#i also used to think rpf (which i had to look up reading this ask lol) was cringe before queen/borhap

[ramp-it-up]

II Most Wanted Pt. 2: Pedal so heavy 

Pairing: Syverson x OFC Reader "Buttercup" (w/ Betty Bronco)

Summary: The feelings are getting real as you make a decision about giving Jake Syverson the time of day (or night, rather) at your 20 year reunion.

Warnings: 18+ Only, Minors DNI. RPF. S MUT, Angst, pining, fluff. Flashbacks, horny teenagers being horny (over 18 tho). Prom night, early 2000's music, mentions of sex acts, "Captain" kink, mentions of teenage pregnancy, divorce, breakups. The Powerpuff Girls, old automobiles, 20 year high school reunion, drinking, swearing. Reckless driving?

Read at your own risk.  Not Beta’d. All errors my own.

A/N:  This is the second installment of II Most Wanted. I'm in love with these two; they are bringing my writer heart back to life. If you like it, please reblog and comment.

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Previous part here

-----------------

May 2024

“Well, now Buttercup, that’s a long story. I know you want to hang with your friends. And I don’t know what you’re doin’ later tonight, but I would like to go somewhere quiet and talk about it.”

When you heard that, you went into fight or flight mode. Rage, regret, and sadness all flooded your body at once, and Sy’s eyes flicked down to your dominant hand which was curling into a fist. A wry smile started on his lips, and then he straightened up and looked you in the eye as he started to speak again.

“Butter-”

You shook your head, which silenced him. Then you raised your chin, released your fist, and turned your back, walking toward your friends.

—---

Get out (LEAVE!)

Right now

It’s the end of you and me

It’s too late (NOW!)

And I can’t wait 

For you to be gone…

Carla and Tiffani followed as you fled to the restroom.

“Why did you even tell him I liked him? I blame both of you.”

You were hurt, so you brought up a 20 year old slight and lashed out weakly at your friends. You were trying to ascribe meaning to your emotions.

How could everything still hurt this much? 

Carla wasn’t having it.

“Unh unh. No. Nope. We were sick of you running your mouth all the time about how cute he was. And Jakey boy had heart eyes for you since the day you walked into school, despite Becca the Bitch. After they broke up, we had to put you both out of your misery. It had to be done.”

Tiffani was nodding her head in agreement.

You sighed.

“‘M sorry guys,” you sat on the bathroom vanity and smiled to yourself about your Powerpuff councils in the 3rd floor Central High bathroom all those years ago. Then you grimaced when you thought of Sy.

“I just… Can’t…”

“So what just happened?”

Despite your surliness, Carla was ready to go to war for you.

“He wants me to go talk with him, ‘someplace quiet.’”

“Wow. Your air quotes are kind of aggressive.”

Sweet Tiffani was also calling you out.

“Maybe you do need to talk to him. I heard what happened, and it’s kind of a lot. A hell of a story.”

“Tiff has a point. You forbid us to say his name after you two broke up…”

You interrupted Carla.

“After he found out Becca was pregnant, you mean..”

“...That is a part of the story you need to hear. She did him dirty. They split when he finished his first tour. He asked about you, but you were already engaged to Scott…”

You’d heard that Sy enlisted instead of going to State for football like he planned when Becca fell pregnant, but the bit about the split hit you like a ton of bricks.

But why? And what did it matter now? 

“Sy spent the better part of the last 20 years in Afghanistan, and I think it’s because…But that’s not our story to tell. You really ought to talk to him.”

“I don’t have to do-”

Your voice was a little shrill and you closed your mouth when you heard yourself. You stood in the bathroom awkwardly until the familiar beginning of a song wafted into the room:

“Teen drinking is very bad.”

Carla and Tiff started screaming the next line:

“Yo, I got a fake ID tho.”

The beat dropped and they pulled you out of the bathroom onto the dance floor.

One, here comes the two to the three to the four Everybody drunk out on the dance floor Baby girl ass jiggle like she want more Like she a groupie and I aint even on tour...

…..Everybody in this bitch getting Tipsy.

This was your thot song, and after a minute of standing there, fake offended by their dancing, soon you were shaking your ass with your lifelong friends.

—-----

Sy knew how much he was trying it when he asked you to talk, but he had been waiting 20 years for this chance. 

Tonight was the night.

And he wasn’t going to let the night pass without shooting his shot. But the truth needed to be told first. He hoped that you still cared enough to let it happen.

When you stared at him blankly, he started to sweat. He knew you lived your life since then. He feared that any feelings you may have had for him were over and done with. But then he saw your hand balled into a fist, and hope entered his heart.

Sy never shrank from a fight; hell, he’d started too many, but he never wished for someone to sock him in the mouth as much as you.

He wanted to fight with you. 

And he wanted to make it up to you. 

His heart dropped when you walked away, but he decided to let it ride and give you some space. After you disappeared into the bathroom with Carla and Tiffani, Sy ventured into the venue, ready to interact with others now that he had laid down the challenge with you.

—---

You were having a ball dancing with the girls until that song came on. You stopped moving, the hair raised on the back of your neck. When you turned you found Sy staring right at you. You’d managed to ignore him the entire night, but this song and his blue eyes were wearing you down.

I'd sure hate to break down here Nothin' up ahead or in the rear view mirror Out in the middle of nowhere, knowin' I'm in trouble if these wheels stop rollin' So, God help me, keep me movin' somehow Don't let me start wishin' I was with him now

You walked toward Sy, drawn to him as if on a string. You had that feeling in the small of your back as you stood before him, the one that you hadn’t felt in ages, and suddenly everything felt inevitable.

Just like it did 20 years earlier. 

—---

May 2004

On Prom night, you came out of your bedroom and Sy’s mouth dropped open. His eyes never strayed from your face as he murmured,

“You look amazing.”

You blushed and smiled while your mom ‘awwwed’ and went to get her camera. You approached your boyfriend and he took your hand to twirl you around as he appraised the rest of you in your sleek emerald green dress. When you faced him again, he was licking his lips, trying to make the look on his face respectable. You smiled because you could read his mind.

Sy didn’t flinch as your mom called him “Jacob,” and you didn’t have it in you to be annoyed as she took a couple of pictures. Sy’s hand on your waist and his thumb gently stroking the exposed skin at the opening on the side of your dress made you shiver in anticipation.

You were caught up.

Soon, Sy was loading your bag into the back of Betty, and pulling off, your mom having accepted your explanation of staying over Tiffani’s after going bowling with the group after the prom.

In reality, a bunch of the crew were renting a huge chalet in the mountains, 45 minutes away. You and Sy had your own room, and you were ready to give him everything that night. You were distracted, imagining having your way with him that night.

And Sy was right there with you.

“Y’know, Buttercup, we can just head on up to the chalet.” 

He cut his eyes over to you to watch your reaction. When you didn’t answer and just bit your lip, that’s when he knew.

“Our suite has its own bathroom with a shower in it. We’re definitely using that this weekend. Can’t wait to see you all soapy and wet. ‘S all I could think about in the shower tonight. Almost jerked off to the image, but I decided to save it all for later…”

Sy knew you too well, and had keyed into how you responded when he talked dirty to you. He was priming the pump for later.

You pictured Sy in the shower, his lithe muscles clenched as he fisted himself, made you suddenly need a drink of water. You cleared your throat and found your voice.

“We have to go, Sy. I spent so much time getting ready. And you look so handsome in this tux….”

You skimmed your hand down his lapel, down his torso to his thigh, and you quickly ascertained his situation. He grinned at you.

“You’re right.”

Sy winked, smiled and concentrated on the road while you tried not to be a slut in the passenger seat. By the time you reached the venue, you had yourself under control. He parked, then turned toward you. 

“Let’s have a good time tonight, Buttercup. Think you can keep your hands offa me for a couple of hours?”

You scoffed, and Sy took your hand and kissed the back of it, then turned it over and kissed your palm, smoothing the joke away because in reality, It was him who couldn’t help touching you.

“Don’t want to mess up your makeup right now… might ruin it later tho.”

You whimpered in his grip as he kissed up your arm and you tucked a long errant curl behind his ear. 

Sy’s eyes went soft and he held your hands in your lap.

“Y’know, we don’t have to do anything tonight. We can dance all night if you want to. Bowl the blue balls away.”

You laughed and Sy fell in love even more. You were so beautiful.

“I love you, Buttercup, and us having sex or not won’t change that, not one bit.”

You melted as you stared at your handsome fella. He was fiddling with your hand, and then you felt something cold on your finger. You pulled your hand back and saw the delicate white gold ring with a tiny perfect diamond in the center that had been his grandmother’s.

You gasped.

“Sy!”

You looked from him to his grandmother’s ring. You’d come across it the first time you were over his house, ‘studying’ in his room on a chilly November night after football practice. You were being nosy and looking at everything you could touch as he went to get some snacks.

Sy was embarrassed when he came back and saw you with it. You thought he was mad at you for snooping, but he wasn’t. He’d told you that it was just a ‘tiny little ol’ ring, not worth anything,’ and that no one would want it, but that his Gran had left it for him to give to his future wife. 

“But, I’ll propose to someone with a bigger ring than this.”

Sy’s denim blue eyes held yours for a beat. Your heart flipped. You didn’t know why, because you’d only been talking for a couple of weeks and this was the first time you were alone together. 

You didn’t know that Sy was repeating something Becca had told him when she turned her nose up at the antique when she happened to see it, and you didn’t care as you took the black box and sat down on his bed. You stared at the ring inside like it was the crown jewels, and after about 5 minutes of studying it, you looked up at him. 

“Well. I think this ring is beautiful and precious. The detail is stunning. Your future wife would be lucky to get it.” 

That was exactly when Sy realized that he was in love with you.

Back in the Bronco outside of the prom, you were in disbelief.

“What are you doing Sy….?”

All of a sudden, you felt too young for this moment. But after only six short months together, Sy knew exactly what you were thinking.

“Calm down, Buttercup, this is just a promise ring.” 

He kissed your hand again. 

“I know we're jumpin' the gun, and we're both still young.” 

Those eyes held you in a trance.

“But one day, we won't be.”

“Oh, Sy…”

“It’s my promise to you, Buttercup. I will love you ‘til the day I die.”

And it seemed kinda crazy. But you believed him.

—-

May 2024

I made it this far without cryin' a single tear An' I'd sure hate to break down here Oh, no

It was either the music, the dancing, or the alcohol, or all three that made your mind up, but you were ready to listen to what Sy had to say. 

Stephanie Prince, the class president, was calling the Homecoming court up to the stage, and Sy looked that way. Anger bloomed again inside you.

Damnit, Sy needed to choose you this time.

“You still wanna talk, Sy?”

Your body language that screamed aggression: the cocked hip, the crossed arms that pushed up your tits, the tapping foot in those heels, all made Sy soft on the inside and hard on the outside for you. When he answered you, his voice broke. 

“Ye– yeah.”

Christ, you had him weak. But he made a decision, found his strength, and grabbed your hand, pulling you out of the Marriott.

You followed him obediently, and that set him on fire. He stopped and turned around when he reached the Bronco. 

But he didn’t let go of your hand.

You two stared at each other in the late spring night air, stars winking down on you two.

“So where we goin’, Sy?”

Being this close to him again, and the feeling of his touch made all those 20 year old pheromones perk up again. Damn, this man. 

This huge, handsome, hairy man.

“Where do you wanna go, Buttercup?”

What your brain was doing was insane, so you just kept silent.

Becoming mute was one of your tells. Sy was elated that maybe you wanted him, at least physically. He was so thirsty for you.

“Hm.”

Sy grunted, straightened up, loosened his tie and unbuttoned the top buttons of his shirt, all while still holding your hand. It was like he didn’t want to let you go. 

And he didn’t.

“Tell you what. Let’s take a spin in Betty. See what’s up in the ol’ town.”

Your eyes flicked toward the truck, and you knew it was dangerous.

But you were grown now. 

And so was Sy.

Sy led you around to the passenger side door to help you up into the high profile vehicle, leaning over you to buckle you in, only releasing you to put his hand on the door.

