#i always wonder if my analysis is coherent

[identityflawed]

maul was never meant to succeed sidious. he was just a tool and a weapon. he was never an apprentice and he was never really, truly a sith. as all of sidious’ apprentices (yes, all), he was entirely disposable, though sidious had no apt replacements at the time.

had he not died, i am sure sidious would have continued to use him for covert missions, but he would’ve recruited someone else (dooku still, i imagine) to lead the separatist side of the war. and while there are a litany of things to show that maul was little more than a weapon, the clearest one is from The Wrath of Darth Maul.

the key tenet of the sith is that the apprentice yearns to kill the master. both tyranus and vader had the desire to murder sidious, though dooku was far less eager to act upon such things in comparison to vader… arguably this is second proof of dooku’s pure disposability, was the fact that palpatine first endeared himself to dooku, so he was always a friend before he was an enemy.

(anakin is the exception. he is a son who wishes to kill his father. palpatine saw that, and he acknowledged that no amount of false affections would be enough to keep vader’s killing intent at bay.)

back to maul. during his final trial on hypori, where he dueled sidious, he lost his hatred for his master. it became unwavering loyalty. treachery is the way of the sith, and this is the antithesis to that. palpatine needed a subordinate. he did the same with dooku, but dooku always figured that by the end of the day they would be somewhat equal in the post-war empire. dooku was deluded. maul was just… never meant to be a sith. too bad for him. he had all the anger and all the strength, and he would’ve absolutely crushed it about a thousand years earlier. but he was not built for the modern era of darkness, where deception and political cunning reigned supreme.

sidious preaches finding apprentices who are strong where you are weak, but also weak where you are strong (the creation of monsters). maul could carry out assassinations and hits and takedowns that sidious could not, but he was never well-accustomed to the world of subtlety and subversion. he chafed at the idea of being restrained to non-force action, as any sith would, but he prioritized his master’s will over his own. and it’s good that he did, from sidious’ perspective, anyways.

and while sidious considers vader to be his minor masterpiece, this guy is absolutely terrible at picking apprentices and keeping them. or, more like, he’s just a terrible fucking dude and master as well. and he didn’t really want a successor; he just wanted monsters and tools and subordinates.

but the dark side is founded not only on anger but on arrogance. you have no truly humble sith lords, no true sith lords who believe that they are just fine where they are. this hunger for strength makes good students and good masters, but terrible, terrible tools. maul was a failed apprentice because he thought he had everything he needed. he died. dooku was a failed apprentice because he never thought he needed more. he died. anakin was a failed apprentice because he needed what only palpatine could provide. each in their own way failed to carry out the will of two because of palpatine’s ability to engender dependency on him.

tldr: what palpatine really needed was a neurotic and insecure force-sensitive who didn’t get arrogant and die to a jedi on naboo. nice try, old guy.

[kyouka-supremacy]

(´･ᴗ･ ` )

[sugar-grigri]

Just wanted to point out my little grain of rice about your response to lottimiqo's analysis, don't really have to post my ask btw but since I can't comment on the og post I'm just gonna point it out here.

About Denji being the one who who started the kiss... I just can't see it that way.

Simply because Denji never, but NEVER touches the women who have touched him back. Not even for a rush of hormones.

Unless he haves complete and explicit permission to do so, he goes for it. Case we have only seen with (rip<"3) Power.

(sorry the pages aren't in order.)

The other times Denji haves "made" contact with those women, he just never touched or tried anything back.

Makima #1

Immediately backs off after she guides his hand on him.

Himeno #2

Again, he may accepts but he just doesn't start anything back. Doesn't even take his own clothes off, Himeno does. (I didn't download the page of her taking his shirt off.)

Fumiko #3

Once again, taking this one as the closest case to him and Yoru on #167. In terms of situation mostly,,,

He keeps his hands for himself.

He accepts, he asks if they should do it now. But does he jump into action?

The fact that Denji is looking at "Asa" in that moment just makes me doubt more he would start anything. He likes Asa, that's why I just don't think he would dare to kiss without "her" stating it explicitly. But "she" doesn't. Yoru just leans in again after, from my perspective, he backs off.

Anyways sorry if I'm not that clear or didn't explain it well but I hope the examples give a view of my point. 😿

Love your posts loulou! 🫶🏼

You're right to point all this out, it's very relevant and makes chapter 167 all the more coherent. But there's also something important to ask: why? Why does Denji never seem to take the initiative?

I think it's because he was subconsciously afraid. But not afraid just to take a step with a girl. Fear of disappointment (and trauma)

You were right to mention Power at the very beginning, because it actually starts a vicious circle. There's always the moment when Denji wonders if he's finally going to get what he wants, and it turns out in the worst possible way.

Denji experiences his first disappointment with Power, realizing in the same way that touching breasts doesn't produce the effect he'd so dreamed of. Questioning his way to happiness. Makima takes over, subtly picking up on this search for happiness in getting close to a girl, to manipulate him. In the long term. In a more insidious way that prevents Denji from realizing that things aren't going his way.

Himeno is a transmitter of trauma. She's drunkenly kissed all the new recruits - it's like a rite of passage. Trauma is the vomit it literally regurgitates down the throats of new generations. Denji lost his "innocence" too at this point, unconsciously realizing that he was the object of consolation from failing adults.

Reze kissed Denji, cutting off his tongue. In fact, she had no particular reason to do so. In fact, by cutting out his tongue, she is expressing her desire to silence Denji. For it is through their discussions that they realize their similarities, and therefore the risk of empathizing with him. Cutting out his tongue allows her to make him suffer as her mission requires.

I've talked a lot here about Fumiko. Fumiko is the symbol of all this unconscious sexual trauma for Denji, openly manipulative, adapting to Denji's reactions, giving him the impression that he's the great hero in control, promising to do him good, to protect him, while dreaming of making him a collector's item.

In short, if Denji didn't react, it was also because he had unconsciously understood from a purely physical point of view that these were not the right circumstances, the right context. The accumulation of all these experiences has also pushed him to withdraw into himself, while continuing to hope. Because Denji hasn't yet really experienced what he's been longing for, the bits and pieces of experience have given him a bitter taste for sex. But since it's his only hope, he clings to it.

That's why I think we'll know when we're in the right circumstances when Denji reacts with his hands. Embracing another is a sign of trust. It's always the others who have done it, never him, on his own.

[ramenrescue]

do you any headcanons/aus/thoughts on usao/ousa ? loved your analysis of ogata/asirpa

Oh boy, I might have too many thoughts about Usami and Ogata so this may have to come in parts, especially the AUs. I have started writing a modern day reincarnation fic for them because I am just very feral about these two at the moment, so if I ever finish that and feel compelled to put it out to the world I'll let you know. The thing about writing fic or manga is like -- I can write little snippets but to piece them together into one coherent story is very difficult.

