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dutchdread · 3 years ago

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No offense bro, but why are you always so protective of Cloud? No disrespect to you or anything but I've heard quite a bit of different opinions and theories on Cloud myself and I do agree with the people who say that he takes Tifa for granted. Going through trauma in the past is not really an excuse for his behavior. He also does act like he's the only one who has suffered in his life. Do you have other reason to defend him other than the fact that you "relate" to him? Just wondering.

Sorry for the late reply, my life has basically left no room for hobbies these past months. Your question is hard to reply to because I am not sure what you mean when you say I am protective of him. I guess you mean I defend his actions? Specifically in ACC? Firstly let me state that there is a difference between being a good character and being a nice character, there is also a difference between agreeing with someones actions, or just understanding them. Personally, I never really liked Cloud, especially not when I was younger. A lot of my defense of Cloud doesn't come from me personally liking him, but from me thinking he's a good character. I also think Snape is a good character, but I don't like his actions, and I don't defend them, although I still understand them to a certain degree. I should also say that as I started to understand Clouds character more, I also started liking HIM a bit more, although I still don't like the things he did, and would very likely not be friends with him. But I do understand why he did what he did and cannot be too critical of him because of that. You've probably heard that before you judge someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That's great advice, if you want to judge someone, you should imagine what it would be like to be them, however, I've noticed that too often when people try to walk a mile in someone elses shoes, they refuse to take their own shoes off first. They don't think "what would it be like to be him", they think "what would I do in that position". But Cloud is not you, and you cannot judge him by how you would act, you've not gone through the same things he has, your thought patterns aren't the same etc. This matters because too often I see people judging Clouds actions in ACC, and establishing his motivations by saying things that boil down to "If I were in his position, I would only do those actions if I loved Aerith/didn't love Tifa/whatever". But they're not Cloud, and they're not understanding how Cloud thinks, and that it's different from how THEY think. But like you said, I do see some recognizable elements of myself in Cloud, which is why I do understand his actions, and why I feel relatively certain in defending them, because I see them coming from a good place. It's common for me to react to things in a way that others find counter-intuitive. Let me give you an example, my brother once was mad at me because I had not told him my girlfriend of several years and I had broken up while I did tell a random stranger at the pub. He said that he felt like he wasn't important to me if I told a random stranger but not him. The truth was the exact opposite, I love my brother, and could not bear to face him for some reason, as I told him: "if not caring enough was the problem, then I wouldn't have told a random stranger". I see people exhibit that same lack of understanding when discussing Clouds actions, where they feel like his actions must be the sign of him just being a bad person, or not caring. But ask yourself what is more likely, that Square-enix wants their hero to be a bad person, or that you simply are misunderstanding the character? I understand why people don't get Cloud, Cloud suffers from obvious mental health issues, and mental health issues simply are not something that the general public understands, even today. Not only that, but Cloud went through the most insane series of traumatic events anyone could ever imagine. He had an alien parasite in him, saw his entire town murdered before his eyes, then saw Zack murdered in front of his eyes, then saw Aerith murdered in front of his eyes, and just when he started living a peaceful life he is forced to watch his child succumb to sickness in front of his eyes, and then he finds he himself is dying. All this on the psyche of a man who had had a fear of failure ever since he was a child, spent most of his life essentially in war, and had a severe identity crisis as well. Do you think you can honestly judge him by going "that's not what I would have done"? Would that not be incredibly

presumptuous? Have you suffered from depression as a result of severe post-war PTSD and a lifelong feeling of inadequacy combined with a fear of failure and the belief that many of your loved ones died because you failed and were inadequate? Because that's the context in which you have to view Cloud when watching Advent Children. Saying "Going through trauma in the past is not really an excuse for his behavior" is just incredibly short-sighted, your behavior is determined by who you are, and who you are is determined by what you go through in the past. You can't expect a broken child to become a well-adjusted adult when being a well-adjusted adult is the result of having a normal childhood.

I also don't want to cause offense, but this really is a mindset you should change, because this mindset is one of the most pervasive and damaging ones in our society, it's the one that probably bothers me most when I hear it because it makes zero sense. It's like breaking a robots self-repair unit, and then being angry at it on the grounds that the self-repair unit should have fixed it. It's also very insensitive in general, it's the equivalent of saying "why are you depressed, just stop being depressed", people don't choose to be depressed, people don't choose to have a fear of failure. People don't choose their emotions, they're just there. They can be influenced by behavior over time, sure, but behavior is equally influenced by who you are and your emotions, which, as mentioned before, is determined for a large part by your past. People don't just "snap out of it". They fight and fight and fight, and sometimes they win and break out of the spiral, and sometimes they lose and it breaks them.

FFVII, and especially Advent children, is all about that struggle, and during those struggles you will have high-points, and low-points. FFVII shows all of those. It shows Cloud trying, it shows Cloud wanting, it shows Cloud failing, but it also, ultimately, shows Cloud prevailing. Judging Cloud for not breaking out of the spiral by the time of Advent children, when he was mentally only barely 18 years old, and when he started at the worst place anyone could ever imagine, is just not reasonable. It's the modern day equivalent of "let them eat cake", something that can only be said from the place of privilege of not knowing what the struggles of the people you're critiquing are actually like. So having that out of the way, lets look at Clouds actions from the perspective of Cloud. Cloud is a young boy, and he's in love with the girl next door, he wants to get her to notice him. One day said girl walks up a mountain and he follows, she falls off a bridge and ends in a coma. Cloud followed her because he's in love with her, and he gets the blame from the adults. Cloud internalizes this, and its important to imagine what this must be like for a child, to have the adults all tell him it's his fault that the person he loves ended up hurt. "your fault", "your fault". Afterwards Cloud starts thinking Tifa hates him and starts acting out. I think this is a good moment to point out btw that this child has no father figure. This is the start of his feelings of failure and inadequacy, he blames himself for not being able to protect Tifa, failure number 1, he thinks that if he were strong, he'd be able to protect her, he thinks that if he were like Sephiroth, then even Tifa would have to notice him. Now until this time Cloud is not an asshole, he's a bit of a rebellious kid yes, but notice that he's not a bad kid as much as he's a kid who wants to protect someone, has no direction, and is acting out. So Cloud thinks he's not good enough, but he leaves town confident that he'll become good enough, and even makes a promise to Tifa. All this follows logically from what we know about Cloud, and tells us a lot about how deeply seated these feelings are. Becoming Soldier wasn't a small thing, not some small passion project that he just came up with one day, it's the result of the things that happened in his childhood and he left everything behind make it so. He told the girl he loved, he promised, he boasted. And then he failed. Failure number 2. He comes back to Nibleheim and can't bear to look Tifa in the eye and admit that he couldn't do it, that he's a failure. His entire life so far has revolved around this and he wasn't good enough. So here we have Cloud, not in a great mindset, thinking he's a failure, and what happens? His entire town is murdered by the person he admired, someone he worked with. His Mother is killed, and Tifa, the girl he PROMISED to protect, gets slashed open so badly that apparently she needed to have her ribcage reinforced with metal. I think we can all agree that this by itself would be enough to potentially scar a person for life. (Cloud, not Tifa XD) So what's next for the boy who left town in order to become a hero? Well, he gets captured and experimented on for 4 years, during which his mind and sense of identity is bombarded with memories and knowledge of the lifestream in the form of mako, muddying up his thoughts. Cloud already had a weak sense of self as a result of his childhood, it's why he failed to enter Soldier and now this distaste for who he is makes him extra susceptible to Jenovas influence. The next thing Cloud sees, (he didn't consciously experience the 4 years of mind-fuckery) is his best friend getting killed trying to protect him, because Cloud wasn't strong enough. Failure #3. At this point, in Clouds mind the list of people dead because he could not protect them, because he's a failure, include his mother, his entire town, his best friend, and as far as he knows, the girl he loves. This is his life. His mind is broken, he hates himself, he doesn't want to be himself,

he has a mind-altering parasite inside of him trying to adjust his identity and Clouds just goes "I reject this reality and constitute my own". And why wouldn't he? Why wouldn't he want to live in a fantasy world where he wasn't a failure, where he made it into soldier, where he was cool and successful and not a disappointing failure? Zack tells him to be his living legacy and Cloud goes with it, then he runs into Tifa, Jenova adjusts Cloud further based on Tifas memories of them and rejoined with the girl for whom he joined Soldier Cloud is unconsciously all too willing to play the part. FFVII starts and it doesn't take long for the cracks in his fake persona to show, he meets Aerith, and becomes her bodyguard. He gets to be the hero he always wanted to be. But then, even as "Cloud strife, soldier first class", Cloud is still a failure, the plate still drops, killing thousands, he gives Sephiroth the black materia, he beats up Aerith, and ultimately, fails to save her as well. Tifa was the First Failure, and Aerith was the Final Failure. Even as a soldier, Cloud still couldn't save anyone, he loses even more faith in himself, he doesn't know who he is, he doesn't trust himself, and then when he also loses Tifas trust in who he is, he just breaks and gives over to Jenova/Sephiroth. Even Hojo calls him a failure. Cloud feels like a nobody. Now mentally weakened, under the influence of jenova cells, he gives Sephiroth the black materia AGAIN, and meteor is summoned. Another entry on the long list of moments Cloud can look back on in shame later on in life. He falls into the lifestream and again his psyche is under attack. We know what happens afterwards, Tifa finds him, cares for him, and saves him through his feelings for her. Cloud realizes who he is, realizes he's weak, and goes after Sephiroth without lying to himself. In the end he defeats Sephiroth mentally and is supposedly rid of his direct influence.

But that doesn't mean that this mentally 17 year old is now fine, we should remember these events when analyzing ACC. Cloud has been in constant fighting/war/peril ever since he left home as a child, and is now a traumatized 17 year old in a 21 year olds body. Novels and other materials give us an insight into how Cloud thinks during these times, and how he thinks about himself. We hear him say that he's going to live because that's the only way he can atone for his sins. He talks about wanting to change, and about believing he can change because he now has Tifa. He's a man (boy) who just exited war, and wants to be positive, but is still clearly blaming himself. We see that this initially goes well, we are told that Cloud experiences peace and happiness that he's never experienced before. We're also told about the things that make it go badly, when he has to deliver flowers to the ancient city for instance. While Cloud regained the sense of who he was the belief that he wasn't good enough, that he was a failure, was never solved, if anything it was put on hold until he got his memories back, and now he is forced to deal with it.

While he is no longer directly manipulated by Sephiroth he's still suffering from PTSD and, most notably, survivors guilt. He blames himself for the deaths of Zack and Aerith in particular, and starts visiting the church. Now most people might think it's natural to avoid places that make you feel bad about yourself, but that's not how a depressed person thinks, Cloud thinks he deserves to feel badly he WANTS to punish himself, he WANTS to feel bad. He's ashamed of the moments where he's carefree and laughing with Tifa. Why should he get to be happy when Aerith and Zack are dead because of him? He shouldn't be happy, he should be in pain, he should remember them, not doing so would be an insult to their memories, he must never forget how he failed them! That's how Cloud is thinking. We know of course that this is non-sense, Aerith and Zack wouldn't want this, if anything it's this mindset that is tarnishing the memories of Aerith and Zack, but that's not how a mentally unwell person thinks. Cloud wants to atone, and thinks he finds salvation in Denzel, whom he finds at Aeriths church. He thinks that by saving this life, he can, in some way, make up for all the death he caused. Tifa has a similar belief when she finds out Denzels parents died in the plate crash. And when Denzel joins the family, and Cloud has path towards redemption in his mind, things start getting better again. Because this is the cause of the problems Cloud is having in ACC. When Nojima says:

first off, there’s the premise that things won’t go well between Tifa and Cloud, and that even without Geostigma or Sephiroth this might be the same

This is the conflict he's talking about, he's not saying "Tifa and Cloud are incompatible, it has nothing to do with Sephiroth", he's saying "if Sephiroth didn't show up during Advent children, Cloud and Tifa would still be having problems because Cloud is going through survivors guilt."

But the good times don't last, Denzel has Geostigma and Cloud cannot find a cure, Denzel....is going to die. Cloud, has failed again. Not only that, but Cloud catches Geostigma....Cloud is going to die. And THIS is why Cloud leaves in Advent children. And you have to look at this as Cloud. Cloud said he was going to live to atone for his sins, but instead he's going to die. He won't atone for his sins, even worse, he's going to leave Tifa and Marlene behind. He failed again. He couldn't protect Denzel, he potentially brought an infectious disease into their house as well. Literally all Cloud can think about is that literally everything he's ever tried has ended in failure, everyone he's ever tried to protect, he's failed at. Do you understand how easy it would be for a person like this to fall into the trap of thinking "I deserve to die", "I don't want Tifa and Marlene to see me die", "Tifa and Marlene are better off without me anyway", "they'd be happier if I weren't here". Etc. Now we know this is nonsense, but come on, how many instances have you heard of depressed people genuinely believing that their loved ones would be happier and better off if they just didn't exist? However, throughout the movie, Zack, Tifa, and Aerith, all confront Cloud, and urge him to not give up. Cloud eventually does try again, and ultimately finds redemption not by being stuck in the past, but by letting the past rest and be beautiful (a lesson Cleriths unfortunately never learned). "I never blamed you you know, not once" "I want to be forgiven. By who?" "Isn't it about time you did the forgiving?" In the end, Cloud moves on, and therefore, so do Zack and Aerith. Aerith and Zack walk into the light, Cloud plants flowers on Zacks grave, and lets Zacks buster sword rest in Aeriths church, now no longer rusting, but shining. Instead of the past being a negative reminder, Cloud lets the past be beautiful. Cloud was doing Aerith and Zack a disservice by remembering them the way he did, because it was ruining his life, it wasn't a good thing, but it did come from a good place, from a good man whose ashamed of not being good enough. Yes, it harmed Tifa, people going through these things often do hurt those around them, but it's not because they're bad people, or even weak, but because people are imperfect and Cloud has gone through hell, both internally, and externally. Are his actions really that weird or deplorable? "He didn't even go save the kids!" Yes, he's hesitant about saving the kids, why shouldn't he be? Everyone Cloud tried to protect or save, ended up maimed or worse, or as Cloud puts it: "I can't even save myself". "He left Tifa alone!" Yes, he thinks he's going to waste away and die, can you blame him for not wanting to put Tifa through that and for thinking she'd be better off without him? "He drinks!" Wouldn't you?! Who wouldn't want to forget that stuff? But in the end, He's only gone for about a week, he never intended to harm Tifa, he never physically harmed Tifa or cheated on her, his entire life revolved around wanting to be better for Tifa and blaming himself when he wasn't good enough, how is it reasonable to say this man takes Tifa for granted when the fact that he thinks he has to BE BETTER in order to be worthy of being with her has been a constant throughout his entire life and story? He DOESN'T take Tifa for granted, that's why he's beating himself up, that's why he leaves, not because he thinks he's better than her, or that he'll always have her, or that she'll follow him like a dog, or something like that. But because of the opposite, because he thinks HE is not good enough, that SHE would be better of without him. Saying Cloud takes Tifa for granted, is honestly, simply, wrong. It's 180 degrees the opposite of what is happening in FFVII, the biggest constant in Clouds life, is that he doesn't take Tifa for granted, and I don't understand how anyone could argue otherwise.

#cloti #FFVII #ffvii crisis core #ffvii advent children #ffvii remake

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lanwinograd-blog · 3 years ago

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Topic:Men's RIghts Movement

During the very late hours of November 8, 2016 and early morning November 9, 2016, I sat in shock along with the rest of the country. The most qualified person to ever run for President had been defeated by a bumbling, sexist, clown. How did this happen? What actually happened? I spent a lot of time dissecting the election, and of course I ended up looking at whether or not gender played a role. Four years later Biden would pretty easily defeat the clown. The 2016 election was so close I wondered “if Hillary were a man, would she have won? How many people voted against her just because she was female?” While I watched the Trump supporters (of the asshole variety) gloat on Facebook, I would occasionally see people post “A win for men! A woman can’t be President. The Men’s Rights Movement Survives!” It goes without saying that anyone who said that repulses me…but “men’s right’s movement?” WTF is that? It sounded like a White Power thing…something that would repulse me…however, I had to do my research, to prove to myself it was nonsense…and, spoiler alert…for the most part it is, but not completely.

