#i actually thought it would take longer cuz i had no motivation

[heartz4shauna]

everything good happens after midnight ᯓᡣ𐭩

pairing: art donaldson x popstar!reader

warnings: divorced art, mentions of a failed marriage, lily lowkey being cupid, alcohol use, small timeskips, set in 2019, minor swearing, small age gap (r is 24, art is 31), forced proximity?, tension, making out, slight height difference (not specified), written kinda weird i dunno how to explain it, unironic use of the word ‘girlboss’, not proofread

word count: 4.3k

a/n: be a freak in the club !!! ty chappell roan for the inspo xxx also please don’t flame me for this guys. i’ve never written a full fic for a man b4, had to google some words, had to pull out my pinterest board titled ‘writing stuff’ for this one, my longest fic ever!!! let’s clap xx

disclaimer: i am a minor, if what i write makes you uncomfortable knowing that i’m a minor dni!!! don’t complain to me because i can do what i want okay thank you bye x

The time on your phone read 8:27P.M. You sat backstage, fixing up your makeup and warming up your voice for the show you were about to start. All you could hear from the crowd behind the curtain was screams and chatter.

Your manager came up to you at your vanity, he cleared his throat before he spoke, “On in two minutes.” You looked back at him and gave him a nod as you stood up, flattening your short leather skirt and most beautifully designed corset.

Your manager came back to you, microphone in hand and gave it to you, “You got it, you’ll be great.” He gave you a wink and you nodded, walking onto the stage.

As you stepped out onto the stage you put on your persona, that bubbly, energetic singer that all of your fans knew and loved. You waved to the huge crowd of people and spoke into the microphone loudly, “How are we doing tonight?!”

All around you, you heard cheers and screams which made you smile. You waited a minute for the cheers to die down before you spoke again, “y’know, that’s real good to hear. It’s my first show here, did you know that?” you asked the crowd. You heard replies of “no!” and “really?!” You nodded, a cheeky grin on your face, “I know, I know. But, that’s a good thing. I’ve got a real special show prepared for y’all tonight,” you announced to the crowd, pacing around the stage slowly.

Cheers instantly filled your ears, fans excited to see what you had to show them. One fan in particular, a tall man with blonde hair caught your eye. He was smiling down at someone shorter, maybe his daughter, and pointed at the stage, telling her what was happening. You nodded to yourself, “alright! Well, I can tell you all we’re gonna start with a banger. Not that I’m biased or anything..” you mumbled into the microphone which caused the venue to erupt in laughter. As your band was already on stage, the instrumental to a popular song of yours began playing and you smiled, “I hope y’all know this one. I’d be embarrassed if you didn’t,” you winked just before you counted yourself into the song.

2 HOURS LATER

“You guys were such an amazing crowd, I’m so glad this was my first show here! Y’all really didn’t hold back on that last song,” you chuckled as you spoke to the crowd. You reached for your bottle of water and sipped from it, rubbing your neck, “hey! I may or may not be doing merch signing at the back exit..” you whispered into the microphone, wiggling your eyebrows, “be there!” Now, that wasn’t entirely true. Sure, you wanted to do a signing after your show but was it planned? No.. But, in your defence you wanted to see if that blonde guy would come to the back, exchange numbers maybe… Huh? Who are you kidding, he probably has a wife! Who’s also probably waiting for them at home, it is pretty late. You checked your watch; 10:38P.M. Probably way past their daughters bed time, too. Gosh.

You waved goodbye to the crowd, blowing kisses. As soon as you got backstage you tried to find your manager. Where was he? Right. Where he always is, the bar backstage. Better not talk to him while he was drunk, so you told your assistant manger instead. Sweet girl, unfortunate she’s a lower rank than that asshole of a man. “Hey, love. Um, I know we have to get going back to the hotel soon, but I told the crowd I was signing stuff at the back exit. Can you cover for me if Sam asks?”

Your assistant manager nodded, writing what you said down on her clipboard, “got it. Why can’t you talk to him yourself, though? Just wondering, it’s not an attack on you,” she asked with a chuckle. You sighed, looking down at your feet, “He’s in the bar. He’s probably drunk. I don’t wanna have to deal with him right now.” Your assistant manager nodded, clapping you on the back, “not a problem. I’ll go talk to him,” and with that, she left you. All you had to do now was say hi to a few people, sign some things and be on your way.

You made your way to the back exit of the venue, weaving in and out through wires and auxiliaries. Pushing the fire exit open, you were met with tens of smiling faces, pens at the ready. Oh, alright. Tonight’s gonna be a long night. Squeals could probably be heard from states away as you made eye contact with a few fans. “Oh, my God! Can you sign this for me please?!” Pens and paper were pushed into your face, barely getting any room to breathe. A security guard would be nice right about now, you thought.

You took a deep breath before you spoke, almost shouting, “sorry, if you would like me to sign something or take a photo, please be patient. There’s a lot of y’all, and one of me. Imma take my time with all of y’all, make it special. Is that alright?”

You were met with nods and replies of “yes!”, “sorry!” and “alright!” You sighed in relief, “Okay, good. If you want, you can form a line.” Fans struggled against each other, pushing and shoving to be first in line. Surprisingly, a small teenage girl made it first in line, despite the shoving. You smiled brightly at her, making casual conversation, “hi, what’s your name?” She replied in a whisper, “it’s Julianne.” You nodded, humming, “that’s a beautiful name. Do you want to take a photo or do you want me to sign something for you?” Julianne nodded, her hands quickly going to her pockets for her phone. “Can we take a picture?” she asked kindly and you replied, “of course we can, sweetie,” with a chuckle.

She opened up the camera app and readied herself for the photo, posing casually. You followed her lead, a peace sign on your fingers as you winked at the camera. As soon as the picture was taken she quickly turned back to you, hugging you. “Oh!” you almost yelped, obviously not expecting the sudden embrace, but hugged her back anyway. “It was great to meet you,” you whispered to her before she waved goodbye and left.

45 MINUTES LATER

After making your way through almost every fan, you were left standing with two people. A little girl and her father, the tall blonde man who had caught your eye. You smiled at the pair, “last two, huh?” you chuckled. “Anything to sign?” The man nodded, “she’s a little shy,” he gestured to his daughter, “she’s always talking about you at home,” he added with a chuckle. “Anyway, could you sign this?” he asked, grabbing what looked like a CD case out of a backpack slung over his daughters shoulder. He handed you the case, “don’t ask.”

You looked down at the case in your hands and your eyes brightened, “Spiderverse? I like that movie too,” you said to the little girl. You pulled out the Sharpie from your hair, conveniently hidden away, and pressed it to the case. Fuck. It’s wasted. Your face dropped in embarrassment, “I’m so sorry,” you chuckled lightheartedly, “my pen’s wasted. Have either of y’all got one?”

The man sighed heavily, “I’ve got one in the car. I’ll go get it, I’ll be right back, sweetie,” he told his daughter before he jogged away to his car. You looked down at the girl, “what’s your name?” you asked curiously, she looked up at you, her big brown eyes shining, “Lily.” You nodded, “that’s a beautiful name, Lily. What about your dad, do you know his name?” Lily nodded, “mhm. His name is Art.” You chuckled, not expecting such a name. “Wow, cool name, huh?”

Art returned, pen in his hand. “Here you go,” he smiled, handing the pen to you. You took it, popped off the cap and quickly signed the case. Lily took the case from your hands, a great big smile on her face, “thank you!” Art smiled down at her, and then at you, “thank you so much,” he said, taking the pen from you. “Hey, just out of curiosity, what hotel are you staying at tonight?” Art asked you, taking his daughter’s hand in his, “we could give you a ride. If we’re lucky enough, we might be staying in the same place.” You thought to yourself, do I let this hot man I don’t know bring me back to my hotel, leaving my team completely unaware as to where I am or do I decline and leave with my team? Tricky question.. You shrugged, “I’m staying at the Black Bird Plaza, do you know it?” Arts face lit up and he chuckled, “yeah, I do. We’re staying there as well.”

Your eyes widened slightly, “oh, wow. Y’all are lucky, huh?” Art nodded, a smirk on his face, “do you wanna get a drink at the bar?” Never one to say no to a drink, you nodded. “Great! Guess I’ll be your chauffeur for tonight,” he added.

“C’mon,” he said finally as he began walking to his car and you followed. “Are y’all from around here? I assume not.” Art shook his head, “no, we’re not from here. A few states over. Lily saw you weren’t coming to our city, so we traveled.” You chuckled, respecting the dedication, “big fan.” “You have no idea,” he replied.

Art unlocked his car and opened the door for you, “thank you,” you smiled, sitting in the passenger seat. Buckling yourself in, he helped Lily into the back, “do you need help putting on your seatbelt or are you good?” Lily declined, buckling her own seatbelt like the girlboss that she is. Art nodded, and got into the drivers seat.

10 MINUTES LATER

Art parked his car in the hotel parking lot and helped both you and Lily out of the car. You checked your watch, 11:25 P.M. You turned to Art as you all entered the lobby, “wouldn’t the bar be closed by now?” you asked. He shook his head, pressing the button for the elevator, “don’t worry about it. I’m liked around here.” You laughed at his certainty, “alright then.” The three of you entered the elevator as the doors opened, “Lily, we’re gonna sit at the bar for.. maybe an hour, okay? I’ll turn on the T.V. for you, just don’t leave the room and don’t open the door for anyone, got it?”

Lily nodded, “mhm. Can I have a snack from the mini fridge?” Art looked at you and you both chuckled, “of course you can, sweetie,” he told Lily. He pulled his room key out of his pocket when the elevator doors opened. Two young ladies were standing, waiting for the elevator and saw you. Their faces instantly lit up, “Oh. My. God!” one of the girls chuckled out, “can we get a picture?” You nodded, selling out of the elevator, “of course!” Art and Lily followed, he nudged you, “gonna go to the room. We’re in room 276.” You nodded, and just as he was going to leave one of the girls spoke tremulously, “wait! You, too. You’re my dad’s favourite tennis player, he’d be so stoked to know I met him.”

Your eyebrows creased together as you looked back at him, “tennis player?” He shrugged, an awkward smile on his face, “yeeeah?” He walked back over to you and the girls, leaving Lily to fend for herself and smiled for the pictures. The girls giddily spoke to each other after the pictures, “this has to go onto my Instagram. My actual popstar idol and a super hot tennis player? I’ll literally go viral.” You and Art shared a glance and knowingly smiled at each other.

The girls entered the elevator, still excitedly chatting. You noticed that Lily wasn’t next to Art anymore, “oh, no. Where did Lily go?” Art brushed you off, “she’s probably already waiting for us outside the room. She’s used to having a famous dad,” he gloated sarcastically. “Uh-huh,” you nodded with a scoff.

You followed him back to his room where Lily was standing safe and sound, she leaned her head against the door tiredly. Art rapped on the door, “wake up, Lily.” She lifted her head up from the door, “I’m awake, dad.” He unlocked the door and pushed it open. Lily ran in and sat in front of the mini fridge, rummaging through the snacks. Art allowed you inside before he followed. You glanced around the room, pretty big room for two people, you thought. Lily picked out her snack and walked over to Art, “I’m gonna have this one.” He looked down at her and nodded, “go ahead.” She gave him a hug and he kissed her gently on the cheek, “you going to bed?” he asked her and she nodded. “Good. It’s way past your bedtime,” he responded lightly. “We’re going to the bar, we’ll be back up soon, okay? Love you.” They waved goodbye and you both left the room.

Art began walking down the hall and you asked him, “you can trust her to set her sleep there alone?” He nodded, pressing the elevator button, “she’s a big girl. She’ll be safe, don’t worry.”

The doors opened slowly and you stepped inside. Art looked at you curiously as he followed you, “you are over 21, aren’t you?” You chuckled, “you didn’t do your research. I’m 24, so yeah. I’m legal.” Art scoffed, “alright, sue me. I just wanted to make sure, okay?” The doors closed and suddenly you felt claustrophobic. No, the elevator wasn’t small, there was enough room to breathe. So, why couldn’t you? Was it the fact that you were in a concealed space with a super hot dilf- I mean, super cool tennis player? Shit, probably. You looked at your watch to try and calm your nerves, you seemed to do that a lot. The time was 11:48 P.M.

You scratched your neck before speaking, “I didn’t bring my purse. You are planning on paying for these drinks right?” He frowned mockingly, “oh. Well, I guess you can just go back to your room.” You let out a sigh of relief, “yeah, okay. Just checking.” “It’s only gentlemanly,” he started, “how should I ask a pretty woman out to drinks and not pay? That’s just rude.”

You scoffed, ignoring just how flustered that statement made you, “oh, nice. Smooth, even.” The doors creaked open and he stepped out, shrugging, “I thought that was good,” his words echoed through the empty lobby. The sound of your heels on the marble floor mocked his words as they echoed after him.

The elevator was only a few steps away from the bar and yet it felt miles away. Once you crossed the threshold you sighed with relief, a heavy weight taken off your shoulders suddenly. Art guided you to a small table next to a window, the lights dim and seats soft. You gave him a smile, “what do you drink?” he asked. Oh. What do you drink? Did you know you’ve been sober for over a year? Now you know! “Just get me a whiskey coke,” you blurted out. He raised an eyebrow at you, “you sure that’s what you want?” You shook your head, a frown on your face, “I dunno, get me something sweet, I guess.”

He gave you a nod, “you got it.” He walked over to the bar and leaned on his elbows as he spoke to the barman. What you heard could only be described as ‘acquaintances who have a semi mutual friend who is never around so conversation is hard to get flowing and is usually awkward. so, communication is normally short nods, mumbles and thanks’. He came back over to the table, two drinks in hand; a beer and a… Shirley Temple? Your eyebrows creased as you looked up at him, “seriously?” He waved you off, “Dirty Shirley,” he claimed, setting the drinks onto the table. “Oh.” You grabbed your drink and sipped it cautiously, he took a seat opposite you.

You tasted the drink warily, and nodded to yourself. “It’s good,” you mumbled. He snickered, “it’s just a Shirley with vodka, it’s nothing special.” You shrugged, swallowing a sip, “so? It’s good. What’d you get?” You turned his beer bottle to face you, ‘Carlsberg’ is what the label read. “Any good?” you asked him. “It’s fine, used to drink it in college.” Ah. You nodded, “nostalgic, huh?” He shrugged, “I guess.”

