#i always say music is my biggest achievement and yet my greatest regret

[shuujaye]

tbh, utaites / producers / and all those people uploading ensoushitemita videos on NND are the reason(s) i decided to pick up and continue my music journey again. thank all of you guys and your amazing talent(s). thank you.

[kiara-w]

A Father’s loss. (a Rewind one-shot, this is a long one.)

This a ficlet based on the fanfic Rewind by @a-non-ymouswriter, and exploring an au within the fanfic. In case you don’t know, the "Fatherinnit” au is based around what would happen if Tommy and Tubbo from a very bad future time traveled at a parallel world, and an adult Tommy adopts the kids Wilbur, Techno, and Phil as his sons. Here they have a dragon named Clementine. And Tubbo is also there with another child.

You can listen to this song while you read for more angst. The one shot was based around it.

TW (Trigger warning) for blood and characters' deaths.

Wanna read more?

Apologies for any grammar errors, english is not my first language.

—————

Little baby, hear my voice.

It's raining outside the house, but the inside feels warm, the smell of food comes from downstairs and Theo can hear little raindrops hitting gently against the windows.

He takes a look at his desk. Books and papers are spread all over the wooden surface, in the pages are scribbles of different locations, a map hangs in the wall with many places marked out with ink. All for a search that has lasted longer than any man can bother to count.

He takes a deep breath, and stores all of it.

The books are placed back in his small library, the papers will remain in chests and drawers, but the big map of the lands keeps hanging on the wall, looking clean this time, without the little tacks that were on the surface before.

Walking downstairs he hears the faint sound of a guitar, but he goes into the kitchen instead. He cleans the table and plates, crumbs of potatoes and cake are brushed off, and only then he decides to follow the sounds to the other room.

********

I'm beside you, O maiden fair.

"Tommy stop!" The familiar voice reaches his ears, but he couldn't give a damn about it.

His ax keeps fighting everyone in front of him. Neither faces or pleads matter anymore, he can only see red being spilled by his weapon gripped tightly in his right hand as his other arm keeps something precious close to his chest.

When the last body drops on the ground lifeless, Theo kneels surrounded by corpses in the snow. The white has been tainted with blood all around him.

He dares to look up and many feet away from him he sees Tubbo, now called by a different name, sword in hand, but with a pleading look. Someone hides behind him. A small figure, trembling, from the cold or out of fear he can not tell. And as the greatest mockery that the universe could ever give him, green eyes look at him, like fallen leaves that barely managed to survive the cold winter.

His long search is over. But Theo feels nothing.

Instead, he looks at the weight that holds his whole world down and, unlike the boy behind his old friend, is now dead in his arms.

"Please, don't do this." Tubbo takes a step forward. "They wouldn't want you to."

Those words alone somehow manage to set a blaze of fire inside him. In his right hand, a crossbow appears, and he raises it up to the sky as a call for a toast.

Tubbo runs towards him, but he doesn't reach him in time, and bright colors ignite in the sky. Then he sees it, Tubbo sees it, the boy with eyes like leaves sees it as well. Everyone in the city stares with horror as a big shadow roars in the clouds.

And everything goes down in flames.

********

Our young Lady, grow and see.

A final cry sounds in the sky. Two blades, sword and ax, stop clashing to witness the fall of a beast.

She was meant to be a heartless monster, one that was born to roam the biggest depts of unknown lands, but now she falls without grace. Spears through her heart and close to death.

In her last moments, she crawls through the snow, getting closer to the small body that rests in black feathers. She spreads her burn wings trying to encourage her brother to do the same, but there are no wings in the boy’s back anymore.

After leaving a hellfire behind her, she lets out a hurt cry and closes her eyes to go into a deep slumber, her final sight being the maskless face of the father that allowed her to live. No beams of light, no achievements to demand, no screams of victory.

In what world could exist a gracious end for a being called a monster?

********

Your land, your own faithful land.

Theo lost everything. And yet, he found what he was looking for.

He listens to the howls of the city, painfully cries of hundreds into the night, a night that shines red like the brightest sunset. He doesn't notice the tears that run down through his face when he looks at his daughter, laying still in the red snow.

Instead, he turns back to his enemy, a friend of another time, who looks astonished at the fallen creature. That's the moment he sees his chance, and with a quick movement, he finishes his final battle.

********

Sun and moon, guide us.

"Tubbo!" Dream screams behind him. Blood falls, but there is no more white to be tainted after the big massacre.

His sword leaves Theo's chest, the hands of the injured man let go of his blade, and he walks away slowly, getting close to the bodies in the snow.

Tubbo keeps still, his weapon disappears as he stares blankly, trembling, asking Ender to wake him up from the nightmare he has in front of him.

When he first arrived at this different but yet so similar world, he looked for his friend and instead ended up finding someone he had sworn to kill, but couldn't. He’d hated himself for that, he had hated him.

It took him days to be tolerant, weeks to be understanding, and months to be loving. He made friends, enemies, allies, but Dream couldn't be any of those. However, when the kid called him family, Tubbo knew that the man that he’d promised to kill had already died, and his vengeance had died with him.

A small hand pulls off his cape. Scared emerald eyes bring him back to reality, a cruel reality in which a musician with hands of fire and a small blood warrior lie now dead somewhere in the burning city. And he is the one to blame.

But his heart has felt worse guilt through the years, and he runs to his friend's body bleeding out next to the beast and the young avian he had never met fully.

And he screams his name like he wished to do for years but in different circumstances. Laughing instead of crying, playing in place of fighting, loving instead of hating.

And he stops when he hears Tommy’s voice saying three words he never thought he would hear from him again.

********

To the hour of our glory and honour.

Dream stares silently. Tubbo is crying, holding the person who attacked them and murmuring apologies as if the dead man could still hear.

He raises a hand to his face, and the boy realizes he is crying too. But why? The man that just died means nothing, the name Tommy means nothing, those blue eyes that looked at him mean nothing.

But the mask that he'd seen him wore does mean something. It was the same mask he used to wear for as long as he can remember. The thing that would have led him to a family. The object that Tubbo had asked him to throw long ago, and he had happily complied because the warrior was his family.

But Dream keeps crying, sadness fills his chest, why does it feel like Tubbo is the one who died?

Because a friend did die in front of him, and the boy cries for that friendship that could never be.

********

"I love you."

Theo.

Tommy.

He says it and smiles, a hand in Phil's face, and praying to whatever god could hear that Wil and Techno were listening.

"I love you." I've always loved you but never told you.

He feels peace. A familiar voice calls his name.

"I love you..." There's a melody he can hear, and he follows.

********

Wilbur doesn't look at him, concentrating on his instrument, his fingers go through the chords letting go of different notes composing a soft melody.

Theo loves his music more every day.

Techno snores loudly as he snuggles closer to Phil, the avian hybrid closes his wings around him as he sleeps as well. He must be exhausted, he came back from his latest journey just this morning.

But now they're all there. His sons.

They rest against a big dragon that is curled up on the floor, her big and warm body making a pillow around them. Suddenly, Wilbur stops. "Come on, old man. You know this one." Brown eyes look at him with mischief as he plays a new melody.

Theo sits between them, a faint smile on him appears, Phil's head rests on his shoulder, Techno holds his hand, the breath of Clementine fills the room with warm air, and Wilbur's voice joins him.

"Little baby, our young Lady. My noble maiden fair."

—————

Yes, I'm dropping this on Mother's day and I don't regret it.

[thexfridax]

Translated interview

Love and let love

Pamela Jahn, in: ray Filmmagazin, October 2019

// Additions or clarifications for translating purposes are denoted as [T: …]. //

Céline Sciamma’s brilliant ‘Portrait of a Lady on Fire’ opens the Viennale 2019. A talk with the French director about her ambitions, love and why you can do without men in her film.

She likes to think of herself as film activist [T: also see here], and looking at her work confirms this. Céline Sciamma is a force in French cinema, but this hasn’t yet created a ripple effect internationally. After her coming-of-age trilogy (Water Lilies, Tomboy, Girlhood), the French director and screenwriter Céline Sciamma now created an elegant but also radical period film with Portrait of a Lady on Fire. [T: Partly omitted short description of film] The two women slowly get closer to each other, determination turns into restraint, curiosity into desire, and Sciamma’s great skill is in making the intimacy between the characters tangible in a very sensual manner. Her brilliance and experience in utilising the cinematic art of seduction of all kinds make this film special, and it opens up a new perspective on the art of looking and thinking.

Interviewer: Part of the fascination for this film is in the process of discovery, the way that we, the audience, slowly get to know the face, the body, and the gestures of Héloïse. How did you develop this process from your perspective as screenwriter and director?

Céline Sciamma: First of all, it took a long time to write this. I don’t actually mean the writing itself but rather dreaming about it. The idea for the film came right after Girlhood, about five years ago. But then I allowed myself to just daydream about it for two, three years, without writing anything down, apart from a couple of notes, a page here and there, where I tried to find the right balance between the different approaches that I had in mind for the film. On the one hand, there was the idea that you implied, developing a choreography of discovery to show how someone falls in love with another person, and at the same time accurately convey this process through cinema with all its possibilities, step by step. In other words, I was interested in the joy of discovery, but also in the delay and frustrations that might occur with this. On the other hand, I also wanted to show the progression of a love story, its past, its future, this epic period of time where everything seems possible. I wanted to make a film about the dialogue of love, about its philosophy and poetry. And this takes time, to find the necessary balance, but also to steer the film in a direction that seems radical enough to me. It was important for me to find the right structure, in order to both integrate the dialogue of love and dialogue of art. That was my task, my personal mission. I had the ambition to convey all these ideas without becoming too theoretical. The film should seem playful instead, be exciting and fun – fun while filming and watching.

I: Were you inspired by certain paintings for the aesthetics of the film?

CS: My cinematographer and I, we discussed the lighting and the framing for a long time, and at one point [T: she] said: ‘Okay, let’s do this, we won’t consciously set it up like a painting, but secretly we both know it’s exactly like that.’ This means we didn’t tell ourselves that the whole thing should look exactly like a painting by Georges de La Tour or whoever [T: also see here, a pipe and a candle, hmm]. Quite the opposite. Our references came primarily from cinema, especially when it was about lighting a film with candles. But we were of course aware that everyone would say afterwards that it looks like it was painted. Cinema is about similar things after all: It is about lighting, composition, faces and silhouettes. There were no real references to paintings apart from one, but it was rather anachronistic, because it wasn’t from the same period as the film was set in. However, we always had to think about [Jean-Baptiste-Camille] Corot, a French painter from the 19th century, who mostly painted landscapes. But he also did a few paintings of women, women in landscapes. And we were quite thrilled about the way that the light seems to radiate from the figures in his pictures [T: also see here]. The figures somehow illuminate the painting, and we worked hard to create a similar effect with the colours and the clothes of the characters. [T: Also see here for an in-depth article on the cinematography of the film]

I: What were your film references?

CS: Barry Lyndon had certainly the biggest influence, not only on me, but on cinema in general, when it comes to lighting a period film. It doesn’t mean that we should do exactly the same as Kubrick did. Barry Lyndon is a film with an incredible amount of ideas, which make you think, and it’s a film that gives you more courage in what you do. That means, instead of duplicating something it’s rather about developing a standard, which you don’t have to necessarily adopt, but you can work towards it. And for that we developed our own methods to create a certain mood and aesthetics. Just like Kubrick who invented a lot for his film. He even came up with his own lens, so that he can produce the atmosphere he wanted. We made things and thought about finding a way to manage without candles in the picture, which was decided very early on. [T: also see here, here or here for Barry Lyndon]

I: The setting plays an important role in both films, Kubrick’s and yours. It develops its own character, in a way.

CS: That’s true. The building where we filmed had an unbeatable advantage: It hadn’t really been touched for years. It’s an old suburban city hall in the municipality of La Chapelle-Gauthier, about 70 km from Paris [T: also see here, h/t @podcastofaladyonfire]. When we found it, [T: we] weren’t quite sure. It seemed like a place from another time. But as soon as we stepped into it, we knew how it was. We also knew that everything should remain as it was. That’s not very common, because it’s usually about reconstructing the period in a period film, in which the story is set, so that you achieve the highest possible degree of authenticity and truthfulness. Apart from that, I mostly made all of my films in the studio. The apartments, where my protagonists lived, were all recreated. And now I suddenly had to struggle with a fourth wall. It would have made more sense not to film on an original location. It’s a paradox, but I really like it.

I: You made another conscious decision, which was mostly excluding men from your film.

CS: Yes, that was already clear from the outset. It wasn’t like I only killed the men in the cutting room. The main reason for this was that I wanted to tell a love story that is lived. And I wanted to talk about the possibility of their love, not about the impossibility. If I had included men, then it wouldn’t have worked, because the limits of what is possible would have been all too visible. We are very familiar with these limitations and I think, we don’t have to constantly talk about them. I wanted to give these women the necessary space to express themselves and fully live out their love. In other words: I wanted to give them time to imagine what their lives could look like in a world where they don’t have to constantly assert themselves against men.

I: Especially against men that try to interfere with their love.

CS: Exactly. I consciously avoided this conflict. I also didn’t want the two of them to question whether their love story is really possible or not. But that is a question of dramaturgy, not of gender. For me, it was about telling the story in a way that gives them the greatest possible liberty, but which they don’t have in reality. This is not only an imagined liberty but a very tangible one. Fundamentally, it is just another way to point out the limitations that clearly exist for both women. It’s just that we don’t show [T: these limitations], because they are quite obvious. I had the feeling that both women couldn’t imagine another life. Why should I put them in a situation where they fight a battle they cannot win anyway?

I: It seems that going back to the 18th century gave you more liberty to tell the story.

CS: Yes, it really was a liberating process for me, too. A process that made me more courageous as director. Even though, my films were always strongly anchored in the presence, and were in that sense bold, because they were politically motivated. This time I wanted to go a step further, not least because it’s about a female artist at work. The film was meant to playfully deal with the theme, so that you also see my own love for cinema. This is why it seems so intimate at times. Not because I tell my personal story, but because I keep my work less under wraps, treat it less like a secret but reveal it more as a gift.

I: It’s interesting that you not only excluded men but also didn’t include music so much.

CS: That was also a choice that I made in the beginning, or rather had to, because it meant that I had to write the script with this [T: exclusion] in mind. It doesn’t mean that a film without music cannot be musical as well. But you write differently. And it means that you have to show a strong sense of rhythm on set. That wasn’t a problem for me, because I’m anyway obsessed with rhythm. Deciding against music wasn’t meant to be for the challenge, but I wanted to put the audience into a state, where art is also inaccessible to them. So that listening to music will also become precious. The film is about the relationship between art and love, and how important art is for our lives. Listening is therefore meant to become an organic experience. For me, it was about showing that you can reclaim cinema with the power of music [T: also listen to this or this… I have no regrets 😁]. If you really think about it: The piece by Vivaldi, which is in the film, is a hymn, but it’s also typical music when you’re put on hold. It was really exciting to create an atmosphere where you rediscover this piece, which you heard so many times, and in a completely different context and with a new image in mind [T: the most heartbreaking scene ever, here goes Vivaldi, also see here].

I: The last scene of the film is breathtaking. But I can also imagine that it was a huge effort for you as well as for Adèle Haenel to hold this shot for such a long time.

CS: To be honest, that was the most important and most difficult shot that I ever filmed. And with difficult I also mean technically, because you have to ensure that the focus is retained. The poor guy, who had to take care of that, was in a cold sweat during the entire take. It’s not Hollywood after all. This means, he had to sit on a small chair, which was attached to a self-made vehicle that a couple of other men had to slowly move across the room towards Adèle. Everything was extremely improvised. But that’s what cinema is also about: technique. You create something with whatever you have at your disposal, so that there is this brief magical moment on screen, which moves people.

I: Did you also know from the beginning that you wanted to conclude the film with this shot?

CS: Yes, it was the first image that I had in mind, when I started writing. It is one of those images that push you forward, when the doubts overwhelm you. And believe me, I gave up on this film more than once [T: 😱 😌]. But I always knew that if [T: the film came to life], then it should end like this. For me, this image represents a mix of joie de vivre and ancient dream [T: the text says ‘pures Leben’ or pure life, which has more of a positive connotation in German]. I can’t describe it any better. Perhaps it is the last secret that still remains for me.

—

Picture source: [1 / Julien Lienard/Contour by Getty Images]

[btsfan15]

Interview

Interviewer: I am here with the biggest K-Pop boy band in the world, BTS! And with their friend, Navya!

*everyone claps*

Interviewer: Thank you guys so much for coming.

RM: Of course.

Interviewer: Have a seat.

*everyone sits on the couch*

Me: Oh, there’s no more space for Jin.

Jin: Oh, that’s okay. I’ll just squeeze next to Navya.

*sits down next to me*

*everyone laughs*

Interviewer: Welcome, guys. So, what’s it like being popular all over the world with thousands of fans?

RM: It’s really amazing. ARMY is so nice and sweet to us and they’re always supporting us.

V: We want ARMY to be happy through our music, and we will be there for you, with love.

Interviewer: ARMY is very lucky to have you guys. You make such amazing music. There’s so much positivity that you guys and ARMY bring to the world. Why is this message important to you?

Jin: It’s all because of ARMYs. They always give us positive energies. 

Jungkook: ARMY! Thank you for all the love. We can’t wait to surprise ARMY with a great show and let’s get it!

Interviewer: How do you feel being on stage and performing at the AMA’s?

RM: Everything is surreal. *laughs*

Interviewer: The AMA's is well known as the most American and as one of the major awards along with Grammys and the Billboard. A singer having the presence and the invitation to perform at the AMA must be meaningful. I am sure there’s something more to it than “feeling unreal.” What else can you share with us?

J-Hope: I’ve grown up watching the AMA's on television. To be able to perform at the AMA's, especially in front of all our fans here, it definitely was an unbelievable experience. It was a great honor to be here and it’ll be great to have another chance to perform here at the AMA's, in front of our fans. I’d like to thank our fans again for their continuous love and support.

RM: As you mentioned, AMA's is the most American, yet one of the major awards. I also agree that AMA has a great reputation. We definitely felt throughout the process that AMA has put a great thought and consideration in inviting us to perform on stage, not just introducing as "some strange kids from Asia". AMA made us feel like we were part of the award ceremony in many ways, such as having the The Chainsmokers introduce us and in terms of the order of performances. We were the 16th out of the 17 performers, performing right before Diana Ross, who won AMA’s Lifetime Achievement Award. Many details that were prepared by the AMA's made us feel welcomed and we really felt that they prepared a lot for us, taking the time in getting to know us, as well as showing respect to us as artists.

Interviewer: Starting with the Billboard Award in May and now your presence at the AMA's show that BTS suddenly is on a continuous rise. How do you feel?

Jin: We only got our first big win at the Mnet Asian Music Award in Korea last year. We all hugged and cried. I still cannot believe one year has not yet passed since that day. Over the year, we won a Billboard award and performed on the AMA stage. We debuted four years ago, but so much has happened during these years. Events like winning the Billboard award and performing at the AMA's happened so fast.

RM: Twitter is our main social media platform and it is very easy for us to use. We had five million followers six months ago, but now we have over ten million followers. (BTS has around ten point three million followers, which is the greatest number of followers in Twitter's Korea accounts). We have used social media for five years, and suddenly the followers doubled within the span of less than six months. Also, the 'Billboard Hot 100 chart' is the chart that every artists in the world dreams of entering. (BTS's song DNA, released in September as title track of the new album, entered the chart on no. 85. It is the second time a Korean song entered the chart after Psy's Gangnam Style). To be able to debut on the AMA's is an honor that is totally surreal and all of this is 100% due to our fans who made it possible. We have never seen a such fandom before. *laughs* 

Interviewer: BTS has a lot of characteristics. One of them is that you pick a topic and create a series off of the topic such as 'School Trilogy' or the 'Youth Series'. In the process, the growing story of each BTS member becomes the core content. This correlates into the meaning that BTS's own growth is equivalent to BTS's musical content. Do you think that these stories matches the ones of your real life? And if yes, how much do they match up with your real life?

Suga: I cannot say that our lyrics are 100% based on our experiences. But our experiences are very well-embedded in the songs. We try to tell our generation's story through our songs.

RM: Our debut song was 'No More Dream'. If you listen that song, you realize the lyric "Hey, what is your dream?" keeps repeating through-out the song. At that time, my friends were about twenty years old and most of my friends were ones with no dreams. I was very angry and frustrated to see these friends because I just could not understand why they didn’t have any dreams. I tried to convey my emotion through the lyrics. In that way, our lyrics tell the life story of teenagers and now my peers. It makes them easy to listen and relate to. The song 'Danger' also expresses such hardships. However, when we released song 'I Need You', we got so many new fans. It seems they understood title of the song. *laughs*

Interviewer: Some people said that using social media is one of the reasons why you have succeeded. I wonder, what was your plan when you started making video content like the Bangtan Bombs?

Jin: With the Bangtan Bombs we take videos of our lives and upload them without any editing. When we shoot the videos, we try to do funny things. But we don't edit anything. Uploading videos weekly is really hard to do, so we try to keep the videos simple. But it seems that our fans really enjoy these uploads from our everyday life.

Suga: In the past, I did not like social media very much. When I started doing social media, I was afraid of the risks. But in doing it, I think that the most important thing is to show my natural self to the fans. Cool, cute and handsome looks can be seen on TV or other media, but the fans are curious about the rest. The Bangtan Bombs are closely related to our daily life and shows what's happening behind the surface. We really have befriended social media. We don't look at it like work at all. We just upload whenever we want. And the upload cycle is fast. Maybe this is why fans like our social media accounts.

Jimin: Fans say that we use social media a lot, but in fact, since we all use one account it seems like we use it more often. *laughs* This is one of the advantages of using one account all together.

