#i am a bad gm

[arabella-strange]

it just occurred to me that there are going to be several weeks where Brennan is onscreen GMing both Never Stop Blowing Up and EXU: Downfall.

[essektheylyss]

Candela Obscura is very fun in terms of horror, because I have never been particularly bothered by horror, but when I have been, I'm always like, is this because of how I react in particular or because of how effective the visuals or the atmosphere are? And that's kind of hard to differentiate in the genre people most often consume horror in (film) and for me, who reads books very visually, it can be hard in that format as well.

With Candela it's like, this is deeply unsettling despite there being no visuals beyond the general set and the action being dictated to me while mechanics are happening, which is something that can take absolutely you out of the atmosphere of the thing. Even if you're used to the actual play format, a mechanics heavy scene especially without notable GM guiding is going to remind you that you are watching people play a game. There's a lot to say about how this show's cast have phenomenal grasp of the genre and the atmosphere, but even then, it is a hard line to manage, and they are doing it masterfully. And that's what makes it so fun as a concept! Candela has very effective storytelling, but it's also a lot easier to see the edges of the story, because the "man behind the curtain" of the story so to speak is on full display.

Anyway, this is a long-winded way of saying that I really have confirmed I have no issue with horror, because I passed out instantly upon going to bed and then let a lab tech take my blood this morning without even thinking of making some eldritch monster joke. Which is, not gonna lie, a little bit wild to me.

[nho-jungle]

the joy of being a gm is cooking smthn absolutely nefarious and knowing ur players are gonna go insane over it.

the woe of being a dm is having no one to tell abt this and having to keep it a secret :(

[ultimateaclrecovery]

Been trying to have more conversations with the boy but it’s hard. I’m bad at it and he’s even worse. It just feels like we aren’t always very good at talking to each other both about small things and big things and it’s like if we don’t have that what we do we have?

And like sometimes the conversation is easy, but then it’s almost always about frisbee. And it’s like I do not want to either be carrying the whole conversation or talking about frisbee for the rest of my life (and yes that’s a hyperbole and I’m being dramatic but like still)

And then when I finally talk to him about how it feels like he gives me all these one word answers it’s always that he’s just tired and if he doesn’t think the answer is important he’s not gonna put his energy into it. And like he’s being apologetic but it’s not like if talking to me isn’t worth your energy what is? And like we only see each twice a week and sometimes only once a week.

And partly it’s because with the holidays I’ve been gone for two weeks and then had a Covid exposure and now he’s gone so we’ve barely seen each other. And I’m an abysmal texted so it’s hard to maintain connection when we don’t see other (and yes I really am the problem here and yes I’m working on it (although he was always says it’s fine)

I just feel sometimes like I just don’t understand him very well especially considering we’ve been dating almost a year.

And when I brought up doing something for our year, that is when he mentioned that his grandmother had died earlier this week and so he’d be leaving for her funeral. And I had asked him about various aspects of week like seven times at this point and he had yet to mention it. And I have no idea how to be there for him or if he even needs or wants that because he just never shares.

And then because he never shares I feel like I’m being over emotional and needy whenever I share. And then we just talk about anything ever.

And his family’s going to Italy in may and when I saw his family over thanksgiving she invited me but he has never even hinted if he’d like me to go with them (I probably can’t regardless but like I would like to be asked)

And even when his family was here for thanksgiving he only invited me to see for actual thanksgiving even though they were here for like a week and he did lots of other stuff with them. And I had to be the one to ask if he even wanted me to meet them when they came and to let me know what he wanted me to join them for. And turns out the answer was very little.

And it just sucks that it feels so hard to build an emotional connection because he’s so great in other ways. Like he’s so sweet and kind and thoughtful. And he remembers all the things I like and is always seeking them out or trying to do things to make me happy. And whenever I do manage to try and talk to him about the things I feel he’s always really nice about it and never makes me feel like my feelings are stupid. (He sometimes get hung up the logistics (it almost always twice a week and only rarely once a week) )but also always ask what he could do make me feel better. But like how do you tell someone to just be a more emotional human?

And like I hate that it’s always me telling him things. Like I know I can be annoying and I’m far from perfect but like he just never has any complaints, often even when asked point blank. And even when I did ask him what he would change about the relationship he one made me answer first and two just said he’d like it if I texted him back a little quicker. Which while fair I had just told you five minutes ago how was feeling disconnected probably in part to me being a terrible texter so is that really what you want or just what you think I want? It’s also annoying because when we first started dating I told him I was bad at texting and he said he actually preferred to not text that much. And like it could be that it’s a spectrum and also things evolved but it makes me worried that he’ll just tell me what I want to hear and then just deal with it even if it’s not really what he wants. And then I worry that he’ll end up resenting me for that and then just break up with me out of no where.

