#david sheff

[tavolgisvist]

'Just call him on the phone'

Q: Aside from the millions you’ve been offered for a reunion concert, how did you feel about producer Lorne Michaels’s generous offer of thirty-two hundred dollars for appearing together on Saturday Night Live a few years ago?* A: Oh, yeah, Paul and I were together watching that show. He was visiting us at our place in the Dakota. We were watching it and almost went down to the studio, just as a gag. We nearly got into a cab, but we were actually too tired. Q: How did you and Paul happen to be watching TV together? A: That was a period when Paul just kept turning up at our door with a guitar. I would let him in, but finally I said to him**, “Please call before you come over. It’s not 1956, and turning up at the door isn’t the same anymore. You know, just give me a ring.” He was upset by that, but I didn’t mean it badly. I just meant that I was taking care of a baby all day, and some guy turns up at the door … But anyway, back on that night he and Linda walked in and he and I were just sitting there watching the show, and we went, Ha-ha, wouldn’t it be funny if we went down, but we didn’t. Q: Is that the last time you’ve seen Paul? A: Yes, but I didn’t mean it like that.

<...> Q: You say you haven’t really listened to Paul’s work and haven’t really talked to him since that night in your apartment— A: Really talked to him, no, that’s the operative word. I haven’t really talked to him in ten years. Because I haven’t spent time with him. I’ve been doing other things and so has he. You know, he’s got twenty five kids and about twenty million records out — how can he spend time talking? He’s always working.

(John Lennon, 1980, All We Are Saying, David Sheff)

*It was in 25 April 1976 **it was in 26 April 1976

Well, when I, when I was Just a little baby boy, Every night, every night I would call, Because your number, you know, Brought me such sweet joy. I've called your name, John, Every night since then But I ain't never, no, no, never Heard you calling me, My sweet, sweet babe, So, you know, you better call me back again, I call your operator but I still can't get through to you, Call me back again

(Call Me Back Again, presumably, 10 June 1976, Seattle)

Tell me, is she everything i see Or is she really not the one for me? We know, and though some may disagree But do they know the way we want to be? <…> Building something One thing made to last And holding something Special from the past And do I still believe in stories we've been told***? Are all the things she brings me worth their weight in gold? Oh yeah, (oh yeah) pure gold

(Pure Gold, Paul for Ringo, 1976)

***I remember when John and I were first hanging out together, I had a dream about digging in the garden with my hands. I’d dreamt that before but I’d never found anything other than an old tin can. But in this dream I found a gold coin. I kept digging and I found another. And another.The next day I told John about this amazing dream I’d had and he said, ‘That’s funny, I had the same dream’. So both of us had this dream of finding this treasure. And I suppose you could say it came true. I remember years later talking about it – ‘Remember that dream we had?’; ‘Yeah, that was far out’. So the message of that dream was: keep digging lads.'

(Paul McCartney to The Big Issue, Feb. 2012)

After you've gone And left me crying After you've gone Ain't no deny You'll feel blue You'll feel sad You'll miss the dearest pal that you ever had

There'll come a time And don't you forget it There'll come a time When you'll regret it****

Someday when you grow lonely Your heart will break like mine You want me only After you've gone After you've gone away

(After You've Gone, 1977, Paul's version - 'just for fun' as he said - of a 1918 popular song written by Turner Layton and Henry Creamer, and it's Frank Sinatra's (and Sophie Tucker!) version.

****the line 'Don't you forget it/When you'll regret it' reminds another old (not as old like After You've Gone but old) song -  I Love You And Don't You Forget It by Perry Como. The song, what our lads were singing in their early years so playfully:

Klas Burling: Tell us something about how you find a song… how you get the idea about a song, to write it down. John: Well, sometimes it's the words first, and then the music after. Klas Burling: Very often you've got a title, you know… Me and you, and everything like that? Paul: Yeah. We try to do that, to make it personal so it's… so we really mean it. When we sing a thing about 'I love you,' it's easier. John: (singing) 'And don't you forget it!' John & Paul: (singing together, jokingly) 'I love you and don't you forget it!' Paul: Well, you see, it's easier than singing something about the cat that lives on the hill, man. (laughter) Paul: It's a lot easier just to sing about what you feel yourself.

