#i already wrote my version and was abt to post it but then he said he'd do it after all..

[yukinyaminyato]

i wish that Cool Dude would actually reply to my message...........

me after waking up: wow that guy in my dream was so cool i wish he were real (<- had a dream abt someone i literally know irl)

[adrian-sheppy]

Sorry if this is completely wrong igore if it is LMAO but I noticed you seem to have different hcs for how mind lost his eye!!! Like in Seattles Going Under it was lost in a vague fight or something, but in art w/ the resonance cascade he lost it prolly during the ambush? I was wondering if you had info to share on it/infodump abt or if its just whatever makes the art more fun!

hehe youre observant and actually right on the money. yup!  so essentially i just have different eye trauma head canons for whichever version of freemind im drawing; since he doesnt actually lose his eye in canon, its up to everyone to fil in the blanks if they wanna use the popular headcanon. i wrote .  a good chunk of stuff .  so i put it under the cut . but heres a picture to be like a . tldr

I sorta like his eye already being gone before the resonance cascade (in a non-freemanverse scenario). he does verbally say something like "my eyes" in the series, indicating he has two, BUT . well.  its a headcanon. so we can have fun with it . my eye loss pre-rescas freemind stems from my original freemind design (before i ever started posting half-life on the internet) where he had short hair, but i needed a way to distinguish him from og gordon, so I used thr popular one eye headcanon. then I realized him losing his eye bc of the military goes perfectly with martini losing an arm. that bothered me for a while until i realized i could just have multiple freemind designs + headcanons. if theres different variations of Gordon  and martini, why can't there be some of Freemind as well? grins grins

i left it open ended in my SGU because people have their own headcanons and I thought anyone could just fill in their own. if I did every make a canon eyeloss event prequel thing, he would've lost his eye during college in some sort of either freak accident (like tripping on something and injuring himself bad; I like this one because he'll lie and say he was in a fight) or, like u said, a fight . for SGU, college was a low point in his life of him struggling with freedom from his parents for the firsr time, but them and their ideals still holding him hostage. he is simultaneously more repressed and more emotionally volatile than present!gordon. then, when his parents die, hes just given a clusterfuck of emotions. so why dont we add physical trauma? whatever the sgu canon event eye loss was, it was definitely related to substance abuse issues. whether that be he was high/drunk and got into an accident, or fought someone... not sure! yet. the only thing that i can say was that no fire or chemicals were involved, since his tearduct is (unfortunately for him) wholly in tact!

but for freemanverse!freemind, he should lose his eye during the rescas since its like thematic and stuff if (almost) every Gordon Loses Something. also, angst. whenever I draw freemanverse (even in a domestic setting) in my head, i always think of them surviving the rescas together! i have. convoluted freemanverse headcanons. the eye loss is an important freemanverae event because, like martini, it gives him a valid reason to REALLY dislike benrey (but in my au, benrey isnt the big bad, so he "redeems" himself kinda sorta) . and then it ALSO opens up freemind to be upset and vulnerable, which allows him to bond with his fellow freemen.

...

also I want barmey to tend to his wounds and call his scar(s) badass. im not immune to buttermind and i never was.

honorable mention: sims freemind, who has both eyes physically but only can see from one. this is due to me unable to properly texture a glasses + eyepatch combo, that and i have no experience with 3d modelling (I did try!).

i hope this is a satisfying enough infodump!! I'm sorry if it's a bit vague; a lot of my ideas tend to be fluid. i also like taking inspiration from what other people think! some of you guys are way super smart and have awesome ideas. i am not immune to well articulated essays and thought out headcanons

[narcsmelly]

now that i don't have to worry abt art im worryin about excerpt like.. i like this 1, it's the one i have on the actual ao3 post itself:

Ruby’s eyes searched the floor as she tried to cohere her singular thought (How dare you? How dare you? How dare you?) into a different, more specific question.

“Why did you- what did you tell them?” She had to hear it herself. Do we ‘have’ to?

Klaasje’s reply was immediate — tense and quiet, “'Them', who? I-I don’t know what you’re-”

Ruby shouted, almost laughing, “YES YOU DO! You do, Klaasje,” and Klaasje winced — not at Ruby’s rising tone… but at the use of that word. That soft, long, guttural sound which meant herself – Klaasje. Ruby squinted. That’s right… that wasn’t even her real name.

BUT!!!! IDK im like maybe one of these??? this one feels too long and dialogue heavy but also it's really not my fav passage.. like i dont rly like the 'prose' in this part at all:

"You didn't try to find me. No, what you did was send them after me.” Klaasje didn’t respond, frustrated to be continually interrupted. Her jaw was clenched as she let Ruby continue, “RCM. Pigs – worse, Madre’s favorite pig-” 

“He wasn’t. He didn't even have a gun, he could barely remember his own name-”

“He was clearly capable enough to arrest you!”

“They didn’t though… they let us both go-”

“You couldn’t have known that he would… They could have arrested me for my work alone, but they sought me out for a murder I didn’t commit, based on the false information you gave them.”

Klaasje finally addressed Ruby’s assertion, stumbling over her words, “Wh-what did they tell you?”

Ruby held Klaasje’s gaze. “Why don’t you tell me?”

or this one which will explain why klaasje 'looks like that' on the fic cover but i ALSO DONT RLY LIKE THE PROSE HERE EITHER.. SO ....:

Klaasje pulled on the vest and zipped it up, then pulled Ruby’s headphones off of her neck, onto her head. Ruby looked her up and down. This wasn’t Klaasje… it was 'Jean' – a tall, young man with poor eyesight and poorer posture from his short but intense driving career. Privileged, devout, and shaken from his first taste of the real world. His short yet overgrown hair stuck out, boyish and sloppy beneath the bulky headphones. Believable. Ruby’s hand throbbed. Fuck.

“You can drive?”

Klaasje nodded. 

“Yes.” Klaasje had always had some drawling length to her vowels that was especially pronounced when she’d had something to drink… but she seemed to draw them out on purpose now. Or, maybe, she had only stopped restraining her instinct to do so. It was subtle, and Ruby wasn’t even sure the change had been made.

Ruby turned, looking back at the lorry, at the flour bags growing soggy in the ditch. She turned again and looked out across the wasteland behind them.

"Fuck ."

idk all my fav bits of writing in the fic are way too spoilery or just nothing without the context... idk idk idk im leaning toward just keeping the first one and including a version of this old old description i wrote last year:

what would u do if u just found out yr failed talking stage framed u for her boyfriend's murder, and as u r bitterly fleeing your narrowly avoided death and/or imprisonment for this accusation, you coincidentally run into said failed talking stage in a bathroom just outside of town? context: she is also fleeing, but she's not leaving behind the wreckage of a life she worked extremely hard to build (like you are), she's fleeing the responsibility of the lives she destroyed, including yours.. would u see it as a chance to 'hold her accountable' for the wrongs she's done unto u ? some justice, some answer to all this needless death ? now that your life has ostensibly already ended, would you, for once, bring yourself to try out the one high-risk high-reward activity that never interested you before ? would u seek revenge ?

OR should i just use these actual disco quotes???

KLAASJE (MISS ORANJE DISCO DANCER) - "I think I know who did it. Who shot Lely... I can tell you. I can help you." KLAASJE (MISS ORANJE DISCO DANCER) - She's silent for a second -- as if looking into herself for certainty. Then, in a hushed voice, she says… KLAASJE (MISS ORANJE DISCO DANCER) - "Ruby.”

-

RUBY, THE INSTIGATOR - "I never did understand why, when someone dies, a hothouse's worth of flowers has to die too."

[mace-waz-here]

Post replying to @faramir-princeofithilien

My favorite oc is tied between two, but I think this one wins by a bit more.

Uhhh ermmmm warning I suppose cuzzz I talk abt cannibalism and murder in this.. BUT ITS NOT HIM I SWEAR!!! I pinky promise I’m not crazy

The original idea I had for him came from one night at trap shooting practice (where you shoot and clay targets tossed in the air with shot guns) and I had my grandpa’s military jacket he had on when he was deployed in Vietnam. I figured that jacket would keep me warm and be good for shooting in, but it was a little too tight on me zipped up, mostly considering the fact that my chest is not flat cuz being born a girl and all. But this happened before I got medicine for my mental problems, so instead of thinking that the jacket just was a bit too tight for me when I would lean over, I started panicking thinking “what if the people my grandpa killed in the war are coming back and keeping me from shooting good?” Because without my medicine I get all sorts of paranoid.

After that, I made my oc Liam. To start off with, his story is that he found a military jacket at a thrift store and bought it, but two ghosts of people that the owner had killed were attached to it, but these two in life were some of the soldiers that enjoyed the opportunity to kill, and so they started slowly possessing Liam and killing the people closest to him.

After getting that down, I many posts about cannibalism as a metaphor for love, and one of the people Liam killed was already his boyfriend so I rolled with it. I had one of the ghosts make Liam eat the parts of his friends that he loved the most.

His first victim, his boyfriend, had his heart eaten for obvious reasons. His second victim has dreams of working at NASA, and it really looked like she would get there so he ate her brain for her smarts. His third victim, his cousin, was very into art and photography so he ate his arms that he used to make said art with.

After killing and eating them, he would have nightmares about them coming back and screaming at him things like “why did you kill me”.

At another point when making him, it really bothered me with the double standard I saw with characters that were murders and characters that specifically school shooters. I mean, they both kill people, and many killers in media kill teens too. So, purely out of spite for those people I made the ghosts in one last act of retribution against Liam that he would shoot up his school. And by the time he wasn’t possessed anymore, he knew no one would believe what he had to say, so he wrote a note explaining it all and then he ended it.

