#i also need to get my hands on the original tale

[rapha-reads]

I just finished A Curse So Dark And Lonely, by Brigid Kemmerer, and wow, it might be even better than The Beast's Heart. That's a fantastic twist on Beauty and the Beast's story, and, this time, I'm using fantastic in its literary sense of "a story that starts in the real world and then gets invaded by the magical". Harper is truly awesome and badass, and I would have loved to see Grey's POV through the story, he's so good and loyal. Rhen is interesting insomuch as he's different from what the character of the Prince usually is in these contemporary rewritings. He's much more pro-active in his life and passive in his curse, if that makes sense, while most other Princes linger in their resignation and frustration.

That was such a fascinating read, I can't wait to start writing my thesis on modern rewritings of B&tB and compare it with The Beast's Heart, A Tale of Love and Revenge, Uprooted or Once Upon A Time, Belle. If you guys know more rewritings in contemporary literature of the tale, please do drop recs, the more samples I have for my thesis, the better!

[dolicekiss]

Hey,

I love your writings.❤️Keep it up!

Could you please write a Gellert Grindelwald (Mads Mikkelsen) one-shot, where the reader is Newt‘s sister and an auror at Macusa. He has plotted for years to finally get her and while on an undercover mission, his followers kidnap her. She soon realizes how obsessed he is and try‘s to use those feelings against him. Her plan is to give in on his affection to earn his trust, but it goes further than she thought?(with smut,where he tries to babytrap her?)

♡: thank you so much also this is my first time writin about gellert grindelwald, i hope u like it

A beautiful butterfly

PAIRING: Gellert Grindelwald (mads mikkelsen) x auror!reader

CONTENT WARNING: smut (18+, mdni), kidnapping, power imbalance, obsessed gellert, young reader (age unspecified, gellert is 46), unprotected sex, body worshipping, teasing, baby trapping, breeding kink, praise, a little unhinged gellert, dubcon, kissing.

SYNOPSIS: Being Newt’s sister is prideful for you but it also comes at a high risk. Especially when you’re also an auror often going on undercover missions. All comes crashing down when you're kidnapped by none other than the brainwashed followers of the strongest wizard — Gellert Grindelwald. Realizing he's completely obsessed, you try to outsmart him but the consequences to that come with a heavy price to pay.

Wizards were strong, so were witches.

Being the sister of a renowned wizard and an auror working at MACUSA, you had your own reputation to uphold. Often going on undercover commissions and assignments for the congress you worked for.

Just like that, you were out on an undercover mission once more to bring back information regarding one of the most dangerous beasts — having escaped your brother’s suitcase once more.

You hadn't expected to be caught red handed rummaging through the little drawers, in hopes of finding some knowledge about the beast’s origin. Your wand stayed firm in your hand, fingers flicking through the pages of books.

Not a single person knew where the beast had gone to, hence the ministry sent you to look for him. You were the best at being a sneaky little spy, so when you were apprehended by a flock of dark wizards and witches, it left you flummoxed.

Your endeavor to flee proved to be futile when they somehow took your only protection from you, the wand. There was no point in fighting them. They overpowered you and you were in no mood to be turned into an orb cursed to roam the earth for all of eternity.

Or worse, a frog.

Your vision was concealed with a dark blindfold. There was no way you could see where they were talking you but you knew they used their teleportation to deliver you to whoever that commanded them. Confusion had clouded your mind — hoping that this captivity was based on a simple misunderstanding.

Your pleas fell upon deaf ears.

They didn't harm you, only telling you to keep your mouth shut and not make noise. There was no way you could tell where you were and when all the noise swirled into silence, your blindfold was pulled open.

In front of you stood Gellert Grindelwald, most probably the strongest dark wizard of all time.

You'd seen him and what he could do. He'd proved himself capable and strong when half of the aurors at MASUCA left and converted to his side. The tales of it were all known but you were never a part of it. How did he get his hands on you and why did he? When all of it happened, you were tending to other needs of the ministry.

If his intention was to also manipulate you into switching to his side, that wouldn't work at all. You were loyal, a firm believer in keeping humanity safe and oblivious to the magic that breathed beneath the earth’s core.

You analysed your surroundings.

The room was beautiful. High, beige colored walls. Spectacular carvings decorating the ceiling and the massive chandelier hanging from it gave away at the opulence of this room. The curtains were made of smooth georgette, keeping away the lovely moonlight from illuminating the room.

Candle holders were everywhere, on the drawers — to the vanity table. Your breath shuddered at just how breathtaking the room actually was.

“Do you like it?” He asked, staring at you with the same gaze with which you scanned the room.

You took a step back, calves coming in contact with the bed. “What?”

“The room. I got it decorated for you, do you like it?” You licked your lips in nervousness, staring at the man in confusion. Did he give all his followers such rooms, such beautiful rooms? Is that why they were this influenced into following him?

You blinked at him. “If you think by presenting me with such a glamorous looking room, I will give in to you then you are absolutely wrong. I have and will always be loyal to the Congress.”

Your voice was hard, tone stern as you stared at him with furrowed eyebrows. Gellert let out a small laugh, shaking his head at you then he closed some of the distance between the two of you by stepping forward. Your body reacted by pressing your calves deeper into the bed.

“I could never, my love. How dare I to win your love by such meaningless little presents?” You blinked, again. Dumbfounded by his choice of words.

The sparkle in his different colored eyes was glinting. “It is only to maks you happy. This, and all the other gifts I have prepared for you, my love.”

“Grindelwald, do you believe you can make me join you by manipulating me through your affections?” You asked, a finger pointing at him. Your tone was laced with pure venom. This was the enemy, not someone you could possibly have a love affair with.

And why was he even talking to you like he was madly in love with you? This made no sense to you whatsoever. Gellert stepped towards you, hands intertwined behind his back.

“It is no manipulation. You have captivated me ever since I saw you with Newt, and all the other aurors of the Congress.” His words were of pure deceive, you thought you knew that but you were oblivious to the raw obsession which had blossomed for you in Gellert’s heart when he'd laid his gaze upon you.

Gellert inhaled a deep breath, shutting his eyes shut when you bit on your lower lip in a moment of frustration. “I have searched everywhere for you, my butterfly. I put hold on my ambitious and goals to look for you and here I have you finally.”

From Gellert’s expression, he appeared entirely drawn and infatuated. This was a spell which you'd unknowingly put on him, one you didn't know how to take off him but as a loyal auror to the MACUSA, you could use this to your own advantage.

And so a cunning plan cooked in your mind.

“You mean to tell me you're in love with me?”

Gellert shook his head. “I'm gone far beyond that, to the point of no return. I mastered dark magic to a dangerous extent just to locate you.”

You felt your skin crawl at his words. This was something dark — something that could swallow you whole if not careful. Your gaze lingered over to his face, holding unwavering eye contact with him. “If I don't reciprocate these emotions, will you burn me like how you burned those other aurors?”

Your words a poisonous reminder of his past actions. Newt had told you how him and the aurors barely managed to survive Grindelwald’s dark, fire magic. It had almost managed to consume them all and you were apprehensive to meet the same fate.

Gellert’s eyes softened. Eyebrows dropping, akin to a puppy. “Rest assured, my beautiful butterfly. I could never inflict such harm upon you ever. You can take your sweet time.”

A smile had ceased his features.

Instead of responding to him, you sat down on the bed. Knees bunching up to your chest, in a hostile position. A sigh dropped from your shuddering lips and your eyes trailed up to his face.

“Will you keep me locked up in this room?”

Gellert’s blue eye twitched. “Absolutely not. I wish you to roam the perimeters of my fine establishment but, you mustn't escape and in order for that to happen, I will have to trust you.”

Your eyes dropped to the marbled floor. It reflected the yellow candlelight as you sent him a slow nod, suffocating the conversation right then and there. Begging him to release you would hardly work in your favor so you decided to play smart. Returning his affections until you'd win his trust was the route you chose for yourself.

But you didn't know it would end differently than what you'd anticipated.

— ♡ —

Gellert kept you locked in your room for days, only visiting when he brought you food or other basic necessities. You were beginning to miss the feel of your beautifully sculpted wand between your fingers albeit the awareness of never receiving it ever again tug at your heartstrings.

You couldn't tell how long it had been.

Surely had to be more than two weeks.

A knock on the door interrupted your thoughts and you gave your consent. Gellert had respected your privacy, as obsessed and infatuated he was. He'd never dare to barge into your room without your permission but that didn't mean he would stay behind the closed doors for a long period of time.

An auror entered.

You knew that because it was the same auror which used to work under MACUSA at one point, the same auror which would bring you your meals when Gellert was not available to tend to you. You'd expected a tray of all sorts of edible flavoursome pleasantries decorated on a tray but the woman's hands were empty.

“He's waiting for you at the library, if you'd follow me.”

Your eyes widened in an elemnt of surprise.

Finally you were being let out and you couldn't contain the excitement within you. Still you tried to stay cool in front of the auror, nodding at her as you moved in pursuit of her. Through bright and moderate hallways — nothing could compete with the inside of your room and its walls.

A beautiful golden cage.

For his beautiful butterfly.

As you entered the library, your lips were agape. The view before you was the most beautiful ever. You'd expected a dull library, one you had back at your work place but this? This was completely captivating. A spectacular view of the sea greeted you through the large window. Gellert stood by the parapets, staring ahead.

Your heart beat picked up.

When he felt your presence, he was quick to turn around. A smile plastered on his face upon seeing you, silver locks neatly combed to the side. You slowly walked upto him, hesitation clear like crystal in your movements and Gellert couldn't wait for you to fully accept him.

You'd been obedient.

Ate your meals on time, listened to him, conversed with him and he could feel a sense of camaraderie had formed between the two though he ached for more. Friendship was not what he aimed with you. There were unnerving desires flogging within his core and he needed to set them free.

“Come here.”

You stood closer to him, hand on the glass railing. Your eyes ran across the potent waves of the sea crashing at the shore, and calming down. It was a repeated sight but you couldn't have enough of it.

“Its a beautiful sight, no?”

You nodded to him, focusing your attention on Gellert. “Yeah. It's breathtaking.”

“Nothing compares to you.” He so casually said and you wondered just how did you even manage to become the object of his affections and desire? It was hard to believe that he fell for you in a simple glance. Love at first sight coming from a dark wizard was of amusement.

Yet you didn't say anything about it.

“Gellert.” You called out, sharply taking in a breath. “Why me? I'm the sister of the man who seeks to destroy you. It is only natural for you to dislike me too.”

“We're wizards and witches, my butterfly. There is nothing natural about us.” He scoffed, shaking his head.

But he hadn't answered your question and he noticed the disarray on your face. Gellert’s hand lifted from the wood nailed into the tempered glass railing, reaching to cup the side of your face. Thumb settled over your chin in a gentle touch.

This was the first time in the two weeks you'd been here when he touched you.

His hands were cold, like he had no blood pumping through his veins. Your lips shuddered at the spark contrast of your warm skin against his cold blooded hand.

“You're kind.” He said, like it was the most beautiful thing ever about you. “You're so full of kindness and love for these animals, these filthy animals. Knowing you'll always be above them, be superior yet you protect them like they are your own.”

Your head tilted, bemused. “Don't you find them less than you? If you look down upon them, why did my kindness towards them intrigue you to the point of capturing me?”

Gellert’s eyes wandered. His other hand formed into a fist when he noticed how you gulped, the subtle movement of your throat sending him into a whirlpool. A turmoil of poorly contained desired and wanton exploding. The way your lips shuddered when he touched you. To you, he appeared calm and collected but on the inside Gellert was fighting his own demons.

“Because if you're so kind to love the muggles, you'd be kind enough to embrace me too.” The soft feeling of his gentle strokes over your cheek almost made you forget about everything.

The cunning plan. Winning his trust and escaping him was put on halt in that moment when Gellert stepped closer to you, face only an inch apart. His lips hovered above yours and you inhaled — warm breath mingling with his cold one.

He took your lips into a sweet kiss and you allowed him to, all a new step into the plan. To use his own feelings against him, find a way out and never look back. If you were to fight your way out of here, Gellert would end you with one swing of his wand. He'd mastered magic that was beyond your understanding even.

His other hand moved to hold your waist and you sighed into the kiss, tilting your head into giving him more access. Gellert’s tongue pried open your mouth for him, slipping into the warmth your cavern had to offer him. His tongue battled with yours but you'd already given up on winning, letting him consume you.

Before it could increase, evolve into something way past your comfort level, you retreated. Gellert’s hand ached to tighten around your waist but he held back, holding onto the tethered pieces of his self control.

Your chest rose up and down, the kiss having left you in a daze. You took a few steps backwards and then turned around, running out the library back to your room. Gellert not following you was a hint that he had finally begun to trust you.

You found yourself in the same room. Fingers trailing lines over your lips, a feeling best foreign to you spreading in your chest as well as stomach. You didn't know what was going on but there was only your freedom on your mind.

And the kiss.

The sweet kiss.

You were torn between following up with your plan and submitting to the sweet kiss. This was confusing and you dropped onto the bed, burying your face within your pillows.

— ♡ —

Days passed after the last encounter with him which included a kiss. He would come by, only for a few moments. Gellert would try to build conversations with you, in hopes that one day you might welcome him with open arms. You'd respond too, to slowly slither your way underneath the cloak of his trust. It wasn't such a difficult task because soon, Gellert had sent one of his followers with a dress for you.

The auror had placed the box on the bed and with the simple instructions to get ready and meet her outside, she left. You were baffled but still peeled open the nicely packed box and it revealed a beautiful dress.

A pale one, off shouldered with puffy sleeves and layers of fabric. You zipped yourself into it after a shower and then left the room, the woman leading you to a garden you didn't even know existed. Filled with magical beauty, you were in complete awe.