Suga: If we use one account, we can be seen as a team so many more times over.

RM: These days, all of us do social media a lot. I think it is natural for us to do it, not as work but because we want to upload for our fans.

V: We have uploaded over one million posts on Twitter since our debut. So far, we have released over one hundred songs. Sometimes I look at our songs and melodies and feel regretful and ashamed. But at the time we did them, I sang them sincerely so I hope it was good enough.

Interviewer: Navya, do you have any social media?

Me: Yes, I do. I have Instagram, Twitter, TikTok, Pinterest, Tumblr, etc. I have a lot of social media. I have so many people following me on Instagram. Whenever I post a photo of me or with the other members, I get so many comments. *laughs* 

Interviewer: *laughs* Really? What kind of comments?

Me: I get so many saying “So pretty!” or “Love you!” or just emojis. *laughs*

Interviewer: What’s the most common comment you get?

Me: Um...it’s probably “You are so lucky!” or “I wish I was with them!” or “I wanna take a selfie with BTS!” *laughs*

*everyone laughs*

Interviewer: Wow, I guess you are really lucky to be living with BTS! All those fans out there are jealous of you!

Me: I guess I’m lucky, aren’t I? I’m famous all over the world! *laughs*

Interviewer: Yes, you are. So, what are the goals of each member?

Jin: I want to be happy. I do not have a huge life goal. I just wish that I can laugh and have a happy life like I do now.

Me: I want to make everyone happy. I want to laugh and have fun with everyone.

Jimin: I want to do well at what I am doing right now. I want to hear the fans say "you are doing well". My wish is that when I've grown up and look back at myself, I will be able to think I was really cool back then.

J-Hope: I want to release my mixtape. I'm ready now. I want to release it as soon as possible. It's not just a short mixtape, but on the level of a full album. After seeing RM and Suga release their mixtapes, I felt that I really wanted to make music with my own colors. I also want to study languages so that I can communicate with American and other foreign fans.

Jungkook: I want to do many things during this and next year. I want to write songs, improve my dancing and speak foreign languages well. The goal is not to be lazy, but to become a practitioner.

V: I want to add various charms and improve in more fields as an actor. I want to continue to study photography and take better pictures. As a singer, I want to become a more wonderful person as a member of BTS. I want to be someone that is doing a lot in many fields.

Suga: The final goal is that when the day comes for me to quit doing music, I want to leave when people still applaud. But I really hope that the departure will happen gradually. I've been playing music for quite some time now, but I hope I will get to do it far longer than the time I've been doing it so far. I do not know if it will be possible in reality, but I think that I want to leave music at a time when I'm still on top.

RM: Loving myself is my dream, but I don't know if I will achieve it before I die. *laughs*

Interviewer: Those are some good goals. Now I want to know: Do you guys date?

RM: We just wanna focus on our careers right now. We don’t usually have time to find that special someone. *laughs*

Me: I’ve always wondered what it’s like to date because when I was growing up, I wasn’t allowed to date. I would *laughs* always see everyone holding hands at school and I would get jealous, to be honest. *laughs* 

Interviewer: Well, you have multiple choices right here in this room, so take your pick! *laughs*

*everyone laughs*

Me: I don’t know about that. Everyone is busy with everything, so I’m gonna wait for sometime. I don’t want to stress anyone out.

Interviewer: Yeah, being an idol is hard. Okay, my next question is what’s your ideal type of girl or guy?

RM: A sexy girl who can converse with me for a long time with a nice voice, is appropriately tall, has pale skin, feminine Girl, looks good in a white T-shirt + Jeans + Red Converse High. Someone sexy, even to a brain. Someone that are thoughtful and confident.

Jin: Someone who's fun to be around. A soft-hearted girl who'd wear elegant make-up. A girl whose looks and personality is similar to that of a puppy, whose good at cooking, kind and takes good care of me. I want her to laugh at my jokes and play Mario games with me.

*everyone laughs*

Suga: A girl who has a peaceful manner, but also has a great sense of humor. I don’t laugh very much, so I think that she can make me laugh on a regular basis is very appealing to me.

J-Hope: I like a girl that wears feminine clothes but not too fancy because I think  most important thing is to wear clothes that suit your body. I like girls that are interested in books, good at not only taking care of me but also others, besides I would like to have a girl that is very supportive of me.

Jimin: I want a girl who truly loves me and gives me all the love I want. She has to be smaller than me and is caring, cute, loves sharing, and has a big heart. She has to love to cuddle, too.

V: I want a girlfriend who’s kind and compassionate. I want her to be healthy mentally. Even better if she talks nicely too. It doesn’t matter if she’s not beautiful. But everyone says let’s wait and see how my future girlfriend looks like, I’m curious too.

Jungkook: I like a girl who’s intelligent, talented, and competitive. I want her to be older than me and I want her to be a gamer girl to impress me with her talents and not be afraid to show off her strong points.

Me: I like a guy who’s sweet to my friends and gives me lots of love and cuddles. I want him to teach me how to cook something cause I don’t know how to cook a proper meal. *laughs* I want him to play Mario video games with me and make jokes to make me laugh. He has to be cute and handsome, too. 

Interviewer: Hey, that sounds like Jin! Looks like we got a match, everyone! 

*everyone laughs*

Me: I don’t think we’re ready for that yet.

Interviewer: Do the members always tease you?

Me: Oh my god, yes they do! Especially about Jin. Whenever Jin and I are together, they say stuff like “You both look like a couple’ or “You two should date since you both hang out so much.” 

Jin: Even for me, too! I always get mad at them and have to scold them!

RM: It’s true. He actually gets mad at us.

Suga: Jin always talks fast whenever he’s mad at us about something.

Me: Yeah, that happens a lot. I always crack up laughing. We all do, in fact.

Interviewer: Really? It must be very embarrassing. 

Me: Yes, it is very embarrassing. Every time they do something like this, me and Jin are like “When are they gonna stop doing this” or “How long are they gonna keep this up?”

Jin: But they keep on assuming these things about us, but we just go with it.

Interviewer: My next question for you guys is what are your favorite songs?

RM: My favorite songs are ‘Panini’ by Lil Nas X and ‘Super Rich Kids’ by Frank Ocean.

Jin: Mine is ‘Senorita’ by Camila Cabello and Shawn Mendes and the remix of “Despacito” performed by Luis Fonsi, Justin Bieber, and Daddy Yankee.

Suga: ‘Loco’ by Mustard and ‘Summer Story’ by DJ Doc.

J-Hope: I like ‘The Big Day’ by Chance The Rapper and ‘Beauty and a Beat’ by Justin Bieber and Nicki Minaj.

Jimin: My favorites are ‘Goodbye Days’ by Yui and ‘Love Song’ by Sara Bareilles.

V: My favorite songs are ‘Floor Seats’ by A$AP Ferg and ‘Blue Room’ by Chet Baker.

Jungkook: I really love one of our songs, ‘Mikrokosmos’ and I also love ‘Just Hold On’ by Steve Aoki with Louis Tomlinson.

Me: I love ‘Handclap’ by Fitz and the Tantrums and ‘War of Hormone’ by BTS. 

Interviewer: All great songs. I have another question for you guys: Have their been any embarrassing moments before?

RM: Um, I think there’s one between Navya and Jin.

Interviewer: Oh really? Can we hear about it?

Jin: Um, it’s kind of embarrassing, but I’ll tell it. So, one day, me and Suga’s dorm door wasn’t working. If we closed it, then we couldn’t get in. The person on the outside has to open it. Anyway, we both didn’t know what to do, so Suga went to call the other members to see if they could fix it. I waited in the dorm for him, but it took a while, so I called Navya to see if she could fix it. She came over and I told her what the problem was. She came in the room and guess what happened? Navya locked the door.

Interviewer: Oh no! Then what happened?

Me: I didn’t know the door would get locked. We both tried to pull the door open, but it wouldn’t open. So, we were both stuck in there for a while. Who knows how long. *laughs*

Interviewer: What did you guys do in there?

Me: We just talked and laughed. I mean, we WERE in a bedroom, so I don’t really know what happened...*smiles*

*everyone looks at me*

Me: I’m just joking. All we did was talk and laugh. Jin told me a lot of jokes. I cracked up so hard.

Jin: Yeah, I did. I have so many in mind right now.

Me: I laughed so hard that my stomach was hurting. I almost died.

*everyone laughs*

Interviewer: That does sound fun. How did you both get out?

Jin: Suga got us out. He found the members and brought them to our dorm room. Me and Navya were both relived that we got out. 

Me: The funny part was that Suga was so confused about what happened. *laughs* We both laughed and explained what happened. 

Jin: We were still laughing after that. *laughs* We also told the other members what happened.

Interviewer: Well, that was an amazing story! Did the door get fixed?

Suga: Yes, it did. It won’t lock again from the inside. I think Navya’s gonna be careful next time. *laughs*

Me: I sure will. I probably should ask one of you if I can close the door. *laughs*

Interviewer: That was an amazing story, but I thought it was an embarrassing story.

Jin: After we got the door fixed, the embarrassing things started happening. At dinner that same day, the guys kept on nagging me and Navya about what happened. They kept on asking what we did in the room while it was locked.

Me: Jin and I were so embarrassed. We both said that we both talked and laughed, but they kept on suspecting that something else happened.

Jin: Now, that I think about, I think there was something else. I can’t remember.

Me: Me neither. *remembers* Oh, I remember what it was! 

RM: What?

Me: Jin and I both fell asleep on the bed. 

Everyone: Ohhhhh!

Jin: Oh yeah, now I remember. 

Interviewer: How did you both fall asleep?

Me: I guess we were both laughing so much that we were both tired and fell asleep. 

Jimin: I knew there was something else!

V: We keep on saying it, but they just won’t admit it.

Jungkook: Admit what?

J-Hope: That they make a perfect match. 

Suga: They would make a perfect couple. Just imagine.

Jin: *embarrassed and blushing* Ah, Yoongi...

Me: *embarrassed* I seriously don’t even know how long this is gonna go.

RM: Jin’s embarrassed! His face, neck, and ears are red!

Jungkook: They are!

*members start teasing Jin by poking him*

Me: *giggles* Okay, guys. Stop teasing Jin. 

Interviewer: *laughs* Well, it might happen in the future. Who knows? Well, thank you guys for taking the time to chat with us today! I had an awesome time!

RM: Thank you! For having us! We all had a great time! 

Interviewer: *looks at the camera* ARMY, know that BTS is there for you whenever you need it and stay tuned for more awesome music!

Us: Bye! 

Me: Saranghae! Annyeong! 

Jimin: We love, ARMY!

Jin: Since I can’t blow a kiss for you in person, I’ll just do it to the camera. *blows a flying kiss to the camera*

*everyone laughs*

I hope you guys enjoyed the story! 

[behrooz-musigns]

+ Innovative, warm, witty, kind, protective, geeky +/- Intellectual, observant, horny - impatient, unreliable, outspoken, easily distracted

++ BASIC INFORMATION

FULL NAME: Behrooz Hakim Najm PRONUNCIATION: Beh-roes MEANING: Lucky ZODIAC: Pisces ROMANTIC ORIENTATION: Bi SEXUAL ORIENTATION: Poly CURRENT LOCATION: Epineios OCCUPATION: Student, IT

++ BIOGRAPHY

Behrooz personally invented the saying ‘I guess luck is just on my side’, or so they would have everyone in their school believe when they got another high score in one of the games they played in the back of the school. They would do guessing games, with people asking them a number which they had written down, and Behrooz would always guess right. 

Sadly luck rarely followed them home. They were raised by their grandmother, who forbade them to hang out after school, and certainly ensured they would never be seen hanging out with girls on their own. She would remind them time and time again of their father, a gambler who had made it big winning game after game, then one day showed up with a baby, only to drink himself to death a year later. She would remind them that they were the family’s burden, and they would have to behave in order to not bring another burden upon them. 

And as they grew older, luck left them more and more often. Being a practicing Muslim was already a hard sell, but with the world growing more extreme around them, they found the community stifle their ambitions daily. It confused Behrooz that while their religion gave them anxiety, praying chased the demons away. It was almost as if they couldn’t have the one without the other. 

Life was a constant . Bad people walking in and out of their life, bullies, racist teachers, judgemental neighbors, judgemental extended family members. Behrooz tended to lock themselves up in their room every day, listening to music or playing games of chance. A knot seemed to live inside their stomach all the time, a fear of being plucked off of the street and never arriving home. 

When that actually happened, it wasn’t like they had imagined. 

Being mostly interested in digits, numbers, code, etc. Behrooz hadn’t paid much attention to history class when Ancient Greek and Ancient Rome were being discussed, and as they saw a creepy creature with goat legs walk up to them, they really wished they had. There was a whole speech about being in mortal danger, gods, strange creatures on the loose, yada yada. Behrooz had a headache by the time the goat legged creature told them to follow him. Very close to sparking some lie about soccer practice or prayers, their head snapped back to attention when the creature suggested they had a mother who was a God. 

The only thing driving them forward was the possibility of learning who their mother was, something in their brain sending out constant messages of: gotta meet mom, gotta meet mom, gotta meet mom. Rather than forming coherent sentences. They disappeared into some cleared out old train tunnel, and emerged on the other side of the bleedin’ ocean. All Behrooz knew to say was: “thought your accent sounded funny.” Before being swarmed by the strangest assortment of kids, some younger than their fourteen years, others older, everyone excited. Was this the right time to say they were Muslim and watch everyone slowly disappear like they had done back in school? 

Nobody really seemed to care however, over the years - in which they discovered their godly parent, never got to meet her, discovered she was probably the most difficult goddess to find, got a large portion of the camp to join them during Ramadan - Behrooz stayed at the Camp the whole year round. They didn’t wish to return to the UK, and followed online lessons to keep up with their education. Of course they were bleedin’ lucky, and with time they learned how to use that luck to their advantage, and to that of those around them. Yet, Behrooz started to appreciate the balance of it all, the bad and the good. 

To them, code was good. Watching others struggle with programs and computers, just made them more interested in it. Algorithms fascinated them, they could spend hours looking at code trying to figure out how it worked. When the time came for them to move out of the warm nest of Camp Half Blood, Behrooz had already set their sights on studying Programming at the University of New York. 

++ HEADCANONS

++ Horny as hell, and often very lucky in love, although they can never seem to hold on to anyone for long. 

++ A skilled programmer with a love for code and numbers and digits. They can stay up nights on end trying to figure out some new program or write an algorithm of their own.

++ Despite their interests in the digital, Bez spends most of their time outside if they can help it. They love forests, trees, the fresh air. They take walks a lot, driving the metro to the park and helping themselves to a huge thermos of coffee. 

++ Religion is an important part of their life, without it they would be nowhere. Whenever they feel lost or anxious, they tend to be eager for it to be time to pray, something they do five times a day. 

++ They’ve read the Quran, although their grandmother never taught them Arabic beforehand, so they’re currently reading it in English in between classes, thesis writing, and walks. 

++ Bez is a very kind individual, who will help others whenever they can - mostly with IT stuff. As a job, or a way to get money mostly, they help teachers or partake in arranging anything that needs a programmer. They’re a regular Upwork user. 

++ In fights Bez uses their ability to generate luck to get other Demigods out of trouble and make the damage less. 

++ They love bunk beds.

++ Wears very loose-fitting clothing. 

++ Drinks way too much coffee and black tea. 

++ Doesn’t like it when people constantly nag.

++ Extremely messy, will end up finding coffee mugs everywhere. 

++ Is always running from one place to the next because he has too much planned on a daily basis. 

++ SKILLS & ABILITIES

PHYSICAL STRENGTH: Above average  OFFENSE: Lacking  DEFENSE: Main attribute  SPEED: Above average  INTELLIGENCE: High ACCURACY: Descent AGILITY: Good STAMINA: Fine  TEAMWORK: Speciality  TALENTS: Luck manipulation SHORTCOMINGS: Easily distracted, no overview LANGUAGE(S) SPOKEN: English  DRIVE?: yes  JUMP-STAR A CAR?: not really  CHANGE A FLAT TIRE?: absolutely not  RIDE A BICYCLE?: absolutely  SWIM?: decently PLAY AN INSTRUMENT?: piano and guitar  PLAY CHESS?: no  BRAID HAIR?: one day maybe  TIE A TIE?: yes  PICK A LOCK?: yes

++ PHYSICAL APPEARANCE & CHARACTERISTICS

FACE CLAIM: Viveik Kalra  EYE COLOR: brown  HAIR COLOR: brown  HAIR TYPE/STYLE: semi-long, wavy, thick GLASSES/CONTACTS?: no  DOMINANT HAND: right  HEIGHT: 1.75m WEIGHT: 65kg  BUILD: lean  EXERCISE HABITS: jogging in the morning, some sparring during the weekend  SKIN TONE: brown  TATTOOS: none  PIERCINGS: none  MARKS/SCARS: none  NOTABLE FEATURES: three-day beard on account of forgetting to shave  USUAL EXPRESSION: concentrated or dreamlike  CLOTHING STYLE: loose clothing, soft fabric.  JEWELRY: two rings on their right hand  ALLERGIES: incense

++ PSYCHOLOGY

MORAL ALIGNMENT: Chaotic Neutral ELEMENT: earth MENTAL CONDITIONS/DISORDERS: Dyslexia, slight ADHD  SOCIABILITY: normal  EMOTIONAL STABILITY: average, let’s not talk about it.  OBSESSION(S): code  COMPULSION(S): gambling, drinking coffee and forgetting coffee, hyper-focus PHOBIA(S): fear of people being Islamphobic  ADDICTION(S): caffeine DRUG USE: none  ALCOHOL USE: none PRONE TO VIOLENCE?: no

++ MANNERISMS

SPEECH STYLE: quick, active, excited  ACCENT: London British  QUIRKS: licks teeth, uses swear words HOBBIES: coding, walking, jogging, drinking coffee, is Starbucks a hobby?  HABITS: forgetting to sleep, running from place to place  NERVOUS TICKS: tapping feet, sighing a lot DRIVES/MOTIVATIONS: meeting their mom, finishing their education  FEARS:  fear of being neglected or ignored SENSE OF HUMOR: yes, mostly dark British humor. DO THEY CURSE OFTEN?: a lot, though they use ‘bleedin’’ and several other more British less terrible words.  CATCHPHRASE(S): “must be my lucky day” “I was born lucky”

++ FAVORITES

ACTIVITY: walking/hiking in the forest ANIMAL: raven BEVERAGE: coffee  BOOK: Thief Lord by Cassandra Clarke CELEBRITY: Tom Hanks  COLOR: Green DESIGNER: ??  FOOD: Sharma FLOWER: Lotus  GEM: Emerald  HOLIDAY: Eid al-Fitr  MODE OF TRANSPORTATION: Bike  MOVIE: The Internship  MUSICAL ARTIST: Sigur Ros QUOTE/SAYING: “No person knows what he will earn tomorrow”  SCENERY: forests  SCENT: freshly grinded coffee  SPORT: soccer SPORTS TEAM: Manchester united  TELEVISION SHOW: I, Robot  WEATHER: overcast and drizzly VACATION DESTINATION: -

++ ATTITUDES

GREATEST DREAM: to create their own algorithm that can help people choose what they want the most  GREATEST FEAR: being targeted or discriminated based on their religion  MOST AT EASE WHEN: at home, in their bed, with coffee, coding, or hiking in the forest, or at a mosque praying  LEAST AT EASE WHEN: in a crowded place, discussing religion  WORST POSSIBLE THING THAT COULD HAPPEN: being killed before finishing their degree  BIGGEST ACHIEVEMENT: getting a scholarship on luck alone  BIGGEST REGRET: never having known their father MOST EMBARRASSING MOMENT: grabbing a girl by her boobs in a hug from behind by accident  BIGGEST SECRET: sometimes wishes they weren’t born a Demi-god.   TOP PRIORITIES: finishing their thesis

[bleached-d-soul]

Size Queen Not

(A commission for the friend of my good friend @the-wayward-arc)

Schnees got whatever they wanted.

It wasn’t a rule. It wasn’t a creed either.

No, the Schnees getting their hands on whatever their hearts desired was a simple matter of fact. A law of nature, if you will. If they wanted a newer and bigger mansion, they would get it. If they wanted best training and education, they would buy it as well. What money couldn’t buy, they would simply get it through their connections. And if those failed, then the Schnees would just have to get their hands dirty.

Just because they were rich, that didn’t mean that they lacked power or determination to achieve their goals. After all, her grandfather was of humble origin who built the world’s greatest empire solely through his sheer effort and skill. The same qualities that were in her blood, after all.

No matter what it was, a true Schnee would never settle for anything less than perfection because a Schnee simply deserved only that of the highest quality.

Which is why Jaune Arc would never cut it as her boyfriend.

“Oh come on, Snow Angel, why won’t you give me a chance? Just one?” Jaune Arc smiled and bowed in a manner he thought elegant or charming. Which it was not. “I promise you, one date and I will never bother you again?”

It wasn’t the first time Jaune tried asking her out. Not that she could blame him. Weiss knew her value and understood why she attracted many guys\ and some girls’s interest. The difference between those people and Jaune was simply the fact that the former understood that they shouldn’t even try approaching her. A simple conclusion for anyone with a good enough brain.

Which Jaune Arc, to her own frustration, lacked.

In addition to his clear lack of common sense, he wasn’t as strong or as skilled as she wanted her lover to be. He certainly lacked the wit and charisma as well. But those flaws, along with his poor taste in clothes, music and hobbies, were mostly ignorable or fixable. Give her time and opportunity, she could mold Jaune into the perfect man for herself. No, what most certainly excluded him from her list of potential relationship candidates was a simple irredeemable fact.

Jaune Arc was simply not a man enough.

