#i also believe that they are some flavor of trans and queer

[coff-in]

i love my little guys, they all have a place in my head and heart.

this is another tcoaal oc, however they're more flexiable than my other one's when it comes to their role? they can either be a sibling or a kid of andrew and ashley (not decided and can go either way in my head).

their name is just a. graves for now (i sometimes call them andromeda), and they insist on not being called anthony... that is a different person. they're a introverted person and a NEET, they're always at home reading a book and listening to music in their bedroom. they do not want to meet new people or make new friends, they're perfectly content with just their family.

they weren't always so doom and gloom! they were pretty jovial and hopeful when they were a young lad, excited to grow up and do all sorts of cool stuff! they would maybe be a cook, or an astronaut, or a firefighter... but that was then, and now they've just sort of given up. it doesn't really matter what they are in the end, does it?

if i had to write them with my other graves sibling ocs, they'd be twins with aria (both are the youngest/18 years old in my head) and share their heterochromia (aria has a pink right eye and green left eye, a. has a green left eye and a pink right eye)

a mutual in the tags said that they look like andrew! this was on purpose at first when they were younger but overtime they decided to just let their hair grow out more. they do get mistaken for andrew sometimes at school and they do not like it (they don't necessarily hate it though)

(the playlist is just songs that i think fit them or that they'd like, they do not fit the time period though (late 1990's/early 2000's) so please keep that in mind)

that's all for now :3

[drchucktingle]

What flavor of queer are you, if that's not too invasive of a question?

question is just fine with chuck it is kind of interesting story.

on LGBTQIA trot i am TECHNICALLY two letters

easy first one is B that does not need any more explanation. that has always been my trot

second way is what i have learned through talkin with my online buds way of non-dysphoric trans. it has taken chuck LONG time to understand this but it has been fruitful journey i think. long ago chuck would post online about becoming other people or things or concepts or wrestling with my IDENTITY as a buckaroo (whether that meant becoming sweet barbara or becoming my reverse twin or becoming the entire seahawks footballs team, very handsome). in fitting with my entire heckin LIFE some buds probably thought these were jokes when they were not at all. they were just personal artistic bubbles tumbling up and popping in ways i didnt understand yet.

but through posting these thoughts and THEN writing trans tinglers and talking to my trans buds online, i started to realize there are all kinds of versions of a trans identity INCLUDING the ones that rolled around deep inside of me that i never had a name for.

three events helped chuck understand this

first: the trans buds chuck talked to while researching harriet porber said 'well i always knew if i could press a button and change my body to match my gender i would instantly do this' and chuck thought 'of course woudlnt we all do this?' and they said 'well no, do you feel this way?' and i would say 'yes very strongly'. i will FOREVER be grateful to trans community for these conversations and maybe it is another reason why being anti-gatekeeping is so important to chuck.

second: thought about all the games i have ever played like a dang videogame or a role playing game, chuck would ALWAYS choose ladybuck character. didnt really think this was a unique thing at time but it is a pattern across whole life

third: chuck was trotting around with some buds and they all said 'whose bod would you choose if you could transform into any body?' (this is common topic for chuck believe it or not.) and the buckaroo guys went around naming the usual brats pitt or handsome channing and it got to chuck and i said 'obviously brie larson' and then the dang guys just kind of stared at chuck and then i realized 'oh, i didnt even think my answer was unusual but i guess they were only talkin guy bods'

these three things happened pretty close to one another but they were all bubbling up for decades and expressed in various ways even chuck did not entirely understand

anyway. chucks way is NOT that i feel uncomfortable in my body and it does not bring me grief. i am not upset about it honestly. i do not even THINK about it most days. however, it is all TRUE and in a purely technical and utilitarian sense of A PLUS B then YES, male would not be my preferred gender.

didnt talk on this for a while because there are MANY dysphoric trans buckaroos who go through a lot of hardships and i have gone through ABSOLUTELY NONE IN THIS WAY. it has not made my life more difficult and it does not haunt me, so i do not want to have my voice drown out other trans buds who need space to shout. i am very privileged so even though technically this applies to chuck i do not need or want any bonus points.

that beings said, part of my journey on the autistic spectrum was to recognize that EVEN THOUGH my personal story is not tragic, it is still an important one to get out there onto this timeline. IN FACT there should be more stories of buckaroos who love being autistic like chuck. i am PROUD of my trot and i love my autism (this is also why i wanted to explicitly say my lead character in camp damascus is autistic)

so in the same way, when directly asked, i will say: i am technically non-dysphoric trans ALSO this has not weighed on my life at all. my story is not tragic it is full of joy and excitement. i will not shy away from this because there are all kinds of buckaroos on this spectrum.

anyway that is my VERY LONG TROT hope you enjoyed getting to know chuck a little more thank you for this question buckaroo

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

It's like if you don't like erotica go read smth else??

respectfully I agree with you broadly but also feel like this is missing the point of why, specifically, the lovely people I've been corresponding with today are so opposed to so-called "dark romances"

when you make something a moral panic you can't just look away and do something else. if you look at some of the people responding to my post, they genuinely and sincerely believe that dark romance poses a tangible, real threat to people (namely women) by convincing them to accept and emulate the dangerous and abusive dynamics they read about.

an apt comparison may be the frequent glib retort to opponents of gay marriage: "if you don't like it, don't get gay married!" it's a decent goof, sure, but the thing is that many of these people don't just think gay marriage is gross, they think it's a very literal threat to the moral fabric of society. in particular, many anti-queer bigots sincerely believe that many children who would otherwise be good, normal members of cishet society are tricked or groomed into being queer, whether by sexually abusive adults (there's a LONG history of gay men being seen as targeting young boys this way, in particular) or cartoons with queer characters or by strangers on the internet pressuring them to trans their genders. these bigots can't just ignore gay and trans people and mind their own business, because to do so is to ignore a real, horrific danger to children and society right under their noses. they're wrong, obviously, but that's what they genuinely believe.

this particular flavor of anti-dark romance girlies are on the same thing: no, the fiction is not just fiction, and is actively making vulnerable and suggestive women more susceptible to accepting abusive behavior. they can't just read something else and leave women who enjoy those romances alone, because those women are endangering themselves and they have a moral obligation to say something about it.

which, again, isn't true, but you have to understand that some people are engaging with this one a MUCH different level than just "these books aren't to my personal taste."

[coyoteprince]

Some thoughts on the masculine side of my gender experience and how it ties into vulnerability

I am nonbinary, I believe some flavor of fluid, but I just read as a goth cis woman to the layperson. That's fine and good, there is a safety and privilege in being stealth even with the alternative way I dress, but there also feels like a safe with something precious I keep locked away in me.

I take comfort in referring to myself as a "woman with a man's personality" and likening myself to a kelpie or nymph: beautiful, soft, but merely a vision of a woman: in reality underneath the gossamer, a beast that fails man's words.

Occasionally, something stirs to life in me, similar but different: those feelings of masculinity. I am naturally positioned by my genes (I can grow a shitty sparse beard) and temperament to have some secondary features- but thats it.

