#i also know shes gonna be in miami soon which is funny

[mimiatmidnight]

Have you gone or are you going to the eras tour?

Hi!! I did, way back at the beginning of the tour when she was in Tampa over a year ago. I was very fortunate to go and I had a really good time, and most of all I am just so so so so SO grateful I got to attend before this . . . current era. I had been leaning further and further away from her for various reasons for a while now, and the latest album drop finally made me completely recoil. I am not interested at all in what she is doing with her work and life (is there even any difference? different topic) these days, so at least for the time being I have peaced out. Probably forever honestly. It's strange, but good, also.

[brongusthearcanist]

So one of my first cousins from Brazil is coming to visit soon. But recently she told my mom that she was going to fly in through Miami FL and wanted us to pick her up from there. We live 20 minutes south of the Atlanta airport, which makes Miami a 10-12 hr drive. And if she was European I could forgive this, but she's from Brazil, the largest country in South America, she knows how far apart things can be. Now in the past whenever we flew into Brazil, we would have to land in either Sao Paulo, or Rio, which is like 6 hours from their home state, regardless of which one we chose. So she knows how far apart things can be. I get that she's not American. She's never been here, she speaks a good amount of English but has never actually been in the states. And she also wants us to drop her off at the Miami airport which is a no. Like not gonna drive 24 hours round trip just to take someone to an airport. (We are currently trying to see if she can book a different flight).

What's really funny to me though other than the fact she didn't understand distance, is that she told my mom she wanted to spend a week at Disney and stay in a Disney hotel. My mom didn't even respond. She just sent her a link to the Disney website with the prices. And my cousin was shocked. Brazil is not doing great right now. Everything is expensive and jobs are really hard to find. One of my cousins moved here even though he has a masters degree for being an electrician and still couldn't find a job down there. But despite the fact that everything is wicked expensive down there, They don't have to pay for health care, they don't have to drive cars. And groceries are a hell of a lot cheaper. I honestly think it's going to be a huge shock to find out that things aren't really that much better over here. Like sure the jobs generally pay a little bit more, but our health care is insane and the price of driving a car is even more so. They thought Disney was a thing that every American did all the time. Not a luxury that one might be able to afford once a decade. I'm really excited for her to come over, especially because she was probably the main cousin I talked to when I visited down there. And I'm also very excited to ruin her perception of America. I am going to do everything possible to make sure she realizes what a shit hole this place is. It just has nicer wallpaper.

[mirkwoodshewolf]

You’ll always be my brother mine; Queen x reader

*Author's note*

Okay get the tissues out my fellow readers because this one WILL make you cry. For this is the LAST chapter with John Deacon in the Rock Angel's life.  After this, Deacy will only be lovingly mentioned but will not have another physical appearance. I also want ALL of you to listen to the music choices down below as well as watch the music video above (cause it will REALLY pull your heartstrings and set the mood for this chapter). Up next we're gonna make quite a huge time leap cause next chapter were gonna get into some current events that has happened with Queen/Rock Angel. So be prepared for the next chapter(s).

MUSIC VIDEO HERE

Taglist:

@plethora-of-things

@waddles03

@psychosupernatural

@simonedk

@ixchel-9275

@jd-johndeacon-or-jackdaniels

@queensdivas

@queen-paladin

@queendeakyy

@wormzteef

@bohemiansweede

@labessieisallama

@naturalswifty89

@starswin

@isabella-bby

@5sos-wdw

@geek-and-proud

@onebigfangirlworld

@ssa-sadboi

_________________________________________________________

*Nov. 28th, 1997. Deacy's POV*

I had only agreed to come here to do this one last thing. My last music video that I would ever do with Queen, I had already completed my last live performance with Brian and Roger along with Elton back in Paris but without Freddie it just wasn't the same. Now we were making the music video for a song that Brian had written years ago just shortly after Freddie died.

I was sitting by myself along Roger's bar area (we had assembled at his place to do a mock rehearsal of the song before recording tomorrow) with my bass guitar resting on my lap when Roger came in and said.

"You doing okay?"

"Define okay." I told him.

"You're right. Dumb question. But—in all seriousness John, it really means a lot to us that you agreed to do this video."

"All I keep hearing is Freddie telling me 'darling if you don't get in front of that camera, I'll kick your arse from here to Glasgow'." The two of us chuckled softly.

"Well the team's already to go for tomorrow guys, we'll start filming at 9am sharp. We feel good about this?" Brian came up to us and asked.

"Actually, we can't do this video just yet." I told them.

"Why not?" asked Brian. "It's not much like any of our previous videos have been. We're in the perfect location and we're willing to perform this live instead of going through playback."

"It's not about missing something Brian, it's—someone."

"Look Deacy. We all miss him, but he'd still want—"

"I'm not talking about Freddie, Brian." I snapped before taking a deep breath and calming myself down.

"John I don't even know if she'd be interested in wanting to return to work. After the trail she's been—" Roger said softly before exhaling deeply. "But I can give Jack a call and see."

"No need. I booked a flight to Montreux, if I can convince her, we should be back tonight. Late." The two of them looked at each other and Brian said.

"Alright Deacy, we'll let you go get her. But don't get your hopes too high if she says no."

"Believe me, I know what she's going through. I almost didn't want to do this either. It feels wrong even continuing without Freddie, but—with this being the very last time I'll ever perform for Queen. I need at least one more performance with the Rock Angel. You guys need to give me this."

"We are. Bring our angel home." Roger said as he clasped his hand on my shoulder. I nodded before packing my bass up and headed off for the airport.

After a 2 hour flight, I arrived in Montreux airport and got a cab to take me to the Kline vacation home. It was another hour, hour and a half drive but finally the driver pulled up along the driveway. It was completely silence in the front yard, almost like a graveyard.

I got out of the car and walked up the gravel road, up onto the sidewalk and finally up the few stairs before finally standing before the door. Taking a deep breath I knocked on the door and waited for a couple of minutes. Soon enough a young girl opened the door, she had long (h/c) and familiar (e/c) that she inherited from her mother.

"Uncle Deacy?"

"Hello Kelly." I greeted with a warm smile. She smiled at me and hugged me.

God she had gotten so big since I last saw her. She was really starting to look more and more like her mother each and every day.

"My dear Kelly, look at you." she looked up at me and said.

"What are you doing here?"

"I was wondering if I could speak to your mum?"

"Yeah, of course. She's down in the basement with the boys." Kelly allowed me to enter inside and the first thing I see as I walk through the door was old Sammy, the Kline family's golden retriever. Already he was showing signs of aging around his nose and eyes. But when he saw me, he raised his head up and I saw his tail wag.

"Hello Sammy. Long time ehh boy?" he stood up and walked towards me and nuzzled against my hand. I stroked down his head when Kelly said.

"That's the first time I've seen him move so much since Bucky died." I turned to her in shock. "Brain tumor. We had to put him down last month and it was hard for all of us, Sammy especially." I looked down at Sammy and he looked up at me with those sad brown eyes of his as he let out a sad, soft whimper.

I scratched through his head as I walked over toward the basement stairs. I opened the door and walked down the U-shaped half-pace staircase. All the while I could hear some orchestra music playing and the sound of some creature bellowing before finally hearing someone say.

"How fast are they?"

"Well we clocked the T-Rex at 32 mph." As I came down to the bottom of the stairs, there at a desk surrounded by books and wearing prescription glasses was my sister dear while on the leather couch playing on the big TV was a movie that I wasn't quite too familiar with.

"T-T-Rex? You said you got a T-Rex?" Georgie quoted alone with the woman on screen while the old man nodded.

"Say again?" Jackson quoted along with the actor on screen.

"We have a T-Rex." The old man repeated. The actor on screen then started acting faint while the woman tried to get him steady and that's when the old man said.

"Dr. Grant, my dear Dr. Sattler."

"Welcome—to Jurassic Park." The twins quoted along with the old man on screen. Then soon enough dinosaurs were shown on the screen and I'll admit it was quite a sight to behold.

Never have I seen practical effects like that when it came to dinosaur films. Whatever film this is, I'll have to check it out for myself.

When I turned towards (y/n) I noticed that she turned her head away from her books and paper just to watch the television. I shook my head at her. Some things never change. I even saw her mouth out the next quote that was spoken on screen.

"Some things never change with you sister dear." She turned around to face me, as did the boys and they raced towards me exclaiming.

"Uncle John! Uncle John!" soon I was tackled down to the ground by these big boys. I smiled down at them as the two of them talked over each other trying to speak to me.

"Well, well, well. Look what the cat threw up. And I see you finally cut that raggedy mullet of yours." My sister teased.

"Haha, very funny." I mocked up at her.

"What brings you around here?" she asked me.

"A brother figure can't see his surrogate sister anymore?" I asked as I stood back up with the twins still clinging onto my sides.

"Not that I'm complaining but, you haven't really came around since......" she looked away before grabbing the remote and turning the movie off.

"Awww mum! We wanted to keep watching the film!" the twins whined.

"Georgie, Jackson you both have seen the film over a million times. Besides you two got chores to do that you both forgot to do yesterday."

"But, but, but....."

"Now boys. You mind your mother and don't argue back with her." I lectured them giving them my father eye.

"Yes Uncle John." They both said glumly before they walked up the stairs.

"I swear they both got their father's handsome looks but their uncle Jensen's laziness." (y/n) complained which made me softly chuckle.

"They're little boys. And believe me it'll get worse, cause they're what seven now?" she nodded. "So yeah get ready. Ten is probably the age they'll really push your buttons."

"Well thanks for the heads up."

*My POV*

Now don't get me wrong, I love Deacy and I'm always happy to see him (on the rare occasions that he does come around) but this visit has something else written all over it.

"What film was that exactly?" he asked me.

"A Steven Spielberg masterpiece, Jurassic Park. Since it gets scary at around the middle part I don't allow the boys to watch this film alone without either me or Jack in the room."

"And what's with all the books? I haven't seen you this swamped since your first days as Miami's intern."

"Well—believe it or not. I'm finishing college."

"Really?"

"Uh-huh. You see since I left college once I became the Rock Angel, and with me taking a step back from the spotlight for a while. I enrolled at a University here about to graduate with an English degree."

"I'm proud of you (y/n). Really I am. And—I know he would be too if he heard that." See there it was. The reason behind his sadness. Sometimes Deacy couldn't even say his name without feeling such agonizing heartache. His eyes that were once filled with light had diminished and rarely sparked up anymore.

"What about you? How are you and the other two aging Queens getting along?" I asked as I took off my reading glasses.

"We're getting by. Day by day. We're—actually about to do a video for a song Brian's made." Okay, I think I know where this is going.

"Deacy—I appreciate the offer but I just.....don't think I'm ready to get back into the limelight just yet. Plus I got school to finish up. And then there are the kids and Jack. The press made my life hell throughout the trial and I refuse to go through that again. So you can tell Roger that I'm not interested."

"Actually it wasn't Roger's idea for me to come down here and have you work with us again. Nor was it Brian's." I looked at him in shock.

"You mean you want me to be a part of this video you're doing?"

"Yes. They told me you might not want to but please, sister dear, for old time's sake. You wouldn't want to break an old man's heart now would you?" he proceeded with the puppy dog eyes and with that greying hair on his head it just made him look like a sad old puppy dog.

"Why must you always get your way?"

"Because I'm your brother and you fall for it every time." I sighed heavily and said.

"Let me get a hold of Jack at the hospital and see what he says." I stood up as Deacy came behind me and said in an alarmed tone.

"Wait? What happened to Jack? Is he alright? He didn't do anything stupid did he?"

"Deacy, Deacy relax. Jack's fine he's with our son."

"Wait you're....." it was then he finally noticed my body shape. The post-pregnant belly and weight gain.

"Was. Yeah. Just 2 weeks ago we had our new baby boy."

"Oh (y/n). Congratulations. But—then why is he......"

"The thing is, he wasn't supposed to come till next January. I gave birth to him prematurely by 2 months." I said sadly as I finally arrived at the phone and touched it.

"I'm so sorry poppet. Had I known I would've never—"

"No need for apologizes or sympathy Deacy. Like I told you once a long time ago about my parents. I didn't tell you so you have no reason to feel sorry for me. Besides our boy's strong. He's shown great improvement. Doctor says we could possibly bring him home come this weekend."

"That's good. But knowing Roger and Brian, they'll be wanting pictures of him shortly."

"And what about you? Don't you want to see a picture of your new nephew?"

"Of course I do." There was a bit of hesitation to the way he responded but I set it aside for now as he asked me, "What's the lad's name?" After he said that, it was my turn to hesitate cause I didn't want Deacy to grow sad again.

"You promise me you won't get too heartbroken when I tell you?"

"So long as you didn't name him Adam, Paul or Steve I think we'll be good." I turned to face my brother and I said.

"It was no difficult decision, Jack and I agreed that this name just suited him perfectly and we—we knew he would've loved it too. Our last and newborn baby's name is Freddie Mercury Kline." I immediately picked up the phone and rang the hospital for Jack.

After awhile of Jack and I talking back and forth between one another, he agreed that he could handle the kids for a couple of days, man down the house, and even look over my final paper that I have to turn in in a couple of weeks for a class.

"Thanks babe. How's our boy doing?"

'Ahh (y/n) you should see him, he's glowing like the sun right now. Maybe when we do get to take him home, we can even get the rest of the Queen family to see him.'

"We don't want to overwhelm him so much." I lectured.

'I know. But I think it's time we told the rest of Queen didn't we? Especially after who we named him after.'

"Well half the job is done. Only Brian and Roger need to know."

'Yeah. Hey can you give me regards to Deacy?'

"Sure thing love. We'll stay here till you get home."

'Baby you know Kelly's old enough to keep the boys under control till I come back.'

"I don't know Jack, I mean yeah she's a pre-teen but I don't....."

'Trust me (y/n). She's clever just like her mom. She knows right from wrong. The kids will be fine. But if it makes you feel any better, I'll head home right now so that way she won't have to be responsible for too long.' I rolled my eyes and said.

"Thank you Jack. I'll be back on Monday, I promise."

'Take as much time as you need. Besides, you need to catch up with the guys.'

"You're right love. I love you Jack, give my baby a kiss for me before you leave."

'Will do mama lion. Give the guys my love for me when you see them.'

"I will." We then said bye to each other before I hung up the phone. "Alright, Jack's on his way from the hospital, he said Kelly can watch the twins until he comes back."

"She's responsible that girl of yours. Reminds me of you when we first met. You made sure everything got organized and planned out accordingly. Hell you managed to keep the four of us in line." I smiled and gathered up my school stuff to take into the study room.

After turning the TV, off and putting my books away I called the kids into the master bedroom while I packed a weekend night bag.

"Okay now listen you three, mum's going away for the weekend with your uncle Deacy to see your other uncle as well as your godfather to do some work. Your father is on his way home from seeing your brother, and until he gets back you're in charge Kelly."

"What!?" the twins proclaimed.

"You heard her." Kelly sassed down at her younger brothers.

"Now you all know the rules, stay inside, no trashing the house, no answering the phone for any reason at all unless the caller ID says its your father or another family member. And absolutely; No one. Sets. Foot. In my study or studio or else." I firmly stated to them, especially the last part.

"We promise mum." They all choired out.

"Good. Now stay safe, and listen to your sister boys. I'll be back on Monday. Now come on kisses and cuddles." I knelt down and got a hug from my three big kids.

I even told them to give their uncle Deacy cuddles and kisses, which he happily accepted, before the two of us headed out back for the taxi car to take us back to the airport.

After a few hours in the air, Deacy and I arrived into London by about 7pm and this time I paid a cabbie to take us over to Roger's place. God all this traveling is really making me jet lagged right now. I only hope I have enough energy to record tomorrow.

The next day we were all in the recording studio to film the music video of Brian's song. I was sitting at the piano with Brian who was giving me the rundown on how to play the tune when it came for my appearance in the video.

"So—how have things been for you lately?" asked Brian. I looked up at him, "I mean it's just—you went underground after the trail and we—got worried."

"I'm sorry I worried you guys. I just......needed some time to myself and my family, that's all."

"No, no we understand. God what—what happened that day was extremely traumatic for you and—"

"Brian. Can.....can we not discuss anything regarding him. Please?"

"Sure, sure, absolutely." God sometimes I hate it when Brian wakes eggshells around me.

"I'm finishing up school."

"Really?" I nodded.

"I'm studying Creative writing. By next spring I'll graduate from college and finally get my diploma."

"That's wonderful news (y/n). I'm so proud of you." he wrapped an arm around me and gave me a one armed hug and kissed the top of my head.

"Also—there's.....a new Kline in the household." He looked down at me surprised.

"You mean—"

"Had him two weeks ago. Prematurely though." His brows knitted in that familiar sympathetic way.

"Oh (y/n), I'm so sorry. Are they....."

"He is doing just fine. Even for being born 2 months early, he's already got the Kline lion strength."

"I'm sure he does. What's the lads name?" I took out my wallet from my inner coat pocket and took out a picture of him from his incubator.

"Jack and I both agreed on the name together. Bri, meet your newest nephew. Freddie Mercury Kline." His eyes looked right at mine, with awe but also a hint of sadness. But a wide smile spread across his face as he softly laughed out.

"God what he would've said knowing that he got one of us to finally name our next kid after him."

"Probably something like 'about fucking time darling. I was beginning to think I'd been neglected.'" We both chuckled softly.

"That is something he would say. Oh and I bet he would've doted on this little chap, just as he had with all of your other kids." I nodded solemnly.

"God I wish he were still here." He placed a comforting hand on my shoulder and lay his head down on top of mine, his curls gingerly stroking my forehead and nose.

"We all do poppet. We all do." I sniffled softly but pushed back the tears.

"Alright, enough of this chatter. Now for this part of the song it goes like this right?" I said shrugging him off before playing the chords he had taught me at the butt-crack of dawn before we even came to the studio.

Finally we were ready to film the video. First Brian, Rog and Deacy got into position with Bri at the piano, Deacy on a stool with a bass guitar, and Roger in the back with his drumkit.

I couldn't help but be touched at the reminder of cups full of beer and a champagne glass sitting right along the piano's edge. It was—a nice little touch that Freddie would've appreciated.

This music video......I'll admit that this is probably my favorite out of all the Queen music videos. Because now people will get to see what it was like on a daily basis with us. Almost like they are a familiar face stepping into the recording studio.

The director called for quiet on the set and I stayed back for awhile until it would be my time to go up there and soon the director called out action! The camera's rolled and I watched as a camera crane came down from the ceiling at a slow pace.

I then saw at men on the mobile camera slowly moved closer across the studio to really give that first person POV as Brian sang the first verse and played the piano. Already hearing him sing this song made my heart .

*Brian*

A hand above the water An angel reaching for the sky Is it raining in heaven Do you want us to cry?

And everywhere the broken-hearted On every lonely avenue No one could reach them No one but you

One by one Only the good die young They're only flyin' too close to the sun And life goes on Without you

Next up was Roger. The cameras slowly came towards him as he played the simple drumbeat and he took over the vocals of the second verse. By that time, Brian had switched over to his Red Special and stood a few feet away from Deacy while I took over at the piano.

But to surprise the fans; I had a hoodie to cover my entire face as I now took over playing the piano.

*Roger*

Another tricky situation I get to drownin' in the blues And I find myself thinkin' Well, what would you do?

Yes, it was such an operation Forever paying every due Hell, you made a sensation (sensation) You found a way through (found a way through)

*All*

One by one Only the good die young They're only flyin' too close to the sun *Roger*

We'll remember Forever

When it was finally my turn, I took the hoodie off and proceeded to play the piano as I sung the third voice. My heart was heavy and my throat felt like clenching up but I kept my sorrow at bay in order to get this done in one take.

Cause I knew if I didn't, then there's probably no way I could keep my composure after three takes of singing this verse. Because all that came through my mind were the good memories of Freddie, and how I couldn't even believe that he was really gone. Even though almost 6 years have passed.

*Me*

And now the party must be over I guess we'll never understand The sense of your leaving Was it the way it was planned?

And so we grace another table And raise our glasses one more time There's a face at the window And I ain't never, never sayin' goodbye

By the end of it all, the video would show Queen and the Rock Angel singing the song with such sorrow but passion as we sung it in honor of our beloved Freddie.

Soon all four of us were gathered around the piano, Deacy still sitting on his stool, but Brian, Roger and I were gathered close together with music sheets in our hands. I stood by Roger and would sing the first line before finding myself unconsciously leaning against him for support.

Thankfully he didn't see anything wrong with it as he wrapped an arm around me and took the next part before Brian would be the one to finish it since he was the one to start it.

*All*

One by one Only the good die young They're only flyin' too close to the sun *Me*

Cryin' for nothing *Roger*

Cryin' for no one *Brian*

No one but you

The video would then close off as the camera would rise up over the four of us gathered around the piano. The lights shutting off and us acting like we were now leaving the studio after a hard day's work.

"Cut! Okay Brian, come and see what you like and what we need to reshoot." The director called out and both he and Brian began speaking to each other as Bri reviewed the footage.

As I watched Bri talk to the director, I felt a slight nudge at my shoulder and I looked up to see Deacy. His eyes were sad but the smile across his face held some warmth to it. I leaned my head against his chest and I felt his hand rest on top of my head, gently scratching my scalp.

"You still got it poppet."

"Singing to the kids still keeps my pipes in check." I felt him gently kiss the top of my head when the director called out.

"Alright Mrs. Kline. We're gonna runback from your verse, your hair got in the way of your face too much." I nodded and soon someone from the hair department came and brushed my hair back out of my face. As well as take a couple of hairpins to make sure the strands didn't get in my face again.

Deacy walked back towards his stool and Brian went to grab his guitar once again while Rog twirled his sticks.

"Okay playback from the third verse." The music picked back up and the cameras rolled and I sung the third verse once again, this time I could feel myself choking up as I sang the verse again.

This continued to go on with reshoots, trying to make this video even better. By the fifth time singing it, I needed to step out and take a breather because at this point I was just about to breakdown crying. Luckily for me, Deacy was right there for me the whole time till I calmed down and was ready to go back to recording.

Four hours later, the video was complete. Once the director as well as the boys were satisfied with the results, it was time to head home. Roger insisted that I stay with him the next couple of days (because he wanted to know more about his new godson) as well as catch up with one another. As I placed my coat back on over me, I heard Deacy's voice say my name softly.

"What is it Deacy?"

"Can I—can I talk to you for a moment? Privately." The look in his eyes were full of regret, almost like he didn't even want to tell me whatever it was he wanted to say.

"Sure Deacy, let me just tell dad to wait up for me." He nodded while I raced off towards Roger and told him that I needed to talk with Deacy.

From behind his new circular prescription shades (kinda similar to what ole Ozzy has), I could see that he must've known what Deacy wanted to tell me.

I walked back towards Deacy who took my hand and led me out of the studio and out into the abandoned hallways. No one was there but us two.

"Alright John Deacon, what's really going on?" he refused to look me in the eye.

"I—the reason why I wanted you to be a part of this music video was because I......I wanted to work with you. One last time." My heart slowly sunk. "Freddie he—he was what made Queen the way it was from the beginning. Without him there......th-there just isn't any need for Queen to continue on."

I remained silent as John confessed his heartbreaking news. I could see the redness of tears at the corner of his eyes.

"I just can't continue with all this. Not without him. This—was my last contribution to Queen. And—I wanted it to also be the last time I worked alongside the Rock Angel as well." He went silent again. "I'm sorry love." He sniffled.

I reached out and softly took his hands in mine. When he felt my touch, his eyes finally looked right at me. I looked at him with pure empathy before walking closer to him till I finally embraced him.

Play video

Oh my poor brother, I felt him tense up underneath my touch. It was almost like he was expecting me to go full on hysterical about him retiring from music forever.

"I was a fan before I met you guys. I've read every interview you guys ever did, seen all the concerts. And never have I seen a band be so involved with each other as Queen has. Like me, Freddie took you under his wing and allowed you to soar. You never just became the 'bass player', or the 'quiet guy in the corner'. No you, John Richard Deacon, are the most vital and important piece that was needed for Queen to finally rise to the top. And Fred saw that in you."

I cupped his face in my hands as I continued,

"If this is what will bring you peace, I'll understand."

"You knew my reason all along, didn't you?" he said. I only gave him a soft smile before I embraced him.

"You will always be my brother mine." He slowly raised his arms and wrapped them around my back and he whispered his last words to me.

"And you'll forever be my sister dear." We remained there in each other's arms. Embracing each other as tightly as we could, inhaling each other's scents, remembering each other's touch.

Because I knew that once we let go, this would be the last time we would ever see each other again.

Finally I forced myself to release him from my embrace. I looked down sadly trying not to cry in front of him. I felt his hand cup the side of my face and his forehead press up against mine.

Our noses softly grazing one another's until I finally felt him give me one final kiss on the cheek.

When I opened my eyes, I only saw his back and heard as his shoes clicked along the hallway. That image would forever be imprinted into my brain for as long as I live.

"Goodbye......my sweet, sweet John Deacon." I whispered softly. The tears then softly fell down my face as he finally turned left and disappeared from my sights, leaving me all alone in the hallway.

After a while I finally left the studio and met Roger at his car. The hidden tearstains still glistening on my face and the occasional sniffle coming out. He didn't say a word as he looked at me knowingly, I looked up at him and ran into his chest and softly wept into his shoulder.

His father instincts toward me immediately kicked in as he wrapped his arms around me and tried his best to comfort me. God I tried so badly to not let this affect me. I knew where Deacy was coming from and I do respect his decision, I truly do, but—I just can't believe that even after this I'll never get to see my brother mine again.

It was like losing my parents all over again, except this was much, much worse. This time he'll be so close yet so far away.

*FF to May 14th, 1998*

I had done it. I was a college graduate at last. Earlier today I had finally done the famed college graduation walk that all my previous friends in college got to do all those years ago, and I was an official college graduate.

(Y/n) Kline, Bachelor's degree in English with a concentration in Creative Writing.

It was late afternoon and I was sitting up along the balcony of the vacation home with a glass of wine in hand. We all had just gotten back from a family dinner in celebration of my graduation, now I wanted to be at peace and watch the sunset.

Because starting tomorrow, I decided that it was time to head back to our home in London and I wanted to get back to work.

"Thought I'd find you up here." I heard Jack's voice say. I smiled as I turned towards him.

"I was wondering if you'd be joining me."

"Well you know as well as I do that if those twins of ours are left unattended during their bath, they'll drown the entire bathroom in soap again."

"God that was such a nightmare to clean up." I laughed as he came up and sat down close beside me on my lawn chair. I noticed in his hands he held some mail. "What all did we get?"

"Well some bills, junk mail, some congratulation cards from the family back home in America, as well as from Brian and Roger, and.....that's it." I extended my hand out and he handed me the mail and I began sorting out the business mail from the personal one.

It was then I came across an interesting letter. One I never though I'd expect to see.

"What's this?" I turned the letter towards him and that's when Jack's face went pale. For you see the letter was addressed to Jack but the place it was from is what had me curious. The letter was from the London Police Academy.

"Oh shit." He muttered.

"C'mon Jack spill it, what is this?"

"I really didn't want to make a big deal out of this, especially since these past few months were all about you."

"Jack." I warned him since he was getting off the subject. He sighed heavily before he took the letter from my hands and said.

"Okay. Do you remember when I had gone up to London, and I told you that I was just going up there to check on the house?" I nodded. "Well, I lied. The truth is—I went to apply for the London Police Academy because—I want to become a police officer, and eventually a criminal detective."

"Jack."

"I know I must sound crazy but, this was my decision. After what happened to us with—you know. For the past year and a half and then....dealing with the trail. It put all of us through hell. And I—I don't want us or for anyone else to go through the pain that we went through. That bastard nearly tore this family apart, and it was because of the law that he got away with it every time. Creeps like him shouldn't get off scot-free."

I hugged my husband as tightly as I could and I said with a wide smile.

"I'm so proud of you."

"Really?" I separated from him and continued.

"You're my husband and you've been so supportive of me for years. It's about time I was supportive of you in your dream career."

"Well I don't even know if I even got in, that's probably what this letter is."

"Then what are you waiting for? Open it!" I chuckled and opened up the envelope and soon took out the folded letter and read it to himself.

"I—I got in."

"Oh my darling that's fantastic! Congrats!" I hugged and kissed him.

"Well hold on, this just means that I'm a potential candidate for a chance at working for the London Police force. There's still like a six month process when it comes to actually getting in. Right now I'm just joining the academy for some training."

"Still, that's something to be proud of. Oh Jack, you're gonna be a fantastic officer. And soon a world-class detective. A regular Sherlock Holmes if you will." I teased the last part as I bopped his nose.

"I don't think I can be that good. But—I'll try my best. For you, for our kids, and for every other stalking victims out there. The law may have failed us, but I won't let it fail for those in the future." I smiled at my loving husband and cupped his face and kissed him. "Oh and there's something for you inside."

"Really? Another surprise?"

"Well it's more like a small package. And sadly it's not from me." I looked at him confused.

"Then who is it from?" he shrugged but led me inside back into our bedroom where the small package lay at the foot of our bed. I opened it up and inside there was a single videotape. It had no marking or writing on it to indicate what it was.

The two of us looked at each other perplexed before I went towards our VHS player and insert the tape into it. I turned the TV on and the screen was blue as the tape finally began to play.

Coming up on the screen sitting right on a couch was none other than John.

"Hello (y/n), Jack. And the young Kline cubs, if they are there." He softly chuckled with a slight smile. Jack sat down beside me on the foot of our bed as we continued to watch Deacy's tape. "(Y/n), my darling sister dear. I know that—my leaving from Queen may seem like another abandonment but I swear to you it's not."

"Seems like this is just for you both, I'll just—"

"And Jack you stay right there with her because this is for you too." Jack looked at the telly surprised.

"Holy shit that was creepy."

"Our Deacy knows all." I wrapped my arms around my husband's arm as Deacy continued.

"Now—I have known you both for a long time. And both of you have equally been such an important part of my life. So it breaks my heart to know that this—might be the last time we meet face to face. But there is no doubt in my mind that you both are going to change the world. (Y/n), my lovely Rock Angel, you continue to spread your wings and fly. I know that you're going to continue to be the brightest and biggest solo female rockstar this world will ever know. And Jack, my pupil, my dearest American friend. You continue to protect your family, because if there's one final piece of advice that I can give you, it's that family is forever. Friends may come and go, but family is forever. And I know that whatever you choose to do with your life, your wife is gonna be there to support you. You both were meant for each other. I love you both so much. Continue to love, to give, to inspire, and......be happy. Bye."

The screen went black for a moment before he came back on screen and he began to say.

"Kelly, Jackson, Georgie and—little baby Freddie." At that point I stopped the tape and I turned to face Jack. I could already see the faint tears in his eyes.

Play video

"So this is really it huh?" Jack asked. I nodded. "I—can't believe we'll never get to actually talk to Deacy again." I rested my head on his shoulder and wrapped an arm around his shoulders.

"This is just his way of grieving. Deacy's very fragile right now. You know how his childhood was, and losing Freddie at three years his father's age. It's like—losing two father figures to him."

"I know. It's just that....." Jack looked at me with tears in his eyes.

Jack really did look up to Deacy for everything. After all they've been through for over 10 years together, to Jack it was like he was losing a very good friend.

"I know my love, I know. But this is what Deacy needs. To be with just his family now, and not be reminded of the pain of losing Freddie. And who knows—maybe, and this is a slight maybe, we might see him again. But until then we need to respect his wishes." Jack nodded and the two of us cuddled close together as we were both thinking the same thing.

We hope that you're happy at home John Richard Deacon.

[desiraypark]

Earth Angel

Continuation of SATURDAY NIGHT SPECIAL Characters: Flip Zimmerman x Mae (OC - Blk/F) Content: Fluffy/romantic; then a nasty lil’ quickie (PIV sex; FeedFlipSomeTiddies1975) Inspiration: Me telling some friends that this photoshoot (particularly the shirtless with hand in pocket photo) gave me “fuck you in the back of a Volkswagen on the way to Woodstock” energy lol

January 2, 1975 Dear Mae, I hope you had a good New Year’s Eve. And day. Also hope these letters haven’t been too much. I just think about you a lot I just enjoy talking to you. But anyway, I was thinking about my New Year’s resolutions. I’ve never really been big on them but thought 1975 would be the year I give one or two a try. Before I knew it, I got the crazy idea to go on a road trip. From Colorado Springs to Miami, perhaps? Shouldn’t take more than a few days--depending on how often we stop. Before I start stalling and using up this entire sheet to talk about bullshit, I’m going to come right on out and ask if you’d like to join me. I know it sounds crazy. But it would be nice to have some companionship and I can’t think of anyone else I’d like to see the country with. Let me know. Call me a fucking fool if needed.  Best Regards, Flip _____________________ January 16, 1975

Flip Honey, 

I’m definitely going to call you a fucking fool. You ARE a fucking fool. But God looks out for babies and fools, or however that phrase goes. I thought long and hard when I got your letter and you’ve got your answer: yes. I’d love to go on a road trip with you. Because I’m a fool, too. Spend a little change and call me when you get this, honey. You know the number. Better Regards, Mae

FEBRUARY 1975 Flip flew Mae out to Colorado Springs--her first plane ride. He’d temporarily exchanged his truck for a friend’s Volkswagen Transporter and filled it with supplies, dry foods, and toiletries. 

He was like an excited kid at the airport, waiting for Mae to walk through--and boy, did she! She wore a heavy red coat with some kind of fur at the collar and had her hair pinned up like a Park Avenue socialite. She had on a navy skirt or a dress, and some black high-heeled boots. “Look at you!” she said, meeting him halfway.  “Look at you,” he responded, wrapping his arms around her. “Looking great, as always.” It was about 4:30 when she and Flip arrived to his house. They’d picked up a pizza, sat in front of the television with it, and talked until they fell asleep. Eventually, they moved to the bedroom.  “No funny business, now,” Mae had said. Flip laughed. “You’d be too tired to keep up.” But they didn’t try a thing. Even with Mae’s perfect ass against him, and Flip’s strong arm holding her close, they didn’t try a thing. They slept through the night and hit the road for St. Louis (and whatever was in between) at 6:00AM on the dot. They got to St. Louis at about seven in the evening and stopped at a diner. 

“Thank you for saying yes to this, Mae,” Flip said before biting into a crispy chicken sandwich. She nodded.  “Thank you for askin’, Flip.” The lamp above them was dusty, but it made Mae look like an angel. Flip looked over her face. Every inch of it. And Mae felt him staring. The blood rushed to her cheeks and she looked down at her seasoned fries. “Why are you acting shy?” he asked. Mae shrugged. “Because you’re lookin’ at me all...I don’t know...”  Flip’s chest bounced, but no sound came out. Only a grin formed on his face--he was slightly amused by the sight. A woman who’d bounced up and down on him every night in Miami, suddenly blushing and averting her eyes over dinner. But he knew what had her blushing. They both knew that the air was different between them. And it wasn’t just because of the St. Louis cookin’. 

They finished off their food, got some gas, and found a motel to stay in. Even though they both know good and well they wanted to fuck each other’s brains out, the ride had worn them down a little. Especially Flip. Once again, they climbed in bed (well, on top of the bed, because Mae didn’t trust the sheets), and drifted off. ____________________ The Next Morning Flip and Mae hit the road just before sunrise. The road was empty and as much as Mae wanted to see the beautiful morning sky, she fell back asleep. Eventually, Flip turned the car radio on and hummed the songs to himself. Soon, the disk jockey decided to take him back about twenty years--when he was a tall, lanky kid who had nothing to get into but trouble. “Eaaarth angel, earth angel...will you be miiiine...my darling dear, love you all the ti-ime...” Flip perked up, turned the volume up and sang quietly to himself. He even tapped his thumbs against the steering wheel. “I'm just a fool, a fool in love with you...” he sang along. He glanced in Mae’s direction. She was slumped in the seat, the top of her head facing him. One of the buttons of her flannel shirt had popped open because her tits were so damned big. He looked back at the road and shook his head at his own self. He knew what was happening. Passion rushed his veins. His brain was foggy with adulation. Then, he looked gave her one more glance. She looked so good. Flip scanned every road sign he drove by for the next few miles--hoping for an indication of a truck stop or something. And there it was--a park en route! He followed the signs to the public park and drove through in search of a place to park. It took little time for him to find the park’s most discreet area--a wide open circle of dirt adjacent to a seemingly endless forest. 

It was early in the morning. No one else was there. Just the birds and insects that flitted and flew from tree to tree. Flip parked the van and tapped Mae’s thigh. Her eyes popped open quickly. “Mae?” “Yeah?” she asked yawning. “What’s wrong?!” “If I don’t get your tits in my mouth right now, I’m gonna lose my fuckin’ mind.” _____________________ Mae was nothing but nerves as her and Flip climbed into one of the back seats. Mae started undoing her pants, but Flip grabbed her shirt and ripped it open, sending the buttons flying. “Flip!” she cried. He grunted and pushed the cups of her bra up--causing her breasts to spill out. Then, he wrapped his lips around her left nipple, massaging the entire breast in the process. Mae ran her fingers through his hair, and watched him feast like a starving man. He held onto her breast as though it were going to run away from him, and moved his mouth to the other one--also giving the nipple a hard suck.  “Shit, Flip,” Mae whispered. “I missed you so much...” “Me, too Babygirl. Me, too...” he mumbled. 