Suddenly, a few questions popped into your head. “Should’ve asked this earlier, how old are you?” He sighed, setting down his beer, cleared his throat, “32.” You nodded, kind of expecting him to be older, “alright, not bad,” you half-shrugged. “Do you.. have a wife?” He froze up a little. Oh. “Uh, no.” Frown on your lips you asked, “really? You’re a good looking man and you’re an athlete, it’s kinda hard to believe,” you laughed softly. “Hm. Relationships don’t work out sometimes,” he replied, taking a swig of his beer. “Tell me about it,” you reciprocated, rolling your eyes.

He cleared his throat, trying to move from the subject, “anyway. You been singing long?” You sipped your drink before answering, “I guess, yeah. I was in choir in middle school, so. I’ve always had ‘the talent’, y’know? But, I’ve been a singer since.. what is it now? 2014? So, five years going strong, give or take a few months.” He grinned from ear to ear, clearly very impressed, “wow. Long time, huh? You don’t get bored?” You sipped your drink and squinted at him, shaking your head, “don’t you get bored of tennis?” He made an iffy face, as if he didn’t really know the answer to your question.

“Hmmmmm…” you hummed as you looked at him sideways, “we’re very different, I see.” Pretty much after gulping the rest of your drink down you asked him one more question, “how old is Lily?” “She’s 8,” Art answered with a stiff nod. “She’s a good kid. You’re a good dad, too.” Art made a somewhat uncomfortable noise but thanked you anyhow.

“Sorry, that was kinda sudden,” you chuckled. “That’s alright, I appreciate it. I’ll grab you another drink,” he responded, standing up from his seat. Another less than acquaintanced conversation between Art and the barman. Jeez. You could feel the anxiousness of the conversation from your seat.

He came back over, another Dirty Shirley in hand and gave it to you. “Thanks,” you began sipping your drink again. “Barman’s closing up in 5, you’ll have to drink that fast,” Art told you lingering at the table, rather than sitting down. He picked up his beer and started drinking it a little faster than what would be considered a ‘normal’ beer drinking pace. You gave a nod and started uncomfortably gulping down your drink. You placed the glass on the table once you finished, fishing for the maraschino cherry at the bottom.

You got up from the table, pushing your chair in before you left the bar. Walking back to the elevator you tried to make conversation with Art, “thanks for the drinks. Haven’t had one of those before, they’re good.” “Not a problem,” he replied, pressing the elevator button.

The doors opened instantly and you both stepped in, ladies first. The doors closed slowly as you stood face to face with him. The slight smell of alcohol filling the elevator was gross. Slightly intoxicating. The elevator stopped suddenly with a jolt. Art sighed, “we’re stuck.” You groaned, “seriously? Does this happen often?” He nodded, eyes widened slightly, “oh, yeah. Fantastic hotel, super old elevators. It’s sad.” “Is there an emergency bell for things like this?” You asked, examining the buttons which read: ‘0, 1, 2, 3, 4’. Four floors and no emergency button? Jesus Christ.

He shook his head, “nope. We just have to wait it out. Usually takes ten minutes for assistance.” You looked at your watch again, 12:07 P.M. What’s a better way to pass the time than make a move? Probably a lot. But that just didn’t register in the moment. You never really mastered the whole flirting thing, usually you weren’t the one to shoot your shot. Clearly, you liked this guy. Maybe he liked you, too? What’s an invite out to drinks with a stranger? Basically a date.

“You look nice,” you finally got out, looking at his shoes. His brows furrowed and he chuckled, “are you trying to make conversation or are you trying to flirt?” Fuck, he caught you out. Play it cool. “Uh, no. Obviously not, we’re just stuck here, in this elevator, and I noticed you look nice, is that okay?” You said quickly. Art chuckled, running a hand through his hair like the dream boat that he is- who said that? “Look, we both know why I invited you for a drink. I think you’re pretty fine, and I know you think the same about me,” he stated, giving you a look.

You squinted at him, “it’s rude that you think so highly of yourself..” your complaint was cut short as Art pressed his lips against your quickly which made your eyes widen to the heavens. He pushed himself away from you just as quickly as he pulled himself to you. “Sorry,” he mumbled with a chuckle, “I should’ve asked you.” You shook your head quickly before forcing your lips back onto his in a desperate attempt to feel what you felt when he first kissed you. Did that catch him off guard? No, not really. He knew you’d kiss him back anyway, he’s Art Donaldson, he does fine for himself and he knows it.

You pressed a kiss to his neck which caused a choked moan to escape his lips. Now, that caught you off guard. He plays tennis, he should have a lot of practice trying to keep grunts in when he plays, right? Maybe you’re just that good. Props to you. Well, now you knew; his neck is the Jackpot. So, you abused the fuck out of his neck. Not literally. But continuously kissing his neck, biting it even and hearing him whine did wonderful things for your ego.

His hands made their way to your waist and pulled you impossibly closer to him and you groaned as you took a breather, “your lips feel nice on mine,” you told him, a smirk playing on your lips. “Don’t be such a tease,” he warned breathlessly, to which you replied, “or what? You gonna whine again?” He rolled her eyes, his tongue prodding at his cheek in faux annoyance. You were about to kiss him again when the doors creaked open and outside stood a trio of firefighters who stared blankly at you both, “alright in here?” one of them asked to which Art replied with a nod. “We’re going up..” you mumbled, unsure of yourself. The firefighter who had spoken before nodded and said “should be safe. Have a good night.”

Art quickly pressed the button and the doors slammed shut. Giggles escaped you as the elevator began to move again to which Art nudged you. “What? That was pretty funny, don’t lie,” you responded to his antics. The elevator doors opened and alas, you finally made it to your floor. You held your hand out for him to take in which he obliges, following you out of the elevator like a dog on a leash.

He took the room key out of his pocket and unlocked the door slowly to not wake up Lily. You pushed the door to the master bedroom open and took off your heels, softly setting them down near a bedside table. Art walked in after you and sat on the bed, anxiously waiting for your next move. You left the room and entered the bathroom. You let the water run in the sink for about a minute before splashing your face with the cold water. Making an attempt to dry your face you ended up leaving a huge makeup stain on a towel. Oops.

While you were in the bathroom, you decided to take off your show outfit, leaving you in your bra and panties. Too little? Oh well. You left the bathroom, your clothes in a pile on the corner. Re-entering the bedroom, Art was still getting changed himself. You quickly left to give him some privacy and grabbed your phone from the bathroom sink, where you left it while getting changed. Knocking on the bedroom door softly, Art called back to you, “come in.”

He sat under the covers, his bare shoulders exposed which were covered in scars. Smiling at him, you climbed in next to him, placing your phone onto a bedside table. It lit up as it was placed, the clock read 12:36 P.M. He moved next to you, wrapping his arms around you as you shut your eyes.

9 HOURS LATER

You were awoke by the sound of your phone buzzing against the table, hundreds of notifications flooding your phone. Quickly, your eyes adjusted to the screen, images of you and Art with two fans in a hotel went viral, just like the lady said. Your manager spammed your phone, ‘are you serious? do you know what this could do for your image??? please tell me you didn’t sleep with him.’ You turned over and there Art was, completely sound asleep.

tags: @midwestprincesss @yourcoolguitargf

[idcpxseur]

so lets start from the beginning

so lets talk pdh, right? cuz thats the very beginning. for the most part, im planning to leave s1 of pdh alone aside from upping the intensity of the bullying (to make it more realistic) and just generally feel more like a teen slice of life drama rather than a harem anime where the protag chooses the shittiest love interest imaginable.

im also adding some mental health stuff just to generally make this more realistic! so lets get into it, this is the structure of my pdh rewrite!

Let's start with our leading lady, shall we?

Aphmau Shalashaska is a 14 year old freshman girl who has been homeschooled starting from fourth to eighth grade. She starts the series off as naive, though not as innocent as many people believe. She is known as the school's sweetheart, though many people suspect that she hides her intentions with a saccrine smile. To the people who know her, though, they know that her words are true and her motivations are pure. She is a light in many people's darkness, though her own world is casted in shadow...

basically i changed little to nothing about aphmau's character, aside from changing the years she was homeschooled. i decided to make her more sheltered but not completely sheltered.

i think i'm going to tweak her backstory to make it make more sense. i want her to actually (kind of) know about her father. he sends sylvanna (barely any) child support for her, to which sylvanna just gives it to aphmau directly because it isnt enough to actually do anything with.

im also going to ramp up the bullying and make it actually effect her and how she interacts with people, especially her love interests and friends.

the ending arc for aphmau in s1 is that she grows more confident and learns to rely on her friends when she's having difficulties with things. she wont end up with any of her love interests, but the trio end up extremely close. her and aaron will also end up extremely close and he will be introduced to the friendgroup (i dont like how theyre all kind of seperate) but he'll kind of be the "friend by proxy" because it will take a little longer for them to warm up (not anyone's fault, aaron is just... harder to befriend because he's an awkward dude)

as for her realtionships, here's my general plan for them (i had to split it up so aaron, laurence, and garroth under the cut!!)

Aaron

"It's weird. I thought those two hated each other. But now they seem inseparable. I just don't get it."

"Aaron? Yeah he's pretty weird. He has this whole dark and broody thing going on but he's such a squishy soul! He's like a pitbull! ...People think I hate him? Why would I hate my best friend?"

Aphmau is going to have more of a brother/sister relationship with aaron, they will NOT be the endgame ship of this rewrite. i detailed this in my pinned post, but i will reiterate: i do NOT like aarmau for the creepy, predatory way it is written. therefore i will just simply not include it in my rewrite. dont like it, dont have to read it <3

their story arc will stay largely the same. they meet online as FC/Shu (although i probably will change their nicknames because those are LAME) and meet irl in werewolf class. despite aaron defending her in person, they heavily dislike each other and bicker constantly. aph doesnt know she becomes the alpha female and aaron doesnt know that she is the girl that he's been talking to this whole time.

as FC and Shu they become thick as thieves, absolute partners in crime. they ARE aware of their age gap and there is no romantic feelings. they see each other as siblings and treat each other as such. they banter and bicker and fight but they genuinely care for each other. "i hate you, FC!!!" "i love you too, shu" becomes a daily part of their conversations.

Garroth

"He's so stoic, but around her... He becomes so gentle that it almost feels like he's a different person. She's his world."

"I think everyone but Aphmau herself sees the way he looks at her."

garroth is the first person to fall in love with aphmau. he stays quiet about his feelings for fear of ruining their friendship although he does quietly dream of something more.

garroth was always the first person that aphmau called on. his quiet and more serious demeanor was sought out as a comforting shoulder to listen to. before they knew that they were childhood friends, they had always described themselves as "platonic soulmates" (the word platonic made garroth internally wither and die but he kept that smile)

after, though? they were practically joined at the hip. partly because of their mothers and partly because they just wanted to. there was a select amount of boys that sylvanna allowed in her house (the only others being dante and travis, after many trials of proving that they ONLY have platonic feeligns for her daughter and NOTHING more) and the only boy that doesnt get her heavy surveillance

and that's how aphmau falls. breaking down his serious walls and getting to see his silly and goofy side that he keeps hidden made her fall before she even realized that she was falling

Laurence

"There he goes again, another girl wrapped around his finger."

"Laurence? He's so sweet and gentle! Sure, he's a big flirt, but he means well. I know that he would be by my side if I ever needed him."

if garroth's love is a gentle misty rain, laurence's is a fucking typhoon. strong and loud and passionate. he doesnt fall as fast. he even teases garroth about falling for someone so easily, but he very quickly learns why garroth fell so hard.

when laurence discovers his feelings, he immediately made it incredibly obvious. however, if aphmau flirted back, he'd become a blushing mess.

there was always boundaries with his flirting when they were friends. he never touched her, not in a way that could be seen as romantic. his hands always stayed firmly to themselves. but once he falls? he cant keep his hands off of her (nonsexually, obviously). constant shoulder touches, brushes of the hand that he plays off "oh aphmau if you wanted to hold my hand, you could've just asked!"

cupping her chin and cheeks, leaning in close so he gets an excuse to admire her face. the list goes on and on.

aphmau notices this, but she just thinks that theyre getting closer as friends. what makes her fall for him, however, was his gentleness. he was always the first person to tell her that she was beautiful, how kind she was, how thoughtful she was. he was her #1 fan, her absolute cheerleader. she had never had someone tell her that and now to hear it constantly made her heart flutter.

unlike garroth, she realized that she was falling for him pretty quickly. and that was about the time she realized her feelings for garroth, too.

[celestie0]

ok i thought i would like kai and god how wrong i was ahhaha

when that thing with soccer ball happened i thought that satoru tried to intentionally kick it in kai’s face to create some distance between them💀 him being jealous and overprotective the whole chapter was so hot omg how do u make him so hot. 

i really don’t understand what kai’s goal was with that whole “interview”?? i mean i do but couldn’t he just tell her directly hey you’re just going to need to suck someone off if u want to succeed and not have her go through all of that and embarrass her?? or was the embarrassment the point?? also can we talk about how scary it is to go to a bar with 3 men that are basically strangers and shady asf, like i knew something was going to happen the moment that guy made a remark “you’re going to learn so much under him”. if i were her i would have went with satoru after he had pulled her over lolz but u can see how angry she was at him that she decided to ignore the red flags just to spite him

and the end with satoru saying that he’s going to help her and that she’s enough really shows the difference between him and kai. i hope the last 3 chapters are full of fluffff cause our girl has been going through itttt but i also hope she does make him beg and grovel just because of how bipolar he has been acting.

overall great chapter and definitely worth the wait!!! 

omg dear reader i love how fkn real u keep it always 😭🤣 AND THE LENGTH of ur asks im always so sobbed to see it 😭💕 thank u for taking the time

OMG pls tbvh i thought of that being the case (gojo kicking ball to kai) but changed my mind in the end loool but nah he was just distracted seein them tgthr. and aaa yea he was in overprotective mode this whole chap he just cant help getting involved w her 😭😭

yea i thought a lot ab kai’s motives in this chapter. he clearly likes/was attracted to her since the beginning, but when she rejected his kiss, he realized there’s not rly much to be built there (or in his mind she doesn’t “put out” easy 🙄),, so she lost favor w him and he pretended to look out for her just to be spiteful after that. i guess i liken it to guys that are only nice to girls if they’re attracted to them and/or provide them w something like sex or attention. i think in ch8 he was genuinely looking out for her (albeit not very compassionately), but after she rejected his kiss, he was like meh idc to be careful ab this anymore. but also, i think he himself didnt realize that she is pretty capable and actually has a decent resume/shot at the dreams he gave up on, so the more he learned ab it, the more insecure he became ab his own goals and also her rejection of him, and then bam he felt compelled to embarrass her (grade A asshole). but also, he got her hopes up w a decent sounding job, just to crush em, which he knew would add to the pain

and yea i think her red flag radar was goin off the whole time w kai and her friends but mannn i think she just was rly desperate given everything going on 😔 and yea i mean satoru was always gonna keep an eye on her for sure regardless, but she was angry w him, he was hurt by her, just not a good environment for mutual support and care to occur lmfao. ur so right tho that wld be such a terrifying situation to get yourself into

and i knowwwww reader went thru so fkn much this chapter i felt so bad 😭 but yeah there will probs be more than three chapters haha cuz i have a lot more stuff to cover, but it’s def satoru’s turn to obsessively pine over her lmao.

