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krappykawa · 4 years ago

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fake dating headcanons with atsumu, oikawa, and kuroo

ANON ASKED: “hi i really like your writing 🥺🥺 could i request fake dating with atsumu, oikawa, and kuroo? like they told their teams that they have a girlfriend but they dont lmao so they ask one of their classmates to pretend to be their gf so the team can meet her? and they end up falling for her along the way :)) i look forward to reading more of ur works!! 💖”

atsumu x f!reader, oikawa x f!reader, kuroo x f!reader

genre. fluff

warnings. language

word count. 6.3k

note. DAMN this one got away from me ... 6.3k words for a headcanon post ...... sorry anon i’m not sure if you wanted a long post but i mean, here we are lol

note 2. had to repost because something was up with the tags lol i hope it works fine this time

ATSUMU.

- the team has a favorite twin and it’s osamu, we all know it

- one day after practice, the team finds out that one of the first-years managed to get a girlfriend

- most of the inarizaki vb team is single at that point in time so it starts a conversation about relationships

- somewhere in the conversation, aran says, “osamu, man. I can’t believe ya haven’t gotten a girlfriend yet. yer easily one of the best-looking people in the school.”

- osamu just shrugs, but atsumu’s like “huh??”

- “hey ‘samu and i have the same face. don’t cha mean that we’re some of the best-looking people in the school??”

- the guys in the locker room exchange glances

- aran‘s like “look, atsumu. don’t blow up on me or anything, but most girls don’t really want to date you.” (keep in mind that aran’s strictly speaking about the girls that aren’t a part of the miya twins fan club)

- “and why the hell not?”

- at this point, aran’s looking at literally everyone in the room and pleading with his eyes for help because he doesn’t want to start a fight with atsumu

- suna takes pity on aran and says, “hate to break it you, miya, but girls don’t want to date a guy who’s a massive asshole”

- now, atsumu could care less if the entire goddamn world thinks he’s an asshole, but it rubs him the wrong way that his teammates think that osamu’s a better catch than he is

- sibling rivalry pride or whatever

- so atsumu goes “i think my girlfriend would disagree because oh will ya look at that, she’s dating me!”

- he was most definitely not dating anyone

- osamu raises an eyebrow at him because to his knowledge, atsumu didn’t have a girlfriend

- “since when did you have a girlfriend?”

- osamu looks at atsumu with knowing eyes and smirks. “yeah sumu, who’s this girlfriend of yours? I don’t think i’ve met her yet.”

- atsumu knows he’s gotten himself in some deep shit

- but still he’s still full of pride, so he says, “i’ll bring her by to practice tomorrow.”

- now miya atsumu has a dilemma because there are some things he just shouldn’t lie about (because now he’ll never live it down if he can’t figure out a way to get himself out of this one)

- atsumu knows that he’s got that fanclub that would probably be more than willing to date him, but the thought of being in their presence for longer than two seconds makes his skin crawl because he doesn’t think he could handle the excessive screaming

- so that night he decides to go to the bakery down the street that he frequents because they have some of the best macarons in town

- you’re one of the bakers at that bakery that works the shift when he usually comes in for his weekly macarons so you two are acquainted

- you also go to inarizaki, so you hear the rumors that circulate around atsumu, but you don’t really pay much attention to them because he’s not that bad whenever he comes into the bakery

- like sometimes if he tries to only order 2 macarons but notices that there are only 5 macarons left, he’ll buy them all just to make your life easier

- when he comes in that day, he has this troubled look on his face. “hey y/n. can i just have my usual? oh and an iced matcha.”

- you like to keep tabs on your regulars and what they order, so when he orders an iced matcha, you know that something’s probably up (he never orders drinks from there because he said that his brother would kill him if he didn’t bring him home a drink too and having to carry the two drinks up to their apartment is hassle enough)

- you’re in the middle of making his drink when you decide to ask him what’s up “everything alright?”

- it’s almost time to close up and you two are the only two left so you figured you had time for small talk

- “i may have outright lied to my team about havin’ a girlfriend.”

- “you don’t?” that surprises you because so many girls at your school have a crush on the miya twins (you would know because your best friend is practically in love with osamu)

- when atsumu shakes his head dejectedly, you don’t quite understand what he’s so down for

- “you do know that there are like 50 girls that are practically lining up to date you right?”

- “yeah, but they’d expect a real relationship and i’m no good at those.”

- “why not?”

- “i’m too argumentative, let's just say, plus i’ve been told that i kinda come off as an asshole.”

- “and volleyball right?” you would know since he always comes into the bakery after a practice and he looks like he’s both dead and alive

- when you hand him his matcha and packet of macarons, he pauses

- “listen, don’t take this the wrong way but yer single right?”

- you almost smile to yourself because wow for a guy so attractive, his way with words isn’t great

- “i am.”

- he stands there for a good 20 seconds just looking at you with that look in his eyes that tells you that he’s trying to ask you something but he doesn’t know how to do it

- “you want me to act as your fake girlfriend don’t you?”

- cue atsumu chuckle @%EUTYDJBCJWER)*&# hhhhfs

- “ya know, i’m kinda seein’ why i get called an asshole all the time. it doesn’t sound as great when ya’ say it like that.”

- you agree to pretend to be his girlfriend, but on the condition that your best friend will be able to tag along if osamu’s gonna be there

- and that’s the start of it

- you visit his practice the next day before work and his team looks at you in surprise because they were 100% sure that having a girlfriend was just another one of atsumu’s lies

- they all kinda stare at you a little extra too because you’re really pretty

- “aye, get yer asses back to volleyball and stop starin’ at my girl like that.”

- you know it’s all fake, but him saying that kinda makes you blush anyways

- when you first agreed to fake dating him, you weren’t expecting that you’d have to spend too much time with him (he did tell you that he wasn’t looking for a real relationship) but that changes because osamu’s insistent that atsumu should at least try to be a good boyfriend and eat lunch with you and stuff

- you’re both aware that osamu doesn’t buy your little arrangement one bit

- atsumu’s got this raging pride when it comes to his twin brother, so he actually listens because now he’s made it his personal mission to convince osamu that you and him are actually dating

- it takes a while for you two to get into the hang of it, but once you do, it’s like a regular routine

- you and your best friend eat lunch with the twins (you and atsumu both watch as your best friend fumbles her way into talking with osamu), you drop by before work to give atsumu a kiss on the cheek before practice, he drops by the bakery after practice nearly everyday, and you come to his games while wearing a jersey that he lent you

- his teammates like you a lot and tease atsumu all the time because they claim that you’re way too good for him

- surprisingly, he always gets a little protective when they say things like that and always slips an arm around your waist

- one day when you’re over at his apartment, you help atsumu learn how to make macarons (with some help from osamu)

- it takes a while because he would get mad at the macarons when they would come out in weird shapes

- “stupid macarons! they got it out for me i’m tellin’ ya! they’re being like that on purpose!”

- LITERALLY A CHILD

- you learn to like that about him though

- dates with him are usually on the weekends (you both drag osamu and your best friend out with you) and it’s always something fun that osamu suggests because atsumu wasn’t joking when he said he sucks at real relationships

- most of these dates consist of holding hands as you walk around the streets until osamu sees a restaurant he wants to try out

- he always insists on feeding you at least once in your meal

- he also loves doing the walrus-chopsticks face?? (he only started doing it because he liked hearing you laugh)

- as time passes, you two start going on dates without osamu and your best friend (atsumu always claims that it’s because he wants to show osamu up, but you start to notice that osamu doesn’t even find out about these dates most of the time)

- you secretly like these dates better than those with osamu and your best friend because atsumu feels more at ease and will develop a softer tone around you during these dates

- eventually, he starts to always greet you with a forehead kiss whenever you’re in public (you’re not sure if he does it just because his brother is watching, or if maybe he might be starting to like you)

- you try to make your brain forget that most of the time, he kisses your forehead before osamu even walks in

- one day after practice, you’re waiting for him because you didn’t have a shift at the bakery that day

- he walks out of the club room looking mildly pissed and you’re a little wary

- but then he gets to where you’re standing and just pulls your waist towards him and full on kisses you

- mind you, this is your first kiss on the lips with him

- it’s not a quick peck either, like you can hear the wolf whistles from his teammates in the back and you’re left breathing hard and flushed pink afterwards

- damn if that’s what his kisses are like, you suddenly wish he’d do it more often

- “what was that for?”

- “nothin’”

- sometime in the future you find out that he did that because his teammates were once again talking about your relationship and one of them joked that atsumu paid you to pretend to be his girlfriend

- he knew that what you had wasn’t necessarily real, but he just had the urge to kiss you then (he swears to you that he doesn’t know why)

- he does know why. it was because it was starting to slip his mind that your relationship was fake and the reminder made him a little mad at himself

- he realizes that maybe he’s fallen in love with you when osamu brings it up

- atsumu had asked for osamu’s help because he wanted to surprise you by making you mochis for your upcoming four month anniversary of being his fake girlfriend (typing this out was so funny, this man is so whipped he doesn’t know it)

- “ya know, when i first met y/n, i was sure that it was all fake and that you’d slip up about it one day. i guess i was wrong.”

- atsumu doesn’t say anything to that because in his head he’s trying to convince himself that “no. this is all still fake.” but it’s hard to convince himself of that when his hands are covered in the rice flower that he’s using to make your favorite dessert for your four months of faking being together

- he tries not to think about what osamu said when he gives you the gifts later that night

- he tries not to think about it when he gets that funny feeling that he’s been feeling for a while now when he sees the way you light up upon opening the box of mochis

- he most definitely tries not to think about it when you accidentally give him your second kiss of the relationship because you were caught up in the spur of the moment

- it’s on the way home back to his apartment that night that he realizes he’s fucked

- because good god he’s fallen for you

- he tries to break it off after that

- you’re confused at how sudden it is, but you let him break it off because at that point you’re already in love with him and are still too scared to say it because you keep remembering how he always said that he didn’t want a real relationship

- IDIOTS IN LOVE YOU'RE BOTH SO .

- he tries to go back to normal after that

- but for the love of everything he just . can’t

- his eyes always linger a little too long on the door right before practice because you would always come see him before going to work

- his feet would instinctively move in the direction of the bakery after practices until he realizes what he’s doing and forces himself to go home

- his eyes would scan for your figure wearing his jersey during games until he remembers that you probably weren’t there and that you most definitely wouldn’t be wearing his jersey

- he wants to kick himself because the reason he asked you to be his fake girlfriend in the first place was because he didn’t want a real relationship

- yet here he was. wallowing because if there’s anything more he wants, it’s a real relationship with you

- osamu gets fed up with him eventually

- “take yer ass to the bakery right after practice. i’m not letting you into the apartment until you see her.”

- and surprisingly, he actually listens to his twin brother

- he walks into the bakery for the first time in a while and says “hey y/n. can i just have my usual? oh and an iced matcha.”

- you look up at him then because you vividly remember that night. how could you not?

- you’re in the middle of making his drink when you decide to ask him what’s up “everything alright?”

- “i may have outright lied to myself about loving you.”

- you nearly drop the drink in your hands

- “‘tsumu? what are you on about?”

- “i know i said that i’m no good at real relationships. but i’ve found that i want to learn to be good.”

- a pause

- “i want to learn with ya.”

OIKAWA.

- this poor boy is always the butt of the jokes that come from his team

- seriously though. it’s always “tease oikawa day” (he teases them back so it’s all good)

- but one day, they’re all in the locker room when hanamaki brings up this girl that he’s planning on asking out because he’s not sure how to do it

- oikawa, being the little shit that he is, goes “step one, makki. have my face. step two, have my amazing personality. step three, ask her out.”

- he barely ducks in time to miss the shoe that comes flying towards his head

- “makki! such unbecoming behavior! my advice is perfect!”

- matsukawa snorts and says “perfect advice my ass. you can’t even get anyone to like you. let alone go out with you, crappykawa.”

- “don’t spread lies, mattsun.” oikawa clicks his tongue like a mother scolding his child. “or do you seem to forget the dozens of confessions i get on the daily along with the girls that you three complain about all the time because ugh shittykawa’s gonna make us late if he keeps talking to them” (he’s so dramatic lol he says that last part in this weird, whiny voice)

- iwaizumi scoffs. “doesn’t count when you reject every single one.”

- “i do not!”

- “right. right. as if you don’t make them cry because you’re so nice about rejecting them too.” (oikawa frowns at that one because he doesn’t mean to make them cry)

- “yeah, shittykawa, you’re pretty bad at love in general. i’d die before listening to your advice.” (this one is from matsukawa)

- “there’s also the fact that the girlfriend’s you did have all broke up with you because you would rather cuddle with a volleyball than cuddle with them.” (this one is from hanamaki)

- oikawa scowls at them “i don’t cuddle my volleyball.”

- “sure you don’t. just like you most definitely don’t have a name for it either.”

- “leave iwa-chan the second out of this!” (he drew an angry face on his volleyball too because he claims it looks like iwaizumi)

- iwaizumi groans. “i hate you. so so much.”

- at this point, oikawa knows they’re right, but he’s also really prideful. “and besides. i would suggest taking my advice because i got a girlfriend just today!”

- he most definitely did not

- “sure you did. hey mattsun, i bet a week tops until she breaks up with him.”

- “nah i’ll bet five days.”

- after practice, oikawa came up with a plan for the next day to get himself out of the hole he dug for himself

- he usually got confessions before school, so he told iwaizumi that he was going to school early to practice and instead waited for a girl to confess to him

- but the moment he saw this second-year walk up to him with a little box, he knew he wouldn’t be able to do it

- he couldn’t do that to this innocent girl

- and he tries to say yes to her. he really does.

- but he can practically hear his older sister’s voice yelling at him about how “even when you get popular and get confessions from people left and right, i don’t want you leading anyone on. you only accept a confession if you actually like them.”

- he’s probably more scared of his sister than he is of his own mother, so he says no to that second-year, even when she starts to frown and walk away

- he’s leaning against the gym and rubbing the bridge of his nose when he hears you

- “everything alright?”

- you two were pretty close because he found out that you had a crush on iwaizumi in your second year and tried to set you two up (it didn’t work because he’s pretty bad at being a wingman)

- even when iwaizumi rejected you, oikawa had already grown to like your presence, so you two stayed friends despite how his best friend broke your heart

- “y/n-chan! what are you doing here so early?”

- “just returning a book to the library before the librarian knocks down my door and kicks my ass for having an overdue library book. what are you doing here so early?”

- “would you believe me if i said that i was practicing volleyball?”

- you look him up and down, and the smell of fresh cologne reaches your nostrils. his uniform is neatly put together.

- “looking like that? no, no i would not.”

- “well, what would you believe?”

- “i don’t know .. the truth maybe?”

- “the truth is embarrassing and is defamation to my good name.” that makes you raise your brow at him.

- “okay now i only want to hear the truth. i will not accept anything but the truth. now tell me, what kind of embarrassment have you proved yourself to be this morning?”

- “so mean, y/n-chan! now i see why you so very adored our precious iwa-chan.”

- you groan because you don’t want to remember that rejection. “oh just hurry up and embarrass yourself instead of embarrassing me.”

- “but it’s quite embarrassing.”

- “come on, spit it out.”

- “i may or may not have told iwa-chan, makki, and mattsun that i have a girlfriend when i don’t have one.”

- you look at him like he’s the dumbest person you’ve ever met, because at that moment, you really believed that he was. “couldn’t you just … i don’t know … accept one of your many, many confessions?”

- oikawa tells you about his fear of his sister and the second-year that just confessed to him

- you find yourself admiring his sister because she’s probably the one person on this planet that can humble oikawa tooru (the next person to be able to do so will be you, but you don’t know that yet)

- after hearing his explanation you get an idea. “can’t you ask someone to fake being in a relationship with you? you know, so you don’t get the angry sister devil/angel thing on your shoulder?” (LOL if you don’t get what the angel/devil thing that i’m talking about is, it’s like when you have an imaginary angel and a devil that sits on your shoulders and criticizes every choice you make)

- “are you offering, y/n?” he has that shit-eating grin on his face again, so you know he’s mostly joking

- “hmm, i don’t know. i think you’ll have to formally ask me to be your fake girlfriend. it’s only polite after all.”

- oikawa blinks for a second because he didn’t actually think you were serious. “what?”

- “are you going to ask me to be your fake girlfriend or not? maybe throw in a flower and i’ll say yes.”

- oh. oh.

- well, he wasn’t going to let what might be his only opportunity to get someone to fake date him pass by

- he looks around and sees a small flower on the ground and picks it

- he takes both your hands and puts the flower in one of them before saying, “y/n-chan will you, take me, oikawa tooru, as your loving pretend boyfriend, and save me from irrevocable embarrassment?”