He devoured her breasts for a few minutes before removing his belt and undoing his jeans. Mae lifted her leg--pulling it closer to her, and unzipped her boot. Flip grabbed the heel and pulled it off. They repeated the process on her other boot--which was hanging over the back of the seat. As Mae worked at her own jeans--pushing the denim and her panties down to the floor simultaneously--Flip pulled out his wallet, yanked out a condom and slid it on. He sucked his index and middle finger and shoved it into Mae’s pussy. She let out quiet moans as he worked her open, preparing her for him.  “I want you to get on top. You think you can handle that?” he asked.  “You know I can.” Flip bit his bottom lip and pulled his fingers out. Jeans stuck around his knees, he sat up and pressed his ass down on the leather seats. Mae sat up, straddled him, and gave him a hot, wet kiss. Flip held her hips and slowly--carefully--eased her down onto his rock-hard length. “Fuck...” they both groaned. Mae worked over him a little--trying to find comfort as he split her open like a log for firewood. Then, she began to bounce. He grabbed her hips and stared at her face. He couldn’t stare into her eyes--she had then squeezed shut, and was biting her lip.  “There you go, beautiful,” he mumbled. He gave her ass a slap.  “Mmph!” she hummed. She rested against his chest and wrapped her arms around his neck--groaning and clenching her teeth every time his tip hit the right spot. “Are you holding your moans in?” he asked. She was. But she wasn’t conscious of it until he asked. Suddenly, she realized the van was also bouncing and squeaking. Her eyes popped open and she scanned their surroundings. “There’s nobody out here,” Flip said, moving his hands directly onto her ass. He guided her up and down, and up and down--harder and faster. “Shit!” she shouted. “That’s right. Make all the noise you need to. Don’t hold that shit in. Didn’t I tell you in Florida?” he asked, his gruff voice booming so close to her ear that it made her temporal lobes feel like they were vibrating. “I’m gonna make you scream my name every time.” He smacked her ass hard. “Every...time.” “Oh, God...” Mae moaned. She fell against his chest again and closed her eyes--temporarily removing her own sense of sight so that touch was enhanced. She felt Flip’s chest moving up and down under hers; the calloused flesh of his large palms holding and kneading her ass cheeks; his dick dragging along her walls. Then, a hand moved away from her ass. He shoved it into the tight space between them and found her clit.  “Fuck!” Mae shouted. She sat up and stared into his dilated pupils. Her breasts smacked his chin until he stuck his tongue out and was able to capture one her nipples again.  Mae’s bouncing slowed down. She leaned across him once more, lifted her lower body just before the head of his dick came out of her, and expertly slid back down. Flip let go of her breast to let out an expletive.  “Do that shit again,” he said, throwing his head back and staring up at her. She did as requested--lifting off of him almost completely, then sliding back down. She did it one more time, and before she could lift a fourth time, Flip wrapped his arms around her waist, kept her down, and began to thrust up into her. “Aaah!” she cried. He dug deep inside of her, making her feel every pulse and every drag against her velvety walls--reminding her of what she hadn’t been getting for months. His pace was moderate, but each thrust was deep. He abruptly paused his stroke, grabbed her hair, and tilted his chin up. “You feel that dick deep inside of you, baby?” he whispered freakishly low. He pressed into her deeper. Deeper than she realized was possible. “Yes...” she squealed. Her nails dug into the nape of his neck. “Does it feel good?”  “Yes, Flip, yes...” she mumbled, shaking her head in disbelief. Flip gripped her scalp and banged into her one hard time. “Can’t hear you...” he said, his voice going above a whisper. “YES! FUCK!” she began to grind into him. “I wanna come, Flip. Please, make me come. Please!” Mae pleaded. Flip picked up his pace again, and Mae met his thrusts.  “Lean back and let me see you rub that pretty clit,” he said. “I’ve got you.” Mae leaned back and Flip held her with a palm against her lower back--making sure she didn’t fall backward. As she bounced her squelching pussy on his length, she rubbed her clit with the pads of her fingers. In no time, the heat began to build up in her belly. She tightened around him, and worked herself toward her release, screaming to the van’s ceiling. As she came, he drilled into her hard. “Fliiiiip! Yesssssssss!” she squealed, breasts bouncing all over the place. “Fffuuuuck!”

Flip began pumping shallow thrusts up into her--surrendering to the rush that soon fell over him. Mae looked down with a sweet (and pleased) smile as she rode out her wave--enjoying the spurt of warmth that filled her up. She could tell that it was a lot, too. Only a thin layer of protection keeping their sweet saps from merging and creating something more. 

Flip pulled her back to him and devoured her mouth. Then, they took a few minutes to catch their breath. Soon, they put their clothes back on. Mae had to dig in her suitcase for another shirt. Despite the place still being empty, Flip discreetly tossed his condom in a large garbage bin nearby. He climbed into the van and looked over at Mae. She returned the glance and burst into laughter, and he did the same. 

“Need me to drive, big boy?” she asked smirking.  “No. You just sit back and look pretty for me,” Flip said. He slapped her thigh and started the Volkswagen back up. 

They left the park warm and satisfied, and made their way down to Tennessee. 

____________________ TAG LIST @aloneandsleepless @tsarinastorm If you’d like to be on any of my tag lists, please leave a comment on my Tag List Request post!

[staircasttext]

Ep 19: Beaver Tales

Episode 19

[intro music]

PAZ: Hi everyone, welcome back to Stairway to StarClan, a Warriors Cat reread pawdcast. I'm Paz.

JULIAN: I'm Julian.

LIZ: And I'm Liz.

PAZ: And we're back again this week with chapters seven to 10 of Forest of Secrets. I almost said Fire and Ice. No, we're done with that. Kind of a lot of in camp activities these chapters, I would say.

JULIAN: Yeah, some tightly focused drama.

PAZ: Yeah. I don't know anything, any pressing pre-summary thoughts, or should we just go into it?

LIZ: Let's just hop right in.

PAZ: Okay. Chapter seven. After Bluestar dismisses Fireheart, he bumps into Cinderpaw on her way to find herbs for Yellowfang and accompanies her. On the way out, they see Cloudkit and the other kits taunting Brokentail. Fireheart is conflicted and angry, and snatches Cloudkit away from Brokentail, telling the other kits to go back to the nursery. Darkstripe calls Fireheart a kittypet again, and Fireheart explains to Cloudkit what that means. He also tells Cloudkit that they were both kittypets, which shocks Cloudkit. Cloudkit vows to become a good warrior anyway, and Fireheart reminds him about being honorable.

Cinderpaw checks on Brokentail and Darkstripe returns into the den. Fireheart and Cinderpaw let Cloudkit come with them to find herbs, and she teaches Cloudkit a bit of what she's learned about foraging. While they talk about Cloudkit's future, Cloudkit eats some-- doesn't eat. That'd be bad if he. Cloudkit almost eats some poisonous berries before Cinderpaw stops him. Cloudkit, dead. He's dead now.

LIZ: Dead in Miami.

PAZ: Dead in chapter seven of Forest of Secrets. No, that didn't happen. He takes her warning seriously. Afterwards, Cinderpaw wonders what her future will be like, feeling uncertain and pained, and Fireheart encourages her to talk to Bluestar. He thinks briefly about Bluestar's reaction to Graypool's story again, and thinks to himself that it's beyond his understanding.

Chapter eight. Fireheart has a disturbing dream about kits suckling from a faceless grey queen, who then disappears. Spottedleaf appears, sheltering the kits, and the dream ends. When he wakes up, he thinks about Graypool's story again, noticing that Graystripe is also missing, seeing Silverstream, of course. He and Sandstorm decide to go hunting, taking poor Brackenpaw with them since Graystripe has forgotten about him again. Brackenpaw catches a bird, but they suddenly hear the sound of a kit in danger. They find a badger menacing Cloudkit and manage to chase it off. They wonder about how strange it was for a badger to be out in daytime. Cloudkit is returned safely to Brindleface, but Tigerclaw punishes him for wasting everyone's time, though isn't Cloudkit's fault. His punishment is to clean up for the elders.

Meanwhile, Yellowfang has taken Brokentail outside to talk about newleaf, while Darkstripe and Longtail act as guards. She's very gentle and motherly, but Brokentail doesn't respond. Fireheart watches sadly, thinking of mothers and kits, and then Mistyfoot and Stonefur again.

Chapter nine. While Cinderpaw tends to Brackenpaw's wounds from attacking the badger, Fireheart checks in on Cloudkit and helps him with tending to the elders. Fireheart tells him about having to tend to Yellowfang's ticks, her ass ticks, when he was younger, which cheers Cloudkit up.

Later, Fireheart sees Tigerclaw sneaking out of camp, so he decides to follow him. He notices Tigerclaw is getting close to Twolegplace, wondering if he's trying to track down Princess to hurt her. Fireheart also happens to catch a mouse on the way, which gives him an alibi for hunting, when he literally bumps into Tigerclaw soon after.

When Tigerclaw returns to camp, Fireheart checks around Twolegplace, where he smells that a lot of strange, unknown cats have been around in addition to Tigerclaw. He also meets with Princess briefly, and he tells her about how well Cloudkit is growing up, promising to bring him to see her in newleaf. On the way back to camp, he sees that newleaf's thaw has started.

Chapter 10. Fireheart tells Bluestar about the strange cat scents, and she says she'll send patrols out, thinking they might be rogues from Twolegplace. Two days later, newleaf has truly arrived, and there's plenty of food to hunt. Fireheart is pleased to see Cloudkit continuing to tend to the elders, even after his punishment has ended. Tigerclaw tells Fireheart to patrol the RiverClan border and renew the scent markings, and Fireheart realizes Tigerclaw is too clever to be hostile to him in public. He takes some other warriors with him, including Sandstorm and Graystripe, who is the most excited in case he sees Silverstream. However, they don't smell any RiverClan cats at all. The river has overflowed from the thaw, flooding Sunningrocks. And that's the end of the readings this week. What? Does anybody want to say anything?

JULIAN: Sorry, I was on the Wikipedia page for badgers again. Just for when we get to it.

PAZ: The Wikipedia page or like the Warriors wiki page?

JULIAN: No, the regular Wikipedia page.

PAZ: Oh, okay.

JULIAN: I was not on the Warriors wiki page, although I'm sure that's a rich vein.

LIZ: Oh, I'll check.

PAZ: No, don't. There's spoilers. Don't check.

LIZ: I'll just read the first sentence, how about that. There's only the first sentence and then the contents, like table of contents. They do have a picture of a real badger on there.

PAZ: That's beautiful.

LIZ: Not an illustrated one. "Badgers are thickset medium-sized animals with huge muscles and beady eyes that are mainly active at night, and are enemies to cats in the Warriors series." There you go.

JULIAN: Hot damn.

PAZ: Huge muscles.

JULIAN: The thing that I was reading on the actual Wikipedia page for badgers is that apparently they're usually pretty chill, unless they're cornered.

PAZ: Yeah, I thought so.

JULIAN: Yeah, it's saying that they often live alongside and will share their burrows with red foxes.

LIZ: Ooh.

PAZ: Wow.

JULIAN: "Foxes provide badgers with food scraps, and badgers maintain the shared burrows' cleanliness."

LIZ: Roommates.

PAZ: Wow, love is real.

JULIAN: "Although sometimes this can go wrong, and cases are known of badgers driving vixens from their dens and destroying their litters."

PAZ: [gasp]

LIZ: [gasp] Oh.

JULIAN: "In return, red foxes are known to have killed badger cubs in spring."

LIZ: Roommates to enemies.

PAZ: Roommates to enemies.

JULIAN: Sometimes your roommate situation goes south.

PAZ: Yeah, it can be like that with roommates. Yeah, I'm like, I thought badgers were fairly chill. They're not like wolverines.

LIZ: No.

JULIAN: No, they're pretty chill unless you corner them. And that's not what happened here.

PAZ: Maybe this badger has rabies. That was my first thought when it was like, it's out in the daytime.

JULIAN: Oh, that's possible.

PAZ: I was like, does this badger have rabies? Is Brackenpaw gonna get rabies?

LIZ: No.

JULIAN: He hasn't had his shots.

PAZ: Exactly. He hasn't had his rabies shots.

LIZ: This is why Fireheart is like the chosen one, or whatever.

PAZ: Speaking of Brackenpaw, poor Brackenpaw.

JULIAN: God.

LIZ: Poor little guy.

JULIAN: Fuckin, Graystripe, do your job. Do your job.

LIZ: How often does he have to see his girlfriend?

PAZ: Every hour of every day, apparently.

JULIAN: Like I get it. They don't have Skype. They can't write each other letters or like text or whatever. But like, you gotta deal.

LIZ: Make a schedule.

PAZ: Just go out at night, or something.

JULIAN: Have a weekly date night. And then be normal.

PAZ: I'm glad that the text pointed out that Graystripe sucks and is a bad teacher again because he is.

LIZ: Poor Brackenpaw.

JULIAN: Well, and it's having serious impacts on-- yeah. It's having serious impacts on Brackenpaw's like emotional health. He's really unsure of himself. And like, even when he did a really good job fighting off the badger, he's like, oh no, I'm sure it wasn't that-- like I didn't do that good.

LIZ: Brackenpaw is very cool. He caught a bird out of the air and then was very self-conscious about that.

PAZ: Yeah, he did a double-jump.

LIZ: Yeah. Where'd he learn that? Not Graystripe.

PAZ: Hell no. Graystripe wouldn't fight a badger. Graystripe would just leave.

JULIAN: Graystripe would leave the badger for someone else to deal with.

LIZ: There's that part where like Brackenpaw's like, oh, all the other apprentices are so much younger, but they're gonna be warriors before me.

PAZ: I know.

JULIAN: Also, like, Graystripe, do your job. Also Bluestar do your job.

PAZ: Bluestar... horrible leader.

JULIAN: Or-- not to be like, Tigerclaw should get in here. But like, if he's going to be aggressive and mean, maybe he should be aggressive and mean about the actual problems.

LIZ: He should just ground Graystripe for like a month.

JULIAN: Graystripe can deal with the elders' ticks.

PAZ: Okay, like, not to be like Tigerclaw's right again. But him giving Cloudkit a little like, oh, take care of the elders punishment seemed to work. Cloudkit gained some emotional maturity from that, so.

JULIAN: Yeah, I do have a note that's like his reasoning sucks, but this is good for Cloudkit.

PAZ: Yeah, Cloudkit needed that.

JULIAN: Also like, it integrates him better with the clan. Again, worst person you know made a great point.

LIZ: It's very funny. He just became like a mean teacher for a second. It's like, this is the 90s movie where Cloudkit is like the rowdy new transfer. Tigerclaw's like his mean math teacher or something, and he gives him extra homework. It makes his math better. I don't know. Is that how the movies go? Math, right? Math.

PAZ: Yeah. Uh-huh.

JULIAN: I didn't have a TV, so.

PAZ: Sure.

JULIAN: Yes?

LIZ: Well, I've never seen a movie, so we are equal here.

PAZ: I think we jumped around a little bit though. I guess we can--

JULIAN: We did. We jumped straight to chapter eight.

PAZ: I forgot when that happened. For some reason I thought Brackenpaw being abandoned started in chapter seven, but it is not. It's Cinderpaw.

LIZ: Just start, in my mind, poor guy.

JULIAN: Oh, Cinderpaw.

PAZ: Once again, Cinderpaw seems to be doing just fine. But Fireheart's manpain, like internal narrative is terrible. Be quiet.

JULIAN: There is a line about how he's not in the mood for sharing tongues with his friends, which I know we've covered this before. I will never get used to sharing tongues.

LIZ: Why isn't it just called cleaning?

JULIAN: Grooming.

LIZ: Yeah.

JULIAN: Well...

LIZ: There's a word for it. You got it.

PAZ: Yeah, I don't know. I don't know who decided that would be the term for it.

LIZ: Also, since we did like start out with, you know, seeing how like, we got to see how Brackenpaw felt about his situation, it's kind of like an capital-I Interesting contrast to see that in like Cinderpaw, cause we don't really get to see much of that, just kind of like Fireheart's man pain.

PAZ: I mean, she does like voice her feelings in this part, where she's like, I don't really know what I'm doing because we only have three jobs in our society. And no one's told me now what I should do.

LIZ: I guess it's like the way it cycles back to Fireheart, which...

PAZ: Yeah, that's true.

JULIAN: Yeah, the framing is very like Fireheart-centric, in a way that I wish it were not.

PAZ: Yeah, I agree.

JULIAN: God, it is like, he's so close, because there's one point where-- let me find the portion. Yeah. "Cinderpaw was brave and intelligent, and before her accident, she had shown endless energy and commitment to the clan. Surely that couldn't all be thrown away." Yeah, Fireheart, surely it couldn't. Like he's soooooo close. And yet so far away.

LIZ: My guy.

JULIAN: Like I'm glad she's found something that she can do, but blehhhhh.

LIZ: She was given one option by one person.

JULIAN: Well, and it's also in the like bit with the deathberries, um, like she does move very quickly when required. When the plot requires her to be able to move quickly, she sure can.

PAZ: Yeah, it's almost like she could hunt and stuff fine if anyone would just let her, or do anything else.

JULIAN: It's like right after he sees that that Fireheart is like, damn. Too bad she's helpless.

PAZ: Yeah, speaking of helplessness-- disability framed as helplessness, all this stuff with Brokentail at the start of chapter seven is also like what the hell.

LIZ: Ooh. Yikes.

JULIAN: It's so fucked.

LIZ: It's fucked.

PAZ: It frames him as completely helpless. I'm like, all he is is blind. He didn't like...

LIZ: He's still like an adult cat.

JULIAN: Right, he still has claws and like teeth. I fully expected him to kill one of the kits.

PAZ: He's just barely reacted. It's so weird.

JULIAN: Yeah, it's also just like, you know, I'm glad that Fireheart like takes Cloudkit aside and is like, Hey, don't do that.

LIZ: Yeah, it's fucking shitty. Don't do it.

JULIAN: But yeah, the fact that like-- and you know, it is framed as like a fucked up thing that the kits have done to like be taunting their prisoner, their disabled prisoner, but oooh! Yeesh.

PAZ: Yeah, it's like, it's one thing to like-- there was sort of a part where like Darkstripe like threatened Brokentail when like he almost clawed them, but like it wasn't really being framed as like, he's not doing it because he'll get, like, beat up by the guard. It was like-- he just barely reacted. And it was like, oh he couldn't track where the kits were. I'm like, he still has ears. He still has whiskers.

JULIAN: He has ears and whiskers and like scent.

LIZ: That's mostly what they hunt with anyway. It's not like they use their incredible bird's eye view to hunt the mouse.

JULIAN: Yeah, all the descriptions of hunting are like, oh, they hear the mouse rustling in the grass. Like they can't see the mouse.

PAZ: It's so weird.

LIZ: I mean, like we know why it's like this, and it's because the author didn't put the work into it to like-- just thinks this is the only way you can write your disabled character.

JULIAN: Yeah, I guess it really is sort of one finger curls on the monkey's paw. We were like, oh, I wish there were another disabled character besides Cinderpaw.

PAZ: Mm.

JULIAN: And we got one, and...

PAZ: Somehow worse.

JULIAN: He literally has Broken in the name.

PAZ: Yeah, but that scene-- oh, go ahead.

JULIAN: And then Fireheart gets-- oh sorry, I was gonna say, and then Fireheart gets to explain racism to Cloudkit.

LIZ: Oh my god.

PAZ: He literally says we have to work twice as hard. Oh my God.

JULIAN: Head in my hands.

PAZ: It's a kids book so I'll let it pass, but it is very funny.

LIZ: When's Cloudkit gonna have his lunchbox moment?

JULIAN: Oh God.

PAZ: He has his little catnip mouse. All the warriors are like, ew, what's that?

LIZ: Fuck.

JULIAN: Oh, God.

PAZ: Princess gives him some Temptations to take back to camp.

JULIAN: To bring home to them. To all his friends.

LIZ: And when all his friends are like, you know, in college, they're gonna be going to all the overpriced fusion Temptations bars.

PAZ: Oh god.

JULIAN: All the catnip lounges.

LIZ: Terrible.

JULIAN: Also, not only is Fireheart explaining racism to Cloudkit, but he's also telling Cloudkit that he's adopted, which is a lot.

PAZ: Yeah, I mean to be fair, Fireheart thought that he already knew.

JULIAN: Which is also, how did he not know?

PAZ: I don't know. I guess he just never like brought it up with Brindleface.

JULIAN: But they were all teasing him for being a kittypet.

PAZ: Were they?

LIZ: Maybe.

JULIAN: I think so.

PAZ: I don't know if they ever did it to his face.

JULIAN: I guess it was mostly like-- yeah.

PAZ: Well, he said like, so that's why everyone hates me but I don't know if anyone ever called him a kittypet like to his face.

JULIAN: Yeah, no, I think you're right. Damn.

PAZ: I do love that Cloudkit says, "'so that's why the other cats hate me,' he spat. 'They think I'll never be any good because I wasn't born in this dump of a forest.'"

LIZ: Get 'em.

PAZ: So good. Get 'em.

LIZ: I love his like immediate turnaround like fuck this house. None of you are my dad.

PAZ: He's such a funny child.

JULIAN: There's a bit later where when Fireheart meets with Princess, he's like, yeah, your son's doing great. Um, and then mentally he's like, yeah, and he's spoiled and like nosy. But I do love him.

PAZ: He's very fun.

LIZ: Just a little rowdy boy.

PAZ: Yeah, he's a little brat rowdy boy.

LIZ: He's definitely like a season two protagonist.

JULIAN: Mm, mm-hmm.

LIZ: Know what I mean?

PAZ: Yeah? You think, second series?

LIZ: Mm-hmm. It's like, no, it's not about the power of friendship anymore. It's about the power of me winning the sports game, except it is friendship, but I have to get through a couple of my own walls first, because of--

JULIAN: What sport do you think the cats will be inventing?

LIZ: What's a good one for them to play? Soccer. There you go.

PAZ: Yeah, they would love to bat a little ball around.

JULIAN: Or like a sort of--

LIZ: A moss ball.

JULIAN: I was gonna say, sort of a, like, Maya toss ball situation, where you have to get the ball into the hoop.

LIZ: They can have one more job then. It's hoop maker.

JULIAN: Hoop maker and athlete.

PAZ: Wow.

JULIAN: Two more jobs. Three more jobs if they need referees.

PAZ: Wow. They can do like, like inter clan sports competitions, and that'll get all the bloodlust out when they just, you know, they play sports.

JULIAN: What if the cats have football riots though?

LIZ: They would. They will. It's terrible. Who's England in this situation?

JULIAN: ThunderClan, right?

LIZ: Yeah. Boo.

PAZ: Has to be.

JULIAN: Like, thinks they're good, has done many crimes.

PAZ: Exactly.

JULIAN: Although I guess ShadowClan is like the most obviously expansionist, so.

PAZ: They're all England.

LIZ: Ugh.

JULIAN: Maybe ThunderClan is like Germany

LIZ: They'll also probably need more like medics. So that's not a new job, but it is like expanding it.

PAZ: Yeah, more than two doctors.

LIZ: Oh, what a luxury.

JULIAN: More than one and a half doctors.

PAZ: Speaking of the doctors, it's very like stupid that Cinderpaw's like, oh I don't know what I'll do. And it's like, you're acting as the medicine cat. Throughout all these chapters, you were just a second doctor. And Fireheart's also like, I have no idea. Oh, you'll have to talk to Bluestar.

LIZ: Assigned doctor.

PAZ: I bet Yellowfang's gonna be like, um, I thought you were already my apprentice like three weeks ago.

LIZ: Well, did she ask?

PAZ: I guess, I don't know. It's just like--

LIZ: Listen, these cats are pretty dense.

JULIAN: Yellowfang seems like the kind of character who doesn't ask for things but sort of tries to trick people into doing nice things for them. She's like, oh, uh, oh, whoops, I made all this soup. You have to eat it or it'll go to waste.

LIZ: Tricks you into a paying job.

JULIAN: Yeah, Cinderpaw has a little moment where she's like, oh, yeah, I'm gonna have to move out of Yellowfang's den. And it's like, will you? I don't think you will. Has she asked you to?

LIZ: She probably already made you a room.

PAZ: Yeah, I'm pretty sure she has a bed there. I mean not just like her, like recovering bed.

JULIAN: Yellowfang like carefully decorating the walls while Cinderpaw's out.

LIZ: Yellowfang makes her a Welcome Home Temptations cake with a little ribbon.

PAZ: Cinderpaw also says, "ever since I was a tiny kit I wanted to be like Bluestar," and I'm like, no you don't.

LIZ: No. I mean she probably did.

JULIAN: Yeah, that's the lie of being a girlboss.

PAZ: I think you're better off.

JULIAN: Yeah, it seems like Bluestar isn't doing so hot.

LIZ: The part where Fireheart tells her like, oh, Bluestar will know what to do.

PAZ: I know. I was like, I don't think so.

JULIAN: When has Bluestar ever known what to do?

LIZ: For like five chapters in the first book.

PAZ: Yeah, and in like the beginning of book two with WindClan. And then it was kinda over.

LIZ: I don't know what's happening lately. Maybe she got taken over by the ghost of a cat that's not good at being...

JULIAN: Speaking of Yellowfang, the scenes with her and Brokentail are so sad.

PAZ: Like her being like, she's being motherly to him, and him just like, absolutely not responding. Of course he doesn't know that she's his mom.

JULIAN: Right. Woof.

LIZ: [sighs]

PAZ: Drama.

LIZ: There's a part where it says like, she makes like little mom noises at him.

PAZ: Yeah, I was in tears.

JULIAN: Or like, she was like grooming him, and like he does not even move.

LIZ: Aw.

JULIAN: Yellowfang, it's okay. You have so many other children.

PAZ: I know. This kid sucks.

JULIAN: You have so many children who don't suck.

PAZ: I guess we didn't really talk about that prophecy dream Fireheart had, but it wasn't really that interesting.

JULIAN: Yeah, it didn't really tell us anything that we don't already know.

PAZ: Yeah, it was just Spottedleaf being like Fireheart, you idiot. You know who those kits are.

LIZ: Who's that gray cat?

PAZ: I don't know.

LIZ: Well, there are so many gray cats, just.

PAZ: It's true.

LIZ: Like there's definitely more than-- like I knew about them, but it just seems more pointed out now for some reason. Is that just me? Like, it talks about how Cinderpelt is-- sorry, Cinderpaw. I know what happens later, name-wise. How she's gray. We already know Graystripe's gray. There's Graypool, there's Silverstream, there's that other guy. There's Yellowfang?

JULIAN: Stonefur?

PAZ: No, Yellowfang has black fur, I think.

JULIAN: Or like dark brown.

LIZ: Dark brown?

PAZ: Yeah. Persian cat.

JULIAN: Yeah, it does feel like they're like, hey, look, like all these gray cats. Parallels.

LIZ: It's cause there's no black and white.

PAZ: Was Oakheart gray too? How many fucking gray cats were there?

LIZ: Lots.

JULIAN: [typing] Oakheart Warriors wiki. He was... uh, no. He was reddish-brown.

PAZ: Well.

LIZ: That's a lot more uncommon, I think, like a reddish brown cat that isn't like a tabby or something. Like you ever see a brown cat? Like a brown brown cat?

JULIAN: I have, but it's definitely, like--

PAZ: Just pure brown? Yeah, those are a--

JULIAN: A weird-looking color.

PAZ: Those kinds of cats always look really smooth. It's probably a breed, that kind I'm thinking of.

LIZ: They look like just little like wild cats.

JULIAN: Oh, it's a Havana Brown.

LIZ: Hmm.

PAZ: We already talked about Brackenpaw being abandoned. The badger, of course,

LIZ: I don't know, does he become more prominent later?

PAZ: Brackenpaw?

JULIAN: Who?

LIZ: Yeah.

PAZ: I cannot-- I literally cannot remember.

JULIAN: Yeah, I also super do not remember.

LIZ: Is there like, I don't know, like, just like a fanfiction that's like a day in the life of Brackenpaw? What's he do? Poor guy.

PAZ: I feel like maybe I remember this scene.

JULIAN: I don't see anything like super big that he does later, but.

LIZ: Aw. Okay, new Patreon goal. Listen, if we get to $420. I don't know what'll happen.

PAZ: Oh. Sorry, I'm just reading something. I forgot who he mentored.

JULIAN: There is a nice little sentence here, first paragraph. "He was apprenticed early with the name Brackenpaw, mentored by Graystripe. However, Graystripe neglected his duties." Hell yeah he did.

LIZ: Bitch.

PAZ: "And Brackenpaw's training was mostly completed by Fireheart." Uh-huh.

LIZ: Yeah.

JULIAN: Yep.

PAZ: That's right.

LIZ: It's definitely more apparent in these chapters like that the other cats are picking up the slack, too, which is nice, but.

JULIAN: Yeah, Whitestorm and the other guy are like, yeah, we're gonna take all the cats out, all the apprentices out for a hunt.

PAZ: School field trip.

LIZ: But is it like-- does it feel like, oh, I'm like a sixth grader, and these are all first graders?

PAZ: Yeah, that seems to be the vibe because Brackenpaw's like really upset about it.

LIZ: He can't talk about Fortnite with them. They're too young.

JULIAN: Oh shit, new pixel art of Graystripe just dropped.

PAZ: Oh shit.

LIZ: What?

JULIAN: I think this is new. I don't remember seeing this. He's all fluffy in this pixel art. From the Warriors wiki.

LIZ: Whoa.

PAZ: Whoa. Why's he so dark?

JULIAN: I know, right?

LIZ: No, it's because he's wet from being in Riverclan all the time.

PAZ: Of course.

LIZ: [snickers]

PAZ: What? Got that trap neuter return ear?

LIZ: I was just gonna say that. What happened to you, Graystripe?

PAZ: Maybe if his balls got cut off that would solve a lot of problems.

JULIAN: God.

LIZ: I think he'd still be a bitch. He didn't have a girlfriend when he was like, mm, I don't know about this Tigerclaw being a murder thing

PAZ: God, I can't get over that. I mean, there's a badger scene. There's Cloudkit getting his punishment.

LIZ: What is the level of sentience that badgers have here?

PAZ: I don't know.

JULIAN: Well. I mean, there's some stuff later. But I don't know about badgers in general.

PAZ: Yeah, I don't know if all badgers are sentient or not.

LIZ: Okay, well, the way you guys said that made me think there's like a special badger.

PAZ: No comment.

LIZ: Hmm.

JULIAN: I really love how much of this description is clearly copied from Wikipedia or like an encyclopedia article about badgers. I don't think that it's been revealed anywhere in the Warrior books that male and female badgers generally have the same head-body length falling between 56 and 90 centimeters.

LIZ: God bless.

JULIAN: I just don't think the cats are thinking in centimeters.

LIZ: Oh, they use inches?

JULIAN: Oh, there's a source for all this. Oh, it's revealed on animaldiversity.ummz.umich.edu. Yep.

PAZ: Of course.

JULIAN: I do love that they continue to use the revealed language for...

PAZ: It's so funny. I was reading about the supposed Warriors film and it was of course, all revealed on variety.com.

LIZ: Variety?

PAZ: Yeah.

LIZ: I see.

JULIAN: Oh, this badger looks so cute. There's a badger art from the badger from Secrets of the Clans, which is one of the Warrior guidebooks, and it has--

PAZ: Oh my gosh.

LIZ: Oh my god.

JULIAN: The roundest, softest face.

PAZ: Oh my god, I'm in tears.

LIZ: Oh my god.

PAZ: This badger looks like the picture of the cat who's been photoshopped to be crying.

LIZ: What has this badger seen?

JULIAN: Also, that's not a Eurasian badger. That's an American badger.

PAZ: Yeah, that is definitely not.

JULIAN: That's the wrong species.

LIZ: What the fuck's a Eurasian badger look like?

JULIAN: It's got the long--

PAZ: It's the classic like black and white striped one, right?

JULIAN: Yeah, so like if you look at the picture at the top of the wiki article, it's a badger with a much longer face with stripes that go all the way down. And that's a Eurasian badger, and the American badger has a much rounder babier looking face.

LIZ: What a sad looking little guy. What have you seen? Do you think the American badger's looking over at like England or whatever with its incredible Hawkeye vision like, oh, that poor little Brackenpaw. If it was me, I wouldn't have attacked a little baby kitten. Oh, those poor cats.

JULIAN: Oh, I'm sorry. I know we got to move off of the Wikipedia page, but I found an amazing picture of an American badger.

PAZ: Please.

LIZ: We'll post these badger pictures on the Twitter. Don't you guys worry.

PAZ: If we remember. Oh my god.

JULIAN: Look at that lad!

LIZ: Oh my God. Oh my god.

PAZ: Holy shit.

LIZ: This looks fake.

PAZ: This looks like they stretched the jpeg.

JULIAN: It's on illinois.gov.

LIZ: What?

JULIAN: It's on the Department of Natural Resources.

PAZ: [wheezing] What is-- what--

LIZ: Chunky.

PAZ: What's wrong with its head?

JULIAN: I mean, they fucking, they all look like this.

LIZ: Nothing. It's perfect.

JULIAN: Here's from the Encyclopedia Britannica.

PAZ: Oh my god.

LIZ: I didn't know they looked like this.

JULIAN: Look at him. There he goes, trot, trot.

LIZ: His powerful stance.

PAZ: They're so wide. I can't. They look like potatoes.

JULIAN: Absolute legend.

LIZ: That's how they make those tunnels. They just like wiggle.

JULIAN: Here's a European badger, just to like for comparison. We can-- I'm putting all these images in the chat so we can tweet them later. Just a long boy. Just a looong slinky boy.

PAZ: Yeah, that's a much less wide, wide lad.

LIZ: Very classic.

PAZ: Still very round nose.

JULIAN: Oh, here's one running.

LIZ: Oh my god.

JULIAN: Thank you Shutterstock. Thank you Shutterstock. Thank you whichever photographer hid out in a wild, in like a lane somewhere in England.

PAZ: Oh my god. Look at it go.

JULIAN: To catch this lad.

LIZ: Oh my god.

PAZ: It looks like--

LIZ: He go.

PAZ: You know the like boom mic on TVs that they--

LIZ: Yes.

PAZ: It looks like one of those.

JULIAN: Oh, I love him.

LIZ: What's that thing you keep telling me to get for my mic?

PAZ: Oh, a pop filter?

LIZ: Yeah. He looks like a pop filter.

JULIAN: I'm also seeing an image that says, it's a infographic about the differences between the European badger and American badger, but [laughing] the European badger is clearly a beaver.

LIZ: Wait.

JULIAN: Like, could not more clearly be a beaver.

PAZ: What?

LIZ: Wait a minute. Is this just a little nature joke? Little humor?

JULIAN: No, this is a whole... everything you need to know.

LIZ: Oh dear.

PAZ: Well, the first thing you need to know is that's not the European badger.

JULIAN: That's not a fucking badger. Oh, I know that this is clearly a content farm and someone just did a bad job. But this is a beaver. This is a beaver.

LIZ: This looks like a meme.

JULIAN: They do have it correct that none of these are good pets.

PAZ: No.

LIZ: True. God, look at that guy go. I can't stop looking at it. It's just running. Where's he going?

JULIAN: He has important business.

LIZ: Gotta go attack a baby. Heard that baby's an atheist.

PAZ: That's why the badger went for it.

JULIAN: The badger's here to enforce, uh. Oh, I'm sorry, I can't get over the beaver.

PAZ: Okay, we gotta move on.

LIZ: It's a badger.

JULIAN: We gotta move on. We gotta move on.

LIZ: A European badger.

PAZ: Cloudkit got attacked by a beaver.

LIZ: Just turns around and like, waps you.

JULIAN: Oh. Alright, what else happened in these chapters?

PAZ: I guess the next thing we didn't talk about, um, I mean we talked a little about... I guess Fireheart and Cloudkit have another little bonding scene getting the moss.

JULIAN: Yeah, that was cute. And then Tigerclaw's up to some shit again.

PAZ: Of course. Yeah, Tigerclaw going to Twolegplace to do nefarious things. There was a point where his pawprints were described as massive, which was extremely funny to me.

JULIAN: I love the image of Tigerclaw's just enormous big ol beans.

PAZ: Huge beans.

LIZ: Big ol beans compared to cats, though. How big could they be?

PAZ: Well, have you ever seen a cat with real, real big paw to body ratio? That's what I'm imagining. Like he's a big cat but his paws are even bigger.

LIZ: Yeah, but he could still fit in like...

PAZ: What if Tigerclaw's like a polydactyl? Is that what they're called?

LIZ: Oh, absolutely.

JULIAN: [gasps] Yes.

PAZ: Multiple toes.

LIZ: He's got thumbs so that's why he can commit all his crimes.

PAZ: It all makes sense.

LIZ: All dexterity. How did Tigerclaw kill all those other cats? He's got a gun.

PAZ: Holy shit.

JULIAN: I mean, he has been hanging out with all these back alley cats that smell like trash.

LIZ: These city cats.

JULIAN: This is how guns enter the rural English countryside.