“And why would I even bother with a pencil-dick like you?”

Perhaps, she could have - should have - not phrased it so crudely. Especially with how the whole cafeteria fell silent the very next moment, save for a couple of people laughing or jeering at the boy’s expense. She could feel the attention of everyone on her and Jaune but didn’t let herself be bothered by it. She was a Schnee. And a Schnee always stuck to their words and actions.

No matter who and how much got hurt.

“Look, Jaune, I am sure there is a girl who might actually be satisfied by you, I really am. I just don’t think I am that girl.”

More quiet laughter and insults were thrown his way. Not that Weiss cared or even considered. She was already fed up with Jaune’s pathetic attempts at flirting so much that another one would end with him meeting a very sad and bloody death.

Of course, it was not his fault he was born with a small dick that could never properly satisfy her. Honestly, she kind of felt bad for him and whichever poor girl hooked up with him. But she didn’t feel nearly bad enough to even entertain the thought of dating him let alone having sex with him. She would never risk her own happiness or satisfaction out of something as dumb as pity or sympathy.

“Do you get it now?”

He was silent. When he spoke, his voice was trembling.

“I get it, Weiss,” the blonde cast his gaze down on the floor. After saying that, he looked up looking so sad and yet hopeful. “I am really glad you-”

Whatever he had to say, she didn’t have any time or desire to hear and promptly returned to her breakfast. She wouldn’t let him worm his way into her graces with his sad eyes and pitiful face. She didn’t care for the similarly pitiful looks his or her own teammates threw he way either. And honestly, why would she? Would any of them settle for a guy who couldn’t keep up with you out of pity? What kind of relationship would that be?

Which is why Weiss, without any shred of regret, just got back to her lunch.

“You know, maybe you were too harsh on the poor guy, Weiss,” Yang said, without a small hint of awkward attempt at a joke. “ I mean, you didn’t have to go and bite his head off like that.”

“And in front of everyone like that,” Ruby chiped in.

She wouldn’t have any of that.

“I have already given him enough hints to get that I am not interested, haven’t I?” when there was no answer, she smirked victoriously at another agument won. “It’s his fault for not getting a message before the situation came to this.”

Judging by the frowns and small scoffs, her team didn’t agree with her. Not that it mattered. In time, they would see things her way and understand that she was in the right. After all, a Schnee never made a mistake.

And Weiss was a Schnee to the brain of her bone.

_______________________________________________________

That time passed and the day she rejected Jaune became one of distant memory. She was only thankful to whoever was up there that the harsh rejection seemed to work on the blonde buffoon. Not a single confession or embarrassing display in weeks was the development she desired, deserved and finally got. Especially now that she had a prime beefcake like Neptune making not so subtle attempts to gain her attention.

You see, as unpleasant as sterotypes were, some of them were true. Atlas and Vale men were rumored and often proved true to lack when it came to the sexual prowess. She wasn’t quire sure why but that hardly mattered. On ther other hand, people of Mistral and Vacuo were well-known for their exploits as lovers. Mistralian men were known as passionate and insatiable lovers, their exploites immortalized in countless works of Remnant’s best artists. And people of Vacuo had to establish official polygamy system simply because of how many women found them dissatisfied with their Kingdoms’ men after once tasting the love of the Vacuoans.

Why, she knew that mom didn’t hire those Vacuo guys to be her coaches for their experience and skills. And it’s not like Winter loved to take vacations on Mistralian beaches out of her love for hot sand and salty water.

When it came to her family, Weiss knew fully well of how her parents’ married life was less than perfect and how neglected she and Winter grew up as a result of it. She doubted anyone didn’t see that.

It was evident from all the silent treatments and passive-aggressive quarrels she was a witness for for as long as she can remember. It was only a couple of years back when she saw just what all those well-built faunus came to meet her mom for that she realized that Jacques not only was a poor father and husband but also complete waste of a human in bed.

Which is why Weiss promised herself that not only she would find and claim the biggest roughest guy she could find, but also that she would never ignore her own happiness for the sake of others.

And boy did she score with Neptune!

Neptune had it all. He was smart, unlike Jaune. He had charisma and wit, something that the blonde lacked. He was a proper fighter with amazing weapon and on-field experience, which couldn’t be said about Arc. And he was from Mistral, while Jaune was from Vale. Full marks in every category!

Of course, that didn’t guarantee tthat she would choose him as her boyfriend. No, she was not that easy. First he had to prove he could be an adequate partner outside their bedroom. Movie dates, restaurant dinners, picnics in the park and all of that other chick flick stuff. So far, Neptune did quite well on all of those. He treated her properly like a lady such as her deserved.

And soon he would fuck her like a Size Queen slut like her desired. And by soon, of course, she meant today’s date. She finally decided that Neptune was worthy of fucking her. After a nice dinner, she would lead him into the hotel room she had already booked and would finally enjoy the cock she rightfully deserved. And Neptune? He would finally enjoy the woman who can take his full length and vigor. And come tomorrow, they would-

“Hey, Schnee, got a minute?”

Weiss huffed as her thought process was interrupted. She looked around the locker room only to find herself alone with Vernal Wennbar, a major troublemaker and a lout in general. Just what could an exchange student possibly have to say to her other than try and bully her into her little servant again? “What is it, Vernal? I am in a hurry so you better not be wasting my time.”

Something was different from normal, that much Weiss gathered from how wide and smug the tomboy girl grinned. No scowling or snapping or growling, just a self-satisfied smile that only one who had complete upper ground could have.

“Oh, don’t worry, I just really wanted to thank you for tearing that Arc hunk a new one. You did all of us girls a major favour with that.”

Weiss smiled at the praise, enjoying another confidence boost. Then again, of course, she was right about Jaune and, therefore, in her actions against him. No doubt that many girls found his lousy courting attempts as frustrating and pathetic as she did. Hell, she could even imagine Jaune seeking pity sex from some of them only to be turned down once the girls saw how inadequate he was.

“You and the other girls are most welcome,” she let her pride be shown with a big smile. “Hope he doesn’t bother anyone anymore.”

“Heh, I would say it is the opposite.”

Excuse her?

“Whatever do you mean?”

Vernal smiled, this time less like a self-satisfied school girl and more like thief who showed off the stolen loot.

“Oh, you know, after your rejection, a couple of girls around here got curious over just how little the little boy blonde was. So they snuck into the shower room after the combat class with their phones ready for grade-A prank…” the girl drew out her scroll and showed the picture of the team NDGO. “You could say they got exactly what they wanted… And definitely more than they could take.”

Weiss stared at the picture of four girls before her, not quite able to make out their faces at first. The quality of the picture was perfect, but it was just how white and messy their faces were that made telling them apart difficult. Nebula - if she remembered right - was the one holding the camera and the one who looked the least fucked of the four. The others? Eyes rolled and tongues out, faces covered in thick white cream of semen, her teammates looked less like huntresses and more alike a well-used fuckdolls.

Which, Weiss suspected, was exactly how they got treated.

But the true star of the picture were not the girls in it or how well-fucked they were. No, instead, Weiss’ eyes were drawn to the thick fat piece of manmeat that all four girls rested their heads next to. Covered in lipsticks marks and girls’ juices, the hot rod of the thickest flesh she had ever seen was just as hard and big as she imagined a perfect Alpha cock to be. And that was after thoroughly dominating these four girls? Who? Who did it belong to?

It certainly couldn’t have been Jaune Arc.

“You are dripping, Schnee,” Vernal chuckled and Weiss noticed just how damp her panties got, the thick sticky juices running down her thighs without shame. “Not gonna blame you though, I fucked myself stupid with one of my toys the first time I saw it. Not that I could ever go back to those after tasting the real deal.”

With a swipe of a finger, the picture changed to the new one. This one showing off Vernal in all her fucked stupid glory. Whereas the picture before showed off only the faces of girls, this one showed exactly just how thoroughly this person had fucked the girl. Her neck and thighs were covered in raw savage bite marks. Her body was flush, the burning red hand marks all over her body. Even though it was no video, Weiss could swear she could see the twitching and convulsions of the girl’s body.

“You can’t see it here, but the guy made sure to really stretch me out down there,” Vernal sighed, her body shaking momentarily as she seemingly relived the fateful night. “I mean, I had my fair share of guys, but this one? This one is definitely a keeper. Only problem is there is very wild competition for him now. Rumor is, even Goodwitch is after him what with the sudden extra classes she assigned him.”

She wouldn’t be surprised if every woman was after someone with that meatstick between their legs. Just who the fuck was it? She saw the blonde pubic hair so it had to be a blonde. There were quite a lot of guys with hair like that. The first one who came to her mind Neptune’s teammate, Sun. Then again, the chances that she knew someone that hung were minimal.

“Vernal, I will seriously pay you if you tell me the identity of this man right now,” she presented her credit card. “Just name the price and the name.”

“I already told you, didn’t I? This is the Tiny Dick Arc you blew off a couple of weeks ago.”

Weiss growled. Impossible. Simply impossible! “Cut the bullshit already! There is no way this far hot thing belongs to Jaune Arc of all people!”

There was no way this was true. Absolutely, no fucking way Jaune was actually this hung and she rejected him. It was just some messed up and very unfunny prank from Vernal. Just an annoying attempt to get under her skin.

And by Gods did it work.

“Do you think I am stupid or something?”

Vernal chuckled, “Well~ You did turn the boy down before even seeing what he had to offer. And in such a public and humiliating manner to boot! No way he is fucking your brains out now. And now as all the girls are getting some of that as hard and as much as their bodies can take, you here are chasing after that Blueberry of yours. So yeah, I think you are pretty stupid.”

Weiss was about to argue when the other girl’s phone buzzed with new message.

“Oh look, here comes the one with the face in it!”

Weiss felt her legs grow weak as she recognized not just one but all three faces on the picture. Jaune looked unusually smug, a far cry from the awkward jibbering mess she usually talked to and saw. Meanwhile, Blake and Ruby, with looks of pure ecstasy and lack of regrets, seemingly stared her down from the other side of the screen. No,,, This couldn’t be happening…

Someone had to wake her up from this nightmare.

“Welp, my job here is done,” Vernal smirked as she sent Weiss an invite to some chat. “Just so you could see what the rest of the girls have to say about the blondie. Take care, Snow Angel~!”

As Vernal left, Weiss stared down at the invite to the chat group. Was it all true? If she accepted this invite, would she really see the countless girls who tasted that delicacy of a meat rod? Worse yet, would it actually prove that Jaune was the one giving it out to every single willing girl on campus?

With shaking finger, Weiss tapped on the invite button.

Two minutes in, she was rubbing herself stupid on the cold wet floor.

_____________________________________________________

“And then he just went at it like a beast~! Gods, you should have been there, girls. I thought all of you were exaggerating when you said he could do it for hours, but boy was I wrong!” Coco sighed dreamily as she showcased her cum-stained sweater and jeans. “Normally, I would skin the guy for ruining my clothes buuuut… He was all worth it~!”

“And then BAM! He goes all ten inches down my throat!” Neon laughed hoarsely. “I would say more but it reaaally hurts to talk right now.”

“I swear I never saw Arslan look like that!” Reese grinned as she sat next to the unconscious lioness huntress. “Just look at this stupid smile of hers! Jaune must have fucked her brains out with that dick of his!”

More and more, Weiss watched with growing frustration as the girls sang praises about that blonde doofus. It wouldn’t be so bad if it were not for the seemingly endless stream of pictures and videos.

Coco was fucked dressed up as a slutty nurse, whore of a cop, horny teacher and even some superheroine based on squirrels. Needless to say, none of her outfits survived the blonde and his bestial passion as he tore her clothes off reducing them to nothing but rags.

Neon’s makeup was a mess but the rough throatfucking seemingly made up for it without any problem. Between moments of breathing and rest, she made sure to mock and ridicule Jaune with petty insults only to be silenced once more and fucked even more mercilessly.

Arslan let out the string of curses, swearing her mind off as Jaune plowed her tight ass while Reese was furiously rubbing herself against his leg like a bitch in heat. Once he came inside the poor lioness, the lime-haired thrill seeker pounced on her teammate. As she started eating out her friend, Reese eagerly shook her ass in a desperate attempt to get Jaune to fuck her too.

Those girls Emerald and Cinder looked to be in complete and utter bliss as they services Jaune’s enormous cock. While Emerald was dutifully polishing his loaded nutsack, Cinder passionately bobbed her head up and down the blonde’s thick shaft.

May Zedong, bound and gagged, was taking the roughest anal pounding. While the two girls - twins that Weiss had never seen before - were begging for Jaune to do them next. As the video later showed, he did so until the two were so drunk on his cum they actually started making out with each other!

Even the rumor about Professor Goodwitch was true! Reduced to a pathetic display so unlike herself, their professor was on all fours with her own pointer stuck in her asshole as she begged for her Master to come and breed her!

And no matter what video she watched it, it all ended with the girls fucked into sweet submission as they all but worshipped Jaune after that. Even worse, the entire chat was filled with the girls thanking Weiss for starting it all.

What pissed her off even more was her inability to stop fucking herself to those videos!

“Oh God… Gods above…!” Weiss bit her lip as she drove her largest dildo inside her tight dripping pussy. Back and forth, she thrusted it with all the speed and strength her arms allowed. “I am cumming! Cumming~!”

With a loud whine, she squirted again, her juices spraying all over her bed. Her bedsheets were as drenched in her essence by now, but she couldn’t stop. With every single video she watched, she found herself in less and less control of her body.

“Nghhh,” she let out another shaky breath as she lost any strength. Her legs were jelly and her mind was a mash. She needed a real dick… A proper hard and hot cock to violate her pussy and ass… “D-Damn it…”

She needed a cock. She needed a cock in her little needy pussy. She needed someone to fuck her into a bloody mess!

Her phone buzzed with a sudden voice mail.

“Hey, Snow Angel! It’s me, Neptune. I wanted to ask if you wanted to go out for some Mistralian cuisine? There is this new place I found and I thought we should check it out. What do you say?”

Weiss’ mood brightened. Yes, this was her way out of this desperate state. Sure, she would have to break a few of her own rules but by Gods she was getting laid. Neptune and her would go on a lovely date in a good restaurant. Have a magical romantic evening. And then he would throw her down and show what a real man was like in bed. Heh, she was sure that Neptune was even bigger than Jaune!

“Meet you at six!”

And after that, she would post all the pictures and videos she wanted in this godforsaken chat. And then she would show all these stupid girls how pathetic they were for running after Jaune Arc while she snatched the prime-class meatstick for herself and only for herself. No one would doubt her judgement again. No silly slut would condescend to her again. And then…

The world would be right as it should be: Herself a winner and others losers.

___________________________________________________________

“You are in a really good mood today! Something great happened to you?”

Weiss laughed lightly at his joke, enjoying their nice little walk from the restaurant. Everything was going according to her plans. A romantic movie that didn’t shy away from nudity and slow sensual sex scene. A candlelit dinner with the food pakced full of ingredients to leave them both filled with unreleased libido and enough hunger for each other.

And now, to top it all off, they were at Crimson Crest.

The establishment was one of infamous reputation among those who lived an active and very… passionate lifestyle. Most people only knew this place as very eccentric BnB place or a ridiculously expensive diner. But Weiss, thanks to her connections, was very much aware of the true reason why people came here.

Crimson Crest was, crudely put, the Heaven for the Depraved.

All the comforts and toys and tools to enjoy the experience with your partner or partners to the fullest. And, of course, absolute secrecy. While she planned on sendind the proof of her superiority to the girls, it was her right to do so. Not some sleazy receptionist’s.

“Oh, Weiss and Neptune? What are you guys doing here?”

For a moment, Weiss’ heart skipped a beat as she recognized the voice. What was she doing here?

“Yang,” Weiss said, not hiding her lack of enthusiasm. She had no quarrel with the blonde but she wanted to get to fucking Neptune as soon as possible and idle chat was not worth wasting time on. “As you can see, Neptune and I are on a date. Why are you here though?”

“Weiss? Neptune?”

The answer came from the behind them, in the form of an awkward-looking Jaune. The second their eyes met, the awkwardness was pushed back and replaced by the well-rehearsed confidence in the eyes of the blonde. He was putting on act - trying to look much calmer and stronger than he really was. Was it an attempt to not show weakness in front of her after the rejection?

Before either her or him could speak, Yang skipped over to Jaune and wrapped her arms around his, resting her head on his shoulder. The eager and smug grin she wore only pissed Weiss off more for some reason. “It was nice to chat, Weiss. But I think Jaune and I should continue on witt our date, right, Jaune?”

“R-Right.”

And so the two left upstairs, no doubt to add another video into the already enromous archive on the damned chat of theirs. Weiss growled as she watched Xiao Long sway her hips, shamelessly showing off her ass. She grew even more annoyed when she noticed the mezmerized look on her date’s face as he watched the two blondes walk away. Damn it, if he wanted to watch them so much…

Weiss had an idea.

“Sir?” she turned to the receptionist, flashing her platinum card. “Care to tell where that couple is staying?”

While the others would have to watch from the screens, Weiss would make sure Xiao Long got a live performance of a true Alpha Stud and Size Queen.

__________________________________________________________

Jaune couldn’t believe how much his life had changed in the past few weeks.

When he first came to Beacon, getting a girlfriend was more of a dream than a feasible goal. Being who he was, he was far more concerned with surviving the experience and learning how to fight properly. Back then, who could even imagine he would end up as popular with girls as he was? Certainly not himself.

Jaune whistled to himself as he checked his now much busier schedule. A breakfast with Ciel. Training session with Pyrrha and Arslan. Massages for the team CMSN. And then some extra classes with Glynda. That is, of course, unless some of the girls intercepted him and got him to fuck them into sweet surrender as they did it every single day before.

Someone knocked on the door.

“Come in!”

He expected one of the girls. Or maybe Ren who forgot something before going to town. Instead, it was Weiss, in all her snow-white perfection. The perfection he grew to ignore after the public humiliation at her hands. Ironically enough, said humiliation was what started the chain of events that led to him becoming the center of all the girls’ attention.

Not that any of that attention helped his view of her.

“…Hey, Jaune. How have you been?”

“I am fine,” he said with a bit more bite than he intended. “What about you?”

“Great. I… I have been great.”

His pettiness reared its ugly head.

“Oh, and what about Neptune?”

Weiss looked away, refusing to look him in the eyes. It has been a week since the two met again in the Crimson Crest. Yang made sure he was much busier enjoying himself with her than thinking of Weiss and Neptune. And for the first ten minutes, they did. Until Weiss, who he rightly assumed took the room right next to theirs, made a show of giving her first time to Neptune.

While taking not so subtle shots at him and Yang and all the other girls he slept with.

Her condescending rant about how girls at their school chased after unworthy guys and spread their legs for anyone with halfway-decent dick was something straight out of trashy porn Blake loved to read. Jaune was almost ready to leave with Yang when they heard Weiss unzip Neptune’s pants and then… Then nothing. Complete and utter silence.

What followed was Weiss’ awkward stammering and attempt to salvage the situation as she continued to praise Neptune’s cock in exaggerrated tone in a cheap attempt to make herself look better. Or sound better, to be correct.

Meanwhile, Jaune and Yang made sure to go at it extra hard. Jaune would lie if he said he didn’t enjoy putting extra effort into satisfying Yang as he listened to Neptune and Weiss’ much more subdued and akward lovemaking session. It wasn’t even ten minutes before Neptune told Weiss he was cumming. And it was not even an hour before the two of them would make another attempt at the passionate wild sex the two blondes were having.

From what Yang told him, once she was back in the dorm, she found Weiss desperately fucking herself with a bunch of dildos. A pitiful sight, as Yang described.

“N-Neptune is good. He is alright,” Weiss lied, her voice shaking. “Look, Jaune, can we talk? A man to a woman?”

He didn’t say anything. He didn’t want or need to.

“Okay, I will begin,” she straightened her back and put back that same prideful look he fell in love with before. Now it just seemed like mask ready to slip off at any moment. “I understand that recently you have made quite the reputation for yourself among the local girls. There are lots of stories and, more importantly, proof of that. And so, in light of the recent development, I believe that you proved you can handle me like a real man. So rejoice, Jaune, because I am giving you a chance at relationship with me.”

… What?

“Are you serious right now?”

Weiss gave him a proud smirk. “You can’t believe your own luck, I understand,” She clearly mistook his frustrated shock for happy surprise. Then again, with her ego, he should have expected that much. “Of course, there are some rules to establish first. Effective immediately, you are not allowed to waste time on those unworthy little tramps. You have a real woman with actual needs to satisfy. Second of all, I-”

He wasn’t having any of it.

“W-Wait, where are you going?” SHe stood between him and the door, looking positively annoyed as if she was doing him a favor here. “Jaune, I know I might have been rude, but you are being ridiculous acting like this right now. You do know that Schnees rarely give a second chance to-Ouch!”

Jaune raised an eyebrow in surprise as Weiss found herself knocked forth by the door. Ignoring the groaning form of the heiress on the floor, Penny walked in with the widest smile on her face, “Good morning, Master Jaune! Mistress Ciel sent me over to retrieve you for breakfast. She is really missing her special cream in her needy pussy and growing impatient!”

Weiss looked absolutely speechless as the redhead grabbed Jaune by his bulging crotch, her smile turning sly and needy.

“And I myself could use some more lessons on the art of sex. Are you done with Miss Schnee over here?”

Jaune looked over at Weiss. Who, for the first time in all the months he knew her, looked lost and confused and ready to beg.

“Yes, we are done here. Let’s go, Penny.”

Jaune hoped Weiss would get the message and leave him be.

He was wrong. He didn’t know just how far a Schnee would go to get what a Schnee wanted.

You know how many guys want a girl who would be crazy for them? Countless.

