#i also in no way meant to start any drama about this btw

[seonghwaddict]

falling and sleeping — choi jongho

in which falling in love with you felt like falling asleep; natural and unnoticed.

best friend!choi jongho x fem!reader. genre. fluff, crack, friends to lovers. warnings. cursing, none he's just a little nervous. wc. 1.5k. rating. pg-13

lilo’s notes. hiii here's a fluffy little jongho fic because i love him. this isn’t proofread btw i’m sorry for any errors! also, my upload schedule is now on saturday's :3

listening to. from the start, laufey

masterlist.

“hyung!”

jongho burst into the living room of his shared dorm with wooyoung and hongjoong. hongjoong was nowhere to be found, likely at the studio or something, and wooyoung sprawled on the couch, watching a drama on the tv, scrolling through his phone, and taking occasional sips of his comically large coffee cup simultaneously. at the sound and sudden appearance of jongho, he looked away from the screen.

“something wrong?” he yawned, turning his phone off and dropping it on his chest.

“yes. i figured out my problem-“

wooyoung snorted, eyes drifting back to the television screen. “yeah? which one?”

“shut the fuck up, i’ll strangle you,” jongho paused what was supposed to be his dramatic monologue to glare at the dark haired fox-resembling man on the couch. he waited a second before sighing. “my y/n problem. i figured it out. so-“

“you have a problem with her?” at the mention of jongho’s best friend’s name, wooyoung’s attention was captured. if he had a problem with you, that meant something terrible must have happened. truthfully, wooyoung would hate that. he’d been rooting for the two of you for years, even if neither of you were aware of how perfect you were for each other.

“hey! stop interrupting me,” jongho kicked his shin lightly before continuing, “well, no, we don’t have a problem but things felt weird for some reason and i have come to a conclusion.”

“okay… and…?” wooyoung gestured for him to continue, his dramatic pause putting him on edge.

“i’m allergic to her.”

“… excuse me?” it was then that he decided to turn off the tv, giving his full attention to his younger friend.

“i’m allergic to her.”

“oh, for the love of-“ wooyoung groaned and threw himself back on the couch, screaming into a pillow, “CHOI JONGHO YOU’RE IN LOVE WITH HER!”

a confused expression crossed his face as he watched his friend’s dramatic antics and jongho sat down, forcefully pulling the pillow from wooyoung’s face. he should’ve found hongjoong instead, maybe he would’ve been more helpful.

“no, no, don’t be silly,” he tossed the pillow aside and spoke, hands flailing around to emphasise his point. wooyoung was on he verge of banging his head against a wall, “lately when i go near her my stomach itches and i feel all warm and sometimes it gets hard to breath and…”

the realisation that spread across his face was a picture wooyoung wanted to take and print out, plastering it on his wall and also adding it to his resume with the caption ‘i’m literally cupid.’

“… and oh my god i’m in love with her.”

a loud cheer left wooyoung as he sprang up from the couch, going on a five minute rant about how long he’d been waiting for this and how he always knew there was something. “you should go tell her right now.”

“w-what- no! i just figured out i’m in love with my best friend and you expect me to just… go and tell her?”

“that’s exactly what i expect,” he nodded, crossing his arms and leaning his weight on one leg, “didn’t she tell you about how she overheard someone say some guy from her workplace wanted to ask her out for valentines?”

“well, yeah… but-”

“no buts!” he held his palm up, silencing jongho. “you can’t let that home-wrecker ask her out before you. so, get your ass off that couch, change into something nice and go tell her you love her. and buy some flowers in the way.”

“it’s not home-wrecking if we aren’t even toge-“

“that’s besides the point, now do as i say if you ever want a relationship with her.” wooyoung rolled his eyes and turned on his heels, walking to where his jacket hung on the coat rack. he pulled out his wallet and, surprisingly, fished out his credit card to give to jongho. “this is for flowers and some chocolates only.”

and so half an hour later he was walking down the hallway of your floor of your apartment building, wearing an all-black ensemble of slacks a shirt and a trench coat, holding a bouquet of various flowers he didn’t know the names of in one hand and a small box of your favourite chocolate ms in the other. he could still abort and leave without you ever knowing he was there in the first place. you’d given him a key to the building a while ago, trusting him with it since your apartment was practically his second home.

he considered doing just that again, but the bought of you going out with another man who wasn’t him had his heart aching, giving him some courage to finally step in front of your door. he practiced what he wanted to say to you under his breath as he stared at the familiar dark grey door. when he thought he was ready, he reached out to ring the doorbell.

only to pull away at the last second and begging pacing back and forth nervously. eventually, he stopped, clenching his eyes shut and forcing himself to ring your doorbell. there was no going back now.

when you opened the door and you looked at him with your bright eyes and enchanting smile, he felt the nervousness in his stomach melt away and get replaced by butterflies and a soft pink tint on his cheeks. “oh, hey, jjong-“

“i love you.”

you blinked at him, not noticing the very obvious items in his hands, eyes fixed in his face. not quite understanding, you chuckled lightly, “you know i love you too.”

“no, you don’t get it. i mean, i in love with you. i fucking love you and i’m not sure if i’ve ever felt so strongly about someone in my life. i smile when someone mentions you, my heart flutters when i’m around you, fuck, when i see your smile it feels like all my problems have been solved and… your presence, god, it just fucks me up in the best way possible. i can’t believe i didn’t realise this sooner, but i’ve fallen for you, y/n. though, i suppose i didn’t realise it because falling felt like sleeping and sleeping feels so natural and easy that i never realised it until now.”

you stared at each other. he stared with all the admiration he could muster and you stared with mild shock and, under that, relief. “you… you love me?”

“oh my god, i… i’m sorry, i shouldn’t have- i’ve made things awkward, haven’t i? just- just forget that-“

you soft palm covering his lips drove him to silence, looking at you with wide eyes as you pulled him into your apartment, closing the door with your unoccupied hand. his heart skipped a beat as you grinned and whispered your next words.

“jongho, i love you—in that way—too.” you dropped your hand from his mouth slowly, looking down at the flowers and the chocolates, giggling, “you really didn’t have to get all this.”

you took them out of his hands slowly, avoiding his gaze, flustered as you placed his gifts on the marble counter of the kitchen behind you. he hadn’t said anything since your confession, cheeks burning and jaw dropped slightly. he couldn’t believe it. he couldn’t believe you liked loved him back.

he drew your attention to him, breathing out your name. “you… you love me too?”

“yes, you dense cabbage, i love you,” your laugh was melodic as you took both his hands in yours, nodding, “now shut up and kiss me.”

jongho’s expression finally changed into a giddy grin as he pulled his hands out of your grasp to hold your waist, leaning forward and brushing his lips against yours. when you didn’t protest, not that he expected you to, he deepened it into a proper kiss that he hoped conveyed his need for you. he felt like his knees would go weak as your delicate hands trailed up his torso to his head, brushing his hair absentmindedly as you kissed him back with equal intensity.

eventually, you had to separate to catch your breaths and jongho mentally cursed the human need for oxygen. he liked kissing you, your lips slotting together like puzzle pieces. when he felt like the tension had gone completely, he leaned forward to press repeated pecks to your lips, basking in the way you giggle and tried to meet each one of his quick kisses.

“i think i have a tiny crush on you,” you muttered once he decided he kissed you enough (it was never enough, really, but he wanted to let you breathe), fighting back a stupid grin.

“you think?” he snorted, one hand coming up to cup your cheek, thumb tracing your jawline and eyes full of affection.

“yeah, a teeny tiny one.”

he laughed heartily, giving you one more peck “i paid with wooyoung’s card, by the way.”

“in that case you should’ve gotten at least five more bouquets.”

network. @cromernet

taglist. @ad0rechuu @sankatchu @mlink64 @yeosangsbb @seonghwasbbgirl @likexaxdaydream @dreamingofyeo

[nataliesfirefly]

You and I Walk a Fragile Line - Farleigh Start x F!Reader - Part 6

a/n: hey guys!! im so sorry this part has taken me so long! im currently on a trip so i havent had much time to write! but i hope this makes up for it, im super excited for yall to read this!!! also i think im going to plan for this series to have a few more chapters, probably max 9 or 10! i love it sm i really dont want it to end 😭 but anyways enjoyyy and comment what you think! and again i apologize if the smut is mid.. btw this is not proofread LMAO

series masterlist

playlist

word count: 4.9k words

warnings: MDNI 18+, smut, fingering, oral (f!receiving), p in v, angst, language, smoking, afab reader

You’re sitting in your bed, reading a magazine, when your flip phone rings. You lean forward to pick it up from the corner of the bed, wondering who could be calling you this late. You raise your eyebrows when you see that it’s Lola. You haven’t spoken to her since school got out. Nevertheless, you answer it and put the phone up to your ear.

“Lola! Hey,” You grin. “Oh my God, I’m so glad you picked up. I’m so bored around here,” She groans, and you smile even bigger at the sound of her voice on the other end. “Around where?” You ask curiously.

“My parents’. I have to babysit my younger sister all the time. It’s exhausting, really,” She moans. “I just want to like, go to a party or something. Honestly, I would even prefer to be going to classes right now instead of this.”

“Wow. That must mean it’s really bad then, huh?” You continue flipping through the magazine, your eyes scanning through the apparently trending fashion and makeup choices at the moment.

“Yes. Ugh. You’re at Saltburn, right?” She asks. “Yeah.” You reply.

“How’s that going?” Lola questions, and you hear another voice in the background that sounds like her, only higher-pitched. “No, I’m on the phone. Go away. Shoo,”

You try not to snicker at her shooing away her little sister. “It’s…” You trail off, trying to decide the right way to describe how the summer is going so far for you. “I don’t know. Different.”

“How so?” You pause and wonder if you should tell her what’s been going on. You decide it’s probably better not to and keep some things to yourself.

“I think it’s just cause we’re growing up. I mean, we graduate in less than two years.” You shrug and reach over to grab your glass of wine. “Oh God, don’t remind me. My parents are still asking me what my plans are,” She sighs loudly.

“I can’t believe it.” You shake your head and close the magazine, uninterested in the latest celebrity drama. An idea suddenly forms in your mind.

“Hey, the Cattons are throwing one of their big summer parties in a few days. I could invite you?” You suggest. You hear Lola gasp. “Really?! I’d love to go. I’ve heard so many stories about the Saltburn parties.” She makes it sound so dramatic, and you giggle.

“And you’d get a chance to see Felix,” You grin as you hear her jumping around. “Yeah, I would! You don’t need to convince me any further. I’ll be there,” She pauses. “Wait, but they’ll let me come, right?”

