#i already am hating my living situation more and more bc of other circumstances and now the laundry machine is like. i can make that worse

[lesbianpegbar]

the universe just keeps insisting on kicking me while i’m down huh

[lizzxrd]

So I came up with this little silly idea at work to briefly distract myself from The Horrors (mental illness)...

and it wasn't supposed to be anything more than that but I just keep rotating it in my mind now..

Like I just keep thinking abt the canon blade eaters and Silva (my oc, who'd probably be a bit of a special case bc he got a full core crystal that was modified to replace his heart)

I think Torna wouldn't rlly have any moral qualms abt letting Mik occasionally munch on some people and they'd probably even let him sap some energy from their core crystal collection so he wouldn't die. Mik probably wouldn't exactly love it but he's like kind of "whatever" about it. He's working towards destroying the world anyway. Doesn't really matter when these people die.

Zeke would probably despise Amalthus for having him turned into a blade eater and he'd probably despise himself for what he has to do to survive to an extent too. He'd still be happy about him and Pandoria being able to continue to live alongside each other but ough the misery. That one scene where Zeke talks to Amalthus in Indol would hit so different too. Him telling Amalthus he thinks those who kill others are weak and then the realization slowly kicking in. He'd probably be awful at coping with it. Zeke is such a silly goose in canon xbc2 so it feels weird imagining him in any even remotely angsty situations but Idk I kinda vibe with this. Also I'm not a huge fan of PanZeke as a ship usually. They just have such oomftacular bestie vibes to me but I think I like it in this context. PanZeke angsty hurt/comfort. Pandoria comforting messed up vampire-ish Zeke, reassuring him he's not an awful person and also being his source of ether. And also she feels kind of guilty because it's a part of her core that turned Zeke into this so he also comforts her, reassuring her it's not her fault at all and he always makes sure to be extra kind to her bc of how much she does for him and how unbelievably much he cares abt her. [Explodes]

Rex would not be affected. He's not really a Blade Eater in the way the others are. Aegis cores are weird and special. And he's technically kind of dead already so even if they weren't he probably would be unaffected. U cannot convince me that Jin's attack somehow left him barely alive. He's basically a walking corpse and only tethered to the world through that part of Pythra's core and the conduit.

Amalthus would have absolutely 0 issues with being a fucked up vampire/cannibal Blade Eater. Both in terms of morals and getting ether and blood/flesh for sustenance. Tbh he'd probably get a kick out of doing fucked up vampire things even. Indol has a massive amount of core crystals he can sap energy from and nobody will truly notice/care if occasionally a few of the refugees go missing. (And even if people care, they wouldn't really be able to do anything about it. Enough people in positions of power in Indol and in Indol's military force have a cult-like devotion to Amalthus and revere him as some kind of deity. Trying to pose a genuine threat to him would be akin to commiting suicide.)

And last but not least I get to be cringe abt my oc. :3 Normal Blade Eater Amalthus and Silva are, like, two awful guys who hate but tolerate each other because of Circumstances. Silva is such a repressed but very desperate loser type of gay guy that he occasionally has Thoughts but he'd rather die a thousand deaths than actually admit anything to Amalthus or even himself; he just represses it further.

In Blade Eater vampirism AU they are awful guys who hate each other who are soo codependent and toxic. Cannibalism as a metaphor for love, enemies AND lovers, they're tearing each other apart (literally), neither of them has a normal understanding and concept of love, etc. Do u understand.. (I am,, so very Normal about them).

Silva's core was specifically modified to function as his heart since his original one was more than just a little faulty. The technology used to achieve this and research regarding it was lost like almost everything about Judicium upon the devastating attacks on Temperantia during the Aegis war. But anyway despite being a very early Blade Eater experiment - from far before Indol started dabbling in making Blade Eaters - he turned out surprisingly well. The physical link between his organic cells and his core are strong and deteriorate at a much slower rate; the only thing that got really messed up by this was his mind. He's still a fucked up vampire like the other Blade Eaters. He just needs to consume ether and blood/flesh far less frequently. He also has some of the regenerative abilities of blades. He's able to recover faster from wounds than non-blades but not quite as fast as blades and he still grows scar tissue on wounds that are severe enough.

Having a singular guy who's a source of both ether and organic material for sustenance and can regenerate is very convenient for Amalthus and far less suspicious that what he was doing before! Especially because Silva cannot exactly do anything about it. He stumbled his way into becoming Amalthus's blade and acting against him would be awfully unwise (AND being an important asset to Amalthus also grants him easy access to ether and blood when he does need it). Also while Silva is stuck in this situation Amalthus does let him get away with a lot more things than he really should (including but not limited to: verbal and physical threats and letting him bite him as well)

:33 giggling, squealing, kicking my feet, etc. They're so bad for each other but they deserve each other so very much. I love thinking abt them. They're my horrid old men babygirls ❤️

[reverieaa]

I need your guidance, i am a college student. I have been in loa tumblr since 2021, and i have been dealing with this problem since then. 

you see, i am manifesting a completely new life for myself where i am not in uni anymore. But to make a state dead is to turn your attention away from it, how can i do that when i have to deal with uni everyday? how can i do that when i think of exams, homework, attending classes blah blah blah.. 

i used to be really good at studying and get extremely good grades when i did not know about the law. why? because i desired to live a different life for myself away from this home and the only logical to do so was to push myself in school. due to that, i am now in a major i absolutely hate because it was the best thing available to start a career with a steady income. 

why am i mentioning this? because since i found out about the law my grades started getting bad. I do NOT want to push myself anymore. why would i? i absolutely CANNOT stand studying anymore, why would i push myself and put hours upon hours onto something that won’t matter anymore when i manifest my dream life…? 

that was the “logical explanation” i told myself every time i got a bad grade. but the thing is.. my dream life hasn’t “manifested” yet. 

consequently, i was extremely DESPERATE back in 2022. i tried everything under the sun to manifest my dream life whether that was in summer break before uni, i tried time crunches, working on my self concept, the vo*id.. i even deleted subjects because everything was so overwhelming so i deleted them to focus on “my manifesting journey”… 

i feel like this ask is all over the place. but everything i mentioned was to better explain my situation. you may ask “if you’re manifesting your dream life and that doesn’t include being in uni why are you worried about your grades…?”  because i am afraid. what if my grades become so bad that it do irreversible damage to my GPA while i still haven’t manifested my dream life????? I CANNOT turn my attention away from uni but at the same time absolutely hate it. I cant do it. so it makes sense why i would become so desperate and focus on time so, so much. I cant let go of time.

please, i am asking you help and guide me. 

If it's one important advice I'd have to give, is do not ever ignore the 3D. I know it must be hard for you right now, but what you do in the 3D does not matter if u satisfy yourself within.

When Neville was in the army, he said he didn't want to be there. He wanted to manifest getting out and going home to his wife and daughter. He applied to be deployed but was denied, his superior told him if there's one person he'd like to go to war with it's him. What do you think Neville did?

He did nothing. He didn't break or accept that he was never going to make it home. He continued training and slept in a room full of other military men, In a small bed.

But in his mind he was not there, in his mind he said he was at home, with his wife and daughter. He accepted with no reasoning that he was already released and at home. He said in his mind he was in ecstasy, happy and relieved even if he knew physically he was in tbe military bc he was trained there everyday.

Soon after his superior called him to his office, and asked him if he really wanted to leave. Nevielle answered yes, and his deployment was approved. He packed his things and went home.

Do not ignore the way you feel, but do not accept ur 3D circumstances as the end. Go within you mind and stay there, to yourself u are the person u desire to be, afe u not? Who's going to say what u are and aren't in ur imagination.

The only way to satisfy yourself is within, nothing is going against u and the faster u realize that, the more power to you. To me it doesn't matter what the 3D shows, if I'm feeling good within bc that is what u desire. Your oiter reality is only a reflection of your mind and it's contents. Do not sabotage yourself and ignore the 3D and what's given to you in it, that only worsens things for u.

It's not your responsibility or business for things to show up in your reality or when. U need to learn how to be observant of your 3D rather than a reactor of it, it is possible.

I wish you the best, not only with loa but school in general. Please don't just completely ignore ur 3D and view as sth going against you or as bad, it is a gift for u to enjoy your manifestations. I hope this helps and that u don't stress yourself so much. There's time for everything.

[mrpenguinpants]

Alrighty it's been a few hours and I'm fully awake so here's the (mostly) coherent response that I promised:

Okay so when you mentioned how the unknown god said “the arrogation of mankind ends now” it made me wonder if we (Aether & Lumine) had a hand in that calamity that destroyed Kaenri’ah? Whether accidentally or on purpose (hopefully w good intentions tho) we triggered the calamity and the unknown god stepped in like “it’s time to STOP” and even though a lot of other factors went into it she kinda scapegoated the outlanders? Maybe our presence was disrupting the balance of the world lol

OH AND WHAT IF THE UNKNOWN GOD USED TO BE KAENRI’AH’S GOD BUT SHE TURNED HER BACK ON THEM AFTER THE CALAMITY??? BC SHE THOUGHT THEY WENT TOO FAR W THEIR ALCHEMY????? MAYBE??????? Did you already mention this I honestly don't remember lmao sorry

But also I’m super intrigued by the fact that the sky is a hoax as Scaramouche said and the possibility that Kaenri’ah is in the false sky 👀 Bc rn we can see Celestia in game as an actual physical place and I wonder if Kaenri’ah used to also be a bunch of floating islands but the calamity yeeted them into space or something lmao? This also just reminded me that in the traveler’s voice overs they mentioned that the day/night cycle in Teyvat is much shorter than in their world (and ofc we can see that clearly in game) and idk if that was just a hand-wavey way to incorporate this game mechanic into the lore or if it’s actually significant but maybe it means something????? Like idk the calamity fucked up time in Teyvat or something????

Idk I’m word vomiting rn I said I’d write a coherent response once I’m awake but turns out I just can’t be coherent in general lmao

HELLO! IT’S BEEN A FEW DAYS BECAUSE I’M SUPER BAD AT REPLYING ON TIME BUT I’M HERE NOW! TUMBLR WON’T LET ME REPLY TO COMMENTS BUT I AGREE WITH WHAT U SAID ABOUT CHILDE. HE’S SUCH A ONE BRAINCELL DUMBASS BUT HE’S MY DUMBASS. [nvm tumblr fixed itself] I am holding onto his boss fight so I can beat him into submission with Xiao. I AM SO EXCITED FOR FEB 3. IT’S TOMORROW!!! 

---

Okay, not gonna lie, I really want Aether and Lumine to be horrible people lol. Not in a sense that we caused the calamity in order to wipe out humans with evil intentions, but Aether and Lumine are really sheltered in a sense. Since it’s only been the two of them and they don’t seem to stick around in the same world. Lumine doesn’t appear to have a lot of feelings and hangs around the abyss order while Aether seems to be gaining human emotion (since he basically had a mind reset) and that could be why Dainsleif issued his whole “prove to me that you are fit to save her”. Since he’s super into humanity and hates the Gods. That kinda stuff. But this is me spitballing and wanting everything to be sad haha. 