(August 23 1963, interview with Klas Burling)

Was I just dreaming or was it only yesterday I used to hold you in my arms And now a baby, and a another on the way [Indescernable] in a farm Now must we be alone? If it don’t feel right, don’t do it If it don’t look right, look right through it If it don’t feel right, don’t do it Just call him on the phone

(John Lennon, Real Life, Feb 1977)

We'd had a bread strike over here***** and I rang him and I was saying, What are you doing? He says. I'm baking some bread.' 'Oh! Me too.' Imagine, with the stereotypes, John and Paul talking about baking bread.

(Paul McCartney, May 2001, interview for Mojo magazine)

*****a bread strike in England was in Nov 1978

Q: Do you regret that your life has become so public? A: I realized that a good fifteen years ago. I remember actually thinking when I went on holiday somewhere, ‘God I’d really better start thinking now about keeping a few countries aside where we don’t sell records. I won’t be able to go anywhere without being recognized.’ But now I think, ‘Really, I’ve reached the point of no return. There’s no going back.’ Even if I didn’t want to sing anymore, I’d just be like Greta Garbo or Brigitte Bardot. They both retired but you’d never know it. John said this to me a year before he died. He said, ‘Be careful what you wish for, it might just come true.’ That’s the way I look at it. I wished for all this and I got it. To regret it would mean I’d have to sit here and live with negative thoughts about it. I know that would only sink me. Even if I had feelings of regret my personality would not really let them out. ‘Look mate, you don’t regret it. Look on the other side,’ that’s me. Not to sink. I always used to do that instinctively, and not allow too many negative thoughts to surface.

(Paul McCartney, April/May 1982, interview for Music Express)

The couple of years after the Beatles broke up it was very touchy because I think we suspected each other of business manoeuvres. So anyone would ring up, it would be like, “Why is he ringing?” And when you put up the defensive like that it’s very difficult to say, “I’m not! Honest!” You just don’t know where to put yourself. So we had a lot of those ups and downs for quite a few years. But the favourite thing was that if ever we talked not business – and what we ended doing, actually, was make a rule not to talk business on the phone – and on those occasions, we had really good vibes, man. And it was great; we just talked kids, we talked family, we talked cats, we talked life, rather than, “oh, what songs are doing with x business affair?” And one of the great things for me, one of the consolation prizes after John was killed, the only thing– you know, you find yourself holding on to little bits of wreckage to keep yourself afloat. And with me it was the fact that our last phonecall was really one of the best we ever had together; it was really warm, we were really friends again.

(Paul McCartney, 1984, interview for CBS Morning News)

Q: Do you remember your last conversation with John? A: Yes. That is a nice thing, a consoling factor for me, because I do feel it was sad that we never actually sat down and straightened our differences out. But fortunately for me, the last phone conversation I ever had with him was really great, and we didn’t have any kind of blowup. It could have easily been one of the other phone calls, when we blew up at each other and slammed the phone down. Q: Do you remember what you talked about? A: It was just a very happy conversation about his family, my family. Enjoying his life very much; Sean was a very big part of it. And thining about getting on with his career. I remember he said, “Oh, God, I’m like Aunt Mimi, padding round here in me dressing gown”– robe, as he called it, ’cause he was picking up the American vernacular –“feeding the cats in me robe and cooking and putting a cup of tea on. This housewife wants a career!” It was that time for him. He was about to launch Double Fantasy.******

(Paul McCartney, Dec 1984, interview for Playboy)

******Double Fantasy released 17 November 1980

I was lucky. The last few wee... months that he was alive, we’d managed to get our relationship back on track. And we were talking and having real good conversations. Real nice and friendly.

(Paul McCartney about This One, interview with Bernard Goldberg for the TV series 48 Hours, 1989)

[johnnyhatesducks]

[toalltheangels]

Have you seen my beautiful boy?

I have my very own beautiful boy, hope he's okay out there

[elysian101]

If you could take all the words in the language, it still wouldn't describe how much I love you. And if you could gather all those words together, it still wouldn't describe what I feel for you.

• Beautiful boy

[ruffsabbath]

Saddest but most relatable movie ever.