“I can’t believe you still have her,” you whispered, indicating the Bronco. “How is she still the exact same condition?”

“She’s been in storage for the better part of 20 years. Thought about her everyday though.”

Sy was looking at your lips, and the memories came flooding back.

“I bet she missed you.”

Sy cocked his head and his tongue darted out to moisten his lips. His voice came out gruff and he had to clear his throat again. 

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah, Sy.”

Any smooth line was lost as his brain short circuited with the concentration it took to not kiss you right now. 

“Well, we’re about to have some fun together again, you, me, and Betty. Sit tight, pretty lady.” 

Your cheeks heated at the compliment.

“Ok, Captain.”

Sy actually blushed, shook his head and closed the door, leaving you to breathe in the old leather smell of the Bronco with your eyes closed, conveniently leaving him to pump his fist behind the car unseen by you. 

He got back in the car, jacket off. And he leaned near you to place it on the back seat, you got a whiff of him, the familiar cologne adding another dimension to your roiling senses.

When you opened your eyes, you witnessed him rolling his shirtsleeves up his forearms. He caught you ogling him and you gulped and crossed your own arms and legs, angling yourself to look out of the open window.

Sy looked over at you closing yourself off from him, then smashed the gas to make sure that you'd squeal and grab his arm like the good ol’ days as he peeled out of the parking lot, pedal so heavy like you were the two most wanted criminals in town.

—---

Hit reblog if you like it!

Next part Here

[icallhimjoey]

Reinvent Love

♥ ♥          Joseph Quinn x Fem!Reader 

Summary: You and Joe are treading new waters. You’re no longer flatmates, but still close. More than friends, but nothing defined. Nothing labeled. Determined to not lose what you have, though. But, can you?

CW / disclaimer: rpf, fem!reader, language, adult themes, jealousy, accusations, soft fluff, season 3 of my flatmate!joe

Author’s note: the first cracks; they're here - and, again, you don’t need to have read define close or explain us, but it’ll obviously give you backstory, which might help!

Wordcount: 3.6K

part one - part two - part three - part four - part five

It was silly. Joe was being silly.

He knew it, and felt so stupid for it. Like, in hindsight, the worrying felt so dumb. The constant milling shit over didn’t change anything, there was no real point to it. Although, maybe you being on his mind in this... new manner was what summoned you last night.

You just showed up, talking about a crazy day, no sad pouts, no needy touches. Just jittery movements and a lot to tell him.

Joe kind of sat back on his sofa, spread out and leaning into his left elbow and watched you pace around his lounge. Something about something a colleague had said that then turned out to be lies and you found out something by overhearing a phone call you weren’t meant to overhear – Joe was barely following along. Didn’t really try his best to, if he was honest.

He was moreso paying attention to what you were actually doing – were you even aware that you had started grabbing random things he had left lying around on his coffee table, on the kitchen island, on the counters, and one by one, put everything away where it was meant to go?  

Joe pursed a smile as he realised you knew exactly where everything went. Why did that make his chest ache in the best of ways?

This new casual form of intimacy seemed so small, but Joe felt how it smothered that little grain of doubt that resided in his chest. That little grain that had convinced him that you were probably going to fall into a new routine with your new flatmate after he moved in and, then you would probably grow close to him and Joe knew how you... no.

No.

He couldn’t think that.

It wasn’t fair on you. He caught himself trying to finish the thought a lot, but he knew it wasn’t fair. Wasn’t true. He didn’t even fully believe it. It was this thing. Still, he also couldn’t help how it simultaneously made him grow a little more possessive and made him want to prepare for the worst.

But, she was here, he had to remind himself.

She’s here.

And she was wandering around his space, letting her train of thought flow freely from her brain into his living room and he used to witness this all the time when you lived together still. Joe realised he’d actually missed it a lot, and wasn’t that the whole point? That he got to miss you now?

God, Joe missed you a lot and you were right there and he could just burst at the seams at how fucking lucky he felt.

He was a just normal guy in a normal flat with a normal relationship– well, normalish relationship, anyway. Not that you had talked about anything yet. Of course you hadn’t. But it was pretty fucking obvious what this was. So he had started shrugging whenever someone would ask if you were actually together, which felt a lot better than the forever, “No, we’re flatmates, what are you talking about?” he used to throw at people, practically gaslighting them out of whatever they thought they’d witnessed between him and the girl that he used to live with.

It was working. The plan he had made, this vague idea of normalcy; it was working out the way he had wanted it to.

And yea, sure, you were getting a new flatmate and Joe had a difficult time not feeling some type of way about that, but, he had made the decision to move out and, look at you now.

“Do you think I can get a raise out of this? Or at least get a weird bonus, mid-term?”

Joe had a hard time not laughing at your question as he saw you had already mentally moved onto something else. You were stood in the middle of the room, both hands on your hips, eyes scanning the room. Everything tidy and organised.

“Joe, when did you last clean?”

Joe followed your gaze up into one of the corners of the ceiling.

“I cleaned today.” Joe said, knowing you’d likely not take it as an honest answer. You had lived together, remember? No fucking way was Joe ever going to feel the urge to maybe sometimes swipe a feather duster across the upper corners of his living room.

You shuddered at the thought of what resided behind his curtains there.

You sighed and tutted and turned back to Joe’s kitchen like you were going to start cleaning his fucking ceilings at half past ten at night.

“Hey, no. No, no. Stop. Will you come sit down a second? My god.” Joe huffed, feigning annoyance. When you turned on your heel and giggled as you scurried over, Joe let a laugh escape his throat just before you let yourself fall into the cushions next to him.

He hooked an arm around your neck to pull you in so he could press his nose into your cheek a second. You gladly let him, and when he held you close like that for longer than you initially thought he would, you suddenly realised you’d just been talking about yourself for twenty minutes straight.

Just barged in with unimportant thoughts on your mind that you just verbally vomited right into Joe’s space. You knew it was mostly nervous energy that was only there because your new flatmate picked up his keys earlier, which now meant there was every opportunity for someone to just... walk into your flat at any given time. That had unexpectedly brought on way more anxiety than you previously thought it would do.

Hence why you decided to just... escape it, and went over to Joe’s to spend the night there.

Joe was pressing his nose into your cheek and held you in place for a bit before he moved his head down, hiding into your neck a second.

“You okay?” you asked softly, head tilting down a bit.

“Mm, yea, fine.” Joe inhaled deeply, before pressing a few small kisses to the crook there and moving back to look at you the in eye. He unhooked his elbow from around your neck and placed two cupped hands on either side of your face, swiping bits of hair back in the process.

Joe was leant all the way back into the sofa, head squished in between two of the back cushions and you took a moment to look at each other. Joe studied your face and rubbed his thumbs across the apples of your cheeks until you grew shy.

“You look tired,” you softly said before Joe sat up a little and leant closer. It had you close your eyes just before scrunching up your nose as he kissed the very tip of it.

“I am tired.” He mused, copying your nose scrunch when you blinked your eyes open again, and Joe looked so soft. Sort of pleased with life, happy to be where he was and like he’d just had a really good productive day. He blinked slowly, eyes only half open, and looked sleepy enough to slip right into dreams the second his head would hit his pillow.

You loved him like this. His hands on you, all soft touches. Comfy and cosy and calm. Just you and him. No one else. No threat of someone randomly walking in.

This was perfect.

“Mmm, me too.” You smiled and let Joe grab one of your elbows to pull an arm across his stomach as he sat back again.

“I’m not surprised. You’ve just done a 5K as you tidied this room, I think.”

You huffed a laugh as you sank into Joe’s side, and then you sat like that in silence for a moment. No TV on. No phones in sight for some easy distraction. Just you and Joe and the view of his living room.

“Are you okay?” Joe suddenly asked, emphasis on the you, and you tried hiding the small, hitched intake of breath by quickly nodding and casually going, “Yea. Fine.”

You could feel how Joe tucked in his chin to look at you.

He waited. Wasn’t going to tell you, “No, be honest...”, but also wasn’t going to accept it and move on. It was still like that. He knew you were lying, and you knew he knew, no words shared at all.

So you sighed and took a second, and then said, “Josh picked up his key today.”

And you didn’t want to explain what that meant.

Didn’t want to tell Joe that, for a while, this existing-in-two-flats thing had just felt like a bit of a joke. Just the two of you playing and being silly about whatever you really were. You still sort of thought of him as a flatmate because he still came over all the time, and you went over to his all the time too. You existed in the same space almost just as much as before, sort of.

But now a new flatmate was actually moving in, and suddenly, it felt like reality had slapped you right across the cheek like it had done that day that Joe moved out.

You’d gotten to hide away for a lot of that.

And there was no real hiding this time around.

You couldn’t go home and pretend Joe was going to move back in eventually, because now Josh’s things were going to be all over the flat. Which was fine. Josh signed a lease. His things were allowed to be all over the place.

It was just... things were getting real now.

Shit was real.

“Which reminds me,” you suddenly piped up, pushing uncomfortable thoughts down, tucking those away for another time and place. “This is going to save you some money!”

You saw how Joe’s mouth slowly stretched into a smile as he watched how his own feet rubbed against yours. Then he caught himself and quickly furrowed his brow, saying, “No, I don’t think it works like that.”

You copied his expression, but were more confused than anything else.

“Of course it does. Josh signed the papers, he’s going to start paying rent now, you–”

“I said that I had taken care of things, didn’t I?” Joe interrupted you, fingers playing with the folds in your sleeve of the arm that rested over his stomach. “Can’t just not keep a promise like that.”

You blinked at him a second, then moved to sit up to stare at him harder. If both Joe and Josh paid rent, that basically meant that you... got to live for free for a while? That math wasn’t mathing. One plus one wasn’t equalling two here. You looked around Joe’s flat and tried to think of his own expenses, and... what the fuck was he doing?!

“Joe,”

“You’re not going to be able to talk me out of this.”

“Joe.”

Joe ignored you and faked a yawn, sped it up along with stretched out arms above his head and quickly said, “So tired. Bed?” before getting up and leaving you on his sofa as he left the room.

“You’re insane if you think I’m just going to accept that!” you called after him and heard him laugh from down the hall.

“Did you not just say you were after a weird mid-term bonus?”

And you hated how that made you smile. Made you punch one of the cushions and sink your teeth into your bottom lip begrudgingly as you forgot to breathe a second.

Joe smiled to himself too as he turned on the lights in his bathroom. It felt like he was winning a contest - there was no contest, no one to fight, not really, but, he was definitely winning.

“You coming?”

Breathe.

Calm down.

You could pretend to fight him on this once more in the morning.

Crawling into bed with Joe had its own little routine which was different from the one at yours. Different order of things, because the lay out of the flat was different.

Bathroom first. You brushed teeth together, always had to stop Joe when he washed his face too aggressively and then used your own moisturiser on him. “Just for your dry patches,” you’d always say, but would end up swiping delicate fingertips all over anyway. There’d be a snarky comment, of you using too much, of him feeling too greasy, of how he was going to stick to his pillow all night now, and then you’d always kiss him to shut him up before moving on to do your own skincare routine.

When you’d get into bed, Joe would already be in there, giving his phone a last once-over before he’d scoot down and get comfortable.

This time, however, when you walked into his bedroom, the lights were already off, and it looked like Joe was already falling asleep.

This soft man.

So sleepy.

He was all messy curls and bare arms, duvet tucked under them, curled up right in the middle of his bed. You slid in and cuddled up right behind him, hips against his bum, chest to his back.

You were right.

Joe was already falling asleep.

You pushed a leg in between his for warmth and snuck an arm around his front.

“You’re crazy,” you whispered into the skin of his shoulder which prompted Joe to grab hold of your hand and pull it into his chest so you were hugging him properly. The big spoon to his small one. Then he just hummed as you pressed a small kiss to his warm skin there.

“So crazy.” you nuzzled into his pillow, your nose rubbing his back as you did, and you felt how he ducked his head down to press a small kiss to your fingers.

You fell asleep warm, comfortable, and smiling.

You woke up in the same way.