And yet, when the pangs of longing ache, they come on suddenly and harsh and I feel trapped.

There is nothing I can truly do to feel comfortable with the swing of identity. Only shapeshifiting back and forth could satisfy me which is impossible. Yes, I could seek hormones or surgery, but I have decided for now to not for a variety of reasons. As part of that, I've always been rather... defensive and secretive about the masculine part of my identity. I have a secondary masculine name I only allow people I trust to call me, and this dumb tumblr post is the first time I'm admitting some rather personal things to the public eye.

I'm well aware today many won't respect the nature of my gender just because I am a ~nonbinary girl~ and not seeking permanent transition, but even before that the thought of being trans was too much for me.

The first time I realized I was trans I wasn't older than 15 and noticed the thoughts I was experiencing about wanting to feel like a boy. It frightened me so bad that I vowed to never give it attention again specifically because I already knew I was queer, mentally different, being abused, and "didn't need another target on my back". Haha. Hahaha

Ignoring those thoughts hasn't been too hard except when I see the ghost of my identity. Then it is overwhelming, like a wave crashing over me and threatening to sweep me into the tide. Painful and exhilarating all at once. Before I know it, it's gone again.

I read and watched The Outsiders in middleschool, as did many. I latched onto Johnny, a greaser kid with an abusive family who tried to play tough but was really just an incredibly scared, sweet runt. I couldn't for the life of me figure out why I identified so hard with him but hindsight is 20/20. Despite the hamminess of Outsiders, I continue to hold a fondness.

Later, when I became comfortable with my nonbinary ID (something that was quite difficult for me) and an adult, I saw another ghost. A theme now set: soft hearted greasers. The first time I heard this I curled up and couldn't stop replaying it even though it made my chest ache.

Finally, the last ghost I've seen and what really made it all click for me was Izzy.

I was neutral of Izzy for the first season (sorry my old man fucker peers), but seeing him become disabled and starting to soften made me intrigued. Then, the drag scene and him singing: I yelped in excitement, bewilderment, and bawled like never before. It was the most intense gender euphoria I've ever felt. Izzy shot to the top of my favorite characters ever in an instant with all he grew to embody.

I guess I identify with boys clad in leather, forced to become rugged in all the wrong ways. Underneath, a natural softness terrified but desperate to show itself.

You can see this in Waite, too: A handsome, dark man who is oh so soft underneath. It's no secret that in my story over time he accepts his nonbinary identity and allows his truth to be seen framed by carnations and frill. Perhaps he is what I wish I was.

On the other hand, Degare is somewhat closer to my reality. A gender all his own, effeminant masculine mannerisms, fairly feminine dress, breasts and vagina and all- though he is still often more masculine than how I present. In contrast to Waite's uneasy fear of judgement, he tries to guard his natural softness rather aggressively out of fear of being taken advantage of.

I'm sure to many reading this I sound like a transmasc "egg" that hasn't cracked yet. To others, very mentally ill. Maybe to some who are fluid, they know the wish-washy feelings.

Either way, I'm a proud freak and I've worked hard to not allow others to hold power over how I view myself anymore. These past 4 years through a cocktail of treatments (though meditation and practice have been the biggest game changers) I've diligently learned how to balance being openly loving to all and authentic- yet protecting my energy and staying sure of my identity no matter another's opinion. Misery loves company and bitter, paranoid gossips and I no longer get along.

Softness, kindness, vulnerability for others and yourself are all difficult, at times seemingly impossible things to achieve when you come from a harsh upbringing and live in a world bombarded by bad news. Change in your view and behavior is excrusiating. But I believe striving for authenticity and love is the most important thing we can do as humans in this life.

Whether I end up transitioning down the line or staying as I am, I've learned to cherish these flashes of masculine desire and be empowered by vulnerability- and I don't regret it.

[arotaro]

I love voidpunk but I’m also curious about if there are any guidelines or rules, like what things are allowed and what things aren’t? /genq sorry if you’ve answered this before or answered something similar and I missed it I’m not super pro at finding stuff 😭 also double sorry if it’s an offensive question to ask. I’m genuinely not trying to offend you I’m just trying to learn more and since I’m kind of a baby queer I want to make sure the words I use fit me.

You can check the voidpunk tag on my blog, since I have talked about it before, but I'll go over some quick points:

There is no "requirement" for participating in voidpunk. Anyone who tells you "oh, only such-and-such group can be voidpunk" or anything along those lines is lying. HOWEVER:

The "punk" part of voidpunk is not there for no reason. It is tied to the punk subculture and it's best to have a general understanding of this subculture before participating in voidpunk. Also, voidpunk is specifically a reaction to dehumanization, and it's important to understand that certain people experience this more than others. People of color get dehumanized. Disabled people get dehumanized. People with personality disorders get dehumanized. Trans people get dehumanized. Aspecs get dehumanized. etc. etc. We are here to call attention to and take power away from this, not to be niceys about it. I left the voidpunk subreddit and its associated Discord server because it was full of entitled white cunts who acted like they couldn't possibly be racist because they were autistic or some shit and I was being sooooo mean and disruptive for asking them not to be blatantly racist, and I just want to make it clear that if this had been a real life social group and not an online space, I would have knocked their teeth out. Understand? That said, you don't have to be every oppressed minority ever to participate in voidpunk- you just have to be respectful and willing to listen.

One misconception I see very often is that voidpunk is some sort of personal identity along the lines of otherkin, etc. This is not true. Voidpunk is an aesthetic and philosophy, NOT about genuinely believing yourself to be inhuman. There certainly may be people who identify as both voidpunk and otherkin, or what have you, and that's fine! That's cool! I love those people. But they're not synonymous and should not be treated as such. You don't assume I'm really a vampire because I'm goth, right?

Also, the "void" part of voidpunk doesn't really mean anything. Genuinely, it was chosen because it sounds cool. I think another misconception I see sometimes is that voidpunk specifically is about like, literal voids or shadows or black holes or space or something, which is not true. It's kinda whatever. There are as many flavors of voidpunk as there are blue guys in the X-Men.

Have fun!

[eveningrelics]

This pride month, here is a reminder to the younger queer people out there or anyone who apparently needs the refresher:

Games that depict transphobia and homophobia realistically are not bad.

Games that refuse to pull punches when dealing with triggering material are not inherently bad.

My name is Robin. I am nonbinary, 32, game dev sensitivity reader and script editor for multiple titles, but today we're talking about one dear to my heart:

Mare is an RPGMaker Horror game about trauma.

It is covered in trigger warnings and tells you each of them extensively. On the game page, when you start. And in the read me.

Horror games about trauma will depict trauma. Feels self explanatory, no?

Well, last night, someone went across my sister's social media pages, telling her to die, because she depicted transphobia in the game.

Some major spoilers, but they'll be brief.

At the climax of the game, the Pov shifts to show that the events of the game transpired due to a suicide attempt by a transwoman named Chiyo.

In this brief gameplay segment, you have the option to interact with her PC where you can see online hate she has received, one of which is "a tranny is still a tranny".