In their fantasies, it is always this hot crazy girl who is ready to do anything to get you for herself. And sure, once upona time, Jaune himself thought that would be something great. That is, until Weiss decided to be that girl.

There were no cookies with her hair in it or creepy love letters. Instead, there was the neverending cycle of stalking him and trying to bribe him with money and gifts. And that was her restraining herself. On the worse days, she would sneak into whatever room where he was having sex with another girl and demand he fuck her there and then. Needless to say, Weiss killed the mood more than a few times.

He had to talk and fuck Neo and Cinder out of murdering her. Ciel and Arslan, too.

It was clear to him now that there was just no way to walk away from this.

“You win, Weiss. Let’s go.”

Which is why he would make sure that she never tried to have sex with him again.

As they entered the room in the Crimson Crest, Weiss pressed herself against Jaune, sealing their lips together. Hunger. Need. Desperation. Triumph. So many things he could feel in just her kiss. Pushing him onto the bed. Weiss made a show of stripping out of her dress. Her light flawless skin shone in the light of the room as she was left in nothing but violet lingerie too scandalous for the heiress like her.

“Let’s start with an appetizer.” She purred as she kneeled before him. Pulling out his cock, the heiress let out an ecstatic giggle as she breathed in the smell of his sweat and precum. “Enjoy this moment, Jaune. No men will ever have a Schnee kneel before him like this.”

And then she took it in her mouth, hungrily sucking on the swollen tip like the sweetest lolipop sheever tasted. She went further, taking his cock deeper as she struggled to properly swallow it down. Jaune found himself unimpressed. Maybe two or three months ago, he would be moaning in pleasure but now things were different.

As Weiss struggled to go further than four inches of his cock, Jaune couldn’t help but think of other girls. The alluring hunger of Blake as she acted like his own cum-craving pet. The adorable joy Ruby expressed at learning how to properly service him with her mouth. The sheer passion with which Yang sucked him off. The boundless energy in Nora. The skill and surprising ferocity in Pyrrha.

Cinder. Steele. Emerald. Neo. Arslan. Reese. May. Vernal. Ciel. Penny. Nebula. Dew. Gwen. Octavia. Glynda. Melanie. Miltia. And countless other girls came to his mind as Weiss tried and failed to perform an adequate blowjob. Honestly, the only thing that kept him hard at this point were the memories of being serviced by other girls.

So much for the Size Queen, he guesses.

Finally, after ten minutes of fruitless attempt to go lower than the tip, Weiss, with her face in tears and sweat, smirked, “I believe you must be close to cumming by now,” she said, still either too delusional or too stubborn to admit that she was out of depth, “But don’t worry, I won’t let you cum before you get the taste of the main course.”

She laid down before him, legs spread as her cunt dripped in needy expectation. Jaune tapped his erect cock against her swollen red pussy before inserting it inside. One inch. Then another. And then-

“STOP!” A sharp shriek cut through the air, making Jaune wince in surprise and roll his eyes a second later. He looked down at Weiss, her face was red and eyes were full of tears. She was breathing heavily, hands digging into sheets. “P-Pl-Please, p-pull it out! T-Too big! You are t-t-too big!”

Jaune stared at Weiss’ writhing and whining form in shock. Four inches. Four fucking inches and she was in tears, begging for him to pull out? After all that crap about being size queen and how only real men deserved to fuck her? After that fucking humiliating stunt she pulled on him? After weeks of nagging him to do it with her… She folded after four goddamn inches?!

Talk about lacking self-awareness.

“She is pathetic, isn’t she?”

Both looked over the entrance, where a smirking Vernal stood like a cat who caught her pray. Like a cat who did so not out of hunger but just pure amusement. .

“I mean, really, she talked all high and mighty about how no man shorter than ten inches was worth her time, and yet…” Vernal walked over to them and dragged Weiss onto the floor. With a vicious grin, she stomped on the heiress’ sensitive cunt, eliciting a cry of pain from her. “It appears the heiress bit off more than she could chew. Honestly, this is such a waste of a good damn cock.”

Vernal licked her lips before grabbing Weiss discarded panties. With the look of utter indifference, she used them to wipe off the heiress’ juices off him as if they annoyed her. Which, knowing how possessive and territorial she could be, was quite possible. Without even looking, Vernal threw the used panties onto Weiss’ face and barked a laugh, “Beat it, Pillow Princess. Jaune has a real woman here with him now.”

Weiss tried to disagree.

“W-Wait, this is my cock!” Weiss whined a she shakily tried to stand up. “Jaune! Tell her to get off you right this instant! I am ordering you as your-”

“Nobody is holding you here, Weiss,” Jaune growled out with the glare that made her silent. And wetter than she would admit. “So you can either leave now and go back to fucking yourself with toys or Neptune’s tiny prick-”

“-Or you can stay and watch what real sex looks like,” Vernal smirked as she mounted atop Jaune. “And then go fuck yourself stupid with your toys.”

With that said, the two started making out to Weiss’ growing horror and arousal. Unlike their kiss before, Jaune kissed Vernal back, their tongues locked in hungry lustful battle for dominance. It was nothing like their stiffer and more mechanical one… No, Vernal and Jaune were not two teens trying to prove something. But two animals hungry for each other in all the ways Weiss knew she could never satisfy Jaune or any other man.

The bed creaked under them, the sound of their hips slamming into each other echoing through the room along with moans and groans.

With her confidence shaken, Weiss silently watched, her fingers playing with her lonely pussy. It hurt… It hurt watching Jaune make out with Vernal. His strong hands roaming all over her body, his fingers digging into her shapely ass. The mixture of envy and despair and lust boiled and raged inside of her as she watched the bandit girl bounce up and down Jaune’s enormous length. It was clear that she didn’t do so with ease but the sheer pleasure she received from it obviously made the pain worth it.

“Ah~ Don’t stop, Jaune! Keep fucking me like that! Yes, just like that!” Vernal moaned as she forced herself further down his cock. “Skap my ass, Jaune! Slap my fucking ass, you-”

Before she could finish, Jaune started mercilessly spanking the girl’s bare ass red. Weiss stifled a cry at the mere thought of getting the same treatment. Her pale flat ass could never even handle such treatment… She was sure that if Jaune were to spank her like that, she would be rolling in tears on the ground. Their pace quickened, the two going at it wild like animals.

“Cum inside, Jaune! Please, please, please, cum inside and mark me right now!”

Weiss watched mezmerized as Jaune thrust inside Vernal one final time as Vernal let out a cry of ecstasy. She could see Jaune’s thick potent seed fill the bandit girl to the brim until some of it started leaking down. She wanted it so bad… If not get it inside, Weiss was desperate enough to run over and lick it off the dirty floor. But who was she to do so? She was no Alpha Bitch, Vernal was.

And her?

She was just fingering herself like a complete and utter loser. Imagining it was her who got to ride Jaune like a stud he was while the other girls watched with jealousy and despair. At least, she did so at first until her mind refused to let her enoy such fantasy. Instead, the other scenario played out in her burning little mind. Not even a fantasy but quite possible future.

One where she followed Jaune around like an obedient little pet. Always there when he would add another girl to the growing list of women who fell for him. Always there to watch as he fucked some other woman into complete submission as she fucked herself with her fingers like a brainless addict she was becoming. Denied and humiliated, always talked down and demonstrated how inadequate she really was…

Gods, why the fuck was it making her so hot?

“Hey, Ice Bitch,” a derisive voice of Vernal shook her out her stupor. Looking down at her with the expression of absolute glee, the bandit pressed her foot against Weiss’ all-too sensitive cunt, “Enjoying the show? Never took you for the freak who likes to watch. Then again, what else is a lousy little cunt like you good for?”

Her eyes burned with tars as she struggled to not break down. But it was not just the words being thrown at her but how they made her feel. Despite the anger and despair, Weiss found herself craving more. She wanted more of this humiliation. To be talked down and have her face shoved into how useless and pathetic she was.

“Oh look at this,” Vernal grinned as she spread her pussy lips in front of Weiss. The heiress watched with baited breath as some of the thick sweet semen leaked out of her abused twat. “You look so stupid right now, like a starving woman with bread dangled in front of you. But hey, since Jaune is never fucking a weakass bitch like you, I might give you a taste… If you tell me just how pathetic you are.”

To debase herself just for the taste of Jaune’s cum? No, horny or desperate, none of that mattered. She was a Schnee and a Schnee would never give up their pride even for all the riches and power and-

“I am a weak little whore, Mistress!”

She couldn’t do it. She just couldn’t fucking do it. As she broke down, pathetically fingering her tight little pussy like a shamewul little slut, Weiss watched as Jaune came behind Vernal and wrapped his strong hands around her. They started kissing again, not even paying attention to her as she continued to talk about how weak and useless she was feeling right now.

“I-I was such a dumb little bitch… Thinking I was some Size Queen when I can’t even blow a real man like Jaune-”

“That’s ‘Master’ for you, bitch,” Vernal sneered, slapping her across the face. “Make the mistake again and I will lock your needy little cunt in a chastity belt and throw away the key.”

“M-My deepest apologies, Mistress. This dumb cunt is unworthy of your patience,” she felt her chest tighten at the amused looks her owners threw her way. Yes… Owners… She wouldn’t dare to look at them as anything else now. “Please, I know I am not worthy as a lover or even a fucktoy for Master, but please, let me watch! I will be a good servant and slave! Whatever you say, I will do it! Just let me stay by your side!”

And with that, Weiss sat up straight, looking up at the two other students like an obedient little pet. What could they tell her? It mattered none. If they told her to serve as their maid, she would do it. She would cook and clean and serve as their toy whenever they wanted. If they told her to strip naked and walk across Vale on all fours like a dog, she would be rip all her clothes and wear only a leash.

“P-Please… I am begging you.”

She watched as the two silently exchanged their thoughts. Jaune, to her horror, looked annoyed if nothing else. Which was his right. A pathetic bitch like her was of no worth to someone who could literally have any girl serving him. But Weiss found hope when Vernal looked her up and down, appraising her worth like a piece of meat. Finally, it was Jaune who spoke up first.

“Fine, Weiss, you can be my slave. But don’t try anything dumb ever again,” he grabbed her small flat tits and squuezed, making her squirt all over the floor. “You are beneath all the girls for me, remember that. Which means that any of the girls are your superior and have the full right to do whatever they want to, am I clear?”

“Yes, yes! Crystal clear!” she nodded eagerly, watching Jaune’s semen run down Vernal’s legs. “M-Master, may I please Mistress Vernal for you to fuck again?”

Jaune sighed and Vernal snickered. “Fine, but you better do a good job at it.”

“Yes, sir! Thank you so much, sir!”

It wasn’t long before Vernal was lapping up Jaune’s cold but no less delicious semen from Vernal’s cunt. Without much care, Vernal ordered her to perform a little show for Jaune while she was at it. And so, her mind busy and hot, Weiss shook and wiggled her ass for Jaune to watch. She knew she didn’t have as great an ass as Nora or Yang. Which is why her improvised twerking was all the more desperate.

Like a dumb animal, she followed their orders to the letter. She spanked her own ass till it was raw and red. She stuffed herself full of toys and vibrators until she could swear her pussy and ass would be torn apart by adding another. All night long, she was nothing more than a toy. She listened and obeyed and enjoyed every single second of it. She, a Schnee, was nothing more than their obedient little mindless servant.

And she was right where she belonged.

Later on tonight, she would post a video of herself on a leash. The video where she would happily announce that she officially belonged under Jaune’s heel and, by extension, under the heel of every woman he allowed. And from then on, there wouldn’t be a day when some girl wouldn’t make her watch as they pleasured Jaune. And Weiss? She would be there to watch and serve Jaune and his lovers.

She was who she was.

Not a Size Queen…

… but a Cuckquean Slave.

#rwby

[rpgmgames]

May’s Featured Game: Cadeau

DEVELOPER(S): HALFWORLDstudios ENGINE: RPG Maker VX Ace GENRE: Horror, Fantasy, Puzzle WARNINGS: Blood, Mild Gore, Suicide Mentions, Death SUMMARY: Cadeau is an RPG Horror game about a lonely, yet stubborn, young woman named Charlotte-- who finds herself in a world unknown to man, wearing clothes that do not belong to her. Wonderful and tragic events are to follow suit, as all of her greatest wishes come true. However, as these things often go, her happiness does not come without consequence...

Play the beta here!

Our Interview With The Dev Team Below The Cut!

Introduce yourself! Macdev: Greetings and salutations. I'm Mac, writer, artist, and programmer for Cadeau, as well as the founder of Halfworld. I've loved Rpg games since I was about 10, and have been creating them since! Bruno: My name is Bruno and I'm the music composer. I got into game music approx 2 years ago and I've currently made music for a couple of games and other projects, and Cadeau was the first one of them. Aidan: I'm Aidan/kanteramcneil on Tumblr! I'm one of the voice actors, and I'm super excited to be able to follow Cadeau's progress! I've been in the RpgMaker community for a few years now and I adore being able to watch all the devs progress and grow Rindre: Hi I'm Rin! Currently, I'm on an indefinite hiatus, but Big Mac managed to catch me, chain me up to a chair, and make me say stuff about myself against my will. So... I make games, I guess. - Note from macdev: Erm, not true? These accusations are SLANDER and I will not stand for it. WariA: Hello! I’m WaraiA, one of the voice actors of Cadeau — A pleasure to meet you! I will be voicing the oh so mysterious ‘Your Admirer’, so please look forward to listening to my antics ☆〜（ゝ。∂） I am a Japanese/Chinese Australian born citizen, with a tendency to speak in an American accent. Any pronouns are fine for me My most notable role so far has been Harpae from Pocket Mirror, so some of you may be familiar with my voice already! Nothing much has changed — I enjoy cosplaying, role playing, drawing every once in a blue moon, Final Fantasy XIV, and most importantly, catboys (Nael, I’m coming for you, boy) As ‘Your Admirer’ is a rather elusive character, I cannot disclose much. But I do suggest always keeping one eye open throughout your journey

What is your project about? What inspired you to create your game initially? *Macdev: Cadeau is a game about a troubled young woman named Charlotte Émile-- who is a "tomboyish" and bold individual who has been unfortunately presented loneliness by a series of disastrous events. After giving up on companionship, she miraculously receives an affectionate letter from a mysterious person aliased as her "Admirer". This "Admirer" character beckons poor Charlotte to visit them at a mysterious well in the woods, and to come armed with nothing but a strange golden coin. From there, madness ensues. Our protagonist must learn of her past and the events that lead to her misfortune, all while becoming entangled in a family drama rooted in witchcraft, raging years before her unexpected arrival. It is a story about self-love, friendship, acceptance, magic, and all that corny-ness. Sounds fun, right? My initial inspiration was The Witches House. The game was originally meant to be simple, and maybe an hour or 45 minutes long. A simple story, and a straightforward 2-ending path.... How have we managed to get here from that?

How long did you work on your project? *Macdev: Two years, I believe! Its anniversary is April 8th. In the beginning, it was very off and on-- because I was having a difficult time with school and-- as I mention-- organization. So not a whole lot of progress was made then. I'm proud to say I've been chugging quite a bit faster than my previous pace!

Did any other games or media influence aspects of your project? *Macdev: My inspiration would probably lie in Harry Potter/Fantastic Beasts, and Alice returns to madness. As for RPG games? The Witch's House, Havenfell, and Pocket Mirror. As well as many other beautiful artists and creators in the video game community. Overall, my biggest inspiration for this game has got to be the stop-motion movie: Coraline. I even reference the movie once or twice in Cadeau. The tone of Coraline, and the whimsical yet eerie people and creatures within it give me inspiration for this game. It was very much a favorite of mine when I was younger, and that still applies today!

Have you come across any challenges during development? How have you overcome or worked around them? *Macdev: The biggest problem I've run into has been a lack of structure. In the beginning, I hadn't even written out the story halfway. I was just pulling ideas from thin air, going back and forth, and deleting entire concepts-- only to bring them back and re-arrange them as I went. Characters weren't fully dished out; the game didn't even have an ending. This state of creating is fine, but not when you have other people expecting things from you. Thankfully, things are sailing much MUCH smoother than before.

Did any aspects of your project change over time? How does your current project differ from your initial concept? *Macdev: It's absolutely taken a turn from what it was originally! As I say, it was meant to be an extremely short game in the beginning, and now obviously that’s not the case. The goal for Cadeau now is: around 2-3 hours long in playtime, and full of many diverse character types! As well as a storyline that extends far more than face value. Which is in high contrast to the basic, short, immemorable experience that it was going to be.

What was your team like at the beginning? How did people join the team? If you don’t have a team, do you wish you had one or do you prefer working alone? *Macdev: I do have a wonderful, beautiful, talented team working with me on Cadeau. - A composer! (Bruno Buglisi), - As well as voice actors! (WariA as Allete, Aiden/kanteramcneil as The Botanist, and Rindre (who I have definitely not kidnapped...) as The Maiden) I met everyone in the team through volunteer posts-- and I had never done that before-- but it worked very surprisingly well! We worked very quickly together, and we had a very mutual understanding of what each other wanted. It feels good to know I have such talented people helping this game come to fruition. I owe a whole lot to them for helping the game become what it is now.

What was the best part of developing the game? Macdev: Being able to make the world in your head interactable, for sure. Since I was 8, maybe even younger, I have loved writing stories and making art. Webcomics were my main thing as a kid, so story-telling is something I’ve always loved. So, the fact that I can turn my ideas into something someone can experience and interact with is a wonderful feeling. There's nothing more fulfilling, honestly!

Do you find yourself playing other RPG Maker games to see what you can do with the engine, or do you prefer to do your own thing? *Macdev: Very often, actually! I try not to ride too close to the material I see in other games, but I do gain lots of inspiration from my fellow creators! One thing I am laser-focused on, though, is making Cadeau quite unique content-wise. I want it to have very interesting, uncommon puzzles and mechanics that you may not expect from this type of game-- or one of this engine. So far, I think I've achieved this-- so look out for that!

Which character in your game do you relate to the most and why? (Alternatively: Who is your favorite character and why?) *Macdev: My favorite character has got to be The Botanist. At the beginning of the game he has no dialogue, yet still presents such a strong personality. They are kind, thoughtful, and absolutely adorable. Look at that foofy hair! I'm a sucker for it. Their character arc is something I'm excited for. It's been a blast writing it so far-- and I won’t spoil anything-- but you guys will love him. I'm sure of it. Now if we're talking character design, Naël has got to be my favorite. He recently received a “tune-up,” as I would like to call it, and I think everything works together very cohesively in his design now. It's probably one of my favorites out of all of them, at this point.

Looking back now, is there anything that regret/wish you had done differently? *Macdev: Thankfully, things worked out perfectly-- and the universe blessed me with a wonderful team in the end-- but it was very stressful once I realized I had asked for help way too early. I essentially made a single map, and a little character sheet-- then asked for a whole team to help me out. As I said, it luckily worked out in the end. Now we have so many amazing people helping us-- but we also lost a few in the madness-- and that's a mistake on my part, 100%. If you don't know what you want, it's hard to ask for help. It will lead to confusion, lots of back and forth, frustration, etc... Just wait until your way further in development. Trust me. I know it’s easy to jump the gun and shoot for the stars, but sometimes it won’t work out as well as it has for the Cadeau team!

Do you plan to explore the game’s universe and characters further in subsequent projects, or leave it as-is? *Macdev: I won't say as of now! The idea of a sequel/prequel has floated around, but if it does come to fruition, it won't be until way after the release of Cadeau. We'll just have to see. (This isn’t to say I’m not hopeful!)

With your current project, what do you look most forward to upon/after release? *Macdev: I have so many amazing project ideas lined up for after the release of Cadeau. I won’t spill too much, so they'll be more of a surprise-- but they range from classic, adventure-themed true RPG's-- to 3D teenage-thrillers. I'm honestly stoked, there's so much in store for Halfworld.

Is there something you’re afraid of concerning the development or the release of your game? *Macdev: I think my biggest fear is letting people down. Also, I worry about losing interest or having people form the idea that the game is never going to be completed. It’s just going to take some time, is all, and that’s okay!

Do you have any advice for upcoming devs? *Macdev: I already mentioned above not to jump the gun and ask for help too early, so some more advice I'll give: is to keep all your material, all your ideas, and all your concepts in one concise place. I would say do it digitally from the get-go, but if you would prefer to write it down physically that's fine! Just make sure it's only one or 2 notebooks, and not 13. The information for Cadeau is spread throughout my hideous mound of notebooks, as I get up during ungodly hours of the night to scrawl a sudden idea down. So, I'm currently in the process of moving them to one digital spot-- and while it's generally easy-- I would have been able to avoid it if I had just put everything in one spot in the beginning. Oh, and back up your progress regularly! I have separate backups of Cadeau from months in 2 different years, and in 4 different places. So, I take backups very seriously—and so should you!

Question from last month's featured dev @atlasatrium: What's your favorite RPG Maker game and why? *Aidan: I love End roll, Ib, OFF, Prom Dreams, From Next Door, and Aria's Story! Bruno: Mm, definitely Long Gone Days (though it’s not being made on rpgmaker now) Midnight Train, Heartbeat and Glitched! WariA: I don't really have any :0 the devs I've worked with so far have all been really sweet (´꒳`);; Macdev: This is a tough question! I have a lot of favorites. Probably Stray Cat Crossing overall, but I also love Home and Starboy. Starboy brings a lot of memories, and Stray Cat Crossing was what inspired me to start making games! Oh, and Home is just very cute.

We mods would like to thank HALFWORLDstudios for agreeing to our interview! We believe that featuring the developer and their creative process is just as important as featuring the final product. Hopefully this Q&A segment has been an entertaining and insightful experience for everyone involved!