After that, there were rumors that in the old school building (where that took place), at night you could hear Liam’s ghost saying that he never wanted to do it, and that you can hear him arguing with two other voices.

I specifically like him the most because first off, I like trying to point out the double standard in what murder people do and don’t glorify, and because how much thought I put into him. This is a very watered down version of events to how I made him, and he’s definitely the character I’ve put the most thought and care into making.

Hers art of him I’ve done

[pumpkinrootbeer]

This could differ from person to person but I do believe that at the start, Evan genuinely just wanted to help the Murphys and wasn’t sure how to do that other than to lie and he felt trapped by his situation (for lack of a better word) and that was sort of influenced by what Jared said to him (“you’re seriously gonna tell them all they have left of their dead son is a weird sex letter you wrote?”), though of course I’m not trying to say Jared like, did that maliciously. As time went on, particularly in Act 2, Evan did start to act out selfishly and trying to use his lie with the Murphys as a means to get what he wants rather than actually helping them. I really like your posts analyzing them, honestly Evan and Jared’s dynamic is so interesting, and at the end of the day they’re both just like. Awful teenagers. They need couple’s counseling or something

i absolutely get you, and like you said they're just awful teenagers!! they're kids who are going through so much and have no support, they're going to do stupid shitty things. and of course you're absolutely free to your interpretations!! no shame in interpreting media differently then me :) that's the joy of fandom! And thank you!!! i have really enjoyed rambling abt these losers I love them so much <3

Also you've activated my autism beam and now i get to talk Abt my interpretations even more hahaha my perfect victory.

So first thing, yes! I 100% agree that Evan did want to help the Murphys and try and alleviate some of their pain at the start. But there's a shift at some point throughout the play where it's less about helping them and more about helping Evan, which I think most people agree on that at some point Evan's interests shift to being more self centered— it's just a matter of when that change occurs that people disagree on.

I'm of the opinion that the change happens, or at the very least starts to happen, very early on. I would say the moment Evan's motivations start to shift is when he says the line "They didn't want me to stop." while talking with Jared (and I am going to talk about my interpretation of Jared because I have so much to say about that freak 😭). This is the moment, for me, Evan realizes he's getting positive attention for lying. And that maybe he kind of likes it.

And I've said this in my other posts, but Evan isn't admitting to himself that that's why he's doing this! I don't think he's even aware of why he's really doing this. When he says he's doing it for the Murphys, he genuinely believes that.

The moment where I think he's 100% doing it for himself, even though he doesn't realize it, is Disappear. Because Connor's memory is already forgotten and they are parading this fake version of him around, a fake version of Connor that makes Evan look better and one that is actively causing real Connor to get forgotten faster. And Evan admits in the song that it's also because he doesn't want to be forgotten, which is not this horrible awful thing to feel! Evan isn't a bad person because he doesn't want to be invisible. I don't think Evan is a bad person at all!! What he does that's bad is hijack this tragedy for himself, a thing that again, he doesn't even realize he's doing.

i would definitely agree with you that by act 2, everything is mostly for himself. Cue the "It's not my fault other people can" line. Which I would argue is probably the cruelest thing Evan says in that entire show 😭, and then we get Good for You where Evan realizes things are starting to fall apart and that Alana isn't completely unaware and Evan's hurt her and his mom cares so much and has been so hurt by what Evan has done and that Jared isn't going to always be at his beck and call to write more emails whenever Evan needs him to, and that he's also been hurt by Evan's actions. Probably the most important song in the whole musical tbh. And THEN we get Words Fail where Evan just finally has to come to terms with why he's been doing everything, and it's also such a crucial moment for Evan's character Words Fail baby I love youuuuu.

So yeah! I agree that Evan started out with pure intentions, felt trapped, and then ended up finally feeling seen. He's a complicated character that I think gets watered down to a one dimensional poor anxious bean too much, it does a HUGE disservice to his character. I love canon Evan my perfect asshole son WAAAYYY more than fanon Evan did nothing wrong ever he's too anxious to hurt anyone.

With Jared, I actually think one of the most interesting things about him is that line!! Why does he tell Evan to not come clean? He has nothing to gain from it, he isn't even using the lie to get closer to Evan yet because the lie doesn't really exist! And you can't even argue that he's trying to sabotage Evan in this moment because there's nothing to suggest Jared ever actively tries to ruin Evan's life.

Sure, he says he would if he had that letter but nothing in the show suggests that's something Jared would do. He keeps Evan's lie for him the entire show, even when he has no reason too. Jared had cause and means to ruin Evan's life, but chooses not to again and again. So I'd definitely agree that he's not acting with malintent.

How I read that line, and obviously people are free to disagree, is concern. He is genuinely worried about Evan here and what Evan telling the Murphys will do to Evan. It's not even self preservation because he has nothing to do with this yet!

And because Jared is... well Jared, him looking out for Evan is telling him not to come clean! Nod and confirm, boys. Nod and confirm. Like it's this really imperfect, messy answers right? Because he's a teenager whose go to answer is not telling people shit about what's going on with him. Like, so many of Jared's problems would be solved if he knew how to talk to people, like "Hey Ev you're my only friend and you inventing a fake friend who is your best friend kinda sucks and hurts my feelings. Also this thing you're doing is weird and selfish xoxo love Jared." But he can't say that, because he's well. he's Jared.

And then he just offers to write these emails for Evan, and then continuously tries to do shit for Evan in the second act when Evan wants fuck all to do with him it's literally insane how Jared acts. "I can't do any more emails this weekend I have to hang out with my REAL friends 🙄🙄" to immediately "wait I can help with the project please please involve me in your life" like the lie isn't really holding up there Jared 🤨🤨 and then the invite for Evan to come over and drink and just shoot the shit with him he's clearly so desperate for his friend but he's also such an asshole he had to constantly push Evan away at the same time 😭😭😭😭 OHHHH I love them.

[surrealsunday]

helloo! wow it’s been a little while ngl! but when when chap10 was posted i was like “do i read it now or wait till the epilogue is posted? 🤔” and i ended up waiting for the epilogue, idk in my head it’s as logic sjsbdb. meanwhile i decided to rewatch stranger things + skamfr kinda at the same time bc it’s been way too long (for the latter). then the epilogue was posted and haven’t found the time or energy to settle and read the last two chapters (we love uni for that). till tonight!! so here’s my not so little review of the chap10 + the epilogue 😅

-> chap10

woaaah im at loss for words for how cute and beautiful that chapter was omg! the vulnerable moment right after the intensity of their love scene hit me right in the feels, lucas’ “please don’t hurt me (again)” and then eliott hugging him tight saying “i promise” 🥺MY HEART🥺

also these little acts had me giggling and kicking my feet

gosh i’m just so giddy when it comes to them like- THEY. ARE. IN. LOVE. 🥹

OH YEAH the moment when idriss came back home and said “I swear, if you fucked in the kitchen, Eliott -" made me think of that one scene in tempo (i think) when he discovers they did it on the counter and there was like evidences or sth and i just burst out laughing 😭 like i imagined him being so done already with them (/affectionate of course)

-> epilogue

MY HEEAART!! i know i’ve said it like a million times already but i’m so soft for theeem 🥺

i really loved how eliott reassured lucas during the moving, how they once more opened a little to one another. then lucas asking him to say something true abt himself, eliott’s little story was very cute despite starting kinda sad :(( but that little parallel to the minute par minute scene but this time it’s eliott calming lucas down ☹️

but goosh i’m in love with their love, in every universe istg 🥰 like i smiled SO BIG here!

now real thing: i cant believe it’s over now :/ i’m gonna miss them so much, these version of elu is definitely one of my favorite! i wanna thank you for writing this fic that, i’m sure, helped a lot of people (including me) escape their boring ass work/uni life ahah. every time it truly has been an amazing time, even when pain was dominent sometimes. but as always i’d say sjsbsb

wishing you a wonderful friday and weekend, i’m gonna spend mine mourning elu!10things and thinking of how much their love is incredible in every universe 😭💞

gosh i just realized i forgot about to say some more things in my previous message 😭 in my defense it’s 1am so- anyways

i’m also very thankful you listened to the little voice in your brain and wrote that little epilogue, the quote of kat is one of my favorite and it’s really well included! would have been such a waste not having lucas saying this tbh.

also the last pic of chap10, eliott’s post with the shadows…wow i literally stared at it for 10 good minutes it was so well done! especially lucas’ wild hair sbsjsb (also i see you have been generous for some parts 👀)

finally, i thanked you for the fic but i also wanna be grateful to your friend julie for pressing you making this fic alive ahah, bc yeah your elu fic are really one of the most emotionally amazing and still being able to read elu content in, now, 2023 is truly incredible ♥️

Oh my gosh I somehow completely missed the notification for these messages in my inbox. I'm so sorry! I was not ignoring you, I just am a useless human 😂

As always I absolutely love hearing your thoughts. I'm so glad you liked chapter 10 🥹. It was interesting pairing smexy times with some super raw emotional nakedness. I liked it tho. It felt right and natural in the moment.

Your memes btw aldfkjalsdfkja. They kill me 😂😂😂

I thought about Idriss in Tempo too at that moment! I truly don't know why I keep doing these things to poor Idriss lmao. But I make it up to him with Manon. So I don't feel too bad 😌.

