#i am *begging* you to read a green arrow comic.

[necrotic-nephilim]

6,23

for the choose violence ask game!

6. which ship fans are the most annoying?

oooh, this is hard. generally any sort of "fans of this thing are annoying" for me comes with the caveat that i don't think it's *all* fans and i don't even think it's most fans, but rather a loud minority that has shaped the ship as a whole. for some reason JayRoy tends to come to mind the most, because i've been slowly dipping my toes into the Arrowfamily and i cannot *stand* any JayRoy opinions on Oliver's parenting. i think JayRoy can be blamed for a *lot* of the misunderstandings some fans have about Oliver and Roy's relationship, as well as the existence of the Arrowfam in the first place beyond just Oliver, Roy, Dinah, and inexplicably Artemis Crock, bc Young Justice (tv) will never stop leaving its mark.

any time someone gets shipped with a Batfam member, their entire fandom presence surrounds the Batfamily and headcanons are all about Bruce adopting them too and them just being another face in Wayne Manor. and for whatever reason, Roy is one of the worst victims of this. so much JayRoy content doesn't even care to acknowledge Roy's bonds with the Arrowfam, his *daughter*, his complex relationship with Chesire, his relationship with the Titans and the Outsiders, and so forth. he's just Jason's rescue boyfriend. if i have to see one more JayRoy fan act like Bruce needs to save Roy from Oliver and they badly cite Snowbirds Don't Fly, i might lose it.

i think this could also extend to TimKon as well, with a *lot* of TimKon fans not understanding Kon's relationship to the Superfamily and *grossly* demonizing Clark for the sake of Kon being Tim's rescue boyfriend. like the misunderstandings fanon has about Clark and Kon will never not infuriate me, and i *do* think TimKon carries a brunt of that blame bc it falls into the "Kon is another orphan that Bruce takes in" vibes.

23. ship you've unwillingly come around to

JayRose i think is a recent one! i used to dislike JayRose bc it felt underdeveloped and like slapping two characters with daddy issues together, but i've lately been more and more enticed by it bc of a beloved anon who has so many delightful JayTimRose thoughts. ironically i could also say JayRoyTim, bc initially it was not my speed but once again, some anons have begrudgingly convinced me, which is impressive bc i never thought i would come around to a ship involving JayRoy for all of the above reasons. i've also been coming around to BatJokes as of recent. i never hated BatJokes but it was certainly never For Me. lately though, that faith has been questioned and i've been interested in it.

the one i've been very unwilling to but have somehow gotten dragged into is JayTalia. i was always turned off by how that was handled in Lost Days and hated the pairing. but... i've been enticed by the dead dove potential of it. i'm being converted. to be fair i still think it was mishandled in Lost Days but... i'm sort of coming around to enjoying it for what it is. idk how i ended up here but i will take any excuse to whump Jason.

[fantastic-nonsense]

most of the discourse surrounding the question "are the Robins child soldiers?" could be solved if people simply read other comics. like, do y'all have this energy for Flash and Green Arrow and the Marvels and the Teen Titans? Do you call Donna Troy and Jaime Reyes child soldiers too? I am begging people to simply accept genre conventions and set yourselves free from this nonsense take

[augustheart]

i wanna know ur opinion on like all of these but i'll show restraint and just send 3, 6, 15, and then a more positive/tell us about something good with 18!

3. screenshot or description of the worst take you've seen on tumblr

i've seen a lot of g-dawful ones but this is one boost subjected me to a screenshot of last night.

these characters are all the same age one just has adhd & autism. guess which. Lmao

6. which ship fans are the most annoying?

honestly i think because i avoid certain popular corners of dc comics fandom to this day it is the c0ldflash people from dctv flash. literally an unending nightmare.

15. that one thing you see in fanart all the time

tbh so the biggest problem really is just Whitewashing which isn't like a fun answer it just sucks. but for slightly more petty grievances i hate "ohhh it's all of the flash family" art that excludes ace lol

18. it's absolutely criminal that the fandom has been sleeping on...

read anything that isn't a batbook i am fucking begging you. read firestorm read jla's vibe read the shade read hourman read secret six read doom patrol. read fucking. astro city or something. read a popular book without batman in it like the flash or green arrow. Or Read An Indie Comic For The Love Of G-d.

[brbremaking]

When all my Ollie posts flop but I’m still getting notes on a bruce thing I made like 3 months ago

[batmanego]

mcu has done IRREPERABLE damage to the public view of superheroes and im not even kidding. so many people (especially in leftist spaces!) when they think superhero think "soulless profit-driven husk of vaguely liberal ideologies". i am begging and pleading and screaming and throwing up and jumping onto spikes please read a green arrow comic or doom patrol or anything please i promise you superheroes have merit and worth i promise you the mcu is lying to you and superheroes have so much more potential than disney allows them to experience PLEASE *foam dripping from lips*

[rcyharper]

Well they did keep a lot of side stuff like the addiction, the look, and various team break ups and reformations. The connection with Waylon came from the book and was the reason the character was in HIC. At the same time there is a lot of revisionist history with RHATO. Lian was killed way before and DC made the choice to reboot so the comic had no control over her not being in Roys life. People say it erased his heritage but no he is Navajo and references it.

we're still defending rhato i see.... okay. let me dissect this ig since we're insisting on being wrong

keep a lot of side stuff like the addiction

the addiction was not kept. rhato retconned roy's addiction into alcoholism. rebirth retconned it back into a heroin addiction. every book roy appeared in in rebirth referenced it as such (titans, green arrow, even hic.) the only time it was still referenced as alcoholism was in roy’s one guest appearance in rhato, because what? scott lobdell does not give a fuck about roy and his stories outside of jason, and he never has. evidently, since everything you’ve said is completely wrong, neither do you.

the look

the look? you’re telling me rhato matters because he went on to still wear a trucker cap during rebirth? a cap that the designer for titans rebirth wanted to replace with a hood, but was forced to keep it by dan didio? really?

various team break ups and reformations

literally no one has mentioned or referenced the outlaws outside of lobdell in any meaningful way. there is absolutely zero impact

The connection with Waylon came from the book and was the reason the character was in HIC

another thing that rebirth retconned and lobdell chose to ignore! killer croc was shoved in as roy’s addiction sponsor as a replacement to dinah helping him. rebirth completely changed roy’s addiction story to make it something more akin to pre-52. killer croc was not involved in his recovery at all. but old lobdell chose to ignore that and go with what happened in his n52 book instead. croc was also absolutely not the reason roy was in hic lmfao, but i suppose you would think that if you only that one rhato annual and ignored roy’s appearances prior in titans and green arrow.

Lian was killed way before and DC made the choice to reboot so the comic had no control over her not being in Roys life

it was a reboot. it absolutely did have complete control to do whatever it wished. lian being killed off was a choice made by editorial because they didn’t want roy to seem so old. scott lobdell was notorious for being an editorial lapdog that would do whatever they wanted and churn books out. they weren’t “forced” to leave lian out of roy’s life — it was a deliberate choice. just like how they weren’t forced to completely turn roy’s life and history around in every possible way so he could revolve around jason.

