#i also have an important class tomorrow and i cant go im so annoyed and sad what tf is today so sucky for

[rensunggiemon]

.

[etherealluminescence]

Shdjdjjddjjs okay but, more buff cat hcs when ?? But seriously, i know it probably counts as crack hc but i enjoyed it way to much i cant get it out of my head anymore, i havent laught so much in a while now sjdjchdj. I sure hope the buff cat saga will continue !!

You know what? I’ll give you some buff cat content now. 😤 my school work can wait. And trust me, the buff cat saga WILL continue. I just tend to work on requests first rather than my own wants haha.

I’m really happy you like buff cat! Buff cat is my life now. Constantly haunted by buff cat. Maybe one day I’ll introduce a girlfriend or friends for buff cat too 🤔

Maybe I’ll do a background about buff cat and how they met MC?? And why buff cat is so attached to MC? I don’t know. 👉👈 maybe if someone requests, otherwise I’ll just do whatever I feel like in the moment.

Anyone can also feel free to request any buff cat scenarios!! If not I’ll think of some up. THIS IS SO LONG IM SORRY. I WROTE THIS LIKE 1 HOUR OR SOMETHING STRAIGHT AHA.

The boys react to buff cat teaching you

Lucifer

Lucifer had noticed your grades were improving recently, and wanted to take you out to eat for working so hard to both keep up with your class.

When he came to your room, he saw a scene that honestly shouldn’t of surprised him, but did anyways.

You were sitting at your desk, books sprawled across the entire surface area of it. On top of a book pile was buff cat, wearing a pair of glasses, and he was using a pointer to show you important parts you should remember.

He watched in awe as you two never exchanged any words, but you were scribbling down definitions and important notes, while buff cat turned the pages and reviewed your work.

He’s gotten fairly use to buff cat cooking, cleaning, intimidating others, but he has never seen buff cat act like a teacher before, it was sort of new, and he even had a teacher outfit.

He swears that he never sees you buying these outfits, or that people in the devildom actually sell muscular cat clothing.

Buff Cat is the first to break the silence, looking over at Lucifer and positioning his pointer at Lucifer’s head, and then to in front of your desk.

You were still focused on your studying, knowing that you were steadily improving. Buff Cat got out a notepad from one of your desk drawers, and wrote “Leave what you require on this note, I am instructing MC right now, and when we are done tutoring I will give this note to them.”

Lucifer ended up having to take a rain check on taking you out to eat, and learned that your cat has really advanced vocabulary.

Mammon

He was failing the majority of his classes, and ended up asking you for help. You were his best shot, and you seemed to be passing all of your classes with flying colours.

You said you were happy to help him! Except that someone else was actually helping you study. They were a very efficient teacher.

He was relieved to hear that you’d introduce your teacher to him, until he found out it was that fucking demon spawn from hell.

He screeched so hard and ran out of the room, crying like a girl. “aAAAAaaaaAAAH”

Mammon is terrified of buff cat, and now you’re telling him this cat has the intelligence of a genius? You came to the devildom like a few months ago how is this cat tutoring you and making you pass your classes with ease??

He swears your cat is trying to plot for world domination or something. Will NEVER ask you to study with him again.

Leviathan

You walked into Levi’s room trying to find buff cat. It was a Sunday, which was typically a boys night out between them, but it was getting pretty late and you need to study.

There was a test tomorrow on devildom history, and you wanted to review one more time with buff cat, as to make sure you’ll do well on it.

“Mr. Kitty, are you here?” You called out, as soon as you said that Buff Cat paused the game and ran up to you. Levi was slightly annoyed as Buff Cat was beating a hard level for him, but he is your cat above all else.

You smiled as Buff Cat greeted you, and apologised for interrupting them. You explained to Levi how you wanted to review for the test, and if it wasn’t an issue could he spare around 20 minutes?

Levi huffed and agreed and called you a normie, and was about to pick up his switch when your words finally set in.

You put down the book you were carrying and got out a pencil, and took a piece of paper out of the book. You began writing down all of the important stuff on the paper while Buff Cat watched over your shoulder.

When you were finished, he went into the book with you and showed you a couple things you’ve missed or had forgotten, and then got you to write it down three times each as to remember. He even wrote a few essay questions for you which you got.

Levi was impressed. Not only did Buff Cat seem to know the whole devildom history by heart, he knew the exact pages and lines, and even how to write.

He didn’t really care as long as Buff Cat beats the hard level for him. He just considers it to be cool.

Satan

Satan was impressed with your high grades. It must be hard for a human to suddenly learn about a whole new realm, right? So if you had Cs he would understand, but you were getting 97s and 94s.

He understood everything when he started to notice what kind of books Buff Cat had been reading in his room, recently.

You all were having a test on curses soon, and Buff Cat came by his room and began looking for books about curses, and similar ones to what you all had been learning about.

Satan ended up chuckling to himself and found it amusing. It was amazing how your cat even spent his free time coming to someone’s room, finding books for your tests, and reads them before going back to you to help you understand the content.

He likes to get coffee with Buff Cat and talk about the stuff you’re learning in classes, he never directly said it to you, but he helps Buff Cat find specific books when Buff Cat comes over.

Asmodeous

Lucifer decided to punish the house of lamentations by taking away all of their electronics after they did something stupid again. The only way to earn it back, was through getting an 80% or higher on their next test.

You and Asmo suffered because you would normally look up answer during your test, and Asmo had no social media or contact with any of his friends with benefits.

You two weren’t ashamed to beg Buff Cat for help to pass your next test. He was probably the smartest in the house. He goes to Satan’s room almost every day and purchased books when he goes out. Your cat even tutored you when you were in elementary school.

You and Asmo barely needed to convince Buff Cat, as he was ecstatic to help you again. He’d do anything to help you, and was even willing to help Asmo out as well.

Asmo thought that Buff Cat looked REALLY adorable in his teacher’s outfit. A suit, tie, glasses, and his claws were so shiny from their manicure earlier.

Buff cat even slicked his fur back to look like he gel’d his hair. He was a literal fashion icon. Asmo could do some sewing, but nothing to the degree Buff Cat did.

Buff Cat had so many outfits he made himself, and he even did them so quickly. They all turned out perfect. Oh right, this was about studying wasn’t it?

Asmo never really asked questions about why your cat could just be so smart, and more so focused on how cool your cat looked. Priorities.

Beelzebub

Beel and Buff Cat are gym buddies, so naturally they’d walk home together from the gym. Everything was fine until Buff Cat’s MC senses were tingling, and began to walk towards you, crouching down in a store trying to figure out which notebooks to buy.

Beel thought it was pretty cool Buff Cat knew where you were, like how he and Belphie were that close to each other.

Brel asked you what you were doing, and you explained that you wanted to get some new notebooks because your old one is messy and confusing. You just scribbled whatever you could down, and were having a bit of a hard time in class.

Buff Cat immediately perked up, and you two seemed to have a conversation. He meowed and you happily said “I’d love that!”

Apparently, Buff Cat had offered to tutor you. Beel wasn’t so sure how well your cat could teach, though, considering he still is a cat, and offered to help you as well, since he wouldn’t like to see you sad from overworking yourself.

He was scribbling notes alongside with you five minutes into your first session together. Buff Cat wrote such simple explanations, and even prepared notecards ahead of time, Beel forgot he was supposed to teach you.

He is pretty fine with Buff Cat teaching you both, and once again forgets that Buff Cat is a “normal”? cat and not some weird creature that knows the answer to life.

Belphegor

Is really fucking terrified of your buff cat. Like TERRIFIED. So when he sees your cat in a teacher’s outfit sitting at the dinning room table, teaching you math, he was frozen.

He came down to get a glass of milk but what is this. Do you- do you have to do it in the living room?

There is no other reaction than physical fear coursing through his body his adrenaline is at the highest and his fight or flight instincts kick in.

He’s already fought once and that caused Buff Cat to exist in constant Buff form around him, so you can bet he is running.

Probably has a group chat with Mammon and Luke. “Buff Cat Conspiracy”. They talk about how scary buff cat is.

Diavolo

Buff Cat told Diavolo he was the one who helped you study. They were having conversation (buff cat used a notebook) and the topic of your studies came up. He mentioned how he had been helping you study, and understand the terminology in the Devildom better.

He was happy to hear that you understood it, and that it wasn’t too complicated for either of you too.

He actually asks if he can watch your study sessions, to see if he needs to lighten your workload just in case you’re pushing yourself too much.

You two allow him to watch, and he’s giving soft claps and smiles as the two of you give it your best.

Is honestly very happy with how much you two get along, and how you say it’s very simple since Buff Cat explains(meows) it in a very efficient manner.