Ok, so I very much got minute-by-minute vibes in that moment of the epilogue too, but it wasn't pre-planned that way. I kinda love that you had the same reaction. It just sort of happened and as I was writing it occurred to me that it very subtly nodded to that classic Skam moment. It seems they're determined to be that way in every universe.

Ahhhh the shadow pic! It's one of my faves! I get obsessive about most things (this is not news lmao) so it wasn't surprising that I obsessed over getting those shadows right, but in the end when it did look like them I was sooooo satisfied. And yes, satisfied with the very lovely booty on Lucas too 😌. It makes me so happy you liked it too!

Really it was my absolute pleasure to share this fic, most especially because I seriously do have the best readers in the world, and you all are so generous in leaving me your thoughts and feelings about the story (there is really nothing better than that as a writer). It's a big part of me coming back to Elu over and over, I think. I love reconnecting with all of you. And of course I'm more than happy to provide distraction from real life!

P.S. I told Julie what you said and lemme tell you... the way she got all proud and puffed up on herself 😂😂😂. I told her to take it down a notch but she's already kicking into high gear on harassing me for new stories lol.

Anyways, all the love to you. Thank you again so much for sending me your thoughts as you read the story. 💖💗💞💝

[kristiliqua]

i have been constantly thinking about the damn taz au recently im so ill man

i want to talk about it . so bad . like aaaaaaaa i have some specific bits that i really love but dont wanna spoil at all but RHRHRRRRHHGH FUCK !!!!! i just .,, taz!tallulah . thats it . thats all im saying . i love her :(

also i originally made scott smajor be leon the gachapon guy , but i am now making him be badboyhalo . because Fuck scott smajor ^_^ i am not having a weirdo like him in my au lmao (also bbh is just perf for leon)

also man oh man half the fun for this au for me is simply coming up with chapter titles . ive made it a thing where they have to be srs and rhyme with another bit (thatll go in the ch summary) and boyyy oh boy r they fun to hatch out :D i’ll give u all one just for fun — one that easily comes to mind is “trust or forsake, which will you take? (an eye, an ability, or a life at stake?)” :3 yippee (there are so many chapter titles on god . its a miracle that i actually enjoy coming up with them or else i’d be fucked LMFAO)

also taz!missa is a thing now too . a minor character , but he’s there . bc i said so :)) (taz!deathduo is real btw ur welcome)

man can you tell i really just wanna ramble and gush abt this au . bc i really just wanna ramble and gush abt this au ,,, i love it like it is my baby and i will cherish it forever

frowny face . i want to post Something for this au on ao3 already (i have so many snippets just written bc ,,, i had to let out the energy somehow) but i also dont wanna spoil shit before the actual fic so ????? i guess i’ll suffer . and or just rant abt it on here , el em ay oh

i havent even fully written anything thats for sure gonna be in the main fic (well maybe thats a lie . i have so many snippets that im sure one of them will be usable at some point) . i wrote chapter one (and two ?) a While back , but im def not using that lmfao

jusssst . sigh . i love this au sm and im So sorry to my qsmp followers who followed me for qsmp fanarts and ended up getting a ramble abt some au u dont know or care abt LMAOOO — just ignore this , smile .? or join/spectate my brainrot as i slowly lose my mind , idk

,, also . have i ever said that i made fantasy costco be ‘fantasy tescos’ instead ? bc i did , since in my eyes tescos is just the british version of costco ,,, even though i dont Really know what tescos is , or if its at all similar to costco (im american pls forgive me) but they sound similar so idc (,,, i havent even gone to costco either , actually . im just balling it out here fr)

oh yeah i was thinking abt making a pogtopia wilbur slash vilbur arc thing for taz!wilbur in a particularly long arc in the story (cough cough stolen century cough cough) too ,,,,, so that might be a thing . idk . maybe bro kinda loses it in those hundred years , bc fucking hell how r these mfs still sane after that /hj (its like he becomes apathetic as he sees all of it as meaningless and futile . bc these ppl and this world is gonna die anyway , so what purpose do morals or any kind of care serve ? theyll be gone in a year anyway , it rlly doesnt matter what happens to them before then [later , he Does snap out of it . maybe after a more emotional death hmm who knows] . plus paranoia with the whole impending doom thing el oh el couldnt be me) . methinks i’ll maybe write smth for this idea (smth that u all might never see lmao) . smiley face :))

anyways fuck it this is the end of this long ahh post . beeye

[brw]

Here’s a tough one for you. Which comics characters got the most fucked up by the mcu? Who did they do the most dirty?

WELL, the obvious answer for me is mcu wanda maximoff. she's been whitewashed to the point of being unrecognisable (why does she have bright orange hair?? who fuckin knows!!), her powers are basically jean grey's but redder?? even her magic that wanda learned later seems to be an extension of telekinesis and telepathy and not, ya know, actual magic shit. her costume looks like it's been made of cheap plastic, it's ugly and anyone calling it "comic accurate" (you guys care more abt a comic accurate suit than... whitewashing....) owes me £300.

HOWEVER. this has been talked about extensively by a lot of people who have covered it in far more detail and depth than i ever have. so i'm gonna talk abt some other characters fucked up mcu adaptions, half because it's important to here and half because i was already considering writing posts abt these guys so thank you for enabling me anon!

MONICA RAMBEAU - monica, you know, first person to take on the captain marvel mantle?? one of the most powerful characters in marvel comics, lead the avengers for years, travelled to a satallite in space and back in less than a second, etc etc? faster than quicksilver, basically a immortal, could take carol if it came down to it? what was she in the movies oh yeah a child at first and then a character's who's sole motivation was to defend a white woman's mental breakdown that took the lives of an entire town away from them yup okay.

JANET VAN DYNE - founding member of the avengers person who convinced them to stay together the one who gave them their name who has lead them on more than one occassion, that janet van dyne. who's the founding lady in the mcu, uhh, fucking black widow??? like... what?????? and when it came to the actual ant-man movie she'd been replaced by an au daughter! not even her actual adopted daughter, nadia, a weird au character that is essentially jan but make her a little meaner. janet is, if you ask me, the most important of the first avenger. she's vital to the whole thing and they sidelined her for scarjo. you can imagine my fucking rage!

HANK PYM - like jan, he was replaced, by hawkeye's really boring abled imposter. maybe they thought it'd be too much for them to have TWO neurodiverse scientists on the same team, but his erasure was very prominent to me, ESPECIALLY in age of ultron. ultron without the family drama does not work! the whole thing was that ultron had his brainwaves too, it was an incredibly uncomfortable, sobering reflection of hank as a villain. without that it was just??? where is the interesting dynamics of this! what also rlly pissed me off is that mcu aou is based, obviously, off the comic event age of ultron two years prior. you know what the final message of this comic was? that hank pym, a deeply flawed person who'd made so many mistakes was still important and vital to the world. when he was taken out of the world, everything went to shit. when he came back, he decided to life life without regrets, because he realised his own worth in the world. hank has been... deeply suicidal at points, and as someone who's been there and is neurodiverse like hank this story was one that meant so much to me. and they changed that so tony stark could feel bad, maybe. you can imagine my fucking anger.

THE VISION - listen i do think mcu vision had potential to be an interesting portrayal of the character. vision by nature is a very negative character who has a lot of self hate and conflict based around their own personhood and trying to be human. mcu vision had none of that, and was a more cosmic being. i was interested to see how it worked! and instead of expanding on that, vision's only personality traits seemed to be "dies a lot" and "whitewashed wendy's love interest". like, comic vision is MEAN, that's the thing. i love the vision because they are RUDE, because they openly say that they hate humans, because they're oftentimes violent when allowed and very melodramatic and drama driven. they are a character marked by sad purple prose. mcu vision is just... so nice. where's their unbridled aggression? there was a hint of them being snarky in aou and then it never came up again. mcu vision started out so strong and then immediately fell flat into the mud. i am so incredibly tired.

MANTIS - oh lord, what did they do to her. mantis in comics is a half vietnamese, half cotai/kree experiment empath trained in martial arts who took out thor in her first appearance. this, to be fair, has some not great racial stereotypes. but making her a meek wallflower who delighted in being called ugly and disturbing by drax is just... like, what??? steve englehart at least also made her surprisingly nuanced; despite being interested in wanda's lover, vision, she never once was cruel or mean or showed anything other than kindness to wanda, she stood up for her fellow women, and he also loved her so much he put her in dc when he wrote there for a moment, which honstly, based as fuck. gunn just wrote a gross infantilised version of her, like honestly the difference between her and comic mantis is vast. they kept her powerful, i guess, but the personality she has is honestly so disrespectful to mantis. makes zero sense, either.

there's honestly way more if i was to think on it for a bit, but i'm pretty tired and i feel like this is enough for now. like i said, wanda (and pietro, but i guess he got out early by. dying.) is definitely the worst adapted, but i have problems with a lot of others.

