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yuutaok · 2 months ago

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nothing shameful (Yuuta Okkotsu x gn reader. 18+)

CW: MDNI!! incest, five year age gap (thats not an age gap to me but I’ll mention it anyways), explicit sexual content. Virginity loss (reader). JJK spoilers, most of this is post-canon. reader wears a skirt at one point but everything else is genderless.

Length: 3.6K

A/N: this is considerably less horny and more emotional than I intended going into this. Anon who asked me about cousin yuuta this is definitely not what you meant but. I got hit with a vision you see… oh and Hana is like. The unofficial name everyone has given Yuuta’s sister on Twitter. So it’s fake but like. A fancast. Ykwim. Also there’s a scene in here (not romantic but some feelings are implied) where reader is 16 and yuuta is 21. They dont act on anything until reader is older. If that bothers u dont read, k?

“You can see her too?”

Those are the five words that started it all, spoken by your cousin Yuuta in a hushed, surprised voice back when he was just ten and you were five. You were playing in your mother’s living room, surrounded by Yuuta, Hana (his younger sister), and a mountain of toys, when, while setting one of your dolls into a toy car, you so casually looked up behind Yuuta and asked him, “Who’s your friend?”.

You don’t remember it well, but for Yuuta that moment changed everything for him.

Up until that point, no one believed that there were eyes lurking in the shadows, creepy laughing creatures clinging to people, nor that the hulking spectre with massive, sharp teeth at his side was indeed the remnants of his recently deceased best friend, Rika Orimoto—all of the things a young, confused Yuuta would desperately trying to convince his mother of. His mother, and later your mother (sisters the two of them, bonded at the hip) would brush off Yuuta’s worries—schizophrenia, they called it at one point. Delusions, at another.

“What a shame,” you recall your mother saying once, while chopping radishes. “Yuuta-kun’s such a sweet boy otherwise.”

And later, when you told her he wasn’t making it up, that there were monsters at every corner, in every closet and every alley, she simply said, “What a shame, that you’re talking nonsense now too.”

To say that you and Yuuta became each other’s confidants was an understatement. As the years passed, you were the only one Yuuta could turn to, the only one who would believe him when he spoke of ghoulish monsters and sneering laughter in his ear that never seemed to go away. At every family gathering you’d be side by side, looking out the window and pointing out the curses you see, or you’d be outside exploring some scary side of the park. Whatever little harbor for low-level curses you’d find, the fear of these monsters would go away the second you faced them with Yuuta holding your hand. And though he was scared too, something about facing them together felt empowering. At one point even Hana was jealous of you two—it felt like you were harboring a secret she could never be in on.

And one secret became many, as the years went by.

You learned later that you were born with the ability to see curses. That, just like others who have the sight, you awakened it around the age of five or six. Yuuta tells you this when you’re twelve and he’s seventeen, now miles away from Sendai, placed into a school that he says is special. It’s where you’re both (finally) confirmed as not being crazy afterall. He tells you everything: that those monsters you see are called curses and that they kill thousands of people across Japan; and that there are people who exterminate them for a living, too. He tells you that is what he is doing now at his college in the mountains in Tokyo. And that he helps people, saves them from these monsters. That he’s found his purpose and his place in the world, finally.

You ask him, naive as a child, if there’s a place for you there. And he says when you’re old enough, you can be a part of his world too. And you cling onto that hope, terrified of Yuuta going to places where you can’t follow; afterall, this was once a secret, for just the two of you. Something about the fact that others knew this side of him hurt, though you didn’t understand the feelings then.

But you surely understood your feelings when you were sixteen, a first year at the Tokyo technical college, and your cousin Yuuta was now a teacher at the college. You hadn’t seen him in quite some time—he’d been absent from family gatherings since attending the college, always too busy to make it to anything on time. You learned later that it’s because he’s the one and only special grade sorcerer, a man so powerful he’s in a league of his own, and as a result spends nearly every day around the clock exterminating the most powerful of curses. Suddenly missing a new year’s dinner or a birthday didn’t seem so terrible.

But on that first day of class, you knew nothing except that he’d abandoned you, left you among the rest of the family that could never understand the things you see everyday, the constant paranoia and fear that you felt. Only Yuuta understood you, only Yuuta could make sense of all of it.

It’s what had you lingering around him after class, whining for his attention.

“Yuuuuuuuta-niiiiii,” you slumped onto his chest, after the other students had left the room.