This segment was co-written by myself and fully vetted and approved unanimously by all of us, a team composing of multiple queer and trans individuals. We are all horror fans and the realistic depiction of our struggles and the abuse we face was cathartic, but as a result, we also made it clear to not interact with the game if you could not handle heavy subject matter.

This was, ironically, the tamest version of the scene I suggested but the best one, I believe.

I should note, this scene is five hours in. After multiple child deaths, suicides, abuse, etc.

But someone came to my sister, @zmakesgames and told her she should die for including a Trans main character and portraying that they deal with transphobia.

This is not okay.

If you don’t find this type of media cathartic, that's okay, but you don't have the right to police those of use who do, especially when it's coming from an ally inspired in part by listening to the struggles of her older sibling and friends and trying to help give them a voice.

If you can not handle triggering content in your media, do not engage with media that contains those triggers, but it is never, ever acceptable to stalk or tell a dev to kill themselves because you willingly engaged with media you knew would be harmful to yourself.

If you got through this, hi, @zmakesgames is the kindest person I know and all her games are a flavor of rainbow because she is also a lesbian. Please support your queer game devs this June and all year.

Thanks.

[citizensun]

Queerness and the House of Usher (spoilers!)

See I just added these Thoughts to the tags in @quecksilvereyes 's post but now I have Feelings too

TFotHoU (or HoU, as I will refer to it here), as expected from a Mike Flannagan show, has a bunch of Queer Rep™ to talk about. HoU is, also, about remarkably evil people - amoral capitalists who'll step over anyone if it means they'll get something from it. And look! Some of them are queer! Kinky too!

That's bad queer representation... right?

The show isn't that clear when stablishing sexualities, but we see that at least three of the Usher kids - Napoleon, Camille and Victorine - have same sex SOs/assistants with curious job descriptions. Prospero's taste for orgies probably implies queerness too, but honestly I don't remember if he gets it going with any guys in the story. I honestly have no idea about Tamerlane's voyerism thingie and Frederick is the only one with a "traditional family" going on.

Unrelated, but: Leo is definitely cheating on his bf Julius. Completely dismissing about his worries for him too. And for his cat. That's objectively evil, clearly. Vic literally killed her fiancée Alessandra, though she didn't stuff her under the floorboard, which is an L when compared to Poe's original. Cam doesn't believe in true love. Perry blackmailed his sister in law. Mean. He's also got a surprisingly high kill count for the family's disappointment, but since unlike Roderick he only killed rich people, we stan. I don't belong in Kinky spaces so I haven't got a big take on Tammie, only that - well, she's completely dismissing of her husband and sees him as a prop, just like the sex worker she hires.

Huh.

See, the nature of a story called "the fall of X family" is that X family is going to be the main character. The title kinda implies that they're falling for a reason, ergo, they're despicable fucking people. And they're queer! They're very queer. Many flavors of gay. They're the main characters, and they're monsters, and they're gay.

No, that's not bad rep.

Queerness as a movement, a community and a theory is very focused on scaping a cisheteronormative society's binaries (ie man/woman, husband/wife, public/private) and creating living conditions to those who fall outside of these categories - mlms and wlws, the trans, the nbs, the aros and aces... we are all queer, strange and estranged from this weird and limited worldview. And so we create a community for ourselves. It's very focused on care and anti-stablishment. Since a cisheteronormative society tends to be very white, rich and western, it's also focuses on anti-racism, anti-capitalism, anti-imperialism. Y'all know that, this is Tumblr and we love leftist Discourse.

I also know many, many gay people irl who are not like that at all. Libertarians, anarcho-capitalists, terfs, completely apolitical people and the like. Sexuality at it's core is personal, not political, so there are gay people out there who are perfectly comfortable with their sexuality on an individual level but do not see the point of getting involved in the broader context. They're queer, but are they...?

Well—

Not to mention there's lots of asshole gays out there! Don't you have a shitty ex? Have you never been almost run over by a drunken butch who blew cigar smoke into your face? I have! Life experiences are just like that. Maybe you should touch more grass. You'll probably find a lucky gift from your neighbour's dog, who is an astrology-obsessed bisexual and also really hot but stopped making out with you at a party once she found out you're a pisces (the neighbour, not the dog).

(Granted, none of this is as bad as implanting an experimental heart contraption into the fiancée you just killed because she dared to have ethical principles and then being so consumed with grief you stab yourself in front you'd your dad but you know how it goes. We're not the 1%.)

My point is, queer people are people. We are complex. We fuck up, and sometimes there's still times to fix things and sometimes... there isn't. We're consumed by jealousy and regret and sometimes we're so locked into our own head we stop believing the rest of the world is real too. Just like any other people, because unfortunately, queerness isn't a sign of morality.

And even if queerness does mean community, kindness and acceptance, tell me... Where the hell would the Usher kids get those from? The people around them are not really peers – they're ass-istants, blowjob-giving apartments, orgy mates, heart surgery providers, hired fitness moneybags, perfect housewives. Even if the partners are all shown to care for the Ushers, there's still a distance, a power gap, that makes the relationships fundamentally wrong.

And the partners? Arguably they're the good queer rep in the show, but look – even when Julius and Alessandra are shown to be good people (or at least people with an ethical boundary), they're not the good gays, they're simply the good SO's to a family of psychos. Exactly like Bill and Morrie, who afawk are straight people.

Which leads us to HoU's parameter of morality - Auguste Dupin. He refuses to drink the Amontillado, symbol of all the Usher opulence over the years. He got screwed over by the Usher twins and by the Raven herself, but he refused to cave in (except for the informant part, admittedly). He's not a good gay guy; he is gay and he is a good man.

The fundamental difference between our show's main tragic yaoi couple isn't that Auggie is a happily out gay man (and therefore is good) while Roderick is a sad divorced hetero (and therefore is bad). Auggie is the richer man because he is a good man; he has a spouse and children and grandchildren he loves with all his heart. He has a family and a community and he has found a sort of happiness no money can buy. Roderick owns the world – but what does he really have? What do his children even have? How could they ever build communities for themselves if they were never in one? Their father made them compete for his love. He never nurtured their bonds, he just showered them with money and excess until it was too much for them to handle. Juno herself pointed out - they were never a family. The House of Usher was only that. A house. It is empty and soulless.

What is queerness without a community? How could the people who represent the relentless corporate normativity and cutthroat capitalism ever be good queer rep? How can they even be queer?

Hear me out: on the most individual, simple level, being queer is still about not fitting in. These kids are bastards. They are are PoC and women in a predominantly male and white dominated space. They're on top of the world, but they're still outsiders to their own House. How could they not be queer?

And yes, I know this discussion takes a different turn when it comes to representation in media, but it's not like Flannagan fell into a Hays Code-era flamboyant villain trope. Queerness is just there. Just like Victorine and August are both black people in (arguably) the opposite ends of the morality spectrum, there are queer characters of many kinds here. The story just happens to be about the fucked up ones.

HoU is a poignant critique of capitalism and a surprisingly funny adaptation of Poe. We'll judge it by that. It happens to be queer – more things should be.