[bronanlynch]

weekly (monthly?) media roundup

ok so I do want to actually do these on some sort of schedule but unfortunately, as you already know, brains,

listening: Malice in Wonderland by Fangbanger, which I found from a tumblr post that described them as band for “if you have a complicated relationship with gender, had a falling out with god, hate the government, or just think that vampires are neat" and y’know? yeah. my notes on this song from several weeks ago are that I might not know any of these people’s genders but I do know they’ve listened to MCR

reading: the new Cassandra Clare book, Chain of Iron. it’s boring and homophobic. in the first book of this series, we find out that the heroine’s brother is gay and in a relationship with a man who has no intention of ever coming out publicly because 1) the book is set in 1903 in England, it was literally illegal and 2) he’s trying to have a career in politics. the heroine decides that this means he’s ashamed of her brother and doesn’t deserve him, and she is present and active in their breakup conversation.

above is the relationship chart I made from the first book, it really hasn’t changed much except now the main guy and the main girl are married, the lesbians got back together and then broke up again, the main girl’s gay brother hooked up with one of her husband’s friend, who’s a Good Gay and therefore worthy of love unlike the Bad Gay ex who is constantly mocked by just about every character for. checks notes. caring about appearances and manners given that his life and career are based on those things. the brother and his new love interest break up because the brother still thinks he’s a bad person for ever having dated his ex. also the main girl has now platonically run off to Paris with her husband’s platonic soulmate who is allegedly in love with her but it’s really unconvincing that he’s not actually in love with her husband (he’s not for very stupid lore reasons, the whole ‘parabatai are magically prevented from being romantically in love, except for these two straight people, when historically parabatai pairs were two men’ makes my fucking blood boil)

you might ask why I still read these books even though they make me angry and the answer is the 1) the aesthetic slaps 2) some of the characters are fun 3) the premise has enough potential that it could be good if it was good 4) sometimes I need to get cathartically angry abt bad fiction bc it just. does not matter

watching: so many things that I’m gonna just. run through them real quick

Word of Honor: gestures vaguely at how it’s slowly taking over my blog

Sleuth of the Ming Dynasty: love a found family, eh about the politics, can’t believe I predictably got a new fave character within the last two episodes of the show because one of the main characters is betrayed by his second-in-command and I think treason is the sexiest part of a relationship

SamBucky show: in the original draft of this post I said that it was so boring that week (episode 3) that I completely forgot about it until I saw the draft below this one talking about how bad and boring it is. at least more happened in later episodes and they’re finally giving me some tasty queerbaiting but the premise and the politics are. wow. it sure is military propaganda

My Hero Academia: new season is fun, love a tournament arc. don’t love that they tell us right away that the double agent character is a double agent, it was more fun in the manga when you’re not sure if he’s a traitor or not for a pretty long time

Welcome to Demon School, Iruma-kun: new season is cute, there sure is some gender happening. there’s a tsundere bisexual catgirl

Backflip!!: I usually avoid high school sports anime for backstory reasons but my roommate wanted to watch it with me and oh boy these gymnasts sure are gay for each other huh

Joran: The Princess of Snow and Blood: my roommate pitched this to me as ‘cyberpunk but in the 1930s’ and there sure is dark lighting, lots of glowy neon stuff, and government oppression, which are the most important elements of cyberpunk apparently. not sure how I feel about it yet, because there’s a cool shapeshifting lady assassin with a revenge quest but there’s also a trans character who was revealed to be trans in a way that I personally did not enjoy. yes you can have transphobic villains but like. hmm. maybe the audience shouldn’t find out that someone is trans because the villain cuts his shirt away specifically to ~put him in his place. or maybe I personally am just sensitive to that but either way no thank you

on the other hand, the main character is sick as shit

The World Ends with You: god I love an anime about the power of friendship. I’ve only had these kids for two episodes and I would lay down my life for them

Nirvana in Fire: we’re only three episodes in and I did spend the first half of the first ep being like. oh god which of these people are actually important who am I supposed to care about here. and then by the end of the first ep I knew which ones I cared about and am now very afraid for their safety. do love the political intrigue though

playing: got through the first mission of Brigmore Witches. I love a good undercover mission, I wish I hadn’t been too afraid of like. alarms going off if I freed the other prisoners because I think Comrade Daud should do a jailbreak, and Lizzy Stride can call me anytime

also recently have played various ttrpgs including Firebrands, more Things, Eldritch and Terrifying, Link, and of course more Beam Saber (oh shit I meant to do my recap post for last session OOPS)

making: Zan and I made some real good chicken parm the other night, vaguely based on this recipe. by which I mean, we looked at the recipe to see how many eggs to use and how long to cook it and pretty much nothing else. the egg marinade step seemed unnecessary and I made the sauce the way I always make tomato sauce, which some day I should write down because it does in fact fuck. the secret is a shit-ton of oregano and basil and no chunks of tomato because fuck that. bad texture

Zan made the zucchini which also slapped, using some of the leftover bread crumbs

writing: I’ve posted a couple of things but most recently I wrote some rarepair femslash. this is the first fic for this ship on ao3 and the second ship in the f/f tag for this fandom that’s actually about the women in the show (as opposed to showing up in the f/f tag because it’s marked as “multi” or like. genderbent versions of the main m/m ship) but like. look at them. they’re terrible evil assassin women and they’re in love. anyway I’ve gotten over being embarrassed about having written a sex scene and moved on to wanting people to read my fic. there’s sparring as foreplay it’s a good time

[lexicals]

Liner notes for An Echo, An Answer

Okay let's give this a go I guess? I may add more to this if I remember things too lol

Fair warning this is an exceedingly long post. It has ~subheadings~ (ooh). These cover: 

Fun Facts

Notes about mira

Notes on actual writing/plot

Post-canon tidbits (to be supplemented by actual post-canon oneshot coming maybe not soon but definitely at some point probably)

Needless to say this contains some BIG OL’ SPOILERS. Please enjoy o:

Some general Fun Facts™:

When I posted the first few chapters of this fic, I didn't have a fucking clue where it was going. I didn't even know how kravitz died until I'd already posted like 10 chapters lmao. This was a stressful way to write and I am never doing that again

In terms of inspo, I remember there being a fic in which taako was a ghost and kravitz was a medium (if anyone knows what fic this is PLEASE tell me I cannot find it) and I think I subconsciously took inspiration from this. Also I’d already written a vampire au and I wanted more undead boyfriend shenanigans, I looove playing with the liminal aspects of kravitz being a dead-but-not-dead character

There was a goof version of this fic where kravitz wasn't from the 1900s at all and died in like. The early 2000s or something. He died having come back from/at a costume party, people assumed he was an actual ye olde victorian ghost, and he decided to just lean into it. Cue fake accent. This was scrapped mainly because I loved the ‘sleepy hollow’-esque man-out-of-time shenanigans way too much and also because I know very little about the early-2000s US but do you know what I do know a moderate amount about? 1900s england

I have not read the cask of amontillado and I did not know what it was until seeing the memes, which was after I wrote the basement body twist. I just wanted to have a cheesy secret basement behind a bookcase c'mon it's a murder mystery in an old spooky house let me have this

Anyone who's followed my content for a while probably knows that I'm a big trans kravitz stan, but I dithered over making him trans in this fic a Lot. This was mostly down to self-doubt abt a story ft. a trans man living as his preferred gender in that time period would be deemed "unrealistic" but in the end I said fuck it I want this & I think that was the correct move. Also I read a fair bit about absolute legend dr james barry & that made me a bit more confident about committing to the decision bc these people did exist & they deserve their rep

You may notice that all of the major OCs created for this fic are women. This was an accident but also I stand by it bc I think it helps to balance out the fact that so much of the ‘screentime’ is being dominated by the male leads (inc. angus, who probably has the 3rd most screentime after taako & krav). They’re also all just, absolutely indomitable people. I have a type when it comes to OCs. Speaking of:

Notes on mira:

Mira was very much a character created to serve a purpose, but she ended up becoming a lot more than that and I'm glad people warmed up to her while reading as much as I did while writing. She wasn't going to have anywhere near as much screen time initially as she did in the end but I just loved her & how her relationship with kravitz turned out so much that I ended up writing a bunch of snippets with the two of them just for me, which eventually turned into the fragment chapters because I wanted to share how gd cute they were. Also they ended up being pretty useful for plot too lol

She and flossy were actually kind of the same character to begin with, being kravitz's best friend who he lived with in a kind of lavender marriage with neither of them interested in the other but being happy enough being friends & pretending. I scrapped this pretty early for a lot of reasons but she was still the cause of his death in that version, whether or not she actively killed him. I think there was a gambling debts element at some point

Whatever iteration of the story, she was always going to be the cause of death. I ruled out actual murder pretty early on because I didn't want to tell a story about a gay, black trans man getting murdered in cold blood in his own home, which in a ghost story only really leaves manslaughter, and an accidental killing by a loved one was an idea that followed pretty hot on the heels of that decision - it's very sad, but there's no hatred behind it, so it's not too outright depressing for what is most likely an audience with a high population of marginalised people. That bittersweetness of tone - sad events, but almost always with loving intentions behind or around them - ended up being a real touchstone for the story as a whole

In terms of post-canon content for her, or I guess just stuff that wasn't mentioned in-fic lol, my idea of how her life played out is that she was a pretty solid pillar of her community for a very long time. She took what kravitz said about thinking about what she wanted to add to the world very much to heart, and her answer was for her to be to as many kids and vulnerable people as possible what kravitz was to her. Obviously in the end she poured a lot of herself into helping others out of guilt for having killed a man who she likely remembered a little rose-tinted, but the intent was always there before that too

I don't know how much this came across in the actual text but mira is mixed race (Black/white), though she is Black-coded in terms of how people see and respond to her (please tell me if I’m using these terms incorrectly). I downplayed a lot of the racial elements of this fic bc I don’t feel like it’s my place as a white writer to delve into those areas, but it is an element of her story that ties into anti-miscegenation laws and general societal attitudes and I didn’t just want to entirely gloss over those aspects, bc that wouldn’t be right of me either, so I can only hope the balance ended up working here, and for kravitz’s story too. I did a lot of the writing for mira’s story before even really thinking about this angle which is something I’ve learnt from now bc oh boy should I have thought about it sooner lmao........