Now, let me get something out of the way right now…there are many hateful organizations that cloak themselves are fighting for “Men’s Rights.” Incels, the Proud Boys, the Oath Keepers, etc. I always assumed that anyone who supported even examining “Men’s Rights” was filled with hate. Well, I’m not filled with hate. I’m a feminist…and I don’t identify that way in an effort to get laid…cause well, although I’m not an “incel” I’m incel. (get it…hahaha). As I started my research I was lead to the “documentary” titled “The Red Pill.” Great…a documentary making some stupid Matrix analogy. Before I watched it I did a little research on it…it was funded by Prager University and Milo Yiannopoulos. Greeeattt…a movie funded by an organization I hate with a passion, and a person I hate with a passion. Ohh, and the person interviewed the most was Paul Elam…(male backwards…coincidence? mmmmm) who is quoted as saying “P---- is the only real empowerment women will ever know. Put all the hopelessly wishful thinking of feminist ideology aside and what remains is the fact that it is men and pretty much men only who draw power from accomplishment, who invent technology, build nations, cure disease, create empires and generally advance civilization. Women whether acknowledging it makes us feel warm and fuzzy or not, depend on men for all of that and the only tool they have at their disposal to have any sort of influence on any of it is the power of p---- and p---- is powerful indeed…Sexual robotics may well prove to be the best thing that ever happened to women from the standpoint of their humanity.... what would that do to the vast majority of women who would suddenly have to prove their worth as human beings beyond simply being the owners of said p——." I was not excited to watch this but I had to if I was going to write about it…however much I thought the whole concept was nonsense. So, as promised, I watched it, and yes, most of it was not reality based. Making dumb points that “Women and children are always brought to safety before men in an emergency” and “women should make less than men cause they live longer.” Honestly, I don’t even see how one had bearing on the other…and that “men are victimized in domestic violence situations almost as much as women.” Wait…is that true? The first two were opinion and the third was an actual statement of fact. Now, I wasn’t going to trust anything this movie said so I had to do my research. The answer surprised me…of course it was no…women are the victim quite a bit more, but the number of male victims was not as low as I originally had thought. “The crime survey’s stats also showed that 3.8% of men (equal to 786,000) and 7.5% of women (1.6m) were victims of domestic abuse in 2018/19. As ManKind points out: ‘For every three victims of domestic abuse, two will be female, one will be male.’”(National Domestic Violence Data Base). However while this is true, there is only one domestic violence shelter for men in the entire United States. This also can be misleading because the majority of DV shelters are unisex. Now, the movie pretty much had the thesis “someone cannot be a feminist if they admit males are disadvantaged AT ALL.” I disagree with this whole heartedly…because just looking at certain statistics…males are disadvantaged. Keep in mind, I identify as a feminist. Now, it goes without saying that if you take list and write the ways women are discriminated against the way men are discriminated against, you might have a mile high list for the women, and half a sheet of paper for the men. But the half a sheet of paper is not zero. It’s those things I would like to discuss. Now, let’s get some faulty statistics out of the way…you know, the ones the movie pushes. 93% of work places deaths are men…true but out of context…men typically have more physical jobs due to genetic makeup and women have just recently been taking part in these jobs. The movie states that 90% of the homeless population is men…that is just a flat out lie…it is 60%. The movie states that 90% of suicides is the United States are men. While that is not true, the number is 78%. Why this disparity. The only conclusion I could come up with is that men, throughout history have been taught to hide their emotions or they will come off as “a p—-.” I even have examples in my own life where I held back true emotion under fear of being ostracized. One thing that wasn’t mentioned in the movie but has always bothered me from observed experiences is false allegations against men. Whenever someone comes out against a politician or celebrity and accuses them of rape and/or sexual assault men are asked to fall in line, and not voice any other opinion other than “the woman is telling the truth.” I have encountered this twice in the past year. The first time was when I posted that Aziz Ansari did nothing wrong and the I did not believe the claims of Tara Reade against Joe Biden. Holy hell did men and women come after me like I was a woman-hating chauvinist pig. I pride myself in not being that; however I was called things I will not mention in this rant…but they were bad. Before I get myself into too much trouble, let me say that I believe every sexual assault allegation should be taken very seriously and thoroughly vetted by the police and any other agency that looks into it…however, that doesn’t mean they are all true. I will often times be told…only 8% of rape accusations end up being false…so the numbers speak for themselves. Actually, it’s 5.9% but I do believe that number is out of context. That number (5.9%) are rape allegations that are proven…100% to be false by either a confession of the woman, DNA showing it was another man, or proof that the man accused was in another state or country. However, the amount 44.9% of rape accusations are not handed over to the prosecutor. That number can also be misleading because prior to the #metoo movement…there was the ethic that “boys will be boys”…and I’m happy that is dead because it is offensive. I do predict the number of rape accusations handed over to the DA office will go up, but the amount not handed over will never be as low as 5.9%. Also, if a man and a woman are both blacked out drunk and have sex, the likelihood of the man getting arrested is much higher than the woman. The one place, and yes, only one, where I believe the woman has every advantage over the man is in Family Court. First, I am as pro-life as they get. Once a woman is pregnant is totally her choice whether or not to keep the baby…the man had a choice when he choose to have sex and put himself in that position…and that is probably 99% of the time…however, what about that 1% (these aren’t actual statistics). There are two types of men that have to be looked at here…married and unmarried. First, lets look at unmarried men. If an unmarried man is the father of a woman’s baby, he must pay child support…no questions, with only two exceptions (unless the woman doesn’t want it or another man adopts the child). However, would you believe that “sperm stealing” is actually a thing? I honestly though it just happened on lawyer shows and cop shows. Examples of this really are limited to a woman telling a man she is on the pill (probably cause of the heat of moment) while she is not. The movie quoted a Nigerian Story where a hotel maid took a condom out of the garbage and impregnated herself. Well, upon further research…that ended up being a satirical story with no truth to it. The movie also claimed that women use other “sexual techniques” to get the sperm, and than impregnate themselves with it…I could not find any examples of such. However, female on male rape is a real thing, admittedly much rarer than it’s counterpart, where once the woman gets out of jail, she can fight the man for custody…assuming she did not put the child up for adoption and the man is the sole custodian. When it comes to married men, their are much sadder stories. One thing the movie showed that I thought was insightful (and there weren’t many), was a woman on “The Wendy Williams Show” saying she wanted to have another child but her husband didn’t, so she was going to “trick him” and THE ENTIRE AUDIENCE clapped with approval. Here are some statistics that really made me think…and I’m still thinking: Fathers are granted custody only 18.3% of the time Mothers are awarded child support nearly 2 times as often as fathers are Fathers are awarded nearly 10% less, on average, in child support Fathers receive less of the awarded child support than mothers 69% of people surveyed believe that having two parents in the home is essential to a child’s happiness More than 25% of fathers live apart from their children Only 10% of nonresident fathers help their children with their homework Nearly 60% of fathers who do not get custody, speak to their children on the phone 4 times a month or less Over 25% of fathers who do not get custody, have zero in-person visits with their children each year Nearly all (97%) of the fathers surveyed agree that the rewards of being a parent are worth the costs/work that go into it. (National Institute of Divorce and Custody) Believe it or not…their are some good men out there. Men who want to be in their child’s life…I would actually say that is probably the majority; but being the woman holds the baby for nine months, it would appear she is preferred once those nine months are over. One of the saddest issues is false paternity. In all 50 states, when a married woman gives birth, the husband is legally deemed to be the father. However, what if he isn’t? What is the woman had an affair? Irrelevant. It is also illegal to perform a paternity test on a baby without either the mother’s consent or a court order. In these situations there are two male victims. First is the husband, who could be raising a child that is not his…and if he finds out the child is not his, he will be on the hook for child support anyway and has already formed an emotional connection with the child. The second victim is the biological father who will have NO LEGAL rights to a child that is biologically his. While asshole men might see this as a blessing…I have personally met men who have become suicidal over this. In conclusion, I am not a Men’s Rights Advocate…I am a feminist. However, I enjoy ranting on issues that people don’t talk about…all the way from porcupines to men’s rights…that doesn’t mean I fall on any side. I believe that in order to gain equality we have to work on and focus on how females have been discriminated against over the years; but to just ignore the (albeit few) ways men are discriminated against is irresponsible.

#Men's RIghts Movement

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funkymbtifiction · 5 years ago

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I've read your post about you being a Fi. I have had to learn, when I feel a swell of Fi-ish judgment rising within me, to stop and ask myself why I care what other people ... Because my instinctive response is “if you don’t agree with my opinion, you’re wrong. :P” … and go away mad." How to deal with it? My Fi kills me when I read posts or fanfics of people, f.ex. where they bash chars I care about. I want to argue, I want to rip them apart. I usually don't. But it is HARD!!!

I agree that feeling angry about people bashing characters you care about is hard – because you value that character, admire them, relate to them, or just plain like them – but it’s symptomatic of a much larger Fi ‘tendency’ which is to judge things stridently on moral terms.

Fi’s have their own internal census of what they consider to be good / bad, and it is often black and white. The younger the Fi, the more moralizing and rigid these moral judgments can be – but they usually soften as they get older, gain more life experience, and see that people all have much different experiences than they do. They broaden their understanding of what certain situations demand of people, and that enables them to find greater compassion for ‘where others are coming from.’

I’ll give you a serious real-life example. I was adamantly against legislation that would allow ‘assisted suicide’ on moral principle, until I watched my grandfather slowly die over two weeks – in tremendous physical pain, while I watched it wreak devastating emotional pain on my entire extended family. It was one of the worst experiences of my life, both for my own hatred of seeing someone in pain and the anguish of wishing he could just ‘go’ to avoid it, and because of the great suffering it caused. He could have chosen to overdose on his morphine – but he did not. That was his choice. I admire him for that. I would not ‘take away’ his choice. But it made me realize that a lot of my pre-set views… are not formed through actual personal experience, and when I go through it, many of them may change and others might not. A Fi who had never gone through that, never seen or felt or known what it is like, might hold a view strongly in one or another direction on that issue and argue fiercely for it. But it comes from a place of internal abstract ethics and not from literal experience.

Whenever I meet anyone I disagree with, I have to:

remind myself that they have their own life experiences, they have reasons for the views they hold, and there is a human being behind that opinion – whether it is something that is, in the long term, meaningless (like which two characters are going to wind up together) or life-altering like a political or religious belief.

ask myself why I am so upset about their opinion, and why it feels like a personal attack? If someone holds a view, why do I Fi-ishly have to make it all about me, and my reaction to it, rather than just being ‘okay’ with someone else not liking something or sharing an opinion that I hold? I then ask myself why I am feeling this way and why that thing matters to me?

whether this is something important enough to discuss with them or not? Many opinions are just opinions, and however much I might not like them, they are not actually hurting me or anyone else in any real way. Name-calling is not life-threatening. Someone not liking my favorite ship from my favorite show isn’t going to hurt me beyond feelings of mild resentment.

find out more about this person, and ask non-offensive questions to ‘feel them out’ more. Oftentimes, someone you disagree with can become a friend in time, or at least someone whose opinion you ‘understand’ from having talked to them more about why they hold the views that they do. 10 years ago, I would never have tolerated some of the friends I have now in the sense that we are very different politically and religiously – but in spending time talking to them, hearing them out, listening and not feeling threatened by their opinions even when I don’t agree with them, it has helped me ‘grow up’ my Fi into realizing that I don’t have to have everyone agree with my stance all the time to feel ‘okay.’

Something I encourage doing is that you allow yourself to feel angry, upset, or whatever, because you have every right to be hurt when people, especially those you love most, cannot see things your way. Do not invalidate your own opinions or feelings or think you are not allowed to have them, but DO calm down, take some deep breaths, and ask them questions to determine how they reached their conclusions and what drives their passionate response.

I ask myself if this were my post, how would I feel about that comment / getting that response? That diffuses my frustration a little bit, since it brings the focus back to reminding me that on the other side of that opinion is a PERSON with FEELINGS. Who has insecurities, anxieties, and life experiences that are not mine, and who is on a journey just like I am, toward ‘being themselves.’ In time, their views may change. They may not. It’s really none of my business. The only thing I have to live with right now is whether I intend to bring misery into their life by being ‘that jackass who responded to me online today.’ I believe in treating others as you would want to be treated, and for me, that means being kind. When I am unkind, I feel like crap about myself. I would rather not deal with that. So… I try to be nice / kind to others, for their sake and mine.

I remind myself that however I feel about it, the world is not a black and white place and not everyone has to live in accordance to my beliefs. This is important. I have a legitimate reason to feel offended, to hold my own views, and to stand by my morals – but zero right to impose my morality, views, or opinions on anyone else against their will. That is not the way to live or the person I want to be. It’s hard, but I remind myself that I am only in charge of, and responsible for, myself. I am the only person who has to ‘live’ with myself forever, therefore I should always act in accordance to what I know is right.

Above all, be kind to yourself. You are not going to change overnight. And being upset, for example, because someone hates Ben Solo or thinks he’s a crap villain / the worst thing to happen to Star Wars doesn’t make you immature, it makes you human. It’s fine to vent to a friend who shares your opinion. ;)

- ENFP Mod

#question #mbti #enfp #infp #esfp #isfp #introverted feeling

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queenmylovely · 5 years ago

Text

Joyeux Noël

Summary: Gwilym lee x fem!reader. Will this perfect Parisian vacation with Gwil ever come to an end?

Word Count: 2.9k

Warnings: fluff, angst, cussing, Rick Steves and Marie Antoinette are mentioned

A/N: This is my gift for @local-troubled-writer for @dtfrogertaylor Thank God It’s Christmas event 🎄 I’m so anxious/excited for you to read this, and I hope you enjoy it! This is my first time writing for Gwil, and although there’s not a ton of dialogue and stuff, I hope his loving nature really came through in the story! I hope you all like it, and any feedback including likes, replies, reblogs and asks are greatly appreciated! Especially replies, messages, and asks are super helpful for my writing ‘cause I get to hear what you think! Remember to check out all the awesome stuff everyone’s creating for tgic!!

Masterlist

(from left: Champs-Élysées, Palace of Versailles, Eiffel Tower, Gwil, Parisian Christmas market possibly at Notre Dame, Arc de Triomphe, & gardens at the Palace of Versailles)

🌲🌲🌲

Going to Paris during the Christmas season had been a dream of yours for a while. It was always shown as so pretty during the holidays in movies and on TV, and there was no lack of influencers and celebrities in your Instagram feed posting amazing pictures of themselves there over the years. So, when Gwilym told you that he had the entire month of December free and that he wanted to take you somewhere before going to spend Christmas with your family, you immediately suggested Paris. Luckily, Gwilym thought it was a great idea and agreed right away. The two of you booked for the 15th through the 21st, making sure to pack well for the weather, but leave enough room in your suitcases for any souvenirs or gifts you would bring back.

The lead-up to the trip was filled with excitement, and the night before the flight, you could hardly sleep. As Gwilym tried to fall asleep, you kept waking him up for different little things that you should pack or that you were excited for in Paris. Every time he would remind you that “you have indeed already packed that,” or that “yes it is all very exciting,” but quickly tried going back to sleep. Finally, you settled down and fell asleep after he held you in his arms tight enough so that you couldn’t get up and check on your suitcase and had no choice but to fall asleep with him.

The flight was of course early and very long, but neither you nor Gwil were able to fall asleep on the plane. You hoped that you wouldn’t end up being too jet-lagged when you first got to Paris. After a layover or two, the plane landed in Paris at 8:00pm local time. The two of you got a cab to the airbnb you were staying at and immediately crashed in the bed. Which meant that you woke up promptly at 5:00am, much earlier than either of you would’ve, but it did mean you got to go have fresh, warm bread at an actual French bakery, an experience totally worth the lack of sleep.

While you had researched and suggested a bunch of places you wanted to go to while in Paris, Gwil, ever the planner, had been the one to make it into an itinerary. So, you were on a strict schedule each day. The first day was exploratory since you were staying in the 8th arr., about a block away from the Champs-Élysées. You walked up and down the famous avenue, stopping in chic boutiques, visiting the Champs-Élysées Garden, stopping in cafés when you got hungry or wanted a hot drink, and finishing the day out at the Arc de Triomphe. The entire lane leading up to it had been strung with lights that gave it the perfect atmosphere for the holiday season and made for some great photo opportunities too.

_____

The next three days were spent going to different Christmas markets, including Le Village de Noël at Les Halles, Abbesses Christmas Market at Montmartre, and the Villages de Noël at Champs de Mars and La Défense. All of them were similar, but each one had something unique that you hadn’t seen at any of the previous ones, and every one had its own special atmosphere that couldn’t be replicated.

Your fifth day there was spent almost entirely at the Louvre. Normally, an entire day at an art museum might’ve become a little boring, but Gwilym seemed to know a little something about every exhibit and display you went to and managed to keep things interesting the entire time. It wasn’t until more than halfway through the museum that he let it slip that he had listened to all of Rick Steves’, of Rick Steves’ Europe fame, audios about the museum on the plane ride over. It was still pretty impressive that he had managed to retain all of that information and deliver it interestingly, but he said that as an actor it had been a breeze.

For your last stop before going back to the apartment, you went to the Eiffel Tower, feeling the magic of Paris and the holiday season wash over you.

The sixth day started with a fantastic brunch at a nice restaurant and then you went shopping, trying to find the more hidden locally-owned shops off the beaten path. You went back to the airbnb with many bags, successful in finding gifts for everyone on your list. Then, you got all dressed up because you had booked tickets to see a production of The Nutcracker Ballet. You had dinner at a fancy restaurant and then went to the performance. The dancers were amazing, as were the lights, music, and sets that made the whole thing a magical experience and the perfect cap to your week in Paris.

The two of you went to bed early on that last day, ready to get up in time to pack up, have a quick breakfast, and make it to the airport with plenty of time before your flight. It had been an amazing week, but you were excited to go back home to see your family. That is, until you woke up the next morning to a message from your airline stating that all flights out of Paris were canceled due to an inversion that covered the entire city and trapped the fog in the air so there was zero visibility for pilots during take off and landing. There was no word on when the airports would be open again because it all depended on the weather.

“Oh my gosh, Gwil, what are we going to do?” you asked him after reading the message to him off your phone.

“I don’t know, darling. Maybe it will just be closed one day and we can fly out tomorrow,” Gwilym replied hopefully. “I’ll reach out to the airbnb host and ask if we can extend our accommodations. You should call your family and let them know what’s going on.”

Gwil walked to the other room so that you could make your call without interference. You called your mom and let her know the situation, and that you would keep her apprised of any updates. She told you to make the most of your extra day in Paris and not to worry too much about the flights. You would get home eventually, and no one was going to hold the weather against you. After thanking her and telling her to tell the family that you love them, you hung up, and went to join Gwilym in the other room.

“What’d your mum say?” he asked as you walked in.

You joined him on the couch and leaned your head on his shoulder, “She just said that they understand and it’s not my fault. She told me not to worry too much and just try to enjoy another day in Paris.”

“She’s a smart one, your mother,” Gwil commented and you nodded.

“What about our host?” you asked.

“Well there’s good news and there’s bad news. The bad news is that they already have people booked for later today. But the good news is that they have another place in the area, and they’re going to give us a discount, you know, in the holiday spirit,” he told you, rubbing his hand up and down your arm soothingly.

