#i also just now realised that if it was allowed for
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ALSO I was just reading your post about ford and the reader swapping bodies and reader taking the opportunity to make him practice some self care for once and Ford making a fuss about it, and I just thought 💭
You, in Ford’s body, (gently) manhandling him (as you) to lay down and relax together for a while because if he doesn’t join you, you’re gonna be coming back to a terribly tense body later on. He gets to feel his own hands hold him by the arms and pull him down onto the sectional and keep him in place with an arm around his (your) shoulders.
Not that you’d really need to at this point because sweet Moses is this how you feel any time he does something like this??
Yesssssss!!!! The idea of him suddenly being like oh. oh I get it. is so fucking funny and cute to me.
I think he'd abruptly realise how nice it feels to be held like that and he'd be a lot more open to allowing you to treat him in a similar way. I imagine he has some hang ups about letting his guard down and being taken care of, but once he feels how lovely it is to be so enveloped by someone and coddled a little bit every now and then, he becomes a lot more open to doing so in private. He won't admit it outright but he definitely finds that he likes it.
And also, I imagine he'd get a bit of a confidence boost from that? Like holy shit, you weren't kidding when you said I make you feel safe/comfortable/warm/happy when I do this but actually the size difference is pretty significant and you do fit really nicely against me....
#asjksdfjd (affectionate) dork! loser! i love him!#ford asks#stanford pines x reader#ford pines x reader#asks#reader insert#he's like damn.... i'm kinda hot actually
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Some people were talking about Vi's "hypocrisy"...
(Spoilers below. Read at your own risk.)
And nope. Those are lies. Slander. And here are receipts proving the same...
Saw a few folks calling Vi a hypocrite because she prevented Caitlyn from taking the shot at Jinx. Since there was a kid in the way. Even though, APPARENTLY, Vi was all for it during season one when Jayce was concerned.
Jayce didn't want to kill the boy. He was aiming for someone else. The shot hit the little man out of nowhere because Jayce didn't even notice him there. He thought there was no one in the way.
That's why it hurts so much. That's why it stings and breaks Jayce's resolve. That's why he is disillusioned. He just wanted to do magic. Make the world a little better than before. And instead, he is now playing politician and soldier. And claiming lives.
This is Jayce's reaction when he sees the boy who died because of him...
And this is Vi, realising how much it's affecting him...
It's the intent that matters here.
Jayce didn't mean for the blow to land on the boy. If he knew the kid was there, Jayce wouldn't have taken the shot.
Caitlyn on the other hand wanted to shoot at Jinx while knowing Isha was in the way. She wanted to do it despite a kid literally acting as a human shield for Jinx.
I don't care how great of a shot Caitlyn is. When you risk a child's life, even if it is for the greater good, that's already taking it too far. And considering the fact that Vi clocked Caitlyn going in for the kill, you really think Isha wouldn't have?!
Once the bullet is out, no one can control it. Not even Caitlyn. And that very well could have led to Isha's death.
That kid wants Jinx around. And she is willing to die in the process.
Another point to note is the context.
Vi and Jayce were trying to dismantle the distribution of Shimmer. And when Jayce saw what it took, he pulled away. Vi didn't want to.
Silco's death was important to her. But it was now even more imperative because a kid died in the process. His demise would have been in vain if they didn't finish what they set out to do.
Vi and Jayce almost come to blows over it. And once Jayce lets her keep the gauntlets and walks away, there is Vi mourning the needless loss of a life...
I don't really understand what part of all this is hypocritical on Vi's end.
In the first instance, the kid had already died. In the second, Vi was making sure that didn't happen again.
And you know what? Even if it was hypocrisy, people are allowed to alter their motivations and decisions in the face of such fucked up and traumatic experiences.
Or in general, even! That's essentially the whole point. It's the push and pull of everyday occurences which help us evolve. Either for the better, or the worse.
Here's Jayce. Broken over the life he took...
Vi sees it. And of course she wouldn't want for it to happen to someone else. Especially Caitlyn.
Vi knows Cait is not the kind of person who would go through with it in her right mind. But that's the thing. She isn't in her right mind. Grief has overtaken her and now she will make sure it becomes everyone else's problem.
Also, if not being hypocritical is so important to you... How can you still stand with Caitlyn? What she is doing goes against not only who she is as a person, but also what she set out to do.
And that's the kicker, isn't it? Change is the whole point. They are undergoing tremendous amounts of irrevocable damage that will leave lasting impressions.