THANK YOU DEAR FOR THE ASK IM SORRY FOR MATCHING IT W AN EVEN LONGER ONE but your comments just spark sm of my thinking cells haha. hope to see you in the next one <333 💕💕💕

[nights-like-this17]

Tagged by the one the only @thatbluelight

Writing questions tag game

What is your absolute all-time favorite idea you’ve ever had?

Probably “Can I Break Down Your Walls?” as a whole story arc, all the crazy shit that happens and how each chapter added more to their relationship. It was the first time I felt really connected to an idea. Most of the beginning stages actually came to me in a dream so I could always go back to that.

What is your favorite part of being a writer? Which parts could you take or leave?

I love connecting with people and making them feel/process their emotions. I’ve definitely met ppl through it or at least communicated with them enough to know I’ve had a positive effect which is all I’ve ever wanted to do with my writing. I feel like it’s a roller coaster of a process to write, I’d probably leave behind the bouts of writer’s block or spells of no motivation, but still they’re a part of the journey.

What is your greatest motivation to write/create?

I first started writing to create the stories that I wanted to hear, to fill in the blanks of what wasn’t said or shown in the media I loved. Now I feel like write to further extend a safe space or give people the opportunity to escape reality.

What do you wish you knew when you first started out writing?

I wish I knew how therapeutic it would be. I’ve been writing since I was very young because I had nowhere else to express my emotions safely, but writing fanfiction now allows me to establish my own worlds around characters I connect with, get things off my chest through the scenarios I’ve built.

What is your favorite story you’ve written to completion? Link it if you like and can!

Probably “Purple hurts, but Blue stings worse”. I’m a sucker for a soul mate fic. This was probably the most thought out story I’ve written.

What is your favorite out-of-the-box quote?

I had to did deep for this but

“This,” Becky starts dramatic as usual before Sasha can even ask, “is your pretty lesbian who’s gonna help you with your little problem” she offers like this is the end, the only choice, the standard for making Sasha’s experience one to remember.”

Really any time characters are being extra. I also really love in Purple Hurts when Becky and Seth are in a bet to see who can go longer eating specific colored foods…but I’m not searching through 20 chapters for that.

which of your characters would you say has the most controversial mindset? why do you say so and how do you personally feel about their ideals?

The first thing that came to mind was Finn in “Can I break down your walls?” Cuz he’s literally abusive and ends up in prison for aggravated assault…

But also Trina’s mom in the power ranger soulmate fics when she tries to rub her soulmate mark off with windex cuz she’s a homophobe.

if you, when you first started writing, met you now, what would younger you think?

Half of me thinks she’d be proud of how much I’ve actually written and that people actually read it and enjoy it. The other half thinks she’d be stunned that I’m still using writing as a coping mechanism, that I’m still living through a lot of my trauma and that I’m not over this shit yet. She’d also be concerned that I have run from fandom to fandom over the years, where is my loyalty?

This was fun, and deeper than I thought it would be, but two(2) people tops are gonna read it. But imma keep it here just for me that’s fine too.

If you have made it this far, go read my FreenBecky fic…it’s very angsty and very gay.

Retagging @theworldisrough because I don’t know anyone else. did you do this yet sis? I just wanna bother you lowkey. HELLO. If u have not been tagged and wanna be my writer friend, the applications are open.

[notebookmusical]

Thank you for the tips! Some of that is helpful. I'm gonna try to read for a while today. I totally understand trying to work it in my routine and that's something I can work on more. It worked for me before so hopefully can work again. Ya I do have different books in different categories so then I have to choose between them..like if I decide okay I'll read some YA today and I have a few options,or romance..which are my main genres..but sometimes I will start something different if I can't really decide.But I wonder if it's better to just stick to a few books at a time which I try to do but idk. That's interesting to me that you haven't read an author's books at the same time lol. Now I wonder if that's a bad thing but I think it helps me more cuz I can try to be at the same chapter in both books which would motivate me to read more..like if I had to catch up compared to the other book. I did this with Beach Read and Book Lovers and yes I know they're very similar lol. I think I also did it with Every Summer After and Love and Other Words which were also very similar and somehow I actually finished both. It helps to compare them around the same time for me idk and that way I'll know which one I am liking more I guess and if I pair two books then it seems I am more likely to finish them. Like I read a lot of Beach Read at one time..then the next day I read the same amount of Book Lovers. Now it's summer and I am going to also try to do this with Happy Place and Meet Me at the Lake..which seems similar enough..and I wanna finish by the end of summer which kinda gives a time limit I guess. Or is it better to just stick with Beach Read and Book Lovers for now..before adding more books? But I might like those more and be more motivated to finish since I already kinda took a break from the other two? I feel like this might be part of the problem though haha. I really don't know what would work best but at least if I start two books around the same time..I'm less likely to forget about it maybe and actually finish it. I know this kinda goes against your advice though but I still appreciate it! Also..I own that same copy of Les Mis as well..haha! I haven't actually read it yet but I am hoping to see the musical which is on tour later this week!!!

good morning friend!! 🤍 i hope you have a lovely time reading and that you enjoy what you're reading! i don't think that's a bad thing; just that i know personally that wouldn't work for me — it sounds like that's something that's worked for you in the past, which is great! that's what we want! i really liked meet me at the lake, and i definitely see the connection with happy place — that sounds like a great pairing to read together 🤍 the thing with reading is that it's all about what works for you, and what you're enjoying! if you're more interested in happy place + meet me at the lake for now, i think you should read those and put beach read + book lovers aside for a bit, even if it means it takes you longer to read 🤍 i really loved all of those books (beach read + book lovers especially, but i did really enjoy meet me at the lake and happy place) and would love to hear your thoughts as you get further into the books! i'm not sure if you already have the trigger warnings for meet me at the lake or happy place, but i'm placing them under the cut for you just in case. and eeeeeeeeeeeeeeee i hope you have the best time seeing the les mis tour, i saw them last month in seattle! i'd love to hear your thoughts if you do get to see them xx

meet me at the lake: death of a parent, grief, estranged parents, anxiety, insomnia, post-partum depression, OCD, car accident (fatal)

happy place: death of a parent, grief, guilt, infidelity

[mosviqu]

loved ur thoughts on it and i'm yet again glad to know that 2 out of 3 of our fav songs match again and i'm so glad it's a 20/10 album for u as well

tbh i only remember matthew talking so i'm not going to be a help here sadly💀💀

ERIC NEEDS TO HAVE LONGER PARTS I LOVE MY MAN SUNWOO LOVE HIS RAPS LOVE HIS VOICE BUT ERIC DESERVES TO SHINE AS WELL HE ALWAYS GET SO LITTLE PARTS💔 and i'm glad we did talk more about sunwoo😇 atleast it was worth it cuz of actor jihoon ig but the fact that only the last episodes were good😭😭 AND YAYYY IM HAPOY TO HEAR THAT🥳🥳

TBH IT WOULD BE CRAZY IF WE WOULD ACTUALLY END UP MEETING UP but if u need any help while u guys are here i am available to help anytime🫡

THE CLUB ONES WERE SO FUNNY I REMEMBER HOW THE TAEHYUN ONE AND THEIRS WERE AROUND THE SAME TIME AND I JUST LAUGHED SO HARD AT THEM (i remember seeing someone say "can't believe they are dancers and they move like this" i lost my shit actually) AND SO TRUE GOOD FOR HIM LMAO and now that u say that i follow an intak stan on tiktok AND SHE HASNT TALKED MUCH ABOUT JIM LIKE SHE USED TO (she also doesn't really make tiktoks that much and took like half off but we don't talk about that)

I DID WATCH IT!!! BAR!!!! I CANNNNOTT PUT MY FEELINGS INTO WORDS I LITERALLY ENDED UP ON THE FLOOR AFTER I WATCHED IT FOR THE FIEST TIME I JUST COULDNT TAKE MY EYES OF OFF JIHOON IT WAS SO BAD HIS FIT AND EVERYTHING ABOUT HIM WAS😭🤭 THE SONG🤌🤌🤌 THE CHOREOGRAPHY 🤌🤌 (but i did. feel a bit weird when i looked at junghwan doing al that .-.) and ever since it came out it has been my motivation to learn i'm just like okay i'm gonna finish this part and watch it again🤭 i am just so not ready for them to perform this like ever shsndbfn (liebestraum anon🥸)

SEE our taste in music actually matches for the most part 😭

still thinking of eric in kiss me if you can....and eric in general..... (i watched their vid w the fo squad today and girl let me tell u i think i fell in love with him ☹ you know me so well goodbye) also i wont talk abt sunwoo anymore bc he is yours only and i wont be a bad friend in this situation /j (i finished the bbam bbam social club series. literally 8h of staring at tipsy sunwoo. what did u expect to happen). ERIC DOESNT GET MANY PARTS ???? HAVE U HEARD THE MAN??????????????? JUSTICE FOR MY MAN.

omg im...so down actually ??? even tho i am SO awkward irl istg i think id die of anxiety but it would be so fun i think 😭😭 i still dont have the tickets so. we'll see hhhhh

NO BECAUSE TAEHYUNS CLUB WAS TOO DRY ISTG THAY WAS THE WORST ONE 😭😭 my man has to come to slovak clubs fr i'll show him how its done 🙄🙄 but also THEY HAVE SO MANY HONGDAE CLUBS AND HE WENT TO THE DRIEST ONE ??? 😭😭 but w the dancing part like how do u expect him to dance at a club he isnt gonna bust out the good boy gone bad choreo 😭😭😭 i mean at least shake ass a little i understand but dont expect big things 😭😭 also SEE im the most active intak stan confirmed (dont look that up) i need him to be my golden retriever boyfriend he's so pookie

on the topic of T5 move. *deep breath* AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA. jihoon's fit...lives in my mind rent free. like we knew he had abs and we did see them before but why did the sight affect me so much this time 😭 also i didnt even look at junghwan that much 😳 maybe for the best to not feel weird AHAHA i mean he is an adult but the 2 year age difference is providing a mental block for me to not see him in that way LMAO. we are NOT ready for the mv OR the live performance im afraid. plan my funeral friends ☹☹

[kortsitron]

Love language

Pairing: Cole Cassidy × Gender Neutral! Reader

Warnings: pure fluff, "poor" English, cursing, sexual joke, sexual ending cuz why nah but nothing happens

Summary: Reader doesn't speak English, but that doesn't stop the cowboy from wanting to get to know them.

Author’s Note: I haven't had wifi for around a week and that's how it ended. I have one more one shot that I wrote a day ago, it's basically ready to be posted, but I want to work a bit more on it. Also decided not to specify in which country this one shot takes place, so it's universal. But basically country where people don't speak English that much, but some people do xD If you know any of the languages Cole mentions - for the purpose of the story, no you don't. And if this feels out of character, it's my first one shot for Cass, so please don't be mad

Cole Cassidy has always been a type of person to not stay in one place for a long time. It was just who he was. He found this type of life fun actually. He has seen a lot of beautiful places and met lots of amazing people. And this day seems like it wasn't going to be any different.

Cole made his way to the small restaurant. Coming in, he looked around. Not many people were there, so he could easily find a table where he could sit. Making his way to the table he chose, one next to the window, he noticed you. You were looking through the menu, headphones on your head. He couldn't help himself and decided to talk to you.

He lightly tapped on your shoulder, so he wouldn't scare you. You tensed up a bit before relaxing again. You took off your headphones and looked at the cowboy standing beside you. "Hello, darlin'. Mind if I join you?" He winked at you, which caused you to blush. But you didn't understand a thing. You just looked at him confused. Cass quickly noticed that you didn't understand him. "¿Español?" You looked even more confused. "Français? Deutsch?" You spoked in your language, trying to explain that you had no idea what he was saying. He didn't understand what you said either. So he simply pointed at himself, then at the seat on the other side of your table. You chuckled and nodded, Cole gave you a thumbs up as a way of saying thank you and took a said seat. He pointed at the menu, as a way of asking if you've chose already and he could take a look.

Even though you could two couldn't have a proper conversation, you still had good time together. Gestures and face mimics were enough. After a dinner, you managed to show him that you had to go. Cole seemed sad, he wanted to get know you, even though it was a hard thing to do. So he wrote his number on the the tissue. He handed it you and made a phone call gestures, knowing well that if you're going to contact him, you'll text him.

After that he knew that he was gonna stay in the city for a little longer than he planned, but he didn't mind. As long as he could meet you again, he didn't mind at all.

Cole as soon as he got text from you, tried his best to use a translator on internet. He had no idea if whatever it was translated grammatically right or if it made sense. He was hoping you would know what he meant. Cole asked if you wanted to meet with him again and if you could meet him near the restaurant.

You laughed at his poor message, but thought it was adorable he was trying. You answered with thumbs up emoji and wrote an hour when you could meet with him. He send a thumbs up back, agreeing. After that you've been excited for the rest of the day and had a lots of motivation to try to learn some English.

Next day you've been waiting near the said restaurant. You were there first, nervous about your English. You remembered some words and short sentences, but you knew that your pronunciation will be terrible.

You've been thinking so much, you didn't notice when the cowboy arrived. "Hey, you there?" He had put a hand on your shoulder, which scared you and caused you to jump and scream slightly. "Oh shoot! I'm so sorry, pumpkin!" He caught on instinct, not letting anything bad to happen to you. After seeing that you were alright, let you go.

You were even more nervous that Cole was there and you were blushing a lot. "Hi." You said shyly, saying the word pretty good. Cassidy was surprised, but touch by the fact that tried to learn English so you could talk to him. "How… How are you?" You started to playing with your fingers to release the stress. You were worried that he would laugh at your poor English.

"I'm good, what about you?" He was trying to use the simplest sentences so you could understand him and perhaps learn something.