“That is mostly good news. Well, should we get up and pack our stuff? Isn’t check out in an hour?” you suggested, moving to stand up.

Before you could stand fully, Gwil pulled you back down, hugging you closer to him, “Just five more minutes of relaxing on the couch, and then we’ll get up, yeah?”

“Fine, but just five minutes,” you acquiesced, settling back into him.

True to your word, after the five minutes were up, you made Gwil get up with you and pack up all of your things. Luckily, it only took about half an hour, giving you plenty of time to do some last minute tidying up of the place. The two of you left and immediately went to the new airbnb, not wanting to have to carry your luggage around the city.

As soon as you got in the door, you noticed that this apartment had been decorated all-out for Christmas. The last one hadn’t been, for unknown reasons, but it felt good to at least be in a decorated apartment so close to Christmas. It had lights everywhere, little Santa figurines, garland, and even a medium-sized fake tree that was decked out with more lights and ornaments.

Once you set down your things in the bedroom though, you got another notification on your phone from the airport.

“Shit!” you cursed after reading it.

“What’s wrong?” Gwil called from the other room, jogging lightly to see what was up.

“The airport is officially closed for the next two days, and there are warnings past that. We’re stuck here for sure until at least the night of the 23rd,” you explained, feeling your voice getting shaky with worry and stress.

“Hey, hey, it’s okay,” Gwil said, pulling you into a comforting hug. “I’m sure it’ll all work out.”

“I just-- just really want to spend Christmas with my family and you all together. It’s not going to be the same without all of them. No offense,” you added quickly, not wanting to make him feel unappreciated.

“None taken, love,” he said with a laugh. “I know you’re very close with your family. I’m looking forward to spending the holiday with them too.”

Gwil just held and comforted you for a bit and then he spoke up, “I’ve just had an idea. You know how we wanted to go to the Palace of Versailles but it didn’t fit in the schedule? Since we know we’ll be here all day, why don’t we take the train out there tomorrow?”

“That sounds perfect. You always know how to cheer me up,” you responded, pulling back from the hug and going on your tip-toes to give him a sweet kiss.

“It is my most solemn duty,” he said with a mock serious face before breaking into a grin and laughing. You joined his laughter, feeling much happier and more relieved than when the day started.

The rest of the day was spent doing a quick grocery shop to get supplies for the next two days and then on a walk to get acquainted with the different neighborhood you were staying in. It was called Ternes and was just outside of the Champs-Élysées, and as such was a bit more residential and less busy. There were still lots of cafés, shops, and people around though.

The next morning, you took an early train to the Palace of Versailles. The grounds themselves were gorgeous covered in snow. Not to mention the actual palace. Growing up, you had read a princess book about Marie Antoinette, and it was wild to see where she had actually lived. Each of the rooms was so decadently ornamented with the finest fabrics, furniture, and paintings. It was like stepping into a painting or history book, it was almost a surreal experience to see it all. This time, it was you explaining things about Marie Antoinette’s life to Gwilym, with his rapt attention.

The train ride back was sleepy and relaxed. The two of you had an early night, falling asleep cuddled up under the blankets.

The next morning, the morning of the 23rd, there was yet another update from the airport: no flights until Christmas day. The news left you a bit of a wreck, and you spent a tearful hour being comforted by Gwil. You facetimed your family to tell them once you had collected yourself and they offered love and promises that the holidays weren’t completely ruined and that you would all see each other soon.

After the call, Gwil suggested that you take a nice, hot, long bath in the tub that the apartment had in its ensuite. As luck would have it, your wonderful hosts had provided a couple different bath salts, bubble bath, and even a bath bomb for free use. Gwilym ran the bath for you and told you to get in and relax while he went to pick up all the food the two of you would need for the next two and a half days. He wanted to stock up a bit since most places would close early on Christmas Eve and not be open at all on Christmas.

You got in the bath and let the hot but not too hot water and pleasing scents wash the stress right out of your body. It was like a big detox of all of the negative feelings that had been pervading your mind. By the time Gwilym was back, you were practically falling asleep in the bath, but his yell of “Honey, I’m home!” pulled you from your doze. You got out of the tub and dried off, pulling on a silk robe you packed with you, and by the time you made it into the kitchen, Gwil had already unpacked and put away all of the groceries.

“I could’ve helped you with those, you know. We have an equitable relationship,” you said with a smile, greeting him with a kiss.

“I know, but I thought the sooner those got put away, the sooner we could move onto… other things,” he said with a sly smile, holding you close to him in his arms.

“Yeah? What other things?” you asked coyly.

“Mmm, well I guess I’ll just have to show you,” he responded, slowly undoing the tie to your robe.

“I guess you will,” you said, letting your robe fall open and then grabbing his hand and leading him into the bedroom, giggling along with him.

_____

Waking up on Christmas Eve tangled up with Gwil in a comfy bed wasn’t a bad way to wake up. The day’s itinerary was mainly to drink hot chocolate and watch Christmas movies on Netflix, some of which you watched in French with English subtitles since there weren’t enough English ones to get through the whole day. There were food breaks every now and then, but most of the day included some snacking. For dinner, the two of you did your best to recreate the fondue you had had at that fancy restaurant. It didn’t quite melt smoothly, but it was still tasty enough to eat enough to feel a little sick.

With all of the yummy food and warmth and cosiness that you two had conjured up over the course of the day, you ended up falling into a food coma around 9:00pm and passed out for the rest of the night.

The Christmas morning wake-up was something different. You woke slowly, first with your nose, as weird as that seems. In your dream, you could smell your brother’s cinnamon rolls baking, but as you woke up, you realized that couldn’t be true. But the smell was still there. You were in Gwil’s warm embrace, but you could actually smell the cinnamon rolls. Your eyes opened slowly to see Gwilym looking down at you with a soft smile.

“Morning, darling,” he said, kissing your forehead lightly.

“Morning,” you said quietly, your voice still not quite awake. “Is that-- what am I smelling?”

Gwil chuckled in response and then answered, “I may have gotten the recipe for cinnamon rolls from your brother. They’re in the oven now.”

“What? How? When?” you asked confusedly.

He laughed for real this time, “Well, when you took your bath, I called your brother back and got the recipe from him. It took some convincing, but he agreed that it would make you happy so he finally sent it to me. Then I bought everything while you were in the bath and put it all away before you could see it. I was planning on staying up late to make them last night, but since you fell asleep at 9:00, I was able to be in bed by 10:30, so thanks for that. Then I got up about half an hour ago and put them in the oven. Does that answer all of your questions?”

“I guess it does. All except for one,” you replied.

“Oh, what’s that?” Gwil asked genuinely surprised.

“How did I get so lucky to be with a guy as amazing as you?” you said with a grin before capturing his lips with yours.

Once he pulled back from the kiss, he said, “Alright, shall we go check on those cinnamon rolls?”

The morning was wonderfully lazy, filled with eating the warm cinnamon rolls, warm cups of tea, and a little gift exchange. Both of you had picked up little things for each other in the Christmas markets. You had gotten Gwil a leather bound notebook with a French filigree designed burned onto it. He had gotten you a delicate necklace with a fleur-de-lis pendant, France’s crown’s symbol.

Right after you finished giving each other your gifts, you got one last update from the airport. This time, it actually made you smile because it said that you were booked for a flight in three hours. The two of you packed up quickly and headed to the airport. The atmosphere in the airport was one of relief since everyone was going to reach their destinations soon. Everyone was much kinder than usual and luggage check then security was a breeze compared to normal. In no time, you were seated together on the plane.

Gwil took your hand in his and said to you excitedly, “Just think, in less than 24 hours, we’ll be celebrating the holidays with your family!”

You grinned along with him. You couldn’t wait.

🌲🌲🌲

Permanent Taglist: @drowseoftaylor @caborhapch @riseetothesun

If you would like to be added to a taglist, just send me a message or ask!

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chaosbcrne · 4 years ago

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i've contemplated making this post for some time now and kept struggling when trying to find the right words to even begin with. i've come to the conclusion that there's no one good way to do this, especially coming out of nowhere as it is, so i'll just preface it by saying, to you, whoever might be reading this, you are under no obligation or expectation to read any further.

i am making this post to address as much as i can think of addressing, as a way of having proper closure here. this is not me trying to make a comeback or anything of the sort, it's just me trying to close the book for myself and anyone else who might feel concerned. so please, if you know enough to know why i disappeared, if hearing from me stresses you out, if my presence makes you feel unsafe to any degree or you know it might have a negative effect on your mental state or even just your mood, please do not feel any pressure to read on. you will not be out of the loop if you do not read this, this post will have zero impact on you or the community. this post will not be deleted or edited either, so if you can't stand to just ignore it, feel free to come back to it later.

before i get into anything, i want to apologize for any potential bad timing; i have not logged in here or otherwise seen the state of the dash since roughly two or three weeks after my last post (so about four months ago). i do not know who is or is not following me or who otherwise might see this post , i do not have the slightest idea of how the community fares these days. i apologize if this happens to be published at an especially bad time, or on the contrary it's a particularly good one, it's purely coincidental, and i encourage you once again to simply come back to this when it's more convenient if you do feel like you ought to read what follows.

as stated previously i have had no contact with this blog or any of the blogs that were previously associated with it in a few months now. i have no idea if what happened where i'm concerned was addressed publicly or not. i do believe it would have warranted a callout post, but i don't know if one was actually made. it makes it difficult to address when i don't know what people generally do or don't know, so i'll just say this: everything you've heard, if you've heard anything, is probably true.

the abuse, the gas-lighting, the suicide baiting, the mean or passive-aggressive comments, the talking smack about people in private. all of it happened, and it was happening for several months, and i'm not here to try to deny or justify any of it. i'm sure anyone who paid attention to the dash was able to observe that i had questionable vibes at best, and i'm here to tell you that it was much, much worse in private, and it was much, much worse for those who endured it than i could ever make it out to be.

for most of the time i was on here, i tried to advocate against elitism, clique culture and all around bad energies while being one of the main people to perpetuate them. i never questioned myself and if anyone confronted me, i took for granted that they were wrong and argued around it. i had a 'assume people are shitty until proven otherwise' mindset that resulted in a lot of unwarranted aggression, mistrust and guilt-tripping towards many people. i caused an immense amount of tension and distress, both on and off the dash, and never took responsibility for any of it at the time. for that, i am sincerely sorry.

there's only so much i can say without starting to list everything i've done to people individually - which i think would be inappropriate considering i am making this post without speaking to them first or otherwise knowing whether they've recovered or would be okay with me disclosing the details of our involvements.

however, i don't want to simply dismiss my actions by confirming i did them and moving on, either. if there are any allegations i should address or at least acknowledge in more details, please let me know. i just quite frankly don't know how to publicly take accountability for things that went on over the course of a long time, or that weren't always explicit, or that i may not realize the full extent of even now, seeing as i've never gotten to actually discuss them with the people concerned. i don’t want to make this a potentially triggering read for those who were involved by bringing up details without their permission, but i don’t want those who weren’t involved to assume my actions were minor offenses only because said details are lacking, either. it's important not to underestimate the gravity of the harm i've caused, and far be it from me to try and sweep it under the rug. in that sense, the only thing i can say is, make no mistake, i am 100% guilty of all of it.

what’s more, me admitting to my wrongdoings is only me going off of what i can remember. i can guarantee that all i've done is even worse than i make it sound, seeing as it's worse than i'm able to comprehend, for i was never the one on the receiving end of my behavior.

for the longest time i wholeheartedly believed i couldn't be a bad person because i never /meant/ to hurt anyone. i was wrong. i was a bad person because even when i knew that i was capable of unintentionally hurting people, i did not take responsibility or seek to correct my behavior. i always had (pardon the language) bullshit excuses to justify my actions and invalidate the pain of those i hurt, whether it was to myself or to other people. i thought my initial intentions mattered more than the effect they had, and therefore no harm was ever actually my fault because i hadn't intended it.

it's an incredibly toxic mindset to have. it's the same rhetoric with which racists, homophobics, ableists and such people can get away with racism, homophobia, ableism and so on without guilt- by convincing themselves that if they don't mean it that way, then it absolves them of blame, and whatever harm they cause is technically the victim's fault for taking offense to it. it's a very harmful thought process, and not at all the kind of person i want to be, and i'm sorry i hurt so many before i came to understand this.

for what it's worth, i am getting help. i am seeing a therapist once a week since may, with the goal of understanding where my abusive and manipulative reflexes come from and getting rid of them. beyond our weekly sessions, i was given an exercise to do on my own time, on a daily basis (or at least as often as i interact with others), meant to help me learn to believe in the inherent goodness of people and develop a kinder and more optimistic disposition towards them. i have also taken a summer course in communication in hopes of (re)learning how to properly listen and be more receptive of people's thoughts (and especially criticism), although that has admittedly not proven quite as effective as i'd hoped, so i am looking to consult with a specialist in that department when post-pandemic re-openings allow it.

obviously, none of these efforts make up for what i've done. they are quite frankly too little too late and will never erase the pain i've inflicted. unfortunately, they are also the only concrete action i can take to make amends after the fact, now that the damage is done. or so it seems from my current perspective.

if there is anything else i can do to make up for even a fraction of the harm i've caused, i would be very thankful to hear about it. if there is something i am at fault for that i may not be taking accountability for, i would also like to know. keeping in mind that, while knowing exactly how my behavior was problematic would allow me to better take the blame for it, this is not an obligation or expectation in any way. please only let me know about such things if you feel secure in doing so; do not feel pressured if you feel it would compromise you. my growth is no one's responsibility but my own. that being said, i know that i scared and bullied a lot of people into silence in the past, and i feel like inviting you to speak up about the stress or pain i've caused you is the least i can do to make up for it. if it's more empowering for you to ignore this and move on, by all means, just ignore this and move on.

if at all possible, i would also like to apologize for my behavior - more than just generally. i honestly believe that i have caused some manner of torment, whether directly or indirectly, to everyone in this community, and that everyone is deserving of an apology. i am fully aware that most of the people concerned likely feel unsafe at the idea of being in touch with me in any way, so i will not be reaching out to you directly myself, but with your permission, i would like to personally and individually apologize to anyone willing to indulge me for a brief exchange. i am not doing this to earn your forgiveness; i am doing this because i genuinely feel bad. if i can contribute to your finding closure by acknowledging how i've wronged you, it's the least i can do. i promise that i have no intention of using this as an opportunity to renew contact and that, should you do me this favor, you will be more than welcome to completely cut ties after the fact with no hard feelings on my end.

i can be reached in a fairly timely manner (as in, i am logged in on those accounts on my phone) on discord (Eph#2409) and tumblr ( @friendlifyre ). if a less instant method of communication is more comfortable for you, the e-mail [email protected] is at your disposal. if you don't mind the wait, you can also give me a nudge on this blog, as i will be (albeit rarely) logging in here to work on old drafts (without publishing them) until they're finished or i otherwise feel content with leaving this part of my life behind.

as a small addendum, i am humbly asking to please be civil if you use any of these methods to reach me. while i am arguably deserving of the death threats and insults coming my way, i am sharing these specifically to make open communication possible, and to make it easier to avoid me for those who wish to do so. i will not silence you if you choose an aggressive approach as i recognize it's ultimately what i deserve; i only ask that you at least consider that i am really just trying to do something right in the wake of all the wrong i've done, and i would appreciate if all related messages could remain constructive and not just mean for the sake of being mean.

as a conclusion i can only apologize once more for the bad vibes i brought into this community. it will be months if not years of active work on myself before i can confidently say that i have made progress and become a better person, yet i suspect a good number of people may carry with them the tension and fear i've instigated far longer. i am truly sorry. i can only offer, for what little consolation it might be, that not at single day goes by that i don't regret my actions and feel the weight of them.

if i could give my past self any advice, or anyone who indulges in similar attitudes, it would be to keep questioning yourself, to stop assuming you know better. just because your intentions are not bad does not mean they never affect people in a bad way. just because you can recognize abusive behavior in others, does not make it inherently impossible for you to be abusive. make an effort every day to consider those around you as individuals, even when it's easier to view them as parts of a bigger whole, of a community. learn not only to be kind but to think kindly, to catch yourself when you think mean thoughts and condition yourself to a more positive approach. assume people are good until proven otherwise. if there's anything you want to get off your chest that you wouldn't want divulged to the whole world, even when you think you're just harmlessly venting, you are ultimately spreading negativity and should work on getting rid of it from within instead.

it's always more work to improve than to stay the way you are, but you owe it to everyone else if not to yourself to be someone who's good to be around.

thank you for taking the time to read this if you have. regardless of who did or whether there is any kind of response to this, i will continue this work-in-progress that is my self and try to make sure i never put anyone else through what i've been putting people through here. i am glad i have the opportunity to acknowledge at least some of my problematic behavior and apologize, as it seemed, for quite some time now, the only logical step i hadn't taken yet in my journey to moving forward.

once again, thank you for reading this, and, assuming this is the last interaction we'll have with one another, i wish you the very, very best.

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bigskydreaming · 5 years ago

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Just a general FYI for newer followers....

My oh-so-controversial stance on noncon, underage and incest fics and anger in such ensuing arguments is NOT based on some quest for abstract ideological purity or an attempt to be The Most Morally Righteous. Its deeply personal for me.

I’m an abuse and csa survivor, thanks to my bio-mom who physically, emotionally and sexually abused me up until I was ten, at which point it only stopped because I literally fought my dad and stepmom on going to see her anymore for her unsupervised custody visits....which she only had because my dad, despite knowing full well that she was mentally ill and not safe to be around, never fought her on in order to keep HER dad happy, as he was the only one keeping my dad’s business afloat for years. I then grew up deeply closeted because when you’re raised conservative Catholic in a family that prioritizes appearances over childcare and basically pimped me out before I was ten, you tend to assume the worst case scenarios about being outed.