People say it erased his heritage but no he is Navajo and references it.

......he had one line where he says one word in navajo. anyone can say a word in any language. that doesn’t change the fact that it was completely erased. brave bow was completely non-existent in rhato. roy didn’t even grow on the reservation — he grew up with his birth father, who was retconned into an abusive alcoholic. 

i am begging you to either read something not written by scott lobdell or to just not sprout out false or misconstrued information with so much confidence like you’re speaking the absolute truth.

[flashfuture]

I’d like the fandom to actually know things about Ollie before writing about him.

The amount of fics I read where Bruce’s canon abuse is waved away while Ollie is turned into an irredeemable monster is silly.

The biggest glaring issue that arose between Ollie and Roy was obviously Roy’s heroin addiction. Ollie hit Roy and told him to leave.

To point out this was the only single time Ollie had ever hit Roy and he apologized profusely for it.

Roy did not live with Ollie so it wasn’t like Ollie was making him homeless.

Roy and Ollie are absolutely fine in the comics. Chuck Dixon’s era would have you believe differently. However Chuck Dixon was an alt right dude who wanted to kill Ollie and hated him for being a Liberal. He wrote Ollie ooc because he was planning on killing him.

Roy calls Ollie his dad. Ollie calls Roy his son. There is no if ands or buts about it. Lian calls Ollie her Grandpa Ollie.

When Ollie died Roy was crushed. He lost his dad. And when Ollie came back he and Roy slid right back into being father and son.

There was also never jealously over Connor or Mia. Roy accepted them as his little siblings pretty quickly.

Okay they love each other. You know what Ollie did after he realized he fucked up with Roy? He learned all he could about addiction. He kept an eye on Roy and always offered his help. When Roy asked for space Ollie gave it to him.

By the 90s they were completely over their fall out because Ollie worked for Roy’s forgiveness and then Roy agreed to reconciliation. This isn’t something that shouldn’t be rehashed unless you’re going to do it accurately.

In the realm of JayRoy people go off the RHATO version of Roy and Ollie. Which firstly they weren’t father and son so it shouldn’t be compared to Jay and Bruce. Which was straight up horrible in RHATO. People really want any excuse to hate Ollie.

Next up Ollie and his sexual history. Mentions of sexual assault and victim blaming.

So Ollie was a playboy back in the day pre boat basically.

Originally Ollie knew nothing about Connor and again Dixon had him throw Conn over to he could go blow Ollie up in a plane.

A later book said Ollie knew the whole time and abandoned Connor as a baby but tracked him down as a boy and then didn’t do anything cause he got Roy? Not in character for Ollie at all.

But that did happen so play with that if you will just remember Connor forgave him for it.

Ollie and Shado. Okay Shado shot Ollie, drugged him, and r*ped him. This is how her son Robert was conceived.

Dinah briefly blamed Ollie for this before she learned he’d been unconscious for it. But she wasn’t ever mad at Shado for some reason?

[Note I’m not sure if this is canon since rebirth cause of the whole Emiko thing. Wouldn’t be out of the question to still be canon it just hasn’t been mentioned far as I know]

Look I’ve been meaning to make a post about male sexual assault being handled horribly and this is one of the first examples.

Next a teenager who kissed Ollie randomly and he pushed her back and told her no. Dinah also blamed Ollie for this because well really the writer just clearly wanted to break up Ollie and Dinah.

And the infamous cheating scandal with Black Lightning’s niece. Joanna and Ollie slept together and she got to close to Ollie and she was killed.

It is so bizarre to anyone who read Green Arrow vol 3 that is called cheating even by DC because Dinah and Ollie were. not. dating.

They just weren’t. You could explore this I suppose from a ‘we were on a break’ angle but just know Ollie and Dinah weren’t a couple at the time. Ollie had come back from the dead and wasn’t sure where he and Dinah stood.

And it should be noted that these assaults are used as ammo against Ollie. Babs when trying to talk Dinah out of marrying her brought up the above three examples as Ollie cheating.

So Babs pried into Ollie’s personal life. Learned about Shado and what she did and decided yep Ollie cheated who cares if he wasn’t even conscious. She looked at the teenager who randomly kissed Ollie and said yep non-consensual kissing is cheating. And she used Joanna Pierce’s death as ammo against Ollie.

I know the bat fandom is a lost cause because it’s all warped by fanon. And basically Bruce hates Ollie so this is how it translates. But I am begging you to even read the wiki summary on Ollie because it is so fucking infuriating to read about people writing him who are just using him to fill the role of bad dad because they refuse to realize Bruce has been a bad dad since the 80s at least and he hasn’t gotten any better.

[hellyeahheroes]

If you floow me on twitter or are part of our discord server, you probably know that I have announced that for the time being I’m giving up on Marvel and DC, at least when it comes to new releases and announcments. I will make an exception for Runaways (unless that turns into a glorified X-Book as I fear) and catch up to some older books.

As I have said before, for quite some time I am feeling less and less joy and excitement about new Marvel and DC announcments. Especially as DC keeps shrinking and becoming increasingly “Batman Comics Comics”, where even fuckign Scooby-Doo must now be only about Batman, a character I do not like. All while the only thing keeping me in Bat-sphere, the batfamily, gets increasingly more undermined. there are maybe 5-6 Batfam members who consistently get spotlight. 4 if you don’t count Catwoman and Harley Quinn as Batfam members, then it is only Dick, Jason, Babs and Damian. Yes, Damian getting the very arc Cass Cain fans were BEGGING for DC to give her for the last 15 years is what prompted my decision. But really, it is a straw that broke the cammel’s back. Or, as we say in my country, a drop that filled the goblet of bitterness. 

For over a decade I have now watched various character in the Batfam that I like - Cass but also Steph, Duke, Harper, We Are Robin and Gotham Academy kids, etc. - get passed on and ignored or relegated to jobbers and pointless, useless cameoes in crowd scenes, in favor of the same four. And their fans would always say this isn’t the right time and ask me to be a good consumer and buy these books because if they succeed then for sure others will get their moment to shine too. But that moment never came. I’ve been told that during One Year Later, after Battle of the Cowl, during New 52, during DC You, during DC Rebirth, during New Justice and now. If I lach onto a new character they quickly become a victim of the same treatment, as was with Duke, with Harper or with Maya. And if my faves get something it is either immediatelly undermined by other books (See how all work Bryan Hill put into showing Cass as skilled fighter been undermined by King, Thomasi and Williamson who saw her only as a worthless jobber to prop their lame villains) or ignored (see Duke who vanished after that book ended) or isn’t about them at all (see League of Shadows, billed as Cass story but was really about Ras Al’Ghul). 

