherwise isn’t even worth a fucking thought.

a/n: whew, that was a doozy. Sorry if its a bit wordy, I just had to get it all out. This will be the only written chapter of this series, so everything from here on out is back to the social media format. We’re so close to the end now its so scary. This smau is my baby and I love it lots so its really sad. 

Tag list below. Wanna be tagged? shoot me an ask!

@alexismiszczak​

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@ambitchousaf

@a-timeheist​

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@ew-i-hate-that-goaway921​

@fangirls-are-scary

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if your name has a strike it wouldn’t tag :(

[whumpasaurus101]

Not Just a Pretty Face

Here's the second part to this ask!!!

master list / previous

also ty @happy-whumper and @milk-carton-whump for helping me to form words XD

CW: Brief talking of conditioned pets / cursing / mention of alcohol / mirror broken with head (mhmm, thats the only way i can think of phrasing that...) / if i missed anything just tell!!!!

Alicia fixed Jack's shirt collar, tucking the fold back down. As she took a second look she stepped closer, smoothing down the creases in his shirt and tie. She ruffled his hair with a smile, “Perfect.” Jack blushed at the compliment and dipped his head. Alicia’s hand ghosted over his cheek and gently pushed his chin up, “Hey, chin up, shoulders back. I need you to try and look tough for me baby, or else tonight wont go well, got it?” Jack licked his lips and gulped, “Y-yes ma’am.” Alicia tutted at the stutter and yanked on the leather collar, causing Jack to choke slightly.

She slowly put on her suit jacket and slipped on her high heel boots. She reapplied her dark red lipstick and smiled, “Let’s go.”

A taxi was in Alicia’s driveway, patiently waiting for them to get in. The man who drove it scared Jack. He was lean and muscular and had a tattoo of a teardrop on his left cheek. He gulped but Alicia shoved him into the back seat and slammed the door behind him.

Her high heels clicked as she walked up to the front door and got in. “Romeo, glad to see you, long time no see, eh?” Romeo chuckled, “Wish I could say the same. I mean really, a handler’s club?” Alicia smirked, looking out the window as the car drove away from the house, “I haven't been out in ages, Rodger’s been away for a while and I had to mind Jack and his little boyfriend.”

Romeo’s head tilted and he looked at Jack from the rear-view mirror, “Boyfriend?” Jack sunk in his seat and rested his head against the window, hiding his blush. “Jack, don't you want to talk about your little boy toy?” Alicia sneered. Jack shook his head, clenching his jaw.

Alicia chortled, “Fine, I will. You know Rodger’s mutt?” Romeo looked at Alicia, “Shit, I’ve missed a bit, haven't I? Rodger got a new pet? But it mustn't have been too long since his last-”

“No, it hasn't. He can't deal with loss, you know that.”

There was silence. Jack fiddled with his fingers as he focused on the vibrations the road sent to the car. He felt the window buzz against his temple and he slowly closed his eyes.

“Well your pet seems to be good, he’s still as quiet as ever.” Alicia chuckled, “Oh trust me, he’s loud when he wants to be! But I am grateful, you should see Rodger’s little mongrel, has a bad fucking attitude and a bold mouth.” Romeo chuckled, shaking his head, “I must say, I’m intrigued by him, maybe I should pay him a visit.”

Alicia cackled, fixing her hoop earrings, “Oh, now I would pay to see that, you’d have him broken in a week!” Romeo chuckled and smiled to himself, keeping his eyes glued on the road. Jack opened his eyes and looked out of the window, watching trees and bushes whizz by.

It was dark, the sky was a light grey, Jack flinched slightly as a droplet of rain hit the window. It slowly rolled down as Jack’s eyes followed it. Next came several others each making a *tink* sound as they each fell.

Romeo sighed and turned on the wipers. Alicia reapplied her eyeshadow and mascara in the windscreen mirror. She checked her watch and sighed, “Could you be driving any slower, for god’s sake.”

Romeo looked at her with one eyebrow raised, “Alright, I know you're stressed about going out since it's been a while, but lose the bitchiness, okay?” Jack gulped, how could he say such a thing to her, she must be livid!

To Jack’s surprise, Alicia laughed, “Alright, alright, sorry, is it that obvious?” Jack’s eyebrows furrowed, if it had been anyone else who had said that, they would've been dead in seconds.

“It's alright, I remember I used to get spooked before every club. Just walk in confidently, and make sure Jack does too. Sit at your own table, let people join you. Normally there’s live music so just focus on that until people come over.” Alicia nodded, taking a mental note. She then cleared her throat, hating how vulnerable she seemed in front of her pet.

“So, how are your pets doing?” Romeo chuckled, “Oh boy, they’re alright. We’re on about ten. Aiden’s trying to sell me another one but-” He blew the air out of his mouth, “-I don't think I can manage another one. Besides, they all have their own positions, the cooks, the cleaners, you know.”

Alicia nodded, “No, I get it. Aiden is just trying to get everyone to try and copy him with his ‘pet hotel’ shit.” “Hey, you can't say anything, you haven't tried it out, it’s actually quite useful.” “Oh, I don't need that, Jack does everything for me, isn't that right Jack?”

Jack felt his cheeks flush slightly, “Y-yes ma’am.”

“Jesus, it takes nothing for that boy to turn as red as a tomato,” Romeo commented. Alicia laughed and looked back at Jack, taking in how red his face had gotten, “He has always been like that, its quite entertaining.”

Romeo looked left then right before pulling out to a new road and he chuckled, “You know what would be funny?” Alicia looked up at him, a devilish smile painted on her lips. “A drinking game. Each time his face blushes even the slightest shade, we take a shot.”

Alicia let out a childish, giddy laugh, “Oh Romeo, I forgot how fun you are, that sounds perfect! Say, how far away do you live from this club?”

Romeo smiled, seeing where Alicia was going with this, “It's about a fifteen minute drive.” Alicia hummed, nodding her head, “What would you say to having two guests over tonight?”

Romeo beamed, “That would be great! Give me a call when you want to be collected, got it?” Alicia nodded, “Thank you again, and we’ll see after.” She gave him a quick peck on the cheek and left the car. Jack hadn't moved, he didn't dare to.

The rain had stopped by now, it had only been drizzling by then. Alicia opened the car door he had been leaning on and quickly caught him before he fell. “Jesus Christ, get your head out from the clouds baby, cmon!”

Jack scrambled to his feet and smoothed his clothes before Alicia gave out to him, “I’m sorry.”

“Hey, shh, its okay, now, lets go.”

She linked arms with him and dragged him to the door of the quartz building. There was two body guards whos frowns both turned to smiles when they saw her, “Alicia! Its been a while, welcome!” One of them beamed. “Why thank you Joe, its great to be back.”

The second one gave a bigger smile and opened the door to the club, “Have a good night ma’am.” It didn't bother Jack that they were speaking to only Alicia and not him. But, if maybe one of them looked at him it would've been nice.

“Jack, sweetie, whats the matter?” Jack looked to alicia who lightly squeezed his arm tighter. Jack gulped, “N-nothing, I’m sorry ma’am.” Alicia frowned, “Alright, but don't forget, you should be grateful for tonight that I have brought you out!”

Jack winced at the sharp tone, “Yes, of course ma’am, I’m sorry. Th-thank you for bringing me out today.” Alicia smiled, “Good boy, now, I need you to be on your best behaviour tonight, there will be a lot of eyes on us.” “Yes ma’am.”

She opened the second door of the corridor and jazz music, clinking of glasses, laughter and chatter filled the room. Scared, pleading eyes shot up to meet with Jack. He quickly cast his eyes downward to the floor and let Alicia guide him to a free table.

Romeo was right. Alicia and Jack had only been sitting at an empty table only for several other handlers to join them only minutes later. Jack knelt obediently by Alicia’s side. Alicia combed her long nails through his curls and softly rubbed behind his ear. Jack closed his eyes in content, taking in the soft warm touch.

The other handlers were talking about their own pets and what they do. Alicia smiled and nodded, occasionally looking down at Jack, making her smile even more at how happy he looked.

Jack half listened to the conversations, there was one called Sandra, another called Ethan and the last one named Lorcan. Lorcan also looked at Jack. By then Jack had his eyes opened, they were still glued to the floor. His head tilted towards Alicia as she used more of her nail.

Once Jack glanced up at Lorcan, the man chuckled, shaking his head. Jack clenched his jaw, what had he done wrong?

“Well, you seem to have a broken pet,” He sneered, Alicia chuckled, “He was a runaway. His previous owner was well-known to be the ‘strict’ kind.” Jack shuddered as his memories of Abraham came back to him, he could never go back there. Never.

“Well, is he useful at all?” Lorcan asked, raising an eyebrow. “Oh yes, he’s not just a pretty face. He’s great company, he can read, write, clean, cook, talk, be quiet, everything!” Jack felt his ears turn hot.

“Hmm, so he’s good around the house?”

“Mhmm.”

Lorcan nodded slowly. He reached for the drink and just as he brought it to his lips, he dropped it to the ground right in front of Jack who immediately flinched back, pressing himself against Alicia with a whimper.

“If he’s so good, make him clean this mess up.” Jack looked at Alicia who thought for a moment before looking at Jack, you heard him, clean it up.” Jack gulped and whined once he felt Alicia’s touch leave.

“M-ma’am, I don't- I don't have anything to clean it up with!” Lorcan smiled, “Do you mind if I take him for a moment, I know where we can get something to clean it up with.” Alicia’s eyebrows furrowed, “Alright, just dont take long.”

Lorcan faked a smile and roughly grabbed Jack by the hair and dragged him over to the bathrooms. Jack yelped and tried to pry the hands out of his hair but it was impossible, “Please, l-let go of me!!” Lorcan snickered, “So the bitch speaks!” Jack -ignoring the insult- let out a yell as his grip tightened.

He was thrown to the ground once they had entered the bathrooms. Jack felt a droplet of blood slowly drip down his forehead, slowly making its way down to his brow. “Get up.” Jack groaned and shook his head. Lorcan muttered something under his breath and yanked Jack up by the arm and smashed him up against the mirror, making Jack bang his head against the mirror.

He let out a cry and felt the glass shatter beneath his skull. He let out a scratch of pain which was soon muffled by Lorcan’s sweaty palm. “Shut the fuck up!” Jack continued to scream, desperate for help. Who was he kidding, he was in a handler’s club, no one was going to save him.

Lorcan brought him forward only to slam his head back against the cracked mirror once more. Jack felt his vision start to slip, his head felt numb and heavy. The pain was excruciating but it was the only thing he could focus on at the moment.

Alicia heard the screams. At first, she thought it was just some other pet but as a second wave of muffled screams came, she recognized them. Jack! She leaped from her seat and ran to the bathroom door. She kicked it open and punched Lorcan straight in the face. Lorcan stumbled back, clutching his face. “Don't touch him! I thought you were going to get something to dry up the mess!”

She softly put her arm around Jack’s shoulders and guided him behind her. “Oh come on,” Lorcan scoffed, “Why do you think we came in here?” Jack watched the vein in Alicia’s neck pop, she was livid. It made Jack feel good though, she cared about him!

“I swear to god, if you touch my boy ever again without my permission I will fucking kill you!” Lorcan just chuckled, shaking his head, “I think you better go.” Alicia clenched her jaw, “Oh, I’ll go when I want to go.” She took out her phone and held it to her ear.