Anyway. I love her. I’m very glad that other people love her too

In terms of story writing:

I used to watch A LOT of crime dramas when I was younger, and got so familiar with the structure of them that I used to predict who the killer was going to be about a quarter of the way into them almost every time. Most of the time the killer is someone introduced early on as someone fairly innocuous, but still notable, before the narrative doubles down on a red herring suspect who's proven innocent about 3/4 of the way through, paving the way for the real twist killer. You see where I took my base structure from here

So, mira is introduced early on as someone important to kravitz, who was involved in his life (& death) somehow, but in general she's more suggested to be a victim than a culprit - because of course she is, she’s a child and she loves him! I'm only just realising now that this is a "person of interest" style plot twist here. (Remember what I said about the crime dramas? Just so many of them.) But then in the end she suffered just as much as anyone else, so I guess you could say she's both a victim and a culprit, even by accident.......

Structurally I'm actually really happy with how this turned out. In my head (BECAUSE OH BOY I DID NOT WRITE ANY OF THIS DOWN! Or at least not in a coherent way) the story was split into three mini arcs - the enemies section ending with the kitchen blowout, the friends section ending with the the bay window scene, and the lovers section which covers the rest of the fic. This ended up integrating really well with the main mysteries/pulls of the story - the first being the will-they-won't-they (they will, it’s fanfiction, but how?) of the romance element, and then once that's tapering off starting to dig more into the murder mystery element, which had been more of a subplot up until then, while the romance moves onto the back burner a little bit. The dual genre was an interesting challenge to try to balance and I think it turned out pretty well!

While I'm on this, setting up my breadcrumb trails for the plot twists was simultaneously very stressful and very rewarding. Trying to keep things obvious enough to be noted but subtle enough not to give the whole game away? Gave me so many headaches lmao. I actually thought for sure that some people would twig about the body in the cellar sooner than ch42, but then actually in ch42 way more people picked up on fisher's sniffing around than I expected. Clues are hard!! But at the same time seeing the handful of people who called mira as an adoptive daughter, or the fact that krav fell down the stairs, or the fact that mira's og parents were involved was very cool and it made me very happy to see people picking up the little stuff and putting it together

QUITE A FEW PEOPLE SAID NICE THINGS TO ME ABOUT HOW CLEVER THE PIANO TUNING ANGLE WAS. I CANNOT TAKE COMPLETE CREDIT FOR THIS. IT WAS A PLOT HOLE THAT I SUDDENLY REGISTERED OUT OF NOWHERE WHILE I WAS IN THE SHOWER & THEN ENDED UP WORKING IN SO I GUESS IT TURNED OUT FOR THE BEST & MADE ME LOOK VERY SMART BUT IT WAS AN ACCIDENT

Something else that a couple of people have noted & that I only realised in the process of writing was the fact that a lot of kravitz's ghostliness in this fic has the potential to be read as an allegory for chronic illness/disability. This was something I only caught onto myself while I was writing the scene on the porch at the end of ch42 when I was writing kravitz's dialogue and was like..... oh shit that's a thing huh. Bc he is, y'know, quite literally housebound and limited in what he can do in a lot of ways, which is part of the reason I really tried to hammer home in that chapter that even though the fic ends with him being 'cured' (because that ending was always the intention from day one before I ever thought about this reading), they would have been happy together regardless. Love is not conditional!

Post-canon thoughts:

Taako and kravitz go into the house. Kravitz says oh my god what is that smell. Taako says he made blueberry pie earlier. Kravitz says okay we're putting bedroom fun times on hold I need that RIGHT NOW

Kravitz eats way too much too fast and spends the rest of the afternoon curled up on the sofa with a horrible stomach ache. He is not used to that much rich food. Taako is not impressed with this

He rolls his eyes and they watch a movie and talk instead and get to the bedroom fun times later

On the topic of food you Know krav ends up with a bit of a tummy from taako spoiling him. He looks & feels great and taako loves how comfy he is

Also on the topic of bodies I think krav does a lot of experimenting initially with what feels good now that he has a lot more freedom in presentation. He likes to mess with his hair a lot. Dresses and skirts are still a bad feel but a little makeup is fun sometimes. Kravitz living his best undeath 2k18 (I took so long to finish this fic it’s set 2 years ago now lmaoooo)

Kravitz lets taako drive him somewhere exactly Once before vowing NEVER AGAIN taako's driving privileges are REVOKED kravitz is going to get magnus to teach him to drive instead.

Taako says what the hell are you gonna do if you get pulled over you are a hundred and thirty and also dead you can't get a license. (He could get him a fake one, but he's not going to, because he's being petty about kravitz insulting his driving.) Kravitz says fine show me yours then. Taako says no but kravitz steals it anyway. A minute later he’s produced his own undoubtedly fake license out of nowhere complete with a fake DOB and a very nice picture

Taako says gasp kravitz that's ILLEGAL. Also you know you have to make this picture worse if you want it to be convincing right

Kravitz starts giving angus music lessons. Angus isn’t a natural by any means but he works hard and that gets him a long way

OH ACTUALLY I SHOULD PROBABLY SAY SMTH ABOUT THE REUNIONS HUH. GINNY THESE ARE FOR YOU:

Maybe it's weird to start with barry but the poor man has to have a sit down. He has so many questions. Kravitz what is the afterlife like it's fine you can tell him just give him a hint please and also can he maybe get like. A blood sample or something. No that's not weird it's for science what are you talking about taako bring him back

Kravitz is fully expecting lup to wreck his shit, and she acts like she's going to right up until she's close enough to give him a big ol hug instead. She says she missed him a lot & that he's much nicer to hug now that he's not a freezy boy, and kravitz goes ;_;

It's a very tight hug though. In some ways it is still a punishment

Also could he maybe hook her up with this death goddess of his? Lup would like to be immortal too, kravitz. Kravitz can you get a resume to your boss and could you write lup a reference while you're at it

Angus!! He’s so happy to have his other uncle back!! There’s a new caleb cleveland book he needs to read so they can talk about it!! All of this after a lot of crying and hugging.

I think at some point they do go over to visit mira’s descendants. Taako says hi remember me? I brought my boyfriend to visit! Unnamed great great grandchild #1 is like um he looks kind of familiar. Kravitz says well yes there is kind of a reason for that and it’s because I’m in that picture on the wall over there, hi I’m your great great grandfather nice to meet you

The family is a little weirded out by this at first but eventually they’re like. Well alright I guess do you want a coffee

Kravitz says yes please god do you know how many people keep offering me tea

He babysits for the youngest ones sometimes. The kids love him and the adults are happy to give him stories in exchange for his time, seeing as that’s all he asks for

Taako says ask them for money and contribute to this household kravitz. Kravitz says absolutely not they’re family and you’re already getting my youtube ad revenue

Yes kravitz has a youtube channel and is also very involved in the local music scene. He can’t do anything that would technically be classed as interfering with the flow of the living world but no-one said he can’t anonymously share some of his music here and there

Johann gets him a gig conducting for his orchestra every now and then. Kravitz is fucking ecstatic and finally gets to conduct some of his own pieces in front of an audience. Maybe they actually get to that biography johann mentioned at some point. Idk I haven’t thought about that part too much

Okay I wrote WAY more than I meant to here but I hope at least some of it was interesting and feel free to ask me questions if there are elements I’ve missed off of here that you want to hear more about! (Bearing in mind some of the answers may be “actual post canon content coming soon/later” lol.) As you can tell I have a lot of things to say about this fic & I’m always more than happy to hear that people are interested!! o:

[kachinnate]

reblogn’t, there’s nothing too triggery about this it’s just semi personal re: how one of my ex-best friends ruined lgw from b//mc for me and also just like... in the same vein the Less Discussed portion of my spring of ‘19 Traumas bc this ex-best friend out of 3 caused the least damage and therefore in my mind he got away with a lot more

i’ve just been thinkin about it a lot, idk. i don’t think i’ve ever talked about this specific thing to anyone (explicitly or in detail) and it’s bothered me for so long and i know talking about it on here fixes nothing rlly but.. idk! some kayla lore if you wanted it, mayhaps this will get deleted in like ten minutes after being posted so get it hot while you can

just for context my junior year of high school (aka the Worst One) i drove my at-the-time best friend to school every day -- we lived like a street away from each other, and he didn’t like the Bus and he wasn’t always able to take his mom’s car because we both did theatre together and therefore would be at the school for a Long Ass Time, and like... he was my friend! so i drove him to school! and.. in times like that, it was a good incentive to get myself up, too, cuz shit was lowkey rough back then and i’d feel bad if i made both of us late. 

said best friend was super into musical theatre - like, he wanted to be a musical theatre major, so he’s super well versed on like Most Musicals all the classics w/e .. snob doesn’t feel like the right word bc sometimes he genuinely Did like stuff that was simply Silly/dumb for the sake of it being Silly/dumb but it’s the closest word i can think of. i was constantly embarrassed that my favorite musical was d//eh, and to this day he still barely knows anything about it because 1. he himself didn’t listen/pay much attention to it and 2. despite it literally being my hyperfixation since like my sophomore year, i didn’t feel comfortable talking to him about it bc of what few criticisms he gave it. but he did know it was my fav, he knew that i had a Love for w/rol bc i talked abt him a lot. 

