#i am a dumbass who likes spreadsheets

[princessbelix]

I have decided to make (and keep up with maybe) a fanfic spreadsheet for the year. Ive kept up with it decently well but i am getting secondhand embarrassment form my past self. its almost cringe but not. what is this???

[thinkinonsense]

i just listened to sabrina's new album and oh my god the song slim pickins is such a song that was written from daydreaming about lumberjack!logan, oh and the recent fic that you reblogged was just so yummy and perfect for that song especially the lyrics "a boy who's jacked and nice" like god having to settle down for less because nobody can be him 😭😭😭 need him expeditiously im afraid

it's slim pickins

lumberjack!logan howlett x fem!reader

cw: yearning!! fluff, tiny nsfw conversation (nothing graphic)

a/n: this request couldn't have come in at a better time because i'm seeing sabrina on opening night of her tour tomorrow night!! <3

masterlist

"am i just destined to be alone forever?"

another friday night in the hole in the wall bar outside of town. another date gone horribly wrong. your question hangs heavy in the air as you gossip to your best friend who's bartending tonight.

"you keep picking douche bags." she answers without missing a beat.

"well, that's fuckin' rude." you slur slightly, sipping on your third fruity drink tonight.

"well, it's fuckin' true." she smiles, looking over your shoulder at a group of men that walked in. "why don't you go talk to one of them? they look hot."

you spin around in your stool to see a group of lumberjack workers. these were the men that you worked with, you can't flirt with them.

"i work with those guys!" you hiss.

"sooo...?" she smirks.

both of you quickly end the conversation with the five guys approach the bar. the last thing you needed was for these guys to see the desperate and pathetic look on your face. quickly, you rummage through your purse for some cash to put down.

"what are you doing here, doll face?" a familiar voice asks.

you look up and see the most handsome of the men, in front of you; logan. twice your size, buff, toned, tan... god, you had such a crush on him. never in a million years would you go after him though, he's too good to want a girl like you. you were just a friend. he make small talk with you, laughed at your jokes, calls you little nicknames, and refills the coffee pot for you but thats what friends do, right?

"oh... um, i'm just-"

"she's been sitting here moaning and bitching to me all night about her horrible date." your best friend smiles then introduces herself to logan with a handshake.

"thanks asshole." you mumble under your breath at her, making logan chuckle.

"tough night?" he asks, looking down at you in a way that makes heat rises up your face.

"kinda, but i'll save you all the gory details." you admit, sliding off the tall stool a little ungracefully. "have a good night, logan."

"wait, doll face." he says, grabbing your arm to balance you. "wanna talk about it? i'm sure your friend here is busy."

the alcohol let him take you to one of the booths. all the other men noticed logan and you sitting together, definitely making mental notes to tease you both on monday.

"so, what's on your mind?" logan asks, taking a swig of his beer.

"it's nothing really..." your mouth says one thing but your phone says another; practically buzzing off the table.

"you sure?" he raises a brow.

"uh... yeah?" you sound confused as you peak at the notification. an annoyed groan falls from your lips as you slam the phone back down and sink into the booth. "why? why? why?"

"why what?" he squints.

"be honest, do i have dumbass written on my forehead?" you sigh, hazily looking over at logan. the question threw him off guard; unsure if you're joking or not.

"no." he answers.

" well, i sure feel like one. every guy i've gone out with is either the most obnoxious asshole i've ever met who's still hung up on his ex or he's absolutely perfect but he's just not ready for a commitment right now? what the fuck does that even mean?"

all of your drunk rambling surprised logan. at work, he's only seen your shy personality as you scribble down numbers and log them into spreadsheets. this was a completely different side of you.

"i know what you're thinking, 'why not just try dating a woman?'. well, i fucking would if this town wasn't stuck in the 50's, except the men aren't going to war in order to get away from you, instead they just run back in between their ex's thighs and pull that 'it's not you, it's me' bullshit."

it was getting harder for logan not to crack at your silly yet, adorable expressions as you rant.

"and the worst part is that they can't even get a woman to orgasm." you say a little quieter. logan stores that quote in his pocket for another time. "a few weeks ago, i literally had a man in my bed who didn't know the difference between their, there, and they're! i don't know who's stupider, him for not knowing or me for letting him give me the worst head in my life."

if you were even a little sober, this would be mortifying. sitting in front of your work crush and spilling pathetic details of your love life to him. if you were even a little sober, you would have notice his eyes turn dark and lustful under the dim bar lighting. logan couldn’t fathom that you were having trouble in your love life.

"sounds like it's slim pickins out there."

"you have no idea." you sigh.

"if it makes you feel any better, i don't think that you're stupid."

"you're just saying that to be polite. trust me, everyone thinks i'm an idiot for taking these guys back every time. im just like my mom, my sisters, my friends, and every other girl i know. we make up excuses for their shitty behavior because we are afraid to be alone."

logan could see tears forming in your waterline, about to roll down your cheek. it hurt him to see you so heartbroken over these losers. everyday at work, you came in like a ray of fucking sunshine. you didn't deserve to be treated like this.

"it's not your fault that those asshole don't know how to treat a woman." he sighs, leaning forward in an attempt to comfort you.

"i know, i know..." your voice was cracking and you didn't want logan to see you so vulnerable. suddenly, you rise from the booth. "thanks for listening, logan."

"where do you think you're going, doll face?" he asks, following you out the door.

"should head home." you mumble, pulling up the number of a car service about twenty minutes out.

"let me give you a ride home." he offers. "you've been drinking too much."

it's late, you're exhausted and heartbroken so, you let him help you into his truck. it's kinda old but full of character, like logan.

"what's going on in that pretty head of yours?" logan asks, breaking the silence in the car. "still sad?"

you shrug. "think i'm just going to become a nun."

he tried, he really did, but he had to laugh.

"sweetheart, there's no need to become a nun."

"well, i'm never going to find the man i'm looking for so, might as well join the sisterhood."

"what are you looking for in this dream man?"

logan's question has your eyes wondering over to where his left hand sets on the wheel and his right on thigh. the images of what his hands could do flood your fuzzy mind.

"j-just a good guy who's um, who's kind, jacked... respectful, good with his hands...."

it was shameless, your staring that is. logan worried you might get drool on the car seat, not that he would mind.

"hm... those seem like simple requirements there."

"apparently not." you giggle. "it's fine, though. i'm sure the nuns will be friendly."

"still thinking about joining the 'sisterhood'?" he asks, pulling up to your drive way.

"maybe... i'll give it twenty-four hours and if he doesn't come knocking on my door, i'll just buy a chasity belt and go off the grid with the nuns." your smile warmed his cold bitter heart. "thanks for the ride, lo. i'll see you monday."

as logan watches you fumble with your keys and make your way inside, he fights an internal battle over his feelings. he has had a crush on you since the day the two of you first met. by the end of the week, you had baked him some cupcakes, babbling about how you do this for all the new employees, which was far from the truth he later learned.

you captured his heart. even when he tried to burry his feelings for you, when logan looked at you, his world stood still for a moment. he looked forward to all your silly jokes in the break room or the ridiculous gossip you would tell him when he lingered outside of your office door. he couldn't let you slip away into the arms of another asshole who didn't deserve you.

before logan could comprehend what he was doing, his feet lead him up to your door, knocking twice. the wooden door opened and he knew he made the right decision.

there you were in your light blue and grey plaid pajamas with a cupcake in your hand and vanilla frosting on your bottom lip. logan had never seen you look prettier.

"hey? did i leave something in the–"

in the blink of an eye, logan’s hands reach up to caress your jaw, leaning in until his mouth engulfs yours. the taste of vanilla and alcohol surrounded both of you. forgetting the cupcake in your hand, dropping it to reach up and pull logan closer. kissing him was like drinking a glass of wine after a long day. no more stress or anxiety over anyone else’s bullshit. the two of you gasp against each others lips, catching your breath.

“i could be the good guy, you know?” logan pants, now forever addicted to your taste. “i could be the good guy for you.”

your heart fluttered as you stared up at his pretty hazel eyes, twirling a piece of his hair around your finger. this had to be a very realistic dream, thats the only answer to this.

“you would do that for me, logan?” your delicate voice could bring him to his knees, worshiping the ground you walk on.

“i would do anything for you, honey.” he whispers, leaning back in to kiss you again. maybe your dream guy wasn't as far away as you thought?

[redleavesinthewind]

elliot's 2023 fic wrap up

2022 version

alright friends it is once again time for me to review the (many) fics i read in the previous year and try to write a more or less concise rec list of my absolute faves (i wish i didn't have to chose but heh i'm not gonna subject anyone to 332 fics in 1 post - also wait only 332 fics? that's like. over 100 less than last year, what the fuck. anyway)

okay now first the part that interests no one but me (yes you may skip this) and that's the numbers part! i'm not making a whole elaborate spreadsheet to then not throw around cool numbers. anyway.

i've read around 4,932k words in 332 fics across 18 fandoms. that is much less than last year, and yeah, i've been generally less productive in 2023 but we don't have to talk about it. at least i have more variety of fandoms this time (let's ignore that it's only 2 more and also that from fandom 13 on there's only 1 fic per fandom)

i started out the year strong with 847k words across 72 fic in february (followed by 753k across 42 fics in january, and 621k words across 63 fics in march). it goes downhill for the rest of the year. eh it wasn't my year so what! 2024 is gonna be more filled with fic reading again!!!

my top 3 fandoms are so entirely unsurprising to me i am almost disappointed in myself. when did i become so predictable. top fandom is young royals with 166 fics! congratulations young royals, you are a very persistent hyperfixation, you didn't peter out after 2 months like i expected. Spot number 2 is taken by avatar the last airbender with 41 fics! giant leap there, but it's also funny because i fell into an atla rabbit hole late 2023 (as i do every few years) and it still got up to 41 fics despite uni not allowing me to read last semester (uni is evil). Same as last year, spn takes third place with 38 fics. speaking of persistent hyperfixations.......... *big sigh*

and that is it the boring part is over let's go to the fun section LET'S REC SOME FIIIIIICCCCSSSSSSS (under the cut)

JANUARY

bet you you'll ... (noraverse) (series) by @gh0sthugs | young royals, wilmon | teen&up | 52k words

a kid fic!! and such a sweet one too! i'm kinda weak for kid fics ngl, and nora is so sweet and wonderful, and the relationship that slowly forms between wille and simon is beautiful and comfortable. this whole series is just such a good time

spreadsheet notes: ah to fall in love with the dilf next door who also happens to be the ex crown prince of the country

A Royal Intervention by AnxiousAnaconda | young royals, wilmon | teen&up | 18k words

erik is being such a dumbass in this one. like, he means well, but he's kinda messing up and pissing people off (understandably). it's nice to get a view on erik that's not portraying him as this perfect guy though, and the fic is actually so much fun to read. and hey, the prime minister of luxembourg gets mentioned, which i was kinda waiting for in yr fic ngl

spreadsheet notes: big sigh... erik you fucking idiot. stop listening to august. also shoutout to xavier bettel apparently (edit: this aged poorly, fuck xavier bettel)

and each slow dusk by @if-fortunate | young royals, wilmon | mature | 49k words

okay. ooookay how do i even begin with this one. ohhh boy. okay. so. world war three. wille gets stuck in bjärstad with simon, many many things happen, it's about finding hope in a horrible situation and trying to live life despite everything falling apart around you. it's incredibly well written and something about it just has me in awe

spreadsheet notes: i don't know what it says about me that this is without a shadow of a doubt the best fic i have ever read in my life

Put Me Back Together and Take My Heart by @notalotgoingonatthisinstant | young royals, wilmon | mature | 50k words

i once again don't know what to say, this one is sooo good. simon is suffering and both wille and i hate it, but... but wille is there for him and ugh, they just... they just can't be apart. a story of reconciliation and healing from both physical and invisible wounds, and of making the right decisions for yourself

spreadsheet notes: ugh. UGH. my guys. MY GUYS. yeah let's go blackmail the queen

Department Six by @thisdiscontentedwinter | teen wolf | gen | 4k words

a fun short one about stiles and danny working for the fbi and being delightfully weird and mysterious

spreadsheet notes: HILARIOUS i'm in love with outsider pov always

FEBRUARY

There Are No Wolves in California by @thisdiscontentedwinter | teen wolf, sterek | gen | 5k words

you know, sometimes you see a fic you know is going to hurt you, and you've never clicked on anything faster. this is definitely one of those fics

spreadsheet notes: let's be wolves today yeah well derek what if i just break down and cry instead

you got my body, i got your body by @prince-simon | young royals, wilmon | explicit | 9k words

this one's technically part of a bigger series (which, definitely read that one too), but i'm highlighting this one cause... damn... this made me feel things... like, gender things... which is really weird cause wille's gender in this is very much different from mine BUT STILL

spreadsheet notes: how almost 9k of pwp gave me so many gender feelings i will never understand

Changing Channels: Queer Premiere by @emeraldcas, @fellshish | spn, deancas | gen | 27k words

this might actually be one of the funniest fics i've ever read. dean and cas are so stupid (affectionately) and all the crossovers are delightful (bonus that i knew all the other shows). everyone go read this it's gonna be the best time

spreadsheet notes: mel and fells have genuinely outdone themselves this is the most hilarious shit i've ever read

Catalyst by @stretchoutfics | young royals | teen&up | 3k words

a backstory for boris! this fic is within a series of other side character ficlets, but this one has a soft spot in my heart

spreadsheet notes: AAAAHHHH HE KNEW ABOUT THE RECKLESS DRIVING BUT DIDN'T BRING IT UP but also... him being a gay man trying to help the queer crown prince navigate his sexuality that's kinda nice actually, like boris understands at least a bit

The most beautiful boy by lovelysarcastic | young royals, wilmon | teen&up | 88k words

there's something incredibly grounding about this fic. the way it develops, the way wille rationalises his thought processes, the way the relationship between wille and simon develops... this fic just kinda sucked me in and spit me out again feeling... content and calm and... it's just... this fic is so beautiful

spreadsheet notes: dude i love this so much??? they're both so stupid??? i love them???