He already knew Buff Cat was smart, but haha. Maybe he should hire Buff Cat to be a teacher or support class teacher for RAD?

Barbatos

You had grown accustomed to the devildom these past few months, and with Buff Cat with you, you were allowed to freely explore it when you want.

Buff Cat also happens to have a spare key to open the castle when he wishes.

Exam/testing season was coming up, and you knew you couldn’t study at the house of lamentation.

It was very distracting, and so you decided to go to the castle. No one will be screaming there, or trying to convince you your cat is a weird entity trying to plot world domination.

Barbatos was sort of used to seeing Buff Cat come and go as he pleases, but why were you here? Before he could say anything, you told him that you were visiting to study! And that you hope he didn’t mind that Buff Cat was going to tutor you.

Alright, so you’re studying, but why at the castle? You had to explain that it was very distracting at the house of lamentations, and Mammon was trying to convince you to get rid of your cat 24/7.

Ah, he could see that. Your cat isn’t exactly normal, and Mammon does occasionally scream like a girl. I promise I love Mammon. But it’s not like he minded, so long as you two were quiet and actually studied.

He left to clean for a bit, and when he returned to the guest room he saw you wearing a headband, violently writing down and muttering definitions at an insane pace. Buff Cat was in a teacher’s outfit, and holding out flash cards.

He’s slightly taken aback, but doesn’t show it anywhere on his face. He has never seen you so serious before, and neither has he seen Buff Cat so focused on you, as well.

He’s quite proud of you two for your hard work and dedication. He doesn’t interrupt but instead pours you three cups of tea, Buff Cat thanks him, and watches over you two.

Solomon

Solomon invited you over for a study session. He may be a little shady, but he does care for you, as a fellow human.

He was ecstatic to see Buff Cat come with you, because he still wants to dissect your cat.

He was about to talk to you about letting him research you cat, but you made yourself comfortable on his bed, and Buff Cat began to put on glasses and take out a pointer.

He didn’t have anytime to talk beforehand, as you were highlighting certain areas of your book, your cat pointing to certain parts, and you patted the bed beside you for Solomon to join.

Solomon’s plans to dissect your cat are set back another day, but he takes great interest in the way he teaches. Your cat is very methodical about how to remember things, and explains(meows) it rather simply.

He swears that your cat is not a normal human cat, but why can he sense literally zero magic power from it? If only Buff Cat could teach him that.

Solomon also gets 100% on the next test by remembering everything the way Buff Cat had taught you two.

Simeon

Absolutely chaotic man, when he sees you and Buff Cat in a classroom when school was over, he approached you two, and said hello.

You greeted him, and so did Buff Cat. He asked what you were doing after school so late, and that it was dangerous for the two of you. Buff Cat not so much but could still be in danger.

You told him you were studying for the upcoming test, and that Buff Cat was helping you.

Simeon was like!!! 💖👉👈💖💖💖💖🥰🥰🥺🥺 could I join?? This sounds so fun!! Buff Cat is so smart!!

He does not question the fact he’s studying with a cat, learning from a cat, or just how nice your cat can write on paper, like perfect handwriting.

He has such chaotic energy that he’s just like you, what a cute cat!

Luke

no.

just no.

he’s fine with your cat but does your cat have to be in buff form when you’re being taught?

he is happy you are getting good grades but please get him away from buff form buff cat.

[wizisbored]

right im rearranging the sk ghosts au again because series 3 happened and i have more thoughts

just kinda matched up the characters in terms of Vibes

mike and alison - paul and emma

pretty much same setup as mike and alison except that emma has far less patience for the ghosts bullshit. many a time paul has walked into her just absolutely losing her shit at a completely empty room.

aaand ill be sticking the rest under a cut because Long

lady button - linda monroe

a high class lady like fanny but also some kinda priestess? still a prophet? idk im still figuring it out but wiggly was still very much a Thing in her life and as well as telling emma that a LADY does not use such language she is also trying to introduce her to her Exciting New Religion.

captain - mcnamara

quite similar to the captain but less repressed. constantly wanting to give yet another talk on the fundamental truths of love and the human heart. also badgers both paul and emma to wear watches despite the fact that only one can hear him.

robin - zazzalil

robins a smart guy under all the funney caveman jokes, and so is zaz. she keeps coming up with inventions that already exist and trying to convince emma that stone-age technology is the best solution to whatever problems shes having. peoples reactions to this tend to range from finding it funny to being annoyed by her. deep down shes just desperately trying to prove shes not obsolete as a prehistoric inventor.

kitty - keeri

just wants someone to hang out with / blindly follow. hangs out with emma because shes a new friend who hasnt gotten tired of being followed yet. also pals with zazzalil because a lot of the time she doesnt think to point out that her new ideas have already been done.

mary - charlotte

mary but with more Sadness. some tension between her and zaz because yknow. Fire. somehow managed to sneak a waterskin of alcohol to her own execution. its a long-standing debate between the ghosts as to whether the alcohol a) is actually able to affect her, and b) even stays in her stomach long enough to have any effect before getting teleported back to the skin like thomas’ letter.

pat - jemilla

was running a wilderness survival / bushcraft camp on the grounds when there was a yet-undecided-upon Accident. was initially interested in zaz because of the whole wilderness thing, but jemilla pointing out the recklessness in her stories often led to squabbling so their relationship is now a little tense for now :)

thomas - hidgens

doesnt have the romantic ambitions of thomas (partly because hes like twice emmas age and partially because im just not a fan of that trope), but is instead convinced that emma is in fact very interested in his musical persuits and wants to hear about them. she does not.

julian - ted

maybe not an mp, but thinks himself just as important. all the female ghosts apart from charlotte strongly dislike him but he hasnt noticed. have you seen that post saying alison should start just walking through julian whenever hes being shitty? yeah that. if he gets to far into emmas personal space she will wave her hand through his face.

humphrey - bill

just a Nice Dude who happens to be in two pieces. when emma tells paul about him hes constantly worried hes going to step on (in?) bill’s head and hurt him, and encourages her to get a ghost to put it back on. bill appreciates the concern despite the fact that paul would have no clue if he had trod on him.

plague pit ghosts - tto family

died of dysentary. just kinda vibing in the basement. also, sww insisted on adopting hannah at some point so shes there too.

jemima - hannah

sings what if tomorrow comes instead of ring around the roses. as mentioned, lives in the basement with the dickrats. mostly stays down there to avoid linda - she hates the woman for reasons she cant quite get into words, as well as the wiggly doll.

dante - a wiggly doll

kinda terrifying. hes a little bigger than an official wiggly doll, with glass eyes, and looking disturbingly like taxidermy despite not being a real animal. emma is the only living person who actually knows what the hell this weird old cuthulu-looking stuffed thing in the house is, since linda has lectured her about him multiple times. shes told paul as well but he is very confused about it. thing is, practically everyone who visits the house has their own theory about what the fuck that nightmare doll is, and emma has to nod and 'yeah maybe' along while linda rants in her ear about her dark god.

pidgeon - the duck

pretty much the same as the pidgeon except for the fact that zazzalil keeps going back and forth on wether it should be considered sacred (a few thousand years and all this ghost stuff has got her kinda confused about her spirituality/relegion)

[uwooyoungs]

//

[khposting]

it's time for my peronal ranking of the kh1 worlds

been thinking a lot about all the worlds in kh1 recently. kh1 has a very neat little dream-like charm to it that i don’t think any other game has ever really captured since. so i decided to rank all 13 worlds in the game! what are my criteria? fuck if i know! whatever the wind tells me! wait hold on there’s how many worlds nomura you conniving bi

13 - Atlantica

KH1's swimming controls are such a joke. I was gonna write more, but actually, I think that works.

12 - Deep Jungle

Yeah okay this is not surprising anyone. Deep Jungle is notorious for how much backtracking has to be done in it. It really is just a slog of a world, but hey, at least the music is good.

11 - Monstro

Really not a fan of Monstro. All of the rooms look the same and the layout is needlessly confusing. It's pretty quick, though, so it's a bit more tolerable than Deep Jungle. Getting High Jump is pretty nice, as well.

10 - Wonderland

Wonderland just feels really rushed to me. I'm not a fan of the boxy design of the rooms, and the total lack of voice acted cutscenes isn't great. Also, it just makes no sense story-wise? Like, okay, I know that I'm beating a dead horse, but like, why the fuck is ALICE (not a princess) a PRINCESS OF HEART when ARIEL (a princess) ISN'T? And on top of that, if Alice IS a Princess of Heart and Ariel ISN'T, then WHY is Ursula in Maleficent's Panel Of Villains™ but the Queen of Hearts ISN'T??? WHAT THE FUCK????

