#i already have enough of it irl i don't need it in my fictional fantasy world

[soujux]

I really don't trust previews in MSP. I especially wish not to trust this preview for EP12 because I refuse to believe that Tinn and Gun got outed. I will burn the whole world down if that happens.

[besttropeveershowdown]

The Most Annoying Trope Showdown: Round 1, Poll 10

Really Royal Reveal

This occurs when a character who was previously thought to be relatively ordinary turns out to actually be descended from someone important and powerful, and therefore have access to that status themselves. Although this trope most commonly uses royalty, it can apply to any hereditary position of power in-universe. This trope applies when the character's true heritage was previously unknown to both the audience and the character themselves.

No propaganda was submitted.

Babies Ever After

Ending trope in which to show a couple is happy, it timeskips to them with children

Propaganda:

Trope voted most likely to be approved by the leader of the Mormon church. The most banal seeping of patriarchal standards into otherwise benign media. No matter what the characters have achieved, no matter what their lives have been like, getting married and reproducing must mean they're happy and their lives are fulfilled, right? Please don't ask about their friends or careers. Extra points for when the characters in question have never expressed a fondness for children or a desire for a family, which is often.

To be fair, my main ire is when it happens to like ALl of the cast but also like. Can we not equate having babies with something you need to be happy. That's already a mindset pushed way too damn much on women irl and I don't fucking want it in my fiction. Let me at least imagine some of my faves also woudl be happy without kids.

It's twee. It's aggressively heteronormative. And it invites terrible sequels about the next generation learning the exact same lessons their parents did but less interesting.

not always the worst but it can be annoying esp on a grand scale that everyone's happy ending is only the happiest with some babies

It's cowardice. It's getting scared of your own story and running back to the safe and easy option of nuclear families. Plus as someone who always knew I didn't want to be pregnant, seeing so many stories end this way just never sat right with me, also because I'm gay and these are almost always done by pairing off characters in neat straight relationships. I'm also going to acknowledge that a lot of my favourite media is fantasy/supernatural stuff, so it feels more ridiculous when it's set in a different world

[piduai]

Pidu , your detachment (in a enlightened way ) about the enjoyment of a fictional work despise disagreeing with the author is what I want to achieve.

We don't think enough about why we first want to consume fiction , it's to "escape" irl life that is already too burdensome.

Honestly I want to know nothing about people , let me just enjoy the art but it's like the gifted curse is pretty frequent.

They always end up being corrupted. ( Iam too , I do not share my meals , I kill bugs in my room because they scare me )

I wish the most corrupted things we learn is news taxes , like the author of kusuriya no Hitorigoto who didn't pay their taxes well.

That's the kind of evil I get behind. Like just pay your taxes correctly next time 🥳 with one of your assistants if you need help.

Also nobody is perfect ofc but that's the reason why we expect correctness after being sold fantasy by someone. Even If it's literally someone like berserk author. Not wise but yes.

i think that expecting moral goodness as what you perceive as good and decent from people you don't know, just because you happen to enjoy their creative work, is a losing game. they are human too and have their own lives, experiences, morals, opinions; some of that will not align with yours. they are not your friends or family or even your coworkers, you don't have to put up with them as individuals, so who cares what they privately think?

like i don't need to know anything about miura's personal life or political opinions to know that he was a misogynist, or be aware of anything sorachi does in his private time to know that he dislikes foreigners, it's obvious because of how they express these values they hold in their commercial work. but as i said before, selling your art to audiences comes with a price. as public figures authors aren't typically allowed to be politically vocal, because it might hurt their income. a certain level of political correctness is expected of them if they want to sell their shit and put bread on the table. so it's normal to scrutinize them if they don't adhere to their end of the deal. it's also normal to have reservations about supporting them if you're a paying consumer.

but if not... who cares? i need to stress again that it's really a matter of personal choice and how much you're willing to put up with. as you said fiction is mostly used for escapism, but it's up to the individual if they're willing to compartmenalize what they take it. i enjoy the yakuza games because they're stupid and funny, i like the aesthetic, i like the gameplay. it also treats women horribly, and is written for an audience that is definitely not me. i have fun with the aspects i like and either ignore or put up with the ones i don't. if i were to worry about the politics the dozens of people who created this franchise have i wouldn't be able to enjoy anything at all. but other people might be unable to tolerate the bitter taste in their mouths either when they're presented with the bigoted views of the authors when they're integrated in the narrative or when they know that the author believes or supports xyz. they don't feel comfortable with that. which is also perfectly understandable.

[nerves-nebula]

Yeah! Fantasy racism is a subject that I think about a lot, like- racism exists because colonism and colonism only exists because the state wants to make a profit

Reducing racism to fear of the body is something a lot of fantasy writers do and it always bothers me

But it's also something that I worry I will stumble into accidently- like I'm brown but I have this little world building project where I want to put my own experiences with racism but i always worry that I'm gonna fumble it badly- because ultimately these fantasy characters aren't human, so my experiences won't translate completely

I think the issue comes from the range of xenofiction is out there, like from end end of the spectrum you got stories from perspective real life rabbit trying to evade a real life fox then which is all about the animals experience rather than a human one, then you got works like zootopia from the other end, trying to insert the human experience of racism into the mix qnd failing badly cause these are animals, its not gonna translate

Which is why despite bodies being a big part of my world building project I'm touching the fear of the body aspect of racism, not only because its already a miniscule aspect of racism that gets overly focused on but also because these characters aren't human so its just make me end up in a zootopia situation

IDK, does this make sense, I'm still not sure how I feel about fantasy racism as a trope in general so if you disagree with any points (or all of them) I'd like to hear

idk i think including fantasy racism is fine but you'll have to really deconstruct WHY racism is bad far past the basic "don't descriminate against people" stage, otherwise i think you wont be able to critique it well enough and might end up perpetuating your own biases (it's alright we've all got them)

what i try to remember when writing fantasy racism is that whatever the racist people need to claim about the people they're being racist against NEEDS to be not true in order to be at all analogous to human racism. and it's best if the racism is within one species, so as to not accept the idea that there are genuine genetic differences between races of people, seeing as "race" isnt really a scientific category.

oh, and the bigots should probably try really hard to make it seem credible, to the point that people who don't think they're personally a bigot could even think that the racist ppl are being reasonable sometimes. but at it's core, it needs to just NOT BE TRUE.

like for example in Bright, people are "racist" against the orcs because the orcs sided with a dark overlord in the past (i think). which is an interesting idea, but because bright is clearly making the orcs analogous to black people, it just ends up coming off as really insulting. black people and similarly racially coded minorities didn't side with an evil guy a thousand years ago, that's not why white ppl enslaved and impoverished and murdered us lmao.

like that could be an interesting world building thing about descendants being punished and discriminated against for the actions of ancient ancestors and stuff. but like. they're coded as black people. and that's just NOT MUY BUENO.

zootopia was kind of shit in a lot of ways but one thing i do appreciate and that i think they got right is that the "going feral" thing was a LIE. in the fiction of zootopia, predator animals aren't actually inherently more dangerous. and it wasnt just a LIE it was a CONSPIRACY to play on people's prejudiced fears in order to gain power or something idk i forget. everything else aside i think that was a good call.

and yknow you dont always have to make it a "race" thing specifically. people have been bigoted against each other for their looks for a long time, but race specifically is pretty new. ethnicities and cultures and traditions are also things you can write people to be bigoted against. it doesn't have to be a 1 to 1 analogy for IRL modern day racism in america or anything.

i also enjoy stories like Beastars, where it develops its own worlds premise well enough that it feels more like an exploration of an interesting concept than a clunky racism or sexism analogy.

idk im not even much of a writer. i just like to think about stuff.

[user-needs-new-hyperfixation]

From a like, "what if this relationship existed irl?" perspective, Wangxian and Hualian both have Concerning Elements.™ But, I mean, most of my fave ships do. Fiction is fiction, yada yada yada. However, for my tastes, Hualian's Concerning Elements are SO much more my jam (at least thus far, as of being halfway through the 6th official English volume.)

TW for mentions of Wangxian sex antics below the cut. (ie CNC at best, rape at worst.)

This is very subjective, but I think the problem I ended up having with Wangxian once I got to the sex was that while the book did a good job convincing me that Wei Wuxian is into everything Lan Wangji does to him, it didn't do a good job convincing me that Lan Wangji knows that for sure, or is in control of himself, or would stop if Wei Wuxian didn't like something. I can see the bits that could be interpreted differently and suggest that it is all clearly consensual, but it just...wasn't quite enough for me. I'd pretty thoroughly spoiled myself and I thought I'd just be kinda meh about the incense burner bits, but when I actually got to that first one I was just stuck like 😬😬 the whole time. I don't think I will ever be comfortable with blood in that context. Just...yikes. (And yes that's complicated by it being a dream and whatnot, but it did still give me the ick, alas.)

Hualian are so different because the bottom is literally the god the top worships. (Which, y'know, again; if that scenario were somehow translated to real life would be A Problem lmao.) I know there aren't any full-on sex scenes between them, but whatever shenanigans they're implied to get up to, I'm already coming at it from the perspective of trusting entirely that Hua Cheng would never even dream of hurting Xie Lian in any way unless it was 250% consensual. If Hua Cheng has darker fantasies, they're probably of Xie Lian using him...and then he beats himself up for 50 years just for daring to besmirch Xie Lian's goodness in his head like that or something.