Caitlyn is so blinded by her desire for revenge that she doesn't even register any remorse. She is adamant on going after Jinx, no matter the cost. Even when it's at her own expense.
And for the people limiting Caitlyn's arc to nothing more than a sexy lady telling the world to go to hell...
Please open your eyes, or at least allow the others, to understand the layers of oppression she represents now. Not only to Zaun and the people of the Undercity, whose only fault was being born in the wrong place at the wrong time, but also for Vi.
That blorbo has gone through so much already. And obviously she has made mistakes. The whole premise of the show revolves around this facet. 'Cause that's what people do.
However, it's how you deal with it that counts more. And maybe it's just me, but holding your favourite characters and people accountable does not really lessen your love for them. Being blind in your devotion will definitely. 'Cause the disillusionment which follows is not pretty.
Know that I don't mean to offend anyone. Nor do I wish to criticize your perspective. If you feel attacked by my points because you made a joke or something over the issues I talked about here, that's not my fault. Nor my intent. Don't take it personally.
At the end of the day, it's just a show. You do you. I just cannot sit back when people spread misinformation or make baseless ignorant comments that are NOWHERE close to the truth.
It just takes a few minutes to fact check yourself. Seconds even, if you know how to do it. Maybe it's my fault for expecting better.
Anywho, that's it on this from me. Enjoy the show! And live and let live!!!
#Arcane Spoilers#CaitVi#Caitlyn Kiramman#Vi#Jayce Talis#Jinx#Isha#Fandom Discourse#Sometimes I do wonder if we watch the same show...#Etc#Take care!!!
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soulless!Sam and Cas don't talk enough they should be in snark fights 24/7
#they are both so snarky binchy and they don't like each other in early s6#i also just now realised that if it was allowed for#sam and cas would have the most 'i say mean things to you because you're my friend'-friendship#CONSTANTLY taking the piss#season 6
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There’s this deep possessiveness at the center of Luffy’s chest whenever he looks at Sanji.
Come with me. Be mine. I want you.
But he can’t take him by force - no matter how much he wants him. Sanji has chained himself to the Baratie with ropes made of grief and guilt, and he’s hard-pressed to let go, even now.
People don’t stay for Luffy, but he’s hoping Sanji may stay with him for the sake of his Dream. That’ll be enough - to have Sanji by his side while they accomplish their dreams together.
Or maybe, he’ll stay with him for the sake of Nami. Luffy knows the way the others have written Sanji’s flirtations off, but there’s a depth to Sanji’s feelings, visible in the way that he looks at Nami like she’s the prettiest thing he’s ever seen, like he’s blessed to have her near him. Maybe Luffy’s not worth staying for, but Nami is. It's why he’s going after her despite everything she says.
No matter the reason, he just needs Sanji to stay.
#thinking of this AU where luffy is immediately heads over heels in love with sanji but sanji is in love with nami#so luffy just has to deal with unrequited love and jealousy because he wants sanji so much but sanji is straight#he's also just more insecure and thinks he isn't worth staying for so he'll take sanji in any way he can get him#meanwhile sanji has a love at first sight thing for nami#and nami definitely has feelings for him too#but she's also pretty messed up with the whole arlong thing so she's just not in the right headspace for a relationship#she buries that shit until after the ts#HOWEVER by the time that wholecake rolls around sanji kind of moves on with luffy after realising that he unconditionally loves sanji#and like finally sanji allows himself to be loved back#and luffy who never thought that hed ever have sanji romantically is just soo happy its insane#and nami's happy the two of them are happy#could maybe be lusanami or sanlunami now that i think about it#but anyway#monkey d. luffy#black leg sanji#fanfiction#one piece#sanlu#lusan#sanami
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You know what I can foresee Tim getting so into hating Jason and trying to counter Jason’s 1001 Evil Murder Plans (that he definitely has) that he misses the court date that might have given him more parental rights. So then he just hates Jason even more because obviously this was plan #1002 that he hadn’t managed to counter in time.
And meanwhile Jason is just trying to get used to the fact that none of his favorite food carts are around anymore.