[consumedbyfeels]

I'm sorry but Disney get your facts right. I've seen several places where Disney is calming that the Rouge/Doctor kiss was the first gay moment is Doctor who/ with the Doctor. Excuse me?

First off have we forgot my beloved Captain Jack Harkness? He kissed the Doctor on the mouth and flirted a lot with him before that, then proceeded to flirt with everyone else and I do mean everyone. For crying out loud we met this man when he called rose's bottom excellent then turned around and told the man behind him he had an exsilent bottom as well. Not to mention Torchwood and the whole Ianto thing and the John Hart thing but lets ignore that for the sake of this since it's a different show even though it's the same universe.

Not to mention Jenny and Madame Vastra the Victorian lady and her lizard woman from the dawn of time Wife. Technically Sapphic but Disney is acting like they invented the queerness is Doctor Who so I feel the need to point it out

Master/Missy thing with the Doctor was also definitely fruity but they never kissed so I'll conceded it doesn't really count.

Don't get me started on Clara and Jane Austen I believe it was, I vaguely remember a few Clara being queer of some flavor moment but it's been a while since I watched her seasons so forgive me.

Bill was a lesbian canonically and even had a girlfriend for a bit.

I'm sure I forgetting loads of moments and things but like i said it's been a while since I've done a full watch through so it's not as fresh.

But basically Disney you did not invent the gayness in Doctor Who it has been there forever, do better. Representation is great but you don't get to take credit for something you did not create.

Edit: I have been informed that I was wrong on a couple of things. Thank you for correcting me and I will have to do a re-watch. Rose was not the first trans character. Cassandra used to be a little boy and missy and twelve kissed. Again thank you for correcting me in the comments and please continue to do so if I got anything wrong or forgot something.

[the-golden-vanity]

💚 for the Terror. 💖🧡 and 📖 (but chapter(s) instead of entire book(s)) for Moby Dick

💚: What does everyone else get wrong about your favorite character?

Ooh, it's time to make some enemies.

I really, really dislike the popular fanon characterizations of James Fitzjames. Depending on what particular flavor of queer a fanwork is depicting him as, the kind of... shallow femininity that gets forced on him makes me MASSIVELY uncomfortable. It often comes across as somewhere between homophobic and misogynistic caricature, personality stripped away and replaced with a pretty dress.

I can see where this started, though—the pre-Carnivale dress scene is something that's very important to a lot of Terror fans, and perhaps something that endeared them to a character whose Empire-loving, glory-hounding, "the atrocities I've committed are fun table conversation"-believing ways are (hopefully) unsympathetic to a modern audience. Still, I'd like to see more fanworks engage with that side of James Fitzjames—the tool of an empire that can never love him back.

This isn't to say I don't love queer or trans readings of Fitzjames! I just want to see the character still be a glory-hounding veteran of an imperialist war, and someone I can still believe would shoot rockets at bears.

💖: Already answered here!

🧡: What is a popular (serious) theory you disagree with?

I had to think about this one for a bit. I'd say it's the take that I see floating around on the Internet a lot that Moby-Dick is cosmic horror. If we're taking cosmic horror to mean the horror of the incomprehensible, the impossibly alien, the Things Man Was Not Meant To Know, then there is exactly one chapter that fits the bill—"The Castaway", which includes maybe my favorite passage of the whole book.

However, almost the entire rest of the book is our narrator-protagonist making sense of the whale, as if knowing everything he can about it is his way of coping with the devastating trauma of losing everyone he spent two years of his life living with.

It's almost reverse cosmic horror—rather than a sane man going mad from coming face to face with an incomprehensible monstrosity, our mentally ill (traumatized/depressed/bipolar/open to interpretation) protagonist makes meaning for himself by learning to comprehend the monstrosity.

📖: If you had to remove one chapter from the book, which would you choose?

Ooh, that's a good question. And a hard one.

Moby-Dick is, rather famously, full of chapters upon chapters of whale facts, some of which are even true. I will not be getting rid of any of those. Those are load-bearing whale facts. You pull them out, and the book collapses into a respectable revenge tragedy, rather than the earth-shattering psychological epic that it is. The whale facts represent both the fact that for long stretches of a sea voyage, nothing particularly exciting is going on, and you have time to contemplate things like the immense scarred brow of the whale, and also that this story is being told by a traumatized man who's going off on tangents because he really doesn't want to get around to the part of the story where he loses everything and all of his friends die.

If I had to get rid of one chapter, it would probably be "The Town Ho's Story". Of all the ill omens and tales of woe that the Pequod's crew encounter on their fateful final voyage, this one drags out longest and (to me) was one of the less memorable. However, I'm sure it's probably someone's favorite chapter. Many of them are.

Thank you so much, @georges-chambers/@alienmythologist! You gave me much to think about.

Ask me for my unpopular opinions about boat stories!

[red-hibiscus]

BL characters I relate to most as a mentally ill gay trans man

Daisy from SCOY

Surprising no one, I, a trans person, relate to Daisy. They're outgoing and seemingly don't care about how people view them. They know they're visibly queer and they normally don't mind it (from what I see). But at the end of the day, society does affect them. They're hesitant to believe Touch genuinely cares and is attracted to them despite Touch being an absolute green flag who is very direct with his flirting. Even after, Daisy was worried about people would view their relationship with Touch and tried to become Day, a more masculine version of themself. Impossible of course and they broke down emotionally exhausted. I feel that so much because I also don't believe it when people, especially cis gay men, are attracted to me. I've caught myself trying to change my behavior to be more masculine (as I'm a bit on the nonbinary side of things). It's bad, but I know how Daisy feels.

Wang from 180 Degree Longtitude Passes Through Us

As a 26 year old trans gay immigrant in a country that doesn't want me, I have a shit ton of pent up anger that has been building up since I was a child. I've calmed down over the years, but I can still be stubborn and argumentative when it comes to politics and human rights. I'm also a linguistics major, thus an academic.

Wang is so much like myself and like a lot of people around me. Like me and Wang would be close friends irl I know it. We're young and stubborn. We're angry at the older conservative people around us, too much sometimes. So he lashes out. Many of his points are correct, but they're not hitting. Partially because the people he's talking to don't want to change, partially because he himself is stubborn. People like us yearn to be free, to be ourselves and to learn. Wang has a passion for the humanities like myself. Yet he knows society really only cares about STEM fields. I've compromised and am getting a master's in computational linguistics. Even though really I just wanna learn as much as I can about sociolinguistics.

Karl from Gaya Sa Pelikula

I haven't watched GSP in a hot minute, but I do remember feeling very seen.

So in the show Karl has his gay awakening, tries to internally and externally deny it, and eventually let himself be free to feel everything and be himself (at least in private).