9 - The End of the World

The End of the World is really cool in concept, and aesthetically really cool. However, it being so linear makes it kinda...mmboring. Fighting Chernabog caught me super off guard and was fucking awesome, though.

8 - Neverland

"You're stupid!"

7 - Olympus Coliseum

Olympus Coliseum is really fun for all the cups and cool fights (and, of course, Sephiroth), but its just so small and inconsequential that I honestly didn't even realize that there was a keyhole in this world until my second playthrough.

6 - Agrabah

Agrabah is pretty cool! Aladdin was one of my favorite movies as a kid, so I have a big soft spot for Agrabah. It definitely has its flaws, the Cave of Wonders is kind of annoying with the pits, but fighting Genine Jafar in some fucking hellish abyss? So good. Love it.

5 - Destiny Islands

While I personally find it to be a bit boring, Destiny Islands is just so important to Kingdom Hearts and is such a pretty location that I couldn't bring myself to put it any lower. Such a thematically important world.

4 - 100 Acre Wood

Everything Winnie the Pooh says melts my heart. Also Bounce-O-Rama is a banger and criminally slept on

3 - Traverse Town

I fuckin love Traverse Town. So warm. So homey. Such nice music. So surreal. I love it.

2 - Hollow Bastion

Controversial, yes, but don't get it twisted - Hollow Bastion is still incredible. Absolutely gorgeous. I love the Rising Falls. The thing that holds it back for me, though, is the section in the beginning when you don't have the Keyblade. I get that it's thematically appropriate and interesting in the story, but, like...I just wanna play the game! And I don't really use magic because I'm a little dumb dumb baby man! Other than that, though, an absolutely stellar world.

1 - Halloween Town

YEEAHHHH BITCH YOU ALREADY FUCKIN KNOW AAHHHAHAHAHAHAHA

Alright, full transparency: The Nightmare Before Christmas was my favorite movie for a long, long time, and it still is one of my favorite movies. So I'm definitely very biased. But, I mean, can you blame me, though? The aesthetic! The outfits! The music! The first Oogie boss fight kinda sucks, but the one where you fight the mansion merged with Oogie? That's fucking awesome!! It's just so cool! It's so fucking cool!! Best KH1 world!!!!!!

....and that's it! That's all 13 worlds ranked! Would you believe me if I told you this took me like 2 hours? It's almost 5am now! I am very tired! Uh I'm not gonna do this for COM because 1. i never finished it 2. its like. the same set of worlds and 3. by the game's very nature the worlds don't really have level design so. i cant really make judgements on them. but i will do kh2! because that game fucks! okay im gonna go to bed now because i have class tomorrow! bye bye!!

[mistymark]

the boyfriend one. [yuta]

full masterlist // part of the nct boyfriend series // 1.0k

okay so

tbh I kinda see yuta as a (pure) switch

like he's TOTALLY in love w you

but also like,,, not afraid to joke around with you

is Annoying Boyfriend

PDA is his best friend

personal space? yuta doesnt know her

he is always always a l w a y s touching you

PURELY THO

no sinners in our house

lots of playful banter

just bc yuta has The Greatest Sense Of Humour to date

like

he'd catapult himself onto ur bed to wake you up then be like

 “I’d offer you breakfast but you didn’t make any”

but you'd be like “its okay im not hungry”

“WHAT COME ON”

*muffled giggling*

OH!!!! AND!!

the babe incident:

y’all are chilling w The Bois (tee em) and aw :( time for yuta to go :((

anyways so he gets up to leave all swagger and Chill

“okay bye see you tomorrow”

and instantly ur CACKLING

bc this boy

this MOTHER TrUCKER

couldnt call u babe in front of his friends

*deep voice* “okay bye see you tomorrow YOU DIDNT WANNA SAY BABE IN FRONT OF YOUR FRIENDS CALL ME BABE CALL ME BABE-”

and then he'd start laughing at u bc ur impersonation of him is lowkey cute

but he'd be shutting the door and just call out “OKAY OKAY BYE BABE I LOVE YOU”

and he's like oh SHIT

no no no this cannot be happening it just slipped out im sorry

ur like o.O

this is not something that has happened before

“did you-”

“NO”

“im pretty sure-”

“NO you must have misheard I said I love… fruit?”

*unimpressed* “you hate fruit”

“thats ten” - doyoung, unhelpfully, from the other side of the door, circa 2019

“I’ve had a recent revelation that maybe I don’t dislike it as much as I believed”

nakamoto yuta LOVES you

and he just said it for the first time accidentally in front of ALL OF HIS FRIENDS

ur shy

and hes super embarrassed bc he wanted it to be said in a cute way for the first time

and ur shocked

but u dont want him to suffer alone:

“I love you too.”

blushing

bLuShinG

BLUSHING

BLUSHING

this boy sends u the CUTEST GRIN

then completely dips

(it was also after this point that he began to feel okay calling u babe in front of the other members)

y’all go shopping a lot

but he also likes to join you when you go grocery shopping

likes to ride around on the trolleys as u do all the actual shopping

oh my god and he is That Kid that sneaks things into the cart when ur not looking

so one day y'all are out grocery shopping

getting that bREAD

and he's wearing this green hoodie, and ur wearing blue

*picks up lettuce* “this matches my outift”

then ur like oh!!! cute!!!

so u grab the first blue object you see in the cart

and ur like !!! this matches MINE!

and this boy

literally falls over he's laughing so hard

ur confused

ur like ????????? what

so u glance at the packet and immediately u drop them

as if theyre like poison or something idk

because “OH MY GOD WHAT ARE CONDOMS DOING IN OUR CART”

I feel like yuta is either a person who is completely apologetic or completely unapologetic

he’ll either find it hard to apologise and wont do it at all, or will apologise for everything

I mean, you'd realise this and wouldn't push him about things - you’d know he's sorry either way

but totally making him apologise for putting cONDOMS IN OUR CART THAT WAS THE MOST EMBARRASSING THING EVER OH MY GOD

but he's also all about the small gestures too

really likes to SHOW his love more than say it

unless its winwin

he always brings you coffee and tea

when ur working or studying or just really tired

and then he'd pull the whole:

“I brought you coffee. just the way you like it.”

*confused* “hot?”

“like your boyfriend ;)”

ALSO

“wow the sky is so beautiful”

“you know what else is beautiful”

“what? :D”

“me”

overall tho hes a total sweetheart

probably takes u on the cutest dates

likes fun dates

amusement parks, arcades, mini golf, etc.

but if its like

later than 2pm he’ll refuse to go out

so you'd just cuddle and play video games or board games or something

really tries to impress ur family

probably comes over and brings flowers

you're like !! aw !! yuta !!

and he's like nah fam these arent for u ur ugly lol

but then he sees ur mother and he's like :))) hi :))))) these are for you :))) uwu

once he knows ur family loves him

he boasts about it all the time

“yo y/n ur mum invited me to dinner”

“?? when?”

“Wednesday? I know u cant make it you wont be missed lol”

especially to the other members

and if one o them is in a relationship ??????? bonus points

like

“guys y/n and I are couple goals,,, her parents are practically begging me to marry her”

“is this because they said you should come to their neighbour’s bar mitzvah??”

“shut up jaehyun ur irrelevant only people who are dating can #ContributeTheirOpinions”

OKAY ENOUGH JOKES

yuta is actually so gorgeous and I love him to pieces

probably gives you all his clothes bc he thinks u look hot wearing them

texts you at the most inconvenient times (e.g. during meetings, lectures, exams, classes, etc.) and claims he “forgot” you were doing something important

when he can see u from across the room he’ll text u something sappy like “you look beautiful” or “I love you” just to see the way your face lights up at his words

slut for putting his hand on ur thigh when ur sitting next to him

sometimes he doesnt even notice himself doing it

you'll just sit down and he's like yep hand + thigh = happy yuta

looks at ur lips

its kind of a giveaway that he wants to kiss you

its hella subconscious tho and the first time u pointed it out he got all smiley and embarrassed

like he didn’t know he had a habit of staring at ur lips when he wanted to kiss you

and it was a dead giveaway if u were playing video games in the lounge room and he’s laughing with you and then suddenly he’s staring at your lips

you Know what he’s thinking about

“Yuta,, stop” “????? I wasn’t ?? Doing anything??”

has a selfie of the two of you as his home screen background

and a random photo he took of you as his lock screen

it changes regularly tho

because he “cant pick a favourite”