Lorcan rolled his eyes and folded his arms, “And who are you ringing?”

“Romeo, Romeo Zalis.”

Lorcan immediately paled, “Y-you're bluffing.” Alicia raised her eyebrow as a challenge. The ringing stopped, “Alicia, are you okay?” Lorcan recognized the thick Brooklyn accent and gulped, “I uh, need to go.” Alicia smirked and her eyes followed him as he left.

“Yes, although not great people here, think you can collect us early?” Romeo chuckled, “Of course, I’m in a cafe nearby, I shouldn't be too long.”

“Perfect, thank you. Also, I could really do with that drinking game right now.”

Taglist: @likeit-or-whumpit @milk-carton-whump @yesthisiswhump @as-a-matter-of-whump @appy-polly-loggies @happy-whumper @just-a-whumping-racoon-with-wifi @myst-in-the-mirror

if you wanna be added or removed just say!! <3

[djemsostylist]

Djem's Legion Thoughts

About three years ago my brother joking suggested I read the Horus Heresy, knowing literally nothing about Warhammer. (Literally nothing. I just thought Space Marines were big dudes in armor and I had never heard of Primarchs and I still know nothing of 40k. Have no idea how the Heresy ends--I'm spoiler free babes.) Anyway, what follows are my feelings on each Legion at the following times:

As of midway through Fulgrim

At the end of First Heretic

At the start of the Master of Mankind

Halfway through the Siege

This is very long. I'm not sorry.

Dark Angels

idk I haven’t met them yet, but their name tells me they are either going to be amazing or fucking awful

Um I still dk

God I fucking love these stupid idiots. Like, they are stupid, for sure, but I dunno, I dig their bizarre sort of pseudosecrecy thing. Plus, aesthetically I’m all about weird monk orders. Also, nothing kills me quite like Farith Redloss having anxiety attacks over trying to figure out Lion.

Corswain showing up like the living embodiment of the dude with the pizza where the apartment is on fire is just so deeply on brand for these chucklefucks like, Lion is all “I’m deeply uncomfortable where Imperial Secundus is concerned so instead I’ll just go ahead and attack home planets because that will demoralize the traitors and then I’m Doing My Part” like fam, pretty much all the traitors sans Perturabo are actual literal demons rn and they all had zero qualms betraying their immediate brothers and also the emperor (and Perturabo already fucked over his own) why in the livid fuck would you think this is in any way helpful, but this is Classic Lion and I love him now on account of that one time when he hugged Roboute because he was proud of him and also because he calls all of his sons “Little Brother” bc he is afraid of being a dad and also because I too am deeply avoidant of issues I don’t want to deal with.

Emperor's Children

mostly wonderful, because they are fabulous and also extremely extra, but they have the most ginourmous fuckwad as a Lord Commander, BUT they have a very good boy as another one, so idk really. Plus the whole betrayal thing and the fucking lodges, but they are purple and fabulous, so, +1?

These are the saddest boys ever in the whole world, and they didn’t deserve what happened to them. I loved them all except for Eidolon and they didn’t deserve anything bad to happen to them ever bc they were precious and I loved them. Also Fabius because he was bugnuts and he hurt my boys.

Jesus, I’m so fucking over them all

Honestly I’m so tired

Iron Warriors

I totally confused them with the Iron Hands. Idk even, boring? But Perturabo (while he has a fucking terrible name) also hates Horus so +15

I still know nothing about them, but I think they are buttholes because of the whole Isstvan V thing. Dick move guys, dick move.

I literally can’t. Like, their entire shtick is besieging and being besieged, and then being pissy bc it is what they are good at???? Like, they are literally traitoring bc their dad got a hair up his ass bc he wasn’t a good independent thinker and didn’t think he was allowed to build castles or whatever? Idk they are exhausting except for the ones that aren’t

I still don’t really get them at all except like 99% of them who aren’t named Barabas Dantioch are asshats and are not independent thinkers who are literally still traitoring for reasons unknown except to stick it to the emperor like?? Get an actual culture??? Just literally stop???

White Scars

I dunno, haven’t met them, but since no one else talks about them, I’m gonna guess, boring?

I dunno but they are worried about them hooking up with the Rout so I guess they are cool?

Oh bless your tiny little souls. They are so sweet, and so, so dumb. But sweet.

They are very, very good boys. They don’t have a ton of range per say but their simplicity is sort of the point I think. They are what space marines are supposed to be, and I love them for that

Space Wolves

ehm, oh, I’m sorry, The Rout. Whateverthefuck, they’re boring, over-the-top fuckheads who are giant fucking hypocrites who suck and probably don’t ever shower. Honestly, they rival the Emperor’s Children in extraness, and not in the loveable way. Fucking awful, 0/10.

Okay, honestly, not as awful as some. I mean, hella extra and I hate what they did at Prospero, but in a world full of awful things, we gotta pick and choose.

They are just so, so...Space Wolfy. Bless them they try, and some of them legit crack me up. I’m just not about their aesthetic, you know?

Much like the other fuckups amongst the Loyalists, they are a blunt instrument used for a specific purpose and do better with like...direct instruction. I’m saying they are not the kind to do well with metaphor and also a lack of like, a dad. They need TE:BBA is what I’m saying.

Imperial Fists

Literally only met them briefly, but they seem a good sort. I like their Primarch? -3 tho cause damn that color scheme.

Still good boys.

Omg I love you all, you precious little bbs. They are just so calm and stoic and honestly even though yellow is a hideous color they are literally like Templars and that is fantastic?????

Listen, the amount of love that I have in my heart for these precious, perfect boys is rivaled only by my love for Rogal Dorn, who might possibly be, and I don’t wanna sound dramatic here, be the love of my life but anyway.

Night Lords

idk but their name sounds sick.

Right, these guys are also dicks. I hate them on principle.

Every time I think of them all I can think of is that one video of the goths dancing under the bridge. They are so. Fucking. Extra. Christ alive, get a hobby that isn’t fucking skinning people.

Yeah idk they still mostly suck and to be perfectly honest I’m still not entirely sure what their point was, even pre-heresy? Like what role did psychopaths play in TE:BBA’s plan for a glorious human empire, someone explain

Blood Angels

I dunno cause I’ve only ever met their First Captain (who was consorting with fuckheads) but Sanguinius is literally Top Tier Fabulous, like Prince Extra, so I hope they don’t let me down

I’m still holding out hope. Don’t let me down boys.

OH. MY. GOD. Honestly, kill me, I love them so, so, so, so, so much, it’s a lot. And I suspect something terrible will happen with them but I don’t care because they are perfect. All of them. Wonderful, perfect, lovely, caring boys who love their dad and I love them. Sweet, loving, precious little bbs who occasionally suffer from tragic vampiric tendencies but I don’t love them any less. They better stay perfect forever. If I could, I would be like Sangy and just take them all everywhere with me so that they could always be safe <3 On a less gushy note, I think one of the most important aspects of the Blood Angels (and of their primarch) is that while they acknowledge their differences from unmodified humans, they also love humanity, deeply. They see them as worth fighting for and protecting, and acknowledge that their abilities allow them to create a universe that is safe for the common man to live in. There is a sort of profound love and tenderness that they have for humanity, and I think it really does make a difference in their legion. (That scene is Master of Mankind with the Blood Angel and the Custodian really highlights what I’m saying here.)

Listen, this may sound dramatic, and I don’t wanna like, go over the top, but I would literally die for them, which would seem counterproductive since that is what they do for humanity but the amount of love of I have for this entire legion and one Angel is too big to contain in my heart okay

Iron Hands

I don’t know them well yet, but they seem like good boys overall. I’m sure one of them is bound to be a crazy fucker tho.

They are good boys. I don’t know them very well, but my favorite moment is when Ferrus had to thank Lorgar for his help so he made him a crozius and then threw it at him because he didn’t want to have to talk awkwardly.

Poor sad bbs

No, but really, poor sad bbs

World Eaters

literally terrible people, but I guess when your Dad is bugnuts….

Definitely should have been put down. As in to death. They should have been killed. Probably.

Still fucking crazy. But I love Kharn, and honestly Lotara (who I know isn’t technically a World Eater but close enough.)

No but they probably should have all been just euthanized? I mean not Kharn bc I love him but also like--they are not viable. Long term? Tbh still not entirely sure what TE:BBA’s plan was here with them and Angron (I’m gonna assume something along the lines of ignore it and hope it goes away, since that is mostly his plan for everything)

Ultramarines

probably enormous squares, but tbh in a galaxy with World Eaters and the Rout, we could do with some squares.

Honestly, I have no issues with them. They do their duty, they are loyal. I hope to love them though. They actually believe in colors.

HOLY FUCK DO I LOVE THEM. ALL 200,000 OF THEM. (Which is probably what Roboute thinks tbh.) Like, I literally haven’t met a single one that I don’t adore and love with my whole soul and entire being. They are precious, soft, beautiful bbs who I adore with my whole heart. And who will make great leaders of the world someday I’m so proud. On a less gushy note, much like the Blood Angels, the Ultramarines really have a sort of profound feeling of protection and duty towards humans. They may not always like dealing with them, but Roboute is of the firm belief that they must understand what they are truly fighting for. Saving humanity is not enough, you have to fight for the humans who live there. (See, the one short story where they find a baby and I died.)

No but what you don’t quite get is that I literally love them. Every single individual solitary one of them, and while some may say “But Djem such a thing is impossible you haven’t met every Ultramarine” I need you to understand that the depth of my love for them and their Primarch is such that I know, in my bones, that I don’t need to meet them all to love them okay bc I already do.

Death Guard

Okay, so honestly I wanted to hate them (because BETRAYAL) but tbh its only the First and Second Captains who suck a lot and idk really the rest are sort of tragically precious??

Seriously, what is Mortarion’s issue?

No, seriously, what the fuck is their problem? Get the fuck over it.

Okay, I do feel bad. For Mortarian. Of all the traitors, him I understand the most. However, that being said, while I can understand his issues, I feel like giving yourself over to demons, turning into actual demons, and also turning on and killing your brothers who refused to become said demons makes you terrible awful people who really need to like, die.

Thousand Sons

okay, I fucking love these lame Warrior Monk Priest Wizards who live in a literal glass city with restaurants and teach random people Tai Chi in the park or whatever. Overall 10/10

I am v. worried that they are going to do something dumb like join the rebellion in order to affect change from the inside and then like, adopt demons or something. Pls don’t be dumb boys.

I don’t even fucking--look, I’m just tired okay?

What the fuck Azhek. No seriously, ⅞ is good enough? What the fuck is wrong with you?

Sons of Horus? Luna Wolves? who the fuck knows

my precious sons. You did not deserve what was done to you. This is why we don’t do frats. I believed in you and you failed me. D:

I love my precious sons. The Sons of Horus however, can go die.

I just--why are you the way you are?

I think the best thing about these absolute morons is that half the legion isn’t even demon fuckers, they just woke up one day and Horus told them to kill their brothers and they went “sure okay” and then just did. They are so fucking pretentious and stupid, fucking speartip, honestly die. I take it back. You all deserved exactly what you got, you dumb fucks.

Word Bearers

look, I haven’t met the rest of these dudes yet, but Erebus is a terrible fucking ambassador. -60/10 for not controlling their boy

HOLY LORD. I cannot--there are not actually words to describe how much I loathe these ignorant dumbasses. Like, seriously. Honestly, the ones who were purged were probably lucky, because the rest of them fucking suck.

