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kitthepurplepotato · 1 year ago

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Shenanigans 15

Chapter 15 / Last Resort

Summary: Katsuki goes through hell. Y/N’s heart breaks into tiny little pieces but does her best to help. Y/N decides she’s done pretending.

Warnings: Harmful thoughts, self-hatred, description of a person struggling with depression, ANGST. (Spoiler: the angst gets resolved by the end of this chapter!)

First Part Master List

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If you guys want background music, listen to this song on loop, the sound of it fits so perfectly in my opinion!

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*a few minutes earlier*

“Bakugou, we had no idea this guy is the same one from my country and I also insisted to come.”

She’s fucking done with me. I fucked up. Again. Why can’t I just fucking say “I was worried” like a normal person? I am a failure.

“Please, tell me what an asshole I am and how much you resent me! Fucking say it, I know you want to!”

Katsuki didn’t mean say that out loud. Why did he say that? Why is he so winded up over this?

Something feels wrong.

Well done, me. I yelled in her face again. All I want is to fucking hug her, why can’t I just reach over and do that? Why do I need to hurt her? Why can’t I be normal?

“Did he get you? Be honest with me.” Y/N asks, her eyes full of worry. Is he quirked? Or is he just mentally unstable as always? He has no idea.

“No he didn’t, calm the fuck down. I’m just freaked out.” He mutters and pushes himself away from the wall.

And now I lied to her face. This is so much more than a fucking freakout. I can’t breathe, Y/N. It hurts so much, everything, all over. Y/N, I think I’m broken. Something is wrong. Really, really wrong.

“You are staying at mine tonight. We don’t know if he’s after you or not.”

Why can’t I be honest? Why can’t I ask for help? Why do I need to be so fucking stubborn all the time? What happened to me that I ended up like this? How is anyone able to be in the same room as me if I treat them like that? I don’t fucking deserve her. I don’t deserve anyone. Their lives would me so much happier without me.

The car ride is silent… but not for Katsuki.

His mind wanders to places he never wanted to go to again.

His time in elementary school. His time in middle school.

Deku. I treated him like shit, I told him to die and I never even thought about the consequences. What a fucking great hero I am, bullying a poor quirkless kid, telling him to die just because I can blow up shit and he can’t.

But this isn’t the worst thing; the worst thing is that I wouldn’t be alive and I wouldn’t be the number two hero if it’s not for him. I don’t deserve to be on the top. I don’t deserve Izuku’s friendship, I never did. I still treat him like shit yet he calls me every week since we graduated and I always tell him to fuck off but he calls anyway.

Why does he even bother? I wanted him to die. I beat him to pulp. I broke him, I stepped on him, I am not a hero, I’m a fucking monster. That’s what I am.

“Shut up.” Katsuki murmurs into the silence.

“I didn’t say anything, are you okay?”

“I’m fine.” He answers but decides to take a deep breath and force himself to move towards Y/N. “I just…” he suddenly hugs her, his hands holding into the fabric of Y/N’s shirt, strong and desperate and the voices get a bit more quiet; he holds her like a life line and the voices die down completely; there is nothing but the sweet scent of her, the softness of the warm fabric under his palms, it fills the void in the blonde’s heart and he feels whole again. The effect doesn’t last very long as the car arrives in the car park of his flat, forcing the hero out of the embrace.

“Bakugou, if you are affected, you need to tell me.” Y/N looks deep into his eyes while Katsuki plops himself down on the sofa. He hates it.

“What, is it so weird I wanted to hug you after you almost fucking died?”

It is. It’s is fucking weird, because I’m an emotionless, rude fuck and I never show any signs of affection. Of course she’s confused by it. Of course she has no idea about my real feelings if I never show them. She probably thinks I despise her, because all I’ve done since we’ve met was talk shit. And now I’m forcing her to stay at my place, not even asking for her consent. I hugged her without asking as well. All I can do is take, take, take and never give anything back.

“No, sorry, I didn’t mean to hurt you with my words. I’m just worried, okay? You look really pale and your eyes aren’t focusing on anything, you just stare into space and it freaks me out.” Y/N looks like she’s about to cry and Katsuki hates it.

“You can leave if you want. I’m fine.”

Please, don’t leave. I can’t do this without you. I’m a fucking weakling. I’ve always has been.

“Are you even listening to me? There is no fucking way I’m leaving you right now. I know you are lying! It might not be the effect of the quirk but something is bothering you. Something is wrong, I can feel it. I want to be with you, even if you will hate me for it tomorrow.” Y/N cries, hiding her face with her arms.

She’s only here because she thinks I’m quirked. If I die, she won’t have a job. This is what I get for being an asshole. No one could love me the way I am.

“I won’t hate you tomorrow. I will never hate you, whatever you do.”

Katsuki can’t listen to the voices anymore; he snuggles close to Y/N, his head resting on her shoulder. He takes a deep breath and the voices die down again; everything will be fine. Deku and Todoroki are out on the field, looking for Anguish right now with the help of Y/N’s tracking. She was able to pinpoint the gang’s location on their way home and sent the details to them so even if he’s quirked, the guy will be behind bars by tomorrow and he’s sure someone will force the guy to null out the effects of his quirk on the people affected by it. He only needs to stay strong for a few more hours. He can do that. With Y/N by his side at least. As Y/N pulls him closer, her fingers slowly caressing his scalp, the hero sighs and hides his face in the crook of her neck, where he can smell Y/N’s perfume the most; he takes a deep breath and exhales slowly. Y/N tugs his hair aggressively, but instead of the pain, he concentrates on the feeling; the true emotions behind the movement, the desperate pull towards her body, the way she shivers when Katsuki’s lips touches her neck and leaves one tiny kiss there as a silent thank you. They don’t say a word for a while after that.

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You know.

You know and you have no idea what to do.

Saying it out loud, telling the blonde he is definitely quirked will only freak him out even more. He will try to run away, he will try to deal with this on his own which he definitely can’t do, seeing how he finds solace in physical touch which he usually despises.

While the blonde is busy taking deep breaths and snuggling closer you send a quick message to Kirishima to let him know what happened and to not call Katsuki for now. It’s really hard to concentrate when every single exhale makes you shiver, but this is not the time to think about this.

Y/N: Problems with Dynamight. Call ME with any info ASAP.

The message is rushed and there’s barely any information in it but hopefully, it will be enough to make Kirishima aware of the situation. You didn’t want to alert the blonde with typing out a long ass message.

Your phone rings right away so you put the phone between you two to listen to it together.

“Hey, Kirishima, you are speaker.” You tell him, just in case.

“Hey guys.” Kirishima’s voice is nothing like his usual, energetic one; he sounds tired and stuffy.

“Are you still crying?” Bakugou barks into the phone, sounding like his old self for the first time since the accident.

“No, I’m just a bit overwhelmed.” He laughs, but it sounds fake even to you.

“Why are you lying to me? Why is everyone lying to me right now? Why can’t you fuckers be honest with me? Is it because you think I’ll just make your shitty days even worse? Why…”

“Katsuki! Stop! You are speaking nonsense!” You take the blonde’s jaw into your hands.

“Don’t fucking call me that!” He yells, but his face says something different; his eyes are soft, begging you to say it again.

“Kirishima is probably really fucking done. I almost got killed and Deku is trying to find the cartel with the information I provided, together with Shouto, probably fighting for their lives to save the country right as we speak.” You murmur, caressing his cheeks with your thumb. You try to ignore the butterflies in your belly as the blonde looks up at you with puppy eyes, drinking your words like it’s the priciest nectar.

“The guy who got quirked…” Kirishima jumps in, not even trying to hide his crying voice anymore. You really want to teleport to him for a hug. “He’s here. He’s… not okay. I’ve never seen anything like this, Y/N…” Kirishima full on wails into the microphone, making your heart clench.

“Find his closest family member or a friend. Physical touch and reassuring words work as well. Hopefully, Deku will be able to give us some info about how to actually stop this.” You finish your sentence but Katsuki moves away from you with an offended look on his scrunched up face.

“That’s why you let me touch you? That’s why you let me so close? Because of the fucking quirk?! That’s what I am to you? A fucking nuisance?!” The blonde has another meltdown, yapping and screaming nonsense, making Kirishima cry even more on the other side of the phone.

“I let you touch me because I fucking like it, now stop fucking yelling because I can’t have this conversation with you while Deku is fighting for his fucking life!” You yell back, reducing the blonde to a stuttering, blushing mess. “Sorry for yelling… I’m just stressed.” You snuggle close to the blonde, letting him comfort you; he wasn’t far from the truth to be honest, you do let him get away with everything for the sake of his mental well-being but that doesn’t mean you wouldn’t let him do all of this anyway, but you can’t tell him that. Not here. Not now.

“Katsuki…” Kirishima speaks up, sniffling. “I’m sorry for everything. And thank you for being my best friend. You saved me from myself back in high school; the reason I am where I am is because you showed me the right path and you told me that I am good enough. Whatever is bothering you… it’s not real. You are enough for me, for Y/N… fuck, even Deku wouldn’t change a single thing about you. We love you, Katsuki. You are so manly and so kind.”

There are tears pooling in the blonde’s eyes but he shakes them away.

“Jesus, shitty hair, shut the hell up.” Katsuki sniffles and looks the other way. “I love you too, Eijirou. Now go back to work, you lazy fuck.”

Kirishima giggles on the other side of the line and everything goes silent; the only sound is coming from the bedroom, probably Steven knocking on the window to get some food.

“Can I say hi to Steven?” You look up at the blonde. Steven might help.

“If you wanted to take this to the bedroom you should’ve just said so.” He smirks but you only roll your eyes at the banter; on any other day it would reduce you to a stuttering mess, but you are way too stressed right now to even think about his implications.

“I would never use Steven to initiate an intercourse. I would also prefer him not watching.” You giggle as you make your way to the bedroom, pulling the blonde with you.

You play around with Steven for half an hour, actually managing to make Katsuki laugh when you pour some seeds into your palm and Steven eats them from your hands; Katsuki is so proud he even takes pictures of you while you laugh shyly when the camera is pointed at you. At one point, you steal the phone from the blonde and take a selfie; Steven decides to fly to Katsuki’s shoulders and it’s the cutest thing you’ve ever seen; at least until he shits all over Katsuki’s shirt.

While Katsuki takes a rapid shower, you get another phone call from Kirishima; the fight was almost impossible without being able to get close to Anguish, but a guy called Shinsou appeared on the battle scene and together they managed to take Anguish to custody; apparently, Anguish’s quirk can not be used on people with the same kind of power hence why he couldn’t do shit when Shinsou appeared behind him and pushed his ugly face into the ground. His last victim is still in the agency’s emergency room under a 24/7 supervision, surrounded by his friends and family. As Anguish wasn’t under drugs at the time he got quirked, the quirk shouldn’t be able to stick for longer than 24 hours.

“Tell him to come over, we can order pizza.” Katsuki yells from the shower and you don’t need to pass the message as it was loud enough for him to hear anyway. Kirishima agrees happily, saying he can’t stay for too long as technically he’s the only key holder in the office right now but as Katsuki’s place is almost a part of the office itself it won’t cause any trouble if he comes over for a few minutes.

After Katsuki is done with the bathroom, you also take a scorching hot shower to burn all your worries away. You finish in a few minutes so you can snuggle with the blonde in case he needs it.

Katsuki looks a bit sluggish, but much better otherwise; the exhaustion makes a person’s mind run slower so maybe the quirk also gets weaker as the person affected gets more and more tired as the night crawls closer.

This is amazing news, because it means it’s only the morning and the early afternoon you need to get through before you get the grumpy hero back. It will probably leave a scar on his soul as the memories will not fade away with the quirk being gone but with common sense he’ll be able to understand how harming and illogical his thoughts were. Bakugou Katsuki is a strong hero. He will get out of it.

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“Guys!” The crying redhead barges in, limbs flying in the air as he runs towards Katsuki.

I don’t deserve him. — Shut up.

“Calm down, you idiot, save your energy. You have a long night ahead.” Without a single thought behind his actions Katsuki hugs the shaking redhead; he can feel Eijirou tense in his sudden embrace, but he doesn’t care right now; he feels the urge to show weakness, to show these people his real feelings because…

Maybe, there isn’t a tomorrow anymore. There isn’t a next time. There is no future. I’m too weak, how am I supposed to stay like this for another 20 hours? No way. I can’t do this.

As the night came, the voices got less powerful; Katsuki hears them but his brain is too hazy and tired to fully understand them but he can feel that this isn’t the end; they will be back in full force, it’s only a matter of time.

Eijirou hugs him with all his power after getting out of his stupor, he snuggles close and weeps on his shoulder; on any other day, Katsuki would be disgusted by all the body liquids soaking through his shirt, but right now, it feels nice. It’s finally quiet again.

Katsuki knows he can’t stay like this for long without making it even more suspicious as it already is so he moves away reluctantly, shoving Eijirou’s body towards the sofa to sit down.

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The smell of the pizza is strong; he’s not really hungry but takes a piece anyway; he stares at his friends devouring the food like they haven’t eaten for a week while he wonders why he doesn’t feel the same way. He knows he’s hungry and tired but his mind just doesn’t care; Katsuki feels like a wounded animal close to death; he feels the urge to run away, to hide, to slowly starve to death in a random dark corner of an alley where finally the pain stops and there’s nothing but darkness and peace.

He looks at Y/N, at the way she smiles at Kirishima’s 100th apology, telling him it’s okay, and he realizes he likes that smile; maybe it’s the veggie pizza that makes her so happy so he takes a slice of Y/N’s box and tries it; it’s easier to eat, it’s lighter and more saucy. Y/N swaps the two boxes over and takes a slice of his spicy one without saying a word about it; Katsuki eats a few more slices as a silent thank you.

Y/N puts the leftovers into a box and puts them in the fridge for later and Katsuki wonders if he will be able to eat them or was this his last slice; if it was, was it good enough to be his last meal? Probably not. But at least it was Y/N’s choice, so there’ll be a part of her with Katsuki forever.

Kirishima says goodbye, hugs the both of them before leaving; Katsuki grabs his shoulders, not wanting to let go of his best friend, of his companion of more than ten years; he wants to see him smile again, he wants to see him hyper and preppy as he comes into work at 7AM with the sweetest, most disgusting coffee in his hands.

He’ll be fine without me. I’m just making his work more complicated anyway. He deserves a better best friend.

When the door closes, Y/N takes his hand wordlessly; maybe staring at the door for almost a whole minute without saying anything made his thoughts too obvious. Katsuki doesn’t say anything he just lets himself be pulled into the bathroom to brush his teeth then to the bed; Y/N snuggles into his naked chest like it’s an everyday thing for them and Katsuki doesn’t argue. Not today.

The thoughts go away and he can breath again; as Y/N draws random shapes on his chest, leaving goosebumps on his skin with every stroke, Katsuki wonders how bad would it be to kiss her good night. He wonders so long her hands stop moving as she falls into a deep slumber after an eventful day, so Katsuki decides it doesn’t really matter anymore; he rolls to his side and leaves a tiny hint of a kiss on Y/N’s parted lips as he snuggles closer, chasing the warmth of her body in the middle of the cold night.

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When you wake up the next day, you find the other side of the bed empty and cold. Every single part of you trembles as a terrible feeling runs through you; there is no sound coming from the living room or the kitchen, there is no one on the balcony, only Steven running back and forth on the balustrade. As you jump out of the bed your eyes focus on a piece of paper on the nightstand; you are on the phone with Kirishima before you even get to the note.

“Take care of Kirishima and Steven. I’m sorry for everything. Everything will be okay. K.”

“He left a fucking goodbye note, Ei.” You burst into tears as your knees hit the floor, probably leaving a nasty bruise on both of them. “His phone is here. We can’t even call him…”

“Y/N, calm down, put some clothes on and come to the agency. I’ll ask the guys to check the CCTV to see if he went out or he’s still in the building. We will find him.” Kirishima sniffles, his voice deep and tired after sleeping on his office sofa. You end the call and do as you were told; in only 3 minutes you are in the CCTV room, looking at Katsuki’s disheveled figure moving around the hallway before taking a sudden turn towards the roof.

“Fuck!” Kirishima screams, moving towards the exit without hesitation. “You go up, I go down!”

“Why me..?” You ask with a confused frown on your face, but you move towards the emergency stairs anyway.

“Because he’s in love with you and this is the perfect time for you to tell him you feel the same.” Eijirou smiles and runs out of the main door.

Well, that’s definitely not what you expected, but even if he’s wrong, the shock might null the quirk, and a heartbreak is nothing compared to losing a person.

“You can fucking do this, Y/N. You can fucking do this.” You open the fire door leading to the massive roof as you activate an advanced smelling quirk to look for the caramel-scented blonde.

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“Why don’t you take a swan dive of the roof yourself, Kacchan?”

Katsuki is not inside his body, he’s somewhere else completely; there is a river underneath but the whole scene doesn’t make any sense; why is there a tall building right in front of a river? Bakugou knows this river, it’s a river near his childhood home and he’s quite sure no one has built a massive building in the middle of that forest.