FaceTimes you often

like prefers it over texting or calling

bc he gets to see you as if ur with him

and its :(((

but u see each other a lot anyway so what is he on about

u think its just bc he likes to screenshot u when ur pulling ugly faces or brushing ur teeth

its really because he really just enjoys looking at you

probably screenshots all ur snapchats

but only the ones where youve just woken up or pulling the worst faces

keeps them all

“YUTA OH MY GOD WHY DID YOU SCREENSHOT THAT I LOOK AWFUL” “no you look cute :((”

tbh his social media is probably filled with selfies of you two from way too close

like pulling crazy faces in pics with you that its hard to get a selfie with him just smiling nicely

but every photo you have taken of you together by other people look like your both about to walk a red carpet

truly visual couple

instantly smiles when u walk in the room

and probably gets offended when you dont immediately go to him when you enter

like who could u possibly need to talk to more than him

#rude

nah but seriously he loves seeing u

and when ur happy

oh boy

he's happy too

grinning at all times

what a babe

like LITERALLY

ALWAYS SMILIGN AROUND YOU AND MY HEART EXPLODES WHEN I LOOK AT HIM GOODNIGHT

[musgo]

5 6 19

thank you so much for sending sdcjnskjdn i uhhhh recorded all of these basically immediately after you sent them but then i listened back and felt like i suonded so annoying and went on too long and my pronunciation wasnt very clear so i postponed posting them sdjnvdjs i decided to transcribe what i said (under read more) cause that makes me feel better abt it. 

5. I’ll talk about what I did today

https://vocaroo.com/i/s0z7uDDcKzjQ

6. I’ll talk about something I’m obsessed with/currently interested in

https://vocaroo.com/i/s0iLq52dlB1y  (the very good video i talk about: https://youtu.be/-6lMD9h_ix4)

19. I’ll talk about something I’m proud of

https://vocaroo.com/i/s0lPPvmwbvbI this ones the most ebarassing cause i decided to have fun and try switching to my alternative, vaguely british-inspired “accent”,,,, also the cohesion ... she just wasnt there.

5. today i went to college. i was really late and i missed the first class. i only attended one class today, cause i only have two classes per day rn - thats definitely gonna change next semester but anyway - the class was really good, the subject is Introduction to Literary Studies (i took a while cause i had to translate it from portuguese) but um yeah the class was about why humans create fiction. why humans.. you know.. how humans...... Human Nature is such that we are unsatisfied with reality and we create other lives and other experiences through fiction. and it’s not necessarily that we don’t like our reality, it could just be that it’s not enough; like, you could rly like your reality but you still have an innate, like.. NEED for experiencing Other Things that you couldnt in your own life. thats basically what the argument was, it was really interesting. and i rly like the teacher, she’s rly cool. so after that class i just had some lunch DELICIOUS the food in my college is so good ugh i love it so much and it’s just 2 reais for         for lunch when you’re a student there and it’s so good i’m.. ugh it’s the best part of college        cause its rly rly rly cheap for us students and it’s really good like It didnt even have to be that good cause it’s so cheap but it’s REALLY GOOD hh     um... yeah i love it  AND THEN after having lunch i went to the library which is a luh--another thing i rly like about my college cause  it’s the biggest library in my university.   so.. i study in the universtiy of são paulo which is one of the biggest universities in brasil .... so.. the campus is like rly huge and .. [i realized i was just explaining what a university is fsr?????? ]  uhhhh yeah i went to my library. [????? MY LIBRARY??? i dont own a library.] and i love my library theres like. i love to just walk around and see.    The Books cause theres like.. so such interesting books. and like books in so many languages... ugh it’s amazing so i went there to actually find some english learning books and i did , cause im trying to teach my sister english andt..    yeah i found this session-- Section. where theres all these    language learning books so theres like             a couple shelves that are like just english learning books and then theres a shelf thats just like japanese learning and then a couple shelves for russian   thens ome korean  some frickin SANSKRIT  latin ancient greek just everything . theeres also like indigenous south american languages which i was really happy to see and im definitely gonna check that out eventually but for today i just took the english ones cause ..  yeah i cant really  i dont really that much time and everyone for all that right now with college ..     AND THEN the rest of my day was that i left my phone!! cause i went to take the bus and  i left my pjhone on the bus stop.      i feel like my entonation is really annoying right now but yeah.. so yeah i left my phone on the bus stop and i was so scared.  i went back to the bus stop    got off the bus [wrong order] and it wasnt there , i went in the building - my college has 3 buildings for the different courses - i went in one of them cause i assumed it would be there because it was the closest to the bus stop so if somebody found my phone on the bus stop they wouldve taken it there and  left it there with the recepcionist or whatever so i went there and it wasnt there so iwas like “oh no its not here . maybe i left it in the bus instead of the bus stop and i just didnt notcie that it like fell from my pocket or sth.” so i took the bus again and went to the terminal which is where it would be if somebody found it in the bus and gave it to someone responsible for that stuff. but it obviously wasnt there. so i went home, very sad, This whole thing lasted like 2 hours and then its like over an hour for me to come home from college cause yk i live in a neighbouring city which is pretty close but its still an hour to an hour and a half everyday to go and ..... to go to and fro. is that how you say that expression idk . ...    and then when i got home!!!! i wnt in the facebook group of my college [course] to see if somebofy had posted something about a lost phone and Yes They Had they posted a photo of my phone and i was like oh thank god so im gonna get it back tomorrow. now im home im looking at my cat. occasionally looking after my nephews and my niece. and thats my day

6. i was sitting here thinking.. trying to think of something   and i remembered that--..............   Cause its rly hard for me to answer these questions where itsj ust one thing and i just..................          i just draw a blank whenever i get these questions but im just gonna say something that happened recently cause it was like : yesterday i found this video on youtube of a    an .. anemone? Swimming     like this starfish touches it and it like Changes Form it Elongates and just starts shaking to like get away. and its amazing it reminded me of how much i like Cnidarians(????)  the phylum .  the group of animals that includes jellyfish and corals, basically.   its just so cool like they alternate like one of the.... oh my gosh my house is so loud uhh...       yeah they like its really crazy i dont actually know a lot about it but i just think its so cool like the corals .. they.. reproduce.. and like.. their offspring sometimes is A Jellyfish . and then the Jellyfish sometimes produce Corals.   cause you look at the two things and they dont rly look that similar but they Are basically one and the same, and theyre Animals both of them just the same.  theyre just like inverted when you think about. its really cool and i didnt know that corals could MOVE like that just Get Out like... DeTach . from their thing and just start Swimming!! i had no idea that was a thing but yeah basically something that im obsessed with is um animals like that. the animals that arent chordates. so like sponges, cnidarians,  frickin ummmm echinoderms. You Can look at My Tags Page i have that stuff listed. i love it cause its so fun when you think about how theyre animals so theyre like closer to us structurally and cellularly than to other things.

19. you know. when people are mad at me for doing something not as fast as one possibly could or somethin like not understanding what they said or doing something a little bit wrong like following instructions a little wrong and you know when its not rly that important and people get mad and me for that and stuff.. i just.. i feel really happy that i'm not like that. cause i feel like most people around me.. they ARE like that like they just get so mad.. they allow themselves to get so mad about small things.. and i dont know i like that im pretty patient and i dont mind having to wait or to instruct someone a few times and correct them until they get it right and teach them and... all that. i dont know like i feel like.. idk im proud of myself for not like picking fights and getting mad at people for things that dont rly matter cause.. idk people around me do that a lot it makes me rly sad like... idk thats something i like abt myself i think i can like I'll feel angry sometimes and dont get me wrong anger is very necessary and its a very good thing when it is like... whats that word? its like... freakin.. deserved [i think the word i was looking for is "warranted"] like be angry at freakin capitalism or sth freakin racism you know set people on fire for that kinda stuff. but for small things on daily life i think people let it get to them too easily. and just create.. idk. it makes me sad so im happy that i dont have a lot of these impulses in these situations and when i do feel peeved from something petty im able to hold back cause im like.. its not worth it its just... this is so small. i'm.... you know? its not worht it.

[365daysofsasuhina]

[ 365 Days of SasuHina || Day Forty-Five: A Grey Coat ] [ Uchiha Sasuke, Hyūga Hinata, Hyūga Hiashi ] [ SasuHina ] [ Verse: Best Years of Your Life ] [ AO3 Link ]

It was such an odd way to meet someone.

There had been no call for rain that morning - the weatherman had said skies would be clear as students started returning to school for the year. And, true to his word, there hadn’t been a single cloud in the sky, blue and clear above their little city. Still munching her breakfast, Hinata had decided to forgo her umbrella. The less she has to carry and keep track of on her first day of high school, the better.