MARCH

All's Fair in Love and Hunting by @badjoices | spn, deancas | mature | 20k words

they're playing gay chicken but also are being incredibly competitive and stupid about it, and i'm just sorry about the shit sam has to witness. so many shenanigans in this fic

spreadsheet notes: they are both so stupid omg

["mi cotufita" started sharing their screen] by @omar-rudeberg | young royals, wilmon | explicit | 60k

so... this is a follow up to one of my favourite fics and it is a delight. very horny but also very sweet? and also for some reason there's porn. fun times! oh, and this fic made me cry. it really has the range

spreadsheet notes: how are they so horny it's so funnyyyyyy, but also if i were wille i could never look linda in the eyes again

A Light To Guide You In The Dark (Warmed By The Fire's Glow) by 80shairmetal | stranger things, harringrove | teen&up | 19k words

this is just... people taking care of each other out of the kindness of their hearts. finding comfort in strangers who become family. growing and helping each other. there's such a beauty to this one

spreadsheet notes: this is just..... comfort

did you see the love in my eyes, oh were you gazing through this disguise? by @tooindecisivetopickaurl | young royals, wilmon | mature | 67k words

fake dating my beloved. they're so in love with each other but they're pretending not to be while pretending... to be? i'm obsessed with them. but they're so respectful with each other and cautious of boundaries and they really are best friends who also happen to be obliviously in love

spreadsheet notes: love a good fake dating au they're so stupid i love them

flash like a setting sun by @playedwright | 911, buddie | explicit | 22k words

because you only realise you're in love with your best friend when you're scared you're losing him. that's the fic. and it's beautiful

spreadsheet notes: oh this is sooooo beautifully written and ugh just <333

Other people's secrets by @sflow-er | young royals, walty & wilmon | mature | 239k words

yooooo hello? so first off this is an outsider pov on wilmon which i am always obsessed with anyways but the focus isn't just on them, this is henry's story. it's a beautiful story about how friendships form and warp and change, how feelings manifest in different ways, how decisions and actions have consequences. it's an incredibly mature take on post-s1, and it's probably my favourite of the year. also ace representation!!!!

spreadsheet notes: ace henry my beloved <33 also love seeing wilmon from an outside perspective! such a good, well thought out fic with lots of healthy comminication <33

APRIL

if i stare too long by @brawlite & @toast-ranger-to-a-stranger | stranger things, harringroveson | explicit | 191k words

i haven't seen st s4 (and probably won't watch it) but that definitely won't stop me from reading harringroveson fic. i mean, who wouldn't look at those three and immediately want to see them together. the way their dynamic is written in this fic is peak, i don't even know what more to say. i also very much trust these authors with billy, and again i wasn't disappointed. there's just something in his head that's intriguing.

spreadsheet notes: this whole fic is such a vibe it makes me feel of hot summer chillin

MAY

Rewrite the Stars (series) by @in-amor-veritas | young royals, wilmon | mature | 137k words

definitely one of the highlights of the year, simon's whole life in new york... those scenes, they just show such a wonderful life simon has built for himself, and his relationship with wille doesn't change it, but he manages to fit in (after, you know, fun rom-com drama shenanigans). also. this is a kid fic. kid fics are my weak spot. rasmus is my new favourite little guy. also shoutout to luis best side character ever

spreadsheet notes: YELLING i love this fic sooo much it is everything

Where The Wind Will Carry Me by @1-life-to-give | young royals, wilmon | teen&up | 49k words

AND THEY WERE ACTORS PLAYING LOVE INTERESTS. do i have to say more? the tension guys the TENSION. also erik's side-plot i'm in love

spreadsheet notes: hopping up and down like a hyperactive chihuahua EN I LOVE THIS

Your love is my turning page (the t4t wilmon as girldads au) (series) by @willesworld | young royals, wilmon | teen&up | 17k words

i know i know another kid fic BUT!!!! t4t wilmon. makes it automatically superior. i'm not even kidding, add trans characters and i will like your fic (that i probably already like a lot) aroun 300000000 times more. but also this series comes for your feelings. it hits

spreadsheet notes: i am weak for t4t wilmon AND them having a biological child there's something so beautiful about it like that could be meeee ; siiimon i need to hug him and i need to hug wille they're gonna get out of this i prommy ; recovery and one step forwards a hundred steps back, but they made it there in the end ; they were so happy :((((

JUNE

A trace of dew by nuncflore | elden ring, this is too complicated | gen | 13k words

very elden ring-esque writing style, wonderful representation of whatever the hell is going on in the lore. hehehehehhe fucked up family ehhehehehe DIVORCE. my friends are so talented :))

spreadsheet notes: CAP I AM EATING YOU

Hanging from the Ceiling by @spicymiilk | spiderverse | teen&up | 6k words

for like. a week after i saw the new spiderverse movie i made miles 42 my entire life. that also meant reading this fic. and damn did this fic hit. i am still thinking about it

spreadsheet notes: i need more miles 42 content he is my favourite guy ever

The Darkest Little Paradise by @yourdemiurge | young royals, wilmon | explicit | 79k words

*holding you at gunpoint* read this fic. read it now, in this moment. you are not gonna regret it. believe me when i say you NEED this fic, you really do. doesn't even matter if you've seen yr or not. you're gonna thank me later

spreadsheet notes: THIS IS INSANE I CAN'T BREATHE MADY WHAT THE FUUUUUCK

JULY

Protected (series) by bastuba | young royals, wilmon | explicit | 69k words

hey do you ever read a fic and you just feel. so incredibly grounded because something about the characters feels grounded? like, they aren't grounded, but they still give off that vibe? idk how to explain this properly but that's this fic. also wille and simon cook together (i haven't read all parts of the series yet btw)

spreadsheet notes: incredibly grounded very mature how is wille like this ; i'd be like wille, always complaining about the heat ; they're soooooo. idiots. getting tattoos for each other ; i too would come out on a podcast about food ; SAFE SEX

AUGUST

The Season of Rebirth by @notalotgoingonatthisinstant | young royals, wilmon | mature | 30k words

part of a series, but i'm picking out this one specifically because it's soooo sweet!!! the title fits the fic so well, like yes it is the season of rebirth, but simon and wille's relationship is also rehashed in a very cool way, this fic is like one giant easter egg, i love it so much!

spreadsheet notes: wille taking the season of rebirth to recreate their early relationship, i am obsessed with him he's such a dumbass romantic

The Upgrade by @groenendaelfic | young royals, wilmon | explicit | 13k words

it's about the moment simon realises who wille is. that's why this fic is here. i mean of course also because it is very good, but mainly because of that moment

spreadsheet notes: the moment simon realised who wille is i am wheezing

Right Where You Left Me by @armandgender | spn, deancas | explicit | 94k words

if you're wondering why this fic is on my 2023 list instead of the 2022 list.... well that's because it took me almost a year to read the last chapter, and in terms of how my spreadsheet works, that makes it a fic i read in 2023. anyway. if you haven't read this fic yet, what are you even still doing here. click on that link right now. you want complex emotional situations? intricacies of ill-advised marriages? you wanna pick through abusive behaviour and encourage infidelity? well you're at the right place! also this has one of my favourite jack characterisations ever. it also made me go on multiple rants

spreadsheet notes: I FINALLY FINISHED IT AAAAHHHH I LOVE THIS FIC THE CABIN THE CATS JACK!!!!!

Alejito y Marimar (series) by th0ughts | red, white, and royal blue | teen&up | 18k words

OBSESSED WITH THIS DYNAMIC YOOOOOO. seriously the friendship between alex and martha is an expansion of the rwrb universe that is much needed, trust me

spreadsheet notes: the friendship i didn't know i needed in my life <333 ; they're just chillin!!!

SEPTEMBER

Change of Address (series) by hearmerory | avatar: the last airbender, zukka | mature | 134k words

okay. oooookay. strap in for this one, it is a lot. emotionally. like yes zuko is autistic, yes yes yeeees, i agree, also azula is treated like an actual person with actual mental issues, she deserves to be treated with care and this author definitely does that! this is the kind of series that makes me want to disappear in it, but it's also the kind of story i need breaks from, because it is so heavy (definitely check the tags for this one). zuko's relationship with sokka is written so thoughtfully and iroh is characterised incredibly and the author even included ursa in a way that didn't undermine everything that happened in the series before she appeared again. i can only recommend this one!

spreadsheet notes (there's lots of parts to the series, so this one is long): hhhh if i were ms jamieson i would have snapped after two days probably ; be nice katara!!!!! he's nervous ; i need to murder ozai ; and i need to murder zhao as well ; iroooohhhhh he should have just. taken the kids with him that first time he noticed something off ; yeah i think there was a reason why iroh never took zuko to the movies ; ozai needs to suffer ; i need to destroy ozai. violently and painfully ; iroh is the best uncle ever, zuko deserves all his kindness ; azula...... you don't have to fight for affection, it's not a competition..... they love you ; iroh should have taken her with him the first time around, she was like. 10, he could have just picked her up or sth ; ..... hakoda you idiot ; IROH BACKSTORY IROH BACKSTORY ; sokka and the plan that changed his life <3333 ; they are so soft with each other ; they all deserve all the therapy and support and yes sokka obviously you have adhd get with the program ; URSA??????? also i am living for sokka and azula's dynamic they are everything ; i don't. i don't understand her. i don't fucking understand her how could she not want her own children. how can she talk about them like that. like she knows them she doesn't know them she LEFT

Every night my teeth are falling out by @sulkybender | avatar: the last airbender, zukka | mature | 9k words

i was in need of some good zuko angst and oooohhh boy was i lucky to find this author. PEAK zuko angst. this fic in particular is very dear to me because it explores how mental illnesses would be handled in a world where there's practically no resources to help. i think we need that more

spreadsheet notes: yes well. how DO you deal with a schizophrenic fire lord in a fantasy world? (you stay with him and support him that is how)

OCTOBER

for years or for hours by @ghostinthelibrarywrites | the witcher, geralt/eskel/jaskier | explicit | 52k words

listennn i love myself some good polyamory fics, and this is the first fic i read for this ship and now i am OBSESSED with them. but this fic in particular.... the concept alone, like. what do you do when you thought the man you love was dead for 800 years, and then when he comes back you have another man you love. the answer is simple. polyamory. the two men you love also love each other. perfect coincidence.

spreadsheet notes: YO the concepts of witchers in modern times alone is sooo cool but adding in everything else? hello yes?