"I'm g-good." You smiled nervously. Cole gently out a hand on your shoulder and gave you thumb up, before winking as letting you know that you're doing good. "Um… Park? Free?"

"Free…?" He was surprised. You were about to start searching on phone to show him what you meant, but before you could do so, Cole's face lightened up. "Ohhh! You mean 'tree'. Let's go to the Park, that's a good idea." He gestured walking with his fingers, so you could at least get the idea what he just said. You looked happy and relived that he didn't made fun of you.

On your way to the park you had a simple conversation with him. You were using mostly single words, but you could tell Cole wasn't minding at all. He was just happy to spend time with you. He was using the simplest answers, questions and sentences he could think of. When you were struggling, he was happy to help. He felt a bit like teacher, but more fun one.

You, of course, were using words in your language if you couldn't remember the English one. Cole was interested in it, so he would quietly said them to himself, not even knowing the meaning. Sometimes even cursing without realizing it, making people stare at him. "Hmm?" He looked confused, when someone looked at him weirdly. He glanced at you, hoping for you to answer.

"You… you fuck." He blushed and laughed hysterically at that. You turned completely red, not understanding what was so funny. You were just trying to explain that him what he just said.

You hid your face in hands, feeling completely embarrassed. "Oh honey." He gently hugged you to the side of him, slowly calming down. You looked up at him, Cole was snorting a bit, which you found cute. "I know what you meant, but let me tell you. I do fuck." He bit his bottom lip and you understood what he meant. You playfully hit him and hid your face again. "I'm sorry!" He apologized before laughing again, giving you a proper hug.

After that situation, you decided to get ice cream and it wasn't easy. The ice cream maker wasn't speaking English, so had to do your best to translate everything to Cole and the ice cream maker correctly. As much as you tried, Cole got the wrong flavors. You were mad at yourself for that, while he didn't seem to be upset. He didn't care, even though it wasn't what he wanted, it was good. And he appreciated yoru effort. "Sorry, Cole." You apologized, not being able to look him in the eye. He glanced at you, he noticed how sad and guilty you looked. It hurt him.

"Don't worry, ___. I like it, it's good." He smiled at you, you smiled back, understanding only the second half of the sentence. He really wanted to tell you something more to make smile even more. So he pulled out his phone, looked for translator and wrote something then gave phone to you.

'I really appreciate your effort. And just because we don't always understand each other, doesn't change the fact that I have so much fun with you.' You signed happily, feeling relieved after reading that.

"Thanks, I… I ice scream… ice scream hug dirty." Cole was confused again and tried to make sense of what you just said.

"Ice scream hug dirty? Ice cream hug… Oh! I get it! You would want to hug, but you don't want to get me dirty with ice cream. Alright darlin, you're getting better." He winked at you, somehow by that you could that it was a praise.

Since that meeting, Cassidy made lots of effort to learn your language, just like you did with English. It was getting better, since you two became each other's teachers. Your sentences weren't perfect, so weren't his, but at least you two could have a nice conversations. And you started having some feelings for the cowboy.

Months later, you decided to ask Cole if he wanted to stay for the night, you surprised him, but he did agree. You were living alone, so no one could destroy the atmosphere or ruin whatever you two would plan to do.

When you wanted to make some cute, romantic dinner, Cole had to help you. You tried to explain to him, that you could do everything on your own and he just relax, but your protests didn't do much. So there he was, getting the table ready, while all you had to do is watch pasta boil.

And minutes later, there you were having a romantic dinner with a man of your dreams. You really wanted to tell him your feeling, but you weren't sure how.

After dinner he helped you cleaning everything, when he noticed that had a bit of sauce in the corner of your lips. "Wait a second, pumpkin." He said, caughting your attention. You raised your eyebrow. "Ya got dirty, here let me…" He licked his thumb and focused on cleaning you up. He didn't notice that you blushed until he finished. He looked you right in eye as his thumb moved from corner to your bottom lip.

Your heart skipped a beat or two. You never kissed him before, but you wanted to do so badly. "Can I kiss you, darlin'?" He asked calmly, not wanting to do anything against your will. He wanted permission first. He couldn't help, but bite his lip, while waiting for your answer. And it felt like hours for him. He was hoping for you to say 'yes'.

"Yes, please. Kiss me, Cole." You moaned out, feeling like your knee are getting weak. Cole wasted not time after getting a permission. Kiss was gentle and loving. You could feel him smirk against your lips as soon you kissed back. He could that you waited so long for it. You seemed hungry, but pulled away. It was that perfect moment to tell him your feelings. Cole didn't get it at first, he thought he might scared you away, because he didn't realize he did something you didn't like.

"Did I do something, sweetheart?" He asked sadly, wondering if he should move away from you and give you some space.

"No, it's just… Cole, I've been meaning to tell you this for a while now and… I can't wait any longer." There was no coming back now. Cole knew exactly where that was going, but decided to let you speak, because he wanted to hear saying these three words. "You mean so much to me. And now I can't imagine my life without you. All I'm trying to say is… I love you, Cole Cassidy." You were hoping that he felt the same way and didn't see you as fling.

"I've been hopin' ya would feel the same way. I love you too, ____." You were so happy, you jumped on him and hugged him. Cole almost fell on the floor. "Woah there!" He chuckled as he hugged you back. He squeezed you lightly, before putting you back on the ground. "Would ya like to continue the kiss or perhaps ya have some other interesting thing on your mind?" He bit his lip.

"Both so sound so good. Let me show what these lips can do."

[clone-whore-99]

Troublemaker

Chapter 11: Sore Muscles

The Bad Batch/Tech x f!Reader

Rating: 18+

Warnings: So much smut, overstimulation, protected piv, fingering, oral (f! recieving), slight size kink, massages, Tech being Tech, me not proof reading this cuz I'm so tired LMK if I need to add something

Authors Note: This had no business taking this long to write. I've been struggling with this chapter my dudes. No joke. But it's here, finally. Yaay. If you're not into that much smut, you can easily skip this chapter if you want to. There aren't any major plot points to the fic in here, since it ended up being longer and taking way more time than I expected.

If you like it, please do let me know by liking and commenting and maybe even reblogging, it would mean a lot to me 🥺👉👈

Arriving at Kamino

Work, Armor and... Clones?

Let it out

You shouldn't have done that

Talk about it

The 20 Questions Game

Crosshair

Echoes of the Past

The Fight

A Nice Change of Air

-

Heavy Rain Weights the Mind

Unlike previous nights, sleep had no trouble arriving this time. You had barely just closed your eyes, before being carried away into a deep slumber.

You had no recollection of when you had changed clothes, went to bed or fell asleep, but it had to have happened, since you woke up in a bed, wearing one of Wreckers tops.

Whoever was beside you was awake. Through your time there, you had noticed that all of the men had a tendancy to light snoring - probably due to their genetics. And the man lying next to you wasn't snoring.

You didn't want to open your eyes though. You felt heavier than a hutt at a feast and knew moving was going to hurt like hell. Your muscles were punishing you from your fighting session the day before. All you wanted was to sleep away the ache.

Alas, sleep was refusing to grace you with further slumber and you couldn't stay like that all day.

Opening your eyes, you weren't met with the usual posters decorating Crosshairs wall. Instead you were met with sketches and notes written in a hurry. You softly chuckled at this.

"You awake, mesh'la?" The breezy voice behind you asked.

With a low groan of pain, you managed to turn yourself around to face the back of Techs head. "Unfortunately, yea. Did you wait for me to wake up?"

Swiftly, Tech had turned to face you. He had a small and content smile, one that was barely noticible if it weren't for how close the two of you were. "Sort of, yes. You've previously stated that you weren't comfortable with being in our barracks when we weren't around."

"you remembered that? How sweet!" You squeaked unintentionally.

Tech looked at you like it was obvious he would remember such a thing.

You studied his face briefly, then let out a low giggle and reached a hand up to his cheek. "Aren't you uncomfortable lying with your goggles on like that?"

Tech placed his hand over yours and snuggled into it the touch. "Not really. Most of the time, I hardly even notice they're there."

A comfortable silence took over the room, seducing you to fall back asleep. Techs calm demeanor, warm breath and steady heart beat didn't help to keep you awake either. You nearly gave into the temptation, when Tech suddenly moved.

"Your muscles are still sore from yesterday, correct?" He asked, leaning up on one elbow.

"Yea, but it's not so bad as long as I don't move."

"Then how about I give you that massage now? It should help ease up some of the tension."

You looked skeptical behind Tech and as if he read your mind, he added: "Hunter isn't here. Probably won't be for a couple of hours. Crosshair is at the shooting range and Echo is getting medical checkups. Wrecker... Well, I actually don't know where Wrecker is."

"You just wanna give me a massage? No ulterior motives?" You probed, raising a questioning eyebrow at him.

"Besides help ease your pain? No. If you're uncomfortable with it being me who massages you, we do have droids and other equipment for it."

It wasn't like you actually thought Tech had any ill intentions. However, one could never be too careful. You decided to nod in agreement anyways.

Techs face lit up with mixture of surprise and delightful. "Great! Take off the top and lie on your stomach."

"Take off my top?!" Well, technically it was Wreckers top, but the sentiment of shock still stayed. Besides the top, all you were wearing was underpants and chest bindings.

Tech appeared confused over your reaction to his request. He studied your face for a moment, then adjusted his goggles. "How else do you expect me to get access to your muscles?"

A thoughtful look overtook your face, before you hesitantly sat up and removed the top. You couldn't stop the groan of pain before it escaped your lips. Who would've thought moving your arms over your head could be so painful?

Once you were lying on your stomach, an ungloved hand carefully caressed your back. "Mesh'la, do you mind if I straddle you? It'll give me better accessibility."

"Um... Sure, I guess?" The tone of your voice was anything but sure.

In one quick movement, Tech had thrown one leg onto the other side of you and was now sitting on the peak of your butt.

"Please don't hesitate to tell me if you're getting uncomfortable or if I'm overstepping a boundary." He urged, then started to slowly caress your back to help calm you down.

You could feel Tech fiddle with something and suddenly some lovely aubade music started playing on low volume. It was nearly impossible not to relax with those calming tones playing.

And as your muscles began relaxing, Techs long, nimble fingers began working their magic.

Closing your eyes, you let yourself go completely into the atmosphere Tech had created. It was so calming, so lovely, so... arousing.

The way this tall, lean soldier was sitting on top of you, leaning over you and expertly worked your barely covered body in his hands, applying pressure just where you needed it the most - and adding a new pressure in your core in the process.

On top of that, you were pretty sure you could feel something hard press against you every time he leaned over. Though, you weren't 100% sure it could actually be what you were thinking.

This is why you had originally declined, when he offered you a massage the previous night. Because you knew it would have this effect on you. Because these men had this effect on you. They could turn you into a babbling, giggling mess just by looking at you a certain way - you'd never admit that to them, though. Not that it mattered whether or not you admitted it, since their sergeant could smell it on you. Stars that was the most embarrasing thing for you to learn.

And here you were. Fighting to keep the moans to a minimun, to ignore the building pressure between your legs, to -

"Are you alright, cyare? You're tensing up again." Tech paused his work on a particularly sore spot to check up on you.

Kriff.

"Ye-yea, I'm fine. I was just thinking..." You trailed off, wrecking your brain for thoughts. "Didn't you have any plans for today? I'd hate to be keeping you from your actual work..."

Tech chuckled - the kind of chuckle that couldn't be heard, but you could feel the vibration from it transmitting into you.

"You're still worried we secretly hate having you around, huh?" He asked, but continued before you could answer. "Then let me put it in a way that you understand: We're soldiers, that's all we were ever created to be. Since early childhood, we've been conditioned to have practicality triumph comfort. Ours and others. So, if your companionship were to ever become impractical for us, we won't hesitate to tell you. Just like we didn't hesitate to tell you that bringing you along to watch us practice would be a distraction and thus, impractical. You have nothing to worry about Y/N, I promise."

Great, now you were fighting both moans and tears. "You know, you seemed like such an asshole when we first met, can't you go back to that?"

Once again you felt the man behind you lean over, this time to leave a gentle kiss between your shoulder blades. "I'm sorry, but I'm afraid that's not possible. I have taken too much of a liking to you."

Well, that conversation had the opposite effect on stopping the throbbing between your legs.

You tried to ignore what was happening in your core, to ignore how great Techs hands felt and how they might feel deep inside of you. Tried to focus on the music. Just the music.

You kept accidentally squirming and jumping and Tech would always pause to make sure you were alright when you did. In an attempt to keep that to a minimum, you forgot to keep track of your moans as well.

The moans weren't too bad anyways. Since you were lying with your face towards the bed, with your forehead resting on your arm, it was hard to hear it over the music.

At least, that's what you thought.

Tech pressed on a specific spot and the noise you made in response was loud and lewd.

Tech definitely heard it too. He tried to cover the small break by very badly faking a cough, but you could feel how he suddenly tensed up and how his touch became a lot more careful and shaky after that.

Slowly, you turned your head to the side so you could look him. He was looking very intensely at his hands working your lower back.

"Is something the matter, mesh'la?" Tech really did his best to sound neutral.

You hesitated. "Tech... Are you sure you didn't have any ulterior motives?" Your voice was barely a whisper, so low and careful.

A few moments of silence filled the room.

"Yes, I'm certain." Another pause, one of careful consideration on Techs part, before continuing, "Though, I must admit that your movements under me and those lovely little noises you make has had an effect on me. I'm sorry if that's made you uncomfortable."

His eyes met yours in an apologetic way, as he carefully dismounted you on the opposite side. That way, you could easily escape if that's what you needed. You didn't.

Instead, you pushed yourself up to sit. You were still sore, but no way near as bad as it had been when you woke up.

"It's not - it didn't... Make me uncomfortable... Not in the way you think, at least." You shifted slightly so your thighs could add pressure to your clit, hoping that Tech got the hint.

Oh he definitely got it. Techs eyes widened in realisation. He cleared his throat and adjusted his goggles and it almost seemed like his brain short circuited for a moment.

You took the chance to let your eyes wander his body. He was tall, lean, built a lot like Crosshair. As your eyes wandered further down to his hips and thighs, you could've fainted at the sight that met you. Neatly packed into the bodyglove was a large outline of his member.

Like it was magnetic, you leaned closer to the man next to you, though managed to stop before your bodies collided.

Your eyes shot up to meet his, which were studying you close with pupils dialating with lust.