Now I didn't have a gay awakening, but I guess you could say a trans awakening. In middle school I felt different, I suspected maybe some flavor of LGBT, but wasn't sure and I was too afraid to think about it too hard. Come high school I secretly wanted to join the LGBT club, but was afraid. Then I was essentially adopted into the LGBT club and dragged into the friend group during lunch because I was a loner like everyone else. At the time still "identified" as a cishet woman. As time went on people started to suspect. "Why are you in the club?", "why did you cut your hair", "why do you dress like that?", "your voice is low for a girl haha", etc. Much like Karl, I was not ready for any of that. I was still struggling to make sense of it all and come to terms with it myself. So I kept rejecting it and every time it hurt.

I kept rejecting it until I couldn't. Until someone I resonated with so much came out as trans and it clicked. My trans awakening was complete. I became able to be more myself, but only in private safe spaces. I wouldn't come out and live as a man until after high school and it was terrifying.

Adachi from Cherry Magic

I've only watched the jpn ver, but I'm sure that character remains the same.

I'm anxious and used to be quite shy. Now I'm just awkward. I'm really bad at seeing the good in myself cause I feel like I'm wandering around aimlessly in life. Not that impressive. So when people compliment me I think "haha they're just being nice" (refer back to me never believing people are actually attracted to me).

Adachi is the exact same. He has the same routine every day. Just going through the motions and not really thinking anything of himself. But then Kurosawa comes along and the ability to read minds. Adachi then realizes "wait, someone I respect so much actually loves me? And thinks I have a lot of good qualities? Makes me wanna cry." And me too Adachi. I'd be the same.

Jared from 7 Days Before Valentine

Jared, my precious baby, is described throughout the show as kind, but weird and different. We later learn that he has dyslexia, and honestly he seems to be somewhere on the autism spectrum. Even if he isn't, he has a behavioral difference people pick up on and then shun him for it.

I too was seen as kinda weird growing up. Maybe it was the autism, maybe it was the social anxiety. Probably both. And then of course there was the gnawing feeling that I was different than everyone else and it turns out it's because I'm trans.

So when Jared said that people didn't talk to him because he wasn't like other people it hit me so hard.

Myungha from Love For Love's Sake

The whole show is sad yet cathartic for me. Myungha is depressed yet spends his time comforting others. He has a hard time loving and receiving love. If you give him a fictional character who is very similar to him he will love them and see all the good, but he doesn't see it in himself. Relatable as hell.

I have an incredibly hard time being honest with my emotions and letting people love me and express attraction. Mostly in a romantic/sexual context. Dpdr is cockblocking me. So dating is hell, but I'm lonely and yearn to not be.

Probably if you put me in a situation like Myungha I'd also go "yep, that right there is my blorbo" and then not realize that all the things I like about the person and make me care about them are things I have.

Honorable mentions:

Both Akk and Ayan from The Eclipse

Nozue from Old Fashion Cupcake

Oh-Aew from I Told Sunset About You

Cher from A Boss and a Babe (I headcannon him as autistic)

Amber from DNA Says Love You

Uea from Bed Friend

Mitsuomi from Restart After Come Back Home

Jao from SCOY

Maybe I'll make another post for those later

[topgunreacts]

for the omegaverse au, who is the alpha and who is the omega?

Explain my non-standard omegaverse system, thereby clarifying important themes and plot points within my story?? Don’t mind if I do!!!!!

I was going to do this anyway at some point because I know a lot of people avoid A/B/O due to some widely used tropes. If you (whoever reading this) are potentially interested in my story but hesitant due to past omegaverse experiences, this may help you make a final decision. Here’s a quick rundown of my treatment of common tropes in list form, and THEN I will answer your very simple question.

When in heat, do male omegas feel an unstoppable, uncontrollable horniness that overpowers any reluctance to have sex?

Not in my omegaverse. Dubcon winds up in a lot of omegaverse story tags because of this trope. But in my version of A/B/O, a male omega’s heat symptoms can look like any number of things. Horniness can be a symptom, but it isn’t for everyone. And even when it is, it presents itself like more of an itch that wants to be scratched. If a male omega in heat is horny but isn’t around someone he wants to fuck, then he will not fuck. This will cause him to feel irritated, though. If sex is among his body’s primary ways to feel safe during a heat and accrue the most biological resources, he may go on to have a really bad time psychologically. But at no point will he be trying to have sex he doesn’t want to have.

Mpreg?

Not in my omegaverse. I have no beef with it, it just doesn’t play a role in my stories. However, I would like to point out that trans, intersex, asexual, and other flavors of queer people exist within my universe. So a male person WITH a uterus could get pregnant if they were able to.

When alphas are in rut, do they possess an uncontrollable urge to mate with someone in heat?

No, and I call that out explicitly in Marrying the Hangman as a line alphas use in court to try and get out of assault charges. Do bigoted in-universe people actually believe this happens? Yes. Does it actually happen? No.

Are alpha and omega designations synonymous with ‘top’ and ‘bottom,’ ‘dom’ and ‘sub,’ respectively?

Absolutely not! Anyone could be any combination of these things, including vers/switch. A male omega in heat who experiences horniness might personally scratch that itch by way of topping in a more assertive manner, for example. I refer to being alpha/beta/omega as a biological sex, not a gender.

The biggest reason why I chose to piggyback this info on that ask submission is because the answer to the question of who is alpha and who is omega is loaded with assumptions due to the nature of commonly seen tropes. So when I say

Maverick is the alpha and Ice is the omega

that does not impact their characterization in the ways you [general You] might think. I saw a post a while ago scoffing at the idea of Iceman being an omega, and that is almost certainly because ‘male omega’ generally amounts to the following overpacked suitcase of assumptions: passive, helpless, sex-obsessed, ditzy. None of those things apply to Ice. While we’re here, none of those traits are inherently Bad, either. It is our treatment of our assumptions and not merely the assumptions themselves that speak to our biases. They just don’t apply to MY story. Ice IS omega. He’s also still Ice.

The big question, then:

So what is the purpose of heating and rutting?

In my verse, each of the six ‘standard issue’ biological sexes come with their own niche to fill. It’s not just about steamy smut. There are Reasons, god help me, why humans evolved four distinct hormonal/pheromonal types. And sex makes up but one piece of a massive evolutionary tapestry.

We humans are strongest in groups, yes? We form communities. We specialize so that no one has to do everything. We protect our own. My omegaverse reflects that. Heats and ruts, as a result, are all about creating and maintaining those social bonds. And sometimes, that involves sex.

For plot purposes, I focus the most on male alphas and male omegas, but here is a rundown of all six sexes.

Typing Characteristics

Male Omegas

0.001% of male population

In-universe stereotypes that are based on bias, not fact: ditzy, impulsive, irresponsible, unintelligent, weak-willed, slutty, high-strung

Average sperm count

Produce slick

Throw out a LOT of Find Me pheromones during a heat—sex was one of evolution’s many great ideas on how to attract and subsequently recruit nearby alphas/betas as protection and (ideally) long term partners.

Evolved to be community leaders. Their hormones are very chatty, always reaching out pheromonally to make connections with other types. The thing that makes them unique is their ability to synthesize pheromonal bonds between individual people. In the same way periods will sync up among people in proximity who have them, a male omega’s pheromones get all of their People on the same heat/rut schedule to maximize group power and efficiency. When they heat, that ability becomes especially strong.