- you laugh in his face because he’s trying so hard not to laugh through his “proposal.”

- “minus points for not getting on one knee but i guess i do.”

- you mainly did it because you may have already gotten rejected by iwaizumi, but you did like the possibility of being friends with him, and fake dating oikawa would probably let you do that

- you also kind of felt bad for oikawa, knowing that he wasn’t exaggerating how embarrassing it would be if his teammates found out he was lying

- when you and oikawa walk up to the seijoh third-years while holding hands, makki and mattsun are jostling each other while iwaizumi looks mildly surprised

- “see matsun! pay up!”

- oikawa and you both look in surprise as mattsun reluctantly shoves a few bills into makki’s awaiting hand

- oikawa’s looking between them both. “what bet did you use me for this time?”

- “i bet mattsun that you and y/n secretly liked each other.”

- blink blink

- iwaizumi sees the mildly awkward situation brewing so he says, “anyways, y/n if you ever get tired of this dumbass, you’re more than welcome into our group. we’ll just kick oikawa out.”

- after that, you and oikawa fall into a dating routine easily (you have a pretty busy schedule too so both you and oikawa understand each other schedules well)

- usually this is where oikawa’s relationships fail. he spends so much time with volleyball and the team that he doesn’t really spend time with his significant others

- it’s different with you though. maybe it’s the fact that the stakes aren’t so high because it’s only a fake relationship after all, or maybe it’s because unlike his past significant others, you don’t mind spending most of your time and “dates” with the other seijoh third-years, or maybe it’s because he remembers that locker room conversation and he wants to prove to makki, mattsun, and iwaizumi that he can be a good boyfriend (even if it’s a good fake boyfriend)

- dates with oikawa are usually laid-back because he’s tired from practice (so like walks in the park, getting ice cream, or study dates where you don’t get much done because you spend most of it just laughing and cooking in his kitchen)

- you find that he’s secretly a decent cook (the only thing keeping from saying that he’s a good cook is because he can’t cut vegetables for his life, and he also managed to accidently burn the onions you were trying to caramelize).

- neither of you acknowledge the fact that since nobody’s there to see those dates, you two technically don’t have to go on them since it’s only a fake relationship

- oh and takeru LOVES you

- seriously. he thinks you’re probably the coolest person ever (he tells you one day that he thinks you’re even cooler than oikawa and oikawa is a pouting mess the rest of your day. you can only pull him out of his slump when you jump on his back and force him to run to the bakery and buy milk bread)

- sometimes you’ll come with oikawa when he needs to watch takeru

- as takeru teaches you how to receive a volleyball, oikawa will watch you two with a little smile on his face (this loser is so whipped like man people passing by reminisce on how they were young and in love once because oikawa looks at you like that. oikawa doesn’t notice that he’s doing it though.)

- you sometimes spend time at his house with iwaizumi or on select days just by yourself (mostly for study dates or for watching weird sci-fi movies that oikawa seems to love)

- since you’re at his house so often, oikawa’s mother takes a liking to you because “you finally got her boy to care about something that isn’t volleyball.”

- it’s when oikawa groans a “moooom” in response that you start to feel those pesky butterflies

- oikawa will run up to you after games and just hold you tightly (he tells himself that it’s because his fan club and the team are watching, but really it’s because he can’t thank you enough for being there because he just plays better when you’re watching)

- my god, dUDE . he has no idea that he loves you like . MAN .

- mattsun, makki, and iwaizumi always tease oikawa about how you’re so much cooler than him

- oikawa whines to you and says, “y/n-channn they’re being mean again!”

- “what do you want me to do about it?”

- oikawa pouts like the baby he is and says, “kiss,” while pointing to his cheek. you give in and a round of groans comes from mattsun and makki. oikawa looks so smug and those pesky stomach feelings come back. iwaizumi is smiling to himself.

- speaking of iwaizumi

- you two become best friends after he finds you looking dejected as you wait for oikawa to get out of practice. you confided with him about how your relationship was all pretend. you might have also told him that you may be teensy bit in love with his captain

- iwaizumi tells you that, “there are some things you just ... can’t fake. the way that shithead looks at you is one of them. trust me.”

- he also tells you that his suspicion that you and oikawa had this weird spark was what kept him from ever reciprocating your feelings and why he rejected you (oikawa literally tried being your wingman before by texting iwaizumi things like “did you see how pretty y/n was today? don’t you think she was pretty?” and “iwa-chan! y/n is so funny and that’s coming from me, so she really is funny! i think maybe you should talk to her to see what i’m talking about (≧◡≦)”)

- at this point everyone knows that you’re in love with oikawa for real (except for oikawa himself)

- everyone also knows that oikawa’s fallen for you (except for oikawa himself, and you because you refuse to believe it)

- the moment he realizes he’s in love with you is on another one of those dates that you both know you don’t have to have but still choose to have anyway

- you’re making milk bread and he’s helping to measure the ingredients when he turns around to see you covered in flour and he just kinda stops

- and he realizes

- like yeah he’s been getting that small tugging feeling with you a lot over these past few months

- but now he finally realizes it’s because he’s in love with you

- he’s staring for a long time and for a second you think he’s going to make fun of your flour-coated self, but he’s staring at you with that look and you’re confused

- “everything okay? is there something wrong? did you mess up the measurements?”

- then an idea hits him

- “something’s wrong. it’s kind of embarassing though.”

- “what is it?”

- “no but it’s really embarrassing.”

- “what .. what is it?”

- cue cheeky little grin. “i think i might’ve fallen in love with my fake girlfriend. i don’t have another flower to ask her out though. i hope she doesn’t say no.”

- you kiss him for the first time then and take pride in the fact that you get him covered in flour in the process

KUROO.

- it happened the second day that you were at the tokyo training camp

- kuroo was with bokuto and a few of the karasuno first-years when bokuto started telling the first-years that kuroo had a girlfriend because he saw kuroo helping you carry your bags the day before (listen . this man is like . clueless when it comes to emotions sometimes i’msosorry)

- kuroo got this confused look on his face because he thought he would remember getting a girlfriend. “i do?”

- “don’t you? remember the girl you were holding hands with yesterday?”

- this was all some big misunderstanding

- so basically what happened was this: you’re shinzen’s team manager and you were tasked with carrying bags of equipment to the training center. kuroo was waiting for kenma to finish talking with lev (more like trying to avoid though lmao) and noticed that you were struggling so he came over to help

- kuroo figured that bokuto must’ve seen him holding the bags for you and assumed that something must’ve been going on (or maybe he looked over for the split second when kuroo held your hand in order to transfer the bags to his hand)

- he was about to clear things up when lo and behold, you walked into the gym

- “kuroo look! it’s your girlfriend! hey, come join us!”

- bless bokuto’s soul. bless that poor, oblivious soul.

- you walked up to them and looked at kuroo like “what??”

- you remembered him from the day before, but you didn’t remember ever agreeing to being his girlfriend of any sort

- he smiled apologetically at you and asked to talk to you on the side

- “what’s going on? why did he call me your .. girlfriend?”

- “look i’m sorry, bo’s a little … i don’t know. he saw me carrying your bags yesterday and assumed. i’ll clear things up, don’t worry.”

- when you two headed back to where bokuto is standing, it was obvious that kuroo’s smooth-sailing explanation wasn’t happening anytime soon

- because lev was there, and so was yaku

- “KUROO-SENPAI? THIS IS YOUR GIRLFRIEND? SHE’S VERY PRETTY SENPAI!” (bless lev��s soul too. another part of the extremely oblivious club.)

- yaku took no hesitation in teasing kuroo. “since when does kuroo ever get any girl to like him? this is new. no offense, of course.”

- kuroo tried clearing up the air by saying, “guys- listen this has all been som-“

- hinata doesn’t let him finish either lmao “YOU’RE THE TEAM MANAGER FOR SHINZEN!” (extremely oblivious club member number 3 here)

- “a team manager, kuroo? what’d you do to get her to say yes? is she a chemistry nerd too?”

- “bo-“

- they kinda just went like that back and forth, and kuroo kept getting interrupted

- you were just laughing to the side because it was kind of funny

- you also kinda felt bad for kuroo because damn his friends had like no faith in his romantic skills at all??

- maybe that was what made you say it, but after his friends were done teasing him you said, “he’s kind of a catch though, don’t you think? nerdy and funny is a girl’s dream isn’t that what they say?”

- kuroo blinked at you because what??

- once kuroo got you alone by asking you to take a walk outside of the gym, he asked, “so … what does this make us?” (surprise, surprise, he never got the chance to tell them about the misunderstanding)

- you just shrugged because really how bad could this be? “i felt bad at how much they were teasing you, so we could keep up the fake boyfriend/girlfriend thing for the week. it shouldn’t be too bad. plus it’ll save you the embarrassment of having to tell your friends that you didn’t actually get a girlfriend.”

- you guys did pretty good for the week of the training camp

- you’d cheer him on in secret if he got a spike or a block during a practice game while simultaneously still watching shinzen’s game

- you two walked around the halls when bokuto was watching just to keep up pretenses

- you learned that he’s a major nerd during these walks, which you found really endearing

- on the last day of camp, he tried to throw pieces of broccoli in your mouth (he didn’t stop until he finally got it in after his 9th try)

- you guys initially planned to “break up” after the camp was over

- but here comes bokuto again

- “hey y/n! kuroo, akaashi, and i were gonna go out for karaoke tomorrow if you wanna join.”

- you grew to like bokuto too so you said you’d come

- it was actually a really fun night

- you and kuroo sang a duet together

- he also stole some of your ramen

- you took a video of bokuto as he serenaded akaashi

- when you guys are leaving to go home, bokuto goes “you two are so cute. y/n do me a favor and don’t break up with kuroo until after the qualifiers would you? i wanna play him at his full game.” (again. seriously, he basically is the greatest accidental wingman ever)

- “we can’t break his heart, can we?”

- “no, we can’t.”

- and so your fake relationship starts

- you don’t get to visit each other often because you don’t live in the same vicinity, but you guys text often (it’s a friend thing, you both swear to yourselves)

- on weekends when kuroo’s not spending time with kenma, he’ll ask you to meet him at a park or a cafe (you two always send selfies to bokuto during every date)

- dates with him are always really fun because he’s spontaneous and also very active so sometimes he’ll take you by the hand and just drag you places

- he is not afraid to smear different colors of ice cream on your nose and call you some obscure name from some really old movie that he may have watched that week

- he also makes you push him on the swings

- the little kids get mad because what is this rooster man doing taking up a swing when he’s so old

- you laugh at him when the kids eventually come up to him and ask if they can use the swing

- dates will usually last the whole day because you’re both fine with just walking around and randomly finding stuff to do

- with all that time spent talking, you two also get to know each other really well

- like basically your life stories

- it took him a while to open up and at first he insists that you tell your story first, but after a while you notice how he starts letting little things about his life slip here and there until he starts telling you bigger portions

- you also get really close with kenma

- not close close the way him and kuroo are, but kenma would probably see you as his second closest friend

- that’s why sometimes kenma tags along with you guys (it doesn’t feel like third wheeling or anything because both you and kuroo enjoy kenma’s presence as much as each other’s)

- eventually, once you two got the hang of it, you’re like the couple that everyone likes

- because you’re both pretty funny and overall just have nice vibes

- his team starts to call you mom and dad as a joke because sometimes when shinzen doesn’t have practice, you’ll stop by at nekoma at the end of practice just to say hi

- they’re not wrong about the mom and dad thing though (it’s a really cute dynamic though i swear)

- your team used to not like him at first because they were protective of you, but eventually they reluctantly warmed up to him

- they threatened to demolish him if he hurt you though

- LMAO ANYWAYS .. MOVING ON

- you guys have lots of study dates too!!

- since you’re both busy because of volleyball related things, a lot of your schedule lines up with each other (this also means that kuroo knows when you haven’t had time to study)

- you’ll be sitting on his bed on your stomach with your legs draped across his thighs as you read your textbook and he’ll be sitting against his bed frame reading one of his assigned readings (i also like to think that kuroo has glasses for these readings that only you and kenma have seen)

- sometimes, when you finish studying before he finishes, you’ll come up behind him and just start to play with his hair

- his hair is actually really soft despite looking like a bird built its nest in it

- you also have two of his jackets that are just lying around your house

- he likes when you wear them because he thinks you look so cute (he doesn’t tell you that though)

- after a while, it’s like both of you have forgotten that this was all a ruse just so bokuto wouldn’t get heartbroken after you two break up

- at this point, kuroo has learned all your quirks, habits, and has also memorized your schedule

- like … he doesn’t realize that he’s fallen for you until someone points it out

- he realizes he’s fallen for you on the day that shinzen loses in the tournament (this would be your last match)

- now nekoma just played a game, but kuroo’s first instinct is to check whether or not shinzen won (he’s been doing this for every game in the tournament)

- when he sees that you lost, he knows that you’ll be sad and in need of a pick me up

- as kenma and him are packing up, he says, “shinzen lost today. i probably can’t make it to your house tonight. y/n will probably want to go out with her team for a bit, but she’ll probably crash at my place. do you think i should make her a strawberry cake? or maybe she’ll want onigiri? no, she’ll probably want the cake. she always gets the little smile with her one dimple whenever she eats my strawberry cake. makes me proud.”

- kenma’s just looking at kuroo with arched eyebrows because HIS BEST FRIEND IS WHIPPED

- kuroo doesn’t get why kenma’s looking at him like that because he thinks about things like that all the time. “what??”

- oh kenma knows your relationship is fake

- so he just looks at kuroo and says, “try to refrain getting down on one knee today. i doubt you have a ring, and i’ll bet that y/n will want a confession of you being hopelessly, madly in love with her before you propose by the way.”

- kuroo kind of freezes and blinks at him.

- “wh … what?”

- “kuro, do i really need to spell out for you that you’re totally smitten with her? you have been for a while now.”

- “have not.”

- “yes, you have.”

- “have not.”

- “yes, you have.”

- “have not.”

- “yes, you have.”

- at this point, kuroo knows that kenma’s onto something, but kuroo doesn’t wanna jump to conclusions until he sees you again

- when you knock on his door and run straight into his arms that night, he knows kenma’s right

- like you’re balling into his chest and he gets that feeling that he wants to hold you forever and never let go

- and he knows. he knows.

- after you start to calm down, he offers you the cake that he made just for you

- he swears that he feels ten times lighter after he sees that exact smile with the exact dimple on your face

- now kuroo may be loud, and rambunctious at times, but when he loves, it’s quiet, simple, but not any less there

- as you finish eating the cake, kuroo notices that there’s a few pink crumbs on your lips

- and he kisses you

- like a “slow, hand on the cheek, nose touching after he pulls away” kind of kiss

- “i made a realization today. kenma told me to hold back on proposing, so i’ll go with confessing instead.”

- you’re looking up at him with your heart beating hard in your chest

- “i think you might’ve made me fall in love with you.”

sorry if there are any mistakes lmao i tried catching all of them but ... 6k words ...... yanno. .....

#oikawa x reader #oikawa headcanons #oikawa fluff #atsumu x reader #atsumu headcanons #atsumu fluff #kuroo x reader #kuroo headcanons #kuroo fluff #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu headcanons #haikyuu fluff

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johnemulaney · 3 years ago

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John Mulaney: From Scratch in Las Vegas, September 4

Once again, spoilers for the show and what will presumably be in the special. This is about his relapse so tread with caution is that will be an issue for you. However, the tone of his struggle is the same one he used in his past specials so if you didn’t have any issues then, I think you’d be ok with this. Of course, use your own best judgement, friends.

The opener was Seaton Smith.

He opened with trying to find the rich people in the crowd but acknowledged that they’d go mwrmwmwrw money isn’t everything so then he started talking about golf and went aha I got ya’ll.

There was a joke about weed being the only Christian drug

He had a bit about when white people are nice, be nervous

He had a bit about there being a black man on the Bachelor and was like America (ABC and Disney+) were not ready for a black man to be fucking a house full of 50 white women. That shit premiered on Tuesday and the Capitol burned on Wednesday.

He also did some crowd work and roasted a couple in the front row for having different answers about kids and she was like I didn’t hear the question and was roasted about how not hearing questions you don’t want to answer is certainly a tactic, often used by drug dealers

He also had a bit about how different child rearing is in Texas versus New York and about how hitting your kids is treated differently, like his dad would have just threatened it whimsically.

Now on to the Main Event!

The first thing he said was “hiiiiiiiiii” exactly in the tone you think he said it in. he followed that up with a little shrug looking adorable and a little bashful

“It’s him! Mr. Problems. Oh Las Vegas, Oh my god” he then talks about how Vegas is a land of vice and a Choice for him to preform in as a recovering addict. He had a sober buddy and 3 bodyguards with him at all times.

