#i also see no need for a show of endless tragedy to be this long. like. they are experiencing the SAME trauma repeatedly. what does it add?

[hechose]

mmm the way armand, if he stopped to think for ten seconds, could have actually heavily related to claudia. that he just wanted to be chosen, to be loved first and for all he is and not all he has to be. not for the shell of an image outside, but for what he is within--

[giantkillerjack]

To give credit to the last of us for its queer rep, it’s not just queer characters who have tragic/bittersweet endings. Literally everyone (siblings, parent and child, heterosexual) queer or not, has tragic endings. The older queer couple gets the best one out of all of them.

I guess? I mean, it is certainly much better than if they were the only characters to die in the storyline. But people were on tumblr talking about how theirs was a happy queer story. And I think it is the misleading discussion around these characters that bothers me even more than the writing. Like if I had watched that episode instead of looking up the plot summary, I would have had a meltdown at the end when they both died because I truly had gotten the impression that it was going to be a happy story.

But now that I've mentioned the writing:

It's nice that they live till their 70s. It's nice that they get 20 beautiful years together. And it's a bit fucked that the writers felt the need to end those 20 long years on-screen with a terminal illness and suicide in the same episode they are introduced. It would have been incredibly easy to just say that those men get to live on past the end of the episode. There are a million reasons those men could have continued living in the story.

But that's the thing about a show like this. I think there is a distinct possibility that this show is actually incapable of writing a satisfying happy ending.

Craig Maizin, the show's writer, gained acclaim recently with Chernobyl, proving that he is apparently excellent at writing a long, horrifying tragedy in which character struggle only to find there is no way out.

(His other main credits are The Hangover sequels and the Scary Movie sequels, most of which I haven't personally seen, so make of that what you will.)

But more than the writer's background, the show itself troubles me. It has this repeated mantra in it that goes, "when you're lost in the darkness, look for the light." Which is a cool phrase.

But I have reason to suspect that this writer genuinely doesn't know how to write the light. I have no reason to believe he does. I hope I am wrong.

But when you write episode after episode after episode that is an endless inescapable slog of tragedy and desperation - and then advertise it to me, a sick queer person actually living through a pandemic and trying to escape disease and poverty - well.

I think a better writer would include moments of light and hope beyond just trauma bonding. Moments that don't end in death.

When my wife writes about characters in awful situations, there are still these moments of genuine loveliness and fun and joy between the characters; these moments remind the reader what is worth actually fighting for, living for. Imagine! Entire chapters in a post-apocalyptic novel in which characters don't undergo a "hacking someone to death with a cleaver" level of trauma!

But the fact that Bill and Frank still had to die even after an earnest attempt to tell a beautiful love story....

I fear that the light the story ends with - if there is any - will be as dim and desaturated as the show itself. And personally, I am at a point in my life where I don't care to see a story like that.

It's fine if you do like it. It doesn't matter to me if you find beauty in a tragic queer love story. There are places for that in this world. But it is tragic. I am sure of that. And I wish I hadn't been seeing posts saying otherwise, ya know?

And I hope I am wrong about the writer. But I see cracks in the premise. Like in Stranger Things. There was always a promise of light that kept me watching, but it never seemed to come. Instead, the misery and trauma continued to stack and compound for the lead characters, like in TLOU. But... does the writer know how to make that worth it, for us, for the audience - for me? I don't think he does.

I think it very possible that the light isn't really coming for Ellie and Joel in a way that provides catharsis because I have noticed that on shows with no intermittent joy and hope, this is too often the case.

But I do hope I'm wrong. Because if I am right, then a lot of mentally ill fans will leave the experience more depressed than if they hadn't watched it at all.

But for my own part, I'll just continue to skim through the show for monster design ideas. And also I'll say that everyone should watch Infinity Train - ESPECIALLY season 2 of Infinity Train, if they'd like to see a story in which people actually DO find a light that makes the whole journey feel worth it.

[beauty-and-passion]

TBOB PART 3: OF BILL'S SOLITUDE AND BILLFORD (1/3)

What can I say? I’ve always loved the canon ship in almost every fandom I was in.

Welcome, everyone. Welcome to the third part of my endless rambling about Bill Cipher, The Book of Bill and Gravity Falls in general. Now it’s time for the ship, so sit back and relax, because there is a lot to talk about here.

Yes, I was one of the people who shipped these two eight years ago. And I shipped them as soon as I finished watching the series, because… well, there was more than enough proof that something was going on between them.

Unfortunately, the mentality at the time was “Bill tries to kill Dipper as soon as he has the chance? True love. One trillion proofs that Ford and Bill have something going on? How dare you think that, you are a Bad Person™”.

And yes, I know I could’ve written one post years ago and tried to explain Billford back then but… it would’ve been so, so tiresome. Especially considering that pedophilia was a-okay, but Billford shippers were terrible people Because Yes.

But hey, times change, people change and TBOB gives us enough proofs even a blind person can see them. So. it’s finally time to extensively talk about this ship - this time, from Bill’s point of view.

(For the disclaimer and everything else, refer to the first post. And read the previous ones too, if you like! They will help you understand some things I take for granted here.)

<- Previoust post - Masterlist

_______________________________

Billford has always been canon

The thing is: now as then, Billford has never been a ship about “and they ended up happily ever after”. There was never an intent to glorify abuse or to say that Bill and Ford had the healthiest relationship and everyone should have the same.

What was so captivating of this ship was the tragedy of it. The clearly evident infatuation. The obsession these two had for each other.

This is what pushed people (me included) to ship them: because it’s interesting. The dramatic possibilities, the angst, how deeply an obsession can go to the point you lose yourself to your partner… and yes, of course also the interesting images that can come up by imagining such different beings having something physical (if you’re not a coward and give Bill a human form). It’s not the typical fluff with a couple being lovey-dovey 24/7: it’s a lot more. There is a lot that can be explored. It’s wonderfully challenging, both on the writing plane and purely mentally.

… and yes, it's funny for crack and parodies. These two being cringe and pathetic or married and divorced at the same time is always funny.

Sure, at first we had just the show to support this ship. But oh boy, if there weren’t enough proofs already:

Ford’s house was filled to the brim with images, pictures and stuff of Bill. His goddamn windows are triangular-shaped. Not even the Vatican is filled with so many images of God - and I can assure you the windows are not Jesus-shaped.

Ford made a deal with Bill to be together “from now until the end of time”. Until the end of time. That’s basically a marriage, only even more extreme, because fuck death, we will be together until the last supernova evaporates. And before you ask: yes, it takes such a stupidly long amount of time, it’s bonkers. That’s real infatuation.

Ford consensually gave his body to Bill for possession. Just imagine the sheer trust you need to surrender your whole self to someone else. Not even a married couple can reach this level of trust. And definitely not “just friends”. Maybe BDSM couples can come a bit closer to what these two had.

As soon as Ford returned home after 30 years, Bill greeted him in a dream, called him “his old pal” and was all nice and friendly. No hard feelings, no reprimands, nothing but flattery and threats because, as we learned from TBOB, these two things go together in his head.

Bill asked Ford to join him 200 times more or less.

Bill gave Ford 200 nicknames more or less.

During Weirdmageddon, right after Ford tried to kill him with one of the things that could’ve destroyed him (the quantum destabilizer), Bill welcomed him with a smile, offered him a place among his freaks for the umpteenth time and, when Ford refused again, he turned him into his literal golden trophy wife and carried him around.

By comparison, when Preston Northwest offered his help, Bill shuffled the function of every hole in his face and ignored him completely right after.

Also: Ford tries to shoot me and fails by sheer luck? Please please please, be one of my freaks. Dipper tries to throw me a punch that will literally do nothing? Death. Bill doesn’t have double standards, nope nope.

To convince Ford to give him the equation, Bill’s first thought is to bring Ford into a private suite, serenade him and ask him to join him for… what? The 220th time?

When Ford refuses, Bill puts chains on him in the kinkiest possible way known to mankind, with an iconic image that screams of BDSM.

Somehow, all of this wasn’t enough. And so, we had Journal 3, in which:

Ford called Bill “his Muse”. Oh, my mistake: he called Bill “his blessed Muse”.

Literally lavishes Bill with compliments. So. Many. Compliments.

Says Bill will “seduce” you with never-ending flattery. Interesting verb choice here, Ford, are you sure there’s nothing else you want to tell us?

Ford named a constellation after his Muse.

Once he went through the portal, instead of hiding away forever and good luck finding him, Ford held a 30-years-old grudge and decided HE would’ve killed Bill, no one else. That’s not a simple obsession between friends.

But after all of this, something was still missing.

Until now, it was quite certain that Ford had a COLOSSAL obsession about Bill. The religious fervor, the sheer trust, the depth of his grudge all made it very clear that Bill carved a deeply rooted place in his heart and mind - a place he kept for most of Ford’s life.

But what about Bill? Did he even care about Ford?

We had no idea. Sure, he showed some kind of care: he gave Ford special treatment during Weirdmageddon and seemed to value him enough to offer him a place among his freaks multiple times.

But when did this care start? Was it just because he needed Ford? What about their pre-betrayal relationship? Did Bill even care before?

The most plausible explanation at the time was that pre-betrayal Bill was simply flattered by Ford’s lavish adoration. Maybe he liked the guy a bit (otherwise, why waste time with him?) and humored him in his fervor, but nothing more than that.