this is a love story by @achillestiel | supernatural, deancas | mature | 3k words

listen, i've never seen fleabag, but that's not the point. this is intriguing and funny, that's the point

spreadsheet notes: fucked up families and you want to fuck the priest hell yeah

The road not taken looks real good now by @stretchoutfics | young royals, wilmon | explicit | 90k words

it's not even the wilmon part i love about this fic (i very much enjoy it of course don't get me wrong) but wille and his kids. like, i don't want to spoil anything but like. wille's interactions with his kids are so important in this fic, and they're written so well. like, emilia is my favourite character in this, i kinda wish there was more with the kids honestly. this fic is definitely a highlight of the year, and to get back to wilmon, i do love how they're portrayed in this fic, how their dynamic plays out, and specifically how certain decisions do not depend on simon

spreadsheet notes: no but. the care put into this story. i can't--

NOVEMBER

Averno (series) by @sulkybender | avatar: the last airbender, zukka | mature | 12k words

a fascinating take on a fire lord zuko that was never part of the gaang

spreadsheet notes: HE JUST DESERVES KINDNESS but also he's a little fucked up WELL NO WONDER GIVE HIM KINDNESS ; i mean.... what makes a monster really ; well then let's get him out of his cell shall we (also hiiiii suki hello <3333)

Half Awake in Our Fake Empire by @hmslusitania | 9-1-1, buddie | teen&up | 34k words

another kid fic!!! but in a different fandom this time!!! seriously, giving buck a child fills so many of my life's needs it's ridiculous

spreadsheet notes: THEY'RE A FAMILY (thank you for giving that man a child)

a soldier (who carries a mighty sword) by @ghostinthelibrarywrites | the witcher, geralt/eskel/jaskier | explicit | 92k words

everything about this fic is wonderful!! the world(kaer morhen!!)building, the developing dynamic between geralt, jask, and eskel, ciri and yenn, the conflict, jask as a teacher!!!! aaahhhhh!

spreadsheet notes: they're my new favourite guyssss this whole fic is so cool, what they've done with kaer morhen <3333

Will We Last the Night by CSHfic & VSfic | avatar: the last airbender, zukka | teen&up | 143k words

this fic asks what if sokka had been stuck with zuko since the end of s1 and delivers a delightful answer. this is the adventures of zuko and sokka (and sometimes iroh) travelling through the earth kingdom. shenanigans ensue

spreadsheet notes: i am obsessed with this i'm just. i know it was only shortly but their life in ba sing se. obsessed

DECEMBER

Grudge Match by @catcas22 | elden ring | gen | 17k words

i'm not entirely sure how to explain this. it sure is an elden ring fic

spreadsheet notes: i don't even know what to say. this is ridiculous and brilliant and stupid and genius all at the same time. hell yeah suburban demigods

Lonely Digging by @toast-ranger-to-a-stranger | stranger things, harringrove | teen&up | 3k words

this is hilarious. go read it to unlock intense life-threatening flirting

spreadsheet notes: best way to flirt billy's doing everything right

***

(quick note: i’ve tried to find everyone’s tumblr handle, but i’m aware that not all the authors have tumblr/have it on their ao3, however if i somehow missed someone, i can go back and rectify that!)

if you’ve made it all the way down here i am giving you a kiss <3

[performativezippers]

Could you share your thoughts about beats in writing, please?

OKAY HERE WE GOOOOO this is going to be long but honestly it could have been so much longer so oops!

tl;dr: Beats are when things in the story happen.

So in a mystery novel, for example, when does the crime occur? when do they think they've solved it, but they're wrong? when do they realize they were wrong? when is their life in danger? when do they know who did it? when does the reader know who did it? when is the b-plot introduced and when it is resolved?

These typically happen in a similar place in each mystery novel, because of course it wouldn't make sense if it went: (1) you think you know who did it, and then (2) the crime is committed. Right? or if the very first person they suspected did it and they catch them immediately! that's never what happens because then what's the other 200 pages of the book?

so there is relative order, and you know it even as a passive reader, so then the question is how spaced out are those things throughout the fic or manuscript?

in a romance, it's the same. typically we see:

meet cute/first meeting/first canon meeting (the pilot) e.g. alex meets maggie at the airport and they fight over jurisdiction, or jane and maura work a case together as usual but it's the first one where jane is scared, aka a new start to their existing relationship

why aren't they together off the bat? (aka why is this a romance novel and not a romance sentence?) e.g. alex thinks she's straight and they're good friends, or maura dates elon musk types and jane is, you know, not that

complication e.g. alex comes out and then asks maggie to be her gf but maggie says no because alex is fresh off the boat, or maura starts dating jane's dumbass brother

false high (if there is a third act breakup, this is the happy time before that) e.g. alex and maggie get together and are very happy kissing the girls they want to kiss, or maura dumps tommy because her life with jane is more important to her

low point (this is often the 3rd act breakup, but doesn't have to be) e.g. alex freaks out when family conflicts with romance and dumps maggie, or jane kills maura's dad

KISS KISS KISS (aka the happily ever after) e.g. alex apologizes and sanvers stays together forever because the show was cancelled, or jane performs surgery on maura in the woods and then they kiss forever because the show was cancelled

SO, all of those things have to happen, and beats are when. you can of course put your plot points whenever you want them. it's your life and your art and your hobby!! have fun! but if you want to learn "craft" or whatever, or get traditionally published, you need to know when the conventional beats for your genre are, so that you can show you know what you're doing.

You've noticed beats even if you haven't thought about them. Sometimes a fanfic feels like it's going on too long or ending too abruptly, which is because they didn't place their beats carefully. Maybe it's taking forever to get past the set-up, and then the ending feels rushed. Maybe they got to the end of the plot but kept writing little one-shots or vignettes that don't have any tension in them. Almost all pacing problems can be solved by beats!

There are two main beat sheets I use for writing romcoms, Save the Cat and Romancing the Beat. There are book and workshops for both. My spreadsheet I use for every book uses Save the Cat beats, which was originally developed for screenplays. Here's a screenshot of that from the spreadsheet i use religiously:

I try to focus on

inciting incident at 0 or 10% (catalyst)

fun and games 25-50%

mid point high right around 50%

Things get bad from 50-75 until dark night of the soul from 75-80%

Redemption 80-90%, climax around 90%, final snippet less than 1,000 after end of climax

I do the math on my word count and ideal final word count to reverse outline where i am. in my book that's going to be published, i was really struggling with how to fill the 50-75% chunk; it was perfectly paced up until the shattering of the false high at 50%, and I knew what would happen after the dark night of the soul at 75%, but my project was to figure out how i could keep the plot driving forward and interesting while the MC's mood and situation tanked for a full 25% of the book. It turns out in the most recent draft, that stuff is 52-86%, and is stuff i really love. i was able to work in other plot points earlier that had time to breathe and got the space they needed in that portion, as well as find the balance between 20k of boring moping and maintaining tension while the romance was tanked.

it's very very hard to use beats in a fic you're posting as you're writing it (which is most of the fics i post), but even having it in the back of my mind helps. For the Ultimatum fic i'm writing and posting now, i knew before i started posting what the midpoint false high would be, plus the dark night of the soul, plus the endgame. it's important to make sure any b-plots, or in the case other couples, get their shit resolved around the same times as Kacy does, so that we don't need too much wrap up/exposition after the kacy climax.

what other questions or thoughts do you have about beats and plot pacing? send them to me!

[wannab-urs]

The Spreadsheet Digest Vol. 3 - Fic Recs

Here's everything I added to the Pedro Fics Spreadsheet in the last week with my unedited ramblings attached (the notes I make immediately after reading, often unhinged). I noticed I've started writing my notes with the intention of people reading them, instead of just complete rambling. That means people are reading this! So thank you. I love you and I love all of the authors I share here <3

Fixed on Your Hand of Gold - a Joel one shot by @javiscigarette

-> Sweet but rough dom Joel back at it again. I love the way he checks on in reader so often, but how he also manhandles you into sub space every time? Like can I please have him irl please

Step-dad Joel - a Joel series (kind of) by @toxicanonymity

-> Reader is in her twenties and does not live at home. Joel married her mom when she was a teen. Now in her 20s, she catches Joel jerking off to her instagram one day and starts toying with him. He tries to resist.

Silence Can Never Be Bought - a Joel series by @toxicanonymity

-> Listen we all know I'm here for the porn more than the plot... it's been well demonstrated... but anyway I actually am a sucker for a good plot. And this here bad boy *slaps roof of this fic* can hold so many twists and turns. The smut in this drove me crazy, also, if that wasn't obvious.

- Cognitive Dissonance - a Jack series by @prolix-yuy

-> I have no clue what westworld even is, but i didn't really need to. Prolix takes you there and really immerses you in the world fucking effortlessly. Jack is so fucking hot and sweet in this fic and the reader character is lovely too. The smut was absolutely mind blowing... i just... read it and weep babes. (Oh and there's a new series in the universe coming!!)

A Taste For Men Who Are Older - a Joel one shot by @beskarandblasters

-> We fuckin love horny neighbor joels in this house. This fic is so fucking hot and I really love the whole ditching your date to bang Joel trope... is that a trope? I read it really often so... I'm calling it a trope.

Gin's 2K baby fics - mostly joel + one Jack mini fics by @atinylittlepain

-> These are all excellent. Special shout out to Big Fan (Tommy's Version), a non-slash silly ficlet inspired by my dumbass ask. Happy 2K!

Breathe Through It - a Joel one shot by @ezrasversion

-> This is so soft... I am so soft... I'm gonna cry. No smut just some hurt/comfort babies I am crying

Trust Me - a Din one shot by @atinylittlepain

-> Trust ME! This fic is hot. We love Din Djarin, Consent King, asking every step of the way. He's so sweet when he's reassuring her... ugh. And that calm confidence Din has is so sexy and that's really present in this fic. fhdsjfhdsjkfsdj Gin this is hot.

Night Walks- a Joel series by @toxicanonymity

-> I lied I'm putting nightwalks on the rec list. READ THE WARNINGS. this is my favorite of the nightwalks series. She's finally letting herself be into it (but she's like really high so....) but anyway this is HOT jesus christ ily Toxic ily ily

Birds of a Feather - a Joel one shot by @atinylittlepain

-> Obsessed with reader in this fic actually, she's so lovely. And I love love love their dynamic in this UGH.

Office Hours - a Mr. Ben one shot by @cutesyscreenname

-> I love a Mr. Ben fic. And I love a pegging fic. And I love professor!pedge characters. I just love this.

I had a work trip this week, so I only have 2 or 3 days of reading on here. This meant that I prioritized fics I already knew I wanted to read and didn't do any digging for writers not normally on my radar or Pedge characters not living rent free in my brain at the moment. I also know I missed some of my dear friends, but you'll be on next weeks because you're in my tbr right now at the very top. I love you all!

[saphig-iawn]

Fuck PC Gaming <3

i am so livid i am rage i am anger, i fucking hate pc gaming so much but i cant stop. so, story time. i play star citizen, and it is a very fun game when it works. there is so much to do and there so many cool things when it works. that status of working can change on a major update by major update basis, and it had been a long time since i had problems, until recently. the game is partially computed server side, and the servers will send your client the computed and rendered data so it can stream in the gameworld much better. but it fucking aint happening for me. huge lockups, sub 1fps for extended periods of time, over 2,000ms ping. I could not figure out what was causing it. some days it'd be fine, others it wouldn't. consistently, my game would lock up in crowded areas or at major orbital stations which I encounter every fuckin day for my chosen gameplay path.

so i begin investigating. star citizen has dedicated public facing bug reporting and tracking. NO ONE IS HAVING MY ISSUE. no one. no one single person. so i take to reddit (ew) and some people are reporting problems and saying "oh its the servers". BUT my friends are fine and not having these issues, and I was JUST running the game no problem like two weeks ago, so wtf? I dig into my graphics card's settings, turns out they weren't even set to run at max settings ON A GAMING PC. WHY, ON A GAMING PC, IS EVERYTHING SET TO SAVE POWER AND TURN OFF?!!?!?!? so i enable a bunch of settings that make the grpahics ccrd go oh fuck we playing games now lets fucking go. boot up star citizen. NOTHING HAS CHANGED. but the parts of gameplay that don't stutter run real smooth. progress but not progress I want.

I do a fresh install of the game and gutted its shader caches. see how things fare from a fresh start. and it.. works..? one of the big cities that i spawn in, rendered no problem, some pop in but consistent FPS, I fly up the orbital station, no hitching or lockups, i jump drive out to a further station, some hitching but no lockup or crashes.