And again, this is subjective. This isn't some anti rant where I suggest everyone else should dislike something just because I did. Though I did relate to him in some ways, I don't feel like I bonded as much with Lan Wangji as a character as I did with Wei Wuxian, Hua Cheng, and Xie Lian. Maybe I just don't understand what's going on in his head enough. But my personal comfort level is always gonna be: rough sex needs the top/dom to be very much in control and checking in with the bottom/sub regularly. And in the end, that wasn't how Wangxian felt to me. Which is kind of a bummer.

But Hualian are just...ARGH they're so much, and the obsessive worship and centuries of yearning are so unhealthy is such delightful ways.

[submalevolentgrace]

I saw your post about prosthetics, and it got me wondering about settings with widespread use of magic items -- if your doctor can easily enchant you an animated glove that responds to your thoughts, enchant a boot that painlessly supports your leg, or you can pick up a headband that gives you minor telekinesis, how does that look from your perspective? I'm specifically wondering how to resolve the dilemma between (1/2)

(2/2) "if I'm writing an idyllic fantasy world, I'd rather write about social accommodation" and "I've already established that minor telekinesis is very easy to learn so it makes logical sense that some disabled people might use it".I may have answered my own question with "don't make anything universal", but I'm curious to hear your thoughts!

so, i sat on this for two months because i did want to say something, but my initial reaction was very emotionally charged so i took some time to roll it around in my head, and instead of another long essay talking at a hundred issues you didn't actually ask about, i've got some friendly simple advice:

if you have an idyllic wish fulfillment fantasy world with headbands of minor telekinesis, i think there's zero positive reason anyone would want or need an upper limb prosthesis, so i personally wouldn't even mention them, just how useful telekinesis is for many bodily disabilities!

the negative reasons an individual might want one all come down to; pressure from society and doctors to present a normative abled body, and internalised ableism or denial. aka the thesis of my original post regarding why i believe real world upper limb prostheses exist. i think magical enchantment only makes those negative pressures worse tbh...

enchanted boots for amputees are proooooobably okay and chill, based on how many lower-limb-different people feel positively about their prostheses? maybe ask someone with experience there if you wanna be super sure.

but whatever you do regarding disability, if you're making any reference at all to magical accommodations, i'd suggest put in cool magical wheelchairs. not enough cool (or even real-world useful) wheelchairs depicted in fictions, especially relative to how many people use them irl! and the more easily wheelchair friendly a society and infrastructure is, the less need there is for lower limb prostheses to be a thing

no group is a monolith so i'm sure there's differing opinion, but i've never heard a wheelchair user say they want to see less depictions of cool wheelchairs (just less sad hospital chairs and angry in-denial or pitiable characters)

hope that helps?

[un-re-pression]

shit shit shit, ok, um. I have very verbally asserted that if I were ever in a one-sided love I would simply suffer nobly. That's true love, when there's sacrifice! That's what I would do for someone, and that's what I hope someone would do for me, and

And this week I'm in my first relationship

I can (irl) handle one-sided love in a friendship. I LOVE seeing one-sided love with a sexual component in stories. And this week, I'm learning, apparently, all this time, I only liked one-sided love Gone Sexual in stories because the fictional context

implied that it would end

happily.

I'm so fucking fucked. In friendships I can suffer forever when I value a friend, I can at least delude myself that they would never want me back. Never cross that line, never bring that up, the feelings fade, that's friendship!

But here? Now?

Where we've seen each other. And trust each other for years. And want each other. And I brought up the idea of being partners too soon. And you're aromantic but called me your girlfriend and shared a dozen fantasies of how that would be. Told me it was okay

And then called it off after one day.

You were right to do that, of course. It IS too soon, I feel that too. Hasn't even been a week. And I love you deeply as one of my best friends. And I am so fucking mad. And I respect your decision, genuinely, and you're more reasonable than I am, and I would do anything for your comfort. And I am so. Fucking. Mad.

I'm the wrong one here. I know that.

And I'm about to pour more effort into our friendship to bolster an uncertain sexual relationship, and I always thought that was fucking disgusting when strangers would use friendship as a prop to gain sexual favors. We're not strangers, it's a real friendship already, and I don't want to be two-faced and disgusting but I suddenly need you like water

And I'm suddenly sorry to that guy who pretended to be my friend so he could try to fuck me. I'd never needed someone like this before, in single-minded craving

so

I'm keeping it down. I'm putting my partner's friend's comfort above my irrational surge of emotion. I cannot emphasize how much I am in the wrong here, how much I must've pressured another person into a label they weren't yet comfortable with. But now, experiencing it, holding my feelings back so we can be friends is not noble. It's not understanding. It just hurts. And I'm sick, and angry, and I'm disgusting.

I don't like jealousy or possessiveness as tropes in stories, either. It feels unsafe, and petty, and uncommunicative. I won't let it seep into my behavior. But I can't stop feeling these emotions. And I wouldn't read my own story.

My friend was far more noble to ask for some distance from me.

Incredibly ignoble but I'm not even breaking down because I need a label. It actually makes sense for me not to be a girlfriend, and I love my friend, full stop. I'm breaking down because I have always, always crumbled over the perception that I. Am. Not. Good. Enough.

@un-re-pression || tagged so I can reblog

[misscrawfords]

12, 16, 38

12. Tell one book story or memory (what you were wearing when you were reading something, someone saw you cry in public, you threw a book across the room and broke a window, etc.)

Already answered, but here's another one. Well, I've been just thinking and I have lots of memories associated with particular books and moments but a lot feel poignant or sad in some way now, so for a simple but happy one - I remember reading Persuasion for the first time as a teenager in the back garden. I'd got my dad to leave a corner of the lawn unmown so I could live out my fantasies of lying in long grass reading books and I remember doing just that the first time I read Persuasion.

16. Rant about anything book related

I'm gonna weigh in on Ali Hazelwood. I'm not actually a big romance reader - I tend to get my fix from fanfic; I'm often disappointed by actual published romance novels. But I really like Hazelwood's books. She's totally derivative and has in many ways written the same book three times over which is starting to bother me but I like several things about her books: 1) the focus on academia and nerd loving characters - I'm not in STEM myself but I respect her commitment to some level of reality of what that world is like and that her characters (whatever else they may be) are academically intelligent and inhabit a world that feels quite familiar to me. 2) her heroines are often successful human beings (debatable) but with little romantic experience not because they're blushing virgins saving themselves for marriage but because they're just doing other things, Olive especially is pretty clearly demisexual- this is unusual rep and I love it and find it relatable. I find romance novel heroines really unrelatable because they are either pure and Christian (or Christian coded) or highly sexual. Yes, I know, I probably need to read different books but I do struggle to find ones where the subject matter and writing style both appeal. 3) They're easy to read - I don't mean that in a bad way - they're both easy page-turners AND I don't keep stopping because the writing irritates me and jarrs.

Why do I care enough to write about her specifically in this rant? Well, she's a published Reylo author and people who hate the fact that Reylo fanfic authors are currently doing very well in publishing and on booktok go out of the way to sneer and hate her specifically. I'm not trying to make out that her writing is greater or more profound than she is but I think it is so small-minded to resent someone's success because they have managed to capitalise on their writing talent and made the move from fanfic to traditional publishing, just because you don't like a ship. As people in fandom, we should be cheering her on and her fellow newly published and popular authors, no matter our feelings on Reylo.

(Not even going to weigh in on booktok. I have no idea; I don't have tiktok and I don't want to get it. If people are reading and sharing thoughts on books then that has to be good at least to some extent.)

38. What qualities do you find annoying in a character?

Prooooooobably similar to what I find annoying IRL: being completely self-obsessed and lacking self-awareness. At least IRL such people can't help it but I guess in fiction, it's particularly annoying if the author is also unaware of it. Obviously a self-obsessed character who lacks self-awareness can be a wonderful (comic?) character in the hands of a self-aware author, but I mean those protagonists that are meant to be relatable and sympathetic to the reader but the author doesn't realise they're actually a boring, narcissistic turd. So I guess ultimately what I find annoying is a character created by an author who doesn't fully interrogate the character and understand their flaws and then either have them work on those flaws or, in line with the tone of the novel, fail to work on the flaws.

[louwhose]

Tag Game to Better Know You!

Send this to people you’d like to know better!

Thanks for the tag @playinggalaga and @tired-twili! And @aheavenscorner so I actually remember to do this lol

What book are you currently reading? Rereading Mistborn. Yes, the Final Empire, because I have been procrastinating for months but hope I can get the Lost Metal and I desperately need the refresher on everything.

What’s your favorite movie you saw in theaters this year? Lightyear is the only one I saw in theatres this year.

What do you usually wear? Jeans and a t-shirt

How tall are you? 5'6"

What’s your Star Sign? Do you share a birthday with a celebrity or a historical event? Gemini and I don't know anything cool about my birthday beyond it's my birthday

Do you go by your name or a nick-name? most people call me by my name but I have a couple of sisters that usually call me "lou"

Did you grow up to become what you wanted to be when you were a child? uncertain of what I wanted to be as a kid. but considering that I'm not some fantasy wizard or dragon or something... no?

Are you in a relationship? If not, who is your crush if you have one? u m. no. and no specific crush (irl- if we're talking fictional that's a whole nother ball park) at the moment beyond thinking approximately half the people I ever meet are cute

What’s something you’re good at vs. something you’re bad at? being extremely weird with people I know vs. any form of socializing at all with strangers

Dogs or cats? CATS. no question.