“And here’s what happened” December 18, 2020, he gets invited to a friends apartment for dinner AND HE’S TWO HOURS LATE because he stopped, coked out of his mind, at SNL for a haircut because he still had his building access badge and he went to the hair department and they were like, he’ll leave faster if we just do this, and then he stopped at his drug dealers.

He called venmo and cashapp, apps for drug deals and was like what do normal people even use them for. He maxed both out paying for drugs.

He was the best looking person at his intervention. “Coke skinny, new cut” and the 12 people intervening looked like shit. He looked “tears for fears while they all looked jerry garcia” (I hope you know who those musicians are besties).

He immediately yelled “Can I go to the bathroom” to you know, dump his drugs because when you walk into that, you know what it is.

He was not allowed to go (he would be asked if he still needed to pee later and would say “what?”

There were 6 people in NYC and 6 people over zoom in LA because he guesses 6 people couldn’t be bothered to fly in for HIS INTERVENTION

Interventions can go two ways, it can be kind of accusatory and this is how you let us all down, or it can be supportive. Everyone but Nick Kroll got the memo to be supportive.

Nick Kroll went first.

Nick Kroll listed all the ways John was a bad best friend and brother over zoom and John was getting texts during the intervention saying Nick wasn’t supposed to do that and they were all sorry.

Bill Hader went next. he originally wasn’t going to be able to make it so he had recorded a thing but since he was there, he did it live. (He would eventually send the video to John in rehab, which is not what you want on the way to rehab “awesome, more intervention”)

He tried to derail the intervention, “there’s not enough latinx representation” he said he’d go to any rehab except the one they had picked out for him. This was a star-studded affair and he was mad no one was being funny.

Natasha Lyons went next, telling him his life and career is in shambles

So he gets carted off to rehab after this intervention. Don’t let 12 comedians pack your bags for 2 months at rehab. it was bombas socks and iphone chargers.

A little secret about rehab, you’re not allowed to bring drugs in. You remember how he was late? In his pocket on the way to rehab included: a huge amount of pills, 3g of coke (which was 2g by the time he got there, courtesy of a koala station in a gas station bathroom), and $2000 in cash. He had other plans for the weekend. He was admitted for xanax, coke, perocet, and adderall addiction. Say what you will, but he does not do anything half way.

It’s 4am when he’s sent to detox, he’s been awake for 3 days.

He also gives a small lesson on how to get drugs. Find the lowest rated doctors on yelp and webmd reviews and go ask for them, they need all the business they can get. You become like Captain Phillips, I am the doctor now.

Dr. Michael was his shady doctor. He was a first avenue apartment where he would write prescriptions from his kitchenette where his girl Minerva was always asleep. “I didn’t kill my wife Minerva.” But John would ask for his drugs, Dr. Michael would write the script and then ask what he needed it for. Dr. Michael would also make John take his shirt off, always offering a flu shot and going no, shirt all the way off (in case you were wondering how bad this addiction actually was)

The first moral is now you know. The second moral is get vaccinated.

He’s sent to the regular ward the next afternoon and they finally get him to sleep.

He’s sketched out that doctors have last names at this establishment

He asks for drugs such as klonopin and is taken aback a bit when he doesn’t get them. The doctor is like PA state law says no, and so John suggests they go to a CVS in Jersey to get some.

His bestie Pete Davidson starts calling that night. Except Pete changes his number every month and a half so John has him send a selfie and saves the new number under some other random name, at this point in time, Pete is saved as Al Pacino. (We get an Al Pacino impression) John is asleep and his nurse sees Al Pacino trying to call him 5 times and so she wakes him up.

Pete Davidson and John Mulaney did not do drugs together. (The author is lowkey surprised and sad about that, like if Pete was my bestie, we’d make so many poor choices) But Pete was always very supportive of his sobriety.

John needs recognition so badly, in group when they introduced themselves he said “I’m John M.” and no one cared. So he left a tabloid out with the news of his admittance and his face on it in the rec room on the table. The not being someone was “driving him bananas.” When they talked about what they do for a living and he said I’m a a stand up comedian, someone asked if he made a living that way. He said “yeah ask your daughter” (or your son)

One of the things you do at rehab is break up with your drug dealer.

One of his drug dealers only bought drugs to keep John from buying worse off the streets and only got into the game because John kept asking him for drugs and was his only buyer. That guy was originally a painter and John has no idea how they met. John is the only person to turn an innocent man into a drug dealer.

Here he did the Baby J is back baby joke. the Park Theater is one of the biggest stages in the world so he did that joke in one pace across the stage and said the stage is that joke long.

“I am no longer on drugs. It’s very good but also ah---” He’s in a 12 step anonymous group.

“I need attention, clearly.” After a show you think he would be sated, but no.

He wants that attention that the kid who’s grandparent died and showed up to school dressed for the funeral and got to sit in the beanbag chair for reading despite it not being his turn, gets. He went on about being willing to let one of the lesser important grandparents die so he could get attention, for quite a while.

He feels left behind in science, like his C’s and D’s in those classes. All those classes were was putting things on a windowsill for the janitor to throw away. He had a bit about how the fuck people put dinosaurs back together, it’s like getting wayfair furniture without the instructions.

He also things the moon belongs to America. Like we got there first and when other countries say stuff about the moon he’s like mmmmmmm.

He also had a joke about paying to get into college and like, for white people that’s always how it’s been.

The show ended with him going over the highlights of that GQ interview that he was so coked out for that he forgot he did it entirely. He has no memory of it at all. He was just called up that day and asked for an interview and you know how coke is the best drug to receive attention on? He just did whatever he wanted with that attention.

And that was the show.

#John Mulaney #john mulaney: from scratch #spoilers #kid gorgeous #The Comeback Kid #The Top Part #New In Town #show write up

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beesmygod · 3 years ago

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ok you dinks. here’s my thesis in defense of my needlessly picky needs for a product i will eventually have to make myself. you need to understand first that i am completely untethered from reality and have monetary expectations that cannot be met but i will goddamn get it as close as i can to my ideal price. this is about the PRINCIPLE of the thing (in addition to the fact that im not paying full price on a product im not going to be fully happy with)

RULE #1: ULTIMATELY THIS THING IS JUST A NUMPAD/KEYBOARD

there is no way in hell im paying for a stream deck or some shit with LED screens. 30-40 dollars is a reasonable price for something that isn’t a full sized keyboard but is also a specialty product. 50 dollars i start to narrow my eyes and grumble. i will not go past 75

“bea why don’t you just get a keypad then” because i dont want a keypad. i want a product that should exist. i found fucking QUAKE buttons before i found art ones. QUAKE. FUCKING QUAKE.

RULE #2: FINGER-FEEL

this one’s entirely on me lol. listen man, if my left hand is going to be glued to this thing, im going to be touching buttons all the time. and if im touching buttons all the time and i feel sticker edges im going to make myself crazy. this is my needlessly picky demand that i will cop to being a little ridiculous. but i know whats wrong with me so im not going to go through all the time and effort to just create a device that pisses me off.

RULE #3: THEY DON’T HAVE TO BE THE LITERAL ART SYMBOLS BUT THEY DO HAVE TO BE SYMBOLS

listen, i already have numbers and F keys assigned to things in my brain. im running out of room. i need to either have a paint bucket key or like a rain drop or a honeycomb or SOMETHING representative even if it’s really abstract. just something to differentiate the functions enough for me to build the associations i need.

problem 1: individual key caps are expensive

problem 2: doubly so if you try print/make your own. a printer will also take a VERY long time (the keyboard modding scene is in disarray rn bc of supply chain issues and afaik things have never been very good) and making your own necessitates a cricut (for efficiency) which as far as im concerned is destined to be very expensive paperweight someday soon.

problem 3: this product exists. not only does it exist it exists for a reasonable price. cooler master sold photoshop keycaps for 20 bucks. and they’re like fucking perfect

sold. because they’ve been perpetually sold out for years, as far as i can tell, with no plans to restock. they’re still on the website though. taunting me, just out of reach.

RULE #4: IF I HAVE TO BUY RELEGENDABLE CAPS ILL JUST BUY A BLANK NUMPAD AND FUCK IT

im not doing all of that. i have things to do. like play video games or argue with my cat. the time to effort payoff ratio for something i objectively won’t be happy with is too much.

i dont really need people to suggest solutions (though i do appreciate them!) bc i am perfectly willing to die mad about this. im just pissed off this somehow isn’t a mass marketed runaway success idea that’s so obvious no one would think to suggest it. why can i buy counterstrike buttons but not an “undo” one.

grrr growl grr whatever. i’ll survive until more stuff pops up or i think of something else.

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sapphic-squid · 4 years ago

Note

New directions at an amusement park!

Pie thanks you’re the best, also you mentioned someone being scared of roller coasters so I went with that

“Dude, man up,” Mike slaps Puck’s shoulder, “Don’t be so hard on the guy.”

“Not you too, why are you guys all wusses.” Everyone glared at Puck. The glee club had taken an impromptu trip to the nearest amusement park as a distraction from Nationals coming up soon. Soon after arriving, Finn had shyly admitted to being scared of rollercoasters.

Blaine tried to ease the tension, “You know we could just split up and do different things?” Mike and Sam were shyly nodding and agreeing with him. Puck eventually caught on, “YOU’RE ALL SCARED TOO! What’s even the point if you don’t go on a rollercoaster. I want to feel like heart is out of my chest by the end of the day.”

“You will be if you eat the funnel cake, I don’t trust it”

“You’re a cheesecake snob, you love unhealthy things,” Kurt shushed his boyfriend trying to change the topic, “SO! Are we splitting up?”

Puck signed, “Fine everyone who DOESN’T want to ride a rollercoaster raise your hand,” all the guys raised their hands and Puck let out an exasperated groan, “Fine I’ll just go with the girls and show them what a real man looks like,” he said flexing.

“No one wants to see your guns Puckerman,” Santana glared at him.

The New Directions split up into two groups planning to meet for lunch and back at the entrance at 3pm to leave, The Girls + 1, and The Losers (named by Puck). The Girls + 1 quickly grabbed a map and started tracing out a plan to hit the most roller coasters by 3. While The Losers headed towards the games to find things to do.

“Sam, you can’t stop at every game, Burt only gave Kurt and I $50 to share. And I am not paying for you once you spend all your money trying to win Mercedes a stupid bear.” Finn admired the ring pop he had already won Rachel at a whack-a-mole game.

“But it’s romantic!”

“She’s not gonna be happy with you if you can’t buy lunch because you spent all your money losing at games.”

“Just cause you won on the first try doesn’t give you permission to dis another man’s abilities,” Kurt, Blaine, and Mike watched from the side as the two bickered.

They all finally agreed on somewhere to eat for lunch. The Losers got there first sitting down with their food. Tina and Mercedes walked ahead to join their boyfriends at the table while the rest of the girls took their time. Once they had all sat down and started talking, Sam noticed something was off, “Where’s Puck?”

“Oh, he went on one roller coaster and refused to go on anymore. He’s been walking from trashcan to trashcan trying not to throw up,” Mercedes said, taking a bite of their shared sandwich. Just then Puck came into view. He sat down at the table with a salad.

“Woah, I don’t think i’ve ever seen you eat a vegetable before.”

“Watch it Hummel. Have to go light on the stomach after riding insane roller coasters all morning. You know i’m kinda tired of them by now, I might join you guys walking around.”

Everyone was glancing around the table trying to hold in their laughter. “What! Why is everyone acting so weird. If I wanted to sit a silent table of weirdos I would go visit my grandma at the old folks home.”

“We know you only lasted one ride,” Mike gave in.

Puck looked around desperate, “WHAT NO! I WENT ON ALL THE RIDES!”

“Sure you did, you barely made it through the first one without screaming like a little girl,” Mercedes looked at him

“Did not!”

“Did too!”

“Fine whatever, I don’t like rollercoasters. OKAY! EVERYONE HAPPY NOW!” Puck turned away from the table sulking.

After a little more teasing, Puck reluctantly joined The Guys (couldn’t be called The Losers anymore after he joined) for the rest of the day. Sam finally won Mercedes a stuffed penguin on the last game before they all had to leave. On the ride Puck passed out cold and Kurt and Blain drew mustaches on his face.

#glee #my writing #also thanks for resending it #I know now that my computer messes everything up #this was actually really fun #oohbabycupcakes #asks

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freshlybakedspiderbread · 3 years ago

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history of gacha for some reason

If you've ever before this point thought that maybe i wasn't a total loser, then I'm about to change that! i was doing my eternal routine of mindlessly cycling through my various smartphone games and now that i'm slowly starting to get tired of my 50th or something mobage, i started thinking just how many gacha games i've played and been playing... and also how many unfortuate impulse purchases i made -_-

the simple truth is that i like collecting things. i like seeing numbers go up. I like having spaces filled in. and I am often bored and lacking in motivation to do other things these days, so i’m like the natural sucker for all these. But which ‘these’ exactly?! Let’s start from the beginning, or at least as far back as i can remember....

fate grand order

im pretty sure it started in 2017 when just about everyone i came across in the cirlce of my tumblr rping days was into fgo. I only had a very vague knowledge of fate stuff beforehand, but i saw posts and memes about it every day, so i figure i might as well try it out for the heck of it. Now I could actually understand the unfunny memes!

I distinctly remember it was the ‘prison tower’ event featuring the count of monte cristo (the guy who looks like komaeda) where I started getting actually invested in the story, and i remained invested until i just finally drifted away from it sometime in early 2020.

my fav character is probably still florence nightingale but even back then, i was already weirded out by the whole concept considering the actual person in history still has living descendents!!

how much...: I only remember buying like one instance of gacha currency for ‘comfort’ sake, under some terrible logic that this is the amount i’m paying to ‘buy’ the game if it was like a normal game. It was to roll for medb who i didn’t get. I think it was 20 or 30 dollars?? bad but far from the worst it’ll get..

bandori

I don‘t remember who, if anybody else i knew was playing it which got me into it, but I started playing the global version i think not too longer after it started up in 2018.

It was fun and i like just about every one of the initial 25 characters! (I dont think i can muster much affection for Eve though...) Playing this game every day for nearly a year or so, i got a preeeetty good at consistently Full Comboing songs on Hard n_n Misaki/Michelle remains at my number 2, even though harohapi is probably my least fav of the bands over all... (Actually that’d be Morfonica because I don’t know anything about them!)

But yeah, i sorta just naturally drifted off the game at some point. I realised i might as well stopped when i was no longer paying attention to the event story. That said, I am actually just waiting for Raise a sullen to be added to the global version and that will be when i poke back in. Chu2 might actually be my fav?

how much...: I remember buying more than one booster pack for some coloured materials I was lacking in. Also like 20 or 30 dollars? Are all these prices just generalised across all mobages?!

girls frontline

oh ths was a big one.... So after hearing about it from a few friends, i tried it the global version out of curiosity as soon as it released in 2018. I would have liked to just try the original chinese version but......... i was and still am illiterate in my own mother tongue u_u;;; Moving on...

i played this game every day until like, god, I think until just the beginning of this year?! And i still like reinstalled and logged back in on a whim every now and then.

There is a lot of story and cutscenes in this game, and i’ consumed maybe like 50% of it, and of that I must’ve only actually paid attention to 70% of it. Yet this post here showed that there was plenty that stuck with me... for life, for better or worse!! Also there were some days where I came really, really close to buying a figure of ump45 n_n;

one of the reasons i eventually stopped other than just naturally feeling like moving on, is the fact that the gameplay itself just got too stupidly demanding for me. Like i had like dozens upon dozens of max lv dolls and i had hit most of the caps in all abilities a long time ago, yet the game’s content kept throwing bigger and bigger damager numbers and every single new thing to fight was suuuuch a pain.

how much...: Okay this is extra embarrassing compared to others because the only gacha in this game exists soley for costumes for the t-dolls. And. Sometimes. I really wanted those costumes ._. If I had to guess or estimate how much i spent in total across the two or so years i played this game... probably over a hundred dollars? That’s if i’m being really generous to myself...

cookie run overbreak

It was October 2019, when someone I knew was asking people to click on this link to play cookie run, part of one of those ‘invite friends to get prizes’ things, and I clicked it and started playing the cute little game where you make cookie people run and jump. My first epic was Whipped Cream Cookie, as it happens!

i actually don’t think i played the game for that long then though, maybe only for a few months before i decided to uninstall. But then, on january of this year, i jumped back into it on a whim, and i’ve been playing every day (and only now am i finally, slowlly beginning to feel like i can/should put it down again...!!!)

every few weeks, there’s a new super wonderful design that I just Gotta see run and jump and squeak. They’re soooo good and im not even joking when i say touhou has gotta start ripping off designs from this game immediately!!

