#i am NOT fucking watching adventure time its too late for me

[electricpurrs]

i cant live like thisssss i wanna know what the fuck is happening in fionna and cakeeeeee. do you think i could possibly watch that show without having ever finished adventure time.

[hannahssimblr]

Chapter Fourteen (Part 2)

When my phone buzzes in my pocket I feel a jolt of anxious nausea, but still, whip it out so quickly that it almost slips out of my gloved hand. I release my thumb to tap the screen, anticipating another message from Dean, but this time it isn’t him. 

It’s Jude. 

A weird half-laugh half-cry escapes me and my stomach flutters. The last person I ever thought would message me, as I fully expected to never have to hear from him again, but here he is, lighting up my phone on an ordinary Friday afternoon. Curiously I open the message. 

Thought you’d followed me to Berlin. 

He writes. Quickly followed by a photo of a girl standing ahead of him in a bakery. She has the same coat as I do, and the same hair cut and colour. She really does look like me. I watch the little dots bounce as he types another message.

Looks like you have a German doppelganger.

A smile quirks on my lips, I can’t help it, and then quickly I open my camera and point it up towards a corner of the Cathedral eaves where a horrible gothic gargoyle sits guard with its grotesque little mouth wide open in a silent scream. I giggle softly to myself as I zoom in on it. 

So weird. 

I type back, attaching the photo. 

Because I just saw your doppelganger too. 

I’m glad that there’s nobody around to see how self-satisfied I am, smiling at my own joke. 

Yikes, spitting image.  Still snowing, I see.

Relentlessly. 

So much for springtime. Weather in that country is so fucked. 

I frown. There he goes again with that “your country, that country” stuff. 

Wait, are you not Irish anymore? I remember you making a bit of a song and dance out of the ‘half’ part when I met you. 

Fair enough. Weather in OUR country is fucked. 

Ah yeah, that’s more of it now. Too late Jude, you’ve already disowned us. As a collective nation we’re devastated.

I smirk as I tease him, beginning to pace around, feeling charged with new energy, but then my heart leaps to my throat when my phone comes alive in my hand, buzzing with a phone call from him. I hit accept. 

“Hello?”

His voice comes down the line, deep and low in my ear. “Sorry, I just wanted to infer from your tone whether you’re annoyed or amused.”

I smirk. “Insecure, much?”

He laughs and I hear something crinkle on his end. “Well, alright, I knew you were amused, I just didn’t want to juggle eating my lunch with one hand and trying to text you with the other.”

“What did you get?”

“Hm?”

“In the bakery, like, what did you get for lunch?” 

“Oh, it’s like a multigrain bread roll thing. With cheese and salami.”

“Sounds nice.”

I hear him take a bite out of it. “Mhm. And for after I got this thing called a Puddingteilchen.”

“Sounds enticing.” I say, giggling at the goofy German accent he just put on.

“It’s essentially a vanilla pastry, they love things with gluten here, I try as many new foods as I can.”

“Mhm, how adventurous.”

“I’m in a very ‘trying-new-things’ phase at the moment. What did you have for lunch?”

“A flat white.” 

“Explains why you’re eating vicariously through me.”

I laugh. “Well if there were any food places open I might have gotten something more substantial, right now, honestly the caffeine is just making me feel jittery.”

“Oh no.” 

I walk out of the Christchurch grounds and start ambling back down Dame Street with the phone pressed to my ear. “I’m looking right now and there’s genuinely nothing to eat, I swear they’re treating this snowfall like it’s the apocalypse.”

“They always do that, don’t they?” He says, and then quickly corrects himself. “Oh, sorry, we always do that. We, the collective Irish people, a group to which I still very much belong and have not dissociated myself from now that I live abroad.” 

I roll my eyes and chuckle. “Okay, I get it. You think I’m dramatic.” 

“Never.”

“So what are you doing today? Do you have college?”

“On Fridays I only have classes in the morning, so actually, right now I’m about to go looking for a costume.”

“A costume? For what?” 

“This party I’m going to next month.” He says. “I’m looking for something from the eighties.”

“There’s an 80’s theme?”

“80’s movies, so like, specifically a character from a famous flick. I can’t just be some generic 80’s man. These people have strict rules.”

“Aha, so is this some kind of ticketed event?”

“No, it’s a house party.”

“Strict rules for a house party.”

“You have no idea.” He laughs and I hear him moving about, presumably getting up from wherever he had been sitting to begin walking around. I try to imagine where he might be, but having never been to Berlin it’s difficult to visualise the way that the streets might look. “My friends, the ones hosting the party, they do this all the time. There’s always a theme and you have to adhere to it directly otherwise you don’t get to come in.”

“Yikes.”

“I know, and really, I’m not a costume guy, at least I wasn’t. I showed up to the first party, which, by the way, was themed as ‘Wild West’, in jeans and a t-shirt. They asked me where my cowboy hat was and then closed the door in my face.” 

“Wow, that’s intense.”

“Yes, but it’s all in the name of creativity, I guess. Astrid likes going to them, actually, it’s where we met, so I try to make my best effort.”

His mention of Astrid makes me feel some kind of strange way, but I ignore my unsettlement. “So what are you thinking for this one?”

“Well, any ideas?”

“Hmmm… Marty McFly?” 

He laughs. “There will be at least three other Marty McFlys. Red puffer vest and blue jeans? Too easy.” 

“Well excuse me! You asked for a suggestion.”

“I was hoping for a good one.” 

“I forgot how sassy you are.”

“You missed that about me, I bet.”

“Did you assume I missed anything about you?” There’s a pause then, in which I instantly feel horrible, and the feeling only increases the longer he waits before saying anything. 

“Well-” He starts, but there seems to be a delay in the line as I end up cutting him off with my next panicked words. “So what idea did you have for a costume?”

He laughs in a somewhat self-conscious way, probably glad of the swerve. “Well I was thinking maybe Maverick from Top Gun.”

“Typical man choice.” I say immediately, which makes him laugh. “Sorry, is that too predictable for you?”

“I can see you doing that. Wearing your little bomber jacket and aviator shades, very hyper masculine. Men just love Tom Cruise.” 

“I am many things, but I don’t think I qualify as hyper masculine” He snorts. “Have you seen my cute little earrings?” 

“No, you’ve never once mentioned them.” 

“So I’m curious, what costume would you have picked if you were invited?” 

“Baby from Dirty Dancing.” I say immediately, because I’ve already been thinking about it for half this conversation. “I want to do that curly thing to my hair and see if it’d suit me.” I catch sight of my reflection while passing a stop window and pick out a strand of my limp, straight hair that has never seen texture beyond the loose waves that remain after I’ve taken my plaits out.

“It would. And the costume, would you go for the shirt and shorts or the pink dress from the ending?”

A smile twitches on my lips. “Sounds like you know Dirty Dancing pretty intimately.”

“A good movie is a good movie, I’m not embarrassed.” 

“I wasn’t suggesting you should be.”

“I can’t believe it, Evie.” He says with that easy laugh he always had. “You’re the very same as you used to be.” 

I baulk a little bit, because I don’t feel in any way the same as I used to back then, when every little thing I did would make me second guess myself, every word I spoke I’d agonise over, and now I don’t feel that easy as much. Now when I speak, people listen to what I say and seem to believe that I’m interesting, even if I don’t. The Evie I was back when he met me and the Evie I am now are nothing alike. “I’m not the same.”

“Well, I think that you are. You’re still so cheeky, you don’t let me get away with anything.”

“I don’t think I was like that back then.”

“What? Seriously?”

“No, I was just shy and awkward and self conscious all the time. I was a nightmare to be around.”

I hear him pause to consider this. “With all due respect, I probably wouldn’t have spent so much time with you if you were like that. You were shy, sure, but you were always funny.” 

“You thought I was funny?” 

“You don’t remember how much we used to laugh at everything?”

“Yes, but I felt like I was just laughing at the things you said because you were so funny.”

“I’m not that funny.” 

“Come on.”

“I’m not funny enough to carry an entire one of our conversations all by myself.” A pause. “You really don’t like that I’ve said that you’re the same, do you?”

“No.” I admit with some reluctance, glancing through the gates of George’s Street Arcade, all of the stalls chained and boarded up inside, seeing it so silent and empty for the first time. Eerie. 

“I’m sorry. You’re different too in loads of ways, I was just trying to say that the things I liked best about you are still intact, and I’m glad of it.”

“It’s okay, just sometimes I feel like I’m going crazy. I seem to remember things wrong a lot.”

“Mm?” He says encouragingly.

“Like, I dunno, it’s as though the way that I’ve stored things in my memory bank is different from how normal people do it. I tend to twist things to fit my own narrative, does that make sense?”

“Like what narrative?” 

“Like, I don’t know… like that I was a loser, or something.” My face gets hot despite the frigid air, and I feel I’m being too frank with him. He probably doesn’t care to hear it. “It doesn’t matter, I’m not really sure what I mean.”

“You were never a loser.” 

“That’s nice of you.” 

“I mean it! I always thought you were cool.” 

What on earth? I was never cool, especially not when I was seventeen, and I can’t help but scoff. 

He sighs. “Well, I’m not here to convince you. I’m just telling you what I thought, you can choose whether or not to believe me.”

“I don’t.”

“Damn, okay, well, you got me. You were the worst, and I hated hanging out with you.” Even though he’s clearly being sarcastic his words still kind of sting, as they reflect almost exactly what Kelly had said to me on Stephen’s night. Jude might not mean them, but someone else had. He seems to sense this and quickly backtracks. “Sorry, that was a stupid joke. Like I said, I’m not that funny.” 

“You are.” I say. “Actually, your whole thing is that you’re funny, but in a slightly mean way.” 

“So I have realised. You know I used to be really mean? Like when I was about fourteen, and I’ve always worried that the vibe stuck around. Did you think I had a mean boy vibe when we used to hang out?” 

Kind of, but I didn’t hate it.” I laugh through my nose, and my breath clouds in the air. “In fact I felt bad for liking it.”

“Who was I even mean to? I don’t remember.” He pauses and then adds, “Which I suppose goes to show how often I was a dickhead – I can’t even remember my own crimes.” 

“Liam.” I say.

“Oh yeah” He says remorsefully. “He probably didn’t deserve the shit he got. We were all mean to poor Liam. ”

“Speak for yourself, I was nice.”

“Oh come on, you were meanest of  us all.”

I scoff. “In what world?”

“Please, I didn’t reject his debs invitation and leave him destitute, crying on the beach in a wetsuit.”

“You’re created an entire false narrative here, he wasn’t crying.”

“Okay, sorry now, but there’s no scenario in my head in which he wasn’t. I just can’t imagine that. He was sobbing in my version of events.”

“Trust me Jude, he was fine. He drove away from me that day without shedding a single tear. Nobody was crying over me back then.”

The line goes quiet for a moment and for some reason my skin prickles like an icy wind has licked over me despite how I’ve warmed up from all of the walking. The silence only lasts for a beat and then his voice returns, bright and easy as ever. “So tell me, who did you end up taking to your debs in the end?”

“Oh God.” I breathe. “Where do I even begin with this? How much time do you have for the highlight reel of sixth year?”

“Lay it on me, Evie.” 

He keeps me company all the way back to my house, and doesn’t even hang up when he starts going in and out of shops in search of his Top Gun costume, giving me updates on what he’s finding, open to any and all suggestions I have about how to create his own patches that match the ones Tom wears in the film. I made him promise to send me a photo of the costume before he wears it out, and when he says he will I find myself actually believing him. 

I start feeling a little sad when I turn onto my street, knowing that I’ll have to hang up soon. We’ve been having so much fun and then… 

“Oh Jesus.” I say to myself as The front of my building comes into view, and I completely cut him off in the middle of a sentence. His voice comes back at me through her receiver, alarmed. “Did something just happen?”

“No, it’s fine, just, I have to go.”

“Okay well, call me back anyt-”

I hang up the phone and stuff it into my pocket as I march up the front steps to the apartment, feeling anger rising inside me.

“Dean!” I cry. He’s standing by the door, shoulder resting against the wall as though he’s been waiting there for a while, and he doesn’t look surprised to see me, fuming, charging up the steps towards him. “What the hell are you doing here?” 

Prev // Next

[nerdy-bumblebee]

Adventure Time and Shipping

spoilers for Adventure Time and Fionna and Cake underneath the cut

I wanna start out by saying i do not care who ships what and youre free to do whatever you want forever. Art and interpretation are GOOD things and I love seeing cool art and fix it fic style headcanons are FINE i have NO BONES with that.

I also wanna say this is gonna sound a lil harsh. I just care a lot about this particular pair of ships and how they're written is important to me so I wanna voice my thoughts. If u disagree thats ok!!!! I wanna hear more viewpoints always :)

However, I am beginning to think that AT fans prefer the idea of shipping to the actual well-written romances in the show. I see people all the time going "why did Finn and FP break up they're perfect for eachother" or "Simon loves his Big Monster Wife" and its like. Did u watch the show? I am not convinced you did.

Finn and FP's deal is that Finn manipulated her. He took her biggest insecurities and threw them in her face so he could get off. And that's Shitty!!!! He was a teenage boy that didn't realize his actions had consequences until it was far too late. The fact that he would do that to FP in the first place proves they aren't compatible. Could they have been? Who's to say! But Finn BLEW IT. And the show from that point forward is about Finn coping with the loss of someone he thought was The One and dealing with the fact that no matter how sad you are, time keeps going.

Similarly with Betty and Simon, the whole thing about that relationship is that it was built on a problematic foundation! Simon was too much of a repressed nerd to realize the sway he held over Betty and Betty was too starstruck by her idol to care that she was being stifled. There was a power dynamic and Simon unknowingly abused that power dynamic. I say unknowingly because it's true, there was no malice in his intention but the effects remain the same. Could it have worked if they had talked about it? Sure yeah, but they didn't. And they have to live with the fact that they didn't.