If you draw/write, or create in any way, what’s your favorite picture/favorite line/favorite etc. from something you created this year?

still unashamedly most proud of this:

and pfft as if I remember what I write but I dug through stuff real quick and found this

He turned to see what it was. And there, leaning against the wall, in a loving embrace around each other, were two bodies that had finally given out after lasting far too long. It was a tragedy, but also not. They had fulfilled their destiny, and now they were truly free, and their souls were now bound to nothing but their own desires.

What’s something you would like to create content for? Dwight In Shining Armor. I do create content for it but not enough. Not enough.

What’s something you’re currently obsessed with? Zelink duh.

What’s something you were excited about that turned out to be disappointing this year? lots irl but that's a little too personal. um, I guess I'll go with miraculous ladybug. just the fact that this is the year I lost interest in it says something about my feelings on it.

What’s a hidden talent of yours? not sure what to say so something that people on here might not know that I can do is play the piano. not hugely talented with it and certainly don't practice enough but I can do it

Are you religious? yes. christian

What’s something you wish to have at this moment? an attention span.

Tagging no pressure and sorry if you've already been tagged but @deiliamedlini @farore-or-less @pastelsandpining and @whogirl2011

[besttropeveershowdown]

The Most Annoying Trope Showdown: Round 2, Poll 5

All Just a Dream

The reveal that a certain plotline was all a dream.

Propaganda:

It immediately kills all stakes, breaks audience immersion, and basically makes the case 'you should never have been invested in that plotline'. An incredibly unsatisfying ending.

It's just so lazy and makes everything pointless! What changed? Everyone is exactly the same as before the story. Not to mention that's not how dreams work, unless you immediately write it down you're gonna forget the vast majority of the dream really quick, if you even remember it at all. And dreams are messy and don't make sense, they jump from location to location and don't follow a coherent plot. If a character is dreaming, it should be very obvious because they're so different from reality.

Babies Ever After

Ending trope in which to show a couple is happy, it timeskips to them with children

Propaganda:

Trope voted most likely to be approved by the leader of the Mormon church. The most banal seeping of patriarchal standards into otherwise benign media. No matter what the characters have achieved, no matter what their lives have been like, getting married and reproducing must mean they're happy and their lives are fulfilled, right? Please don't ask about their friends or careers. Extra points for when the characters in question have never expressed a fondness for children or a desire for a family, which is often.

To be fair, my main ire is when it happens to like ALl of the cast but also like. Can we not equate having babies with something you need to be happy. That's already a mindset pushed way too damn much on women irl and I don't fucking want it in my fiction. Let me at least imagine some of my faves also woudl be happy without kids.

It's twee. It's aggressively heteronormative. And it invites terrible sequels about the next generation learning the exact same lessons their parents did but less interesting.

not always the worst but it can be annoying esp on a grand scale that everyone's happy ending is only the happiest with some babies

It's cowardice. It's getting scared of your own story and running back to the safe and easy option of nuclear families. Plus as someone who always knew I didn't want to be pregnant, seeing so many stories end this way just never sat right with me, also because I'm gay and these are almost always done by pairing off characters in neat straight relationships. I'm also going to acknowledge that a lot of my favourite media is fantasy/supernatural stuff, so it feels more ridiculous when it's set in a different world

[lewdladylily]

Em gave Sarah and me a challenge. Em clearly wants me to be paranoid because now Sarah is hiding behind corners or jumping me randomly. She gets a point if she can make me come, I get a point if I can hold out and resist. So far the score is 32-0 in her favor. Even comes for me at 4am! x_x -Anna

Free use? I'm free use at home, any of our friends can use me however they want when they visit. It's quite fun and I get to make people feel goood :D -Anna still at 0 points Oi don't you dare apologize for having a life and a family >:| Update then, Em announced that the competition is going until 100 points. Sarah has been on 99 for 2 days now and I'm super paranoid, she's planning something I know it! I'm still at 0 :( Sleep is god, go worship! -Anna

So first off, I had some big depression going on, so people know why I wasn't answering asks. Doing better now, so I am going to go through my back log!

Also, thank you for the asks :)

Your game with Sarah sounds fun. Though it sounds like you need some motivation to resist if she is always winning. I mean, are you even really trying if you can't manage a single point? I would say a reward if you win, but sounds like you are already getting an excess of orgasms out of the arrangement, so maybe a punishment if you don't manage to get at least a point or two. How about forced over stimulation? I know you have ridiculous endurance, but there has to be some combination stimulation that will overload you.

The game is probably over by now though, of course. Maybe you can have a round 2 :P

Now, for kink rating! Free use

No | rather not | I dunno | I guess | Sure | Yes | FUCK yes | Oh god you don’t even know

Absolutely love it, both in fiction and, when practical, IRL.

It sounds like you have a pretty arrangement for that. My experience is people are always really hesitant to take advantage of any sort of free use situation until they've tested the waters, so it is hard to do even limited free use at parties. There isn't enough time for people to get comfortable with it. The most successful one I've seen at a party was a woman tied up in a cage and you were encouraged to grope her through the bars.

But having an ongoing free use arrangement at home seems like it would work quite well. Anyone who comes over regularly would have plenty of time for the adjustment, and then once one person is used to it they can encourage others. Any fun details you are willing to share about how that's turned out? Stories, maybe, if you don't mind sharing?

So a personal fantasy about free use, back some years ago I was a regular at a TTRPG group of several of my friends and a couple of their friends. Literally everyone in the group was hot. I cannot tell you how many times I fantasized about being a free use slut to this group.

Side note, one of the guys was so my type that he was actually the man that made me realize I am bisexual. His sister also came to the group and was even more hot. I was really into her. I almost managed to domme her once, but covid happened as we were trying to arrange it. We did do some long distance stuff a few times. She had zero sexual experience at the time but apparently had been secretly into bdsm porn for forever, so I got to walk her through her first few submissive experiences and had her masturbate for me. Very fun. Maybe I should contact her again.

[crybabyddl]

Arsonist’s Sunlight

Keith Kogane x Fem!Reader

Chapter 15: “When I was a man I thought it ended, when I knew love's perfect ache...” (Arsonist's Lullabye)

Warning: swearing, angst, sexual tension (We've arrived pals! Don't worry, it's not smut) enemies to lovers, voltron-level violence (aka not bad)

Word Count: 5,165

Author's Note: Hi friends! Here we are, Chapter 15!!! This is the longest series I've ever made! I'm pretty proud of myself for sticking with it. I'm not the best writer, but I do enjoy writing. Hopefully you guys enjoy it too! :) Tbh, I only started writing because I wanted to make fanfics for specific scenarios I had in mind. It's half self-indulging, half me being creative and obsessed with fictional characters to the point where I create scenarios that I feel the need to publish for the entire world to see. Luckily, nobody irl has discovered me yet and I hope to keep it that way. Anyway, I'll let you read now lmao.😚

—

Y/N's POV

        “I suppose that's a good idea. If we're lucky we might not even remember it.”

    “Right. Should we go to your room? Everyone's asleep, but it just feels weird to be out in the open like this.” Keith admits, looking down at his slippers. They're just like everyone else's; plush robotic lion heads in the paladin's respective color.

        “I was actually thinking yours, since I'm not sure if Allura is going to check on me again. Plus, you have a mission tomorrow so nobody is going to bother you if they think you're asleep.” I suggested, beginning to walk in that direction. Keith caught up almost immediately, taking steps in time with mine as he stood on my left.

   Of course I was nervous; how could I not be? I was about to act out a pheromone-induced fantasy with the one person I have a tumultuous relationship with. I could feel the butterflies in my stomach begin to flutter, the nunvil not doing nearly enough to keep my nerves down. Soon enough, we were stood in front of the door to Keith's room. He placed his hand on the scanner, and we waited for the doors to slide open with a whoosh.

    “Should we look over what that page in your book said one more time? You know, just to make sure we don't miss anything. It would help ensure we get it right the first time.” The red paladin spoke up after a period of silence. I reached into my pocket, retrieving the tiny novel I'd just recently become reunited with. I held it out, showing Keith I had it with me.

        “Looks like we're on the same page... eh?” I joked, giving a small chuckle. I mentally whacked myself with a bat for making a stupid joke, but I couldn't help myself. At least I wasn't sober; then it really would've been embarrassing.

    “I am this close to making your dream of getting thrown out of the airlock come true.” Keith deadpanned, a the ends of his lips slowly curving upwards after a couple seconds.

   This was maybe the second time I'd seen this guy smile, and let me tell you; it doesn't get old. I liked being able to make him smile, especially since he wasn't known to do so. It made me feel special, and I obviously made him happy enough to not care what his face was doing. I wondered if Keith was aware of the pleasant look painted on his lips.

        "Speaking of dreams..." I flipped to the bookmarked spot with the dream interpretation I'd talked to him about the other day, skimming the sentences in front of me. I watched as he looked over the words on the page, silently mouthing the words as he read.

    “Okay, so we've already addressed the issues we had with each other. What do we do now? There's nothing about how to fix the issues.” Keith scratched his head, a hiccup escaping him. The little sound he made was so adorable that I started giggling, my drunkenness making everything funnier than it really was.

        “S-sorry Keith,” I paused to laugh, trying to regain my composure and taking a deep breath. “That was just too cute. Who would've thought a tough guy like you would make such an adorable noise?” I managed to rein in my laughter, looking to Keith with an apologetic smile.