But then the betrayal happened and Ford switched from adoring him to opposing him. He actively ran away, found ways to keep Bill away from his mind and came back with the sole intention of killing him.

At the time, I thought this was the moment when Bill started to be truly interested in Ford. Before Ford was just an adoring pet. Now he was more. Now he was interesting. Now he was worthy.

And that opened the door to even more angst possibilities! If Billford was just a “one-sided relationship” before, now it could’ve been the story of two beings who loved/cared about each other, but at different moments in time: Ford in the past, when Bill didn’t love him yet. And Bill in the present, when Ford wasn’t in love with him anymore. The perfect tragedy, ton of angst, love that.

But now, with TBOB and thisisnotawebsitedotcom, the tragedy that is Billford gets a new, angst layer. A beautiful, angst layer.

Because it’s not that Bill never cared about Ford or cared at the wrong moment in time: Bill cared right from the start.

_______________________________

Deeply alone

One detail about TBOB that people aren’t talking too much about is the sense of solitude that permeates it. There are parts in which you can literally feel Bill’s loneliness.

One example? The Bill Tells All section. I know it’s supposed to be a funny parody, but it’s also a perfect image of how alone he is. He’s so alone, he has to be host, interviewee and audience at the same time, because no one else is willing to listen or talk to him.

And in light of the information we got about his past, I think this is an extremely important part of Bill’s character and personality.

Let’s come back to Euclydia: the anthem/poem on the website emphasizes how close people are (“LOVED ONES WILL BE EVER NEAR”), so it’s very possible Bill grew up surrounded by his loved ones.

And then, one single event and everyone disappeared. All the people who surrounded him one second ago, were gone the second after. “There was no one left but me, covered in blood, alone in the universe.”: if this line means solitude for us, just imagine how much, much stronger that same solitude would be for someone who, until that moment, has always been surrounded by others and knew no other reality than that.

That’s another level of solitude: it’s a black void of emptiness, something all-encompassing and all-consuming. It’s a hole carved inside you that nothing will fill ever again. And it was you, the one who carved it.

Of course Bill became insane. Of course he chose to find a justification for his action, by saying that he liberated his dimension and that his people were holding him back. I don’t know what he would’ve done, if he hadn’t. Probably, he wouldn’t have found a way to survive.

But he survived. He repressed his trauma, justified it and kept going towards the stars he was aiming for.

Still, that void was inside him - and we know he tried to fill it. He tried by dating a literal void, for god’s sake. And he tried by surrounding himself with people.

That’s probably why he became who he is: a flashy, flamboyant figure, someone who loves to be the center of attention, because that means having people around. It means people listening to him and being with him and surrounding him again. It means not being alone again.

I mean, just look at this book: every page has something new and interesting, every page is a different attempt to keep you involved, to keep you around and listen.

But an audience can always leave. An audience can stop being around. And that’s probably why Bill searched for someone closer, someone who wouldn’t leave him so soon.

He searched for new loved ones.

_______________________________

Love and hate

Bill’s love advice put a real smile on my face, because sure, they’re funny, but at their foundation, they all share the same goal: to show to your potential partner your qualities and how you would be able to carry/provide for them and your offspring.

Why is it so funny? Because that’s exactly what every single living being does to attract a potential mate: showing off your colorful feathers, singing louder than others, fighting other rivals, showing how clever you are, using pheromones and special smells. And, for humans, something like, idk, showing how wide your hips were as proof that you would carry healthy babies. Or showing off how wealthy you are, to prove you can take care of your partner and your offspring.

Bill himself follows this mentality, considering advices like “have two of everything to show your wealth” or “show how much calcium you have (aka how healthy you are)”. Heck, he even has a seduction hat which is basically one huge phallic shape!

And, again, this makes me smile, not just because it’s a clear parody of those men who keep showing off their huge, large vehicles. But also because he usually wears a tall top hat. And how funny it would be, if a tall top hat was indeed a way to win a partner in Euclydia? What if that’s how his father got his mother? Please, I want a fanfic or Mr. Cipher entering a place with a top hat big and wide enough to win Mrs. Cipher’s heart (while not accidentally piercing through another shape). I bet it would be hilarious.

Funny love advice aside, I would also point out these two things Bill says:

Love and fear are right next to each other in the brain and, like most humans, Bill also can’t tell the difference (he doesn’t even think there is a difference)

“love is the pupa stage for hate”

The fact Bill mixes love and fear explains why he is like that in general - and with Ford too. If love and fear are the same thing, then there is no difference between flattering someone and threatening them. There is no difference between partying with his friends and scaring the shit out of them. There’s no difference between helping Ford and hurting him. And there’s no difference between allowing him to see Fordtramarine and “joking” about someone coming to steal his eyes.

Also: if “love is the pupa stage for hate”, then Ford coming back after 30 years hating him was completely normal for Bill. It was just how things were supposed to go: first he loved him, now he hates him. Still, same thing. Still worth a place among his freaks. Still worth flirting. For Bill, nothing has changed - just evolved in a natural way.

And yes, this is uber duper fucked up and great material for toxic Billford. But it also makes me think: how did Bill get this mentality? How did he manage to mix love and fear so much? When did it happen?

Inevitably, I think about Euclydia. And inevitably, I think that “the incident” is when Bill mixed the two things.

When he still lived in Euclydia, Bill clearly experienced both love and hate: his mother at least seemed to love him, the other kids didn’t. Bill doesn’t like his optometrist either and we have no clue about his feelings towards his father. Later in his life, Bill recognizes his family and his world tried to blind him/”snuff out his potential” - so, again, something more similar to hate than love.

Then, Bill destroyed his place. He had to deal with a trauma so huge (i.e. experiencing solitude for the first time in his existence), it left a void inside him. A void he decided to suffocate with lies - lies that, in the end, are just half-truths. His place was bad and his family was holding him back! But that was also the place that showed him love for the first time. His people were flat minds in a flat world with flat dreams! But among them, there was also the one who loved him right from the start.

I believe this is when the two feelings got mixed in his brain. In his attempt to justify and cope with his mixed feelings regarding the universe he just destroyed, Bill ended up mixing love and fear together and believing that love is just one stage of hate. Unable to deal with the vastity of solitude, Bill put together justifications for his actions and messed up his own perception of feelings.

The result is someone who is deeply, deeply alone and who desperately keeps searching for love to fill that void… but is unable to do that, because he cannot distinguish between love and hate anymore.

That’s why he has a lot of exes. And that’s why they’re all exes.

But hey, at least there are friends, right? Right?

_______________________________

Bill’s friends are full of potential (especially one of them)

The perfect friend for Bill should be:

alone, outcasted, rejected by society, possibly an orphan looking for a purpose in life (so exactly like him)

completely devoted to him

Which you can see by yourself that this isn’t exactly how a friendship should work. The friend exactly like you can still work, but the friend completely devoted to you who should do everything you want… well, that’s not a friend. That’s not even a pet, because even pets do not follow you around with such lavish adoration.

But somehow, in the vastity of the Multiverse, Bill managed to find some friends. And oh boy, what friends:

Pyronica is a beauty queen AND she has a twin sister AND she dated Hectorgon. Cool, but not enough. I need details. But, like, a lot. Her entire story would suffice (maybe).

Amorphous Shape is invisible to most of the Henchmaniacs. How? Why? Who is she, really? Where is she from? Where is her backstory? Why isn’t it here? I need it here.

Hectorgon was a goddamn sheriff and Bill just throws it like that?! I want his backstory too! I want to know everything about him!

Keyhole hates Pyronica? Why? What happened? Where is all the juicy gossip, Bill? We need the gossip!

And most importantly: a certain someone was part of Bill’s gang. Someone with a photo that has been covered, but it’s still partially visible. And as soon as I saw it, I jumped up on my bed and asked: “Wait… is this Jheselbraum?!”

The answer is yes and thisisnotawebsite confirmed it: she was one of Bill’s Henchmaniacs. And now the right question is: how much do you want The Book of Jheselbraum, from 1 to 10?

I mean:

In the partially crossed-out part about her in TBOB, Bill says she figured something related to dimensions

In the shaman page (TBOB) there is a code: WHICH HENCHMANIAC RATTED ME OUT

In Journal 3, Ford has been saved by her, who sucked him out of the 2D world of Exwhylia

Jheselbraum told Ford that Bill’s “thirst for power caused him to destroy his home dimension - including his parents and everyone else he’d ever known” (Journal 3)

Still in Journal 3, Ford says she spoke of Bill “without anger, but with a calm, steely, clinical resolve to see his reign of terror end”.

In addition to that, let me add this part from thisisnotawebsitedotcom under the code TANTRUM:

I KNOW YOUR CRIMES, CIPHER. TAKING A NEW HOME WILL NOT MAKE UP FOR THE ONE YOU’VE LOST. WHAT YOU DID TO THE COUNTLESS SOULS OF EUCLYDIA- Cipher stopped in his tracks. YOU CHOOSE YOUR WORDS VERY. CAREFULLY. Ciphers henchmen murmured amongst each other, confused. They seemed to have heard conflicting stories about Bill’s past. “You said you liberated the people of your dimension-” LIBERATED THEM FROM THEIR BODIES! DONT LISTEN TO HIM! HE’S A BABY!

Can you see how HUGE the potential is?