Currently Batbooks grow even larger but nothing changes, the promised spotlight for anyone else didn’t come. tom Taylor made a huge deal of being a Cass fan and instead he is writing Nightwing and another Batman book. Joshua Williamsone is now handing on a silver platter everything Cass fans asked for to Damian and Future State Batgirls series in anthology got replaced by a Grifter story - because DC thinks a guy so removed from Batfam he is literally from another universe is bigger part of the Batfamily than Cass and Steph. Fucking Joker got a book instead, we need that edgelord incel money I guess. And with rest of DCU shrinking to the point even Aquaman and Green Arrow (two titles I liked for various supporting cast members like Emiko Queen or Jackson Hyde, btw) got axed to make more room for Batman, there is just less things to be excited about outside a line that made it clear fans, who don’t like marketing department-approved characters and only them, are not welcome.

And at Marvel I could repeat above paragraphs with X-Men. More and more X-books that tie-in to an arc I tremendously dislike and been vocal critic of, less and less anything else. Even writers I like and had high hopes of end up doing same X-book as everyone else and it is an X-book in which characters I like are at best given pointless cameo and at worst killed and replaced by someone else in their body to show how dangerous the villain is. Or banished to another dimension. Or shown to be stupid and “manipulated by evil” for pointing problematic things about current books. And that on top of the same spiell of being told to shup up and let X-fandom enjoy their books about same five people and that sure everyone I like, like NXM kids, will get their moment to shine soon....and said moment never comes. Been told that during Manifest Destiny, during Nation X, during Curse of Mutants, during Schism, after AvX, after Secret Wars, after Inhumans vs X-Men, I’m being told that now. Instead X-books scrap bottom of the barrel to only give titles to characters from 80′s and 90′s to the point we have fucking Scalphunter book now.

All the while X-Fandom has shown itself to be extremly toxic and entitled, something I have seen when they wished for Nico and Chase to die in Avengers Arena because they felt X-men deserve to take Molly away from Runaways. And when they cheered the death of Juston for having a good Sentinel. Or when they acted toxic to Inhumans fandom while claiming oppression because they had “only” four books a month. Once again I feel like everything I like about Marvel gets pushed out in favor of its most toxic part, a part that made it very clear I and people who like same characters like me, are not welcome in it. Out of few books who stand out Ms. Marvel and immortal Hulk are ending. Champions, while good, is not the type of story I can stomach in current political climate. Runaways I fear they’ll be swallowed or at least undermined by X-Men too. Similiarly I am anxious about Miles, with Donny Cates lurking around looking like he wants to undermine everything Saladin Ahmed built for the sake of 00′s nostalgia.

Reading news and seeing new books doesn’t give me happiness anymore, just more frustration and sadness. I came to beleive it is not good for my mental health. So for time being I’m going to retreat to regain my strength. If other people running this blog, like @keeper-of-the-lore or @ubernegro or @majingojira want to talk about current books or news here, go ahead, I will just stay away for the time being from these conversations and stick to reading and talking about older stuff I wanted to check out but never had a time to do it properly. And if a book I wanted does appear while I’m taking this time off, well, I’d rather be late to the party that constantly passed on the invtations and waiting like a moron to get one.

-Admin

[peppersandcats]

Flash stuff, comics and TV

So, I am finally up-to-date on The Flash in both comics and TV format, and I have some thoughts. The comics ones are mostly in the “oh come on are we expected to buy this, clearly you are aiming for that” vein, and the TV show ones are very mild and possible super-obvious, but since both deal with what both what is happening and what I think is going to happen, both might be spoilers so I’m putting them under a cut.

To be clear: please do not tell me anything about these assumptions that does not come from existing text. So for example:

“but in issue 76 we saw X” or “in episode 6 of this season Y happened, so we might get Z fallout” is totally fine. Yay analysis! Would love to hear from you!

“in the comics X happens, so that might mean Y for the TV show” is also cool.

“the comics writer said he’s aiming for X” or “a casting decision has been made so we know Y is still showing up/is not on the show anymore after this point” is really not fine please do not tell me that. I do not want to hear it. Thank you.

Also: discusses possible upcoming character death. I know some people would rather not see that, so mentioning it now.

With that in mind, here are my “I am okay with being wrong about this, but I bet this’ll happen” thoughts:

Comics

Oh, comics. Len has apparently turned into a vicious blowhard, Lisa is picking a fight with him, evil King Cold rules over Central, all is lost, no-one is paying me enough to pick up extra titles from DC to find out what all space and time being broken means, dour, dour, grim.

With that in mind, I have a possibly-more-cheerful read on current Snart events than the one initially presented. I’m going to keep in mind Len’s mention of the Rogues going with Lisa’s plan (issue 78 “Without my sister, the whole plan is on hold.”; issue 79 “This isn’t Lex’s plan. It’s not even my plan. It’s your plan.”), and assume that that was true.

This means that I think (hope) that what they’re going for is a long con. That the Snarts are running with a plan where Len plays bad guy to Central City, Lisa tries to convince Barry to use mega-uncontrollable Speed Force power against Luthor by pitching it as "save my brother he's gone bad", and the end goal is that the world-breaking nonsense and Luthor both get taken down while the Rogues get to keep all the shiny new tech in a world that isn’t weirdly broken by evil.

The big thing that kept throwing me about the narrative presented to Barry is why is Len keeping Barry alive?

Because, look. Right now everyone thinks the Flash is dead (seriously, those guards in the throne room were absolutely thinking “jeez, boss, we’ve heard how the Flash died in your arms three times already this week”), and yeah, that’s good to keep Central hopeless. And Len is coming across as mean as hell. But then why hasn’t he really killed Barry? He’s not angling for the “I will build my reputation with a grand execution!”, because then he wouldn’t be talking up how he’d already killed the Flash. He might be keeping Barry alive just to torment him, but then there’d be no benefit to lying about how he’d killed him. Dude’s stuck in Ice Heights, not even the Trickster* can make a dent in that, it’s not like someone is going to mount a successful rescue.

*Please insert usual where-the-hell-does-he-get-those-wonderful-toys rant here, I’m sure you’ve heard it from me by now.

And if Len was building part of his power on the “I will crush Central City’s spirit by letting them know I have taken down the Flash!” foundation, then Lisa’s “oh no, we can’t let people know you’re alive” seems a bit odd.

So if I take a step back, what I see isn’t “Lisa has a heart of gold and is begging for the Flash’s help.” It’s not even “Lisa is vamping Barry and feeding him a sob story about how her brother has gone bad.”

What I see is “the Snarts have a secret plan that involves no-one knowing that the Flash is still alive, so it doesn’t get back to Lex Luthor. Right now the genius supervillain has a massive blind spot about the existence of a terrifying Speed Force bomb, and Lisa is collecting pieces of Mirror Master’s tech. Those are totally the kind of things you could combine to break Luthor’s secret reality-busting stronghold, which would enable you to get rid of him but still keep your super-cool empowering tech.”