Which ironically then came true when I went as far away from them as I could for college, to Georgia, where my freshman year of college I ended up gaybashed and raped, which resulted in me dropping out and a downward spiral for the next several years, and made a resurgence in fucking up my life a couple years ago when I ended up with chronic pain and health conditions I’m still trying to afford getting fixed, and that all stem from trauma to my jaw that began with me getting kicked in the head a lot one night sixteen years ago. With very little in person real life support system because my family and I flat out don’t talk or interact anymore and I’m currently physically incapable of getting out and about and holding down a job that doesn’t let me work from my computer.

SO.

Those are my personal trauma credentials, and they’re why none of this is academic for me, nor will it EVER be. I’m intimately acquainted with pain and distress, which means I’m more than qualified to tell when things cause me pain and distress, and categorically, I’m flat out stating that being unable to go a DAY in ANY fandom without being surrounded by the awareness that people find fantasy versions of my Trauma Greatest Hits not only ‘sexy’ and ‘harmless’ and ‘hot,’ they would much rather defend them than survivors who say flat out, categorically, the casual ACCEPTANCE of these things alone causes us pain and distress......well, shockingly, this causing me pain and distress.

I’m tired, guys.

Its fucking EXHAUSTING spending your entire fucking life being told by everyone you meet that people value and respect abuse and rape survivors and only want them to be safe and happy, when push comes to shove, that’s almost NEVER proven true in my experience.

Its fucking EXHAUSTING spending your entire fucking life seeking out friends and found family of your own to replace the one you never really had, only to time and time again be blindsided when people you otherwise respect and admire trot out the oh so familiar “its just fiction” and “how naive/childish/ignorant are you that you can’t tell the difference between fiction and reality” lines.

Because its NOT just fiction, and this IS my reality: the constant, 24/7, everpresent awareness that the very REAL reactions I have to being constantly bombarded with an atmosphere of casual permissiveness about the very things that have for decades traumatized me.....like this is laughable to people. People literally LAUGH at this, when I spell this out. They tell me its my fault. Its MY problem. The only one doing anything wrong here is ME, for DARING to have a negative emotional reaction to constantly stumbling across proof that for a lot of people, literal narrative descriptions of some of the worst moments of my life are HOT, SEXY, FANTASIES.

And even the people who DON’T find these things hot or titillating prove time and time again they’d much rather defend THESE things than the people who object to these things....because the former are familiar, and comfortable and thus allow for a ‘civil, peaceable’ status quo whereas people making a big fuss about how fucking upsetting a constant casual environment where ANYTHING sexual goes, up to and including romanticizing and eroticizing peoples’ very real sources of trauma....like, we’re the REAL bad guys, we’re the REAL troublemakers. Why can’t we just let people write what they want to write? Why can’t we just let people have fun?

Well gee, I don’t know.

I honestly couldn’t tell you.

Because I’ve been asking my fandoms that exact same question for years.....why can’t you let those of us who are fucking DISTURBED by how EVERPRESENT these things are and how little people even want to question WHY they’re as everpresent as they are.....why don’t we get to have fun?

Why don’t we get to feel safe?

When do we get to be defended?

Why don’t our feelings and upset and emotional distress matter?

And time and time again, the only answers I EVER get are....’stop being so sensitive.’ ‘Its just words, words are harmless.’ ‘Stop making this about you.’ ‘Other people don’t have this same problem so I don’t know what to tell you.’

Except, when have any of those lines EVER been acceptable defenses of the offense or harm caused anywhere?

*Shrugs*

So yeah. That’s my story, if you didn’t already know it. I didn’t start out on this site casually trotting it out TMI style, I only eventually started discussing it openly after years of being pressed to display my trauma credentials if I was gonna insist on participating in discussions about rape and abuse as a cis white man. And being so open about it in the years since I started to be, has NEVER granted me any kind of hall pass or given me enough ‘street cred’ to balance out the sheer VOLUME of hate and toxicity I’ve gotten from people happy to use specific details I’ve volunteered about my traumas to harass and try and get me to shut up and be quiet....even as they then turn around and blithely reblog stuff like that “reblog this if you support male survivors” post that I’ve seen on literally EVERY SINGLE BLOG I’ve ever fucking fought with people about on this subject. INCLUDING the ones who also openly argue in defense of ACTUAL pedophilia and incest on the very same pages of their blog where they argue in defense of the romanticized fictional depictions of these things, because gee, shockingly, THERE’S OVERLAP.

And yeah. Sorry to say, I’m probably always going to become upset and angry at reminders that people who I otherwise would respect and want to be around....would rather side with and parrot the arguments of SELF-ADMITTED PEDOPHILES than survivors of csa and so on.

Go figure.

I would love to not have to be so paranoid and cautious in my fandom interactions. I don’t make 90% of my fandom content be original posts that I start on my own rather than casually interacting with other peoples’ content because I’m self-obsessed and think I make the only content that’s worth shit.....I do it because its the only way I know how to keep SOME semblance of safety for myself and I’ve too often in the past been blindsided by happily interacting with someone who posted something I found interesting and fun....only to two posts later be snorting derisively at people who like me, are just too damn dumb to get that fiction is innately harmless.

Its exhausting feeling disrespected at every turn, even by people who are quite vocal about respecting me and my viewpoints...up until it comes time to laugh at those naive children like me, who are just so irrational we simply can not grasp that we have no basis for being upset about romanticizing our traumas.

So, just FYI....that’s why I get so heated on this specific topic, and that’s why I’m stand-offish about following people back and keeping my interactions surface-level until I’m fairly confident I’m not going to be happily perusing someone’s content only to then get whiplash again when it goes zero to “incest is so hot!” in three posts or less.

If that’s upsetting to people or a dealbreaker? Well there you go. That should be all the info you need to know that my blog’s not for you.

Because I’m tired of being treated like I’m the unreasonable one because I say incest, pedophilia and rape fantasies are dealbreakers for me....not SEX itself, not even kink, not even graphic content, but just those THREE SPECIFIC THINGS.

That doesn’t make me a prude. That doesn’t make me irrational.

That makes me a survivor who wants to be allowed to fucking EXIST in fandom spaces without having to constantly defend my RIGHT to act traumatized around LITERAL. ROMANTICIZED. DESCRIPTIONS. Of my traumas.

*Shrugs*

Sorry not sorry.

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tk-duveraun · 6 years ago

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I was in the unfortunate position of having to kick someone from a community I moderate. I am very proud of my moderation style and so I am posting a version of my message to the user with some information changed to preserve anonymity.

You were asked in the past not to [talk about the specific, sensitive subject you brought up today]. While this offense itself is minor, it's a continued pattern of behavior and not listening to moderator instructions. The mod team has discussed your actions at length and came to the unanimous decision that we have to ask you to leave the server. We hope that your life can improve to such a point that if you want to return to [the discord server], we'd be happy to have you. However, at this time it is not possible.

I run my communities on the following principle: the safety and comfort of the community is far, far more important than free speech. Further, mistakes are rarely punished. The moderation team takes the “offender” aside privately and through discussion and other strategies, helps them avoid the behavior in the future. Warnings and punishments only come on repeated offenses of the same thing.

What’s more: there is no discussion, compromise or explanation of moderation decisions. Why? Because moderation actions are only taken when there is ZERO chance that the offender doesn’t know what they’ve done is wrong and have already been told that future repetitions will lead to action.

Letting people argue with you never, ever results in anything productive. It makes the moderation team feel bad and gives the user false hope that the ruling will be changed, or it will bring even more resentment against the action. The offenses are made clear and then the actions are outlined and that’s it.

I find there are three types of users that receive moderation action.

1) Well-meaning, but forgetful and a little oblivious.

2) Well-meaning, but in such a mental/emotional state that they are unable at the time they are in the community of following the community’s rules.

3) Trolls or other people with bad intentions.

My teams act on each type identically. I like to keep the yelling-at-us economy to a minimum and treating everyone the same protects the moderation team, who are part of the community. Remember, that’s the most important thing: protection.

I perform any and all kicks myself. Why? Because if it’s a troll, I ban them. I am completely confident in my ability to spot trolls or people intentionally causing harm. I have no second thoughts or regrets, ever. It’s not a burden I would put on my teams.

Groups one and two will sometimes be hurt, but always understand the moderation decision and the final result is that the kick is on good terms. Sometimes people come back, particularly group two, once their lives have improved.

I’ve had to kick maybe twenty people in 12+ years of community moderation and the feedback I get from the userbases is always the same: I feel safe and comfortable here. I frequently get told this out of the blue. It’s not a system that can work for every type of community, but honestly? I only join communities with similar moderation guidelines. That’s just me.

As ever, your mileage may vary. This isn’t an assertion that it’s the only way to mod. It’s just the way I do it and I’m proud of it.

#long post

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infpsupport · 6 years ago

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Why INTJs are great

We can read a lot of good and bad things about INTJs. We can read that they are smart, ambitious, driven bla bla, we can also see some people saying they are just damn arrogant, completely uncaring, zero empathy, superiority complex etc. I understand that people are different within one type and we cannot classify them as everyone is different and yes sure, I agree, but INTJs, still share certain traits and I am going to talk about them in this post, so bear with me and I will try to explain why I think they are great.

So I am first going to break it down with functions, so as you maybe already now, INTJs have Ni, Te, Fi, Se and then Ne, Ti, Fe, Si.

Let’s start from extroverted functions, because this is how INTJs give first impression. So yeah, not sure how to start really, damn, but. Se. Their inferior Se makes them very careful with what experience they are giving to you because they want you to be loyal for them. Sometimes they think their effort is not appreciated and that really makes them feel bad, like they let someone down? I had that colleague, he would be telling me ‘sorry for that experience’ whereas for me it was all cool and at first I couldn’t get why he is even sorry. I mean, I see when people are trying to do something nice, even if something isn’t super perfect because for example we missed a bus or something. I mean, that doesn’t even matter. If someone doesn’t appreciate your effort then that someone is not right fr you. INTJs, I think, they very much don’t want to draw attention to themselves in some social event or situation with people they don’t know well, my colleague would let me do stuff in public with people, but I don’t mind even, just that it seems INTJs are afraid about how they are perceived. But they can give you so thoughtful gifts, out of nothing really. They will bring you food and something sweet, if they like you, they will invite you to places, will do things that you want to do. And once I realized that it is their insecurity, what experience they are giving, I was so amazed that they still are able to make them be better and better at this, and that all is for others actually. For me that was always very special. I am using past tense, because I actually refer mostly (but not only) to a particular INTJ in my life who is no longer my friend. So yeah, Se. I think being insecure makes them be less affectionate and let’s say assertive daily on how they feel and what they need, but that may be in general about everyone, we have to learn assertiveness. For me that inferior Se is beautiful, I don’t know. It is like willing to give but at the same time being scared, not sure about how that will be received so they don’t want to do that much, or want to, but not to everyone, yeah, that is better. Of course, Se is also appearance bla bla, but I don’t care that much, let’s say, but yeah INTJs are usually pretty hot I must say. Okay I am done with Se.

Now Te. So Te is I think what is just most easily visible in INTJ. This is a parent function. They want to parent others with their logic and objectiveness. At first I found myself drawn to that, I like decisive people, that can be also annoying though, it is like, stop treating me like a child, gosh. But then you realize that INTJ has actually some point, but that doesn’t make me follow it necessarily, but sometimes I kind of need it, because I myself have troubles seeing things objectively maybe... And Te actually gets stuff done, and Te is driven. You know you can rely that Te user will not only talk with you but also will be able to give you an objective advice and take some necessary action for you. It can sound harsh for some, but actually sometimes harsh is good, if it is constructive. My Te is lower in function stuck so I kind of don’t handle well when others give me orders and just cold logic, so at work it is sometimes quite annoying, but in private life I really appreciate it. My brother is ISTJ and I love his Te too.

Yeah let’s go now to Ni. So Ni is a hero, first function for INTJ. Yeah.. something mysterious, screaming: nobody understand me, bla bla. For me I would just describe it as something very deep, but deep in this personal way. And oh I know, it is like bullshit detector. For INTJ it is with objectivity, for INFJ it is with people, detecting lies etc. INTJ are often very spiritual people, trying to be at peace with themselves, liking deep and meaningful conversations.. And again bla bla because I think that more than that they just want to be understood and that they have someone to whom they can say their things. I use Ne so I kind of search for different ideas and they are many but not well thought out and so with other Ne users it is sometimes like just jumping from one to another and it is not that in depth and less with subjective insights. INTJ will give you his insights. I think this is why Ne likes Ni and vice versa. Ne wants to share and talk about it, Ni wants to digest and give his insight. Ni is rather skeptical in INTJ (like Ti in INTP with logic, here Ni with ideas) so Ni wants to know whether the new concept is really good to be included to their framework. Ne users just enjoy ideas, they can talk about them for the sake of talking and that makes them energized. All right, maybe not for the sake of talking, they love ideas, but they treat them more superficially than Ni users. Ni will always win with Ne. Like any introverted function with extroverted one.

Fi as a tertiary function is my favorite one. They are so protective of their feelings and often just want to appear cold (their Te) but in reality they are super sensitive, loving and caring. They are just not good with expressing it verbally (Fe blind spot) which causes them I think lots of trouble, which eh which is so bad because people often confuse their exterior ‘coldness’ for being heartless which definitely isn’t true. With their Ni they can have so profound actually understanding of the human nature and be empathetic, I see it with my INTJs. They will feel what the character in the movie feels if they can somehow relate and they have strong opinions on what is right and wrong. That Fi is so cute, as this is a child function, it is very innocent. That my INTJ ex friend would be caring to not cross the street at the right traffic light not because he doesn’t want to break the rule, but because at that particular time some kid was on the other side and by crossing the street, he would teach the kid the wrong thing. That is, well, just Fi child, wow. Generally that Fi with Ni makes INTJ look for me like a cute, black cat. My brother with child Fi is similar. He is so innocent, really, for example, my brother has a friend who got his girlfriend pregnant and they got married because of that. They were kids, like 22 years old or something. They aren’t happy now, he is very rude to her and in general treats her badly, doesn’t want to work, doesn’t care about that baby (it is like 2 - 3 years after marriage). My brother saw them arguing, tried to talk to his friend, but nothing. And then my brother confesses to me, in text of course, that he feels so bad because he saw him not being totally fair towards her before marriage, like flirting with girls and well, he called that cheating, but I am not sure what that meant. And he felt bad because he didn’t say anything and now that girl is with him and is unhappy. Eh. That my INTJ friend would feel bad for example if he made joke about someone that could be actually in some way offensive which hah I don’t really think so... It is funny how Fe tricks them. They don’t realize when they hurt, but when they don’t, they actually feel bad about that thing.

They are super into self development and really want someone to grow with and just be together and feel safe with and spoil maybe sometimes together a bit. They like to help you. They are thoughtful. They are sensitive. They care about this world. They are yet very misunderstood and I can imagine it can be lonely for them due to Fe trickster and Se inferior.

Now if you are still here I want to say what you can work on, yeah I did that on purpose, dragged you here :D.

Well, I would really like if INTJ worked a bit with their Fe, I mean, to be more open to suggestions that others may be giving to them. It seems to me that they are very reluctant but sometimes people just want to help you. I found that if I rationalize why it is good about Fe more and what INTJ can do, with reasons, then INTJ can actually take it. People need people, really. INTJ would say: fuck people and society and then wonder why they are lonely. They would complain about how people are dumb, how narrow minded, how spoiled and whatever else but some knowledge about people is unfortunately necessary in life, and some feeler can help you with that, like you help with many other things. So it is to say to be just open more to suggestions about that and not feel offended. You will see the law of attraction will bring you benefits in the sphere of relationships with people, what you give, you will receive. Give kindness, and you will receive kindness. Give understanding and you will receive understanding, even if not from the same person you offered it to.

I really love INTJs and wish them best, you will be understood and appreciated if you are not yet, I am sure, I mean, because you are awesome, right?

#intj #intj thoughts #intj things #intj problems #mbti #mbti types #mbti personality types #mbti conversations #intj female #intj male #intj love

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qqueenofhades · 7 years ago

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“I want to finish what we started.”

Aka, I was always probably going to write this meta at some point, lbr.

There was not nearly enough Flynn in the episode overall (though I do think he’s out next week and then hopefully will kick off his return to major-character status with 2x04) but. I personally loved the shit out of that 2x02 Garcy scene for like all the reasons, and my angst-junkie heart is just like yaaaaaas queen. And one of the main reasons is that line above. Because it embodies a) Lucy still instinctively seeing them on the same side, and b) all the ways in which she’s changed and Has Not Come To Play. Which yes. Give me the dark and twisty and complicated-fucked-upness of all of it. It’s why I love this ship, no matter what it ultimately ends up being in canon, so damn much.

I touched on some of my thoughts in my general meta post here, but I’m 101% here for Dark Lucy and her continuing to push down a more and more focused and ruthless road. As @extasiswings pointed out, I’m also 101% sure that Flynn asking her if she’s willing to kill her own mother is foreshadowing, because Lucy is definitely going to be put in a position where she has to make that choice, and because it was Flynn who brought it up, he’s probably going to be the one to either walk her back from it, or have to do it for her (though I think, especially after Carol’s misgivings about Nicholas whereas Emma is clearly the true-believer zealot, Carol herself may choose to abandon Rittenhouse in the eleventh hour. Anyway, I’m just saying, that line will come back).

