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the-universal-sun · 2 months ago

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little!stan crying for his mama on hanukkah with cg ford and/or fidds?

Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, and Happy First Day of Hanukkah! I set this to post at 8 am but it looks like I set it wrong, my apologies! Thank you so much to this lovely anon for the idea of Stan crying over his mother, this helped me form the direction of the drabble-the part that kept stumping me and to @thehessianslady for the sweater idea! I enjoyed writing this so much, and I hope you all enjoy reading this!

I hope you guys had a lovely holiday/will have a lovely holiday, but to any who are struggling or are feeling alone right now, know that I am always in your corner. I will always believe in you and I will always be proud of any of your accomplishments, little or small, nothing is insignificant. I am always open to talk if you need someone, for anything. To vent, rant, or to just chat so you have something to do! I am always here for you guys, and I thank you all for giving me so much love and support!

I truly AM sending all of you all the Love in the entire world!

XOXO

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The winter air was crisp and freezing outside the Shack, wind howling against the windows, promising frostbite for any who dared to venture out unprepared. Inside, however, was warm and cozy, the scent of cinnamon mixing in an oddly delightful way with the scent of potatoes. The soft glow of twinkling lights and flickering candles lit up the living room of the Shack-a fun mix of Christmas and Hanukkah decorating the space. Stan sat on the floor, bundled in a sweater two sizes too big for him, a homemade gift by Fiddleford. It was matching Ford's, both sweaters reminiscent of their childhood Dreidal sweater, but softer and with snowflakes adorning the ends. Stan had begged and begged for his twin to wear the sweater, giving him his patented Puppy Dog Eyes and wobbling his lips for added effect. It worked like a charm, Ford being weak to Stan when he was feeling small. Too bad Fidds didn't want to wear his special sweater that he picked out himself. Stan smiled widely and giggled as he built and knocked over his new blocks, Poindexter sat next to him and his new friend, an Oppossum he named "Shanklin 2". He woke up to so many presents for him; presents for when he's small and presents for when he's big! Stan thinks he loves Christmas if he's getting gifts just for being good. And he got to play with his new toys all day long, neither Sixer or Fidds telling him to grow up or anything. He felt free-free to play and to indulge in his fuzzy mindset, the holiday spirit soothing him and wrapping around him like a warm blanket. The only thing that's missing is an ugly sweater on Fidds and his Ma'. Except he can't talk to his Ma', not now when he knows the old man's home, surrounded by the super annoying aunties and uncles who were probably told to shun him back when he was kicked out. His head's too fuzzy and small to talk to her now anyways, his tongue not wanting to move to speak right, if he managed to say anything, he'd probably sound like a baby. Or drunk.

Stan shakes his head to get rid of those sad and grown-up thoughts, grabbing his sippy cup half full of warmed cocoa-he can't stand to wait for hot drinks to cool down, burning his tongue too many times but never learning his lesson-and trying to focus on everything else. The pretty lights and ornaments in their tree-he's never had a Christmas tree before, Stan got to help decorate it and he even was allowed to put the star on! The Menora and the first two candles, the flames looking super pretty against the rainbow-colored Christmas Lights. He let it all wash over him, feeling his head get fuzzier and fuzzier, feeling even smaller than before. He chews on the straw of his sippy before a six-fingered hand replaces it with a pacifier; he giggles when the fingers tickle his chin before ruffling his hair. Stan feels so warm and happy right now, happier than he's been in forever.

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"Merry Christmas, Fidds," Ford said, clinking his glass of cooled-down hot chocolate-he can never wait for drinks to cool down-against Fiddleford's piping hot glass. He had never felt so peaceful this time of year, always surrounded by fast-moving and loud noises during the season, family he hadn't seen in a year pinching his cheeks and giving him wet kisses. And when he left for college, he stopped celebrating entirely-aside from that one Krampus incident with Fidds a few years back-having no desire to surround himself with noisy relatives, to sit beside an empty chair. But this year is different, he's with his friend and Lee, and it's just the three of them in their little shack, it's peaceful and nice. Being here and in the moment with the two closest people in his life, fills him up with such a fiery warmth that his heart aches and his breath gets caught in his chest; he can't stop smiling and laughing, even when all that's happening is Lee staring at the lights, that's how all-encompassing his happiness is. Ford couldn't ask for a better first Christmas.

"Happy Hanukkah, Ford, Lee." It was the first night of Hanukkah, a holiday Fiddleford's never celebrated, growing up Southern Baptist and all, so the traditions are all a bit new to him. Thankfully, as Ford and Stan both told him, it's just the three of them so there's no nosy fourth cousins to tell him he's not lighting the candles at the right angle or saying the Shehecheyanu wrong. He sat up, going to the kitchen to bring out the little gift he's been making for Ford and Stan; Sufganiyot. He's been working on the recipe he found in Ford's things-their mother's recipe he reckons-for a week now, and Fiddleford believes this batch to be a success. He knows neither of the men have had it for over a decade, but with how they're establishing all these new traditions in the house, he thinks it'd be nice to have an old one.

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Stan, who's been watching to doorway since Fidds left, perks up when he returns. He wiggles in his spot, hoping he's bringing another present or another tasty treat. He's been eating lots of them today, Latkes and gingerbread cookies and cinnamon pancakes, but he can't help but want more-Fidds' cooking was so good! Better than Ford's at least. He clapped lightly when Fidds came back in with a plate full of something he couldn't see from the floor. He gets to his feet, grabbing Poindexter and Shanklin 2, and walks towards Fidds, but Ford guides him to the couch instead, ignoring his pout and hand rubbing his stomach so desperately. Stan's starving, he deserves to have first dibs on the food!

"Don't give me that look, Lee, you just had dinner an hour ago, you can wait a few more seconds before you have dessert." Ford takes his pacifier and taps the corners of his lips, getting a smile and giggle out of Stan. Ford laughs too, slinging a warm arm over his shoulder and pulling him in for a big and warm hug. Ford's hugs always make Stan melt, he feels so safe and protected, like nothing can come and get him and hurt him or scare him, not with his brother there to protect him from the outside world. It brings nice squiggly feelings to Stan's tummy, Ford's hugs, and sometimes those feelings make Stan wiggle in place from how nice they are. Like now, he relishes in Ford's and Fidds' breathy laughs as he wiggles under Ford's arm. The wiggles intensify when Fidds brings the plate closer to them, getting a good look at the delicious morsel he made them. Stan gasps with excitement. He made Suf-Sufgina-

"Fiddleford, you made Sufganiyot?! Where'd you even find a recipe for that?" Yeah, that word Sixer said! Ma' made it all the time back-back in Jersey. How did Fidds know to make it for Hanukkah? Stan thinks he must be psychic or something, how else would he know and find a recipe?

"Well, m'a bit ashamed t'say that I found it riflin' through your stuff. I assumed your mom must've sent it, so I'm sorry if it tastes piss poor in comparison." Fiddleford blushes, rubbing a foot on the ground and looking down, not meeting their eyes. Stan just giggles, Fidds said "piss".

"Nonsense, F, I'm sure it's fine. If this is what you've spent all week in that kitchen working on, then they'll be great. Right, Lee?" Stan nods absentmindedly, almost drooling over the plate of Suf-goodies. They smelled so good, he needed to eat one right at this very moment. He looked pleadingly at Ford, pouting and whining, ignoring his and Fidds' conversation. He dives right in when he gets simultaneous nods, scrambling for the powdered-sugar-coated goodness. He takes one and shoves it in his mouth, doing happy wiggles at the taste. Fidds was so good at cooking, it tasted just like Mama's! Stan hasn't tasted this in ages, he forgot how good they were! He knows if Mama were here now she'd be fussing at him for being messy, wiping the powdered sugar off his cheeks with a wink. Sometimes Sixer does that, mostly Fidds, but it's not the same as when Mama did it. She'd probably get on to them about the wrapping paper still in the living room, making them clean it up before getting dessert. He misses her, now more than ever. Phone calls every month or so can only do so much. Stan feels his lips quivering, he hasn't cried over her in years, but something about this day, about tasting her recipe, he can't help it.

