#i also think free social media is going to die in the future so the scraping chain of ad servers may also be doomed but lmao

[the-overthinktank]

in what way is it a doomed investment? I've seen a lot of artist lose their jobs to it already, it has had a greater impact than nft's and right now they're going on to make ai video's. I'm sure the bubble will break eventually but, yea share your thoughts.

Here's an article I recommend reading.

We're at the peak of a tech hype cycle. People are absolutely getting hurt and laid off from billions of dollars being poured into the latest money hole that the developers double pinkie prommy will actually work the way they're advertising... at some later date; but I suspect the main staying power for this tech is going to be spam/advertisement generation and disinformation. If you want to provide a quality chat service or make art worth looking at, human intervention is necessary even if you use generative AI as a starting point. While none of this is... good, in the same way NFTs and useless dotcom sites were not good, I am skeptical of a lot of the panic around generative AI replacing humans long term because I think it lends legitimacy to the people claiming it can competently do that.

I also think a lot of the panic around tumblr specifically is kind of redundant. I don't appreciate the site fucking condoning it, but all major social media sites have already been getting fed into these things. There is (currently) no real way to stop these companies from throwing whatever they want off of google into the machine and claiming they totally only use non-copyrighted goods, because they're drawing from billions of images and source texts and there's (currently) no easy way to check besides combing through those massive databases.

Besides, if you publicly post art online, there's already dozens of other websites scraping income off of your work. The social media you use hosts ads, and your art and presence on social media is what draws in new ad viewers and revenue. And there's aggregator sites that draw from and repost stuff from other social media sites, and they host ads. Listacle "news" sites put their top ten favorite web finds on a page covered in ads. Web searches that show your art in a pile of other images host ads. If your art is popular, the number of sites scraping income off of your work grows proportionately. This is my personal opinion, but I'd say AI is a new hat on a commons-exploitation problem that's as almost as old as the internet.

[inkandpaintleopard]

Look at that, an Introduction Post!

Good morning! And in case you’re staying up like I am, good afternoon, good evening, and good night.

I am ████████, I draw so much I have a wrist brace now.

As anyone could tell from one quick look at my blog, I love Spooky Month. It being my main fandom on here was not the plan, but I’d be surprised to see something change that now. However, any piece of media, be it shows, movies, games, books, or anything else, that I even so much as mention, PLEASE FEEL FREE TO ASK ME ABOUT IT. If I bring it up at all that indicates that I am willing to talk about it, bordering on desperate to, please I’ve been alone for so long-

Old Things

Anything I have ever done, anything I have ever drawn, any idea I have ever had is totally up for grabs as long as I’m credited. You can go into my old archives, please go into my archives, please reblog my age old posts, PLEASE build on my ancient ideas. I give my thoughts specifically to be built upon, to spark new concepts, to one day be turned into drawings, and if you can do any of that, DO IT. It’s not like once it’s old it’s gone, that’s what an archive is for. It’s still there, use it.

Also,

I’m gonna say that you can use my stuff for anything. Again, as long as I’m credited; but even if I’m not, what’s mostly important to me is that something I made is out there being enjoyed by someone. Also, please put my posts on Pinterest if you want because I didn’t even know it was its own social media until like a few months ago and I sure as hell won’t be doing it myself.

DNI

As for a DNI list, I don’t really have one. If you do identify with anything on a standard list (proshippers, looking at you mostly), let’s just agree to exist around each other as Minecraft wolves, ok? As long as neither of us attack each other for no reason, everything should be fine. This is a blog run by a child and is mostly about children and children’s media, keep that in mind. Honestly even if you are problematic, I likely won’t care unless you do something bad to me personally.

Don’t betray me or you’ll be integrated into all my stories through allegory characters and when you die I’ll search your grave for cool stuff.

I try to remain as neutral as I can on most touchy subjects and am generally pretty sympathetic, which may or may not be my downfall one day, but for now you can rely on me to just be your funny little art poster and AU flesher-outer.

Asks N’ Stuff

I look at every single notification/ask I get and I love receiving them. If you send an ask and I don’t answer it, chances are:

I just can’t think of a response (may be answered when I do, could be insanely old by then but eh)

It sprouted an idea in my mind that made me go “Ooo, I should draw that!” and then I never did

I am specifically keeping it in my inbox for quick access

I did have a response and I just. Forgot. I think about it constantly but only when I can’t actually post anything

I may have legitimately just missed it. Trust that I’ll eventually look in my inbox, go “Oh BRUH I NEVER SAW THAT ONE,” and then one of the above will occur

Sometimes I also just look at ‘em and smile cause they’re nice

So Uh, Yeah

Interested in characters, interested in people, interested in the future, and interested in the past. Too much is on my mind at any given time. You need fandom stuff? I got it. Something drawn? I got it. Someone to talk to? Sure, I’ll try. But for now, I’m going to bed man.

[rjschoicesstuff]

For Ripley: 🍷🤡📱🧸🧑‍🍼🐾

Thank uuu!!

🍷- How do they feel about alcohol?

She's gotten drunk once and from that experience learned that she's a giant lightweight and will act like a total fool + get really sick + hangovers suck. But.. she would do it again.. but she set the rule for herself that she needs to be with people that she trusts + can babysit her + she wouldn't mind embarassing herself around.

She also decided to wait til she's 21 for the next time cuz it prompted a whole talk with her mom who was not happy with her lol. I think she's at some point gonna get wasted again during one of her 'fuck im gonna be 19 forever'-breakdowns and be glad that vampires can't die of alchohol poisoning afterwards.

🤡 - What’s something dumb they’re embarrassed about?

Ripley has oc's LMAO but no one can see!!! No one!!!!! NO ONE!!

Except they have already been seen

(It's mostly lesbian werewolves who do streetracing + since becoming a vampire she also has a new werewolf oc who got recently turned and has to come to terms with her new life and the fact that she killed someone during a full moon, shes totally not projecting guys.)

📱 - What social media do they use the most?

Snapchat probably, just sending annoying videos to everyone n stuff

🧸 - Do they have any stuffed animals? If so, are they decorative or do they sleep with them?

She kept her childhood stuffed toys but they're all packed away in boxes, she dislikes having anything on her bed especially. Tho I can see her having 1 or 2 weird dolls for decoration or something.

🧑‍🍼 - How do they feel about kids?

She loves kids, she used to babysit for 2 families for some extra money before she moved, but she'd even have done it for free lol. I think she has rly strong feelings about how kids should be treated (like I mean respecting them, not talking down to them, treating them like actual human beings and individuals etc.) I think kids also just rly like her lol.

She's rly torn up that she's never going to have kids or experience pregnancy and stuff, like she knows that even if she'd stayed human maybe it wouldn't have happened, but now it's just so definitive u know. And it's really bittersweet when any of her human friends have kids because she loves them but she knows shes gonna abruptly have to be out of their lives at some point (with vampires faking their death and all that) and will have to watch them grow up from a distance from there on. I can also see her becoming a teacher or just working with kids in some way in one of her future lives.

🐾 - Do they have any pets?

She has a crusty white dog named Bram Stoker, that she always refers to as her little brother and ppl get confused as hell lmao 😭 (he's the dog in tht pic I put in this post)

And in the future Gabriela is gonna surprise her with a kitten that she names Wolf. I posted abt him here haha

They'll prob have more pets after that bbut those are the ones I know for sure hahah

[chaos-and-recover]

#you guys don't know how software development works and it Pains Me

Could you expand on that?

I think the post sums it up well, that there are physical servers that need to host the platform and that costs money so there's truly no way to have a totally free website (that's why AO3 has fundraising drives, because the alternative is ads and nobody wants that on the Fandom Porn Site).

But also in the recent announcements about restructuring and large parts of the Tumblr team being reassigned to other teams within Automattic and Tumblr essentially being left with a skeleton crew is... not great? Like everyone is celebrating the fact that Tumblr Live is probably going to die soon and ignoring the part that they also won't be shipping many if any new features but instead focusing on the ones they have. And when that part is acknowledged the reaction seems to be that they're gonna fix a bunch of shit and like... they probably aren't.

Development is slow and it requires people and direction. I don't know the details of what staff currently looks like or who's going where but in my experience, "we're focusing on improving the features we have" means "whoever is left will be focused on keeping the lights on." Like, maintaining vital infrastructure and maybe fixing bugs here and there if they have the capacity for it.

Plus not having shiny new features as often if at all makes it really hard to drive new users to the platform, and that makes it less enticing for investors and/or advertisers.

I work for a SaaS company with a significantly smaller userbase than a typical social media site would have, even a relatively underused one like Tumblr (bc we're B2B so our customers are other businesses in a niche-ish field) and just one of our platforms has two distinct product teams, with each team consisting of a product manager, a designer, a handful of developers and a QA team, and that doesn't include the site reliability team who keep the whole thing running and solve database and server issues.

And it'll be hard to attract or retain top talent in any of these roles if your company just isn't putting the resources into the platform.

It takes a lot of people to keep a website functional, and I don't want to be doom and gloom because it might all be fine, at least for the foreseeable future, but it takes a lot of people to keep a software platform running.

I'm just glad it seems like no one at Tumblr is actually losing their jobs at this point.

And lbr I'm still gonna be here til the wheels fall off.

[ryttu3k]

Thoughts on Doctor Who - Dot and Bubble!

You know what, it's a bold new choice on Doctor Who to go, "Actually, this entire pastel-washed Celebration-meets-Tiktok society probably should die" but I can't say it's like. Entirely wrong in this case. Can't help someone who's so thoroughly wedged up their own arse (or stuck in their own bubble, ofc) they actively refuse help due to their own bigotry, y'know?

Actually, it's very much an 'offering mercy to the enemy' kind of thing. Which, historically, hasn't tended to go great either. It just hits a little different because we spent the entire episode focused on Lindy's storyline that we go, "Oh, she's the protagonist" and it's only at the end that we really get confirmation of, "Ah. She's the enemy." Although, in fairness, the endless microaggressions piling up culminating in killing Ricky was a pretty big hint, so…

Kind of refreshing that the first episode in which the Doctor's skin colour comes up is set in the future, which normally are pretty free of like. Racism and bullshit like that. Like Martha, Bill, Yaz, and Ryan all mention racism being an issue in historical episodes, Thirteen only gets talked down because of her apparent gender in a historical. You kind of make this assumption that even if there are still massive issues in the future, something like race isn't one of them. Only, it is. And Fifteen is the one to come up against the brunt of it. Any other Doctor, and the entitlement may have shown, but the racism may have stayed hidden (unless, again, Martha, Bill, or Yaz and Ryan as companion). Fifteen, however, gets them to show their asses just by virtue of existing. He was literally trying to save their lives!

Quote from RTD: "The moment we cast Ncuti, everyone said to me, "Oh my god, what's it going to be like when he goes into the past? Because a Black Doctor's going to face such racism." You sit there going, "What about now? Why do you think that racism's only in the past, when you look at what's happening to the world?""

Did come across as very nihilistic, ending-wise. RTD has said this episode was Black Mirror-influenced, and yeah, can definitely see that. You know what, that planet and the Finetime community are doomed. The planet's population is gone, a good chunk of Finetime's population is gone (or couldn't be led to safety, in which case it's only a matter of time), and lbr these kids only learned to walk a few hours ago. I would be amazed if they lasted a week playing Pioneers outside. And there's nothing that the Doctor can do, because they're so entrenched in their own racism that they refuse the literal lifeline he's throwing to them!

Conclusion: Fascinated how they went from, "Social media bad!" and "Killer AI!" to, "Actually, maybe social media isn't the problem and maybe, just maybe, it's people being so obsessed with staying within their literal bubbles that they begin to systematically dehumanise anyone who doesn't 'belong'" and also, "Actually yeah I'm kinda going for the AI deciding that the best way to deal with institutionalised and entrenched racism and bigotry is to kill them all with giant slugs."

(I mean, if the Dot AI could see how literally everyone was, I assume they realised they wouldn't accept a sapient AI as a new life form…)

Acting: Not quite as Doctor-lite as 73 Yards, this was more… Diet Doctor and Companion. That said, what we did get from Ncuti Gatwa was goddamn masterful. His reaction when he realises what's going on the end was heartwrenching - the disbelieving laughter, then the anger and frustration. So goddamn good. That said, Callie Cooke as Lindy was obnoxious and thus perfectly acted. Like at the beginning you were lowkey hoping she'd get her head out of her arse, and by the end you were hoping she'd get eaten :D Also enjoyed Tom Rhys Harries as someone who's been raised in the bubble but is at least trying to start just… slowly stepping out of it, only to be violently rejected by the rest of the bubble.

Continuity: Another Susan Twist! This time, actually called out! You know, there are two possibilities here, and both are extremely funny: 1) RTD intentionally cast an actor named Susan Twist to appear in every episode in order for her multiple appearances to foreshadow a twist revealing Susan Foreman, or 2) RTD intentionally cast an actor named Susan Twist to appear in every episode in order for her multiple appearances to have absolutely nothing to do with Susan Foreman and the repeated appearances are something else entirely. Either way, it's goddamn hilarious.

Nothing on Ruby's backstory this week, including a lack of snow. Ruby did feel somewhat unimportant here, she was only really there to make Lindy actually listen, because she's white and blonde and therefore Like Them and therefore worthy of listening to, and could have been replaced by any other young white companion, like Rose or Clara. If it had been the Doctor on his own, or Martha, Bill, or Yaz and Ryan as companions (or potentially even Donna, who might have got caught by ageism?), Lindy would have just kept blocking and blocking and never, ever listening.

The Big Bads of the season continue to oscillate between the possible Pantheon (the Toymaker, Maestro, possibly Mad Jack/the Fairies?) and just. Humanity. The humans who forced babies to be born then abandoned them, the military industrial complex, nuclear ambitions (the only one so far not set very far in the future), and now pastel-washed white supremicists. Very much a 'yeah, humanity definitely still hasn't solved these issues yet' kind of thing.

The 'stories being real' theme was handled kind of obliquely. Still definitely there, but it was a human consequence of being stuck in their own bubbles/narratives and being unable to see or accept anything outside it, and less a metatextual example like with other episodes.

Season ranking

As of s40e05:

73 Yards

The Devil's Chord

Dot and Bubble

The Church on Ruby Road

Space Babies

Boom

[nickgerlich]

It's A Revolution

Professional sports have long been available for free viewing, either on cable, satellite, or over-the-air. Of course, league blackout rules apply in certain places, and there are season pass options available for die hard fans. The gist of it is that watching the game, whatever it may be, has been of the people and for the people.

But that is slowly changing. In 2021, Amazon signed on for 11 seasons of Thursday Night Football, and has effectively added one more day of the week to fans’ football-watching activities. Well, as long as you have Amazon Prime, know a friend who does and doesn’t mind you crashing there, or can find it at a sports bar. Otherwise, you’re out of luck.

AppleTV+ has dibs on Major League Soccer, which proved to be a huge win for Apple last year when Messi started playing for Miami. It’s an upgrade to the standard AppleTV+ subscription, but some games are shared across the AppleTV+ platform for the basic subscribers.

And now we come to the latest: Peacock, owned by NBCUniversal, carried this last Saturday’s playoff game between the Kansas City Chiefs and Miami Dolphins, and based on the data, it was the “most-streamed live event in US history.” Some 23 million viewers turned in, of which 16.3 million were logged in to Peacock. The remaining seven million were viewers in the KC and Miami markets, as well as subscribers to the NFL+ mobile app.

But the superlatives don’t stop there. The game also practically choked the internet, accounting for 30% of all web bandwidth during the game. It was the “most internet usage ever in the US on a single date.” Take that, Netflix.

So what’s the problem, you ask? Well, there was a huge outpouring of negativity on social media, because some viewers felt like they were being extorted for $5.99 a month to sign up for Peacock (which, of course, they could cancel at any time). And some lawmakers are concerned as well, because…you know…that’s not how we have always done it.

We may see a court battle or two over this, but I suspect the ship is sailing, and we will now begin to see ever more professional sports on subscription streaming services. And with good reason, because pro sports is about the only reason people watch linear television these days. OK, maybe the evening news, but I have already digested all of the day’s news online long before the 10pm showing. When you consider that 93 out of the top 100 broadcast programs last year were NFL games, you see the magnitude of this.

Think about it. The only content with a shelf life of not more than a few hours is sports and the news. Who wants to watch yesterday’s football game, or last night’s newscast? I’ll wait. And we’ll all happily wait to watch everything else on our own schedule, whether by DVR or streaming on demand.

It’s just that, as we continue to cut the ties that bound us to all those legacy media outlets, the new model is all about streaming. While there is much consolidation going on—that’s a topic for a future blog—it also means there will be more resources among the surviving conglomerates to do what Peacock just did, and what Amazon has been doing. Exclusive rights cost big money, but with that many eyeballs, it is well worth the price. Advertisers love it, and so does any company with the rights.

For consumers, it signifies a continuation of the drift away from legacy outlets, and toward the streamers. I know. The prices and bundling options available these days are beginning to look a lot like that which we left behind with cable and satellite, but that’s how it goes. Orwell noted that tendency in Animal Farm. The Wheel of Retailing Theory says the same. A revolution eventually begins to look a lot like that which it sought to replace.