Tim is cursing Jason out for his evil master plan to ruin tims life mean while Jason's just crying in a corner somewhere bc he wants to listen to his music but can't bc he can't figure out how to get the stupid wireless headphones to connect
#ask#anon#im usually against the jason cant understand new tech hc#but#thats usually bc jason is only dead for 6 months in canon#so it feels very silly imo#and yes i know sliding scale blah blah i dont care its stupid#but sinces hes been dead for 20 years in this au#ill allow it#another fun thing about this au ive realised#bc jason was dead for 20 years i can say he was born in the late 80s and just have it set in modern times hehe#also ive designed both kon and Bernard in this au#and am now sad bc im really not gonna use them#tho i guess its just fun for me to know what they look like
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things that are hard to find: writing advice that isn't condescending.
#ambie.txt#I've been really thinking about this story in my head and wondering what caused me to get burned out from writing#and realising it's all the formal bits. planning an outline organising things into a timeline. I'm more of an impulse writer#and having to think about all those dry and formal things makes me quit before I even start#this is my autism but I hate having to stop and figure out all this before I write because that way I won't write at all#ever since I started free writing I discovered that I still love writing. I love it so much#but I hate doing all of the other things because they are not my special interest and they keep me from pursuing my special interest#it's just very hard to find writing advice that isn't condescending in this aspect#people stressing out you need an outline first are very common unfortunately#I'm more of a vibes no plot person and like to just discribe the vibes in vivid detail#before worrying about the plot too much. and yes in a story there had to be a plot#but if worrying about the plot and connecting all the scenes is killing my creativity#I want to just go from details first and bigger picture later#again. autism. also writing dialogue is the worst. idk how people talk. I don't understand body language etc etc#I have written some pretty good dialogue before so I know I'm capable. it just really sucks when I have to scrutinise everything#and think “would people say this? do they talk like that?” its draining#so I was thinking about writing dialogue separately. maybe write it as a script for a play#which is essentially just dialogue. and then match it with the scene descriptions I have written#like. I know I'm a good writer. I very good one. but the way I have been writing so far has burned me out#because it was too much focused on all the boring bits and not enough on the freedom and joy of just writing#which is why I love free writing. it allows me to focus on a few tiny details and then develop them into something bigger#also I hate writing on a computer so I got some notebooks so I can write on paper instead#it's where I'm most creative I've found#anyway this all just to say that I think following writing advice is not for me at least not now when I'm rediscovering my passion#and that I need to trust myself more and do things that make me happy#so um yeah. best writing advice is to just write and worry about it later
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VIKTOR NIKIFOROV HAS SKATED TO JUDAS BY LADY GAGA (2011) WITH SMOKEY EYE MAKEUP AND DESIGNER FUR COAT JUST TO THROW IT OFF DRAMATICALLY
KATSUKI YUURI HAS SKATED THE SAME ROUTINE 10 YEARS LATER WITH THE SAME SMOKEY EYE MAKEUP AND DESIGNER FUR COAT JUST TO THROW IT OFF DRAMATICALLY
#this has been a headcanon for 4 months now#CAN YOU IMAGINE HOW HAPPY VIKTOR WOULD BE#he would CRY from happiness#i love the idea of yuuri recreating viktor's routines to show how much they mean to them#and also because he can!!#idk i need them to be cunty and in love#don't ask me how yakov allowed viktor to skate to judas i don't have an explanation for that#yuri on ice#victuuri#headcanon#wait i've just realised i wrote 'how much they mean to them' i meant to write 'him'#experiencing hardcore brainrot don't mind me please
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The consequences of my poor financial decisions are here!!
#blame Kat for this lmao. she got the Yangchen novels first and I very easily give in to peer pressure (that wasn't exerted. but whatever)#three days earlier than scheduled too. which worked out perfectly bc I picked them up on the way home from grandma's#and carried them for 2 km. 2 hardcover books + the thick cardboard boxset they're in#+ the backpack full of food my grandma gave me#in the rain#I nearly fucking died#I'm not made for this level of physical exercise 😅#okay moving on#nia stop calling things like this poor financial decisions challenge#it cost like. the equivalent of 40 bucks#I have 30 times as much hidden away in my sock drawer#and I am usually responsible with my spending. I'm allowed a slightly more expensive treat every once in a while#also my dad doesn't know but I'm sure if I would him 'hey I spent 3.8k on a pair of books is that okay'#he'd be like 'why tf are you asking when have I ever said no to you spending money'#but again. I do try to be mindful#which is why as much as I want the lok art books and could probably ask for money for them. I won't#bc they cost an arm and a leg and I cannot morally allow myself to spend that kind of money#anyway. getting distracted again#do you know how hard it was to get these? I checked like 3 marketplaces before I did#and I was fully ready to get them in russian because non-classical english books are impossible to come by here#sanctions and all that. but somehow I did. and it only cost half the money in my bank account#I don't even know if Russian editions exist. these books were written before the war and before the gay propaganda ban but still#I didn't find them when I looked. maybe they don't sell them now that the law is in place or smth#I don't really care enough to look it up#the point is. I now own the books and can happily read about best girl kyoshi whenever I want#if the stress for an upcoming event doesn't kill me. that is#also I have read rok before but it was 3 years ago so my memory is vague. and I just realised how much thinner sok is?#I'll have to check the page count later
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When it comes to hygiene tasks and self care with disability and chronic illness, its pretty much a constant case of: don't let perfect be the enemy of the good.
