#i added it to someone else's post first but got suddenly anxious of if it was ok so i'm making my own

[originalaccountname]

I may be making stuff up. But. I'm just saying.

[writingforstraykids]

Addicted to you Chp.20

Pairing: Minchan (mention of OT8)

Word Count: 5443

Summary: Back in public Minho tries to build up the courage to open up about what really happened without revealing too much. His friends support him every step of the way, hearing some things for the first time as well. Chan has to decide how open he really wants to be and walks the fine line of supporting his boyfriend and keeping their relationship a secret. Especially after Minho's first performance doesn't go as planned.

Warnings/Tags: angst, fluff, panic attack, mention of throwing up, dizziness, anxious!min, protective!chan

A/N: Looking back at this series, this is by far one of my most cherished chapters. Not only has the group learned to stick together when one of them isn't exactly stable, but also Chan and Minho finally pull at the same string. I love how the growth in both of them has been visible for you guys and I do hope this chapter proves it once more. We're almost at the end, which makes me a little nostaglic because chapter one was one of my first posts back in October (we haven't missed a week🤭). I hope you enjoy it, I'll see you next week for the last one (sobbing)🖤

Chp.19| Chp. 21

All I know is you saved me and you know it Saved me and you know it Always thought I was hard to love ' Til you made it seem so easy Easy ~ Camila Cabello

During dinner, Chan's hand kept slipping beneath the table, resting on Minho's thigh or grabbing his hand. Now that he knew, he wondered how he hadn't realized Felix and Changbin were acting the same way he and Minho had been. The secret glances, hands brushing against each other in passing, the soft smiles they shared when no one was watching. Jisung suddenly got everyone's attention. "As we all know, we have two couples amongst our group," he announced, quiet enough only for them to hear. "The funniest part about it is Chan and Changbin thinking they've been discreet, whilst Minho and Felix knew damn well the opposite is the case." 

Seungmin blinked at Chan. "You thought what? You've been drooling over Minho since we debuted." 

"Don't even start," their leader sighed heavily and hung his head, not noticing Minho's surprised glance. 

“As you all know, the rest of us have our own thing going on,” Jisung added.

"See? No reason to panic about telling the kids," Minho told Chan kindly and patted his back. "We're all grownups here." 

"Are we, though?" Felix giggled. 

"Now that we all know, no one has to sneak around the house anymore to be with one another," Seungmin concluded Jisung's announcement. 

"Amen," Felix agreed. 

"Fuck me. The house is gonna turn into a mess," Chan sighed and buried his face in his hands. 

"You think you're the only one allowed to have fun?" Jeongin asked sassily. He received a warning glare from his leader. “Also, what makes you think it wasn’t a mess before you knew?”

"I could use a drink," Minho announced cheerfully and waved over a waiter. "Anyone else? I'm paying." 

Chan chuckled softly and agreed. He could use one himself. Once everyone seemed to busy themselves with side conversations, Chan leaned a little closer to Minho. "You're so pretty, it's unreal," he whispered in his ear. Minho blushed softly. 

"Stop it," he chuckled. 

"I mean it. I've never seen someone as beautiful as you," he confessed and watched him bite his lower lip. Right, praises were something he had a thing for. "My beautiful kitten." 

Minho gasped softly, his pupils widening at the pet name. "Channie, stop," he whispered lovingly. "Not here." 

"Why not?" he asked, smirking softly. 

“You know damn well why not,” he rolled his eyes fondly.

-

Minho stared at his plate, pushing its contents from left to right for the thousandth time. He was feeling incredibly sick because he was so nervous about their press conference in a few hours. 

"Minho hyung? Aren't you hungry?" Jisung asked gently. Minho snapped out of his thoughts. 

He realized all of them were staring at him and smiled weakly, pushing his plate away. "I'm too anxious right now," he admitted as he reached for his water. But as he brought it closer to his lips, his grip around his glass got tighter as he noticed his hand trembling. 

"Can we do anything to help?" Felix spoke up next to him softly. 

"I don't think so," he shook his head and chewed on his lower lip. "I guess now that it's time, I'm scared there'll be consequences for you guys. It’s not exactly a great way to kick off promotions." 

"Whatever it is, we'll stand behind you, Min," Chan assured him. 

Minho met his eyes across the table and smiled weakly. "Are you saying this as my boyfriend or the leader of this group?" 

"Minho," Chan said softly.

"You should put the group first today, Chan. We both know that," he told him kindly. Chan lowered his gaze at the table for a moment. "I'm not afraid of the consequences because I know if I keep going like this, it'll end much worse for me,” he told them and rubbed his face tiredly. “I just don’t want you all to suffer from the news.” 

"They either get all eight of us or none of us," Changbin spoke up. 

"I'm sick of people trying to separate us," Hyunjin agreed. 

"We have your back, Minho hyung. There's nothing they can do about that," Seungmin agreed. 

"Fuck them all," Jeongin concluded with a grin. 

"Even if we didn’t worry about the consequences, Chan doesn't function without you..as we all saw repeatedly," Jisung commented dryly. 

“Thanks, Hannie,” Chan gently rolled his eyes.

Minho chuckled softly at all of them and rolled his eyes playfully. "When you put it that way, what's there to worry about." 

Felix smiled and looked at him. "Can we give you a hug?" 

"Fine," he sighed softly, secretly longing for nothing else than some physical comfort right now. He got up, and all of them gathered around him in a big group hug. Minho smiled softly and buried his face in Chan's chest as the warmth of his members finally gave him some comfort. "I love you guys," he told them after a moment. "I'm sorry for all that shit I'm putting you through currently." 

"Stop it, Minho hyung. We all have rough moments being in this industry," Changbin comforted him. 

"That's why there are seven others who have our back at all times," Hyunjin agreed. 

Once they reached their destination and had to enter the room where they'd be interviewed, Minho felt nauseous all over again. The staff would possibly kill him, or maybe he'd just get in serious trouble. Their names were announced, and they all left his side one by one, taking their places. Minho's stomach turned once more as he saw his place. Changbin, Hyunjin, Chan, Seungmin, and Jeongin were sitting on higher chairs in the back in that order. Felix was in the front row on the left, Jisung on the right, and the place in their midst was empty. They weren’t joking when they said they'd always be around him, protecting him. Minho's stage name was announced and he gave himself a mental push before walking out on stage, putting on a perfectly convincing, practiced smile. He sat down and nervously adjusted his suit jacket. 

They started out easy with some general questions about their next comeback, upcoming concerts, and already published songs. Minho didn't have to talk much and was able to fool around with the boys a little. He carefully adjusted his glasses as an interviewer called his name. 

"You've been on a break recently after collapsing on stage. Our readers are wondering what you think about said event and how you plan to continue?" she asked, looking at him expectantly. 

"As my team has already explained, I was injured and overworked at the event in question, which is why I collapsed and-," Minho stopped in his tracks, realizing this was the moment. He shouldn't just answer with the scripted version of what the staff had written up for him in case of such a question. He cleared his throat and straightened up. "Actually, I would like to make my own statement if you allow me to." 

"Please go on," she encouraged him. 

"About two months before this performance, my mental health was starting to get worse. I had trouble taking care of and trusting in myself. It got better whenever I was around my members. At some point, I defined myself through my performance only. When I got injured, I had to take a step back, which made this much harder for me. I got into a massive fight with one of the most important people in my life, which really took a toll on me," Minho said and saw some staff members in the back looking at each other nervously. "I had trouble eating, I didn't get enough sleep, and I practiced too much and too long. Because of that, my injury got worse, and I let it happen, thinking the pain I felt was the punishment I deserved for not being able to perform. I was awful to be around, and I didn’t treat the ones I call my family well, pushing them away when all they wanted was to help. I didn't have the resources to be there for them because I barely had any left for myself, which I'm very sorry for," he continued as pictures were taken of him, and he knew there were live recordings as well. 

No going back now. 

"I didn't collapse because I was injured or tired. My mental health and body couldn't keep up with what I was doing anymore. I've spent two days unconscious at the hospital, which is what made my members decide I needed to take a break. I don't regret collapsing because I wouldn't have stopped this harmful behavior otherwise and-," he stopped as his voice started shaking and swallowed hard, trying to collect himself. Suddenly, Felix took his hand and smiled at him encouragingly while Jisung rested his hand on his knee. Chan followed his heart and wrapped his arms around him from behind, ensuring he knew they were there. Minho inhaled softly and rested his hand on Chan's arm, steadying himself. "I know I’ll make myself vulnerable by saying this, but I think it's important we start normalizing that your beloved idols are humans, too. This is why I want to announce that after everything that happened, I’ve decided to see a therapist. I'm not ashamed of it, and if I want to keep being part of this family and doing my best for our fans, I need to take care of myself better," he concluded and exhaled softly.

"We want to announce that we stand behind Minho and fully support his decision. We ask our fans to show our Minho how much he means to us all and how much he is worth. Please be patient with us during this process," Chan spoke up behind him, noticing how much Minho was shaking, glancing at the staff. "Thank you so much for being here. This will be all for today." 

They all got up, making sure to surround Minho as they left the stage. Minho felt dizzy and flinched a little as suddenly two of their press advisors approached them, saying his name. They seemed ready to call him out for his shit. Chan wrapped his arm around him protectively and told them to back off, not caring that reporters were still taking pictures. Finally, they made it backstage. Chan stepped in front of him, removing his microphone for him. "Give me a moment," he mumbled as his stomach protested, quickly pushing through them and making his way to the bathroom. He ripped the door open to one of the stalls and crouched down, throwing up. All the anxiety and nervousness got to him, combined with the realization that, for the first time, he did the opposite of what he had been advised to do. Once his stomach had calmed down, Minho carefully pushed himself up and sniffled softly, trying to swallow a panic attack threatening to creep in. He pushed the door open and slowly stepped outside, flinching heavily as he saw his friends standing at the sink, all watching him worriedly. "I can't even throw up in peace?" he joked tiredly and made his way over to a sink, shakily turning on the water. He rinsed his mouth and washed his hands, thanking Hyunjin quietly, who gave him some paper towels. 

"Do you feel better after telling the truth?" Seungmin asked. 

"I'm glad it's not a secret anymore," he told them, leaning against the sink. "But besides that, no. I'm a minute away from a full-blown panic attack," he admitted, knowing there was no use hiding it. He leaned forward, bracing himself on his knees and inhaling shakily. "They'll kill me, won't they?" 

Jisung was the first one to react and stepped in front of him. "Deep breaths, Minho hyung. You'll be okay." He hugged him as he stood up straight again and soothingly rubbed his back. The others let them, knowing Jisung often found comfort in Minho when he was panicking, so it fit for him to try and return the favor. Jeongin grabbed a few paper towels, made them wet, and wrung them out before carefully placing them on the back of Minho's neck. Felix stepped next to them and gently ran his hand through his hair as Jisung guided Minho in his breathing. 

Once he had calmed down, Chan took over, pulling him into a tight hug and planting a soft kiss on his forehead. "I'm so proud of you. That was very brave." 

"I don't feel very brave right now," he gave back, making his friends chuckle. He barely noticed Changbin removing the paper towels from his neck and leaning his forehead against Chan's. "Let's go back to the hotel, please?" 

“We could stay in for the night and order takeout,” Jeongin proposed. “We’ll just meet up in one room and order there.” 

Minho smiled thankfully and nodded. “That would be nice.” 

-

"May we ask what sent you down the spiral of mental issues?" their interviewer spoke up, clearly talking to Minho. They were currently at a radio station, giving an interview about their upcoming album. Of course, the press conference from yesterday would be a topic; Minho had expected nothing less.

Minho shifted in his seat and thought for a moment. He was aware of the camera moving a little closer on him as they’d also film and upload the whole session. "As I've said, the hate, the injury, lack of sleep, and slowly stop eating altogether have all played their part in this process. It’s been weeks of feeling like shit, and I’m glad I got through the worst of it by now." 

“Many of our listeners thought it was very brave of you to open up like that since we usually don’t see this happening,” she told him with a kind smile. “That must’ve been scary.”

“It was. It still is,” he chuckled, and Jisung flashed him a gentle smile across the table. He knew how it was.

“Nevertheless, most people out there are very grateful you did that. How does that make you feel?” she asked curiously. 

“It’s a relief to hear that people can relate to my situation and don’t look down on me because of it. Also, if me opening up about my struggles helps someone, I don’t get why it is an issue to do so,” he said.

“I think a lot of people out there can relate to the feeling of trying to function when you actually feel like giving up,” Felix added.

“We’ve all been there before,” Seungmin agreed. “Maybe not as heavily, but we’ve all certainly had our struggles in the industry.”

“I think what made it so difficult was seeing Minho hyung go through it,” Hyunjin said gently. “Usually, we come to him with these issues, so no one really knew how to help.”

“Which didn’t stop them from trying, though,” Minho said reassuringly, smiling at him. “I just haven’t been so easy to deal with.”

“How has this situation been for you as a leader?” she asked, turning to Chan, sitting beside Minho quietly. 

“Oh, he struggled the most with it,” Changbin answered for him, and they all chuckled. “Minho’s always been his partner in leading the team with him.”

“That was certainly missed, yeah,” Chan laughed, winking at Minho. "I realized how much I rely on him in certain areas and I know I should've stepped up more." 

"What about that fight you mentioned? Was it with one of the members or someone else?" she asked Minho.

"That was me," Chan spoke up before Minho could answer. "I've been very difficult to deal with, and Minho didn't give up on me, which made things grow tense. I've accused him of complete bullshit to save myself and been very harsh towards him, which didn’t help him deal with his own issues." 

"But, we’ve all talked it out and are doing better than ever," Minho added with a nervous smile. 

"I hope you don’t mind me asking, but what do you mean you were difficult to deal with?" she asked. Everyone grew quiet for a moment, tension slowly rising at the question. She glanced at them, apologetically. “You don’t have to answer that if you don’t want to.”

“No, it’s okay,” he assured her with a warm smile and exchanged a look with Minho, who looked back at him questioningly. “I’m just trying to figure out how to start.”

“You don’t have to go in depth,” Minho assured him gently.

Chan inhaled softly before grabbing his hand beneath the table. He knew it could be seen on camera, but he couldn’t care less now. "I've been depressed, shutting everyone out for two weeks. I let some things get to me, and Minho was the only one I let near me. I didn't explain exactly how I was feeling, but he was there to hold me when I couldn't go on anymore and broke down crying repeatedly," Chan said, and everyone grew quiet. Their friends looked at Minho and Chan worriedly, hearing for the first time how much Minho actually dealt with. Minho swallowed hard. He could tell by the sound of his voice alone that Chan was having a hard time talking about it. "I've been dragging him down with me and my issues. After our fight, we both dealt with it differently. But none of us were feeling well. I’d never say I was doing as bad as him those past few weeks. Nevertheless-," his voice broke, and the grip on his hand grew tighter. 

"Chan," Minho said gently, turning a little and seeing the tears in his boyfriend's eyes.

Chan stopped for a moment, gathering himself as he found peace in Minho's soft coffee eyes. "Nevertheless, Minho saved my life even though he couldn’t stand being in a room with me at that time. And I'll be forever grateful for that. I gave up on everyone, including myself. A few weeks before Minho’s incident, I accidentally sent my goodbye message to Minho after spontaneously deciding to leave the group. I didn’t feel like I could lead them anymore and thought they’d do better without me. I knew they had Min, who would do his best to carry them through it," he said, his voice shaking as a tear ran down his cheeks. Minho blinked softly as tears brimmed his own eyes and swallowed hard, knowing he had to be strong for them in this moment. Chan wiped away the tears and exhaled shakily. "He climbed up to my balcony, even though he’s deathly scared of heights, to stop me, thinking I was talking about something else, and I-," he trailed off before holding Minho's hand up. "So yes, for everyone asking why I called him love when he collapsed or gifted him this ring, it's because I really, really love him, and I want him to know that."

Minho smiled at him and squeezed his hand. He hadn’t expected him to be that open. 

“Gosh, it sounds like you two have been through a lot lately,” she said with a compassionate smile. “Feel free to step away for a bit if you need a moment,” she told them, seeing how hard Chan was fighting back tears.

Chan exchanged a look with Minho, debating if they should take her up on that. Minho got up, still holding his hand. “Come on, Channie hyung,” he said gently, placing his headset on the table.

Minho pulled him close as soon as they were outside, his heart breaking a little at how tightly Chan clung to him, hiding his face in his shirt. “You did great, Channie love. I’m so proud of you,” he told him quietly.

“You’re right, this is scary,” he said quietly. 

“I got you,” he promised with a gentle smile, fondling his hair. “I love you so much. Thank you for having my back in there,” he whispered.

Chan pulled back and smiled as Minho wiped his cheeks for him. “I love you too, baby,” he told him quietly. He held up his pinky finger for him. “You and me against the world?”

Minho’s face softened as he returned the gesture, linking them together. “Always…Let’s go back in?”

“May I get a kiss first?” he asked.

Minho glanced around quickly before nodding. He connected their lips to a short but loving kiss and gently patted his back. “Alright, come on.”

-

The others watched them leave before turning back to their interviewer. “That is quite some story,” she said. 

“Yeah, it’s been a lot going on the past few weeks,” Jisung agreed. 

“I suppose that hasn’t been easy for you all either?” 

“We’ve had our ups and downs,” Felix told her. “Those two have formed a very deep bond over the past few years, so we all knew they could do this once they started to get along again.” 

“A very deep bond? Do you mean like very good friends? Or are the rumors true, and there’s more?”

“You could call them our parents by now. These two are so in sync it’s annoying,” Jeongin lightened the mood as they came back inside and sat down. 

“As charming as always,” Chan commented dryly.

“We’ve been blessed with a few chaotic kids. It’s only natural that we had to step up and lead them,” Minho winked at Jeongin, who stuck out his tongue at him. “See?” he asked, making everyone laugh. 

"Your friends have been telling me about that deep bond you share. Our listeners would love to know if the rumors are true?" she asked and Minho looked at Chan. 

Chan looked almost a little anxious as he met his eyes, swallowing hard at the pure love and adoration in his boyfriend's doe eyes. Minho smiled gently, taking Chan's hand and squeezing it. "Chan means a lot to me, which is why fighting with him had taken such a toll on me. We're a team and we work best when we're together," Minho said, keeping his eyes on Chan. "I love him, that sums it up well." 

"Platonic love or-?" she asked curiously. 

Minho could tell Chan wasn't quite ready to open up that much today and simply smiled, still not looking away from him. "No comment." 

Chan chuckled, finger brushing over his ring delicately. He turned toward their interviewer, taking a deep breath. "As I said, I love him too. That's all I have for you right now."

Felix and Changbin grinned as they watched them, Jisung exchanged a fond glance with Hyunjin and Jeongin winked at Seungmin. They all knew damn well how very obvious those statements have been without saying much or admitting anything. At the end of the day, their hyungs knew how to dance along the fine line. 

"Well…I wish you the best of luck then to keep what you have right now," she said with a knowing smile. 

A few weeks later

Minho adjusted his newest stage outfit and sighed after cracking his neck. He was tired and already longed to be wrapped up in Chan's arms and back in bed. He had gotten through most of his performances for the day already and was about to perform for the last time. "Can I borrow that one for a moment?" he asked Felix, who was walking past him with a fan. 

"You can keep it," Felix told him, and Minho nodded thankfully. 

He closed his eyes as the cool air hit his face and took a few deep breaths. His head was hurting a little from all the noise, so he made his way outside their dressing room, leaning against the wall. 

Only a few seconds later, the door opened again. "Are you okay?" Chan asked caringly. 

Minho nodded and flashed him a small smile. "I'm okay. It's too loud in there," he told him. 

"Understandable," he nodded agreeingly and rolled his eyes fondly. "But seriously, are you sure you’re feeling?" 

"Yeah," he nodded. 

"Your knee's alright?" he asked. 

"It has been for a while now, yes," he told him amused. 

"You're not feeling dizzy or anything?" Chan made sure, and Minho shook his head. 

"I'm overwhelmed, that's all. Today there have been a lot of bright lights and loud noises. I'm getting a bit of a headache, but I'll get through the last performance and relax later," he assured him. 

Chan stepped in front of him and gently massaged the back of his neck before going up to his temples. Minho moaned softly at the relieving touch and closed his eyes. "I'm proud of you, baby. You've worked hard today." 

"Thank you," he smiled shyly and opened his eyes again. "I missed being on stage like this."

"I know you did," he nodded and kissed his forehead. "Have I told you how much your new hair color suits you yet?" he asked, brushing back Minho's currently dark purplish hair. 

"Only a million times," he winked at him. "I like it too, no worries," he giggled. 

"So pretty." Chan gave him a short kiss. "Can I walk you to the stage?" 

"Sure," he smiled sweetly and laughed as their friends all came outside. 

"We wouldn't want to miss your last performance," Jisung smiled. 

"You guys are so sweet," Minho told them and took Chan's hand. "Alright, let's go." 

"Good luck," Chan told him right before he left, and Minho took his place on stage. 

He was feeling alright throughout the performance, hitting his notes beautifully and dancing smoothly as always. 

"Gosh, he sounds so good," Jisung beamed excitedly as Minho hit a high note.

"Is he okay, though?" Felix frowned softly. 

"Right? It looked like he stumbled a bit," Jeongin nodded nervously. 

"He's shaking," Seungmin added. 

"Please shut up," Chan said anxiously, seeing all of it himself. His eyes haven’t left Minho the entire performance. 

