#i am a monster
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#spilled ink#kinda depressing#words words words#tw depressing stuff#depressing shit#depressing quotes#sad quotes#tw depressing thoughts#quote#sorry for being depressing#spilled thoughts#spilled feelings#sad thoughts#sad poem#sadgirl#toxic parents#parenting#the eldest#the eldest daughter#money#mom and dad#i hate my mom#i am a monster#i hate my mother
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i knew damn well what i was doing taking this route but this still shattered me
also bryan's performance in this scene is absolutely immaculate
#I AM A MONSTER#i do think it's lowkey hilarious how hank just goes about his day discarding connor's existential crisis right there#also is there a way for simon not to get shot?#i chose to tackle the guard who was about to call for reinforcements#but i guess maybe if i had gone after the other one then simon would've been okay??#dbh#detroit become human#rk800#dbh connor
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soapghost hunger games au where simon is johnny's mentor send post
#i have no tags#only pain#between the zombie au and the hunger games au mu heart is in shambles#why is it always johnny that dies in my aus#why do i make simon suffer#i am a monster#ghost cod#soap cod#soapghost#ghoap#cod headcanons#cod fics
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Leo: dang. This mummy cosplay cost an arm and a leg *showing off arm stump*
Donnie: NOT FUNNY NARDO
we all have our coping mechanisms dont we
#Donnie going through like ten layers of horror and trauma#life is suffering#i am a monster#Leo (having also gone through trauma and horror)#lol mummy#asks#anon asks#snapdonnie
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How much would it take you to kill off a listener?
I did it for free already in 2022.
youtube
And again in 2023 (though this is a softer death because Slashers can resurect as ghouls)
youtube
I will be killing a Listener again very soon.
#I am a monster#None of you are safe#I love killing main characters#George RR Martin and Alfred Hitchcock are two of my biggest influences#scythe audio#slash and the basher#the reddening#escaped audios misery
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"I have no mouth and I must scream."
#the owl house#toh hunter#hunter noceda#willow toh#willow park#huntlow#the road trip#the owl house fanfiction#You have no idea#I am a monster
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I actually hate myself like why did I watch Silicon Valley, now I’m obsessed with gilfoyle and have dutifully read every jarfoyle and dinfoyle fic on ao3 fucking shit goddamn it
#silicon valley hbo#bertram gilfoyle#dinesh chugtai#jared dunn#dinfoyle#jarfoyle#i am a monster#and cannot be trusted with television#and like#what do i do now#I finished the show#it’s over#what am I supposed to write fic again#…what is this 2015?
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Nimona illuminates the final part of my entire gender crisis and not only what led up to who I am but the truth of who I am and who I know myself to be.
I use she/her, they/them, and any and all pronouns.
I grew up knowing I was different like most trans people. I could never explain it because I never had the words. That inability to understand what any of my confused and festering feelings meant.
I grew up alone. I had family, but they were so invested in turning me into the ideal man that they refused to meet me at my level.
As I entered school, friends didn’t last very long. My longest friendship was 4 months until I entered college. I still don’t talk to anyone from high school because no one cared to invest their time into me. So I stayed lonely.
It had been long past the time I’d discovered it was a gender issue. At 12, I discovered that being a guy at all was distasteful to me. Acting masculine felt like I was pouring acid on my skin while being told to not act feminine was, fittingly, like stifling tears. You know they want to come out and they will eventually and you can’t stop it no matter how hard people tell you not to, but you bottle it anyways because people won’t like you if you cry.
That bottling.
That shoving down all of those trans emotions.
They don’t go away.
And when you also live in Utah, the state of the high and mighty. The self-righteous. And you hear EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. For 21 years. “Being gay is a sin.” “Being trans won’t get you to heaven.” Hearing the scoffs of disapproval at a guy acting feminine. Seeing the bullying. Witnessing the abuse and control your parents carve into you by saying things like “stop acting like that” or “walk it off” or “you do what we tell you because you live in our house.”
They wait. And they bubble.
It’s like a volcano. Pressure builds. For 10 years, it builds. And that volcano does release steam every once in a while. But it sits. And waits. Until it can’t anymore. And then…
People used to think volcanos were monstrous creatures that sat beneath the earth. It’s not true for real volcanos. It’s true for people.
It hit in high school. All of that pent up frustration. All of that anger and rage and sorrow. Just slowly releases for 5 years. And the wild thing is that it just. Kept. Going. I hit 22-23 and I was still ripping my own world to shreds. Friendships, family relationships, a marriage. All torn into tatters.
And it wasn’t just the undiagnosed ADHD. It was a person who kept forcing herself to fit into the boxes and the roles and the expectations of a girl who was trying to fit the mold of a lie. A false ideal. A belief that someone else had shackled her with.