Anyway, your ask came at such a prompt time because I managed to buy the Japanese volumes on Bookwalker for almost 50% off and I specifically reread the main parts with Usami, so they are quite fresh in my mind. I think I agree with other analyses I have read about Usami in that he is a direct foil to Ogata. And this can be seen in their superficial traits: Ogata has many square-shaped, angular, sharp motifs on his face, like his square-shaped eyes, square shaped iris, squared eyebrows, square jawline, square hairline, while Usami has rounded tips on his eyelashes, round moles on his cheeks, rounded lips (cupid's bow), concentric circles for his pupil/iris, and rounded brows. Usami excels at close-range combat, while Ogata excels at long-range combat. Usami grew up amongst a large family with many siblings, while Ogata grew up practically an only child.

But here's the weird part -- I actually don't think they are complete opposites -- I think they have some things in common. <- more on this later.

It is interesting how in Usami's backstory (Chapter 227), Tsurumi (in conversation with the dojo owner) refers to Usami as a "dog among sheep" and a "born soldier who is highly loyal, combative, and is able to kill without remorse or regret". Then, it cuts to Usami in present day saying he predicts the serial killer in Sapporo will return to the scene of the crime and masturbate while reminiscing of their crimes because he understands that sentiment on a personal level. Usami here appears to show understanding that he possesses an innate capacity for violence.

Ogata was always wondering about the whole nature vs nurture question -- like whether lacking remorse for the act of killing is something one is born with or a product of one's environment (ex. bad childhood, war). Usami is a shining example that humans can in fact kill without remorse, and everyone except Ogata knows Usami is an exception to the rule. Usami is well aware this is what makes him special and this is one of the reasons why Tsurumi values him so much as a subordinate.

The problem with Ogata is that because he appears to have very little personal connections outside of Usami during the war (which is... kind of cute in a pitiable way?), he misconstrues that people like Usami are the majority. Usami agrees with all of Ogata's skewed interpretations and analyses that "all (majority of) people do not feel remorse in the act of killing" and in doing that, he is straight up lying. Usami knows people like himself are in the minority -- and because his analysis of Ogata's character was so spot on -- I'll go as far to say Usami knows Ogata is "normal" -- because if Ogata were truly a "born soldier" like Usami, he would not be ruminating about the philosophy of guilt and killing and questioning himself and bouncing his ideas off of another person -- he would just simply, be. Usami receives further confirmation that Ogata is simply, "just a guy", when he overhears Ogata calling Yusaku's name in his sleep. Usami also calls Ogata a snot-nosed brat quite a number of times, and I think that is alluding to Usami knowing that Ogata is just a sheep wearing wolf's skin.

It's interesting that Ogata entrusted the inner workings of his mind to Usami. I thought about this and I came to the conclusion that maybe he saw his own mother in Usami -- which I know, it's kind of insane, but I'm going somewhere with this! In Chapter 304, when Ogata is reminiscing about his mother, it appears she has a prominent cupid's bow -- a physical characteristic possessed by Usami. His mother likely called Ogata by his first name, and Usami is shown to be THE only person in present day who calls Ogata by his first name. Ogata's mom was head over heels over a man in a position of power with a wife who never returned the same level of love, while Usami is head over heels over a "promiscuous" man in a position of power who will likely never return the same level of affection that he's outputting. Another interesting side note: Usami chides Ogata for being the illegitimate son of an escort* and back in the Edo period, women in the business would chop off their pinkie as a sign of loyalty to their patron. Although Ogata likely did not have a good vantage point (nor did he care) to observe Usami's final moments, I think it's still worth mentioning that Usami getting his pinkie chomped off by Tsurumi resembles an escort chopping off her finger as a sign of ultimate devotion to her customer, lol. Anyway, I think because Ogata drew parallels between Yusaku and Asirpa, it is not so far fetched that he saw his mother in Usami -- and ultimately his projection made him trust Usami more than one ever should. There is one more important evidence that Ogata saw his mother in Usami -- in that he killed both of them with similar intent. He killed his mom not out of hatred, but because he wanted to put her out of her misery -- and he thought that if his father came to her funeral, she would be happy. Before he shoots Usami, he says something like "if you're so worried about being Tsurumi's cheapest pawn, why don't you see what his face looks like at your funeral," and in a way, he is putting Usami out of his miserable state of feeling inadequate. Ogata killed his mother with conviction that the positive outcome would happen, while he kills Usami with more of a neutral outlook -- and interestingly, Ogata, by killing Usami, gave Usami the thing he wanted most in life -- a reaffirmation from Tsurumi that he was his one and only (which, whether Tsurumi was telling the truth or not is dubious from a reader's POV, but alas, we are happy for Usami).

So here we return to my earlier point -- that they are crafted to be very different from each other, but they do possess similarities. One obvious one is that they both yearn for affection from Tsurumi -- which highlights another difference in that, yes they both yearn for love, but the love they seek are different. Usami yearns for love from one person and one person only, while Ogata is more agnostic and yearns for love from pretty much anyone who is willing to give him attention. But here's the thing -- I think Ogata's yearning for affection is a product of his environment -- and I think Usami's yearning to be someone's one and only, is also a product of his environment! I think that because he grew up in a large family, the love from his parents was dispersed amongst all of their children***, fostering an environment ripe for someone like Tsurumi to sweep him off his feet and pour "love" into this near-empty vessel. Usami felt intoxicated by the notion of being someone's one and only, that his jealousy-filled-rage led him to murder. I'd argue that without the addition of Tsurumi, there would be no Usami. Tsurumi compared Usami not to a wolf or a bear -- but a domesticated dog -- which is not, by itself, likely to commit acts of violence**. A soldier becomes a soldier only when commanded -- STEERED in the right direction, much like a dog will become violent when raised to do so. Therefore, a version of Usami who never met a sweet-talker like Tsurumi in his formative years, would likely not grow up to be an ultra-loyal killing-machine. To sum, I believe Usami's capacity for violence is an innate quality that can only be harnessed by the right environment.

Thank you for the question! One thing I still haven't quite wrapped my mind around is how after Ogata shoots Usami, he says "thank you, Usami, your death has completed me as a sniper." Okay??? What does he mean by that! I don't know! So if you or anyone reading this has any thoughts I'd love to know!

--

*=note that 商売女can include prostitutes and geisha, and the lines between geisha and prostitution was a lot blurrier back then so I'm just calling them an "escort" although Ogata's mom is officially known to be a former geisha

**=note that this is a sweeping generalization and I am aware different dog breeds do display varying levels of unpredictable, aggressive behavior

***=I just want to point out that Usami's parents are portrayed as being in love with each other, so they may have had that many kids as a result of lack of contraception. There's a scene in Vagabond with a couple who are having sex despite their many children crying out of hunger, and it kind of reminds me of that...

[lady-forest-1142]

I NEED to talk about how chloe or sam or sophia or marcus by taylor swift is a kevjean song, so settle in. I'm kinda running with the idea that the verses are v kevin coded and the chorus & bridge is jean. behold.