And this fully me just being anxious but I can’t help but feeling sometimes likes he’s just waiting for a good time to end things because he’s too nice to do it at an inconvenient time.

And I guess a lot of it just circles back to the thought I’ve been having since this summer that while he’s a really good boyfriend, he’s just doing the things that a boyfriend should do because he likes having a girlfriend and not that he likes me in particular. It’s like I check all the boxes so he’s committed to make it work and emotions are irrelevant. I like I want to have that deep emotional connection and it feels like that’s not enough. But then I go to describe what is that doesn’t feel like “enough” and it feels like I am describing a really good relationship.

And I don’t know if I’m just getting caught up in the holiwood or social media fantasy of relationships where people jump into each other everyday and talk endlessly for hours and no every last detail of the other persons psyche, because that’s not what we have.

He’s pleasant to hang out with, even if sometimes I feel like I want to shake him until more words fall out. He’s like the least annoying person I’ve ever met, he’s super easy to travel with. He’s considerate of me and my feelings. He puts effort into the relationship. He can be silly and we can have goofy moments together. He checks all the lifestyle “boxes” and my ideal life and being with him work perfectly together. He’s never dismissive of me. He’ll do things just to make me happy even if they aren’t his favorite. He feels safe.

And I don’t know how to balance all the wonderful against the intangible lackluster emotional connection. Especially when I am the other half of the emotional connection.

Like is the reason I have more deep feeling conversations with my girls friends just because THEY are good at it? And does it feel hard with Anthony because I am actually bad at it or because he is? (I mean probably both). And at the end of the day does it matter? Even if I’m the problem if I can’t figure how to make it better, it’s still not really working. And we all know the answer to every relationship question is just to talk to the other person. I just wish that didn’t feel so hard

[linabirb]

okay so since yesterday i had this. very weird thing with my temple. basically it's like i'm sitting and i can feel something pulsating in there?? and it's very loud and i literally can't wear my headphones bc they make the sound louder for some reason. i thought this was just gonna last for one day but nope it's here again and i got worried and was like "okay pls tell me it's not something serious" and i googled it like a fool and was prepared to hear that im about to die

and it was like "nah it just happens to people who have anxiety".

and i sat there for a moment and was like "haha yeah i do have that :D"

[yuukimiyas]

g’mornie!! ໒꒰ྀི⸝⸝´ ˘ `⸝⸝꒱ྀི১ sendin so so much love for you guys to have the v best thurs!! brb i’m callin your faves to take you out for a super delicious brunch ໒꒰ྀི∩˃ ᵕ ˂∩꒱ྀི১ hehee!! smoochin your cheeks more than your faves!! i swear!! mwah!!

[missmonkeymode]

Man i hope im a good gm

[neona]

I did not expect myself to be even momentarily more deranged about a ttrpg adaptation of a children's anime I like than I am about poe2 but here we are

[crimezi]

I just came from your Last of Us uquiz, and your playlists are amazing! You have such great taste in music, and listening to them, especially Bill's (who has fast become my special favorite) has been incredibly fun.

This is currently my first playthrough of the game, and having these playlists is adding an extra layer of enjoyment to an already enjoyable activity.

(And you have one for the Bad Kids, too!!)

Anyway, super cool, have a great day!

AGHJDHGHFJKDJD THAT'S AMAZING I'M SO HAPPY THAT YOU LIKE MY PLAYLISTS ENOUGH TO LISTEN TO THEM WHILE PLAYING TOO I MADE THEM FOR ME TO DO THE SAME ON MY 29TH PLAYTHROUGH AND THE IDEA THEY CAN ENHANCE A FIRST-TIME IS INSANE. THANK YOU FOR LISTENING AND LIKING THEM!!! <3

okay, i legit had to walk away because i was like bright red with glee. uh yeah, im really proud of tlou playlists since i think about the characters practically all the time, and im desperate for all my playlists to feel like the characters they're for so i get to listen to amazing music and think of my blorbos. hope you have a great day too!!

[thydungeongal]

RPG rules are bad, this much we know. Whenever you're using the rules that's not roleplaying, that's what I like to call ruleplaying. Or rollplaying if you're nasty. The most important part of roleplaying games is that the rules are bad and the enemy. And that knowing that you have to ignore the rules is the most important part of being a GM. We have to keep buying the rule books though so we can not read them. Just so we know which rules to ignore. There can be no such a thing as a good rule because rules means that you're not roleplaying. Asking for game rules to be good instead of bad and to be ignored is like asking me to roleplay while I am rolling the dice (rollplaying). My favorite game is D&D 5e, a game famous for not having rules.

[maximumzombiecreator]

My primary objection to the whole "5e as a containment game for bad players" thing is that, in my experience, the vast majority of these bad players are perfectly able to be good players, they just don't know that they're not. They think they're behaving in a socially normative fashion, and are often shocked and embarrassed to learn that you think they've been rude.