I also wrote a lot after 2x01 aired about Lucy straight up paralleling Flynn in her willingness to sacrifice an innocent man’s life for the greater cause. Now 2x02 sees her acting like him in other ways. Just think how far she’s come from the teary, terrified person who met Flynn by the Hindenburg in 1x01 and thought he was this terrible monster. Now she knows everything about him, she wants to give him a chance to help them, she tells him she’s still committed to the mission of taking down Rittenhouse... and he can help, or he can get the hell out of the way. She didn’t come here to play nice. We can assume she feels bad (and because the “we need you more” line is still coming) but Lucy isn’t really in a place where feeling bad about prior actions helps her, or anyone. She has a mission in front of her, this huge and dark and terrifying mission that gets more complicated all the time, she finally gets what Flynn was up against, and yeah. She is just getting her feet wet.

Y’all. Lucy isn’t the daughter of two Rittenhouse grand poombahs (speaking of which, are we seeing Cahill’s slimy face again this season, or has he been discarded?) and the great-granddaughter of Batshit Cray Cray Rittenmaster, the “prodigal princess” as Emma calls her, for nothing. She comes from a whole LINE of people willing to do whatever the fuck it takes to win. They happen to be on the opposite side of things from her now, but as Lucy is discovering who she is... she’s discovering who she is, and that is hella dark in ways that are more than just tangential. She’s using the same techniques her family has done (and is of course still comparatively mild by their standards AND by Flynn’s) to oppose them. So the question becomes, can she do that, and go down that road, without becoming like them?

Wyatt has a dark past, as we’ve seen. But he’s a soldier, he’s used to killing people, he’s used to that fight, and it’s not specifically and personally against Rittenhouse for him. It is for Flynn. It took his family, even if not quite in the way it took Lucy’s. He’s the one who has been fighting it alone. Lucy is getting that now. She won’t tell Wyatt what happened to her while she was with them, because it’s not important to her. She is throwing herself into this mission, this quest to eradicate Rittenhouse, in some of the same ways Flynn did. And she’s probably going to keep doing it, especially after the Jessica return disrupts the burgeoning Lyatt romance, at least temporarily. She’s going to have lost another thing/person she cared about, because Rittenhouse doubtless has something to do with Jessica’s return (trying to distract Wyatt, cause tension, etc). Because of them.

And you know what? That’s gonna make her even more angry.

And who gets that? Yep. Flynn.

The same way I yelled OH SHIT when Lucy shot the guy in 2x01, was kind of how I felt when she, having zero fear of this idiot in the cell, tells him to his face that she knows he doesn’t want his wife and daughter to have died for nothing, and that his sass, while it’s understandable, is a hollow self-defense mechanism that isn’t going to get him anywhere. She doesn’t want to leave him there, she doesn’t want him to snip at her, she doesn’t want to be fighting this war without him, because she knows just how much they need him (ding ding ding, again) and how much SHE does. (And lbr, Flynn is a grumpy bear who needs a lot of direct poking with blunt objects.) So guess what? Lucy calls him straight out on his BS, and all of a sudden, Flynn’s willing to talk.

Honestly, I think it was that -- seeing that she 100% meant the “I’m willing to do anything it takes to stop Rittenhouse,” and proving it -- which made Flynn help, however grudgingly. He challenged her to show her that she meant it, so she did. He hasn’t changed his mind about what he wants to do, but he’s not gonna muck around with empty morality games and what have you. Lucy says she wants him on her side, says she wants to finish what they started together, and that she’s going to do just that. And Flynn can see right away (”no offense, Lucy, but you’ve looked better) that something’s changed, but when she lays down the law flat, that’s when he can actually feel it.

So yes. Give me all the fallout, slow-burn, angst, stubborn, ruthless-but-vulnerable soulmates fighting each other exactly as they know how to do and realizing how much they are paralleling. Give me the whole messy situation at the end of 1x16 worked through and developed and turned into something lovely. Give me 2x04 for literally all the reasons, but also give me that scene presumably in 2x03 with Lucy softening and almost crying as she tells him that they need him, because that’s the point she was trying to make all along. That’s what she wants them to be. But Flynn is, as well attested, an idiot. He’s not wrong, and Lucy’s not wrong, and yet. They obviously cannot see eye to eye right now, and that’s how you make good drama. Your characters are flawed and motivated and even, in this case, agree broadly on their goals (stop Rittenhouse by any means”) but their past history makes it very complicated for them to cooperate, even though they want to.

Like I keep saying: Do not, do not, fuck ye with Lucy Preston right now, ladies and gentlemen. Because her whole world is burning down behind her, and she will not shed a single tear.

#lucy x flynn #garcy #garcy meta #timeless meta #garcia flynn #lucy preston #look i need so much more okay #but yes like #if this goes where i think/feel it will #please sir may i have some more #timeless spoilers

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caraidean-fics · 7 years ago

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First Swings Anew

Characters: Ike, Mia, Mist

Setting: Radiant Dawn, Post Part 3 Chapter 7

Words: 1,700

Summary: Direct sequel to Clarity. Ike and Mia have their first spar after accepting their relationship, and Mist discovers them.

"I'm not going to be holding back just 'cause it's different now, you know."

Ike raised an eyebrow at Mia at those words, as if he'd ever questioned it. Mia just chuckled, carefully walking in circles around her commander with a wary eye on his form. She was both trying to figure out his guard, but also attempt to piece together his health. He'd been out of bed far earlier than Rhys had suggested, but for the most part he seemed perfectly healthy.

"I thought we said we didn't want it to be different." Ike said after a long moment, getting a small laugh from his sparring partner. She shook her head, taking a few paces back in case it was a trick.

"Sure. But I don't know, maybe you've been listening to some of Mist's stories and letting them get in your head." She chided gently, sliding back into an offensive stance. "You know...treating your women right, chivalry, all that-"

She blurred forwards into motion, words vanishing for the twenty seconds as they clashed. When they separated, no real change in who was 'winning' - the bout had been nothing but judging each other's strength, gauging weaknesses for the next real attack - she picked it up as effortlessly as she'd started, as if nothing happened.

"-rubbish." She finished with a grin. Ike blinked, trying to focus on her stance instead of what she was saying.

"I'm pretty sure that this is treating you right." He said, slightly confused. Mia just laughed, shaking her head in amusement.

"Aw, babe. You know all the right things to say." She teased, before diving forwards. This clash was more serious, blades barely touching each other as she tried to worm her way around his guard with feints, Ike's own counterattacks sliding in and out of her guard as she danced away. The feeling of Alondite's ranged attack had her paranoid, but her wits were about her enough to not over-commit to a dodge.

Ike didn't even have Ragnell right now. She didn't need to worry about that. Eventually, however, she made a mistake - like she always did - and the heavy flat of Ike's blade smacked into her side, knocking her to the ground with a gasp. Groaning, she clutched her side for a second - before pushing herself back up to her feet and nodding at him.

"Zero to ninety-one." She said, cheerfully. Ike laughed, bemused, and the two went back to work on each other. Any fears Mia'd had about his injury keeping him down were allayed by his bladework, which was as strong and confident as ever. Mia decided to use a new tactic - a form she'd picked up during the Mad King's War, and trained a little more in whenever she'd had the time to corner Marcia and worm it out of her. While she used a lance, this was apparently a style that Tanith used on occasion when forced to dismount. She stepped inside his guard when he slashed, but rather than going for a normal attack grabbed her sword by the blade, half-swording and keeping as close to him as she could.

Ike was caught off guard, but only for a moment - Mia was clumsy with it, and it showed. He managed to turn the first few blows aside, glancing off the leather of his armor before adopting an unusual tactic. One arm wrapped around her back, pulling her into a tight hug with her sword trapped between their bodies.

"Not fair." Mia mumbled in protest, Ike laughing and tapping the side of his blade against her thigh to end the bout. Mia sighed, backing off and letting them get back into their starting stances, mumbling the updated count under her breath.

"I think your new style has some problems." Ike said after a moment, getting a shrug from Mia.

"Honestly, it was worth a shot." She replied, and then they clashed again. A violent dance of steel, the swords sparking as they collided, the two having silently agreed to stop holding back for the third bout of the morning. They'd long since stopped using training swords, more than trusting their partner to be able to pull back any truly lethal blows - although it still freaked Rhys out something awful, which Mia was more than happy to tease the healer about.

"Ah!" Mia gasped in pain eventually, Ettard finally sliding past her guard again and opening up a long gash on her arm. Wincing, she dropped her sword - not really having much choice in the matter - and pouted a little at yet another clean set of defeats, as Ike took a step forward to inspect the cut.

"It's not too deep. Should be fine." He said after a few moments, patting her on her good shoulder. They stood, awkward as Mia cradled her inured arm in her free hand, eventually Ike sighing and leaning forwards to press a soft kiss to her lips.

"You almost had me there." He said, the same words they'd exchanged for almost four years now. Mia laughed and gave a rote reply, although there was something warmer to the exchange now, a kind and loving note in what was normally a breezy exchange of words to mark the end of the fight.

"Yeah, and I'll get you next time."

They smiled at each other, Mia resting a splayed palm over his chest as she quietly pressed another kiss to his lips. That had been the intended end of their intimate moment, away from the rest of the camp as they dueled in the rising sun, but a loud shriek showed that any hopes they'd had of keeping the moment private had just been ruined.

"It's Mist, isn't it." Ike said, eyes shut. He'd trusted Soren to keep quiet about it, but considering that Mia and he did this every morning, he should have expected either her or Rhys to show up. Mia winced and, slowly, turned to look over at the source of the sound.

"Yeah." She replied, and then they were swarmed. Mist's babbled questions had only lasted a few moments before she realized that, yes, Mia was injured, and let out a long groan before running her healing staff along her arm.

"Ike! How come you didn't tell me you two were a thing?" She protested, glaring at him as she healed Mia. Ike shrugged his shoulders, a slightly dark look crossing his face for a moment.

"I don't really see how it's any of your business, Mist." He said, getting an offended gasp from Mist. For once able to read the situation, Mia interjected herself, patient as she could be considering the circumstances.

"Mist, we just wanted to keep it quiet. We weren't even sure it was going to work out." She told her, getting an understanding frown from the healer. Once her arm was done she flexed it, checking that she hadn't missed any nerve damage or the like, and nodded in satisfaction. "Wow. You get better every day, don't you?" "Thanks." Mist beamed, before recognizing the clumsy attempt at changing the subject for what it was. "Hey, no you don't! Come on, how long has this been going on for? Two years? Three? Right from when you were on the boat? ...Mia, be honest with me, was duel at dawn a euphemism this entire time?"

"No!" Mia protested, turning scarlet. She tried to defend herself from the questions, until Ike stepped in to save her from his sister.

"Last week." He said bluntly. Mist opened her mouth to say something, paused, and visibly did some date-checking in her head. Then she winced and bowed her head, mumbling an apology.

"...oh. Right. Sorry." She said quietly, before her eyes widened as she realized something. "Oh, wait! Mia, that means that when you-"

"Can we not talk about this?" She asked in frustration, hugging her arm to her side and wincing at the memory of the 'duel'. She took a deep breath, trying to fight off the shakes that had come the last two times she thought about that fight.

She'd never felt so outclassed in her life, nor as close to death as she had in that moment. Even her temporary stare-down with Petrine hadn't felt as...hopeless. Ike hadn't taken the reminder well either, glaring at his sister and putting a reassuring hand on Mia's shoulder.

"Mist." He said, sternly, and the teenaged healer quieted down. She looked like she was about to say something, but the quiet and suddenly somber mood made her think better of it, making her close her eyes and just mumble an apology before leaving.

"Well, great." Ike said after a few moments of silence, rolling his eyes. "Now that she knows, it's only a matter of time until everyone else does. First she's going to tell Titania, and from there..."

"Oh, no." Mia froze at the idea of Titania finding out, eyes wide. "She's not going to lecture us, is she?"

Ike opened his mouth, at first to reply to a negative - before realizing that, in horror, the answer was likely 'yes'. He shuddered, glancing at his sparring partner turned lover and squeezing her shoulder lightly.

"Probably." He admitted, making Mia shudder at the idea. Titania's lectures were bad enough when it was just about her actions on the battlefield, and she could already hear the lecture they'd receive for this.

"...I've got to go do, well...commander stuff." Ike said lamely, not really sure how else to describe it. Mia snorted, glad for at least some kind of way to relieve the tension, and nodded.

"Alright, boss. You go do commander stuff." She said jokingly, patting his hand on her shoulder with a wide smile. "I'll just go and check up on a few things. See you later."

"Right. Later." Ike agreed, removing his hand almost reluctantly. They stood together, awkward for a few more minutes - enough to make them nervous about how the other was taking this, until finally Mia worked up the courage.

"Bye." She said, a slight blush on her cheeks, and they parted. This...was going to take some more getting used to than either of them had initially thought.

#fire emblem fic #fe9 #fe10 #path of radiance #radiant dawn #ike #mia #ike/mia #Tellius

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simplemlmsponsoring · 6 years ago

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New Post has been published on http://simplemlmsponsoring.com/attraction-marketing-formula/blogging/how-to-handle-complainers-and-rude-emails-to-support/

How To Handle Complainers And Rude Emails To Support

This article was originally published in 2008, then totally rewritten and re-published in 2019. Which explains some of the dates on the comments below.

Enjoy!

There is a simple fact of life when you run a blog or online business. Heck, this is just a part of simply being alive. And that is…

You’re going to have people complain.

The things people complain about can vary from legit concerns to trivial matters that you can’t believe they just bothered to email you about. Things like:

Typos and grammar errors People taking offense on something you said, or a word you used. People ripping you to shreds over trying to sell something. People jumping to conclusions and calling you a scammer over the smallest things, or because you didn’t reply back to them fast enough.

I don’t list these things as an attempt to make fun of them. Not at all. However, these are some of the kinds of complaints I’ve seen over the years.

Sometimes they’ll email you privately or email your support address. Other times they might post it publicly on social media, in a blog comment or elsewhere.

So, how do you handle these things? What do you do about it?

Should You Let It Bother You?

Fast answer = NO.

In some cases, it may be hard to take. Sometimes you’ll have people really tear into you. It can be hard to be called a scammer or to have somebody tell you they’re offended by something you said. Not everybody can take the criticism.

It is important to maintain perspective. Always remember:

Most people are good, decent people. Many times, a complaint was sent to you “in the heat of the moment” and the moment you reply back to them they will apologize. I’ve had it happen more times than I can count. There is always a small percentage of people who will find a way to be upset by something. Life is a big confrontation to them. It is sad, but the problem most definitely isn’t you.

Working with a lot of students over the years, I have found that beginning entrepreneurs who are making their first attempts at sales with their blog can be the most sensitive to negative comments. The moment somebody calls them a scammer, they just wilt. If you’ve ever felt that way, please check yourself.

When you stand up in this world and do anything out of the ordinary (and putting up a blog and/or selling something online is out of the ordinary), you’re more likely to get an arrow in your back. This is part of having an online presence… and it could get more common the more popular your site gets.

So, definitely don’t let a complaint bother you or get to you personally. This is simply part of life online.

How To Handle Typo And Grammar Complaints How do you handle it when you get people complaining about typos and grammar errors on your blog? Like so…Click To Tweet

Guess what?

When you create a lot of content online, you’re going to make some typos and grammar errors. This just goes with the territory of doing something a lot.

Also, sometimes the way we type isn’t exactly grammatically correct. When I create content, I do so in a conversational way. I write in a conversational way. This is because my purpose is to effectively communicate ideas to you and to get understanding. My purpose is NOT to impress an English teacher! Truth is, when you are communicating effectively online, not everything you say or write is going to pass a grammar check.

And so, you have to take these kinds of complaints with the proper perspective. There are certain kinds of people who are just sticklers for proper word structure. To each their own, but just because they are that way doesn’t mean you have to change the way you wish to communicate on your own blog. In the end, words are meant to communicate IDEAS. And it is the IDEAS that are more important than some of the nitty-gritty rules of grammar.

So, how do you handle people who point out typos and grammar errors?

You handle it politely, of course.

Here’s what I do:

Read the email and see what the error is that they’re pointing out. Reply back and thank them. That’s it. You really don’t need to comment any further on it. Just thank them for reaching out on the issue. Review the actual issue and decide whether it needs to be corrected. If so, do it.

If it is a legit typo, go fix it. If it is a gross grammar error, go fix it. If, however, it is just conversational speak, works just fine despite the fact that it might earn a red mark from an English teacher, feel free to ignore it.

How To Handle Rude Comments And Emails

What do you do if the person is just being rude? What if they’re calling you names? Should you even respond?

As I said before, don’t let this kind of thing get to you. In more cases than not, they emailed you in the heat of the moment and aren’t actually like that. In some cases, they’ve just got issues.

Either way, don’t take it personally.

First, always look at whether there is merit to what they say. Even despite the unfortunate tone and even if it is highly inappropriate, there might be a legitimate concern behind that email. Did you fail to deliver on a promise? Did something not get delivered? Did you go too long without replying to them and they felt ignored? Always look. Always look at any complaint as a potential symptom of a breakdown in how you are managing things. If there is something you need to fix, fix it and make it right.

Sometimes nothing is actually wrong, but they think it is. Perhaps they misunderstood something. If that’s the case, clarify it to them. Realize, however, that if they misunderstood or missed something, others might have as well and just didn’t bother to tell you. So, look and see if there’s something you need to change to make it simpler to avoid the situation again.

In some cases, you’ll just have people complaining for little to no reason. Well, like I said… sometimes people just do that. Not every such complaint has to be actionable on your part.

Now, do you reply?

In almost all cases, yes. In fact, often you’ll just make the situation worse if you ignore them. One of the worst things you can do online is to fail to acknowledge somebody’s communication.

Now, do you get defensive? Do you tell them where to shove it?

I wouldn’t. I always look at whether I’m in the right or not. If something needs to be corrected, I always do. However, if I evaluate things and determine the person is being rude and unfair incorrectly, I will put them in their place. I never respond in kind, but I remain firm.