A male omega’s heat is driven by an external goal. Once a month, their bodies release a stockpile of hormones that compel them to identify and carry out ‘missions’ that strengthen their community. They take more risks (with success) during this time, relying on their sharp senses and protectors to balance out any dangers. [see notes for more clarification]

Their biologically-driven goal is to become the center of a community that helps nurture and protect their unique gift. Because they are so singularly focused on their goal during a heat, they need protection. Alphas and betas offer them that protection.

Heats can go ‘bad’ for a number of reasons. The two main triggers for heat sickness (toxic hormone accumulation) are (1) failing to have their personal heat care requirements met and (2) catastrophically failing to achieve their goal.

Male Alphas

30% of male population

In-universe stereotypes that are based on bias, not fact: sexually aggressive, domineering, always horny, can’t think too horny!

Higher than average sperm count

Somewhat more likely to produce more male alpha children

Strong instinct to provide for and protect their People

American taboo: male alphas don’t bottom. It just isn’t done! That’s for wimmin and gays [male omegas]

Have the ability to knot during a rut

Four types of ruts!

Unbonded annual rut: without the influence of pharmaceuticals, this will happen every year for a male that is not part of a stable community, ideally one with a male omega at the center. For a period of about a week, his senses will magnify, especially his sense of smell, and he will feel an extremely powerful urge to roam. This is Finding Mode. He wants to find a community to protect and nurture.

Bonded annual rut: without the influence of pharmaceuticals, this will happen every year for a male that IS part of a stable community. For a period of about a week, his body will completely flush his alpha hormones, effectively hitting a reset button. During this time, it is critical that his community support him; he will feel vulnerable, his protective urges will magnify beyond what is sensible, and that can turn into paranoia and even psychosis at the extreme end. Make him a pillow fort or something and he should be fine.

Unbonded pseudorut: the US military gives alphas pills to trigger these for combat. This version of the pseudorut is a dumbed down version of a bonded male’s heightened sensory period with feelings of purpose. The military becomes a stand-in for a true community leader, and the male alphas will become more aggressive and intent on following orders.

Bonded pseudorut: these are naturally triggered in an alpha male’s body every time he is around a male or female omega he is bonded to, who is also in heat. His senses heighten, and he becomes completely focused on seeing to his community leader’s needs, whether that means following them into combat as their wingman or getting them more snacks from the fridge.

The other groups see less screen time, so I will shorten their descriptions.

Female Alphas

In-universe stereotypes that are based on bias, not fact: basically every sexist thing that haunts corporate women—bossy, mean, not a team player, etc

15% of female population

Average fertility, slightly more likely to produce more alphas both male and female

Experience ruts functionally identical to those experienced by male alphas

Charlie is an alpha female in this story. She is also an ace lesbian.

Female Omegas

In-universe stereotypes that are based on bias, not fact: stupid, obsessed with babies, always want sex

High fertility rates

15% of female population

During a heat, they become even more fertile. Their bodies throw out copious amounts of protect-me, find-me pheromones. They will feel varying levels of desire to reproduce, and that desire can manifest in various ways. It is a spectrum. Some of them will conform to the stereotypical Horny Time model, while others may not care about sex itself so much as the mechanical act of fertilizing their eggs. Still others may feel little to no sex drive, but they are a minority.

Likelihood for twins, triplets, etc very high

Natural partners for male omegas in terms of community leadership. Working together, they both gain full benefits of being surrounded by dedicated protectors. Taboo in some cultures for them to be sexual partners as well.

Female and Male Betas

In-universe stereotypes that are based on bias, not fact: boring, dispassionate, genetically useless, The Other Guys, mediators

The stabilizing factor of every chemically/hormonally bonded community. They keep the balance when they’re bonded to a group by naturally assisting with pheromonal equilibrium.

Their bodies can produce rutting or heating chemicals that don’t trigger their own ruts or heats but instead “keep the peace” in terms of making sure the core team’s train doesn’t go flying off the tracks

Will play more of a role in the sequel

Other Notes

The term “heat” is used for both omega males and females due to various scientific misunderstandings that happened across many cultures many hundreds of years ago. Throughout history there have been periods of activism where researchers advocate for a more nuanced naming system, but how successful those efforts were are highly dependent on culture. American culture likes its three types, six sexes model. Makes bigotry so much easier! You fit in this box, you act this way. Step outside of it and you will be punished. The ‘It’s Complicated’ models are the ideal.

But I said earlier there are four true hormonal types, not three, and this is how: because male and female omega heats are based on entirely different hormones and evolutionary purposes, they really should not be classified together at all. The four “true” types are: male omega, female omega, alpha, and beta.

On the subject of male omegas’ heat missions: those come in various forms, and various levels of intensity. It all comes down to what the individual male omega wants to do (or is told to want to do). That could look like any number of things: a big hunt or agricultural project, leading a military unit, or starting a new company initiative. It could also look like one male omega, one female omega, three alphas, and three betas (they’re using the trunk obvs) driving to a paintball place once a month to annihilate everyone present and then leave. It’s not all about blood and sex and drama. A group of teenagers who live in a culture that eschews pharmaceutical hormone control could form a hormonal bond around a male omega that is really into skateboarding, and they all come together to built a non OSHA compliant skate park in someone’s backyard. Groups can also shift in membership over time, too. Six months later and the group’s membership and ‘missions’ could look totally different.

Okay I’m done. For now.

[fearsomefive]

Queer DT17 headcanons

Get ready folks this is a long one

Scrooge: Ah yes the Crowley of Ducktales in terms of funky gender and David Tennant-ness. For a while I’ve been a fan of bisexual trans man Scrooge (before season 3 even aired) but I’m also toying around with him being some flavor of multigender

Donald: Bi trans man. This is real to me

Della: Lesbian who uses she/they pronouns, I haven’t decided on an exact headcanon for her gender wise

Huey: I actually don’t have a definitive headcanon for Huey tbh. There’s barely a headcanon out there for him I wouldn’t like

Dewey: I refuse to believe this kid conforms to gender roles no matter what. He is aro to me and I think he genuinely would describe his gender using his name

Louie: Gay trans boy who uses he/they. Something about wearing hoodies all the time is trans as hell

Webby: Lesbian 100%

Beakley: Also a lesbian and definitely had something going on with Black Heron

Fethry: Bi and idk about specifics in gender but probably uses they/he/she (also Gladstone is not on here because I genuinely lean towards him being cishet, sorry Gladstone)

Lena: Nonbinary lesbian whose gender is [shrug]

Violet: Trans girl but really hasn’t even thought about who she might like, it just hasn’t come up

Gyro: I’ve said it a million times but not even canon itself could convince me he isn’t a gay trans man on the aroace spectrum

Boyd: A definitely real boy. (I don’t have a definitive headcanon for him but Astro Boyd is such a trans episode to me)

Fenton: As said earlier, bisexual and uses he/they

Gandra: If you ask Gandra’s gender she’ll probably say “What are you, a cop?” (Bisexual and uses they/she but does not label gender other than ‘sure as hell not cis’)