AND THEN IT FUCKING RETURNS TO DOGSHIT THE FOLLOWING DAY.

i am at my fucking limits now girlies, i want to bottle flip a fucking armchair into a crowd of people. now a friend has stepped in to help troubleshoot. i am googling such specific terms to try and find whats wrong and all i'm finding are dumb copy-paste clickbait articles providing 'help' or reddit threads where the fucker who had the solution FUCKING DELETED IT. then in a dumbass fucking video thats like "hur dur how to get teh best frames in star game hur dur" they talk about the typical things you turn off to get better frames, xbox game bar, v-sync, windows game mode. and they mention hardware accelerated graphics scheduling. that needs to be on. surely on a gaming pc such settings ar- ITS FUCKING TURNED OFF.

WHAT IS THE POINT OF HAVING ALL OF THIS POWER IF NONE OF IT IS SET TO ACTUALLY WORK. ITS LIKE BUYING A FERRARI BUT NONE OF THE WHEELS ARE ACTUALLY CONNECTED? WHY NOT CONNECT THEM? PCs WERENT MEANT FOR GAMES. THEY'RE SPREADSHEET MACHINES, THEIR FAX HANDLERS, WHY CANT IT JUST DO WHAT SHOULD?!?!

CONSOLES JUST FUCKING WORK. THEY'RE PERFECT BEINGS. DIVINE IN THEIR FLAWS. MY 3DS DOESN'T KNOW ITS PERFECT BUT WHEN IT FEELS THAT CARTRIDGE CLICK INTO PLACE, IT KNOWS ITS PURPOSE AND EXECUTES IT WITHOUT FAIL, WITHOUT FEAR. IT IS BUILT TO DO WHAT IT NEEDS TO DO AND IT DOES SO FUCKING WELL YOU CLAMSHELL LITTLE SHIT I FUCKING LOVE YOU. FUUUUUUCK PC GAMING, FUCK YOU, AND i'll see you later because i want to steal from greedy corps in space with my friends in a buggy ass unfinsihed game

fuck

[soft-pine]

so instead of replying to any of the above. and instead of listening when i said, "i am finding this conversation really frustrating so from the bottom of my heart no pressure to respond." this person just sent me ... a list of events that occur in 1.07??????? so let's dive in.

dean: so you believe her? sam: i do. dean: yeah, i think she's hot too.

see, "romantic encounters" sheet, line 15.

*visibly turns to look at female librarian's ass*

i mean he turns to watch as she walks away. it's subjective if he's checking her out or waiting til she's gone to keep talking or looking after her after she made a kinda flirty face at him. i'm not keeping track of these little moments that can be read so many different ways.

dean: so this is how you spent four good years of your life, huh?

what sheet am i supposed to be adding this to?

sam (to dean): that's pretty good. you and dad think of this? dean: i told you. you don't have to be a college graduate to be a genius

what sheet am i supposed to be adding this to??

confronted by cops and told to lay down arms, put up hands, and lay on ground: dean: he had the gun!

what sheet am i supposed to be adding this to???

dean: i told him that you were a dumbass pledge and we were hazing you... sam: and he believed you? dean: well you look like a dumbass pledge!

what sheet am i supposed to be adding this to????

dean: dude, sorority girls! think we'll see a naked pillow fight?

see, "romantic encounters" sheet, line 16.

contrasting sam and lori: lori arguing with dad in car: "i'm an adult. i can take care of myself" lori not wanting to get close to sam and discussing feeling cursed because people around her keep dying; sam saying he thinks she knows how she feels lori having issues with her father and his insistence that she simply have faith "it's like on one hand, you know, just do what you want and be happy. but he taught me, raised me to believe, that if you do something wrong you will get punished" lori's inadvertent powers via ghost hurting her father, who she loves dearly "i was so angry at my father." "part of me wanted him punished. and then he came, and he punished him" (sobbing) sam: it's not your fault lori: it is. i don;t know how, but itis. i killed rich. taylor too. i nearly killed my father... i can see it now... they didn't deserve to be punished. i do.

what sheet am i supposed to be adding this to?????

dean refers to lori as sam's "little friend lori"

what sheet am i supposed to be adding this to??????

in a club/party with various scantily clad women dean: man, you've been holding out on me. this whole college thing is awesome! sam: this wasn't really my experience.

i don't know what you want me to do with this? like i get it that the comment is probably about the hot women there. but also like it's a party? it seems like fun. the romantic encounters tab is really mostly for like direct interactions or more specific comments.

when discussing how to split up and deal with the case: sam: and you? dean: *looks at a woman winking at him, winks back* (unhappily:) i.. i'm gonna check out that unmarked grave.

see, "romantic encounters" sheet, line 17.

dean: next time, I get to watch the cute girl's house.

see, "romantic encounters" sheet, line 18.

dean saving sam at last moment (repeatedly), sometimes with lori as well. sam clearly framed as a damsel in distress

WHAT THE HELL SHEET AM I SUPPOSED TO BE ADDING THIS TO??????? gonna make a separate post about this one because it is truly unhinged.

(figured id cut the response and just get to the actual stuff that mattered. again, sorry if you've already got this shit)

YES I ALREADY HAVE IT!!!! where it is even remotely relevant to that things i have stated i am keeping track of, I HAVE IT. all 4 moments here that had any relevance to things i'm tracking, i ALREADY NOTED. apology not accepted. in your first message to me, you said my spreadsheet had "a lot of stuff missing." turns out you couldn't even be bothered to read it enough to check if i already had your so-called "relevant" additions.

(some of the dean readings weren't particularly charitable, i know this. i love the guy but you have some bias so i decided to be biased in the opposite direction)

after weeks of insisting im soooo biased this is honestly pretty funny. also you haven't once pointed out a place where my bias (i like dean) effects my actual notes (counting the number of times dean or sam say specific kinds of comments).

but please listen to me, WHAT YOU ARE LOOKING FOR IS SAM-META BLOGS! that is who is gonna be writing about the framing of sam as a victim in need of rescue. that's who's gonna be writing about sam and lori parallels. that's who's gonna be keeping track of all the comments dean makes about sam's experience at college. but I AM NOT THAT BLOG. and i never fucking said i was. i never said my spreadsheet keeps track of EVERYTHING AND EVERY dynamic from spn. and i would never try to do that. THE ONLY THINGS you sent me that were relevant were things i already had noted down.

so that's it. we're done. any reply to this that isn't along the lines of "gotcha" is gonna result in a block.

woke up to these lovely DMs and while I'm of course not going to post this person's account, I am going to respond publicly. (cn discussion of SA)

okay so to preface this, you're somewhat correct. what we are doing - what we are all doing is an interpretive task. objectivity really doesn't exist - on my side or yours. and i'm not claiming it does. i have said and said again and said over again that i'm not trying to exclude or skew things. but sometimes i am simply not going to interpret a scene the way someone else does. and that's okay. please take your own notes! hell copy-paste mine and delete everything you don't like! add whatever you want!

that said, i made these notes with the intention for it to be useful to other people so if it seems like something is categorized wrong or not included, we can talk about it. i've said and said again and said over again that i am open to specific feedback. and where i have received specific feedback, i've made the small changes suggested!

but this is not specific. and honestly is virtually meaningless to me at this point. just because the notes don't sit right with your feelings about the show is not, in and of itself, proof i've missed anything. especially, especially because one of the reasons i made this document is because i saw frequent, unsubstantiated claims get circulated widely and i wanted more information to fall back on. so tell me what i've missed specifically or don't bother.

i'm sorry that you don't like that post. but honestly things can have some fucking layers. do both sam & dean make jokes to each other that make light of SA & demons, yes. are they both men who were raised in a misogynistic culture and have better and worse moments at treating each other and those around them with respect, yes. do i fucking hate meg and wish she would stop assaulting both of them, YES!

was i pointing out that there is a pattern of dean thinking about femininity and women and being embodied as a woman, yeah. it's not like i cannot engage with that comment in multiple ways. it's not like it's not in my notes.

but also like i don't go search up posts about sam's gender by people who are primarily interested in sam and say how their post is shitty to or diminishing of or not fully accounting for everything dean has experienced. that would be a waste of my time and theirs. i'm sorry i didn't talk enough about waffles in my post about pancakes but you're not in an ihop. you're in my kitchen right now. i make pancakes. we are eating pancakes.

but i take issue with again and again. point me to it. show me where dean does this again and again? like i am genuinely asking what am i missing. where is the repeated mocking? tell me what episode, what scene and i will add it to my notes and my understanding. heck! if you don't have that information, i'd take a gifset or a sam-centric meta post and put the puzzle pieces together myself.

i don't know what to tell you. these notes were compiled over the course of over a year and two full supernatural rewatches plus some. i am currently rewatching supernatural. i am never not watching supernatural. i am never not taking notes.

and i fully own my dean-centric POV. that's not gonna change. but that doesn't mean that as i was watching the show, side-by-side with the transcript page open, rewinding and double-checking and adding notes, that i was just leaving things out willy-nilly that didn't fit into my view. honestly, when i started these notes (primarily to record how sam & dean articulated their feelings about john), i didn't expect a lot of these categories to turn out this way. i don't need them to be like this to love dean and i was and am open to corrections that change these numbers. but you have to tell me what they are. and not just claim they simply must exist.

now on to this. honestly if you've been even an ounce as careful looking over my notes as i was making them, you'd find that a lot of the dialogue about possession being like SA comes from dean. that is not to say that i don't think that's how sam experienced it or that he can't feel it without saying it aloud or that fans can't interpret that that is how he is likely feeling.

but don't come here and tell me i need to consider this when i fucking marked down all the times in season 5 that dean compares the prospect of michael possessing him to rape. when i watched the scene in 14.03 when dean undresses the clothes michael dressed him in. when this is like one of the main themes of my main fic. like you don't know me. dont come on my blog and scroll down far enough to find a post you hate and then tell me you can somehow know all my thoughts on a topic that post wasn't even about.

i have never claimed that dean is being victimized by sam. if that's what you get from my notes that honestly says more about you than me.

and that's the real issue isn't it. i simply must be so biased but you all... all the people yelling at me that i've missed so much are, what... not engaged in an interpretive task with inherent imperfections and bias?

i am trying to be as honest, open, correctable, and sincere as i can about this but i don't have to skew my document until the numbers look right to you.

[erikahenningsen]

Me, eating ice cream as I watch the giveaway post pass 1k notes in 24 hours: This is a problem for November 1st me

[caleiiiii]

mcyt subway au pt 4 - ELECTRIC BOOGALOO

check out the master post here !

halloween

phil lets everyone dress up for the halloween weekend as long as they wear the nametag and hat

tubbo dresses up as a bee (it matches the pin on his visor :D)

tommy tries to “dress up” as schlatt, but gets denied as soon as he walks in the door

wilbur, the shift lead, decides that tommy can just. wear a sheet over his head with the eyes cut out

he has to wear the hat and nametag on the sheet tho

wilbur, quackity, and fundy decide it would be hilarious to all wear their uniforms backwards

hats, shirts, aprons, pants, it��s all backwards

wilbur asks fundy if hes gonna wear his fursuit (this is before the philza smackdown)

fundy is Not Pleased 

the dream team + karl dress up as hogwarts students

instantly the favorites from all the kids who come into the store

technoblade dresses up as a vampire 

isnt allowed to ring people up because of the fake fangs

eret dresses up as a king, also attempts to wear those like 5 inch platform heels

the reason he cant is because he kept hitting his head on things

niki dresses up as wednesday addams

phil told her she wasnt allowed to keep the crossbow on her :(

schlatt just shows up in his everyday clothes

when quackity asks who hes dressed up as schlatt just responds

“God”

no one else asks any questions

the proofer incident

one time tubbo was sick and couldn’t work his shift

everyone else was busy so phil let tommy and wilbur work it alone

since tubbo always bakes the bread, tommy had to do it

(for context, you have to proof bread before you bake it so it rises)

so tommy placed all the dough in the proofer to proof

but he didnt set the timer right

cut to a few hours later

the two are just finishing up a big rush when wilbur looks into the proofer

“tommy, you do know how to set the timer on the proofer, right?”