    “S’okay,” His words slurred a little bit, the effects of the nunvil were still active. “It was pretty funny.” He cracked yet another smile, with teeth this time. They were only visible for a split second before his lips reconnected, his grin dwindling into a peaceful expression. I reciprocated, giving a soft smile of my own. We basked in the glow of his bedside lamp for a short while before I came to my senses.

        "Oh, right, back to this. I'm not entirely sure what to do. Should we just go for it?" I asked, looking to Keith for approval.

    "I guess so," he shrugged. "First, I think we both need a good luck charm." He opened the drawer of his nightstand, grabbing what appeared to be a small bottle of nunvil. 

        "Where'd you get that?"

    "Apparently, they don't check IDs at the Space Mall." He smirked, briefly disappearing into his bathroom before emerging with two little cups. He poured half of the nunvil in one cup, handing it to me, the rest going into the other cup.

   He held out his cup to say cheers, and I repeated the action. After we knocked our shots back, I felt the burn of it travel down my throat and into my chest. I already felt much more at ease, the strong alcoholic-adjacent concoction working its magic within an instant.

   Once we were finished, he took the cup from me, putting it down on the nightstand along with his. Quickly grabbing my hand, he led me to his door.

   ‘Right, the dream starts out with me coming to his room to talk.’ I thought to myself. Keith closed the door and I took some deep breaths, mentally preparing myself. I knocked gently, but still loud enough for Keith to hear. The whirring noise filled my ears as the panels slid to reveal the room I'd been in just seconds ago.

        “Keith, we need to talk.” I thought back to my dream, grateful that I'd written it down just in case. It was so vivid to the point where I woke up thinking it was real. That made it a lot easier to remember what happened and what was said.

    “Yeah, I know. Is that why you're here?” I watch his toned arm fall from its perch on the doorframe, the muscles contracting. He turns, his back facing me as he leads us further into his room.

        “It is. Am I allowed to sit or is that reserved for people you respect?” I asked, using the same sickeningly sweet yet sinister tone, just as I'd done in the dream. Keith scoffed��he seemed to have remembered the details just as clearly as I did.

    “I'd rather ask you to leave, but I'm not some sort of monster, McClain. Just sit somewhere and let's get this over with, alright?” He huffs, following me as I mimic the scene playing in my head. He sets himself down beside me shortly after I've sat down on the end of his bed, my hands in my lap as I look around the room in the awkward silence.

        “Obviously, we need to talk about the problem you have with me.” I state, looking over at Keith. He's fidgeting, picking at the skin around his nails. 

    “I'm the one with a problem? How about you, with your high and mighty attitude and constant need to start a fight? I'm pretty sure that's the problem here—you're the problem here.”

        “Oh, is that how you see it? Well, I'd be happy to give you another problem, Red.” I say, shooting a fiery glare in his direction.

    “You always do.” Keith looks over at me as I rise abruptly to my feet, swiftly heading towards the door.

        “Whatever, I'm not doing this. Just keep being a fucking jerk, I don't care anymore. I can't do this.” I shout angrily at him, thankful the castle's rooms are semi-soundproof.

   Before I reach the motion sensor, I'm tugged backwards by a strong grip on my wrist. The movement turns me 180 degrees, crash landing into my enemy's grasp, feeling his hands as they clutched my shoulders. I couldn't help but wonder what was going through Keith's mind as we played out this scene.

   I feel just as I did in the dream; a perfect mixture of practically every emotion. I felt nervous, vulnerable, even a bit angry as I became further immersed in the dream scenario. I awkwardly backed away, trying to create some distance between the red paladin and I, only to find myself locked in place by the strong arm that found its way around my back.

    “Wouldn't I just be more of a jerk if I let you storm out of here? You're angrier now than you were when you knocked on my door.” Keith was doing really well, as if he was used to acting out moments like this. To be fair, we've had plenty of practice with all of our real-life arguments like this one.

        “Why do you care? It's not like you can do anything to fix it anyway.”

   I looked up into his indigo eyes, noticing the way the lighter shades transitioned like splashes of water into the cool, darker shade that took up a majority of his irises. I had never looked at Keith this way before. How did my mind know exactly how I felt? This wasn't part of the dream, not even remotely! I was frozen, too overwhelmed to voice my concern.

   Keith's eyes flickered down to my hands, which had subconsciously moved to the front of his shirt, clutching at the soft fabric. I noticed how his pupils dilated—he knew something was off too, but we knew neither of us were in the right state of mind to do anything about it.

    “Maybe we're not supposed to fix anything,” His voice is soft, but it crashes into me like a wave from the ocean that lies within his eyes. A gentle wave, one that holds me tender yet allows me to float freely. “I think... I think we're supposed to move along and follow wherever the universe decides to take us.” We're drunk, that's all it is. We're just drunk, acting out a dream we both had, taking a few creative liberties as we go along.

        “Keith...” I start, but I'm left with nothing to say. All that swirls in my mind is a single thought, repeating itself over and over, alternating between shouts and whispers. I couldn't make out the words, but it gave me reassurance; that everything would be just fine.

  “Please let me kiss you.” He whispers gently, leaning closer. I do nothing to stop him; I find myself moving closer, meeting him in the middle. The space between us is small, but still felt too far.

        “Please...”

   That's all it took for Keith to hold my face in his hands, bringing us as close as we could be to one another. Our lips were touching, moving, and it just felt right. I could feel my heart pounding, my fingers twisting the neckline of his shirt that I'd been clinging onto; anything to keep him here with me. This was something I'd never experienced before, and I already craved it. We held each other tighter, almost afraid of what would happen if we broke apart too soon. Something about this moment felt so utterly right; the strength of our passion outlasted the fragile passing of time.

   Memories of every interaction we'd had flashed through my mind at lightning speed. It only slowed during the good parts, even parts I didn't associate meaning to. I could feel the wind, the sun, the ocean, the grass under my feet. Images of my home, under a blue sky with raindrops dripping off the overhang. A wooden door with two openings. The yellow swing my father used to push me on as a child. It went by in a split second, and yet I saw it all. Every detail made sense.

   I could feel the warmth leaving my body as we disconnected, needing a moment to steady our breathing. There were a million questions and worries scattered about my brain, but the afterglow of our kiss kept them quiet for the time being. It was safe here. I was safe with Keith. All I felt was warmth—pleasant and rejuvenating like sunshine, fervent and insatiable like a fire. I knew both would burn brightly until my final breath.

I thought I would panic in a situation like this. Why wasn't I panicking?

   ‘Because it's him,’ I thought to myself. ‘It's just you and him. Here. Together. Holding each other tight, your lips are brushing against his.’ And it felt right. I couldn't even finish all the questions I had in my head. It was as though Keith's lips held the remedy to my worries.

  The sound of his breathing was surely an antidote for the lustful. Pulling away from his embrace was necessary to breathe, but the pure, spellbinding air between us made it hard to let go.

—

  I fastened the belt of my suit around my waist, checking in the mirror one last time before leaving my room. Shiro asked me to report to the command center, before he and Keith departed for the Blade of Marmora headquarters. I took a deep breath before entering through the automatic doors, my eyes adjusting to the lighting in the room.

  “Y/N, there you are. How are you feeling today?” Shiro asked, his tone a bit more chipper than usual. I scratched behind my left ear with my index finger awkwardly.

        “Truthfully, I've been better. Was there something you needed me for?”

  “Actually, yes. I know you drank last night, but the Blade of Marmora just contacted us and requested we bring you to the base.” The black paladin addressed me sincerely, putting a hand on my shoulder.

        “Hold on a tick—me?” Shiro nodded. “How do they know about me?” I was confused. I'd never heard of the Blade of Marmora until the other day. How could they know who I am, and what did they want from me?

  “I'm not sure, but they asked for you by name. I would never make you do anything you're uncomfortable with, so you can totally say no, but in order to get the information we need from the Galra, you'd have to come with Keith and I.”

  I took a moment to weigh my options. I could either deny the Galra's request and screw up Voltron's chances of getting vital intel on Zarkon, or I can go on a highly awkward road trip with Keith and Shiro and potentially put myself in danger by meeting Galra spies...

        “And they didn't provide any explanation as to why I was summoned?”

  Shiro shook his head. How was I supposed to come to a rational conclusion when both choices seemed like a dead end?

        “Fuck it, I'll go. Voltron's objective is much bigger than any individual. Besides, what could the Galra need from someone like me?”

  “Thank you. I know this is a tough situation to be in, but you won't be alone.”

  I felt better after hearing Shiro's words. I knew I'd be safe with the paladins.

        “Thanks, Shiro. And don't worry, I'll be careful.” I reassured the resident older brother figure.

    “My offer still stands, number one!” Coran piped up, sure to make his point with a raised index finger. Shiro and I turned to look at the eccentric Altean. “I have all different types of costumes and wigs if need be!” I looked back over at Shiro, whose eyes were wide with alarm.

        “That's very noble of you, Coran, but I think I'll be just fine. I do appreciate your willingness to help though, so thank you.” I offered my praise to the older alien man, who nodded, his brows furrowed with concern.