Your hologram stumbled into my apartment Hands in the hair of somebody in darkness named Chloe or Sam or Sophia or Marcus And I just watched it happen not to start this off dark but with these two it's kinda hard to avoid - I don't remember if kevin knew about jean's abuse at the hands of the backliners/grayson, but he def knew about jean's reputation as a whore and pretty obviously didn't/couldn't stop it As the decade would play us for fools And you saw my bones out with somebody new Who seemed like he would've bullied you in school And you just watched it happen swap out 'he' for 'she' and you've got kevin leaving jean and dating thea, which I am still dying for more info on - how was thea affected by the nest? what part did she play in jean's treatment? I think it's fair to say that she couldn't have been entirely blameless. what does jean think about her actions in retrospect, and her connection to kevin?

If you want to break my cold, cold heart Just say, 'I loved you the way that you were' If you want to tear my world apart Just say you've always wondered this is v jean coded to me. I could be kinda projecting here, but I feel like it would be easier to imagine that kevin didn't feel as deeply for him as jean did for him (cause regardless of if you view them as romantic or platonic jean felt A Whole Lot), than to think that kevin did care for him, did feel something for that scared little boy whispering french in the darkness, and left him anyway.

You said some things that I can't unabsorb You turned me into an idea of sorts You needed me but you needed drugs more And I couldn't watch it happen okay I'll admit that I can't make the "you needed drugs more" line work, but! "you turned me into an idea of sorts" is a defensive shield a guilty person could throw up - jean turning kevin into an idea and then being hurt when he made the very human decision to run away and never look back I changed into goddesses, villains and fools Changed plans and lovers and outfits and rules All to outrun my desertion of you And you just watched it IF THIS IS NOT THE MOST KEVJEAN THING YOU'VE EVER SEEN HELLO I think it speaks for itself

If the glint in my eye traced the depths of your sigh Down that passage in time Back to the moment I crashed into you Like so many wrecks do Too impaired by my youth To know what to do they were both children in the nest, frightened and hurt, and even though kevin was older than jean he still was too young not to make mistakes, not to hurt him by accident, not to think of anything besides his own needs in his darkest moment

So if I sell my apartment And you have some kids with an internet starlet Will that make your memory fade from this scarlet maroon like it never happened Could it be enough to just float in your orbit Can we watch our phantoms like watching wild horses Cooler in theory but not if you force it To be, it just didn't happen here is where the jean perspective comes in again. I have so so many feelings about this but I'll try to be coherent - jean is still haunted by kevin, by his lingering attachment to him, by how he still cannot forgive kevin for leaving him. to see kevin living a relatively normal life outside the nest, while jean still can barely function day to day largely because of the consequences he received from kevin's actions, cuts him deeply. kevin has more concerns now than jean - jean has nothing other than his trauma and kevin (at least at the beginning of trc). if jean moves on, if he lets go of the nest, if he accepts his place on the outskirts of kevin's life, would that be enough? or will he always be pulled back, wondering what could have been?

I almost never write out my song analysis and most of this was thought of at 2am so idk if it makes any sense but I had to get it out

[sage-is-in-fact-very-tired]

I'm not really coherent right now, there's a lot going through my brain, but. Being sappy is not something I do a lot - but fuck I'm gonna do it this once.

To the Fable SMP cast, thank you. Those words don't, never have, and truly never will encompass how I feel; how much gratitude and thanks and appreciation I have, but they're the best that summarize it. Thank you. For the bottom of my heart and from the bottom of my *everything* - Thank you.

As a cast, you guys have taught me a lot. How to deal with more complex problems and emotions, how to process things, how to realize things. You guys have shown me so much through disability rep - being able to look at characters and go *oh* and *understand* has been a wonderful thing I've been able to do, and I thank you for that. You guys have thought me so much about friendships and relationships and how messy they can be - but also how kind and caring and gentle they can be. You've shown me just how big a found family can get - how the people you call your friends morph into family after so so much. You guys have shown me how messy sibling relationships can get. This is probably a bit more a a specific point in Heyhay and Sherb's direction but *fuck*, seeing how you can fucl up as a sibling, bit as long as you try your hardest, maybe just maybe you can be forgiven - it means a lot to me. I have 5 siblings - which is wild, but it means there's problems left right and center sometimes, but seeing that these characters can get through it, always makes me happy. (And you've reminded me just how little I tell my siblings that I love them - and how little they tell it to me in return. Maybe we should work on that..) Really in general you guys have taught me so much aboit *life* it's hard to know where to begin. But yet again, I thank you. Not for anything specific but *everything.*

I probably wouldn't be here as I am without Fable. Emotionally or mentally. I've learned so so much. And I've figured out so so much - and I've created so much based upon the things you guys have written out for us. I wouldn't be as good as character analysis as i am without this. I wouldn't be as good of a writter as i am with out this. I wouldn't have the friends I do today without this - wise, echo, cobalt, sunny, ash, howl, all the quixivists really, snow, rin, *everyone* - I wouldn't have those people wouldn't this. And I really want to thank you *all* for that - because I don't know what'd I'd do without some of those people. And I just. Thank you. Really truly thank you all from the bottom of my heart. I don't know what other ways and thank yous I can give - but if I think of any I will gladly tell them; because this community and this smp has meant so much to me. Seeing *all* these stories grow and blossom - I know I'm "the icarus poster" and probably won't be relinquishing that title any time soon, *fuck* if I haven't watched everyone's story. I've watched and observed and I. I love everyone's story - and I'm glad everyone's gotten a good ending. And I thank you all so much - again, I know I keep saying it and I don't know how many times I can repeat it before it's too repetitive, but I really really *really do.*

To the Fable smp cast, thank you so much. I am glad I was here for this - I'm glad I was here to watch as this story came to a close. And I'm glad I'm going to stay and see how we continue it. And I'm glad I'm going to stay to see where *you all* are off to next.

Thank you. You all are wonderful people, and I hope you know that. <3

[hazarambling]

its 2024 we need to put some respect on baiheng's name

please quickly before any analysis look at my lovely wife i really like her my wife is soft and i like her... look at her she's so pretty WAHH ok analysis time

ok so i was reading the wiki a few days ago and i saw this:

and oh my GOD it pissed me off BECAUSE SHE FOLLOWS THE HUNT!! SHE FOLLOWS THE HUNT!! SHE FOLLOWS!! THE!! HUNT!! like is this not common knowledge?? its almost certainly the driving force to her central conflict as a character, whether to remain with the xianzhou and risk her life for the hunt or to abandon it and become a nameless

like in those bits we see that she, like her parents, was a nameless, but also that she had great luck and used that luck to help the xianzhou in combat, and also she joined the hcq and the hcq were all labeled as outcasts, so maybe her long absences from the yaoqing/the orbit fleets drove a divide between her and her duty to the xianzhou because she just wanted to trailblaze, and this divide between her allegiance to the hunt and the trailblaze is what made her an outcast

also that line from blade always sticks out to me because baiheng is depicted as the one to bring wine to the hcq

so baiheng is bringing them (and consistently, jingliu, but we can assume since nobody else is mentioned to bring wine to them that baiheng is bringing wine to all of the hcq) wine which they used to "drown [their] sorrows"... i wonder who introduced that habit to them, considering she also introduced wine to them... but regardless this isnt directly stated in cannon so i wont focus on it