PAZ: I love that Fireheart just keeps collecting evidence that Tigerclaw's evil, and he just can't do anything about it because Bluestar is useless.

LIZ: I just can't believe that in these chapters, there's that part specifically where he says Bluestar will know what to do.

PAZ: [snorts]

JULIAN: Right, it's like last-- well, I mean, I feel like he still thinks it's his fault, that he like didn't frame it right last time. Which is very sad.

PAZ: Yeah, but like, he tried to tell her twice. And each time she's been like, no,

LIZ: But it's definitely like being set up for that, right? Because this is very like his own perspective and it's gonna be a dramatic irony turn later.

JULIAN: Mm.

LIZ: Is that too hopeful?

PAZ: We'll see.

LIZ: [darkly] Mm.

PAZ: He does literally run into Tigerclaw.

JULIAN: He does. It's very funny.

LIZ: Right, he's like--

JULIAN: Bounces right off him anime-style.

LIZ: No, he's tailing him, right, and then he's like, oh fuck, but there's this mouse. Ooh, but I gotta--

PAZ: It's so funny. His little cat attention span.

LIZ: It's very video game, too. It's like, okay, main quest. Wait, fuck. Ooh. Mm. Give me a second.

PAZ: I'll be real quick. I just gotta. Yeah, there's a nasty cat smell. Princess shows back up. She's like, you're so thin.

JULIAN: She's like, hey, you're feeding my son, right?

LIZ: Princess having some second thoughts. It's like, maybe I should have gotten my fucking kid vaccinated before he went.

JULIAN: Maybe I should have let him reach like an adult size. Then his growth wouldn't be stunted.

PAZ: She's like, are you getting enough to eat, and Fireheart's just like, no. Doesn't even try to lie.

JULIAN: Imagine being Princess, though. It's like, your shithead brother comes back, is clearly malnourished, and you're like, oh my god, like, I have food at home. Come get some food. And he's like, I can't. The clan. It's like, buddy.

PAZ: He's just in a cult.

JULIAN: He's in a cult. She's trying her best to help him. Well, not really. She's not.

LIZ: Well, she--

PAZ: No, she gave her son to the cult.

JULIAN: She gave him her son.

LIZ: He could have just rolled in some garlic or whatever.

PAZ: Right? Didn't he roll in fox dung before? That was fine.

LIZ: Eat the Temptations.

JULIAN: Eat the Temptations. And then eat some like, I don't know, chives or something so no one can smell the Temptations, the sweet, sweet smell of Temptations on your breath.

LIZ: Just eat some catnip, damn.

PAZ: A single Temptation would kill a Warrior cat dead. Be overwhelming.

JULIAN: God, they really are just like medieval peasants out there in the woods, eating their bowls of gruel. If they got a single bite of tender ocean fish dinner, they would just keel over.

LIZ: Don't they make like beggin strips or whatever for cats now?

JULIAN: Mm-hmm.

PAZ: Probably.

LIZ: You think like the Warriors have a little, little pot of catgrass? I don't think so.

PAZ: No.

LIZ: Everything out there's poisonous.

JULIAN: Well, at the fancy boutique pet bakery in my neighborhood, because of course there is one of those, they do have whole dried fish treats.

LIZ: Wow.

JULIAN: That you can give your cat, if you I guess don't care about having to sweep up after them.

LIZ: Wow.

JULIAN: We have never given one of those to Chickpea because I think she would-- it would be too much for her.

PAZ: No offense to Chickpea, but she doesn't seem to have very discerning taste.

JULIAN: No, no, she really wants Cheez-its.

LIZ: Aw.

JULIAN: She wants Cheez-its so bad.

PAZ: I can relate. I could go for some Cheez-its.

LIZ: She does look like someone who loves to crunch.

JULIAN: Today she knocked-- she loves to crunch. She loves to crunch, and I love to hear her crunch, so it's a win-win. Today she climbed on top of the fridge, again, to try to get the food that is no longer there because we moved it. And she knocked over like the 12 pack of Coke that was up there.

PAZ: Oh my gosh.

LIZ: Oh my god. Does she even weigh 12 packs of coke?

JULIAN: No. Well, there were probably like five or six in there. Um, but she tried to jump on it and then obviously her momentum-- she didn't have great purchase on top of the fridge, so it fell off. I just heard a clatter and came out, and she was looking very, um, you know cats do when it's like, oh I didn't do that. I'm the most distinguished.

PAZ: Kip goes up on the top of our fridge and knocks things over on purpose. He'll like look at me, and knock it off the top of the fridge.

JULIAN: Real Cloudkit. Real Cloudkit energies on that one.

LIZ: Kip's an atheist.

PAZ: Absolutely. Wow. Chapter 10.

JULIAN: Chapter 10.

LIZ: Wait, wait.

PAZ: Oh, yeah?

LIZ: No, just, what if we got one of those like, you know those YouTubes that are always like me making a gourmet cat-friendly meal for my cats?

PAZ: Yeah?

LIZ: We just gotta do that. And I don't know. I think that that has more pull than Temptations, maybe. It's like I made you cat sushi, or I made you like a cat cake.

PAZ: Are you saying that's what'll get Fireheart inside?

LIZ: I think so.

JULIAN: He's got discerning tastes is what you're saying.

LIZ: Mm-hmm.

JULIAN: He needs that raw meat.

PAZ: He does.

JULIAN: What even happened in chapter 10? I just have a note, Whitestorm is a good guy.

PAZ: That's true. Was he even mentioned?

JULIAN: Which is accurate.

PAZ: Was that him taking out the apprentices or something?

LIZ: I think so, yeah.

JULIAN: I think that's where I've, yeah.

PAZ: I've seen a lot of, I think Whitestorm X Tigerclaw stuff on YouTube. I think that's right.

LIZ: That is very funny.

PAZ: I love Tigerclaw's many exes. First Redtail. Now Whitestorm.

JULIAN: Well, I guess the reason we don't remember anything from chapter 10 is it's literally eight pages long.

PAZ: Yeah, it's real short. Fireheart tells Bluestar that there's nasty cats over at Twolegplace, but can't tell her that Tigerclaw is there, because he's like she just won't believe me.

JULIAN: Then they go on a little patrol and they go to RiverClan, and the river's flooded. Uh-oh.

PAZ: It sure is flooded.

JULIAN: I guess that's the downside to having your camp in the middle of the river.

PAZ: Yeah, I wonder if their camp's doing okay.

JULIAN: Yeah. Uh-oh.

LIZ: Oh boy.

PAZ: Uh-oh. I didn't even think about that.

LIZ: Whuh-oh.

JULIAN: I'm sure it's fine that Graystripe is on this patrol.

PAZ: Listen, one time he decides to do work is when he's like maybe I'll see my gf on the way.

JULIAN: God.

PAZ: Please, what are you gonna fucking do if you do see her?

LIZ: He's so annoying.

JULIAN: Well, he's gonna have a double date with Sandstorm and Fireheart and him and his gf and also--

PAZ: Running whoever. What's that guy's name? Runningwind.

JULIAN: Also Runningwind is there.

PAZ: Wow. Fifth wheel Runningwind.

LIZ: Well, maybe Runningwind will find his own starcrossed like cat romance. Triple date. Yes.

JULIAN: There you go.

PAZ: Perfect.

JULIAN: Runningwind slash, who's in... Stonefur.

PAZ: Oh.

LIZ: What do we call that?

PAZ: Runningstone. I'm Googling Runningwind. Don't Google Runningwind, Liz.

LIZ: I'm never going to get into that fucking spoiler channel. What's going on in there? I don't know.

PAZ: Runningwind stories Wattpad. "This is my spin on Warriors: The Prophecies Begin, just with a reader insert. I do not own Warriors. I only own the plot points I use." Oh, here we go. Redtail x Runningwind. Ooh.

LIZ: What?

PAZ: Tell me more.

JULIAN: Ohh.

PAZ: I'm intrigued.

JULIAN: I think this is literally the first time we've seen Runningwind say anything onscreen.

PAZ: Okay, this is someone posting on the forums, "I am utterly baffled by this ship."

LIZ: Well, them saying that makes me want to be like--

PAZ: Oh, fuck this person. They say, "I understand the trans Redtail thing, but I don't really like it. But I don't really care too much." Still, die.

JULIAN: Well, I don't care about you. I don't care about your opinion.

LIZ: Well, yeah.

PAZ: Your opinion is horrible.

JULIAN: And I think Redtail is trans. This is the first I've heard of this headcanon and I would now die for it.

LIZ: Redtail is trans and gay.

PAZ: We've heard of trans Redtail before. Yeah.

JULIAN: Have we?

PAZ: Apparently Redtail-- yeah, that was that one Youtuber's name.

JULIAN: Oh my god, right. It's the YouTuber. I'm sorry.

PAZ: Apparently Redtail was a male calico so yeah, trans Redtail.

JULIAN: Oh!

LIZ: Hell yeah.

PAZ: Just like Hadesclipse.

JULIAN: Just like Hadesclipse.

PAZ: Redtail likes Hadesclipse. This is my self insert.

LIZ: You're gonna have to fight Runningwind.

JULIAN: I guess Runningwind has been here before on screen. I just forgot about him. He helped train Brackenpaw back in Fire and Ice when Graystripe was once again not doing his job.

LIZ: He's just like a nice fellow.

JULIAN: Yeah, he's just a guy.

PAZ: I do not respect the person who made this forum thread at all.

LIZ: Yeah, get outta here, OP.

JULIAN: Uh-oh.

PAZ: Yeah?

JULIAN: I've read some stories or some spoilers for, uh.

PAZ: Yeah?

JULIAN: For later.

PAZ: Well, how bad--

LIZ: Wait, hold on a second. Wait. How come Julian gets to do it and not me?

PAZ: Because Julian's read the books!

JULIAN: Cause this is all shit that I should already know, I just don't remember.

LIZ: Mm. Hmm.

PAZ: Listen, once we finish the Power of Three, you can go wild, because that's up to where we got to. I don't know what we were doing.

LIZ: Chapter 10?

JULIAN: Chapter 10. The eight-page chapter 10. RiverClan is flooded.

PAZ: RIP RiverClan.

LIZ: Oh, sorry. Go ahead.

PAZ: I was just saying RIP RiverClan.

LIZ: I do want to talk about the one thing where Tigerclaw's telling Fireheart to patrol and then Fireheart is like, oh, he's too smart to be hostile to me in public. But he is, though.

PAZ: Right? He's already been hostile to you many times.

LIZ: He calls you a little bitch like every single day in front of people.

PAZ: For real.

JULIAN: It's like, you don't really need to set Fire-- or set Tigerclaw up as like conniving because he's already been conniving. We've seen him be conniving. Part of his connivingness is that he calls you a little bitch every day, and you can't do anything about it because he's the deputy.

PAZ: It's not like-- his whole posse calls Fireheart a little bitch. Fireheart got called a kittypet like two chapters ago.

LIZ: Right? The problem is that people don't care.

JULIAN: Fucking Longtail and Dustpelt.

PAZ: Yeah, and Darkstripe.

LIZ: One of those is like someone's brother, right?

JULIAN: Dustpelt is Sandstorm's brother.

PAZ: No, no, no, no, no.

LIZ: No, wait.

PAZ: They were just apprentices. He's, um, I think he's technically Ravenpaw's brother.

LIZ: Oh, right right right.

JULIAN: Is he?

PAZ: Or something like that.

LIZ: Someone is Ravenpaw's brother.

JULIAN: Oh, I just assumed they were siblings because they were...

PAZ: But it's like, not really--

JULIAN: Oh, you're right. He is Ravenpaw's brother.

LIZ: Wild.

JULIAN: And he's Longtail's half brother.

PAZ: Bitch.

JULIAN: Oh, he's such a little bitch because Darkstripe was his mentor.

LIZ: Duh.

PAZ: Oh. Sorry, I just saw a spoiler for the.... Oh man.

LIZ: These cats. I think that's it though for the chapters, right?

JULIAN: Yeah.

PAZ: Yeah. Sorry. Sorry, Dustpelt had a son.

LIZ: What?

PAZ: Called Spiderleg.

JULIAN: [snorting]

LIZ: You can't do that. What about a cat is spidery?

JULIAN: Peyton's gonna be so angry.

LIZ: Please.

PAZ: That's incredible. I'm clicking Spiderleg's wiki page.

LIZ: Wait, I think Dustpelt should have eight children, no, nine children, and they should all be like Spiderleg 1, Spiderleg 2, Spiderleg 3, until you get to 8. And then you should have one just be like Spiderhead.

JULIAN: Oh holy shit.

LIZ: And then they can stand on top of each other like a mech.

JULIAN: Dustpelt is also Birchfall's father.

PAZ: Oh.

JULIAN: Birchfall of the bad name.

PAZ: I bet Peyton hates Spiderleg too.

JULIAN: Yeah, I guess, uh. Well, whoever the leader is the person who gave the leg name because Spiderkit is... I mean, it's a weird name. But it's a fine one.

LIZ: Oh God.

JULIAN: Oh, I hate that the pixel art here is this cat is looking directly at me. Usually the pixel art, the cat is kind of like, you know, three quarter view, like looking off into the distance. Spiderleg? Looking into my eyes.

PAZ: Sorry, what? Here's a quote caption. "Spiderleg annoyed with Dovepaw when she talks about brown animals." What?

JULIAN: What?

LIZ: Hey, Spiderleg, you, hey, what?

PAZ: What? Brown animals.

JULIAN: [yells]

LIZ: What is that noise you just made?

JULIAN: [hysterical laughter]

PAZ: Hold on. Just gonna screenshot this.

JULIAN: [creaks]

PAZ: If my phone will let me.

JULIAN: Oh God.

PAZ: It all comes full circle.

JULIAN: It really does.

LIZ: [laughing] Oh my god.

PAZ: I clicked "brown animals," and it took me to the beaver page.

LIZ: What does it mean?

PAZ: "Friendly? No."

LIZ: What does it mean?

JULIAN: Beavers aren't friendly?

PAZ: No.

JULIAN: "Relation to clan cats. If provoked they're able to kill a cat with their sharp front teeth."

PAZ: Holy shit.

LIZ: Is that true?

JULIAN: That has never happened.

PAZ: I do not think so.

LIZ: Wait. [typing] Can beavers kill cats. [gasps]

JULIAN: Beaver versus cat.

LIZ: "Beaver attacks can be fatal to domestic animals."

JULIAN: [gasps]

PAZ: Holy shit.

LIZ: There's a whole Wikipedia page for beaver attack.

PAZ: I never would have guessed.

LIZ: Oh, you gotta see this beaver. You gotta see the beaver they use. Look at him, looking at you.

JULIAN: Oh.

PAZ: Oh no.

LIZ: What the fuck?

PAZ: He's so round. I'm so scared.

LIZ: Got his little paws together like [evil laugh] I will.

JULIAN: A beaver has killed a man.

LIZ: What?

JULIAN: Yeah.

PAZ: "Relation to clan cats." Oh, go ahead.

JULIAN: Um, I mean, okay, so this is a 60 year old guy who grabbed the beaver, to take a photo with it.

LIZ: Oh my god.

JULIAN: And the beaver bit open his femoral artery.

PAZ: Oh, okay, he shouldn't have done that.

LIZ: Yikes.

JULIAN: So it was like, you shouldn't have done it. Also, it was like bad luck. It just happened to get the femoral.

PAZ: Here's what the Warriors wiki has to say. "Relation to clan cats. Beavers are known to be both inquisitive with cats, but also aggressive if provoked."

JULIAN: Oh my god?

LIZ: Well, how many beavers are they gonna see in England?

JULIAN: There are beavers in England.

PAZ: Yeah, there are beavers.

LIZ: Have we covered this? This feels...

PAZ: I feel like we have, yes.

JULIAN: I think we have. There's beavers in the Narnia book.

LIZ: Aren't they like-- isn't it that like beavers have been recently reintroduced or something?

JULIAN: Yes, we talked about this because they were hunted for their fur to almost extinction, and then they made a big comeback.

PAZ: To kill cats.

LIZ: Good for them?

JULIAN: Good for them. Aw, this is one sleeping and he's all curled up into his tail.

LIZ: I'm just looking at the list of non fatal attacks on humans by beavers.

PAZ: Get 'em.

LIZ: While you say this. Goddamn.

JULIAN: Oh, this image is too powerful for Discord.

PAZ: Understandable.

LIZ: Can you screenshot it?

JULIAN: Oh, I just posted the link, because it's 6000 by 4000 pixels.

LIZ: Oh my god.

PAZ: Aw. Have you guys seen baby beavers? They are an incredible shape.

LIZ: Oh yeah. Mm-hmm.

JULIAN: Oh, I don't think I have. Baby beavers. Listeners, I hope you enjoy our animal googling. Oh!

PAZ: They're just such a good shape. They're so fuzzy. They're so round.

JULIAN: Oh, they're so fluffy. Oh, I highly recommend everyone to Google baby beavers.

PAZ: Yes, please. There's some good videos on YouTube, I think.

JULIAN: Yep. They're so small. This is from I Can Has Cheezburger, a site I did not realize was still on the internet.

LIZ: I don't think it can die at this point. I think it's an establishment, right?

JULIAN: Here it is. Their Facebook page is actively posting things as of 47 minutes ago.

PAZ: On Facebook?

JULIAN: There's a listicle about 18 cats demonstrating their cat logic.

LIZ: [groans]

PAZ: Tigerclaw voice.

LIZ: Tigerclaw voice, debate me.

PAZ: I'll destroy them with facts and logic.

JULIAN: Wow.

LIZ: Also sorry, on my search for can beavers kill cats, like the fourth result is just the beaver Warriors wiki page.

PAZ: What do you call a baby beaver? Kits.

LIZ: Baby.

JULIAN: Aw.

PAZ: They're kits, too.

LIZ: [laughs] Can I-- oh my god. Can I give you some suggested searches from this?

JULIAN: Yeah.

LIZ: Okay. One. "Are beavers venomous?"

PAZ: No, that's a platypus.

JULIAN: I understand the confusion, though.

PAZ: Yeah, they're a little similar.

LIZ: Two. "How to survive a beaver attack."

PAZ: Run.

JULIAN: Don't get bitten in the femoral artery and you'll be good.

LIZ: Three. "Beaver bite force PSI."

JULIAN: Now what is the beaver bite force psi? I'm very curious.

LIZ: Let me check. 180 pounds.

PAZ: Holy shit.

JULIAN: That's a lot.

PAZ: Well, I mean they have to bite hard to take down trees, I guess.

LIZ: Goddamn.

JULIAN: Yeah, damn.

LIZ: Compared to a human's 88 pounds. Good Lord.

PAZ: We don't have shit.

JULIAN: That's pretty strong on humans, too.

PAZ: Yeah, I'm not biting that hard.

JULIAN: No wonder my teeth hurt all the time.

PAZ: I don't have anything else to say about these chapters.

JULIAN: Yeah, I think we've wrapped up.

PAZ: I forgot to decide on something to talk about.

JULIAN: I mean, we did talk about beavers for quite some time.

PAZ: We did.

[meow]

JULIAN: I wonder if-- okay, I'm gonna do a quick Google to see if... beaver roleplay.

LIZ: Oh my god.

PAZ: Oh my god. Beaver kids book.

JULIAN: Oh no, this is Narnia roleplay. That's not what I want. Beaver roleplay Proboards.

PAZ: Oh shit.

JULIAN: Beaver [sighs]. Yep, here we go. I found-- this is on the Disney Roleplay World.

PAZ: Disney?

LIZ: Oh?

JULIAN: Yeah.

LIZ: Beavers in Disney?

JULIAN: This is an Angry Beavers RP.

LIZ: What?

PAZ: Oh my god, that show. You don't know that show, Liz?

LIZ: No?

PAZ: I think it was a Nickelodeon cartoon. It was like the era of like, Catdog and such.

LIZ: Oh.

JULIAN: Yeah, it's a band of outcast beavers trying to take over the world, or take over the woods, sorry, not the world.

PAZ: Why not the world?

JULIAN: Holy shit, this is dark. Um, they are the young Zachs family. The head beaver, Jason, catches Treeflower. Kate, who was with her, isn't seen, but finds her mother dead after Jason kills her to send a message.

PAZ: What?

JULIAN: Is there a way to bring her back or stop Jason? Fuck!

PAZ: I hope so.

JULIAN: Oh, it's so much to read this very intensive, um, there are lions here?!

LIZ: What?

PAZ: I don't remember that.

JULIAN: This roleplay includes lions and bears. It's a lot to see this really intensive moment where this beaver is facing down lions. And she's screaming for her uncle, Daggett.

PAZ: Oh yeah, I remember. Yep, that was the name.

JULIAN: "'Mama, Daddy, Uncle Daggy-Waggy,' she screams."

LIZ: Oh my god.

JULIAN: Also a lot to see, um... is this Tyler Posey? Someone's shooting a gun at me in the gif.

PAZ: What?

JULIAN: In this signature about beavers.

PAZ: What year was this happening?

JULIAN: This was posted in 2014.

PAZ: That is much more recent than I would have thought.

JULIAN: Yeah, it didn't get off the ground too far. Only about 10 posts here.

PAZ: I wonder why.

JULIAN: Oh, no, I'm sorry, there's four pages of this. I'm just kidding.

LIZ: Oh my god.

JULIAN: Yeah, the final post is, "'Kate, it's time for lunch,' Norb called to his daughter." So I presume they--

PAZ: They survived.

JULIAN: They dealt with the lions.

LIZ: They went to lunch.

PAZ: Man, Warrior Cats needs to step up.

LIZ: This is riveting.

JULIAN: These beavers have sofas? I never watched the cartoon.

PAZ: Oh yeah, they live in like a-- I don't remember exactly.

JULIAN: Little house?

PAZ: Yeah.

JULIAN: Yeah, no, Kate's mom fuckin died. Rip Treeflower.

PAZ: Wow.

JULIAN: I am kind of surprised but there hasn't been like a big sprawling story about a society of beavers.

PAZ: Yeah, they also are like communal animals. Are beavers not interesting enough? I think they're cool.

JULIAN: Wait, hold up. What was the Redwall book? Oh no, those were otters.

LIZ: An otter is just a beaver that hasn't been flattened at the back.

JULIAN: Because I was thinking of Taggerung, which in hindsight was I think a little racist. But that was about otters and not beavers.

LIZ: You know that--

JULIAN: Are beavers--

LIZ: Oh, go ahead.

JULIAN: Are they evil in Redwall?

PAZ: Are they in Redwall?

LIZ: Beavers?

JULIAN: Oh, there are no beavers.

LIZ: Well, when was Redwall written?

JULIAN: Redwall wiki. "According to Brian Jacques, beavers do not appear in subsequent Redwall novels to reflect the fact that there are no longer any native beavers in Great Britain."

LIZ: Well. Wait.

JULIAN: "The solitary beaver is the only beaver in the Redwall series and was very rarely mentioned."

PAZ: Holy shit. Who's the solitary beaver?

JULIAN: He stopped Cluny from climbing up the wall in the first battle of the Late Rose Summer Wars.

PAZ: I want to know more about this guy.

JULIAN: And he uses a crossbow. Damn.

PAZ: Wow, apparently beavers have like, mate for life.

JULIAN: Aw.

LIZ: Aw.

PAZ: Wikipedia doesn't have a fictional beavers page.

JULIAN: Why? They have a fictional badgers page.

PAZ: Maybe there just aren't many fictional beavers.

JULIAN: Oh my God. I know this is not a Redwall padcast.

LIZ: Padcast?

JULIAN: Padcast. But I have found a tidbit of Redwall lore that is blowing the series wide open. Bees can communicate in Redwall.

LIZ: What?

PAZ: What?

JULIAN: "Indicated by a statement at the end of the books where the guerrilla shrews learn to speak the bee language so they can trade and argue. This is not noted in other books."

PAZ: Holy shit.

JULIAN: That means that if bees can communicate, half of the animals eat insects. Are they eating sentient insects?

PAZ: Ahh.

LIZ: Horrible. I hate that. What if you're like, God, I don't know, like a bird or mouse or whatever, and you just like, eat a cricket, and it's just like, [tinily] nooo.

JULIAN: [very small] I have a family.

LIZ: Gruesome.

PAZ: This is a problem when you make all the animals in sentient societies.

JULIAN: Well, I feel like Redwall tried to handle it by making all the carnivores evil.

PAZ: I've never read Redwall.

JULIAN: Yeah, they make most of the carnivores, like-- which is its own problem because then it's like these species are inherently evil.

PAZ: They just did Zootopia. I mean, I guess Zootopia did Redwall, is what I should say.

LIZ: With cops? Does Redwall have cops?

JULIAN: Um...

PAZ: They have like soldiers.

JULIAN: It's sort of like a medieval situation. So they have like soldiers, and like, there might be like a sheriff or something. There's not like the police.

PAZ: There's only 21 pages in the fictional beavers category.

LIZ: That's so sad.

JULIAN: That's so sad. That feels--

PAZ: This is an undertapped market.

LIZ: They have architecture. They feel rife for like anthropomorph-- word I can't say. You know, when they become little guys with little houses?

JULIAN: Hey, children's book editors, hot new idea, fictional story about beavers, species of beavers. They're-- not species, family of beavers. Society of beavers. That's the word I was looking for.

PAZ: That should be the next Erin Hunter endeavor.

JULIAN: Right? I guess maybe the concern is, while they do have a society and they do have little hands and they do build things, they don't attack each other and kill each other?

PAZ: That's true. No, but they're very territorial. Maybe they do.

LIZ: They can attack and kill us. That's gotta be something.

JULIAN: That's true.

PAZ: They probably have fights.

LIZ: Maybe it's like the next, you know, great civilization is one of beavers and they've got to fight the humans or something.

JULIAN: There you go.

LIZ: Terrible remnants of the last one.

PAZ: Beavers inherit the earth.

JULIAN: There was a beaver dam in the creek at home, and they were-- they did a lot. They really dammed up that creek.

PAZ: Yeah, they work hard. Okay, if Erin Hunter was to make a beaver series, what would it be called? So the bears one is called Seekers. I think the canceled dog one was like...

JULIAN: No, that's the Africa one.

LIZ: Designers. Planners.

JULIAN: Architects. Builders.

LIZ: Constructors. Oh, Creators.

JULIAN: Oooh.

PAZ: Ooh.

LIZ: There's also Devisors, which sounds a little, you know.

PAZ: Oh, that sounds like they'll be like little wizards.

JULIAN: Yeah, I like Devisors.

PAZ: Devisors is real good.

JULIAN: Survivors is the dog series.

PAZ: Oh, Devisors is a little close to Survivors. But I think it's still very good.

LIZ: Artisan.

PAZ: I want little wizard beavers.

JULIAN: Right? They're so ripe to be little magic guys. Little magicians. They got their little hands.

LIZ: I feel like every other creature that's vaguely in the shape of a beaver, which is like kind of a brown egg, has gotten that treatment already. Like, you know, badgers, which they're not really brown, but they're eh. Porcupine. I feel like I've definitely seen more porcupine than beaver.

PAZ: Yeah. Why are beavers so underutilized?

LIZ: Otters. Capybaras.

JULIAN: I don't think we've done capybaras.

PAZ: Friends at the Table has done capybaras now.

LIZ: I think someone's done capybaras.

JULIAN: I mean, maybe there's a children's book.

LIZ: Moles. Voles.

JULIAN: That's just Redwall.

PAZ: Yeah, those little guys are Redwall.

LIZ: A raccoon isn't brown but it does have little hands and is about the same shape, and they've definitely done those.

PAZ: There's like Sly Cooper, yeah.

JULIAN: Yeah. Ranger Rick.

PAZ: Justice for beavers.

LIZ: Let the beaver have its moment. It's basically like a water clan, right?

PAZ: Yeah.

LIZ: Okay, there should just be like a direct lifting of all the Warriors clans into just like beaver clan, badger clan. That's like--

PAZ: This is just Redwall. We're just reinventing Redwall with beavers.

LIZ: No, there's more than one beaver, because they've returned to England.

PAZ: You're writing Redwall fanfiction.

LIZ: I can make this an Arthurian beaver.

PAZ: Yeah, the beaver is Merlin.

JULIAN: Guinebeaver.

LIZ: Who's gonna play young hot BBC beaver Merlin?

JULIAN: Do you mean Beaverlin?

LIZ: Yes.

PAZ: You know, that might do it for us. I think we're-- [laughs].

LIZ: When we hit that 420 goal.

PAZ: Thanks everyone for listening to our podcast. You can find the show at Stairway to Star-- no, it's just, you can find the show @staircast on twitter.com. You can now support the show on Patreon at patreon.com/staircast. You can email questions or anecdotes or yell at us about talking about beavers too much, stairwaytostarclan@gmail.com. Um, next week we'll be reading chapters 11 through 14 of Forest of Secrets. I guess that's about it. So until next time, may StarClan light your path. Bye.

LIZ: Bye.

JULIAN: Bye.

[outro music]

LIZ: My God.

JULIAN: Oh.

LIZ: Hey, did you know beavertails are a kind of donut?

JULIAN: Oh, like a food?

LIZ: Yeah.

JULIAN: I was like, I thought you were talking about like a mathematical donut for some reason.

PAZ: Wow.

LIZ: That's me. I love to talk about math.

JULIAN: Like a torus. Anyway.

[royallyprincesslilly]

Title: Love, Maybe? {26}

Chris Evans X Reader OFC Vixen Giovanni

Warning: Cursing, Plot, Slow, Smoldering, Torturous Burn 😊

Word Count: 5K

Summary: After a night of drunkenness you wake up next to warm, hot as hell body, a migraine and no memory of the night before. When you come to realize that the hot body belongs to none other than Hollywood’s golden boy Chris Evans you freak out. As events unfold you become even more panicked to find out you got married in your drunken haze. What else is there to do but get it annulled, right? Before walking away, you share one more night of molten kisses and passion. Three years later you are still living with the repercussions of your brash decisions, but the surprises don’t stop there. The past has a way of coming back and have you questioning is this fate that you’ve been running from, hell could it have been love, maybe?

Note: Italic texts is an inner Vixen thought. Bold Italic texts is an inner Chris thought.

**Slightly Edited/Proofread**

***Interactive**

Thank you guys for reading!!!! If you enjoyed this please LIKE, COMMENT, REBLOG. 😊 ❤️  ❤️ ❤️

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chapter 26: Admittance Is The First Step

-Vixen-

  “What! She calls him da-da now?”

  You snorted at Nex as you continued going through the checklist and catalogs you were flipping through.

   “Vix, she said I see da-da and doder tomorrow. My jaw dropped, and I almost said the most disgusting curse word.”

   “Which one?”

   “Motherfucker.” You laughed loud, unable to keep it in any longer.

   “It’s not funny, Vix. I literally said mother lover what now.” You laughed louder; this was classic Nexus. When Ella came around she had the hardest time curbing that outspokenness, then when Ella started repeating she had to control it quick. She still had slip-ups though, and when she did they were hilarious.

“Then mom heard, and she got on my ass. God, how long is she staying?” Pinching your lips, you shrugged.

 It had been almost a week since your parents had been in town, and each day they looked like they got more and more comfortable. Ella loved them being there and them being there afforded you to work a little more while letting Nex have her freedom. Freedom she seemed to love, she was barely at home anymore, and you knew without a doubt she was with Anthony. Ever since his declaration the two of them were closer than ever, and you were over the moon for her. You also found it fascinating. Two people just met, hit it off, disagreed, fixed it, got their shit together and became a couple in less time than it took to grow out a perm. It said volumes about you, and you were desperately trying to turn it down.

   “God only knows. It can’t be soon enough because these dinners at Chris’ need to stop.” You whined out while flipping through the catalog. You were trying to make firm decisions on the décor of the restaurant. Tomorrow was the last day to submit everything so there would be no possible chance of a fuck up.

  “What’s wrong with dinners at Chris’? Isn’t he a multi-millionaire with a house worth millions that has like ten bedrooms and twelve bathrooms and an Olympic sized pool?” You rolled your eyes at Nexus.

   “That’s a bit excessive. It’s a modest five beds and eight baths, with an envious sized pool, an amazing kitchen, modernly and traditionally decorated and completely fitting for a bachelor.”

   “So, what’s the problem?”

  Realizing you weren’t going to get anything completed, you slammed the catalog shut to reveal a separate one. One that had party planning resources, you were also in the midst of planning Ella’s second birthday party. You had too much on your plate. Rubbing your forehead, you proceeded to tell her about the last three dinners at Chris’ house. You told her about the memories, how it was being smacked in the face by being in the same place Ella was made.

  Of course, Nexus laughed her ass off, which you expected she took joy in your pain and frustrations. After she thoroughly indulged in her laugh, she was empathetic. She listened to all your frustrations until you’d relieved yourself of everything that had been weighing you down since seeing him that fateful day outside his set. Once you were finished you felt a lot better—calmer.

   “Wow. That’s a lot, Vix.”

   “Tell me about it.” You took your coffee and took another mouthful of the semi-hot liquid. This was your fourth cup, and they all had an extra turbo shot. Nex took your cup and tossed it in the garbage can.

   “I think this is part of the problem of why you’re so wound up. No more coffee for the day.”

   “I’m so tired; I don’t sleep. I toss and turn all night and have wet dreams Nex; I need that coffee!” She looked at you as if you were some crack addict. You took a deep breath and slowly let it out.

   “Girl, you need more than a breath. The other part of the problem is you really, really, really wanna ride your baby daddy raw.”

   “Nex!” She laughed again, gripping her belly. Rolling your eyes, you got up and walked around the space of your restaurant and pretended to busy yourself with assessing the area.

   “Okay, okay, okay, I’m sorry. Eh-em, I’m done messing with you.  I know it’s not easy suppressing your sexual urges for someone you have imagined doing every dirty, filthy imaginable sex act to.” She had a faraway look on her face, and you knew she was talking about her and Anthony. Your face curved up in disgust.

  “Ew! I’m gonna be sick. Don’t confuse you and me now.” Nexus gave you that “bullshit” face, and you kissed your teeth turning your back to her.

   “The first step is admittance, Vix. You know this. You have to say the words.”

   Shaking your head, you walked away to another side of the restaurant. Nex was not having it with your avoidance, and she followed then stood beside you. “It’s the hardest part I know, but once you say the words out loud it’ll be easier. Everything will be put into perspective. Come on.”

   You sighed, then groaned loudly. “What do you expect me to say?”

   “The truth. This won’t work if it’s a lie. These are your steps Vix, come on.”

  She was right. These were your steps. You came up with them as a way to help her and some of your friends when they were struggling with men, work, life, you name it, and it usually worked. Be that as it may, you were in no rush to be the one to use them. When you glanced at Nex, she gave you and impatient look. You knew you wouldn’t get any work done; your head simply wasn’t in it today. You walked away from her and back to your seat.

   “I wish this were Miami. I should have never come back to LA.” You dropped into your chair, crossed your arms, and pouted like a child.

   “Oh come on, it’s not all that bad. If this were Miami, Ella wouldn’t have met Chris, a man who genuinely seems like he wants to be a good dad to her. Now she has yet another person in the circle of those who love her and would kill for her.”  You groaned and rolled your eyes as your hands dropped. She was right. Chris was head over heels in love with Ella, it was obvious, and she was quickly getting equally attached.

  “See, your daughter is happy.”

   “But I’m miserable, Nex,” you whined.

   “Say the words.” She sat there patiently and waited. After clenching your jaw for a few moments, you let out a defeated sigh.

   “I’m still attracted to him.” Nex didn’t look pleased. She tilted her head as if to say go on.

   “You gotta be kidding me, Nex.”

  She crossed her arms and added the look your mother had perfected. You couldn’t help but laugh. “Please don’t give me that look. You look just like her.”

  “I know it’s uncanny isn’t it.” Nex laughed with you but quickly stopped and pasted the look right back on her face. You groaned and shook out your body as if to get rid of the feelings.

   “I may, kind of, maybe, sort of want to—have—a little bit of sex with Chris.”  You rushed out toward the end. Nexus laughed again then slapped your knee.

   “Shut up. What the hell is a little bit of sex? It’s either full-on rough, dirty, wash your mouth out with soap sex or tame, boring doggy style sex.”

   “Wait, since when was doggy style tame and boring?”

   Nexus laughed again. You were only partly serious, but the fact that she was laughing spoke volumes. Her and Anthony got down. “Maybe I just want the tip.” You both busted out laughing again. There was no way you could take any of this serious, but the laughing did help.

   “I’m sure the last time started with just the tip to, then there was Ella.” You rolled your eyes. It had never started with just the tip. It was all or nothing. You groaned, remembering the sinful acts you did to one another, not one time but several times over a few days.

   “Finish it!”

   “Fine, I want to have the filthiest sex imaginable with him. I’m talking against the wall, on the balcony railing over LA, the sex that leaves you parched because your throat is coated with him, aching in every crevice and opening, bruised in places you never knew you could get bruised and unsure where your panties are; in the house, the car or left in the bathroom of some restaurant you had to fuck in. I want to fuck my kid’s father on serious level!” Once you shouted the words out, your eyes were wide as a full moon, and you didn’t feel any better. Nexus looked shocked.

   “Wait, your throat is coated? Eww, Vix, that’s just nasty.” You laughed loud again and dropped back into the chair.

   “See, better right?”

   “No. It is not better, Nexus. How in the world do I reconcile these--.”