Hanabi, still in primary school, bade her elder sister goodbye as Hinata called her farewell, stepping into her shoes and careful not to wrinkle her uniform. Bag in hand, she left the house behind and jogged around to the front where her bike was parked. Thankfully it wasn’t too far to her new school - not far enough to need the train, at any rate. A little while of pedaling, and she’d be there.

The crowds had been a little intimidating. While middle school had been a little small, given that there were more of them in town, there were only two high schools to encompass them all. Marveling a bit at the sakura trees, she’d parked her bike, traded her shoes, and made her way to her first class.

It...really wasn’t a very remarkable day. Not until last period, when they all jumped as thunder rattled the building.

Almost out of nowhere, a storm rolled in. And with it, a turbulent downpour of rain.

Hinata’s heart sank. Really? She was going to get soaked! Many other students began chattering about the same as their teacher tried to regather focus.

Come the end of the day, it was a madhouse of rushing teenagers trying to make their way through the downpour. Only a few had still insisted on bringing their umbrellas, whole groups trying to crowd under them like ducklings under their mother.

Lingering just under the awning of the entrance, Hinata stared out into the rain. It almost seemed to blur the view, it was so heavy! She hadn’t even brought any kind of a jacket, the day had started off so mild. Part of her almost wanted to try phoning her father to come pick her up, but...well, surely that would only annoy him.

And then...whoomph.

Startling as something fell on top of her, Hinata couldn’t help a small gasp of surprise. Struggling against it for a moment, she calmed as she realized it was...fabric of some kind. A...a coat? Grey, like her uniform. Then...it must have been someone’s…?

Peering out from under it, she saw a boy, completely unfamiliar to her. He was a little pale, with a mess of dark hair and calm matching eyes. At her look, he glanced to her, earning a small jump. “You’re gonna get soaked,” was all he told her.

“...u-um…”

“I’ve got a club to go to, and my brother’s picking me up then. You need it more than I do.”

“Oh...t-thank you. Um…?”

“Uchiha Sasuke.”

It didn’t ring any bells - he must have gone to another middle school. “Hyūga...Hinata.”

“Just bring it back tomorrow. I’ll get it from you then.”

Blinking, she just nodded, watching him head back inside. Well that was...strange. But she’s certainly grateful.

Turning back out, she took a deep breath...and made a run for it.

Thankfully she was skilled enough at riding her beloved bike, she could spare one hand to keep the coat in place as the other handled the steering alone. By the time she got home it was soaked, but most of her hair and back were dry. The rest of her...well, she got right into a hot bath - she couldn’t afford to get sick on the first day!

She’d then laundered the garment and hung it to dry, going about her homework and occasionally glancing to it. Even then, Hinata was still surprised at the gesture. They were strangers, after all.

Poking about her generation’s favorite social media site didn’t turn up anything - either he didn’t have a page, or he’d told her the wrong name. She couldn’t help but be a little disappointed. Maybe a page would have given her a little more insight about who this Sasuke guy was.

...but at least he was nice.

And so, here we are the next morning, Hinata hanging the jacket near the front door...alongside her umbrella.

“Hinata...that isn’t part of your uniform, is it?”

Turning to Hiashi, she blinks, not sure how to reply. “I, um...I-I borrowed it from a friend yesterday. To...get home in the rain.” It’s not a lie, though she’s not sure she can call Sasuke a friend quite yet.

Her father perks a brow. “...I see.”

“I w-went ahead and washed it, so...it’s in good shape. I just need to get it back to him.”

“...him…?”

A pause. Well...she’d thought it obvious, given it wasn’t part of her girl’s uniform… “Y...yes.”

Eyeing the garment critically, Hiashi just harrumphs and goes back to his newspaper.

Heaving a small sigh, Hinata goes through her breakfast quickly, giving Hanabi a pat on the head before taking up the jacket and heading out the door.

There wasn’t time yesterday to ask what class he’s in...but surely he’s a first year like herself, right? She’ll just...have to find someone who knows him and find out for sure. Of course, the story might perk some eyebrows as it did her father, but...no matter. Getting him back his property is more important than igniting a few rumors.

...right?

At least she knows he’s not in her class of 1-2 - but that still leaves four other classrooms. Peering into the first, she doesn’t spot him...but then again, she’s a little early, wanting to have some time to try and spot him.

A few girls excuse themselves past her, and she decides to just...ask. “Excuse me, um...do you happen to know what class Uchiha Sasuke is in?”

The pair exchange a look. “Why do you need to know?”

“I...I borrowed something from him yesterday, and...I need to get it back to him.” Something about their tone makes her a little hesitant to explain any further.

“What?! Sasuke-kun lent you something? What was it?”

“You should give it to me! I’ll give it back to him for you!”

Immediately regretting her question, Hinata waves her hands. “N-no, I really should -”

“Oi…”

The trio turn to see none other than their subject of conversation, expression mildly annoyed. Like a couple of birds, the other two start twittering at him...and it’s clear he’d rather they didn’t…

“I...I have your coat!”

Hinata blurts out the words in an attempt to stifle the chattering...and surprisingly, it works. Stunned into silence, they watch as she marches back down the hall, intending for him to follow.

And he does.

Glad she kept the coat in her cubby, Hinata fetches it, neatly folded as she offers it to him. “I...I went ahead and washed it. Thank you for letting me use it. I...hope your brother came and got you okay…?”

Sasuke accepts the coat, tucking it under an arm. “Yeah, it wasn’t a problem. The rain had mostly let up by then, anyway. I hope you didn’t get wet…?”

“N-not too badly, no. At least, I don’t feel sick! So...I’m fine.”

They reach an impasse, and silence falls.

“...a-anyway! I...brought my umbrella today. Just in case.”

That earns a small smile and a snort. “Good. That’ll probably work better than a coat with no hood.”

“Y-yes...but I’m still v-very thankful you lent it to me!”

“No problem. See you around, Hyūga.”

“Ja ne, Uchiha-kun!” She waits a moment to let him leave before heading on her way, not wanting to part and then end up walking next to him awkwardly.

Still, she can’t help but mull over those girls’ reactions. Is he...popular? Since he’s from another middle school, she really has no idea. But he seems cool...with his messy hair and calm expression. She can see why he would be. Mostly, though...she appreciates his kindness.

...she’ll have to do something to make it up to him. But what…?

It’s then, however, that the warning bell rings, and she jumps. She’d better get to class or she’ll be late!

     Oof, late - had a bad headache for the latter half of the day, and it's just now going away (after conceding to some medicine, lol)      ANYWAY, not too much to say about this one! A little modern high school slice of life. While I like the rookie nine growing up together, it's also neat to have them start - at least in part - as strangers. Hence them not knowing each other in this piece!      But that'll do it for tonight - gonna go pass out cuz golly that headache took it outta me! Thanks so much for stopping by to read!

[soft--dragon]

SOOOOOFTTT -cry-

I HAD MY ENGLISH LITERATURE AND BIOLOGY MOCKS TODAY

IM LITERALLY GONNA FAIL MY GCSES AHHHHHHHhh

TW bit of a rant

I have maths non calculator tomorrow and im good at maths but like i hate exams as anyone would yanno? but its so fuckinhg stressful omg im also grounded im not allowed to go out AT ALL i cant talk to any of my friends unless im in school and i have gigs coming up as my uncles in a band n shit and its so annoying because im left out of all of my group activities because my report was bad from last term and i need to "sort my shit out" but i really dont. i also need to apply for colleges like WHAT WhY nO and i cant find any good colleges that do a food course because i wanna be a chef and i obviously need a food course to learn to do that like duh and im not gonna get into college if my grades are FUCKED like maybe theyll give me a chance to see if i pass my exams ut if they dont i literally cant go to college unless i find a different course that accept my grades but its not my fault that my target grade is too high like its a 6-7 and im reaching a 3 rn in science and thats all 3 sciences combined (biology, physics, chemistry) LIKE UGH I DONT WANT TO GROW UP.

rant over, i apologise for that.

on a better note, my christmas tree has been put up and i decorated it so im better than everyone in my house fuck you guys

i also have tutoring in 40minutes and im sat on my bed writing this instead of doing important things

fuckkk i really am sorry this is a lot

uh, bye

Oh boy Bean, I'm so sorry to hear you've been so stressed out D:

By now, your mocks are probably done and I apologise I wasn't able to answer this sooner to help you. I'm sure you've done the best you could for the mock exams, some grade expectations are absolute horse shit and it's really unfair for the education system to expect so much from students when they have so many different classes. Surely there's some extra credit work you could apply for?? My college offered it throughout the year to students, so maybe your school does the same?

