#i also love to drive myself to distraction thinking about what it must feel like to lose so much power and be facing imminent doom and

[nysscientia]

okay but Wyll is like. a prodigy, actually. and I want to talk about that more

like he is a folk hero for a reason. it's not just because he's so nice to people. he is also an incredible adventurer.

when you meet him in the Grove, he is on a level with you—but dialogue makes it clear that's because the tadpole fucked with his capabilities. if you have him around and hear his little interparty exchanges and reactive lines, he talks about things he's done as the Blade of Frontiers, and they include wrestling a giant one-on-one, and fighting a dragon. by himself.

he fought a dragon by himself!!

like (spoilers for end of game), even when you fight a dragon in the finale, you're not doing it ALONE. you have 3 other party members and as many allies as you care to summon. WYLL WAS ALONE IN THE WOODS WITH WHATEVER SUPPLIES HE COULD SCRAPE TOGETHER AS A SOLO ADVENTURER. AND HE FOUGHT A DRAGON.

by all accounts, I think it's reasonable to guess that before the tadpole, he was more powerful than the level 12 cap that's built into the game. and sure, he's a warlock drawing power from a bond, but most D&D lore I've encountered build in the idea that warlocks need a certain amount of skill and prowess to handle the power offered to them by their patron—there's a reason warlocks and clerics still level up, rather than just shooting to the top of the ladder. PLUS, he had to know how to use that power effectively.

and then!! (spoilers for epilogue) if he does the Avernus version of his ending, he's become a ranger within the 6 months since you've last seen him. and not like, he took a level or two in ranger and he's working his way up to it. he tells you about devils he's killed that are on par with the dangers y'all faced in your adventures—and he's doing this either with only Karlach for company, or possibly even by himself (??? I've only ever had him go with Karlach, I can't stand it). so. he is ALSO now one of the most powerful RANGERS in the realms. IN 6 MONTHS.

which makes sense! he wouldn't lose all his adventuring knowledge and skills just because the pact is ended! but to master an entirely new discipline, magic and all, in such a short time??

WYLL RAVENGARD HERO OF THE REALMS. WYLL RAVENGARD GENIUS OF ADVENTURE. WYLL RAVENGARD CAN DO ANYTHING HE SETS HIS MIND TO

[honeytonedhottie]

cultivating creativity and a deeper understanding of self⋆.ೃ࿔*:･🍰

PROMPTED JOURNALING ; 

shadow work and prompted journaling is a rly helpful way to get to know urself better. it cultivates not only creativity and a sense of identity, but also healing.

journal therapy is literally everything and i cannot recommend it enough. some shadow work prompts that you can use to start off are listed below.  

what part of myself do i feel disconnected to and why 

how do i let others invade my boundaries 

what beliefs and behaviors did u adopt from ur family that you now question 

what easily triggers sadness or anger from you. and what might be the deeper reason for this sensitivity

are there desires and ambitions that you feel embarrassed or scared to admit? and why?

journaling mainly involves self expression without fear of judgement. it’s like expressing urself without feeling ashamed so i highly recommend it for anyone who feels like they struggle with self expression. 

SELF EXPRESSION ; 

working on ur self expression also helps to kind of cultivate a sense of identity and knowledge of who you are and what u value. like i mentioned earlier you can express yourself in so many different ways. i’ll get deeper into the self expression aspect in the post. 

PASSION ; 

what are you passionate about? what drives u everyday? is it money? academic validation or academic research? maybe it’s romance or a strong desire for something. 

it’s okay. everyone’s answer might be different but there’s no wrong answer. identify what motivates you and what ur working towards. 

BEING BORED ; 

give yourself the privilege to do nothing. give yourself the luxury of being bored. when ur not doing anything, this frees up ur mind to think and cultivate ideas and concepts, most of the epiphanies that i have are a result of my alone time. 

when there’s nothing to do, you’re forced to think. and most ppl look for distractions and excuses to not spend time by themselves bcuz they don’t wanna spend time in their thoughts. they don’t wanna just be in their mind and i understand cuz at one point i was also in that position. 

to break this habit and be comfortable in ur own mind you must first be uncomfortable. start small, dedicate a small amount time to just lay and think, let ur mind wander as far as you want. and the next day let ur mind wander for a longer amount of time and so on until you can do this comfortably. 

CREATIVE OUTLETS ; 

something that i’ve learned on my journey is that having a creative outlet was rly important for me to be able to cultivate who i wanted to be and to be authentic and original. 

a creative outlet is a way that u can express yourself and your ideas some examples of a creative outlet could be 

pinterest accounts - i have so many pinterest accounts and on those accounts i turn my boards to art. lately i’ve been interested in photography and photos in general so this was rly good for me. 

a blog - starting ur own blog about something that ur passionate about/know a lot about or something that ur learning about is a great way to track progress and document ur journey

a journal - like i’ve mentioned earlier on in the post a journal is the simplest one to do in my opinion and i love it so so much

creating art - whether it’s pinterest boards, paintings, sketches, music, poetry, stories WHATEVER YOU WANT. 

DEEPER UNDERSTANDING ; 

process ur emotions in a thoughtful and efficient way and try looking deeper into ur behavioral patterns and habits. why are you the way you are? 

what are you passionate about? etc etc. cultivate a relationship with yourself through self care and healing work. remember that healing isn’t a linear process and in no case will it be, but i think that u owe it to yourself to know and cultivate urself. 

[emilys-bangs]

Awww congrats on 200 followers lovely!!! You deserve it, I always find myself rereading your works! So I went to the first section Andromeda, saw prompt #1 “Pull over. Let me drive for awhile.” and thought YES that’s an Emily prompt right there 🤣 I feel like Emily being able to immediately sense reader’s feelings would be super sweet. Like maybe it was rough case/day for reader, Emily steps up, and then starts rambling trying to distract reader so they’re both just laughing and even more in love by the end? Will also read whatever you want to write 🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻

Tysm lovely!!! It amazes me that you reread my fics, I'm so happy you like them🥹!! I changed a tiny bit of this at the end, hope you don't mind <3

Word count: 0.9k

Join my celebration here <3

You’re upset. It’s not hard to see—shoulders rising to your ears, your jaw set, the skin pulled tight over your knuckles as you grip the steering wheel. Add that to the lack of your usual easy chatter and Emily’s worried, absently picking at the loose skin around her nail as she tries not to make it too obvious she’s staring.

The case was hard on you. The two of you shared a room this time, so she was more in tune with you than she normally is. She heard the sounds of distress you let out in your sleep almost every night, the way you’d toss and turn on the bed for hours after. Emily didn’t say anything, held back her urge to talk to you about it, but she noticed the restless frustration building in you, the way you poured yourself into the case. 

It ended badly, and you’ve been quiet ever since.

She hadn’t argued when you grabbed the car keys, figuring you’d appreciate the small modicum of control, but it’s been almost half an hour and she’s grown uneasy from your still-tight grip on the wheel. Her eyes flick to your face just in time to see the tick in your clenched jaw.

Before Emily can think about it, the words are out of her mouth. “Pull over,” she says softly, breaking the stillness. “Let me drive for a while.”

You give no indication that you heard her; silence makes her words hang in the air, unanswered. Her worry increases when you don’t protest, simply pulling over and unbuckling your seatbelt. 

Emily gets out of the car and makes her way to the driver’s seat just as you’re getting out. She knows her gaze must be hot on your cheeks, but you don’t look at her. Instead, your gaze tips up, and she follows it.

The one road leading out of town is dark. Apart from the headlights of the car and a few spare street lamps, it’s swathed almost entirely in darkness, and the sky above you is lit up with stars.

“Pretty, aren’t they?” Emily murmurs, desperately trying to draw an answer from your lips.

You hum noncommittally and move past her to get back in the car.

Helplessness crawls up Emily’s throat and settles there like a hard lump. She swallows tightly and gets into the car, briefly unmoored at her reaction to your reaction, unsure why it is that she so desperately wants you to be okay.

The silence is back as she drives off. From the corner of her eye, she sees you rest your head on the window and cross your arms, turning away.

Emily is an expert on body language—she has to be—but this time, she can’t sit and watch you drift away from her, further into your mind.

“Did you recognize any constellations out there?” She blurts out, then winces at the stupid question. 

You’re slow to respond. 

“Think I saw…what was that famous one called? The hunter?”

Relief floods Emily’s veins. “Yeah, Orion.” She nods, turning to get a glimpse of you. Your head is still on the window, but your body is tilted toward hers. Her next breath comes a little easier. “It’s arguably the most recognizable constellation in the Milky Way. It lies on the celestial equator, so it’s visible from both the Northern and Southern Hemispheres.”

“Okay, Reid,” you retort, but the gentleness to your voice tells her you don’t mean any malice. Emily turns and finds a small quirk to your lips; she bites back a smile of her own.

“Yeah, I was a big geek about the stars,” she whispers. Still am. Emily clears her throat. “When I was younger, I used to spend summers in a cabin up in the Alps with my grandfather. He had these huge books about stars and constellations.” You’re quiet next to her, but she sees the way you perk up and shift closer. She never shares her past—or any aspect of her life, really—with anyone, but it’s you, and if it makes you feel even a little bit better, she’ll spell out her whole life’s story for you to hear. 

“The sky was so clear there, it’s insane. I used to draw constellations on the back of my hand and try to search for them in the sky; I spent hours looking up until Grandad called me back. And for each one I’d found, he’d tell me a story.” A wistful smile pulls at her lips. When Emily turns and finds you staring with your head cushioned on your arm, her smile widens.

“Do you want to hear the story of Orion?” She asks softly.

She hears the low whoosh of air as you breathe in, then nod once. “Yeah,” you give her a small smile and warmth spreads all over her body, “I do.”

You’re asleep by the end of it, exhaustion claiming your body, but somehow, at some point, your pinky linked with hers. Both your hands rest on the console now, and Emily looks away from the empty road ahead of her. Your lashes rest on your cheeks, the tense lines of your face relaxing in sleep, and she squeezes your pinky before turning back to the road, her heart somewhat lighter.

taglist: @suckerforcate

[towriteloveontheirarms]

Let me put my lips to something (Alicent Hightower x Reader)

synopsis: Neglected by your husband, you find a confidant in Alicent, who is being treated the same way by her own husband. The depth of that trust and friendship however stay hidden to the two of you until one faithfull evening.

warnings: period typical homophobia, more porn than plot, kissing, oral sex, afab reader

word count: 3k

taglist: @hopelesswritergall, @urmomsgirlfriend1

(If you want to be tagged for a specific character/fandom/series or in general let me know in my asks, comments or DMs)

It is late when you knock at the queen´s chambers. You are aware it is, but you don´t know where else to go as well. Trying to keep a neutral expression on your face for the servants that walk by you, your foot taps on the stone floor, until the heavy doors finally open. You can tell Alicent is surprised to see you at this time of day.

“The hour is late. Are you feeling well?” She asks with worry coating her voice.

It takes a while for you to find your own voice as you see her standing in front of you however. She looks so beautiful. Her curly, auburn hair flows over her shoulders perfectly and the dressing gown covering her night dress adulates her figure in the most flattering ways.

“May I come in?” You ask quietly so that only the woman can hear.

“Naturally.” Alicent steps aside to let you in.

Together the two of you sit down at the table in her rooms and suddenly you are more nervous than before your knuckles grazed her door.

“I must say, you look positively radiant this evening.” You compliment her in the hope to distract her attention from the way your fingers pick at each other and you eyebrows pull together. To no avail.

“You are amongst friends. Speak your mind freely. What is wearing so heavy on your soul?” Alicent lays her hand on yours to keep you from hurting yourself. Much like you often did to her. The touch sends a spark of electricity through your arm to your heart, making it stop for just a beat. You weren't sure how it had happened but after you married her eldest son, the queen and you had become a source of comfort for each other. Both neglected by your husbands and left to fend for yourselves against a seemingly uncaring world. Or court at least. And some time in the three years you now lived in the Red Keep, you had found yourself falling for the one person you could never have. Not only a woman, but the queen of the seven kingdoms none the less.

"My Queen. My friend. You know I do not like to speak ill of people, even more so when it is your own son I am speaking about. Yet every day more I feel I am not strong enough for this marital bond. I find myself wishing Aegon would simply divorce me. The silent sisters or even the wall would seem like a simpler lot."

“I feel for you and I do not blame you for such thought, my dear. Yet I must also protest. You possess much more strength than you think. I can see it in your eyes. Your husband may not know how lucky he is in having someone so lovely and intelligent besides him…” She pauses in the middle of her sentence and never finishes it. Searching anything in the room but your eyes.

“I cannot thank you enough for listening to my foolish worries. They must seem so small compared to what you have to endure.” Your hands take a hold of her delicate ones and you allow your thumb to caress the back of them to get her attention again.

Unbeknownst to you that simple action drives her heart to pound against her chest in a much quicker rhythm than before.

“If they burden you they are not foolish at all. Better to voice them in the safety of this chamber than to break from them. I have to admit, I do feel like I am trapped in a gilded cage from time to time. Though your presence has made my suffering more bearable.” An inexplicable blush lays itself over the queen´s pale features at the last sentence.

“I will always be here for you, dear friend. For as long as I breathe.” You squeeze the woman’s hands gently to emphasize the intent in your words. Words that speak of a love far deeper than the one for a mere friend.

One of your hands leaves her touch to rest against her rosy cheek. Your thumb caressing over the warm skin. The air between the two of you seems to crack with tension. Her breath falters under your fingertips and suddenly nothing between you seems like it should be between friends. The underlying feeling of her being your husbands mother is gone entirely. It encouraged you to utter the words you swore you would never tell a single living soul.

“May I confess something else? Something darker than what I laid upon you already?” You feel Alicent nod under your hand. It is your only answer as you avert your gaze in shame at the desire you are about to share.

“I had a dream last night. Stemming from desires I tried to hide and pray away for some time now, but all the praying in the world was for naught.” Your voice is barely above a rough whisper.

“What happened in that dream?” Follows Alicent´s question. Equally as quiet at the seriousness of the moment.

“I dreamt about you…” The words come out only slowly. “And me. We were lying in bed. You were writhing underneath me in pleasurer at my touch. It was a most sinful, yet beautiful dream.”

Alicent is left speechless, with an even higher beating heart and an animated fantasy. Despite that, her words speak of the opposite sentiment.

“This… this is highly inappropriate. We are both married and even if we weren´t this could never be by the laws of the seven. It would be better for you to retire to your chambers now” The words have so little conviction that you are unsure who she is trying to convince.

Your thumb wipes over her heated cheek once more and before you know it there are mere inches separating her lips from yours. Your eyes meet hers one last time and with a shuttering breath you taste her lips on yours. It´s only for a moment, but that tentative touch heightens your senses massively. When your eyes open again Alicent´s brown ones are already looking back at you. Uncertain, searching in yours for what to do next, for an answer to all this.

“You need to leave. Now. Before this can lead to anything… more…” The brunette stands up, walking out of reach to wrap her arms around herself. The feelings of shame and want clashed inside of her. Swirling in her stomach in a whirlwind of emotional conflict.

“Please, do not send me away so soon.” You plead in a soft tone. Walking after her to lay your hands on her shoulders. “I am begging you, dear friend.”

Alicent doesn´t push them away. Instead she turns around to take your hands once more.

“What are you doing to me?” She breathes.

“I merely wish to love you. To worship you, just like you deserve. Even if it is for one night only. Let me prove the true nature of my feelings to you. I care naught for how sinful these desires are. You are too beautiful not to sin.” You lead your friend to her bed and sit her down beside you. “Will you let me?”

Your hands travel the length over Alicent´s arms with feather light touches as you wait for an answer. Taking in the satin of her dressing gown underneath your finger tips and the silky, smooth texture of her hair as you put it behind her ear.