Minho knew the song was coming to an end and felt relieved, knowing he'd soon be back home. He stepped forward at the end and panted heavily, finally feeling how exhausted his body actually was. He squinted his eyes as the audience began to blur in front of him, and felt dizziness taking over his body. Not again. Minho pulled his earpiece out as a high-pitched tone rang through his ear and clutched his chest, pained. Fuck. He nervously glanced to the stage exit, debating if he should risk staying where he was or getting off stage before another debacle. 

"What the fuck is he doing?" Changbin asked worriedly. 

"He doesn't look good," Hyunjin agreed. They all glanced at Chan, who was anxiously chewing on his lower lip. The moment Minho sank down to his knees, head hanging low as he tried to hide his pain, Jisung, Felix, and Changbin held Chan back. 

"Hey, let me go! He needs help!" he protested. 

"Chan hyung, you can't storm on stage now, okay?" Seungmin told him. 

"There's staff already out there to help him," Jeongin pointed out as someone brought him water. 

"I told them it would be too much for him," Chan said weakly. 

"We know, he knows as well," Felix said calmingly. 

"Fuck it, I'm getting him off stage," Chan groaned and pushed them off before making his way on stage. 

"Fucks sake, Chan," Felix groaned. 

Minho looked up at him, surprised as Chan was suddenly kneeling down next to him and cupping his face. "Relax," he whispered, noticing the anxiety in Chan's eyes. "We're on stage, angel." 

"You got dizzy?" he asked gently, and Minho nodded. 

"It was a little too much," he told him tiredly. "My body hurt and gave up on me for a minute." 

"You think you can get up?" he asked, and Minho nodded bravely, letting Chan help him up. Chan wrapped his arm around him tightly and led him off the stage. As soon as they were backstage, Chan snapped at one of their staff members. "I told you it would be too much!" 

"Chan," Minho cut him off sharply, and everyone looked at him worriedly. "I said I would be fine. I overestimated myself, and my body showed me that I was not ready for this yet. It's fine, let it be." 

"You wouldn't have done it if they hadn't suggested it. You're trying to satisfy them again," he told him. 

Minho tiredly rubbed his hurting head and looked at the staff members. "Can you get the car, please? I need a break." They nodded at him and quickly called their car. 

"Wrong place, wrong time, Chan hyung," Jisung told him gently, letting Minho brace himself on his shoulder. "Come on, let's sit down somewhere until the car's here." Seungmin came to help and wrapped his arm around his waist, steadying him. 

Felix gently rested his hand on Chan's arm. "He needs his boyfriend now, not our leader," he told him softly, and Chan glanced at him nervously. 

"I just want him to be okay again," he confessed weakly. 

"We know," Changbin told him kindly. 

"You can still talk about schedules later. Right now, he needs a hug and you telling him he did amazing today," Hyunjin told him. 

"Go on," Jeongin gave him a gentle push. 

Chan groaned softly but did as they said and walked over to them. He crouched in front of Minho, and his heart fluttered at his boyfriend's tired smile. "Sorry, I lost my temper back there."

"You were worried, it’s alright," he told him kindly, not noticing Seungmin and Jisung leaving them alone. Minho gently reached out for him and fondled his hair. "I promise you, I'm okay. Just very tired." 

"I'm sorry I got scared for a second," he confessed and sat on the sofa next to him. Minho turned slightly and pressed his forehead against Chan's. Their hands found each other, and Minho squeezed it gently. 

"I'm here, I’m still conscious," he promised. 

Chan pulled him into his lap and hugged him close as Minho sank against him with a soft sigh. "You were amazing today. I'm really proud of you," he told him. 

"Thanks, Channie hyung," he smiled sweetly and closed his eyes. "I'm so tired," he said softly. 

"You can sleep. I'll take care of everything else," he assured him. Minho didn't need a second invitation. 

Chan carried him to the car later, protecting his head as he leaned down to sit him inside. He sat down next to him, letting him sleep on his shoulder. He carried him inside once they reached home. At home, he laid him down on his bed and filled the bathtub with warm water to soothe his hurting body. He got him undressed and into the tub, bracing him as he very gently washed his hair and body. Minho was only half awake throughout the process, but appreciated the gesture nonetheless. 

Chan got him dressed again before carrying him downstairs and sitting on the sofa with him on his lap. Felix handed him a plate with some food, and Chan started feeding Minho slowly. Minho was barely able to keep his eyes open but made sure to eat a little, knowing he needed the energy. He grew heavy against him and fell asleep as soon as Chan started running his hand through his hair. 

The others all made sure to eat quietly and only talked with their voices lowered to give him some rest. Later, they put on a movie and gathered on the sofa around them, knowing if Minho woke up, he'd feel better seeing them continuing their day as always. He woke up later with a massive headache and winced softly as he moved on top of him. 

Chan looked down worriedly. "What's wrong?" 

"Headache," he groaned, melting into him as Chan massaged his scalp and temples. Felix came over with a glass of water and a pain pill for him, which he took, thankfully. It didn't take long for him to fall asleep again, curling up in Chan's arms. 

Chan kept on lovingly massaging his head for a while and smiled softly as Minho grew calm again. The others all slowly went to bed until it was just Chan, Jisung, and Minho left. 

"You need help carrying him upstairs?" Jisung offered quietly. Chan glanced down at Minho sleeping peacefully on his chest. 

"I think we'll just stay on the sofa for the night," he shook his head. "I don't want to wake him up again." 

"Alright," he nodded and gently patted Chan's shoulder. "Sleep well, Chan hyung." 

"You too, Hannie," he smiled and watched him leave. Chan got comfortable on the sofa and pulled Minho down with him, who stirred in his sleep. "It's fine, keep sleeping," he told him quietly, fondling his hair. Minho cuddled into him, and soon Chan fell asleep right after. 

Chp.19| Chp. 21

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[linskywords]

It's super nice of you to lock your fics to make readers less anxious. It's also really nice of you to keep updating works unlocked for readers without accounts. I know that I got an ao3 account because one of the wolfverse fics were archive locked and another fic I was reading was suddenly locked while it was still being updated. I also think that locking fics won't stop them from breaching containment. Hockey RPF has already had a user copy locked fics and then swapping them to another fandom as unlocked fics. It really is as easy as that. Lots of people have ao3 accounts and people outside of the fandom can still come into ours and blast our fics all over social media if they wanted to. In fact someone did copy down the top ships on ao3 for Hockey RPF and posted it in the nhl subreddit. Coleydoesthings made a youtube video on top fandoms which included Hockey RPF and SidGeno was one of the top ships and contains one of the most kudos'ed Sports RPF fics. It's already out there on youtube. It's really easy to get an ao3 account. I'm not saying to revert back to unlocking your fics (you can do whatever you want); if I ever publish any fics they'll probably be archive locked. I just think that maintaining the fourth wall is an impossible task and nothing on the internet is private. This isn't meant to scare anyone, but I think we need to realize that we don't have the control over fandom that we think/wish we did, and that we'll be okay. We may have to adapt, and I have no idea what that would be, but archive locking isn't going to be our saving grace. (If only it were that easy)

Second ask:

Adding to previous ask about archive locking because I just remembered something my cousin told me. She has TikTok, and while she is not in hrpf (yet...she wants to read some now that I've talked a bunch about hockey players), she gets tiktoks of people shipping Willy and Mitch using clips of them from games where one is bent over and the other bumps into the other's butt. So while it's not fanfiction the real person shipping is also already on tiktok. And I mean, hockey players do this stuff all the time, so it will likely blow over without brining fanfiction into it. But it's still on tiktok, and that probably is completely separate from hrpf, but it could definitely get tied to it (or attract tiktokers to fanfic and it's really up in the air if they bring fanfics onto tiktok and whether their internet/rpf ethics are anything like hrpf writers). Like, I don't know the future of fanfic privacy. The best we can do is keep it on ao3/tumblr and hope that people don't try to show it to the players (or try to make it go viral on reddit/tiktok).

Hm, there's a lot going on here. I agree with you that online fandom is inherently not private and also that that's okay! There does seem to be a nervousness about the future here that I don't share, though. You mention that HRPF might go viral, or players might find it, and I can see how those things feel unsettling. But the first seems vanishingly unlikely in any meaningful or harmful way, and as for the second, I'm sure most players already know it exists and want nothing to do with it. I think there are two main possibilities for the future of HRPF:

It will stay relatively obscure and the small numbers of people who it appeals to will continue to find it.

It will become slightly more popular and slightly larger numbers of people will start to find it.

There just...isn't a lot of danger here. Either of those outcomes seems fine. The phantom third outcome, where it goes viral in a way that brings a ton of new readers, doesn't seem super likely. It's still only going to appeal to the people it appeals to, and anyone else isn't going to pay attention for very long. But even if we did get a ton of new readers, what's the downside?

I think maybe the underlying fear is that we're doing something forbidden and if we're noticed we'll have to stop. But that's not the case. AO3 exists specifically to remove the danger that content will suddenly be removed when it's found objectionable. So if people find it and get mad, that's about all they can do: get mad. (And leave us some nasty comments, maybe. But now AO3 has a block function!)

It might feel unnerving that people outside of the fandom are talking about it or echoing shipping sentiments, but "the fandom" has never been a self-contained, well-defined space. It's always been open to whoever wanted to find it. To bastardize a Taylor Swift lyric: we're not on our own, kids, and we never have been. So if we get some more fans, great! If we keep about the same amount of fans, also great! If we get smaller for some reason, that's fine, too! Those of us who want to can keep on creating and enjoying the content that speaks to us, and there isn't a lot that can get in the way of that.

[krikeymate]

What about the rave party scene? It felt like Mindy Chad and Anika were Sam-fluenced and were on Tara watch? Like all of them were looking out for her, what was that awesomeness about?

There's a post here by a friend talking about this very thing, that I've added my thoughts into the tags of.

I'm very much of the opinion that since they got to New York*, Tara has been on a downward spiral. I feel like being in Woodsboro, she was probably very anxious and struggling (which is when Sam got used to hovering and being so overprotective and there for her), but when they left she realised that nobody knew who she was and what she went through and she committed to pretending to be someone else. I think she would throw herself into anything that would help her forget what she went through - drinking, partying, and possibly even some (minor) drug use.

So, suddenly Tara's personality and coping has flipped. She starts to argue with Sam (who is acting as a trigger reminding her of her trauma), but this whole situation is only making Sam worry more. She can see Tara isn't coping, is ignoring her trauma, but when she tries to help it's suddenly no longer wanted or accepted (she's trying to push the trauma away). The others try, but they get pushed away too. But if you push everyone away, who is left to protect you from bad situations? No one, as Sam knows all too well. So Sam tells the twins to lay off, let her deal with Tara's denial and her anger, let her be 'the bad guy' (it's a role she's used to), so that Tara can still have her friends to rely on and trust. All she asks is they keep an eye on her and try to keep her out of trouble when Sam can't be there herself.

The first 6 months after 5, in Woodsboro, are a 'honeymoon' period of their relationship. Tara needed Sam, and Sam all too readily took up the role of caregiver for her. But then the 6 months prior to 6, Tara's realising she can be someone else in this city of strangers, she doesn't have to be a victim. So if she's not a victim, if she's just a normal person, she can't have a caregiver, an overprotective hovering sister. But Sam's already fallen into that role and she doesn't want to leave it, especially when she knows Tara isn't dealing with what happened - she was struggling in Woodsboro and now she isn't even trying to get better, she's just pushing it down. All the while, Tara know what she's doing isn't healthy but maybe if she fakes it till she makes it it will become true, maybe she can brute-force her way through the trauma, and she loves her sister so so much but she just keeps pushing her and she's getting in the way of her normal persona, so she snaps at her.

*'Like 6 months ago', so around April 2022 - I'm ignoring the 5 is 2022/6 is 2023 dates that 6 tried to push, it fucks up the ages, 5 is Sep 21 and 6 is Oct 22 and that can be pried from my cold dead hands.

[marjaystuff]

Guest Review: The Unwedding by Ally Condie

Grand Central Publishing

June 4th, 2024

The Unwedding by Ally Condie is her first attempt at adult fiction after being a successful young adult novelist.  There are themes of grief, loss, family, trust, and healing. The plot is a locked mystery since the characters are “locked” into a hotel.

“.  I always come from the character initially. This is where stories start for me, having an idea of a person doing something in a situation. When writing adult books, I can write themes and issues not as relevant to younger people. But sometimes it was from a different perspective. This was not my first mystery.  I had previously written a juvenile mystery that was nominated for the Edgar Awards, titled Summerlost.”

The setting is a remote luxurious hotel in Big Sur, California.  Even though the main character, Ellery Wainwright, is surrounded by a cast of supporting characters she feels very much alone and lonely.  The characters are stuck, “locked,” at the hotel after a huge storm hits, closing off the guests from the rest of the world.  They are isolated with roads and bridges closed and no one able to rescue them for a few days. 

“Big Sur is gorgeous and beautiful. The weather does play havoc there just as in the story.  Mudslides have taken out roads, bridges, and people had to be helicopter out.  The murder I added, but people have been trapped there for several days. The hotel is based on a few hotels in Big Sur.  I have not stayed at them because they are so expensive but did eat dinner there.  There is one called Post Ranch Inn and another one Ventana Big Sur.” 

Ellery decided to be a guest at the Broken Point resort since she had the reservations.  She and her husband, Luke, were supposed to spend their twentieth wedding anniversary together until he tells her he wants a quick divorce since he already has a girlfriend. Unfortunately for her, after deciding to go swimming in the pool she discovers a dead body.  It seems also at the resort is a wedding party.  But the “un-wedding” is real since the dead body was that of the groom, dying under suspect circumstances.  After another guest dies soon after, also under mysterious circumstances, she teams up with two guests who befriend her, Ravi and Nina. They become amateur sleuths trying to find the killer before more guests drop dead.

There were many facets that went into this plot. “In 2019 after I got divorced, I went on a trip by myself. I was sad since I had not expected the divorce and did not want it. I went on a trip to center myself and get away from everything. On the trip I found I was so lonely. I was paying attention to everyone there. There was a wedding there.  I thought if there was a murder here, I would be the only person who could solve it. I am the only one paying attention to everyone else.  This is how I came up with the book idea. The rest of the week I plotted out the book and thought about a character in this situation. My experience was very different but some of the feelings between Ellery and myself are the same, particularly when the children are away. Suddenly I was missing out on a large chunk of their childhood. This feels painful. My ex-husband is not Luke.”

Readers see Ellery as relatable since she is suffering from heartbreak and a past trauma after witnessing the death of a bus accident victim. Her own life will never get the happily ever after. 

“She is, caring, anxious, an observer, and someone who connects the dots. She is very strong and has encountered a lot in her life, which comes to bear in the story.  For example, she was involved in an accident that made her who she is. She felt after it that her hard experience was behind her, and then she finds a dead body here at the hotel. But by the end of the book, she is happy to see there is joy that comes from unexpected places.  After her my favorite character is Ravi.  He is smart, sarcastic, and has a heart of gold.  He is very urbane.  He compliments her because he has some life experiences she does not have and vice versa.”

The setting was very interesting, creating a sense of foreboding.  There were twists to the plot and the main character’s emotional state will tug at readers’ heartstrings.

[plaid-shirtsandvibranium-arms]

Nemesis: Retribution (2)

Summary: 10 years after the Avengers had left you for dead during a mission gone wrong, you unexpectedly re-enter their lives. Wholly unrecognizable from the person they used to know and now with a new team behind you, they ask for your help to stop a chain of syndicates who were manufacturing and peddling the super soldier serum. You were determined to say no until the chance at the vengeance you had been chasing for years was added to the offer.

Fandoms: Avengers, Marvel, MCU, The Punisher, Daredevil

Pairings: Female Reader x (Frank Castle, Billy Russo, Matt Murdock, Steve Rogers, Bucky Barnes, Pietro Maximoff)

Warnings: MENTIONS OF SMUT FOR THIS CHAPTER. SHAMELESS SEXUAL BEHAVIOURS. (18+ ONLY), polyamorous relationships, reverse harem, blatant disregard for canon timelines and events, mentions of illnesses, momentary fluff, bit of angst care of Bucky, Punisher canon level of violence and gore, rejection, bullying, heartbreak, character death

A/N: I couldn’t resist not posting this early. Here you go. Next ones will probably take a while coz I have to be an actual adult for a bit. 

No permission is granted to repost, steal, or translate my work. Not even a credit makes it okay. Tumblr is the only place I post my writing. If you see it anywhere else please report it.

Series Masterlist | Full Masterlist

1:2 Dark Chocolate

A few days of rest was required to recover from a super soldier's punch. The doctors had said that you were lucky Steve hadn't punched you with full strength or else you would probably have a whole cracked rib cage. You were anxious to jump back in to training, not used to being idle for very long.

You were given some painkillers at the clinic and ordered to stay there for the rest of the afternoon for monitoring. When you woke up, it was early evening and a blonde super soldier was napping on a steel chair next to your bed. He jumped when you moved to sit up, his heightened senses alarmed and disoriented for a second before he quickly switched to repeatedly apologizing to you. You laughed out loud. It was just a little ridiculous to you to see such a commanding presence in the field so charmingly boyish and adorably embarrassed.

Steve was a comforting presence but to be honest you were hoping to see Bucky. You didn't get a chance to thank him since he left immediately after the doctors had ushered you into the examination room. Once you were cleared to return to training, you caught sight of his long brunette hair and the bright smile on your face couldn't be stopped. It was the glare he pinned you with that made you halt your approach.

He was back to his disapproval of your very existence.

You had to admit that it stung. You thought that you were getting somewhere with him after he helped you. At least somewhere outside of the realm of outward disdain. And maybe you were hoping just a little bit that it could lead down the road to him feeling the same about you.

The timing was perfect when you were assigned to your first official mission with the Avengers. It was a chance to prove your worth to the team and to Bucky in particular. A chance to maybe make him see you as more than just a troublesome recruit.

You came back from the mission with your head held high and absolutely glowing with confidence at the kudos from Sam and Natasha. The great Natasha Romanoff had complimented your sniping skills, picking off enemies in her area even before she could aim her own gun at them.

The first thing you wanted to do after getting back to the Compound was to tell Bucky. You wanted to brag a little bit and maybe even thank him for the mentoring. If he hadn’t been so hard on you then you wouldn’t have pushed yourself to be at this level. You were skipping down the halls of the Compound in search for him, clutching the bullet casing from your first official Avenger kill.

FRIDAY had informed you that he was in the training area and you were bouncing on your feet with excitement. As you entered though the place was empty, the rest of the agents having retired to the mess halls. You ventured further in, trusting FRIDAY’s intel until you heard some noises coming from the adjacent armory. You smiled, he must be cleaning his guns again.

As you got closer, the noise began to get louder until you could make out what was undeniably pleasured moaning, one low and gravelly while the other more high pitched. You should have turned away, if only for the privacy of the couple who was wrapped up in their passion, but your curiosity pushed you to come closer and peak through the small crack in the door.

The brief image that you saw made you instantly draw back, a shaking hand pressed to your mouth to silence the shocked gasp. You backed away slowly, your mind struggling to process what you had just seen, then your flight response kicked in and you ran like hell out of there. The scene was burning a hole in your brain and caused your skin to grow cold. Sergeant Barnes rutting hard against a woman wrapped around his waist, his glinting eyes locked with yours, and a cocky sneer on his face.

You didn’t go to dinner that night or to the team celebration for a successful first mission. You chose instead to lay in your bunk with tears burning in your eyes and trying to erase the memory of your discovery. Of course he was already dating someone. A man of his caliber was sure to have a line-up of gorgeous eager women at his disposal. He probably had no interest in boring recruits like yourself. The woman he was throwing into bliss must be some supermodel or high ranking spy. How did you even end up deluding yourself that you could possibly catch his eye?

The rest of your roommates filtered in after a few hours, chatting away noisily about the party. Anna had come to sit on the edge of your bed and ran a comforting hand along your arm, concern clearly etched on her face.

“I’m fine. Just tired. The mission really wore me out,” you muttered with a small smile. You weren't ready to talk about it yet.

“Personally I think I had better success today than all of you,” Kim’s shrill voice cut through the good natured conversations in the room.

She wasn’t part of the group taken on the mission, claiming beforehand that she was ill. A chorus of curious why’s rang out through the group and she preened at once again being the center of attention.

“Well I just had the fuck of a lifetime from none other than Sergeant James Barnes.”

The room of women burst into chaos; squeals of disbelief, rapid fire questions on how big he was and how good of a lay was he, were they dating now or was this a fuck buddy situation. Of course Kim was more than happy to entertain each question.

You tuned all of it out, the noise turning into an annoying ringing in your ear. You turned around to face the wall as the silent tears that refused to be contained any longer fell to wet your pillow. You barely registered Anna squeezing your shoulder or the words that Kim threw your way.

“Sorry, Y/N. I guess I was just more Bucky’s type.”

You curled yourself into a tighter ball as the pain in your chest radiated across your whole body. You had assumed wrong about Bucky. It seemed that he wasn’t opposed to dating new recruits.

He was just opposed to you.

The taunting from Kim continued on and you just couldn't take it any longer. You brushed the tears away, grabbed your sweater, and marched yourself to the door. You needed to get some air. You needed to get away. Anywhere but there. You wrenched open the door and almost came crashing straight toward a solid chest. Your eyes travelled up to lock with the kind blue gaze of Captain America. You wondered why Steve was standing at the doors of your bunkers holding a pack of beer in his hand.

"Good evening, ladies," he said to the room of now suddenly speechless females. "I'm just going to borrow Y/N for a bit."

The crowd remained in shocked silence while you stared at him in confusion as he smiled sweetly down at you. He had gone looking for you when he didn't see you at the celebration after Natasha and Sam had sang your praises to him at your performance. He wanted to congratulate you and bring you a drink for a job well done.