Basically: it's better to do something, than to do nothing at all.
TLDR: Just because you can't do something "properly" doesn't mean you shouldn't do it at all. Do it half-way. Do it shitty. Do it barely. Do it on a technicality. But do what you can. Just try, because doing something will help you.
If you don't have the energy to scrub your body with a sponge, just rub soap over your skin with your hands.
If you don't have the energy to wash your whole body with soap, just hit the places where sweat accumulates, or where you're smelliest.
If you don't have the energy to wash with soap AT ALL, just sitting in water is better than nothing. It will wash away dirt and oils.
If you can't bathe or shower at all, a warm wash cloth is your new best friend. If that's too much, then try bath wipes. They're a bit bigger than regular wet wipes, and a bit more heavy duty. They're designed to help keep bed ridden patients clean in hospitals.
If you don't have the energy to dry yourself after a bath or a shower, just put on a bathrobe and get into bed. If you don't have the energy to get dressed afterwards, just don't. It can wait until you can.
If you don't have energy to brush your teeth for two minutes, honestly, just a cursory scrub is better than not doing anything.
If you can't brush your teeth twice a day, brush in the evenings. It will help take away the build up of food from the day.
If you don't have the energy to brush AT ALL, honestly, just take a cloth and wipe the plaque off your teeth. Rinse with mouth wash after if you'd like. Something is always better than nothing.
If you can't floss twice a day. Try once. If that's too much, try a few times a week. If that's too much, try setting aside a day once a week as a goal. If you can't keep a schedule, do it when you're able to. Hell, I keep some floss next to my bed so that if I forget and don't have the energy to go get it, I can just reach over.
If you can't iron your clothes, don't bother. Wrinkles are fine. Wear jumpers over wrinkly t-shirts. No one will know, and honestly, most people won't even care. If it's really wrinkly and it's A Big Deal And It Needs To Be Ironed, here's my life hack. Step 1: take a spray bottle, and spritz the item of clothing (while you're wearing it is easiest) until it's lightly damp. Step 2: use a hair-dryer on the clothes until they're dry. It gets rid of creases like nobody's business, it's easier than lugging out the iron and ironing board, and you get to have nice toasty warm clothes afterwards.
If you can't fold your clothes, try just hanging them up. It's less commitment. It's quicker to do. Granted, you need to have the space in order to do this, but it is also good at helping you downsize, and lets you visualise exactly what you have.
If you can't put your clothes away, invest in a couple of laundry baskets, and then just keep your clean clothes in the baskets. You can then separate washed clothes into underwear, pants, and shirts baskets. You can just leave them like that. I'm giving you permission to never fold your laundry again if you can't. Just leave it unfolded. Who's going to care? Something is better than nothing. If you can, try to put those baskets into your closet so that you can keep the clutter out of sight, and give yourself a more restful environment.
If you can't separate your clothing out into different categories and wash them "properly" (whites, warm tones, cool tones, darks, delicates / switching between hot & cold washes / paying attention to laundry instructions on the label) then just don't worry about it. If you cold wash your clothes, colours won't bleed. Maybe gradually over the course of dozens of washes there'll be some changes in hue, but it's really not as high stakes as the One Red Sock In The Whites Turns Them Pink trope makes it out to be.
I've pretty much come to the point in my life where if a piece of clothing can't survive the washer and dryer, then it's just not meant to be. I colour separate my clothes, and if I have the energy/remember I'll take my bras and jumpers out of the washing machine to drip dry. But otherwise, I leave it to the universe.