Lotus Dragon Cookie and Hydrangea Cookie are probably my favs and the entire lotus paradise story is like striaght out of a classic chinese movie (not that i’ve watched more than a handful of those...). also dark enchantress and pomegranate are just cookie eiteru which is also why i love them.

how much...: there have been multiple instances across the year where a thing will pop up and be like “spend 6.99 for this thing, now!!!” and i’ll just be like ‘well, alright...’ and like it seems like a small amount, but i’m afraid of thinking about how much it adds up...

cookie run kingdom

started playing as soon as it came out, also some time in january of this year. I dropped off after about a month, and then came back like two months ago? I’m still playing it and logging in everyday, but that’s despite the fact that I think the actual gameplay is Miserable. It sucks, i don’t like it, yet i do it!!

I used to think girls frontline could have a real slog of gameplay sometimes, but crkingdom’s progression is so, so, utterly glacial and there’s soooo much micromanagement. You have to click on a million different things just upon logging in or else you’re wasting time and/or resources. And you need to do all these things because it takes a billion years to level up a cookie, and the story content keeps getting harder and requiring bigger numbers. and yet, im still at it at the moment because gambler’s fallacy i guess!?

anyhow, cookies have voice acting in this game and also the story is a lot more elaborate as befitting of an ‘epic rpg’ kind of game. I actually do really like a lot of the plot and lore elements [which I have to watch on youtube because it’d take me years to see it myself in the game >_>] and also sonic the hedgehog is in this game!!

how much...: i think i spent like six dollars once really early on for some small boost, but it did not help in the long run. the prices for things are utterly absrud, and i knew no matter how much i spent, i would just very soon hit another wall where i’d be unable to progress without another week or so of micomanaging..

project sekai / d4dj

putting these together because my experience with both are similarly short-lived. I was falling out of bandori so i just on a whim decided to try these really similarly structured game. Project Sekai is only in japanese so i obviously couldn’t really get into the story much. Whereas d4dj... i would have really gotten into it, especially Merm4id’s story, but at the time i think i was just handling too much on my plate. Every time i played the usual day’s worth of daily prizes, i had my ‘fill’ and stopped instead of watching any of the story i wanted to be watching. So i guess it was just a matter of timing that i didn’t get into either very much.

that bleach gacha

it think its called brave souls? I played it earler this year on a complete whim and logged in every day for about a month before i was like ‘yeah alright this was fun for while, time to move on’. I realy don’t have much to say about it. I got like three different yoruichis, but i arbitrarily decided that the ones to make up my best team were senna (wind girl from movie 1), ying and yang (rando fire and ice henchman from movie 2), and shuren (fire guy from movie 4).

how much...: I didn’t intend to spend any money, but i was just browsing the shop to see whats its like, and i was eating breakfast with my other hand and like, half-paying attention, so i ended up accidentally buying some orbs or something for five dollars :l

rockman x dive

embarrassing to say but i found this specifically because i was looking for more smartphone games to replace the ones i was falling out of, and i just happened to see it on my appstore in either march or april of this year.

I like rockman! And as you’ve seen, i guess I like these kind of mobages, so... a good match??? Anyway, the gameplay itself is an awkward-to-control platformer and you roll the gacha for a bunch of weapons and more importantly all your favourite(or really random and niche) characters from the mega man franchise. my go-to for a very long time is Servbot n_n .

I thought i was i finally getting tired of it, but after deciding to spend all my saved-up currency at once a little while ago, i now have like a bunch of shiny new interchangable units to play with so uh, i guess i’ll be sticking with it for a little longer.

how much...: bought one booster for what i think (i hope) was less than 10 dollars? It didn’t mean much in the long run though! Progression in this game is so slow but after crkingdom, i can tolerate it...

touhou lost word

(aurgh......) its fgo but touhou! so. the thing is... you’ve noticed by now its pretty easy for me to just get sucked into the routine of these games and the basic appeal of collecitng pngs that say lines at you when you tap them. you add in touhou and it becomes tailor-made to trap me. the gameplay is all secondary to the above.

i could speak about some of the good points of it or the story, like the occasional neat idea or funny line, but there’s no point, honestly... this game is first and foremost a very easy device for instant satisfiaction for me, and all that is why I glance past the fact that every other character design has their clothes vacuum sealed to their balloon breasts!! i wince every time patchouli or sanae come on screen (and can only despair when komachi shows up).

i like literally every touhou so i get ansty at literally every banner. only mercy is that LW’s most insidious money-grabbing banners come from these super duper exclusive Ultra Fes units which are alternate versions of existing characters, but i have no problem ignoring these because I don’t care. ...Unfortunately, i care too much when a rando like Nemuno suddenly gets included.

anyhow, i started playing the original jp game when it released, and just mindlessly went at it for like half a year before dropping off. Then the global version released five or so months ago, and i started all over again but this time able to read the words!!! i log in way too many times a day because i need the distraction from the growing void in my heart and mind...

how much...: the prices on things is even more absurd than in crkingdom. that said, and understand... for the last few weeks/months, i’ve at been quite a low point for various reasons i won’t get into here. but the point is, collecting talking pngs of touhous has been a very easy form of stimulation and distraction for me, and so in the midst of my mind-numbing clicking routine and desire to just hurry and get the next new talking png I want, i just say ‘f*** it’ and click the buy currency button. Just know that i felt bad before doing it, and felt bad immediately afterwards. There was literallly not a single millisecond where I ever think it’s worth it, but i didn’t care ._. (I disabled the google playstore function in my phone after the worst of these instances. will it last...?)

touhou danmaku kagura

its bandori but touhou! I mean, basically the same as my experience with project sekai and d4dj, except i’m still playing it as of now. I log in, click some things, have fun playing songs sometimes. my preferred difficult is extra B)

The cards you gacha roll for are all done by different artists, so there’s a large variety of art, ranging from cool and magnificent (i love the azmaya one of aya I have on my home screen the most) to utterly vomit-inducing (so there’s this one, with cirno.....) So. quite the range of experiences, much like whenever i browse touhou art on twitter and pixiv.

also i like watching the cutscenes that come from increasing ‘bond points’ between characters even though i can’t understand them most of the time.... Pretty sure that’s just my usual touhou experience though.

how much? none!: After the horror story above with LW, I don’t plan on spending a single cent on this game! Or any other mobage ever again!!!

some other random ones i remember playing for a brief time:

pokemon mastersex, touhou cannonball, dx2 smt liberation, touhou dungeon dive or something, kamen rider city wars. I wanted to try love nikki too but i think i got intimidated by its mechanics. Yes, the mechnaics of a dress-up game I find initmidating.

#the lesson here is that i need to stop playing these things (I won't though) and play 'real' games again x_x

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fridge-reviews · 4 years ago

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Darkest Dungeon

Developer: Red Hook Studios Publisher: Red Hook Studios Rrp: £18.99 (Gog.com, Humblebundle and Steam) Released: 19th January 2016 Available on: Gog.com, Humblebundle and Steam Played Using: Mouse and Keyboard Approximate game length: 50+ hours

What was I searching for when I plumbed those depths? Glory, riches... power? All of it was for nought in the face of the sheer horror and madness that has now been unleashed upon this land. Our families fortune is spent and the land withers and the only thing I can leave you is the duty of cleansing my mistakes from this world, and for that I am sorry.

Darkest Dungeon was a Kickstarter success that I sadly missed out on. It's a dungeon delving RPG, with roguelite elements and turn based combat. The basic premise of this game is that your families ancestral home has been invaded by dark and malevolent forces that exist beyond human understanding (essentially there is some Lovecraftian style horror occurring). Since you are far too important to actually go into the dungeons yourself you send in teams on missions. If any of those teams return then they get to rest up, recover stress and improve before you send them back out again.

You'll spend most of this game controlling your heroes as they delve into the various dungeons on quests. However before you do that you have to provide your heroes with what they need to survive, the basics being food and torches. You'll also be determining in what position your heroes should be deployed in as their positioning can and does make all the difference once in combat. As you travel through the dungeon the light of your torch diminishes. The darker things get the harder the game becomes but the rewards are greater. You can replenish the torch by utilising one from your inventory which consumes it, although many may have to be used bring your light levels to full.

The events of the dungeon can cause stress upon your heroes. This stress will eventually become an affliction which adds a behaviour characteristic to your hero. This can range from them bing a kleptomaniac (where they can randomly steal items) through to being fearful, that being said sometimes the high stress causes your hero to become even tougher though this isn't a common occurrence. There are ways of reducing your heroes stress while in a dungeon but most of those are specific to a heroes ability in while in combat (meaning you aren't attacking the enemy but instead are managing your own parties stress) or are camping skills, which only occur on longer dungeon delves and also have to be carefully managed. Once you are in town you can treat your heroes stress level, along with other maladies. Some heroes will require a specific type of treatment such as visiting a brothel rather than praying, at least they will until you fix that as well although that can be quite costly.

As you wander a dungeon you will inevitably face opponents that you'll have to defeat. Combat in this game is turn based with turn order being determined by the speed stat. Enemy attacks do two types of damage, physical and stress. Physical damage has subtypes such as blight and bleeding that do damage over time. Stress attacks can be absolutely devastating, because if a hero becomes too stressed they're resolve will become tested (as mentioned above) which can result in a good effect but will usually have a very negative one. These negative effects can and usually will, start to effect the rest of your party adding even more stress. If the stress bar becomes too full your hero will die of a heart attack. When an enemy dies they often leave a corpse behind that fills the position they were in. These can be destroyed to force your opponents to change position. If however you find that these corpses are frustrating you can disable the function in the options menu.

Hero positioning is very important, depending on what skills your heroes have they will only be able to hit specific targets. Both you and your enemies can have attacks that will displace someone from one spot to another, hopefully making them less effective in combat.

Heroes that survive quests will gain experience which in turn will give them 'resolve' levels. The higher this level is the more likely they'll pass tests of their resolve and not get negative effects.

This game uses two currencies, heirlooms and gold. Gold is used to upgrade your heroes equipment, buy trinkets, buy provisions, pay for de-stressing treatments and cure mental and physical afflictions. Hierlooms (of which there are four types) are used to upgrade the buildings within your hamlet this making more services available as well as improving on those that exist already.

I had a blast playing this game, but my god could it be frustrating at times. The art style and music are amazing and really add to the dark and dreary atmosphere. I found myself coming back to this game over and over. I'm even contemplating buying the DLCs.

If this appeals to you perhaps try;

Iratus Lord of the Dead Slay the Spire

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thefirstcourtesan · 4 years ago

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VIP Review

It has been one month since VIP was released to everyone and I decided to do a long post examining the benefits of VIP and if it is worth $20 CAD a month.

I can only speak to my own experiences and before I break down totals, I am going to explain that I did have 6 abandoned/unplayed books available to binge. I also received the challenges feature for the last week of my first month, which added to the amount of diamonds I received (as I explain later). When I activated VIP, I had 463 diamonds and I also purchased 1500 as a birthday gift. So I began VIP with 1963 diamonds. I currently have 496 diamonds. I figured out that in the last month, I have spent 3151 diamonds (so almost $300 worth!), as I said, I started out with 1963 and I still have 496. This means that in the first month of VIP, I earned 1684 diamonds! Over $130 value for $20. So for me, VIP is definitely worth it, but is it worth for everyone? I will break it down and let you decide.

VIP advertises four different selling points and I am going to break down each of them. The benefits to VIP are as follows: bonus diamonds (a one-time bonus of 180 and then 10 a day), double chapter rewards for new chapters, special VIP books and unlimited keys.

Bonus Diamonds

This might actually be the weakest feature for me, personally, even though it might seem like the most valuable part of VIP. Don’t get me wrong, 300 diamonds a month for $20 is a good deal (I pay $28 for 250) and the one-time 180 diamonds are an extra good deal and make VIP especially worth it for the first month. If you buy small packs of diamonds on a regular basis, then VIP is probably worth it for the diamonds alone. The only drawback is that it is a small amount per day and that you have to remember to log in every single day.

Double Chapter Rewards

VIP players receive 4 diamonds per unplayed chapter instead of 2. This is one of those bonuses that depends on the player’s circumstances. If you are someone who has played every book already, then this has less valuable than if you have several unplayed books. For me, I had 6 unplayed/abandoned books with a total of 78 unplayed chapters, which was a bonus of 156 diamonds. This is also a bonus of 6-10 diamonds a week, depending on the update schedule. With one exception.

I have said since My Two First Loves premiered, that it is. A book designed for VIP even if it isn’t a VIP book. The short, easily bingeable chapters are annoying when you have to wait 3 hours for keys, but great for unlimited keys. But more than that, the daily diamonds add up. MTFL gets regular players 14 diamonds a week and VIP players 28 a week. Today marks the 28th chapter of MTFL and that means so far, VIP players have collected 112 diamonds, 56 diamonds more than regular players. MTFL is a guaranteed 4 diamonds a day for VIP players and gives a great return on the double chapter rewards perk.

VIP Books

VIP players have access to four special books, three of which are completed and one which is updating. I have played all three completed books and am up-to-date on The Unexpected Heiress. The quality of the VIP books is excellent. With Every Heartbeat is beautiful and heartbreaking while A Very Scandalous Proposal is the best slow burn Choices has ever done. TUH is still in the early days, but so far it is a mix of Veil of Secrets and Desire and Decorum and blends historical drama with mystery. Hot Couture was the weak link (for me), as it is a formula we have seen before, but it was still very enjoyable. All the VIP books are well written and they are all unique from one another (even if HC is similar to other books in the Choices library).

While you get early access to the VIP books, you still have to spend diamonds on them and they get pricey. Between the three completed books and TUH, I have spent 2213 diamonds so far, but I have no impulse control and bought the majority of scenes in all the books. This is also why I bought the 1500 bonus pack for my birthday, so I could enjoy the VIP books without hesitation.

Choices has promised to release these books to the general public eventually, though there is no timeline on that. For me, the VIP books were a nice bonus, but I wouldn’t have subscribed to VIP just for the VIP books alone (even though I really wanted to play TUH).

Unlimited Keys

The last feature of VIP is very much a “your mileage may vary” perk. If you don’t have the challenge system, if you have no unfinished books and don’t replay, there is very little benefit to the unlimited keys. For me, personally, I like to binge books, so unlimited keys was the feature that interested me the most. Plus the unlimited keys let me catch up on the books I’d abandoned (which I was never going to do at 2 chatpers at a time), which was also nice. So for me, it was a perk I was interested in and that I always considered worth it.

Then last week, I got the new challenge reward system and it made the unlimited keys even more valuable. With the challenge system I get 15 diamonds per completed book and 2 diamonds per 3 chapters and already-played books count. So I can replay books and earn diamonds for it, 25 diamonds for the average book. That is a pretty amazing bonus and makes unlimited keys very, very worth it.

Conclusion

For me, VIP is worth it. I can tap through and binge books while doing other things and collect my 15+ diamonds. Plus, I spend roughly $50 a month on Choices and if I only have to spend $20, then I will definitely be coming out ahead and I can replay my favorite Choices books as often as I like (and have done so already, to the benefit of both me and PB as I found myself buying a few scenes I had to before in several books).

But I buy diamonds regularly, have purchased keys in the past, and have access to the challenge system. If none of those apply to you, then I am not sure whether VIP would be worth it or not, but I do think the perks are getting better and that they are changing the direction of the game to highlight VIP (adding the challenge system, having a daily release book, and so on) and I think that we will see increased benefits for VIP in the coming months. And I would absolutely recommend it to anyone who buys diamonds and keys regularly and definitely for anyone who has access to the challenge system.