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"Lee, are you alright? You're crying. Is-is something the matter?" Ford's looking back and forth between Stan and the dessert, glaring at the Sufganiyot as if it was personally responsible for making Stan cry. Both he and Fidds startle when Stan gives a hiccup, his crying-silent up to now-beginning to have noise, sniffling, hiccups, and sobs emanating from Stan-the dessert plate having been moved from his lap at some point-as he curls over his lap, fisted hands rubbing his eyes. "Lee, come on. What's the matter, you were fine just a moment ago," here Ford pauses, hands hovering over Stan as he thinks. This is the first holiday they've celebrated together in over 12 years, a decade of holidays Stan spent alone and probably cold. Taking a deep breath, still unused to emotional talk, Ford asked, "Was it a bad thought, Lee? Some nasty thought ringing around in there?" Ford softened his voice like Fiddleford does, bringing a hand up to rub Stan's back, patting it to help dislodge a cough or two. He's not good at talking about emotions, at not being dismissive of emotions, but he's getting better. And these are Stan's emotions, not his, he's more open when it comes to helping his brother than he is when confronting his own issues.

"Ma'..." Stan whimpered between sobs, his small and croaking voice cracking Ford's heart. He's missing their mother...It's understandable, really, Stan may have talked to her a few dozen times over the years, but he hasn't seen her since he was kicked out, hasn't had the nerve to, not with their father still kicking around up there. And with Fiddleford making her dessert while Stan was in his headspace during this holiday, all these big emotions must have collided with each other, causing Stan's tears. Ford goes to quickly console Fiddleford, to tell him that it wasn't his fault, because if he still knows his friend, he knows that he'd blame himself. He was right, Fiddleford looks absolutely downtrodden, his lips and brow furled down into the deepest frown Ford has ever seen on the man-rivaling his expression when he's furious.

"Oh, St-Stan I'm so sorry-"

"Nope. This is not your fault, Fiddleford, and it's not yours either, Stanley. We are not playing the blame game, not on Hanukkah. Fidds, Stan misses our mother, he hasn't seen her since he was 17, there was always a possibility that he'd cry today given the timing and his headspace-I should have accounted for that." Ford quickly assures Fiddleford, needing him to know how much it is not his fault. He turns back to face Stan, who's still crying but at least is looking up at him, "Stanley, it is completely okay to cry over missing Ma', it's been years since you've seen her and you're in a more sensitive headspace right now. So please don't call your tears stupid," here Ford wipes a tear trailing down Stan's face away, "they never are. I'll tell you what, first thing tomorrow morning, I'll call Ma' to get her alone, maybe to a pay phone, and then I'll put you on, feeling small or not, and we'll explain to her that we've made up and are living together, sound good?" Ford may be rushing this whole "consoling" business, but they've been having such a good day all day, which is a rarity with the three of them, and he wants to keep the good mood going. Usually, this would be Fiddleford's job, but Ford figures he can, in the spirit of the season and his friend's own feelings of guilt, be the uplifting and guiding person today. He wipes more of Stan's tears, bopping his nose to earn a smile out of him-that action always does-and brushing his hair back.

"Now," Fiddleford's weak voice came a few minutes later from his place kneeling in front of Stan, "Is there anything we-anything I can do to cheer you up, Sugar Plum?" Ford knew that was the worst question to ask as soon as he saw Stan's lips curl, tears drying on his face but slowly stopping with the comfort of his caregivers. Ford knew this smirk well-it was the type reminiscent of the old Grinch movie they watched as children. It promised mischief. That look soon transformed into a teary eyes and a begging look, his brother even clasping his hands together with a pout. Ford had to give it to Stan, small or not, he knew how to play Fidds for a sucker. He burst out laughing as soon as he hears Stan voice, his tone quiet and childish but adorable, his request.

"The sweater." Fiddleford's face dropped dramatically, but he was no match to Stan's puppy eyes. With a distraught look towards Ford, he heaved himself up and trudged off to his bedroom.

Ford's suddenly glad to be wearing a matching sweater with Stan because Fiddleford comes out a moment later dressed in the ugliest sweater Ford had ever seen. It had lights, some form of discombobulated configuration of what he believes to be Rudolph, and a "HU HU HU" sewn into it over a dozen times. It physically hurt him to see. It physically hurt Fidds to wear, if the pained and cringing grimace was anything to go by, the wool looked incredibly itchy.

But Stan was happy, smiling and clapping, wiggling around in what Ford and Fidds have deemed his "happy dance", so Fiddleford can suck it up. In the spirit of the holiday season.

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struggle-but-its-all-ocean-floor · 7 months ago

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I've been feeling like ranting and writing stuff, so here I am lmao. I'm going to get called a Jimin anti again, but whatever. I love Jimin. I love his personality and think he's an angel. My complaints don't make me love him less. They aren't even really about him.

Anyway, not to sound bitter and like I'm deep in twitter bullshit, but I've felt a bit annoyed these days over how much support Jimin got from Army which his albums over the other members. In my For You page I see tons of random OT7 accounts, and the energy when Jimin has releases vs. the other members can be crazy, even compared to the maknae line. LC never caught on like Seven, or had the same advantages, but still got n.1 on the Hot 100 because the fandom was truly committed to it. People were buying and streaming Face like crazy. There were so many posts about it. I get it, because it was the first time Army thought we had a shot at a n.1, but I don't remember seeing this frenzy for V or JK. When SGMB came out, I was really not expecting it to do so well, but maybe that was timing too. Army was not about to let Lisa "win", and I think that had a significant impact on his results. Regardless, now that Muse has been released, I see so many posts about streaming and sales from OT7 accounts, and I don't remember seeing it for Jungkook. I say Jungkook because he's my bias so I follow him more closely. I know Jkkrs say this too, so I can't be sure if I'm being biased or just getting seeing OT7 accounts that don't represent the whole. I also know Jimin has a large fanbase on twitter. Still, the way I see it, it's like Army has positioned Jimin as an "underrated member". There were so many (valid) posts about mistreatment that there was no one in the kpop community who didn't know he was releasing Muse. It's like fans go out of their way to support Jimin because he's very popular, hence will get good results, yet he's perceived as less popular than JK and V, so he needs more support... I don't expect Army to make the same effort for all the members, and the hyung line definitely does not get the same support as the maknae line, but one thing is for one member to have a stronger fanbase than others, and another is for Armys who don't even bias Jimin to put in more of an effort for him than they would other members. It makes me feel a bit upset, but hyung line stans would tell me I have no right to complain lmao.

I'm just going to continue ranting, but about Jikook now. Again, I see random OT7 accounts on my timeline, and literally the only people who talk about Jikook are Jikookers??? If V and Jimin hug there are immediately multiple posts about them being "in love", "soulmates" or "married". If Jungkook smiles at Namjoon, you'll see dozens of tweets about how JK is in love with Namjoon, blah blah... But it's like Armys completely ignore Jikook. They don't post about the travel show, they can't even see how close they are! It's so fucking ridiculous. I read all kinds of exaggerated takes on the members' dynamics, but the most "sus" dynamic of all never makes noise outside Jikookers? How?!

#bts #jimin #jungkook #jikook #text

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dreamingcricket · 1 year ago

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may i request some poly head canons with wyll and gale dating a male dwarf tav ? i am Very Sad i cannot kiss both of them - maybe they are dating each other too, wyll/gale is a very cute ship =]

Wyll was easy to like, and almost easier to love. He was noble, gentle, as ready with a bolstering quip as he was his blade. More than once, you catch yourself gazing longingly after him on the battlefield. If you weren't so busy trying to stay alive, you'd have noticed him looking back.

An Eldritch blast explodes behind your head, and you whirl just in time to see the goblin crumble, it's weapon missing you by inches.

Wyll flashes you a grin. "Don't get slow on me now!"

You ignore the flutter in your chest and charge back into the fray. You couldn't afford to be distracted by your feelings. Not here. Not now.

It's a long shot anyway.

After the grove is saved and the camp engulfed by eager and intoxicated partygoers, you find Wyll standing on the shore of the river.

You fail to convince him to return to the party, and instead take a seat at his side. "It's a little loud for my taste anyway. Reminds me a little too much of home."

Wyll throws his head back in laughter. "Some truly mighty feasts then?"

"The drink alone would kill you."

"You'll have to take me underground sometime. When all this is over, if we survive."

"I will."

You trade stories by the campfire over the coming nights, delighting each other at first with epic tales of heroism, but later, when everyone has gone to bed, stories about home. Wyll began to confide in you, and you moved, night by night, from across the campfire, to to near one another, to painfully close, your hands only inches apart.

"This is... not how I expected my life to go."

"The pact or the tadpole?"