Yo, I wanna see that. The unknown god spitting metaphors and flowery language just to say “yo wtf are you doing, it’s time to STOP.” I definitely believe in our presence was disrupting the balance since Lumine says something like “outlanders don’t belong here” or something like that. Plus all the shit that happened with Aether throughout the story. Saving Dvalin and sealing Osial. 

YES. YES. I’M TOTALLY ON BOARD WITH THAT THEORY THAT THE UNKNOWN GOD WAS THE KAENRI’AH GOD. I love those tragic “I used to be the good guy but due to unfortunate circumstances it’s time to stab a bitch” (yo what a status. This is my status now). But I completely believe that Khemia was what caused the calamity. Or even, okay back to me spit balling even tho this isn’t really a theory (and I don’t think this is how genshin is going to go but my brainworms are taking over), since Khaenri’ah was an archoneless land, that doesn’t necessarily mean there aren’t gods the same way Liyue has adepti’s right? We don’t know what region Khaenri’ah is yet (at least I think) since Liyue is China and Mondstadt is Germany so I can’t say anything about folklore and what not. But each region so far has some sort of celestial being that isn’t an archon but still protects that specific piece of Teyvat. So what if the unknown god was technically a god, might have been the archon, but perhaps Lumine and Aether dislike the gods and tried to teach the people of  Khaenri’ah how to like, rise above or whatever, but that whole situation backfired and started the calamity. And the unknown god was just this whole, misunderstood situation the same way with the salt goddess in Liyue. Havria? I think that’s her name. That could explain why she went after the two siblings and said the whole, arrogation of mankind. 

Scaramouche you fucking bitch, explain to me in english what you mean!! Why are you leaving me off on a cliffhanger;; Stupid gremlin smh, I say this but as soon as I see his banner I’m gonna whale for him even though I hate using castors. I’m gonna finally use Mona and Lisa when I get him haha. That is very true tho, I believe Khaenri’ah is the false sky or it has something to do with the sky. YEETED THEM INTO SPACE LOLLL. This kinda reminds me of the gbf lore and the crimson horizon. Basically the gbf main story takes place above the clouds and the crimson horizon is what separates gbf with the “main world”. The main world went to shit so that’s why everyone now lives in the sky. It would make sense since the calamity turned everyone into monsters.  

Honestly, I can see it being some sort of hint because genshin is lowkey really bad at subtly hinting at things (COUGH ZHONGLI AND ALBEDO COUGH). Or it could just be a nod to irl people and the day night cycle but who knows. I feel like Venti or Zhongli would say something about it since the calamity started, Mondstadt went to go and help and honestly, the timeline of Khaenri’ah is so fucked. Either way, Scaramouche was on musk reef which does lead to the spiral abyss and time doesn’t act naturally there either so there might be some connections but who knows haha. 

Nah nah, I live for this kinda stuff. Don’t worry about being coherent because I’m never haha. Honestly, theory lore stuff needs to be more “slapping the whiteboard as I look at you with my sleep deprived eyes” instead of “this is my 20 page essay detailing the quantum mechanics of fictional characters”. 

[itsclydebitches]

ngl voyager gets a whole lot of very disproportional hate from the fandom and i'd hazard a guess that a lot of that is just garden-variety misogyny (and probably racism mixed in, considering how many of the most prominent characters are women, poc, or both). like, is voyager perfect? absolutely not. and no spoilers but there was a lot of executive meddling that wound up leading to the finale/conclusion being lacking and there's a lot of reasonable dissatisfaction with that--but again that was largely thanks to the execs fucking the show over and i recommend looking into that if you can once you've finished the show. but overall? voyager is trek right to its very core--it has heart, it's about family, and it never loses sight of that imo, even if some episodes are weaker or just duds (but, like, would it be a trek series without some episodes that just kinda suck but are still fun to watch???)

anyway, i absolutely love that you're getting into voyager, it is my all-time favorite trek series to this day for a lot of reasons, and i hope that ppl like that anon dont put you off bc i'd love to continue to see your thoughts as you watch the series!

Oh, it would take a whole lot more than some anons being salty that others enjoy things to turn me off :D 

Thus far (I lost internet last night so I’m still only on Episode 7 of Season 2), Voyager is the Trekiest Trek I’ve watched. Which is a weird sentence, but I mean it in the way you said it’s “trek right to its very core.” What is Star Trek, if we strip the intent of the story down to its basics? It’s about exploration, discovery, that “wagon train to the stars,” wrapped up in the argument that life is fundamentally good. We have problems, but we can work past them. We have differences, but they strengthen us. Diversity is the lifeblood of the universe and the future will continue to improve so long as we embrace that. 

Voyager is (again, from what I’ve seen so far!) basically a love song to that premise. I didn’t do too deep a dive because I’m trying to avoid spoilers, but I did look at a couple threads discussing why Voyager is so hated. Again and again I saw the same reason pop up: wasted potential. Now, a lot of fans left it at that (as if the answer to what potential Voyager apparently missed out on is self-evident. It’s not), but those who did expand on the idea consistently claimed that the show needed to be darker than it was, even if they rarely said it like that. Why aren’t the Federation and the Marquis at each other’s throats? Why isn’t the crew going crazy under these circumstances? Why aren’t characters getting killed off left and right in hostile space? “Anything could have happened out there and they played it safe!” but the “anything” here is always... awful. There’s this very pervasive idea that the world is inherently cruel, people are inherently divisive, that when pushed to the brink everything will fall apart... and that (while making for one kind of great story) is very much not Star Trek. 

See, Voyager created an unimaginable scenario--lost in space, 75 years from home, forced to live indefinitely with strangers--and their answer to the question of “What happens?” is “People make it work.” They learn to respect one another, they uphold their ideals, they maintain a love of life and discovery, and they create a family. And that’s fucking fantastic. That’s Star Trek! I’m not going to pretend there aren’t problems with the show, with plenty more to come, I’m sure, but I don’t think this is one of them. Why do so many viewers think that hatred, horror, death, and growing jaded is the only potential here? Why would they expect that in a Star Trek show whose premise is the very antithesis of those things? 

“But they don’t do enough with those things, even if they have happy outcomes.” They do plenty, they just do it in an episodic rather than serialized nature. I can point to multiple episodes where the replicator rations or Maquis differences are driving the characters’ actions. “But without that horror there’s no conflict.” There’s plenty of conflict. Hostile aliens aside, I just watched an episode where Tuvok and Chakotay are pissed as hell at one another because they fundamentally disagree over how to handle problems, but--because they’re adults with a well-tested respect for one another--they apologize and work through it. “But the characters don’t develop at all.” You mean they don’t grow harder. That’s not the same thing as no development. Tuvok is figuring out how to be more flexible, Chakotay is becoming more willing to accept cultures he doesn’t agree with, Harry is growing more confident now that he’s far from home, the Doctor is learning to see himself as a person, Paris is grabbing his second chance with both hands by making strong ties, and Janeway is learning to command and care for her crew simultaneously. I honestly believe that a lot of people think of “character development” as the character becoming a fundamentally different person, unrecognizable from where they started out. But  characters can also grow into the people they wanted to be in the first place. “We’re far from home, in hostile territory, tempted to do horrific things to survive... but no. Right now at least, we’re holding onto who we are. We’re scientists, so we’re going to explore and learn. We’re peaceful, so we’re going to make friends with as many species as we can. We’re members of a society that teaches acceptance, so we’re going to form a family on this spaceship.” That’s incredible!! Did fans miss why Seska was an antagonist in the episode she was unmasked? Because she was trying to convince them to give up everything they believe in in the name of survival, an ends justify the means argument. And the crew said no, we will not give up what we believe in just to make it through. I legit saw a ton of fans saying some version of, “I can’t believe they were that far from home and actually followed Starfleet’s rulebook.” It’s because those rules don’t exist for the hell of it. Overlooking their practical function, they’re a philosophy that the characters believe in, and they’re figuring out how important that part of their identity is to them under these circumstances. Am I willing to steal a specie’s technology if it gets us home? Am I willing to die to help another uphold their own philosophy? (Chakotay in “Imitations”). What regulations should we bend or change to accommodate our new situation? The first two things Janeway does are a) giving the guy who just came out of a penal colony a rank and b) deciding that she needs to be more familiar with her crew than is normally encouraged for a captain because she’s essentially their mom now. Developing doesn’t have to mean characters do a 180 on their initial personality, or characters getting killed off when stuff gets “boring” so that others can do edgy things in response. 

Voyager upholds Trek’s premise and runs it to its logical conclusion: 

Voyager has the most literal trek--a trek back home. 

Voyager has the most diverse crew--a woman Captain, Native American First officer, black Vulcan, Asian-American communications officer, and a White Dude pilot that realizes he wants to be soft and kind towards those who took a chance on him because Toxic Masculinity who? 

Voyager has the most literal family--not just a 5+ year mission, but a crew who expects to raise the next generation. They have no choice but to work together, so they indeed come together rather than pulling apart

Except they do, of course, have a choice. In “The 37′s” the crew is allowed to stay on the Earth-like planet with a city of other humans and Janeway is convinced that a sizable number will choose that. After all, they may never get home and this is a safer, kinder future for them. In fact, the real question is whether so many will stay that they can no longer run the ship... but Janeway would never dictate her crew’s choices in that manner. So she swallows her worry down, opens the door... 

... and finds that not a single person decided to stay behind. And the show has ensured we understand that this is not just because they all have some unshakable belief that they’ll get home (many don’t), but because this is their family now. This is home. 

And fans want to toss that out for a generic, gritty, sci-fi adventure where hope is scarce, the universe is cruel, and people need to be pushed to the limit just to admit that they maybe, sort of, like each other?? Obviously like what you like, but that’s a hard pass for me. I’ll take the bridge crew comforting each other in “Twisted,” thanks. Besides, we already have shows like that. And we already have DS9 which grapples with many of those dark, pessimistic themes. Voyager feels like a breath of fresh air, even within the breath of fresh air that is Star Trek as a franchise. It’s a show that says, “Yes, when everything goes wrong people will come together. They will love each other. They will make it through.” 

What’s more Star Trek than that? 

[potatopossums]

Do u ever feel so lonely that u can't even breathe?

I sit here and question my whole identity when it happens bc I've seen aromantic ppl talk about things that feel like the exact opposite of me, and i just wonder, you know? I wonder if I'm lying to myself but i also don't feel like i am. I know that talking to aromantic people and reading others' experiences has felt genuinely connecting, I've felt like someone put to words what i was feeling. It may not always align, but i do feel seen and heard and represented. I feel like talking to aro people about my feelings is so much easier than talking to allo people because aro people get what I'm saying, they don't sit there and tell me I'm simping for someone or that i just need to find a partner. They hear me and don't think there's anything wrong with me. And that's why I see myself as aro, even though sometimes my actions and feelings can seem really romantic. My identity means a lot to me, it keeps me afloat, it keeps me recognizing what it is I'm truly after, and that's affection, touch, safety, connection, trust. None of those things are inherently romantic and i don't want them to ever be for me. And that's all that matters.