Your lips met in the most careful manner, both waiting for the other to pull away but neither did. Then it intensified. Became more hungry and desperate, like you needed each other like you need water.

Lips pulling on each other, teeth clashing together, tongues wrestling, you on your back and Tech halfway on top of you.

His fingers ran along with your jaw, then down your neck, down your collarbone, slowly getting further down every time, before returning to the same spot on your jaw.

Your hands were not as careful. They roamed his slender, yet muscular body. To the back of his neck, through his short locks of hair, across his broad shoulders, just taking everything in. And there was a lot to take in. He may appear slender and skinny, but the muscles on this man were so defined, you could basically pass human biology just by touching him.

After searching for what felt like an eternity, you finally found the brim disconnecting the top from the bottom on the bodyglove. Your fingers snaked underneath the tight, thick fabric and a gasp broke the kiss from the feel of his skin.

Tech let out a breathless chuckle at your reaction, then sat up to take off his top. Oh how your eyes and mind wandered aimlessly over his upper body.

Leaning up on one elbow, you reached out to trace the muscles across his chest and down his abs. As your fingers began to graze his scars, Tech grabbed your hand and brought it to his lips to give your wrist a gentle kiss. Then continued up your forearm, your bicep, your shoulder and before you knew of it, you were back to lying fully on your back, with Tech on top of you, attacking your neck with open mouthed kisses.

Like an expert, he freed your breasts from the chest bindings and began massaging one with one hand, while making his way down to the other with his mouth.

Your hips grinded against his thigh, desperate for any kind of friction to settle your throbbing clit.

"Tech, please!" you moaned, as his both his lips and his fingers were teasing each nipple. He was pinching, twisting, sucking and licking the sensitive buds, making your core even more needy for the attention he was depriving it of.

"Patience Darling," his voice vibrated through your skin, shooting straight to your core and making you let out a mix between a cry and a moan.

Fortunately, you didn't have to wait long before Tech finally switched from sucking on one nipple to the other, his free hand going to work on your now saliva covered nipple, while the other hand finally made it's way into your underpants.

You couldn't stop the obscenely loud moan from escaping, as Techs fingers instantly found their way to your clit and relieved it from the burning pressure by rubbing hard circles on it.

Stars you weren't going to last long at this pace.

Bucketing your hips into Techs hand, he easily managed to slip two fingers in your entrance. He mumbled something like "Sew it" though, you weren't entirely sure.

Not that you could focus on his voice, even if you tried. His fingers massaged your insides, seemingly searching for something while his thumb overtook the job on your clit.

His fingers found what they were seemingly looking for, as they pressed onto one specific hard-to-reach spot and like a machine having just been turned on, your back arched and your hands clasped over your mouth to stop whatever noise would've left otherwise.

"There it is!" he muttered triumphantly, finally releasing your breast so he could press his forehead against yours. "Cum for me mesh'la. Look me in the eyes and cum for me."

It wasn't an order, but you still complied. He was so close, his goggles fogged up by your collected breaths. Your arms wrapped around his broad shoulders, fingers dug into his hair and underneath the band of the goggles, wordlessly asking for permission to remove them.

With his fingers still working your sensitive spot, drawing your orgasm closer with each thrust, and a lopsided smirk, Tech pulled his head back so the goggles would slide off with your fingers.

You carefully placed them to the side, then pulled Tech back in towards you. "Kriff Tech, I-I'm -"

"I know cyar'ika, I can feel it. Cum for me."

That was all it took to trip you over the edge. Your walls tightened around his digits as the wave of pleasure washed the build up out of you and into his palm.

Tech dragged out your orgasm with his fingers, prolonging it all he could. Everytime your moans were starting to get too loud, he kissed you passionately to shut you up.

Your own nails dug crescent moons into his back. Your back hadn't been in contact with the bed through the whole thing, arching into Tech untill you finally came down again.

For a moment, no sounds were in the room. Not even the music, which you just noticed had been turned off. Just your heavy breathing as you were coming down.

Tech looked at you with admiration. He waited for your breathing to become regular again, before removing his hand and sitting back up. "Mesh'la... That was about one of the most beautiful things I've ever seen." he praised.

"That was one of the most amazing things I've ever felt." you said breathlessly.

"For now," Tech winked at you. He licked your juices off his fingers, but then disappointedly shook his head.

You sat up to lean on your elbows again, worry written all over your face. "What? Is something wrong?"

That's when Tech gave you one of the cockiest smiles, one you had only seen Crosshair do. "I'm afraid this sample just won't do. I suppose I'll need to have a proper taste," He said, moving down so his shoulders were positioned between your legs. He shot you a quizzical look, asking for permission without any words.

Flustered, you pushed yourself up to sit properly, grabbing Techs face in your hands. "But what about you? It must be painful for you there, let me take of you first."

He leaned into your touch again, his face softening with comfort and calm. "If my assumptions are correct about where this is headed, then I'd like to wait until after I've made you climax at least twice, just to make sure you're properly prepared for me. If that's alright with you, mesh'la?"

The look in his eyes resembled that of a Tooka asking for a treat, you couldn't help but to give in to him. "Well, when you put it like that." you said, while caressing his cheeks.

With a content smile on his face, Tech rubbed the inside of your thigh before digging his fingers into the brim of the last piece of fabric covering you. "As much as I love the sounds you make, I must ask you to try and keep the noise down. The walls here are unfortunately not soundproof."

Your eyes widened in horror and shot up towards the door.

"I already disabled the door controls from the outside. I figured we wouldn't want anybody walk in on us in a compromising postion. Much less like this." Tech explained, while pulling the underwear off you, seemingly reading your mind for the second time that day.

Before you had the chance to say anything else, Tech put an open mouth kiss on the inside of your thigh. This caused you to spread your legs further, as well as gasping loudly as all your immediate thoughts disappeared.

Tech smirked against your sensitive skin. "Now, shut up so I can enjoy my meal in silence."

He dug in, eating you like a man on death row and you were his last meal.

His tongue slid through your folds and instantly made contact with your entrance, drinking up your slick and previous release.

It was a struggle to keep quiet. First you tried to bite into your hand again, but quickly stopped when you remembered how Hunter noticed it last time. Instead, you opted to just have a hand covering your mouth.

Tech moved on from assaulting your entrance with his tongue to attacking your clit. Your hips bucketed into his face and he countered by putting his arm around your thigh and over your hips, holding you down accordingly.

His other hand continued to massage your inner thigh, slowly sneaking up towards your core.

Lewd slurping noises filled the room, seconded by muffled moans. Two fingers prodded your entrance again, then quickly followed by a third.

They quickly found that hard to reach spot inside of you and tears started rolling down your cheeks at the sensation. You were already on the verge of another orgasm.

Of course Tech was a master at this. You had seen how well he used his tongue and hands at everything he did. Obviously he was going to be a genius at eating you out too.

Much like when he was talking, his tongue was fast and precise. He knew how to properly flick his tongue over the sensitive bud with just the right amount of pressure. Every now and then he let his teeth grace over for the extra stimulation and stars you could feel the genius idiot smirk against you, as it never failed to make you jump.

You tried to warn him that you were reaching your breaking point, but nothing but a babbling string of murmurs came out through the moans.

Tech must've known what you meant though, since he hummed affirmingly against you and the vibration was all you needed to tip over.

Your eyes rolled back into your head as a white light blinded you. Your back arched, toes curled and hands locked in position, one still covering your mouth while the other held a tight grip on the sheets.

You felt like you were becoming one with the force, like the galaxy was filled with nothing but the two of you and this amazing feeling spreading from your core and into every last strand of hair.

Tech kept going, kept fingering, slurping, licking, sucking, not letting you come down and you were getting lightheaded from the stimulation.

Struggling with getting your hands to unlock from their position, you carefully moved the heel of your foot to Techs shoulder and pushed him away.

"Too much..." You muttered, whole body still shaking and struggling to come down again.

"Oh..." He let out with a breath, sitting up and tenderly caressing your shaking thigh. "I'm sorry mesh'la. You just taste so good it's hard to stop."

You glanced at him through your lashes and the look you were met with was nearly enough to make you cum again. His face was glistening with your juices dripping down his chin. Tech licked his lips clean while maintaining eye contact with you.

With a breathless chuckle, you finally managed to release your grip on the sheets. "You're a messy eater," You joked.

"You're a messy meal."

This caused you to actually laugh out loud. "Just fuck me already, will you?"

"Whatever you wish, cyar'ika." Tech leaned over to kiss you on the lips. Although he had wiped most of your juices off, the taste still lingered on his lips.

You were about to put your arms around his neck, ready for him to put it in raw, but Tech pulled away to sit up again. Confusion and disappointment overtook you, not understanding why he pulled away again.

Tech reached over to his utility belt and fished out two small packages: A small flask with a liquid substance and a condom. Noticing your expression, he smiled reassuringly. "Just to be safe."

Finally you got to see what he had been hiding, as Tech took off the lower half of his body glove and threw it to the side.

The sight alone was enough to make your mouth water. Just by looking at Tech, you never would've guessed he would be packing such a member. It was above average in length and girthier than you'd imagine. Your walls clenched around nothing and you just knew he would stretch you out.

You were pulled out of your hypnotic-like trance and lewd train of thoughts, when Techs own hands went over his member, working on getting on the rubber protection.

"How often do you 'charge up the loading ramp' in order for you to keep protection in your kit?" You teasingly asked, seeing the chance and not wanting to let it go.

"Huh?" A confused expression crossed Techs face, before going wide eyed in realisation. "Oh! Oh no, although condoms are commonly known for being used as protection in sexual intercourse, they do serve plenty of other services in both military and scientific fields, such as -"

"Tech, love," You placed a hand on Techs cheek, pulling him out of his would-be rant. "Time and place. This ain't it." You reminded him, then laid back down in the most appetizing pose you could muster.

With an embarrassed chuckle, Tech tried to adjust his goggles only to be reminded they weren't there. "Oh, right." He nodded, seemingly for a moment feeling out of his element, but quickly fell back in it as he grabbed the small flask and poured it's liquid content out in his hand.

Using the liquid to lubricate himself, Tech crawled on top of you again and place a loving kiss on your lips. "I'll start slow so you can adjust to me, alright? And don't be scared to let me know, if you're hurting or uncomfortable."

"Alright, I promise." With a reassuring smile to back up your words, you wrapped your arms around his neck and pulled him down for another kiss.

Tech gladly gave in to the kiss, lovingly sucking on your lips while running the tip of his dick through your folds, before aligning it with your entrance.

The tip went in with a roll of his hips and as if he knew how you'd react, his tongue slipped into your mouth, taking advantage of your gasp.

He was careful. Busy stimulating you elsewhere by massaging and teasing your tit and wrestling your tongue with his. Meanwhile, he got further inside of you with each roll of his hips.

The stretch was intense, bordering between pleasure and pain. Your fingers grabbed onto the small locks of hair and your nails left small crescent moons down his back.

Breaking the kiss in exchange for air, Tech pressed his forehead against yours. He studied your face, memorising how it would contort between expressions of pain and pleasure. He then moved down to tease the sensitive spots by your ear.

"You're doing great mesh'la, taking me so well. You're so wet, but so tight around me, it must hurt, but you're not complaining, you're just taking it. You're so good, mesh'la."

He was right. The stretch did hurt, but it was a good kind of pain. Besides, he was almost fully emerged, you could feel it and once you were properly used to him, it'd be nothing but pleasure. "You're bigger than you look."

Tech sighed, his warm breath against your sensitive skin sent a shiver down your spine. "I know. I'm sorry if it hurts too much..." He muttered and tried to pull out, but you wrapped your legs around him to prevent it. Though, you were too rough in your movement and accidentally pushed him all the way in, causing you to wince at the sudden burn.

Techs body became stiff as a board at this and he quickly grabbed your face in both hands to make sure you were okay.

Once the initial shock faded, you returned the favor of holding his face in your hands. You gave a small peck on his lips, hoping it'd help calm him down. "I'm sorry love. I didn't mean it as a bad thing. It hurts a bit, yes, but it also feels amazing. You fill me up in the most incredible way and I love how I can feel so much of you, even through the protection. If you want to stop, that's fine, but don't do it because of me. I'm already adjusting to you." With that said, you released the grip your legs had on him, allowing Tech free passage to pull out if he wanted.

He didn't. Instead, Tech pulled you into a close embrace, holding onto you for dear life. His head was buried into the crook of your neck.

You were a bit taken back by this sudden embrace, but returned it nontheless. One hand on his head, stroking his hair while the other rested on his back.

After a bit of a silence, Tech let out a huff of air that resembled a chuckle. "I suppose I've ruined the mood, huh?"

In a semi-swift motion, you turned the both of you around, so Tech was lying on the bed and you were sitting on the top. His cock had softened a bit, but not enough and with a small wriggle of your hips, you could feel it twitch and spring back to life. "I'm still game if you are." You purred.

Techs brown eyes lit up, then darkened with lust. His hands found home on your hips and instead of giving you a verbal response, he picked you up to the tip of his cock, then pushed you down to the base again.

You bit back a loud moan. The way he filled you was pure bliss. Everytime you hit base, every nerve in your body ignited like a thousand stars in the night sky and finding a steady rhythm was becoming an increasingly difficult task.

No matter how you moved your hips, Tech kept hitting that spot... That spot deep inside of you, that you had heard about but didn't think actually existed. And it made you feel so weak. So weak that if it hadn't been for his tight grip on your waist, you would've collapsed right on top of him.

Tech seemed to be enjoying himself quite a lot as well. His hands helped guiding you, even with the rather irregular movements your hips made. Low grunts and small sighs were eliciting from his lips and through half lidded eyes, he watched closely how your body moved, what parts bounced and jiggled, how you jumped and squirmed, and how your fingers dug into his chest and your elbows caving in from struggling to keep you up.

"Do you, hnng, need to switch places again, mesh'la? You, ahhh, you seem to be struggling a bit."

In an attempt to answer, you ended up releasing the moans you had been keeping in. Clasping a hand over your mouth to keep quiet, gravity finally got the best of you and you collapsed on top of Tech.

Too oversexed to talk or move, you buried your head in the crane of Techs neck, while your hips kept moving on their own accord. "I-I'm... Close..."

"I know. I can feel it." Tech whispered into your ear. He wrapped his arms around you, one holding onto your back while the other reached down and grabbed your ass.

Having managed to somewhat steady you, he began to thrust himself into you, chasing his own high while helping yours along. His thrusts were fast and hard, filling you in a way that your own movements couldn't succeed. The way you were positioned on top of him by now, made the friction of his pelvis rub against your clit, finally tipping you over.