Like, when it comes to players not learning the rules, I don't think I've ever gotten pushback* when I tell people, "We're all spending our limited free time to be here, so to be respectful to everyone's time, please learn how your stuff works so that we're not bogged down." Sometimes people still struggle, but then I usually take from that that they need to be playing something simpler. Some players are just a bad fit for crunchy systems, but they are trying.

*(from people I'm playing with, not internet weirdos)

The thing is that, for most of these players, they think I'm hosting a dinner party when I'm actually hosting a potluck. They've absorbed a culture that leads them to believe that I, as GM, am putting on a big production for them, they're my guests, and all they're expected to do is show up and have a good time. Them investing time to learn the rules and systems would be like showing up to my dinner party with a side dish. Like, that's honestly kind of insulting? If your host has prepared a 5 course dinner and you show up with your own food, that's an awkward situation.

But once you tell them that, no, this is a potluck, and they were really supposed to bring, like, a green bean casserole or something, they're mortified. And some of them won't be comfortable doing that, and will choose not to participate instead, but honestly I've almost never seen anyone decide that the expectation is unreasonable.

[bitchinbarzal]

Team Mom | C Keller

summary: you’ve become somewhat of a mom to the team.

-

Clayton isn’t an outwardly emotional guy. He keeps things pretty level, takes things as they come, and never makes too big a deal out of anything. But when he’s named the first captain in Utah’s history, he almost loses it.

Almost.

He holds it together in front of the cameras, in the locker room, even when his teammates shower him with congratulations. He keeps it together when he shakes the GM’s hand, when he hears his name in the announcement, when he pulls on the jersey with the “C” stitched on the front. But the second he gets home and sees you standing there with a cake that says Congratulations, Captain! in slightly smudged icing, he feels the emotions creep in.

“Did you bake that?” he asks, stepping closer, a small grin tugging at his lips.

You scoff “Absolutely not. You think I had time to make a cake between running errands for your team?”

He laughs, pulling you into a hug. You smell like vanilla, probably from the frosting you insisted on fixing yourself “Thank you” he mumbles into your hair.

“For the cake? It was the least I could do—”

“No” he cuts in, pulling back just enough to look at you. “For everything. For dealing with the guys. For being here”

You roll your eyes, but there’s warmth in them “I don’t deal with them. I like them”

That’s debatable.

The thing is, you’ve been around Clayton’s team long enough that you’ve become part of the fabric of it. And somehow, without realizing it, you’ve ended up being something of a—

“You know you’re like our team mom, right?” Logan says casually one night at dinner.

You nearly choke on your drink “Excuse me?”

“Oh, for sure” Dylan agrees “You’re always checking in on us, making sure we have food, giving us rides when needed—”

“I once drove you to practice because your car was in the shop.”

“Yeah, and you packed snacks,” Logan reminds you.

“I was already going to the grocery store!”

Clayton, for his part, is having way too much fun with this. He leans back in his chair, watching as his teammates list off all the things you do for them.

The way you remind them to bring extra layers when they travel somewhere cold, the way you make sure they eat something green at least once a week, the way you’ve somehow memorized their coffee orders and deliver them without asking.

“I also pack your lunches” you argue, looking pointedly at Clay “Am I your mom, too?”

He smirks “Nah, i think that makes you my wife”

Your face burns, and the guys lose it, laughing at your expression.

The nickname sticks.

You don’t particularly like it, but you don’t hate it either. At least, not enough to stop the guys from calling you “Mom” every time they need something.

It starts off small.

“Mom, can you sew this button back on?”

“Mom, can you look at this text and tell me what it means?”

“Mom, I forgot my headphones — do you have an extra pair?”

And then it escalates.

“Mom, I may or may not have spilled coffee on my white dress shirt, and I need it for a team event tonight”

“Mom, can you send me that soup recipe?”

“Mom, I think I have scurvy”

“Mom, I—”

“I am not your mother!” you remind them.

“You’re the team mom” they reply, like it’s a fact of life.

And the thing is? You kind of are.

Clayton never says it out loud, but he loves it. He loves the way you’ve made his team feel like a family, how you take care of them in ways he never even considered. It’s not just about the meals or the reminders—it’s the way you care. The way you sit through their rants about bad calls, the way you text them good luck before games, the way you make their wins feel bigger and their losses feel smaller.

He knows he’s the captain, but he also knows that this team wouldn’t feel the same without you.

And maybe, one day, he’ll put a ring on your finger to make it official.

For now, though, he’ll settle for knowing that when he puts on that jersey with the “C” on it, he’s not leading this team alone.

He’s got you.

[trilobitepunch]

And then I accidentally made an AU...

I'm a sucker for Edo-period things so I got to thinking, well, what if...