"Both."

"Are you disappointed?"

"In some ways, yes. But it brought me to you."

His hand moves, only a little bit, but it finally, finally covers yours.

"I would have liked to do this all the proper way. Wining and dining, and courting and whatnot."

"As if anything about this situation is proper."

He considers for a moment. "You're right. But you deserve the world. I can at least give you this."

He leans down to kiss you, and both of you tumble backwards.

If the others notice your tent is unoccupied and Wyll's is a little full, they don't say anything.

Well, one of them noticed.

Gale was... more complicated. He was pompous, arrogant, and brilliant enough to almost justify his hubris. The two of you clashed often. Sometimes over important things, which routes to take and who to trust, but just as often over petty nonsense, the shape of clouds and how much spice should be used in the soup. The wizard was stubborn, but had clearly not spent much time around dwarves, who have honed stubbornness into an art form.

Gale backs down. Again and again.

To his surprise, Gale finds himself happy to do so. He finds himself troublingly enamoured of the particular expression you make when you win an argument, your eyes glinting.

At some point, it changed from arguments to a game, a private jest between the two of you. Not that you'd let anyone know, not even Wyll. And he certainly didn't annoy you any less.

"If you'd put on some decent armour, you wouldn't be injured as often!"

"I can't wear armour, I can't cast in armour!"

"If your stubbornness gets you killed, it's on your head!"

"And if your constant whinging about the state of my defenses causes the orb to combust, it's on all of our heads!"

"Fine!" You storm away.

"Fine!" Gale calls after you, red in the face.

And Wyll just smiles.

"He drives me mad!"

"Mhmm." Wyll runs his fingers through your beard, comb in hand and a lot of oil nearby, as you rant, hours later, in the privacy of his tent.

"Have you met a more stuck-up, boar-headed man anywhere?"

"Mhmm."

"He won't shut up!"

"Is this about the arguing, or something else?"

"I- What do you mean by that?" You narrow your eyes.

"You wouldn't be this worked up if he only drove you mad. You would have simply punched him, and left him in a ditch."

"I concede that. But what are you implying?"

He leans down to kiss your forehead. "Just know, whatever your feelings for anyone otherwise, I love you."

You hold his jaw, turning his face towards yours. “Are you… do you like Gale?”

“I've had my moments, he has his charms. Are you… uncomfortable with that? If it hurts what we have-”

“The concept of multiple partners, no, but… Gale!?” You sputter. And try desperately not ot think of Wyll kissing Gale no not thinking of that not at all–

Wyll playfully tugs your beard. “Alright, lover-boy, whatever you say.”

“I’m not…”

You realize you have no real defense. Wyll saw right through you, and while that usually made him even more of a delightful lover, in this instance you merely huffed and roll into your blankets.

You toss and turn all night.

In the morning, you storm up to Gale as he cooks. "It smells delicious."

"Well if it's not- what?"

"It smells delicious. You're a good cook."

Shadowheart's mouth falls open, and Astarion chokes.

Gale considers for a long moment. "...Thank you."

"And if you can't wear armour, you should stand behind me."

And then you leave.

It turns out, when Gale stands behind you, he feels much safer. Not to mention, he can admire the view.

The newly brokered peace between you is tenuous, but in the silence where you're no longer shouting, something else blooms. Gale begins to ask about your life underground, and you ask about his magical studies, carefully avoiding the subject of Mystra. It's not that you have any particular interest in the arcane arts, but the way his face illuminates and his gaze becomes distant but intense, it endears you.

You kneel by the river with him, washing pots and pans after dinner. He takes a sharp breath in. And then he says it.

"I love you."

"... I'm sorry?"

"Shit. That... wasn't how I meant to say that." He scrambles to his feet and looks as though he's about to flee into the brush.

"I'm not-"

"I don't..." Gale sighs and runs a hand over his face. "I can't ruin what you have with Wyll. I won't do that to him, or to you. If you don't feel the way I do, I'll never speak of it again. But you should know that I admire you beyond words." He takes a steadying breath. "I admire you, and adore you, and even as you infuriate me, I can't help but love you. Desperately. But I understand that you're not free."

You ball the front of his robes in your fist and pull him down to your level. "Kiss me, idiot."

"What about Wyll?"

"Oh, don't stop on my account."

Wyll is leaned against a nearby tree, goblet in hand. "I can't think of a better sight than the two of you."

You wrap your arms around Gale's shoulders and pull him in for a kiss. You hear Wyll's footsteps, and he's suddenly on his knees behind you.

Gale pulls back, gasping, his mouth falling open and shut. “I…both? Both is good? I can… both?”

It doesn't surprise you that Mystra was too jealous to require anything but monogamy from her chosen, but there’s still a flicker of some protective emotion as you watch Gale grapple with his feelings. “You don’t need to commit to anything now. Or ever.”

He takes a deep breath. “I have more than one burning fuse on the end of my life. I’m not giving this up. Not for anything.”

The speed with which he hauled both you and Wyll to his tent is startling. You didn't think the wizard was athletic in any capacity, but he seemed determined to prove you wrong.

The next morning, as you passed Astarion, he glanced up at you. “So. Are the three of you investing in a bigger tent? You’ll be a circus before long.”

You throw a sausage at him, but make a mental note to search for roomier lodging.

#wyll ravengard #wyll x tav #baldurs gate 3 #gale dekarios #gale x tav #bg3 gale #bg3 wyll #male tav #bg3 x male reader

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morningmask27 · 8 months ago

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Ivypool's heart rant under the cut lol

WHISTLEPAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAW, my little Whis is important, WHISTLEPAW is a big part of the story (hopefully). Oh boy, I hope they won't do Whis too wrong with this book or I'll go fight the Erins myself.

this little scene was very funny to me. Whistlepaw is a shit fighter confirmed

we also get descriptions for the new children, FINALLY. Don't think anyone expected Branchkit to be fully white, but the Erins like being chaotic with their pelt colors, so whatevz. I've already played with fully white kits in this family, Branchkit is deaf now.

Anyways, I am pretty okay with Ivypool and Rootspring hanging out to mourn Bristlefrost. It's touching in a way that they bond over this shared grief (also impressed they mentioned Antpelt. They do remember things from time to time. Impressive)

The way they made Wrenflight have a crush on Rootspring does annoy me just a bit. Crush shenanigans will obviously annoy me personally more, but they truly couldn't find anything better to do and they had to make A Girl fall for Root? (Also I don't know my SkyClan family tree that well surprisingly enough, so I don't have the ability to immediately say if these two are closely related. It seems okay, but who knows). They also made her a

whoopsies </3

However I truly don't feel like Ivypool should be deputy at all in such a situation. It's stated multiple times that she hasn't done a good job at her tasks or even Be On Time and I do wonder why Squirrelstar never immediately choose Cinderheart to be her deputy (also girlpower <3). I am slightly aggravated with Ivypool's worries that she'd be replaced on the long term by Cinder, who in two phrases looks to be such a better deputy than Ivy, so that weird entitlement was a bit annoying tbh. Hope it gets addressed, but I assume it won't.

Fernsong is a nothing character and that doesn't change all that much. He's ~moved on~ with Bristlefrost's death and it does characterize him a bit, but goddamn I didn't know who I found more annoying when he and Ivy were talking. Thriftear and Flipclaw look like they'll be completely forgotten by the story after their one Obligatory Scene and it's a bit disappointing. Fernsong did mention multiple times specifically taking care of the kits, but in such vague terms that it just sounds stupid. Why are the Erins still so wishy-washy about having Fern live up to his earlier promise?

God, just get a divorce if you're not going to talk at this point. Wdym The Father of the kit you just lost doesn't understand the grief you're going through. Okay he's a cardboard made to feel whatever's necessary, but still, this is dumb

*chanting* divorce divorce divorce divorce

Anywaaaaaaays. Harestar gets one emergency gathering, as a treat <3

That was Whistlepaw's little sister, so obviously that would be traumatic (I will bite the Erins if they forget in the rest of the book) and

Whistlepaw does not like public speaking. Whis already had a same-ish reaction last time in Thunder when lying about Frostpaw's death, so this is a funky character trait.