[addictivecontradiction]

Beautiful boy, 2018

[pmak2002]

I watched Beautiful Boy with a Friend of mine who also loves Timothee but hadn’t seen it before.

I thought because I watched it before it wouldn’t hurt as bad

Nope it was almost worse because I knew what was going to happen.

Despite how sad it was my friend liked it and once again we had the conversation about Timmy didn’t win an Oscar for anything of his work yet not even this.

My soul was crushed again by this film.

💔

[rainbowfunks]

beautiful dilf

[tortellinik1ng]

“Have you seen my son? Have you seen my beautiful boy? Tell him I miss him.”

Just punch me in the jugular next time, it’d hurt less.

[tavolgisvist]

Me and John knowing each other, the fact that both of us independently had already started to write little songs... I said to him, “What’s your hobby?” I said, “I like songwriting,” and he said, “Oh, so do I.” You know, no one I’d ever met had ever said that as a reply. And we said, “Well, why don’t you play me yours and I’ll play you mine.” That is most unusual and most fortuitous, the fact that we should meet and get together.

(Paul McCartney, August 2020, interview with Dylan Jones for GQ)

He [Paul] used to write songs before I even started writing songs. I think he did.

(John Lennon, September 5th, 1971, St. Regis Hotel in New York City, interview with Peter McCabe and Robert Schonfeld)

PLAYBOY: “I’ll Follow the Sun.” LENNON: That’s Paul again. Can’t you tell? I mean, “Tomorrow may rain so I’ll follow the sun.” That’s another early McCartney. You know, written almost before the Beatles, I think. He had a lot of stuff …

(John Lennon, 1980, All We Are Saying by David Sheff, 2020)

[annikamaja8-blog]

"why does it help to read others' stories? It's not only that misery loves company, because (I learned) misery is too self-absorbed to want much company"

-David Sheff, Beautiful Boy

[spooksalotnoel]

The tragedy of Beautiful Boy

Want to start off with a TW, I'll be covering topics of drug abuse, addiction, and death.

I watched Beautiful Boy just a month or two ago for the first time. I saw this movie again just a couple of days ago. I debated on whether or not I wanted to write a post on this movie. I felt as though I couldn't really capture what it is. Instead, I've decided to talk about my experience with addiction and how it's affected me. And I will be relaying that to the movie.

For starters, went into this movie wanting to learn more about how my father felt as he was the addict. My father passed on my birthday from an OD. Watching this movie, I thought, "wow, I wish he didn't feel so alone". At the time of my father being present I couldn't comprehend why he couldn't just stop. I'd never fault my father; he was the best of the best. I know what was happening to him was something he just couldn't control. I had endless love for him, and the real beauty about this movie is that it really showed me what I couldn't see.

I messaged my stepmom who is a recovering addict, she's been sober for 6 1/2; 7 years. I wanted to know how she felt about the movie. I learned that it's hard wanted to stop but not mentally being able to. I also learned that the film, to her at least, was pretty relatable. Like I said before, I can't put into words how much I appreciated this movie. I can't convince you it's good either. I got another opinion from my grandmother. She said it was way too long and it dragged out. Thats when I realized something, this movie cannot touch you if you aren't sensitive to this topic. My heart breaks for those who have gone through loss, addictions, drug abuse. This movie was a huge lesson for me, and I don't regret watching this.

I'm sorry for such a deep post, I hope this reached someone who needed it. I am not sure if I will keep this up, but know you are loved.

[thansxplace]

"It's better to fade away like an old soldier than to burn out. I worship the people who survive. I'lI take the living and the healthy.”

- John Lennon

[addictivecontradiction]

Beautiful boy, 2018

[pmak2002]

okk so i get this request for nic sheff beautiful boy and reader and his dad/parents find out he taking drugs and tries to confront him and he just crying in reader arms just as a movie scene w his dad and thank uuuu

Of course Amon! Thx for the request.

“Nic I can’t believe you’ve been using again. No wonder you’ve been asking for money!” David spats as you and Nic sit on the couch together in the living room of David and Karan’s home. The kids are at school and it’s just you, Nic and David as Karen is out running errands.

As David yells and berates his son. Nic is shaking beside you holding your hand.

“Y/N can’t save you have to save yourself! We are finding you a proper program and you’re staying until we figure this out!” David snarls.