I get so upset about it bc i have like 3 super close friends. 2 are alloromantic, and 1 is aromantic. All 3 of them have been there for me thru a lot in my life, and i really want to share my life with them somehow. But i feel at such a loss to do that. I feel like my allo friends have different (romantic) plans, and i feel like my aro friend doesn't see me ever actually being in their life (for distance reasons). I feel so stretched thin between all these things, trying to be reasonable about my friends and their needs and their situations. But I'm also feeling so empty and devoid of energy. I don't feel connected. I feel like my problems are impossible to them. I feel like they don't have the energy to spare for me. I feel really scared and alone so much of the time. I don't feel connected to my friends a lot of the time, and i don't think bringing this up will help. They're already doing the best they can under the circumstances of the pandemic and their own rough lives. And yet, i still feel drained and unsupported. And it hurts me so much. Bc when they do reach out to me, ofc I'm happy to hear from them — ofc I'm wanting to reconnect and start things back up right where they left off. But that never happens. Ever. The closeness never continues. It always seems to fade away yet again. And I'm so confused. I feel like it will always happen this way. I try so hard to feel important to them, to feel wanted and cared about and seen, even worried about. And nothing i do seems to make a difference, not because they don't care, but more likely because they just can't do anything else either.

I really am hating this whole situation so much.

I woke up sobbing today. First thing in the morning. I haven't really been able to stop crying since. I don't feel ready to tackle the world.

I don't have anyone to come check in on me. I don't have anyone i can call to come hug me, nobody i feel comfortable asking. I feel really alone and stuck. And i know when any of them text I'll just jump right back into another cycle of this. And i just want to turn off my phone so i can't even see their messages. So i can get used to not hearing from them. So it doesn't hurt as badly. Because something has to change. I feel like I'm suffocating because I'm crying so hard for someone to fucking see me, hold me. And nobody will. I just want to share things with them, and i can't even do that without feeling unseen. I can't connect anymore. It hurts. So much. And i need the connection. But i can't get it.

I genuinely feel like a rotting tree, already fallen down in the forest. Frozen, unmoving, decaying slowly, feeling every little cell death. And nobody cares to stop it. Nobody cares to help me. Because everyone else is already struggling.

I seriously hate this.

[one-abuse-survivor]

i know you get a lot of asks & it can take a while for one to get answered so i’m going to use this 🎈emoji to be able to quickly identify mine out of all the others if that’s okay!

i don’t really talk to ppl about this very much bc it seems like nobody really understands. not going to give many details but my parents are homophobic & transphobic, and i’m trans and gay. they don’t hate me i guess, but they continue to misgender me and things like that. i’ve been an adult for years, so i’m legally able to move out, but i don’t have any resources right now. i’m disabled so i can’t work normal jobs, so i don’t have any kind of income i can live off of by myself. my only friend is not financially stable enough that i can live with them, and i’d feel like shit having to “mooch” off them anyway. my extended family is unsupportive of the fact that i’m trans and gay, and they’d push me to work myself to death to pay my way out of their house eventually so i can’t live with any of them either. my parents have forced me to work in the past, and i had to quit less than a month in because i knew my body and mind were going to quit on me if i didn’t. i can’t get disability benefits for various reasons. i genuinely feel like i have no support system besides one friend. i feel stranded and hopeless. the only thing i can hope for is to meet someone financially stable enough that they’d actually be willing to have me while knowing and accepting that i cannot work, i wish that that miracle would happen and they would genuinely love me the way i am, and i wouldn’t be a burden. i’m in college and i’ve only got a few years of that left so i feel like i’ve just been throwing myself at people left and right hoping that i can make some kind of connection, that magically i’ll find someone who likes who i am and sees my worth and i can build a real support system before i graduate and my parents try to force me back into working myself to death with what 3 or 4 shitty jobs we have left in this hick ass town. i majored in english bc i have so many stories in my head and i really want to write them all out in hopes that even that might get me some income, but i feel so tired and numb all the time from the pandemic and c-ptsd and still living under unsupportive parents, its hard to get any words out at all. i haven’t gotten a full chapter out of me in the last two years. i just hope that some kind of miracle will happen and my energy for writing will come back to me or i’ll meet someone who can support me or something and i’ll finally have the means and safety and stability to move somewhere that i can live as myself.

That's more than okay, nonnie!

I'm so sorry you're in this situation. It's no wonder you can't write under these circumstances. Between the stress of needing to build a support system before you finish college, the constant misgendering, the pandemic, your c-ptsd, and the knowledge you might have to work when you can't do that without hurting yourself if you don't find another way to sustain yourself, I'd be surprised if you were able to get any words out at all. I write too (albeit just as a hobby) and it's already hard enough to do right now; I can't imagine how paralysing it would be to try if I needed to make money off of it. I'm sending all my support and some of my muses your way!

I really hope things change for the better, and that you get to meet people you can rely on and who love you exactly as you are.

Sending a huge virtual hug ❤

[sorenskyhigh]

Heyyy! I saw you take requests! Imagine: werewolfves, vampires, winged humans and other fantasy/mythological creatures exist (Dungen&dragon races maybe?), What would your favorite Karasuno character(s) be? And, already a happy new year! (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*.✧

Happy New Year!🎉🎆 I think I'm gonna do all of Karasuno bc they all deserve love and I just love all the Haikyuu characters!!!!! And thank you for putting in a request this is my first!!!!!! Wooohoo!!

Karasuno as D&D

(Or what I think they would be)

Daichi Sawamura

When I think of Daichi I think of a very stout, hardy person.

I know he's 176 or so cm but he's very built and in personality and physical build, sturdy

I also see him very hardworking

Daichi seems very dependable but in a chaotic way

Like he really wants to help but he also simultaneously has NO idea what he's doing

But also I can see him loving the world, people, and animals and nature

A protector but maybe a slight loner or the leader of a group, no inbetween

I honestly think he would be either a Dwarf (the only problem I have with this one is is that I don't view Daichi as a materialistic person like a Dwarf to want gold everything and whatnot) or a Firebolg

I feel either of these could fit him since they are very hardworking and sturdy people. But I lean toward firebolgs more since they are kinda calmer natural people if that makes sense??????

Daichi by no means is a calm and just no worries kind of guy but, I feel like he does have a slow and steady wins the race

Daichi is wise and strong and could live a calm and natural life like a Firebolg

Living with the animals and helping them but also living with a tribe of his people

Koushi Sugawara

I look at Suga as a very loving person that in his own chaotic way tries to help everybody

A mom friend if you will

I also see him getting close with few people a being very ride or die

He also seems a bit like a home body, like he enjoys staying home and being comfortable

Thats why I chose either a Gnome or Hafling

Gnomes are of a tight knit community and are very enthusiastic about life. Learning and building what they can

Building things to help their community and ending the day with a well earned drink with friends and family

Haflings love home comforts

Sitting by the fire and reading a good book

Doing some gardening and whatnot

But some travel and learn and grow intellectually

I think either of these would suit Suga

I can't stop imagining him as a Gnome with little goggles as he works on something small and metal with gears or him sitting in little Hafling attire or some pjs by a fire with some mead in one hand and a good book in the other

Asahi Azumane

I view Asahi as one of my personal favorite tropes of really big and scary but actually a sweet, bumbling mess/really small and adorable but could actually tortures you in a million different ways

Asahi is such a gentle giant but can get serious when he needs to

I also see him as someone very natural and loves nature/animals

That's why I picked either Triton or Genasi (the only thing about Genasi is they're super confident and Asahi very much is not)

Triton are water folk and outsiders (people think Asahi is scary and unapproachable)

They also have good relations with giant seahorses, Hippocampi, and sea lions

Can you imagine Asahi riding a Hippocampus with his gorgeous hair flowing in the waves of the water 😳 muah *chefs kiss* majestic

Anyways 😆

I also see him as a Genasi because they're kinda mysterious people with such a strong connection to nature and elemental energies

But I think he would specifically be an Earth Genasi bc they don't tend to make rash and are superior in strength and solid power

Yū Nishinoya

The little adorable ball of thunderous chaos

Noya seems like someone who loves to cause chaos but NEVER hurt anyone

He wants to have a good time but most people can't quite handle his version of a good time

Thats why I chose Satyr for Noya

Satyrs have the loose construct of a civilization and the wild urges of animals and beasts

Noya is a very independent person but will stick to very particular people

Satyrs are similar

They also view everyone as either a body to dance with, poor soul the mess with, or a sober mind to get absolutely hammered with

Ryūnoske Tanaka

Ryū is just such an awesome character to me

He is the real ride or die never gonna give up on you kind of person

I am not throwing any hate onto the other second years IN THE SLIGHTEST but Ryū did stay the whole time

And yet he seems, to me, to constantly need to prove his self worth

This is why I think he would be either a Human or a Lizardman

Humans are a young race and feel like, in their short lives they need to prove themselves

This drive causes them to be adaptable innovators and pioneers

Bu~ut I also think he would be good among the Lizardfolk

They have their own set of personal rules that they live by that aren't exactly conventional to most other races

Also they can be very food driven who isn't tho

Chikara Ennoshita, Hisashi Kinnoshita, Kazuhito Narita

All three give off similar vibes to me (not just cause they're background characters)

All three feel pretty chill and laid back but like their hardworkers once they have the right motivation

The three of them seem passive as well

Doing what they're told without much question but also like severe outsiders (I know they close themselves off from the others on purpose a bit bc they left and feel guilty)

So I chose Changelings for these three

Changelings are generally harmless, passive beings without interest in other races political affairs

But bc of this most others find them not trustworthy

They kind of don't have their own culture and just slip into other societies

I feel like these three did this with the volleyball team bc they didn't show them ever having some kind grand dream or ambitions

They just kind of float along with certain people they're comfortable with

Tobio Kageyama

Kageyama is a very independent character at heart

It's not that he WANTS to be a lonely necessarily, I feel, but that he wants to prove himself so much and constantly that he pushes people away

Even after he learned about relying on people and what it means to be a team

He stills feels like he should be able to do it himself

I feel like there is an ever constant duality in him

That's why I think he'd be a Half Elf

Human/elf mixes never really belong anywhere bc they either age faster than there elven peers or watch as their human loved ones age and die off much faster than themselves

This is why Half elf/humans keep to themselves

But for Kageyama, I feel if he had never met Hinata, Daichi, Suga, Ryū, or any of them, he would've isolated himself on accident from everyone

Shoyo Hinata

Shoyo is very impulsive but does extremely well with others

He is definitely social and NEEDS to have other people to watch his back

He has shown to be aggressive and super competitive with other players

But he forms strong bonds with those he really cares about

I feel like he would be, specifically a Longtooth Shifter

These shifters specifically are aggressive towards others they are not close to

But are deeply invested in those they have chosen to share their time with

They also are Lupine/dog based beings

And Shoyo definitely has a very dog like personality

They also are more pack oriented than other shifters

They have teamwork and group fluidity

Kei Tsukishima

Tsukishima a very stereotypical character but written in THE BEST WAY

He's that stereotype of antagonist to ally or prude outcast to reliable friend

This was caused by the circumstances of him finding out the situation with his brother

