#i also keep getting off track
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friend wanted to see my tumblr, and when i told him i canāt show it to him bc itās basically my personal diary he went āoh so I canāt see it but a bunch of strangers on tumblr can??ā he literally does not get me. no one will get me like the people in my phone get me
#Itās just so different#even though itās public it still feels secret and safe. i feel comfy sharing a lot more on here than I do in my actual day to day life lol#in my head Iām also just speaking to myself 90% of the time which helps#if a friend off tumblr saw my thoughts Iād feel so weird ab it#esp bc they might get the vagueposting about certain situations and tell mutual friends#no thank u. this is for me. Iām not about to start censoring my thoughts bc someone I know knows my tumblr#u guys literally saw me have LIVE BREAKDOWNS#meanwhile Iāll have the worst fucking day in history and tell no one about it. Iām already cripplingly private but way more so in real life#this is basically a low stress journaling outlet for me. itās so important for me to maintain the separation#like this is actually my diary & has been so handy for letting out emotions / articulating thoughts / staying on track !!#& Iāve met so many kind people on here who actually get me. which is so hard to find irl bc Iām surrounded by pre-med gunners/overachievers#who are by standard not very good w emotion & can be competitive/judgmental. or at least itās hard for me to be vulnerable in front of them#and Iām part of that crowd so I reserve my emotions only to a handful of very close friends#itās nice to hop on here and express negative emotions!! or positive emotions!! just whatever I want and itās low stress and people get me#I donāt have to worry about judgment or competitiveness etc etc#like everyone on here is so kind & nice & understanding. & just a breath of fresh air from the types I run w. itās just nice to have this#so idk thatās why I think Iāll always be strict about keeping the worlds separate. it just works#p
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Track list for Fig and the Cig Figs independently published Junior Year album (officially named āInfaethableā)
Teenage Rebellion
Night Yorb (a heavy metal banger)
Summer Scaries
Devils Nectar
Time Quangle (a love song about Ayda)
Multiclass (Gorgug sings on this!)
The Ballad Of Lucy Frostblade (Kristen was the one who convinced Fig to write this)
So Late, So Tactical
Do You Have A Fucking Warrant
Cassandra (Can You Hear Me)
Hall Of Mirrors
President Applebees (written entirely in the night after Kristen gets elected by a drunk Fig with extremely drunk notes by Kristen)
Raging For Love (inspired by Gorgug, of course)
The Elven Oracle (Has A Day Job) (So Stop Bothering Her)
Maximum Legend
Fury Of The Ball
Cursed
Infaethable
The Bad Kids
#i neeeeed fig to go indie itās her destiny#she promises each of them that sheāll dedicate at least one song to them and then dedicates a track to each of them individually#sklondas seething a tiny bit that she called riz the ball but he wonāt stop playing it so it keeps getting stuck in her head#adaine summons mephits to help with her track#you can hear her in the background near the end yelling āyeah!ā and āfuck off!ā#fabian wanted his to sound like a shanty but fig said it wouldnāt go with the vibe of the album#they eventually compromised by having the noise of waves and seagulls subtly in the background throughout#kristen actually cried the first time fig played the ballad of lucy frostblade for them#summer scaries sounds like an olivia rodrigo song#gorgug gets a sick drum solo in raging for love#time quangle opens with fire crackling and a bird cawing and a quiet clip of ayda saying āI love youā before the instrumental starts#fig stuck a quiet sound clip of gilear saying āoh fuckā and then a louder sound clip of her saying āoh fuck!ā in cursed#devils nectar is one of the slower tracks on the album#hall of mirrors is heavily inspired by the events at evil mordred and baron so you can hear a lot of influences from baronesian music in it#fig has a fucking sick as hell guitar solo and a couple of samples from just the bottomless pit in general in infaethable#Gorthalax also gets some lyrical input on it#fig manages to get a clip of riz saying āthe ball bitch!ā to kalvaxus in freshman year to put in fury of the ball#is this too long for an album? maybe but who cares I love this#a good portion of the profits made from the album goes towards college for the party#having thoughts about fig and the cig figās Junior year album#autism (mads) speaks#fantasy high#fhjy#fig faeth#fantasy high junior year#dimesnion 20#d20 fantasy high#fig and the cig figs
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#ive not sketched or shared sketches here for a while so this is one from the other week#maybe i will again.. idk.. anyway today im gonna try to catch up on some things ive been keeping track of / archiving on here#reminded me of also slacking on this#although idk if id call it slacking. more like overwhelmed with all this and not being able to harvest all that#energy into the tip of a pen but instead just letting it bounce off the walls and get lost something like that. rambles.#my art