"Come on. I know a good spot," he said, placing a hand on your back and guiding you out.

Steve brought you to the top of an observatory in the Compound. It was quiet, peaceful, and offered a great view. He cracked open a bottle for you and the conversation just flowed naturally. He kept making you laugh until your sides hurt with stories about his time as a performer in the military and all the unfortunate videos that came with it. You were crying with pure joy when he relented and re-enacted his buy military bonds act, your earlier darkened mood forgotten for the moment.

Steve felt like he did something right when your glassy eyes and defeated expression was replaced with clear amusement. Even if it was at his expense. He wouldn't ask what the reason was, but he felt happy he made you feel better.

"Thank you, Steve," you muttered before you parted ways. Somehow both of you understood that it was more than just for the drink.

You promised yourself then that you would give yourself tonight to weep over your unfortunate romantic feelings. Only for tonight. Come morning you would focus all your energy on what you actually came here to do; become an Avenger. You slept fitfully that night, the shell casing from your first mission still gripped in your hand.

You made a conscious effort after that day to limit your interactions with Bucky and Kim to polite clipped conversations. At first Bucky had been surprised at your change in attitude, your blank expression and sparse words causing a momentary guilt to flash in his eyes. You had chosen instead to spend more time with Steve and the twins, your mood obviously brighter around them.

You were sitting now in a large conference room for a briefing on the next mission with a handful of other recruits when Sam Wilson sent you out to fetch the rest of the Avengers who were running late and not responding.

"Can you get them for me, sweetheart?" he chuckled, knowing that you blushed uncontrollably each time he used a nickname on you.

FRIDAY had directed you to the private common room exclusive for their use. You were about to knock on the door when you heard your name in the middle of what sounded like a heated argument. Against your better judgement, you leaned in closer.

"I don't think Y/N's cut out to be part of this team."

Your heart dropped. The conviction in Bucky's voice was clear. It was one thing for your infatuation with him to be forcefully thrown back at your face, but for him to explicitly state to a set of people that you held at such high esteem that you were not good enough was a whole other vicious heartbreak.

Lily was wrong. This time you should have known when to quit.

You forced yourself to crack the door wider and step inside, clearing your throat to announce your presence. You didn't see the startled look on their faces or the guilty one that followed when they realized that you had heard. One look at your sad glistening eyes that refused to look up confirmed it. Natasha and Steve both threw Bucky a deadly glare.

"Sam wants you all at a briefing. I was sent to come get you."

Your voice was so small and unsteady, none of the easy happiness and optimistic determination that it usually carried. Bucky felt the shame burn through him, the guilt drowning him in an instant. You weren't supposed to hear that. He took a step towards you, instinct driving him to do anything to wipe that defeated look off your face, but a threatening look from the twins pinned him in place.

"We'll walk back with you, little star," Pietro said softly, appearing beside you and wrapping an arm around your shoulder. Wanda came on the other side, looping your arm with hers.

For the rest of the briefing, you strained with the effort of focusing on Sam while blatantly ignoring Bucky. You knew he was staring a hole at the back of your head, but you couldn't allow yourself to give him any satisfaction by looking back. You were soon assigned your tasks, you being placed on sniper duty again having performed well the last time.

It was supposed to be a run of the mill mission for intel and taking out a criminal base, but with the expectation of more hostiles so a slightly bigger team was necessary. You practically flew out of the room when you were dismissed, not giving anyone a chance to talk to you. A decision was solid in your mind now for when you got back.

This would be your last mission.

The ride on the jet to the location was spent with you cleaning your gear and checking your weapons. You were sliding a few knives in place when Bucky came in front of you holding out another set of knives for you to take.

"You know if you tilt the hilt to the left you can fit more in one holster," he said.

It was odd hearing him with almost warmth in his tone toward you. If it had happened yesterday, you probably would be celebrating this fact. You nodded at him, but didn't say a word.

"Remember to keep your head low and stay on your post. Okay, doll?"

You nodded wordlessly again. Because you made a point not to look at his face, you missed the way he was struggling to say more to you and the disheartened look when you obviously weren't going to answer him. You ignored him for the rest of the ride, choosing to focus on reviewing the intel.

As far as bad intel could go, this had to be the worst. You were perched up on a densely covered hill a good distance away from the base that the rest of the team were storming. You were picking off as many hostiles coming out of the base as quick as your hands would allow. Your fingers were starting to ache from the constant reloading, your eyes stung from the gunpowder, and your lip was already bleeding from biting down on it.

The noise in the comms was pure mayhem. Each team member trying to ask for help, for backup, for a plan. You had all come expecting a fight but not an army prepared to defend. You were certainly not expecting HYDRA.

"They have Bucky."

Three words spoken that sent a cold dread to wash over all of you. HYDRA couldn't be allowed to take Bucky. You abandoned your post without a second thought and sprinted down toward the base, pistols at the ready for anyone coming your way.

"Last location," you asked urgently as you slipped into the building shooting down two agents immediately.

"West wing. Near the last corridor," Steve grunted, clearly having a hard time on his end. "Y/N, do not engage!"

"I'm the closest one, Cap."

"I'm close too. Just a little busy," Natasha huffed. "I'll follow, Y/N. Steve, we need to get the hell out of here."

Steve had reluctantly agreed, seeing that there was no other choice. He quickly barked orders and commanded you to keep safe. You nodded although he couldn't see it as you wove through the corridors at full speed in search of your teammate. The moment you barged into that last room, your eyes found an unconscious Bucky immediately.

Seeing him in that chair horrified you; shirt ripped, bleeding in several areas, skin pale and cold with sweat, chest rising and falling far too rapidly, and eyes that were unresponsive. You were so distracted by the jarring image that you failed to notice the operatives across the room until the bullets were burning through your soft flesh.

You screamed from the pain, but raised your gun and fired back until you heard their bodies thud heavily on the floor. You clutched at your side, the amount of wet blood pouring out was alarming. You pushed your own welfare aside and hurriedly undid Bucky's restraints. It was a struggle to sit up a semi-conscious super soldier and when you took his weight on your shoulders, you collapsed to the floor at the intense pain in your arm. You hadn't realized that you had multiple shots there too.

You gritted your teeth and groaned at the effort of lifting you both up, your blood soaking through your gear as well as Bucky's. You huffed painfully with each step but you just had to get him out of there. You could have kissed Natasha square in the mouth when you saw her come barreling towards you.

"Jesus fucking Christ, Y/N!" she winced at your state before taking Bucky's other side. Apparently you looked as bad as you felt. "We gotta move fast. I hear more of them coming up this way. This path is clear."

Having Natasha's help in carrying Bucky alleviated some of the burden from you and made you all move faster, but the blood loss was already starting to make your vision blurry and the adrenaline was wearing off. Through the haze, you could also hear the rapidly approaching footsteps. Soon you would be basically useless and you knew there was no way Natasha could carry you both out while fighting off a hoard of enemies.

"Natasha," you said quietly, your steps faltering.

"No. Keep going goddamn it!" Natasha cried.

She knew what you were thinking. She had assessed the situation too and come to the same miserable conclusion. You smiled sadly at her angry eyes and shaking head as you let go of your hold on Bucky. Her eyes widened further as you limped toward the doors behind you and locked them tight before raising your guns to aim right at anyone who would come through them.

She didn't miss how your hands were shaking and your shot arm could barely hold up, the way you scowled deeper in pain with each movement, or how your uniform was soaked in your own blood and slowly forming a pool at your feet. Ghastly as you looked, you turned your head and tossed her another gentle smile. You were basically going to use yourself as a human shield for them and yet you were comforting her. You were reassuring her.

"Check on my sister for me, yeah?"

Natasha wanted to insist on another plan. Anything other than leave you behind to hold off the nearing enemy units. Shouting and gunfire from the other side of the door forced her to make a decision. She cursed sharply under her breath and dragged Bucky away with her, the regret heavy on her heart for having to leave you behind.

You stepped further back and supported your weak body against the wall after Natasha had thankfully left. The enemy was trying their hardest to barge through the door, ramming into it and shooting their guns at the locks. It wouldn't be long now before they manage to breach it.

You took a moment to spare a thought for your sister. A part of you was saddened to think of her grief after she finds out that you had done the most heroic thing anyone could ever do.

Sacrifice.

Another part of you was relieved knowing that she had Jill and she wouldn't be alone in that grief. When you decided this morning that this would be your last mission, you didn't necessarily expect it to be in this way.

"I'm sorry, Lily."

Natasha managed to get Bucky back to the jet where the rest of the team were all converging, still fighting off operatives chasing after them. There just didn't seem to be any end to them.

"I'm going back for Y/N!" she yelled to the team as she dropped Bucky on the floor of the jet. There was no time to be gentle, she had to hurry back to help you out.

"What do you mean? Where the hell is Y/N, Nat?" Steve shouted as he grabbed her arm.

"She stayed behind to hold off the ones chasing us so we could get out. I have to go back!"

"I will go. I can get her out," Pietro volunteered at once but he doubled over immediately from the extensive wounds on his torso.

Natasha was already sprinting back into the compound, not willing to waste another minute. She made it only a few feet before the entire facility exploded into a fiery inferno that quickly ravaged it and threw her farther back.

The entire team watched in horror as the explosions continued on several parts of the structure. The area was quickly getting engulfed by the flames and smoke. Steve had to force everyone onto the jet and bodily carry a shell shocked Natasha.

No one could have possibly survived that.

------------------------------

Natasha steadied her breath as she quietly landed on a perch high above in the rafters of a seedy warehouse. Wanda joined her seconds later, weaving her magic to better cloak them. The other twin was running a lap around the perimeter and would join them later.

She was assigned weird missions all the time. Missions that had very little to doubtful intel was common. This mission though was by far the strangest she's ever gotten. There was a very small list of vague things that were told to them; the time and location, not to intervene, to remain unseen until the target was ready, bring the target to the Compound.

She was slightly annoyed, but she complied anyway. She was curious too as the mission was given in secret to only the three of them. A million questions was speeding through her mind as she observed the activity below. It looked like a regular run of the mill drug den filled with busy workers and roving guards.

"How many, Wanda?" Natasha whispered.

"I sense more than 25 of them. All armed, but with much fear."

A gust of wind signaled the return of the other twin. He had a frown on his face and a concerned look in his eyes. "There is another one, but this one does not seem to be with them."

Natasha was starting to sincerely doubt this mission when a fast movement from the shadows caught her eye. By the way the twins perked up too, they surely had seen it. They followed the figure as it slipped through the darkness, almost losing track if they hadn't noticed that the guards were quickly dwindling in number. Natasha was growing worried, this was surely a highly skilled group of assassins. Pietro must have been mistaken. They were clean and efficient too.

All of a sudden a gunfight broke out below them. A figure completely clad in black, strolled casually out from the shadows with a pistol in each hand firing precisely at their targets. They confidently charged closer, unfazed as they greeted the gunfire. They continued to tear viciously through the crowd with a deadly mix of combat, bullets, and blades. 

The workers had drawn their weapons by now as well, but they were quickly killed off with barbaric aggression. It did not take long for the floor below to become a sea of blood and lifeless bodies. One person remained barely alive, hanging on to his middle to keep his internal organs from spilling out from the wide gash. The attacker came to him, nonchalantly stepping over decimated bodies. They couldn't hear what was exchanged from this distance, only the choked scream that followed as he was stabbed straight through the throat. His blood spurting out like a broken faucet.

Natasha had been in this profession for a while, but she has never seen this level of unrestrained violence.

One person.

One single person had cleared out a base of approximately 30 people. Natasha was growing more and more worried. Clearly this person was at the very least an enhanced and even with the twins with her, they were not prepared to face someone powered.

What kind of bloodthirsty lunatic does this?

"You can come down now."

All three of them froze in place. Looking down, the attacker was staring right at them with cloaked eyes. Reluctantly and very slowly, Wanda used her powers to float them down carefully keeping a good distance from this murderer.

From this close they could now see that they were in full military tactical gear in what was originally all matte black, but now had an explosion of dripping red. Combat boots, fitted cargo pants, a long sleeved shirt underneath a tight bulletproof vest, gloves, a loose hood over their head, and a cloth mask around the lower half of their face.

"Should have known something was up when my team mentioned seeing a really fast man."

The shivers that travelled through every expanse of skin on Natasha, was a reaction to that voice. It sounded strangely familiar yet unknown, but something in her mind was denying her from piecing it together. The moment the hood was dropped to reveal their eyes was when she spiraled into a complete icy shock. They were eyes that had haunted her for the past ten years. Haunted all of them. The only difference was that the eyes in her memories were smiling warmly.

The bloodied face mask was lowered to reveal a face they mourned, unmistakable and yet completely different. White raised scars branched out like weaving vines from the right side of the neck to just above the jaw and the ears. They were obviously old and healed but still raised and prominent, adding an even more dangerous edge to the menacing look on their face.

Your face.

"Hello, Natasha. Pietro. Wanda."

10 years after they had watched you tragically perish in a burning HYDRA facility, you stood before three of a group of people you had unknowingly tormented all these years.

The earpiece you wore crackled to life. "Blackbird to Hedwig. I have a visual. Should I shoot them?"

You smirked. There was no need for that. At least not right now.

"Hey, Blackbird. Tell Raven I'll be late for dinner. I have a reunion to get to."

------------------------------

A/N: Tell me which pairing or combination in this harem you’re most looking forward to. Smut or otherwise. I’m still rearranging scenes and working out smut. There is a long list of kinks. I need help.

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[melliflovs]

Beautiful Mess - Gojo x Reader

Word Count: 1,675

Warnings: Angst, longing, kinda sad

Summary: Reader comes to terms with her feelings after being faced with her emotions once she sees Gojo again for their monthly battle, even if it gets interrupted.

A/N: I didn't check this for errors cause my computers about to die but I wanted to post this for you guys!

Requests open!

In truth he found you incredible, but would he ever admit it? No. Of course not.

It was moments like this, the stars shining down on you and the wind blowing through your hair that made Gojo pause. He wished things could be different.

You could've been teaching alongside him, or anything else from the life you chose. He frowned to himself. Were you really happy?

At least twenty curses surrounded you. The dark purple aura slowly beginning to cover you from his view as you laughed in the distance. He just wanted a moment more to watch you before the inevitable battle before the two of you.

You knew he was there, close enough to see but too far away to touch. For now, you'd continue on as you were, playfully petting a curse on its head. It resembled a dog and chose to stay by your side, granted it looked and smelled horrendous but you'd take what you could get. They milled about you, waiting for their commands. They were all grade 3 curses, childs play for people like Gojo - people like you. But they weren't supposed to be strong, they were just to garner attention.

After the purple fog fully enveloped you Gojo knew it was time. You stood high on the tallest skyscraper, the clouds within reach.

You always thought Gojo was incredible. Irresistible looks, unbeatable strength, and a massive ego. Time spent with him was cherished, even if it meant small tricks and claims to get his attention but he never failed to deliver.

You heard his footsteps approach slowly, with your back turned the curses began to howl. A small smile tugged on the edges of your lips but you held it back. Slowly you turned to face him.

"Come with me." He said, Gojo had his hands in his pocket with a blindfold covering his eyes. You wondered if you'd ever be able to see them again.

"Traded out the glasses, huh?" You teased, "Do the students find it more intimidating." Sparks lit up your eyes as power began to surge through you.

Gojo smirked and flexed his muscles at you "I was always intimidating, just thought the blindfold added more flare."

He wished they'd stop sending him, the elders always too quick to call upon him once they knew you were involved. They started questioning why the job was never 'finished' they wanted you dead. You were the villain in this story, the creator of curses and sorrow. But how could someone so beautiful be so destructive? It didn't make sense to him.

The first time you'd met Gojo you were both 16. He was a student at the time, sent to a school to take down a low-level curse. It was a teaching method of his Sensei's to send his students alone on smaller tasks - one he ultimately ended up using himself. Instead, he found you surrounded in a purple haze curled into a ball.

You were so small at the time, anxious and afraid with tears streaming down your face. Gojo could feel the power inside you, radiating from your fragile body. It brought him to his knees in front of you. It was the first time you'd ever seen his eyes, hair hanging out in front of his face. He reached out to you, mesmerized by you.

He'd never encountered power like his before, different from his yet so similar in strength. Gojo was so distracted by you that he ignored the scattered limbs of what used to be your fellow classmates.

When he looked at you he was amazed, every single time. But you'd grown now, no longer the scared little girl who didn't know who or what you were. But you knew now. Years of hating yourself for what you were born as, what you'd accidentally do to people. Eventually, you embraced it.

In the years that you'd been actively on Gojo's radar, no one had narrowed down what you were. They knew you were human, a child abandoned and forced into foster care. From what he could tell your emotions were so strong that the smallest offense could make the curses in the surrounding 10 miles stronger and multiply them. You were no longer a grade 3 curse. You were special grade, a girl with explosive feelings that were considered to be on the same level as Sukuna.

You still didn't compare to Gojo though.

"Come with me, (y/n)" He repeated, his eyes desperate under the blindfold. He wondered if she could tell how much he wished she would listen to him.

She shook her head lightly, lowering her head to the ground. "You know I can't do that Satoru."

He nodded in response, he knew she was right. They'd execute her if she followed him back to the school. In a way (y/n) reminded him as Yuji, the elders were cowards whatever they couldn't understand they eliminated. Eventually, they'd meet the same unfortunate fate. Gojo wouldn't be able to protect either of them.

Gojo was shaken out of his thoughts by the sound of a single snap. Looking up he watched as all the curses surrounding her dive off the skyscraper and into the city set loose to wreak havoc. The dog-shaped curse stayed, wagging its crooked tailback and forth.

"Good," He teased, "Was starting to get a bit crowded up here."

The purple haze had almost completely disappeared from the rooftop once the curses left. You took a deep breath, "I'm not ready yet, Gojo. Ten minutes."

He jokingly checked his bare wrist as if looking at a watch "Fine" He pouted "But I'm counting."

You gave him a weak smile, walking over to the edge of the roof and sitting down, letting your legs hang over the edge. You'd be lying if you said looking down didn't make you feel sick, you were at least 100 stories above ground. But the lights were so pretty, the glow of all of them lit up the night, reflecting in your eyes. You felt his presence approach you, standing behind you as you sat.

"Why does it have to be this way?" You whispered, it was so quiet he might not have been able to hear you. It would've probably been for the best if he hadn't.

Hesitantly he placed his hand on your head, giving your hair a soft pat. He made you feel so little, so small in comparison. Just like the day you met. "Because life is unfair to powerful people."

You hummed at his response, "I wish things were different." You tilted your head up, looking at him through your lashes, hair falling in your face. "I wish we weren't such a mess."

"At least we're a beautiful mess." He said grinning down at you.

"I miss your eyes Gojo, why cover them like that all the time?" You asked, still staring at the dark blindfold. You could only imagine what shade of blue hid behind it.

"Decided not everyone should have the privilege to see these sparklers." The smile on his face grew as he said this, quirking his head to the side.

"Can I see them?" The more time you spent in his presence the calmer you felt. Gradually you felt the weight of your powers lift off your shoulder. A calm smile never had any trouble settling on your face whenever you were around him. It was hard to admit, even to yourself, but looking at his shining smile for the first time in months made you realize you'd missed him. "Please Gojo."

His grin faded into a soft smile. Nodding his head, Gojo reached up and began to untie the knot holding the blindfold.

"I think it's been ten minutes, Satoru. What do you think?" The voice made the two of you jump, Gojo's hands dropping away from the halfway untied covering. "Maybe you just got distracted with" He waved his hand around distastefully "This."

"Leave. Now." Gojo whispered, just low enough that the new man wouldn't be able to hear him. He seemed afraid, not of the man but of what would happen if any of his higher-ups found out about the two of you - whatever you were, even if you didn't know yourselves.

He stalked over the man, who was dressed impeccably in a white button-down. He held a wooden paddle tightly in his hand and pushed up his glasses as Gojo walked up to him.

"Look, Nanami, it's not what you think." He said holding up his hands defensively. Realistically he didn't know if his colleague would even believe any lie he could up of in time. Gojo tried to straighten himself out. Putting on his signature smirk, "You know how I get around the ladies. They just can't help themselves."

Nanami let out a sigh, looking at his friend with pity. "The way she looks at you... it's like she'd be willing to take a bullet for you." It wasn't normal the way you looked at Gojo. Like he was the sun and you were a flower stuck in the shade. "And I'm sure under that ridiculous blindfold you were looking at her like that too."

Gojo stayed quiet, the fake smirk dropping from his face. The silence hovered for a moment, making his chest fill with dread as Nanami thought it over in his head.

Suddenly he turned, beginning to walk towards the exit. "Come on, let's go."

"Are you going to tell anyone?" Gojo asked as he followed his coworker. He wrung his hands nervously together.

"No."

He let out a sigh of relief. A small smile began to tug at his lips, he was grateful to the blonde, not many people he knew would risk helping him like this. Subtly he looked over his shoulder.

Thankfully you were already gone, thankfully you were safe. At least for the time being. As he stepped towards the stairwell to make his way down the skyscraper, Gojo realized one thing:

You never got to see his eyes.

[moldisgoodforyou]

you didn’t kiss her back

wordcount: 2.5k

warnings: mentions of nsfw content, brooklyn :/

_____

In hindsight, he should have known. 

He should have known when Brooklyn texted him the group invite for dinner in a separate text thread, not the intern groupchat, but he was too busy with work that day to even question it. Just liked the message as his usual form of RSVP. 

He should have known when Brooklyn was ultra-polite to him at work that day, not adding any of her usual flirty comments or going out of her way to stroll by his desk. Instead, he was too caught up in work assignments and trying to figure out how late he could FaceTime Sophie that night without waking her up.