#playchoices #long post #vip

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faerune · 4 years ago

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💘 + leon and cassie 🔫 now

also asked by @ottobooty!

where they first met and how hot local racoon city survivors in YOUR area want to fuck! no for real, cassie had holed up in a diner with a group of other survivors and prior to leon getting to the police station he helps cassie fix/find parts to load up an old delivery truck in the back alley to get them all to safety. when leon leaves cassie promises to come back and make sure he + claire have a ride out of town and she does appear in that last shot in her shitty little happy dairy truck like hey you guys look like you need a ride.

how long their ‘flirting’ phase was before feelings got involved cassie has always been kinda of a flirt just offhandedly and i feel like leon is kinda of the same way just he’s cheesy and awkward about it when he’s a little younger. they flirt during the couple months they’re all trying to get their bearings after racoon city and then don’t really stay in touch much until the gov drags them both in separately.

after that more flirting, some undercover missions and zombies and leon finally asks her to dinner. cassie teases ‘don’t expect me to put out on the first date just because you saved my ass today’ pft.

who fell for who first cassie will never ever admit it but it was her. like hard. she fell for leon like she was carrying a drink carrier full of hot coffee across a busy intersection in new york, tripped off the curb in front of hundreds of people and slammed her knee into the pavement.

where their first date was and what it was like dinner and a movie! cassie loves film but also is not a snob and adores laughably bad movies so they went and saw a goofy ass B action movie and then went to a late dinner at a diner that they always eat at after work.

who asks who out and how ( with a sign? spelled out on a cake? just a simple ‘will you go out with me’? ) leon just pretty simply says let me take you to dinner and cassie teases ‘oh are you asking me on a date kennedy?’ and he just shrugs and goes ‘yeah. i am’ cassie admittedly gets like flustered for half a second and she’s like. okay cool fine.

who proposes first cassie. she’s been so weird and avoidant about getting married so leon has always let her bring it up. when they get back together a few months later they’re laying in bed together and cassie is like can you propose to me now? and leon is like well do you wanna be surprised or do you want the ring now? and cassie just smiles and plops her head on his chest and is like ‘surprise is okay’.

if they keep / kept their relationship secret or let everyone know right away due to their jobs and them being afraid of having each other just be another thing people hold over their heads to keep them working there, they keep it really quiet at the beginning. everyone on their team kinda knows but they aren’t announcing it everywhere.

where the proposal happens and how ( kiss cam at a baseball game? on a hillside surrounded by ducks? at a disney park? ) leon takes her out to dinner and then they take a walk in the park! they sit on a little bench all lit up by the winter christmas lights and he gets down on one knee :’)

if they adopt any pets together absolutely! i just have not figured out what kind yet! probably a cat because cassie has cat person energy.

who’s more dominant it kinda flip flops. cassie is more dominant in terms of talking to people, making decisions but in terms of progressing the relationship that’s definitely leon. in terms of some more ahem other times cassie’s a brat and leon just wants to give her whatever she wants.

where their first kiss was and what it was like they’ve kissed on undercover missions before but i’m not sure if it really “counts”. their first kiss as just leon and cassie was when leon dropped her off at her place after their date and cassie pulled him down for a kiss. after they finished leon was smiling all dopey and still kind of leaning down to her and she just smirked at him and wished him a good night.

if they have any matching couples stuff ( mugs? sweaters? pillowcases? ) sdgjksdg i can see them at the most having like a set of cute matching mugs but that’s about it. cassie would die before wearing matching sweaters with him no matter how much she loves him.

how into pda they are they hand hold/give each other pecks/leon throws his arm around her shoulders while they walk but they’re not too obnoxious about it! cassie likes it but if he tries to do anything else she gets flustered. admittedly, leon kinda loves when she does so he’s always whispering sweet stuff in her ears while she tries to elbow him in the stomach sdklgsdg.

who holds the umbrella when it rains leon!! he’s taller so it just makes sense.

where their usual ‘date spot’ is the diner where they just always got dinner cause it was near the facility where they worked together for so long! they both have never been to DC so they just went to the nearest place after their first day and they were like so this is OUR diner.

who’s more protective leon. cassie is very annoyed by it pft. especially when she pops up during the civil war. ya know. in the middle of an actual warzone with possible biological weapons. cassie: :) im here to cause problems on purpose. leon: why in the FUCK is my ex here armed with a thousand dollar camera and a tiny pistol.

how long it is before they sleep together they almost sleep together the day before their second date, making out on leon’s desk but they get interrupted and they’re like okay we gotta chill. leon arrives to pick her up for their date and cassie yanks him into her bedroom. needless to say they miss their movie.

if they argue about anything they bicker playfully but also cassie accuses leon of not treating her like an adult who can make her own decisions because he’s so fucking overprotective. leon accuses cassie of being careless with her life. they have i guess..not arguments but debates over morals?

who leaves more marks ( lipstick, hickeys, scratchmarks etc. ) leon leaves hickeys like he’s a teenager but he’s usually good about keeping them in places that can’t be seen. cassie wears red lipstick a lot so leon has to pay extra attention if they sneak away at work to make sure he doesn’t have it smeared all over his lips. she likes to kiss his cheek and leave a big mark too.

who steals whose clothes and how often cassie: not your hoodies babe, our hoodies.

how they cuddle ( spooning? facing each other? ) they are spooners through and through. cassie needs to be held and leon is happy to do it.

what their favourite nonsexual activity is watching movies together! leon is happy that cassie wants to share all her favorites with him and they have movie nights.

how long they stay mad at each other leon normally just needs a second to cool down normally but cassie holds a grudge for a day or maybe two then she’s ready to talk. but uh...in terms of big betrayals leon gives off the im not angry im disappointed and betrayed and you hurt me energy loud and clear and takes a long time to forgive and settle. it’s the worst cassie has ever felt.

what their usual coffee / tea orders are cassie gets a tall black coffee (iced or hot depending on the season) and leon likes lattes with whipped cream and carmel.

if they ever have any children together yes absolutely! i haven’t decided on names or anything yet but they definitely have two little boys just because that tweet that’s about that dad and two lil boys getting out of the car and the dad goes “who can go hug mom the fastest?!” is THEM.

if they have any special pet names for each other pretty normal ones! baby, babe are the most common. cassie likes to say honey and dear sarcastically because she thinks those make her sound like she’s a 50s housewife but secretly kinda likes calling him honey.

if they ever split up and / or get back together hah UH yeah. cassie leaks information about completed STRATCOM ops and leon eventually finds out and they have a huge fight. leon leaves the next morning and they end their relationship. he doesn’t turn her in because he still loves her and knows she did it with goodness in her heart but he’s just so conflicted. he just basically says turn in your resignation and leaves. they do eventually get back together! they break up early 2004, see each other in 2006 when cassie reaches out to him for his contacts to help her father who gets sick and then in 2011 they’re present in the civil war in the east and they get together after reconnecting through that.

what their first christmas / hanukkah / etc as a couple was like they meet each other’s parents for the first time! they invite them over for dinner along with cassie’s sisters and nieces and nephews. it’s VERY chaotic but it goes really well. leon’s mom loves cassie. uhh cassie’s dad scares the shit out of leon just because he’s a Jokester and lives for freaking leon out because he’s so obviously very nervous lmao.

what their names are in each other’s phones leon’s phone has cassie as “cassidy 🖤”. cassie has him in her phone just as “baby”. bonus she has his name in her phone the few days after they decide to have a kid as “sperm donor”. leon goes “cassie” in his disappointed voice and she rolls her eyes and finally changes it.

if they have any ‘couple traditions’ ( buying a new mug for their collection every year? baking every friday evening? ) at the moment just their friday movie nights and whenever they go out of country on a mission they buy a magnet for their fridge!

who falls asleep first and who wakes up first leon usually falls asleep first and wakes up first. cassie usually stays up late on her laptop researching and writing.

who’s the big spoon / little spoon leon is big spoon 80% of the time but he likes to be jetpacked too!

who hogs the bathroom leon after he gets back from a really gross ass mission takes hours but cassie usually hogs it day to day.

who kills the spiders / takes them outside cassie flips out and leon gets a cup and a piece of paper, puts the little guy outside. there have been multiple occasions where it sounded like cassie was in legit danger and leon came skidding into the bathroom only to find cassie standing on the toilet.

#chuckhansen #asks #PHEW #thank you so much you guys <333333 #this helped me a lot with them tbh #ship: conflict of interest

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thinking-in-symbols · 4 years ago

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Quinquennial Life Assessment

So, it’s been a few years. When I was 19 I posted a sort of “roadmap” for the evolution of my life on this blog. Today I thought I’d revisit that. I want to take a look back and see what progress I’ve made, and then in a separate post I want to turn to the future, think about how my vision for it has changed, and consider how I can reincorporate these goals into that vision.

This is the list of things I wanted to get done in varying time frames. I’ve crossed off the things I’ve done to get a sense of my progress:

1 year:

At 19, my hopes were to accomplish the following things by age 20:

- Joined, and consistently participated in, at least 2 campus organizations that suit my interests, at least 1 of which should be competitive in nature - well, I joined the ISO and KVRX, my college radio station! Neither of those were competitive, but in retrospect I don’t really care about that :-)

- Made concrete plans to study abroad - Nope, unfortunately I never did this. I’m not quite sure I regret that, all things considered - I traded that experience for other things. I did make plans to spend a few months abroad of my own accord, and I would have gotten away with it, too, if it weren’t for that meddling global pandemic. But as it stands I haven’t done this.

- Learned C++ and python to proficiency - Hm. “Proficient” is a relative term. But I think I have a tendency to downplay my skills, so in the interest of counteracting that I’m going to count myself as “proficient” in these languages. I think that’s fair.

- Gone on at least a several day road trip with at least 1 friend - I’ve gone on several trips with @meeshbug, my very lovely girlfriend and best friend in the world :-)

- Decided on a concentration beyond the extremely vague umbrella of “computer science” - Unfortunately as far as my education is concerned I never really did this. If anything my interests have *broadened* rather than becoming more focused. More on this later...

- Made meaningful, ongoing contributions to an open-source project - You know what? I’ve published the source of everything I’ve ever made, and I’ve gotten to the point where I can make stuff that’s not trivial. So I’m giving myself credit for this one.

- Learned to cook enough meals to eat in most days and not get sick of my own food - I wish. I’ve learned to cook a fair amount of stuff but I still get way too depressed and lethargic to apply that consistently. Whether I consider myself to have achieved this honestly depends on the month.

- Learned to keep my living area clean - I’m much better at this than I was at 19, but at 19 I could barely clear a path to walk across my room. So there’s more work to do. More on these last two later.

- Gotten a pet - Meesh and I have a dog named Courage (after the dog of cowardly fame) and a cat named Jax!

2 years:

- Independently written a piece of software to completion and deployed it publicly - I’ve always pretty bad at actually seeing projects through to completion, but I do have a few full, independent projects under my belt at this point. I’ve built a simple game engine, a pathtracer, plugins for games I like, and some other stuff.

- purchased and begun regularly using some basic amateur radio equipment - Ah man. I got my license but I still haven’t gotten any equipment. I guess I have to get on that...

- purchased and begun experimenting with some basic music recording equipment - This one I’ve done, but I haven’t done as much experimenting as I’d like.

- hosted a party - I did this for my 21st birthday and it’s one of my favorite memories! Honestly this was probably the last time I had all my really close friends in one place. I’m actually getting kind of emotional about that.

- done some kind of hallucinogen - I have now done this. I definitely did get something out of it, albeit not what I expected. This is something I actually only did pretty recently and it’s still having a pretty profound effect. Maybe I’ll write a separate post about this.

- Gone camping with friends - Despite my best efforts, this hasn’t happened yet. Pretty fucked up.

3 years:

- learned to play another instrument besides the piano (guitar?) - I don’t feel comfortable crossing this one off quite yet, but I went ahead and bought myself some guitar equipment and have been messing around with it lately :-) I think I’m going to have to bite the bullet and pay for lessons if I’m serious about this, which I am.

- Written and recorded a song - Damn, I can’t believe it’s been 5 years and I haven’t even done this.

- Met a group of people I can play music with - nope

- Owned a leather jacket. I can’t believe I’ve still never even owned a leather jacket - I’ve done this and wore it frankly too much. Kinda cringe.

- Worked as a professional software developer - Yep! Worked as a software developer for a retail company for a couple years. I’m actually not working as a software developer right now, though; I’m working in a sort of adjacent position. More on this later.

- Participated in research related to my field - That’s pretty ambitious. Not sure I’ll ever do this, unfortunately. But we’ll see.

- Been to a film festival - Oh shit, I totally forgot about having written this. That’s a cool idea. I should do this, it’s not like it’s hard (well, at least in principle. I guess covid kind of changes the situation).

- Gotten a dog - Courage is one of those, I think, although he might also be part rat.

- collected 50 records - Lol, my dumb ass really thought I was going to buy $1,000 worth of records on college money. No, I haven’t done this, but I’m on my way there.

- Purchased a desktop computer - Well, my dad gave me his old desktop. That’s not really a purchase but I think it counts.

5 years:

- Begun accepting freelance development gigs - haven’t gotten here yet and I’m not totally sure this is a direction I want to go in my career. Freelancing has its own stressors as I’ve come to learn from others. No career path is sunshine and roses and I’m trying to internalize this fact.

- Participated in a student film - Nope. I don’t even know why I wrote this down to be honest.

- Gotten laid by solving a 5x5 Rubik’s Cube in front of a girl because surely that’s gonna have to work on someone eventually, otherwise I wasted a lot of time - These are getting weird. Surely I didn’t really expect this to happen, right? Well, either way I now have a long-term girlfriend, so I don’t - wait, Meesh has seen me solve a Rubik’s cube and she saw it before we started dating. So actually I’m going to give myself credit for it. I’m the one who makes the rules here.

- Fleshed out my political opinions - Yes, I now know everything about politics and can answer 100% of questions on political issues. Just kidding. But I know where I stand.

- Participated in a protest or some other kind of political event - Done! Went to a few protests as part of the ISO, participated in lots of their events, and attended some protests with friends as well.

- Studied abroad - Nope :-/

- Learned a language other than Spanish - I took a semester of French! But I don’t quite want to give myself credit for this one because I really would like to learn a different language to something resembling fluency.

- Run a marathon - Lmao. I am in much worse shape now than I was when I wrote this post, and even at that time I could probably do like 7 miles if I really pushed myself. How sad.

- Gone hiking outside of texas - This is weird because I’d literally already done this when I wrote this post. But I’ve done it more since then, so hey!

- Been out of the country with a friend - This I had also already done. I guess the point is to have done it without “adult supervision” or whatever. I haven’t done this since writing this list so I guess I have to leave it uncrossed.

10 years:

- Lived with a girl for an extended period of time - Meesh 🥰

- Spent at least 6 months living on the road in an RV, preferably with a dog and a girl - God, I am so close to being able to do this. I don’t want it to be an RV anymore - those things are expensive. But a van? Still pricey, but doable, especially if I’m willing to sacrifice some comfort. This has actually been front-of-mind for a while. I’ll let you know when I get the balls to pull the trigger.

- Started making Real Money - Well, yep, I have gotten to that point. I do have other thoughts on this, though. Money is weird, man.

- Lived in a long-term living space outside of Texas (i.e. not including RV time) - How long is long-term? Three months? If so, I’ve done this by living in Boston with Meesh for a few months after she went there for law school. However, I anticipate staying there much longer in the near future, so I’ll wait on this crossing this one off.

- Written a book about something, idk - Not yet. I’m halfway to the deadline on this one and I have some ideas, but ideas aren’t worth all that much, especially to me, who rarely sees them through. We’ll see where this goes. It’s not exactly a priority and historically I struggle to get even my priorities done. It might make more sense to replace this with recording a concept or narrative album, for which I also have ideas that I happen to take more seriously.

- Learned to solve a 6x6 Rubik’s Cube - nope

- Gotten laid by solving a 6x6 Rubik’s Cube - nope

- Lived in an apartment where I pay all the rent - Yes! :-))) We love independence

- Earned an advanced degree (this one’s iffy) - This hasn’t happened, and whether it will ever happen is something I’ve been thinking a lot about. I sort of decided half-way through college that I would be totally burned out on school by the time I graduated. But in retrospect it takes way less time to burn out on work than it does to burn out on school, and grad degrees are a different kind of thing. So it’s worth revisiting.’

- Given a best man speech (Sam, this means you have to get married within the next 10 years. Good luck out there.) - Holy shit, Sam, you maniac, you actually did it! Sam got married back in 2019 and I gave his best man speech! It’s another one of my favorite memories :-)

- Gone on a cruise with someone I’m dating - Hmm, not yet. I’ve gone on cool trips, but none on a boat. Maybe that’s something to aim for after the pandemic passes :-)

Retrospective:

1yr: Completed: 5/9

More than half isn’t bad! I’m not gonna worry too much about whether I got these things done within their assigned “time-frame”. I’m a procrastinator in my heart and I don’t see any reason to put that kind of pressure on myself. The point is, they got done. That’s enough for me.

The things I did best in in this category were academic things, and things to do with relationships. I’m proud of the academic achievements, I really feel like doing them has increased my belief in myself and my sense that I’m good at the thing I’ve spent the last four years studying. And of course, I am so happy to be in a loving, fulfilling relationship that brings so many good things into my life. I almost feel like the things I accomplished sort of fell into my lap - of course I’m gonna do programming stuff as a programming student, and getting pets / going on road trips are things I did as a result of my relationship with Meesh. I don’t say that to downplay the accomplishments, but I do think it’s worth noting.