Anyways, Whis <3 (they also don't let Whis finish explaining that damned dream. Constantly interrupting with useless comments. Goddamnit, you don't help a cat that doesn't like public speaking already by constantly speaking up and stopping the story)

And as I yelled in another post, Cloverfoot gets a few good lines here. Not a lot, but she's rational

Whistlepaw gets two free mom's

I find the group of cats so funny to. Ivypool, deputy of ThunderClan and hero of the dark forest, Dovewing, one of The Three super powered cats that saved the Clans, Rootspring, light in the mist, helped to defeat Ashfur and has sister powers, Icewing (joins a bit later), senior warrior of RiverClan, trained in the dark forest too and then there's Whistlepaw, apprentice with a dream. (This will make for a funny daily Whis drawing lol)

#morningtalks #warrior cats #asc spoilers #Ivypool's heart spoilers #Love my silly kitty

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littedidyouknow · 8 days ago

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Ugly crying after reading you gave me my name (came for the empyrean fics and now im making my way through the acotar ones now) how do you write so beautifully and make me feel all of these things!!!!!!

Hiii!! First of all I am very sorry for the ugly crying 🥺 this fic is def not a very happy one BUT it has some hope and joy in a quiet way and will have a happy ending. It’s probably the angstiest thing I will ever write but I hold it very dear to my heart and hope you liked it anyway!! ❤️‍🩹

Secondly, ok LOOK I know it was probably a rhetorical question but truly I’ve been wondering the same thing for a while lmao so let me share my thoughts. Buckle up bc this has turned out way too long and personal but oh well.

A lot of people tell me that my writing is making them feel *a lot* of things and I honestly? don’t know? how? why? wth?

The first few times I was told I thought people just related to what was happening in particular in the fic but it has just happened again and again so I had to take a step back and think about it.

I write as I feel (or as I imagine someone in a certain situation would feel). I’ve said this before but I’ve always felt a little too much, too strongly, too deep for everyone and anyone. The beginning of this is probably the most personal / relatable (to me) thing I’ve ever written. I’m someone who will strongly feel angry if I witness something unfair and can do nothing about it, someone who will cry easily just by hearing the *emotions* in someone else’s voice no matter what they are saying, someone who will empathize and always try to understand someone else before ranting about them. That’s my biggest weakness but sometimes my greatest strength too, I believe.

Anyways I guess that translates on page. Also pain is strangely what comes the easiest for me to write. Go figure. Idk what that says about me and am not near ready to delve into it right now.

But I also realize that when I’m writing, the feelings and emotions are what I really focus on. You’ve probably noticed in my fics that the emphasis is rarely put on the settings (I could really improve my descriptions actually aha) or even on the plot, but that’s because I spend a lot of time writing what happens in the character’s heads. If I write descriptions, that will most probably be bc the setting has an impact on the character’s feelings too, which I find amusing to play with. Just like ourselves, they are biaised by their inner self, inner perspective, their past, etc. Emotions are not always (read: never) rational and that’s what makes it relatable most of the time.

An example of that is the first time Feyre is in Helion’s office in YGMMN (ch10 i think?)—I feel like describing his office would not have the same impact if is was purely disconnected from her feelings and I probably wouldn’t have mentioned what it looked like at all if it didn’t add to her character’s state of mind!

It’s the same thing when I write dialogues. In my fics you will rarely see long monologues without tags or without interceptions in the middle to add what the character is doing or thinking or feeling. It may be awkward for some readers or come out as annoying, but when we speak, it’s never a long uninterrupted monologue—you might sigh, pause, roll your eyes, fidget, groan, chuckle, w h a t e v e r. But you’re doing something and I find that writing it down makes the scene very much more relatable and real.

Someone in the latest ch of YGMMN actually commented this :

The end at the cemetery yes it’s sad and heartbreaking and a turning point but you paint it so well that you forget you’re reading a story

And it’s funny bc it’s exactly what I’m trying to explain here. Feyre is alone at the beginning of that scene and talking to herself (the grave) BUT I didn’t write a full monologue and if I had I don’t think it would have hit as it did. I actually rewrote this scene several times bc I thought there was too much talking without interruption and it didn’t feel right to me.

All in all, and without really realizing it at first, my main focus when i write is on the characters and whatever they are feeling in that instant. It drives them to act however they act in the fics and to perceive everything around them and I guess it explains the way people feel when they read my fics.

ALL THIS TO SAY (and very sorry for the rambling lol). Thank you so much for your ask!! It’s so sweet to read and knowing you liked my empyrean fics enough to make your way through the rest makes me *so* very happy.

Knowing you’ve read YGMMN is also very special to me because it’s not my most popular fic but I personally love it and I think it’s turning into my favorite thing I’ve ever written actually, no matter how angsty.

Writing (along with my mental health) has been a little struggle with lots of ups and downs since the new year and this kind of feedback fuels my mind and my heart like nothing else does so thank you ❤️🫶

#ask #real life sophie #writblr

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rev-wrath · 10 months ago

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I am feeling thinfs about Jason Todd, beloved. + immediately thought of u so here I am. And I might be a little tipsy rn which makes me more emotional than normal but!!! I came across the knowledge that Jay's death was a community vote??? Like imagine that.

Your life and your death is decided upon you by entities beyond your comprehension. It alters your relationship with you pseudo-father, your brother, and everyone around you. You die because some readers thought you were annoying. You were a funny lil kid who annoyed these higher entities by being yourself and a child. You were a kid that strived to meet the expectations of the man who adopted you. You liked learning things and school. You were a child. You die and Batman can't do anything about it. Because it was prewritten. It was against your will and his, but it happened anyway, and it will always happen. Was it truly the Joker that killed you? Or was he a vessel for these higher entities to kill you? Did you really die at the hands of a maniacal clown or was it something else entirely? You don't know. Not really. You died, and you came back. Why? Because the higher entities thought that maybe they made a mistake? Maybe because they realised they were being cruel? It doesn't matter because you died. And you came back. Not as the naive child as before, but as something more bitter. more cynical. Something about destiny and shakespearan tragedy but my thoughts are a little scattered at the moment.

That was a bit of a meta-rant, but I've been feeling things for Jason and I can't wait to write him in the fic (even tho it'll take a while to get to him)

Hello to you too. Love that I’m now your go-to for DC. Yes, Jason’s death was a community vote. People called in to vote, multiple votes were allowed. People hated him for taking up the mantle and quickly after his death kids would send in letters mourning Jason, asking why he died. There should be an issue coming out of what would have happened had he been saved. The direct wording, interestingly enough, also included “Joker succeeds” and “Joker fails” as you question if Joker is truly at fault.

He came back a writer wanted to do something big and bring back a dead character so now we have Red Hood. He was a good kid, one that believed in magic, not because he knew it was real, but because he could feel it. I feel like if Jason ever became aware of this knowledge, like one of a fourth wall break or something, it would break him. He is truly some Shakespearean tragedy. Or maybe a Greek one.

Anyways can’t wait to see you write him, and the others. I will get around to responding to the message I sent you, currently not feeling that well.

#reed answers #my beloved rael

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cathumanthing2 · 2 years ago

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Roseblings Chatfic AU Chapter 8

(TW: Implied/referenced injury, implied/referenced child abuse)

hopeless romantics

1:34 PM

elsa boi added Katherine Elizabeth to the groupchat

Katherine Elizabeth: what.

Shroom: Oh hi katherine!

elsa boi: I apologize to the groupchat for adding one of the braincells into the group but it was urgent

elsa boi: the gays were being oblivious

elsa boi: i had to act

simp for elves: fair. Anyways, i have a date with xorny i need to get to so bye

elsa boi: …YOU CANT BE DATiNG MY SIBLINg

simp for elves: but i am :3

engineer salmon: joey, please dont ever use that face ever again

engineer salmon: it feels wrong to see you use it

simp for elves: why :3

Shroom: im going to cry

Katherine Elizabeth: Nooo don't cryyyy :(

Shroom: ok I won't i dont want to make you cry :(

elsa boi: im starting to regret bringing katherine into the mix

magic bitches

2:02

tech wizard: gem gem gem gem gem gem gem gem gem gem gem

actual wizard: Shat.

actual wizard: Oh shoot no-

actual wizard: *what

blood sheep man: Shat.

actual wizard: Shushhhhhhh

tech wizard: gem do you wanna go see that one new version of the mermaid movie i hated when we were yougner

actual wizard: fWhip i have too much work to do-

tech wizard: gem, the last day of school was at least a week ago

tech wizard: what work

actual wizard: 1. Summer reading, 2. An essay competition, 3. Tutoring people in a few subjects, 4. Honing my magic skills and expanding my knowledge, 5. My actual job

tech wizard: not all of that has to be done right now. Gem. please

actual wizard: I'm sorry i cant i just

actual wizard: theres too much and its better to get it done sooner than later

tech wizard: ok thats fine

mushrooms and plants belong together because they are besties :D

2:25

Shub :D: Katherine why were you added to the simp chat?