What I believe for now is that:

Jheselbraum figured out what Bill really did to his home dimension (i.e. destroying everything and not “liberating” it, as he said to his Henchmaniacs)

She started to actively find ways to stop him from doing the same thing again

She “ratted him out” with Bill’s new potential puppets on Earth

Bill found out she didn’t just rat him out, but found out the truth about Euclydia too and that’s what led to her escaping

She settled closer to a 2D world - maybe to learn more about Bill, maybe because she knew Ford would’ve appeared there

And speaking of that, we have the message on thisisnotawebsitedotcom under the code SEVENEYES:

This is something someone else wrote to her. Someone who told her to escape to a crossed-out Dimension (who guesses that the crossed-out thing was the number 52?). Someone who told her it was against the rules, but it was also the only way to escape him (aka Bill).

And from her code, you can find out the other criminals found new homes as well.

In other words, we have a hidden spy story, in which someone helped Jheselbraum escape from Bill and, in turn, she helped all others escape Bill.

If you don’t want a book about her, about her story as Bill’s henchmaniac and about this whole thing, you are a huge. Fucking. Liar.

_______________________________

And with that, let’s close part 1 of this umpteenth endless analysis. The next one will come soon and it will be all about Billford.

Yes, I know I already talked about Billford here, but we still haven’t talked about the details in TBOB and Bill’s perspective on it. Also, it’s always nice to talk about Billford.

See you soon~

-> Next post

(How about a coffee? ☕)

_______________________________

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[cornyonmains]

I'm still trying to figure out how I feel about season 3 of The Witcher, but one thing is for certain, I'm loving Jaskier's progression as a character.

I think it goes without saying that a huge turning point for Jaskier was his falling out with Geralt on the mountain in season 1. As I read his character at that point, he was quite in love with Geralt, and very much suffering from the belief that he wasn't enough for Geralt in any sense of the word, not as a lover, a friend, or a traveling partner. You see this insecurity ramp up throughout the entirety of the season 1 finale, and to think Geralt hadn't noticed that was lunacy. He did, which was part of the problem. Geralt needed to lash out, he needed someone to lash out at, and there Jaskier was, already wounded, the easiest of targets, and Geralt goes full savanna apex predator on his ass. Then he left him, on a mountain, that he knew Jaskier didn't know how to traverse safely. He said fuck off, and also die.

Jaskier could have crumbled, and for awhile, he probably did. But this led to a key moment of character development, because it caused Jaskier to take himself out of Geralt's shoes and get back into his own. To introspect. And Jaskier realized that he was enough, that he'd done a lot for Geralt, and that Geralt's refusal to embrace his own humanity while still wanting Jaskier as a friend resulted in him becoming an emotional punching bag. And Jaskier, rightfully pissed off after reaching these conclusions, channeled that anger into the post-break-up banger of the century, Burn Witcher Burn. But at the core of what ultimately makes Jaskier one of the most sympathetic and relatable characters in this show, is that he didn't do it so much as he was angry, but because he wanted Geralt to hear it. Because his songs are how he expresses what can't be spoken. The tragedy of Jaskier's character is that he was always going to forgive Geralt. That he was always going to drop what he was doing to trail this man with an affection even Yennefer doesn't easily mock, because it would be entirely too cruel. He wrote that song so Geralt would come and say he was sorry and Jaskier could go back to settling for scraps of his time.

So then we come to season 3, and enter Radovid. Enter the first person Jaskier's met in 30 long years that intrigues him as much as Geralt, and he's absolutely taken off his guard by that sentiment being returned after he's spent over half his life accepting something like that could never happen for him. He's 50 years old. Jaskier has accepted his fate of endless pining at this point. So when Radovid asks him to sing a song about his white-haired witcher, Jaskier slips up. He reveals too much, and it gives Radovid the chance to say exactly what Jaskier needed to hear.

"Does the witcher know how lucky he is to have you?"

I imagine it's rare for Jaskier, who spends his life finding the right words for others, that someone would find the right words for him. It's little wonder he was so immediately fascinated by Radovid, and so immediately heartbroken.

For 3 seasons and multiple decades, we see Jaskier's entire character formed by the hurt he endures being part of Geralt, Yennefer, and Cirri's life. And despite all that hurt, all the rejection, the betrayal, the torture, harassment, manipulations, and political intrigue we see Jaskier progressively becoming a better and better person. He helps Geralt, Yennefer, he helps the elves as the Sandpiper, and watches Cirri without a word of complaint. He throws himself into any dangerous situation asked of him, and helps Yarpen's men. He doesn't let the pain make him bitter. He still thinks love is beautiful, even when it hurts. He drinks, he fucks, he makes merry. He writes sad songs about Geralt.

Jaskier's development, his portrayal as a character, has been a true highlight of this series.

I sometimes think the djinn, in some cruel last jab at Jaskier and Yenn, used them both in Geralt's wish as a form of punishment. For Jaskier, his punishment for wanting so much, so quickly, was to spend his life wanting the one thing he couldn't have. That thing being Geralt, because to punish Yen, who so badly wanted control of her own destiny, he tied it to Geralt's. It's like a magical ouroboros of misery. And for Geralt, who tried to put a stop to the madness, the djinn rewarded him with the thing he wanted most. A family. A wife, a daughter, and a best friend who would never leave. It's some dark and complicated shit, and I think it rings true to the tone of the story itself.

Never has any character in this history of everything deserved to bone a hot Redanian prince more.

[twistedwonderlandfantasies]

(Repost)

Azul Ashengrotto as Your Boyfriend💜🪸🐚🐙💜

fluffy, fem/neutral!reader

(Sorry it ended up so long I could just talk about this smexy man all day) Remember to drink water <3

Azul had heard a lot about the human world, but only ever experienced it when he enrolled at Night Raven College. That being said, he's totally enthralled with human objects. He loves collectables, novelty items, knick-knacks and anything of the sort. His love and fascination with our material goods shows when he gives you the most random things. "Look at this vintage set I found at an auction." "I saw a what's it called? Ah, snow globe. Look, there's a cat inside that looks like Grim, do you like? It's for you." It's a very endearing trait he has which is exclusive only to you. When he goes shopping you're also on his mind and just adores sharing his finds with his love.

Similarly, your own fascination with his world has led Azul to gift you things from the sea. Beautiful pearl necklaces of whatever color you like, conch shells of different sizes and types, endless seashells, rare gemstones found near the waters, magical items, and if you're into antiques, he'll go retrieve lost items from the sea buried within shipwrecks or dropped by people.

Besides the miscellaneous gifts Azul loves buying you clothes. At first it caught you by surprise, but you realized it was apart of his attraction to our things. "In the sea we don't have a need for clothing, but up here you humans can express yourselves in so many ways. So I thought this dress might look rather nice on you, hm?"

He's the same with perfumes. He just loves spoiling you in all the material things he can find that don't exist in the deep blue.

His office literally has all of the gifts you got him spread out in it on shelves and his desk. He constantly thinks of you, even at work, and treasures everything you make/get him, wanting to keep it forever where he can always see and remember you.

One of his favorite activities with you is reading messages in bottles he finds from the ocean. You're always surprised at how many there are, but you both realize it's actually a pretty big hobby among people even today. Old bottles are especially interesting, its contents mostly containing stories of love and tragedies. You help explain to Azul how people up here think and behave when something doesn't make sense to him (which is pretty often considering how contradicting people are). You collect them to avoid polluting the waters but keep them somewhere safe and respectfully.

He absolutely loves taking you into the waters with him. Whether in human or mer-form. If you love to swim then it isn't much of a surprise to have him as your boyfriend, but if you can't swim or are afraid to Azul will teach you how and be the absolute best, sweetest teacher. Bonus if you watch the sunset together while leisurely swimming or sitting on the sand, it's quite romantic, really. Expect the occasional water tag and playing around as Azul just can't help but tease you when he feels so confident in his natural environment. this may or may not end in some more intimate actions.

Ironically, Azul finds your voice mesmerizing. If he catches you singing while you think no one is around, he WILL stay hidden just to continue listening. "You sing like a siren my dear." "Are you sure you aren't the one who's put me under your spell?" He may come up behind you quietly, wrapping his arms around your waist gently in an embrace while taking in the soft smell of your hair. "Please, don't stop now, I do so enjoy listening to you."

While transformation magic from mer-person to human is more commonly done, transforming a person into the latter is more difficult, but not impossible. The first time you decide to transform into a mermaid , it catches Azul by surprise. You really want to immerse yourself into his world and live in the sea for however long. After much consideration you decide to do it. Who would have thought your tail would be so beautiful. The way your hair flows, you glide effortlessly across the waters, the iridescent scales of your tail reflecting in colorful arrays. Maybe you are a siren. Azul can't decide if he loves you more like this or as a human. You're just too beautiful no matter what.

You two swimming across Atlantica is like a dream; so deeply in love. You get to explore so many amazing things and bond with him in ways you never could have imagined. He shows you all of the different kind of fish, corals, you get to swim with dolphins and sharks, visit different mer-cities. Expect Azul to blow you bubble hearts and kisses because he really can be that cute sometimes.

extra fun if the twins tag along.

His skin, like the twins, is also perfectly soft and radiant. Your hands love to be on him. You caress his cheeks, massage him, rub your thumb over his palm while holding hands. You're almost jealous at how good his skin is! Of course Azul is more than willing to return the favors of touch. You two enjoy long cuddles and hugs.

