#i am a minor ok i decide the freaks who will and will not interact | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

yuutaok · 8 months ago

Text

⊹ ‧₊˚✿ Spring Leaves, But I Never Will

Yuuta Okkotsu x Reader

In the eerie mountain forest, you seek to find what is missing. Lost and disoriented, you encounter a mysterious boy with eyes like the dead, his presence is captivating. With a gentle hand, he beckons you, and you follow.

⊹ ‧₊˚✿ Word Count: ~4.4K

⊹ ‧₊˚✿ Content Warnings: 18+ MDNI (Minors Do Not Interact), P in V, AFAB! Reader, prone bone, unprotected sex, creampies, posessiveness, supernatural/paranormal stuff happens, open-ended ending, Reader is lost in a forest and meets Yuuta, Yuuta is a freak

⊹ ‧₊˚✿ Author's note: Hiii I am back with a vengeance. Belated birthday fic for Yuuta ♡ Life exploded me so I never got the chance to finish until now. Also, I would like to thank Sen (@/ banjjakz) for inspiring some of the horror aspects of this <3 They have such a lovely way of writing such mysterious horror that I deeply wanted to try my hand at, so please go read their Yuuta fics bc they are sooooo delicious ok I'll stop swooning now byeeeeee

Lost amidst the dense, foreboding forests of the mountains, you trudged forward, the fading sunlight casting long shadows across the winding trail. Your heart felt heavy with the weight of recent events, the memory of your painful breakup still fresh in your mind. It had only been a couple of days, of course your heart would still hurt and your hands would still shake. And still, the need to escape, to clear your head and find solace amidst the solitude of nature, had driven you to embark on this day-hike alone.

The townsfolk often whispered about this mountain as a haunt for the heartbroken.

And so, here you were.

The hike was pleasant. You took the time to leisurely look at every interesting formed rock or beautiful sprouting flower that you had stumbled upon. Spring had just begun and it felt nice to be in the calm serenity of nature. You took care to not stray too far from the beaten path but still found your way crunching through the trees to look at specimens that caught your eye. It was a great way to get your mind off of things, to forget about life for just a moment.

But now, as the sky darkened and the woods grew eerily silent around you, regret gnawed at the edges of your resolve. Perhaps venturing into the wilderness alone had been a mistake, a reckless act born of heartache. Panic tightened its grip on your chest as you realized that dusk was fast approaching, and you had yet to find your way back to civilization.

With each step you took through the dense undergrowth of the forest, the sense of urgency weighed heavy on your shoulders. Nervously, you glanced at the sky, watching as the sun dipped lower and lower, casting long shadows that danced ominously through the trees. Hope flickered like a dying flame within you, faltering as the daylight waned faster than anticipated.

Your mind wandered to the rumors that had long circulated about the mountain, tales of heartbroken souls seeking solace among the towering trees, only to vanish without a trace.

It was said that the forest held secrets whispered confessions etched into the bark of the old oak trees, and love letters left behind by those who had come seeking solace from their pain. But these were not ordinary declarations of affection; they were haunting, twisted reflections of despair, each word filled with grief, obsession, and heartbreak. You have heard people say that love is the worst curse of all.

Some claimed to have heard mournful voices echoing through the woods, the ghostly whispers of lovers calling out into the darkness, their cries fading into gusts of wind and rustling leaves. Others spoke of strange symbols carved into the earth, cryptic messages left behind by those who had succumbed to the forest's embrace.

You still had decided to come, despite the unsubstantiated rumors that were whispered by the old grannies in the surrounding town. You’d be damned if you suffocated under the weight of your heartache. But as you delved deeper and deeper into the forest, you couldn’t shake the feeling of being watched— honestly, maybe the old ladies knew something you didn’t.

Panic clawed at the edges of your mind, threatening to consume you whole. Desperate, you called out into the silent woods, your voice echoing into the vast expanse of darkness that surrounded you, “Hello…? Is anybody out there? Can anyone hear me?”

But the only response was the feeling of eyes on the back of your head and the haunting whisper of the wind through the branches, carrying with it a sense of desolation that chilled you to the bone.

With each passing moment, the forest seemed to close in around you, its shadows stretching like grasping fingers eager to ensnare their prey. You were never quite fond of the dark.

Heart pounding, you broke into a run, stumbling through the underbrush in a frantic search for anything familiar. Each rustle of leaves and snap of twigs beneath your feet sent a jolt of fear coursing through your veins, your breaths coming in ragged gasps as you raced against the encroaching darkness.

And then, just as panic threatened to consume you whole, you burst through a thicket of bushes, only to collide with an unexpected figure standing in your path. The air left your lungs as you fell flat on your ass.

You looked up at what, or who, you had just crashed head-on into.

It was a boy, his dark eyes gleaming with an unsettling intensity as he regarded you with an enigmatic smile, despite you just pummeling into him with your full force. The shock of the encounter left you speechless, frozen in place as the realization dawned that you were not alone in the woods after all.

You made eye contact with the stranger, and a chill swept through the air, sending a shiver down your spine. His dark hair fell in tousled waves, framing his pale face in an unsettling contrast. His tired eyes bore into you with an intensity that made your skin crawl. A curtain of bangs parted across his forehead, framing his features in a shadowy veil. His lips twisted into a smile and held a hint of something that lurked just beneath the surface.

There was an undeniable aura of unease that surrounded the boy, a sense of foreboding that lingered in the air like a haunting melody. As he extended a hand towards you, offering salvation in the darkness, you couldn't shake the feeling that there was something deeply unsettling about him.

"Are you lost?" he asked, his voice low and soothing. "It's dangerous to be out here alone at night. I can lead you to safety."

You looked up at the stranger incredulously, as if you would be dumb enough to follow a stranger you met out in the woods!

Sending your apprehension, the raven-haired boy smiles kindly, “I promise, I don’t bite. Please, it’s getting late and I don’t think I could live with myself if I left you out here by yourself.”

Weighing out your options, you realized that maybe this was your best choice. It’s either that or freezing out in the woods, or better yet being eaten by some wild animal that you hardly can find yourself against.

You looked around, dazed. With darkness closing in around you and no other options in sight, you accepted his offer.

“Alright,” you sighed. “But please don’t try anything, I’ve been told I have a killer right hook.”

He looks at you, obviously amused, “Of course, I’ll be on my best behavior.”

And begrudgingly you had to admit, despite everything in your body screaming for you to keep running, you felt completely and utterly relieved to see him.

As you followed the raven-haired boy deeper into the woods, the sense of unease only intensified, wrapping around you like a suffocating cloak. "Where are we going?" you finally asked, your voice trembling slightly with apprehension.

His dark eyes flickered with an unreadable emotion as he turned to face you, his expression guarded yet strangely calm. "To my cabin," he replied, his voice low and steady. "It's not far from here. You'll be safe there for the night. You can rest for as long as you need to."

Though his words offered reassurance, there was a lingering doubt in the back of your mind. You had heard stories of people disappearing in these woods, never to be seen again, and the thought sent a chill down your spine.

There was something about the dark-haired man that unsettled you, something that whispered of hidden dangers lurking beneath his calm exterior. And even so, something about him drew you in, made you feel so immediately safe with him.

"Who are you?" you pressed, your voice wavering with a mix of fear and curiosity. "And why were you out here alone?"

Yuuta hesitated for a moment as if weighing his words carefully. "My name is Yuuta Okkotsu," he said finally, his gaze meeting yours with an intensity that sent a shiver down your spine. "I live in the woods, away from civilization. As for why I was out here...let's just say I have my reasons."

His cryptic response only fueled your apprehension, but as the darkness closed in around you and the sound of rustling leaves filled the air, you realized that you had little choice but to trust him, at least for now. With a nod of reluctant acceptance, you followed Yuuta deeper into the woods, praying that you had not just made a grave mistake.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

His cabin appeared suddenly, a rustic structure nestled amidst the towering trees, its windows glowing with the warm light of a fire within.

"I don't usually invite strangers into my home," Yuuta admitted, his gaze lingering on you with a mix of curiosity and something you couldn’t quite place your finger on. "But I can't leave you out here alone. You're welcome to stay until morning." Though grateful for his offer of shelter, you couldn't shake the feeling of unease that settled over you like a shroud.

There was something about Yuuta's demeanor, a subtle intensity in his gaze, that sent shivers down your spine.

You stepped into Yuuta's cabin, grateful for the warmth and shelter it offered. The cozy interior enveloped you in a comforting embrace, dispelling some of the tension that had gripped you since your encounter in the woods. It was humorous actually, how warm the cabin felt in comparison to the uneasiness its owner gave you.

“Home sweet home,” Yuuta said as he took your coat and nodded his head for you to follow him.

Yuuta wasted no time in playing the role of a gracious host, offering you a change of clothes and access to his shower. His bathroom was neat, he didn’t have much, just the basics, but it was still appreciated nonetheless.

As the hot water washed away the dirt and grime of the forest, you felt a sense of relaxation seeping into your bones, soothing the frayed edges of your nerves.

Emerging from the shower feeling refreshed and revitalized. You found Yuuta busy in the kitchen, a delicious aroma of spices and savory delights wafting through the air.

As you peered over his shoulder, you caught a glimpse of the bubbling pot on the stove, filled with rich, fragrant curry. The sight stirred memories of comforting meals shared with loved ones, and you couldn't help but feel a pang of nostalgia. "That smells amazing," you murmured, your mouth watering at the thought of indulging in the hearty dish.

Yuuta glanced up from his cooking, a small smile tugging at the corners of his lips. "It's just a simple curry," he said modestly, though there was a hint of pride in his voice. "But I find that simple comforts are often the most satisfying."

You offered to help, eager to contribute to the meal in some way, but Yuuta shook his head gently. "No need to trouble yourself," he insisted, his gaze softening as he gestured for you to take a seat at the table. "Relax and settle down. I'll take care of everything."

Though you hesitated for a moment, the warmth of Yuuta's demeanor and the promise of a delicious meal were too enticing to resist. With a grateful smile, you sank into a chair, content to watch as Yuuta worked his culinary magic, the comforting rhythm of his movements lulling you into a sense of peace and contentment.

As you settled into Yuuta's cabin, you couldn't help but take in your surroundings with a sense of curiosity. The interior was simple yet cozy, with polished wooden floors that creaked softly underfoot and walls adorned with faded photographs and intricate tapestries.

The cabin had a rustic charm to it, its bare furnishings lending an air of simplicity to the space. Yet, despite its minimalistic design, everything seemed meticulously arranged, each item in its rightful place. There was a sense of order and precision that spoke to Yuuta's meticulous nature, a trait that you found oddly comforting.

On the shelves lining the walls, you noticed an eclectic array of books, their well-worn spines bearing the marks of countless readings. From classic literature to obscure texts on folklore and mysticism, the collection spoke of a curious mind.

Nearby, a shelf displayed a collection of handmade erasers, their vibrant colors and whimsical shapes. You couldn't help but smile at the sight of these charming little creatures. There was a sense of warmth and homeliness to Yuuta's cabin that made you feel strangely at ease. It was as if the space itself radiated a sense of comfort and belonging, welcoming you with open arms into its cozy embrace.

Before you knew it, the food was done and Yuuta served you a steaming plate.

“Thank you for the meal,” you said, nervous.

“It’s my pleasure,” Yuuta replied.

With the two of you sitting down to eat, you found yourself opening up to Yuuta in a way you hadn't expected. You told him about your recent breakup, the pain and heartache that had driven you to seek solace in the wilderness.

Yuuta listened attentively, his dark eyes reflecting a depth of understanding that surprised you. "It's dangerous to be out in the woods alone," he said softly, his voice tinged with a note of concern. "Who knows what evils could be lurking in the darkness? I'm glad I found you when I did." A chill ran down your spine.

Though he had shown you nothing but kindness, you couldn’t quite shake the feeling of anxiety that crept up around Yuuta's presence. He was good company, however, and you worked hard to ignore the way your hands clammed up and each hair on your skin stood up when he leaned in closer to speak with you. You chalked it up to your nerves.

The two of you continued to converse, him asking you more about your life and you asking about his. As Yuuta shared snippets of his past, you found yourself drawn to him in a way you couldn't quite explain. There was a sort of charm to him, an undeniable allure. Despite the lingering doubts that were dancing in the back of your mind, you couldn't deny the attraction you had towards him. You felt like a moth catching fire as it approached an open flame.

With a sigh, Yuuta leaned back against the cushions, his gaze drifting to the dancing flames of his fireplace as if lost in thought. "You know," he begins, his voice a low, melodic murmur that sends shivers down your spine, "I wasn't always a hermit living in the woods." His words hung in the air, heavy with unspoken sorrow.

"What happened?" you ventured softly, your voice barely more than a whisper, to not disturb the mood.

Yuuta's gaze flickered to yours, a hint of sadness lurking in the depths of his dark eyes. "I used to live in the city, surrounded by noise and chaos," he admitted, his words tinged with bitterness. "But... I lost someone very dear to me." His voice trailed off, grief etched into the lines of his face.

"She was my childhood sweetheart," he continued, his voice barely above a whisper as if speaking the words aloud pains him. "We were inseparable, bound together by pure, untainted, love.”

A heavy silence fell between you, broken only by the crackling of the fire and the soft rustle of the wind outside. "She was taken from me," Yuuta murmurs, his voice thick with emotion. "And I... I couldn't bear to stay in that world any longer."

As he spoke, you sensed the weight of his sorrow pressing down on him, a burden too heavy for one mere person to bear alone. "I tried to move on, to forget her and the pain of losing her," Yuuta admitted, his voice raw with emotion. "But no matter how hard I tried, I could never escape the memories of our time together."

“So I left," he confessed, "I left everything behind and retreated into the solitude of the forest, hoping to find something to fill the hole in my heart.”

His words hung in the air, heavy with the weight of his sorrow, and you could not help but feel a surge of empathy for the man before you. At that moment, you realize that Yuuta and you are not so different after all, both haunted by heartbreak, seeking solace in the expanse of trees. In his eyes, you saw a reflection of your desires, a longing for connection and understanding.

But even as your heart yearned to unravel the secrets hidden within Yuuta’s dark and mangled heart, a sense of unease lingered at the edges of your consciousness. There was still something unsettling about the way the shadows seemed to dance around him, as if alive with an energy of their own. Something you couldn’t quite put your finger on…

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

As the night stretched on, the air thick with a palpable tension, you felt a strange sense of drowsiness wash over you. Your eyelids grew heavy with exhaustion as you let out a quiet yawn.

With a soft smile, Yuuta reached out to you. His was touch gentle, yet firm, possessive even. You felt yourself lean into his touch as if he weaved an invisible spell around you.

"You look tired," he murmured, his voice a soothing melody that seemed to echo with the whispers of the forest itself. "Come with me, let me take care of you."

His words washed over you like a warm embrace, dispelling the last glimmers of doubt and fear as you allow yourself to be guided by his steady hand. With a silent nod, you allowed Yuuta to lead you to the bedroom, the warmth of his presence enveloping you like a protective shield as you sank into the soft embrace of the bed.

The room was bathed in the soft glow of moonlight filtering through the curtains, casting shadows across the walls like dancing spirits. He leaned over you, his body flush against yours, his hand steady and reassuring against your skin.

As you lay there, the haze of drowsiness clouding your senses, you felt Yuuta begin to pull away. You grasped at the hem of his shirt, silently begging him not to go.

His features were veiled by the shroud of night, his smile, though unseen, seemed to materialize in the darkness. With a gentle pull, you drew him down to lay beside you.

"Do you want me to stay?" Yuuta's voice, a soft murmur, caressed your ear as his head nestled against your shoulder.

"Yes," you found yourself pleading, the words slipping from your lips in a whispered plea. "Don't leave."

Yuuta's lips brushed gently against your neck, his touch tender yet possessive. "I won’t,” he murmured, “I won’t ever leave,” his voice a velvet whisper that sent shivers down your spine. “I’ll keep you safe, I promise,”

In your sleepy state, you found yourself melting into his touch. Yuuta's kisses trailed a path of fire along your skin. Each kiss was a feather-light caress that seeped into each layer of your skin, burning you from the inside out.

Slowly, he moved up your neck, his lips leaving a trail of warmth in their wake as he explored every inch of your skin with adoration.

As Yuuta's lips found their way to your jaw, you felt yourself melting into his embrace, lost in the dizzying whirlwind that you now understood as Yuuta Okkotsu.

His movements were calm and deliberate, his touch gentle yet commanding as he explored every curve and contour of your body with dedicated devotion. Each touch left you yearning for more. You would die if it meant you could feel this loved forever.

Soon enough, Yuuta’s lips found yours, his kisses both tender and possessive, his passion evident in the way he claimed your lips.

As his lips danced with yours, you found yourself with the thought of never being apart from him. It filled you with a sense of completion. You could feel the depth of his devotion. Could he feel yours?

As if to answer your question, Yuuta’s touch became more urgent, his hands roaming over your body with a ravenous hunger. You felt happy that you could be consumed so ardently, that you found yourself secretly hoping that you at least tasted good.

Breaking out of your thoughts, you realized Yuuta was removing your borrowed clothes bit by bit. He made sure you were left in your panties.

His strong hands moved to caress your bare skin, his fingers leaving imprints on your body. Yuuta’s nails and grip dug into your skin as he kissed you. His hands moved to explore every curve and contour of your body with a reverence that bordered on worship. You wondered if he was trying to memorize every inch of you.

You leaned up to deepen the kiss, which only furthered Yuuta’s excitement. His lips moved hungrily against yours, his touch seeming eager, desperate, or perhaps so incredibly lonely, even.

Yuuta’s wet kisses left you dizzy, your senses were overwhelmed by him. Noticing the strain between his legs, you reached your hands down to unbutton his pants & paw at his boxers. Yuuta obliged by tossing them off to the side with your lost articles of clothing.

