#sorry this is so unhinged upon rereading but

[lavellane]

ik the implication of the von valancius succession is that our RT is just some random fucking 7th cousin twice removed but i actually think its so funny if leda is theodora's daughter.

[aces-personal-whore]

Doflamingo x Defiant!Reader Smut Ch. 2

[Chapter 1] [Chapter 2] [Chapter 3] [Chapter 4]

Hi frens. Welcome back to the most unhinged (but realistic) Doffy fanfic out there. This chapter is a bit worse than the last one, so prepare yourselves. Doflamingo is more aggressive and forceful with you.

☣️WARNINGS: NONCON/RAPE, NSFW, MDNI, smut, sexual assault, abuse, violence, aggression

Themes in this chapter: NONCON/RAPE, Aggressive domination, forced submission, forced creampie, breeding, inflation, hardcore BDSM, degradation and humiliation, punishment.

Notes: PLEASE KEEP IN MIND THAT THERE IS NONCON/RAPE THROUGHOUT THIS ENTIRE FANFICTION. THIS FANFICTION IS VERY GRAPHIC AND MAY BE TRIGGERING, UPSETTING, OR DISTRESSING TO SOME READERS. PLEASE READ AT YOUR OWN DISCRETION!!

P.S. I'm sorry if I forgot to change any pronouns/names/etc. ;-; I'm still trying, aight. I do update these after I've reread them and gone through them a couple times, but there may still be some things I miss.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

[Chapter 2]

You curled up into a ball on the bed, your body shaking with sobs as the full weight of what had just happened settled in. For a few moments, you were lost in your grief, the injustice of it all overwhelming.

Eventually, you gathered the strength to look for your dress, underwear, and bra. Slowly and methodically, you put them on, the familiar touch of your clothes offering you a small semblance of normality.

Deciding it was time to leave the room, you began heading towards the door, your movements deliberate and purposeful. You wanted to put as much distance between yourself and Doflamingo as possible.

As you walked out, you couldn't help but feel a sense of dread. You knew you couldn't escape what had happened, that you were now bound to Doflamingo and his twisted desires. But for now, the simple act of leaving the room felt like a small rebellion against the life he had forced upon you.

You didn't know where you were going, or what you planned to do, but right now, all you wanted was to get away, to gather your thoughts and try to understand what had just happened to you.

You trekked carefully through the hallway, your senses heightened as you listened for any sounds that might indicate Doflamingo's or anyone else's presence. Your heart skipped a beat when you heard footsteps in the distance, and a sense of panic gripped you.

You quickly scanned the area for a place to hide, your eyes falling on a small alcove to your left. It was barely large enough for one person, but it would have to do.

Without hesitation, you ducked into the alcove, your heart pounding in your chest. You pressed your back against the wall, trying to make yourself as small and unnoticeable as possible.

You held your breath, waiting for the footsteps to draw nearer. Sweat beaded on your forehead as your mind raced, wondering what would happen if Doflamingo caught you. For now, though, your only concern was to remain hidden, to avoid any further confrontation.

Your body trembled with a mixture of fear and humiliation, a stark reminder of the traumatic events that had just transpired. As the footsteps grew closer, you closed your eyes, silently praying for them to pass by without noticing you.

The person stopped right in front of where you were hiding, as if they were sensing you were there. Your heart nearly stopped when you realized that the person in front of you was Doflamingo. The unmistakable pink of his feather coat had given him away, and now, you were trapped.

You could feel the strings of his Devil Fruit coming to life, moving around you, sensing your presence. They attached themselves to your limbs, and you were forced out of the alcove, your body coming into view in front of Doflamingo.

His palace was covered in a delicate web of his strings, and the slightest disturbance would alert him to your presence.

You stood there, frozen, your body trembling from head to toe. You couldn't help but feel a sense of helplessness, as if there was no escape from Doflamingo's grasp.

His eyes met yours, and you could see a mix of amusement and triumph in his gaze. He had caught you, and now you were at his mercy once more.

"Trying to get away, are we?" Doflamingo's voice was filled with a dark, twisted amusement as he released the strings that held you captive. "My entire palace is coated in webs of my strings, so any movement you make, any chances you try to escape, my strings alert me to them, like a spider catching its prey."

He stepped closer to you, his eyes never leaving yours, a predatory gleam in them. "We need to deal with your anger and resistance. I won't have you defying me or disrespecting me. We both know you can't escape me, so it's best to accept your fate." Doflamingo's confidence was unwavering, and there was no mistaking the dangerous edge in his voice. "Now, come with me. We're going to have a... 'talk', and you're going to learn to accept your place in my kingdom."

"No- Doflamingo!!" You resisted the pull of his strings, crying and sobbing loudly, fighting with all of your might not to be dragged into what was about to come.

"Don't even fucking think about it." Doflamingo's voice was cold and firm as he yanked the strings, preventing you from breaking free. "You'll learn soon enough that resistance is futile. I'm not a man you want to anger. I'll make your life a living hell if you continue to defy me. Come now, let's have that... 'talk'. You'll find that the more you cooperate, the easier your life will be here."

Doflamingo's confidence was absolute, and he didn't break his stride as he led you through his palace, his strings still attached to you, a constant reminder of his control over you.

As you walked, you couldn't help but feel a sense of despair. Doflamingo had claimed you, body and soul, and there was no denying his dominance. You were his to do with as he pleased, and the thought of what he might have in store for you filled you with dread.

A shiver ran down your spine as you realized just how far your life had taken a turn. You were now a part of Doflamingo's twisted world, and there was no escaping it.

Your only hope was that perhaps, through compliance and cooperation, you might be able to endure the horrors that awaited you, to somehow carve out a semblance of a life under his oppressive rule. You began crying harder as you're forcefully drug through the hall, back to the room you were in. "Nooooo! Doflamingo please stop!!"

"Quiet, or I'll make sure this is far worse than you could imagine." Doflamingo's voice was stern, a dangerous edge to it as you continued to cry and protest. He dragged you back to the room, his grip unyielding. The sight of your tears and defiance only served to arouse him further, a dark hunger growing within him.

"Now... since it seems you still haven't learned your place..." Doflamingo's eyes were filled with lust and dominance as he removed the strings, once again retreating out of view. "... Allow me to teach you a lesson you won't forget."

Without warning, Doflamingo grabbed you and pinned you to the bed, his hand gripping your arm tightly as he began to undress you, his movements swift and purposeful. "I'll show you what happens when you disobey and defy me." His voice was a low growl, his arousal and desire for dominance palpable.

You struggled as much as you could, but the truth was, you were no match for Doflamingo. His strength and power were overwhelming, and as he proceeded to undress you, you could only hope that this would be over quickly, that perhaps this time, it wouldn't be as brutal and degrading.

But deep down, you knew that with Doflamingo, there was no such luck. His control over you was complete, and your body, now host to his offspring, was his to use as he pleased.

The thought of what was to come filled you with dread, your heart pounding in your chest as you braced yourself for the onslaught of his dominance.

Doflamingo removed your clothes with a cold efficiency, leaving you exposed and bare. As he inspected your body, he noticed the lack of marks, and gave a menacing grin, eager to make his mark.

He discarded his feather coat and suit, his eyes never leaving your body. He flipped you over and pinned you face down on the bed, tying your ankles and wrists to the mattress with his strings, leaving you helpless, your body trembling with a mixture of fear and humiliation.

For a moment, he admired your form, and his fingers traced over your skin, his touch cold and clinical. He fondled and caressed your body, his fingers lingering on your ass, making you squirm in disgust and discomfort under his touch.

He pulled back, and you heard an unfamiliar sound as he crafted a makeshift whip from his strings that shot out from his palm. The air was thick with tension as you braced yourself for what was to come.