Just on your stomach now, and with Joe’s heavy limbs slung over your body. When you turned over, it woke Joe up, and for five blissful early morning minutes, you tried crawling into each other’s skin as best you could. Breathed each other’s breath and tasted each other’s skin. Stroked hands underneath clothes and had fingers crawling into underwear, just to touch and to hold.

When you quietly asked if Joe wanted coffee, he groaned and told you to shut up. He was able to feel you giggle to that, and he could cry with how happy he felt in that moment. Why would you have to go and ruin it by getting up to go and make coffee?

“Five more minutes.”

“Mmm... it’s never just five.”

Joe sighed, “Just five.” speech slurring with early morning drowsiness and then burrowed himself into you even more.

And fine.

Joe could have five more minutes.

But then they easily turned into twenty, because they always did, and you had to eventually bribe Joe with breakfast for him to let you go so you could sit up.

“If you take a slow shower, I’ll have it ready when you finish.” You looked over your shoulder where Joe, still with his eyes closed, smiled widely. His nose was slightly red from pressing it into your skin, and his bedhead made you have to suppress a giggle that you hid by leaning down to press a kiss to his forehead before you got out.

Joe barely even felt that little grain of bad in his chest when he thought of how much he loved you.

Because he did.

Joe fucking loved you.

There was going to be a moment soon where he was just going to have to say it. It was going to spill out of him in some other way if he wouldn’t simply use the words, he just knew it.

Joe loved you as he watched through squinty eyes how you reached for a pair of white socks of his to borrow.

Loved you as he watched you pull one of his old sweaters over your head before you walked out, bare legs still on show.

Loved you when he stepped into his living room after his shower to the smell of burnt toast and scrambled eggs and coffee.

Loved you as he watched you step onto a chair in the corner of his room, wet dishcloth in hand to remove the strings of dust you had scolded him over the night before.

Loved you as he felt what the sight of your stretched body, your bare tighs, and the little peep of your bum did to him inside of his boxers.

Loved you as he groaned and let his head fall onto the counter, having to breathe through it, because you were just cleaning his living room, and not giving him a sensual striptease act or whatever.

Loved you as you looked back over your shoulder, raising your eyebrows in surprised confusion before accusingly asking, “Really, Joe? Cleaning?”

Loved you as he stutteringly defended the blood rush down south by saying, “You have no idea what you look like right now.” into his elbow where he had to hide his face for a second.

Loved you, loved you.

He was hardly able to deny any of it.

And he didn’t feel that he had to, either.

Because, you were there. In his flat. In his clothes. Cleaning his dusty ceiling corners. And wasn’t that just something he wanted to tell the whole fucking world about?

That small little green grain of doubt and worry and negativity dried out and got no sunshine to really grow into anything. Thank fuck.

He got to ignore it for a while.

Forgot about it entirely, and pretended it wasn’t even there for a bit.

It was easy.

Joe loved you.

He knew he did.

Would tell you soon.

Didn’t know how.

Or where.

But he was going to say it.

He was going to use his words because he was just a normal guy who loved a normal girl and you weren’t being weirdly secretive about what you got up to in private. At least, not how you used to be, anyway.

Joe loved you.

You brought Joe flowers and cleaned his ceiling and wore his clothes and cooked his breakfast.

Joe loved you, even though your new flatmate Josh turned out to be impossibly good-looking in addition to being incredibly kind as well, so Joe didn’t even get to have a real reason to dislike him at all, which seemed unfair, but, all right.

Joe loved you, even when suddenly two shiny black acoustic guitars appeared on your living room wall, because Josh worked in music, and wasn’t that just so cool?

Joe loved you, even though his very first thought after that was, well I know how to play guitar too, don’t I?! which you had never even mentioned before.

Joe loved you, even when he walked into your flat one evening and interrupted a dinner you were having with Josh and one of your friends and, look, Josh cooked for us, and for the first time ever, he felt uninvited and intruding.

Joe loved you, even when your friend jokingly said, “You’re over here at lot for someone that moved out.” right to his face, to which you then heartily laughed, because she was only joking, Joe, and then you didn’t say anything about how you were together, but, you were together... weren’t you?

Joe loved you, even when he stuck to the bit and handed you his flat key like he always did, expecting to find it in his coat pocket later, but then ended up finding both his pockets empty when he went home the next morning, which, yea actually, that made sense, because Josh lived there now, and it was a little weird to have a key still, wasn’t it?

Joe loved you, even when you had told him to come over on Friday evening because you’d had a shit day at work, and for the first time ever, he had to ring the doorbell to get inside.

Joe loved you, even when Josh was the one that answered the door, and Josh almost didn’t let him in, telling him, “Oh, she’s fallen asleep on the sofa, mate.” to which Joe just smiled as he stepped around him, because what the fuck did Josh even know about falling asleep on the sofa in this flat?

Joe loved you, even when he found you asleep on the sofa, curled up under a blanket he’d never seen before, with an empty pizza box bar some crusts still on the coffee table, and you never ate a whole pizza yourself, so that was obviously shared with someone else.

Joe loved you.

He knew he did.

But there was a playstation besides the TV now, and a cool record player on the side, pile of vinyl next to it, and, God.

Joe fucking hated this.

Whatever was inside of Joe’s chest, that thing he didn’t even want in there, was growing.

Was getting fed without Joe even fully realising he was feeding it.

He hated those guitars. He hated that he no longer had a key. He hated that stupid blanket. And he hated that empty pizza box.

Still, he sat down beside you and placed your socked feet onto his lap. Watched the last scenes of whatever film you’d put on as he slowly kneaded a foot and let you sleep, and he tried his best to not get bitten. To not let it sink its teeth in. To not let it hurt.

It was silly.

Joe was being silly.

Rational thought saved him.

Rational thought told him he still loved you.

And he hoped rational thought was going to be enough.

---

The Taglisted

@ali-in-w0nderland, @alwayslindie, @babybluebex, @capricornrisingsstuff, @chaoticgood-munson,

@choke-me-eddie, @demonsanddemogorgons, @did-it-work, @dirtyeddietini, @djoseph-quinn,

@dolcevit4, @eddies-puppet, @emma-munson, @emotionaldreamer, @everythinghasafacee,

@figmentofquinn, @ghost-proofbaby, @ghostinthebackofyourhead, @hanahkatexo, @harringtonfan4,

@hazelenys, @jewellethief, @joesquinns, @keikoraven, @kennedy-brooke,

@lovelyblueness, @manda-panda-monium, @mandyjo8719, @mexicanfolklore, @munsonluvrr,

@munson-mjstan, @nadixq, @nglharry, @notverywise, @pepperstories,

@phyllosilicate-s, @royale1803, @sherrylyn628, @sidthedollface2, @solzi1420,

@songforeddiemunson, @sweetberry47, @take-everything-you-can, @thebellenouvelle, @tlclick73,

@werepartnersnow, @winterwakesthewolf, @witchwolflea, @yelyahcardella, @yunirgo

taglist currently full, sorry

[flyingcatstiel]

SuperbatWeek 2024 fic recs

Day 7: FREE DAY!!! Superbat? | Superbat! | Superbat

a song came after by susiecarter [T, 4,500 word count]

It requires every ounce of will he can bring to bear to force himself to meet Clark's eyes. Clark looks shocked; the expression is undiluted by anger or dismay, though perhaps he simply hasn't had time to grasp what just happened. His eyes are wide, round, impossibly blue. Color is rising into his cheeks. His mouth is half-open, slack, with the slightest damp shine where— "That was," Bruce makes himself say, and then stops. Christ, what word can he use? What adjective is there that acknowledges his trespass fully? "Inappropriate." Inadequate, but it's the best he can do, and Clark needs to hear something, needs to know Bruce recognizes his own mistake for what it is. "I apologize. I—"

Comment - This fic starts where usually fics with a similar trope end. Bruce is out of the dream world where he lived happily with his husband Clark. For thirty years. Now he's to deal with the cold reality where Clark is not his beloved. Muscle memory is his biggest enemy.

Conflated by PamiGami [T, 31,900 word count]

“Are you sure you’re feeling quite all right, sir? I was but fairly sure the head hadn't been impacted.” “No… no, please. Listen. I’m in his body, but I’m not him. I can prove it.” Ill at ease, Clark rubbed at the back of his head, not stopping to think about the weird sensation of feeling not his own curls, but somebody else’s hair. The man continued to stare at him with piercing and scolding eyes. “I believe you.” He nodded. “Mister Wayne doesn’t say please this early in the morning.”

Comment - Somehow, Batman and Superman have switched their bodies, their apartments and their day jobs. Clark and Bruce are left to figure out what to do and why they're sharing a body with some random civilian. Identity shenanigans, full throttle.

Just a Formality by FabulaRasa [E, 4,600 word count]

Bruce and Clark get married, for reasons. And then they fall in love. Nope, it's not Victorian time travel! I am straight up about this.

Comment - Clark didn't know that some things on this earth could be as painful as kryptonite. Things like fake marriage.

Saudade by liodain [T, 20,400 word count]

It's midsummer, 2006. In the wake of his son's death, Bruce Wayne tries to outrun his grief on a cross-country road trip. When his car breaks down on a dusty road in the heart of Kansas, a friendly stranger stops to lend a hand.

Comment - A soft, melancholy start to a beautiful long distance friendship between a grieving father and a Kansas youth with a heart of gold. Also known as a fic where Bruce and Clark meet before the events of Man of Steel and it changes everything.

ship-to-ship combat by pomeloquat [M, 76,800 word count]

"Clark. What the hell is this," Lois asks, staring at Clark's Bruceman WIP folder. Clark's first instinct is to fly away, but that would still leave his fic on display for her to see. His second instinct is to blast a hole straight through his laptop screen with his heat vision, which isn't much better. Clark, in an attempt to make some spare cash, unintentionally stumbles into the world of superhero fanfiction, becomes a prolific writer for Gotham's OTP, and tries his best to fend off rival fans who want him to convert to superbat instead.

Comment - Triple identity shenanigans and a love letter to fandom and shippers. This fic has everything - heartbreak, heartache, unrequited feelings in double doses, self sacrifices and near misses, ship wars and RPF. And on top of that, it's the funniest fic I've read across many fandoms, hands down.

tell all the truth (but tell it slant) by susiecarter [M, 33,000 word count]

It takes a while for Batman and Superman to work things out, once Clark comes back from the dead. Pretending to date each other in order to explain why Bruce Wayne and Clark Kent are in the same place so often? Doesn't help as much as you might think.

Comment - When Batman himself is organizing and micromanaging a fake dating narrative to keep their superhero identities secret, what could go wrong? Apparently, everything. It's the worst time of Clark's life, it's the best time. It's a love story.

And last but not least, some spicy superbat fic recs!

Caught In His Gaze by DontStopHerNow [E, 1,500 word count]

This was supposed to be a stakeout to be sure Clark Kent had not lost his mind due to Kryptonite poisoning. Batman gets more of an eyeful than he expected when Clark does what people do alone in their apartments, though. He cannot look away.

What's In A Name? by frozenpotions [E, 15,000 word count]

Clark accidentally walks— or rather, flies in on Bruce enjoying a private moment. He'd probably have an easier time moving past it all if Bruce hadn't been saying Clark's name.

take a pic, strike a pose by shipyrds [E, 5,600 word count]

It’s probably a good thing Clark’s in private, because when he does check his notifications he almost cracks his phone in half. Bruce has sent him a picture. He’s in the suit, in the Batcave, and there’s probably other things happening in the picture, but Clark can’t really see any of those, because Bruce is– posing? Or maybe the camera just caught him like that; maybe he just happened to be catching his cape one-handed, setting off the sinuous curve of his bicep, the Bat logo straining across his chest. -- Bruce sends Clark a pic. Unfortunately, it goes out to some other people too.

My other superbat fic recs are here.

Happy reading!

[ray935sworld]

"You know... For someone that is very insisting about people not judging your brother based on you, you are really judging me based on my brother."