You moved to guide his hips to meet yours. With him between your legs, you moved to grind against him. You both gasped as his hard member pressed against your soaked panties.

You look up to see his reaction but notice something in Yuuta’s eyes become dark. His grip on your hips became tighter as his nails dug crescents into your soft skin.

Yuuta took this moment to grind himself deeper into you, his cock sliding between the lips of your pussy soaked panties. You let out a wanton moan, grinding back against him, desperate for any form of friction or release. You felt his cock rub against your swollen clit, moving back and forth in a way that left you crying out for more.

As Yuuta continued to tease you, he paused for a moment, his breath warm against your ear as he spoke in a low voice, "Do you want this?”

You shivered, a chill running down your spine.

With a hitched breath, you nodded.

“Will you be mine?" He asked, his eyes peering deep and dark into your own. You felt like he could see right into you like he was clawing his way into your soul to make a home in it.

You were okay with that.

You nodded again, “Yes, I’ll always be yours.”

With a glassy darkness in his eyes, he flipped you over onto your stomach, his movements rough and commanding as he positioned himself behind you. He tsk’ed as he ripped your ruined panties off, throwing off into the darkness of the room.

Well, you didn’t need those, anyway.

You could feel the heat of his breath against your ear as he whispered, “I’ll make it so you can’t ever think to leave,” sending shivers down your spine.

Yuuta trailed hot kisses along your skin as he positioned himself above you. With a low moan, he pressed himself against you, the throbbing hardness of his member seeking entrance to your dripping heat.

And then, with a thrust, he entered you. Yuuta’s hands gripped your ass as he slowly sunk his hard length into your wet core. You sucked in a breath, a wave of pleasure crashing over you as he filled your pussy completely. He was big. So much bigger than you anticipated.

‘We fit together perfectly’, you thought to yourself.

His pace was slow, with him getting used to the tightness of your cunt. You looked up at him with adoration as he leaned over your shoulder to give you a sloppy open-mouthed kiss. A trail of saliva left between your lips when you parted.

Yuuta’s spent no extra moment finding his stride, his movements becoming rough and unyielding as he fucks you with such devoted reverence. You’re helpless. All you could do was beg for more as you gulped in the air.

It’s obscene, the way he makes you moan. You’re powerless to fight against the way he makes your heart skip and your stomach churn. You feel on fire like he’s burning you to a crisp of ash and dust only to resurrect you again if only to just keep fucking you.

Yuuta’s movements become more urgent and the tension between you reaches its peak. With each thrust, you feel yourself teetering on the edge of ecstasy, your senses overwhelmed by Yuuta.

Suddenly, you feel a surge of pleasure coursing through your veins, your body convulsing with the intensity of your release. With a cry, you shatter into a million pieces, the only thing able to leave your mouth is the chant of, “Yuuta-- Ah, Yuuta, Yuuta.”

“I’m here,” he replies, voice strained feeling your pussy tighten around his cock, “I’m right here.” Feeling the wetness and tightness of your cum triggers Yuuta’s climax, and with a stifled moan, he follows suit, pouring his hot cum into you.

Yuuta pulls you into his arms, his leaky cock still hard inside of you. Your dark-haired lover kisses your temple and leaves sweet whispers across the sweat of your skin. He holds you close, entwining you into him as your eyelids get heavy and you feel sleep take over your spent body.

You feel loved.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

In your dreams, you find yourself lost in a labyrinth of shadows, the air thick with the scent of decay. Whispers echo through the darkness, taunting you with half-formed promises and cryptic warnings.

You stumble through the endless maze, searching for an escape, but the shadows seem to shift and twist, leading you further into the depths of your despair.

And then, just when you think you can bear it no longer, you see him. Yuuta stands before you, his dark eyes looking into yours as he reaches out to you with a hand shrouded in darkness.

He whispers something, you don’t understand. But you still reach out, taking his hand into yours.

You awaken with a start, the echoes of your nightmare still lingering in the recesses of your mind.

Heart pounding, you sit up in bed, the room bathed in the soft glow of moonlight filtering through the curtains.

Yuuta is gone, but his warmth remains.

A sense of foreboding settles over you like a shroud.

#₊˚ 彡✩ ₊˚ writing #⋆୨✿୧⋆ jjk #⋆୨♡୧⋆ yuuta #yuta okkotsu x reader #yuuta okkotsu x reader #yuta okkotsu x you #yuuta okkotsu x you #jjk x reader #jjk smut #yuuta smut #EXTREMELY BELATED BDAY FIC LETS GOOOOO #idk if u will see this but #hiii sen i hope u dont mind the mention o///o your newest Yuuta fics had me in such a chokehold that i started this…#but then u finished my comm and my braincell was literally screaming #I NEEEED TO WRIT EJ NEEED I NEED I NEED #so basicallt thank u for making me insane

536 notes · View notes

freaksnvans · 4 months ago

Text

A 30-year-old Christian Fujoshi With a PhD's Thoughts on Team Fortress 2 Shipping.

Here I will be providing my thoughts and opinions on my personal favorite Team Fortress 2 ships. I do not know who will be interested in my speakings, but I am branching out into this beautiful fandom like a great oak tree. Haters can "suck an egg," and I do hope that saying is not an euphemism for anything of the less appropriate variety! Please be ready for a very long and verbose post.

How Did I, freaksnvans, Become Interested in Such a Thing?

An Introduction to Me.

I am indeed a Christian woman, and I self-identify as a Fujoshi. That may seem contradicting, but it is not. I ship the mercenaries from Team Fortress 2 in a good and god-honoring way, and I will not tolerate any negative speak of the Lord in my comments and/or reblogs. As for myself, you may only know me as freaksnvans. I chose that name because My favorite ship, as you may be able to discern from such a screen name, is Trucks n' Vans. The "Freak" part comes from a childhood nickname I was given in elementary school... the Freak. That is very traumatic to me, so I mustn't delve into the details. Moving on.

Where It All Started.

In 2007, I was vaguely interested in the game, having heard whispers of it from sites like YouTube as well as my male classmates. I was Thirteen years old, therefore in middle school. Team Fortress was, without a doubt, popular with middle school aged boys at the time of its release. Being curious as to what the "hype" (am I using this Gen Z slang correctly?) was, I googled Team Fortress 2. I had no, and will still never have any, interest in first-person shooter games. I do not like to kill things. I am a god-honoring woman. However, seeing the image of seven strong and mysterious men, (I am indeed disregarding the Scout, as he is not strong nor is he a man, he is a weak and pathetic boy.) I was indeed intrigued.

I, before then, had minor experiences with fandom spaces, having been interested in Harry Potter at the time. I read fan-fiction occasionally. However, I felt no interest toward fan-fiction and pairings of the homosexual variety. My favorite ship to read fan-fiction of was Dramione. I imagined myself as Hermione. My readings of fan-fiction were in fact very self-serving. I became gradually interested in Team Fortress 2 when the fandom was in its infancy. (If you are wondering as to how I never interacted with the fandom before now, or used "social media," that is because I was not allowed to at such an age, and had a fear of doing so up until adulthood. Please do not shame me.)

Back to the topic of Team Fortress! I began searching for fan art of my favorite characters - which, then, were Medic and Soldier. I longed for the Soldier to hold me in his strong arms. I secretly desired for Medic to perform cruel and unusual acts of surgery upon my body. That is a common sentiment shared upon fans of Medic now, I have found. I thought I was alone!

Anyways... At some point, I began to discover Team Fortress fan-fiction. I was extremely intrigued by my discoveries. I, being a pre-fangirl with no real interest in shipping between the mercenaries yet, read "x reader" fan-fiction. However, the extreme abundance of slash fiction made stories of the homosexual variety completely and utterly unavoidable. I naively decided to read just one story of such a kind. I do believe it was a HeavyMedic fic. It was like a fujosplosion inside my mind. I quickly became hooked on reading M/M Team Fortress fan-fiction, scouring sites such as FFN to find more.

That does seem to be how I became interested in gay pairings in Team Fortress 2.

Ok, then what are your favorites? Stop rambling, woman.

Why would you say that to me? Anyways, over the years, I have been particularly drawn to three different pairings.

the first would of course be Trucks n' Vans.

It may be obvious that is my favorite. Actually, I think I already mentioned that it is, ha ha! Anyways. Trucks n' Vans has captivated me ever since I was a young girl. First of all, Sniper is skinny and mildly pathetic, while Engineer is a beautiful fit man. He is also Southern, which I am too. I became interested in this pairing because I imagined Engineer teaching Sniper the ways of God and life in the South. He would show Sniper the beauty and joy of a good old peach cobbler. Which he clearly needs, because I do have a burning hatred for Australians. Sniper is an exception. Anyways.

I have also found great interest in HeavyMedic.

Of course I have. I was interested in this fandom from the day it was created, you silly goose, of course I love HeavyMedic. They were meant to be. Please don't tell God that I said this but I wish I was between them as they kissed. I am short enough for that, being a meager five-foot-one, and generally petite. Well, um, sorry to cut that short, but I am having an extremely bad nosebleed at the moment. Because I thought too hard about HeavyMedic with me sandwiched int he middle. I may as well complete typing this post up, because it's not that bad, but I may make typos here and there. There is blood on my keyboard. Oh Dear. LOL!

My Other Thoughts.

I do believe that Team Fortress shipping is what made me more tolerant of people leading a homosexual lifestyle. When I see gay people in the streets I no longer recoil in disgust as my parents taught me, but I remember that they are people too. Just like Team Fortress 2 in real life. I did meet lots of gay people in college, when I was learning and working toward my PhD in philosophy. Most of the men there did not interest me, because they looked too much like Scout and not enough like a handsome Soldier.

As detailed in my previous post, there are many people who hold disdain for fangirls, or generally people who ship and read fan-fiction. I did experience some of this in college and high school. In middle school, I was very secretive about my fan-fiction and fandom activities. I didn't even have any online friends. The only people I knew who had any interest in Team Fortress 2 were boys at school, who thought I was a freak of nature for being interested in gay scenarios between the mercenaries. I once had lemonade thrown on my brand-new white pants because I was caught reading a HeavyMedic fan-fiction in class. I wanted to die. Please, Lord, excuse my language...FUCK you, Jared. I have violent fantasies regarding him sometimes. As a result of that, I was called gay pee-girl for the rest of the year. I had to move schools because nobody called me by my name, and I was only known as the gay pee-girl. It was definitely worse than "freak."

That may be it from me today. There's so much blood. I think it is not just a normal nosebleed. Oh goodness

#tf2 #team fortress 2 #Do not call me gay peegirl or i will take legal action

88 notes · View notes

darkmatter-nebula · 2 years ago

Text

Ok, enough is enough! Another sugar daddy under my daily goodnight post!

Before I go to bed, I decided to make one last post for today! A callout post!

I DO NOT WANT SUGAR DADDYS TO INTERACT WITH MY BLOG!!!!

DON'T LOOK AT MY BLOG AND DON'T EVEN BREATH INTO THIS DIRECTION!!!!! YOU WEIRDOS MAKE ME INCREDIBLE UNCOMFORTABLE!!!! FUCK YOU!!!!!

AND JUST FOR YOUR INFORMATION, I AM NOT A MINOR! I'M A GROWN ASS WOMAN!!!!

AND YOU KNOW WHAT??? YOU ARE STRESSING ME SO MUCH, THAT MY BODY IS TREMBLING!!! THIS IS HOW LIVID I AM!!!!

I SAY IT AGAIN, DO NOT, UNDER ABSOLUTELY NO CIRCUMSTANCES, INTERACT WITH MY BLOG!!! LEAVE ME ALONE, YOU FREAKS!!!!

I'M SO ANGRY THAT I DECIDED TO SAY IT AGAIN, IN GERMAN!!! LASST MICH VERDAMMT NOCHMAL IN RUHE!!!!!!!

Ok, enough screaming. To everyone who is NOT a sugar daddy, goodnight!

See you tomorrow, my sweet fellas!

#personal things #rant #anti sugar daddy #callout post

2 notes · View notes

firebunnylover · 4 years ago

Text

LoSH S2 discussion

I love Legion of Superheroes. And i love season 2, but that doesn’t mean I don’t think about how it could have been improved. In terms of quality, it varies more than season 1. Some parts are top tier while others… eh.

Season 2 is darker than season 1. And there’s the inherent stigmatism that darker means better. But it’s not true.

A horror schlock film is not inherently better than an animated film.

I don’t blame the staff on all its shortcomings. Kids WB was on its deathbed, so they probably had less time to work and iron out ideas. And executive meddling.

The second season had a lot of good elements, but there are things that weighed it down. I am here to discuss how to improve said things.

Heads up: ended up editing part of this post after rewatching the episodes.

This first bit is more of a personal preference, but instead of the 41st century, maybe move the original source of conflict to a farther region of space, one that the UP doesn’t interact with, and has been growing in terms of turmoil until they finally resort to bringing the Legion over. In other words, it has just been put aside by everyone else to the last minute.

Parallel to Brainy’s relationship to Brainiac. He doesn’t want to deal with it. He never brings it up. But maybe if he did, he wouldn’t have gotten corrupted.

This place still has plenty of old documentation of the original age of superman, so Kell is disillusioned with the ideal glory days. Keep Kell Edgy.

Kell’s home and K3NT still gets destroyed - reflects Krypton’s own destruction.

SPEAKING OF KELL:

Make his story more apparent that it’s one realizing that kindness is not an inherent weakness. And neither is being soft. He was raised for fighting and killing Imperiex, and was taught to think that they were weaknesses. Have him realize his identity can be beyond the Clone of Superman made to kill Imperiex. Or rather, have him react more to realizing that he’s moving beyond his given identity.

To clarify; they do address his development in the show a few times, but I want more continuous development instead of the rapid nods we get. Have him try to interact in a more humane way with others. Especially with other members of the Legion. Where they have to take a double take in seeing him acting not that edgy. Maybe offer more flashback of him fighting Imperiex in comparison, and how he treated allies then.

Also put K3NT’s story under the microscope. I doubt Imperiex just came out of nowhere with his attacks. Plus the fact they went far enough to send a hitman after a fucking child? That screams yikes and maybe we need to double check the story.

And an overall issue to be addressed is what rights do robots have and what conditions need to be met? Because let’s face it, we make robots to do complex work for us. But Colu is a culture where the main people ARE robots. Like in Transformers. What line do we draw between non-sentient robots vs the sentient ones in the 31st century? And what about cyborgs/people who give up their original bodies for robotic ones?

Plus Imperiex himself came to be because of the perfected combination of organic tissue and robotics. This topic of robots and individuality/personhood could have been a fun topic to explore.

Don’t sideline the girls. Leave TG alone.

Don’t put SG in a coma for nearly the whole season - seriously it’s the reason why the guys make one bad decision after the other. Although with that said, it’s because she’s not around we got the majority of s2 plots. She’s the goddamn mom of the squad. Just make her busier and unable to keep an eye on her idiot boys for the plots based on bad decisions to happen.

Or have her deal with after-effects of what Esper did to her. Maybe after a whole season of being the emotional support character, have her be the one in need of emotional support or not being able to help directly, especially when the group needs emotional support. Emotional support paradox.

Maybe don’t make Cosmic Boy appear as much as a dick in the episodes where he does show up. He’s trying to hold this goddamn team together, and there’s a goddamn tyrant trying to conquer the galaxy. HE’S FUCKING TIRED AND STRESSED. AND IM SURE THERE ARE A BUNCH OF JERKS WHO WANT TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THAT TO DISSOLVE THE LEGION. Better yet, throw in some more backstory with him and his little brother Pol!

And in regards to Imperiex… The dude has a lot of potential. I like his voice actor, Phil Morris. The guy voiced Dr. Sweets from Atlantis.

But his writing needs help.

In the original DC comics, he’s the embodiment of Entropy. Anyone who’s seen Madoka is probably familiar with what that is. But if you're not, here’s a definition: “ the measure of a system’s thermal energy per unit temperature that is unavailable for doing useful work...” He’s the embodiment of that energy that cannot be used for anything. And Entropy grows over time.

Another definition of what Entropy is “lack of order or predictability; gradual decline into disorder.”

In the comics, he’s more of a cosmic being as a result of him being an embodiment of unusable energy. He’s been in existence since, well, the beginning. He had destroyed the universe and recreated it multiple times. Okay, so that lines up with how the show portrays him. And technically, he does get the universe to reset itself in the 41st century when he alters the 31st century enough.

But I personally feel that making him a cosmic being is kinda… meh?

I personally prefer more personal villains most of the time. Don’t get me wrong, an Eldritch being done right makes a great character, but I can’t see Imperiex as one. At least not LoSH’s version.

Plus I like it when the protagonist sees the villain has a point and has changed as a result for the better.

You know, over a year ago, I used to think that it was impossible to make a tyrannical villain who’s presented as real evil seem complex.

And then… I was introduced to TFP Megatron.

Now for you LoSH fans who haven’t watched Transformers Prime, Megatron was once Megatronus. A low caste member who worked in the mines and Gladiator games. He wanted to fix the growing corruption of Cybertron. To make things better.

But his worse personality traits took over, and he lost that good motivation. Now he’s just fighting to win and defeat Optimus Prime.

But despite the change of goals and ideals, he doesn’t want to simply abandon his relationship with Optimus. He and Optimus, or as he used to be called, Orion, were fighting for the betterment of society. And they meant something to each other. Megatron doesn’t want to just get it over with. He wants fanfare for his victory over Optimus. And he doesn’t want anyone else to rob him off that. But he isn’t opposed to getting Optimus/Orion back on his side. It’s because of this you can still argue that there is a remaining shred of good in him.

They were the best young lovers anD NO I AM NOT CRYING OVER THEM!