And if you want to watch pro sports in the future, I am betting heavily that you’ll have to join the revolution. Or find a friend who has. Just be sure to bring food and beverage.

Dr “How Many Subscriptions Do You Have?” Gerlich

Audio Blog

[empressofthesunwriter]

Friendly Faces Everywhere

Codename Dovahkiin Part 2

Now that the Stick of Truth RPG is over it's time for N.K. to face the normal everyday life of South Park.

She should have known nothing in South Park is ever normal!

Day to day the craziness of this supposed quiet little mountain town she has to combat now.

Thank god, she has Tammy, Wendy, her boys, and her Social Media/Magical Girl Powers on her side.

This gonna be a wild ride!

Main Pairing: New Kid/Kenny McCormick/Kyle Broflovski

Chapter 8: Why is it all so complicated?

Kenny and I are waiting before school for Heidi to talk about being a polycule.

I will be truthful to you guys.

I’m nearly pissing my pants.

This could end badly in so many ways, that I’m really thinking about just to call all off.

I’m happy with Heidi, I can change this future I saw or hallucinated.

Why should I have more?

Because sometimes you fall in love and can’t stop it.

I love Heidi.

I love Kenny.

I also love Kyle, but he is right now not here or wants to be part of it as it seems.

What I try to say is, my feelings won’t go away.

I can’t let go, because they are true and pure and intense.

Never in my eleven years on Earth, I would have thought I would have such drama in my love life so young.

I thought in High School this shit was about to happen.

Shows again how unnormal I am.

At least I’m not alone…Kenny is unnormal too.

I wonder if I have seen him die and don’t remember it. He didn’t tell me this.

I really hope I don’t have to choose between Kenny and Heidi.

I…I just can’t.

Finally, we see Heidi arriving. She looks curious, yet worried.

I wonder what she is thinking.

I hope that she doesn’t think I want to break up with her to be with Kenny because that’s totally not it!

“Hey Heidi.”, I greet. “Thanks for coming this early here to talk.”

My girlfriend nods.

“Of course. You sounded like you were dying. Also…what do you and Kenny want to talk about?”

Kenny and I look at each other. He gives me an encouraging nod.

Right, it’s the best I talk.

So slowly and carefully I explain to Heidi what is going on.

That I love her, but I still love Kenny and Kyle.

That Kenny loves me back and would be even okay with it if I date her and him at the same time or also that we all date each other.

When I finish talking I feel like throwing up.

It doesn’t get better seeing Heidi’s tears in her eyes.

“You know…I had a feeling…I felt that you never stopped to love Kenny and Kyle.”, she sniffles and I just want to hug her and never let her go. Hurting Heidi was never an option for me, yet here we are. “I’m not enough?”

“You are enough!”, I yelled desperately.

“Yet you still want the boys too. N.K., I don’t know if I can do this. Polyamory is not for everyone.”

“Heidi, love, look-“

“No.”, she interrupts me. “Don’t choose me because you don’t want to hurt me. Even if we stay together…you would still love Kenny and Kyle…right?”

What else can I do than nod?

My girlfriend signs heavily, wiping away her tears.

“I…need some time to think about it…Can we have a break, N.K.?”

Saying I’m not hurt by it is an understatement, but I will give Heidi as much time as she wants.

Why do I have a feeling my whole life will change when Heidi makes her decision?

A whole week passes by.

I stay mostly with Tammy away from our fourth-grade friends, since Heidi is with them. I told Kenny that till Heidi tells us her decisions, it would be better if we stayed just friends too.

No one shall make a move on the other.

Kyle gets invited to the White House and gets a medal for his speech about Caitlyn Jenner being a hero.

Also, we have suddenly a lot of Canadien students in our school.

Today at lunch I and Tammy watch fascinating how our new classmate and friend Emma puts so much maple syrup on her pancakes, that you can’t even recognize them anymore.

“You wanna have a taste, buddy?”, the red-haired girl ask us with a light French accent.

She comes from Quebec, yes the Quebec like in the caverns Kenny, Kyle, and I enter to free the Minister of Montreal, and there they speak French apparently.

Canada is so weird, guys.

“No thanks, Emma.”, answers Tammy for us. “Enjoy your pancakes.”

Which she did with gusto.

Well, no judgment from me. I could eat my Mamma Lasagne any day.

Anyway, it’s nice to have a new friend and learn more about Canada.

The next day, P.C. Principal with some of our Canadien students what us to show a play about Canadian history, only for Mr. Garrison to come in and be a grand dick.

I want to point out that all Americans, besides the Native Americans, came from immigrants, who took this country away from the people who truly were born here.

Garrison and all his possy who are against immigrants are so two-faced.

But okay telling P.C. Principal he has a pizza face and sucks his mom's dick was funny.

Not so funny was saying to the Canadien that they should be all fucked to death.

No wonder, that even Emma didn’t want to talk to me and Tammy.

She stormed out of school with her Canadian friends.

I’m thinking if I somehow can fix this mess with a good hashtag on social media when I hear my fourth-grade male friends talking.

“Are you serious!”, I walk over to them, Tammy right behind me. “You want that Leo puts an Romeo and Juilette’s a Canadian girl, how is this going to work?”

“Didn’t they die at the end?”

“Yes, Tammy, they died at the end because both were stupid teenagers who couldn’t like wait a few seconds and check the pulse of their supposed death love.”

“I don’t wanna die!”, whines Leo.

“You aren’t going to die, Butters!”, tells him Cartman. “You just have to date a Canadien girl nothing more.”

“Guys, we aren’t playing Stick of Truth. You can’t unite two countries with two fourth graders.”

“Do you have a better plan, Douchebag?!”

I take out my phone and start tipping.

“Watch and learn my young Padawans.”

I admit, I greatly understatement the stupidity of my fellow Americans. Garrison has already a lot of support, that my Hashtags CanadaIsOurFriend and CanadaAmericaUnity aren’t trending as much as they should.

Or my powers are broken.

So poor Leo was forced to ask out a Canadien girl named Charlotte.

From what I have seen of her she is cute.

Still, it pisses me off that Leo has to do this and my Social Media Powers are fucking with me.

“Have you tried to turn yourself off and on again?”, asks me Tammy, the smartass.

We are in my room, she is laying on my bed reading Naruto, while I stare in anger at all my social media on my computer.

I can’t figure out what is wrong!

“Haha, so funny.”, I fake-laugh and click like possed on the reblog and retweet buttons to get my Hashtags rolling. “My powers are fucking with me when I need them.”

“Last week you seemed to have lost your fighting spirit and now it’s back. You didn’t tell me what happened exactly.”

So I do.

Besides Kenny’s curse, I tell Tammy anything.

After I’m done Tammy suddenly sits up and stares with wide eyes at me.

“N.K., what if your powers are influenced by your emotions? How you tried to transform?”

“I haven’t…”

“Then do it now!”

I try to find the energy in myself to transform, but…there is nothing.

“Tammy, you might be on something!”, I tell her.

“Transforming also doesn’t work. N.K. currently you are under a lot of emotional stress maybe it blocks all your powers and that’s why your Social Media Powers and your Magical Girl Form don’t work.”

Desperate I let myself fall into her arms.

“This is such bullshit, Tammy! I barely know anything about my powers and they seem to always fuck me over.”

“Have you tried talking with your parents about it?”, softly she strokes my hair.

“Whenever I try, they block or change the subject.”

“I wish we could go…I don’t know in some secret lab and try to find something about your powers!”

…Wait…

I stand up and lead her out of my room.

When she asks me what I’m doing, I tell her that maybe we can find some clues in my parent’s stuff. For that we need to go into the basement and then the cellar.

The next day’s Tammy and I fight our way through lots and lots of documents.

So much I didn’t know…so much I’m learning.

But all is pointing in one direction.

Washington D.C.

Where I was born.

How the fuck should we get there?

While we were occupied with that, Mr. Garrison apparently raped the Canadien President to death and all our Canadien friends return home.

Mr. Garrison is in so high spirits that he actually tries to run for president.

Hah, if he wins I will call fatass a whole day only Eric!

So there is only one thing left after this days.

I get a message from Heidi, asking me to meet her at the playground.

As I see her sitting on the swing, slowly, swinging back and forth, I have my answers.

“You…break up with me?”, nonetheless I ask, trying to not cry like a baby.

Heidi stops swinging and stands up.

Tears are in her eyes too.

“I love you N.K. and being with you were the best weeks of my life.”, she whispers like she is scared she will disturb the silence of the night.

Only the stars are witnesses of our heartbreaks.

“But you…you still will break up with me.”

“I…I want someone that treats me and only me as his or hers anything.”, she admits, looking down at the ground.

Both our tears are making it wet.

“I don’t think I can be part of a polycule, I don’t want to share. I know you would stay only with me, but you will never stop loving Kenny and Kyle. I can’t force you to love only me. Like you can’t force me to try to love someone beside you or share you.”

I bit my lips and nodded.

“So…this is it?”

“This is it…”

A river of tears falls down my cheeks. My heart feels destroyed, yet also freed.

Heidi was sincere with me.

And I have to accept that I can’t have my perfect ending.

Because perfect doesn’t exist.

“We can still be friends…”, Heidi trails off.

I let out a little huff and smile bittersweet at her.

“I love you Heidi, I can’t jump back to being a friend. Maybe in the future but for the next weeks…”

“No, I get it.”

With this, she turns around to walk home.

“Goodbye N.K., thank you for the love you gave me. You will be forever my first love. I will never forget our time together. I…I wish you and Kenny the best…and I hope Kyle will love you both.”

“I wish you find someone who will give you the happiness you deserve Heidi. I’m devasted that I couldn’t be it.”

Heidi gives me one last smile and then she walks away.

Like I’m a statue I stay in place at the playground, watching her go, crying for us.

Slowly it starts to rain.

I’m cold and wet, but I just can’t seem to move.

I close my eyes and face the sky.

The raindrops are like the caress of a lover.

The perfect end doesn’t exist, I remind myself.

This night I dream again.

I dream about a beautiful older Heidi, holding a pretty red-haired boy in her arms.

He isn’t Alexander or the child I was pregnant with from my other dream. I just know it.

Kenny joins her side with Layla and Naomi, as Kyle and Alexander take my hands to go to join our family.

This…this is my perfect happy ending.

Impossible and beautiful.

I wake up, staring at my ceiling.

New tears roll down my cheeks.

It’s like he knew that something was wrong as my window opens slowly and Mysterion pokes his head in.

He doesn’t say anything.

His look is enough.

I reach out with one hand to him.

Not a second later he is beside me in bed, hugging me to his chest, humming a small melody to calm me down.

We stay like this, till the first rays of the sun.

We fall asleep, embraced, and together.

I lost Heidi…but Kenny won’t leave me.

Maybe I don’t need perfect.

Maybe I just need someone who can love like me and love me.

I’m not crying you are. *blows in my tissues*

I’m sorry that N.K. and Heidi broke up, but Heidi seems to me like someone who can’t love more than one person.

Well at least not right now.

She may have dated N.K. and learned a lot about herself, but she still is only 10 and wishes for a monogamous relationship.

Polyamory is a lot of work and for someone so young it’s too difficult to maintain.

N.K. and Kenny are already more mature than most of their age mates, thanks to both of their powers/curses and family situations. N.K. with the moving and leaving behind all, Kenny with his deadbeat parents and practically raising Karen on his own.

They have the mental capacity to make this work.

Okay, the only one right now that could join the polycule would be Kyle, but right now it would mean only that N.K. dates the two guys and they stay friends.

But this is also a K2 fanfiction, we also have to go on the journey of Kenny and Kyle falling in love with each other. :3

Which I can’t wait to write for since K2 is my freacking OTP in South Park. :D

For now, we will have N.K. and Kenny be a pair.

A boy, can you imagine what field day Cartman will have with this? I sure can. XD

Until next time!

Next

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[00priivate]

Typing 1

So, not too long ago, I tried typing my friend I’ve known for a bit in the #typings feed, but I had to stop prematurely because, 1: I didn’t describe him as well I wanted and 2: it would’ve taken too long to do. That’s why I’m doing this post.

What I’m going to do is describe him and analyze him based on E/I (S/N and that stuff) his functions, temperament, etc.

EXTRAVERT/INTROVERT

As for whether Jack is E or I, I would describe him as more I than E. While he can have moments of being extraverted, such as being the class clown, I wouldn’t say that is his most comfortable or normal position for him. He does enjoy being the center of attention, and likes being the clown, as it makes him feel seen. A lot of times, he says that he doesn’t feel seen, or he just no impact; and when he’s really down, he’ll say things around the line of: “if I die tomorrow, it wouldn’t matter. People would move on, and find someone who does my job better/is a better friend or person to be around. 

My judgment for him being introverted is a lot of his major decisions and major moves aren’t really from external events, sure the way they come from might be from outside him, but he’s the one who makes them. Plus, when he’s not the class clown, he’s pretty quiet and restrained. He’s also not the person to randomly approach others or be aggressive, or even bold. 

From what he says, he thinks that he isn’t “that type of person”, and he doesn’t have the power or image for it to work; and as for not approaching or being outwardly friendly, he says that he thinks he’d be annoying, and push people away. Which I don’t know, from what I’ve heard, he’s not really disliked, and while he does look unapproachable on the surface, he really isn’t and does wish someone would reach out to him. (He’s also pretty introverted in the fact that he doesn’t have too much of a social media presence. He has friends, but barely any in the grand scheme of things.) Quite a lot of times, he’ll worry about making someone annoyed or angry, and secretly worry about it. That might be where his restrain comes from.

SENSATION/INTUITION 

This was what I thought was the easiest to decide, and I still think it is, but it got comparably harder than I thought. I was originally going to say that he was S>N, but I’m not sure. I first thought of “gut” when I was doing this, and I don’t think he’s a “follow your gut” guy, a lot of times he follows his head, and when he does have a “gut feeling”, he’ll dismiss and go with his head (which has failed him many times, may I add.) 

Jack also doesn’t have many of those gut feelings that I just mentioned. Regardless, I would say he is heavily S>N, like S1-N4 heavy. He loves getting in “the moment” and has outright says he loves it. I think he likes it so much because he thinks it’s fun, and likes the rush of it, no need to think, he gets to be free, and any sort of doubt, fear, pressure are released from his mind, even for a few seconds. 

For why N<S, he doesn’t really think about the future all that much. I mean, he does but when he does he does, it isn’t very detailed, and is very simple in how he thinks about it. He’s also a firm believer of “when I get to it, I’ll get to it.” Abstract topics do interest him, but he doesn’t have the easiest time with abstraction. For example, when doing a task, he needs to have it explicitly stated, in detail, on what to do. No loose ends, or then he’ll get confused and be stuck and unsure of what to do. I once got annoyed because of this, and told him to just go with what he thought was right. He told me that what would happen if he was wrong, and that he didn’t want to mess up the task.

As for change, he didn’t really change all that much, (I’ve known him for a WHILE, and he is pretty much the same person as he once was.) As for why, I don’t know. I feel like if I ask him, he’ll say something like, “I don’t know, I guess I didn’t need to.” Jack is also the one to ask “why?” quite a lot, and look for the use of something. Something physical, something that he can actually interact with. 

I don’t know if this fits in with the S/N discussion, but he doesn’t seem to get some jokes, and out of nowhere, he’ll get an “aha!” moment where he finally gets it. It’s like he’s piecing the puzzle together in his head.

THINKING/FEELING

T/F was quite tricky for me to identify. I’ll list out notable characteristics I saw and come up with a conclusion at the end:

1. Jack is easy to get along with. He doesn’t cause trouble and isn’t necessarily hated from what I’ve seen. Sure, there are somethings that are disliked about him, but for the most part, he gets along with everyone. On the surface, it doesn’t seem like he gets irritated, but legit hates when people keep complaining or cause problems or not take responsibility. He’s the type to just do what he needs to. No complaints, no excuses, he’ll just do it.

2. Jack questions a lot. Some of the time he’ll make it obvious, but other times he’ll observe quietly, making a mental note of what’s happening without saying anything. He’s also told me on how he’ll look at something and wonder how it works, and why it works like that. However, he’s said that he doesn’t ask questions because it makes him look stupid or that he can figure it out on his own.

3. When there’s some sort of conflict, he usually responds in a loud, reactive tone. Which doesn’t really help with identifying with him being T. This is definitely F>T.  If he’s not involved in the conflict, he’s either being an instigator, uninvolved, or the peacemaker, the one who tries to keep things cool. He’s also not comfortable with being disliked and doesn’t like it all. When asked why, he said that he feels like there is something wrong with him, and doesn’t know why. He wants to fix the problem, and know why he’s disliked. 

(He did make the distinction that if the complaint was sound, then he would go with it, but if it was something that didn’t make sense, he wouldn’t care.)

4. For decision making, he usually takes time when doing so. When he doesn’t, it usually doesn’t end well. Say for example, if he’s being stressed, under pressure, or even if he is filled with emotions, good or bad, he’ll make an irrational decision. A recent example is him legitimately biting his earbud when it died, and now it doesn’t work. 🤡 it has a hefty dent in it now. Something to note however, is how when he makes a decision, he said that he’ll try to rationalize his decision if it doesn’t seem like it is. Due to this, I would lean closer to T than F, but I feel like that would be more F than T.