Simon doesn't get a monster wife and Finn doesn't get a fire GF because they FUCKED UP. They may not have realized it but their actions had an effect on their surroundings and the people they cared about. The relationships are tragedies, and from those tragedies you must move on. Time doesn't stop because you're sad and you need to pick yourself up and keep going.

[bibiwrld]

ON HIS NERVES🩹| Miguel O’Hara

★ Miguel O’Hara x Black spider woman oc

★ Content: Teasing, flirting

—Synopsis: Alice Bernard, also known as Spider-Lily, was recruited by Jessica Drew 3 months ago. She was one of her kind. She was easygoing, kind and knew how to get on Miguel’s nerves.

–one.

ALICE’S POV

“Alice!” Ben Reilly called out dramatically against a wall.

I laughed and waved at him. “Hi Ben!”

“Oi! Alice!” Hobie waved from a table surrounded by Gwen, Miles and Pavitr.

They all waved at me.

“Hey guys!” I waved back and continued walking.

I am Spider-Lily. Named after the flower the radioactive spider that bit me, ingested.

It happened during a family vacation, while I explored the meadow. The spider escaped the unknown lab, finding its way to the meadow of various flowers, drinking the nectar of the red spider lily flower.

I was so stupid for crouching down to the flower, putting my finger out for the spider to crawl on it, but then again, I wouldn’t be who I am today.

My suit was full skin tight spandex. It was dark green, with red fingers and feet. Yellow webbing designs on my mask, arms legs and chest, with a matching yellow spider on my chest. My mask had red swirly designs and tiny yellow dots around the eyes, similar to the spider lily flower.

My abilities consisted of releasing poisonous pollen, shooting natural red webs with green tips from my wrists, that grow like vines and releases poison venom on command. I can grow the spider lily flower straight from the palm of hands, it’s a little party trick of mine. And like the flower, I bring death upon others— that’s if I felt like it.

It’s not like I haven’t killed before.

I was recruited by Jessica Drew 3 months ago, while defeating Doc Ock. She saw my potential. After joining this spider society, my life has been nothing but amazing adventures.

Then there was Miguel O’Hara, the boss. When I first came to HQ, I was blinded by his beauty, then there was that scary, gloomy and mean demeanor. After arguing with Jess for 15 minutes, he threw a watch at me and dryly said “Welcome to the club.”

A true asshole.

I’ve proved myself to him, but I went against protocol a few times, making me his second least favorite spider person, Miles being number one.

He is so fine, I’d jump at any opportunity to let him fuck me— keep it professional Alice!

My spidey senses went off and MayDay fell into my arms from the ceiling.

She giggled and looked at me. She was the cutest little thing. I cuddled her in my arms.

“MayDay!” I heard Peter B call.

I look at her. “How do you manage to always slip away from your Dad?”

She only clapped and smiled in response.

“She’s over here!”

Peter B hurried over. “Oh thank you, Alice. Your mom would kill me if anything happened to you Mayday.”

I handed her over to him and he placed her securely in the baby carrier on his chest. “It’s no problem.” I looked at Mayday and patted her head. “And you stay out of trouble.”

Peter B ruffled her hair. “Oh she will.”

I waved goodbye to them and continued walking, greeting all the other spider persons. They were all so sweet.

Walking backwards and waving, my spidey senses went off. I quickly turned around, but it was too late, bumping into what felt like a solid wall.

I backed up, rubbing my head. “My fault.”

His back muscles tensed before turning around to me. His tall stature was so intimidating, but so hot.

He glared daggers at me.

“Alice.” He looked me up and down.

“Miggy!” I greeted sweetly.

“Don’t call me that.”

“But you love it.” I twirled around him, he followed my every move.

“No, I don’t.” He replied.

Lyla appeared by his shoulder. “Alice! Hiii!”

“Lyla!” I waved. “Doesn’t Miguel love the nickname I gave him?”

“Yes he does.”

“Lyla!”

I enjoyed teasing him. I guess you could say I get on his nerves.

He pinched the bridge of his nose. “No I don’t.”

“Aren’t I your favorite?” I laughed.

“No.” He stepped closer to me.

I stared up at him, a smile hiding underneath my mask.

“Yes she i—”

“Be quiet, Lyla!” He waved away the AI, but she reappeared again, laughing.

“Awwww, you care about me.” I gushed, hands on my cheeks. “You should let me take you out sometime pretty boy.” I winked.

He tensed up and walked away with no response.

“He’d totally love that.” Lyla whispered to me.

“Lyla!” He shouted.

She giggled before disappearing.

Next part: –two.

[itsdappleagain]

BARK BARK ITS FINALLY TIME FOR THE STOCKHOLM SYNDROME CAPER

not giving up on my trademark of being late for csweekly even though i vowed i wouldn't be late on this one. i have an excuse. i was doing audition prep/submission for a musical

OKAY ANYWAY

i think if i ever actually visited the belltower i would take damage just from being in the space

notes under the cut as always!

OKAY starting thoughts. this is. literally my favorite episode in the entire show. my favorite. im so fucking stoked you don't even know i love watching my blorbos get beat up. me 🤝rueitae

anyways. biting this episode and shaking it violently

i like that the faculty tie actually makes sense and they have solid motivations. it isnt just a plot device for a tie

love this shiot/angle of bellum btw so behold her. she is so amazing

okay hi. immediately stopping to go on a rant about the atmosphere in this caper. its. fucking. incredible. the scenery is so perfect. the right balance of beautiful and desolate, and it changes as the mood does. i could do this later but i will do it now because idk i want to its my post

notice as the episode goes on how as the tone gets darker in carmen's plotline, the scenery and mood around her gets colder and literally darker as well.

ivy's backgrounds, meanwhile, stay pretty light throughout because she has somewhat of a more comedic and hopeful storyline while carmen dies in a ditch somewhere.

also, as soon as carmen calls chief, the snow/light of the hologram/shot composition away from the dark trees shows that there is hope now

just....hope that is tinted with cop fingerprints all over it. i just GOD i fucking LOVE how you can VISUALLY SEE HOW HER LIFE IS GOING its reflected by the very environment around her. compare any shot after she gets acme in to the very last one i put in that set of five.

no moment is darker for carmen than when she gives up, on the brink of death, and calls for help, submitting herself to prison and interrogation in the hopes that even if vile wins today, she can somehow survive to take them down again another day.

man, i am barely a minute into the actual episode and i have a lot to say. that trend will continue. sorry not sorry. back to the actual liveblogging.

fun fact the first time i watched this episode i did not notice the acme agents on top of the building watching "carmen"

i love the little hints dropped to audience members who arent entirely in the know yet (7 year olds) that its ivy, not carmen, and that something is up here. lack of gigantic poofy brown hair, different stature, ivys little smile as she goes past. of course, if you're obsessive like me, youve memorized every characters outline and can tell even with wigs on

OH hey my favorite acme agent hang on

its her. she is drop dead gorgeous and has a nose piercing. she also i think gets all of one line in the s4 opener telling crackle to do whatever (or maybe its her partner but anyway i love her)

I have already earned from her

have you been GAY for twenty years chief? julia has

julia slays so hard in this episode. wish devineaux stayed dead longer because she thrives when she's by herself

episode is literally so gorgeous

i love zari just being like oh my god this bitches gay. bad for them

that soft little "i should have known" smile julia does when carmen puts her hand on her shoulder guts me like an animal

live acme (ants to classify and monitor evildoers) reaction

hey!! next time ivy gets into a frozen adventure with carmen in germany she gets an earbud upgrade :D

zack too!!

that "but powerful" line is literally gay. happy pride month from ivy "muscles" "milady" "i feel powerful dressing in my girlfriend's clothing" lastname

obsessed with zack's little finger wiggles to emulate typing when he imitates player

i love just how. rrgh casual they are. yes carmen is super serious and focused this caper (for good reason. launch codes) but they get in a little. julia notices something small about carmen and that she's cold and the playful tone in the reply from carmen before everything kind of goes to shit. "had to loan my coat once I spotted your reinforcements!" its just a bit of information but its some that she trusts julia with. she asks julia if chief is listening but if she was. carmen would have already blown ivy's cover. i know she stole the pen for good measure but seriously she TRUSTS her

i love how julia pats her jacket and then does not react in the slightest she was just making sure that was HER pen not someone else's

ivy being horrible in snow gag is the best part of this episode

i love julia showing off. she doesnt get to infodump to anyone else but she knows carmen will appreciate it. and shes trying to be coy about knowing what carmen is there to do (sorry jules. you would have been right any other time)

i also like that as julia is infodumping shes absorbing MORE by walking backwards and gazing around the city hall

fun fact: i always wondered how the hell the acme agents got into/hid in the hall without anyone seeing them but there are doors in between all of those pillars!

also

this hallway does in fact exist! i mean considering the cs team probably went there to location scout in person (see below picture of duane and the team in san fran) it makes sense!!

anyway. should i made an "only vaguely related tangents" tally counter for these things at the end of the post lmao

i love how super serious carmen gets here. this episode is so much more mature in its theming than some other episodes. from the launch codes to the fakeout suicide to the continued death before capture thing carmen has going on. man. i cant tell if ivys comic relief section is good for lightheartedness or tonal whiplash lmao

she has for a split second the look of a mother who just heard her child say "i frew up"

ARGH and i also love how literally nothing julia can say in that time will help. she tries- oh, she tries- but "its not what you think" mistakenly sounds like she was still in on it. it looks, for the moment, like julia was trying to distract her or this acme agent missed her cue or something. of course later in the ep carmen has plennnty of time

interestingly cs does away with the doors in between the pillars for a more ethereal and sophisticated look but there are doors in my heart

i love how carmen turns to run sideways. girl even if there weren't acme agents there where were you going

i also just fucking love carmen's completely silent analysis once shit gets really serious. she calculates and recalculates what she needs to do to survive here. and she's RUTHLESS about it. i think this is kind of the one time we really see her vile training come out in comparison to someone other than vile itself. she takes those acme agents OUT

part of me wonders if carmen, in that little pause by the door, thought that maybe her chances were better backtracking but she didn't want to have to hurt jules to get out. maybe im just gay and wistful idk BUT okay here's my reasoning!! hang on! stay with me!! carmen equals BAD in tight spaces. saw it in rio, saw it in nz, saw it in poitiers. its everywhere- she does better with more space. however, she does like her high grounds, so honestly this is pure headcanon but like,,, not wanting to hurt julia. send post

also you can see in the background julia TAKING OFF after the other agents....no gun drawn of course

this fight scene with carmen is so fucking fantastic

she never. NEVER. EVER does full fight scenes where she does a lot of offensive but this situation is so different. she SPRINTS at that bitch she holds him HOSTAGE and while of course she's acting so that she doesn't get caught the fight almost portrays her a little villainously with the trail of bodies she leaves behind her as she goes

ALSO THAT FLIP OFF THE WALL MOVE IS SO DAMN COOL. she tricks the acme agent into gassing herself almost effortlessly and only takes a split second to coldly look behind her to make sure there's no one else coming before she takes off again

and then the other three who didnt get knocked out start going after her again which distracts her just enough to let zari catch her with the shot

the shaky "camera" and blurred vision pov as carmen fades in and out of consciousness while instinct alone keeps her going up the stairs is just ARGH chefs kiss

fun fact zari's "there after her" line gets reused in the series finale

btw carmen falling of the tower scared me so bad when i first watched this at like 13. suicide fakeout <3 scared me so bad

also how the camera keeps moving even when carmen doesnt even seem to be in the picture anymore before her glider catches up with it. top. tier

and then the stockholm music kicks in. hoo mama the music in this episode is fucking unparalleled. that incessant, chilling, repetitive string instrument motif as carmen's situation begins to get really dire. aurgh.

carmen's continued pov as player starts getting really concerned about her and she fades in and out. carmen weaving all over the sky and crashing into shit grggrgrgr its so good

ivy getting tazed. yeah.

ivy can pass as an....argentinian.. right boys

player and zack when two out of four of their active teammates just went mia in the span of a minute: 👁️👄👁️

man do you think they thought it was an ambush or something. like i mean it was but an organized effort by one team. do you think zack was scared he would be next and that player would be left in the dark. anyway

the way moose picks ivy up by the scruff like a cat kills me

the citizens of stockholm on this day watching a foreign police strike happen at city hall and then a tourist get tazed, mugged, and kidnapped by some locals: 👁️👄👁️

IN WITH THE HIGH NOTES ON THE PIANO IN THAT SAME REPETITIVE, INCESSANT, CHILLING STYLE OF MUSIC THIS EPISODE HAS AS CARMNE LIES MOTIONLESS IN THE SNOW ARGEHDHDHGDGSDGSDHD

i really enjoy that they show us this desolate, still shot of carmen, completely motionless, trapped in a ravine, miles and miles away from the city. she doesnt wake up. its just the cold, harsh reality. and its starting to snow a lot harder.

julia just snatching the pen gets me every time

i love the emotion dropping out of chiefs tone once she sees the 5'2" pissed off lesbian on the other end

YES julia GO OFF she should have gotten to do so much more. she should have gotten to kill someone.

julia glancing back at zari when she says "chase her away and squander her trust" and zari turning away and balling her first is such a juicy little character moment

the venom in "we had an agreement." fhrjhgfejsjjd step on me

you know how people want that throwback spinoff series for the owl house with the lost moments. that but cs. shadowsan's malaysia mission, how the team operated and the jobs while carmen was recovering, more of black sheep's time at vile/her holdover year, her and player learning together once she tours around after escaping, the shanghai job (not the tsonts one), the cairo job, the swiss bank job. how julia got into law, how chase chose his name, more on carlotta and dexter, the two years after vile's defeat and before their reappearance, more of evil carmen, player's backstory as told in silver lion. there is. so much i want to see. tangent tally.