Remember to check out Cadeau if you haven’t already! See you next month! 

- Mods Gold & Platinum

[harbingham]

                   Harry took one look at the survey && rolled his eyes. What a waste of fucking time. As if they were all going to BOND because a survey supposedly confirmed they could be  f r i e n d s  . Or at the very least good roommates ?? Whatever. Harry quickly wrote his name, crossing out the rest of the questions with EASE. Besides, they knew who he was already.

          Instead, cursive letters inked the paper — If you put me with someone annoying, I’ll make sure the trip is absolute hell. Ending the sentence with a thick period, annoyance festering as it usually did with life’s POINTLESS trifles.

                    The usual smug smirk dipped over his lips, carelessly turning the questionnaire in without a second thought.

so yeahhh, because my son is the way he is ... i filled it out for him bless up. why do i love harry bingham when i fucking hate him ?? idk fam, idk.

BASIC INFORMATION

FULL NAME: Harold Theodore Bingham PRONUNCIATION: H EH - r uh l d   th EE - uh - d aw r    b IH  ng-uh m   MEANING: estate ruler  /  army leader  REASONING: Harold was his great-grandfather’s name, while Theodore is is father’s name that’s been passed down for quite a while as either a first/middle kinda deal NICKNAME(S): Harry, Har ( though he doesn't like it  ) Bingham, Pretty Boy PREFERRED NAME(S): Harry, just Harry unless you want a punch or a mean remark bless BIRTH DATE: April 13th, 2001 AGE: 18 ZODIAC: Aries !! GENDER: Male PRONOUNS: He/Him ROMANTIC ORIENTATION: Heteroromantic SEXUAL ORIENTATION: Heterosexual NATIONALITY: American ETHNICITY: wonder bread

BACKGROUND

BIRTH PLACE: West Ham, CT HOMETOWN: West Ham, CT SOCIAL CLASS: Upper/Close to the 1% FATHER: Theodore Bingham † MOTHER: Karen Bingham SIBLING(S): Stacy Bingham ( 12 ) BIRTH ORDER: Harry, Stacy PET(S): In the Bingham household ?? Never. OTHER IMPORTANT RELATIVES: He’s surrounded by family, they usually always have at least two reunions a year. However he’s never felt close to them ?? So he’d never list their names here really. He’s only somewhat close to his immediate family. Though, he was close to his nanny growing up if that counts bless PREVIOUS RELATIONSHIPS: it’s a list of like ... relatively short lasting relationships, hookups, && one night stands, until his most recent, kelly, which is probably his longest lasting one ?? ARRESTS?: Technically, on record, none :). He’s definitely been caught like, trespassing, underage drinking, && drunk driving lbh ... but yeah, no record. i hate him. PRISON TIME?: N/A

OCCUPATION & INCOME

SOURCE OF INCOME: intern at parent’s company  /  his parents CONTENT WITH THEIR JOB (OR LACK THERE OF)?: he doesn’t really like it tbh, but it’s done his family well so after college he definitely plans to continue the legacy && make if flourish even more. PAST JOB(S): n/a SPENDING HABITS: *throws money in trash can* MOST VALUABLE POSSESSION: the gold ring with the bingham family insignia his father gave him when he turned 13 ( made him feel like he finally belonged you feel )  though he’d tell you it’s everything he owns ... i hate him

SKILLS & ABILITIES

TALENTS: bringing people together ( or apart ), lightening the mood ( or you know, fucking it up too ), banter, racing, fixing cars SHORTCOMINGS: oh honey — saying shit he doesn’t mean, his own arrogance, addictive personality, emotional invulnerability, aloof nature, shall i continue ?? LANGUAGE(S) SPOKEN: English, French, Italian DRIVE?: Hell yeah JUMP-STAR A CAR?: Yes CHANGE A FLAT TIRE?: Yes, but he’d rather pay someone to do it before ever doing it himself RIDE A BICYCLE?: nope catch me crying SWIM?: Yes PLAY AN INSTRUMENT?: Does learning the recorder in 3rd grade count ?? PLAY CHESS?: Yes BRAID HAIR?: Yes ( Stacy made him learn since he was the only one home most of the time ) TIE A TIE?: Yes, his father practically taught him that in the womb. PICK A LOCK?: nah. he’s more into the jump the fence, break some glass, make a fucking scene, kinda trespassing

PHYSICAL APPEARANCE & CHARACTERISTICS

FACE CLAIM: Alex Fitzalan EYE COLOR: dark brown, specks of gold in natural light HAIR COLOR: Chestnut Brown HAIR TYPE/STYLE: Curly && wavy, his hair texture kinda varies by each strand unless he properly styles it ... which he does when feeling okay GLASSES/CONTACTS?: No, but he definitely likes the aesthetic of glasses sometimes. Like bet money on his ivy interviews he wore glasses ... did i mention i hate harry bingham ?? DOMINANT HAND: Right HEIGHT: 5′10″ WEIGHT: 140/150ish lbs ??? BUILD: Slender Muscular EXERCISE HABITS: it’s rather irregular and depends heavily on his mood. if he’s in a good/okay mood then a few times a week. otherwise it’s hard to do much of anything, let alone work out you know. SKIN TONE: light with pink/tan undertones TATTOOS: none PIERCINGS: none MARKS/SCARS: small dark birth mark near his right, outer ankle. shoulders/back && cheeks tend to get rather freckly in the summer && he hates it. some random cuts && bruises from blacked out drunk/high escapades, the occasional hickey bye. NOTABLE FEATURES: dimples when he actually smiles, white af teeth, the hair™ USUAL EXPRESSION: either completely unamused or smirking tbh CLOTHING STYLE: designer, preppy — think polos, ironed pants, or cuffed skinny jeans, all paired with some boat shoes. sometimes when he’s not feeling so great he’ll wear a plain tee/hoodie JEWELRY: gold pinky ring ( mentioned above ), apple watch on occasion ALLERGIES: long haired cats BODY TEMPERATURE: runs hot 😏 DIET: no such thing, boy’s metabolism is fast, the lucky son of a bitch. PHYSICAL AILMENTS: N/A

PSYCHOLOGY

MORAL ALIGNMENT: Chaotic Neutral TEMPERAMENT: Choleric  /  Melancholic ELEMENT: Fire MENTAL CONDITIONS/DISORDERS: Anxiety, Depression, Toxic Masculinity 👀 SOCIABILITY: Moody™, but very social. Popular™. EMOTIONAL STABILITY: um ... he tries ?? it’s not good though, nope. PHOBIA(S): autophobia ( fear of being alone ),  atychiphobia ( fear of failure ) ADDICTION(S): coffee, opiods, alcohol, etc DRUG USE: yes please ALCOHOL USE: yes please PRONE TO VIOLENCE?: if provoked yes, or if he feels the need to protect/stand against something.

MANNERISMS

QUIRKS: easily annoyed, rolls his eyes a lot, has a comeback for almost everything ( even if it’s just a fuck you ) HOBBIES: cars, racing, sailing ( learned from his dad ),  HABITS: drinking, swearing, pills, drinks coffee every morning NERVOUS TICKS: furrowed brows, pacing/unable to stand still, hand twitching, squinting eyes DRIVES/MOTIVATIONS: Money, Perfectionism, doing the Bingham name justice FEARS: Being forgotten, Isolation, Losing the rest of his family/the few he cares about, Death, Fatal Illness POSITIVE TRAITS: Charming, Adventurous, Witty, Ambitious, Assertive, Protective NEGATIVE TRAITS: Moody, Enigmatic, Cocky, Prideful, Destructive, Sarcastic, Stubborn, Impatient SENSE OF HUMOR: sarcastic, dark DO THEY CURSE OFTEN?: he fucking literally fucking says fuck every fucking other fucking word :D CATCHPHRASE(S): fuck you cassandra, fuck off, fuck you, fuck me, fuck that, we’re playing fugitive tonight

FAVORITES

ACTIVITY: Racing  /  Sailing ANIMAL: Otters BEVERAGE: any && all alcohol™ ... or secretly strawberry hi-c don’t @ him. BOOK: never let me go by kazuo ishiguro CELEBRITY: Margot Robbie COLOR: Navy Blue && Dark Gray DESIGNER: Balenciaga && Ralph Lauren FOOD: loaded fries FLOWER: blue stars GEM: Sapphire/Diamond HOLIDAY: halloween MODE OF TRANSPORTATION: he has a lot of favorite cars, but his black maserati ( aka the fugitive car ) is probably his favorite. he also likes helicopters MOVIE: Fight Club, The Wolf on Wall Street, The Breakfast Club MUSICAL ARTIST: blackbear, Drake are two of his go-tos, though the list is long QUOTE/SAYING: “Just do it.” boy bye SCENERY: nothing like overlooking a long wooden dock into a bright blue lake surrounded by trees  SCENT: cedar, sandalwood — anything kinda woody/musky ?? bless. SPORT: golf SPORTS TEAM: his father always rooted for the yankees, so he roots for the yankees TELEVISION SHOW: Mad Men WEATHER: cloudy with just a bit of sun peaking through, bright blue sky — not too hot, not too cold. VACATION DESTINATION: anywhere near a body of water, though he’s particularly fond of lake como in italy cause there’s a bit of everything ?? mountains, the lake, beautiful architecture, etc :’)

ATTITUDES

GREATEST DREAM: living that ‘american dream’ baby GREATEST FEAR: peaking in high school, being forgotten/not wanted (yet you push people away boii water u doing ?!), being vulnerable ... again there’s a long fucking list MOST AT EASE WHEN: in a fast car, living that reckless™ lifestyle LEAST AT EASE WHEN: realizing what a dumbass he is && having to apologize for it BIGGEST ACHIEVEMENT: getting into brown && columbia off some actual merit && not just money wow BIGGEST REGRET: not really being there for his dad near the end bc that would mean being vulnerable && saying goodbye coming on this fucking trip MOST EMBARRASSING MOMENT: losing the student body president position to cassandra BIGGEST SECRET: which one you want honey ?? TOP PRIORITIES: for everything to stay the same  /  go back to the way it was  :) :( :) :(

[nocvil]

*            ‐            ․            ↺            𝙄𝙉𝙏𝙍𝙊𝘿𝙐𝘾𝙄𝙉𝙂 . . .  ｓｏｏ ｂｏｇｕｍ . hitman        .        caretaker        .        the heel        .        a masked hell        .

❝   my love     ,     my love     ,     my love     ,     won't you stay a while     ?   ❞

possible tw’s below: parental death mention, illness mentions, murder for hire mentions, and uh m,,, i think that’s it rlly. just warning ok.

GENERAL INFO

full name: soo bogum ( 수 보검 ). nickname(s): bo, sweetie pie to his mother (: gender & pronouns: cismale, he/him. sexual & romantic orientation: aromantic, demisexual. age & dob: twenty-five, november 8th, 19-- birthplace/hometown: seoul, sk. parents/siblings: only child, deceased father, living mother. pet(s): absolutely not LOL. astrological sign: scorpio. >:-) dominant hand: both! handwriting style: mostly writes in very slanted cursive. i feel like when you see things like royal documents signed or very important letters written back in the day with that vintage cursive ... that would be bogum. language(s) known/spoken: spanish, english, korean. religion: LOL. ok. current living arrangements: a two-bedroom, two bath apartment complex with his older, npc mother. it is pretty spacious given they both have their own room, a kitchen, dining space, their own bathrooms, and a patio. bo has the money if you kno what i mean ... (: occupation/major: hitman.

PHYSICAL

picture reference: uhh... this? this look rlly gives off bogum vibes so (: blood type: type O. nationality: korean. skin tone/color: lighter tanned. birthmarks & scars: heheh wouldn’t u like to kno ??? height: five-foot ten inches. 5′10″. build: pretty average, more on the lean/athletic side though. hair color: red. hair length: uhm ,, look at reference photo? eye color: brown. diet: uhm ... bo has a pretty average diet probably. he would eat just about anything, not very picky. i think he probably has his favorites when it comes to chips and candy but he doesn’t have a special diet. exercise & level of fitness: LOOOL. let me not make a bad joke here ): how’s their posture ( or lack thereof )?: bogum probably has really good posture! i think standing tall with a straight back probably adds to his uh... authoritative look?  typical style of dress: ( from his stats page ) dresses a bit old school, vintage?, almost plain. likes wearing tucked in and cuffed shirts, rolled up pants, boots, baseball caps, at least three rings on one hand, gold bracelets. the following outfits aren’t specific to him but they are probably kinda similar. it’s hard to rlly find exact examples ): (  1  /  2  /  3  /  4  ) body modifications: none, surprisingly. probably pierced ears that he never puts earrings in. that’s really it though. he would prob like a tattoos but wouldn’t do it for the sake of his career ( because tattoos are distinguishing features ).

MANNERISMS

how does your muse walk?: def with a bit of power in his step. very protective when he is with his mother. mostly, he would walk like he calculates every single step he takes. how does your muse talk?: HAHA i just talked about this with myungok’s mun ,, he would talk very plain and probably without a lot of emotion. this would make things that are usually out of pocket probably sound kinda weird.  what accent/dialect does your muse talk with?: he is from seoul and according to google, they speak with a gyeonggi dialect there (: how would you describe the tone of their voice? are they loud or quiet?: QUIET... shh... if you speak too loud you won’t hear bogum speaking with such monotoned you could probably fall asleep. bogum asmr when?  what does their laugh sound like?: bogum? LAUGHING? i feel like bogum chuckles. so he would have like a short, quiet laugh. how does your muse typically smell?: either like smoke from a cigarette or like his mom’s perfume. what kind of air do they carry?: well jinae’s mun said he would have a dark and heavy presence and honestly that rlly fits the bill. do they have a(ny) catchphrase(s)?: time to die. what are their nervous ticks?: um.. not sure. probably knuckle cracking and finger tapping.

PSYCHOLOGY

what makes your muse happiest?: his mommy! seeing his mom thrive and gain her confidence back, even momentarily, makes him so happy. what upsets them the most?: ugh. listen. i talked abt this with some of y’all but the thought that if he ever got exposed or arrested ... how everyone in his life, including his mother, would just abandon him ... CRIES. was this supposed to be a general question? does your muse have any quirks?: i think his tendency to just be way too lax in certain situations would be his infamous quirk. what are their hobbies? how frequent do/can they do them?: bogum is definitely a simple man. he would totally like puzzles, word searches, watching the news, scrapbooking ( YES, SCRAPBOOKING ), taking walks, shopping with his mom, writing, idk, he doesn’t do anything OD or over the top. shrug. do they have any guilty pleasures?: is your muse an extrovert or an introvert? neither?: 10000% introverted otl. do they have high or low self-esteem? what about confidence?: uhm... bogum probably has an average amount of confidence/self-esteem. he’s a realist, definitely. if he look ugly he look ugly. if he look good he look good. ‘nuff said. are they easily stressed and how do they normally respond to it?: stressed? bogum could be in the midst of a bank robbery and be sitting there like ok, y’all done yet? what is your muses worst fear?: his mother finding out about his job. what is your muses biggest dream?: to either escape his job for good or to be able to heal his mother of all her injuries and illnesses. but of course, neither of those will ever happen! is your muse a morning person or a night dragon?: a night dragon? ok. anyway he is probably both. i can see bogum getting like four hours of sleep and waking up like (: let’s fuckin go! how intelligent is your muse? do they acknowledge it?: OH BOGUM has street smarts but definitely probably not book smarts. at least, not a great amount of book smarts. how can he be a hitman if he��s DUMM?! describe their sense of humor: LMAO. the real question is how can someone as funny as ME play someone as BORING as bogum?

RELATIONSHIP TENDENCIES

are they currently in any sexual or romantic relationships?: HELL NO. luuuul. what is their experience with relationships?: to really think about it, bo probably had feelings for people here and there and most likely dated short term in high school but after he moved and began doing that he kind of lost all his effort to pursue romance. how does your muse view the idea of friends with benefits? have they ever had one? would they ever?: another hell naw to that sis. how important is sex to your muse?: not important at all. bogum could care less. what are their biggest turn on and turn offs?: see above pls. does your muse find it easy to make friends?: i say yes, only because most of his friends are through his mother. how important is friendship to them?: veRY IMPORTANT if bogum didn’t have the friends he has today, he probably would be a lot more sad and maybe more than just a hitman ): quantity or quality of friends?: quality! how important is family?: VERY IMPORTANT AGAIN bogum would give his life for his mother and to have his father back. are they close to their family? why or why not ?: YES. obviously asdfasdf everyone probably knows why. although bogum is now the one who runs the house, he still really values his mother because she ultimately has nobody but him in the end if she gets worse. his parents were always really good to him and when his father died, he knew that he and his mother had to stick together through it. he also knew that that he had to step up to provide for his mother because of her injuries and dementia. she is his life, really.

FAVORITES

activity: haha. you really wanna kno?... he likes word searches a lot. animal: idk. probably like. idk.  beverage: mmmm some piping hot tea. book: - color: is red cliche to say? designer: - food:  flower:  water lilies, pansies, lilies, peonies, idk, he would love all kinds of flowers. gem: i googled these. if he had a favorite it would be garnet, smoked topaz, and morion. holiday: christmas! his mother’s favorite too, probably. mode of transportation: walking, usually. movie: -  musical artist: oh boy, uhm,, i bet bogum likes indie kpop. like dean, suran, hyukoh, but i dont rlly know a lot to give you more details. quote / saying: - scenery: hm. probably night time in the living room, mom is put to bed already, he’s watching a rerun episode of a crime drama on television and thinking about how it’s so unrealistic. he’s got a beer in one hand and a cigarette in the other though he puts it out halfway through because he loses interest. (: scent: i think he’d like the smell of cleaning products, flower scents ( bc it would remind him of his mom ), and metal (: obviously. weather: cloudy or rainy weather. anything that let’s him stay inside for the day. vacation destination: UM. i bet bogum would like to travel out of country to places like europe.

ATTITUDES

greatest dream: to finally have a peaceful life with his mother by his side, healthy or not. he wants to stop being a hitman, really, but it’s kind of like an addiction, plus he’s good at it, and it brings in the bacon. greatest fear: being caught and leaving his mother by herself -- it would be like the ultimate let down since he doesn’t trust anyone with her. most at east when: pls see scenery in section above. least as ease when: out in public by himself. he doesn’t have his mom as his cover. worst possible thing that could happen: PLS SEE GREATEST FEAR. ajdfkjasdfskf biggest achievement: moving to seoul safely with his mom! biggest regret: falling back into the crime life. most embarrassing moment: idk i feel like bogum isn’t embarrassing. he’s too ,, plain. biggest secret: LMAO well ... i think we all know. top priorities: keeping his mom safe, alive, healthy, and her bills paid for. also keeping himself undercover for the most part and making sure neither him or his mother are overwhelmed.

EXTRA TIDBITS

001. bogum is an unhealthy smoker but a social drinker. he never smokes around his mother though.

002. whenever bogum’s mother is around, he is on his own best behavior. he always does his best to be nice and keep up an image of her sweet son although by himself he can be different.

003. so far the only person who knows about his job is sangwoo because he sort of saw him in the act during his first hit. the two joke about it but bogum would take him out in a heartbeat if he spills.

004. i think it’s funny because i always pictured bogum as that person would give the shirt off of his back for you if you were in trouble. but he also wouldn’t hesitate to threaten to make you disappear.

005. his mom doesn’t know how he gets the money to pay for everything but bogum has her believing he “has his ways” and to “just trust him” although she asks about it every now and then.

006. though he stays inside a lot, some of the places you might see bogum outside of his apartment, are grocery stores close to his place, bars around town, museums, little cafes picking up things for his mother, dawon’s flower shop, and very occasionally places where there are a lot of drug activity.

007. here is smth: bogum is a hitman because his father was killed in a hit!

008. despite his mom questioning where he earns his money, his family has always been pretty well off but that was because of his father. so now that his father isn’t alive, it’s kind of ... fishy.

009. lmao probably your very typical scorpio minus the s*xual stuff.

010. my brain stopped working.

AESTHETICS

a card hand full of royals. empty, dark hospital hallways. dirty hands under black leather gloves. an empty, lonely wheelchair. old black and white photographs. an ashtray full of half smoked cigarettes. ripped up diary pages. rolled up fifty dollar bills. two expensive rings on each finger. responding “k” to a paragraph long text message. tri-folded letters written in the upmost calligraphy. roman numeral clocks.