May I just say it here? Please don't throw stones at me. That's a great quote. And since we're all a bit delusional at rpf (I think that our great leader of VR46 cult would be very proud of us for that), let me fantasize about it a little bit. I always thought it was interesting to show how Marc might also be a little hostile towards Luca, since he's, well, Vale's brother and can hurt him as well. But then they obviously get closer, probably even have a serious conversation (similar to their interaction in your wonderful child of divorce au) and Marc renounced his prejudice, probably not even realizing that he experienced it, until Luca points on it (Marc, I think, terribly upset when he realizes this).

Despite this, to be honest, sometimes when I see how big Marc's heart is, I think maybe he never had real hatred for Luca, probably because their relationship has always been different. Maybe they've always really understood each other's position in this crazy story and what role each of them got in this show (I don't think they both agree with this state of affairs).

In any case, it's so nice when their relationship is shown to be supportive and respectful, even compassionate. I love them for that. And well, Luca helps Vale see things, THANKS A LOT TO HIM FOR THAT. Without him, we would have died in madness many years ago.

I hope I didn't scare you with this sudden and huge ask, I don't know where it came from (maybe madness hehe?).

EVERYONE PLEASE LOOK AT THIS!!!!

THIS IS WHAT I AM TALKING ABOUT! THANK YOU VERY MUCH!!!

Honestly I can really see MArc getting extremly careful in terms of who he lets in. Like last person he trusted was the reason people attacked his parents. His brother. Yeah that man definitly got some trust issues from that. So he is very careful.

And I mean of course you wouldnt excactly welcome the brother of someone that talked THAT amount of crap. Seriously. Cause of course you think the brother is the first person standing at his side. Especially when we consider the close relationship between Alex and Marc. Marc who would stand by everything ALex does and say probably cant even imagine to turn on his brother and not agree and support whatever bs he is doing.

Maybe not even in a prejudice concious way but more in a subtle careful way which is why he needs a wake up call thats like "You dont trust Luca but he has literally never done anything or turn on you" which would made him stop and realize he had done the same to Luca (in a way) than so many had done to Alex. And I dont mean it in a mean way, like you said, Marc has a big heart so I think of it more as a natural safety think that his mind developed. Like "Everything Rossi related = bad = danger" and Luca got unjustified caught up in it.

And dont worry about it. I really enjoyed reading it and getting to think some more about it. I LOVE analysing character and behavior so that was fun! Sorry, took me a while to answer, brain wasnt really wroking at the time :)

[valyrfia]

RE: This ask on fanfic, fandom, and lestappen

(preface with, I love fanfic and fandom, and I've written for very big and small)

I have never experienced such bad fandom etiquette as I have with 1633. I wrote one multi chapter fic for the ship and 99% of ao3 comments I got were people asking when I'd publish the next chapter, which has always been a big no no in fandom. I deleted the fic because it felt bad that people didn't want to engage with what I had written, but, just ask about my update schedule. Also, people changing the date of their published fic to be more recent, so, it appears at the top of the 'recently updated page'! I have never seen this in any fandom before now! AO3 isn't Instagram! If you tag correctly, people will find your fic if they want to read it.

People are pushing 1633 constantly in very public spaces like Twitter, Insta and TikToK, where we know these drivers have accounts and look at comments/posts about them or on their own posts. Just today on Twitter I see Dan Howell (which what a fucking weird intersection of my past and current interests) being asked at a public panel about lestappen, just because he's mentioned liking F1 in the past. I know it gets easy clicks and engagement because it is popular. But, it's so far removed from behaviour that was ever considered acceptable in fandom.

I remember, back in 2013/14 there was a huge backlash to people bringing up fictional ships to actors/writers. There was discourse after every Supernatural or Teen Wolf fan forum/con panel when someone would inevitably ask about Destiel or Sterek. People would argue whether fanon and ships were appropriate to ask the real people behind the show about.

RPF is fine, I have written, currently write and will continue to engage in RPF spaces. But, there are boundaries that you must keep if you are going to engage with it. Tumblr and AO3 have always been considered locked fandom spaces. If a person goes onto these sites and searches themselves out, that's on them. But, it's implied in fandom that you keep to just these spaces or private chats

(personally, I'm sad I just missed out on the livejournal days... I got into fandom when everything was being moved over from there and fanfic.net onto ao3)

I understand younger social media users are used to an algorithm finding content for them. And on sites like Tumblr where the algorithm sucks or ao3, which doesn't have one. You have to search out the content you want yourself. Liking and kudos isn't enough, you actually have to engage in meaningly conversations and comments if you want to make friends. That can be scary! But, it's a soft skill that is slowly getting lost and with it fandom etiquette is going down the drain.

This is like...one of the last big serious ask I want to reply to on this topic because not everyone agrees with me (which, fine), but OP you put a lot of time into typing this up so I will honour that.

I think fandom, much like a lot of other things nowadays, have become less about fun and more about hitting a certain number of likes and interactions. That's why people push Lestappen on other social media even though most of us have explicitly said "can you not, thanks". The changing the date of the fic to push to an 'algorithm' infuriates me and is a personal pet peeve of mine. There's one that's doing that now on the Lestappen tag and I've point-blanked refused to read it literally BECAUSE of the date changing. People will read your fic if they want to, constantly pushing it to the top of the 'Date Updated' list does nothing except piss people off.

I will say I think the fictional ship discourse of 2014 was maybe driven in part by the fact that being gay was still seen as something much more 'novel' than even now. If we think about when marriage became legal in the US and all that...I still think though that it shows a level of self-awareness and self-regulation that we've lost in fandom. As my partner and I often to lament to each other, we've become so individualistic that people have lost the concept of shame. It's an idea that YOU are the exception and something should cater to YOU, instead of the other way round. In the case of fandom, this comes out as people acknowledging fandom etiquette in an abstract way, but still logging into their twitter account (WITH THEIR FACES ATTACHED! WHICH! THIS IS A TANGENT BUT IT BAFFLES ME! WHAT HAPPENED TO DIGITAL FOOTPRINT!) and posting about RPF. Fandom is not an abstract entity, fandom IS the people that interact with it–from authors to artists all the way to those who consume the content.

Also, I also JUST missed out on the lj days–the great migration was happening just when I was getting involved in fandom and I can't help but feel like I missed out on something special.

[storiesforallfandoms]

our next step ~ swaggersouls

word count: 1611

request?: yes!

“hey hey!! i adore your work and was wondering if you could do a swaggerwouls x fem!reader? maybe something along the lines of the reader also being a youtuber and them having a baby together and announcing it to their fans?🥺i’ve been having major baby fever lately lol. super sorry if this goes against any of your rules and it’s totally cool if you’re not comfortable writing it! :)”

description: in which they decide to tell their fans the major update in their lives

pairing: swaggersouls x female!reader

warnings: swearing, two uses of y/n, rpf

masterlist (one, two, three)

Being content creators with a very small social media presence outside of YouTube and Twitch made it incredibly easy to hide my pregnancy.

It’s not that we didn’t want to tell our fans. The majority of mine and Swagger’s relationship was online for everyone to see since we vlogged and gamed with each other regularly. If anything, it made more sense to tell everyone when I found out I was pregnant. And I had actually filmed most of my pregnancy to make one big vlog once the baby came.

But, like I said, the majority of our relationship was online. Not only that, but most of my life since I was in my late teens was online for the world to see. We decided that we wanted something for just ourselves, even just for a little while.

Neither of us posted on social media enough for it to be suspicious if we were suddenly MIA for months, and my face cam when I was streaming was always positioned in a way that showed me from my shoulders up, so my bump wasn’t on camera. The only thing my fans would notice was some weight gain in my face, which was easy to just say was because I had gained weight in general.

The other Misfits knew, of course. We told them shortly after we found out. Tobi was ecstatic that her son was going to have a Misfits friend. The guys were all happy for us, too, but Cam teased Swagger about being the last person in the group any of them expected to become a father.

“So, you’re giving up weed then?” Cam asked after we told him.

“Fuck no! I’ll go smoke outside instead.”

After nine long months, plus roughly six hours of labor, our baby girl came into the world and our family was complete.

She had Swagger wrapped around her tiny fingers from the second he laid his eyes on her. He loved her almost more than he loved our cats, which is definitely saying something. But, I did say almost.

A month or so after our daughter, Daisy, was born, Swagger and I were laid in bed together. I was reading while Swagger was watching stuff on his phone with little Daisy asleep on his chest. I kept glancing over at them and smiling at the sight. I couldn’t help it, seeing Swagger as a dad just made me happy. Especially seeing him with the little human that we made. It was hard to explain the level of joy I felt.

“Take a picture, it lasts longer,” Swagger said, giving me a playful smile.

I hadn’t even realized I was staring until that moment. I shook myself out of my thoughts and retorted, “That’s not as insulting as you think it is. If I could reach my phone, I’d take so many pictures of you right now.”

“Oh, I am well aware.” He reached out to hold my hand while trying to move very little as to not wake Daisy. “What had you thinking so hard anyways?”

I looked at Daisy again, another smile involuntarily tugging at the corners of my mouth. I just couldn’t help it.

Instead of telling him what I had actually been thinking about, I found myself saying, “Should we tell our viewers about Daisy soon?”

“We did say we’d announce it after she was born,” he said. “And they’ve definitely noticed that you haven’t vlogged in months.”

“Do you think it’s time?”