With a flick of his wrist, the string whip crackled through the air, landing with a stinging blow on your ass. You cried out in pain, your body writhing on the bed as Doflamingo continued to punish you, each lash drawing fresh tears and gasps from your lips.

His strings were merciless, the whip lashing out again and again, leaving red welts across your back, ass, and thighs. The pain was intense, and you could only hope that it would end soon, that perhaps, once he had satisfied his need to punish you, he would leave you in peace.

But as you lay there, battered and bruised, you knew that this was just the beginning of your new life under Doflamingo's control. The fear and humiliation were overwhelming, and you couldn't shake the feeling that no matter how much you resisted or cried, Doflamingo's dominion over you was absolute.

Your body shuddered in pain, but it was more than that. It was the realization of your new reality—that you were now a pawn in Doflamingo's twisted game, and the consequences of defying him came at a terrible cost.

"Doflamingo..." you squeaked out, "please... stop..."

"Be silent, or I'll make this punishment last all night." Doflamingo's voice was cold and threatening, his arousal not diminishing even after his previous act of violence.

As he continued to lash your body with his string whip, he bent down, his lips leaving a trail of hickeys on the nape of your neck. The sensation of his teeth on your skin was both painful and degrading, a mark of his possession.

His fingers trailed down your body, stopping occasionally to admire his work. You could feel the heat of his desire, the evidence of his lust for you pressing against your ass.

"You need to understand that I can do whatever I want to you, whenever I want." Doflamingo's words were filled with a dangerous confidence, his dominance absolute. Each time you squirmed or cried out, you could hear his soft chuckle, a twisted form of amusement that only fueled his sadistic pleasure.

You could feel your body growing more and more exhausted, the pain and humiliation taking a toll on you. But still, Doflamingo continued, his desire to break you and assert his dominance unwavering.

Your only comfort lay in the hope that perhaps, once he had satisfied his need for control, he would leave you to rest. But the truth was, in Doflamingo's kingdom, there was no escape from his desires or his cruelty.

As you lay there, battered and bruised, you could only pray for the end of this terrible ordeal. But even as you did, you knew that it was only the beginning, and that in Doflamingo's twisted world, the only constant was his relentless pursuit of power and control.

The fear and humiliation seemed to consume you, your body aching and your spirit broken. Doflamingo retracted his strings and flipped you onto your back, causing you to hiss in pain and cry from the intense pain and humiliation. You panted heavily, you mind starting to dissociate. "Doflamingo... it hurts..." you croaked out, your voice hardly a whisper, as all your strength had been sapped. All you could do at this point is just let whatever happen happen and hope it doesn't last too long.

"Good." Doflamingo's response was cruel and calloused. His control over you was all-encompassing, and at this point, you could only hope for mercy and an end to your suffering. But mercy was not a virtue Doflamingo possessed. He regarded you with a mixture of lust and pride. "I want you to remember this pain, to remember who owns you." His words were cold, devoid of any empathy as he positioned himself between your legs, his arousal evident.

With a single, swift motion, he entered you, his desire for dominance driving him to claim your body once more, this time, as punishment for your defiance.

The pain from his penetration mixed with the stinging welts, making you cry out, your mind beginning to blur the lines between reality and the overwhelming sensations coursing through you.

Doflamingo began to move, his thrusts deliberate and forceful, a show of his dominance and control over you. You could feel the tears streaming down your face, your body trembling as you braced yourself for the brutal onslaught.

Your mind dissociated further, the pain and humiliation becoming too much to bear. All you could do was endure, hoping that this, too, would pass, that perhaps, once he had satisfied his need for dominance, you could rest, even if only for a short while.

But deep down, you knew that there would be no rest for the conquered. Your body, now host to his offspring, was his to use and abuse as he pleased, and the thought of what was to come filled you with dread.

The fear, humiliation, and pain mingled together, leaving you in a haze, as you lay there, helpless, and utterly at his mercy. Doflamingo's control over you was complete, and there was no escape from his twisted world.

Even in your dissociated state, a small part of you, buried deep within, refused to accept this fate, but for now, all you could do was endure the onslaught with a mixture of pain, humiliation, and despair, hoping for an end to your suffering.

As Doflamingo assaulted you again, you were moaning—not from pleasure, but pain as you continued crying.

"That's it, scream for me." Doflamingo's voice was full of sadistic pleasure as he continued to assault you, the sounds of your moans and cries only serving to arouse him further.

His fingers traced along your swollen stomach, his strings working their magic, preparing your cervix once more to receive the seed of his dominance.

"You're nothing but a vessel for my offspring now." His words were a mix of command and degradation, his desire for humiliation evident in his tone.

As he fucked you, he continued stripping away any remaining shreds of your dignity and humanity. You cried and moaned, the pain and humiliation overwhelming, your body shaking under his assault.

You tried to push the thoughts of what this meant for you aside, unable to bear the reality of your situation. But Doflamingo's relentless pursuit of dominance left you with no escape, your body and mind at his mercy.

"You little fucking slut, I'm going to fill you up again, whether you like it or not." Doflamingo's voice was a mix of pleasure and spite, his arousal reaching its peak as he put you into a mating press.

He thrust deep inside you, his cock lodged firmly against your cervix, his movements slow and deliberate. The shaft of his cock pulsed, his testicles drawing up and tightening, pressing against your ass with each throb, churning out more of his seed into your womb.

Your body shuddered under his possession, the connection between you two a twisted, violent display of dominance and submission. His cock was buried inside you, the swollen tip of his glans pressed against your cervix, as he poured his seed directly into your womb once more.

Your body shuddered under his possession, the connection between you two a twisted, violent display of dominance and submission.

The pulsing of his cock intensified, each throb driving more of his cum into your body, the semen pooling in your womb, a testament to Doflamingo's conquest of your body. The sight of your stomach swelling further, stretching to accommodate his seed, still only served to prolong his orgasm, driving him to ejaculate even more, as if to see just how much his semen could fill your body.

The visual connection between you two was a gruesome display of violation and degradation. Doflamingo's cock, slick with your fluids and his cum, was buried deep within you, stretching and filling you as he emptied himself into your womb. Your stomach, bloated and swollen from his previous seed, grew even larger, the curves of your body distorted by his relentless desire to fill you with offspring.

His balls, tight and heavy with the weight of his semen, pressed against your ass with each pulsating throb, a testament to his unyielding control over your body. The mark of his possession was clear, his cum filling you, and his fingers digging into your flesh, holding you in place as he claimed you in the most primal manner possible.

As Doflamingo continued to spill his seed into your womb, his expression was a mix of satisfaction and vicious pleasure, the sight of your body being used as a vessel for his offspring driving him to the brink of ecstasy. His eyes never left the sight of your stomach, growing with each pulsating throb of his cock, a twisted form of entertainment for the twisted king of Dressrosa.

The sight of your connected genitalia was a macabre and haunting image, a stark reminder of your new reality, a reality where Doflamingo's dominance and control knew no bounds, and where your body, once your own, was now nothing more than a host for his seed.

The degradation, the violation, and the pain were all too real, your body a mere plaything for Doflamingo's dark desires. Even as he watched your stomach swell, you knew that this was just the beginning, that in Doflamingo's twisted world, there would be no end to your suffering, no respite from his constant need for control and dominion over you.

As Doflamingo's orgasm finally subsided, you lay there, battered and bruised, your body aching and your spirit broken. The only thing you could do anymore is cry as your body was assaulted again... Your back stung, dark purple bruises covered your neck... You laid there, hoping the moment would pass quicker.