God, eat a fucking landmine. Except, that would probably turn them on or something. Fucking assholes.

Just--imagine being such a fuckup that even when you were the first to the “become a demon, save the world” thing you still somehow ended up last. I hope the Ultramarines put down every. Single. One.

Salamanders

idk but this name is dumb. Salamanders are cute and slimy, and while Astartes are fucking adorable, they are not slimy. -1 for the dumb name

They are loyal, which is cool, and they seem like chill bros.

I just, like, they are sweet, but good lord are they simple.

I’m not sure? What they are doing? With their lives? Guys, idk if anyone told you but like, um. There is a war. And I get they’ve had it rough but also the loyalists could use their hope so maybe, idk. Do something? I mean I know there are like, 50 of you left and also you think your dad is dad and I feel you but like-

Raven Guard

idk but I like Ravens and Black, plus their Primarch’s name is Corvus? 11/10 they better not suck.

OMG I love Corvus?? Flies with a giant jetpack and tried to gut Lorgar? Yeah, he’s wonderful. Plus, their Captain seemed cool before he was fucking murdered.

I love them all, bless. They are sweet and simple and kind of stupid, but they make me feel things in my heart, so like, idk, stay precious.

Look, I cried over Branne fucking Nev, I don’t wanna talk about it rn

Alpha Legion

seriously? Lame.

Fuck these guys. What is their deal?

I can’t even really. I really, truly can’t. Nothing has ever satisfied me the way I was satisfied when Alpharius literally lost his head. God, that was beautiful.

Or Omegon? It was actually Omegon? I don’t even know anymore man

[namixart]

So. Sorry for vagueposting but rant under read more because I'm livid.

So. You may have seen my awesome new tattoo. It's great, I love it and it makes me super happy. If you haven't seen it, it's a tattoo of Cloud's Buster Sword covered in Aerith's flowers. The reasoning behind it, as I mentioned in my original post, is that 2020 wasn't really a fun year for anyone. Me? I got through it relatively unscathed, and a lot of it I credit to FFVIIR coming out and working on Wildflowers. I genuinely love it and I'm always excited to share more and more with you guys! I also spent most of the year gushing about the game and the characters to anyone who'd listen, and I don't feel like it's a stretch to say that if not for FFVIIR and Wildflowers I'd be in a much worse place right now, mental health wise. More specifically than just FFVII, it's been thanks to Cloud and Aerith. They're my favourite characters in the game (together AND separately) and honestly probably my favourite characters ever. Period. They're both absolutely comfort characters for me and I break out in a huge smile whenever they're so much as brought up. So, I decided to get a tattoo representing them. Because I wouldn't be doing as well as I am now if not for them. Again, both together and separately. As I mentioned in the caption of the photo I posted of my tattoo.

Now, tonight I got a notification: "[username] reblogged your post!" So, obviously, I went to check it out! Everyone has been absolutely lovely on that post--a lot of compliments and excitement RE: the tattoo--and I wanted to see if there was more of that. There was not. No, what I found in the reblog was [username] very smugly asking me what I would tell people "when C/T end up together again in remake" and I look like an idiot for getting a C/A tattoo. Would I tell them the remake retconned canon? Or would I lie and say it's a Z/A tattoo?

So, they obviously got blocked faster than the speed of light and they deserve none of my or anyone else's attention, but I just kinda need to rant, because hey, none of this is okay! First of all, there was nothing in that post or the tags talking about C/T or just T (don't want this showing up in their tags, I'm not an animal). The tattoo has nothing to do with C/T (or Z/A for that matter), and I did not feel the need to be snippy or talk about the LTD at all. For that matter, even if I did tag it as C/A, it's not really even just a shipping tattoo. First and foremost, it's about Cloud and Aerith in their capacity as my favourite FFVII characters, my comfort characters and the fact that they helped me get through 2020 and the first half of 2021. Do I ship C/A? Yes, obviously. But I'm not yet so deranged that that would be enough to get a tattoo. No, this was about the game and the characters. At any rate, the fact that I didn't tag it as C/T and that they still found the post means that they went snooping through the C/A tag to find it, presumably to get mad and be mean at strangers on the internet just trying to exist in peace. Which is bad enough. [username], if you're out there (and you're not, because blocked), please do all of us a favour and get a life.

Secondly, and most importantly, [username] missed something that's very obvious to somebody with basic reading comprehension skills (I know this is Tumblr but come on). The mental health thing. Now, I don't know where I would be if FFVIIR and Wildflowers hadn't happened at the time that they did, but I'd be in much worse shape. This story and these characters were consistently a huge comfort and escape for me for over a year and a half, and that's the reason I got a tattoo. So, [username] looked at a post of me being happy about my tattoo because it brings me joy and represents characters who bring me joy and got me through a goddamn global pandemic and went "That's nice," and proceeded to spit out whatever verbal garbage came to mind. This is the part that infuriates me. I'm not hurt, I'm not heartbroken, I don't care. But this sort of behaviour is disgusting. I'd be equally livid if I saw it happen to somebody else. Guess what you don't get to do? Shit on people's happiness and intrude like this. For all they know, I could've been in a much worse state than I was--did they ever think about that? That's the part that gets me. Like, who are you to come onto my post, take it way too seriously and be mean about something that represents my coping mechanism? Disgusting. I hope they know that every single character they mentioned, especially their beloved T, would be disgusted with them.

And even if none of this was the case, even if I did go off the deep end and get a tattoo because ooohh cute ship, even if I didn't have any mental health issues associated with it--even if all of that. They still thought it was appropriate to take a post of someone just trying to share a tattoo that they loved and be rude and mean-spirited and smug on it. While specifically looking through the C/A tags too, let's not forget that sad cherry on this pathetic sundae. What kind of person do you have to be, to act like this and think you're in the right? This is the most sincere "Get a life" I've ever said, Jesus Christ. Guess what? Shipping isn't that big of a deal! I know, radical. You know what is a big deal? Assholes like this trying to make everyone else's lives worse for... reasons? Kicks? I genuinely can't fathom the thought process you'd have to go through to end up at "I'll be mean to this person I've never met who's just having fun and being happy. Serves them right." I just... I'm upset. Not for myself (I truly do not care about one internet troll), but just in general that this kind of people exist. Vile. Get a life, and I'll go show my tattoo to people whose opinion I actually care about.

And, for the record, if FFVIIR does end with canon C/T (which, honestly, I really don't think it will resolve the LTD at all), I'd just still tell people that the tattoo was never meant to be, like, some deranged "I SUPPORT THIS SHIP AND I WANT IT CANON OR I'LL LIGHT MYSELF ON FIRE" thing. It is, and always was, meant to represent two of my favourite characters who helped me through a really rough spot. Simple as that.

Also they got an ask from someone congratulating them on "putting toxic C/As in their places" I'm gonna fucking piss myself. Go eat a bag of dicks, fuckhead, and leave me alone.

[littlebabycrybtch]

anyways, autistic adult here going out to all the autism parents out there;;; stop fucking bragging about abusing your autistic kids. i lived through my autistic childhood, you havent, you need to hear me out. stop posting your horrible ‘inspirational stories’ about how happy you are that you ‘pushed through’ and did something awful and distressing to your child in an effort to make them normal. it is so harmful and so disgusting for autistic people to have to hear about. those stories make me wanna gag. they give me physical discomfort, the way these people are so... Proud of themselves, for thinking they are ‘eradicating’ these evil autism symptoms, like the symptoms arent just an inherent fucking PART of their child they destroyed out of blind ignorant ‘care’. fucking listen to yourself. you did not help them. i dont care that they learned some new (usually unnecessary and performative) neurotypical skill you had been pushing on them for years. i dont care how fuzzy inside that makes you feel. i dont care about whatever you come up with that proves their ‘progress’. no. you were projecting your frustrations. you were pressuring them into smth they didnt need. you didnt Fucking help them. you made them Conform. you Hurt them to make them act like everyone else, bc you let yourself become that convinced that their autism is whats damaging them, and not the outside world that tries to dismantle what they are on the daily, for no fucking REASON besides irrationally projecting your own standards and ideals onto them. the ‘cure’ for autism is not ‘acting normal’, for gods sake. you Punished them for being autistic instead of accepting it and accommodating them. frankly, no matter your real intention, its selfish.

like. im sorry but im livid, i am TIRED of seeing this kind of shit encouraged everywhere. forcing your kid into meltdowns unless it is a 110% safety concern, is abuse and disability discrimination, especially when you are trying to force them to be ‘normal’ by punishing them in these awful prejudiced ways until they meet YOUR idealized standards of functioning and ‘quality of life’, which is self centered for gods sake! like! nah man actually im totally fine with some of my symptoms if you people would just leave me the fuck alone about it??? i like stimming, i like special interests, my ‘sensory issues’ can become blissful when i find the right sensory experience, my struggle to communicate has given me so many beautiful Alternatives and connected me with so many people. im fucking fine, i dont always need to bend to you, you can bend to me sometimes, okay? like. smh, neurotypicals/abled people, society revolves around you, sure, but that doesnt mean someone being Different from you makes them the wrong or unhealthy one... they can be Perfectly happy even though they dont live the way you do, and to think otherwise is again, just really self centered. why are you the default? why is YOUR HAPPINESS with YOUR LIFE the default standard??? someone being different from you doesnt always mean their existence automatically Pains them, or that its Lesser or Worse. accommodation and understanding does a hell of a lot better for somebody than trying to just force them to act how you do under the ignorant assumption that it Must be inherently better for them and their existence. “but- things would be easier for them if they were normal right! thats just how the world is!” cool. but they arent. listen to me. They Arent. just fucking accept that, and focus on fixing the obviously bigger issue, the whole ‘WORLD’ part that rejects everything abnormal, jesus christ. like honestly, thats the worst part about being ‘abnormal’, how the outside world fucking treats you. its how they wont fucking let you exist and wont get off their ass to try and understand or support you, without conditions that include ‘copy me as best as you can so its easier for me’. the worst part is that the people who ‘support’ you view that support as wittling you into something less difficult for them to ‘help’ at the expense of your fucking basic comforts or happiness, and they still think theyre doing you a noble favor by making you like themselves. ffs. guys. stop abusing your kids. stop.

“well guys, my autistic kid wouldnt stop pissing themselves so i just stopped buying diapers and made them sit on the toilet for 6 hours, and guess what, they use the toilet the Right way now! :)” “my kid wouldnt hug me or say i love you, so i held them down on the bed till they stopped fighting my affection! now we hug all the time!” “i took away my childs favorite item until they were able to verbally ask for it back. now they know how to say “please”. they must be SO much happier!” i need for you to listen to me right now. you are not fixing them. you are not HELPING THEM. you are breaking them into your neurotypical life like a pair of fucking tennis shoes. its for you. you are conditioning them, with trauma. the fact that you dont see that is a Disturbing display of how little you actually are trying to understand about your child’s life, or frankly anybody elses experiences besides yours. Leave them the fuck alone. you really wanna help your autistic kid fit into the world? dont punish them for stimming, tell ppl in public to stop fucking staring, bc it is their fucking problem. dont force your type of affection or communication, pay some fuckin attention and you’ll start noticing the ways in which THEY communicate with you, which is just as fine. and for the love of god my dude! buy diapers! they exist for a reason! just buy your fucking child their fucking diapers. ill kick your ass oh my God, 

[taramaclaywasaterf]

Opinion on the nikkie tutorials situation 👀

Oof ok so I didn’t know who this dude was before everything went down, and I didn’t care enough to look heavily into it at first. I didn’t really realize just how massive of an audience he had, or how many people would be talking about it. But then I got this ask and curiosity got the better of me lol

First off, I didn’t watch his “coming out” video or whatever, because I really don’t feel like listening to some dude mansplain womanhood to me for however long. I have read a bunch about it ever since this anon peaked my interest though.