“What are you waiting for, Kacchan?” Baby Deku mumbles with a broken smile on his tiny, chubby face. “You hurt me, you hurt Y/N, you hurt Kirishima; you hurt everyone one you love. You an incapable of anything but destruction, no one will mind if you end it, you know. I might be quirkless and useless for the society but I’m still so much better than you.”

“SHUT UP!”

“Katsuki!!”

The world tilts again and Deku disappears, his place taken by his mother who’s looking at him with pure disgust.

“I can’t believe I could only have one son and it had to be you. What an utter disappointment.”

“Mom… please…” Katsuki pleads, but he just gets shoved away.

“Stay the fuck away from me, Bakugou.” His mother’s face contorts then disappears and there’s Kirishima in front of him, looking at him the way you look at the vomit on the sidewalk on your way to work. “I wasted so much time to try to understand you, I gave you so many chances to redeem yourself but you just fucked up over and over again. I can’t do this anymore. I despise you.”

“Katsuki, please, snap out of it, I can’t get into your head to stop this, you need to come back to me! Please, come back to me!” Someone mumbles in the background but he can’t hear it too well.

“Kacchan, why do you still breathe?”

“I can’t believe I had to put up with you for years. You ended my career, you killed the symbol of peace. I’d still be able to fight if it’s not for you… it’s all your fault.” All Might steps right on Katsuki’s back as Katsuki tries his best not to throw up. He can barely breathe anymore.

“This is not real. I know it’s not. Stop it!” The blonde yells, but All Might changes into someone else; and this is the last straw for Katsuki. He can’t do this… he can’t…

“You fucking wish, you waste of space.” Y/N pushes him down the floor with one swift move. “What are you even fighting for? No one will ever love you, at least, I certainly won’t. I wouldn't even touch you with a ten-foot pole.” Katsuki can’t help the tears pooling in his eyes after hearing those words; he looks up from the floor, he tries his best to see the difference between this version of Y/N and the real one but there isn’t any. “What are you crying about? Are you in love with me or something?”

“Y/N… please, don’t leave me I can’t… I can’t do this anymore… not you… I can’t loose you.” He mumbles but Y/N just looks at him with pure disgust.

“Katsuki, you absolute son of a bitch!”

A sudden slap makes the blonde fall; right off the building, right towards the hard concrete, but something is off; something soft touches Katsuki’s lips and the time freezes; the background distorts then changes into something else; into a small room full of cleaning supplies. Katsuki has the urge to look around but there is something in the way; or rather someone, right in front of him, kissing him fiercely while their tears fall to Katsuki’s cheeks as her lips keep moving against him. It only takes him one deep breath to know who is the person in front of him, and there is only one way this is happening…

“Did I die?” Katsuki moves away from the kiss to look into Y/N’s eyes for one last time.

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“Did I die?”

“You fucker, I thought you were a goner!” You jump into Katsuki’s arms when he speaks up for the first time; when you found him in the shed on the top of the roof he was white as a sheet, mumbling to himself, not aware of anything, he was just staring into the space like he’s possessed and it was scariest shit you’ve ever seen in your life. After the words didn’t get him out of his stupor you tried everything; you poked him, hugged him, kissed him on his forehead while mumbling but nothing helped… the last straw was when he mumbled your name, begging you not to leave him; that’s when you slapped the poor guy in the face as hard as you could and then kissed him senseless. “You are alive. And the quirk should be gone I think. What do you think?” You mumble awkwardly, straddling the blonde’s thighs shamelessly. You literally kissed him without his consent, this is nothing compared to that.

“I think my thoughts are back to normal. I’m just really dizzy. And also a little bit confused.” He confesses. “You know, I was being told off by everyone I love, then suddenly, someone slapped me in the face and while my memories are quite hazy I’m quite sure someone also kissed me. What a weird dream that was.” The blonde grins with a tear-stained face and pulls you closer.

“The kiss part… was that a good dream or a bad dream?” You ask shyly, hiding your face in the crook of his neck.

“Hmm… well, I’m quite sure you had a morning breath, but otherwise, it was a nice dream.” The blonde grins again, even though you can’t see it. You can’t help but yelp at being called out for it; not like you had fucking time to brush your teeth before sprinting out of the building.

“You are such a shithead, Katsuki!” You poke the blonde between his ribs but you do not move away.

“Yeah, I am.” He sighs, snaking his arms around you as you melt into his touch; he’s back and you’ll never let him wonder away from you ever again.

…. Next Chapter (The End)

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Potato ramble:

- Wow, that was intense. I’m not going to lie this chapter fucked me up a tiny bit as I kinda used my own memories from a few years ago to write this, so I hope it’s readable. I went to a dark place for it 😂 Funnily enough the pizza bit is the part that gets me for a weird reason, it’s probably because that’s when Katsuki gave up fighting against the whole quirk and realized how much he fucking want to live at the same time. It scares the shit out of me to be honest.

- Btw what do you guys think about a Kirishima spin-off where Kiri falls in love with the barista who makes his beloved coffee every day?! WHAT ABOUT THAT?!

- Not much left from season 1 😭 It breaks my heart but I’m really excited to see these two as a “couple”! I have a feeling they have zero idea what the fuck they’re doing and it’s gonna be hilarious.

- I hope you guys are okay! Don’t forget, you are never alone and there is always something to look forward to even if you can’t see it yet ! 🩷

Likes, reblogs and comments are always appreciated! 💥

Taglist (S1): @ibkg @chuugarettes @lilmaimai @nonomesupposedto @sozainturpal @luleck @notplutos @gold24fish @hanatsuki-hime

SEASON TWO: @iwannahaveaprettyaesthetic @hanatsuki-hime @sky179ler

Don’t forget, if you wanna keep being on the taglist for S2, send me a comment, ask, message or a pigeon.

#mha x reader #bnha x reader #bakugou katsuki x reader #bakugou x reader #bakugo katsuki x reader #bakugou x self insert #bakugo x you #shenanigansbypurplepotato #bakugo x reader #bakugou katsuki #pro hero dynamight #Spotify

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razz-is-queer · 2 months ago

Text

long poem about face ID and being trans:

my phone doesn’t recognize my face anymore

i mean, i set up the face id a year ago but it has worked fine until yesterday

i don’t look significantly different

my hair’s barely changed

neither has my face

but my phone didn’t recognize me

glasses on or off, hair in different places, different angles

nothing worked

my phone doesn’t see me anymore

i don’t know if i see me anymore

a husk of a being

an empty house looking for a resident

ancient, rotting, covered in mold

a face unfamiliar to me

empty eyes, dark spots, hair, nothing seems right

but this is me

i am me

i will always be me

even when i don’t think im me, i am

even when i wish i was someone different, i am and will still always be me

this is how being trans affects me

i barely recognize myself anymore

i see warped features, a different person

is it selfish that i am happier this way?

that i’m “letting down” my parents?

that i am making the decisions that are worsening my mental health because i think ill feel better as this gender than i do as that gender?

is it selfish that i think i look better in clothes made for someone without a penis?

do i find joy in fighting with my parents over hormones or “god”?

did i really just write a whole poem about my fucking phone showing me how different i am now than i was a year ago?

yes

yes i did

sometimes i need to sit and write to deal with my emotions

and sometimes what i write comes out in strange metaphors

sometimes when i feel like everything’s crashing down around me i just need to write

writing lets me express myself in ways i couldn’t otherwise

without writing, who would i be?

a husk?

an empty house?

i’d just be me

i’d be the me that my phone does actually recognize

i’d be the me that was still a boy

i’d be the me that never had to go through any of this bullshit

i’d be the me that was really happy

but i’m not that

i’m the me that has mental issues and is trans and is fighting with her parents and is inadequate and unfit for college or life

i’m the me that can’t even write a fucking college essay out of fear of rejection

i’m the me that doesn’t explicitly want to die, but wouldn’t be opposed or mad if it happened

i’m me

flaws an all

and that’s how i have to live

that’s how i need to learn how to live

so i’ll update my phone’s face id

because i am me

#og #poetry #trans #transfem

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cerysdelaney · 1 year ago

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Ever meet someone whose life would be so much better if they just let go of the gender roles holding them back?

I just had lunch with a friend who, for the last five years, has been in the same place: boyfriend she loves. He hasn’t asked her to marry him. She wants marriage, kids, the whole thing - can’t ask cause she’s the woman 🤨

So she’s now 8 years with this guy. And living in what I’m seeing as a self-imposed stagnation because he won’t ask…

How much of your life are you willing to put on hold for someone else to maybe do something?

If he’s known for the last 5 years of this relationship that marriage is wanted and he’s not giving it - maybe he can’t. Why won’t he? She won’t ask. 5 years of not asking? This lack of communication is a red flag, and I *know* having a conversation that could potentially end something you’ve been a part of for 8 years isn’t easy… but she’s not getting happier… what do you get in the end of this that isn’t regret?

Why would you let one person decide your happiness? Write your story? As a woman will you just wait until a man takes the lead? Your wants and desires on the back burner until he decides? If he decides.

I find that hard to accept. 3 years in a relationship with my boyfriend, I asked him to marry me and he said yes. 6 months later we were married. 12 years together now.

And you know, I was shaking asking him. We’d been living together for two years at this point, but let’s be real - there’s a difference from living together and formally making a commitment together (however that commitment is done. Marriage is just one way. I wanted -and had the option available - a legal commitment with tax breaks and what not.) But that’s what I wanted and if he didn’t want that too after 3 years together, then we weren’t compatible enough for a commitment. Because, honestly, I knew after 2 years - but it took me a year to get the courage to ask because I knew he was fine where we were at. He was comfortable just being with me, but I… I wanted more. And since I’m the one who wanted to take us to another level of commitment, I asked.

And he said yes. Because it was important to me, and it still meant he could be by my side, which is what he wanted. Match.

(What if he’d said no?!? Then we weren’t a match. My courage to ask was my declaration to move forward on a path I wanted to go. If he had said no without a timeline of his own to present as an alternative, how long would I wait at that intersection? If he didn’t want to be tied to me in marriage, why would I tie my path to him and sit where I didn’t want to be?)

I’ve had more than one woman in my life say they could never ask. Or some men would feel emasculated by the woman asking… I am so glad my husband doesn’t gauge his masculinity on how dependent his wife is of his decisions. In fact, I don’t think he ever measures his masculinity at all. What does that even really mean? He cooks. He cleans. He’s a stay at home dad. He’s 6’2”, extremely hirsute (a word he taught me - fucking love a human with a vocabulary). He has a dick so large he can readjust my insides any time he wants to - which isn’t often since he’s ace, but that’s okay 😊

We’re partners. We want to grow together and support each other. What does it matter who proposes? The point is the conversation is started and we moved forward. Gender roles be damned. We set our own roles in our house.

#cerys talks #gender roles #marriage #proposals #have conversations when the topic is important to you #everyone’s timeline is different but not giving an answer and stringing you along is not healthy #be the main character in your story

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mental-health-advice · 11 months ago

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I don't really know how to start this off, but here I go; I'm kind of stuck in a situation where I don't know what to do. A while ago, me (15) and my cousin (14) were discussing how our lives were going and how we both have had thoughts of suicide. This led to her showing me a scar on her wrist (that she had cut). Now, as much as I'd thought about it, I have never cut myself before so I was somewhat in shock when I saw it, especially since she's younger than me. She told me why (her mom had almost hit her, and they get in fights a lot, plus some other stuff), and then said that now she is going to therapy with her mom. Personally, I wouldn't want anyone to tell my parents about my depression, but I've started getting worried for her recently. Before the school year began, one of my peers committed suicide and made me realize just how real my depression, and other people's depression is. I am scared that she might kill herself and I don't know what to do. I'm also scared that if I were to tell someone, she would hate me. I really don't know if I should tell an adult or leave it be and hope therapy helps her.

Hey there,

It’s not unusual for people to think about suicide at some point in their lives and it sounds as though your cousin got some comfort in knowing that she wasn’t the only way who had felt that way which may have made her at ease enough to let you in on that she had self-harmed in the past. It can be quite a shock when one hears of another person’s self-harm and especially if they do not know much about it. It’s important to recognise though that even though someone may self-harm it does not mean they want to commit suicide, but rather they find a release in self-harming and it’s a coping strategy for them. For some information on self-harm please do check out our page on it here.

With saying all of this though, your concerns are valid and especially if you have seen changes in your cousin that is atypical to how she normally is. For example, has her mood suddenly changed and she seems happier than normal and out of nowhere, or has she recently been talking about suicide or wanting to end her life. Things like this can signal that things aren’t so great and this is when I personally would reach out to an adult that I both trusted and felt comfortable in confiding in. And yes, your cousin may ‘hate’ you at first but in time she will see that you have her best interests at heart and you just want to make sure she is safe and OK and getting the help and support that she may be needing. It’s so great that she is currently in therapy with her Mum, but sometimes one-on-one counselling can be of more benefit and especially if your cousin is really struggling as she may find she is able to talk a bit more freely without her Mum present. I am not saying that therapy with parents doesn’t have its value, but it just depends on what your cousin is needing most at the moment and how others can best support her at this time.

I am so sorry to hear that you lost one of your peers to suicide earlier on in the school year. How have you been managing this grief? It is never easy when we lose someone to suicide and it can bring up a whole lot of emotions and concerns for others who may be at risk. It’s important to realise though that everyone’s situation is different and whilst it’s healthy to some degree to worry about others you care about, you have to make sure that you also look after yourself and your own mental health as well.

I really hope that this has helped a bit and please do let us know if we can help to support you in any other way!

I’m thinking of you and hope that you are going well!

Take care,

Lauren

#mha-lauren #advice #advice blog #mental health advice #anonymous #self-harm #suicide

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hotliljewishgirl · 2 years ago

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Post-Jangle Ball Ramblings

I saw JB in Philly last night and it left me genuinely speechless. It was my first time ever seeing them live after ten years of obsessing over their content from afar, and it was everything I could have asked for or dreamed of. I HIGHLY encourage anyone who’s on the fence to get tickets. You won’t regret it.

Starkid means so much to me. I cannot begin to list all the ways they’ve helped me and changed me, and last night represented the fulfillment of a dream I’ve had since I was nine years old. I won’t get too corny here, mostly because nothing I could say would do justice to how much I love these artists and this community, but I wanted to say – thank you to everyone who made the past ten years of being a Starkid fan so special.

Bear with me here, because I have a lot of Feelings. Be aware this post does contain spoilers for Jangle Ball. Without further ado, my thoughts:

We been knew, but everyone is SO talented and seeing them perform was a magical, life-changing, incredible, unforgettable experience.

Also everyone looked ridiculously good and I am not ok. The variation in outfits was hilarious though. I’m not sure what they were told to wear, but it ranged from Lauren in a very sexy sheer top to Jamie in a festive red dress to Dylan just chilling in flannel. None of them looked like they were going to the same event and I loved it.

Janaya’s Stutter was iconic and I want to listen to it on repeat. Lauren’s background dancing was equally amazing despite the fact it induced a severe state of gay panic.

I wish we got more Show Stopping Number from Joey and James. I wasn’t sure anyone other than R*bert would be able to pull off that song and I’ve never been happier to be wrong. I actually think either of them would make a great Hidgens if Nick doesn’t want to take on the role.

Dylan blew me away. I knew he talented but tbh he completely stole the show in the first act with the Twisted numbers. Not only does he have an incredible voice, but his stage presence is ridiculous (and I made eye contact with him briefly. My life is complete. Now I can finally lay down and die.)

I loved the Status Quo parody and I was so glad to see JOEY perform it again (no shade to Alex and Mariah but they just can’t compare to the OG). I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again – if they pulled a Taylor Swift and re-recorded all their old cast albums I would literally give them all my money. I love the old songs and it was so special to see them performed.

Queen B…I think I briefly blacked out. I honestly don’t listen to that song much because I’m not really one for rap, but I might start now. Lauren killed it. My favorite thing about her as a performer is how versatile she is. Not every one can pull off a number like that, but she did it effortlessly. I was equal parts terrified and aroused, which is exactly what that song should do. Shout out to Brian and James dancing backup. The dancing in this show truly blew me away. I was not expecting that many choreographed numbers given how little they rehearsed, and I’m so glad (and impressed) that they managed to do it. It just brought the energy up and was so fun to watch.

A lil nitpick: I get that Cup of Roasted Coffee, Stutter, Show Stopping Number, and the Wiggly Jingle are technically villain songs but they don’t really give that energy? And Deck the Halls, We Got Work to Do, Climate Change, and Status Quo are straight up not villain songs. I liked the whole “ the villain is capitalism” angle but tbh when I heard they were performing villain songs I was expecting like…Wagon on Fire. Rogues Medley. Kick It Up a Notch. The classic Starkid villain songs, you know? I LOVED the set list as it was and I wouldn’t trade it for anything but I think there was a tiny flaw in marketing. And now I’ll get off my soapbox.