He dislodged his glans from your abused cervix, leaving you feeling empty and raw. His fingers traced intricate patterns along your swollen stomach, a cruel reminder of his dominance over your body.

With deft, precise movements, Doflamingo used his strings to sew your cervix shut, effectively sealing his essence inside you. The sensation of the strings piercing your tender flesh was yet another layer of pain and violation, a cruel twist of his sadistic desires.

Your body had begun dissociating from reality, essentially blacking you out, making everything that happened almost a blur in a desperate attempt to protect you from the trauma you just endured.

"You're not allowed to fade out on me, bitch. Stay with me." Doflamingo's voice was a harsh, demanding growl as he noticed your dissociation, his fingers tightening their grip on your flesh.

Your body, battered and bruised, continued to dissociate from the pain and humiliation, your mind retreating to a dark, distant place. The assault on your body had become a blur, your senses overwhelmed by the constant onslaught of violence and degradation.

"I said, stay with me!" Doflamingo's voice was a harsh slap, bringing you back to the present moment. His eyes bore into yours, a mix of cruelty and anger etched across his features.

He slapped you across the face, the sting of his palm against your cheek a harsh reminder of your place under him. You let out a piercing howl. His words were a harsh command, a demand for your attention, your mind, and your body.

"You belong to me now, and I won't have you fading out during our special moments." His tone was a mix of mockery and possession. He leaned in close, his breath hot against your ear, his words a low, menacing growl. "Remember, you're mine now, and I'll do whatever I want with you, whenever I want. And you'll take it, because you have no choice." He knew that your mind was broken, your spirit shattered, and reveled in the complete and utter control and power he held over you.

As you lay there, broken and bleeding, your body a canvas for his cruelty and degradation, Doflamingo's words echoed in your mind, a constant reminder of your new reality, a reality where you were nothing more than a plaything for his twisted desires, a vessel for his offspring, and a slave to his unyielding, sadistic rule.

You looked at him with misty eyes, your tears unable to stop flowing. You tried your hand at scooching back to make some space between you two and catch your breath, and was successful. You presume Doflamingo let you because he knew you weren't going anywhere—not after what he just did to you. You sat up, your weeping eyes not leaving your rapist.

"Look at you, so fragile and broken." Doflamingo's voice was a mocking whisper as he watched you scooch away, his eyes glinting with cruel amusement.

He let you move, his grip on you loosening just enough to allow you to catch your breath. But the illusion of freedom was fleeting, a cruel reminder of the chains that bound you to him, invisible yet inescapable.

Doflamingo reached up, his hand moving towards your face, causing you to flinch, your hands instinctively coming up to protect yourself, but his touch was unexpectedly gentle, his fingers caressing your neck, a stark contrast to the brutality he had just subjected you to. His touch was a reminder of his power, his ability to switch between cruelty and tenderness, keeping you off-balance, never knowing what to expect.

"Your reactions are so delightfully predictable." His words were a purr, a satisfied smirk playing on his lips as he watched you cower under his touch. Before you could react, he pulled you in, his lips crashing against yours in a bruising kiss. His tongue invaded your mouth, claiming you, owning you, his teeth nipping at your bottom lip, drawing a bead of blood.

The kiss was a violation, a reminder of his dominance over you, his tongue exploring every inch of your mouth, leaving no part of you untouched. It was a kiss that told you that you were his, body and soul, and that there was no escape from his grasp.

As he pulled away, you were left gasping for air, your lips swollen, your body trembling under his touch. Doflamingo's eyes were dark, filled with a mix of lust and cruelty, his gaze roaming over your body, taking in every inch of your bruises and marks.

"You're mine now, and I'll never let you go." His words were a promise, a threat, and a declaration of his unyielding control over you. "And soon, you'll learn to love it, to crave it, to beg for it."

The thought of being his forever, of being reduced to nothing more than a plaything for his twisted desires, sent a shiver down your spine, a mix of fear and unwanted arousal. Your body, battered and bruised, betrayed you, responding to his touch, to his words, a testament to the power he held over you.

As Doflamingo pulled you in for another kiss, you knew that this was your new reality, a reality where pain and pleasure were intertwined, where your body was no longer your own, and where Doflamingo's will was the only one that mattered.

[allthefujoshiunite]

Sorry I hit the ask button before finishing. My fav trope are age gap ( > 5 years and even more), height difference and teacher-student relationship. Do you have any BL that fits either or mix of the above? I don't mind smut (explicit) but not a fan of pwp (just smut story).

Again, sorry if I'm too demanding, hope you have a good day @allthefujoshiunite 🍀🌼

Aaand we’re back. You literally listed some of my fave tropes there so BOY do I have recommendations! Not a fan of PWP either, so rest assured.

Let’s get this party started ~

Age gap + height difference + teacher/student

Young Bad Education (Dayoo): I fell in love with Mizusawa’s eyes on the cover and bought the volume in Japanese years ago without an ounce of idea what the story was about. No regrets. Young Bad Education and its continuation Young Good Boyfriend will feed your soul. You can read it on Manga Planet (Futekiya).

Hitorijime My Hero (Memeco Arii): This title is a classic so you might have already seen it but just in case. Hitorijime My Hero has an anime adaptation as well (I’m anime-only) and the manga has a spin-off with the side couple as far as I know. The height difference is less pronounced here but if you’re like me and you love delinquents as well, this will be your jam.

The Trees in Spring (Nakaoka Naka): I’m kind of cheating but I’ll do anything to recommend this title! MCs here are a teacher and student, but the teacher isn’t teaching the student, they meet each other in a different way. I have reviewed this title before and take any chance I can get to recommend it, so there you go!

Age gap + teacher/student

Warbler, Sing of Spring (Nago Nayuta): I felt like they don’t have height difference (and checked the first chapter again) but the MCs are always drawn in weird angles so I’m not sure. Another title with the delinquent sprinkled on top. Really enjoyed reading this, Nago Nayuta’s works have a cuteness I like and the uke in Warbler is kind of unhinged xD Love him!

The Neighbor I Desire (Makoto): This one started off a bit weird for me but I can assure you it’s super cute! I have written a review before so if you want more details, here you go.

The Good Teacher (Eeej): Another title I reviewed before. It’s pretty, fun but short and while the plot is not this series’ strongest point, I think it’s worth giving a shot.

Age gap + height difference

Love for Sale (Dal Hyeon-ji): It’s official, you guys. I will literally disintegrate if I don’t recommend Love for Sale, the doctor said it not me. But honestly, do yourself a solid one and read it if you still haven’t. The pinnacle of ultimate goodness. I wrote on LfS before but since the post contaşns spoilers and is more about sugar dating than a review, I’ll spare you the link. On Lezhin.

Love Me Doctor (ANA): Another series I constantly recommended on Twitter and got a couple of unassuming, kind-hesrted people to read it with me as well. Focuses on a university student and a urology doctor he had tovisit for his ED. If you’re comfortable reading a title where a doctor kind of uses his position to get to know a patient and stepping over boundaries, please give it a chance! TOTALLY worth the time. On Lezhin.

On or Off (A1): Can’t say I understood the drama with the artist and the series being wrapped up rather quickly, but I read this popular webtoon with joy! Not as big of a fan as the rest of the BL fans but if youdig these two tropes I think it’s worth checking out. On Tappytoon, but I think TOKYOPOP has released it in print.

Metro (Chika Hongo): This is more of a dramatic title, where a high school student is being touched regularly by the same man on the train and he likes it, until one day he follows him home upon being invited. If you prefer a story that’s laced with trauma and flawed characters, this is for you! On Manga Planet.