   “Feelings?”

   “Urges. They are urges, not feelings,” you corrected. Nex rolled her eyes.

  “There is one way to reconcile them.” You stared at her waiting for her to continue. “Just do it!”

   She was the devil on your shoulder, the actual little fuck that told you to just indulge every whim and desire. She rarely ever played the voice of reason. All her advice centered around just doing whatever it was you were stressed about. Nexus’ motto was life is short, and since it’s short, I’m gonna do what I want for a long time. Yours, on the other hand, was life is short, and because it’s short let’s play it safe and prolong it for a long time. Similar but so very different.

   “You want to fuck him. He wants to fuck you. So just fuck. After you fuck you can figure the rest out. This sexual tension is way too intense. I don’t know how you’re getting any work done.

   “I’m barely getting work done.”

   “So you know he wants to fuck you,” Nexus accused.

   “Duh Nex. I know that.”

   “So put him out his misery, hell put yourself out your misery.”

   “There is a huge difference between wanting me and wanting me.” She took a deep breath, then sighed. She knew you were right.

  “He doesn’t want me. I know what it’s like for him to want to fuck me, been there, done that. We made a beautiful baby because of our want to fuck each other. I know how that ends.”

   You sat there quietly for several long moments. “You want him to want more than sex from you. You want him to like you, love you. Oh my god, Vix, you want to be with him, be with him.” You avoided her eyes as she spoke all the words you’d buried as deep as possible.  Before you knew it, tears were streaming down your cheeks. Nex came over to you and wrapped you in her arms. She didn't speak, and you were glad of it. You had no idea what else to say. Hearing the words out loud made you feel like such an idiot—a pathetic idiot.

   “Vix, tell him how you feel.” You snorted and dried your tears.

   “No, are you kidding. There is Ella now. We can’t just—we can’t do anything that’ll jeopardize her relationship with him. That would be so messy and unfair to her. I’ve already done so many things that are wrong. I don’t want to add to the list. Ella has to come first. ” Nex nodded. “Plus, there are no feelings remember. They’re urges.” Nex shook her head.

   “Hello!” You and Nex spun around to see your parents walking around with Ella in tow. You quickly dried any evidence of your breakdown, allowing Nex to be the one to greet them.

   “Mom, Dad, what are you doing here?”

   “Can’t we come down to see the progress? Are we barred?” Your mother’s exaggeration knew no bounds. You joined them and took Ella into your arms.

   “You are welcome, mom. Look around, tell me what you think.” Your father approached you and kissed your forehead, then joined your mother as they looked around.

   You gave them the tour of what would be where and how everything would look once set up, and as you walked around, you noted the look of pride on their faces. It felt good.

  “This is impressive, Vixen; I can’t wait for opening night,” your mother complimented. You looked at Nexus, who looked equally as impressed.

   “Thanks, mom.” She approached you and hugged you.

   “I know I’m hard on you, but it’s for a good reason. I just worry about you. Life is hard, and going through it alone makes it even harder. I just want you to have someone to share your successes with, share your fears, your pain. It’s not that I don’t think you’re capable of taking care of yourself. You’ve proven you can more than take care of yourself. I just want you to feel all of life’s true pleasures. Love is a major one.” She tapped your cheek, and you nodded.

   “I know mom.”

   “That’s what I like to see, my girls all getting along,” your dad chimed in. “Come on, group hug.”

  He closed in with his arms held out, encompassing you, your mother, and Nexus with Ella smushed in the middle.

   “Gwoop uug, yayyy!” Everyone laughed together; it was a sweet moment.

   “Hello? Vixen?” Everyone broke apart and looked in the direction of the voice. You knew who it belonged to, and panic began to bubble within you.

   “The door’s open. It’s me, Chris.”

“Da-da!” Ella pushed through all of your legs and took off toward where his voice was coming from.

  “Da-da?” Your mother and father looked confused.

   “Da-da!” As Chris rounded the corner, Ella crashed into his legs.”

   “Uuuffh.” He looked down with a broad smile on his face, then he bent and lifted her with one arm. “Hi there princess. How are you?” Ella nodded as she held on around his neck.

   “Where doder?”

  Chris laughed at her pronunciation of Dodger’s name. “Uh, he is not with me right now. I promise though, you’ll see him soon.”

   “Otay.” For the first time, Chris looked up and into all your faces. Yours was a horrified one; Nexus was one that said “yikes,” and your parents were between confusion and caution.

   “Uh—hi,” Chris began. “Am I interrupting? I hope I’m not. I was in the neighborhood and thought to drop by and bring you some food because I knew you were probably in one of your workaholic comas.” His words slowed down toward the end. He looked at all four of you and then to Ella.

   “Paw-Paw, Maw-Maw wook, da-da. Tay hi.” You closed your eyes and braced for the category ten hurricane that was about to rip through the room.

   “Vixen Star Giovanni, what in the hell is going on here? Why is Captain America here talking as if he knows you? More importantly, why is Ella calling him da-da?” You opened your eyes and saw Chris who looked as if he understood. You could see the remorse in his face. He knew he’d just outed you.

  “Vixen, answer your mother!” You took a deep breath and tried to swallow past the lump in your throat. There was nothing else to do now than just tell them the truth.

   “Um, mom, dad. Well--.” You’d gone over how to break it to them in several ways. You thought about coming right out with it, or slowly easing into it, or even alluding to it, but now half the band aid was already off. You decided to rip the remainder off to put everyone out of their misery.

   “Captain America is here because I know him. Damn it, I mean Chris is here; this is Chris, and I know him. He is Ella’s fa—ther.” Your parents looked at each other and then back to you.

   “You said you didn’t know who the father was,” your mother blurted out.

   “I didn’t say that. I simply just—alluded to it. you assumed, and I—let you.”

   “You lied to us, pumpernickel.” You cringed, he had to use your childhood nickname, it was like adding salt to the wound.

   “Um, well—I wouldn’t say it was a--.” You looked at their faces and saw they’d had it with your half-truths and alluding. You nodded.

   “I did. I’m sorry.”

   The silence in the room was palpable. “And where were you this whole time, young man? Do you have any idea how much you’ve missed? How could you abandon my daughter like that?”

   Your father stepped to Chris prepared to defend your honor. You rushed between them. “Dad, stop, please. He didn’t know.”

   “What do you mean he didn’t know?” You took one final breath to gain some courage.

   “He didn’t know. I never told him. he just found out a little while ago.” Your father’s eyes fell to yours, and you could see the disappointment, and it crushed you.

   “So you mean to tell me, you go to Vegas with your sister and get pregnant, then hide and lie about it for years?” Your mother's summary was sufficient. It really got down to the nitty-gritty of the situation. You nodded.

   “So you have a child with Captain America no less.”

  “His name is Chris, mom.”

   “Vixen, why didn’t you come to me. You tell me everything. I would have understood.”

   “Dad, I didn’t even understand. I—I was ashamed, I was hurt. I—it was easier to just push it away and pretend like it never happened, and I guess I did too good a job of it,” you candidly explained.

   “Did he hurt you? Did you hurt her?” You put your hand on your father’s chest to keep him back.

   “Dad, it doesn’t matter anymore. He is Ella’s father. I’m sorry I lied, I’m sorry you found out this way. I have been trying to tell you since you got here. It’s kind of harder to disappoint my parents than I thought.”

   Your father hugged you, and you did your best to hold tight to your emotions. “We’re not disappointed. You could never disappoint us.” Your mother approached your side and touched your shoulder.

   “Don’t be dramatic, Vixen. We’re shocked, that’s all. Shocked, but we still love you the same.”

   You dabbed at your eyes. “I mean he’s Captain America, much better than what we imagined. We imagined some struggling DJ by night and bartender by day. You did good.” You snorted, her timing was impeccable as always.

   “No cwy mama.” You sniffled and wiped your tears and turned to Ella with a wide smile on your face.

   “Mama’s not crying, see.” She reached for you, and you walked over to take her. From the peak you took, Chris looked not only frozen but in pain. Your father approached him again and held out his hand.

   “Carmine Giovanni.” Chris nodded and quickly took your father’s hand shaking it.

   “Chris Evans, sir.”

   “Nice to officially meet you. I’m sorry about before.”

   “No worries, sir, it’s understandable.” They nodded, and your mother approached.

   “My wife, Soleen.” Chris took her hand and shook it as well.

   “Nice to meet you, ma’am.”

   “So well mannered. It’s nice to meet you as well. I sure hope you brought enough for all of us,” she joked.

   “I don’t think so, but it’s nothing a delivery order can’t fix.”

   “Good, join us then.” Your mother looped her arm through Chris’ and led him further in to the only table in the place. You looked at Nexus, who widened her eyes at you as she approached.

 “That wasn't that bad.” You rolled your eyes and followed them.

For the next fifteen minutes, the five of you; six, including Ella, sat through inquiries about Chris’ career. Their questions weren’t too bad, but you could imagine Chris felt awkward. Still, he answered anything they asked without so much as a hint in his voice to any agitation. When the food arrived you were thankful because you thought it would keep everyone's' mouths too busy for talking. You were proved wrong ten minutes into eating.

   “So, Chris seems things took a pretty quick and dramatic turn for you in the last few months,” your father tested.

   “Yes, sir, they did. I was not expecting any of this.”

   “Oh, so you wish you’d never found out, so things could have remained how they were for you?”

   Chris looked cautious as he studied your father. “Uh no, sir. That’s not what I meant. I’m glad I found out, glad that I know.”

   “Why? Are you planning on fighting my daughter for custody?”

   Everyone’s actions fell silent, and Chris looked at you. You avoided his eyes. “No, sir, I have no intention of fighting Vixen for custody. I don’t see a reason to do that. She’s—your daughter is a great mother to Ella, I’ve seen it, and I don’t want to change anything or upset any balance.”

   “So, what do you want?”

  “To be involved. I want to get to know her, her to get to know me, my family. I just want to be in her life.” The two men studied each other. You could feel the tension, and you wanted to step in, but you didn’t know what to say.

   “Carmine, reign in your testosterone, please. Chris, he means well. God blessed us with daughters, and because of it he is their pitbull, Ella’s included.

   “I understand, ma’am, and I get it. I wouldn’t expect anything less. You love them. I understand it a lot better today than I did six months ago. You’d do anything to protect them, same with me. I’d do anything to protect them.”

   Your heart lurched.

   “Did he mean me too?”

You looked over to Nex, who looked as if she also heard what he said. She was looking at you probably wondering the same thing

   “As long as we understand each other. Welcome to the family.” Chris smiled and nodded then looked to you. Your eyes met for a few moments before Ella drew your attention to her.

   Another uncomfortable hour passed, then your parents left with Ella in tow and Nexus trailing behind them. Her excuse was she had things to do, but you knew she was lying. As you closed the door behind them and locked it to make sure no more uninvited visitors came by you turned and walked back inside the restaurant to see Chris still sitting there. He was watching you with an intense contemplative look etched on his face. It was as if he were looking right through you. Clearing your throat, you stood behind one of the chairs.

   “Are you okay?” He didn’t answer; he just kept looking right through you. “Look, I’m sorry about my dad; he is super protective of Nex and me. I didn’t mean for him to--.” You trailed off realizing he still had yet to acknowledge anything you’d said.

   “Okay, then. Are you angry?” You saw the clench in his jaw, and your nerves rose.

   “Chris?” You nodded, taking that as your answer. “Okay, I get it. You have every right to be angry.” You turned away from him and walked to where you had the binders.

   “I’m sorry, I’m not angry. I was—lost in my own thoughts,” Chris said as he approached you.

   You studied his face unsure if he were telling the truth or not. He looked genuine, but the fact was you still didn’t know very much about him, certainly enough to know whether or not he was being truthful.

   “Okay.” You looked back to the binder that held the party planning details.

   “What’s all that?”

   “Ella’s second birthday party planning is in full effect. I didn’t plan on being in LA for it but either way she still deserves a party.”

   “Let me help. You look swamped. I’d be happy to take something off your plate.” That sounded nice; you couldn’t lie.

   “What are you good at?”

   Caught off guard, Chris stammered, then scoffed and smiled. “Um, well—wow never really been asked that before. I guess—talking.” You laughed loudly and pinched your lips.

   “You’ve literally been talking your entire life,” you joked. He nodded in agreement.

   “You’re right, I have. Guess that’s why I can’t seem to shut up.” You smiled again. “Except around you, you take all my words, leaving me speechless.” Caught off guard by that candid admission, you just stared at him.

   “That’s not true.” It came out as a whisper; you were breathless.

   “Embarrassingly enough, it is, painfully true. I don’t know there is just something about you that makes me think and think and overthink what I’m going to say or want to say or should and shouldn’t say.”

   “Why not just say it all?” He smiled and nodded as if he hadn’t thought of it.

   “Do you always say it all?” You stifled a laugh and pinched your lips together.

   “In business, yes. I am very vocal there, some would say bossy, but I say vocal.” Chris laughed.

   “What about other than business? Personal, maybe?” You sucked your bottom lip into your mouth and held it there, thinking about his question. Most of you said open up, see where it took you, so you did.

   “Not so much.” Chris nodded but kept his eyes on you. You didn’t break the eye contact.

   “I’m sorry for outing you.” You snorted.

   “It’s okay. I should have told them days ago.”

   “They took it well. Your mom isn’t so bad.”

   “What do you mean?”

   “In Vegas, you said she was always on your case about settling down that she always made you feel like you were incapable of taking care of yourself or you had no worth unless you had a man beside you.” Your jaw dropped.

   “I said that? All of that?” Chris nodded. You couldn’t believe you told him all that, let alone that he remembered.

   “I’m an actor. I have a great memory.” Your curiosity piqued, and you wondered if he remembered everything he said. Quickly he looked away from your eyes and back to the binder.

   “When I told my family about Ella, they asked when they could meet her. I didn’t give any precise dates, but maybe it works our great with her party.”

   “I’m not following.”

   “How would you feel about having her party in my hometown. That way, we can get out of LA, keep it under the radar, my family can meet you, and her and our families can interact.”

   Panic set in, and you hoped your face didn’t show it. “Like one big happy family, huh.”

   “I mean, that’s what we kinda are, right?” You didn’t know why you felt so scared, but the fear was all-encompassing.  “If that’s too much or not cool say the word. It was just a thought.”

   “I just—I don’t think it’s such a good idea that they meet me.” Chris looked confused.

   “What? Why? Of course, it’s a good idea. They have to meet my--.” He stopped himself in his tracks.

   “Your what? Ex-wife, and baby’s mama who lied to you for three years and kept your daughter from you? How is that a good idea? They’re going to hate me.”

   Chris’ hand shot out to take yours. “Stop it. They will not hate you.” You rolled your eyes and tried to take your hand back.

   “Yes, they will, and you know it.” Chris held firmly to your hand.

   “No, they won’t. I won’t let them hate you. How can they hate you when I don’t hate you. I’m past it, I’ve forgiven you.” You looked shocked.

   “What?”

   “Why do you look so surprised? Yes, I’ve forgiven you, Vixen. I understand I am not resentful about it. I’ve had a lot of time to think and reason with myself and see things clearly. I don’t hate you, and they won’t hate you. Once they see what an amazing mother and person you are they’ll love you just as much as I--.” He looked down and cleared his throat. “As much as I’m sure your family loves you.” For a moment, your heart flew into your throat, but you didn’t know if what you felt now was disappointment or relief. You looked to his hand that engulfed yours and breathed out.

   “Can I think about it?”

   “Absolutely.” Chris pulled his hand back from yours reluctantly, but his fingertips lingered with yours. You didn’t move, the static electric shock you felt though it made the butterflies in your belly take flight; it also felt strangely comforting—right even.

The next several minutes passed with no words or movement. It may have been strange just to sit there touching your baby daddy’s fingertips and staring into his ocean-deep eyes, but to you it felt easy like Sunday mornings. When you felt you couldn’t do it any longer you pulled your hand back and broke the long gaze. You began packing up and soon walked to the door with Chris following behind you.

   “In order to not jinx ourselves, I think you’ll be safer if I say goodnight here,” Chris said. “I want to walk you to your car, but--.”

   You smiled and nodded and touched his hand unintentionally. Your eyes met again. “It’s okay. I know your mom raised a gentleman. It’s fine; you’re just a danger to my privacy.” He smiled and nodded but didn’t look as if he liked that fact.

   “Call me if you need anything.” You nodded, and he walked out first. You took a deep breath and tried to slow your pounding heart. You had to find a way to get these feelings under control, or you would end up doing something stupid—yet again.

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[ana-deaky]

Where's Daddy? || John Deacon x Reader

A/N: The story is based on a true story and you'll know the story when you read through. Comment or just message me if you want to be tagged in future short stories.

************************

"You have to come at 3 to help me get ready. I know you won't forget about it, just reminding you, love.", said John over the phone.

"I'll be there as soon as I pick up the kids. It's okay for the kids to come along, right?", you asked.

"Yes. Others are coming with family too, why not us? I gotta go. See you soon, love.", Deaky said. "Byee", you said hanging up.

You went to your bedroom to get your makeup even though the set is providing it. You also took a couple of snacks for the kids to have on the way to the set. You knew it was going to be a long day since it was shoot-day.

You reached the set at around 3. Your son, Joe(10), walked ahead of you and you held both your son daughter Taylor(8) and Lea(4) on each hands as you walked towards the set. The hallway to the makeup area was where you saw Freddie and Roger in skirts posing for the photos being as goofy as they always were. Freddie noticed you first and walked towards you to hug you.

"Y/N darling. You're just on time.", said Freddie. "Hey Freddie", you replied hugging back, "Don't you two look good in the skirts", you said looking at both of them. Roger was on one knee talking to the kids. "Thank you darling. You should see Belisha.", said Freddie. "Belisha?", you asked. "Your husband, darling. He's down the hall. 3rd room in the right.", Freddie said. "I'll take the kids to the other kids.", said Roger and you stopped down to the kids and said, "You guys be good. Don't break anything ok?", you said and turned to your son, "Joey, take care of your brother and sister, ok?" and you walked away blowing kisses to the kids.

You knocked the door twice. "Come in", said Deaky from inside. You opened the door and poked your head inside to see Deaky on the chair and a hairdresser fixing his wig and walked towards Deaky. "Hello love", Deaky said and you stooped down to give him a kiss, "If you were a man, I'd totally take you home.", you said jokingly lightly swatting Deaky's shoulder.

"George, meet my wife Y/N. Y/N this is George, my hairdresser", said John. "Nice to meet you, Mrs. Deacon.", said the boy extending his hand. "Call me Y/N.", you said shaking his hand. "I'm done here, John", said George and left the room.

John stood up to give you a kiss when you pulled away with right hand over his shoulder and told showing your wedding ring, "Excuse me, lady. But I'm married.", you told. "It was funny at first.", John said. "You're stuck with me and you have to laugh at my jokes.", you said giving him a quick peck on his cheek.

"Let's get you ready. Please resume your position, Mr. Deacon.", you told waving your hand to the seat. "As you say, Mrs. Deacon.", Deaky said taking his position. "Keep still for me", you said. "That's what he said", Deaky said. "You and your jokes", you said resuming putting on the powder. "Where are the kids?", John asked. "Roger took them to the other kids. They barely see each other with school and everything", you said. "True.", said John and asked, "Do they know about the drag?" "Joe knows I think.. Taylor too... Baby Lea is too young to understand. She'll know when she sees Daddy.", you said.

A few minutes later, George and Jim came in, "Don't you look wonderful.", said Miami. "Thank you.", said Deaky. "We start in 15.", said Miami and left with George.

"Here you go", you said handing over Deaky his dressing gown. "Honestly I didn't think I'd be attracted to you in this state. Oh my! Did I say that out loud!", you said. "I am so gonna note that", Deaky said and you gave him a cheeky grin and said, "Come let's go see the rest."

The both of you walked down the hallway to enter the room near the set. Chrissy was fixing Brian's hair and doing final touch-ups. Freddie and Roger was still being themselves but in the full costume and make-up. The kids were playing on the other end of the room.

"Wow look at you all!", you said, "You guys make very good girls" "Stating the obvious but thank you.", said Freddie. "Excellent idea, Roger! Looking good as ever.", you said. "What can I say, was blessed with the good looks", said Roger with a smirk. "Don't get ahead of yourself, Rog", said Brian. "Now if the wives could leave the girls to me, I need to have a word with them.", said the Director.

The kids were overly excited to see each other to notice you after quite a long time. You were deep in conversation with Chrissy and Dominique in the same room when baby Lea came running to you, "Mommy, where's Daddy?", she said with her puppy eyes. She was always a Daddy's girl after all she was their one and only baby girl. You told her pointing to the small crowd saying, "Daddy is right there talking to Uncle Brian, Roger and Freddie. Why don't you go play with them?" "I want to see Daddy", she said almost crying which is something you didn't want her to do and as if on cue, the boys were coming. "Okay. Daddy's coming. Go say hi to him.", you said to Lea and she almost instantly ran to the crowd. You turned back to talk with the other ladies when you heard Lea crying and your heart leapt to your throat thinking she took a fall. There she was standing with her tiny little hands rubbing her eyes and her dad and uncles surrounding trying to console her as you turned around.

"What happened, baby girl?", you said kneeling down on the ground as your toddler hugged you still crying. "I.... can't find... Daddy", she said heaving in between. "Sweetie, Daddy is right here.", you said showing her to Deaky. "Come to Daddy", said Deaky extending his arms. "No that's not daddy. That's a grandma", Lea told still crying. "No baby, Daddy is dressed like a grandma. It's like Halloween for Daddy and your uncles", you said trying to console her. "Come here, babygirl", Deaky said still hands extended and Lea looked at you. "Daddy would cry if you don't go to him.", you told your daughter faking a sad face. "Don't cry, daddy", Lea said hugging her daddy. "Oh Daddy's happy now. See..", said Deaky giving his toothy grin, "Give daddy a kiss", he said showing his cheek and his toddler kissed him on the cheek. "Now daddy's gotta go baby. See you after the take ok? Be a good girl for Mommy ok?", he told pressing a kiss to her forehead and gave that crinkly smile.

[stormtrprinstilettos]

Fun’s For Free - Chapter 7 (Roger x Reader) (smut)

Summary: It’s 1978 and you’re assigned to follow Queen on their North American tour to promote their new album. Only problem is the magazine you write for has not been kind to the band in the past, and someone has a hard time letting go of that fact.

Series Masterlist Here

In this “episode”: FFS, Roger.

Word Count: ~5.2k

Warnings: The entire series is language & smut so 18+

[A/N: Here we go. Shit’s gonna get real now.]

November 22, 1978 – Nashville, Tennessee

“All I’m saying is that if we change the set list it’s going to ruin the whole show,” Brian says, standing his ground to Freddie, who for some reason wants to mix things up for the show tonight. “We’ve got everything down to a science and…”

“And it’s boring me,” Freddie complains. “It’s the same thing every night and it’s boring.”

You’re smirking as you listen to them, finding the whole argument amusing. Like Daisy told you back in New York, they’re bitchy and that makes them hilarious. Your eyes glance up and you see Roger, wearing sunglasses, his hair completely disheveled, wearing the same clothes he was yesterday, walking to the table, with his arms around some chick you’ve never seen before and your stomach drops.

“Late night?” Brian asks him, clearly pissed off, before he glances across the table to you with his brows furrowed.

Roger and the mystery chick sit at the table and he starts to chuckle. “Well, you know how it is sometimes, eh Bri?” He puts his arm around her again. “Lisa here kept me up late.”

“My name is Lacie,” she snips. “Lacie, for the millionth time.” Now Freddie is looking at you too, trying to figure out how you’re going to react. “At least you’re not calling me Y/N anymore I guess,” she grumbles. Freddie starts to laugh loudly and you look up at the ceiling, not sure if you’re pissed, hurt or amused by it all and Roger’s arm quickly moves away from her.

“So, Lacie, where’d you meet our Rog?” Brian asks, clearly trying to make Roger more uncomfortable than he already is.

“I work here. At the bar,” she giggles. “He came in last night for a drink and I cheered him up.”

“There isn’t some ‘no patronizing with the guests’ rule here?” you ask.

She shrugs. “Probably, but I don’t care,” she says as she grins at Roger before looking back to you, holding out her hand. “What’s your name?”

You grab her hand and shake it. “Me? I’m Y/N,” you smirk. “Nice to meet you.” You keep your smirk as you glance over to Roger and pull your hand away. “Excuse me, but I’m going find something more important to do.” You stand up from the table and walk away, and Brian quickly follows you.

“Hey, you okay?” he asks as he gets next to you.

“Why wouldn’t I be?” He gives you a curious look. “He’s…” Your eyes start to well up, either out of sadness or anger – you’re really not sure, nor are you sure why you’re feeling any emotion about all of this – and you fight them back. “I’m tired, Brian.” He knows what you mean. You’re not sleepy tired. You’re mentally tired. “I think I just need to be alone right now.” He gives you a sympathetic look, trying to decide if he wants to leave you alone. “Really, I’m fine. I’ll see you at soundcheck, Okay?” You force a smile and head to your room.

You were at the arena in time for soundcheck but you couldn’t bring yourself to go sit out there. You couldn’t face him. You couldn’t even allow yourself to think about him because it turned you into a massive ball of emotion – emotions you didn’t want to have. Not for him. Not for anyone, but especially not for him. He showed himself to you, you thought. You told yourself that he was probably only being nice to you to keep you close enough to dish out sex whenever he wanted it. So that was it. No more. No matter how much you wanted it, if the chance ever presented itself to you, you were done. No more of this thing – whatever it was.

The door to the dressing room flies open and Roger storms in, not noticing you sitting there at first, but when he does you hurry and get up to walk out. You don’t speak to him. You don’t even look at him. But he looks at you and watches you rush out of the door, not even giving him the chance to make an asshole comment. You run into John – literally – as you leave, apologize for doing so, but he grabs you before you can make your getaway.

“Nope, you’re talking to me,” he giggles as he pulls you aside. “You don’t have to talk to anyone else, but you’re talking to me.” You sigh and take a seat on the floor and look up at him. He plops down right next to you and nudges your shoulder. “I heard about what happened this morning.” You glare at him, letting him know that you really don’t want to talk about it, but he ignores your silent plea. “I can’t believe he was calling her your name,” he says, his laughter loud. “And then you introduced yourself! I wish I could have seen that.”

You can’t stop your laughter anymore. “Yeah, it was priceless. My only regret is that I didn’t stick around longer.”

John pulls a cigarette from his pocket and hands it to you before taking one for himself, lighting yours before his. “Fred and I want you to come on the road with us all the time, even if it’s just to sit there and look pretty, because it’s funny watching Roger squirm.”

“I think I’m going to need a vacation when this one is finished,” you giggle. “A nice, long, relaxing vacation.”

“Rumor has it Miami wants another reporter with us when we go to Japan in April,” he says with a sneaky voice. “And I hear people have asked him if he can get you…”

“Oh God,” you groan, stopping him before he can finish.

“You love us, really,” he laughs. “And you’re fun. We like having you with us.”

“Maybe you do,” you smirk. “But I don’t know if…” Roger storms out into the hallway, yelling for John, not seeing him sitting on the floor next to you. You point to Roger and whisper. “I don’t know if he does.”

“Oh, he does,” John whispers, amused. “He won’t admit it, but he does.” He stands up and gets Roger’s attention. “I’m right here, Rog.” Roger turns around and sees you standing next to John.

“Fred’s looking for you,” Roger tells him. John walks in the dressing room, but Roger stays standing there, and the two of you get locked in a stare.

“Y/N… I mean, Lisa… Damn, I mean Lacey didn’t want to come tonight?” you snark. “Or is she old news? Want to find someone else instead?” He opens his mouth to say something, his face twisted into anger, but nothing comes out. His expression quickly changes, too, realizing that he has absolutely nothing to be angry with you about. “Hmm,” you chuckle. “I’m sure there’ll be someone floating around here that’s good enough for you soon.” He gives you an agonizing look, wanting so much to say something, but he can’t find the words. You, on the other hand, don’t let on that you’re torn up inside. “Have a good show, Roger,” you say as you walk past and head outside.

After the show, everyone piles on the bus to ride six hours to the next stop. You quickly take your regular spot away from everyone else, saying nothing as you pass them by, hoping like hell they leave you alone. You’re not in the mood to talk to anyone. You’re really not even in the mood to hear anyone, but you know it’s not going to be a quiet ride. They were still riding high on adrenaline, and if the other nights they were like this was any indication, it was going to be a loud six hours. You glance up and see Roger walking on the bus with a girl, grunt internally and focus on your notebook and pen. Before you start to scribble your notes, you hear Freddie and John yelling at Roger that no company was welcomed to join the group. “Not tonight!” Freddie yells. “It’s just us tonight, Rog.”

“Then shouldn’t Y/N be relegated to one of the cars?” Roger yells out.

You grab your purse and notebook and start to walk off the bus, but Brian grabs your arm and stops you. “No, she’s not going to be relegated to anywhere but here,” he fusses. “You want to bring your friend along? You go ride in one.”

“No, I’ll go,” you say. “I don’t particularly feel welcomed here.”

Freddie stands up to block your path and turns to Roger. “I don’t know what the fuck is going on with you two now but I’m not standing for another second of it.” He looks at the girl and smiles. “Darling, I’m sorry, but there’s no room for you on the bus.” He turns his gaze to Roger, who is looking at the girl and shrugging his shoulders, making her storm away in a huff. The driver closes the door and Brian guides you back to your seat.

You throw yourself down and stare out the window. One more month. A whole month left on this tour and for the first time you don’t know if you’re going to make it. This last month has been nothing short of a whirlwind, and you thought you had gotten past the worst part unscathed, but now you’re wondering if the worst is yet to come. “Hey,” Brian says as he sits next to you.

“Hey,” you say with a small smile as you turn and look at him. “What’s up?”

He smiles softly. “Just want to make sure you’re alright.” You nod yes and he pats your arm. “You’ve been with us long enough to know how he can be.”

“Yeah,” you chuckle. “I’ve grown quite immune to his bullshit,” you giggle. But really, this time you’re taking it personally. But you’re also hiding it very well. Brian goes to join the others and you’re finally left alone, just like you want to be, turning your focus on your notebook as you start to jot your words down.

November 23, 1978 – St. Louis, Missouri Roger has been quiet, not speaking to anyone and staying to himself. Everyone has been, really, after the minor blow up on the bus last night. There was no tension, no awkwardness, just a different vibe than before. You knew it would pass. Maybe everyone was tired of the monotony of being on the road. You’re not sure, but you’re not letting it consume your thoughts. You’re here to do a job, and that’s what you’re going to do. You also convinced Mike to fork out money for a plane ticket, which will give you a three-day break from everyone, since you’ll be skipping the show in Richfield and flying straight to Cincinnati tomorrow afternoon.

As always, the show went off without a hitch and everyone perked up. Even you. You often felt almost the same adrenaline rush they did, but tonight it even cheered you up. It cheered you up so much you even joined the guys at the hotel bar, something you haven’t been doing lately, trying to keep yourself sober because you meant it when you told yourself that “it” was not going to happen with Roger again.

The alcohol was flowing tonight, though, and you were taking advantage of it. The music was good, too, and you were enjoying dancing around like an idiot with John. One of the crew members was enjoying watching you, and he made every bit of effort to get as close to you as possible. You didn’t mind. He was cute. You didn’t know his name, but that wasn’t important. Roger was watching you like a hawk, his eyes taking note of your every move. You didn’t notice like you did when he was doing this in New Orleans. You didn’t notice because you convinced yourself that you didn’t care. Not anymore. You didn’t notice until the nameless crew member’s hand touched your hip and Roger came swooping in like the hawk he was being, pulling the guy away from you. “She’s off limits,” he tells the guy with an angry look as he pushes him back.

“Really, Roger?” you yell. “What the fuck are you doing?” The look on his face lets you know that he doesn’t even know why he did that. You roll your eyes and walk away from him, but he follows.

“Y/N, wait!” he calls out, but you keep walking, heading for the elevator. When you walk in, he hurries and walks in behind you, letting the doors close and watching you stand in the corner with every ounce of frustration you’re feeling right now emanating from your body. You walk up to press your floor’s button but he stops you. “Fucking talk to me,” he says.

“Don’t you dare turn this all around on me like I’m the one at fault this time,” you seethe, pushing your way past him to press the button. “You’re the one who walked out, not me.”

“Can I explain why…”

“No,” you cut him off. “I am here to write an article about a band. I am not here to have drama with the fucking drummer.”

“Maybe the fucking drummer is trying to figure out why he feels completely defenseless whenever you’re around.” You glare at him, not fully comprehending what he’s trying to tell you. “Jesus, Y/N, I don’t know how to handle any of this.”

The elevator door opens and you walk out, leaving him standing there alone. “Find me when you do,” you tell him. “Stop playing your stupid little game with me.”

The door starts to close, but he holds his hand out to stop it. “This isn’t a game.”

“Yes, it is,” you tell him. “You won. You got to fuck me. Congratulations.”

He walks out of the elevator and pushes you into the hall. “You think that’s all I wanted? Like you were some conquest?”

“Of course,” you smirk, your tone sarcastically dry. “And that’s okay. Because all I wanted was to fuck you, too.” You raise a brow, taking note of his shocked look. “What? You don’t think us girls can have our fun too?”

“I thought there was more…” he says, his voice drifting, feeling defeated, not finishing his statement.

You roll your eyes and sigh. “Oh, please, Roger. The second I dared question anything you freaked out and left. And then you spent the night with whatever her name is.” You walk to your room door, directly across from the elevator where he’s still standing and turn around. “And for the record, all I wanted to know was where you stood, to avoid any unnecessary tension for either of us. But of course, you couldn’t even let that happen without throwing a goddamn tantrum.” Normally, this is when he would start arguing with you, but he was just standing there, saying nothing, letting you unload on him. “I don’t know why nothing can just be simple with you. The smallest things are blown completely out of proportion and it’s maddening, Roger.” You turn back to your door and insert the key into the lock, wanting to walk inside, but you weren’t finished. “You know, I thought there was more too,” you say as you turn back around, but now he’s standing closer to you. “But when you walked up yesterday morning with her? That said it all, really.” He leans down and tries to kiss you, but you push him away. “No!” you yell. “No! Not this time. This isn’t how you fix things.” You open your door, walk inside, and slam it shut, leaving him on the other side.

November 26, 1978 – Cincinnati, Ohio Your self-imposed solitary confinement was going to be over soon since you’re in the back of a taxi cab heading to tonight’s venue. You thought three days alone would do you wonders, but all it did was leave you alone with your undistracted thoughts. There were even a few times you picked up the phone to call Mike and tell him to send someone else to finish, but you didn’t. You started this assignment and you were determined to finish it, your confused feelings about Roger be dammed. No more entangling yourself in his orbit. You were going to ignore him as best you could. Only talk to him when needed. A rock – that’s what you were going to be.

A rock. Right. More like ice that starts to melt into a massive puddle of water the second you see him sitting alone on the stage behind his drum kit smoking a cigarette. No one else is around. He sees you immediately and his eyes complete your proverbial transformation into liquid as he takes a quick drag off of his cigarette and looks at you with an almost blank expression. You don’t know if you should walk out or walk closer. It doesn’t matter, really, because you can’t move. You don’t even know if you’re breathing. And you don’t know why you’re stuck there, but you are, almost as if he’s telepathically forcing you to stay right where you are. He slowly stands up and walks over, not saying a word until he reaches you.

“I told Brian that I’m fucking crazy about you, Y/N,” he says, harping back to the discussion the two of them had when Brian caught the two of you alone on the bus a few days ago. “I told him that I think you are the strongest, smartest, most amazing woman I’ve ever met.” He starts to run his hand under his shirt collar and takes a deep breath. “I meant it when I told you I don’t know how to handle this, because I don’t… I don’t know how you feel about this. And when you asked me about it the other night, I panicked because I felt like a complete idiot.” You grab his arm and move closer. “You said this was meaningless, Y/N. But it’s not meaningless to me.” He pulls his arm away and backs himself up.

“It’s not…” you say, but you’re interrupted by voices in the background, so you move closer to him again so you can say what you want quietly. “It’s not meaningless,” you whisper. “I thought that’s what you wanted to hear.”

“No, Y/N. No this isn’t meaningless,” he whispers. He wants to touch you, but eyes are around, and he notices a familiar face. “Find me after the show, alright?” You nod your head and he darts his eyes behind you, letting you know there was someone standing there. After he leaves, you turn around and are shocked.

“Mike sent me,” Daisy tells you. “Not to replace you, but to join you, so don’t get huffy.”

“To join me?” you ask, angrily. “Why?”

“I don’t know,” she shrugs, not making eye contact with you. “He just said that he wanted me to come.”

You’re furious, and you’re trying not to yell. “That’s bullshit, Daisy, and you know it. What did you tell him?”

“I didn’t tell him anything. I don’t know…”

“You already told him I was fucking…” You turn down your tone. “You already told him I had something going on with Roger. So what did you tell him now?”

“I didn’t tell him anything, Y/N.”

“Don’t lie to me. You were pissed that they sent me and not you and now you’re here.”

“Oh hey Y/N’s friend!” Freddie yells from the stage. “Nice to see you again!” Daisy smiles and waves and turns her attention back to you.