In that rare case where a person is just being rude for the sake of being so, you can make a decision on whether you choose to do business with them anymore. For instance, in the last several years, I’ve probably had a couple of people who emailed into support and just ripped into my virtual assistant. Called her names, etc. I have zero tolerance for such things and will ban a person from my business for doing it.

In the end, you are the owner of your business and nobody is forcing you to do business with anybody. If I don’t want to deal with a person, I don’t. The good thing is, as I said, I think I’ve only had to do this a couple of times in my many years in business.

How To Handle Threats

It does happen (again, in rare cases) that you may get rude emails to you which threaten to do certain things. I’ve had people threaten to call the attorney general on me for a bad review of their product, for instance.

Ah, good times.

Sometimes, people will express dissatisfaction with something you send on your email list and they’ll threaten to unsubscribe. My response? Help them do it.

Honestly, that just tells you they’re not the right person for your business anyway. It isn’t as if they’re doing you a favor by being on your list. If they don’t want to be there, show them the exit.

Sometimes, people will express dissatisfaction with something you send on your email list and they’ll threaten to unsubscribe. My response? Help them do it.Click To Tweet

If you get threats about calling the news media, reporting to the BBB, or some other agency, you can pretty much ignore it. In almost every case, they’re just blowing smoke in order to try to get a response. It doesn’t mean that you ignore the fact that they emailed you and they’re mad. You treat it like any other complaint. When people are mad, they often say irrational things. So, just look past it and evaluate it with an even keel.

What If The Negative Comment Is Out In Public?

This is often when people get the most worried about complaints is when it is out in the open. Will it hurt business? Will it affect what people think about you? Should you just delete it and go private with it?

As a general rule, you will make things worse if you delete the comment. For instance, a company I work with recently got themselves into a little PR jam because they handled a price increase pretty poorly. In the resulting reaction, they ended up banning one of the figureheads of their Facebook group from the group because he tweeted his dissatisfaction. The fact that he was banned caused even further PR damage and ultimately they reversed it, re-joined him to the group, complete with a pretty lame excuse for what happened that likely wasn’t even true. In the end, it just looked really bad.

People will usually make assumptions to fill in what they don’t know. And often those assumptions will be against you. They’ll assume the worst.

So, when a negative comment is in public, I say leave it there and respond to it in public. Be honest and transparent.

Did they say something snotty in a blog comment? Well, if it is a real comment from a real person, leave it there and reply to them.

Did they say something snotty on Facebook, Twitter or some other public forum? Leave it there and reply to them.

If what they say is incorrect, then correct them. If it is a customer complaint, handle it. Be polite and write your response knowing that others may read it that aren’t part of the transaction. Use it as an opportunity.

One Last Thing…

You are the owner and founder of your own blog and your own business. And guess what… you get to run it the way you please. You get to say things the way that you please. You get to do business with who you please.

Own it. Be confident in that. You always want to be fair and treat people well, but never lose sight of the fact that you are in charge.

There’s the old saying that says “The customer is always right.” Well, guess what… sometimes the customer is just plain wrong.

There’s the old saying that says ‘The customer is always right.’ Well, guess what… sometimes the customer is just plain wrong.Click To Tweet

The idea that “the customer is always right” carries with it the connotation that you must do whatever it takes to please them, to placate them…. no matter how unreasonable it may be. And that’s a rather large load of BS, to be frank.

All transactions are voluntarily. They can choose to read your blog, interact with you, or do business with you. Likewise, you get to choose who you work with. If you get yourself into a mindset where you feel you need to grovel for whatever you can get, then that’s not a mindset that will lend itself to success.

Always do what is right in your business.

Always treat people fairly and seek to over-deliver.

Always create the best content that you can and try to help others find meaningful solutions.

And, be willing to correct course if you got something wrong.

If you do all that, you’re in the right and you’ll do just fine. And for those rare cases where you might get yourself a person with a chip on their shoulder, you just let it roll off and treat it accordingly.

Besides… the fact that you even get complaints at all means they’re paying attention. So, well done!

The post How To Handle Complainers And Rude Emails To Support appeared first on Blog Marketing Academy.

Read more: blogmarketingacademy.com

#always #handle #just #people #them #they #things #your #BLOGGING

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theadmiringbog · 7 years ago

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In this book, you’ll naturally look for common habits and recommendations, and you should. Here are a few patterns, some odder than others:

More than 80% of the interviewees have some form of daily mindfulness or meditation practice

A surprising number of males (not females) over 45 never eat breakfast, or eat only the scantiest of fare

Many use the ChiliPad device for cooling at bedtime

Rave reviews of the books Sapiens, Poor Charlie’s Almanack, Influence, and Man’s Search for Meaning, among others

The habit of listening to single songs on repeat for focus

Nearly everyone has done some form of “spec” work (completing projects on their own time and dime, then submitting them to prospective buyers)

The belief that “failure is not durable” or variants thereof

Almost every guest has been able to take obvious “weaknesses” and turn them into huge competitive advantages

Christopher Sommer, former U.S. National Team gymnastics coach and founder of GymnasticBodies

Coach Sommer dislikes the fitness fixation on “diet and exercise.” He finds it much more productive to focus on “eat and train.”

3 Movements Everyone Should Practice

J-Curl

Shoulder Extension:

Lift a dowel behind your back (standing), or sit on the floor and walk your hands backward behind your hips.

Thoracic Bridge:

Elevate your feet enough to feel the bulk of the stretch in the upper back and shoulders, not the lower back. The feet might be 3+ feet off the ground. Ensure you can concentrate on straightening your arms (and legs, if possible), holding the position, and breathing.

Good Goals for Adult Non-Gymnasts

The following goals incorporate many different aspects of strength and mobility into single movements:

Beginner: J-Curl

Intermediate: Straddle Press Handstand

Advanced: Stalder Press Handstand

QL Walk—An Unusual Warmup

Ag Walks with Rear Support

Pike Pulses

Cast Wall Walk

Dr. Dominic “Dom” D’Agostino, PhD

The ketogenic diet, often nicknamed “keto,” is a high-fat diet that mimics fasting physiology. Your brain and body begin to use ketones (derived from stored or ingested fat) for energy instead of blood sugar (glucose)—a state called ketosis. The diet was originally developed to treat epileptic children, but there are many variations, including the Atkins diet. You can achieve ketosis through fasting, diet, exogenous ketones, or a combination.

The primary resource, as you’ll come back to this: Dom’s top go-to resource for the ketogenic diet, including FAQs, meal plans, and more is ketogenic-diet-resource.com

Why Consider Fasting?

Dom has discussed the idea of a therapeutic “purge fast” with his colleague Dr. Thomas Seyfried of Boston College. Per Dom:

“If you don’t have cancer and you do a therapeutic fast 1 to 3 times per year, you could purge any precancerous cells that may be living in your body.”

Fasts of 3 days or longer can effectively “reboot” your immune system via stem cell–based regeneration. Dom suggests a 5-day fast 2 to 3 times per year.

I’d always been repelled by yoga: too much mumbo-jumbo, too little excitement. AcroYoga is a different beast.

Questions to ask

These can be modified for any skill or topic, not just sports. Just replace [SPORT] with what you want to learn, and track down your mentors. You can often find past gold and silver medalists willing to answer these via Skype for $50 to $100 per hour, which is an incredible steal and could save you years of wasted effort.

Who is good at [SPORT] despite being poorly built for it?

Who’s good at this who shouldn’t be?

Who are the most controversial or unorthodox athletes or trainers in [SPORT]?

Why?

What do you think of them?

Who are the most impressive lesser-known teachers?

What makes you different?

Who trained you or influenced you?

Have you trained others to do this?

Have they replicated your results?

What are the biggest mistakes and myths you see in [SPORT] training?

What are the biggest wastes of time?

What are your favorite instructional books or resources on the subject?

If people had to teach themselves, what would you suggest they use?

If you were to train me for 12 weeks for a [FILL IN THE BLANK] competition and had a million dollars on the line, what would the training look like?

What if I trained for 8 weeks?

Peter rarely eats breakfast and has experimented with many forms of intermittent fasting, ranging from one meal a day (i.e., 23 hours of fasting per day) to more typical 16/8 and 18/6 patterns of eating (i.e., 16 or 18 hours of fasting and only eating in an 8- or 6-hour window). Going 16 hours without eating generally provides the right balance of autophagy (look it up) and anabolism (muscle building).

“If you’re over 40 and don’t smoke, there’s about a 70 to 80% chance you’ll die from one of four diseases: heart disease, cerebrovascular disease, cancer, or neurodegenerative disease.

“There are really two pieces to longevity. The first is delaying death as long as possible by delaying the onset of chronic disease (the ‘big four’ above). We call that the defensive play.

“The second is enhancing life, the offensive play.

“[Studies] suggest to me that there’s something about highly refined carbohydrates and sugars—and potentially protein, though it might be for a different reason—that seems to raise insulin, which we know, by extension, raises insulin-like growth factor (IGF). And we know that IGF is driving not just aging but also certainly driving a lot of cancers, though not all of them.

“There is value in exercise, though, and I think that the most important type of exercise, especially in terms of bang for your buck, is going to be really high-intensity, heavy strength training.”

For Loose Skin or Stretch Marks

“There’s an herb called gotu kola that—I learned this from Dr. Mauro Di Pasquale, who was one of my early mentors—will get rid of what we call unnecessary scar tissue or unnecessary connective tissue. The truth of the matter, though, is that you will see zero progress for the loose skin for 6 months. So people say it’s not worth it, but I tell people, just keep doing it for 6 months. And then it’s almost like overnight. . . . “There are some compounding pharmacists who will make you a gotu kola bioabsorbable cream. That works a lot faster.”

On Good Doctors

“The length of time they spend with you on your first visit is probably your best indicator [of their quality].”

The Slow Carb Diet

The basic rules are simple, all followed 6 days per week:

Rule #1: Avoid “white” starchy carbohydrates (or those that can be white).

This means all bread, pasta, rice, potatoes, and grains (yes, including quinoa). If you have to ask, don’t eat it.

Rule #2: Eat the same few meals over and over again, especially for breakfast and lunch.

Good news: You already do this. You’re just picking new default meals. If you want to keep it simple, split your plate into thirds: protein, veggies, and beans/legumes.

Rule #3: Don’t drink calories.

Exception: 1 to 2 glasses of dry red wine per night is allowed, although this can cause some peri-/post-menopausal women to plateau.

Rule #4: Don’t eat fruit.

(Fructose → glycerol phosphate → more body fat, more or less.) Avocado and tomatoes are allowed.

Rule #5: Whenever possible, measure your progress in body fat percentage, NOT total pounds.

The scale can deceive and derail you. For instance, it’s common to gain muscle while simultaneously losing fat on the SCD. That’s exactly what you want, but the scale number won’t move, and you will get frustrated. In place of the scale, I use DEXA scans, a BodyMetrix home ultrasound device, or calipers with a gym professional (I recommend the Jackson-Pollock 7-point method). And then:

Rule #6: Take one day off per week and go nuts.

I choose and recommend Saturday. This is “cheat day,” which a lot of readers also call “Faturday.” For biochemical and psychological reasons, it’s important not to hold back. Some readers keep a “to-eat” list during the week, which reminds them that they’re only giving up vices for 6 days at a time.

Mini-parallettes

3 High-Yield Exercises

Pavel’s “Simple & Sinister” Kettlebell Program

One-arm swing

Turkish get-up (TGU)

Goblet squat

Do these three exercises in some form every day, and you are guaranteed to get a great return on your investment. The TGU is also excellent for diagnosing deficiencies.

“When in Doubt, Train Your Grip and Your Core”

“Strengthening your midsection and your grip will automatically increase your strength in any lift.

Among effective midsection exercises are ‘power breathing,’ hollow rocks, Janda sit-ups, hanging leg raises, and ‘hard-style planks.’ To do the last, hold a plank for 10 seconds under max contraction, not for several minutes. Hold it like you’re about to be kicked and breathe ‘behind the shield’ of your tensed midsection. For a challenge, consider putting your feet on the wall, a few inches from the floor.”

Kettlebell windmills

The Top Mobilizations to Do Every Day

“Here are a few things you should probably do every day:

Everyone can benefit from something that looks like the cow stretch (also sometimes called “cat-camel” in yoga classes). It’s a low-level static stretch that gets you into this extension pattern, and out of the other pattern of sitting in the rounded flexion position.

Spend as much time in a lunge as you can.

‘Smash’ your gut (i.e., roll on it) for downregulation before bed with a medicine ball.

Internal shoulder rotation is so crucial. Doing the Burgener warmup will help show you if you have full internal rotation of your shoulder.

“Don’t systematically shorten your kids’ heel cords (Achilles) with bad shoes. It results in crappy ankle range of motion in the future. Get your kids Vans, Chuck Taylors, or similar shoes. Have them in flat shoes or barefoot as much as possible.”

“What am I continuing to do myself that I’m not good at?” Improve it, eliminate it, or delegate it.

"When it comes to the future, it’s far more important to be imaginative than to be right.”

Alvin Toffler.

Honey + ACV: My go-to tranquilizer beverage is simple:

2 tablespoons of apple cider vinegar (I use Bragg brand) and 1 tablespoon honey, stirred into 1 cup of hot water. This was taught to me by the late and great Seth Roberts, PhD. Some of his readers also noticed large and immediate strength improvements in exercise after a few days of using this pre-bed cocktail.

#4—Prepare “Titanium Tea” (this name was a joke, but it stuck) (2 to 3 minutes)

I prepare loose-leaf tea in a Rishi glass teapot but you could use a French press. The below combo is excellent for cognition and fat loss, and I use about 1 flat teaspoon of each: Pu-erh aged black tea Dragon well green tea (or other green tea) Turmeric and ginger shavings (often also Rishi brand) Add the hot water to your mixture and let it steep for 1 to 2 minutes.

Separately, add one of the following to your drinking mug: 1 to 2 tablespoons of coconut oil, which is about 60 to 70% MCTs (medium-chain triglycerides) by weight or 1 scoop of Quest MCT Oil Powder, which will give the tea a creamy consistency.

Try one or more of Chade-Meng Tan’s suggested exercises, starting on page 154. They are simple and brilliant.

With “Just Note Gone” we train the mind to notice that something previously experienced is no more. For example, at the end of a breath, notice that the breath is over. Gone. As a sound fades away, notice when it is over. Gone. At the end of a thought, notice that the thought is over. Gone. At the end of an experience of emotion—joy, anger, sadness, or anything else—notice it is over. Gone. This practice is, without a doubt, one of the most important meditation practices of all time. Meditation master Shinzen Young said that if he were allowed to teach only one focus technique and no other, it would be this one.

Loving-Kindness

In many of my public talks, I guide a very simple 10-second exercise. I tell the audience members to each identify two human beings in the room and just think, “I wish for this person to be happy, and I wish for that person to be happy.” That is it. I remind them to not do or say anything, just think—this is an entirely thinking exercise. The entire exercise is just 10 seconds’ worth of thinking. Everybody emerges from this exercise smiling, happier than 10 seconds before. This is the joy of loving-kindness.

Chris elaborates: “Generally, what all of this comes down to is whether you are on offense or defense. I think that as you survey the challenges in your lives, it’s just: Which of those did you assign yourself, and which of those are you doing to please someone else? Your inbox is a to-do list to which anyone in the world can add an action item. I needed to get out of my inbox and back to my own to-do list.”

Go to as Many Higher-Level Meetings as Possible

TIM: “If working in a startup environment, what should one do or focus on to learn and improve as much as possible?”

CHRIS: “Go to all the meetings you can, even if you’re not invited to them, and figure out how to be helpful.

In 2009, Chris did a charity bicycle ride with the Trek Travel team from Santa Barbara, California, to Charleston, South Carolina: “I had a phrase I kept repeating in my head over and over again, which was, ‘Tonight, I will be in my bed. Tonight, I will be in my bed. Tonight, I will be in my bed.’ . . . It was something I repeated to remind me that the pain of what I was going through was temporary and that, no matter what, at the end of that day, I would be in my bed that night.”

“Raise Prices”

This was Marc’s response to “If you could have a billboard anywhere, what would it say?” He’d put it right in the heart of San Francisco, and here’s the reason:

“The number-one theme that companies have when they really struggle is they are not charging enough for their product. It has become conventional wisdom in Silicon Valley that the way to succeed is to price your product as low as possible, under the theory that if it’s low-priced, everybody can buy it, and that’s how you get to volume,” he said. “And we just see over and over and over again people failing with that, because they get into a problem called ‘too hungry to eat.’ They don’t charge enough for their product to be able to afford the sales and marketing required to actually get anybody to buy it. Is your product any good if people won’t pay more for it?”

TIM: “What advice would you give to Marc, the 20-something, at Netscape?”

MARC:

“I’ve never for a moment even thought about that.

Basically, his entire thing is ‘forward.’

TIM: “So that’s how you feel?”

MARC: “Forward, like: We don’t stop. We don’t slow down. We don’t revisit past decisions. We don’t second guess. So, honestly, that question, I have no idea how to answer.”

“Strong Views, Loosely Held” For a long time, this phrase was in Marc’s Twitter bio.

Born Standing Up: A Comic’s Life

Marc highlighted one takeaway: “He says the key to success is, ‘Be so good they can’t ignore you.’”

TF: Marc has another guiding tenet: “Smart people should make things.” He says: “If you just have those two principles—that’s a pretty good way to orient.”

“My goal is not to fail fast. My goal is to succeed over the long run. They are not the same thing.”

“To do original work: It’s not necessary to know something nobody else knows. It is necessary to believe something few other people believe.”

“Andy Grove had the answer: For every metric, there should be another ‘paired’ metric that addresses adverse consequences of the first metric.”

Arnold: “My confidence came from my vision. . . . I am a big believer that if you have a very clear vision of where you want to go, then the rest of it is much easier. Because you always know why you are training 5 hours a day, you always know why you are pushing and going through the pain barrier.”