Also, the fact we know he was part of a minority group in the form of the lower cast that was enslaved can make us sympathize with Megatronus of the past, as well as understand how he came to be.

It doesn’t mean we forgive him for his actions - and he has done a lot of shitty things. And I mean a lot.

But his history is more understandable. TFP Megatron’s a fall from grace.

OK I’m done dissecting TFP Meg’s writing.

We know Imperiex was a slave, and was originally organic, who’s from a society where his purpose is literally just to fight, and was gradually stripped of his original body. He was originally stripped of any agency before then though.

But he says this was a good thing. Calling his original body a weakness. And refers to his old self as a pathetic slave.

He gave up whatever softness he had.

Also, this is where K3NT’s story needs to be reexamined. Imperiex was made during what K3NT described as “A Time of Extended Prosperity”. That time had freaking slaves. And K3NT says that when Imperiex did rise up, they were unprepared. So… they were prosperous, but lacked defense to prevent anything like that happening? Or perhaps those who were in charge were that unpopular that it was easy for Imperiex to start the war.

What made him decide conquering the galaxy was the next thing to do after he had every bit of his original self stripped away? Why go as far as destroy it?

What I’m trying to say is that they could borrow a few pages from the Megatron book. Maybe he was once trying to better the society he was part of, but he decides to play the violent card at some point. And somewhere along that strategy, he starts to lose sight of the initial goal. With that, being the victor and in control becomes the main one.

Or perhaps he has grown cynical of the galaxy as it is and decides it just needs to go all together, and then start from scratch.

Like the second definition of Entropy, he gradually declines in predictability and descends into disorder.

Maybe to juxtaposition the fact that Brainiac became the main threat at the end, make him the opposite or foil to him. Rationality or logic do not serve as first-or-second influences to decisions under pressure. Emotions and his own perceived ideas do.

Speaking of Brainiac, maybe offer more of the OG Brainiac. Give us more of that smooth-voiced Corey Burton.

Or TFA Megatron.

Seductive Bastard.

I’m sorry I have fallen for the shady-business-mafia-boss-but-morally-grey robot.

Also, the members of the legion that only get one episode focus? Give them more screen time. You can’t just introduce superman’s new adopted son Karate Kid and just not bring him for another speaking role again!

Actually, that brings me to another point.

As @spandexinspace pointed out, his episode is not the best, and is arguably the worst written of the whole series. Things that are issues do get brushed off to the side.

So a proposal on potential rewrite:

First, have the legion look over its current rules and what exceptions/changes they need to make.

Explore the subject of kids having to participate in these fights.

To clarify, kid shows are meant to be escapism for kids.

Shocking, I know.

So it makes sense that some characters would be the same age as the viewers.

But while this is good representation, as you get older, you find yourself going “WHY WOULD THE ADULTS LET THEM ENDANGER THEMSELVES?!”

Kids having to fight at that age does have consequences. Batman Beyond certainly addressed it. So did Steven Universe Future.

Steven ended up being responsible for so much, that when he no longer needed to take care of things, he was unsure of who he was. And then there’s the fact he ended up with PTSD because of him having to fight so much. Then you have the fact that Greg and Rose never intended to raise him like their caretakers did... but as good as their intentions were, they still caused damage. Rose for… all the gem stuff. And look, Greg is a great dad, but not enforcing anything for Steven when he’s growing up still has it’s cost.

With Batman, he’s obviously going to do his damn best to keep kids safe, including the Robins. But sometimes, it’s not enough. He wasn’t able to keep Tim safe in the event with the Joker in Batman Beyond. Where he was held captive and tortured.

But the Batkids are never expected to resolve this stuff by themselves. Because Batman knows how much you can get screwed up as a kid. He fucking cares.

And to be fair, in most continuities I’m aware of, the other sidekicks came out pretty okay overall.

Except Jason Todd.

So my proposal?

Have Val originally with Grimbor, as a sort of Protege. But have the legion capture him, only to go “uhhh this is a child with no powers”. And Superman, being the good, wholesome paragon we all love, takes him under his wing.

In all honesty, I want Superman pulling a batdad for Karate Kid in his intro episode the whole time. That was the best part of the episode for me.

Plus after the events of “Cry Wolf”, the Legion should examine the no-killing rule. Because they do need to kill Imperiex to save the universe. But that goes against the code. But they can argue it’s a necessity. But Mar Londo is also a monster. He’s the everyday monster some of us have grown up with.

When do you need to make exceptions to kill someone?

And my final main suggestion:

Add more Mekt.

What the heck were you guys expecting? You all KNOW me by now. I LOVE MY GARBAGE BOY.

Joking aside, here’s what I would do.

Have the Chained Lightning episode pushed back, but have Mekt with Imperiex earlier. Most of us would yell “Why the heck would you join the guy whose main goal is to destroy the galaxy?!” But this is one of the easiest things to address.

Explore more of his past. Use the comic sources with him being outcast for being a solo on Winath. With that in mind, him deciding to side with Imperiex can make sense.

Why try protecting something that has done nothing but hurt you?

There’s actually a pretty good reason why he would side with Imperiex, as seen in Champions and Lightning Storm. Remember, Mekt was willing to cheat to get ahead of the sports competition he was introduced in. And also was thrilled when fighting Garth and was beating him on his own. He likes being in power.

Imperiex offers him that.

As for why Imperiex would bother with Mekt? That’s a little harder to answer. He knows that Mekt has a soft spot for his brother, and in turn sister, which proves to be the reason why the Tachyon Cannon fails. You’d think Imperiex would remove a huge fatality.

But he doesn’t.

Maybe he could hold another type of value for Mekt. Perhaps... nostalgia?

I’m still sold on the idea that they were sleeping together.

Also, give us a conclusive answer on where Mekt stands with the LSV. In the comics, he was the leader, but that role was given to Tyr in the cartoon more or less.

OK I think this has been polished enough for me to post now. What you guys think? Feel free to add on!

#legion of superheroes #legion of super heroes #losh #OH GOD I STARTED THIS IN SEPTEMBER #IT'S FINALLY DONE

25 notes · View notes

massivelycreepypineapple · 4 years ago

Text

Kick Butt While Falling In Love

Pairing: Surgeon!Jensen Ackles x Fem!Reader

Summary: Y/N is Dr. Ackles’ patient. They meet during her chemo sessions and become close friends and eventually more.

Requested by a lovely anon (I hope you enjoy this and found the plot alright!): Can you write more doctor Jensen Ackles? I can't think of any plot but Jensen as doctor is very attractive!❤️🙈

Warning: Sick reader, slightly angsty. pretty much it I guess.

A/N: I tried not to make any mistakes. I hope this is alright. If I made any please do let me know. I apologise for that in advance!

Word Count: 1925

Masterlist

❅ ❅ ❅

If anybody told Y/N a year ago that the hospital would practically be her second home, she’d have sent them packing with a swift kick up their butt. She hated hospitals with a steady passion and she hated doctors even more. The very thought of going to a doctor for something as small as the flu was repulsive to her. So you can imagine her horror when she was forced to go weekly for her chemotherapy sessions. But things didn’t end there. It would seem that life had a way of messing with Y/N. Not only was she forced to go to the dreaded location once a week, but she was slowly looking forward to it. And the cherry on top came in the form of a certain green eyed surgeon.

When Y/N first found out that she had a cancerous tumour growing in her, she was, like anyone else, in great shock and pain. She didn’t have anyone in her life. She became an orphan at the age of 16 and foster care didn’t last long. She began to fend for herself as soon as she hit 18. She wasn’t in one place long enough to make friends either. So the thought of cancer did freak her out. She spent years learning to love her life and she didn’t want to lose that. But as the weeks went by she got used to the idea that this was her reality. And things got better when she met the man in charge of her life.

Dr. Jensen Ackles was a gem in the world of stones and that’s putting it lightly. Anyone who interacted with him loved him and those who didn’t, well, let’s just say that they sucked as human beings. He was the most beautiful and considerate man she had ever known. And as time went on, he became her best friend. She didn’t really know how that happened considering that she didn’t have any decent ones. She had colleagues who were cordial to her and that was it. She couldn’t for the life of her fathom what possessed him to become her friend. He was her doctor and the relationship should’ve ended at that. But yet here they were best friends and at the brink of something more.

Y/N remembered the first time Jensen was there for her in ways no one else had. She had just started chemotherapy and it was royally kicking her ass. She already had a minor heart condition so there were risks of heart attacks and the like due to chemo. The drugs given to her took a toll on her big time and she often found herself with her head in the toilet, leading her to lose so much weight as well as her appetite. One particular day Y/N was suffering worse than usual and her chest was aching. She remembered that Jensen had given his personal phone number in case she needed a friend. She was light headed and in pain and she decided to just take a leap of faith and call him.

-Flashback-

“Hi Y/N, is everything okay?” His deep voice came through the phone, immediately calming her a bit.

“J-Jensen I-“ She started breathing heavily.

“Y/N!! Where are you?” He asked frantically.

“H-home.” She managed to get out. She sounded breathless and weak.

“I’ll be there in 15.” He said and cut the call.

True to words, 15mins later Jensen showed up. She struggled to get to the door but managed to open it, but only to fall into his arms. He quickly picked her up and took her to the ambulance waiting outside. Y/N chuckled lightly at that. “S-so dramatic.” She said.

“You scared me, sweetheart. You didn’t sound good and I was clearly right to be scared.” He said trying to stay calm as he put her on the gurney and letting the paramedics fix her to the IV tubes. He rode with her back to the hospital and got her into the emergency room.

-Flashback End-

After everything had calmed down and her condition was brought under control, Jensen stayed beside her the entire time. He did everything to keep her fever down, brought her decent food that was easy on her stomach. He replaced the IV when the drugs were getting low. He even spent the night with her. Since then there was always something developing between them. They became close and Jensen from then on was her best friend and the love of her life (only he didn’t know it yet). He even took on an active role in making sure her chemotherapy went smoothly. He rearranged his schedule around hers. He spent time with her figuring out which medicine worked best, and stayed up with her the nights she spent in the hospital.

That’s where Y/N found herself once more. She had just finished her session for the day. Jensen was in surgery so he couldn’t keep her company like he usually did. So she got through it by listening to music and flipping through a magazine. Just as she was about to leave she got light headed and collapsed.

The nurses rushed to her and put her on a gurney trying to help her. She could barely make out what they were saying. She was in and out of consciousness.

“She’s going into a cardiac arrest. She needs surgery now!” Said one of the doctors.

“We need to page Dr. Ackles!”

“He’s in surgery!”

“Fuck! Let’s take her into the OR and get her prepped. If he isn’t there yet, we need someone else immediately.”

That was the last thing she heard before everything turned black.

__________

Y/N woke up to an insistent beeping noise. She felt something heavy on her hand and she couldn’t move. She slowly blinked her eyes and saw someone resting their head on her bed. Jensen was still in his scrubs and his hair sticking out. He looked exhausted. She gently nudged his hand that was holding hers and he jerked awake.

“Y/N!” He whispered. He quickly got up to check her vitals and began fussing over her. He brought her a cup of water and she gently took a few sips. She then finally looked at him properly and saw that his eyes were red. It looked like he had been crying.

“Jay..” She whispered softly, her throat still sore. “What happened?”

“You had a heart attack, sweetheart.”

“Oh… was it because of all the chemo?”

He nodded at that. “There was a blockage near the heart stopping the blood flow. We managed to get it out. You’re fine now, baby.” He caressed her cheek.

“The last thing I heard was that you were in surgery.”

“Yeah I was, but I was almost done. He was fine and I only needed to close him up. The interns could manage that so I rushed to you. I don’t trust anyone else with your life, baby girl.” He said closing his eyes tight.

“I’m fine Jay. You came in time and I’m fine.” Y/N comforted him.

“Y-yeah” He whispered.

“Jay, what about the tumor?”

“The drugs are working. Chemo’s doing its job and the tumor has shrunk. But we couldn’t remove it just yet. You need another course of chemo before we go in and finish the job.”

Y/N started crying “I don’t want to, It’s too much! Please don’t make me!”

Jensen’s heart broke at that and his face fell. “Y/N...please do this. I know it’s painful and exhausting, honey. But I need you to do this. I need you to get better.”

“Why?! Why does it matter so much to you?” She cried.

“Because I fucking love you!” He said

Y/N was shocked at that admission. She knew there was something there but she never in a billion years thought that he loved her like she loved him.

“I love you so much, and I need you to get better so that we can make this work and maybe live happily ever after like those books you love!” He added.

She just stared dumbly at him. She didn’t know what to say. She was afraid that she'd break his heart. She was at risk and didn’t know if she'd make it.

Her silence broke his heart further. She could see he was regretting his words. So she quickly added, “I’m only going to hurt you, Jay. We don’t know if I’ll make it.”

“You will make it, Y/N.”

“You can’t know that! You deserve someone normal. You deserve someone who is not on death’s bed. Someone who won’t remind you of work all the time. Caz that’s what I am, Jensen! I’m your patient and-” She was interrupted with his lips.

“I know you feel the same, sweetheart. You’re not just my patient. You’re the love of my life. I don’t stay up for any of my patients but you. I don’t do house calls and I sure as hell don’t give them my personal number.” He said with determination in his eyes.

Y/N looked at him wide eyed. She dared hoped that things would work out. She wanted it so badly. She reached out, despite the pain she was in and pulled him down for a fierce kiss.

“I love you too, so damn much” She said looking into his eyes.

He grinned at her and kissed her one last time before tucking her into the blankets. “Rest some, baby. We’ll figure this out ok?”

“Stay.. don’t go.”

“I have to check on the other guy, Y/N.” He said looking sadly at her. To which she nodded in understanding. “I’ll be here when you wake up. I promise. I’m taking some time off to be with you.”

“You don’t have to..”

“Shh. I want to” he said which made her smile so cutely at him.

But she became serious again, scrunching her eyebrows. “Jay...are you sure it’s going to be okay? I don’t want to die.” Y/N said with a small voice. Jensen felt his heart clench at that. He held her face in his large palms.

“Baby, you’re not going to die ok? Not if I have anything to say about it. You’re going to kick this tumour’s butt and then we’ll run off into the sunset together like a cheesy couple.”

She laughed a little at that. “Okay, I like that plan.”

“Y/N…”

“Yeah?”

“I know it’s very early but move in with me. Please?”

“Yes.”

Jensen kissed her hard and then said, “WHEN you survive this, I’m going to marry you. Don’t want to waste any time.”

“I’d like nothing more, baby” grinned Y/N with tears in her eyes.

Jensen kissed her on the forehead and turned to leave to check on the other patient.

Y/N fell asleep with a huge smile on her face. For the first time in forever she felt like everything was going to be okay. For the first time in her life she felt like she had a family even if it was just Jensen for now. Maybe they’ll make their own family. A big one too. Did she wish she had met him in better circumstances? No. This entire journey made her who she is. She’d go through it all again because the person she is today is the person who Dr. Jensen Ackles fell in love with. And she wouldn’t have it any other way.

❅ ❅ ❅

TAGS BELOW

@hobby27 @akshi8278

#jensen ackles #jensen ackles fanfiction #jensen ackles x reader #jensen ackles x y/n #jensen ackles x sick!reader #jensen ackles one shot #supernatural x reader #spn x reader #reader insert #female reader #jensen x reader #surgeon!jensen #spn rpf #jensen x you

126 notes · View notes

theteej · 4 years ago

Text

“You need to take serious time for yourself, do self-care, or something,” my best friend Mark said to me, uncomfortably earnestly.

“I’m serious. You haven’t been letting anything in, and you just have to sit and stop running. Go process, or feel, or just let it sink in that you did things and you surprisingly don’t suck.”

Fuck, he’s right.

And so that’s what I’m doing. Last week I booked an Airbnb in La Jolla, a tony coastal enclave of San Diego near where I went to undergrad. I pretended I was on vacation, but in a pandemic. I booked a small studio near the water, and planned to spend these next few days reading, reflecting, walking along the ocean, and staying otherwise indoors and trying to wrestle with this whole semester. I pulled up to the studio last night, unpacked my bags, and cried. Like cried a lot. I felt lonely and scared, but also so numb. I felt a sea of blankness all around me, and a sense of trepidation.

Honestly, I don’t know what to do about all of my stupid feelings.

Where to start?

I feel like I’ve been anxious nearly my whole life. It’s absolutely something that developed as a kid with a violent, drunken father. You learn to live in between heartbeats like that, always testing what’s about to happen, trying to think of the next thing to plan in order to stay safe. Sure, your brain says tauntingly. Things are OK right now, but what if they’re not in a few minutes? Or even worse: Things ARE terrible—what are you going to do if they stay that way forever? These are the gifts Tyrone Tallie Sr left me, along with an unoriginal legal name and a stubborn widows peak visible whenever I grow my hair out for a few weeks.

Couple that with a natural tendency to think quickly, and you have the birth of a personality that masked my calculating self-security by turning those constant permutations into clever moments for interaction or comment. Like many people, my wit is born of trauma; the ability to process things in quick time is born out of needing to feel safe, and frequently gets deployed to put others at ease. That’s one of the weirder contradictory things about being me. I am simultaneously witty and clever and in control, and I am also always quietly freaking out, or at the very least, waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Which is why this has been….a damn semester. Teaching two classes fully remotely with panicked, overwhelmed students in the shadow of an ever-worsening pandemic that stretches on and on without end and feeling daily gaslighted by the endless selfishness of your fellow citizens—what a gift for the anxious. Ironically, anxiety helped to a certain extent because I didn’t have the shock of falling into a new world of uncertainty or fear that so many non-anxious folk did this year. But that’s hardly a gift, is it? Congratulations! You’re already living as if a bomb can go off at any moment, so you’re not struggling to adjust to the new horror show of life!