god. player's decision here is such a hard one. he's like sixteen, and he's potentially juggling the lives of two of his best friends with that line. the decision seems obvious, but in this case it is completely, entirely wrong. player's choice to save ivy instead of carmen damn near kills her, and there's no way he could have known. player guilt angst, please!

once again the music. thank you.

carmen's cry of pure pain as she moves juuust tickles something in my brain. she has no one to put on a brave face for and that crash landing HURT.

also how hoarse her voice is

the more groans of pain as she forces herself off the ground they are so good.

i love this episode for its look into carmen's psyche. so much of her is playing off of others, but in this one she is utterly alone. we see her thought processes in the worst of times with no one to fight but the weather and herself. fantastic shit. never forgiving sarcastic chorus for skimming over this episode and saying nothing happens did you watch it

the puff of breath when carmen says "player"!!!

carmen's tone when she goes "oookay." just is so good. gina did not skimp out on this performance and part of me wonders if she could have done better if she wasnt always trying to play the emotionless, suave hero figure and she let carmen be more human, like in this episode. carmen is seeing that she is injured, acme is trying to reach her, her glider is broken, she has no protection from the cold, and that player and any other help is completely out of range and she is not happy about it

carmen crying out when she slips even more when she's trying to climb its so tangible and delicious

FUN ANECODTE because i havent gone on enough tangents for this post already but the first time i ever saw this episode my dad came to pick me up for his half of the week right here. i had to leave the episode right here, with ivy kidnapped and mia and carmen alone in the frozen ravine, the acme pen blinking. i didnt have access to netflix to finish the episode. for. four. days. let me tell you. um. this episode literally did not let me sleep. that first night i was lying in bed i stayed up until like 3am just staring at the ceiling replaying the scenes and making theories. i was dry in the mouth. when i fell asleep i dreamed about it and kept waking up in the middle of the night. i cornered my dad and recounted the entire episode to him and then reeled off my theories to him. i reeled off my theories to my friends. i was literally consumed by the ending of this episode that i could not see. it was Not Healthy and it impacted me VERY HEAVILY as you can see.

but anyway my one theory was that carmen was going to be forced to call acme for help and be arrested because they kept doing closeups on the pen. good job, thirteen year old me. the foreshadowing worked.

back to the episode

ivys literally so cute in this episode

look at her.

ottoman has chihuahua vibes

the ice lodge staff watching two guys drag some poor red haired white bitch into the hotel like a sack of potatos: im sure shes fine they probably told them she was drunk lmao

im goosebumping something wicked here is one of the phrases of all time

DUMSKALLE

that raw, desperate "no" and scream from carmen is so good. that fall hurt five thousand times more because it was a failure. and also she probably just broke all the ribs that weren't broken before

it took me a few watches originally to see that carmen hits her glider on the way down. first time around i was like where tf did she get that wack ass blanket

draw me like one of your moose boys

moose boy unironically seems like a nice guy who got dragged into this by otter

can you imagine if they showed up with ivy and were like HAHA. CARMEN SANDIEGO. what would the faculty do with this poor white girl who is definitely not carmen. probably wipe her memory and boot out otter and moose but can you imagine their reactions

MOOSE BOY IS VOICED BY SONIC THE HEDGEHOG?? SCREAMING

or maybe it was right here that i got cut off with the panning shot of the pen and carmen sitting away from it staring at it. whatever it was but anyway yeah

the sadness and defeat as carmen shivers and tells this imaginary chief that vile is winning today either way just kills me i love it so much. carmen's death before capture ideology (almost. capture wins but it almost doesnt)

LAUNCH CODES? AS IN NUCYULAH?

also team red. didnt know what was on the data crystal!! they didnt know what the handoff was!!! they just knew it was fucking serious and that makes this all the more scary. had ivy not gotten kidnapped they would have missed it. i mean carmen would have probably tried to drag her foot on deaths doorstep ass over to the ice lodge to try anyway but she would have gotten triple pulverized

someone swinging (insert wieldy object) at a gigantic villain and it doing nothing is my favorite battle trope

more ivy appreciation

she said NOPE

ivy is literally so cool in this episode. she's still herself but she's trying to channel carmen and fill her gigantic shoes by making her proud. but she isnt carmen, and thats okay. she ends up doing it with a mix of carmen's help and her own goofy, clumsy style

AND IVYS TWANGY LITTLE VERSION OF CARMENS THEME AS SHE SUITS UP. ITS AWESOME

again. ivy being terrible on ice gag is the best. winters in boston must have been torture

man it doesnt even show all of it but you can see the agonizing that went into carmen's decision to call acme. once she makes it she doesnt hesitate in grabbing and clicking it. she does it seamlessly and with resignation. shes already fought with herself enough in her own head.

carmen: literally in the middle of the woods, shaking like a travelling fair rollercoaster ride, and bleeding from a thousand cuts chief: oh hey! sorry about that

MAN CARMEN THREW THAT PEN A LONG WAY

i also like that carmen has to heave herself up from sitting, and that she's only standing as a last display of control when every other ounce of it has been ripped from her. she has to lean on the tree, still, even to manage it. as soon as she pushes off of that tree and starts walking towards chief she collapses.

chief those business negotiations. can you wait

i do appreciate that chief doesnt play dumb or think carmen is dumb. she's been calling that pen for as long as carmens been staring at it. she knows carmen knows what calling her means and doesnt try to hide that theyre coming for her.

haha. where in the world is carmen sandiego reference. get it

MAN AND THEN EVERYTHING GETS SOO BAD. you realize just how serious this is when carmen drops the tough act and just reaches out. she does a quip, but her face is just hopeless and she drops like a STONE. she was barely hanging on. already dumped this onto rueitae's post but i think that as soon as she knew she'd done everything she could do and had exhausted every single option except dying on the spot. well. she didnt have a reason to hang on anymore. she gave up every single ounce of control to chief when she clicked that pen and her body needed to shut down to save her. so so so good

i really really like chief running over and hesitating before she puts her "hand" on carmens shoulder. she knows she cant do anything, but she can pretend and she can hope

i really do think she was concerned about carmen here, not just about the intel she was potentially losing. this scene mirrors her past with wolfe nearly perfectly, and it NEVER gets talked about. once again a call chief made on a person who turned out to have innocent intentions (gun was really car keys, julia going off the grid was really just her and carmen talking it out) gets them killed- or, in carmen's case, almost. chief, this time, has the power to save her and fix this mistake. parallels are also fun because obviously carmen is wolfe's daughter so double angst.

ivy immediately switching to suspicious spy face after she slams into the bar is so funny

YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW OFTEN I USED TO JUST RANDOMLY SAY "hello, im shady mcshade from some sleazy rogue nation, check out my briefcase full of untraceable cash!" to just RANDOM PEOPLE IN MY LIFE with NO CONTEXT

the bartender is not paid enough for this

I LOVE THE LADY WHO JUST GETS TF OUTTA THERE WHEN IVY CRASHES INTO HER CHAIR

the little trill of carmens triumph theme when ivy looks at the grappling hook is so good

girl. ivy. you missed that REALLY BADLY for someone who threw an anchor up three stories with pinpoint accuracy like a couple years ago

poor ivy she was doing so well with the quips and the competence until she announced it to the entire ice lodge

warrior cats girls on the playground

ivys unhinged scream as she barells towards otter is so fantastic

it would really have super sucked if zack had run ivy over

again. this episode is so beautiful

i love that otter and moose would normally have never even been glanced at for an episode because they suck so bad but because it was untrained baby ivy (who still kicked their asses) they could be there also who assigned them the nuclear fucking launch codes. who did that

oh man you can see the smile drop off ivys face when zack asks where they can find carmen. she doesnt even think that carmen is still missing. she probably thinks carmens back on track by now, not that it would be HOURS later and shes still missing.

zack getting to ivy on the other side of stockholm: 🐌🐌🐌 zack getting to carmen twice as far away in the middle of the woods: 🦔 (too lazy to find sonic meme. sonic meme.)

julia just giving zari the most disappointed look when zari kicks carmen when shes down

FUN FACT OF THE DAY! in the original storyboards, julia and zari were supposed to get a SHOOKETH reaction shot when chief offers carmen a way out with z and i. they cut it. rude.

the pen lowering down to reveal julia behind it has always felt like such an important shot and i dont know why. like theres some symbolism im majorly missing out on there

ahh, the heartbroken look between friends

AGAIN this episode punches you like an elephant on steroids with that quiet "is she going to make it?" CARMEN IS ON THE BRINK. OF DEATH. AND HER FRIENDS ARENT EVEN CERTAIN SHES GOING TO MAKE IT THROUGH THE NIGHT. MAN. it raises the stakes up so high like obviously she wont die but in a tvy7 kids cartoon this is so fucking serious

carmen, delirious with the cold and pain, wondering if someone made a clone of her:

addressing all groups of people from now on as "student body most vile"

hey vile has a sick waterfall wall

it is really interesting that they do in fact shut down the academy. no one is allowed at the castle anymore once they move there. its also cool that in s4 because bellum doesnt have to be there teaching she can go to the himalayas and tinker full time!

wow. zuko and luz are in that crowd <3

okay. so. best episode ever. i love it so much and ive already gushed about it way too much so i wont keep you much longer.

tangent tally final count: like at least five it depends how specific you are

sorry about how long this is take it up with a brick wall it will be remorseful than me

[rex101111]

Finally gotten around to watching the three so far released episodes of My Adventures with Superman (in a way that is Totally Legal(TM) I Swear), and I love it! Its very sweet, very cute, just a really sunshine show with a lot of room to grow and some nice intrigue thrown in right away to let quietly simmer throughout it, very good.

A few noteable things i liked:

* Superman. Supes is...so good here. Just the perfect blend of modern Good Boy Shonen Protag and classic Farm Boy Clark he’s been since the 90′s. He’s a delight. Specifically I really liked how they established how central his “I’m here to help” thing to his character right off. He had a kite stuck on a tree, and his powers didn’t awaken when he wanted to this (very very slightly) selfish thing. A person is in danger? His powers roar to life right away. Pitch Perfect Superman.

* Lois!! She’s such a delight, honestly. Its a bit jarring since I just finished binging the old Superman cartoon from the 90′s, in which Lois is the hardass experienced reporter she’s been in just about everything since the late 90′s, but new Lois here is still very recognizably Lois Lane, the reporter that doesn’t think twice about putting herself in danger for a story, she’s just more puppy dog about because we get Intern Lane for the first time in a while. A thing I really liked about her is that, yeah, she wants to interview Superman for the big scoop...but her initial and main driving motivation for that is that she wants to say thank you to the person who saved her life. That’s just great.

Also also these two are totally a Gohan X Videl Au fanfic with the names changed and I am all for it lets fucking GO.

 A couple things I’m undecided on:

* Fuckboi Deathstroke is...a choice. That’s for sure. I’m really torn because im so used to Slade being this totally in control, always scheming older dude with a rancid vibe you can only get from dating a 15 year old. (YEAH THAT’S A THING, YOU THINK HIS DYNAMIC WITH TERRA WAS FUCKED IN THE CARTOON??? HOW LITTLE YOU KNOW). So him being this young is throwing me. Granted, he’s still a douche, and a slimeball, and he introduces Amanda Waller into the narrative right away and I am always game for The Wall to show up and make things difficult, so I’m in the middle here. Lets see what they do.

* I want to like Jimmy, I do, but there’s just something about his energy that seems too...desperate. I dunno I think he needs a bit more fine tuning with his writing because he’s just a bit...too much for me. Which is not that bad honestly, he has his good moments, specifically when he teases Lois about Clark, but unlike those two he’s too surface level. Sure he and Lois stick around to help people but that’s...basic. Lois is driven to be a real reporter and is willing to stick her head into any bear trap that looks interesting enough. Jimmy is a...conspiracy theorist...lovely.

Okay, real talk, can we stop making conspiracy theorists main characters? Or treat it as some cute quirk? Because I swear these guys are never likeable enough to hold major screen time every episode. I swear if Jimmy says some bullshit about Lizard People I am going to McFreakin lose it.

And just because he’s right about the aliens and meta-humans and all the other shit doesn’t make that gimmick any less annoying! Give the guy something else! If he isn’t Superman’s Pal anymore, okay sure fine shifting dynamics is fine, but maybe give more weight to him and Clark knowing each other since college? Maybe have him visit his folks and show off how much he cares for Clark as a friend more specifically without the tinfoil hat bullshit? Please?

Anyway major nitpick above besides, good show! Go watch it! In a way that is totally legal but is sure to not give anyone in WB any money. 

[zimithrus1]

For the Fanfiction Writing Asks... I'm kind of cheating due to low spoons, sorry:

80: please answer 1 to 5 of the other 79 questions, choosing the ones you'd rather talk about today? 😅

Asks List

Cheat all you need to with low spoons, I've been there am there 💚 But also thank you for the versatility~ This is a little long so I'll add a read more option. Let's see...

7. Post a snippet from a wip With Barnaby’s portions in hand, Kotetsu carefully steps out of the kitchen, walking into the living room with a soft smile on his face. He sets the bowl down against a small coffee table just a few feet away from the couch. (Also bought on one of Kotetsu’s mentions).

“Here you go, baby bunny.” He softly says as he sets the water down next to it.

A flush of red on Barnaby’s face from the extra sweet term of endearment. “Thank you.” He says in despite of that coyness.