Kath <3: Oh, scott asked me if i had a crush(which i dont) and i told him i didnt but i found this one person to be cute, and then ranted about why they were cute, and now I'm stuck in that groupchat i guess!

Kath <3: Why're you there?

Shub :D: i told him about my crush and he decided that i was a, and i quote, "useless sapphic who needs to get her shit together" and added me to the gc

Kath <3: Dang.

Kath <3: If you wouldn't mind telling me, who do you have a crush on? /nf

Shub :D: Oh i don't really want to tell, don't want it getting out to them, ya know?

Kath <3: Ok, I'll try to remember that :)/gen

Ice elf + literal plant

2:34

literal plant: Scott, you keep saying im a simp but i dont even know what a crush feels like

literal plant: so i was wondering

literal plant: What does a crush feel like? /genq

Ice elf: A simple rule i follow to make sure i really have a crush on someone is asking myself a series of questions

Ice elf: if the answer is mostly yesses, most likely a crush

Ice elf: and i assure you

Ice elf: I myself am a simp and you are showing clear signs of the gayness

literal plant: …ITS NOT MY FAULT SHE'S ALL MUSROOM-Y AND CUTE AND FUNNY AND HER VOICE SOUNDS NICE ITS ALL AESTHETIC ATTRACTION RIGHT??

Ice elf: oh no…. You're further gone than I thought….

hopeless romantics

2:40 pm

elsa boi changed Katherine Elizabeth 's name to mushroom lover

mushroom lover: scott i will murder you. Im serious.

elsa boi: chill. Everyone here is oblivious. No one'll understand it.

Shroom: I thought i was the ultimate mushroom lover D:

elsa boi: See?

engineer salmon: …I'm going to cry this is both beautiful and annoying at the same time

mushroom lover: So everyone is seriously oblivious? No one'll understand it?

polyamorous bisexual idiot: pretty much

mushroom lover: I don't know if I truly like them like that but Scott says im a simp, and they have the cutest voice, and her hair looks so fluffy, and their eyes are so, so bright and beautiful, and they have these little freckles on their button nose that I just want to bop, and she's so funny and kind and nice and I just don't want her to be sad because she doesn't deserve to be sad, and I just love how much light they bring everywhere

Shroom: Yeah, you like them. I feel a similar way about my crush.

elsa boi: Ohhhh my goshhhhhhhhhhhh-

engineer salmon: *facepalm*

Roseblings :D

3:05

Tnt deer: Gem, are you ok? You've been really distant lately, it's starting to get concerning.

Magic deer: I'm fine, just busy! Don't worry about me!

Tnt deer: Ok, sure.

fWhip set down his phone and sighed.

When fWhip was younger, Gem was strong.

And she still is. She always will be. But her strength is ebbing away, fading, and she's exhausted all the time.

She was hurting, and putting piles and piles of weight on top of herself, and bending and breaking. And fWhip didn't know what to do, she was the strong one, wasn't she?

fWhip huddled up near the wall, eyes black and blue, a small cut on his upper lip, head throbbing in pain, and a sob choked its way out of his throat. He flinched as something touched his face, expecting another blow, but instead his chin was gently cradled as soft thumbs wiped away his tears.

He opened his eyes to see a familiar freckled face littered with bruises, her usually neat orange hair messy, her eyes watering, and he threw his arms around her for comfort.

She gave him a shaky smile. "It's ok, they're done. It's fine. We can do this, we're strong." she reassured him.

"Gem, I'm scared, they were really angry this time," his voice was muffled by her clothes.

Gem hugged him closer, sniffling. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry I couldn't protect you this time…"

She murmured a simple spell under her breath, which caused some of his bruises to lighten slightly, as they started healing.

fWhip had heard crying from her bedroom later that night.

#roseblings chatfic au #roseblings #geminitay #fwhip #nature wives #empires smp season 1 #empiresblr #empires smp #fanfiction #fanfic #chat fic

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zyiainwinter · 7 months ago

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Hi!! So this is a rant and a vent and really just everywhere so you don't have to read at all. If you do or don't just know that I love you!

[this shit is genuinely just a ramble. I've got so much on my mind]

Anyway... My birthday is in 6 days, I'm turning 16 and “You shouldn't put your age on the Internet” [Shrug].

I feel like my life is genuinely going to mean nothing, like that's not a problem to others but to me it is. With the way I grew up I feel like I have to be important but it's so hard.

I have this urge, this stupid thought that I've got something I need to do in my life but I don't know what it is and it definitely won't matter. That's the truth. It's so annoying. I have so many dreams but I'm not talented and I know this.

Yes I can draw - It's not good enough

Yes I can write - It's not good enough

I'm not pretty, I'm not smart enough, I can sing but I'm not good enough to be anything, if I tried I could possibly act but again I'm not good enough. Sure all of these insecurities are probably my fault and I should get over them but it's so hard.

I could've been talented I really could've but I've gotten to a point in my life, unfortunately, where I can't. I could try and apply myself but it won't help.

I had something going for me at some point. I was in band. I guess I was good and even if I wasn't , I had a purpose. I quit because it got to be too much. I've had to go through so much in my life while still being able to attend practices and be there.

Sure the performances were worth it, the feeling of accomplishment was worth it, it was worth it to hear the place we got and jump around excited, and absolutely house a whole bunch of junk food but at the end of the day I was exhausted and the finances were too much for my mom while everything was going on so I quit.

I only went to one performance to watch my friends perform and the moment I heard the intro I was done for. I've never actually had to leave something because I was like an actual sobbing mess but I did that night. It was like a realization that I didn't matter without band.

Now however...that changed. I love band and it's the biggest part of me but I couldn't do it again. I realized now that I couldn't handle it again. I had every right not to like the people I didn't like. I didn't like one of the directors, a kid in my section made me...UGHHHH, it truly was exhausting, and I'm absolutely not built for that.

I'm doing theater my junior year but maybe this'll be better and I'll feel better about myself.

Okay because that was random here's my real problem. I want to do so much with my life but at the end of the day I feel like I'm just gonna end up being the living embodiment of Jobless Monday by Mitski. I know dwelling on these thoughts are practically manifesting it but what the hell else am I supposed to do? I have no help and can't get any. Fuck insurance because why is it cheaper for me to just sit and suffer? whatever anyway.

Take some of my favorite songs.

#a penny for my thoughts𖦹ʚ♡ɞ #tw: vent #ramble ramble ramble #i feel like God was just mixing dramas together to get my family life cause wtf is this? let me start over(just kidding love my friends)#but it's okay cause i got friends and a girlfriend who i love(and my mom)#Spotify

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choccyhearts · 2 years ago

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ooookay, im gonna rant rq so feel free to scroll past...

but im getting so sick of the under appreciation for Argyle and his character

i haven't written a tooon of argyle-centric fics but when i do post things for him they underperform greatly compared to my eddie and steve stuff

none of my argyle works have ever surpassed 100 notes but one of my eddie imagines is nearing 1k (and thank u for that truly) but i just started posting steve stuff and even that has gotten more love than argyle

i understand if he isn't some people's cup of tea, that's totally okay

but....lowkey side-eye👀

i knew what i was getting into when i got into the st fandom but seeing it first-hand is genuinely upsetting/annoying

and this hits especially hard for me because i am also a person of color, so ofc i'm gonna hype up argyle (plus he's epic anyways) but this just makes me want to stop writing eddie/steve stuff entirely until i see more love for my argyle stuff (which will likely not happen, ik)

like ik some of you are chill and it isn't anything personal or weird, but i hope ya'll understand where i'm coming from and ik others on here feel the same

so yeah, i just wanted to post this because i'm so sick of posting argyle works that i'm excited about and then feeling insecure and upset towards my writing when they don't do as well as my eddie/steve stuff

also, i'm not trying to sound ungrateful for the appreciation for my works that i do get, it truly means a lot to me since this is a fun hobby for me and i do see every comment/reblog and every like makes my day better, but i just needed to get this off my chest

anyways, spring break is nearing so i hope to have more stuff out soon, i have lots of ideas and few ongoing series ideas that i want to start

ok, thanks for reading all of this if u did <3

#argyle #argyle x reader #argyle stranger things #stranger things #st4 #eddie munson #eddie stranger things #steve harrington #steve stranger things

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phantom-miria · 2 years ago

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Omg, yes i agree with everthing you said! I really don't necessary think that most people hate on f!robin just because they're misogynistic, they're most likely just other queer people that are feeling "vindacted" that IS finally acknowledging m!chrobin (and like, I get it! IS has a horrible track when it comes to mlm rep, the fact that m!chrobin isn't a thing in canon and the way they handled the queer male options in 3H is super annoying so I do sympathise with them a lot!) I just wish they wouldn't discount their hatred on her? IS bullshit and homophobia is not her fault?