ok tldr

like just from the fact she fought with the xianzhou (and chose to return even after she'd go trailblazing) shows that she follows the hunt, i dont understand why her lore path is listed as just the trailblaze when its so clearly the main conflict of her character that she follows both the trailblaze and the hunt

ok enough yapping next point

SHE IS LITERALLY ONLY APPRECIATED INSIDE OF 1 SHIP. (LIUBAI) BUT SHE EXISTS AS HER OWN CHARACTER!!! but nooo instead we must have arguments about her because she "ruined the lore" no she didnt, the lore is fully coherent! ofc we dont have all the details but who cares! dan feng and yingxing tried to revive her thats all we need to know in regards to parts of the hcq's lore that had widespread consequences!! im whipping out my passerby analysis im sorry if the image is very small but tldr the beloved FRIEND cant be any other than baiheng its 2024 we need to stop arguing about passerby ok fellas

like im so sick of people only bringing her up in relation to ships, i am like one of like 5 other people who actually like baiheng for being baiheng and not just inside of a ship. baiheng is super cool!!! and so integral to the hcq story!! and also she's really pretty!! and we should talk about her more and appreciate her more!!

also i hate the thought that yingxing making the flask for her and "finally" making up his mind to give it to her has to imply something romantic, she was his beloved FRIEND and even those small words of encouragement she gave him on the zhuming gave him some confidence and optimism. them being friends and these words affecting yx (bearing in mind baiheng seems to be one of the first people to give yx encouragement, because he "seems to have a brighter expression on his face" after baiheng talks to him, why would he react like that if he was praised often) so deeply show how important they are to each other.

and also his choice to do the sedition with df can also be way more impactful because baiheng changed yingxing's life so much for the better, and now he cant stand the idea of her not being around and was grieving so much that he agreed to commit a major crime with dan feng just for a chance of bringing her back

ok now let's wrap this all up and put a bow on it (baiheng would look so cute with a bow in her hair omg)

the fact the WIKI cant even get this right when its so obvious baiheng followed the hunt is just crazy to me and people really need to appreciate baiheng as baiheng!! yes liubai is an amazing ship but she exists outside of it and her platonic relationships with ALL of the hcq are so important! people need to appreciate the hcq as a platonic family-esque quintet and also recognize the individual characters and dig into them all!! ok boom, take the hcq again i love them i hope we get stuff about them in 2.4 i really miss them

[historicallyaccuratecheese]

So...I have an update I'd like to give on my big tma analysis posts.

As I'm sure anyone who's been following them have noticed, these posts have been on hiatus for quite a while now, and...there's quite a few reasons for that, which I'd like to finally share. I'll go into more detail below the cut, but...it is for these reasons that I have ultimately decided to quit putting these posts out in their current form. I'm not going to stop sharing my thoughts, feelings and analysis on tma alltogether, far from it, but...I am going to drastically change the way I share those thoughts, feelings and analysis with others. Here's why.

Also, I’m going to make this my new pinned post, so here’s a link to the old one containing all of my previous tma analysis posts.

I want to start off by saying that...overall, writing these posts over the past seven months or so has been a wonderful experience, seriously. With massive hyperfixations like this, it can usually be hard to properly express everything I think about them, especially given how I usually have very little people to talk to about my interests in the first place. But writing these posts...has honestly kind of fixed that. I've been able to say almost everything I want to about this amazing work of fiction, document my experience listening to it for the first time, and meet some really kind people who are into the same thing as me, and are always offering lovely support for my writing. It's one of the most emotionally validating experiences I've ever had, and I cannot stress how grateful I am to everyone's who's offered me support and encouragement. However, while I have no intention of throwing this all away...the way I've decided to write these posts has admittedly led to a number of not so great things for my life and psychological state, and I would rather do away with those.

Firstly, it's no secret to anyone who's been reading these that they have been getting progressively longer and longer, to the point where my previous post on the final 10 episodes of Season 2 was the length of a goddamn novel. But...as much as I've tried to deny it, that ever expanding length has been making it more and more of a slog to write these. Like...the currently work-in-progress post on the first 10 episodes of Season 3, which isn't even halfway done, is already at roughly 60k words, and...I feel like that's a bit too much. And the thing is...I absolutely love tma, truly, but...listening to it has basically become a chore due to the monumental task I've put upon myself, and...I don't want it to feel like that. I want listening to tma to be something I can do for fun, and this...isn't always fun.

The feeling I get when I complete a part of the post on a certain episode, or read a lovingly made reply is still one of the best feelings I've ever had, but...I really want to go back to being able to listen to tma as a leisurely and pleasurable way of spending my time, rather than a duty I'm obliged to. I want to be able to catch up and get the chance to listen to The Magnus Protocol alongside the rest of the fandom as new episodes come out, a goal that is becoming more and more unrealistic as time goes on given the amount of time it takes me to write about an episode, let alone mentally unpack it with how much is happening.

It...might not come as much of a suprise that as of now, the most recent episode of tma I have listened to is MAG 85: Upon the Stair. An absolutely brilliant episode that I loved for its amazing storytelling and use of The Spiral, but...also one where it feels like an impossible task to write something coherent about. I spent literal weeks trying to write something that I felt expressed my thoughts on this episode in a clear way, but...I just couldn't do it, and it became harder and harder to write the more I put it off. I haven't even felt like I’m able to listen to the podcast I'm writing about in the first place ever since, all because I've been trying to jump over this very mentally taxing hurdle. Now, I assure you that I am not canning this entire project simply because of one intentionally impossible to comprehend episode. If I wanted to, I could very well just...skip writing about the episode and then continue onwards. But...I mention this because ultimately, the episode highlighted a lot of problems with my way of putting these out for me. It made me reach a point where I could no longer deny the fact that...writing these posts was not something I was doing for fun anymore. Not because of the quality of the show or because of pressure being put on me from others, far from it. Let me be perfectly clear when I say that tma is just as good as it has always been, if not the best it's ever been, and all of you have been nothing but extremely polite and ridiculously patient any time I've mentioned my struggles with writing. Rather...I think that by chaining myself to a responsibility I created, I have made this task less fun for myself, and...I don't think I can make it fun again without heavily changing the way that I approach it. This is all a very long-winded way of saying that...I want to enjoy myself. I want to get back to listening to tma for fun, I want to at the very least be able to listen to the final season of tmagp for the first time alongside other people, and...I just want to feel a bit more free.

However, it's not just my self-destructive behavior that's making it harder for me to write these. As I've mentioned before, it's quite frequent that I'm prevented from writing these...simply due to general life circumstances, some more negative than others. Right now, I'm...at a point in my life where I'm figuring a lot of things out, both in terms of how I feel about myself and in terms of how I'm going to approach life going forward. . You see, if I'm being completely honest, the reason I've been able to write posts these long in the first place is because...well, for one thing it's my autism and likely ADHD that I'm trying to get diagnosed and medicated for, the latter of which is...one of quite a few big stressful things that have been going on these past couple of months. But that aside...I've been a mostly shut-indoors person with a lot of free time on their hands, both of which are gradually waning over time. Right now, I'm trying to get out in the world a bit more, make some new friends and try some new things, and the preparation I'm doing for my exams is getting more and more serious and time-consuming by the day, and...hopefully, if I can get through these exams, I'll be able to leave the currently online-only school I'm at and finally get back out into the open world. ...Ok that got personal real quick, but my point it...there's a lot going on in life for me, and as much as I really do cherish all of this writing and rambling about this thing I really like...even I can realize that there's a point where the line is drawn, and I have to set my priorities straight. Right now, I'm discovering my place in the world, moving on to the next part of my life, even trying out some new hobbies when I get the chance, and...that might just mean I have to put these posts to the side.