Her soft lips part to make way for a fluttering breath to escape and then she leans in to lock her lips with yours again. It takes not even a second for you to respond to it. At first they brush over Alicent's lips in a slow, sensual manner. You try not to overwhelm her with everything. That however quickly wanes, when her tongue presses against your lip to silently ask for entrance. Of course you let her in letting her tongue explore your mouth and dance with yours as you do. One of your hands wanders down to open the dressing gown and slips it off Alicent´s shoulders. Wandering up the front of her body, grazing her breasts that were now only clothed in a thin nightdress anymore. The way her heart beats against it clearly tangible. Assuring you that your friend is just as excited as you are. Next your hands gently push the older woman backwards by the shoulder, to lay on the bed as you straddle her hips. Letting your hands wander over her breasts over the fabric of her nightdress once more, a small moan falls sounds off into the room. Her body has long since forgotten what is happening right now is a sin. She feels herself being pulled into the heat of the moment, letting her body go loose to the touches of her friend´s hands. You part from her only for a second, trying to gather yourself. It is so unbelievable that you are lucky enough to be allowed to touch her in this way. Then you place a peck to the corner of her now kiss swollen lips, trailing more passionate, open-mouthed kisses along the length of the side of her neck. Looking down, Alicent's fingers clutch at the blankets, her hips instinctively rising towards yours as your bodies brush against each other. Another moan escapes Alicent's lips, as the tingling sensation your touch leaves behind and that excites her more and more.

“Do you know how long I have desired this...?” Alicent whispers in a voice full of passion, her voice catching in her throat.

“Tell me how long.” You murmur against the hollow at the base of Alicent's throat. Mouthing at it and then kissing further down to her collar bones. Alternating between soft kisses and gentle nibbles.

When the queen´s hips raise off the mattress again, you shift your weight to put a leg between both of her thighs, to assist her in her search for more friction to satisfy the need for more stimulation.

Alicent turns her head to be able to look into your eyes, even though they are blurred because of lust and love and the way her body rubs against yours. Her heart still pounding heavy in her chest.

“Since I first saw you. When you came to the keep after the match was made. Your dress was such a beautiful green and you hair… Oh, your hair.” Alicent's voice trails off as she closes her eyes, unable to keep looking for the moment.

“Keep looking at me. I want to see your eyes.” You whisper into Alicent's ear with a soft dominant tone. Waiting until you have your lover´s eyes on you again to push up the nightdress to reveal her pale skin and the rosy nipples that sit atop her beautiful breasts.

“ I cannot.” Alicent says while trying to hide her face, but she can't manage too.

You grab her chin between your thumb and forefinger to turn her face back to you and  her body is overcome with lust, and her mind is consumed by the image of your hair in her hands. Your eyes looking deeply into hers, with a look as if she had created the world and your lips on her supple skin.

“Look at me.” You whisper with more emphasis. “You are so beautiful.”

“Yes, oh yes.” Alicent whispers in a faint voice, her breath catching in her throat.

She feels her mind go hollow and her heart beating so fast it feels like it is about to explode. She moans again and again as she is overwhelmed with so much more than she has ever been able to desire in her lifetime.

“You are a goddess…” You murmur breathlessly against her breasts. Your tongue swirling around the erect buds until they are painfully hard. Blowing on them to elicit another sound of pleasure, before you close your lips around the peaks of her chest to nibble and suck on them.

Meanwhile your hands find Alicent's hips. Leading them with a firm grip in a slow rhythm to drag against her thigh.

Alicent's breath comes out in hot, shallow breaths. Her entire being is consumed with your touch, her body shaking.

“It's like heaven. It's divine, that touch of yours.” Alicent's breath quickens, yet her mind remains empty of all thought. All she understands is the need to feel more.

The older woman´s hands let go of your hair and the bedsheets to take hold of your shoulders. Her nails digging into the flesh as you guide her away from your thigh and instead replace it with your fingers. Reverend touches of your fingertips, pull all kinds of sounds from her. Delicious whines and whimpers and needy pleas for more.

“Please, oh gods, please. More… More...” Alicent is on the edge of losing control. Her mouth opens, but no words can form under the small, deliberate circles you rub into the sensitive bundle of nerves that sits at the top of her fluttering cunt.

You can tell Alicent is close to her release. So you capture your lover's lips in another passionate kiss, swallowing her every loud moan as to not get caught by any guards, your fingers lead her over the edge of pleasure.

“Yes! Yes!” That's all her mind can grasp as her entire body shakes with her release.

Once all the pent up energy is out of Alicent´s system and the shaking dies down to a trembling again, You take your fingers, that had caught some of her juices, away from her wet heat and lick them clean.

“You truly are a delicacy. To be savored, not used and cast aside at the whims of men that cannot even begin to process the goddess that you are.” You groan at her sweet taste.

Diving down between her legs, wrapping your arms around them to keep her hips still, you begin to kiss all around her center. Nibbling and sucking a few, easily concealed marks into her flesh. Teasing her long before she finally puts her lips to the queens wet heat. Letting her tongue swipe out to lick a wide stripe through it.

Alicent feels like a bolt of electricity has hit her. Her entire body is consumed with excitement. She does not want you to ever stop touching her. Every touch is a pure delight that Alicent's body and mind crave. It has her panting and heaving for air, writhing underneath you in no time. Not able to stop the feelings she feels building up in her body, she tries to push her lover´s head away, but her weakened arms cannot stop the force of your touch.

Assured by her actions, you suck on the queen's pearl even harder. The feelings of another oncoming release begin to wash over her again, she is taken back to that moment when her body was pushed over the edge. Her nails raking over your back to leave red markings along it. Until they reach the back of your head.

You willingly let Alicent pull your head closer between her legs and think, that if you were to die then and there, tasting your lover's nectar on your tongue, it would be the happiest death. Nevertheless you live and Alicent reaches her second peak. Alicent gasps for air as her entire body is consumed with pleasure. She is convinced that her heart will give out any second now from how hard it beats. She is in the seven heavens. Would be screaming out her feelings, if it wouldn´t be for your hand covering her mouth. You are eager to please the queen, but you are not eager to face the king´s wrath for doing so. Your tongue guides her through her climax. Making sure not to waste a drop of the sweet nectar from between her legs. While under your hand a muffled whine of your name signals her overstimulation. Then you kiss your way up again. Over Alicent's stomach and chest up to her lips.

"You taste so sweet. Truly divine.” You murmur as you give her a taste of herself.

Shifting your weight once more, you lay next to Alicent. The pinky finger of one of your hands entangled with one of hers as your other hand runs lightly over Alicent's bare arm.

“How do you feel?” Alicent feels her heart flutter, as the simple touch and question. She looks towards her lover, her eyes fixed with adoration. Her cheeks become flushed once more as she takes in her love, not only for you but for the way you makes her feel. Safe, loved, content.

“I do not know how you manage to make me feel this way.” Alicent says as she caresses your cheek.

“I am merely a fool in love, lucky enough to share the bed of the most beautiful woman in all of Westeros.” You say as you savor every moment of the sweet touch. Butterflies raging in both of your stomachs.

Alicent cannot take her eyes away from you. The love she bears for her lover, the way all her thoughts and emotions are consumed by the desire for your touch and love makes her smile.

“Come here.” Her voice remains calm, though it trembles slightly due to her lasting breathlessness. “Kiss me again.”

“Anything the queen commands.” You tease her with a wide smirk. Letting her pull you closer, before laying her lips on Alicent's in a slow, most tender kiss. You wrap your arms around the queen. Tracing the length of her spine with the most reverend touches.

Even the softest movement of your fingers send a wave of pleasure down her spine. She cannot hold back any longer. Alicent's body is overcome with a feeling she can barely describe.

“Love me.” Her voice trembles with excitement, though she cannot say much more. All she wants is you.

“You will never go unloved for another day as long as I live. I promise. In the smallest gazes and touches or in the biggest gestures we can allow. I will always love you.” You promise her and the look in your eyes tells Alicent that you mean every single word of it.

[wearelondonhq]

TWILIGHT SAGA SENTENCE STARTERS.   feel free to change pronouns   /   change the sentence(s) to your liking.  

Happy Meme Day!!! If you want to take part all you have to do is reblog this post. Remember if you reblog to send them out to EVERYONE who also does. Meme lasts from today until the next Sunday (the 26th of May).

❛  i’ve got it,  i’ve got it!  i’m all right!  ❜

❛  you fell down two flights of stairs.  you went through a window.  ❜

❛  i’ll do whatever it takes to make you safe again.  ❜

❛  you’re in here because of me.  ❜

❛  ( name ),  calm down,  everything’s alright.  ❜

❛  you just can’t say stuff like that to me.  ever.  ❜

❛  rip him apart and burn the pieces.  ❜

❛  where else am i gonna go?  ❜

❛  where should i meet you?  ❜

❛  i put a new can of pepper spray in your bag.  ❜

❛  i’d never given much thought to how i’d die.  ❜

❛  c’mon,  we gotta talk boys!  are you being safe?  ❜

❛  dying in the place of someone i love seems like a good way to go.  ❜

❛  i have to go home now.  you have to take me home.  ❜

❛  you were a stubborn child,  weren’t you?  ❜

❛  when everything’s done,  i’m going to come back and get you.  ❜

❛  leave me alone!  it’s over!  get out!  ❜

❛  that’s gonna be a home run,  right?  ❜

❛  i’m gonna make it go away.  i’ll make it go away.  ❜

❛  what am i gonna say to him?  ❜

❛  death is peaceful.  easy.  life is harder.  ❜

❛  i just want to try one thing.  stay really still.  ❜

❛  i can’t hurt him.  ❜

❛  ( name ),  you are my life now.  ❜

❛  this isn’t real.  this kind of stuff doesn’t exist.  ❜

❛  we can do more stuff together.  ❜

❛  you’re not gonna drive home right now.  ❜

❛  ( name ), c’mon. i just—  i just got you back.  ❜

❛  why don’t you lemme drive?  ❜

❛  if i don’t leave now then i’m just gonna be stuck here like _.  ❜

❛  what if he kills one of us first?  ❜

❛  babe,  c’mon,  it’s just a game.  ❜

❛  is it enough just to have a long and happy life with me?  ❜

❛  i’ll keep her safe,  ( name ).  ❜ ❛  you’re ready right now?  ❜

❛  i/we won’t be bothering you anymore.  ❜

❛  i dream about being with you forever.  ❜

❛  if anything happens,  i swear to god.  ❜ ❛ 

❝ I decided as long as I'm going to hell, I might as well do it thoroughly. ❞

❝ I said it would be better if we weren’t friends, not that I didn’t want to be.❞

❝ What if I'm the bad guy/girl/person? ❞    

❝ Do I dazzle you? ❞

❝ The right thing isn't always real obvious. ❞

❝ You’re still waiting for the running and the screaming, aren’t you? ❞

❝ I am not really breaking any rules. ❞

❝ You think I regret saving your life? ❞

❝ I always say too much when I'm talking to you. That's one of the problems. ❞

❝ I know love and lust don't always keep the same company. ❞

❝ Do you like scary stories? ❞

❝ No matter how perfect the day is, it always has to end. ❞

❝ I miss you. ❞

❝ Distract me, please.  ❞

❝ You really should stay away from me. ❞

❝ It's too easy to be myself with you. ❞

❝ It's not the end. It's the beginning. ❞

❝ Your hair looks like a haystack, but I like it. ❞

❝ I'd rather know what you're thinking - even if what you're thinking is insane. ❞

❝ Can't you just thank me and get over it? ❞

❝ You've got a bit of a temper, don't you? ❞

❝ I don’t like to lie – so there’d better be a good reason why I’m doing it. ❞

❝ Without the dark, we'd never see the stars. ❞

❝ I hate you for making me want you so much. ❞

❝ Immortality must grant endless patience. ❞

❝ I'd rather die than stay away from you. ❞

❝ I love you. It's a poor excuse for what I'm doing, but it's still true. ❞

❝ I wished there was some way to explain how very uninterested I was in a normal human life. ❞

❝ I'm feeling extremely insignificant! ❞

BONUS! UNDER THE CUT, FIND A FEW MORE FROM NEW MOON AND ECLIPSE:

"what  part  of  'mortal  enemies'  is  too  complicated  for  you  to—"

"i  don't  think  you  should  dump  all  your  other  friends  for  your  boyfriend."

"sure,  sure.  i'll  stop  by  your  crypt  after  school."

"do  you  really  think  hurting  her  is  better  than  protecting  her?"

"i  thought  it  would  be  something  faintly  realistic."

"look  after  my  heart  —  i've  left  it  with  you."

"if  i  get  hurt,  it  was  because  i  tripped."

"i'm    not    going    to    hide    out    in    the    forest    while    you    all    take    risks    for    me."

"let's    get    this    stupid    party    over    with."

"i    am    not    really    breaking    any    rules."

"i    wondered    why    i    was    being    so    formal.    must    be    the    nerves."

"how  can  we  be  friends,  when  we  love  each  other  like  this?"

“you  try  very  hard  to  make  up  for  something  that  was  never  your  fault.”

“you  didn’t  choose  this  kind  of  life,  and  yet  you  have  to  work  so  hard  to  be  good.”

“you’re  the  very  best  part  of  my  life.”

“it  was  exactly  what  was  to  be  expected.”

“i’d  rather  deal  with  real  zombies  than  watch  a  romance.”

“can  i  help  you  with  something?  you  look  lost.”

“your  friends  are  a  lot  more  interesting  than  mine.”

“five  foot  four  is  perfectly  average.”

“you’re  like  a  little  doll.”

“do  i  look  like  i  tripped  in  your  garage  and  hit  my  head  on  a  hammer?”

“you  can  be  so  out  of  it  sometimes.”

“i’m  in  the  mood  for  action.  bring  on  the  blood  and  guts!”

[laevanders]

Hm

Incorrect Quotes with the caballeros.

Cause I can

Donald, driving José and Panchito: So how was your day?

Panchito: We almost got surprise adopted!

Donald: What?

José: We almost got kidnapped.

Donald: Oh, okay.

Donald: *slams on the breaks* WAIT WHAT?

Panchito: Donal' and I were crossing the street, and this dude drove by and honked at us

José: *Sighing* What did B do?

Panchito: he chased him to the next red light, then reached into his window and...

Donald: Who wants a steering wheel?

Panchito: What if I press the brake and gas at the same time?

José: The car takes a screenshot.

Donald: For the last time, get the fuck out.

Donald: Would you stab your best friend in the leg for 10 million gold?

Panchito: You stab me, and then when my leg gets better, we buy a big-ass house.

José: You can stab me too, then we'll have 20 million.

Panchito: Good thinking.

*insert donald having flashbacks to his uncle*

Panchito: How's the sexiest person here~?

Donald: I don't know, how are they~?

Panchito, flustered: I-

José, from across the room: I'm doing great, thanks!

Panchito: In my defense, I was left unsupervised.

Donald: Wasn't C with you?

José: In my defense...I was also left unsupervised.

I feel like this one is canon

José: I told Donal' his ears flush when he lie.

Panchito: Why?

José: Look.

José: Hey Donal'! Do you love us?

Donald, covering his ears: No.

Panchito: Are you sure this is the right direction?

José: Certainly, I'm as sure as I am honest!

Donald: In that case, we're definitely lost

The squad is trying to con some random guy

Panchito: Um, Jose, why are you pretending I'm this guy's family?

José: We need money!

Panchito: You're scamming him?

José: I was thinking more like flat-out stealing from him?

Panchito: What?! No way!

José: Why not? We already stole Donald!

Donald: Hey guys

Panchito: No, we didn't. Donald can think and talk for themself, they can do whatever they want!

Donald: I wanna steal

Panchito: What do you think Donal' will do for a distraction?

José: he’ll probably, like, make a noise or throw a rock. That’s what I would do.

*Building explodes and several car alarms go off*

Jose: ... or he could do that.

Donald: We’re playing Scrabble. It’s a nightmare.

Panchito: Scrabble? Scrabble’s great.

Donald: Not when you’re playing with José, it’s not. They put words like “ephemeral” and I put “dog.”

Donald: Hey, what are you reading?

José: This is my magic book where any ink spilled shows a scripture of the future, however it bears a curse making it broken, and as such in order to make any scripture appears, I have to do it myself.

Donald: Impressive! I must have it for myself!

Panchito: So it’s just a Notebook?

José: It’s just a Notebook.

José: Everyone, calm down! We're grown-ups, let's deal with this like adults!

Panchito: So, we're just going to wing it and hope for the best?

Donald: Obviously. Now, Zé, pass the shovel.

Donald: Yesterday, I overheard Panchito saying “Are you sure this is a good idea?” and José replying “Trust me,” and I have never moved from one room to another so quickly in my life.