And yeah, we have this amazing high fantasy world full of dragons, magic and trime travel but queer people having a child is where people draw the line? And why do they feel the need to go on posts of people having fun to remind them that "it's not canon"? I swear that those people love to do that with queer ships, is so annoying. I had this terrible experience recently with some f!chrobin shippers and idk I just felt like they were disgusted at the ideia of Chrom being bi from the way they talked, I hated so much.

Anyway, I'm really sorry for the rant and for reminding you of all the fandom bullshit that you were trying to ignore. I'm just so tired of all of this and I feel like no matter what I say about this anywhere else, I will get called of something bad. You felt like a person that would understand where i was coming from and you did, thank you for your time and understanding! Have a good day/night.

I definitely agree - I see how we got here, and I have sympathy, but a lot of it dries up the longer I'm in fandom and I get worn down by people swerving all over the place to take it out on F!Robin or people who did enjoy what we got in canon, I think. And there's also been a weird narrative about her being favored, which I think is extremely untrue if you look at the history of their inclusion in Smash and the trailer, then the amiibo, then the Fates cameo, then Warriors, etc etc. He always gets the lion's share in crossover content and it's really fucking depressing to people who like her!

FEH was the only spot she really had anything "over" him (and even then it was uneven, with him being available at launch with a summoning movie while she was relegated to grail unit added later) and now after an admittedly big wait his legendary here, with a bunch of shippy hints and getting to be himself in his legendary, plus he got the duo I'd give my eyeteeth to have her in, etc. I really think he was always doing fine as far as official rep, and Engage DLC just came along to confirm the same old pattern of "when only one is picked for representing the character in a crossover, it's him". Officially he has historically done well outside of giving nods to shippinness with Chrom, so I think it is both great and understandable that people are so excited about it now. Of course it feels vindicating! But I don't see the reason to sneer at other fans for what they enjoy or their hopes or personal disappointment about a female avatar not being allowed to officially rep the character, lol.

I really can't understand why people see those fans celebrating and decide they have to ruin it. As if those fans aren't already accutely aware of the fact that it isn't canon in the original game. As if that isn't the reason they're so happy in the first place? It is truly such an unwarranted dick move.

I'm really sorry to hear about that recent experience, anon! I love bi Chrom with all my heart - unfortunately I don't talk about it so much because I am an OTPer who's ended up unfathomably annoyed about the male player character, so I only really end up engaging with ship content for him with a female character most of the time, and so functionally the fact that I headcanon him bi ends up not coming up super often. But I love that idea and am extremely attached to it. There are dozens of us! Dozens!! Especially as a queer woman. It's important to me that they are both bi in my head.

I'm unfortunately not surprised to hear that people reacted with disgust - I remember that from my days in DA fandom :( but it never gets easier. It just makes it feel like there's no real place, because the people who like the version you do suck, but if you don't like the other version as much and those people think you suck for liking the one you do, it's just kind of well...here I am, then. Lol.

No need to apologize, anon, I like talking about this kind of thing! I think I'm just worried that I've been spending too much time doing so recently and my friends are going to be absolutely sick of it, lol. And realistically it is better for me to spend less brainspace on people in fandom being shitty, probably? But I think it's good for you to hear that other people in fandom feel the same way and have problems with a lot of different corners, like you do. I hope you have a good night too! There are people out here who just want to ship and have a good time. It's not all bullshit, even if it feels like it sometimes, or even if you end up focusing on it a lot like me. <3

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terriluvss · 20 days ago

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I really hate the fanon versions of characters, they always miss the mark completely tbh and just aren’t who the real character is at all. Especially when it comes to shipping and you have to force the characters in a box that wasn’t made for them.

Like for example, fanon Lucy mischaracterises her a LOT. I saw a nalu comic where Natsu steals a heating pad from her, and she just goes all shy uwu timid girl “h-huh what? N-natsu what’re you d-doing isn’t this inappropriate?” is how she acted when Natsu used his hands as a heating pad instead.

And it’s like, no. That’s just now how Lucy’s character is at ALL. Are you guys forgetting she has an attitude? Did Lucy lay down and act all timid and scared when phantom lord kidnapped her? No! She literally kicked them in the groind and jumped out a WINDOW! From the top flower of some crazy tall tower. Or that time she stood up to the literal celestial spirit king, the man who has the power to take away her job. But she does anyway.

I HATE this submissive timid uwu im just a ball of sunshine Lucy that fanon perpetuates and Mashima has bought into it too completely changing who she used to be. I saw this one Christmas Omake panel that I’m too lazy to find where Lucy smiles when she becomes the master for the game (basically fairytail truth or dare) and she tells her dare with a bright smile something like “number 1 and number 5 have to shake hands” and like…

Lucy is just so much more than a smiling girl. I hate how mashima dumbs down all his characters because this doesn’t just happen to Lucy it’s every character! I think the old Lucy would be a lot more cheeky with her dare, but still keep it sweet because she is sweet and snarky! Where is her smug attitude, her zest for fun and humour? In the later series she’s just completely mellowed out and it’s really sad to see.

Fanon really wants to portray Lucy as this shy timid girl, and honestly Mashima has leaned into it especially in the final chapter but I will never forget who Lucy is supposed to be. This bright and bold girl with cheeky side but also isn’t afraid to be kind and wear her heart on her sleeve. Not this shy doormat who needs rescuing all the time. Even the way she dresses shows you the kind of person she is, bold big boots and a mini skirt with a jacket to match in chapter 1. She obviously isn’t afraid to look good. She isn’t afraid to be herself, it’s something she literally becomes homeless to do rather than changing to be some rich posh classy girl her father wants her to be.

And when Fanon gets rid of her feisty side I can’t help but feel annoyed, because it’s just like you guys are being like Jude. Wanting her to be this perfect princess, which she isn’t and she said herself she just wants to be accepted the way she is.

Just like here she literally tells you all what she wants, yet you guys are ignoring her. Just changing her character to fit your narratives. I know there is nothing wrong with being creative and expressing your imagination but just as you are allowed to be creatively free I am allowed to have my opinion on it. And my opinion is, let Lucy be Lucy. If you want a sunshine character, look at Wendy. She is the embodiment of the pure innocent sunshine trope. Lucy is definitely sunshine too, but she’s sunshine with sass. And that in my opinion, makes her character something I want to enjoy.

The lucy with sass, I miss truly. Sure she still has that fighting spirit, but it’s just not the same as early fairytail.