Drake: Same as Gyro minus the aroace part (Launchpad is not on here due to canonically being pan and me not having a definitive headcanon on whether he is cis or trans, so putting him here would be a bit redundant)

Gosalyn: To me DT17 Gosalyn feels like she either is in or is about to experience a gender crisis, probably ends up describing herself the same way as Lena

José: Bi and stupid (affectionate)

Panchito: Gay (you can’t fool me, og caballeros movie) trans man. I feel this one in my bones for every version of him ever

Daisy: Bisexual trans woman

Storkules: Has this man ever loved anyone the same way he loves Donald, genuinely? I completely doubt it like yeah he loves everyone in some way but uhhh [gestures to the Donald statue he made that one episode and his box of Donald fan art]

Selene: MOON LESBIAN MOON LESBIAN

Penumbra: Obviously a lesbian but I love imagining she has a weird gender. Once she becomes familiar with butches on Earth she fits in pretty well, also I don’t imagine her caring about what pronouns someone uses for her

[cardentist]

apparently there's discourse (not in the bad way, just the discussion way) surrounding lich and trans headcanons because of how he talks about michaela in the books

so here's my opinion as a trans person (other trans people are allowed to have different opinions but this one is mine):

I believe that mothy himself is well meaning about his trans and gay representation, but is unfamiliar with what We'd consider problematic. I'm not familiar enough with either mothy or the general culture of japan to say if this is the result of mothy himself being out of touch, or japanese queer culture just being different from the US's. but either way this is my read on the situation.

and so I engage with evillious with that in mind. it's a series that means well but has problematic elements. and that doesn't have to be a Bad thing, it's just something that needs some awareness while taking it in.

so when mothy writes lich openly acknowledging and accepting that michaela is his sister but then Also has him refer to her with her dead name I don't see that as mothy intentionally portraying lich as transphobic or unaccepting of her. it is, after all, how mothy chose to reveal that she was a trans woman in the first place (introducing us to "lich's brother michael" and having it revealed that she was michaela all along, and having lich acknowledge her as his sister now).

and I think there are two ways to go about this with this understanding.

we could simply gloss over the issue, because at the end of the day we're not going to be able to sit mothy down and explain why it can be hurtful to trans people. we don't have that direct communication with him. and it's not being written with the intent of being read as malicious on lich's part, so it's simply easier to smooth it over.

Or we could translate mothy being well intentioned but misinformed onto lich as a character trait. this works best within the context of him having to learn what he's doing wrong and grow, but obviously it's up to personal interpretation.

as for trans headcanons, there's nothing wrong with that in the first place. trans people are misinformed sometimes, nobody comes out of the womb socially conscious and fully aware of modern sensibilities.

having lich realize that they aren't a man could be tied into lich gaining a better understanding of transness. having lich be transmasc already and just not knowing any better because He doesn't mind these things and hasn't stopped to think that other people may feel differently. having lich be whatever flavor of trans you want in whatever way you want just because it's fun and you'd like to. it's all fine and doesn't hurt anybody

I would Also like to point out that levia has been making fun of behemo for wearing dresses and make up since she was introduced as a character, and people tend not to call her transphobic or highlight this as transphobia.

yes, there is more ambiguity in behemo's case as mothy has never stated outright what behemo's identity is, but calling someone you interpret as a man disgusting or weird for wearing dresses Is Transphobia (and was specifically highlighted As transphobia/bigotry that behemo has faced during barisol's child) regardless of what that person's gender actually is.

I personally like levia a lot, just like I like lich and behemo and michaela, and Personally I think they're all trans Because I like them. and I'm not saying that we should Start defining levia's character by this trait.

but I Am saying that it's an obvious double standard to hold lich as a character accountable while Not doing the same for levia when arguably levia is intentionally written as being harmful while lich isn't.

anyways, I think it's funny if levia realizes he's a trans man that still likes to wear dresses and make up, and I think lich is seth's boyfriend and banica's girlfriend and eater's -̴̱͔̫̭̎̆͆-̴̠͚͘͜-̶̺̰̙̦͗-̸̡̻̽̅-̴̢̹̰̠͐͑̃̈̑friend, and equally trans no matter what

(also potential lich and carlos dynamic intrigues me but I think it's much funnier if they aren't dating each other. banica's husband and banica's girlfriend silently and awkwardly eating brunch together because they figure they're supposed to hang out but between the two of them there isn't one drop of social intelligence)

(they do this every day, it never gets any better)

[queer-reader-07]

ok buckle up cuz we’re talking about ✨religious trauma✨ today (i’m allowed to sparkle emoji it this is entirely a self insert meta)

ok so aziraphale in the context of religious trauma. specifically, why i think his character is one of the most accurate and real portrayals of religious trauma in media. and i want to explore that because i’ve seen it talked about a little bit but my raised catholic turned queer trans self has some more thoughts.

a lot more under the cut

i’m sure we’ve all seen the “why would aziraphale leave crowley?” “why would he go to heaven?” “doesn’t he know heaven is bad?” posts. or some flavor of the same idea.

and they seem to be coming from the same crowd who also think that aziraphale going to heaven was “out of character”. which isn’t true if i’m being perfectly honest.

when we look at aziraphale through the lens of trauma, his actions begin to make a lot more sense. he is in an abusive and toxic relationship with heaven. and we all know (or at least we all should know) that leaving toxic/abusive environments isn’t an easy feat. and more often than not, abuse victims are very likely to end up in an abusive situation again.

aziraphale only knows heaven. while he and crowley have both seen that heaven doesn’t always do the best things (e.g. killing everyone in the flood, wanting to kill jobs kids, armageddon 1 AND 2), crowley has seen first hand that heaven is bad. crowley has fallen (or sauntered vaguely downwards), he’s been told that he isn’t worthy of heaven. that he isn’t enough. and he knows that what heaven does is so often wrong. he see that, because heaven already cast him out. why would he bother defending them?

but aziraphale only has heaven and has only ever had heaven. yeah he doesn’t agree with heaven or God on all fronts but heaven is still the right side,,, right? heaven is still his side.

aziraphale is comfortable with heaven. he’s used to it. and admitting to himself that heaven is toxic or problematic or bad would dismantle everything he’s ever told himself. it would mean admitting that he is a part of that toxic/etc institution. and possibly complacent in it.