The things I haven’t done are more to do with personal development, which is disappointing. I would like to be able to say, 5 years down the road, that I’ve done the personal development I expected to do in just a single year, but maybe that’s a lot to expect. These are problems I’ve dealt with my whole life. I think what this means is that I can’t expect everything to fall into my lap. Those things are going to take real concerted effort to change. I’m not quite sure how to go about that, though.

2yrs: Completed: 4/6

Two-thirds! Even better!

Lots of these are one-time accomplishments, not so much long-term commitments to personal development. The good news is, I did them, and I think those resulted in some development in their own right :-)

Again, though, the things I didn’t do so well are the things that require long-term, concerted effort. For instance, while I crossed off the one about experimenting with music, it’s really only the initial investment that I’ve really done at this point. It remains to be seen whether I’ll be able to follow through on the commitment to actually experiment and learn.

3yrs: Completed: 4/10

This category also follows the same pattern I’ve noticed with the last two. The other thing I’m noticing is that so, so much of my effort over the past few years has been going towards developing a very particular skill: programming / computer science. Music and art are so important to me, but I’ve done very little real development in those areas. I mean, I’ve done some. But not as much as I would have hoped for half a decade.

5yrs: Completed: 4/10

This is getting a little more fun because less of my goals have to do explicitly with my degree. I’m starting to think beyond college, which is good, because the stage of life I’m in right now requires me to start thinking about the kind of life I want to build now that I’m done with school. Also, I’m at the deadline for this one right now! So this is a particularly interesting category because it really shows where I thought I’d be by this time.

The goals I accomplished in this timeframe are, again, mostly things I’ve done through my relationship, but politics also feature pretty prominently on this part of the list. I spent a lot of time reading and researching political issues during college and really did look for ways to participate. I honestly made politics a pretty big part of my identity over the last 5 years, and I think it will stay that way forever, but I’ve gotten to the point where I think I need to devote less of my mental energy to knowing more. I know what I need to know. It’s time to think about other things.

10yrs: Completed: 4/11 (and counting!)

There’s some career stuff in this section that I’ve been able to do, which is good news. I’ve always been scared about entering the working world. All things told, it’s gone more smoothly than it could have. But I also have lots of lingering doubts about what I want to do in the long term. So one of the most pressing goals I should aim for is to resolve those doubts.

Ultimately, I have a lot of time left, and I’m not even done with this time frame, so I’m not gonna spend much time dissecting the things I haven’t done. What I’ll do instead is say that while I didn’t do everything on this list, I feel proud of the things I have accomplished. I said when I first wrote this list that it’s sometimes hard for me to feel that my life is moving in any particular direction, and I’m still feeling like that five years later, to be honest. But looking back on these things has helped me see that I actually am making progress in my life. Not in all the ways I want to, but that’s OK. There’s still time.

In the next couple days I want to come back to this and reorganize this list into an updated set of goals, for the same time frames. Maybe that will help me think through exactly what it is I want out of the next five-ten years, with the benefit of having analyzed the things that I did and didn’t do well over the previous five.

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cruddyborderlandstheories · 4 years ago

Text

THE SEEIN’ DEAD MOD IS A BAND-AID FIX

gearbox locked zane’s lazy fix behind a paywall

tl;dr: for the love of god, the seein’ dead class mod should be what the seein’ red capstone is and vice versa. also. MORE SYNERGY. also i redesigned all of Zane’s trees and augments for more synergy you’re welcome.

is 1am and i don’t want tomorrow and im angry and thinking about borderlands so this seems like the perfect time to immerse myself in remaking Zane’s skill trees (for the 5th time). mainly because some of zane’s skills are still irking me and i’ve written extensive essays for the bl3 subreddit about the seein’ dead class mod and just playing around with zane’s skills in general, but i don’t think i’ve ever posted here before about it. so here we are. i notice i usually save lore/theories/characterizations for this blog and meta/balancing/gear talk for reddit. not sure why that’s a split for me.

now i’ve remade zane’s skills a number of times, but honestly this was all before the seein’ dead mod was released. then, instead of fixing his skill trees, i wrote a lot of essays about why that mod was a terrible bad decision on gearbox’s part (you can read one of the shorter arguments in a comment from 5 months ago here). I’m just gonna remake the skill trees now with all his current abilities in mind.this post really should be titled: ALL THE PROBLEMS WITH THEIR BALANCING DECISIONS

so imma just talk for a bit about why i love/hate the seein’ dead class mod.

Obviously it’s a god tier mod, and you see almost no zane builds without it, and no top tier, can solo m10 true takedown builds without it (unless ur like, the 1% of masochistic players, in which case i salute you). and while that obviously means its a good mod, it also shows the problems with all his other class mods and his skill trees in general.

They all kinda suck. and that wouldn’t be a problem, bc, hey, the seein’ dead mod is ez to get, just pop on over to the casino and kill a few baddies and they’ll drop like candy. Which is really awesome!

slight problem.

the dlc is locked behind a PAYWALL

now this is a problem because if zane was a top tier character BEFORE the dlc, and everything was hunky dory and people weren’t on their knees begging for gearbox to fix Zane, then him getting a new badass class mod wouldn’t be such a big deal. but the problem was this was gearbox’s solution to giving Zane a buff.

they literally locked a buff for a character behind a pay wall.

I recommend Zane is every single person I try to convince to play bl3, but i always have to add this like, commercial-esque asterisk. you know, terms and conditions or, side effects or whatever. *you probably want to get the seein’ dead mod if you’re looking at end-game play because unless you wanna struggle that’s his only viable play style.

what if they don’t want to buy the dlc?! for real...

There’s also the point that this class mod makes his (arguably) BEST capstone obsolete. so we have distributed denial which literally no one uses because its broken, double barrel which is always traded for seein’ red or more points in other skills, and seein’ red, WHICH WAS MADE USELESS BY THIS CLASS MOD

gsfdhjikdhgdaskjfhgaskdfjh

okay and it wouldn’t even be so bad

IF THEY DIDN’T CHANGE HIS ENTIRE SKILL SET BEFORE RELEASE

like they lowered ALL his kill skills, then they turned Seein’ Red into his capstone instead of Death Follows Close, meaning they nerfed Death Follows Close so it could fit as just a game changer. my poor boy was g u t t e d.

so, imagine this, everyone is reaching the end-game content of bl3. it’s a month or 2 weeks or whatever after the game dropped and people are finally hitting level 50. and moze/fl4k/amara are all killin’ it, and the zane players have to work their ASSES off to do like... 50% of that damage output (now, they did also eventually nerf the crap outta moze and fl4k but the point stands).

so instead of gearbox going: “oh... shit that pre-release nerf was an awful idea, revert the changes guys” they decided to keep him gutted and then they released what was, in my opinion, a kick in the nuts with the maliwan takedown (aka the antifreeze mod, alongside the spiritual driver) ahahahahahaha. what good times it was. (I say this sarcastically.)

man i remember people were soooo livid with that class mod release. well, both of them. zane mains were pissed off (for good reason). “yes, let’s make the people who are begging for a straight damage increase jump through MORE hoops (LITERALLY) for a pitiful amount of damage. oh, also, let’s give their 28 skill point build to the strongest character in the game for free and also make it 10x better”. because it was 10x better than violent momentum (driver didn’t have a damage cap) until they fixed both the spiritual driver and the violent momentum skill. it was the worst of times.

i will note here they did, around this time, let zane have stackable kill skills, but it was only 2 stacks and also it was still *incredibly* difficult to achieve stacks because zane just. struggled to kill anything. I still remember when i grinded the shit outta an antifreeze class mod and it took me over 20 minutes to kill Wotan my first time solo on m4. Not the fight UP to wotan. literally. just killing wotan.

then the seein’ dead mod dropped and i had. a fuckin. 15 minute decrease to my time on killing wotan (5 minutes!!!!). now i am not perfect, and i 100% believe i could’ve lowered the time even more. but that... that shows a VERY CLEAR problem.

they never actually fixed zane, they gave him a class mod that’s stupid OP just to make sure he could hang on next to the other Vault Hunters. it’s just a bandaid fix. you remove the class mod, and he’s back to pre-jackpot power levels (which will NOT hold up at m10, let me tell you).

all his pre-jackpot problems are still here, and that’s why people are not using any other class mod of his. I bet we could have some really fun builds with the conductor mod! but nobody will ever use it because it’s just... not even close to the seein’ dead mod.

So what does the seein’ dead mod do that makes Zane so good?

IT BRINGS HIM BACK TO PRE-RELEASE VALUES

this mod, plus Death Follows Close, brings Zane back to pre-release zane. and i don’t understand how gearbox isn’t putting two and two together and going “Oh.”

it also is a BETTER VERSION of Seein’ Red!!! something players could have had at, like, level 15, but instead had to wait until they hit a capstone! the capstone is completely obsolete at this point. There is nothing seein’ red can give you that seein’ dead doesn’t do but better. Getting that capstone is a w a s t e of skill points.

AND they locked this fix behind a pay wall!!! i cannot say that enough. you don’t wanna get the handsome jackpot dlc?? guess u don’t wanna play zane at endgame then. too bad, so sad.

have i stated that enough? because it still blows my fuckin mind. THEY LOCKED A CHARACTER FIX BEHIND A PAYWALL

djhdgakjhakjdah. imagine playing without any prior knowledge and being like, aw man i love this zane character. can’t wait to get to max mayhem end game like all my favorite youtubers and friends!! then finding out you gotta drop 15 bucks or whatever it is just to actually be able to play at max mayhem level. that is not a skill difference, that is A BALANCING PROBLEM MY DUDES. like. my favorite zer0 build was still viable without the story DLCs. obviously grog > rubi, pimp > lyuda, rapier > law but, it was still fuckin viable.

guh. gufhgufhsdgkfjsdh. it bothers me.

ok so there’s a lot i just went over: my main issue? is that by making Seein’ Red a capstone, they did nothing to make it an actual legit capstone. They definitely nerfed Death Followed Close to make it a gamechanger, but they never gave Seein’ Red a buff to move it from a gamechanger to a capstone. It was the same exact skill. Seein’ Dead is what Seein’ Red SHOULD be and that’s what angers the crap outta me. they locked this obvious fix behind a pay wall (AND a gear slot!!!!!) n ur probably thinking ‘but cruddy this WAS really nice of them to try and fix zane... they could’ve just let him be suuc’ and like, yeah, they could’ve, and it is good they’re TRYING, but also, they’re leaving the people who DON’T buy the DLC high and dry.

keep in mind i DO own the dlc. have the season pass and everything. IM STILL MAD!!!

Zane should be strong no matter what class mod the players want to use. Same with Amara, same with Moze, same with Fl4k. FFS, it is not that hard. CHANGE THEIR SKILLS!!!!!

so im gonna be taking the time to go over all of zane’s skills and shit just to put him more on par with the others (WITHOUT THE SEEIN’ DEAD MOD)

imagine the seein’ dead mod doesn’t exist for this. we’re gonna make a balanced character since apparently THAT’S TOO HARD FOR A TRIPLE-A BALANCING TEAM

first things first, the tree with the most fuckin problems:

Under Cover

oh god this tree is a fucking train wreck what the hell were they thinking. good god. my eyes. they’re burning.

not actually, but it still kinda sucks.

Action Skill: Barrier is fine. I would not add the ‘picking it up decreases benefits’ when Zane’s whole schtick is running around fast. You get the full bonus no matter what form it’s in. also, you can hold down the action skill activation button to deploy the barrier directly on yourself.

Tier 1: Hearty Stock is a trap. never get this. so dumb. no synergy with his other skills. Adrenaline is okay, but not really great during end game. Ready For Action is similarly okay. Just a very MEH start to this tree.

Adrenaline: Zane gains increased Action Skill Cooldown Rate. 10% per level, up to 50%. this shouldn’t be tied to his shields being full because if your barrier is down (cooling DOWN)... your shield is taking damage. c’mon now. THINK GEARBOX T H I N K

Hearty Stock: (maxed) Zane and his clone gain 5% magazine regeneration while an action skill is active. This skill stacks. In it’s original state, this skill is such a trap skill. for real.

Ready For Action: i mean, it’s fine. We’ll keep it. +30% shield recharge rate and -29% (why????) recharge delay

Tier 2: ech. Stiff Upper Lip is not that good. Brain freeze is what u really want. Rise to the Occasion is also okay.

Brain Freeze: keep the same.

Stiff Upper Lip: when Zane is damaged with a hit that would break his shield, he gains (max) +20% bonus gun damage on his next shot through the barrier.

Rise to the Occasion: Zane and his clone gain health regeneration. +5% max health/s. Not determined by shield availability.

Tier 3: `screams in confident competence` oh lawd. this skill is good. the accuracy thing is kinda laughable. i tell you, i always thought that zane was originally meant to be the sniper with the Under Cover tree but they decided to swap Zane and Fl4k’s skills. which is why Zane has soooo many accuracy buffs.

Confident Competence: fine the way it is. I would also add, since this IS a game changer, that the Barrier’s damage amp is now 40%.

Tier 4: ew. tier 4. Really Expensive Jacket is literally the only skill you might want to get and EVEN THEN. ugh. Best Served Cold is so pointless. and so is Futility Belt. YOU TAKE MORE DAMAGE WITH IT

Really Expensive Jacket: Elemental Status Effects have reduced duration (-50%). Additionally, Zane is not slowed by Cryo anymore.

Best Served Cold: Remove the cooldown. Buff up the damage at least 200%. Make it an AOE Brain Freeze. That is, the cryo novas stack and if overkill damage is high enough, enemies hit with the novas freeze. Kinda like a discount Frozen Heart.

Futility Belt: HA. Ahahahahaha. Ha. Zane gains resistance to non-elemental and cryo damage (+15%). Futhermore, after killing an enemy, Zane’s barrier gains additional cryo damage (+20%) for 8s.

Tier 5: is oki. My only real complaint is with Nerves of Steel. Like. Seriously.

Refreshment: god tier skill actually. Keep the same.

Best Served Cold: also keep the same. The only change I will make is this: resetting your action skills’ cooldowns counts as action skill start and end.

Nerves of Steel: The longer Zane’s barrier is active, the more stacks of Nerves of Steel he gains (a maximum of 15). For each stack, Zane gains 2% shock damage, 2% cryo efficiency, and 1% damage to frozen enemies. (why shock damage? cryo doesn’t do well against shields.)

Tier 6: *cries in the worst capstone in the entire series* WHO DID THIS. WHY. WHAT’S WRONG WITH YOU???

Distributed Denial: no. just. no. scrap this whole damn thing. IT DOESN’T EVEN WORK!!!! either fix it COMPLETELY or do something else. My recommendation? Whenever Zane throws down his barrier, his shield instantly begins recharging. If Zane’s shield is already full or recharging, enemies with no shields (or freeze immunity) that touch Zane’s Barrier for the next 10s are instantly frozen.

Augments: why the hell do i gotta place my barrier down when my entire fuckin’ character is about RUNNING. ALSO JUST AS A BLANKET STATEMENT: ALL THESE AUGMENTS WORK 100% EVEN IF HIS BARRIER IS PICKED UP. SO DUMB. a fully pointless restriction.

that last sentence immediately fixes Charged Relay and Nanites or Some Shite.

Redistribution: If his shields are full, Zane can sacrifice 50% of his shields to have his next shot deal 100% bonus cryo damage by holding F.

All-Rounder: Fine as is. Only thing I would add: whenever Zane melees an enemy, his shields are drained by 50% and his sliding augment is added to the melee attack.

Deterrence Field: Fine as is. But! I would add: whenever Zane sprints into an enemy, his shields are drained by 50% and slam augment is activated.

THAT WAY we can have both slam/sliding relics actually DO SOMETHING. because my god they’re so useless rn.

alright, moving on.

Hitman

Tier 1: is okay. nobody ever takes cold bore. ever.

Violent Speed: fine as is, but we’re taking it back to pre-release values. Max: 30%. can stack 2x.

Cold Bore: Zane gains (max) 20% bonus cryo damage to all shots fired while moving.

Violent Momentum: fine as is, but taking it back to pre-release values. 30% gun damage at default walk speed. Additionally, Zane can now shoot while sprinting.

Tier 2: my boy zoomer needs more fun.

Cool Hand: fine as it is. I would buff his base reload speed up to 20% and kill skill reload to 20% as well. 17 and 13 are such weird numbers.

Drone Delivery: fine as it is. Additionally, Zoomer’s base shots now take on the element of Zane’s grenade mod.

Salvation: fine as it is. I won’t mess with this bc life steal is messy business (coughs in grog)

Tier 3: hhhynf.fdsg.