Derek has read, reviewed, and rank-ordered 200+ books at sivers.org/books. They’re automatically sorted from best to worst. He is a huge fan of Charlie Munger, Warren Buffett’s business partner, and introduced me to the book Seeking Wisdom: From Darwin to Munger, by Peter Bevelin.

“What if you asked, ‘When you think of the word “successful,” who’s the third person that comes to mind? Why are they actually more successful than the first person that came to mind?’ In that case, the first would be Richard Branson, but ...

“What if Richard Branson set out to live a quiet life, but like a compulsive gambler, he just can’t stop creating companies? Then that changes everything, and we can’t call him successful anymore.”

Ricardo Semler, CEO and majority owner of the Brazil-based Semco Partners, practices asking “Why?” three times.

I believe you shouldn’t start a business unless people are asking you to.

“From the early days of WordPress, we would always think: ‘Okay, if we do X today, what does that result in tomorrow, a year from now, ten years from now?’ The metaphor I think of the most—because it’s simple—is the dog chasing the car. What does the dog do if he catches the car? He doesn’t have a plan for it. So I find it just as often on the entrepreneurial side. People don’t plan for success.”

The normal QWERTY keyboard layout was designed to slow down human operators to avoid jams. That time has passed, so try the Dvorak layout instead, which is easier on your tendons and helps prevent carpal tunnel syndrome. Read The Dvorak Zine (dvzine.org). Colemak is even more efficient, if you dare. Within Automattic, Matt has held speed-typing challenges, where the loser has to switch to the winner’s layout. So far, Dvorak has always beaten QWERTY.

Search YouTube for “Best of Liszt” (Halidon Music):

“Franz Liszt is one of the great romantic composers of piano literature. He was really held as the super-virtuoso of the 19th century.”

As Tony recounted, Buffett told him,

“Investing in yourself is the most important investment you’ll ever make in your life. . . . There’s no financial investment that’ll ever match it, because if you develop more skill, more ability, more insight, more capacity, that’s what’s going to really provide economic freedom. . . . It’s those skill sets that really make that happen.”

This echoes what Jim Rohn famously said, “If you let your learning lead to knowledge, you become a fool. If you let your learning lead to action, you become wealthy.”

Doesn’t Always Have to Be Hard “I have come to learn that part of the business strategy is to solve the simplest, easiest, and most valuable problem. And actually, in fact, part of doing strategy is to solve the easiest problem.”

Reid’s First Principle Is Speed

“We agreed I was going to make judgment calls on a range of issues on his behalf without checking with him. He told me, ‘In order to move fast, I expect you’ll make some foot faults. I’m okay with an error rate of 10 to 20%—times when I would have made a different decision in a given situation—if it means you can move fast.’ I felt empowered to make decisions with this ratio in mind, and it was incredibly liberating.”

“I think we need to teach kids two things: 1) how to lead, and 2) how to solve interesting problems. Because the fact is, there are plenty of countries on Earth where there are people who are willing to be obedient and work harder for less money than us.

Altucher

“We all have, let’s say, two or three dozen massive pain points in our lives that everyone can relate to. I try to basically write about those, and then I try to write about how I attempted to recover from them.”

To me, the quote above explains how James went from unknown to millions of readers faster than most writers gain a thousand readers. James made his specialty exploring his own pain and fear, and he shows the light at the end of the tunnel without ignoring the darkness in the middle.

Some of my most popular blog posts since 2007 have been the least time-consuming but the most uncomfortable. To produce these, I usually ask myself: “What am I embarrassed to be struggling with? And what am I doing about it?”

If you can’t get 10 good ideas, get 20 ideas.

On the Value of Selective Ignorance, After Working at a Newspaper

“You’re basically told, ‘Find the thing that’s going to scare people the most and write about it.’ . . . It’s like every day is Halloween at the newspaper. I avoid newspapers.”

TF: Many productive people do the same, including Nassim Taleb.

1,000 True Fans

To be a successful creator, you don’t need millions. You don’t need millions of dollars or millions of customers, clients, or fans. To make a living as a craftsperson, photographer, musician, designer, author, animator, app maker, entrepreneur, or inventor you need only 1,000 true fans. A true fan is defined as “a fan who will buy anything you produce.” These diehard fans will drive 200 miles to see you sing; they will buy the hardback and paperback and audio versions of your book; they will purchase your next figurine, sight unseen;

Here’s how the math works. You need to meet two criteria: First, you have to create enough each year that you can earn, on average, $100 profit from each true fan. That is easier to do in some arts and businesses than others, but it is a good creative challenge in every area because it is always easier and better to give your existing customers more, than it is to find new fans. Second, you must have a direct relationship with your fans. That is, they must pay you directly. You get to keep all of their support, unlike the small percentage of their fees you might get from a music label, publisher, studio, retailer, or other intermediate. If you keep the full $100 from each true fan, then you need only 1,000 of them to earn $100K per year. That’s a living for most folks. 1,000 customers is a whole lot more feasible to aim for

Here are some specific phrases that he uses, which I’ve borrowed, and you’ll notice that pseudo-commands are sometimes more effective than questions:

Prompts to Elicit Stories (Most Interviewers Are Weak at This)

“Tell me about a time when . . .”

“Tell me about the day [or moment or time] when . . .”

“Tell me the story of . . . [how you came to major in X, how you met so-and-so, etc.]”

“Tell me about the day you realized ___ . . . ”

“What were the steps that got you to ___ ?”

“Describe the conversation when . . .”

Follow-Up Questions When Something Interesting Comes Up, Perhaps in Passing

“How did that make you feel?”

“What do you make of that?”

General-Use Fishing Lures

“If the old you could see the new you, what would the new you say?”

“You seem very confident now. Was that always the case?”

“If you had to describe the debate in your head about [X decision or event], how would you describe it?”

Every single thing in your company breaks every time you roughly triple in size.

You get to 10 people, and everything kind of breaks again. You figure that out, and then you get to 30 people and everything is different, and then 100 and then 300 and then 1,000.

His dad, a very successful entrepreneur, gave Chris advice when he was a freshman or sophomore in high school: “I distinctly remember him saying not to worry about what I was going to do because the job I was going to do hadn’t even been invented yet. . . . The interesting jobs are the ones that you make up.

“That’s something I certainly hope to instill in my son: Don’t worry about what your job is going to be. . . . Do things that you’re interested in, and if you do them really well, you’re going to find a way to temper them with some good business opportunity.”

#Tools of Titans #Tim Ferriss #book review

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shinneth · 5 years ago

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Gem Ascension Tropes (White Diamond-specific: A - E)

Primary General Post ♦ Full Article ♦ Primary Peri Post

Adaptational Villainy: While White was creepy, imposing, and very antagonistic in canon until the tail end of CYM, her GA incarnation stubbornly remains as the Big Bad up to the moment she self-destructs. And this is even after she was given a chance to make a new life for herself.

A God Am I: Of course she believes this. White was also certain whatever combination of Diamonds formed the “Diamond of Miracles” would have her in the equation no matter what, so White fully believed she was the legendary savior everybody needed on top of that. The fact that she all but entirely shut down after seeing Pink 2.0 and Chartreuse form that very Diamond says it all.

Asshole Victim: Well… she was a Complete Monster…

The Assimilator: One of White Diamond’s most identifiable traits in the GA continuity. She goes well beyond just snatching bodies; she permanently evicts her victims’ conscious minds just to use the bodies as monitoring devices. Even worse, a victim might be forcibly fused with several others to form a perma-fusion that is little more than a clone of White Diamond (in likeness only).

Bad Boss: She’s no better (likely much worse, even) than Yellow or Blue when it comes to shattering her own subjects; even over misdemeanors or just because she felt like it. And Act I proves even her fellow Diamonds aren’t immune to this: White kills Blue and Yellow without any second thoughts, even though doing so ultimately did more harm than good for her. After all the trouble White went through to convince Peridot to ascend to Chartreuse Diamond, sweet-talk and all, White wasted no time using Chartreuse the moment she came into existence and micromanaged the hell out of her. Despite outright telling Peridot that the two of them would be equals if she became Chartreuse Diamond, the second the latter referred to her as an equal set White off big time. White outright abused Chartreuse for even claiming they were equals. So, yeah… “bad boss” is putting it mildly.

Big Bad: Is quickly established to be this, barely giving the other Diamonds a chance to be antagonistic towards the heroes before she turns on them as well.

Body Snatcher: Will supplant a pallified gem’s consciousness at will, and when the pallification condition is widespread, she can Body Surf with ease.

Break the Haughty: Most of Act III qualifies as this for White. Even in the beginning, at the height of her power, Peridot’s constantly undermining her authority. Still, by Chapter 8, this trope hits White to the highest possible degree. She loses her subjects (consequently making her unable to make use of her omniscient powers), the Crystal Gems are beating her up very efficiently by the later chapters, no one respects her at all, she’s not part of the “diamond of miracles” prophecy, and Homeworld itself falls primarily due to her own incompetence. By the end, she’s become such an irrelevant joke to the Crystal Gems that their indifference to her is what causes a chain of events that ultimately leads to White self-destructing out of shame.

Break Them by Talking: Employs this with some very well-timed Armor-Piercing Questions to finally make a crack in Peridot’s otherwise unbreakable stubborn defiance. Peridot is rendered powerless and submissive, which enables White to pinpoint her other weaknesses to make her ultimately succumb to the Big Bad’s will. She succeeds in doing this again later when she takes advantage of Chartreuse’s more recent shortcomings as Peridot in her inability to fuse, in addition to guilt-tripping her over her negative influence on Steven inadvertently caused by their mutual PTSD.

But For Me, It Was Tuesday: While Yellow and Blue are also historically guilty of this to the highest degree, their limited presence in the GA series doesn’t allow them to actively portray this trope at all – let alone embody it so thoroughly as White Diamond. Even then, White is very likely to be responsible for more deaths (from petty shatterings of court members who annoyed her to full-on global genocide) than her two fellow Diamonds combined. White has to be actively called out before she’ll even attempt to think back on any time she actively ended a life, but the most she’ll ever do is offer the flimsiest justification. But really, White’s far more likely to disregard it entirely; it’s a given she can’t be bothered to remember the details of long-dead “lower beings”.

The Caligula: It can be argued White was always this, but once she’s the last one standing in the Diamond Authority and has to stand in for both Yellow and Blue Diamond’s duties, it’s evident given the state of Homeworld from Act I compared to Homeworld of Act III that White is utterly batshit as a ruler who seemingly wants the world to burn. The vast majority of the Homeworld gems are pallified, and the few that remain untainted don’t have a clue of what’s going on. And they were threatened to be pallified if they dared ask questions. White is notorious for switching her mood on a dime…

Can’t Kill You, Still Need You: In two different ways this trope is in play for why White Diamond keeps Peridot alive after capturing her; her value as a Hostage MacGuffin to lure Steven back to Homeworld and into her grasp, and Peridot herself being the final gem White Diamond experimented on before she emerged, which White herself has big plans for taking advantage of.

Chooser of the One: White Diamond conducted the experiment and added the diamond ingredients to the injector fluid that would later create Peridot. Mind you, Peridot was randomly chosen, and White Diamond only did this because Homeworld wouldn’t be able to create any more gems after this, meaning no more opportunities to conduct these kinds of experiments.

Clone Degeneration: Can make clones of herself via fusing several pallified gems into a singular being, but despite invoking her likeness, they will never be anywhere near as powerful as White Diamond herself. But it’s not like they’re meant to be powerful to begin with…

Complete Monster: Unlike her canon counterpart, there are zero redeeming qualities of White Diamond and not a single shred of moral fiber or empathy exists within her.

Control Freak: Considering her general personality and being a serial Body Snatcher that literally lets her control her subjects’ every movements… it’s safe to say White is this trope to the highest possible degree.

Cruel Mercy: After losing her empire, her subjects, and soon to be losing her planet, Steven honoring White’s request for an Energy Donation doesn’t yield the kind of reaction White is used to getting. Instead, everyone regards her with apathy and neutrality, and White quickly understands this is much more devastating than being universally reviled. She doesn’t understand the point in living if she can’t be the center of attention and the most important aspect of everyone’s lives, so White actually feels Steven is condemning her to A Fate Worse Than Death.

Deader than Dead: She exploded into a ring of dust right before her planet did the same. She’s gone.

Death by Adaptation: Near the end of Act III. Obviously, she never died in Change Your Mind.

Death by Despair: Losing her planet, her subjects, her authority, her dominance over others, her relevance… then being nearly scared to death by Peridot and mildly disfigured by Connie is what finally drives White over the edge as she’s unable to cope with how hard she’s fallen in the span of a day. So, in her agony, she self-destructs shortly after the Crystal Gems leave.

Defensive Feint Trap: So, that big battle the Crystal Gems have with White in Chapter 6 of Act III? Where White barely got in any offense at all as the Crystal Gems wreaked havoc on her? Total waste of time, as that wasn’t really White Diamond, but rather a proxy. Once Chartreuse and Pink 2.0 are captured by the proxy, another one comes over to take the prisoners before destroying the battle-worn proxy with ease.

Defiant to the End: Even at her lowest moment, she mocks the Crystal Gems and even tries to throw Steven’s Energy Donation back into his face.

Does This Remind You of Anything?: The dichotomy between White Diamond and Chartreuse Diamond is exactly the same as the dichotomy between Yellow Diamond and Peridot. The only difference is that White and Chartreuse are both Diamonds, therefore on the same level (White even said as much before convincing Peridot to ascend) – but almost immediately, White asserts her dominance over Chartreuse and refuses to see her as an equal. She abuses Chartreuse enough to scare the latter back into the familiar position of “lowly minion” and micromanages Chartreuse every chance she gets. Once White Diamond gives Chartreuse backhanded praise for capturing the Crystal Gems, it invokes Chartreuse’s Heel Realization that ultimately leads to her Heel-Face Turn.

Don’t You Dare Pity Me!: Says this almost verbatim in Chapter 8 of Act III to Iridescent Diamond.

The Dreaded: Just talking about her on Homeworld can result in A Fate Worse Than Death. White embraces this trope more openly towards the end of Act I, as it’s revealed between then and the start of Act III that she’s infected almost the entirety of Homeworld to the point where the planet itself can no longer keep itself together.

Entitled Bastard: So very exaggerated with this iteration of White Diamond.

Evil is Petty: To the Nth degree. She kills Yellow Diamond despite the latter managing to get to her feet against all odds while severely injured per the former’s instructions… solely on the basis that White didn’t like how Yellow was standing. Peridot is the one most often on the receiving end of this, as White resorts to cheating on two separate occasions to overcome her own insurmountable willpower. The rest of the Crystal Gems are also subjected to the pettiness throughout Act III, though this aspect of White is even more exaggerated in Celadon Diamond.

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recentanimenews · 5 years ago

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THE GREAT CRUNCHYROLL RE:ZERO REWATCH Endures Heartbreak In Episodes 11-15

Hi people! I'm your host for this week's GREAT CRUNCHYROLL Re:ZERO REWATCH, Carolyn Burke! Time has been really flying by during this particular rewatch venture as we zero in on the last two weeks the Re:ZERO rewatch! Last week's episodes 6-10, we saw the revelation of Rem's demonic nature and Emilia and Subaru grew a little closer as he sought emotional comfort in his friend... and all of that is about to come crumbling down in this week's episodes 10-15. Let's just say we're about to build on commenter Pure6Evil's disdain for Subaru. Ready or not, let's go!

Before starting this rewatch we heard a lot of things about Rem being Worst Girl. For a while there, it wasn't too hard to see why. But this block of episodes has shown a gentle, very loyal side of Rem. How are we all feeling about her at this point?

David: I have to disagree with this premise. The season this show aired, she was essentially the most popular character of the season, if not the whole year. One of my personal Discord servers has a whole channel dedicated to posting Rem fanart. To properly answer the question though, yeah, I like Rem.

Joshua: People were saying Rem is worst girl? Just who's been spreading these lies and slander? Why, I oughtta give em a piece of my mind!

Rem's sweet, adorable, and her willingness to stand by Subaru no matter how much he degrades himself is admirable, but she's also a truly tragic figure. She has no sense of self-worth and cannot see the qualities in her that I described, because shes always comparing herself to Ram, and shouldering the blame for what happened. I know how hard it can be to watch talented siblings succeed while you flounder, so I can empathize with Rem. I like her and want her to be happy, but falling for a guy with his heart so set on another, also makes me feel sorry for her.

Paul: I don't want to see Rem end up as Subaru's doormat. Their relationship is deeply unhealthy, imbalanced, and rooted firmly in Rem's internalized sense of worthlessness. Much as Subaru fixates on Emilia and frames his own selfish behavior as self-sacrifice, so too does Rem fixate on Subaru, and I don't see much good coming of that.

Jared: I'd always assumed she was the popular one of the twins. I think she has a good deal of complexity of growing up and feeling inferior to Ram, which was something I wasn't expecting. Nothing about her seems offensive. Although, like Paul says, I don't like the way the relationship between her and Subaru is heading. You can do so much better than him Rem!

Rene: As much as I would love this to be a reality, Rem really is far away from being categorized as Worst Girl (except by people like me who dunk on her for fun). I do strongly agree with Paul on her unhealthy relationship to Subaru and have always had a problem with how her entire backstory was basically shoved into one flashback episode as almost every other character gets a much more natural development. And while she does get one of the most beautiful scenes in the show later on (if viewed in a vacuum), my main point of contention with her is that she feels somewhat artificial and too much of a wish-fulfillment in a show that otherwise revels in denying exactly those positive feelings to its protagonist and the viewer. While I did find her intriguing in the beginning, but she devolves too much into idealistic waifu exhibit A for me. Maybe if she weren't so heavily defined by Subaru, I would find her far more interesting and likable.