So he decided that no one could be trusted with Yamaguchi as an exception

Elf or Tiefling, did you really expect anything else? 😜

Elven people are very reserved a set themselves apart most of the time from other races, generally thinking of them as inferior or untrustworthy to be around the knowledge Elven people possess

Like Tsukishima they think themselves above other beings with a few that choose to live with with humans

Tieflings are forced away from other races

Because of a past sin that has changed them to look slightly different from others, they are shunned

I relate what happened when Tieflings became a different bloodline of humans to what happened between Kei and his older brother Akiteru

Tsukishimas rejection of companionship is something he does himself, but it is a form of mistrust towards others to not lie to him like he once was

Both Elven and Tieflings are very intelligent in their own differing ways

Elven are very well read and prestigious

Tieflings are good at slight of hand and swindling others bc of the rough cards they've been dealt in life

Tadashi Yamaguchi

Tadashi is a very different person than from what people make him out to be

Everybody makes him out to be an uwu ooga booga baby child that needs protecting

But he's not

That's not to say he doesn't have a large, warm and welcoming heart but he's NOT weak by any means

He's strong and he eventually becomes independent from Tsukishima and doesn't have to be codependent

Tadashi Yamaguchi is an amazing hardworker that is learning about the world and is trying to better himself slowly day by day

But there is the soft, kind and helpful side of him that would just do anything for a struggling stranger

That's why I chose either a Tortle or Kobold

I see him being maybe a Tortles that lives a simple life filled with schedules and living a very ritualistic life

They live simply and are very personable beings

But there's also Kobolds who are dragon like creatures that are INWARDLY aggressive but are industrious beings

They hate larger beings as they're short but will show respect if need to but would show backhanded and passive aggressive ways to show their displeasure

They also don't like direct confrontation and would rather entrapt another creature or being than directly fight them

They are also cunning and have a knack for plan making with which they share through out their entire tribe

Kiyoko Shimizu

I see Kiyoko as a very dependable person but also very independent and very strong and strong willed

Basically a feminine icon, honestly

She can do just about everything but seemingly has her own agenda

You're very lucky if her agenda should happen to align with you and your goals because she is an indestructible force not to be dealt with lightly

And yet, she is above all else a women

Feminine, beautiful, and incredibly amazing (as all women are)

I chose Aasimar for Kiyoko

Aasimar are beings that are often descendants of celestial or higher beings

They generally hold good morals and are justice deliverers

They generally serve a guardians of law that strike at evil, lead by example, and dish out justice where it is needed

They are cautious of others and sometimes misunderstood as they did what they do what they believed to be right

Aasimars are also extremely empathetic and are often times hurt by the prejudice they suffer in early years as many don't like what they don't understand

Hitoka Yachi

Yachi IS NOT THE SOFT, DEFENSLESS, CRYBABY EVERYBODY MAKES HER OUT TO BE

Yachi is shy and nervous but that is only bc she was accidentally persuaded into an intimidating world of giants

And for a short and petite framed girlt hat is TERRIFYING at first

But Yachi stepped up to the plate and batted away everyone's shit expectations for her because she rose to become an amazing manager for the team

She became independent from her mother's harsh ideas of her and showed her how powerful she can be

She may be small but she is truly mighty

This is why I picked Centaurs for her

Centaurs are the swiftest out of the humanoids and build peaceful communities

They hunt what and where they wish, as they generally move after a few years in one place, move

They highly value personal choice and individuality among their tribes

They also love and worship nature, many wanting to devote themselves to a higher power and/or become druids

They generally bear no ill will towards anyone unless the opposers strike first

Thank you @popcorntime-doodles for giving me my first request I hope you like this and I hope I did a good job

Again this is just my opinion and how I see the characters and the many races of D&D

Also again I do request I have a character masterlist in my bio ❤

@multifandombrainrot @kneecapstealingalien @akabxne @jiheonity @weareallhumans123 @smallmangi @canadian-crow @just-jellyfish @immiamarais @i-need-coffee-now-pls @foreveryoung050 @kuroos-world @luminasapphire @silverfire6 @shadowsbutdead @ghostexhibit @simpfornishinoya @goshikisimp @anothershadeofpink @mestayanon @japoga

[if-the-crown-fits-translate-it]

Discord pt 103

[Date: 25/03, 12:17 AM GMT - 25/03, 3:41 AM GMT]  

[CW for drug mention, descriptions of violence, torture mention, suffocation mention]

[Page appears in chat and begins a game of “Smile Charades” by telling the server to draw their attention to their Spotify playlist called “The Court?”, which consists of the following songs: “Break My Mind” by Dagames, “I’m the Bad Guy” by Caleb Hyles, “Echo” by Crusher-P, “Break the Rules” by Charlie XCX, “Discord” by The Living Tombstone, “The Fine Print” by The Stupendium, “I Can’t Decide” by Scissor Sisters, “Wolf in Sheep’s Clothing” by Set it Off, “Entropy” by Awkward Marina, “Happy Pills” by Weathers, “The Pitiful Children” by Eric William Morris, and “Monster” by KIRA. The server then proceeds to guess what Page could be trying to imply by this choice of songs. The following conversation ensures:]

jayyyyyyyy: “oh, happy pills is such a good song! kinda makes me sad in a way tho, ykno? its so upbeat but its basically about taking drugs so youre not truly yourself, ykno?”

Page 👑: “....

:)”

Jack the Observer 👁: “:)”

jayyyyyyyy: “huh, kinda makes me wonder if those plants are the result of drugs? or maybe theyre not, i might be looking at this the wrong way,”

Page 👑: “....”

jayyyyyyyy: “ah, either way its fine! just me wondering out loud, ykno? :]”

Page 👑: “:)”

jayyyyyyyy: “wow, what a unique and interesting message! thank you for the playlist, page, its really eye opening and neat to listen to :]”

Page 👑: “:)”

jayyyyyyyy: “wow, what a fun song about partying and breaking the rules! ,i sure hope, none of ,the court does that!, :]”

Page 👑: “:)”

jayyyyyyyy: “ooo i cant decide is a good one, a classic, especially for those in uh. *looks at writing smudged on wrist* ...the my little pony fandom...”

Page 👑: “....”

jayyyyyyyy: “its so cool! love how the singer has conflicting feelings about their attachment to the one theyre torturing, how they ultimately have to decide whether they want to be good and spare their life, or if they want to continue with the torture”

Page 👑: “:)”

[After a few minutes, the server wonders why Page is being so quiet and only responding in “:)”]

jayyyyyyyy: “nono, its okay, its like a yes or no thing

quiet for no, a smile for yes

is that right, page?”

Page 👑: “:)”

jayyyyyyyy: “pog! alright”

jayyyyyyyy: “okay, so still gotta find what youre picking up from this

are you not a big fan of concerts either?”

Page 👑: “....”

jayyyyyyyy: “oh, you like em?”

Page 👑: “:)

....”

jayyyyyyyy: “okay, you do like concerts! something else too tho”

[After a few minutes of conversation among the server members asking Page whether he liked concerts, or if being with the Court was like being in a concert, or if he wanted to continue the conversation in the direction of the topic of concerts, or if he wanted to talk about other topics, all of which were met with a resounding silence from Page-]

[jayyyyyyyy: “music?”]

Page 👑: “:)”

donti (e) (child): “music! alright

want to narrow the topic some more, page?”

Page 👑: “:)”

donti (e) (child): “so im assuming this is about your playlist?”

Page 👑: “:)”

donti (e) (child): “do you want us to focus on... lyrics?”

Page 👑: “:)”

donti (e) (child): “so like the tone?”

jayyyyyyyy: “well i think we already get the vibe, ykno”

donti (e) (child): “or the feel of all the songs together?”

Page 👑: “:)....”

donti (e) (child): “is there a common thread were supposed to be seeing?

Page 👑: “:)

[After some deliberation, it turned out that the common thread wasn’t about the laurels or drugs, but was about specific songs.]

jayyyyyyyy: “alright! so youre focusing on uhhh

break my mind

im the bad guy

echo

discord 50/50

wolf in sheeps clothing

entropy 50/50

happy pills 50/50

and monster”

Page 👑: “:)”

[jayyyyyyyy: “does "im the bad guy" apply to crown here?”]

Page 👑: “:)....”

jayyyyyyyy: “aight

is crown one of the common demoninators here?”

Page 👑: “:)....”

jayyyyyyyy: “aight

uhhh

im the bad guy is about.. fuck, i half remember half dont

if i remember correctly, the villain is explaining that whatever evils theyve faced before, shes much more powerful than them, and doesnt need their assistance because shes fine on her own

but

im guessing page is more focusing on. Uh”

Page 👑: “:)”

jayyyyyyyy: “oh! okay

okay, i got it

hm.. echo is about.. well, its kinda hard to say

let me look at the lyrics again

actually, this song is a perfect way to sum up the courts situation

"the echo in the mirror"

like.. youre fighting yourself? youre trapped in yourself, fighting yourself to be free”

Page 👑: “:)”

jayyyyyyyy: “pog! alright

so uhh

so far we have uhh

being stuck and fighting yourself is something im seeing rn

and the other one.. i think its better if i dont say it

am i right on the fighting yourself theme tho?”

Page 👑: “:)”

Ethza: “someone that's not crown??

"someone else"”

Page 👑: “:)”

Ethza: “OKAY

didnt expect that

so who

not crown

themselves?”

Page 👑: “:).....”

Ethza: “hm

eachother?”

donti (e) (child): “are,,, are the people who wear the crowns... pulling at the strings of their body??”

Page 👑: “....”

Ethza: “Hm”

jayyyyyyyy: “okay so

im assuming its crown and the court?”

Ethza: “but its not crown

its someone else”

Page 👑: “:)”

jayyyyyyyy: “hmm”

Ethza: “that was my first guess

so

someone else”

jayyyyyyyy: “okay! okay

and probably obvious but youre being controlled by your court version?”

Ethza: “but something else is controlling you”

Page 👑: “:)”

Ethza: “is it your court self?

the laurels?

something else?

feel free to respond to those separately”

jayyyyyyyy: “what, pray tell, the fuck are the laurels”

Page 👑: “:)”

[Ethza: “the laurels?”]

Page 👑: “....”

[Ethza: “something else?”]

Page 👑: “....:)”

jayyyyyyyy: “alright

hmmmm okay so

court selves are controlling the og selves, and crown is manipulating the court”

Ethza: “the court selves....aren't what they seem?”

Page 👑: “:)”

Ethza: “i was really hoping that wouldn't be right”

jayyyyyyyy: “well i dont think the court selves are evil”

Ethza: “i don't know if we'd call them good”

jayyyyyyyy: “theyre being manipulated, ykno? and theyre.. kinda stuck in an unwinable situation

well yea but like

either they let their alternate selves be free and they literally suffocate, or they let themselves be free and their alternate selves suffocate

and a while, youd want fresh air, no matter how good of a person you are”

[Ethza: “i don't know if we'd call them good”]

Page 👑: “:)”

jayyyyyyyy: “alright so theyre not good

obv im still suspicious that a lot of it is bc of circumstances but still evil”

Ethza: “...hey page”

Page 👑: “:)”

Ethza: “are they something we know?”