It’s also really important to reiterate that I didn’t know who he was before all of this, so it’s physically impossible for me to look at him and objectively say whether he passed before or not (not that it matters, a dude is still a dude, regardless of what he looks like.) I’ve only known him these past, like, 48-ish hours as a man, so of course that’s all I can see/hear, and it genuinely wouldn’t be fair to sit here and say I could clock him had I not known. He’s clearly got A LOT of surgery and transitioned younger than most TIMs, so he’s got all that in his favor, plus he seems to have a naturally softer face for a male. His weight also definitely helps smooth out and somewhat camouflage some of the harsher male features.

That said...yeah. Knowing he’s a man right off the bat, it’s all I see. Like, that’s a whole ass Augustus Gloop lookin dude.

I will also say that I think it’s absolutely disgusting that he was blackmailed into coming out. Like...I don’t care who you are, where you stand politically, radfem, libfem, whatever...that shit is never ok. It’s genuinely upsetting and very scary, and my heart does go out to him. If he was a straight TIM in drag, I’d feel much differently, but seeing as he’s a gay man whose just been outed to the world...all I can do is hope he has a good support system around him. But that’s where my sympathy for him begins and ends.

All that said, I know what you’re really here for, so I’m not gonna keep yall waiting any longer....holy FUCKING shit am I sick of these dudes thinking that playing with goddamn Barbie dolls as a kid makes them women. I played in the fucking mud and ate bugs as a kid. That doesn’t make me a dude anymore than liking dresses and makeup makes him a woman. These men are so blatantly, unabashedly misogynistic that it makes me sick. Not to mention, transing children because they’re GNC is flat out conversion therapy. Its castrating young children because they show signs of being gay because they’re GNC, all before they even know what homosexuality is. It’s pure fucking evil.

And the fact that he’s been lying to his boyfriend this whole time? Jesus fucking christ. I just...I’m livid. The lesbian and gay community has been fighting for decades to prove we aren’t these evil sexual deviants who prey on poor wittle innocent straights and get off on “infecting” heterosexuals with our gayness. And then these pathetic fucking perverted freaks come along just as we finally start to get some tiny fragment of acceptance, and they fucking destroy it for us.

This man is being fucking celebrated as “brave” and “stunning” for outright admitting to being a fucking rapist. He raped his boyfriend, and is getting praised for it, with no regard for the fact that he’s now putting his boyfriend and gay men in ACTUAL danger- and not the made up, imaginary kind of danger that trans”women” love to tell stories about.

I’m also very curious to see how many women peak because of this whole thing. I scrolled through his twitter to see reactions, and it was flooded with clearly well-meaning normie women asking genuine, good-intentioned questions...only to be attacked and dog-piled by a bunch of vile TIMs and pathetic handmaidens for not using the ~*correct*~ language. Like, I’m talking about cruel, personal, misogynistic attacks from these men, all because these women dared to ask a “wrong” question.

Anyway, yeah. That’s my opinion on the whole thing...sorry for it being so long, anon, but I kinda have a tendency to ramble lol. I hope it was at least somewhat coherent, but I’m currently sick with some type of cold and really don’t feel good, so my head is kinda fuzzy lol

~

........oh, and I mean...c’mon...it’s uncanny, right?!!:

[natsunoomoi]

About AAPI Stuff

So like I haven't posted anything about this on here or on most of my social media like anywhere. It's not that I don't care, but it's more that I agree with all the call outs and stuff that's been happening and I'm annoyed that it didn't happen sooner. As an older millennial Asian I cannot begin to express how proud and happy I am to see younger Gen Z Asians taking up the helm and calling out the Hollywood bullshit and the various microaggressions that we've all endured for who really knows how long. But at the same time I am frustrated af that so many of my peers and fellow millennials turned a blind eye and waited to voice similar opinions until NOW. Like I literally had a lot of these pro-Asian views and also questioned the status quo in the same way, but a lot of my peers back in the day would just smile and nod and not do anything about it. Kind of like keep your head down and don't rock the boat or even were blind or willfully ignorant to the shit that was happening and just eating up the scraps that White Hollywood fed us or their dumb excuses. I'm happy, but frustrated that more from my generation didn't stand up and do it sooner.

To a lot of my friends who would listen to me, I feel like I probably influenced them in a lot of positive ways to be mindful of it. I am grateful and happy that I had them because otherwise I probably would feel lonely and isolated. But most of those friends were not fellow East Asians let alone in AAPI. It's just kind of annoying and frustrating to see some friends jump on speaking out about AAPI hate now when we were in uni 10 years ago I brought up about how similar things were f-ed up then and they just shrugged and didn't care that it was happening.

I remember once getting into a heated discussion with an acquaintance about Memoirs of a Geisha. I wasn't saying it wasn't okay for her to like it. You can like whatever you want, but the story and the film especially is very problematic. That person tried to defend it by saying that the author like talked to an actual geisha and based the story on her life and while that's true, that geisha also distanced herself from the book and said that he like screwed up his telling of the geisha world and misrepresents her life. The author admits also that he made up basically a prettied up fantasy, which is just a nice way to say he culturally appropriated a story to fit his idea of what Asian culture/Japanese culture is like instead of what it's ACTUALLY like. There's other things like how she was valued and viewed as unique for her blue eyes and like, there are some villages in China with blue eyed people. But like they were historically shunned. And like, he chose to give an Asian person a Western trait to make her "valuable". That is some messed up shit.

But like also, about the film specifically, the main three women in the story are all played by Chinese women. Because Japanese, Chinese, same difference right? That's some kind of fucked up right there. I pointed it out and that person I was discussing with said that the studio "couldn't find a Japanese person who could speak English" and that was the reason why they cast three Chinese women. That is some actual bullshit. A large Japanese American population in Los Angeles and they couldn't find a single aspiring actress of Japanese descent to play one of the roles? I understand wanting to put big names on the poster to attract people, so maybe we can't get rid of Michelle Yeoh or Zhang Ziyi, but Jesus Christ we were not in the pocket of China's film market yet, why Gong Li and not a Japanese person? Plus with all the half Japanese actresses or talent all over Japanese media in Japan, they really couldn't find one that could speak English? I call bullshit and I think they didn't even try. I brought this stuff up and people were blind or willfully ignorant or basically a twinkie and just trying to fit in at the expense of our proper representation. I swear it was so frustrating at the time to get people to understand, hey this is fucked up and we shouldn't stand for it. Imagine if I got this person or most of my other friends to listen and we got a movement going and we spread the word. Would all the hate we got in the wake of the pandemic have happened?

And that, therein, is my frustration. The stuff coming out about all the microaggressions and like the stupid excuses and everything are things I have said to people before, but I was largely ignored. Maybe I could have tried harder, but if people want to willfully be apathetic and let stuff happen there isn't much I can do. I am really frustrated and disappointed by my generation, but I'm glad the younger gen is picking it up.

With that, I'd also like to direct your attention to the film, The Departed. It is basically a remake of a *brilliant* Chinese film which launched a super popular series. It has a few original bits, but a large part of the contribution of shots and the writing comes from the original CHINESE FILM that they remade. It was a big hit in the US cuz it's good, but it's good because it's a remake of an already AMAZING CHINESE FILM. The filming is near shot for shot and there's some original stuff in a change of setting and focus to Boston, but all the good things about the film are from the Chinese film. Yet Scorsese gets praised and accolades for basically copying the work of Asian film makers and not well because a number of people had criticism over how it was adapted to America. But the bigger thing is that these accolades are more deserved by the original Asian film staff. This is only a remake and the good things about it are from Infernal Affairs. I have been fucking livid over this for years that the Chinese cast and film makers were DENIED their due recognition. The awards that The Departed won actually rightfully belong to the Chinese. SHOW. CHINESE FILMS. DIRECTLY TO PEOPLE. DON'T REMAKE THEM. I fucking hate this movie just in principle of what it represents and how it literally STOLE from Asian representation. I'm probably shouting into the void here, but please for the love of God, I hope one day people recognize this and remove the rewards from this film which are undeserved.

[infernwetrust]

AHS 1984: Between The Lines [Xavier Plympton x Chet Clancy] 2. Upset Me

PART 1

Summary: A world before the horror. A world with some horrors. A fantasy world, where things are slightly normal. A world where Chet Clancy has been in a relationship with his long term girlfriend, Brooke Thompson. A world where Xavier Plympton, struggles to find himself after a dark past. But what if I told you that's not all who Chet is romantically involved with? What if I told you there’s a little bit more to Xavier than what he presents himself to be? What if I told you to read between the lines? Together we'll explore friendship, love, deceit, and sexuality on a different level.

Rated: R for Restricted. 18+ Very Mature Themes.

Warnings: Alright folks, I’m going to be very honest with you. This book can get dark and depressing sometimes. Due to it’s unpredictable nature, since it is a work in progress, read at your own discretion, and apply tags as you see them fit. I will be giving warnings at the beginning of chapters that do take it to that level. If you do choose to read and you come across anything that makes you uncomfortable, please don’t hesitate to reach out to me. I am all ears.

WC: 1.4k

"Did anyone remember to grab joint papers?" Chet asked. "I used my last one outside." A now, shirtless Chet, stood at the top of the stairs. He combed out his hair and was wearing a gold chain. His eyes scanned his rather large living room where his friends had spread out to their comfort. Except not really. Brooke had no problem laying against Xavier's side, his arm in the back of the sofa,while he was having a conversation with Ray.  

Xavier paused his sentence to turn his attention towards Chet who was now at the bottom of the steps. He couldn't help, but to glance over him one good time.. or twice.

"Montana said that she would bring hers if she remembered to, so we're just waiting on her." he spoke. "What's the rush? I'm sure you and Brooke here are high out of the ass."  

"And wouldn't you love to be too?"

"Why is that even a question?"

"Why do you ask so many questions?"

"Please don't start this." Brooke interjected. "I've dealt with your bromance long enough in high school."

"Seriously." Ray added on. "When are you two not going at each other's throats. And it's always for something stupid. And to top it off you start talking again like it never even happened."

"Total bullshit." Xavier directed towards Ray.

"Yeah what he said." Chet chimed in, lifting Brooke's legs up to sit down. He gently placed them on his lap and smiled at her before throwing his arm around the sofa, just a little higher than Xavier's.  

"You two argue like an old couple. It's kind of cute actually." Brooke spoke again. "Chet you should see your face when X mentions anything about sports."

"Because I know that he's only saying it to make me mad. I've known this kid since we were toddlers and he has never had interest in sports."

"False." Xavier interjected.

"Oh did I mention he thinks aerobics are a type of sport, when it's a type of exercise?"

"You're joking right?" Ray asked Xavier. Xavier stayed silent, avoiding eye contact with every single person in the room. Chet stared him down like a dog with a heavy smirk on his face.