Noelle: People really say Rem is worst girl? Really? Why? I think Rem has her flaws, but those flaws are part of her character, and honestly make her more interesting. She isn't my favorite type of character, but I think if they explore her co-dependency with Subaru and her internalized poor self-image, she could be really interesting? She has a lot of potential.

Kevin: Ever since the first time I got to this point in the show, I was definitely a Rem fan. I can see Emilia's appeal, but I realized over time that her and Subarus relationship brings out the worst in each other, and is largely based on making up excuses to disobey the other. Meanwhile, Rem and Subaru's relationship is generally built on mutual trust and tends to bring out the best in both of them. Also, Rem can kick ass on her own, while Emilia needs a spirit whos only awake during business hours.

Kara: I mean, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't calling Rem Worst Girl just because she is the fave, but I wasn't impressed with her early on. While Ram is still my fave, the show really has redeemed Rem for me and now I think she deserves better than Subaru to be honest.

Austin: Worst girl is news to me. I honestly like her a lot, even if I do like a lot of the other girls more. I think her admiration towards Subaru is cute and touching in a lot of ways even if it does get to be a bit much at times.

Danni: I think that was kind of just us goofing on her being by far the most popular. After this batch of episodes, though, I think it might actually be the case. Now that she's in love with Subaru she's basically affirming Subarus actions as the show is trying to discourage them.

There's a lot of contention (and prejudice) around this royal selection. Who would you choose and why?

David: Crusch. She seems like the most level-headed candidate, the one that would be able to deal things out fairly. Everyone else has some inherent biases I wouldn't trust.

Joshua: I'd swear my loyalty to Beatrice, but as she isn't a candidate, I'm also Team Crusch. She has an air of maturity around her that the other candidates appear to lack, and she's already shown not just humility, but how committed she is to her word. Not only did she take in Subaru, an ally of her political rival, but she gave him counsel, and upheld her contract even after Emilia had left. She definitely strikes me as someone who could be trusted to lead a country. I like Anastasia's design and dialect, but she strikes me as a bit of a warmonger!

Paul: I don't know what the royal election really is, and I don't trust the information that's been provided so far, so I can't in good faith pick a candidate. When I realized that every contender is female, and that they were referred to as dragon priestesses, it set off every dramatic irony alarm bell in my brain. Why did the original royal family go into hiding? What hold does the dragon exert over the nation of Lugunica? The whole thing smells like a set up for human sacrifice, like the lottery in the 1981 movie Dragonslayer, and if this were my Dungeons & Dragons campaign, that's how I would script it for the big mid-story twist.

Jared: Felt, because hell yeah let's tear down the idea of nobility and commoners and cause absolute chaos.

Rene: The thing I love about the royal selection is how it doesn't have a right answer. While my allegiance obviously belongs to Team Emilia. if you look at it from the outside, everyone has their up- and downsides. Emilia has idealistic views in abolishing goals in abolishing racism and while she has a sense for what is appropriate to do in royal politics (as Subaru contrasts beautifully) but she can push that to the point of naivete. Krusch is certainly the most level-headed but seems to not have as strong a humane side to her. She's far from cruel but give off too strong of a military vibe. Anastasia has a similar aura around her, just that she is more focused on monetary concerns instead of the military. Felt doesn't want to rule and doesn't have the experience to do so but you could argue that not egotistically striving for power is a good quality of a leader in itself. The only real contender that seems to be exclusively on the negative side is Priscilla - but she has the fact going for her that there seems to be some reason why Al is such a loyal servant of hers. It is a mystery that makes her far more interesting than she should be. Its really great how each contestant is balanced out in a way that you don't automatically expect Emilia as the main girl to win because logically speaking, every one could rule the country in their own way and still work as a ruler that doesn't result into pure awfulness.

Noelle: Crusch, absolutely. A leader who is able to take advice from their subordinates, but also has the ability to apologize when they genuinely make mistakes and work on assumptions is very important. Although, I find her the most inspiring leader from the group; the others definitely have their moments and things worth bringing to the table. Social change, economics, and criticism of the class structure are all issues and challenges that the general populace would face, and having goals oriented in that direction is important. The only one I can't really see ruling is Priscilla, but that's more because she seems to be a reflection of the current aristocracy. Her aim, if I'm reading this correctly, feels like keeping the norm, and that in itself is a position to take.

Kevin: At this point, I don't think we really have enough information to be able to choose a side. We've followed Emilia, but have almost no idea what she wants to do when in charge (the most specific we know is that she wants everyone to be equal, and her sponsor wants to kill the dragon), and Felt doesn't even want to be there. The other three, we have even less to go on. So for now, I abstain from picking, but let's revisit this in a week or two.

Kara: Give it to Anastasia, she sounds like she knows how to party.

Austin: Felt! Emilia may be my favorite girl in the show but I desperately want to see how far her running mad with power would go, as bad as that may sound.

Danni: Team Felt all the way. Burn it all down! I could also be swayed towards backing Crusch, if only because Felix is now my husband.

Subaru and Emilia's relationship came into focus a bit more during this arc and he seems to have messed things up pretty badly with Emilia. Do you agree with her choice to walk away or do you understand where he's coming from? Do you think hell set things right in his next life or move on with Rem?

David: Ignoring the questions about the future, nothing Emilia said or did was wrong. Subaru has gotten a lot in his head and needed to be metaphorically clocked at this point.

Joshua: The worst thing Subaru did was double down when he should have back-pedaled. I cringed as he raved about how everything worked out because he was there, which was the breaking point for Emilia too. He shouldn't have disobeyed her orders in leaving the inn, and he shouldn't have made a fool of himself at the Royal Selection, but if he had owned up to his mistakes and apologized to Emilia, he could have saved himself.

I get why Subaru was so incensed though. One of the rulers of the land went on an unchallenged, racist rant aimed at the woman he loves. I'd probably have made a fool of myself in the heat of the moment too, but I agree with Emilia that his reason for not following her orders, was his own selfishness.

Paul: Subaru screwed up big time. He betrayed Emilia's trust at every opportunity, and he exhibits a really shitty sense of entitlement over her that has ballooned from troubling to downright unhealthy. She was right to cut him loose, just as everyone he clashed with was right when they told Subaru (in various ways) that he was way out of line. I don't want to see him run away with Rem, which I know they do in a set of alternate reality spin-off novels, because Subaru needs to fix himself first before he can even begin to consider pursuing a healthy, romantic relationship.

Jared: Emilia has every right to walk away from Subaru at this point. His delusions of grandeur, self-entitlement, and arrogance causes him to break her trust by not listening to her and then embarrassing her at the royal selection. Plus, with how he acts afterward, he's the epitome of toxicity. So, I hope he doesn't try to just run off with Rem or anything like that. I think where we leave things in this set of episodes makes it so it's going to be extremely hard for him to try and set things right, but at the same time, I'm at the point where I'm rooting for none of the girls to have anything to do with him.

Rene: This is the scene that made me completely fall in love with this show and ascended it to the next level for me. Its a fantastic payoff after 13 episodes of buildup. Subarus repeated failures/deaths and him being saved by Reinhardt, Rem & Roswaal may have laid the ground that this isn't a regular Isekai show in which the protagonist is the all-mighty superhero but this scene really cements that the world does not, in fact, revolve around him - which is something so many Isekai anime don't get right.

What I love about this scene is the revelation of how Emilia cant understand what he has (seemingly) done for her. It should be obvious if you think about it for one second yet many Isekai have primed us to think that the protagonist obviously has the ultimate viewpoint - but how could Emilia possibly understand it? She does not know of the time-loop and from her point of view, Subaru just randomly showed up in her life one day, helped her find her crest (after which he had to be rescued by Reinhardt) and then forced his way into her life by becoming her butler, all while lauding her as an angel despite her never having done anything that would make it understandable to get this attention.

And now this guy, after having seriously jeopardized her chance for the throne, expects her to be grateful! How could she possibly do that? If someone showed up in your life and ruined something you have been working YEARS for, anyone would react that way. The fact that she entertained him for so long really underlines her patience and willingness to get along with anyone.

But while Subaru is a jackass who needed to be put down a notch, we can also see where he is coming from as we went through all the loops at his side. This makes the scene so powerful and recontextualizes the unhealthy wish-fulfillment fantasy that Isekai can really be if not written or executed well; Subaru even declared his joy about becoming the protagonist of such a story right after his arrival in Lugunica. So while I won't theorize about the future, as I have already seen the show, its really great to see the main character of a genre that can be notorious for only delivering simple power fantasies being put down for seeking exactly that and neglecting the perspectives and emotions of the people around him.

Noelle: I adored this scene, because it's been a long, long, LONG time coming. Emilia was 100% correct, and that she still wasn't extremely harsh on Subaru is a testament to her heart. Emilia's part in the royal selection is a way to prove herself in a public setting to the military and the nobility. It's her chance to prove the strength of her ideals, to show what she has been planning and what she wants for the new government shed create under her rule. It's her chance to shine, not anyone else's. Subaru, in wanting to save her in the royal selection, is actually just putting a spotlight on himself. It's not helping her out at all, it's proving his loyalty and tenacity, but it doesn't show anything about Emilia's qualifications as a ruler. Subaru doesn't treat her like someone to serve, he shows that shes someone that he thinks should be coddled. In both putting himself in the forefront and not even supporting her that well, all he's doing is undermining what Emilia has been working for.

Subaru has never once seen Emilia as a person. He has seen her as a prize to be won, one that he deserves because he is the protagonist. He's pretty frank in it this episode, and I love how he's finally honest about what he actually wants-- that the girl he's crushing on should feel grateful to him because he put all this work in for her. He did these nice things for her and so he should get rewarded with her love. He does things, so she should fall for him. Its what he deserves as the protagonist, naturally, because heroes should be rewarded with girls at the end. All Emilia wants is to be treated humanely, like a person, not as something to be feared or as a candidate, but for who she is. And Subaru sure is completely against ever seeing her as an individual and not as a trope, as a prize, as a heroine. You do deserve to get kicked to the curb, Subaru.

Kevin: I think part of the reason the scene resonates so well is because we understand Subaru due to seeing his viewpoint for so long, but I don't think we're supposed to agree with him. He's basically saying that he deserves to be with Emilia because of how many times he's died trying to protect her, and that's not the basis of a healthy relationship. You never deserve a person, so I totally agree with Emilia leaving. As for how things will go in the next life and with the choice between Emilia or Rem... Begins laughing in spoiler-ese.

Kara: She was completely right. I get that Subaru's circumstances are unimaginable. I really do. I can't imagine having to survive watching people you care about die over and over. But if he really loves her, then the number one thing he should be able to do is keep a promise to her. He doesn't even have the excuse of having gone through a loop where the meeting went badly without him. Subaru needs to check himself, and then check himself again... At least this explains the cagey reader comments. Up until now.

Austin: Emilia is 110% in the right for walking away. As much sympathy as I have for Subaru, he took one step too far and started seeing himself as a bit too much of a hero that even death couldn't conquer and screwed up big time. I don't take back any previous comments of feeling bad for him whenever he dies horribly or breaks down under the stress of everything, but that doesn't mean that I don't think he needs to do a little self-reflection. That all said, when I first watched this I really hoped there would be a chance for Subaru to make things right with Emilia in a way that didn't undo the importance of the scene where she leaves him.

Danni: DUMP! HIM! She was totally in the right without question. There's no interpretation of that scene that doesn't make it clear that he's in the wrong. I've been rooting for Subaru, which made that scene harder to watch than any of the gruesome scenes that followed it. It is refreshing to see his selfishness in self-sacrifice punished after I was just complaining about it last week. That also happened to be before his latest save point, so there's no way he can ever make things right. That doesn't mean he can't regain her trust, though, and I truly hope he reflects on it next week and they're able to patch things up.

As always, what are our highs and lows for this week?

David: The ENTIRE scene where they introduce the candidates, culminating in Felt simultaneously being introduced, rejecting the idea, and accepting the concept all at essentially the same time. That's some lore-as-plot being used at its height. While I don't dislike anything here, my low would be how abysmally Subaru treats himself and everyone he loves after the Emilia moment. It's very important to his character arc, but it really, really hurts to watch.

Joshua: I really appreciate the first episode of this batch, where we learn of Rem and Ram's past. Watching Rem's insecurities manifest as twisted visages of her parents was hard to watch, but it was fascinating to see how even innocuous pleasantries made over the dinner table can, unfortunately, have the opposite effect. Her conversation with Subaru at his bedside was also really touching, with Rem's smile feeling so sincerely peaceful. If only Subaru had acted that cool in all of this week's episodes.

Subaru's first return to the Roswaal mansion is also a great example of why less can be better than more. Seeing only the trail of blood and trinkets like Emilia's pin on the floor makes me wonder what exactly happened to her, what she had to experience, and what went through her mind. This uncertainty is worse than actually seeing it play out, which I think only added to our understanding of Subarus pain, because of the blame he carries.

I do worry if the impact of deaths is being lessened by their repetition, though? While the series is doing a great job of showing their impact on Subaru, we've only just cleared the first half and Rems already died three times. How many more will it before I just think "Oh, not again"? Also, Beatrice didn't appear at all! What's up with that?

Paul: This set of episodes was full of emotional highs, but if I were to pick my favorite moment, it'd be when Subaru after getting the crap kicked out of him by Julius in a fight that Subaru started lets the mask drop and essentially admits without realizing it that his affection for Emilia is one-sided and warped. It's rare that you see the ostensible hero for an anime be so reprehensible and so drunk on his own ego, and I appreciate that degree of candor. My low point would be the latest plot wrinkle with the witch cult. All of these threats are coming so fast and so furious that I don't really have a chance to digest them.

Jared: The introduction of Felt into the Royal Selection, while I inadvertently spoiled myself on that earlier, was still fun and interesting with how much she was not having it. I've been also pleasantly surprised with how the show has tackled issues with prejudice and racism with regards to Emilia, as while we've heard rumblings about that, they really ramped up with this set of episodes. Low points were the witches' cult stuff which just felt hokey to an extent. Plus it is starting to seem like the numerous times we see someone die is becoming normalized. I'm curious how the series will try to introduce any sort of finality given that wed expect at this point that it'd just get rewritten and not matter.

Rene: As I already wrote an entire essay above, I'll keep it short and concise: My High was (obviously) Emilia's breakup with Subaru while my low was the way Rem's backstory was handled. If she had forgotten a more fleshed out arc over the entirety of the show, maybe I would've ended up in a better place with her ...

Noelle: My absolute high of this entire show so far was Emilia cutting Subaru off and his tantrum about it. I'm honestly glad that the show is shining a light on just how entitled this sort of attitude is. Watching that scene felt so, so satisfying. I think it's my favorite moment of the show overall so far? Also, seeing the candidates for the royal selection, and what each wants to bring to the table. That was pretty cool.

Low point is the witch cult, because while it could have a lot of potential, it feels more like they came out of nowhere?

Kevin: High - Can I just say the entire last episode? Every moment wasn't necessarily the highest point, but everything coming together and leading up to Subaru carrying Rem out of the cave is one of the first things I recall when I think back on Re:ZERO. Low - Really hard to pick something I didn't like this week, especially with how strongly it ended. Maybe Rem struggling off of Rams back to save Subaru? I'm not sure if they ran out of animation budget or it was just a bad perspective, but it never looks like she really struggles, more like Ram just falls over.

Kara: Gotta agree that my High Point was Emilia just having enough. Good on her. I'm not sure I have a low point, but my WTF Point is that credit roll at the end of episode 15. That entire sequence is now my sleep paralysis demon, complete with the intense orchestral music.

Austin: The scene that introduces Betelgeuse is excellent. From how easily it paints how absolutely nuts he is to the complete emotional turn around that Subaru made it extremely unforgettable, even with it a bit hard to watch after Rem gets mutilated by the unseen hand. It also seconds as a great display of how powerful the Witchs Cult is in a way Subaru can understand and makes them as an antagonizing force a lot more interesting than just the reason Rem and Ram work for Roswall. As for lows, it's difficult to pick something, but I must say I wish Rem had a bit more self-worth since its a bit sad to see such a cute muffin sacrifice herself so much.

Danni: My high and low points are pretty much all the same scenes this week. All the gruesome scenes and the sequences of Subaru selfishly centering himself were both hard to watch and important for the point that Re:ZERO is trying to make. All that being said, at this point, it's bordering on becoming simple torture porn, like when the camera and art make sure to emphasize Rems bloody, injured breasts. On a lighter note, they introduced a lot of great characters this week. Even Betelgeuse made me laugh out loud while being incredibly disgusted at everything going on. No Beatrice this week, though, so that alone means my entire week is shot. Thanks for nothing, Re:ZERO.

COUNTERS:

Week: Barusu - 5 Subaru Deaths - 2 Methods of Death - Freezing, Beheading

Overall: Barusu - 24 Subaru Deaths - 9 How Subaru Died - Disembowelment, Disembowelment, Stabbing, Curse, Combination (Curse+Dismemberment), Slit Throat / Torture, Suicide, Freezing, Beheading

Wow, what a heavy week! If you're dying to find out what's in store for Subaru and his friends, join us next week for episodes 16-20. If you're new, feel free to catch up on Re:ZERO and join us!

Here's our upcoming schedule!

-Next week, on October 11th, David hosts our penultimate week with episodes 16-20

-On October 18th, Danni will finish out with the final episodes 21-25

CATCH UP ON THE REWATCH:

Episodes 6-10: From Apples To Demons

Episodes 1-5: Starting Life in Another Rewatch

Re:ZERO Introduction Questions

What are your answers to the above questions? Were you spooked by the creature at the end of episode 15? Let us know in the comments!

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Carolyn also writes for Bunny Ears and Cracked. Follow her on Twitter and Instagram.

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