“I’m here to help you, not take your job,” she snips. “To type up your stuff, make any phone calls you need, make sure you eat. Basically I’m here to do whatever you need or want me to do.” She nudges your shoulder and starts to laugh. “I’ve been demoted from staff writer to assistant.”

“Why’d you tell Mike anything?”

“I didn’t think he would flip out! I thought it was funny! Because of course you’d hook up with the drummer.” She starts to laugh, and you try hard not to, but you can’t help it. “Always the drummers with you.”

“I don’t like that one,” Freddie tells you in your ear, pointing to Daisy in the dressing area after the show. “I don’t trust her.”

“I don’t trust her either,” you groan. “But I can’t exactly do anything about it.”

“I think someone wants to talk to you,” he whispers in your ear, pointing to the door. You see Roger standing in the hall, a smile on his face, and one immediately draws on yours. “Go on. I’ll distract her.” You look at Freddie who is giving you an encouraging look, mouth a “thank you” and sneak out the door.

Roger takes your hand in his and sneaks you outside and to a car that is waiting. “I don’t want to have this conversation in there,” he tells you after sliding in the backseat next to you. “I don’t want to have it in here either,” he smirks. You nod your head and smile and sit in silence, your fingers entwined in his, for the 5 minute ride to the hotel. He doesn’t let your hand go as you get out of the car and during the walk to his room, and he’s still holding your hand as he guides you to sit on the bed.

“I…” He holds a finger up to your lips, and you stop talking.

“Let me say this while I have my words in order,” he says, and you give him your undivided attention. “I never wanted any of this until I had a taste of it. And now that I have, I don’t want to be without it.” He stands up and starts to nervously pace the floor as he runs his hand on the back of his neck. “I don’t know how to describe it, what’s inside. I’ve been feeling so empty for so long.” He stops, trying to find the right words. “Something missing, you know?” You stand up and walk to him, getting as close as you can without touching him. “But when I’m around you…” He looks at you and can’t finish his statement. You share a look, letting him know that you know exactly what he feels.

“Almost like you were just going through the motions,” you whisper. “Not exactly…”

“Living,” he says, finishing your statement. “That night on the bus, when we were talking and you fell asleep on my shoulder?” He pulls you into his arms, softly smiling and looking deep into your eyes. “I think we can bring each other back to life, Y/N.”

You wrap your arms around his shoulders and softly rest your hands on the back of his neck. “I think we already have,” you whisper with a smile. He leans down and softly kisses you, his hand to your cheek.

“Stay with me tonight,” he murmurs.

You smile and nod your head as he flashes you his killer smile. The tension of the past few days ebbed away as the passion ignited between you again, only this time there was no fighting. No frustration. No yelling or screaming. He falls to his knees, his hands crawling up between your thighs until they reach the button of your pants. You sigh a deep sigh as he slowly unbuttons them and slides them down. “Now there’s something I’ve missed,” he says with his raspy voice as he looks up to you and smirks. He brings his mouth close – so close you can feel the warmth of his breath – and you let your head fall back. He softly grasps your hips and pulls you closer before starting to move his tongue around your labia, sucking and teasing at your wet lips. He groans, bringing your arousal higher and excitement to burning point.

You start to twitch, and he slowly slides two fingers inside you while bringing you to the brink of orgasm in a flurry of tonguing. “Oh fuck,” you softly whisper as you grab his hair, your pelvis starting to buck as your quiet orgasm escapes you.

He stands up and kisses you hard, taking your tongue and rolling it with his like you were making love with that one kiss, sensual and building anticipation for what was to come. He starts to grind his body into yours, showing you his erection through his jeans and grabbing the hair at your nape to glue you to his lips. He has you at his mercy, just as you like it. You’re hungry for more, and he knows it.

He sits on the bed, and you sit behind him, kissing over his shoulder and undoing his shirt, his body practically on fire. He leans back, and you reach down to his erection, feeling how hard he is already. He quickly shucks off his jeans and settles into the bed. God, his cock is perfection, and you tell him so as you give him a nice slow hand job, bringing your lips to his head now and again to taste his flavor. He is delicious, and you can’t get enough, running your tongue up and down his length over and over. Not frantically – slowly, savoring this moment for as long as you can. “My beautiful Y/N,” he whispers as he softly runs his fingers through your hair.

Your muscles are clenching in desperation, begging you to sit on his dick right away to give him the ride of his life. You can’t wait a second longer. You straddle him and place your hands on his chest. He steadies you by the hips and stares right into your eyes as you guide him to your entrance before sinking down onto him, both of you letting out a loud gasp as you take him all the way in. You ride him hard, concentrating on taking his full length inside you as you look deep into his eyes. You sit straight up and he rips your shirt open, exposing your breasts to him and he grabs them, squeezing them together as you rock and grind on him. Oh, it’s so good, you arch your back and thrust your pelvis to increase the sensations to your clit, and suddenly you’re coming on him… already. You slow down and eased yourself off, smiling and rolling to the side. Your cheeks feel flushed with the afterglow. “Be gentle,” you whisper with a smirk as he pushes you onto your stomach and leans in to worship your ass with his hands and kisses.

He nibbles and gnaws at your flesh, sliding a finger in as he buries his face in. It’s absolute heaven, and you relish the slippery probing feel of his tongue licking from your pussy right up to your asshole, breaching your most private space for a moment before flicking out as if it didn’t happen. He swoops up to your face, kissing you again, his cock nudging at you. You pull up onto your knees, and he opens you up, pushing himself deep inside, slamming his full length in over and over again, his balls tapping your clit with every thrust. The stillness of the room is in such delicious contrast to what is going on between the two of you right now.

He presses his hand into your lower back as he works, the added pressure there making you feel truly owned and taken, as you bare down and meet him thrust for thrust. You look over your shoulder at him biting his lip. It’s super sexy knowing he’s trying to stop himself from coming. He knows you can take him all day long. Your groans, intermingled with the rhythm of his thrusts, make the most sublime soundtrack.

He grabs your tits over your bra and rolls you over, spreading your legs so he could eat you again. You drift off into that orgasmic place with your foot arched up over his back as he laps and teases you again with his tongue. He stops to snake his way up to spoon you and enters you from the side. It hits your g-spot perfectly, and you suck on his finger, hoping it feels as sexy as your wetness. The slapping noises add to the sexy rawness and you reach down to rub your clit while he pummels you. It feels so good to be so full and ravished. He cradles your thigh as he licks and teases your nipple, squeezing it to intensify the sensations he’s giving you right now. You rub your clit harder and start to cum hard on his cock again, floating off into that beautiful space. He grabs you tit and rubs it in time, handful after handful.

Pushing you onto your back, he settles between your legs, kissing you briefly before he drags you onto his cock again. He yanks your bra open and caresses your breasts as he penetrates you. You’re staring right into each other’s eyes, and it’s intense, more intense than any other time you’ve been together. You want to swallow him whole, take him inside of you forever and be one with him. He starts shuddering as he’s about to cum, and your eyes encourage him as he fills you completely with every last drop he can muster.

You hold a hand to his cheek and giggle as you kiss him. “This is not where I ever thought I’d be right now.”

“Where? Cincinnati?” he chuckles, and you push him off, rolling him on to his back. You snuggle into him, resting your head on his shoulder and start to trace a finger on his chest. “It’s going to be hard to keep you a secret, you know.”

“I’m hardly a secret,” you giggle.

“You’re right,” he says. “You’re not a secret.” He starts to chuckle. “You’re a groupie.”

“Wrong Roger, though,” you laugh.

“Back with us on the bus tomorrow?” he asks.

“Yeah,” you sigh. “And now we have Daisy…”

He quickly covers your mouth and chuckles. “I don’t want to talk about other women when I’m in bed with you.”

You laugh and pull his hand away. “What I’m saying is…” you say as you lean up on your side. “How in the hell am I going to be able to stay away from you for 8 whole hours?”

“We could knock her out,” he says with a serious tone, but clearly joking. “Stick her in with the luggage.”

“Give her to one of the roadies,” you say, only half joking. “I mean, there’s not really a lot of space on the bus.”

“Hmm,” he ponders. “I’m sure they can fit her in one of the cars.” He squeezes you tight and rests his head on yours. “I thought I lost you, Y/N. Not that I ever had you, but I thought…”

“I’m here now,” you tell him as you squeeze him back. “I’m not leaving.”

(I told y’all the angst wasn’t going to last too long!)

Permatags: @clogwearingspacepoodle @briansfatbottomgirl @culturefiendtrashqueen @jennyggggrrr @shutup-sorry @dontstopmemeow @letmelivetaylor @tommyleeownsme

Series tags: @toomuchlove-willkillyou @sunshine112 @ohtheseboysilove @luvborhap @painkiller80 @hannafuckingsucks @itsametaphorbriansblog @biscuit-barrel @capsparrowtara @asquiresofftime @aridrowse @geek-and-proud @a19103 @nicholeh7 @caborhapch @catch-a-deak @thebelgiancompanion @ultrablackwidower @maggieroseevans @protectrowanwhitethorn @mercurycrowley @amy-brooklyn99 @bellas2silly @rogxrtaylxr @gylfsz @amagicmess @thessxoxo @mariekuuuuuh @drowseoftaylor @bohemiansweede @loveandbeloved29 @radiob-l-a-hblah @ziggymay

[whereisten]

Hero, Yuta, & Me

Summary: Your pet sitting job lands you at the doorstep of the magnetic Yuta Nakamoto, owner of the cutest Shiba Inu on the planet, Hero. 

Multi-part series: Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3

Part 1

Word Count: 2,021 words

You were getting ready for the day, brushing your hair in front on your vanity. Your mom was visiting your grandparents down south while your dad and younger brothers were at Disney World. Those lucky bastards. You regretted not going with them but you were saving up for a Korean pop convention that was coming up in the summer. And you just landed a pretty sweet gig with your pet sitting job, Read It and Woof.

The owner, Yuta Nakamoto, lived in Miami Beach in a nice townhouse. He was the owner of a Shiba Inu named Hero. You were psyched because you had never seen a Shiba in the flesh. Mr. Nakamoto was going on a business trip so he needed someone to spend the weekend at his place, looking after Hero.

You parked in Mr. Nakamoto’s driveway, seeing his black Dodge Challenger’s trunk popped open. The front door was slightly ajar. You grabbed your bag out of the backseat and shut the door.

You heard a bark and whipped around to see a black and tan Shiba Inu sitting before you and you nearly crumble.

“Hi!” You greet the pup. “You must be Hero.”

Hero got up and started sniffing at your sneakers. All the while his tail was wagging. You laughed.

“Y/N.”

You looked back up to see the most beautiful boy you’d ever laid eyes on and nearly roll your eyes at the cliche that just popped into your head. He was a stunner. He was a legend. He was a god. Mr. Nakamoto was dressed in business professional attire of a finely tailored gray suit. His dark brown hair was slicked back and your breathing hitched. His brown eyes were sharp and captivating. And-

Cool it, Y/N. He may have a Shiba and he may be hot as fuck. But you gotta reel it in.

“Mr. Nakamoto?” You asked.

He smirked. “Call me Yuta. It’s really nice to meet you. Can I take your bag?”

“It’s nice to meet you, too.” You shook your head when you saw him reach his arm out to grab your Captain Marvel themed bag. Your bag wasn’t that heavy. “Oh, that’s okay. I got it.”

He nodded. “I’ll show you around. Thanks for coming so early.”

And suddenly you forgot that you were cursing yourself for taking the gig since you had to wake up at 5:30 AM to get ready so you can meet Yuta at 7:30 AM. Miami traffic was merciless even at 6:30 in the morning.

“It’s fine,” you said.

Yuta opened the front door and said, “After you.”

Hero ran in right after and you could hear the pitter pat of his feet and grinned. Dogs were effortless in making people laugh. That’s one of the things you loved most about them.

Dog toys were all over the wooden floor. Including a soccer ball. Three different pairs of shoes were placed beside the door. There was a lot of wooden furnishings and there were a couple of sliding doors. You noted that the interior of the house was very reminiscent of Japanese interior design.

“This is a really nice place you got here,” you said.

Yuta laughed. “You don’t have to lie. It’s a mess. I’m sorry about that. But Hero likes it that way.”

“Oh I don’t think it’s fair to pin it all on Hero.”

Hero was right on Yuta’s heels, staring up in adoration at his owner. You could feel their connection to each other and you knew that Yuta really loved him. Yuta looked down at Hero and rubbed his head.

“Maybe you’re right,” Yuta said as he looked back up at you. “Do you want something to drink? Eat? I made scrambled eggs.”

“Sounds good. I don’t want to keep you, though.” You remembered he had a flight to catch soon. Miami International Airport was very unforgiving.

Yuta’s eyes grew noticeably bigger. “Oh, yeah. Well, the tour’s quick. You got all of my instructions via email anyway. If you have any questions at any time, don’t hesitate to text. I can only take phone calls after 10 at night since my meetings are running late this weekend. I apologize.”

“It’s no problem.”

Yuta smiled. “If you’ll follow me.” He walked you down the hall and showed you the different rooms in the house. Hero was allowed to roam as he pleased. He usually liked to sleep in Yuta’s bed but he also had a bed in the living room. And a bed in the kitchen because Yuta sometimes liked to get a midnight snack and it was almost as if Hero knew that. Then, Hero would seize the opportunity to guilt trip Yuta into giving him something to munch on.

You were living for Yuta’s anecdotes.

“So the last door on the left is my room, which Hero can sleep in. But I’m pretty sure he’ll be with you. If you don’t mind keeping your room open. Which brings me to the guest room,” Yuta said.

He pushed the sliding door open and revealed a comfortable floor bed with a floor desk that had a cute little cactus and lamp on it.

“If you’d like extra blankets, the linen closet has a lot. Go nuts.” He laughed.

“Thanks, Yuta. I really appreciate it.” Most of your clients were nice people. Some were a little chaotic. But then, by the grace of God, you stumbled on a miracle.

You and Yuta walked back to the entrance.

“Well, I’m off,” Yuta said, “Thanks again for doing this, Y/N.” A strand of his hair fell into his eyes and he tucked it behind his ear. You imagined him doing that to your hair and you blushed, feeling guilty over fantasizing about a client you’d only see once more when he came back to make sure you didn’t kidnap Hero.

You nodded. “You’re welcome...Uh, safe travels...Yeah.” Lord, help you.

He gave you a knowing smile. He had to be aware of the effect he had on people. Whatever his line of work, he was probably the most magnetic person there.

“Bye,” he said in a playful tone. He knelt down and pet Hero. “You be good, alright?” Hero barked. The first time you heard him today.

10

You sat on the couch with Hero watching the news. Taking care of Hero consisted of taking him on a walk a couple of times a day. Taking him to the dog park this afternoon since Saturday afternoons were for dog park visits. Feeding him his meals. Giving him some treats as you said the commands Yuta suggested in his email. “Sit”, “play dead”, and “grab the remote”. You laughed at that last one.

You wondered how Yuta was doing. You thought it was funny that you were even thinking about him that way when you only talked to him for at most twenty minutes. There was no question you wanted to get to know him better.

Hero laid his head on your lap when you were texting your group chat that you shared with your three girlfriends: Joanna, Taissa, and Kaia.

HowRU Group Chat: We Clowned Clowns

Joanna: So how’s it going with the Shibs?

You: It’s good. His name’s Hero. Have contemplated kidnapping him. The owner’s really nice.

Kaia: Oh?

Taissa: That’s the first time you said an owner was nice so...you mean he’s NICE.

You: Yes.

Kaia: What aren’t you saying, Y/N?

Joanna: She likes him. He’s hot, isn’t he?

Taissa: Do you have pictures?

You: Sure in the 20 minutes we were together, I got 200 candids. Of course not!

Kaia: Can you tell us about him at least?

You: Dreamy. Slicked back brown hair. Brown eyes that basically hug you. Excellent cheekbones. A smile that will make you go blind if you look too long. About 5’9 if I had to compare his height to Kaia’s.

Joanna: So he’s short

Taissa: Not for Y/N and me. No.

Kaia: He’s short.

You: I’m gonna continue. His house is really nice. Japanese style. Wooden floor. I get to walk around in my bare feet. He keeps the place really tidy, even with all the dog toys.

Taissa: You need to snatch him up, Y/N.

You: I don’t think I can.

Joanna: Don’t go into a spiel about how you’re not good enough. I will not allow it. You are more than good enough for any man you want. Go for it.

Kaia: Yes, Y/N! Ask him out!

Taissa: Maybe he’ll even beat you to it! But think about it!

You: Read It and Woof doesn’t encourage fraternization between employee and client.

Taissa: Boo, those whores.

Even if Yuta was interested, the company was strict about dating. Maybe there was some leniency if you never worked for Yuta again. But that’s a huge maybe. And you liked your part-time job. You needed it to save up before you applied to get your Master’s. And you liked Hero and definitely wanted to see him again.

The same could be said about his owner.

You sighed and decided to order some pizza. Hero was eating his kibble for dinner when the doorbell rang. You checked the peephole and saw it was the pizza delivery girl. She looked very made-up with mascara and lipstick for someone who was delivering pizzas.

You opened the door and saw that the girl’s hopeful expression faded.

She said, deadpan, “Large pepperoni with stuffed cheesy bread?”

You nodded.

She handed you the merchant copy of the receipt to sign. You did. You handed her three bucks as her tip. She handed you the pizza and cheesy bread.

“So, are you his girlfriend?” She asked.

“What?” You frowned in confusion.

Then, you remembered you weren’t at your own house. You were at Yuta’s.

“Oh! No, I’m not. I’m pet sitting.”

The girl’s face became hopeful again and she looked less hostile. “Oh, okay! Well, have a good night!”

Well, that was fun.

You sat down at the kitchen table and enjoyed your meal. You decided to explore the house a little bit more.

You looked carefully at the walls and saw some photographs of Yuta and his family. He posed with two girls you guessed were his sisters. They were at Universal Studios Japan and hanging out with the minions. You smiled at Yuta’s very animated face. There was another formal picture of Yuta with his parents and who you now confirmed were his sisters. They all looked regal in their formal wear. You saw another picture of a younger Yuta playing soccer. That would explain the soccer ball in the living room, after all. You continued down the line and saw what you thought was a very recent picture of Yuta posing with his team:

The national Japanese soccer team.

And then you looked at the next picture and recognized David Beckham. Beckham was shaking hands with Yuta. The Inter Miami CF logo was at the bottom right corner of the photograph.

Whoa.

Yuta was an international soccer player. Your inner thirteen-year-old was screeching.

Hero’s pitter pats were getting closer and he stood by you.

You knelt down and pet him. “Hero, why didn’t you tell me Yuta was a soccer star?”

Hero nuzzled against your hand.

Your phone vibrated in your pocket. Yuta texted you.

Maybe I needed to change his contact name. It sounded...suggestive. Mr. Nakamoto will see you now.

HowRU Group Chat: With Mr. Nakamoto

Mr. Nakamoto: Hey. How’s it going? Did Hero trash the place yet?

You: Hi! It’s going well. Hero’s been a good doggo. How are things?

Mr. Nakamoto: That’s good to hear. It’s been stressful but it looks like things are going to work out.

You: How mysterious.

Mr. Nakamoto: It’s pretty boring, actually. But if all goes well, I get to stay in Miami for a long while.

You: I hope it does.

Mr. Nakamoto: Me, too :)

You debated bringing up what you discovered of Yuta but weren’t sure how to proceed with it. 

Hey Yuta, by the way, why didn’t you tell me you were a soccer sensation? 

Or...

Hey, Yuta, do you like Messi?

You decided to drop it. Maybe he’d mention it to you. Maybe he wouldn’t.

It would all depend on whether you guys would see each other again after the weekend was over.

Part 2 (Coming Soon)

[newagesispage]

                                                  APRIL                      2019

PAGE   RIB

***** The Rolling Stones have cancelled their North American tour. Mick Jagger apologized for cancelling due to undisclosed medical treatments.  Oh Baby, Get Well Soon!!!!

***** Mick and his squeeze, Melanie Hamrick have put together a ballet set to Stones music called Porte Rouge. After premiering in Russia it will come to NY on April 18 for an opening night charity event to benefit Youth America Grand Prix.  Tickets start at $600.

***** Tina Fey and Carol Burnett  are working on a movie about Carol’s book, Carrie and me: A Mother –Daughter love story.

***** When I hear Bernie Sanders going on, I can’t help but think of Jimmy Carter. He was pushing many of these messages in the seventies. He tried to get us to have more respect for the land and to save energy and the greedy wrote him off as boring and the era of greed took over. Will we listen this time?

***** The Mueller report was finally turned over to Attorney General William Barr. This has started a whole new set of problems. Barr gives us a summary that is like springtime for Trump. He jumps right in to those that done him wrong and FISA warrants. Should congress get a look at the full report? Everyone is talking over each other and don’t seem to hear what the other is saying. Everybody piles on Adam Schiff because they think he isn’t accepting the report like a good Dem should. If they would listen, he makes it very clear that he respects the findings but they need to see the report. How dare they ask HIM to resign as Intel committee chair. It was heartwarming to see his backbone. They must quit backing down. We still don’t have the whole story but he still free to say that he thinks the actions we already know of were wrong. What the hell is wrong with that? Barr is supposed to release the heavily redacted report in mid- April. No collusion? Perhaps, Scary Clown 45 would probably not get his hands dirty. Obstruction? We’ll see. ** Tyler Mcgaughey, William Barrs son in law will now advise Trump and the White House staff. ** I am really sick of listening to the old white man POV.

***** Dow chemical has donated a mil to Trump’s campaign. Strange that Trump has blocked a report  that took years of research and shows proof of Dow toxic pesticides which jeopardizes over 1,200 endangered species.

***** US from Jordan Peele opened to 70.3 mil. Just like his last movie, critics tell us to watch it twice. How great for the bottom line.

***** John McCarty, a dead man is running for village President in Spring Bay, Il.

***** Look out for the new film, The Kid, directed by Vincent D’onofrio. The western stars Ethan Hawke, Chris Pratt, Hawk , D’onofrio , MorningStar Angeline and Leila George.

***** Did you ever see the reunion movie ‘Return to Green Acres? ‘  They tried to warn us of who Trump was a long time ago. How strange that it came full circle with that ridic Emmy Green Acres thing he did.

***** Shaq has become a deputy sheriff and has also been added to the board of directors of Papa John’s where he is an investor.

***** In sexual harassment news, Lucy Flores, a former Nevada assemblywoman has accused Joe Biden of unwanted touching and kissing at a 2014 campaign event.

***** Mark Hamill will voice the Chucky doll in the new Child’s Play.

***** Law and Order will get its 21st season.

***** The daytime Emmy noms have been announced and Days got the most this year. WOO HOO! The soap was nominated for drama, writing, costume, music, casting, art direction and oh, just everything. In the acting category the lead noms are Marci Miller, Tyler Christopher and Billy Flynn.  Kate Mansi was noticed for a guest spot as Abigail so 2 actresses are up for Emmys in the same role. Other guest noms went to Thaao Penghlis and Philip Anthony Rodriguez. Kassie Depaiva, Linsey Godfrey (really?), Martha Madison, Greg Rikaart and Eric Martsolf were all nominated.  Younger actor nods went to Olivia Rose Keegan, Lucas Adams, Victoria Konefal and Kyler Pettis.  C’mon , why nothing for Lauren Koslow, Greg Vaughan, Casey Moss, Susan Seaforth Hayes and Robert Scott Wilson?? I think I would switch a few of these around but it is still great to see Days so blessed.  I was also happy to see Max Gail from GH get noticed. CBS led the networks in noms. Hooray for Wayne Brady for game show host and Mark Hamill, Ruth Negga and Steve Buscemi in animated programs. Watch for the Daytime Emmys on May 5 which will not be on television again.

***** General Robert Neller has told the Pentagon that funds diverted to the wall are keeping Marines from rebuilding hurricane hit bases.

***** Devin Nunes is suing Twitter for the parody accounts, Devin Nunes Mom and Dvin Nunes cow which is pretty funny.

***** The EU is banning straw, cotton swabs and plastic cutlery by 2021.

***** Jenny McCarthy has a book out that slams The View.

***** Roseanne is thinking about suing ABC and has said some rather nasty stuff about Sara Gilbert.

***** Michael Avenatti was arrested for trying to extort $20 mil from Nike in NY. He claims he was just doing some lawyering.  California has him on bank fraud charges.  Why is there so much shadiness in this world? Let’s start rewarding the people doing good in this world and quit talking these headlines everyday.

***** Why did this Jussie Smollett thing go away?

***** Wal Mart is walking back this getting rid of the elderly and handicapped greeter thing.

***** Tracy Morgan and Will Forte are to star in the new animated Scooby Doo movie.

***** Johnny Depp has sued ex Amber Heard over the abuse allegations.

***** Martha Stewart is diving into the Marijuana product industry.

***** New York charges Manafort with 16 crimes. Perhaps he won’t get off as lightly with the state crimes.

***** Season 9 of American Horror Story has no premiere date yet. Emma Roberts is confirmed to return. It looks like it will also include Sarah Paulson, Evan Peters and silver medalist Gus Kenworthy.

***** New California Gov. Gavin Newsom has halted executions for now.

***** Dems will hold their convention in Milwaukee. And if I hear again that Hillary didn’t go to these sorts of places, I am gonna puke. She went! She went! Just not so much at the end.

***** Howard Stern will release his first book in 20 years this May.

***** Ok, so glad to see Whoopie Goldberg is starting to get back to work but it is just so unbelievable in this day and age and access to info that she seemed shocked that the insurance companies decide people’s fate. Of course, that is if you are lucky enough to have insurance.

***** Sandy Hook families can take lawsuits against the gun companies to court now.** Three suicides have recently come from survivors and a parent of Parkland and Sandy Hook. The pain goes on.

***** The Senate voted 59-41 to terminate the emergency declaration. VETO

***** Rick Singer, founder if a college prep business had pled guilty to money laundering, obstruction of justice and racketeering. The nationwide college entrance exam scandal involves about 50 people including Felicity Huffman and Lori Loughlin that dates back to 2011. People paid millions to use ringers to take or fix their children’s exams and sometimes faked photos with coaches to include them in sports they were never involved in. The U.S. attorney does not believe the schools themselves were involved. **Lawsuits have already begun from those claiming they could not get into a good college because those spots were taken by these alleged cheaters.

***** Jennifer Hudson will play Aretha Franklin in the biopic.

***** Experts say a recession is on the horizon.

***** Two Sacramento police officers will face no charges for their overkill of the unarmed Stephon Clark. Oh Big surprise!!

***** White supremacist groups on line are growing faster than ISIS. ** I never get it, if white supremacists are so supreme, so wonderful, wouldn’t they rise to the top naturally? Why do they need to rid the world of others or keep minorities down?? If they think others are so inferior, those they hate or fear should not be a problem .

***** Jeanine Pirro was pulled off Fox news after a racist rant about Muslims. ** And where is Rudy? The lawyer hasn’t been seen on the air since January. ** Is this true? Did Ivanka and Jared really try to resign? Did Scary Clown 45 try to push them into it and then not accept those resignations?

***** This can’t be true. Only 5 states have laws requiring patient consent for medical students to do vaginal exams on women under sedation.

***** I rarely think about Jay Leno but he was right about the late night comics all doing different versions of the same joke.  But, who is he to talk? I mean how many different things did you do on OJ and Clinton?? At least these guys are funny.

***** The talk that people stay in their bubble becomes crystal clear when you see the poll asking if the President is truthful: Fox viewers : 84%, MSNBC viewers : 21% and CNN viewers: 1%. Whoa!

***** Word is that Scary Clown ordered economic advisor Gary Cohn to pressure the Justice Department to file a lawsuit to block the Att-Time Warner merger to retaliate against CNN.

***** At least 250 power plants across the country are leaking toxic chemicals into nearby water.

***** Jay Inslee is running for president! I think Stacey Abrams and Jay Inslee would be a nice ticket>

***** Beta O’Rourke is running for President! The psychedelic warlord!

***** Kristen Gillibrand is running for President!

***** Conor McGregor was arrested and charged with felony strong armed robbery and criminal mischief in Miami.

***** The process is in the works to get Trumps tax returns.** The house Judiciary committee has requested 81 documents.** This can’t be true. Trump was signing Bibles for volunteers and survivors in Alabama??

***** Just when it can’t get any weirder: Li Yang and her hubby, Zubin Gong run a string of massage parlors with questionable reputations. Until recently they ran the one that Robert Kraft was busted in. They also had a web site that seemed to sell access to their buddy, Donald Trump with Chinese business contacts. As soon as the story broke, the sites for an international consulting firm, text only in Chinese and no prices for the meets came down. Li Yang and her associates are in pictures at the inauguration, the White House, Mar A Lago and Trump’s super bowl party with the Pres, his sons and other Trump family members. We should have seen this coming. The old adage that always holds true with this administration seems true here. They always blame others for what they are really guilty of, this explains the Pizzagate garbage. This could be bigger than we ever dreamed. Even stories that we may have thought a bit out there need to be looked at closer. Can we connect the sex trafficking, the White House, the money? It is time to quit fucking around with the sellers and customers of those exploited in the sex trade. I don’t get it, all these men from Trump to R Kelly have the power over the women they supposedly use and abuse and yet they are always so angry. Perhaps they wouldn’t be losing their power if you treated others with respect and dignity. They always want all the power for themselves. And c’mon media, stop talking your heads off about the Omar story and give this Li Yang story a closer look.

***** The story of the fall of Theranos and Elizabeth Holmes is a sad one. It does show that greed and massive fraud are not just for the men of this world. When I first heard of her plans for the blood testing, I was so impressed with what she was accomplishing at her age. Yes, she was another poor little rich girl whose family fortune was quite diminished by the time it got to her. Even without the Fleischman yeast money, she did seem to have advantages. I can see how some of us were fooled but what about the big investors, the stalwart statesmen?  Do they not remember that if it seems too good to be true, it probably is? How can all the hype, the press, the marketing snowball before there is any proof that something is what is actually supposed to be?? I always assumed that by the time I am hearing about it, things are about ready to go. Seeing all these stories like Trump and Deutsche bank, light sentences for Manafort and now Holmes and her partner in crime seeming to get off lightly, there is not much hope for the little guy. WHY can’t we hold those involved in big money crimes really responsible??

***** It’s true, rich people cause socialism – Neal Brennan.

***** Even in 1692 the rich were different. –Stacy Schiff- The Witches.

***** FEMA released the personal data of 2.3 million victims.

***** They have dug up old words from Fox’s Tucker Carlson. Big surprise that he seemed to empathize with Warren Jeffs, thought women should just shut up and called a woman “cunty.”  The women who lap up the words of these men must not think much of themselves.

***** Why are we letting the banks finance detention centers and prisoners? It’s more than immigration or punishing criminals. Why is this big business?? I can’t believe this is still going on. Wake up!!! When will the children be free?  C’mon House and Senate, Pass the Shut Down child prison camps bill.

***** Somebody has to pay for this President’s folly: The scary clown new budget cuts:$ 1.5 trillion from Medicaid/ $845 billion from Medicare/ &25 billion from Social Security.

***** About 1 rural hospital a month is shutting down due to lack of support and lack of funds.

***** Globalization seems to be spreading a pathogen killing the olive trees in Italy.

***** A fake Melania?? WTF? UGH!

***** Matthew Whitaker is out! Bill Shine is out!

***** When will we ever be able to buy the boxed set of Late Night with Dave?? Hurry so the next generation can see the genius they may have missed.

***** Pete Davidson and Kate Beckinsale??

***** Hey Bill Maher, way to go with your PETA message about the terrible treatment of the geese used to make Canada Goose down jackets.  I will stay away!!

***** J Lo and A Rod are engaged.

***** Bette Midler and Judith Light will join the cast of The Politician.

***** Jussie Smollett has been indicted on 16 felony counts.

***** HBO’s Crashing was cancelled. Pete Holmes was great in this but I never really saw much promotion for it. I hate it when good stuff falls thru the cracks.

***** Kathy Griffin has a new film about the ridiculous Trump head, nearly career ending, Government harassment crap in her life. Kathy Griffin: A Hell of a story. Make that lemonade!! A girl has to take care of herself. It premiered at SXSW.** Speaking of SXSW, Alexandria Ocasio Cortez drew great crowds while she was there.

***** R Kelly lives in Trump tower in Chicago. Well, of course he does.  Why is it ok for the rest of us to put up with these arrogant, abusive males in this society? Everyone is giving kudos to Gayle King for her calm demeanor in her interview. Yes, how professional of her but why should she be subject to that disrespect??  She is in her workplace. Would R Kelly have liked his Mother or daughter to be treated that way?

***** So, word is that Isaiah 45 is a Trump thing with the evangelicals. This scripture refers to Cyrus , the anointed one. OY!

***** Days alert: Robin Strasser is coming OH BOY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!** Judith Chapman and her old style soap acting just too much. ** C’mon Chloe and Rex!!** More Nurse Shelly!! ** Is Johnny Dimera on his way to town? ** I was so glad to see Tony, one of the best characters ever anywhere, even if it was part of an out of body experience.

***** Why do we have to keep talking about George and Kelly Ann Conway?? Are they just covering their bases? With one on each side of the Trump argument, they win no matter what happens right?

***** So now we know that about 400 Catholic clergy have been accused of sexual  misconduct in Illinois. It never ends.

***** End the electoral college!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

***** S

***** Fox has hired Donna Brazile. People seem to finally be taking Bill Maher’s advice and telling their point of view to the other side. How else will sanity prevail if we don’t find common ground? We cannot look to this administration for guidance in this world, we have to figure these things out for ourselves, which we should be able to do anyway.

***** Suicide is the second leading cause of death for 15-24 year olds.  We have to find our self- worth.  

R.I.P. Andy Anderson, Katherine Helmond, Nathaniel Taylor, Luke Perry, Alabama tornado victims, Jan Michael Vincent,  the Ethiopian airlines disaster victims, Hal Blaine, victims of the New Zealand Mosque shootings, Sydney Aiello, the Ogossogou village attack victims, Denise DuBarry, Larry Cohen, Jeremy Richman, Ray Sawyer, Tania Mallet and Nipsey Hussle.

[bluesiphonbaby]

Dead Girl Walking Pt.1 (Mobster!Tom Holland x Reader)

Hey everyone! I’ve been inspired to make a mobster!Tom Holland and it’s gonna be multi-chapter. Also gonna be a bit of a slow burn. Really freaking hoping this is gonna end up well

---------------

Innocent and young (y/n) stumbles upon a scene that should have been left forgotten. She then gets roped into a world of drugs, guns, and fighting for her life at every second. Going against all her morals and everything her dear old daddy taught her she sticks around to find out what all the excitement is about. Even if the mobster king doesn’t want her there.

——————-

You should have payed more attention to the directions the bar tender gave. Although the club was almost unbearably loud it wasn’t that hard to hear what she had been saying; your attention wasn’t there. It was on a man, that looked no older than 21, that was sitting in the VIP lounge all night. Your best friend had told you many a times to ‘go get him’ and claimed that he's been watching you too but your confidence was at its all time low due to you catching your ex-boyfriend with an insanely attractive girl. That actually explains why you're at this club in the first place. Lydia, your close friend, thought it would be a good idea to get you shit-faced to forget him but you’re not the one currently drunk off your ass-Lydia is. Which doesn’t help with anything that has happened in the past week.

Anyway, sidetracked there for a minute, your bladder was about to explode and you just needed to find one place that was quieter and less hot than the main room. You could have sworn the lady said two lefts then the first door on the right but was sorely mistaken. You were stranded outside in the chilly Miami night with nothing but the skimpy black dress Lydia stuffed you in. The only way out was down the dark damp alley way that lead to the front. With a slight groan and heavy sigh you speed walk down the alley to attempt to avoid the rats that were hidden in the shadows. 

“So what do you expect me to do about your mess up?”

“I’m sorry it was an accident,” The man whimpered. The conversation halted you in your tracks. To the right of you was another alley that didn’t seem to have an end. Three men stood there in the very dim lighting.

“You know we can’t have accidents,” Your heart slowed as a gun was shoved in the shortest mans’ face and the wind knocked out of you as the bullet flew through his forehead. The body dropped all to slow for reality and your breath caught in your throat-neither wanting to leave or enter your body. Your own figure frozen in place.

“Damn it Harrison you weren’t suppose to do that here,” The large man standing next to him hissed. ‘Harrison’ had his words on the tip of his tongue; then he spotted you.

“Shit,” he gasped. Your feet moved before your brain recognized and your body went flying faster than it had ever been before. The pounding footsteps behind me echoed off the brick walls like gun shots. Ironic. You rounded the corner with only one plan in your head. Get. The. Hell. Away. Maybe dive into the crowd and shove someone over to get to a cab. Alrighty sounds like a plan. What could possibly go...it went wrong. It went so very wrong.

“Woah, slow down there princess,” your body collided with someone you didn’t know and frankly didn’t care.

“Sorry,” the word left your lips with no meaning to them. You slid right past the boy, only focused on getting to the cab pulling up beside the curb. You race over to the yellow car now parked. You shove the dude ready to get into the car and drag the lady by the back of her dress onto the concrete floor. Diving into the back seat, you slammed the door behind you and screamed at the driver to drive.  He pulled out of the side of the road, terrified to disobey you.