If you can't separate out your recycling, then don't. If you have a large amount of rubbish you need to get rid of but the idea of separating it out properly is stopping you from doing so, then just don't worry about it. I know it's not ideal, but if you have garbage in your room/house and you need to get rid of it, please just get rid of it. Don't let the problem get bigger and harder to deal with. Don't let "doing something properly" get in the way of keeping your living spaces clean. Please. Give yourself understanding.
If you can't wash your dishes, get paper plates. Obviously, it's not ideal, but it is better that you eat food than skipping meals. It is better that you have a clean kitchen, rather than having dishes piling up and making it harder to look after yourself.
If you can't prepare meals for yourself keep making the tasks easier and easier. If you can't do recipes, then simplify. Use pasta sauce from the jar instead of making it. Eat canned soup. Buy food you can just stick in the oven. If you eat fish fingers and microwave veggies every night, it's better than not eating anything at all. It's better than having to fork out money on take-out. If you need ready-made meals, then get them. If you're literally just eating a raw cauliflower for dinner; 1) I see you, 2) me too, sis, 3) something is better than nothing.
These are the basic things you need to do every day to function as a person. They are your activities of daily living. Brushing your teeth. Bathing or showering. Using the bathroom. Getting dressed. Eating. Drinking. Sleeping. Keeping your environment clean. You don't need to do these things perfectly, but they need to happen in order for you to have a decent quality of life.
And it breaks my heart, because I know that so many disabled people can't do these things every day. I'm not saying this to guilt or judge, I'm saying that these are basic needs; you deserve these things. These things bring dignity. If a disabled person is unable to do these things, it diminishes their quality of life. It robs them of dignity.
If you need help to do these things, Its okay to ask for help. It's okay to need help. But if you can't get that help and you have to do these things by yourself -- or you just plain want to be independent and do it without help-- then don't hold yourself to standards you can't meet.
Don't let perfect be the enemy of the good. Doing something is always better than doing nothing. Even if it's not perfect. Even if it's not done well. Do what you can.
#lord knows that im still trying to pull myself out of the muck and into independence and dignity#i had to set a rule for myself that i need to wear clean clothes every day. and that i need to wear pyjamas to bed#that one's been hard. sometimes I dont have the energy to do it and i just stay in the same clothes for two days at a time#or i go to sleep in what i was wearing. but when i do follow that rule my quality of life is drastically better#not feeling dirty or gross goes a long way to making you feel more like a person#i also made a rule that im not allowing myself to look frumpy outside anymore. that means clothes that look nice#no more trackies and pj pants and all that stuff. i basically lived in perpetual pyjamas for four years and im over it#i still dress comfortably but the important thing is that i dress. i look put together. i wear things that make me happy#(and i didnt need to buy anything to do so. i just needed to start taking better care of myself)#and i stopped letting perfect be the enemy of the good. i started doing things shitty rather than not doing it at all#and the more i keep pushing with my ADLs the better i feel#what helps is now i dont have to contend with stairs and that has made a dramatic change to what im able to accomplish#ive also finally built up enough strength in my body that im able to go to the shops by myself. so i can buy things to make easy meals#and mum doesnt mind if i just put some things in the oven or air fryer for us for dinner.#i still cant really cook. i felt bad about that for the longest time. i didnt even try bc i knew what id make would be disappointing#or it wouldnt be up to the standards of what everyone else was making. i was so sick of feeling like a let down all the time.#now i just make what i can and my mum doesnt complain bc shes in the same boat.#and yeah. having help would be nice. it would mean id be able to do more than what i can do by myself.#and its great to see how far ive come. but im not a burden. and when i have the accommodations i need i can do a lot more#i do something rather than nothing and my life has dramatically changed since then. ive just gotten better and better.#chronic illness#disability#chronic pain#spoonie#one things for certain and thats that im never going to let myself rely on anyone else ever again.#i never want to be on the other side of that ever again. I don't want to be anyone's burden. i dont want that hanging over me#i do things by myself or i dont do them at all. and god fucking willing i'll never go back to needing as much help as i used to#i really didnt realise just how much of an obstacle living with stairs was in my life. it was the biggest barrier against everything#stairs stopped me from being independent. if i couldnt traverse them i just didnt go anywhere. my world shrank so much#and not having the proper wheelchair shrinks my world even more. im stronger than i used to be but im still severely limited in where i go