Death Follows Close: Kill Skill Bonus: +30%. Kill Skill Time: +7s. Additionally, enemies targeted by Zoomer take 5% more damage from Zane.

Tier 4: these two skills are actually p dope by themselves. it can stay as it is. I would MAYBE increase the violent violence max buff up to 20% but that’s just me.

Tier 5: ahahahaha. this skill. just remember, we’re pretending Seein’ Dead doesn’t exist, so imagine how this skill looks next to calm cool n collected. so pointless.

Good Misfortune: Killing an enemy with a critical hit adds (max) 10% efficiency to Zane’s kill skills for 8s. This does not stack.

Tier 6: WE’RE GONNA MAKE YOU RELEVANT AGAIN BOO HANG IN THERE

Seein’ Red: Zane has a (4%) chance to activate his kill skills upon dealing gun damage to an enemy. Additionally, enemies targeted by Zoomer now take 15% more damage from Zane.

so why didn’t we make good misfortune the infinite action skill build?? BECAUSE THAT’S WHAT CCnC IS SUPPOSED TO DO!!! why have 2 skills that do the exact same thing AT THE EXACT SAME TIER except ONE IS OBJECTIVELY WORSE!!!!!

what happens to the Seein’ Dead class mod if we’re giving its perk to this capstone? I’m so glad you asked. “Zane activates his kill skills when activating his action skills. Additionally, the kill skills activated this way have 15% more efficiency”. look how much better balanced that is!!!! that’s a class mod!!!!!!!!

Augments: these aren’t THAT bad, but they could be a lot better.

Winter’s Drone: Zoomer gains 20% bonus cryo damage to all shots.

Bad Dose: pump these numbers up. Fire Rate: +7% per affected enemy. Movement Speed: +10% per enemy. everything else is fine.

Boomsday: just make this more beefy. fr. It’d be a good choice if it were stronger.

Static Field: also fine. I would again give it better damage output, but that’s just me.

Almighty Ordnance: remove the build up honestly. Like i get the vibe and it’s really cool, but in combat it just DOESN’T WORK. maybe if Zoomer is targeting an enemy, he will unleash the missiles if they are above 50% health after 30s or something. I honestly think these should have a debuffing factor instead of a damage factor (you know, to not get in the way of boomsday). maybe something around 15%? the 1x per action skill activation thing would be easily subverted with CCnC with the changes we suggested, so it could work.

Doubled Agent

ahhh, Blane. Blue Zane. Love ya, buddy. One change: he prioritizes pinged targets. That way you can kinda get him to fight specific people. Also, lower the teleportation timer. pls.

Tier 1: actually p good. could be better, but its not bad.

Synchronicity: Zane gains 20% bonus damage per active action skill. While Zane has an action skill active, he gains a stack of Synchronicity. Max Stacks: 10. For each stack of Synchronicity, Zane gains 5% Action Skill Cooldown Rate and 2% Action Skill Damage.

Praemunitus: Zane and his digiclone gain (max) 30% magazine size.

Borrowed Time: For each action skill active, Zane gains 30% action skill duration. The longer Zane’s action skills are active, he and Blane gain a higher Fire Rate and faster Reload Speed, up to 20%. (the idea is you choose between this or synchronicity bc... either permanent action skills build or fast paced action skills build)

Tier 2: Donnybrook is fun. Fractal Frags is fun. Duct tape mod is a GODDAMN DISAPPOINTMENT

Donnybrook: fine as it is. I might buff the max numbers up to 20% gun damage and 3% health regen. But that’s really it.

Fractal Frags: Blane will periodically toss a grenade from Zane’s stockpile at his targeted enemy (cooldown: 20s). Kill Skill: Blane has a 45% chance to throw a free grenade.

Duct Tape Mod: this skill... why... No cooldown. NONE. Zane has a 1% chance to also fire a grenade from his gun. Kill Skill: This is increased to 15% for 8s (stays at 1% for the whole time, but the kill skill will increase by 3% for each tier)

Tier 3: Actually Quick Breather is one of my favorite skills. this can stay.

Quick Breather: Same as is. Additionally, Zane and his clone gain 25% Gun Damage after swapping places for a short time (8s). I really wanna promote swapping places. It’s really underutilized. they’ve ADDED stuff to this skill already!!! even tho it didn’t work until the next patch. BUT THEY SHOW ITS POSSIBLE TO ADD TO SKILLS!!!

Tier 4: actually a really good tier. a few minor changes.

Pocket Full of Grenades: Kill Skill: Zane gains (max) 15% grenade regeneration for 8s. If Zane’s grenades are full, any excess grenades are shot from his gun with 25% bonus damage.

Old-U: If Zane falls into FFYL while his digiclone is active, he can press the action skill activation key to destroy his clone and gain a second wind. When he does this, he takes the place of his clone. His clone will also drop a grenade when it is destroyed.

Supersonic Man: Zane gains increased movement speed for each active action skill: (max) 15% each. Additionally, teleportation is considered to be Zane’s maximum speed for its duration and 5s after.

Tier 5: oh god oh fuck oh god.

Like a Ghost: Oh god why. Zane and his digiclone gain a (max) 15% chance to ignore all damage while teleporting and for 7s after.

Boom. Enhance: actually a pretty swell skill. I would probably add Health Regen +3% per grenade tho. Blane needs help a lot.

Trick of the Light: bring back the shock damage. Zane deals 40% bonus shock damage for 7s after swapping places with his clone.

Tier 6: oh ngl I actually love this capstone lol

Double Barrel: Zane’s digiclone gains a copy of Zane’s current gun when it is deployed (and all the anointments work and he actually fires it like a reasonable person). Zane’s clone now deals damage equal to Zane’s base weapon damage. Upon swapping places, both Zane and his digiclone deal 50% bonus damage for 7s.

Augments:

Binary System: is okay. Kinda uhhh underwhelming tho. Buff up the damage and also maybe reduce teleportation time.

Schadenfreude: I like this one a lot. Zane’s shield is restored by 100% of the damage his digiclone takes and vice versa.

Dopplebanger: lower the waiting time. I get that u don’t wanna override the teleportation, but it’s really annoying. Buff damage and don’t make it dependent on action skill duration. If this explosion kills an enemy, the clone is reactivated with 50% action skill duration.

Which One’s Real?: I’ve never actually felt this work. Maybe for like 2 seconds? Make it work more like Zer0′s hologram or Timmy’s Jack clones or smth. Maybe give an activation cue? im v lost with this one. Enemies targeting Zane take 30% more damage from the digiclone.

Digital Distribution: 75% of the health damage Zane takes is distributed to his clone instead. The digiclone gains 5% Health Regeneration/s and sends out 3 [level specific damage] shock spikes to enemies that attack it.

literally all Zane needs is SYNERGY. if they can change a few skills, pump up a few numbers, and ffs fix the seein’ red/dead capstone/mod, they’d be in FUCKIN BUSINESS

but no instead

THEY LOCKED THE BUFF BEHIND A PAYWALL.

WHYYYYYY

#>:(#borderlands #im not redirecting my anger im legitimately angrey about this wat u mean #bl3 #zane flynt #but actually this is such a frustrating thing to deal with

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mycatshuman · 5 years ago

Text

Good Deeds

Thomas Has a Scare and Roman is Suspicious

Warnings: mentions of homelessness, characters struggling with homelessness, Remus, bad language? Thomas has a anxiety attack, argument, characters dealing with little food, past child abuse mentioned, Let me know if I missed any.

Pairings: Eventual Prinxiety, background Logicality

Masterlist

Prologue | Previous | Next | More

Thank you to @icequeenoriginal for reading through this for me!! I really appreciate it!

Early morning light slowly flooded the van, rudely waking Virgil up. He groaned and sat up as he fumbled around for a few moments before his hand found the lever to pop the back of the seat back up. He rubbed the sleep from his eyes before grabbing his phone and checking the time. 6:30 A.M. he sighed and glanced back at Thomas sleeping soundly in the back, their belongings shielding the sun from shining into his face. Virgil allowed a soft smile to spread across his face. He moved around a bit to make sure Thomas was secure in his seat before turning the van on with a low rubble. Virgil winced and glanced back at Thomas to check if he was still asleep and let out a sigh of relief when I saw that he still was. Virgil pulled out of the parking lot of the Walmart and drove to a nearby gas station for a single restroom.

With a reluctant heart, Virgil turned around and gently shook Thomas awake. "Thomas," he whispered softly. It's time to get up." Thomas shifted as he made a small grunt before blinking blearily. "It's time to get ready for school."

Thomas groaned and sat up, his hair sticking up at odd angles. "I don't' wanna,'" he whined slightly.

"Oh, really?" Virgil asked with an exaggerated and teasing tone. Thomas hummed in agreement and plopped back into his pillow face first. Virgil sighed dramatically. "Oh well. I guess I have to tell Talyn and Joan you don't want to be their friends anymore."

"No!" Thomas shrieked as he shot up and quickly scrambled to grab his backpack. "I'm excited for school! Let's go! Let's go! Let's go!" Virgil laughed and got out of the car. He went around and opened the side toward and Thomas hopped out. "We're going to brush your teeth and clean your face in the bathroom, okay?" Virgil asked.

"Okay."

The two walked in and went straight to the bathroom where Virgil pulled out a zip lock bag and handed it to Thomas. "Brush your teeth and go to the bathroom. Once you're done, I'll wash your face." Thomas nodded and started brushing his teeth as his brother did the same. "What time is breakfast at school?" Virgil after he spits.

"7:30," Thomas answered around a mouthful of toothpaste.

Virgil hummed and pulled out his phone, checking the time. "Okay, it's 6:50 now and we have around a fifteen-minute drive to school. So long as we're out of here by 7 we should be good." Thomas nodded and spit before rinsing his mouth out. He moved to go to the bathroom while Virgil pulled out some soft wipes and wiped his face and hair. As Thomas washed his hands, Virgil wiped his hair and brushed it before wiping his face clean. "Ready?" Virgil asked after he tossed the wipes away.

"Yup!"

"Okay." The two stepped out of the bathroom and Virgil went down an aisle to grab a box of granola and went to the counter to pay. Once done, the two walked out and hopped into the van and were on their way to school. "Make sure to save whatever you can't eat okay?" Virgil asked as they drove down the road.

Thomas nodded. "Okay, I will."

Virgil sighed. "I'm sorry you have to do this."

Thomas frowned. "What do you mean, Vee?"

"This, the sneaking around and saving leftover food from school just so you can eat a decent amount."

Thomas cocked his head curiously from where he sat in the back seat. "But, Verge, I used to do this all the time."

Virgil paused. "You did?" He asked.

Thomas nodded. "Yeah! The school has these really good things they have for breakfast and I really really like it! So I sometimes don't eat it and save it for later!"

Virgil blinked. "You're...not bothered by this?"

Thomas shook his head quickly. "Nope. It's like an adventure!"

Virgil sat in silence for a few moments. "Well...Okay…" Virgil still felt guilty for how much responsibility his younger brother was having to take upon himself. This wasn't right, Thomas was supposed to be a kid. He was supposed to have fun and cry over things not getting to have sleepovers with his friends every night. He shouldn't be worried about getting kicked out and being homeless. Virgil shook the thoughts out of his head. He could wait until later. Now wasn't the time to cry. Thomas couldn't see.

Finally, he pulled up to the school. Thomas hopped out with an "I love you! See you later!" And Virgil replied in kind with a small smile before he drove off once Thomas was safe inside the school doors.

------

As Virgil drove he allowed the thoughts to come back. They raced around his head, zipping around rapidly with a vengeance. You're a horrible brother. What have you done? You can't even keep your brother protected, you useless piece of shit. You're no better than your parents. Virgil sighed. Used to the negative words aimed at him by now, he parked his car and climbed out before jogging across the street to get in line beside a fairly small building. His stomach grumbled and he flushed red as he was sure others must be looking at him. I'm so embarrassed. He thought. It didn't even occur to him that he was in line to try and get a spot in a homeless shelter and the other people probably were used to hearing that sort of noise. Virgil felt hot pain shoot through his stomach and grimaced. Just ignore it, Virgil. It'll go away after a while.

After a few minutes, Virgil was at the front of the line.

"Name?"

"Virgil."

"Go in."

Virgil grimaced. "I can't-I have a job and uh can't you hold a spot?"

The person looked up from their clipboard. "No, I'm sorry that's against the rules."

Virgil thought about arguing but quickly got out of line and rushed to his van. His face hot and tears already spilling down his face. A weight pressed down heavily on his shoulders as he climbed into his seat and started the engine. Get yourself together you idiot. Virgil roughly wiped the tears away and began driving away. You couldn't even get your brother a decent place to sleep for the night. You're such a failure. Virgil hummed softly and pulled into the parking garage. A quick check of the time told him he had a few hours until he had to pick up Thomas and then it was back to work again. With a heavy sigh, Virgil climbed out of the van and walked inside.

-------

Roman stood as a couple walked into the well-lit meeting room. "We appreciate you seeing us this morning, Mr. and Mrs. Charleston." He shook the man's hand before sitting down.

"What is this about?" The man asked as he sat down, his wife beside him. The two looked stick and severe. Roman could swear the room had dropped a few degrees in temperature since they came in but that was probably just him being dramatic.

"We would like to buy your company."

The man seemed to stiffen, if at all possible, with anger. "My father worked his entire life building that company."

"So did ours," Remus added angrily. Roman grimaced but kept from saying anything. He didn't particularly like making these sorts of deals. It made him feel cold.

"Well, I am aware of that," Mr. Charleston replied.

Roman refrained from biting his lip. "I've been looking at your quarterly reports for the last three years. It doesn't seem like things are looking so good. I don't believe you can survive with those numbers."

"We can. We have been for years," the other replied, anger laced in his tone. "And now that we have picked up Dexter Rose, things are looking up."

Roman nodded with a fake smile. Virgil was right, he really was miserable. "Ah, yes, one of our biggest clients. You pulled them out from under us."

"In order to do so, you would have had to make heavy promises. That would put you in a very good position to sell," Logan replied from where he sat beside Roman.

"That's right Logan. You know, if I were in the same position I probably would have done the same thing."

The man narrowed his eyes. "You think I did all of these things to get you to buy my company?"

"Of course."

The man hummed. "Your father groomed you boys from birth to run his company. He managed to raise a stellar successor." Roman kept his face still as he internally eyed the other suspiciously. "I admired your father. He took a small computer company and turned it into all of this. He was a very brilliant man."

"Oh, yeah. Well, too bad you weren't man enough to say it to his face when he was alive," Remus grunted.

Roman's eyes blew wide. "Remus."

"No, all this guy ever did was torment him."

"Remus."

"You would rather climb into your own fucking grave than watch two brothers beat you at your own damn game."

The couple huffed and stood. "Good day, gentlemen," he turned and left.

"Mr. Charleston! Wait! Sir!"

Roman sighed, tension running through his body. He glanced at his brother and Logan before just walking out to go back to his office. This job was too much. Stress 24/7. He wanted a break. He wanted a new job. He didn't want this life. This was supposed to be Remus's job. This was supposed to Remus in this situation. But no, Dad had given him the job because Remus had started drinking. Roman groaned and sat with his head on his desk. I'm miserable.

------

Thomas stood next to Talyn and Joan as they all waited for their parents, or in his case, his brother. "Can I play the dragon witch tomorrow?" Talyn asked as they pulled their backpack up around their shoulders.

"Sure!" Thomas exclaimed as his brother pulled up in the van. "That's Virgil! I'll see you tomorrow! Bye Talyn! Bye Joan!"

"Bye!" The young kiddos exclaimed as Thomas climbed into the back. Virgil waved to them before pulling away.

"How was school?" Virgil asked.

"Oh! It was great! They had these cinnamon rolls for breakfast and I saved it. I think I'll taste better right before bed."

Virgil chuckled. "Oh really?" He asked as they drove through the city towards his work.

Thomas nodded from his seat. "Yeah! And I got all my homework done already!"

"That's great!" Virgil exclaimed.

"Yeah! Talyn, Joan, and I all worked on it together. Then we played Imagination at recess."

"Ooo! What happened?"

"I was the prince and Joan was the dragon witch and Talyn was the royal who got kidnapped. And I had to go help them escape! But when I got there, they were locked in the dungeon and I had to defeat the dragon witch to save them!"

Virgil laughed. "And did you?"

Thomas nodded excitedly. "Yeah! I made the dragon witch my friend. And tomorrow Talyn's gonna be the dragon witch!"

"That sounds cool!"

"It is!" Thomas agreed.

Virgil bit his lip and pulled into the McDonald's drive-thru against his better judgment. "What kinda toy do you want?" He asked Thomas.