“Of course.” Kotetsu smiles. “Here, let me…”

He trails off, but when Barnaby shifts ever so slightly, he’s already on the move to help him reposition himself. With how his partner had his leg clutched, he’s obviously in pain, and moving himself around too much makes it flare up worse. Though with someone to help, it eases the strain. (Coming soon to an ao3 account near you lol! 😂)

13. Do you listen to music while you write? If yes, what have you been listening to recently? It varies, but more often than not I've got something playing to keep me from getting too distracted. I tend to put on songs without words, or songs that I've heard over and over and haven't gotten sick of yet. Lately when I've been writing, due to my faltering mentality, I've been listening to this and this to keep me both distracted and focused as possible. 🎧

22. Do you title your fics before, during, or after the writing process? How do you come up with titles? 95% percent of the time I come up with the tile before I even start writing. It's hard for me to start if I don't have a good title. I can think of an idea, flesh it out in my head, but until I come up with a title it stays there lol! I come up with titles from songs, not-so-common words, or smashing two words or things together. It varies depending on the idea.

34. How much personal/life experience do you include in your fics? A lot. Writing is usually how I process a lot of thoughts and feelings I don't normally allow myself to have or act on. Or its experiences I want to have, or things I was denied when I was younger that I can give myself through words now. Maybe even just to think 'wouldn't it be fucked up if this happened??' and going with it lol 😂

45. What genre/trope do you tend to write the most? My go-to trope is tied between hurt/comfort and fluff and my go-to trope is friends to lovers. Hurt/comfort has always been a good push and pull for me. I love writing how characters would react/act to bad/painful/stressful situations, and when the tension dies down, having something or someone warm, soft and comforting waiting to help pick them back up. And fluff is just, so sweet and fun to write. I've always had a knack for the cute, fun stuff in writing and art. Just makes you feel all warm and fuzzy inside hearing it. Ties in very well with hurt/comfort too, like an extra layer of glue. 👌 And friends to lovers has always been a thing I've gravitated towards even as a child. Mainly based on my own experiences. When watching movies, reading books and playing games I always thought 'how could someone just fall for someone they don't even know? I wish X went for their best friend, they've known each other for so long! It seems unfair!' (might've been the demi/ace in me too lol 🖤🤍💜) There's a connection between friends, especially friends that grew up together. They've seen the other through every stage of their life, shared secrets and late nights and pinkie promises, adventures and heartaches all the same - I always thought what's more intimate and special for a partner than that? 💗

Long rambles jeeze lol though I do love these little ask games, I get so eager to share 😆 Thank you very much for the ask, and sorry it took a little while to get to - I apparently had a lot I wanted to blab about 😂 Take care~ 💚

[ev1llesb1an]

Film lesbian making a (very late) return 🫡

Okay i haven’t shared my thought on stuff i’ve watched in FOREVER but in my defence i was rewatching mlp and now ive finally watched enough to make a post about 🙏

First off:

Twilight: ?/10

okay so obviously twilight is bad but it’s so bad that it’s good??? also i can’t believe im first watching twilight in 2024 either but here we are 😞 had to pause a million times because i physically couldn’t get thru some of the dialogues but i would absolutely watch it again

The boys: 12/10

OBVIOUSLY incredible but also completely rotted my brain. miserable in a way that i very much enjoyed. bonus points because lesbians writing the most insane homelander fics you will ever see in your life is the kinda thing the world needs 🙏 i’ll probably share my thoughts on season 4 when it comes out if i remember

Gen V: 8/10

if u loved the boys and don’t like this i’m convinced it’s because u hate queer rep so 🤨 i fucking loved this shit we need more gen z college shows (so actors in their late 20s will stop being cast as TEENAGERS 🤞) the end of season 1 was so frustrating but obviously that’s the point so i demand a season two immediately please and thank you

Jojo Rabbit: 10/10

amazing film. made me cry but i knew that would happen going into it. my dad also watched it and said it was good so if u don’t wanna listen to me u should listen to my dad because he has good takes 👍

Dirty dancing: 10/10

AGAIN how have i not watched this before??? not usually my kinda movie i guess but you can’t fault it i had a great time

My adventures with superman: 9/10

common jack quaid W (i love jack quaid) and i love himbo superman again i demand a season two IMMEDIATELY (joking ik animation takes forever take as long as needed i will still be hyped and watch it all if it comes out like 20 years from now 🫶)

Pose (so far): 10/10

okay so im only on season one but this is SO GOOD pls don’t be put off by the fact its ryan murphy because this is nothing like glee or ahs or anything i swear its genuinely incredible. queer history is also something that i am very passionate about so if you are too you should watch it everyone’s acting is so good omg

i also watched all the star wars movies but i feel like that needs its own post so ill do that later 🫡

[theparadoxmachine]

I need to explain why this man means so much to me.

I grew up in the 90s, actually a little too young to have watched him the first go around. But growing up, I feel like every show I watched had a storyline where the main character has to learn the lesson Be Yourself. And that's a fine message. But those characters were specifically designed to appeal to a mass audience of kids. They were everyman style characters. And frankly, it's easier to Just Be Yourself when you're an everyman and the weirdest thing about you is that you still play with Barbies in middle school (everyone did this I think) I liked those characters fine too. There's nothing wrong with Lizzie MacGuire or Ginger Foutley. But they weren't me. The characters that most resembled me were usually in episodes where the lesson was Don't Judge a Book By Its Cover. See it's a lot harder to swallow the lesson of "Just be yourself! Give people a chance to know the real you!" When you're weird. And I was WEIRD.

I now realize that I am in fact a traumatized, mentally ill neurodivergent queer woman, but back then I was a Weird Girl. So yeah good for you Lizzie, you're not getting bullied for ribbon dancing but what were my peers supposed to do with someone like me? I was reading Poe at the age of 8. I was quiet and liked fire and wanted to be a war goddess while being afraid of everything. The family joke was that I was actually from another planet. I was processing trauma I didn't know I had while listening to John Williams and Fleetwood Mac while everyone else was listening to Hansen and the Spice Girls. I loved reading about curses and cryptids and medieval torture devices. No amount of just be yourself messages from cartoon preteens was going to cut it.

But then there was Pee-wee. Pee-wee was WEIRD. His entire thesis statement was weirdness. He was the Patron Saint of Weirdos. He looked me dead in my eyes and, as Paul said on Portlandia, told me BEING WEIRD IS NOT A CRIME. When someone with a pet pterodactyl and a talking armchair tells you it's ok to be yourself, you fucking believe them. He walked the weird walk and took as many weirdos along with him as were willing to join him. And there were many it turns out.

Would Pee-wee think my love of horror and death was weird? Probably. Would he think it was weird that I make friends with moths and wasps and spiders and snakes? Yeah. But you better believe he'd take one look at my gothy apartment and put me right at the top of his list of people to call when it was time to decorate for Halloween. I'd have been on the guest list for his Halloween parties every year. Because being weird wasn't something that needed to be forgiven or tolerated. Being weird is a GOOD thing.

I have had such a strange emotional journey lately but where I've landed now is this. I'm not sure I can live for myself right now. But I'm going to do my best to stick around. For him. For Pee-wee and for Paul. Because I know he'd want me to. He'd want me to live and be weird and rejoice in my weirdness.

And he was always there. During bouts of depression and hardship, through all my health problems. His natural soft speaking voice always resonated at the perfect frequency to calm me down during my anxiety attacks. When I was stuck at home with spinal fluid draining into my brain, I played Pee-wee's Big Adventure, because it made me happy and because the dvd always restarted without prompting so I never had to get up if I lost the remote amongst my messed up sheets.

I met him in 2017. I pushed back all my social anxiety and went alone to my first convention because he was going to be there. Doing the terrible math, this would have been around the time he probably got diagnosed. I will be forever glad I went. I was speechless but I shook his hand and held it and tried to thank him, to convey without words how and why he's one of my favorite people in the whole world. The line for the meet and greet was over 2 hours long. He had to leave in the middle to get something to eat. He went to every single person in line and apologized and promised he would be back. I regret I'll never get to bring him muffins. But he was by all accounts one of the sweetest men in the world and I'm going to spend a lot of time missing him. And rejoicing in my weirdness. Because being weird is not a crime. Because he'd want me to. Because weirdos have to stick together.

And given the people I met at that convention, I think it's safe for me to paraphrase the words of Blanche Devereaux here and say, if love can help you wherever you are, you've got it. More than you could ever know.

I love you and I miss you.

[abhorrenttheorizer]

Jesus help me.

I'm not into kiddie shit. I don't like kids media. I never cared for the cartoons I used to watch when I was younger. I'm not "kidcore" or "plushcore" or "liminal-space-of-a-playground-core" or whatever-core.

I am a proud, dubiously respectable 20-going-on-21 year old adult.

But... A few weeks ago I stepped onto Twitter one day and saw a resurgence of the greatest thing that ever happened to 4-year-old me.

And now I've been silently obsessing over this stupid piss-colored rat and his stupid technicolor ensemble ever since. And I decided to half-sorta-kinda make some designs for a possible AU/parody "reboot", because my body functions on embarrassment and embarrassment alone.

We're going full cringe, gamers. This is my domain.

Join me, friends, on my pilgrimage to 0 followers because I keep posting stupid shit instead of things of substance.

I am going on a downward spiral to Hell and I'm dragging all of you down with me. (this is a very long post with extra autistic rambling, courtesy of yours truly)

You guys remember the show "Wow! Wow! Wubbzy!"?

Well. I do. And if you (reader) do too, we're already kissing (no allo).

For those of you who aren't in the loop with Twitter's community bullshit, basically for Year of the Rabbit, some furry artists managed to dig up... Widget, as their primary source material, because she's a rabbit. And I'm half parts giddy and half parts pissed for multiple reasons.

For starters (somewhat unrelated), the HBO Max rendition of Scooby Doo, "Velma" came out sometime in 2023 (I can't exactly remember the date). It was essentially a SUPARR GRITTY EDGY ADULT REBOOT

In short, it horribly butchered the source material and in its attempt to be a SUPARR GRITTY EDGY ADULT REBOOT, basically became an insulting mockery of the show it was based off of or "reviving".

And I thought to myself... What if I did that? What if I ruined my own childhood by taking this crown jewel of 2006 and also turning it into a SUPARR GRITTY EDGY ADULT REBOOT?

In the parodical sense, of course.

Basically a reimagining of Wubbzy and friends in a late 2010s setting, possibly 2016, when the characters are a little older and having to slog through the parts of life that aren't particularly suitable for a preschooler's cartoon.

I wanted to keep the art style somewhat true to the source material, but my cartooning skills are extremely rusty and I don't know how to give things the "Generic Adult Cartoon" look, so the art style ended up looking like the horrible out-of-wedlock spawn of Winnie the Pooh and Adventure Time.

Hopefully I didn't unintentionally ruin their designs because I had to give most of them stupid emo 2012 furry hair swoops. Their "redesigns" just looked incomplete without them.

Going through the main-ish characters (incomplete) and how I've bastardized them to fit the SUPARR GRITTY EDGY ADULT REBOOT theme (very much not to sizing scale):

I've changed around some of the species choices for the characters to make them a little more "interesting" in my opinion. This will play into some of their behaviors, because I fucking love talking animal characters acting like the animals they were based off of.

Very one dimensional descriptions because I'm still finding my footing with this, and I just need to get this off my chest.

Wubbzy is a hybrid of a Mongolian gerbil and a sand cat. He's 14 now.

Basically the standard angsty teen struggling to maintain his chipper attitude in an environment that's more unnecessarily meanspirited and meaningless because he's stuck in a gritty "deep" adult cartoon and "life just suuucks, maaan".

Daizy is a Maltese breed dog (im not hybridizing her because her source design is crowded enough).

A year older than Wubbzy, she is one of those kids who "lives under a rock" per-se. Somehow is able to keep the same cheerful demeanor since she was a kid, but is frequently bullied and mocked for her naivety and her lack of knowledge on memes and other teenage trends.

And now for these three bozos. Once upon a time, they were silly kids that loved playing outdoor games and so on. Now they're juul hitting, offensive meme posting, band playing, devil's lettuce smoking (alleged) delinquents. They're all the same age as Daizy (so 15).

Huggy is a least weasel, and she's just at the beginning of her streetcore phase.

The mastermind behind the meme pages run by the three, and she's the reason why all of them are addicted to monster drinks, anime, "edgy" memes, and every flavor of e-cigarrette there is.

Buggy is a European hare, and is the patron saint of "band kids".

Super obsessed with anime and vidya, is one of the 1st trumpets in his band class and uses that opportunity to play every dead meme imaginable, and has dubiously been featured several times on r/iamverysmart.

Earl is the hybrid of a Syrian hamster and a Bengal tiger.

One of those dudes that's super into sports, cars, men's fashion, and fitness. Was the first to introduce the three to cringe anime gymbro memes. A Certified Good Boi, but is cursed to have the fashion sense of a fuckboy for the rest of his life.

And of course, we can't forget about these old, saggy losers (affectionate)

Firstly, to get this off my chest, it's one of my biggest pet peeves when people choose to... "yassify" characters, but they refuse to do it in a way that actually fits the character. I've seen my fair share of fat Widget and curvy Widget, but why do none of these cowards ever draw her buff? Did they even watch the show? Widget's a fucking carpenter and mechanical engineer for fucks sake. She's shitting out heavy, complicated robotics and automation like every half hour. SHE BUILDS ALL HER FUCKING INVENTIONS BY HAND. She could LITERALLY crush everyone around her like rotten grapes if she wanted to, and yet I NEVER see anyone make her the barrel-chested, steel-pecced, iron-fisted Valkyrie she was meant to be. Anyway...

