#i also have no idea if any of this makes sense yknow
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Kudo is actually such a kind, soft-hearted guy that had to toughen up because he cared too much
He looked at AFO's rule, and even though he was weak, he had that glint in his eye that has been referred to as the "will of a hero" to oppose him. A hopeful glint shared with Midoriya, Bakugo, and Hawks
He even parallels Hawks when they talk about that particular look in their eye
From a glimmer in the eye, to which eye is shown, how much of the face, a similar angle of the face, and placement of text questioning the existence of that light,
He stormed to kill Yoichi with Bruce, but couldn't, once he saw the state Yoichi was in. Even knowing he was the enemy, he still reached out his hand and never let go, even when they were running
When Yoichi died, even though they'd only been together for two months, Kudo still cried and froze up.
This is a reaction from a man who repeatedly used lives as a stepping stone for his own goal.
Kudo said himself, that victory was life, and defeat was death. He had killed and seen his friends killed over and over, but still cries when it happens again. And to someone he only knew for two months, at that.
Kudo gathered allies under his cause, and they were loyal enough to die for him. Bruce cries (still smiling tho) facing AFO, tried protecting Kudo when he froze up at Yoichi's death, and we see all Kudo's comrades dead in the end. Maybe Bruce was suicidal when he went to face AFO, knowing he'd die, but most of his comrades (and Kudo) were already gone. Their cause was snuffed out, but the will persisted.
Kudo is a bit like Aizawa.
A bit crass and blunt, doesn't like beating around the bush, but he can clearly see what kind of person you are. He's not openly kind, but you know he cares so much, but has also lost too much once. He's seen his friend(s) die, and shouldn't it have been him in that spot? Shouldn't he have died instead, but was forced to continue living for that dead person's sake?
His speech about why we call Abilities "Quirks", recognizing people's intent over raw power is the real power. (Ch 369)
He's blunt and goes straight to the results rather than beat around the bush, but it doesn't mean his heart is frozen and he doesn't care about you. (Ch 408)
He cares so much, and that's why he has to do so much. (His whole Resistance thing, figuring out how Yoichi's Factor works to make sure Yoichi and his will can live on in some way)
He recognizes that Midoriya isn't driven by duty, but that he genuinely adores Quirks too much. (Ch 414) He could look at Midoriya, read that immediately, and even though he looked through his memories, Midoriya's character was his takeaway. Not that Midoriya is an idiot for letting himself be stepped on, or that this kid was bullied, but that Midoriya could see the goodness in others.
Like how Aizawa saw that Midoriya was relying on the reason [It can't be helped] whenever OFA broke his bones and told him he can't always break himself just because he could be fixed (Midoriya's recklessness that showed itself on the first day of school). He called out something that was an underlying, innate belief to Midoriya, that was so normal to the teen, and no one else had brought up as wrong to him.
The first thing they perceive is a person's character.
When Aizawa tied up Midoriya on the first day of school, he wasn't telling him off over his Quirk destroying him being a PR thing or too gruesome for the public. It was out of the fact that his Quirk shouldn't destroy him, because it's dangerous for Midoriya.
Aizawa came off antagonistic, but he was looking out for Midoriya. He didn't want him to keep breaking his whole arm, he didn't want him to get stuck in the mindset that he had to get hurt to use his Quirk, he was looking out for his wellbeing from the start. A kid he didn't know personally until that day.
Kudo did a similar thing. He turned his back, and refused to help, because they were putting their hopes in a delusional boy who would go too far. When the vestiges realized their gathered Abilities and Quirks were letting Midoriya have the freedom to do as he wished, Kudo already knew, only saying "His path is the right one". He could relate to having to run full-sprint to see your goal realized, even if everything opposed him, but didn't want Midoriya to go through that same path alone.
If he were alone, he'd be like Nagant. He had to have comrades to be like Kudo, able to continue and stand for their beliefs, but having comrades to fall back on, or pull him back when it's too much. That's why he follows up in that moment with, "But, if there's something Midoriya does need..."
Kudo and Aizawa could see themselves or their comrades in others, and knew how to approach those character flaws that were normalized to others and said person.
Kudo could see others for who they were, and I think it's this, and his caring nature, that he gathered so many allies with him. He knew when to be blunt, when to show kindness, that the truth hurts but needs to be seen, was actually very logical and witty, and when to step aside and let people do their thing, even if it wasn't the best move (like saving All Might). Because that was what was best for that person.
It's not like people would join someone so wholeheartedly without conviction and being left unseen by that person. So many people were willing to die with and for Kudo, and Bruce believes in him so much.
When All Might's vestige was fading and becoming more solid, Kudo had to look away. They knew it meant All Might was dying in the real world.
Kudo was telling Midoriya not to intervene with Gearshift there. But once he saw All Might genuinely dying out, he couldn't look at him, and kept quiet. He stopped hanging onto battlefield logic of necessity, shut up, let Midoriya do his thing, and it saved All Might. It saved Midoriya from seeing his idol die in front of him, and Kudo didn't have to see another ally die beside him.
The chapter is literally called [We Love You All Might!!]. Even if it's just meant to focus in Bakugo and Midoriya, and only has 2 exclamation marks, it can't discount the world is watching. The vestiges care about All Might too.