Thomas's eyes lit up and he looked at the menu.

"Ooo! I want the prince!" He exclaimed.

Virgil looked and nodded. "Alright! One prince coming up!" Virgil ordered and soon Thomas was munching happily on chicken nuggets while Virgil fought to open up the plastic wrapping around the prince.

"Hey!" Thomas exclaimed.

Virgil froze. "What? What's wrong?"

"Aren't you gonna eat?" Thomas asked worriedly.

Virgil bit his lip. "Oh no. I ate a little before I picked you up. I'm not hungry right now."

Thomas frowned. "But you'll eat later, right?"

Virgil handed Thomas the unwrapped prince toy with a silent sigh. "Of course," he lied. Thomas tried to see past the lie. "Now, I have to get back to work soon, and you'll be staying in the cleaning closet again, are you okay with that?" Thomas nodded. "And you remember to stay put right?" Another nod. Virgil smiled sadly. "That's a good kiddo."

---------

Roman was once again stuck in his office late. This was becoming the normal though so at least he had brought himself a thermos of soup this time. He moved the papers he had been staring at for hours off to the corner of his desk before pulling out the thermos and spoon he had kept in his desk drawer. With a sad and lonely sigh, he unscrewed the thermos and set it down. He grabbed his spoon and began eating slowly.

The silence of the office slowly began to drive him crazy as he sat there. Eventually, he grew irritated and bored and set his thermos down only to accidentally knock it over when he moved to grab the lid. "Shit!" He exclaimed and pulled the thermos upright and quickly screwed the lid on as he assessed the damage. It wasn't that bad but there was broth nearly all over his desk. Roman groaned and stood up and walked out of his office in search of some paper towels. Down a hallway and to the right he would a storage room and quickly opened the door and picked up a roll of paper towels. He turned to go only to pick up on faint music. He turned around and nearly screamed.

Laying in between two shelves on a pile of blankets laid a small child, their face lit up softly by the light from a laptop. Roman frowned. Upon closer inspection, he suddenly noticed it was Thomas. "Thomas!?!?!" He exclaimed.

The poor kid shot up, fear pounding through his heart as he realized he had been caught. What was going to happen now?!?! Was Virgil going to get into trouble?!?! Was he going to be sent back to that house?!? Were those people going to take him!?!? "Please don't hurt me!" Thomas cried out hysterically.

Roman's eyes widened and he quickly kneeled down to appear less threatening. "Hey," he called softly. "Hey, Thomas, it's just me. It's Prince Roman. I'm here to protect you."

Thomas slowly registered the figure in front of him and then proceeded to fling himself into the other's arms. "Don't let them take me!" Thomas cried out. "Please don't let them take us!" He sobbed as he clung to Roman's torso. Roman frowned and picked up Thomas's things and secured his arms around the young boy.

"Everything is going to be okay," Roman soothed as he carried the sobbing child to his office and laid him down on the couch. "Here," he whispered softly. "Stay right here and I'll go get your brother, okay?"

"Don't let them hurt him!" Thomas cried out as tears poured down his face.

Roman bit his lip. "I won't I promise. You'll be safe in here and once I get your brother, he'll be safe in here too." Roman quickly left his office, not entirely sure he should leave Thomas alone but 100% sure that he needed to find Virgil. However, Virgil must have looked into the storage closet and noticed Thomas was gone because he suddenly ran into Roman. "Woah, slow down-"

"No, please-" Virgil cried, as tears spilled from his eyes.

"He's with me. In my office okay. Come on."

"What?" Virgil exclaimed even as he followed Roman into the big corner office where the sounds of Thomas's sobs bounced off the walls. "Thomas!" Virgil exclaimed as he slid to his side and quickly pulled him into a tight hug.

"Verge!" Thomas sobbed. "I thought they had taken you! I-"

"Shhh," Virgil shushed softly as he cradled his brother and rocked them back and forth. "It's okay. Everything's fine. They're not here. You're okay. I'm okay."

Roman stayed quiet as he stood by awkwardly. Once Thomas had calmed down and seemed to be sleeping, he finally spoke what was on his mind. "Why was Thomas in the closet?" Roman wasn't prepared for the look Virgil gave him as the other shot his head up to glare at him. Roman grimaced. "Look, I'm sorry. But I need to know, you can't just leave your brother in a closet in a building he doesn't know."

Virgil huffed. "Oh really? And what do you know?"

Roman glanced to the side uneasily. "Virgil," he started. "Come on."

"No!" Virgil whispered harshly as he stood with Thomas tucked against his chest. "I don't-I-" Virgil huffed, frustrated. "I don't owe you an explanation." He walked to the door with an angry huff only to pause as those dangerous words spilled from Roman's mouth.

"I could call Child Welfare."

"Call child welfare and send a kid back to his abusive parents?" Virgil questioned coldly. It felt like a slap to Roman's face. "Yeah, good fucking job on that one." He turned and left. But Roman heard one last sentence from Virgil. "I just don't want to lose my brother."

Roman stood frozen. The last bit sounding soft, vulnerable. He felt like he had been shot. Stabbed? He wasn't sure. All he knew was it hurt. Was it guilt? Was it heartbreak? Roman bit his lip, unsure of what to do now. He was torn, while a child shouldn't be in a closet and it raised his suspicions, he supposed it was the only option Virgil may have had. If their parents were truly as terrible as Virgil hinted at, and Child Welfare wasn't aware, then they would surely just send them right back unless they had reason to believe Virgil. And who knows what their parents did. They could have claimed Virgil was a drug addict, made it seem like he was high and stole his brother. Play the pity card.

Roman's heart twisted painfully. If he hadn't said that, maybe he could have talked to Virgil and gotten more information. Earned his trust so he could help him. But he had to go and screw it up. Roman let himself fall back onto the couch and slump down into a sad ball. This was a delicate situation. Very delicate. He didn't know the whole story, and judging the way Thomas was crying, there was a "them" he was scared of and who had hurt Virgil. And judging by how close the two were, it wouldn't be wise to somehow separate them. Roman tried to imagine being separated from his brother in such a way and despite a few negative feelings he had towards his brother, he knew he would be devastated. Roman sighed. "Yes. A delicate situation indeed."

-------

Virgil sat in the front seat of his van. Behind him, Thomas slept peacefully in the third-row seat as the night slowly passed. I shouldn't have said that. Virgil thought as he bit his thumbnail. And really, he probably shouldn't have. He didn't actually know Roman. All he did was have a few interactions with him. How could he just speak like that? Oh, chuck! Virgil felt his breathing sped up as a startling and damning thought hit him. I'm gonna get fired! Not only had Virgil freaked out on a total stranger. He had freaked out of his boss. His boss of all people! Good going, Virgil. Virgil put his head in his hands and slumped over a bit as he tried to regain his breathing.

"It's okay," he whispered softly to himself. "You'll just get a new job. And he hasn't fired you yet so…" Virgil tried his best to calm down. The last thing he wanted to do was to wake up Thomas. "Okay, you got this Virgil. Maybe he won't even remember. You're forgettable like that. Especially to those kinds of people. Everything will be fine."

Slowly, his breathing returned to normal. "Oh who am I kidding," he muttered. "He's not gonna forget." Virgil huffed. "I'll just have to hope, I guess." A dejected sigh. "I'll just lie low for a few days. Clean and such.." Virgil bit his lip. "Maybe Thomas can stay with Joan or Talyn for a few days?" He hummed. Tomorrow was Friday. So he could spend the whole weekend with his friends. Then, of course, he'd pick him back up on Sunday. Or even Monday after school. He hummed again. He'd have to ask Thomas about it tomorrow.

-----

Everything taglist: @spxced-oxt @superwholocked-for-life @mirror2thespirit @aroundofapplesauce @lyditist @little-euro-girl @unicornofdarknessstuff @maryann-draws

Good Deeds Taglist: @urielthealienboio @midnight-personal @supreme-overlord-bubbles @dn-fan21 @soul-of-a-vixen @mellow-yellow-nutella @anxious-but-trying-my-best @sanders-sides-rebloger @kool-bi-69 @ghosttb0y @thevirgilantone @prismartist @shamelesslypoetic @icequeenoriginal

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choiceenvironment · 4 years ago

Text

Shorty’s Fight

Shorty is so deserving of the proper surgery to save her leg. I feel horrible that I can not afford to provide her with it. With so many people struggling, I hate to ask for this kind of financial help, but I have no choice. I have to try for her sake. Our local small town community has already sponsored the costs to saving her, with help from the wonderful (Strathmore Veterinarian). The donations gave the vet enough to amputate her tail and cast her arm from a broken Radial bone. Including an anonymous donor that paid her intake. I believe it is because the town knows her, she has gone into stores, got the mail with me and all my clients love her. Since then (2 weeks ago) something has gone wrong and the Ulnar bone which had a hairline fracture has now broken fully, the only option now is amputate her front left arm for $2000 or Surgery for $4500 to save the arm. She is in a lot of pain, this breaks my heart for her and she does not deserve to suffer. I have been told by some that she is just a cat, That I should just do what ever is cheapest and/or put her down. But she is not just a regular cat, her personality captures anyone who meets her but not in the cuddly way most would think. This is my story of the most unique cat I have ever known. "Sam Shorty" 2 years ago I was looking for a small companion cat that I could bring to work at my newly opened print shop. I thought it would be great to keep the mice away, I was lonely as I worked alone and I had some struggles coping with stress. My store was opened in 2017, Since then my entire store was flooded and I lost all my inventory with no help from insurance because it was "overland flooding" - Jerks! They didn't help at all. But my community did! Since then I lost my father, 2 brothers and covid took away my events which used to pay for my store rent. I hosted, cooking and paint classes for kids when they were off school. I also trained people who struggle to learn computer skills and building their own resume. I honestly needed to find a daily companion and furry friend. My first thought was to catch or coax one of the Ferrell cats around town because I would be "giving them a better life". So I thought. ha ha ha But the stray cats around town are pretty happy just eating the field mice and being wild and free. No worries, just play, eat and sleep, I am almost jealous except in winter time. ha ha ha So after weeks of desperately trying to make friends with the Ferrell's I gave up and realized that all I was doing was creating Night Fights from all the food I kept leaving out. The neighbors must have loved that. ha ha ha They did keep all the outside mice away, but funny...I seemed to end up with more mice inside the store. ha ha ha Moving forward I checked online for any cats needing a home and oddly at that time frame there was none? People even tried catching their own farm Ferrell's to no avail. Well I was determined so I planned to go on the weekend to buy one SOMEWHERE lol, didn't know where but I was determined. Saturday morning we planned for a Sunday trip to the city. But I was feeling really down so I prayed. I honestly prayed to God and asked for help in sending me a cat that needs the most help. See, Although I want a companion for my sake I also want to return the favor to my friend, I want to be doing something good. 2 hours later I was cleaning up some things in the shed and my husband says "I think there is something behind the quad" Sure as shit there was a kitten! So we ran and told my daughter to grab a can of tuna and after a few attempts I was able to quickly grab her scruff and pull her into my scarf. She fought hard but only for a few seconds, then she tucked her head into my hair and didn't move. I walked around with her for a bit and she seemed to like it. Eventually I set her on my bed and she just stared at all of us like she was in shock. Pretty sure she was freaking out. ha ha ha Her eyes were full of gunk, she was so badly filled with worms and she pooped all over my bedroom, my bed, but I could care less. Funny story - she even gave me worms which is very rare! The first night she was so afraid that she would only lay on the window sill. Shorty was so stunted and small that we called her shorty. Also because her tail was the smallest tail we had ever seen. While she was going from the window to the liter box and back up to the window sill, her litter was getting stuck to her feet and a small amount kept dropping into my bedside drinking glass. Lets not get into details, but I drank a lot of water that night. ha ha ha - I still laugh at this cause she was worth it. It took a long time to get her back to health, we thought she was dead a few times when she would not move for hours. We eventually got her fixed and with consistent food she began to grow :) and although small she is one tough kitty. I had her on a leash when we would go for walks, camping or to work. But eventually I just felt like she missed the wild. When we were camping it poured rain one year so bad, but she did not want to leave the brush beside the fire and I realized she was hunting mice! She would be soaking wet and I would try to take her inside with me but she would get so mad, growl and kick her back paws on me. So in return for her friendship I sat in the rain with her for hours so she could listen to the wilderness and hunt mice. She even caught one that year but her excitement caused her to lose it and it ran away. She would stand on her back feet and sway her head like a crazy person filled with glee, she looked like a playful bear. Shorty would finally want to go to bed around 11 pm, but at the crack of dawn she would be sitting on her leash staring at me and using her "mind powers" to wake me up. She is very polite and tries not to disturb me while I sleep. So sweet. I decided that if I truly love her I would have to let her have her own freedom and if she loved me too, she would return home. At first when I took her off her leash, Shorty would stay with me as I gardened or worked in the yard. But eventually she left the yard for a day and night. But she returned and before the incident she would come and go on the hour. Shorty could be dead asleep on the piano ( her favorite spot) and she would know if another cat stepped on her property. So would we, because all of a sudden she would run upstairs to the bedroom windows, then down to the basement windows. Sometimes she would "Scobie Doo" around the corners then race to be let out the back door. All the neighborhood cats are free out here and go as they please. They are also bigger than her! But she puff's up, spits and kicks her back feet like she is the toughest little girl in the world. Climbing is her favorite and she always has to show me. She will run up the tree and if I am not watching her Shorty meows at me and scratches harder on the tree. She loves to run and show off how fast she is, her favorite game with my daughters is what we call "the chase game" That's where the kids will get a foot from her and she will run to the other side of the yard and lay down. Then she rolls and shows her tummy, so the girls walk up to pet her and when they are a foot from her she runs back to the other side. She loves it. Shorty does not cuddle, wont let strangers touch her and only comes to me "Mom" Now the sad part - We rescued a Pitbull and have spent month retraining her as she was abused and left to freeze in the cold. Her name is Calypso. She cowers to many things and we thought we were getting her back to normal. Her prey drive was bad, but the cat and her were beginning to play and we began lowering our guard. I never left them in a room alone together, I still always supervised just encase. But 2 weeks ago I was in court awaiting a verdict on a local exploitation of a minor case. The judge called guilty, we cried with relief and became overwhelmed as it had been a year long uncertain battle. By the system prevailed! AS we celebrated on the way home I got a call from my daughter, the dog had got upstairs and the cat was bleeding. I tried to keep my daughter calm and a Neighbour ran to my house to see how bad it was. When I got there, the floor had a trail of blood and a pool of blood behind the couch. But it is not the dogs fault, she is a sweet sweet dog that just wants to be loved. The dog took to me the moment we met and her jealousy took her over along with her natural instinct. Just as the cat needs to hunt mice, the dog wants to hunt too. It part of them and I hold no fault to either of them. We called the nearest vet who responded with "we are booked unless you want to just bring her in and put her down?" Yah we hung up on them. Then we called Strathmore Vet and while bawling I explained that I had absolutely no money, I had no idea how to get any money but I would do anything to save her. The vet worked tirelessly through the night and all the next day. Shorty had her tail amputated, and a second time from the damage. Luckily she had enough blood to rebuild and just a fractured radial bone. They tried there best to cast the arm but gave me a 50/50 chance of keeping it. The last two weeks of healing, Shorty has been such a trooper. We have been trapped in my room since but I think she knows its only so she can heal. I have not gone to work or left her side. I thought she was getting depressed the last few days but yesterday we found out its pain, from the second bone finally giving out. Shorty deserves to keep her leg and she deserves proper care. The feeling of not being able to provide this to her is horrible. I cant even afford the amputation. With amputation I wonder if I will ever let her back outside? There is 2 jerks on our street that always speed and with her only having 3 legs I would be too worried that someone would run her over. Most people in our town will actually stop and let a cat cross the road, we are always watching for children and the speed is basically 30 klm/hr over the entire hamlet or Carseland. This is my last resort. I have tried to phone Pet Card to get approve for a pet loan but I don't make enough. I actually don't make anything since covid and have been operating my print shop at a loss for 6 months. My customers have been hit hard, they don't have the money to pay anymore. Its not their fault and I have stayed close with all my clients because I truly understand what they are going through. I tried selling all my game consoles i have collected since I was 12, that didn't pan out. The stress of everything gave me shingles, so I have 4 bags of bottles to take in and I am now better so I can actually take them in, but that's not going to help her today. So I am here asking for help because Shorty deserves better and I am okay with putting myself out there for her. She really deserves a chance to keep her freedom and live the happy life she had before. Thank you so much for reading, sharing or considering helping my little girl. My love to you all Jennifer

#https://www.gofundme.com/f/shorty-sam-leg-surgery

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