Thanks for reading my silly rant guys, it’s a bit over the place but I just like to write my thoughts down. I’m gonna make an analysis of fanon Natsu next. Then I will do Juvia. Who in my opinion has suffered the worst from this character assassination trope. The woman who used to be very compelling turned into just a love interest. Such a shame. But yeah thanks for reading <3

#fairytail rant #anti mashima #anti lucy heartfilia #but also not really anti lucy #because it’s more just pro OG lucy and anti new lucy

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roguestarsailor · 3 months ago

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ranting about how hard it truly is to talk to people out here!! and im just not in a good mood today

i might be just sad because my friends moved to nyc and i miss them and i feel very lonely right now! could also be the bad weather too?

i had lunch w head honcho + 2 other coworkers. we do this yearly and its suppose to be a chance for us to talk to someone we don't usually talk to. its a good idea but at this point im more bothered than anything and it feels like such a chore. the thing is i genuinely try to talk to everybody and meet them where i can!

head honcho is soooo difficult to talk to i swear. idk if he's got time to truly dislike me but i don't get the vibe that we're that chill. but anyways, talking to him is like pulling teeth i swear. he recently had twins and so i was trying to ask him questions about that to get him to talk with me! and he gives me like one sentence answers. he's not mean but it's soooooooooo fucken dry. then i'll try to talk about myself and he doesn't really respond!

during the lunch, one of my coworkers was talking about how during thanksgiving his family makes paella every year and he's unsure why they do that and i was like oh i love paella, that's my goal one day to make it. and then everyone, mostly head honcho who was like oh its so easy just do it and i was like but i need to buy the pan and then hes like just buy the pan its everywhere; it's not that difficult. which ok yeah its true if you break it down step by step and theres an abundant places to buy the pan and get the ingredients and i feel like i have to defend myself. when i say these things i dont mean i physically can't do it it means i don't have the energy to do that in the present moment and it's just something i want to learn to do. i hate when they rag on me and make me feel dumb!

not a single question was ask to me and it was just boys talking to boys. its not like sports or anything but just like work talk, sales, and regular family things especially since thanksgiving is coming up. and i just felt ready to leave. it was so unfulfilling and it wasn't conversation that i can jump in to say anything useful. its so annoying.

times like this is when i really need to figure out how to change my language. i speak and talk to people with the expectation that everyone is participating and open them to speak on their own experiences but maybe i do it so wrong that it makes everyone think i'm dumb and need help?? anyways, its the type of thing where i cant fake my way through. how does he have this so often and can't hold a conversation? or is that reserved for other people? i'd rather sit in silence!!!

i had dinner w another friend and it was also awful ok im being dramatic i think it was just surface level. i think if i have to repeatedly say "oh and look at us that's why we're still friends" i think its a bad sign. that dinner was purely her talking about herself and what she's been doing and how she's got all these people she's got to see and call and facetime and dinners and parties and all that. it's fun to see her be so active but the connection was not there. it was me asking questions and then the same thing that happened at the lunch happened here too. i was saying ugh i want to go shopping and i miss just being able to go. she immediately goes into problem solving mode and tells me oh just go shopping and then proposed we go shopping at this suburban mall where she also has a pizza event and i was like ok yes! this is great! but i am also like wait a minute, it's not even stores i want to shop at?? and she also goes oh i won't be shopping but you can and i dont like that because i don't want to be taken care of, come because you ALSO want to go shopping. you're not my chauffeur and i dont want you to be!

actually i wish people would stop trying to solve my problems. there are times when i ask and times when i am just complaining and ranting! and i want you to rant with me!!! i like when people just get what i mean! when i say ugh i hate that XYZ i'd prefer if they said yeah XYZ is annoying and when ABC happened to me i was just as mad. that's what im looking for. i'm not helpful but i am full of complaints and rants!

i feel like i need to fix my language...but i don't know how to hold a conversation well. i don't want it to be just purely statements. it should be interactive and shouldn't we all be trying to be in someone else's shoes as they speak?

anyways im not happy today. stupid russian man was in my brain today because he is interacting w that friend that moved to nyc's strava and im filled with jealousy and rage and on top of that, it's just so much of these surface level interactions and i am sick of them. absolutely sick of them. fighting my demons and loneliness and it was especially hard today.

#amandathoughts #just ranting

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losfacedevil · 1 year ago

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Hi Crystal, I think I sent this yesterday but I'm not sure if you've seen it, if I've sent it twice please just ignore, sorry for the inconvenience😬😬 anyways Here you go your long(ish?) anon message!!

I am still fairly new to the fandom and your blog is one of the very first I've came across and it brings me comfort everyday! We don't have a lot of interactions, I am just one of your many readers but your page feels like a safe space to me. I believe it is completely coincidence but your fics always come at the most appropriate timing! the most recent example being Sanctuary, I can't express how it just calms my nerves the right way when I was experiencing almost the same emotions as y/n in the fic that day and then boom! a josh hurt/comfort fic!🥺🥺🥺 like ma'am you don't understand!! And the way you master both fluff and smut (lol also sugar and spice as I like to call them) so well! Good Vibrations is so sexy!! one of the my go-to Jake fic hehehe....And I wait for the All My Love update every week, you always post it the day I have an assignment due, so I save it as a reward :D

and I love how you seem so passionate about every character you write, like one can really feel the writer's love upon reading them. I like how you have your little universe for Sophia and Sam. and I love it when you post saying you have a bad day, I know some people may feel vulnerable or afraid that they are being annoying when they post personal rant, but I like reading them, because it feels relatable, although we do not have the same problem, we all live in this nutso world and it feels good knowing that even some of our most talented writers also have bad days (or maybe it is a double sword, letting them delivering the most delicate emotions the most eloquent way but that also means extra sensitivity?🤔) anyway never feel sorry about those feelings, that's what makes us human. plus this is your blog, do whatever makes your heart happy!

wow this is really getting long, if you managed to make it here I just want to tell you that you are amazing, I love your writing, thank you for creating magic by channeling our imagination in comforting ways, thank you for creating a safe space for me, rock on!! sending much love <33

Hi Nonniebug! I think tumblr ate your first ask 😅. But thank you so much for your kind words! This was such a nice message to wake up to. Many of my fics are extremely self indulgent so there’s a good chance whatever is portrayed in the way of comfort in them is something I truly needed myself that day. We all have bad days and that’s okay! I am so so glad you enjoy my silly little writings and characters and that this mess I call a blog has become a safe space for you! I strive for it to be a safe place for all and a judgement free zone! Sending all my love, Nonniebug 🫶🏻

#my asks

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l8nitewriting · 1 year ago

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Some info before we start :)

Hi! So I made this account to be able to post my story ideas and random thoughts, I would've on twitter but I don't know how anything on twitter works and it keeps having problems with the writers I follow so I'm going to just stick with what I know and post my garbage here :)

I like to write for fun and for myself and thought I had some pretty good ideas every now and again and thought I could share them so that maybe I could inspire some talented artists and writers to do their thing.

I write some weird things, stuff that include :WARNING FOR TRIGGERS: Murder, assault (I don't glorify it in anyway and would like anyone who see's what I write in result of it to tell me if I did or said something wrong and I will adjust accordingly) Serial killers (fake ones based off of real ones that I will warn everyone of who and what) some offensive words but never anything racial seeing as I am a white woman and do not have any knowledge or experience with it and have no right to mention those words, offensive phrasings in the idea of a bad character and/or a messed up character is aiming to demean and hurt another character, drug use, graphic content such as how the characters died and what bodies are like after death, violence, and depressive idealisms and unhealthy ways of coping with them. I WILL tag and put the appropriate warnings before I post anything and again will take down anything that truly harms someone's well being because I never want to hurt anyone with my mindless writings. Also another warning is that I cuss a LOT! Like an absurd amount of cussing its almost annoying sometimes.

Another weird and possibly annoying thing I do is that I misspell a LOT. I love to write and do it quite often but I still can't spell things or most times don't make sense with my phrasings or meanings. I will include pictures, songs, poems and many other references to try and convey what I mean when I go off on a tangent.

Please feel free to expand on any idea I have, tag me in the work and I'd absolutely love to read and witness your work! It would be appreciated if y'all would offer KIND AND HELPFUL criticism in my writings or other ideas.

Thank you for taking the time to read my whole rant and I hope to make some new friends on here and make some memorable work here :)

#trigger warnings #literature #writerscommunity #intro post #hello tumblr

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frogtanii · 4 years ago

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iwaizumi was... overwhelmed, to say the least.

the past few days had been such a whirlwind of change that hajime could barely properly process, much less appropriately react to it all, so he behaved much like a zombie, saying yes when prompted, signing papers when told, and packing up what was his entire life for the past 11 months.

wow. iwaizumi collapsed on his bed as he scanned his now barren bedroom. he’d been here for almost a year and yet, all his belongings were in boxes within a couple of days.

hajime couldn’t keep the disbelieving chuckle from escaping his chest as he leaned back on his bed, dark brown eyes trained on the ceiling.

it felt like he’d spent such a large chunk of his life trapped in this house, under the foot of the woman who he thought he’d marry but in reality, he’d been in little leagues longer than he’d been in love.

iwaizumi scoffed and rolled his eyes. yeah, “in love”. it’d been about a week since his whole life started to unravel and he had hardly seen, let alone spoken to meiko throughout that entire time.

over text, she’d sworn up and down that she loved and cared about him but as she passed by him packing his things a few days ago, she’d barely spared him a second glance.

hajime wasn’t going to lie. it hurt. he’d opened his heart up to her, something he didn’t do easily, and she’d taken his trust and used it to twist him into her weapon.

he always believed he was stronger than this — he’d never forget his mother telling him so when he was younger. he had fallen and scraped his knee yet he refused to cry to keep from upsetting his mom. iwaizumi existed to live up to what his mother thought of him but here he was, completely enveloped in meiko’s shit, doing her dirty work and following her bidding like some mutt.

god, toorū was right. he really was her bitch.