“Oh, of course. They like me a lot, so I’m sure they won’t mind.” You assure her. “Okay, perfect. Thank you so much, my love. I’ll let you get some sleep. See you soon!” She squeals excitedly and you roll your eyes with a smile as she hangs up.

You set down your phone and sigh, looking around your dim room.

You haven’t been able to get Farleigh out of your mind since your little… moment two nights ago. He’s not avoiding you, but he’s not being nice either. He’s gone back to teasing you and embarrassing you in front of the Cattons. You should’ve known that if you got too close, he’d pull away and return to his old ways.

But every little glance you two share has your stomach fluttering and your heart pounding. Every insult meant to hurt or offend you has the opposite effect. In some depraved way, you like when he degrades you. The past two nights, you’ve laid awake and stared up at the ceiling, trying to relive that night when he made you feel so good. Just the thought of him had your mind reeling. You would do anything just to feel that way again. You’re hooked.

You can’t just keep wallowing in these feelings. You want to talk to him, work things out, and go back to how they used to be a week ago. More importantly, you just want to be in his presence. It gives you some kind of thrill to be around him. It’s like a game of roulette to see which version of him you’ll get each time, and you love it. You crave his attention.

You climb off of your large bed and walk determinedly to your door, opening it quietly and sneaking down the hallway. It’s quite a long walk to Farleigh’s room, but you don’t care. You pass Felix’s room, then Venetia’s. Both of their lights are out, telling you that everyone in the house is probably asleep by now. You can only hope and pray that Farleigh isn’t.

You eventually find yourself standing in front of his room. Dim light peeks through from under his door, and you sigh with relief. He’s still awake. Your decision catches up to you and you realize how stupid it is that you’re about to knock on his door. You shake your head to clear your doubt, raising your hand and gently knocking.

You hear his bed shifting and footsteps following close after. You swallow nervously, your throat suddenly feeling dry. Your heart races with anticipation as he finally opens the door.

Fuck. He’s shirtless with only a pair of sweatpants on. Your eyes trail down subconsciously before you blink and look back up to his face. Is he wearing underwear?

“Hello,” He says, his grin foxlike. “I can’t sleep. Can we talk?” You ask, your voice shaky. You curse yourself for sounding nervous. He crosses his arms and raises his eyebrows. “Talk about what?” He questions.

You pause, unsure of what to say next. What were you going to talk about? He would deny any feelings towards you, so what was the point of even coming here?

“Just let me in, please.” You step forward and avoid his gaze. He steps to the side wordlessly, opening the door further to let you into his room.

You breathe in the familiar scent of that candle he’s always burning, and the scent of his cologne. It’s musky and spicy, with notes of vanilla. You tried to memorize it everytime you were close to him. You walk over to his bed and sit down on the edge, looking up at him as he closes the door behind him.

“Can I have a cigarette?” You ask, pointing to the pack sitting on his bedside table. He nods, and you carefully take one. He hands you the lighter.

He stares down at you as you light the cigarette, taking a drag from it. He chuckles to himself and you exhale, furrowing your eyebrows. “What’s funny?”

“You always said you hated the smell. Yet here you are, asking me for a cigarette,” He replies with a scoff. “Maybe you’re just a bad influence,” You shoot back, and his smile slightly fades.

You can see his eyes traveling down your body, lingering on your thighs and your bare legs. You had outgrown these sleep shorts, but you never cared because you figured no one would see you in them. Well, there goes that.

“Are we not going to talk about the other night?” You mutter. “What’s there to talk about?” He replies, and you roll your eyes. “Are you-” You pause and let out a frustrated breath. “Are you serious?” You exclaim angrily.

“You can’t blame it on being drunk this time, Farleigh.” You tell him, and he freezes, his gaze faltering downwards.

“Can we not talk about that? Let’s just…” He sighs with exasperation and sits next to you. You turn away from him, looking out the window. You decide not to press the issue, since it’s apparently too much for him to think about right now. Honestly, you aren’t even able to fully process what’s been going on between you two.

“Let’s just… talk,” He says finally, and you face him again, exhaling a small cloud of smoke. “Okay.” You shrug. It’s what you both do best: Talking. About anything and everything, despite the strange history of your relationship. You guessed that it was because you had known each other for so long, that it just came naturally. He’s just… real. He’s never pretending or putting on a façade, at least around you he’s not. Around the Cattons, he has to, because to them he’s just the wild child, the comedic relief, the American. You feel like you are the only one that gets to see the real Farleigh, and it feels like a privilege. But you know that’s not true, and you choose to believe it anyway.

“So… Our third year at Oxford,” Farleigh says. You let out a breath and raise your eyebrows. “Can’t believe it’s already been two years,” You both smile, thinking of all the good and bad memories you’ve made so far during your years at university.

“Can I be honest?” You ask, and he nods. “I’m scared.” You say simply. His eyebrows knit together. “Of what?” He replies. “Graduating. You know, I’ll probably go to graduate school or something, but I need to start making my own money. Get a job. Do adult things,” You sigh just at the thought of all the responsibilities. “I can’t be on a scholarship forever. Or have my parents pay forever,” You continue, shaking your head. “I’m putting them through enough as it is.”

Farleigh nods again with a look of understanding. “I might go back to the states. See my mom, maybe stay there for a while.” He says. You can’t help but feel a little sad at the thought of him being away for so long. You hate to admit it, but you would miss him.

“But we don’t have to worry about that right now. You’re too uptight. Let yourself have fun,” He nudges you softly. “I’m trying,” You mutter. “Well, you’re smoking. That’s one step closer,” He laughs a bit and you roll your eyes.

It goes quiet and you stare down into your lap. You can feel his eyes on you, and your heart begins to race with anticipation. That familiar tension returns in the air between you and Farleigh.

You look up slightly, his eyes meeting with yours. Your stomach churns as you look down to see his hand inching towards your thigh, eventually resting on top of it. “I know why you came here,” He says, his voice lowered.

You look back up to him. “What?” You whisper. “Don’t play dumb,” He shakes his head. “I’m not.” You reply, trying hard not to break the intense eye contact.

You gulp nervously and finally look away, your face giving you away and burning red. “Hmm,” He hums, his thumb brushing across your thigh. You try to distract yourself by pressing the cigarette out on the ashtray on his bedside table, watching the little flame burn out.

He gently reaches up and grabs your chin, tilting your head back towards him. He drags his thumb down your bottom lip as you stare into his eyes. He grins slightly before moving his hand to cup your cheek, leaning in closer until your noses brush together. You know you shouldn’t be doing this. You know Farleigh is emotionally unavailable and toxic, and he won’t ever discuss his feelings or yours. But you can’t help but melt into the kiss, his touch, his aura. It’s like he’s magnetic, pulling you in everytime you try to pull away.

Somehow, every single time he kisses you, it’s better than the first time. Your tongues intertwine as your lips move in a perfect rhythm while both of you fall back onto his bed clumsily. One of his hands tangles in your hair, and the one that was resting on your leg moves up to rest on your waist, his fingers caressing your bare skin due to your tank top riding up. He eventually shifts his position so that he’s on top of you, and you turn to lay on your back underneath him.

His kisses begin to move down to your jawline, then your neck. He sucks and licks your skin so cruelly, but you don’t want him to stop. You breathe in the scent of his hair, his curls tickling your face, and you can already feel yourself becoming weak again.

You feel his hands start to trail down your body, resting on your hips, as he moves down the bed and you peer down to see him looking up at you from between your legs. Feverish heat burns across your skin just at the sight of it.

“Wait, wait. I’ve never-“ You start, suddenly feeling nervous. “It’s okay,” Farleigh replies, his eyes soft and warm as he gazes up at you. “Just relax,” He murmurs, gently pulling down your shorts and panties at the same time, shuffling them off your legs.

Just relax, you think. Easier said than done. You’ve pictured this moment so many times in the past few days, and you can’t believe it’s becoming reality.

And of all the times you’ve fantasized about this, none of them could ever do Farleigh’s beauty justice. His dark eyes are shining with something of lust and hunger, his plush lips slightly parted and his shoulders broad and golden. His curly hair is only slightly wet from his shower earlier, yet still perfectly coiled.

He looks up at you, trying to convey something through his gaze. “So pretty,” He mutters, tracing a finger along your thigh. Your breath catches in your throat and you feel your stomach fluttering already.

He lifts your legs up and places them over his shoulders. Your heart pounds in anticipation and you can hear yourself breathing among the silence.

Farleigh leans down and presses a few kisses along your inner thigh, and you don’t know how much longer you can stand his teasing. You watch him gaze up at you through his lashes as he dips a finger into your wetness and you see the smirk that tugs at his lips. He raises his eyebrows at you and your face turns red. “Stop,” You cover your face with both hands, your stomach doing flips. You can’t handle how perfect he looks right now, even as he teases you for how soaked you are already.

“Hey, look at me,” He says, his deep voice vibrating against your skin. You let your hands fall back to your sides, smiling shyly. His expression turns more serious as he furrows his brows, slipping his finger inside of you. He moans before you even can, his head falling against your thigh.

That familiar stretch around his finger has your mind reeling as you throw your head back. He pulls it out and you whimper at the loss, until you feel his middle and ring finger on your clit. Your hands instinctively move to grasp the sheets as he strokes your bundle of nerves perfectly, letting your head fall back down to watch him. He continues to maintain eye contact and it makes you so weak.

Your brain almost turns to mush as you see him leaning down, his head buried between your legs. A moan louder than you intended leaves your mouth as you feel his tongue greedily licking a stripe up your pussy.

“Shit,” You huff, your chest heaving up and down. No one had ever given you head before, until now, so you didn’t really understand your girlfriends when they would tell you how amazing it felt. But now, you completely get it. His tongue moves in long, slow strokes and his pretty nose nudges perfectly against your clit.

He barely lifts his head so he can stare up at you to watch your reaction. You grind up against his face, your hand reaching down to grab a handful of his curls. He groans at the feeling before inserting a finger again, moving at the perfect pace along with his tongue. The combination is enough to make your legs shake. The lewd sounds of him lapping up your cum and both of your wanton moans echo throughout his room.

“Farleigh!” You almost scream his name before letting out a long, drawn out moan. He glances up at you once more, his pupils huge with lust. He moans against you as he absolutely devours you, adding a second finger in. His long fingers brush against that divine spot inside of you and you whimper helplessly, your other hand gripping his sheets as if it could help ground you somehow. That delicious heat builds in the base of your stomach, spreading like a fire.

“I’m gonna-“ You gasp for air, your chest heaving up and down. His eyes are half-lidded and he seems completely lost in the moment, just absolutely pussy drunk. “Let go,” He says, his voice deep and raspy.