"Go on." Chet said, slapping the back of Xavier's arm.

"Jesus Christ,  he's not joking."

"I hate you. You disgust me. And I hope you choke on the beer you decide to drink tonight." Xavier said to Chet, getting up without warning Brooke who's head was now where he once sat.

"A warning would of been nice."'she mumbled.

"Where are you going?" Chet asked trying to hold back his laugh. He was ignored as Xavier headed for the door, taking out a box cigarettes from his pocket.  

"You done did it now." Ray said to Chet.

"Oh fuck me..." Chet sighed, throwing his head back. "Xavier I didn't-,"

The door was already slammed shut.

"Fuck." Chet quickly got up, again, giving Brooke no warning, hustling out the door behind Xavier. He stood at the bottom of the porch steps, hand in his pocket, puffing on his cigarette. He looked over his shoulder slightly at Chet, who ran his hand through his hair.

"Xavi." he called out.

"You know, Clancy." Xavier spoke. "You don't do well at keeping your mouth shut."

"And neither do you." Chet joined him at the bottom of the steps and the two sat down. Xavier took another pull before passing the cigarette to Chet who gladly accepted. "A little nicotine never hurt anyone right?"

"A little nicotine?" Xavier jokingly asked, looking at Chet and grinning. "I wish, Chet. I've been smoking since I was 12. I'm so fucked up." He sighed, putting his head between his knees.

"Just smoke more weed."

"I can't afford to keep being high all the time."

"Bullshit. You want to be a big time actor. You can more than afford to keep being high all the time."

"Not on set. In a couple years that stuff is going to ruin your memory. I promise."

"You get on my nerves. Always trying to be so good, innocent, and pure. Always trying to spit some words of knowledge."  Chet punched him in the side of the arm. "But if you want to keep that pretty face of yours, you need to stop smoking cigarettes or at least try cutting back."

"This is coming from the guy that's done coke twice now."

"How did this become about me?" The two looked at each other and started laughing. "But, listen. I'm sorry. You told me not to tell anyone about that and I did. You can tell everyone about the time I pissed my pants in public."

"No." Xavier responded, softly. "I'm not going to do that. It's not the worst thing you know about me." Chet had to go way back into the memories he had with Xavier. He had too many. And then he remembered.

"Ooo, yeah. Let's not ever talk about that one."

"Ever."

Chet handed him back his cigarette for him to finish up, but instead of finishing it, he simply flicked it into the grass. Xavier cared about his face too much to finish it. This one at least.  He looked at Chet, who was now staring now at his hands, playing with his finger nails. He admired everything about him. From his hair, to his eyes, to his lips, and everything below. Xavier didn't want to admit this, but he liked Chet. He knew how fragile Chet's masculinity was, so he made sure to never push those buttons when he made his sexual jokes around his friends. A flirt, he was, but Chet made him feel small despite the small height difference.  

"Are we moving the party outside?" a well dressed Montana asked as she stood behind the gate, chewing her gum aggressively.

"It's about time you showed up."  Chet said. "I've been sobering up and I don't like it. Did you bring those papers?"

"Well it's nice to see you too, Chet." she responded, blowing a bubble. She stared her ex up and down. "Xavier."

"Demon that haunts my dreams." Xavier responded, rolling his eyes.

"You miss me."

"I hate you."

"You want to fuck me."

"I want to choke you."

"Are you guys dialogue fucking right now? I can feel the sexual tension in the air." Chet spoke.

"I rather die."  

"That's funny, Xavier. I swear you were moaning my name last week at your party."

"That was you two?!" Chet's jaw dropped. "I was wondering where you went Xavier. Anyone that stood at the bottom of the stairs could hear you guys. See I knew there was still some love there."

"Oh please. I was drunk, high, and horny and so was she. It was a mistake."

"Then why did you kiss me yesterday when I came to give you back your flannel that you haven't stopped bugging me about?"

"Fuck off, Montana." Xavier got up swiftly, eyeing her down.

"Make me."

"Okaaaay. I think I'm gonna go back inside." Chet said, also getting up. "When you two are done lusting, I hope you'll join us and not go fuck in the woods somewhere."

Xavier and Montana stared each other down as Chet made his way back inside and as soon as they heard that door slam they went after each other.

"Why are you such a bitch?" he asked her.

"Ugh. Why are you?" she asked back. "You get fucked up, coming knocking on my door or calling my house. You tell me you love me, fuck me senseless, and then you leave and start acting like this. And I thought I was the moody one in the group."

Xavier hung his head low for the second time tonight, laughing quietly to himself.

"And you're just going to leave out the part where you do the same? Where you show up to my door, crying over me? Where you literally beg me to fuck you all the time and get livid when I say no? Right. Montana, please go fuck yourself."

"You already do that."

"Yeah, not anymore." He turned around to head back in the house.

"You won't last. You miss me too much."

"I'll hope for the day when you're not so full of yourself, sweety."

"Coming from the guy who thinks his face is worth billions of dollars."

"I'm gonna pretend like you didn't just say that. Now come on, let's go inside."

Toxic. But we'll examine that next chapter.

[cinnamon-bebe]

The Bridge

Summary: Two ex-lovers find their paths crossing once again.

(I haven’t written in literally YEARS but I had some time and a little inspiration today… Not my GIF :))

Pairing: Sebastian Stan x Reader

Warning: Swearing

“Hi.”

The word escapes him. He shouldn’t have initiated that smile, he should have allowed her to pass him by as if he was never there but she caught him off guard. He found himself trapped between the crowd, unable to weave his way through. He could have looked the other way but he couldn’t bear to tear his eyes from her; until she finally looked up in his direction and gradually made her way to him.

His body resists his mind’s natural instinct to reach for her, even just for a simple touch on the shoulder. Consciously adjusting the strap of his backpack, Sebastian withdraws his hand to his pocket.

“Hey you, it’s been a while hasn’t it?” She smiles.

It has. It’s been a year and her voice, exactly as he had remembered.  "How are you Seb?“

He’s relieved that the bridge is so busy, Y/N’s attention torn between him and the bustling traffic of people trying to get to either side. This way, she might not notice how he’s looking at her. The way his eyes, lingered a little too long on those beautiful blushed lips he was so used to kissing; filled with curses the last time they spoke. The way he struggled to look into her eyes, those deep brown eyes filled with tears the last time he saw her.

"I…I’ve been good. Been keeping myself busy with work. The usual.” He musters up the courage to respond, feigning a some-what happy smile.

“Oh I know you’ve been busy. You seem to be in every movie trailer I see. I can’t seem to escape you.” She playfully creases her nose at him.

Chuckling lightly, Sebastian looks down at his feet. Half of him sure she meant that with pure jest, the other half convinced there were remnants of resentment.

“How are you?” He asks, gesturing towards her before resting his hand on the back of his head.

Y/N shuffles closer to hear him. The bridge swelling with more people, their chatter growing louder and harsher.

“I’ve been well. Not as busy as you but enough to keep me out of trouble. Are you here for work?”

“Yeah, just wrapped up some reshoots today. How about you, how long are you in New York? ” Raising his voice above the crowd, Sebastian moves closer to Y/N as the herd pushes past them.

“I just came to stay with Tara for a few days. I’m actually off tomorrow, so I wanted to squeeze in some time to walk around the city before I leave.”

“Heading towards the Museum of Natural History?” He raises an eye brow, making Y/N roll her eyes sheepishly in admission.

“You and your dinosaurs.” Seb chuckles to himself, shaking his head as he recalls the many occasions Y/N dragged him through the same museum. Her face always lit up like a child as she marvelled at the exhibitions of fossils and artefacts. He never got the appeal of looking at a bunch of old bones but seeing her smile the way she did, he would have been willing to go everyday if time would have allowed. “Don’t you ever get bored?”

Y/N doesn’t respond to his playful jibe, instead she looks at him intently with furrowed brows. Pursing her lips as she scoffs to herself.

“I forgot you never had time for that sort of childish nonsense huh?”

“That’s not what I meant Y/N…”

“No it’s fine, I was just joking Seb.” She stops Sebastian before he could explain himself, visibly kicking himself for making that comment. “I should probably get going…It was good seeing you again.” She holds his gaze for a few seconds, anticipating a response that never came before giving up and excusing herself away from him.

Sebastian shuts his eyes as he feels her graze past him, his hand naturally flinching to grab hers but he hesitates, it’s too late. He can feel his stomach sinking as he is swallowed by the rush of people swarming around him, none of them taking notice of the celebrity on the bridge but he feels a wave of anxiety creeping up, paranoia that he was about to be encroached by the old voices asking for pictures and autographs. He’s certainly in no mood to pose for pictures right now. Suddenly, he’s lost all direction for where his day was headed. All plans out the window. His mind fixated on the conversation he just had.

Is this what his relationship with Y/N has come to? A brief hello and then separate directions out of each other’s lives? How could the three happy years they shared be reduced to just a distant memory?

Sebastian slowly makes his way across the bridge, dragging his feet towards the path of his intended destination, wherever that might be.  Scenes of his last night with Y/N playing his head.

Flashback

“Where were you?”

Sebastian looked up in surprise, it was 3am and he hadn’t expected Y/N to still be awake. She was sat with her legs on the sofa, wearing the black bardot dress she had worn to dinner earlier. Her face was flushed with pink, her previously sleek bun had gradually come undone through the night.

“Why are you still awake babe? It’s so late.” Sebastian sighed as he made his way towards her, seating himself next to her and placing his hand on hers.

Snatching it away, Y/N bit her lip, unable to look at him. Sebastian began to stroke her rosy cheek gently.

“Have you been drinking?” He questions solemnly.

“Yeah. I had a few actually. You know, after you left me by myself in restaurant?” Y/N finally turned to him.

“Y/N come on-” Sebastian tried to hold her but she got up abruptly, leaving him and slamming the door to their bedroom.

Sebastian sighed before pushing himself wearily off the sofa and followed her to the room. It had been a long day and he wasn’t ready for another one of these showdowns.

“Y/N, sweetheart. I’m sorry okay?”

“You do this to me all the time! All the time! Do you know how it makes me feel you when you just leave me like that?”

“I didn’t leave you by yourself, you had Tara and Zach with you!”

“I wanted to be with YOU! Can’t I just spend time with my boyfriend like any other normal girl? You work all week, I just wanted to be with you for one evening! Is that too much to ask?”

“Y/N…” Sebastian heaved in frustration, dragging his hand through his now messy hair.

“You went to see her didn’t you? Your ‘friend’ with the emergency? Is that why you left?” Y/N emphasised the word 'friend’ with heated sarcasm, fire building in her chest. She already knew the answer but she wanted him to admit it with his own words.

“Don’t. Don’t make this about her okay?” Irritation building in him, deep down he knew it was going to come to this.

“But it’s true though right? It’s always about her. How could I not?” Y/N got up confrontationally. “What was the emergency this time? She locked herself outside her apartment? Lost her car keys? What could have possibly happened this time to make to you run off like that to see your ex?”

“Stop making it like I’m cheating on you. She’s my friend, I just wanted to make sure she was okay! She called m-”

“Did you ever stop to think if I was okay? Do you ever think about me when you do these things?” Y/N hadn’t realised she was crying until she started struggling to breathe. Every breath hurt her. Every second Sebastian didn’t respond hurt her. “Why do you insist on doing this to me?”