5. Romance wise, it’s… difficult. Last time I checked, he hasn’t had a romantic relationship, like ever. I think the reason why is because he never puts himself out there, and in his own words, he’s not “boyfriend material.” I translate that into, “ I’m scared to put myself out there, and risk my ego, pride, and other stuff and would rather stay alone than take that risk.” That’s pretty much his  biggest flaw, sure he’s sort of awkward when talking, but he’s alright.

PERCEIVING/JUDGING 

P vs J might be the hardest one to decide tbh. I’m leaning towards P more than J. He’s not too organized, and is prone to letting things spiral out of control before he puts his foot down and gets it back together, or someone tells him to do so. Jack is one to do what he needs to without telling him. Yet that’s only when he knows what to do. And he can easily be lazy and lethargic, working on his own terms rather than a specified schedule.

That manifests in his dislike and apathy for scheduling and controlled environments. He’s said that he learns and enjoys when he gets to learn on his own, and breaks things down into step-by-step instructions and gets to learn at his own pace.

What made me even more confident in Jack’s P-ness, is his difficulty with commitments. To him, commitments closes all his options and keeps him “trapped.” From what he said, the best way for him to succeed is to have the task at hand have some merit, (he wants it to matter to him) and for him to enjoy it. Enjoying the task makes him want to do it more, therefore getting it done faster, and wanting it to be right.

So: 

I>E

S>N

T>F

P>J

So Jack would be an ISTP from the letter standpoint.

TEMPERAMENT 

Choleric:  The least likeliest temperament for Jack. Jack does have a drive and wants to succeed, like everyone does but, it isn’t a major part of his personality. Any sort of choleric characteristics, such as being bold, decisive, quick thinking, forceful, and leadership are all things Jack is not, or at least far from.

Melancholic: Melancholic is most likely Jack’s temperament or at least his primary temperament. His worrisome nature, need for things to be right. The only thing that I don’t see is his carefree nature, which seems more Phlegmatic or Sanguine. His carefree nature might be a facade, something he does so he can move forward or something that lets him skip the problem of arguing.

Sanguine: What I originally thought Jack was, and if I’m going off of my typing from before, then he would be secondary Sanguine. His class clown exterior, wit (which I haven’t mentioned until now) and lively attitude could make him seem like he’s Sanguine on the outside.

Phlegmatic: Possible, on one hand, Jack is peaceful, diplomatic, etc. However, Jack can be emotionally reactive, and his worrisome nature doesn’t fit for a dominant Phlegmatic. For a secondary phlegmatic, he also doesn’t have any of the characteristics of a person that would be that.

Verdict: Jack is a Mel/Sang

I’m probably wrong, but still, I’d like to hear your opinion!

[unhonestlymirror]

Oh God, thank you for making me laugh (nervously, tho) today. Where do I start.

"It is a disservice to the victims to pretend as if the state of nazi germany isolating and exterminating jewish citizens, appropriating their land and possessions and dehumanizing them is not the same or similar to the state of Israel isolating and exterminating arab Palestinians, appropriating their land and possessions and dehumanizing them. It is a disservice to the victims to cry for Israeli babies and yet have no tears for Palestinian babies left to die in bombed hospitals."

Op, have you ever heard about Israeli putting Arabs in gas cameras? placing Arabs in concentration camps? torturing and raping Arabs for being Arabs? I haven't. I've heard about Israel treating Palestinians in the best clinics, letting Arabs preach their culture and freely speak their language in Israel, letting Arabs work and study in Israel, providing Arabs with all the rights Jews in Israel have... unless those Arabs try to kill people "for Palestine". Doesn't look like an occupation to me. Let me remind you:

It is a disservice to the Hamas victims to cry for Palestinian babies and yet have no tears for Israeli babies being killed, beheaded, raped, burnt alive, kidnapped to Palestine by average Palestinians." In google, in social media, in real life - I don't see the "Free Hostages" slogan.

Op, you also confuse "occupiers" with "colonizers". It happens when you are severely uneducated and you just reflect the society in which you sit, without the slightest attempt to think through, to expand your knowledge, to "listen to both sides", after all, to figure out what is really going on. It's pretty fucked up to call Jews the occupiers of Judea.

"But to pretend as if this conflict between an armed state looking to seize land and a rebel group violently lashing out against that seizure is the same the systematic extermination of internal ethnic groups is the greatest disservice. To ignore 70+ years of conflict instigated by Britain and then carried onward by Israel so you can frame this lashing out as akin to the Holocaust is a disservice to every mourning parent and sibling from the river to the sea."

Yeah, and that's what you're doing right now, op. The I/P conflict is the direct continuation of the Holocaust. Do you know what the phrase "from the river to the sea" means?

Whatever you write about Israel is indeed a disservice to every mourning parent and sibling from the river to the sea.

"But Israel is not the shining jewish city on a hill, it is a settler state occupying land carved out by British Imperialism and propped up by American Imperial interests in the middle east. This is war, and people, much like animals, fight savagely when they are cornered. And I would say a tightly controlled and densely populated slum is about as cornered as one can get."

Op, let me be the first person who tells you this: you are a very good material for a future nazi. Uneducated, burning with passion to cause good and make justice, you believe that freeing Palestine from all the Jews because Israel is a jewish state is gonna solve the problem, you call people who killed Vivian Silver, who tortured Rami Aman, who raped and beheaded the girl Shani and more than 1400 people like her - you call such people "cornered". You should go and live in Palestine if you really believe in your own words. Although, it's a cruel thing to wish you.

The last sentence: oh, it's a hard thing to have peace in the heart after seeing what russian scum does to my land, it's a hard thing when the "modern world lurches towards fashism at a startling rate" - but I'll manage! Thank you.😊 After all, Jews somehow managed to revive their state after the Holocaust.

P.S. The original text above was copypasted, so you should have probably wished this to the author herself.

I am horrified by how often I see people writing, "Well, we shouldn't take Holocaust into account when talking about Israel-Palestine war." Of course we SHOULD, and that's why:

"October 7 is getting rewritten and certain social media users are an active of the campaign to erase the atrocities.

I was barely awake on October 7th when news of the atrocities that were committed by Hamas began to trinkle in, horror by horror. With sleep still in my eyes, I had hoped it was a nightmare I could erase by burying my face in pillows and returning to slumber, but alas, reality was insistent. Hamas had butchered over 1,200 people, amongst them infants, pregnant women, the handicapped, and the elderly. Even dogs were not spared.

But Hamas didn’t just murder them in cold blood, they had tortured, raped, desecrated their bodies, and took hostages. Their depravity was limitless. And they were so proud of their crimes that they used GoPro cameras to record them, later releasing the sickening spectacles to the public as a form of psychological terror. Add to that the live streams, cell phone recordings, and CCTV camera footage, and you’ll probably have the most documented massacre in history—with a reported 60,000 video clips collected.

I’ve seen some of these videos, including those not circulating quite so widely in public. They will haunt me for the rest of my life—and that falls far short than the 47 minute “film” shown to select journalists and diplomats worldwide, a number of whom broke down and/or fell ill during the screening.

But as shocking as all of this deranged butchery was — which was entirely the intention — what stunned me in the aftermath is the world’s reaction.

Putting aside disputes of land and politics, it was jarring to hear such a blatant reframing of narrative. It started with calling Hamas the “resistance” and justifying the unjustifiable. A number of BLM chapters had put out “heroic” images of Hamas terrorists descending on parachutes. I half-expected them to release action figures of Hamas fighters too. Maybe they did?

And then came the "BUTs." Sure, some folks condemned Hamas, but it was always followed by a "BUT," justifying the unjustifiable. I've been asked, ad nauseam, "What would you do in their situation?" Well, my response remains steadfast: not commit random acts of murder, torture, and kidnapping. Call me old-fashioned. (For the record I’ve called many colorful words for my stance, but oddly that was never one of them).

It was a wake-up call for many, especially those of us in the global Jewish community. Overnight, the illusion of safety shattered, much like the dreams of anyone who's binge-watched a horror series alone at night. But now we were all collectively trapped in that nightmare, and couldn’t wake up no matter how hard with pitched.

The history of the Holocaust is taught in many schools around the world. “Never forget” and “never again” are sentiments that are echoed within that curriculum. Yet, while some might scoff at the persistent advocacy for Holocaust education, insisting that it’s hitting them over the head, a nationwide survey in 2020 reveals that the under-40 crowd seems to have missed the memo. Shockingly, one in ten respondents haven’t even heard of the word “Holocaust,” let alone being aware that as many as 6 million Jews perished in it.

Further, nearly a quarter of those questioned said they believed the Holocaust was a myth, had been exaggerated or that they weren’t sure. Meanwhile in Canada, one in five young people (under 34) either hasn't heard of the Holocaust or isn't sure what it is. And in Britain, one in twenty adults flat-out deny that it ever took place. Ah, the privilege of blissful ignorance.

Most who underestimate the number of Jews killed in Holocaust have neutral or warm feelings toward Jews.

But it's not just ignorance; there's an entire industry that has been propped up and dedicated to Holocaust denial, complete with books, “movies,” and groups. To make matters worse, alarmingly, fewer Holocaust survivors are around to share their firsthand accounts and counteract the flames of denialism.

Nearly half of the 1000 people surveyed had stated that they’ve seen Holocaust denial or distortion posts on social media or elsewhere online.

I’ve always thought that denials of genocide—such as the Holocaust —were something that happened over time, with history slipping away and being re-written.

However, I never expected to be observing this in real time.

While initially the so-called “resistance” was celebrated by a subset of society, this soon turned into full-fledged denials of Hamas’ actions on Oct 7. Despite overwhelming evidence in the form of videos captured and shared by Hamas themselves and shared on Telegram channels and elsewhere, I would read and hear people claiming that they had only targeted Israeli military. Absurd claims emerged using supposedly ‘leaked’ footage where an Israeli helicopter shoots at Nova music festival goers. That video was viewed over 30 million times on X alone. The video, which was actually originally shared by the IDF on Oct 9, was showing their attacks on specific Gazan targets—certainly NOT indiscriminate bombings of music festival attendees in Israel. (Here’s a great thread that details how this piece of disinformation spread and geolocation information that further confirms that the claim is fake).

I’ve heard countless denials of the rapes of women (and men), despite overwhelming evidence in the form of physical evidence, forensics, and a number of witness testimonies. Women’s rights groups, meanwhile, remained silent—thus offering a vacuum for denialists to fill. Proponents of “me too” also stayed silent. Worse, the University of Alberta Sexual Assault Centre’s director signed an open letter calling Hamas perpetrating “sexual violence” an “unverified accusation.” It took UN Women nearly two months to issue a lukewarm condemnation of the brutal attacks. “We are alarmed by the numerous accounts of gender-based atrocities and sexual violence during those attacks,” they wrote, following a letter writing campaign urging them to speak up. Better late than never though, right?

The roughly 40 dead babies claim was debunked as a lie. At least that’s what people on social media now declare as fact, citing a Haaretz investigation.

“Haaretz investigation EXPOSES all the ISRAELI LIES from October 7th just like I predicated (sic),” reads the post of one particularly large disinformation account.

These claims persisted despite Haaretz directly addressing that post and calling it “blatant lies” and insisting that it “absolutely no basis in Haaretz’s reporting.”

The denials continued regardless of the fact that a group of 200 forensic pathologists from all over the world had confirmed that babies were indeed murdered and that some babies were found decapitated, though it was unclear whether this was done before or after death. First responders also corroborated that they witnessed beheaded infants. Regardless of decapitation, these were babies, murdered.

The forensic pathologists also confirmed that humans were executed, bound and burned alive. Israeli police have over 1,000 statements related to the attack.

When some of the hostages were released, Hamas supporters claimed that the hostages enjoyed being held by them, that they hardly wanted to leave. That this was like a pleasant vacation for them, that’s all. Like sipping piña coladas by the beach. In fact, they would state that they were more concerned about their safety in Israeli hands. They even concocted stories of love affairs between a hostage who was shot in the leg and a Hamas captor. A sick and twisted take on reality where up is down, cats are dogs, and denial is truth. They dismissed the reality that many of these hostages watched their loved ones get murdered in front of them, and still had relatives being held in captivity. The hostages were also administered Clonazepam by Hamas, a mood-enhancing tranquilizing drug, before handing them over to the Red Cross, so that they would appear “happy.”

Meanwhile, the Yale Daily News published a correction of an opinion column stating that the “allegations had not been substantiated.”

The denials go on and on, and I can’t help but feel like I’m watching a version of Holocaust denial, except this time it’s happening in real time—not years after the fact. And this time, it has a Wi-Fi connection and a social media account.

The conditions for this were ripe. Moral relativism is why just several weeks ago, Gen Z embraced Bin Laden's 'Letter to America.' It has been building up for years across college campuses, a breeding ground for ideologies that support violent means to achieve political gains.

The perceived power dynamics play a role here too. In the eyes of many, the Israelis are seen as a superpower whereas the Palestinians, and by extension Hamas, are seen as underdogs. In their view, the underdog is always right because it is the victim, and the “power” is the oppressor. So how can the oppressor be a victim?

Israelis, despite the majority of the population being Mizrahi Jews, as well as 20% Arabs (who were also victims on Oct 7), have been framed as “white colonizers,” vs the Palestinians who are seen as “POC” in the context of this conflict. Never mind that Jews, including Ashkenazi Jews, can be traced back to the land through DNA, archaeological evidence, and historical documents.

An overall distrust for media is another factor, which has resulted in individuals taking the word of random influencer accounts as gospel over traditional media outlets. According to Gallup polls, Americans’ trust in media is near a record low. Only 34% of US adults have a “great deal” or “fair amount” of confidence as of 2022. This is a major hindrance to our sensemaking abilities.

And then, of course, there’s cognitive dissonance. When a group identifies so closely with the perpetrator and they commit heinous acts, confronting that fact happens to be uncomfortable. So, in an attempt to reduce that discomfort, they rationalize or deny the evidence. This means that they accept only evidence that supports their existing beliefs, while placing unreasonable demands on the other side.

But none of these factors would have gained as much traction if it weren’t for something that didn’t exist during the Holocaust: social media. This is the engine that helps drives this real-time historical revisionism and denialism. According to 2021 data from Pew Research, over 70% of Americans get their news via social platforms. A Reuters Institute report from 2023 found that 30% of respondents use social media as the main way to get their news.

We have a society that consumes sound-bites of information, both truth and lies (as well as lies based on grains of truth).

Social media algorithms—combined with human nature—tend to amplify outrageous untruths, which spread widely. Corrections, never make it as far as the original lie. They are just a faint hum.

Throughout the Israeli-Gaza war, we’ve seen AI generated images and bots used to paint a specific narrative—for evocative, emotional effect. But technologically sophisticatication isn’t a prerequisite for painting false narratives. Many “influencers” have taken to using existing images or videos and attaching misleading headlines to them—including sharing content that captures events in Syria while presenting it as taking place in Gaza. These networks of influencers have large reach, and can turn even the most blatant lie into a revisionist truth.

Researchers for Freedom House, a non-profit human right advocacy group, found that generally at least 47 governments have used commentators to manipulate online discussions in their favor, either via humans or bots. They’ve also recruited influencers to help spread false and misleading content, and have created fake websites that mimic actual media publications. Then there’s always Russia’s propaganda arm RT, and various other publications like Al Jazeera and Quds who have direct ties to Hamas and/or other Islamic regimes.

All of this has contributed to narrative confusion, and the erasure of unspeakable acts of brutality, and the denial of the facts of October 7, right before our very eyes.

If we cannot even share a common reality, how can have any hope of resolving anything?

“Never again” is happening now."

[brattsun]

dabi x f!reader, hawks x f!reader: social media alternate universe

summary: you're a journalist trying to get to the bottom of the death of your childhood friend, Todoroki Touya, when you find yourself caught between your future and your past.

a/n: frank discussion of the things endeavor's canonically done, spoilers for MHA, allusions to domestic abuse, a touch darker than your average smau but I won't be glamourizing it. also i think this concept has probably been done before, but I'm excited to try and do something unique with it. feel free to send me an ask if you want to be on the taglist.

there will be smut, so Minors DNI

masterlist | next 

It’s late. Every time you leave the archive to go to the bathroom you reactivate the motion sensitive lights, a reminder that very few people were in city hall. You’re surrounded by papers, having dug through the archives every night this week, in search of a story you’re sure will be earth shattering. You’re so buried in your work that when you hear a crash down the hallway you let out a dramatic gasp, leaving both your press badge, and your cell phone on the table as you stand up and peer into the darkness.

Dabi steps out from his hiding place, taking his filched smartphone out of his pocket, and glances at your notes as the clicking of your heels on the linoleum gets farther and farther away. 

His heart hammers, he knew he was unrecognizable but you, you had the same face of concentration, the same wisps of your hair falling in your face when you read, the same nervous tics as when you’d been nothing more than a girl. The gap between your front teeth might have been gone, but he was absolutely sure of who you were, even before he stalked up to your table and snapped a picture of your press badge, glancing at your notes.