Honestly, Azul is a 100/10 boyfriend and when he isn't destroying unsuspecting people with his contracts he's just infatuated with you beyond description and if he could he would love on you constantly all day everyday. His soft side is ONLY for you, his gentle touches and kisses, his thoughtful words, the teasing, sweet nothings. Sometimes the dichotomy of this man shocks you, but maybe that's one of the reasons you love him so much.

"The sea witch was defeated by the mermaid and human in the end. Some say it was true love which was strong enough to end her, I used to laugh at that thought, now, I'm beginning to understand its true power."

💙💜💚💜💙💚💜💙💚💜💙💚

[havenesc]

OMG I'm very 👀👀 right now like!! why Jason gotta be immortal? if Sofia is Jay's benefactor, is Talia out of the picture?? AND DICK!! tell us more about their hatership! what is up with that?!?!?

WOOMPH OKAY so. first question is a heavy hitter.

Jason being immortal has been a fascinating concept to me, especially with regard to the ending of the UtrH comic (the famous batarang to the neck) and Jason's subtle yet canonical suicidal ideations. The multitude of layers it would add if Bruce had -- accidentally -- killed his son directly in the altercation. Jason's recklessness increasing because who gives a shit. He can die over and over and over. He died once and he came back and he died again and keeps coming back and he wishes he would stop coming back but here he is, vision pin-light green, crawling back to the land of the living and at some points it is against his will.

A more frank answer is that I love angst, I love whump, I think it's interesting to look at complicated familial relationships that get even more complicated because Dick and Bruce have very real, horrible opportunities to watch Jason die in real time and his revival never fixes the genuine issues they have. It doesn't save anything. It never will. There has to be more to repairing the broken relationship between father and son than just the opportunity to try an endless amount of times, but the tragedy of Bruce and Jay is that they will never see eye to eye. It doesn't matter how many opportunities they get.

The same concepts carry over to Sofia, who by this point has seen/caused death and knows it intimately. Sofia knows Jason died. Selina grieved for him. To have the Red Hood show up, to have Jason Todd show up in her life? Bruce's kid she met once or twice whenever she managed to get in the door at a gala, and out of obligation or just general amusement of pissing Bruce off, the one she sent flowers to for his birthday, not thinking a thing of it, until the damn kid sent back a hand-written thank you note?? He's alive??

Not only that, but he's handed her an opportunity to use an unkillable asset. Jason can't stay dead. He can go up against whoever she needs him to go up against and it doesn't matter if he gets killed. He'll get the job done.

(There is also. The uh. Minor infraction of killing him off of an extremely lucky shot the first time they ever cross paths. Twice. Jason's both horrified to find out he can revive and pissed off because the first time did the job, didn't need the second (third) death, thanks, and Sofia's smoking like a freight train.)

Honestly I haven't given a ton of thought to Talia's involvement -- I just reread Lost Days not too long ago and I think while Talia does care, to some degree, about Jason, Jason is a vessel to Bruce, and I imagine there's only so much she can participate in on Gotham soil without tipping Bruce off.

Sofia does not give a fu-huck about that. Not in the beginning. She's trying to keep the Red Hood on a leash and keep him off her neck, because she's heard about what he's done to others. They are working off a professional "you scratch my back I'll scratch yours" type of relationship. It has to be mutually beneficial for it to work. She'll help Jason get after Bruce on grounds of getting what she wants -- the fallout of Batman's potential demise is just an extra tip for the bill. Talia might be there behind the curtain, but Sofia's on the ground, so-to-speak.

I made a half-cracked post about Dick resenting Sofia for having Tony Zucco on payroll, which is in zero way canon or has any supporting evidence obviously, but regardless of that I think Dick would carry a "I don't like you, because you're a crime lord" level of neutral dislike for her that upticks real fast into outright disdain when Jason returns.

Dick thinks Sofia is an enabler and that she's not aware of the consequences Jason directly suffers by helping her; he thinks she willfully wants to isolate Jason from the family (which she does, but not for the reasons he thinks). He blames her for Jason's self-sabotaging ways, he blames her for being one of the reasons why Jason can never come home and integrate, and in turn because Dick is who he is, he blames himself for not being able to push all the buttons in the correct order to bring Jason back into the fold.

Sofia thinks Dick is Bruce's enabler and, considering Dick actually reminds her so much of Alberto, if push comes to shove, Dick is absolutely not choosing Jason. He will pick Bruce every single time, just like Alberto chose Carmine while lamenting Sofia's position. There is love and there is hatred in the hypocrisy. Each of them believe they know Jason better than the other and each of them think the other is less superior emotionally. They get into the ugliest, nastiest barbed-wire-word fights you've ever seen and walk away from them injured. Jason knows they don't like each other, but he does not have any idea the level of vicious these two go.

But they also work together when it matters. Sofia knows she cannot offer Jason comfort; that job is Dick's. Dick knows he cannot be utilitarian when the situation calls for it; Sofia can. Dick will hold Jason's dying body in his hands while Sofia pulls the trigger.

(And in the time it takes Jason to come back to them, they are so ugly with one another it would put a season finale of Real Housewives to shame.)

They both have to come to ugly terms that they both want what's best for Jason, but their definitions of "best" are vastly different. And they will hate each other for it.

[heroesoath]

It's been so long since I wrote her, but I need to get some of my #thoughts out there on my beloved Miss Grey.

Once upon a many years ago when I first made her original blog I unfortunately didn't allow myself to explore Jean's more bristling sides. I loved delving into the kinder aspects of her character, she's self sacrificial, she loves her team and her family, she is always there to protect you. But these are not every aspect of Jean, she's extremely arrogant, cocky, self satisfied, a hypocrite and self righteous. It's something that I think even Marvel writers forget, especially in the 90's when she was relegated to team mom for the most part.

Jean is interesting, because while she's self righteous and holds herself to a higher pedestal, she hates when others put her on a pedestal. She didn't enjoy finding out that Logan named the school after her when she came back from the dead, she doesn't like the high expectations that are often hoisted upon her from both Charles and Scott. Combine this with the fact that she is now whole again, she's the Phoenix, she's a primal cosmic being, and she's scary. I just think the duality of the woman she is, the good and the bad and her desire to literally explode like a sun is super interesting.

It's why I think her frenemyship with Emma is so good, Emma sees the sides of Jean she doesn't like to show, and Jean needs someone in her life to tell her to stop being an asshole. I think deep down Jean is envious of the confidence Emma has, and a lot of that has to do with the fact that Jean's story up until her eventual return in the late 80's was a tragedy. Her powers were stifled by her father figure, she dies and becomes one with a cosmic force that is a part of her and when she's abused and taken advantage of by the Hellfire Club she snaps and commits genocide.

When the younger version of Jean is in the current timeline, she has a conversation with someone about adult Jean. They talk about how she never had a chance, and it's true. Everything was against Jean, even herself, and so it was an easy choice to unalive herself on the moon during the Dark Phoenix Saga. She was terrified of her power, she could see how she was becoming something that frightened her, and now that she has the Phoenix again I think it's the perfect chance for Jean to reclaim these parts of herself that are scary and primal.

I don't know, I just love this character so much, and I will go to bat for her over everything, especially with the endless crowds who love to call her dull or boring, because she isn't when she's actually allowed to be the flawed character she was originally and under Grant Morrison's pen in the early 2000's.

tl;dr I support women's wrongs, and Jean can be both a loving and kind person while also being a complete asshole playground bully and the intricate parts of her character are FASCINATING

[literallyjusttoa]

New Hozier album comes out in 10 days so here's some Hozier lyrics I can imagine Apollo writing.

I am YEARNING and I am GAY and y'all are gonna have to DEAL WITH IT.

You don't have to sing it nice / But honey sing it strong / At best you'll find a little remedy, at worst the world will sing along - To Noise Making (Sing)

A song about singing and the joy it can bring? God of music written all over it.

I wouldn't know where to start, sweet music playing in the dark / Be still, my foolish heart, don't ruin this on me - Almost (Sweet Music)

I can just see him singing this while falling in love with someone.

When, my, time comes around / Lay me gently in the cold hard earth / No grave can hold my body down / I'll crawl home to her - Work Song

And I can see him singing this while being in love with someone. Also the weight of an immortal singing about devotion after death is v interesting to me, especially when it comes to our poor has-almost-died-and-actually-died-more-times-than-any-other-immortal Apollo.

With each love I cut loose I was never the same / Watching still living roots be consumed by the flame / I was fixed on your hand of gold / Laying waste to my lovin' long ago - Would That I

Apollo's endless cycle of love and tragedy? More likely than you'd think.

When I was a man, I thought it ended / When I knew love's perfect ache / But my peace has always depended / On all the ashes in my wake -Arsonist's Lullaby

Apollo's endless cycle of love and tragedy? More likely than you'd think.

All that I've been taught / And every word I've got / Is foreign to me - Foreigner's God

In a general sense, I think this could refer to how different the rules of Olympus are to the rest of the world. Everything you're taught is right on Olympus means nothing as soon as you leave, and we see Apollo struggle with that in the books. But I also I like to relate these lyrics to the period right after the fall of Greece, when Apollo was likely torn between his people and the new invading force. Honestly I think that would be such an interesting time period to explore.