“Please David don’t overwhelm him.” You try to butt In.

“Stay out of this Y/N he is not well and he needs help. You can’t fix him. Us parents can’t fix him. We need to send him somewhere where he will get better!” David snarled.

It had been like this since Nic had first started using drugs. You and Nic had known each other for a long time way before he even started using.

No matter what you were there for him and his family. You were afraid of what would happen if he was sent away again and if it would work. If it wound finally cleanse Nic of this horrible demon.

Nic kept crying and shaking in your arms.

“It’ll be alright Nic we’ll get you better.”

“Y/N he needs to do this on his own we can’t keep coddling him! We’ll support him from the sidelines he needs to work on himself!”

“He can’t be alone David! He won’t want to get better if we just leave him.” You say.

“Y/N please we’ll get him set up in a safe place we won’t have to constantly worry about him.”

You sigh as Nic clings to you sobbing.

“Dad please no.” Nic says so softly you almost don’t hear him.

“You need help Nic and just because you’re an adult doesn’t mean you can’t fix what you did to yourself!” David says

On the day Nic gets dropped off you go to say your goodbye for a while but David wants you to only wave through the door as if Nic is some rabid and dangerous animal.

You hope things will change and Nic will finally get better and get back to the Nic you love.

[wingsoverlagos]

Lewisohn vs. Sheff, revisited

David Sheff's 1980 interview of John and Yoko was the first source I thoroughly plumbed for comparison to Mark Lewisohn's Tune In. It was interesting, engaging, and, most importantly, available at my library, so I picked it as my not-quite-arbitrary starting point.

My source was All We Are Saying (2000), the book made of this interview transcript. At the time, I was asked if there was a chance the discrepencies I'd found were actually errors or changes on the part of Sheff. I didn't think it was likely. In two of his citations to this source, Lewisohn notes transcription errors in All We Are Saying, so surely he would've done that with any other errors he encountered.

Wrong! I came across a YouTube video with 3+ hours of audio from this interview, which allowed me to properly check several of these citations against the source. This is not the full interview audio--I believe it's a supercut of the clips from the Sheff interview that were used in Elliot Mintz's Lost Lennon Tapes radio series--but roughly half of the quotes Lewisohn used are included.

Most of the differences I found between the audio/All We Are Saying were minor, with one exception. I've taken down my original posts and compiled all my updated comparisons here. I've retained some of the images from All We Are Saying where I feel they are still useful in addition to my own transcripts/links to the available audio.

I'll lead with that "one exception", and put the other updates under a cut. This is the notorious "Hitting females" quote, and the audio has introduced quite the puzzle

Tune In 10-9 vs. Sheff (1980) 2:12:10

Lewisohn's version above, Sheff's (2000) version below. I initially assumed Lewisohn had made up the first line of his version of the quote (highlighted in pink), and stuck it onto an actual quote from the interview (yellow). Rather than bringing any clarity, the audio muddies the water further. Take a listen. Audio transcript [emphasis mine]:

JL: That’s Paul and me. His main lick, but lots of the words and parts and bits from me and possibly the others in the studio. All that [sings] “I used to be cruel to my woman and beat her…” That’s me because I used to be cruel to my woman physically. Any woman, y’know. I was a hitter. I couldn’t express myself, and I hit. I fought men, I hit women. I was violent. That’s why I’m always on about peace, you see, it’s the most violent people who go for love and peace, and I sincerely believe in love and peace, but I am absolutely a violent man who has learned not to be violent and regrets his violence. [Sheff interrupts] DS: …the chorus or just the idea for it? JL: Is this Getting Better? Getting Better is his chorus and then both together writing the sort of Chuck Berry-ish sounding, but I know that input about beating was from me and references to school and things like that.

This is the discussion of "Getting Better"--in All We Are Saying, this is where John says the line quoted by Lewisohn. But John Lennon does not say, "I will have to be a lot older before I can face in public how I treated women as a youngster." Not in this context, at least. There are condensed/other edits to some of the Lost Lennon Tape clips (see the discussion of Tune In 16-8, below), but there's no cut here. Sheff spends most of the clip trying to interrupt John, and at the place in the audio where we should hear the "youngsters" quote, John and Sheff have a brief exchange--if there was a cut here, I don't see how it wouldn't be obvious.