When the vestiges come up with the plan to forcibly transfer themselves to deal damage, Kudo volunteers himself as the test dummy. Sure, he backs it with a lot of reason too, but he didn't want anyone else to go first as a test drive
He, with a Gearshift Ability that resembled a manual car, was the test drive. Ha ha pun- *gets shot*
En tried going first. Kudo rejected him, saying he would go first.
"Part ways with Gearshift [me], and you'll be free of the crippling recoil too."
Too. TOO.
KUDO JUST WANTED TO GO AND BE DESTROYED FIRST. HE PUT THE FREEDOM OF RECOIL DOWN AS AN EXTRA BONUS SO THEY'D AGREE WITH HIS CHOICE.
I'd cut the image so it looks better, and I can use Bruce's words elsewhere, but this is an image limit, so,
- Kudo refused to let anyone else go first. This was before giving reasons to convince them he should leave first
- En gives reason to why it can't be Kudo. Kudo just says, "Listen." and reminds them of now.
- Look at Kudo's face when he says that. The guy knows what he's doing when he cuts off En, and would probably be a horrible liar. He might as well be pulling this out of his ass.
He's said "The world will end" "You have to or else" "Five minutes" "You're going to die" a few times in this fight already. DUDE STOPPP
(Terrible liar and a guy who purposely eggs you to torment? What a great friend he would be [yknow, when u make ur friends freak out by being ominous or reminding them of stuff. Like Toast to Lilypichu in a game of Observation Duty])
- "Too."
- Bruce's trust in him, but knowing when to pull Kudo back from going too far
Also, when he's transferred, he smiles to Midoriya. He knows he's about to die again, but the last thing he does for Midoriya is
1) Take away the recoil of his existence as a Factor on the boy
2) Reassure him that it's okay, so it doesn't weigh on his conscience
Even if only in thought, STILL!
KUDO LOOKED SO PROUD OF MIDORIYA!
I bet Kudo is suuuch a sentimental fool
> [Be me and watch your new friend die]
> [I have Yoichi's Factor]
> [It's like I carry his will now]
> [Have a glint of opposition in my eye that drives the Demon Lord and my comrades (Bruce) crazy]
> [Hey Bruce, let's figure out how it transfers]
> [Bruce's common sense VS my rabid ideas]
> [I win]
> [Bruce was unwilling the whole time and still ends up with the Factor]
> [The Factor is named One For All, after something in Yoichi's favorite comic book series]
> [We pass it on to the future to carry forward]
> [Even as everyone else and me dies, I make sure Yoichi and his will are safe from his Demon Lord brother that locked him up]
> [Decades later, my sweet vaulted friend reminds me of when we met]
> [I turn around and give my whole-hearted support to believe in some 15-year old boy because Yoichi believes in him too]
SEN - TIM - ENT - AL!
When Shinomori was stolen by AFO, Shinomori pushed everyone away before they could really notice the invader. Kudo called out for him.
Everyone is in shock, but I don't think it's a mistake that the text bubble calling out for Shinomori is pointing from Kudo.
All For One made it through and is ready to steal them, but the first thing Kudo did was call out for the one at the very front.
[On the post I made that mentions Shinomori pushing everyone away] What if Kudo wasn't pushed away? What if this was him at the front, realizing the danger and turning around, but being unable to do anything for Shinomori when he saw?
Like Bruce, Kudo communicates. He doesn't expect you to just follow or understand him. He actually lays it out and makes sure you keep up.
He explains
- the transfer of vestiges, and why he should go first
- his Quirk
- why Quirks are Quirks
- reports to Midoriya what's happening and what's next
- to Yoichi why they couldn't trust in a delusional boy. In a way that wasn't Bruce's roundabout "we lived in a terrible era and a leader gathered us"
When En panics, he barks at En to keep up. By barking at him, rather than any other way he could've used his tone, it shuts up En in his frantic babbling. Kudo also lets Vestige Might put in his thoughts to understand better, and uses it.
Eye reflection. Kudo can really see people for who they are, and understands others, and himself.
I can't repeat the pics cuz image limit, but look at previous panels here. For example, Kudo saying Yoichi's will lives in him, and when AFO reflected in his eyes
It's something I learned from Re:Zero. When a person in reflected in one's eye, something something that person can see the true core of you, of what you really are underneath everything. The eyes are the window and mirror [glass] of the soul. I finally see the true you.
AFO never reflected anyone.
But Kudo reflected AFO when the man accidentally killed Yoichi. He saw that AFO wasn't seeing anything, so later, Kudo smiled and mocked AFO at his own death.
"Yoichi?"
"He's gone."
"You killed him, Demon Lord."
And AFO hated that reminder.
Kudo was reminding him of what the truth was. Kudo saw it himself, and AFO blocked it out from the get-go. Kudo already knew what AFO was, what he was seeing, what he was doing to himself by blaming Kudo instead of himself.
And then, Kudo's eyes reflected his own hand when he realized Yoichi's Factor was in him.
Kudo clearly saw himself, and in himself, Yoichi. Nothing distorted it. It really was a clear mirror.