I couldn't utter my love when it counted / Ah, but I'm singing like a bird 'bout it now / I couldn't whisper when you needed it shouted / Ah, but I'm singing like a bird 'bout it now - Shrike

Apollo definitely has a lot he regrets about certain relationships, especially after the Trials. His open affection and love for his partners wars against his inability to show true vulnerability and "weakness", so I imagine that he's been very closed off to a lot of his lovers.

So I will not ask you where you came from / I would not ask and neither would you / Honey just put your sweet lips on my lips / We should just kiss like real people do - Like Real People Do

Adding onto the last part (and this is entering headcanon territory) Apollo wants the love part of the relationship without the true vulnerability. He wants to be able to keep all of his walls up while still being truly loved, which is sadly kind of impossible. To me, it always seemed like Apollo was chasing the idea of being in love more than the person he's loving themselves. And this doesn't mean Apollo doesn't care about these relationships, in fact, he seems to throw his whole soul into them. He wants to love someone, he just isn't ready to be loved back.

The entirety of Jackie and Wilson and the entirety of Talk

They just fit man, idk

+ so much more but I'd have to write essays to fully explain how I feel about each one

I'll probably reblog this after I binge the new album with more so look forward to that.

[002yb]

With the recent happenings in Gotham War what r ur thoughts on it all? Me personally? I'm devastated for Jason!

Devastated, but also so excited! ✧٩(ˊωˋ*)و This is a detail that I hope stays around for a while if only for the consequences to be explored in all their angst and drama-ridden glory.

Fair warning. Route thoughts below go from okay to deranged like, immediately. Also, stream of consciousness.

Potential Routes (Reversal, Everything Hurts, Scarecrow, Basement)

Reversal: Bruce with all his endless failsafes rectifying the changes he forced on Jason. And while maybe he's gritting his teeth because Bruce knows the consequences (ie. 'letting Jason be a murderer again') it will be a gesture to show that he wants Jason and doesn't need to change him to love him.

Everything Hurts: Alternatively, Bruce only being able to love Jason because of this change he imposes on him. The tragedy in that. ;U; What's more, Jason having a spike of adrenaline and thus fear (terror, really) whenever Bruce comes near him. Because Jason recognizes Bruce as 'dangerous' and ahhhhhh. The way this would jar Bruce and make him falter. Ugh, so good. So sad. He wanted to protect his boy and he ruined him, instead.

Scarecrow: Titans (2018) had a plotline with Jason and fear. Where he turned to an anti-fear drug to combat his fears and got swept up in a whole thing with Scarecrow who supplied him and it was really homoerotic omg like. This is a perfect set up for something like that to happen. Bruce 'healing' Jason, only to devastate him worse. And to see Jason struggle with something so personal (drugs, addiction) would be really interesting to see. Him hurting to the point he goes down that route and being tormented for it. How his friends, family, and Bruce would react as Jason spirals while trying to overcome this terror Bruce put in him. And ahhhhhhh let this boy break; let Scarecrow capitalize. Scarecrow doesn't need fear gas to fuck Bruce up - Batman has brought his fears to life by hurting his own boy to such an extent. ( ๑‾̀◡‾́)✨ OH! Bruce being put in a position to save the city or save his boy. A callback to Jason's time before he was killed by Joker. And ahhhhhhh copious amounts of fear because Jason learned this a long time ago: a hero will never love anything more than their cause. And idk maybe Jason loses it and he gets a different sort of rogue!era for everyone to be mad about. (⭑•͈ 𓎟 •͈ )

Basement: Alternative to the 'Everything Hurts' Route. Where Bruce doesn't actually let Jason go to Metropolis to live that normal life because Bruce keeps him chained in a basement. Which would be such a solid callback and ouchie plot if this was AKverse and Jason suffered through that fate before. Just a constant registering of danger which leads to adrenaline and fear until Jason shuts down and Bruce can have his twisted wicked way with him ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!! ৻( •̀ ᗜ •́ ৻)

Additional thoughts: brujay winning so hard (˵ •̀ ᴗ - ˵ ) ✧. Also, someone on that team is an avid omegaverse fan it's coded in there so hard ahhhhahahaha perfection.

[autisticlancemcclain]

fic rec friday 4

welcome to the fourth fic rec friday! where, on friday, i rec five of my favourite fics.

1. Flip by @icypantherwrites

A very important alliance hinges on Voltron’s ability to perform a Sambayee — a show of athleticism and grace — and Allura had believed she was Voltron’s best candidate. But the aliens do not want an alliance and set an impossible bar that Allura is horrified to realize she cannot reach. There is no way any one can.

Except, she learns, there is. And there is far, far more to Lance than she had once believed.

Gymnast Lance and Allura angst. What more do you need? Seriously, I love them both so much, and the fic treats them both with respect as friends (which can sometimes be tricky, but this does great!)

2. A Wider Universe by @spiralled-fury

Lance, separated from his team, his family, his home.

For them, it wasn't long.

For him, it was two years.

Two years of endless fighting.

New scars, new pain, new hatred.

And new feelings.

I don’t really need to rec this fic -- sixty thousand of us have read it. It’s the voltron epic of all voltron epics. BAMF Lance of all BAMF Lances, slowburn klance, MFE pilots with important parts to the story, and the best Lance & Red relationshop literally ever written. 

3. The Cracks in Your Mask by @chyeahlex16

According to Lance, he has a great life. A large family full of younger kids running around a cozy house, a stern father and a strong, loving mother, a large dog full of love for his owners, lots of space to run around and grow in the backyard. Only light and happiness, no tragedy to speak of. But this is far from the truth.

They’ll never know. If he has anything to say about it, no one will ever know the real truth.

- A journey following Lance as he comes to terms with his past and sexuality in a way he couldn't around his family on earth.

(Basically a very personal self-projection on Lance. Some material can be triggering, but I'm keeping it as vague as possible for obvious reasons.)

A major warning -- this fic is a very heavy deep-dive into the traumatising aftermath of childhood sexual assault. Lance, who was CSA’d as a child, is having more and more triggers in his every day life as a paladin. This story details his worsening spiral into his trauma, and his eventual snap and reliance on his team. It’s an excellent story, the team handles Lance with so much care, and it’s a really important story to read, I think (but, again, tread carefully). 

4. Two Years On A Fucking Space Whale by vrepit_nah

After two years on a damn space whale, the Voltron team see Keith return to them. Lance missed Keith, and well, it seemed Keith didn't feel the same seeing as he brushed past Lance without even a 'Hi.'

Except, this isn't Voltron: The Show, but Voltron: My Retelling (And the one we all wanted.)

Keith changes his mind about ignoring Lance.

This is the reunion fic that we deserve! Sappy klance! Whipped Keith! Flustered Lance! I love reading this one when I need to feel better about season 6. 

5. the electric synthesized pop ballad of why keith can’t have nice things by kay_cricketed

Keith can't have nice things. That's it. That's the story.

(Or, in which Keith slowly learns that sometimes the best family is the one you make, Pidge has strong feelings about peanuts, Lance has a secret but would've spoken up sooner if he'd known it would break Keith's brain, Hunk is the actual best, and Shiro is just relieved he didn't have to give anyone the Talk.)

Is this an ABO au? Yes. Am I a little embarrassed about it? Also yes. But I’ll be real, this fic is really good! It’s well written, it’s nonlinear -- which I love -- and it features absolute conniving shithead Lance, whom I adore. It’s a fun fic with interesting themes, including a big thing on trust, and I really recommend it. 

that’s it for today!! i’ll see y’all back next friday for the next fic rec post!!!  

[spooksalotnoel]

The tragedy of Beautiful Boy

Want to start off with a TW, I'll be covering topics of drug abuse, addiction, and death.

I watched Beautiful Boy just a month or two ago for the first time. I saw this movie again just a couple of days ago. I debated on whether or not I wanted to write a post on this movie. I felt as though I couldn't really capture what it is. Instead, I've decided to talk about my experience with addiction and how it's affected me. And I will be relaying that to the movie.

For starters, went into this movie wanting to learn more about how my father felt as he was the addict. My father passed on my birthday from an OD. Watching this movie, I thought, "wow, I wish he didn't feel so alone". At the time of my father being present I couldn't comprehend why he couldn't just stop. I'd never fault my father; he was the best of the best. I know what was happening to him was something he just couldn't control. I had endless love for him, and the real beauty about this movie is that it really showed me what I couldn't see.

I messaged my stepmom who is a recovering addict, she's been sober for 6 1/2; 7 years. I wanted to know how she felt about the movie. I learned that it's hard wanted to stop but not mentally being able to. I also learned that the film, to her at least, was pretty relatable. Like I said before, I can't put into words how much I appreciated this movie. I can't convince you it's good either. I got another opinion from my grandmother. She said it was way too long and it dragged out. Thats when I realized something, this movie cannot touch you if you aren't sensitive to this topic. My heart breaks for those who have gone through loss, addictions, drug abuse. This movie was a huge lesson for me, and I don't regret watching this.

I'm sorry for such a deep post, I hope this reached someone who needed it. I am not sure if I will keep this up, but know you are loved.

[letsriddlemethislucifer]

"Yo. I'm back." A certain Emperor walked into Shinji's hospital room where he was hooked up to a lot of machines meant to keep him alive. He was in a coma. The doctors said that his chances of waking up are slim. Akihiko forced a smile on his face as he sat down and looked at his friend.