Page 👑: “....:)”

jayyyyyyyy: “i really cant think of anything else tho

dreamons maybe?”

Page 👑: “:)

:)

:)

:)

:)

:)”

jayyyyyyyy: “uhhh

OH SHIT”

Page 👑: “:)”

jayyyyyyyy: “OH FUCK

OH FUCK

OH FUCK ITS DREAMONS”

Page 👑: “:)

:)

:)

:)”

donti (e) (child): “is that a smile or a yes ??”

Page 👑: “:)

:)

:)”

jayyyyyyyy: “ITS A YES

OH MY GOD ITS DREAMONS OH FUCK”

donti (e) (child): “UH!!”

jayyyyyyyy: “OKAY

FUCK

okay

ok im. calming down”

Knight 👑: “Fetch likes this song :)” 

[DAYWALKER! by Machine Gun Kelly ft. Corpse] 

Knight 👑: “It should be obvious as to why :)”

jayyyyyyyy: “WAIT NO BUT I HAVE OTHER QUESTIONS

okay page!!

is that "thing" thats more powerful than crown the dreamons?”

Knight 👑: “Page is not in service at this time. Please check the number or try your call again. :)”

jayyyyyyyy: “oh fuck off

GOD

you mother FUCKERS

donti (e) (child): “AH IS PAGE OK”

Knight 👑: “:)”

donti (e) (child): “uhhhhhh buddy you ok”

Knight (he/they): “I see somebody talking with a mouth thats full of teeth i want to break :)”

jayyyyyyyy: “thats dumb as FUCK”

donti (e) (child): “well thats probably me time to scram :D”

jayyyyyyyy: “page did not say a single thing this entire time”

Knight 👑: “Then i'm not talking about him. :)”

jayyyyyyyy: “..neither did max”

Knight 👑: “I'm on borrowed time can't shake it :) blackout when i'm ragin'. :)”

jayyyyyyyy: “yea

again with that fuckin corpse song

hold on

huh

okay so im assuming this is just. 100% knight rn

bc you definitely did something to page

and the song daywalker is ab letting someone in on a secret and blaming them when the secret gets out

actually this song. lines up with uh

that scene”

Knight 👑: “:)”

jayyyyyyyy: “the. ykno, the murder

unless im wrong but

seems. violent”

Knight 👑: “I prayed to god and went to sleep with bloody hands :)”

jayyyyyyyy: “damn! okay

uhhh fuck

okay knight can you like. post all the lyrics youre focusing on rn?? tryna get across???”

Knight 👑: “Punch that motherfucker in the face 

you hated what he said, right? 

beat his ass, leave him at the stoplight

i know you wanted change, but nobody's around

so, kick him again while he's on the ground”

jayyyyyyyy: “thank you!”

Big G (they/them): “Uhh”

jayyyyyyyy: “....oh god i just said thank you im going SOFT

"i know you wanted change but nobodys around" is really catching my eye

"you hated what he said right" hmm”

Knight 👑: “If a pussy wanna say shit, then i'll fuckin' stomp his face in

nah, not getting better, can't change it, i left blood all on the pavement 

i'm on borrowed time, can't shake it, blackout when i'm ragin',

me and all these pills be on a fuckin' first name basis,”

jayyyyyyyy: “im kinda throwing a shot here, but is the "you hated what he said right" part about the dreamons hating what i said?”

Knight 👑: “I never said it was about page :) in fact, i told you i wasn't talking about him :)”

[hashirailme]

Mito headcanons because Kishimoto gave us nothing

- she’s Tall. like super tall. like significantly taller than Hashirama (him being the second-tallest of the founders generation)

- she has a chronic pain condition

- she’s intersex! she has Klinefelter Syndrome (XXY chromosomes); i was reading about it and thought it lined up well with some of my above existing headcanons (often associated with both above-average height and conditions like rheumatoid arthritis or lupus). ((re: anatomy: i think she canonically carried her and Hashirama’s children — i am unsure how likely it is that she would have natally had the anatomical ability to do that, so i think it’s likely that ninja medical transition was involved))

- she’s probably the most powerful sensor in the series (that might be canon, i don’t remember) — sealing Kurama in her gave her special sensing abilities, but she was already naturally gifted as a sensor before that

- as a drawaback of her sensing abilities, she CANNOT sleep if anyone else in the room (or sometimes even the house) is awake; she can’t fall asleep until the entire house does, and if anyone wakes up, she will too. and those are just her conditions to sleep at all — sometimes even when said conditions are met, the sensory background noise still prevents her from getting all the way into deep sleep. they had to build a special room with all kinds of seals on it for her to use to power nap when it becomes a problem.

- being from an influential family within her clan, she received only rudimentary training in ninja fundamentals and did very little field work, the bulk of her education being extensive political grooming and fūinjutsu studies. between her massive chakra reserves, fūinjutsu mastery, and probably a few hard-hitting offensive ninjutsu, she definitely could (and did) hold her own in a fight if need be, but she has weaknesses in physical stamina, taijutsu, and general field skills. given her aptitudes and her chronic pain symptoms, she generally stays in the village maintaining and monitoring the wards and barriers involved in the village’s defenses except under extenuating circumstances

- one such exception to this was Hashirama’s last battle with Madara. i think canon makes reference to her sealing the ninetails AFTER Hashirama’s victory against Madara, but i think it’s a bit more believable for me if it was actually DURING the battle; i think Hashirama was hard-pressed dealing with Madara and Kurama, so Mito came to the battlefield, sealed Kurama into herself, and retreated to recover (hence Kurama being nowhere to be seen by the conclusion of the battle)

- despite her regal af energy she’s actually very down to earth and non-judgemental

- she is THE emotional intelligence of the generation. she has a bit less situational angst(/cluster B/mood disorders) than most others in her generation and flawless emotional control besides, and because she has her emotions very healthily managed and she spends a good deal of energy managing those of others’ (i hate to assign this role to a female character bc stereotypes so i compensate by making Tōka more emotionally ignorant than Madara lmao)

- bc she’s such a controlled person, she had a better time of managing the ninetails than others, but it was super traumatic and scary for her if it ever did get hold of her; the aftermath of that was probably the only time anyone ever saw her like break down emotionally, including all the deaths of her loved ones she had to live through

- when she was younger she was actually awkward AF but she put a lot of work into developing her social skills and she’s very socially fluent now

[calum-hood]

no one asked but here are my thoughts about CALM the album/era as a whole (these are all opinions so.. don't hate me plz)

the good:

i think this album has some of the best lyrics collectively, they're more visual and tell a story rather than just saying words to a melody

they’ve really put the hard work in with the aesthetic for this album. the constant common look that flows through everything but still remaining in line is so good. all these photoshoots, posters and videos take so much time and they don’t have to do it, but it’s really showing that they do it because they want to. it’s my favorite aesthetics they’ve ever had. 

the music videos this era are my favorite so far too, like i just mentioned the aesthetics are still present in every video but not in a repetitive way... they somehow make it feel fresh every time... it’s so cool. also, they started working with a female director finally, praise god lol

along with the lyrics being great.... the melodies are amazing. like every single one is insanely catchy and great and unique

while selfishly i do wish there were more songs, the amount makes it a really sold piece of work that isn’t a huge time commitment to go back to and listen. 

luke’s vocals and high register are A+

listening to the album's production, you can just hear they had a really fun and experimental time making the album. if they wanted to try something they did it and didn’t question it.

they did a really nice job of making the best of the current situation with the livestreams and chats, creating a live listening party and doing a stream. it felt like a really personal thing and was a good distraction for everyone.

they say the phrase, ‘a natural progression’ a lot but this album feels the most that. like it sounds new and fresh but familiar and comfortable. 

the bad:

a lot of people have said the album felt underwhelming and i agree because- look... i know that with the current circumstances they couldn’t do promo or build up the hype they wanted/hoped to do but i am genuinely wondering who’s idea it was to release almost half the album before it came out? like they released 5 songs before the album came out... most artists do 2/3 songs so when the album does come out it still feels new. but when they released all the songs... they released half of the album and gave us a 7 song album afterward which is why i think it feels so underwhelming

why the FUCK does it feel like i’m listening to a solo act. where are Calum's parts? Ashton's? where the fuck even is Michael? if you asked me where Michael was i would say i have no idea... genuinely. in Old Me theres a literal part in the bridge where luke is harmonizing WITH HIMSELF. THERE ARE 3 OTHER MEMBERS MA’AM USE THEM. i get Luke is the frontman, the lead singer but i miss when they would trade verses bc it felt like a band and not luke and the band.

i hate when artists speak about toxic relationships in a positive light and not in the same way is exactly that. while i love the melody and it is catchy... please stop being like ‘we’re drunk we fuck we fight that’s it’... i hate it and it’s immature. 

speaking of lyrics and immaturity... stop singing about cigarettes. it ain’t cute. it ain’t an aesthetic. it cringy and try hard (like really ~im edgy~ vibes) and fuck smoking. 

teeth and easier sound like different songs for a different album to me... they stick out as hard alternative songs and then the rest is like soft pop/alt... strange to me. 

i read somewhere that ashton spoke about how they're already pretty into the next album already and that they wanna be the band that constantly releases new music and albums because “that’s where music is going” and obviously yeah i would love constant new music but... please don’t do that. quality over quantity. artists who release music constantly end up releasing the same thing over and over again and that’s not cute. allow for growth and change in life so that the music can grow and change. don’t make the same thing over and over again. 

okay that’s that on that. my current ranking is this:

wildflower

no shame

high

lover of mine

thin white lies

teeth

not in the same way

easier

best years

lonely heart

red desert

old me

[marcholasmoth]

OSRR: 2283

i did a bunch of work today. kinda exhausted.

i attended and took notes in class, i cleaned my room and went through my wardrobe to get rid of stuff in the first real clothing purge of the last like five years, and then i did all of the assignments that were due for earth science before 6pm, which was weird for me bc i usually do them after everything else during the day. but i had time, so i did them early. i also listened to two sections of math lecture, so i can do homework for that section tomorrow, and maybe get a head start on the rest of my exhaustive list of homework for each day of the rest of the semester. quite literally, i made a list. numbered it, put in all of my assignments and when i'd do them, so i have it all laid out in front of me so i can keep to the schedule, because if i fall behind any more i will not finish the semester. but i have to, and i have to have something to show to my professor tomorrow to let her know i'm not giving up, but that instead it's my mental inertia that is really preventing me from being productive. mental inertia is what i'm calling my brain's unwillingness to do a single fuckin thing on any given day. because of the definition and practical understanding of inertia, it means though that if i want it to move, i have to move it myself. i have to push it. because that's really what i'm dealing with - an unwilling blob of disaster that has a decent ability to function if it ever gets off its ass. so i need the motivation to push that blob until it starts sliding. lots of principles of physics here: inertia, forces, static and kinetic friction. yknow, the drill.