Pound Cake on a Sunday (Amida Shizuku): Man this series is SUPER funny that I had to reread today! A father and son lives alone after the mother’s passing and one day, out of the blue, the father starts complimenting the new transfer to the company about how he’s so beautiful or saying how shiny his hair is. Is his father gay? Did he finally lose it? Read and find out! Very different from your usual BL, worth your time!

Bonus - I’m a Dom and I Want You To Stroke My Head (KINACO): Has dom/sub universe (a big fan) height difference as well, but it’s a teacher x teacher pairing.

Whew! Sorry it took a lot of time to write because it’s not so easy to format these posts on the app, it seems. I hope you like my selection and as always, let me know if you liked anything from the list! I’m always eager to know what people think after reading something I’ve recommended. See you around!

[johaerys-writes]

I ADORE your writing! Do you have any book recs? 💗

THANK YOU!!! I do have some book recs, and I'm going to separate them in two categories: a) all time faves (aka books that rewired my brain), and b) my fave books I read this year.

All Time Faves

The Song of Achilles by Madeline Miller: if you follow me for my patrochilles writing, then you already know I love this book 😅 It literally altered my brain chemistry when I read it and I have never been the same.

RotE: short for The Realm of the Elderlings series by Robin Hobb, it's like 16 books long and I recommend each one. Fitz is my pathetic little meow meow and the Fool is one of my favourite characters of all time. Read at your own peril LOL

Earthsea and Lavinia by Ursula K Le Guin: I'm on a quest to read everything Le Guin has written because her writing is just *chef's kiss*. I adore her prose and the way climaxes and conflict are handled, and I love the worldbuilding. Her Earthsea stories are just so wonderful and poignant, I particularly love the Tombs of Atuan and Tehanu. The latter is permanently on my reread roster, I read it once a year towards the end of the year when I start feeling blue because it's just so comforting. And I have to include my favourite quote:

"You are beautiful," Tenar said in a different tone. "Listen to me, Therru. Come here. You have scars, ugly scars, because an ugly, evil thing was done to you. People see the scars. But they see you, too, and you aren't the scars. You aren't ugly. You aren't evil. You are Therru, and beautiful. You are Therru who can work, and walk, and run, and dance, beautifully, in a red dress."

Please read it you won't regret it 😭🙏🙏

Wuthering Heights by Emily Bronte: another long time favourite and one I reread at least once a year. It’s just one of the best books ever written (sorry I don't make the rules). I'm not sure if that is where my love of childhood friends to toxic, copedepent lovers and of unhinged, violent men in fiction came from but it sure contributed to it LMAO. I don’t consider it a romance book but I do adore the way it handles love and romance, among other things. It's just so bleak and cynical but also highly comedic in places and I could talk about it forever. TL;DR please read it haha.

On Earth We're Briefly Gorgeous by Ocean Vuong: I didn’t like this book very much when I first started it but it had become a favourite by the time I finished it. I've reread it several times (I think just this year I've read it twice), it's just so heartbreaking and beautiful.

Fave books I read this year:

Captive Prince by C.S. Pacat: technically I finished the trilogy end of last year but I still think about it a lot. It's very well written and imo the perfect balance of angst, plot, intrigue and horniness.

Spinning Silver by Naomi Novik: I read it earlier this year and I literally can't stop thinking about it lol. It’s SO well written and very immersive and even though the plot itself isn't like... comforting, it felt like a great comfort to read it. Ever since I finished it, every time I start a new book I'm like "gah I wish I could read it for the first time again" haha. I'm going to be rereading it for Christmas I think!

The Murderbot Diaries by Martha Wells: another series I enjoyed a lot this year! I listened to the audiobooks and the VA is just so good, he's Murderbot in my mind lol. I should probably reread the last few books because my attention span was awful while I was listening to them, but overall they're very entertaining but also touch upon important issues in a really interesting way.

She Who Became The Sun by Shelly Parker-Chan: I really enjoyed this book, the plot, characters and worldbuilding was very interesting and I absolutely love the way that gender queerness and "otherness" was explored. I am eagerly awaiting the next book 👀

Villains series by V.E. Schwab: a highly entertaining read, I was pleasantly surpised by how much I enjoyed this. I love me a close friends to sworn enemies story, especially when they are obsessed with each other in as homosexual a way as these two LMAO. The supporting characters were also very well written which isn't easy to find in stories with such a busy cast. Once again, eagerly awaiting the next book!

[prettywordsyouleft]

To Be Continued - Part 9

Summary: As an author, you had created Brian Kang for your current trilogy series to represent the ultimate man that everyone would love, along with Charli Evers - your female protagonist. What you hadn’t expected was for him to find a way out of the story and begin shaping up your world instead

Pairing: Brian Kang x female writer (ft. Park Sungjin)

Genre: writer au / romance / fantasy

Warnings: fictional characters coming to life / a bit of angst here and there / Sungjin as a cop (or does that only affect me?) >_>

The angst that arrived last time is now amplified.

Word count: 2326

Preview | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | Epilogue

Months went by in a blur. If you weren’t at your desk slaving over the story, you were sleeping or had finally remembered to eat. You excluded yourself from everything in your world, aside from ensuring Binks had everything he needed to survive, just to finish the story as quickly as you could.

Of course, this was at a rate where you wouldn’t substitute the quality of your words either. Despite your constant heartache and yearning for Brian, this was possibly the best piece of work you had ever written to date. The emotions between Charli and Brian’s hardships felt raw and more relatable than ever. You cried when Charli did, and you felt frustrated alongside Brian. You poured all your emotions into this final story, along with every shred of creativity you possessed.

After ten long months, you were now staring at what felt to be the ending scene of Eternity, and this world. You had completed this part in the trilogy faster than the year each it took for the other two respectively, and it was the longest story out of the three.

Shaking as you reread your final line, you took in a deep breath and nodded. “It’s done. It’s finally done.”

And just as your fingers went to type the usual The End into the document, you froze, realising just what time in your life you had reached now. It wasn’t just the satisfaction of finishing the book, and effectively the series too, that consumed you now.

It was the sheer hope that after all your hard work, you could finally see the man you loved again.

“Brian,” you called out whilst staring at the screen. “Brian!”

Nothing happened, and you hesitated before typing the two words onto the document, peering closely to see if he would change them to the words you had become to love from him.

You wanted your story to be continued now. You craved his arms, his smell, his voice. Living vicariously through Charli over the last ten months has barely satiated your need for Brian. Quite often, you would lay awake for hours in bed at night, thinking of him, talking to him. And when you grew desperate, you left your laptop turned on, with the document open, hoping for a reprieve from this maddening loneliness.

Just as fast as your love had bloomed, it had shrivelled away, grounding you into a pot of despair. You didn’t want to get to the end of this story and find yourself alone for good.

And yet, the minutes went by and Brian still didn’t appear.

Jarringly, you clambered to your feet and stumbled to the kitchen, trying to make yourself a cup of tea to calm your nerves.

Maybe Brian just needed time to wrap up the loose ends on his side. Even with the story now complete, you hadn’t delivered them a life that guaranteed they wouldn’t face hardships along the way again. In fact, you believed that to be Charli and Brian’s strength – love through their battles. And life was just like that. Whilst they were now together with no further opposition from her family or his past, you knew that every couple faced trials and tribulations. Sure, they had their fair share, and you had assured the reader they would be blessed with happiness together, but you wanted them to remain realistic too.

As you sipped on your tea, your mind started to unravel, your eyes glued to the doorway leading towards your office. Every second Brian didn’t come through it, you began to believe in the doubts plaguing you.

There had to be a chance, somewhere in among your writing of this final piece, that Brian truly began to feel the love you penned for him towards Charli. Whilst he was adamant he loved you when he was here, he didn’t resist the progression of your story at all in that aspect.