He really perceived Yoichi's will was living on, and was right. Otherwise, his eyes wouldn't have shown it.
Kudo was right about AFO. It's even implied back when he and Bruce had their backs turned; Kudo knew what AFO's real goal was. That was back when AFO preached unity and division under him.
Kudo could always see right through AFO. He really understood people from the start. And he never tried making up truths to justify what he was seeing, facing it head-on.
Kudo's lying about the world being black and white.
Kudo and Bruce saw the world as black and white. This was mentioned in the void.
Kudo also says, "Victory meant life. Defeat meant death."
But it's the Resistance. It's when Japan and the world was at their lowest. The world wasn't black and white; there's lots of gray.
Kudo and Bruce would've seen this. Kudo even admits that there's gray, just not directly.
Kudo says Yoichi knows, how he killed and trampled so many lives, to get back at AFO. He knows it wasn't right, or an amazing choice. Later, he says that when your back is against the wall, you have to make callous judgements. These hint at gray moments.
Kudo and Bruce have faced and been in the gray. But it's too hard to make the right choices, and there are times there is no right answer.
Historically, soldiers would convince themselves the enemy were monsters. They wouldn't be able to fight and kill them otherwise. They wouldn't be able to live with themselves without believing in this so badly.
Kudo and Bruce had to have been the same way. They were Meta Humans [Monsters] in a time they were viewed as diseased humans. The monsters were real. And they had a Demon Lord. Kudo and Bruce literally dressed up as soldiers.
Even if they were monsters to society, being Meta, Kudo and Bruce were still human. They knew this. The ones who tried believing in only black and white were inhabitants of the gray itself.
But they have to protect themselves. Kudo is so adamant that the world is only black and white, because he can't stand the gray. What it makes him do, what it means, that he's too weak to do anything.
Yoichi is an example of that gray area. The mortal enemy's younger brother, was actually locked up and sickly. He's just a comic book nerd. And it humanized the other side Kudo opposed so vehemently.
Kudo says victory is life and defeat is death. And Yoichi asked why he reached out to him then. He reminded Kudo of that gray area, and Kudo opened up.
Kudo might avoid the gray area because it's a matter of the heart and a moral dilemma, but it's what makes him human. When there's no right answer in the battlefield, he decides on his feelings instead.
He wishes the world was black and white, because it'd be so easy. But it's not.
Yoichi reminded him of how entering that gray area led to OFA ("when you reached out your hand to me"), and it had been the best choice in the end. The gray area is real, and Kudo's left a bare man with only his emotions when he's there.
Kudo is actually really kind and understanding. He's too soft for his own good. Thanks if you made it this far, I hope it makes sense (tag and image limit)
#KUDO IS UNDERRATED NEEDS MORE CONTENT RECOGNITION HES THE KINDEST WITTLE BOY EVER#my thoughts#i think ppl who write resistance stuff should also consider that not everything was black and white#there will be moral arguments where you cant decide. and the resistance has faced those sorts of things where There Is No Right Answer.#kudo is really kind tho. exactly because he cares so much he does all these things and tries to harden himself#but like exoskeletons work - its only an armor to protect the soft squishy insides and keep them from drying out#i woke up and had to put this stuff down#me: *picks up a sentence note in my fic notes* *puts it down here and elaborates*#the line was in relation to putting down stuff about the vestiges to remember dynamics#[Kudo is the kindest despite appearances]#kudo seems like he would be fiercely protective over ppl he cares about. exactly because hes seen so many of his comrades die over and over#kudo#bnha#mha#boku no hero academia#my hero academia#spoilers#ofa#one for all#bruce#bruce is the meme of “*chuckles* I'm in danger” and its just. Kudo w/ his new crazy idea chasing him down with Gearshift and Yoichis Factor#hikage shinomori#en tayutai#yoichi shigaraki#ive been thinking he was kind for a long time but never elaborated why. if u look at his actions words and thoughts it all makes sense#theres underlying kindness in there. he wants to be kind but the world would scorch him if he didnt have a stick up his ass#also adding on to the prev tag of kudo and fiercely protective- because in their times comrades were everything. otherwise you were alone#the world sucks resources are limited and youre a diseased human [Meta]. but you have someone willing to walk with you.#also about the [Kudo is the kindest] note among the vestiges- i dont think any of the other vestiges would do what kudo did#calmly volunteering himself rather than it being in panic. extending a hand and saving what shouldve been his mortal enemy. yknow
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Despite how much I suffered making my last isat au Aris sprite redraw, I decided to do it again and once again went through hell doing it. There’s like a billion mistakes in this (such as her having the wrong arm rip) but at the end of the day I’m still happy with how it turned out :]