After the workday, Rafe was walking out to his car when Brooklyn jogged after him to catch up. “Hey, Rafe, wait up!” 

He grimaced but turned around - he’d learnt to just deal with her presence over time. “What?”

“Um, my car’s almost out of gas and I don’t think I’ll make it to the restaurant and be able to make it home. Would you be able to give me a ride?” She asked, almost shyly. 

Rafe calculated the drive time in his head. Eight minutes. “Uh...yeah. That’s fine.” He nodded shortly, then nodded his head in the direction of his car. 

Brooklyn gave him a grateful smile, matching his quick pace to the car. “How was work for you today?” 

“Fine.” Once he got in the car he dropped the act, just turning up the radio so they didn’t have to make more small talk. Just being near her made him feel on edge - the same way he often felt around his father. She reached out to touch his arm and he flinched away, making her giggle. “Someone’s tense.” 

“Can you not?” 

She rolled her eyes. “Touchy.” 

“I’m trying to be civil here.” He remarked. 

“Hm.” She let him sit in silence for a solid half minute, then spoke up again. “I saw Sophia posted some picture of her wearing a Cartier ring on her Instagram. Did you pay for that?” Brooklyn pushed, sounding almost nervous. 

Rafe shrugged. “So what if I did?” 

“You never bought me designer.” She glanced at her nails, trying to appear nonchalant. 

He snorted. “You can buy yourself designer things just fine. We both know that.” 

“Not the same.” She mumbled, then opened her mouth only to let out a sigh. “It’s just - never mind.”

He looked over with an annoyed glance, tapping his fingers on the wheel. “What.” 

“Surely your dad doesn’t approve?” 

Rafe tensed and she resisted a smile, knowing she had struck a nerve. Exactly what she wanted. “Since when have I cared about my dad’s approval?” 

He might have gotten away with that with someone else, but Brooklyn could read him well. Too well. She’d seen him deal with his dad’s disappointment only a few times, - Ward was always on his best behavior whenever she was around, the model of a perfect parent. 

Brooklyn laughed at that, shaking her head. “You’ve always cared about his approval, I find it hard to believe that’s changed in just a few months with some girl.” 

“Eight months.” He corrected, his jaw clenched tight. “And you know her name. Don’t be rude.” 

She rolled her eyes. “Whatever, Sophia or something. I just don’t get it.” 

“It’s Sophie. Still. And good thing there’s nothing you need to get about my relationship.” His knuckles were nearly white around the steering wheel as he pulled into the small parking lot, then glanced around with a frown. “Where’s the other interns? Shouldn’t they be here by now?” 

“Oh.” She raised her eyebrows, surprised. “I just sent the invite to you. You didn’t notice?” 

He hadn’t, of course, but he wasn’t about to let her know that. He parked the car and turned it off, looking over at her with a confused expression. “What?” 

“I didn’t send it in the group message, Rafe, I thought we could go out, um, with just us.” She gave him a small, earnest smile. “Like old times.” 

He grimaced, closing his eyes for a second and taking a breath. “Are you forgetting that you broke up with me?” 

“I mean - Rafe, come on. We worked well together. We could at least be friends.” Her tone took on a pleading edge and she leaned in a little closer, her arm nearly touching his on the center console. 

“You made me feel like shit, Brooklyn.” He told her flatly, frowning. The last thing he wanted to do that day was rehash a conversation with his ex that they’d already had at least three times since breaking up. (The first was more akin to a drunken screaming match that ended in tears for both of them, the second was just bitter insults hurled back and forth, and the third was as short as possible, on the campus quad in between classes.) 

“I just wanted to help you.” She murmured, then suddenly leaned over and kissed him quickly. He was so taken aback that it took him a second to spring back, eyes wide. “Brooklyn! What the hell!” 

She blushed, embarrassed as she started stammering. “I didn’t mean - I wasn’t thinking -” 

“Fuck.” He wiped his lips with the back of his hand and shuddered, looking disgusted. “Get out.” 

She sat there for a moment longer, not looking at him. Her voice grew impossibly small and she picked at her cuticles, radiating anxious energy. “I didn’t drive.” 

“I don’t care. Get an Uber or something, get the fuck out.” Rafe was practically fuming as he glared out his window, not wanting to acknowledge her. 

“I - Rafe, I want -”

“Out.” He insisted. 

She nodded quickly and scrambled out of the car, casting a wayward glance back after walking away. Once he was sure she was around the corner, Rafe slammed his fist on the steering wheel. He wasn’t sure what he wanted to do more - throw up or go scrub his body clean of any trace of her. Brooklyn’s floral perfume lingered in the car and he felt nauseous, unable to think of anything but Sophie and how she’d react once she found out. 

After he took a few moments to center himself, absolutely livid, he punched the ignition and peeled out of the parking lot, repeatedly swiping his hand over his lips in an attempt to get Brooklyn’s signature cake batter-flavored lip gloss off. (The summer after the breakup, Wheezie had started wearing a vanilla sugar perfume that smelled all too similar - Rafe had a headache for weeks.) He drove to a nearby park and sat out by the water to get away from the overwhelming perfume scent in his car, and his hand was nearly shaking as he hit the app to FaceTime Sophie, nervous as hell. 

She picked up right away, grinning once his face filled her screen. “Hi! It’s good to see you. I can’t talk long, I’m getting ready to go out, but what’s up?” 

“Um...” Rafe briefly debated bringing it up, anxiously pulling at a loose thread on his shorts. “Just checking in. How’s your day been?”

“Oh my god, so...” She launched into a ramble about a cool new project she was working on, and how she got to be with some of her new friends, and how she aced her Spanish test. He listened, a little impatient, as guilt ate at him.

“Soph -” He tried interrupting, knowing if he put it off any longer he’d make himself sick. 

She didn’t notice. “And it’s kind of tricky -”

“Baby, listen.” 

“- But it’ll be really rewarding -”

“Brooklyn kissed me.” He blurted out quickly.

She froze immediately, eyes wide with her lipstick raised halfway to her mouth. “She did what?” 

He bit his cheek hard before replying, his heart pounding. “I’m so sorry, Sophie, I didn’t - I should have known, her stupid dinner invite -” 

“Rafe, shut the fuck up, why are you apologizing? You didn’t kiss her back.” It wasn’t a question, just a statement of trust, but he almost flinched from the hard edge to her voice.

He shook his head frantically. “No! No, of course I didn’t. Fuck. She barely even touched my lips before I pulled away.” 

“Fucking hell.” She had to set her phone down as she was practically shaking with anger. “I knew it.” 

“Knew what?” 

“I knew she was going to pull something, that - that -” She seethed, unable to get all her words out. 

“That…?” He tried supplying. 

“That bitch! Oh my god, what the hell? If I were there, I swear I’d - holy fuck. I’ve never wanted to punch someone until now.” She started pacing the room, flexing her fingers into fists. 

Rafe couldn’t hide his tiny smile, raising his eyebrows. “You’re kind of hot when you’re mad.” 

“Focus, Cameron.” She snapped. “Oh my god, she’s so fucking petty. First the Instagram messages, then this -”

“Wait, wait, hold on, what Instagram messages?” He interrupted, frowning. “What are you talking about?” 

“Oh.” She scowled, crossing her arms. “She followed me a couple weeks ago and went through and liked the posts that you’re in, and keeps responding to my stories. Like that group photo I posted the other day at the bar, some of the guys were in it? She literally responded with ‘wow, glad you’re getting some in Spain.’ What the fuck is that supposed to mean?” 

“Sophie, you should have told me.” He rubbed his temples, upset but completely unsurprised - Brooklyn had done that same to a friend he had taken to a date party once when they were in one of their many short breakups. “I’ll talk to her, tell her to knock it off -”

“And have her try and kiss you again? No, I don’t think you need to give her any reason to be one on one with you.” She huffed, indignant. “How many days again?” 

He paused to think. “Thirty? Twenty-nine?” 

“Jesus Christ.” She sighed, running her hand over her face. “Any chance you want to come early?” 

He looked apologetic, shaking his head. “Can’t, baby, I’m committed to this internship right up until I see you.” 

“Damnit.” She flopped back onto her bed and rolled over onto her stomach to face the camera again. “Next time you’re at dinner, let me know and I’ll text you a picture of my tits or something.” 

Rafe snorted. “I don’t know if that’s the best approach, but I wouldn’t be opposed to getting more nudes from you.” 

“No, you’re right, she’d probably just tell you I’m slutty or something.” She rolled her eyes, only for him to frown. “You’re not slutty, baby -” 

“I know, I know, whatever. What happened, seriously? Why’s she so hung up on you? I mean, I know why, look at you -” she gestured at the phone, making him laugh, “- but for real. Will you tell me?” 

He nodded, taking a moment before he spoke. “She, um, cheated on me, but I didn’t find out ‘til after she broke it off. Not until the charity gala, actually. She’d say things like, ‘you’re so needy,’ then would get mad at me if I went to hang out with the boys.” Rafe paused, thinking. “She invited herself to the Bahamas, both times. My dad loved her, that should have told me enough.” 

“Oh.” She murmured, frowning. “That’s fucked, Rafe, I’m sorry.” 

“Yeah, took me a while to snap out of it.” He half-joked, then his tone turned more sincere. “You should know, I was going to take you to the Bahamas house this spring, actually. But I didn’t want you to think I was showing off or something.” 

“Rafe Cameron, showing off?” She teased, lifting her hand with the Cartier ring and raising her eyebrows. “Never.” 

He immediately blushed, protesting. “That’s different!” 

She grinned. “Is it?” 

“It is. Totally different. I almost bought you the one with diamonds, that’d be showing off.” 

She narrowed her eyes. “You didn’t.” 

“Yes, I almost did.” He grinned, noticing that she wore the ring on her ring finger instead of her middle finger like he’d originally put it on her. “Sarah talked me out of it, so go complain to her if you wanted that one. She said you’d probably have my head.” 

“Smart girl.” Sophie laughed. 

“Do you always wear it on that finger?” He asked with raised eyebrows. 

Her cheeks tinged pink and she shrugged, trying to be nonchalant but her tone took a defensive edge. “Maybe. It doesn’t matter. It’s just a finger. Why? Does it make you feel weird?” 

“No. Does it make you feel weird?” 

“No.” 

“Good.” 

“Good.” She shot back, pressing her hands to her hot cheeks for a moment. “I have to go, I’m late for meeting my friends now.” 

“Wait, Soph.” He smirked and she narrowed her eyes again, wary of what he was about to say. “What.” 

“Love you.” 

“That’s it?” 

He laughed, grinning. “I’m still not opposed to you sending me pictures of your tits when I’m at dinner.” 

She rolled her eyes. “Do you know how difficult it is to take a good nude? I have to be alone, I have to contort myself in a weird position or use the self timer, then I have to edit the lighting because I have to take them at night -” 

“Alright, alright, I get it. I’m just kidding.” 

“You absolutely were not. I love you. Go appreciate the pictures I’ve already given you.” 

“You gave me three for the entire summer.” He complained, and she rolled her eyes. “That’s a lie, I left you with three and I’ve sent you a couple since then. Goodbye, Cameron, love you, you ungrateful son of a bitch.” 

He grinned. “Wait, Sophie, wait.” 

“Yeah?” 

“You’re not mad? At me?” 

Sophie paused, furrowing her brow. “Do I have a reason to be mad at you? You’re already forgiven for not telling me, is there something else?” 

“No, no.” He shook his head quickly, voice going quiet. “I just, um. She would have had my head for what happened. I know you’re not her, but I’m just used to that, I guess.” 

She softened, wishing she could hold him. “I trust you, Rafe. I mean it. I’m not mad at you. I’m pissed off at her, but you didn’t do anything.” 

“And you’d tell me if you were?” He rubbed the back of his neck, a little anxious. 

Sophie laughed softly, nodding. “You’d know if I was mad at you, baby, it’s hard to hide.” 

“Right. Okay.” He didn’t seem fully convinced, but nodded anyways. “I’ll let you go, then.” 

“Not mad at you. Good night, my favorite boy.” 

He gave her a small, shy smile. “You promise?” 

“I promise. You’re always my favorite.” She returned a bigger smile. “I’ll text you when I’m home if you need to talk more.” 

“No, no, I’ll be fine.” He waved her off, not wanting to seem too dependent. 

She nodded, blowing him a kiss with a grin. “Night, baby. Sweet dreams.” 

taglist: @whoeveniskendall @kkmaybank @karsinner @outerbanksbro @outerbankspreferences @randomficsandshit @sunshineitsfine44 @jailcalledlife @tovvaa @moniamaybank @illbesafeforyou @dontjinx-it @freddymaybank @jjmaybankzz @g4bster @oopsiedoopsie23 @babygal-babygal @thecuthoney

[waywardmillennial]

Puppet History Theory

This is all speculation about what I think could happen this season on PH connectingthedots.jpg but I wanted to post it in case I’m right. Hidden behind a read more in case you don’t want potential spoilers

First we have the Watcher team putting messages like this on their marketing, making me v. anxious /hj

Not to mention Ryan suddenly being friendly to the Professor.

Then there were these demon faces that popped up in the first episode

And in the “Mansa Musa” episode the Professor said: 

“Maybe at some point I'll, you know, transform into an exciting new version of myself. I hope I'm a little bigger because I still can't reach most things.”

(video clip post by jupitervenusearthmars)

Then in the smallpox episode we have the Professor taunting death

(a better full gifset here by ostensiblynone)

IT’S NOT LOOKING GOOD FOR THE BLUE GUY!

In fact, the more social media posts they put him in the more nervous I get because what if they’re trying to use him while they can

With the evidence laid out let’s look at the theories:

THEORY 1: The Professor will change form

one of my friends made her own Professor puppet (he’s very cute) and when she went to order the base puppet to make one for someone else, she got the wrong size. she sent me this:

Imagine a toddler size puppet bullying Ryan lol I don’t know if it’s going to be this puppet, but since he said “transform” and “get bigger” that’s why I added this. it could be a new look entirely - maybe we’ll get a whole new teacher for next season

THEORY 2: (1B?) maybe Shane will step down from the role

okay - this point is a bit of a stretch I will admit. I know how much the Big Guy loves giving history lessons. I don’t really have any evidence for this it’s just a guess. I mean he did hand over the making of the puppets this season, which surprised me, and they’ve always said they wanted to grow Watcher and bring on other creators in the future. maybe this is the first step towards that? 

CONCLUSION

I don’t know if the Professor’s transformation or death would be permanent or more of a plot twist to add drama and he’ll come back? once he defeats the Devil? And before you say Shane would never get rid of a beloved character, don’t forget what happened to Gene who is French Fries

we’ll see if this week’s episode gives us anymore clues or blows this idea to pieces. for now, I’ll keep posting what I find in my PH Lore tag. thanks for reading!

[mah-gah-lee]

be stuck with you - owen patrick joyner x (reader)

Word Count: 2303

Request: YES, from that sweet @idontcare011​, hope you’ll like it ! 

Summary:  you were late and a random boy comes into the elevator at the last minute. By some incredible force of fate (or pretty crappy weather) you find yourself stuck with the young man in this narrow cabin.

Warnings: panic attack and i think it’s all

disclaimer: I don't know Owen personally or what his life is like. All you will read in this "x reader" is from my imagination. My point is not to invade Owen's privacy. I don't want to offend him or offend anybody else in his life (family, potential girlfriend…I heard maybe he has one, so I don’t know but I don’t want to offend her).  All of this is not the reality

Tagged: @asdfghjkl-fanfics​ @standingtalllove​ @lukeys-giggle​ 

---

Thanks God, the quarantine was over and everyone could travel again. However, this stupid virus was not completely gone. Since the health crisis, you have adopted new habits, such as taking the stairs instead of the elevator. But today, you were in a hurry, so you entered the cabin eagerly. The conference you were due to attend was starting in no less than twenty minutes, and your itinerary had said it would take you 15 to get to your planned location. But with the weather conditions creeping in out there, you were sure you would need a lot longer than advertised. The automatic door was closing when a hand stepped in the way. A young blond man appeared and slipped into the elevator. You grumbled at the action, making you fall a few more seconds behind.

 "Sorry" the boy said through his mask.

 But you didn't answer.

 You had almost ten floors to go down together. You looked in your bag for a while to make sure you had your recorder when you felt an uncontrolled jerk. Your body no longer held you in balance but you caught yourself on a side of the elevator as the young man accompanying you tended to stabilize you. The lights flashed for a while and then went out. Your eyes widened as your heart pounded.

 "oh no no no no no no no. Anything except that, please!" you said, frantically pressing a random button.

 “I think we stuck…”

  "Oh yeah, what makes you think that?" The fact that we weren't moving or that the lights went out? "

 The boy threw up his hands in defense, eyes wide with so much animosity.

 "Hey, I'm in the same situation. You don't have to be aggressive."

You groaned before leaning against one of the elevator walls, peering into the face of your elevator failure companion. He had blond hair; his tips reached the base of his neck. But his expressive blue eyes - seeming constantly anxious - reminded you of someone, but you didn't know who. You have pushed the alarm button to warn the staff that there was someone in the lift.

 “Sorry, it’s seems to be a bad day. I’m late and now I’m stuck in an elevator with a perfect stranger”

 “I’m Owen…Not a stranger anymore”

 “I’m y/n, but yes, you still are”

 Owen laughed at your outspokenness and you gave him a polite smile before you were silent for several minutes.

 After what seemed like forever - when it was only ten minutes - you looked at your phone. No networks. For no obvious reason, when everything seemed to be going well, your heart started to beat faster. The thought of being stuck here forever crossed your mind and ached in your chest. The boy in front of you seemed so calm, which made you even more anxious.

 "How the hell can you stay so calm"

 "Oh ... I'm dying inside, just trying to play it cool"

 You can help with giving him an amused smile, he had been so frank. But this little interaction did not bring you back down from your state. You were breathing harder and harder, your chest was heaving quickly, it was nearly out of control. Owen seemed to notice that and give you a concerned look.

 "Panic attack?"

 You nodded briskly and Owen approached you cautiously. You saw his hands move towards you and your gaze expressed fear but you were paralyzed to do anything.

 "I'm going to take that damn mask off you already."

 Gently, he grabbed the fabric mask and pulled a little on it to lower it, he reproduced the gesture with his own mask.

 "Look at me, just me. There's nothing around us. Take a deep breath. I'll count to 3 and then you'll breathe out. Okay?"

 you nodded and when he shook his to urge you to breathe you took a deep breath, like he told you to.

 "1..2..3"

 You sighed, keeping your gaze on him. You started once more and when the blonde asked you if it was better, you were shaking your head negatively.

 "We're starting over but… take my hands and squeeze them as much as you need. Don't worry about grinding them."

 You grabbed his hands and restarted each step over, crushing his hands. But the contact with matter, your breath and Owen's comforting eyes, help you gently. A soothing silence has settled between you. Owen had helped you through this panic attack when you didn't even know each other. But you could feel deep inside that this man was good. Things seemed to calm down for you and you thanked Owen with a genuine smile.

 “You know how to deal with it ... Thanks for that.”

 “I also suffer from anxiety and panic attack. But the elevator is big enough here that it doesn't cause me one. Although I am a little anxious ...”

 “hey, breathe Owen.” You replied with a smirk

 Owen laughed and shook his head as if to say "that's a good one!" You look at the young man again, staring at him intently. It was very rude but you couldn't put a name on his face anymore. You were sure you knew him. Was he a distant cousin? A neighbor? A guy you knew in high school? Or just a guy you saw in an ad? Maybe the ad for these new cereals!

 “Excuse me but ... I've seen you somewhere before, haven't I?”

 “In an elevator, yeah!” he joked

 You laughed he was funny

 “No, I mean ... I feel like I've seen you before but I really can't remember where.”

 he sighed, as if a little tired of the question. You were surprised at his reaction but Owen answers you anyway

 “Yeah, I don't usually talk about that when I first meet a girl, especially when I'm stuck in an elevator with her but ... I'm an actor. I played some stuff on Nickelodeon and now I'm supposed to shoot season two of Julie and the phantoms, it's a Netflix series.”

 You watched him chattering, you nodded then wide your eyes. This is where you saw it! You had been relentlessly browsing the Netflix catalog and seeing the trailer for the series he told you about, but you had avoided it, the show seemed too childish for you. You first reaction was to make fun of him

 "Again, don't forget to breath Owen. But the way, I didn’t want to bother you with that question."

 He laughed lightly then smiled politely at you. You didn't seem to be a hysteric or a weird person. He had a deep feeling that you were a good person, which is why Owen seemed to relax.

 "It's just ... for a while, I thought you were a fan and I didn't want things to be weird all suddenly "

 "Oh don't worry I haven't seen any of your shows.” you said nonchalantly

 Owen burst into laughter. Once again, it was bafflingly sincere and he was really starting to enjoy being stuck in an elevator with you. You smiled, the energy in the cabin was positive that you almost forgot you were stuck with this young man for almost half an hour. You didn't know when you were going to be able to get out of here but you didn't really care anymore for the sole reason that you wanted to get to know this man. You tilted your head back, resting it against the elevator wall before sighing loudly. Seconds later, your gaze turned to Owen again.

 “So tell me about this series that you’re filming. What is it about?”

 "It's a pretty cool show actually. It's directed by Kenny Ortega, I don't know if you see who he is."

 "Hell yeah ... he's the choreographer of Dirty Dancing"

 "Himself ... So what about the storyboard ... It's about ..."