And if Len and Lisa are in cahoots on this, the bombast makes a lot more sense. “My sister has been in hiding ever since I took over Central City... and she reveals herself by stealing from me?" is a performance for the benefit of the two-high level mooks who were following Len and could probably hear him through the open doorway. Giant ice-wolves aren’t anything to do with Lisa being scared of dogs when she was a kid (which didn’t really come across in her reaction to them anyway), they’re just really cool and the speech is Len hamming it up for whoever in his citadel is spying for Luthor.

(I mean. It’s Luthor. You’re working with Lex Luthor, you gotta assume.)

So, yeah. I’m still hoping we’ve got the Snarts running a very sensible long con, which combines the best aspects of “we are crooks who want cool stuff” and “we’re not evil, evil is dumb.” Fingers crossed.

TV

Okay, minor stuff, but I think I’ve finally decoded the symbols on the Monitor’s door!

I was assuming, pretty much, that these referenced the Justice League. The Flash in particular has been throwing in asides to the Justice League since its inception (everyone’s seen the mural at CCPD headquarters, right?), the last crossover involved a building that has people who don’t watch the show assuring me that it’s meant to evoke the Hall of Justice, one of the trailers mentioned seven heroes, here we have seven symbols, etc.

Left to right, I think these represent

Black Lightning - it’s not a logo, but the shape evokes the lightning streaks on the torso of his costume. This one was one I kept getting stuck on - I kept thinking “Trident! ...but it makes no sense for them to bring in Aquaman.” Then I went to catch up on Black Lightning a little and it clicked.

Canary - I honestly was thinking White Canary because I really want to see LOT involved, but Sara doesn’t wear a face mask. Therefore, probably need to go with Black Canary (who is a founding member in at least one version of continuity, lord knows which one, I have trouble keeping track)

Flash - that is, to me, obviously his cowl. Little bit coming down in the middle, little chin covering pointing up, wing-y bits on the ears, we’re good.

Martian Manhunter - this one I’m the least sure of, but given the options available, I think it has to be him. He’s totally a Justice League guy, and the hex with straps pointing up and down to the sides, echoes his costume torso.

Supergirl - again, I was staring at this for a while, completely lost, but now it looks to me like a really stylized ‘S’. If it was narrower on the bottom than on the top, it would look a lot like the family logo.

Batwoman - this is both a scarier-looking mask than the second image, and can be read as a figure spreading their wings to either side. (Huh, I suppose it might be Hawkgirl? But I’m betting on Batwoman. If I’m wrong, that’s okay! I have been wrong before)

Arrow. I mean, really, just Arrow. It’s an arrow-head. Arrow.

And I mean, I don’t necessarily think everyone’s going to survive through this. Oliver Queen in particular I think is going to die. Whether that means Roy or Mia steps up to try and become the Arrow, or whether they leave a seat empty at the table to honour Ollie’s sacrifice, I don’t know. But: Arrow in the JLA of the CW.

But.

Arrow is TV, but in a lot of ways it’s still comics. You know how it happens when people die in comics.

I think we might get to see Ollie as the Spectre.

It fits with the well-meaning darkness and the grim drive. It fits with the judgement of "you have failed this city". It fits with the green hood. The recent “hey, vigilantes working with the police” feel like it gives Ollie a sort of cop-if-you-look-at-him-sideways aura that makes him line up better with Jim Corrigan and Crispus Allen--hell, even Hal Jordan functionally comes across as a space-cop. Even Corrigan’s death thematically echoes Ollie’s first (presumed) death by drowning on the Queen’s Gambit.

I would like that. I have long loved the Spectre, and I would not be where I am as a DC TV fan--hell, as a DC fan--if Arrow hadn’t clicked with me.

I would like it if Oliver Queen, that grumpy control-freak secret-keeping self-righteous ass, could still be there on some level. He means a lot to me.

[a-pretty-nerd]

The Comic: Chapter 3

Concept: The young Jester of your father's court has always been a constant sound in the background. But suddenly he is leaving the shadows and is tossing himself into your spotlight. What is this strange feeling??

A/N: Highkey, love writing this series. Love this idea which has been made into a novel before and I read it. It was...not good. So I decided to put my own spin on it and even thought litterally only 3 people care about this, I'm having fun. So *blows raspberry*. This is honestly apart of my mental self care because its something I enjoy and makes me happy and I encourage other writing blogs to do the same. If you have any requests, don't be afraid to ask and I love to hear feedback from you guys, it means a lot!✌❤

Warnings: NSFW, gore, violence, and smut???

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

The image of that girl kept you up for the rest of the night. The ball has come to a quick end once the devil's daughter was taken away. The acceptance of your strange gift from Lord Lincoln put a bitter taste in everyone's mouth. Including your own.

What were you thinking? Accepting something so, outrageous and possibly dangerous. Could you make him take it back? No, no you couldn't. And what did this mean for you arrangement? Did this mean you were obligated to marry Lincoln of the Grounder Empire? But there was peace between your people for now, it would make much more sense to marry Prince Bellamy and secure a relationship with the Arch Kingdom. But if you rejected Lincoln, would that mean the start of another war? And if you refused Bellamy would that ignite a war between your two kingdoms.

You tossed and turned all night, your head filled with a million different things. A million worries, troubles, thoughts, feelings, it drove you mad. And yet above it all the image of that poor girl stuck the most. It gave you nightmares in what little sleep you got. Eventually, your aching bones allowed you to get up from your bed and shuffle across your chamber room floor.

It was torturing you. You had to see her again, had to look at her up close. She couldn't have been real. And yet you remember the sight of her made your heart pround and your stomach turn. You had to see her again.

So you wrapped yourself in a robe, and with nothing but a candle light, you crept down from the tower and deep down into the dungen. Two gaurds which sat at the dungen doors seemed to pay you no attention. Upon clooser inspection, you found them asleep. How convenient, you thought.

You entered through a large gate with ease and found the faceless figure of the girl as she sat on the dirt floor. Beyond the bars she was put behind,were more walls of cages and bars that kept most prisoners. Enemies of your father and petty theives, murderers, etc. You'd never been down here before. The intensesity of the horrid place was enough to make you run back to saftey. And yet once you found her, you hid and couldnt stop watching her.

She leaned her head against the wall, her head unable to reach the wall due to the hunch of her back. The poor thing gave a sad sigh before she liftes her hands and brushed aside the hair from her face. Two sparkling green eyes and rosey cheeks shattered every expectation. Her face was beautiful by any standard, but her gentle eyes were filled with sadness. As she relaxed, she reached down to her feet. She took her anckle in one hand, and held the hoove with the other. And with a gentle pull, the hoove and a part of her "ankle" popped off. The prosthetic revealed the truth. She simply had no feet. You relaxed for just a moment. She was no demon.

"Are you lost, princess?" A voice growled behind you. You let out a sharp gasp as you turned to find Jasper standing right behind you, too close for comfort. His eyes dark and glaring into yours. He was angry.

"Jester!" You gasped.

"You shouldn't have come here, you were a fool to venture so far from your room."

"I just- I couldn't-" unable to finish a sentence, your heart racing in your chest and head, you stepped away to escape. Jasper reached out and grasped yoir wrist to pull you back. His fist turned around your flesh and it stung wildly, forcing a grunt of pain from your lips. He pulled you back to him forcefully. You'd never seen him so vicious or angry before. It scared you.