(Calling him ‘yuuta-nii’ was something you used to do as a child, mimicking his sister Hana. When you were younger, it used to make him blush, and used to make him stammer out ‘I’m n-not your brother!’

As if being cousins was such a different distinction.)

“I haven’t seen you in so long I’d thought you died or something,”

Yuuta simply chuckled at your antics, no longer the blushing stuttering kid he was, but embraced you all the same, big strong arms coming to wrap around your frame.

“Is that why you were giving me such an angry look the entire class? I’m sorry.”

As he squeezed your waist, you took a deep breath in. He smelled so good—like clean laundry and an earthy, pine-scented soap. And he’d gotten so tall, he had to bend at the waist to hug you. When had your cousin, scrawny and trembling like a fawn at all times, become a man? And what were you doing, ogling him like this? Your face felt warm at the thought.

“I’m just… glad to see you again,” you hiccuped, emotions overwhelming you.

Yuuta pulled away from you, just enough to cup your face in his palms. You blinked away the wetness you felt welling up behind your lashes but you couldn’t bear to close your eyes, trying desperately to soak in Yuuta’s appearance. His hair may have been longer and his jaw may have hardened, face no longer round with fat—but his wide eyes still sparkled that dark, stormy shade of blue. It felt like home, seeing them again.

“Are you crying?”

“S-sorry,” you stuttered as he wiped at your eyes with his thumbs. “It’s just—I was so alone back in Sendai,” you murmured, fearful that you sounded like a child in his eyes. But they softened with warmth.

“I’m here,” he said, pulling you back into his chest. He felt your hands form fists into his jacket, the water from your tears wetting his coat. But he didn’t mind it. “Everyone here at the school understands this feeling. You’ll find a place here, I know it. I did it.”

“Okay,” you told him, your words muffled by his coat. You didn’t have the heart to say ‘but I want that place to be with you’ despite how much your heart willed it so.

After you calmed down some, you pulled away from each other. Something about how different he was—how much bigger, how much taller, how confident he was and how he’s a teacher now, treating you like a kid—it hit you like a tidal wave, making you feel so small. Without thinking too much of it, you crossed your arms over your chest and stared down at your feet. What an idiot you were, for crying at your cousin’s feet like a child when he’s grown into such a man.

As you stared down at your feet, you heard shuffling, and just as quickly as it started, it ended with him placing his white coat around your shoulders. He grabbed the longer side and fastened the button, covering you with it, leaving him in his black t-shirt. You willed yourself not to look at his arms.

“Huh?” You blinked up at him, confused.

“It’s a bit cold out,” Yuuta said, looking towards the window. “Are you wearing a summer uniform?”

You looked down at your navy blue clothes—a short-sleeved coat with the high collar, cropped at the midriff, paired with a short flared skirt, stopping at the mid-thigh. The fact that he’d paid such attention to your clothes made you fluster.

“It’s my custom uniform,” you explained, an index and thumb finger coming to pinch at the edge of your pleated skirt. You rubbed the fabric between your fingers.

“You’ll catch cold,” he says with a pout. “At least wear something warm—”

“What are you, my dad?” You snicker. It felt a little nice to crack a joke, despite your emotions being high.

“No, I just,” he stands straighter. “Just looking out for you, cousin.”

“I’ll go to the dorms and change—happy now, sensei?”

And when you did go back to the dorms before outdoor training, you did ask he asked, changing out of your skirt and into something warmer. But you left his jacket behind in your dorm room, and it wasn’t until days later that Yuuta found it folded neatly on his desk—only after several nights of you battling homesickness by sleeping in it until his calming scent had faded.

Despite the three years of training at the Jujutsu technical college, you didn’t amount to anything more than a grade three sorcerer by graduation.

Your curse techniques were quite weak—perhaps a consequence of not being from a prestigious sorcerer family and not having a special curse technique of your own. Even now, at the age of 19, you lagged behind your classmates at the college. While they were going on missions and defeating increasingly difficult curses, you’d come back from low-difficulty missions with your tail between your legs waiting for Shoko—or worse, Yuuta—to heal you of your injuries while stronger sorcerers would go back to the site and defeat the curses you couldn’t. No amount of training with Yuuta, Kusakabe, or any of the other sorcerers improved your abilities, and even with Yuuta there to lick your wounds and reassure you that you’d get better at sorcery one day, that day never came.

It was just after graduation, when you were lingering about the empty dorms with a sense of frustration in your heart, that your cousin Yuuta had come to find you, pity clouding his ever-grieving eyes.