"How long are you going to lie down? You're slacking off. Come on... get up." The longer he stared at him, the more he choked up. "Please... I won't fight for power anymore. I've learned my lesson. Just... please... wake up!" [It's today :3c Also, be sure to tag it as p3 spoilers just to be safe!]

--- The air was cold and uninviting. Though he had come time and time again to this place, there was no getting used to it. The room smelled of it's usual cleanliness, bitter and uncomfortably sterile. Aside from the constant noise form the monitors and air filters, it was uneasily quiet. Always uneasily quiet.

The curtains were drawn to a close as the night was drawn further by the hour, the the only light within the room came from a small lamp besides the bed, where the visitor's chair was.

The very air would feel irritated with each word that was spoken, before returning to that same routine of silence.

It was heavy.

It felt too heavy, sometimes.

Enough to make one choke.

Pleas continued to go unanswered. Prolonged bouts of anger and bargaining, too, lost their spark with time. But the ashes would always linger. Always. Only to spark right back up for the next visit.

An ongoing cycle.

A never ending nightmare.

Nothing felt like it was ever enough. Helplessness was no better a fitting name for such a place; stuck in that same time as the very moment that a bullet rang out within the dark hour.

Stuck... to the very minute detail. The overwhelming smell of iron, the endless pool of red staining a place that had once again seen another tragedy.

A feeling of a strong and steady grip loosening within Akihiko's own before it fell away. Without another complaint. Without that usual sharp gleam in those familiar eyes since they were young.

Eyes like unbending steel, suddenly dulling out to rust. Did they still look like that, even now? Would they? Questions remaining in limbo at the sheer fear of finding the worst conclusion.

Those hands, once rough and sturdy with experience, now dwindled down frail and cold. It was hard not to reminisce the sound of those hands chopping away at freshly washed greens, stirring in a hardy egg, or gently slicing down finely done meat for a hardy meal.

Even harder was it to erase the sounds of those all too familiar boots clicking in a rush to push others away from harm.

....

A voice tired and hoarse, scolding others for how they lacked taking care of their well beings, or awkwardly reminding them to eat their fill without shame.

...

Though the tubes helped him breath, and the monitors showed a somewhat stable rate; nothing described of the former could be seen now.

Just a husk.

Nothing but an empty personality.

No way to reassure him that everything would be okay.

The body that lay within those heavy sheets could not give him the solace he so desperately needed. The every one in the sees so desperately wanted.

There was no aspirations from him.

No joy or anger nor complaints.

Not even dreams.

Not for him.

Not for the one unable to awaken from a silenced state.

For those who still walked freely, however... there was hope.

For you,

At the very least,

Can keep going.

[ifiwasurgf]

SUCCESSION ENDING : MAJOR SPOILERS

below, i write about change, and succession as a war story 🎯

say what you want about succession's relationship with the theme of change, but that is something that each sibling does undergo, simply because they're human, and nothing else. it is fundamental to life itself. coming from the small and particular world of the 0.001%, this is ultimately a show about humanity. naturally, they can’t escape their limitations as human beings, due either to the cyclical nature of abuse, their lack of self control and emotional regulation, or to the fact that even the most evolved of human beings have their limitations and end up repeating mistakes too. it's why we all love stories about (albeit) interesting inevitabilities. that's what succession is. that's what war is. compromise is change, and their lives are changed forever after that board meeting. they are forced into compromising, their lives forced into a state of surrender. they've been in survival mode, in action, for so long, that just the act of surrender is already a stark change. they all act accordingly.

shiv’s vote comes from a place of narcissism on her part. it triggers a cascade of following narcissistic and violent reactions from the two brothers which leads to the reveal that no one in that room is evolved and balanced enough - now in the viewer’s eyes (all hail the beautiful manipulation of television) - to run that haunted house of a company. a company destined to be taken over by tech because that is its own forced compromise in the world. all of it comes down to change. shiv’s vote is her sitting at that table and finding it impossible to bear the reality that it is not her at the top. she is the only one out of the three possessing the same vindictive maliciousness as logan, and we see that monster peer its head in that moment. she does it at first out of spite, as other characters in succession would normally do, but it’s only after kendall goes nut-nut (his famous words) that we start to see how originally tactless provocation is possibly for the best. she doesn’t “free” anyone. she’s just a person picking choices from a hat: a very limited, flawed hat with few options. she backs herself into a corner; she is now the wife of the ceo of waystar. she’s already transformed! at the start of the show, she’s an unmarried career woman with a submissive boyfriend. she is unrecognizable to us now, because she’s lost herself in this whole process. it was something she never even expected, which is why her life seemed to make some sense at the start of the show. i do find her story to be the most tragic of the three because of how unexpected and impulsive it all is. but motherhood will change her. there will be a lot of bad and, symbolically speaking, it’s a tragedy, but she will make some form of peace in that reality. all of her conflict stemmed from the false promise of ceo, it stemmed from her father. now that it’s gone, and he's gone, she doesn’t have anything to rub against anymore. she can only face her husband, her child, and her career. she won't admit the loss (that's the sad part) but she knows it deep within. and she will pick it up, and move along.

roman’s ending is the most hopeful. yes, he’s a self-hating, self-destructive time bomb in many ways, but he’s also the jester, known for his charisma, and capable of even sweetness. he's a sour candy; a boy, not a man. unfit to work and face reality. he’s been forced to change himself according to what people needed him to be his whole life. it explains the constant failure, because he isn’t a chameleon. constantly failing to properly listen to one's own intuition and desires is going to lead to an extremely messy life, which we see through his endless provocation and crossing of boundaries (social, political, sexual, etc.) that being said, this - losing the company - is once again, another compromise in his life and, by the grace of god, it isn’t a failure on his part this time around. everyone latches onto his words about everything being bullshit, and in that exact moment, he is absolutely right. but, ever notice how roman’s observations are almost always strictly tied to time, place, and situation? they are so rarely telling of the world at large. they aren’t meant to. they're meant to reveal the facade of that particular moment; what the audience has been thinking for those 5 minutes until roman opens his mouth, and then we can all sigh in relief. he's put our anxieties into words. his brazenness to do so does not make him a prophet. his words are to the audience more-so than the opposing character, because naturally, they won’t listen to him. it’s succession’s version of an aside in theatre (to me). if you put yourself inside his slimy head for a moment, in the end, roman is relieved. he drinks gerri’s martini, and he lets that bring him some comfort as he comes to notice how he isn’t the only sibling capable of catastrophic, world-ending failure. he laughs to himself, in a sense, “well, at least it wasn’t me.” that is not freedom. in fact, it’s quite petty. the remedy for a bruised ego. i also think that explains the ambiguous and slightly threatening nature of his smirk. it isn’t the manic smirk kendall has when he feels himself emulating his father, but the smirk of a man (not a boy) who wasn't the sacrificial lamb today, he was not the beaten puppy here. roman is no longer bearing the weight of everyone’s shame, and he finds genuine comfort in everyone being equally "bullshit", so as not to feel so alone. he has his own shame, more than enough of it. his problems will remain unresolved until that shame is dealt with - that is his life's burden - but in this moment, he languishes in the relief of not bearing expectation any longer. it could be argued that he ends up where he started. except, that isn't possible. what happened, happened. he drinks martinis now, he has grown. it may not look that way, which is why the smirk feels like an inside joke between him and the drink. he never even wanted the company, in part because he was never allowed to want anything, but it's all about the small freedoms, the inching forward, and accepting the grief. that's what rome's arc has been this season: a spiral and a landing, landing bruised but not dead. i can drink to that.

now, kendall, the modern day michael corleone, an apt parallel. the abuser and the abused. the sheer desperation he exudes is nothing short of terrifying. before that desperation is triggered by shiv's vote, he is seen - now burned forever into my brain as one of the most disturbing scenes in the whole show - cradling roman, squeezing him, letting him bleed, making him bleed. allowing for that dynamic to exist (the stronger dog, the weaker dog) makes way for that poison he so dreads. he is a walking nightmare in so many ways. he is what he fears, he fears what he is, he wants what he fears, he fears what he wants. all of it. he is definitely the most professionally competent, which is deeply ironic, because he is the most dissolved and watered-down of them all. while roman is someone who doesn't believe in truth and yet is capable of telling it like it is and being true in moments he doesn't even realize could be seen as honest and raw, kendall is the opposite. he believes that things are true, yet all of his beliefs are false. they are doctored, surgically altered, selective. that's why they're referred to as narratives. for an author of his own reality, his own in-shop puppetmaster, kendall loses track of his story more often than not, as he claims to not have killed the waiter (a chilling moment), showing how his deeply fractured state and the grip on his immovable desire for power come head to head. he cannot be the ceo, because that would make his narrative real, and it never was. it was always the promised kingdom, passed down to him at age 7, like a fairytale. another falsehood. so, he sits in the frame that he meticulously constructed. everything he can control points to a metamorphosis into his father: the park, the bodyguard, the attitude, the business. but alas, the world tells a different story. the ocean ebbs and flows before him, ever-changing. he has to now grapple with that truth, now that he has no control over this fairytale-turned-nightmare that has dissolved before his very eyes. the world is saying "no, find something else. keep going. you are not dead." new horizons, kenny. of course, he doesn't see it that way. i don't know if he falls into a depressive abyss, or becomes a more present father (god forbid), but there is definitely a shift. a forced change: compromise.

succession is ultimately a war story. they have been at war for 4 years, although sometimes it’s felt like their whole lives. now, they're out the other end. they're losers, who've betrayed and scarred each other time and time again, but their opponent is also dead. the occasional ceasefire has made enough room for innocence, play, and some fresh air, but it was always peripheral to the business. now, there is no more fighting. make do of what’s left of the ruins. pick it up, trudge forward. with shiv in purgatory, she is doomed to start over from the old, used-up parts she so despises. she's stuck, and must therefore bend. with roman in a heaven of blissful irony, his compromise is of no longer being a dog but a person with nothing but failure under his belt, as well as a healthy dose of charm, and to make that leap of accepting his humanity. with kendall in a hell of facing truths and false promises, he is forced to deal with plan b, as well as perhaps his real self - things that have never existed. each of these realities point to change. within the core of each person, of course they are all deeply wounded and will remain so; the wounds remain, we all know that. but life changes, its circumstances shifting like the waves of that very ocean kendall watches in despair. they are now forced to face a loss: the loss of their father, and of their war. out of that loss? the terrifying freedom of wanting something of their own.