[flatstarcarcosa]

extremely detailed character meme (Van, ships: right on target and far from any road)

found this on my dash and i thought i’d fill it in! under a cut b/c it is REALLY detailed! some of the questions don’t apply for me, and i tried to make it easy to tell which ship i’m referring too b/c some things are different here and there 

Character Chart Character’s full name: Van (pronounced vaughn, rhymes with fawn) Miller Reason or meaning of name: None  Character’s nickname: None, aside from petnames Reason for nickname: None Birth date: for ship: right on target: 10/03/1990 for ship: far from any road: 10/03/1970  Physical appearance Age: ship: right on target: 29\ ship: far from any road: 24 in 95, 30 in 02, 40 in 2012 How old do they appear: Perpetually babyfaced. So about 15 or so until they hit their mid 30′s Weight: honestly i don’t know Height: 5′2 (look what’s the point of a self insert if i can’t achieve my dream of being at least five foot tall all right) Body build: stronk.  Shape of face: square ish?  Eye color: grey Glasses or contacts: glasses, doesn’t like them unless they’re sunglasses though, prefers to squint and look like a hamster  Skin tone: pale/sickly at times, tan if they’ve been in the sun, but still very white  Distinguishing marks: pointy canines  Predominant features: nothing really sticks out, van’s physical features are pretty normal Hair color: naturally a muted blonde. prone to dying it a bright yellow in 95 and 02 for ship: far from any road. dyed black for ship: right on target Type of hair: straight Hairstyle: fluffy, over hair sprayed mullet ponytail thing for ‘95, ‘02 has a less hair band style looking thing but still pretty punky, ‘12 Van has what i call the ‘business undercut’ (far from any road). also just a normal, kind of spiky undercut for (right on target) Voice: i dont know how to answer this?  Overall attractiveness: this is just a bad question  Physical disabilities: I’m gonna break this one down because one thing i love about my self inserts is modifying my own, actual disabilities a bit so: far from any road: van has kidney and bladder problems that get progressively worse as time goes on, and undiagnosed celiac disease. because of a severe motorcycle accident in ‘89 they also have a weak/bum leg that is prone at times to flaring up with pain and instability with no warning. after a second motorcycle accident in ‘95, these things get a lot worse. by the time ‘12 rolls around van resigns themself to having traded in their bike years earlier for an actual car and using a cane. they’re not happy about it.  right on target: same kidney/bladder/digestive issues. bum leg is a side effect of general chronic pain caused by it. their leg has a habit of still going out at random, and despite needing a cane sometimes they refuse to use it. lester always keep an eye out in case their leg is about to collapse under them. he’s grabbed them many times to keep them from hitting the ground.  Usual fashion of dress: dark, leather, jeans, punky looking things.  Favorite outfit: leather jacket, motorcycle boots even if they’re not riding, jeans.  Jewelry or accessories: big clunky silver rings. right on target!van has a solid black metal band on their left thumb that matches one lester has.

Personality Good personality traits: tries to be kind, tries to make things better for others at the expense of themself, funny, loves animals,  Bad personality traits: addiction problems, quick temper, far from any road!van likes to hustle people at bars and get into bar fights but usually only if they’ve been provoked  Mood character is most often in: it cycles a lot, so  Sense of humor: good? this is a vague question  Character’s greatest joy in life: photography, making people laugh, alone time Character’s greatest fear: death, being in poverty again/being stuck in poverty,  Why? being poor is Not Fun What single event would most throw this character’s life into complete turmoil? far from any road: something happening to rust. they don’t realize at it first but he’s become their grounding agent, and without him there to balance them out they would not fare well.  right on target: lester’s brief stint of being fucking dead and murdered on TV wasn’t a good time.  Character is most at ease when: it’s cold and rainy out and they have an excuse to stay in bed and snooze.  Most ill at ease when: surrounded by too many people and too many noises. Enraged when: hhhhhhhhhhhhh often? the worst they get is in ‘95 when marty makes a few jabs at their trauma and they beat him bloody before rust pulls them off him.  Depressed or sad when: also often, sometimes for no reason. thats kind of what clinical depression is. Priorities: money. taking care of themself with it in order to be able to help others. Life philosophy: sometimes you don’t have to be great, you can just be okay.  If granted one wish, it would be: ability to change gender/sex characteristics at will. Why? it’s the transgenderism (i use that word satirically and as a joke, for those that don’t know that’s a te]]]rf dogwhistle in other situations, a lot of trans people have taken it back)  Character’s soft spot: their pets and the fact that being a raging asshole is a front they have to actively work at. Is this soft spot obvious to others? depends on the person. to rust? yes. to lester? not as much.  Greatest strength: refusal to give up. Greatest vulnerability or weakness: raging asshole disease and the addiction issues. Biggest regret: developing addiction issues.   Minor regret: it also cycles like their moods. Biggest accomplishment: far from any road: got a bachelor’s degree in sociology before deciding to get into journalism.  right on target: ??? van doesn’t feel accomplished. lester is trying to encourage them at going to college but he’s not very good at it.  Minor accomplishment: “not fucking dead yet, assholes”  Past failures he/she would be embarrassed to have people know about: far from any road: van was never able to find out who it was in the south texas area that was targeting members of the LGBT community, that’s the whole reason they ended up with the crusaders and met rust, they had reason to believe it was someone connected to the gang. despite help from rust, the investigation went nowhere and all they have is a half finished expose.  right on target: they didn’t try to leave an abusive situation sooner. Why? see above Character’s darkest secret: i? don’t know??   Does anyone else know? N/A Goals Drives and motivations: just live the best they can Immediate goals: not die Long term goals: not die, perhaps be less of an alcoholic  How the character plans to accomplish these goals: slowly?  How other characters will be affected: they help.  Past Hometown: --- Type of childhood: traumatic Pets: dogs, frogs, turtles, hamsters First memory: ---- Most important childhood memory: ----  Why:  ------ Childhood hero:------ Dream job: ------ Education: bachelor’s degree for far from any road, GED for right on target Religion: atheistic but understanding and accepting of others Finances: far from any road: not fucking superb, hence the side hustles. right on target: poor  Present Current location: far from any road: Louisiana, i don’t remember TD ever stating where at aside from in the sticks right on target: NYC  Currently living with: rust or lester  Pets: far from any road is various pets at various times, right on target is initially just the doggo. Religion: still the same  Occupation: hustler slash freelance journalist for far from any road, unemployed for right on target Finances: better by 2012 (far from any road) thanks to a boring but stable office job, and for right on target they have lester’s money now and even lester doesn’t know how much he has aside from “a lot”. Family Mother: ------- Relationship with her: nonexistent    Father: Bastard Sr. Relationship with him: nonexistent.  Siblings: sister, older Relationship with them: non existent Spouse: rust/lester Relationship with him/her: i mean in both settings it’s a long term (rust right at around 20 years if you count their time in the crusaders initially, lester about 7 years) so, good if complicated at times Children:  no Relationship with them: none Other important family members: none  Favorites Color: purple, green, black Least favorite color: red Music: prog rock Food: pizza, waffles, hash browns, cereal  Literature: lots! really, its across all genres Form of entertainment: viddy gaems Expressions: what?  Mode of transportation: motorcycle or car  Most prized possession: also motorcycle or car Habits Hobbies: viddy gaemz, photography, sketch comedy  Plays a musical instrument? nah Plays a sport? is pool a sport?  How he/she would spend a rainy day: cozy in bed, s***ing some d***  Spending habits: they are fucking cheap as fuck whether they have money or not Smokes: yes, they say they’re planning to quit but [thor voice] is he though  Drinks: yes, it’s the alcoholism  Other drugs: pills mostly. to be fair they do HAVE to have a lot of meds because of chronic illness but they do love them some benzos  What does he/she do too much of? drinks, sleeps, smokes What does he/she do too little of? healthy food, exercise  Extremely skilled at: hustling. that works in both setting because with rust they learned it themself, with lester he taught them. also, writing.  Extremely unskilled at: art, socialising with people  Nervous tics: knuckle cracking,  Usual body posture: crosses arms a lot  Mannerisms: ???? Peculiarities: ????? Traits Optimist or pessimist? pessimist  Introvert or extrovert? introvert  Daredevil or cautious? cautious  Logical or emotional? both actually, it’s not fun Disorderly and messy or methodical and neat? disorderly and messy, clashes with rust’s methodical and neat Prefers working or relaxing? relaxing  Confident or unsure of himself/herself? switches rapidly between both  Animal lover? yes Self-perception How he/she feels about himself/herself: bad.  One word the character would use to describe self: asshole  One paragraph description of how the character would describe self: no good alcoholic junkie with a shitty temper, a shittier outlook and few skills or worth to bring to the table except a raging selfish streak What does the character consider his/her best personality trait? sense of humor  What does the character consider his/her worst personality trait? temper  What does the character consider his/her best physical characteristic? thicc What does the character consider his/her worst physical characteristic? crippled How does the character think others perceive him/her: badly,  What would the character most like to change about himself/herself: alcoholism  Relationships with others Opinion of other people in general: they try to be cordial, unless they’re in traffic, in which case it’s fuck you and your fucking mother you stupid fucking motherfucker  Does the character hide his/her true opinions and emotions from others? yes Person character most hates: [redacted]  Best friend(s): @dadbodsandbots is p much hanging out somewhere in every setting  Love interest(s): rust and lester  Person character goes to for advice: they don’t, that requires enough vulnerability to admit there’s a problem Person character feels responsible for or takes care of: also rust and lester Person character feels shy or awkward around: van is very uncomfortable around marty most of the time, he reminds them of their father. it smooths out as time goes on, but still. also when lester was stuck with the DA, they didn’t like daken at first  Person character openly admires: ehh? Person character secretly admires: ehh?  Most important person in character’s life before story starts: ehh?  After story starts: ehh? 

found here

[callunavulgari]

Year-In-Life | 2018

Or that annual New Year’s meme about yours truly.

1. What did you do in 2018 that you’d never done before? Got a big girl job! Got insurance! Made my very own eye doctor appointment! Got an apartment all on my own with my boyfriend! And this all happened since October! Basically I haven’t had time to do more than sleep in like two months!!!!!

But like. I’m making good money now, I can actually do things like go to the freaking doctor when I’m sick and not completely bankrupt myself if I get hit by a truck or something. Oh, and my new job has PTO! How rad is that, I can get paid for taking vacations now? The only downside is my eyes are not taking the staring at a computer screen all day very well and ache ALL the time now. But hey! Things are looking up other than my eyes being stabbed out of my skull?!

2. Did you keep your new years’ resolutions, and will you make more for next year? Ugh I never remember what resolutions I actually made though! I mean, I know one of them was get a better job, which I did. I started smoking again for like two months and then quit again in November because holy shit I don’t need that in my life. I... briefly lost weight and then gained it all back because I stopped caring.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? Couple high school people, I think. One of my best friend’s from middle school had her second kid. Another friend from middle school is expecting a third next year. But nobody particularly close, no. 4. Did anyone close to you die? I don’t think so.

5. What countries did you visit? Alternatively, what is your favorite place that you did go this year? Ugh, no countries. Nick got to go to Germany for his job training but I had to stay here because y’know, money, and also, money. Didn’t have the big girl job at the time and he went to Germany the week before we were due to go to North Carolina and I’m sorry, but I can’t freaking afford two weeks off of work. Couldn’t? Eh, still probably can’t unless I work crazy overtime to obtain more PTO. 

That said, I had lots of fun on our annual trip down to North Carolina. Once again I got to read a lot of books in the pool, chill on the beach, and play dumb drinking games with people five years younger than me. We also had an added date night, which I think I’m going to require every year.

6. What would you like to have in 2019 that you lacked in 2018? Oh hey, I basically got everything that I wanted from last year. More steady job with insurance, apartment, not doing the college thing yet, but I’m going to have to think long and hard about how I want to proceed from here. This job opened up a LOT of opportunities for me, and I may pursue some of those instead of college. I just have to decide if that’s what I want.

Only thing that I didn’t get was, y’know, the ring thing. So here’s to hoping for next year? 

Also, ideally, we’re looking to buy a house sometime in either 2020 or 2021, so here’s to hoping we save up enough to make that happen.

7. What date from 2018 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? October 15th is when I started my new job. November 9th was when we moved out. Not many big events this year other than those. 8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? Got new job! Got apartment! Read a metric crapton of books! Bought a nice couch that is all ours!

9. What was your biggest failure? Honestly? I’m not really sure. This year was kind of a good one. I’ve been very patient with Nick’s mom whenever we go on our weekly outing to one of the bars in our hometown and haven’t dropkicked her into the street whenever she gets too drunk. 10. Did you suffer illness or injury? Since moving out of the old house last month my weird allergy thing has improved wildly. We’re still using the sensitive skin detergent and I’m using very mildly scented soaps, but all in all the itching is so much less. I got really sick and missed Thanksgiving because I got some kind of stomach flu, and I think I had another stomach issue a few months back, but it’s been mostly mild. 11. What was the best thing you bought? I got new glasses at a vastly discounted rate because my vision insurance is apparently really good? We also bought a huge new sectional that is bigger, comfier, and LESS EXPENSIVE than all of the other couches we were looking at. I got Nick a sit/stand desk for Christmas and got upgraded to his old one by proxy. Got new books and a new painting for our living room. We also bought a new TV, because my old one was fucked and since we were moving out we didn’t have Seth’s to watch. 12. Whose behavior merited celebration? Mine. I was so good this year. 13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed? Eh. Nick’s mom drives me nuts, my mom drives me nuts, the roommates aren’t as bad now because we aren’t there, but it got a little spotty near the end there.

14. Where did most of your money go? Mostly things like bills, car payments, groceries, plane ticket to South Carolina to see my family, Christmas presents. While I got a reasonably good big girl job Nick got a reasonably good computer engineering job which means even if he is just a starting salary it’s still about 30k more than I make. Which just, blows my mind to say? Because I’m not making less than 15k a year now?  15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? I’m sorry that you have to hear it again, but new job! New apartment! New books and new things and hopefully a new chapter of our life. I’ve been trying to not get too psyched about things just in case the bottom drops out, but for now I’m letting myself enjoy this.

16. What song will always remind you of 2018? Paradise Valley. The Sailor Song. Daddy. Smallest Light. Lots of things off the Stranger Things soundtrack. 17. Compared to this time last year, are you: i. happier or sadder? Happier? Yeah, happier. ii. thinner or fatter? Little more, maybe? Again, lost a bunch but gained it back. iii. richer or poorer? Richer. With both of us having good jobs it’s so much easier to save. I dumped a little more than I should have into Christmas presents, but I’m still okay.  18. What do you wish you’d done more of? Write. I’ve been really bad about it, but I’m hoping that this year I’ll find my stride. 

19. What do you wish you’d done less of? Still pretty chill this year. Maybe gotten my head out of my ass and tried to get a good job earlier, but I can’t regret it too much. 20. How will you be spending Christmas? Spent Christmas Eve listening to Nick’s mom bitch about things and eating food that kind of turned my stomach. Spent Christmas Day at his mom’s in the morning and then his grandparents’ all afternoon. Only managed to squeeze a tiny amount of time for ourselves this year, but we had breakfast together and opened our presents. Hopefully next year we get Christmas Eve to ourselves again. 21. How will you be spending New Year’s Eve? So, last year we spent New Year’s cooking curry (him) and pirozki (me) and watching Planet Earth. I’m hoping to do something similar this year, but we might end up at his mom’s place getting trashed since we’re both off the next day. We’ll see. 22. Did you fall in love in 2018? Maybe a little more. 23. Best month for you this year? October? November? August? April-ish? Honestly most of my months this year were pretty okay. Like, I’m so sorry for all of you that had shitty years, but mine was so much better than basically anything from the past goddamn decade.

24. What was your favorite TV program? Of just 2018? Didn’t watch too much this year? Watched the second season of Westworld, Voltron, the Sense8 series finale, Killing Eve, Castlevania, The Haunting of Hill House, Bride of the Ancient Magus, Lost In Space... But honestly, most of them were good but not fantastic. I really liked the Sense8 finale and Hill House. Oooh, also, She-Ra. And Little Witch Academia! Those were good ones. 25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year? Eh.

26. What was the best book you read? Spinning Silver was so good, guys. The Goblin Emperor, A Tale For the Time Being, the Queen’s Thief series, the Kingkiller Chronicle, and the Nightrunner series were highlights too. It was a real good year for books, okay. 27. What was your greatest musical discovery? Paradise Valley. Holy shit that song is the best. 28. What did you want and got? I got a lot of stuff I wanted this year. The job, the apartment, books, games. Nick got me a fucking switch for Christmas and this really pretty teardrop necklace made of green glass that’s just fucking gorgeous. And I got the glasses, the stupid tv, the better couch... ugh, we spent so much money this year, but I mean, it’s kind of about time that we had the money to splurge a little?

29. What did you want but didn’t get? A... ring? I mean, we’ve talked about it and we’ve both been moving steadily in this direction, but it didn’t happen this year. I foolishly made a bet with one of his brother’s friends while I was drunk. He thought that he’d propose before December of 2020, I thought he’d propose before the end of 2019, so now even if I’m right I’m wrong and I know he is going to give me shit about it.

Also. I think I might actively want kids now? Like, not in a nebulous eventually kind of way, but I think I might want to start trying? I don’t know. More on that next year. 30. What was your favorite film of this year? The Greatest Showman was really great. Other than that though, I didn’t watch that many. 31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? 29 went a lot like 28 and 27. Had lunch with Nick at the Lantern, and then lazed around until we went out to Old Bag of Nails with a few of our friends. It was nice. Nick got me knitting supplies because I mentioned a million years ago that I kind of wanted to learn so I could do something while listening to audiobooks.

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? Hah! A better president and a ring is the only thing that I didn’t get from my wishes last year. 33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2018? Honestly until I started having to dress for an office job my personal fashion concept was PJs all the time except for when I had to go wait tables for a few hours. Now that I have the office job I’ve been wearing lots of sweaters, scarves, and skirts with tall boots when it’s not too cold for them. My bet is next year I’m going to give up and buy scrubs like everybody else in the nursing department. 34. What kept you sane? Reading was really, really great this year. - STILL leaving this answer 35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? Eh. Amber Heard was recently very pretty on my tumblr dashboard? 36. What political issue stirred you the most? FUCK DONALD TRUMP IN THE EAR 2015678. —– Ayyyyy, this was my response from last year, and apparently also the year before and the one before! Hello past me’s, don’t worry, it’s still getting worse. 37. Who did you miss? Nick, while he was in Germany and when I was in South Carolina. It was dumb. I wanted to smooch his forehead gently. 38. Who was the best new person you met? I have lots of new coworkers, but Bryan is my favorite. He’s pretty cool and I could see myself being good friends with him if he doesn’t fuck off to a different state. 

39. Talk about a new friend that you made this year: *Sherlock voice* I don’t have friends. ---- I’m just going to leave this here. 

40. Post a picture from the beginning of the year:

Took this one in... early March, but it’s technically the earliest photo I took of myself that wasn’t technically from December of 2017. I really miss the dark hair.

41. Post a picture from the end of the year:

This was taken a couple days ago when I got new glasses. I am 100% not naked, I’m wearing a tanktop.

42. A memorable meal discovered this year? Uh. I don’t know if I actually tried any new recipes this year? Most things that I cooked were repeat favorites from last year and Nick hasn’t cooked too terribly much either. The new jobs thing has been nice, but also we have SO MUCH LESS TIME.

43. What was your favorite memory this year? I don’t know. There have been a few of them. I had a night that was kind of shitty and empty, and ended up reading that Cornstalk Fiddle fic that I’ve talked about and it turned into one of my favorite memories. The vacation and moving was pretty nice.

44. What are you excited for next year? Still wanna try for that trip that’s just me and Nick, but I’ve got my little brother’s graduation to go to in May and the North Carolina trip in August, which basically wipes out my PTO for the year, but we’ll see. Maybe we can take a weekend trip somewhere nice.

Oh. Also, I’m freaking excited for KINGDOM HEARTS 3?!

45. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2018: Things can get better? Your life isn’t over if you don’t make it to college? Just. Things get better. We’ll go with that one. 46. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year: I’m singin’ in the rain Just singin’ in the rain What a glorious feeling I’m happy again

First Fandom of 2018: January seemed to be an ecclectic mixture of Star Wars, Harry Potter, Captive Prince, The Exorcist, and Teen Wolf before I settled into Stranger Things at the end of the month. Favorite Main Character of 2018: Ahhhh. Fuck, I don’t know. Ryan Dalias or Doug Eiffel, probably. Favorite Villain of 2018: Damien, from the Bright Sessions. He’s not... exactly a big bad, but he certainly isn’t good. Also, Billy Hargrove. Favorite M/F Couple of 2018: I actually read a lot of Jaime/Brienne this year because astolat started writing it and it was just really solidly good. Oh, Miryem and the Staryk Lord was also A++ Favorite F/F Couple of 2018: I did not read or write any, but let me tell you, I felt Isabelle Lovelace and Renee Minkowski on a fucking galactic scale. Favorite M/M Couple of 2018: Mark/Damien and Billy/Steve absolutely dominated all of my other fandoms this year. But also, Ryan/Akmazian hurts my entire heart. Fandom That You Never Expected To Get Into: The Bright Sessions? I did not expect to actually have feelings about these characters. Fandom That Made An Unexpected Comeback: Read some Harry Potter and Thor fic sporadically throughout the year. And Pacific Rim 2 hit my like a freight train. Fandom That Inspired The Most Crack: Uh. Stranger Things, I guess? Last Fandom of 2018: I mean, technically I’ve been reading more Harringrove because of the holiday exchange, but I’m still pretty hung up on Wolf 359 and the Bright Sessions. Unfortunately, neither of them really have fic? Favorite Fandom of 2018: I liked all of them, but Stranger Things and The Bright Sessions was so much of my year I’m gonna have to go with those two.

[msterofnone-blog]

jack rider ; intro, stats, verses & connections

JACK RIDER looks an awful lot like ALEX TURNER. HE/HIM are/is TWENTY NINE and while they’re FRIENDLY, they have a tendency to get pretty UNMOTIVATED. You’ve probably seen them around Kola listening to HAND IN GLOVE by THE SMITHS.