The boys are some...Yōkai hybrid (I'm not going for accuracy here, everything is super-loose) and they basically get adopted by the Hamato Clan. Yeah, that's supposed to be Yoshi, I just borrowed off his teen haircut, haha!

I have this problem about wanting to nail down details before I do things (this is why I don't GM games, I get really carried away with trying to come up with well...everything- and the problem is trying to come with the everything XD;;)

As a fan of the series "Amatsuki" I was thinking the whole enmity between humans and yōkai thing would be interesting to go off.

I have been picking at ideas and nothing is completely solid except for me wanting to make them spikier, lol. I'm not outright making them kappa- let's be real, those things are weeeird. But the lads are more claw-ier and I gave the water boys webbing. And I just like making Donnie's shell spinier I guess. I did not put their usual markings because I was going to do something with kanji and tattoos for Reasons but I am very bad at kanji and I'm going for something more stylistic anyway so anyway gotta figure out stuff to stick on their arms.

I might ditch the hakama but I thought it was fun. My Bleach days are showing lol.

...I need to stop posting after midnight.

[callmearcturus]

finished ted lasso and obvsly i have thoughts

okay i don't think the ending was bad, but i do not know how the fuck you don't see Ted's ending as an absolute tragedy. like a truly fucking upsetting tragedy.

i feel like they were onto something with the Phillip Larkin quote but then. it's like... they flinched from it. I don't think Ted is allowed to break his cycle. The show goes into frankly devastating detail on how Ted has lived his entire life like a fucking apology for existing, always giving and giving and giving, and in the end he.....

Like, given the implications of what Michelle did to him and how much you do or don't think Ted was oh idk gaslit by a therapist into ending his marriage, the fact is he uprooted his life and basically exiled himself just so his wife could have some space

and he fucking tripped into a community that loves him, people who love him, a team he can appreciably work with and improve, a career that has been massively rewarding, he literally was set up from the word go to fucking fail and instead Rebecca rehabilitated herself and decided she'd do anything for this man she tricked into moving to England

like, even fuckign Beard stayed. even Beard.

I don't understand how its anything but a tragedy. and it's so frustrating because the show lands so many other things. Hell, I am a Nate Hater and I didn't really buy the entirety of his redemption arc. But that scene with Beard? is one of the best in the entire fucking show.

Roy's getting therapy and is the new GM. Rebecca directed AFC Richmond to victory in the name of love instead of spite. Jaime has grown so much as a person he's barely recognizable from when we meet him in S1. Nate gets a second chance at life. Keeley and Rebecca are reunited and going to change the world. Colin kissed his fella in front of the whole world and has a mega-hot fairy godfather.

And Ted just... goes back to Kansas, and leaves his home behind, leaves all those people behind.

They fuck you up, your mum and dad, indeed. Be the goldfish.

[imsobadatnicknames2]

I say this with no shade or animosity but one of the things that instantly make me realize that a TTRPG is not for me and immediately drop it is when its proprietary term to refer to the GM is some variation of "storyteller" (or some synonym of it), because it instantly communicatees to me that it has very different ideas from me about what the role of the GM is.

Like I'm not saying it necessarily makes it a *bad* game, but if the game terminology communicates that I as the GM am there to *tell* a *story* then it's a pretty clear indication that a lot of its fundamental assumptions are probably misalinged with mine and I probably won't enjoy running it.

[fuck-customers]

Sent something into this blog a maybe a week or so ago about how a customer had been constantly skirting the rules, saying he didn't know how to do online orders and just calling us over the phone and giving us codes for the self-serve machines to make us do it for him on our end (he always wants special paper, meaning he can't do it himself at self-serve). I had kindly told him over the phone and in person that he needs to submit it online, though he kept arguing people had done this for him before. I explained that they were not supposed to do that, and that the GM is cracking down a lot more now on following the rules. Then, in front of one of the assistant managers and another coworker, he insulted me and commented on my personal life. AM defended me. and when I left, he was still helping the customer.

I'd been mad at the AM at first for continuing to help, which I expressed in my submission here, but that was in the heat of the moment. After helping the guy, AM came to check on me in the breakroom. He told me he helped the man because he wanted to get him out as soon as possible. He actually made sure to show the man step by step how to submit an order online so that he wouldn't have any more excuses. Then he told him that if he ever talks to any of our employees like that again, he would not be welcome back in the store. AM also said he is going to talk to everyone in my department and tell them that we're no longer going to let customers skirt the rules like this. If they need help submitting it, help them, but we're not breaking or bending any rules.

So yeah, I feel a bit bad for that submission I made, earlier. No boss or supervisor has ever gone that above and beyond to help an employee, and I'm super disappointed that he's only temporarily filling in for another AM at our store (not that the other AM's bad but you get what I mean). I hope when I get other jobs in the future, I can get a supervisor even half as kind as this AM.

Posted by admin Rodney