“Hello,” He hears you call, far away from him, and your voice sends shivers up his spine, “Is anyone here?” He takes a split second, and makes a decision, you’d left your phone unlocked, and he texts himself from it, deleting the message immediately so that you’ll have no record of the contact, and takes your uncapped pink highlighter, running the tip over one phrase.

What happened to Todoroki Touya?

You come back after a few minutes, assured that you’re alone, and then gasping again, when you realize someone’s highlighted a phrase in your notes. Dabi watches you as he scoots back into the darkness behind shelves of files, grinning as you pull a taser from your bag. 

“Seriously, come out, I’ll,” you look around you and take a deep breath, your hands trembling, “If you know something, I, I just want to find the truth.” There’s silence except for the low hum of the basement dehumidifier. “Fuck,” you run your fingers through your hair, “Fuck I need to cut back on caffeine, it’s making me crazy.” You laugh a little, and flick the taser off, putting it back in your purse. You gather your things, trying to convince yourself you remembered highlighting the phrase yourself, and you’re about to leave the building when your phone buzzes.

You glance down at your phone and your heart breaks into a sprint.

On a rooftop across the street, Dabi chuckles out loud at your naivety.

You shiver on the steps of city hall, heart pounding as you hold your phone in shaking hands.

Hawks lands in front of you, flipping his tinted goggles up onto his head and grinning. 

“What’s gotcha so jumpy?” He asks, holding out an arm. 

“This story.” You shudder. “I can’t talk about it, but um,” you swallow. “It feels dangerous, like more dangerous than anything I’ve ever worked on?” 

“Then don’t work on it.” He says. “I mean, are people going to die if you don’t report on it?” 

“People may have already died.” You say softly, and he looks at you sharply.

“If I needed to know, you’d tell me?” 

“I promise.” There’s a quiet earnestness in your voice, and that power, born of naivety, is 

The thing that’s got Hawk’s heart pounding in his chest. 

“Can I fly you home, sweetheart?” He asks and you cock your head at him. “It’s just faster,” he grins wearily, “I’m uh, I’m tired. Long day.” You nod and Hawks picks you up easily, cradling your body to his chest, trying to hide how excited he is to hold you close to him. 

On the rooftop, Dabi grinds his teeth. Of course, you’d be in with Hero Commission's resident bitchboy. It wouldn’t stop him, though, just made everything more complicated.

[jessikahathaway]

Baby Talk - Part II

Pairing: Jikook X Reader (Jimin X Reader X Jungkook)

Genre: Surrogacy!AU, Polyamorous!AU, Romance. (Future Smut)

Warnings: Profanity, medical procedures, pining (Like a stupid amount but what can ya do), Joon and Jin get protective, mentions of pregnancy symptoms. (If I forgot anything please let me know!)

Words: 10.5k (I guess I'm committing to long chapters lol)

You’d hit the four week mark, and not much had happened yet.

Despite you feeling like your hormones were on a swing.

Jimin was bewildered when he came into the bathroom to find you crying on the floor. Trying to comfort you went downhill quickly because soon you were mad that he was joking around. Then you were crying again, apologizing for being so harsh.

Up and down and up and down.

But they never got mad at you. Never yelled at you and never ignored you. But you forced your emotions down deep into your heart. A place that would be locked and the key thrown away. Because you knew what was happening, and it simply couldn’t happen.

It was late and you could feel your stomach begging for something to eat. You’d gotten really hungry lately, no doubt your body trying to accommodate for the new life you were growing inside of you.

So, you hurried to the kitchen under the guise of night and made some rice and a little bit of stir fry. You put together everything, making sure not to make too much, and started cooking.

It was around three in the morning when you sat down at the table and ate your food, looking through your phone with a bored expression. Nothing interesting on social media and YouTube videos were only entertaining for so long. So, you ate your food and cleaned up before starting to head back towards your room.

Then, a large flash went off in the sky, causing you to jolt and look out into the city. Rain was pelting against the window, sounding sharp to your ears. It was a little intimidating.

Then the loud crash of thunder rang through the house.

You yelped at the noise, covering your ears in fear. You’d never particularly liked thunderstorms, but this one was coming in hot and aggressive. You pulled your hands away from your ears, just trying to focus on getting back to your room when another flash lit up the room. Your heart was hammering in your chest and you started to sweat.

Before you could think too much about it you were knocking on Jungkook and Jimin’s door. Another crash of thunder roared through the house and you swear you felt the floor shake. You whimpered in fear and fidgeted with the hem of your shirt. Did they hear you? Or was the storm too loud? Should you go in? What if they weren’t decent?

Jimin had said you could go in if something was wrong...

But did being scared of a thunderstorm count?

FLASH.

BANG.

You couldn’t take it anymore and you burst through the door with tears in your eyes. Fear causing you to shake violently.

Jimin and Jungkook both bolted up in bed at the sound of the door slamming open, and were out of bed instantly at the sight of you shaking on the floor.

“Y/N? What’s going on? Are you alright? Are you hurt?” Jungkook’s worried voice echoed in your ear.

“She’s trembling,” Jimin said, rubbing your back.

“I-I I’m sc-”

FLASH.

BANG.

You cried and flung your arms around Jungkook’s neck, burying your face in his chest, tears streaming down your face as you shook violently. Jungkook looked at Jimin in shock and a little bit of his own fear, but Jimin just took his hand and placed it on your head.

‘Comfort her,’ Jimin mouthed.

Jungkook nodded before rubbing your hip soothingly.

“What’s wrong Y/N? Is it the storm?” He asked, bringing his other hand to your shoulder.

“Y-Yes,” you whimpered, keeping your face buried in Jungkook’s neck.

“It’s alright, Jimin and I got you. You’ll be safe,” Jungkook promised.

Jimin rubbed soothing circles onto your back as the two of them tried to ease your frantic heart. Both of them knowing it can’t be good for the baby. But, also, on you. The stress of carrying a baby was already a lot, the fear of this thunderstorm wasn’t a good addition.

Soon, you had cried yourself to sleep.

Jimin took you in his arms, picking you up and Jungkook followed after him as they headed for your room.

The couple laid you down in bed, brushing your face tenderly. Jungkook watched as Jimin covered you up, bringing the sheets right up under your chin. He smiled at the soft pout on your lips, he wondered if the baby would have your cute pout.

Jimin, moved your hair away from your eyes, tucking it behind your ear gently. When he was certain you were settled he took Jungkook’s hand and headed back to their bedroom.

“God, that scared the fuck out of me,” Jungkook said, sitting down on the side of the bed.

“Me too,” Jimin agreed, rubbing his face in exhaustion.

“Didn’t know she was that scared of storms, makes me want to beat up the sky for scaring her like that,” Jungkook said, frowning.

Jimin laughed lightly, but kissed his boyfriend lovingly. “I know you would if you could, or at the very least, sue it,” he snorted.

“Ooh, yeah, that could work,” Jungkook said.

“I’d never seen her like that, so vulnerable. She always puts up such a tough exterior,” Jimin said, biting his lip.

“Yeah, maybe it shows that she’s starting to trust us. I can’t imagine how hard it must be to live with two people who are kinda strangers to her,” Jungkook said, feeling awkward.

“Well, maybe we can fix that,” Jimin reasoned.

“What do you have in mind my stunningly attractive boyfriend?” Jungkook asked, leaning forward.

“Mmm, let’s take her shopping. Spoil her a bit, you’ve got more zeros in your bank account than I can count on all of my fingers. She’s gonna need maternity clothes anyways. Imagine her all dressed in Gucci and Prada while walking around pregnant with our baby,” Jimin said, appearing to be day dreaming himself.

“That would be... nice... To spoil her, show her we care about her well being and everything,” Jungkook nodded in agreement.

“Let’s do it,” Jimin said, gripping Jungkook’s hands.

“Okay, yeah!”

Unfortunately for the couple, you appeared to be hating every second of this shopping excursion.

“Y/N! Come on,” Jungkook said, walking with Jimin’s hand interlocked with his.

“Coming, coming,” you sighed, following after them.

“Y/N? Are you alright? Do you need a break?” Jimin asked, stopping to take a look at you.

“Yeah, I’m fine. Just, sleepy,” you grumbled.

The boys had effectively cut off your caffeine intake as of late, and it was showing. You were more exhausted than ever, just wanting to sleep the day away, but the two men wanting to hear nothing of it today. Normally they would’ve just let you sleep, but, today was a different story.

Jimin bit his lip and looked at Jungkook with concern.

You didn’t seem to be having fun at all.

What was the point in spoiling you if you were just gonna wind up pissed off at the end of it? But maybe you just hadn’t found something you wanted yet. Jimin didn’t want to lose faith so early on, but you really were in a grumpy mood today.

Jungkook pointed out several different kinds of stores, suggesting different ones and you merely told them that whatever they wanted was fine. Feeling defeated already, Jimin told Jungkook to pick a store and maybe you’d find something you wanted in there.

Soon, you were in some high end designer store, looking around with a bored expression on your face. Most girls loved when you spoiled them, wanting nothing more than to have free reign with a credit card and a whole shopping mall. But you looked so fragile and out of place in this big store.

Jungkook looked around and found some things he wanted, Jimin too, but you were still sitting on the bench, head in your hand and looking tired.

The couple looked at each other, wondering what in the world they could do to make you smile. All they wanted to do was spoil you, make you feel better...

“Are you two with the young lady over there,” the store attendant asked, pointing at you with genuine curiosity.

“Ah, yes, she’s with us,” Jimin confirmed.

“I take it she’s not really into the whole shopping experience,” the attendant said, and the couple nodded sadly.

“We just wanted to spoil her, take her out and get her stuff she wanted. But it looks like she’d rather die than be here right now,” Jungkook said, frowning.

“Well, what are some things that she likes?” The shop attendant asked.

“Books,” both of them said quickly.

The attendant laughed at them softly, nodding.

“My wife is a fan of books too, sometimes I wonder if she likes them more than me. But, you said you want to spoil her right? Tell her that, explain what you’re doing, sometimes that helps,” he offered.

Jimin nodded, looking over at your sleepy figure in the corner of the store.

“It’s worth a shot,” he said.

The pair thanked the shop attendant for his time and headed towards you.

You looked up and tried to give the couple a smile, but it looked awkward and forced, making them frown even more. Jungkook sat down next to you, and Jimin kneeled in front of you.

“Y/N, do you know why we forced you out of your blankety cocoon today?” Jimin asked, looking at you with curiosity.

“You said you wanted to take me shopping,” you said, gazing back at him.

“Exactly, we wanted to take you shopping. Not just shop for ourselves and drag you around. We want to spoil you, give you whatever you want. All you have to do is ask and you can have it, Y/N, money isn’t an issue here,” Jimin said.

Biting your lip you felt yourself get uncomfortable. “I-I don’t really like being spoiled, you know? I um... It makes me feel weird,” you said, rubbing your neck.

“The last thing we wanted to do was make you upset,” Jungkook said, biting his lip.

“No I’m not upset I just feel awkward,” you explained.

“Oh, there’s no need to feel awkward Y/N, it’s just us,” Jimin reassured.

“People keep staring at us, like I’m some lame friend third wheeling on a date,” you sighed, rubbing your face.

Jimin and Jungkook both swallowed hard.

They hadn’t realized people were staring. But it would make sense, Jimin and Jungkook were known in the city and suddenly a girl is walking around with them? That did seem a bit odd. They were also regulars in this mall and no doubt the staff were looking too.

God, they had messed this whole day up.

“Oh Y/N, we’re sorry,” Jungkook said, pressing his hands to his face.

“Sorry? Sorry for what?” You asked, turning to look at him with confusion.

“Not including you,” Jimin explained.

“There’s no need to include me-” you started when Jungkook cut you off quickly.

“Yes there is, you’re carrying our baby, we want you to feel comfortable and safe. Not ignored and shut out, that’s not fair to you,” he said, brushing his hair away from his face.

“Yeah, we want you to have whatever you want. As long as it isn’t unhealthy for you or the baby,” Jimin said.

“This isn’t about flexing or whatever on other people, this is about you. And what you want,” Jungkook said.

“Well,” you said, worrying your lip with your teeth.

“Yes?” Jimin said, leaning forward.

“It’s, well, I guess some new clothes wouldn’t be bad. I’ll need maternity stuff,” you told them.

“Yes! Absolutely! We can do that!” Jimin said, standing up and pulling you with him.

However, it was a little too fast for you, causing your head to spin. Jungkook was steadying you with his warm palms on your waist, Jimin keeping you upright with his hands around your wrists.

“Sorry Y/N! I-I wasn’t thinking and I got so excited, sorry,” Jimin frowned at himself.

“It’s alright,” you said, not wanting him to be upset over something that didn’t really matter.

“I need to be more gentle with you, you’re carrying our baby for Christ sakes,” Jimin huffed.

You nodded, noticing the stern look on Jimin’s face. Licking your dry lips, you looked down at your feet. You were only a month along so you couldn’t really see anything yet. But knowing there was a life inside of you made you feel a little flutter in your chest every time you thought about it.

However, you needed to get that under control.

This wasn’t your baby.

And that’s just how it was going to be.

Jimin and Jungkook had managed to drag you into a designer store for mothers apparently, because everything in here looked like it was worth a fortune. How were you supposed to pick something and wear it when you were afraid it was gonna get dirty? For fucksake you were almost certain they would be ruined by the end of this pregnancy.

“Ooh! Y/N, pink is your color,” Jimin smiled, holding up a rose colored blouse at you.

Looking down you saw small daisies printed on the shirt as well. It was cute, you had to give him that. You agreed to try it on, but only if he promised not to show you the price tag. Jimin nodded quickly.

Jungkook came around the corner, carrying a couple different articles of clothing. Mainly dresses, as they would be a comfortable and easy choice. But there were some skirts and blouses in his arms too. After finding the ones you liked the three of you were sent to the dressing rooms.

Jimin and Jungkook waited outside on the bench, demanding a fashion show from you. You rolled your eyes, but didn’t say no before you headed in and tried on a couple of outfits.

You walked out and did a little spin every time, Jungkook and Jimin giving their opinions. Which were always small claps with whistles accompanying them.

Then you walked out in a shorter green sundress that you had managed to grab on the shelf without looking at the tag, thank God. It was green with splashes of turquoise and white that made your eyes pop beautifully. There was a cutout at the top that showed a little bit of cleavage but it wasn’t an insane amount. Nothing you thought anything of anyways.

It came to your knees, and it was generous with the room in it. No doubt when you were showing it would come up to your mid thigh. Fluffing your hair you walked out and smiled at the boys. Jungkook’s eyes trailed down your body. This was the first non maxi dress you’d tried on, even the skirts had been considerably modest. So, they were getting the first glimpse at your skin.

Jimin was stunned.

You were absolutely gorgeous. A vision.

Legs looking gorgeous and long, skirt fluttering around your knees but Jimin couldn’t help imagine you when you were showing a little more. Would it ride up higher? Clearing his throat he smiles at you.

“It looks really good, Y/N, I didn’t pick this one. Did you Kook?” Jimin said, turning to his boyfriend, who seemed to still be in a stupor.

“Jungkook?” You said, looking at the doe eyed man with a little bit of worry pinching your features.

“Yes? No, it-you look amazing Y/N, did you pick this out?” He asked you.

“I did, yeah,” you answered.

“Little sneak, do you really want to stop our hearts?” Jimin teased.

Blushing you brushed your hair behind your ear and stared at your shoes. Jungkook looked at you with so much longing it made Jimin’s heart stammer. Not out of jealousy, but something else. Jimin shook the thought from his head.

Soon you were all settled back in the car, several shopping bags in the back. Jimin and Jungkook had requested a driver today, wanting to just enjoy the experience. So, the driver dutifully drove while the three of you sat in the back.

You looked out the window and watched scenery pass you by. Jimin and Jungkook looked at you, each with a similar look on their face and similar feelings in their chest. But neither of them were brave enough to admit it to themselves. Not when they almost had everything they’ve ever wanted, or what they thought they wanted...

Getting out of the car, Jimin asked the driver to have the bags delivered up to their apartment. The driver nodded before disappearing.

The three of you made your way up to the apartment, but not before Jimin and Jungkook spilled that they had a surprise for you. Looking at them with a menacing glare, Jungkook broke first as you three made it into the entryway of the apartment.

“It’s nothing crazy, just... We didn’t want you feeling like the third wheel or, you know, not a part of this. You are just as important to us as the baby you are carrying, and while you’re with us we want you happy and... so we got you this,” Jungkook said, holding out the signature blue box that made your stomach churn with how much it must’ve cost.

“Please, don’t ask how much it cost. It doesn’t matter as long as it makes you happy,” Jimin whispered.

Slowly, you opened the box and a beautiful moon pendant sparkling in diamonds and white gold stared at you. You damn near dropped the thing because of how gorgeous it was. Jungkook and Jimin froze on the spot when they saw tears starting to fall down your face.

“Do you not like it?” Jimin asked.

“Is it too much? Did we go overboard?” Jungkook worried.

“N-No, it’s beautiful,” you said, touching the pendant with a delicate finger.