"Now you've seen her up close, you've seen the truth. You've seen what becomes of people like her! You've seen what monarchs like YOU do to people like US." He shouted.

"Jester, please." You begged and pulled away from him. He reached out and pulled your other wrist in his other hand to keep you even closer.

"You will call me by my name! As you will know her's! Look at her!" He hooked his around around your waist and turned your back to him. He forced you to look at the poor girl as she stared up in confusion and fear. "Her name is Elizabeth! She was left alone after your damn council convicted her mother of being a witch where she was burned by the stake. She has been struggling to survive till that damn Empire found her in a traveling circus." He hissed in your ear through gritted teeth.

"Let me go." You growled. "You could be executed for this."

"We are all damned to an empty fate so long as your kind is alive." He breathed in your ear.

"Let go of me...Jasper..." You stated firmly with a shaking voice. He took a few deep, heavy breaths before his grip lightened. You looked to Elizabeth, who stared up at you with a pleeing gaze. Once Jasper let you go, you booked it out of there.

You ran, and ran, and ran all the way back to your room. Your chest heaving, your mouth dry from panting, your heart aching in fear and pain. Your quickly reached your chamber room door, and slammed it shut behind you. You didn't sleep for the rest of the night.

Why did he touch you that way? He knew the risk, he knew you could report to your father and have Jasper killed. You should. But you wouldn't. You couldn't. No matter how wrong it was, no matter how much it hurt to have him yell at you like that. It didn’t mean it was right for him to do so, but he had a point. And the way he pressed you against his chest, the way he...held you. It made you shake. You were unsure of exactly what this feeling was, but it made your head spin and it drove you wild.

You had fantasies of Jasper before. You called him a pest and tried to counter act as best you could. But your feelings for him persisted and refused to leave. Even after his rage towards you. Especially after. You were seeing a different side of him, a new one, a real one.

The next morning, Abby found you sat quiet and ready to be dressed. It unerved her to say the least that you were so prepared and so soft spoken that morning. It was completely and totally out of character.

"Good morning, princess." She addressed you, awkwardly and unsure.

"Good morning, Abby." You looked up at her with an emotionless gaze. It made her uneasy.

"Are you feeling alright?" She asked as she brushed your hair and helped you dress. You shifted for a moment in thought.

"Just, tired." You admitted.

"I see. Just don't let your gaurd down." She told you as looked back over your dress to ensure you were presentable. You could have used that advice a little sooner.

The guests of the ball had stayed. They would stay for three days, and by the end, you were expected to pick a suitor. This was a rule set by your father. This was the first day of three. This day was filled with entertainment, shows by Jasper, Monty, Murphy. Competitions between nobel men of sword fighting, arrows, axes, ridiculous displays of strength. All of which Bellamy and Lincoln participated in, in hopes of catching your attention and for their own egos. But your attention was not on them, they were on Jasper. Who had decided it was a good idea to flirt and tease Princess Octavia. She appeared to have no interest in him, and even scolded him at one point. It made you smile a little.

You were to spend time with your suitors, chaperoned of course. And so you took walks with them about the royal garden with poor Monty picking at his lute behind. It all felt very awkward. Your conversations were boring and mundane to say the least. Though, Bellamy had been a slight bit more entertaining than Lincoln. Your decision though would still be based on political action. This was your one and only political contribution, and you were lucky your father was allowing you to choose.

After it all, you finally managed to sneak away and be alone in a small chamber that was often used as a study. You leaned against a desk and took a sigh of relief. Until the door behind you opened and closed. You assumed it to be Harper, or Clarke.

"Please, give me one moment of peace, for the love of god." You spoke as you turned, and froze. "Jester."

"We're alone, princess, you can call me Jasper."

"Jasper, you shouldn't be here."

"I could say the same to you."

"If we are found alone-"

"We won't." He reassured. His eyes didn't look at you. He held his head down, as if sad or in shame. "I came to, apologize." He stated shyly.

"There is no need, Jasper I-" you went to move to escape the room, but he stood in front of the door.

"Please. Let me explain myself."

"You don't have to, I understand." You reasoned.

"No, you don't. I am so deeply sorry for what I said, for what I did to you last night. I practically bruised your wrists!" He gently reached out and let his fingers brushed against your wrists. You threw your hands away. "Please princess, I never meant to hurt you. I was so angry. That poor girl." He trailed off.

"I forgive you, Jasper. I understand your anger and your hatred. Now please, move aside."

"That isn't all I have to say. Before you go to your father, before I am killed, I have more to say to you." He looked at you with pleading eyes. "Princess, I fear that I may never get the chance to tell you this again. I thought I had more time, but I now realize you will soon be gone for good. It breaks my heart to know that I may never see you again." He slowly reached his hand out again, and took yours. Gently and tenderly. You started to shake. He lifted your hand to his lips and left a soft kiss. "I have loved you since I first layed eyes on you."

"Jasper."

"You have haunted me ever since, and knowing I would never be able to have you has broken my heart. But the notion that you will no longer have a place in my life shatters my very soul. I live to make you smile and to hear your laugh. I wanted you to know this before it is too late." He looked up from your hand, back to you. His deep brown eyes, filled with tears now. You fell frozen, you didn't know what to do. "I know your hatred for me, and I know-"

"I don't hate you." You spoke up. He let your hand down from his face, and you held it back. "I've never hated you." You admitted. You never truly did, he found him annoying at times but...your mutual love for him was always there. His eyes filled with hope. His chest heaved as he looked into your eyes, waiting for you pulk away. When you didn't, he moved quickly and suddenly. For the first time, you felt lips against your own as he kissed you. It was so soft, so sweet. It sent a chill down your spine. He wrapped his arms around you as you placed your hads on his chest. You kissed him back and be held you close in a moment of pure passion and desperation for one another.

"Princess, I-"

"My name is not Princess, Jasper." You whispered.

"I love you, Y/N."

"I love you, Jasper." You told him. He let out a soft chuckle of happiness and smiled. Tears would have fallen for it not for another kiss. A passionate and heated kiss that made your blood boil. You wanted him closer. You felt more and more desperate for him as he leaned down and kissed your neck and whatever exposed flesh be could. You let out whimpers and moans in response. You let out an especially loud one when Jasper's hands started to wonder your clothed body.

"Are you alright?" He asked, concerned. You nodded, your cheeks hot and red. "Oh sweet princess, you've never been touched before, have you?" You shook your head. "Forgive me, I'll be gentle." He whispered before kissing you again. You felt so dizzy and yet so grounded at the same time. Before you knew it, you were pressed up against a desk. Jasper's hands hiking up the skirt of your dress and pulling down the shorts underneath. You wanted this so badly. You wanted him. Needed him. And he needed you.

"Jasper" you moaned as he kissed your neck. He gave a smile and huff as he held you close to him.