And you do exactly that. The pleasure shoots through your veins like a drug, your grasp in his hair tightening and your hips rolling as you ride it out. You eventually come down from your high, letting your legs drop from his shoulders as you let out a shaky sigh, your heart still pounding against your ribs.

“Fuckk,” You breathe out, resting your head against the pillow. Farleigh crawls over you, leaning down to kiss you. The lower half of his face is covered in your slick, but you couldn’t care less. He kisses you passionately, desperately, groaning into your mouth. You can taste yourself on his lips and his tongue, and it just turns you on even more.

He pulls away, his lips hovering over yours. You look up at him and suddenly feel an indescribable desire wash over you as you stare into his deep brown eyes. It’s like you can’t get close enough to him, like you need more than everything he’s already given you. You want him inside of you. You want to feel every part of him. You want him to feel every part of you.

“Farleigh,” You whisper, reaching up to touch his face. “What is it?” He whispers back, lightly touching your own face.

“I want you,” You say. You don’t care how stupid you sound right now. This carnal desire has completely taken over you.

“In what way?” He replies, smirking smugly. “I think you know which way I mean,” You mutter. You don’t have time for his teasing, although you love it.

His expression softens and he seems to understand what you mean. “Please, I need you,” You can’t believe you’re begging for Farleigh of all people right now. You know you’ll be regretting it later. His eyes widen and he seems shocked by your confession.

“Far…” You whisper, tracing your finger along his lips. He opens his mouth to speak, hesitating slightly.

“Do you know what you do to me?” He asks, his voice soft. You look up at him and tilt your head. He takes your hand and guides it down below his waist while still looking down at you. You gasp softly when you feel that his dick is so hard underneath his sweatpants. It has to be painful. You slowly rub your hand against him and his eyebrows draw together as he stutters slightly, and it almost looks like he’s in pain.

“Baby-“ Farleigh whimpers. “Please,” You beg once again, and he nods, quickly taking his pants off and throwing them somewhere on the floor of his bedroom. You look down at his dick, and you have to keep your jaw from dropping.

It’s definitely the biggest you’ve seen, and although you haven’t seen many in your lifetime, you know he would be considered above average. It’s long, with a bit of girth to it, veiny and already leaking precum from the tip. You feel yourself starting to get nervous. You aren’t sure if you could even take all of it, but hell, you’re going to try. You hope he didn’t pick up on your reaction, because you know he would tease you over it.

He places his hands on either side of your head and leans down onto his elbows. He never takes his eyes off yours as he positions himself. You wrap your legs around his waist, letting your ankles rest on his back.

He slowly begins to slide in, and you grunt quietly at the pain. He goes a bit deeper before you panic and place a hand on his lower stomach, stopping him. “I can’t-“ You wince in pain.

“Yes, you can. You can take it,” He nods and brushes the side of your face with his fingers. He takes your hand off of his stomach gently and places your arm back onto the bed. You nod in an attempt to encourage yourself, gritting your teeth to withstand the pain. You reach up to his shoulders, resting your hands on his shoulder blades, trying to keep your nails from digging into his skin as you hold onto him.

“Fuck,” Farleigh grunts as your walls grip him tightly, sucking him in. Eventually he’s buried inside of you to the hilt, and you can feel every inch of him. You’re still trying to adjust to his size, and the pain is slowly subsiding as he groans and drops his head and closes his eyes. You press your hips up against his, trying to get him to start moving. “Far,” You mutter. You can tell he’s trying to hold back. He breathes heavily and opens his eyes again, gazing into yours.

“I’m ready,” You whisper. His eyebrows knit together as he rolls his hips slowly, causing your eyes to roll back and drawing a short moan out of you. He shudders, slightly pulling out of you before thrusting back in. You wonder how he’s so good at this as your nails dig crescent moons into his back with each slow thrust and roll of his hips. Your mouth falls open and you try to be quieter but it’s no use.

He buries his head into the crook of your neck, his curls tickling your face. He’s whimpering and moaning your name and other incoherent nonsense right into your ear. He sets a beautiful rhythm, his bed creaking underneath you as you sink into the plush of the mattress. You think you hear the headboard hitting the wall but you don’t care about the loud sounds you two are creating. You just don’t want this moment to end.

He looks back up to you and you can see he’s already fucked out. His eyes are even more glazed over than before and sex sweat forms on his brow. He whimpers helplessly and pants heavily. “You’re so good,” He breathes. “So, so good,” You could probably cum just from his words alone.

You let out a wanton moan as he hits that spot again, deep inside of you. “Oh, fuck!” You gasp and claw at his shoulders. He drops his head again, kissing your neck as he thrusts into you faster and deeper each time, hitting your spot over and over once he’s found it.

“Yeah, that’s it,” He groans against your neck and you feel tears brimming in your eyes. “Farleigh- It’s-“ You can’t seem to form words, your brain turned to sizzling hot liquid. “I know, I know,” He whimpers, his voice slightly higher pitched and breathless. You try to hold on longer, but you’re already coming undone as your orgasm hits you sooner than you expected. Your body stills and you clench even harder around him. He moans, that pained expression crossing his face once again. “Oh God,” He chokes out, his thrusts beginning to become less steady.

“Where should I-“ Farleigh pants. “Inside,” You tell him. You’re on birth control, but you don’t have the mental capacity to explain that to him or explain why. His hips stutter and he stiffens, finishing inside of you, the warm feeling spreading throughout your lower stomach. He collapses on top of you, his head on your chest, resting on the soft fabric of your shirt.

You’re already sleepy and physically exhausted from what just took place. You breathe in his scent one more time and let out a sigh, staring up at the ceiling and trying to process what you just did. Then he’s wrapping his arms around you gently before pulling out of you slowly. You grunt a bit, feeling a dull ache between your legs, but you can’t help but miss the feeling of him inside of you.

He adjusts the both of you so that you’re both laying on your side, allowing you to stretch out a bit and cuddle up to him, tucking your head in the crook of his neck. He holds you, and for a moment, it feels like a real relationship. Something you had never experienced. Something deep. Something real. And then you remember that it’s not. After this, he will go back to avoiding you and acting like he can’t stand you. You just wish that he would put his pride away and admit to you what he really feels. But what does he really feel? Are you stupid for thinking that there’s something here?

Farleigh strokes his fingers through your hair, brushing away some of the strands plastered onto your forehead by your sweat. He seems to notice your silence.

“You’re thinking too much,” He says, his voice beautifully hoarse. You sigh, relaxing your shoulders. “Am I?” You reply, your voice weaker than you thought it would be.

“Just sleep here tonight,” He mutters, resting his chin on top of your head. You so badly want to ask him to be serious and have an actual conversation with you about your… relationship.

“Okay… but we need to talk about this,” You respond quietly. He sighs and shifts a bit, careful not to move you too much. “We can in the morning,” He says, but you know that won’t happen. You’ll just have to settle for no answers to your questions for the time being.

You curl up closer to him and let your eyes close, breathing slowly and peacefully. “Goodnight,” You murmur. “Night,” He replies, sounding just as tired as you are. You drift off to sleep in Farleigh Start’s arms.

ONE YEAR EARLIER

You were usually on okay terms with Farleigh. But you remember exactly when the dislike turned into hatred.

It was right before end of term exams and Felix convinced you to go to the pub to blow off some steam and relax after all your revising. You reluctantly agreed, then regret your decision when you saw Farleigh and Sasha there.

It was pretty far into the evening and you were beginning to get sleepy. You had spaced out for a moment, staring out the window and watching the snow fall before you heard something that peaked your interest.

“I mean, Felix, you have got to settle down,” Farleigh chuckled and nudged Sasha, pointing his cigarette at Felix.

Felix grinned stupidly and shrugged. “Listen, mate. I’ve tried.” Some other friends of his joined in with the laughter.

You sat up and leaned forward, facing Farleigh. “You’re one to comment on relationships,” You said, raising an eyebrow. Everyone else sort of quieted down after hearing your words.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Farleigh rolled his eyes at you and Sasha just glared. “You and Sasha. You’re dysfunctional.” You responded, unafraid to challenge him.

“Excuse me?” Sasha looked at you like you just committed a hate crime. “Yeah. He cheats on you, you cheat on him, you get back together, blah blah blah.” You took a sip of your beer and shrugged. “It’s gone on for almost a year now. It’s exhausting,”

Farleigh chuckled. “Ohh, you want to come after my relationship?” He smirked as if he was cooking up a plan in his mind of how to humiliate you best.

“Well, I bet you would like everyone to know that you lost your virginity to Joshua Brown,” Farleigh said, loud enough for even people from other tables to hear. A small chorus of gasps echoed across the room.

“You’re desperate, easy, and sloppy. You take anyone who wants you. I guess that’s what happens when you get no attention before you go to college, hm?” He just kept going, and the whole room went silent

“I’ve seen you walk out of so many dorms at six in the morning, it’s insane. You can’t even keep a fucking man,” Farleigh’s tone was harsher and colder than you’d ever heard before. Felix was staring at you in shock and Sasha was giving you that judgemental look.

You looked around to see all the pairs of eyes on you. “Fucking hell, Farleigh,” Felix muttered, shaking his head at him.

You stood up and grabbed your bag hastily, storming out of the pub with tears in your eyes. Why was he such a bitch? Why did he hate you?

Your reputation was officially ruined. All that time, he never told anyone about your situation with Joshua. Until now. He was doing so well. The whole class thought you were an innocent and pure, high achieving student, and now what would they think? You wish you didn’t care so much about how others perceive you, but you do.

You hated Farleigh. You hated him for ruining your reputation and your image. It was impossible to get him back or do something worse, since basically everyone knew he was a slut. But he got praised for it.

Ever since that night at the pub, other students would look at you sideways and whisper things about you as if you couldn’t hear them.

Fuck you, Farleigh. You decided you were officially done with him and your weird friendship. Even if that meant having to avoid him at every cost.

taglist: @isla-finke-blog @ibimbogrl @drunkmysticsquirrel @alonia-olivia @novemilady @saltburnsworld @florkt @i-love-ptv

[bobbydagen24]

someone else on here suggested the idea of a Bro zone story where Branch gets turned back into a little Kid and the Brothers consider the idea of leaving him like that and starting again and I just wanna talk about this idea a little more.

like imagine it as an episode of a Tv show or something yeah I know its probably a bit too heavy and serous but hey its fun to imagine lol.

cause this idea has some sweet emotional potential like for whatever reason Branch is somehow magically turned back into a little kid and he's lost pretty much all of his life memories.

so he's well and truly naïve innocent and carefree again and Despite them eventually figuring out a way to turn him back to normal there's a bit of a divide as to Wether they should.

maybe early on in the episode Branch has a big argument with his Brothers yet again probably due to one of his paranoid or overcautious tendencies annoying them so much finally causing them to call him out on it.

and Branch hits back at him only being this way in part because of them because he had to be to make himself feel safe and have piece of mind since he had no one else and he storms off into the woods.

which is where he gets affected by something that transforms him back into a child with no memories.