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#okay so i am going to say this once and we’re all going to be on the same page#i find tommy boring#okay? i find him uncompelling as a character outside of the fact he helped buck realise that he was bi#other people love him for some reason - this is fine and i cannot relate#whatever#BUT my problem is that there seems to be no way to express my -tommy is dull - beliefs around those who love him#without being labelled homophobic#(this does include not caring if he dies - because i dont care what he does truly he’s Such a nothing guy to me. whatever)#and I am not homophobic#and well see it just so happens that there’s a loophole through which tommy hate is. well. not ‘allowed’ but morally justified#This exists because tommy used to be racist#is he still racists now? idk. who cares.it’s a tv show.#but if im not allowed to dislike tommy for being boring - surely im allowed to hate him for being racist right?#Anyways literally i couldnt care less if he is or isnt racist still or about anything he does#I think there are wider implications involved with how this guy who is like if a cardboard brick couldnt act is suddenly compelling people#to go to war for him#I also think anyone who believes his actor’s twitter was hacked is actually stupid but that’s unrelated#U m yeah well i think everyone needs to calm down#yes everyone yes me yes you reading this#And yeah idk. it doesnt matter if tommy is or isnt racist#(well…)#rather it matters that the ‘first stone’ was -you’re homophobic if you dont like tommy’#so the retaliation became ‘actually you’re racist if you do’#and because everyone wants to ascribe a moral value to liking/not liking a stale weetabix of a man#now we’re here#do you understand? do you get what im saying#can anyone hear me?#oh wow#did you guys know there’s a tag limit?#it’s 30
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WHY DID NOBODY TELL ME BURROWS END WASNT FREE
#I DIDNT TALK TO ANYONE ABOUT IT BUT STILL. SOMEONE SHOULDVE WARNED ME BEFORE I GOT COMPLETELY INVESTED#I know next to nothing abt dimension 20 I’m pretty sure I just saw a post abt burrows end specifically MONTHS ago and was like 👀👀👀#opened a tab with the first episode to watch later and promptly forgot about it#until last night! having a bad night and was like hrm what if I just watch smth#and I’ve been reading watership down recently!! finally got my own copy bc it was my favourite book when I was like NINE#so I am fully primed to fall in love with a story abt little animals rn and man#I am OBSESSED with this and also realising yeah I’m at a point where I could get very into tabletop rpgs now#what if. what if I just get dropout. what if I just do that. would that not be fun. I would like to see the stoats do stuff#i am so in love with Ava and her player and I understand so much more about brennan lee mulligan now. and VIOLA#viola may be my favourite character I’m obsessed with how she interacts with other characters.m#i NEED to know what’s up with thorn’s cult thing. and also thorn. what is going on there#hrrgrhehh the thing that’s holding me back is I’m allergic to subscriptions#impermanence. even though I know it’s fairly unlikely I’ll wanna watch it again any time soon I don’t like the idea that I’d have to like#in a couple years pay for it again or not be able to bc I can’t afford it even though I already paid for it once#I’m a books + cartridge games guy and it shows.#okay. I will chew on this. the price is not unreasonable and I have coincidentally also been looking at make some noise clips#it does not help that I basically never watch things but my favourite podcast is also ending within the next month (2 episodes left)#and this IS primarily audio so I could cook + watch mayhaps. and I’ve heard good things abt all other d20.#they have a 20% off first year deal on. annual would make me less stressed long term if I end up liking this bc cheaper + choice premade#and would also mean I can do it now and not feel bad abt wasting the first month bc I won’t be able to watch much for a few weeks#fuck it I’m allowed to make frivolous purchases sometimes I will simply swallow the subscription distaste#more stoats >:)#that aside all the players are incredible I’m pretty sure when this is done I’ll wanna watch other seasons just to see what else they do#okay go do the thing I believe in you you can spend money sometimes#luke.txt#update I downloaded the app. I am putting off the decision for another day now bc it’s 1:21am and I have not been thinking clearly <3
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i know i'm in the middle of writing a jamie backstory but i went back home to sighthill in glasgow a few days ago and it filled me with such nostalgia and warmth and grief that i NEED to write a malcolm backstory too
#jamie to me is more comfortably working class / upper working class#malcolm is more like me <3333#grew up with the bare essentials and had to work his arse off for anything else#i've always had that feeling about him i don't know why. and i feel like it adds this layer to him in canon#like seeing how working your way so deeply into the heart of the middle / upper class bubble can change you#but also the parts of your class / upbringing that never leave you even if you don't realise they're still there#i see both he and jamie's younger years and profoundly lonely#in that very casual understated working class scottish / british male way#no emotional support or outlet. no time or space to slow down or reflect. no room to process the loneliness#just trucking on and sticking in and getting on with it without allowing yourself to figure out if you're actually living#what i'm really trying to get at with jamie's story right now is this overarching undercurrent of casual isolation#he's not lonely. he's fine. but he is fundamentally Alone. he's out in the world with no one to help or rescue him but himself#it forces you to grow up fast and develop a really thick skin. and for jamie it's also somewhere to put all that energy#for malcolm it's more mental energy he's channelling. it's why he chooses academia / university#takes his mind off the parts of himself that he can't fix or deal with#i.e. the gaping hole inside of his soul + having a sick single mother at home who relies on him for most things#(malcolm is a mammy's lad with older sisters he reeks of that vibe)#anyway.