Teaching this semester has been…just without any context. I’ve taught online, but not in this same planned way and with everyone panicking, and the looming threat of pandemic and election. And yet we did it. We pulled ourselves together, and my students were honest about their needs and their breakdowns and I tried to model humility and grace and confusion and rage as well as they did. We didn’t fuck it up. Or, we all fucked up, and it was okay. We learned things. Students surprised me, and it was glorious. I got to be broken and I didn’t die.

It was an intense semester of overworking as well. I was on a bunch of committees, formal and informal, and we managed to get a new minor—African Studies—passed. I’ll be heading a new program on campus next year, and that’s exciting and terrifying. And on top of all of that, I couldn’t stop volunteering for stuff, or talking about things I cared about. In addition to teaching, I gave fourteen different presentations or talks this semester, an increase in expectations or agreements on my part thanks to the ubiquity of zoom. It grinds on you: the whole, get up, trudge to the back room, power up a personality for the zoom camera, and pour yourself digitally into a screen, only to feel yourself broken into little packets of light and data and scattered across the universe.

The talks went well. The student evaluations went well. Honestly, both were fucking great. And I haven’t let myself feel a goddamn thing. I let it slide off me like rain on a waxed deck, the droplets beading on the slick wood before slipping away into the darkness. I cant let it sink in, because then something good might be happening, and the very skills that have made me capable—the whip-fast reflexes, the self-deprecating humour, the rapid analysis—are also tied to the very deep-seeded anxiety. Everything has to be calculated and understood and prepared for, because at some moment a dark curtain is going to fall over the face of a man with my same name. He will smack me so hard I will go flying out of a chair and hit the wall with a soft, sickly whump, a particularly unpleasant of me at seven that I carry sewn into every cell of my skin and fiber of my being.

I can’t stop and let it sink in because I have internalized the worst calculus of overachiever life—push harder, don’t stop for the good, that’s normal. Stop only for the bad to learn from it, take in its horror, and let it never happen to you again. And so I found myself at the end of the semester holding a bag of relative joy like a party favour, looking around anxiously for bullies to come snatch it out of my hands.

And then Jeopardy fucking happened.

I got to be on television. I got to talk to Alex Trebek, the same man who held my grandmother’s hand on Classic Concentration and saw that her for the beautiful, formidable queen that she was. I got to turn silly trivia knowledge into cash—and I got to do it while being me. And to my confusion—people liked me. It went well, they felt I resonated with something inside of them, and they liked it.

I do not, in my own skill set, have the tools to deal with that. I am supposed to be clever and fast, and witty, and engaging and lovable—but I do not know how to actually think of receiving goodness. I know how to process being witty and clever and delightful—I did what I was supposed to do, good job, next—but I don’t know how to actually take that positivity in.

I keep waiting for all of this to fall apart, for everyone to hate me in the reassuring ways that I distrust or marginalize or disbelieve myself. And yet, I know that’s not helpful. Hence, overachiever’s therapy: forcing oneself to prematurely trade on prize money and spend a three day love/relaxation retreat, less than fifteen miles from my own apartment.

I woke up and cried a little. I then tried to mediate or at least focus on the positives of late. Nope. Nothing came. I decided it was time for coffee. I drank some that I made in the Airbnb, but realized I needed to get outside for a walk. I changed into a bright yellow caftan and an extra-dramatic face mask, and went for a walk on the streets of La Jolla, the bougie and strange bubble by the sea.

La Jolla can double in weird ways like other parts of the world I frequent. It feels sometimes like I’m in Durban (if you’re more partial to Umhlanga Rocks or Durban North) or Wellington (if you love Mount Vic or Oriental Bay), or even Vancouver (if you feel like West Point Grey or the haughtiest parts of Kitsilano are your thing). It’s a rich place, one that I don’t belong in, but one that I can feign a few hours of enjoyment and sun.

Today I walked down palm tree lined streets in the perfect weather, the breeze pushing through my still-short hair with a strange urgency. I picked up a cold brew coffee and a freshly caught and grilled halibut sandwich that my therapist recommended (we decided to briefly be pescatarian for a day and chalked it up to the ‘medical advice.’), then I turned toward the coast. I sat for a long time looking at the waves—unsurprisingly—with a bit of anxiety.

What if I relaxed WRONG? What if I couldn’t let myself feel joy? What if I just wasted the day by…eating this sandwich and not fully appreciating the beautiful ocean waves, golden sun, or nature all around me. After a while I realized that sounded ridiculous, and just forced myself to sit.

And as the old Zulu language dance song “Unamanga” by the late Patricia Majalisa started to filter to my headphones, as I stared out at the sea and the sun, something shifted. I felt something like, I don’t know, a failure in the sealnt around myself, and some drops dripped in, slowly. Maybe, just maybe, I didn’t have to do this in a grand gesture. I could enjoy myself and the small joys I’d found in life so far.

I could be grateful and quietly glad for the little things that happened. It wasn’t about deserving it, or about it being worthy of me. I could imagine for right now, that this was a thing that I could have. I could sit and marvel that some great shit happened to me, and it was OK. Let’s not get it twisted—I didn’t have an epiphany, there were no turnbacks on the road to Emmaus. But I did find a little quietude in my soul for a second and stopped frantically Teflon-ing my heart from joy for a second.

I survived a hell semester, and did well. I got a wonderful opportunity and it went well. I could just let hat happen and also not ignore that it happened, to focus on negatives in an outsized way. I could, in this single afternoon moment, be delighted that things had gone okay. And not worry or strategize about the next disaster, which would happen on its own anyway. And…that’s all I can do right now.

Also, I’m going to work on this more, this whole letting people love me and letting it sink in. I usually avoid it because I feel like it keeps me off my game from the inevitable disaster to follow. But that’s not how I want to live. I’m going to try to think about what it means that some of you all tell me you love me, and then to show it. I need to reconcile the nonstop whirligig of my mind also turns menacingly in on itself so often, and that acknowledging the gift of calculated wit and mirth also means I have to cultivate love and joy.

So tomorrow, I’m going to go for a brief run, I’m going to drink some lovely coffee, and I’m going to walk along the ocean again. (And then I’m going to keep staying in this Airbnb so I don’t catch or spread this plague.)

What a fucking semester, y’all.

5 notes · View notes

funfuntrunks · 5 years ago

Text

Ranting abt Certain People who are against antis, under a readmore so you guys don’t have to subject yourself to it

It’s not really structured well like my other works? It’s more of a ramble so don’t expect it to be any good or readable

(No tags on this post so if you see this in your tag you don’t have to read and get mad lol)

You know it’s so funny how fucking........... Up the ass proshippers are

You can tell them that they’re a literal hazard to fandom and people alike but they’ll just go “slkfsdkjdfklsddkl what are you talking about anon.... ok anti” and keep going about their merry day like nothing is wrong

Personally I think the term “Proshipper” used to mean something that isn’t what it is today, but a lot of idiots decided to attach themselves to that label because “NOMAP, incest shipper, adult” didn’t fit well on their bio

You can’t tell me you’re “anti censorship” and then do this shit. Censorship protects you from the government, not popular artists in the fandom taking advantage of their fame to show the world how much of a fucking freak you are

And they keep going on like a broken record like “Hey, I don’t think shipping this is okay, the dynamic spits in the face of trauma survivors and people can be conditioned into thinking it’s okay with this” “UHHH FICTION IS NOT REALITY SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OK ANTI :)” “Please leave the fucking fandom” “OMG I’M BEING SUICIDE BAITED SO MUCH FOR THE PEACEFUL ANTIS”

Have you ever noticed how... Open these people are about being kin/selfshippers? You know, when kinning is a huge thing that minors do? And how apparently fiction has no stance on reality to them? Look it’s a huge fucking reach but I really don’t trust like this... These people come off as literal predators to me

I took a look at a proship’s selfshipping list and there was a literal kindergartener on here so lol

I really can’t even be okay with them like I am for a lot of things (If you know me well, you’ll see there’s a lot of love and a lack of hate in my heart) because of how dangerous and manipulative they could potentially be in fandom spaces

Also finally I find it really funny how they’re like “Pedos don’t interact” when they are... Quite literally endorsing and enabling pedophilia

But I guess since it’s only a FICTIONAL elementary schooler that middle aged ugly bastard is r/ping it’s okay, there’s no way it’ll affect anyone’s mindset or way of thinking

Ok moron

3 notes · View notes

unpretentiousblogging · 5 years ago

Text

My first suicide note

Don’t worry, this isn’t THE note, merely me reminiscing about what WAS my first note. And anyway, starting my actual suicide note with ‘first’ would be extremely stupid and already declaring defeat...which is ironic, since, you know, suicide is declaring defeat from life in general.

Oh god. I do this a lot. Use poor humour to deflect from my obviously concerning thoughts. But anyway, it’s fine.Back to topic. (side note; there was no humour in my first suicide note. Hmm. Maybe I should incorporate that in the next one...joke. Maybe.Hopefully. Idk)

Anyway, first suicide note. Ah yes. I was fifteen.It was..2014? I don’t really remember much of it or the details surrounding that year. Just that it was angry and sad and vengeful and full of so much...hurt.Against everyone.My friends.My enemies. My mother.

Ah. My mother. A recurring character in every suicide note I’ve ever written. It’s not her fault. She is not per say a bad person. But more on that later. This isn’t about her. This is about my suicide note and how it ended up being the first one.

A lot had been leading up to it. I should probably avoid saying the work depressed since I wasn't clinically diagnosed, but a bitch isn’t dumb. Or I mean, she is. But not in this case. You know when you spend the better part of two months not talking to anyone and experience the crushing pressure of this giant, pressing hollowness gnawing-ness that stays there no matter what you do, that THAT isn’t normal. Or at least, it wasn’t to me.

Tbh, I don’t understand much of it. That feeling. What caused it. Why it became such a significant part of my being. I was just in a negative head space. I had suddenly become hyper aware of the farce in everyone’s interaction with me. I detested that I couldn’t study what I wanted to. I had just...a lot going on.

And also, truthfully, I think I had been using too much Tumblr. I would see this constant downpour of emaciated, beautiful girls talking about sadness as skinny white boys with cigarettes dangling from the corner of their mouths would tenderly hold them and I guess I internalised that this was what it took to be loved and also all that life had to offer.

Love. What a funny thing I chase after.So uninterested but also so extremely curious. Sigh.

Also, funny how the very platform that propelled me into the state I was then, is what I have chosen to come back to while meandering somewhere similar to that state. Not really funny,but what did I say..force of habbit.

Anyway, back to story. I was sad.Really sad. And angry. And the final straw was the fight with my mom. I don’t remember what it was about. Not important. Just that I realised that I didn’t want my life anymore. Any life for that matter.

So, how does a 15 year old, kill herself? Or well, try to. Because, suuurprise. It obviously didn’t work. I didn’t die. (yet) Or I wouldn’t be ‘’killing time’’ (haha) by writing this.

Well,didn’t own a gun.not smart enough to figure out how strangulation worked.House not tall enough for free falling from roof to cause desired effect. Too much of a wimp to cut veins.

The only other logical explanation was to ingest some poison. Painless. Bound to achieve results without risking grotesquely convulsing my appearance in the way that free falling or burning would do should the fail to work.

Now, we didn’t have any poison lying around the house but I remember how popularised the video of the Amanda Todd suicide was and how she mentioned drinking bleach to kill herself. So, my manic self rushed to the bathroom in search for my poison.

Unfortunately, I could find no bleach. So,I reached out for the next best thing. This anti acne product I had bought from Shams recently. It was pretty expensive and barely used but since I was going to die anyway,what was the point of me being careful with this overpriced bottle of skin care.

Yes, I decided to die by gulping down a bottle of a beautification product for my skin. Not only is that highly improbable but I think about it and snicker at the fact that is basically a twist on the whole ‘eat makeup to become prettier on the inside’ joke. I was basically annihilating all the blemishes on my inside by ingesting that bottle of toner. Pretty funny, if you think about it. Or just me?

To be fair, at the time, I didn’t think it was. I legitimately thought I was going to die.With my eyes sputtering out a tsunami of tears,I guzzled the colourless liquid from the transparent bottle and drank till there was only around 20 percent left.

The whole thing rushing down my windpipe in one giant gulp. The second I was done with this I started freaking out. My throat burned and I felt this warm, icky wave of nausea steadily creep up on me.

You see, I stupidly didn’t wager that it would take so long.My juvenile brain had been expecting the job to be done quick and painlessly. This was neither and now my paranoid brain started whizzing like an unstoppable slot machine. I started panicking, remembering this post I had read online by this guy who recounted how his failed attempt at ingesting pills for suicide resulted in a highly painful stomach pumping experience and a life time of painful and uncomfortable digestion. I wasn’t prepared for that.I couldn’t not die and also end up with more issues on top of the ones I already did.

In a mad rush against time, I scrambled to get my phone and performed a quick Google search-what to do if you eat poison. The most frequently suggestions were to call poison control and to induce vomiting. Since, I couldn't really do the first one, I made way to the toilet and thankfully to my minor stint with bulimia (and they said eating disorders aren’t useful, pfft) , I knew exactly how to do the latter. Quickly, I shoved my fingers down my throat and attempted to force my alimentary canal to defy gravity. I alternated between this and ramming my toothbrush down my mouth and lo and behold, spurts of translucent chemical gush forth from my mouth like a faulty tap.

At this point, I had progressed to full blown sobbing. I wasn’t able to successfully eliminate all the toxic liquid from my body and the purge had just resulted with me hiccuping incessantly and my stomach gurgling uncontrollably. Also, my mouth had a horrible aftertaste. Overall, I felt repulsive and sick and also glaringly aware of my soon to be (in my head) death.

In my misery studded mind, I made peace with my fate and decided that were I to to die, I had to make sure I hurt everyone who ever hurt me just as much as. I wanted them to feel guilty. Afterall, my death couldn’t just end with a bunch of people feeling sorry for me and the people who had done me wrong to not experience any of the anguish I had. So, I put pen to paper and began to scribble on an old English paper-my first suicide letter.

At the time, I didn’t know it was to be my first, of course. I thought it was my one and only. I dedicated this atrocious piece of writing to virtually everyone who meant anything to me in my life. Ex best friend? Obviously mentioned. Brother? Definitely to blame. Friend who cared but not enough? Special shout out.

But the star of the show, the main dedication of the bitterness fuelled literary rampage was one person-my lovely mother. Like I said, not a bad person. But just not compatible with me, to put it nicely. Anyway, the body of this letter revolved around her and how all the events of my interactions with her had materialised into this blame. If any one was to be guilt ridden after this entire ordeal, I wanted to make sure that it was her.

Everyone else got a few sentences or a paragraph, but my mom, well she got pages and pages of my teen angst and venom against her. In fact, the opening of this abysmal note started off with something like, ‘’In case I don’t wake up tomorrow’’ (I wasn’t sure how effective the ‘’poison’’ would be. In hindsight, not at all), ‘’ you (mother) should know that YOU are to blame for all of this’’.

Pretty dramatic, am I right? Anyway, I don’t really remember more of what happened in the note, but basically, you get the idea of how it went, ok?

So, yeah, after penning that intense piece of literature, I willed myself to go to sleep and hopefully die painlessly in my slumber. Or not. I wasn’t sure at this point whether I wanted to survive or not. Probably the most anxious sleep I was getting. After all, I didn’t know whether I was going to wake up the next morning or not.

Spoiler alert: I did. With relief.

And I tore up the note immediately. I think my mother had already read some of it but I am not sure if I remember entirely. I recall sitting in the car with her as she drove and a passing mention was made of it and all I said was that I had written a story in my notebook. And that was it. Did she believe me? Or did she simply not care enough? Or maybe her brain could not even begin to register that I was capable of performing such an abominable task. I don’t know. I wonder though, if she ever stays up at night wondering about what it meant. What any of it was.

I’m pretty sure she doesn’t even remember. I do.

And that, brings to a complete, the pointless rambling of me and my first suicide note.

good bye.

(we’ve reached the end. im not gonna go kill myself...right now. lol. maybe/ ok bye)

#suicide #death #ramblings

1 note · View note

stumped-on-bennington · 6 years ago

Text

The Star and the Moon

pairing: Brian x reader(they/them)

Summery: Queen is on location writing for their next album ‘A Night at the Opera’ when some mysterious things start happening.

word count: 3,137

warnings: light swearing

A/N: this is more of an experimental type of thing, I don’t really know what I’m doing. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

It had only been about 3 days since the band had arrived in the middle of nowhere to record their next album “A Night at the Opera”. It was late in the night, or rather early in the morning, when John had gone running through the small house him and the rest of the band had been sharing. Running into 3 separate rooms he spouted just about the same thing with only minor differences: “You have to wake up! I discovered something and everyone has to come see it!” Nearly 20 minutes later all 4 men were standing in the very small downstairs bedroom that John had taken up.

“Right, what is it, why are we awake before the sun is even up, John?” Roger said, eyes heavy and voice full of anger.

“So, ugh..” John had started, but stopped.

“What?” Roger spat. John only stood there, regretting that he hadn’t waited till morning when everyone had woken up.

“Just tell us, John.” Brian said, also very tired and annoyed but more patient than Roger.

“Well, I kind of discovered something and I wanted to make sure I wasn’t going crazy.” John said sheepishly. He then proceeded to take out one of the notebooks he had been using to write songs. Each page had the familiar handwriting that they could easily pick out as John’s, but in the margins there was another handwriting. While John’s was slightly messy and more casual, the second person’s writing was more elegant, for lack of better words; It flowed beautify. While Freddie, Brian, and Roger looked at the pages full of the mystery writers criticisms of Johns songs, John stood across from them, looking at the 3 men nervously.

“You woke us up for this?” Freddie said, looking up from the notebook.

“What do you mean ‘for this’?” John said, visibly shaken up, “This writing came out of nowhere and I'm pretty sure it's none of yours. Honestly I'm a little freaked out about this.”