“Kaitlyn’s sister is in the hospital, she was a mess and she just wanted a shoulder to cry on. I was trying to be a good friend. That’s all I ever try to be. Why can’t you believe me?”

“Don’t turn this on me! Don’t make it seem like I’m being an irrational girlfriend!”

“I’m not!”

“Yes you are! How would you like it if I ran off to see Jared every night? Leaving you whenever he called? You’d be fucking livid if I did that, so stop acting like this is fucking normal.” Y/N sat herself on the bed, her eyes fixated on Sebastian’s hardened expression.

“What do you want me to say Y/N? Because I don’t know what else to tell you. I am tired of having to explain myself to you all the time, having this same argument every time.”

Y/N held his gaze. The only sound in the room were their heavy breathing. “Tell me you don’t love her”.

“Jesus Christ Y/N.”

“What? Why is it so hard to say if you don’t?!” She screamed, his resistance being his confirmation.

“Why is it so hard for you to believe that you’re the only one I love?! I can tell you I don’t love her a million times and we’ll keep having this fight anyway! This all comes down to the fact that you’re insecure and you don’t trust me.”

“No I don’t trust you. How could I when not once in our relationship you have put me first? I’ll always come second place in your heart, I’m finally starting to accept that now.”

“You’re fucking immature Y/N…first place, second place. You know you can be such a fucking child sometimes. I love YOU. This isn’t some competition!”

“Yeah I’m fucking childish but at least I can admit my own feeling to myself.”

“I’m done having this fight.” Sebastian shook his head, the sky was getting light and he needed to get some shut eye before he had to wake up to shoot scenes in the morning. “Sleep it off, we can talk about this later.” He pulled the covers over, ready to get in for some peace.

That’s how it worked. They’d bitch, they’d fight but the next day they’d always makeup. A kiss on the nose and breakfast in bed did wonders.

However this time Y/N doesn’t join him. Her back remained facing him.

“No. I’m done too.” She managed to recollect herself, wiping her tears with the palm of her hand. She was calm now, there was nothing left to argue about.

Sebastian stood there, the covers still in his hand. He began to experience a sinking feeling he had never felt in their fights before. Dread in his gut, spread all the way to his throat. Too afraid to implore what she meant.

“I can’t be here anymore. Near you.”

“Y/N.”

“ I can’t continue like this with you. I hate how I feel. I hate the way I am. I don’t want to do this anymore.” Y/N finally turned to face him, tears no longer running down her face. Eyes vacant, with the love that was once there, drained out of them.

She got off the bed to grab her bag. Sebastian retained his stance by the bed, his eyes unwilling, unable to watch her gather her stuff. He remained there until she closed the door behind her, only then did he look up to see nothing but the empty room.

End of Flashback

Sebastian stops himself in his tracks. The sound of the city wakes him from his daze, New York reminding him of its presence. He somehow made it across the bridge, finding himself at the foot of the stairs he mindlessly traipsed down without memory.

He sees the cafe he was meant to be in 15 minutes ago. His friends who probably expected his tardiness, were likely catching up without him and yet, he is in no rush to cross the road.

He can’t help but feel that there is somewhere else he needs to be.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“What distinguishes triceratops from other dinosauria is its enormous skull, possessing a backward-pointing fr-è stato misurato a oltre sette piedi! Altri certopsici come Centrosaurus e-” Fiddling with the language setting on her audio guide, Y/N walks distractedly through the herbivorous dinosaur exhibit. She had already breezed through the butterfly conservatory without even acknowledging a single insect; her mind miles away with someone else.

She leans herself against the railing, her elbows resting against the cool metal. A piece of glass separates her from the majestic model of a prehistoric animal in front of her. She suddenly can’t help but feel sorry for it. Trapped in a glass cage, people gawking at it every few minutes and then leaving when they’ve lost interest. Yes, she knows it is only a model but it if was alive, we’d probably do the same. And here she is, guilty as charge.

“Excuz me mrs, pweeze can you carry me? I can’t see the dinosaur.” A little girl tugs at Y/N’s dress to her surprise. She looks down to see a cherubic curly haired child, ladybirds adorned on the collars of her red cardigan. She smiles awkwardly at Y/N, her head just about reaching the railing.

“Erm…sure darling.” Y/N throws her arms up in amusement of the request, swinging her up onto her right hip.

The girl studies the dinosaur intently before pointing at the glass, a cheeky grin spreading across her face.

“Dats a fwunny looking one.” She covers her mouth to suppress the laughter building in her belly.

“That’s a Parasaurolophus. Their funny looking heads actually helped send sounds to their friends, to warn them when there was a hungry dinosaur nearby. Kind of like a little trumpet.”

“A pawasawolofas.”

Y/N giggled with the little girl at her pronunciation. The little girl’s infectious laughter growing louder and higher.

“Izzy! Where are you?” A panicked voice shouts through the entrance of the exhibit.

“Uh-oh das my mama. I have to go now dinosaur lady!” Before Y/N could react, the little girl slides her way out of her arms, her hand accidentally knocking Y/N’s earring across the floor.

Y/N watches as her new friend runs across the room, dodging the crowd of people expertly and jumping into the arms of her worried mother, who smothers her into her chest. Her face filled with relief that she wasn’t abducted by some strange 'dinosaur lady’.

Y/N smiles at the sight, it was little human interactions like this that she enjoyed in life, it reminded her of how simple and happy life could be. She heaves a deep breath before crouching down in a mission, shuffling her way through the sea of legs in attempt to find her earring. It could have fallen through the vents on the floor for all she knows but she isn’t leaving without trying to retrieve it. It was an 18th birthday present from a dear friend, worth very little but she has worn it every day since;  heart shaped rubies with golden accents.

“Oop, sorry.” She apologises breathlessly as she bumps into people, all probably concerned why this grown woman was crawling around on the floor. Y/N sees the security guard peering above the gathering of people she is blocking, suspicious why they have all congregated there and away from the actual display. She quickens her search, pushing gently through the crowd until finally she spots a sparkle of red at the bottom of a Stegosaurus model.

“There you are.” She mumbles with delight under her breath.

Just as she is getting back on her feet, she sees a man bend down to pick up her earring. He’s wearing a familiar light grey t-shirt, a black backpack strung on his shoulders, headphones around his neck.

Her delight fades in an instant.

The man turns around with his mouth slightly agape, as he mentally prepares to explain himself.

“Did you lose this?” Sebastian smiles sheepishly, extending his palm towards Y/N.

Y/N doesn’t respond, she just looks at the ruby in his hand, eventually plucking up the courage to retrieve it.

“Um… I hope I’m not intruding on your alone time.” Sebastian clears his throat between his words. “It’s been a while since I’ve been here, I just thought I’d have a wander myself. I can go if you want me t-”

“No. No it’s okay, the museums big enough for the both of us.” Y/N plasters on that happy smile she had on the bridge. One she had practised in her head in case of times like this.

Sebastian nods in relief, had she sent him packing he wouldn’t have known what to do with himself.

“So…what exactly are we looking at right now?” He gestures towards the reconstructed model before them, trying to act as casual as he could. He’s an actor damn it, why is it so hard?

Unsure of what exactly her ex is doing, she steps beside him and points to the sign which clearly read 'Stegosaurus’.

“Right! I…I totally missed that.”  

“How long have you been here?” Y/N enquires, trying to ignore how awkward this exchange is.

“Not long, just long enough to see you crawling around like a crack-head.” Sebastian teases, artfully dodging Y/N’s unappreciative daggers.

“I thought you didn’t like it here?”

“What do you mean? I love dinosaurs!” Sebastian exclaims, pretending to look busy 'reading’ the information on the plaque.

“Well when I used to take you here, I recall someone moaning and groaning all the way through. Your favourite part was the gift shop at the end.” Y/N pokes at him.

“Hey, let’s not pretend that wasn’t your favourite too.”

“I’m serious, what are you doing here?” She is serious indeed, her face no longer bearing the same friendly smile she bore before.

Sebastian sighs, his teeth tugging at the bottom of his lip. “I guess…I should have been more appreciative back then. I kind of figured out what I have been missing all these years and I didn’t want the opportunity to slip past me again. That’s why I’m here.”

Y/N no longer sure what exactly he is referring to, the museum or something else but she doesn’t want to ruminate on unfounded theories.

“So, would you mind if I joined you?” Sebastian suggests in the silence of it all. “You can teach me all about our prehistoric friends, I’ll actually listen this time.”

Y/N ponders for a few moments. Spending her day with the man who broke her heart, isn’t exactly on her itinerary. Had she anticipated her encounter with Sebastian, she might not have taken this trip to New York at all.

Closure. Perhaps this experience will give her the much needed closure, to sign off her association with him.

Yes, closure is the reasoning Y/N gave herself.

“Where do you want to start then?”

Sebastian could hardly believe this is happening. He hadn’t thought this through, in fact since the bridge he has no idea how he ended up here. All he knows is that this is where he wanted to be. With Y/N again.

“T-Rex?”

“Is that the only dinosaur you know?” Y/N raised her eyebrow, unimpressed.

“No.” Sebastian feigns offense. “There’s also that one with the claw that chased Jeff Goldblum through those fields in Jurassic Park II.”

“Oh my god…” Y/N shakes her head in disbelief, leading the way to the Tyrannosaurus exhibit.

“Hey.” Seb catches up to her, brushing her arm slightly to her surprise. “I didn’t pick up an audio guide on the way in. Do you mind if we share?”

Y/N looks down at the device in her hand, the cheap black earphones dangling between them.

“Erm…sure.”

Sebastian picks up one of the buds, placing it in his right ear as Y/N does the same to her left. His towering stature making it awkward for them to walk at different paces, forcing Sebastian to stay close to Y/N, lowering his head to meet her small frame. Their arms grazing each other ever so slightly, as they explored the neighbouring sights.

Every now and again, Sebastian would catch Y/N stealing glances at him much to her annoyance, as he would react with a mischievously enquiring brow. A growing smile teasing Sebastian’s face.

[cilldaracailin]

Hammer To Fall

Thank you so much my beautiful Tumblr friends for your love and comments on the first part of this story I posted yesterday. It just makes my heart fill with love and happiness. :) 

Here is the next part :) (Again it’s all fiction and I do my best with the details as best I can to my knowledge)

2

“Even the most patient people get tired of understanding when you push them to their limit. Even the most patient people get tired of listening when you push them to their limit. Even the most patient people, get tired.”

Taron pulled a post-it that got stuck on the glasses on his face and read it. ‘Don’t forget who gives better squishy hugs but cwtch is a good replacement for me’. He bent down and picked another one up. ‘Thanks for letting me play whatever I wanted when I wanted and for helping me to sing again’. In his hands he held the post-it notes he had written for Robyn when he left her house. He stood on the top step, blinking as he tried to gather his thoughts. He was dumbfounded and completely taken aback that Robyn had appeared in front of him on the steps of Bryant Park in New York where he was filming and even more so with the anger and livid tone of her voice as she spoke to him. He had never seen her look so annoyed before, every feature on her face filled with a rage and he could almost see her whole body shaking as she confronted him. He played back what she had said to him, and found his own temper starting to rise, annoyed that she had turned up on set to accuse him of not taking her opinion into consideration. He looked up as he saw Matthew walking up the steps to him.

“So that is Robyn. Fiery little thing.” He said. “What on earth did you fucking do to her?”

“I did nothing to her.”

“You honestly think I believe that Taron? She just called you out. What did you do?”