#keese draws#oc#oc art#eternal gales#isat#in stars and time#sorry for main tagging feel free to excecute me if you want or whatever#grips sink cringe is dead cringe is dead cringe is dead#anyways this is a very fuzzy and vague au as I don’t rly feel comfortable going off too hard with this one#this is pretty much entirely because I know I’d have to fuck around with the worldbuilding a decent amount and I don’t rly wanna do that#Isat’s worldbuilding is one of my favorite parts of isat so I don’t wanna fuck it up yknow?#I might do some other sprite redraws once I stop thinking too hard abt aris and tali#for context tali is the king aka complicated design that makes me wanna cry especially since I made it worse by changing her imagery#instead of having tears as a thing she has like. fracturing if that makes sense?#it’s supposed to be a nod to her ‘cracked’ eye in canon#she also has threads coming from her limbs instead of long hair for similar reasons#also she doesn’t have straight hair so yknow#but yeah for additional context aris and tali are half sisters and they make me go insane#in this au the idea would be that when their grandparents divorced when the two were little tali and their grandma left the island#aris wouldn’t leave until five or so years later when she was around 12#at which point the island disappeared and all that#the two have mostly completely forgotten about eachother but there still is familiarity between them#tali isn’t any less of a piece of shit than the king in this au tho#aris for a brief moment almost remembers who tali is during act 3 but she dies before she can fully grasp it#which almost hurts more to her despite not even knowing what she was trying to recall#during act 5 her inner sadness fight is against the hazy image of a very young tali 👍#just tiny 5 year old tali using the voices of the others to scream at aris that she’s been nothing but a burden to them all#and that she’s done nothing but hurt them in her selfish attempts to fix a problem that she refuses to admit she caused#and that time and time again she’s lied that she’s doing her best to protect them and that she’s failed all of them#it’s a mix of current guilt and her hazy but longstanding guilt towards tali
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btw its interesting the way james tries to imply that like. well the videos that have plagiarism are the ones our dumb stupid annoying patrons requested about bad topics that didnt deserve to have the effort put in to covering them well so basically its fine. like obv thats interesting on its own but moreso the fact that he doesnt actually /say/ it, or like. give a list of the videos hes referring to, just says "those videos are very clear on which ones they were" i think as a nod meaning like "yknow the ones everyones talking about". unless what hes meaning is that like they put a note in certain videos saying "this video was requested by a patron, we here at james somertom incorporated do not espouse these views" which seems unlikely to me. idk methinks maybe it's because there is indeed a lot more than people think and with all the buzz he's not sure which ones have been discovered yet or not, so putting down a solid list that missed some would look like he was still hiding things whereas putting down a fully sourced list would be admitting to wayyyy more than anyone's found yet
#which is ironic too bc if he genuinely did want to prove he understood what he did wrong and that hed changed thatd be the way to do it#yknow like a full list of every single source including ones no one has found on their own or /can/ find anymore would a) be taking full#responsibility and b) make people less likely to always be like 'youre still hiding something'#which in turn makes me super think hes still hiding a lot of somethings#also cant go without stating that the 'request a video topic' thing was only for $100/month patrons after 3 months on that tier#like fucker these people gave you THREE HUNDRED DOLLARS AT LEAST and youre trying to blame it on them??????#no one forced you to make 'let patrons pick video topics' a reward dude like. hello????????#shit dude even hbombs highest tier ($10 for anyone wondering bc he doesnt see his audience as a money machine lmao)#just says you can vote in polls about future topics#like that makes complete sense to me as a version of this‚ the most dedicated audience members get a say in the future of the#channel while the creator still gets overall control of the direction#also 'patrons who gave me fuckloads of money asked me to make videos on topics i didnt like so i plagiarized those' is i think uhhh#worse than just 'i plagiarize everything without remorse' frankly?#like at least with the second youre just a general shitbag but the first where youre a shitbag specifically to the people#majorly financially supporting you rather than just like. be an adult and say 'hm i dont feel like that topic really works for the channel‚#do you have any other ideas?'#or dare i say even perhaps yknow. doing what other youtubers do in similar situations and find ways to tie that subject#to what they usually talk about is just. wild#course that last one would take actual creativity and aint that just the crux of the issue#james somerton#or i say cannot go without stating i should say cannot go without restating kwnrkabdkwbrn
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love when hyperfixations make you question cosplans 🥴
It's the same media but a different person. Like i was so dead-set on Robin but because I've seen so many Argenti cosplays recently I wanna do him now.
Not even trying to make his armor just like. A pseudo closet cosplay w/ the Nameless Bard shirt, my black boots, an old rose prop I have.. and then figure out the pants, corset belt, and wig styling.