Did Brian fall in love with Charli properly this time?

Had you done such a good job at convincing him of her worth at his side?

Was he back where he truly belonged?

Your knees shook, and you clasped onto the countertop, putting down your mug hastily as you felt yourself sink towards the tiles. And there you proceeded to clutch at your shirt, sobbing until you felt numb and overwhelmed.

You had finished their world off and now there was a chance that had ended yours with Brian as well.

Days turned into weeks, and you found yourself on autopilot. The grief continued, much did the constant begging at your screen and desperation for his return.

Anger settled in after all your efforts felt as if they had gone to waste, and he had left you alone in this cruel world. You cursed him out, only to be wishing for his return a moment later.

Your mental state was a complete mess, and you didn’t know how to pick up the pieces.

You had been convinced that writing the story was the only way to get back to Brian. You had served your time, poured out the words until there were no more. With the story submitted to Lily, and the editor now finalising the work you had done, it wouldn’t be long until it was sent through the process of publication. Fans of Brian and Charli would be reading about their love story by mid next year.

What about your love story with Brian, however?

No one was going to read about you both. No one, aside from Lily, who had long stopped asking you about where he had gone, knew of it to begin with. To Sungjin, he was a cousin’s friend, and when he contacted you, you had mentioned that Brian had gone back home.

This was never his place to begin with.

Your mother, whilst trying ever so hard to placate your mood swings, couldn’t figure out how to help you, because you couldn’t bring the words up to anyone.

You had fallen in love with a figment of your imagination and his existence in your world was so fleeting, that you wondered if those who met Brian had somehow seen a ghost, or something similar. It would make the most sense to you that he actually hadn’t been here and you had simply been possessed by your muse of him.

Yet you knew he had existed here and couldn’t deny it. The clothes remained that you had bought together, his scent slowly fading away from each garment you held onto. Binks often pushed his way into the spare room and sat in the chair Brian wrote in a small book each evening as you worked.

You hadn’t known of the book’s contents until his departure, finding it in among his belongings when you were searching for ways to ease your pain. When you discovered it, however, it made you crumble.

The words he wrote were all about you.

He documented your dramatic ways, the endearing moments you shared, and the feelings he had for you each day. He spoke of how easily provoked he got over Sungjin and later wondered if he was a better fit for you when he knew he was close to leaving. He wrote down goals, some of which he had already achieved with you, and of the nights where he held you close, whispering sweet nothings into your hair as you drifted off to sleep in his arms.

The book, the only piece of writing of your story together, felt too difficult for you to read often. The words were already cemented in your mind though, reminding you whenever you doubted your love that it existed.

It was the only thing that kept you going.

Sitting at your desk in the middle of the afternoon, you stared at the document for Eternity for some time before you raised your fingers.

And then you began to type.

It wasn’t your first time trying to message Brian and you were certain it wouldn’t be your last. Still, today had been difficult. It was exactly a year from your first meeting with him, the day he had come out of the laptop and you had fainted upon holding his hand. You longed for it to happen all over again, telling him of your pain from spending an entire year knowing of his existence outside of the story. That the happy days you had shared together felt so lost now with all the time apart.

And how much you loved and missed him.

Once done, you stared at the screen, waiting to see the words go away. That was what happened the first time, and you surmised it meant they went to find him. You willed your words to find their owner, clasping your hands together against your chest and praying internally for something to happen.

They remained, the cursor simply flashing at the end of your paragraph, waiting for your next command of the document.

Slamming the laptop screen closed, you shifted back in your chair, reeling from the feeling of being mocked.

“I can’t keep doing this anymore,” you spoke out into the universe, tears coursing down your cheeks. “I’m going mad. Maybe I was mad to begin with.”

Your phone rang then, and you peered at it, wondering who would be calling you right now. Picking it up, you sighed when you saw the name that crossed over the screen.

“Sungjin.”

“I know this sounds weird, but I had this feeling you needed me,” he spoke into the receiver, and you didn’t respond, the tears still streaming down your face. “Do you?”

“Not in the way you hope for,” you managed to say. “I’m sorry.”

“As a friend, Y/N. I long ago accepted that our initial liking of one another had changed when Brian came into your world.”

“You remember him?!” you asked desperately, gripping onto your phone. “Please tell me you remember him!”

“Has he gone somewhere, Y/N?” Sungjin asked, and you stared at your laptop, slowly opening the screen again.

Somehow, when you shut it, the force had been too much. There across the screen was a single crack, and it was enough to unhinge you completely.

“I’m coming over,” Sungjin spoke suddenly, and the line went dead as you looked at the broken computer.

You had destroyed the only chance Brian had left at coming back to you, and it felt so final that when Sungjin arrived, he found you on the floor in your office hysterically crying.

You knew it was wrong, his arms weren’t the ones you had craved all this time. Yet when Sungjin scooped you up and held you firmly against him, you relished in the feeling. He made you feel secure, protected, and this started to relax you. Clinging onto the man, your mind slowly came down from the irrational state it was in, and eventually, your tears stopped.

“You okay?” Sungjin asked, and you shook your head, before nodding. He smiled gently, understanding what you meant and got up.

Your hand shot up to hold onto his. “It’s selfish, but can you stay?”

“I was just going to get you a drink. I think we need to have a talk, don’t you? About that long story of yours.”

Now seated out at the dining table holding an unbearably hot mug within your sensitive hands, Sungjin watched you silently. And then he cleared his throat. “That night never sat well with me.”

“The awkward dinner?” you asked, partially because you knew that was what he referred to, but mostly because you wanted Sungjin to confirm it happened. Whilst you knew Brian had existed, you craved hearing that he had from others now too.

Sungjin nodded, chuckling a little. “You lied about him being a cousin’s friend.”

“There was no bug infestation,” you replied, looking over at Sungjin. “And Brian isn’t a friend of any of my cousins. They don’t know he even exists.”

“Call it part of the job description, but I looked into Brian more. Of course, I didn’t find much in a logical sense. There was no identification or security number. He had no job listing or even existed on the electoral roll.”

You smiled sadly. “No, he wouldn’t have been on any of that.”

“What you don’t know is that I grabbed a sample of his fingerprint that night. I took a napkin he used which had his print on it from the sauce of the pizza. And I ran it through the system. It matched the one of your intruder.”

Blinking with surprise, you leaned across towards the police officer. “It did? You found a match?!”

“I remembered the messages were signed with a B, and that made me curious when you mentioned his name was Brian. And then I came to your house and found him here, which at first, I didn’t understand. But he was there all along, somehow, wasn’t he?”

“He was the intruder.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Sungjin wondered, and you bit at your lip. “Because the truth made no sense, right?”

“It’s a long story,” you said out of habit and then cringed when you realised.

Sungjin nodded. “A story you wrote, right?”

“You--”

“I felt compelled to figure the mystery out. I went onto your website and read over the synopsis for Encounter. I found it intriguing the main protagonist was also called Brian Kang. Believe me, I was annoyed at first. I truly thought you had played me and wasted police hours when this man was in your house all along. But your despair was genuine back then, much as it is now. Y/N, I started to read the novel. Brian Kang is the Brian we know, right?”

You nodded, your tears slipping down your cheeks once more. “I sent him back into the story so I could finish it. And now that I have, I think he’s gone for good.”