“I’m so sorry!” you shout out the window at the angry pair, upset that you just postponed their sex for at least another 20 minutes. In your opinion you were doing them a favor. You could have just prevented and unwanted child tonight! So, so far you’re getting two wins out of this rapidly declining night. Prevented death of you and prevented an unwanted child. Glancing back to the alley opening you see the two men standing with the one and only hot VIP guy. Come on! Of freaking course the hot guy that you like at the club is a murderer. What are the odds.

Your eyes locked with his brown orbs and you squealed. Your head was pulled in so quickly that you hit the back of it on the car. You hissed and cupped the wound with your hand applying pressure to bring your attention away from it.

“Shit! Lydia!” you snatched your phone from your hand purse and quickly dialed her number. Aaaaaaaand straight to voicemail. Wonderful.

“Ummm where am I taking you?” The frightened car guy stuttered. 

“I am so sorry, I totally forgot you were here. Can you take me to 34th street?” The blonde hair guy nodded and skidded down the street. Almost all stress left you as you relaxed into the nasty car seats but that was by far the last thing on your mind.

The man driving screeched to a halt at the corner of your street. You absentmindedly pushed a 20 into the front seat and slipped out of the cab. The yellow cab left as soon as it came leaving you to your paranoia. 

Your apartment was cold and dark when you first walked in. Turning on the lights didn’t ease the dark feeling in the pit of your stomach. You tossed your heels in some corner of your living room and plopped down on your couch. The excitement and adrenaline of the night fled your body.

What the hell did you just witness? You witnessed a murder and you never wanna remember it again. Yet your brain has a funny way of doing that since the episode kept going on over and over and over again. It was a nightmare. A nightmare that followed you into your sleepless hours.

Part 2

[sesamestreep]

and never ever watch the ten o’clock news

(Read on AO3)

Summary: Bodhi never expected to be sitting in an interrogation room with his best friend while she lied to the police about being a psychic. In retrospect, he probably should have. [AKA the Psych AU Literally No One Asked For]

I wrote this Psych AU for my dearest @taxicabsandcupcakes as an EXTREMELY belated birthday/decently belated Winter Solstice/slightly belated New Year’s/aggressively early Friend-iversary present, which means I’ve had this idea since your birthday but didn’t actually find the inspiration to write it until Psych the Movie happened and then had to invent an occasion for giving it to you. This is my way of saying thanks for your sage writing advice, endless encouragement, and for yelling about Jane Austen on twitter with me. Hope you like it!

There’s additional notes on the fic itself if you follow the AO3 link above, which I recommend reading if you’re the type who enjoys that sort of thing.

“I need you to drive me to the police station.”

Bodhi, to his eternal embarrassment, actually pulls the phone away from his face and stares at it in disbelief, despite the fact that he’s alone in his office and no one is around to appreciate what he assumes is some excellent physical comedy.

“Pardon?” he asks, after a moment.

Jyn sighs on the other end of the phone. “I need you to drive me to the police station. Please,” she adds as an afterthought.

“Doesn’t that honor belong to the cop who’s arresting you?”

“Very funny,” Jyn says flatly. “My bike won’t start, will you please drive me?”

“You’re still not telling me the most important part,” Bodhi says, already starting to feel his exasperation growing. “Why do you need to go to the police station? Did something happen?”

“Something is always happening, Bodhi. Something is happening right now. And right now. And also now--”

“Jyn, come on...”

“Okay, fine. You remember that thing we talked about? The one you said I shouldn’t do anymore?”

“I told you to stop wearing white after Labor Day, advice which you have consistently ignored…”

“I keep telling you, Labor Day is a holiday invented by greeting card corporations to sell product!”

“All those Labor Day cards that everyone buys and sends out to their loved ones,” Bodhi says, playing along with Jyn’s nonsense.

“Exactly!” Jyn practically shouts. “Also, if you think about it, it’s always after Labor Day. You know what I mean?”

“I don’t. Did you get fined for committing a crime of fashion? Is that why you have to go the police station?”

“No, it has to do with the other thing you told me to stop doing.”

“Do I really have to guess? I tell you to stop doing a lot of things,” Bodhi says. His initial worry has already subsided and he’s tired of this conversation. He needs Jyn to tell him what’s going on so he can get back to work.

“Bodhi, don’t be the dollar sign in Ke$ha’s name!” she says, clearly frustrated with him as well.

“She got rid of that, you know. It’s just an ‘s’ now.”

“Precisely.”

“Jyn, honestly…”

“I called in another tip to the police,” Jyn says, suddenly giving up the game. “And before you get upset, that one tip helped them solve, like, ten open armed robbery cases.  So now the chief of police wants me to come down and they’re gonna give me a check, or an award, or something. I can't remember what it was, I wasn't listening. What’s a purple heart for?”

“Injured in battle.”

“Okay, so maybe not that. Whatever. It’s a big deal. The queen will probably be there.”

“Jyn, we live in America. There is no queen here,” Bodhi says, pinching the bridge of his nose in frustration.

“Agree to disagree. What do you say? Will you take me?”

“I…” Bodhi begins to say before something occurs to him. “Wait a minute. You told me you were calling in those tips anonymously.”

“I was.”

“So how could they give you a reward, if they don’t even know who you are?” He asks.

“Okay, so,” Jyn begins to say in her best bullshitting voice. It's one that Bodhi is very familiar with. “I might have made a very tiny, laughably insignificant mistake when I called in this particular tip.”

“You told them your name,” Bodhi supplies.

“In my defense, I was a little drunk and I really wanted to impress this girl I was on a date with.”

“Neither of those are good excuses!”

“If it makes you feel better, my date wasn’t pleased either,” Jyn admits. “She was actually kind of insulted that I was paying so much attention to the news when we were making out.”

“As she should be.”

“You know I can’t help it! It’s just the way my brain works!”

“You’re telling me you actually picked up your clue just from the news?” Bodhi asks. “That’s honestly kind of impressive.”

“Tell that to her! She stormed off before I could tell her my whole ‘eidetic memory, trained in observation by my tough cop mother’ tragic backstory,” Jyn says.

“Great. What restaurant are we not going to be able to get a table at from now on?”

“She’s the hostess at Cilantro, that tiny place on Elm.”

“They have the best brunch in the city, Jyn!”

“Yeah. It’s a real loss,” Jyn agrees. “So, you’ll come get me on your lunch?”

***

The first time Bodhi spoke to Jyn was in fourth grade and he and his family had just moved to the country for his dad’s job.  He was a scrawny, brown kid with a funny accent and, to make it worse, he transferred right in the middle of the year. All the kids in his class had already made their friends and they thought he was weird. Everyone except Jyn.

She’d dropped her lunch tray on the table across from him on his first day and said, without preamble, “I like your voice, it sounds like mine. Also, your watch is cool. Have you seen the movie Flubber? It’s my favorite.”

And just like that they were friends. Looking back on it, Bodhi’s not sure he ever really had a choice. Jyn had decided she liked him, and once she liked someone, that was it. They belonged to her.  She was always between him and the meanest kids in school, distracting them, talking in circles until they gave up and left her best friend alone.  You couldn’t mess with Jyn; she had something clever or weird to say to any of your threats or insults and she never cared what other people thought of her.  That, and the fact that her mom was a cop and everyone knew it, meant that people generally left her--and, by extension, Bodhi--alone.

After high school, they went their separate ways: Bodhi went to college to try to make something of himself and Jyn left Santa Barbara on her motorcycle to get away from her mother and see the world.  She sent postcards from every new city she landed in, and the two of them kept in touch even as Bodhi started working as a pharmaceuticals sales rep and Jyn continued to work whatever odd jobs she could find in whatever part of the country she was living in at that moment. In complete defiance of logic and the predictions of their families, the two of them stayed close despite the distance and their wildly different lifestyles. Still, no one was more surprised than Bodhi when Jyn reappeared in Santa Barbara.

He has tried in ways both subtle and obvious to get Jyn to tell him what made her come home, but with no success.  Bodhi assumes it had something to do with her mother retiring and moving to Miami, but he doesn’t think that’s the whole reason.  He’d worry about her, but Jyn seems the same as ever.  She’s got the same mercurial temper--upbeat and joking one minute, put out and snarky the next--and she still flirts with every waitress, bartender, and barista they come across.  Which, of course, means there are several fine establishments in Santa Barbara that Bodhi can no longer visit without someone asking about when his cute friend is going to call them back, or just telling him off in Jyn’s place.

The only thing different about Jyn is her newfound obsession with calling in anonymous tips to the police.  She’s always been highly observant, but Bodhi has never seen her so preoccupied with using her skills to help people.  He told her to be careful about it and he actually thought she would listen, given her distaste for the police, but, instead, he finds himself walking up the steps of the Santa Barbara Police Station with Jyn during his lunch hour to collect her reward.

Once they’re inside, Jyn goes to the desk to let the officer there know that she’s arrived and Bodhi takes a seat on one of the benches in the lobby.  Within seconds, another officer drops off an enormous man in handcuffs, depositing him on the bench next to Bodhi with a muttered, “Wait here!” and then departing.  Now, Bodhi’s come a long way from his terrified, scrawny, fourth grade self, but he is also, in no way, shape, or form, an intimidating person, so he does his best not to make eye contact.

After a few minutes, Jyn joins Bodhi and, as is her custom, puts herself directly between him and danger, this time in the form of their large, handcuffed companion. “What are you in for?” Jyn asks pleasantly. Bodhi elbows her in the ribs.

“They say I jacked my ex-wife’s car, but I’m innocent!” the man shouts.

“Ugh, cops, am I right?” Jyn says, in a tone that sounds more like they’re at happy hour than a police precinct. The man grunts in agreement and the conversation seems to be over, until Jyn adds, more quietly, “Hey, I don’t want to sound like I don’t believe you--because I totally do--but, if I were you, I’d brush that broken glass off your sleeve. To the untrained eye, it looks like maybe you broke a window or something.”

The man glances at Jyn and then at his sleeve, before sweeping his hand over the latter. The same officer from before returns to collect him as soon as he’s finished.

“Thanks,” the man says gruffly as he stands up and then winks at her over his shoulder as he’s lead away.

“No problem,” Jyn says and turns to Bodhi, at whom she rolls her eyes. “Idiot,” she adds, under her breath. “He just knocked all the glass into his boot.”

“You shouldn’t have done that,” Bodhi says, keeping his voice low.

“I know. What’s the point of helping criminals if they’re too incompetent to help themselves?”

“That’s obviously not what I meant,” Bodhi huffs. “Did they tell you how long this was going to take?”

“They said someone would be with me shortly. Please, try to relax.”

“They can’t just give you a check? It has to be a whole production?”

“Bodhi, don’t be the Brave Little Toaster’s less brave little cousin!”

“I just have a bad feeling about this,” Bodhi says, ignoring her.

“Noted. Now, be quiet and I might let you be in the picture with me, the mayor, and what I hope is one of those giant novelty checks,” Jyn says.

“I do love giant novelty checks,” Bodhi admits.

“You know that’s right,” Jyn says, and offers her fist for him to bump.

At that moment, another cop appears in front of them. “Jyn Erso?” he asks, sounding uninterested in a response.

Jyn stands up to greet him. “That’s me. And this is my associate, DJ Deathstar,” she says, motioning at Bodhi, who just rolls his eyes at her. Jyn’s been making up fake names for him since they were kids and it’s probably better the police don’t know his actual name anyway.

The officer looks perplexed but all he does is nod and say, “If both of you would follow me,” before leading them out of the lobby and through the bullpen.

They go through a door at the far side of the room, which leads them to a long cinderblock hallway with several doors on either side.  The officer opens the last one on the right, and motions for them to go in ahead of him.  Once Bodhi and Jyn have both crossed the threshold, he closes the door behind them suddenly and they both turn in surprise.

All at once, Bodhi realizes where they are.

“Shit,” he says, taking in the bleak room with the large table in the middle and the mirror on the wall. “Why are we in an interrogation room?” he asks Jyn.

Jyn, for her part, is glaring at the other figures in the room.  Seated at the table are two more cops, but they’re in plain clothes, which must mean they’re detectives. They stand as soon as Bodhi speaks.

“Why don’t you both take a seat?” the shorter of the two of them says.  He’s soft spoken with a slight accent and he looks absolutely exhausted.

Bodhi nearly jumps out of his skin when he feels Jyn’s hand on his elbow.  When he looks over, she gives him a reassuring smile. If he didn't know her as well as he does, he could totally miss the anger behind that smile, but they've been friends for twenty years and he’s perfected the art of reading Jyn’s moods. These detectives have no idea what they've gotten themselves into. She cocks her head towards the chairs in invitation and he gets the message loud and clear without her saying anything. Do what they tell you and let me do the talking.

“They didn’t mention anything on the phone about a vetting process before they gave me the key to the city,” Jyn says, nice and light, once she and Bodhi have sat down on the other side of the table.

“You are not getting a key to the city, Miss Erso,” the other cop says, his tone clipped.  He has an expressionless face and is frankly too tall to be an actual human being, as far as Bodhi is concerned.

“No…?” Jyn asks innocently.

“No,” he says, sounding even less amused than before.

“Listen, Mr. ...?”

“Detective,” he corrects. “Head Detective Kay Tuesso.”

“Your mother must be very proud,” Jyn says, and Bodhi has to hold back a snort. “And who’s this?” she asks, her eyes training on the other detective.

“My partner, Detective Andor,” Detective Tuesso says, obviously growing impatient with Jyn’s antics.

“Charmed,” Jyn says and actually extends her hand for Detective Andor to shake. He gives her a puzzled look in return.

Nonplussed by any of the annoyance she seems to be causing, Jyn pulls her hand back and leans forward conspiratorially on the table.  “Now that we’re all on such friendly terms, why don’t you tell me what exactly is going on?” she asks.

“I’m sorry, Miss Erso,” Detective Andor says, “but we’re not all acquainted. Who is this?” he asks, gesturing at Bodhi.

Jyn turns and gives Bodhi a searching look.  For his part, Bodhi would rather not tell the police his name, given he has no idea what sort of trouble Jyn has unintentionally mixed herself up in, but he’s pretty sure they can figure it out who he is whether she tells them or not. He knows better than to actually shrug at her, when everything about her demeanor is screaming be careful at him, so he just looks back at her as calmly as he can. They’ve been in enough crazy situations together over the years that he trusts her to get them out of this one.  He sees her small smile of comprehension before she turns back to the detectives.

“This is Bodhi,” she says evenly. “He drove me here.”

“What, like a Lyft driver?” Detective Andor asks.

“Yes!” Jyn replies, snapping her fingers like they're all just brainstorming together and she loves what the detectives are bringing to the table. Which, knowing Jyn, might be what she actually thinks.

“And you brought him in with you because…?”

“I'm just quirky, I guess,” Jyn says with an easy shrug and barrels on before the detectives can question her any further on Bodhi’s presence. “Now that we’re finally all acquainted, can you get to the point? The meter’s running.”

Neither of the detectives look particularly convinced by any of this, but Detective Andor continues anyway. “You recently called in a tip about several armed robberies that occurred in the last few weeks. Is that correct?”

“Yes.”

“Well, thanks to that information you gave us, we’ve apprehended a suspect.”

“Good for you,” Jyn says, with forced cheer. Bodhi can practically see her patience wearing thin before his eyes.

“I'm glad you feel that way,” Detective Andor replies, tightly, and Bodhi thinks that Jyn probably isn't the only one who's running out of patience. “But, you see, we have a problem.  Our suspect claims he had a partner, somebody who masterminded the whole thing, and he’ll only tell us their name if we give him immunity.”

“Huh. That’s a real pickle,” Jyn says, flatly, as if the subject doesn't interest her at all.

“As you can imagine, we don't want to give in to our suspect’s demands, not when we can just arrest both of the people responsible,” Detective Andor continues, adopting a tone one would normally use when explaining a difficult subject to a child. “So, we’re trying to figure out who this accomplice is on our own. And that's why we’ve brought you here today.”

There's a full minute where Jyn just blinks at the detectives in confusion and Bodhi starts to worry that she's actually stopped functioning. He's about to grab her by the shoulder and shake her out of it when she blurts out, “I'm sorry, just so we’re clear, you want me to figure out the guy’s accomplice too?”  When they say nothing in response, Jyn continues, disbelieving, “I'm just curious, when do you two start chipping in?”

The detectives exchange a look at that, and Bodhi suddenly understands what is going on.

“Jyn,” he says as a warning.

“What?” Jyn snaps, turning on him.

Bodhi heaves a deep sigh before speaking. “They think you did it,” he says.

“I--” Jyn begins to say before turning to look at the detectives.  She must see the same thing in their faces that Bodhi did, because she suddenly freezes. “You think I'm the accomplice?” she asks, incredulity and anger making her voice go quiet.

The scariest thing about Jyn, in Bodhi’s opinion, is how calm she gets when she's really and truly angry.  The detectives in front of them might be well trained in reading people and analyzing evidence, but he's pretty sure they are in no way prepared for Jyn when she's actually furious.

“The evidence you gave to our tip line could only have come from someone with inside knowledge of the crimes,” Detective Tuesso says.

“That is not true.”

“What other explanation is there?” Detective Andor asks, sounding at least open to the possibility.

“Maybe I'm just a better detective than you are,” Jyn says, leaning back and crossing her arms over her chest, her tone casual but filled with malice. Bodhi does his best not to wince.

“Or, perhaps,” Detective Tuesso begins, “you realized your good luck was running out, that you and your partner would not be able to evade the police forever, and you decided it was time to cut your losses and turn him in.”

“And gave my name to an anonymous tip line while I was at it, just in the interest of fairness,” Jyn says, mockingly.  “Oh, and I also trusted that my partner--who I had just betrayed--wouldn't rat me out to the police!  You're right, I'm a criminal mastermind!”

“Jyn,” Bodhi says again, hoping she’ll actually heed the warning in his voice this time.

“You aren't offering us any other plausible explanations for your having such detailed information, Miss Erso,” Detective Andor says. “And if you can't do that, we’ll have to arrest you.”

It might just be that the precarious nature of their situation puts Bodhi in a dramatic mood, but he swears, in that moment in the interrogation room, that time actually stops, allowing him to see the exact second that Jyn comes up with a plan. There’s no mistaking the expression that comes over her face for anything other than pure, mischievous inspiration.

“Alright, alright, you got me!” Jyn says, and Bodhi thinks he might actually be having a heart attack. “I haven't been honest with you. But it's only because I--” Jyn breaks off and looks downward, the picture of innocence. “I didn't think you'd believe the truth.”

“And what exactly would that be?” Detective Tuesso asks, not looking convinced in the slightest.

“I'm psychic,” Jyn says and, yep, Bodhi is definitely having a heart attack. “I have the Gift. The Sight, if you will. That’s how I knew about those robberies. I saw them, with my third eye.”

The entire room seems to be holding its breath after Jyn’s “confession”.  No one seems to know what to do with themselves and Bodhi doesn't dare to even look at Jyn. He’s pretty sure if he so much as exhales, all hell will actually break loose.

The two detectives, recovering from their shock, both move at the exact same time.  Detective Tuesso stands abruptly and says, “If you're done wasting our time--”, while Detective Andor reaches across the table for the case file and says, “You mean to tell us--” before they're both interrupted.

Jyn, in a split second, leans forward and captures Detective Andor’s wrist in her hand.  She closes her eyes, as if trying to remember some long lost memory, and takes a deep breath. When she's finished, she looks Detective Andor directly in the eye and says, “You have to stop blaming yourself.  It wasn't your fault.”

“Excuse me?” He says, utterly bewildered.

“I hear screaming. Sirens,” Jyn says, waving her hands around her head in a way that Bodhi imagines is supposed to convey spirituality. “I smell...gunpowder? There was a shooting. You did...everything you could. Everything by the book.” Jyn pauses, then adds, “As always.”

Detective Andor looks petrified by this outburst. “How did you--” he begins to ask, his voice even quieter than usual.

“As I've told you, I have...abilities. Of the supernatural variety,” Jyn says. She seems to realize she's still holding his wrist and looks at it intently. “This is your first case back on active duty, am I correct?”

“Don't answer that,” Detective Tuesso cuts in.

Detective Andor looks at his partner like he had completely forgotten there was anyone else in the room, then looks back at Jyn.  He pulls his arm away from her like he's been scalded.  Jyn, for her part, looks back at him serenely.

“This is highly entertaining, Miss Erso,” Detective Tuesso begins to say, “but this proves absolutely nothing.  And moreover--”

“Ah, fuck!” Jyn yells, squeezing her eyes shut and rubbing her temples, as though she's got the world’s worst brain freeze. “That feels like…glass.  Broken glass. I can see it shattering. And there's a tall man there. He's very angry, and heartbroken. A lover’s spat, perhaps?”

“What are you--”

“Yes, definitely, an argument between lovers.  I see...a heart…and an arrow...and the letter S.  Does this mean anything to you?”

When the detectives say nothing in response, Jyn winces again. “Yes, of course. I see it clearly now. You have a man in custody here, about this tall,” Jyn says, gesturing well above both her and Bodhi’s heads. “The answers you seek are in his left boot.”

Both of the detectives are staring at her, completely mystified, and Detective Tuesso looks like he's about to make another attempt at bringing Jyn to order when there's three taps in quick succession on the one-way mirror.

“Excuse us a moment,” Detective Tuesso says, looking none too pleased with the interruption. “Come on,” he  says to his partner, who seems to be having more trouble tearing himself away.

They both depart, leaving Jyn and Bodhi alone in the interrogation room.  This would be a wonderful moment to confront Jyn about what the hell she thinks she's doing but unfortunately, they're not actually alone.

“I can hear you thinking from here,” Jyn says quietly.

“We’re not talking about this now. We can't,” Bodhi whispers urgently.

“I need you to relax,” Jyn responds. “Everything is fine, as far as you and I are concerned. Just, trust me. When have I ever lead you wrong?”

“Would you like that list in chronological order?”

Jyn makes a tsk sound in the back of her throat. “You can suck it,” she says petulantly.

“You suck it,” Bodhi fires back.

“No, you.”

“You.”

He and Jyn actually look at each other after that. “Suck it,” they both sing-song in harmony, like they're still teenagers and not the full-grown adults they're supposed to be acting like. Maybe there are worse people to be stuck in an interrogation room with, Bodhi thinks, at the exact moment Detectives Tuesso and Andor return.

“You're free to go,” Detective Tuesso says, looking pained.

Jyn rises immediately, grabbing Bodhi’s elbow to drag him up with her as she goes and giving him a kick in the ankle to get him moving towards the door.

“Not you,” Detective Tuesso says, pointing at Jyn.

“What?” Jyn cries. “But you just said--”

“We’re not arresting you,” Detective Andor says. “But Interim Chief Mothma would like to speak with you.  Alone,” he adds, when he sees Jyn and Bodhi exchange a look.

Bodhi is about to object when he feels Jyn give his elbow a reassuring squeeze. He turns to look at her and she's smiling like she always does when faced with a challenge. Go ahead, that smile is meant to say, I've got this.

“I think they're finally going to give me my giant novelty check,” she says before she breezes past him out the door.

***

Twenty minutes later, Jyn finds Bodhi pacing on the steps outside the precinct.  The look on his face must be more anguished than he realized because when he turns and sees her, she immediately throws both of her hands up in a don’t shoot gesture.

“Alright, before you yell at me—”

“What in the absolute fuck did you just do?!” he shouts.

“I said before you yell at me, dude! Come on!” Jyn practically whines.  “And what I just did was save our asses, so you’re welcome.”

“You wouldn’t have had to save my ass in the first place if you had just driven yourself to the precinct and left me out of it.”

Jyn opens her mouth to argue with him, but Bodhi continues before she can get a word in.  “And, furthermore, you just lied. To the police. About being a psychic. I mean, have you lost your damn mind?!”

“Hey, say it a little louder, why don’t you?” Jyn shouts back, and Bodhi sobers. “Feel better now?” She asks, when she’s given him a moment to collect himself. When he nods, she says, “I can’t believe you just furthermore’d me, man. You’re starting to sound like your mother.”

“Shut up,” Bodhi says, without heat. Jyn cracks a smile, which he finds himself returning tentatively. “What did the chief want to talk to you about?”

“Interim chief,” Jyn corrects, and Bodhi rolls his eyes at her. “She’s pregnant.”

“She wanted to tell you she’s pregnant?”

“No. I’m just telling you.”

“Why?”

“Because it’s badass,” Jyn says, gesticulating wildly. “A pregnant cop? How cool is that?”

“Jyn…”

“Sorry for trying to paint you a picture with my words, Bodhi! I thought maybe you felt left out!”

“I was deeply hurt,” Bodhi says, gravely. “Now, will you please tell me why you got called into a meeting with the chief of police?!”

“Interim chief! And she wants my help with a case,” Jyn says casually. She even has the audacity to shrug.

Bodhi’s pretty sure he’s actually gaping at her now. Like, his jaw is actually hanging open in shock. He’d be embarrassed, but he just doesn’t have the capacity for any other emotions at the moment.

“Why?” He finally manages to ask, after an embarrassingly long pause.

“Haven’t you heard?” Jyn says with a mischievous smile. “I’m Santa Barbara’s most preeminent psychic detective!”

Bodhi groans and puts his head on Jyn’s shoulder. She pats at him in a halfhearted consoling gesture.

“Can you be the ‘most preeminent’ something? Does that work grammatically?” She asks, nonchalantly.

“Don’t you dare try to distract me with grammar, Jyn,” Bodhi warns. “This is the craziest thing I’ve ever heard.”

“I know for a fact you listened to all of R. Kelly’s ‘Trapped in a Closet’, so there’s no way that’s true.”

“It was before he got weird!”

“No, it wasn’t.”

“I don’t even know how you did that back there,” Bodhi cries, getting them back to the subject at hand.

“What?”

“All that stuff you said in the interrogation room! How did you do it?”

“You know about my observation thing,” Jyn says, brow furrowing in confusion.

“Yeah, but that stuff with the detective. How did you know all that?”

Jyn sighs, as if explaining her skills is a huge burden. “I saw in the paper a few weeks ago that there’d been a shooting and the police had been involved.”

“They wouldn’t have published the officer’s name,” Bodhi interjects.

“No,” Jyn concedes. “But the officer at the front desk was asking about how the new guy was doing, being back from administrative leave. The cop he was talking to was the one who brought us into the interrogation room, so clearly he had been working with our detectives on the robbery case.  And most of the cops in the SBPD are still left over from my mom’s time there—at least the ones that are old enough to make detective—and I didn’t recognize Detective Andor, so I figured it could have been him. Standard administrative leave is two weeks, the shooting happened roughly that long ago, and I noticed the bags under his eyes, like he hadn’t been sleeping well. So, I took a stab in the dark. So to speak.”

“Jyn, all of that is totally circumstantial. What if you’d been wrong?” Bodhi says, even though he’s a little in awe of what he’s just heard.

“Luckily, I wasn’t,” Jyn says simply.

“What about all that stuff with the heart and the shapes and the letter?” Bodhi asks.

“Oh,” Jyn says, as if she’s already forgotten. “Our carjacker from the lobby had a tattoo on his ankle. One of those hearts that’s been shot through with an arrow. And it had the name ‘Susan’ wrapped around it, on a banner. Figured if Susan was his wife, she probably filed the charges against him and the letter would jog their memory if nothing else did.”

“This is unbelievable,” Bodhi says, shaking his head. “And what does the Chief want from you?”

“Interim chief. And she wants me to help them with a kidnapping case.”

“I’m a little nervous about the strength of our police force if they have to hire you to solve a kidnapping.”

“I know, right?” Jyn says. “Apparently, it’s the heir to some hoity-toity family’s fortune that’s gone missing. The family is close with the governor and Interim Chief Mothma is under a lot of pressure to solve this thing quickly.”

“They think this guy is still alive?”

“I guess so.”

“Huh,” Bodhi says. “Are they paying you?”

“In a manner of speaking.”

“So, that’s a no.”

“It’s more that they’re paying me by not arresting me,” Jyn says. “And only if I deliver.”

“And what happens if you don’t?” Bodhi asks, not totally convinced he wants to know the answer.

“They’ll arrest me for obstruction of justice,” Jyn says simply.

“Damn it, Jyn.”

“I don’t know why you’re so worried. This is like my two greatest strengths: observation and bullshitting. My whole life has been preparation for this!”

“Only you would see having to prove to the police that you’re psychic by solving a high profile missing persons case as a fun challenge.  Do I need to remind you you’re not actually psychic, or are you at least still mildly self-aware?” Bodhi asks.

“Bodhi, don’t be an under-whipped meringue! I know what I’m doing!” Jyn says, and he has to admit, he can’t remember the last time she was this excited about anything. “Now, do you want to go interrogate some fancy white people with me, or not? I bet they own some Baroque art or whatever that you can nerd out about while I investigate.”

“Jyn, I can’t,” Bodhi says, and he thinks he sees Jyn’s face fall, just for a second, before she quickly hides her reaction. “I have to get back to office, I have a million calls to return. I can’t get involved with one of your crazy schemes today, I’ve lost enough time already.”

As soon as it’s out of his mouth, he knows it was the wrong thing to say. He and Jyn don’t fight, not really, and any spats they do have are over as quickly as they begin, usually because they start punching each other and get it out of their systems. What does happen occasionally, though, is that Jyn will shut him out—when she feels rejected in any way, or when she’s going through her own stuff that she doesn’t want to talk about. Bodhi sees the neutral mask that immediately goes over her features and he knows she’s upset by what he’s just said.

“Jyn—” he starts to say, reaching for her.

“Don’t worry about it,” Jyn interrupts, already looking around for her exit, instead of looking at him. “I’m gonna get a cab. I’ll talk to you later.”

As she passes by, she claps Bodhi on the shoulder and then she’s gone.

***

Just like they don’t fight, he and Jyn also don’t apologize. It took some getting used to in the beginning for Bodhi, a naturally nervous person for whom apologizing—even when nothing is his fault—is just a reflex.  Jyn, on the other hand, never apologizes for anything. If the phrase “I’m sorry” comes out of her mouth, it’s always a transitional phrase at best, and sarcastic at worst. Over the years, Bodhi has warmed to Jyn’s way of dealing with things. On the rare occasions they do actually fight, Jyn will disappear for a few days and then resume contact as if nothing ever happened. She just needs time and space to get over herself sometimes.  And once she has, she doesn’t hold a grudge, at least not when it comes to him. Old issues don’t come back up in arguments years later with her, the way they do in Bodhi’s other relationships. It’s a fault he’ll readily admit he has as well, never letting old grievances go, so it’s probably just as well Jyn isn’t like that with him. Maybe, every once in a while, they actually do bring out the best in each other.

All of this is to say, when Bodhi doesn’t hear from Jyn for three days after their conversation outside of the police station, he’s not actually worried. It’s pretty standard behavior from her, and, even without their weird conflict, they don’t always talk everyday anyway. There’s the niggling concern in the back of his mind that she’s working on a case, and she could actually be in danger and that’s why he hasn’t heard from her, but it’s not enough to really drive him to distraction.

Still, his relief when he gets a call from her on that third day is immediate and a little overwhelming. It’s short-lived, however, when he hears how tired she sounds on the phone and when she asks, tentatively, if he’ll come pick her up because her bike broke down on some isolated back road. His keys are in his hand before he even hangs up and the next thing he knows he’s calling over his shoulder to the woman at the front desk that he’ll be out all afternoon with a family emergency.

It’s nearly forty minutes later that Bodhi actually finds her, because, while Jyn did her best to explain where she was, she is stranded on a truly deserted back road and there’s no landmarks nearby for reference. When he arrives, Jyn is still trying to get her bike to start, with no success. Her jeans are covered in mud, her hands are coated with black grease from working on the motorcycle, and Bodhi is pretty sure she hasn’t brushed her hair since he saw her last. She looks a complete mess, and worry bubbles up in Bodhi’s throat just seeing her.

He pulls over, throws the car in park, and gets out in something of a daze, but he can’t actually bring himself to say a word. Anything he says will betray his concern, and there’s nothing that raises Jyn’s hackles more than being fretted over. When she makes eye contact with him, he says, “You look great,” because he can’t come up with anything else and Jyn’s face breaks into a relieved smile.

“Yeah, well, you know what they say,” she responds, gesturing at herself with one hand. “Dress for the job you want.”

“You want to be Farmer Hoggett?”

“Danny Zuko, actually,” Jyn says, waving her motor oil-stained hands at him. She follows up the gesture with a heavy sigh, and all the energy seems to drain out of her at once.

“You’ve only been a fake psychic detective for three days, Jyn,” Bodhi jokes. “You can’t be tired of it already.”

“Watch me,” she says through a yawn. “And I may be a fake psychic, but I’m a real detective, thank you very much.”

“You have the bags under your eyes to prove it,” Bodhi says, the only way he can think of to bring up her disheveled state.

“Thanks, they’re vintage.”

“I thought so,” Bodhi replies, and then he decides they’ve goofed around enough, given the situation. “Seriously, Jyn, what happened? Are you hurt?”

“I’m fine,” she says, reflexively. “I hurt my knee when the bike crapped out, but that’s that worst of it. I just need a ride home, so I can change my clothes and keep working on the case.”

Bodhi wants to ask more questions, but he knows Jyn is probably frustrated enough as it is and she’ll probably be more inclined to talk once they’re on their way.

“Okay,” he says, inclining his head towards his car. When Jyn starts to move towards him, he asks, “What are you going to do about your bike?”

“I got a guy coming to pick it up. He’ll bring it home for me,” Jyn says, as Bodhi holds open the passenger side door for her.

“You should bring it to a mechanic.”

“You should suck it,” Jyn counters. “I can fix my own bike.”

“Clearly,” Bodhi says, gesturing at the dejected looking motorcycle behind them. Jyn scowls at him from her seat as he closes the car door.

Once he’s back in the driver’s seat and they’re on their way back to Santa Barbara, Bodhi looks over at Jyn. Up close, she looks even more exhausted than he initially thought.

“When was the last time you slept?” He wonders aloud.

Jyn gives the appearance of thinking it over before saying, “When did we last see each other?”

“Three days ago.”

“Sometime before that, then.”

“Good grief,” Bodhi mutters. “How are you even alive right now?”

“I’m not. I’m a ghost. I’ve been a ghost this whole time,” Jyn says, drily.

“How dare I care about your well being,” he says, shaking his head bitterly.

For once, the guilt trip actually seems to have an effect on Jyn, because she sobers a little and says, “You’d be amazed what a great motivator the threat of jail time can be.”

“I honestly forgot all about that,” Bodhi says, keeping his eyes on the road.

“Really? You?”

“I guess I just had no doubt you’d solve the damn thing,” he replies, with a shrug. “You’re Jyn. You’ve never met a crazy situation you couldn’t get yourself out of.”

When he chances another look in her direction, she’s looking back at him with a serious expression. “Your faith in me is undeserved,” she says. “But appreciated.”

“Anything for you,” Bodhi says, and he means it. They’re always going to be there for each other; it’s what best friends are for.

They drive in companionable silence for a few minutes, and Bodhi wonders how he’s going to get her to tell him about the case. He doesn’t have long to worry about it, though, because the next thing he knows, he sees flashing lights in his rear view mirror and hears a siren blaring.

“Jyn,” Bodhi says warningly as he pulls over. “What did you do?”

When he looks over at her, however, she looks just as confused as Bodhi feels. This must be a surprise to her as well.

Still, Bodhi can’t help but add, “You better tell me now, so we can get our stories straight.”

“I have no idea what’s going on,” Jyn says, shrugging. She reaches over and gives his arm a squeeze, then adds, “But I’m glad to have you on my side.”

The cop who’s just pulled them over taps on the window, and Bodhi does his best not to jump. He rolls down the window.

“Good afternoon, officer. What can I do for you?” Bodhi asks, trying to sound casual and definitely failing.

“License and registration,” the cop says, and Bodhi hurries to oblige. He hands over the items, but the cop is looking at Jyn very intently.

“You look familiar,” he says to her.

“I was the model for the Morton’s Salt Girl,” Jyn says immediately, and Bodhi has to suppress the urge to smack her.

The officer looks up from Bodhi’s license when she speaks. “Hey, that’s it. You’re Lyra’s kid, aren’t you?” He asks, finally cracking a smile.

“Guilty as charged,” Jyn says with a rueful smile, and Bodhi has to resist the urge to smack her again. He settles for glaring at her instead.

“I worked with your mom for a long time, right up until she retired,” the officer says, his whole demeanor changed to one of friendliness. “How’s she doing?”

“Oh, you know. She’s in Miami. Livin la vida loca, and all that,” Jyn says, casually, as if she’s spoken to her mother mother recently, which Bodhi knows for a fact she hasn’t.

The officer, for his part, looks confused. “Is that so?” He asks. “Because I saw her at the Safeway just last month.”

“She was just visiting,” Jyn lies, automatically.

“She told me she was moving back to the old house,” the cop says.

“Well, you’re just remarkably well informed, aren’t you?” Jyn says, feigning sweetness.

“Uh, is there a problem here, officer?” Bodhi asks, trying to distract the cop from asking Jyn any more questions.

“One of your tail lights is out,” the officer says, turning his attention back to Bodhi reluctantly. “You need to get that fixed,” he adds, handing Bodhi back his license and registration.