A table had been set. Decorated with all sorts of delicious looking pleasantries. The fairy lights illuminating the furniture was such an endearing sight. You walked further and found Gellert standing there and when he saw you, he extended his hand out for you.

You held onto it.

“God, you look absolutely breathtaking. I could devour you instead of my meal.” His comment caused the blood to rush to your cheeks. His thumb caressing the side of your hand as he lead you to the table.

After taking a seat at the table, Gellert also followed and sat across you. The dress made you appear nothing less than a beautiful fairy that had lost her way here. Grindelwald was completely enchanted by you — his hands and body aching to become one with you.

“I prepared this for you, for us, my butterfly.”

You nodded in acknowledgement.

Honestly no one had ever done this much for you. You had partners in the past but this? They could never reach Grindelwald’s level and it only worked to perplex you further.

You both started to eat.

“Do you like the food?”

You nodded. “It's very flavoursome. Thank you, Gellert.”

Everytime you said his name, he felt the chills in his bones. He often pondered late at night how you'd sound like when he's inside you, when he's completely buried deep within the warmth you had to offer. Gellert had appeared nothing less of a gentleman to you but only he knew of his deepest, most sickest desires for you.

Your voice was so soft.

An ache in him grew to hear you moan.

You both enjoyed your meal in silence and you reached over to grab a strawberry from the silver bowl, bringing it to your lips. You took a bite, relishing in its taste as a moan escaped you. Grindelwald was over the moon.

If these were the sounds you were supposed to make, his pants were already tightening.

After a moment, you two had finished eating and Gellert rose up from his seat. Sauntering towards you and holding his hand out for you, to hold.

You slipped your hand into his and stood up, walking in pursuit of him. The man lead you somewhere deep into the garden, a pathway made of stones that you carefully maneuvered your way on. Behind the bushes was concealed a bed — with see through pale curtains falling from its side. It had no roof over it, an unlimited view to the sparkling open sky.

“Gellert?” You asked, in burning anticipation.

He didn't listen to you, only pulled you along to the bed. He sat you down and then took a seat next to you, his hand still holding onto yours. “I've got something for you.”

He snapped his fingers and then multiple butterflies, in all sorts of colors, came flapping their wings. Your eyes enlarged and a smile automatically made its way to your features upon the sight. They were so beautiful and you loved how they moved their wings, a black butterfly with a holographic blue wings setting on your thigh.

You didn't touch it.

Only watched it.

“Gellert they're so gorgeous.” You whispered, impressed by this act of his. The butterflies had covered the area and you couldn't help bit try to capture a few, bridled by their beauty.

“Makes you want to capture them, doesn't it? How beautiful they are. You wish to keep them in a cage, only for you to look and touch.” Grindelwald had just given you and shown you a perfect example of your own situation and how he felt for you.

But you were a human.

A butterfly was a — butterfly.

Yet you couldn't help the guilt from spreading.

You stared at him, as the butterfly flapped its wings in front of you both. Gellert leaned forward, once again grasping your lips with his own. This time he had no intention of letting you leave.

His hands fell down to your waist, caressing it through the fabric. Lips wrapping around your lower lip, sucking on it like it could produce nectar at any given moment. Your back arched into the kiss and he immediately took that as you wanting more.

Gellert’s hands flew to the zipper of your dress, tugging it down. His fingers caressing along your spine in the process and your bated breath mingled with his. His tongue swirled around yours and when the dress dropped down to your waist, you gasped.

Your breasts were exposed and Gellert broke the kiss to admire them. He looked at you and you fought the urge to allow him — knowing that this was going too far into the plan you'd cooked up in your head. These were the consequences to your own actions.

“Gellert, please wait.” You breathlessly said.

He stopped. “Don't stop me now. I have waited years to have you.”

Before you could oppose, Gellert had already taken your breasts into his hand. Fondling the fat – playing with it. His fingers pinched and tugged and your lips released soft little whimpers. His hands were cold as ice and a hiss left you.

He took one erect nipple into his mouth as he undid the black bow at his tuxedo, letting it fall apart. Gellert sucked while toying with the other one and panic flooded in. You couldn't possibly let him go further with his, knowing that it wasn't your plan to do so but denying him right now could lead to suspicion.

As you tried to think of ways to make him stop, the desire burning in your core soon sheened your brain. Your hands hesitantly reached to tangle in his hair and feeling that response made Gellert act out more.

A form of consent, he took it as.

But in reality you couldn't do anything other than submit to the pleasure.

“You've got such a beautiful body.” He commented, hands dropping from your breasts and cupping your waist. His hands caressed your skin like it was a rare gem found among coal — only for the most fortunate ones. Your spine was erect and then Gellert pulled back.

His hands pushing your body down and you allowed him to, having no escape. The cold air mixed with his icy touch only worked as his allure. Gellert rid you of the dress, unveiling your glorious frame to his desperate gaze and he sharply breathed.

Chest rising up and down.

“Undress me, butterfly.” You swallowed, nervous at his command of your indulgence as well.

Your arms extended, fingertips pushing off the black coat off him. Gellert noticed the tremor in your hands and he couldn't care anymore. He'd waited years for this moment, to finally get his hands on you. It was cruel of you to expect more wait from him.

Your fingers undid the buttons of his white shirt and pried it open, exposing his broad chest. Gellert took one of your hands into his, bringing it upto his lips to deliver a firm kiss to it. Your heart beat fastened at that action.

Hands tugging at the buckle of his pants, you undid it and then tossed the belt somewhere in the garden. Gellert’s fingers caressed along your thigh, gently tapping at the exposed skin, gaze hungry and full of lust. Your breath hitched when he opened you to him, exposing your cunt.

You felt deeply ashamed of the saturation that had occured in your cunt.

You were an auror, a loyal auror to the Congress but here you were, involved in such sin with the dark wizard. The one who'd killed many of your colleagues and wished to change the order of the world.

Gellert slipped his own pants off along with his briefs. You were two naked bodies about to entangle and the idea terrified you. How could you ever possibly go back from this? Bring yourself to forget about this when its done?

You braced yourself in the name of a small sacrifice for an eternity of freedom.

Gellert’s hand found its way between your thighs and you let out a broken breath. His fingers trailing over your cunt — collecting your arousal. He was pleased with what he saw.

You were such a gorgeous girl. Laying before him with the moonlight illuminating your each feature, each flaw, all the beauty spots you had. Your hair like the waves of the sea, sprawled across the bed akin to vines that had trapped Gellert in their tight embrace. The constant twitching of your lips, the way heat prickled your cheeks and turned them beetroot. Gentle strokes of red paint over your canvas like skin.

He leaned forward to occupy your lips in a rough kiss.

He was a fucking mess and the grip on his self control was beginning to become lose.

Gellert’s fingers were coated in your slick and then he entered your pussy, swallowing the whimper which escaped you. His finger alone filled you and when you'd grown used to it, he added another one all while consuming your tongue.

You tilted your head to the side, your arms moving to wrap around his nape. Gellert fucked his fingers into your pussy, loving how tight you were. He could only imagine how delirious he would feel once he was inside your sweet cunt.

“G-Gellert.” You whimpered into the kiss, trying to break apart. “I can't breathe, Gellert.”

He didn't care. You could tell the man was losing any ounce of self control he once possessed, his lips pressing up against yours in a tight kiss. Spit coating your swollen lips and you gasped, to inhale, only for him to push his tongue inside your mouth. Roaming the warmness of it, he was kissing you feverishly.

His fingers plunged in and out of you and your back arched off the sheets. Your cunt throbbing due to the sensation being delivered to it. He curved his fingers and pushed into the gummy spot — a shriek breaking through you in the lip lock.

Gellert broke the kiss to breath.

As he stared down at you, he couldn't help but grow painfully harder and you swallowed when you caught glimpse of that. You could practically feel his cock against your knee and you sighed at the feeling.

“One kiss and you look like you'll pass out at any given moment.” He whispered, loving the way your lips puckered up and redenned over s single kiss.

A single, vigorous kiss of raw passion and infatuation.

“That wasn't a kiss.” You breathed, touching your lips with your fingers. “I-It felt like you were going to eat me at any second.”

Gellert chuckled at your words. He was glad you could feel his love for you through his actions. He was conscious about not possessing enough affection for you to acknowledge his love but he was pleased that you caught onto it.

His fingers worked their way, to prepare you and your arms flew back to his nape. Breath released in shattered little whines as he now added another form of pleasure by massaging your clit. The nerves being stimulated sent you to a different world — back rising from the mattress and lips falling apart.

Gellert felt you tighten.

“Going to cum, sweet girl?” You nodded at him, your thighs shivering.

Before you could chase after your release, he stopped. You whined in frustration, staring at him through hooded eyes. “W-Why?”

After asking him that, you wanted a void to open up and swallow you. You were not on his team, not a part of him, how could you beg for his touch? A release from a man like him? It all tore you apart and confused you.

“You're going to cum with me. On my cock, my beautiful butterfly.” He whispered, the gleam in his blue eye giving away his desire.

You shuddered when he pressed the fat head of his cock against your clit and you whimpered at the contact. Gellert licked his lips, dragging his head down and soon entering you.

The moment he did, you threw your arms around him. His hips pushed forward and his cock fully sunk into you. Your back arched when you felt him glide against your walls — your sinful arousal helping him in the process of it. Gellert couldn't help he was finally one with you.

Body entangled with yours.

Gellert brought his hands to cup your face and stared down at you, face at a close proximity with yours. He stared in your eyes, gaze flickering between your lips. “You okay?”

You nodded. The stretct of his cock had you delirious and you gasped when he moved inside you. Pulling his cock out only to slide it back inside. A constant rhythm of suppressed desires. “It'll feel good, my butterfly. I'll make sure that I please you first. I'm a selfish man but not when it comes to the pleasures of the woman I love.”

He leaned forward to kiss you and you, to your own shock, gave in. Letting him to kiss you like his life depended on it while the pace of his thrusts picked up. Gellert’s hands fell from your face, falling down to grip the curves your body you had to offer. Hands trailing up and down.

He felt as though he was in the presence of a goddess.

Tilting his head, he kissed you with profound fervour, as if to embed you with his taste. Gellert’s tongue occupied your mouth, teeth crashing with teeth. The kiss grew intense and so did the movement of his hips as he drove his cock into you. Thrusting and then you cried out in the moan when he fucked into you a little deeper.

He grinned.

He'd found that spot of sensitivity.

He broke the kiss to witness you all before him. A broken beauty that was finally within his grasp and there was no way he was ever going to let you go. He couldn't believe you'd come to him this easily, this willingly and all of it felt like a dream come true.

Gellert stared at you, admiring you.

“You're so beautiful, it makes me want to give you a child.”

Your eyes widened at his words. In a fit, you attempted to push him off you but Gellert was so blinded by his delusions, he only saw it as your excitement to build with a family with him. His demeanor changed — becoming darker as his hands gripped you by your hips, driving himself into you.

Your little hands tried to reach for him, leaving minor scratches at his shoulders. Gellert was completely far gone, there was no stopping him at all.

“G-Gellert, no.” You managed to stutter out through moans and whimpers.

He ignored it, thinking it to be an imagination.

You were regretting everything. You shouldn't have went ahead with this stupid plan. If you'd shown resistance from the beginning, none of this would've happened. Gellert wouldn't have thought of you to be this pliant and maybe he wouldn't have done this.

A big maybe.

The man was sick. He was going to have you one way another. You being pliant only made things easier for him and upon yourself.

Gellert’s grip tightened as he delivered harsh strokes. With utter determination to get you pregnant. If you were witu child, his child, you wouldn't possibly think of leaving him. Things would be different and everything would fall in his favor.

Your cunt clenched, still on edge from before and he hissed. “No, sweet girl. You will not cum until I am close. We will cum together and I will give you my child, a symbol of our love.”

Tears fell down.

Whether as seeds of your resistance or your pleasure. Unbeknownst to you and Gellert, he felt himself come closer to you.

But then he stalled, picking your leg up and placing it over his shoulder. His hands held your pelvis and his thumbs dug into your skin as his thrusts grew rougher, more firm. You sobbed, stomach tightening and reflexing whenever he slid across your walls.

Gellert groaned. Your pussy gripping his walls, not letting go. A greedy cunt you possessed and Gellert couldn't wait to fill it to the brim with his seed.

“Wish I'd find you sooner.” He grunted, “we would have a child by now but worry not my butterfly, it isn't too late. Is it?”

He was actually expecting you to answer when you were on the brink of falling apart. The irony of him.

“Is.” Gellert thrusted, fucking deeply into you with vigor. “It?”

You shook your head. “N-No. Never t-too late Gellert.”

He nodded his head in satisfaction, leaning down to press a sweet kiss to your lips. He felt his balls throb, and you felt his cock twitch inside you. Gellert was close and he smiled at you, silver strands of hair hovering over his sweaty forehead. “Ready, yeah? Ready, my butterfly?”

He was breathless.

Panting like the same beast that you were supposed to find.

You nodded, desperately. Cheeks blooming a red hue and tears wetting them. Gellert’s thrusts slowed down, as he felt his load seep into your cunt. He filled you to the brim, balls hot and throbbing to produce more. You also unraveled underneath him, eyes rolling back to your skull and chest heaving up. Chills danced across your spine as the blood rushed through your veind. Your whines echoing in the garden in contrast to his animalistic groans.

Gellert twitched, feeling how painfully tight your sweet cunt had gotten around him yet he could only find pleasure in it. Enjoying in the vice like grip. Your greedy pussy sucked him in, drinking each drop of his load, milking him dry.

“Yes. Yes, my love. Take my cock in your cunt like that, milk it fuckin’ dry. You'll make me a father, won't you, my sweet girl?”