“what timer?”

tommy looks into the proofer

its just

dough

so much dough

(when you overproof dough it gets really big)

wilbur starts CACKLING 

tommy just. stares

they run out of bread that evening

languages

tubbo asks niki to teach him german one night

niki decides to hang up a bunch of sticky notes on items around with the store with the german word for it

fundy and quackity begin to do the same for dutch and spanish respectively

phil tells them as long as its in the back room he doesnt mind

speedrunning sandwiches

dream is hella good at making sandwiches

prides himself on being pretty damn good at his job

one day he hears rumors about a worker from another subway store who is super fast at making sandwiches

dream, curious, asks what location and decides to pay a visit to this newfound competitor

when he gets there, he meets illumina

the guy is just so fast at making sandwiches

dreams internal monolouge: “oh, this is my new rival”

as illumina is making his sandwich hes just like. mentally taking notes

he starts going to the other subway like about 3-4 days a week

everytime he asks for illumina to make his sandwich

every single time

time skip to two ish weeks later or smth

dream has made way too many google docs and spreadsheets over this

once he was editing it on the company computer and sapnap caught him and just stared in horror

he goes into the subway to order another sandwich and asks for illumina again

as dream is paying illumina kinda asks

“hey, so uh, is there a reason that you come in here like every day and always request that i make your sandwich?”

dream just. Freezes

its a weird conversation

the kitten incident(s) -an expansion on an idea by @trademarked-but-not-really !

schlatt, despite the façade he puts up, is a big softie

one time he finds a tiny kitten on his way to work

in a split second decision he just. brings the kitten to work

places the cat in his cubby behind his sweatshirt

during his lunch break he goes to the back room to play with the kitten

quackity catches schlatt holding the kitten and baby-talking it

“who’s a good kitty? you are! you-”

“uh, schlatt, what are you doing?”

quackity gets so much blackmail

“if you tell anyone about this you’re dead.”

quackity uses his blackmail to get out of so much stuff

after that incident, schlatt gets better at hiding the kittens

there are still some slip ups tho

phil: “is that cat hair on the floor?”

schlatt, hiding a kitten in his apron: “no... hopefully”

after his shift he always brings the kittens to the local animal shelter

he also volunteers there during his free time

one time niki comes in to adopt a cat and walks in only to see schlatt holding 3 small kittens

one in each hand, and another climbing up his shoulder

they just -stare- at eachother

needless to say, another person gains blackmail on schlatt that day

trade-offs

tommy, tubbo, and wilbur haggle and trade doing certain tasks

mainly sweeping the store and stocking the chips display

these trades get VERY intense

“i’ll start on freezer pulls if you sweep and mop” “only if you do prep work tomorrow” “deal!”

“i’ll let you bake bread and cookies if you also stock the chip display” “ugh, fine”

one day phil comes in to do inventory just to see the three boys standing by the task list screaming at each other

luckily only bad and skeppy were in the shop

schlatt and wilbur origins

when schlatt  first started working at subway, he always got paired with wilbur on shifts

(this is before tommy and tubbo started working at subway)

they got along like a house on fire

they always made up bets to complete while they worked

on their first shift alone they decided to play a hellish rendition of “the floor is lava”

whoever lost had to buy the others meals for a month

skeppy and bad agreed to be the referees for the day

they took extra chairs from the back and placed them around the shop so they could get around without touching the floor

they even put chairs behind the bain (the area behind the counter)

after they set everything up, the game began

from then on, they spent the whole day perched on chairs

customers were

very confused

to say the least

many tasks were done poorly or not at all in an attempt to win the bet

the two survive until the end of the day with no major failures

in a last ditch attempt to win, schlatt made a dramatic final speech and pushed wilbur from the chair he was standing on

skeppy recorded the whole speech

unfortunately, wilbur hit the floor just as phil arrived

the manager in question was PISSED

wilbur and schlatt were banned from working together in the future

feel free to send my asks about this au!! also, if you write/draw anything for this au, please tag me!!! i’d love it see it :D

tag list :)

@i-am-a-wizard @eva-ticket @oakskull @thesmpisonfire @trademarked-but-not-really @orange-is-salty-tm @pixelatedrose @hollow-hypocrite @astrono @nootella23 @hot-dumbass @jen-dot-net @karlljacobs @gearstorm @nico-nat @marvel-snowbaz

[oikawaplssteponme]

okay I LOVE SOULMATE AU'S so imma send two requests cause why not

first one letter d. damage. with bakugou 🥺👉👈 perhaps not entirely like the list but in which the reader feels the pain as well (?) so whenever he uses his quirk the reader feels the explosions!! could be them finally meeting in U.A. (reader in class 1A or they're in general studies whichever you think it's best!) and fluff of coursee

uhhhh I guess that's it for the first one, if you want more details just say so!!! 🤩🥺 I'll send a second ask with the other one 👉👈. 🌺.anon

hi again anon!! i loved writing your requests so thank you for sending them in ☺️💕

~

Damage

pairing: Katsuki Bakugou x reader

warnings: some swearing, mentions of injuries

genre: fluff

a/n: because i couldn’t help myself i had Hatsume make an appearance (i just love her sm hehehe). also i sorta changed it to wear the quirk causes the damage and they can feel their soulmate’s quirk. enjoy xx

•

It started as little shocks. You felt your palms get sweaty, and start to spark. It was a strange sensation. At first, these explosions spurring out from your hands didn’t hurt too much. Then they got stronger by no fault of your own. The residue from these detonations took a toll on your hands. Your quirk had nothing to do with explosions, so why did your body seem to exert this kind of force?

Then you remembered.

Soulmates.

You feel whatever they feel. Whatever kind of damage they go through, you will too.

You assumed that your soulmate had to have some kind of explosive power, and was in constant training. They must be on the track to becoming a Pro Hero, or they had anger issues at the very least.

You were a third-year at UA High. You were in the general studies course, working alongside your best friend, Mei Hatsume, in the student workshop. You didn’t have the flashiest quirk but it was good for what you intended on doing with your life. You wanted to work with Hero’s at their agencies. You were quick with numbers and had a quirk that involved elevated intelligence. So any Hero would trust you with the logistics of Hero work.

“If I have to make that Izuku kid one more of these leg paddings I am going to lose my mind. Plus Ultra does not mean break my babies every two minutes,” Hatsume groaned. You laughed.

“Well, when we have our evaluations you can tell him that.”

“How many students do you have tomorrow?” asked Hatsume.

“I think about ten from class 3A. I finished all of their spreadsheets and costume improvements. Tomorrow I’ll just have to show them,” you explained.

Depending on quirk and commitment, certain students from outside the Hero Course were chosen to provide assistance to those in the Hero course. You were chosen to create advanced training plans, after crunching a few numbers, that will show these future Hero’s what they need to do to improve and stay on track. It was a way to show your skills to hiring agencies as well, as you can take some credit for your classmate’s success.

“I’ve got the rest of that class too for tomorrow. That's why I have to make Izuku these new pads,” she huffed. You chuckled.

“At least you know some of them by name. I barely know their names of mine and I’ve gone to school with them for three years.”

“A lot of them aren’t worth remembering,” joked Mei.

“Well, I’m gonna get some sleep before a long day tomorrow. See ya.” You packed up your things and left for the dorms.

As you were leaving, you looked over at your arm. A bruise began to form.

Great.

Then came the explosions. You would keep our arms out to avoid them from hitting your face and just let the explosions run their course.

“Can my soulmate be calm for two seconds?” You mumbled to yourself before continuing your walk to the dorms.

~

It was the morning of evaluations and you were running down to the training ground to meet your group. Your arms bruised and beaten from your soulmate’s own damage. They were sore as you carried the large stacks of papers. The Hero Course students awaited your arrival.

“Sorry I’m late you guys! I had to make sure I had everything. Okay, so these are your personalized spreadsheets to help with training. Um, who is Mina Ashido?”

“Me!” said the pink haired girl. You handed her the folder. You continued giving each student their specified folder.

“Uh, Katsuki Bakugou?” You called at last. A blond boy with spiked hair raised his hand. You handed him his folder, accidentally locking eyes with him. He had beautiful red eyes. He noticed you too.

Wait he’s cute.

“Oh uh sorry…” you mumbled, snapping back into reality. Bakugou nodded, taking the folder and walking away, his hand on the back of his head.

“So after you’ve looked over your training plan you can feel free to start putting things into practice out here or use the inside facility. Let me know if you have any questions,” you announced. Most of the students went inside, a few stayed and spread out among themselves.

“Hey! Y/N!” a voice called. You turned around to see the blond boy again.

“Bakugou right? What’s up?” You asked.

“Why did you cross this out?” he asked. He pointed to his self-evaluation that you asked everyone to fill out when creating their trading plans.

“Because for goals you wrote: ‘beat Deku’. I don’t know what a ‘deku’ is so I can’t really help you plan for that,” you explained. Bakugou chuckled.

“It’s a person.” You felt a wave of embarrassment.

“Oh my gosh, I’m so stupid,” you sighed.

“It’s fine. Hopefully whatever crap you wrote in here helps me beat him,” he said.

“I can add more to it if you’d like. What’s your quirk again?” you asked, taking the folder from his hands.

“Explosions.”

Your heart dropped to the ground. There’s no way it could be him, after all, lots of people have explosive quirks. What are the odds that you go to the same school as you? You looked down at his folder. There is was.

Katsuki Bakugou. Quirk: Explosions. Using his nitroglycerin sweat, he is able to create powerful explosions from the palms of his hands.

How could you have missed this? Well, you did write most of the training plans while on only one hour of sleep, so the idea of a possible soulmate must’ve slipped your mind.

“You good?” he asked. You nodded violently.

“Yup yup, all good. Do you mind standing over there?” You pointed to the middle of the field. Bakugou did as he was told.

“Okay, uh, blast me one of your explosions,” you ordered. Bakugou smirked.

“I thought you’d never ask…”

Bakugou adjusted his stance and began to fly himself up with his explosions. He blasted himself through the air before landing in front of you. You looked down at your own hands, waiting for something to happen. Nothing did.

“How was that?” grinned Bakugou.

“Pretty good. I calculated better strategies for air dynamics so why don’t you try-”

*BOOM*

You had blasted yourself into the air, imitating the same pattern that Bakugou had just performed. Your hands burning with each explosion.

“SHIT SHIT SHIT- I DON’T KNOW HOW TO LAND!” you yelled. Bakugou’s eyes widened. He ran toward you as you fell back onto the ground, catching you safely.

Your face burned as you looked up at him. He smiled.

“I figured my soulmate would have handled my quirk better by now,” he joked. You sighed.

“You should be grateful that the most damage I’ve done to you is giving you a paper cut.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll take you to Recovery Girl to bandage you up then take you out. How that dumbass?” smiled Bakugou. You smiled back, ruffling his hair.

“Sounds good soulmate.”

•

[general taglist: @lealofsblog @iwaisa @bakugousmymassa @roesaurus @evivn1 @astrooliver @tetsoleil @bokutory @vangoghmusings @moonlightaangel @complimentaryhugsgirl ]

[ragingbakusimp]

And I’m Still Hurting - Bakugou x Reader

Angst to fluff ⛅️

TW ⚠️ Mentions of PTSD from abuse

16+ (Mentions of adult content and language)

Ripples of sunlight spill through the shutters, warming the exposed flesh of your legs. The bed covers shift like the lazy laps of waves against sand as the body next to yours rises from the cotton bedding. Long lashes cascade a shadow across your cheeks as they flutter open, welcoming the fresh light of morn.

Stood, staring out the window, was the man you loved. Your soulmate. His silhouette stood tall and muscular, hands firmly gripping the window sill as he most likely glared at the streets below. Sitting up in bed, your skin almost glistened in the glittering beams of the sun. Noticing the sound of movement, Katsuki turns toward you, his face serene.

His form moves towards you, placing himself on the edge of the bed. Heated lips are pressed against your temple as you cling to the duvets, holding them up to cover your exposed bust. 

“Good morning.”

His gravelly voice sends shivers down your spine as you smile sleepily.

“Mornin’.”

Scars and bruises cover his torso and arms, signs of his victories, as everyone knows, Katsuki never loses. He rises yet again, his warmth leaving with him. Pondering round the room, he finds the necessities needed before he packs his bag for work. Leaning down over you, he grazes his lips against your ear.

“I love you, Teddybear.”

And with that, he picks up his things and leaves the bedroom you share, giving you time to get ready yourself. He treasures the purity of you. In the nights, long gone is your innocent tone and angelic aura as you scream his name and beg him for more, nails creating long scratches down his back as you cling onto him for dear life. He treasures the marks you leave on each others skin. He treasures the way you throw your head back as you both climb the mountain. He treasures the moment his lips meet your jugular, your racing pulse against his mouth. 