I imagine JD would be the first one to suggest the idea of leaving him this way as in a way it'd give him a chance to fix one of his biggest mistakes.

as they could stick around and be there for Branch growing up like they weren't before and he could get a chance at a normal childhood without the Burden of Grandma's death traumatising him throughout his life.

not 100 percent sure about the other's reactions I feel Floyd would be against it at first feeling it isn't their place to make such a life changing choice for him.

but who knows maybe he'd be Tempted after JD guilts him over his broken promise.

maybe Clay would also be against it but Bruce to everyone's surprise actually sides with JD secretly showing a bit of deeper guilt over the whole thing.

being a parent himself and thinking no one should have to grow up that quickly by themselves and thinking of it as if it were one of his children and how he wouldn't want that for them.

so yeah it leads to a nice bit of Drama between the brothers btw I wouldn't have poppy involved in this story as its obvious what she'd choose and I kinda feel like she wouldn't even allow a Debate as far as this is concerned.

given she loves Branch and likely wouldn't even entertain the idea of permanently changing him from the man she's with currently.

anyway in the end of the story obviously the Bros do change him back after tearfully saying a final goodbye to the young innocent Branch who they hadn't seen in decades and who they'll never see again.

with Grown up Branch not having any Memory of anything that happened and the episode ends with maybe something like all the Bros sat around having dinner.

and one of the Bros out of somber curiosity asks Branch if he ever thought about changing the past so things could have been different for him.

but Branch actually kinda surprises them by saying that he has thought about it but he realises that just isn't the way life is meant to work ultimately your experiences do help shape who you are.

and he doesn't think its really helpful to look back on the past at least not anymore given the amount of time he used to spend doing that and he just thinks its better to accept the past and make the best of the present.

making his bros all hug him while sobbing in an over the top way because of how wise their baby bro grew up to be while Branch is just confused as to what is happening 😂😂😂😂

like I said I feel there's some very cute emotional potential with this little story idea.

[n4talia-chaparro]

"Omg 5 days without posting?! Lmao so funny."

Yeah I get it >|:/

I wanted to make this post cuz a lot of you were so "CoNcERnEd" about me and the allegations made by the anons. And well in case people wanna find "info". I kinda don't care if people wanna keep attacking me and shit but yk. I have to speak up and explain.

So I wanna start by saying that what I did last Thursday and Friday was very retarded and dumb of me and I highly apologize once again. I was not in the right mindset and it was never my intention to ignore anyone's advice. I have been mentally unstable and stressed that I couldn't focus. Yeah. I was having anger issues and a meltdown. I couldn't control them so I'm apologizing for the way I acted that time without thinking straight. It's not easy to be a CU artist because of what's happening and I admit it's not easy for me to be perfect like you guys wanted me to be. I tried everything yet you guys seem to judge and shove words in my damn throat.

About the allegations... the anons were also after one of my moots so I wanted to explain and debunk them. It's giving me a headache and overwhelming the living shit out of me.

(BTW pls I do NOT encourage harassment or any sort of threats to anyone mentioned in this post)

The grooming: this allegation is false. I'm sick of seeing them throwing the allegations around like it was some sort of volleyball-type shit. (I'm A MINOR !!! Not a adult-)

The reason why they were spreading those is because of my grooming situation I had a few years ago when I had 9-11 (and UNSUPERVISED). It all started on amino and I met my groomer. (I'm calling them M cuz yea). M and I were close friends and we used to talk. My groomer was a Krupp x Melvin shipper, a pro-shipper obviously, they would force me to do NSFW roleplay and art based on their favorite ship. (Keep this in mind I was younger at that time and I never knew how to say no to them) and they even guilt-trip me and stuff just make me feel bad and well. They would often force me to ship them too...yikes...

One day we argued and their friends decided to cause drama in the group chat. They pointed fingers at me and called me a predator. Again I was 9. I wasn't aware of what proshipping is until age 12. A lot of shit happened. I got threats, harassment, etc. And at the age of 13-14 I was groomed by someone different um yayy...:/// I was never taught about the internet safety.

And that's where the "Natty is a groomer" bullshit came from :/

I'm 16 now and to this day I keep receiving those rape threats and stuff over my past and then seeing people spreading those is dumb. The anon even went to Linavloger's blog to send a rape threat and told her I was gonna groom her. This is fucking disrespectful. Lina is Younger than me, she's fucking 13. I find it disgusting that you guys choose to tell her that. It's gross for fuck's sake. What is your problem????? For the love of God stop spreading that allegation. Not only you are making me uncomfortable but also the others who were involved. Literally, stop.

My trauma is not for you to joke with it or use it as a shield. It's gross that people are making fun of me for that. No I mean yeah. My past wasn't great because I met people who already sexualized me too many times but it doesn't mean you have to bring it up and tell everyone about it. :"(

The sexualization: The anon mentioned that I sexualized Harold in one of my videos which is again funny yet bullshit because according to them it was because of a pride month pin and small accessories..

When I say pin i meant this- 😭

Like I'm so sorry but how is this sexualizing him? It's a Pride Month pin. A PIN. How the fuck can yall be this stupid. It was an old video and you took it so seriously????? Like what???? Have you read the 12th book??? There's no way you think it's sexualization when it's Harold with an MLM pin.

This also goes to the AGERE subject. I do NOT normalize nor promote ddlg. There's a difference between ddlg/ageplay and an ACTUAL coping mechanism and I'm tired of hearing this bullshit over again like stfu so uh.

Ddlg/ageplay is where random ass adults roleplay as children and do weird shit.

Agere on the other hand is where someone reverts to a young mindset to cope with trauma, stress, severe illness, or disorders. (Mainly a safe way to cope ofc)

These are the differences between them. You cannot just tell me it's the same shit dawg. 😭

The "ripping off" thingy: another thing that I wanna address is about the au :/

The anons that I dealt with were just infini-tree fans/supporters and tree house members. Well idk. They may sound like whiney little cunts but still-- my AU does NOT have any similarity with THAT. Why would I steal ideas from someone who BLOCKED me for no reason and sent her fans after me??? No really how? How can a blocked user steal ideas if they can't see, or interact with the post (like & reblog)? Be real y'all. You may seem ridiculous if you believed those anons cuz none of them didn't pull the evidence out of their ass. 💀

"You need to apologize to her" for what? Dawg I didn't do jack shit to her in the first place LMAO yeah like--- don't get me started on that bs again. I don't wanna hear her damn name, I don't wanna know anything about her aus and shiii-- or anything related to her in my inbox or dm. I do NOT wanna have anything to do with that individual. End of the story. Not trying to be harsh, rude, or anything but like. It's annoying. I don't like to be compared to anyone or deal with the same bullshit.

Mhm yea like man. Idk what else I need to debunk but pls don't believe those anons dawg.

You can't even ask for proof cuz they don't gave any 🥰🥰💀💀💀‼️‼️‼️😭😭😭 LOL IMAGINE FABRICATING ALLEGATIONS Y'ALL ARE SO DUMB 🗣‼️‼️‼️🔥🔥🔥

[ca-suffit]

neilcfreak hasn't been seen in the fandom in a *long* time, so kind of fucking weird and obvious that nalyra gets a bait ask (which she knows is a bait ask) saying it *must* be bullying that caused it and listing every way neil was a good person. where tf has neilcfreak been much in the last year? besides a few months ago when she was trying to cover up for white fandom. nobody cares about u girl, nobody is rly sending these asks about u except ur own friends (or u lol).

anyway who wants neilcfreak's racist receipts :)

last year, ao3 was getting called out for never following up with their promises made in the wake of BLM 2020 to better protect users against racist harassment. neil and a black user commented on the same post, the black user replying to neil's comment u can see above of "if u don't like it make ur own site lol."

this white user (futureevilscientist) then random af pulled the asks out and tagged the black user at the start of the post to talk all this shit AT them fsr?

then later, neil shows up herself.

this is the part u cannot *cannot* say is not racist. neil is directly replying to a reblog of *someone else's main post* and placing full blame for a "call out post" on the *black* user.

she then pulls out her white jewish shit to speak over the main topic, which is racism / antiblackness.

playing oppression olympics can be done by any marginalized group but it usually works the best for white ppl because white ppl get the most sympathy when doing this (u want the most shining example, how often are we talking about white gay oppression in this fandom above racism / antiblackness, which is the *actual theme* of the show...or even gay oppression through a black pov, since u see louis experience that constantly. how much are we told that this show is rly about white gays and nothing else?). ppl assume whiteness is more innocent by default so will pile more on a black user for "being aggressive" towards a *white* jewish user without needing any proof. that's what neil was counting on here. she also then had a bizarre, loud breakdown on her account for extra assurance she'd be seen as "the real victim" (for making a stupidly racist comment in public). ohh yeah weaponize those white tears girl. she then "quit" tumblr for a while and when she came back, as mentioned in the linked post above, she had to again mention "drama" for good measure. "remember how I was bullied off this site u guys :("

white fandom was all over her dramatic distraction posts btw (nalyra commented on them too, so she is v aware this happened). v few people reached out to the black user or cared about the shit they were dealing with.

these white fandom ppl *never* have any receipts of bullying either, they just *say* it happens and flock to give hugs so it looks like lots of support is happening for a real "issue." but it's not real. everything they do is meant to manipulate u. this nalyra ask is still doing that.

when ur told what to think about someone or u can't find evidence of things happening beyond what anyone, even a group of ppl, *tells u* is happening then u need to rly remain suspicious of the reality of it.

these are asks that the black user got after this stuff happened. so now we've created a new issue from nothing and we're not talking about racism or how ur bullying a black user over literally nothing anymore. now it's suddenly all about poor neilcfreak and her white jewish identity and victimhood from a big, bad black fan. she's gotta make this all make her look like the real victim to cover up how embarrassed and stupid she felt for being called out on saying racist shit.

this is why white ppl need to understand these abusive techniques and get on ppl's ass when they pull this, not just leave it up to black and brown ppl to do. white fandom will cry all the white tears possible and claim ur talking over a white jewish person, being antisemitic. it's an attempt to emotionally manipulate u, keep talking (think of how often claims of antisemitism are used to shut down anyone being pro palestine, it's the same shit). this is racism. this is weaponizing an identity to cause harm to a black person cuz u were caught saying racist shit and want to deflect. if neilcfreak wasn't a huge racist she'd have *also* called this out and told ppl to stop doing this on her behalf. that would require her pulling her head out of her ass first tho and not sending these anons herself prbly.