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You know I probably would have figured out something was up with me genderwise sooner if people assigned female at birth were not conditioned from a young age to absolutely loathe their bodies in order to sell beauty products and diets and unattainable standards
#spitblaze says things#very hard to recognize that the background radiation in ur life is dysphoria under the unrelenting pressure of societal misogyny!!!#like i understand where some people are coming from when they say that transmascs are only transitioning to escape misogyny#which like. fuckin hell i WISH that worked. this shit is inescapable#but also we arent transitioning because of misogyny. were transitioning in spite of it#the entire point of misogyny is to keep Those Who Are Not Men in line#im not 'escaping misogyny' any more than the lesbians who refuse to style themselves to heteronormative tastes#'yeah but passing trans men get male privilege' yea maybe socially. and its not like im fuckin asking for it. i dont want this shit#you think i asked for that shit?? you think stealth and passing transmascs dont push back against misogyny and patriarchy???#weve been on the other side. we know what its like#obvs theres gonna be shitty individuals but if ur letting like three or four dudes shape ur perception of a whole group thats another issue#got off track there but i suppose thats what the notes are for#anyway te/-rfs. die. womanhood is not defined by suffering and youāre all defeatest reactionary shitheads
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You doing ok?
hi
#i'm alive. simply being chewed upon by multiple things#work is more stressful than i'd like it to be. for instance i'm hoping that i submitted my time off notification for tomorrow correctly#because otherwise it might read as a no call no show and i would . like to continue having a job#now to be fair. i do have it on the system that i requested it at the beginning of the month and i emailed my supervisor about it last week#so even if i didn't submit it correctly i'm likely in the clear#but nonetheless. i also got a firm talking-to the other day and now i am on āØthin iceāØ for dicking around too much#because they track ur idle time at my work (computer) and mine was Quite High so my supervisor was like man what the hell is this#but even though she was kind of baffled at me spending so much time dicking around#she couldn't even really be all that mad in the end because i'm still doing good numbers and have made no (zero) mistakes#so she was just like. it's kind of impressive that your numbers look this good when you literally have 50% idle time#so she goes imagine what you could do if you weren't wasting so much time#and yeah i can whip out some Really Good Numbrers when i put the effort in.#so the problem is not my numbers it's just that i'm not spending long enough doing my tasks for the day#but i don't want to drag out those tasks intentionally so i've just been upping my own standards/goals#as much as i hate giving any more of my brain power than is necessary to giant corporations#it's still easy to feel smug after you get Talked To and then immediately turn around and show off#like yeah i coulda been doing this good the whole time. literally pulling up by 20 points. i just didn't want to.#trying to keep everyone's expectations low but accidentally toed the line of um. not working enough to keep my job#...anyway. EAS national weather system issued a . hi#i haven't forgotten about all of you i'm just having trouble tracking all my shit that i got going on āØ yaaaaaaay#im gonna post things on AO3 soon. i promise. my weakness is that i get sidetracked trying to unwind from work#...i know i said 'soon' last time. but this time for real#asks#not sexy#anonymous
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If you see a Call of Duty fanblog that claims they are or were in the military I can say that 99% of the time they are lying.
A cishet white man who had a good experience in the military will not engage in fandom and will only brutally make fun of it, if he had a bad experience he is nowhere near the fandom.
A cishet POC man is the same, it's just a lot less likely he had a good experience.
A cishet woman who had a good experience in the military is, almost certainly, an ultra conservative who would despise fandom spaces.
Anyone outside of the categories above 99% of the time did not have a good experience with the military. They may have PTSD not from war zones but from how they were treated in their own departments. They may engage with fandom, but they will never idolise these characters uncritically and are not going to joyfully make it a part of their online fandom personality that they are ex-military so can totally help you with details (which given that all branches of the military function totally differently and countries again function totally differently they can't).
As a good rule of thumb, if anyone on the Internet is making something about them that conveniently relates to the fandom they are in a major part of their personality, treat that claim as unverified and move on with your day. You do not owe strangers on the Internet your blind trust and they do not owe you proof of their claims if they are not actively hurting anyone with them. If you think they are using their claims to actively try hurting someone, block them. These people thrive on attention and negative attention spends just as good as positive, do not give it to them.