Overall...I really do hate to do this. Like...a lot. I understand that this is probably pretty disappointing, especially after nearly two months of complete radio silence, and believe me, it's disappointing to me as well. I...felt really confident that I would be able to do this for...what will one day become 290 episodes of Magpod. But...I think I've needed to realize for a while now that...the way I'm writing these posts isn't doing me many favors. With how full my plate is going to become over the course of the next year or so, and with how I've been feeling about this whole project...I think I have to unfortunately give it a premature death.

....Well...not exactly. ...Come on, you didn't REALLY think I was going to put my spooky podcast hyperfixation in the garbage like that, did you? No way. Not a chance in hell. As I've said, listening to this podcast and being able to talk about it with all of these amazing people is one of the best things to ever happen to me, and I am not about to throw that experience to the wayside just like that. I still want to find a way to post all my thoughts and theories on this lovely work of art, and talk about it with other people, just...maybe in a way that's not nearly as much of an expense of my time and energy. Because, like...as cathartic as it is to gaze upon my 80,000 word long wall of text, it...really doesn't give me much more than an ego boost and bragging rights, and...those are not nearly as valuable to me as all of the stuff I just mentioned. Hell, I don't think the overall format of my posts is necessary to get my points across...at all. Like, yeah, I think it has a pretty nice structure, but...I don't think I need to re-itterate myself nearly as much as I do, and...be honest, are the recaps of episodes REALLY all that needed? Because...like...I know that they can be helpful to anyone reading them who hasn't listened to tma in a while, but...sorry if this is blunt, but if you REALLY can't remember some miscellaneous detail I mention...honestly just google it. Like...I swear I am not going to try and gaslight you in my tma analysis posts, unless it's in a funny Michael-core way. Basically, all of this is a...fittingly long-winded way of saying that I'm still going to be posting my thoughts on tma, just...in a different form. Here's the plan.

Rather than release super comprehensive gigantic essays every ten episodes, I think I'm going to just opt to release short little...collections of bullet points, which will put out my thoughts, feelings and theories on the episode I just listened to (most of the time anyways, if I for whatever reason don't have the time to make one then I'll just put my thoughts alongside the post for the next episode), albeit in a much more informal, insane brainrot, freaking out all over the place sort of way. ...Ok, that's hyperbole, I'll still try my best to sound coherent. It might not be nearly as structured as my previous way of writing this, but it'll be way easier for me to write and much less time-consuming, while still hopefully managing to get everything I want to say out there for other people to see. Hell, doing it like this might make it so that it's easier for others to digest, and might display thoughts that are even fresher in my mind as well.

And...even then, I still want to put out the occasional big essay post here and there. Probably not as big as something like my last Season 2 post, but...just a lot more of a structured and well thought out script if you catch my drift. These won't be coming out on any sort of clear and discernable schedule mind you, just...whenever I both feel like it and have the time to write it. If there's an episode, character or concept that I feel really deserves a deep dive, or a big grandiose theory that I want to explain in great detail, then...that'll get its own dedicated post. I already know that I want to make a big post all about Michael whenever his character finally gets some more explanation, along with a post detailing my overall thoughts and feelings on the podcast both after I finish MAG 200 and for when The Magnus Protocol finishes, probably some retrospective stuff much later down the line, and likely a bunch of other stuff that hasn't even crossed my mind yet. Rest assured that...I am not stopping any time soon. I still want to use this blog to talk about this podcast in some way, shape or form as I make my way through it, I just...might need to change my method of doing so into something that's...a little bit nicer to myself. And hey, if you have any suggestions as to how I continue this going forward, please let me know. If anyone wants to see what I had initially planned for my first post on Season 3, that's still in my drafts and I'd be more than willing to post it, even if it feels a little bit anticlimactic. I just hope that the people who have enjoyed hearing my thoughts will be willing to stick around, even if I express those thoughts a little bit differently. :) ...And before anyone says it I am more than aware of the irony of writing an essay about why I refuse to write essays.

Well...thanks to everyone who read this. I hope that everyone's ok with my decision here. Ultimately, there is a part of me that will miss the feeling of being able to marvel at posts so big that I made, but...at the end of the day, if I can find a way to finally feel unconstrained by self-inflicted tasks every day without guilt, and make greater progress in my social, personal and academic life, AND still be able to share my thoughts on tma with others despite all of that, then...I think the essay format is a sacrifice I'm (mostly) willing to make. Maybe doing this might also allow me to share other creations of mine on this hellsite if people are at all interested. I'm trying to get better at drawing and would love to post some art for both tma and other hyperfixations when I'm feeling more confident, and maybe write things for other topics as well. ...I don't know how many people who follow me are familiar with Hollow Knight lore, but I've been replaying the game for a Steel Soul run after a good while of not having touched it, and...let's just say that I have made some interesting discoveries that I haven't seen anyone else talk about before. But...that's a topic for another time. Anyways, I'd just like to put out some special thanks to some of the biggest supporters of this whole project, even if it's earlier than I expected to do so.

@b100k, for introducing me to tma in the first place and being an overall great friend who always lets me incoherently ramble about an episode immediately after I finish it.

Both @theguiltinessisyours and @spookygiantturtleshoe-blog for always having left lovely replies on my posts ever since they discovered them

And finally, anyone who has taken the time to read, like, reblog or reply to even one of these posts at any point in time. As corny as it sounds, all of you really do make my day a little bit brighter every time I see one of you :)

Well...that's all from me. Once again, thanks so much for reading, and...I hope you'll enjoy whatever I make next.

[veliseraptor]

Hello ! I've read a lot of the posts you shared or wrote about horror, especially in reaction to "pearl-clutching" discourse against the whole genre.

It was very though provoking (thanks!) but I was wondering if/how you draw the distinction between that and, well, honest and "legitimate" bad review / negative analysis of some individual stories who happen to be horror ?

Oh, for sure. Of course there's legitimate criticisms to be made about individual horror works, or even about horror as a genre on the whole. I'm never going to claim that there isn't. While I do feel like there's a place for the "let people have fun" school of thought around media criticism, I don't think it should be a blanket smothering of all criticism - mostly, as with so many things, it is worth considering your time, place, and audience. For your own sake as well, I find.

I do think that sometimes the language of "criticizing" or "being critical" has become a handy mask for people to say whatever they want in some of the same (though less pernicious) way that people use "I'm just asking questions" to shut down discussion of misinformation and conspiracy theories. Again, #notallcriticism, much of it is good and beneficial and keeps things fresh (and me thinking), even the criticism I ultimately might end up disagreeing with. And at the same time, I do see the tendency popping up sometimes to use the idea of "legitimate criticism" as a way to shield a person from disagreement (the somewhat infamous "think critically about x" translating to "and you'll agree with me" comes to mind.)