“Do you want to put it on?” Jungkook asked, hoping to God that you didn’t throw this pendant back in their faces.

“Yes, please,” you said, handing Jungkook the back and brushing your hair out of the way so he had access.

Slowly, you watched as the beautiful moon swung just above your cleavage, kissing your chest lightly. It was fastened behind your neck and you turned around, looking at the two men with a bright smile on your face.

Then, they held up their wrists.

A sun and a star.

You looked and saw it was all a matching set.

“You guys, you really,” you said, smiling softly.

“Honestly, Y/N, you’re our equal in this. You aren’t just a womb we’re renting,” Jimin said. “You’re a person, with wants and feelings and we want you to feel that. More than anything, we want you happy and safe.”

“We’re so thrilled you chose us, seriously. If there’s anything you want, anything you need, name it, we’ll get it for you. Scouts honor,” Jungkook said, holding up his hand.

Feeling an overwhelming sense of emotion, more tears ran down your cheeks, making you sniffle and wipe at them with irritation. You didn’t want to cry right now, you were happy! Now, you just looked like a snotty red mess.

“Aw, don’t cry Y/N!” Jungkook said, coming forward to wipe your tears.

“God you guys are such turds, making me cry all the time,” you sniffled.

“It’s not our fault!” Jimin said.

“It is very much your fault,” you said, holding your stomach gently.

A rush of air left the two of them at you doing something so maternal. It made Jungkook’s blood burst into flames, and Jimin had to swallow a moan at the knowledge of you being pregnant with his baby. You cocked your head to the side and looked at the two silent men.

“Okay, well... Thanks for today you two... I’m glad I got to be spoiled a little bit. I’m gonna go take a shower, are we ordering out for dinner tonight?” You asked. They were still silent and you wondered what the fuck broke them when Jimin blinked rapidly a few times before clearing his throat.

“Y-You’re welcome, if you want to go again just tell us and we can,” he said, fighting to keep his calm exterior.

“Okay, I’m gonna go take a shower then,” you said again, taking off towards the stairs.

Jungkook damn near collapsed on the floor when you were finally gone.

“Jesus,” he said, panting hard.

“Do you, do you feel it too?” Jimin asked, gazing at the area where you had been standing.

“Yeah,” Jungkook croaked.

“Fuck what’s wrong with us? She’s here for us to care for her, to nurture her, not use her like some object,” Jimin said, running his hands through his hair in frustration.

Jungkook rubbed his shoulders, trying to soothe his boyfriend’s frantic thoughts. He agreed. You weren’t someone for them to use and abuse... You were the mother of their child and you deserved to be respected. But God if the thought of you didn’t send their minds spiraling.

“I know... We just gotta tough it out I guess. What else can we do?” Jungkook reasoned.

“I don’t know Kook, I don’t know,” Jimin said, gripping his boyfriend’s hand tightly.

—

The six week mark came and so did the morning sickness. To start, it was just waves of nausea, but soon it turned into full blown vomiting.

It was around seven in the morning and you had barely slept a wink. You felt jittery and restless, unable to relax. But when you sat up to head to the kitchen for something to eat, your stomach flipped. Soon, you were in the bathroom getting sick in the toilet.

Shortly you heard a knocking at the door.

“Y/N? Sweetie are you alright?” Jimin’s worried voice echoed through the door.

“Yeah,” you wheezed, trying to keep yourself from hurling again.

“Can I come in?” His light tone echoed through the room.

“Yeah,” you said, feeling another rush of nausea washing over you as he comes in. You looked and saw his worried face come into focus.

“Oh sweetheart,” Jimin said, rubbing your back as you got sick once more.

“Jimin? Y/N?” Jungkook’s voice echoed in the apartment.

“We’re in the bathroom Kook!” Jimin yelled.

Shortly Jungkook’s footsteps came into the bathroom. He was frowning, knowing you must be uncomfortable and there wasn’t much he could do for you. Watching Jimin rub your back gave him a sense of comfort however.

You were struggling with your chest being tender also. Every time you moved against the toilet you felt a jolt of pain go down your spine. Wincing when you came back up, Jimin had gotten you a little cup of water. You swished the cool liquid around before spitting it out and standing up slowly, per Jimin’s instructions.

You brushed your teeth and told the boys you were alright. They left and you did the rest of your morning routine. Jimin came back into your room and asked if you were ready for breakfast. You nodded and let Jimin lead you to the kitchen table. Jimin, taking note of your poor start to the day, asked if you wanted anything in particular for breakfast. Thinking back you really enjoyed the Nutella and banana toast he made for you a while back.

He nodded and started the toaster quickly. Jungkook had been working overtime recently and had to leave shortly after your bathroom incident. Soon, two pieces of Nutella toast with bananas were placed in front of you.

But the second the smell of banana hit your nose, you were scrunching up your face in disgust. Jimin looked at you with confusion. Then it dawned on him: food sensitivity.

Quickly removing the plate he asked if anything else sounded good, and you came up with the weird combination that was scrambled eggs with cream cheese.

Jimin looked on with a light smile on his face as you scarfed down the eggs and cream cheese without a single nose scrunch. It always made him happy to see you eating. Keeping up your health for the sake of the baby and you made him happy.

Soon, you were done and Jimin had gone into the living room to watch some TV when you noticed him sitting there. Lounging on the couch was a normal thing, but, looking at him now you-you couldn’t put your finger on it. He just looked so good, sitting there. He’d recently redid his hair so it was a beautiful blond color. His eyes wandered from the television to you, standing there in your loose t-shirt and pajama shorts.

He licked his lips for a moment, but that was all it took for you.

The flash of his tongue made you slightly weak in the knees, causing you to grip the edge of the table for support. Jimin seemed to mistake this for a more serious problem as he was up in a matter of seconds to come to your side.

“Y/N? What’s the matter?” He asked, looking at you with concern.

“I-I’m good,” you said, giving him a thumbs up. “I think I just ate too fast.”

Jimin mulled this over in his head for a moment before nodding and stepping back.

“As long as you’re okay,” he said, heading back towards the couch.

But your symptoms weren’t just limited to food sensitivity, morning sickness and random bouts of arousal, oh no... The best one was the nightmares that had taken over your sleep schedule.

Normally they were just vague things that you forgot about when you woke up. But they were becoming more vivid. More, unsettling.

You were dreaming being in pools of blood, sometimes it was yours, sometimes it belonged to the boys. Sometimes you didn’t know where it came from, but it was always there. Never to be washed away, only to drown in...

You were caught up in the throes of a particularly bad nightmare...

You’d miscarried and lost the baby, Jimin and Jungkook were heartbroken and left you bleeding out on the floor as you stared up into the ceiling, dying.

The room was tilted and everything was wobbly.

You tried to go after them, to ask for another chance. But it was too late, they were gone.

Screaming, you bolted up in your bed. Tears flowing down your cheeks at a rapid rate. Your heart was hammering in your chest so loud you swore you could feel it in your throat.

You heard the slamming of a door and soon Jimin and Jungkook barged into your room, looking around frantically until they found you on your bed, shaking and crying into your hands.

“Y/N!” They yelled, going to your sides and trying to get you to talk to them.

“Sweetie, what happened? Why did you scream?” Jimin asked, petting your hair trying to soothe you.

“I-I had a nightmare, I-I lost the baby and, then lost you two,” you whimpered, covering your face again.

Jungkook swallowed thickly, the image of you crying being burned into his memory. He hated seeing you like this. It hurt him to see you so distraught. Jimin, too, was struggling with your emotions. He just wanted you happy and healthy, free from any worry and troubles of the real world. But of course, he couldn’t protect you from everything and everyone. No matter how much he wanted to.

“Y/N, it’s okay. We’re right here, we aren’t going anywhere,” said Jungkook. You were crying violently, looking at the bed spread with blurred vision. Jimin looked at Jungkook with worry written all over his features, your smaller frame sat shaking in the bed as the two males tried to comfort you.

Jungkook hesitantly reached out to wipe the tears from your face. You looked up at the man with puffy cheeks and swollen eyes, before glancing back down at your lap.

“You aren’t going to lose us, Y/N,” Jimin reassured.

“I’m scared,” you whispered, so broken that it had both of their eyes tearing up at the sound.

“It’s alright, we’re scared too,” Jimin said, patting your hair gently. “But we’ll get through this.”

“There was so much blood,” you whimpered, biting your lip trying to keep the sobs from coming out.

“Y/N,” Jungkook said, feeling his eyes burning with unshed tears of his own.

“I was dying and you just... left me there,” you confessed.

“We could never leave you just like that Y/N, ever,” Jimin said, sounding shocked.

“We’d never forgive ourselves if something happened to you,” Jungkook whispered.

Jimin grabbed his hand, rubbing his fingers over the knuckles. He knew seeing you like this was hard on both of them, and knowing how much you truly didn’t think they cared was also hurtful. Because all they wanted was to tell you you didn’t have to leave... But it couldn’t work like that.

Jimin’s work as a high end therapist was already wobbly because of his relationship with Jungkook. As unfortunate as it is, people didn’t want his help if he was dating a fellow man.

And Jungkook had already been shamed for his love publicly, the gossip forums on the newspaper and websites having a hay day with his image. He’d worked so hard to show he wasn’t any different than a straight man when it came to his work. But, the world is a cruel place, and social norms often reared their ugly heads with Jungkook.

They couldn’t drag you into that cesspool of nasty comments and uncomfortable encounters. It was a harsh reality, but it was the one you were all living in. And there wasn’t anything they could do about it.

Jungkook wanted to scream about how it was unfair. How you sitting here with them wasn’t wrong, as long as you all cared about one another, how could it be? But they both knew how this would end.

With you walking out of their lives and your child’s life, forever.

“I’m sorry for waking you up,” you hiccuped, swallowing down the rest of your tears.

“No, don’t be sorry,” Jimin said, rubbing your shoulder.

“If something’s wrong we want you to tell us,” Jungkook said, looking at you with misty eyes.

“I-I will,” you said, wiping your face.

“Are you going to be able to go back to sleep?” Jimin asked, looking at your state with concern.

“I should be able to,” you said, trying to convince yourself of the same thing.

“We can stay with you, until you’re asleep,” Jungkook offered before even thinking. Jimin’s head snapped to the younger male, who was already shrinking.

“W-Would you?” Your soft voice spoke up.

Jimin nodded finally, crawling into the bed with you and Jungkook following suit. They each took a hand and held it tightly. Jimin drew different shapes and patterns on your palm, making you giggle when it tickled. Jungkook interlocked your fingers together, running his thumb over your soft skin like Jimin did with him when he was nervous or scared.

Sooner, rather than later, you were passed out once more, hands clutching Jimin and Jungkook’s.

The men managed to untangle themselves from you as they went back to their room, hearts heavy. When the door shut, Jungkook burst into tears.

“Oh my sweet boy, don’t cry,” Jimin said, wiping his boyfriend’s cheeks carefully.

“Jimin,” he said, forehead resting on the older man’s shoulder.

“I know, it hurts me too,” Jimin whispered.

“I just want her to know that she’s not just a convenience, she’s so much more than that,” Jungkook whimpered.

“Yeah,” Jimin said, thinking of your body curled up on the couch with a good book and a warm drink next to you. Your smile when your favorite song comes on in the car. The way you’re already so protective over the baby.

“I don’t know if it’s because she’s carrying our baby or what, but, I want to be closer to her. I want to know everything about her... God I don’t know what to do with myself Jimin,” Jungkook complained, wiping at his tears in frustration.

“We just gotta keep it in our mind that she had a life before this, and she’ll have a life after it too. S-She’s doing this because we’re paying her Jungkook. Of course that isn’t the only reason but, it is the main one,” Jimin reminded his boyfriend, and himself.

Even though the words felt hollow in the air.

“I guess,” Jungkook said.

“You’ve got work early, we need to go back to bed,” Jimin said, motioning for Jungkook to get into bed as well. The two men cuddled up to each other, each feeling like something, or someone, was missing...

--

Faster than you thought possible, the ten week mark had come.

It was time to get your first ultrasound of the pregnancy.

The boys were over the moon about the whole thing. Excitedly chatting in the car.

“I hope we can see the baby well,” Jungkook said, driving carefully through the street.

Jimin hummed in agreement. “Me too, the baby is still super small right now. About the size of a prune but, we’ll still be able to see them on the screen. And, we can hear their heartbeat!”

You smiled at their excitement. Bringing your fingers up you brushed the pendant they gave you, a nervous habit you’d picked up shortly after their gifting it to you. Jungkook looked at you in the rearview, playing with the sparkling jewelry piece. It made his chest feel tight, looking at you. Jimin placed a hand on his, making Jungkook focus on him for a moment.

Jimin shook his head and Jungkook swallowed thickly, knowing exactly what he meant.

Soon, you were all at the clinic.

Jimin helped you out of the backseat, getting your bag and whatnot so you didn’t have to fuss with it. Jungkook placed a protective hand on your lower back, guiding you into the building.

You felt your heart flutter in your chest at the action, having to cover up your blushing with a cough. Jimin urged you to sit down while he got the paperwork, something you didn’t fight him on. You were exhausted as of late.

The boys reassured you it was normal to be tired. You knew, however, that you were a little more tired than normal. Briefly you wondered if it was because it was your first time and you’d never felt something like this. However, that didn’t sit right. You knew there was something going on, but you didn’t want to worry the boys. Especially since you were getting an ultrasound today.

Sitting next to Jungkook in the waiting room, he made small talk. Asking how you were feeling and if the morning sickness had gotten any better.

“It’s gotten worse,” you complained, leaning your head back in the seat.

“Really? Maybe we can ask the doctor to prescribe something for you,” he said.

“It should be going away soon, I’ll be alright,” you reassured, patting his knee.

“Sometimes it doesn’t go away until the baby is born, I just don’t want you to suffer if we can do something about it,” Jungkook said softly.

“If it gets too bad, I’ll say something. Okay?” You said, keeping a gentle smile on your face.

“Yeah, okay,” he agreed.

Jimin came back and took Jungkook’s hand, intertwining their fingers together. Jimin had a habit of tracing the tattoos on Jungkook’s hands when he was nervous, it made you smile.

Eventually a nurse called your name and led you back to the ultrasound room. Jungkook smiled and sat down in the chair provided. Jimin helped you up onto the table and the ultrasound tech went over what they would be looking for and opened it up for questions.

When no one had any, she proceeded.

“Okay, I just need you to pull the front of your pants down a little bit,” the tech asked, prepping the machine.

You immediately turned and looked at Jungkook and Jimin, then down at your stomach. It wasn’t a big deal, it was just a little bit anyways.

Without much more thought you pulled your pants so just the top of your panties were showing. Jungkook’s eyes widened at your actions, but he tried to keep a calm exterior. Jimin kept his eyes trained on the screen, not wanting you to feel uncomfortable.

The ultrasound gel was cold, making you jump when it came in contact with your skin. But soon it was warming to your skin and you all looked at the screen with rapt attention.

“Alright so we should see the head and curvature of the body, but other than that this is just to make sure that everything is looking good in the uterus and to see if there are any abnormalities with the baby-oh! Babies it appears,” the tech said, a big smile on her face.

“What?” Jimin said.

“There’s another head there, if you look right here,” she pointed at the screen. “Looks like you’ve got a set of twins in there!”

Jungkook’s eyes teared up, looking down at your stomach with his heart in his throat.

You were stunned.

Twins?

The first try?

Wow, you really did win the lottery.

“Oh my God,” Jimin said, hiding his face in Jungkook’s shoulder.

“Way to go, got those twins first try,” you said, trying to keep your nerves under control.

“It’s all thanks to you Y/N, we couldn’t do it without you,” Jungkook reminded.

“Are you guys going to want the pictures?” The tech asked. Jimin and Jungkook of course said yes.

“Wow, look at their heads babe!” Jimin yelped as you all walked out of the clinic together. Jimin was still cooing over the pictures of the twins from the ultrasound.

“I need to put it in my wallet,” he said, bringing out the accessory shortly after.

You smiled at their excitement. You were beyond happy, you’d done it. Gave them the twins they desperately wanted. First try too. You knew that meant a few more complications, but, you didn’t want that to hold too much weight over you.

“We should call Namjoon and Jin! Tell them the news about the twins!”

You nodded quickly, wanting to tell your friends the update.

Namjoon and Jin were thrilled, obviously. Insisting that they’ll give Annie to Jin’s parents for the night so you could all get together and have a meal. Agreeing, the boys set it up for around seven thirty.

“Dress nice! I also expect to see those ultrasound pictures!” Jin said through the phone.

You snorted and shook your head, gently touching your stomach. You felt a fluttering in your chest, like you were standing on the edge of a tall building or something. It made you gasp lightly, moving your hand away from your belly to your chest. Jimin seemed to notice your movement because he was turning around in his seat.

“Everything alright there?” He asked, looking at you with his beautiful brown eyes.

“Y-yeah, I’m good. We’re-good,” you said, pointing to your tummy. Jimin’s eyes lit up at the mention of the babies.

“Okay, tell me if you need anything,” he said, turning around and facing the front once more.

You all walked back into the apartment, Jungkook still gushing about everything. You simply smiled and went to go get ready for dinner.