I try to keep my Richpez shipping off this blog but holy shit, I need to freak out for a minute. In person or through a screen, their love, pride, affection for each other is palpable. They way Lauren looks at Joey while he’s performing, the casual touches, the way he kept trying to make her break on stage…it brought tears to my eyes. And that’s not even touching on Priceless. Seeing them dancing together and holding each other like that in front of hundreds of people broke me. I’m so happy for them, not only that they have each other but also that they feel comfortable sharing it with us. The same goes for Breredith (the kiss in Final Ghost was both completely unnecessary and a fantastic addition)

I would be remiss if I didn’t mention the band. The music was on point. I don’t know if they wrote new arrangements for the tour, but I did notice it was very “beat-heavy” (is that a thing??) which made it very fun and easy to dance along – perfect for a concert. Also, AJ’s number was fucking incredible and I’m so glad I got to see him sing. It literally gave me AVPSY flashbacks. He’s only gotten more talented since then. I wish we could see him in more Starkid shows. Lastly, I will never stop thanking Clark for writing VHSCC. It’s a energetic, touching, unique take on a familiar story and by far my favorite adaptation of CC. I want him to write more music for Starkid shows.

Thanks for reading my stream of consciousness if you’ve gotten this far. I’m going to post another one for act two (because otherwise this post is going to be way too long).

#jangle ball #Starkid #VHSCC #jangle ball Philly #richpez #breredith #jangle ball spoilers

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murdrdocs · 2 years ago

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hey hi<3 could you do a poly mileven x reader scenarios for like holidays please love?

i’m ngl i saw this and my brain went “christmas” but i’m pretty sure you mean like vacations, yeah? (also this was worded so politely yes ofc i can do that <33)

: ̗̀➛ on vacation, i am a firm believer that you three travel together

: ̗̀➛ the wheelers have a vacation, mike is asking to bring “friends”

: ̗̀➛ byers vacation, jane is shyly asking joyce if her boyfriend and girlfriend can come too

: ̗̀➛ your family has a vacay, there’s no way you’re going without mike and jane

: ̗̀➛ on vacation, when you’re not with your families, it’s a whole lot easier to just be regular teenagers in love

: ̗̀➛ jane was wary of doing things like holding hands with you two in public at first, but then you and mike told her that you’ll never see the people that you see on vacation ever again so they can only judge you for a short amount of time

: ̗̀➛ she instantly became happier and more cheerful

: ̗̀➛ cue cliche teenagers in love while on vacation things

: ̗̀➛ trying to convince the parents to let you three share a room but they’ll only let you and jane share so mike has to sneak in there at night and sneak out in the morning

: ̗̀➛ if there’s two beds, for the first day or so you three were all squeezing into one bed until you all just pushed the two together and made a mega bed

: ̗̀➛ if there’s a beach involved, mike is one to get in the water and jane is easily convinced to join him

: ̗̀➛ if you’re not a water person they surprise attack you (sorry!)

: ̗̀➛ mike (being a boy who gets absolutely no puss) loses his mind when he sees his girls at the beach/pool

: ̗̀➛ bikinis, skin glistening from sunscreen, come onnn he absolutely loses his shit

: ̗̀➛ jane looks absolutely beautiful at the beach. her skin tanning, freckles coming out along her cheeks, her brown hair pulled back and blowing in the wind, and a permanent smile on her face

: ̗̀➛ you and mike absolutely smother her in kisses and compliments

: ̗̀➛ the beach doesn’t do mike so well ,,, look at how pale he is

: ̗̀➛ jane’s favorite part about any vacation is shopping

: ̗̀➛ you and her trying on so much shit only to leave wherever you’re shopping with just one bag

: ̗̀➛ mike was not fond to shopping sprees but then he started to like being someone that you two can show your little outfits too

: ̗̀➛ (he also likes when you three all squeeze into a little fitting room, kissing and giggling like teenagers are supposed to)

: ̗̀➛ mike also prides himself on saving for a while so that he can buy souvenirs for you and jane

: ̗̀➛ you three going on vacation together eventually becomes a big thing to the point where all three of your families just do group vacations now

: ̗̀➛ it’s like y’all’s little tradition <3

#the southern came out at the end der #hopefully i did this justice #(if i didn’t feel free to scold me in my ask box)#jane hopper #mike wheeler #eleven #jane hopper x reader #mike wheeler x reader #stranger things #.tenfour #celeste writes st #jane hopper x you #mike wheeler x you #poly!mileven #milevensworld!

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kalinara · 2 years ago

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Yesterday, a post came across my dash that utterly boggled me, so much, that I had to take a whole day to process the ridiculousness of the argument. But now I have, and in the interest of not leaping on someone else’s post to tell them how capital letter WRONG they are, I decided to make this not so vague post.

So the post was primarily about Anakin, and whether or not he’d have stayed in the Order if he hadn’t Fallen. This person said no, and I’m inclined to agree with that. I think, and this is NOT intended as a critique on the Jedi Order, that Anakin, due to his trauma and temperament, had never been suited to the particular environment or sacrifices required to be a Jedi of the pre-Empire era.

This isn’t actually a critique on Anakin either. Not everyone is suited to life in the priesthood. It is what it is.

But the part that utterly boggled me was that this post then turned into a rant about how the fans who bought into the idea that the Jedi Order were a “found family” were wrong, because you can’t possibly have a “found family” with infants who never chose to be taken away from their parents.

And...WHAT?

Okay, if we’re going to focus on semantics, as I am generally wont to do, then yes, I don’t think the Jedi are a “found” family, because that usually implies people who seek out one another purposefully.

But they’re still a FAMILY.

First of all, let’s hit the elephant in the room. This argument doesn’t explicitly call the Jedi kidnappers, but the implication is there. But as we’ve seen MANY TIMES OVER, the Jedi of the Pre-Empire Republic did not steal children. They always asked for consent. The parents, when there were parents, agreed.

Now, we can raise some ethical questions about the general Republic society: did parents agree because they thought it would give their child a better life? Was there a way that a better life could be provided for a child without separation from parents? Is separation of parents TRULY necessary in every case?

These are issues worth discussing in fiction as they also reflect on the real world. But at the same time, it doesn’t make the Jedi bad people, just because the general system is flawed. (If participating in a flawed system makes people evil, then there’s no such thing as a good American, I’ll admit that now.)

And the idea that people can’t be a family because they’re not with their biological family is the antithesis of Star Wars, particularly in the modern era. Anakin never consented to lose his children, and that’s tragic but necessary given what he became, and Luke and Leia never consented to their adoption, but that doesn’t mean that we haven’t seen how much and deeply Leia is loved by Bail and Breha.

Hell, we saw Owen Lars, ordinary farmer whose only claim to significance was a step-brother he met as an adult, stare down a fucking Inquisitor for Luke and Obi-Wan.

And then there’s Din fucking Djarin. You really want to make that argument here?

And even, EVEN, if we buy the idea that the Jedi Order are cruel and evil to take kids from their parents, this doesn’t negate the feelings of the CHILDREN. Obi-Wan Kenobi loved Qui-Gon Jinn like a father. Ahsoka loved Anakin like a brother. And we’re getting a whole fucking show about Anakin and Obi-Wan’s deep love for one another, and the tragedy of how it’s been twisted.

These Jedi grew up in a creche TOGETHER. Reva didn’t just watch her friends die, they were her brothers and sisters. And even if Anakin’s later recruitment may have altered the way he perceived the order as a whole, that doesn’t mean that the family feelings don’t exist.

Would Anakin have left the Order? Maybe? I kind of hope so. I think he’d have been much happier as Padme’s consort. Would they have allowed their children to be trained as Jedi? Eh, not under the old system, I’d suspect. But we know from supplemental material that eventually Luke will have a system where his students are permitted contact with their families. A boarding school rather than a monastery. I could imagine that Anakin and Padme might embrace the idea of a similar system, one that can exist alongside, as an alternative, to the stricter Jedi Order.

But I really am tired of seeing people demonize the Jedi Order for what it is. Perfect no, but they’re PEOPLE and they loved deeply, and they didn’t deserve what happened to them.

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the-bau-quinjet · 4 years ago

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Seven Drinks

Bucky x f!reader

Summary: There's a reason Y/N has never had more than 3 drinks around the other avengers, and they're about to find out.

Warnings: depression, thoughts of suicide, panic attacks, angst (don't worry there's fluff too)

Word Count: 4322

a/n: This is inspired by that episode of Brooklyn 99 with 6 drink Amy (I adopted that concept!) and also Halsey's album Manic. :) I hope you like it. Anything in bold is a lyric from one of the songs on the album!

Please let me know if I messed up the trigger warning tags! I've never written anything like this before, so I just want to make sure I do it right.

Masterlist

"We're having a party tonight." Tony's announcement was met with the usual groans of annoyance at having to schmooze with the typical socialites that attended Tony's party. "You know, you are so ungrateful sometimes. here I am trying to throw you a party, and you're complaining!"

"Tony, we all appreciate the effort you go to, but- at least speaking for me- I don't like people." Y/N's response was effortless, swiftly calming Tony and explaining the reactions.

"That is why-" Tony stuttered when he actually registered the words you said. "That doesn't sound like you at all. And besides, this is a party for just us. It'll be more like team building, but without any pre-planned activities. No "smarmy, rich people" to deal with." He directed his last sentence at Bucky, Steve, and Sam.

The team actually seemed excited at the prospect, albeit skeptical of Tony's motivations.

Unsurprisingly, Nat worked up the courage to question him on it first, "what's the catch?"

"No catch. Just friends, food, and lots of alcohol." His grin quickly shifted into a smirk as the entire room turned to look at you.

You groaned slightly, not wanting all the attention. "Look, there is a reason I cap myself at 3 drinks." Holding up one finger, you started to explain, "One drink Y/N is barely any different from my sober self."

Wanda quickly cut you off, "not true! You get louder." She smirked, happy to have added that tidbit of information.

"Fine." With a laugh, you admitted she was right. "I might get the tiniest bit louder." You held up a second finger to continue your explanation, but were once again cut off.

"It's not a bad thing. It's just your happy, bubbly, and slightly louder than normal personality shining through!" Nat added, seeing an opportunity to tease you for being so positive all the time.

"Thanks Nat. Anyway," emphasizing the rudeness of being interrupted twice, you continued, "two drink Y/N is more touchy feely than normal. Not in a creepy way though!"

"I love two drink Y/N. She gives the best hugs!" Thor eagerly added to the conversation, glad to have dropped by when he did.

"Thanks Thor." With a small smile in his direction, you held up a third finger. "Three drink Y/N is the perfect amount of just past tipsy to have fun without doing anything extremely embarrassing. It makes the most sense to stop there." You finished her little speech with your typical smile and a resolute nod of your head.

"Seriously, you need to relax. Just let loose this one time!" Sam tried to encourage you. With the eyes of nearly every avenger set on you, your resolve didn't last very long.

"Fine! Maybe I'll have a fourth drink." You were met with cheers as you rose from your spot on the couch, trying to prepare for the night that was to come.

As soon as you stepped off the elevator, you had a drink in your hand. Clearly your friends were going to make sure you got a fourth drink. even Steve seemed excited when he saw you, although his golden boy personality didn't disappear completely.

"You sure about this? I don't want you to feel pressured!" Bucky nodded, weirdly enthusiastically, before adding, "Yeah doll, don't drink more than you want to."

"You two are too sweet. Sam's right, but don't tell him I said that." You winked at the two super soldiers, emphasizing the joke. "I should let myself relax sometimes. I'm in a safe place, with friends who won't let anything happen to me. What could a few more drinks really do?" You couldn't help but smile at how true that was. You were surrounded by people who care about you.

"Oh, so now it's a few more drinks? What are we talking here, six drink Y/N? Seven?" Bucky teased.

"You'll have to wait and see, Ducky." You teased right back, knowing how flustered he got at the pet name. Steve laughed at his friend as you walked away, ready for your second drink.

Before long, you had your fourth drink in your hand. It was slightly odd how literally everyone was staring at you, but your were three drink Y/N at the time, so you were drunk enough not to care.

You downed the fourth drink, unprepared for the consequences.

"So, Y/N... how do you feel?" Clint braved the waters, everyone eagerly awaiting your reaction.

"That is so nice of you to ask! I feel great! I don't think I've ever been this happy." You jumped up and down, hugging Clint with a huge smile on your face.

"How did you get even happier?" Tony chuckled, shaking his head slightly.

"Do you not like it?" Like a switch had been flipped, you were nearly crying.

"What?! No!" Tony was so taken aback at the tears pooling in your eyes, he froze, unsure how to fix it. He looked around the room for help, but everyone else was just as shocked as him.

"I'll fix it!" You were at the bar, fixing another drink before anyone fully comprehended your mood swing.

You walked back up to the group, sipping from your fifth drink as if nothing happened. "What?" You questioned the odd looks, but before receiving an answer you squealed, again jumping up and down. "Let's dance!" You turned around, ready to move to the more open area before looking back over your shoulder, "Wanda! Nat! Pepper! Come on!"

The women shared a look, ultimately shrugging before joining you on the makeshift dance floor.

"Bucky, you've been staring at her for 20 straight minutes. When are you finally gonna talk to her?" Steve couldn't help but pester him about his feelings.

"I can't help it. I've never seen her dance so much. I mean, I know she's always happy, but this is a whole new level." He didn't take his eyes off of you, even when he was responding. "I can't tell her tonight, though. This is the most she's had to drink in years."

He watched as you moved back over to the bar, needing another drink after dancing so much.

"Here we go, six drink Y/N." Bucky gestured to the bar. Steve shook his head, but allowed the change of topic.

About five minutes after your sixth drink, you were somehow bounding around with even more energy. You were nearly running around the room, trying to talk to everyone at once.

"Ducky! Have I ever told you I took gymnastics lessons for 7 years when I was younger?" You were bouncing with pent up energy, excited to be sharing more information about yourself.

"No, you've actually never mentioned that." He smiled, enraptured by your childlike enthusiasm, so enraptured that he didn't notice the mischief in your eyes.

"Well, I did! Watch this." You handed a confused Bucky your now empty glass, turning and throwing your arms up. Bucky realized two late what was happening, and with both yours and his glasses in his hands, he couldn't physically stop you.

"Y/N, wait!" His shout had everyone turn and look as you flawlessly executed two cartwheels in a row.

Bucky would swear your smile got even bigger as you turned around to look at him again.

"Normally I can do more, but" you hiccuped, then lowered your voice to a really terrible whisper, "I'm a little drunk." You leaned into him, laughing as if you just told a joke.

Wanda walked up to you with a seventh drink, hoping seven drink Y/N had a little less energy, but happy to see you having so much fun. "Here ya go! One more of your favorites, just like you asked."

"Thank youuuuuu!" You shifted to hug Wanda, leaving Bucky to miss your added warmth.

You sipped your seventh drink slower than the rest, quickly running out of energy. Sliding the empty glass across the bar, you slipped out of the party unnoticed, making your way to the kitchen for some pickles- your favorite drunk food.

Your seventh drink hit you just after you opened the pickles. Gone was the happy, bubbly persona you showed the world. The mask slipped away, leaving you alone to contemplate your life choices.

You made your way to to the lounge just outside of the kitchen, choosing to lay on the floor behind the couch and stare out of the large floor to ceiling windows.

"Where's Y/N?" Bucky glanced around the room, an uneasy feeling in his stomach.

"Huh? Oh, she said she wanted a snack." A very drunk Wanda turned to look at where the food was set up, scrunching her face in confusion when she couldn't find you. "Weird. Maybe she went to the bathroom?"

Bucky, having noticed your absence 8 minutes ago, didn't think you left for a bathroom break. "Maybe." Plus, you always took the girls to the bathroom with you. His eyes flitted about the room, taking one more glance before deciding to go look for you.

He decided to head for the kitchen since Wanda said you wanted a snack. He laughed at the open jar of pickles, knowing you at least passed through this room. He put the pickles away before popping his head into the lounge area.

"Y/N?" He called out, figuring this was the most likely location for you to end up.

You hummed in response, not moving from your spot on the floor. Bucky walked further into the room, slightly confused as to why he could hear you but not see you. That is, until he realized you were laying on the floor behind the couch.

"Why are you on the floor?" He smiled when he found you.

"I'm just looking at the sky." Your voice held a melancholy air as it floated through the room. Bucky's smile faltered, not used to hearing you sad. In the three years he's known you, he's only ever seen you sad because of a movie or tv show. Otherwise, you were quite literally always happy.

"Why-" he faltered, unsure how to check on you. "Is everything okay?" he nearly choked the words out, feeling slightly stressed at your sudden gloominess.

"Yeah." You took a deep breath, slowly letting it out in a deep sigh. "Yeah, I'm fine. It's just... I don't know." You sigh again, still looking at the sky.

Bucky chances another question, wanting to get you talking since you're acting so off. "How are you feeling?"

"I feel... so sorry." You words were so soft that Bucky could barely hear them.

"Sorry?" He tried to hide his confusion, matching your soft tone as he sat down a few feet away from you. "About what doll?"

"Just... because I feel so sad." Tears pooled in your eyes, but you didn't stop staring at the sky.

"What are you sad about?" It's taking everything in him for Bucky not to hold you right now. He doesn't want to make you even more upset, especially because he's never seen you like this.

"No one around me knows who I am..." He watched as a tear rolled down your cheek, shining in the light from the moon.

Bucky moves closer, just close enough for him to reach out and hold your hand. You squeeze it, instant relief flooding through him that he hasn't crossed any boundaries.

He goes to speak, but you cut him off. "I'm not breaking. I won't take it. And I won't ever feel this way again." Your voice is harder, as if your angry with yourself.