— Time skip bc I literally can't think and I have to move past the plot or else I'll go insane. Maybe I’ll just delete the entire story bc I have no idea what I'm doing. Would anyone care? Like if I just left this fic unfinished permanently like it'll be completed but it doesn't have an end, would y'all be mad? Like, can I pull a One Direction? P.S. this time skip was written a few months before the note about me taking a hiatus. I literally said in that note that i would never do to you what One Direction did to me. I plan to keep my word on that, but this whole thing was just too ironic and funny to delete. —

Third Person POV

  The journey back to the castle was painfully awkward. Keith's entire silhouette was stiff as he focused on piloting the red lion out of the space pocket. Shiro sat on one side of the ship, while Y/N sat on the other side. The two kept their heads down, deep in thought. Explaining everything to the rest of the team was going to be uncomfortable to say the least.

—

    “I beg your pardon? Did you just say you're half Galra?”

  “Yes.”

  Allura stands from her seat abruptly, storming out of the room. A moment later, she returns, letting out a heavy sigh and keeping her head down.

    “I'm not pleased to hear about this. The last time someone Galra became a paladin, it resulted in the destruction of my planet; nearly my entire race.”

  “Princess, he can't help the fact that he–”

    “You have no idea what I've been through! Expecting me to be okay with this information is ridiculous.”

  The rest of the team was shocked. Nobody had anticipated the possibility that one of the paladins could have Galra heritage. Coran hadn't spoken a word since the revelation, but he looked beyond somber.

  Shiro elbows Y/N; an unexpected move that causes her to stumble forward a couple steps. He then coughs in his fist awkwardly, as if nothing happened.

    “So, would now be a bad time to mention that I’m also part Galra?”

  The question was rhetorical, but that didn’t stop the resounding answer of ‘yes’ to flood the room.

 “Wait, if you’re part Galra, doesn’t that mean…” Lance can’t even finish his own sentence before choking up at the thought. Not that he even fully understands what that would mean for him, but if Allura didn’t like it, neither did he.

   “Oh yeah, about that… we’re not twins. I suppose we technically are, but not in that way. I’m part Galra, you’re not.” Y/N responded sheepishly, keeping her gaze pointed down at the floor. It would hurt too much to see the disappointment on her friends’ faces.

—

Keith’s POV

  “Basically, Keith had to do this trial to prove that the knife was his. After he almost died, he decided that the Blade of Marmora could just take the knife because he didn’t need it to know who he really was. It was actually pretty cinematic, but I digress. Then, the knife begins floating, like, levitating in mid-air, and it transforms into the giant machete thing it is now. Cool, right?”

  Pidge and Hunk look at each other, then back at Y/N, who held a cheerful expression. The group decided that they wanted to hear the gist of what happened from her instead of me. I’m not entirely sure why, but Shiro assured me that it would all be okay.

 “That still doesn’t explain how we’re related but not.” Lance pouted, folding his arms while he leaned back in his chair.

  Unfortunately for him, he underestimated his stretch, causing the chair to wobble and almost fall over. Unfortunately for my amusement, he managed to catch himself before disaster could strike.

   “I’m getting there! It’s like Shiro always says, ‘patience yields focus’.”

  Y/N’s brother grumbles a ‘fine’ and allows her to continue her rundown.

   “Then, when as we were getting ready to leave, the Blade agents said they had something for me. I was confused, obviously. So, they gave me this cute little dagger,” she pulls out the object, smiling to herself as she admired the craftsmanship on the weapon. “And explained that my mother was Galra. Apparently my mother went to Earth, got with your– well actually our dad, and returned to space and had me. Since space time and Earth time are different, I was actually born at the same time as you,” Y/N paused, gauging the reactions of everyone in the room. Picking up on the confusion, she continued.

   “I know it sounds crazy and totally not plausible, but that essentially makes us ‘half twins’ because we share a parent and were born at the same time if you were to convert Earth time to space time or space time to Earth time.” She has a nervous smile on her face, her eyebrows are curved the opposite way. It’s clear she’s anxious to hear what Lance will say. I find myself worrying for her as well.

 “Listen, I really want to be like ‘O.M.G. We’re half twins!’ and make a cool handshake with you, but this is just a lot for me to take in all at once.”

  Lance swiftly turns to leave, Pidge and Hunk quickly following after him to avoid the awkwardness that lingered in the room. As soon as they’re all out of hearing distance, Y/N sinks into the sofa. She puts her hands over her face and her shoulders jerk as she begins to cry.

  My first instinct, as someone who grew up alone, is to run away. I’ve learned to combat that instinct, but my second instinct isn’t much better. I look to Shiro, expecting him to know what to do. It wasn’t until after five seconds of expressionless, wide eye contact that I remembered he grew up alone as well, and therefore had a similar response. Usually, we’d rock, paper, scissors it out to see who would deal with the issue at hand, but this really wasn’t the time for that.

  So, as I thought about what the best plan of action was, Shiro decided to take matters into his own hands… by running out of the room. To be fair, he’s technically only six. Even so, that left me with the task of consoling Y/N.

  I thought back to when we were at the pool. She’d comforted me that day. Surely I could do the same for her, couldn’t I? It was worth a shot.

 “It’ll be okay, Y/N,” I spoke softly, not wanting to startle her with the sudden noise.

  The memory of her putting her arm around me was brought to the front of my mind. Maybe it would help her feel less alone if I did the same. I extended my arm behind her, but stopped midway.

 “I’m gonna put my arm around you, if that’s okay.”

   “Alright. I just,” Y/N sniffles, still keeping her head down. Her face is shielded by her knees.

  A moment passed before she spoke.

   “He probably hates me now. Lance, I mean. Allura and Coran probably do too. I’m sorry, this is selfish of me. These are people you’ve known longer and literally save the universe with. I should be asking you how you’re holding up.”

 “Stop, you’re allowed to be upset. Just know you’re not alone. This is yet another shared experience between the two of us. And, just like before, we’re going to get through it and help each other along the way.” I squeezed Y/N’s shoulder, hoping it reassures her even slightly.

   “Thanks,” she exhales. “I really appreciate you doing this. I know this type of thing isn’t your strong suit.”

 “Are you kidding? I’m the best at cheering people up!” I offer sarcastically. I hear her chuckle softly, finally lifting her head.

   “Oh for sure,” she quips. “But seriously, thank you. If you ever want to talk, I’m here. Us Galra have gotta stick together.” Y/N smiles at her pun, the corners of her eyes scrunching.

  I find myself returning the expression, but catch myself before it becomes too noticeable. I don’t smile easily, and even though everyone has seen me laugh and flash a grin, I’d prefer it to be on my own terms. We stand up from the sofa, preparing to go our separate ways.

 “Thanks, Y/N. And just so you know, Lance will come around. He can’t hold a grudge for as long as he thinks. Just give him some time and he’ll arrive to the right conclusion.”

  ��“Good to know. I’m gonna get some sleep, it’s been a long day. Good night.” She nods, turning and heading towards the bedroom corridor.

 “Sleep well.”

—

Y/N’s POV

  Despite how draining the day had been, I found myself lying wide awake. As hard as I tried, I couldn’t keep my eyes closed for very long and my mind was filled with concerns over how to win back the trust of the paladins, Allura, and Coran.

  I swung my legs over the side of my bed, slid on my slippers, and put on a sweater. If I wasn’t going to end up sleeping, I might as well tire myself out. It couldn’t hurt to do a little training, could it?

  The hallways were empty as I walked to the training deck. All that could be heard was the purr of the ship’s engines and the whir of the crystal’s power that kept the castle up and running. Luckily, the deck was unoccupied, which meant I could practice using my new dagger in private.

   “Let’s see how much of a Galra fighter I really am.” I muttered under my breath, pulling the small knife out of its sheath. The purple gem with the Blade of Marmora symbol glowed as I secured my hold on the grip.

—

  You’ve completed Level Two of hand-to-hand combat training. Would you like to try some willpower exercises now?

  “Sure!” I responded to the artificial intelligence. I wasn’t sure what ‘willpower exercises’ entailed, but I could certainly use a break from the workout I was currently enduring.

  Okay. Starting up willpower exercise number one. Would you like me to explain the exercise?

   “Yes, please.”

  Okay. This willpower exercise will require you to put on the device that will appear on the table in front of you…

  I notice a white, almost crown-like headpiece materialize in the center of the table. I take it and place it on my head.

Great! Now, get in a comfortable, seated position, close your eyes, and await further instruction… Our motion sensors have detected that you are seated. Now, our device will allow your thoughts to be used in your willpower training. Would you like to proceed?

   “Yes.”

  Okay. Beginning conscious and subconscious scan… Scan complete. Are you ready to start willpower exercise number one?

   “Yes.”

 Okay. For this exercise, please imagine you are in a room with a member of your family, or a loved one that you trust…

  My mind immediately pictures Lance. He’s my brother after all, the only family I know I have.

  Great! Now, you will be shown a number scenarios with this person. Your job is to respond as responsibly as you can. Your evaluation will be based on a multitude of factors. Each scenario will test a different factor. After these scenarios, you will be tasked with imagining other people in the same circumstances in order to ensure the accuracy of your emotional responses regardless of the subject.

—

 “Y/N!” Lance smiled, waving frantically. I felt the corners of my mouth tugging in opposite directions as I pictured myself running towards my brother.

  We smothered one another in a warm embrace. I felt safe, happy. After a moment we pulled apart, beginning to talk about our adventures in space.

 “I have to tell you something.”

   “You know you can tell me anything, Lance.”

  He takes a deep breath, his eyebrows furrowed in contemplative thought.