Yet he also treasures the sleepy mornings. The return of the innocence. The way you stare up at him like he carries your entire world on his shoulders. These sentiments drag him through each day, no matter how easy or tough. He knows he's coming home to your care, your love, your heart. 

Today would test him though.

The walk to work was quiet. Katsuki could tell something clouded your mind as your eyes stayed trained on the footpath in front of you. Shining windows reflected the early morning sun as the agency came into view. What could have switched your mood? Katsuki wondered. You loved your job, you loved him, what was there to be sad about? Concern and anxiety bubbled up inside of Katsuki. Clocking in was also silent. The ash-blonde male watched as you got into your hero costume, your face was a blank slate.

“Oi, Dumbass, you good?”

(E/C) eyes darted up and stared directly into his own. Like a mask, a fake smile was smeared across your cheeks.

“Yeah Suki, all good here.”

Sucking on his lip, he didn't pry. Nodding firmly, he zipped his costume up and motioned for you to join him in leaving the cubicle. Grabbing your hero mask, you quickly trailed behind him. You both worked under Hawks’ agency. You checked the spreadsheet and you were both on patrol together in the sketchiest part of town. 

Katsuki scanned your face as you both made your way into your patrol area. Many poor families lived here, and the crime rate was astronomically high. Many young children played out on the streets as their mothers watched them closely, smiling to the two of you as you walk by, grateful for your watching eyes as heroes. Small dainty fingers interlaced with Katsuki’s as you clung to his hand. It was almost like he could feel your heart racing. 

“Oi, what's wrong?”

You simply shook your head as you clung to him, clouds starting to dim the gentle light of the sun, the world turning grey. A man emerged from behind a car, his gaze landing on you and Katsuki. 

“(Y/N)? Is that you?”

The fiery male felt you tense. Your quirk was mental manipulation. You could manipulate things well, mentally. Telekinesis, telepathy and mind control were all in the palm of your hand. Katsuki watched as your hand gripped around his, small pebbles beginning to float off the floor.

‘Suki, we need to leave.’

Your voice rang in his mind. Just as he pulled you in to move down another street, the man appeared in front of you both. You swallowed. The older male smiled crookedly at you as Katsuki observed.

“Can we help you?”

The older man chuckled sickeningly. 

“Still clinging to a man hoping he’ll protect you I see. Do you still hold all that stuff against me? Come on now baby, you know I did it to make you stronger.”

Katsuki furrowed his brow. 

“(Y/N) do you know this geezer?”

“I’m her father you punk.”

You seemed to mumble something under you breath as he spoke those words.

“What did you say?” 

The male spat at you as Katsuki held your hand tighter.

“No. You're not my father. You never have been. You hurt me and my brother. You deserve to sit in this shit pit and rot. You are not and never will be the reason I’m the hero I am today.”

“You little shit. After all these years that's your idea of a thank you? I BUILT YOU FROM NOTHING!”

The older male raised his hand and Katsuki's instincts kicked in as he blew him half way down the street with his palm. You buried yourself into his side as a million thoughts drilled into Katsuki’s skull. Snapping back into reality, he radioed the police. The local squad arrested the male and assured Katsuki they would be running a full report on him. All the angry male could do was watch your solemn shaking form. 

The rest of the day trailed on. You barely spoke, disappeared during your lunch break and came back with puffy eyes and red cheeks. By the time you both got home it was late. Katsuki had stopped by the station to collect the report on the man who claimed to be your father. The apartment was dark and quiet, the first thing Katsuki noticing was you slinking off to the bathroom by yourself. He held his breath until he heard the shower running. 

‘Good.’

He thought, hoping the shower would help you clear your head; hopefully meaning you'll talk to him again. Katsuki sat down on the couch after removing his shoes and began reading through the report.

Name: Malcom (L/N)

Age: 56

Height: 5′11″

Convicted of: Domestic Violence, Petty Theft, Theft, Grievous Bodily Harm and Child Abuse.

Fuck. He abused you. No wonder you shut down completely after seeing him. Katsuki felt slightly less guilty about blasting that fucker down the street now. As Katsuki read the rest of the report, you stood in the shower rinsing away the dirt from today. Katsuki had showered at the agency but you just couldn't. You wanted to wait till you came home and felt safe. You scrubbed your face and rinsed the soap out of your hair before stepping out of the shower and drying yourself off. You plugged in the hair dryer and began to blow dry your hair. Staring into the mirror, you frowned at the girl that was reflected in the glass. She looked weak and tired, not strong like a hero. Brushing your hair and teeth, you finished up in the bathroom and left the steamy room. You quietly pottered around the kitchen, making some peppermint tea before heading to your bedroom.

Katsuki watched you disappeared into the bedroom and he decided it best to sleep too. Following behind, he opened the bedroom door to see you curled up under the covers. Changing out of his clothes and into just boxers, the ash blonde male joined you under the sheets. 

“He’s going to prison, you know.”

No response.

“I know what he did to you.”

Silence again.

“He won't hurt you ever again.”

Katsuki shuffled up behind, hugging you as he buried his nose into your hair. That was when he felt the shaking of your body and head the soft sobs that fell from your lips. Rolling you over, he pulled you tightly against his chest. Your shaky hands gripped to his shoulders as you hugged him close. 

“I-I’m weak Katsuki. Heroes should be strong.”

The ill-tempered male pulled you away from his chest and looked you dead in the eyes.

“No fucking way. No. You are the strongest person I’ve ever met. You stood and faced your trauma today. It takes a lot of fucking strength to do that. You are so strong and so grounded. That man didn't take anything away from you and he didn't break you either. He will rot in prison and you can make your life whatever you want. I will be here for you every single step of the way. I fucking love you cause you're dumb-ass but also a bad-ass.”

By the end of his speech you were giggling into his shoulder. Calloused fingers gently held your face as he wiped your tears. His crimson eyes warmed your heart as they stared at you lovingly. This was your soulmate. And you treasured the days and the nights, no matter how easy or tough. 

*SOBS* - Ragingbakusimp

[pynkhues]

C&C prompts!!!!! someone is sick?? preferably someone who is a horrific patient and it's early enough in that the whole little family unit is still trying to find their footing together and the whole thing's a mess???

Attempting this challenge has been a real reminder that I am no good at short things, haha, but look! 2k isn’t too bad for me????? 

(I hope you like it 😘)

Set in The Center & Circumference Universe.

(Early in the relationship, as requested ;-))

-

It goes like this:

Elizabeth sneezes.

She sneezes and it ain’t some cute little ladylike nothin’ sneeze neither. It’s some loud, fucked-up-sinus, mucous-mouthed thing that echoes around the warehouse and makes everyone stop working, and shit, even Demon looks taken aback. Rio bites his tongue, gaze sliding from him back to Elizabeth, who suddenly stands up taller to meet his look, squares her shoulders, and he has the sudden, vivid memory of Jane doing this at the foot of their bed last week.

“What?”

And yeah, Jane had said that too.

Elizabeth though, she’s got this indignant edge to her voice that means she’s getting defensive, like her hair ain’t frizzing at her sweaty temples, like her skin ain’t flushed, peaked, her eyes ain’t starting to water, and he’d known it this morning before she’d left ahead of him for school run, but okay - - maybe he’d let himself believe her. Maybe he’d let her bat those baby blues at him, let her distract him by leaving the top couple of buttons undone on her ugly floral blouse so he could see the flushed curve of her breast, let her tell him - -

Rio works his jaw, huffs out a breath.

“You said you were good.”

“I am good,” she says right away, voice a little too loud, like he won’t hear the hoarseness that way and when Rio squints at her, she flails out a wobbly hand. “It’s allergies.”

He pops an eyebrow at that.

“In July?”

Behind him, Demon snorts on a laugh, and he sees Elizabeth’s focus snap to him, her own jaw rock, the flush at her cheeks deepening. She shifts her weight, side-to-side, and that ain’t good either, because she looks halfway to wobbling too far and topplin’ over, but still, she blinks.

Takes too long to blink.

Like her eyes close and she doesn’t entirely wanna reopen them.

She does though, just enough to glare.

“Not all allergies are seasonal,” she says, and her voice cracks a little at the end, and he can see it – how much she needs to sit down, and he’s of half a mind to get her arm over his shoulder and drag her over to a seat, but also is she really tryna play him like this?

It’s the latter thought that wins out, because - - whatever. He’ll catch her if she passes out.  

“So it ain’t got nothin’ to do with last week?” he asks, and shit, it’s like some game of chicken, because Elizabeth firms her look, wets her lips, tilts up her chin.  

“I’d tell you if it was.”

And this has pretty clearly proven she wouldn’t, but still, Rio rolls his shoulders back, and turns on his heel, starts walking again to the meeting room in the back where they’re supposed to be hearing a pitch from some new associate, because fine, if this is what they’re doing, it ain’t no skin off his nose. And okay, maybe they set up in the meeting and he spends most of the time watching her, because her skin’s less flushed now and more paper pale, and maybe she wobbles a little in her seat as she trains glazed eyes on the kid pitchin’ them the idea for smugglin’ hormone pills to Cleveland across Lake Erie, and maybe she tries to subtly swipe at her damp forehead as she curls her hair behind her ears and maybe he can hear her swallowing coughs, and maybe he should’ve taken her home before she passed out, but, y’know, he said he’d catch her, and he did, so he can’t really be faulted for that.

 *

 Last week went something like this:

Danny sneezed.

Danny sneezed then Jane sneezed then Emma, Marcus, Kenny, and Rio was vaguely reminded of sitting in front of the TV and watching A Christmas Carol as a kid himself, seeing the ghost of Christmas past, present, future in symptoms across the five of them while he and Elizabeth both wrangled tissue boxes and kiddie aspirin, cough syrup and glassy eyed tears over Frozen, Frozen 2, Wreck It Ralph, Frozen, Moana, Frozen, Zooptopia, Moana, Frozen.

(He might have thrown the bluray of that fuckin’ movie out before Annie came over with extra supplies and cooingly installed Disney+ on their TV, and shit, he’s had a lot of reasons to kill her before, but they all pale in comparison).

And okay, maybe it was a thing, because they were still pretty new to all of this and Rio didn’t need to be as good at math as he was to know that handlin’ five sick kids was gonna be worse than one, but still. He doesn’t think he’ll ever feel as close to burnin’ a house down as he did tryna handle three sobbing, snuffling kids at once, and they’d gotten well and the handover had happened and he’d maybe never been happier to give a mostly-better Marcus back to Laura and see the rest of them (also mostly-better) off to Elizabeth’s dumbass ex, and piling into bed after.

Him and Elizabeth hadn’t even fucked, they’d just collapsed back onto the mattress and looked at each other.

“If you get sick, I’m leaving you.”

He can’t remember which one of them said it.

 *

 It goes something like this:

Elizabeth sneezes.

Elizabeth sneezes and Rio throws a tissue box at her bedridden form as he works on his laptop in the reading chair in the corner, his own legs propped up on the ottoman he’s dragged up from the living room, as he works on the specs for the associate’s Cleveland pitch.

“Your bedside manner leaves a lot to be desired, you know that?” she asks him, nose so blocked at this point her voice comes out somehow both hoarse and reedy, and Rio glances up at her over the top of his laptop, biting back a grin.

Thing is, she really does look like hell. The bags beneath her eyes are so purple they almost look like bruises, her skin so pale it’s almost translucent. He’d managed to get her into her favourite, ugliest pyjamas when he’d hauled her back into the house, and she looks comfy, between them and the approximately 800 blankets she’d demanded he pull out to cover her.

She’d sweat the fever out pretty quick, and he’d made awkward but proficient work of takin’ care of her – wiping her brow, feedin’ her flu medicine, and making thin, tasteless soup he somehow hadn’t managed to completely fuck up (then again, the only ingredients had been stock, salt and slivered vegetables) – and hours had gone by and she’d slept and glowered and offered frail excuses, and now - -

Well.

“Ain’t what you said last night,” he hums, clicking through the spreadsheet, and he feels more than sees Elizabeth’s eyeroll in reply.

“I said bedside manner, not - - in-bed manner,” she sniffs, before pulling out a tissue and blowing her nose, and Rio glances up at her red cheeks and wet eyelashes and grins.

“Figured what we did counted more as bed-side.”