There was no point in resisting him. You nodded your head as his hand reached down to cup your cheek, lovingly caressing it. You subconsciously leaned into his touch, an insatiable ache spreading in your chest for it.

When he'd filled you enough, Gellert pulled out and watched as his load dripped out of your gaping hole. His gaze lingering upto you and loving how fucked out you seem. Your arm was over your face, in a shameful attempt to veil it and Gellert reached for it, moving it aside.

“Don't hide yourself from me. You belong to me and I belong to you. There is nothing that should be concealed within us.” He laid next to you, pulling you into him. The hair on his chest slightly prickling against your skin.

You couldn't believe what you'd just done and committed to.

That too with Gellert.

Fucking Gellert Grindelwald.

“Our child will be the strongest wizard or witch ever. I'll see to it.” Gellert pressed a kiss to your head, hiding his face in your neck. The butterflies had disappeared now, the fairy lights dimming on their own.

Darkness consumed the area.

And you too lost yourself in Gellert’s warm embrace. Forever torn between your loyalty as an auror to MACUSA or the ache to be with Gellert.

[mask131]

I am re-reading the Silmarillion, and something strikes me. The women of Tolkien's world have been talked about TO DEATH especially with all the recurring debates surrounding the Rings of Power series.

As we all know, Tolkien was not a "feminist" in the modern sense of the word. He had a very male-centric point of view and appreciation of the world, he had male-driven and male-centered stories, and actual women characters were sparse and rare. There are only five really big female characters in "The Lord of the Rings" - the quintet of Galadriel, Eowyn, Goldberry, Lobelia and Shelob. [No, don't talk to me about Arwen, she only really was a character in the movies, in the book she's just there in the appendix and she was literaly an afterthought of Tolkien to act as Eowyn's romantic double...]

Consider this. Galadriel, Eowyn, Goldberry, Lobelia and Shelob. This tells you everything you need to know about Tolkien's women, in good and bad.

The Silmarillion has the same motif of having a lot of female characters, only for most of them to be just footnotes, secondary characters with no lines, under-developped one-liners... with in a contrast a handful of super-cool, super-badass, complex and developed heroines at the center of the plot.

Aka, on the bad side, when listing the Valar, while Tolkien gives an interesting personality, great domains and cool attributes to all the male ones, half of the female ones are just... there. And do one stuff. And never appear again. I mean come on... Vana and Nessa? Estë and Vairë were done dirty... That's the actual type of "non-feminism" Tolkien has. It isn't about him hating women or trying to be offensive in his depictions - it is about him just, not putting as much thought, effort and care into his female characters as his male ones, a bit the same way he creates the vast expanses of the East and South of Middle-Earth and then never bothers actually developing more of it or seeking to tell tales of it - but that's for another discussion about Tolkien's "racism". Here we talk about women.

But here's the thing, aka the good side... When Tolkien does find the time and care to develop and flesh out a female character, by Iluvatar he goes all out! Again, we are back on what I said earlier: the women of Lord of the Rings can be counted on one hand... but these fingers are Galadriel, Eowyn and Shelob, so you can't claim he isnt writing powerful, important or uninterestng female characters. Which leads me to my original remark - as usual I get driven away in digressions of all sorts and kinds.

Have you ever noticed that Melkor's greatest enemies, the ones he fears the most, and his most effective foes... are women? Tolkien might not like to put them front and center of his tales, and he might have been a man of the early 20th century England in culture and mind, but boy does he has something to say about how women are actually the first enemies of the literal embodiment of evil and destruction! I mean think about it. Varda of the Stars, and Yavanna of the trees. Nienna has her ambiguous relationship to him - her tears work against him, and yet without her plea for him he likely would not have been released from the dungeons of Mandos. You have Melian with her Girdle, and Luthien with her Hound. And of course most of all Arien, guardian of the Sun, not only one of the rare fire spirits that Melkor couldn't corrupt (despite him basically ruling over all fire), but that frightens him so much he keeps hiding away and doesn't even dare to attack her... [I also reblogged some times ago a post praising the brilliance of Tolkien keeping the old European sun-moon motifs but switching the genders. The weaker, inconsistant, lustful, whimsical, disorderly, untrustworthy Moon is now a male principle, while the steady, dangerous, strong, powerful and beautiful Sun is a woman.]

It is actually REALLY easy to do a feminist retelling of Tolkien's work. Melkor doesn't fear Manwë as much as Varda. Aulë's works and servants get corrupted by Melkor, while Yavanna's do not. Melian and Luthien actively works against him. He friggin' pisses himself when the Woman of the Sun shows up. Sure, there are some evil female characters that serve him down the line and are relegated to the "obscure footnotes and undescribed secondary characters" zone - Thuringwethil the vampire or queen Beruthiel. I coul also dropped deleted characters from early drafts, like the ogress Fluithuin. But among them stands Ungoliant... THE only true female big bad on the dark side of Arda. THE badass, nightmarish, creepy eldritch abomination. And who ends up double-crossing Melkor, almost KILLING him, and again making him basically shit in his pants - as Varda and Arien do.

The first enemies of Morgoth are not the Valar, or the Maiar, or the Elves... It's women.

[bilolli]

Just Dance Care AU!

Ok ok so I thought of a story for this Au but it’s nothing really impactful or full of drama and angst like my other au’s, I wanted to leave this au easy and fun to play around, because, let’s say it. Just Dance and drama in the same sentence makes me laugh. 

story and PNG version under the cut!

(I gave up on Y/n design because I couldn't figure out a general look for them. This is you we are talking about! Draw your own JD fit, I'll draw mine soon XD)

Anyway here’s the story so far: 

Year 2029, videogames industry made a huge step forward and classic consoles and devices were substituted by the new and upgraded VR headsets with full body tracking. It’s something like the NerveGear in Sword Art Online without the kill switch. Some games still require you to actually move your body (like fitness games or sports because yeah, they don’t have a purpose otherwise). 

Y/n wanted to buy the newest VR headset but, while searching for the best offer, they found out FazCo entertainment was hosting a giveaway, the prize? One of their prototypes, a VR meant to be released the next year coinciding with the opening of their first mega pizza plex.

(so the plex doesn’t exist right now). You decide to sign up for the giveaway and after a while you receive an email telling you you won the VR headset and that, to claim it, you need to read and sign a series of NDA policies (understandable, it’s a prototype headset that’s not even in commerce). Some clauses are a little bit concerning but nothing you hadn’t read on other electronics booklets, so you decide to sign. After, like, a day, you have the VR in your hands. 

The box let you know with super saturated and colorful writing, that the VR came with a game pre-installed inside. Uh, that’s why they were giving one away, they wanted a free game tester…but you know what, it’s worth it.

You always liked Just Dance games, they make you think about happy memories of your childhood. This pre-installed game called “Five Dances at Freddy’s” is a close copy of your childhood game with original FazCo songs, characters, environments and also some collaborations with other famous artists. It probably will be the cause of a big copyright infringement report.

There are various ways to play it: story mode, Casual dance, Five Dances, and Just Dance Care.

The first one is similar to the casual dance mode but with little cutscenes between a dance and another to tell a tale, Casual dance is how you can play the collab songs, Five Dances is the multiplayer mode and Just Dance Care is a more uhhhh “hard” way to play the game with all the other modes mixed in it. You stare at the description of the last mode smirking and decide to try it first just to see how far you can get before losing (yes you can lose in hard mode in this Just Dance, but you don’t die, you just have to restart from the beginning). Turns out the FazCo wasn’t kidding when they advertised the new headset as a breakthrough in the world of virtual reality headsets, the thing TRANSPORTED you inside the game itself. 

You almost have a heart attack when you can’t find your VR on your head, but before you can try something you are blocked by two tall individuals who you think are the “tutorial” characters. 

Yadda yadda, tutorial, you can pause the game and exit whenever you need just by opening an hidden menu, you find out your tutorial characters are called Sun and Moon and that you are way worse than you remembered at dancing (damn full body tracking, there is no way you are going to do a cartwheel in the middle of a dance, you still don’t know if your body is inside your home and if you’ll physically feel pain if you fall and you don’t want to find out).

You pass an embarrassingly long time trying to win your first dance battle just to discover it was still the tutorial. 

You try to go on with the story but you fail at the first real battle with a bear character named Freddy. 

And guess what? You have to start again from the tutorial! Y/n is gonna spend A LOT of time with Sun and Moon if this goes on.

[thefrogman]

Froggie's Mailbox Adventures

I have been wanting to tell this story for a while now. This all happened right before my birthday and then I got sick for 4 weeks and didn't have the energy to talk about it.

So let us take a trip into the recent past to hear a tale of woe and triumph with a bunch of extra woe interspersed throughout.

It all began on the 4th of July.

Some neighborhood rascals ruined my old mailbox with a baseball bat.

They also destroyed my brand new mailbox sensor that lets me know when there is mail so I don't have to make multiple trips to check.

(Ring replaced it for free, so that was nice.)

Originally, I was going to hire someone to replace the mailbox. But I was not having much luck finding someone who could do that specific task. (I've been having trouble finding help in general due to living in a supposedly "dangerous" area.)

So I decided to try and install the mailbox myself. And I had no idea how much of an adventure that was going to be...

My first step was tearing off the old one to see how it was mounted.

I got some paper and a sharpie and noted where the holes were. And, of course, they didn't line up with the new mailbox.

Which is a really nice mailbox. I mean, it is solid. Check this bad boy out and please don't notice the dirty clothes lying on the floor in the background.

It is always so tempting to save a few bucks and get the cheaper thing, but I am so glad I splurged on this. It looks nice. It functions well. It has magnets. And I don't think it can be baseball-batted without some instant karmic retribution from Newton's third law.

My next step was to get a new mounting plate. And even though I try not to go to Home Depot because it is run by a bunch of conservative religious bigots... I went to Home Depot.

I was a little nervous about leaving the house at the time because I was still struggling with my heart issue (which I think is mostly resolved now). I was trying to be very careful about how much I exerted myself. I really didn't want to have an episode while I was out and about.

After searching for a while I discovered they had a mounting plate and a pressure-treated mounting board. I could do wood or metal. And they were located on completely opposite ends of the store because of course they were.

I had both items in my hand and I did that thing where you just keep staring at something hoping a useful thought will pop into your brain. I had no clue which one was better for my needs. There is surprisingly little information regarding mailbox installation on the internet. YouTube really let me down on this one. I was just kinda winging it and solving problems as I went along.

I stared for for a little while longer and no useful thoughts happened.

I was tired of staring so I just said, "Fuck it" and made an executive decision.

Then I almost passed out in Home Depot.

I spent too much time walking around that gigantic monstrosity of a store and my heart started beating super fast and my legs felt like jello and I started getting quite dizzy.

I was in rough shape.

So... I had a little lie-down next to a wall of tape measures.

I just stared up at them thinking about all of the things I could measure.

I could measure a dog.

Or a horsie.

Or a horsie the size of a dog.

Then I thought, "Ooh, that one has lasers! I NEED IT."

My brain was not functioning at 100% in that moment.

After about 10 minutes of thinking about lasers and things I could measure with lasers, my body seemed to reboot and I was able to get up. Thankfully no one saw me and thought there was a dead body in the aisle or something. But that was still embarrassing all the same.

Once my heart slowed down I was able to pay and make it out to the car. I headed home and saw one of the most unusual sunsets of my life. The sun was dim and a shade of orange I have never seen in nature. It was like, cheeto orange. Not only that, it was a perfect circle with a super crisp outline. It didn't look real.

I tried to get a picture of it but when I looked at the picture later, the camera didn't capture anything like what I saw.

This is the best approximation I can manage. But it still doesn't do it justice.

I was hoping I could get home in time to grab my real camera and capture this strange setting sun, but it dipped below the horizon just as I pulled into my driveway.

I then started problem solving how to get the new mailbox in place with the items I purchased. And I was on a deadline because I have no clue what happens when the mailperson arrives and they don't have a mailbox to put the mail in. Do they just throw it on the ground? Do they get to keep the mail? Are they going to use all of my grocery coupons?

And for some reason, my post office does not keep a consistent delivery schedule. I've been trying to figure out a pattern for weeks and they just seem to come "whenever" and that is about as close as I can pin it down. Which is why I got the mailbox sensor.

Due to my near fainting episode in Home Depot, I was in no shape to be handy, so I was trying to think of a temporary solution to put the new mailbox on without properly mounting it. At first I was going to just wrap it in packing tape a bunch of times. But then I noticed I had a bunch of string. And I decided that was a more interesting solution... for reasons? My brain was still not doing well. But when I tried to tie the new mailbox to the post with the string it failed miserably. And I realized the packing tape wouldn't work either. The mailbox did not sit flat on the post and it wiggled. However, because I tried the dumb string method, I discovered this wiggle issue and it actually helped me figure out how to mount it.

I gave up for the night and decided to hope I could install the box in the morning before "whenever" happened. The next morning I started drawing dots on boards and comparing my old holes to my new holes and measuring clearances. (Measuring without lasers like a chump.) I needed to elevate the mailbox in order to mount it and that's when I thought to combine the board and the plate. I could screw the board into the old holes and then create new holes in the board for the plate to attach. And the plate lined up with the holes in the bottom of the new mailbox.

EASY!

It was a pretty big brain moment for me and I felt like I just solved quantum physics or something.

You're probably pretty confused because you are not as smart as I am.

Here is a diagram to help.

The board mounts to the post arm. The plate screws into the board. The mailbox screws into the plate.

Or just use string.

Also, how fortunate was it that I stared for all that time and got frustrated and just bought both things?

My next problem was that my drill wouldn't fit inside the mailbox and I couldn't screw the screws in place. So I drilled pilot holes in the board so I could manually screw in the screws with a ratcheting right angle screwdriver.