(side bar: i would argue he isn’t complacent. we’ve seen him defy the will of God or heaven multiple times. see: giving up the flaming sword & lying about it, saving job’s kids and lying about it, stopping armageddon)

speaking from a personal perspective here: religious trauma is a beast to deal with. and a lot of people with religious trauma (myself included) go back to The Church over and over again despite being burned by it so many times.

for me it was knowing that The Church didn’t care about my reproductive rights. and knowing that they didn’t condone my queerness. and knowing that they think i’m somehow sinful for the music i listen to or the clothes i wear. and knowing that they believe my friends who are wonderful people and i love deeply are doomed to eternal damnation because they aren’t catholic.

aziraphale is the same way. for him it was being shown over and over again that heaven doesn’t care about him. doesn’t care about humanity. doesn’t care about what he thinks. doesn’t care (and in fact actively hates) the one being he loves more than anything. doesn’t care about anything but “triumphing over hell” (whatever that means).

but he kept going back. and i kept going back. i kept going to sunday mass for years after i figured out i was queer. i kept going long after i settled on my leftist politics that are far too radical for the catholic church. and aziraphale kept going back. despite having worked side by side with a demon for millennia. despite heaven wanting to kill his best friend/lover/most important person. despite wanting to destroy humanity (not just in armageddon, the flood did happen).

it takes a lot of work to even begin stepping away from toxic and abusive institutions. aziraphale gets better. season 1 is very “i am an angel you are a demon we cannot work together (but also we definitely are)” but by season 2 we have “our car” “my former people” “i thought we carved [this fragile peaceful existence] out for ourselves”. he’s beginning to realize that heaven does not have his back. he is on a side with crowley. they are in it together.

and yet. he still goes back to heaven. after all this time. all the failed attempts to get heaven to hear him out. why is he going back now? after a love confession from the demon he loves more than literally anything ever.

because he wants to enact change. he wants to finally see heaven rebuilt so that humanity is safe. so that the things he loves about the world are left unchanged. and most importantly, so crowley is safe. and he can only do that if he fixes heaven, right?

i know i’m not the only one who’s thought to myself “i’d be more religious if only i could fix The Church” or something adjacent. this idea that it’s an institution that can be fixed. when in fact, organized religion can’t be fixed. the structure it’s built upon is inherently flawed. personal faith is beautiful and i value my own, but organized religion will always bear systemic issues and oppressions.

aziraphale wants to be the change. he wants to fix it. that’s why he went back. he didn’t reject crowley. he didn’t leave crowley because he doesn’t love him back. he went back because he loves crowley. he went back because if he fixes it, crowley will finally be safe.

and i for one, want to see him succeed. i want him to be able to actually fix heaven. i want him fighting tooth and nail to make the world a safe place for the love of his life.

i want him to succeed in the change the rest of us never managed. i want him fulfilling what was mine and so many others dreams.

[amazing-spiderling]

💚: What does everyone else get wrong about your favorite character?

📖: If you had to remove one book (/season/comic run) from the series, which would you choose?

🏳️‍🌈: Which character who is commonly headcanoned as queer doesn't seem queer to you?

💚: What does everyone else get wrong about your favorite character?

It's actually good an interesting for him to have an established religion, it's just that not all writers handle it as deftly as they could. In most cases, if the writer is unsure how to handle the subject, or is unwilling/without enough time to do their due diligence when it comes to research, then it's better to just sidestep it. Despite what zealots on facebook would have you believe, most devout believers aren't screaming scripture in your face, they're letting the principles of their faith guide their actions.

📖: If you had to remove one book (/season/comic run) from the series, which would you choose?

Oh noooooooooooo, all the copies of Ultimate X-Men fell in the trash and burnedddd it's so saaaaaaaaaaaaaaad. I guess nobody is gonna get to read about creepy homophobic Nightcrawler ever again :((((((

🏳️‍🌈: Which character who is commonly headcanoned as queer doesn't seem queer to you?

This is gonna get me cancelled- so let me go ahead and say that I 100% understand why people think this, and I totally respect that it's important to them, and I would never take that away from them but- I don't think Spider-Gwen is trans. Like, YES I see the flag and the patch, and yeah I can see colors and YES I understand PARALLELS but like, in regards to the narrative I think it makes a lot more sense if Peter was the trans character. (I also understand the issues with that as well.) IDK Maybe it's just because I came into ATSV post Spider-Gwen and a lot of Spider-Verse comics where that's not really part of the vibe at all that it's just at odds with my existing conception of the character.

I guess to be fair, I am open to the idea of her being queer in other ways (gay/bi/ but mostly aro in some flavor) but this particular popular HC isn't one that jives with me.

[sword-dad-fukuzawa]

ok ngl i sent you several asks now but im pretty sure you're the reason why i've accepted that i am actually a guy with a pussy (i just had a mini breakdown abt that today and i found your blog like. a day or so before?)

(and tbh i do like being a girl but sometimes im just. not. and i dont have to force myself :) also. i love that you dont like transmasc hcs bc same lmao i thought i was like. transphobic but no. there's something going on here but it's not bigotry idk ig it just hits too close for me?)

I’m blinking at you like a stunned owl right now. Congratulations man I’m glad I could’ve helped in some way :] this is such a crazy ask to wake up to LOL (sorry if I’m not too eloquent, it’s buttfuck o clock in the morning but I thought I’d answer this as quick as I could)

You really don’t have to force yourself. I think every trans person has a complicated and deeply personal relationship to gender and at the end of the day it’s whatever makes you happiest, at least to me. Personally, my conception of my own gender fluctuates; presentation and androgyny are strong influences on how I feel; transmasc and genderfluid are just the simplest (and thus most useful for my purposes) labels even if they’re not 100% correct for me. Queerness is one of those things that can be hard to catch by the ankle and wrestle into a label. Although for some people it is! Not to be wishy washy but it’s all different.

Anyway. I didn’t talk at length about why I don’t really fuck with transmasc headcanons (I’d rather not get accused of transphobia on tumblr) but it’s really just that transmasculinity is my real actual life. A lot of my life already centers transness by default, which is not, you know, a bad thing. It’s just how it is. And again I have a complicated relationship with gender.

So while I’m a firm believer that other people should make their paper dolls look and fuck how they want, my paper dolls will almost always be cis guys. Something about the fantasy of having a dick, something about me personally finding dick on dick action hot (points at myself. fujoshi.) something about not wanting to write about all the intricacies of transness and worry about if I’m “portraying it correctly” or “representing the community well”…it’s too much and quite frankly I’m an erotica writer having too much fun on the internet, and that’s how I like it. A mutual described all that as “the politics of pussy” and that sums up the aversion I have to writing about transmasculinity when I write for kicks and giggles. I want to do it “right” even if I simultaneously hold the belief that there’s no “right” way to write most things and that kind of cognitive gymnastics is tiring.

As always I have exceptions. You’ll find at least a couple works on my ao3 that feature explicitly transmasc characters or are vague about the sex of the characters on purpose. This is either because someone paid me to write those (which is not a dig, I wouldn’t have accepted the commission if I didn’t want to!) or because I was just in the mood to write trans porn, lmao. It’s difficult to be specific about What Exact Flavor of Transmasc is the kind I’m willing to create or eat on the internet, which a. kills nuance and b. isn’t obligated to cater to me specifically.

Trans erotica played a large part in helping me accept myself and my sexuality as a trans person. Trans headcanon also tends to be close enough to home that engaging with it 80% of the time is not fun. I think, too, that headcanon doesn’t reflect your beliefs as a person; what matters is how you treat real actual people.

But yeah, sorry for going on for so long. I have terminal yapper disease LOL. Congratulations on the realization and I’m sorry about the breakdown, hope things get clearer and easier for you in the coming days :]