But there's still Robin,, and I literally Just bought a yard of lace fabric to make her blouse (this is my reference) 💔
#cosplay#cosplay question#The con's in late October. School's starting up in less than a week. Next to nothing is done.#any other cosplayers have that issue? ik i had it once and i swapped cosplans and it worked out but like. idk i'm torn#im tempted to still make Robin's blouse and skirt and then see cus i can still pick it up later / wear them as every day clothes but. mmm#Argenti's is probably easier in a sense bc I have half of what I'd need anyway but like. Robin <//3#might have to ditch the idea of contacts though- never got those and while his eyes do have that blue-green sectoral heterochromia like#Venti's does a lotta people still consider/portray his eyes just mostly green and like. dark blue/tealish eyes dont match exactly? which#works ofc but like. idk#and also wig styling's a pain still bc I've only ever done my Nameless Bard wig (twice)- tutorials are a thing ofc but still I don't wanna#buy a crimper if I don't have to yknow :sob: /lh#og posts
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I really need to get serious about personal projects again
#I think I said something like this last year too lol#currently in a weird headspace about it#the biggest reason why I lost focus on them was bc I prioritized engaging in fandom#(something that I never really did when I was focused on publishing a few years back)#so part of me feels like in order to make considerable progress on projects again I need to cut myself off from fandom#and I kinda have been weening myself off a bit from animanga but not really for that reason#it was mostly bc I was getting overwhelmed by how much I was consuming and I wanted to appreciate things fully#I don’t think I’d cut myself off from fandom completely either I’d still try to keep up with stuff#but the idea of not engaging in fandom anymore kinda.. scares me?#idk I feel like a major loser admitting this lol#it just feels like I’d lose a lot of connections with people#and would lose a lot of the love I have for stories if I’m not actively interacting with them :(#and then there’s also that stupid feeling of being a ‘fake fan’ because I’m not dedicating every single second of free time to fandom#which is dumb bc like I have a life and need to make money yknow I got things to do#im just Stressed bc I’m at such a critical stage career wise and im getting closer to 26 so hhhhh healthcare coverage will be up in the air#so I really can’t afford to dawdle#there’s just so much I wanna do and while I’m not necessarily racing to get it done I still want to take advantage of the time I have#but it also sucks feeling like I’m giving up a part of myself to progress on another part of myself#I don’t think any of this makes sense sorry I just needed to dump my thoughts bc I am Terrified™️#anyway personal projects! gotta get back to those !#blahblahbills#delete later
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ik the implication of the von valancius succession is that our RT is just some random fucking 7th cousin twice removed but i actually think its so funny if leda is theodora's daughter.
#oc: leda#or granddaughter maybe . w the anti-aging shenanigans in this universe i have no idea how old anyone is#except for leda is who is a tiny baby infant 34 year old <3#sorry this is so unhinged upon rereading but#shes a psyker and she was unsactioned until caught when she was abt 21 or so . WAY older than most who survive the sanctioning process#and i was thinking abt HOW she couldve even survived that long and since the inquisition do routine scans#but i guess it makes sense if she was in the same boat as idira . best way to hide is to be on a ship thats constantly moving lol#anyway i think she literally grew up on theodora's voidship lmao. bc if theodora wanted to protect her ace-up-the-sleeve psyker heir#without actually caring abt her OR drawing attention to her. itd be pretty easy to just um send her downstairs lol#i just think it works! she has pretty radical views on technology bordering on heresy already#so expanding on that.. where else better to have fostered that curiosity than on theodora's own ship lmao#and bonding so quick with nomos too.. bc shes always loved the ship and she sees him AS the ship. like a big brother she always wanted lol#i also just think its funny imagining leda getting the call years after leaving the voidship + serving as a sanctioned psyker and being lik#''oh i wonder if that cafe on level IX is still there. the one next to the puppy incinerator and the Death-Gamma-Beta-Murder-XIV machine''#and she checks for sure. she goes down to the lower levels routinely i think. not that she has any friends down there lol theyre all dead <#but she likes to people watch <3 and feel like a human being again for once . not just a psyker or Her Ladyship yknow#but anyway. she absolutely has no clue who her family are which is why she answers the call. finding out she is a von valancius isnt so muc#her seizing a power grab . more just her wanting to find people to help ... navigate her way out of the dark i guess.#will expand on That later when i have brain cells. to my audience of like 2 people who care <3 JKFDGJK
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I’d be REALLY wary of that idea. I know it’s not your intention but no matter how you slice it that creates a scenario where some cats are genetically superior and more civilised than others based on where they’re from, which I feel is bad even if they happen to be nice to kittypets. Really love your work but maybe consider how you’d handle that one !!
Yeah, that's exactly the reason why I tacked the big old "THIS IS NOT IN THE REWRITE" warning onto the front of it lmao.
It also creates a situation where the Clans have an actual, unfortunate REAL justification for cat eugenics, which would mix very, very badly even in situations where there is no Clan/Housecat conflict. Unless it was completely dominant and always passed on but... you see how it's already an uncomfortable idea I'd have to tack on a bunch of bandaids to.
Sometimes a thought remains just a thought exactly because you end up thinking through its implications, y'know?
#What I like about the idea that I haven't figured out how to do any other way is that it explains why cat culture is so rare#Like why weren't there cats living at that big beautiful lake as soon as the previous descendants cleared out? With a twolegplace so close?#Obviously for one of my rewrite stories the answer is that the lake was ecologically decimated for a time... but#It's been recovering for decades and cats could live in an early oak forest#Or the various twolegplaces. Why do they not have their own organized groups if cats have languages to speak?#So far I've just kinda ignored it or used the gods. Like Midnight is preventing people from living at the Lake#Or. Cats#I should say#If it's a quirk of Special Cats that also opens up talking about how Real Humans shouldn't let their cats outside#But like. This is ultimately just waffling because the cats in canon are not written as real cats. Warrior Cats isn't really a series about#cats at all.#It's about small four-legged humans#With a very bad xenophobia problem#And you all see how many fires I put out with my rewrite in the pursuit of snuffing out as much xenophobia as possible#So... it's like I have to sacrifice the real-world impact of the most invasive species on Earth to avoid it. Yknow?#Because I can't say BOTH 'some cats are ok to live in clans while others are not' AND 'Xenophobia Bad'#They're incompatible statements#And so I can't use the Clan Cat Subspecies in my rewrite.#Hope that's making sense
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Why do I say things like this. Like what was the need. Why do I feel the need to jinx myself. What was the reason.