 “I’m not sure how else to say this, so I’ll just come right out and say it. Y/N, I’ve been assigned to kill you.”

   “What? Lance, what are you talking about?” I can barely speak. I feel frozen. I’m tempted to take the headpiece off, but keep forgetting because of how immersive the technology is.

 “Allura said that because you’re Galra, you cannot be trusted. I’ve known her longer, and after the experiences I’ve had with the Galra, I have to agree. This isn’t easy, but I have to do this. I’m sorry, Y/N.”

   “Lance, you don’t have to do this! I’ll just leave! This isn’t fair to you. Allura shouldn’t have burdened you with such a task.” I tell him, placing a hand on his shoulder. I feel tears stream down my face.

 “No, no. That’s the thing,” he steps back, causing my hand to fall down at my side. “I accepted the mission. I brought you here. I want to be the one to do this.”

   “You sound nothing like yourself! What happened? The Lance I know would never kill someone, let alone VOLUNTEER to do it!” I try to reason with him, but his face remains expressionless.

 “You’re wrong. The Lance you knew was the one that trusted you. Now that I know the truth, I’ve had to change my mind about things; about you.”

   “Stop! I know you’re not capable of hurting innocent people! I haven’t done anything! I can’t control the fact that I’m part Galra, in fact I wish I never found out that I was! But those are things I can’t change. Lance, you have to believe me. I would never do anything to hurt you, the paladins, Allura, Coran, or anyone!” I was sobbing hysterically. My own brother was set on ending my life, and I was failing to talk him out of it.

 “Just shut up! You talking is only going to make this harder for you. Just forget everything and pretend I’m a stranger. It was quite easy for me, since you practically are one to me now.” I could tell Lance was on the verge of tears himself, his own willpower being tested.

   “That’s like asking me to forget who I am, Lance. All I’ve ever known is being your long lost sister. That’s how everyone else knows me, how you know me. I know that there’s a part of you that knows the truth. Somewhere deep down, you still believe in me.” My voice was hoarse as I struggled to hold myself together.

 “I wish it didn’t have to be this way. Goodbye, Y/N.”

—

Third Person POV

  “Y/N! Y/N, are you there? It’s me! I’m right here, it’s okay! Y/N, it’s not real!”

  The distraught young woman took in her surroundings. It took some effort for the paladin to get the headpiece off, since the person wearing it usually has to be the one to do so. Luckily, her guard was down enough that it was easy for him to remove it.

  ��“Oh my god!” She cries, burying her head in the paladin’s chest.

 “Shh, it’s okay,” he tried to calm her. “I’ve got you. It’s okay, I promise you’re safe.” He holds Y/N tighter, hoping to ease the pain the simulation caused her.

   “It– it was Lance, and he–”

 “Shh, it’s okay. None of it was real. Lance is asleep. Everyone else is asleep. Nobody is going to hurt you, I won’t let them.” The words seemed to ease Y/N’s mind a little, her cries becoming quieter, softer.

   “Please don’t leave. I don’t– I don’t want to be alone.”

 “I won’t. I’m staying right here. You won’t be alone.”

—

Omg hi guys I’m so sorry for not posting in so long. I know I just announced a hiatus, but I was kind of late on that and I should’ve done that a couple months ago instead of just ghosting you all. Either way, I’m here and I’m so happy to be posting this chapter for you! I hope you found it as exciting as I did! Please let me know what you thought. I always appreciate feedback, especially since it’s been so long! I love you all so much, thank you for supporting me and my stories! <3

P.S. I originally posted this a few months ago on Quotev, so if you want to read my content a bit earlier (Usually not as early as this, but who knows I might accidentally do this again) feel free to check out my Quotev, @crybabyddl

Voltron Taglist: @biqherosix @txrii @hellophantoms @reggies-eyeliner @bexxy @morganayenneferburnham @darlinqserenity @ranaita @scorpio-echo @suki-keith @acethecardsblog @meepopmi @grvngefroggie​

[codenamesazanka]

@grippingtraverse Hello! Thanks for these wonderful asks!

Simplified, short answer: I don't think so! Not really. The framework and coherency of 'Person/Character of color' collapses when applied to Dabi (a fictional Japanese character in fictional sci-fiJapan, as written by a irl Japanese author and published in irl Japan) in context of the work, within the story and outside of it. There’s maybe something to be said about how Japanese manga characters are seen in America and how they’re treated by Americans, whether it’s believing them to be “white because they don’t look Japanese” or as part of treating a foreign work with Orientalist lenses in general, so I can understand a bit of the sentiment; but I was focusing on the in-universe context of the story, a watsonian perspective.

Plus, by those standards, Spinner is a 'character of color' as well. I'm not so much relating to him because he's a 'lizard/furry/scalie', I'm relating to him because he's also a 'character of color' - esp. because of how his hikkikomori/depression is portrayed in a way that I feel is different from American depictions - who's being further discriminated against for another trait. Of course, that's all my personal projection and reading; but I think I'm allowed that?

You've nailed it though! All you said about as far as the fantasy story is concerned, Dabi at the very least isn't discrimination against for an all-body animal mutant quirk. Maybe people think he's still a heteromorph of sorts because of his burns - I wouldn't be surprised! - but that's not an experience of his that's been shown, and the most someone had described him is someone with a 'patchwork face'.

As for Japanese fandom...! From what I've seen on twitter, they see what Spinner has experienced as discrimination, and have likened it to the racism that exist in our world, but *insert disclaimer about it being fictional*. As I do, when I call Dabi a *fantasy*-racist.

Not so much about the interaction between Dabi and Spinner, but related: What has been most surprising to me is the significance some in the Japanese fandom get from Chapter 302's Touya being on the computer, and the things he says. I hate to reveal it like this and not in a proper meta post, but that chapter gives them vibes that 13-year-old Touya, lacking parental attention, has been on the internet a bit too much looking for answers, and have wandered into a few questionable message boards.

Apparently the stuff Touya says about modern heroes and enlightenment books sound like repetitions of stuff he's read online which has a sort of 2ch/4ch feel to them lol. "Words of a 13-year-old who has surfed the net." There's one tweet that jokes he's been on woman-bashing threads; another that says Touya reminds them of a 'net-uyo' phase; yet another that wonders if things had gotten worse, he would've joined the CRC. This is, of course, their interpretations as well; but we can't all be making shit up when there's implications in the story that gets a bunch of people thinking this. These were the vibes I got well, though from a different angle.

(I'd link to the tweets, but given how I've apparently really pissed some people off with a mostly tongue-in-cheek 'headcanon' so much things got like this, I cannot trust people not to go harassing these twitter users, waking up one day to people yelling at them in a foreign language. I don't want to think it'll get that bad, but. Better not risk it.)

**I feel bad. I feel it's pretty low of me to use all this *vaguely gestures above* to try to fend off anime-fandom accusations that I'm racist, or I'm making shit up because I hate Dabi (I don't, actually) so much I need to, or that I'm a crazy shipper doing all this for fucking ship; but even if people won't listen, I don't think I can stand people thinking I'm weaponizing my real life identity that I already get stressed out over enough from navigating this absurd world, for character hate. I had to at least say my piece?

...This derailed towards the personal towards the end, and I apologize for that! But thanks again for the asks - they were super thought-provoking and I still had fun answering them, despite everything. Please have a good day! And Happy Halloween!

[suometar]

Power song of the day: Wake up by Smash into Pieces

You can not resist, like a moth to a flame -- You know it will burn, but sometimes you enjoy the pain

This is your favorite game -- But you're gonna be defeated -- And you're never gonna beat it -- Controls you like a slave -- But you gotta stop pretending -- You won't get a happy ending

(Chorus) Someday you're gonna wake up -- Gonna wake up -- From a life in fantasy -- Someday you're gonna wake up -- Gonna wake up -- And realize it's not meant to be -- You stumble in the dark cause you close your eyes -- Guided by the sweet talk lullaby -- But someday you will wake up -- You will wake up From a life in fantasy -- Wake up!

You try to cut everyone out of your life -- So no one can question how you can believe the lies

This is your favorite game -- But you're gonna be defeated -- And you're never gonna beat it -- Controls you like a slave -- But you gotta stop pretending -- You won't get a happy ending

(Chorus)

You're in the fire, what do you do? -- You wake up -- The final round is waiting for you

(Chorus)

Why? Well...

I'm coming down from mania.

Which sucks. And here's a glimpse into my 30 or so years experience of this nonsense.

But before I say more I want to say to everyone who I have been venting during the last month or so:

Please don't think that you have contributed in making my situation worse. You haven't. The fuel for all of it comes from within myself. I am nothing but crateful that I have had a chance to vent to someone because otherwise it all would've just clumped inside me and that would've made the situation worse.

And besides, not all venting has been caused just by mania. When I'm manic it doesn't remove the normal thoughts and feelings I have.

When you're stuck in a tar pit created by a certain person for who knows how many years in a row it's obvious it's not just the mania. I think you guys know what that's like :D

Coming down is like a really really really REALLY bad hangover

Except that you can remember every single thing you've done, the things you've felt, the things you've planned, what you thought of. EVERYTHING.

And you KNOW they're all just a result of the chemical imbalance of your own brain.

Coming down doesn't mean necessarily that I'm now depressed. It's just getting back to your normal state from mania.

But the bad hangover is real. If you've experienced that you know what it's like. Regrets after regrets.

What's mania like

That ecstacy of mania is an immense rush you don't really know unless you've experienced it yourself.