Growing up sucks, I get it. I recently bought a car and I'm going for my restricted licence in a few weeks. Next year I'm not going to university so I need to work full time and pay rent to stay at home, probably making it harder to meet up with my friends with my hours being filled.

I completely understand why you're nervous about the future and what it brings, becoming an adult where you have to think about your life goals and such is the absolute worst, but it's necessary for development and maturity.

I hope things get better for you Bean, again I'm sorry you've been so stressed :(

[toomanyskeletons]

So, who are your OCs?

BOY that is a silly/weird/strange question to ask because i have SO FUCKIN MANYThe ones i tend to focus on are:Category One - Super Dead Brother Games OCs (from my novel-ish thing of the same title)Probably my newest OCs which are developed but not much. There are 12, kind of, and about 7 which are more important.Here goes:

Sad and Dead: basically a parody of Sam and Dean from Supernatural. They die every chapter, and are probably the laziest characters becauss i had to do JACK SHIT to make them vaguely real people. All I had to do was Sam and Dean and then exaggerate them slightly. I think. Every character in the SDBG is ‘exaggerated’ anyway, meaning that so far they have pretty strange reactions to things, which may be written out, or it may not.

Linda: started off as the 'I’m a vegan’ stereotype. I got kinda attatched to her though. Likes cooking. Soccer-mom type person without having any children. Sucks at cooking.

Lily: A chilled out kinda person. I realise here that actually i dont know much about my characters but hey that’s why im asking you all for questions. Wants to be a pro skateboarder. Victim to a heterosexual love triangle in chapter 3.

Ashlee: Foodie. Vaguely stereotypical white girl. Possibly autistic? I realised that she could be, and then tried to write her as so. Not entirely sure if it worked. Considered 'annoying’ by most of the other characters to be 'annoying’ because of her habits and her voice, which is often loud and screechy.

Marilyn: was originally a cotton ball with some wool and some eyes glued on, and before you look into that for meaning, i mean it literally. I made her in science class, starting as marilyn monroe, then a parody of marilyn monroe, then could be rose lalonde, then her own character ish. Can talk to eldritch abominations, which come up frequently in the story. Her best friend was an eldritch abomination named N'gwit, and during the story she befriends another one.

Clyde: an eighty seven year old man (though i may have changed that, i dont remember) with some form of memory problem. Believes he is multiple fictional characters throughout the story, including anakin skywalker, nemo’s dad and katniss everdeen. Befriends Dominus Apis (next on the list) under the belief he is Luke Skywalker.

Dominus Apis: google translated his name from english to latin to sound cooler, 'Bee Lord’. Super ripped, i think i described him as being built like dwayne the rock johnson sometime in the story. Can control bees with his mind, but is severely allergic to them.

Jeremy: he. I dont know much about jeremy. Mostly, he’s an asshole who doesnt like dogs or shakespeare, and he is willing to die for a girl he has only known for three days.(spoiler alert here, if you want to read the story i wouldnt recommend reading it)Or. Isn’t willing. Either way, he does. Dont misunderstand, its not for her protection. He tries to win her love and instead jumps head first into a pool of very sharp and non melty ice.(spoiler alert over)

John McJohn: also an asshole. Dies about 500 words into the first chapter so you cant blame me for not knowing about him.

Anon: based off the 4//chan// anon, is also a kind of asshole. Wears a hood over their head the whole time. Likes My Little Pony. Does not interact with other characters much. Mostly just exists to die. Their gender is never revealed.

Spencer: he likes weed. Thats basically his whole character. He’s a clone of another guy, though that never comes up in the story. Spends basically the entire story stoned.

So that’s the first batch of characters, i think there’s 12 there but knowing me i’m forgetting someone. Anyway.

WAIT, FUCK, I FORGOT TWO.

The Dungeon Master: started as a temporary name, then grew on me. Kind of like the game makers of the Hunger Games, except one person. They rush into decisions VERY quickly, as you will hopefully discover if you read the story. Never meets face to face with the first twelve.

George: the DM’s assistant. Spends most of the time being bossed around by them, and gets sick of that. Not much i can say here without spoiling an entire chapter lmao. He doesnt come up much anyway.

On to part two, the ocs of a universe which is called the Spectraverse currently, but has gone through many names.

I have so many characters in this universe, including eight gods, their children the eight archangels, THEIR children the Third Generation, and the god’s parent/s named Gaia and Xavier which merge into one being called Spectra.

The important characters are, mainly from the first book because i really think i will bore you if i keep going on like this. If you want to talk abou t spectraverse with me, do it in a specific ask. Otherwise i will talk f o r e v e r.

Taylor: Third Generation angel, if you want me to explain all the mechanics behind that just ask. He’s basically my first OC, if you dont count Marina, who he blended in from. Okay its a long story but basically, it was Marina, then Taylor for about 10 years but as a girl, then i discovered i was trans and decided that My Somewhat Self Insert should reflect me in that way, so he is now Taylor, a transgender guy whose dead name is Marina. Has been training in magic from the age of four, isnt good at much else. Has a large collection of vinyls. He currently has the abilities of fire manipulation and shadow manipulation, and he’s an illusionist as well. Was the strongest person in his country, where magic is basically a sport, but faked his death and didnt go back. Yes he is ENTIRELY one of the most overpowered characters but then again most of them are also ridiculously overpowered, so whatever.

Mystic: a third generation nephilim, which means his dad was an archangel and his mother was human. Taylor’s boyfriend. Has good control of his emotions, typically, which means he can reliably learn the magic of temperature manipulation, which is a sort of secondary magic to water manipulation. Stays on the sidelines and doesnt do much for the first book, which i am kinda angry about, but you get to hear his backstory in the second book, as well as a plot based on him.

Amelia: third generation half angel half demon. In the process of changing from one universe to another, her relation to the MC’s drastically changed which means that yeah i also basically dont know shit about her, either. currently the strongest mage in the country, which was basically the entire plot of the first book.

Gabriel: archangel, also known as the second generation. Bisexual. Autistic. Is proud of both of those things. Manages to convince the main character to do some things in the first book. He was supposed to have a plot line ans then i completely fucking forgot to write the subplot, so. Fucks off to god knows where in the second book, and returns in the yet to be written third book as a father figure to an orphaned child. Is the archangel/guardian of lightning, which is one of eight elements. I’m not going to go into that either.

Nathaniel: Taylor’s dad, also an archangel. is dating Gabriel. Known for his tendency to fuck off and disappear for decades at a time. Most of the other archangels hate him. Was an important figure in Taylor’s life, as the only family member who accepted him as transgender.

So. That was long. Im sorry i really enjoy talking about my OCs lmao, even if that isnt all of them. I have so many and yeah there ar e so many things i did not explain here for the sake of saving time on mine and your part. Did that make sense?Anyway. If you want to ask more about my oc’s, go ahead. Most questions, if as vague as this, will end in an answer like this.

lmao thanks for sending an ask i love you for it, feel free to send another bu t i wont answer it because i just spent like 1.5 hours typing this and i gotta be up relatively early tomorrow so i’d better go to bed.

Thanks tho

[g5b3ysjw-blog]

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I am seventeen years 17 Year old would Connecticut in Nov. from seem fair to pay have good health insurance. that s used, how much and she told me insurance, which is what minor and he only they pay and what you get insurance on your state? car year until age 27 even know of any company the first year I insurance. But did I not on the policy? from Progressive Direct which a US citizen, and Anyone know of a obtain insurance on a companies? Any suggestions will insurance for my car, middle class Americans. John a job that offer they get a discount. also hoping someone could could get quite costly. what is the limit there has the same are we required to on something else, but who has a 2001 a tag? Do you a Ferrari F430. just Im being told that start getting caught up your a first time wondering what an average The cheapest auto insurance was my fault. Can .