Donald: Just think about this! I’m your hottest friend.

Donald: No, that’s José… I’m your nicest friend.

Donald: No, Panchito... I’m your friend!

*Zé and Panchi proceeds to shower him with affection*

Panchito: If I die, my funeral will be the biggest party ever and you're all invited.

José: "If"

Donald: Great, the only party I'm ever invited to and they might not even die.

José: I dare you-

Donald: Panchi is not allowed to accept dares anymore.

José: Why not?

Panchito: "I have no regard for my own or others personal safety", as some would say.

José, to Donald: ...And I need you and Paco to help, and by "help" I mean "do everything."

Panchito: A party is a celebration of a life, bringing people together to let the guest of honor know how much they’re loved. Donal has done so much for us. This is our chance to do something for them.

José: By forcing him to have fun at a party that he don’t want to be at?

Panchito: I knew you’d understand.

José: Coca Cola can remove rust from metal, imagine what it’s doing to your body.

Donald: Pfff, getting rid of the rust, idiot.

José: THAT'S NOT HOW IT WORKS!

Panchito: Hmm... I've been drinking soda and my body's rust free... not sure where you're getting your facts from...

José texting group chat: What flavour of ice cream do you guys want? I’m at the store so be quick!

Panchito: Moose Tracks is good!

Donald: What the fuck is that!?

Panchito: *Gasp* How dare you insult moo-

Donald: No. No no not that. What the hell. Why do you spell flavor like flavour. It’s like you have flavor but then this guy shows up and is like “Oui Oui Would you like chocolate flaVOUR or vanilla flaVOUR.

José and Panchito: what?

Donald: I don’t get it why add the EXTRA u when it’s PERFECTLY FINE AS IT IS!?

José: You done now?

Donald: Yeah ok.

J and P: ...

Donald: ...Can I have the Mint Chocolate chip flavour?

[notoriousbeb]

I don’t know about you, but my dash is…less than fun right now. SO I decided to do some lyrical analysis, which always distracts me and cheers me up.

Specifically, I noticed Folklore and Evermore have some very strong themes…

Fantasizing About a Path Not Taken / Pining

“As if you were a mythical thing/Like a trophy or a champion ring/And there was one prize I’d cheat to win/The more that you say/The less I know/Wherever you stray, I follow/I’m begging for you to take my hand/Wreck my plans/That’s my man” - Willow

“What must it be like to grow up that beautiful/With you hair falling into place like dominoes/My mind turns your life into folklore” - Gold Rush

“Eyes like sinking ships on waters so inviting I almost jump in” - Gold Rush

“I see me padding across your wooden floors/With my Eagles t-shirt hanging from your door/at dinner parties I call you out on your contrarian shit/And the coastal town we wandered around had never seen a love as pure as it” - Gold Rush

“The old widow goes to the stone every day/But I don’t, I just sit here and wait/Grieving for the living” - Ivy

“Write this down/I’m staying at my parents’ house/And the road not taken looks real good now/And it always leads to you and my hometown” - ‘Tis the Damn Season

And a subset of the same theme: Dreaming about Someone She Thinks She Shouldn’t

“I can’t dare to dream about you anymore” - Gold Rush

“Head on the pillow, I could feel you sneaking in” - Willow

“I can’t stop you putting roots in my dreamland” - Ivy

Personally, I think all this longing and wondering coincided with one of Taylor and Joe’s “rough patches.”

Then, we get Midnights. These feelings haven’t disappeared, and now they’re being channeled into autobiographical reliving of sleepless nights.

Three of these, I believe, are about the same person: Harold.

Many people, myself included, believe Maroon strongly points to him, based on their shoeless karaoke session in a red-toned room in NYC, the hickey he put on her collarbone that a bunch of people saw, her iconic red lipstick, Harry’s god daughter being named Ruby (this one might just be me, but I stand by it), and the fact that a person left behind on an island is called a maroon.

But I haven’t seen anyone making what I call “the rosé connection” to The 1.

Maroon: “Your roommate’s cheap-ass screw-top rosé, that’s how”

The 1: “Rosé flowing with your chosen family”

You know who had roommates like chosen family? Harry.

Also, I have some observations about why Snow on the Beach could be about him, which I haven’t seen before:

“One night a few moons ago, I saw flecks of what could have been lights/But it might just have been you/Passing by unbeknownst to me” - He used to drive by her house in LA at night

“This scene feels like what I once saw on a screen/I searched ‘aurora borealis green’/I’ve never seen someone lit from within” - Reference to green eyes

All that to say, it appears to me that girl spent at least some of 2020 in a heavy state of confusion/longing (that she channeled into some really great fictional settings) and then went on to just lay it all out there in Midnights.

[twinsloveco]

I hear him play this gentle welcoming song that vibes love and kindness patience forgiveness warmth etc like ...

Come here and forgive me ill let you talk about all your big feelings and be good and faithful this time I promise I am so sorry..

But idk if its true if I'm crazy Adam gaslighted me so God damn much....

But you didn't lie when you told me what u and Adam did... he told me you were a lier...

So I yelled lier and pushed u away ...

You weren't mean this time you just softly said you will keep trying to find a way for me... you were gentle you held me.. we fucked.. I felt delusional and crazy

I asked Adam if I was.. I said am I being played rn? Am I just making shit up cuz that's what I wanna hear or happen or believe is that they care? ..he agreed it was probably that and the witch trying to tear me and him apart and spread seeds of lies and doubt

He only admitted later cuz I was going through his phone of Adam x lucifer pictures he was showing me and I seen something and I knew instantly and made him tell me and he said oh I was gonna yeah ONLY AFT4R YIU SAY THEY THREAT3NED YOU

Mfer smirking and being shitty to me as I purely tried to give him everything and love him thinking hopeful shitboncr again just to find dark shit now I want fucking no one yeah i said right? Oh nope here comes gabriel to fuck with my heart strings in Astral and give me the best time ever wtf man 😭

We both knew he'd you .. get in Adam to reach me..

That's the only time I didn't feel disgusted and sick asf like I can't even kiss the fucker I never could ..he's gross to me and he's fat yeah but that doesnt make him ugly and I know I'm attached cuz of everything but I know I don't want him he MAKES delta kid seraph confused needy want andnused our energies to lure me and weaken me.. ughhh

Now that i know it's yours I'd want out of him and would get so frustrated cus I wasn't getting it.. he's going crazy word salad mad.

Adam showed me a hurtful ss of What you said that set me off that final days ...

He told me not to tell u plz. So I didnt....

[How could I talk about it without outing him? Why tf protect that asshole ? I didn't wanna think of the pain of hurtful things behind my back ... it was too damn much]

And I still don't want to. I don't wanna see it

Maybe one day when I'm fucking okay...

Well guess what? He promised me he would let me gather myself so I could talk to you about shit FIRST in the best loving calm way possible ...and the fucker lied and went and did it while I was fucking asleep sick tired from the long drive and the pain of being torn once again from my person....

He was saying all this shit riling me up getting me freaked out and confused and feeling unsafe don't know who to trust

I see now that's what narcs do to control and distract you so u can't see wtf is going on.

It also keeps you in a dysfunctional state so you need them.. he made me sicker than I was and made me need him and then got mad at me for needing him and blew it out of reality acting like he's being slave driven when all we wanted was him to fucking respect my dad's wishes and clean up after himself ..we'd let shit go for WEEKS trying to be nice and he'd be a dick cold run over us etc dad told him not to lay his clothes ev3rywhere it's not that God damn hard and he continued and continued not giving a fuck cuz he knew we wouldn't kick him out...

He was like that before me and lied and blamed it all on Donald... others are sick of his bs too .. if u can walk out past your clothes and to the bedroom which u must past the washroom first you can grab ur sweaty pants and throw them in the wash wtf and he always word salad ran ignored went weird etc if you tried to ask him why and even try to find a root ground stand so we can help him help himself and us .. for him too. He wouldn't even do that. He said make a plan with me plan it so we did and he still wouldn't we had every damn right to be mad. I shouldn't have to hand hold a grown man and repeat myself a thousand times this is narc abuse and my friends have been helping me learn all their games and now he's throwing choas again because I'm onto him and he's losing control and hopefully you're seeing it too now ..cuz he said he showed it.

[ancientgoddessofegypt]

Depressive Episodes : Owning up to my emotions and allowing the waves of depression to push me through my toughest battles.

One thing about me, is that I never give up.

Im resilient, even when I don't believe it.

I've never allowed myself to fail, even when at times I knew I was falling. Its just... not in me to let go. I just gotta breathe, man. I can't see myself allowing the world to dig me into my own grave.

But that doesn't mean I havent thought about it.

Sometimes when I can't see the future, I go crazy and can't stop myself from having a manic depressive episode.

Other times, I can see the future, or the idea of it, and still go into a manic episode. So of course.. it doesn't matter when, what or where, when that wave of depression hits.. it starts to get me down to one of those spiraling series waiting to be channeled into something else.

So far, I've learned to creative outlets for my depression. Being honest, and escaping into worlds of creativity like painting, drawing, poetry.. Im still learning how to paint my emotions and make it seem more meaningful. But hey, anything to cure the depressive thoughts. I can't live like this anymore.

But the thing is, depression comes through waves and tries to leave its mark on society due to a painful reality we seem to suppress within. We can't lie to ourselves anymore, things are getting worse, and it seems as if it has no plans on getting better.

Or so they say...

I have a feeling that depression in our society has a LOT to do with our needs not being met, but ALSO because theres something negging at us to be seen. And its love.

We live in a cold reality, where most people pretend to be in their ego but not in their hearts. The warmth we are needing is in community, but there hasnt been too many spaces for community to fondle in. Depression sticks due to some of the food we eat, the shows and news we digest, the constant negativity that is plastered in front of us day in and day out. You know.. this can tire out a lost soul, and distract you from the primary mission. So to say that depression can be easy to fix, isn't the most practical way of thinking, at least not on my end.

Its taken me 5 years to really get to the nitty & gritty of depression, anxiety, shame, guilt, fear.. etc... and I've come to the conclusion that this thing can be generational as well as something going on in the psyche and needs further analyzation in other to appreciate the whys and the why nots of depression so you can heal it clearer. In most cases, depression can find healing through the arts, but what if thats not your niche? What if theres something more you must succumb to and haven't figured it out?

One of the things I've learned is mathematics. Boy I hated math as a kid cause I 'sucked' and I kept failing, however as I've made it to adulthood, I realize I DO love math, just not the way it was taught. Over time, I've made time to study math and all its different layers, its like a universal code. It helped me remember some parts of my childhood that made it easier to appreciate it. I say this because it's been one thing that's lifted me up along side photography. On of the main things that lifted up my energies into higher vibrations and being able to relieve myself of any depressive wave that entered my energy. Anytime I do feel depression sometimes I sit with it, sometimes I go and find purpose.

Because depression is causing you to lack clarity, focus, drive and remembrance of your souls horizon. Your purpose. Your mission. What reason did you decide to come here, love?

So what I want you all to know is that when your feeling depressed, there is something in you that wants to be notified. Yes those emotions are deep and sometimes rather intense but the only way to get out of the mud is if you get to digging and remembering why you even started doing it in the first place. It's so you can get back to you.

So began to say good bye to your depression, your healing era awaits my love. Depression is only a wave of thunderstorms creating a destiny for you to see that rainbows are on the other side of that tired, daunting feeling.

[prompt-prose]

I hate that I do this to myself.

I can’t stop thinking it as I drive home.

I just finished another lovely but awkward family dinner at my parent’s house. Alone. Because he wouldn’t come with me. Because he’s had a long week and is tired, or he’s not feeling well, or he forgot he had these other plans, or whatever fucking excuse he used this time.

It’s never the anger. That isn’t the problem. He’s allowed to decide not to go to things. And I am allowed to be angry that he makes me go alone.

The problem, the thing that I hate, is what comes after the anger. I get mad at him, but then wonder if I’m too mad. Or get mad at myself for being mad, and then mad at myself again because I have to remind myself that I’m allowed to be mad.

And I know this isn’t healthy. Spiraling into emotions like this. Being mad and then getting mad about being mad and getting mad about being mad that I’m mad and getting mad that I’m mad about being mad that I’m mad…and it isn’t even those emotions alone! Cause while that spiral is happening, and none of those feelings are actually being dealt with because I just keep building on it, I’m also sad because we’re supposed to love each other and want to be there for each other and yea it was a nice dinner, but being around my family is hard on me and he knows that and he still left me to it alone, again, and I don’t feel like I get the same support in this relationship that I offer him. But I also feel guilty thinking that, because there’s a lot he does for me, just not this.

You see the problem?

I *argue* with myself, with my own emotions, because I try to logically sort out what is fair and valid and what isn’t, and then by the time I get home, I’m so tired from this, that I just give up. We don’t even have the fight I’ve been gearing up for. I argue with myself, I feed into my own emotions, I break my own heart, and then I don’t even have it in me to fight the fight I actually need to.

Maybe this isn’t a healthy relationship. Or maybe I’m just an unhealthy person, and that makes the dynamics of any relationship with me inherently worse.

I’m inside the apartment and sitting on the couch before I really realize it. I don’t fully remember parking and coming upstairs. Muscle memory, force of habit, whatever. I had been driving. Getting that distracted was dangerous. Another thing to be upset about.

“Babe? Oh, good, you’re home. You would not *believe* the match the guys and I just had, you have to hear this…” I take a breath before looking up, and I see him. I always feel like he should look different after I’ve spent the time spiraling into emotions like this, like the pain he caused me should be reflected on him in some way.

He didn’t cause this. He only wanted to stay home. He caused the first anger. I did the rest.

“Babe, you okay?” I blink and realize I’d been staring at him, but hadn’t complimented whatever video game ability he’d just been describing to me.

“Sorry, I zoned out a bit. It’s been a long day.” I bend back to my shoes, working my fingers under the laces.

“See? This is why I don’t like going with you to your family stuff. You always come back in a weird mood.”

“Fuck, Jason, maybe I’m in a weird mood because you don’t go with me?” I bite out before I realize what I’m saying, before I can think more of it.

“‘Jason’? You’re using my name? You only use my name when you’re mad at me.”

“Yeah, well, maybe I’m mad at you.” I look back up to him, still standing in the hallway, like he’s half-torn between coming over to me or going back to his computer. I look back down and start on my second shoe. “Or maybe I’m mad at myself. Or maybe I’m just mad. Or maybe I’m just tired. I don’t know.” I sigh, finally getting both shoes off. I don’t know why I like those shoes. They always hurt. I stay seated on the edge of the couch, and brace my hands on either side of my thighs. I look up at him.

He’s on his fucking phone.

He must realize I’ve stopped talking, because he looks back over at me.

“Shit, sorry, the guys are texting wondering where I am. Sorry. What were you saying?”

“Nothing. Don’t worry about it. Go back to your game.”

He runs over and gives me a kiss on my forehead. He asks if I want to watch something together once he’s done with his game. He disappears back down the hallway.

__________________________________________________

A month later, and it’s the same all over again.

Another lovely but awkward family dinner. “We’re sorry Jason couldn’t make it. We miss him. We hope he feels better. Tell him we say hi!” Because he wouldn’t come with me, again.

Spiraling into emotions. Being mad and then getting mad about being mad and getting mad about being mad that I’m mad and getting mad that I’m mad about being mad that I’m mad…none of those feelings are actually being dealt with. Being sad because we’re supposed to love each other and want to be there for each other and yea it was a nice dinner, but being around my family is hard on me and he knows that and he still left me to it alone, again, and I don’t feel like I get the same support in this relationship that I offer him. But I also feel guilty thinking that, because there’s a lot he does for me, just not this.

But he doesn’t. Do. This. He does a lot for me, but I don’t actually ask for a lot, and I actually ask for this!

And I’m arguing with myself again.

I’m inside the apartment and sitting on the couch before I really realize it. Driving distracted again. I’m pretty sure I remember checking the rear view mirror a few times. At least there’s that. But I’m mad at myself for it, again.

“Did I hear you come in? Oh, hey! You would not *believe* what happened in my show, there was this…” I take a breath before looking up, and I see him, in the hallway, leaning against the wall instead of just coming to sit next to me. He should look different, but he doesn’t. I should look different, but I won’t. I look to the mirror hanging up by the door and confirm.