And the only reason I had one of those is because I use it as a fidget toy. (I like the clicky sounds.)

Another lucky happenstance!

I tried to prepare as much as I could in my garage before dragging all of my tools to the end of my lengthy driveway. I brought along my dad's old rolling walker so I'd have something to transport everything.

But also so I'd have something to sit on while I was installing the new box. Then I wouldn't have another heart episode and need another lie-down.

Seriously, how big is my brain?

I am like the smartest person alive.

So I got to the end of the driveway with all of my tools and my board and my plate and my templates and I realized something was missing.

The new mailbox.

I am like the dumbest person alive.

After a quick back-and-forth to retrieve the mailbox, I got started on my master mounting plan.

I screwed the board onto the post arm.

Then I screwed the plate into the board.

Then I lined up the new mailbox onto the plate.

But as I was doing this, I was kinda sticking out into the street a little bit. And usually that isn't a big deal. Cars can see me from very far away and they were just steering around me. But then two cars came from opposite directions at the same time and I was in a precarious position where I could not move. One car steered wide to avoid me, and for some reason, the other car decided not to slow down but to drive off the edge of the street.

And as they pulled this maneuver I heard a loud thump, followed by a loud pop, and then the sound of hissing getting farther and farther away.

Like a snake version of the Doppler effect.

They drove directly into this and popped their tire.

On the one hand, I felt a little responsible and guilty. On the other, it is not my responsibility to fix the street. And on a third hand, that was silly driving behavior and perhaps they will see this as a learning moment.

After processing what just happened I got back to the task at hand. To my delight and surprise, all of my planning and problem-solving was working. Everything fit together perfectly. The right angle ratcheting screwdriver was screwing in the screws. And after I tightened the final one...

I had successfully installed a new mailbox, on my own, without any jankiness or tape or string.

Like, I did this legit proper.

Tons of pure endorphins rushed into wherever endorphins go. (Again, I am very smart.) That feeling of accomplishment was pure ecstasy. I had no idea how to do this and in less than 24 hours I was basically an expert mailbox installer. I took some shots of my work on my phone so I could brag to Katrina, packed up all of my tools, and began to walk back to the house.

And... my heart started beating fast again.

And... I needed to have another little lie-down in the grass next to my driveway.

I stared up at the sky and was frustrated and proud simultaneously. A weird mixture of emotions. At the time I didn't know if my heart could be fixed. But thankfully I had my sense of accomplishment to temper my heart sadness.

And then I thought, "I should get a new address sign."

Epilogue time!

I got on Amazon and started looking up new signs. And I found one that was solar powered and lit up at night. So clearly I needed to have that one. My midnight food delivery people will never struggle to find my house again!

And it actually looked pretty neat.

(My address is not actually four 0s, but you are free to try sending me something.)

The sign was very easy to read... if you were super duper close.

But if you were farther away...

You couldn't actually distinguish the numbers. And it kinda looked weird next to the mailbox. And headlights made the numbers even harder to see. Which was the opposite of what I was going for.

So I opted to get a more traditional sign.

(Please send items to the realm of nothingness. I am in the void.)

But this bugged me because the sign was a different size than the old sign and the connection points didn't line up perfectly.

I HAD A CATAWAMPUS CHAIN!

WHICH IS THE MOST UNACCEPTABLE KIND OF WAMPUS!

It was at this point that Katrina started making fun of my perfectionism.

But this wasn't perfectionism for perfection's sake.

My Dad was having trouble fixing things around the house. And some other kids knocked over the previous, previous mailbox. And he found the strength to go to the store, get a new one, and install it all by himself. He was at the end of the driveway, attached to his portable oxygen canisters, and fixing one last thing for this house.

And I guess I just wanted to get it back to perfect. Because he never did any handyman task half-assed. He was a full-ass handyman. Always.

So... I fixed the sign.

Perfectly balanced.

Again, feel free to send me stuff to 0000 Road.

I'm sure it will get here... "whenever."

[sepublic]

On the one hand I want to let Knights of Guinevere stand as its own thing from The Owl House but on the other hand it’s really tempting to analyze the recurring themes in a creator’s works.

With TOH there was this idea of Expectations VS Reality, how Luz has these conventional fairy tale fantasies in mind, only to face a more grisly reality that is still beautiful in its own right. With KoG, I suspect that the princess is some biomechanical animatronic whose programming is conflicting with her actual perception of the world around her. She has the classic fairy tale animal sidekicks and is in a Sleeping Beauty position.

For Luz, this was more a matter of genre expectations. But for this princess character, her expectations seem to be taken to a pretty literal extent in that it’s become visual filter-style hallucinations, which fits with KoG being described as a psychological thriller.

I find this fascinating because it seems Dana is exploring this original theme but through a different angle this time. She had her go with an overeager kid who needed to mature, and now she’s doing it with a character who literally can’t distinguish between her mind and reality. Unsurprisingly, the kid goes with the kids show, and the adult goes with the adult show.

There’s also a much more visceral darkness to KoG’s reality compared to TOH’s, because the Demon Realm ended up having a grotesque wonder of its own that a weirdo like Luz learns to resonate with. Whereas with KoG, it’s leaning much more into how objectively horrible this situation is.

I also think it’s worth noting the setup of Park Planet and how Dana’s cynicism towards Disney during her experience working on TOH might influence KoG. Something I found interesting about the pitch bible for TOH is that it came across as notably harsher towards Luz’s fantasy book, the Unassuming Princess. In addition to the bible discussing how Luz needs to let go of “generic fantasies” there’s the revelation that the Unassuming Princess is written by Eda’s terrible ex, who is exploiting her life for his gain, and so clearly there’s a call for cancellation.

But in the final draft of TOH, the narrative avoids this Contempt for the Genre attitude; At worst Azura can be kind of corny and straightforward, and its prose overtly theatrical, but that’s really about it. It’s not always conducive as a guideline for Luz’s life but in the end there’s no shame in its existence; In fact, the final draft goes out of its way to make Azura foundational to Luz’s arc, and something she can and deserves to still keep! The final stretch of the series even ties it into Dana’s own loving relationship with her deceased father, and in the end Azura inspires Luz and is the bookends to her arc. It ends up being a story about stories.

I wonder if this was perhaps the result of executive mandate; But then again, Disney doesn’t struggle to dunk on its own classics (think Frozen or Zootopia), and there’s a difference between wanting the attitude towards the fairy tale to be more supportive, and actively making it a core part of the main character’s arc. It makes me think of how Disney did mandate more of a focus on Hexside, but at the same time it was always part of the pitch bible. And the writers even stuck to it in S3 because of what they’d already accomplished in making it work for their narrative anyhow.

But I digress; My point is that Dana’s exploring a theme she had with TOH but from a new, darker angle. And so it makes me think she’ll do that harsher attitude towards the fairy tale after all; In this case, not out of contempt for the genre but more contempt for the corporation and its sanitization, a reflection of how Disney limited Dana’s creative freedom with TOH. Really, KoG comes across as Dana getting to do things she never could’ve, because of her own choices regarding the narrative, the genre expectations, and/or Disney’s mandates. So it’d be poetic.

[giantmushyfriend]

Welcome back to the Ineffable lyric discussion (can I hear a wahoo)

In honor of the announcement of season 3 of our beloved Good Omens, I find it completely necessary for us to discuss one of the many songs on Aziraphale and Crowley's angelic playlist that made me scream my bloody head off. One of those songs is the one and only The Book of Love by Peter Gabriel. While I UNDERSTAND this song may have just been chosen to spell out SEASON THREE, I think it goes much deeper than that because of all of the parallels it draws to Aziraphale and Crowley. And ultimately, what I think is going to happen in terms of their relationship when they finally sort their shit out. So beware if you haven't watched season 2 of Good Omens because we're about to do a fucking DEEP DIVE into this.

First, the title of the Book of Love feels almost like a call to this looming threat to the Book of Life that was consistently used in series 2. The entire season, Crowley and Aziraphale have to work oh so carefully because with the Book of Life being confirmed, they know that either of them could get the other erased, and whether they want to admit it or not, losing the other is their biggest fear. We've seen this when Crowley believed Aziraphale to be dead in Series 1 when he couldn't feel Aziraphale's presence anymore since he got incorporated. When Aziraphale isn't there, Crowley is a mess. Likewise, we saw how both reacted during the ineffable divorce scene in series 2. Crowley is full-on begging Aziraphale to stay, and Aziraphale has finally admitted that he needs Crowley and full-on mouths for Crowley not to leave him. The Book of Life inherently, from how Neil set it up, feels threatening. The Book of Love, on the other hand, raises an entirely other reaction. Throughout the series, as corny as it sounds, love has been what grounds our protagonists. It is the love of Tadfeild and his friends that keeps Adam from kickstarting the end of the world; it's what keeps him from rejecting his father, the literal devil. It is the love of the earth, of humanity and all its strange creations, and for each other that keeps Aziraphale and Crowley attempting to prevent the end of the world when it could be so much easier to just accept the fate of it all. Love is the key theme that grounds our protagonists, that makes them tick. Love is safe; love is, at times, painful but overall kind. So when we see this title on their playlist, listed amongst heartwrenching tales of grieving a relationship, you could have had, and of loss, it brings a sense of salvation and safety. The Book of Love, unlike the Book of Life, is not a threat- it's a sanctuary for Aziraphale and Crowley.

Now, diving into the lyrics.

"The book of love is long and boring

No one can lift the damn thing

It's full of charts and facts, and figures, and instructions for dancing

But I

I love it when you read to me.

And you

You can read me anything"

The first couple of verses inherently feel like Aziraphale and Crowley's original view on this notion of love. As two supernatural entities who aren't bound by human emotion or logic, love may seem superficial and downright silly at times. The courting procedures that different societies have taken on throughout the centuries and the songs and dances that come along with it may all seem like a big waste. The book of love is a manifestation of love itself, and originally, it seems unappetizing to our protagonists. That is until they refind each other, and love goes from this thing that humans feel and jump through hoops for to this tidal wave of emotions. Love felt silly and unrealistic before, but with each other, they are willing and excited to explore it, even if it comes with things that feel inherently silly.

Also, these verses draw some cute parallels to headcanons and features of cannons. If you've been involved in the Good Omens fandom long enough, you've probably stumbled across the idea that Crowley asks Aziraphale to read to him for a multitude of different reasons. Some people say it's because his eyes aren't meant to read, one of the many punishments that came with him being cast down from grace, or maybe it's just because he finds Aziraphale's voice comforting. Additionally, the line about instructions for dancing is just so heartwarming when we look at the ball scene from this past season and Aziraphale's daydreams of a romance worthy of a Jane Austin novel.

"The book of love is long and boring

And written very long ago

It's full of flowers and heart-shaped boxes

Adn things we're all too young to know

but I

I love it when you give me things

and you

You ought to give me wedding rings"

I'm sure we've all heard this idea that you'll understand love when you get older, but even when you get older, it never seems to make sense. This idea that love is too old for any of us to truly understand, and that humbles us but in the best way possible. There is no point in trying to figure out what exactly love is because you could spend thousands of years feeling it and watching it happen all around you and still not know exactly what it is besides this all-encompassing feeling. And that is exactly the perspective of Aziraphale and Crowley. They have seen countless examples of love, true, unwavering love, and they have felt it for each other. And yet they themselves cannot begin to fathom what love, true unconditional love, is exactly. These two supernatural, ethereal/occult beings are humbled by the very concept of love like humans are- and that love is drawn from each other.

And then there is this notion of giving, which pairs so well with Crowley's primary love language, acts of service and gift giving. If the first chorus was Crowley talking about how he loves it when Aziraphale reads to him and takes care of him, then this is Aziraphale talking about how Crowley displays his love. And this final notion of asking for that final commitment, one of the key ways humans express their love for each other, is just amazing. Because in a way, Aziraphale moving to make this commitment, to fully be on their side in this way, is the resolution we have been wanting since the beginning. For Aziraphale to finally feel safe enough to let go and finally let himself settle to where he finally belongs, on his side with Crowley.

[theoutcastrogue]

Ballads of the Hanged: Swinging from the Gallows Tree

A mixtape of execution ballads and assorted tales of guilt, wrath, terror, and defiance on the gallows, where all men are brothers.

[on spotify]

21 tracks, 1h 15min in full (spotify lacks one song)

I teased this many moons ago, and I finally finished it. No booklet in PDF form (too much hassle), but I got extensive liner notes, which you can also read here, for more pictures and a wider format. Enjoy!

LINER NOTES

1. Hans Zimmer - Hoist The Colours

Heave ho thieves and beggars never shall we die

What a heartbreaking thing to say on the scaffold. But we have to start with theatrics and a drum roll, and our introduction needs no introduction.

2007, from Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End OST lyrics: Ted Elliott & Terry Rossio music: Hans Zimmer & Gore Verbinski

2. Shirley Collins - Tyburn Tree (Since Laws Were Made)

Next stop, Tyburn: England's most notorious gallows. In The Beggar's Opera, the highwayman Macheath (later also known as Mack the Knife) observes that if they hanged rich criminals like they hang the poor ones, "'twould thin the land". Shirley Jackson subtly changed this to the better.

Since laws were made for ev'ry degree to curb vice in others as well as me, I wonder there's no better company on Tyburn Tree.

But since gold from laws can take out the sting, and if rich men like us were to swing, it would rid the land their numbers to see upon Tyburn Tree.

recorded 1966, released 2002 in Within Sound lyrics: John Gay, from The Beggar's Opera, 1728 music: traditional ("Greensleeves"), 16th century

3. Joan Baez - Long Black Veil

A country ballad about a man falsely accused of murder, who lets himself get dragged to the gallows because he won't reveal his alibi: an affair with his best friend's wife. It's been covered by a million people, here's Baez live.