[vaultsixtynine]

also like. ok sorry here we go (this is what i think abt all day in the empty moments between other shit) -

vash and darcy have different (but exceedingly complimentary) fundamental framing for their worldviews by virtue of who they are - vash frames his life in small, discrete interactions as he takes on the guilt and responsibility for a 1.5 century-old mistake that has befallen all* of humanity (*on gunsmoke which Could be the last of humanity as far as he knows). it is All his fault and thus he Has To care about every little detail - this level of detailed focus is derived from his non-human nature as well, though he's never known anything different and has rarely had anyone know him well enough to discuss the differences. he has to help and save and protect and love every person he can on an individual level as long as his slightly-removed Other status is maintained. he staunches blood flow and stitches open wounds.

darcy frames her life on a huge, immense scale - weather patterns over decades, how long it takes a tree to grow or geologic strata to form; she does this because she has been aware since she was very small how insignificant a single human life can be against the ravages of time, greed, ignorance. she made a decision that it doesn't matter that she will likely never be able to see any benefit of her labor beyond surface-level, she still has to do what she does for humans on gunsmoke to survive eventual, slow extinction. she has to build what she's testing and learning into more people, needs to help people by showing them how to do this themselves and WHY - this extends to interpersonal conflict, too, and the violences humans inflict on each other. she sees and understands systems, and starts at the top or works backwards as far as she can - she wants to and does help in an immediate problem, but she prefers to ask Why a moment of tragedy had to happen at all. she identifies why an injury happened in the first place and prefers to navigate how to prevent it in the future.

when together, they manage to address one another's blindspots (most of the time) and balance their shared interests/goals against their differing approaches - action vs. inaction, the value of making a plan that doesn't require endless self-sacrifice, looking for opportunities to cut to the heart of an issue that lies outside of the most obvious solution. they are both very smart individuals and become extra double stupid when they're together except for when anything's actually under threat, at which point they eventually settle into a paired dynamic that makes them stronger and also makes them better at finding option C's in a world obsessed with trolley problems.

[flaringfoxsoul03]

Hello! Could I ask for a twst matchup please? I'm Nord, and I go by she/her.

For personality, I've been told I'm a little mischievous but sweet and calming to be around. I'm definitely more on the introverted side but can come off as extroverted due to my friendly nature. Generally, I have a lot of patience and don't tend to get angry unless it's on the behalf of others. I worry for those around me more than myself and nag when I grow concerned ^^; Some of my other traits include being competitive, curious, stubborn and detail-oriented. overall, I have a lot of emotions but do my best to express them in a way that's not a nuisance for anybody. I just want to enjoy the little things in life!

I write short stories, play video games, watch anime (especially horror and comedy), bake and take walks in the nature in my free time. I also love dogs, and tea. I’m currently studying english and geography! Reciting poetry and quotes help me sleep.

As for love languages, I love giving gifts (especially self-made trinkets like jewellery and I will spoil my partner with them), acts of service and quality time. I'm clumsy with words of affirmation but also a bit of an accidental flirt because I like complimenting people??

Thank you so much, take your time and have a good day <33

Hello there my beloved! So sorry it took so long to get this out, but I have your request in my hands no, you’ll be okay…

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I match you with…

Riddle Rosehearts!

——————————-

So, hear me out. Riddle isn’t so bad, we all know this. It’s just his mom who’s kind of a sucker for so much control it’s damaging (homie here can relate 😭 saddest of enbies). But I swear, I know what I’m doing. This is full of tragedy, but a hopeful ending for the couple you guys make.

With how extroverted you initially came off to him, Riddle thought you were a massive rule breaker. If that’s not one thing he despises intensely, the world must be ending otherwise. He only saw how angry you got at him for collaring Ace, shouting every word you could possibly throw at his noggin to clarify how dumb he is for following all the rules to a T. After his Overblot, he gets to really meet you and appreciate who you are as you finally let your walls come down.

Instead of anger, he sees the endless amount of worry you put into everyone, which is no easy feat since there’s quite a few of them you eventually friend along the way. He’s even accidentally figured out when you start showing massive red flags for burning out severely, but unfortunately he doesn’t quite realize what burnout is and allows it to get to the point where you finally break (I’ll make that bit into its own bullet point, don’t worry-). When Riddle tries hanging out with you for the first time, he really sees how quiet you are. It even gets to the point he forgot you were there until ADeuce decided to start a competition over something completely dumb and dragged you into the mix. He saved you, don’t worry. Someone’s gotta have a tight grip on these boys

After that accident occurred, Riddle couldn’t help but notice how often you suppressed your own feelings in favor of the others around you, no matter how much you didn’t agree with it. He had to think about how to approach that whole separate issue without coming off arrogant because he knows you’re just trying to enjoy the moment, but you’re too caught up in worrying about everyone else you forget to enjoy it too. He doesn’t get a chance to talk about this with you before your burnout hits you full force, but he did manage to snag a conversation between Trey and Cater about it so he wasn’t totally off the rails (and he was right according to that duo, you needed help ASAP!)

Eventually, your burnout hits. And when I say hard, I mean even Rook Hunt, notorious for finding anything to be prey, couldn’t find you on his first sweep of the entire campus grounds. On top of that, Idia, despite having cameras in the weirdest and oddest of spots, couldn’t see you from his cameras. Being worried would be an understatement for Riddle, he’s trying to not completely panic while you’re missing. It’s when he finally decides to search his rose maze that he finds you curled up into a ball on the ground next to a pavilion crying your eyes out. He sits there and tries to figure out how to comfort you (let’s be honest, this boy is more emotionally constipated than you homie), but he eventually settles on stories from when he was younger and was still allowed to speak Trey and Chenya. He eventually stops because his mother finds out and no longer wishes to upset you further (though we both know what happened that fateful day). He honestly thanks you for your deed from so long ago, apologizing that he should have done it sooner than begging apologies with you back then. Riddle offers you a hand and you inevitably take it, he’s guiding your back to his dorm while texting the group chat with the other House Wardens that you’re okay, but you definitely need space for now and a serious talk with everyone is long overdue

Loves that you’re already choosing to study in your free time as you should when you try to become a productive member of society, but is also (not so) secretly curious of your other hobbies. I’d like to think he’s just completely baffled at the concept of anime, but likes that it’s not just some cartoons his mother initially made him believe they were. On top of that, baking? You’ve made a perfectionist become less perfection and more creation in the kitchen baking together, though the others mustn’t see him in such a lovesick state of mind (a bit late since they saw it a long time ago, but this isn’t new for anyone)

When you start gifting him homemade jewelry out of nowhere, he thinks it’s a ploy to get him to do something for you, you’ll have to explain you like making these sorts of gifts for him. Once he understands it, he will now proudly wear and show off his jewelry that you’ve made any time and chance he gets. Riddle’s even got certain sets of jewelry he wears for special occasions now with how much he’s hoarded and made certain that no one made off with his precious jewels you so graciously gifted him

Finds himself completely flustered out of nowhere when you first accidentally compliment him, has to ask you to clarify that you actually meant it. When you’re outright confused at first then turned embarrassing shades of red, he gets the hint. More so when you cover your face with your hands and whine your apologies. It’s awkward the rest of the day between you two unless Cater does something about it, though in all honestly, he’s probably the one to make jokes at your expenses instead of doing the emotional breakdown for the two of you, especially if you’re in a relationship. He’s trying to get you guys to sort your problems out without his magnificent help after all

All in all, Riddle’s so appreciative of this relationship you guys built together. He’s working on finding himself through some of your interests that aren’t necessarily beneficial all the time (if he hasn’t found a loophole in everything at some point I’ll be surprised). He just feels so free with you, but he still gets to keep the things that help him stay grounded like some of the many rules he used to live by. While he’s managing his anger, he’s also being the best partner you could manage with all the quality time being his favorite love language. He just so enamored by you and your captivating charms, why would he resist someone who really loves him?

===================

And the follow ups are:

Ruggie

And

Epel Felmier

——————————

That’s all folks! Until next time!

~Fox

[iamamanwhowasraped]

I don’t know why I chose today all days to write down what happened to me when I was raped and assaulted. It’s been over 30 years of silence, shame and blaming myself. I still haven’t the courage to do this anonymously. “. He too”, just feels too public, too raw and a risk, as I am still very vulnerable, still very raw, still a long way to go to heal.