_________________

Part 10

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[dungeonsanddragonsfifthedition]

the first annual “movies” awards

everyone’s doing their fake oscars, so why shouldn’t i do mine?

there will be five nominations per category, based exclusively on whether or not i liked it or not. my experience in film criticism is copy-editing film reviews for a major media group, but i also have terrible taste. if you are mad at me, it is just because you are angry.

thank you. let’s begin.

best ensemble: -knives out -the farewell -booksmart -hustlers and the winner.... parasite! fucking obviously. the film is a well-oiled machine, with its cast working together to shine a massive spotlight on each others’ performances. the chemistry, the dedication, and the choreography of it all. brilliant, show-stopping, etcetera.

best supporting actor: -willem dafoe, the lighthouse -brad pitt, once upon a time... in hollywood (i’m sorry! it was a good performance!) -song kang-ho, parasite -daniel craig, knives out and the winner... tom hanks, a beautiful day in the neighborhood! i am one of those people who cries at videos about fred rogers on the reg. tom hanks is an actor i have actively tried to dislike, but i’m completely unable to do it! this performance was like a warm hug, and sometimes, that’s what you need from a performance.

best supporting actress: -jennifer lopez, hustlers -zhao shuzhen, the farewell -laura dern, she just had a good year and i like her even if i didn’t like marriage story at all and i thought her work in little women didn’t stand out among the rest -margot robbie, same as ms. dern and the winner... florence pugh, little women! she managed to convincingly portray a 13 year old despite being florence pugh, which is a fucking miracle. i want to see her doing more comedy!!! her delivery as amy was delightful, and she succeeded where one of her co-stars, who i will not name in this post, failed, in playing a complex young woman with a great deal of internalized misogyny in a way that is real, relatable, and interesting. i also just fucking loved little women, is the thing. please break up with zach braff.

best director: -greta gerwig, little women -pedro almodóvar, pain & glory -sam mendes, 1917 -taika waititi, jojo rabbit and the winner... bong joon-ho, parasite! this feels like a given, tbh. parasite is a fucking masterpiece, and it’s so artfully and passionately crafted that it kills me. again, well-oiled machine.

best adapted screenplay: -hustlers, lorene scafaria -the lighthouse, max & robert eggers -the irishman, steven zaillian -a beautiful day in the neighborhood, micah fitzerman-blue & noah harpster -and the winner... greta gerwig, little women! listen. listen. ten year-old me kinned jo marsh. gerwig made a perfect adaptation of the book--changing and transforming as needed, and just. i fucking love that the heterosexuality-ever-after is presented as comedic and fake and stupid. it made me happy, and it made me want to reread the book. thanks.

best original screenplay: -parasite, bong joon-ho & han jin-won -the last black man in san francisco, joe talbot & rob richert -portrait of a lady on fire, céline sciamma -the farewell, lulu wang and the winner... knives out, rian johnson! i did not go into knives out expecting to love it. i knew i’d like it, of course--i love a good whodunnit, the cast is spectacular, all that, but as much as i love brick, both looper and tlj were not really for me, so i wasn’t really sure about how johnson’s work would vibe with me in 2020. anyway. i was so pleasantly surprised. the script is so sharp and pointed and fucking funny, and it made me want to play along with the mystery, so fuck yeah.

the oscar isaac award for making me remember that men can be attractive: -idris elba, hobbs & shaw (dq’d because cats happened, and i think it scarred me -richard madden, rocketman -jake gyllenhal, spiderman: far from home -lakeith stanfield, knives out and the winner... winston duke, us, because he’s very handsome and i think he has a charming personality.

best lead actor: -jimmie fails, the last black man in san francisco -eddie murphy, dolemite is my name -it is with great pain that i must say this, adam sandler, uncut gems -antonio banderas, pain & glory and the winner... taron egerton, rocketman, another movie i did not expect to love at all. but egerton’s performance makes it! it really does. much like the largely indistinguishable from him ansel elgort in baby driver, he managed to make me overcome my extreme dislike of him so as to deliver a charming, tragic performance. good job, taron.

best lead actress: -saoirse ronan, little women -alfre woodaard, clemency -renée zellweger, judy -elisabeth moss please leave scientology, her smell and the winner... lupita n’yongo, us! which, uh, duh. fucking horror performance of the century. maybe of eternity. i had nightmares for a solid week, and horror movies aren’t usually nightmare fuel for me. she manages to play unhinged masterfully while still serving as a grounding force, and it’s just magical. god. this performance was great, we have no choice but to stan, etc.

best picture: -knives out -little women -the last black man in san francisco -portrait of a lady on fire and the winner... parasite! i feel like i’ve explained that well enough. okay. thanks for tuning in. fuck the academy. love you bye.

[peachcitt]

for the meta writing asks: 20 and 4? ☺️

okay so thank you so much for asking these questions and wanting to know more about how i write and basically im saying ilysm and also that this got really really long SO if you’d like to hear about the stuff i think about/thought about while writing, click the read more!!

warning for: bone tea spoilers (like. spoilers for the end of the fic) and some mention of religion

20. tell us the meta about your writing that you really want to ramble to people about (symbolism you’ve included, character or relationship development that you love, hidden references, callbacks or clues for future scenes?)

let’s talk about bt! because god knows there’s a whole lot in there that i could talk about for hours BUT let’s talk specifically about gabriel and lila - our two favorite villains. NOW if you haven’t read bt (you can read it here) and don’t mind being hella spoiled for how it ends, gabriel is the father of adrien, one of the main protagonists, and lila is an ex-lover of marinette, the other main protagonist. throughout the whole story, i made it so that the relationships marinette and adrien have with gabriel and lila remain really complicated.

at the start of bt, we know adrien has cut himself off from his father and hasn’t seen him in years. as the story progresses, adrien and gabriel begin to make the steps of re-establishing a father-son relationship, and it’s something that adrien really does seem to feel good about. and then gabriel tells him that he’s hawkmoth, the guy who’s been killing people. so that’s not great.

for marinette, we’re given the sense that she’s been very isolated for a while, at least in the world of magic. when shit hits the fan, lila comes along, and it’s revealed that the relationship marinette and lila had before bt was a very passionate one that ended very badly. when chat confesses to marinette, we learn that in some ways, marinette still hasn’t recovered from the relationship she had with lila. and it turns out, lila joins up with hawkmoth for the sole reason of ruining marinette in any way she possibly can as revenge for breaking her heart. so that’s also not great. 

here’s bits from the final fight scene, aka the scene where both gabriel and lila are defeated:

Within seconds, his body was dropping unceremoniously to the floor, his life buzzing around amongst her teeth, and she was turning around, sparing no glances to the limp form of the man who had killed her friends, killed her other half. 

//

Marinette’s eyes widened. She and Lila both turned their heads to Adrien, pushing himself up from the floor. There was a determined light in his eyes, and Marinette knew. She knew he was going to do it, and he was going to do it right.

“To worlds far and unreturnable-”

Lila also seemed to know.

She turned her head back to Marinette, desperate, unhinged. She raised her arms, the blood and the silver glinting.

“BEGONE!”

it might be a little hard to tell since these are very small snippets, but here’s what i wanted to point out: in this final fight, marinette is the one to defeat gabriel, and adrien is the one to defeat lila. in a sense, marinette and adrien defeated each other’s antagonist.

in the final scene, they felt that they had literally no other choice; adrien was dead, gabriel offered his life, and marinette knew that was the only viable option for adrien to come back. marinette was pinned down, lila had the upper hand, and adrien knew marinette wouldn’t say the words in time to save herself. this was, to me, the ultimate symbol of adrien and marinette’s partnership and relationship; they always had each other’s backs, they were always balancing each other out.

but, i also felt that i was robbing the both of them the chance to feel closure for the abuse they each suffered. despite everything, adrien loved gabriel (his last words before dying were “i love you” directed toward the entire room - not just marinette, not just emilie, but also to gabriel) and marinette loved lila (even when she was inhabiting another body, marinette could still see lila behind it all - her last words to her, and presumably the last words she thought she would ever say were “i loved you; with everything i had, i loved you”)

SO let’s look at two moments from the final chapter:

After a moment, Adrien took a deep breath, wiping the tears from his eyes. “Is he still here?” he asked, and Marinette nodded. Adrien stared down at the grave, eyebrows furrowed. “Go now, Father,” he said softly, almost gently. “Go.”