You accidentally clawed Techs chest, leaving 5 red stripes in the shape of your hand. Not that you really noticed it. You closed your eyes in order to keep yourself from going crosseyed, bit into the tender flesh of his shoulder to stop the oncoming scream, as white hot bolts of lightning shot through your body, creating an explosion of pleasure.

The next thing you knew, Tech was whispering low curses into your ear as his thrusts slowed down before reaching a halt.

For a long time, no other sounds but your collective gasping for air filled the room.

"That was..." Tech was the first to break the silence.

"Yea." You agreed, still not having the strength to move and get off, even though you felt him softening inside of you and you knew you'd better clean up.

Your eyes widened in horror, as a sudden realisation came over you. "Oh no..."

"What is it?" Worry filled Techs voice and he carefully pulled himself out of you while placing you back on the bed.

"Hunter's gonna find out..." You hid your face against Tech, curling up in a foster position as cringe overtook your post-coitus high. "Is it possible to die from embarrassment?"

"Fortunately not." Tech placed a loving kiss on your forehead, before leaving the bed. "I have long ago found a scent that harshly overrides anything else Hunters sensitive nose might pick up on. There's no risk of him finding out through that."

Tech was quite insistant on aftercare. He used a hot, wet towel to clean you and helped you get dressed for the day despite your protests. He brought you water and food, insisting that you finished it all.

"You've spent a lot of energy, mesh'la. And you haven't eaten since last night. I won't risk you passing out during the day, so you better finish it all." That's what he said. He even let you eat in his bed, which you appreciated since your legs were not going to let you walk anytime soon.

But, once he had made sure you were fine and taken care of, Tech became, well, Tech. He got dressed in full armor, made the control panel to the door accessable from the outside again and used some scented spray that was a straight up assault on your senses. Poor Hunter. Then, he took his place by the workbench and continued his work on the weird gadget for Echo. Leaving you, your assaulted nose and your meal to yourselves.

"Tech, this isn't going to change anything between us, is it?" You asked, suddenly feeling very insecure about your actions.

Without as much as glancing at you, Tech replied: "I don't see why it should."

Dividers by: @eloquentmoon and @djarrexex

Taglist: @zoeykallus @rain-on-kamino @thebadbatchscyare @thebahdbitch @salaminus @mybigfatspoonielife @tararosebloodthorn @chxpsi @coffeeandclaws @timothyshousefire @tazmbc1 @nunanuggets @rexandechosandwich @the-good-shittt @showerthoughtsonly @ashotofspotchka @alwayssnivellus @maulsrightleg @lo0nylexi

Please let me know if you want to be added to the taglist (and if you want to be added to only this series or all my fics) ❤

[xoxo-teddybear]

What Have I Done? - Bakugou Katsuki- pt.2

Bakugou x f!reader

Warnings: Angst, Mentions of suicidal thoughts, fluff, insane behavior, nsfw, noncon! Dubcon!, murder, stalking, abusive behavior, yandere!Bakugou, cursing, blood, lowkey kinda slow burn (meaning the beginning is a little boring BUT IT GETS GOOD I SWEAR😭)

Ep. Warnings: Angst, hitting, cursing, stalking, kidnapping, murder

Summary: It’s been awhile since you’ve left him. Two months actually but it was two months too long. Katsuki was slowly going insane and I guess you could say he officially has because he’s officially snapped. You become his main target, his number one priority, his entire being even though you’re trying to leave him. But Katsuki won’t let you. You’re his..and in the words of Bakugou Katsuki..you always will be.

A/N: ....I made it a yandere story y’all. OH SHI-

BAKUGOU’S MASTERLIST

Chapter 1

Twitch, twitch, twitch. That’s all Katsuki’s body been doing. Either his eyes or his fingers, his body is uncomfortably moving. Shit doesn’t feel right for him. And he knows exactly why. You left him.

The first week was horrible. All Katsuki did was cry. He even kept his destroyed home in shambles because he couldn’t find the motivation to do anything. If it wasn’t for Kirishima, Katsuki would have starved himself to death. The second week was just as bad. Nothing but a crying baby being taken care of by his best friend.

The third week is when Katsuki become a drunkard. He made Kirishima and the boys of the Bakusquad constantly take him out whenever. As long as the place served alcohol, he would go. He would go and drink himself to sleep. While he was intoxicated he would cry about how he misses you and how he was a terrible husband. He always said you deserved better but he was too in love with you to let you go. The 4th week was pretty much the same.

After a whole month without you, Katsuki threw himself into depression. For the entirety of the second month, he locked himself within the walls of his home. Thankfully, it was now considered a home environment once again after his dear friends cleaned the place up for him. Katsuki stayed inside all day, drank his soul away every night, and sobbed constantly. Constantly regretting how he neglected you, how he mistreated you, and how he hurt you. He doesn’t even know how he even brought himself to do that. Even though he’s been alone for almost 2 months, he still had hope that you would come back. That things would go back to normal and he would be a better husband to you, just like he promised.

Katsuki felt himself going mad and slipping away, but what pulled the trigger was what Kirishima brought to him on the 6th week.

—

Flashback

“WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?”

Katsuki looked down at the papers in his hands. Kirishima had walked in with a nervous and sad look on his face when he gave Katsuki the papers you had the red head deliver. “Sorry man...”

Katsuki shook as he stared at the divorce papers with wide eyes. He saw you already signed it and all the paper needed was his signature. His face grew dark as something in his mind snapped. Katsuki turned to his friend and instructed him to get out of his home.

“What? Man are you alright?” Kirishima said. He walked to his best friend and when he reached a hand out for him, Katsuki pulled on his arm and pushed him out the door. He slammed it shut and locked it as he looked at the papers.

A scary smile grew on the man’s face. His eyes grew crazy as he laughed maniacally. Hysterically. As if what he held was the most hilarious thing in the world. His palms began to spark as he used his quirk to destroyed the papers. The quick blast made his hair floof around a bit and when it was over, a pile of ashes lay at his feet.

“She-....she thinks she can leave me?” Bakugou began to walk to the framed picture on the coffee table. He picked up the picture of you both on your last anniversary and ran his finger over the image of you. “Poor Princess....you can’t leave me. You need me. Just as much as I need you. I mean..hehe...look at what I mess I’ve been. I can only assume you must be worse. But it’s okay, love...I’ll find you soon enough..and I’ll help you feel better,” he walked to his bedroom and layed down on the soft mattress as he held the frame close to his chest as he stared sinisterly at the ceiling, “and we’ll never be apart again.”

—

The 7th week was when it began. Katsuki took some time off of work. He was gonna be too busy for hero work. He had something much more important to do. He had to bring you home.

Katsuki spent the 7th week looking for information on you. He was up 24/7 reading all he can, talking to as many people as he can, and doing all the digging he could until he found you. Unfortunately for him but luckily for you, he found nothing. It pissed him off. How could you have completely erased your existence? Did you just go into hiding or was he not searching hard enough.

This time, the luck switched. Katsuki was just walking to the store when he looked to the far side and saw you in a cab. He had to do a double take to make sure he wasn’t mistaken but after a good glance and taking a picture for confirmation, he knew it was you. His body almost betrayed him as he almost went in to run after you but luckily his brain stopped him. He had to think. Katsuki hid in an alleyway nearby as he watched you from the side. When the driver continued down the road, that’s when he began to follow you. He used his hero training and quirk to keep up with the car. He followed you for miles until the cab finally stopped at some hotel. He watched you walk in and decided this was far enough.

He knew where you were now. He could wait a little longer before snatching you up. If he did it now in broad daylight, chaos would break out. He had to wait for the perfect moment to get you back. He was okay with waiting. He knew where you’ve been staying, how to get there, and knew what time you got back from wherever that cab picked you up. And then it hit him. The cab.

Katsuki went back to look at the picture he took of you in the cab and checked the license plate. With this information, he went home to find where the vehicle was.

Katsuki busted the door open to his home and ran straight to his in-home office. He went to log onto his work laptop that he used for hero work. The laptop contained the tools and websites that would allow him to find the cab. He finally reached the site he was looking for and went back to the picture. There, he typed in the license plate number.

“よ 57-342” he whispered aloud. Finally, he located the vehicle and went to find it. Katsuki followed the location until he found the house where the driver stayed. He waited in hiding, hoping someone would come out and hoped that the someone would be the driver. He waited and waited until finally, after almost 2 hours of waiting, a man came out. Katsuki quickly pulled up the picture and made sure it was the same person who was driving you, and to his luck, it was.

He quickly ran to the driver before he could get into the cab and pulled him into a dark corner. He slammed the man up against the wall and pulled up a picture of you. “Listen! You dropped this girl off at a hotel, I need to know where you picked her up! Tell me! Now!”

“W-whoa!” The driver exclaimed as he took notice of Katsuki’s identity. “Y-you’re Dynamight!”

Katsuki sucked his teeth at the fact that this guy knew who he was but then again, he wasn’t surprised. He was the number 2 hero after all. “Yeah! I am! Now tell me where you picked up my wife you dog-faced loser!” He screamed.

“Y-you’re wife??” The man looked at the picture and recognized you and the name you gave him. “Oh! M-Miss Y/N! Yes! Uh-..uh- I- she- I- ..I picked her up from a gym!” The man exclaimed.

“What gym?! Tell me!!!” Bakugou shouted at the man.

“I-I’m sorry! I don’t know if I can! She- she said she got divorced so how can I trust you’re her husband?!” The man shouted in fear.

“Are you calling me a liar?! I’m a fucking pro-hero! Why would I pull some bullshit like that! Tell me where my wife was! What?! Gym?!” Bakugou screamed once more. In fear, the man gave Katsuki the information he needed.

“Hosu Gym!” The man shook and Bakugou stared for a minute to scare the poor guy before dropping him to the ground. As he walked away, the man spoke up once more. “D-Dynamight, sir. I-If miss Y/N doesn’t want to see you..and you’re forcing information out of people..I’ll have to tell the authorities..sir.”

“You’re not gonna do a damn thing. You hear me?!” The pro screamed. Bakugou side eyed the man as he watched the driver get up from the ground.

“Sir. From the small conversation we had in the car, Miss Y/N said she was divorced-“

“We aren’t divorced!!” Bakugou said as he made a random explosion to intimidate the man. “We are still together, and she is still my wife, and none of this is any of your business!” Bakugou began to walk away but heard the driver grumble something under his breath that triggered something in his brain.

“I can see why she left a crazed man like you...” the driver mumbled. Katsuki quickly snapped his body to face the man and jumped on him. His burning hand found it’s way around the man’s neck and began to squeeze.

“The hell did you say?! You’re gonna wish you never said that you fucking fool, cuz now those are gonna be your last words!” Bakugou said before he activated an explosion and killed the man. Katsuki took deep breaths before realizing what he did and for some reason, he felt no remorse. And he knows why.

“That idiot should’ve known better than to talk about me and Y/N like that...s’his own fault he died.” Bakugou said before walking away from the gruesome scene. He acted like nothing happened as he made his way to Hosu Gym. He just needed to know what time your got there and when. Then, he could finally go home before continuing his plan for the next day.

—

The blonde decided to wait for some time before he went into the building. It was getting dark and so the gym would be closing soon. He waited and waited until finally, the place was empty. Empty except for the man who worked at the front desk.

Katsuki slipped in right before closing and hid himself in the locker room. He waited 10 minutes before going out and finding the one employee he saw. After exploring the area, Katsuki found the man sitting on a bench. He snuck up behind him, and pounced. He covered the man’s mouth as he tugged him into the back room. Once inside, The blonde threw the man in and locked the door to prevent anyone getting in or out.

“W-What is going on? D-Dynamight, what is happening?” The employee asked in fear. He assumed a threat was going on or some trouble was taking place outside of the gym. He had no idea the trouble was standing right in front of him.

“I need you to tell me when this lady came in.” Bakugou said and pulled up a picture of you. The man looked at the picture and shook his head.

“I’m sorry, but I don’t recognize-“

“YOU WILL! This woman came in here today and I need to know what time! TELL ME!” Bakugou screamed as he lit sparks in his palm. The man shook in fear at the hero’s booming voice and began to look harder. After a minute, he finally spoke.

“I- I remember. She came in hours ago! Sometime around 12 to 2!” The man said in hopes the yelling would stop. It didn’t.

“ARE YOU FUCKING STUPID?! There’s a huge space in between! I need to know exactly what time she came in! Don’t you morons have a sign in?!” Bakugou screamed.

“We do! We do sir!” The man nodded his head in fear. Bakugou huffed before walking over to him and dragging him by his collar to seat him on the chair in front of the computer.

“Then get into your data base and FIND MY WIFE!” The blonde screamed. The worker nodded frantically before getting right into it. Bakugou watched his every move and the computer. He kept a sparkling hand right next to the man’s head to keep him intimidated as he worked. Eventually, Bakugou saw your profile picture on the screen when the man scrolled down. “Stop. Her. Check what time she came in.”

The man read the drafts and spoke. “1:30 p.m.”

Bakugou nodded before walking to the door and unlocking it. He turned to the trembling man and gave a quick warning with a sinister smile. “If I ever find out that you told anybody, even your own damn friends or family, about what happened tonight, I won’t hesitate to come back and kill you. Am I clear?”

The man gave a quick and jittery “y-yes sir!” As he watched the pro-hero leave the room. Once Bakugou was gone, the man let out a breath of relief and allowed the few tears he was holding back to fall. Bakugou Katsuki definitely struck fear into those of the lives he met.

With this simple information, Bakugou smirked as he walked out the gym doors. He knows where you live, what gym you go to, what day you go, and what time you arrive. You were always a very punctual person. You had a schedule and you followed it through and through. He completely trusted the fact that when he came back here next week, he would be sure to see you. All he had to do now was wait 7 days.

—

7 days have passed and Katsuki was waiting for your presence in the gym. After finding out you arrived at 1:30, he showed up almost an hour earlier at 12 just in case. He waited and waited for you to show. He was almost out of patience, but after seeing that it was only 1:00, he settled the slightest bit. It wasn’t until he took notice of a familiar figure at the desk.

The man Katsuki had threaten nights ago was shivering and shaking in his boots as he greeted people at the door. He was aware that the pro hero was in the building and after the incident of what went down that night, he was definitely scared for his life. Bakugou began to walk to the man and said man could feel a scary aura coming around. When he turned, he was greeted with the sight of a smirking Katsuki.