These two (hypothetically) will have the most adult oriented themes and issues, amplified even moreso because as of "2016" they'd be in their mid 30s. Neither change very much because it's extremely likely that in the source show, they're already post-college adults.

(these two were/are my favorite characters too, so of course i have to put them through the most suffering lol)

Widget, Millennial Scum #2 (1982 baby), is a hybrid of a black-tailed jackrabbit and a greater bilby.

Unluckily had her workshop closed down for unlicensed manufacturing as well as a specific "accident" she'd prefer not to mention. Now struggles to regain where her career was dropped off by working as a designer and manufacturer for some unspecified corporation. Throughout her struggles, she somehow manages to stay hopeful and determined that she'll return to her love of freelance engineering.

Walden, Millennial Scum #1 (1981 baby), is a hybrid of a Malayan sun bear and a thylacoleo (carnifex). Goes through the most suffering because he was/is my absolute favorite ;-)

After a false accusation from some disgruntled out-of-town interns/coworkers, his credentials were compromised and he was put on a watchlist after rumors began to circulate that he owned and operated a meth lab. Was basically barred from having an in-person occupation, or really any occupation that isn't anonymous. On top of that, he believes he's "hit the wall" prematurely, thinking he's too old, too controversial, and too out-of-touch to live an exciting and fulfilling life anymore.

These aren't finalized and I don't even know why I'm speaking like this when I'm regarding basically a crackfic, but uhhhh that was all from me

See you guys later when my brain starts hemorrhaging again teehee bye

[questforgalas]

A very personal ramble on what fandom means to me - a love letter to Supernatural, Lord of the Rings, and Star Wars

I've been feeling ✨feels ✨lately so here's a long ramble about my journey into fandom and what it all means to me. I've noted in my ramble where I actually talk about fandom. scroll if you want, but if you choose to read, hopefully this helps you feel secure with your found family too

The thing is that everyone's just trying to find a reason to live. Some people find it in family. Some people find it in the simple idea of what tomorrow will bring. Some people find it through fitness, or art, or history. Some find it in stories. And 3 stories - one about a galaxy far far away, one about a fellowship fighting against the ultimate evil, and the other about two brothers taking on the world - those were my stories. Those were what kept me alive. What keep me alive.

I was 7 years old when The Phantom Menace came out in theatres. Before that, my parents showed us the OG trilogy, telling us about taking their once a month date night (because that's all they could afford) to the $2 theatre down the street to see this new movie everyone was talking about. Spoiler alert: it was Star Wars, and they were excited to show it to us when they were remastered in the 90s.

Like I said, I was young, so when we watched the OG trilogy, I thought it was fun and cool (Leia stood out to me as a female character I didn't usually see, and I asked for a Chewie stuffy immediately), but I didn't connect to them. That was for my middle brother, who comes into the story later (I'm the little sister by the way).

So there I was, 7 years old, going to see the new Star Wars that my brothers were all stoked for, and even at 7 I thought it was so cool that I got to sit and experience the fanfare opening in theatres. It was so impactful watching at home, but seeing it in a theater? It was next level. And by the time Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon got to Naboo, I could just tell that this movie was for me. This movie was for me and the other kids in the theatre. Yes it was also for my brothers and my parents who were already fans of this universe, but this was my invitation into the galaxy and my invitation to the fandom - as George Lucas has said many times, Star Wars is for kids, and I FELT that in that theatre.

Let alone, when Obi-Wan withdrew his hood in the first scene, even 7 year old me went "who is THAT". *sigh* hormones

Anyway, The Phantom Menace quickly became my favorite movie. I asked to go see it in theatres 5 times in its first month. I was hooked. My journey with the nerd world had just started, and it was glorious. Then 2 years later, I was truly hooked and there was no going back. The Fellowship of the Ring was released, and ironically, I didn't go see it right away because I heard all these reports about this new movie that was "better than Star Wars" and being the loyal stubborn individual that I am, I refused to see LOTR. (quick note: I fucking love Star Wars, but I don't think many can argue that it's better than LOTR. 9 year old me was proven this very quickly).

I relented and to say I became obsessed might be an understatement. The Fellowship of the Ring just hit something with me. Here was this story about the smallest people making an impact and it didn't matter your skill level or experience, everyone respected each other and helped each other and there was so much love and beauty. 9 year old me cried for the first time from a movie during the breaking of the fellowship. And then I learned that an actual place like that existed, this place called New Zealand, and then my head was filled with dreams of adventures that could actually be in reach.

I won't bore you with the nitty gritty, but 2001 to 2005 was filled with Lord of the Rings and Star Wars and they saved me. I was 6' by 11 years old, tended to hold my weight, and was given the nickname "hippograffe" in school (yes, that's a hippo and a giraffe combined). I was the youngest of 5, and my older siblings were starting to go to college which was a concept I didn't understand and my young mind just saw it as my favorite people were leaving me. I was suffering hard. Like most pre-teens and teenagers, I just wanted to be cool and fit in the best I could, but this was the 2000s and being a nerd was the furthest thing from fitting in. If you're familiar with the press about the prequels trilogy at the time, you know that it was especially not cool to be a fan of the newest Star Wars movies.

So I made the decision to distance myself from Star Wars (one I regretted years later), and went full in on Lord of the Rings. I didn't have an online community to interact with and my family were all casual fans, so it was just me and the characters that came to be like family to me, especially the ones that each time I watched them healed me little by little. Characters that made me feel less alone in a world I was becoming increasingly isolated in. I noticed this, and I made a decision.

Entering into fandom territory

Fast forward to college. I had fully cloaked my nerdiness. Only my closest friends knew how much I loved Lord of the Rings, and barely anyone knew I was a Star Wars girl first. The only time I let my nerd flag fly was through video games when my friends and I would play Skyrim literally all night.

I actually discovered fandom culture through Pinterest. It was like my guilty pleasure, and I'd search "nerd" to be greeted by screenshots of the Tumblr trifecta (this was the 2010s so if you know, you know), and the screenshots of two brothers hunting monsters with their angel friend really peaked my interest. So yeah, my first fandom I entered was Supernatural and wow, what a fandom to join at the time. When they say the Supernatural fandom is a family, they're not kidding. I came onto Tumblr because of Supernatural, and it was like a new galaxy had been opened up to me.

People were talking about their reactions to a scene, and no one was making fun of them?? People were sharing their love about a certain character, and it was encouraged?? People shared what the story meant to them and others connected with them?? People wore the merch and people hyped them?!?! I was FLOORED. I was like a kid who was in a candy shop with an unlimited budget. I finally, for the first time since 2001, didn't feel alone. I was finally healing.

I stuck to just the Supernatural fandom for awhile, but as I saw more and more positive interactions, I branched out to the LOTR side of Tumblr (this took years by the way. Your journey in fandom is always going to be unique, and I was still struggling in my head against the concept of "fitting in"). I can't describe the calming feeling that's created when you see your favorite media of the last 17 years (we're in 2018 now) be loved with the same enthusiasm you've harbored by a group of strangers. Realizing you're not alone and your passion is nothing wrong but something beautiful instead

In 2019, I was presented with the opportunity to go to New Zealand. You know that fantastical place I'd dreamed about since I was 10? The place that a girl from the east coast of America never truly thought she'd ever get to see? Well an 18 year dream was possible, and I can genuinely say that the love and healing I felt from my years of interacting with fandom bolstered me to fly solo across the world and go on a road trip to the filming locations. I walked into Hobbiton and started sobbing, and you know what happened? 8 of the 12 people in my tour group gathered around me and gave me hugs as they whispered "we understand, we get it, we're feeling the same way too". Strangers from around the world, but we were gathered there for the sole purpose of loving The Lord of the Rings, and that was a family.

If you're still here (which wow, thank you, it means a lot for you to take the time to read me ramble), you're probably thinking "Tay where's Star Wars? It's been years since you mentioned it". Welcome to November 2019. To recap, at this point, I'd hidden my love for Star Wars for almost 14 years. Literally if you asked any of my close friends at that point if I liked Star Wars, they'd tell you I only mentioned it in passing. I'd become so good at hiding that part and lying to myself. Well, Disney+ comes out, I'm living by myself at the time, and this new Star Wars thing called The Mandalorian is announced. I'll save you the details, but as you can see from my blog, my love for Star Wars EXPLODED out of me.

I missed space. I missed crazy aliens. I missed the every day person navigating an unfathomable galaxy. I MISSED SPACE WIZARDS. So I went full in again and rewatched the prequels for the first time since 2005, and baby was I hooked all over again. I remembered my brother liking Star Wars back in the day, but at this point, our relationship is strained. But I reached out asking him for any Star Wars recs, and he immediately told me about The Clone Wars, excitedly telling me about his favorite arcs. It was easily the most we'd spoken to each other in 5 years, and here we were, texting regularly as if we did it every day. I checked out The Clone Wars, and you know what hooked me? The freaking B1 battle droids. Here was a show that had everything I loved (prequel era, Jedi, Padme), and now the droids had sassy humor that had me spitting out my drink every time? Sign me the f up. Then add in the complexity of the clones and my favorite female character, Ahsoka, and it was game over. Rebels followed soon after, and well, here we are today.

I have Star Wars to thank for still having a relationship with my brother. I even introduced him to Star Wars tumblr once I kind of got the hang of it, and he was just as taken by the community as I was.

The Star Wars fandom is tough sometimes, there's no doubt about it. But I learned to navigate my experience of the media, and over the years carved my little spot that gives me joy while also finding a voice to help others feel comfortable enjoying a media that's brought me so much peace and love in my life.

So if you made it to the end of this, I hope you enjoyed my love letter to the Supernatural, Lord of the Rings, and Star Wars fandoms. You've created spaces that allowed for people like me to not feel so alone and to make the world finally see that being a nerd means living a colorful life of joy and acceptance. I have fandom to thank for still being here today, and I hope more and more wandering younglings find their way to us

[manicgoblin]

picked up some ❄️ last night and hung with squad. watched scary movies and cackled together all night. ended up staying over with Elliott and watching lilo and stitch together in bed. we had v vulnerable convo after sex about new fantasies and things to explore in the bedroom together, how life is going for us in general, how we've both been feeling low and mentally off our game lately, how we crave community and new and exciting adventures in our daily lives. it was very tender and endearing. im glad we can talk the way we do. we told each other new childhood stories. I opened up about my sadness for the holidays and my birthday tmrw and he rubbed my back while I talked. he gave me the tightest hug after and told me we'll plan a friends day for Christmas. Said that I should stay the night on the 24th and spend time with everyone who's still home. hes good to me, but he's not always good to himself, and that hurts us both sometimes. Its the same with me. we're both a bit (a big bit) of a work in progress, but still our friendship continues to grow. our connection is deeply important to us both, especially at this time of our lives. I'm very grateful for him. he told me that his life here in Maine would look very different if I wasn't here that I really help him feel more at home and cared for at a time in his life where he's struggling to feel connected to the people who love him. he thanked me and reiterated that he's got my back too. we are planning to rent out a pottery studio together so he can teach me how to work with clay, and he can get back into his artistic grind, and we also are planning some volunteer days at a soup kitchen downtown. we both have been struggling w execution lately, so I said why not try it together? I told him my biggest hurdle tends to be going it alone, not that I can't, just that it feels scary and also sad to not have anyone around to share new things with. he understood. he was excited and appreciative for the suggestion. he just dropped me off at home, but he'll pick me up in the am to make breakfast and start the day with squad. we're gonna venture to a new lighthouse as a lil unit, which makes my heart v full. I love lighthouses. I've seen all the landlocked ones in this area already, so this will be another added to the list. then we're squading back up at the boys house, drinking/partying, playing the new we are not really strangers deck I bought, probably some other card games, and dancing all night. ru's meeting us at squad house after work, and I'm bringing my polaroids, so I can add new ones to my fridge. I think this time I'll let some other people take some pictures, so I can be in them too haha. I want to remember this birthday. I always let them go by so fast. I don't want to think about them. I tell myself I hate celebrating, but fuck I'm 25 now. I want this one to feel good and warm, and I want tangible proof of the love I witness with the people in my life this time around. I'm v grateful to be spending it with all of them. I do wish deeply that cherise and sunmi could be here, but I'll see them again soon. Makes my heart ache to not be near them. It would be so nice if Sam could come down from Acadia too, but I'm sure I'll see them all again soon. For now, I'll make the best of what I've got, and cherish the day with my friends that can be here. The emotional whiplash will be heavy tmrw, I know this. I warned squad I'll probably be emotional and moody throughout the day, but I'm very appreciative of them being there with me anyways, just witnessing and experiencing it with me. allowing me to grieve and celebrate in the ways that come up. Here's to making it another year I didn't think possible. To being as sad and grateful as I've ever been. To having all the freedom I've ever dreamed of in the palm of my hands, and simultaneously the most roadblocks right in front of me. To forging on anyway. To love, to love, to love.

[pwblogarchive]

September 2007

September 11, 2007

“folie a duex”

sometimes the planets align

sometimes they dont

its like how part of my childhood was stolen when they took planetary status away from pluto

well be there one day

honestly i dont mind you saying fuck you to me-

when you included the "horse you rode in on"

it kind of went to hell

i am sick- like i cant ever get enough sleep or time or words

as this thing grows i become more and more insecure.

cant look anyone in the eyes-

i am paranoid- worried sick that i am not good enough for anyone who looks at me

i know how ridiculous this sounds

trust me

the new video makes me feel the big black sadness

folie a deux is the idea of shared madness- the scientific term for romeo and juliet

i have a feeling that we share that with eachother when you have your headphones on

currently working on: taking it easy-

dont mean to be so heavy just want you to know why i look so gray sometimes lately.