And maybe it was semantics, but whatever. It was fun in the moment of it, rememberin’ both their toes curled in this carpet, her body bent like an L atop their sheets, ass up towards him, and - -

“Bed-over,” Elizabeth corrects, and it surprises him enough that Rio barks on a laugh, glancing up at her again, grinning when he spots the subdued but still-a-little-playful look in her eye.

“Yeah, somethin’ like that, huh?”

The look on her face is as close to affectionate as she ever gets, and he shifts a little in his seat, feels himself warm beneath it, as she flops back into their pillows, still snuffling. He can pretty much smell the sweat on them at this point, and he wonders vaguely if he can change the sheets before he slips in tonight, because shit, they are damp, and he’s spent enough time hovering over the kids’ feverishly moist beds over the last week to like the idea of somethin’ a little crisper, when Elizabeth suddenly says:

“You stayed though. So that’s - - you know. That’s some sort of bedside manner.”

His gaze darts up, takes in her pink, mottled cheeks, her crooked nose, her dimpled chin, and her voice was high. Light and airy in that way she ain’t, and there’s a knot between his shoulders when he shrugs.

“Well, we got a mortgage now,” he drawls, eyes skirting back down to the spreadsheet on his laptop screen but not taking any of the figures in.

“A big one,” Elizabeth agrees, like they don’t both know they’ve paid it outright, and Rio hums, willing her complicity in the moment of it, because fuck, if that ain’t just - -

Easier.

And he can’t really think about what that means, not really, but maybe he doesn’t have to, because suddenly Elizabeth says:

“I bet you’re terrible when you’re sick.”

Rio jerks his head up, eyebrows raised, and Elizabeth snuffles, closing her eyes briefly, shuffling back into their pillows. The air around her is thick, her body tired, slumped, but glowing with the sheen of her fevered sweat. He wets his lips, works his jaw, meets her eye.

“You’re probably like the - - the poster child for man flu,” she adds, which is a little rich comin’ from the woman who passed out halfway through a meeting. Rio arches an eyebrow back at her, and somewhere in the pocket of his jeans, his cell buzzes. Somewhere outside of here, he can hear afternoon traffic and a neighbour yell. He can hear a lot of things, but he can’t see anything that ain’t Elizabeth, awkward and beautiful and a straight up fuckin’ mess, sprawled out in their bed.

“You talk to every man who takes care of you that way, or just me, huh?”

And her head jerks at that, neck forcing at an odd angle, shoulder shoving up to suffocate the pillow against the bedhead.

“All of them,” she decides after a moment, and Rio snorts on a laugh, closing his laptop and putting it aside. The knot between his shoulders is settling, and he ain’t exactly taking in the specs anyway (he thinks the deal’s a no-go, but he figured lookin’ it over was the least he could do for the kid, given one of his potential bosses rolled out of her fuckin’ body halfway through his pitch), so he starts towards the bed, planning on folding in directly beside her, when Elizabeth shakes her head, pushing him gently away.

“No,” she says. “I’m not - - I - - ”

She’s fumbling for the words, and Rio looks at her, taking her in all over again, seeing the uncertainty not the set of her, and so he ignores her, returning her gentle shove with one of his own and lying down in their bed, and he can’t explain it. The feeling in his chest when she casts wide eyes at him.

“What?” he grunts, and she opens her mouth once, twice, says:

“I - - Dean - - ”

Her mouth clamps shut.

She stares at him, and Rio stares back, watching her mandible clench, her lips twitch, her bambi eyes blink. After a moment, she shakes her head, wriggles down in the bed.

“You’ll only have yourself to blame if you get sick.”

Rio snorts.

“Darlin’, we both know I probably already got it.”

She rolls her eyes then, but keeps wriggling down until they’re eye level again, and Rio leans over, just enough to hook a finger beneath her chin, flick it up over the dimple there, and he watches as her tired eyes glaze over or - - maybe not. Maybe they’re just overtaken somehow. By somethin’ that just makes her look at him in a way he still ain’t used to. Naked almost, open and tired and warm.

“Probably,” she agrees quietly, and she turns into him. Rio’s fingers lift from her chin to brush over her wet lips.

“’Sides,” he tells her. “Where else would I wanna sleep?”

Like they don’t have at least five other bedrooms in this house.

Like there ain’t the promise of something warmer, cleaner, fresher, safer somewhere in this house, but he don’t want it.

This is his bed.

She’s his - -

“Fine,” she says, pointedly closing her eyes, and Rio does the same, and maybe he pretends he doesn’t notice the way she shuffles – ever so slightly – closer before they both fall asleep.

 *

 It goes something like this:

Rio sneezes.

Rio sneezes and Elizabeth fuckin’ laughs.

[hartigays]

3. “It’s always been you.”

3. “It’s always been you.”

billy storms out of the apartment, seething and fighting back tears. because billy hargrove does not cry. ever. he didn’t back when he lived with neil, he didn’t after his mom left, he didn’t when he got arrested for possession and almost lost his scholarship to UCLA.

he’s not about to start now.

not because steve pretty boy harrington has to go around acting like a grade-A asshole, with his soft hair and big eyes and pouty lips, screwing everything with a goddamn pulse. no sir. billy won’t give him that luxury.

the reality is, steve has always had a thing for plowing his way through as many people as humanly possible. or so billy heard all those years ago when he’d first arrived in hawkins and started inquiring about the pretty-faced indiana boy who billy just couldn’t seem to stay away from.

but billy thought all of that was behind them. they live together, for fuck’s sake. they’d moved out to california together so billy could go to school, and so steve could take a position at one of the offices of his father’s company in LA. steve hasn’t been seeing anyone, billy hasn’t been seeing anyone. they’ve been happy. content.

and okay, so maybe they aren’t dating. maybe billy hasn’t exactly told steve how he feels. but, like, steve should know. billy has gone out of his way to make it glaringly obvious. steve may be oblivious, but he’s not dumb. not like everyone thinks.

billy is pretty damn sure there’s no way steve isn’t aware of how he feels.

the worst part is, billy thought steve actually felt the same. at least, he had up until today, when he walked in on steve sitting on the couch with some girl, laughing and smiling and whatever the fuck else. he’d walked out before he could see anything more, despite steve’s desperate pleas for him to come back so they could talk.

there’s nothing to talk about. billy thought steve liked him, steve doesn’t. it’s done. he just needs some time to... process it, or whatever. billy finds himself on the beach soon enough, and he slips off his shoes so he can stick his toes in the sand, plopping down with a sigh.

it’s a private beach tucked a ways away from the pier, but billy knows the owners of this plot. they don’t stay at their beach house until the winter, when they want to escape to somewhere a little warmer during the colder months. he’s pretty sure the rest of their time is spent in aspen. so for now he’s safe to sit here and think, staring out at the water as the sun sinks below the horizon.

billy has brought steve here a lot. they’ve picnicked here several times, and billy even brought steve out a once or twice to teach him how to surf before they knew that steve was irreparably bad at it. the thought makes billy’s heart squeeze, and he has to pinch himself as a reminder to not be such a pussy.

because it’s whatever that steve is into some air-headed cheerleader type with a tiny waist and hair like strands of gold. it doesn’t bother billy one bit. not at all. he Does Not Care in the slightest.

maybe if he keeps telling himself that, it’ll somehow become true.

“thought i might find you out here.”

billy doesn’t turn around at the sound of steve’s voice, keeping his eyes forward even though his stomach sinks. “congratulations, you’ve finally managed to develop critical thinking skills. let’s bust out the champagne.”

“i can go if you want me to,” steve says softly, even though billy feels him sink down onto the sand next to him, close enough that their arms brush.

billy just snorts, shrugging. “i don’t give a shit what you do, harrington.”

steve just sighs, and for a long time he doesn’t speak. out of the corner of his eye, billy can see him staring out at the sunset, looking rather forelorn. billy wishes he could turn that look into something soft, something happy, but steve has made it abundantly clear that he doesn’t have that right.

“you know, i remember the first time you took me here,” steve says finally, and billy can’t help but glance over at him. steve’s smile is warm and soft, but tinged with something like sadness. “you tried to teach me how to surf. the first time, i mean. i slipped off the board and busted my ass so hard on it you had to carry me home.”

“you suck at surfing,” billy acknowledges, nodding. “badly.”

steve huffs a soft laugh. “yeah, i do. i just remember thinking that it was still one of the best days i’ve ever had. because that was the day i knew you loved me as much as i love you.”

billy goes completely still, his heart leaping up into his throat and his eyes watering, because what the fuck? where does steve get off making an admission like that just to make billy be less upset with him?

“don’t do that,” billy says, his voice rough. “you don’t get to do that. don’t pretend like you feel the same just because you don’t want me to be pissed at you.”

“billy,” steve starts, sounding distressed. he pauses, meeting billy’s eyes and fuck, they’re filled with tears too and billy doesn’t know how he feels about that. “it’s you. it’s always been you.”

the words break something inside of billy, and he crumples. he can’t pretend to be mad anymore when the truth is that he’s devastated. plain and simple.

“you sure have a funny way of showing it,” billy tells him, sniffling and wiping his nose on the back of his hand. “i saw you two. you were two seconds from playing couch twister. would’ve been if i hadn’t walked in when i did.”

“leanne is gay, billy,” steve groans, burying his face in his hands. “she works with me and she’s gay. has a nice girlfriend named annalise. they have a fucking kid. we were just- jesus, i can’t believe i even have to explain this. to you of all people. i’m the dumb one, remember? fuck. we were just going over some fucking spreadsheets. yeah, riveting stuff. super romantic.”

“i didn’t- are you fucking with me?” billy asks, because he’s starting to feel really fucking stupid and a small part of him is hoping he didn’t just throw a (rather humiliating) tantrum over nothing. “you guys were giggling. and sitting so close, i just... i thought you were making a move.”

“god, you can be more dense than me sometimes, you know that? we were giggling about you, dumbass. i told her that i liked you and she wanted to know more,” steve explains, shaking his head in disbelief. “it was just- i dunno. like two friends at a sleepover giggling about their crushes.”

“would you quit calling yourself an idiot?” billy huffs. primarily because he can’t think of anything else to say - his mind is racing too much. but also because it’s true. “this kinda proves that if anyone’s an idiot here, it’s me. i just- i don’t understand why you never said anything.”

steve is shoving his hands through the sand repeatedly, watching the sand run between his fingers. “you know i’m bi, i told you as much. i figured you were like me, or gay, or- i dunno. i just thought you weren’t ready to talk about it yet. i left the ball in your court, thinking that once you were ready, we’d, y’know. address the fucking elephant in the room.”

“the elephant being... ?” billy trails off. and he knows, but he really just wants to hear steve say it again.

steve rolls his eyes, laughing. “you know what i mean. but fine: the elephant being that i’m in love with you. and that i’m really, really hoping you love me, too.”

“i do,” billy says, his voice soft. “and i’m an idiot. i’m sorry.”

“you’re not an idiot. i probably would’ve thought the same thing if the roles were reversed and i walked in on something like that.” steve glances over at billy, giving him a tender smile. “just... next time, let’s talk to each other, yeah? i think that’ll save both of us a lot of grief.”

billy just hums, nodding his approval. they sit in comfortable silence for a little while, both still too nervous to make a move despite having just confessed their love to each other. at this point billy just finds it endearing, but he really, really wants to be closer to steve, and not just emotionally.

“i am gay, you know,” billy starts, his palms sweating, “and i really want to kiss you.”

“i know. and i think i’d like that.”

steve’s lips are soft and yielding beneath billy’s. his kisses feel exactly the way billy imagined they would - tender and sweet and a little shy, but curious. billy tries to keep it slow, not wanting to shove them into uncharted territory, but it’s only a matter of time before billy has steve’s back hitting the sand, hovering over him, their lips never breaking apart.

steve just sighs into the kiss, embracing the new position without complaint. he relaxes into the sand, one hand threading through billy’s curls, the other curling into the tufts of hair at the base of billy’s neck. it’s a kiss that billy never wants to end. but he knows there’ll be more. so much more.

“i’d say at least now we can get a cheaper apartment, but i think we’ll both still need our space every now and then,” steve says when billy pulls away, staring up a him with big eyes.

“yeah. plus it’s... ” billy trails off, his cheeks flushing bright red.

“it’s what?” steve asks, his brows coming together in confusion. “seriously, what were you going to say?”