#STOP BELIEVING EVERYTHING YOU READ ON THE INTERNET#like if I say hey I worked at sea and taught in Japan you should say 'oh that's nice' but not 100% beleive me#I am a stranger on the internet and while you can believe me at surface level if I got caught lying it should cause a shrug#it should not feel like an ultimate betrayal#get a fucking hobby if you are making all these sockpuppets this isnāt the early 2000s jesus christ#how embarassing for you#and also you are never truly anonymous on the internet you fucking tumshie someone with sufficient motivation could track you down#keep pretending to be military to harress people and you will piss off the wrong person and get HIV living'd
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just a quick ask to tell u it makes me super happy seeing the detail u go into when pointing out stuff u like about other people's art of ur ocs :3 it's so rare to see but it's so so motivating!! <3
Thank you! I don't take any interest for my art for granted, and if someone goes through the trouble of drawing my characters for me, I feel like trying to write a proper response is the least I can do. For a visually oriented person, receiving gift/fan art is a huge deal, it means someone considered my goobers worth their time and effort, they've probably been thinking about them more than a little and found them inspiring in a way or another, and I find that terribly flattering. It's extremely fun and interesting to see other people's takes on them. And I've drawn stuff for people as well, I know how nice and rewarding it feels to receive a response that is longer than a word or two. Positive comments like that can linger in people's minds for a long time, at least for me they do.
#this comes with a big serious disadvantage though#it often takes me a long time to write that response#my social batteries are extremely small and a lot of the time by the time I go online I feel too worn out to engage with people properly#I'm autistic anxious and severely depressed my spoons are in short supply at the best of times#I've always had really hard time putting my thoughts into words in a way that I find satisfactory#so I keep putting off reblogging gift art#because most of the time my brain is too smushed to formulate that meaningful comment I want to give#maybe that sounds dumb and fake#but this is something I've struggled with for years and I feel extremely guilty for keeping people waiting like that#often weeks sometimes months even#and potentially making them feel underappreciated and unnoticed#I'm also genuinely very scatterbrained and unorganized and I miss and forget things I'm supposed to do all the time#not to mention that I tend to have trouble keeping track of my mentions and dms and asks I'm only one person#so if you've ever drawn something for me and I didn't/haven't responded yet#please know it's not personal it's entirely my fault I'm kind of a mess#and chances are I'm still very much attempting to get back to you#feel free to remind me if you feel like I might have not noticed your post I really don't mind at all it often helps me a lot#and please if you can don't delete the post even if it seems like I didn't see it#because again sometimes it takes me a long time to respond#thank you to everyone who has stayed endlessly patient with me though I appreciate it#sorry this spiraled into a list of apologies and excuses this is actually something that bothers me a lot#because it's largely a mental health thing but easily comes off as ungratefulness#I'm trying to work on that#answered#anonymous
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Happy anniversary to *beep beep beep* Halloween... MWAH ha ha. It's heist time. Aaah! Thought you could get a headstart on heist prep? Good luck, *whips blanket* I'm already dressed. Well, *whips blanket* I am also dressed. And I made breakfast. *whips blanket* Wait, where are my eggs? In my belly. *lights* AAH! Now get a move on. It's heist time. I love Halloween!!!
#b99#halloveen#halloween#jake peralta#brooklyn nine nine#should I keep going?#some of you have asked me what got me through prison those many years doing hard time#Was it my family? Don't be stupid.#Was it knowing that my friends would eventually get me out? Of course not I never believed in any of you#No the only thing that kept me sane was planning for the Halloween Heist those many years doing hadd time#it was 8 weeks#i also went to prison dawg#we're getting off track here#amy santiago#captain holt
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this is your daily reminder that demanding that women boycott or sacrifice their fucking HEALTHCARE is not only unethical but also absolutely depraved.