“i could hear you thinking from down the hall, iwa-chan.” speak of the devil...

oikawa stood at his doorway, leaning against the frame with a posture that seemed relaxed at first glance but if you looked a little closer, you’d notice the tenseness in his shoulders and the tightness of his smile.

hajime quickly sat up on his bed before motioning for his old friend to enter. “uh, yeah,” he began, his voice cracking a little from disuse, “i have a lot to think about.”

the light haired brunette let out an understanding hum before wandering into the room, sharp observant eyes darting to look at all the empty walls. “looks like you’re all packed.”

“pretty much,” iwaizumi nodded before the room fell into an awkward silence, the two childhood friends completely avoiding one another’s eyes.

“look, i-“

“iwa-chan, i’m-“

they both paused for a moment before bursting into laughter, the sound carrying into the hall and throughout the house.

hajime wiped a few stray tears from his eyes, shaking his head at their awkwardness. “you first, shittykawa.”

toorū gasped in halfhearted mock offense before quickly sobering up, training iwaizumi with a completely serious look. “i’m sorry and before you go on some bullshit, self sacrificing rant, you’re not the only one to blame for what happened to our friendship.”

he sighed while making his way to iwaizumi’s bed, sitting down gently beside him. “i should’ve known better, okay? i shouldn’t have let my jealousy and insecurities get in between us but i guess i got swept up in the attention, yknow? meiko is actually charming when she wants to be.”

iwaizumi nodded in agreement, knowing all too well how compelling meiko could be. the room fell into a more comfortable silence as both boys escaped into their thoughts, questions about the future of their friendship flitting throughout their minds.

“oh!” oikawa was pulled out of his own head at hajime’s exclamation, his eyes moving to observe his friend dig through his pockets to procure a thick white envelope. “here. i’d like you to give this yn.”

all toorū could do was nod, his brain short circuiting at the sight of iwaizumi’s apparent kindness to the woman he tormented for so long. “uh, what’s in it?” he ventured to ask, his soft hands toying with the sealed envelope flap.

a soft chuckle came from across the bed. “don’t be so nosy toorū, just give it to her, yeah?” oikawa rolled his eyes but obliged, the bed creaking as he stood to his feet.

“so... this is it, huh?” it was like the reality of the situation was just now sinking in — they hadn’t been close in a while but iwaizumi was still his best friend and he wasn’t quite ready to let him go.

they’d been through so much together, practically growing up together and now, they’d only see each other on holidays, if even then, and then he’d never be invited to hajime’s wedding as his best man as they’d planned and he also wouldn’t be the coolest uncle/godfather of iwa’s children and—

“fuck no,” hajime scoffed with a bright grin on his face. “thought you were gonna annoy me til the end of time shittykawa. don’t tell me you’re quitting your job now.”

the hidden meaning behind iwaizumi’s words brought tears to oikawa’s eyes and before he could stop himself, he launched his body into iwa’s arms. hajime hesitated, his hands stuttering at toorū’s sides as though he’d forgotten how to hug but the feeling passed, his arms winding around his friend’s lithe waist.

“‘m gonna miss you hajime,” oikawa’s voice came out as a broken whimper, his arms tightening around his shoulders.

iwaizumi hummed instead of responding, too afraid of his voice cracking under the weight of his emotions. they stood there for a moment but the honk of the moving truck outside signaled the both of them of their limited time.

hurriedly, oikawa wiped the tears off his cheeks before waving awkwardly at iwaizumi as he left the room with a friendly, “don’t be a stranger.”

and then he was gone.

toorū finally allowed himself to collapse into sobs on his best friends empty bed, his palms pressing into his eyes as he sat there and just let himself feel.

apparently, he wasn’t crying very quietly because it took only a few moments for you to find him, your soft footsteps alerting him to your presence. oikawa scrambled to wipe away what he knew was an unattractive mixture of tears and snot as you got closer.

you were one of the last people he wanted to see him like this.

“hey,” you whispered, standing a few feet away from him. “um, i know this is probably a bad time but i just wanted to thank you for apologizing? back at the awards show?”

toorū sniffed as he looked up at you with confusion written on his face. “what? you shouldn’t thank me for apologizing. ‘s common courtesy.”

you laughed softly, nodding in agreement. “well, not always. so, thank you.” finished with your piece and not too keen on lingering where you weren’t wanted, you moved towards the door but were swiftly stopped before you got there.

“um, here. it’s from iwa-chan.” you gaped at the thick envelope oikawa was handing you before taking it and opening it, a low curse falling from your lips.

inside the package was a dense wad of cash, more money than you’d seen in months. accompanied with it was a letter, written in beautifully loopy handwriting.

you shut it quickly before oikawa could see, stuffing the envelope deep within your pocket where you could access it alone in the depths of your room.

“do you wanna come eat? last i heard, bokuto and tsumu were doing a cooking competition and i’m sure it’ll be fun to watch.” you were severely thrown off by the money and letter but you were determined to show toorū that you’d accepted his apology and were on your way to making amends.

he gave you a shy nod and trailed behind you to the kitchen, the loud sounds of fire and screaming coming from down the hall. you wanted to focus on the fun and merriment but the envelope was practically burning a hole in your pocket.

later that night, you finally got the chance to open the letter and read it, your former manager’s words bringing tears to your eyes.

dear yn,

i’m probably the last person you expected to hear from. you probably didn’t want to hear from me at all if i’m being honest and i don’t blame you. i know there is nothing i can say that could make up for what i’ve done to you but i’d like to try.

i’m sorry. those words don’t nearly express in and of themselves how truly remorseful i am but they needed to be said. there’s no excuse for how i treated you — not meiko, not my stress, absolutely nothing.

you deserved my common decency and respect and i didn’t give that to you. instead, i abused my position and made your life hell. i’ll never forgive myself for that.

uh, i bet you’re wondering what the money is? i promise i’m not trying to pay you off, it’s just all the money i’ve denied you since you moved here. i have a lot of wrongs to right and this is one of them.

sorry, i’m not very good with words but i just wanted you to know that i’m very sorry for everything that i’ve done. and i’m in no place to make demands or anything but i just wanted to ask if you’d keep an eye on oikawa for me.

he’s strong but he’s also vulnerable. he might be a pain in my ass but he’s my best friend and since i can’t keep him from drowning, i was wondering if you’d do that - not for me but for him.

anyways, this letter is shit but i suppose you get the gist. use the money for whatever you want and if you’re as unselfish as i’ve heard, you don’t owe me anything. you don’t owe me money, kindness, or forgiveness.

take care of yourself,

iwaizumi hajime

℗ poker face

so... this is it

series masterlist

(●’◡’●)ﾉ

an - soooo m back :D hopefully this is the last of my mini hiatuses!! this chapter sucked to write but i’m not mad at how it turned out?? pls let me know how i did skjdkd don’t forget to feed me <3333

taglist - if your name is in bold, i cannot tag you

@boosyboo9206 • @geektastic84 • @elianetsantana • @trashy-simp • @infinitebells • @6mattsun9 • @suhkusa • @katsulovee • @kotarosbabygirl • @fucktheworlddude • @insomniacwreck • @calumsfringe • @saltylettuce • @chai-blu • @al3x1ss • @hawksyoongi • @syndellwins • @jooleuuh • @loubells • @kissungjae • @liberhoe • @tetsurocore • @animeoverdosee • @duhsies • @saikishairclip • @afire24 • @premiyagi • @kit-kat428 • @doctorspencereid • @daphnxy • @kyomihann • @maer-333 • @sinoflust19 • @peteunderoos • @peachiikichu • @iidanotlida • @yongboxerrr • @kac-chowsballs • @tanakaslastbraincell • @memorableminds • @risjime • @starry-magicshop • @sugavwara • @smuttyanimeslut • @kiwibirbs-library • @haijkk • @airybnb • @crybabygumi • @iwaisa • @decaffinatedtealover • @notameera • @kawaii-angelanne • @rintarovibes • @urlocalsimp

the rest of the tags will be in the replies!!

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