It's difficult to describe, but I think falling in love really hard and fast is the closest that describes it best. You have butterflies in your stomach all the time, you're hyperfixating on that one person and you feel invincible, like everything in your life is finally perfect and you're in control like never before.

Or even better: It's like being on speed, except without the drugs. Overstimulated 24-7-365.

Hyperfixation is typical for mania

In my case the hyperfixation can be basically anything from men (real or fictional, doesn't really matter lol) to any action, hobby or even work, totally depends on the situation.

What I do is I dedicate all my time to that one thing and one thing only even though I know it's not healthy.

Thank god I've learned to control it so that it won't take ALL of my time anymore, but it still is there. And I need to cater it to some extent or I won't be able to do anything.

It's like having a parasite you can't get rid of but you can make it behave if you give it some attention from time to time.

What's real and what's not? That is the question

When you're having mania it's sometimes super hard to differentiate what's a real thought and what is based on the illusion created by your own mind. And even though I am nowadays capable to tell the difference of my real thoughts/feelings and the ones fueled by mania the later ones do have an effect on me even though I try not to react to them.

The tricky thing is that your body can't tell the difference of a so called real/normal thought/feeling and one created inside my head fueled by mania.

A manic person wants nothing more than get more of the dopamine that fuels the ecstacy. Which easily can lead to a psychotic episode/period.

The saddest part is that manic person usually looks and behaves exactly like any normal person. You can't tell from outside if someone is having mania unless they choose to show it. Psychotic then usually is clearly psychotic and erratic and behaves totally out of character.

Triggers for mania

Anything can basically be a trigger for mania and they vary from person to person. For me it's usually one of the following:

an extreme negative change in life (such as death, divorce or other big things like that),

finding a new crush,

intensive concentration on some activity,

social media, or

as surprising as it might be: music. Especially any with a faster tempo.

Usually though I have already been somewhat hypomanic before the real mania hits. Hypomania though is very hard to notice because I'm somewhat easily excited and impulsive already by nature.

But I've lived with this so long that I know when it's going overboard. My manic mind just usually chooses to say it's nothing and I believe it like a fool - because it feels so good.

This time the trigger for me was intensive concentrating on writing. While the writing was crucial in easing my general anxiety this time it had this unfortunate side effect.

Nonetheless, I'm not quitting writing. Because the anxiety has eased significantly from when I started. I probably need to change the subject for a while and not to write daily or limit it just for 30 mins a day.

How a new crush can happen when you're married, you ask?

Oh, easily. See, with a manic mind a marriage is nothing but an obstacle. Nothing is but an obstacle that is designed to limit you. Because you're omnipotent. And obstacles - well, they're made to be conquered or plowed through.

In my case I've chosen to keep my crushes online and physically as far away from me as possible. I've made a mistake of crushing into someone irl and that was UGLY for all parties involved.

Thirsting over someone from afar online while remaining happily married is by far a better option.

How to control mania or turn it off

Yes, you can turn it off. The problem with that is that usually manic person doesn't

feel like something is wrong, and

doesn't want to get down from the high.

But there are things you can do to get it end sooner.

Log off from all social media. Seriously. Don't just turn notifications off - LOG OFF.

If that's not enough, remove all the social media apps from your phone. You can always install them again.

Turn off your phone if it's possible.

Don't use computer unless it is absolutely necessary - like for paying bills. You don't need to find out what age Barbara Streissand is at 2:30am - or, well, ever.

Social media is by far the biggest contributor for mania. The apps are designed to give us a dopamine rush each time we scroll down any feed and see a new post. That's how they keep us stuck on them.

When you already have an issue with the dopamine rush using social media just makes it worse.

You won't miss anything if you log off for two days or a week. SERIOUSLY. But it will improve your well-being tremendously.

The absolutely best thing you can do is to create as dull environment to yourself as possible. That there's nothing artificial you can drown yourself into. Best place to be in mania is in the middle of the woods without any mobile signal - trust me.

Take up an activity where you do something with your hands. Hands-on approach is crucial.

Doing things with your hands will root you into the real world.

It doesn't matter what it is: cooking, cleaning, handcrafts, drawing or painting (NOT on a computer or ipad but with real pencils/crayons/paints/brushes/etc).

Remember not to do just that though. Go out (without your phone). Enjoy the nature. Listen to the sounds of the outside world. Don't close your senses with headphones. Read. Watch out of the window. Stare at the wall. Watch the paint dry.

LET YOURSELF GET BORED.

Just stay away from any electronic devices.

The hangover is horrible but it'll pass. And you will feel better afterwards when you're functional again.

------

It's not easy. None of us chose to live with bipolar. It's always inherited. But there are ways to work through it.

I hope this helps at least someone.

Thank you for coming to my TED talk.

[cooloddball]

Hi I went through few cons and I actually got my heart broken a little bit. Every one of them had Jensen denying the idea of Destiel or Dean being anything but the American male fantasy.

Vancon 2012 J2 panel he avoids the fan who is screaming Destiel. I understand that because he was going through something Misha shaped during 2012. Destiel was the last thing he wanted in his life then.

The controversial NJCon 2013 where he pretty much rudely avoids the Bi Dean question. I mean come on there were so many ways to back down there but just giving into that crowd like that and shooting down that girl who asked the question? I know she actually explained what happened there but he is saying things to convey he is unhappy where that question is heading. JP who is considered the immature even is considering answering the question the girl is continuously apologising it is a horror show there while Jensen is just being plain rude.

Jib 2014 solo panel where he is asked if Dean will ever get his pie. And he denies Cas ever being there at the end of the line. And ironically at the end, he was only there with all kinds of pie but no Cas. Amazing how life worked out for him.

Jib 2015 solo panel where he again denies both CasDean and Destiel from Fan Fiction episode. JPad was not there and Jensen was in a bad mood so maybe it had something to do with that.

Chicon 2016 he again invalidates Cas when a question is asked about him Cas and Mary.

TorCon 2016 where both Js are denying Cas's importance saying there's no necessity for him.

JaxCon 2017 he pretty much shoots down Destiel by saying Destiel doesn't exist.

In JaxCon 2018 he wrote NO infront of Bi Dean research paper a fan showed him.

Jibcon 2019 he asks audience Where does Destiel exist. but I think he was much like teasing the audience there tbh. No major harm but it still hurts.

I just.. I truly believe he knows what he and Misha were doing in the Destiel implied scenes. And now the cat is pretty much out of the bag. But still Jensen is pretty much staying on his ground and it is nice he is now more open for interpretation but the strength this fandom should have to forgive him for all he did...

I believe in Karma. I think Karma got to Jensen eventually for all hurt he did by those words to the fandom. I don't hate Jensen in fact I really adore the guy. But it doesn't mean I am not upset by his words. How I think Karma worked here is that he never embraced what he was portraying as a character and Karma finally said "Okay Dude enough foreplay.. You want pie okay here's pie and your car now die and be in heaven and your character arc is in garbage but your brother gets to live. There goes your male fantasy.."

I understand if he had internalized sexuality issues of himself that he didn't feel like exposing by talking about Dean and Destiel but still there are much better ways to shoot down fan opinions without being so rude.

In 2014 he pretty much says that at the end of the series Dean might get all kinds of pie with no Castiel and...Geez Is it not what exactly happened? No Cas and Pie on his face. Accidental foreshadowing spoilers..

I think he got Karma for hurting so many fan hearts and denying something he evidently portrayed in his character. At the end he didn't get a happy ending he got robbed by his own show. While the shippers actually got something out of it Thanks to Misha.

I don't need Jensen to embrace Destiel in an open hug because not in any universe that's gonna happen. I actually hoped he would eventually be open to it. He actually might be, considering his reaction to episode 18. But there's no proof actually footage of him saying anything positive about Destiel. It just... is such a bummer.

I know Jensen is hurt for his own reasons by his own show which actually hurt him in ways no fan ever did. I hope he understands how fans feel now being betrayed by a show they love.

May be he had the Karma coming..

Wow. I-

Hmm. This was super long and I read each and every word of it. However, I feel like maybe you are a Jensen anti. Maybe you are not but that's the vibe I got as I read all this.

First of all I am a Dean girl since the pilot. I love Dean. I watched the show because of Dean. Even before I knew about Destiel, I loved Dean. When Cas showed up, I still loved Dean and to me, Cas was a part of Dean somehow, it just always felt that way.

Secondly. I love Jensen and Misha. I know some people don't like Jensen because of Destiel but I like him and I know he has said something's about the topic but truth is, I get why he did that.

Thirdly, I don't think Karma has anything to do with Dean's death. What they did to Dean was fucked up. Jensen doesn't write the show or control the direction that the show went. That is up to the network, the producers and the writers. Period. So, No. Karma had nothing to do with Dean's end. Jensen protested a lot about the ending. We all know why they did it. It's been talked about x10000000000.

Lastly, on the issue of Jensen and Destiel.

Jensen has on numerous occassions that he doesn't think Cas feels things the way human beings feel things. I believe Dean was on love with Cas but he wasn't sure whether Cas felt the same way because he's an angel.