The scaffold is high, eternity near, She stands in the crowd, she sheds not a tear, But sometimes at night, when the cold winds moan, In a long black veil she cries o'er my bones.

1963, from In Concert Part 2 lyrics & music: Lefty Frizzell, 1959

4. Oscar Isaac with Punch Brothers & Secret Sisters - Hang Me, Oh Hang Me

A poor boy who got "so damn hungry he could hide behind a straw", made his last stand with a rifle and a dagger, and has been all around this world, and is positively done with it.

They put the rope around my neck, they hung me up so high Last words I heard 'em say, won't be long now 'fore you die Hand me, oh hang me, and I'll be dead and gone Wouldn't mind the hanging, but the laying in the grave so long

2015, from Another Day, Another Time: Celebrating the Music of "Inside Llewyn Davis", after Oscar Isaac's rendition in Inside Llewyn Davis, 2013, in turn after Dave Van Ronk's rendition in Folksinger, 1962 lyrics & music: traditional American/unclear origin, folk song with various titles (I've Been All Around This World, The Gambler, My Father Was a Gambler, The New Railroad), first recorded by Justis Begley, 1937

5. Chapel Hill - Seven Curses

Cover of a Bob Dylan song, telling us the dark tale of a judge who's about to send a man to the gallows for stealing a horse, promises his daughter he'll show clemency if she agrees to sleep with him, and then reneges on his promise.

The next morning she had awoken to know that the judge had never spoken she saw that hanging branch a-bending she saw her father's body broken These be seven curses for a judge so cruel

2013, from One For The Birds lyrics inspired by Judy Collins's "Anathea" (1963), in turn inspired by the traditional Hungarian ballad "Feher Anna", who curses the judge "thirteen years may be lie bleeding" lyrics & music: Bob Dylan, recorded 1963, released 1991 in The Bootleg Series

6. Ewan MacColl - Go Down Ye Murderers

A song about Timothy Evans, a man accused of murdering his wife and child, which he denied until his last breath. They convicted him and hanged him in 1950. He was 25 years old. Three years later the real murderer, his neighbour John Christie, confessed, and the case played a major role in abolishing capital punishment in the UK.

The rope was fixed around his neck, and the washer behind his ear And the prison bell was tolling but Tim Evans did not hear Sayin' go down, you murderer, go down

They sent Tim Evans to the drop for a crime he didn't do It was Christy was the murderer, and the judge and jury too Sayin' go down, you murderers, go down

1956, from Bad Lads and Hard Cases: British Ballads Of Crime And Criminals lyrics & music: Ewan MacColl

7. Jennifer Lawrence - The Hanging Tree

One of the stranger things that can happen at the hanging tree is camaraderie. "On the gallows tree, all men are brothers", to quote A Feast for Crows, and when the state murders, then in defiance, an execution ballad can become a protest song. Many have in real life, this one is fiction, from The Hunger Games. Wisely, the director asked the composer for a simple tune, nothing elaborate, something that could be "sung by one person or by a thousand people".

Are you, are you coming to the tree? Wear a necklace of rope side by side with me Strange things have happened here, no stranger would it be If we met at midnight in the hanging tree

2014, from The Hunger Games: Mockingjay – Part 1 OST lyrics: Suzanne Collins music: James Newton Howard

8. Let's Play Dead - Heaven and Hell

A fairly traditional execution ballad written recently for the series Harlots. Margaret Wells sings it to herself for consolation and courage, as she sits alone in a cell, waiting to get dragged to the gallows.

I'm no more a sinner than any man here I'm no less a saint than the priest at god's ear But now I am snared, they will punish me well With a ladder to heaven and a rope down to hell

2018, from the single Heaven and Hell, for Harlots Season 2 Episode 7 lyrics & music: Let's Play Dead

9. Odetta - Gallows Pole

Probably the most well-known execution ballad of the 20th century, thanks to several iconic renditions. This one remains my favourite.

Hangman, hangman, slack your rope, slack it for a while I think I see my father coming, riding many a mile Papa did you bring me silver, did you bring me gold? Or did you come to see me hanging by the gallows pole?

1960, from At Carnegie Hall lyrics & music: traditional (Child 95 / Roud 144), known under many other titles ("Hangman", "The Maid freed From the Gallows", "The Prickle-Holly Bush"); this version is directly influenced by Lead Belly's "Gallis Pole" (1930s), and they both informed Led Zeppelin's 1970 version

10. Johnny Cash - 25 Minutes to Go

Peak gallows humour, uproariously funny and defiant, and somehow still conveying the terror of a man who's about to die and emphatically doesn't want to. Performed live at Folsom Prison.

Then the sheriff said boy I'm gonna watch you die, 19 minutes to go So I laughed in his face and I spit in his eye, 18 minutes to go Now here comes the preacher for to save my soul, 13 minutes to go And he's talking about burning but I'm so cold, 12 minutes to go

1968, from At Folsom Prison lyrics & music: Shel Silverstein, from his 1962 album Inside Folk Songs

11. Johnny Cash - Sam Hall

A classic execution ballad with many versions (see here for its complicated history), some of which are stoic and dignified, and others humorous. But this one brims with rage. Sam Hall will not be repenting on the gallows, and he'll see you all in hell.

My name it is Sam Hall and I hate you one and all And I hate you one and all, damn your eyes

2002, from American IV: The Man Comes Around lyrics & music: : traditional, 18th century broadside ballad, Roud 369

12. Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds - Up Jumped the Devil

A song about a man doomed from the start to play the villain’s part, and the origin of this blog’s #swinging from the gallows tree tag.

Who's that hanging from the gallow tree? His eyes are hollow but he looks like me Who's that swinging from the gallow tree? Up jumped the Devil and he took my soul from me

1999, from Tender Prey lyrics: Nick Cave music: Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds

13. NOT ON SPOTIFY: Dead Rat Orchestra - The Black Procession

This ballad imagines a sinister procession of 20 criminals (black tradesmen brought up in hell!), each with their own specialty (it's mostly thieves of some sort), on the way to the gallows. The last and worst of them is the thief-catcher, and if one of them is innocent, they'll all go free. But of course none of them are. It's written in thieves' cant (lyrics and more context here), and the chorus means: "Look well, listen well, see where they are dragged, up to the gallows where they are hanged."

Toure you well; hark you well, see where they are rubb’d, Up to the nubbing cheat where they are nubb’d.

2015, from Tyburnia: A Radical History Of 600 Years Of Public Execution lyrics: from The Triumph of Wit by J. Shirley, 1688 music: Robin Alderton, Daniel Merrill & Nathaniel Robin Mann

14. John Harle & Marc Almond - The Tyburn Tree

And where does the Black Procession lead? To Tyburn, of course. The dark gothic side of Marc Almond.

The Tyburn Tree, I weep for thee, blood in the roots 'Tis not a tree with bark and leaves of spring awakening 'Tis not a tree with blossom and fruit, 'tis not a tree No boughs to bend beneath the unruly breath of winter No memories of woods warmed by spring's sweet touch 'Tis not a tree — take a ride to Tyburn and dance the last jig

2014, from The Tyburn Tree (Dark London) lyrics: Marc Almond music: John Harle

15. CocoRosie - Gallows

Speaking of dark and gothic.

They took him to the gallows, he fought them all the way though And when they asked us how we knew his name We died just before him, our eyes are in the flowers Our hands are in the branches, our voices in the breezes And our screaming is in his screaming

2010, from Grey Oceans lyrics & music: Sierra Rose Casady & Bianca Leilani Casady

16. The Tiger Lillies - Hang Tomorrow

In their Two Penny Opera, the pioneers of dark cabaret reimagine Brecht’s Threepenny Opera, and take all the suaveness out of Mack the Knife. Here they also take all the fight out of him. What's even left? A pathetic empty husk, a bastard (let's not forget that Brecht's MacHeath is no rogue with a heart of gold, he's a horrible man) who can't even be intriguing. How disturbingly pedestrian.

So here I am in jail again, oh god it stinks of piss I've been in here since I was young, so I can reminisce It's looking rather grim this time, it's looking rather bad But if I swing tomorrow in some ways I'll be glad

2001, from Two Penny Opera lyrics & music: Martyn Jacques

17. Tom Hollander - Ballad In Which MacHeath Begs All Mens' Forgiveness

In The Threepenny Opera, Mack the Knife stands on the scaffold and asks for pity. No point being judgmental now, that he's about to die. He morbidly describes how his dead body will end up, and then he lashes out at everyone, cops and criminals (same difference), while still begging them all for forgiveness. Very VERY sarcastically. The ballad's concept is borrowed from François Villon (see below), and this translation is unusually bold (honorific, see here and here for other translations and context).

You crooked cops with your Mercedes, your mobile phones, your trendy jackets, your cuts from drugs and dice and ladies, your Scotland Yard protection rackets.

Let heaven smash your fucking faces, slash you and let the blood run free and break you in a thousand places. I've pardoned you. You pardon me.

1994, from The Threepenny Opera - Donmar Warehouse Original Cast lyrics: Bertolt Brecht 1928, loosely inspired by François Villon's "Ballad of the Hanged" c. 1489, translated by Jeremy Sams 1994 music: Kurt Weill 1928

18. Saga de Ragnar Lodbrock - Ballade des pendus

And here's the OG Ballad of the Hanged, written in the 15th century by the OG poète maudit, François Villon (translation here). It paints an indelible picture of strung up corpses swaying in the wind, decaying, pecked by birds, ravaged by the elements and time. And crucially, it's in the first person. The hanged speak, begging their fellow-humans for pity, and god for forgiveness.

Frères humains, qui après nous vivez, N'ayez les cœurs contre nous endurcis, Car, si pitié de nous pauvres avez, Dieu en aura plus tôt de vous mercis. Vous nous voyez ci attachés, cinq, six: Quant à la chair, que trop avons nourrie, Elle est piéça dévorée et pourrie, Et nous, les os, devenons cendre et poudre. De notre mal personne ne s'en rie; Mais priez Dieu que tous nous veuille absoudre!

recorded 1979, released 1999 in the Saga de Ragnar Lodbrock reissue lyrics: François Villon, c. 1489 music: Saga de Ragnar Lodbrock

19. Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds - The Mercy Seat

Honorary inclusion, a song not about hanging: the mercy seat is the electric chair. But the lyrics are a punch and this is a torrent of a song, a whirlwind, a masterpiece, a 7-minute cynic snarl. So it couldn't possibly get left out of this compilation.

And the mercy seat is awaiting, and I think my head is burning And in a way I'm yearning to be done with all this measuring of proof An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth (a life for a life and a truth for a truth) And anyway I told the truth, and I'm not afraid to die (and I'm afraid I told a lie)

1999, from Tender Prey lyrics & music: Nick Cave

20. Graveyard Train - Ballad For Beelzebub

And after? Welcome to Hell, ladies and gents, and bards. (Bards are rogues, too.) The Graveyard Train play a kind of Southern Gothic (but very southern, they're Australian), and here they entertain the thought of a band that ends up in hell and has to keep playing, without end, for an audience that can't hear. What a bleak prospect.

Well the air on the stage is burning our lungs And we're all going deaf from the beating drums And you can't see a thing for all the blood and the sweat in our eyes

Well we played till we died, and now we're all dead But the Man says we got to get up there again And you can't come down till the brimstone turns to ice

2008, from The Serpent And The Crow lyrics & music: Graveyard Train

21. Samuel Kim feat. Colm R. McGuinness - Hoist the Colours

Yo ho, all together Hoist the colours high Heave ho, thieves and beggars

But we won't end in hell. The only acceptable ending to this compilation is the triumphant version (wait for it) of its beginning: a pirate's end. Traditionally the gibbet, yes, but also the ghost ship that still sails, the ripple that still travels, and the story that still gets told.

Did I stutter the first time?

NEVER SHALL WE DIE

[lilmissbacon]

Rotg world building — Thoughts and theories

This was originally just going to be a reblog to THIS post but then I ended up going down a rabbit hole of my thoughts and opinions, so it became too annoyingly long for peoples/my preference.

Most of the post really expresses how I've always viewed the world of spirits in Rotg. The only thoughts I'm not really a fan of is the idea of some spirits not having physical forms and just being like big storms. Because what's the point of humanoid spirits being invisible to humans if they have no physical forms to other spirits as well?

I never saw Jack talking to the wind as the wind being an active spirit, I saw it as him just being so lonely he'd pretend the wind was alive to not feel so alone. After all, he only addressed the wind 1 time, if it were an actual being I feel like it'd be addressed more than once. Especially when Jack needed to get out of Antarctica: why would he need to fix his staff to fly out if the wind could've just picked him up unless he was the one making the wind? And like the post linked above said, the comics are unofficial. They're cool and I love them but they're not canon.

I do love the idea of their being 2 generations of spirits. Pre-MiM and post-MiM where the legends of Gods and myths are tales of the original spirits mistaken for higher deities and distorted over time. After all MiM wasn't always there (at least in the books) so how were their seasons/seasonal spirits on earth before him unless they were just natural to earth?

Plus it's made apparent through Sandy's death in Rotg that spirits are not 100% immortal, just non-aging. I think there is an open window for spirits to come back like Sandy did, if an influx of enough people believe, Tinkerbell style. But after maybe a year or so, that window is closed, that spirit is full on dead and that spirit needs to be replaced to keep the world in balance. So there could've been hundreds of spirits that have been lost but then replaced by MiM. I also think only magic can kill spirits, since Jack managed to fall from like 300+ feet in the final battle and walk it off without so much as a limp. Like, it still hurt, he clearly felt the pain, but he could still run, jump, throw hands and everything. He only groaned like he tripped down a small set of stairs.