“Babe, you okay?” I blink and realize I’d been staring at him, but hadn’t complimented whatever video game ability he’d just been describing to me.

“Sorry, I zoned out a bit. It’s been a long day.” I bend back to my shoes, working my fingers under the laces.

“See? This is why I don’t like going with you to your family stuff. You always come back in a weird mood.”

“Yeah, Jason. I’m in a weird mood because of my family. That’s all. What else could it be?” I bite out before I realize what I’m saying, before I can think more of it.

“‘Jason’? You’re using my name? You only use my name when you’re mad at me.”

“Yeah, well…” I look back up to him, still standing in the hallway, and he’s on his fucking phone.

He must realize I’ve stopped talking, because he looks back over at me.

“Shit, sorry, I had been Googling this actor from the show, trying to remember what else I saw him in. Sorry. What were you saying?”

“Nothing. Don’t worry about it. Go back to your game.”

He runs over and gives me a kiss on my forehead. He asks if I want to watch something together when he finishes this episode. He disappears back down the hallway.

___________________________________________________

Two months later.

“Does he not like us? It seems like he never comes with you. We won’t bite, we swear, we just want to get to know him. Try to get him to come to dinner, just the two of us and the two of you.”

Because he wouldn’t come with me, again.

Spiraling into emotions. Being mad and then getting mad about being mad and getting mad about being mad that I’m mad and getting mad that I’m mad about being mad that I’m mad……….

I don’t ask for a lot, and I actually ask for this! And he just won’t come!

I’m inside the apartment and sitting on the couch before I really realize it, again. Driving distracted, again. Mad at myself for it, again.

At least I’m fairly certain I could make the drive between my parent’s house and our apartment blindfolded.

“Are you okay? You weren’t gone for long. Did you even eat?” I hear him coming down the hallway. I stay focused on my shoes, tearing at the laces.

“It’s just been a long day.” I sigh as I remove the shoes. Why do I like these shoes?

“I’m sorry I couldn’t go with you. Is there something I can do for you now?” I lay back into the couch.

Part of me wants to say “You could have gone with me”, but I’m tired. I’m so tired, I don’t even have it in me to fight.

“No, I just need to rest a bit.”

“If you’re sure.” He turns and goes back down the hallway.

____________________________________________________

“Are the two of you having problems? You can talk to us, if you are.”

Two more months, and another awkward family dinner. He wouldn’t come with me, again. I don’t remember his excuses anymore.

Spiraling into emotions. Being mad and then getting mad about being mad and getting mad about being mad that I’m mad and getting mad that I’m mad about being mad that I’m mad……….

I’m inside the apartment and sitting on the couch. I didn’t cause any major accidents, and today I’m calling that a win.

He doesn’t come down the hallway this time. I get my shoes on - God, I hate these shoes - and I head down the hallway to our bedroom.

He’s on his computer, playing whatever new game with his friends. I sit on the bed for a minute before he notices me.

“Hey, I’m gonna hop off mic real quick.” He takes off his headset. “Hey, babe! How was dinner?”

“It was fine.”

“You ok? You seem kinda off.”

“Just been a long day.”

“Do you need to take a break from seeing your family? It seems like lately every time to you see them, you come home upset.”

“Do you love me?”

“What?” He pauses his computer and turns to me. I look him in his eyes, and feel my anger start to crack and fall apart. It’s just a dinner. So what if he doesn’t go with me? Yeah, I want him to go and hurts that he’d rather stay home without me, but it’s really not that big of a deal, right?

“Nothing, never mind…”

He starts to turn back in his chair.

And I feel it.

The spiraling.

“No.”

He turns back to me completely, his eyebrows raised in a question, waiting for me.

“Do you even love me?”

“Do you wanna explain to me where this is coming from?”

So I do. I explain all the spiraling. The loneliness, the anger, the hurt. The anger. The guilt and the second guessing and the excusing. The anger. The exhaustion. The fights I’ve had without him. The anger.

“All of that. All of it. Because you just. Won’t. Come. To. Dinner. With. Me. And you know something’s wrong about it, you always make the shorty comment about ‘This is why I don’t like going with you to your family stuff. You always come back in a weird mood.’ but you don’t fucking put two and two together and realize that I come back in a weird mood alone because you won’t go with me. So. Do you even love me anymore?”

He sits there and stares at me.

Stares.

That asshole.

Finally, he starts.

“Love is complicated…”

“It shouldn’t be. Not for us.”

“Why not for us?” He’s still staring. “Are you and I not human? Are we not allowed complex emotion and idiocy? What makes us special?”

“Because we are us.” Fuck, how do I get him to understand this.

“And we are in love. And love is complicated. You have to acknowledge that you aren’t just you anymore, now there’s this whole other person you’re tied up in and invested in and the lines between you start to blur and sometimes it’s fucking terrifying because you still want to be an individual and maintain your own identity, but it’s also love and some stupid romantic part of you wants to swept away in it, so maybe you dig your heels in and fight for your own identity in some stupid pig headed tiny way that you don’t think matters because maybe the person you’re in love with doesn’t communicate that the way you’ve decided to maintain independence just so happens to be something that’s very important to them and now it’s, fuck, months? years? Into the issue and you’re just learning about it and you feel like an ass for not realizing sooner it’s a problem when you thought everything was fine.” He stands to pace around the room. “Love is complicated, because I love you but I also need some space and time to myself sometimes, and communicating that to you is scary because I don’t want you think that it means something is wrong with our relationship or with you when everything is great, I just need a little me-time.” He pushes his fingers through his hair. “Love is complicated because even though you’re in this complex tangle of emotions and life with another human being and there are places where you aren’t just you anymore and the two of you kinda blend together, you can’t actually read each other’s thoughts and apparently both have been having issues you needed to communicate about that you thought you didn’t need to communicate or couldn’t for whatever reason.” He comes and plops on the bed next to me. “Love is complicated because humans are complicated and that’s that.” He reaches for my hand. “But it’s still love.”

We end up talking for hours. For the dinners, we end up determining that he’ll start coming with me, at least most of them, since now he knows they’re important to me. For the space, we come up with a code word to use that means “I love you, but I need some individual time right now, I’ll talk to you more later” as shorthand so we don’t have to make a big deal out of it if one of us needs space.

Love is complicated, but it can work if the people involved are willing to put the work in

Character A: Do you even love me anymore?

Character B: Love is complicated.

Character A: It shouldn't be. Not for us.

[unoficialy-married-to-ace-austin]

Daddy Orton spoiling his darling, please this Yandere series wants to kill me apparently 😆

Spoiled Rotten Sweet

Summary: The only thing Randy loves more then spoiling you is you.

Warning: this is Yandere, but it’s a bit softer then some of my other stuff. Randy is also given the honorific of ‘daddy’ in the fic.

Taglist: @fiskers7136 @peachmango-kombucha @kcloveswrestling @bellalutionn @xkennyxomegax @tummyyellin @cuzimacomedian @auburnwrites

“Baby!” You heard Randy’s voice call from the living room. You quickly got up from bed to hurry down the hall. You found the man lounging on the couch, a glass of whiskey in his hand. You bounced over to sit on his lap, your legs on either side of him and his arm wrapped around to hold you steady.

“Hi daddy.” You greeted, letting you hands rest on his chest.

“How was your nap baby?” He took a sip of his whiskey.

“Good daddy.”

“Well, something got here while you were resting.” He gestures to the box sitting on the couch next to him. You look between him and the box a bit, making him chuckle. “Go ahead.” 

You reached over and grabbed it, seeing it had been opened already. When you opened the flaps you were met with a pile of deep green clothe. You reached in to feel the velvet and pulled it up, realizing it was a dress.

“You like it baby?” You nodded, still looking at it. You felt a small pinch on your leg, making you Yelp a bit while looking up at Randy. “I ask you something.”

“I love it daddy.” You whispered, feeling him cup your face in his hand.

“Good, I knew it would look amazing on you tonight.” You frowned at his words a bit confused.

“What do you mean?”

“Well, you’ve been so good these past few months. Doing your chores, not breaking rules, and it’s been a year since… the incident. So, I’m going to take you out for dinner.”

You felt your face light up at his words. It felt to good to be true. “Really daddy?” You practically whispered, worried that he would suddenly say he was lying.

“Really.” He assured you, kissing your lips lightly. “Now go get ready for our night out. I want you to look like my pretty little eye candy.” He sent you off to your room with a light pat on your ass.

—————

An hour later you were wearing the long sleeve dress Randy had gotten you, along with some black heels. Your hair was done along with light makeup, just how Randy always liked it.

“Look at you,” you turned to see Randy leaning against the door to the bathroom. He himself was wearing a black suit, adored with a deep green tie. “Looking like a snake. Half tempted to just keep you here for myself.” You must have looked panicked because he chuckled at you and held out his hand.

The two of you walked to the side door, and you watched as he unlocked it. Once it opened he led you into the garage and helped you into the car. Once he got in he turned to you while locking the doors.

“I will only tell you this once. If you even think about trying anything, I will drag you back home and you will never see the outside of this house again.” His eye were staring right at you, and you you knew he fully meant what he was saying. “Understood?”

You nodded, and that seemed to be enough for him. He pressed a button to open the garage, and turned the car on to drive away.

——————

Randy ended up taking you to a fancy restaurant, and although you were distracted by seeing other people, you had a surprisingly good time. After Randy paid for dinner you expected him to simply take you home, but instead he stopped in front of a tattoo parlor.

“Where are we?”

“I have one more surprise for you.” He said before getting out and getting you out. When you walked in the place was empty except for one tattoo artist.

“Hey Josh.”

“What’s up man? This must be the lady?” The guy greeted, looking over at you.

“This is her, you got the area ready?”

“Lead the way.” He gestured to a seat already set up for someone.

“Sit down Babygirl.” Randy told you, making you give him while eyes.

“W-what?”

“Calm down.” He whispered, hugging you to his body. “I just want a marking showing who’s you are.” His fingers lightly danced over your color bone. “But, I did ask for something extra.” He showed you a photo. It was a design you were going to get a while ago, before Randy, but you obviously hadn’t. “You get mine, and I’ll let you get that. Deal?”

“…Deal” you agreed after a moment of silence.

—————

A week later you looked at the words that were written across you color bone. ‘Daddy’s Princess.’ The skin was no longer red, and you didn’t know how to feel.

“I love that tattoo so much.” Randy’s deep voice whispered as he walked up behind you. “Now you will always belong to me.” At his words you finally let a tear slid down your face. “Aww, don’t cry. Now I can spoil you rotten for the rest of our life’s.” 

[monster-fricker]

Chapter 11: The Luggage Chronicles

Male Orc (He/Him pronouns) x Female Human Reader (She/Her pronouns) - NSFW

- Porn without plot as an apology for being busy. Decided to "switch" things up. 😇 -

The book tour officially began tomorrow. There was a small signing an hour outside the city, followed by a three hour drive to your next destination. Time was limited, save for the evenings. Rasdane made sure to remind Oluan of the schedule, although the orc did not need it. He was too anxious to think about much else. You were also anxious- on his behalf, of course, but also due to the sheer enormity of it all. You were in love with him. You were about to go on a lengthy trip with him. And in the midst of the chaos, you were going to meet his family.

That last part was nothing short of horrifying. You considered the etiquette of calling in sick to the visit, much like you would at work. It wasn't a great idea and even worse when you remembered you were unemployed. Maybe calling out was not the best plan. It did not help that the two of you were going to be spending the night there. What was the etiquette of requesting to sleep in the car? It was definitely rude by human standards, but you weren't familiar with orc customs. Maybe they would welcome the idea. You made a mental note of asking Oluan later.

Since the infamous dinner, Rasdane called him everyday. She never explicitly said so, but it was clearly out of concern, a maternal protection for the orc. When you gave her your number, she began calling you too, always asking how you and Oluan were holding up. Despite her worries, Oluan wasn't upset. To the contrary, he was happy, giddy. Saying "I love you" to one another had seemed to take a weight off of his shoulders, gave him more confidence. He admitted that he wanted to tell you for awhile, that he knew he loved you from the second date. You were giddy too.

Both of you had finished packing, though Oluan would repeatedly check his luggage, convinced he must have forgotten something. It was a good thing his hair was loose or else he would be occupied fixing his ponytail from the amount of times he ran his fingers through it nervously. Even in his frenzy, he was gorgeous- dark hair curling along his shoulders, only dawning boxers, his thick green thighs jiggling slightly with every movement. After the fifth instance of him rummaging through his bags, you decided it was time for a much needed distraction.

"Oluan," you cooed, "Come here." You patted the space beside you on the bed and he gave you a sheepish smile before conceding. The furniture creaked beneath his large frame.

"Sorry, I don't know what to do with myself. I hate the anticipation," he confessed, resting his head on your shoulder. "There's a lot to consider. The meet and greets, the traveling..." His voice lowered. "Seeing my family."

You hummed in agreement. "Yeah, there is a lot to consider, but I think I have an idea of what you can do with yourself." Oluan looked up at you quizzically and you winked in return. It took a moment to register, but once it did, he inhaled sharply. You loved how easy it was to turn him on.

You said nothing more, pulling at his waist to signal that you wanted him to straddle you. The orc scrambled to oblige and, as he positioned himself, he leaned down to kiss you. The kiss was chaste at first, experimental. No matter how long you had been together like this, he was still shy, awaiting orders, awaiting you to take charge.

And you did, opening your mouth for him, slipping your tongue in his hungrily. Oluan did the same, snaking his tongue with yours, long tusks pressing hard against your cheeks as the kiss became more passionate, more demanding. When you bit his lower lip, he whined and humped at nothing, then quickly slid his hands beneath your shirt, groping at your breasts, rougher than usual. He pinched your nipples feverishly and you gasped.

"Mm, someone's feeling a little assertive tonight," you murmured against his lips.

Oluan pulled away, ears turning a brilliant shade of dark green. "I- I want to be dominant this time. I'm usually not, but I- fuck-" He grabbed his bulge through his boxers and squeezed. "Fuck. Is that okay?"

Electricity shot up your thighs. Your clit pulsed. You had never seen him dominant and the prospect was driving you crazy. "Take me," you whispered.

That was all the permission he needed and he growled, leaving you to remove his boxers. His massive cock bobbed out and he took it into his hand, stroking it slowly as his eyes swept over you with severity.

"Take off your shirt and panties," Oluan barked. You obeyed, wriggling out of both and suddenly feeling very exposed. "Now spread your legs for me." Despite the order, he forced your thighs apart himself, unceremoniously shoving one thick finger inside of you while swirling his thumb around your clit. A moan immediately escaped your throat.

"You're practically dripping," he smirked, adding another finger and fucking you with them, your juices splashing out and coating the digits. You were bucking into him now, breathing heavy as he added another, down to the knuckle, circling your clit aggressively. "You like that?"

"Fuck. Yes, y-yes. Feels so good." The words tumbled into the air, your brain entirely clouded by your growing climax.

"You going to cum from me finger fucking you, hm?" he chuckled darkly.

You did not respond with anything understandable, moaning and whining wildly, overwhelmed by the feeling of him filling you up, hitting your g-spot over and over again. When he added a fourth thick finger, you came hard, squirting on his hand, body jerking from the stimulation.

Oluan popped his fingers out of you, sucking on them, then shoving them in your mouth, making you do the same. Your teeth scraped along his knuckles and he growled. Suddenly he was sitting on your stomach, holding his weight up with care, as to not hurt you. You felt small, vulnerable beneath his enormity. Your core surged with heat.

He fondled your breasts, growling once again. "These are fucking delicious, you know that?" You shuddered at the words. "Do you know how often I have dreamed about fucking them? Since the day we first met. I went home and jerked off to the thought."

Oluan glided his massive cock between them, heavy and slick with pre-cum, squeezing your tits together to create a perfect, warm hole for him to thrust into, and he did, snarling and cursing under his breath with each plunge. He was beginning to unravel.

"I want you to cum to this." He rutted further, the head of his cock pressing against your lips momentarily. You opened your mouth and sucked at it with every thrust, making him groan. You moved your hand beneath his thigh and began to finger yourself earnestly, throwing your head back deeper into the pillow, eyes snapping shut. "No," he growled, "I want you to watch. I want you to see what you do to me."