Swagger looked at Daisy and asked, “What do you think, Daisy? Should we tell the world you exist?” The baby let out a heavy sigh, but otherwise didn’t move or wake up. “I think that was a yes.”

~~~~~~

The next day, I broke out the old vlog camera that I hadn’t used since before I developed my baby bump. Surprisingly, the battery hadn’t died even from lack of use.

“This feels foreign,” I said as I turned the camera on. “I haven’t vlogged in ages. I wonder if I’ll even remember how to do it.”

“You’re just setting it up to sit in front of it,” Swagger teased.

“Hey, that’s hard to do when you haven’t worked a camera in, like, a year.” I set the camera up on the tripod and turned to him. “Sit your ass down, knight boy.”

“That was a terrible insult.”

Swagger sat down on the couch, wearing his ski mask and holding Daisy in his arms. He had her positioned in a way that her face was hidden from the camera. We both agreed that we would not be showing her face on camera while she was a kid, but we also thought it would be hilarious to start the video with Swagger just holding our baby that no one knew even existed.

“She’s going to be terrified if she wakes up and sees the mask,” I said as I sat next to him.

“She’ll have to get used to it eventually,” he said. “Maybe I’ll just walk around the house with it on.”

“Do not do that. I know you would use that as an excuse to just scare me.”

He gave me a look, and I could tell from his eyes that he was smirking under his mask.

“Anyways,” I said, turning away from him. “Hello. I know you guys are all wondering, what is this thing.” I gestured to Daisy.

“Thing,” Swagger snickered.

“This is our baby,” I said, ignoring him. “It is the bun I baked for nine months, and now here she is. And I know you’re also all wondering, (Y/N) and Swagger, when did you guys have a baby?”

“About a month ago,” Swagger responded. “And technically, (Y/N) had the baby. I just put the baby in her.”

“Yeah, thanks for that.” To the camera, I said, “We know you guys have so many questions. The short story is, we weren’t trying for a baby. It was definitely a shock to us both, but it was a good shock. Announcing my pregnancy wasn’t the first thing we thought of. Actually, it took, like, a week for us to realize we hadn’t said anything online about it, and at that point we kind of came to the conclusion that we wanted the pregnancy to be an us thing instead of a shared internet thing.”

“We were being very selfish,” Swagger said.

“But we’re not sorry,” I added.

“Oh, not at all. We love you guys, but sometimes we do need some privacy, and this was definitely one of those times.” He glanced down at Daisy, his eyes lighting up just looking at her. I decided against teasing him in that moment because it was just too cute. He continued, “And I’m going to answer the important question, which is no, not even becoming a father will stop me from smoking weed.”

I playfully rolled my eyes.

“Everyone was thinking it!” Swagger argued. “Obviously I’m not smoking 24/7, or around the baby, but I’m not giving it up all together. I’m not becoming a square just because I have a kid.”

“Should we tell everyone her name, or are we just going to keep calling her ‘the baby’?”

“I don’t see a problem with telling everyone her name.”

“Her name is Daisy.”

As if hearing her name, Daisy made a soft cooing noise and opened her eyes. Swagger moved her so she would look at me first. We were joking for the video before, but we were actually a little nervous about her reaction to seeing Swagger in his ski mask for the first time. It was something we’d have to ease her into when she was much older.

“Hey baby,” I said, taking her from Swagger. “Woke up to be in your first ever video, huh? You’re ready to be a star.”

She looked up at me with her big, brown eyes. Ever since she was born, everyone said she looked exactly like me, but not her eyes. She definitely had Swagger’s eyes.

“That’s it, I guess,” I said. “We’re going to take some time to take care of this one and get used to having a baby, then we’ll be back to regular streams and uploads eventually. Uh...yeah. Bye, I guess?” I looked over to Swagger. “Can you turn the camera off? I’m holding Daisy.”

He got up and did as I asked. Once the camera was off, he pulled off the ski mask and tossed it off to the side. “That went well.”

“I’m weirdly nervous about it,” I admitted. “My heart is pounding. Daisy can definitely feel it.”

“You don’t have to be nervous. I don’t think anyone is going to react poorly to us announcing we’re parents now.”

“I’d doubt it, but weirdly I still am.”

Swagger sat down next to me and put an arm around my shoulder. I leaned into him, stretching my legs out and resting Daisy on them so she could look at the both of us. She was very interested in her surroundings. According to my mom, babies can only see so far when they’re first born, and their vision increases as time goes on. I’m not sure if that’s completely true, but it was adorable to think that she was just now seeing everything for the first time.

“I can’t believe we made this,” I said. “We made a whole human being.”

“We can make another one, if you want.”

I shot him a look. “No way. My body does not need to go through that ever again. We can practice, though.”

“Deal.” He pulled me close and kissed the top of my head.

[allthishumanityforfree]

I'm the tangfastics at stage door lady (50 years old) and Paul Mescal is the first crush that I've had of this size on a celebrity since Cary Elwes in The Princess Bride. I've been examining it big time... Some of it is impulse control, diagnosed with ADHD and perimenopause and went through some trouble at work which evidently can lead to crushes as a way to deal with things. Happily married. But way way way way addicted and wasting way too much time on following him on social media. I was trying to cut down and found this account just googling his name because I had taken Instagram off of my phone. First saw him a year ago on Hulu and all of the strangers and thought he was Pedro Pascal for the first few minutes, then looked him up and started watching normal people which I had started before not realizing it and liked it more the second time. I think it might be just those two movies in a row that really created the attraction. I didn't even know what shipped meant until I got on Instagram just for paul. I totally had shipped him and Andrew quite some time so you properly identified me as a mescott but then I equally shipped him in Daisy just as hard. I have had some jealousy issues about Gracie, but he just wore another one of her sweatshirts last night at stage door. I do think the relationship is real. It will be interesting to see how his career grows and who end up being his long-term partner. I think his natural reaction to being given the Tangfastics was pure joy and he brought up vanya, so I don't think there's any awkward breakups I have a feeling they're just trying to keep their private lives private. Paul would hate all of these conversations we're having about his private life. But my self-control is seriously lacking these days! Curious how you became such a shipper and is it in jest or are you full on tinhat.

Hello. I hope you don't mind me posting this ask. Thank you for giving him those sweets, you certainly were a talk of the fandom and gave us all a little Mescott hope. I am so so relieved that he seemed happy and there was no awkwardness, although you have to admit that the lack of public appearances, even at professional events, is unusual. No reason Paul and Andrew can't attend opening events and promote each other's stuff.

Can you tell us what he said about vanya and more about meeting him?

I worrying am quite a tinhatter, I believe everything I write on here. I mean, I am not in peoples dms and like this in real life. This Tumblr is the only place I talk about Mescott, and I chose it because it's quiet and hidden. I would hate for people involved to read these thoughts, which is why I do not have a Twitter, TikTok or Instagram about Mescott. It's just here and the Discord, where I feel I can get feral, and no one will notice. Of course, I am aware that it's not totally hidden and people can still find me. (I am shocked I have this many followers).

But 80% of my thoughts when they drift are about Mescott. And yes, I do think they had a thing going on during the AOUS promo. I have always thought Paul was queer. I liked him as an actor since Aftersun, well actually I saw Carmen when it came out and thought he had huge potential as an actor. I just presumed he was queer, like a straight guy would not be engaged to Phoebe Bridgers.

How did I become a shipper? I watched Mescott on Graham Norton promoting AOUS and perceived. My TikTok fyp is generally celeb interviews and press tours, so I started seeing those purple cardigan/blue shirt interviews. I became low-key obsessed with were fucking. I perceive a lot about celebs hooking up (I could list a few I think have theories about) but thanks to some good gifmakers I really got into Mescott. For whatever reason, it itched my RPF brain. I just loved how happy and comfortable Paul was with Andrew compared to older interviews, I guess.

I also am not sold on P&G being real, but I am worried if I say some theories I could tempt fate.

[skitskatdacat63]

Do you have like vettonson canon events that you would love writers to adapt more in fic? Tbf vettonso on its own is considered rareship if we use ao3 fics amount as the source.

Well, first of all I think vettonso is a rarepair by any dstretch of the word, AND it's a difficult ship to write. It's not exactly that their moments are few and far between, but rather that I feel like it takes a lot of inference and deep knowledge to really interpret it, imo. I mean, I've literally been obsessing over this ship for over a year, and I still feel hesitant making big conclusions. It's really difficult to ever get a straight(ha.) answer about their motivations or what they're actually thinking about each other in a moment or even overall. However, that's why I included that Abu Dhabi '22 picture in my prev ask, because I feel like it's a really earnest, honest, clear moment and easy to interpret. I hope this doesn't sound too pretentious LMAO, like why am I saying all this academic shit about an rpf ship(because I care too deeply.)

To answer your question, I guess personally I prefer fics about broader concepts rather than specific moments. My favorite fic is this one, about them meeting the other's younger selves, and finally being able to come to the realization they aren't so different after all(a thesis I really love and deeply believe in.) This is an example of what I talking about in the beginning of this ask, as this fic is literally built upon soooo much discussion I had with the author about vettonso and this specific concept, which makes the fic so fufilling to me, because I can really feel(and know!) the amount of thought and knowledge put into it! For me personally though, I mainly like to explore broad concepts in different contexts(aka AUs), because I think their dynamic over all is fascinating.

But! For concepts I'd like to see! Here's a few, but not all of course! A fic I'd love to write or see would be about the development of their hugs over the years. I'm dying over the concept of having like a 5+1 or something, of Fernando constantly going from "is this amnt of contact too little?" to "TOO MUCH TOO MUCH!!!" every time he hugs Seb. There's so many cases of him initiating contact and then making it awkward and limp as fuck. I would love to see someone explore his mindset, like seriously, Fernando, what even is this!?!? "Five times Fernando hugged Seb and it was awkward, and one time it wasn't." Also kinda dying at the idea of Seb remincising that Fernando was always the one to initiate hugs, but then looking back at all the pics like, "why did he make me look so clingy???"

I'd also love any fics about them confronting each other about things said in interviews, since I'm always wondering what exactly their intentions are and how the other would perceive it. Particularly, the way Seb was a brat in the media after 2010 and complained Fernando hadn't congratulated him, and Fernando later on was like, I've congratulated him repeatedly, okay??? I would love the behind the scenes of things like that. Fernando showing up at Seb's house like, "oh my god, how much praise do you need to be satisified??" Also imagine Seb calling up Fernando after Fernando said Seb couldn't achieve the same things if he was driving the amr23, just dryly being like, "Oh so you think I couldn't?"(Fernando is actually just trying to bait him into coming back to F1) I just feel like so much of out perception comes from what's said in interviews, but it doesn't always feel very honest haha and I read into everything way too much. Fernando in anic calling up Seb after he sees the interview where Seb said they never got close, being like "it's never too late to start..."

[antimony-medusa]

Hi! To preface: I don't think there's any one right or wrong answer to my question necessarily, but I value your opinion as a level-headed adult in this fandom who can probably provide sensible input on the issue I'm having, so I thought I'd ask.

If a CC asks for their character not to be drawn (specifically referring to fanart, which they likely saw on Twitter) in a sexualised way, what does that mean for written fanwork content? Is it "wrong" (putting this in quotation marks since that's a loaded word, to say the least) to write nsfw content about said character and post it on Ao3, considering the differences in visibility/CC knowledge of those platforms, as well as the general consensus/expectation that CCs don't generally read fanfic anyway? Where is the line between "you should respect the CC's wishes" (avoiding the word "boundaries" since that's also very loaded in mcyt spaces) and "you can do whatever you want forever; fanworks are created by and for fans, not for the creators" drawn? Does "just don't put it where they can see unless they go looking" (i.e. correctly tagged on Ao3, not on a CC-frequented site like Twitter) apply? Would it be better not to do it at all, or only create and share said content in private spaces like Discord? Or is this all a "there is no single 'morally correct' answer, make your own personal judgement" thing?

(Sorry for the long-winded question but this is genuinely something I'm struggling with right now, lol. As I said I value and respect your opinion and views about these kinds of things in fandom, so if you have anything to say on the matter I'd appreciate your input!)

Alright so, obligatory warning for discourse on this one right at the top, and possibly also long post. These tend to be me rambling.

This is a situation that I think it's fair that a lot of people disagree. Your personal comfort level with making NSFW content in general is not where my comfort level is, we can come to totally different equilibriums. And then you add in creators expressing that they don't like seeing NSFW content of their characters, and people end up in a whole lot of different places, whether that's a complete no on shipping or NSFW, or people feeling fine to consume it but not create it, or only if it's archive locked, or only specific ships or smps, or whatever. I think it's fine that we don't all agree on this, creation is a fickle beast and we are in a weird place as a fandom of being not rpf but kinda cousins, and we can get *really* close to the creators with twitch and twitter, so people's comfort level in meshing all the parasociality and roleplay and real life of it all can end up in a lot of different places.