September 14, 2007

after the pornstar john holmes career deflated he turned to showing up at LAX and stealing peoples bags off of the conveyor belt.

i watched someone do this to me at the airport today.

i am obsessed with the change that can turn in the world.

that is what our new video is about.

why was every question about 'how bad is britneys performance gonna be' and not about anything that truly matters in this world.

sometimes the message is more important than the art.

later on we will release a remixed version that includes more of our personal experience in africa.

for now i am content to see the love between these two and the way the civil war that rages around them affects it.

its hard to imagine that they are just like the kids that show up at our shows, only born in a different country...

vintage louis vuitton bags under the eyes

the marlbo-glow

i need him more than he needs me, he needs her more than he needs me and so on.

theres nothing new under the sun

but were reading on existentialism in the shade.

i am so in love with YOU and the idea of YOU listeing to the music and singing the words.

i know its weird but i like to imagine what you are thinking when its playing.

if it werent for that i am not sure where i would turn.

i guess this is another halfhearted thank you. just because you keep tuning in.

"dont you think its insane how donald duck never wears pants?"

life is better when youre around.

but yes i do think its insane.

September 22, 2007

eyes the size of the moon.

iron and wine "the trapeze swinger"

Posted by xoat 1:35 AM

September 26, 2007

isnt it ironic how "ironic" has no ironies in it

havent slept in days.

think i am starting to crack.

my room is thrashed, covered in matter that doesn't matter and i almost cried while watching garden state- i think its not funny anymore.

sick of watching what genius is.

sometimes genius is being completely ordinary.

when i look up at the sky i want to eat the stars.

its daylight again, everything goes back to being boring.

nothing too much to say. just gonna watch the world spin this

Posted by xoat 1:17 AM

September 28, 2007

i dont know if has been apparent or not but in the past year or so i have become so insecure its insane. it blows my mind everytime i leave the house i feel weird. strange. i feel like everything i do ruins something of my friends or my band or the songs i love. i feel like i am constantly on the defense, like i have to work so hard just to make people not hate me that i am not even myself. i havent been able to look the front row of the crowd in the eyes and hide in the back most of the time because i am so insecure with myself.

but for some reason tonight that all changed. the show tonight i connected. i felt the electricity. the light came back on. it felt so good. thank you to all that were there.

sorry. not trying to be a downer or a "poor me" kind of thing, its just been a weird adventure. it feels good to plug back in. this journal entry was one i wrote a year ago this week when i think i was pretty sure id die at age 27 (glad i didnt):

"i couldnt stay away.

the words are obsession and always have been.

heartache lite. diet love.

i am a catch and release boy.

kind of.

put summer in a pine box.

i went to sleep in june and woke up in the middle of september.

making out on stretchers, getting some in the back of an ambulance.

my hips are dry docked.

love is incidental.

the best verus the rest.

'they wipe their feet on our dreams'.

ive got 27 years hiding in the smile wrinkles of my eyes. the real ones and the fake ones take up the same space in the skin.

noone gives a fuck about eyes that are always leaking.

besides youre just hushing headboards that are always creaking.

its become apparent that there may be no one thinking of you the way i do at this very moment.

were "out of the woods"

but i am in love with the tree i used to lie under.

eyes green with envy or brown and full of shit.

or somewhere in between.

i want this to be a remix of our nighttimes."

the smiles lately have all been real. except sometimes its hard to smile when theres a camera in your fae and your just trying to get through the day. gonna try to fuck up less. nothing poetic about it: maybe things are about to get better, maybe theyre gonna get darker. i am in love with everything that is broken and sometimes i like it that whats broken is in love with me. forever kids are magnets for eachother.

anyway, finally got the chance to catch up on my insomnia and read a bunch of your letters. they keep my head straight when i get it cloudy. thanks for sticking it out with me- not like as some guy on a stage- but as an honest connection. it means alot.

ok back to being negative and pouty.

sleep tight or have a good day.

[anosci]

Media Thread

im making a list of media ive watched/played/etc this year with brief thoughts. its going to be far less featured than my music list, but still a bit long. again mirroring twitter except this time because fuck twitter.

list below the cut

～January～

1/ Princes Arete (2001) I was sold on this movie under the premise that it's similar to Kino no Tabi. and… it is. kinda. Kino and Arete would be cool pals. Every character is interesting, which seems rare(?) Only real drawback: the hostage situation kinda really sucked.

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2/ Time of EVE (2008/9) the classic tale: androids indistinguishable from humans as an allegory for racism. but unlike DBH, this is actually really good. its a story that feels like a single thread in a vast tapestry that'd be fascinating to explore, but too bad: you only have 6 eps

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3/ Spice & Wolf (2008) i remember loving this show. i don't remember understanding the economics. I took notes this time. I still struggled. (spoilers for ep3) regardless: wow this is a good show. weirdly, I saw myself in the relationship portrayals. I guess that means its realistic?

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～February～

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4/ Spice & Wolf II (2009) i feel like this kinda fell off? :( like it tried too hard to be action-packed. and that worked sometimes. but that first arc was just… :( it feels like a case of "just needs an editing pass. needs a bit more focus" i'll treasure S1 more, after all

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5/ Double Fine PsychOdyssey (2023) absurdly captivating. i say that it's a miracle that any video game gets made ever. this shows that Psychonauts 2 was several miracles in succession. it's simultaneously illusion-shattering and inspiring.

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6/ The Owl House S1 (2020) finally sat down to watch this. it's GOOD. lots of worldbuilding to chew on, and then it picked up quite nicely. im immediately pouncing on S2 and feeling glad i was late enough to be able to marathon

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～March～

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7/ The Owl House S2 (2022) stumbling down the boulderest mountain and hitting every rock on the way down. the rocks represent engagement. i am engaged. i adore this show. it is a little weird to suddenly freeze mid-tumble.

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8/ Broken Age (2014) (Dr. Mick's LP) delightful start! brilliant, even! then the big bad is revealed and…. meh. I watched Dr. Mick's playthru tho, and holy shit that's some really cool commentary.

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9/ Double Fine Adventure! (2015) its a little unfortunate that the nature of gamedev means that the ending is kinda anticlimatic but good lord what an amazing journey. i'd watch a million of these.

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10/ Everything Everywhere All At Once (2022) ok ok fine ill [finally] watch it …oh its good. like really good. its rly funny but in a way that fascinatingly beside the point? yeah I can see why some ppl didnt like this but i think its super fun

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11/ Nichijou (2011) a nice and cute slice of life thing… that occasionally breaks out some quality jokes. though only half of them landed for me. i feel like i would've gotten more out of this if I caught it at the time.

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～April～

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12/ The Owl House S3 (2023) i had a lot of reservations about the collector initially but having seen the entire arc: that came together nicely! still sad that it's The End, but like. good overall!

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13/ Penguindrum (2011) i DONT think i followed 90% of the themes and their connections. that said, i DO love the way metaphors are treated as "literal". confusing maybe, but i adore the idea of "paint what you feel not what you see" applied to storytelling.

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～May～

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14/ From the New World (2012) this has a mess of an opening (several) episode(s), but it eventually found its footing and became quite a cool action adventure… thriller i guess? i do take some issues with bits and pieces but it was a good watch overall.

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15/ GinGitune (2013) fluff. the lightest, fluffiest of fluff. melts in water. there are several elements that couldve been mined for drama and intrigue but they were all treated as background elements. (this isn't a bad thing, but it's not what you might expect.)

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～June～

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16/ Space Dandy (2014) dropped after ep4, but on good terms i guess? fun animation, funky vibes, sometimes even funny! anime johny bravo…or I think i saw a Dirty Pair comparison, which feels right. but im not meshing with the silly wacky high nrg antics rn. maybe another time.

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～July～

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17/ Death Parade (2015) rly misleading intro (i was ready to drop lol) rly rly promising setup by ep4 RLY good development and mildly biffed ending, but hard to fault considering its a 12ep. i love the aesthetics, worldbuilding, characters. overall i really really liked this!!!

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18/ One Punch Man S1 (2015) i forgot how fun this show is! and the great worldbuilding! i dont plan to move to the second season again tho. i thought about grabbing the manga instead but good lord it's way longer than i thought. oh well.

---

19/ Flying Witch (2016) slicest of life with a la croix touch of supernatural. the normal slices didn't do much for me 90% of the time. but the supernatural slices? choice. (…mostly.) tbh i just want an entire season of that cafe.

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～August～

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20/ Haven't You Heard? I'm Sakamoto (2016) i was skeptical, but this actually worked rly well. for moment. a short, beautiful moment. most of the potential here was stifled by trying to add high school drama/plot. the comedy tho, at its best, had a vibe i havent felt since hayate

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～September～

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21/ Saiki Kusuo no Psi Nan (2016) it is VERY EASY for a comedy show to slide from "absurdity = funny" to "this is just annoying". somehow, this never crossed that line, which was weirdly refreshing? not always a winner, but overall a good mix of laughs and superpower exploration.

21b/ edit to add: oh this was right after Sakamoto! Man. The two feel kind of kindred but Saiki is leagues better at staying fresh.

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22/ Viewfinder (2023) short but very sweet mind-bender puzzler thing. the story had a cool foundation but fumbled in execution imo. but the gameplay? top notch. felt great through and through. never too difficult. beautiful idea and beautiful execution.

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23/ Flip Flappers (2016) uncertain about the show at first, and then, after watching… im still uncertain. i did enjoy it, but I also felt outside the audience ig? a case where I can imagine a version of this show that knocks my socks off, but as-is it's just a fun ride

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24/ Fionna & Cake (2023) my expectations were very low and they were VASTLY exceeded! think this show is at its strongest when exploring characters w short stories, which was most of this. the ending felt slightly fumbled…i think it couldve rocked me but instead it was just :).

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～October～

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25/ Outer Wilds: Echoes of the Eye (2021) i already played and loved this game, but happened upon About Oliver's playthrough and fell in love again. truly that is The Most outer wilds playthrough. good lord.

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26/ The Amazing Digital Circus (2023) interesting and filled with style… but not for me. i'd list complaints but basically all of them are strengths and favorites for someone else. yknow?

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～November～

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27/ Little Witch Academia TV (2017) as the credits roll, i find myself with two thoughts: croix was done dirty and wow this is SPECTACLE. aptly magical. oh also! it was quite fun to follow along with contemporary discussion

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～December～

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28/ Scott Pilgrim Takes Off (2023) oh it's like. really good. i dont remember the movie so i cant compare but this stands well on its own and i love the character exploration, even if i dont like some of the uhh… what would you call that? scifi jokes? (spoiler territory soz)

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29/ Land of the Lustrous (2017) FLOORED by how much I loved this. qualms about the CG turned into admiration, the shading drawing me into the world. worries about annoying characters melted away to find admirable layers. THE USE OF SYMBOLISM kept me SO well fed. and the pacing!

29b/ cont: my only complaint that isn't a nitpick: i hate how it left so, so, so many threads loose. i faceplanted my dashboard during the decelerating pace between the first 10 eps and the final 2. i get that it's from an ongoing manga but that still felt maximum bummer.

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30/

[adventures-of-the-creeping-bam]

NEVER SPLIT THE PARTY: THE ADVENTURES OF THE CREEPING BAM,  BOOK THREE: WARMER - CHAPTER 27

If you’re new to the story, please go check out Book 1 first …

Book 3 Chapter 1 is here …

MPORTANT:  Please note this story includes content that may be considered mature, such as moderate battle violence, some strong language and occasional mild sexual scenes.

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CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN:  ART

I must’ve drifted off sometime in the afternoon, I realise now it must be getting late the way most o’ the candles have been extinguished round the room, just a few burning now, most o’ the remaining light coming from the fire burning in the hearth.  Reckon I was slow realising just how much time I’d actually gone without more’n a drunken snatch o’ sleep that Krakka then just burned right outta me with his god magic.  I mean he sobered me up, gave me an edge again for the fight on the Heath, but … fuck, it was a rough night an’ morning after.  And even worse after the warehouse …

Thorin … Hardway was annihilated.  Whatever the fuck that rogue wizard set up in there did its job spectacularly.  Worse the way they set up all that scrap metal to make the wreckage a whole lot more brutal, I never really heard about anything like that before.  Must’ve been something that evil bitch Vandryss dreamed up, seems like just the kinda cruel trick she’d think of.

The chaos afterwards … I’ll admit my sleep’s been less than restful cuz of it.  When I’m shaken awake again I come up a good deal rougher than I’d like, genuinely jumping outta my near-prone sprawl on the couch in the Temple lounge with my heart pounding, and I feel how clammy I am under my leather.  Sweating up a storm in my sleep … no wonder, given the half-remembered horrors I just escaped.  Something loud and angry and very wet, genuinely soaked in blood and terror, I reckon.  Whatever it was shook loose by that terrible blast and everything that followed it.  Not just what did but what could have.

So I’m sat right up when I open my eyes, wide as they’ll go I reckon, and I’m genuinely a little surprised to see it’s Yeslee who’s drawing back now.  I didn’t scare her, I know that much, she don’t look even remotely rattled and I wouldn’t have expected it either, but maybe there’s a touch o’ concern in her look as she examines me.  She ain’t straightened back up yet, still leaning over the back of the couch, watchful now.

“Oh … fuck, that was …”  I feel the flush of heat rising under my face, and like always I’m glad o’ my fur and the way it can so easily hide it.  “Sorry.  I’m just …”

I don’t finish as I feel the small, rumpled shape tucked in close beside me stirring now, a somewhat lost, confused mew of half-consciousness escaping her as she starts to shove herself up too.  Bloody hell … I can’t believe she actually stayed.  When she settled in beside me she told me not to say a word about it, and definitely not to try anything, she just needed to crash, same as me.  I fully expected her to be gone long before I woke up again.