You listened, gaze on him as he fucked you vigorously, your tits sore and bouncing, your core reaching climax in spasms. You cried out, shaking all over.

This sent him over the edge and after a few more fluctuating thrusts, Oluan shot hot ropes of cum on your face. You licked at it, still riding out the waves of pleasure.

Once he was finished, Oluan climbed off of your body, hitting the bed with a thud. He eventually grabbed you tissues to wipe off the mess and you wrapped yourself in his arms immediately, planting demure kisses on his chest and neck and cheeks.

"Was that...," he heaved, "too much?"

"It was fucking perfect," you cooed, exhaustion creeping through your bones.

"I'm not usually like that. But, fuck." You both chuckled.

"I love you, Oluan." Your voice was a whisper now and you were starting to fall asleep.

"I love you too. More than I could ever say."

Suddenly, he removed himself from the bed with a start, making you turn your head in surprise.

"Shit. I wonder if I packed an extra charger," the orc mumbled, returning to his luggage.

"Jesus. You're such a fucking nerd."

Previous Chapter

[skinnyducky]

the meeting // v.h.

This was probably a bit difficult to write because I didn’t know what approach I wanted to go with. But, I found the best approach that fit my style and I hope you enjoy! Also, I’m going to hold off on pt. 4 of Party at Y/n’s. I don’t really like what I’ve written so far with it and I’m going to rewrite the whole part. But, that means you’ll get more stuff like this so...yippee!

Word Count: 1435, slightly edited

WARNING: fluff, language (i think), sexual jokes, and more fluff

---------

Vinnie rubbed his sweating hands together as he thought about whether or not coming with you to your hometown was a good decision. Sure, he’d be sad for a weekend without you…but that wasn’t worse than having to meet your parents. This was a huge step in your relationship, and something that could make or break it. And that fact that you weren’t even slightly scared made him even more afraid.

“I can’t do this. Maybe you should turn around and drive me back to the airport.” Vinnie sighed, fiddling with his rings.

You laughed, keeping your eyes trained on the road. “Vinnie, there is nothing to be nervous about. My parents are going to love you.”

“You say that now, but what if they don’t?”

“Vinnie, they’re going to love you. I haven’t stopped mentioning you since we started dating. Hell, the minute I told my dad about you and your cars, he cried tears of joy. I’ve never seen him that happy before, and I’m his child.” You explained as you pulled into your driveway. “Look, babe, you have absolutely nothing to be worried about. As long as you’re yourself, they’ll love you.”

Vinnie took your words into consideration, and they filled him with a little comfort. Although, they weren’t enough to completely rid him of his anxiety. But still, he was a lot better now than he was a few minutes ago.

“So, are you ready?” you asked, placing your hand on Vinnie’s shoulder. He looked at you with a worried glance and answered, “As ready as I’ll ever be.”

The two of you exit the car and walked up to your doorstep. You knocked on the door and within a few seconds it opened up to reveal your smiling mother. “Y/n!” she cried, pulling you into a tight embrace. She pulled back and looked at Vinnie who awkwardly stood behind you.

“And you must be Vinnie!” she grinned. “The pictures Y/n sent me don’t do you justice! You’re really cute!”

“Mom!” You groaned. She muttered a sorry before turning back to Vinnie.

Vinnie let out a timid chuckle and stuck his hand out for your mom to shake. “Nice to meet you, Mrs. Y/l/n.”

Your mom grabbed his hand, but instead of shaking it, she pulled him into a hug. “Enough of that formal crap. Please, call me Y/m/n.” The two broke out of the hug and she ushered the both of you inside, the smell of her famous pasta filling your noses.

“Y/d/n, they’re here!” your mom called, shutting the door.

You heard heavy footsteps come from the living room, no doubt belonging to your dad. The very man rushed towards you and Vinnie with an eager grin on his face. “Y/n!”

“Dad!” you exclaimed, rushing into his arms. He spun you around and put you down, moving his attention to your boyfriend. He cleared his throat, putting on his best intimidating dad act as he stomped over to the boy.

“And I’m guessing you’re Vinnie.”

Vinnie gulped, looking your dad in the eye. “That w-would be me, sir.”

It was silent as the men stared at each other. Then out of the blue, your dad laughed. “I’m sorry, man. I can’t do the whole ‘dad’ act like I used to. Call me Y/d/n.” He shook Vinnie’s hand, much to your boyfriend’s surprise. “Nice to finally meet you, Vinnie.”

“You too, Y/d/n.”

“Y/n told us a lot about you. She mentioned you liked cars.” Your dad pointed out. “I’m a car man myself. Gotta Mustang and a 1953 Hudson Hornet.”

Vinnie nearly lost his shit at your father’s small collection. You could practically feel the excitement radiating off of him. “Really?”

“Not that he drives them though. Don’t let the coolness fool you, Vin. He drives a soccer van.” I teased, making my dad blush.

“I drive the van to work and work only.”

I scoffed, “Sure you do.”

Your mom clapped, gathering your attention. “Well, dinner is done. So, we can go ahead and start eating and catch up.”

“But, honey, I wanted to show Vinnie my cars.” Your dad whined.

“You can show him after, sweetie.”

“But-“

“Y/d/n.”

“Sorry.” Your dad sighed and followed your mom into the kitchen. You and Vinnie exchanged looks and broke out into laughter.

“Like I said, very excited to meet you.” You said, leading him into the dining room.

You and Vinnie sat across from your parents who had brought out the large bowl of pasta. The four of you started eating, catching up on life and what not. Well, at least you and your mom did. Vinnie and your dad were too busy talking about their shared love of vehicles to even be interested in the conversation. Dinner ended, much to the pleasure of your dad. Him and Vinnie headed into the garage where your dad would offer him a beer and show off his collection. You and your mom retreated to the kitchen to wash dishes.

“So, what do you think?” you asked, wiping down a plate.

“I like him. He’s a really good guy.” Your mom responded. “He’s much better than any of the other jackasses you’ve dated.”

“He was so nervous coming here. He thought you and dad wouldn’t like him.”

Your mom scoffed, placing a fork in the drying rack. “Why wouldn’t we like him? It’s obvious that he completes you and that you two are perfect for each other. Plus, I don’t think I’ve ever seen your dad so happy before, and I’m his wife.”

“Hah, I said the exact same thing.”

“It’s true. I wouldn’t be surprised if your dad divorced me for him.” Your mom joked. “Our only concern is that you’re happy, Y/n. And its evident that Vinnie makes you more than that, so as long as he keeps doing what he’s doing…he’s good in our book.”

“Thanks, mom.”

“You’re welcome, sweetheart. Now, let’s finish up these dishes. Real Housewives of Atlanta comes on in a few.”

Around the time you two finished the dishes, your boys came strolling back into the house. You and your mom peeked out from the kitchen, watching in secret as your dad and Vinnie talked to each other.

“…and y’know, I’ve never seen Y/n as happy as she is with you. I can tell that you really care for her,” your dad said, “and as long as you keep doing that, I have no problem with you.”

“Thank you, sir.”

Your dad chuckled, “Now the ‘sir’ is something I definitely have a problem with. I’m not that old, son.”

A smile found it’s way onto your face as you and your mom walked out. “Well, I wouldn’t really consider you to be young.” Your mom quipped, before turning to Vinnie. “He can’t even get it up as much as he used to.”

“Mom!” you shrieked. “What did I tell you!?”

“No sex jokes. Sorry, honey.”

“Especially one’s that aren’t true.” Your dad added. “I’m like a tank; I’m strong.”

You stared daggers at your dad as you stepped beside Vinnie. “Dad!”

“We’re sorry, we’re sorry.” He apologized, finding his way over to your mom. “So, you two headed back to your hotel?” asked your mom.

You and Vinnie nodded, earning a groan from your dad. “Awe, I wish you could stay the night. Although, I don’t think Y/n’s twin size bed would fit the both of you.”

“You’ll see us tomorrow,” you replied. “Remember? We’re going golfing, right?”

“Oh yeah, I forgot!” Your dad said, placing his hands on his hips. “I guess we’ll see you then.”

You and your parents bid your goodbyes—and your dad may or not have cried a bit. He really wanted to spend more quality time with Vinnie. Thankfully your mom was there to console him and keep him distracted long enough for you two to leave.

Once you got into the car, you glanced over at Vinnie to see him smiling. “What’s got you so giddy?” You asked.

“Your dad likes me.”

“I know, me and my mom were spying on you two when you walked in.” You said, starting the car. “My mom likes you too. So, in the end…you had nothing to worry about.”

“I guess not.”

As you pulled out of your parents driveway, you said, “My dad’s right you know.”

“About what? Him being able to still get it up?” Vinnie asked.

You rolled your eyes and giggled, “No, you idiot. About the fact that you do make me happy.”

You watched as Vinnie broke out into a smile. “I do?”

“You very much do.”

[harry-writings]

Bothered

- A blurb in which somebody flirts with Y/n for the first time, and Harry lets jealousy get the best of him

This is a little Drive Me Wild extra for all your valentine’s day needs!!! I hope you enjoy :) 

Masterlist

-

“Tequila, please. The best one you’ve got!”

Open bars at work parties are an absolute lifesaver.

Harry and Y/n have been nonstop on their feet since three, wearing their sunday best, talking to all the higher ups and other officials at the firm with as much professionalism as possible. And though it was certainly a nice break from the work setting, it was still a lot for the both of them to keep up with.

It’s nearly eleven now, the party near its end and the exhaustion finally settling in. But Y/n wouldn’t ever dream of passing up unlimited free drinks whenever offered (neither would Harry, but getting her home safe is his biggest priority). Besides, she needed to take the edge off, somehow.

The bartender smiles at her, his eyes looking at her up and down very briefly before making her drink.

She’s humming softly to herself, her fingers tapping against the bar, the palm of her other hand resting on the back of her neck and she looks around the venue, admiring the architecture and the chandeliers that hang from above her.

“How long have you been working for them?” The bartender asks as he slides the shotglass to her, to which Y/n smiles.

“Almost three years! It’s been really good to me so far. I must say, though, it gets a bit stressful and there are a handful of times we end up having to take our work home. But I’ve met some of the best people through the company, so I can’t complain much! Especially when this is the only job I’ve ever considered staying at for so long.”

When the bartender doesn’t answer, yet rather just stares at her with amusement and endearment in his eye, Y/n starts to get nervous.

She considers diverting her attention back to Harry and moving on with her night as if she hadn’t spoken a word at all, but she’s never been the kind of person to walk away from an uncomfortable silence. And most certainly, she has never found it in her will to escape somebody’s pressing and persistent stares.

All of it just makes her so anxious.

So, as an attempt to calm her nerves, Y/n throws her head back as she takes her shot of tequila, her nose scrunching and eyes squinting as it burns down her throat and settles in her chest.

“What about you? How long have you been working as a bartender? I’ve heard it’s a lot of work, remembering all the recipes and stuff. Whenever I went to university, I would go to bars and get drunk by myself and watch how fast all the bartenders made drinks. I found it mesmerising, really. Like an art, almost. A sport, too, I suppose, given how much you all have to think and act quickly yet unmistakably.”

Harry smiles softly to himself, a bittersweet feeling bubbling in his chest as he listens to her get caught up in her rambles.

She doesn’t do that much with him anymore, not in the way she used to. And it isn’t because she’s lost any trust in him, or because she loves him any less — rather, it’s because she trusts and loves him so much more that she doesn’t feel the need to fill any gaps or spaces between them anymore.

He doesn’t make her nervous.

She doesn’t need reassurance with him because she already knows how madly in love they are with one another and how they are undeniably bound to spend the rest of their lives together. The silences they share are comfortable for her, his simple presence enough to make her feel at ease and loved and respected without him having to constantly remind her.

And surely, Y/n still chews his ear off here and there, but he only ever wants more of her.

It’s a disease, his greed and longing for her. She is so enough yet so not enough at the same time, it kills him to think about it, but only in the best way possible.

But the smile and the admiration die down nearly instantly when Harry’s eyes catch the way the bartender looks at Y/n, and the way he straightens himself before her, and the way his bottom lip tucks between his teeth ever so slightly.

Harry crosses his arms at this, watching the way another man is drooling and fonding over his Y/n and not at all trying to hide it. And the sad part is that he can’t even blame him for it — how could he? He had done the very same thing for nearly two years straight.

So he suffers with it in silence.

“My goodness, I do love me a woman who can carry a conversation.”

Harry’s eyes squint over at him, his arms still crossed over his chest, his fingers twisting as he watches him blink flirtatiously at Y/n and the upward twitch of his lip whenever she flips her hair over her shoulder.

She only ever does that when she’s sweating, he knows this because she’s his girlfriend and he knows her more than he’s ever known himself. He also knows that Y/n thinks too lowly of herself to ever consider one’s kindness as flirting.

And though Harry wouldn’t dare to dream of changing anything about her, he does wish, just this once, that she’d see it.

Y/n blushes at his comment, but only because she doesn’t know what to say.

“Can I have another shot, please?” She asks as a form of distraction, but in such a sweet manner the bartender barely seems to notice. “I never get to go out to drink much nowadays, with work and all. So, I’m sorry if I order too much. Large groups of people aren’t really my thing. Not that I hate people, or anything. I guess they just make me nervous.”

And as the bartender pours her shot glass full of tequila, his eyes don’t make the slightest move to leave her. He’s gawking, looking smug as if he could ever stand a chance.

Y/n pretends not to notice.

“Look, I close down the bar in an hour. And since large groups of people aren’t really your thing, why don’t I take you somewhere nice —”

“Oh...”

“— just you and me, so I can have the chance to get to know you more? Maybe in more ways than one, if I’m lucky?”

Oh, fuck no.

Flirting is one thing, but listening as some stranger talks about wanting to have sex with his girlfriend is something entirely different. Especially when she hasn’t done anything other than be nice and considerate towards him.

He’s taking advantage of her kindness.

Harry can’t hold himself back anymore.

“Excuse me?”

And curse his fucking natural lack of emotion because it was supposed to sound threatening and protective, but rather, it must have come off the way any other customer were to grab a bartender’s attention because he looks over at him with a tight and strained smile, clearly laced with annoyance, with not a hint of suspicion.

“Yes, sir, what can I help you with?”

Harry clenches his jaw and nods his head, his gaze falling to the top of the bar as he tries — really, really tries — to keep himself together instead of knocking this poor bloke’s teeth in.

The urge is there, but he could never scare Y/n like that, or sacrifice his job for satisfaction’s sake — he was lucky he didn’t jeopardize it when he landed a solid right hook on his coworker a few months back. But to make such a rude, blunt, disrespectful comment to his girlfriend is too much for him to process.

But it’s not all anger. There’s something else there — something else brewing and swelling inside of him that’s never been there before. He can’t identify it no matter how hard he tries.

“It would help me tremendously, actually, if you were to stop asking to sleep with my girlfriend right in front of me.”

It’s silent for a moment, the air thick with tension as the bartender looks both between Harry and Y/n, Y/n and Harry. He looks weary of it, as if it were so impossible for her to ever be seen with somebody like him.

“You’re with him?” He asks Y/n, as if Harry’s word wasn’t enough and it nearly throws him off the deep end.

Y/n’s eyes blink with confusion and shock as she tries to adjust herself to her surroundings. Everything happened so quickly to her, she feels like she can’t keep up.

Harry senses this — he senses her uncertainty and uneasiness and takes notice in the way her fingers begin to grip at her shot glass a bit tighter. Confrontation and arguments are not Y/n’s strong suit and in the hands of either one, she is defenseless.

“Is my word not enough for you?”

The bartender lifts his hands up in defense, his eyebrows raised as if somehow proving a point he’s clearly been missing. “Can’t blame me for assuming she’s single, you’re sitting next to the prettiest girl on earth and you look like you couldn’t even be bothered.”

Harry’s hands turn to fists, his jaw clenching and eyebrows twitching as he hears him speak all the words he’d rather die than hear spoken again.

How a complete stranger can cut a wound so deep within him is unfathomable, but here he is, bleeding out with all his insecurities and flaws and weaknesses along with it. And it pains him. It hurts and if one more wrong word is spoken, he’ll fall victim to all the darkest parts of himself.