I was looking for a different receipt to end on but found this instead, so let's talk about this too since we're here

here's neil after this shit went down, trying to make anne rice all kinds of marginalized identities so ppl can excuse her abusive shit too. she never said she was queer and she never identified as trans. u can't just label ppl shit because stuff they said sounds "close enough." she did enough harm as a cishet white woman can u all fuck off already with wanting to find more excuses for never wanting anyone to criticize this piece of shit.

good riddance, wretched bitch.

[canonmisogynyvictimstournament]

PROPAGANDA

CHLOE BOURGEOIS (MIRACULOUS LADYBUG) (CW: Child Abuse)

1.) Girl was done so dirty… She was starting to develop and could've had a redemption arc and then they made her even more one-dimensional than she was at the start, dumbed her down, and the creator on twitter claimed she was never abused and that she never cared about her childhood friend, only his status. And in a scene that thankfully got cut by editors, her father was going to disown her, adopt her sister instead (who is like a "nicer" replacement for her) and pass Chloe onto her abusive mother.

And then a male character gets introduced who is also at first an antagonist with a backstory that gets revealed later, also a childhood friend of the same character, but it's acknowledged that he got abused by his parent and he gets a redemption arc and a romantic subplot and a spot on the hero team (which Chloe was excluded from because she was irresponsible with her power and revealed her identity publicly… Except he also did that)

This show is about girl power btw.

2.) Chloe was done so fucking dirty. So basically, the creator of the show (Thomas Astruc) created the character in the first place as a stand-in for his childhood bully (red flag no.1) Because of this, any development that she as a character got from the other writers (and it was a lot) got retconned, just because he hated her. Other, objectively much more evil, (male) characters (the main villain!) were portrayed as more sympathetic than her, because god forbid a hurt, abused, emotionally immature, unloved little girl be portrayed as anything other than an unlovable, unforgiveable unchangeable demon. Also she's obsessed with clothes, shoes and handbags, because she's a mean girl, don't you see, so obviously the nice girls (who don't wear makeup while Chloe does) are better than her.

3.) Stuck up spoiled rich girl is treated as worse than the actual villains of the show. At some point we get a glimpse into her awful traumatizing home life and she starts to be redeemed, but the second something doesn't go her way she backslides and is suddenly even more evil and dumb. Also her father is incredibly neglectful but it's portrayed as her somehow abusing him into doing what she wants and he's so sad about his awful evil daughter. He gets a redemption arc but never actually becomes a better father. She's seen as unfixable.

MILLA MAXWELL (TALES OF XILLIA) (CW: Inappropriate Age Gaps)

1.) Milla was the first female MC in a Tales game. Xillia actually has dual protagonists; Milla is a female demigod on a mission to stop global warming, while the other one, Jude, is a male med student who gets dragged into her quest. The game says that you can play as Jude or Milla… except it’s extremely obvious you are meant to play Jude’s route, and play it first. Why? Because Milla dies at the end of act 2. The plot continues in Jude’s route. If you’re on Milla’s route, you do not get to see it. Instead, you wander around heaven for a while until you’re booted back into the world of the living as a deus ex machina. It is impossible to follow. Milla doesn’t get to reckon with her own death, while her friends all get to reckon with it offscreen. All of this character drama is conveyed to her through two skippable conversations. Playing this was completely infuriating, not to mention confusing. Even in her own route she’s written as the cool, mysterious hyper-competent woman.

I have a lot of issues with the plot of this game (it’s bad!) but that’s the bitterest.

2.) 1.) If you decide to play Milla’s route, and not Jude’s route, there is a part of the game where Milla has her spine broken by the villain, and you are forced to play as Jude anyway. Her paralysis is resolved with little fanfare (the important part of this life-altering injury was Jude fighting to defend her honour, of course).

2.) (CW: inappropriate age gaps) Milla is 20, but she’s teased as a ship with the other PC Jude, who is 15 (despite being a university student? I have no idea why they did this; most Tales protagonists are 17-21). You might say “hey wait, it would be extremely inappropriate for her to be interested in him, as he is a teenager and she is an adult!” Well, first of all, it never actually seems like she is interested in him, like at all. This plot is solely about the fantasy of having a hot older woman attracted to you, presented for the presumed male audience, presumed to be playing as Jude. If you’re playing as Milla it is a totally bizarre informed plot that comes out of nowhere. Also, I guess to get around any objections to the age gap, the game pulls a “born sexy yesterday” type dynamic with Milla, where she might be a 20-year-old demigod but really she knows nothing about human society and Jude the prodigy has to teach her. Everything about this is extremely terrible from every angle—I don’t think the writers even thought of “teenage boy shipped with adult woman” as much of a problem because of the genders. And from Milla’s end the relationship is totally incomprehensible. They didn’t think about why she would be interested in Jude, because what’s important is that Jude has women who are interested in him (she’s one of 3+).

In the sequel, there’s an alternate universe version of Milla whose love interest is the PC of that game, a guy the same age as her. I was so relieved! They actually “are both adults” and “have anything in common”! Unfortunately this hint of a relationship ends when the alternate Milla is sent to super hell (not only dead but her soul erased from existence) for contrived plot reasons. We are supposed to be okay with this, because she believes she deserves to die. Why? Because her actions in this universe apparently indirectly caused Jude’s death as a baby. Even though she barely knows Jude, he is, of course, the most important person in the universe, and so the only moral option is for her to die by suicide. ARGH.

Again, I can’t emphasize this enough: she was presented as the groundbreaking first female PC of a Tales game. And we were let down SO BAD.

3.) Since you’re looking for propaganda, Milla Maxwell. Very skimpy outfit. Their justification? She has a handmaid that designed and created her clothes. But the handmaid is a 16 year old boy who’s in love with her. And she has no idea about human society, so she’s just like. Ivar put in so much effort, I’ve been assured this is fashionable. She spends a 2 hour section of the game in another plane of existence, in a skin tight white body suit with cut outs at the boobs and inner thighs

In the sequel, her outfit is almost as bad, but this time she chose it and they don’t even discuss it 🙃

[sl-vega]

✧Sticking to the Script✧-07

⋆｡°✩ 07-rebound already?

"Sorry about that, those were just my friends." you sighed as you put your phone into your pocket. You looked at Xingqiu again. "Thanks for agreeing to help me study by the way, I really appreciate it."

"No problem, anything for you." he replied as the two of you walked into the library. You chuckled and playfully hit his arm "Anything for me huh? Look at you being smooth."

The two of you settled at a table, and Xingqiu pulled out your chair for you. You got your textbook out of your bag, and Xingqiu took out his notes, and two pens, one for him and one for you.

"You need help with your English paper right?" Xingqiu asked as he sorted through his binder, looking for notes that you would find useful. You nodded, giving him your thanks as he handed you some lined sheets.

"You're doing a unit on Shakespeare?" he asked, underlining a few things on his paper. You nodded "Yeah, we're doing a joint unit with the drama department, we're analyzing Romeo and Juliet. And my essay is due tommorow!" you wailed, slamming your head on the table.

Ms. Lisa, the librarian, shushed you from her desk. You whispered an apology to her as you picked up some of the papers Xingqiu set aside for you. "Are you analyzing anything in particular?" he asked, still sorting through more notes, he got out a highlighter.

"Mainly the famous quotes and stuff. Our teacher also wants us to talk about the use of opposites in the play. We're supposed to cover at least one scene from each act." you explained as you watched him take more notes. His handwriting was so neat and pretty, even when it looked like he was just scribbling down words.

He handed several sheets of paper to you, some papers included scenes from the play handwritten by him, word for word. He also highlighted certain bits of the text, and made sure to include modern English translations for you at the back of the pages.

"These are my notes from last year. We did a unit similar to this. Sorry if it's a little messy."

You stared at the page, the blue ink had zero smudges and the sheet had little to no crinkles in it. "If you think that this is messy, just wait till you see my notes." you chuckled. "I know I already said this, but I really appreciate this."

The two of you continued talking, Xingqiu continuing to take notes for you, highlighting important parts of the text and explaining their meanings for you. Once again he had made an hour seem like a few minutes.

"And that's what Mercutio meant when he said 'Ask for me tomorrow and you shall find me a grave man." Xingqiu explained, finishing off his analysis to you.

"That also foreshadows his death doesn't it?"

"Exactly! See, you're picking up on this so quickly." XIngqiu praised you as he started to pack up his stuff, placing his papers into his folders and his pencil cases into his back pack.

You glanced at your phone to check the time. "You have to go already?" you asked, feeling slightly disappointed that he had to leave.

"Yeah, sorry about that. I'll see you this weekend though, I promise." He gave your hand a quick squeeze. You felt your stomach drop as you saw him exit the room.

Promises can be hard to keep Xingqiu

Xingqiu put his phone down and rubbed his temples. "You okay?" whispered Kazuha.

"Yeah, I'm fine." Xingqiu replied.

Archons he was in deep

additional notes:

-FINALLY GOT ANOTHER CHAPTER OUT

-so sorry for all the slow updates y'all

-i'm trying

-i was writing for another smau i have coming up

-my commitment issues will be the end of me

-holy hell this chapter got a tad deep

-KAZUHA CAMEO

-they're both in their english class during the xingqiu + kazuha scene btw

-lol not y/n being a drama queen cuz she's upset that she has to wait three whole days before seeing xingqiu again

-you guys don't have any classes together btw

-that blue flower gif means that i'm switching povs mid chapter btw

-i went thru sm different versions for this chapter

-ty to @EggosForBreakfast on wattpad for proofreading this for me

-you should go follow them

-also ty to all my readers: @washa, @kasasim, @wisteriabl00m, @rebeccavsabrina, @nmriki0, @rainycafereader, @slu7, @melatoninsblog, @anticlarckwise, @esmetrees, @sn1perz, @littleheartbigbrain, @aldertree-g, @thebiggesthutaofanever, @lilac-sks, @amir8623, @freyao7, @mystic-alex, @myaaaajoy, @tartagliascummdumpp, @green-ginkgo, @lillyinfandoms, @charles-braindump, @samsamsam7, @leynita, @uuyuomi/@mwahkazu, @pwrson, @practicoi, @thatoneswordgirl

-names in bold mean i couldn't tag them

-dw that's just a one time acknowledgment to everyone who liked the original master post, you won't constantly be tagged like that, but if you want to be removed just tell me

-i'll totally understand <3

masterlist

<prev ll next>

✧Sticking to the Script✧

Pairing: Xingqiu x FEM! Reader

Genre: fake dating, strangers to lovers, slow burn, fluff, angst (?), high school smau, modern smau

⋆｡°✩-Synopsis: Xingqiu just got entered into a special writing contest, the type that's invite only, the theme this year is love, the only problem is that he has zero romantic experience. but he really wants to prove himself as a writer. meanwhile, you just found out that your boyfriend cheated on you, and you need to show him that you're 100% over him, the only problem is that there's no way you can get an actual boyfriend that quickly. clearly, the solution to both of your issues is to fake date each other. it shouldn't be hard for an actor such as yourself, all you need to do is stick to the script.