“Absolutely, sir. I will. Right away,” Bodhi says eagerly.

The officer nods. “Alright, then. You two have a good rest of your day, now. And tell your mom Officer Macklin says hello,” he adds to Jyn.

“You got it,” Jyn says, already turning away from him.

The cop heads back to his own car and Bodhi pulls away carefully. It isn’t until the cop car is a tiny, retreating speck in the rear view mirror that Bodhi chances speaking to Jyn.

“Your mom is back in Santa Barbara?” He asks carefully.

“Apparently,” Jyn says with an unconvincing shrug. She’s looking down at her phone instead of meeting his eye.

“You want me to bring you to her house instead?” Bodhi asks, looking back and forth between her and the road.

“No need. Liverpool has a match today,” Jyn says, looking up from her phone. “And there’s only one bar in town that will put football on the TV. Take your next right.”

***

If anyone were to ask him, Bodhi would say he loves Jyn’s parents like they’re his own, but he’s also pretty glad that they’re not. Growing up, he spent a lot of time at Jyn’s house and he got to know Galen and Lyra Erso fairly well. He’d always been closer to Jyn’s dad, who was always interested in Bodhi’s school projects and honors classes. They had a lot of similar interests, which couldn’t be said of Bodhi and his father. Bodhi loves his dad, and he knows his dad loves him, but they don’t always have a lot to talk about. So it was nice to talk to Galen, every now and then, and imagine what it would be like.

Jyn, for her part, was always closer with her dad too, but, because his job had him traveling a lot, she spent a lot more time with her mother, whose odd hours as a cop meant she could be around for her kid more often than her husband could. Lyra is hard to describe; she’s not a particularly warm person, but she is undeniably generous and invested in others. That’s always been Bodhi’s experience, at least. For the longest time, he assumed Jyn’s mother hated him, as she never seemed happy to see him. It took time for him to realize that she showed affection more practically than that. She has never forgotten a single thing Bodhi has ever told her, he’s pretty sure, which is how she remembers things like his mom’s birthday and her favorite kind of flowers to send every year, and how, all through his high school years, she knew his top choice colleges—in order—by heart after he mentioned them to her once.  Much like he came around to Jyn’s unique personality, Bodhi eventually realized that Lyra’s intense questions and no-nonsense attitude were the product of her caring very deeply, rather than not caring at all. It was easier for him, though. She wasn’t his actual mother and if she ever got to be too much for him, he could just go home. Jyn didn’t have that option.

For as long as he can remember, Jyn and her mother have been like oil and water; they just do not mix. It would be easy to blame the animosity on Jyn’s parents’ divorce when she and Bodhi were in high school, but the conflicts between Jyn and Lyra were going on long before that. Jyn has always resented her mother for raising her basically from birth to become a cop, without taking her daughter’s personality or interests into account. When her parents separated, things only got worse, especially when her parents agreed, without consulting her, that she would live full time with her mother. From there, Jyn’s rebellious streak only got worse and as soon as she turned eighteen, she was out of her mother’s house.

About a year ago, Lyra retired early from the police force and moved all the way to Miami. Bodhi

never expected Jyn to come back to Santa Barbara permanently, but if there was one thing that didn’t surprise him about her return, it was that she waited until her mother was gone to do so.  

But Lyra was back now too. The proof was right in front of them as they entered the pub. Jyn’s mother was sitting alone at a table near the bar with a full beer in front of her, her eyes on the television that was set to the football match.

Jyn makes an annoyed noise in the back of her throat, which brings Bodhi’s attention back to her. “What is it? What’s the matter?”

“Nothing, it’s just—” Jyn pauses to roll her eyes. “She’s such a cop, that’s all. I mean, she can see every possible exit from her seat. Does she ever take a day off?”

“She’s retired,” Bodhi points out.

“You can’t retire from being a pain in the ass.”

“That’s lovely, Jyn,” Bodhi says. “You ought to cross-stitch that on a pillow.”

“And you ought to suck it,” Jyn shoots back, pleasantly.

“No, I insist. You suck it,” he replies, and throws his arm out in an after you gesture.

Jyn shakes her head at him. “Here we go,” she says, like she’s approaching an executioner, and not her mother.

As they cross from the door to where Jyn’s mother is sitting, something occurs to Bodhi. “Wait, what do I call her?” He asks suddenly.

“What are you talking about?” Jyn asks under her breath.

“I normally call her Mrs. Erso, but your parents are divorced now, yeah?”

“Funny story,” Jyn says, though the grim look on her face says otherwise. “They’re actually not.”

“Wait, what? It’s been, like, 10 years!”

“Believe me, I know.”

“So, what are they, if not divorced?”

“Hella estranged,” Jyn says with a shrug.

“Is that the legal term?” Bodhi asks, unamused.

“Yes.”

“Seriously, what do I call her, Jyn?”

“I don’t know, dude. Call her Deputy Dog, for all I care,” Jyn whisper-shouts at him. By then, they’ve reached her mother’s table, and Jyn says, “Hey, Mom!” as if she’s surprised to see her there. In her mother’s favorite pub. Where they specifically came looking for her.

“Jyn,” her mom says with a nod. Bodhi’s fairly certain she saw them come in. Hell, she might have spotted them before they got to the door. She’s that good. “Hello, Bodhi. How are you?” she says, turning her attention to him and offering her hand to shake.

“Hello, Mrs. Erso,” he responds. She has the strongest handshake of anyone he knows. It’s like she took a seminar or something. “It’s good to see you again.”

“Are you still working in pharmaceuticals?” she asks, taking a sip of her beer.

“Yes.”

“Good for you. It’s nice to see some young people are able to hold down a job for more than six months.”

Jyn rolls her eyes at the obvious dig in her direction. Bodhi coughs to mask his discomfort and mumbles a response.

“Bodhi would ask about how Miami is treating you, but, unfortunately, you’re not in Miami. You’re here,” Jyn says, her voice pitchy with annoyance.

“I didn’t care for Miami,” Lyra says simply. “Too humid. Too many nightclubs. I got bored.”

“And you didn’t think to tell me you were coming back because…?”

“You would have to call me on occasion to know anything about my life, dear,” Lyra says. “Or return my calls. But you don’t. Besides, if I had told you, I’m sure you would have scurried off to some new town to get away from me as soon as you found out.” When Jyn doesn’t say anything in response, Lyra asks, “Am I wrong?”

Jyn only shrugs in return. “I guess we’ll never know, will we?” She says, after a long pause.

“Indeed,” Lyra says, giving her daughter’s appearance an unimpressed glance. “What happened to you?” She asks.

Jyn looks down at her clothes, which are still covered in mud from earlier. “Oh, this? This is the fashion, Mom. All the kids are doing it.” When Lyra continues to look at her expectantly, Jyn relents and says, “My bike broke down on this muddy back road. I was trying to fix it, but Bodhi had to come get me.”

“I hate that stupid bike,” Lyra says. “You should get a reliable car. Like Bodhi has.”

“Bodhi has a company car, Mom,” Jyn says, exasperated. “And it looks like a blueberry.”

“Hey,” Bodhi interjects. “My car is nice.”

Jyn waves him off as her mother asks, “And you have nothing better to do on a weekday than drive around on your motorcycle? Do you even have a job?”

“As a matter of fact, I do,” Jyn says, as she pulls out the seat across from her mother and drops into it, “I happen to be working for the SBPD. On a case. And an important one at that!”

Bodhi doesn’t point out that the police aren’t paying her and that she’ll go to jail if she fails, mostly because he knows that Jyn just said it to get a reaction out of her mother. And she certainly gets it. Lyra’s face drops and she asks, astonished, “You? Working for the police?”

“Just like you always wanted,” Jyn says, leaning back in her seat triumphantly.

“I wanted you to become a cop. A real police officer,” Lyra says sharply. “Am I right in assuming that’s not what happened?”

“I’m consulting,” Jyn says, which is being awfully generous, Bodhi thinks to himself.

“And why would they want you to consult on a case?”

“Because,” Jyn begins, and Bodhi can see her trying to figure out what to tell her mother that will be easier than the truth. She sighs, closing her eyes, bracing herself. “Because I told them I was psychic.”

Lyra blinks a few times, very quickly, but otherwise shows no signs of shock. “You did what now?” She finally asks.

“I’ve been calling in tips to the police, stuff I’ve noticed from the news or the paper, using the skills you taught me,” Jyn explains. “But the last time, I gave them my name, by accident. And they kind of thought I was responsible for the crime. I told them I was psychic so they wouldn’t arrest me.”

“And then they just hired you to work on a case?” Lyra asks, disbelieving. “No questions asked?”

“Basically,” Jyn says with a shrug. Once again, she conveniently leaves out the part where she’ll be arrested if she doesn’t solve the case, but Bodhi still thinks it’s better not to mention it.

Lyra, for her part, seems to know Jyn isn’t telling her the whole story and she’s clearly weighing whether it’s worth interrogating her daughter further. “That department has really gone downhill since I left,” she says instead.

“Thanks, Mom.”

“So why are you here?”

“What do you mean?” Jyn asks. “I heard from Officer Macklemore—”

“Macklin,” Bodhi corrects.

“I’ve heard it both ways,” Jyn says to him, before looking back at her mother. “Anyway, I heard from Officer Macbook that you were back in town, and I came to confront you about it.”

“How is Macklin, anyway? Last time I saw him, his arthritis was acting up and giving him a lot of trouble,” Lyra says.

“How would I know anything about his arthritis?” Jyn asks impatiently. “All he said was to tell you hi from him.”

“Well, that’s very nice of him,” Lyra says pleasantly.

“Mom!”

“What, Jyn?” Lyra suddenly snaps. “You expect me to believe that you actually came here because you were so upset that I hadn’t told you I was back in town. Do you think I’m stupid? I know you don’t care! So, you can either tell me what you really want from me, or we can keep talking about my old coworker’s joint problems. Either way suits me fine.”

The silence that follows Lyra’s outburst is excruciatingly awkward. Jyn has a look on her face that Bodhi has never seen before, and he’s pretty sure it’s because she’s about to burst into tears. In their time as friends, Bodhi has seen Jyn go through some shit, including some truly awful arguments with her mother, but he’s never once seen her cry. He has no idea what to do in this situation—will reaching out for her make it worse? Should they just leave? Before he can do anything, though, Jyn drops her head into her hands and sighs.

“I can’t figure it out,” she says, shakily. “I cannot figure this damn case out. I mean, I found the bodies and everything, but it still doesn’t make sense. The cops think it’s a murder-suicide, open and shut. But it doesn’t feel right and I can’t prove otherwise.”

Lyra is looking at Jyn intently, waiting for her to say more, but she doesn’t. She just sits there, head in hands, looking small and exhausted. After what feels like an eternity, Lyra speaks. “How many hats?” She asks quietly.

Jyn takes her hands away from her face to glare at her mother. “What?”

“How many hats are there in the room?” Lyra asks again, even more calmly.

“I heard you. I just can’t believe you want me to do this right now!”

“You’re out of practice, and you’ve gotten soft. That’s why you can’t solve the case,” Lyra suggests with a shrug. “Now, tell me how many hats.”

“Mom, this is a stupid game from when I was a kid. I’m not gonna—”

“If you can’t do it, just say so.”

“Ten,” Jyn says, not breaking eye contact.

“Go on, then. And don’t cheat.”

Jyn sighs, a deep, frustrated noise, and closes her eyes. “Four baseball caps on the guys at the bar,” she says. “The couple in the booth at the back are both wearing cowboy hats; his is leather, hers is straw. The family at the table in the corner have a baby in a sun hat and a boy in one of those rainbow beanies with the spinner on top, which I didn’t even know existed in real life, so that’s interesting. There’s a captain’s hat hanging on the wall with all of the other junk that counts as decor in this godforsaken place. And when we came in, the chef was out talking to the bartender and he was wearing a hat. I assume we were going from when we walked in, yeah?” Jyn asks smugly.

Lyra nods and smiles. “You missed one,” she says.

“No, I didn’t.”

“Yes, you did. The woman at the bar.”

Jyn doesn’t even look. “She’s wearing a visor. A visor isn’t a hat.”

“What is it, then?”

“Ugly,” Jyn says, simply. “And it’s red, because I know that’s what you’re going to ask next.”

“Not bad,” Lyra admits.

“I’m not out of practice,” Jyn says fiercely. “I’m as sharp as I’ve ever been.”

“You just needed to focus on something else, instead of the case,” Lyra says. “You were getting so bogged down in the particulars that you couldn’t think straight. Happened to me all the time, when I was on the force. I’ll bet your mind feels clearer now, doesn’t it?”

Jyn blinks at her mother in disbelief. “Were you actually being helpful just now?” She asks.

“Believe it or not, I’m usually trying to help you, Jyn. Even when you think I’m not.”

Jyn looks at her mother for a long moment, her brow furrowed in concentration. Suddenly, she slaps her palm on the table and turns to Bodhi. “I need you to bring me to the police station,” she says, urgently.

“Did you figure it out?” He asks.

“No, but I’m going to. I just need to look at the case file again.”

“How are you going to do that?”

“I know a guy,” Jyn says vaguely.

“Alright. Do you want to go home and change first?” Bodhi asks, gesturing at her still-muddy clothing.

“What? No! Honestly, I think I might be onto something. This is a Look, right here,” Jyn says, standing up.

“If you say so,” Bodhi says, as she starts pulling him towards the door.

They don’t make it far, however, before Jyn stops suddenly. She turns halfway back to her mother, looking completely lost. A moment of deliberation passes before Jyn says, “Thanks, Mom.”

Lyra looks up at her daughter and surprise flashes across her face, briefly. She raises her beer in salute and Jyn smiles.

“To the blueberry!” She shouts at Bodhi, and links their arms together.

“We’re not calling it that,” he says, only to be ignored. “Jyn, I’m serious!”

Jyn pushes the door open and drags him out into the night, still paying his complaints no mind.

***

“Sorry, I’m still not clear on why he’d be willing to help us,” Bodhi says, keeping his voice low so as not to attract any further notice from the other cops at the precinct.

“Quid pro quo,” Jyn says, kicking her feet up on the desk in front of her. “I helped him, he’ll help me.”

“He said that?”

“His eyes did.”

“What did his mouth say?” Bodhi asks, suppressing an eye roll.

“I don’t know. I wasn’t listening. I was too busy staring longingly into his eyes.”

“You’re ridiculous,” he says, shaking his head. “How exactly did you help him?”

“I solved that stupid armed robbery case for him,” Jyn says.

“You did?” Bodhi asks. “That’s amazing. Doesn’t that mean they can’t arrest you for it now?”

“They can’t arrest me for that, but they can arrest me for obstruction still.”

“Damn. So who was the guy’s partner?”

“Ah, that’s the thing,” Jyn says, relishing her Poirot moment a little too much. “He didn’t have one.”

“What?”

“He made it up, to get the immunity deal. Created this whole shadowy figure who masterminded all the robberies to stall the police and he took a gamble that they’d believe him. It was complete bullshit.”

“How did you figure that out?” Bodhi asks, astonished.

“Miss Erso is extremely well-versed in the art of bullshit,” a voice says from behind him. He turns to see Detective Andor approaching them with a cup of coffee in his hand.

“Oh, Detective. I’ve asked you to call me Jyn, and I meant it,” Jyn says, her face lighting up with mischief.

“And I’ve never asked you for anything, so I don’t really understand what you’re doing here,” he shoots back. “And with your feet on my desk, no less!”

Jyn swings her feet off the desk and onto the floor in one graceful motion. “You need to lighten up, Detective, or you’re gonna go gray prematurely,” she says. “Then again, you’d look distinguished, so maybe it’s worth it.”

“What can I do for you, Miss Erso?” He asks, looking tired.

“Jyn. And I need to see the file for the McCallum case.”

“Can’t you see it with your third eye?”

“Would you look at that?” Jyn says to Bodhi, gesturing at Detective Andor. “He’s handsome and funny! If he has a good job, I’m putting a ring on it.”

Bodhi is about to roll his eyes at Jyn’s antics, but out of the corner of his eye, he sees Detective Andor crack a smile. Maybe Jyn’s antics aren’t as unwelcome as he thought after all.

“As flattered as I am, how do you know I’m not spoken for?” Detective Andor asks.

“I saw it with my third eye,” Jyn says, and he laughs.

“Mm. Good one. No, really. Do your,” he gestures at her with his coffee mug, “psychic thing. On me.”

Jyn’s eyebrows shoot up at that and Bodhi can see her resisting the urge to turn the detective’s statement into a dirty joke. “I don’t have to,” she says, finally.

“Sorry?”

“I don’t have to ‘do my psychic thing’,” Jyn says, using air quotes. “Anyone with eyes could see that you're single.”

“Is that so?”

“Yeah. First of all, you’re a cop, just like my mother. It didn’t help her in the romance department, either,” Jyn says, like she’s letting him in on a secret. “You lot work all the time, hence the bags under your eyes and the fact that you’re here right now, on a Friday night.”

“I could be leaving,” he suggests.

“You have coffee. At 8 PM.”

“Could be decaf.”

“It isn’t,” Jyn says with certainty. “You’re about to pull an all nighter to work on a case. And then you’ll eventually go home to your lonely bachelor pad and eat a meal for one you picked up in the freezer section because you’re ‘too busy’ to cook for yourself. How am I doing?”

“You’re close,” Detective Andor says, trying to be evasive. “But I could have a spouse who’s okay with me working Friday nights.”

“You could,” Jyn allows. “But you also don’t wear a ring.”

“Maybe I just don’t wear it at work.”

“That’s a possibility. But I don’t think so.” Jyn pauses for a second, watching the detective. “Come on, how’d I do?”

“Devastatingly accurate,” Detective Andor concedes. “Except for one part.”

“What’s that?”

“I’m a really good cook,” he says, sitting on his desk in the spot recently vacated by Jyn’s feet. She smiles up at him, delighted, and Bodhi’s pretty sure if he doesn’t do something they could be here all night. He clears his throat awkwardly.

Both of them startle, like they’d forgotten about him entirely. Detective Andor takes a sip of his coffee and places the mug on the desk. “What do you need the file for?” He asks, not quite looking at Jyn.

“Sometimes I do get random visions,” Jyn lies with ease. “But most of the time, my gift requires inspiration. I’m hoping something in the file will trigger it.”

“That case is basically wrapped up, though. I heard it was a murder-suicide between the McCallum kid and the guy he hired to fake his kidnapping,” Detective Andor says.

“I’m not convinced,” Jyn says seriously.

“Hey, from what I hear, they wouldn’t have found that cabin without you,” Detective Andor says, adopting a soothing tone. “Your work here is done. Don’t overthink it.”

“I’m thinking it just the right amount, thank you,” she replies. Detective Andor looks as if he is about to say something else, so she adds, quickly, “You have two options here, as I see it. You can get me that file now, or you can spend the whole night talking in circles with me, finishing none of your own work, and then you can get me the file.”

“Sounds like I’m getting you the file either way.”

“It’s just a matter of whether you have your dignity intact when you do,” Jyn says, throwing in a shrug for good measure. “Choose your own adventure, Detective,”

Detective Andor makes a big show of looking around, and then stands up. “I’ll be right back,” he says, needlessly, and walks away.

Jyn and Bodhi watch him go in silence for a few seconds, before Bodhi asks, “What’s going on there?”

“What do you mean?”

“You’re flirting with cops now?”

“I was not flirting with him,” Jyn says, scandalized.

“Jyn, please.”

“I wasn’t,” she says, and she actually stamps her foot, like a child. “I can’t stand cops, you know that.”

“Right. You can’t stand that guy. You can’t stand him so much you just spent ten minutes pestering him about his marital status,” Bodhi says, unimpressed.

“He asked me to!”

“Oh, don’t get me wrong. He can’t stand you either. He can’t stand the idea of making you dinner in his tiny, sad apartment and he can’t stand the idea of having beautiful, hyper-observant children with you someday.”

“Bodhi,” Jyn says, slapping at him ineffectually. She’s laughing too hard to do so accurately.

“It’s one thing to seduce and abandon half the food service professionals in Santa Barbara, Jyn, but please don’t start sleeping with cops and never calling them again. My heart can’t take it,” Bodhi says, only half joking.

“I’m not gonna sleep with him,” Jyn replies, looking offended.

“Uh huh.”

“I’m not! Jesus!”

“You, Jyn Erso, are a bisexual menace to society,” he says gravely.

“I’m a bisexual philanthropist, thank you very much, and you, Bodhi Rook, can suck it,” she shoots back easily and lands a solid slap on his arm.

They’re still scuffling like that when Detective Andor returns and drops a file on the desk in front of Jyn. Her face lights up and she tears into the folder with enthusiasm. In addition to Jyn’s many other gifts, she’s also a very fast reader, so she makes short work of scanning through the entire file on the McCallum case. She flops back in the chair once she’s done with the last page, and Bodhi is pretty sure that’s not a good sign.

“Nothing?” He asks.

“Nothing,” Jyn confirms. She rubs her eyes. “I don’t even know what I’m looking for. It’s just that...something doesn’t feel right.”

“How so?” Detective Andor asks.

“It’s just a vibe I have.”

“This is some sort of psychic thing? Vibes?”

“You don’t get vibes? I thought everybody got those,” Jyn says.

“I’ve always thought of it more as intuition,” Detective Andor says with a shrug. “It’s not really a spiritual thing.”

“Well, the spirits are telling me there’s more to this case than meets the eye.”

“Your spirits can’t be more specific?”

“Apparently not,” Jyn says, closing the case file with more force than is really necessary. She tosses it gently back to Detective Andor. “Thanks, anyway.”

“Look, if you don’t mind me saying so, this could all be in your head,” he says. When Jyn gives him an annoyed look, he continues, “Hear me out. This probably isn’t the way you saw this case shaking out. Maybe it’s not that you missed something, or that there’s some cosmic imbalance afoot. Maybe you’re just disappointed. But that’s the work. You’ll have to get used to it if you want to keep doing this.”

“Keep doing what?”

“Consulting. You lead us right to the bodies. It might not be the way anyone wanted the case to end up, but you helped solve it. I wouldn’t be surprised if Interim Chief Mothma wanted to use you again.”

Jyn shakes her head. “You know what I still can’t wrap my head around?” She asks, rather than address what Detective Andor has said.

“How to accept a compliment?” Detective Andor suggests.

“Technically, everything you just said was a fact. None of it was actual praise,” Jyn says. Detective Andor gives her a half-smile and motions for her to continue. “What I don’t understand is why everyone thought this McCallum kid had finally turned his life around. From what I hear, this wasn’t his first try at it. He’d screwed it up before. And you even have a report in there of an incident between him and his father that got so heated the neighbors called the cops to intervene. Why was everyone in that family so surprised that this guy was still up to his old bullshit?”

“People can change,” Detective Andor says simply.

“You don’t honestly believe that, do you?” Jyn asks. When he just shrugs in response, she says, “But you’re a cop!”

“And I wouldn’t be one if I didn’t think this work could make a difference in someone’s life,” he says. “The McCallums didn’t think their son had changed. They hoped he had.”

“Lot of good that did them.”

“Better than the alternative, right? I’d rather hope for the best, than anticipate the worst all the time.”

“That’s a terrible way for a cop to think!”

“I didn’t say that’s the way I actually think,” he says. “Just that it’s how I would rather think.”

“You’re full of shit,” Jyn says, but she looks amused. Fond, even.

“See if I ever help you again,” Detective Andor says, gesturing at her with the case file. “I’m going to put this back before someone misses it,” he adds, and takes off, leaving Jyn and Bodhi alone again.

“That was a very tender moment between you two. I’m glad I got to be here for it,” Bodhi says, for lack of anything better to contribute.

Jyn snorts. “Shut up,” she says, but the expression on her face says her thoughts are still far off.

“Did it help?” Bodhi asks, nudging her with his foot.

“What?” Jyn says, turning her attention to him.

“Anything Detective Andor just said.”

“Oh, no.” Jyn responds, then winces. “I mean, it’s not bad advice, but I just can’t get over this feeling that I’m missing something. I just don’t believe it, you know? That this rich kid botched his own kidnapping so badly that his dirtbag partner turned on him, killed him, and then killed himself because he couldn’t live with the guilt. Oh, and speaking of guilt, this kid’s strict father felt so badly about his son’s disappearance that he apparently tried to kill himself too? Even though he tried to write his son out of his will for being a fuck up? Like, none of it adds up. It doesn’t feel right at all.”

“Wait, what happened with his father?”

“He had this will drawn up—”

“No, you told me about that. You didn’t mention his suicide attempt.”

“Oh, well, I don’t know that for sure,” Jyn says. “When I visited the McCallum house, Mr. McCallum had a bandage on his wrist and he got antsy when I asked him about it. But I overheard some of the help talking and they were saying he tried to kill himself after his son disappeared.”

“So that’s all speculation,” Bodhi says.

“Well, yeah.”

“But you don’t believe it?”

“I mean, it could be anything, really. I tried to look through their medicine cabinets to see if I saw anything that would suggest what kind of injury it was, but it was mostly generic stuff, like ibuprofen and allergy medicine. The only name I didn’t recognize was Zin...Zinfandel?”

“That’s a wine, Jyn.”

“Damn it. Uh, Zin… zinacef? Is that something?”

“Yeah. Zinacef is a brand name for cefuroxime. It’s an antibiotic.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, for people who are allergic to penicillin.”

“And why would they prescribe it?”

“Like most antibiotics, to treat an infection,” Bodhi says. “And if he had an injury to his wrist, it’s probably because the doctor was worried that the source of the cut could have infected him.”

“What do you mean?”

“Like, if he cut himself on, I don’t know, a rusted nail or something. Although you’d be more worried about Tetanus in that situation. Maybe an animal bite? Like a cat or a—”

“A dog?” Jyn suggests, interrupting him. Her eyes are wide and she’s leaning forward in her seat.

“Sure,” Bodhi says, shrugging. “Why? Does that mean something?”

“Yeah, it does! McCallum Jr.’s friend who helped him fake the kidnapping had a dog. I saw it at the cabin. It all makes sense now!” Jyn practically shouts.

“It does?”

“Yes! Bodhi, you’re a genius!” She says, grabbing his face in both her hands.

“I am?” Bodhi says.

“Yes, you are!”

“That’s nice. But please don’t kiss me. Your cop boyfriend is coming back and I don’t want him to tase me in a jealous rage.”

Jyn lets him go. “I wasn’t going to kiss you, and Detective Andor is definitely not going to tase you,” she says, rolling her eyes.

“I notice you didn’t deny that he was your boyfriend, though.”

“You’re a child!”

“Takes one to know one!” Bodhi shoots back. Jyn reaches out as if to slap him, but he quickly says, “Look alive, he’s on his way over.”

“Shit, I gotta make up a vision,” Jyn says. “This fake psychic thing is way harder than it looks on TV.”

“Yeah, we all feel real sorry for you.”

Jyn glares at him in response as she raises her hand to her forehead in what’s becoming her default faking-a-vision pose. “Help me out,” she says, under her breath, as Detective Andor reappears.

“Oh, Detective Andor, thank goodness you’re back,” Bodhi says, hoping he sounds genuine. He’s doesn’t consider himself to be the world’s best liar. “I think she’s having a vision.”

Detective Andor, for his part, still looks utterly bewildered by the whole thing, so it’s Jyn who actually has to speak up. “I’ve seen our killer,” she says, completely serious.

“You’ve seen their face?” Detective Andor asks.

“No, their wrist,” Jyn replies.

“Their wrist? What good does that do us?”

“I can see it so clearly now,” Jyn says, covering her forehead with her hands. “They found McCallum in his cabin hideout. They figured out the kidnapping was staged before we did and they went to confront him about it. There was a scuffle, between McCallum and our killer. It was an accident, they didn’t mean to kill him, it just happened!”

As Jyn speaks, she keeps her eyes closed, as if she’s actually watching this all happen behind her eyelids. Bodhi can’t help but be impressed. She’s very convincing. For all the trouble it’s caused them, maybe this fake psychic thing is truly her calling. It’s such a ridiculous idea that he’s honestly surprised it didn’t occur to her sooner.

“After McCallum died, his partner came back to the cabin with his dog to find the killer still there. Our killer shoots him and stages it to look like a suicide, effectively pinning McCallum’s death on him instead, but not before the dog bites them and gets a piece of their wrist.” Jyn suddenly opens her eyes and sits back, her face clear of the anguish of her “vision”. She looks at Detective Andor and asks, “Do you know anyone with a mysterious wrist injury?”

Detective Andor blinks at her in disbelief for a few seconds before realization dawns. Then, he quickly reaches for his keys on the desk. “We have to get to the McCallum residence. I’ll call for backup on the way,” he says, and he’s already heading for the exit.

“Are we supposed to follow you?” Jyn shouts after him.

“Yes, let’s go.”

“Alright,” Jyn says, standing up and smacking Bodhi on the knee. “You heard the man. Let’s go catch a murderer.”

“Today has been the weirdest day of my life,” Bodhi says, shaking his head but following after Jyn anyway.

“And it’s not even over yet,” Jyn says with excitement. She loops their arms together once more as they leave the precinct.

***

There’s a light drizzle falling from the sky as Bodhi stands on the front yard of the McCallum residence. Just like Jyn said at the beginning of the case, the house is beautiful and large and absolutely full to the brim with great art and other things that Bodhi would normally nerd out about. Standing there, though, on a rainy Friday night, surrounded by cop cars whose lights are making the whole place glow red and then blue on a constant loop, Bodhi can’t honestly enjoy himself too much.

Mr. McCallum Sr. had been put into a car by an astonished looking Detective Tuesso nearly twenty minutes ago, after admitting to killing his son and his accomplice. The rest of the cops on the scene are still inside taking statements from the other people in the house and getting other relevant details so that they can finally close the case. The atmosphere in there became too much for Bodhi eventually and he excused himself to wait for Jyn outside.

When she finally finds him, he’s looking up at the sky for no particular reason other than the flashing lights from the cars are starting to hurt his eyes.

“You look very emo,” Jyn says, taking in his pose as she approaches.

“You just solved a murder,” Bodhi replies.

“Yeah,” she says, with no small amount of pride in her voice.

“That guy killed his own son.”

“Yeah,” Jyn says, this time sounding somber.

“That’s…” Bodhi starts to say, but he can’t really find the words. “That’s a lot,” he finally settles on, even though it’s nonsense. Jyn will understand, he thinks.

She, of course, nods in response, before also looking up at the sky. “It is. A whole fucking lot,” she says, and he’s glad she gets it.

They stand there in silence for a moment, just listening to the rainfall and the buzz of activity coming from the house behind them. It feels like the first time in hours he’s actually relaxed, ever since he got that call from Jyn this afternoon. He can’t even imagine how she feels.

“Couldn’t have done it without you,” Jyn says, suddenly. Bodhi looks over at her only to find her already looking at him.

“Yeah, you could’ve,” he says.

Jyn shakes her head. “No. You saved the day.”

“We’re a good team,” Bodhi responds, trying to deflect her praise.

“That we are,” she agrees. “But I’ve always known that.”

“Yeah, no surprise there.”

At that moment, another police car pulls up and a few people get out. One of them, a woman, spots Jyn and walks in her direction.

“Miss Erso,” the woman calls as she approaches.

“Interim Chief Mothma,” Jyn greets her in return. “Good to see you again.”

“I believe we have you to thank for solving this case,” the Chief says.

“Oh, well, I suppose,” Jyn says. “But I had lots of help.”

Interim Chief Mothma’s eyebrows raise in surprise at that. “You did?” She asks.

“From the spirits, of course,” Jyn says, gesturing vaguely upwards.

“Of course,” the Chief echoes. “Well, thank you for your assistance,” she says, offering her hand to Jyn.

“Happy to help,” Jyn replies, shaking the other woman’s hand

“Oh, that reminds me,” Interim Chief Mothma says. “I spoke to your mother on the phone earlier.”

“You did?”

“Yes. As she’s a former member of the department, I wanted to get her take on your value as a consultant and ask her about your abilities. I have to say, you two need to get your stories straight.”

“We do?” Jyn says, and Bodhi can hear the nervousness in her voice. As for himself, he’s pretty sure he’s having a heart attack.

“Yes, you do. Your mother says that your gift didn’t present itself until you were eleven, but when you and I spoke the other day, you said you’d had your psychic abilities since birth,” the Chief says.

“That’s my mother for you,” Jyn says, easily, even though Bodhi can still see the tension in her shoulders. “She always has to undermine me! Just because she didn’t notice my abilities before I was eleven, doesn’t mean I didn’t have them. I’ve told her this a thousand times!”

“Well, I appreciated her insight,” Interim Chief Mothma says. “And I appreciate your work on this case.”

“Thank you, but I couldn’t have done it without Bodhi,” Jyn says, gesturing at him. “My chauffeur,” Jyn elaborates, for the Chief’s benefit.

“Ah, of course,” she says, looking bemused. She shakes Bodhi’s hand anyway, which gives him something to do besides elbow Jyn in the ribs. “Thank you both.”

One of the officers calls for her then, and Interim Chief Mothma leaves them with a wave. Jyn and Bodhi look after her for a few seconds before Jyn says, “That was close.”

Bodhi lets out a breath of relief. “No kidding,” he says. “I cannot take anymore stress today. I just can’t.”

“Okay, buddy. Let’s get you home,” Jyn says, patting his shoulder.

“We can leave?”

“Yeah, whenever we want. The cops are done with me for now.”

“Awesome,” Bodhi says, before he remembers the problem. “But my car is still at the precinct.”

“Oh, yeah. Cassian said he’d bring us back when we were ready.”

“Who?”

“Detective Andor.”

“You called him ‘Cassian.’”

“Did you think his first name was Detective?” Jyn asks, rolling her eyes at him.

“You’re on a first name basis with him now?” Bodhi asks, unable to help himself.

“Relax. It’s no big deal,” Jyn says, crossing her arms over her chest. “You can call him that too.”

“I should hope so. He’s going to be my best friend-in-law someday.”

“I hate you,” Jyn says, but she’s smiling a little. “I’m going to go find Cassian and ask him to take me back to the precinct. And I’m gonna leave you here. You can walk home, for all I care.”

“If you want some alone time with your boyfriend, all you have to do is ask,” Bodhi replies. Jyn flips him off, which is all the encouragement he needs. “You two, alone in a police cruiser. Very romantic.”

“Don’t give me ideas, Bodhi Rook,” she says, and then she turns on her heel and heads back towards the house.

Smiling to himself, Bodhi follows her.

***

Unsurprisingly, Bodhi doesn’t hear from Jyn for a few days after the McCallum case wraps up. He assumes she’s catching up on all the sleep she missed while she was working the case, an old habit of hers he remembers from when they were in high school. She would always wait until the last minute on projects, pull all-nighters to finish them, and then sleep for days afterwards. For all solving murders and writing research papers are completely different, Bodhi thinks that Jyn’s method of recovering is probably the same for both.

Given the amount of emotional upheaval she went through, Bodhi actually figures it will take longer for Jyn to recover after this, but it’s only Monday when he receives a text from her asking him to meet her that afternoon when he’s done at work.

Sure. At your place? He replies immediately.

No. I’ll text you the address. Her reply comes twenty minutes later.

Why are we meeting at a mystery location?

I have something I need to show you!

You’re making me nervous…

You’re always nervous. See you at 4:30.

Jyn actually remembers to text him the address about ten minutes before he’s planning on leaving the office, and the map on his phone shows that it’s right by the water, but there’s no businesses listed there. Whatever Jyn is trying to do, it’s going to be a surprise, despite Bodhi’s best efforts. He sighs, before gathering his things and heading out for the night.

It’s a short ride from his office to the address Jyn sent him and he finds himself pulling into the small parking lot of a tiny, one story office building that faces the beach. He recognizes the only other vehicle in the lot as Jyn’s motorcycle, so this must be the place. There’s a wide window on the front of the only office housed in the building and, when Bodhi gets out of his car, he sees that there’s a sign painted on the glass that reads, “PSYCH” in big letters and, underneath that in a smaller script, it says, “private psychic detective.”

“Oh, no,” he says to himself, before pulling open the door.

“Bodhi,” Jyn greets him cheerfully when he enters the room.

“Are you out of your mind?”

“Depends on who you ask,” she says. “Why? What did I do?”

“You rented office space, for your psychic detective agency! Which is a career you’ve had for less than a week! And, by the way, you’re not actually psychic!”

“Oh, that,” she says, waving a hand at him, as though his are petty concerns.

“You’re not actually naming it that, are you?” Bodhi asks.

“No, Bodhi. I just paid them to hand paint it on the window because I’m a patron of the arts with money to burn.”

“You can’t call it that,” Bodhi says, ignoring Jyn’s joke and changing tactics.

“Why not?

“Psych?” He says, hoping hearing it aloud will make her understand. When she just looks at him blankly, he adds, “As in ‘Gotcha!’”

“No. Psych, as in psychic,” Jyn says, throwing in some jazz hands for good measure.

“It doesn’t read that way.”

“Oh, whatever.”

“Actually, I have a great idea,” Bodhi says, rubbing his forehead. “What if you called it, ‘Hey, We’re Fooling You and the Police, Hope We Don’t Make a Mistake and Someone Dies Because of It.’”