Gabriel opened his mouth as if to say something in protest, and then he swallowed, glancing at Marinette and Emilie. He bowed his head, and he faded away, out of sight.

“He’s gone,” Adrien whispered. It wasn’t a question.

//

She rubbed her thumb over the little fix insignia, and she murmured the spell to wipe the hex away under her breath. When she pulled her hand away, the fox was gone, and so were all the traces of Lila’s magic. “It’s done,” she said, and she resolutely placed the book back into its proper place.

“Done?” Adrien asked, and Marinette nodded.

“Yeah. She’s gone.” And it was like a little weight had lifted off of her shoulders.

again, it might be a little hard to tell in these small snippets, but here’s what happened: at gabriel’s funeral, gabriel’s ghost shows up and adrien is the one to send him away for good. at marinette’s bookshop, marinette finds an old hex that lila left on one of the books from a while back, and she is the one to wipe away the hex.

so, through these small final scenes, i tried to give adrien and marinette the opportunity to say goodbye to the people they both loved and hated on their own terms. it was important for me to show that they saved each other without question in the final fight, but it was just as if not more important for me to give them each the space and peace so that they could come to terms with and turn the page on their past traumas.

dkjdkdskdkd that was basically a whole ass essay im sorry gnjfghjf BUT ive been wanting to ramble about that ever since i finished bt so THANK YOU for letting me do that

(ive also been thinking about maybe doing a bt reread before/after i post the special extra chapters where i reread bt and make comments like this about the thoughts i had while writing so let me know if any of y’all would like to see that!!) anyways next question sjffkj

4. share a sentence or paragraph from your writing that you’re really proud of (explain why, if you like)

"We are all God's things, all made of the same materials as everything else. There is a piece of Rome here, and there is a piece of here in Rome. The divinity does not lie in the place, but rather in the hands that shaped the place."

"Construction workers and artists that died hundreds of years ago made Rome," Will said, and Hannibal turned his eyes on him. A tumbling sort of feeling fell upon Will's stomach. "The company down the road made this one."

"Aren't the hands of God's people holy? Aren't the thoughts born from their brains pieces of the clay that He shaped, breathed life into?"

this is from my hannigram fic the dark and the stained glass watchers and there’s a couple of reasons why im proud of this, the first being that i was very drunk when i wrote this fic sfkjhsfkj 

literally i got drunk and i was like. hm i think i will write something gay and kind of blasphemous and then i wrote this fic that has a lot of really really good lines in it that i actually genuinely enjoy sober (if you haven’t watched hannibal and are curious about this fic - don’t worry you can read it if you want! it’s an au, so you don’t actually have to know anything about the show to read it)

im also proud of this bit because i have a sort of complicated relationship with religion skfjkfdk i was raised catholic which, as many know, has the ability to do wonders on your psyche in the long run in certain cases, and ive never really felt very connected to church or that strict sort of religion in general. im still not really sure exactly what i believe, to be honest - but i like to believe in the idea of holiness, of divinity. and, in this blasphemous gay hannibal fanfiction i wrote while drunk, i feel like in some ways i was finally able to put words to the things in my head regarding religion and belief in a way that i think is really beautiful. and im lowkey pretty proud of that.

anyway thank you so much for allowing me to ramble on about this stuff i love you and everyone who managed to read through all of this skjfghsfjh y’all are so strong 

[nearlyfandoms-blog]

Artemis and Orion - Chapter One

Summary: Sixth-year Ravenclaw, Valerie Halliwell, had spent the past five years a bright, successful student at Hogwarts. However, when she arrives home from her OWLs to find her younger sister missing, she can’t help but blame herself. Over the course of the summer, she slowly loses herself, becoming a shell of the person she once believed to be her true self. Upon arriving at her sixth year at Hogwarts and cutting herself off from her past self almost entirely she finds solace in a new group of companions, the Marauders. Valerie’s life finally seems to be on the upswing once more. However, Voldemort and his group of Death Eaters grow stronger and stronger, becoming more prevalent in the public eye, lashing out more frequently in more violently. The group once viewed as a powerless fringe company of dark wizards grow more and more powerful everyday and those, like Valerie, who believed themselves to be safe from the threat find themselves in constant danger. As the threat against Valerie and her family escalates in ways no one could foresee she may be forced to abandon the new life she has cultivated for herself for the good of her family and the ones she loves; the ones who love her the most.

A/N: Thank you all so much for reading the first chapter of this series! I hope you all enjoy it and I would love to hear what you all think. To be fair, I’m not the best at writing summaries so I hope that the one above does enough justice to the story. Let me know if anyone has any suggestions for it as the story goes one! Also, just a fair warning, this chapter is very expositional but I tried to make it as interesting as possible. Again, thank you so much for reading! I hope you’re all having a lovely day/night!

- nearlyfandoms

0.1

Silence. That’s what my life has boiled down to, a constant state of silent anxiety. An inescapable dread that my life had become unhinged and was spiralling wildly out of control coupled with the feeling that I was helpless, yet it was my own doing. My fate had little to nothing to do with me. At least, that’s what it had taken a summer to convince myself. My entire vacation away from Hogwarts was spent in a continuous cycle of sleeping, hardly eating, crying, and sitting in introspective silence. Each day continued the same. I had lost contact with all of my friends. Every week their letters arrived and every week a new piece of parchment was accumulating on my bedside table inside of my almost equally as silent and dreary household. I guess that’s how I ended up like this, sitting inside an empty cabin on the Hogwarts express on my way to my dreaded sixth year, the shell of who I used to be.

While boarding the Hogwarts Express for the past five years I had been filled with nothing but excitement. The joy of beginning another new and magical year at the world’s most prestigious school of witchcraft and wizardry was beyond thrilling. I would finally get to see my best friends and Ravenclaw peers after a long summer in my hometown of London. They were the ones who understood me. My mother tried to help me with the feelings of being lost outside of school. However, she lacked the experience to properly understand the sensation of being stranded in a world of people who were unlike me. I had my father, a fellow Ravenclaw, but he worked almost constantly, especially this summer. Who could blame him though? My house was the last place that I wanted to be too.

When I boarded the train home for the summer I had been the picture of Ravenclaw excellence; a bright, happy-go-lucky girl who never got less than excellent marks in any of her classes and spent her free time studying in the company of friends. Only three months later I boarded the same car a shell of the person I once was. I’d seen my closest friends Levi, Delilah and Carson sitting in a compartment with an empty seat I knew was reserved for me. My heart clenched when I saw that seat. It represented the five years of friendship that they were willing to preserve despite the numerous unanswered letters I’d received this summer. I was a terrible person. It was selfish of me but I couldn’t handle speaking to them again after the way I’d treated them over the summer. Instead of joining them in their compartment I walked hurriedly past and found an empty one for myself at the back of the train.

It was cold and I was completely and utterly alone. My mind wandered to thoughts of my beloved younger sister, Cheryl. Our situations were probably comparable. This is where the trouble that lead to my entire family’s downward spiral had begun. I arrived home from my fifth year at Hogwarts, excited as ever to see my family again. My sister was unaware of my father and I’s shared magical capabilities due to the fact that she did not inherit these traits as I had. She believe that I had been attending an all girls preparatory school for advanced studies in marine biology. It was a flimsy excuse, but she never questioned it. Cheryl wrote me frequently. Before she would send them my father would have to catch them as they were being delivered to the mail carrier and deliver them by owl. However, a few weeks before the end of school, in the middle of my O.W.L.s her letters had abruptly stopped. I didn’t pay much mind to it.