(OPEN) Taglist: @freyao7, @thatoneswordgirl, @sn1perz, @latay7, @esmetrees, @nmriki0, @help-whatdoimakemyusername, @httpsrenren, @cupid-spams, @aixaingela, @kaitfae, @luvkvni, @danhenglovebot

[qiriex]

Why do DnP have such a large transmasc/lesbian following?

Hi! So I put out a general feeler post about this, and it seems like y’all are interested in a big ass post about Dan and Phil’s relationship with their LGBT audience. Click on the read more for a bit of unhinged analysis.

I have… a lot to say on this matter, and tbf I warned you it would be long. This will mostly be focused on the wlw (specifically lesbian) and transmasc experience with DnP. Before I get into it, I wanna state that I am NOT transmasc. I’m a he/they afab lesbian, but I am in no way talking over any transmascs who have differing experiences. This post will mostly deal with the AFAB experience, as I am not AMAB and can’t speak for our lovely transfems/enbies/cis men! I love you guys, and I would love to hear about your experiences too, though! I’m going to be using as much non-gendered language as I can, however I’m talking about some pretty gendered topics so bear with me. One more thing to note is that when researching this, I found a lot more examples of Dan shouting exact communities out. This is a post about them both, as they are both extremely important to queer communities! It’s just that Dan has generally done more press runs relating solely to his sexuality, so there is more content there. I’m sure I’m missing a lot, though, and if anyone has more Phil focused clips/screenshots I would love to link them here. This is very much a work in progress post, I’m sure I’ll be adding more later and if you have screenshots/clips/anything, my dms and my submissions are open! Okay, done with disclaimers for now, I think. This post will be split up into a few sections: DnP talking about the LGBT community (both pre and coming out), how they empower their wlw following, how they affirm transmasc identities and what they mean to the LGBT community as icons. I would like this post to be free of any in-fighting drama, both from the Phandom and LGBT side of things. We are all awesome! 

Dan and Phil are both queer men who came out after acquiring a large fanbase that was predominantly AFAB (love you transfems and cis dudes going strong btw). However, a community that started out as a common “fangirl” fanbase over the years has shifted into a predominantly LGBT fandom with a disproportionate amount of specifically transmascs and lesbians. The word fangirl was often thrown around as an insult to people like us back in the day, but I think it makes perfect sense that a group of disenfranchised, young, queer AFABs would be drawn to DnP. Both of them were, for obvious in hindsight reasons, vocal supporters of the community. I can’t find an unedited version of the clip, but this clip from 2017 is a great example of that. Correct me if I’m wrong, but not a lot of non-out YouTubers educated their community in the way that Dan does in this clip.  I think sometimes it’s lost to time how bad YouTube used to be, that 2013-2017 time period was peak anti-SJW era. As basic as what he said was, somebody with his level of influence taking the time to educate his audience on queer issues as a presumed straight man was very meaningful. This not only created a safespace for young, queer AFABs but also made their specific audience more saturated with us than your typical “straight” YouTuber of the day. Their audience shares more demographic similarities with someone like Tyler Oakley than someone like Zoella, which makes sense in recent years.

This tweet from Dan from before he was out displays my point perfectly. To my enby ass, things like this meant the world to me and I can imagine it’s much the same for my transmascs out there. Going back to the clip earlier, though, I think that how willing to break gender norms they both were had even more of an effect in attracting transmascs who hadn’t yet fully discovered themselves. This isn’t denying that a lot of transmascs who were already out were drawn to DnP! Most of my Phandom friends were actually transmen back in the day. However, I think in retrospect there’s a huge pipeline from going into the fanbase as a cis person to coming out of it as… not. It makes perfect sense to me that a generation of transmascs would be drawn to and model themselves after the two of them. Going back to the YouTube landscape of the time, even their contemporaries had a much meaner edge that DnP just never had. This unfortunately made them targets of their fellow “vaguely emo relatable YouTuber” scene; people like Shane Dawson and Onision immediately come to mind, at the time they would have been in a similar category but in retrospect are nothing alike. There was an air of cruelty that Dan and Phil never fed into, consistently remaining themselves. I think that as a baby transmasc, people who stayed loyal to their principals even when it wasn’t the cool thing to do was really empowering. In a time when my friends were all fans of LeafyIsHere, Dan and Phil weren’t afraid to be kind. To be soft, even with the context we have now of how scary that really was. After BIG/COTY dropped, it was easy to see why they were great queer role models.  But I’d argue that they’d always been this, even before we knew they were queer.

This one will be a little bit more personal, but I would like to start this section out with a personal anecdote. I grew up in a fairly liberal household, in which I was told being gay was just fine. However, my mother just so happened to use the word ‘lesbian’ as a descriptor for any woman she thought was “unsuitable”. Ugly, boyish, mean, it didn’t matter; to me, lesbian was an unmistakably bad word. I knew that the word didn’t mean that, but intrinsically I had never heard it as something positive until I heard Dan simply shout out the lesbians on a YouNow stream. Simple, right? Four years later, and BIG came out. I identified as a bisexual “who would never actually date a man ahaha” at the time, and it was life changing. Dan and Phil have frequently shouted out their lesbian fanbase over the years to the point where it’s developed into a bit of an inside joke. This is meaningful for a multitude of reasons, one of which being just how demonized not only the word but the group can be. Even when poking gentle fun, neither of them ever lean into hurtful stereotypes. I went to We’re All Doomed last November, and when Dan took his jumpsuit top off the audience screamed. He yelled into the mic “I thought you were all lesbians!”, to which the crowd screamed even louder. You can poke fun at each other without playing into things like the mean lesbian stereotype, for example, and I think it’s things like this which show that they have a genuine appreciation for their lesbian audience. I can only speak from my own experience when I say that I was originally drawn to them for their authenticity even in a hostile environment. I was a closeted lesbain who had grown attached to closeted gay men, because on a level I didn’t understand yet I related to them. It was a parasocial relationship that if I never had, I wouldn’t have come out. This section is a lot less objective than the others, because for me it’s impossible to look at this objectively. A lot of the reasons that transmascs would be drawn to DnP are why lesbians would, especially in a less than LGBT friendly era like the 2010s. They were never afraid to be perceived as weaker than their peers if that meant being kinder, and from a lesbian lens this wasn’t how I modeled my new relationship with gender off of but what I wished the world was like. I grew up with a deep, fundamental fear of men that is still there, but when I would watch actual sunshine Phil Lester and Winnie the Pooh ass Daniel Howell it made me realize that there are people out there who have your back.

I think this is where the conversation turns to now; we are mostly all adults, DnP have been out and proud for four years now. The pair have returned to YouTube (gloriously, might I add) and can talk openly about even the most mundane parts of being queer. Dan has been a very outspoken part of the community, doing a really lovely bit of standup about it. Watch it if you haven’t. I don’t think either of them are obligated to be spokesmen for the community, in a way I think one of the most powerful things they’ve done after BIG/COTY is to just continue living. Watching two queer people thrive how they have is incredibly important. They’re still just as great role models as they have ever been, just with nothing to hide this time. I think now that most of their younger fanbase has grown up, we’ve been very reflective of our past with the Phandom. Certainly not me (lie). It’s not a mystery to me, though, that two groups of closeted AFAB children would attach themselves to figures like DnP. The pair’s content encouraged a level of creativity, of believing in yourself against all odds that was and is unmatched to this day. We can moan about how much of a demonic fanbase we used to be, but the fact is that we turned out alright. People wonder why our fanbase feels like the most healthy parasocial family this side of Tumblr, and that’s because in a way we are. We were raised by these two British dudes to be how we are today; smart, funny and creative. All kids have a rough teenagehood, don’t they? It’s no wonder why queer kids would be drawn to a culture like this, one in which despite everything there is still hope that we will one day grow up to be our honest selves. Dan and Phil did, and so will we.

Thank you if you made it this far! I know this is a bit over sentimental, but they mean a lot to me. They did back in the day, and they definitely do now. Like I said in the beginning, feel free to add on. I would love to hear about this from a transmasc perspective, or any other perspective! I just love talking about these two lol. Love you guys.

[bioethicists]

Your post about unfollowing people who’re really combative online made me think about someone in particular. Apologies if this is out of nowhere so feel free to ignore.

If somebody (with thousands of followers) who isn’t a part of a specific marginalised group habitually seeks out bad takes regarding them to dunk on, isn’t that a little weird? I’m not talking about defending your friends when they’re facing discrimination or dunking on the main bigot character of the day, but regularly seeking out bad takes from small accounts that’d otherwise never seen the light of day.

It’s nobody on here I’m referencing. I feel a little crazy because this person gets heralded as a huge ally and has a lot of people in this marginalised group who’re really devoted to and defensive of them but it just really rubs me the wrong way because they seem really discourse-brained more than anything else.

yeah haha ironically i think some of the ppl on that post are seriously missing the point (which i probably could have made clearer) in terms of some of them are like. people who clearly think being told they're racist is the same as the type of behavior i'm talking about.

but also yes! this is more what i meant- people who are seeking out fights with those who would otherwise never get any attention! especially when it's takes that are NOT popular or the response is just totally disproportionate. or just building a social media brand off of over-exaggerated hatred/meanness towards people who "deserve it". it reminds me of all the cis people on here who constantly reblog shit about like... putting terfs in meat grinders but then never even lift a finger (or, more likely, are part of the mob) when trans women are sexually harassed or viciously bullied.

i don't think joking about harming bigots is some grand moral wrong, but it's often just gratuitous in a way where... are you actually expressing outrage or are you using the performance of outrage to get followers? what if that outrage is directly putting people in danger (e.g, if you find a terf with 45 followers + start sending her death threats, is that helping anyone or is it potentially provoking more violence, which you know full well you will NOT be the primary target of). i can see how this behavior can result in members of certain groups defending you, because if nobody has shown their willingness to defend you, isn't it refreshing to see someone who will? it's not so simple, either, cuz i do think ppl who do this do CARE, but i'm not sure the way that they care is sustainable or would hold up to a real, complex situation where allyship is needed.