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I've had a stupid merlin au idea stuck in my head for days now and I know I'll never get around to writing it the way I want it written but I kinda wanna try anyway even though I am 100% of the target audience
#it's an f1 au btw#so I feel like a merlin x f1 crossovee is very niche#but I just have this idea in my head pf arthur as a driver and merlin as an aerodynamics engineer#and arthur starts off as an ass (as per usual) and thinks that he's god's gift to motorsports and all his good results are because of his#skill and bad results are because the engineers fucked up bad#and lowkey people don't like working with him BUT uther is giving red bull absolute mega bucks to keep him and he is actually a fantastic#driver in his own right. deep down he's not super satisfied though because people keep saying he's only winning because of his car#and his dad's money which is why he's a grumpy ass to most people and tries to claim good races as his and blame engineers for bad ones#also because uther probably taught him that attitude#in this au I think either Newey didn't exist but rb dominance still did or this is far enough after Newey that I haven't got arthur blaming#him for a bad car because y'all I can't do that it's too unrealistic no one would believe it#(yes I am aware that max and checo are currently complaining about a car newey made but shh)#anyway he secretly goes to sign for like. williams or something who currently suck so he can prove to himself and everyone else that he IS#a good driver and can drive a shit car well. he's admittedly doing fairly well in a tractor when merlin joins the team as the new head#of aerodynamics and arthur is giving him shit because he's so young and how could he possibly fix this shitbox#then Merlin's first big upgrade packages comes and makes a pretty big difference and arthur has to rethink a bit#the next season is the first car that merlin was actually mostly in charge of and it's a massive difference and suddenly it's competitive#meanwhile merlin's pov is that arthur sucks ass and he hates him but he keeps being told that arthur is his destiny#he refuses to believe this though and even though he has magic he point blank refuses to use it on anything that would help arthur even#somewhat indirectly like using it to help design the car. his official reasoning to people who know about his magic is that the fia wouldn't#allow it but personally he also just wants to say a fuck you to fate because he doesn't like arthur. but then they get to know each other#more and he realises that maybe arthur isn't that bad and they become friends like in the show#arthur is leading the championship (pendragon dominance could bore fans) but then he has a big crash and is out for a couple of races#by all accounts it's a miracle he's even alive (it's the only time merlin has used his magic for arthur). when he comes back he still has a#chance at wdc but it's way tighter than it was. maybe there's only a few races to go. he gets some podiums and his competition has some bad#luck (genuine not merlin) or something but then at like the second last race he can guarantee wdc if he wins regardless of where anyone else#places. he does it and merlin is the one to go on the podium with him on behalf of the team (maybe not for winning wdc but just his first#win after the crash idk) and it's this big emptional moment#also morgana was as good as arthur as kids but uther only supported arthur so now she works for sky or someone in a role like nico rosberg
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cant stop thinking abt that reply to bram's post abt the abusive cluster b parents so just know if u were abused like that, first of all, samesies and it gave me cluster b pds as a result, second of all, i promise no one whos calling for understanding of cluster b ppl is invalidating ur experiences. if u feel like they ARE, i sincerely hope u realise u dont have to have a medical explanation for why others suck. if ur parents sucked, u can just say that, and its freeing, and focusing on behavioural patterns instead of diagnoses (which u most likely dont have access to when it comes to strangers) will allow u to weed out actual bad ppl and keep urself safe(er)
#i understand its easy and comfortable to latch onto labels especially when it comes to parents#i did it#then i was diagnosed w the same shit#that was my turning point i think#when i realised we have the same shit and yet i am actively working very hard to be kind and compassionate#i dont go out of my way to be mean#at some point u have to realise that some ppl r just evil and mean spirited#and pds arent indicative of how self aware or kind or polite or compassionate someone is#i'd argue most of us put in SO much work to know ourselves and our potentially harmful behavioural patterns#way more than a neurotypical who never bothered to look inward for even a second#'these stereotypes dont come from nothing'#no shit! my dad called me both borderline and narcissist as insults AND I TURNED OUT TO HAVE BOTH#but let me tell u smth#most of my symptoms? are fucking survival mechanisms i learned as a child to avoid getting hurt. because thats what the brain does.