#lol just looking thru my drawings and i saw that tag#and im like YOU! ITS YOUR FAULT IM BURNT OUT! I BLAME YOU(catie from that specific day)#anyways trying to draw nando and ITS NOT GOING WELL YKNOW#i still really struggle with drawing real people#seb is okay bcs ive drawn him the most and like have stared at his face for hours so...familiar...yeah...#and i do in fact look at a fuckton of nando pics BUT GOD HIS FACE IS SO DIFFICULT#he just has very like odd features i guess. AND HES VERY HANDSOME FOR IT but god they do not lend to easy drawing#i miss oc drawing where theres no accuracy really required since its all from my head#not that im never drawing ocs again. theyre still my beloved but i dont rly have any ideas atm for them :<#wanna draw rüß as an f1 driver tbh bcs ive been maladaptive daydreaming about that for the past few weeks#but as you know im somewhat allergic to drawing racesuits 😭#also im wondering if drawing chibis so much fucked up my sense of style bcs now i struggle sometimes w proportions#i just. dont want to be burnt out anymore. i know its something you cant really force yourself thru#and also that you shouldn't force yourself cause it just makes it worse but#idk. i wanna draw so badly 😭 and i do it and sometimes it works out and sometimes im just staring at the screen like. oh.#i want to also finish the pt 2 to the boy king ficlet. i always randomly add a few paragraphs to it#blah blah anyways just thinking. i feel a bit frustrated and unfufilled atm i guess#like that feeling in your chest of tightness. its the worst. i wanna throw something or break something i guess#PLEASE JUST LET ME DRAW MY PORTRAIT OF KING NANDO IM BEGGING#he'll be so pretty okay 😭😭 i just cant get his fucking face right#ignore me ignore me. catie is: going through it#i miss the sense of urgency that drawing before my flight gave me#i like having that sense of incentive and deadline. like: you genuinely need to finish this right now.#if not then its me creating meaningless deadlines in my head that actually make me have worse burn out 🙃#i love how before texas im like i am going to finsih all my wips!! anf then finished exactly: zero#catie.rambling.txt
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i said this morning i wasn't as mad abt shadow but. i am like trying not to think abt it bc it just. genuinely i fucking hate it
#asc shadow#asc spoilers#warrior cats spoilers#wc spoilers#sketch speaks#yknow what wouldve made more sense to me? sunbeam swearing off of love entirely. shutting off that part of her relationships.#just going ''fuck this actually'' and distancing herself from everyone#bc- i havent read it myself yet but- at NO POINT has she EVER given me the impression that she is In Love with nightheart#i think she likes the idea that he loves her i don't think it went any further than that#so YEAH i think she should be hurt and mad about him dipping out on her but i DONT think it makes sense for her to fucking FOLLOW HIM#ALSO NIGHTHEART HAS BEEN NOTHING BUT CREEPY TOWARDS HER IMO SO THIS IS JUST RED FLAG NIGHTMARE#it is not cute they've known each other for like. a month at most#im sorry but even irl you should not marry someone you've known for a month tops#It's Weird and i Don't Like It#i straight up don't want to read any more of asc#i'm not mad abt anyone liking how this is going or anything this rage is pointed solely at the erins#if u like it u do u but i have my own opinions on this
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this is also just partially because i got rsd this afternoon from the guy im seeing but also im right and i should get to kill
#op#literally the horror of communicating your desire#and also the horror of people not doing so#anyway yeah let me overshare about the rsd to focus on that it was so silly i walked with him to his work and he said goodbye a bit rushed#which . he was literally late for work and we were standing in front of the open door with us being very visible for the other employees#so makes super sense#but my brain's like no hihi he hates you#like he wasnt the one who invited me over#planning on initiating more physical contact next time i should communicate because he Is autistic but i dont think hes touch repulsed but#yknow communication consent etc#hanging out with him is very fun though#i feel a bit floundering sometimes but ill find my footing and its worth the effort to do so because like i said . its really fun#and hes hot as fuck#if you read this far . does anyone have any date ideas#we're going to bind books together & make . miku binders lol#but thats a bit of a project & more effort#i think just coming over again & bringing my laptop so we can watch hannib/al (filtered 4 tags) further but in the evening is also good#but if someone does have a date idea thats swagalicious#his couch sucks though like his apartment is super fancy because he hires it from like old people who live there#but are now fucked off to somewhere#but yeah its very fancy but the couch is also fancy which means its pretty comfortable but super bad for cuddling which didnt help#anyway im also scared he follows me on tumblr LMAO#if this sounds too like something you did this afternoon. dont let me know <3#i rlly dont have date ideas i started with museum and now im blank#maybe a picnic somewhere. go to the beach#okay bye im gonna finish star/struck now
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this isnt really an ask but im surprised tim is your favourite omg maybe its in my head but i feel you talk about dick and jason a lot more
oh it’s definitely not in your head lmaooo 😭 i talk about tim less bc i think up until the point i read his canon i was pretty much satisfied with it. obv i have issues with chuck dixon’s textual conservatism and bigotry but i don’t have issues with how tim generally existed as a character at least through the very early 00s, which is conveniently where i stopped following bat canon at large. dick and jason on the other hand present so many problems for me in terms of ill maintained characterization with respect to what i’ve read so they’re way more on my mind jdbdjdkd