 And then, you listened to him to tell you about the series. Something like a '90s band dying of food poisoning from a bad hotdog and returning twenty-five years later as ghosts to help a super talented young girl to make music after her mom passed away. It made you laugh; it was probably the dumbest death on TV after Marion Cotillard's in Batman. He couldn't even stop anymore so that he sometimes swapped over a few anecdotes from the set. You even got a little exclusive on season two before Owen stopped in the middle of a sentence.

 "Sorry, I got a little carried away. But when you like your job, it's pretty easy to talk about it."

 You smiled at him and Owen started asking you questions, about your work, your life, your passions and you were giving him back. The conversation was fluid, natural You learned that he was German, that his mother tongue was German until he was about four years old, that he had a sister and had lived with his parents until that year when he moved into his own apartment. Getting to know Owen was really nice and you could feel your stomach twist every time he smiled. He was a boy full of humor but also sarcasm.

 You've been stuck with Owen for an hour and a half now. You ended up sitting on the floor of the elevator. Boredom was really starting to take hold of you. You rummaged through your bag for something, anything. An idea crossed your mind when you saw the small block of post-it notes.

 "Owen"

 "hmm?"

 "How would you like to play a game?"

 "What kind of game do you want to play here?"

 "Who am I?"

 "Obviously you are y/n" he tells you with a smirk.

 You laughed before pulling out your notepad and a pencil to show it to the blonde. He claimed to have understood your intention, which made you smile even more. Of course, Owen knew the game you wanted to play. He nodded, and you'd write a celebrity's name on a sticky note before sticking it on your new friend's forehead. He did the same for you. Fortunately, your two post-its are well stuck. Owen spoke

 "I start: am I a man?"

 "Obviously" you say with a smirk, responding to the blonde's previous joke.

 Owen laughed, catching the tone of your voice.

 “But how funny she is! Is my character a man?” He continued.

 You did several parts. You even teased him when he made you guess Julie and the phantoms, because the game didn't stop only with characters, celebrities but also series, movies, musicals. You were laughing when there was another shake, stronger than the first, the lights came back on and you couldn't help but be disappointed. You looked at Owen and he seemed to have the same gaze as yours. The doors barely opened and you found the hotel staff, patiently waiting to ask if you needed medical assistance, while also offering you a bottle of water. You left the elevator car, hurriedly stuffing the many post-its into your bag. You didn't really know how to act with the blond guy next to you. You had formed a little bubble in that enclosed space and now it seemed to have burst. For some strange reason, it made you sad. Now is the time to part ways with your new friend.

 “well, good-goodbye, it was nice to meet you.”

 you rushed into the hotel lobby a little more, but Owen seemed to catch up with you, his long legs only having to take a few strides.

 "wait, y/n!"

 You turned to him, you could see the embarrassment on his cheeks, asking with a frown what was the cause.

 "I think you let that go"

 "No, I don't"

 You looked at the crumpled white paper. It even looked like a piece of chewing gum. And at first glance, Owen's perfectly white teeth were chewing one.

 "I think you did."

 He handed you the paper with a determination that convinces you. You bite your lip as you look at the series of numbers on the packaging: a phone number. His telephone number. Owen swallowed hard as he looked at you. His eyes never leaving your lips.

 "It's pretty spontaneous of me but ... I won't start filming until next week. I hope you're still here the day after tomorrow ... because I would really like to ask you to come have a drink with me ... "

 Your cheeks turned red, did he really just ask you for a date? You did not know what to answer. The urge to say yes was so present but you were afraid to rush. Perhaps humor was your only defense

 "it depends"

 "about what?"

 "Does this appointment include a blocking session in an elevator? This is the only way it works"

 Owen laughed before giving you a genuine smile, showing his perfectly aligned white teeth. God, what a beautiful man.

 "I can try to fix this and find a faulty elevator."

 "So expect a text from me"

 You smiled back at him and gave him a wink before turning on your heels. Owen's heart skipped a beat and he when he arrived several hours late in the hairdressing section of the set, Charlie laughed at him saying that he had never seen him so happy to have a haircut. hair. But in reality, the blond was only waiting for one thing, and that was to receive a message from you, which arrived in a second.

 (y/n) text : "After being stuck in an elevator, here I am stuck in traffic ... Are you sure you want a date with me, you might just end up stuck with me?"

 Owen couldn't help but smile broadly.

 Owen text : "I'm sure. I'd love to even be stuck with you (again).”

(y/n) text : “Fine, ghost boy. See you soon”

[coffeestainsandcashmere]

Let No Man Steal Your Thyme - Chapter Eight (sfw)

I hope those few of you who follow this blog even remember this story!! It's being posted on here as a WIP, so technically you're all my beta readers :). Sorry it's taking so long to work through, but I'm really busy with other writing work, plus actual work, and some life stuff, but it's not abandoned!

In this chapter, which is a bit of a filler chapter, Hermione gets a pleasant surprise visit at the Kneazel and Quill, and she learns what Draco is doing with himself all day at the Manor, and why he has the hands of a potion master. Meanwhile Draco is quietly freaking out about what Scorpius will think of his kindling relationship with one third of the legendary Golden Trio...

As always, looking forward to hearing your reactions and thoughts!

Part One | Part Two | Part Three | Part Four | Part Five | Part Six (nsfw), Part Seven (nsfw)

___

The bell above the door of the Kneazel and Quill jangled, and Hermione looked up to see a very familiar figure wearing practical, Muggle clothes, and a tired but genuine smile.

“Harry!” she shrieked in delight, rising and scuttling around the desk. “When did you get back? I thought you were on assignment in Sweden til —”

He raised his eyebrows. “Wednesday? It’s Wednesday today, Hermione.”

“So it is,” she laughed, and pulled him into a hug. “Cup of tea? You look wiped out.”

“I’m only staying if you’ve got custard creams…”

She snorted. “I must have known I’d need them — I stopped at the Tesco Express on my way in this morning.”

“Maybe Professor Trelawney was wrong about you and ‘the sight’ after all?” Harry grinned and she shook her head, curls bouncing everywhere for want of a hair-tie.

Seated in the cramped back room of her second hand bookshop, Harry looked at her and cocked his head slightly to the side.

“What?” she asked, dunking a biscuit into her tea.

Quietly, Harry said, “There’s something different about you.”

“No there isn’t,” she retorted, scoffing her custard cream down and reaching for another. “I’m the same washed up old hag I’ve always been. Now, tell me about Gothenburg! I’ve wanted to go back ever since we went there for that conference — must be, ooh, what, twelve years ago now? Gods, how time flies.”

“Ok, first of all, you’re nothing like a ‘washed up old hag’, so don’t you dare talk about yourself like that, and secondly, Gothenburg was amazing.”

She smiled, and let him tell her what he could about his assignment.

“Bet Ginny’s glad to have you back,” she said.

Harry’s face shifted into what Hermione called her favourite ‘Harry being soppy for his wife’ expression, and he flushed. “Yeah, probably. Apparently Lily’s been flying around the garden at Grimmauld and it’s giving Ginny kneazles. Lily’s been pretending to be the next seeker for the Harpies or something…” Raking his hand through his messy hair, he sighed. “Who’d have ever thought I’d be sitting in your bookshop, talking about my daughter learning to fly, eh?”

She smiled, but Harry’s expression cracked a little.

“Sorry,” he mumbled.

Hermione scowled fondly and reached across to take his hand in hers. “Harry… we’ve been over this a thousand times.”

“I know. I just…” he drew in a long inhale and then said, “So are you going to tell me what’s changed in your life since I’ve been away? You’re practically glowing. Did you meet someone?”

Hermione bit her lip and drew back, cheeks heating damnably.

“You did? Who is it? Do I know them?”

“Yes,” she said carefully. “You do. But if I tell you who it is, I need you to…” she puffed out her cheeks and finished off in a rush, “I need you to promise not to freak out first of all, and then promise you won’t tell a soul. Not even Ginny just yet, ok? It’s really important.”

Harry looked wary and worried at that.

Taking one more breath for courage, she said quietly, “It’s Draco Malfoy.”

For a moment, Harry fell utterly still, his green eyes wide and disbelieving. He looked like he was expecting Fred and George to pop out of the bookshelves with party streamers and tell him he’d been pranked, but when he saw her anxious expression, his shoulders dropped a fraction and he whispered, “You’re bloody serious.”

“Yes.”

“How?” he blurted. “I mean… the man’s a hermit by all accounts. How did you even meet him, let alone… you know…” he grimaced and she bit back a snicker. It looked like he’d swallowed a toad whole.

A tiny smile crept onto her lips and she relaxed just a little. “It was back on the first of September,” she said. “I went with Ginny to wave James and Albus off, and —”

“— of course, Scorpius started this year too.”

“Exactly. Draco was there to see him off. Ginny was amazed that he’d left the Manor, but he’s… Gods, Harry, he loves that boy so much.” She paused, recalling Draco's stricken expression as the train had pulled away from the platform, and of his fears about losing Scorpius because of their relationship.

Harry watched her with a quiet intensity for a moment and then asked, “So… Uh… how’d it happen?”

She laughed. “I invited him for a drink at the Leaky, fully expecting him to refuse. I think he surprised himself when he accepted. We had lunch together and honestly…? It was really nice. He’s changed, Harry.”

“I know.”

That surprised her, and she sat up a bit and frowned.

Chuckling softly, Harry ran a hand around the two-day stubble on his jaw. “You remember the attack on the Manor?”

“Little Scorpius yowled in my arms for hours while you questioned his father, Harry. I couldn’t forget that.”

Harry acquiesced with a sideways nod of his head. “Well, he wasn’t the same Malfoy from school in that interview room, Hermione. I don’t know what I was expecting, but when I could get him to focus on something that wasn’t the whereabouts of his son, he was articulate and helpful… Still arrogant and snappy, but…” Harry shook his head. “He’s definitely different.”

Hermione bit her lip to try and stop herself from crying, which failed, and when Harry looked up, his face fell.

“Hermione? What’s wrong?” He set his mug down and rose from his battered old armchair, crossing in two strides to kneel beside hers.

“I was so afraid you wouldn’t understand,” she whispered, shaking and overwhelmed.

All the tension left Harry and he hugged her.

It was awkward because of the furniture, but Harry had always given the best hugs no matter the situation. “You deserve to be happy, Hermione. And you’ve always known your mind. If Malfoy can keep up with you, and keep you happy, then…” he shrugged without letting go, “I’ll support you. If he hurts you though, I will use every curse I’ve ever learned as an Auror on him.”

“Thanks, Harry. You promise you won’t tell anyone yet?”

He nodded.

And then someone cleared their throat from the doorway into the main shop, and Hermione jumped. Harry sprang back, hand going instinctively for his wand, but he stopped when he saw who was standing there.

“Theo!” Hermione exclaimed, smearing the last of her tears off her cheeks. “What are you doing here? I didn’t hear you come in.”

“Too busy sobbing onto dear Potter’s shoulder,” he said without barb. “Everything alright?”

She nodded. “Just getting emotional about something as usual. What’s up?”

“Just came to see if you wanted to grab lunch, but I can see that England’s favourite Auror has returned. How was your trip, Potter?”

“Good,” he said, suddenly every bit the awkward boy he’d been at Hogwarts. “I just finished debriefing and thought I’d stop by for a custard cream and a chat with Hermione before I head home. I’m on leave for a week now.”

“Nice,” Theo smiled. “Any plans?”

Harry shrugged. “A few casual rounds of quidditch with Ron and the others,” he said. “Time with Ginny and Lily. Might pop up to Hogsmeade and see if I can visit James and Albus at the weekend.”

Conversation stalled, and Harry rocked back on his heels before putting his mug down and turning to Hermione.

“Look, I’d better get going,” he said. “But… Come over for dinner this week, alright?”

She nodded. “I’d love that. Tomorrow any good?”

“I’ll check with Ginny, but I can’t see why not. I’ll owl you.” He paused and then grinned. “C’mere,” he said, and pulled her into another enormous hug. With a hand briefly on the back of her head, he murmured, “I won’t tell a soul.”

“Thank you,” she said, squeezing him so hard he wheezed.

“See you, Nott,” Harry said with a polite nod as he left.

Once the bell had fallen silent again, Theo turned to her and crossed his arms loosely over his chest. “Everything alright?” he asked again now that they were alone.

“Yeah,” she said and rolled her eyes. “I told him about Draco and bound him to secrecy. I was so relieved when he took it so well that I just burst into tears.”

Theo laughed at that and finally seemed to relax. “I’m honoured to have known before Potter, then,” he said. “And what, pray, are those?” he added when his eyes landed on the custard creams.

“Muggle biscuits,” she said, picking up the plate and holding it out to him. “They’re delicious.”

Theo looked as if she’d offered him a plate of slugs and held up his hand. “Thanks… I’ll, uh, pass.”

“You’re such a snob, Theodore Nott,” she laughed, bustling off to tidy the mugs and plate away. “What did you want, anyway?”

“Lunch,” he said.

“It’s three in the afternoon,” she countered.

“Mmm. I had a deposition that went on forever. I’m starving.”

“Theo, I do actually have a business to run,” she said. “Isn’t today Dan’s day off? Can’t he go instead?”

“He’s already reserved us a table and is probably halfway through his steak and rioja by now,” Theo groused. “I’ll bring you a doggy bag if we have any leftovers,” he added affectionately.

“Thanks?”

Pausing on the threshold to the back room, Theo fixed her with one of his rare, intense and sincere looks. “I’m glad things worked out with you and Draco. Potter was right; you both deserve to be happy.”

She swallowed thickly, feeling tears prickle at her eyes again. “You won’t tell anyone? He wants to tell Scorpius himself. He doesn’t want it coming from someone else first.”

Theo dragged his thumb across his heart in a cross and nodded. “Drinks on Friday? Draco said he might come.”

“I’ll be there anyway,” she promised, and Theo left with a friendly wink that only he could get away with.

She and Draco continued to see each other, mostly using the seclusion of his London apartment, though they did sometimes go back to hers. There they watched the 1946 Great Expectations. To Hermione’s surprise, however, Draco informed her that it wasn’t his first time seeing a muggle film. That, naturally, led down a whole rabbit hole of questions, ending with the discovery that Draco had built Scorpius a warded playroom inside Malfoy Manor that was shielded from the effects of magic and thus allowed Muggle technology to function perfectly.

“But… you need electricity!” she’d blurted.

Laughing and looking far too smug with himself, Draco said, “Indeed.”

“But… wizarding households don’t have electricity!”

“Granger, you’re glorious when you’re baffled. I must make more efforts to confound that brilliant mind of yours more often.”

“Tell me!” she’d shrilled, pinching him in the ribs as they sat on the sofa together with the end credits rolling away in the background. When he’d just sat back with his mouth quirked into an infuriating smirk, she had straddled him and raked her fingers through the slightly shorter hair just above his hears on either side of his head, scrunching the silver-white waves until he’d groaned and bucked upwards slightly into her. “Tell me, Draco Malfoy, or no more kisses.”

“You drive a hard bargain, my beautiful, brilliant witch,” he purred, slightly breathless as she continued to hold him in her grasp, head tilted back a little, throat exposed. His hands landed reverently on her hips and he closed his eyes, clearly enjoying the contact.

Naturally, Hermione kissed him on the lips and he smiled. “Perpetual shock charm,” he said when she drew back. “I made a generator.”

“That’s… That’s so simple it’s genius. But surely you had to look up —?”

“I’m fairly certain I could get a job as a muggle ‘electrician’ now,” he snickered, chasing after more kisses. “But I choose not to.”

“What do you do with yourself all day?” she asked. “Running Malfoy Manor and the estate can’t take up all your time, surely?”

He went a little tense beneath her at that and then chuckled, embarrassed. “I… I’m on the board of a number of charities,” he said, “And I’m currently conducting research into a number areas in the field of Potions. I did a postal course to get my NEWTs in Potions, and shortly after that, attained my masters.”

“Huh,” she said, sitting back a bit. She reached down and brought his hands up in front of her. Pressing a kiss to each of his scar-flecked knuckles, she murmured, “That explains a lot. You’ve got the hands of a potion-master, Draco.”

“Too many spills and accidents,” he snorted. “And not enough dragon hide gloves.”

“What are you researching?”

“A number of projects,” he said evasively.

“Come on,” she laughed, dropping his hands again and beginning to nuzzle at his jawline and neck. He was utterly weak to that, she’d discovered to her absolute delight, and she was not above using it to her advantage. Beneath her, he shivered and went limp, turning his head with a sigh of pleasure as she raked her teeth over his pulse and then kissed him.

“I’m working on… ah… on a recipe that… oh gods, Granger…”

“Go on,” she crooned.

“A recipe to make the wolfsbane potion commercially viable,” he panted.

At that, she did pause, but only for a moment. Next thing Draco knew, Hermione had flung her arms around his neck and was squeezing the life out of him like a boa constrictor.

“Granger?”

She just shook her head, thinking of what Remus Lupin would say if he knew what Draco was working on now on behalf of his kind. “Why?” she eventually croaked without removing her face from the crook of Draco’s neck.

His hands skated gently up and down her back, the heat simmering back down to something calmer; something fond and affectionate. “Because,” he fairly growled, “Fenrir Greyback tormented my mother when he lived with us at the Manor, and I had no idea that werewolves could be functioning members of society with the right help until I met Remus Lupin. It was just another area where if I’d only known more at the time, it would have made so much difference to my perception of things.”

He sighed and kissed the side of her head.

“I can make a difference now. I’ve got a state of the art potions lab in one of the dungeons at the Manor, and Severus left his entire collection of books and notes to me in his will. He must have known I always wanted to be a potions master, even when I didn’t think I’d live beyond the end of that awful year…”

That was probably the longest continuous speech from Draco she’d heard since they’d started seeing each other, and the emotion in his voice, lingering beneath the surface like a hidden current, moved her deeply.

“You’re a wonderful man, Draco,” she whispered as she kissed his temple. “I wish the world could see you for who you are now…”

“You see me,” he said very quietly. “That’s enough.”

___

To be continued! Don’t forget to let me know what you think, and help a relative newbie (at least to contributing anyway) to the fandom out by reblogging!

writing masterlist | Ao3

[mtherhino]

One side, Two lives

Chapter ten

Is he ok?

First Previous Next

Warnings: slight gore, panicked attack, and mention of eating disorder

Where the heck am I?  Virgil thought as he took in his surroundings. He couldn’t see anything except himself, as I he was standing in a pit of nothingness. He tried to to walk around but the blackness seemed to go on forever so he started to panic. Where a I? How do I get out of here? Where are the others?! Are they here two? I have to find them!

           Suddenly the anxious side heard a scream from behind him in the darkness. That sounds like Roman! He thought. He turned around and there stood Roman, on his knees and grasping at his stomach which confused the other side. Why is he grabbing at his stomach? Never mind I need to get his attention.

“Roman!” Virgil shouted to the other, but the prince didn’t acknowledge him, he didn’t even seem to hear him. This in no way helped Virgils anxiety.

“Roman! Princy can you hear me!” He shouted again, but just like before the creative side didn’t seem to even know he was there. Out of no where Virgil heard a dark chuckle.

He turned his gaze away from the prince and towards the noise. The shape of a person had materialized from the darkness, glimmering in a golden light and having what seemed to be a cape dragging behind him. The whatever it was approached Roman’s fallen from, laughing the whole time.

“You see? Your nothing but a weakling, and theres no place for anything like that here.” Virgil watched in terror as the person drew a sword and used it to tilt Roman’s head up to look at him. The side had tears running down his face and blood leaking from his mouth. Why is he crying? Why is he bleeding!? Virgil thought.

He looked back down to the prince’s hand and saw that the normally pure white outfit was now stained in blood, the red liquid was still spreading rapidly. Virgils eyes grew wide with horror. The golden being ‘tsk’ at the downed side and kicked him in the stomach making him cough up blood. No! Stop! You’re going to kill him! That’s what Virgil wanted to say, but as soon as he tried to scream black tendrils wrapped around his mouth and kept him quite.

Never the less the anxious side tried to run forward to stop everything but he couldn’t. He looked down and his feet where somehow stuck to the ground. He tried to pull himself free but it became clear that it was no use. He looked back at the scene in front of him and saw the figure start to raise his sword.

“You really are worthless. You’re just a pathetic excuse for a side, a useless nothing, and you’re especially no hero.” As the thing said that, it swung it sword down.

“ROMAN!”

           Virgil jolted up from his bed, his hand outstretched like he was trying to reach for something. His forehead was covered in sweat and he was sure that if he looked in a mirror his face would be whiter than a ghost’s. He brought his hand to his chest and he found his heart was beating faster than he thought it ever had. Virgil took a deep sigh and tried to calm down, it didn’t work very well. He looked over at his clock and saw that it was around 3 in the morning.

           What the heck was that? Virgil wondered to himself. He couldn’t remember much of his nightmare but he remembered that he was more scared than he had ever been in his life. Just trying to remember what happened made the side start hyperventilating. Ok. I need to calm down or else I might give Thomas a panic attack. Virgil started taking deep breaths and began to calm down as he repeated his 4 ,7, 8 breathing exercise.

           Once he was calmed downed he realized that he probably wasn’t going to be able to go to sleep for a while and flopped back onto his bed in frustration. The one night I actually tried to get more sleep. Just great. The side pulled out his phone from under his pillow and grabbed his headphones from his bed side table. This wasn’t the first time he was woken up by nightmares, but this time had definitely been the worst.

           He put on his headphones and picked up his phone. He went though a few different playlist before he finally settle on just clicking shuffle on My Chemical Romance. He ended up on Mama and smiled. This song was slightly calmer than most of the groups songs. He went to tumbler and started scrolling though it, humming the lyrics as he looked at post. After about an hour of looking at memes and funny videos Virgil found himself starting to dose off, the residents of the nightmare going to the back of his mind.