It wasn’t until I arrived home near the end of May that I was told she had run away from home a few weeks prior. During a particularly stressful night Cheryl had written me a letter and addressed it to the address she’d been writing to for years. She managed to deliver the letter to the post and received a letter a few days later from the headmaster of the school informing her that there had never been a Valerie Halliwell at her school. After confronting my father he confessed the truth about my whereabouts and his heritage. My mother was furious as she was the one that wished to keep it a secret from Cheryl until she was older. Being a muggle, my mother thought she could understand her better than my father and I. I suspect that Cheryl thought herself responsible for the sudden uptake in nightly arguments between our parents in the weeks before I returned from school. She left late in the night close to the beginning of May, a short note having been left behind as her only explanation. I’d reread her note thousands of time and the crumpled remains were currently stuffed in my pocket. My hands instinctively went to the pocket of my jeans to make sure the yellowed paper was still there. I couldn’t help but pull it out and scan over the scrawled and frantic handwriting one more time.

Dear Mum, Dad, and Val,

I’m sorry I’m such a nuisance and I’m sorry that I’ve done this to our family. Maybe it’d be for the better if I was somewhere else. Please don’t look for me, just know that I’m okay. I love you all.

- Cheryl

Tears pricked at the backs of my eyes. I’d practically memorized the letter by now. If only my parents had told me earlier, I could’ve stopped her. I believe that she is safe, she was clever enough to protect herself in tricky situations. However, she was still only fourteen and nothing would reassure me more than knowing she was at home and safe. I spent every waking moment worried about her wellbeing. It got to the point where I had stopped paying any mind to my own physical and mental wellbeing. My cheeks had hollowed significantly and everything about me was clearly on the decline, inching further and further away from stability with every breath.

I remember arriving home from the train station by cab. My parents sat in the living room in silence, a pointed glare being the only interaction that the two had probably shared for the preceeding hour before I arrived. My mood sunk immediately and my mind flushed with worry. I recall asking them what was the matter in a tentative and shaking voice. When they explained that my  younger sister had been missing for three weeks my sketchbook clattered from my hands and landed with a thud onto the hardwood floors. My mother started to cry. My father disregarded her and instead rose to embrace me. This was the first sign that anything was different between them. Typically, my father would immediately go to comfort my mother, but this time he brushed her off like a piece of dust that clung to his jacket. My mind was too frozen in a state of shock to react in any way. Burly arms embraced my small frame and rubbed my back soothingly but I could only remain still. My life hadn’t been the same since then.

My room, stacked floor to ceiling with my favorite records from muggle bands such as The Beatles and The Rolling Stones now felt foreign and strange. My earth-toned tapestries were falling from their posts above my bed. My bedding sat practically undisturbed as most nights I would fall asleep on the floor, a stack of pictures of Cheryl and I as children in hand. Sleeping in my own bed felt too normal, like I’d be disregarding the current situation and be accepting a life without Cheryl as normal. The girl with curlier hair than mine and innocent green eyes was only two years younger than me but I still felt an almost maternal instinct to protect her. A 14 year old with little to no experience in the real world could not be alone out there. Some parts were dark and twisted and there was so much brewing below the surface that she could never comprehend. A sadistic, elitist dark wizard with abilities the likes of which were previously unseen in the wizarding community was on the rise and he threatened not only the witches and wizards but the entire world. The majority of the population had no idea of the grave threat that they faced.

My family, however, was burdened with the knowledge of this crushing reality and, in an effort to restore some of the normalcy we once possessed, planned a family dinner the night before my return to school. My mother cooked my favorite, chicken alfredo with basil pesto, and bought some of my favorite cookie dough ice cream. However, there was no light-hearted conversation or laughter between bites to brighten the setting. There was only silence and the soft smacking of our chewing. If anything the gathering did nothing but make me feel worse about my situation and myself. I’d never felt so much self-pity in so little time before. I was supposed to be stronger than this. The only conversation that was had during the dinner was my father asking if I was excited for potions class this year. He excitedly told me about how advanced potions had been his favorite class throughout all of his seven years at Hogwarts. His professor had been Professor Seville, a young man not much older than the majority of the sixth years. All the girls fawned over him relentlessly while all the boys wanted to be him. He had been a 7th year prefect when my father was a first year. The amount of detail with which my father was able to recount his first time meeting the older boy was astounding as it’d been close to 35 years. I made this point clear to my father and he jokingly reminded me that he was “38 years old”. A smile stretched across his face, accompanied by the faintest hint of a laugh. The only positive that could be gleaned from that drawn out and borderline torturous hour was that faint glimmer of joy. It was hope; hope that things could return to normal, hope that tomorrow Cheryl would walk through our front door and that our lives would return to the way they were before all of this happened. Deep down all three of us knew that there was no way that was going to happen.

I was pulled suddenly from my reverie by a knock on the compartment door. Through the small glass pane I could see the trolley witch with a smile on her face outside the door. I didn’t have the motivation to get up or the gold to buy anything right now so I simply resigned to giving her a small smile and shaking my head sadly. The older woman gave me a sympathetic smile before turning back to her cart and beginning to holler her offerings of sweets down the corridor to the next compartment. Memories of eating chocolate frogs and comparing which notable wizard we each received with Carson, Delilah and Levi flashed through my mind. A small smile tugged on my lips as I remembered the time Carson accidentally ate a handful of Ernie Bott’s beans and when Levi went to buy some candy but was so startled by the girl he fancied that he dropped all his coins on the floor at her feet. Oh how I wished those could be the times I knew were still to come. Everything was inherently different now and no matter how hard I tried there was nothing I could do to fix it.

An hour or so later the train lurched to a stop. Several voices filled with excitement started to fill the compartments and cars as my peers flooded the halls. There were so many familiar faces that passed by. I couldn’t help but wonder if I would look as different to them as I felt? I waited about five minutes from when the last person passed by to stand and collect my things. The familiar itch of the cotton robes covered my body once more and I found an odd comfort in it, like receiving a hug from a beloved yet distant relative. My footsteps echoed as I hurried out of the train to catch up with the crowd of people getting into carriages to go to the castle. The first carriage I found contained a sixth year Gryffindor that I’d seen passing in the halls a few times. I didn’t know her name but she was pretty with fair skin and reddish hair that fell past her shoulders and framed her slender features. She smiled sweetly at me and gestured for me to join her. It only took a few moments of hesitation before I climbed in next to her. We didn’t say much. We gave each other glances that let me know that she knew who I was but was unable to put a face to the name, just as I was with her. She was the first to get out of the carriage when we got to the castle, which I was grateful for. If I knew she was behind me, watching me get out, I probably would’ve fallen flat on my face. I planned on thanking her before we left but by the time I was securely on the ground she was already running to catch up with a smaller group before us, her hair swishing gracefully behind her.

A breath of stale air that I didn’t know I’d been holding released heavily from my lips as my eyes landed on the castle for the first time in months. I felt like I was going insane. I hadn’t even gone inside yet but already something was different. Was it possible that the castle I’d grown up in could have grown with me too? I told myself this was impossible seeing as I was so small and insignificant in the grander scheme of all the amazing things that were happening within the walls of this school. Some of the finest witches and wizards were growing up here and we didn’t even know it yet. I doubted that I would be among those who fell under the accolade of the finest witches and wizards; perhaps I could have been last year when I was at the top of my class and a favorite of most of my professors, but not this year. Things like that change all the time. Unfortunately, whether we want it to happen or not, so do we.