"You have no idea how long I've wanted you like this." He whispered into your neck. His hand went down to caress your thighs. And then suddenly you felt his touch. You let out a sharp gasp in surprise as he started to play with you. No one else had ever touched you before, no one but yourself. He made you moan into his lips as he kissed you passionately. You took your hand in his, and guided you down to his cock. He moaned and twitched under your touch as you stroked him. You drove him wild.

Jasper held you close to him by your waist as he pressed himself against you, positioning himself st your entrance. You could feel your heart racing in your chest and the adrenaline pumping through your veins. You let out a harsh gasp as he pressed forward and slid into you. He held you so close and so tight, it was comforting in that moment. You felt pain at first, sharp and stunning. Until it became dull. He started to move and something switched inside your head. You became a mess. You were vulnerable and weak, you were his and his alone. A moment so intimate and pure in that moment. You'd never felt anything like it.

He grunted and moaned as he bucked his hips into yours, he cling to you as he made love to you. Making sure you felt pleasure instead of just pain. Before you knew it, he had reached his high and began twitching and moaning your name helplessly. You held onto him as you felt him cum inside you. You may not have reached a climax as he did but, you felt a calming and pleasent sensation that ran throughout your body. It made you smile as you kissed him. He panted for a moment before kissing your all over and holding you close still.

"Oh Y/N," he panted, "you are an angel." He rested he head on your chest and held you there for a moment. "It is every man's dream to have you like this." He cooed. "I can die a happy man knowing you have loved me."

"Please don't talk about death anymore." You asked him as you ran your hands through his hair lovingly.

"You better go back to the festivities before anyone notices you are gone."

"We both should."

"Not together."

"No. Not together" You nodded. You fixed yourselves, though you didn't expect yourself to be so weak after. Your head spun and your legs were wobbly. Before you left the room, Jasper grabbed you by your arm and planted yet another passionate kiss on your lips. Oh what a rush that gave you.

"Good luck out there, princess."

"You too, Jester."

[tessatechaitea]

New Titans #114

This is it! The last regular issue of this comic that I own!

I guess the changing of the guard leaving Arsenal in charge was the last straw for me. Or maybe the last straw was that Pantha's tail hole on her shorts never ripped so that I could see her butthole. One of those two reasons is definitely why I stopped buying this comic though. This issue is called "24 Hours" which makes me think of Gaiman's The Sandman which makes me think, "Why the fuck am I rereading this shit when I could be rereading that shit?!" Oh wait! I actually know the reason for this! It's because these Titans comic books were stored in a big old regular sized moving box that I wanted to get out of the way! Also I've reread The Sandman and I've never reread this. And since I'll be fifty in a little over two years, I should probably get all of the stupid time-wasting bullshit ideas out of my head now. Any writing projects I can't finish by the time I'm fifty, I'm abandoning. At that time, I'll just make up new ones that will only entertain me and a few other people. So if I've ever said anything in passing about something I was going to do, like finishing the Goggles Futures End story or my Fantastickal Fuck-Fighting Books, you'd better get your vote in now! The issue begins at midnight with Changeling getting his ass beat by a dark silhouette who claims Changeling promised to "end her living days." I don't know who that might be or why this is happening. With Zero Hour beginning right around this time, my comic books might become complete nonsense. I just have to hope the comic books involved in that non-crisis-labeled crisis will have "Zero Hour Tie-in" labels on the front. I probably don't understand what's going on in this one because Marv Wolfman is being artsy. And fuck if I know anything about art! I read comic books for a reason, people! At 1:10 AM, Starfire flies around wondering if Earth is really her home. Yes, it takes six panels for her to ask that question. But she's also being artsy in a poetic way! She uses phrases like "scarlet sea" and "delicious nectar" and "golden skies." It's almost as if somebody scoffed at Marv Wolfman when he mentioned he wrote comic books earlier in the week and he thought, "I'll show them!" Then he was all, "Hey! That issue by that new kid Gaiman was kind of artsy! It had those clocks that showed what time it is and the whole thing took place in only 24 hours and it was all filmed in real time although with all the cuts from one character to another, why did it even fucking matter? Oh wait, it's only 1994! I don't know who Jack Bauer is yet!" At 3:36 AM, Pantha breaks into somebody's apartment. Supposedly it's the person who changed her from a person into a cat or from a cat into a person. But it isn't so Pantha gets to scream in existential angst which is the only cathartic release available to those of us who know nothing has any meaning and all of our clothes need to be tailored so the tail can stick out of them. At 4:10 AM, Dick Grayson proves he's a master of disguise by first being unrecognizable and then being unrecognizable in a different way.

A true master of disguise! He's already showing hints of his ability to be Agent 37 of Spyral.

Notice how the panels are all wonky in the previous scan? I'm sure Marv Wolfman put a note in the script to the artist: "We're being artsy this issue! Art it up!" At 5:20 AM, we finally learn what happened to Deathwing. I don't mean we get an explanation of what Mirage did to him and why he doesn't have testicles anymore. We just see that he's making an appearance so that the audience can go, "Oh, that fuckbunny isn't dead? Great." The silhouette from earlier has dragged Changeling into Deathwing's bachelor pad. She's still just a dark profile but she mentions that Changeling is probably strong enough to accept her seed so it must be Raven. I guess being a demon from a dimension of empaths means you don't learn about the birds and the bugs. Unless this answers a question I'm sure I asked much earlier! Changeling can turn into a female version of any species! And Raven squirts semen because, well, she's Trigon's daughter. At 6:05 AM, Arsenal goes jogging with Bill Clinton. Clinton messes up Sergeant Steel's plans to manipulate the Titans into working for the government by telling Roy that he wants the Titans to be completely independent but he hopes that they'll work with the government. This plot point feels like Marv worked himself into a story arc that he didn't want to pursue any more. It's not like the DC Universe needed another team working on behalf of the U.S. government. At 6:15 AM, Garfield Logan finally gets laid.

Okay, maybe he doesn't get laid. But he definitely comes in his pants.