           When Virgil woke up it was too Patton calling him down for breakfast. He groaned as he got out of bed and change into his usual style. He pulled on his signature jacket as he went out the door even though he knew that it was crazy to wear a jacket on almost any day in Florida. Virgil walked down the long hallway eyeing every corner suspiciously in case Remus decided to just pop up or something. Because of this he wasn’t looking where he was going and ran straight into someone’s back and fell down.

           “Virgil? Are you ok” a familiar voice said. The anxious side looked up and saw that it was non other than Roman who he just happened to run into. The memories of his dream flashed in his mind and he looked at Romans stomach glad to see that there was no kind off blood staining on the t-shirt he was wearing. He shook his head a bit to clear the image of the fallen prince in his mind.

“Yah, I’m fine Princy.” Virgil said. Roman extended his hand to Virgil and pulled him up.

“You need to watch where your going, wouldn’t want you falling down the stairs or something.” Roman said with a chuckle.  The smaller side smiled softly at the sound but pretended to cough into his sleeve when Roman looked back at him.

           “Kiddos! Come get your breakfast before it gets old!” That had snapped Virgil out of his embarrassed fake coughing fit and the two started heading towards the kitchen. When they entered they found Logan at the table reading a comic book? Roman turned to Virgil and raised an eyebrow in question. The anxious side shrugged and went to go sit down at the table. He took a closer look at the cover and saw that it was a horror comic and that only confused him more.

“What are you reading Lo? I don’t think I’ve ever even seen you pick up a comic book before” Virgil asked. Logan finally looked up from his book and he seemed kinda embarrassed.

“Well um, technically it’s a graphic novel and uh Remus asked me to read it over for him.” Logan said while he adjusted his glasses, and if Virgil wasn’t mistaken, he was ever so slightly blushing. As the gears in his head spun the smaller side started to smirk. It definitely seems like this guy has a crush Remus. Although it may not look it, Virgil didn’t actually hate the duke. They in no way got along, and Virgil didn’t trust the creative side as far as he could though him, but he didn’t necessarily hate the gremlin of a man.

           So, with this in mind, the mischievous raccoon in a jacket decided that as long as he was here, he might as well mess with people.

“I didn’t know you and Remus where such good friends.” Roman, who had sat down after getting a plate of food for himself from the kitchen, tried his absolute hardest not to burst out laughing as Logan stuttered and rambled to try and explain himself.

“He simply assisted me in conducting some research the other day and I wanted to return the kind favor.” Once more the prince and emo character shared a look. Virgil decided that was enough teasing for now. You have to spread out the torture to make it effective after all. So instead of continuing to make fun of his friend he decided he should finally grab some breakfast.

“Whatever you say Lo.” The former dark side walked into the kitchen to see Patton serving up a plate that he assumed was for Logan.

Today Patton had made some scrambled eggs, a few links of sausages, and some toast he was currently adding crafters jam to. Patton turned around to face his dark strange son and smiled widely.

“Hey kiddo! I made a plate for you if that’s alright. If theres anything you want to change about it go right ahead!” The fatherly side said in his usual cheerful tone. Unfortunate this kinda made the smaller of the two freak out a bit.

What if I don’t like whats on the plate? I can’t just mess with it Patton already put in the work to make the food and if I put any of it back it will look like I don’t like his cooking which of course into true but what if he thinks that? Luckily his worries were put to rest when he saw his plate had equal proportions of everything just how he liked it. He breathed a sigh of relief and went to go sit back down with the others.

When he got back to table Roman and Logan were arguing about some sort of play but the conversation was now going too fast for Virgil to actually pay attention to it.

“Don’t you dare say Hamilton wasn’t a good musical in my presence!”

“I’m just saying its historically inaccurate! For one thing the Skylar sisters did have an older brother so the part in the musical where Angelica sings about having to bring the family glory is false. Also she was already wed to a man before she met Alexander so she couldn’t marry him if even if she wanted to.” Logan reasoned in his calm yet frustrated ‘everyone-is-being-an-idiot-except-for-me’ tone of voice.

“Of course it isn’t entirely accurate to the real character. In theater you have to add a bit of drama to express the characters feeling in the scene better!” The royal side tried to explain while he waved his arm around in the air, surprisingly not hitting anything or anyone. Luckily before the two could continue Patton walked into the room carrying both his and Logan’s plate.

“Ok kiddos I think thats enough arguing for now, go ahead and eat instead of bickering please.” Patton said in a hopeful voice.  The two sides grumbled a bit to themselves but did start eating . Virgil looked over at Romans plate and saw that he once again had a lot less food on his plate than the rest of them. He had about two mouthfuls of eggs on his plate, one small sausage and half of a jam covered toast.

Doesn’t he need to eat more than the rest off us? I mean he goes adventuring all the time so he probably burns all the calories he gets from the meals Patton makes. Virgil pondered all this while he ate. If he was being honest he didn’t think he had ever seen Roman get seconds unless people insisted on it. Thats kinda concerning, what if he isn’t eating right because off stress? But why would Princy be stressed he’s the living personification of having a dreamy good life. Could something be wrong and we just haven’t noticed it yet?is he ok? Luckily he was broken from his thoughts as someone called his name.

“Virgil? Are you ok? You’ve been so pacing out for a while now, everything alright?” Roman said as he put a comforting hand on the anxious sides shoulder. Virgil gave the royal a small smile and took a deep breath. I’m just overthinking things. Roman’s fine, he would have come to us if he had a problem.

“Yah I’m fine Princy, just got lost in thought that’s all.” The creative side smiled at that and went back to eating his small plate of food.

           After everyone was done with breakfast they all went back to their own rooms, Logan still reading the graphic novel as he walked. Once Virgil got to his room he threw himself onto his extremely messy bed and was about to pull up something to watch on YouTube when he heard a knock on his door.

           What the, I was just with everyone, if they needed to ask me something wouldn’t they have asked me then? The purple side sighed and got up to open the door, only to find the hallway completely empty?

“Um, ok, anyone there?” Virgil said while he stuck his head out the doorway.

“Yup! I’m right here!” A choice shouted from behind him.

“Ahhh!” The smaller side screeched and accidentally slammed the door shut. There now sitting on his bed kicking his feet, was Remus. He wasn’t wearing his usual outfit for videos but instead a ripped up tank to and some black sweatpants.

“What the hell are you doing here?!” The anxious side said in an accusing tone.

“I was bored and decided that I might as well annoy you for a while.” The taller of the two said with a shrug.

Virgil groaned and destroyed any hope of having a peaceful day from his mind.

“Why in the world did you knock? You haven’t had any real manners since we were kids.” The purple clad side said as he sat down on a beanbag that he had in the corner. The duke shrugged.

“It was part of my grand plan to distract you so that I could scare you even better.” The insane side said with a sharp tooth smile. Before Virgil could make a retort the door burst opened. There stood Princy in a t-shirt and shorts, his hair looking slightly disheveled and with a sword in hand. He for some reason also looked a bit bigger than normal but Virgil discarded the thought as the lighting being weird.

           “Virgil! What’s wrong! What do I need to fight!” The red side exclaimed.

“Hey Ro! I just scared emo over here and he screamed like I had ripped out his guts or something.” The duke said as he threw his arm around his brother. Virgil was kinda surprised. Last time he had seen the twins interact Roman was out cold in seconds but now they were talking like they were best friends. Well I guess they are siblings after all. The smallest in the room said.

“Oh, ok then. Virgil do you need any assistance?” Roman asked. The former dark side thought for a minute and figured that he could handle Remus by himself, he had enough experience dealing with his craziness growing up.

“Yah Romano I’ll be fine.” Virgil said with a wave. Roman nodded but not without a sigh at the nick name and walked out.

“Oh but before I go,” the prince turned around and glared and the both of them, “if you two kill each other I will find a way to somehow resurrect you and get you both scolded by Patton.” And with that Roman left with a royal wave. The two remaining sides gave each other a look, Virgil’s one of distrust and Remus’s one of mischief.

“Sooooo,” Remus said as he jumped back onto the bed, “you like my brother huh?”  Virgil’s face turned bright red.

“I-I don’t know what your talking about!” The now highly nervous side shouted.  This only made the duke chortle.

“Chill out, I’m not gonna tell him, it will be a lot more fun that way.” Remus said with a grin. The hoodie wearing side breathed a sigh of relief.

“However you now owe me a favor.” The dark side said. Virgil grumbled to himself but agreed and asked what the favor was. The royal smiled widely.

“You have to help me beat Deceit’s high score in Mario cart.” The anxious side was surprised at first but then smirked.

“Sure, I’m not going to pass up the chance to piss off the snake.” The smaller jumped onto the bed as Remus summoned his switch that was nearly covered in stickers except for the screen.

           After a few rounds of Mario cart Virgil still hadn’t won once and he was getting annoyed, especially since Remus wouldn’t stop saying how he was the ultimate champion of this game. In this round they where nearing the finish line and Virgil was in second place while Remus was in first. He had dodged all of the shells Virgil had thrown at him but he still had one more.

There’s no way I’m letting this rat man beat me again. Suddenly Virgil had an idea and a dark smile formed on his face.

“So Remus,” the purple side said as he lined up the shot, “how did your date with Logan go?”

“What?!” Remus was so surprised that Virgil somehow knew about his sorta kinda date with Logan that he fell off the bed. Meanwhile Virgil threw a green shell at him and finished in first.

“Yes!” The smaller side exclaimed.

           “How in this wide terribly gruesome world did you find out about that?” Remus said from the floor. Virgil shrugged.

“Logan said that you helped him with some research or something while blushing so I figured you actually took him on a date.” The emo said while he leaned back on his pillow. He looked over at Remus who was now sitting on the bean bag looking slightly startled.

“Well I didn’t technically ask him on a date, I just offered to take him and give him a tour of the imagination.” The duke said while he messed with his white streak of hair. “I haven’t actually told him that I like him.” Virgil was surprised that Remus looked actually embarrassed saying this.

“I never thought I would see the day that you were nervous.” Virgil said honestly. “Don’t worry, I won’t tell Logan if you aren��t ready to tell him.” Remus gave him an incredulous look and started laughing like a mad man which slightly scared the smaller side. He suddenly stoped and got up.

           “Thanks emo, I got to go or else De is going to get mad at me.” While the dark side walked to the door he messed up the purple wearing side’s hair until it defied gravity. “Wanna help me beat the record tomorrow since that slippery snake has such a freaking high score that we couldn’t beat it today?” The crazy side asked.

“Sure.” Virgil said, surprising even himself.

“Cool! Se yah tomorrow emo.” Remus said as he slammed the door loudly. The anxious side relaxed on his bed with a sigh. Even when just hanging out with the others being social was exhausting for him. He remembered that Thomas had some sort of event for tomorrow but Virgil doubted that he would need him for anything. As he was starting to drift off to sleep for a nap he had one last thought. Isn’t the wedding tomorrow?

Well I hope everyone if ready for some angst to come. Hope you guys have a good next 24 hours, bye!

Tag list:

@lovelivingmydreams

[yunatheintrovert]

shot through the heart (and you’re to blame) | Chapter 1 [Russell Adler/Female Bell!Reader Soulmate AU]

As you tapped your foot against the carpeted floor of the conference room to Under Pressure by Queen and David Bowie, you felt your once anxious mind calm down.

For far back as you could remember-which really was just the year 1981-music with your ever trustworthy Walkman had always helped you with...well everything.

It had been one of the reasons you loved that pencil-pushing job in the cubicle at Langley as an intelligence analyst. No unholy amount of paperwork could overcome the clarity you felt at the sound of music blaring through the headset at your ears, drowning out everything else in your world. There was no voices, no ringing in your ears, no screams.

It was all just the consistent sounds of songs you listened to time and time again.

(And as much as you hated to admit it, there was that stubborn bit of hope that refused to die in every song you listened to. Because maybe, just maybe-you had someone out there when you had no one to call your own.)

That stability you found in a world that you knew you had no place in was all thanks to an old acquaintance and now friend. Belikov must have heard from Lazar about the noise complaints from your neighbors. After all, the next time you met him at the scheduled Chicago Cubs’ game, he handed a boxed Sony Walkman WM-5 model with his usual smile under his signature blue Chicago Cubs hat.

As much as you prized your precious Walkman, you couldn’t help but notice how the timing of the mixtapes it played was...uncanny.

Granted, you made the mixtapes yourself. But the MK Ultra program didn’t give you foresight into the future.

You remembered Lazar laughing amusedly at your musings about that. You swore it was true although perhaps that was the paranoia left over the MK Ultra program.

Yet as you sat patiently at the conference table, you couldn’t help but feel a sense of foreboding that punctuated the ringing silence the Walkman had before it moved onto the next song on your mixtape.

SHOT THROUGH THE HEART AND YOU'RE TO BLAME-

As the song you had listened to for years after quite literally getting shot in the heart rang loud and clear in your ears, you registered the doorknob turning across the room.

And suddenly, you just knew.

The song you had listened to for a year while getting as drunk as a fish in bars was coming back to haunt you with a vengeance.

“Oh, for fuck’s sake-” you muttered to yourself, perhaps a bit more loudly than you intended.

Russell Adler walked through that door not a second later.

Even as you swiveled your gaze to the suddenly very fascinating waste basket at the opposite side of the room, you couldn’t help but look at your former...superior out of the corner of your eye.

He was as calm and composed as ever. Signature sunglasses and the ever present cigarette in hand, he looked the same as he did in 1981.

Years ago, you would have admitted that it was frustrating to be ignored that way.

But now, all you could hope for was that he was just here to sit in for the meeting.

If the implanted memories were any indication, Russell Adler always tied up loose ends.

And you were that one loose end that just wouldn’t die.

Quietly sighing to yourself, you soon turned your attention to the briefing that just started. Half of the people you didn’t recognize. But you did notice the familiar figures of Lazar and Belikov sitting in the seats next to Adler.

It must have been some time into the briefing that you felt a forceful nudge at your leg. Turning slightly, you faced your neighbor, recognizing the familiar face.

She was an analyst at the cubicles in Langley as well. Although, she had a fair resume filled with a reasonable amount of fieldwork related to the Eastern Bloc.

“Bell,” she said as you read her lips and the frustrated look in her eyes, “Turn off that damn Walkman.” you assumed she said that in a hiss.

Truth be told, you weren’t exactly popular among the analysts at Langley. You were rather aloof with your quiet lunches in your little cubicle and constant listening to music on your Walkman in the busy hallways.

Suddenly, you saw the analyst’s head turn towards the upper end of the conference table.

And just like before, you simply knew who your “neighbor” was looking at.

“There’s no problem, sir. It’s just her-” You saw the analyst gesture to yourself before she added, “I don’t know if she was paying attention to the briefing.”

There were several times in your line of work that you wish your conversational and social skills were more up to par....and this was one of those times.

You looked at Adler, shrouded in a sparse cloud of smoke with his signature sunglasses on.

“Bell,” was the word you registered all too well.

You felt the gunshot scar on your chest ache in pangs because you heard that word-BellBELLBell-in Vietnam all those years ago-nonono

It wasn’t real. And you had to listen to the advice the shrink gave you.

They were all just surreal dreams.

“Sir?” you quietly inquired, making sure to use the honorific. After all, there never ever was any personal feelings involved in the past and thus formality should be used to distinguish that (and deep down you knew it was for your sake because you had to draw a damn boundary between reality and whatever the hell MK Ultra planted inside you).

For a split second, you could have sworn something crossed his face. Although, you could never tell what he was thinking behind those shades.

“We’ve got a job to do, Bell.” You felt yourself freeze, “What is it?” He was testing you.

Of course.

“Objective is a downed American recon satellite over the Angolan desert. Secure perimeter, destroy sensitive technology, and exfil at 1300. Weapons armament is at our discretion,” you said in clipped statements before adding, “Further details will be assigned to us at a later time.”

Much to the frustration of your “neighbor”, Adler simply nodded approvingly at you in that ever slight way before taking a drag of his cigarette.

Luckily, the briefing was over in around 15 minutes without a hitch.

By the time it was over, your mixtape had already gotten to Tainted Love by Soft Cell and you were already in the middle of jumping out of your chair and making a hopefully subtle dash to the hallway.

From the pain you drive into the heart of me The love we share Seems to go nowhere

Suddenly, you felt a weighted, warm pressure on your shoulder and you instantly twisted around with your hand on the origin of the pressure-

-only for you to blink in consternation at the warm feeling of callused skin against your own.

He’s not wearing gloves, you thought vaguely for a moment as you held Adler’s large callused hand on your shoulder.

Wait-

“Sorry, sir-” you jerked away from him with an apology, “...old habits die hard.”

'What old habits? You had none, not with him.' you kicked yourself mentally.

“You should be more aware of your surroundings.” Ah, yes...The same kind of lecturing you would get in the safehouse when you would listen in on his calls...Granted that somewhat deserved, but it wasn’t like he wasn’t watching over you 24/7 like that time you saw him watching you wander around in the darkroom.

“Yes, sir.” you simply said. It was better to be unnoticed by Adler than it was to piss him off. If you had to be the same devoted obedient subordinate as before, so be it.

There just wouldn’t be any personal feelings involved this time.

(because there were none. It was never personal.)

And I've lost my light For I toss and turn I can't sleep at night

You couldn’t help but feel rather awkward at the silence that lingered in the air.

“If that’s all, I’ll be going now, sir.” you rather sheepishly said before moving to turn to walk away. 

“What are you listening to, kid?” Adler asked suddenly.

“What?”

“The song,” he gestured to the Walkman secured at your waist.

“Tainted Love,” you quickly answered, “Soft Cell.”

You could’ve sworn you saw Adler’s lips twitch up ever so slightly in almost a rather smile....or grimace. You could never quite tell with him.

“It’s a good song, Bell.” was all he said before walking away.

And with that exchange, you were left alone and confused in the hallway.

Once I ran to you (I ran) Now, I'll run from you This tainted love you've given

Author’s Note: 

This is my first time writing out Adler's character as well as even writing out a Call of Duty fanfic. Hopefully, it turned out okay. My writing is still pretty rusty at the moment. 

Anyways, I love writing Soulmate AUs and I found the idea of it to be interesting with a Russell Adler/Bell concept. Aside from my love for Soulmate AUs, I also just had to write out post-canon ending Bell having a Walkman and listening to music all the time with it.

Also, in case anyone is confused, this has a canon-divergence where Bell got non-fatally shot by Adler just before getting pardoned by a high-ranking official for her efforts and then getting a pencil-pushing job as an intelligence analyst at Langley. It's somewhat based on the "happy ending AU idea" post I put on here. It's rather unrealistic but I decided to run with the idea since it ran well with the soulmate AU concept.

Well, thanks for reading!

[songsoomin]

Begin Again Part 2 (A,F)

Word count: Around 6k

Idol! Jongho x Fem Reader, Best friend! Hongjoong. Reader has serious body confidence issues due to a past relationship but Jongho will help her through it. First two chapters will be angst with some fluff but a little smut will appear in chapter 3.

Warnings: Mentions of abuse, both emotional and psychological, body shaming, anxiety issues. 

Author’s note: Reader is overweight but not as massive as she thinks she is. She has been conditioned through psychological abuse to believe she is very fat and unattractive. This is not intended to be the kind of story where reader becomes thin and is then happy and gets male attention (although, due to reader’s warped sense of self she does equate being thin with being happy). Even after losing some weight (for her own health and happiness) she is still somewhat overweight and curvy but the more important part is that she gets her confidence back and that is what makes her happier and more attractive. 

Part 1 Part 3

Posted 18th December 2020

@boss-baby-jongho​ Sorry it took so long

It had been a few months now since you and Jongho had been training together and you were much closer. You got on well with all the boys but Jongho was the closest to you now aside from Hongjoong. You still saw Hongjoong alone quite often - he would come over to your apartment and you'd watch movies and talk but you also spent plenty of time with all of them together.

This evening you had just come into the boys' dorm with Jongho after another gym session to the smell of cooking. You looked into the kitchen to find Seonghwa and Wooyoung cooking while Woo pestered the older boy like usual, telling him he was doing it all wrong. Hwa had his usual patient look on his face, completely used to Wooyoung's nonsense.

"Y/N!" Yunho called out in greeting . You could see he wanted to hug you like he usually would to others; he was such a warm, affectionate person but he knew it would make you uncomfortable. He settled for stroking your arm instead. You were getting much better at accepting physical affection from them these days. Hongjoong gave you your usual hug and Yunho looked sulkily at you.

"She'll get there, Yunho, just be patient. You'll get hugs soon." Hongjoong told the tall blue-haired boy and you had to laugh at how hopeful his face suddenly turned. You often referred to them as 'boys' but they were all grown men. You wouldn't think it sometimes, though, with how sulky they could get. Yunho and Mingi could appear intimidating with how big they were but really just loved cuddles, no matter who from. San loved his plushies and Woo was so playful and teasing that sometimes they seemed younger than they were. Hongjoong, Seonghwa and Yeosang seemed like the more mature of the group. Jongho was a bit of a mixture; he seemed mature despite being the youngest but he could be pouty sometimes. You were sure, however, that he just used that to get what he wanted. It usually worked, though, you could never deny him anything when he unleashed the full power of his pout.

Seonghwa had made tteokboki - your favourite - and you were all just eating and chatting happily but Mingi seemed quieter than usual and you could feel him watching you during dinner. The drinks had been flowing as none of you had to get up the next day and you felt comfortable enough now to ask him why on earth he'd been watching you so much.

"Oh, sorry. I didn't think you'd noticed."

"You weren't being that subtle, Mingi." You said, amused by his sheepish reply.