“Why are you here?” You say to him when he stands outside the door to your dorm, wondering when would be the right time to knock.

“Can we talk?” You hear Yuuta’s muffled voice, but even then you can hear the sympathy dripping off of him. You plop onto the bed and say nothing, waiting for him to come to you.

“What’s there to talk about?” You huff out, voice teetering between anger and defeat. Yuuta crosses the distance between the door and your bed, sitting beside you at the edge of it. You don’t have the heart to look at him, instead opting to stare at your hands and idly soothe your fingers on your lap.

There’s a long pause before Yuuta says, “I think you should be a Window.”

The response to his words is all physical—your hands clench into fists, jaw clenching tight with resentment. A lump forms in your throat and tears sting at the corners of your eyes. You’d begged Yuuta to come to this school, to be a part of his world—and the best you could do is being a window? It feels like you’d failed everyone—but especially Yuuta, the one person you’d admired and loved all this time.

“You’d be safer,” he continues, after you say nothing. “Ieri-san says you’ve been taking harder missions and coming back injured. It’s reckless—”

“I don’t care.” You mutter.

Yuuta continues, “What if you take a mission you can’t come back from? What if I’m far away and I can’t get to you?”

“I don’t care!” You tell him, louder this time. When you meet his gaze, he’s shocked by your outburst. “I want to get stronger—I just… I want things to be how they used to be.”

“How they used to be?”

“Back when we were kids and the only ones who knew about curses, when it felt like it was just you and me.” You know you must sound like a spoiled kid, like Yuuta’s too old for this now, to cater to your childish feelings. But you verbalize them anyway. “We were always together, always at each others’ side. Now you’re so… you’re special grade and I’m not even good enough to fight a curse on my own. I thought if I came to this school I could catch up to you, to hold your hand and be by your side again—but this is what it’s come to. You’re so amazing and I… I’m just a window.”

“I hate to hear you talk like that,” Yuuta spits, turning to you. He sounds revolted. “I’ve seen you work hard. I didn’t work any harder than you to be where I am—I just got lucky. I’m an anomaly. That doesn’t make me amazing.”

You reach up to his forehead, to brush over the healed scar that traverses straight across it. The look that passes over his face—you already know the story behind the scar, what happened before you arrived at the college, years ago. But to Yuuta, the scar is still fresh.

“You’ve done things I can’t even imagine doing, Yuuta. Of course, you’re amazing. I just… I feel so stupid. And confused…”

“You’re neither of those things—”

“I am! I’m awful—I’m holding onto this feeling that doesn’t make sense… I—I feel like—like I… like when people look at you, I want them to see us. I want it to be me and Yuuta again, like it’d always been. I want you to have someone to depend on, too. To take missions for you, to let you rest, let you come home. I want to be useful to you—for you to look at me—to see me as equal to you—”

“Hey,” he stops you, taking your chin between his fingers, as your hand cups his own. You’re crying (you always seem to cry, when it’s for him) and your breath hitches when he kisses at the tear on your cheek. “I don’t want you to be a special grade. I want to get rid of every curse I possibly can—and then come back to you, safe and sound. That’s the kind of world I want. And I promise you,” he adds, your gazes interlocked. “I promise you I’m looking at you. I don’t care if you’re not a special grade—I don’t want you to be. I want you to be you.”

Maybe it’s just how emotional you feel at the moment, or how charged the air feels between you two—but whatever it is, something comes over you, something you don’t recognize. Before you can stop it, your hand at his face slides to his neck, and you pull him into a kiss. It’s soft, nothing more than a closed-mouth peck on the lips.

He doesn’t seem as surprised as you are when you pull away.

“I’m—I’m sorry!” You blurt out, body tensing. “I don’t know why I did that, I—”

Yuuta quiets you, though, by reciprocating your kiss. His is with purpose, angling your face to deepen it. At first, you’re mumbling something against his lips—probably something about how you shouldn’t be doing this, how you’re cousins for God’s sake—but as soon as you feel his tongue prod at your lips your mind is distracted. Instead of resisting, your priority becomes memorizing the taste of his tongue sliding against your own.

“Yuu-Yuuta,” you sputter, his spit clinging to your lips. “We, we—I—”

“You and me—right?” He asks, leaning into you. “It’s always been you and me, being a sorcerer won’t change that.”

You find yourself leaning back, ever so slowly descending towards the bedding below you. When you search his gaze, he’s looking at you in ways you’d only imagined in the filthiest of your dreams: entirely full of desire. You didn’t ever think yourself deserving of a gaze like that from him.