lgw was the first thing from b//mc broadway to get released - and i know like 3-4 different versions of it got released too lmao but this was like the Very First One, i’d never heard it before! i didn’t realize it’d been released until i was idling in front of his house so naturally i was like “oh bet let’s listen to it together” 

he didn’t really like b//mc either for the same reasons he didn’t like d//eh, but it was like... much less so, idk - he liked m//itb so like i figured it was indifference at best.. but regardless uh my fuckin car i’m gonna listen to it if i want to <3 also like if it was good i doubt he’d care abt what it was from 

anyway, he got in, and i played it. the drive to school isn’t that far, so it finished like, while we were in the busy lane waiting to turn into our high school

and like i was really “:DD” bc like it was good that w/rol note held out at the end was kinda Magical and also in context of the musical??? wow YES jeremy finally getting his Protagonist Song(tm) he deserves it and it makes me feel !!!

i hadn’t said anything yet, but literally the first words out of my friend’s mouth were some semblance of “wow, that was terrible” which like. yeah. killed the mood pretty quick skdjgnsdf

he like started digging Into it like making fun of the chorus and will’s voice and i was kinda just quiet like “oh,,, i guess,,” bc i didn’t know what else to do, like i felt bad immediately trying to defend it bc i’d only heard it that One time and also confrontation is hard and confrontation specifically w him was hard, especially bc he was like Genuinely ragging on the song, not in a jokey way

and like.... he eventually stopped because he could tell i was genuinely getting distressed and he kept going like “hey it’s nbd kayla it’s not like you wrote the song” which jsdkgsd to this day i’m not sure what that means or why he thought it’d be comforting but. whatever. the whole thing made me feel really bad and inferior 

in the coming weeks of the actual b//mc soundtrack getting released he also made fun of ilpr at one point, how st/ephanie h/su was “”too much”” or something - idk. those criticisms didn’t bug me as much bc at that point i’d already been resigned about the whole thing, and it’s not like i played that song for him and he said that, he’d listened to it on his own time and just thought for some reason to mention it to me. 

and it’s frustrating, because i can’t even be like “he just doesn’t like new musicals”, bc he really liked h//adestown and there’s usually a musical or two from the tony’s every year he gets into, it was just like... the ones i liked he didn’t [pensive] and i know i know it wasn’t personal, he’s just LIKE that, but .... aughhh it really bothered me when he’d dig into stuff i liked and was always just like “u didn’t write it u didn’t make it” like that was supposed to make my interest in this Thing despite his Distaste ok.... 

and like despite this he was still the person i was closest to - this was merely a blip in the whole grand scheme of things, just.. something that bugged me. it took me until after i graduated to realize he’d been a sociopath, that he was never choosing me, i was just.. around, which. sucks. i spent a lot of time sitting with him in my car in front of his house talking about musicals and life for more hours than i’d like to admit. when he broke down crying on his 18th birthday telling us that he didn’t know if he’d ever be enough, i thought that i’d actually started to understand him. 

he’d been my ‘best friend’ since elementary school. i dated him at one point before we both realized we were queer. we’d been the only two seniors who’d been in every show together. despite all the bullshit, he was always there. he assimilated to the personality of our friend group every year when we were around different people, but he was still around, i was still always there for him - he couldn’t assimilate to my personality because to him there were no traits to take, we’d known each other for too long. 

a couple weeks into senior year, i full on sobbed to him in my car telling him about how he and the friend group made me feel so bad last year, told him about how i stopped taking my meds during the musical. he told me that he had no idea that i was feeling like that, that he didn’t know. but i’d driven him to school every day.

the last time we’ve talked in person was march 14th, the last day school for the 2019-2020 year was in session. 

i haven’t taken it off, but i skip lgw whenever it comes on my musical playlist because it still makes my chest feel tight.

[kouei116]

IkeSen Ieyasu and Kennyo's birthday story event between 1-8/1/20

There is one more thing I want on my birthday. Do you understand what I want the most? … Of course it’s you. What I want to treasure/cherish for the rest of my life, is only you. My head is always full of you 💛💛💛

Birthday is a special day that comes once a year. Ieyasu said he doesn’t need any gifts, but you want him to be happy, even just a little bit. You pour all your hearts into making the celebration plan.

“How much (more) happiness will you give me?”  ~TsunTranslator: I think he means you make him so happy already, how much more happy will you make him til he bursts into a fluffy ball of sunshine 💛

Both of your hearts loving each other will be tied together for a moment of supreme bliss. 

New route Ieyasu: A gift full of good wishes 💛 You are worried how to make Ieyasu happy, and Mitsunari offers to help you. Meanwhile, Ieyasu’s face looks like something is troubling him... 

Revived route Ieyasu: Hidden memory 💛 You heard that there is something from his past that Ieyasu treasures is being kept safely in Sunpu castle. It is related to Ieyasu’s unfortunate days of being a hostage…? 

New route Kennyo: Shape of happiness Your life has become safe/stable, then one winter day. You are busy every day to prepare for Kennyo’s birthday, however, seeing you like that, Kennyo becomes worried about you... 

Ieyasu’s birthday story set with story from his POV, still image, castle background:  If you say anything more…. I’m very happy, everything will turn out alright 💛

---

Just one thing I want to say, I really hope, if you haven't read Yasu's route/ given up his route halfway/dislike him, please consider giving him another chance during his birthday month (๑´╹‸╹`๑)  I know his beginning prickliness can be quite hard to swallow, but once you get past that, he's an inspirational role model and a very sweet loving bf 💛💛💛

I suck at writing so normally I stick to translation/summary and keep my opinions to a minimum. But Yasu is special so I wrote a looong rambling of my luv for him and keep it under cut to not bore/terrify people 〆(･ω･*)  Also sorry Kennyo, this is a joint bday event but i didn't include much abt you (your prizes are very pretty though!) but pls let Yasu shine on my blog~ 

Of course my first (proper) post of 2020 is for my fav warlord Mr. Angry Fluffball 💛This time last year Kenshin was my fav but before I realize, Yasu just pronks straight to my No 1; converts me to like Cybird tsundere guys; amplifies my luv for Louis, Mozart, Vincent (the only not-tsun here :P), Kei (a blonde tsun model in Cybird's Suite room sleeping princess game) and the yellow colour as well.

Hmmm, I wonder why I like Yasu so much? His route is cute but tbh I still like Kenshin's dramatic end more (the cell and the sword room scene at the end are very striking to me). Yasu is prickly at the beginning but somehow whenever he appears, my phone screen just brights up 1000%, anything he said, grumpy/sarcastic or not, makes me smile like an idiot at the screen. I think I started falling for him during his bday story event 2019, especially the Hidden memory route gave me so much feels. I really respect and admire his spirit, his work ethic, his attitude, his grit. He has a tough childhood, but he never gives up, he perseveres, he patiently trains, he waits, he crawls from the deep dark pit at the bottom to where he is today, desperately trying to become stronger. True, he can't express his feelings in words well, he doesn't throw me into a cell/cage or chain me up with ribbons. Uhm, I usually favour yandere, clingy, troubled abnormal creepy suitors in otome games. Yasu is the opposite to my long-time yandere bias and he still manages to make me fall so hard for him // v //

I hope by next near, Yasu is still my fav warlord, because I plan to to get all his bday bonuses when this bday event comes to ENG. I wish I could get them now for the JP version, but it's impossible for me to compete in ranking with Japanese players, they are much much more dedicated Yasu's waifu then I am. I'm so so sorry Yasu ;u; Hopefully Cybird will stay strong for many years to come so I can continue throwing all my money and votes to Yasu and his tsun friends/bros from different era haha (ﾉ´ヮ´)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

Happy Birthday Ieyasu, I love so much I don't know what to do with myself anymore~ ( ˶˘ ³˘(⋆❛ ہ ❛⋆)!♡

Yuuki 

Jan 2020

[oddjobsqueen]

Gintama The Final Chapter Review.

This will probably be the last time I’m reviewing a Gintama chapter. It’s not something that I’ve steadily pursued, but I’ve always enjoyed writing them, so I’m gonna miss that. Some of the more important scenes will have a separate post and not be included here. There are many things I wish we could’ve seen, many things I wish didn’t happen. But that didn’t suck the fun out of the series for me, so we can totally save the ranting and raving for later. Gintama is not perfect. It is far from being unproblematic. Fans always say that Gintama has the best this, has the best that... I never agree. But that’s okay, I don’t need Gintama to be perfect. If you love something you have to take the bad with the good, that’s how you learn, and we are all capable of drawing the line between what’s wrong and what’s right, so there’s no reason we can’t enjoy the final chapter, or even the series in its entirety. Besides, Gintama promotes way more positivity than it does negativity, and given that it’s the last chapter, it deserved to be celebrated for its best parts. 

My only complain going into this chapter is, 704 is such an ugly even number to end a beautiful series at. Let’s go.

From “Nobody With A Natural Perm Can Be That Bad” to “Nobody With A Natural Perm Is A Decent Guy”.  We’ve come full circle.

Shoyou straight up said in our face that Katsura is the smartest and the most intelligent and has the highest IQ and the one with the most braincells among all of his students... I mean...DAMN RIGHT HE IS!  I wish Zura and Shoyou had interacted more face to face.

I hate that he had to watch Takasugi die after trying to protect him all this time

wHY IS IT everytime Gintoki’s future is mentioned, Tae is in the shot?

Sorachi implying Tae as a member of the Yorozuya, this tea is tasty. 

This is why Katsura is the best Joui Brother

Diamond Perfume assembles!