"I was just thinking...you always wear such baggy clothes but working out with Jongho must be working because they seem so much bigger on you now."

"You are looking smaller, Y/N." Hongjoong agreed.

"You think?" You asked, you had thought so but with wearing baggy clothes already it wasn't so easy to notice when they got baggier - at least to you...Mingi seemed to see it.

"Definitely." Jongho added, "There's no way my master-level instruction isn't working." You giggled while the others all groaned at his smug evaluation of his talents.

"Well, thanks, I guess...but why do you say so?" You asked Mingi uncertainly, naturally worrying it was something bad that caused him to bring it up. Did you still look that bad? You were hoping all your hard work would make you look better.

"There's nothing wrong if that's what you're comfortable in but I was just thinking it's a shame to hide all the hard work you've been doing."

"What do you mean?"

"Baggy clothes hide your real shape. Some people wear them because they are uncomfortable with their size but they tend to make a person look bigger than they are."

"Oh god, he's on about clothes again." Yeosang muttered.

Ignoring Yeosang's comment you felt your heart drop. Mingi could see exactly what you were doing and - worse - was calling you out on it in front of everyone. You looked down at your food not wanting to look anyone if them in the eye. You felt exposed having your size become the topic of discussion at the dinner table.

"You've made her feel bad, you moron!" Jongho said, glaring at Mingi.

"Calm down, Jongho, we all know you like - "

"Shut up!" Jongho warned, uncharacteristically ill-tempered.

"Well, as I was going to say...don't take it out on Mingi. You know he wouldn't have meant to upset Y/N."

"No! Of course not!" Mingi exclaimed, looking apologetic.

You were certainly confused. You'd never seen Jongho get worked up like that and couldn't see how it linked to what Mingi had said. Maybe what Yeosang was trying to say would've explained it but it was obviously something Jongho didn't want him to say.

"It's okay, Mingi. It's not your fault I'm so sensitive about it. Please continue with what you were saying."

"What I wanted to say is that you should let me take you out to get some clothes that would work much better on you." The brown-haired boy looked excited at the thought but to you even the thought was causing worry to rise in your chest.

"Oh, no. No. I'm no good at clothes shopping. Everything looks bad on me and I just end up crying."

"But..." Mingi continued, "I am very good at clothes shopping and I know exactly what will make you look good."

"You do?" You were still very uncertain about this but the alcohol was making you more suggestible.

"Excuse me? Have you ever seen me in a bad outfit?"

"Here it comes..." Mumbled Yeosang.

"I have never chosen a bad outfit in my whole life. I was born with amazing fashion sense." Mingi declared as the others all rolled their eyes at his overexaggerated claim.

"Uh...I don't know."

"Go on, Y/N... it'll be fun. As modest as he is..." Wooyoung stopped to shake his head at Mingi, "...he does actually know what he's doing when it comes to clothes."

"Okay. As long as I don't end up crying, though." You were already anxious and not really sure why you'd agreed to it.

"If you do it looks like Mingi will have Jongho to deal with." Wooyoung snorted.

In response Jongho stood quickly from the table and stalked down the hall to the room he shared with Mingi. You looked after him sadly. It was horrible seeing him upset. You had no idea what this was all about but it seemed like they were teasing him about something. You looked at the other boys with questioning eyes.

It was Seonghwa who answered your look, "Don't worry, Y/N. He'll be fine, he usually calms down quickly."

Later on when you and Hongjoong were alone in the kitchen doing the dishes you decided to ask your red-haired best friend about it.

"Joong?"

"Yeah?"

"What was Jongho so upset about?"

"Oh...uh...well, I probably shouldn't say anything...but I'm not sure if he ever will."

Hongjoong pondered his statement as he washed another plate. This was not clearing anything up at all.

"I'm not following."

"He likes you." Hongjoong said putting the plate on the drainer for you to dry up.

"I like him, too. He's really fun to be around."

"No, I mean he likes you." Hongjoong emphasised, looking you dead in the eye.

You were stunned. Why would Joongie think that?

"Don't be ridiculous." You scolded him lightly.

"I mean it!" He defended.

"It's not that. He's probably just feeling protective as we've got closer now. No one likes their friends being upset." You nodded to yourself at your more correct assessment of the situation. Anything else was simply unbelievable to you. No one ever thought of you like that. Least of all someone as perfect as Jongho.

                                                     ********

The next morning you woke up feeling just slightly hungover as you'd all continued drinking further into the evening. All except Jongho, of course. He didn't come back out and that really put a damper on your evening. However, you weren't feeling too bad until you remember that you'd agreed to let Mingi take you shopping. You groaned loudly and tried to work out how to get out of it before deciding you'd have to go because you really didn't like flaking out on people.

Noticing the time you quickly had breakfast and showered before dressing as you always did - baggy to hide your shape and size. You couldn't see how it was possible to look better in clothes that actually showed your figure but hoped Woo was right when he said Mingi knew his stuff when it came to clothes.

You were pretty much done when you heard a knock on your apartment door. You rushed over to open it and found Mingi on the other side, smiling brightly at you.

"Ready?" he asked, voice as deep as ever.

"No." Truthfully you were dreading it.

"Well we're still doing it so come on." Unceremoniously, he grabbed your wrist with his big hand and pulled you out the door.

"I'm coming, I'm coming..." You laughed, "Just let me lock my door before we go."

                                                  ********

"Y/N...are you ever going to come out?"

"I'm really not sure about this, Mingi."

You were standing in front of the full-length mirror in the changing room, uncomfortable with what was reflected back at you.

"I picked out the perfect outfits for you so I can't imagine what you're not sure of." The tall brunette said matter-of-factly.

"It's just so...tight."

"Exactly. It will show off your figure perfectly."

"Mingi!" You yelled as he suddenly whipped the dressing room curtain back.

"See? You look amazing."

You looked at him skeptically as he smiled widely, appreciating his work.

"You're lying."

Mingi's smile faded and he sighed. "Y/N, you're not seeing yourself clearly at all. You have a great figure...amazing curves." He added, looking you up and down.

"Mingi, are you checking me out?" You joked, "I'm going to have to watch you."

"What?" He said defensively, "You look good."

Embarrassment came over you as you were only joking so you didn't expect Mingi's response. He, however, was not embarrassed and continued on a little more seriously.

"I know you don't think so but it's true."

The change in atmosphere caught you off guard. You'd only ever seen Mingi in a playful mood so to see him turn serious and caring was different.

"Thank you, Mingi."

The brunette smiled in response and you could see that he meant it even if you had trouble believing it. You thanks were sincere, though, because, aside from Hongjoong, you weren't used to anyone offering praise to you.

"You definitely need to get this outfit. It's looks great and makes you look a lot smaller than those awful baggy clothes you wear. Next outfit!"

Mingi pulled the curtain shut while you reluctantly did as ordered and started changing in to the next set of clothes. In truth, though, part of you was excited and enjoying the shopping trip with Mingi. The confidence you once had was buried deep down but you knew it was still there and maybe this could help you find it again. You used to love all the attention you got from boys when you got dressed up and you wanted that feeling back. That was why you let Mingi talk you into getting all the clothes he'd picked out for you.

                                                   ********

A low whistle sounded as you entered the boys' dorm with Mingi pushing you through the door as you'd felt too nervous to go in looking so different to usual. You had tried to turn and run away but Mingi was too big and strong.

You were in the first outfit he'd picked out for you which was a pair of tight-fitting jeans and a top cut lower than you were used to but not too revealing. You weren't used to the way the clothes hugged your curves and felt self-conscious because you were so used to hiding underneath baggy clothes but you could see what Mingi had been trying to tell you. You did look a lot better in fitted clothes than the shapeless ones you usually wore. You looked like a girl again.

You looked up to see that the whistle had come from Wooyoung, who was now appreciating your newly revealed figure.

"It's really nice," the darker-haired male said, "...Mingi, you chose well."

"Don't I always?" Mingi said in response, clearly proud of his work.

Just as you were trying to extract yourself from this new attention a sharp slap on your behind made you gasp and spin around.

"San!" You shreiked at the blonde, who didn't look the least bit sorry.

"Looking good, Y/N."

You really should've scolded him for smacking you but he always looked so cheeky and cute you couldn't really bring yourself to.

"Thanks, San...but don't do that again."

"Why not? In those jeans it looks too good not to." He said, motioning to your bum with both hands.

"She's not a piece of meat, San." Jongho said, annoyance lacing his tone. "And you can't just touch someone like that without their permission."

You and San both turned, neither of you having noticed the youngest's silent entrance.

San looked at Jongho with one eyebrow raised as if he wanted to say something snarky but instead turned to you and said,

'We're friends...it's fine, isn't it Y/N?"

"It's fine but I meant it when I said don't do it again - it really hurt." You gave San a look so he would know you meant it but you really didn't mind that much. You appreciated the sentiment, just didn't like the pain.

Jongho, on the other hand, was not convinced. He looked at San for a moment longer, huffed unhappily, then left the room.

It made you a little unhappy to see Jongho like that. He'd been a little weird lately. Distant. When you were at the gym together he was just the same as always but around the other boys he wasn't the same. He seemed sulky and spent more time in his room. What really hurt most was that he didn't talk to you as much in front of the others.

It's true that with them there, there wasn't as much chance to talk together but after your coffee 'date' he had made more effort to be closer to you - so what had changed now?

Thinking back you remembered the others teasing him and Hongjoong saying  Jongho liked you. Could that be it? You didn't see how; what Hongjoong said couldn't have been true so you had just ignored it. At the gym it hadn't made it awkward between you but was that why Jongho was distancing himself around the others...to stop them from teasing him? Maybe you could try talking to him; he had become a really good friend to you and you didn't want a simple misunderstanding to get in the way of that.

The chance to talk to Jongho didn't come that evening as he had come back out of his room to eat with everyone but there were so many of you that it was impossible to talk alone. You could have gone somewhere private to talk but you didn't want to give Yeosang and Wooyoung even more reason to tease him.

Although you were still worrying about Jongho, you still had a great evening. It had made you a little self-conscious but you had to admit that you liked  being told you looked good and feeling like your hard work was paying off.

Well...the evening was great until Mingi made a horrifying suggestion.

"Hey! Y/N has some really nice clothes now - courtesy of my incredible fashion sense, of course - so we should all go out and celebrate her hard work."

A communal groan was heard around the room at his less than modest statement but, for the most part, everyone agreed.

"What do you have in mind, Mingi?" Seonghwa enquired, ready to put a stop to any plans that sounded too crazy.

"Let's go to a club!" The excitement was clear on Mingi's face but anxiety was creeping on to yours.

"No." You said firmly as they all turned to you to see what you thought. "No clubs."

"What?

"Why not?"

San and Wooyoung complained in unison, obviously not happy with your opinion.

"Y/N..." Mingi looked at you with a pout, "we got you such nice clothes, why do you not want to show them off?"

You shifted on the couch, uncomfortably.

"It's nothing to do with the clothes...it's the people. Too many people. I just don't like clubs."

"Well," Hongjoong interjected, "strictly speaking it's not the clubs you dislike. I remember you used to love going out and dancing so if we chose a club that's less crowded then you should be okay."

You shot your supposed best friend a look of betrayal.

"Then we should do that!" Mingi cried, excitement flaring up again.

"Please Y/N?" San pouted at you.

"Don't worry about all the other people; we'll all be there to look after you."

Wooyoung added on and with all three of them looking at you with such hope, you found yourself giving in again.

"Fine...but I'm not going to enjoy it." You declared sulkily, slumping back into the couch cushions while the three boys cheered. You didn't miss Hongjoong quietly looking pleased with himself for his latest victory in 'getting you out there again'.

He was right, though you hated to admit it, you did used to love dancing but over the years your enjoyment of clubs diminished along with your confidence. Your dislike of them now was based on the assumption that people would judge you. Laugh at you for getting dressed up and trying to look nice when really you were just a fat mess. Laugh at you trying to dance. You had never been what anyone would call graceful - clumsiness and a poor sense of balance making that impossible. You didn't used to care about that but with no self-confidence you started to focus on every bad aspect of yourself.

While you were inside your own head worrying about all this, the others were busy making plans.

"Y/N!" Wooyoung called out, breaking you out of your thoughts.

"Sorry, what?"

"I said I know just the right club for you. It's got great music but it's a little more expensive so all the kids go elsewhere. It's never uncomfortably packed and doesn't get as rowdy."

You nodded and smiled but it had done little to relax you. Honestly you missed the old days you used to go out dancing confidently. When you looked in the mirror and thought you looked nice and didn't worry about if other people agreed or not. Now that you'd agreed, all you could do was make the best of it. You knew the eight boys would look after you and you'd never not enjoyed a night with them. Maybe it would be fun.

                                                     ********

Club night came and you were feeling strangely calm about it. A little nervous but mostly excited to spend another night with the best eight friends you'd ever had.

They had all arrived at your apartment unannounced - Mingi citing his concerns about what clothes you would chose, as if only he knew how to put an outfit together. He said he'd have to approve your outfit before he could let you out; you merely answered him with a roll of your eyes and let him get on with it.

Rather than falling back into your old habit of hiding yourself in baggy clothes, you had actually decided to go for it in terms of dressing up - after all, if you were going out, you might as well make the effort. It had also occurred to you that maybe people were more likely to look at you if you looked out of place, one person in shapeless, baggy clothes in a whole club full of well-dressed people.

Mingi looked you up and down, appraising your outfit. You had chosen a short(ish) black skirt and a sparkly top which showed a nice amount of cleavage but not too much. You'd even broken out your push-up bra for added effect. The outfit was finished with a pair of black heels because if there was one thing you knew, it was that heels made your legs look slimmer. You'd even done the kind of make up you used to with eyeliner and subtle false eyelashes. Why not go all out? you thought; you'd forgotten how nice it felt to get dressed up.

Mingi smiled and gave you the nod so you were good to go. Hongjoong, knowing you would be nervous, made sure to tell you how good he thought you looked and the others all agreed in their own ways. Seonghwa, Yunho and Yeosang nodding in quiet agreement while Mingi, San and Wooyoung  were more vocal about it. The only one who didn't say anything was Jongho - publicly, at least. It was only when the others were out of earshot that he quietly came closer,

"You look really nice tonight."

The blonde boy you'd grown so close to looked quite awkward but you still assumed it was because he didn't want the other boys to tease him again. Why else would he wait until the others couldn't hear him.

"Thank you, Jongho." You replied, feeling as awkward as he looked. "You look really good, yourself."

You looked at Jongho, dressed in black jeans and a dark blue button up shirt with his dark blonde hair parted to show his forehead, making his beautiful dark eyes looking bigger than usual because they were more on show. He looked amazing. He was so handsome it almost hurt.

You felt more awkward with Jongho's compliment...maybe because it meant more to you. You'd had a sneaking suspicion for the last few weeks that you were starting to like him as more than a friend but you'd tried to ignore it because you couldn't imagine it going anywhere. You'd witnessed him get angry when the others teased him about liking you and the only logical reason for that was that the thought of liking you was an unwelcome one.

It was true that Joong had said Jongho liked you but you were sure he was mistaken because of the distance he was keeping from you as well as his general moodiness recently. None of it mattered anyway because, as far as you could see, there was such a vast difference between Jongho and yourself that he couldn't possibly like you.

At best you were ordinary, nothing special at all but Jongho...he was ethereal. His smile was so cute that you couldn't help but smile back when you saw it and his eyes shone so brightly. Yet despite the cuteness he still had a maturity some of the older boys didn't. He was so strong, too and, to be honest, you found that really, really hot.

It wasn't just how he looked, though, Jongho was a wonderful person. He was clever and funny and he'd given you so much help and asked nothing in return. What would someone like that want with someone like you?

                                                 ********

Clubs were as hot, sweaty and loud as you remembered. It had been some time since you'd gone to one - preferring to hide away  at home than go out and be surrounded by people. That's depression's survival instinct...to cut you off from the world so you won't seek help. To keep you away from friends who could help you. Thank goodness for Hongjoong because he wasn't letting you get away with that and without him you'd still be hiding away. Miserable. Clubs might not be the most comfortable place for you due to the overcrowding but you knew that you'd be ok with Hongjoong by your side - as well as the other seven boys you'd now come to think of as 'yours'.

Maybe it was the fun of being out with them all but you'd found it easier than you'd thought to relax and enjoy yourself. You'd even managed to keep away from thoughts that anyone looking at you was judging you...until you noticed a guy at the bar had been looking for a bit too long. You were waiting for the bartender to get your drink and hoping he would do it more quickly so you could get back to the others but luck was not on your side and the guy started to approach.

"Hi."

You looked at the guy for a second. Tall, fairly good looking and he seemed friendly from his tone as he greeted you but you felt a little panicked, nonetheless.

"Umm...Hi." You managed nervously.

He smiled, "You looked really good dancing just now."

You waited for the smirk or laugh to reveal he was being sarcastic but it didn't come. You hadn't yet got to a place where you trusted people meant what they said but when nothing else was said and he appeared to have meant it you quickly thanked him. You'd left a longer gap than was normal before replying and now your worry was that he thought you were slow-witted.

"Are you with all those guys over there?"

"Yeah...they're my friends." You told him, glancing over and smiling.

"You're not going out with any of them?" He pressed on.

"No, we're just friends." You said, shaking your head.

"Ah. Well one of them is really glaring at me right now. I'd say he doesn't like me talking to you."

You looked in the same direction as the guy and, sure enough, saw Jongho looking very much less than friendly.

"Oh, we're quite close so he's probably just worrying about me. You are a stranger, after all." An awkward laugh left you - small talk was not your forte.

The man smiled back and looked about to say something more but the bartender finally returned with your drink.

"Well, it was nice meeting you." You said as you started backing away. You really wanted to be back with your boys; you were still far too socially inept to be in this kind of situation without back up.

"What did that guy want?" Jongho demanded as soon as you were back.

"Dunno...just being friendly, I guess."

The dark blonde scoffed while San jumped in to tease, "Ooh, Y/N's on the pull!"

"Don't be ridiculous, San!" You squealed in horror.

"I'm just saying..." the blonde continued, "...guys don't approach women in clubs because they want to be 'friends'." He emphasised that last word so you'd have no problem undersanding what he meant.

"I'm getting another drink." Jongho grunted before stalking off in the direction of the bar. You sighed. He still didn't seem himself.

"I'm sure he was just being nice." You said naively. It wasn't that you didn't know what men were usually after in clubs but you honestly didn't imagine anyone wanting that from you.

"Suuure he was." A deep voice cut in.

"Don't you start, Mingi!" Your new fashion adviser laughed as you scolded him. "All of you manage to be friends with me without wanting anything more so why can't he?"

Smiling smugly, you felt you'd won the argument until the tall brunette leaned in closer,

"We're all still men, though. I might be your friend but if you asked, I'd fuck you right now and I'm pretty sure one or two of the other guys would, too."

The only way to describe the look on your face was dumbfounded. That was absolutely not something you would've expected to hear from any of them.

"Whatever, I'm going to dance again."

It can't have been possible for you to look any more flustered as you headed back to the others on the dance floor, with Mingi's deep chuckle following behing you.

As the night wore on you really were enjoying yourself much more than you expected but that could have a lot to do with the amount of alcohol you had consumed so far. You were even relaxed to the point that you didn't notice the guy from the bar dancing next to you, getting closer and closer. Soon he was dancing with you but you didn't mind too much as long as he didn't start getting touchy. The attention was nice, at least. You vaguely thought back to what San had said and sighed internally because you didn't want him to have been right but you had to acknowledge it now. Maybe between Jongho's training and Mingi's outfits, they really had managed to make you look alright.

But men were disappointingly typical and, not long after getting close, the guy started to get handsy. You barely had time to turn around and tell him to stop before you felt his hands disappear suddenly. When you had turned you saw said man looking confused - and slightly pained - as one of his wrists was being held aloft by a very pissed off looking Jongho.

The guy looked at Jongho cautiously before saying, "Hey, I'm sorry man...I didn't realise she was your girl."

You could see why the guy was looking worried - Jongho looked pretty scary and you wondered just how tightly he was gripping the man's wrist.

Jongho let go but didn't stop glaring and the man backed away a little.

"She's not but don't you think you should still ask her before you start feeling her up?"

"Sorry...I didn't mean any harm." The guy answered, looking between Jongho's hard face and your quite confused one before walking away quickly. You turned back to Jongho; you really appreciated him looking out for you but couldn't understand why he was so angry.

"Jongho...what -"

"You shouldn't let random guys touch you like that, Y/N!"

You stared at him for a few seconds, a bit stunned until his sharp tone set off your own anger at being chided like that.

"I was turning around to stop him but, to be honest, it's not really any of your business who I let touch me!"

Jongho's eyes widened a little, taken aback by your reaction. You'd always had a temper but none of the boys except Hongjoong had ever seen you get angry. They only knew your milder, more timid side and the quickness in which you turned had taken them all by surprise. In your peripheral vision you could see the rest of them watching the exchange between the two of you.

The dark blonde collected himself and continued with a slightly less angry tone.

"These guys aren't good enough for you. It's just like San said, they only want one thing."

From the corner of your eye you saw San bristle slightly as if he really didn't want to be brought into this now.

"That's my decision to make, though, isn't it Jongho?" You hadn't softened much towards him - now you were free you didn't need another man telling you what to do.

"I know, I'm sorry..." He continued, more softly now, "...but you shouldn't be with guys like that."

"And you know exactly who I should be with?" You asked, sarcasm in your tone. "By all means tell me because I can't see men lining up to date me."

"Me."

"What?"

"You should be with me. I really like you, Y/N."