As far as the how, well, it's certainly a little your mileage may vary - what I might read as an unfair review of a book I liked, for instance, someone else might read as a well-deserved ripping to shreds of a mediocre work, and it's certainly possible for neither of us to be "right" about which it is. Some of this - maybe even a lot of it - is a matter of perspective.

I guess I would think of two things that shape my perception of how someone is talking about a work or a genre, in general and in particular with horror:

1. Is the writer familiar with the genre? Do they have at least a passing familiarity with the conventions, tropes, and other narrative tics that tend to crop up? If not, are the criticisms they are making marked by that lack of knowledge (ime some of the discourse about the A Song of Ice and Fire falls victim to this, sometimes). I'm not saying that criticism is invalid coming from someone without genre knowledge, but I am saying that I'm more inclined to be skeptical of criticism that comes from someone who clearly dislikes the specific genre they're discussing, because it sometimes feels like a willful lack of curiosity and unwillingness to engage with a text/genre on its own terms.

> Addendum to this: is the writer familiar with the genre as it stands recently? Horror now looks rather different than horror fifty years ago, just for instance.

2. Is the argument or point they're making actually coherent? Is the analysis solid and grounded in at least some kind of evidence or source? (Is the author using screenshots of tweets in lieu of actually writing about the phenomenon they're discussing?) I can't always but I'd say I can usually at least recognize, even if I disagree, when someone is actually taking what they're engaging with seriously and when they're not (in terms of the work put in to convince me what they're saying is true, relevant, and important), and if they're not taking it seriously then why should I?

And one more, I guess, which feels obvious but sometimes on the internet isn't, because people love to have opinions (I get it! so do I!):

3. Has the writer actually read (or watched/played/whatever) what they're talking about? This ties in a little with point one but is slightly divergent, because someone can to an extent be familiar with a genre without having read it. But someone talking authoritatively about the problems with something they haven't actually had direct contact with, based purely on a set of cultural osmosis and related assumptions, is frustratingly common, and people will assume that they know what they're talking about from that alone and are qualified to make a sweeping judgment from that position. And I'm just not going to take criticism made from that perspective very seriously.

That's how I'd draw my lines, anyway. I don't claim to be an authority, certainly; I'm a gal on the internet with a big mouth and a lot of opinions. I think the important things here though are a. I certainly don't think that there's no such thing as legitimate criticism (in the negative sense) of horror works or horror as a genre, and b. I have particular standards for how I judge that criticism based on content and context.

I guess it's also worth noting, with this particular example, that the other question is "how much does this feel like it aligns with the present moral panic around dark or disturbing content in fiction?" and if the answer is "a lot" then I'm significantly more likely to dismiss it.

[iguessitsjustme]

I’m writing this while walking to work so forgive me if it’s not entirely coherent. I think it might benefit some people to have a reminder that books and show/movie adaptations are different. Reading the book might mean you know the framework for the show/movie but it does not make you An Expert on the show/movie.

First and foremost, I’m not going to say don’t post spoilers, but I will so do not go onto someone else’s post and post spoilers. You would not like it if someone came into your house and spoiled things for you. Do not do that to others. It is not only incredibly rude. It is entirely selfish. Which brings me to my next point.

If reading the book enhances your experience, if it’s something you enjoy, I’m glad! I am so incredibly happy for you. It does not make you smarter or inherently more informed than the people that choose not to read for whatever reason.

You might know what happens and have more knowledge about the story as a whole but that does not mean that people that are posting predictions or speculations don’t know what they’re talking about. I know a lot of people that watch these shows have some sort of degree in writing or literature or visual media. Gonna use myself as an example here, I have a degree in writing. I am decent at analysis. I mostly post silly little shitposts or memes but all of my posts are operating from a place of being informed.

I am capable of predicting what’s gonna happen. I am aware of narrative structures. I’m aware of plot devices. I’m aware of the common tropes in the shows I watch. And that doesn’t matter! Because that is entirely Not The Point. I don’t care if I predict accurately. It’s not about the what happens. It’s always about how we get there.

Of all of the shows that are airing and I can pretty much tell you what the ending of each of them is going to be. Even without reading the novels. That does not make them any less enjoyable for me. It makes them even more enjoyable. Cause now I get to watch for the details. I get to watch and see how this show has decided to show the journey of the story. And sometimes how they completely rewrite expectations. Some of the things I have watched have been very, extremely good at subverting tropes and expectations. Things can veer off in directions you don’t expect even if you’ve read the novel. Simply because it’s a different story. It is imposssible to do a 1 to 1 adaptation. As much as we might want it. It is simply not possible.

I have read a few novels that the shows are based on. Every single show has made drastic changes to the source material. So while you might have knowledge of what’s to come in the novel. You might have the ability to spoil everyone for what’s coming, even you can’t be 100% sure until it happens. And condescendingly telling people it’s so obvious when you have future knowledge is incredibly unacceptable.

This has gotten very long and I am actually at work now and should probably actually do my job but I just need to reiterate. Reading the novels is fine! It’s fun! I am genuinely so happy people are reading and enjoying themselves and also enjoying the shows! That is wonderful! But do not ruin or attempt to ruin someone else’s enjoyment simply because you think you know more. Make posts about the differences on your own blog. Talk about spoilers with friends that have also read the novel. But do not go onto a stranger’s post and post spoilers because you might be ruining the media you love for that person without even realizing what you’re doing.

[bunny584]

I loved the analysis on Gojos recent „incident“. While I was very disappointed in the beginning (keep in mind, I am not even black, just a woman of color) I think Gege tried to address some very prevalent underlying issue of Japanese (or more likely Asian) society. It also makes sense that Gojo was the one to bring that point across, since, as you said, he is the perfect character, given his entire character and personality. I’m just a bit sad bc from an outside perspective it looks like Gege keeps dragging Gojos character through the dirt. The timing was horrendous and it kinda gives of the vibe that Gege wants people to hate him - which I don’t even think is the case. I mean Gojo did apologize and I don’t think it was ill intended just very ignorant of him. So yes there is definitely character growth happening. It’s just a bit questionably executed.

Oh, also, I’m not even the anon who sent the ask, just someone who wanted to share her opinion too. So no need to answer this if you don’t want the topic to keep being dragged on you blog.

Jeez, I don’t even know if this whole thing is coherent at all☠️ whatever, wishing you a delightful weekend 😘

Hi little love 💕 It was the most coherent thing I’ve read (and even if it wasn’t, share with me always). We’re 100% on the same page.

I do wonder how Gege is handling all this. It must be hard to feel like you’re falling from grace with your craft. My heart hurts for him a little 🥹

[free-boundsoul]

Hi I’m here to ask for the ramble on Queen Ruby?😗❤️ if you would like to?

I'm definitely up for it, sorry this took me a moment to get to.