Finally Darwyn sits up too, bleary as hell as she blinks away through her dishevelled hair, fighting for focus.  “Oh fuck … what is it?”

This just makes Yes frown a little deeper, but she don’t answer.  Instead she just straightens up at last, half turning to regard someone else who’s stepping forward now.  Normally I can see just fine in the relative gloom we’re surrounded by, but I’m still waking up myself, it takes me a long moment to focus so I have trouble recognising ‘em …

Fuck.  My eyes widen again, and I genuinely start to smile, I’m a little overwhelmed to see Shay.  “Hey!  You’re okay!  You are okay, ain’t you?”

Letting out a deep, weary sigh I feel in my bones, the half-orc slumps a little, reaching up with both her hands in order to shove her hair out of her face.  She’s stripped off her armour again, down to the well-fitted leather and padded linen under-armour she wears underneath it, which gives her a very svelte, lithe appearance.  That being said, the slouch in her posture kinda ruins the effect.  She’s tired, same as the rest of us.  “It’ll do.  Honestly, I think both of you had the smarter idea.”

She looks good, though, all things considering.  When we started to regroup after the blast, she was well out, having taken a major hit as Tulen jumped ‘em out, and if it hadn’t been for Hurrig Stormshield’s uncanny enchanted armour reckon she’d have been good and shredded.  In truth I’m surprised she actually removed it at all, I don’t think I’d ever take it off again after something like that …

That being said, she didn’t escape entirely unscathed.  She’s got a few cuts on her right cheek, one going pretty deep, that the healers have clearly been at, reduced to striking purple silk scars, and she got a little notch taken out of her ear too, I notice.  Like Kesla.  It don’t do a thing to make her look any less beautiful than she already is, it just makes her look more dangerous with it.

Shifting a little more on the cushions so I can swing my legs over the side and sit up properly, I give my back a little stretch.  “I dunno … feels like a bloody mixed blessing to me right now.  Can’t tell if I’m just fucked in the head now, or –”

“You’re fine.”  Yeslee growls, stood by now with her arms folded tight.  She’s as unmarked as the pair of us, of course, but then she had the good sense to start running the second people started shouting about getting the fuck out of that place.  “You’ll be fine.  You just need time.”

“Yeah, sure …”  I drop my head and brace my hands behind it as I double over for a long moment, breathing in and out several times through my nose and mouth.  Finally I give my back one last stretch, then look up again.  “Oh … okay, I’m all right.  What’s up?”

Shay don’t answer right away, instead shooting a cautious look at Yes while she just shrugs, although she looks down as she does it, suddenly unable to make eye contact.  Oh … well that can’t be good.  And now I start thinking about … oh shit … oh, no … that couldn’t be …

“No … please, she’s okay, ain’t she?  Tell me she didn’t –”

“She’s awake.”  Shay answers quick, wide-eyed and a little breathless as she catches on that she just shocked the hell outta me.  “Kesla’s … well she’s not not great, but she’s awake.  She’s pretty angry about her back, but I think that might be more about the tattoo than the actual wounds.”

Oh thank the gods … I breathe out again, my heart starting to slow, and after a second Darwyn surprises me as she gets up on her knees and reaches over, giving my shoulder a good, tight grip with her other hand wanders to the back of my neck and starts kneading with gentle but familiar surety.  Wow … ain’t felt that in a long time.  It’s almost enough to set me off purring.

“Yeah, sounds about right.”  I manage to chuckle now, mirthless and more’n a little bitter, I realise.  “Typical Kesla.”

She was definitely the one hit worst out of all of us.  Tulen took a nasty shot in the shoulder and very nearly lost hold of the other two, which I suspect might’ve been disastrous for Kesla and Shay when they were porting, I dunno exactly how that works, just how instantaneous the teleportation actually is.  When we found her she was screaming bloody murder about it, but I can’t say I was overly surprised – never mind it was a messy wound, a little deeper or just an inch more to the side and it might well have cut her arm clean off, I was quick remembering that it was also her first time ever actually getting hurt in the field.  She had no clue what it’d actually be like, so she was entirely unprepared.  So when we got back she was sent straight to the healers and I ain’t seen her since.

Kesla though … she definitely got it worse.  That flying metal … fuck, that shit must’ve been flying angry hot and scary fast to have torn through the steel of her back-plate like that.  Her half-plate got pretty comprehensively ruined by the blast, the shrapnel, I heard that’s what it’s called, hitting her harder’n one o’ Yeslee’s arrows.  I suspect if she hadn’t been wearing that plate, she might’ve been killed, and even Janna Merphin’s miraculous jack-of-plates only negated the damage a little more.  The worst of it still got through, and when we finally found her she was down, very much out, and bleeding badly.  She was priority number one, then – Lady Naru grabbed hold of both her and Shay on the spot and ported ‘em both back to the Temple before coming back to the rest of us.

When we finally got back, she was still in the most extreme back room of the infirmary, the Surgery itself, undergoing some serious, life-or-death treatment with the Temple’s most skilled clerics.  Honestly, when I last saw her Kesla looked bad enough I was genuinely expecting her to die, much like Shay damn near did a few days ago too.  Indeed I know full well that’s exactly what must’ve been going through her mind once she woke up again, prompting her to do the exact same thing that Gael did for her since it took her so long to resurface.  I’m sure she’s thoroughly relieved underneath all her clear exhaustion to see our friend and nominal leader’s gonna be all right after all … indeed, not only that, but it sounds like she’s already pretty much back to being her old self.

Once again, thank you Minerva.  You’re an incredible goddess.  You keep this up I just might have to start praying to you too.  Certainly I can now see what Gael’s always been going on about.

Thinking about our missing wizard puts a dampener on my good mood right away, and I deflate.  Shit … and that was our last chance to find ‘em, too.  Now we’re back to scrabbling about in the dark, meanwhile they’re …

When I look up again, I can see the clear concern in Shay’s face, knowing she’s read my mind pretty effectively.  So I take a deep breath and try to fortify myself again, figuring she would’ve just let us both keep sleeping if it wasn’t really important.  “Well yeah, that’s great news … so what is up?”

“Honestly?”  Shay’s expression don’t change, except maybe to get a little more haunted, actually.  That don’t do my nerves any favours.  “We’re not too sure ourselves.  Sessa just got back.”

I blink, having to take a beat to get my memories in order as the name throws me a little.  Must still have a little waking up to do … “Oh yeah, you mean Gael and Tulen’s friend?  The cute one?”

Darwyn hisses, immediately stopping with the massage while giving my shoulder a much rougher pinch before letting go now as she starts to shuffle away from me.  No surprise there, she knows me too well, even if I don’t really mean anything by it.

Yeslee, on the other hand, simply rolls her eyes, while Shay chuckles, somewhat ruefully.  “Gods Art, you think they’re all cute.”

“Well they are.  She certainly is.”  I cock a brow with a half-smile, letting her know I ain’t being remotely serious about it all.  “Yeah … anyway, that’s good, ain’t it?  I thought we were expecting her.  If anything she’s late.  Almost a whole day, in fact.”

Again, the two women exchange a somewhat worried, furtive glance, Shay’s shaky good humour evaporating instantly.  “Um … no, that’s not exactly … she came back alone.  And she was hurt.  Quite badly.”

I stiffen immediately, while Darwyn slips off the cushion now, dropping to her feet beside us as she reaches over to collect her gear and start pulling it all back on with a rather nervous look now.  “Oh, that … yeah, I can see how that sounds … bad.  What ‘s happening, then?”

“Well, we’re going back into the infirmary to have a word with her, see if we can find out what’s going on.  The last thing we need right now is any more surprises.  I figured you’d want to know about it.”  She sighs.  “I’m sorry, I know you’re pretty focused on getting Gael back right now, and believe me, I sympathise, but –”

“No, you’re right.”  I push myself up onto my feet, my legs surprisingly steady and my back not complaining like I might’ve expected – looks like that little bit of rest helped after all, despite the bad dreams.  For a moment I consider the rest o’ my gear, but in the end I leave it where it is in the bundle on the floor, instead just stooping for my swordbelt on its own.  “This is important, clearly.  Let’s get on it.  I wanna see how Kesla is, anyway.”

Smiling again, Shay, gives my mane a quick little ruffle, and I don’t shake her off.  Honestly, right now I don’t really mind any.  I start to strap my belt on while Darwyn cuts round to the chair where Zuldrad’s been camped out since we all settled in, and the way he’s just curled up in it now I reckon he’s succumbed to his own tiredness right now.  Even so, when she gives him a poke he sits up quick, blinking wide.

“What?  What is it … huh?”  He casts about for a moment, still blinking, until he registers the rest of us and starts to relax again.  “Oh.  Hey … what’s going on?”

“Something … I dunno.”  I shrug as I step over, picking up his own bundled tangle of harnesses and weapons and handing ‘em over.  “We’re heading over to the infirmary.  You good?”

Frowning, he shuffles off the chair and pushes himself upright, accepting my offering now.  “I’m … fine, I reckon.  After earlier, I … reckon I needed that.”  He dips into one of his pockets for a moment, and retrieves his smoked-glass lenses, snapping them open to slip on in preparation for the journey.  “Let’s go.”

Giving his shoulder a light slap, I turn to Shay and nod, and she returns it before stepping away, heading for the door now.  Yes hangs back for a moment, giving me a complicated look, and I stare back at her for a moment as I cinch the buckle in before letting my sword hang comfortably on my hip.  “What?”

She takes a couple beats answering, but I got the feeling she wants to say something all the same.  Finally she just shrugs, turning away too with a noncommittal grunt of:  “Later.  Maybe.”

I hold my tongue, not expecting to get any further now with a protestation than I ever have in the past, and just start after the pair of ‘em, trusting the others to follow.  Darwyn’s already caught up with me before we get into the hallway, and she seems to be in a better mood now, all things considered.  Certainly she don’t seem to still be irritated with me over that harmless crack, but then she knows me well enough.

In truth she’s been a good deal better all round with me since we got all that shit straightened out early in the morning, before we headed out.  She was proper relieved to see me in one piece after the blast, and genuinely nice to me when we got back here.  Sure, when we settled down she made it clear me trying anything would not be tolerated, but in truth it didn’t feel all that serious, like she was mostly going through the motions of her frustration now.  I reckon, after me meeting Vanna and all that air getting cleared between us, maybe she’s finally come round to me again.

I dunno exactly how I feel about that, now I think about it.  I ain’t pissed at her anymore, even after I made it clear she should’ve told me.  Maybe we’re on genuinely good terms again, maybe she might even be open to something like what we once had again, or maybe something new … but I dunno if I am anymore.  Something’s … I can’t really figure it, but it’s like something’s really changed.  It’s strange …

Even so, when I turn to her and give her a commiserating smile, she cocks a brow and at least quirks the corner of her own mouth up a little in return.  It’s something I wouldn’t have expected even a day ago …

When we make it into the main chapel, Zul now wearing his lenses again in deference to all the candles, we find Driver 8 still hunkered down in front of the altar, while three of the Temple’s resident wizards fuss about him.  He’s getting a proper royal treatment, clearly, but then he needs it after what happened to him out there.

The pervading theory, once we’d been able to actually think about what had just happened to us again after the warehouse got turned into so much blackened kindling and ash, was that while that trap was meant for all of us, Tavarrat had one target in particular in mind.  Even with an armoured ogre, clearly a leftover from the Northern Campaign back before the Occupation, there was ­no chance Jammund’s people could realistically get rid of our golem, so they had to come up with a workaround.  Looks like they picked a doozy.

Looking Big Man over as we approach around the side of the chamber, they came impressively close to pulling it off, too.  He’s definitely a mess, at least compared to his usual dusty, blood-splattered self after a normal fight, but then when we first found him he actually seemed genuinely out of it, there were a few minutes there where we thought he might actually have been genuinely destroyed.  I mean, granted he was still in one piece when we found him at the edge of the crater blasted into the centre of the wreckage that was once the Hardway warehouse, but he wasn’t moving, not even when Krakka started trying to resuscitate him.

To be honest I don’t think his god magic really did much to help the situation, and there was no lifting him from where he lay, on his side and smoking from where his whole shell looked like it’d been sandblasted and scalded, still glowing hot in a few places.  Even the glow in his eyes was out, they were just dull red glass, but at least they were intact, and after a whole lot of praying and urging from our increasingly flustered cleric, the fire finally rekindled itself.  Even so, it was several minutes before he even started moving again, and longer before he could gather himself enough to talk.  Like he’d genuinely been knocked right out.  That scared the hell out of all of us.

We couldn’t risk Lady Naru getting wiped out again trying to port him back and leaving the rest of us stranded, so instead Yeslee elected to camp out on the edge of the wreck and watch for anyone coming to check out what was going on.  Meanwhile me and Zul did the best we could to clear a big enough patch of ground of ash and detritus so the sorcerer could draw out a teleportation circle so we could all go at once.  She even has the foresight to plan it out so that it would destroy itself once we used it, a trick Darwyn immediately recognised cuz apparently Gael used it after they caught Vik.

Even so, we came damn close to getting caught, by the time the circle was ready to go Yes was creeping back fast through the chaos to warn us that there were townsguard moving in to investigate the damage.  They were being pretty cautious given the smoking, hellish mess, but clearly that wouldn’t last, so we needed to move now.  So we helped Driver 8 crawl onto the circle the best he could and then Lady Naru activated it and we were back.