#outbox#but in any case i am deeply endeared to all of them#i think what gets me about tim is that he’s like. so utterly normal and clearly not meant for any of it but throws himself in anyway#like he really has no idea the extent of the horror show he’s throwing himself into#and that fascinates me about him bc at least prior to dc starting to kill everyone in his life#i think he adjusts to it somewhat well. like he’s barely holding on but he really tries to grow into the role#and that’s what’s sad to me yknow#like i think his robin run is a sort of long winded manifesto as to why the position of robin is so tragic#in a way to me it better articulates the child soldier concern#bc while we see jason die; we see tim live extensively#by virtue of having the longer robin run we’re exposed to every detail of what makes the role so doomed#(even though dixon may not actually intend to paint it as such)#so it really catches my attention in that sense#but also tangentially i think he most won me over with the young justice run like#it’s such a good book overall but i also think it manages to drive home in a lot of ways why tim is a better leader and friend#bc he has his bad moments but he allows himself to be held accountable by his peers and they are truly his equals
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i feel like the stuff with lloyd and garmadon is really complicated and i looked in the tags for a couple minutes and i keep seeing people being like. making it like one extreme end of a situation or the other and tbh i dont like or get it-
#like. idk how to make this make sense but like... i feel like given how the show has gone there isnt a way to make this either 'garmadon is#terrible and stuff' or 'lloyd is terrible and stuff'?? like theres just so much to like everything that happens#and i keep seeing people trying to go Entirely one way or the other and i just dont think it works well here??#like garmadon fucked up with being not there a lot in lloyds life and then. whatever the fuck s8-10 was. but at the same time theres stuff#like the snake (forgot the name) venom and harumi bringing back Just the evil parts to take into account for too? which like it doesnt make#it less Bad but also i think when we have stuff like how he was in s3-4 and like how much he was trying to keep lloyd out of harms way in#like s1-2 i cant agree with the idea that hes like Entirely bad or a terrible parent?? like theres a lot going on here#and then with lloyd hes like. a traumatized kid with abandonment issues. i dont blame him At All for how he reacted in crystalized and#stuff. like again traumatized kid with abandonment issues and also tbh it really feels in this show like every damn time he starts to work#through an issue or something bad that happened the show throws a New thing at him or just brings up the Old stuff again so hes like#constantly never getting a break. and so OF COURSE he reacts negatively to garmadon showing up when last several interactions were well....#yknow. s8-10. and then plus theres stuff like 'his dad literally died and then got revived and that whole situation was upsetting in#general for lloyd' (which like. it was like 2ish seasons between 5&8 im not sure if he even would've fully dealt with what happened in#that time frame? could be wrong but still) and just tldr hes not react well to this#(also i have a lot of thoughts on lloyd i could go on about him forever)#but also like i dont think he like.... doesnt care about garmadon?? like i dont think he like Hates Him or anything?? like he clearly doesn#feel as positively as he did Before but like i dont think he Hates him?? if any of that made sense#and then theres shit like the green ninja prophecy and the way its like destiny itself wants lloyd and his family members to just#Fucking Suffer all the time and just- idk i just think its really complicated and trying to simplify it down to like. 'garmadon is terrible#or 'lloyd hates him' or 'garmadon didnt do anything wrong here' or 'lloyd is being too mean' just. doesnt work well here??#though also i do like to think that after the show they're able to work on things and maybe be on good terms again?? idk the show ended on#a positive note and i just want them to be okay again - im very invested in these two if you cant tell - and i just feel like theres#potential for that there yknow?? but like it'd take work and i cant say that there isnt Issues Going On that HAVE to be worked through#because there ARE#.....ok i went on much longer of a tag rant than i expected i need to shut up now#ninjago spoilers
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Watching videos essays abt political stuff is fun except for the fact that it's abt real life and it's not fun
#rat rambles#^ just finished a video essay abt trans stuff and is having a Moment™#Im ok just kinda emotional#and filled with rage abt everything ever but yknow when am I not#I rlyyy need to see if theres any lgbtq originisatons in my area#if theres one close enough maybe I could start vollenteering? idk#Im just anxious abt not being considered queer enough yknow the usual sorts dhndhdjhdjd#but honestly its more so abt my lesbianism since I have a very complicated relationship with ulit#like it makes me feel like if I bring up my acearo identity it makes my lesbianism less ~real~ somehow#like idk I wanna meet other queer ppl irl and I want more queer friends and I wanna be able to experiment with stuff#but idk why Im so scared abt the idea of having to explain myself#I know ppl probably wont care but ig Im just scared that if other queer ppl reject me then Ill have nowhere to go#or maybe itd go great and I could get a girlfriend like fuck man thats the problem xhdkgsksh#it could be the best thing thats ever happened to me but Im so anxious abt trying#Ive been so lonely and fuck man I dont trust myself to not let myself get trampled#sorry this got real personal real fast dhdkgdkdh again Im ok just emotional#now that I brought up the girlfriend thing tho I am going to be having gay thoughts while I shower so oops dhkdhkdh#idk Im still so unsure abt how I feel abt dating no romantic attraction asside like#again Ive never been able to experiment? and I also just dont know if theres anyone Id be willing to date in practice#like it might just be lonliness but it also could be me forming a stronger sense of self and better existing outside of relationships#and as such feeling more comfortable abt the idea of having more deep relationships with ppl even outside of dating and such#but again its all theoretical rn 😔#anyways I need to shower bro its so late#rat vents