- first of all; no matter who you are or what you want, jack rider doesn’t give a shit

- he will act friendly to everybody around him & is well known, but not well liked, more feared; everybody knows that he talks shit about them behind their backs as soon as they walk away

- he was born in manchester, england & his family moved to kola when he was 10; his mother had dreams (delusions) of making it big in hollywood, and was always distant from him, and when her plans didn’t work out, she grew more and more detached from the family. they had to stay as his dad, the realist, had set up his own repair shop to sustain them - his parents stayed together but his dad worked himself to the point of exhaustion whilst his mother would sit by the window every day, unspeaking; they passed away with a month of one another when jack was 18

- he’s a mechanic in kola & fixes cars just as his dad did (i had the greaser thing planned before the greaser anon & now i feel bad) so again he comes into contact with a lot of people - this business progressed into something more as he got older

- working with cars, his first foray into the criminal world was as a getaway driver (baby driver anyone?) but he was about 18 and still pretty new, but he wanted to be something more than his dad had been so he stuck with it and made his way up through the ranks

- he now works with the gang he was first involved with in dealing through his repair shop, but its more of an open secret

- at 29, he should be getting a little restless about his future but he’s never looked to settle down, and will loudly (obnoxiously) pronounce that love does not exist - at least not for men like him

FULL NAME: jack rider PRONUNCIATION: ja-c rye-der MEANING: any man REASONING: not the type of parents to think too deeply about his name rly NICKNAME(S): ponyboy (ANYONE) PREFERRED NAME(S): jack BIRTH DATE: november 2nd 1989 AGE: 29 ZODIAC: scorpio  GENDER: male PRONOUNS: he/him ROMANTIC ORIENTATION: panromantic SEXUAL ORIENTATION: pansexual NATIONALITY: british ETHNICITY: white british CURRENT LOCATION: kola, california LIVING CONDITIONS: lives above his repair shop in an outdated flat; really only uses it to sleep in & takes no pride in looking after it

BACKGROUND

BIRTH PLACE: manchester royal infirmary, manchester, england  HOMETOWN: machester, england  SOCIAL CLASS: lower EDUCATION LEVEL: finished high school FATHER: paul rider MOTHER: flora rider SIBLING(S): n/a CHILDREN: n/a PET(S): n/a  OTHER IMPORTANT RELATIVES: n/a PREVIOUS RELATIONSHIPS: never ever one to commit so has never had anything serious  ARRESTS?: countless  PRISON TIME?: 6 months

OCCUPATION & INCOME

PRIMARY SOURCE OF INCOME: fixing cars  SECONDARY SOURCE OF INCOME: dealing  APPROXIMATE AMOUNT PER YEAR: $30k CONTENT WITH THEIR JOB (OR LACK THERE OF)?: he’s convinced himself he is & has become somewhat of a self fulfilling prophecy - he used to dream of being a writer when he was much much younger & breaking out of the cycle of the men in his family; it didn’t happen PAST JOB(S): always been an apprentice to his father, who also fixed cars SPENDING HABITS: too much on cigarettes, not on the essentials  MOST VALUABLE POSSESSION: his chevrolet 

SKILLS & ABILITIES

PHYSICAL STRENGTH: fairly strong INTELLIGENCE: used to read a lot but hasn’t in over 10 years, a mediocre writer who never got the chance to improve  TALENTS: very good mechanic   SHORTCOMINGS: anything with numbers - he always works things out by eye  LANGUAGE(S) SPOKEN: english DRIVE?: yes JUMP-STAR A CAR?: yes CHANGE A FLAT TIRE?: yes RIDE A BICYCLE?: no SWIM?: yes PLAY AN INSTRUMENT?: barely plays guitar  PLAY CHESS?: no BRAID HAIR?: yes - used to braid his mothers hair  TIE A TIE?: yes PICK A LOCK?: yes

PHYSICAL APPEARANCE & CHARACTERISTICS

FACE CLAIM: alex turner  EYE COLOR: brown HAIR COLOR: brown HAIR TYPE/STYLE: greased back always  GLASSES/CONTACTS?: nope  DOMINANT HAND: right  HEIGHT: 5′8″ WEIGHT: 156 lbs EXERCISE HABITS: lifting heavy weights when he works on cars but that’s about it SKIN TONE: on the paler side TATTOOS: 3 PEIRCINGS: one ear MARKS/SCARS: a scar on his shoulder from an ‘accident at work’ NOTABLE FEATURES: he use looks a bit mean most of the time really USUAL EXPRESSION: looking mean CLOTHING STYLE: old style greaser - the same as his father JEWELRY: rings when he’s not working & a watch ALLERGIES: n/a DIET: baD PHYSICAL AILMENTS: n/a

PSYCHOLOGY

JUNG TYPE: entj MORAL ALIGNMENT: chaotic neutral TEMPERAMENT: sanguine ELEMENT: fire APPROXIMATE IQ: 95 MENTAL CONDITIONS/DISORDERS: n/a OBSESSION(S): appearing unbothered by everything COMPULSION(S): checking his hair PHOBIA(S): relationships??? honestly  ADDICTION(S): smoking DRUG USE: he deals but won’t do anything he deals ALCOHOL USE: too much PRONE TO VIOLENCE?: too much 

MANNERISMS

SPEECH STYLE: a bit too loud and cocky  ACCENT: manchester  HOBBIES: trying in his very little spare time to play guitar but not telling anybody HABITS: smoking NERVOUS TICKS: his foot starts tapping DRIVES/MOTIVATIONS: not many at all; lives day to day FEARS: being alone with himself  POSITIVE TRAITS:  funny, friendly & loyal NEGATIVE TRAITS: violent, closed-off emotionally & judgemental  SENSE OF HUMOR: he’s funny ngl DO THEY CURSE OFTEN?: yeah CATCHPHRASE(S): ‘jack of all trades’

FAVORITES

ACTIVITY: working on cars ANIMAL: dogs BEVERAGE: whiskey  BOOK: to kill a mockingbird - harper lee CELEBRITY: mick jagger COLOR: black DESIGNER: he ain’t got a clue FOOD: bacon sandwiches  FLOWER: orchids GEM: ruby HOLIDAY:  he gets the most business (wink wink) around new year MODE OF TRANSPORTATION: ...cars MOVIE: the outsiders  MUSICAL ARTIST: the clash QUOTE/SAYING: ‘stay gold’  SCENERY: countryside SCENT: cinnamon  SPORT: football SPORTS TEAM: manchester united  TELEVISION SHOW: black mirror  WEATHER: rain VACATION DESTINATION: back home to britain

ATTITUDES

GREATEST DREAM: he has none )-: it was to write & escape what seemed to be laid out for him... it didn’t happen GREATEST FEAR: being forgotten about MOST AT EASE WHEN: working in his shop LEAST AT EASE WHEN: by himself WORST POSSIBLE THING THAT COULD HAPPEN: he lost his shop BIGGEST ACHIEVEMENT: fixing up a car on his own for his dad BIGGEST REGRET: not getting his mother to engage with him - not trying harder to MOST EMBARRASSING MOMENT: throwing a screwdriver at who he thought was his friend... it wasn’t... hospital happened BIGGEST SECRET: that he used to want to write  TOP PRIORITIES: making money 

&. VERSES

none yet!! working on it

&. WANTED CONNECTIONS

ROMANTIC.

i wanna be yours - jack fiercely disbelieves in love, and this person makes him question this long held belief (partners in crime)

leave before the lights come on - somebody jack’s being seeing for months, unwittingly (or perhaps wittingly) leading them on without seeing it as anything near serious

bigger boys & stolen sweethearts - the two used to play make believe together when they were young before one of them moved away - they’d made a pact to marry one another at 6 years old & now jack ( the love non-believer remember ) has been invited to their wedding

PLATONIC.

red light indicates doors are secure - somebody else in the same gang as jack; they’re close & watch each others backs

only ones who know - somebody who often visits his repair shop & their company & conversation lets him escape to normalcy for a few hours a week ( could become romantic!! )

fake tales of san francisco - jack finished high school but only just & has forgotten his love for words - somebody smart stumbles into his life and helps him reignite his interest ( in private, of course ) 

ENEMIES.

dangerous animals - member/s of rival gang/s cos we been knew my boy likes to fight

do me a favour - an ex from a very turbulent relationship whom jack probably hurt very badly & left without much of a thought 

&. FILLED CONNECTIONS

ROMANTIC.

none!!

PLATONIC.

none!!

ENEMIES.

none!!

[coffincoffer]

Black Sheep Characters: Anatoly

Basic

First name: Anatoly

Surname: Monroe

Middle name: James

Nicknames: Tolya

Date of birth: December 13th    

Age: 20

Physical Appearance

Height: 6”2’

Weight:

Hair: Black, shaved.

Eyes: Sharp, intelligent, accusatory. Blue color.

Distinguishing facial features: Chiseled jaw, feline eyes.

Facial feature most prominent: Cheekbones.

Bodily feature most prominent: His muscles.

Skin: Pale, rough, scarred, and tattooed. Four black bands on each lower arm.

Hands: Strong, kind of boney, and scarred.

Scars: Left lower lip, right eyebrow, knuckles on both hands, long one on his right side by his hip.

Birthmarks: None.

Physical handicaps: None.

Type of clothes: All black, ripped jeans, wife beaters, combat boots.

How do they wear their clothes: Thrown on, kind of ruffled.

What are their feet like: Combat boots, work boots.

Race / Ethnicity: Caucasian, part Russian.

Personality

Words or phrases they overuse: He likes to say shitfuck a lot and when he wants to deflect a question, he shoots out random facts.

Optimistic or pessimistic: Very much pessimistic but will surprise people when he is optimistic.

Ever put on airs: No,

What makes them laugh out loud: When people surprise him in big ways. Other than that, he just smirks a lot.

Display affection: He’s not a touchy-feely kind of person so he will be touchy-feely with them.

Mental Handicaps: Depression and he runs away at the small sign someone is going to do him wrong or will do him wrong. This stems from his parents abandoning him.

Want to be seen by others: He doesn’t care about what other people think about him.

See themselves: A rebellious, tough young adult that doesn’t give two shits about much.

Seen by others: Dangerous, feral, looks for fights.

Strongest character trait: Moral character.

Weakest character trait: Runs at the moment he suspects someone is going to do him wrong.

Competitive: Only when it comes to racing.

Make snap judgments or take time to consider: Makes snap judgments but takes time to consider with serious details.

React to praise: A little boastful but brushes it off.

React to criticism: Completely ignores it like he didn’t even hear it or will flip them off.

Greatest fear: Learning about his parents and why they abandoned him.

Biggest secrets: He’s pretty open and doesn’t like to keep secrets, thinking that he’ll owe people if he does.

Their philosophy of life: Cigarettes, Vodka, and Ink.

Last time they cried: 12th birthday when he learned he was adopted by Dom and the Monroe family.

Haunts them: Who his parents are.

They stand up for: His friends, family, and the weaker.

Who they quote: George Orwell, himself, other obscure references.

Indoorsy or outdoorsy: A mix of both.

Sinful little habit: Picking fights, and a copious amount of Vodka.

Sense they most rely on: Smell.

They treat people better than them: He doesn’t let them see his insecurities and acts like he’s just like them.

They treat people worse than them: He doesn’t believe anyone his worse than him.

Quality they most value in a friend: Trust.

They consider an overrated virtue: Valiance.

If they could change one thing about themselves, what would it be: Nothing, he thinks he’s fucking perfect.

Obsession: Reading weird facts.

 Friends and Family

Family big or small: It’s about a medium size and the only real family members are Dom and Sergey.

Consist of: Dom, the father figure, Sergey, the brother, Jamison, the clown, and Rac, the stern.

Perception of family: Pretty bad but Dom and Sergey are slowly changing it.

Siblings: Sergey is his older adoptive brother.

Describe their best friend: Trea is always there for him and forces him to do things he would never admit.

Ideal best friend: Doesn’t really have one, they just have to be loyal and trustworthy.

Describe their other friends: Trea is really his only friend, he just plays nice with some other people.

Describe their acquaintances: He doesn’t like having acquaintances, “They can’t be trusted”.

Any pets: A 150lb German Sheppard named Saint.

 Past and Future

Like as a baby: Adventurous, faster learner than everyone else.

As a child: Rambunctious, trouble-maker.

Grow up rich or poor: In the middle, Dom owns his own tattoo parlor and Sergey owns his own bookstore.

Grow up nurtured or neglected: Very much nurtured but learning of being adopted made things harder for him.

Most offensive thing they ever said: He says a lot of random curse word sentences.

Greatest achievement: Admission to college.

First kiss like: Hasn’t had a serious one yet, only ones from when he was a kid and kisses either Dom or Sergey.

Worst thing they did to someone they loved: Nothing, he would never hurt someone who loved him because he cherishes them.

Ambitions: Get his license to become a tattoo artist.

Advice would they give their younger self: Nothing.

Smells that remind them of their childhood: Old and new books, cigarette smoke, warm dinners, and ink.

Childhood ambition: Grow up to become like Dom.

Best childhood memory: All the time he spent with Dom and Sergey.

Worst childhood memory: Learning he was adopted.

Imaginary childhood friend: A blob shadow that lurked under his bed and protected him from Mr. Sandman.

The last time they were crushed with disappointment: When he learned about the adoption.

Past act they are most ashamed of: None.

Past act they are most proud of: Getting into college.

Anyone ever saved their life: Sergey saved him when he was a kid from almost drowning in a pool.

Strongest childhood memory: Every Sunday him, Dom, and Sergey had picnics for lunch.

 Love

Believe in love at first sight: Hell no.

In a relationship: “With my hand” as he likes to say.

Behave in a relationship: He doesn’t really know how since he’s never had one.

Last have sex: Never.

Sort of sex they have done: None.

Ever been in love: Nope.

Ever had their heart broken: Not by a lover, when he learned he wasn’t Dom’s real kid and Sergey ’s biological brother.

 Conflict

Respond to a threat: With fists and cutting words.

Most likely to fight with their fists or their tongue: Both, his tongue while using his fists.

Kryptonite: Trea and family.

Could only save one thing from their burning house, what would it be: His sketchbook.

Perceive strangers: Cautiously and like they’re dangerous.

Love to hate: Everyone and everything.

Phobias: Heights.

Choice of weapon: Brass knuckles, karambit.

Person do they most despise: His parents.

Ever been bullied or teased: Once, he beat those kids up.

Go when they’re angry: He drives around on his bike, usually at night or will sit in the tattoo shop just watching everyone.

Enemies: Calvin Goose and his two friends.

Why: They get into fights all the time.

 Work, Education, and Hobbies

Think about their current job: He loves it; he works at the front desk of Sergey’s bookstore.

Hobbies: Drawing, fighting, basketball, reading.

Educational background: Graduated high school and is attending college.

Work experience/occupation: Bookstore and sometimes the front desk at the tattoo parlor.

 Favorites

Favorite animal: German Sheppard.

Animal they dislike the most: Cockroaches.

Place they would most like to visit: Russia or Ireland.

Most beautiful thing they’ve ever seen:     Falling Haven Sunrises.

Favorite song: A lot of rock and dubstep.

Music, art, reading preferred:

Favorite color: White.

Password: NumbNuts666

Favorite food: Pizza.

Favorite work of art: Anything Dom creates.

Favorite artist: Dom and Sergey.

Favorite day of the week: Saturday.

 Possessions

In their fridge: Everyday things.

On their bedside table: Phone,     keys, clock, lamp.

In their car: He drives a     motorcycle.

In their purse or wallet: Debit card, credit card, and a few other things.

In their pockets: Phone, keys, cigarettes, lighter, wallet.

Most treasured possession: Saint and his adoption papers.

 Spirituality

Character’s guardian angel: Sam Cassian.

Believe in the afterlife: Agnostic.

They think of religion: “You do you, I don’t care”.

What they think heaven is: A boring place for losers.

They think hell is: A place he ’s probably going.

Superstitious: He lives in a town mostly populated by Supernatural beings.

Like to be reincarnated as: A dog.

Like to die: In no pain.

Character’s spirit animal: A guard dog.

 Values

Worst thing that can be done to a     person: Break their mind and will.

View of ‘freedom’: Doing whatever he wants that’s somewhat within the law.

Last lie: He lied to Trea about getting along with Ada and Erin.

View of lying: Do it only when necessary or if to deflect a situation.

Last make a promise: To Trea, promising that he won’t lie to himself.

Keep or break their last promise: Oh, definitely break.

 Daily life

Eating habits: He eats whatever he wants.

Any allergies: Normal allergies.

Describe their home: He and his family live in the apartment above the tattoo shop.

Minimalist or a clutter hoarder: Everything is clean except for his studio, which is a complete disaster.

Do first thing on a weekday morning: Shower before either going to school or work.

Do on a Sunday afternoon: Usually playing basketball with Trea or lounging at the tattoo shop.

Do on a Friday night: Out roaming the streets, either people watching or looking for a fight.

Soft drink of choice: Root Beer.

Alcoholic drink of choice: Vodka.

 Miscellaneous

Character archetype: Rebel.

Their hero: Dom, and later on, Erin.

Dress up as for Halloween: Original Mad Max or the Trapper from Dead by Daylight.

Comfortable with technology: Yes, but not a guru.

Could save one person: Probably Erin, since that’s what he tries to do.

Call one person for help: Dom.

Favorite proverb: Doesn’t have one.

Greatest extravagance: His motorcycle.

Greatest regret: Doesn’t have any.

Perception of redemption: Hates the idea.

Won the lottery: He wouldn’t do anything differently, probably donate it.

Favorite fairytale: Dracula, even though it’s not a fairy tale.

Fairytale they hate: Anyone with a happy ending.

Believe in happy endings: No, he despises them.

Their idea of perfect happiness: Doesn’t believe in it.

Ask a fortune teller: Is David Bowie jamming it up with Michael Jackson in heaven?

Could travel through time: He’d go to ancient Rome to watch the Colosseum fights.

Sport they excel at: Basketball and MMA.

Sport they suck at: Soccer.

[diagronnews]

Dianna Agron talks music, falling in love, and her new film, Novitiate.

Actress, singer and dancer Dianna Agron has just concluded a 4-day residence at the famed Café Carlyle, where she sang cover songs from some of her favorite artists – Bob Dylan, to name one. Her performance – which was praised by audience members and critics alike – marks the continuation of what has been a busy two years; Dianna starred in not one, but two indie films, traveled the globe, became a resident of NYC…. and did I mention, she also fell in love? She has several new projects up her sleeve, and is back on the big screen this fall, with her new film Novitiate.

PHOEBE DE CROISSE When did you start singing?

DIANNA AGRON I moved to San Francisco when I was 8 or 9. Our school was doing this musical medley, and part of that was a segment from Wizard of Oz, which was a score I had grown up listening to. My grandmother and aunt always played it. I remember thinking that if I could sing it for them, they would be so happy and proud. So without thinking too much about it, I auditioned and got the part. When you’re that young, fear really isn’t part of your makeup yet. We have this very funny video of me with the tiniest, highest voice singing ‘Somewhere over the Rainbow’ in octaves that I can no longer reach. My mom said that she had never heard me sing before that day.

PC Would you say that music has somewhat directed your path in life?

DA I do think music started it all for me. Because of my love of music, and the fact that there was always music in my house, I wanted to dance – and I danced from the age of three. I grew up watching all these musicals – Singing in the Rain and Funny Face – and I loved story-telling through song and dance. So in high school, I threw myself into musical theatre. I was as happy on stage as I was working with the crew. If the stage decoration needed more love, I would go to Michael’s and buy bits and bobs to add on, and then stay after school and work on it until I felt it was right. So it was really about the whole artistic journey. When I moved to LA, I knew I would be happy singing and dancing and acting, but also working behind the camera. As long as it was creative, I wanted to do it.

PC And then came Glee…

DA It was a whirlwind. Glee was really my everything for 5 years – I dedicated every minute to that show, and it didn’t leave space for anything else. It really helped shape me as a person, and I am so grateful to have had that opportunity. I didn’t really slow down after that either – I basically went straight from there to living in France and working on The Family. From that point on, I felt the need to take a slightly different path. I wanted to return to doing indie films, and found a lot of solace in doing so. That process is something I love more than anything – it’s organic, and crafted out of love and hard work. On indie films, you have to think on your feet, because usually, your budget doesn’t allow for additional shoot dates or big hiccups. I like the no-frills aspect of it, and oftentimes, I find the story-telling to be much more pure.

PC It seems like you’ve been working nonstop! How much did that contribute to your decision to take some time off last year?

DA Well, it was a combination of things. It was definitely a conscious to decision to hold a few things in high regard: dedicating time to fall in love and get married, showing up for my family, making up for all the years when I wasn’t in attendance at a wedding or funeral because I didn’t have the time or the choice. It’s no surprise that the time brought me immense joy and personal growth – and of course, that then spills into work.

PC Speaking of falling in love, did music play a role in bringing you and your husband, Winston Marshall (of Mumford and Sons’) together?

DA Well, luckily, I loved his music before I even met him, otherwise it would never have worked out. Now there is more music in my life than there ever has been, and it’s wonderful. Our house is riddled with amps and guitars and pianos and it’s my dream come true.

Sometimes perceived mistakes turn out to be life’s greatest gifts.

PC Your new film, Novitiate comes out next month. It’s the story of young nuns-in-training at the dawn of Vatican II, in the 1960s.

DA I didn’t know much about Vatican II when I read the script – it was a sweeping reform that was meant to bring the church into the modern world. The church did away with many of the customs that nuns had grown accustomed to, causing a huge rift and eventually 90,000 women to leave the church.

PC What in particular drew you to this project?

DA I think it was due in large part to the fact that I didn’t know anything about this time in our history. I also just fell in love with Maggie’s vision. She learned a lot about this time and was largely inspired by Mother Theresa’s book, which she said read like a teenager’s diary. There were passages that said things like “Today I was so angry with Him. He didn’t talk to me the way he used to.” And I was intrigued by this relationship, and by the fact that these women considered themselves married to God. I had never known about that aspect of their lives.

PC Yes! I was struck by that scene in the film – I couldn’t believe they actually wore wedding dresses!

DA Yes, they had an actual ceremony. It was a sacred process. So of course when Vatican II said they were doing away with all these customs that these women had grown accustomed to, they were heartbroken. The reforms undermined everything they had been led to believe and the reasons they had joined. We spoke to a couple of the women who had left, and although they expressed they had made the right choice, it was interesting to see that their mannerisms were still very much representative of that time: very prim, reserved, regimented.

PC What was the biggest challenge of this particular role for you?