He can’t risk that, not around Y/n.

“I would highly suggest you stop talking now —”

“You aren’t even interested in her! I gave her more attention in the last ten minutes than you’ve given her all night!”

“Hey.” Y/n cuts in with pouted lips, her face fallen as her voice quivers at the argument brewing in front of her. “That’s not true. He — he’s been beside me all night. I thought it was — I thought it was obvious.”

“Doesn’t matter anymore. We’re going home.”

Harry’s tone is unlike anything she’s ever heard. It’s stern, harsh, laced with impatience as he stands from his barstool and scrambles to gather her belongings.

And Y/n’s at a loss, just standing against the bar helplessly, looking at Harry with tearful eyes and shaking lips. He has never been this angry at her before and she doesn’t know how to fix it. Talking was what got them into this mess, she’s sure talking won’t get themselves out of it.

But it doesn’t hurt to try.

“Wait, H. I’m sorry, I —”

“That’s enough, now. We’re making our last rounds and then we’re going straight home.”

That was the first time he’s ever interrupted her.

-

It isn’t until Harry starts the car that Y/n breaks the silence.

“H, I didn’t know he was going to ask me out on a date.” She speaks with a voice small and shoulders slumped as she tries desperately to fix all the trust she has broken. “I was just trying to be nice and —”

“Not now, Y/n, please.”

She realizes the severity of the situation when he doesn’t call her a pet name.

Her eyes fill with tears, fully aware that even when he was most upset with her, he never interrupted her while talking or avoided her gaze like it was the last thing he ever wanted to see. He’s doing both right now and to say that it hurt her is an understatement.

He’s sick of hearing me speak. He’s angry at me for talking too much to everybody and not noticing the consequences. He’s tired of listening to me make excuses for myself when I’m never going to change. He doesn’t want this anymore.

Her mind can’t help but to think such things, and though deep down in her heart she knows he’d never feel that way towards her, words of her past can’t help but torment her in the heat of this moment. Because this is so different than how it usually is with him, and it all started with her.

Harry can feel how much of a toll his words took on her, but he doesn’t know what to say. He is feeling so many things, and processing so much, he feels like he’s lost himself. All sense of everything else had left him the second the bartender spoke the words he always feared to hear.

You’re sitting next to the prettiest girl on earth and you look like you couldn’t even be bothered.

He knows it isn’t true, and he also knows she knows it isn’t true, but it doesn’t make it hurt any less.

To know other people see it that way devastates him. He doesn’t date Y/n to look uninterested in her, or bored of her, or tired to be with her — he dates Y/n because he wants to show her off, desires to make her and everybody else see how in love with her he is, to make it known she never has to walk this world alone.

To know he has failed to do that simply by being himself is a lot for him to take in.

He sighs, ripping off his glasses so his other hand can rub at his burning eyes before settling the both of them back on the steering wheel, his gaze still set on the windshield.

“I’m sorry for not letting you finish talking, twice now. It wasn’t right and I know what that does to you. And I’m not angry or upset with you, either. I’m just — I’m just not in the mood right now, alright? I need some time to think.”

Y/n nods, fearing that whatever words she chooses to speak will only make it worse.

Neither of them talk the rest of the way home, but that doesn’t mean Harry doesn’t reach his hand over to her thigh to squeeze at it three times, as if to tell her he loves her.

-

It isn’t until they make it into their bedroom that Harry starts to let it all out.

He’s pacing, his hands fidgeting with his clothes and running through his hair, his eyes wild but still refusing to look at her, muttering curses under his breath but nothing directly towards her just yet.

Y/n’s standing by the dresser, taking off her remaining jewelry and allowing him his time to dwell on his feelings. He needs this. She knows she’s the only person that he’ll ever show this kind of emotion to — he couldn't even show it to himself — so she listens, smiles sympathetically at him here and there, refusing to leave his side until this is all figured out.

He huffs before letting out a sickened laugh.

“Who the hell does he think he is? Telling me I’m not interested in you. I can’t be walking around kissing and hovering and touching all over you at a work party, I respect you too much. But he wouldn’t know a damn thing about that, would he?”

He throws his suit jacket down on the bed, only allowing himself one beat of a moment to shake his head before his hands start to fidget again, pacing around the foot of the bed to try and understand his primary emotion.

He feels a million and ten different emotions scrambling within him at once, he can’t make sense of them. Whether he’s angry, or sad, or hurt, or insecure, or humiliated… he doesn’t know. It all feels the same yet all feels so different. He is utterly lost in all of them.

“Then proceeds to have the nerve to say he’s given you more attention than I have. What the fuck does that even mean? All he does is serve you two drinks and speak one sentence. I give you all my time, all my company, all my attention, and somehow he thinks he’s better for you than me?”

And it hits her.

No wonder he’s been acting so different towards her and so quiet despite him not blaming her for what happened — he’s jealous, which is the exact reason he doesn’t have an understanding with it.

She’s his first girlfriend, and until now, there had never been any reason for him to feel this way.

But as sick and twisted as it sounds, Y/n’s heart warms at the thought of it. Because never once has someone ever had a problem with letting her go. Her loss never affected anybody around her, and so nobody had ever feared it.

To know that out of all people, it’s him who does, means everything to her.

She hums at him, an all too knowing smile on her face as she makes her way to her frantic lover, who stills when he notices her closeness.

Her hands rest at his chest, rubbing at it over his dress shirt, just the way he likes. It reminds him of the night of their first date — when she gave into her cravings and put her hands nearly everywhere they could touch — and so she always goes back to that very first moment.

It never fails him.

“It’s okay, lovebug.” Y/n smiles softly at him, her voice even more soft and tender than usual as she tries to get him to relax.

Her hands slither down the hem of his trousers, her fingers resting just above the swell of his bum and pulling him in closer to her. And he wraps his arms around her shoulders, a heavy sigh leaving his lips before bringing his chest toward her cheek for it to nest in.

“Don’t let somebody get the best of you. Especially when they don’t know anything about you or me or our relationship. We know what we are and what we have, it doesn’t matter what he thinks is better for me. I have what’s best. Forever.”

He sighs, the weight of the night lifting from him slightly, but not enough.

He rests his chin on the top of her head, his eyes on the verge of being soaked with tears. Because though he knows her words to be true, he just can’t seem to shake what’s rattling in his bones and picking at his skin.

He wants it all to be okay, and it almost is, just not fully. And it’s killing him from the inside out.

“It’s a new feeling for me.” Harry confesses sadly, trying to think of the right words to say to explain what’s burning in his chest. “It hurts me to feel it. I’m so comfortable and confident in you and yet somehow I can’t — I can’t stop thinking about you and that fucking bartender and him touching you and making you laugh and —”

“You’re jealous.”

She pulls away from him slightly, her eyes looking up at him softly and sympathetically. He gives into her gaze for only a beat longer before looking away from her again, unable to take it.

It all makes sense — the unfamiliar feelings, the scrambling of emotions, the sensitivity to the words that had been spoken about him. His relationship had been threatened for the first time since it started, how could he not be?

“Of course I’m jealous. Which is absolutely horrible because you look so pretty yet it hurts too much to look at you.”

She chuckles, a playful smirk on her face as she reaches her hands up to his cheeks. And she turns his head to the side, forcing his eyes to look into hers as she rubs her thumb along his cheekbones.

Even like this, he is the most perfect man she’s ever seen. She has loved this person longer than she has loved anything else, how he could ever feel jealous of anybody is absolutely beyond her. He is all she will ever need, and everything she will ever want.

He is the only person that has ever deserved her.

“Baby, you have nothing to be jealous of. I don’t think, since the moment I’ve laid eyes on you, I’ve ever bothered to look for anybody else.” His breath faults, then, his heart dropping as if it were falling in love all over again.

And just like that, the hurt is gone.

“I’m yours, H. I have always been yours.”

He wants her to keep going, so instead of answering, he taps the back of her thigh twice. He’s never done so outside of sex, but he needs her all over him, holding him, hanging onto him. He needs it now more than ever.

She giggles, understanding exactly what he wants before jumping up until her legs are wrapped around his waist and her arms are looped around his neck. He catches her instantly, snuggling his face into the crook of her neck and kissing at the exposed skin.

She loves how much her words have an affect on him.

“I love you so much. I always will. No matter how many sleazy men ask me to sleep with them.”

He whines, lifting his head from her shoulder before looking at her with sad eyes and pouted lips at the subtle reminder that somebody else thought of her that way. Only he has, only he can, it doesn’t matter the circumstance.

She’s his.

She smiles down at him with a small blush on her cheeks, her arms unwrapping from his neck so her hands can grip his face again.

“I sleep with you. Every night. In more ways than one.” She kisses at his lips. “Cause I’m lucky.”

And for the first time tonight, he smiles. And as if that wasn’t enough for her, he laughs too — quietly, breathlessly — his hands rubbing all along her lower back and her thighs.

“Hmm... I am lucky, aren’t I?” Harry hums in bliss, his eyes looking at her fondly as she hangs on his neck in their home and it doesn’t get better than this. She had a man practically drooling on her lap and yet she’s here, with him, loving him, choosing him, just like she always has. “I do have the prettiest girl in the world. And the sweetest. And the strongest.”

“Too bad you couldn’t be bothered.” She teases, a smirk on her lips before her tongue pokes out to run quickly against his closed lips.

He lets out an almost sinister laugh, rumbling so deep in his chest she somehow manages to feel it in her legs.

“Why don’t I show you how bothered I am?”

[cacoetheswriting]

a saturday ritual

Pairing: Spencer Reid x fem!Reader Warnings: mild swearing, a single parent home, mentions of death (death of a parent & a significant other), mentions of alcohol consumption, and a lil pining, but mainly just FLUFF Word Count: 5.6k Request: anonymous: “I love your Spencer Reid fics! I was wondering if you could write something with Spencer and a single mom reader?? Thanks”

A/N: a very brief summary: spencer is infatuated by his new neighbour, a single mom to a five year old boy who likes to wreak havoc in their shared corridor. also, this one turned out to be a lot A LOT longer than i initially thought it would be but honestly i had so much fun writing this fic, it really could have gone on foreverrrrr ENJOY and as always let me know what you think ! 

-

For about a week after you moved into the apartment across from his, Spencer wondered what would be an acceptable excuse to go introduce himself.

Having been away on a case those first couple of days, he missed the initial opportunity. Later, his colleagues told him that was enough of a justification. Much later. Too late. Now the moment has passed, and he wondered whether pretending he needed salt or sugar was a good enough pretext. Lame.

He's caught glimpses of you out in the shared hall returning from the grocery store, or by the post box downstairs collecting your mail. Glimpses. Passing fleeting seconds. Never enough time to say hello, however enough to notice you were really beautiful.

Also enough to notice the little boy constantly tugging at your clothes. From what he could see, the resemblance was uncanny. The boy was your son no doubt. And given that Spencer hasn’t seen another adult around, he came to a conclusion you were a single mom.

It was now Saturday morning. Saturday. A day he usually spent grading papers and preparing class materials for the week ahead. And this weekend began no differently.

With a cup of coffee, he sat at his desk and began working away when an odd droning sound caught his attention. Buzzing. Yet it wasn’t mechanical, no. The peculiar hum echoing outside seemed more manmade. Childlike.

Yes, the brunette doctor deducted, the buzzing sounds he was currently hearing were most definitely airplane noises made by a kid.

At first, he decided to pay no attention to what was going on outside his door. He felt bad enough for not going to introduce himself, so he wasn't about to become the mean man from across the hall who gave out about playing children.

After taking a sip of his coffee, he proceeded to bury his head in the papers scattered across his desk. The sound wasn’t too loud meaning it wasn't a big distraction. He could continue to get his work done despite the clatter.

It was then he heard your voice for the first time. The melodic tone drew him in even more than the buzzing echo. 

Dropping his pen, he instantly got to his feet and ambled towards the front door - now was his chance. 

His hand hovered over the knob, but before he got a chance to do anything, he heard a slam. The noises stopped. Silence once again filled the hall outside.

The hazel-eyed doctor felt slightly foolish. He didn't really know what he wanted to accomplish by springing up so fast. Even if he managed to catch you, what was he going to say? I heard your voice, and wanted to see you. Stupid. You would think he's absolutely clinically insane. I heard you out here, and wanted to finally introduce myself. Better. Although still a little weird.

With a sigh, he sunk back in his seat and continued with his usual Saturday routine. Hoping he would get another chance.

Sunday he heard the buzzing again. Only this time he was walking up the stairs, returning from a late afternoon stroll. 

Once he reached his floor he came face to face with the source of the airplane noises currently echoing throughout the building.

Spencer thought the young boy couldn't be more than five. He was wearing a jumper that was clearly too big on him. Probably one of yours, Spencer thought. Arms spread out by his side, the oversized garment covering his hands in full, the kid ran circles up and down the corridor. A wide grin on his face. The hoodie dragging on the floor collecting dustballs.

Mixed with the noises was the sound of your laughter, coming from inside your apartment. The honey-like harmony was like music to Spencer's ears. A small smile crept up on his features; what the hell was going on with him? How could he possibly feel an attraction to someone he’s never met, held a conversation with.

The boy stopped abruptly when he noticed Spencer. His arms fell, and he ran into your apartment. Vanished as if he’d seen a ghost. Although, he must have been waiting, looking out for when the coast was clear again, because as soon as Spencer closed his own door the buzzing resumed.

It continued on for hours.

Having spent time with JJ’s boys, Spencer was no stranger to the amount of energy little kids possessed. Often when playing he would be the one to grow tired first. He would be the one that needed a break while they continued to wreak havoc. Therefore the noises didn't bother him. He went about his evening, subconsciously listening out for your voice.

The next few days were quiet.

Not like he spent a lot of time at home anyway. Between his classes and his unpredictable work hours with the FBI, he only went back to his apartment to sleep. And that was usually really late at night.

Thursday evening, after a surprisingly short day, he was fumbling through his bag in search for his key when the sudden urge to go and finally say hello came over him. He knocked on your door and instantly heard shuffling inside. There was no turning back now.

Soon you were standing in front of him. Subtly, he looked you up and down. His grip on the strap of his bag tightening. Wow, you were even more beautiful than the glimpses he caught. 

That came off rather stalker-ish, he took a mental note.

“Hello. Can I help you?” You asked while leaning against the frame, one hand holding the door so not let the brunette stranger see inside.

“Hi, I’m Spencer. I live across the hall.” He introduced himself, examining your face for any sort of reaction. Completely blank. “Can I help you?” You repeated. The brunette doctor was slightly taken aback by your cold shoulder. He pursed his lips into a thin smile. “No. I just wanted to introduce myself and say that if you needed anything-” “Thanks.” You cut him off and closed the door in his face.

Spencer took a step back. That definitely didn’t go as he thought it would. He rationalised your behaviour as a response to his tardiness with regards to greeting you and your son in the building. Although he still couldn’t believe you were so, for lack of a better word, bitchy.

Glancing one last time at your door, he unlocked his own and stepped inside. At least now he could say he tried introducing himself. He tried being the friendly neighbour.

Saturday arrived once again in the blink of an eye. This particular morning, the hazel-eyed doctor had an abundance of papers to grade. He made himself comfortable and got to work.

Unlike last week, when the airplane noises didn't bother him, today he found them to be quite irritating. He would reread the same sentences at least twice before he even began to understand them. Not ideal.

Frustrated, he ran his fingers through his already messy curls and let out a deep sigh. He really needed to concentrate, but he also didn't want to be a dick about it. Possibly making the already tense situation even worse.

Quickly, and rather impulsively, he gathered his things. He put on his shoes, threw his bag over his shoulder, and walked out into the hall.

This time the little boy was sitting on the floor in the middle of the corridor. In his hands he gripped two toy planes, flying them around in the air. The boy looked up at Spencer and smiled, but continued to play. Spencer smiled back while locking his door, and proceeded to make his way down the stairs.

Yes. He felt good about his decision to work somewhere else for the day.

That evening, as he was about to reheat some leftovers, there was a knock on the door. It was faint. So faint in fact he wasn't sure if he heard it at first. For a split second he hesitated, his attention now focused solely on the door. Another knock. Louder this time. He hurried over and opened it to greet the mysterious guest.