Gonna put some Ruby rambles under a cut. Warning, this probably isn't coherent since I just finished my 10 hour shift but here goes

First off, wanted to say that I don't like many female asmrtists, at least the ones that I tried listening to before or the ones my partner recommended. And that's mostly just because the ones I found the voices were always a higher pitched whispery type and for some reason I just couldn't get into it.

But Frenchie's voice for Ruby? (And the whole cast of her story and the fractured fairytales to be honest) I just...I was stunned because damn she has such a beautiful voice and they way she can differentiate between the different gals is mind blowing to me. (Don't get me started on the mafia Ruby because the accent alone just kills me (in a good way))

Anyway, I'm so in love with Ruby. I'm a simp for yanderes and Ruby checks all the boxes. Caring and devoted. Starts with some mind-fuckery to enthrall Treasure (I love me a good angst angle for the future). We are now at a part of their story where Ruby is so in love with Treasure that she's willing to end the enthrallment just to give them what they want, even if that means they might try to leave. It's all just...*fangirl noise*

Ruby is so multifaceted. And I have no skill in character analysis but I'm happy to go along for the ride with how the story makes me feel, yknow?

Like. She is so sweet with Treasure, ready to give them the world as long as they stay with her. And at this point, I think Ruby would give them anything they wanted, even if they decided to leave. (I really really hope Treasure decides to stay with her. I'll understand if they part but my heart...)

Ruby has a regality to her around others, a fierceness that comes with her status that you see when it comes to Éliane, or Sorah. I feel like that's more a mask that she puts on when dealing with others to go along with her Queen station. But that mask just falls away when it's just her and Treasure and I love it!

I'll admit this here, but a part of me kinda wished Ruby had become like an adopted mom to Treasure rather than a love interest. I just think that would've been an interesting angle and I'm definitely influenced by her Marie Greer series. But I'm sure Frenchie gets enough 'mommy' comments.

I love the world Frenchie is creating for the Ruby series. I'm very much a fantasy over a sci-fi fan. But there's so much lore in this world that we haven't been told yet and I'm just sitting in suspense of any Ruby update 😅 the dragon origins are just so cool, with their origins coming from the sea and then evolving to be in the air? (The flashback to when Ruby met her Jewel? I decided to listen to that at work and had such trouble trying to keep the smile off my face.)

Like, I'm wondering if Ruby was the first dragon to come onto land. Or a descendant and that's why she was chosen to protect the flame? I can't wait to get more into her past and see what happened with Jewel. (I know it's not a happy end but I'd love to see more from Jewel)

...I feel like this is all pretty random, like I'm just word vomiting. So I'm sorry for that but I'll end this with the one angsty thought I have

What if Treasure gets stuck between human and dragon? They can't go back to their human form, but they can't full become a dragon. No matter what they try or how Ruby tries to help.

They stay away from Hyacinth and Sorah because they're terrified of their reactions. Would Sorah try and attack them? Would Hyacinth view them as a monster? And what about Ruby? She loved their human traits, their softness now interrupted by patches of scales. Their hands now tipped in claws. Their eyes weren't the eyes that Ruby loved to look into.

[anonzentimes]

hi!! i watched your nagito video on yt and loved it sooo much, & i’ve personally wanted to make an analysis video on something but the problem is that i have NO idea what, i just have characters and things that i like in my head atm. not sure how to get a coherent response out😭😭i was wondering if you had any advice to give in video stuff???

Honestly that video mostly was from a tumblr post I had made, one of the reblogs made me think about how the things I was talking about wasn't surface level so I thought to make a script about it. I used the tumblr post as reference for some of it but a lot of it was just articulating things onto a google doc and making it work. I didn't really have a written down outline but I had a general internal one that happened to work enough and that I could implement as sections. Most of this is to say a lot of it was improvised and generally I've been wanting to make videos like that forever but it took ages to start. I started with what I thought would be easiest and it worked out well. Basically, I guess my advice, or what helped me is that, try doing what you think maybe easy and build confidence from there. Just start somewhere, wherever you think maybe easiest so you're not intimidated to take the step, get confidence from being able to do the thing, and then with that confidence you can build your own bridge to what you want to do.

For writing analysis itself, I'm not sure how I could give advice for that realm as the way I got better at it is from reading a bunch of fanfic as a result of grief and starting to talk about Nagito a lot on tumblr, it just kinda happened and I'm super grateful it did. But the general idea is that if you have thoughts you want to express you can always write them down and revise them as much as you want, the important part is that you get them out in the first place. And if you don't have ideas on what exactly, then it's a little trickier but I'd say just try throwing words at feelings thoughts and ideas on what you want to express generally at files and see what sticks.

I always have been frustrated when I ask others for advice and they tell me to just start, it feels more complicated to me, but I think the fundamental of "just start," is more so, "don't overthink it" which is why I say just start where you think is easiest, even if you don't have a specific idea try recapping a character's lore you like or something small you think about. Just put what you think are easy words for a topic or idea at a document, voice them, edit it, and eventually you'll get something that can be a domino chain to reach greater things.

Hopefully this made sense I'm not really revising before posting, I have faith you can make something and I look forward to seeing what it is. Aka feel free to send a link in my inbox if you end up making something.

[kozykricket]

every time someone mentions celeste or i watch someone play celeste or i play celeste i am just reminded of how much of a masterpiece the game is. like... i just. every little bit of it is perfect, from the major stuff like yknow, music, character writing, and wonderful pixel art, the great level design (!!! really great !!!) to the smaller things like sound effects/jingles... visual effects like squishysquishy madeline.. and like, the whole "mountain as a metaphor for stresses and anxiety" i dont think can ever be captured in as perfect of a way as celeste does it (long post, i figured this needs a Keep Reading?)

like, i feel like not only does the music set the tone and mood alongside the writing, but the level design works in tandem with it so well too. the absolute atmosphere of reflections always catches me off guard, like... confession: i still can't really relate to the identity aspects of it, though i can very clearly see them in celeste. but as someone who has experienced a lot of anxiety in life, i can relate so heavily to it all, and... just, the way the music sets the tone, especially in places like chapter 2, 3, 5, 6, and 7. (and of COURSE 9 but i could make a separate post on ch9) why not ch4? well, i think 4 is just a nice solid break after the intensity of chapter 3, which is refreshing. it stands out, but in a nice way. i really, really find that the game can just. bring out FEELINGS in me more than any other game can. i mean okay, games can make me sad, or put a smile on my face, but theres more... complex feelings, that i can barely put words to, that i feel from the music, like after you've just fallen in reflections. the ... hopelessness, almost despair, with a touch of ominousness, and... questioning, almost, of if anything was worth it. the hopefulness of the summit climb music, the uncomfortable feeling of the mirror temple music when you're in the mirror that feels like the musical equivalent of bugs crawling all over you, slowly turning into just. lost, quiet, helplessness and like. god. im not a masterful musical-analysis-person but. i FEEL like its fair to say that the entirety of the farewell ost really feels like its telling a story, one of... so many different emotions, which is so fitting, considering how complex the feeling of saying farewell can be. i. genuinely cant put to words the way that tracks like reflections and most of farewell make me feel, because singular emotions dont seem to be fitting descriptions. and i feel like no gimmick in levels ever stays for too long without introducing a new one or new combination of gimmicks. its a game where i CAN indeed be proud of my death count, knowing that it means im learning, because. death isnt frustrating and.... playing mods, ive realized even more about how unique the level design can be... some levels are more about understanding rooms and doing things in the correct order, some are about precision, and yet... it feels like the best levels... are somehow designed in a way that even the most complex rooms can just. guide you through them, like you're doing a duet with the level itself, as objects fall into place for later, etc. (midnight monsoon from strawberry jam is a good example) theres just so much greatness in celeste i know i spent like half the post on the music, but i could also spend that much time talking about how perfect the level design and difficulty curve is. the game feels like it naturally teaches you how to get better at it, without ever getting too frustrating. im not saying there isnt spikes in the difficulty the first time through, but ill say those spikes feel like they make sense, and they... well, the game does good at training you and then putting you to the test. it does well at teaching you without saying much. at most, a crow will say "press x to dash here!"