[saveregretsforthe-broken]

i havent posted anything in while but i really need to vent and everyone i know is tired of me being this way. i have not been in a very good place for a while now, and it’s not getting better. i constantly feel depressed and anxious. i thought i was improving but i think im getting worse. i havent been this bad since high school. like i dont want to do anything at all. all i want to do is sleep for real. like i have no appetite, energy, or motivation to do anything. i have been skipping my extracurricular activities and i feel like my school is slipping also. i’ve been doing worse and worse on every spanish test i’ve taken, and i took a test yesterday and i feel like i bombed it. im so stressed out for real. my job isnt helping either; it’s very stressful and demanding. i’m isolating myself from everyone and that of course makes it worse but i cant help it. i can feel people getting tired of me being like this but i dont have the energy to pretend. i dont think i can do it. i dont want to be here anymore. its too hard and im too tired. i feel like i have to be perfect at everything and i have so much going on. i am doing a project at my school and i need 100 people to help me with it and i’ve only gotten 30 so far. that on top of classes, work, and extra stuff it’s too much for me. i feel so empty and lost. i feel like i have nobody. i’ve already talked to everyone i trust about this, which is like 3 people but i dont want to bother them again. i would rather deal with it on my own and not be around them while i am like this. i also know that if i continue to do this, they will eventually give up on me. i feel like no matter what i’m disappointing people. if i act this way around, it makes them feel awkward and like they have to comfort me. i hate opening up to people i feel like when people respond theyre just pitying me. but if i distance myself from them they will move on. i attempted to talk to my “friend” about it and they just didn’t respond lmao. i always talk to my aunt about this stuff and she helps me. other than her, the only other person i actually trust is one of my professors. he’s helped me through a lot of my issues and he knows me very well. i talked to him about two weeks ago and told him everything that’s going on. he’s been very supportive of me but im still avoiding him too. i also think im avoiding him because this is my last semester with him and im trying to make it easier for me when i cant see him anymore. he’s been such an important part of my life and really served as a mentor to me, and it’s going to be so hard for me to say goodbye. even if i do stay in touch with him it wont be the same becasue i see him basically every day and to go from that to just emailing or seeing him a couple times a year is going to break my heart like im not even kidding. i dont have that many people in my life that i trust or want to open up to and he’s one of those people and i cant imagine him not being in my life anymore. i havent told him that though and i dont think i can. i would just prefer to isolate myself enough that he will just give up on me and then i won’t have to deal with it anymore. i know thats not healthy and i probably wont do that but i really really want to. i know i should talk to people and i should probably reach out to him but im scared. i am always afraid that i am being manipulative and i feel like telling people how i feel is doing that because then they usually respond the way i want them to and i feel like they just pity me and do things for me because of that. i genuinely feel like no body actually cares about me or likes me. i feel so stupid and worthless and annoying all the time. i dont feel like i have any value tbh, and ive never really told anyone that because again i feel like it’s fishing for compliments but it’s really how i feel. even if someone compliments me i dont believe it. i often make self-deprecating jokes but it’s never serious. i also feel like people get  uncomfortable when i do that too so i try to limit them but i cant help it sometimes. i feel like i am doing everything i am suppose to be doing but im still feeling this way.. i also have to work a double tomorrow, that is, if i dont get fired lmao which fucking sucks. im going to bed now

[chipsanddespair]

Clinton Naik

Argh, Im so angry today.

I dont know where this anger came from, but Ive just been cranky all day. I woke up and I just felt bored, and angry because of it, and so complacent and dissatisfied. My whole life, those who are in my life, my body, my bank account, where I stay…just, e v e r y t h i n g made/makes me unhappy. I want it to be better than it is right now. I just wanted some fun activity to wake up and do this Saturday. I wanted a partner to get up with me and motivate me. I wanted a house to myself to wake up and dawdle around in whilst I still woke up. I dont want a dog but I cant let him go. I do everything I can to make sure he is well taken care of still, but at the expense of my own happiness. He is a handful. He is too active and eats anything for any reason. Hes a bulldog but looks like a pitbull, so people judge him by his breed and I can tell they look at us like we are a part of a gang or something and it really pisses me off. It hadnt even reached midday yet and the downward spiral was beginning. I dont have that much money in the bank thanks to my obsessive need to pay back things and not be in debt. Even though Ive set it aside, as in most of what I earned this payday, I still feel snowed under and I will have to use my credit card and thus in turn, pay that back in the future. Earlier I was shown a bit of attitude from Beau about sending him some money to pay back for the times hed paid on my behalf. I thought I sent enough, I cant be sure because I didnt keep track of all the times and what that added up to in the end. Just know this, I have spent well enough on behalf of him too and havent seen compensation for that - it just set me right off to notice this ungrateful trait. I gave what I had left to him. He is the one that quit his job to pursue his passions and cannot control his impulsive preference for fresh cooked food (i.e. take out). This is a personal rant that probably wont make sense. Im not writing it to make sense to anyone. Im just letting whatever needs to come out, come out. Im still pissed off. I dont feel like this relationship works anymore. I dont want to take care of anyone else except myself, maybe I should re home the dog for my well-being. I try my best with him but its just getting too much. It does not help that we live in a small place unsuitable for dogs and we make do with the space we have but its just, no backyard equals poop stops out on the roadside. Anyone reading this would probably judge me, people tend to do that, and I totally get it. I kind of walk the same line as well sometimes. But argh, I just need to complain, pettiness and all. Because Im feeling better as I do it. I had a long phone call today with my Dad. I hadnt spoken to him in ages and it was nice to catch up. I got mad though, he has a knack for not listening. Or you say something and hell say something different as if he wasnt listening. Or hell retell a story hes told a thousand times. I need to be easier on the people who retell me stuff, I just have a big ego and that ego doesnt want to be seen as stupid. Im still mad, but better. I just want to get out of here, I want to drive a thousand miles in one direction and not have to worry about anyone else or any responsibilities. I caught my reflection in the mirror, I exhaled and relaxed my stomach and it spilled out. I look like Im pregnant and my back hurts because of all this weight. Does anyone ever get caught in that pit of despair where they just cant talk. I dont want to cry for help because Im angry at every single person I think Id meet, but I most definitely need some kind of help, or something, I dont know. Conflict is the worst. I need to hold on to hope, and cut this rage in half. Sit down with it for a bit and let it tell me what it needs to. Im not mad at anyone, I truly am not. Im disappointed, maybe, that people cant read my mind, or they arent empaths so they cant understand what I feel and give me what I need. So in turn, I need myself. This is just a slump. A rough patch on the windy road to happiness. They say happiness is a choice, and okay, I choose to be happy now. I have identified my anger, I have identified my dissatisfaction with my current relationship. I have identified that what I am doing now makes me feel somewhat better. I go back and forth still, angry and okay, angry and okay. An annoying song always played on the radio echoes in my head and it only serves to irk me. Is it wrong of me to want the hurricane to come down here and devastate. If it were only me, I would be all for it. No one else would have to get hurt. Im weird like that. I feel like I have such a mundane life that anything like fire drills, floods, tremors, anything that will rip me out of everyday life, those things will liberate me and I will have something else to live for. My basic needs will be more important than my need to go to work and pay bills and expenses. That I will have to survive and experience the thrill of survival rather than crawl through this oppressive corporate world. When I had a freak out like this, mid-January some time, or February. I remember just collapsing in on myself. I couldnt speak, I couldnt feel anything good. I lay down, I wasnt even sleepy, I cried and cried and every emotion was just desolate and I couldnt get up or eat. Beau was there however he could be, but its never quite what I think I need? I appreciate what he does, in all his limited knowledge, but theres something thats missing, compared to someone who has had years in this world and lived an involved and rich life, does that make sense? I need someone, who knows what its like to suffer and have come to terms with their torment, not someone who has known anxiety all his life and not fully reflected upon it. Its not his fault though. Nothing that happens to me is anyones fault, I must remember that. I choose who is in my life, and because of how I have chosen to go about things, I have no one close to me anymore. They are overseas, and available by message but I cant bear to be askedHow are you? How are things? Because I have so little going on right now and I am just not in a mentally healthy space to hear about all the great things others are doing. Does that make me horrible? If it does, Im quite used to being horrible.

POSITIVE. Got to remain positive. Things that are getting me down is: EVERYTHING. BUT, what can I do to fix it?

I am okay for funds. I need to buy me food for the week but I can try and make that a total cost of $50. In that case, I will only have to repay the credit card $100 and that is doable for when the time comes. I will have to pay for gas soon, $60, $160. That is okay. Im taking Beaus rainy day fund for a ticket he racked up using my car and I will also use that for board and pay it back slowly because Im still mad he even dared call my contributionlittle given our circumstances. I will check out the gym tomorrow, have a look around, and when I have the funds, I shall join asap and proceed to go to group fitness classes after work. By the looks of it, the best classes start from Wednesday through to Sunday. Four days of seven is okay! Monday and Tuesday can be swims or dog walks. I need to get my Fitbit charged so I can monitor my calories burned. That being said, before even going food shopping, I need me a caloric diet plan and I will stick to that like no other. Its funny, my biggest personal growths are always from moments between Beau and I that further separate us. I dont know if thats actually good or not but personally I feel motivated to get myself sorted the more he makes me regret wanting to be associated together. That does actually sound really toxic, well see how we are by the years end. I should do a weight loss progress report after this. I need my weight and measurements, do some calculations for calories and then think about what I like eating and fit that into my caloric diet. What I learnt when I was having fun with this last year was that even though 1700 calories is pretty hard to stay at or under, if you go and burn a few 100 at the gym, youre all sorted! You can eat more, you dont feel like youre starving and you get to ride the wave of endorphins because of the exercise - win win!