“Darling, I'm sure it’s one of ours, you obviously have just been up for too long. Go to sleep and we all can worry about this later today, OK?”

“Oh… ok. You’re probably right, I'm just a little delirious. I’m sorry guys, I just wasn’t thinking properly, I-I just-”

“Dear, it's alright. We’re going to bed now, you should too.”

“Alright” John said as the rest of his band filed out of his small room. Freddie had to be right. It wasn’t unusual for him to have one of his band mates go over his songs and write suggestions for him. But he just couldn’t shake the feeling that something was off. He wanted to solve the mystery of who had been writing in his notebook. It was cursive, so it couldn’t have been his or Roger’s. It also wasn’t as large as Freddie’s nor as small as Brian’s, it was somewhere in the middle; perfect. As much as he wanted to stay up to try and figure this whole thing out, he had nearly been awake for 20 hours and he couldn’t deny his body the restful call to sleep any longer. Regretfully so, John fell asleep, leaving the mystery to be solved the next morning.

The next morning everyone but John had practically forgotten about the small meeting they had last night. The only thing they could recall was being woken up by john for about half an hour at 4AM. John was still asleep when Brian was sitting at the breakfast bar, working on one of his songs. About midway though he decided to walk only about 3 feet away to poor himself more coffee, taking him only a few seconds to do so. When he had turned back to his sheet of paper he noticed a small note to the side of what he had written. He had no idea where it had come from as it wasn’t his writing. The small message was a tip about a line he had written and how the mystery writer though it should be changed. Brian was a little taken aback. No one had been in the kitchen and there was no way someone could have read what he had written and made notes in the time it took him to poor his coffee.

As confused as he was, Brian followed the notes advice, switching the line, and finished writing the song. After reading it over he felt that the changed line made the song a lot better. Just as Brian had finished up, Roger came stomping into the kitchen.

“Alright, real funny, Bri. Why have you been going through my songs?” Roger said, waving a piece of paper in front of Brian’s face. Brian took the paper and saw the same mysterious writing on Roger’s song that had appeared on his own.

“This isn’t from me.” Brian said, handing back the paper to Roger.

“Oh yeah, then who else would have written such a snarky comment on my work, huh?”

“What is with all the yelling?” Freddie said, joining the other two.

“Brian is criticizing my work and he won’t say it to my face, and on top of that he won’t admit that he did it!” Roger was practically yelling at this point.

“Let me see.” Freddie said, reading over the song and than over the comment at the bottom. The note said ‘it’s a bit shit, and also kinda weird.’ Freddie couldn’t help but let out a laugh, “Well, whoever wrote this isn’t wrong.”

“Give me that.” Roger said, snatching back his song, “ I want to know who wrote this!” Just as Roger had said that, John walked in holding several of his notebooks, “Oh good, you’re all here, perfect.” John set down his note books and opened each one to different pages, each one had the mystery writing. “So I thought it over and compared it to each of your handwriting and it just can’t be any of yours nor can it be mine.”

“Do you think it could be someone working here? The owner or someone?” Roger suggested.

“I don’t think so, notes appeared on my song in a matter of seconds and there was no one around to do it. Even if there was someone in here, they would have had to been reading over my shoulder the whole time in order to write such constructive notes.” Brian then proceeded to show his song to the rest of his band.

For the next hour or so the 4 men gathered all the song they had written while at the farm. On every single page there was the mysterious handwriting. Each note was rather helpful and constructive, apart from some that just flat out called some of their songs shit. The band was stumped.

“I have an idea.” Brian said, standing up from his seat. The 3 other men watched him as he grabbed a new piece of paper and proceeded to write on it. “I was think that since all the notes have been helpful and otherwise truthful, we could write down asking it a question, and if were lucky whoever, or whatever, is leaving these will respond.”

Brian set the piece of paper down on the counter. In Brian’s handwriting it said ‘Who is leaving these notes?’ Brian then proceeded to turn around, facing the opposite way. Freddie, Roger, and John followed suit, turning around. The 4 men stood there for almost a minute. They wanted to turn around and find the writing answering the question, but at the same time they wanted to turn around and find nothing. They also didn’t want to turn around at all, just to leave the paper, leave the farm, and never have to worry about about any of this ever again.

Letting out a sigh, Roger was the first to turn around. All he did was let out a slight laugh. The 3 other men turned to see what it was.

Roger grabbed the paper and showed to the other “There’s nothing here.” Roger just laughed. “We must look like bloody lunatics, trying to get a response from literally nothing.” Eventually the other men joined in, laughing and feeling slightly relieved that nothing had happened. They were just about to go back to writing music when they heard a jar fall over where just had just been standing. They didn’t really think anything of it, they had just been standing there, so one of them must had nudged it. Roger went to set it back up right when he looked at the paper once more.

All the color had faded from Roger’s face as he help the paper in his shaky hand. Slowly turning back around he use all the strength he had to croak out the tiniest of words “..Guys..?” The 3 men turned around to see what it was, looking over Roger’s shoulder to look at the paper. Right below Brian’s handwriting was a regretfully familiar cursive. It read ‘I am. My name’s Y/N.’ The 4 men felt dizzy. They didn’t know what to make of this. While Freddie, John, and Roger stood in silence, Brian quickly regained his wits and sat back down at the table, scribbling down another question.

‘How are you doing this?’

Before Brian could even set down his pen, a response was already being bleed onto the page. All Brian could do was stare on, mesmerized.

‘I don’t really know. Whenever I tried to interact with you or others before they never seemed to notice me, so I figured my writing would go unnoticed as well, but for some reason everyone can see what I write.’

While Brian was continuing his strange conversation, Freddie said aloud “Dear lord, Brian is talk to a demon.” but it was if no one was listening to him, everyone now in their own little world with thousands of thoughts and questions running through their minds.

Brian pressed on with this new found entity.

‘What are you exactly? A demon? A ghost?’

‘I don’t know. I don’t have any memories of having a life or dying, and I don’t have an urge to do harm. I just kind of awoke one day, here. I watched people and animals come and go, building erected, changed. I don’t know who or what I am, the only thing I knew from the moment I awoke was my name. Y/N.’

Brian was a little confused by this. He didn’t know what to do next. He wanted to ask more questions, but he didn't know what to ask. He didn't feel scared or frightened, he didn't know what he was feeling.

While Brian was trying to think of what to do next Roger quickly grabbed the paper and pen , reading over the small conversation and than scribbling down his own question.

‘If you’re not a demon, then why did you say those things about my song, its great’

‘Well, it is kind of strange, isn’t it? Why would you say such sexual things about an inanimate object?’

By this point Roger was so upset that he just dropped his pen and stormed out of the kitchen. Freddie was a still a little shocked, but was not about to start writing to some unknown entity, so he followed Roger to make sure he didn't completely destroy the farm.

John slowly walk over to Brian.

“So..?” John asked.

“So what?” , Brian looked over to the shorter man.

“So, what do we do about this.. Thing? How do we get rid of it?”

“Get rid of it? Thing? John, this isn't some object or force, it's a person, I can feel it. And furthermore why would we get rid of them? They've done nothing wrong, in fact they have been nothing but helpful!”

“Christ, Brian. Sorry, I didn't mean any offense, I just thought that-”

“Brian! John! Come quickly, Roger has locked himself in the cupboard and wont come out until we all say his song is good.” Freddie had said quickly before running back to where Roger had locked himself up.

“Come on Roger, enough of this!” Brian said towards the large cupboard near the recording room.

“No! Not until everyone apologizes for saying my song was bad!” Roger yelled from inside, slightly muffled by the large wooden doors.

“What kind of cupboard has a lock on the inside?” John asked, ready to just walk away.

“Come on, lets just apologize and get back to work, OK?” Freddie said, motioning for the 3 of them to all say sorry at the same time.

The 3 men, in unison, said “sorry”. They expected Roger to almost instantly unlock the cupboard and step out, but instead he shouted from inside once more.

“I want them to say it too” Roger shouted.

Everyone stood in silence for a second. They all knew what Roger meant, but were apprehensive at first to do anything. Just as Brian was going to reach for some paper a nearby radio switched on, filling the room with a loud screeching sound before settling down to a low static hum. Then a small, soft voice echoed from the radio.

“I’m sorry.”

Roger unlocked the cupboard, slowly stepping out. “W-what?” he said.

“I’m sorry; for saying your song was bad.” the voice said again.

“Y/N, is that you?” Brian asked

“Yes, I'm glad this worked. I was worried that the radio would burst into flames or explode.” said Y/N, a low hum hanging over their voice.

The 4 men spent hours talking to this mysterious invisible person. Freddie warmed up to them, as if hearing their voice helped him to trust that they weren’t going to do any harm to him or his friends.

Long after the sun had set Brian was the only one left by the radio. The 3 other men had one by one gone to bed, leaving Brian and Y/N by themselves.

“Brian, do you like stars?” Y/N asked.

“I do actually. Before I was in this band I went to school for astrophysics, I even taught at a school for a while. I really like space and learning about all the advancements in technology that are being made that are expanding our knowledge of our universe.” Brian had lit up upon discussing this topic with his new friend. He talked on and on about space and how he wanted to go back one day to finish his PhD.

“Sorry, I’ve been talking from a while and didn't even give you a chance to talk.” Brian said, realizing he had been talking for quite some time.

“It’s alright, I like hearing you talk about something you’re so very passionate about.” Y/N said.

A pink hue spreed upon Brian’s face, quickly he changed the subject. “What about you, Y/N? Do you like the stars? Have any favorite ones?”

“My favorite star is Polaris, the north star. But out of all the things that can be seen in the night sky, my favorite is the moon. No matter what phase it is in, no matter whether it is visible or not, it is always there.”

Brian felt a special connection to Y/N. something he had never felt with any other person before in his life.

Everyday Brian would talk to Y/N, the rest of the band would as well, but it seemed no matter where he was, Brian had a radio by his side. He would play songs to Y/N before anyone else. They were always the first and last person Brian would talk to every day. Brian had grown so attached that he feared the day he would have to leave. Brian tried to push back his fears, but before he knew it, the day had come that he and the rest of his band had to pack their bags and go back to their homes, presenting the album to their producer.

With all the bands bags packed in the car that was waiting to take them back, Brian was standing a with a small handheld radio in his hands a few feet away.

“Y/N, do you think you could come with us? Come tour the world with us and help us write more music?” Brian asked the small radio, since he could not see Y/N he had grown accustomed to talking to the radio, as if Y/N was trapped inside it.

“I don't know, Brian. I would love to go with you, but I don't know if I can leave. I've never tried to leave before, but I don't know what would happen if I did.” They could not be seen, but from the sound in their voice it was eminent that Y/N had tears in their eyes.

“If-” Brian paused for a second, fighting back his own tears, “if I never hear you again, promise me that you'll never forget me.” Brian looked up from the radio, look forward, as if he could tell Y/N was standing there right in front of him.

“I promise.”

It was almost if Brian could actually hear them, not from the radio, but from the surrounding area.

“Come on, Bri! We have to get going now!” Rodger called after Brian.

Before leaving, Brian quickly placed one of his guitar picks on the ground and stood back up.

“Good bye, Y/N. I'll never forget you.” Before Y/N could respond, Brian shut off the radio and made his way to the car. Shortly after the car sped away with the band and Brian inside.

Several months had gone by, none of the men had forgotten the mysterious Y/N. It was late and the men had just finished one of their shows. Trying to cool down away from all the cheering fans and the press, Brian made his way onto the roof of the venue. There he saw a figure of someone he felt that he knew. Their white clothes appearing to glow in the moonlight. Slowly making his way over, he stood next to them.

“I Believe this belongs to you.” they said, holding out their hand, in the center of their palm was Brian’s guitar pick, the one he left that day on the farm months ago.

Brian smiled. “You can keep it, as long as you promise never to leave my side.”

“Deal” Y/N said, wrapping their arms around Brian’s neck, while he wrapped his arms around their waist.

From that day on, Brian was always the brightest person in the room to Y/N. And every once in a while Y/N would be gone for some time, only to reappear a short while later, but no matter whether they could be seen or not, everyone knew they were always there by Brian’s side.

#Brian May #Brian May x reader #they/them #they/them reader #Queen #queen fanfiction #Brian may imagine #Bohemian Rhapsody #bohrhap #Gwilym Lee #John Deacon #Joe mazzello #Roger Taylor #Ben Hardy #Freddie Mercury #Rami Malek #70s Brian May

101 notes · View notes

lightsandlostbells · 6 years ago

Text

Skam France season 3, episode 2 reaction

Skam France is really leveling up

Eliott Demaury, raccoon enthusiast is the best creative decision they’ve ever made

Episode 2

Clip 1 - surejan.gif

Is the B-roll or w/e at the start of the clip the same place Lucas was brooding in the first clip of the season? It’s probably reading too much into it but I like that those two dudes on the bench are there for a reason, like mirroring Lucas and Eliott at the end of the last episode, sitting with space between them (no Chloé in the middle, though).

Lucas scrolls through his phone looking for Eliott. He doesn’t find him, but he does find a friend request from Chloé, which he accepts after a moment’s hesitation. Son, she’s going to take that as a marriage proposal.

Mika plops down beside him and nags Lucas about the rent. Now that Manon’s parents are no longer financing Lucas’ rent, seems like he’s behind. Can I just mention that Mika and Lucas look like they could be related? I know it is a running Skam fandom joke that the Evak couples look related (sometimes said with underlying homophobia IMO BUT I’m not going to go into that rant now) and I’ve seen people say Lucas and Eliott look similar, but Lucas and Mika are the ones who stick out the most to me. Actually, Lisa too. If you told me that this was an apartment of like ... three siblings being gay and cranky at each other, I would buy it.

Notifications are going off on Mika’s phone. It’s because Mika changed his profile pic, which he helpfully shows to Lucas/the viewers - I mean, I can get why his phone is blowing up, not gonna lie. No dick from what I can see, but you know. Suggestive. Pubes are clearly visible.

Lucas is like, I don’t want to see that! Well, I don’t think Lucas objects to naked men but I believe him in this instance because Mika is fulfilling the big brother role. Mika teases him about seeing what a man’s body looks like. Don’t worry Mika, in like a month Lucas is going to have very thorough knowledge of what a man’s body looks like.

Mika then asks for Lucas’ advice on a straight dude who wants a blowjob. Does he want it for himself or to do it to Mika? He helpfully imitates a blowjob that freaks out Lucas. I mean, it kinda freaks me out, I had war flashbacks to that grapefruit technique video. (If you have not seen that video, all I’m going to say that it is highly NSFW, not to be watched in public or if you have a heart condition, and I’m sorry.)

Mika is like, if you want to suck dick, you’re not that straight. Lucas is like, well, maybe he wants to try. Maybe that guy is just curious! HMMM Lucas, interesting train of thought. I’m sure you have no personal investment in this debate whatsoever. Mika helpfully shows Lucas’ a picture of the “curious” guy’s butthole. That Mika, being so helpful today.

Lucas gets up because he doesn’t want to spend his weekend looking at naked guys. Well, maybe not guys, plural. Again, in about a month you’re going to look back on that comment and laugh, bro.

Mika and Lisa agree that Manon was funnier. Lmao, I kinda love how they’re so unimpressed with Lucas.

Clip 2 - Light and dark

Lucas walks into school on Monday morning and … goes through an attendance book? He didn’t even hesitate, this guy does not give a single shit, does he? He’s just going to grab love by the balls. The camera puts us in Lucas’ POV by focusing from top to bottom like it’s imitating Lucas scanning the list, which is a good detail. Skam France had some POV issues I didn’t care for in previous seasons so this feels more carefully thought out.

Just as I’m noticing Raptor Alex’s name above Eliott’s, the man himself appears. Oh yeah, they’re supposed to be pals now. They have a short conversation where Lucas is like, WHOOPS, silly me taking the wrong book! When Alex asks for the register, Lucas snakes out and distracts him by congratulating Alex on him and Emma. Alex is like, “Huh? Did Emma tell you that?” Well, they were obviously making out at the party and hanging out together in their IG stories, so while it’s maybe an assumption that they are 100% a couple, there’s obviously something going on between them.

I’ve never really been like ... dying for Isak/P-Chris friendship or interaction post-S2, although I think it could have been interesting. Plus, Chris had graduated by S3 so there weren’t as many opportunities for them to interact. But it’s a nice follow-up here since Raptor Alex is still in school with them. (Was he supposed to graduate along with Charles last year, though? I totally forgot. It feels like those seasons aired forever ago.)

Bell rings, Lucas scampers off with the register. I was like, “Wait, did he even put it back?” until Alex calls after him for it, lmao. I like to imagine that it’s just gone forever, a casualty of love.

In the classroom, Lucas looks up Eliott on his phone. Unlike Isak, he has the wisdom to plug in earbuds before listening to anything.

He’s looking at a crowdfunding page for a project of Eliott’s. It’s noted that the project closed and that the funding was not reached, and that detail punched a hole in my heart. Instant poignancy, instant affection for Eliott. We don’t know the circumstances yet of why he didn’t meet his goal, and if it was at all related to his manic/depressive episodes - perhaps a nice bit of foreshadowing if it turns out they are related - but it’s automatically sympathetic to learn someone had a dream that went unfulfilled.

In a video, Eliott is talking about his project - a film called Polaris, about two characters and a tunnel. One is a boy, and one is not specified, (a boy, a girl, a creature) which I think is hinting at Elliott’s pansexuality, that he’s okay with any gender, it doesn’t matter to him. The second character does not leave the tunnel, because they are afraid of the light, and they meet the boy, who’s afraid of the dark. They can’t live in each other’s worlds so they chat at the border without ever seeing each other. They talk and fall in love but never meet until one of them decides to conquer their fears and go to the other’s world.