it's so contextual + i'm not arrogant enough to pretend like i'm the one who can see the context right 100% of the time. this is a little sappy but i feel like the difference is whether the root of the anger is love/hope or if its fulfilling your own desire to lash out/release tension/look good. like "i'm pissed because i care about my trans siblings + it hurts me to see them treated this way + nobody else is saying shit for them so i'm stepping up" vs "raging online meets a need in me that i'm not willing to acknowledge + here's the perfect target". not exactly that simple but sometimes u can tell someone would be a kiwifarms bro if they didn't need social capital from a different crowd, ykwim (which btw we regularly learn that certain leftists will comb through + disseminate kiwifarms shit if it fits their vibe, which is an automatic red flag to me that you only care about drama, not morals)

it reminds me of how some "callouts" are clearly written with the intention of preventing harmful people from maintaining the power to do more harm (e.g x popular artist sexts underage fans) while many others are clearly written with glee about someone turning out to be Bad (e.g x popular artist has a private twitter that i, op, SCROUNGED to find, where they say horny things about genshin impact characters)

[ask-obt]

I feel like this question has already been asked but i can’t remember and I couldn’t find the answer by searching his tag, so: What was the role of Akio in the original OBT? From what i can tell he’s meant to be Rune’s son, but what about his father? Is there a chance he could appear in the current comic, or would he just be repurposed into a new character? (Sorry for long prompt btw)

// the explanation was a bit buried into this ask here (which also talks about other plot points from old OBT), but I'd be happy to give a more accessible version of an explanation as well as some extra context! so akio is the remnant of an arc I had in mind for rune from the very early era of preboot OBT up until I officially scrapped him in 2020. october 6th, 2020 in fact (happy die day you little freak)! in old OBT his role was to be the son of rune and some rando from the luxio tribe in a one night stand, mostly to stir drama between her and kodali. later on it turned out that luxio had the same name as one of my partner's characters (a mew named Xander), and we joked about Xander shapeshifting into a Luxio and blending into the tribe and getting together with rune... and then I made doodles of a vulpix with fun little mew traits, and got attached to the idea! around that time I was gearing up for the reboot of OBT, so he's... well, I was gonna say alolan, but this was actually my first doodle of that fire opal vulpix concept!

and then I thought "actually it'd be more fun if he was kantonian and also will help differentiate his design from rune" which is where you get the current iteration of his design that I use for memeing purposes

then with this being in the reboot timeline, it meant it started intersecting and butting heads with other arcs I had planned. I can probably go more into detail with that once we're a bit further along in the story, but basically rune was A Little Cringe for the circumstances she ended up with xander in the reboot, which would've ended up giving akio a bit of tasty insecurity as he got older and realized he resembled his dad in several ways he didn't like.

one of those ways being that he was flirty, but didn't want to commit to having a family

but that said... these were all headcanons for akio when he was older, aka either in the epilogue of OBT or in a potential sequel. which would've meant I'd have to carry around a baby character that I didn't really have any strong feelings about, a character arc for rune that was fitting with the story less and less over time, all for an epilogue or sequel that may or may not have seen the light of day. don't get me wrong, i still LOVE the idea of exploring this type of arc. but... does it have to be rune's son? she has a bunch of other arcs to explore, and her experiencing motherhood was just complicating the story in a way that wasn't fun to write. overall, it stopped fitting with the themes of OBT and needed to be cut in order to tell the story I actually wanted to tell. so nowadays, akio is a funny little in-joke with myself as a remnant of a long forgotten storyline, and is floating around my brain like a dvd screensaver. maybe someday he'll find a home in a story (he'd be more likely to find another life in my original project before OBT), maybe I'll use him in some sort of RP/collab, or maybe he'll keep collecting dust. only time will tell!

[franeridan]

tbh i think oda meant to reach wano and make it all about zoro the same way he reached whole cake and made it all about sanji. I mean like, at the very beginning, back when he made him japanese and then said "there is a country that's one piece's japan, btw, and that's not where zoro's dojo is" - I think that's why his original backstory is so simple, it was supposed to follow the same trend as luffy's and sanji's and turn into this whole grand thing once they reached wano and discovered that he's the only direct descendant of one of the last daimyo and also of the greatest samurai ever lived, those are great bases to start some form of conflict on? tbh? and also directly mirror our finding out that sanji is some form of prince himself, but then instead we got to wano and the only thing we found out on page was that kuina's relatives were from there, and everything about zoro is revealed in a sbs family tree with oda going "I don't think I'll ever say this in the manga at this point so here". Imho what happened was that oda wanted to form some kind of conflict between zoro's family rights/what was expected of him in wano and his belonging in the crew, but then the way he evolved as a character through the story made it so that his only plausible reaction to finding out all that would be some form or another of I don't care and you don't really write an arc on that, do you. zoro's so simple minded and goal oriented that it's impossible for him to have any serious drama that's not about luffy, at this point. I do prefer it like this, though? everyone in the fandom likes to draw comparisons and parallels between zoro and sanji one way or another but my favourite one is the narrative foils one and zoro's lack of a proper backstory and complications to his being part of the crew make for a great black-and-white situation with them. something like sanji's story being all about running from his past and zoro's being all about running towards his future, I love that so I'm glad this is the zoro we got in the end

still, would be cool to know what oda had planned for him exactly

[lifeforms]

something really special about lana, to me, is that she's Unspeakably Entrenched In the whole ... comic worldview of people having destinies. she can't get away from it, first because of what happened to her and then later because of her enmeshment with clark and lex. like, even before anything went south there, they were both obsessed (very much in their own ways, of course) with knowing they'd be important. and the thing is both of them already knew that they would be. it was never a real question, in that sense: lex's wealth and clark's abilities literally guaranteed it. the only unknown was, obviously, what they'd do with the power they had.

and she just... didn't have any of that. she's been WORRIED about it for way longer than either of them --- simultaneously trying to prove that she's more than That Little Girl and that she's worth the space she takes up (while not entirely believing that herself, survivor's guilt being such an eternal theme here) --- but lana's never had anything even resembling a guarantee that she'd be anything special™. she works her ass off in pretty much every conceivable sense. constantly. her whole life. and the thing is, she's not even doing any of it with a concrete end goal. she doesn't care about fame or money or being the best at anything. she just wants to be a part of something! she wants to know she did what she could, where she could. she wants to feel like she belongs somewhere. she wants to give back to the town that raised her. and, you know, as Resident Major Depression, she wants --- more than anything in the world --- to know, really know in her heart, that it's worth the effort she puts in. that she's gonna be okay and that maybe she won't even hate it.

so, anyway, what happens, after 7+ years of constant torment / existential angst / consistent character development in All The Areas, is this: some guys from the future show up to stop some drama from going down. naturally, they're like, "oh my god, it's superman! it's really him!" and clark gets a bit caught up in the implications of everything (i mean, of course he does, he's like 22 years old). and they're talking to lana, you know, hinting around about how She has a Destiny, too. even going out of their way to be like, "your importance has nothing to do with these men, btw, we all just think you're REALLY cool".

and she just... walks away. she doesn't let them tell her anything. she basically decides it's not important, when actually given the choice, if it would change the way she lives her life. if it would cause her to play to some perceived notion of how she's 'meant' to be. and i think a lot of that is, yeah, she's seen firsthand and longterm what that kind of pressure does to a person --- any person! --- but i also think a lot of it is just that she's... not quite Gotten Excited About Living, but that she's started to see the potential in it. she's getting to know herself removed from her relationships (romantic or not) for the literal first time and she's kind of like, "hey, this girl makes some good points". it's a big deal for her. it's a huge deal for her. it's actually the best ending i could have asked for for her. and there's a lot of narrative pollution from the obligatory Tragic Cl*na Ending, but --- other than that mess of priorities --- i actually really do think the writers felt that, too. like, i think they're genuinely proud of her and generally in tune with her and want to see her thrive. the s11 comics did VERY MUCH have her go off to murder child abusers / be a literal human shield for endangered kids and then end on this interaction (with lois) (i do not think that was accidental lmao).

idk i just think she's neat. i like her. in a way, she really is The Hometown Hero of [my necks of] dc comi/cs. i think she should be allowed to unapologetically do crimes onscreen, too but. i guess we can't have it all 🥺

[forcebookish]

sorry but am I missing something here 😭 the directors/writers have REPEATEDLY said they wanted to portray different types of queer relationships and guess what? topmew are exactly that and also the most realistic which is probably why so many hate them bc it hits a little too close to home for them. believe it or not but most couples aren't just full of fights and passion (or whatever you wanna call it) but actually start out slowly and naturally progress into something more. now maybe that's boring to some but it's the story the writers wanted to tell and it's needed in a show like this. and the only reason things might seem weird at times is bc both we AND top know the dark cloud that is hanging over them but mew doesn't. the way they act in certain scenes is very deliberate. I mean I thought this was like the most basic of logic but I guess not.

yes!!!! i sound like a broken record but they're literally just dating!! they're supposed to be a reprieve from everyone else's drama, an island floating amid a sea of shit - it really is only because of that "dark cloud," (perfect phrase for it btw) that makes their scenes weird to viewers, not what the scene is actually showing. even top thinks about it less than these guys🤣

especially since they were looking for ways to condemn him BEFORE IT EVEN HAPPENED. even when it was obvious he didn't want to sleep with boston!!! do they really think he was lying to boston when he said he didn't want to sleep with him???? ?? ??? ???? for what purpose? to... sleep..... with him.......? lol

i've seen so many people twist scenes that were obviously meant to be sweet to suit their own purposes, either saying that something is "off" because [insert made up thing here lol], the music isn't "romantic" (and not all of it is, sure, but jangly guitar and soft piano isn't romantic now? ok), they're actually playing each other for whatever reason, etc.

the truth is, if you hadn't ever watched the trailer, you would never come to those conclusions. you would have no idea until episode three.

in fact, more people would probably have seen the shower assault scene for what it actually was. oh, the "narrative" (omg one person said this shit to me and i haven't let it go soz) is telling us that top is a """"cheater"""" because... he later sleeps with the guy he doesn't want to sleep with in the first two episodes?🤔 you would never think that if you didn't know that he sleeps with boston in the next episode🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄 they'd be like what the fuck top told him he doesn't want to sleep with him and this guy ambushes him in a public shower, what a creep. (AKA THE APPROPRIATE RESPONSE.) the same goes for the actual car scene!

but see, thinking that they have any logic is your first mistake, anon. error 404: logic not found. i've even seen someone who thought that top was glaring at boston in the pool with nick because he was "jealous." like what...

still i'm with you, friend, i'm blindsided every week by the depths of stupidity these people will sink just to serve their own purposes. it's extra embarrassing that the writers (WHO ARE GOOD WRITERS) have to keep explaining the most basic of concepts... and yet they keep doing it...

at least we all have each other <3

thanks for stopping by!!!