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playing albw world and boy. did i miss the maiamais
#best loz collectable. fuck you i get item upgrades for finding these chirpy little dudes#salty talks#it is fun to play albw and see some ideas that were likely expanded upon in botw but that i honestly think work better as albw prototypes#if that makes sense. like the semi-freedom of having nearly ever tool available at the start#but only in a partial (rented) sense and costing money and even missing a tool until you do the thieves den#and only buyable after a certain point and with other traversal and w/e being out of reach for a bit#like the flippers and the two glove types and then ofc the optional item upgrades tied to the maiamai quest#and the dungeons are all so incredibly unique and even tho u can get their required item whenever that item is still. required#and in every (iirc) lorule dungeon theres that other major item to collect like a better tunic some ore the gloves yknow#the energy boost as a semi upgrade to the wall merge ability. and that ability being extremely well used across rhe whole game#albw fucks i can see it has concepts that were taken and expanded for botw but i might prefer what albw does#also the maiamais r rlly cute. theyre really good. i rlly like how you have to use a good handful of different tools to collect them#albw is really good idk why i waited so long to replay it. tbh it feels the most similar to what loz 1 was doing#the whole world is open to you and so are the items but you still need to get them and youre free to do the dungeons in any order#you just need the right stuff to get there and do them. ily albw
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Vibrates. Normal. I'm normal. I'm so normal.
#rat rambles#oni posting#oh god oh fuck I just opened the steam page to wishlist it and guys guys guys there may or may not be a new dupe#either that or its just hinting at future customization options that include hair but idk#I have thoughts and ideas that are vague and based on very little but I am fucking loosing it yall#also the planet being another cold one is just the icing on the cake for me as the number one rime enjoyer#and new temperature mechanics sound fun and Im rly hoping that with the dlc cold will actually matter more#because from my time playing it being too cold basically only matters for food and water and is otherwise mostly a good thing#yeah your dupes will cry abt it but as far as I know it kind of cant kill them#so while part of why I like rime is that I find the cold to be a boon more than anything I hope ut becomes more of a legit problem here#anyways this is all to distract myself from the real thing thats making me tremble with both excitement and fear and thats lore#they have to add new lore and theyre going to and Im scared guys its happening#ok ok to keep distracting myself from that I love how everyone is characterized in the new short its delightful#again I absolutely adore jean being a grumpy old fart its my favorite thing#I also love liam being all like oh grandpa lets get you to bed aby jorge dgskhsjd#also was jorge breaking in with the story trait stuff or trying to shove it in a closet or smth? idk#anyways I think the idea of the dupes treating jorge like the colony grandpa is very funny old man dupe alert hes older than 2 weeks#honestly the combination of jorge and this potential new dupe has me thinking abt some stuff#cause like it is a bit odd how in game jorge is completely unique and the pod doesnt have the data for his blueprint#now its possible that some data was lost or smth but Im leaning towards there's other dupes who have blueprints and stuff but they were#removed from later pods to save space for more important data#or maybe there was some reason why certain dupes had to be discontinued because of the dupes themselves#I think itd make a lot of sense for there to be other dupe blueprints floating around too since presumably gravitas had access to the dna#of all of their employees and evidently even some non employees considering dupe quinn exists#so itd make some sense for there to be dupe blueprints for even more scientists that worked at gravitas#this also gives room for them to make dupes for any potential randos that currently exist in the oni logs like dr.holland#(dr.holland may be a dupe we already know but yknow he could also be made into a completely new guy if they so desired)#oh oh wait new critters and plants means that our plant and animal guys get to talk more yippee 🎉#oh maybe we'll even have confirmation of who they are through this#probably not but I can dream
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I have VERY strong color associations for all of my characters and they all sort of just make sense but it also funny to me that I never decided on them they did just kind of happen. And they factor SO strongly into the way I always picture these characters
#charlie is reds and greys and to be real i have no idea why on that one#will is across the board any shades of blue#yknow.... his pretty blue eyes...... but also dark nights and cloudy / rainy days when everything has that bluish tint to it#and starry skies... ect ect#theo is yellow. this one's obvious i feel. divinity and all#mark is like... teal. like the standard color of scrubs teal fhdDHD#alex is blues and earthy greens and browns but the blue is mostly due to rabbit#idk if that one wholly makes sense but without rabbit there wouldnt be the blues#rabbit's eyes + the alice in wonderland associations probably#jane is reddish brows and darker reds and blacks
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