So there’s a lot of obvious symbolism here. Tbh, it’s pretty on the nose and I wish they’d toned it down just a smidge, since this is like … probably exactly what is going to happen with them for either their first kiss or their version of O Helga Natt (or both), but I still appreciate the effort a lot and am eager to see it in action. This is what I wanted from S3 remakes, for each of them to develop their own symbolism that fits their characters, because Isak and Even’s symbolism is so specific to them, their names and their story, that you inherently lose something when you transplant it to other versions of them. The concept of rebirth is really beautiful in a gay love story about coming out and being born as one’s authentic self; I think the idea of light and darkness being used in a similar way - especially in terms of a coming out narrative, being in darkness, coming into the light - could also be beautiful, and of course there are the ideas of having to be brave in order to live with each other, very relevant for an m/m couple in a homophobic society and for someone like Eliott who would be afraid to get close to someone due to his mental illness. It also works in the sense that neither of the characters in the film see each other until they get over their fears - both Lucas and Eliott have baggage and neither will really “see” or understand each other truly until they confront their respective issues.

Right now it seems like Eliott would be the one in the tunnel and Lucas is the one who’s afraid of the dark, and Lucas is going to have to leave his world to be with Eliott. Because well, this is supposed to be Lucas’ story, and the name “Lucas” is associated with light, or meaning “light-giver” or something similar. We know that one episode is called “the boy who was afraid of the dark” and that’s probably referring to Lucas since it’s his POV. At this point in the story, too, we aren’t supposed to know that Eliott is mentally ill, we don’t know he’s struggling, so we might also think that it’ll all be on Lucas to change in order for them to be together. But I think it’s also plausible that maybe they’ll switch roles over the course of the season, they both take turns in the light and in the dark. Maybe Lucas steps into the dark for the first kiss, conquering what he’s afraid of, then he steps into the light for the O Helga Natt equivalent. Or Lucas steps into the dark for the kiss, Eliott must step into the light for O Helga Natt. There are many ways it could go. But this is also what I like about them changing the symbolism, it leads to this kind of speculation.

I’d like to see Lucas and Eliott being a little more strongly contrasted, too, sort of like they’re ... polar opposites, eh? OK, not that corny and not that they need to be so different that they can’t get along. I just think it’d be interesting with the light and dark metaphor to have them be clearly different in some ways, personality-wise, arc-wise. I want to see their separate worlds highlighted at some point.

Also want to mention that you could perhaps apply this imagery to certain scenes already, like in the first clip of the season you had Lucas in the daytime, light reflecting off the water and through the trees, but he’s not really comfortable there, he’s alone and detached. Later that night, Lucas making out with Chloé in the hallway sort of put him in shadow (or that might be Skam France’s lighting in general, IDK). Might be a reach but it’d be interesting if those choices stacked up throughout the season and reflected the larger metaphor, when we see who’s playing what role.

Polaris itself is “the brightest star in the constellation of Ursa Minor” so that’s another nice allusion to light in itself.

Imane shows up and scares the bejesus out of Lucas. She was going to give him the weed, but he ruined it by being a weenie. However, he redeems himself by expressing interest in the common room project and saying he’ll be at the next meeting. I wonder what changed his mind? Daphne’s enthusiasm? No matter, Imane must see some progress in Lucas, like he needs a reward for good behavior, because she decides to give him back the weed.

He’s grateful, but the teacher sees their drug exchange and wants to know what’s going on. When she asks to see what’s under the table, Imane whips out some tampons and says Lucas brought them to her. LMAO, that’s pretty funny.

She calls out the teacher for humiliating her in front of everyone, which is also funny, although I kind of feel bad for that teacher, lol. We haven’t seen her be a racist yet like Isak and Sana’s teacher, and I mean ... her students were passing drugs under the table, she wasn’t wrong about them being shady.

Arthur and Alexia laugh at them in the background. I want to know what’s going on over at that table! We can have two pairs of classroom buddies!

Lucas and Imane both laugh so that’s really the kickoff to their friendship. Tampons: saving the day, bringing people together. Tampax should make it into a commercial.

Clip 3 - Questionnaires

It’s the common room meeting, just the girl squad and Lucas, and they’re going over the questionnaires that people filled out. The consensus is that the common room sucks, and people make dirty comments when anonymous (literally the least surprising thing ever if you have ever seen a bathroom stall or any comments section on the Internet).

Daphne kicks out Emma when she gets a phone call and Lucas laughs along with the others. He seems way happier and more comfortable with the girl squad than with anyone else so far, and I think a lot of that is because there isn’t the pressure to maintain a typical hetero fuckboy persona with them as with the boy squad. They’re just girls engaging on a dorky project, so he can just relax.

Alex reads another questionnaire and the answers are all about Daphne. Lucas confirms that the phone number on the page is Basile’s. Daphne looks done with it, she’s caught him staring and drooling, she doesn’t get why he’s into her all of a sudden. Man, I’m already sick of Basile, he’s like Magnus from hell. Especially because Daphne is so not into it, and the fact that she’s noticed him salivating him over her makes it worse. I think it’s for comic relief but it quickly went to creepy territory, and I hate that they’ll likely hook up at some point. Please please don’t go there.

A lot of the questionnaires mention they dislike the mural, so I bet they’ll paint another one at some point, and I bet Eliott will have an idea that they use, being the artsy guy he is. Also, everyone wants them to throw a party so I’m sure that’ll be the setup for either the neon party or the Christmas party (whatever takes the place of those scenes).

Lucas reads another questionnaire that requests a vending machine (reasonable) and a nudist day once a month (not so reasonable) and I was gonna say it was Eliott’s form, because of the vending machine connection and probably some painful foreshadowing toward the hotel naked incident, but actually it’s Alexia’s form, LMAO. She wants the eye candy of naked guys and girls. A nice way to integrate her bisexuality since she’s into naked guys and girls.

I notice that Alexia has a little rainbow patch on her jeans, so I’m hoping that they’ve taken feedback from earlier seasons and will more directly address her sexuality. I know her ex Clara has been listed in the credits, so that’s very promising. I hope they keep it up and maybe Lucas can connect with her over being LGBT, well, G and B, respectively.

Emma comes back and complains that Alex thinks she’s been telling people they’ve been going out when they’re just hooking up, but Lucas does not care (even though he is responsible for giving Alex that impression) because Eliott walks by the window. Lucas hauls ass out of there and goes out to find him - give him some credit, Lucas is being pretty upfront about approaching Eliott, or going after what he wants so far. What is that gonna end up meaning to his overall character arc? I’m fine with that approach to Lucas’ character, I’m just curious how it will affect his overall characterization from beginning to end. Because Isak wasn’t a total wallflower, he did pursue Even in his own way, but I felt like because he also could be reserved and shy about Even, it was narratively significant when he took certain steps for clear reasons to his personal growth. (I think Lucas and Isak are maybe not all that different about their approaches so far, just slight ways that make it seem Lucas is bolder - like going up to Eliott at the vending machine himself, grabbing the register instead of walking by a list, running after Eliott instead of standing still and locking eyes with him).

Before Lucas can go stalking, he runs into the boy squad. Yann is like, were you in the common room? Spending a lot of time with the girls, eh? Like is he just being a dick about that, because Lucas is choosing the girls over the boy squad, or does he think Lucas wants to hook up with one of those girls? Or is this more about the common room project seeming stupid to him?

Of course Basile has to ask about whether Daphne is thinking about him, GOD please shut him up. Arthur tells him Daphne doesn’t care about him. The hero we need.

Lucas looks around the courtyard but no Eliott in sight. ur boys cockblocked u, bro

Chloé and Maria come up and invite the boys to their party on Friday. Maria’s fucking cute when she’s not puking, she does a little dance with the invitation. Lucas tries to say they have plans but Arthur’s like, no we don’t! We’re coming! No, Arthur, don’t say that, you know Basile is going to be a creep about it.

The squad gangs up on Lucas for saying no, because you’re always supposed to say yes to partying with girls, and it’s played for laughs with their reactions and stuff but really it is shitty how these guys don’t want to listen to their friend. I mean, let’s say situations were reversed and Lucas was a girl who said “this guy is stalking me.” We’d all be like, get away from that dude, you don’t have to spend time with him, right? Or we’d hope that girl’s friends would say so.

Lucas says Chloé has been clinging to him and it’s stressing him out, and Arthur’s like, I don’t get you, she’s into you, but you’re stressing out? Lucas is clearly stressed by this conversation and that he can’t tell the boys what’s up. All that pressure to like girls is draining him.

I think it is important to keep in mind that Isak also felt isolated from the boy squad at this point in the story, for similar reasons: he had a big secret that he couldn’t tell them, and he felt like he had to like girls to fit in with them, and they put pressure on him to hook up with girls, talk about girls, go to parties with girls. What I think is the big difference, and why it feels perhaps more noticeable with Lucas, is that Isak didn’t have the interaction with the girl squad other than Sana blackmailing him and Vilde annoying him, so we didn’t see him have this friendly outlet where he’s relaxed. In fact, the first time in his season we see him really start to relax and be himself is with Even. I think that contrast was valuable toward establishing Isak’s connection with Even, showing Even as someone who brings Isak out of his shell. But with Lucas, first he is able to laugh together with Imane - Isak and Sana had a moment but they weren’t like giggling together after Isak told off the racist teacher - and second he seems to be having a good time at the common room meeting. Then he goes to the boy squad and it immediately becomes tense. However, I don’t have a huge problem with Lucas laughing a bit with the girl squad here. It makes him seem somewhat less socially isolated, since he seems relaxed with them (even if this isn’t the deepest or most intimate interaction), but it still provides contrast to his interaction with his male friends. It would be nice if the story highlighted this a little more later on, as to why Lucas might feel more comfortable with the girl squad and not the boys when he’s closeted.

Clip 4 - Polaris

At home, Lucas watches the animated storyboard for Eliott’s Polaris video. A guy and another person of ambiguous gender meet just outside the tunnel in the rain and finally kiss.

I like that Lucas got to watch the project itself (or a storyboard of it) and be invested in it. That’s something I loved about Isak watching Even’s video and then watching R+J - he got to fall for Even watching him be funny and strange talking about his Cap/Putin video, and then he got to watch a movie that Even loved and that awakened these very emotional parts of himself. He got to see a great love in action and wish for that for himself, he got a glimpse of Even’s soul from the art Even loves. Lucas does something similar here in that he gets a glimpse of Eliott’s creative mind, something very personal, and fall for him further, and Eliott’s video is also about great love that Lucas feels that he wants in his own life, it chips away at that facade he’s put up, the lie he’s living. Good adaptation.

The only thing is I suspect that their first kiss or O Helga Natt is probably going to go heavily like that storyboard, if not exactly, which will likely be beautiful, but again, slightly on the nose for me. To be fair, obviously Isak and Even’s first kiss imitated Romeo + Juliet closely; I guess this being Eliott’s own creation/vision vs Even’s fanboying a film by his favorite director makes it a little more OTT, like if a scene from a novel I’d written came into my life, I’d feel weird and self-conscious about it. But that’s just me! I can also see why it’d matter to Eliott, to take this longing and make it a reality. But I think I’d rather just see him make his actual film, accomplish his passion project, than to recreate it in his own life. Maybe because, filming a beautiful love story and falling in love in real life fulfill two different parts of one’s self - one’s artistic creations are not substitutes for one’s social connections and vice versa - and Eliott’s unfunded film is a thing on its own that’s very poignant and begs to be carried to completion. Does that make sense? IDK, I’d like those big scenes to have similar themes and imagery but not like his storyboard come exactly to life. We’ll see how it goes.

I think it’s a little murky why Lucas searches for the “gay chat” - like is he trying to find Eliott there, or is he looking for any type of connection? Think it’s the former since that was shown more explicitly with Isak, but I guess you can say he’s just testing the gay waters.

The gay app that Lucas downloads features the picture of Skam France director David Hourrègue, much like Skam Italia had their male director in the gay app. (The directors look a tad similar, or is that just me?)

Lucas looks through pictures mainly of disembodied abs and bulges, until he stumbles upon Mika’s picture, and HA, that’s a REALLY good gag, hats off to Skam France. I remember being annoyed because they recreated the Jonas cunnilingus walk of fame in their season 2, except with none of the build-up that made the Jonas scene funny and emotionally resonant (with Eva’s reaction), so it lacked the impact and was just kinda there. This actually had some setup, good job.

Clip 5 - Two bros chillin’ at a bus stop

The boys are getting ready to go to Chloé’s party later and Basile starts talking about how he’ll get with Maria and I’m already so over this, please God let them talk about anything else. I get that this girl talk is establishing the overwhelming heteronormativity and pressure to pursue girls among these teenage boys, but like, let’s hear from Arthur about his hookup techniques, or if there’s a girl Yann likes, anything but Basile being a creep yet again.

He talks about calling himself “Daddy” to Maria as if I wasn’t already thoroughly horrified out by him. FUCK no.

And the guys are like, I thought you were all up in Daphne’s business? Basile basically doesn’t care, one girl or the other will do, ughhhh GODDDDD.

They tell Lucas that he’s paying for the beer because they’ve taken their turns paying. Lucas waits at the bus stop, texts his dad for rent and grocery money, then texts Mika for money (presumably to buy the beer). MEANWHILE, a figure in a familiar brown coat sits down. I can’t quite tell from the angle, is he sitting in the next seat or is there still one between them? You’d think Eliott would learn from the past not to leave space for any Chloés who might come along. (At the end of the clip I still couldn’t tell, lmao. Feel free to clarify if you have better spatial awareness than I do.)

It’s Lucas’ turn to get startled by a dude just staring at him intensely. They have some banter, Mika texts back that he’s working, Eliott notices something is up, Lucas explains that he has no money to buy beer for a party, so it’s Eliott’s suggestion to come back to his place and get the beer he has. Not Lucas asking him for help, like Isak did. Lucas has seemed somewhat more forthright in pursuing Eliott so this is a bit of a surprise, because a noticeable example of Isak asking Even for something was switched to Eliott offering. I guess you could say it’s Eliott’s development, if he’s the one in the dark and is holding himself back? We’ll see.

Clip 6 - Eliott confirmed weirdo

They go to Eliott’s place and Lucas checks out Eliott’s drawings. They’re cute. Dude really loves raccoons. They look at the drawings together and Eliott says they’re old and that he’s better at drawing himself now. Lucas is like … that’s you? LMAO, Eliott is so fucking weird, I kind of love him. He likes that raccoons have a mask. Well, we know Eliott has his own mask, so it’s fitting, I suppose.

Okay, French fans, I have to ask - what are the perceptions of raccoons in your culture? I found this article saying that the raccoon was introduced to France in 1966 and is considered a pest. They’re considered pests in North America, too, and spread disease, and sometimes they fall through ceilings, but like ... they’ve always been here, so there’s something about them that’s normalized, I guess?

Lucas asks if Eliott had to draw him what would it be. Well, that’s fucking forward. Eliott studies him and says he doesn’t know. So Eliott basically can’t figure out Lucas yet. What are the odds his later notes to Lucas will include his and Lucas’ fursonas? I know all Isaks are snakes but Lucas reminds me of a woodpecker, personally.

Or maybe they will both be raccoons for the sole reason that I want to start calling Lucas Little King Trashmouth.

MISSED OPPORTUNITY for Lucas to say “draw me like one of your French girls” or something along those lines, though.

Clip 7 - What ... the fuck ...

Lucas and Eliott smoke and talk. While Eliott gets up to change the music, Lucas checks his phone and he’s got messages from Chloé waiting for him.

Lucas blames his absence on the other guys lacking motivation and THAT is the least believable excuse I have heard in my fucking life, come on, Lucas. As if those dudes aren’t panting after those girls. Did you even meet Basile? If you talk to him for ten seconds you’ll already know the names of five girls he wants to fuck.

And of course he types this as Yann is trying to get in touch with him about the party, very much motivated to go.

One of these days an Isak just needs to lie in a plausible way. “Sorry I’m sick, I think I have food poisoning, I’ve been shitting my guts out for the last hour.” If you overshare and make it disgusting, they’re not going to question you further AND Chloé will probably back off and stop chasing you.

Lucas guesses that Eliott will be putting on some Chopin or Dad Jazz because the turntable makes him seem like a vintage collector but ACTUALLY Eliott is one weird motherfucker and I have to say, not even Even would pull this stunt this soon in their relationship, because what he puts on is dubstep and Eliott starts banging his head and jumping around in a completely unashamed way, and like, even Lucas in all his infatuation with this guy cannot help but stare at him like “what the fuck is going on.”

When Eliott asks about it Lucas responds, “....it’s cool!” in the same way I do when an older relative asks me what I think of The Big Bang Theory or the Minions.

Eliott asks Lucas about his tastes and Lucas is more into rock, like very famous bands, Nirvana, Rolling Stones, Beatles, The Clash. Eliott offers to put on Queen and luckily for the music licensing department Lucas is like, no, I like discovering new things. By which he means “I like discovering new boys.”

Eliott blows a perfect ring of smoke so we know he has more smoke skills than Lucas, going off Lucas’ messy shotgunning in episode 1, and then Lucas also starts to rock out to the music and I’m kinda feeling secondhand embarrassment but also, I guess this means they’re meant for each other?

Clip 8 - Piano man

They’re both sitting there stoned as fuck, Eliott doesn’t want to get up to change the record, so Lucas gets up and puts the record to the side. But instead of selecting a new one, he lifts the lid the piano and asks Eliott if he plays. Eliott says he can play the Star Wars theme - so he has Star Wars fanboying in common with Even, heh.

Lucas then sits down and starts to play perhaps too well for someone who’s probably pretty stoned by now (but I’ve never tried so who knows) and Eliott sits up. We get him smiling at Lucas, eyes shining. At one point Lucas looks behind him and seems to get encouraged by Eliott’s enchanted reaction.