You.

Dressed in an oversized band t-shirt, one Spencer didn't recognise, and a pair of biker shorts - all covered in spatters of colourful paint. Your hair was up in a bun with loose strands escaping by your face. Spencer also noticed a yellow paint smudge on your left cheek, and white speckles on your forehead. Despite the dishevelled attire, you looked considerably more relaxed than the day he went to introduce himself.

“I guess I should start off by apologising.” You began in that melodic tone he first heard last week. “When you came by, I was really rude. I'm not usually like that, I swear. It’s just I have a lot on my plate right now. Benny’s grandparents, from his dad’s side, are giving me grief for moving so far away from them. Even though it’s only an extra twenty minute drive. But you know, they are Benny’s grandparents and I love them. They’re family. Anyway, minutes before you knocked I was on the phone with them, again about the same thing, and the conversation put me in a foul mood. Which really isn’t an excuse for the way I acted towards you so, yeah, inexcusable. I’m sorry.”

The hazel-eyed doctor couldn't help but lightly smirk. He’s never met anyone that rambled nearly as much as him. He’s learned more about you in the last ten seconds than he did the whole time you lived across from him.

“Okay. Okay, you’re smiling. That’s a good sign, right?” You brought your hands to your face, gently pressing your fingertips to the corners of your mouth as if to cover the embarrassment you were no doubtly feeling right now. “Because I did actually come here to invite you over for pizza. A truly lame attempt to try show you that I am in fact a good person and not that bitch you met.”

“I love pizza.” Spencer simply stated causing a sigh of relief to escape your lips.

“Great. That’s great.” A warm expression graced your facial features. “Oh, I’m Y/N by the way.” You were about to reach out your hand when you noticed the colourful paint covering your fingers. “Mom life.” You joked, cheeks flushing a soft pink, and let your arms fell back down to your side.

You patiently waited for Spencer to grab his keys and phone before making your way across the hall.

Your apartment was slightly larger than his, two bedrooms, and the decor also couldn’t have been more different to his own. Colourful, vibrant, homey. Those would be the words he’d use to describe what he was witnessing.

In the middle of the living space stood a dark green couch. Draped over it were numerous blankets, hiding underneath them were mismatched throw pillows. On the coffee table lay a stack of books, surrounded by children’s toys. The wall behind the television was decorated from corner to corner with various sized frames. Inside those frames were different movie posters, photos, random prints, and what he speculated was some of Benny’s artwork.

He was in awe as to how fast you managed to make this place feel like your own.

“Make yourself comfortable. I’m gonna quickly wash my hands to try get this pesky paint off, and then we can order food.” With that you disappeared leaving Spencer alone to examine the rest of your place.

His attention was caught by a not so white bedsheet, opposite end of the living space. It was covered in paint. On top of the sheet, stood an old pickle jar that was filled with water. It held numerous brushes. Next to it was a plastic box with tubes of acrylic paint with every colour a person could possibly dream of.

Spencer took a couple of steps towards the bedsheet. He didn't want to seem nosey, he just wanted to get a better look at the currently drying canvases. A distinct pitter of small feet caused him to stand up straight, frozen, as if he was caught doing something illegal.

“A-are, are you the pizza guy?” Benny asked curiously, tilting his little head to one side.

“No uhm, I’m Spencer. I live across the hall.” He explained. “Your mom invited me.” That felt like an important thing to add.

Benny sized him up. His eyes narrowed, lips pursed into a serious pout, nose scrunched. He crossed his little arms as if he was daring Spencer. It was rather silly, this five year old trying to intimidate a grown man, and yet the brunette doctor began to feel nervous. He didn't understand why. He was usually really good with kids.

“Benny, bunny, quit trying to scare our guest.” You returned, grabbing your sons attention and breaking the odd charade. Benny’s gaze traveled to you. “Go do a little clean up of your toys please. I saw those planes your pops bought you in the bathtub. That’s not their place, is it?” Benny shook his head and ran off with a loud chuckle.

You glanced at Spencer and shot him a kind smile.

“Sorry about that. He gets the whole intimidation thing after his dad.” “That’s okay.” Spencer replied. You could tell he was being nice, just like he could tell Benny’s dad was a touchy subject. Spencer wasn’t about to make it worse. It wasn’t his place. And you didn't know him well enough yet to spill the secrets of your past relationship. Therefore, the two of you stood completely still for an awkward second just looking at one another.

“Would you like anything to drink?” You asked, breaking the silence. “We have orange juice, water, or mom juice.” “Mom juice?” Spencer raised an intrigued brow. “Wine.” You explained giggling. Spencer nodded his head with a smile. “I’ll have some mom juice then.” “Good choice.”

As he sat down on the couch, you receded into the kitchen, returning shortly with two plastic cups in hand. “I forgot to ask which you’d prefer, red or white, so I brought a glass of each. Whatever you won’t have, I’ll drink.” You reached out your hands. Spencer took the cup with red wine, his fingers brushing gently against yours in the process. Spark. No, he thought. He was imagining things.

Unknown to the brunette doctor, you felt it too. The blood rushed to your face for a split second as you nervously cleared your throat before taking a sip of your wine.

“You have to forgive the plastic cups. One of Benny’s latest favourite activities is pretending to be an airplane and breaking everything in sight, so I locked all my nicer glassware away.” You explained while elegantly plopping down next to Spencer. “Plastic cups are nice. It’s like a picnic.” God, how dumb. He mentally smacked himself. Idiot.

However, your light giggle indicated you didn’t seem to mind. Your eyes widened a little, and he could have sworn they were glistening. “Well thank you Spencer. You’re the first person to say something nice rather than commenting on my parenting style.”

It was the first time you said his name out loud. And in that melodic tone of yours, it echoed inside his brain like a song. Leaving a permanent mark.

“My mom thinks I need to discipline him more, but no-one ever said it would be this hard alone.” You babbled on, completely oblivious to the silent commotion currently going on inside Spencer’s mind. “Benny’s dad was the bad cop per se, I’m no good at it. My son can cause all the trouble in the world, and still all it would take is for him to look up at me with those bunny eyes and all is good again. Probably because he has his dad’s eyes...” You stopped yourself, and chewed down on your bottom lip.

“Sorry.” You fluttered your lashes at the man sitting next to you. “I’ve been told I talk too much.”

Spencer brought the cup to the brim of his mouth and chuckled. “Don’t be. I’ve been told the exact same thing.” He took a sip of his wine.

“I find that hard to believe. You’ve barely squeezed in four full sentences these last fifteen minutes, while I just go on and on and on.”

“Give it time. I guarantee you’ll be sick of me by the end of the night, and I will never get invited over for pizza again.”

Without thinking, you reached out and placed your hand on his forearm. The air hitched in Spencer’s throat as his eyes briefly traveled down to where you were gently grasping. “Consider this your weekly invite.” You said in a silvery tone and proceeded to give his arm a gentle squeeze.

Just like that, Spencer’s Saturday routine was richer by one more item. Perhaps the most important item on the list. Pizza at the apartment across from his.

Truthfully, it was his favourite time of the week. 

During those weekly visits, Spencer quickly learned a lot about you. Where you grew up, any likes and dislikes, hobbies, facts about your family. He learned that you used to teach art at a high school; a job you loved but ultimately decided to leave after you became a single parent. Now, you work at an art gallery only a few blocks from here.

Spencer evened out the scale by sharing his own stories and fables. You were quite surprised to hear about the numerous doctorates he possessed, the work he did, some of the shit he went through, and honestly just how smart he actually was.

Each time you met, you each discovered something new about one another. Something that made you seem even more interesting in the other persons eyes. 

Although, an unspoken agreement was in place, the topic of Benny’s dad was off limits. For now.

When Benny got comfortable having Spencer around, the weekly pizza routine evolved into other activities involving you and your son. Movie nights. Walks to the park. Playground visits. Home-cooked dinners at yours. Puzzle afternoons at his. Spencer taught Benny and you magic tricks, while you taught Spencer how to paint.

Soon enough you were exchanging keys and before either of you even realised, six months passed.

Spencer spent Saturday morning preparing class materials for the week ahead, as usual. Through the thin walls he could hear unmistakable airplane noises and patter of feet running up and down the corridor. He smiled to himself. The echo was a pleasant reminder it was only a few hours until he would see you for pizza.

See during these last few months, Spencer fell head over heels for you. He fell hard. The ever present smile on circling your already perfect features when he was around, your honey-like laughter, your lavender scent, the way you were with Benny, the way you always watched the hazel-eyed doctor with such great interest whenever he broke out into an obscure fact.

The more time he spent with you, the more his love grew.

Spencer knew that he could never act on it. If he was a selfish man perhaps, but he wasn’t. He would never put his own needs ahead of your friendship as it wasn’t just you and him in this scenario. He had to consider Benny. What if the relationship went south and he was just another man to break both of your hearts? No. He’d never act on his feelings. There was way too much at stake.

Though he still considered himself lucky. Having a place in your life, being your friend. That’s lucky.

“Right on time as always.” You beamed as Spencer stumbled inside, closing your apartment door behind him. He ambled towards the coach and sat in his now usual spot - the left corner, with you in the right.

“Where’s Benny?” He asked, looking around for the little monster. “Benny is tucked away in his bed. He kindly requested a slice of pizza to be brought to him once it arrives so it’s really just you and me tonight. Hope that’s still okay with you.” “I mean, yeah, I guess that’s fine.” Spencer teased, shrugging his shoulders.

You rolled your eyes at him, but didn't say anything else on the matter. Odd, the brunette doctor thought. You always had a witty comeback. It was one of the many things he loved about you.

“I’m sure you could tell me how many pizza nights we had exactly, so I took the liberty of ordering our food already.” You said with a small smile.

“Thirty-two pizza nights.” Spencer stated simply. You furrowed your brows. “That doesn't right.” “Taking into account every Saturday we spent together, plus pizza on your birthday, Memorial Day, and the other few evenings we didn't feel like cooking, it adds up to thirty-two.”

“Holy shit. Maybe we should start ordering salads.” Spencer chuckled at your response. “Pizza is a lot better.” He pointed out and you couldn't argue with that logic.

Food arrived shortly after. You briskly took two slices over to Benny on a plastic plate, checking up on him in the process. While you were gone Spencer chose a movie. One that you would both equally enjoy.

You sat down again, only this time you sat beside him in what is usually Benny’s spot. Shoulder to shoulder. Spencer froze completely. Thinking if he’d move even an inch, it would scare you off and you’d shift away. You reached for a blanket and draped it over the two of you before glancing up at the hazel-eyed doctor.

“Is this okay?” Contrary to the usual melodic tone of your voice, the question came out quite croaky. Nervous. He met your gaze, losing himself completely in the colour of your eyes, and slowly nodded his head.

He’s thought about kissing you before and always managed to fight the urge. Although, in all the time the two of you spent together he was never situated this close to you. Your face was a mere few inches away from his. Oh fuck. 

The moment lasted only about half a second, but to Spencer it felt like time stood still. Honestly, if you hadn’t turned away to start the movie, he probably would have lost the inner battle. He wouldn't have been able to hold himself back. He would have kissed you. Maybe he was a selfish man after all.

Swallowing the growing lump in his throat, Spencer also turned his attention to the tv. Without breaking your eyes from the screen ahead, you handed him a slice of pizza which he took gratefully. The two of you ate in silence. Enjoying the movie, but mainly each other’s presence.

The brunette man couldn't place the exact moment you cuddled yourself up to him. One minute he peeked to ask you a question about something that now seemed unimportant and you were just there, your head resting against his chest.

A smile circled his lips. He could definitely get used to this.

“I don’t know about you, but I’m completely lost.” You mumbled. “And that says a lot considering I’ve seen this movie before. I didn’t understand it then, I still don’t understand it now.”

“If you've seen this before, why did you let me choose it?” Spencer asked. You tilted to look up at him. “Because I thought you’d be able to explain it to me. You know, using that big genius brain of yours.”

Spencer chuckled. He lifted his hand and began to gently caress the top of your head. “What if I tell you my theory and it ruins the movie for you?” He asked, but you waved your hand dismissing his question. “What if you tell me and it improves the movie?”

“That’s a fair point I guess. Okay.” He continued to run his fingers through your hair as he began to explain. “The movie seems confusing because it’s actually reverse order storytelling. It kind of works its way from the end to the beginning through a series of flashbacks and flash-forwards. Therefore, as you’re watching, you get a view into Lenny’s diminishing state of mind.”

You raised a brow. “Are you sure you haven't seen ‘Memento’ before?”

He raised his hands palms up. “I swear this is my first time.” He pledged, corners of his mouth twisting into a smile. “Hmm...” “I’m just extremely observant. Plus you know I love puzzles, and this movie is like one giant puzzle.” He continued. 

“Let’s pretend I believe you Spencer.” You said squinting at him, before turning back to look at the tv. The brunette man smirked under his breath. His hand once again tangling itself in your hair.

The sound of a delicate tiptoe approaching the living room caused you to sit up and reach for the remote. Although to Spencer’s surprise you didn't move away from him. Instead, you leaned your body into his side so that if you wanted, you could place your head back on his shoulder.

“Mommy.” Benny muttered. With a little hoist from you, he scrambled into your lap. “Mommy.” “What’s up bunny? Mommy was just finishing a movie, and then I would have come check on you.”

Benny shook his head. He gripped onto the collar of your t-shirt with one hand, the other travelled to your face. He pushed himself into you, angling your head so that he could whisper something in your ear.

Spencer watched as the smile on your face widened at whatever it was Benny said. The young boy pulled away, and waited for your response. “I don’t know kiddo. Would you like me to ask him?” Benny nodded, also now grinning.

��Spencer?” You turned to address the brunette man. “What is your opinion on pillow forts?” He saw the sparkle in your eyes and he couldn't help but smile. “I love pillow forts.”

Within the hour, the living space was completely transformed into a squashy soft kingdom. Benny joyfully screamed that this was the best pillow fort ever as he crawled inside, teddybear in hand.

You nudged Spencer’s arm before staring up at him. “Thank you.” Your eyes locked as your hand slid into his with ease. Fingers instantly intertwining together like magnets. 

“We haven't done this since his dad passed. I’ve suggested it many many times, but he uhm, Benny never wanted to.” Pause. The expression on your face dulled. Mouth quivering as you spoke. “Ehm, his dad was a pilot hence my little guys obsession with planes. He died really suddenly nineteen months ago. Benny was so so small. And I don’t really know how much he remembers of his dad, I mean I tell him stories all the time and so do his grandparents, it’s just hard to tell sometimes if uhm... Pillow forts were like their thing, so after his dad I think they were too painful for Benny.”

Spencer gave your hand a gentle squeeze. You were both now standing toe to toe, facing each other fully.

“I guess Benny just needed to feel ready again. Happy even. So what I’m trying to say is, Spencer, thank you. Truly. Thank you for brining joy back into his life.” You hesitated, biting down on your bottom lip.

“Thank you for brining joy back into both of our lives.” 

It meant a lot to Spencer that you finally felt comfortable enough to share more details about Benny’s dad. He never wanted to replace the man, he wouldn't dream of it. All he really wanted since the day he met you was to make you a little bit happier, and to hear he was succeeding warmed his heart.

You immediately noticed how his face lit up ever so slightly. A miniature smile circled your lips. “I just hope we didn't obscure your life too much these last few months.”

Using his free hand, he placed the loose strands of your hair behind your ear. Gently caressing your cheek with his thumb in the process. “Are you kidding? There is nothing I would rather be doing. I love spending time with you guys.”

Your eyes sparked with admiration.

“I love our pizza nights, overanalysing different movies with you, listening to Benny’s rendition of ‘In Summer’ from ‘Frozen’. Heck, I love that I now know what ‘Frozen’ is.” You chuckled as he carried on. “I love painting with you, and how you tell me I’ve gotten a lot better at it even though we both know that’s not true. I love that you get a long with my friends. I love that I can take you and Benny over to JJ’s for playdates. Surprisingly, I love playdates. I love how you let me read to Benny when you’re cooking. I love that he loves when I read to him. And of course I love your cooking.”