So wtf is happening here? I can see two possible scenarios: (a) John does say the "youngsters" line, possibly with Lewisohn's "Hitting females" line, elsewhere in the interview, and Sheff decided to wedge it into this part of the transcript; (b) John never said that, and Sheff, perhaps feeling a tinge of guilt for persistently trying to derail John's train of thought, made up a line that he thought nicely summed up John's remorse.

If scenario b is true, it's farcical--Lewisohn would be quoting a fabricated John Lennon quote, and then further fabricating his own addition. But who can say? If you have audio of this quote--or if you're David Sheff and would like to explain things to me--I would be indebted if you sent it my way.

The rest of the less-interesting audio comparisons are below the cut.

Tune In 3-6 was originally noted as having minor errors; Lewisohn's transcript was actually correct, so it's been removed from the original post.

Tune In 9-13 vs. Sheff 1980 (1:44:28)

The changes I originally noted are actually faithful to the audio source. There's one minor change made in Tune In vs. the audio: the sentence ending in "bitter" doesn't end, but continues, "and the underlying..." The audio segment cuts off before the final sentence/fragment, "It was very traumatic for me."

Tune In 16-8 vs. Sheff 1980 (1:47:26)

As it appears in Tune In:

This one took some puzzling. In the audio on YouTube, there are four different versions derived from two separate retellings of this story. Numbered in order of appearance, there's Version 1, Version 2, Version 3, and Version 4. Version 3 and 4 are two separate retellings of the same story. Version 1 is the same as Version 4, with a small omission early in the clip. Version 2 is cut together from parts of Versions 3 and 4. The quote that appears in Tune In is closest to Version 4, which I've transcribed here:

I would say to the others, when they were depressed, or we were all depressed, y’know, thinking the group was going nowhere and this is a shitty deal, and we’re in a shitty dressing room. I’d say, “Where are we going, fellas?” and they’d go, “ To the top, Johnny” in pseudo-American voices, and I’d say “Where’s that, fellas?” and they’d say, “To the toppermost of the poppermost,” and I’d say “Riiiight.” And then we’d all sort of cheer up.

There’s an unmarked omission after the first “When,” “are” is dropped between “Where” and “we,” “Johnny” is added at the end of the “poppermost” bit, and there are a few small omissions in the second to last sentence. I’ve underlined the last sentence in yellow because it’s still up in the air. It isn’t in any of the above clips, but that doesn’t mean much, since they all cut off where it would otherwise appear. It also isn’t in All We Are Saying, so I’m somewhat inclined to believe it’s a Lewisohn Original, but that's only a hunch.

Tune In 16-15 vs. Sheff 1980 (25:51)

Tune In above, All We Are Saying (p.23) below. My transcription [parts quoted in Tune In emphasized]:

There was a lot of drinking and carousing when we were in Germany, but the stories built out of all proportion. Over the years, they became like legends, you know. If you go to Hamburg now, you’ll hear stories you won’t believe, about me and the other guys and the other rock ‘n’ rollers from Liverpool that were ther

I've retained the original screenshot from All We Are Saying; as you can see, both Sheff and Lewisohn took some liberties there. In Tune In, much of this quote is omitted without indication; what Lewisohn does use is chopped and moved around. I really don't hear the emphasis he puts on "boy's fun," either.

Tune In 21-3 vs. Sheff 1980 (1:19:24)

I originally speculated that this quote was invented by Lewisohn, or at least very loosely based on a kinda similar section about New York. But John does actually wax poetic about France, though Lewisohn’s version still has some problems.

My transcription [parts quoted in Tune In emphasized]:

When I first went to Paris, I was about 21-or actually, I was 21 in Paris, but- The thing was all the kissing and the holding that was going on in Paris. It was so romantic just to be there and see them even though I was 21 and sort of not romantic. I really loved it, the way people would just stand under the tree kissing, and they weren’t mauling each other, they were just kissing.

There’s an unmarked omission after “was so romantic.” The audio clip cuts off after “they were just kissing,” so it’s possible John said the “I really loved it” line again, but it may just be cut-and-pasted from the middle of the quote.