Mmmm ... unpopular opinion, but while this is a really lovely scene, I kiiiinda wish they’d taken it down a notch or put the focus more on Lucas? Because there’s like ... not really any ambiguity about what Eliott feels after this, with his enamored stare at Lucas, and I think in context of the larger story, it takes a little tension out. I think with Even, the attraction was conveyed more in small looks and glances, and while I definitely thought he was always into Isak, from Isak’s POV you could see how the arrival of Sonja threw that into doubt, there was room to question whether Even really had feelings for Isak. Whereas here it’s like ... girlfriend or not, Eliott is smitten with Lucas, I don’t really feel that the ending reveal carries as much weight. I guess I’d put more focus on Lucas’ expressions as he plays, showing him getting into it and letting himself put down his emotional walls and express himself, showing him more open here with Eliott than he’s been so far anywhere else - this is his POV season, after all - and cut back on Eliott’s reactions to preserve a little mystery.

What I think is good about this moment is that Eliott got to share a part of himself, with his drawings (and his questionable taste in music), and unbeknownst to him his Polaris project, and now Lucas gets to share a part of himself with his piano playing, and so they’ve both let each other in to their artistic sides, perhaps establishing them both as creative types. It’s cool that we both see their respective interests. They might even complement each other’s, like Lucas’ music might end up serving Eliott’s vision for his film or something. And this was obviously a turning point for Eliott, he may have noticed Lucas on the first point of school but this is what took his interest in Lucas to another level as he saw Lucas just unleash this piano piece, catching him off guard with something beautiful.

When Lucas is done, Eliott says it was impressive, and that Lucas is surprising, and he likes surprising people. Well they’re just being blatant as fuck, aren’t they.

Unfortunately, the night must end as Eliott has people to meet and Lucas has a party to endure. Eliott walks Lucas out and says it was great, they need to hang out again, Lucas agrees. I like this moment a lot because it is somewhat more ambiguous - like on the surface this could be a platonic conversation, just wanting to hang out as friends, but there’s just a little too much intensity, a bit too much of a pause in the delivery, to think this exchange is so casual.

Just as Lucas is going Eliott adjusts his hair? I don’t even know what he was doing because I do not notice a single change in Lucas’ hairdo but Eliott sure did it as a memorable parting gesture. Lucas is internally screaming, probably.

Lucas goes out the door and outside he checks his phone, of course Chloé is pissed, Yann asks why Lucas is lying, Chloé has been posting “men are trash” messages on IG. I repeat: just tell them that you have unstoppable explosive diarrhea and people won’t be so quick to judge.

Behind him, Eliott leaves his place and Lucas sees him greet a girl with a kiss. OK now that is actually a pretty big change because Eliott does not know that Lucas saw him with a girlfriend and like, I always thought Even was overcompensating with Sonja when he started to compliment her and make out with her, but Eliott was just casually greeting his girlfriend with a kiss, without knowing Lucas was there. He’s not going to know Lucas knows about his girlfriend the next time they meet. If Lucas is irritated with him, he’s going to be like WTF.

There’s piano music at the end, and with its inclusion in the clip itself, I’m thinking they’re going to use a lot of piano on the soundtrack this season. They already did it in episode one.

Social Media/General Comments

Lucas apparently ran away from Chloé at the bus stop, heh. She texted him to “subtly” see if he wanted to hang out and insinuated that she wanted to swing by Lucas’ flat some time. Or not subtly. Nothing about her is subtle. She’s wearing a sign that says BANG ME LUCAS.

Lol, as I mentioned above, Emma was hanging out with Raptor Alex and posting pics and stories on IG, I don’t know why they’re surprised people might think they’re an item after they also just hooked up at a party. Like not necessarily together-4ever but it’s not an unreasonable assumption they have a ~thing.

Lucas and Imane laugh over the tampon thing via text later, it’s a sweet moment. I wonder how they’re going to play the religion discussions since the two are already warming up to each other, Lucas being like, “Why are you religious?” in a confrontational way would kill the vibe.

Manon was supposed to see The Book of Mormon with Charles, then later she posted “Night in after all.” Dramaaaaa. Manon, fuck Charles and go by yourself. If some dude bailed on me that night I’d be like, whatever asshole, we paid to see these singing Mormons and I am going to goddamn see some singing Mormons. (Also, lmao at her dramatically posting that publicly, talk about a passive-aggressive swipe at Charles.)

Let’s talk about Basile, goddamn Basile, because he is by far my biggest issue with the season so far. Everything else is pretty solid, any other quibbles I have pale to my rapidly developing kneejerk GTFO when he appears on screen.

Some of the issue is that this dude is so one-note and in a really intense way, like you know when you’re a toddler and your parent hands you a pot to bang on and you hit it with a wooden spoon over and over? That’s Basile. There’s also just the element of overexposure. He tends to take over the boy squad scenes just because he wants to get laid. It feels like we’ve already had as much of Basile thirsting after Daphne and Maria in two episodes as we did Magnus crushing on Vilde spread over the whole season.

You might say Magnus was similarly desperate to hook up with a girl, and that’s true of course. And look, Magnus isn’t perfect and he said some dumbass shit during the season, but at the same time, there was a kind of weird innocence to him? Even when Vilde is complaining about the first year girls taking the older guys, and he says he’s available to fuck if she wants, it’s an outrageous statement but the way it’s played has a bizarre purity to it, like hey, this girl thinks there won’t be anyone for her to fuck, I should offer! With Basile there’s more sleaziness to his behavior, like dude has been on Reddit too long and has read too many forums about embittered men seeking to get laid.

I think some of it also is that a lot of Magnus was not actively and aggressively pursuing specific girls and bothering them for the most part - after that first offer to fuck Vilde, we don’t see him nagging her or crossing her boundaries, from what I recall? The flirtation gets mutual. He mentions stuff like the Vilde sex dream to the guys but it’s not like he’s telling that to her. With Basile he’s directly going after Daphne in a very persistent way.

One way they could redeem Basile is have his behavior act as a criticism of toxic straight boy bullshit, to go along with the heteronormative pressure. We still have a bunch of episodes to go so perhaps Basile will have character growth.

One thing I didn’t care for was them breaking up the Friday clip into multiple parts and airing them one after the other. I suspected that it was due to time restrictions and I was right, according to the screenwriter on IG. It’s too bad because I think it interrupts the flow of the story. With Skam, we got to see Isak himself change over the course of the afternoon - he went from shy and reserved to opening up and being able to laugh and joke around with Even, and the fact that it’s all one clip makes it more noticeable. The length makes it feel like the lazy afternoon Isak and Even spent getting to know each other. Not Skam France’s fault they had to break it up, just a shame because it felt choppier - watching it clip by clip meant I kept going back to what I was doing in real life and losing the mood instead of sinking into it. But I appreciate what they were trying to do when they couldn’t have a long scene and I think the ways they cut the scene were probably the best places to end/start the clips, tone-wise.

On that note, I’m trying to avoid the BTS commentary but I ended up reading it when I saw the reaction to the Skam France writer’s thoughts on Isak. I get what the guy was going for, Isak was more reserved and shy than Lucas is and Even was doing a lot of the initiating, although yeah, I think his description was worded in an oversimplified way - I don’t think Isak was entirely naive and innocent, more like inexperienced (which is a different thing) and he was certainly the hero of his own story, he was brave. Just because he wasn’t as outgoing doesn’t mean he wasn’t taking control of his own story - I’d say that’s part of what makes his character development so powerful, that because he is more repressed, his choices to kiss Even, to come out to his friends, to learn to be himself, have even more impact. But I don’t think Niels meant to bash Isak or anything, and it’s very clear from his notes that he loves and respects the original season. I think his main point was just like “Lucas is more upfront in his actions,” lol.

Though on a related note, the experience of watching the remakes has made me think that a lot of people don’t get who Isak is as a character, and especially have some extremely bad faith and unsympathetic readings of him. But that’s a rant for another time.

Tbh I think the behind-the-scenes notes about production stuff like “Axel wasn’t a trained pianist but he practiced hard for this scene” is fine and fun, it’s more the stuff that’s like “Here’s the interpretation of the scene itself” that I wish would wait until the season ends. But lmao, I’m just gonna try to avoid that stuff again.

I actually did like this episode. I’m not sure Skam France is ever going to be my favorite remake, because there’s something about the way it’s filmed that feels more slick and well, TV-like than is my preference, but I can definitely see that they’ve upgraded from last season, and that they’re trying hard to give this story its own spin. The Polaris symbolism is the biggest sign of that so far.

If there’s something I do wish we could get more of with Skam France, it’s subtlety? As a show it often feels more dramatic and this episode leaned heavier on the blatant romance, which might be a cultural thing, and I can absolutely get why people are more drawn to that. There’s plenty of TV shows and movies that I like that are not subtle in the slightest. I guess I’ve just been thinking that I wish the remakes would not be afraid to rely more on subtext for parts of this season, especially building up this relationship. Like there’s nothing blatantly “romantic” about the Evak version of this clip - everything is heavily show don’t tell, and we have to read into the littlest moments, the shared glances. How Even smiles to himself for just a brief moment after Isak compliments his drawings, or how Isak gets flustered after Even teases him for not knowing who Nas is (because he wants Even to think he’s cool) and how Even says that they’ll listen to Nas later - the implication that Isak is going to stay a while and Even will share this with him. “We can’t go back now” is in relationship to the cheese toasties, except you know, it’s not really about the cheese toasties. With Lucas and Eliott, it’s really easy to pick out that Eliott is flirting when he’s flat-out telling Lucas how special he is and how he’s intrigued by him, and sure, that’s where they’re going with Eliott’s character and making him more direct but it’s also related to the overall method and effectiveness of the storytelling. (I mean ... having Eliott be like “You are this-and-that, Lucas” is the definition of telling, not showing, lol.) And I completely get why that works for a lot of people, it doesn’t NOT work for me, but the understated stuff is what makes me watch clips a dozen times to pick up on it all, the subtext is what gets under my skin. My favorite moment was their goodbye at the door because it was a typical friendly exchange on the surface but with more going unspoken, and I felt that on the screen. So not to whine, because I did legitimately enjoy the Lucas/Eliott interaction, those are just my preferences. (The show is not made for me personally etc etc., cultural differences etc etc. I’m aware.)

I am finally warming up to Lucas, after two seasons. I really don’t think that I didn’t care for him before just because his character was closed off and snaky, because I’ve liked every other Isak in the first season of their show even though they’ve also kept secrets and done shady shit. I think they’ve just found a way to portray his character more effectively after having to copy + paste S1 and S2. They can make the character feel more organic. Also, not gonna lie, it felt like they cut back on the serial killer looks (partially because Lucas has more smiley and relaxed moments) so A+ work, Axel.

Also, knowing that they had to redo the first two seasons so closely doesn’t really change my opinion of the quality of the first two seasons, but it does make me more sympathetic toward the cast and crew for having to color inside the lines, so to speak.

Eliott is a fucking weird ass human being and I’m really feeling his character. They made his absurdly good looks more approachable by turning him into a dubstep-stanning furry, and I am here for whatever shit they tell us about him next.

I also think think the use of music was much better than in previous seasons. There were some very deliberate choices in this episode, obviously, but it felt like they’re learning to use silence more effectively and not shoehorning the soundtrack as much.

Feel free to chime in or correct me about French culture/translation/other issues.

If you got this far, thank you for reading!

#skamfr reactions #skam france reactions

47 notes · View notes

verified-fanmade-deductions · 6 years ago

Text

Ok, I’m gonna post all of my thoughts about each episode after I’ve watched them.

The Slippery Slope

- I loved the mountain scenes!! They were very pretty, and they looked very cold, I would NOT want to be there without a jacket.

- I’m a little disappointed that we didn’t get our weird mixture of sticky substances to stop the caravan, but the scene was still very exciting, so I’m not very sad.

- The snow gnats didn’t look as bad as I thought they would, yay!

- Carmelita is still as annoying as ever, yay!!

- Uncle Bruce is now a girl???? I’m not complaining, not at all, I’m just wondering what made them decide to change that.

- KIT KIT KIT KITKITKITKITKIT!!!!!! AAAAAAAA MY GIRL!!!! I’m a little disappointed that her big reveal wasn’t in the taxi cab at the end of TGG, but I’m mostly just excited to see her!!!!!!

- KIT’S SWEET ASS DRAGON FLY WINGS MADE ME ASCEND TO THE NEXT PLANE OF EXISTANCE

- QUIGLEYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!! AAAAAAA my precious son!!!! We finally see him!!!! Yaaaaaaay!!!!!!

- VILLAIN REDEMPTION HURRAH!!!!! I’m SO glad they didn’t kill them off, and that they redeemed them, I really like that they did that!

- FERNALD AND SUNNY’S RELATIONSHIP MY HEART IS SOARING I AM SOOOO HAPPY THEY EMPHASIZED THAT!!!!!!

- SUNNY IS ACTUALLY SAYING WORDS NOW YAAAAAAAY!!!

- Bald beard man and woman were very scary, good job.

- They made them into Count Olaf’s mentors????? Sorry if I’m mistaken, but that wasn’t in the book?? I don’t care, I liked what they did with that. I love how they showed Olaf’s insecurity issues, it was good!

- MR. POE JUST COMES SLIDING IN OUT OF NOWHERE I’M DYING

- GSGSFSFF THE BANK ROBBERY SCENE MR. POE YOU’RE AN IDIOT

- The scene where Violet and Quigley were gonna break Sunny out and then Sunny tied up her hair and did that other cute stuff. I’m literally dying. My heart is soaring. I am ascended. I literally squealed.

- Fernald is a Good Bro TM

- I’m kind of sad that they made it so that Esmé was trapped on accident. GIVE ME THE MORAL DILEMMAS, GOSH DANG IT, IT WAS DEEP!!!!!

- I am EXTREMELY disappointed that there were no interactions between Quigley and Jacques. I wanted to see that. Netflix, you have disappointed me.

- THE EAGLES ARE COMING

- Seriously though those eagles were terrifying good job

- Violet and Quigley’s sweet moment <333333

- Who would win: A very smart young teen who survived a fire, or one branchy boi?

- I’m kind of sad that they didn’t have them being swept down the river near the end, it would’ve made it more exciting imo. I really loved that part in the books. But I get it, it would’ve been hard to film. This is still pretty good.

- I liked that tiny reference to Olaf and Kit’s relationship in there. Olaf sounded genuinely concerned for Kit. I’m such a slut for foreshadowing.

- ARE THE FREAKS DEAD?????? ARE THEY DEAD???????

Overall, these were two VERY good episodes, and I only had a few minor complaints that I don’t even care that much about. The imagery was stunning, and they did a lot of things that I am super grateful to them for doing. Thanks for reading!

#asoue #asoue season three #asoue season 3 #netflix asoue #asoue opinions #the slippery slope #asoue spoilers #asoue season 3 spoilers #asoue season three spoilers

20 notes · View notes

writelively · 7 years ago

Text

So you’re nervous about leaving comments on stories!

(From someone who has written over 150 stories online.)

First I’m going to give some tips for people with anxiety or those who are just nervous about offending a writer! You can skip this though and go straight to the second part if you like.

The second part (look for the 2′s) will be actual comments that you can copy and paste into the comment section of any story!

Something is better than not commenting at all, I promise!

I get it, it’s hard to come up with things to say that sound genuine and won’t waste the writers time. Well, the good news is: Comments take seconds to read and if you’re not being nasty, it’s never a waste of time!

Yay!

So I can write a short comment and they won’t be upset?

I don’t know about other writers, but (very) short comments are almost all I ever get. And they still make me smile and my heart flutter. Comments are what drive me as a writer! Short ones still make me happy, so don’t worry about it, if that’s all you can manage!

Isn’t it a bit shallow to ‘write for comments’?

What else am I writing for, buddy? I am writing for the fandom, not just myself! I write because there’s a sense of community and it’s fun to talk about the things I love and to make people feel !!~EMOTIONS~!! is the best feeling I get with my writing! It’s what has made this hobby take up so much of my life for a decade and a half.

But what if I want to give constructive criticism?

Will the person be okay with that? Good question. One good way of telling if they’ll be okay with what you say is: Did they ask any sort of question in the author’s notes? If they did, they are definitely trying to hear your voice, so don’t be afraid to speak your mind!

If you want to give advice or say something that bothered you about a fic, you can say 2 positive things before the negative comment and 1 positive comment to wrap it up. This way, they have lots to be happy about and are more likely to take your negative comment as good natured.

IE: “Wow, your characterization is so on point! I loved the way you described Frodo’s eyes! I didn’t feel like the fight scene with Legolas really fit the tone of the story, but the part when he rests his head on Gimli’s shoulder was both adorable and hilarious!”

As a writer, a comment like this would tickle me to death! I would literally go back immediately and reread the parts you talked about. (Ok, I’ve never written LoTR fanfics, but you get my point.)

But I’m not that good with specific writer things like ‘tone’ or ‘characterization’?

Also fine! How about this:

IE: “More of those kisses and cuddles plz! :D Ahh Captain Kirk was so cute! The story could use more dialogue, but I love all the fluff!”

Totally okay to use emojis, keysmashing and text talk. They just further show how you’re feeling and we LOVE that!

But I hated it, disagreed with its content, the pairing, etc?

Time to read something else, buddy! It’s not worth the stress on your body to give attention to something you hate. If someone was passionate enough about something to write about it, you won’t change any minds. Give your attention and passion to what you love and support the writers who write your interests! It’s better for everyone. I’ve been in fandoms for 15 years now and I can tell you that you will NOT be changing anyone’s mind. For yourself, move on.

I only felt ‘meh’ about this story, do I still have to comment?