DA The restriction and stillness that I had to apply to this character – that was difficult, at times. I did have to shake that at the end of the day. Every time I took off that wimple, I would find myself running my fingers through my hair and shaking my body out. This costume was restrictive in a way that I’ve never experienced on set. You’re hearing is muffled, it’s as tight as possible to your head– like a corset. It definitely was a key part of transforming into Sister Mary Grace. As soon as that wardrobe was on, I was no longer myself.

PC Did your own religion play a role in how you interpreted the film?

DA I grew up Jewish, and was rather religious until a few years after my bat mitsvah, when my dad became very sick. He lost his faith for some time because of it, and the immediate change was that for the first time in my life, we were no longer going to temple, and we were questioning. My own practices have varied over the years – I expect they will again when I have children, and have to introduce certain things to them in order for the to form their own opinions. What’s fantastic about this film is that it compels people talk to us about their own relationships to religion and their faith. Everyone who has seen the film wants to share their stories – some of them deeply personal and really moving. It’s nice to be able to have those conversations.

PC As you enter this new decade, your thirties, what are you hoping to achieve?

DA I think I have found a certain balance between work and family, and taking care of myself, and I want to preserve that, especially as I continue to grow and evolve, and as I begin to start thinking about creating my own family. I think the older you get as a woman, the more you feel you should be able to juggle a million things, and never drop the ball. And that problematic thinking builds up. I had to learn to have compassion for myself, and not judge myself so harshly. I’ve been doing these daily affirmations – it is the most positive thing, and I find it has really contributed to my overall wellbeing. Praising yourself for the things you’ve done well is a healthy practice. It’s so easy to beat yourself down for everything that hasn’t worked out the way you thought it should, for every mistake you’ve made. Plus sometimes perceived mistakes turn out to be life’s greatest gifts. It’s all about how you look at it.

Learning what is right for you – that’s the most important thing.

PC What’s one lesson you learned the hard way?

DA Not standing up for myself. There have been so many moments where I have neglected to do that, and then really regretted it. There have been moments when I didn’t, and I should have. You can’t go back in time. And I learned that lesson.

PC Any parting words of wisdom for our readers?

DA Lately, I’ve been juggling with this idea that if you’re not afraid to do something, it’s probably not the right choice. Without fear, you are not pushing the limits. I was beyond nervous to put up that show at the Carlyle, and luckily it turned into the greatest gift – a wonderful new experience. And then I’ve really been standing by the idea that you are not defined by what you say yes to, but rather what you say no to. Understanding that, and applying that to my career has been really helpful. There are so many things that people might want you to do – I have 3 agents, 3 managers, a publicist, lawyers, and they all have ideas about what is right for me. Of course, you work with these people because you trust and respect them. But every now and then, you might say no to something because it doesn’t feel right creatively. Learning to know what is right for you, that is the most important thing.

[matthxmas]

Proust Questionnaire

1. What is your idea of perfect happiness?

To be at peace, calm and relaxed for even one second of the day.

2. What is your greatest fear?

I would say losing control of myself or losing the essence of who I am, if that makes sense. I wouldn’t want to change just because of my circumstances or position.

3. What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?

My constant anxiety and knee jerk reactions from the intense army training.

4. What is the trait you most deplore in others?

Smugness. When people think that others that they are simply better than others for no good reason.

5. Which living person do you most admire?

My mother. She’s a tough cookie, I remember her being strong while my dad was in service and she always cheered me up whenever she came to visit the base.

6. What is your greatest extravagance?

My guitar is probably the biggest extravagance that I have, it was the first thing that I saved up for after I left the army. 

7. What is your current state of mind?

My current state of mind is to just make myself useful and make the best of the circumstances that I’m in.

8. What do you consider the most overrated virtue?

When I was in the army I hated the pride that some people took in their kill count. So, I guess that I would have to say that pride is the most overrated virtue. Some people need to learn to be humble.

9. On what occasion do you lie?

When it would hurt someone to say the truth and when I don’t want to worry others.

10. What do you most dislike about your appearance?

I don’t think that’s there’s anything in particular that I truly dislike, maybe the stupid cuts on my hands that I had from playing with knives in the service.

11. Which living person do you most despise?

My maker, I didn’t ask to be killed and turned into a vampire and given that he seemed to only do it to build his collection of veterans, it really angers me.

12. What is the quality you most like in a man?

Fun, funny, someone that I can rely on and trust, someone that I generally just hang with.

13. What is the quality you most like in a woman?

Kind, funny, someone I can have a laugh with, that I can relax with, someone who doesn’t make me worry that I’m worrying them.

14. Which words or phrases do you most overuse?

Words or phrases … buddy, dude, fine, I’m really not hungry …

15. What or who is the greatest love of your life?

I don’t think I can say that I have been in love with anyone like that before. I can’t answer this question yet.

16. When and where were you happiest?

When I was just joining the service and the novelty of it all was exciting, just kicking back and playing music on my old guitar during rec time.

17. Which talent would you most like to have?

I would like to be able to eat regular things without wanting to puke or it tasting like dirt.

18. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

I would change the fact that I am a vampire.

19. What do you consider your greatest achievement?

My greatest achievement probably has to be the medals that I received, it felt like I had accomplished something during my time in service.

20. If you were to die and come back as a person or a thing, what would it be?

If I were to come back as a person or a thing, I’d like to be a musical instrument of sorts. Maybe piano, pianos don’t get as beaten up as guitars do.

21. Where would you most like to live?

I think I would like to live somewhere quiet, not isolated but quiet. The reality is that I would miss the noise and the silence would drive me crazy.

22. What is your most treasured possession?

My dog tags. I have had them for a long time and it feels strange to take them off.

23. What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?

My PTSD, it’s always there but there are days where it flares up and it’s almost unbearable.

24. What is your favourite occupation?

Occupation? I can’t say that I’ve ever had a regular one? I was in the army and after that I busked and working in coffee shops … I would have to say that the army gave me purpose and that I enjoyed the structure it gave me.

25. What is your most marked characteristic?

I don’t know? Physical or personality. Physically I would have to say that my eyes are pretty dark.

26. What do you most value in your friends?

Loyalty. It was a big thing in the army and those friends were built on the basis of that, I can’t imagine being friends with someone that I can’t trust.

27. Who are your favourite writers?

I quite like Pat Barker and a little bit Tolkien never hurt anyone. The Hobbit used to be favourite book when I was younger.

28. Who is your hero of fiction?

I was such a boy scout, that I’m going to have to say that my fictional hero was Captain America. Who hates Captain America?

29. Which historical figure do you most identify with?

Historical figure. I wouldn’t be able to say for sure, my dad used to tell me about Audie Murphy. He was one the reasons why I joined, pretty inspirational guy.

30. Who are your heroes in real life?

The guys that I served with, I occasionally see them … less now, it’s really hard to explain why I always have to meet them late at night and why I don’t drink anything without worrying them.

31. What are your favourite names?

My name is pretty generic so I like names that I don’t hear very often like Victor or Emmett but that’s me.

32. What is it that you most dislike?

I really hate that I have to drink blood to survive, I do it anyways but I really don’t like it.

33. What is your greatest regret?

My biggest regret would probably be avoiding my mom when I came back from duty, I knew she was worried and I couldn’t handle it at the time. And now, I just can’t bring myself to go back and explain why I haven’t aged. 

34. How would you like to die?

Given that I already died, I can definitely say bleeding to death is not the way I’d like to go again. I’d ideally like something peacefully but since I am what I am, I really doubt that that is going to happen.

35. What is your motto?

I guess that my motto would be ‘sua sponte’, it was the regiments motto it means ‘of their own accord’.

[imagestag]

150 Motivational Quotes About Coronavirus Crisis

Quotes About Coronavirus Crisis

The Corona virus Crisis is unstoppable crisis, Now these days want to everyone knows when coronavirus will go from our country,our street, our business area,our city. but seriously we are fighting every moment, every single minute with it. that time some best author's writing some Positive Quotes About Coronavirus Crisis and These are giving Positivity about Corona Virus.....

Quotes About Coronavirus Crisis

Quotes About Coronavirus

Quotes About Covid-19

Quotes About Coronavirus Positivity

We Fight We Fight We Fight

[caption id="attachment_358" align="alignnone" width="1080"] Change Your Thoughts And You Will Change Your World.[/caption] [caption id="attachment_359" align="alignnone" width="1080"] Every Good Thing You Do Creates Ripples That You May Not See Do Them Anyway.[/caption] [caption id="attachment_360" align="alignnone" width="1080"] Everything Starts From Gratitude Everything From There All Else Lines Up For You.[/caption] [caption id="attachment_361" align="alignnone" width="1080"] Everything Starts From Gratitude Everything From There All Else Lines Up For You.'[/caption] [caption id="attachment_362" align="alignnone" width="1080"] Focus On The Why Of Life And Not The How Remembering That Where Focus Goes Energy Flows.[/caption]

Positive Quotes About Corona virus Crisis

#1: Collaboration and cooperation will beat competition every time. Think abundantly. Speak authentically. Serve willingly. You have enough. You are enough.   #2: Nothing has the power to radically change a life more than an attitude adjustment.   #3: The fastest way to get unstuck is to go do something for someone else.   #4: Success often comes to those who are too naïve to know that what they're trying to do is impossible.   #5: Sometimes the greatest gift you can give another is to ask for help. There is pleasure in giving.   #6: True wealth is celebrating the present moment.   #7: You can summit the biggest mountain by simply taking the first step.   #8: Either way you're going off the ledge. So why not jump now so God doesn't have to push you? Your wings are beautiful!   #9: To achieve your dream, see the world as you want it to be, not as it may appear to be.   #10: We make room for love when we first invite understanding into our hearts.

[caption id="attachment_363" align="alignnone" width="1080"] Follow Your Passion Listen To Your Heart Trust The Process Be Grateful Life Is Magic And Your Dreams Matter[/caption] [caption id="attachment_364" align="alignnone" width="1080"] For Today Think Positive Thoughts Believe In Yourself And Others Share Hugs And Spread Love. What Is It Nothing Else.[/caption] [caption id="attachment_365" align="alignnone" width="1080"] Having A Great Dream And Belief In Yourself Is Great But Nothing Happens Until You Take Action[/caption] [caption id="attachment_367" align="alignnone" width="1080"] In All Moments For All Reasons Love Completely.[/caption] [caption id="attachment_366" align="alignnone" width="1080"] If We Aim High And Fall Short We Still Achieve More Than By Aiming Low And Falling Short[/caption]

#1: The greatest limitations in life are the ones we place on ourselves.   #2: As you close your eyes tonight, may you know how blessed you are and celebrate with gratitude.   #3: Remember, you are an infinite being and deserve a day filled with unlimited potential.   #4: Start with your beliefs, which will lead your thoughts, which will create your actions, which will produce your results.   #5: Change requires you to shift your identity of who you are.   #6: When we focus on what we can do instead of what we can't, a world of possibility opens unto us. #7: Adversity can be turned to opportunity simply by adjusting our perception and our attitude.   #8: Play and don't take yourself or the world so seriously. Create reasons to laugh!   #9: Challenging people are in your life for a reason--love them.   #10: Never underestimate the power of an unlimited being--YOU.

Motivational Quotes About Corona Virus

[caption id="attachment_371" align="alignnone" width="1080"] In Every Moment For Every Reason Choose Love.[/caption] [caption id="attachment_372" align="alignnone" width="1080"] In Every Moment You Are The Only One Who Gets To Choose Your Attitude Choose Wisely.[/caption] [caption id="attachment_373" align="alignnone" width="1080"] In Every Moment You Are The Only One Who Gets To Choose Your Attitude Choose Wisely[/caption] [caption id="attachment_374" align="alignnone" width="1080"] In Times Of Turmoil It Matters Not That We Forgot We Are Infinite Unlimited Beings. What Matters Most Is How Quickly We Remember.[/caption] [caption id="attachment_375" align="alignnone" width="1080"] It's Only When You Have The Courage To Step Off The Ledge That You'll Realize You've Had Wings All Along[/caption]

#51: Take time each day to connect to the Divine. Trust that there is a plan even if you only see a fraction of it.   #52: The fastest way to get to the life you want is to just play make believe that you already have it today.   #53: Integrity is holding fast to our convictions regardless of the consequences and never compromising our ideals or values, even if it affects the bottom line.   #54: Ah...for the next moment, allow yourself to be a human BEing rather than a human DOing. Do nothing, just BE. Ah...   #55: If you have to doubt something, let it be your own perceived limitations. Expand, stretch and believe!   #56: When you start your day with gratitude everything falls into place with grace and ease.   #57: Go make your life the one you have always wanted, knowing you have the power to make it happen.   #58: The music of success is sweetest when you play in a band of winners. Surround yourself with excellence!   #59: With the right attitude anything is possible.   #60: Action is the step many forget when they wonder what happened to their dream. #61: Your expectations for any given situation will greatly influence the end result.   #62: In this very moment you hold the power to change someone else's life for the better. Go do it.   #63: Change your beliefs and you’ll change your thoughts. Change your thoughts and you’ll change your habits. Change your habits and your life opens to unlimited possibility.   #64: Giving is the reason for living.   #65: Above all else, be true to you.   #66: Allow adversity to be your teacher.   #67: Find people who believe in you until you can believe in yourself.   #68: The more clear you are in the vision of what you want in life, the brighter the spotlight will be to lead you on the right path.   #69: We often learn too late that we spent too much time worrying about the things that mattered least.   #70: Chances are, when you fall asleep with a prayer of gratitude on your lips, you'll wake with a song of joy in your heart.  

[caption id="attachment_376" align="alignnone" width="1080"] Life Is About Right Now In This Very Moment Not Tomorrow Not Yesterday But Now Live It[/caption] [caption id="attachment_377" align="alignnone" width="1080"] Limitations Seem Real When We Lack Faith And Belief With Faith And Belief Anything Is Possible.[/caption] [caption id="attachment_378" align="alignnone" width="1080"] May You Recognize The Passion And The Possibility In Your Day Today And Have The Courage To Follow It[/caption] [caption id="attachment_379" align="alignnone" width="1080"] Most Times Regrets Are Things We Did Not Do Not Those We Did.[/caption] [caption id="attachment_380" align="alignnone" width="1080"] Praise Is One Of The Best Yet Inexpensive Gifts We Can Give To Others.[/caption]

#71: Fear less, hope more; eat less, chew more; whine less, breath more; talk less, say more; hate less, love more; and all good things shall be yours.   #72: Abundance flows more freely to you when it continues to flow outward from you, as you pass it on.   #73: Don't let your fear of the hazards keep your ship in the harbor. Cast off your lines and sail away!   #74: If you can’t change the circumstances, change your attitude. Funny thing is, when you do, you’ll find that the circumstances often change.   #75: Size matters, so keep your dreams big and your worries small.   #76: Know that deep inside, you are resilient, brave and so much stronger and more powerful than your fears.   #77: Beyond words, beyond actions, beyond feelings--know in your core that you are loved.   #78: We can get so much further in life through collaboration rather than competition. One plus one equals eleven, not two.   #79: Problems do not define who you are unless you allow them to. Remember your magnificence. #80: To improve what shows up in the exterior of your world, first, be still and improve the interior. #81: The shortest path to success--focus on the 'what' and the 'why', not the 'how'. Works every time. #82: Your actions, thoughts and words today are but seeds for tomorrow’s garden. #83: No matter what the past may look like, without our permission, our yesterday does not have the power to determine our tomorrow.   #84: When we celebrate in advance, things have a way of lining up for us more quickly.   #85: When we look for the good and expect it to show up, we'll always find it.   #86: If we knew how loved, how Divine, how unlimited we really are, we'd see one another through tears of joy.   #87: At the end of life we're going to ask--Did I live? Did I love? Ask it now. The clock is ticking, you'd better start living.   #88: “Can't” isn't a word. You have the power to do, be or create anything.   #89: If you wait for everything to be perfect before taking action on your dream, you'll never take the first step.   #90: When we change our beliefs on the inside, we will transform our results on our outside world.

Positive Quotes About Covid-19

#91: It's impossible to be of service to others and feel sorry for yourself. Choose one.   #92: If we allow our definition of what's possible to be based on how big someone else can dream, our dream will die.   #93: Gratitude must be part magic, for when I fill my heart with gratitude, anything is possible.   #94: For the next moment, allow yourself to be a human BEing rather than a human DOing.   #95: When you focus on faith rather than fear, you tap into a strength to carry you over even the tallest of mountains.   #96: The power to change the world starts with us first changing our belief and ourselves.   #97: Our dreams have no limitations except those that we place on them.   #98: Each day take the time to reconnect and remember, you are an infinite being with unlimited potential.   #99: Treat all others as if the entire world were watching your actions.   #100: Ask, give thanks, repeat. Ask, give thanks, repeat.

[caption id="attachment_381" align="alignnone" width="1080"] Refuse To Be Denied By Someone Else Is Vision Of What Is Possible.[/caption] [caption id="attachment_382" align="alignnone" width="1080"] Remember Perspective Can Cause Two People To Look At The Same Thing And See Two Totally Different Things[/caption] [caption id="attachment_383" align="alignnone" width="1080"] Set Your Goals High And Do Something Every Day To Move Forward.[/caption] [caption id="attachment_384" align="alignnone" width="1080"] Take The Time Today To Be Good To You In Thoughts Deeds And Actions But Especially In Your Thoughts.[/caption] [caption id="attachment_385" align="alignnone" width="1080"] There Is Nothing More Important In The World Than Loving Yourself.[/caption]

#101: Abundance isn't something that you have, it's who you already are.   #102: Adversity could be the greatest gift in our life, in retrospect.   #103: Push yourself to do one thing outside your comfort zone today.   #104: A decision is nothing more than a choice to eliminate other options and follow your path with determination.   #105: We imagine the worst. If you're going to use your imagination, imagine GOOD things happening!   #106: Choose to love with all your heart, even if it sometimes breaks.   #107: We're only here to learn to love.   #108: What's happening on the outside doesn't have the power the affect what's happening on the inside, unless we allow it to.   #109: When Universal timing and our timing are different, that doesn't mean that things aren't working. Trust the process.   #110: What other people think about you isn't about you. It's about them.   #111: May you be blessed with thoughts and opportunities and take action that will create abundance in your life.   #112: Your thoughts become things. You decide. You rule. That's pretty cool.   #113: Beating yourself up doesn't benefit anyone. Focus on what you choose to create instead.   #114: Being kind to you is really being kind to me, for we are but individual parts of the same whole.   #115: Illusions can appear real but we get to choose whether or not to buy into them.   #116: When we learn to find the blessing in any situation, we've mastered this journey called "life".   #117: What would you do if you knew that your wildest dreams could come true and that you couldn't fail?   #118: Imperfect action is better than perfect inaction.   #119: With belief and action all things are possible.   #120: Sometimes the fastest way to reach your dream is to help someone else reach his or her dream.

[caption id="attachment_386" align="alignnone" width="1080"] Today Be The Person Of Your Dreams See And Act From Their Eyes.[/caption] [caption id="attachment_387" align="alignnone" width="1080"] Trust Is Knowing That We Are Exactly Where We Are Supposed To Be In Life Especially When It Doesnt Feel Like It[/caption] [caption id="attachment_388" align="alignnone" width="1080"] When Was The Last Time Worry Ever Solved A Problem Breathe And Knows That You Are Perfect In This Moment.[/caption] [caption id="attachment_389" align="alignnone" width="1080"] Who And What You Are Will Be Determined By You Not By Your Circumstances[/caption] [caption id="attachment_390" align="alignnone" width="1080"] Your Words Are Simply The Thoughts Of Yours That Will Become Things The Soonest[/caption]

#121: If you don't ask for what you want, the answer is already NO. Why not ask, and maybe the answer will be YES!?   #122: The two most powerful words in any language--“Thank you!”   #123: Realize that you have the power to do, be or create anything in your life. Anything.   #124: Nobody's perfect. We all fall down. What matters most is how quickly we get back up, learn from our mistakes and move on!   #125: You can't worry yourself out of a bad situation, but you can believe yourself out of it!   #126: How we see ourselves determines how we see the world.   #127: Gratitude, kindness and caring are more powerful than any problem you think you have.   #128: Life works better when we go with the flow rather than fight the current.   #129: Love is letting others know how much you appreciate them.   #130: Forget early--there are enough worms for all of us.   #131: Adversity forces us to focus on things we need to learn.   #132: We can't choose the number of our age, but we CAN choose the age of our attitude.   #133: Change is inevitable and those who adapt quickly are most likely to succeed. #134: Worry is the #1 thief of our time and has the power to rob you of beauty of today. #135: Live well, laugh often, love deeply. #136: With laughter or love, the more you give the more you'll receive.   #137: Sometimes we may forget who we are. But what matters most is how quickly we remember our magnificence.   #138: When you surround yourself with people who support your dreams, you will achieve success more quickly.   #139: You will go through pain in your life, but how you choose to respond to it is your choice.   #140: Even the largest of fires starts from a tiny spark. That same potential is within you, so set your dreams on fire!   #141: Laughter is not only contagious, but is experienced in a deeper way when it is shared.   #142: Life is magical when we are bold and have the courage to move forward into the unknown, rather than backwards into security.   #143: Kindness is God's reminder that we see through our eyes but connect through our hearts.   #144: Realize that what’s happening around you doesn't define who you are.   #145: Instead of cursing the darkness, be the one to light a candle.   #146: Change your attitude to “I’ll see it when I believe it ”--not the other way around.   #147: Pain may be inevitable but remember, suffering is optional.   #148: You are Divine energy in human form--you are only as limited as your thoughts.   #149: Make your life a garden where you plant seeds of possibility and water them with gratitude. #150: You are an unlimited being filled with infinite possibility--with the power to be, do or create anything that you desire in your life.