Tune In 28-41 vs. Sheff 1980 (1:51:13)

My transcription:

That’s Paul’s song. He was trying to write a ‘Soldier Boy’ like the Shirelles track. He wrote that in Germany or when we were going to or from Hamburg and back. I don’t think-- I might have contributed something. I can’t remember anything in particular, it was mainly his song.

Sheff's transcript is mostly correct here.

The final sentence in Lewisohn’s quote is fine, but his “I think we helped him a bit” is of his own invention. John says “I don’t think—I might have contributed something,” which is substantially different in certainty, along with who might have helped Paul--"I" meaning John, or "we", meaning the rest of the Beatles.

Tune In 30-2 vs. Sheff 1980 (1:51:32)

Tune In above, All We Are Saying (p.168) below

My transcription:

in the other bedroom in my house at Menlove Avenue in Woolton which was my auntie’s place, the suburbs. I remember the day and the pink eiderdown on the bed…

Both Sheff and Lewisohn omit "in Woolton" as well as "the suburbs"--can't have John Lennon living in the 'burbs! Lewisohn also omits "my house", and brings "auntie's place" forward in the quote.

Tune In 33-18 vs. Sheff 1980 (1:48:15)

This quote appears in the endnote text itself:

My transcription [parts quoted in Tune In emphasized]:

Well, I can’t say I wrote it for George in that way. I was in the first apartment I’d ever had that wasn’t shared by fourteen other students, gals and guys at art school. I’d just married Cyn, and Brian Epstein gave us his secret little apartment that he kept in Liverpool for his sexual liaisons separately from his home life. And he let us- Cyn and I have that apartment. And my mother had always—she was a comedienne. And a singer, but not professional, but y’know, she used to get up in pubs and things like that. And she had a good voice, she could do Kay Starr and all the rest. She used to do this little gag called—that apparently she’d done to me when I was one year old and two year old, when she was still living with me, which was from a Disney movie, [singing] ‘Want to know a secret? Promise not to tell. You’re standing by a wishing well’ Okay? That’s from a Disney movie. So, I had this sort of thing in my head and I wrote it, and just gave it to George to sing. I thought it would be a good vehicle for him cause it only had three notes, and he wasn’t the best singer in the world, he’s improved a lot since then, but in those days, his singing ability was very poor because (a) he hadn’t had the opportunity and (b) he concentrated more on guitar playing than writing songs and singing. So I wrote that sort of--not for him as I was writing it, but as soon as I’d written it, I thought, “He could do this.”

This may seem like a whole lotta transcript for a one sentence quote at the very end, but it will be relevant soon. For now, the sentence itself--I don't consider it erroneous to omit false starts, so that in itself isn't a problem, but Lewisohn corrects John's false start by introducing phrasing he didn't use. He also omits "as I was writing it."

Standard Lewisohn Probs, nothing to write home about, but I paid closer attention to the body text that goes with this citation, and I noticed another issue. Here's the passage from Tune In:

Check out the highlighted passages. "Do You Want to Know a Secret" is "first-born" in the Lennon-McCartney songwriting partnership as codified by Brian Epstein. This is odd. How, exactly, does Lewisohn know this was the first song to come out of this period? John doesn't give a date in the Sheff interview--he places the creation of this song at some point while he lived in Brian Epstien's Falker Street flat, where (cmiiw) he and Cyn lived for a few months. Lewisohn says, "Rarely lacking motivation anyway, the agreement was spurring Lennon and McCartney to step it up as composers, to generate songs the Beatles could use in the studio." To me, "step[ping] it up as composers" implies the creation of multiple songs in this time period, and if that's the case, how can we say "Do You Want to Know a Secret" came first?

It seems a strange thing to say conclusively, another trumped-up tally in the "John" column of Lewisohn's pointless Lennon vs. McCartney dick-measuring contest.

Sources:

Lewisohn M. 2013. The Beatles: All These Years Vol. 1: Tune In. New York (NY): Crown Archetype. [ebook]

Sheff D. 1980. Interview with John Lennon and Yoko Ono. Partial audio available from: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PRDfBGagFkU&t=1582s

Sheff D. 2000. All We Are Saying: The Last Major Interview with John Lennon and Yoko Ono. New York (NY): St. Martin’s Griffin. 229p.