Depends! Did you read the entire thing? If you did and still aren’t super ‘into’ it, but also didn’t hate it, maybe just write a simple single line like the ones I have listed below. If it was SO meh, that you actually regret reading it, don’t comment negatively. It could be a new writer and we don’t want to discourage new writers from writing! You could leave constructive criticism like above, or something small like below.

This writer is clearly very popular / the story already has comments.

Before you decide that a writer has ‘too many comments’ or ‘too many notes’ remember that on sites like Ao3, replies and replies to replies count as ‘comments’. If the writer replies to most of the comments, the number is going to look like it’s double what it actually is. And we always appreciate every comment! On tumblr, ‘liking’ something counts as a note. Reblogging with out tags or comments also counts as a note, but it’s better than just a like.

Remember, we love attention. We love to hear what you have to say. I’ve never seen a writer put in their bottom notes ‘Please don’t comment, I don’t care.’

If something has 400 comments or is super old and you think that the author probably won’t care, it doesn’t hurt to write something small! Just give it a shot! Even if they don’t reply, they still might see it.

I see people commenting on my work from 10 years ago and though I barely remember the fandom, it still makes me giggle. I love it!

But in the end, the judgement call on whether or not you’ll comment is yours to make.

I want something to happen in a later chapter, can I tell you that?

You can, but do not demand or expect that someone will steer the story line off where they were going for you. You may want to word in a way that makes it seem like you HOPE it will happen, rather than you ASKING for it to happen.

IE:

NOT this: Please let them kiss in the next chapter!! DO this: Aaaahhh, I hope they kiss, the tension is killing me! NOT this: Make Harry ask Luna to the dance. DO this: Luna keeps staring at Harry, and he keeps noticing. I see what you’re doing thereeee~ SIDE NOTE: Demanding any sort of smut/kinks/AUs/pairings/etc that the writer might be uncomfortable with and haven’t been brought up in the story is probably not okay. If you want to make a request like that, make sure the writer is OK with requests and if they are, request a completely different story.

If you’re worried a request might freak them out, try and do a little research.

Remember, tons and tons of teens and kids (underagers) write fanfics. Many of them may be writing things that are above their age grade. If you accidentally read one of these, just back away and don’t interact. It is illegal.

If you ARE a minor writing things like smut, remember: It’s still illegal. If you have any more questions about this, feel free to ask. But remember, always keep it SFW when you’re talking to an adult. If an adult knows you are underage and still wants to talk to you about / show you / RP smut and the like, back away. That is predatory and real kids AND teens have gotten hurt in this way.

OKAY! If you have more comments or suggestions, feel free to reblog and add them! Now for the copy and past part of our topic here!

222222222222222222222222222222222222222222

PART 2: COPY AND PASTE COMMENTS!!

Simple one-liners that you can use and reuse when you’re too nervous to write something yourself! Like I said above, writers will love anything! Just pick one (or more if you like) comment from below that you like, copy and paste it into the comment box on other sites or put it in your tags or ‘reply’s on tumblr!

No need to mention you used the list AND you can customize them as much as you like!

Many of these are based on comments I have received in the past, that have made me smile! I am not adding numbers, so that they are easier to copy and paste. Feel free to save this in your drafts, if you want easy access in the future!

Here we go:

This is really cute and I would love it if you continued.

This is really good! I like this idea. If you are still thinking about updating it I would be excited to see this story progress.

Awesome :D really hoping you'll continue

This was sweet and I would very much like to read more!

I can’t wait to hear more about __________ !

Love this so much!

Very interesting start. I look forward to reading the next chapter.

I'm already hooked... It's very well written :D

I was already hooked by the summary and I was ready for more by the end of the chapter.

To put it quite simply I loved it, and I hope you write more chapters.

This is really interesting, you have yourself a new fan. Update soon?

I can't wait to see where you go with this story!

OHMYGOD YESYESYES

HOW CAN YOU LEAVE US WITH A CLIFFHANGER LIKE THAT?!

_______ was my favorite line. love it.

You write beautifully, I love how you describe emotions!

This is interesting! I would like to see how you could make your short story ideas into a full story.

I like the character's interactions with each other, very interesting dynamics.

Ohh, please, update soon. Seems interesting and cool.

This looks very promising!

You kept me on the edge of the seat, but sadly it ended!

Will you update this? I wouldn't mind reading more of this!

I'm into this story already! Please update soon! :)

I started to read this out of curiosity, kinda thinking 'What? This can't possibly work!' and the next few minutes of my life were spent squeeing in joy.

You have converted me into a shipper!

UGH THE PAIN! You’re so evil, my heart hurts! (And I love it!)

I just started reading this as a sort of masochistic dare with myself... Dammit, why does this pairing just... work?

You're gonna turn me into a shipper, I swear to God.

I beginning to love this couple and it's all your fault!

Thank you, this is really cute!

I freaking love this pairing and it sucks that it isn’t more popular! Thanks for adding to it!

This was fun to read!

They are such an adorable couple

So few views?! That’s just wrong, this was so awesome!

Hmmm well now I kinda like this pairing...

I like this, it's sweet :') think you should continue it!

I would very much be interested in reading more if you were willing to write it. I like your set up in this chapter.

I would like to read more

S’good! And cute!

Brilliant! Please post more soon!

I can hardly wait for an update! :)

The way the characters are written is fantastic and believable, keep it up!

By any chance are you going to continue with this fic? It's quite good.

I hope your thinking of continuing this! I seriously love it!

This is honestly one of the best _________ stories that I’ve ever read.

Your stories are pretty good I must say, but this one really sticks out at me.

I beg you to continue your story if you have more to tell!

Should you post more I will definitely read your updates.

Please post more, I NEED to know what happens!

ASKLDJHS LKJFHKJSFLF ALSKD JC

alsdjalksjhdkja chd aksjdh alksjhd

hjasfg;aoiuhfiwlfidsaifu

hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh;;;

The part with ______________ was really clever!

Oh, no no no! You can't leave it like this! It will haunt me forever!

Love this story! Even though the chapters were short, your story had a lot in it!

It was never lacking mystery and had me on edge waiting for the next chapter.

Wow... what's going to happen? *_*

I love it and I hate it, it’s so awesome, but it hurts and I hate it and I love it. WHY.

ok. I wasn't expecting that. That was really really really sad....

I cant believe you ended it that way!

GREAT FIC! I LOVE IT! PLEASE UPDATE SOON

MORE! MORE! MORE!...Ahem... sorry... I absolutely loved it. Please write more!

The little sinister things are what intrigue us to move onward. So keep writing! I'll be waiting for the next chapter with anticipation!

I think it was an adorable chapter, maybe a little OOC, but still cute nonetheless. :)

Wow, what an unexpected ending!

gah this is beautiful ❤

I love everything you write!

Holy shit dude yes

Everything. Literally everything about this. Just... yes.

I love this, it’s really good!

You’re a fantastic writer.

I can’t believe you were nervous to post this! I’m so glad you did.

Bravo!!

Bless you man. This is lovely!

The characters, the set up, the descriptions, the dialogue... All of it was perfect!

You write them exactly as I see them! Thank you!

Characterization was perfect, holy crap.

DUUUUUUUUDE!!!!!!

Great now I’m all bothered~

*wipes away sweat* wow that was hot

*wipes away a tear* oh my god....

Such good content to stumble upon, thank you for writing and sharing!

HELL YEAH!!

HELL YEAH?!

Woah. Just... woah.

My heart is shattered :’(

Holy shit that’s gonna keep me up at night....

Excuse me while I go find a shoulder to cry on!

I need a hug after that!

THANK YOU!

That is all I have time for today. I may add more in the future and you can always feel free to add some if you like too!

THANK YOU AND REMEMBER TO ENJOY ADDING COMMENTS BECAUSE YOU MAKE WRITERS DAYS, WEEKS AND SOMETIMES IT CAN MAKE A LITERAL WORLD OF DIFFERENCE FOR US!

END NOTE: I wrote this up because I see a lot of posts from writers talking about how hurt they are that no one bothers to comment and people retorting that they’re too nervous to post. So I made this to make it easy! 99.99% OF WRITERS WILL LOVE YOU FOR COMMENTS!

Writers can’t do commissions like artists can, so this is the best way to support us! (Yes, I understand commissions are POSSIBLE, but it’s very difficult and in most of the instances I’ve seen people try it, someone is always disappointed. Most of us just want you to talk to us!)

#fandom advice #not sure what to even tag this as so please reblog so nervous people can see it?#social anxiety #i just want to help #feel free to ask questions #over chat or anonymously or not anonymously but tell me not to post it #it's all okay #i am here to help and answer questions!

49 notes · View notes

ruvik-haunting-eyes · 7 years ago

Text

My thoughts about The Evil Within 2 (spoilers)

I’m not good at constructing criticims (besides I only played it once for now) , but I just want to let you know my thoughts about The Evil Within 2, guys.

The first game was such an amazing surprise when I decided to purchase it. I’ve never been such passionate by a game for years. I bought it on PS3, then PS4, did the freaking Akumu mode twice. I’ve played this game again and again, without ever growing weary. Sure, it wasn’t perfect. But this game has such a good balance in differents ways : difficulty, recent/old school games mechanisms (I miss those), true boss fights (not just quick time events), horror/infiltration and actions phases. The story was really intriguing, it was like a puzzle you had to reconstitute. Every detail was important, the files were important. The game was literally making you losing your mind.

So, of course, I really wanted a sequel. I’ve made several dreams about it. The story wasn’t finished, and I always thought that this game has great potential, and a uniquness.

When I finished The Evil Within 2... I had mixed feelings. I felt empty. In a good, and in a bad way. In a good way because, the ending made me feel nostalgic which is the proof to make me think that the game was obviously good enough. In a bad way, because all the answers I’ve been waiting for were mostly unanswered.

When you think about it : what answers The Evil Within 2 gives us about the questions we have from the first game ? If you bought the game to know what happened to Ruvik/Leslie and Joseph, well, be on your way. The first game was essentially focused on Ruvik’s backstory. Now, it is the turn of Sebastian and his family. Now, don’t get me wrong : I couldn’t wait to hear way more about Sebastian, and also the new antagonists Stefano and Theodore. But it still turned out pretty much different from what I expected it to be. “What happened in Beacon is in the past. You need to forget it.” says Juli. Well, that’s exactly what I felt while I was playing this game. It’s almost like a message from the developpers : this game was made for a new public so forget everything you know about the first game. What is the point to make up the plot and have such a huge cliffhanger at the end, if there’s nothing behind it in TEW 2 ?! Do you want to save Ruvik/Leslie & Joseph for another TEW ? Fine, no problem. I am open minded, and I have nothing against the idea to make the sequel focused about Sebastian and new characters. But you can’t just make us completely ignore these facts in the sequel, like nothing happened. It’s been years since we’re talking and making theories about it. And the game shows NO sign at all from them. At least, Joseph was confirmed to be alive. But Juli said that Sebastian stopped Ruvik. So what ? Are you going to decide that he and Leslie are truly dead now ? I don’t get it. That little moment at the very end of the game, when you see the STEM coming back online by itself... I don’t want my enthousiasm to take over. It could be anything, anyone. Maybe Myra, who knows.

There was also interesting moments about Sebastian’s past (the events after beacon, his memories,the psychologist) with Anima, but most of them are completely optional. Why ? They should have make this inevitable ! In my first walkthrough, I missed the Anima parts and these moments are one of the most scariest in this game ! After you meet her, she occasionally appears to haunt you while you’re exploring. It’s adding that pressure you had just like in Chapter 9 while you are exploring the mansion with Ruvik’s ghostly appearance.

It leads me to a point that unfortunately, affected my horror experience for this sequel. The semi open world. I really don’t want to say bad things about it. I love to explore. Semi open world, linear world, both of them have their advantages and flaws. The thing is : in the first game, you were somehow forced to confront the enemies, especially in the action parts of course. The thing is, I really felt tension in the first game. I felt danger. And to be honest, it didn’t really happen in the sequel. Because I think that the semi-open world gives so much possibilities to hide and avoid combats. My way of playing, I think, didn’t allow me to sense that stress that I felt from the first game. The places were big enough to run and hide, but still, it was limited, you couldn’t always choose the stealth option. Sometimes, you just had to think fast, and do with what ressources you possess (Chapter 6 with Joseph, for example). Do you remember Chapter 10, The Craftsman's Tools ? That chapter was really oppressing. In fact, you were in that mood since the first chapter. Chapter 1 in TEW2, is just a flashback, plenty of cutscenes, and walking in a dark screen. Anyway, I hope there is some understanding here. I think they were also much more enemies in the first game, more variety too, that’s why I felt more uncomfortable.

Which leads me to another point. The sequel clearly doesn’t have the same atmosphere from the first game. It is not about the gore, blood everywhere or something. Gore doesn’t necessarily means that’s it’s super scary. I really felt that Shinji Mikami was not the director in the sequel here. The first game was 100% Japanese. There was definitely a big American touch in many ways in the sequel. And the fact that it was made for a larger audience. More scripted like a movie, playing less, more “simple”. Without any doubt, the game is shorter than the first one to me, if you don’t take the time to explore and wander in Union city. I was shocked how much the chapters seemed to pass before my eyes so rapidly even though I am definitely not the kind of person who rushes through the levels of a game, I can assure you. I finished TEW2 in a little more than 17 hours. I finished TEW1 in 22 hours. Where’s the error ? o_o

Okay, I still enjoyed the story. A lot of people seemed to complain about how Sebastian gets too much emotional here, and I was also scared that the developpers would turn Seb into a Drama Queen. But I honestly think they added more depths into Sebastian’s character, without changing his tough personality. Hey, he’s been through a lot, his reactions are normal. I was touched whenever there was the family moment. Especially at the end of the game, with that damn good “Ordinary world” theme. As awesome as “Long Way Down” by the way. Didn’t think it sounded too much cliché. It was cool to see Seb’s “dad side”. I was just hoping that he would find more on his journey, with the events from TEW1, even as a minor part. But no. NOTHING.

Once again, the other characters could have been so much more interesting. But to be honest, let’s face it : in TEW1, Ruvik was the only character that was well developped. Sebastian’s backstory was only present in his journal. We barely knew something about Joseph and his friendship with Seb. And I don’t even talk about Juli, you had to play the DLCs for that. I’m trying to stay impartial, TEW2 was still better on this side. I was just hoping something better. The Mobius agents, well... When they begin to die one by one, you just understand that is going to happen for the rest of group. Hoffman’s sacrifice was predictable. It would have been a good suprise if she didn’t die. It would have been a good thing if you were able to save some of the agents depending on your choices. But they would have died anyway because of the ending (I’ll get back to this later on.)

Stefano and Theodore... Well uh... When I encountered Stefano, it felt like, the chapter after, I had to kill him already. Stefano : “Ok let’s fight because you know, Theodore is about to replace me, we don’t have much time.” XDDDD

Whyyy ? I wanted more to just “admire” Stefano’s seedy gallery, needed more backstory again, more interaction with him. But Theodore was the one who disappointed me the most. This kind of character are often the most interesting for me, the ones that use the words with such ease to make you feel uncertain, distort you thoughts, or all the contrary, convince you they’ll change your life for good, manipulate you, uses your inner fears and desires... From what I reminded, his speech was all about “Give me Lily, blablabla, give me her power blabla.” I was expecting more charisma in these two characters, but their apparitions and personalities were unimaginative, or rather too much furtive. It felt more like minor characters to me while they could have been more remarkable. :( Their presence weren’t as memorable as I thought. Still like them. I just think that the developpers would have take one more year to do this game. I am sure that it would have been more in-depth in the form. That moment when Theodore tries to destabilize us with the events from Beacon ( Laura, Keeper, Sadist Boss Fight ) was pure gold. Fan service, but still epic, and intense. That reminds me how much the first game left his mark on me. Maybe because it was the surprise. The mystery of the story, where you were wondering and trying to discover what the hell was going on in this place. By the way, does anybody know what this religious sign we saw everywhere in the first game, and now in the sequel, actually means ? We still don’t get any information from this, do we ? It is a cult but... Is it finally somehow linked to Mobius, or not ?? I didn’t understand. Oh, and I still don’t get why the boss all look like Laura. No answers again. Is it really her, or a model of Stefano ? If that’s the case, they could have changed her design because she looks awfully like Laura. Is it simply because Sebastian’s memories have an impact in this world, so he sees Laura everywhere in different forms ?

And Mobius is dead. The Administrator is dead.

... WHAT ? ALREADY ??? Oh my, I saw a future where Mobius represented what Umbrella represents in Resident Evil series. A powerful organisation that will persist in the years. And they all dropped like flies. Are they going to make a conclusion to the story already ? Or was it necessarily for a possible reunion with Ruvik ? I mean, Mobius was in the way. Ruvik needed to take them down. I suppose he played a part in TEW2, even if we don’t see him. I’m pretty sure his consciousness is still alive. Ruvik had plans to make sure he’ll be “born and reborn again”, just like he said in the torn letter. I’m pretty sure parts from him still resides in the persons who were connected to the machine such as Sebastian, Juli and Joseph. We still don’t have a clear explanation for Juli’s wound.

TEW2 is a good game. It’s a step forward in some ways, and a step down in other ways. I know I haven’t discussed a lot about what I enjoyed about this game but... I needed to speak more about this sensation of dissatisfaction. I was pretty sure that I was going to think “WOOOOW THIS GAME WAS SO AWESOME !!!” and instead, I was more like “Oh... that’s it?” When I had TEW1 I just couldn’t wait to play it again. Now, for TEW2, a new day comes and I ask myself “Should I play it today ?... No, I don’t really want to.” which just makes me feel really, really sad.

#The Evil Within #the evil within 2 #Psycho Break #psycho break 2 #tew 2 spoilers #opinion

45 notes · View notes