#this also includes male leftists being shitty to female leftists for voting for kamala#not wanting abortion access to get even harder than it is. does not make you a bad leftist!#keep your fucking hands off of womenās healthcare.#ive decided that i dont care anymore if this phrase bothers people bc you guys have completely lost track on how to act:#if you dont have a uterus keep your fucking mouth shut#rosie speaks
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SUCH an autism moment to me -- not only for the mirroring but also the strange, tense way Spock moves to do it. Like he's not at all confident in his ability to move his limbs in the right configuration to reach the desired endpoint and he's not even 100% sure if he wants to try -- Dyspraxia moments my beloved; Mr. Spock i'm Love you <3
#N posts stuff#star trek#st: the original series#autistic spock#vid#once he gets the first leg up there it's easier bc he's figured out like. where the top of the desk is in relation to his body#but the first one is rough bc of the amount of Gauging to stumble through - both in terms of where the object is AND where the body is#hence the tense way he like Grips the arm rests to lean back so that he can keep track of the rest of his body when he takes#his foot off of the ground & loses that point of reference#dyspraxic spock so fun to me btw his janky little runs are so close to my heart; i imagine the gravity disparities plays a hand in#the grand scheme of things but also he's Just Like That and i love him for it. 'spock has an Alien grace to him' = WRONG#that guy canNOT for the life of him figure out where his body is underneath him OR in relation to the spaces around him <3
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just got morrowind for pc and have to run it on the Family Computer in our parents' study, so am really living the 2002 experience of huddling around the desk with my younger sib while i play and they read bits of the guide (wiki) to me
#it's actually my brother's gaming pc that he hasnt been able to ship across the country yet#but it's more or less my dad's in the meantime#also im playing with openmw but only enough to do like lighting fixes (im blind as a bat)#will eventually get into modding but wanted as vanilla an experience as possible for the first go through!#but yeah the sib is helping me keep track of skill books and such#was really struggling the last few days to actually enjoy myself but finally looked at a very basic start guide and remade my character#and im enjoying it WAY more now#i miss quest markers but more so just knowing WHO to talk to or how to tell if something is actually a quest#(since not everything gets put in the journal)#has been suggested that i hand-keep track of things and i would Rather Burn#so we'll see how little i can stay off the wiki for quests!#cj rambles
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2024 reads / storygraph
At The Feet Of The Sun
book 2 in a slow paced high fantasy duology*
the right hand of the emperor (who is off searching for an heir) struggles with what to do after passing on his responsibilities and also discovering various pieces of information that are mindblowing to him, personally,
after adventure is thrust upon him, he travels to find His Radiancy and they go on some otherworldly adventures while growing closer and figuring out the nature of their friendship
(*thereās extra novellas & i think another book coming? duology adjacent, currently,)
#At The Feet Of The Sun#lays of the heart-fire#aroaessidhe 2024 reads#giggling and kicking my feet. and also crying#bro the yearningā¦.the yearning#I can definitely see why this loses people - itās so long and very self indulgent#(listen. i enjoy it a lot . but does it need to be THAT long (i just checked. 375k? lord))#but it is easy to read and also very funny. it felt less repetitive than the first book to me#I did find it hard to keep track of some of the side characters though#The first world-travelling stuff caught me off guard initially - I feel like all the weird magic was more background in book 1?#or maybe I just didn't pay attention.#taking a step back it is a bit like - kip sure does achieve everything and then some and just continues to achieve everything huh#and it gets to a point where it's like.....okay yes I get he's so talented at this etc etc.#but I guess itās a nice change of pace from the kingly swordfighting fantasy protagonist whoās perfect and wins everything -#someone whose skill is people and negotiation in a humble way is a bit more interesting. still. it maybe felt less grounded after a while?#the deep exploration of platonic yearning and desire for strong friendship and fear over that person just wanting romance/sex#when thatās Not what you want out of the relationshipā¦ā¦ā¦#not to mention his complex feelings over meeting two people who were like his platonic soulmate rolemodels#and then finding out they just used that term because gay relationships werenāt accepted and trying to not be disappointed#(because gay is also good!) but also like. so lonely in feeling like nobody understands his desire for a platonic soulmate#to be treated equally as romantic relationships are. oof#I am a little baffled to see people interpret it as a romantic asexual relationship?#I feel like that does such a disservice to the . everything that has been set up in what 600k words of books#like the implication of that is that you think other romantic rships w/o sex are unheard of in this world. I find that hard to believe idk#(I mean - a bit romantic on fitzroyās end; and in the nebulous queerplatonic area between friendship and romance; sure#but like a straight up romantic relationship just without sex - I donāt understand how it could be interpreted that way lol?)#(anyway other peopleās interpretations donāt matter)#I do have questions about the telepathic dinosaur soulmates. you canāt just mention that and now show me them#also. kip being like 'wait there were sirens? i wonder if i can hire them' kshfkjsgkf#asexual books