Do you think Marv Wolfman was in the shower when he thought, "Comic books have 24 pages. There are 24 hours in a day. Hey! I should steal an idea from Neal Gaiman!" At 7:43 AM, Nightwing crashes through a skylight. Just like Batman taught him! I can hear Bruce now: "Good job, Dick! Now they'll have to call Wayne Skylight and Window Repair! Another payday for the Batman!" At 9:00 AM (Eastern Time, Planet Earth, Sol System), Jarras Minion of some planet in the Alpha Centauri system watches his entire race disintegrate before his eyes. Probably a symptom of Zero Hour! At 10:05 AM, Nightwing declares, "I'm not a doctor! I just feel like a doctor!" It's his philosophical explanation for why he doesn't use lethal force. It totally makes sense because Nightwing still punches the shit out of people just like how doctor's love to give shots and cut people open. At 11:20 AM, Changeling begs to remain a virgin. He escapes but he has some missing time so he might also be pregnant. I guess I'll never know unless he starts showing in 24 hours! Or I'm curious enough to go buy some back issues. Ha ha! That was a joke! I have no curiosity. Page 12 is noon, of course! Nightwing has lunch with a detective because Dick Grayson had the fear of Alfred beaten into him about sitting down promptly at noon for the midday meal. Twenty-four hours for Dick Grayson went like this: 9 PM - 4 AM: Risk life with grown ass adult man in bat costume. 4 AM - 8 AM: Sleep. 8 AM - 9 AM: Waffles. 9 AM - 12 PM: Training. 12 PM - 1 PM: Cucumber sandwiches. 1 PM - 5 PM: Study time. 5 PM - 6 PM: Tea. 6 PM - 9 PM: Try to evade Bruce and Alfred as Dick finds a quiet spot to masturbate. At 1:30 PM, Roy has coffee with Steel. The government's final offer to the Titans: the government gives the Titans the Terraist's satellite, an Earthbound base, and money to pay off any lawsuits against the Titans and in return, the Titans promise to consider missions for the United States. What a terrible deal for the government! The Titans can just turn down every mission and the United States gets nothing for their investment. There must be a loophole. Steel reminds Roy, "You gotta decide fast!" As if it wasn't the easiest deal in the world to say yes to! At 2:25 PM (Eastern Time, Planet Earth, Sol System), Jarras roleplays Kal-el's early days. As his world is destroyed (along with some visiting Darkstars), Jarras escapes in a pod called the Omegadrone. It's both an escape pod and a weapon! I don't remember the character Minion at all. Probably because this was the last Titans comic I read for decades. At 3:55 PM, Wolfman reveals that Red Star has taken a job as a mall security cop. And I guess a babysitter as well since Baby Wildebeest is hanging out with him. At 4:10 PM, Roy Harper signs the contract with the government even though he knows it's going to blow up in his face. Fucking leftist comic book writers, portraying the United States government as underhanded, manipulative bastards who don't give a shit who they hurt to get what they want! At 5:20 PM, a bunch of Darkstars are killed by the rainbow spiral that destroyed Jarras's planet. The populace of the planet had been bred to be passive. So I guess the moral of this story is that hippie beatnik pacifists are only asking for trouble. Fucking right wing comic book writers! Well, at least Jarras has learned the lesson that peace is for dead people. The Omegadrone will teach him how to get revenge. At 6:03 PM, Roy thinks he's going to get Wally West to join his government Titans team but he's really going to get Impulse. I know that because I looked at the future roster of this team: Arsenal, Damage, Impulse, Mirage, and Terra. No wonder I stopped reading it! At 7:32 PM, Nightwing takes a shower. Naked! I know that's how most people take showers and I probably didn't need to emphasize it but he also jerks off so maybe I should have started with that.

DC canon: Dick Grayson jerks off thinking about puns.

And after he finishes.

At 8:54 PM, Dick Grayson turns in his resignation to Roy Harper. He's officially off the Titans! Good riddance, ya dumb jerk! If that even is you. Try looking more like Dick Grayson next issue, Dick Grayson! At 9:20 PM, Red Star, Pantha, and Baby quit the Titans as well. Then they go on a romantic road trip which DC apparently didn't publish. There's an advert in this issue for a Green Arrow story arc called "Cross Roads" that the copy compares to Knightfall and which nobody fucking remembers (probably!) but DC never published a Red Star/Pantha team-up?! No, they were right. Just as I was typing that, I was thinking, "Fuck, I would never have purchased that shit." At 10:10 PM, Changeling agrees to stick with the Titans. But he's full of Raven's disgusting seed, so he'll probably just turn on them immediately. At 11:05 PM, Dick and Kory break-up. But not in person! Dick waits for her to arrive to a dinner where he can dump her but Kory knows better and just flies into outer space. I don't remember what happens with her but it's probably super boring. I'm sure she goes home, fights with Blackfire, fights some Gordanians or whatever dumb race always enslaved the Tamaraneans, and then remembers why she moved to Earth in the first place. At midnight, Phantasm arrives to lead Harper and Logan into Damage #6. And then into Titans Zero Hour! Oh. So I guess I do have one more issue of this story arc to read: New Titans #0. I also have a Titans Elseworld Annual in the stack. Plus a Team Titans Elseworld Annual and one more Team Titans issue. And finally, before I can totally move on, Deathstork #0! New Titans #114 Rating: C. The one hour per page gimmick really helps Marv Wolfman clean up a bunch of loose ends to get the Titans ready for a big group change in Zero Hour. Plus he was able to shove in the Minion origin story (which was really just Superman's origin). And I usually give the art a pass even when it's not very good (and I often ignore it when it's great!) but holy Lobo's bulging crotch, it was fucking terrible this issue. It was so bad that I'm not even going to remember who the artist was so that I don't have to feel embarrassed for them.

[queencanaries]

A Tuna stan just tried to argue with Otto and insisted that rebirth BC is Dinah Drake. I'm feeling second hand embarrassment for Tuna and her stans. Imagine your fave being sooo irrelevant you argue about her existence with someone who actually works on those comic books. smh

The really funny thing is that those same two or so people (not saying Tina Stans have two fans, just saying it’s two specific people I see on Twitter) were talking about LL fans being so desperate for Rebirth Black Canary to be DLL to keep her “relevant” and how we’re just mad because DC is apparently so focused on DD now... but then I go to their pages and they were messaging the creatives behind Green Arrow Rebirth like... daily, begging them to tell them if it was Dinah Drake in Rebirth. And then when Otto posted that it was DLL, they went into meltdown mode and were like “am I supposed to just take his word for it when it’s clearly Dinah Drake?” LIKE?!?!?! Benjamin Percy (the writer) has favourited tweets where people say “Dinah Laurel Lance” and I saw no tweets of him favouring “Dinah Drake.” The truth of the matter is, most people who have read the comics thought it was “Dinah Lance” as in “Dinah Laurel Lance” and the only ones desperate to change the reality of the situation are the ones who want to give Tina Fake relevancy. It’s not the other way around. So awk for them. 

[lightshadowverisimilitude]

Painting meatballs

For @copperbadge: Sounds like you could use some cheering up this week. :) 

Most days, being a superhero did not pay off. He’d been chased through probably twenty miles of tunnel, managed to drop his last nine arrows down an open manhole (who just leaves manholes open?), and it was only by the grace of his fingertips that he hadn’t gone down after them. He’d forgotten to go grocery shopping, he had a headache from somewhere south of hell, and he was almost hungry enough to share a bowl of Kibbles ‘N’ Bits with Lucky and call it a night.

“Happy freaking birthday to me,” he grumbled as he trudged up the stairs to his apartment. By the time he realized that his keys had apparently gone the way of the arrows, he didn’t even have enough frustration left in him to swear. He dropped his head forward, hitting the door about ten million times harder than he’d meant to, and jerked away with both hands over his forehead.

He definitely didn’t think anyone could blame him for being a tiny bit slow to react when his apartment door opened by itself, but he did manage to have a knife up by the time the interloper leaned around the doorway.