#u know what else didnt come from thin air? sayings like hurt people hurt people#plus my victim complex allows me to write banger complaint letters now so theres that#look around u and be very comfortable w the fact that ur probably surrounded by a bunch of cluster b ppl that u adore#bc we're just ppl too#and ur doing urself a disservice trying to spot us#cluster b ppl can be evil ppl just as neurotypicals but they can also be ur friend who struggles w insecurities and is a huge ppl pleaser#bc they read the ableist posts too and they know everyone in the mainstream world thinks theyre evil#and when if u told them 'well my cluster b parents were abusive' in a less accusatory tone#maybe theyd look u in the eye w compassion and say 'yea i know how that feels and im here for u'
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hello so daily complaint about the religious sisters owning the student residence who are condescending and mean for no reason at all which makes the whole place unbearable to live in
#they come up with rules every other day just so that they can belittle us instead of politely saying what we did wrong 😭😭😭#also they seem to enjoy not telling us these “”rules“” so that they can yell at us when we break them even if we werent aware of them😍😍#2 of them are actually very sweet but i never see them. its always the 2 other real bullies who dont realise how dishonest they are#treating us like evil idiots all the time👍👍👍#WHAT IF i WAS NOT putting my boxes on top of the shelf JUST to piss you off??(were not allowed to put boxes on top of shelves apparently.)#like gurl chill its not that deep..#anyways its been pissing me off for 3 months now so thought id share😻😻#and mind you i am catholic so im very mad that THESE WOMEN are giving all the nice sisters some bad rep..
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literally to present the world with a better version of you which could mean facing your future and and forgetting past mistakes or finally settling on a brand new path while they both stare at ticket stubs from a film they saw together (literally they both kept the tickets...) and then they promptly throw away the ticket stubs as though they've just been burnt because they catch themselves doing something terrible - thinking about each other. (literally they both kept the tickets but then absolutely did not think about why they'd kept the tickets, because as if they've reached a point where they'll allow themselves to realise that maybe it's possible for them to enjoy each other's company yet. and then them throwing away the tickets is them being like nope refusing to think about why I kept this it never happened i definitely did not willingly engage in recreational activity with dan humphrey/blair waldorf and then i definitely definitely definitely did not keep the evidence it just didn't happen none of it happened i will not think about it ticket gone means no more thoughts on the matter okay case closed moving on time to go visit serena...)
#AND THEN THEY BOTH LITERALLY GO VISIT SERENA#gg voice while dan is walking out the door to see serena “ and forgetting past mistakes” blair looking at her resume blair walks into seren#but a new year doesn'#sn't wipe away old problems#dan&serena proceed to lock themselves into the same dance they've been doing since high school and it's#blair's words that are a significant part of breaking dan specifically out of it#and then blair with her resume trying to figure out where she belongs in the world and her terror at the thought of becoming her mother lea#s to her plotting and scheming for something she doesn't actually want that much#and it's in talking to dan that she starts to let herself make plans for her life based on who she is and what she actually wants to be#rather than planning her future to run from the fears that have haunted her her whole life#it's about how they've always seen each other the mistakes theyve made what they're afraid of#but also the beauty they're forced to admit exists in their enemy/frenemy (depending on the day)#so it's like now they're talking and they're showing each other how they see each other and it's so very different from how anybody else se#es them and it's these pictures that are completely different but completely accurate that help them break the patterns of their pasts#in that the newness the difference allows for the realisation of “youre not what you were” and the accuracy is like i know you we'll show e#ch other what we actually are we see each other#okay now i'm#just rambling but it's them running away from the fact that they enjoyed each other's company and then proceeding to spend the episode trap#ped in patterns they've been trapped in forever until they help each other realise that they don't have to be trapped forever and then they#end the episode beginning to actually face the future and settle on a new path when they go see another movie together#okay done now so sorry this is insanely long help
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