anyway, i'm proud of myself for today, even though it feels like i missed doing stuff. breaking things down into specific details helps me, so having a day-by-day calendar that goes line by line telling me what i need to do on a given day will help me push my dumbass brain into gear. it's a variation, i suppose, on the block method of task organization andrew tells his clients about. sticky notes worked for a semester. a detailed planner worked really well for a semester. so now, straight-up pads of paper will have to work for the rest of the semester. i need to rotate my methods so i don't get complacent and ignore things, like i can easily do if things are uniform and are exactly the same. which is why a list is easier i guess, because yes it's all supposed to look the same, but it's a different visual thing than a wall of brightly-colored sticky notes that end up blending into the faded yellow wall. which is a problem i have. so. i'd like to go back to the planner thing, but that also worked best when i was on campus and not stuck at home for school stuff.

also i talked to joel a little bit today. sort of a normal interaction: he asked me if i wanted to fight, i begged for death, he said no, i said why, he gave some bullshit answer, then we changed the topic. kinda funny tbh, that's sort of our way of checking in on each other. it allows me to actually tell him how i'm feeling, and while he doesn't give up much information himself, a lot of it is supporting me and my nonsense and buffoonery as i simply exist as a ball of Anxiety™ that stress-cleans and vibrates in place as i contemplate the tasks i must complete. today was an anxiety day, so i told him. [it's nice to tell someone things about my emotional state and for them to take me and what i say at face value instead of trying to break me down into pieces of "drama" and "not drama," because that's what my mom does. if i feel too much, her first response is "what's real and what's drama," or "you're being dramatic," or some other equally bullshit gaslighting of my emotional state that's fuckin fragile in the first place. like, listen linda. "what's real" all of it. "what's drama" none of it, you moldy peach pit. i feel what i feel, and you are not allowed to tell me that what i'm feeling isn't real, so shut your mouth and sit the fuck down, you melted stick of unsalted butter.] but yeah. joel actually listens and i love the shit out of him for it.

and lastly, i watched a christmas movie. by myself. before thanksgiving. but. in my defense, it was about a struggling writer at a writing conference who ends up repeatedly unknowingly bumping into the keynote speaker, a published author of whom she happens to be a fangirl in increasingly embarrassing situations at first. and then they're paired as writing buddies for the conference, and he gives her pointers and they banter and work together and it's just really cute and the Drama occurs when he's trying to tell her he's the author but she keeps rushing to go somewhere and it's the keynote and the author walks in and it's HIM. THE DRAMA. THE BETRAYAL. THE YEARNING. and then he comes to her dad's house and surprises her on christmas day with a letter from a publisher bc her revised copy of her manuscript was really good bc of all the help he gave her and the experiences they shared and all the good stuff and she said it was basically a happy ever after, to which he replied, "i guess it is." and then she says, "so kiss me already," and points to the mistletoe above them and it's SO CUTE AND SWEET AND I ALMOST CRIED.

but anyway, i feel like a hypocrite because christmas!! shouldn't!! happen!! before!! thanksgiving!! that's!! a!! rule!! and i HATE IT when people put up christmas decorations in early november, but at this point i'm accepting that it's something that gives people joy so i really shouldn't step on that. it's just. learning to accept that people enjoy certain things and i should encourage them instead of rag on them for it. i'm not perfect. i'm still learning. and i want to be a kinder person to people, more loving and accepting and supportive, and i'm slowly overcoming my own hatred of things as i grow and distance myself further from the shit that made me this way. i'm learning! if i make a mistake please tell me gently, because i want to be better but i also have RSD and i WILL shut down and tear myself down forever if i am told harshly bc that's just how i am. i'm trying to get over it a little at a time by accepting things as time goes on, but in the meantime i need help. so that's all, i guess.

thanks for reading and for caring, i love you guys and i hope you're enjoying things that being you joy, even if other people give you shit for it. i will do my best to support you!

also if you're in the US and are of voting age and are registered and haven't already voted, GO VOTE TOMORROW. some states have same-day registration, so bring an ID and go register if you need to. this election will determine our futures - i know so many of us are in circumstances that would be harmed if we had another four years of the racist orange peel in office now, so i know many others who may straight-up die because of it. we need protections. we need to have our rights protected. we need to have our lives protected. and we can't do that with the damaged candy corn in office for any longer. he'a already fucked with us enough. we can't afford any more of it. now i'm just angry ranting. please, go vote for joe biden. politics is like public transit: if there's no train going exactly where you need to go, you don't just not get on the train. you take the one that gets you the closest, and work your way from there. that's joe biden. and, if biden does indeed win, our fights aren't over. we have people we need to protect from the conservatives and racists and white supremacists that exist goddamn everywhere. we need to keep reminding people that it's our responsibility to take care of one another in every way we can. there's a laundry list of things that needs to be fixed; unfortunately they won't happen all at once. so we have to keep fighting, no matter who's in office. VOTE.

VOTE.

[grizztheexplorer]

Ep 5 Love Victor live reaction:

- what do you mean you don’t understand a Madonna reference how old am I??

- girl they hate u bc u are cheater I think u are gonna have to at least try getting along with the in laws💀 like starting a fight over it is not it💀🌚

- I hate that Victor has to do shit he clearly doesn’t want to do to turn off the fires in his family. People (THE PARENTS) need to start actually listening to their kids and not just want they wanna hear

- she said piñata for a 16 year old😭 ma’am piñatas are until ur 14 year old bday and then never again until like 18 or up ONLY when everyone else is drunk at the party and the piñatas turn ironic. Thats the rule.

- omg Lake invited Benji!!! Let Victor have one break from his gay breakdown omg (but also yesss)

- “he’s a very macho boy” [squeals] ajdjdjdjd i loved that😭😭

-omg Pilar stfu???? Sjdjjddjdj i love the family drama but let it stay in the fam not with in laws that already hate ur mom

- ik they were gonna be homophobic but jesus christ💀 let the little kid play with the damn wand fuck

- Mia!!! Looks!!! So good with the hair half up and blue eyeliner!!!!!!!! Fuck it up girl!!!!!

- they need to stop watching soccer if the guests come

- omg Mia JUST arrived and i am now realizing grandpa could be racist too fuckkkkk

- omg they are not god bless

- aah :(((( that dad is so happy bc he had a girlfriend 😭😭

- omg the mom is gonna hate the girlfriend?? She’s been so rude what a boring cliché. Bitch you cheated and have a bad relationship bc grandma is a bitch. U planning on continuing the tradition?? Even if shit is bad bc if u?? THE LEAST U CAN DO IS BE NICE💀

- follow him around with google translate LMAOOOO

- 😭😭😭 i only like the kids in the family I don’t really like the parents or grandparents someone save Benji and his bf they aren’t there yet but I don’t want them there

- its been a sec and i hate the bf omg rip. Him and Benji have interacted so little but god the actors!!!!! They have this eye contact thats so good!!!! The actor who plays Victor totally has chemistry with Mia and has these cute ass looks but with Benji!!!!!! Is such a loaded look too!!!!!! This actor is killing it!!!!! Is like less dopey and more in trance whenever Benji is around😭 Benji too bitch got a bf but be staring at Victor.

- Victor noooo how u gonna introduce them like that. He should have let them know beforehand of his grandparents. For a friend i would be in a uncomfortable situation but only if they let me know beforehand. Being surprised at the moment and caught off guard is so much more disrespectful (at least in my opinion).

- Benji is pissed and he has every right to but also i wanna die

- I can’t with grandma saying devil music lmaooooo. Thank god my grandma didn’t give a shit about those things even tho she was religious af

- also where is victor going pls don’t make Benji feel worse

- in a way I understand if Benji’s bf is pissed at him for hiding it. On another, this is benji’s FRIEND’S house. Its his family. And he asked a very ride thing last min, but it is better to leave than to flatout make a scene when you were asked to avoid it. I respect Benji for that, bc he 100% didn’t have to but it was the nice thing to do. He would be justified to make a scene or to just leave. But i feel like that should be Benji’s call more than his bf’s and the bf shouldn’t be upset at it. The relationship that can be affected is Benji’s. Its his friend and coworker. While the bf is involved and is disrespectful to him too, the call here isn’t his. And he needs to stand by whatever Benji decides to do, whether that’s cause a scene, leave, or hide for the day.

- Felix is cute. He looks like the Benji from My Babysitter is a Vampire and WHO didn’t have a crush on THAT Benji growing up??? Get him Lake. The Stiles of this world are always worth it.

-Now i stand with the bf tho. If Derek wants to go Benji could talk to Victor and go. I do think is unfair to make Derek stay in a circumstance he wasn’t told beforehand. And Victor’s fam might not necessarily be physically violent, but Derek nor Benji know that. Derek could not only be extremely uncomfortable, possibly triggered, but also might feel in danger. Benji SHOULD understand that and tell Victor they can talk it out later and head out. He just won’t leave bc he is also lowkey crushing on Victor tho.

- shitshitshit they kissing and they saw it. Omg thank fucking god the grandpa didn’t make a scene.

- no omg don’t ask for a word for it?? Is not a big deal jesus fuck. Omg fuck this a “family party” nah just leave.

- yes omg confront them. Hell fucking yeah.

- i love the mom confronting them over her shit too but sjdjdjdj do they know there’s other people in this house💀💀 his girlfriend AND crush and crush’s bf are all there i would die

- not dad pretending like he’s standing up for his fam when he was talking about “is a family party” 3 mins ago. Nah son u blacklisted unfil further notice.

-i really thought Pilar was gonna fuck up and i was about to scream

- aaaaah that’s why shit they do is similar to me. They are colombiannnnn. Made me wonder bc the bendicion thing is something we venezuelans do but never heard cubans, mexicans, or any mainstream latinx family do before. Makes sense, venezuelans and colombians have a lot in common (more than other latinx cultures)

- where the fuck did the kids go to lmao. After all these speeches i would have lowkeu gone too💀💀

-Benji bitch im sorry too I can’t imagine being out into the position he was put on. Even if Victor stood up for him. Benji also most be so confused about Victor bc they def have had moments.

-omg the direct eye contact with the candles these kids are BOLD

- y’all Mia and Victor would have made a power couple if he hadn’t met Benji and salivated for him sjdjdjdj. Once they figure their shit out they are gonna be fucking power friends dude.