I just think that the most important thing for the fandom being a healthy place to spend time on the internet is that we don't go aroud sending hate/abuse to those we disagree with. a) i don't agree with internet mobs or suicide baiting or anon hate in general, b) the number of times I have seen internet games of telephone happen when it comes to this subject is unreal. To use an example from literally today, I saw someone saying that Pac of qsmp pacmike was uncomfortable with shipping art and fic and we all should stop shipping immediately, and once I tracked it back to its source, it turns out that what had happened was the creator said that he wasn't a fan that all the art was of him in the jumpsuit that used to be his skin, he has a new skin now, which turned into sexy jumpsuit art was the problem, which turned into pac hates all sexy fan art, which turned into "pac is being bombarded with nsfw art and shipping and he hates it". Now he might actually also not like NSFW art, but that's not actually what he was adressing, but it was certainly what was being circulated! So like, people warning me off of certain subjects— how do I know that they're actually accurate or if twitter just went twitter on a passing mention of something someone said on a twitch stream?

So I think it's way way way healthier for us as a fandom to sometimes disagree on the subject of "what we're drawing/writing about" and when that happens we implement Don't Like; Don't Read, and we just ignore that, or block if necessary. Don't Want To See it? Simply Don't See It. It's a bad idea to start hate campaigns for sinners, and half the time it's based on bad information anyways.

But in cases that you do know that the creator doesn't want to see that, you found an accurate clip? So this is a case where I think that there's no single moral answer to this that everyone is gonna agree on. We're all coming at it from too many different cultural backgrounds and different streamers in mind and comfort levels with NSFW in general. I don't think there is a firm answer that is gonna make you morally safe. But my personal feelings is that in cases where we know the creators doesn't want to see that, I think the important part there is that the creator never sees that, not that we stamp it off the internet entirely.

I do think, personally, ymmv, that you are not necessarily doing anything morally wrong with drawing or writing NSFW of someone's character, even if they think it's weird. There's a long history of creators saying "you can't do [this] with my characters," and it happens to be you can't [make them gay] enough to make me uncomfortable in general principle with saying creator of the character gets to call the shots in all settings forever. This happened with Anne Rice and with the supernatural fandom and like— it's the internet, we get to make the characters be gay together. This is the making sex jokes about fictional characters website, and Ao3 is the making porn about fictional characters website. I think it's fine if it exists on the internet, the question comes down to one of what we're forcing the creator to see, or what we're putting where they'll stumble upon it. Like, examples from real life— if you have a friend who's vegan, it's polite to not spend time rhapsodizing about how good meat is around them, and if you know that meat makes them sick, it's polite to do a meatless meal around them. That's a human person you want to be okay around you. But that's their boundary for their life, not yours, so even when you're being polite you have no obligation to go vegan when they're not around. And they have a politeness obligation to not walk into a steakhouse and freak out because there's meat there. They have a boundary for their life, and I'm going to respect it, but my life is a different story, and they need to take reasonable steps to protect their boundaries and not just expect everyone else to conform to them.

Or walking by someone on the street and waiting till they're out of earshot and then going "jesus christ that guy was hot" to your friends— that's fine. That's normal human behaviour. What becomes rude is when you make it hot guy's problem and yell at him. Being attracted to someone in your own space is not a problem. I'm aroace, I am not going to be in a relationship with anyone. I'm not going to ban having crushes on me, as long as you don't make it my business. Talking about an attractive person in your own space is not a problem. Being sexual in your own space— and again we are talking about fictional characters, the way I see it, these are lies we're telling about folks that are not real, who live in little minecraft worlds— that's fine. The problem is if we start catcalling people about it.

When you walk into fandom spaces you are walking into a space where we all like taking fictional guys and telling stories about them and a good portion of those stories are going to include kissing. That is not necessarily baseline normal for like, all of humanity, but people talk about tv shows they watch as one of the classic work small talk techniques. Fandom takes the "I hope ted gets together with jessica" "no he needs to work on himself first" discussion and writes stories, is all, to share with each other. Privately. On our special private website where there's a button you can click to hide your work from search engines and another one to hide it from logged-out users. If you log into the website and search things up, no tags blocked, what you find is on you for saying "I will see literally anything that exists on this subject in a space meant for literally anything". You will find gore. You will find kissing. You literally just opted in to seeing it. That's on you.

So like, there's my little defense of nsfw work existing in general, I think it existing is not a problem. I do think that we should keep it FAR AWAY from streamers. They get to set the rules for their spaces, and if someone doesn't want to see sexualized fan art, I do think we should make sure that in a reasonable way, they never have to see sexualized fan art/fic.

So like me personally, I'm going to hit that Ao3 button to hide my work from search engines, and anything NSFW (or shippy, depending on the person) is not going to go into the main tags on tumblr or twitter or anywhere I'm aware that the creators ever check that tag, and I'd probably archive lock it if the creator had publically mentioned being uncomfortable with it, and if I was regularly posting NSFW I'd block the creators on social media with any account I discuss NSFW with. I want to make sure that I am talking to my friends about the cubitos, not catcalling someone.

And I would probably err on the side of caution when it comes to social media sites that creators are on? Okay so the fandom has a habit of saying that NSFW and Shipping is BAD and can't exist, on the one hand, but on the other hand it says that anything that isn't Bad Wrong Shipping/Explicit NSFW is fine, which leads to like— extremely sexy thirst trap art being drawn and then the creators are tagged. People putting family dynamic fics that really pushes that envelope in the main tag. Gahhhhhh????? No? Don't do that?

I think it would be healthier in the fandom if we did a lot more going "this is for the fandom, not the creator" and we don't tag creators on twitter, and we took our little kissing fics, or gore, or kidfic, or neurodiverse headcanons, or anything else it might be not for the creator to see, and we kept it in fandom spaces and away from creators. But Ao3 is that fandom space that you have to opt into, it's literally archive of our Own, for fans, in that space as long as you tag it you're good.

So the TL;DR of this all is that my opinion is that if you tag it correctly on Ao3 you're fine. Maybe archive lock it. Keep it off twitter. Don't make it the streamer's problem, and you're good.

[kevin-the-bruyne]

First Kanaphan Kissing Booth

Hello, hello! This fic is inspired by @khaopybara's absolutely brilliant gifset from the even more brilliant gmm's men kissing men gifset series which in turn is inspired by @ranchthoughts amazing kissing multiverse analysis. Overjoyed, by the findings that my slut trio took gold, silver AND bronze I have been floating on cloud nine ever since and then khaopybara included hoefirst threeway kiss in her set and my fate was sealed. Look away if you don't like RPF! You have your warning and I'm not responsible for you reading beyond this point.

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Title: the First Kanaphan kissing booth Rating: Teen and Up Pairing: FirstNamtan ; FirstBright; eventual FirstKhaotung endgame Status: Incomplete! But!! You can help! Do you ALSO have people you wished First kissed but hasn't? Please let me know such that I can include it!!!! Right now I'm planning to include Earth, Tay and perhaps Jennie (I really don't know which of the GMM ladies First is close to)

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When First gets roped into picking up a shift at the kissing booth for his faculty’s fundraiser, he hadn’t really thought that he would be the one kissing anyone.

For you see, there are several, in his opinion, way cuter-than-him cats there, sitting and dozing in little baskets meant to be the stars of the show.

But suddenly there’s a looming presence that’s blocking the sun from his line of sight and he looks up to be met with the most gorgeous woman he’s ever seen in his life. She’s not from his faculty but she’s a cheerleader, he’s seen those piercing eyes with perfect winged eyeliner many times before, often his friends talking about her pictures on socials.

“Hey,” She says and First can’t say that he’s completely unaffected by the confidence in her tone, like she’s someone who’s used to getting her way, “How much is it to kiss you?” First’s heart starts beating a little faster but after a few moments of staring at her in shock he has enough presence of mind to stutter out a little, “I’m not part of the menu.” He remembers her name mid sentence and there’s an awkward pause before he very respectfully adds, “P’Namtan”

She rolls her eyes but she’s speaking much gentler than she was before, “I know I can read. That’s why I asked you the price.”

First doesn’t really know why, but he does know that when beautiful women ask you to do something, you should do it. At least this is what his friend Neo keeps telling him and he’s never found a reason to question him. But it turns out he has many questions about this logic. 

None that matters to her though as Namtan starts tapping her finger against the table restlessly. It’s not helping First decide what to do but he doesn’t think she’s conscious of doing it either. He starts stuttering again and scratching his head as he starts reasoning out a price. Namtan stops him with long, delicate fingers on his chin, then slowly leans forward, with enough time for him to pull away, and kisses his cheek.

“So? How much do you think that was worth?”

First feels like all he’s done during this exchange is stare and ramble unintelligible phrases. He figures that if this was Neo, he would say something a lot smoother like ‘it’s priceless’ but the only thing he’s capable of saying is.”

“But am I not supposed to be kissing you?”

Namtan grins and there’s a mischievous look in her eyes as she leans slightly towards him.

“Huh?” She says tilting her head, “I suppose you are.”

*

If kissing a cat is 50 baht then surely he must be worth at least 200 right?

*

He doesn’t quite include his services into the menu card displayed in the front of their tent but word spreads and there’s several people who come in the next hour to be bestowed with his kisses. 

He’s turning a profit much higher than any of the previous shifts had and he can’t help feeling a little proud about it. At this rate he will have beaten Big Ben as their highest earner in a few hours.

Suddenly there’s a 1000 baht note in front of him.

“P’Bright!” He exclaims when he notices that devilishly handsome face. But Bright doesn’t have that kind, patient smile he always reserves for First and his myriad awkward antics. First doesn’t know what exactly he’s feeling right now but the intense look in Bright’s eyes has a nervous warmth spread through his chest. 

“Ah! I can make change for that, go ahead.” He says as he gestures towards the cats. “Somporn seems to be a little tired, if you kiss him make it quick or he might swat at you.”

“I’m not here to kiss the cats.” Bright says and doesn’t elaborate further but the easy smile on his face as he checks out First, has that same warmth from before prickle down First’s neck and pool low in his belly.

“Oh.” He says and twiddles his fingers. His cheeks flare up and he suddenly can’t look his beloved senior in the eyes anymore as he stutters out a little, “How-how many?”

“Just the one.”

First nods and reaches for their little money till, still feeling like his whole body is on fire, when Bright’s hand comes down over his to stop him from opening the box. When he looks up, he gasps from how close Bright suddenly is.

“Nong Fir.” Bright says and his whole body is filled with sparks, his hand clasped in Bright’s starting to get clammy. Bright taps his own lips and says, “Do you object?”

To his own surprise, First shakes his head and then he’s being pulled forward by their joined hands, Bright’s free hand snaking around his waist. He has never appreciated fully just how firm or solid Bright’s chest is until now that he’s laid his palms flat on it, truly focused on how it feels to be this close to Bright now that his eyes are closed waiting for Bright to close the distance between them.

Their lips meet softly, a gentle brush that slots them together. And only a few seconds pass before Bright is pulling back with a little nibble on his bottom lip. He makes the mistake of opening his eyes so he can see Bright’s lashes fanned across his cheeks up close and surely First thinks that 1000 baht should get Bright a longer kiss.

But before he can make that point, there’s a little scream at the entrance of the tent. It startles them both and they quickly let go of each other, to put some distance between them.

There’s someone who appears to be Ciize, now unconscious and being held up by Khaotung. There’s an inscrutable look on Khaotung’s face and he’s looking at them with an eyebrow raised. It’s not a bad look and Khaotung doesn’t say anything as he pulls Ciize to sit on a chair. He get a water bottle out and wets a napkin from their booth’s supplies and puts it to her forehead.

“Don’t worry about it.” Khaotung says, when Bright moves forward to help him, “It’s heatstroke. She’s nearly fainted once already, that's why we’re here. Sorry to interrupt.” First can’t find anything wrong with what Khaotung said or even how he’d said it but there’s something about the way that Khaotung is yet to acknowledge him, can’t even be bothered to spare a glance, that his heart sinks. 