You nod, daring to say the words you can’t take back: “I love you, Yuuta.”

He tells you he loves you when he lays you down on your bed. He tells you he loves you when he kisses your lips, your cheek, your neck; when he peels your uniform top off of you, large hands kneading your flesh and memorizing every curve. He tells you he loves you when your thighs open up for him, when he hears that sweet little chirp of your voice when the pads of his fingers make their first contact with your sex; and he tells it to you when you’re both bare and you’re suddenly ashamed, flustered and warm and flushed as your cousin sees you for the first time—sees you as you are, nothing but flesh.

“Are you sure this is okay?” You stutter, looking anywhere but at him as if the walls of your dorm room have eyes; and they’re about to tell Yuuta about all the times you touched yourself to him in this very bed—exposing your depravity for him and him alone.

“I love you,” he says. “So why wouldn’t it be okay? As long as you’ll have me,”

You look up at him, clothes discarded beside you, nothing but his necklace dangling in the air between you. He’s so handsome, you think. Who else could ever measure up? Who else to be your first but the one person who’s ever been your entire world?

“Please?”

He kisses you when he enters you, swallowing your whimpers and easing your pain. It’s slow, and you’re thankful for how mindful he is for it being your first time. It feels weird before it feels good, but when it does feel good you’re so glad it’s him making you feel like that. It’s like you were missing something, until the moment Yuuta made you feel whole. That’s the only way to describe it, when he’s pressed chest-to-chest, when every part of you feels like it’s cradling every part of him.

He fucks you, so slow it borders on torture by the time you get used to it.

“Faster, Yuuta,” you beg, to the sound of his soft chuckles.

“Yeah?” He sounds amused; perhaps it’s at your eagerness, at the way your fingers claw at his shoulders as your ankles brush the small of his back. You don’t regret it though, asking him to go faster—because once he picks up the pace, you’re seeing stars, whimpering out pleas and crying out his name. For a while, all you concentrate on is the sounds Yuuta makes; how lewd his moans are, the words he says to you just icing on the cake. A part of you wants to enshrine them to memory, partially believing that this may just be another one of your dirty dreams.

And Yuuta, well, he too tries to savor this moment, to remember every sound you make and every taste of your mouth, your skin. He’d been waiting so long—torn between doubting your feelings and trying to ignore his own. They’d always been there, at some base level: his blush when you’d hold his hand, his heart racing when you’d see the things he saw, felt the things he felt. Just as you do, he feels complete with you around; like the two of you fit together perfectly.

He feels it too, being wrapped in your embrace. Feels something that he knows is sick and twisted in his heart when you finally cum—the first time you ever do, with another man. You squeeze around him, impossibly tight, as the most delightful moan bubbles out from your kiss-bitten lips. How beautiful.

He fucks you through your orgasm, watching the rise and fall of your chest, the way you squeeze your eyes and part your lips and let sounds flutter unabashed from them, just for him. He doesn’t last much longer after that, fueled by the sights he’d only imagined so many times before. He pulls out just before his peak, and while you look down between your bodies, Yuuta wraps a fist around his length, furiously pumping the shaft until white spurts from the tip, coating your belly. He groans as the droplets land on your skin, like an abstract painting of his own design, the liquid shining in the low light with every rise and fall of your chest.

“Sorry,” he breathes out, once he’s done coming on your abdomen. “I’ll clean up”

“It’s okay,” you tell him, wrapping your arms around his neck. “Don’t leave me just yet.”

He kisses your cheek, a smile on his lips. “Not even to clean up?”

“Leave it,” you reply. “It’s fine—it’s just us, isn’t it?”

“It’s just us. Always will be.” As if brought back to your earlier conversation, he adds, “Even if you can’t be as powerful a sorcerer as me—I want you exactly as you are.”

Knowing Yuuta’s affection for you, now, you feel soothed. No matter what happens, he will always be beside you, and you will always be in his heart. It’s all you could’ve ever wanted, and more.

#˚ʚ☾ɞ˚ fic recs #RAHHHHHHJJJHHH)#WEREWOLF RIPPING SHIRT OFF PIC #Aleks this made my heart flutter it’s literally beating so fast rn #yuuta was so cute in this… dreamy…#literally so tender…#I also enjoyed reader a lot i think you made them very relatable haha im so invested #like yeah seeing yuuta grow up would probably drive me crazy #my goddddd this was so good im so happy you had a chance to write T_T #cw. incest

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