[blueskiestarot]

Tbh I think not everyone has the same experience, for example my guides send me signs about my person without me asking like I'm randomly watching TV and I got many signs and I'm like "😲" but when I ask tarot readers I also get mixed reading both positives and negatives but for some reason I automatically reject the negative ones idk of it's my intuition but I feel them being wrong even though I respect the reader let's say honesty. However, this morning I felt like I was moving on from my person after many years I started feeling like my feels for him were about to disappear, but noooo surprise surprise I feel again that strong connection with him. So, I take it as a big sign that we are meant to meet in person and be together (and our synastry further proves this) even thought it might be not for life. Maybe what my guides want is to stop obsessing over signs because they already gave me a positive answers/signs to be with him and they're like "girl can you stfu now" 😅

btw, I love your blog, Tara ❤️❤️❤️

Oh, for sure! Everyone's experience is different and no one should be comparing their journey with someone else's.

Yes, always pay attention to your intuition above all else! lol. My guides are like that too. They'll be like "are you seriously asking for another sign when I just gave you a million?" I know they are rolling their eyes at me sometimes. lol. I like when spirit has a sense of humor. They definitely don't want you overthinking or obsessing. So, I think they do try to calm that in any way that they can. Sometimes I'll be overthinking and feeling a little negative/discouraged about things and I'll do a reading and my guides are just like "are you serious right now? You're being such a drama queen and you need to stop." That literally just happened a couple days ago. 🤣

[yyyyanyan]

Book Club: Trials of Apollo series (1, 2, 3) by Rick Riordan

part 3 of camp halfblood chronicles! I'm done with this man lol I don't want to keep reading

So I happily went off to read fanfiction after finishing Heroes of Olympus and I got caught off-guard by a cute little spoiler :) and I was like "no way is this canon right? it's not canon right?" but I was too spooked to keep reading fanfiction. I could not be at peace. I had to start the next series. So I went and did that

and goddamn idk what it is about this series but it's such a drag. I don't particularly like Meg or Apollo (I think Meg is interesting, but I'm not particularly attached, and I can see when Apollo is meant to be funny, but I'm not amused) and I'm just not drawn into the story. I also somehow feel like it moves simultaneously faster and slower than the other books? Like I feel like I'm moving through molasses trying to get through the story, but when I reached the end of the book I was like "Wait, that's it?"

So on one hand I think Apollo's memory/knowledge is handled brilliantly and it adds tension without feeling like a straight up nerf. I also think Meg's backstory is SO interesting and I'm totally curious to learn more about her. But on the other hand... I'm so bored LMAO

I think Calpyso totally saved book 2 simply because I love her <3 She and Apollo are literally so funny together. I also think the drama of like, trying to save the little girl (I'm so sorry I already forgot her name) was really good? This one was way more interesting than the first one. But I feel like I was also just interested because my faves (I also love Leo btw I just didn't say his name) were back and less so bc the story was more interesting to me lol

anyways book 3. I'm salty about this one!! very very salty!!!!! So first I found out my faves (Piper and Jason) have BROKEN UP and then my fave (Jason) DIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm so upset about this one fr ToT HOW COULD JASON DIE????? HE HAD SO MUCH LEFT TO DO!!!!!! anyways the tension was really cool except I'm MAD that he died ToT like literally that's my big takeaway from this book.... Jason died............ I'm like extra mad because I just don't think things got wrapped up well for him!! Like I mentioned in the Heroes of Olympus post but his Roman/Greek conflict thing was soo interesting and I really don't think it was in any of the other charas so I was looking forward to see it expanding. I also thought his promise to Kymopoleia was going to be amazing and I got so excited seeing his little monopoly houses :( and then... you're telling me he's gone..... :((((

I kind of wonder if the Jason and Piper thing gets explained more because in my opinion it came out of absolutely! nowhere!!! so I just went and read some discussion/saw some spoilers about it and I'm just like :/ damn. I think like with all of the facts together and Hera/Juno's influence and how it felt like it was forced on them then then yeah it does make sense that they broke up :/ but like someone commented, I'm upset because the narrative didn't treat it like that! I'm just like really sad bc all of that happens offscreen and we don't get to see it happening and plus I totally thought they worked through the false memories (cough 6 months between Lost Hero and the argo II sailing cough!!). I think I could accept it if I saw hints of it but it totally blindsided me and THEN Jason just dies???? like ugh :( also I was shook when I was googling and I found out people didn't like him ToT he's always been my one of my faves lol :'D

Anyways I borrowed book 4 and I'm like a fifth of the way through I think? But it's been like a week at least and I'm tired and I've moved on so I'm going to take a break and maybe (probably not) come back to it another time. I'm curious how it ends/what happens but not curious enough to keep going. I am totally cut up over Jason and I'm too salty LMAO

[dontcallmecarrie]

For anyone wondering what’s going on with BDEL, Darth Calamity and...basically 99% of my AUs: every time I write, stuff going on in my life keeps coming out. Which normally isn’t bad, but we’re talking soap opera levels here. Like, ‘any more and I might as well write a biography’, and that’s Not Fun on a number of levels.

So, status update/ my internal narration on what keeps running through my head on the AUs you guys may or may not be wanting to hear about. Heads up for some minor spoilers, but way less than the outlines linked on my pinned post.

By Dawn’s Early Light:

...I have all of one (1) scene I’m eager to see, and that’s Howard Stark getting punched by Bucky in front of Steve Rogers. And maybe reassess how realistic this AU is, but tbh that feels more like something to tackle in the Coding Nightmare Fic I Have Yet To Finish because like hell I’m rewriting this fic.

By Myself But Not Alone:

look upon my works, ye mighty, and despair! Sing, oh muse, of the hubris of the fool who thought they could make their overly-complicated vision into a reality while only knowing the bare-bones basics of HTML.

...okay, but really, my main problem is that I’ve got several dozen pages of handwritten notes and outlines of potential Bad Endings to spice things up, but. Completely and utterly blocked on actually writing it out. Kinda debating on just posting what I’ve got and calling it a day because my brain refuses to expand on anything right now.

Live Through The Rain AU:

First off, I really want to brush up on Welcome to Night Vale to make sure I’ve got the tone right. Secondly, this one’s slated for Howard Stark redemption/character development boot camp via ‘yeah your world was just completely upended by one of the people you trusted most, no, that was just the first of many curveballs coming your way’, which I write when I’m trying to tackle a sympathetic and nuanced perspective of a very, very complicated man with a lot of issues.

...which means I have to be in the frame of mind to be sympathetic. Which, right now, I am not.

Incidentally, if you’ve noticed a sharp uptick in the levels of family drama in NHDD, this is why. Justin’s father is what happens when I am not inclined towards trying to be sympathetic towards parents who don’t have their shit together and insist on dragging everyone else down with them, Howard Stark is what happens when I’m not venting my issues onto fictional characters. [...apologies, btw, for anyone reading this. I try to keep personal stuff personal, but. This stuff keeps leaking into everything I touch, no matter how hard I try.]

Blurred Lines:

...this was my first fanfic, really. I’m kinda torn on how to approach it, really, because I started it out as an exhausted aspiring pre-med student who was not in a great place.

It’s been years since then; I am not where I’d once expected to be. It’s been over a decade since I’ve been up to date on what’s going on in Doctor Who, and noped out of Sherlock after the hot mess that happened after Season 2. On top of that, my writing’s all over the place because my teenage self had a long way to go when it came to storytelling, and part of me wants to go back and edit but the rest of me can’t help but think, ‘no, this fic has literally grown with you,’ even if it sounds cheesy as all get out.

All I know is, I want to finish this fic. I have a bullet point outline, next to no knowledge of Doctor Who lore and probably need to do a lot of research to do it, but it is going to happen. Eventually.

Ere The World Falls/The Lullaby of Obliteration:

Writer’s block hit me like a battering ram because ETWF was supposed to be finished in a week.

Look, this is what happens when all you have is a single scene you desperately want in the next chapter, but absolutely nothing else. Specifically, this snippet:

“Oh, I like you,” Hela laughed, something as cold and sharp as the rest of her and Tony didn’t know if he was imagining the goosebumps he felt right now.

Also, ETWF’s meant to be chaos incarnate and found family and end with hope for a better future for everyone, but... I kinda wrote myself into a corner on some things, and found a great way to tie Norse mythology and Marvel comics lore that would require either a lot of heavy editing, or a grimdark remix that I don’t actually have the energy to tackle, because I really kinda need happy endings right now.

Darth Calamity/The Man Who Sold The World:

you know what? I’ve been up to my ears in rl family drama, I am not up to writing fictional angst right now. The remix with more identity shenanigans? Maybe, but first I have to wade through Skywalker family drama to get there. Hmm. Where’s inspiration when you need it?

No Hero [Downward Descending]:

yes, I know Justin Hammer doesn’t come across as being good at this supervillain thing. No, I don’t know how we got here either, this was supposed to be my stab at writing a SI-OC [emphasis on the OC] that got a tad bit out of hand. Especially when it came to the family drama, because I originally had zero intention of expanding on it beyond ‘Justin’s life went on Hard Mode from an early age, and it’s part of why they are Like That now’, but turns out Hammer Senior is a great heat sink for some things. Apologies for that, but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ turns out I really needed to vent.

...in retrospect, I missed a golden opportunity for said OC to make a comment about vaguely expecting to see everyone running around in spandex, and that is one of the few regrets I have. Just as a metacommentary on how desaturated the movies got later on, compared to what little I know of the comics.

Beyond that, though, I’m having a lot of fun with a protagonist who accidentally weaponized the power of friendship.

The War is Far From Over Now AU:

Main fic’s finished, still too burned out to consider tackling the sidefic.

The plan currently is to take all the ‘Stuff I Couldn’t Quite Fit In’ posts I made- aka all the plot points that ended up getting cut for my sanity, because my heart had been set on finishing TWiFFON before graduating undergrad and even that ended up going sideways- and playing by ear from there.

Specific plot points I’d once been eager to tackle had included stuff like ‘The Curious Case of James ‘Bucky’ Barnes’ [aka SI Legal’s freakout over the files they end up having to sort through in the aftermath of the Civil War arc], and ‘Vision’s Adventures In Trying To Become a Psychiatrist’ because multiple commenters basically went ‘wow JARVIS really needs therapy, and no one on Earth really is equipped to help Skynet here’ and I remember thinking, “lol yeah, that’s kinda the point, but also that’s a great idea!!!” and had been planning to write something to that effect. Only, things hit the fan in my life not long after, and then burnout on top of that, and next thing I know it’s been years since I last touched this AU but still feel no inclination to do so.