“It’s stuff to do with the media and shit she had written about me.”

Matthew pulled one of the post-its from the suit Taron was wearing. “‘Nothing more powerful than a woman in a pants suit’” He read from it. “You sure it was her?” He asked.

“Her fucking name was under it.”

“Taron, that woman has just given you a proper bollocking in front of the whole of Bryant Park and the film crew, after flying here from Ireland to do so and just wore her heart so obviously on her sleeve, while defending her own honour and name. Do you honestly think someone who was out to slate you would do something like that? Travel all the way here and then walk onto a live film set to do so?” Taron had no answer for his director. “And did you really tell her maybe it would have been better if she hadn’t of saved your life? In a voice mail?”

“I thought you read what she wrote.” Taron quickly changed the subject of the conversation, not wanting to answer Matthew’s question.

“How the fuck do you know it was her who wrote it?”

“Her name was under it.” Taron spat back.

“Are you that naïve Taron? After everything you as an actor has been through? To believe right out what the media and internet says?”

“It wasn’t just the name Matthew. It was the words in the sentence too. Private words and nicknames that only Robyn and I have for each other.”

“And it sounds like you didn’t even give her a chance to explain herself and don’t huff and puff at me like that. You cannot take the high ground here Taron without letting her explain anything. You going to let that beautiful woman walk right out of your life, a life you have because of her, over a misunderstanding and lack of communication on your part. Be a fucking man Taron and go after her and talk to her properly. Let her talk without judging so quickly and you had better go now because I tell you something, you let that woman walk further than four blocks, she is gone forever and from what you have told me about her, she seems like a woman you do not want to have walk away from you forever.”

“Did you even read the article?” Asked Taron now frustrated with his director for taking Robyn’s side.

“Yeah Taron I did because you practically threw it at my face yesterday and made me read it but it was the picture I preferred to look at. You both looked so relaxed with each other.”

“All a fucking act Matthew.” Growled Taron. “She doesn’t give a shit about me.”

“So, a woman you think who doesn’t give two shits about you, flew all the way to New York to come and see you and to clearly try and talk to you.”

“You call that talking? She stood there and yelled at me.”

“Because you are being an arsehole Taron! Have you even given her a chance to talk to you about the article and picture?”

“Don’t see the point.”

“Don’t see the point? Jesus Christ Taron. That woman saved your life in Florida and as far as I can see has been nothing but a wonderful friend to you since then and has been a strong emotional rock for you.”

“She broke a promise to me Matthew and did something that has caused such hurt for my family.”

“And you have the proof Taron, apart from a name on the internet? Get your fucking head of out your arse Taron and go after her and talk to her.” Matthew walked up the steps to stand behind Taron. “Do you want me to call you mother and tell her what you have done?” Matthew gave Taron a push on his back. “I have called lunch. Go and find her now.”

With a frustrated sigh, Taron took the steps three at time and quickly made his way through all the set gear and toward the barriers and jumped them easily, walking onto sixth avenue. He was completely wound up from head to toe and had absolutely no idea why he was even bothering to walk down the blocks away from the set to try and find Robyn in the crowds. He was fuming with his director and felt so stupid as he tried to find the back of her head among the people strolling along the footpath. It was such a waste of a walk and he picked up the pace a little bit with long strides, his hands in fists at his sides. It was another conversation he had no interest in having and it was only because Matthew threatened to call his mam that he was now taking to a light jog as he crossed the road at thirty-sixth street. He looked through the happy shoppers and caught a glimpse of her, her arm in the air hailing a yellow cab. Groaning he took to a light run heading her way.

“Robyn! Robyn!” He shouted. “Hey Robyn!”

She had her hand on the silver handle of the car when she heard his voice calling her name through the crowds and turned her head to see him running her way, dressed in a wonderfully fitted black pinstripe suit, wearing the glasses for the part of Eggsy and it made her heart jump. She was so busy delivering her perfectly practised speech that she had rehearsed over and over on the plane, that she never even took in how he looked and he looked beautiful dressed as Eggsy and she hated herself for thinking so when she was so angry with him.

“Robyn, wait.”

She opened the door of the cab and kept her hand on the top of the door as Taron ran up to her.

“What?” She asked with an obvious hint of irritation in her voice. “You suddenly have the time to talk to me now? You are not needed on your extremely important movie set?”

“Robyn, look…”

“Don’t even start with me Taron. I am so fucking mad at your that I can’t even look at you right now and if you even start with any of that shit again, I swear to God, the back of my head will be the very last thing you ever see of me.”

“You are the one who flew all the way to come and see me Robyn.” Answered Taron defensively.

“Yeah to try and sort this fuckin shit out Taron. You leave me all the voice mails but don’t give me a chance to even try to defend myself. You just stand there and judge without even listening to me and then you bring my whole character down with a few words.”

“Well if the shoe fits.”

“Goodbye Taron.” Robyn stepped into the cab with one leg but Taron grabbed the door of the cab to stop her from pulling it closed. “You really need to step back Taron. I am leaving.”

As Robyn went to pull the door again, he held firm. “Just stop for a second.”

“Yeah because I am going to listen to you? You won’t listen to me, I am not giving you the same curtesy Taron. You want to be an absolute shithead, by all means go ahead.”

“Robyn stop!” Taron stepped around the door of the cab and stood with his hand still on the door in front of her, standing on the step, giving him an even better height difference between them and he could properly look down at her. Even though he knew she was angry, he had never seen such sadness and hurt in her eyes before and tears were waiting ready to fall from her lashes. Her whole body language just screamed that she had given up on him and it scared him a little at how quickly and easily that had happened and it actually made him begin to worry that she really was ready to walk away from him just as quick as that and was very serious about doing so. “Just… Stop.”

Robyn had one foot in the cab and one on the road and Taron was now standing right in front of her with his hand still on the door of the cab keeping it open. The winter sunshine that was low in the sky but not yet set behind the high rise buildings, reflected in his eyes through the glasses he wore, the brown that only appeared in his iris’s when he was emotional charged, so soft and striking, that Robyn found it hard to keep her eyes on his. “I don’t know what you want from me Taron. According to you, I have gotten everything I need from you.”

“Robyn…” He tried to keep the frustration he felt from his voice. “Will you just come back to set with me.”

“And do what? Have another one-sided argument? I am not wasting energy I do not have on more useless meaningless words Taron. I am not going to listen to you slate me for being myself or for accusing me of doing something I haven’t done. Especially when you won’t let me get a word in edgeways and defend myself.”

Taron went to take her hand but Robyn pulled back from him as if he had given her an electric shock and it stung him hard when she reacted to him like that. He had always found comfort in holding her hand and she had rejected him without a second thought.

“Will you come back to set with me and we can talk.”

“We can talk, or you can talk?” She questioned still clearly angry with him. “Do you even know how to have a conversation? It works two ways.”

“We can talk. The two of us.”

“Before I let this car go, you need to assure me that if I go with you, it will be a proper civil conversation Taron. I will not be subjected to any of the shit you have already put me through and if you even try anything, or say something so hurtful like you already have, I will walk and I will not look back.”

Taron looked to the woman who are staring at him, once again her eyes piercing through his soul and he felt his heart drop with a little guilt as he saw alongside the sadness in her eyes, the pain he had caused her. “Let’s go and talk.”

“Please goes a long way.” She replied to him.

Feeling a wetness form in the corner of his eyes, he closed them and took a breath before taking one more look to Robyn. “Please.”

Taron took a step back on the footpath and watched as Robyn pulled some dollars from the pocket of her jeans and leaning into the cab, gave them to the driver, apologising for wasting his time. She then stepped out of the car and closed the door.

“Well, you want to talk, let’s talk.”

Robyn held her hand out, indicating to Taron that he had to lead the way and he started to walk, Robyn following him, just a foot step behind. Normally when they walked together the space between them was much smaller but now another person could have fit in the gap they made. It was a horribly uncomfortable silence between them that seemed wrong as the atmosphere outside of their tense circle was so jovial and optimistic but it remained that way as they walked back towards the park. Taron had planned on moving the barrier once he jumper over it but found that Robyn had made her own way through, not needing any of his help and he was trying to keep his composure which was quickly crumbling as his anger subsided. He knew immediately that the Robyn he knew and loved has been replaced by the hard-skinned Robyn he had heard about but never met, whose barriers had built back up so quickly and her whole stance as she walked just showed how offended she was and how much he had hurt her.

They walked past Matthew who stood with his hands on his hips. “Make up is free Taron, if you want to use it.”

Taron didn’t answer but accepted the available space Matthew had made for him with a nod and made his way towards the small trailer that was being used for make-up. It was the only trailer on the set, tents being used for everything else and Taron opened the door of the trailer, stepping back to let Robyn in first. Once she had made her way up the three steps and inside, he followed her and closed the door behind him. He took the glasses from his face and left them on the counter to his left once inside and pulled the tie from his shirt, opening two buttons, suddenly feeling constricted in his tight fitted suit.

“So, let’s get one thing straight before we get into this Taron.” Robyn stood with her arms folded over her chest. “I have never once disrespected you or your family in any shape or form in person, behind your back or online. I have been nothing but a constant form of support for you and I have given everything and more than I have ever given to a man before and opened up in ways I have never done before for you, taken risks for you and put myself out for the world to see just for you. I have never once lied to you or taken advantage of anything you could give me. I have never asked for anything from you and bent over backwards to keep you safe in more ways than one. So when you come for me over the phone accusing me of doing something so horrible without giving me the chance to defend myself, understand that from now on, I am here for me and not for you and I will say what I need to say whether you like it or not Taron.”

“Tell me you didn’t do it.” Taron quickly felt his emotional anger rise once again as Robyn spoke, feeling completely aggravated by her words.

“I have already told you this Taron. A million fucking times!”

“Then why is your name there? Why are there words that only you and I use for each other, private words that only you and me use.” He questioned, feeling completely cheated that their nicknames for each other has been printed for the world to see, names only they knew about.

“I don’t fucking know Taron. Seems pretty obvious to me.”

“Oh really? Explain it to me then.”

“Well you were in a movie depicting Elton John called Rocketman. Does that need another explanation?”

“But the chick thing?”

“The chick thing?”

“I call you chicken.”

Robyn took a step closer to him. “Yeah you have and a coward who won’t step up and take the blame, confess to something I have done. A keyboard warrior, writing shit behind a computer.”

“Well you like to read the comments Robyn. Always have.” Taron was livid with her, infuriated that she couldn’t own up to the fact that she had been telling him lies the whole time.

“I never said I didn’t Taron but since the beach and our promise to each other, I have read nothing. Fucks sake Taron, I even deleted my Twitter account.”

“Doesn’t mean you don’t know how to use google.”

“You want my fucking laptop so you can check my history Taron?”

“You have never had to worry about the media they way I do.”

“Don’t give me that shit Taron. You were the one calling me three months ago apologising for comments your fans made about me.” Robyn took a step closer to him, pointing a finger his way.

“Yeah exactly.”

“Exactly what?” She threw back at him.

“I was the one calling you.”

“I never asked you too and I told you so many fucking times, it doesn’t bother me.”

“And now I realise why. It probably because you are the one writing it all.”

His accusations stung her in the worse way. “Jesus Christ Taron. I am about his close to walking out that door on you. It’s not all about you, you know.”