“it’s home,” billy says gently, bracing both arms on either side of steve so he can swoop down to capture his lips again whenever he wants to. “home is wherever i’m with you, but- y’know. i like our place. it feels like us.”

“you’re such a fucking sap, oh my god,” steve laughs, but he’s smiling so brightly that billy thinks the whole beach could stay lit up for the rest of the night. “billy hargrove, secretly soft and mushy inside. who would’ve thought.”

“wasn’t, ‘til i met you,” billy tells him honestly.

and it’s true, for a long time billy hardened himself to the world, protecting himself with an armor of indifference until steve came along and melted him to his core. but billy isn’t one to complain, not when it means he gets to go to sleep and wake up to steve’s smile every day now, for the rest of his life. forever, maybe, if steve is up for that.

he wouldn’t have it any other way.

[malinkamax]

What is luxury?

When you see a $250 burger on the menu, first reaction most likely would be: “WTF?” , ”RIDICULOUS!”  "Only a ____ person would buy that." (What word did you use? Arrogant? Elitist? Jackass? Dumbass?)

Sure, you could take that approach and insult people who spend a lot on something. That’s what most people do. Or you can say, “Hmm… Who actually buys this and why?"

As a general rule, people who spend 100x more than other people are not stupid. There’s something else going on here.  Something that almost nobody talks about.

…Lets take a look into the world of LUXURY.

Luxury is one of those things that makes us feel happy, sad, angry, and jealous - all at the same time.  Yes, think about it…  For example, who the hell walks into a Tom Ford store and buys a $6,000 dress or suit…on a Wednesday? $6,000 for just ONE suit!  Just thinking about spending that much money on clothing makes some people cringe.  But notice that if you were given this suit for free - the same suit James Bond wears that fits like a glove - every single one of us would put it on with a huge grin and brag about it.

Most people think spending this kind of money is completely stupid and irrational. Some even laugh at the people flying first-class. "Lol, stupid. They paid 3x the airfare, but we’re all going to the same place. Ha ha.” But why don't you stop and ask, "Hey, I wonder why those people are spending that kind of money?"

You’ll notice that most frugalistas and experts completely dismiss the value of luxury. They see the world as a spreadsheet of dollars and cents that can be counted and should always be maximized to save as much money as possible. But you and I know that’s not how life works. Sure, saving is important, but if you can afford it and you want it, shouldn’t you be able to splurge to buy it - every once in a while? I say, spend extravagantly on the things you love…and cut costs mercilessly on the things you don’t.

Interesting? Now, do you see why we feel so conflicted about luxury?

We want it, but at the same time we don't. We see it everywhere, but nobody wants to talk about it publicly. We say certain things are "wasteful," but the $25 lunch we bought yesterday seems wasteful to someone who’s living on $25 a month and feeding a family of four.  And we’re all for luxury until we see how much it actually costs...at which point we instantly label it “ridiculous.”

Am I saying you should immediately go out and buy a $6,000 suit? No.

But what I am saying is that it’s better to understand what’s going on in this luxury world than to immediately write it off as "too expensive" or “stupid.”

In fact, I’ve seen my view of luxury change through the years because I've seen it from both sides of the table. In my first year in the States, I earned only $11,000 and I didn’t spend a lot on luxury then, nor I had much understanding. But as my income grew, I saw another side.  As I started seeing things from both perspectives, I learned to move past the sticker shock of saying "That cost HOW much? That’s insane!" and appreciate it instead.

Maybe your luxury is insane. Who cares?

Let’s get one thing clear: Luxury doesn’t have to mean a $50,000 dog house or a fur coat for every night of the week. YOU choose what luxury means to you.

I might think it’s insane, your college friend might think it’s insane, but if you’re getting superlative value from it, that’s luxury.

Instead of being dismissive of all luxuries (like I used to be), I decided to learn about the reasons behind why people pursue more, even when others might find it ridiculous or frivolous.

Check out what I learned:

LUXURY REASON #1: Functionality. I used to not understand people who got first-class airplane tickets by saying, “Ugh, we both get to the same place, and I just saved $2,000.” I was a stupid know-it-all when I said that. Now I know when you travel first class I can actually sleep well on cross-Atlantic flight, wake up fresh, have a decent breakfast before landing (therefore save time), and go straight to a meeting. Luxury can be functional.

LUXURY REASON #2: Economical. Luxury is, by definition, not cheap. But some people change from a “disposable” mentality of buying cheap umbrellas, cheap clothes, cheap EVERYTHING…to selectively buying the best and keeping it forever. I have few dresses and coats that costs what many would consider an obscene amount. Timeless and flawless after 10-20 years, and if you divide the price by amount of time — the price becomes much more palatable. And that says nothing about how much I love wearing it. There are very few things that give me more pleasure than turning heads when I walk in to a function or a ball in my custom Dolce & Gabanna dress.

LUXURY REASON #3: Jay-Z vs. Dorothy. So many people cannot fathom the idea that what costs a lot to you may not cost that much to someone else. Go look at literally any forum online about how much people paid for wedding rings. 90% of the respondents will say something like, “My husband paid $287 and we’ve been married for 30 years. Anyone who pays more is a fool!” That is great, Dorothy. But there are also people for whom $287 is like an eighth of a cent to you. They earned more, or they just have more (Jay-Z’s ring to Beyonce was wooping 5M, and Beyonce dropped 40M on a present to Jay-Z).  As you see it is all relative.

What’s important to understand is that YOUR FINANCIAL SITUATION IS NOT EVERYONE ELSE’S. And that is something to keep in mind when you open your mouth to say: “That’s crazy money!”

[stardatewiththedevil]

A cursed spreadsheet

You know when you talk about something too much to not do it? I don’t. If I did I would be in 100 bands, have read War & Peace, have a medicinal herb garden, and probably have a baby or something, maybe. But I am really good at following through with watching TV! Even if it means STARTING with ENTERPRISE.

I am also really good at making 100% useless spreadsheets when left to my own devices. Enter: Star Trek in stardate order. As a Star Trek fan, I know we are all assholes, so I know there will be some quibbling with this. My basic methodology here is taking every Trek film and season and sorting by available stardate first, airdate second. We can quibble all we want about time travel, but I don’t think it’s necessary to watch the tribble episode of DS9 at the same time as same in TOS. Yikes, see, I’m already getting in to the weeds.

Here is the cursed spreadsheet. I’m sorry.

Anyway, I made this spreadsheet, so naturally I have to watch one billion hours of television in painstaking order.

While I’m pretty obsessed with Star Trek—and I’ve been generally familiar with the lore for as long as I can remember—my actual commitment to the series started pretty late, joining my partner on a DS9 marathon midway through the first season about a decade ago.

I’d tried marathoning TNG in order, because that was what all my nerdy ass friends liked. In high school, I caught whatever was on. With the advent of streaming I tried to start from the beginning, but the dry first few episodes always lost me. I was never really sure when to jump in, although I kept watching ‘em out of order whenever they were... on.

But nothing hooked me like DS9. It was my gateway drug into everything else. I cared deeply about Captain Sisko and his commitment to the safety of his crew, the legacy of Bajoran culture, his supremely sharp and talented son Jake (who is leaps and bounds better than dumbass Wesley), and his deep friendships with the crew.

While I am now a very annoying trekkie, I do have some real gaps. I still haven’t completely mainlined TNG in order, because damn, overpowered Q is annoying. Like many of you, I have never watched Enterprise. As someone who didn’t really go out to many movies as a kid, I also have a lot of blind spots there!

So, fuck JJ Abrams, I’m gonna buckle in and do the original timeline in order. For as long as I remember to. Sorry in advance.

[saint-patrice]

In light of this post, about different types of ways you may feel about your favourite hockey players, getting an awful lot more notes than expected, I thought it would be fun to have a more detailed look into what kind of responses people were giving! I accidentally deleted the damn thing a few months ago and it took me a while to find it again, but on the plus side it accrued a lot more notes during that time - I have responses from 150 people, covering 119 different hockeys! This is pretty long, so all the good stuff is below the cut :)

So, as I said, there were responses from 150 different people (thank you all) - 119 individual names were mentioned for a total of 429 answers, accounting for 25 NHL teams. I’m going to link the Google Sheet at the end of the post, but first I thought I’d go through some of it :)

There is obviously going to be some bias towards the teams I am about on my blog since that’s where the post originated from, but with that many responses, the results are pretty varied. Anyway,

First are some of the most common players assigned to option one, which, as per the post, was “he’s perfect and i will not hear otherwise. i look at him like he hung the moon, because quite frankly, he probably did. he is the lord’s perfect creation and i would happily die defending his honor.” 

As you can see Jamie Benn is the pretty clear winner, and very satisfyingly so, as he has the same number of votes as his jersey number. From what I’ve seen, Stars fans are very passionate about their captain and I love that! I don’t think there’s really any surprise appearances on here, although I wasn’t expecting Crosby’s name to crop up this much, maybe that’s just because I’m not necessarily a Pens fan. These are just the most common answers. People’s opinions were far more varied on this than the other option; on a quick count, I tallied 75 individual players being named for this one! As a result, most players that were mentioned in this category only appeared once or twice, like Ben Bishop or Seth Jones (both good choices). There does appear to be a considerable bias towards Canadians, with (if I’m right) 10 appearing on this graph. The rest of the players are European, so not much love for the Americans…interesting.

Category 2: “this little bastard creature. how dare he. how dare he make me love him. he’s a gremlin that’s crawled up from the depths of hell and i hate him with all my heart even though i love him. he’s the literal worst man alive.”

 People were much more in agreement on this option - even as I was typing up the answers it was clear that TK and Seguin were almost unanimous across hockeyblr. It doesn’t seem to matter which team you support, you probably hold a little bit of rage for one of them anyway. 

I think Nolan Patrick making a pretty even appearance on both lists is interesting, and I can’t say that EJ or Jimmy Vesey were names I expected to see mentioned here. Matthew Tkachuk’s Friendship Tour runs rife even on Tumblr, it would appear. Most people probably would have predicted a lot of these names for this one.

(This post is from a fair few months ago, and from a quick scroll through the tags it does appear that most mentions of AMatthews are from before the allegations surfaced in September. Just something to note.)

This is where things get interesting - I noticed some players were appearing numerous times for both categories, so I thought I’d pick out some of the most common ones, and see how opinions were split. Of the 38 times Travis Konecny was mentioned, only 2 people thought he belonged to category 1 (represented by the green bar), so I hope those people are out there living their truths. Seguin showed a similar pattern, whilst Barzal, Patrick, and Tom Wilson had opinions split close to 50/50. Surprisingly, Marchand was deemed more “perfect” than “gremlin” but that may be the result of this post being circulated a fair amount among Bruins blogs. That being said, and we’ll get onto it in a second, it does appear that hockey fans on Tumblr were fairly evenly represented in this, so maybe not.

This is a summary of how the number of players mentioned were distributed by team. There’s some more info in the Google Sheet about how many players represented each team - e.g. the Capitals, despite only making up 7% of answers, had the most players mentioned at 14! This chart is interesting, and in my experience a reasonable portrayal of hockeyblr, although a few teams are probably a little under-represented. That being said, it is probably more reflective of hockeyblr on the whole rather than on a team-by-team basis. Players who tend to be pretty popular, or at least subversive, regardless of your allegiance - Konecny, Seguin, Marner - have definitely influenced this.

The Hurricanes, Red Wings, Kings, and Lighting have been omitted from the above chart as their players were only named once or twice, and so amounted to 0% in the grand scheme of things. No players from Ducks, Oilers, Panthers, Canadiens, Senators, and Winnipeg were mentioned at all. The Ducks and Senators weren’t really too shocking, but I did expect to see a player or two from the others in there. I would assume this is a result of those fanbases not being all that big on here. 

That’s all I’m going to get into here, but the whole workbook can be found of Google Sheets through this link: https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1cUFz4eSM_j-Ipjz7lhsAkaXqpw5M_08NcYiWBM1Zxec/edit?usp=sharing

It has all of the tables I made the graphs/charts from, as well as the whole list of the responses, some of which gave me a good laugh. And like I said, there’s some info on how teams were portrayed which might be of interest. It’s certainly not an exhibition on how you should be presenting your data, but it gets the point across :)

Thank you again for the awesome response to that dumbass post, and thank you to anyone who has read this far! I spent way too long on this so I really really appreciate it. That being said, it was good fun, so please feel free to let me know if you enjoyed reading this :^)

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