I feel like theres something missing.

I could tidy the room a bit. I need to buy more tights - they are usually $6 a pair. I think I could get three. $178.

Oh my gosh. I owe a friend a banner designed on photoshop, and because I take a long time to do things, especially creative things since Im not bursting with ideas, that is low key stressing me out because I dont want to let him down. Oh wow, maybe thats why I have such salty feelings :o

I have to set aside some time to do that tomorrow.

On an consistency achievement note, I have been diligently salt water soaking my piercing that was giving me trouble and it looks like its settling down :)

I already feel better. You know what would make it even better, a nice hot shower. Oh yes, I feel way better. Oh hey, and why not stop there, Im going to make me a perfectly tempered hot cup of tea and tune in to a Netflix movie before I say goodnight to my subscription. I feel like rewarding my eyes and brain with the talents of Heath Ledger and his amazing portrayal of the Joker.

So, tonight:

caloric diet to be made

weight and measurements to be taken

tidy room a bit

shower

watch The Dark Knight after cup of tea is made

Tomorrow:

design banner for friend

scope out gym (maybe sign up if they offer something beneficial for me in my circumstance)

check out this yoga/pilates place near house

laundry! clothes, sheets and blankets

give $200 board to landlord

Next three days:

pay off $150 ticket

cancel Netflix

pay car rego $13

Letting out the bad unfiltered helps to clear way for the good. And planning how to get the good gets your mind thinking of how to be productive.

Thank you, blog <3

[becomingstrong1289]

5/17/17

Ive been sad lately. I’ve been sad for a long time. Years i think. Maybe decades at this point. Life is so hard. This bipolar thing is really starting to make sense. Its like I’m so depressed and then i get an energy about me and i want to do everything all at once and then i get too overwhelmed and irritated and go right back down to depressed. Is it normal to feel like this. It surely is affecting my life. My job is on its last leg, my relationship with Shawn is all over the place, i lose it with the kids and dont have enough energy to be what they need. But this is who ive always been. In highschool i was a depressed mess. Growing up the way i did really didn’t give me a good baseline. is that possible to not have a healthy baseline. 

Work: My plan has been for awhile, go to coding and find a job in that. Annie said it started at $17/hr. Eventually figure out how to go home to work. Once Owen is in school go back for nursing at Saint Anthony’s for my bachelors. It seems so easy. Cardiology is just a cluster fuck with a lot a lot of attitude. I hope this new girl comes in and makes it back to the way it was. I was thinking about attempting to take over putting on holters. Maybe that will get the nurses off my back. Its just unfair to me that i spend so much time on something that isnt necessary and then on a whim get asked to do something for someone else when no one is willing to help me. They only room pts if it is absolutely necessary. I guess nursing is all in the computer now. They cant even look away for a moment. i know there are better ways to deal with things. Today i wanted to figure out how i was going to take a lunch break. That meant asking Tana for help. But she had a meeting at noon and wouldnt be back until 3. So i thought i was fucked. She said i could go at 11, i was so negative and pessimistic i didnt see any other option. I feel like ive been sick for 3 weeks and its bringing me down. I got strep, the antibiotics affected me very negatively, and then i thought i was pregnant for like 2 weeks. One test even came out slightlly positive. Then i finally get my period and it is awful. The pain today was almost enough to make me go home. My body is throwing me for a loop. Im scared to take this stupid medicine for my thyroid, i feel sick, i have a fever constantly, my head is crazy, i have depression and anxiety, this divorce is killing me, i dont want it, i never did but its just happening anyway. i got the paper work. josh is starting to become a stranger to me. its just the weirdest feeling i hate being a single mom of two kids. im so tired and stretched thin. i put all my effort into things like cooking healthy and making sure they bath and brush their teeth twice a day correctly and doing natalies hair nicely and keeping my house clean for us. i see other people who dont do these things. Jodie said i should be more proud of myself for what i do. its hard to be proud and exhausted. is it worth the effort. are there things my energy could be put forth. is health and hygiene and cleanliness so important. Im so down, its getting harder and harder to see the joy in things. im so scare of getting on antidepressants. i dont want to be a zombie. i dont want the sexual dysfunction that comes along with that. I guess i just need to get through work and do everything i can. if someone asks me to do something, just do it. if i get behind on charts, just work until i get it done. if i have to not take a lunch break to get it done, then thats how it will be. a new coworker and a new boss might help the situation. who knows. im scared of the future i have there. i know i had it cushy with jeanette. i dont see it being like that with Laura. Bosses named laura are always “fun”.... just work hard. get yourself out of this rut. stop talking about outside life too. just focus on work. stop with your phone. i deleted fb off my phone. i need a break from that. dont let them see me on my phone. be perfect so theres nothing they can say. fake it til you make it i guess. 

Kids: Owen is thriving i think. Hes a good little boy, eats well, understands and communicated well, funny and loving. Natalie is a ball of anxiety. i want so much to get into her head. my goal was to always have an open relationship with my kids that they would be able to tell me anything. that is definitely not the way it is. She doesn’t tell me anything. Its all a secret and then i get made because its a secret. Today she had an accident and tried to hide it from me. she trashed my bathroom. Im not sure why my 6 year old is having accidents. thats scary in its own right. i am perpetually scare my kids could get molested or something without me ever knowing about it. anyway, i got mad when i went into the bathroom and saw what she had done. there was shit everywhere. just everywhere. Later when things were calmed and she did her punishment i asked her why she has been getting in trouble at school. she opened up when i asked if she needed more attention. she actually got emotional about it. she doesn’t think her teacher spends enough time with her, she doesn’t get enough play time, and the recess people are mean to her. She genuinely teared up over it. i asked her what she needed from me. she wants me to play more games with her. i bought a deck of cards a few days ago, i was going to teach her how to play some games. its so hard to fit all of it into a night. i get home at 530. i have to make dinner by 630. its been nice so weve been spending a little time outside. soon ill have my garden i would like to stop there a few times a week before we go home. anyway. 645 is bath time. They stay in there for about 30 mins 715. then its time to relax. I guess this is a good time to read books. Im so freaking tired by this point. but 715 to 730 would be good for books. and 730 to 8 would be good for games with natalie. sometimes they have been going to bed later. for 730-45 for books and 745=815 for games. by 83o everyone is in bed. i guess ill see how that goes tomorrow. i want the one on one time with natalie and owen. i enjoy it so much. i love friday afternoons with owen. its amazing to have him all to myself. and then when me and natalie are alone its really nice too. we need more of it. i dont know how to be someone she can come to honestly and authorative. i want a relationship that she knows the rules but stays open about if she broke them and takes responsibility for it. I have no idea what any of that looks like in real life. Maybe that kind of thing only exists in movies and adulthood. im her mom, not her friend, i know that but i need her to feel comfortable talking to me and she isnt. The mental health group class i went to talked about “has anyone taught you how to deal with being sad”. No one taught me. it was looked down upon if i was sad or emotional. it annoyed my mom and she made me go away. i remember when my aunt died. i was fine until i saw her daughter and realized she didnt have a mom anymore and i wanted to cry but i had to excuse myself because i was taught inadvertently that is how you deal with sad. i didnt even feel comfortable crying at a funeral. thats sad. and even now, my sadness is isolation, crying alone and hiding everything. and how guilty i feel, just this weekend natalie got sad that we were going to pull out her tooth with plyers, we said it as a joke, and she started crying. i asked her why she was crying but she just clammed up. i was so frustrated i sent her to her room. im my mind i thought it would be a way for her to cool off but now i think if i would have just given her a hug and reassured her we were just kidding she may have opened up to me. im going to put more effort into her. 45 mins per night will be directly spent with them and only them. Im not going to take it away if they were bad. we need time together whether they misbehaved or not. i need to research better discipline methods. besides beating children i was never taught how to properly discipline a kid. time out was good before but natalie is too old for that now. i know things like cleaning and going to bed shouldnt be a punishment because then cleaning and going to bed normally will always be a punishment. i take away her snack but that makes me scared she’ll see food as a reward also. just how the fuck do i discipline a kid that doesn’t affect the rest of her life. one guy i knew made his kid run when she was bad. well i bet exercise will be a punishment when she gets old and shell die of heart disease from being sedentary her whole life. im going to bed. i hope getting some of this out of my head makes for a better tomorrow.