“As catchy as that is, I think that would take up too much space on the window,” Jyn says seriously. “It would interrupt our ocean view and you have no idea how much that cost me.”

“Speaking of which, how did you even get this place? I know your credit score is terrible.”

“True. But yours isn’t.”

“Mine?” Bodhi asks. “What does my credit score have to do with it?”

“You co-signed the lease with me.”

“Funny, I don’t remember doing that.”

“Well, you’re a busy man. I didn’t want to bug you with the trivial details, so I signed for you,” Jyn says innocently.

“Jyn!”

“It’s not my fault that your signature is easy to forge!”

“That’s not even remotely the problem here,” Bodhi says, his annoyance clear in his voice. “What real estate agent would allow this?”

“A really terrible one.”

Bodhi groans and covers his face with his hands. Jyn crosses the room to pat him consolingly on the shoulder.

“Hey, lighten up. This is gonna be fun! You and me, solving crimes together,” she says.

That’s enough to pull Bodhi out of his despair and he gives Jyn a disbelieving look. “Jyn, what are you talking about? I already have a full-time job,” he says.

“Oh, believe me, I know. You’re always talking about it, with your steady paycheck and your dental plan and your 411K,” Jyn says bitterly.

“It’s a four-OH-one-K, Jyn.”

“I’ve heard it both ways.”

“I’m not leaving my job,” Bodhi says firmly and he sees Jyn’s face fall. “But, I can help you with cases in my spare time, if you’d like.”

“I would like,” Jyn says, smiling. “I would like very much.”

“Good. Partners?” He says, offering his fist for her to bump, which she does.

“Partners. Of course,” Jyn says, and the two of them enjoy approximately thirty seconds of peace before a noise outside catches Jyn’s attention.

“Okay, look alive,” she says, smoothing out her shirt. “Our 5 o’clock is here.”

“What?!” Bodhi asks, shocked. “You have a client already?”

“We gotta keep the lights on somehow,” Jyn replies.

“The Jyn I know has never paid an electricity bill on time in her life,” he says, eyeing her suspiciously.

“Well, maybe I’m turning over a new leaf,” Jyn says with a small smile, which Bodhi returns easily. If she’s really serious about this, he’s not going to stand in her way.

“I’m proud of you,” he says, pointing a finger at her emphatically.

She points back at him. “Thank you.”

At that moment, a young woman comes through the door, looking around cautiously. “Is this the psychic detective agency?” She asks.

“Yes, it is,” Jyn says. “And I’m the psychic detective, Jyn Erso.”

“Wow,” the young woman says, completely dazzled. She looks at Bodhi then, clearly confused as to his role.

Jyn, for her part, doesn’t miss a beat. “Allow me to introduce my associate, Burton Guster.”

Bodhi doesn’t bother correcting her, giving a small wave instead. This is his life now, after all.

[kpstoryfiles-blog]

Chapter 1: All Work, No Play

Jolie

I had just finished unpacking my last suitcase that I took with me to Turks and Caicos last week. My family tries to go on a family vacation each year, and this year we finally went to the islands. We’ve only been back for 2 days and I have yet to see my father, or aunt, or anyone else for that matter. It’s like as soon as we landed back in California, it was work mode all over again. I love my dad and everything he does for me and the family, but he needs a break sometimes. I thought that him spending two weeks in Turks would help, but even on vacation he managed to network with a drug dealer out there. He just doesn’t know when to stop.

 Throwing the empty suitcase into my walk-in closet, I placed my iPhone in my back pocket and made my way down to his office. As my bare feet hit the marble floors of our mansion, I could hear my dad’s voice and another male’s voice speaking rather loudly as I approached the hallway with each step. i paused for a minute, trying to distinguish the voice but to no avail; I hurriedly entered the room without knocking (my dad hates that) and made my presence known.

 “Hey daddy. Hi uncle Daniel.” I spoke in a very soft-like tone.

 Both men looked at me with complete anger on their faces. I knew something was wrong, the vibe in the room was just off.

 “Hey baby girl, I was just leaving. I’ll see you later next week for your birthday dinner, ok? I’ll work on that problem we got Vic. He won’t be able to leave Los Angeles, let alone the country when I’m done with him.”

 My dad nodded his head, and my godfather exited the office leaving us alone.

 “Jolie, how many times do I have to tell you to stop barging in the office, just knock first.”

 “I know, I’m sorry. I just haven’t seen you since we got back. You’re always working.” I replied.

 “Yes, so my spoiled daughter can shop and buy all the Louis Vuitton, Chanel, and whatever else she wants.” He laughed.

 “So, what was Daniel talking about? Who’s getting hurt this time?” I inquired.

 My father and godfather never let me know what was going on. They said it was for the better. My dad, Victor Leon, is the most successful kingpin in Los Angeles. In his line of work, he also has many enemies. People who would love to see me and my whole family dead.

 “That’s nothing for you to worry about. Just focus on your birthday coming up. I want you to be happy, ok.”

 I nodded and got up to kiss my dad on the cheek. I walked out of his office feeling worse than I felt before. A dark cloud was coming to consume our lives, and there was nothing I could do about it. I just hope my family is safe from harm.

 “Ooh bitch, Miami is gonna be sooo lit! I want all the liquor and niggas in our section at the club!” Brooke exclaimed while looking through a rack of dresses in Neiman Marcus.

 I’m leaving for Miami in two days with my best friends Brooke and Sydney, and my little cousin Brielle. The four of us, plus our security detail that my dad forced me to have, are spending about a week out there. We have no definite plans, just a whole bunch of shit that we want to do while we’re there. Brooke wants to find a temporary bae, Brielle wants to get white girl wasted since it’s her first time leaving California without family, while Sydney and I just want to shop.

 “Does this look good?” I said modeling a Herve Leger dress for the girls to see. They both nodded in agreement while I headed back to the dressing room.

 “For real though Jo, we gotta hit up the strip down there. I bet those bitches in Miami ain’t got no style. Andrea told me they got some popping boutiques.” said Sydney.

 “Bet. Is Andrea chilling with us when we touchdown or are we gonna have to act like tourists the whole trip?” I replied.

 “I doubt it. She just had a baby, so she might not be able to party.” Sydney retorted.

 Andrea was a good friend of ours from college until she moved to Miami to be with her boyfriend. Her family told her not to follow a man, especially one she wasn’t married to, but she went anyway. Two years later, Andrea got pregnant and her boyfriend got drafted to the NFL and left her to be a single mom. Hopefully when we visit her, she’ll get the courage to come back home to her family and friends. She doesn’t belong in Miami by herself.

 The three of us finished shopping and headed back home. I dropped Sydney off at her grandmother’s house, so it was just me and Brooke in the car. Brooke has been acting funny all day and I feel like she’s hiding something from me. She’s been my best friend since we were in elementary school so she’s like the sister I never had; I know her like the back of my hand.

 “I can tell when something is bothering you so spill it Brooke.” I spoke.

 She stared out the window for a while then turned in her seat to face me as we approached a red light.

 “Promise you won’t get mad?” she sighed.

 “Mhm, I promise. Now tell me.”

 “I ran into Drew last week. He and Tony are back in the city for good. I need to leave again Jolie.” She whimpered as tears ran down her face.

 I immediately pulled over to a side street and pared the car; this was serious. Drew is my ex-boyfriend from college and Tony is Brooke’s ex. Drew and I had a regular relationship, nothing too serious. He always wanted me to ask my dad could he work for him, but I denied it. I never want to date a man that’s in my dad’s line of work. I already stress over my father, godfather, and uncle-in-law’s safety. Adding a boyfriend to that stress would be too much for me.

  However, Tony and Brooke were a different story. Tony was possessive and extremely jealous. Brooke is a beautiful girl but she’s loyal. No matter how many guys approached her on campus, she always made it known that she was with Tony, but that wasn’t enough for him. He became enraged one night when Brooke was studying with a male classmate. That night he beat Brooke so bad in her dorm and no one helped her. I found her the next day when she wasn’t answering my calls and took her to the hospital. My aunt Mila helped take care of Brooke and she lived with us all throughout college. As for Tony, he disappeared with Drew when he found out Brooke pressed charges and put out a restraining order. She’s made progress, but I know the thought of Tony coming back to town scares her.

 “Well did Drew say anything to you? Was Tony with him?” I rushed out. I took my phone out the cup holder and began texting my father.

 “He just said hello, asked how I was doing. He also asked about you, and if you still were living in Hidden Hills. I didn’t say anything to him. That’s when he told me about Tony and how he’d be glad to see I was back in Los Angeles. I can’t let Tony find me, Jolie. He’s still angry about the charges and restraining order!” she sobbed.

 “He won’t get to you, I promise. We’ll be in Miami in forty-eight hours, and when we get back you can stay with us again, my dad won’t mind. He loves you like a daughter.” I assured.

 She nodded, and I wiped her tears and hugged her. My dad was right to give me a security detail because I need it now more than ever. Drew was stalking me after our breakup, which forced us to move from Hidden Hills to Orange County. I still ride up to Los Angeles every now and then for business and friends, but I must be more careful. If Drew knows Brooke is in the area, then he knows I’m not too far away. The last thing I want is to move again. My dad and aunt said next time, we’re moving out of state. But now that’s looking like a possibility.

[reallylonglies]

Taylor Swift - Demon Hunter: Part Three

Just a normal dinner, she was relieved. She’d spent the summer stalking a particularly malevolent sea spirit. Sea spirits can only be evicted with the help of actual ocean spray, which had meant luring him to the coast which hadn’t been easy. Concealing the bruises she’d gained from fighting him on a clifftop wasn’t easy either. Fighting a violent spirit was hard, she had to avoid injuring the host while landing the right blows to the spirit. Rome has excellent healers though. 

This night would just be a straightforward dinner with friends. She’d known this couple for years, it would be fun, relaxing. 

But as soon as they arrived she sensed that something was wrong. Maybe it was exhaustion that slowed her down. It wasn’t until they were half way through dessert that she took the opportunity to casually take a look at him through the bowl of her wine glass. Pretending to be checking for faults, she caught a quick glance at his refracted image. She almost groaned aloud with frustration, but she caught Blake’s eye across the table. They exchanged much more in one look than they could have in a half-hour’s conversation. 

Of course, Taylor thought, I should have known. 

The invite had been very sudden and Blake had been insistent. 

They finished their dessert. As casually as possible, she suggested that she help her friend with the dishes.

“How bad is it?” Blake asked as soon as they were alone.

“Can we start with how you know what we’re dealing with here?” Taylor asked, stacking the dishwasher with precision. Just because you’re a demon hunter doesn’t mean you can’t be damn good at household chores. 

“I… I trained for a while…” Blake looked guilty. They methodically stacked the machine and, without conferring, began removing all sharp objects from the room, “I retired early. I fell in love and I couldn’t keep chasing all those guys, it didn’t feel right.” 

“I get it,” Taylor sighed, it really was exhausting. She’d tried to keep relationships going, but some guys just get funny about you consorting with beings from other dimensions. Even the most understanding eventually grew tired of her aggressive training routine. It was always “How do I know he’s possessed, what if you’re just using that as an excuse?” 

It made sense that Blake had been a rod, her hair was perfect for luring out a satyr or a fire demon. You can fill it full of perfume and then just waft until the demon shows itself. They just can’t resist the scent/texture combination.

Blake’s husband shouted something inane from the dining room, they remembered the task at hand. 

“Alright, what do we do? I can’t take him home like this,” Blake was urgent but not panicked. Taylor sensed that this wasn’t her first rodeo. 

“It looks like a basic level three demon, nothing too complicated. Do you know how long it’s been like this?” she took a series of silver charms from her pocket and wrapped them around her fingers. Blake removed her earrings and placed them on the counter. 

“About three months, I tried to ignore it at first but then I caught sight of him in a mirror and…”

“Say no more. You were right to bring him here.”

There was a big mirror in the dining room. A level three, the Jack-Of-All-Trades of the demon world. Common as headlice in the right places… Taylor was almost impressed that it had managed to take hold of such an influential host. 

He was a big man, but they were very strong women. 

He entered the kitchen and immediately the demon knew it had made a mistake. Taylor caught him in a headlock and forced him to the floor, trying to do as little damage as possible to Blake’s husband’s body in the process. She was thoughtful like that. 

“What’s happening? Why are you doing this to me? Is it because I said I didn’t like the potatoes? I just thought they were a little underdone!” he was a talker, and there are some things that even demons can’t change. 

Taylor pressed her be-charmed hand into his forehead. 

“Oh god, that burns what are you doing? Did Blake tell you what I said about your last single? It was just below par compared to your previous work I’m sorry…” 

“Blake, we need a reflector, can you grab that tea tray?” Blake pulled a silver tea tray from the worktop and held it above her husband’s flailing head. 

“This is like the worst trip to the dentist ever, what have I done to deserve this,” he caught sight of himself in the reflection, spotting the demon for the first time as it railed against Taylor’s silver covered hand, “Oh. That… What is that? Blake honey what’s living inside me?”

“Just a level three demon, we’re gonna pop it right out for you. You won’t feel a thing.” 

“He might feel something,” Taylor asked, trying to listen for the demon’s tune through the grunting and wailing. 

“Ok, you might feel something but it’ll just be a slight pinch,” Blake smiled, she was a terrible liar. 

“It’ll be more like pulling a tooth,” Taylor was using her full bodyweight to keep him restrained.

“Yeah, just like that,” Blake’s reassuring voice was not at all reassuring.

“Except where the tooth is a demon and your whole body is the bleeding gum,” Taylor finally caught the sound of the tune. Wrenching his face towards the mirror, she sang five notes and the demon split from the host with a deafening scream. Stuck in the tea tray, it growled at them impotently. 

She let the host slip down to the floor, he was whimpering. 

“Would anyone like a coffee?” Blake asked, casually popping her earrings back in, “Ryan stop whining, it wasn’t even that big of a demon.”

*********

I didn’t agree that Blake should be allowed to enter the circle of trust. It was a very tight circle. Me, Taylor and nobody else. Of course I felt threatened by Blake. With hair like that who wouldn’t. I wanted to live in it and cut it all off at the same time. Demons can be weird about hair. 

“She knows her stuff and it would be nice to have a friend who understood… you know… this?” 

“You make a compelling point, allow me to repost: I don’t like her.” 

I beg that you don’t judge me on my debating skills. I’m a demon, I’m good at possessing and haunting and showing up at halloween parties to upset teens. I’m also great at making passion fruit and white chocolate swiss rolls, but that’s not a demon thing that’s just because I’m awesome. 

“You are only saying that because you don’t want to share me,” she said. Perceptively. I hated it when she was perceptive. It was all “You’re just saying that because you don’t want to go out” or “that’s based on your personal bias, not fact” or “you only claim to like CSI: Miami to be controversial.” 

“Fine. But don’t blame me if this goes horribly wrong.” 

“It will not go horribly wrong, why are demons so pessimistic?” 

“Because we literally live in hell.” 

At least that was an argument she couldn’t contradict. 

*******

I will consent that letting her have a team mate did have it’s benefits. Blake did information gathering and operational support, Taylor did the hands on exorcising and I did the clean-up and paperwork. 

Have I mentioned how much paperwork there is? The audit trail on an exorcism is no small thing, and it’s a pretty thankless task. 

Mentally I referred to them as Taylor Swift and Blake Deadly because I thought it was hilarious. I didn’t share this with them because I couldn’t handle all the eye-rolling. I just occasionally laughed to myself about it. The demon who sits next to me didn’t find it funny, he just seethed at me in his gross brimstone cloud. 

Everything was going well until she met him. 

It wasn’t that I was jealous. She’ll claim that I was jealous. I wasn’t. Look how well I’d coped with sharing her with Blake. We were a team now! I was not jealous. 

My complaint was that she was spending a whole lot of time with him and he wasn’t even possessed. He wasn’t even an attractive prospect for a level four wind spirit, you know - the kind that spend autumn days making people’s coffee cool down too quickly, or causing people to get their hair caught in their lipstick. These are minor players, we wouldn’t even send a high ranking rod like Taylor in to combat. For a level four you send in a trainee, someone like Zendaya: she’s got potential but needs to hone her craft with a lot of practice. (Her work with Zac Efron was flawless though, a lot of conversations went on about that back at HQ.)

This guy wasn’t powerful enough to interest low level demons, I didn’t see the attraction. 

Blake tried to explain to me it was something something work life balance. I wasn’t really listening, I was looking at her hair. 

Anyway, I think my actions were perfectly justified. 

It wasn’t like I was trying to get her attention anyway. 

I just wanted to make a point. 

I think she overreacted. 

Definitely. 

*****

She thought she understood what betrayal felt like. 

When she came home that day and found her boyfriend possessed, she almost shrugged: it was inevitable that he’d become a target one day.

It didn’t seem like a big problem, just a small infestation. She locked the doors, sat him down. Tried to be gentle. 

The shock came when she pressed her charm against his forehead and heard a familiar song. The face she saw in the mirror, straining against the face of her lover was one she’d known for fifteen years. The demon that had changed her life forever. 

She didn’t need to sing the tune, he floated gently away from the host. 

“I was just making a point,” he said. 

“I never want to see you again,” she replied to his floating form in the mirror. 

“I was just reminding you that you have an important job to do,” he didn’t even have the common decency look guilty. 

“Get out,” she said, standing up, clenching her fingers around a throwing star in her pocket. 

“Oh come on, it was only a little bit of possession, if anything it will be good for him!” 

She threw the star at him and it passed through his spectral form and smashed a vase on the other side of the room. 

“Oh see, this is why we can’t have nice things,” he began. She didn’t have time for his stupid sarcastic tone. 

“I swear if you don’t get out right now, I will trap you in a song forever and you can spend eternity alone.” 

Her voice was stern, he looked honestly confused. It was as if he didn’t understand what he could possibly have done wrong. 

“Ugh, fine,” he said, dissolving. 

He didn’t know what he’d started. 

[wbwest]

New Post has been published on WilliamBruceWest.com

New Post has been published on http://www.williambrucewest.com/2017/08/04/west-week-ever-pop-culture-review-8417/

West Week Ever: Pop Culture In Review - 8/4/17

In movie news, Sharknado 5: Global Swarming premieres this Sunday, and The Hollywood Reporter had a great article about the history of the franchise. For one thing, Donald Trump was originally approached to play the President in Sharknado 3: Oh Hell No!, but his people were stalling because he was mulling a run for the actual presidency. When the producers moved on to cast Mark Cuban, Trump got pissed and his people threatened to sue (on what grounds, nobody knows). Also, the production was renamed to Dark Skies because the name Sharknado was turning off potential actors. To the cast’s chagrin, however, it was changed back to Sharknado at release.

The main takeaway from the article is the pay situation. In the beginning, star Ian Ziering was offered $100,000 to do the first film. He reportedly only took it because his wife was pregnant and he needed to keep up his SAG membership for the health insurance. Over time, however, his pay ballooned and he currently makes about $500,000 a film – which, as folks point out, is more than the $300,000 Gal Gadot reportedly made to star in Wonder Woman. This really shouldn’t come as a surprise, though. For one thing, superhero films kinda pay on the low-ish side because there are so many moving parts. The pay tends to start low and then grows over time. By the third or fourth movie, the stars are, then, basically too expensive to keep, so it becomes renegotiation or reboot time. Plus, as I said on Twitter, washed up TV star in a “water cooler” franchise outranks unproven movie star in unstable cinematic universe. Yes, Wonder Woman was a great film, but to say that Gadot deserved more money is simply Monday morning quarterbacking. Nobody was worried about her pay before the film came out because, frankly, nobody gave a shit about her. She’ll eventually make her money, while Ziering will be begging for a Sharknado revival, as the series is clearly on its last legs based on the ratings. Sharknado is a funny thing because the social media impressions actually outnumber its ratings. So, folks feel the need to talk about Sharknado even if they’re not watching Sharknado.

The real crime about pay, though, is that Tara Reid only makes about $125,000 to Ziering’s $500,000 (his salary is about 1/6th the budget of Sharknado 5). When she spoke up about it, they created a poll to the public following Sharknado 3, asking whether or not her character should die. Lucky for her, the fans wanted her back (Production company Asylum claims the poll and her request were unrelated, but we aren’t stupid here).

Anyway, I’m sure I’ll watch even though the last installment was a chore to get through. The franchise really peaked at Sharknado 2: The Second One, but they generate buzz, so they keep coming. I’m still pissed about the last movie, where Ziering’s character, Finn, has a Black daughter-in-law who gets killed by a shark. Not only does the family not react, but she’s never mentioned again. It’s clearly the result of some terrible editing, but I can’t tell if they edited out reactions to her death OR if they edited in the character after the movie was basically done. I figure we’ll get to 6 and then they’ll have to think of something else. It’s too bad the Lavalantula franchise hasn’t enjoyed the same buzz, as I enjoy those pseudo Police Academy reunions.

In TV news, a LOT of folks are upset about that Confederate show that I mentioned last week, even calling for a boycott of HBO. Some folks have reminded the boycotters that their actions would hurt other Black shows on the network, like Insecure and Ballers. Instead, they encouraged that folks make their voices heard directly to HBO, using the hashtag #NoConfederate during its most watched hour last week, Game of Thrones. Well, in seeming retaliation for the show, producer Will Packer and The Boondocks creator Aaron McGruder are creating Black America for Amazon. Whereas Confederate would follow a United States on the brink of its 3rd Civil War, Black America would follow an alternate reality where freed Blacks were given Alabama, Louisiana, and Mississippi as reparations, and the sovereign nation of New Colonia is formed. Meanwhile, its neighbor to the north, The United States, is in a bad state of affairs.  New Colonia is about to become a world power, while the US is slipping. Due to their proximity, their fates are tied together, but clearly the Black folks are doing better than everyone else.

Is it wrong that I have no interest in either show? I mean, I have no desire to see slavery still going in Confederate, but the whole premise of Black America just sounds like it’s doing too much, and feels more reactionary than anything. I mean, why didn’t we hear about this project before Confederate was announced? And the problem is that both projects are so far in their infancy that they won’t be happening any time soon, if they happen at all. I know the announcement appeased a lot of the anti-Confederate crowd, but neither sounds like a “good” show from what we’ve heard, and I almost feel like they take us away from having the race dialogue that a lot of folks feel we so sorely need as a country. What are y’all’s thoughts on these shows?

In other TV news, it was announced that ABC’s The Middle would be ending after its upcoming 9th season. This elicited to a lot of responses of “That show’s still on?”, and I immediately understood why Trump won. As the title suggests, the show focused on a middle class family, in the middle of the country, as they struggle to make it through. Over the past 8 years, they have been emblematic of the types of voters who feel their voices aren’t being heard as their situations get tighter. That’s the show’s audience, even though they’re not the glamorous demographic that Madison Avenue covets. I actually really enjoy the exploits of the Heck family, but I understand that the show’s not “hip” or “cool”, so it flew under a lot of folks’ radar. The upcoming Roseanne revival has been described as focusing on the Conners as they try to make their way in Trump’s America, but I’d argue that The Middle did it first, and will probably be looked upon as the most accurate depiction when the dust settles.

Across the dial, it was finally confirmed that Erinn Hayes’s character on CBS’s Kevin Can Wait will, in fact, be killed off. The show will pick up after some time has passed, paving the way for Kevin James to reunite with his The King of Queens costar Leah Remini. I understand shows sometimes need a retool, but all evidence was pointing to the show as a moderate success. The only sticking point was Remini guested in the season finale, and suddenly everyone wanted that chemistry back. To me, I’m good. I still have 8 seasons of The King of Queens to look back on (I don’t count that last season because it felt like they hated each other by that point, surprising me that they’d reunite. To me, this is almost like Martin Lawrence and Tisha Campbell doing a new show together). Hayes will bounce back, as she’s already been cast in Amazon’s The Dangerous Book for Boys, but I still don’t feel like the show did her right.

In comics news, it was revealed that the Milestone comic line’s reboot has been stalled because the creators behind it were trying to cut out the estate of co-creator Dwayne McDuffie. If you’re not familiar, the Milestone line was comprised of a bunch of minority-focused superhero books from the early 90s. There was Hardware (Black Iron Man), Rocket (Black Captain Marvel?), Blood Syndicate (Black…I dunno. I didn’t read that one). Oh, and Static (Black Lightning Jr, basically). The original creators were Dwayne McDuffie, Denys Cowan, Derek T. Dingle, and Michael Davis (if we ever meet, ask me my Michael Davis stories. Dude is crazy, but I ain’t putting that stuff in writing for him to find it).

A few years back, they announced a revival of the Milestone brand, but Davis had been cut out and replaced by former BET head Reginald Hudlin. They kept saying an announcement was forthcoming, while Davis took to the internet saying it’ll never happen. He was hurt he’d been left out of something he’d had a hand in creating, but he also knew there were roadblocks that the group wouldn’t be able to get over.

Well, this week, McDuffie’s widow sued the group because his estate had been left out of recent negotiations, as Cowan, Dingle, and Hudlin were going to create a new entity to cut out McDuffie’s stake. There’s a lot of potential in the franchise, with recent cries for representation in fantasy media, but I’d like to go on record and say that those books just weren’t very good. They were just Black characters the same quality of the Image output of the time. I used to read Hardware and that book, ugh…Maybe they’ve got some fresh new takes on the characters, but I don’t think they’re even interested in comics at this point. They just want to control the intellectual property. Anyway, for all McDuffie did in the comic industry, it seems like he was constantly screwed over, even in death. I hope his estate is at least getting some money for the use of Damage Control (which he created) in Spider-Man: Homecoming, but I know it was work-for-hire blah blah blah. Anyway, here’s hoping Mrs. McDuffie gets what she’s owed.

Things You Might Have Missed This Week

Divergent franchise sequel, Ascendant, is now being developed as an ongoing TV series for Starz

The Black-ish spinoff, college-ish will now known as grown-ish

Vin Diesel is reportedly working on a Miami Vice reboot on NBC for the 2018-2019 season. I really hope they set it in the 80s. Otherwise, it’s just gonna be nothing but Pitbull and Flo Rida cameos…

The Will & Grace revival has already been renewed, despite the fact it hasn’t aired yet. It was also revealed that it will ignore the series finale, just like Roseanne…

Late 90s MTV staple, Total Request Live (TRL) will return in October, with FIVE hosts. I guess they’re trying to bring back that VJ position again.

Speaking of MTV, hot on the heels of removing gendered categories, MTV has changed the coveted Video Music Award from the Moon Man to the Moon Person. It will be able to use any space bathroom that it chooses.

Soap actor Hartley Sawyer will recur as The Elongated Man this season on The Flash

Speaking of the Arrowverse, the next 4-show crossover will take place over two nights this season, November 27th and 28th

Apparently hot ass Scientologist Catherine Bell from JAG has been on a show on Hallmark Channel called Good Witch for the past three years. Who knew? Anyway, it’s been renewed for a fourth season

Aussie actress Teagan Croft cast as Raven in the Titans series

Amazon is adding Carsey-Werner shows such as Roseanne, 3rd Rock from the Sun, A Different World, Cybill, Grace Under Fire, and Grounded for Life to its streaming library

Pacific Rim: Uprising‘s release has been moved from Feb 23 to March 23

Hasbro has called off talks to buy Lionsgate. In other news, apparently Hasbro was trying to buy Lionsgate.

Agent Carter‘s Hayley Atwell will reportedly join Ewan McGregor in Disney’s Christopher Robin 

Formerly a staple of Baltimore Comic Con, the Harvey Awards will move to New York Comic Con in 2018

They’ll be calling it Hawaii Five-WHOA, as Joey Lawrence is slated to guest star on the CBS series this season

Because he’s never turned down a job, Nick Cannon will host Lip Sync Battle Shorties, a kid-centered spinoff of Lip Sync Battle to air on Nickelodeon

During the 2017 Teen Choice Awards, Fox will experiment with 6-second commercials. This is how that subliminal programming shit starts!

Remembering where he came from, Kenan Thompson (who’s also now the longest-standing SNL cast member) is reportedly developing a live action sketch show for kids.

Transformers spinoff, Bumblebee, will open against Aquaman on December 21st, 2018

Blumhouse Television is bringing horror reality show Scare Tactics back to TV

Due to how he perceives Starz doesn’t appreciate his show, 50 Cent has threatened to snatch Power off the network.

Pokemon: I Choose You will get a two-night theatrical run in November. I’m not telling you the dates because the movie is a retelling of Ash & Pikachu’s meeting, yet it removes Brock and Misty from the story. Fuck this movie!

So, there was some crazy stuff in the comic industry this week, as a picture of of some women Marvel editors brought out the crazies. It all started with this pic:

Marvel editor Heather Antos and some other female editors got together for milkshakes, and based on the hashtag, it was to honor recently deceased former Marvel secretary “Fabulous Flo” Steinberg. A seemingly innocent thing, right? Well, here was the reaction on social media:

Wow, right? From dudes making inappropriate sexual remarks to folks blaming this on Social Justice Warriors, a certain corner of the internet lost its mind over some damn milkshakes.

But then came the backlash to the backlash. Fans and creators started posting pics in solidarity with the ladies.

The support even came from the “Distinguished Competition”, as they tweeted the following pic:

What started out as a snake bed for trolls turned into a show of solidarity that not only shed light on what women editors face on a daily basis, but also seemed to strengthen some relationships “across the aisle”. I mean, this is the best Marvel/DC crossover since Amalgam! As I said on Twitter, when history classes look back on this period in time, they will see that it was not blockbuster events but milkshakes that saved the comic industry. That’s why female comic editors had the West Week Ever.

  By the way, I’m apparently 16 years old because I just signed up for Sarahah. So, swing by and leave me some anonymous comments. Oh, and please don’t make me cry!

[blondeandbubblyent-blog]

BLONDE AND BUBBLY: 01.28

in this episode: i talk about travelling with two special guests! 

madi: hey babies! i’m madison ware and welcome to blonde and bubbly! we are back after a long break and in air for the first time of the year! we wish you nothing but success and good health. so today we have a special episode for you guys with two amazing guests! but before i tell you who, i’m going to present to you guys the champagne we’re going to be drinking! today’s bottle is a very fancy one, to celebrate the new year and it is an Engraved Krug Brut David Sugar! I cant wait to taste it with our two amazing guests: Kana and Kazi!

madi: whether it is for work or for their personal choices, these two amazing guests like to travel a lot. so we will be asking them a few questions about it. we’ll start with kana, the member of the popular kpop gorup EXO! Good evening kana! Welcome on the fourth episode of blonde and bubbly, we’re so happy to have you! 

kana: How are you feeling? Whuss good Madz. I’m very honoured to be here. Caught all your previous episodes so I’m feeling very good about being a guest and being here right now. Fourth episodes a charm. 

madi: so as you know, today we're going to talk about traveling! It's a subject i love because we feel like everyone can gain a lot by getting out of their city and discover their country or the wolrd. So you travel a lot right? Where have you been so far? Is it for work or for fun? 

kana: traveling is always a good idea for work and play. and especially for opening your mind you’re right. staying home is no way to live if you have the means to go beyond. yes indeed i have travelled quiet a bit. i like to think it’s been a good mix of both reasons. i’ve travelled most of asia. so South Korea, Thailand, China, Japan, Singapore, Indonesia, the Philippines, Malaysia, Dubai. Most of those have been for work. Then for fun and some work I’ve been to a lot of major cities all over the U.S. I’ve been to Mexico, Italy, Greece, Hawaii, Canada, Paris in France, Australia, Amsterdam, London, Edinburgh, Manchester, the Maldives, and home to Ireland. so, very well travelled. I do think I mostly end up traveling for work purposes but I’m trying to make this year the year I expand it more for fun. 

madi: this is so interesting! do you have any exciting story to share about a place you've visited once? 

kana: well actually just yesterday i arrived back from dubai where one of our songs was played and given a whole show at the dubai fountain which was a pretty amazing honour and reason to visit there. having something you’ve worked on being played at the biggest choreographed fountains in the world and especially being given a ceremony for it was pretty amazing. i think dubai is one of my favourite places and this has been my second time back there in the space of twelve months. the last time being the trip with the rest of the hills cast way back when. definitely a great experince both times but this one was super special. 

madi: where is your favorite traveling location?

kana: my favourite location is hawaii. now i think i’m partially biased in my reasoning only because my older sister lives there on oahu so any time i go there i get to spend quality time with my niece. but even if she didn’t, i’d still pick hawaii because lost used to be my favourite tv show and it was filmed on the islands and i ADORE forests and anywhere with trees of all kinds so getting to really just get lost on the islands is my favourite thing because i am very much a keep to myself person 99% of the time and hawaii allows me to just get out there on my own.

madi: what about the worst place you've seen?

kana:  worst place i’ve been ? probably either china or the u.k. its split. china only because everything is so fast paced and clustered and its a lot to take in at once. don’t get me wrong i love the country as a whole and i’m moderately fluent in mandarin it’s just too much. as for the u.k it’s like home. ireland is only barely an hour across the water from it and it’s just pretty similar except ten times worse. i tend to avoid it to be honest. 

madi: do you own a jet?

kana: yes indeed i do. i have my own baby which takes me all over the globe. i only ever fly commercial if it’s work related. or if i’m flying home. but always premium first class. has to be done.

madi: any tips for anyone who would like to start traveling and exploring the world?

kana:  I think...... uh... personally i’ve been fortunate to have the means to be able to travel this much. but for anyone who doesn’t really have that opportunity i think saving is a big thing. save up and kind of map your trips as best you can so you don’t get stuck. if it’s your first time heading off i would generally advise not going alone because you’ll be so new to everything on that first off trip. apart from that all i can really say is just don’t be afraid to go for it but do make sure to always always be respectful. if you are traveling, especially on a continent that isn’t the one you’re from, be respectful of other people’s culture and their traditions and what they deem acceptable social behavior and activities. learn about the world and it’s different walks of people as you travel. if you’re just going to make fun of a new place or act the absolute twat in a different country, just stay at home.

madi: thank you so much kana for coming! What can we expect from you for 2018? Any projects you'd like to talk about?

kana: thank you for having me. it’s been a pleasure. in the rest of 2018 i think you’ll see a bunch of different activities from me within exo, as per usual. we have a few tour dates over the next few months as well as a japanese comeback so i hope you’ll anticipate those. as for me and my solo endeavors who knows. i do make my debut as an actor at some point in the next few months and who knows you just might see published author kana oh this year too. but that’s all relatively hush hush for right now. 

madi: thank you again for coming, this all sounds very exciting and promising. our next guest is kazi the part owner of smk, fazed vodka, and the hottest indian pakistani restaurant in la, Aaftab chaand. hey kazi! Welcome on the fourth episode of blonde and bubbly, we’re thrilled to have you! How are you feeling? 

kazi: i’m feeling good!! so excited to be on blonde and bubbly this is a dream come true for me i’m the show’s BIGGEST fan 

madi:  so as you know, today we're going to talk about traveling! It's a subject i love because i feel like everyone can gain a lot by getting out of their city and discover their country or the wolrd. So you travel a lot right? Where have you been so far? Is it for work or for fun? 

kazi: truthfully i couldn’t even tell you all the places i’ve been in total there’s just too many.. but in the past like 2 years? i’ve been to monaco, london, dublin, paris, st barts, dubai, nyc, miami, chicago, toronto, cabo, fiji, iceland, guam, san fran.. i’m positive i’m missing a few, i feel like i’m on a plane at least once a month. 75% of the time it’s technically just for pleasure but i mean even when i’m traveling for work it’s fun to me. 

madi: do you have any interesting story to share about a place you've visited once? 

kazi: one time me and fitz got arrested in monaco for being drunk and not listening to a police officer, that was pretty funny.. gia bailed us out of jail that night, thanks gia! 

madi: where is your favorite traveling location? 

kazi: i have a love hate relationship with dubai but i think it’s my favorite. or fiji, when me and mia spent a week there for our honey moon it was really amazing. 

madi:  what about the worst place you've seen?

 kazi: uhhh..i don’t know. i think i’ve liked all the places i’ve been. 

 madi:  do you own a jet? 

 kazi: i don’t, however me and mia just decided the other day we’re gonna get one so it’s easy to travel with the whole family. so soon i will! 

madi:  any tips for anyone who would like to start traveling and exploring the world? 

kazi: i’d say before you go somewhere do some research and figure out some cool things to do there.. like you can go skiing at an indoor ski place in dubai, or go to a geothermal spa in iceland, just gotta look it up and find the fun stuff to do. 

madi:  and we’re at the end of the interview! thank you so much kazi for coming! What can your fans expect from you for 2018? Any projects you'd like to talk about? 

kazi:  my biggest project is having a baby with mia, my family is what’s most important to me. smk will be expanding to nyc soon, i’m dropping an ep very soon and single coming even sooner. fazed vodka will be in stores everywhere feb 1st watch out for that, and i have a few other little things in the mix that aren’t ready to be revealed. thanks for having me on the show! 

madi: thanks to you kazi! okay guys, thank you so much for listening or reading this episode of blonde and bubbly. hopefully it will be the first of many this year! i would like to specially thank my two guests, Kazi and Kana! and also Sabine who isnt with us today and also mia bashir who completely redid our tumblr theme, thank you very much i absolutely LOVE it!  my name is madison ware and im blonde and definitely had way too much bubbly so it’s time to say good bye and see you next time!