Natasha quirked an eyebrow at him. “Is that a sharpened butter knife?”

Clint glowered at her and slid the blade back into his boot – one of only three, but his count, that hadn’t ended up buried in some guy’s thigh, or washed away in Shit River. “I had to improvise,” he defended. “Why are you in my apartment?”

The other eyebrow quirked up to join the first. “Why are you not in your apartment? Also, you smell like sewage.”

“Long story.”

She tipped her head to the left to examine him, and maybe he was projecting or something else that the group home counselor would have said was unhealthy, but he was positive she could see right through the smarting mark on his head and read his mind. Without a word, she stepped back to hold the door open and gestured inside with one hand.

“I’ll get you a beer.”

“Don’t have any,” Clint muttered. He had about half a bottle of Nat’s shitty vodka somewhere, though he’d used the whiskey for antiseptic the week before.

“Good thing Jan knows how to throw a party,” she said. Her smile softened slightly and she gestured in again. “Though Tony thought jumping out and yelling ‘surprise’ was a smart idea for all of twenty-two seconds.”

Clint shuddered just imagining the heart attack he would have had if he’d opened the door and yelling had been the result. He was suddenly grateful that he’d lost his keys – he’d forgotten all about Stark’s threatened birthday party, and he was more than a little surprised that everyone else had apparently remembered. Now that he was paying attention like an ex-assassin and current masked superhero with poor apartment security and lots of enemies should be, he could hear the faint chatter of about half a dozen people and the subtle clinking of forks on plates.

He glanced at the door and then over to the elevator. “Maybe I should just go get some chips or something.”

Natasha shrugged. “If you want. But your meatballs will probably be cold by the time you get back.”

Clint’s stomach emitted a loud snarl, and his mouth instantly flooded with saliva. Nat might have been kinder than most people gave her credit for, but she still laughed at him as he stood rooted to the spot, doing a good impression of a meatball-zombie. 

“Please tell me they’re not those bullshit fancy meatless-meatballs or whatever Pepper had A Thing about,” he begged.

“Nope, they’re the cheap frozen meatballs you get out of a bag and dump in the oven.”

He could have kissed her. He definitely did moan, “My favorite.”

His apartment had been cleaned, and it smelled like Pinesol and sweet sweet processed meatballs fresh from the oven. Every lamp he owned had been moved into the living room, which had apparently not been enough, because there was an Iron Man suit standing in the corner and glowing like a six-and-a-half-foot art deco lamp.

“Surprise?” Tony offered, from the kitchen, and Holy Patron Saint of I’m never letting you live this down, was wearing a bright yellow apron liberally splashed with hearts and smiling sunflowers, a matching pair of oven mitts, and a lime green party hat.

“Why are you like this?” Clint blurted out with a laugh.

“Laugh all you want,” Tony said, setting down a tray of freshly cooked previously frozen guaranteed delicious meatballs so he could point at Clint with one bemittened hand. His eyes transferred over Clint’s shoulder and he nodded faintly. “But I’m leaving this here when I go. You can thank Jan.”

“Happy birthday!” Jan said as soon as Clint turned to face her, looking like she was ready to burst. “I really want to hug you, but you have been out doing things that got you a little too close to a sewer. Air hug!” She announced and crossed her arms over her own chest, squeezing hard and twisting side-to-side.

It looked like a really nice hug, and Clint was even sorrier about the damned sewer. He looked between his bathroom door and the piles of warm meatballs, and made a noise that he normally would have blamed on Lucky, but Lucky was on his back in the middle of the living room, shamelessly soaking up the belly rubs from Thor and getting his muzzle petted by Steve.

Natasha pushed past him to the kitchen, piled a dozen meatballs on a purple plate with the Hawkeye symbol stamped in the middle, and nudged him away with one finger. “They should be cooled down by the time you wash your hands. Go!”

Clint eagerly took the plate, leaned over, and lipped one of the meatballs right off the top. He tried to smirk at her, but was too busy sucking air in around the molten mouthful as she pushed him toward his bedroom.

~*~

Despite orders to the contrary, Clint had devoured the plate of meatballs before his shower, and he felt less likely to gnaw someone’s arm off by the time he made it back to the living room. A long folding table had been wedged between the couch and the bar, and it looked like Jan had dumped the entire Hawkeye section of Party City on top of it. It was cheesy, and stupid, and perfect. He stood in the doorway for a second to just look it over – they were all pretending that he wasn’t staring at them, and that was what good friends were for when you just got off of a Hell Week leading into Nightmare Night. Lucky was up on his back legs so he could have his front paw on Tony’s lap and was doing his damndest to get at the mountain of meatballs in the center of the table.

“I’m not feeding you,” Tony told the dog seriously, but his hand was wrapped around Lucky’s ribs to rub at his belly. “Seriously, have I ever fed a single thing in your entire life? Why don’t you go to climb in Steve’s lap? He’s a dog person, and I know for sure that he’s fed you at least once tonight.”

“That was just a treat, Tony,” Steve protested.

“He said the word treat,” Tony told Lucky, which just got him a messy kiss across the cheek and Tony leaning comically sideways in the chair to in a vain attempt to avoid it.

“Just push him away,” Clint suggested, stepping into the living room and climbing over the couch to get the open chair.

Tony gave him a frankly scandalized look, but turned back to Lucky to say, “You’re not getting anywhere with this. I am immune to canine flattery.”

“Not all canine flattery,” Natasha muttered, and for some unfathomable reason, Steve blushed and kicked her under the table. Natasha neatly dodged, and held an open beer out for Clint, so cold that it had mist curling out of the neck and droplets running down the sides.

“I love you,” Clint told her very seriously.

“I know,” she answered.

He swallowed about half of it before pressing the cold bottle gently to his forehead and rolling it back and forth. This was the life – why did he not have a million roommates again? He set the bottle aside and looked down to realize that what he’d mistaken for plates were actually large plastic painter’s pallets with little cups of “paint” set around the edges. There was a bright purple cup of paintbrushes sitting opposite his beer, and a stack of napkins with the Avengers Assemble cartoon Hawkeye at his elbow.

Jan leaned forward to explain, but Clint just shoved his finger in the yellow paint and licked it off – spicy mustard, the kind he got at Chinese restaurants and poured over everything.

“Or you could just do that,” Jan finished, laughing. “It was Steve’s idea.”

“This,” Clint said, snagging a meatball off the pile and a paintbrush, “Is the best birthday idea ever.”

Jan nudged Tony, who was still not-really fending off Lucky’s affectionate begging. “And you wanted to bring wine,” she scoffed.

Clint had three painted meatballs stuffed in his mouth when Jan climbed out of her chair and wrapped her arms around his shoulders. She leaned over to press their cheeks together and squeezed hard, rocking him gently side-to-side.

“Happy birthday.”

“’appy meathba’ ‘ay,” Clint corrected, but he reached up to squeeze her wrist and leaned back against her.

Maybe he was just imagining it or something, but it seemed like his headache was gone.