Jin did say to look nice, so you picked out a few things from your shopping excursion a while back. Putting on a dress that looked skin tight but it was super stretchy, so no doubt you could wear it late into the pregnancy. The zipper on the back would be an issue but, it made you feel a little sexy. You hadn’t really done a lot in regards to your appearance around the boys, you didn’t see the need.

But, it wouldn’t hurt to do your hair and dress nicely...

You had the perfect shoes to pair with the dress. You grabbed some stockings and a few other small pieces of jewelry, placing them on the bed while you assembled everything together the way you wanted it.

Eventually, you were all set.

Except for the zipper on the back.

You didn’t understand why there was a zipper on such a stretchy dress, but fashion has its ways you guess. Reaching behind you proved unsuccessful. Quickly growing frustrated, you did the following without thinking.

“Jimin? Jungkook? Can one of you come here for a second please?”

Once the words were out, you immediately wished you could eat them.

But the damage had been done.

Both men walked in your room.

Jimin’s jaw dropped open, looking at you in awe.

You were in knee high stockings, low heels and a slinky black dress that hugged your body so perfectly it made him want to drop to his knees. Jungkook fared no better. Seeing your hair styled and a little bit of makeup on your features really enhanced your natural beauty. They both were staring, making you shrink in embarrassment.

“O-Okay, you can blink any time now,” you said, chuckling to ease the tension in the room.

“You look... wow,” Jimin breathed.

“Incredible. You look incredible,” Jungkook said, eyes trailing down your legs.

“Thank you, but, um... Could one of you please come zip me up? I can’t reach the zipper,” you said, turning your back to them fully.

Jungkook stared at his boyfriend with an almost agonized look on his face. Jimin nodded and walked forward, brushing your hair out of the way. Placing a gentle hand on your hip Jimin pulled the zipper up to the top, covering each inch of your beautiful skin.

Jungkook swallowed his noise of protest, trying to remember what Jimin had said. You weren’t an object for them to use, you were their surrogate. The woman who would be birthing their twins. And then leaving...

Jimin knew if Jungkook had walked forward to zip up your dress he wouldn’t be able to keep it together. Jimin wasn’t doing that hot either to be honest. Your hips flared out. Looking so beautiful hugged in the dress, and the warmth of your skin beneath his fingertips was... alarming.

“Thank you,” you said, turning around with a smile on your face.

Jimin couldn’t help but mirror your grin.

“Absolutely, are you ready to go now?” He asked, trying to keep from getting distracted any more.

“Yeah, let’s go! I want Jin to feed me so much I burst,” you said, heading towards the door. Once you were gone, Jungkook looked at Jimin.

“This is only getting harder,” Jungkook said, biting his lip.

“Are you going to be alright?” Jimin questioned, placing his hand on Jungkook’s shoulder.

“Yeah, just... This feels wrong,” Jungkook whispered.

“What feels wrong?” Jimin asked.

“Keeping her at arm's length, I just feel awkward. Pushing her away when she’s doing something so big for us, it’s really emotionally charged and... I feel like a jerk for treating her like just another person. Like she isn’t special,” Jungkook explained, brushing his hair out of his face.

“I understand,” Jimin said, trying to smooth the frown lines from Jungkook’s face.

“Boys? Are you coming?” Your voice echoed through the house.

“Coming!” Jimin said. “We’ll talk about this later, okay? We’ll figure this out.”

—

The dinner at Jin and Namjoon’s was beyond anything you’d expected.

There was so much food and honestly, you ate a lot. Lying back in your chair, tilting your head back you sighed. Rubbing your stomach unconsciously. But the boys noticed everything. Especially how amazing you looked in that outfit.

It was just about all they could do to keep their hands off of you. Jungkook was fidgeting the whole night, being the one who sat next to you. He really tried to keep his cool, but a man could only take so much.

“So, Y/N, how does it feel to be pregnant with twins?” Namjoon asked, taking a small bite of rice.

“Honestly? It’s not been a cake walk, let me tell you. My mood swings are everywhere, my chest is killing me, food is either a hit or miss and don’t get me started on how arou-ahem,” you froze at your brazen attitude. Jimin and Jungkook’s heads snapped at your statement, looking at you with masked emotions. “Sorry, got carried away. Anyways, it’s been wild. But, I’m really glad to be doing it, you know? The boys take good care of me,” you praised, smiling at the two of them now.

Namjoon noticed it first.

The twinkle in Jungkook’s eyes at your words. How genuinely happy he seemed listening to you talk. Jimin’s body language was always engaged with you, never closing off or making it appear like he wasn’t interested.

Namjoon’s eyes widened.

This would need to be discussed...

Soon, everyone was sitting in the living room, just digesting. When you got up and said you had to use the restroom.

When the men were alone, Namjoon attacked.

“What are you guys doing?” He asked, looking at the two younger men with worry in his features.

“What do you mean?” Jimin quizzed right back.

“Listen, I’ve been friends with Y/N for a long time. I really care about her and want only the best for her. I also want you guys to be happy and healthy and have your own family, so please don’t take what I’m about to say personally but-what the fuck?” He asked.

“What do you mean what the fuck?” Jungkook asked.

“Why are you looking at her like that?” Namjoon asked, feeling his frustration rise.

“Like what?!” Jimin argued.

“Like you-Like you, are all, like... a couple?” Namjoon said, feeling the awkward tension rising in the room.

“What?” Jungkook coughed.

“We aren’t together,” Jimin said slowly.

“But do you want to be?” Namjoon asked.

Jungkook broke first.

“I don’t know,” he whispered, placing his head in his hands. Jimin was quick to comfort the younger male, rubbing his back in big, soothing circles.

“It’s a new experience for us. We just want her to be happy and healthy and safe. You know, take care of her,” Jimin explained, skirting around the question.

“Of course, but, there’s a difference between appreciation and affection,” Jin said, speaking up.

“Y-Yeah, we know that,” Jimin answered. “I’m a therapist, I know what emotions are.”

Namjoon rolled his eyes.

“If you know what emotions are then why are you denying your own?” he asked.

“I’m not!”

“Bullshit,” Namjoon challenged.

“This is fucking ridiculous,” Jimin growled.

“What’s all the angry whispering out here for?” You asked, walking back into the room. The energy snapped within an instant.

“It’s alright, just a heated debate about politics,” Namjoon joked, giving you a tender smile.

“Oookay?” You said, coming back in to sit down next to Jungkook, who was trying his best to not squirm when your thigh brushed his.

The rest of the night moved rather calmly, but not without a fierce monopoly game that almost caused a few table flips. Jungkook wound up losing and threw a mini tantrum. But it was quickly smoothed over when you promised you’d bake him some cookies the next time he had a day off.

While Namjoon and Jin were cleaning up, Jungkook and Jimin discovered your sleeping frame on the couch once more. Breaths coming in even and slow, they smiled at you. Your lips were pouting lightly, something they’d discovered was a habit when you were sleeping.

And Jungkook adored it.

He came over to your side and tried to wake you up, but when you whined and fussed he decided it would just be easier to carry you to the car. Carefully, the strong young man lifted you into his arms and towards the door. Jimin got the rest of your things all together and they thanked Jin and Namjoon for the meal and night.

But before they left, Namjoon grabbed Jimin by the shoulder. Jungkook waited, looking back in worry. Jimin waved him on, saying he’d be there in a minute. Jungkook nodded before heading out the door.

“What?” Jimin asked.

“I’m sorry about earlier, I overstepped. I didn’t mean to offend you or Jungkook. It’s just, Y/N is very inexperienced when it comes to love and emotions and having that connection. I’m worried about what’s happening to her. I don’t want her to get her hopes up and be crushed later on,” he explained.

Jimin nodded his head.

“I accept your apology. I didn’t mean to fly off the handle either, Jungkook and I have been... Discussing it. But it’s not an easy thing to come to terms with, we aren’t sure what we feel for her... We know we care about her, but is it because she’s our surrogate and we want to care for her? Or is it something deeper? We don’t know,” Jimin sighed, running his fingers through his hair.

“Y/N is so special. She gives without thinking, she is so dedicated to those she cares about... she’d give the shirt off her back to someone she didn’t even know. It’s hard not to love her, but... she doesn’t deserve to be pulled in a million different directions either. But you all deserve to be happy, I’m always here if you need to talk,” Namjoon offered.

Jimin smiled lightly. “That’s normally my line.”

“You guys are good people, I wouldn’t have recommended Y/N do this if I didn’t trust you. But, just... please don’t take advantage of her heart. And don’t lie to yourselves either.”

Jimin nodded, looking down at the floor with a resolute nod.

“Thanks, both of you,” Jimin said, giving a small wave before heading out towards the car. Jungkook already had you buckled and settled in.

“What was that about?” Jungkook asked, getting into the front seat.

“He wanted to apologize for earlier, he felt like he overstepped. And, he wanted to explain why he was so defensive over Y/N,” Jimin said.

Jungkook nodded and started the car, taking off down the road.

“Why is he so protective? Did they like, date in the past or something?” Jungkook asked. Jimin shook his head.

“N-No, Y/N hasn’t ever had a boyfriend or girlfriend,” Jimin said, resting his head in his hand.

“What? Really?” Jungkook balked. Trying to think of how someone like you hadn’t ever been snatched up before. You were a total catch! But, you did tend to keep to yourself.

“Yeah, she told me about it the day she had her IUI done,” Jimin explained.

“Oh, so-wait. She’s having a baby when she’s never, like, had sex?” Jungkook said. “Is that safe?”

“I mean I’m sure it’s safe but, she’s not... Um, she told me she’s had sex before,” Jimin said.

“Wow, how did this all come up?” Jungkook asked.

“Well, she mentioned something about wanting someone who looked at her the way we look at each other,” Jimin blushed.

“She’s so cute,” Jungkook groaned. “Well, at least she’s been with someone before. You know, had that kind of pleasure.”

Jimin coughed, rubbing his neck. Jungkook looked at him weirdly.

“What?”

“She may have off-handedly mentioned that she’s never, uh... You know, finished,” Jimin flushed. Jungkook looked floored at the information.

“You mean to tell me, that some jerk took her virginity and didn’t fucking make it special? What a fucking tool bag,” Jungkook growled.

“I don’t know the story, she didn’t divulge that kind of information. I was the one who guessed she’s never finished, and she was pretty embarrassed about it all to be honest,” Jimin said.

“That is so frustrating,” Jungkook said.

“Yeah.”

The car was quiet, save for your soft little snores coming from the back seat.

“Did you hear what she said during dinner?” Jimin asked. “When she was talking about her pregnancy symptoms.”

“Yeah...” Jungkook trailed off.

“I wish we could do something for her, I feel so bad,” Jimin whispered.

“We can be there to support her but we can’t over step either,” Jungkook said.

“I know, normally I’m the one reminding you of that,” Jimin huffed.

“I understand it’s not easy for either of us,” Jungkook said softly.

“Maybe we just need a god romp in the sheets to get it out of our system hmm?” Jimin teased, running a hand up Jungkook’s thigh. Jungkook couldn’t help the hiss that came out of his mouth at the touch. They hadn’t really been active in that way since you’d come into the house.

“Y-You know how loud I get,” Jungkook said, swallowing hard.

“Oh I’m very aware how loud I can make you scream,” Jimin winked.

“Stop, I’m already hard,” Jungkook whined.

“I bet you are baby,” Jimin said, squeezing his boyfriend’s thigh tight.

“Stop, please,” Jungkook whined.

“Mmm,” Jimin said, not sensing that Jungkook really wanted him to stop. “And what if I keep going baby? What if I snuck my hand into your pants and tugged your pathetic little cock until you came huh? Make you come all over your expensive pants and make you lick it up?”

“Jimin,” Jungkook said, cock straining against his pants.

“Yes baby? What does my baby want, huh?” Jimin asked, so sweet... Almost dangerous.

“I-I want-”

“Mmm, are we home yet?” You voice perked up from the back seat.

“Y/N?” Jimin asked, turning to look at you. Your eyes were bleary from sleep and it was obvious you must’ve just woken up. Jungkook adjusted himself in the seat, trying to hide his throbbing erection from your sight.

“Yeah?” You said, blinking slow.

“Sweetie,” Jimin cooed, brushing a few strands of your hair back from your face, even though it was an awkward angle for him.

“Jungkook are you okay?” You asked, noticing how tense the young man’s posture was.

“I-I’m good,” he said, trying to hide his arousal.

“Okay,” you said, laying your head back down.

Jungkook pulled the car into the front slot of the building, handing the keys over to the valet. The two of them brought you out of the car and Jimin decided it was his turn to carry you up to the apartment. So, the three of you all made it to the apartment in silence.

You were awake, but you weren’t feeling too terribly chatty. Sleep still at the forefront of your mind. Jungkook and Jimin hadn’t spoken since you got out of the car, and you can’t help but feel like you were in the middle of something kinda intense. The charged feeling in the room making you shift against Jimin’s chest.

He looked down at you, trying to keep himself from jostling you too much. You were exhausted. But soon, you felt bile rising in your throat...

“Jimin put me down,” you said, holding your hand to the mouth. Just as he set you down you scrambled to the bathroom and threw up the massive dinner you’d eaten. Jimin and Jungkook were rushing right after you. Jungkook brought your hair away from your face. Jimin sat down next to him to rub your back.

You got to the point where you were just dry heaving into the toilet, but it didn’t seem to end.

“Oh fuck,” you croaked, coughing hard.

“You want some water?” Jimin asked.

“No, I’m scared I’ll just throw that up too,” you whined.

“It might be better than just dry heaving,” Jimin said.

“You got a point,” you huffed, trying to keep your head from spinning.

“I’ll get you some,” he said, moving off the floor to head towards the kitchen. Jungkook shuffled forward, kind of molding his front to your back. When you pushed a little too hard against him you felt it. Wondering what it could be for a moment you pushed back against him again, when he groaned in surprise.

“U-Um, Jungkook?” You squeaked.

“S-Sorry!” He said, moving away faster than the speed of light.

“I-It’s okay, just, you know,” you flushed.

“It’s not because of you! It’s not uh, I wasn’t um,” he stuttered.

“I-I didn’t think it was?” You said, more of a question.

“It’s not that you’re not pretty or anything it’s-”

“No, I get it,” you said, smiling weakly.

“Y/N-”

“Here’s your water,” Jimin said, bringing in a glass for you to drink.

You sipped it slowly. Not paying attention. Jungkook looked like he was going to die in the corner, which made Jimin shoot him a weird look. He just shook his head as he covered his face. Jimin made a mental note to question him about it later, but his concern was on you right now.

“Have you been getting sick a lot?” Jimin asked, placing a soft hand on your shoulder.

“I mean, it’s mainly in the morning. I think I just ate too much at dinner,” you said, pouting lightly.

“Gotcha, do you feel like you’re going to get sick again? Or do you think you’re done?” He asked.

“I-I think I’m good,” you said, putting the empty glass down.

“Are you sure?” Jimin asked, making you look at him.

“Mhmm,” you confirmed, eyes getting droopy again.

“Alright sleepyhead, brush your teeth and go to bed. Need help getting up?” Jimin worried, fussing over you like any father to be would.

You stood up slowly, mindful of your dizzy head. But, when you stood at the sink you felt everything kinda snap into focus. Jimin dragged Jungkook out of the bathroom to let you do your thing, but told you to come get them if you needed anything.

Hurrying into the bedroom, Jimin narrowed his eyes at his boyfriend.

“Why did you look like you’d rather crawl into an overflowing storm drain than be in that bathroom? What happened when I was getting water?”

Jungkook looked up at Jimin could see the embarrassment on his face. Sighing, Jimin sat down, placing his hand on his boyfriend’s back.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have teased you in the car. It’s just, been a while you know? I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable or anything,” Jimin apologized.

“Y/N felt it, my... When you moved me so you could get out of the bathroom to get her the water, she was pushed up against me. And, she pushed back against me and felt my dick against her,” Jungkook said, rubbing her face.

“Oh, that is... uh, awkward,” Jimin agreed.

“It gets worse,” Jungkook said.

“What do you mean?” Jimin asked.

“I-I told her it wasn’t because of her and then I tried to tell her it’s not that she wasn’t pretty and I just threw up a bunch of words that didn’t make sense and then you were back,” Jungkook whimpered.

Jimin sighed. Jungkook had never been a genius with words, but normally he was better than that. He knows that Jungkook is mortified, Jungkook wasn’t good at mingling or recovering from blunders of the social variety. So, Jimin just sighed and gave his boyfriend a gentle kiss.

“It’s okay Jungkook, Y/N isn’t gonna hold this against you,” Jimin soothed.

“I just feel terrible,” Jungkook said softly.

“Why? It was an accident,” Jimin reasoned.

“Because I-I didn’t want her to stop,” he swallowed. Jimin bit his lip and tried to keep his anger from spilling over.

“I don’t know how many times we have to talk about this Jungkook,” Jimin said.

“We were talking about it in the car! But we’ve never talked about what we want, what we’re doing now, it's not sustainable. I’m going crazy!” Jungkook yelled.

“Jungkook keep your voice down!” Jimin reminded.