“Hey friend,” Bakugou said with his hands in his pockets.

The man jumped at the sound of his voice and his scary presence made his eyes teary. “H-Hello Dynamight.”

“Thought I’d just come by to warn you again. When Y/N walks through those doors, don’t you fucking dare try telling her about me or my presence here. Got that.....” Katsuki said looking down at the man’s name tag. “Hiro Itadori? ‘Cuz if you do, your body goes boom. Understand?”

“Y-Yes Sir!” Hiro said as he looked to the ground with wide eyes as he felt himself break into a cold sweat. Bakugou patted the man’s back, causing him to flinch but when the hero walked away right after, Hiro calmed down. Unfortunately, that only lasted for about a second before you walked in.

“Hello Hiro!” You joyfully said. Your voice reached the ears of your ex-husband. Or more so, your “supposed to be” ex-husband. His ears perked up and he smirked as he hid behind a corner wall, taking the view of you in.

“Y/N.” He whispered to himself. He smiled and a blush bloomed on his porcelain skin as he admired you from afar. You were just as beautiful as he remembered. If anything, your looks seemed to have only gotten better. He watched as the man nervously greeted you and allowed you to go through with your workout. Katsuki smirked as he knew the man gave no hint at him being there, and so he would be able to watch you in peace.

Katsuki wasn’t there to keep tabs on your workout and what exercises you did. He was there just to watch you. Of course, while doing so, he admired you, but he was there to gain selfish intel. He watched you from start to end. Once you finished he followed you to your next location. It was still early and so it was safe to assume you weren’t heading to bed yet. He followed you back to your hotel and waited in another area until you walked out again. Sure enough, you did.

For the rest of the day, Bakugou followed and stalked your every move. He watched where you work, where you spent your free time, he followed you to the new cafe you seemed to enjoy, and then he followed you back to your hotel. Instead of waiting in another area and watching from afar, Bakugou climbed the side of the building and watched you from your hotel balcony through the glass door. He payed attention to your every move and noted what time you went to bed. Satisfied with the day’s revelations, he went back to his own home.

Knowing this information, Katsuki was able to sleep a little more peacefully. For the next few weeks, Katsuki followed this procedure. He became a full time stalker, even going so far as to call out of work for some time to put his full attention in you. He watched you like a hawk. He took note of everywhere you went, where you ate, who you spoke to, and what you did. All of it became engraved into his brain.

Now, Katsuki stood at your balcony for the umpteenth time as he stared at your sleeping form. It was deep into the night and with the moonlight on his back, he found enough courage and craze to open the door. He walked in quietly and shut the door, blocking the chilly air from seeping in to awaken your unconscious state. He approached your bed and crouched down to meet your face.

“Still as perfect as ever,” he whispered as he removed a few strands of hair out of your face. His touch didn’t seem to startle you and Katsuki took it as your body naturally indulging in his familiar touch. He blushed at the feeling of your oh so soft skin as his fingertips grazed your pillowy cheeks. His hand finally cupped the side of your face as his thumb drew circles along your skin. Your head unconsciously nuzzled into his warmth like it used to and Katsuki couldn’t help but smile. “Don’t worry Teddy Bear...I’ll bring you home soon.”

With that, Katsuki leaned down and softly placed a kiss on your lips. This was the lightest kiss he ever bestowed upon you. The pressure and weight was similar to a feather and the blonde struggled to restrain himself once he came in contact. He craved more but his mind knew better. Reluctantly, he pulled away and removed his hand from your face. He walked away, back to the balcony to take his leave but not before turning to look back at you. “Real soon.”

—

You woke up to a sense of familiarity in your room. Although you were alone, you could’ve sworn there was this chilling presence. It was faint but it was there. Taking in a breath and looking around at your surroundings, you reluctantly got out of bed and got ready for the day.

You did the usual. Got ready, got dressed, had breakfast, and went about your day. You went to the market to picked up a few things and ended up staying much longer than you liked. You walked in during daylight and came out when the sun was setting. You sighed in disappointment.

“Guess I can skip the gym this one time. I might as well get back home, read a book or two..” you went on talking to yourself about your schedule. You walked with the groceries in hand as you enjoyed the scenery on your way back, however, even with the shining sun creating it’s golden hour with a beautiful purple sky, you couldn’t help but feel wary of the stillness in the wind.

—

‘Where the fuck is she?!’ Bakugou thought to himself. He waited at the gym all damn day. He waited and waited to see your beautiful face but you never showed. If he had known that you would’ve skipped out on the gym today he wouldn’t have came here and wasted his time. Today was supposed to be the day. The day you came home.

Shaking off his negative thoughts, Bakugou continued with his backup plan. Although it would hurt his soul to bring harm to his precious princess, he reminded himself that he was doing this for her. He’s been so broken for the past months, he could only imagine how destroyed you must be. Hurting you was his way of helping you.

And so, Bakugou made his way to your hotel, where he found himself standing infront of your glass door at your balcony. To his dismay, you weren’t there. He released a huff before climbing down and once again, began to wait. He waited and waited in hiding, constantly on the lookout for you. It’s hard to find you in the city when you don’t follow your daily schedule, but knowing where you currently resided to get your rest made his job much easier.

Finally, after some time, he heard the familiar and comforting sound of your humming voice as you sang a little song to yourself. Bakugou took the sight of you in and blushed at your beauty from afar. He allowed himself to soak in the sound of your pretty voice before making his move. “Sorry Princess.”

—

You finally made it to the hotel. After your long stroll, you couldn’t wait to get some rest. Except, the closer you got, the more tense you became. You could feel the suspenseful aura in the air and your pace soon slowed down. Eventually, you came to a stop as your nerves got the best of you.

“Hello?” You said in the wind. You looked around and saw nothing but the pitch black night illuminated by the street lights and stars.

“Is someone there?” You asked again, turning your head another direction. Nothing but leaves in the wind. You released a sigh and continued your walk but became startled due to the sound of squirrels fighting in the trees.

“Ah!” You screamed and dropped your bag. After taking notice of the two animals going at it, you chuckled to yourself and turned to pick up your bag, unfortunately being startled once again at the sight of shoes in front of you. “AH!”

You jumped back in fear and took a fighting stance before you settled and relax at the sight of your supposed ex-husband. “Bakugou..it’s just you.”

“Mm, nope.” Bakugou said as he bent down to pick up your bag and hand it to you. “It’s Katsuki.”

His words sent your eyes rolling as you took your bag back with a hesistant hand. Something seemed..off.

“Not anymore. Thanks for the help. Bye.” You attempted to walk on to your hotel entrance but his arm stopped you.

“What? That’s it? Thanks? Bye?” Bakugou asked while gently pushing your body back in front of him. “We should talk, Y/N.”

“There’s nothing to talk abou-“

“There is.” Bakugou said with a firm voice, grabbing your full attention. Seeing your doe eyes look at him with caution caused him to settle. Bakugou sighed through his nose and allowed his hands to rest on your waist. “I miss you, Y/N. I want you to come back home.”

You shook your head at the idea and scrunched your eyes as you tried to step out of his hold. “Bakugou..”

“Hear me out, okay? It won’t be like last time, Teddy Bear-“

“You don’t know that-“

“I do. Because I’m going to try harder for you and I’m going to hold onto you and I’m not gonna ruin us for a second time. I still love you Y/N. I always have and I always will.” Bakugou sweetly said. You looked at him with the same eyes of caution before you placed your hands over his, giving him a sign of hope.

“I’m sorry, Bakugou,” you said, pulling his hands off of your waist. “I sent divorce papers. I don’t want to be with you anymore. I don’t love you anymore.”

“You don’t mean that.” Bakugou said with full confidence. Although you pulled his hands away from your waist, you still allowed him to keep a hold on your own hands.

“...I should.” You said looking down. With each word of denial, Bakugou took a step closer, invading your personal space. “You should get going-“

“No, Y/N-“

“Bakugou-“

“Baby. I know you still want me. I know you still love me and I know you’re excited that I’m back. I love you...and you love me. So just admit it.” He said, inches away from your face. You stared in his eyes with a look of longing...and a hint of love. He was right. You did still love him. But after the neglect and harm he’s brought you, you didn’t know if you did want to go back. You didn’t know.

Sensing your hesistation, Bakugou slowly moved in to close the gap between you two. His hands let go off yours as he wrapped his arms around your waist. His face inched closer to yours and when you didn’t stop him, he continued. Finally, he gently placed his lips upon your own and you’d be lying if you said you didn’t feel something again. His kisses always brought a comforting feeling of butterflies in your stomach and after a second of feeling his warm lips, you kissed him back. Your hands found way around his neck as you pulled him in deeper and you could feel Bakugou smile into the kiss. It was hot and passionate. You were out in the open but for a moment it felt like no one else in the world existed. You would’ve gotten lost in the kiss had it not been for you remembering the situation you were in with the man.

Reluctantly, you gently pushed Bakugou off of you, but he still managed to press his forehead to your own. “Katsuki...you should go home.”

“Not without you.” He softly said. You shook your head as you completely pushed him off of you and gathered your things.

“Please...just go.” You said and began to walk away but Bakugou held onto your arm to stop you from moving any further.

“I’m not leaving without you, Y/N. Come home.” He stated.

“Bakugou! Just leave!” You shouted as you turned to him. When you faced the blonde man, you were shocked to see a crazed smile decorating his face.

“Too bad. I’m not asking Y/N. I’m telling. You’re coming home with me. Tonight.” He said and you scoffed at him with slight fear.

“You’re crazy!” You said and tried to shake his hold off of you, but of course failed.

“About you? Yes.” He said as he pulled you in closer. You squirmed against his hold until he pressed you in his chest and kept you in his grasp. You continued to fight against him but he grabbed your face with one hand to force you to stop and look at him.

“Let me go!”

“Listen! You either come home with me the easy way..or my way.” He warned. You looked at him with fear laced all around your face as you watched his insane side surface. You began to squirm again and fight once more.

“I’m not going!” You spat. Bakugou just released a simple laugh before caressing the side of your face.

“Yes. You are.” With that, the gentle hand on the side of your face formed into a first as he swung and knocked you out. You dropped unconscious in his hold and Bakugou was quick to carry you princess style and walk away, abandoning your groceries on the sidewalk.

“Shoulda listened. Cant believe you forced me to hurt you like that, baby.” Bakugou spoke to your unconscious state as he walked back home through dead city streets. “Don’t worry though, I’ll take care of you once we make it back. And then, we’ll never be apart again. I promise.”

—

You awoke to chains being locked on your wrist that were tied against a headboard. You layed on a large mattress in a dark room with a dim light. As you looked around, you recognized the familiar place. The place you used to make love for hours with your ex-husband. The place where movie dates and cuddle sessions were a must. The place you locked yourself in before leaving your last relationship. Katsuki’s bedroom.

You tried to jump out of bed but the restraints pulled you back down. You tried to scream and only muffled sounds could be heard. Katsuki taped your mouth shut. You tried using your quirk but it didn’t work. You looked to your restraints and saw the cuffs he used to hold you were quirk restraining cuffs. With nothing else to do, you tossed and turned in the bed as you allowed the muffled sounds to be as loud as they could. Eventually, the ruckus you were making brought the attention of your captor. Katsuki Bakugou.

Hearing all the noise, Bakugou busted opened the door to be met with your frustrated and teary eyes. You glared at him as he smirked at your locked up state. He took the opportunity to walk up to you and caress your face.

“I’m so sorry I had to hit you baby,” he said leaning down to place a kiss on your forehead. “But you left me with no choice. All you had to do was come home on your own free will and I wouldn’t have had to do all that.”

You began to tremble with anger and fear as you stared up at the man. Your teary eyes challenged his insane rubies as he sat on the side of the bed.

“How does it feel to be back? Hm?” He asked, ripping off the tape. You groaned at the pain and grew sick as you saw Bakugou pervertedly lick his lips at the sound. You leaned back and huffed with heavy breath before answering him.

“What the hell is wrong with you?! Let me go!” You screamed. He only looked at you in confusion as another sinister smile took place on his lips.

“Why would I do that, Teddy Bear?” He asked, allowing his thumb to create sweet and soft circles on your cheek.

“I don’t want you anymore Katsuki! I don’t want to be with you!” Bakugou merely raised a brow at your words and continued to listen. “You burned me-“

*SMACK*

You looked at the man in front of you with fear and shock written on your face. Your cheek stung as your face now turned to the side but Bakugou quickly changed that by taking you by your chin to make you face him and wrapped a hand around your neck, chocking you. You gasped for air as Bakugou’s smirk became replaced with a frown and his brows became pointed.

“How dare you?! You’re asking what’s wrong with me but what the hell is wrong with you?! You left me, for months, Y/N. I was heartbroken. I was basically dead with you gone. I did you a fucking favor bringing you back. If I was so fucked, I can only imagine how horrible you must’ve been feeling. You’re lucky I came and save you. Saved us. And now, we can be happy again.” He explained.

“K-...Katsuki-..p-please!” You forced out, trying to beg for air.

“SHUT UP! I saved you, Y/N. So don’t even try to mention the little accident that happened so long ago, baby. Now you can forgive me. And don’t worry..I’m ready to listen to all the apologies you surely have for me...even if I have to choke them out of you.” He seethed with his hand tightening. Your eyes began to pop as the blood flow began to fill your face. Your eyes turned red as you struggled for air.

“I-...I-I’m..K-Katsuki! ...I’m sorry!” You shouted as best as you could. Luckily for you, the second you did, Bakugou’s hand lost its grip and simply rested on your neck. You choked and coughed as you relished in the sweet taste of oxygen. He smiled and leaned down to give your lips a sweet peck to shut you up and tapped your cheek before he walked to the door. Before leaving, he turned around to look at you and give you your official welcome back.

“I’m glad you’re home, baby. Can’t believe you really tried leaving. You’re mine, Y/N. And you always will be....don’t forget it.”

He slammed the door shut, walking away from the room with a smile. And you?

You cried.

A/N: Back by popular demand, we have part 2 to “What Have I Done.” How was it? In my opinion the beginning SUCKED! But I promise it’ll get better! The story will focus on Y/N and Bakugou’s new lives now so stay tuned and I hope you guys enjoyed it!