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in their recent track, bb had to juggle and resolve three different partiesā issues in the mtc track their issues were caused by three different parties in the fp all of them had to confront their secret thatās shaped their identities so maybe with the mtr track where we know hifumi is about share the trauma that shaped him we will similarly get jakurai and doppoās raison dāetre out in the openā
#vee queued to fill the void#*claps hands together* pls let me be right about doppo pls let my hc about doppo be true pls let doppo be a surprise this track PLSā#PLS KR IT WOULD REALLY MAKE ME HAPPY IF I WAS RIGHT THAT DOPPO HAS BEEN WORKING TO DEATH FOR A IZANAMI FAMILY RELATED REASON#DOPPO AND HIFUMI ARE CHILDHOOD FRIENDS WHATEVER HAPPENED BETWEEN HONOBONO HIFUMI AND DOPPO CAUSED THE IZANAMIS TO BREAK APART#BUT I DOUBT DOPPO WOULD TAKE THAT HES THE BTCH THAT DONT PLAY ABOUT HIS HUSBAND BRO LOOK AT ALL THAT ANGER HE HAS TOWARDS HONOBONO#PLS LET DOPPO BE GETTING SHIT DONE BEHIND THE SCENES#THAT BRO HE MENTIONED ONCE WHO WAS FAILING HIS CLASSES AND DOPPO WAS BLAMING HIMSELF FOR??????#LITTLE KANNONZAKA NEEDS TO GET GOOD BUT ITS BC HES HELPING DOPPO KEEP TABS ON IZAMAMA AND SIS#JUTO AND DOPPOS RELATIONSHIP THAT WAS ALSO MENTIONED ONCE?????#ITS DOPPO KEEPING SURVEILLANCE HE ON THE LOOKOUT BUT ALSO TRYING TO KEEP THE IZANAMIS SAFE AND AWAY FROM FURTHER HARM#JUTO WAS THE ONE THAT HELPED HIM SET IT UP#THAT BURNER PHONE THAT WAS MENTIONED HE HAS I THINK IN A RADIO???????#COMMUNICATION OFF THE GRID MEANT TO BE UNTRACEABLE ITS WHAT THE ANALOG BEATS LIKE DOPPOS KAOMOJIS AND THE RETRO GAME SOUND IN PML ARE FOR#LET ME BE RIGHT KR PLS#or you can say iām wrong and let me cook with my kuukou stuff iām not picky lmao
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me to me: i would like to buy one disability support item please
me: but you already have something like this
me: i know, but this is easier to use and will put less strain on my body
me: but you can just use the other one
me: the other one puts me off doing essential things bc of how daunting it is to use
me: but itās a waste of money
me: itāll improve my quality of life
me: but-
me: just buy the fucking thing
#today on ājust buy the fucking thingā im looking at freezers#bc i really need to stop putting off eating bc of how difficult it is to look through a chest freezer#and it genuinely does#it makes all my pain worse plus the exhaustion of standing and digging through it#so im looking at vertical freezers#also having a clear divide of this is mine and this isnt helps my anxiety so i dont eat something i wasnt supposed to#and i can keep better track of what i have again bc its all just my food#and its eofy sales everywhere so hopefully i can get a deal on one#but yeah bc we have a freezer and i could just keep using that my brain really doesnt like the thought of spending upto a grand on a new on#but theres a hundred reasons why i could use a vertical one so my brain can shove it#just bc the situation is manageable doesnt mean it cant be better#coming out of my cage and ive been doing just fine.txt#spoonie#pots#postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome#chronic illness#chronic fatigue#chronic pain#fibromyalgia#eds#dysautonomia
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fun fact about my deco sims. I often reuse sims I've made (mainly so I don't have to spend 5ever in CAS) But I reuse them across sets that I think make sense lmao.
so: one of the strippers from that set last year, is also the bassist in the rock band set. (her name is elektra)
Che, was a stripper I made for my legacy a while ago. Made sense to include him in the stripper set. But he's also appeared as a wasteland and snow day deco.
and there are many many more examples including ones that are being added in to my current sets i'm working on š¤øāāļøit's a fun little easter egg to mE.
#madebycoffee speaks#and all my deco sims have a name- mainly so it's easier for me to keep track off all the sims in a set#i write out the names in my planner and check them off as they get finished#also i made a spreadsheet for all the sets im working on#deco sims make my heart go pitter patter i think
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Summary: Emmet comes home to a kitchen covered in flour. Ingo tells another story.
Ingo's making a baking mess and no one can stop him
#submas#subway boss emmet#subway boss ingo#wing au#also no idea why random higher up micheal keeps getting brought up#tho i think this is the last time hes mentioned?#need you to know that the random names i come up with for one off appearence character are literally the first name that comes to my head#anyways#hope you enjoy!#tracks through the clouds
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