- I WAS SO HAPPY THE DAD APOLOGIZED BUT I FUCKING K N E W HE WAS GONNA MAKE A COMMENT ABOUT “at least this fam not gay” BECAUSE THAT’S EXACTLY HOW MY LATINX MOM WAS BEFORE I CAME OUT WHEN MY BEST FRIEND CAME OUT. SHE WAS FINE WITH IT AND FINE WITH US HAVING SLEEPOVERS AND ALL BC I “wasn’t” ANDJDJD U CAN DO IT VICTOR THEY’LL UNDERSTAND IF THEY AIN’T VIOLENTLY HOMOPHOBIC U GOT ONE FOOT INSIDE THE DOOR MAKE THE STEP BUDDY

[hayesit]

matt’s 2019 year in review

here it is! and it’s late because i had other/better things to do (and procrastinating), was recovering from hangovers (also procrastinating), and recovering from being sick (procrastinating).

i’ve been doing these year in review posts since 2016, so here is my fourth installment. every year i look back through my google calendar, my camera roll, and my bullet journal as a gratitude exercise and to chart my own development as an adult. 

here is my spotify wrapped 2019!

the beginning of this year was off to a good start: i met two friends that i know through the internet! i met my friend riley when she visited boston (i met her through a mutual friend and through overwatch league twitter) and my friend jimmy that i’ve known for…. 6 or 7 years (?!) through tumblr and designed the logo for me and alex’s late podcast, hardly tea, may she rest in peace. 

i moved dorm rooms in between the fall and spring semester, and once again i was not happy with where i lived. i lived with 4 rando’s that i was placed with and the 5 of us barely even talked with each other. my direct roommate i saw for only two weeks, and for the nights he slept over in the bed (that he was paying room and board for) and had the worst snoring humanly possible that not even earplugs could kill (video below). i hardly slept while he was there and roamed the halls of riverview suites like a ghost due to the anxiety i felt about my lack of sleep (we love a vicious circle)! he disappeared after those two weeks without notice and i lived in fear of him returning for the rest of the semester (which he didn’t), but returned to my normal sleep schedule. 

that semester was my first semester of full-time grad school. i got a poor grade on an assignment that had a note from the professor that said she knew i could do better and it hit me how much different grad school is from undergrad and how much more effort and dedication it requires. after crying in my professor’s office, my work ethic has improved since then, but it’s not anywhere near where i’d like it to be (more on that later). 

now to more positive things for the spring semester: i met some friends that semester both ~on and offline~ that made the semester far more bearable AND i did however truly pop off in every last one of my powerpoint presentations for class. i looooove making powerpoints and just fuckin telling jokes about my research topic and have ppl tell me that they are looking forward to my presentation & that i should teach college classes :)!

me and 4 friends had a social group in which we’d drink and play board games and forget about the board game and drunkenly talk shit called cabam after all our first initials! i always looked forward to that and dug the group chemistry a lot.

during this semester i grew a   “ beard “, otherwise known as i chose not to shave just to  “ see what would happen “ (praythatitfilledin). sorry about that!

the overwatch league was something that i had to look forward to watch every week and i had my experience enhanced through sideshow and avast’s unofficial companion streams, which guaranteed lots of laughs. i have bought tickets to two boston home games in 2020 which i am very excited about! analysts have predicted boston to be in 20th place this year (there are 20 teams) but i’m still excited for the 2020 season anyway!!

i can’t have a year-in-review of 2019 without mentioning game of thrones. due to the show’s final season being undeniably weak, i enjoyed the camaraderie with the other people that watched thrones during those six weeks. i haven’t thought about the show or its universe for quite a while, unfortunately. i truly was quite into the world of westeros, but the weakness of the end of the story cheapened the journey of each of the characters, in a way. such a shame.

while i got my diploma in december 2018, i walked across the stage of umass lowell’s tsongas arena with my bachelor of arts in psychology (and minor in theatre arts). it wasn’t as emotional or triumphant of an experience and just felt weird, considering i had already gotten my diploma and was going to remain in the clutches of rowdy the riverhawk as i am staying for my masters degree in applied behavior analysis/autism studies. i brought a ceramic monkey to graduation. it didn’t have any symbolism, but i just wanted to see if they’d stop me (which they didn’t)

 this summer was better than most summers of mine go, i hung out with alex nearly every weekend, got my very first iphone, and got a data plan. the combination of these three things got me back into playing pokemon go, an unexpectedly fun pastime! went on lots of walks!

my favorite day of summer was going to a lake with alex and our friend gianna, who i grew closer to after meeting her during macbeth last year. fond 2019 memories with gianna include: doing simulation patients with her, watching movies with her and alex, and the halloween party. what a great gd person and a great gd friend! big fan and eternally rooting for her. 

fire emblem: three houses came out on the switch in august and is, without a doubt, my game of the year. there’s truly so much to love about the game: the world, the characters, new changes made to the series, things that were gone but returned, interesting micromanaging, and best of all, how huge my brain feels when playing it. 

i got a 6-week summer job as a paraprofessional at an extended-school-year program for children with developmental disabilities at a preschool in haverhill which taught me a lot of lessons, such as: i hate cleaning shit off of children.

then i had feelings that didn’t make much sense for about a month! whoops!

my full-time job i currently have is working at my old high school as a behavior specialist. i provide consultation and work on programs to lead to more appropriate behavior in students, primarily ones with developmental disabilities. so far it’s been fairly rewarding, some days are more challenging than others, some days are a lot of sitting in meetings, and some days are a lot of running around. some days there is not much to do at all, which has its obvious upsides and downsides. working at the high school isn’t something that i want to do forever, but it’s a good place to start with. i’m definitely learning a lot and there are a lot of benefits to working here. sometimes i can work on my grad school work (which is all online until the 2020 summer semester) which is definitely huge. and my commute is either a 15 minute walk or 3 minutes if my mom drives me! 

a ~complex~ thing about working in my hometown is that it makes the most financial sense to live at home because it’s so close to work. this is my first time living at home full-time since high school and i’m not enjoying that part too much. most weekends i visit alex in lowell, but being stuck at home with no car (going to retake the license test in the spring when the ice melts!) and having to go to bed so early definitely hurts. sure, i have what is likely the lowest amount of expenses i’ll ever have in my life (no car-related payments, no rent, no groceries), but i feel landlocked. i feel like a teenager with minimal freedom, which is in part because my mom doesn’t quite understand yet that i’m a 22 year-old that should have a lot more freedom than i do now. the most i really do on weekdays after work gets out (2:30p) is go to savers with my mom if it’s tuesday (senior citizen day), maybe go for a walk if it’s nice out (which for most of the school year, it isn’t), or be on the computer watching bon appetit videos and playing overwatch, fire emblem, or pokemon, eat a bland dinner at 6, go to bed at around 9:30. sad! truly not a situation that i want to be trapped in that much that much longer!

i think the best and most important part of this year was becoming closer with alex. as i mentioned before, we see each other most weekends, to our great benefit. our living situations have flip-flopped, with me living at home and alex living in an apartment near campus, which in both similar and different ways have taken their respective tolls on us. having each other while going through changes and stagnations in our lives has been immeasurably important. thank you alex for providing a place to be myself other than my own head. thank you for being my best friend. 

now i come to the thing that i’m most excited about for 2020. not 2 suck my own horn but i have cobbled together a fuckin dream team of five friends (me, alex, chris, kelly, and molly). the two times we have all gotten together it has been so satisfying in such a wonderful and otherworldly way that i am filled to the brim of happiness being around them. the craziest thing is that i met chris and kelly through twitter! TWITTER. and they’re real-ass people and my real-ass friends! i haven’t been so pleased with something in my life like this for so long and it feels so good to have adult friends that i have chosen rather than friends by circumstance. it’s truly a crime that we can’t see each other more often, but we already have a day picked out for the next time we all do something together. feeling emotional writing this paragraph bc i love me gd friends so much!

there is a lot of uncertainty about this new year for me. i sure as fuck don’t want to live at home more than i have to but don’t know where to go, my practicum class starts for me this summer which means i’ll most likely have to change jobs (fine by me, but will be exhausting), i recently began my search for therapists and hope to find one soon to help me ~unpack things~, my thesis begins in the fall semester and i don’t know what to do for it, and i’m not 100% dead-set on working in special education. it’s been hard transitioning from living on campus and going to school full-time to the life i have now. 

[firebirdsdaughter]

Ryusoulger Raw post #1…

… Will there be a #2? Who knows! Not me!

But I’m rather tired and I got really excited, so here ya go.

Spoilers abound.

In no order, and I apologise for any nonsense that may ensue:

We just go straight into the opening again. How they decide that? Flip a coin?

Recap the previous … Yay, Touwa’s not dead. I’m so shocked. XD

I’m kidding. But I don’t know why we needed Melto to tell us that.

Banba’s doing his arm folding thing again. Oh my god he’s pretty. DX

Kou smile!

Naohisa is back! And I still think I’m spelling that wrong…

Come to think of it… Who the hell did he take that stuff to? Where was he? Are he and the Elder in cahoots?

Actually, that’s… Not impossible.

Already know that it turns out they need a sample to make the antidote, so I presume that’s what he’s telling them.

Oh. Oh, yeah, pretty sure I was right. He looks gorgeous, but Banba is very much in pain right now. I mean, from his point of view, he just got told he destroyed the only way to save his brother. That’s gotta hurt. And he’s probably already blaming himself for letting this happen in the first place…

Ah! My little green gremlin son! DX

I already want to hug Banba, but now I really want to hug him. He looks so upset… All these kids have their own brand of puppy dog eyes, I think.

Poor Kou has spent roughly half of this two parter rushing after Banba whenever Black runs out the door abruptly. XD

Is… Is mushroom crayon man starting his own YouTube channel?

Gods, I really love mook suit actors in Sentai. Can always count on them for comic relief and just going all out in getting dramatically beat up.

Big Brother Mode –– ACTIVATED.

And now, in which, were it not for outside circumstance, Crayon would be dead.

The fact that Kou was like ‘likelihood I find Banba trying to kill something indicates I should transform even before I find him’ is hilarious to me.

I love the fact that Asuna and Ui spend the entire time sitting up and Banba spends it standing. Like, what, we couldn’t let these three lie down, too? I mean, I guess Touwa was the one who was bitten, but… Did no one really think to get Banba a chair?

Then again, would he have sat in it?

HOW DID KOU OPEN THE DOOR?

Banba is glaring like ‘if I wasn’t in literal agony right now and actually dying, I would so be killing all of you for this humiliation.’ Boy does not like having to be carried. XD

Shocked Kou is really cute and I want to pinch his cheeks. ^^

Banba might be dying of poison, but he still has to be grumpy. It’s his brand.

I hate the ‘poisoned’ Toku makeup, but even it cannot stop Tatsuya from being amazingly beautiful. XD

Hmm… Well, Melto just said something that made Banba think of something. Not sure what though.

Smiley Kou! ^^

Congrats, Melto! You have now been promoted to being directly addressed!

Banba, I’m sure you have something important to say, but… Do you have to almost threateningly lurch over here to say it?

Why are y’all goofing off like this all of a sudden?

Crayon, don’t break the fourth wall, you disturb me.

Okay, given context, what I think Melto says is that Banba told him where he found the Minusaur before.

Context bc the two of them immediately run there.

Crayon says something about ‘otoutou’ but I don’t know if that meant what I thought it meant?

Dude, I know you’re goo, but… Seriously? Don’t put your hand in an untrained animal’s mouth.

You go, boys! ^^

Aaaaand… Melto’s down!

Actually, though, out of all of them, Melto’s the one being most crazy whilst dying of poison… Like he got back up and was fighting untransformed. Yes, Kou let himself get bitten, but let’s give Melto some credit, too.

I really think Banba would have been more inclined to wait and give them more of a chance if it weren’t for Touwa. But Touwa is the most important person to him in the world, and, coupled w/ his other trust issues, he’s scared to rely on, essentially, strangers for this.

But, more importantly, where was he keeping the sword??? In his sleeve?

Same place Akashi kept Zuuban, I suppose.