"Hey, hey, hey. It's okay to have feelings. You're allowed to feel like this. Don't push it away. Talk to me. Why don't you think anyone knows who you are? We're all here for you, Y/N." He rubs his thumb over the back of your hand, trying to convey how serious he is.

You let out a dry laugh, wiping the the tears from your cheek. "My self preservation..." Bucky can tell there's more to, choosing to wait for you to continue. "All of my reservations..." You sigh again, sitting up, you scoot closer until you can lean your forehead against his shoulder. "I bottle it up. I'm my own biggest enemy." You let out another dry laugh, shaking your head without moving it from its resting place on Bucky's shoulder.

Bucky wraps his arm around you and leans his cheek against your head. "Take your time. You can talk to me." He whispered, trying to keep you talking without getting mad at yourself again.

"Well, I'd like to tell you that my sky is not blue, it's violent rain." The sounds of your sniffles break his heart. "I just pretend everything's fine because that's what I had to do when I was younger." Rather then interrupting, Bucky continues to rub small circles on your hand and your back, encouraging you to continue when you're ready. "Can I tell you a story? I... I think it'll help explain some of it."

"Of course. Anything you need, doll." He curses himself for the pet name, not wanting you to think he's joking. He just can't help it when it comes to you.

"Thank you, ducky." You chuckle, but your words are just as sincere as his. "You know I have two sisters, and I love them with all my heart, but sometimes growing up with them was hard. My older sister, she put so much pressure on herself to succeed. And, she did. She was so good at everything she did, that I felt like I had to be just as perfect.

With my younger sister, it was like it was effortless. She put just as much, if not more pressure on herself. but, she could do anything she tried to, with almost no learning curve. I always felt this crazy amount of pressure to be just as good.

My parents, they didn't really help with that. I mean, they were so supportive and I'm so grateful to them, but it was a lot of pressure. The summer between my junior and senior year of college, I wanted to get an internship. Ya know, to get some experience. It would set me up better for getting a job after graduation.

I spent months looking and applying, but nothing was working out. So, I went home for the summer. My mom would come home everyday and ask me if I got a job yet.

I spent nearly every waking hour looking for a job, even just a part time one for the summer. So one day, when we sat down for dinner and she asked if I got a job yet..."

Bucky could feel how tense you were telling this story, but he knew you needed to get it out.

"I told her, 'no, not yet' and she just seemed so disappointed. She asked if I was even applying and I snapped.

I yelled at her, something that had never really happened before. I told her I was trying. I was doing everything I could. She yelled at me for yelling and said it wasn't unreasonable to ask for updates.

I yelled right back. I kept saying I spend all day everyday trying and just when I finally get a break, she walks in and brings it all up again. I was stressed enough without her constant reminders.

I ended up running away from the table, in tears. I hid in the bathroom, there... there was a pair of scissors on the counter and I really thought about killing myself that day."

The tears are pouring out of you at this point. Bucky threw caution to the wind. He picked you up, maneuvering you to sit across his lap and lean your head on his chest. He kept rubbing circles into your back, murmuring words of encouragement.

"My younger sister tried to check on me, but I wouldn't open the door. My mom stomped down the hallway to her bedroom. I was full on having a panic attack in the hallway bathroom. I think I stayed in there for an hour before I went back to the dinner table.

My dad was in the kitchen. He put my plate in the microwave to heat up dinner for me. I ate through near constant tears, it only got worse every time he tried to ask me what happened. Why I snapped like that.

I wanted to apologize to my mom for yelling, so after I ate I went to her room. I knocked, and when she told me to come in I opened the door. I just remember her looking so angry.

I apologized. I told her I was sorry for yelling. She said something about not being unreasonable again. I cried again. When she asked what was wrong, I told her I was scared.

I couldn't put it into words though, so when she asked me 'of what?' I just shrugged. Then, she asked me if I was on my period.

God. I wanted to scream. I wanted to yell at her again, To make her understand 'I only wanna die some days. But if I decide to break, who will fill the empty space?' I decided that day that I would never try to tell anyone how I actually felt."

Bucky holds you as you cry. You're not sure how long it's been when you can finally breathe enough to talk again.

"I just, so many people have bigger problems then me. I grew up in a loving household. I went to college and made friends. I got a job after I graduated. So why am I so sad sometimes? I just wanna scream but what’s the use? At night, I lay awake and I stare at the door, I just can’t take it no more."

Bucky continues comforting you when he speaks again. "Just because other people have problems, doesn't mean yours are irrelevant. You are 100% allowed to feel however you feel, even if it seems like there's no reason for it. Have you ever thought about talking to someone about all of this? I know you just said you haven't told anyone how you actually feel for years, but I think it could help." He smiled nervously when you raised your head to look at him.

"I have actually. I joked about it a lot with my roommate right out of college. I always used to say 'everybody needs therapy' as a joke. Of course, I meant it. Most people probably do need therapy." You laughed, moving your arms around Bucky's neck to hug him. "Thank you for listening to me. I like talking to you."

Of course, Bucky noticed your smile didn't reach your eyes. He was confident in his words when he spoke again. "You can always talk to me. I'll always be there to listen." He followed that with a less confident "What's been bothering you today?"

"Oh, nothing that serious. It's just all pent up inside, ya know?" You smiled again, hiding your face so he couldn't see your lies.

Of course, he could still hear it in your voice. "Y/N, you can tell me. I want to be here for you."

"I... It's just, my insecurities are hurting me." You laughed at yourself. "Here we go with the fucking riddles, again. On the plus side, I think I've cried so much I'm back to one drink Y/N."

"Well, it has been 3 hours since I left to come find you." You were grateful for Bucky's joke, needing something to lift the mood a bit. "But, don't try and change the subject. I still want to know what's got you all sad." His words were light, but you knew how serious he was.

You took a deep breath, burying your head in his neck. "How could somebody ever love me?" You spoke into his shirt, not moving your head back even an inch.

"You know I can't understand you when you talk into my neck like that." Bucky tried joking, but even he knew it would do little to calm your fears.

You moved back, lips still grazing his skin when you repeated yourself, "how could somebody ever love me?"

Bucky wanted to scream. He wanted to tell you how much he loves you. He would gladly spend every day of his life loving you, but he didn't think this was the right time. Not when you just poured your heart out to him. So he settled for the almost truth.

"Anyone would be lucky to love you. You are selfless. You put everyone else first, no matter what. You always make sure everyone has a reason to smile, even when things aren't going right. You tell the best jokes. You're great at cuddling." He squeezes you closer to him, emphasizing the point. "You are beautiful, inside and out. Everyone who comes into contact with you automatically has a better day. You are incredibly strong and independent. I've never met anyone so incredibly good. Even Steve. Anyone would be lucky to be loved by you."

His words brought more tears to your eyes, pooling in the corners. "Then how come everyone that I’ve dated says they hate it cause they don’t know what to do with me? I feel broken."

"They were all idiots. You're not broken. Not even a little bit. You're learning how to express your feelings. You just need someone who would take it slow." He pressed a kiss to your forehead, struggling not to tell you everything.

"I wonder if you’d take it slow." Your eyes go wide when that slips out. You hadn't meant to make things uncomfortable. One look at Bucky's face has you freaking out. He looks stunned. "I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to say that. It just slipped out! Oh god, you've been there for me all night and I go and fuck it up by admitting I'm in love with you."

Your eyes grow even larger. You would move out of his lap, but his arms are still holding you in place. "Shit! Maybe I'm still drunk because apparently I have no filter." You say the last part more to yourself, but he can still hear you.

"Y/N?" Your name comes out of his mouth in a soft whisper.

"Yes?" You cringe internally at messing everything up.

"I would take it slow." He smiles, leaning his forehead against yours while he waits for you to absorb his words.

"Yeah?" You whisper back, a smile ghosting your lips.

"Yeah." You both lean in, exchanging soft, slow kisses and sleepy smiles.

The two of you ended up falling asleep leaning against the back of the couch. The sun streaming through the windows, combined with the noise of the other avengers in the kitchen, wakes you up.

You nudge Bucky, grinning when he pulls you closer.

"C'mon. Let's get some breakfast." He groans again, but eventually stands up.

The two of you walk into the nearly full kitchen, surprising everyone by coming from the lounge rather than the elevators. They share amused expressions, unaware of the emotional hurdles you jumped last night.

You head right for Sam, hugging him tightly before moving on to hug everyone else.

"I just wanted to thank you all. For encouraging me to live a little last night, but also for being there for me." Tears spring to your eyes again, shocking everyone but Bucky. "You're all like a family to me and I'm so glad I have you all to lean on." You made your way back to Bucky, leaning into his side while he poured both of you some cereal.

You smile when you look at him, kissing his cheek before sliding into the stool next to his.

As if broken out of a day dream, Sam sputters out a question. "What the hell did seven drink Y/N do last night?" Thrown off both by your behaviour with Bucky and the short emotional speech.

"Oh, seven drink Y/N is an emotional little bitch. I think I cried eight years of suppressed tears." You laughed, grinning at Bucky when he squeezed your hand. "Also, I think I need a therapist." Your casual admission has Tony spitting out his breakfast.

"What the hell happened last night after you disappeared from the party?" He guffaws, trying to put the pieces together.

"Also, why aren't you even a little bit hungover?" Nat chimed in, upset at missing out on seeing you anything but cheery.

"Well, to answer Nat first, I don't get hungover. Never have, even the one time I blackout out." You shrugged at everyone's slightly jealous expressions. "To answer Tony, I had an emotional breakthrough. Bucky helped me talk through it, something I never thought I'd be able to do. Long story short, i'm going to learn how to share my feelings instead of suppressing them all."

"Suppressing them? What are you talking about? I've literally never felt anything but happiness from you before?" Wanda questioned the new development.

"Well, that's because I'm really good at hiding how I feel. I'd rather not go through it all again, so just watch the security footage from the lounge last night, yeah? I want you all to know, even if it took seven drink Y/N to share it." You quickly finished eating, pulling Bucky to the doorway.

"While you do that, we're going out. Bye!" Before they could question anything else, you ran to the elevator, dragging a very willing Bucky behind you.

"We're going out?" He questioned when the elevator doors shut.

"Yep. Get dressed, I want to see all your favorite places in New York. Even if they're different now. Take me to all your favorite spots." You both smiled, sharing another soft kiss before parting to change for the day.

"Hey," Bucky called, causing you to turn over your shoulder, "I love you."

"I love you too."

#bucky x reader #bucky x you #bucky x y/n #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky barnes fanfiction #marvel fanfiction #bucky barnes angst #bucky barnes fluff #bucky barnes one shot #tw: suicide #tw: depression #tw: panic attack

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mournus · 2 years ago

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sentimentalscientia:

That smile said it all. The pirate was very uncertain of himself. Worried. She gave a more genuine smile. “My dad says that we make choices for a reason. Sometimes they turn out badly and become lessons. But every choice has meaning. You came on this ship with a purpose. I can’t tell you what it is. You might not even know just yet. But eventually you will. And personally I think you will be a lot happier with your decision once you figure it out.”

So he’d tried sign language before. Abandoning it not because it still activated things, but because it was so difficult. “Would you be willing to try again? I have two sisters and a son that use sign language to communicate. I might be able to help you learn at least a little. Enough you can have some way to speak without worrying about activating your gift.”

At her question he moved back rather quickly. He was probably still sore. But not enough to bother her with it. Hopefully. “Oh I’m completely fine now. The pain I take doesn’t linger as long as my own natural pain would. Though I am curious if your powers would have the capability to heal. This treasure hunt isn’t exactly going to be a walk in the park. In my plans I’ve had to examine and calculate the odds on how many people we will lose on each excursion. I’m doing everything in my power to keep that number as low as possible. I just need to see everything we have to work with.”

“Hm? No...” He wasn’t unhappy with his decision to become a pirate. That wasn’t at all what he was uncertain about “Always knew... when I met Captain Nachim... I think... part of me knew instantly. I’ve always wanted to be more like him.” He could speak plainly, because he knew everything he said was already true. “Freedom, confidence, adventure. I wanted... this life, but it’s... so far, it is harder than I previously expected it to be, maybe.”

The mutant cringed and shook his head at Mel’s suggestion of trying to learn sign language again. “Don’t like it... and I think I don’t know of anyone on the crew who knows sign language, I think, other than you now. Pointless.” It was better to struggle with words or send a text than try to introduce a whole new language to the mix! Plus, which sign language is he meant to learn? American? Spanish? Chinese? Which?!

“Oh... good.” He offered a timid smile. “Yes, I have healed people in the past but it’s... so far, it has been, I think, draining and it hurts. Sometimes for days...” Panic suddenly enveloped his expression, “Are you going to purposefully hurt yourself to make me heal you?! Please - please no!”

#meet kaili #kaili x mel #sentimentalscientia

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thefanficmonster · 4 years ago

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Corpse’s Girl

Corpse Husband x Reader (Female)

Warnings: Bullying, Swearing, Derogatory Terms

Genre: Angst, Fluff

Summary: Y/N’s life as a regular college student is forever stripped away from her when her relationship with the famous YouTuber Corpse Husband is accidentally revealed during an online class of hers. How will she cope with the sudden spotlight and the unwanted attention, some of which crosses into bullying?

Requested by my amazing Tumblr friend @itsminniekat 🥰 She’s been reading and liking my works since day one and I honestly couldn’t be more grateful. If you’re reading this, all I can say is thank you, darling. Thank you so much for sticking by my blog even when I posted some crappy fics. I’ll make sure this ain’t one of them. Love you with all my heart. ❤❤❤

P.S. - I named the mean character with my name so I hope no one who reads this has the same name. Wouldn’t want any of you feeling like the villain 😘

Who knew online class would be even more boring than being physically present for a lecture? Seriously, I find myself doing the weirdest of crap to entertain myself - like trying to balance a pen on the tip of my nose for example. I jot down some notes every now and then but that’s basically it. My mind can not fathom the concept on concentrating on whatever my professors are going on and on about. Well, full disclosure, I couldn’t concentrate even if I wanted to, especially with my boyfriend streaming in the other room.

He’s currently playing Among Us with his usual gaming squad. Listening to his input during the discussions, I can always tell when he’s lying. I honestly find it hilarious that his friends can’t pick up when he’s bullshitting them. I sometimes wonder if he has brainwashed them. And that’s one of the main reasons we don’t play Among Us together - he can’t lie to me. Not only do I pick up on his con with ease, but he always says he feels bad when he lies to me which is just the sweetest thing. Also, I refuse to play cause I’m shy. His friends are all well-known content creators and I’m a literal nobody. Every now and then I find myself wondering why Corpse is even with me. He’s always quick to push those thoughts out of my head and make sure they don’t return on a long notice, but they do interrupt my peace from time to time.

“Y/N, do you know?“ The sound of my professor saying my name takes me out of my eavesdropping of Corpse’s stream.

I panic, but quickly improvise, “Sorry, my internet is slow, you cut out for a second. What was the question?” I feel my face heating up, making me glad we are allowed to keep our cameras off.

“Question number 15 on page 82 in your textbook. Do you know the answer to it?“ My professor repeats himself, his tone annoyed.

I look down at the page that’s already opened in front of me. I let out a sigh of relief, seeing that the question is rather easy.

“Yeah, um, it’s...“ Suddenly, Corpse’s laugh reaches my room loud and clear. There’s no doubt my mic picked up the noise, especially since the door to my room is open.

The color drains from my face as I hurry to say the answer and remute myself. My eyes are wide as I stare at my screen, hoping no one will acknowledge that very recognizable laugh.

“OMG Y/N, are you watching a Corpse Husband stream in class?” One of the bitches in my class, Vy, speaks up, “Not a very goody-two-shoe move on your part, dear.”

I purposely unmute my mic to mumble a quick ‘Shut up, bitch’ that somehow manages to fly under my professor’s radar and the class continues. It’s the first time something like this has happened and I’m not sure if I handled it properly or not.

The class ends shortly after, allowing me a sigh of relief as I disconnect from the meeting.

“Fucking finally.“ I mumble to myself, leaning back in my desk chair. Tilting my head backwards, I see Corpse standing in the doorframe. I grin, not only because his presence itself makes me ten times happier, but also because he’s upside down from my viewpoint. “Well, hello there! How long have you been spying on me?“

He struts over to me, leaning his face over mine, “Long enough.” His lips linger above mine without any actual contact before he pulls away, allowing me to sit up straight and proper in the chair. “You still have classes?”

I nod my head while disappointedly rolling my eyes, “Yeah. One more. Shouldn’t be too bad since it’s English Lit. You’re done streaming?”

“Yeah, I just have some other things to do. I haven’t done a narration video in a while, I miss making that type of content.“ He plops down on my bed, running a hand through his messy black curls.

“Weren’t you recording some lines a few days ago?“ I frown as I try to recall if what I’m referring to actually happened or my brain is too fried to decipher reality from my bootleg perception of it. Online class, man - messes with your head like sleeping pills - makes you disoriented and exhausted with barely doing anything other than trying to wrap your brain around a lecture or two.

He hums affirmatively, “It’s not a finished project and I don’t even know if I’ll use those or rerecord them. I’ll have to listen to them again before I make a final decision.“

I tilt his chin upwards with my pointer finger, a gesture he has told me he finds very endearing, “I’m sure they’re great and you just refuse to be satisfied. Everything you do is great.“

He smiles a small, shy smile, his fingers gently wrapping around my wrist, holding my hand in place, “You’re biased. You like me too much to tell me when I do some bullshit.”