He's been here since, with half a dozen Temple staff taking care to fix the damage that’s been done to him the best they can.  I’m sure part of it’s just their sense of duty, theirs is a temple dedicated as much to aiding their fellow man as the pursuit and appreciation of knowledge, so to them he’s just another unfortunate in need of healing.  But these wizards are also, undoubtedly, pretty enthusiastic about just having the chance to actually get to handle and maybe even mend a real honest to gods golem, which is very much in keeping with the sheer wonder he’s engendered the whole time he’s been here.

Clearly they’ve already done some impressive work fixing him up, I can see whole sections of his previously pitted, gouged and badly scored armour that’s looking pretty pristine again, but there’s still a lot of work to do.  As it is a small pile of half-melted pieces of twisted metal shrapnel that’s been pulled free from his shell has grown at the base of the statue of Minerva, like some strange offering, and there’s still plenty more stuck in him now.  Whole plates on his right arm and much of his chest are still pretty wrecked, and the three who are still working at it look to be tiring now.  The rest are stretched out on the front pews, looking thoroughly exhausted, although they still make an effort to sit up as we arrive.

“Hey, Big Man.  Y’all right?”

The golem shifts slightly at that, giving me at least the impression he’s now looking my way, and when he starts speaking he sounds the same as always, albeit more impressive now given the acoustics of the great vaulted room.  “I am well enough, Art.  The good folk of the Temple have been very kind, helping to bring me back to my optimum operational parameters.  I am most grateful to them.”

“It’s our pleasure, sir.”  One of the busy wizards pants, lowering her hands from one of his chest plates and giving ‘em a good wring.  She looks unsteady on her feet, while her eyes are heavily lidded, and I can see how bad her hands are shaking as she tries to loosen up her stiffening knuckles.  The other two don’t look much better off.

“Minerva … have you lot been at it all this time?”  I turn to Shay.  “What time even is it now?”

Frowning, Shay thinks about it for a moment.  “I think it must be close to midnight by now.  They were doing this before when we came to find you.  As far as I know they’ve been doing this non-stop.”

“They have indeed.”  the golem rumbles, matter-of-fact as always.

“For Minerva’s sake, take a break, you lot.  Get some sleep or at least rest for a bit.”  Shay lets out a heavy sigh, setting her hands on her hips now as she looks down, shaking her head.  “I don’t know … what do you think Big Man?”

“I am functional enough for now, Shay.  I will keep, as Kesla would say.”  I think he must consider for a moment, because he then asks:  “Are we needed again?”

That makes her frown.  “Oh … I don’t know, Big Man.  Can you make it into the Infirmary?  I’m not sure the doorways are really built with you in mind.”

“I am sure you can fill me in on anything that I need to know afterwards.  For now I am content to wait.”

Turning to regard Yeslee for a moment, Shay sighs again while shuffling her feet.  “Okay, I guess you’ve earned the right to rest for a little longer if you feel you need to.”  Now she turns and starts eyeing all the other wizards closely, particularly the three who are now making their very weary, slightly unsteady way to join the others on the pews.  “As long as the rest of you follow his example, at least until you feel you can help again without burning yourselves out.”

“Yes, Mistress.”  that same wizard sighs after planting herself, wiping the back of her sleeve across a very sweaty brow as she blinks her bleary eyes.

“We’ll let you know as soon as we can.”  she tells Big Man as she turns back  “Hopefully it’s nothing that can’t keep, anyway.”

“Of course, Shay.”  He don’t nod, but I suspect he would if he could.

Frowning again, Shay looks around at the rest of us, and I suspect she still don’t actually want to leave him outta this.  But then Yeslee just starts walking on her own, and that decides it for her as she scrambles to follow.  “Okay, well … just, I don’t know.  See you when we’re done.”

I let the others go ahead, instead just looking up at the golem, and I reckon he’s doing the same back now.  I’ll admit I’m glad he’s all right, it genuinely surprised me how hard seeing him laid out like that actually hit me.  I’d come to think of him as genuinely unstoppable, it was a sobering moment.  I realise now it’s a sign of just how fond of this massive metal man I’ve become.

So I offer up a fond, is somewhat tired smile, and he dips his shoulders ever so slightly in a very clear responding nod.  That makes me smile a little wider, and I return my own nod before heading off to catch up with the others.

When I reach Darwyn, I find her stood just outside the now open main door to the emergency ward, while the others are nowhere to be seen, but I can hear voices inside the room now, a whole cluttered selection of ‘em in fact.  It’s not unlike the last few times we been back here, when there’s been chaos after a fight and everybody’s been rushing round at once.  To be honest I’m really starting to dislike this place on principle through its associations.

Then I see Dar ain’t waiting on me after all, she’s looking down at the floor, and the way she’s so stiff and tense immediately puts me on alert.  She looks proper shook, I realise, then I realise why – there’s a sizeable splash of blood on the floor at her feet.  I realise now that it ain’t the first one I seen, either, it’s just that up until we got into this part o’ the Temple the relatively dark carpet made it hard to spot.  And then there’s the attendant I just passed, diligently mopping the floor, and I realise now he was clearly making his way up to this patch.  But this is too fresh to miss, even on the dark tiles here, still wet and slick enough to reflect the lamplight.

“What the fuck happened?”  I ask her as I step up.

Darwyn don’t respond, and for a moment I think she’s genuinely frozen, just rooted to the spot, but then the finally looks up and points through the door.  “In there.”

Oh … yeah, that can’t be good.  I look at her for a long beat but she just stares right back, and while she ain’t scared witless like I thought, she’s definitely shook.  Not really knowing what to say to perk her up right now, instead I just turn and head through the door after the others, taking great care to skirt the blood while I’m going.

It’s another stark, minimalistic chamber, white walls and lots o’ light with another smooth, dark tiled floor, but a little different from some of the others.  There are racks and cupboards lining two of the walls, each shelf arranged with arrays of tools and instruments in gleaming, pristine steel or phials, bottles, flasks and pots of medicines and oils and whatever else they need to treat wounds and whatever.  The other walls are lines with beds, almost a dozen of ‘em altogether, although the vast majority are empty right now.  After all, the majority of the intensive care from this morning and before should have been taken care of by now.

The clamour’s settled down some, but the room’s still in something like professional chaos all the same.  The others are pulling back from one of the beds in the middle of the room, where three of the clerics are currently working away, while I find Krakka’s stood close by, not actually helping right now but still with his head bowed, hands knotted together.  Muttering under his breath like always as he offers up prayers to his own goddess.

Tulen’s there, sat on the bed, which surprises me, I thought her own wounds would’ve been healed a while ago.  Except it’s not her that the clerics are working on right now, she’s simply there for comfort, her arms wrapped around Sessa as she moans and cries and winces, wide eyes wet with tears as they work on her arm.  Oh gods … as I walk in I finally get a look at what’s happened to her, and then I can’t stop moving towards her now, deeply struck by what I’m seeing.

Fuck … it’s been a little while since I saw wounds like that, we ain’t been up against something that mauls folk since back in the Reaches.  Her right hand is just … gone, there’s nothing at all below her wrist, and she’s entirely missing her sleeve from close to her shoulder, while much of the flesh of her arm has been badly ripped and stripped, very little skin left untorn.  Many of the marks gouge deep into her flesh, some right to the bone, and while the healers are working hard to fix the damage, so far they don’t seem to be having much luck.

That’s not all, either.  There’s a big tear in her robes as well, on her right side, where the worst of the attack must’ve been, although from what I can see the flesh seems to be mending there now.  Likely the clerics focused on that first, since that definitely would’ve been the most life-threatening wound.  Certainly they’ve clearly managed to stop the worst of bleeding from her arm, but they’re still a long way from done with the rest of it.

There are two deep gashes in her cheek too, the higher one barely missing her eye, and these are still bleeding a lot.  Gods … what the hell happened to her?

When I finally stop and look round at the others, they’re all as spooked as Darwyn, and I realise just how shook I am too.  Even Yeslee’s hanging back, her eyes wider than they usually get, which is always a bad sign, and there’s a slight screwed up creasing to her nose that shows she’s catching a particularly bad smell … gods, that’s it, that’s what’s hitting me so hard.  There’s something in the air, something really wrong, that smells like death.  It’s coming from Sessa, which don’t make any real sense, she’s still with us, clearly …

No, it’s coming from her clothes, and her wounds.  Oh … okay, that can’t be good.

After a moment Tulen kisses her lover on the unwounded cheek and gives her a gentle crush, leaning her forehead against Sessa’s crown, and I can see now that she’s openly weeping too.  That ain’t any kinda surprise, it hurts her to see the person who means the most to her torn up like this.  I can easily imagine what that must feel like.  She’s going through as much hell as Sessa right now, but her scars won’t be visible after.

“All right, all right … I’m done, here it comes.”  Lady Naru’s hustling over from the corner of the room now, and she’s holding a jug in one hand and a cup in the other.  She looks pretty chill right now, all things considered, but now I’m looking reckon I can see a subtle edge to her all the same, like this is wearing on her too.

Tulen reaches out a hand before she’s even close, and as soon as the cup’s within reach she just snatches it out of the sorcerer’s hand, but I can’t blame her for forgetting her manners right now.  She shifts herself a little on the bed now and pulls Sessa a little tighter as she raises the cup.  “Here, this’ll help.  Drink it.”

Sessa just looks down at the cup, her eyes wide and wild, and the way they’re rolling right now I’m not sure she’s really seeing anything.  She just whimpers, her one remaining hand clawing without any real focus, just snatching up a fistful of Tulen’s robes.

“Oh … come on, Sessa.  Baby, please … Sessa!  Come on!  Please, just … please!  Just drink it, please!”  She holds the cup in front of her face now, bringing it close to her mouth, and Sessa blinks several times, her brow knitting while she clenches her teeth, and after a moment she finally seems to focus enough to see it.  Finally she manages to pull her fingers free and raise her hand, reaching for the cup now.

Even so, it’s shaking badly, so when she finally gets hold of it Tulen maintains her own grip on it too, helping her guide it to her lover’s lips, then tipping it to help her gulp it down.  For a moment Sessa balks, her eyes screwing up narrow as her face tightens, it’s clearly some bitter tasting shit, but Tulen won’t relent, insisting now as she makes Sessa finish the whole cupful.  Only then does she hold it out for Lady Naru to collect again.

For a few moments Sessa gags, looking like she’s fit to vomit, then the urge must pass cuz she just gasps, panting some as she lets her head fall back, whimpering again … then she opens her mouth again and lets one hell of a burp out.  Any other time it’d be one hilarious bastard, but right now …

But it seems to work, I realise – her shaking slowly starts to ease off, and she stops flinching, her muscles seeming to relax.  Finally she lets a little sigh go and her head lolls a little, turning now so she can rest her face against Tulen’s and she just sits for a long moment, breathing in and out now, slower and deeper than before too.  More controlled, and seemingly more comfortable.  Looks like the pain’s easing right off, then.  I could do with some o’ that shit myself right now, ‘least for my nerves.

The healers renew their efforts with greater focus now as she relaxes, and finally, I reckon, I can actually see the wounds looking … well, they’re still bad, but maybe they’re starting to heal up again.  Looks like it’s still slow, nasty work, though.

Finally Shay steps forward again, and the others seem to be relaxing a little too, or at least their tension’s starting to ease a little.  I’m feeling a little better myself too, although I’m still a long way from great – she still looks too bad to put me at ease.  “Sessa?  Hey, Sessa … sweetheart, are you with us now?”

A frown starts to touch her forehead again, but it’s more confusion now than actual discomfort.  She blinks a little as she looks up, but it don’t take her so long to focus this time as she looks at Shay.  “Oh … oh, Mistress Swift-Kill.  I’m … I’m sorry … that was …”  Her frown deepens a little more, and she winces again, but it seems more detached this time, nowhere near as focused.  So she’s still feeling some pain, then, it’s just fuzzy and indistinct.  Guess that stuff just took enough edge off for her to come back to herself.

“Sessa, it’s okay.”  Shay drops onto her haunches now as she steps closer, reaching up to take hold of the half-orc’s remaining hand in a gentle grip as she glances up into her big, distressingly red eyes.  “You’ve been hurt, very badly.  I can understand you’re a little … scattered.  But we need to know what happened.  Where you’ve been.  And where Madame Daste is.”

“Oh, I don’t … I’m …”  She licks her lips now, wincing again as she looks down, trying to move now but Tulenj just wraps her arms a little tighter and keeps her in place, gently shushing her.  “No … no, I do … oh …”  She frowns deeper for a moment when she looks up, casting about now, and I think this might be the first time she even sees the rest of us gathered round her.  “Yes, Madame Daste … oh … oh no …”

“What?”  Shay straightens up a little, becoming more alert as she takes Sessa’s hand in her other one too.  “Please, Sessa, we need to know, what –”

“Dead …”  The word comes out in a bare whisper, nothing more than a breath really, and she looks so haunted all of a sudden.  “She’s dead … she’s dead.  They’re all dead.  Madame Daste is dead, Halik is dead, everyone who was with us … oh … there were so many, all dead now.  Oh … oh, Minerva … help me …”  Her face starts to crease up, and the tears are coming again as she whimpers.

“Shit …”  I’m the first to speak after a long, heavy moment where no-one seems to know what to say, and at least half of ‘em jump when it’s out.  I reach up now, brushing my paws up and back over my scruffy mane, not sure what to do as I start to turn towards the door again.  In time to see Darwyn stood a little way inside now, looking shocked as the rest of us.  And she ain’t alone now.  Kesla’s behind her, not so much stood in the doorway as leaning against it, like it’s the only thing keeping her upright.

You’d think she’d be as haunted as the rest of us right now, given what we just heard, but she just looks pissed.  Angry and not even remotely scared …

TO BE CONTINUED ...