And when she broke those shackles, she saw how people saw her.
As a monstrosity. An abomination. A creature. A demon. A nameless entity that people refused to care about or accept.
That monstrosity tried to kill herself 3 times over that span of 7-ish years, almost adding another tally to Utah’s record of being the state with the most suicides. Because like Nimona said…
"I don't know what's scarier. The fact that everyone in this kingdom wants to run a sword through my heart... or that sometimes, I just wanna let them."
I’m much better now. After my marriage fell apart, I got into therapy. I got my ADHD diagnosis and I’m working towards getting an anxiety diagnosis and maybe a few other things that are screaming inside the cage that is my brain.
I’m still not good at making friends. Between the neurodivergence and the transgender pride that I carry and wear out in the open, not a lot of people want to hitch their cart to a fluidflux creature like me.
I don’t bottle my feelings anymore. I also don’t take shit from the people that continue to view my existence as a threat or treat me like a villain, an abomination, and a curse. Because as we all know, people fear what they don’t understand. And even when what they don’t understand is me, a “monster”, they try to kill me or force me outside the walls or attempt to capture, restrain, and shove me into a box.
I considered letting them win several years ago. Never again.
However, that ideal that Nimona carried sits within my soul.
Maybe I am a monster. Maybe it’s why I hyperfixate on gods and monsters and myths and the darker side of the stories we’re told and the creatures that loom in the shadows.
Because I know how the world sees me. They see a monster.
And maybe that’s not so much of a bad thing. Maybe it’s better to be the thing they fear.
#nimona#trans pride#personal rant#i am a monster#and I accept it#and i love it#and you can’t stop me#I strive to be the thing you fear#I will be your worst nightmare
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The inside of my brain is just the trail to oregon on repeat.
#here's the keys jingle jingle#lobsters will play no significant role in my life grandpa#oh general store guy#fatheeeeer one of your family will die#what are yooooouuuu the watcher with a thousand eyyyyes#why do you wanna watch us die ?#woukd that entertain you ?#you sick bastards#so youre the other woman uh ?#theres a gap in the road !#its a river dad its called a river#I N D E P E D ENCE !#I AM A MONSTER#goodbye dad i did not love you more than mom but i certainly feared you less#oh sorry i just got my hopes up for one second there#bohoho why would you ever do that#oh i do know why#because if you dont#ill kill you#WOAH#did you just faked you own dead ? what kind of parent are you ?#h e l l o#t i t t y m i t t y#the trail to oregon
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I have come to the conclusion that I will no longer be mowing the lawn of the monastery. For no reason in particular.
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I AM MEANT TO BE EVIL AND CAUSE MASS CHAOS UPON MORTAL REALMS BUT NO. THESE CREATURES HAVE NO SENSE FEAR WHEN SOMETHING IS REMOTELY FLUFFY.
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#spilled ink#sadgirl#spilled feelings#spilled thoughts#sad poem#sorry for being depressing#sad thoughts#sad quotes#depressing shit#self h@rm#i am so tired#i am not okay#i am so sorry#i am a monster#monster#words words words#depressing quotes#tw depressing stuff#quote#tw depressing thoughts#kinda depressing
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just realised in the uni au i'm writing , the Captain will actually look like young ben willbond?? can't believe i'm putting that young man through shit, he looks like such a precious angel
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what if i made it so that the bestiary always has one unfillable entry no matter how many entries are in the game just so that the menu can never be satisfying to look at
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been reading the 1831 edition of frankenstein for a class and it’s making me notably worse
the binge listening of the magnus archives is not helping
#this is /pos btw#i love frankenstein#my favorite book probably#chewing gnawing on the woodwork#victor frankenstein is so fucking silly#my classmates despise him#understandably#i love him but i hate him and i’m studying him like a bug and i’m killing him and reviving him repeatedly#paired with binge listening to the magnus archives…#i am a monster#mary shelly's frankenstein#frankenstein#tma podcast#the magnus archives
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awe, cute snake… right?
WRONG
I AM A MONSTER OF UNIMAGINABLE HORRORS AND I WANT TO BE PERCEIVED AS SUCH I NEED TO PUT ANYONE WHO SEES ME INTO FIGHT OR FLIGHT THEY MUST DO AS I SAY WHILE THEY SHAKE IN TERROR
I AM NOT TO BE MESSED WITH
#emerald tree boa#snakekin#snake kin#snake therian#boa therian#boa kin#fangs#I BITE#I WON’T HESITATE#snake otherkin#snake alterhuman#snake nonhuman#I AM A MONSTER#TREAT ME LIKE ONE#FEAR ME#alterhuman#alterhuman community#nonhuman#nonhuman community
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