Bi Dean. Not to discredit anyone but the notion that Jensen would deny that Dean was bi because of his own sexuality crisis irl feels like an insult to Jensen as an actor. I saw once an anti Cas/Misha person say that the way Dean hugged Cas in 12x09 was because Jensen hates Misha. Make it make sense. That is an insult to Jensen. There are directors and writers involved. Jensen doesn't get to decide how he wants to hug Cas or Sam. Yes, they have a right of input sometimes but it is very rarely. And thinking personal feelings would affect his acting or portrayal of Dean is truly a moot point. There are so many actors with feuds irl but when they are performing you would never know. Please let's not insult Jensen like that. He deserves an Emmy for playing Dean so well all these years.

Jensen denied Destiel and Bi Dean because it was never explicitly said he actually was bi or was in love with Cas. However, it is there in subtext. I could list all those instances but I'm guessing you already know all those instances from your research on various cons as indicated in the ask. I believe Jensen knew how he played Dean as bi and as in love with Cas. However, if he said "Yeah, Dean is bi and is in love with cas" then the show doesn't explicitly confirm it, then what. You would all start call him a liar and a panderer like many have called Misha. So he just said what was there. Do you remember Metatron's monologue in s9? What makes a story great, is it the text or the subtext? To me, it's both. To others it's the text while for others it's the subtext.

The network and producers. These are I believe the people who decide what the fans want and how to make money from the show. So if they believe textually confirming Destiel canon or bi Dean would've lined their pockets they would've done it. If watched the show, s12 was pretty gay. It's the gayest of all seasons followed by s15.

Anyway, I have a feeling that you might be an anti destiel or anti Jensen person trying to pose as destiel shipper. I honestly don't know. All I can tell you is that I am a Jensen Ackles apologist and I believe he did as much as the network would let him in terms of letting us see that Dean was in love with Cas.

12x23, 13x01-13x06,15x03,15x09,15x18. There's so much but I am neither a destiel meta writer or a film/tv critic so there's not much I can say. But please Jensen is a good man and I think people asking him over and over again about Destiel when he knew he couldn't give them the answers they wanted got to him and he had to shut it down. Maybe sometimes he was rude but he's only human.

[aresrl]

I hihi I am!!! A little nervous w/ doing this bc I've never done this b4 so please bear🐻 w// me💦 May I request a match up? A vision, a romantic partner and maybe a friend and/or enemy? If that's too much feel free to just assign me a vision + partner, ehe/// Preferably male for a romantic match-up, but either gender is fine with a friend and enemy match-up^^ I tried to be as detailed as possible but I think I ended up just ranting, so im v v sorry if it's long! I sort of fluctuate when it comes to being an introvert/extroverted. W// strangers and irl, I'm very introverted and shy!! Rarely speak and if I do it's just the usual "Hi how are you? That's good. I'm good too, thank you for asking:)" yeayea I'm not too. Keen on social interaction irl. But I always do my best to be very nice!! I never wanna come off as mean bc wow what a bad first impression that would be. But with friends / ppl ik online?? Whew I am very very friendly n chatty ^^ Either very high energy or very chill, there's rarely any inbetween. Sometimes I like to jokingly tease my friends but I'd never go too far / make them uncomfortable!! And if I do I always apologize right away!! I like to say that I'm affectionate?? My strongest love language is def physical affection, if not quality time. Idk man there's just something about vibing with someone or hugging them that just aaaaa/// Although I usually display affection w// words of affection bc. Literally most of my friends are online friends so I can't actually hug them, sad times. Idk if this is needed/important info but I just remembered: I'm 5'6 around??? Need glasses bc. Whew i am blind (near sighted), I'm poc (specifically black) anndd, hm. Actually I think thats it for this section, aha. As you can see I'm, not really all that organized. Also I don't have the best attention span - while writing this I'm circling between 4 different apps - and I'm a bit of a mess. And also a little stupid. Just a smidge dumb. But I have my moments - I solved like. 2 puzzles in Inazuma by myself so I think that counts for something. I also find that I tend to talk a whole lot when I have an idea or smthn to say abt a thing I'm super interested in!! That's info-dumping. I info dump. Yes. I also really like to listen to other people talk abt things they like!!!! Its so nice :) I'm protective over people I care about!! I've never done it but 100% would bark at someone who messed with someone close to be. Arf arf yaknow. I tend to he impulsive. I'll do something, and be all "YEAH>:D" and then regret it later. And then I'll do it all over again in a fun little cycle :) I consider myself an optimist, but quickly turn into a pessimist whenever it concerns myself. Fun funfun. Should probably mention that I am. A very insecure person w/ dangerously low self esteem, which is super fun esp when you mix that with the fact that I'm rarely ever motivated to improve. Yayayay Also sort of a pushover?? Like most often than not I'll be convinced to do something, even if I'm not too keen on doing it. Also afraid of confrontation when it comes to my friends and strangers (that is, if it's concerning me!! I'll order smthn for my friend but if I need to order for myself?? uhh stutter time aha). I'm also a mega simp ahah! Srsly though if I fall for someone/get infatuated with someone I. Will be so obvious abt it even though I try very hard not to be. Would gush over that person probably. I don't really like mean people tbh. Like yes I'll be nice and civil with them but!!! I cannot stand!!! Rude people!!! Esp when they're mean for no reason like sir??? maam??? homie??? chill pls ty<3 People who aren't necessarily mean, but moreso have bastard energy and are just really "hehe>:D" but playfully are p poggers tho!!! I think I get along with kids!! I have a little sister,, around like. Nine? And we get along really well!! I also try and match a kid's energy whenever I'm tasked with looking after them. I take pride in the fact that kids like me >:].... even if they sometimes scare me-- Ok, interest time!!

I like art!! Quite a bit!! Less of a realistic artist and more of a cartoonist!! Idk there's just something fun abt drawing cartoons, hehe. I also like self ships - I have quite a bit of them, actually ! Idk its comforting drawings your fictional crushes loving you idkidk. I like writing too! Both original stories, and one-shots or personal fics that are associated with already created media!! Writing character backstories and personalities and stuff is also fun too! I've even made my own fictional world with a full fledged backstory n everything! It's very fun to think about. I'm a day dreamer!!! Yea remember when I said I write stories? I day dream abt potential stories even more. Mmm daydream world so nice so warm so fun I read aswell!! Mostly fantasy books, or stories where animals are the protagonists. Think Warrior Cats. But my favorite book series has got to be Guardians of Ga'Hoole. Fantasy owl books, anyway! X Readers are also things I enjoy reading :) Again, s I m p Also gaming!!! Is something fun I do sometimes!!! Although it's usually Genshin Impact, or Wii Sports/Resort w// my little sister. Oh, also pokemon! I rlly like Primarina, Vaporeon, Sylveon and Vulpix/Ninetails! I absolutely adore sweet foods, and baking is smthn I'm def interested in! Don't like foods w// weird textures though, like beans or mashed potatoes. Also I. Love spice so much. Mmm love it when my mouth burns so bad. Don't have a favorite animal but I've had three cats in my lifetime (btw not important but my current cat is named Sylvester and. He's my baby boy) so I am. A very big cat fan. Probably not needed but I really like sword and claymore characters. Literally all of the characters I main are either sword or claymore users. Although I did get Diona, so I miiight start forcing myself to learn how to aimmm. I see that I tend to like people/characters that are a little more extroverted than me. Upbeat, happy type beat!!! Nice sunshine babies, :) I think thats it! I hope this was good enough? Again, first time doing this (at 2am nonetheless) so forgive me if I got too rambly or did anything wrong ^^ Thank you for taking the time out of your day to read this! And I hope your day is good / you had a good day, depending on when you read this, ehe!

Hey! Sorry if the wait has been long! I also love Warrior Cats (I promise myself, one day I'll finish it.)

You received... A Pyro vision! Optimistic, enthusiastic, impulsive, reckless, and a lot of energy are the general characteristics held by the Pyro vision. • I hesitated between the Pyro and Hydro vision, but your energy distinguishes you from the Hydro vision. • You said you were impulsive, always doing something you might regret later but still doing it. • You react quickly: as you said, if somebody hurt someone you love, you won't think twice before barking. Your partner would be... Xingqiu! “This feeling was unexpected.” • At first, you were just friends, and Xingqiu really loved to tease you. Actually, you both teased each other. But eventually, a feeling of love towards you grew into Xingqiu. And that was reciprocated. • Your relationship is filled with teases, jokes, and good/funny moments where you mostly share what you commonly appreciate. • He also knows when to get serious: for example, he does everything to support you during your moments of struggle concerning your self-esteem. Your friend would be... Childe! “Luckily, I'm here!” • You two also share funny moments, especially during situations where your “stupidity” is overtaken by his insight. • Sometimes, he finds you cute. • He likes the fact that you get along well with kids. It leads you to great moments with him and his siblings. • You're quite the opposite in terms of self-esteem. I think it's a good thing because it makes you complementary. Your enemy would be... Albedo! A misunderstanding. • You wouldn't hate each other, but I think Albedo wouldn't like the way you use your energy, and when you're more in a chill mood (meaning you're more available for him to talk), he could get pissed at how much times he'd have to repeat himself for you to understand something. • He's very patient, but he understood quickly that his interests would maybe not be within your reach. • You would just be too different. Worth to mention • You and Venti are like drama queens in Mondstadt. You are good friends. But you both know that you can't be more, as it would eventually both drag you down (because of similar problems). • Klee is also your best friend: both of you share decisions that you definitely will regret later. Or maybe not. • Hu tao and you are kinds of silently competing over who's the best tease, and she beats you. My goal is definitely not achieved. I hope I can catch up tomorrow. And don't worry, it was surprisingly good for a first description!