I scoff, “You know that isn’t true. If someone’s gonna kick your butt in formation, it’s gonna be me.“ I give him a quick kiss on the forehead before pulling away from him, “Go on, now. I have a class to attend. You distract me enough while you’re in the other room, I can only imagine how hard it’d be for me to focus if you were right by my side.“

He smirks, bowing a little as he makes his way out of the room, “You flatter me.”

I playfully roll my eyes, getting my headset back on as I tap the last class for the day. We have an assignment due to the start of the class which we’ll have to present if the professor approved of it. We basically had to write a psychoanalysis of a character from any book of our choice. I chose Heathcliff from ‘Wuthering Heights’ which is one of my favorite books of all time. I’m proud of what I wrote and the way I wrote it, but I’ve always barely scraped by with a B in this class, a B+ if I’m lucky, so I’ve never gotten any major credit, even when I put my 110% in the assignments and projects.

Well, color me surprised when the professor calls on me first to read my work, complimenting it on its detailed and specific nature. I get my printed assignment out in front of me and unmute myself.

“I wrote a psychoanalysis on for Heathcliff, a character from Emily Bronte’s novel ‘Wuthering Heights’.“ Just after I say this line, Corpse’s voice booms throughout the whole apartment, no doubt being picked up by my mic. It doesn’t sound like he’s actually talking, he can’t be that loud. I put two and two together when I recognize the lines he’s saying - the ones he recorded a few days ago. They’re coming from his computer speakers. He probably didn’t check the volume before playing back the recording.

I mute myself as quickly as possible, but it’s too late. The voice dies down as Corpse probably turned down the speakers.

My professor, who is already done with this lecture, just annoyedly remarks, her words overdosed with sarcasm: “Read your assignment and you can go back to whatever it is you are watching.”

“Wow, Y/N! Again?! Are you one of those crazy obsessed fans or something? Is Corpse Husband all you watch?“ This bitch is really poking a stick at me, huh? The only crazy obsessed fan here is her, and my friends but they are allowed. Little do all of them know, I am obsessed but not simply over a YouTuber. I’m obsessed with my boyfriend who just happens to be a YouTuber.

“No commentary, please.“ The professor scolds her, “Go on, Y/N.“

I finish reading without any other disturbances. The professor compliments my essay again when I’m done, the small incident at the beginning forgotten already. Well, not by everyone. One of my friends shot me a quick text to joke about it which only earned an eye roll from me.

My friends don’t know that I’m dating Corpse either. As I said, they are simping HARD over him while I act the most indifferent on the subject. Whenever they ask my opinion on him I either say ‘he’s OK’ or just avoid answering completely. I know saying anything more enthusiastic than that would turn into a snowball rolling down a snowy hill - I’d just keep babbling about how nice, amazing, wonderful and a gift to this world Corpse is, inevitably revealing our relationship in the process.

I’m afraid of revealing my relationship with Corpse in front of these people. They are all run on jealousy and selfishness and I can only imagine how mean they’d be about it. I’m already not too fond of them, it would only be worse if any of my personal life was exposed.

When the class finally ends I remove my headset, putting my forehead down on the desk, barely missing the keyboard. I groan in frustration and anger at myself for not fighting back. I could’ve and should’ve said something - ANYTHING. But what? That’s a question I can’t find the answer to.

“Hey...“ Corpse’s hesitant voice comes from behind me, “You ok?“

I straighten my posture, turning to him with a smile. “Yeah, but these people suck.”

I get up from my chair as he approaches me, basically falling in his arms. The comfort I feel radiating off of him makes me relax, forget the past hour or so. He has always had this effect on me. Like my own personal kryptonite to my anger and anxiety.

“Did I get you in any trouble because of that?“ His voice shows clear concern and guilt.

I wrap my arms around him tighter, burying my head in his chest. “No, don’t worry about it.“

And I really wasn’t in trouble. Not until now that the video is officially posted....

I can call these people dumb all I want but they sure put two and two together awfully fast. They recognized the lines they heard during class as the same ones from his new video that came out almost a week after the incident, aka two days ago. It’s safe to say I haven’t touched my phone or computer since.

“This is all my fault.“

Of all the horrible things I suspected would happen this has to be the worst - Corpse is blaming himself for it. I am prepared to take all the shit these people have to throw at me but seeing Corpse beating himself up over this is killing me. No amount of convincing can change his mind. Nothing I say helps.

“Please, stop doing this to yourself. Non of this is your fault, Corpse.“ I’ve repeated this sentence more than a thousand time these past forty eight hours, each time saying it more and more desperately.

“All of it is my fault, Y/N. I’m so sorry. I hate myself so much.“ Has been his reply single time.

I can’t watch him be so mean to himself. It’s the most conflicting thing when the person you love most is torturing themselves. It’s easy if it’s someone else doing it, you just kick their ass. But what are you supposed to do when the person you want to protect is the same one you need to protect them from.

Corpse has shut himself away in his recording room these past few hours and though he clearly needs to be alone, he still left the door open just a crack cause he knows I’ll be worried sick otherwise.

While I’m alone in the living room, I’ve finally managed to brace myself and build enough courage to power up my laptop. Last time it was on it was going mad with notifications.

“It’s digital. Only digital. It can’t hurt you too badly if it can’t touch you, right?“ I mumble to myself, already frustrated despite not having yet seen all the horrors that await me.

And horrors there were. Everywhere. Twitter. Instagram. Facebook.

My grades. Some pictures of me no one has ever seen. My school files. People from my class tweeting Corpse to ‘expose’ me for the ‘slut’ or ‘bitch’ I really am. Corpse hasn’t touched social media either and I plan on making sure it stays that way. God only knows how much worse he’ll get if he sees these claims.

And then, like a notification sent straight from hell, an email from my professor.

Practical lectures on Friday. Be here at 9 AM. Don’t forget your mask and gloves.

Good thing I opened my laptop when I did. Friday is tomorrow and I need to prepare for this day. Not only do I need to hit the books but I need to toughen up a bit. I can’t go there looking like I feel - like a mess.

Alright, time to put the brave face on. No more wallowing in it, at least not until tomorrow afternoon.

I make a study plan and hop in the shower. I feel the need to apologize to my hair for washing it so roughly, basically yanking at my strands from frustration that has been suppressed for too long.

I get our of the boiling hot shower, red as a lobster, and change into some clean comfortable clothes and put my ass in study mode. I remove all the scary expectations of the morning to come from my mind and let the information the textbooks has to offer seep into my brain.

* * *

I’m about to head out and, despite my put-together composure, I am a wreck inside. I actually put effort into my appearance, I mean - I even styled my hair. A pretty façade to hide a ruin.

I saw my friends’ texts last night, all three of them ending their friendship with me because they felt betrayed. I haven’t yet decided how to feel about that. Doesn’t matter at the moment, there are more important matters at hand, aka surviving the next three hours.

My college is within ten minutes walking distance from our apartment. That ten minute walk has never been so stressful, not even during exam season. The air feels a little harder to breathe, the path a little shorter to walk. And my moment of reckoning a little too close.

I feel eyes on me the second I start walking through the park of our campus. Sure, I could just be paranoid, but the feeling is too real to be just my imagination in overdrive. I’m glad I have my hair down and a mask on so the redness of my cheeks and neck isn’t on display. That’s a sign of weakness right now.

We have two an hour and a half long classes between which we have a snack break that’s half an hour. I usually enjoy that period but I’m dreading it now. These assholes can only be so mean in the presence of a professor, but during lunch break they can increase that tenfold.

“Well if it isn’t Corpse’s girl.“ I hear that a lot. The whispers are not so much whispers as intentionally loud enough for me to hear remarks. I’m not bothered by them, it’s the least they can do. If I let such a simple thing get to me, I’d be crumbling by the end of first period.

I hear some shuffling behind me and out of the corner of my eye I see, yeah you guessed it, THAT bitch. She’s standing as close to me as she can without violating Covid regulations. A mask is covering her face but the menacing look in her eyes tells me all I need to know about the interaction that’s about to go down.

“I’d ask how much he pays you for the hour.....“ her long nails tap the wooden desk, “but that’d be rude. I bet it’s tough being a maid. Do you just clean or are you a multipurpose lap dog? No offense, I’m genuinely curious.“

“Vy, would you be so kind as to give Y/N some room to breathe?“ The professor asks as he nonchalantly walks in.

Vy rolls her eyes, batting her eyelashes at me, “Talk to you later, sweetheart.” With a fake friendly wave she’s out of my hair, at least for now.

Remember what I said about these people not being as dumb as I pegged them to be? Yeah, scratch that. These fuckers actually tried getting away with taking pictures of me with flash in broad daylight. Like, HELLO! I have two functioning eyes and a brain, I’m onto you. Sadly, me having figured out their childish but hurtful methods of humiliating me doesn’t change much. They still posted the pics they took, using the most derogatory terms they could find in the English language, always making sure to tag Corpse and me both.

Needless to say, these were the longest three hours of my life.

* * *

Shutting the door to our apartment behind me causes relief of the highest levels. I feel like I’ve locked out all the bad shit I have had to deal with these past twenty four hours.

I’m tired. I’m fucking exhausted. I feel like a discarded piece of paper.

And it all starts crumbling. A wall is bound to start slowly falling apart after being hit over and over again, each time feeling the blows with a stronger intensity.

I slide down the door sitting down on the floor and slowly taking my shoes off. I put my bag beside me and wrap my arms around my knees, hiding my head in the space between them and my chest.

One tear slides down my cheek.

Another follows.

And another, this time accompanied by a choked sob.

A pair of arms wraps around the ball that my body has been shaped into. One of his hands comes up to stroke my hair gently, feeding me the comfort I have been longing for since I left the apartment this morning.

“I saw it. All of it. All the shit they talk about you. All the names they call you. And I’ve never wanted to beat so many people up simultaneously.“ His words make me raise my head from its low position, giving him a knowing look. “I wish I could. I would, but that would land me in jail. Which doesn’t even sound so bad cause I don’t like going out. Only problem is you wouldn’t be with me. I wouldn’t want you to be there with me, don’t get me wrong, I’d never want you to end up in jail. I-...” I cut him off by pressing my lips to his. A quick kiss that says so much but mainly shows the immeasurable gratitude for his support.

Seeing those awful tweets and comments had the complete opposite effect on him. He no longer blames himself but the people who actually deserve the blame - all those jerks from my college.

I pull away, giving him a small smile. “I would never let you go to jail.”

He smiles back at me, overjoyed that my mood is slowly being lifted, “Come on, I have a nice crowd that would like to meet you.”

I know exactly what he means. Felix, Sean, Rae, Dave, Sykkuno and the rest of his friends. The people I’ve been so shy and afraid to meet since day one. Being shy doesn’t really make sense now, seeing as how they know I exist and that I’m a part of Corpse’s life.

What do I have to lose?

“Guys, this is my girlfriend, Y/N.“ Corpse’s black avatar runs around my cyan one in the Among Us lobby.

I can’t help but giggle when I unmute my mic, “Hi everyone! It’s so nice to finally meet you.“ They each introduce themselves, expressing how happy they are to be meeting me too.

It’s the first time in what feels like a while that I’m truly having fun. These people are wonderful, each so unique and lovely. They never brought up the scandal nor acted as though they knew about it. I know they did and I am beyond grateful that they never mentioned it or treated me any differently because of it. Also, Corpse was streaming the whole time. I had my phone on his stream, my eyes nervously scanning the chat every now and then. I couldn’t believe it. Corpse’s real fans were just as wonderful as his friends - they were nothing but supportive and happy to have met me.

Now, I can either choose to believe these people were being so nice to me out of sympathy or I can believe they really like me and appreciate me for who I am and not for what happened to me.

I choose to believe the latter.

And while I’m still getting accustomed to this whole new spotlight, I know I’ll be able to handle it as long as I’m holding Corpse’s hand in the process. All I need is to have him beside me and I’m prepared to tackle anything.

“They love you.“ Corpse tells me once the stream is done and we’ve hopped out of the Discord call, “But I love you more.“

His arms wrap around my waist while mine instinctively find their way around his neck, “I love them, too. But they’re at the number 2 spot.”

He smirks at me, “I wonder who’s at number 1.”

I push up on my toes, putting my lips an inch away from his, “Hmm, I wonder...”

He doesn’t let me finish, silencing my teasing with a sweet, loving kiss.

@susceptible-but-siriusexual @simonsbluee @save-the-sky @hacker-ghost @bi-andready-tocry @imtiredaffff @jazzkaurtheglorious @hereforbeebo @fandomgirl17 @chrysanthykios @maehemscorpyus @loraleiix @letsloveimagines @annshit @i-cant-choose-a-username-help @enigmaticmaze @divine-artemis @waterlilypat

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celestialevie · 3 years ago

Text

Sunshine // Charlie Weasley x Healer! reader

(Not my GIF, credit goes to the creator) Genre: fluff with tiny bit of angst words: 1.7k warnings: cursing, like one sentence of smut (so 16+ please), kissing, idiots being oblivious about their feelings, mentions of second degree burn, mentions of broken ankles etc. Summary: Being in love with your childhood best friend is never easy, no matter how much love there is. A/N: This is gender-neutral fic don't mind the gif also, please keep in mind English is not my first language. If there are any mistakes, please let me know. And also thank you so much again for the 100 followers!! Hope you enjoy the fic

Working at your dream job with your childhood best friend has been the absolute dream. Even though you just started working at the sanctuary recently, you’re already loving it. And how could you not when Charlie Weasley has been nothing but supportive and making sure you’re comfortable with everything. Until very recently, you’ve been working at St. Mungo’s since your apprenticeship ended, when Charlie told you that people at the sanctuary are looking for another healer to work in case something happens with the wizards working there. While it did break your heart to leave your two other best friends, Tonks and Penny, you couldn’t pass up on the opportunity to be even closer to Charlie. Everyone around you two knew your feelings for each other, while the two of you kept being oblivious to each other's feelings, not wanting to ruin your friendship. Doing this job wasn’t that hard, healing a few burns here and there, twisted ankles etc. Charlie would find excuses to go and see you, even if it wasn’t actually anything wrong with him. You’ve known Charlie since the first year of Hogwarts, when you ran into him on the train. And honestly, seeing him then, you should’ve known you would’ve caught feelings for him. Red hair and blue eyes, freckles all over his face. Who can blame you? Your thoughts have been interrupted when you heard a knock on your office door. ‘’ Come in! ‘’ you yelled as Charlie opened the door. ‘’ Hi sunshine ‘’ he smiled at you. ‘’ Should’ve known it was you. Are you injured, or did you just come to bother me? ‘’ You ask him with a smile on your face.’’ Actually injured. Baby dragon decided to give me attitude by breathing fire on my hand. ‘’ he approaches you and places himself on a bed meant for patients. Taking his hand in yours, you see the very much visible burn marks on his hand. ‘’ It’s only a second degree burn, thankfully, nothing a little of burn-healing paste can’t cure. I’ll apply it and then wrap it up so that it doesn’t accidentally budge or wipe off. In no matter of time, your hand will be as good as knew and ready for another baby dragon or maybe even mother dragon to burn it again. But please don’t actually get burnt again on that hand if possible or anywhere. Molly would throw a fit if she knew how much of your scars and injuries I heal. ‘’ You say as you grab the burn-healing paste and apply it to his hand and finish it off with wrapping a bandage around his hand. Gently tapping his cheek, he sighs and gets up. ‘’ Thank you sunshine, you’re my saviour. ‘’ he exaggerates while kissing your cheek, and he’s on his way out of your office. What you didn’t know is while healing and inspecting his wound, he finally decided he’ll act up on his feelings. But for that, he’ll need help from one person who’s been helping him ignore his feelings for you. Going back to his place, he quickly wrote a note and sent his owl to that person letting them know to come over to his place asap. A couple of hours have passed before he heard knocking on his door. Opening his door, he saw that they were wearing the same outfit they usually did when they were meeting up. ‘’ Sorry it took me a while to come over, I was at work. ‘’ Charlie gulped and let them in. ‘’ It’s no problem, let’s get this over with and honestly this will probably be the last time we meet up like this, Anna… I decided to stop being a coward and acknowledge my feeling for y/n and do something about them. ‘’ he smiled and at his words Anna’s lips stretched into a wide smile. ‘’ Charlie, that’s amazing! I’m happy for you, god, I wish I could do the same about my feelings for Peter. ‘’ her smile faded a bit and a frown replaced it. Pulling her into his arms, he kissed her passionately, leading her towards the couch and slowly lowering her down on it while not breaking the kiss. Pulling off the coat, he knew she had only underwear underneath it. Slowly kissing down her neck and gently biting into it, wanting to hear her moans, he knew he pulled out of her every time they meet up like this. Lowering himself and kissing down her chest, sucking on

her sweet skin he’s got so familiar with recently. As he took of her bra, and started sucking on her nipples, the door of his cabin opened, and he swears the time stopped for him when he heard y/n’s voice when they interrupted something. ‘’ Hey Charlie….oh I’m so sorry I didn’t mean to interrupt. Please continue, I’m going to go…’’ before he could even muster up a word, they apparated away somewhere. ‘’ FUCK! ‘’ He yelled as he got off of Anna and helped her get dressed. ‘’ Go find her, you idiot! Don’t just scream and shout! You should go find her and tell her everything. I’ll go home. ‘’ Anna yelled at him Giving Anna a small kiss on the cheek as an apology, he quickly tried to think of a place y/n could’ve gone to. The first thing he did was run to her house and started knocking on their door. When they didn’t answer the door, he went to their office. When he tried to enter it, the door was locked, so he knocked a couple of times before moving on to a different location. He remembered showing her a special spot by the lake, which he accidentally found when he first moved to Romania. Quickly imagining that place in his head, he apparated there, and that’s when he spotted them. Sitting by the lake and throwing small rocks at it. Taking a deep breath, he approached them.