Guardians are the only ones who could die without belief due to the vow they take. I feel like that vow tying their lives to belief could've actively been like an insurance policy to insure that the Guardians stay true and keep doing their jobs to fulfill childhood. It may be controlling and borderline manipulative for MiM to make them do that but I'm sure we're all in agreement that he is pretty gray as a character in the movie when you really think about it. And I could even see where he's coming from with this idea. After all, who knows how many spirits he may have made thinking they were good people, only for them to go dark and become evil. I'm sure MiM would hold a lot of guilt whenever those bad spirits hurt others or even feel at fault for making these decent people, eventual villains. Besides the Guardians know they could die if they lose belief when they make the vow, so it's not like MiM tricked them, that's consented. The Guardians just forgot to tell Jack that.

Now, I always saw "Spirit Society" as all spirits know of each other and word always gets around when new ones are made. I don't think there's a hidden city or village (other than maybe Santoff Clausen if it's even still around. And only for some of them, it wouldn't be big enough for all spirits in my mind) but rather they make homes for themselves and just cross paths with each other all the time. Kinda like the countryside; everyone's homes are far apart, but you still see each other in stores or at work.

I'm not quite sure how the news and knowledge would spread between spirits so often unless they were either all huge gossips or had yearly meets or something. But you know what, I'd be willing to bet that there are a few "messenger" spirits similar to Hermes in Greek myth, that just fly everywhere, spreading word for other spirits to make sure everyone is in the loop.

In my mind, Bunny's aggression early in the movie was meant to kinda show how most spirits saw Jack. After all, he's the only one who didn't feel like he'd be super recluse due to his job as he's the only one who doesn't work all year-round.

Unless he's a complete hermit, what is he doing for the rest of the year other than going out and hanging with other spirits?

I think most spirits hate Jack for being a troublemaking spirit that honed the deadliest season. That could just be my angst fanfic brain making things up but why else would Jack be so desperate to look towards humans to connect with unless he has tried with other spirits who could see him and was only met with backlash?

'Cause I have seen a few people complain that the ending of the movie contradicted Jack's arc of wanting to be seen only to leave the few believers he'd finally made. But that was never the point. He has what I like to call a fake-out arc; where it's said he wants one thing but his actual goal is different. He asks why he can't be seen, he tries his best to get people to believe in him, but he's doing it in an effort to find a family.

He mentions how no one can see him but he's more devastated over why he was left alone. That's his main question in this scene. He doesn't outwardly ask why he's alone specifically, but asking MiM "why" just after he was looking so longingly at Jamie's family is clearly meant to insinuate that that is what he really wants. He may even be telling himself it's just to be seen because he's been alone for so long that he just wants the bare fucking minimum. That's why the end of Rotg is still satisfying despite leaving his new believers, because being seen was never truly the end goal, it was finding a family and he finally found that in the other Guardians.

He clearly believed that he couldn't be accepted by other spirits, so he looked to humans to find that connection and getting to be seen by them was just a first step towards that goal.

It's the same thing in Tangled (because I have encountered someone who thought Rapunzel was one-dimensional for just wanting to see lights 😮‍💨) Rapunzel sang and always told Gothel + Eugene that she just wanted to see the floating lights, but the moment she steps out of her tower she starts singing in exhilaration about how she can finally go running, dancing, jumping and splashing. She never even mentions the lights. It had nothing to really do with the lights, she just wanted to leave her tower and explore the world. Seeing the lanterns was just her externalized and internalized excuse because she wanted to feel less awful for going against her 'mother'. Her wanting to explore the world was then more blatantly explored in Tangled the Series.

Edit: Pitch even straight up mentions about longing for a family when trying to sympathize with Jack and it's that very line that makes Jack lower is guard. Not the line about not being believed in, longing for a family. Jack even looks super sympathetic for him.

After Pitch killed Sandy, after witnessing first hand the belief fading from all the kids around the world and being framed for Easter's failure, possibly ruining Jack's relationship with the Guardians, Jack still feels bad for Pitch in this moment. That's why Jack lets Pitch say his piece in this scene despite knowing that he was never going to join him (you can tell he was never buying into Pitch's words and Jack didn't hesitate to refuse). He was even willing to try and just walk away after refusing his offer rather than keep fighting. Because he understands that desperation of wanting to be loved by just being seen and/or heard.

That's part of what makes him such a good layered character: the fact that he always used mischief in an effort to try and be seen, similar to when kids act out to get their parents attention. It leads the other spirits to think that he's nothing more than a troublemaker (and even audience as well, the amount of mis-characterization I've seen people make of Jack, istg) when in reality he's actually a very respectful, emotional, sweet and even responsible person that does know when to stop being silly. Jack never played around when actual danger came around, the only time he did was a one quip to Sandy because he was nervous and in the final battle when he realized being funny takes away Pitch's control.

And even then it was brief, after the kids started turning the sand gold again, Jack went right back into serious battle mode.

Kinda shows how not really mischievous Jack truly is when it takes him so long to realize that being fun can weaken Pitch. Because he's not really a trickster, he doesn't even really pull many pranks, he's just playful. But he had been cranking that up to 11 for the past 300 years in an effort to be seen, he inadvertently kept deterring other spirits away, who may had already not liked him just for being an ice based spirit. After all, whenever Bunny wanted to take a stab at Jack it was either at his invisibility or for his ice. Granted that could just be because Bunny himself just doesn't like the cold or even strictly because Jack made that blizzard on Easter but then again, we never got to see that for ourselves. We don't know if Jack even did that on purpose or not.

Last note; I don't think any other spirits died to become spirits like Jack did. It's my personal headcanon that the reason Jack couldn't remember his past is because he's the only one who had actively died before MiM got the chance to turn him. Though for all we know there could be a few others who also forgot their pasts. If there are, Jack clearly never got the chance to ask.

The way this kinda diverged into a mini Jack Frost character analysis though 😅

[thelordfool]

HELP ME PLEASE!!!!!

Long story short: I'm unemployed and will not, unlike what I originally thought, qualify for unemployment benefits.

Please read the readmore for additional context on why I'm unemployed. This post is basically a continuation/update/redo of this post. I'm suffering a sickness with no medicine the past week, applied for almost 100 jobs the last two weeks, am disabled/queer/nonbinary/tired of ebegging. I'm also in the negatives in my bank account because my car payment came out, so I need to get that covered.

pp/vm/ca

$250/$1151.51

i need at least $511.51 of this by the first. please spread if you're financially unable to help, every person this reaches helps! here's the breakdown of the costs: $640 - car payment + late fees $380 - rent $131.51 - negative amount in bank currently

Oh hey thanks for stopping by to read this annoying tale of woe and being angry at capitalism. Prepare for wall of text.

I once had two jobs. The first job, at a chain restaurant, was a bit of a clique-y experience where I was working my damndest to be the best bartender they ever had. I still have all the cocktails memorized. However, I continually faced discrimination in the form of severe misgendering, no matter how often I corrected them. I was also set up for failure. Usually, when someone gets hired for a position, there's some amount of training to be done, no matter how experienced they are, right? I was going in nearly entirely inexperienced into the role. I knew how to make cocktails, sure, and was and still am very good with people and selling. But I was trained for two days. Two. Then, on my first night alone (a Friday), I was watched by one of the bigwigs at corporate who saw every little flub and failure. This caused a demotion-ish. I was demoted to barback but was allowed the same privileges. Until their next visit. That upset the hell out of me - I was well trained by that point and could do it all, with one hand tied behind my back. I digress. It was about 2 months following my demotion when i finally walked out. A new bartender had been hired and she thought I was being a total creep by looking at a ticket that had just come in. She stormed off to report me to the manager who, even after hearing my side where I had asked her if there was anything on the ticket that I could grab, said that I "needed to communicate better," and "you should be learning from her," and "you're a grown man, you should know better." I don't think I need to explain why that was so upsetting.

But I didn't report them, because I just wanted to be done with it. I was also working another bartending job, and everythign was literally perfect other than the hours, honestly. I loved the product the distillery made, I loved the people I worked with, and most of all: I had my own regulars. Last month, they hired a new hospitality director, who announced there would be some restructuring, including getting rid of servers while also making a full dinner menu to serve alongside drinks. I said nothing of it, despite my disagreements, and she assured us all that no one would lose their jobs, but just moved into different roles. We all kinda grumbled about it, and I told her that under no circumstances would I work back of house. Easy peasy. Till it wasn't, and I came home to a voicemail while on break with my partner that I'd been let go due to the restructuring. So much for no one losing their jobs, right? I hadn't been the only victim of this. I have my suspicions as to why the new hospitality director did these things, but I've no energy to throw around conspiracies. All I know is that I was shafted by both of these places and I'm tired of being broke. I'm applying, still going to fight, and... sigh.

tl;dr (why did you click the readmore?): i left a job due to discrimination and lost another due to company restructuring and i'm tired and sad and aaaaa.

[barbatusart]

bit of thinking outloud but for my current tactician run im doing a special wyll origins playthrough im calling the Evil Wyll Run & it’s given me a lot of food for thought about his character (or at least the freedom of psychological movement + exploration afforded to an origin run!)

wyll spoilers abound we’re entering the wyllenium here

wyll always felt a bit underwritten to me - i know that’s partially because there was that big kerfuffle in the 11th hour with changing his whole story and personality on top of having to recast his VA, and frankly hats off to both original VA lanre malaolu & new VA theo solomon for their hard work - both brought tremendous performances, & i sincerely hope mr malaolu was paid well for his work & time even if his voice wasn’t used in the final cut (i would also say warlock as a class itself felt a bit underdeveloped but im 100% OK with chalking that up to me the player not understanding how to play warlock effectively yet lol im more of a fighter barbarian Hit Stuff guy)

but honestly this feeling of being “underwritten” combined with a character with a long history of heroism in his pocket made wyll really interesting to me even in my tav playthrough. for all his accomplishments he still feels like a blank everyman, or like he’s someone who fully believes he’s the main character who doesn’t “need” to do any extra work on himself - and honestly he feels Very much like he could be The Main Character. once his backstory of the son of the duke was revealed too i immediately got the sense of like, rich boy trying to prove his worth beyond his wealth and status by striking out & becoming that hero, or that Prince Charming. basically that perfect happily ever after somebody. and im of the opinion that you don’t get mixed up with a cambion in the first place unless you’re either the kind of naïve “everything will just work out” immature that tends to comes with his status as the son of a noble, or you’re hungering for power. depending on playstyle he’s very easily both of these things

on the naïve front (ie a good wyll playthrough) if anything he feels very believably immature, & from that perspective the events of the game feel as though they’re the prequel to the actual start of wyll's story where he finally finds himself & learns what kind of man he really is. we just dont get to see it alas, but i really enjoyed the thought exercise of somebody still grappling with overcoming his own immaturity. he feels like someone who can still grow and that his tale is just beginning

Evil Wyll (meaning any time mizora shows up he drops everything to enact her instruction & hasnt once tried to find a loophole out of his contract) which ive come to be far more fascinated by is someone clearly vying for power, which is interesting because his noble status would’ve given him all the power he wants had he Played Nice. to me it speaks of someone who wants to be able to take what he wants from life without it being handed to him, which contrasts in a really fascinating way with entering into a warlock pact at all. maybe he thought it was better that it be a decision he made as opposed to nobility given to him by his family ties, maybe there’s still that pollyanna sentiment of “it’ll just work out & ill live happily ever after.” again maybe both. maybe in a sense the fiend, as he calls himself, is a good excuse to shuck off any poor decision he makes or any genuinely heinous thing he does under mizora’s instruction - an identity he uses as power fantasy (and very much in tandem/interchangeable with the blade of frontiers power fantasy) until it means taking ownership for any of his misdeeds, and then a scapegoat.

may be a bit incoherent but im only now hitting act 3 in my origin run & im Really enjoying this difficult characterization ive cooked up for myself lol

[smehur]

HP Rec Fest 2024 Summary

This event was delightful! I didn't have a rec for every day of December, but I did for most, and a good portion of the recs were for fics that aren't on any of my previous rec lists. I wanna list them all here for ease of reference, but also because:

✨ The artwork in all the banners is my own! ✨

It's scanned watercolor or acrylic on paper, all made in the last several months, mostly while listening to podfic :D

👉The pictures link to the original rec posts. Enjoy!

Albus Potter and the Elixir of Erised by @bettsfic

After dropping out of Hogwarts, Albus moves to London and deals an addictive potion to Muggles. Now the most wanted wizard in the country, he goes into hiding at Malfoy Manor, enduring terrible withdrawal which renders him powerless in the hands of his best friend's father: Draco Malfoy, the only man willing to help him.

Then Comes a Mist and a Weeping Rain by @faith2wood

It always rains for Draco Malfoy. Metaphorically. And literally. Ever since he had accidentally Conjured a cloud. A cloud that's ever so cross.

A Present by @faith2wood

Sometimes you just have to give yourself a present and kiss Harry Potter.

Draco in Darkness by plumeria47

Following an accident in his seventh year, Draco loses his eyesight. After Harry elbows his way into Draco's dark world, both boys find themselves in a strange new friendship, and they each learn new ways to see each other … and themselves.

The Sin in Your Grin (and the Shape of Your Mouth) by @xylodemon

The Order needed Sirius, but he doubted they'd mourn him very long when he finally disappeared.

All Life is Yours to Miss by Saras_Girl

Professor Malfoy's world is contained, controlled, and as solitary as he can make it, but when an act of petty revenge goes horribly awry, he and his trusty six-legged friend are thrown into Hogwarts life at the deep end and must learn to live, love and let go.