Yamazaki is hilarious and the girls are wild! I’m laughing at Zenzo

Hmmm, those who wants her to confess...seems like she knows Gintoki already knew. 

“The rest of the Yorozuya”...again Sorachi (subconsciously?) implying Tae as a Yorozuya. And Zura is getting comfortable with his newest title I see?

Oh wow. This is beautiful. I’m so happy that Shoyou got to see Gintoki’s family...his 2 kids...he even has a pet and a wife/partner figure...someone Shoyou didn’t have. Shoyou knows that Shinpachi and Kagura to Gintoki is what Gintoki was to him. Gintoki turned him good. Turned the demon into a human. Just like the Yorozuya changed Gintoki from the demon’s child, the White Demon, into-

-SUCH A GREAT PERSON. 

Of course...there’d be no Gintama without Tama...without a soul to store all of these lessons.

Why is the terminal still there...I thought it was destroyed

Can’t tell if he’s mocking people who died or if he’s given up on life

Everything’s changed. Edo’s changed. They have all changed individually. They’d moved on with their lives. Gintoki found a purpose, Kagura left to travel the universe, Shinpachi ran Yorozuya on his own, Tae had her own business...Sorachi already explored the path where all these characters got their shonen-styled endgames. And then Gintoki came home. Suddenly it doesn’t feel like anything has changed at all...because they’re all still together. And they decided that’s how they want their lives to be. Because at the end of the day that’s how real life is, no matter how much we’ve changed, we’ll always come back home, to our family.

IDIOT? Excuse me he’s the brighest prodigy of Shoka Shojuku get it right mthrfckr. But HAHAHAHA ISTG I love the straightman’s act in this chapter so much it’s so funny and nothing feels forced. 

I feel sorry for Catherine for having to leave Gintama looking like that. Really wanted to see the best version of herself one last time.

Why- who ruined this moment. Who the fuck is actually narrating this shit I’m dying

Best part of the epilogue...PRINCESS SOYO REIGNS OVER THE COUNTRY WITH NOBUME AS HER RIGHT HAND WOMAN! 

Idk who is more delusional Kondo or K*ntae shippers

Sorachi (abt K*ntae): “Things that didn’t happen”...”Blatant lies”

Fandom: K*ntae is the closest ship to becoming canon in the end uwu

She’s just leeching off of him as usual but it’s gone up to the national treasury now, look how much my queen has changed!

We all want the same thing Sougo. For you to commit seppuku.

Next issue I’m screamingggg...boy the ambition! The Zurazabeth tho wtf???....and RoboZaki has multiplied oh dear lord

Sacchan is sucking the bokuto’s handle...so the handle is the dick?

My son looks so handsome!

The B-B-Brightest Prodigy of Shouka Shonjuku

When the fuck was Matako powerless Sorachi what the fuck

Somebody give this man the validation he needs...he’s the brightest prodigy of shouka shonjuku

Is Gintoki sad about Shoyou and Takasugi or because Tatsuma disrespects his name

This psycho!

Shoyou saved him. Again. And now Matako is gonna give him a reason to live. NOPE I’M NOTT CRYYIIIINGGG 

Some people are just unlucky...and Hasegawa is here to remind us of that reality.

Let him finish his sentence! He’s not wrong!

Be Forever Yorozuya^^^

THIS IS THE BEST ENDING.

This is how Sorachi had always planned to end Gintama. He wrote BFY as the original ending, lets remember that, and he followed BFY’s storyline very closely in Silver Soul. I couldn’t be more satisfied.

People who are complaining, I’m glad they’re unhappy about how this final chapter turned out, because they never understood Sorachi, or his story, or his characters. They got what they deserve. For the rest of us, congratulation for sticking with the Yorozuya until the very end.

[bma-2020]

POST-SERIES THINGS, HOW MALLY GOT TO THE OYSTER WORLD.

(Notice for spoilers to Sy/fy Alic/e if you haven’t watched it and care abt spoilers or smthn)

     WHICHEVER method of Mally during the miniseries we go with (Method one: She joins Hatter and Alice on their endeavors when Hatter goes to find her in the forest. Method two: She’s been trapped in the Casino for awhile, after Jack Heart finds out where she is, goes to interrogate Hatter, and she turns herself in to ensure he doesn’t get in trouble for it.) This is how it ends up.

As Bean pointed out in this one post from probably 2014 or so since I was already following bean by that point, that I will forever be linking to even tho Bean doesn’t write Hatter anymore n tries to hide the fact that Bean can do math better than basically everyone or at least me, before Hatter goes through the looking glass to find Alice, it’s at least three months in Wonderland time. That’s why he’s all healed up, has nicer hair, changed his hat, god better clothes, all that. 

Whatever happened, I do have it where Mally was with him during that time. Whether it’s the healing period from being trapped for so long, or just her trying to fix him up because he’s a wreck and in denial of being a wreck, either way, she’s not the kind to ditch her friend. Especially when the new king is the same dude who she was forcibly engaged to before she ran away, gaslit her, tried to convince her to ‘work with him’ and he could ‘convince his mother to let her go’ before she was sent down to the asylum, she’s not happy about the current royalty. That, on top of how he’s treated hatter in the past (I know the series doesn’t go into it but I highly highly highly doubt Hatter was that antagonistic towards Jack just out of jealousy and because he was the Queen’s son, it seemed a bit more personal than that. ) she ain’t about that.

But, she notices just about everything about Hatter. Now, of course, as much as I don’t say anything bc I don’t want ppl to be all ‘oh you’re trying to force ship’ when a: i’m not. b: unrequited shit. c: this was canon for her when I wrote w other hatters throughout 2013 or so through 2015, I didn’t say anything, I avoided saying anything, but Mally definitely has always had some kind of love for him. It’s in her nature, she is in love with Hatter, and she won’t say anything, so I don’t either. We all know how I am, I don’t even tell people when I do ship the muses and would wanna write it out cause yknow, I have massive anxiety about that and scaring people away so if I let them come to me abt it instead its not my idea first and I can’t be ‘awful or terrible’ for being a person yknow how it is. 

Anyways, she definitely would have noticed that he was missing Alice. And, while from how we know my writing goes, she has those reflections of the original wonderland, she has vague memories of the original alice ( which, in the version where she was taken by Jack and put back in the asylum, those memories expand a lot. Thus meaning, she remembers a whole lot more about the original wonderland because she can’t avoid it in that situation.) she liked Alice H, but she didn’t view her as the ‘legend’, she didn’t see her as an ideal, she honestly would have preferred if he wanted to go find the OG Alice, but long and behold.

She’d convince him to do what was best for him.

Even in the situation where he’d be trying to help her out of that trauma, she’d still tell him not to worry about her, because she only wants what would make. him. happy. 

And yeah, that fucks her up when he actually goes.

I don’t think she said that with the belief he’d actually go, so him actually going definitely wasn’t expected. She wouldn’t have wanted him to go, she wanted him happy, but I think inside she actually thought he’d just choose her over someone he knew for three days. That’s her headspace, don’t twist my thought process on this bc I actually ship this specific version of h/attice but mally would still be like ‘you knew her for three frickan days dude’

so she’s extremely not okay during the first few weeks after he left. Jack tried to contact her during that time, he’s still trying to get her to work with/for him, she’s not about that. Even in a completely damaged state of mind, she ain’t gonna go with Jack Heart for anything.

But, during that damaged period, is when the Cheshire Cat comes back. She’s talked to him before, he’s the only one with complete memories of the prior world and the current world, he doesn’t actually tell anyone anything. He talks to her about the Wonders. She does wander off to try and find the Vorpal Blade, and she does. In the process, she comes across Necros.

Necros spoke to her for a few moments, and ultimately when she said she didn’t want to be around him, he left her alone. One of the first people since Hatter to show her any ounce of respect like that, tbh. She does have a moment of time where she ends up in the Court of Swords, learns her mom is a Queen, all that jazz, realizes her own mother wants to use her for something, nothing pretty comes of that. 

But, within a few weeks, she ends up having a breakdown in the forest, she’s alone, she’s abandoned, nobody wants to help her, everyone she meets wants to use her, the one person she thought wouldn’t hurt her left her for a girl he knew for three days. and then Necros finds her, alone in the forest of Wabe, he doesn’t say anything to her, but he does offer her a hand, and she ends up going with him. That’s how she ends up coming to the underground.

Necros, Celeste, the underground just treats her nicely. She’s not used to it, she sees that nice treatment as a huge ‘what the fuck’ tbh, she’s just like ‘idk what’s happening rn but they arent hurting me so’ Necros has Monstrous Crow train Mally further, as Monstrous Crow can replicate others powers and helps them to fully achieve their ‘perfect’ status. From what she understood, they weren’t helping her to ‘use’ them, they were trying to help her not have to isolate herself anymore. With Monstrous Crow’s powers, they were able to develop a stronger version of her brother’s injectables that allowed others to touch her (as, March and Hatter were the only two that weren’t affected by her extremely cold temperature). 

This was a lot stronger than the one her brother developed. They made one that she could take instead. Granted, if she takes it, it weakens her excessively for days at a time, so Necros doesn’t recommend she take it over convincing whoever else to do it, cause they only need one injection and they’re done, never have to worry about it again. She’d have to do it every few days and it hurts her, they tried finding a way outside of that, because she could get to the point of her own power where she can stop it, but she’s not there yet. She might never get there. 