‘’ Hey sunshine. ‘’ at the sound of his voice, they raised their head and looked behind them. ‘’ Charlie, hey…’’ clearing his throat, he slowly approached them. ‘’ Mind if I sit down next to you? Been looking around to find you. Just want to explain something to you and then after that I can leave you alone if that’s what you wish for. ‘’ they nodded their head and gently patted a spot next to them. Charlie sat down. ‘’ Can I just say before you start, I’m sorry for walking in your house without knocking or even letting you know I’ll stop by. Didn’t mean to interrupt you and Anna in your private business.’’ their voice was on the verge of breaking because god-damn did their heart break when they saw Charlie and Anna in the middle of whatever they were doing. ‘’ Oh god no sunshine, you have nothing to apologize for. If anything, it’s me who needs to apologize to you. I am so fucking sorry you saw that. But I need to explain that whole situation and for you to understand it I need you to listen to every word I say. Anna and I were nothing more than just fuck buddies. To just try and forget about all the pain in our hearts that we both felt. We never saw each other as more than occasional fuck buddies who were looking to feel something. Her heart is longing for someone else, and so does mine. Sunshine, I know that what you saw probably hurt you more than you’d like to admit to yourself and to me. God, I wish you didn’t see me and her, but….’’ he stops, taking your hands into his and looking into your eyes. My heart only longs and wishes for you, sunshine. God, I’ve never been more in love with someone more than I am in you. If you’re in love with me too or at least have some romantic feelings for me, it would make me the happiest man in the world. If you wish to stay only friends with me, I completely understand, I promise I won’t let my feelings for you ruin our friendship. You mean way too much to me for me to only ruin it because of some stupid feelings. You’re the most important person in my life. You can say what you wish to say now. ‘’ Charlie was preparing for the worse, but what he didn’t expect is for you to start crying. Noticing the panicking look in his eyes, you quickly reassure him. ‘’ No, no, don’t panic, these are the happy and frustrated tears. Penny and Tonks will be over the moon once I let them know they were right about the two of us all this time. ‘’ A small laugh escapes your lips. ‘’ I’ve been in love with you, Charlie, probably since the moment I first met you on the train. All these times I’ve told myself you only saw me as your best friend, how could you ever see me romantically. But I guess I was wrong. ‘’ you wipe away your tears as Charlie looks at you with so much love in his eyes. ‘’ Oh sunshine, I’ve never been happier to see someone laugh. ‘’ you pull him into a hug, never wanting to let him go. He pulls a little away only to press him lips onto yours. The kiss was never sweeter, wanting to keep kissing you for the rest of his life.

BONUS:

When both Penny and Tonks received a letter from you, they didn’t expect anything unusual. But what they received was the happiest news they’ve been wanting to hear since probably fifth year of Hogwarts. Charlie and you were officially together. Just like you expected, you received one big howler from them. ‘’ CHARLES WEASLEY AND Y/F/N L/N HOW DARE YOU ANNOUNCE THE NEWS WE’VE BEEN WANTING TO HEAR JUST CASUALLY IN THE LETTER. I EXPECTED BETTER FROM YOU TWO!! ‘’ Penny screamed, but Tonks was only laughing in the background. ‘’ As soon as we can, Penny and I will come over to the Romania and keep telling y/n ‘ I told you so ‘’ because I TOLD YOU SO YOU DUMB IDIOT! ‘’ Tonks yelled, and all you could do was laugh at Charlie’s shocked and kind of terrified face. Penny can be a bit scary when she wanted to be, and he definitely experienced Penny’s wrath back in Hogwarts. ‘’ Well, they seem to like the news. ‘’ you laughed as you pulled Charlie into a kiss.

#charlie weasley fluff #charlie weasley x reader #charlie weasley #harry potter #hogwarts #nymphadora tonks #penny haywood #charlie weasley x you #charlie weasley fic #charlie weasley fanfiction #charlie weasley angst #charlie weasley one shot #charlie weasley imagine

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witch-hazels-musings · 4 years ago

Note

Could you do some headcanons about Kaeya and Diluc with an s/o who really wants to dance with them (whether it be at a festival, party, at home, etc.) Also? I seriously respect the hell out of you for writing while working an 8-5 as someone who has to work a 9-5 and feels like i doesn’t even have time to shower at night. ｡ﾟ(ﾟ´ω`ﾟ)ﾟ｡ I hope you’re doing well! Please continue to grace us with your lovely presence!

I finished it!! Thank you for waiting for me! I hope you like it :D

^ expanded the request a bit --- I also don’t know how Kaeya’s got to be so long - so an extra special gift from me to you

warnings -> sfw, reader is pestered by some ppl, jealous characters :)

Character X GN Reader | Anthology

Includes: Kaeya, Diluc, Childe, Albedo

Kaeya

When Kaeya asked you to be his partner to one of the largest events in all of Mondstadt, you were beyond excited - this was an opportunity you had been waiting for - you’d always wanted to dance with him, and this was the perfect opportunity to do so

You did your best to get ready, not knowing if this or that outfit would be better to wear, and the anxiety of having to meet him at the event hall was weighing on you

“Y/N!” You turned your head for the thousandth time, so many voices had called out to you the moment you descended the stairs, their eyes as powerfully overwhelming as their voices. Luckily, this voice was someone you were relieved to see. Amber gripped onto your hands and pushed herself between you and the many bodies standing just a bit too close. “You look incredible! I’ve only ever seen you in your adventure clothes.”

“Haha, I couldn’t come to a ball dressed like that, could I?” You glanced down at your attire, it had taken you a long time to decide what to wear and even though you settled on this, and were getting compliment after complement, you only cared about one person's opinion. Where was he?

“Well, you look incredible!” She gripped your wrist and pulled you along, shouting at people who refused to get out of the way, her peppy voice breaking through all the many others calling for your attention. It was strange to be the center of attention. You’d seen so many of these faces around town and they didn’t seem to notice you then, so why all the affection now? It made you feel self-conscious.

When you were finally away from the sea of eager eyes, you took a deep breath. The new, less crowded space letting in relief to ease your nerves.

You looked at Amber and smiled at her, she always seemed to know how to bring you just what you needed, her kindness knew no bounds and you were we happy to have a friend like her. “Have you been here long?” You asked her.

“Pretty much, I’ve been helping plan this event for a while. I’m happy for it to be over honestly, who knew planning something like this was so exhausting.”

“Ha, maybe that’s why Diluc always has a sour expression on his face. Too many events.”

“You’re probably right! Ah, can you imagine stern Diluc planning a party? I’d die.” She laughed and the cheery vibrations seeped into your weary skin, your nerves made it easier for you to have an emotional reaction and with her disposition you found yourself laughing with her.

“So,” you looked out over the dance floor, noticing the tables full of food and drink, people standing in small circles chatting and laughing away. “Who else made it tonight?”

“Oh, are you looking for someone in particular?” She tilted her head and smiled at your flustered state.

“N-no … what … shut-up.” You frowned and looked away from her.

“I think you’ll see him soon, he had something to do but it won’t take him all night.” She must have noticed your disappointment because in an instant she made the decision to get you something to eat and stuck to your side until you had a more natural smile on your face.

Any excuse to be close to you he is all for, it doesn’t matter what the occasion is, he will find a way to hold you, touch you - he just cannot get enough of you

When he invited you to the Favonious ball, he knew you’d quickly take up his offer and join him, there wasn’t a question in his mind that you would deny it

He had several things to prepare for and was frustrated that he couldn’t bring you to the event himself, but he knew you’d show up and once you did he’d have all night to spend with you - that was if he could make his way through the barrage of people who were flocking to you as soon as you stepped through the door

He stepped through the hallway, his footsteps echoing off the walls as he made his way toward the ballroom. Lisa had given him a few ‘last minute’ wardrobe adjustments, and while she cooed over how handsome he looked, he hated how tight the suit was around his neck. He pushed his finger between the collar of his dress shirt and pulled at it.

As he turned the corner, he could already hear the sounds of the party drifting up toward him. He hoped it wasn’t too late, his work had kept him longer than he wished and it was well past the time that you said you’d be there. He was frustrated and eager to see your face.

The light from the ballroom washed over him as he stepped onto the balcony. There were still plenty of people enjoying themselves below but he only cared about one. His eyes scanned the crowd, heart filling with dread as he failed again and again at finding you among them. Then he saw you, your back leaning against one of the pillars, your arms crossed around your chest, eyes looking at the outrider who seemed to be holding you in a lively conversation.

He smiled and quickly made his way down the steps, his hands slipping into his pockets as he did so.

People were engaged in discussions, which normally he would be interested in as these were great opportunities to gather information, but his focus was on something much more important.

“I’m going to ask them…” A voice caught his attention so he slowed his pace.

“Don’t even bother, they haven’t danced with anyone the whole night. They’ve just been talking with that brunette for hours.”

“I’m pretty persistent; I know how to win someone over.” Kaeya looked at them, his gaze lingering for a moment before catching you in the same place you had been. He watched as they made their way toward you and the stab in his chest pulled at the back of his mind. Quickly, he unbuttoned the collar of his shirt, the freedom of it spurring him on as he pushed his way toward you.

“Hey, I couldn’t help but notice you haven’t danced with anyone here. I know, you’ve just been waiting for me to ask you all night.” The man smiled at you, but there was something unsettling about the way he did it.

“No thank you, I’m not interested.”

“Come on, it’ll be fun. You won’t regret it.” You were getting irritated at this point, not only had he interrupted your conversation with Amber, but he wasn’t the only person to ignore your first no.

“Again, I’m not interested.” You turned away from him hoping that if you didn’t look he’d just walk away.

He placed his hand against the pillar and leaned in closer to you and you were about to show him how strong your disinterest was when you heard a familiar voice.

“How rude of me to keep you waiting for so long, I came as soon as I could.” You looked behind the man and saw Kaeya standing there in formal attire, his beauty seemed to know no limits - frustrating.

“Kaeya!” You stood, disregarding everything and flashing him the brightest smile you could.

“Am I too late for a dance?” He held out his hand to you and without hesitation you took it. He led you to the dance floor leaving behind a confused, dejected suitor and excited Amber in your wake.

He spun you around as soon as you reached the dance floor, a hand resting on your hip and the other holding your hand. “You look stunning, did you get dressed up all for my sake?” He looked down at you and his smile made your legs weak.

“Maybe … don’t let it go to your head.”

“Too late.” He laughed and you forgot how much you missed him. It didn’t matter how long you waited, for him, you would wait an eternity.

“I heard a rumor about you.”

“What rumor?” You looked up at him and caught the mischief in his eyes.

“That you haven’t danced with a single person here, is that true?”

“... It is … I only …” You looked down at his chest before continuing. “I only wanted to dance with you.”

His hands squeezed around your hip and you felt him pull you closer, “How lucky am I. Sorry I made you wait.”

“No! You don’t have to apologize.” Your head shoots up to meet him, your voice a bit louder than you planned, but he doesn’t seem to mind.

“Well let’s give them all a show, shall we? I mean, I have to make sure they know they’ll never stand a chance.” The two of you spend the rest of the night together, the jealousy of all those who wished they were Kaeya apparent as they started to fade away the longer the two of you held one another. Kaeya couldn’t be happier, he was completely fine with them dropping all hope of being yours - that space was for him and him alone.

Diluc

You were having a great time enjoying the festivities. Practically everyone had been invited to the winery to celebrate the coming of the new season, it was one of the most popular events that could happen

The two of you had been catching each other here and there, but with how busy he was taking care of everything, and how popular you were becoming as a dance partner or at least an interested dance partner, the two of you continued to drift past the other

Diluc was getting more and more irritated as the evening went on. There were so many things distracting him from where he desperately wanted to be. Instead of being at your side, he was busy hosting conversation after conversation with potential business partners, dealing with the drunkards who couldn’t seem to keep a responsible handle on their booze, and drifting between staff to make sure they had what they needed.

Reasons like these were why he typically avoided hosting events, but it was always fruitful and he needed to keep old connections and build new ones. Still, when he had a second and his eyes drifted through the crowd to find you, he felt the heat rise in his chest as he watched you dancing in the arms of someone other than him. He wasn’t mad at you of course, he was frustrated with himself that he allowed others to touch you, you were just too kind - a trait he loved, but one that also pulled at his heart.

“They are incredible.” He heard someone share with their friend. Glancing up from his work he saw just who they were in discussion about.

“I wonder if they are seeing anyone?”

“I haven’t heard anything …Hey, If you don’t go for it, I will!” They laughed and while he couldn’t tell if their intentions held any weight, he hated that the idea was even present in their minds. Again, it was on him that people didn’t know you were seeing one another. The two of you looked like good friends with the way you respected his boundaries, and his reservation at being expressive with his affections for you. He clenched his jaw before walking away.

---

Your legs were starting to ache from the amount of activity you were requesting of them. So many people had asked you to dance, and you didn’t want to be rude, as a guest of Diluc’s you wanted to make sure to be as kind and thoughtful as you could. However, with the amount of energy you were expending on everyone else you were starting to feel the effects of it all. So when several more, slightly persistent, patrons came to ask you to dance, you found yourself leaning to decline.

“Excuse me,” they began, “If you would be so kind, I’d love to have the next dance with you.” You looked up at them and saw their nervous smile. It hurt to reject them, but you desperately wanted a break.

“Thank you, but I’m going to have to respectfully decline.” You nodded your head and noticed there were other eager dance partners standing behind them. “I need to rest a bit, everyone has been so lively, and I’m running out of stamina.” You laugh in an attempt to make your rejection more lighthearted.

“If you don’t want to dance, we can do something else!” They sat down next to you, their arms perched on the table, body leaning in way to close. They began to ask you questions, which was fine until they started to get more and more personal. You did your best to answer them, but when they asked the next question it was a challenge to get them to accept your response.

“Everyone is dying to know,” another asked, you turned your head to them and waited, “are you seeing anyone?”

You averted your gaze before responding, “Yes. I am.”

“What!?” | “There is no way?” Their voices hit you at once and the loudness of their shouting drew eyes from other party-goers. They badgered you for a bit, all asking different questions at the same time, making it hard to hear them all. One stuck out and when they spoke the group got quiet.

“I’ve never seen you with anyone.” You looked at them, their arms crossed and lips turned into a frown. “You’re pulling our legs.”

“No, I really am seeing someone.”

“I don’t believe it, you're just using that as an excuse.” Their words made you angry. You didn’t own them anything and you were being plenty kind, and, that kindness, was starting to grow thin. “Tell us who it is and then we will believe you.” They placed their hand on the table and looked directly into your eyes. You were about to answer them when you were interrupted by the person himself.

“Y/N.” He spoke and the voices around the table died down, you looked at him and felt unbelievable relief.

“Diluc.” You stood and walked toward him, his hand open for you, a gesture you were surprised by. Carefully, you placed your hand in his and scratched the side of your head.

He looked at you, his eyes heavy on your skin. “Sorry I’ve been so busy.”

“It’s okay, I don’t mind waiting.” His thumb rubbed the back of your hand, there was no way people couldn’t notice how much that affected you.

“Hey! What’s going on … are the two of you …?” The person stood up and placed their hands on their hips. Their shouting drew the eyes of others again and everyone at the table stilled as they waited for a response.

“Yes, and I ask that you don’t cause them any trouble; I won’t tolerate it.” His tone had a hint of a threat and it made your chest tight. There was a shockwave of disbelief that ran through the crowd, and the whispering made your ears burn. Diluc looked at you and you looked back, “Shall we?”

“Mhm.”

You followed after him, his broad shoulders a sight you never got tired of seeing and when the two of you held each other in movement to the music, you knew there would be no secret to your relationship now. Diluc made that clear from his words to his actions, and as the music began to fade and the sun dipped below the cliffs, he bravely showed his feelings for you as his lips touched your cheek.

Childe

He’d be all about showing you off to others - he wants to make it clear that you and he are an item no matter where you were

You went with him back to his home-town. It was a long trip, but so worth it to be with him, to see where he grew up. It took a while to get used to the chilly weather, and in fact you had to layer up extra carefully in order to bear the cold

His family had prepared for him a welcome party and had practically invited everyone they could to celebrate his return. Even if they knew it was only temporary, as his membership with the Fatui often kept him on the move, still, it was nice to feel so loved and welcomed with such a joyous event.

They also knew he would be bringing someone special back with him. It was a demand which plastered every letter he received from his siblings. He knew if he didn’t bring you along there would be a reception colder than the snow that never melted.