“Jimin I’m so fucking confused, I don’t know what we’re doing. What I’m doing. I-I do know one thing for certain. I love those kids, so much, and they aren’t even here yet. I love them so much, because they’re ours... But... I can’t keep doing this. Getting closer only to rip myself away, it’s killing me Jimin. If you want me to walk away, I will but, I just can’t keep giving myself hope when there isn’t any,” Jungkook cried, tears falling down his cheeks.

“I-I didn’t know you were so broken up over this,” Jimin whispered.

“I’m so confused,” Jungkook whispered.

“I am too, I love you so much but... I feel this connection to her. I know it’s normal to be grateful, but, I know it’s more than that with her,” Jimin said, moving to give Jungkook a back hug.

“Then we need to make a decision,” Jungkook said.

“You want to pursue her as a part of our couple? Like, make her our girlfriend?” Jimin asked.

“Do you?” Jungkook asked back.

“I mean... I wouldn’t be opposed,” Jimin said softly.

“I don’t want this if you don’t,” Jungkook said, turning to look at Jimin with sparkling eyes.

“I want this... I want her, but, we need to give her some time, as well as ourselves to come to terms with this,” Jimin reasoned.

“Okay,” Jungkook agreed.

“But, when we’re both ready, we can approach her,” Jimin said.

“Would this be healthy to do? I mean, mentally,” Jungkook asked.

“Polygamous couples generally tend to have better communication than the average two person couples. And with one of us being a therapist I think we could manage. I-I want to work towards that,” Jimin confessed.

“I want this too,” Jungkook said excitedly.

“Then that’s what we’ll do...”

You laid in bed late into the night. You heard Jungkook and Jimin having a disagreement. You couldn’t make out the words but, the walls were thin... You prayed to God that it wasn’t about you, or anything related to the children.

Slowly, your hand trailed down to your stomach. You didn’t think you could see a bump yet, but maybe a little something? You weren’t sure, maybe it was just wishful thinking.

You moved slightly, and you felt something in your underwear. Adjusting lightly, you pulled them down to look, and you saw a decent amount of arousal soaking into the cotton fabric. Blushing bright red you reached down to touch your hot center, to find that you were, in fact, dripping wet.

Biting your lip you thought back on the bathroom incident. Jungkook’s firm body pressed against yours, his hardened cock pressed against your ass, the hot groan he let out. Running your fingers over your slit, you gathered your slick and pushed against your clit gently.

Shockwaves of pleasure ripped through you at the sensation.

“Oh!” You gasped, hand coming up to cover your mouth in fear of waking the boys.

You did it again, causing your body to jump slightly, making more of your arousal drip from your center. Licking your lips you thought about what Jungkook’s hands would feel like instead of yours. What his body would feel like pressed up against yours naked... Jimin’s plump lips flashed through your mind for a second, making you wonder what his blond head would look like between-

No!

No no no no no!

Ripping your hand away from your weeping core you turned over and placed your hands on your head.

How could you? Those two weren’t something to fuel your lonely fantasies! They are in love with each other, and are going to have a family... Albeit you had to help with that part but, still. Jimin and Jungkook weren’t yours... They were each other’s...

But as much as you tried to tell yourself that it would never happen...

You couldn’t help but dream of the two men’s hands running over your body...

Hot breaths touching your ears...

Taglist: @kittkat44, @giadalin, @kookachuwu

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[ultramaga]

They don't want to learn stuff. That's uncomfy! They claim that reality is a social construct, and that, this time around, communism will mean that they won't have to work.

Despite communism always meaning you work or die, and you consume the media the state orders you to consume, or die.

It's trivial for Leftists to check their beliefs against reality, but they never do.

Reality is their greatest foe, and the sincere belief of the bulk of Leftists is that reality can be altered by controlling what people think.

Science is now determined by the government, not scientists, so they have had certain victories, and the dominant force in media and education is Leftism.

I have now seen some biologists argue that humans have an infinite number of sexes, and can change sex at will.

Nobody would have dreamed science would be corrupted so easily. All it took was a global panic.

But there's just no future in the movement. I think that they overplayed their hand. They have been caught sexually interfering with children, and no matter how they scream it is racist or transphobic to stop them, most ordinary people are going to instinctively look for a weapon when a Leftist comes for their kids.

Family is a dirty word to Leftists - they have tried replacing it with "found family", but it just doesn't work.

Leftists stab each other in the back constantly. They have no loyalty to the Found Family. But most parents won't just die for their kids - they will kill for them.

But Leftists just can't stop themselves, even as gay and trans people are increasingly rebelling against them. They have won so much, so easily. They have no idea what a genuine struggle is like.

They are used to putting out a hand and screaming until they get what they want. Well, now they are screaming to sexually interact with children, and parents are looking at them with horror and rage. Leftists double down, but they just make things worse.

The harder they push, the more the mainstream is radicalising against them. I won't be at all surprised if there is a shooting - which the Dems will use as ammunition, of course. But Leftists are up against reality, and that reality will not budge. They need to fvck kids. We need them to recognise how very lethal that attempt will be.

But yeah, jumping back to media - if Leftist Hollywood, working hand in hand with the State, has lost the ability to create entertainment - and it isn't all gone, Maverick and John Wick are both clear examples, and I am told Star Trek Picard has improved - then if Hollywood and the streaming services are worthless, just shop elsewhere.

That's the beauty of the Free Market. They can't stop you buying old shows, or Korean movies, or Japanese...

Leftism killed western comics? Japanese immediately filled the vacuum. They killed horror? Korea took over. The more they destroy, the more innovation takes place.

So they scream for the State to make the Free Market history, to force us to watch their shows, but it just hasn't worked.

Netflix cuties failed to become mainstream. Instead, there was a backlash. Movie producers came out and claimed that they would emasculate male stars so that more women would watch movies?

Turns out women don't want emasculated men, they want and will pay for dangerous dirty men.

Thor and Loki both had huge female followings that disappeared when Leftists cut their balls off. The new DND movie infamously has the male star emasculated. Henry Cavill was thrown out for being too manly.

Guess which one gets women sweaty?

Not just women either, apparently.

Leftism can never win. It can do a lot of harm, yes, but, one way or another, it will fail, and be remembered like we remember the Aum Supreme Truth Cult. A horrible mistake, that seems absurd and awful in equal measure.

is capitalism breeds innovation then why do i need to subscribe to twenty different media platforms for $15.99/mo just to watch the same shows i watched for cheap on cable?? it's getting to the point where i HOPE some monopoly megacorp buys off all these shitty platforms just so i don't have 10+ separate monthly payments, and i can watch all these shows in one place.

until then, it's a pirate's life for me...

[itsmeanyango]

THIRD HOUSE PROFECTION YEAR

The third house is the house of local community, transport and communication. This house is ruled by Gemini. Gemini is ruled by Mercury, so this house is influenced by Mercury and Gemini

Gemini is an air sign. Air is needed for transport and communication. Sound passes through air, movement(Transport) causes displacement of air. Air signs are thinkers, communicators and doers. They have their own mind and that explains why during Mercury retrograde communication and transport acts their own way. Cars break down, computers crash, backups fail and newly bought communication devices develop issues. I do not know of any communication/transport company that has ever made a release during Mercury retrograde or its shadow periods, they know what's up. I also have not seen successful musicians release music during this period UNLESS their music was in line with mercury retrograde energy or there were favorable transits.

The third house profection year means you will need to work on your communication skills and have to be on the move. You may be involved in local community work too, like being an interpreter or driving members of the local community around. This year may also have to deal with you, where you learn to talk to yourself and do things for yourself. The transport might also be having to move up and down the house doing one thing or another. This may be the year you learn a new language or have a lot of miscommunication issues. Communication is very sensitive and it can either make or break you. Your social media activity may either get you in trouble or be the beginning of something good. You may become a meme, or like one of those pages people like going to such as Spiritualworld or you may publish work. Whatever you do in your third house profection year will either make or break you in this digital age, or whatever you did in the past will come back up this year and make or break you. Clean your social media like you heard your favorite person is coming over to your house. Screenshots people, screenshots. Screenshot your payment and conversations so nobody tries to paint you dirty. Also, be careful in what you say online or text because people are taking screenshots.

This year affects ages 2,14,26,38,50,62,74,86,98,110,122,134...

I also wanna say that numerology 3 is creation. Tarot card 3 is the empress. So many creative projects may start this year. Creation also means pregnancy.

Age 14,26 and 38are the sensitive ages here. 14 because these are young immature children with so much internet access and they post anything, whatever you little ones are posting this year will come back to you real hard and bad. Or real hard and good. 26 Because you are figuring life out and the life stress can really mess with you. You might already have a child or children or child on the way. You may be having issues with your partner, you may be listening to these dating and or life coaches. You may find yourself talking bad about your partners, following others and abandoning your partner because a dating or life coach said something. 38 because you are probably married and having marital struggles, the children or child might be teenagers or older than 8, you miss your parents or your parents are sick. 26 and 38 if you cheat you will get caught, if someone lied about the child's paternity it will be discovered. The story of the hare and the Hyena describes the 26 and 38 year old's. You guys are the hyena, outside forces are the hare. You can change the narrative and not be the hyena who beats his wife to death just because hair said they should beat their nagging and annoying wives. Or you can be the proverbial hyena. There is so much to share so if you want more subscribe to my Patreon. Now here is the third house profection year in the signs

1. Third house profection year in a fire sign.

Sounds a lot like being in the spotlight, getting exposed or people around you being in the spotlight. Their glory will build you up, do not act on your jealousy or be sore. Them being successful means the good things are also coming to you. Its like the red car, blue car phenomenon. If you think of a red car, you will keep seeing red cars. If you think of a blue car, you will keep seeing blue cars. However, if these people are terrible to you and are kind of rubbing it in your face or making you seem inferior, it means you need to distance yourself because when your glory comes they will trample on it. Or if they see your glory coming, they will go over and beyond to stop it. If you become a bee-eye-tea-see-aich, you will have done yourself a disservice.

2. Third house profection year in a water sign.

Communication will be through your dreams, instincts and gut feeling unless you have anxiety or suffer from paranoia. You might find yourself extra intuitive. You will always feel drawn to places with your best interest and feel repelled from places that are not for you. You will be able to hear what is not said. If something tells you not to meet up with someone or not to leave the house, listen. Unfortunately its also the year parents and friends die or get into tragedies. If something tells you to call someone, do it. Keep a dream journal, you may find relevant messages for the now and far future. In the community, many people may come to you for help. Children may also approach you a lot.

3. Third house profection year in an earth sign.

You may be joining a new school(14 year old's)looking for a relationship to settle down(26 year old's), deciding if your marriage is worth fighting for or not(38 year old's). Whatever way you choose to communicate your desires needs to be well thought out and objective because you guys though doing things by the buke and rules, you don't really listen to other people. You think you are 98% good and only 2% bad. People see you as only 2% good and 98% bad. So 14 year old's, loosen up when choosing friends and do not stick around people who hurt or demean you. 14 year old black people, do not let anyone neo-colonialize you. You are smart, you are amazing, you are talented, you are doing amazing and the person in the mirror looks super awesome. Do not let nobody talk down on you. 26 year old's, make sure that whatever decision you make now is nothing to regret at 38. Be a happy person first, then be happy with another (or others cause not everyone is monogamous). 38 year old's, do not do it for the kids as a reason to fight for your marriage. At 50 you will be looking at retirement in about a decade and you do not want to look back and see how miserable a life you have lived plus the tragedies you put on your children. Sometimes hanging the boots is the best solution, some people are happier apart than together. Do not make your children choose sides. Be very careful about how you speak even in non verbal's because it will affect your children. In Swahili we say Fahali wawili wakipigana, nyasi huumia. In English that translates to, when two heifers fight its the grass that hurts. It means when two people fight, its those around them who get hurt. If anyone is buying a car this year or moving houses, inspect those two very seriously. Congratulations to people closing down on house, buying cars or even just their first computer or phone.

4. Third house profection year in an air sign.

Looks like a lot of energy is here. If you guys want something, speak it up. Make very active steps towards it or else its not coming. You have to speak up. Promote the living daylights out of your art. Be very careful with vehicles this year. Gossip. careless speaking, careless driving. Beware of information you receive and information you put out. Blocked energy like creators block or lack of clarity in things. You may benefit from stepping back from things so you can see the bigger picture. I am having a hard time writing for air signs as a group, this may be a difficult year for you guys. Sorry. Aquarius traditional ruler is Saturn, so Aquarians if you are careless with your communication and movement this year then you will get it rough as Saturn is the planet of karma. Libra ruled 3rd house people may want to be free. Liberation. Freedom of expression and freedom to travel. Its 2021 and there's a pandemic so if you must travel be careful. Travel may also mean going to the mall, beauty supply store, food joints or general movement. You may find yourself always wanting to be on the move. Geminis might be confused and unable to choose between two things or unable to decide what to say.

In conclusion, check where Mercury is on your chart.

These interpretations of mine are general, the aspects in your chart and condition of Mercury may make things vary.

You may notice these things happen around you and not to you, there is a reason why. Learn from the happenings and live your life well.

[kashacreates]

hi there! i really want to be a part of writeblr, people asking questions is the top thing that helps me develop my wips, but everyone knowing what i'm working on terrifies me at the same time... especially since i'm a teen writer; i'm worried i'll deem my projects "cringey" in the future and then not be able to do anything about it because it's immortalized on the internet. do you have any advice on how to get over this, or any good "baby steps" to take when interacting with the writing community? thank you!

To start: Mechanical basics of getting started on Tumblr:

Make your blog. Keep it simple. Blogs are kind of disposable, but pick a URL you like. I went with KashaCreates because people call me Kasha and my Creations go here.

Set a header and icon, but use something that you made or is free to use for those things. There are like picrews that work for icons or stock photos if you don't like to draw. (Or you could do what I did and take some stuff out of your scribbles that looked nice) No icon makes some people think you're a bot. Worry about theme later unless you really want to work on it now.

Make an intro post and pin it. Start with simple info: a name for folks to call you, what you like to read/write, etc. I'm not a fan of putting exact age (who wants to update their stuff every year?), but as a minor, it's helpful to put some indication that you are not okay with nsfw/adult/erotic blogs interacting with you.

For the rest, there are a lot of good helpful tips here!

Put anything you may want to delete later under a "read more". It's the orange icon that pops up when you start to make a post.

If you ever want to figure out how to do something on Tumblr, Google is your friend. Just make sure to put the current year and whether you're desktop or mobile in the search. So "How do I make a readmore on mobile 2022." Google will still give you a ton of old ways to do so, but you'll eventually find some relevant post that'll tell you how to do it.

Pretty themes, aesthetics, images, etc. help, but are not necessary. They are a lot of work and do make your blog less accessible.

Tangents

This is like the third time I've wrote this, so I apologize if it's a little rough. But there are a few truths and ideas that I feel are important. Keep these as a general rule for the internet, not just Tumblr.

The internet isn't as permanent as people say it is. Websites get purged, hard drives die, servers get abandoned, etc. Always keep a local back up or two of your content, keep your passwords and 2FA up-to-date, and so on. Most of us don't go viral enough for people to keep an archive for us.

A tight-knit group of 2-5 peers who all share their work and comment on it is 1000s times better for growth than the faceless sea of social media.

You will eventually see your project as cringey, bad, problematic, etc. And that is okay! Future you has more life experience than current you and hopefully has been writing longer than you too. I wouldn't get too worked up about it (if possible).

Everything is problematic in some way and life has a ton of nuance. Very few things are black and white and you are the only person that can draw that line for yourself. Not your parents, not your teachers, not the president, not the news, not me. Keep an open mind, but still critically think.

Make the content you enjoy making and understand that you may not get a lot of interaction. Chasing validation is a quick way to burn out and losing the drive to create.

You get a lot more interaction in giving rather than posting content and sitting by receiving. You kind of have to make opportunities for people to find you.

Last Tangent, but it needs it's own section: Adult Blogs and NSFW Content

I am sure you know this and I'm preaching to the choir, but it's important for me to state.

Try to avoid blogs that handle nsfw content until you're over 18. Also, don't post nsfw content until you're over 18. Don't privately talk to someone you don't know and/or is over 18 about nsfw things. If someone tries to bring that stuff up to you in DMs or privately, block them.

It is perfectly okay for you as a minor to have interest in such things. But it is dangerous for everyone involved for adults and minors to share nsfw spaces. Any responsible adult that makes such content will try to keep their content a respectable distance from teens. Anyone that doesn't should be avoided.

It's not a matter of "uwu teens can't handle such content since they're smol beans and babies." I know teens do things on their own.

It's a matter of "some adults are fucking monsters and there is 0 way for anyone to know who is or isn't. Also, any adult can get in massive trouble for interacting with a teen in that way(for good reason)."

On that note, this ask made me realize that I need to put in my intro that my blog does handle "spicy" content (tagged, but still spicy). I tag everything.

Of course, I'm in no way offended, put off, or perturbed by your ask.

It's just that my work has adult content and I put no effort into filtering my posts on my blog to call it "minor friendly." I'm also human and make mistakes.