He feels like he should apologize but Khaotung hasn’t asked for any such thing and if he were to really think about it then he really doesn’t know what he would be apologizing for either. First stays paralyzed at his spot while Bright is crouched in front of Ciize with Khaotung. When she finally stirs, Bright says something comforting to her that makes her blush and Khaotung look, for just a moment, sour.

Bright comes back to First and brushes a hand against First’s back, ‘I'd better be off. See you around Nong Fir.” He finishes with a wink before walking out of the tent.

[neuship-zone]

Why I will never be an anti-fujoshi

And reasons why I will happily don the fujin label

I was very tired while writing this so forgive me if stuff doesn't make sense

As you may or may not know, I grew up in a very religious household where, if not for the Internet, I would have no idea that gay people existed, let alone if being gay was an 'okay' thing or if I was myself. So, when my 10yo self joined the Kpop fandom via BTS and learnt about Jikook, I was fascinated. Men? In love with each other? How new.

And then I learnt about an app called wit. Basically, you can use it to make text message-style stories (it also had a shorts feature but that's irrelevant). So, I installed it, and started engaging in the ship and X reader fanfics on there. On one hand, it's a bit questionable that a 10-11yo was busy reading smut based on fictionalised versions of real people (one of which I vividly remember was an age gap fic where Jimin was 14 and Jungkook was 18 and it was called "Too Young" - I'm not going to give the details here because it might be triggering and it's not really the point of this post but I will say that SA is involved). But on the other hand, it was oddly....educational? It showed me that actually two guys CAN date and that's fine. Appealing, perhaps. Even the "Too Young" fic opened my eyes a little in regards to abuse and grooming. And I was able to form a community of people that I could talk to and obsess about things over.

Eventually I learned about trans people and bisexuality and suddenly my obsession with M/M (and F/F to a lesser extent) made sense. I'm actually just straight up gay and that's why it appealed to me so much. And I wouldn't have known about any of that for at least 4 more years if I didn't watch a stupid Jikook edit.

And yes, I'm not going to pretend that everything was fine. There were ship wars (apparently the Taekook shippers REALLY didn't like us), there were people trying to ask the idols really invasive questions. But, there were also people who were just casual readers and fans just lingering about because they wanted to.

Eventually I moved away from RPF into the more popular fujin manga (well, glimpses of it anyway, since they're so NSFW) and Webtoons (there's a lot of BL on there). I even started looking into GL too (although I struggled to find any that I stuck with for more than a week - I think there have only been 2 webtoons, and because I took nearly year long hiatuses I ended up coming back to them being daily pass, and I HATE DAILY PASS AAAAA). And obviously there's Yarachin B Club (was obsessed with the theme song) and Date Him Not Me (only heard of that one recently). And compared to what I was reading before, these felt so much more....normal? So you can imagine my surprise when I go to Pinterest and there are people slamming others and calling then weird and annoying for....liking a certain anime.

Additionally, what I've seen in anti-fujoshi communities is very similar to what I see in aggressive antiship communities where they'll constantly be

Harassing women over their interests

Calling media problematic for having gay characters be sexual with each other (because God forbid gay men have sex)

Stereotyping fans (because obviously every fujoshi seriously ships their irl teachers together and stalks random gay men)

Also there are some anti-fujoshis who will straight up tell you that himejoshis are fine, and it's only fujoshis they hate. Because obviously there's no overlap between the issues in fujoshi communities and the issues in himejoshi communities.

At what point does this stop becoming 'protecting gay men from fetishisation' and start becoming repackaged homophobia/gayphobia and misogyny?

At the end of the day, fujins are just people who like BL, and himejins are just people who like GL. Yes, we have our issues, but no-one will ever be able to convince me that the anti-fujins are doing anything good whatsoever.

[elwenyere]

asking my own questions instead of the ask meme template questions: how did you first get into writing fic? whats the most rewarding part of fic writing for you? and what are some of the most satisfying obstacles to overcome in the writing process?

Hello, friend!!! Thank you so much for these wonderful questions. <3<3<3

How did you first get into writing fic?

Back when I was in high school (a long, long time ago: ye olden dayes), I dabbled around the edges of fandom without really knowing that was what I was doing. I found fanfiction.net and read some things erratically, and I also had a long-running AIM chat with a friend that was basically us role-playing self-insert rpf where we lived in a big house with the cast of LOTR. Obviously I was also very, very popular. Eventually, when I went to college, I got caught up in other things and spent a period without fic in my life.

Then back in 2020 I was working a job that was really crushing me spiritually and was looking for sources of serotonin. I knew of AO3, and I started fossicking about, and after reading for a while, I decided to try writing a little myself, as an experiment. I've never been particularly good at relaxing or having hobbies, but I found that writing fic was something I could get sufficiently absorbed in, to the point that I could actually block out other anxieties for a while (but watch out!). A little while after that I went looking for other people who were also writing and reading, and I've been here ever since.

What's the most rewarding part of fic writing for you?

I love the discoveries. Many of my stories start with just a kernel of something: maybe a premise, maybe a single scene or line. Then I start to feel my way around the rest of the narrative by plopping myself down in different places/times and testing for things that feel crunchy. This means I almost never have all the plot beats of a story in my head before I start (sometimes I have hardly any), and while I have an initial sense of what I think I'm after, it often happens that many elements that end up feeling structurally and thematically crucial to the story turn out to be surprises or late developments: like I've been excavating a creature and imagining what its skeleton looks like and then I uncover a spinal cord or a major ligament that changes the whole shape of the beast in a way I could never have anticipated.

I think a lot about this quote from James Baldwin: “When you’re writing, you’re trying to find out something which you don’t know. The whole language of writing for me is finding out what you don’t want to know, what you don’t want to find out. But something forces you to anyway.”

What are some of the most satisfying obstacles to overcome in the writing process?

The segment of the writing process when I'm most likely to abandon a story is when I have it 10-35% finished: I've gotten down whatever sparked my initial inspiration, but I haven't done enough of the legwork to start uncovering what else is there to excite me, and that's when I'm mostly prone to feelings of, "this is nothing, actually." That means that when and if I can push past 50%, I often get a fresh surge of momentum that can feel really exhilarating (sometimes almost too exhilarating lol), and though it doesn't happen with every fic, there's nothing that feels more heady to me than the stage where the fic starts to feel like a place where my brain wants to live.

[iamnathannah]

"There's RPF porn of child actors on AO3 let's ban the entire site!"

Um, first, new member of the latest goddamned iteration of 'Critics United'...are you literally defining a child as under 18, no variation or allowance to a character being played by someone over 18? Is the fic about the character they play, or the actor themselves in a regular teen relationship with another teen? Because that's basically young adult fiction. You're asking a website to ban YA fiction.

Which is ridiculous if you know about pre-Internet fandom, because I'm sure there's been a folks over the year who wrote a letter to a teen magazine or traded stories about shows about teens and kids. And I'm sure Tiger Beat took plenty of letters describing detailed things about teen idols...and just tossed them out because it would be very stupid for a magazine to turn in their readers for fantasies they cannot possibly act on.

Yes, kids shipped the kids together on Stranger Things before they turned 18. They did the same for all the Mickey Mouse Clubs, Kids Incorporated, and probably Arthur Godfrey's Talent Scouts. If you hate yourself, try to search for ANY kid's show on Fillipino TV. Kids ship their peers. Get the fuck over the ick and realize that children are still human beings who love as equally as adults and express it in some way! Especially writing.

Also...why the fuck are you in a place where you're reading child RPF in the first fucking place? Shut the fuck up and report it if you hate it. Most readers well away from their teen years are NOT seeking out these stories and even back in the Yahoo Groups days I knew moderators that did a shit job at moderating and let absolutely godawful fic run through (aka some basement dweller writing 420 chapters where they detail every fantasy they had about The WB's entire broadcast week), and when they did, we told them 'moderate this shit or we're done'. You're not cute being all 'you think your fic site is innocent but they have this all if you search deep enough' when YOU are doing that searching? I have no interest in reading stories involving real folks for the most part, and especially not children. You don't need filters or moderation to avoid doing so. These people have been pulling the same racket since fanfiction.net where they absolutely refuse to use filters, parental controls and basic sense to control their reading experience and forcing it on us as a 'sign' that AO3 doesn't do enough to keep them away from these stories.

They also get mad at AO3 for...having rules against obviously stupid things like 'looking for a fic' 'stories', recipes, and extremely political content removed because AO3 is apparently a Z-run arm of Israel (it is not. Fanfiction sites are not the place to put your stupid political rants, get a Substack and read the Terms of Service just ONCE).

Sorry you're bad at curating and parenting, dude. Leave fic readers (and kids) alone.

[ex0rin]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

Tagged by @hiddenxplaces-blog & @the-ravening 😘

How many works do you have on ao3? at the moment? 192

What's your total ao3 word count? 668,102

What fandoms do you write for? currently it's all The Walking Dead all the time but in recent memory we're looking at The Boys (AND The Boys RPF 😅) and MCU (winterbones specifically)

Top five fics by kudos: stoking at the fire for you (The Witcher) sing them songs of me (The Witcher, geraskier) just one more (The Witcher, geraskier) steady, steady (The Witcher, geraskier) unexpected, not unwelcome (TFATWS, winterbaron)

Do you respond to comments? i swear I SWEAR i try 🙃 (i'm so good at catching up and then Febuwhump happens and i fall behind trying to stay on top of the monthly challenge AND THEN by like November i've caught up again) (also i have the TERRIBLE tendency to stop responding once i'm out of a fandom BUT I SWEAR i read them all and sob quietly to myself on days where things are exhausting so please take this as a huge I LOVE YOU THANK YOU SO MUCH ❤️)

What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? brb hitting the hurt no comfort tag and figuring out what the 'worst' one was… you know what, it was we'll be a fine line (Top Gun, roosmav) - still one of my fave fics tbh, it covers the time between the first movie and where we pick up with Rooster being PISSED at Mav for pulling his papers

OR hell, if i ever could stomach to edit it, i think elbow deep (The Walking Dead, cegan) would count for this - it's almost finished i swear, just need to walk away from it after every paragraph rn

What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? for who? i'd say 'till the end of the line where Bucky finally leaves Steve because they're just incompatible after all that time and trauma

Do you get hate on fics? i've gotten a bit but that's just the nature of writing non-con and/ or hurt no comfort 😅

Do you write smut? do i write anything else is the actual question haha

Craziest crossover: i… i don't crossover unless you count RPF where the actors are playing their characters to bang (i assume this doesn't count but it's as close as i get)

Have you ever had a fic stolen? yep! hilariously it was my Watcher Entertainment RPF stuff

Have you ever had a fic translated? maybe? i'm honestly not sure

Have you ever co-written a fic before? i have! a few times! honourable mentions are hold you by the edges (Watcher, limadej) with @sequencefairy (which i still reread often tbh) and keep on keepin' on (Gotham, harvey/jim) with @ponderosa121 (also a SOLID reread)

All time favorite ship? this is unfair - it absolutely depends on the brainrot at any give time. if you're asking me RIGHT NOW it's cegan, no question but like…. three months ago? who knows

What's a wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will? too many to count - there's a few i think about occasionally as like a nice memory of things that could have been but the thing I WISH i would get to finish is my RP with @sparklingbinjuice which i still hope we fall back into sometimes (but both of our attention is elsewhere at the moment)

What are your writing strengths? smut and run-on sentences 😂

What are your writing weaknesses? plot and punctuation (who needs a period when you have ; and -)

Thoughts on dialogue in another language? i used to be like FUCK IT WE SPEAK RUSSIAN but i cringe when i look back on those times (and have flashbacks to writing Japanese into Gundam Wing fic in highschool) which is to say, to each their own but if i can't speak it fluently or have a friend who does who can edit, i try not to include it in my own work

First fandom you wrote in? technically it was a sweet little Luke/OC insert from Star Wars circa, ohhhhh uh, early 90s but the first fandom i fell into a spiral about is going to be Gundam Wing FOR SURE (gimme that 1x5 please and thank you, strawberries are so sweet you know?)

Favorite fic you've written? this is also unfair - it's the unnamed one in my head that i rant to Abby about while i'm drunk at 4am thanks

zero pressure tagging: @sparklingbinjuice @duchessonfire @dcmonblood @unlikelymilliner (miss you ❤️) @sequencefairy

[includedisco]

Just me jumping on the the current JoongDunk wedding wave with this little story