Baby steps.

I was 18 years old when my entire world changed. That was also the day my entire personality changed for ever. The day they took a piece of my soul, a piece I don’t think I can ever get back or replace. Im 50 now, and I have no idea why it has taken till now to express it. After internalising it every day. You see other people telling their stories of rape and sexual assault. They do it, not anonymously like me. Everyone salutes their bravery. So do I. But I just cannot go that far. Shouting my rape and assault to the rooftops makes me feel terrified and shameful. So many men and women in particular, have been raped, sexually assaulted and abused. It’s a huge thing for me. And my rape belongs to me. No-one can devalue or minimise it. To be just another person on a pile of rape stories… forgettable…the thought of that feels like it could crush me.

The truth is, people have grown tired of #metoo #hetoo personal testimonies. That movement, as refreshing as it was at the time, had the adverse effect. It became a fad in time, an ice bucket challenge. People are tired of rape stories really.. Another rape. Another sexual assault. Childhood sexual abuse. These are also traumatising to hear for other victims particularly.

Each one of those stories is a personal tragedy. It shatters most lives. Irreparable damage and fallout. The lifelong fallout of mental illness, relationship difficulties, ongoing physical, psychological and sexual abuse, addiction, career and financial difficulties, crime and prison time…the social costs are endless.

I want to tell you what happened to me.

I was 18 hears old in the early 90s. I was terrified of HIV and AIDS which meant at that time, la high chance of death, as treatments were in their infancy. Homophobia was rife when I left to start university at a small English city, in the Midlands. It was, multicultural, working class, crime-ridden but tens of thousands of students brought the city to life. It was my emancipation from a narcissistic hostile homophobic father and family. .I could be gay, mostly, out in safe circles although there were incidents. A drunk fellow student on Saturday night trying to break into my digs to beat me up…luckily the rugby lads would stand up for me and gave him a hiding. He was never expelled, jsomething that would happen immediately now.

After about 6 months I went to the local gay club. It was the time of #madchester, #rave, Hacienda and dance music. I went a few times when a tall, overweight, not particularly good looking guy made a beeline to talk to me. I had dropped an e so i was “loved up”. I’m fastidiously polite and friendly so i talked to him, continuing to dance, to show, “sure I’m friendly, I’ll talk to anyone, but I just want to dance”. I didn’t want to convey any other messages as I was not interested in him romantically. He asked if I was single. Dreaded question. I avoided the answer to the question … “ i love this tune”, probably commenting on how great the music and DJ were. I remember it was Ecstasy by Shades of `Rhythm or something similar. I felt sorry for him. He was clumsy, unattractive, dressed with badly fitting, unfashionable clothes. That didn’t bother me. What bothered me was that he needed connection. He seemed desperate for it. And so i thought no harm in connecting a little.

The night ended and I said goodbye. “Come back to mine”, he said. “No”, I said. “I want to go home and anyway Mike (lets call him that), I’m sort of seeing someone else so we can only be friends”. He had a disappointed look on his face for a brief moment but it seemed to fall on deaf ears. The way he was looking at me still gave an impression that his pursuit of me was undeterred. “Tell you what, will you be in here next week?” “Yes if you’re going to be here”. I should have recoiled a little at what I look back on as language reminiscent of a stalker knowing what I know now. But at that point I thought id never meet him again.

I saw him a few times as sure enough he was there at that club every Saturday night. When I didn’t tgo, the following few week he would almost panic, “where were you? I was here but you never came out”.

Then the Saturday night came. I was dabbling with drugs, ecstasy mainly, with speed on occasion. It was that time in the culture. A culture I dove into feet first. That night, i had a triple x, a particularly strong pill. I bumped into Mike and was so high I didn’t care. He got me a drink which I know, looking back, he spiked with acid. I just know I was out of control and hour after i had the drink he bought me. He was with a straight friend who was also 6 foot plus, muscular, rough and really too edgy for my liking. He was serious, He felt cold, detached. Speed, E and now a trip. The walls of the club were like waterfalls and the dance floor was filling up with the flowing walks so it seemed. I was in a nightmare. I felt frightened, out of control, disassociated and I was terrified.

All of a sudden i was with them, in a taxi, incoherent. Then I was at a house. Time was strange, I couldn’t tell a minute from ten minutes. When I asked where we were, Mike said Adie’s. (Not his real name.)

I was incoherent still. “Can i lie down?”, I asked sheepishly. Adie showed me upstairs to his bedroom. “Lie down there mate. I’ll pop up in a bit.”

I’m high, alert, off it, delirious, tripping, hallucinating and I feel bad. I wanted it to stop. Face into the pillow, I barely noticed anyone coming into the room but for the light. I was unaware i was being undressed straight away. I didn’t notice him taking off my shoes, jeans and underwear. I was confused when I was lifted up and my t shirt was being pulled off. Then panic set in. “No, what are you doing? Get off me, wheres Mike?” That’s when Ade forced me back onto the bed, lay on top of me and forced his tongue in my mouth. . A drug fucked kiss, didn’t scare me but he whispered “you little prick tease, we’re going to fuck your arse”. He turned me over hard, so I was face down, a fore arm choking my neck and then he was inside me. No warning, no condom< nothing. I couldn’t do anything but hoarsely whisper “no, stop” because his forearm was seriously choking my windpipe. I couldn’t get him off as he was too heavy. I was pinned . The pain in my arse floored me and worsened as he pushed himself all the way in. I must have screamed as best as I could, but with restricted air, it was almost unheard. I was a virgin and so I hadn’t douched, engaged in foreplay, had any lubrication and so I tightened up even more, . The pain was excruciating. I screamed, “no”, grabbing a breath, biting his forearm as hard as i could. He screamed. He retaliated by punching me in the side of the head, again and again. “Ill fucking kill you, you fucking prick tease, were gonna fuck you, fucking cunt … stop fighting it you little prick, ill beat your fucking lights out, take my dick…”, he whispered these words into my ear when I started to realise I could t stop him or fight him off.

Then Mike was inside me. No warning. I knew because Adie said “fuck him, thats it, fuck his arse.” I was still tight and the pain was worse. Burning, hot, pain like i was being punched inside over and over. Then Adie forced his unwashed dick my mouth, choking me. My gag reflex had me vomiting except my stomach was empt. Dry heaving, struggling to breathe.

I used all my strength to get away, fell on the floor and scrambled to the door but they were on top of me, and suddenly I heard the thumps of hard punches to my back, around my kidneys. So winded, beaten, immobilised and terrified, they lifted me onto the bed without any fight. I realised that flight was impossible. I was left with that awful choice so many rape victims face. Fight and face potential violence or worse consequences. So I made the choice. I Accepted the rape. I Let it happen. And I feel shame and feel to blame. That makes no sense but thats how it feels.

And so I let it happen. The body and mind protect you. I know they came inside me twice each perhaps. But time was suspended. Body shuts down. Depersonalisation.

All told, I know it lasted between 3 to 4 hours. I don’t know how long it was after they stopped raping me to when i got dressed. I must have taken a while to realise they stopped and i was alone. A clock said 6am. I crept down the stairs and they were both asleep in the lounge. I ran as fast as i could, out the front door which i didn’t even close behind me, fearing noise might wake them.

The rape was far more than I have written here. They were verbal too. “Prick tease”, “faggot”, “cocksucker”, “cunt” saying things like how I deserved everything they gave me a lot i have forgotten over the years.

I walked home ever so slowly. There was none around. No-one to beg for help. No-one to just look at and feel human again for a second. Hours seemed to go by for that 4 mile walk. I looked in my mirror hours later in the entrance hall. Split lip, blackened reddened cheek. I lifted up my t shirt, and failed to cry when i saw the black bruising on my lower back and his teeth marks near the base of my neck…. When I saw the mess of blood, shit, their semen and sweat behind me…

I felt sore. Dirty. Beyond shock. Unable to cry.

There is a smell to rape that is indescribable. Its a smell that you never forget but fear to remember. A smell that makes you want to wash your entire body, to purge your entire being of it.

Then comes the inevitable self blame. I took drugs. Did I give mixed signals? Did my politeness, suggest yes i wanted sex?. I said “no, stop”, maybe it wasn’t loud enough, maybe it wasn’t believable enough. The self blame of the last 30 years.

The truth is, it was not my fault.

I was vulnerable.

I said no.

And my virginity, was something that I wanted to hose to give to a man, someone i loved, someone of my choosing when I wanted.

To be continued: the aftermath.

Theft, And Wandering Around Lost by Cocteau Twins

The man is an offender

He took my value

And I give back his shame

And I take back my power

My body is my own

My body is mine alone

And I deserve protection

And I can create it for you

Is this what my body said?

"Use me

Drain me

Fall around me"

Is this what my body said?

"Engulf me

I'm already dead"

I have a feel of things

Cry and shakes the wall for you

And I am moving to poison love

And drown the stars above you

My body is my own

My body is mine alone

And I deserve protection

And I can create it for you

Is this what my body said?

"Use me

Drain me

Fall around me"

Is this what my body said?

"Engulf me

I'm already dead"

Keep cutting myself on the edges of reality

Keep cutting myself on the edges of reality

Is this what my body said?

Keep cutting myself on the edges of

"Use me Reality

Drain me

Fall around me"

Is this what my body said?

Keep cutting myself on the edges of

"Engulf me Reality

I'm already dead"