Running on Air by eleventy7

Draco Malfoy has been missing for three years. Harry is assigned the cold case and finds himself slowly falling in love with the memories he collects.

Alphabet Soup by @phoenixortheflame

Harry Potter, investigative reporter for the Daily Prophet, leads a perfectly adequate life. When he’s not trawling back-alleys for a juicy story, he’s playing tea party with his favourite niece or eating curry with his former house-elf. Draco Malfoy, renowned chef in muggle Paris, was perfectly content living a life of obscurity. But when his mother’s health begins to fail, he must return to wizarding London and face his past. When Harry gets an odd assignment to interview the enigmatic chef of the new muggle-wizard restaurant Le Cerf, he’s reunited with his childhood bully - and is reminded just how much a person can change in ten years. Hijinks, mystery, and food-related dirty talk ensue when Harry receives an anonymous tip of a blackmarket dragon trade and enlists Draco to be his concierge into the shady underworld of the wizarding elite.

Twilight Eternal by @hsvh-hp

Wherever Draco is, the sun sits eternally on the precipice of setting. His father feeds his peacocks on the manor grounds. Harry is the only one who can communicate with Draco. A malevolent force haunts the house, nipping at Draco’s heels. Draco intended for himself to come to this place. He only wishes he could remember why.

A Doll's Tale by @faith2wood

Harry/Draco, as observed by Draco's childhood doll. Please note, this doll is very self-absorbed.

Per my last letter (I hope you choke on it) by @fluxweeed & @lastontheboat

Dear Mr Potter, The answer is, and will remain, a no. Sincerely, Draco Malfoy Accounts Manager, Phoenix Press Or: the one where Harry has writer’s block and Malfoy isn’t helping.

Turn by Saras_Girl & podfic by Queenie_Mab

One good turn always deserves another. Apparently.

The Boy from the Piano Shop by @soliblomst

After going blind in a reckless attempt to avenge Ginny's death, Harry battles with severe depression. One day, he stumbles upon a quaint piano restoration shop in the heart of London and meets the owner, a kindly old man, and his introverted young apprentice, whose voice sounds strangely familiar. As Harry and Draco slowly reconnect through private piano lessons, the small workshop becomes Harry's refuge, offering him a glimmer of hope in a world without eyes. (Set five years after the Battle of Hogwarts)

A Dark Place in Time by Leporella

What on earth was her son thinking, falling for Harry Potter of all people, Narcissa wonders. But after the death of her husband, she finds him useful in many, and sometimes surprising, regards.

vapour by @yiiiiiiiikes25

Draco's getting cruised. Isn't he?

Probationary Action by @toomuchplor

As part of the terms of the probationary contract, DRACO LUCIUS MALFOY shall submit for inspection his WAND on the last day of every month, such inspection to be carried out by a duly registered and fully qualified AUROR in the employ of the MINISTRY OF MAGIC, and such inspection to include a PRIORI INCANTATEM spell to ensure that no PROHIBITED MAGICS as heretofore described have been practised by the aforementioned probationer.

The Illusion that One Can Get Things Right by umbrellaless22

Blindsided by Ginny's sudden departure from his life, Harry struggles to care for his family—replete with a new baby. The situation plummets from disarray to pandemonium just as Draco Malfoy arrives to drop Scorpius off for a visit, because of course it does.

Glory by @mintawasalreadytaken

Every boy at Hogwarts knew about the hole.

A Case of You by @epitomereally

Draco was doing just fine working as an Unspeakable in Paris, hanging out with his living and ghostly pals, inventing new spells, and definitely not thinking about Potter. Then, Lucius just had to break out of prison and turn his world upside down. Now, Draco has to return to England, where he is forced to confront how family ties bind us—and one infuriatingly fit Harry Potter.

with a fabulous Podfic by @cailynwrites

You can also see all my HP Rec Fest 2024 posts here. 👈

[yuqsdug]

In the one (1) Block Tales comic i've made so far, I drew the player as this R15 model Noob with modern day Roblox chat. Since blocktales can have four (4) players in a battle, I decided to draw the rest of the sqaud.

OBLIGATORY SEBASTIAN SOLICE

Drew him from memory

READ MORE ABOUT THESE BLOCK TALES CHARACTERS? down below

So you want to know more about these goobers hm?

[Player] (yes that's his name)

- Despite his very cheerful demeanor, he can make grudges extremely easy.

- He's the only one of the squad who talks in modern chat bubbles. Something must've went wrong when he time traveled.

- He still uses R15 because he didn't want to lose his elbows. He needs those to throw balls, Okay?!

- He may, possibly, be abusing the ghost Walker for meaningless- and legally dubious- means. He's not paying for a 777 tix card!

- Was the only who got to experience the later half demo 3. He was quite surprised to be in a hospital after defeating IT. His friends were hovering woriedly over his bed.

- Hatred was particularly strong in this one.

BaconBoy

- Brother of BaconGirl

- Quite a skitish boy, Easily scared. He did not like Telamon's manor ONE BIT!

- the time when his model type was added to Roblox left quite an impact on him. Why were people so mean?

- he forgot to change his scale before time traveling, so now he towers over most people they encounter. Now he's noticed even more and bumps his head on doors... Yay...

- He doesn't know a lot about Roblox before 2016. So the meaning of the swords their collecting is a bit lost on him. He can't help but be a bit fearful of them. The previous holders of the Icedagger and Venomshank seemed to be going insane. And his friends seen awfully attached to the swords they have collected. He hopes everything will end fine.

- FEAR is strong in this one

BaconGirl

- Sister of baconboy

- She can't handle being alone well. Being alone for a short time causes great feeling of solitude. She's always with atleast one of her friends.

- She's in charge of snack duty, she got the biggest bag after all. Someone low on HP? A burger is ready. Low on SP? the Bloxycola is already in your hand. Low on Tix? That's something she can't fix.

- She the only one of the group who realised they should be in the R6 model when they time traveled. She thought the rest also knew this, apparently not.

- The Icedagger is her FAVORITE weapon. Just focus a bit and heal EVERYONE? yes please! ####, She'd let this thing freeze her for less.

- She's a bit cold to the touch

- Solitude is strong in this one

Ann

- short for androgynous default (who is naming these children?)

- Very chaotic person

- They kill every enemy in their wake, be it bird, Mosquito, or zombie. Getting 0 xp does not bring them joy.

- Always has hard mode enable to get more Xp. This has absolutely backfired multiple times.

- They will come up for their friends, every good friend does that! Including when BaconBoy burgers contain pickles.

- Their a fan of the Venomshank. An AOE attack also afflicting poison is. the. best! The pretty flowers coming out of the enemies is a plus too.

- Greed is very strong in this one.

Thanks for reading that btw.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

New designs:

The drawings were made on my phone.

(trying to post thing broke my Tumblr, lol)

[youzicha]

Some quick impressions of translations of Sir Gawain and the Green Knight.

I fell in love with Marie Borroff's translation just from reading the preface, which is very insightful (definitely do read it, whatever other translation you pick!) and also unusually useful for the reader. We don't crucially need a translator's thoughts about what the themes of a story are because we can read it ourselves first, but Borroff talks about the tone (elevated, ironic, playful?) and that is really useful, since it is so easily obscured by time and translation.

Borroff's biography is extremely impressive: before even starting the translation, she spent a decade of her professional life reconstructing the pronunciation and meter of each line and the provenance of each word. Unsurprisingly, the translation is excellent; by the usual standards (accuracy, fluency, transparency/"invisibility") it seems hard to improve on.

Simon Armitage's translation seems to consciously reject fluency and transparency, creating "choppiness" as a deliberate aesthetic effect. Consider for example the use of modern colloquial English here:

and in the other hand held the mother of all axes, a cruel piece of kit I kid you not: the head was an ell in length at least and forged in green steel with a gilt finish

"Piece of kit" and "I kid you not" date the translation to the last few decades, while the "ell" unit has not been used for 400 years. By dragging the reader back and forth in time like this, the translation draws attention to itself. But it is not only a matter of choice of words, we get a similar effect from the ways Armitage breaks up or enjambs lines:

Gawain […] so bore that badge on both his shawl and shield alike. A prince who talked the truth. A notable. A knight.

This was a single sentence in the original, which got "chopped up" into four, including a full stop in the middle of a line.

George B. Pace's translation is the subject of a very charming story somebody posted on tumblr. It is abridged (12k words, versus 21k in the original), and translated into modern-sounding English prose, but if you are interested in the plot rather than the poetic devices it seems like a reasonable approach. I mostly didn't miss the parts he cut, although I do wonder about his focus when he e.g. omits lines of dialogue between Gawain and the Lady but leaves in the decorative filler about the zephyr warming the lands.

I have no particular thought about Burton Raffel's translation, except for one interesting pitfall. He translates most of the poem into prose (although it is kept divided in lines), but the four rhyming lines at the end of the stanzas are translated more loosely in order to make them rhyme. In theory this makes sense: for a modern reader the rhymes and iambs are very salient while we are not very attuned to alliterative verse, so translating just the bob-and-wheel into verse preserves most of the poetic effect.

But in practice it doesn't work so well. First, Raffel just isn't that good at it: Borroff and Tolkien manage to make their translations rhyme while sticking closer to the sense. But more interestingly, the rhyming couplets obviously draw the attention of the reader, and the author uses them to highlight the most load-bearing words, which are often chosen to be nicely ambiguous. The tale is written in 'lel' letters, which could mean that it's true, or only that it is composed in valid alliterative verse. King Arthur waits 'stif'ly to hear a tale or see a wonder, which (says Borroff) could be a heroic "resolute" or an ironic "stubborn". The lady enters Gawain's chamber and banteringly offers him 'my cors', which could mean "myself" but of course literally means body. And what were they doing to that deer? Actually these lines are the parts where you need to be most careful about the meaning.

J.R.R. Tolkien's translation is interesting because he seems to try something different. While Borroff and Armitage try to approximate the effect the poem would have on a 15th century reader by translating into current English, Tolkien uses archaic syntax ("him" for "himself", "we come not" for "we don't come" etc) and archaic vocabulary (the book includes a glossary, which you need to use to understand the translation at all). I think the idea is to capture what it is like for a modern reader who knows Middle English to read the Middle English original, with the particular pleasures of puzzling through a text as a non-native speaker.

Reading this (and even more his translation of Pearl in the same volume) I was surprised by how skilled Tolkien was at verse—he carries over a lot of the formal aspects, and I think his version sounds the best.

[edennill-archived]

In which I puzzle over metaphysical implications as regards the peoples inhabiting Arda

fyi, a certain familiarity with the (predominantly Christian, I think) concept of fallenness/unfallenness is assumed, although it turns out that it doesn't necessarily work here. Feel free to ask for clarifications

So. I'm once again wracking my head as I try to make sense of what I shall call: 'metaphysical states' of elves, men and others, because the subject is emphasised and lampshaded a lot in the books, and I can't force it all to make sense when taken together.

Ainur are a specific case and I should really leave them aside for now. They certainly can fall — and, unlike angels, change their mind, apparently (which goes both ways) — although they do seem to be more all-or-nothing than everyone else. Still, I think as long as one doesn't go into the implications of time and what its existence or nonexistence changes, they're almost straightforward. But then you have:

Elves. The 'Fall of the Noldor' is very strongly emphasised as a metaphysical fall from grace and further evils, even ones unconnected with the matter of the Silmarils themselves, are blamed on it later (Maeglin!) So far so good. Except. Non-Noldor are also liable to behave in ways that are not exemplary in the slightest, and it doesn't seem to signify a cesura in the same way — and the Noldor in Valinor were able to commit acts that perhaps weren't as heinous as what we call crimes, but weren't good either. Getting into rancid fights with your brother isn't much in comparison, but these are not the actions of unfallen people.

And on the other hand, authorial quote (paraphrased): "Elves in some ways represent Man in an unfallen state". And I'm inclined to agree: they aren't subject to death (except they may be killed, so doesn't this already break down?), and there is something very poignant in the image of their artistry, "extempt from earthly limitations". But they do not lose it, not in any easily tangible way. We can argue that evil diminishes creativity and it's probably true, but there is no hard line anyone passes. And this is again lampshaded in-world with the Númenoreans ("If we die because of some darkness that lay on us before, than why don't the Noldor?").

Which brings us to Men. The existence of a direct cause-effect relationship between fallenness and mortality in Arda cannot be ascertained (Even taking into account a Catholic framework, I feel that logically it need not be the same relationship as the Biblical one since, in contrast with the Garden of Eden, the world was already marred when humans appeared). While I consider the Tale of Adanel to be Gondorian in origin, I can also see the possibility that whatever Men did back then, beyond memory (or in other words "we purposefully forgot") was just that much worse than Alqualondë and the Oath. In any case, Man is very straightforwardly Fallen.

Hobbits. The rules for Halflings are presumably the same as for Men, which is certainly notable, given that they seem to be the least inclined to evil of all incarnates. Not perfect, not by a long shot, but unknowing of wars and violence. A pastoral image, only in-world it's true.

And at the same time, my musings bring me to the unexpected conclusion that dwarves are the only notable "generally unfallen" kindred. Which is, in context of everything that regards them, weird — because by their actions, they are very similar to Men. And yet — either the circumstances of their creation make them disadvantaged from the start (which doesn't really make that much sense), or something happened off-screen, or it's the same case as Saeros, or Thingol sending Beren to his death.

Ents? I honestly don't know if we've seen enough of ents to judge, although they seem generally good-inclined? Huorns are a different kettle of fish.

Before I try to explain orcs, it would do well to know what they are exactly.

In other words, I cannot make sense of it all, enough that I've resorted to calling the default state of incarnates in Arda "semi-fallen" (or, as is, "semi-unfallen"). Which is not a thing that makes sense, philosophically speaking — but I can find no better way.