“No, it’s about my family who are being harassed outside their home because of this fucking picture. My sisters Robyn. My little sisters.” Taron tried to keep his voice steady as he spoke about the most important people in his life.

“Like I said, all about you.”

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean.”

“Just because you are in the public eye, you think everything affects you more.”

“Well it fucking does Robyn.” Taron took another two steps closer to her. “I am the one who has to go to the events and interviews and be baited by press into answering all the questions. I don’t need you causing such shit for me.”

“You are so selfish Taron.”

“Really Robyn?”

“Yeah really Taron. You take and take but are not willing to give and listen.”

“Give? I gave you your invite to Elton’s. I gave you that dress and ear rings.”

“All fucking materialistic things Taron. You know I don’t give a shit about any of that.”

“Doesn’t mean you haven’t taken advantage of it.”

“Taken advantage of it?” Robyn fumed, inching closer to him. “Tell me what I have taken advantage of and then tell me what I have given you Taron? I gave you your life. I gave you my home and bed for two weeks. I spent sleepless nights watching over you to make sure you were breathing while you slept. I offered my open arms to you when you needed support and comfort. I offered every emotional part of my heart to you without question and as much love for your family as I have for you. I stood by your side at Elton’s and did everything I could to get to you to be there for you because you needed me. You almost begged me to be there for you to help you. I may not have money Taron but I have given you so much more than money every could.”

“Ugh it’s such a load of fucking bollocks Robyn. You never cared about me.” Taron threw his arms up in the air and turned to open the door of the trailer. “Fifteen fucking minutes. All you ever wanted.”

Taron turned on her and walked down the steps of the trailer, running his hands through his neatly styled Eggsy hair, messing it up but he heard footsteps coming after him.

“That’s right Taron. Walk away from me. The same thing that every other man that has ever been in my life has done to me. Walked away when things get tough. Just because there is a strong woman standing up and defending herself, the man walks away. Can’t deal with the fact that a woman has more balls than he does. You just can’t face that fact that you were wrong. You can’t accept the fact, that I am so much more than you when it comes down to it all.”

Taron stopped and turned around to see Robyn behind him, her hands on her hips. “You think you know it all. You have only had a slice of what the media can do Robyn, how it effects every part of my life.”

“You think so.”

“I fucking know so.”

She took four long strides over to him, ignoring the small crowd that had gathered around them and stood right in front of him. “It affects me too Taron. I have my own fall out from all the media too. Parents asking me about my time at Elton’s and how I managed to get a ticket to such a party. Who was the man I was standing next too? Did I really save your life? Are the rumours about my love life with you true? The words under that picture don’t just hurt your job but mine too. Not that you believe me, but someone has taken my name and wrote such disgusting words with such hate and that news filtered back to my home town quicker than the articles about what happened in the 7/11 and now my job is almost at risk and my work relationship with my colleagues who look at me differently because of the language I supposedly used. I work with children and now I am seen to have used vulgar words and it makes me look fucking bad and I have to look parents in the eye. I have taken so many phone calls from angry parents who want to know why I am writing such disgusting things online, sexual things online, asking me if and do I realise I work with their children. My phone isn’t turned off at the moment because I don’t want to take your calls but because I cannot mentally listen to another human being accuse me of being rude and disgracing the name of the creche.”

Taron’s face changed as he listened to Robyn speaking, watching as she took some steps closer to him, her cheeks bright red with her rising temper and rage.

“My job is literally on the line and I lied to Emma this morning, telling her I was too sick to come into work and chose instead to fly to New York to see you. To see you Taron and then there is you. You were supposed to be my best friend. The one person I could count on to have my back through all of this and you treat me with just as much disrespect and fucking judgement as the parents. You call me up and accuse me right out without listening to me Taron. You were so quick to cut all ties with me. So quick to really believe that I would do something as low as write those words. You spent a whole two weeks with me Taron, right under my feet and how many times did you actually see me post anything on my social media. How many times did I actually post a picture, or write a comment? Over the last five months how many comments have I posted on your Instagram. Maybe two? Three? How many pictures have I added to my own Instagram? How many twitter posts have you seen me make? None except to promote a video the gospel choir made. I was always happy to help you with the fallout from the media Taron, always there for you. It is not my fault if a sneaky photographer takes a picture of us together on the beach. That weekend with you and your family in Aber meant so much to me and I had such a wonderful time and you know that.”

Robyn turned away from him to catch her breathe for a quick second, before looking back his way, ignoring the tragically sad look on his face and how his forehead creased with an uncomfortable frown. “If you honestly believe in your heart, one that is beating because of me, that I would do something so crude and offensive as to write under a picture of us then you are not the person I thought you were. Just a little boy, who is afraid to face the truth of the situation and instead of talking it out like a man, he accuses someone else for his own insecurities and issues.” Robyn took another step closer to him so her chest was pushed up against his. “Do you remember in the lift in the hotel in Holborn how you asked me if I trusted you and you kissed me but once the lift doors closed you stood back to make sure you hadn’t overstepped your boundaries? It was something I never spoke to you about but as soon as you stepped back, I knew there and then, that you were someone I would always trust with my life, with everything because you had shown me such respect. That’s respect is gone Taron. I figured there would always be people in my life who you let me down but I never, never thought it would be you.”

Without another word, Robyn stepped around Taron, walking through the crowd that separated to let her pass, her heart beating wildly in her chest as she just about held herself together. When Taron came after her and found her at the taxi, she decided she would give him his chance to talk but his version of talking was once again him being so insistent on placing blame her way and not actually asking her what happened or even trying to listen to her and she had found her moment to have her say, her honest say about everything that was going on in her life. It had been a twenty-four hours from hell. Worse than when she was trying to keep Taron alive in Florida and she had answered so many calls from rattled parents who were extremely upset with her over the article on the internet and she had spent nearly five hours after listening to all of Taron’s voice mails, taking calls from concerned parents over her attitude and behaviour, feeling that she had no right to be in such a position in a childcare setting when she spoke with such obscene and offensive language. When Taron had walked away from her, she had had enough of him and had just seen blood red and let him have one pent up emotional rant. She was more than ready to hail that cab now and try and get home to sort the whole mess out herself.

Taron was completely taken aback by Robyn’s words and as a lone tear ran down his left cheek, he turned his head to see her walking away from him again. It was as if he had been hit by a powerful wave of reality and his heart ached and his head hurt, his whole body shaking as his anger and resentment was quickly replaced by guilt and shame. He looked down to his shaking hands and ran them down his face, smearing his tears over his cheeks. He physically felt sick and realised his feet were moving before the rest of his body caught up with them.

“Robyn!” He took to a run, trying to catch up with her before she escaped past the barrier because he knew if she got out onto the street, she would easily take so many turns through the busy paths of New York and he would never find her. “Robyn!” He reached her just as she made to duck under the barrier and his hand caught hers, completely feeling rejected as she pulled his fingers from her. “Robyn, wait…”

“No Taron! I am not doing this again. I know exactly how you feel. You have already told me enough times. Enjoy your life Taron.”

“Please Robyn! Please.” Taron ran past her and jumped the barrier again so he stood in her way, the red plastic between the two. “Please.” He asked holding his hands up. “I know I don’t deserve it. I know Robyn but please, please don’t leave like this.” Tears easily fell from his eyes now, two slowly trailing down each cheek. “If you want to still go, I will not stop you. I would never stop you but if there is any part of you that still believes I am not a fucking arsehole and would be willing to talk again, please don’t go.”

Robyn was so emotional numb that the obvious tears on his cheeks had no effect on her. Whereas before, she would quickly take him into her arms and hug him tight, now she actually felt like punching him in his perfect face. Maddening rage simmered under her skin and she could hear how loud her heaving breathes were as she stood facing him, listening as he had the cheek to beg her to talk to him. “You had your chance to talk to me Taron and you have made your feelings so very clear on every matter.”

“Give me fifteen minutes.”

“You don’t fucking deserve five Taron.”

“Then give me four.” In other circumstances, his comment would have made her laugh but if anything, his words exasperated her, and she made her feelings known by crossing her arms over her chest. “Please Robyn.”

“Let’s hear it then.”

“Not here.” He watched as her face scowled even more. “Let’s go back to the trailer.”

“Scared to air your dirty laundry in public Taron?” She asked.

Her words crippled him and his head dropped to his chest. “Please.” He whispered to her.

“You have three and a half minutes.” She answered him, uncrossing her arms and taking a step back from the barrier, giving him the space he needed to jump back over

[sirfrogsworth]

Throwing slurs AT OTHER PEOPLE is not reclaiming them. That's the equivalent of what you did. Doing the exact same shitty thing just makes you guilty of the exact same shitty thing. You are literally no better than the people you are criticising when you do that. Jesus fucking christ, Froggie, how hard is it to respond to "You are hurting people" with "My bad, I'll stop doing that" ??

First, “triggered” isn’t a slur. It is a term that has been corrupted and it is definitely insulting and hurtful when used improperly. But continuing to equate it to a slur seems problematic at this point.  

Second, I did not do the exact same thing. I was mocking. Using parody. Exposing hypocrisy. I wasn’t seriously saying Donald Trump was triggered. And I don’t think anyone felt that I was. Even you said you “know what I was going for.”  

I’ve explained my point of view as best as I can. I was respectful and considered everything you said. Now you are cursing at me and telling me I am hurting countless hypothetical people. 

I will absolutely apologize when I feel I’ve made a mistake. I’ve done that plenty in the past. I take the input people give very seriously. But I have the right to disagree with your interpretation. I am not going to take down or change everything I write that upsets someone. Of course I don’t want to hurt anyone. But there is no way to please everyone all the time. I suppose I could apologize if anyone was hurt, but that would be a shitty apology because I still believe in what I did and I am not going to change it. 

I told you this is part of how I am coping with an issue that I personally deal with. And I don’t feel like you are even considering that aspect of this. I feel like you are policing how I am dealing with something that has upset me. And that kinda feels shitty. 

Right now that asshole has created a “trigger a lib” website where he encourages his idiot acolytes to buy his book and send it to “leftists.”

I am livid. I don’t know how else to fight this other than to point out his stupidity. Mock him. Expose his hypocrisy. Make fun of his dumbass fire font. Which I guess is better than turning the R into a gun, but still very stupid. 

Humor is the best weapon I have. And that’s what I used in my post. I think it was effective–as did many others. I think it informed hundreds of people of his shittiness. And maybe someday those numbers will add up to enough people to shame this fucking guy into solitude.

200 people liked the original post. Another 100+ liked the post with my response to your criticism. 2 people (including you) disagreed with my tactics. 1 did feel it made them sad but saw my point of view. The majority of people were supportive and understood what I was trying to do. I don’t like turning things like this into a statistical analysis, but that does help guide me in these situations. Most people don’t seem to be interpreting this as you have.

If you are expecting to agree with 100% of what I do and how I do it, I am going to continue to disappoint you. If you have followed me for a while, then you know that I try to be considerate to as many people as I can. I care about the people that follow me. And I try my best to accommodate their concerns. But whenever I’ve tried to be perfect for everyone all the time it has just made me anxious and exhausted.

Now, I am tired. I don’t feel well. And I don’t have any more energy to devote to this. Please stop messaging me about this. This is more anxiety than I need right now and I don’t think we are going to agree. 

You can unfollow and think I am a horrible person if you wish. But we are actually on the same side on this. We just disagree on how the battle should be fought.