Title: Dinner, Dessert and a Dash of Impatience

Characters: Joong, Dunk

Pairing: Joong/Dunk

Fandom: Thai actor RPF

Tags: Fluff, Marriage Proposal, Boys in love, Romance, one-shot

warnings: none

Word Count: 1,984

Summary: Joong, secretly in love with his best friend Dunk, plans a dinner proposal. unbeknownst to Joong, Dunk has suspected his intentions and awaits the question. As Joong gets cold feet, Dunk's patience wears thin, leading to a hilarious and heartfelt moment where he prompts Joong to pop the question.

A/N: Since twitter is currently going crazy with the idea of JoongDunk getting married and whatnot, here is a romantic fluff about their marriage proposal. I had a chat with fellow JoongDunk shipper about who we thought would propose between Dunk and Joong . In the process, she came up with this gorgeous story idea and I asked her to let me write it, so here we go.

Joong paces back and forth in his living room, phone in hand, as he musters up the courage to call Dunk. He dials the number, takes a deep breath, and presses call.

Dunk is at home, deeply engrossed in an online video game session with his friends. The chat is lively, and they are in the midst of an intense match when Dunk's phone buzzes. Seeing Joong's name on the screen, he smiles and quickly excuses himself.

"Hold on, guys. I’m getting a call. Be right back," Dunk says, and without waiting for a response, he peels off his headsets and steps away from his desk.

He lies down on his bed, staring at the ceiling, and answers the call. "Hey, Joong! What's up?" He cheerfully answers.

"Hi. So, how do you feel about Omakase with me tomorrow night?”

“Sure. I’ll have time.”

“Uh…I was also thinking..." Joong began, his voice a bit shaky. "Let’s dress nice.” He pinches the bridge of his nose and rolls his eyes at himself at how cringe he must sound saying something like that when in reality they always look nice anyway.

Dunk’s eyebrows knit slightly as he processes what Joong just said, “O-kay I’ll look good.” He replies with a chuckle.

“Yeah, let’s wear our best suits.” Joong clears his throat awkwardly for no apparent reason other than how anxious he is right now.

“Are you okay, Joong? You sound strange.”

Joong isn’t even surprised that Dunk can tell. Dunk has always possessed an uncanny ability to read Joong like an open book. Every mood, every reaction, every subtle expression—nothing ever slips past him. It’s not that Dunk needs to be a superhero to decipher Joong's emotions. In truth, stealth has never particularly been Joong's strong suit. His feelings are laid bare for Dunk to see, and that transparency has only deepened their bond over the years.

“I’m okay. It’s just a suggestion. I found a restaurant we haven’t been to.”

"What's the occasion? Should I be worried?"

Joong laughs nervously, rubbing the back of his neck with the palm of his right hand. "No, no worries! Just thought it'd be nice for us to dress up and go somewhere fancy for a change. Wear your best suit, okay?"

Dunk raises an eyebrow, even though Joong can’t see it. "My best suit, huh? This sounds suspiciously formal. Are you planning something? Tell me!" Dunk is just teasing Joong to see what he’ll say.

Okay, so Dunk kind of knows what all this is about. Roughly six days ago, they went out to have coffee together at a spot in town that they both favor. Conversation flowed easily as usual, but as they talked, Dunk noticed Joong’s unusual nervousness. It was subtle but Dunk recognized it easily as typically Joong’s manner whenever he had something plaguing his mind. Dunk didn’t question it that day.

Over the few days that followed, Joong continued being oddly tense whenever he was around Dunk. Two nights ago, they went out to a Chinese food restaurant. During their time there, Joong excused himself at some point to go to the restroom and while he was gone, Dunk’s eyes fell upon Joong’s phone which he left on the table. The screen lit up with a notification from a jeweler.

Something about the purchase of a ring.

Dunk’s heart skipped a beat in that moment, but he played it cool, choosing not to conclude anything since up to that point, nothing seemed that unusual.

But now with the invitation to dinner and instruction to wear their best suits, Dunk kind of puts the pieces together.

He plays along, acting clueless, but deep down his heart is racing with anticipation of Joong’s proposal. He is nervous, to be honest, but happy and excited as well as his mind races with the possibility of spending the rest of his life with Joong.

Slicing though Dunk’s train of thought, "You'll see," Joong answers the quesion, trying to keep his tone light. "No spoilers and no questions. Just trust me on this one and show up looking nice."

Dunk laughs, clearly amused by Joong's secrecy and emphasis on ‘looking nice’. "Alright, I'll play along. But you owe me an explanation later!"

Joong grins, feeling a bit more at ease. "Anything you want. See you tomorrow."

“Wait! Did you buy that wrist watch you were looking for?”

Joong snorts, “It was already out of stock by the time I got there after work. I tried a few other stores and they don’t have that brand either.”

Dunk hums in thought, “There’s an online store I want to try. I’ll text you what happens.”

“Try your best please. I really want it.”

“More than you want me?” Dunk asks because when he sees an opportunity to flirt, he ceases it.

Joong sighs with obviously feigned long-suffering and remorse. “There comes a time in a man’s life when he needs a good wrist watch more than love.”

“Wrong answer. I’m showing up to dinner tomorrow in slippers, a pair of shorts and a T.”

“You can’t threaten me. We’ll do dinner at home and then you can show up naked. That’ll be more fun, don’t you think?”

Dunk laughs out loud, “Oh my god, bye.”

“Bye baby.” Joong chuckles, hanging up. He goes up to his bedroom and heads straight to the bedside drawer. He pulls it open, revealing a small, velvet box seated among some loose change and old receipts.

Joong carefully takes out the box, opening it to reveal the ring inside. A small smile tugs on his lips, but beneath that, he is super nervous. Tomorrow night is a big moment, and as he gazes at the ring, hope fills his heart. He is ready to live out the rest of his future with Dunk, for better or for worse.

****

The next evening, Joong pulls up outside Dunk's house, his heart racing. Dunk steps out, and the moment their eyes meet, both are momentarily speechless at how great the other looks. Dressed in their best suits as agreed, they stand there, smiling silently at each other, taking in the sight.

Finally, the silence breaks with a burst of laughter from both of them. Joong takes Dunk's hand and gently tugs him into his arms, kissing him softly on the lips. "You look nice," he murmurs, his voice filled with warmth.

Dunk blushes, his smile widening. "You too, Joong."

On the drive to the restaurant, they keep stealing glances at each other, shyly admiring the other's appearance. Every time one of them gets caught staring, they grin and turn away or out rightly laugh. Dunk reaches for Joong's hand, interlacing their fingers and smiling tenderly at him whenever he glances over.

Arriving at the restaurant, Dunk looks around, impressed by the plush surroundings. "How do you discover places like this?" he asks Joong, nodding appreciatively, not really hoping to get an answer from Joong.

Joong smiles, relieved that Dunk likes it. "All credit goes to Google maps."

The moment they sit down, Joong’s mind turns to the real reason for the evening. His nerves began to overwhelm him. As they savored each course, Joong’s usual calmness evades him, causing him to fumble over his words, his hands to fidget and his eyes to dart around avoiding Dunk’s steady gaze. Dunk, noticing the sudden change, stares worriedly, wondering why Joong is so anxious.

"Are you okay, Joong?" Dunk asks, a hint of concern in his voice.

Joong forces a smile, trying to mask his anxiety. "Yeah.”

“You’re sweating a lot.”

 “It’s really hot in here.” Joong lies, but Dunk isn't convinced. The room really isn’t warm at all.

As the evening progresses, Joong's internal turmoil grows more intense. He can’t shake the feeling that he might be making a huge mistake. What if Dunk doesn’t see him the same way? What if this proposal ruins their friendship? What if Dunk thinks it’s too soon?

"Joong, you've been acting strange all night. What's going on?" Dunk presses, leaning in closer. He’s so ready for Joong to ask the question so he can say yes already. But Dunk is a patient guy, so he waits.

“I’m okay. I promise.” Joong replies and the longer he stares at Dunk for, the more his fears creep in. Maybe he’s being too overzealous and impulsive. They haven’t even dated exactly. Since they met, they’ve expertly surfed the line between more than friends and less then lovers. So of course Dunk will think its freaking weird that Joong wants to skip to marriage.

This is a bad idea. The entire thing. Dunk will run. And Joong can’t have that. So Joong inwardly makes the decision to cancel the proposal.

The main course of the meal is done and according to Dunk’s observation, Joong finally looks ready to do something. Dunk waits eagerly, barely able to contain his excitement.  

But then Joong just orders dessert. Dunk’s patience wears thin.

After dessert, Joong appears to be about to make another move but it’s just to order more wine.

The last thread of Dunk’s patience finally snaps. “Joong, what the hell, man?” he barks

Joong jumps, startled by Dunk’s outburst. “What is it?”

Dunk awkwardly clears his throat, belatedly realizing that he has overreacted himself into a corner. “Uhh…” he fumbles for something to say. “This dinner idea was great. What else do you have planned?”

“Did you want to do more? We can go someplace else after this.”

“And then?”

“And then what?”

“Didn’t you have…anything else for me?”

“Dunk, don’t you like it here? Is that what you’re trying to say? We can leave right now.”

Dunk groans and rolls his eyes hard. “For heaven’s sake, can you just ask me the question.” He demands, tone frustrated, “Just ask me to marry you. For how long are you going to do this, Joong? We have the suits on- which you asked for by the way- and we have the venue in place. What’s the hold up? Ask, so I can say yes.”

Joong's eyes widen in shock. "Dunk, how did you...?" he asks quietly, appalled.

Dunk continues his rant like Joong hasn’t spoken at all. “I’m waiting to give my answer, okay, but I can’t say yes until you ask the question, so can you please hurry up and say, ‘will you marry me?’ and make me the happiest man in this world.”

As Dunk’s words sink in, Joong’s initial surprise gives way to a rash of warmth. His heart swells with emotion and a soft smile spreads across his face. The realization that not only does Dunk find all this normal, but he even wants to marry Joong- Joong could never describe his joy in words.

Finding the reassurance he needs in Dunk’s eyes, Joong confidently speaks his heart. "I wanted to ask you to marry me, but I was terrified that you don't feel the same way," he confesses, his voice cracking.

Dunk's expression softens, and he reaches across the table, taking Joong's trembling hand in his. "Joong, I just lashed out because I got impatient waiting for you to ask," he says with a giggle. "Of course, I want to marry you."

Taking a deep breath, Joong finally, finally asks the question. "Dunk Natachai, will you marry me?”

“Now that I think about it, this is a little crazy, but yes I’ll marry you.”

Relief and joy wash over Joong as he pulls the ring from his pocket and slides it onto Dunk's finger. "I love you, Dunk," he says, his voice steady now.

"I love you too, Joong," Dunk replies, tears of joy welling in his eyes.

An evening that had started with nerves and doubts ends in pure happiness, a memory they’ll cherish forever.

Also, Dunk really can’t wait to throw this engagement news in Pond and Phuwin’s unengaged faces.

-END-

Thank you for reading ❤️

If you liked this story, please visit my Ao3 for more.

[cazzyf1]

Hey thanks for tagging me @msmirrorball21 🥰

Who is your favourite driver?

How hard it is to pick one. I love so many, but ultimately, I have to go with Niki Lauda, given he's been my special interest for so long and got me into classic f1.

Do you have other favourite drivers?

Mike Hawthorn, Wolfgang von Trips, Peter Collins, James Hunt, the list could go on. For drivers currently on the grid then Lewis Hamilton and Oscar Piastri.

Who is your least favourite driver?

Just feels mean to say I really don't like a certain driver

Do you pull for drivers or do you like teams as well?

Do team principals count? Because I support Williams because or James Vowles and his lovely voice. But honestly it's a bit of both on who I support, drivers but also teams in general

If you like a team, what team do you pull for?

Mercedes has been my go to since I first started watching Formula One because of Lewis Hamilton and because it was Niki Lauda's team. But I support a few other teams as well such as Williams thanks to James Vowles, Ferrari because, well it's Ferrari, and Mclaren because its my local team

How long have you been into f1?

I started watching back in 2015 but stopped for a while in 2019. I got back into the sport and classic f1 in 2022.

What got you into f1?

I think a video was recommended to me on YouTube, and I thought it looked cool, so I asked my dad about it. My dad watched Formula One as a kid, though he had stopped, but when I showed an interest, he was excited to watch it with me. It also got my grandad back into watching it! Then, as mentioned earlier, I had a break, but when Falcon and Winter Soldier came out, I got deep in the Daniel Brühl fandom, which eventually led me to watch Rush again; finding Niki Lauda interesting, so I brought two books about him and the rest is history

Do you enjoy fanfic/RPF?

I used to write fanfics about Rush Niki Lauda a few years back, but I stopped that for a few reasons. Since then, I haven't read a lot of fanfics about drivers, mainly because I spend so much time reading the books I have

How do you view new fans?

The more, the merrier. As long as everyone is nice and respectful, then it's great seeing lots of new people become intrested in the sport

If you could take over as team principal for any team, who would it be and why?

Probably mercedes, not for the chance to actually run the team but so I can go see Niki's hat and all the other Niki things Toto has kept around

Are your friends and family into F1 as well?

As mentioned, I got my dad back into watching Formula One and then my Grandad. I've also managed to influence a lot of my friends. Just this year, I moved in with a new housemate, and now he is obsessed with f1 and Nigel Mansell. Lots of my friends started watching f1, and another friend I have been catching up with has recently begun showing an interest.

Are you open to talking to other fans/making friends?

Absolutely. I'm not always great at making the first move of reaching out because of anxiety, but I love chatting with people about drivers and f1!

Tagging: @christiangeistdorfer @aladiah @heartreliquary but obviously no pressure <3