(Although, to be quite honest, the default state of being in Arda (because of the discord?) seems to be significantly different from the unfallen state of Man as described by religious thinkers in some ways, and not all of them regard merely such things as physical marring, so perhaps "semi" isn't the worst way to describe it.)

In any case, if someone has thoughts on the subject, I'm very open to hearing them.

[erika-xero]

A small guide to commissioning artists: how to avoid getting scammed by people who use image generators

Because “Ai-art” is not art and everyone can use image generators for free.

Disclaimer! This post will include generated images which were originally uploaded on DeviantArt and Twitter by people who generated them. Some of these images are of erotic genre but censored out. I beg you, do not bully these people. This post wasn’t written to call anyone out, it was written to help human artists and their potential commissioners. While some of the “Ai-artists” out there may be real scammers, others are not, and I strongly believe that no one should be bullied, doxxed, stalked and no one deserve any threaths over some silly ai-generated pics. And - as always! - scroll down for the short summary.

Commissioning an artist in 2023 may be scary, especially if you are not experienced in working with artists and have a hard time to distinguish artworks from images generated by neural networks. But even now, with the tech evolving and with neural networks generating pics with multiple characters and fan art, there are still quite a few ways to avoid scammers.

The creator you are going to commission must have an established gallery

This doesn’t mean that you should not commission someone who is new to platform, someone who started drawing in 2022 or later or someone who didn’t upload their work online prior. Image generators actually forced some of the artists to remove their work from social networks. In addition, image generators can generate thousands of images within hours, which means that the scammers may have quite a lot of works uploaded. What I mean is that real artists grow. Their skills gets better over time – even if they are already established artists with huge experience. Their artistic approach constantly changes and evolve. It means that if there are hundreds of images in the artist’s gallery but their skill is always the same level and their artistic approach doesn’t change over time – this definitely might be a red flag. As an artist with a tendency to nuke my galleries on certain platforms (such as DeviantArt, VK and ArtStation), if I get asked to provide my commissioners with examples of my early artworks I will do it with no hesitation. 

You need to look through the artist’s gallery and analize their work

Searching for some decent examples on DeviantArt I stumbled upon a gallery which is four weeks old but already has 660+ deviations all of which look the same way in the matter of skill and artistic approach. While stylization may vary from image to image (some of the artworks look like typical anime-styled CG artworks from visual novels and others have semirealistic proportions), the coloring, the “brush” imitation, the textures on the backgrounds are absolutely the same on every image I analized.

There are a lot of images depictinioning conventionally attractive white or sometimes asian girls in this gallery, some of which seem familiar or resemble the characters from various media. Yes, image generators can now generate fan art. But what they can not generate is diversity. There are of course living artists who tend to draw only conventionally attractive white or asian people too, but now when the image generators gain popularity this lack of diversity automatically raise my suspicions. Drawing a crooked nose or dark skin is not hard and living artists who use references rarely fail at it. It’s image generators who fails this task constantly.

Here is an image titled as a commission. The person who uploaded it also have some content under the paywall and I do not see their images being tagged as Ai-generated too.

Remember the golder rule: spotting an Ai-generated image is the same as spotting the evil faerie in a dark folklore tale. Look them in the eyes. Count  their teeth. Look at their hands and count their fingers. Check if they have a shadow and if that shadow is of human form.The devil is in the details.

While this image may appear like a hand-painted artwork of the conventionally attractive girl at the first sight, however it has quite a few clues that may help you to realize that this artist is a scammer and his entire gallery is just a selection of most-decent looking images they managed to generate with neural network. This elven girl is insanely tall, and the shore behind her back, the stones, the grass and the trees are insanely small compared to her. The piece of jewellry is attached to her nips and it’s design makes no sense. What is the gold chain under her breast, which doesn’t seem to be attached to anything? Where does this piece of cloth hang from? Why does her head cast a triangular shadow on her arm?

Many details are easy to be spotted when an image is in high resolution. I do not recommend artists to post their works in high resolution online to avoid feeding the Ai-monster and also to avoid people using your works to produce pirated merch if they draw fan art. Yet in my opinion posting close-ups might become essential - because people who call themselves ai-artists are usually hiding the artifacts under filters and upload their image resized. So yes: avoid commissioning artists, who never post high resolution faces or overuse filters and blur. Because analizing the characters’ faces is now essential.

You may look at this picture and think: how is this possible for a neural network to create such a detailed image and not fail at it (if you also ignore the fact that the girl on the horse doesn’t have legs). Luckily, the person who uploaded it uploaded it in high resolution, so we can zoom in and... yeah.

The artifacts on these evil faeiries’ faces (especially eyes) and their hands speak for themselves.

Image generators have a tendency to either give characters extra fingers, phalanx or nails or hide the hands completely, if the person writing a prompt decide to to so. I do not know whether and how fast will the algorythm learn to generate normal human hands, but for now you should pay attention to these details to spot a generated image.

Like this randomly nakey fellow with two palms on a single wrist and with some extra fingers on their elbow...

...Or this Asuka Langley fan “art” I had to censor out, with her fingers twisted and crooked.

If you are up to commission an artwork and are in search of an artist who will actually do the job you absolutely must pay attention to small details on their works: the clothing, the jewellry, the tattoos, the anatomy.

While Ai-generated images may appear photorealistic at first sight, the neural network usually misses small details, creates artifacts and makes mistakes if there are too many similar objects or repetative patterns. For example, the infamous MidJourney Party Selfies depicting girls with roughly fifly teeth, extra collarbones and green watercolor spots instead of tattooes (and don’t forget to check the ginger lady’s hand). The hair dissolwing in fabric folds? Image generator. The clothing designs which makes no sence? Image generator. Jewellry dissolwing into character’s hair? Image generator. Moreover the image generators also make mistakes while generating interiors and architecture, since the algorythm is not aware of perspective and space and once again fails either at perspective and object size or with repetative objects and patterns. 

Like this image here: the bed, the window, the picture on the wall. The perspective on this image makes absolutely no sense: two walls and the bed all exist in different dimentions, while the character is once again of enormous height.

If you try to analize the background on this one, I swear, you can go insane. Look at the window and then look on the corner above it. 

There is also another red flag which makes it easy to spot a scammer: dozens of iterations of the same image, which usually happens with people who can’t choose the best image out of the bunch generated with the single prompt.

There are, of course, artists who do series of works, and sometimes these works may have similar ideas and themes, but they hardly ever look this similar to each other: they may differ in angles, poses, character designs and even the artistic approach (lineart, brushes, rendering and etc). The posting time is also important: drawing an actual artwork requires time and effort - for example, I need at least two weeks to finish an artwork with two or three characters and detailed background. So a bunch of ten similar images that are uploaded at the same time it is definitely a red flag. The ai-generated images have a lot of problems with anatomy, details, perspective and other basics human artists have to learn long before they become professionals. All while having glossy semi-realistic render which can only be achieved with years of practice. I’m not saying that there are no living human artists, who may make mistakes (everyone makes mistakes now and then, even the professionals who works in this industry for DECADES) or who choose not to give much thoughts to backgrounds while focusing on characters and rendering (it is okay too), but the combinations of various red flags listed above is something you definitely have to take in account while deciding whether or not you are going to commission an artwork from this creator.

Another example (this person openly admits that they use the images generators for funsies and I did not find him mentioning paywall anywhere). The image generator even imitated the watermark.

Red flags you may spot while working with the chosen artist

Image generators are tricky: they can generate multiple iterations of the same image, imitate WIPs and many more.

First of all, the artist should provide you with WIPs on every stage of work, not when the work is already done. We artists, do it for a reason. We need your feedback constantly, even if you grant us artistic freedom to chose the idea, the character pose, the medium and technique. There are always changes to be made, and we need to make them at proper stage: for example, change the pose or angle of your character while working on a sketch is thousand times easier than to do so while rendering the image. However, the minor changes are usually possible on the later stages (some of artists may require you to pay a small fee of a few bucks, others may not). While the living artists can easily change small details such as the character’s eye color (or other small design changes) not touching the rest of the artwork, image generators simply can not do so not rerendering the whole image. If an artist does not provide you with WIPs or only provide you with them when the work is done, if an artist refuses to make any changes  -  these may be interpreted as red flags. If an artist agrees to make any change, even the drastic ones, at a late stage, when the piece is almost finished - it is a red flag too. Ask for a small change every single time you need one. I know that there are artists out there who prefer to only provide their client with the finished image once it is done, but now when image generators gain populatiry his may be misinterpreted as if you are a scammer.

Here is a good example of image generators generating WIPs for an existing image: it might actually look scary both for many artists and many commissioners.

I know that some of the artists are panicking that the only way to prove that you really did the artwork is a timelapse recording but this method is not for everyone. Not everyone has a setup which allow them to record a timelapse for an every single commission (my laptop will simply explode if I try). Ask your artists which software/setup do they use, ask them whether or not they can provide you with a timelapse video, ask them which brushes do they use. I know that not everyone like sharing info on their pipeline but at this point it is essential to provide your clients with information on the information about your pipeline, tools and software. For example, if your artist works in Procreate (which is available in Ipad) they have all the timelapses recorded automatically. But please, mind that not everyone have such a privilege.

As a commissioner you can ask an artist for screenshots of their workspace with all the interface visible. If they refuse providing you with that or have a hard time answering the questions about the software they use it might be a red flag. I would also suggest you not to force your artist to draw everything on stream, especially if these streams are public, because there are already cases when people took screenshots of the work in progress, used the image to image generator to apply the shiny rendering to it and accused the original artists of plagiarism. It is a risk for artists and it is okay to refuse such a request. You can also ask an artist for .PSD file of the commission, but the artist have a right to refuse sharing it online for copyright-related reasons. The original .PSD file is a best proof of authorship in court for residents of many countries. Artists can still provide you with the resized .psd file with some of the layers merged or with the background/character png with transparent background without putting themselves at risk. Of course there are artists who draw on the single layer - but without a timelapse recorded this may indeed seem suspicious that the artist does not have a .psd file with layers at all. Always ask your artist to provide you with high resolution image when the commission is finished and fully paid for. There are artists who works on smaller canvases, but working on the canvas smaller than 1000px wide might be interpreted as a red flag, since it is easy to hide artifacts on a resized image. I myself prefer working on larger canvases, from 6000 pixels wide to 10000 pixels wide (300 DPI) because I had an experience with printing my images out to sell them at conventions. While I do not sell commissioned works as prints I still give my commissioners a right to print the finished images out for non-commercial purposes. Thus, I always make sure that it is possible to make a wall print of a decent size out of the finished product. Avoid working with platforms which do not support refunds. It must either be a payment system which support sending invoices or an established platform known and used among the art community (patreon, buymeacofee, boosty, Paypal and etc.). Most artists do not do refunds for finished works — which is absolutely a right thing to do - but sometimes an error might occure. I know people who accidentally paid for their commissions twice and the artists still had to do a refund. Yes, you must respect the artists Terms of Service, but ithas nothing to do with unrelyable platforms used to scam people.

To sum it up

Search for an artists with established galleries,which has a believable amount of works and the visible artistic progress/evolution;

Analyze the artist's gallery, carefully inspecting their work for anything that might be interpreted as a red flag. Excessive fingers, crooked hands, broken perspective, clothing designs and jewellry that makes no sense, extra collarbones, lack of diversity, excessive teeth, artifacts in the eye area, interior and architecture elements which makes no sense — all while the images being glossy, fully rendered as if the artist have decades of experience;

Avoid people with too many iterations of the same image in their profile;

Avoid people with too many images being uploaded at the same time (it is okay to upload a bunch of prevoulosly done artworks when you start running your account, but uploading hundrends of images every week for a long period of time is really suspicious);

Ask for constant WIPs. Give feedback at a proper time. See the reaction;

Ask for a small change when the image is almost finished: it is impossible for the image generator to do so without fully rerendering the image, at least for now;

Ask your artist which software and assets do they use;

Ask (if it is possible) for a timelapse recording — either if the commissioned work or at least of one of their previous works (if they had an opportunity to record it before);

Ask your artist for in program screenshots with visible interface and history (if possible);

Ask your artist to show you the layers of the artwork — at least character/background only layers (mind that the background might be less detailed/wonky at the places which usually are hide but the character's figure). Ask for a resized .psd with some of the layers merged or a gif animation of each layer being added on top — this is what I usually do;

Ask for high resolution file of the commissioned image once you paid for it and it is finished. If the artist doesn’t have it and claim to work on the canvas smaller than 1000 px wide and/or claim that they intentionally delete the original file somehow - this may raise suspicions. Of course a person can delete the file accidentally or have their hard drive crushed, but if you have already spotted some red flags while working with this artist it might be a sign of a person trying to scam you too;

Many of the stuff listed above might be interpreted as a red flag , but I strongly advice you not to judge anyone by one or two points from this post. For example, a person can draw on one layer and mess up the perspective on a drawing entirely! However, if you've played a bingo and suddenly won — you have most likely encountered a person who try to fool and scam you;

Avoid working with suspicious payment methods. If you never heard about  a platform before — google it and see whether or not other established artists use it. If not - it might be a scam;

And remember! People may use the images generators for various reasons: for fun, to create references of their characters to later commission reall artists artworks with said character (for example, the art breeder is a useful tool to create arealistic image of the character, even though I find it slightly limiting). Yes, image generators are unethical and trained on copyrighted data, but a person using it may not be aware of this problem. Not every single person who call themselves an “Ai-artist” has malicious plans to scam people or to gain wealth using their funny little tool. Sometimes they do it for fun and do not pretend that it is anything more that a game. Thank you for reading this far and good luck with your commissions!

Have a picture of an absolutely normal and realistic woman, generated by the neural network!