Yeah, this is a perfect storm of Banba is afraid to trust or have faith in anyone else and the fact that the person he would absolutely sacrifice everything for is at risk.

I really want to know what Banba and Touwa say in this scene… Like, I think I get what Asuna says, she’s saying that she has faith in Kou and Melto, and they should, too, but… I dunno. Maybe it’s nothing. Maybe it’s Maybel––wait, no.

But, like… Banba seems like he’s having some sort of dramatic reaction to what Touwa is saying? And whether that’s just floating drama bc they’re all dying of poison and he’s desperate to save his brother or whatnot, or if there’s something big here… I wanna know! DX

Pretty sure he’s saying if they all die there’d be no one to stop the Druidon. But I still think that he’d be more willing (even if only incremently so) to wait it out if it were just him and/or some combination of the others. Touwa being in danger (and him probably blaming himself for part of it) is likely throwing him even more off balance.

So, we all know from the magazine that Banba doesn’t trust anyone but Touwa bc he was betrayed before, and I definitely think this is setting up the path to that being revealed? If that makes sense? Hopefully they do it steadily/don’t wait too long.

Tatsuya still rocking the awful poison makeup like a boss. XD

I feel like you can see the switch flip when Asuna brings up believing/trusting the other two (at least, I presume that’s what she’s saying?). Like, by the end of her speech, Banba almost looks like he’s having war flashbacks or something? Esp when Touwa weighs in… I dunno how to describe it. Maybe after I’ve rested.

Oh, baby… He’s so upset and scared and in pain. Like, no, don’t stab the nice animal lady, but I do get you’re not rational rn…

That took tremendous effort. Like, he’s having to force himself to rely/something sort of like trust others. (I don’t think we can quite call it trust yet)

But he definitely looks like he’s having some sort of trauma reaction to the concept of ‘trust.’

Aaaaaand… Kou is down!

Aaaaaand… Kou has a dumb plan.

Throwing the sword was not necessary. You could have forced it to bite the sword.

WHY. WHY KEBABS. WHAT. WHAT IS EVEN HAPPENING.

Also, nice save, Tyramigo!

Yes, yes, I see the Gold foreshadowing. But how deep does it go?

Melto’s like ‘I was afraid of you before, but not in that outfit, and not while I’m dying of poison.’

But also, WHY.

Banba can’t do anything w/out looking majestic. It’s in his contract. He’s the Knight of Majesty for a reason. XD

I feel like the other four are giving a speech, and then Banba’s just like ‘I’m only here bc I am thoroughly pissed off!’

I love MirNeedle and his honking noise.

He spin!

Double sword attack, while Banba and Asuna each get their own thing.

Also, only Touwa’s gets a cool name. XD

Touwa gets payback. ^^

Ui’s so perky. God love you, sweetie. Acting like you weren’t dying two minutes ago, too. <3

WHEN DID THEY GET IN THE AIR???

I feel like the sword is about to eat me…

For a balloon thing, that was pretty tame, actually.

Banba says something, and then Touwa, I think, something like, ‘don’t you mean ‘thank you’?’ and then Banba gets awkward and it’s SO CUTE! DX

Smiley Kou again!

Kou is like ‘we’re friends!’ and Banba is like ‘oh no, he’s adorable’ but then immediately switches back to ‘I’m sorry, you must be a level 4 friend to unlock my tragic backstory.’

Like, he literally stares at him for moment, like… I dunno. I’ll have to think more about what I think that moment means. He looks kinda… Shocked?

Then he, like, has to recollect himself to brush him off.

Did he just say that all in one breath?

Touwa’s shrug there tells me he either doesn’t know anything about the betrayal, or doesn’t know how badly it effected his brother. My guess is the former.

Love how the trio are already getting fond of Banba’s standoffishness.

They’re teasing her, but I can’t figure out about what…

Oh, I’m sorry, mr Elder whose wig doesn’t match? Are my sons not included in your cryptic prophesying? Well fine then. I’ll do it myself. XP

And believe me, they don’t want me doing that, so you’d better include my boys in whatever it is.

Well, the sisters are def suspicious, way frillier than I thought they’d be, and there seems to be a mind control plot? Wonder how the brothers are going to react to the apparent situation?

Sigh. Watching Sentai live is so painful. Now I have to wait until next week. DX

That’s all, folks! Digital chocolate torte for anyone who read all that.

Really tired, don’t have much else to say. Even more curious about Banba’s backstory. Pettily annoyed that whatever dramaticness the Elder was musing on at the end apparently doesn’t include my sons. (Petty, I know, but they’re Ryusoulgers, too, shouldn’t they be part of whatever yours prophesying? XP).

So, anyway. Curious about what these sisters are up to next week. Seems like their voices control people, or maybe I’m misinterpreting. Still loving this series.

Very tired.

[omorainbow]

wassup everyone, here’s my absolutely garbage r/fa omorashi headcanons that nobody asked for or wanted (under the cut)

ze/n

he has nearly supernatural healing abilities so i feel like he’d also have super efficient kidneys

honestly probably has the smallest bladder capacity in the rf/a lmao rip

(he canonically was shocked that se/ven and yo/osung hadn’t gone to the bathroom for three hours while watching a tv show.... honey, do you think that’s a long time?!)

wetting himself onstage would be his worst nightmare; he’s probably leaked up there a few times but never actually wet

the second worst thing that could happen to him would be wetting in front of j/umin- i think ju/min wouldn’t do much except either a. make a few snarky remarks about wetting yourself being unusual for an adult or b. actually attempt (with a 100 percent chance of failing, seeing as it’s jumi/n) to be ....considerate.... about it, depending on how upset z/en seemed, but either way ze/n would get mad. there’d be some tension in the r/fa chatroom for a while lol

despite his machismo he’d actually probably be a huge baby about wetting himself lmao. he needs a lot of comfort afterwards (specifically from you)

absolutely 0% into omo imo, he’d try it for m/c’s sake if she were into it tho

yoosun/g:

tends to overestimate his holding capacity... would definitely put off going to the toilet if he was gaming (or when he sits down to study) 

at the same time, he gets very whiny if circumstances (rather than his own choice) force him into holding. expect this boy to come whining in the r/fa chatroom if he’s ever stuck somewhere without a bathroom

if he drinks coffee it’s over for him

(pass out after drinking caffeine syndrome? more like piss yourself after drinking caffeine syndrome-)

has definitely had close calls during exams from overloading on coffee before, but he never learns

if he wets himself in front of anyone, he’d be as embarrassed as you’d expect and probably cry a bit (though he’d try to suppress it because he feels he’s already made himself look childish enough), but with some gentle comfort he’d get over it surprisingly quickly (expect him to get indignant if/when sev/en teases him later tho lol)

probably the worst thing that could happen to him is wetting in front of v (while wetting in class is a close second). this would be a disaster for everyone involved.

(v: it’s alright y/oosung, please let me help you)

(yoosu/ng (in tears): SHUT UP I DON’T NEED PITY FROM THE LIKES OF YOU)

(v: you’re right. i’m sorry. this is all my fault-)

definitely into holding for m/c (for reasons that are probably obvious to anyone who played his route lmao)

ja/ehee (my love)

jum/in probably doesn’t realize how often normal humans need bathroom breaks so after years of working for him she’s probably in the habit of holding for long periods of time

honestly tho, if she’s passed out from being overworked, she’s DEFINITELY wet herself from it

i imagine she’d get up and go when she absolutely had to, but if something came up on her way there she might not make it rip

also a coffee lover... doesn’t really pace herself with caffeine, make of that what you will

if she wet herself at work, she’d just die. her coworkers already don’t  respect her, and her job is hard enough... jum/in would probably allow her to go home but also would complain in the chatroom about it

ju/min: “It’s very difficult to work without Assistant K/ang here. She had to leave due to an accident.”

m/c: “oh no, an accident? is jae/hee okay?”

jumi/n: “I am sure she will be fine. Wetting oneself does not usually pose a risk to one’s health.”

ze/n: immediately fights ju/min

as there’s nothing to be done for it, she’d downplay how upset she was and probably find wetting more of an inconvenience than anything. that being said she’d deeply appreciate it if m/c gave her some comfort

omo is probably a deeply hidden guilty pleasure for her, she’d only try it if m/c suggested it but i feel she might really enjoy it in specific circumstances

jum/in

very strong bladder capacity

would show no signs of being desperate except maybe a few tells like idk, occasionally fidgeting? the only people who’d pick up on these are people who know him very well (meaning like... v and m/c lol)

if he did wet himself, i think he’d show absolutely no emotion. once again, only someone who knew him very well would be able to tell he was actually upset

for most people, comforting him would be pretty difficult and probably a nightmare for both parties lmao

i think he’d be more accepting of it from you tho

it’s hard to write for him, bc i feel like situations in which he’d be desperate are rare

that being said, if he gets drunk enough (which is rare, seeing how his tolerance has built over the years) he might get to the point where he stops caring and just starts peeing. of course he’ll realize halfway through that this may not be a great idea, but it’s usually too late at that point lmao

he’s definitely into omo lol

seve/n

high bladder capacity

that being said, also fucking terrible at self care (... they all are tbh but se/ven is the worst about it) and if he was working, he may not notice he needs to piss until he’s on the verge of wetting and he just doubles over at his desk like. swearing and wondering how tf he didn’t notice he had to go before

definitely has been too busy to get up for a bathroom break, usually would just piss in a bottle/can of phd pepper (i’m sure he’s got empty ones lying around his workstation)

if he didn’t he’d probably just piss himself right there as he continued to work and miserably resolve to clean it later

(vande/rwood, conveniently choosing this moment to drop by: damn, bitch, you live like this?)

seeing as he’s sleep deprived as hell, whenever he gets to sleep he probably sleeps like the dead, nothing able to wake him up... what i’m saying is he’s definitely had dreams where he was using the bathroom and woken up in the middle of wetting the bed

also probably into omo lbr. though he usually hates wetting, he likes doing it for m/c. he’s probably wet his maid uniform for fun

v (oh boy)

probably gets a nervous bladder

the least likely of the guys to just whip it out and go if he needed to

you know how everyone loves those characters who are too concerned about bothering others to mention they have to pee? that’s 100% v. you could keep asking him as he got progressively more antsy and he’d just keep insisting he was fine and that you shouldn’t worry. he might casually mention that he may possibly need a restroom, but isn’t super assertive or clear about it, so most people wouldn’t think it was a big deal (even though he’s dying on the inside)

he does get somewhat fidgety, adjusting his clothes and bouncing his leg, but it wouldn’t be obvious what the cause was; you’d just mistake it for nervousness. only people who know him well (such as jum/in or seve/n) would be able to figure it out

i honestly can’t decide what his number one worst scenario would be, but i think anything in public would be nearly traumatic for him. if he wet himself in front of the other r/fa members he’d just get real quiet and say he’s fine and that he’ll clean it himself, but in reality he’d be deeply upset

this makes comforting him all the more difficult, even when you’re trying to tell him it’s okay he’d probably just keep apologizing and telling you not to worry about him

probably not really into omo but would try it for m/c