You stood in silence, trying to make sense of what he just said. Your mind recalled all the things you had previously dismissed as nonsense. Hongjoong telling you outright that Jongho liked you. Yeosang and Wooyoung teasing him about you. Had it not just been baseless teasing? He actually liked you?

Of course he doesn't like you. Who would want you?

"You don't like me." You said shaking your head. You didn't want to believe it because you couldn't trust it.

"I do. Let me show you." Jongho took a step closer and out of habit you fliched away from the closeness.

"What are you doing?" Slight alarm laced your tone.

"I'm going to kiss you." His tone added the silent 'of course'.

You froze at the words and Jongho noticed. It was out of surprise but he must've thought you didn't want him to as he started to look unsure of himself.

"If you don't want me to, all you have to do is say."

He paused, waiting for a 'no' that was never going to come. As much as you feared this was all some elaborate joke, you really did want this.

Hearing no protests, Jongho lifted his hands and placed them gently on the sides of your neck, his thumbs resting on your cheeks. Slowly he leaned down and pulled you closer. As you closed your eyes you prayed this was real and you weren't going to hear them all burst into laughter at any minute but before your fears could be realised, you felt Jongho's lips touch yours.

They were softer than you had imagined - and you had imagined it - and for someone so strong, he was remarkably gently. You could feel that he was being cautious as he didn't try to deepen the kiss, he just pulled back ever so slightly then reconnected, his lips moving softly against yours. When he did pull back to end the kiss, you kept your eyes closed a moment longer, not wanting it to end.

When you did open them you looked up at Jongho to find him looking back at you. He was searching your face for any sign that that wasn't what you had wanted and after a few moments  he was satisfied he could see nothing and gave you a small, somewhat shy smile. Obviously having heard something behind him over the music, his smile disappeared and was replaced by a look of annoyance. Following where he looked you saw the seven other boys all looking at the two of you with varied emotions on their faces, ranging fron happiness and surprise to approval. They had all known he liked you while you had stubbornly refused to see it - even when you were told outright.

Jongho turned back to you with a softer look, "You wanna go somewhere quieter - away from everyone else?"

"Yeah...that'd be nice."

Jongho took your hand in his larger one and led you out of the club. He had touched you before, of course, but only when correcting your stance during workouts. This felt different. It made your heard beat faster and gave you butterflies..

You briefly looked behind you to the others, noting that they looked slightly disappointed that you were both going but they'd get over it.

You and Jongho ended up back in the same coffee shop that first time. It was late, though, so you had the whole place to yourselves. Despite that being the first time you had properly talked alone with him, this was much more nerve-wracking. This wasn't a situation you'd have thought would ever happen. Despite what had just happened in the club you still couldn't let go of your fear. It was as instinctive reaction for you now, to just assume the worst about everything and everybody no matter how good they seemed to be. Just like right now you were quite aware that the both of you had been drinking - had that played a part for him? Would he have kissed you if he hadn't been? And would he think it was a mistake tomorrow?

The butterflies flew around wildly as the dark blonde boy made his way back to the table with the drinks. As he placed the tray down on the table you saw he had also bought a slice of red velvet cake like last time and he smiled as he placed it down. You wondered if he was trying to recreate it that first 'date' of sorts. It had felt special to you - maybe he had felt the same.

Your thoughts were flying as wildly as the butterflies in your stomach, going from hopeful that Jongho really did like you to fear that he was going to say it was just because he had been drinking and he'd got carried away.

Sitting there you'd realised the full extent of your feelings for Jongho...did he feel the same? The look in his eyes was soft as he looked at you and smiled. God, you hoped this meant what you wanted it to. Either way, it looked like you were about to find out as he opened his mouth to speak...

[glimmerglanger]

Whumptober2020 - Day 10

We’re almost a third of the way through Whumptober! On to part 10 of the oof!au, and over the crest of the wave into trauma mixed with the promise of recovery! I’ll be playing in this au for most of the coming week. They’ve got a long road towards healing.

General Info: Post Order 66 Vader-Captures-Obi-Wan AU. Eventual happy(ish) ending. Past/eventual Codywan. Previous one-sided Vaderwan.

WARNINGS: Relatively minor for this part. Discussion of injuries, fall-out from mind control and torture. References to character death. Considerations of suicide.

No 7. I’VE GOT YOU 

Support | Carrying | Enemy to Caretaker

Cody gestured at the troopers around the room to secure their chipped brothers. They had time to get to the hangar bay, he’d made sure of that, but not an indefinite amount. Leave things too long, and the possibility had existed that Skywalker would have beaten them and had time to undo the explosives.

The entire complex was going into the lava below. Even if they’d lost, even if they’d all died, Cody had made sure they were taking Skywalker with them.

The fact that they’d all lived through it still felt hard to process. Cody didn’t try. There were other tasks in front of him, things he needed to do. He focused on them, to the exclusion of all else. He had to get Obi-Wan out - get his men out - get them to the ship and away.

“Get to the hangar,” he snapped, moving across the floor to crouch by Obi-Wan, ignoring the agony in his side, the warm wetness of blood flowing under his armor. Obi-Wan was still sprawled against the far wall, collar a few feet away, where Skywalker had tossed him like a broken doll. He was breathing, shakily, bloody and trembling as Cody hesitated, all hopes that Obi-Wan would be able to walk out on his own dissolving into nothing.

Half the room had fallen on him. He’d pushed most of it aside with the Force, but not all of it. Cody had felt something tearing in his chest as it came down on him, felt himself breathe again only with the smoke cleared and Obi-Wan was revealed, on his knees, determination in every line of his face.

Determination only took you so far. He looked at Obi-Wan, slumped against the wall, panting, and knew it wasn’t taking Obi-Wan to the hangar.

Someone needed to carry him out. Someone--

Cody started to reach out, and froze, remembering the crack of Obi-Wan’s voice, the way he’d flinched and tried to get away, and--

Obi-Wan looked up at him, eyes dazed and unfocused, face streaked with both blood and tears. There was no relief on his features - not like the first time he’d seen Cody, there in Skywalker’s cruel care, their reunion had been a spoiled, awful thing - only exhaustion and pain as he gasped, “Cody. You’re--you again?”

Cody’s gut turned over, agony lancing through him that Obi-Wan’s first question would be concern for him, after what he’d done. He managed to find his voice, through the horror and anger inside his head. He rasped out, “Yes. We’re free. You’re free. He’s dead.”

He watched Obi-Wan freeze, just go still all over, breath catching and holding. Cody  watched relief pass over Obi-Wan’s expression and a deep, terrible grief, at the same time. He was bleeding, hurt. So terribly, because Cody hadn’t moved fast enough, hadn’t-- he swallowed. His guilt needed to wait. “I’m going to get you out of here. Can I--” He stretched out a hand again, fingers curling back before he touched Obi-Wan’s shoulder.

Obi-Wan didn’t flinch back from him. Cody wasn’t sure how he managed that. He only rasped, his voice cracking, “Please do.”

Cody couldn’t manage to speak around the tightness of his throat. He shifted a little closer, cautiously, trying to find a spot of skin that looked undamaged to touch, hesitating to touch at all, remembering, with a sudden lurch of his gut, gripping at Obi-Wan’s skin, holding him down, and--

Obi-Wan made a ragged sound and moved, lifting his right arm and curling his hand around Cody’s shoulder and--and the initiation of the touch unlocked something in Cody’s head. Obi-Wan’s breath was ragged and hitching. He was shuddering all over. And Cody could do nothing else but wrap an arm around him, and then slide the other under his legs, holding him carefully, both wishing he weren’t wearing his armor - the edges had to be cutting against Obi-Wan’s bare skin - and so grateful that Obi-Wan had more layers between them.

“It’s alright,” Cody said, unable to stop the words from bursting out. “You’re safe now.”

Obi-Wan gasped, making an effort to raise his head and then giving it up with a pained sound, cheek still resting on Cody’s shoulder. Cody didn’t know how he could bear it, how Obi-Wan could stand to touch him, but… Cody stood, lifting Obi-Wan easily - he’d wasted away, in Skywalker’s care, or possibly even before - and turned to look at the rest of the troopers, those who had waited to escort them to the hangar.

Cody couldn’t fathom even the idea of handing Obi-Wan over to any of them. As much as it hurt to lift him, as much as it pulled things inside his damaged side, as much as disgust tried to kick up through his chest, he… he didn’t want anyone touching Obi-Wan, ever again.

“I don’t,” Obi-Wan rasped, in his arms, shivering all over, “feel so well.”

Cody swallowed, nodded his brothers forward and fell into step with them. He didn’t feel so well, either. Light-headed. But he could work around that. The droids had said Obi-wan had internal injuries. Who knew how badly he’d aggravated them, in the fight. Who knew if Skywalker had hurt him before Cody showed up. Who--  “We’re going to get you help,” Cody said. “You just - just rest. Pass out, if you need to. I’ve got you.”

He’d carried Obi-Wan unconscious body through these halls before, after all. None of his brothers had ever looked askance about it. They’d just stared forward, for all that Cody knew they must have been screaming inside their heads, the same way he’d been.

“Might, ah, just do that,” Obi-Wan rasped, a thread of sharp humor in his tone that cut down Cody’s spine. He swallowed, heavily, when Obi-Wan stifled a sound, agonized, as the base shook with another explosion and Cody jarred him. Cody fought not to swear.

“I’m sorry,” he rasped out, instead, meaning about so much more than any inadvertent harm he was doing. 

Obi-Wan said nothing, breath uneven as he turned his head back and forth on Cody’s shoulder. And Cody could only swallow, wishing he could wrap Obi-Wan up, wishing he could bandage Obi-Wan’s hurts, heart tripping over when he felt Obi-Wan go limp in his arms, blackness mercifully swallowing him up for a while.

Cody walked through the halls with his back straight, looking directly ahead, bleeding under his armor. He passed the medbay, kept going, straight for the hangar, for the end of all of his plans, for freedom and safety and his men.

“Sir,” Fret said, as Cody climbed the ramp into the ship they had made theirs. He fell into step beside Cody, gaze falling worried to Obi-Wan’s limp form and staying there. “The chipped are safely in their quarters, sir. They didn’t put up a fuss. Bones says he can keep working on them here.”

“Good,” Cody said, ignoring the dizziness moving through his head. He - probably - should have let someone else carry Obi-Wan. But he couldn’t bear the thought. Couldn’t make himself take the sensible path forward. Besides, they were almost to the med bay.

“He’s alright?” Fret asked, his tone clipped and anxious, a muscle jumping in his jaw.

“He will be,” Cody said, words like a promise. He’d make them true, somehow. Obi-Wan deserved to be alright again, after - after all of their failures. And if it meant Cody couldn’t find a useful airlock right away, that was fine.

He’d wait, until he was sure Obi-Wan was recovered.

And then he’d do whatever else needed done.

They reached the medbay as Cody felt the ship lift off the ground. They’d only been waiting for him, apparently.  “Probably going to get bumpy,” he told Obi-Wan, who did not stir, his expression gone lax, his skin too pale, his breathing shallow. He was, Cody had a feeling, hurt badly on the inside, where Cody couldn’t even see, and--

And Bones stepped forward, turning away from a discussion he’d been having with concern written all over his expression. “Commander?” he asked, and Cody jerked a step back when Bones reached out, as though intending to just--touch Obi-Wan. Put hands on him.

Bones’ gaze jerked to meet his, held for a moment, before Cody managed to unclench his jaw, to remind himself that it hadn’t been Bones who nearly beat Obi-Wan to death. It hadn’t been Bones who held Obi-Wan down and--

Cody gritted out, forcing his voice to steadiness, “He’s hurt. Badly.”

“He’s not the only one,” Bones said, tone sharp, and, when Cody only glared at him, he added, “Bring him here.” He gestured to one of the beds, and Cody limped over to it, bending to gently deposit Obi-Wan on the sheets. Obi-Wan made a soft little sound, pained, and Cody wanted to brush back his hair, wanted to hold his hand, but--he jerked back a step, instead, listening to Bones bark orders that seemed to be coming from further and further away.

He took another step back and wavered on his feet, looking down at his body, finally. There was blood, smeared all down his side and right leg. Quite a lot of it, he thought, dizzily, was not Obi-Wan’s.

“--said how are you?” Bones asked, suddenly gripping Cody’s arm, concern in his expression.

Cody shook his head, made to step back again, and his leg went out from under him. He said, sitting on the ground, “Take care of the General.” That was what mattered. They needed to make Obi-Wan well. Everything else, all the rest of his objectives he’d achieved, he realized, as he felt the hyperdrive engines kick on from somewhere far away.

He’d killed Skywalker.

Freed his brothers. 

Returned them to the stars.

Gotten back control of his own body.

It almost felt like a dream come true, but he knew, too well, the grip of the nightmare around his throat. It tightened, his vision darkening, as Bones yelled something urgent from a great distance. 

Cody blinked and realized he was looking up at the ceiling. There were hands pulling at his armor. His brother’s hands, and their voices overhead, tight with concern. “Leave it,” he said, trying to push them away as his world went grey around the edges and then to nothingness.

[iamvegorott]

Operation Love Bus Part 2

Picture provided by @theprinceofflies

First Day 

“Say cheese~” Jackie sang as he snapped a picture of Wilford and JJ. “Man, this thing is so cool.” He chuckled as he took out the picture from the old-fashioned camera and watched the image slowly develop. “Wait, Wilford, you’re not that tall,” Jackie commented when he saw the picture.

“Why were you on a box?” JJ asked, managing to see the box before it was suddenly gone.

“Whatever do you mean?” Wilford popped his lips and took off for the RV. 

“I still can’t believe he’s convinced everyone to do this,” Jackie said as he handed JJ back his camera. “I wonder what he actually has planned.” 

“Whatever do you mean?” JJ awkwardly signed.

“JJ-”

“Bye!” JJ took off just like Wilford did and went to the front of the RV, getting a nice picture of it. 

“Egos of all shapes and sizes!” Wilford called from the open door of the RV, standing on the first step into it. “Everything has been packed except for you! Come aboard and let this adventure begin!” Wilford went the rest of the way into the RV, Robbie, and Blank excitedly following him in while most of the others weren’t looking the most...thrilled about this trip. 

“There are only nine beds, there’s eighteen of us.” Mad commented after looking around. 

“Right you are.” Wilford bounced over and gestured towards the beds. “We needed room for a proper bathroom and a little kitchen area so the buddies will be sharing beds-” Wilford paused while protests were either said or shouted. “-each bed has been labeled by your one and only JJ and remember. We have our buddy-system for safety.” Wilford continued and made his way to the front of the RV. 

“It’s for the kids,” Dark said to himself.

“These are pretty comfy,” Robbie said, climbing into his and Blank’s bunk. 

“Really?” Blank crawled in as well, the two feeling like there were in a wooden tent. 

“Looks like we’ll be sleeping together,” Phantom said with a chuckle to Jackie. 

“Y-Yeah.” Jackie scratched his cheek to hide the slight blush on his face. 

“Alright, sports, pop a squat while I get us going.” Wilford sat himself down in the driver’s spot, putting on his seatbelt. “Won’t take long to get us to a highway and then you’ll be good to move as needed.” 

“How long is it going to take to get to the first place?” Mare asked as he and everyone else sat down, JJ going to the front seat next to Wilford. 

“Won’t be till tomorrow,” Wilford answered, turning the RV on. 

“Wait, it’s going to take a literal day?” Anti groaned. “That’s so boring.” 

“There isn’t much where we live.” Bing shrugged as the RV took off. “All the really fun stuff takes time to get to.” 

“Why are we using an RV then? Most of us can teleport and we can take the ones that can’t.” Anti continued his pout. 

“That’s not as fun.” Yandere said.

“And neither is being in an RV for a whole day.”

“Don’t worry, we’ll make it fun.” Wilford chuckled. 

“I don’t know if I like the sound of that,” Edward said. 

“Just give me a few minutes.” Wilford waved a hand. 

Everyone found themselves soon just chatting amongst each other, getting comfortable in their spots, and having plenty of laughs shared between them all. Eventually, they were flying down the highway and the RV was fairly steady. JJ got up with his camera and headed back to the others, showing that it was all good to move around. 

“Now, let’s get the party really started.” Wilford reached up and turned on one of the many different kinds of media players above him. 

“Oh!” Anti and Phantom perked up from the song that played. The two shared a look and a grin before they jumped to their feet and started dancing together. 

“There are children here.” Chase scolded while covering Robbie’s eyes. 

“I’m sixteen, dad!” Robbie protested while Blank was also trying to get Mare’s hands off his own eyes.

“Still underage,” Mare added. 

“I’m not!” Marvin laughed and got up, joining Anti and Phantom in their dancing. Chase went still when Marvin started moving his hips. 

“You’re drooling.” Mare teased. 

“Shut up,” Chase said way too quickly.

“And so are you,” Mad said to Jackie, using a hand to close Jackie’s open mouth.

“No-I-I-uh-” Jackie cleared his throat but didn’t try to say anything.

“Come on, Bim.” Yandere pulled Bim to his feet and they spun in circles together. 

JJ giggled at the plan working out a lot more than expected but stopped when he noticed what Dark was doing. He wasn’t watching the show at all and was typing on his phone, probably answering emails he’s supposed to be ignoring. JJ started to get up to tell Dark no but Anti spoke first.

“JJ, take a picture!” Anti posed with Phantom and Marvin. 

“This is a family-friendly scrapbook.” JJ stuck his tongue out. 

“It won’t be family-friendly when I get that camera.” Anti glitched over but JJ knew what was going to happen and easily avoided him, rushing over to the front of the RV and sitting in the passenger seat. “Re-” Anti stopped when he ran into an invisible wall that was at a yellow line on the ground. 

“Can’t bother the driver, Anti.” Wilford chuckled. 

“I’ll get that camera later.” Anti stuck his own tongue out while JJ did the same again. 

The rest of the first day on the road consisted mostly of some dancing with a good handful of the Egos and even some sing-alongs. Eventually, they grew bored of the music and Wilford explained how to use large TV and everyone settled down to enjoy the movies and shows.

JJ used his camera to get a picture of the bunk beds and one of Wilford driving. JJ found himself studying that photo a lot longer than planned when it fully developed, it was strangely...poetic how Wilford’s face was when he was focused. His face was fully relaxed, a slight tilt to his head, and his eyes stared off at what he was looking at, in the present but not really. 

The final picture of the day was one of Robbie and Blank. Robbie had fallen asleep against Blank and when JJ came over with the camera, Blank gave a smile. JJ noticed how the smile immediately went away when the picture was taken. Blank swallowed thickly and was trying his best to keep his leg still, most likely not wanting his bouncing to wake up Robbie. He was anxious or nervous about something and he knew it wasn’t from Robbie being on him, they’ve slept like this since they were little kids. JJ slipped over towards Mare, made sure his back was to Blank so he couldn’t see his hands, and told him that Blank was struggling and might need to be checked on. Mare thanked him with a nod and went over to the teens. 

x~x~x

The sun had been down for hours and the moon was just a sliver in the sky. Wilford finally reached the stop that would allow him to go to sleep as well, the others have been silent for a long time, leaving him alone with just the road and his thoughts. Not his best place to be. 

Wilford yawned as he turned the RV off and got out of the seat, groaning as he stretched from driving for way too long in one go. He should have taken Dark’s offer to drive for a bit, but he wanted Dark to not worry about it at first. His plans made sure he’d had breaks from driving and knew which Egos would offer or agree to take over the driving. 

“Mare?” Wilford said when he saw that Mare was also awake, standing next to the bed where Jackie and Phantom were sleeping with something in his hand. “What are you doing?” 

“I…” Mare sighed, there was no use in lying to Wilford, it never worked out. “Don’t tell anyone else, but Phantom’s prone to nightmares when he sleeps away from his usual place. He’s like Blank and the change in environment throws him off but it really only hurts him when he’s sleeping since he can’t control anything.” Mare held up what he was holding and Wilford saw what looked like a large Lego with a string. “I’ve tied one of these to his wrist ever since I found out about this. Chewing on the…‘lego’ helps relax him.” 

“Does Phantom know?” 

“He does...but we never talk about it.” 

“Why not?” 

“It’s embarrassing.” Mare gently tied the string, using his finger to make sure it wasn’t too tight. 

“Embarrassing? You’re making sure your brother’s okay.” 

“I’m babying him. We’re both fully grown and he doesn’t need me to always take care of him but I just...I can’t help myself. I want him to be okay.” 

“You love him, there’s nothing wrong with loving someone,” Wilford added with a little gesture of his head towards where Mad was asleep. 

“Make sure you take your own advice, Wilford.” Mare popped his lips, ignoring Wilford’s movement, and went back to his bed. Wilford just made a face, not understanding what Mare meant. 

He then shrugged it off before going for his own bed, crawling in and seeing that JJ was curled up toward the wall, mouth parted as he softly breathed. Wilford smiled when he saw that JJ was cuddling one of the extra pillows, hugging it to his chest. Wilford tried his best to lay down on his back as slowly as possible, going still when JJ flipped over and was now facing Wilford. Wilford’s heart did a little flutter when JJ’s hands reached out and ended up holding to his arm, his unconscious mind just wanting more to hold. Wilford adjusted himself so that he was still on his back comfortably and JJ was able to fully hold his arm, pressing his forehead against his upper arm. 

“Night, JJ,” Wilford whispered, and closed his eyes, drifting off to sleep. 

-------------------------------------------------------

Original Drawing Post: Link

Part 3: TBD

Part 1: Link

Tag List (let me know if you want added or if your name has changed)

@rainymae523​ @thesinginggal​ @ashywasteland93​ @shadowkitten0321​ @m0th-goo​