Of course, the two of you arrived hours before the start of the celebration. This gave his siblings and other family plenty of time to introduce themselves to you. They asked you question after question and when it was finally time to get ready for the party, you noticed how rough your voice had become. You definitely knew that Childe was a member of this family, he too knew how to wear out your voice.

Childe changed clothes quickly, it had been so long since he wore those clothes from this region. As he looked in the mirror, the way the outfit rested snuggly against him, it made him even more nostalgic than he already was. He was waiting out in the large living room, his mind playing out memories of his childhood in this house when a sound caught his attention.

His younger siblings giggled and shouted in excitement and as he turned to see what was all the fuss he felt the air in his lungs leave him. You were dressed in a traditional style outfit, your hair styled to fit your attire, hands fussing with the clothes you weren’t used to wearing. When you looked up at him and smiled shyly he felt an incredible urge to lock you behind closed doors and not let anyone lay their eyes on you.

You walked toward him, ignoring the loudness of his siblings, “They said this would be okay … Do I … look alright?”

“You look incredible.”

“Thank you.” You drop your head, looking at your hands and he desperately wants to pull your face back to him, but is interrupted before he gets the chance.

“Let’s go already, big brother!” Teucer shouts, already standing at the door.

“Shall we?” Childe extends his elbow to you and you take it.

---

He had been watching you dance with the members of his family for a while, and while it moved his heart to see you laughing and doing your best to learn the moves, he wanted to hold you in his arms himself. He wanted you, to have you experience his traditions first hand through him. So, when he couldn’t handle it any longer, he finally asked you to dance.

“You all have been keeping them so busy … I’m going to steal them back now.” He exclaimed, barging into the game you had been playing with his younger siblings.

“That’s not fair! You’ve been able to keep them to yourself for so long. We want to play more.”

“You can after I’ve had my fun, let’s go.” He pulled you away and their cries sounded as you drifted further from them.

“I was winning!” You exclaimed, laughing as he pulled you behind him.

“It’s my turn to have your attention.” He turned and pulled you close to him. You could feel his energy through his fingertips, it was familiar, like the time he saw you talking to that stranger in one of the bars of Liyue.

“Childe, you can’t seriously be jealous of your family.”

“You don’t know me at all, do you.” He spun you around and when you realized you were out on the dance floor you knew you were in trouble.

“I’m not very good at this yet.” You try to explain to him but it falls on deaf ears.

“I’ll teach you, just follow my lead.” He nodded to the musicians and they began to warm up, their music drowning out the chatter. Quickly, he leaned down and kissed your forehead before offering some last minute encouragement, “Let me show them all how spectacular you are.”

He loved every second of this. The way your feet stumbled over his as he moved with you across the dance floor, the way your face flashed through different expressions: joy, concern, embarrassment, confidence. He couldn’t get enough of you, there was never enough of you. How was he ever going to be satiated with you around, especially when you were embracing his home, his family with such unbound acceptance.

He wanted to swallow you up, he wanted to lock you to him for the rest of time, and the more you let him take, the stronger his desire became.

As the music drifted into its final crescendo he lifted you in his arms and spun you around. There were countless couples surrounding you, all shouting and cheering on the excitement that rippled from the center of the dance floor. When he stopped and you slid a bit down his chest, your shoulders at the height of his chin, hands gripping tightly on his shoulders and face dipping down to him with a smile that told him everything he ever needed to know about you, he let the words fall from his mouth, finally being as honest as he ever had been.

“I love you.”

Albedo

Albedo wasn’t too fond of parties and get-togethers, it was a lot of energy to expend on the discussions or interactions which he’d much prefer to stay clear of, at least if he can get away with it. Still, he had promised to make an appearance, and when he saw you he was much more inclined to stay

He loved to watch you have a great time, you were so independent, doing things whenever you felt like it and experiencing life as it happened. Unless it was explicitly told to others, most wouldn’t have any idea that the two of you were seeing each other. Most of the time that wasn’t a problem, as your busy schedules kept you distracted, but as he watched you mingle with the citizens and partake in the festivities, and how you drew the attention of interested eyes, he was starting to get jealous

These sorts of festivals drew in travelers from all over Teyvat. Most of them only blew in with the wind while others stayed longer after the final banner was removed. It was something that almost everyone in Mondstadt took part in, even those who often didn’t get out much -- and he was one of them.

Albedo made his way through the streets greeting citizens as he passed by, a quick nod or hello here and there. It was Sucrose who had encouraged him to take a break, reminding him that he was likely to see you down in the festivities. So, he put away his work for the day and headed out of the research labs toward the cheering below.

When he saw it was like the sun shined on his face for the first time in days. He felt so warm and was eager to reach you. As he got closer, he couldn’t help but notice the many faces that were turned to you. It was strange but he tried not to let that oddity hender him in any way. That’s when he started to hear the conversation you were having with someone, the closeness of them to you, and the way they didn’t seem to leave you alone.

It wasn’t like him, either, to let his emotions get the better of him, but having to listen and watch others take notice of you, something inside of him grew and he wanted to make sure they knew their hands would never reach yours.

“Hey.” A man walked up to you and injected himself in the conversation you were having. You stopped what you were doing and glanced at him, curious. “Would you be interested in dancing with me?”

“Oh, I’m sorry, I’m not much of a dancer.” You smiled at him and tried to let him down easy. In fact you’d love to dance, but only if it was with a particular person, and he didn’t seem to be around at the moment.

“It’s okay if you aren’t, I’m happy to teach you some moves.” He took a step closer and his first impression of friendliness was slipping into pushiness.

You started to tap your fingers against your leg, the motion becoming more intense the closer he got. “Really, I’m not a good dancer, you’ll find more luck with someone else.”

“Come on, it’ll be fun.” He reached for your hand but was blocked by another. When you looked at the owner and saw it was Albedo, your stomach flipped.

“Albedo?” You turned to him, a smile on your face and relief in your voice.

“Excuse me, but I believe they said they weren’t interested?”

“... ha, what are you their boyfriend?” They laughed and continued talking, “Listen, why don’t you let …”

“Yes, I am.” Albedo interjected, cutting the person off.

“What?”

“We are together.” They looked confused, their eyes moving back between yours and Albedo’s. Albedo looked down at you and noticed the expression on your face, “Is that not the right way to describe our relationship?”

“No! I mean, yes, that’s right.” You looked at the person and gestured to Albedo, “This is my boyfriend, I’m his … we’re together, yes.” You nodded your head way too many times, but the point seemed to get across to them anyway. They left in a huff and you watched them leave before standing and turning to Albedo.

It was the first time the two of you had ever really said those words out loud - of course you knew in your minds that you were a couple … but to say the term which let the outside world know of your relationship, well it was so exciting

You felt your face get hot as you remembered how factually he had spoken, how quickly he answered their question. You couldn’t help but pat your face and pinch your cheeks

After that, the two of you wandered through the festival, eating delicious food, participating in the activities, laughing and having interesting discussions, as you always did

When night started to drift over the event and only a few people remind in the city center, you found yourself back in the place where your time together started, music drifting through the air

You had such an incredible day. There were times the two of you were so busy that you would go days without seeing one another, so to spend an entire afternoon together was like a gift.

“Today was incredible.” You express, the excitement and joy from the day making you click your tongue against the roof of your mouth.

“I can tell you had a good day.” Albedo replies, smiling at you.

“Oh, really?”

“Yeah, you click your tongue like that when you’re happy … sometimes when you’re focused.”

“Ah, really! I’ve never noticed.”

“I think it’s cute.” He stepped closer and grabbed your hand, his grip soft and gentle. “So I know you don’t like to … I was wondering … would you like to dance with me?”

“Yes!” You answered much quicker than he expected, your voice startling him a little. You covered your mouth and laughed, your eyes squinting.

“Let’s go.” You took his hand and walked until the space felt right. Albedo let go of you before turning to look at you. With an elegant bow he requested your hand once again, you returned the gesture, not wanting to be rude and also trying your best to not scream with excitement. The music swelled and your bodies moved closer, his hands wrapping around your back while yours draped over his shoulders. You rested your head against his chest and let the wonderful day drift into a wonderful night, you and Albedo sharing in a moment with one another. No worries, no interruptions, just one another swaying to the sweet mixture of music and distant conversations.

“I’m glad you could make it today.”

“Me too.”

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marauderundercover · 3 years ago

Text

The Strings that Bind Us: Chapter Two

AO3

Marinette dances around her apartment, feeling lighter than she’d felt in years. She had dinner on the stove, a movie on the table, and her boyfriend of two weeks coming over in ten minutes. Honestly, she couldn’t remember a time when she’d been happier. She grins when she hears the knock at her door. Quickly pulling the pan off the heat, she rushes over to the door, nearly falling on her face in her rush. Without even checking the peephole, she throws the door open and grins widely at Bruce. He smiles back at her and she kisses his cheek quickly.

“Hey, dinner’s almost ready.” She says, tugging him in and closing the door.

“You really didn’t have to cook tonight, we could’ve ordered in.” He says, and she turns to him, wrinkling her nose.

“Bruce, I’m honestly worried that all you ever eat is takeout.” She says flatly. He just laughs, and shakes his head.

“Mari, I can assure you I don’t always eat takeout.” He says, snaking his arms around her waist. She raises an eyebrow, giving him a softer version of her Ladybug stare. He just grins and leans down, kissing her gently. She instantly melts into the kiss, standing on her toes to try and deepen it. Just as he lifts her up, the timer goes off and she groans.

“I’m going to throw that damn thing out the window.” She gripes, giving him a quick peck before jumping down and pulling the pan with the steamer off the heat. “Could you grab some plates?” She calls over her shoulder, focused on moving the dumplings out of the steamer. She smiles as she does, the familiar feeling of working closely with someone she cares about washing away all of her worries. She grins as she feels Bruce’s arms wrap around her waist again as he nuzzles his head into her neck. She just hums in content, dishing out the dumplings and veggie stir fry. She could honestly get used to this.

---

Marinette blinks sleepily as she sits up on the couch, trying to figure out when she fell asleep. Glancing around, she smiles tiredly at Bruce.

“C’mere.” She says, reaching out for him. He chuckles.

“I’ve gotta go, Mari.” He says softly and she whines.

“No, don’t leave.” She asks, smiling in success as he sits back down next to her. She leans up against him, almost back asleep when he says:

“I have to go love, but I’ll stay until you fall asleep.” Well that’s not gonna happen. She pushes herself back up and forces her eyes open, frowning at Bruce’s laugh.

“If I sleep, you’re gonna leave.” She says with a pout. Bruce kisses the top of her head and she melts into his touch, eyes fluttering shut and- NO. Stay awake.

“How about I come back in the morning and we can have breakfast together?” He suggests and she sighs, leaning against him again.

“Fine, but I’ll get you to stay sometime. The nightmares always stay away when you’re here.” She says sleepily. He says something, but she doesn’t process it before she’s asleep again.

---

“Bruce, hi?” Marinette says, blinking in confusion at her boyfriend.

“Hey Mari, you didn’t forget about breakfast, did you?” He asks with a teasing smile. She frowns, as she tries to remember when they scheduled that. Her eyes widen when she realizes he definitely asked her last night. When she was half asleep. And had no filter.

“Oh my god, please tell me I didn’t say anything too embarrassing last night.” She begs, hiding her head in his chest. He chuckles.

“You mean besides the proposal?” He asks. She gasps and jumps away.

“No, I didn’t- did I-” She stammers out, pausing when she realizes he’s barely holding back a smile. She narrows her eyes. “You are an absolute ass, Bruce.” She says, glaring at him. He shakes his head.

“I’m sorry love, it’s just so easy to tease you sometimes.” He says, leaning in to kiss her. She huffs, but kisses him back, the butterflies exploding in her stomach. After a few more dizzying kisses, she pulls back, taking a deep breath.

“So is there a reason for our random breakfast date?” She asks, trying to decide how she should dress as she was still currently in her pajamas.

“I actually thought we could talk about a few things.” He says, with a small wince. Her heart drops.

“Are you breaking up with me?” She asks, terrified of his answer. His eyes widen and he shakes his head frantically.

“No, oh god no, Mari, I- I just wanted to tell you some more things about me, let you decide if you want to get out now.” He says, and she lets out a sigh of relief before jumping forward and wrapping her arms around her boyfriend’s neck.

“As long as you aren’t secretly a super villain, you couldn’t get rid of me.” She assures him, sighing as she feels him relax. She steps back and grins at him. “So, what’s the plan?”

“I thought that maybe we could drive through somewhere and grab something quick, then go to my place?” He suggests, and though it sounds simple enough, she can see his nervousness.

“Bruce, if you don’t want me to-” She starts, but he shakes his head.

“I want you to be in my life. I’m just worried that you’ll see me differently.” He says and she kisses him quickly.

“Well let me go get dressed so that we can go and maybe reassure you that I’m not about to run for the hills.” She says softly before rushing back to her room to get dressed. Her mind runs through a million different scenarios as she gets dressed, but she honestly can’t think of one where she would just leave him. Minus the whole villain thing. That was the only deal breaker she could think of. Shaking her head, she grabs her purse before walking back into the living room and grinning at Bruce. He smiles back and grabs her hand, but she can practically feel how nervous he is. She raises an eyebrow as he opens the car door for her.

“Do you not like it?” He asks, and she snorts.

“Bruce, honey, I have no knowledge on cars except this one is shiny. And a different one than I’ve seen you use before.” She says, grinning as she manages to make him blush slightly.

“Oh, uh, well. I like this one more, and thought it would help with the conversation.” He says and she raises an eyebrow. How would a shiny car help with a conversation? She just gets in the car, frowning at the person across the street taking a picture of them. Once Bruce is in the car, the person walks away and she narrows her eyes.

“I don’t mean to alarm you, but that person definitely just took a picture of us.” She says, surprised that instead of getting angry, Bruce just sighs.

“Marinette, how much do you know about the Wayne family?” He asks.

“Well, I know that they own Wayne Enterprises and that Wayne Enterprises owns a lot of Gotham. And they do a lot of charity work, but that’s about it.” She admits, grinning sheepishly. She’d meant to look into it more after Bruce told her he works at Wayne Enterprises, and especially after she heard a customer talking about a recent attack on the building, but she’d forgotten and now she felt like an idiot.

“My last name is Wayne.” Bruce says, and she just shrugs.

“Okay, so you’re related to the Wayne Enterprises people?” She asks, and he sighs.

“Mari, I am the Wayne Enterprises people. I’m Bruce Wayne, CEO of the company.” He says and she suddenly understands. It’s just like when she was in lycée and Adrien got nervous around people who knew he was an Agreste. Her amazingly sweet, smart boyfriend was worried about what she’d think about him now. She reaches out and grabs the hand that he had left between them, squeezing it tightly before smiling.

“And my last name is Dupain Cheng. My parents own one of the most successful patisseries in France. I adore you, mon cher, because you’re you. Not because your last name is Wayne.” She reassures him, he smiles at her softly and she laughs. “Look at the road, Bruce. I’d rather get where we’re going in one piece.” She says.

“There’s something else, Mari.” He says. She hums and raises an eyebrow. “I have two sons.” For a moment she panics. She didn’t know anything about being a mom, the most she’d been around kids was when she babysat throughout school. Before she can let herself spiral, she takes a breath. He wasn’t asking her to be a mom all of a sudden, he was just telling her. He was opening up.

“How old are they?” She asks, grinning at the wide smile he gives her in return.

“Dick is 18 and recently moved out. Jason is 13.” He says and Mari frowns. Was Bruce a teen dad? He hadn’t mentioned their mom, did he do it all on his own? That must’ve been extremely stressful. It couldn’t have been easy. And the company? It- “I can see you panicking, love. What is it?” He asks, frowning.

“You must’ve been a teenager when Dick was born! Did you do it all on your own? How in the world could you run a company and be a father so young and-”

“They’re both adopted.” He says, and she breathes a sigh of relief.

“I was so concerned for little you!” She exclaims. “I felt so awful that you had so much responsibility so young.” She admits and he chuckles.

“Trust me, even if I had been a teen parent, I wouldn’t have been alone. Alfred would have been there for me.” He says.

“Alfred?” She asks.

“Technically he’s the Wayne family butler, but he’s more like a father to me than anything else.” Bruce explains and she grins.

“He sounds amazing.” She says and Bruce smiles awkwardly.

“I was hoping you’d say that. I wanted to introduce the two of you. Today.”

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#brucinette #maribat bruce wayne #maribat marinette dupain cheng #maribat #maribat fanfiction #maribat ao3 fic #ao3fic #maribat ladybug #maribat batman #MaribatHalloween21 #maribatoctrp21

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forever-rogue · 4 years ago

Note

Hi! If you're taking requests can I please request a fluffy piece of where Javi and his f!partner fell in love and Javi brings her home to Texas for the first time to meet his Dad. And at some point his Dad sees them being so cute and sweet with eachother and he's never seen Javi so happy before.

A/N: Enjoy some fluff and softness!