and honestly? i still feel like im hitting post too early here. i... love the game so much, and i cant put it into super coherent words. i feel like i. can never truly capture how much i love it. some games just do that to you. maybe i can capture how much i love it, but not... how much of a masterpiece it is. like yes, okay, i love it, but. its also... so much more than just a Good Game. I... think I'll hit post. maybe one day, ill write my thoughts on the game in a more coherent fashion, but. i think i get my message across here :P (it makes me almost kinda. frustrated. when i cant fully get whats on my mind down in words. like i KNOW theres more... that i cant quite pull outta my brain rn)

[bonesandthebees]

I care about Rose! In fact, we started watching house of dragon (only 2 episode so far though) and it constantly makes me think of Rose because you use it as inspiration. Like obviously there’s the coronation scene which reminds me of stars. And there’s the character Willum is sorta kinda inspired by. And it’s an entirely different world, but every time I’m drawn back to Rose wondering how things will play out. (Which is not pressure to finish writing it if you don’t want to. Writer’s block can be a bitch and I get that the motivation for this project has been sucked out, but I just want you to know that I still care, and I’m not the only one.)

Also, I’ve been meaning to start my Ready, Set, Detonate analysis but I keeps getting away from me. I’m not sure there will be much to analyse, but there’s definitely fun details I want to point out. Oh and I am Looking 👀 at the fit/pac tag and kicking my feet. I don’t actually know if they are already in a relationship (I’m sure we’ll find out, but I just loved Fit’s little “Pac’s here?” That man is gone. Oh and I’m so excited for this Tubbo and to read more Bagi and the lore. Just all of it.

Then the original writing is a mood. I keep getting like a few chapters into my story before deciding it’s not good enough or thinking of something else I could do and throwing it all out. It’s this constant loop that never seems to get anywhere even though the story gets more and more fleshed out in my head every time. I think it’s because the opportunities are endless. Like there’s no characters and personalities and dynamics to stick to like there is in fan fiction. It’s free game but that does mean you have to decide everything yourself.

Anyway, best original writing advice I can give is remember the drafting process. There’s going to be a shit ton of drafts, which feels different for you because you’ve been mostly writing stories and posting them as you go, which means some minor or major editing, but leaves you without a chance to do a once over. It’s a sort of pressure to get everything right the first time. Meanwhile, original writing is something you keep close to your chest. There’s different drafting stages ranging from the zero draft (aka excessive daydreaming about all the possibilities) to the final draft (where you just go through and kill all your darlings and pour over ever single word to find the right one).

I’m struggling a lot with the first draft, which is literally just getting words onto a page. It’s a somewhat coherent mess that just allows you to shape the story and its structure so you can work off of that and edit it later on. I don’t know if this actually helps, but yeah, the first draft sucks and then it mostly gets easier. Just write, is kinda shitty advice, but it’s mainly, just get words onto a page, you will get a million chances to fix it, you don’t need to be happy about what you wrote right now.

-🌲

ohhhh I'm so excited you've started watching hotd!! good timing since the second season is going to come out later this year :D I hope you enjoy!! and I'm so happy to hear you're still excited about rose. I definitely want to finish writing it, like I said it's just me worrying about if anyone will bother to read it but a lot of you have said you would so that helps assuage my worries a bit

feel free to send whatever random thoughts you have about ready set detonate you know idc if it's analysis or not I just love seeing peoples reactions!! fit and pac are not in a relationship (yet) in the fic but theres a lot of flirty pining going on lol

god yeah it's so much harder with original fiction because it feels like there's so much pressure. you have too much freedom to do whatever you want so you're constantly second guessing if it's good enough or not. and ofc I know rough drafts are supposed to be shitty but I've tried to hone my skills so that my first draft is always incredibly solid because I rarely have the patience to do heavy edits, but that's with fanfiction. it has to be different with original fiction I know but it's hard to make my brain okay with that. I keep feeling like it needs to be nearly perfect on the first run :( but yeah I'm mostly trying to get words on a page. but then I think back and realize I forgot to mention this or I need to mention more of that etc etc and it's just stressful arghhh

[naxal710]

Hey all! Been trying to organize my thoughts into something more coherent about recent events. And ultimately just decided to follow my heart and word vomit whatever came to mind. So, apologies for this jumble of words headed your way!

I don't really talk politics much here, and that's still gonna be the case. I prefer to keep my blog a space for me to just share silly memes, cool art, and analysis of characters and media I like. Basically a nice lil' spot to step away from all the chaos and negativity in the world.

But with the recent U.S. election results being announced, I'm reminded of being on Tumblr when we got the results of the 2016 election. That was a really rough time for me personally. Maybe one of the lowest points in my life (not just because of the election, but other factors as well). I remember seeing so much hate and negativity flying from both sides. It felt like being trapped outside in a terrible storm with no shelter in sight. It was truly awful.

And amidst that swirling storm of hate, I felt like I had to at least try and do something.

Anyway, all that to say I've been feeling that way again. So I felt like sharing a few things.

I'll keep posting stuff to my "positivity" and "motivation" tags to hopefully brighten your days. Finding those little motes of light in the consuming darkness do wonders. Even if my lil' sphear of influence doesn't reach that far, if I can make one person smile (even if only for a moment) then it's worth the effort! I wanna do my part to make y'all's days just a little bit brighter.

Also, if any of you need to just talk about stuff, hit me up! Doesn't even have to be serious stuff. If you wanna just talk about games or shows you like to take your mind off things, I'm down! I love seeing people get as excited and obsessive about stuff as i do. Its fun! I've been practicing my listening skills, and I've made it one of my goals in life to try and leave people in better condition than I found them.

Lastly, as someone who's survived a lot of awful crap in his life, I can firmly say that the thing that will help the most is to just love one another. When you're going through something difficult in life, turning your focus to helping someone else always eases the burdens on your own back. You lose yourself in your love for them, and in turn, your problems start to feel much smaller.

Anywaggle, hope this mess of words helps someone! I love you all. And we'll weather whatever comes ahead together!