[emilyoftheshadows]

Deja Vu

Hi! so this is a one-shot based off of olivia rodrigo's new song deja vu. It took a little longer than I thought to write, but here it is in all its questionable glory. Of course it is rowaelin because what else endgame couple would I write lol. Anyways, I hope you guys enjoy!

wordcount// 1838

*****

Aelin felt sick to her stomach as she stared at her phone. The bright screen illuminated the disarray she had created around her. The bed covers were thrown recklessly around Aelin’s mattress, a package of half eaten oreos shoved between the twisted sheets. Bottles of alcohol were towered on the floor and nightstand, creating a maze that she had to maneuver around every time she left the softness of her bed. Tears stained Aelin 's cheeks, the sadness inside of her spilling out everytime she even thought of him. How his touch felt on her skin or how his lips used to kiss her forehead in comfort.

But all of that was over for her. Because he didn’t need her. Her love and her own problems only held him back, and Aelin knew it. She was a stain in Rowan’s perfect new life, and she would die before she let herself be the reason for any sadness he experienced.

So here she was, 6 months and 9 days after she had broken up with him. His face had been scrunched up in confusion, his emerald eyes glistening with tears as she had said her goodbyes. Aelin knew the breakup had hit him hard, but she consoled herself with the thought that once he got over their relationship, he would be free to live his dreams. Aelin would no longer be the unnecessary tether holding him back from his full potential.

Rowan had moved soon after the couple had ended university, taking a high end job at Maeve’s Publishing Co. in Doranelle. He had met his people, The Cadre as they were known to the locals. Working with his new team, Rowan had formed an unbreakable bond with the men he spent so much of his time with. As much as Rowan had found his new home in Doranelle, the opposite could be said for Aelin.

She had opted to stay in Rifthold, accepting her own high end job at Hamel Hotels working as their Brand Manager. At first, the glitz of the hotels and fast paced life had been exhilarating. That was until she had learned her boss was a demanding misogynist and occupied her time with insane projects and endless demands.

Her sour demeanor matched Rowan's exuberance head for head, and every visit she could see the concern etched in that beautiful face deepen with time. But when she went to visit Rowan in Doranelle, all Aelin saw was a makeshift family that he would have forever. The Cadre was working their way up in the publishing world, becoming an unstoppable force and you could practically feel the excitement buzzing throughout Rowan.

It was then when he was surrounded by his men eager for their future, that Aelin knew that she was a distraction. A miserable self loathing girlfriend who was holding him back from immersing himself into this new opportunity. So she took herself out of the picture, doing whatever was necessary to make sure he moved on from her.

She stopped answering his texts, let his endless calls go to voicemail, and unfollowed him on every social media site she had. After the third month, he finally stopped calling her everyday. The month after that, he stopped texting her. Although Aelin wanted this, she couldn’t help but be sad when she stopped getting his streams of i miss yous and hearts.

Aelin had gotten herself a dog after the breakup, focusing all her misguided love and intentions into the white beast that ate all her shoes and furniture. Using his pictures, she made an account for him and used this new anonymous account to stalk Rowan and his Cadre, plus the girl that used to occasionally join the men on their outings. Lyria was Maeve’s assistant and had been through just as much hell as they did, dealing with their bosses' incessant needs. Because of this, the crew often invited her out to the bars as a way to unwind from long days of work, sharing funny mishaps and complaining about Maeve together.

She told herself it was just to check up on him, to make sure he was okay, but she knew deep down that she could never fully separate herself from Rowan. This account was her only link to him, and as shady as it was, Aelin would be damned before she ever gave up the chance to get a glimpse into his life.

But as she focused on her phone, all previous thoughts for Rowan’s wellbeing flew out of her head. Because on Fleetfoot’s instagram feed, Lyria had posted a picture. The scene was innocent enough to any other person looking at it. She sat outside, the sun filtering in through the trees in the background of the photo. On the small table in front of her sat one cup of strawberry ice cream, a spoon poking out of the top of the scoop creating the picture perfect image. Her delicate hand with its perfectly manicured fingers grasped a tan hand almost twice the size of hers, emphasizing her petite features.

But that hand is what stopped Aelin in her tracks. Because as she looked at the post again, that hand led her to the face she adored most in the world. All too fast, she was consumed by his emerald green eyes, a hint of mischief shining in their center. His silver hair reflected the light around him, giving Rowan an ethereal glow as he posed for the camera. Other than slight dark circles under his eyes, he looked perfectly content. A soft smile graced his features and his clothes showed no clear stains or rumpled appearance.

Rowan was okay. He was absolutely fine. And Aelin was not.

Because whether he realized it or not, Rowan had recreated their own first date. As awkward college freshmen, the couple had gone to a family owned ice cream shop run by a friendly old man Emrys. They would return to that ice cream shop at least once a week after that first date, getting to know the owner and his partner Malaki. They had gotten strawberry ice cream, and Rowan had only asked for one spoon, insisting that he could just feed her himself whenever she wanted a bite. The buzzard didn’t even like sweets as much as she did, only wanting to make her suffer. They had sat on a bench outside the restaurant, laughing at how silly they both were and enjoying their newfound relationship. That memory used to always bring a smile to Aelin’s face, causing nostalgia for a simpler time in their lives. Looking at this recreation on her phone though, all Aelin wanted to do was scream in his face for how careless he was with their past.

That moment should belong to them, and them only. Her vision became blurred with tears, the image of his face distorting in front of her. All she could feel was a pit opening up inside her, clawing its way through her body until all she felt was numb. Her tears stopped running down her face, her hands stopped shaking, and she could finally breathe again. But Aelin no longer felt heartbroken for the bird boy who had made her dreams come true. No, all she felt was curiosity. A curiosity for whether or not he got deja vu when he was with her.

---

Rowan sat on his couch, staring at the photo in front of him. He had gotten back from his date with Lyria a couple of hours ago, guilt crashing over him every time he looked at her. Because Lyria wasn’t the woman that made his heart soar or his bones ache when he wasn’t near her. No, that feeling only belonged to his fireheart. The woman who could apparently no longer stand his presence in her life.

Aelin had broken up with him abruptly, pushing him away when he knew she needed him the most. Rowan wasn’t blind, he could see how unhappy she was in Rifthold. Arobynn Hamel was a pervert at best and Aelin deserved to have something or someone good in her life. And he thought he could be that someone, he really did. Rowan had already put in his two week notice to Maeve with hope in his heart and a ring in his pocket. He would do anything to make Aelin happy, and nothing would ruin them, not even the job of his dreams.

But apparently, they weren’t on the same page. Because when he had gone to visit her in Rifthold, ready to offer his life to her, she had crushed his spirits in less than 5 minutes. He had flown back home, but Rowan never figured out why she felt the urge to end their relationship. The lack of closure and the loss of the other half of his soul led him to ruins. For months he texted and called everyday, hoping that she would open up to him about her pain. But Aelin never answered. And she never texted. Next thing Rowan knew, he had stopped trying all together.

The Cadre did all they could to comfort him, but none of them were even close to understanding the aching pain he felt in his heart everyday. Lyria was the only one who could stand his somber demeanor, choosing to spend her breaks near his desk and chit chatting about office gossip during the slow days. At first, the distraction had been nice. But somewhere along the line, Lyria had become more serious about Rowan than he cared to admit.

Now here he was, with an almost-kind-of-talking-maybe-dating situationship that he didn’t understand even started. He mistook her friendliness for just that--friendship. But he also hadn’t stopped her. Deep down, Rowan knew that he was using Lyria, but he couldn’t help but keep the facade going on. Because if he was left alone again, Rowan didn’t think he would ever leave his apartment.

The nights were the worst, where he was alone with his endless thoughts, his regrets, his tears. The past 6 months had been rough, and if this was how he had to pick himself up again then so be it. Aelin sure as hell didn’t want him anymore and Rowan had to come to terms with it whether he liked it or not.

But still, sitting with his phone propped up in his hand, staring at his own face and the scoop of light pink ice cream in front of him, Rowan’s mind wandered to a simpler time. A time where they would be on a bench outside their infamous ice cream spot instead of the random ice cream parlor downtown. A time where Rowan’s eyes would be shining brighter staring into the deepest blue he had ever seen. A time where his fireheart would be taking that picture instead of the woman he strung along like a puppy dog.

Imagining his own heaven in his head combined with the bitter reality around him, Rowan felt a momentary sense of deja vu.

*****

Tag list 

@rowaelinismyotp

@morganofthewildfire

@throneofmak

@whimsicallyreading  

@live-the-fangirl-life

[there-must-be-a-lock]

Derailed (Director’s Cut)

Elle Greenaway x Spencer Reid

Word Count: ~1520

Warnings: Discussion of Spencer’s sex life, or lack thereof. Discussion of virginity as a social construct. Some suggestive dialogue, some snarky banter, and some sweetness to wash it down. It’s sexy, but also totally platonic, and it fades to black before anything actually happens.  

A/N: You cannot convince me that this isn’t how Spencer lost his v-card.  

For the “deleted scene” square on my @cmbingo​ card, written script-style and all. Picks up right where Derailed left off. 

(I almost named this Railed. Then I almost named it Deflowered. So many tempting puns.) 

[Around dusk. Hotch is driving an SUV. Morgan is in front, Elle and Spencer in back.]

Hotch: Elle, your interview has been rescheduled for tomorrow… and this time I’m driving you. 

Elle: I can live with that. 

Hotch: Local PD asked Gideon to consult on a case, and they wanted advice on media strategy, so he took JJ. The rest of us aren’t needed, so I got us checked into a motel. 

Morgan: Lemme get this straight. We have an actual night off… and we’re spending it in B.F.E., West Texas? 

Elle: They have bars in West Texas, right? 

Spencer: We just passed one. 

Elle: Then you won’t see me complaining. Drinks? Reid? 

Spencer: Are you buying?

Elle: Hell yes I am. C’mon, Morgan, you gonna come celebrate the fact that I didn’t die today? 

Morgan: When you put it that way, I don’t have much of a choice, do I? [They pull up in front of the motel and start piling out of the car.] Showers first, though. 

Elle: We can head out in like an hour. How about you, boss? 

Hotch: While I’m very glad nobody died, I am not passing up the opportunity to sleep for more than four consecutive hours. I don’t care what you do as long as I don’t get a call in the middle of the night. 

— 

[Inside a bar. Spencer and Elle are sitting at a high top, with a collection of empty glasses in front of them. Both of them are tipsy, not totally drunk but sort of giggly and loose-limbed. Spencer is using a penny to show Elle how he hid the microchip earlier. Nearby, the bartender is handing Morgan three fresh drinks, but he’s distracted, talking to a pretty woman, as he takes them.] 

[Morgan brings their drinks over to the table and sets two of them down.]

Morgan: So —

Elle: We lost you, huh? [To Spencer] Told you so. 

Morgan: How ‘bout you, pretty boy? She’s got friends. 

Elle: Oh, come on, you really gonna make me drink alone? 

Spencer: Yeah, no thanks. 

Morgan: Suit yourself. Don’t wait up. 

[Elle rolls her eyes as he walks away. Then she turns back to Spencer, who’s playing with the penny again.] 

Elle: You know I’m joking, right? I’m almost ready to head back to the motel, anyway. You should go have some fun. 

Spencer: I’m about ready to call it a night too. And honestly, that doesn’t really seem like fun for me.

[Elle watches him for a second, thinking.]

Elle: The flirting? Or the flirting with girls? 

Spencer: Hmm? 

Elle: I shouldn’t have assumed, sorry… are you even interested in women?” 

Spencer: Theoretically, yes? But more to the point, women are rarely interested in me. I’m not… like that. [He gestures at Morgan, who’s showing his new friend how to hold a pool cue, saying something in her ear as she giggles.]

Elle: It’s about confidence, Doc. Gotta be a little cocky. Not too cocky, but — 

Spencer: I don’t know how to be cocky. 

Elle: Like hell you don’t. Remember earlier? When I said you probably saved my life, and —

Spencer: — I said I totally saved your life. I remember. 

Elle: That. Cocky. It works for you.  

Spencer: I did save your life, though. That’s a statement of fact, objectively speaking. Of course I’m confident when it comes to stating a fact.

[Spencer flips the penny between his fingers a few times, then makes it disappear and pulls it out from behind her ear.] 

Elle: There’s something to get cocky about. You’re good with your hands, doctor.

[Spencer gets flustered and drops the penny, laughing at himself.] 

Spencer: That’s different. 

Elle: How so? 

Spencer: I’m not going to take a girl home and show her my magic tricks, for starters. [He finishes his drink hurriedly.] Are you ready to go? I’m ready to go. 

Elle: You’re not getting out of this that easily. 

[They both slide off their stools and pull on jackets. Elle looks around for Morgan, but he’s way too focused on the girl to notice them. Spencer makes a face. They head for the door and start walking down the block.] 

Elle: Look, objectively speaking? You’ve got cheekbones that could cut glass and you’re a goddamn genius. You know more than me about… well, almost everything, and as annoying as that can be — [She rolls her eyes and sighs, annoyed by her own sincerity.] — it’s impressive. Not to get all schmoopy about it, but… you’re pretty awesome, Doc. 

Spencer: I know I’m awesome. This isn’t about my self-esteem. 

Elle: So what’s the problem? 

Spencer: A random girl in a bar isn’t interested in my IQ. And anyway, it’s not… I know how to talk to girls. But I’m not about to take one home. 

Elle: Why not? 

[Spencer sighs heavily, looking exasperated.] 

Spencer: You want to know why I’m confident in my ability to make pennies disappear? 

Elle: I mean… not really, but I’m guessing you have a point. 

Spencer: It’s because I’ve been practicing my whole life. I’ve mastered the skill because I’ve had years to do so. 

[Realization slowly dawns on Elle’s face.] 

Elle: You’re a virgin, aren’t you? 

Spencer: Virginity is a social construct based on inherently patriarchal values of purity and the commodification of the female body. [Elle looks sideways at him, raising an eyebrow.] Yes, I’m a virgin. 

Elle: So, is it about romance? You want the first time to be special? [Spencer shrugs.] Hate to break it to you, but most first times are funny at best. The sooner you get it out of the way, the sooner it can be an embarrassing story for Morgan to laugh at. 

Spencer: Yeah. Great. That’s exactly what I want. 

Elle: No, really, what are you hung up on? [They’ve arrived back at the motel. Elle starts opening her door, but pauses.] You want to come in for a minute? Finish this conversation over another drink? 

[Spencer shrugs and follows her inside. She starts pouring drinks from the minibar while he continues.] 

Spencer: I guess part of the problem is the… learning curve. If I get to that point with someone I already have feelings for, that’s a lot of pressure, you know? But it would feel disingenuous to just pick up a random girl at a bar. 

[Elle hands him a glass and they sit down.]

Elle: Disingenuous? 

Spencer: False advertising. [He gives her a self-deprecating frog face.] That doesn’t seem fair to her. 

Elle: You’re telling me you don’t want to pick up a girl in a bar because you’re a perfectionist?

Spencer: Well… yeah, I guess that’s one way to put it. I don’t like being bad at things! 

[Elle laughs and then stares at her glass for a moment, rolling it between her hands thoughtfully.]

Elle: Which means you need someone who knows what to expect. Someone who’s okay with… the learning curve. 

Spencer: I mean, I know the theory, but — 

Elle: That’s something you can’t really learn from a book. 

Spencer: Unfortunately. I need some practical experience. 

Elle: You need someone you trust. [Spencer nods.] Somebody you’re comfortable with, but not so emotionally involved with that you feel like you need to impress them. 

Spencer: I guess. Yeah. 

[Elle raises her eyebrows and waits for him to get it. It takes a minute. His first instinct is to laugh, then he realizes she’s serious.]

Spencer: Really?  

Elle: Doesn’t take a genius to figure that one out. 

Spencer: But… why? 

Elle: You saved my life. Seems like the least I can do. I owe you one. 

Spencer: I didn’t do that because I expected something in return! You’re my teammate, and my friend, and — 

Elle: Because you know more than me about almost everything else in the world, and for once I’d like to be the one showing off. 

Spencer: That’s not — 

Elle: Haven’t you been listening? You’ve got cheekbones that could cut glass, and — objectively speaking — you’re pretty awesome. Besides, you’re my friend, and — [She hesitates, looking down at her glass, and the next part sounds almost painfully honest.] — my first time wasn’t great. It wasn’t with someone I trusted. And I guess if I can make sure it’s not like that for somebody else… 

Spencer: Oh. [He smiles slightly, looking touched.] You really mean it? 

[Elle rolls her eyes.]

Elle: One night only, no strings attached, and if you ever mention it to anyone on the team I will kill you in your sleep, but yeah. I mean it. 

Spencer: Not a word. 

[Elle drains her glass and straddles him matter-of-factly. He looks very overwhelmed.]

Spencer: Did you know — 

[Elle puts a finger to his lips and shakes her head. He closes his mouth immediately, and she gives him an approving nod, teasing but also genuinely fond.]

Elle: You’re a fast learner, aren’t you? As long as you can follow directions and keep the statistics to yourself, I think we’re going to have some fun tonight. Now, shut up and kiss me. 

[Spencer smiles. Cut to black.]

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Smutty follow-up is now HERE! 

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