Pairing: Javi x Fem!Reader

Word Count: 2.3k

Warnings: mentions of pregnancy

MASTERLIST

JAVIER MASTERLIST

»»————-　♡　————-««

“You’re nervous,” Javier’s tone was filled with amusement as he walked into the bedroom to find you in front of the mirror, holding up two different outfit options. The look on your face was nothing but pure distress as you realized that one outfit was too formal and the other was almost too informal. Sighing, you turned to him with a pout on your lips as held up the outfits, “Dulzura - what’s going on?”

“I’m not nervous!”

“I’ve known you for years, I know that look on your face,” he came over and took both hangers from your hands and tossed them on the bed. Large, warm hands found your face as he pulled you in for a gentle, saccharine kiss, “calma, mi alma.”

“I’m not nervous, Javier,” you scoffed indignantly as he quirked a brow in question, "I'm fucking terrified! I'm meeting your whole family today for the first time! How am I not supposed to be nervous?"

"It'll be fine-"

"At your cousin's wedding-"

"They're going to adore you-"

"They're meeting me - your fiance - for the first time. At a huge wedding. With your entire family there,” you huffed, feeling your churn at the mere thought of it all, “it’s a little scary, Javi. And I don’t want them to think I’m trying to take away attention from anybody. I don’t want to be that person.”

“You’ve taken down Escobar and Cali,” he laughed warmly before pulling you into his arms as you buried your face into his shoulder, “and you’re nervous about a wedding?”

“Much scarier,” it was a pathetic whimper in protest.

“They already know about you,” he reminded you gently, “it’s not like this is the first they’re hearing about you.”

“I know,” pulling back, you cast a dismal glance at the outfits that were unceremoniously dumped on your bed, “I just want them to like me. It’s your family, Javi, they’ll be my family too.”

“They’re going to love you,” he insisted with an air of finality before pressing a kiss to your forehead. You couldn’t help but grin at him; the two of you had been through so much together and apart, and you knew that you really could handle anything life through you at the two of you, but this seemed...different. Insurmountable.

Gone were the days of chasing after criminals and bad guys through the streets and jungles of Colombia and in were the days of quiet, domestic bliss. You’d already started building a home in Texas with him, and taken on the simple life you’d been dreaming of for some time. Nothing was going to take that away from you and get it still terrified you.

“I love you,” you whispered as he offered you the grin you had fallen in love with so long ago. His soft brown eyes crinkled in the corners as his single dimple made its appearance, “Javi.”

“I love you,” he promised, “come on, let’s finish getting ready and get this over with. I have a few plans for you tonight.”

“Mhmm,” you rested your hands on his broad chest before lightly pushing back, causing him to jokingly pout at you. As soon as you heard the world plans, something sparked within you and you immediately knew what you wanted to wear. Turning towards the closet, you offered him a cheeky wink before pulling out a lacy red dress. His eyes instantly widened at the sight of the dress; it had always been one of his favorites on you, “what do you think? Too much?”

“It’s perfect, Dulzra,” he had to work to hold back a groan as he pictured you in it, “you’re going to knock them dead.”

»»————-　♡　————-««

Of course, Javier had been right. His family had taken to you like fish to water. Almost as if they could sense that they might overwhelm you all at once, they came over in small droves to introduce themselves and welcome you to their family. Honestly, you didn’t even have to say much as they were happy to do all the talking and Javier was more than happy to talk - brag - about you in detail and tell them everything about you. You were practically glowing from the praise, and found it easy and effortless to find your place within it all.

But the singular most important person was Chucho - Javier’s father. You hoped he would like you, hoped he would think you were good for his son, hoped he would know how much you loved Javier.

You were sitting at the table, eating some dessert and chatting with one of Javier’s cousins, Adrianna, when you heard a throat clear from behind you. Turning around, you found Chucho offering you a small smile and extended his hand to you.

��Do you have a moment, mija?” he asked softly as you nodded. Of course you weren’t about to turn him down. Your heart thumped nervously as you nodded and stood up, taking his hand while you tried to calm your racing mind; this wasn’t anything bad, this was good and you had nothing to worry about. Still - it felt like a huge task.

“Of course,” you offered up a nervous smile as you let him lead you outside of the small reception hall and out into the gardens. You had spotted Javier talking to a few people, a beer clutched in his hand, and a megawatt grin on his face as he laughed at something. It was enough to suck the air from your lungs as you realized just how much you loved this man. Your longing little glance wasn’t lost on Chucho, who simply laughed to himself. As soon as you stepped outside, you took in a long breath of fresh air. You were glad you had come to Texas with Javier; it was beautiful here and you were happy to build a home, a family - a life here.

“You really love him, don’t you?” he asked as he sat down on one of the benches and beckoned for you to join him. A flush of warmth rose up in your chest and cheeks as you nodded and sat down next to him, “I can tell. He loves you too - won’t ever stop talking about you. And the way he looks at you...I’ve never seen him look at anyone like that before.”

“Not even-”

“Not even Lorraine,” he explained as you let a small sigh of relief as he laughed at you, “you have nothing to worry about, mija. Javier’s not going anywhere. Do you know about the first time he told me about you?”

“No,” you cringed slightly, remembering the beginning of your relationship - just your work relationship. Needless to say it was not love at first; the two of you were constantly at each other’s throats, always having to have the last word. It was a slow progression from rivals to friends to lovers; but when you started falling in love with him, it was fast and hard and there was no stopping it. You never really believed in soul mates, or someone being the one, but with Javier...you just knew. He was the one and only for you. Just like he had changed your perspective on many things, you had caused him to completely change too. You made him in the best possible version of himself, he always claimed.

“Oh mija,” he laughed as he took a sip of his beer, “he called me and he was absolutely livid, he went on and on about the new partner he had, how he couldn’t stand her, how she was too much and he was positive she wouldn’t last.”

“Yeah, that sounds about right. Javi and I didn’t like each other for a long time,” you laughed; you still remembered the look on his face the day you had met him. It was anything but love back then, “we were at it for a long time. I didn’t know if we’d ever get along but...obviously things turned out very differently. I love him, a lot. More than anything really.”

“It’s obvious,” he agreed, “I can just see it in the way the two of you look at each other. He’s different now - better, more himself. You’ve helped him more than now.”

“He’s helped me too,” you admitted softly. The two of you had been through so much both separately and together - more darkness and demons than many people have ever seen. But it was like you always managed to chase the darkness away from one another, bringing in some light and love into each other’s lives in every which way, I really don’t know what I’d do without him. I hope...I hope I have your blessing to marry your son. Nothing in the world would make me happier.”

“Of course,” he took your hand and gave it a gentle squeeze as you sniffled lightly in an attempt to hold back your tears, “our family is yours. Javier made the best choice ever with you.”

“You have no idea how much that means to me,” you grinned at him and suddenly the whole world seemed lighter. You knew that in the end you would stay with Javier, no matter what happened, but knowing you were so welcome in their family and already so loved made everything better, “I was so nervous at first...I know how much you mean to Javi, and it means a lot to me too.”

“You’re very important to us too,” he promised, “we’ve been looking forward to meeting you since the day he told us about you. Will you tell me one thing? And if Javier doesn’t know yet, I promise I won’t breathe a word to him…”

“What is it?” your heart leapt in your chest as you wondered what he could be asking you, although you had a feeling you knew.

“When is my grand baby coming? When are you due?” as soon as he asked his question your jaw dropped and you looked at him with wide eyes. You weren’t even showing yet, and didn’t think it was that obvious, “oh come on, I had a wife once, and she had Javier. I’ve been around enough pregnant women to know when someone is expecting. Plus you didn’t touch a drop of alcohol - and that’s kind of apparent at a wedding. He doesn’t know, does he?”

“I found out a few weeks ago,” you admitted sheepishly, a hand subconsciously going to your belly, “I’m almost three months along. We weren’t planning it or not planning it, and it just happened. It took me by surprise too. But I...I’m so excited. Javier is going to be a great father and I’m so excited to share all of this with him. I never thought I wanted all of this - a husband, a child, a home and a family but...I do. With Javier. Sure, things aren’t always perfect, but I wouldn’t want anyone else.”

“Kids in love,” he laughed lightly as you shrugged in agreement, “when are you going to tell him?”

“Do you think I should tell Javier now?”

“Tell Javier what?” at the sound of his familiar voice, you turned around and found Javier walking up to the two of you. You looked nervously at Chucho for what to do, but he just jerked his head in Javier’s direction and nodded, “what’s wrong, Dulzura?”

“Javi,” you stood up and reached for his hand, which he eagerly took and laced his fingers together with yours. You kissed his cheek before softly whispering, “I have something big to tell you.”

“Something big to tell me?” he asked with a raised eyebrow, “what - you’re nervous again...it’s not like we’re going to have a baby or anything!”

At his declaration, your mouth dropped and you gaped at him like a fish out of water for a few moments. Noticing your hesitation, his face went through a series of expressions, “umm...Javier? You’re going to be a father, my love. So yes, it is like we’re having a baby.”

“Seriously?” he asked in surprise as his hands went to either side of your face and he wiped away the few tears that had rolled down your cheeks, “Dulzura…”

“Surprise,” you grinned at him before he kissed you, “are you happy, Javi? Please tell me you’re happy.”

“I am perfect,” his reassurance was gentle and soft as he nuzzled his nose against yours, “this is everything I never knew I wanted. I love you so much.”

“I love you too, Javier.”

»»————-　♡　————-««

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#javier peña #javier peña x reader #javier peña x fem!reader #javier peña x you #pedro pascal #pedro pascal x reader #narcos #requests

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thehiddenmemoryuniverse · 3 years ago

Text

Lucifer Ending: Tragedy and Contradiction

Okay, so I tried really hard to resist the urge to post anything about it, and I even held out for over a week trying to process/calm my feelings about the ending to Lucifer. I’ve tried, I really have, but the more I try, the more I CANNOT rationalize that ending. As you may have guessed, I absolutely hated the ending, and I just really, really, have to get my feelings out about it. If you liked the ending (I really wish I could be you!!), you may want to skip reading any further (I recommend you do, in fact).

Ultimately, regardless of the details, that ending for Chloe/Lucifer is just way too heartbreakingly tragic and sad, however, this is made all the more unbearable because none of it makes ANY damn sense.

I’m just going to start by pasting a bunch of quotes first:

2x05

Lucifer: I refuse to believe that. There is always another way.

Mum: If anyone can find it, it's you.

2x02 Chloe: “Doing what's best for your child, it doesn't always make them happy.”

3x16

Cain: But you're the Devil, you always keep your word.

Lucifer: I do. So I hope you understand how difficult a decision this was. And yet, oddly, the easiest I've ever made.

6x01

Lucifer: I love you, Chloe Decker. I'd do anything for you. Except give you up. Give us up.

6x09

Lucifer: I need you to know that if there is any choice to be had at all, I will always... choose us.

6x07

Rory: You make choices, Mom. If I told you what they are, you wouldn't really be making them any more.

Yeah. Not going to comment further on these right now.

Nor am I going to even get into the whole fate vs free will. Regardless of your views on that debate, why on earth a show about free will spends its final season spotlighting the widespread, controversial debate of fate vs free will by introducing a time loop plot, I’ll never understand.

But even if we forget the numerous issues/contradictions with that (and the ridiculous irony of Rory’s quote shown above), and accept that Lucifer and Chloe chose this, I honestly feel like screaming because WHY??? Why on earth would they EVER want to chose this?

I know the 2 reasons given, the reasons everyone is speaking up with, the reasons expanded on at length in fanfiction, and I’ve tried really, REALLY hard to rationalize them in my head, tried to enjoy the sweet moments fanfic writers are trying to make of it, but I cannot. Because it doesn’t make any damn sense whatsoever to me.

Reason # 1: Lucifer never would’ve realized his ‘calling’ to help tortured souls in Hell.

Right. First of all, if it really is his ‘calling’ he would figure it out eventually because that’s what a bloody calling is. I mean really. Not to mention there was plenty of evidence that he was figuring it out already, and him figuring it out after actually helping people in hell (Jimmy, Dan, Mr. Said out bitch), makes way more sense than stopping someone from making the mistake of killing someone else.

And second, even if we accept the argument that he wouldn’t find his calling, we are then saying that he chose his ‘calling’ over his own family, the people he loves most of all? That’s beyond awful to me. And pretty much destroys all of the growth and beauty and love and development across the series. A complete contradiction to even earlier in series 6. See above quotes. Lucifer tells Chloe he’d do anything for her, except give her up, give them up. He tells her if there’s ever any choice to be had he would chose them (his family). So, what the heck? Which leads me to reason 2, and beware with continuing because this is UNBEARABLY frustrating to me so I may get a bit heated. I just can’t. I can’t understand this. Reason #2: They did it for their daughter, because she asked them to, because she didn’t want them to change her, because she’s happy with who she is, etc, etc..

This is the most widely accepted reason, the most referenced in fanfic, that it’s so beautiful because Lucifer and Chloe sacrificed everything for their daughter because they loved her so much.

I’m sorry, I really am, I tried so hard to make sense of this but it makes the least sense to me of all.

Why on EARTH is Rory growing up without her father better for her? Why on earth would Lucifer, of all people, knowing the pain it causes, ever chose that for his daughter?

This is not sacrificing for their daughter, this is sacrificing for NOTHING at all. This is doing the ABSOLUTE worst for their daughter, all because she asked them to?

And her asking them to in the first place makes no sense either. Why on earth would Rory ASK for it after all the pain it caused her? Earlier she told Lucifer and Chloe that him leaving ‘ruined her life’, and now all of a sudden she’s happy with it? After seeing and reading how much Lucifer and Chloe loved each other she wants to separate them? After saying she now loves Lucifer too she wants to do that to him? And you can’t tell me it’s her being selfless because she thinks he won’t find his ‘calling’ otherwise, because even if he doesn’t (which he would for reasons above), then again we are saying they are choosing a ‘calling’ over family, over those they love most. Or, even worse, Rory, is choosing FOR HIM and ROBBING him of his choice to chose his family over his ‘calling’.

No matter what way you spin it, it is just all kinds of wrong and messed up, and does not showcase the love the characters have for each other, nor the freedom of choice.

There’s nothing beautiful about any of this to me. It’s just plain awful and cruel for NO REASON.

Yes, I know I’m missing one popular theme with all of this, and I might just hate this one most of all: That even though Rory suffered it made her stronger, she’s proud of who she is, and they don’t want to change her, don’t want to ‘kill’ this version of Rory who grew up without her dad.

No. Just no. This pains me immensely. So we’re saying that she’s a better person having grown up without a Dad than she would’ve been growing up with a complete, loving family? That people who grow up with loving families can’t be as strong and proud of who they are? WTF?

Sure, we as people are only strong in life when we need to be but that doesn’t mean that someone who grew up more fortunate doesn’t still have the capacity for that strength (or that they don’t suffer in other ways).

Yeah, it’s beautiful when you grew up abandoned and were able to eventually overcome it, but in reality you’ll always be scarred to some degree, and you certainly would have been less messed up, happier if you hadn’t.

Changing the time loop so that Rory could grow up with her father in her life wouldn’t ‘kill’ her. Fundamentally she’d still be the same, still would have grown up with her ‘kickass’ mom. All the good parts would still be there. There would just be even more good and much less of the bad.

How on earth would Chloe and Lucifer not want to chose that?

There is no way anyone can ever convince me that you come out better growing up abandoned by your father than you would have if he hadn’t. Just no.

We are strong and proud to overcome something only when WE HAVE NO CHOICE. CHOOSING to suffer just to show how great you are afterward for overcoming it when you could have chosen NOT to suffer at all, is just the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard.

It reminds me of a quote from one of my childhood movies, the original “Lion King.’ Little Simba tells his dad he went looking for danger to show that he’s brave, and his dad answers, “I’m only brave when I have to be.”

So. Circling back. Ignoring the debate on whether or not there was even a choice given (fate vs free will and ridiculous time loops). Ignoring that Lucifer likely (and should have) been able to find his ‘calling’ anyway.

Then, in summary, we are left with Lucifer (and Chloe) ‘choosing’ for Lucifer to leave them for Hell, abandoning them both (and Trixie) because either

1) Lucifer’s calling is more important than being with his family

2) Rory wants to suffer, to let her parents suffer an unimaginable amount of pain, just to show that she comes out better for it, even when she can choose not to suffer at all. And Chloe and Lucifer are both in agreement that this is best for them and their daughter.

What. The. Hell???!!

I’m sorry, but there’s no rationale for this. None. At. All.

I’ll be the first to admit that I would never be happy with such a devastatingly heartbreaking ending no matter what the reasons, but, HOLY HELL, can they at least have had it make even the smallest amount of SENSE?!

It’s just angst for the sake of angst, and I especially did not expect this from this show. It was always a show not to be taken too seriously, not to overthink and just have fun with, and that’s what made it work for me. But then they decide it’s a good idea to 1) throw in a time loop plot when time loops in fiction is pretty much the definition of serious complexity and making viewers overthink. And 2) have it end with such a tragic and sad ending that makes no sense. I am so sick and tired of the trend now days that shows can’t have happy endings.

(Edit: Now look what happened. I’ve gone and made another rant: https://thehiddenmemoryuniverse.tumblr.com/post/663357629901438976/lucifer-morningstars-broken-journey)

#Lucifer #lucifer spoilers #lucifer season 6 #deckerstar #discussion #Lucifer discussion

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