And, she chose to stay with them because the idea of completely getting rid of the Hearts family and bringing the true royalty back to Wonderland (the High Arcana, since the White and Red families weren’t around anymore, either finding a surviving relative fit to rule or convincing the court of fools to stop keeping away from it) and Mally actually made it go beyond that. She wanted Alice to come back and rule because nobody would be more fit to rule than her and Necros agreed, thus it seemed fitting to put her in charge of their operations in the Oyster land. 

Now, a lot of the underground are magical and they’re scientists. They learned methods to transfer back and forth from the oyster world without the time shenanigans that happen with others. This basically means that they can use the looking glasses they made to traverse back and forth and the time they spend in oyster land, when they go back to wonderland the same amount of time still passed. They went beyond the study of realm travel to ensure they didn’t lose anything. 

Monstrous Crow went with her, and the original idea was ‘saving’ oysters that... were better than average humans, and who were suffering in their realm and needed to be accepted, needed people to help them feel better about themselves, honestly because who better to convince to be on your side than someone longing for positive attention. Mally still helps with that, but she’s also going beyond that, and she’s trying to find out where Alice Liddell went. What happened to her. 

She knows that after 150 years of their time, it could have been more for the oysters, and she knows oysters dont live that long. But she also knows Alice wasn’t all human, that there was something supernatural about her that gave her the ability to control aspects of Wonderland. Therefore, she believes that she can’t be entirely gone. Part of her had to be reborn into someone or something else and that’s who Mally’s trying to find, particularly hoping that she’ll be like Mally is and have recollections of the past. That’s her main goal. 

But, there’s another goal she has too. She is actually trying to find Hatter. I think it’s more for closure on her end, to learn if he’s happy, see if his ‘ditching her’ made life better for him. That would lead to a lot more emotional spikes on her end cause, lbr, she’s gonna think abt the fact that he was only happy after leaving her behind, she acts extremely self confident but internally she’s a mess. 

[lunima]

@@@@@ SPREAD THE LOVE BABE

   // HEAPS LOVE ACROSS THE DASH / SELECTIVELY ACCEPTING

@hybridea​ : RYE, MY FAVORITE LOAF OF BREAD. I’m so glad I found Rye again after like?? a solid YEAR and a half I think?? It’s been a fucking MINUTE. Rye is so endlessly gotdang kind and wonderful. She’s an absolute ray of sunshine on this blue hell and we don’t deserve her tbh. I am filled with so much joy whenever I talk to her ( even if she’s fucking hURTING ME WITH PAINFUL REPLIES/MEMES/HEADCANONS ) She’s the type of person that shows up in your life that instantly makes you feel like “yes, you’re a good and safe person to talk to and to hang out with.” and i feel like that’s really huge on this site where we have so many people that are needlessly cruel or simply don’t care about who’s on the other end of the screen. Rye is endlessly talented too (like don’t even get me STARTED) she is so passionate about every single one of her muses and it SHOWS. Whether it’s a headcanon or a meme or a thread (no matter the size) Rye writes the most beautiful and heartfelt content. She really taps into the soul of every muse she picks up. LIKE HONESTLY ITS ALMOST SCARY how well she’s aced every single one of them.    

@fractempyreal : ALRIGHT I’VE SEEN WHITNEY AROUND FOR LIKE YEARS TBH but i just kind of admired from afar 1) bc she’s so damn quality I was like wow pls don’t look at my MESS here and 2) I still didn’t know enough abt the OG DMC to be like 👉😎👉 (bc my first dmc experience was the reboot game) ANYWAY RECORD SCRATCH HERE WE ARE TODAY Whitney is a fucking delight and absolutely hysterical. Like hands down. She’s wonderful to talk to (even tho she likes to hurt me w/ her headcanons and everything tOO) She’s also like the honorary president of the dmc rpc tbh (we voted for u in our hearts, i speak for everyone here ok) when I think about the dmc portion of this rpc hell I think of Whitney and all of her awesomeness. Her love for Vergil is like THE REALEST THING OUT THERE. Her dedication to his characterization, to his story floors me every time I read her work. I can literally hear his voice in all of her replies (LEGIT ITS SO GOOD I GET GOOSEBUMPS SOMETIMES DON’T @ ME) the attention to detail and her writing is absolutely gorgeous and provides such incredible insight into one of the most complex video game characters i’ve come across. since I started playing dmc5, reading her work (and also rye’s, the two of them together are a damn menace to society) has enriched the game even further and I just ADORE THE HECKY OUT HER.  

@destructivour​ : Honestly i’m Mad that no one told me to watch Bleach YEARS ago but I couldn’t be more thrilled that Grimmjow is my first introduction to it tbh. I’ve still got a LOT to learn about this world but I love this scrappy lil trash cat a Whole Lot. HE GENUINELY MAKES ME LAUGH SO HARD whether its some canon thing I stumble across or one of your posts, he’s an wonderful disaster and the fact that he’s still like 200 episodes away from me (even tho i’ve cheated and skipped ahead a few times bc I wanted to see dah boi) your writing is so wonderful and immersive, WHETHER I KNOW WHAT’S GOING ON OR NOT I just love to sit and read your threads and headcanons (especially with whitney okay, I need you both to write me a grimmjow x vergil book bc I could read that shit forever tbh. You’ve both crafted such a beautiful and turbulent relationship it’s sO FUN TO READ) and JARVIA YOU’RE RAD AF?? You’re so much fun to talk to and i’m absolutely in stitches (or fucking crying bc grimmjow makes me sad too) when we’re yelling about this absolute furry. I’m rly glad we found each other and I can’t wait to further lose my mind @ you as I continue my descent into the world of Bleach uwu.

@devilrev​ : GALE!!!! The Nero to my Kyrie ! I’d say i’m sorry for dragging you into nerokiri hell with me but i’m not!! And honestly I didn’t expect to fall in this deep with them. They give me so much life. They’re genuinely probably the least angsty and most “healthy” and loving ship I’ve ever shipped. You write Nero so beautifully and have such a wonderful understanding of his character. I can’t get enough of your headcanons tbh. I SAID THIS BEFORE ABOVE but your portrayal also brings such a richness to the games for me. Your understanding of the way that he thinks and behaves and reacts to things are so on point I just *CHEFS KISS* You’re also an absolute delight to talk to. It’s hard for me to click with people sometimes but we hit it off so well it’s been marvelous!! Thank you for letting me sob about my girl, and also spam you with sad songs and headcanons. The post 5 world (and honestly pre-5 too) we’ve been discussing is so vibrant and massive and exciting already I can’t wait to explore it all more tbh.

@daemominus : OOZE!! Honestly ooze I think it’s safe to say you helped drag me down into this hell okay. The second I finished watching the gameplay I was on the hunt in the rpc and I found you!! I’m like 900% sure I told you back in the day but I’m telling you again you NAILED him. As someone fresh out of the game, I read every word you wrote in his voice. You set each scene perfectly it’s been a delight to have had you on my dash for all of these years. YOU’VE SEEN SOME REAL CRINGE STUFF COME OFF MY BLOGS SO THANK YOU FOR STICKING AROUND TBH. I feel like Ezra was just destined to be Tired and ready to beat the ass of every iteration of vergil, reboot and og alive at this point in time so thank you for putting up with every iteration of her too. At least this version of her can’t sass him into oblivion like she once did. ON TO YOUR V NOW THO I GOT SO DAMN HYPED WHEN YOU MADE HIM TBH. You have such an spectacular flare and I’ve loved seeing the direction you’ve chosen to take and i’m so stoked to write with you again.

[prettylilparker]

WOW ok ok so tell me all about the boys you like I am THIRSTING for this TEA !!!

oh my god so i have too many crushes?? like idk they all have traits abt them that i adore and i’d honestly be the luckiest girl for any of them to cuff me!! (lmk who ur fav is i wanna know who ppl ship me the most with)

ok so i’m gonna give them all initials so i can’t get exposed in real life

so first theres L, we’ve known each other since elementary school and he was notorious for having a crush on me 4th through 6th grade (like even our teachers knew and one told me recently that she ships us ik, im screaming too) he’s terrible at answering texts, he always cancels plans bc he’s busy, and he talks sm shit abt his ex (she cheated on him so i kinda get it but it’s still messed up) but i always imagined my first kiss and first everything to be with him bc he’s the first boy who’s every treated me like an actual princess but next boy

okay @arachnid-kid knows abt this one bc he’s literally a smol version of sam holland!! (i call him my freckled boy or sam boy or boy sam) he has freckles and like the same body structure and is just so cute with similar features to sam!! he takes the bus with me both before school and after and we always accidentally make eye-contact and i’m forced to look away bc he just makes me so flustered?? he just seems like such a cute lil nerd and i kinda just wanna protect him??

next is d, he’s in the popular crowd at my school and i kinda think he likes me (tell me if u think he does bc yg is kinda lost lowkey) he sits near me in homeroom and he asked questions abt the one class we have together (spanish) and whenever i see him in the hallway he’s looking at me!! one day in spanish, a kid at my table was moved and he volunteered to switch seats with him after looking at me, then he said he couldn’t see the board and asked if he could switch seats with the girl who sits RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME!! and one time he walked into spanish the day after i posted a pretty cute selfie and i sag i heard him say to his friend “that’s her” (btw he’s on the football team that my brother’s captain of and i really want someone on the team to cuff me up bc dating a football player has always been my dream esp now since my brother is captain and all the boys know i’m his sister!!

ok rant done :) (i kinda have one more but i already wrote a lot and have more asks to get to so maybe i’ll talk abt him later i have juicy stories abt him so!!)