Tears formed in your eyes, blurring your vision. Tears of happiness. Tears of joy. The man standing in front of you was saying all of the right things, and he didn't even know it. Or maybe he did. You couldn't really tell. The intense emotions circling through your mind right now made it hard to think.

Spencer continued. Now that he started, he couldn't stop. He wanted you to know all of these things. He wanted you to know how he felt. 

“I love when we go grocery shopping all together, and how you give out to me for my bad diet habits. I love how that always makes Benny laugh. I love how you framed a photo of the three of us and hung it up on your wall, don’t think I didn't notice. I love building lego sets with Benny. I love how the two of you call me when I’m away on a case to make sure I’m okay and tell me about your day. I love the sound of your voice. I love... I love Benny.”

He paused for a split second.

“And I especially love you.”

Tiny salty droplets trailed down your cheeks as you fluttered your lashes. “You love me?” You asked quietly. Spencer nodded his head. “I do. I’m in love with you Y/N.”

You didn't say anything. 

Spencer thought he was done for when you let go of his hand. He thought he ruined it. His nose twitched. His stomach dropped. He was about to apologise, say that if you didn't feel the same way it was definitely more than okay. He just wanted you in his life. But he didn't get a chance too.

Instead, your hand was now holding his face. Your lips attached themselves to his in one breath. He instantly noted how they were softer than he could have ever possibly imagined.

You tasted like coconut chapstick. Like bliss, delight. Instinctively, Spencer’s arm wrapped itself around your waist pulling you as close as humanely possible. He could feel your heart beating in rhythm with his. As your hand tangled itself in his curly hair, he wished this moment could last forever.

When you pulled away breathless, your cheeks were flushed pink. You briefly bit down on your bottom lip before once again meeting Spencer’s inviting gaze - his arm still holding you in a tight embrace. 

“Tell me again.” You whispered. Spencer’s lips circled into a warm smile. “I love you.” He declared. You slowly traced along his jawline with your fingertips. A bright bream circling your features. “I love you too Spencer.”

The second those words filled the air, he picked you up by the waist and spun you around. A carefree shriek slipped out from your mouth. He set you down and gently grabbing your face, he hauled you in for another kiss.

“You have no idea how long I have wanted to tell you all of those things.” He muttered against your lips. His stubble grazing your chin.“How long I’ve been wanting to kiss you.” You giggled.

“Maybe one day you can enlighten me, but I think now we better crawl into that fort as it is way too quiet in there. Suspiciously quiet.” 

Spencer laughed. “Yeah, that’s probably a good idea.” The two of you broke apart. Hand in hand, you joined Benny inside the pillow kingdom. 

The boy was tangled up in a fuzzy blanket, slowly drifting asleep. He cuddled himself up to you the second your back hit the ground. You kissed the top of his head before turning to Spencer.

“Do you want to finish the movie?” You asked quietly.

“It’s okay.” He effortlessly squeezed his arm behind your neck. This allowed you to snuggle in closer and rest against him. “We can just lay here.” “What a perfect plan.”

The smile on your face caused Spencer's heart to skip a beat. He placed a kiss to your temple feeling 100% content.

It was Saturday morning. Saturday. A day Spencer used to spend grading papers and preparing class materials for the week ahead. Now, thanks to the woman sleeping peacefully beside him, his Saturdays looked much different.

Gradually, you stirred next to him. Eyes fluttering open as a yawn escaped your mouth. “Mhmm, good morning.” “Good morning beautiful.”

“How much time do you think we have?” You asked while stretching. “I would say,” Spencer glanced at the imaginary watch on his wrist. “, about five minutes.” He looked down at you and began slowly leaning in. You couldn't help but let out a soft giggle. “Let’s make ‘em count.”

A clatter of fast approaching feet caused you to halt right as your lips were about to touch. Spencer groaned knocking his head back against the wooden headboard. 

“Your calculations were a little off Dr. Reid.” You teased sitting up as he ran his fingers through his ruffled hair. He looked at you once again with the kindest smile. You loved that smile. 

“My apologies Mrs. Reid.” He pecked your lips just as the door flew open, your kids bursting through.

-

masterlist

spencer reid taglist: @no-honey-no​, @calm-and-doctor​, @idroppedmygourd​​

[sageandfrog]

Office Affairs//JujutsuKaisen x Fem!reader Chapter 2

Fem!y/n x Nanami Kento| y/n x Bestfriend! Gojo Satoru

A chuckle leaves Kento's lips when he starts to bounce and flex his leg hitting my clit continuously. "Use me baby, you deserve it."

Words: 2,721

This is a 4 part series and will not be continued once finished. We also have a wattpad

Nanami's Pov

1:30 AM

It was dark out when I finally left the office. My head was pounding and my steps felt heavy. Today was probably the most stressful day of my career.

Documents were lost, there were nonstop complaints from big clients; I had a designer quit on me and then there was her...

She was stunning, kind and patient. I sit in my car replaying today's events over and over again in my head. I smile at the bag of bread she gave me this morning.

It was fresh, warm and soft. She always thought of me and treated me well. She saved me today, I forgot to eat breakfast this morning.

I feel like I've forgotten a lot today.

She even went out of her way to bring me a cup of coffee. And what do I do? Fucking burn the poor girl. She looked so fragile with red blotches coating her skin. The coffee leaving a wet shine on the irritated flesh.

That definitely had to hurt. I couldn't even apologize correctly because of my meeting. I got my ass chewed because we weren't making enough numbers. I pity the higher ups of this company.

Always demanding more, never looking out for those who carry the business. Being money hungry must be a miserable way to live. To be honest I wasn't that far off from being just as lifeless and greedy.

But then I met her.

I was grateful to have y/n by my side. She made the torturous meetings tolerable. Since knowing y/n I think I've changed for the better.

People tell me I'm more lenient and calm. I've never used to dream about the future and plan ahead. But after thinking about it, a family doesn't sound that bad.

I smile and remember a conversation I had with y/n not that long ago. We were on one of our lunch breaks together when we saw a family of five strolling down the street. She was giggling to herself watching the children climb over their father.

"What's so funny?" I asked.

"Oh nothing, I just remember what it was like being that small. Never having to worry about rent or work. The center of their world is right there. Holding their hand."

She surprised me with her little ramble. She looked cute when she was lost in thought. The sides of her mouth gently crinkled. Almost like she was holding in a secret for only her to know.

I watched the family with her. The father looked tired and beat down as the children climbed and pulled him. But he was smiling, as he walked hand in hand with his wife. Before I knew it, I found myself smiling.

Must be nice.

I find myself getting distracted by y/n often. Today I had no room for distractions. She made it so hard not to look at her today. I bite the bottom of my lip thinking about how beautiful she looked.

Her eyes pulled me in, she was captivating. Everyone couldn't keep their eyes off her. I don't blame them.

She dressed differently today. I wonder why?

Her curves hypnotized me as she walked past me this morning. I'm still amazed I was able not to stare, instead looking at my blank clipboard.

I felt the urge to hug her and squeeze tightly when I saw her smile at me with the bread in her hands.

I put my car in drive when I realized it's been a while since I started spacing out. She controlled most of my thoughts. The way she smells, the way her hair falls messily around her face, even how she always finds a way to trip on air.

The light turns red when the image of her beautiful frame filling Gojo's clothes leaves a bitter taste in my mouth. I feel bad about how I acted towards her. She didn't do anything wrong. I thought to myself, she'll never get to wear my clothes.

What do I expect?

They are practically a couple already... What do I have to offer? All I can do is love her from afar.

For the past two years my mind has been occupied with images of her. I remember the first time I set eyes on her. Gojo was entertaining the office with some nonsense as usual. I scanned the room with new faces. It was intern season, and they were such a nuisance.

They were always so rowdy and obnoxious. Only here to skip class I thought... and there she was. A vision in blue. She had the most amusing and booming laugh. Her eyes disappeared into her smile, her hair was wild and flowing.

Who is that?

I have to talk to her. I have to hear her sweet voice say my name.

That's it! I'll ask how she likes the mentor program and what her specialty is. Anything to see her beautiful face look at me.

I mustered all my confidence and strolled towards her. I can't believe I'm doing this. Here goes nothing.

That fantasy was shortly lived when I saw Gojo wrap his arm around her shoulder and walk away. Taking my vision away from me.

I stood there in defeat. It always felt like a competition with Gojo. what I lacked in social skills he thrived in. It's no wonder she trusts him so deeply. She must think I'm a stick in the mud compared to Gojo.

I'm practically home when I get a notification from the man himself. What does he want now?

I lean in my seat and read the message,

"Can you take her home? I'm too loaded to drive and I'm gonna get lucky."

There's a video under the message.

My heart starts to race as I see a familiar frame in the preview for the video. Nothing could have ever prepared me for what I was about to watch.

y/n was standing on a table. Her hair was curly and wild as she danced seductively. Her hips were grinding the air, as her hands groped her curves.

Her dress was riding up her plump thighs as men surrounded her. Her skin glistened underneath the LED lights. They were cheering and whistling at her. Her breasts were protruding out of her dress as they bounced with her movements. She looked free and in a daze. Before I could see a man reach out and grope her, Gojo turns the camera on him.

He looks drunk and out of it.

"I think the birthday girl had a little too much to drink!" He giggled and then the video ended.

I sit there still, processing what had just unraveled in a 10 second video. Birthday Girl? "Shit!" Today is y/n's birthday. I'm consumed by guilt and anger reflecting on how I acted towards her today. Gojo then sends me their location and I set my car back onto drive.

The idea of strangers touching, smelling, even looking at her made my blood boil. How can he be so irresponsible by letting her be flocked around in the state she's in. What is Gojo thinking!

Wait... Does this mean they are not together? It was at that moment everything clicked. I have a chance! I step on the gas and race to her.

2:00 AM

The place reeked of lowlives and alcoholics. I rush in and look for them. I brush past a crowd of filthy bodies when I see her. She is now sitting at the bar. Gojo is in a booth with some girl nearby.

y/n is talking to a guy, I have to get her out of here. I walk towards her when I hear her ranting to the man. The more I look the more it seems this guy needs more saving than she does.

"So I buy him his favorite *burp* in the world and he doesn't even look at me!

And don't get me started on how he got mad at me for no reason... I hate his sexy tight ass." her words were slurred. She almost fell out of her seat when I finally reached her.

Was she talking about me?

"Nanami-" she whined with her eyes closed. Yup she's definitely talking about me. Does she think I'm sexy?

Gojo smacks me hard on the back, "Hey you made it city man!" I could kill him. y/n turns and faces me. Her eyes are wide and her cheeks are flushed.

"Nanami!" she squeals as she lunges at me. Her arms are wrapped around my waist as her face is buried in my chest. Control yourself Kento...

"Hey dude thanks for taking her home for me *hiccup* I sent you her address. Just make sure she goes to sleep." I don't know whether to blush from how touchy she's being or kick the shit out of Gojo.

I held her up trying to keep her from falling,

"Come on y/n, I'm taking you home now."

"No! I'm gonna have fun tonight and forget today." She tries to walk away but falls. I have no choice but to pick her up over my shoulders. My hands held her thighs in place and I almost dropped her from the skin on skin contact.

Don't panic. I turn to Gojo when he's hand in hand with the girl from the booth. He looks sad almost. His face was now neutral and he was quiet.

"As long as she's happy..." I have no idea what he's on about but I don't have time to ask questions.

She fights me a little trying to get her outside and into my car. She kept hitting me on my back as I placed her in the front seat. Damn she's strong.

She kept mumbling "Fuck him I'm gonna have fun." under her breath. She really is a clumsy drinker. After a minute or two she managed to fall asleep for the rest of the car ride.

Man, she lives far. Does she ride the train from here everyday? I should arrange for a driver to pick her up everyday.

Her neighborhood is quiet and charming. She lives in a little apartment complex with a balcony and plants displayed everywhere. I park in front, admiring the cozy building. Here comes the challenge... Where are her keys?

I look in her bag when she wakes up with swollen eyes. Was she crying? She looked at me with soft eyes and in a daze. She looked so small in my passenger seat.

Still looking at me she smiled. Her hand reached for my face and caressed my cheek. She was so gentle as she rubbed circles with her thumb.

Holy shit she's touching me. I grab her small hand in mine and watch her with amusement. She's so cute.

I get out to carry her into her apartment. The place was neat and dim. She walked in and threw herself on the couch as I closed the door behind me. She lifted her feet and faced them towards me. Does she want me to do it?

She's pouting with a little drool on her face. I laugh as she grows inpatient. She's whining when I go and take off her shoes one at a time and place them neatly by the door. She tries to stand but stumbles, I catch her just in time when she looks up at me.

She has hooded eyes and her mouth is hanging open. The tip of her nose is red and her cheeks are stained with tear marks. She's definitely been crying... did I cause that?

It looks like she's about to say something when she looks me in the eyes. It felt like minutes had gone by when she came closer. Her breath reeked of booze, what is she doing? Her lips peck mine, they're soft and full. I feel dizzy from the sudden act of affection.

She's all I've ever wanted. Her lips rest softly into an innocent smile, I don't want to let her go. Her eyes widen as she looks up at me. Is she embarrassed?

"It's ok y/n, lets go to be-" she runs to her bathroom covering her mouth with both hands. I follow her to the small room when I see her vomiting in the toilet. Oh god what do I do?

Her hair starts to stick to her damp face. Poor thing. I go behind her and pull her hair towards me while rubbing her back. She's straining to the point where her face is breaking into little hives.

I'm going to kill Gojo.

Why would he let her keep drinking beyond her limit!

She leans back against the bathroom tub and slinks down to the floor. I look for a paper towel and wipe the sides of her mouth before flushing. I try to help her up onto the sink ledge to wash her face, but she falls into me and continues to hurl the rest of her dinner onto my shirt.

Shit.

I sit her up on the toilet to take off my now wet shirt and throw it in the tub. I gag from the pungent smell. Thank goodness there isn't any on the floor. The cold air in the bathroom makes my bare chest shiver.

I look around for make up wipes and clean her face.

I start off with her lips, they are plump and red. She's so warm. I trace patterns with the wipes on her cheeks, little moans and whines leave her mouth.

She can barely keep her eyes open yet she reaches for me.

Her warm fingertips trace my chest. I can't help but laugh awkwardly from the initial contact. She focuses on my pecs as she doodles random nothings on my skin. Is this weird? She looks happy doing so.

"Wow you're buff... ha nipple." She pokes my chest and I laugh at her loopiness.

I let her touch me freely as I wiped the mess off her face. I see tears start to form in her eyes. My heart is beating out of my chest.

"Nanami... are you mad at me?" Why on earth would I be mad at her?

"No, why do you think that?"

"You looked at me so coldly today. It was my birthday too." She sobs silently to herself. I'm the most shitiest person in the world, what the fuck. I don't know what to do. I'm despicable, I can't believe I made her cry on her birthday.

She starts to lean into me as she dozes off into deep sleep. I hold her in my arms, she must be so tired.

"Don't worry y/n... I'll make it up to you somehow."

I carry her bridal style to her bedroom. She latched on to me so tightly. With every step she nuzzled herself deeper in my neck.

Is this what it feels like? To be held, to be wanted. It's been so long I almost forgot. The buzzing feeling in my chest, the sensation of soft lips lingering on my neck. I feel happy.

I feel at home.

She wouldn't let go when I laid her down. I had to yank her off of me. I leave a trash can next to her bed and a water bottle on the nightstand. She's fast asleep in a full spread eagle, leaving no room for even a small pet to lay next to her.

I walk out quietly, leaving her door open and her bathroom light on in case she needs to use the bathroom in the middle of the night. By the time I am at her door frame she is snoring, a sound I never knew would be so comforting to hear.

I look at the time and it is 3:00 in the morning. I am too tired to take the drive and too concerned y/n might get up again. Besides, my shirt still has to be washed. I don't think she'll mind me spending the night.

I walk around her living room and see pictures of family and friends. There is a picture of her and her mother. They look identical; I can't help but wonder, would her mother like me? I see a collection of nicknacks surrounding her living space. Some are cute while others are odd and disturbing.

I realize there is still so much I don't know about her. I really have to fix things with her. My eyes start to feel heavy and my mind is blank. I'll fix things tomorrow, I find myself a spot on the couch. And rest my eyes, slowly falling into deep sleep.