Tag list: @captainchrisstan @jazzylove @bakugous-trauma @konohahoee @whatdidshesayyy @chibiiichann @lover-of-helios @unicornlover25 @tamakisropebunny @iliketobullydeku @peacchfuz @fairybnha3 @ebiharachan @levimeko @5sos-wdw @naluciosa @anime-weeb-bnha @bakucumsackslut @asteria-obey-me

[doppopoppo]

|| Uramichi Daily Headcanon ||

|| Warnings: minor sexual harassment ||

|| Uramichi • Shy|F!Reader ||

Clubbing

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*💙

With the music blaring, more than what he was used to, Uramichi got a headache. He didn't even want to come here. He would much prefer their usual restaurant to drink. But Usahara being the annoying fool he is, dragged everyone to some club he frequents. Something about wanting to see the cute bartender. He should’ve just gone home.

Uramichi looked around the table. Utano was beyond drunk and complaining about her boyfriend. Iketeru was up on stage singing. He was drunk but still sounded good. Kumatani was busy trying to get Iketeru down from the stage. Usahara hitting on the bartender. The annoyed and exhausted man was busy smoking his cigarette, hoping he could go home soon.

“Look at those girls.” Uramichi heard Utano speak up, “oogling over Iketeru like that. Just cuz he’s got a nice voice and looks doesn’t mean shit!” He watched her complain and drop her head on the table. Probably crying.

Just as she said, he could see girls of all ages fawning over Iketeru. Some were even cooing at Kumatani, touched by his big brotherly gestures at Iketeru. Just how drunk was everyone tonight? He’ll get Usahara for this later. At least they’re having fun, well, most of them. Uramichi felt pity for Utano, but there was nothing he could do. So, he just gave a simple pat on her head to calm her down as she cried her soul out.

“Um, excuse me.” He heard a soft, meek voice near him.

Uramichi paid no mind. It was probably some conversation he was overhearing. Utano complained to him and wanted to know why her boyfriend still hasn't asked her to marry him. She’s been dropping hints. He felt awkward as he had no answer to it, considering he wasn’t close to either of them. He sighed, he’ll probably leave soon. But he feels bad leaving his friends drunk inside a club.

Uramichi felt a soft tap on his shoulder. He looked up to see a young girl, perhaps no older than 25. She looked to be very shy, a faint blush apparent on her <skin color> cheeks. She wasn’t looking at him either but at her fingers, which she was twiddling. “Um, hi there.” Her blush intensified.

It was the same voice as earlier. So, it belonged to her and it was directed at him. He wasn’t interested in getting with some girl he had just met in the club. “Listen, I’m not a cordial man. Nor am I interested.” He quickly rejected the girl. Plus, she deserves someone better than him anyways. He’s in his 30s already, she’s got time to find someone better or improve herself; unlike him.

“There ya are cutie!” He heard a gruff voice coming towards his table.

Utano had long passed out and his friends were still busy doing what they already were. Why is everyone so social in this club?

He can hear the girl mumbling and, was she shaking?

“Where’d ya go? I turn around an ya gone.” The man came up to the trembling girl.

She clung onto the hem of her dress. “I was looking for a friend.” He could hear the fear in her voice. “I couldn’t find them.” She whispered and turned away from Uramichi.

“‘s okay pretty lady. You’ve got me to keep you company tonight and the bed warm.” His hand slipped up to her waist. A sly and gross smile displayed on his face.

Uramichi saw the young girl flinch. He’s not sure if it’s the drinks rushing through his body, but he quickly got up. “You should lay your grimy hands off people who don’t want it on them.” He glared at the gruff man. “Especially not my girlfriend.” Uramichi wrapped his arm around her waist and pulled her away from the man.

A gasp left the girl's mouth when she heard him. She stumbled back and felt his toned chest on her back. Despite smelling like cigarettes and alcohol, he was warm.

Uramichi now understood the situation. She wasn’t trying to hit on him or take him back to her place, vice versa. She was trying to protect herself from some man making inappropriate advancements on her. He didn’t like men like that one bit. The girl in his arms didn’t deserve this, no one did.

He could feel her trembling under his arm, so he pulled her closer. He slightly moved Utano to the side and had the girl sit next to his seat.

“Hey listen! She was the one asking for it!” The man defended his actions. “Dancing on the dance floor and swaying her hips.” He licked his lips.

Uramichi was disgusted.

“She was simply enjoying herself. In no sense was she asking for you, or anyone, to come talk to her.” He glared at the man. “She has me to come back to.” Uramichi smirked.

This was extremely out of character for him, but he couldn’t stand by and let someone get harassed. Not when she came to his table for help as well. The stranger, no longer interested, cursed him out. He knew he’d have no chances of winning in a fight against Uramichi. All those muscles weren’t just for show. He walked away, leaving the tree of them at the table.

“Thank you.” He heard her say behind him.

He was grateful she was unharmed. He gave her a fresh glass of water to cool down from the recent event.

“My name's Y/N.” She put her hand out to shake his. “Mines Uramichi.” He replied.

“Sorry to have bothered you and your girlfriend. You didn’t have to do that.” The girl was afraid to look up at him.

She’s right. He didn’t have to, “but it was the right thing to do. I’m glad you’re safe.” He shook her hands. ‘They’re soft.’ He thought to himself. Especially against his own rough palm. “Also,” he pointed to the passed out Utano, “not my girlfriend. Just a coworker. Out with coworkers after clocking out.” He explained and sat down next to her. She seems to have calmed down.

She made an ‘Ah’ face and apologized for the misunderstanding. She looked at him properly for the first time, ‘He’s handsome.’ she thought to herself. Right as she was about to excuse herself, Uramichi spoke up, “you’re free to stay with us at the table until you leave.” He proposed, “for safety measures.” She took him up on his offer and thanked him for his generosity. He reminded her of an older brother figure.

Usahara came back to their table, confused, yet happy, to see the unfamiliar, pretty girl. Right after him, Iketeru and Kumatani joined their table. They all had questioning looks. Uramichi explained what had happened and the girl kept saying thank you.

Kumatani scolded her for coming to a club alone late at night. Iketeru sang random tunes to lighten up the mood. Usahara attempted to flirt with her but Uramichi glared at him each time. Utano’s still passed out. From what he’s noted, she’s shy but gets along with others with ease. Maybe he’ll hang around a bit longer. It’ll be rude of him to not walk his “girlfriend” back home.

Author’s Note:

This came out better in my head, I swear! As a manga reader, I like to think Uramichi actually considers his coworkers his friends 🥺 Thank you for the requests so far! I see y’all thirsty for a specific person at the moment aye 👀 they should be up by the end of the week, be on the look out!

Also I wanted to thank you all for the support you have shown me so far 💜 it means a lot and truly does motivate me to continue writing. Feel free to DM me if you want someone to talk about the anime with XD

Enjoy!

[lowkeyclueless5137]

Cuz I lost EBG

And still I don't want to tarnish the program ;-; cuz me is a lazyass....

I present to you! Chibis!

Again, the SD picrew said 'suffer <3' so I went in manually (again)

Mammon the magicless student au chibs!

I am really asking for the OM fandom to cut my head, don't I? Nonetheless... I have small sheets for them so I'll share them along my thoughts on each one of them regarding the process of changing... (+mishaps)

Small note!

My process of making chibis is to make them in the picrew and then go in and draw over them... It takes a bit and this ones were before the RSA uniform update...

So let's start this!

He was surprisingly easy to make... Actually, if I'm honest, the only things I did to this bby is to add him a smol fang, accentuate the eye color(at all of them I did it) and also give a bit more color to the bandage...

His coffin icon was more of a thinking process... I wanted to portray the Mammon that heis in here ✨magicless✨... I won't elaborate in here though :)

Another easy one... although for the eyes I literally picked from the og SD the color... the actual difference is the gloves... It took a bit to center the finger line (and pick the color), but he was actually a relaxing process...

Still a bit salty about the fact that I couldn't move the suit mark... But after a bit I said fuck it and moved on... I even found a valid motive for it so it's too late now... (I completely forgot then that I could redraw it)

*inhales* he had pink hair before... I'm serious... HOT PINK HAIR

So I turned it to orange through my pallete picking and the whole tracing and recoloring... Then I showed my friend @kurokiesimping and they said that the eyes are too big... so I looked and realized that the eyes changed shape so I just screamed into the void cuz I already did the hair and I didn't want to re-center and recolor them completely... so I tried to cut them 🙃

But if it wasn't for them, Beel would be less accurate(not that he is entirely) than now... So a big thanks to them!

HE LITERALLY HAD NOTHING TO CHANGE

Except accentuating the eye color and making longer gloves... but it's like... bearly a change... they were last minute cuz ye...

The coffin icon was more of a challenge color wise... I still don't know if I got it right...

He really said he has to be perfect on the first try huh?

THIS MF

He was blonde at first... then I said to torture myself... the og SD hair color looked bad on the chibi so it took me 30 DAMN MINUTES to just pick the main color.

But I'm the proudest about Asmo... he looks really nice and just dramatic... Which considering my trash art skills... ye...

Just... just look at this pretty boi!

Haha.... crappy hair shape go brrrr

Levi... dear, baby, precious Otaku....

WHY THE FUCK DID YOU HAVE THAT HELMET HAIR?!

Like... I initially wanted him to have like some spaghetti like hair... but the picrew didn't have that option (note it down pls: curly hair and afro options) So I said fuck it again and decided to go with the steel helmet...

Then I realized that the purple wasn't beating with the cannon... :/ you know where this is going...

I accidentally deleted the main color layer and blew a whole casket cuz it didn't save... (courtesy of my lil sis)

THIS MF(2)

He looks crappy... but I legit stood a whole day over this one...

The hair, the colors, the shades... Belphegor gave me a FIELD TRIP...

Ye there so much to elaborate over this and lament... but it's here... there could be room for improvement, but I do not want to go and do it over again... ;-;

This is all!

I hope you enjoy them...

And I hope I was accurate enough...

Again a big thanks to my friend for helping me out with Beel! ✨

Until next time! Bye!

[11037-but-make-it-gay]

Ok, Sonia Nevermind is nice and all (I actually do enjoy her character), but what if instead of her was Kaito Momota?

Actually, Sonia could replace Kaito if you think of it and vice versa.

SPOILERS FROM DANGANRONPA 2 AND DANGANRONPA V3

Sonia Nevermind in V3

- She will be one of the few believing in Kaede's plan and will defend her (just like Kaito did). She also would understand Shuichi's pain after losing Kaede and would try to make her sacrifice into something positive (just how she did with Gundham's own punishment. She took the good part out of it and got more determined to survive and leave the island with everyone)

- She could help Shuichi with his character development, thought it might not be as obviously as it was with Kaito. She could be that one character always trusting into Shuichi, believing in his ultimate and understanding the pressure behind it. Sonia could actually relate to Shuichi, as she also has to have been put in a lot of situations where she had to take decisions that might affect some people negatively. There's no way to make everyone happy, all you can do is find the best course of action so most of them would be. Or something like that.

- She could actually help the relationship between Kokichi and everyone else. Be that bridge they needed for them to coexist together peacefully.

- She would be over the moon of happiness during chapter 3. Being able to visit Kiyo's laboratory?? Monokuma bringing the motive of bringing someone back to life??? Kiyo trying to do a seance ?!?!? That's literally her chapter (and the chance to kill her, if you no longer want her in the story)

- omg she and Kiyo would totally be close friends. Or at least be in good terms. I could see Sonia listening to Kiyo with the same fascination like she did with Gundham. (Thought idk how she would act upon finding that he wanted to kill her because 'she was the perfect friend for his sister'). And Kiyo would enjoy finding more about Novoselic's own traditions.

- Also I could see Sonia agreeing with Kokichi's plan without the whole 'I saved your life you own me' shit. As long as it will end the killing game and save everyone, she would do it (or, at least, she gives me the vibes of someone willing to sacrifice themselves for the sake of others. I might be wrong, tho. Yet again, she's a princess. She should be prepared for a scenario as such.)

- 'what about Maki?'. Bold of you to assume that Sonia Nevermind wouldn't be able to befriend the shit out of Maki.

- Um,,, M-Maki getting a crush on Sonia? 👉🏻👈🏻 UwU

Kaito Momota in 2

- He could bring optimism and positivity to the group

- Ok I'm gonna be honest I only want him here so he could help with Kazuichi's character development cuz gosh he needs one

- BUT Kaito would be funny to have around.

- And he could also help with Hiyoko's own character development! It would be hard, yeah, but he could help her before chapter 3 takes place

- He could also punch Nagito in the face, if you are into that.

- And would probably warm to Mechamaru first. See all the positive things of being a robot and shit.

- Did I say how cool it would be for Kaito to be in Danganronpa 2? Because it would be cool.

- Oh. Hiyoko would totally try to bully Kaito too. And most of the time she would get a reaction from it which is funny for her. Let her have some fun Mikan only knows how to cry. She needs diversity in her life yk.

[littlemissagrafina]

Cuz if I don't leave this town, I might never make it out

Read on AO3

When Peter was younger, he had loved New York, the house he lived in with his family in Queens, and his Aunt and Uncle’s apartment.

They were his home, the city was his home, and he couldn't have ever imagined being anywhere else. He was happy, and he was content.

And then his parents died and he lost a piece of his home, of his content and happiness. But he was lucky. He still had family, he still had his Ben and his May.

For a few years, that was okay. Peter was okay. His home was a bit less full and happy, but he had May and Ben. They'd been getting their contentment back but here was a bad time in the middle of the good that had been growing. 

It's name was Steven 'Skip' Westcott. Peter couldn't remember who that was, but he never wanted to if the wrenching emotions that swirled in his stomach whenever the name was said was any indication.

Peter couldn’t remember, but he didn't want or need to, to know that another piece of happy had been taken from his home. The city no longer felt as wondrous as it used to. The bad parts had become a bit more visible, now.

They stood out even more after Peter and May lost Ben. The good and bad of Queens and New York, of his home, balanced perfectly together.

That was when Spider-Man was born and the city started dipping more between the bad side and the good side with each patrol that Peter went out on.

With each cry for help, each gunshot, crash, gleaming knife, grieving wail, and flying fist, the bad became worse.

But with those also came the thank-you's, the smiles, cheers, laughter, celebration, and hugs, the things that made the good evident.

Peter would never forget the first time that he spoke to Tony about the exhaustion that being between those things brought. His mentor just smiled at him, something soft and sad and filled with understanding.

"There's a fine line between love and hate, Peter. Those standing on it, wish for the love, but can't help but see the hate."

Both of those things disappeared along with Peter when Thanos came.

---

Coming back from the dead was harder for some than for others.

For Peter, he wasn't sure if he had been Dead or just Gone. He only knew that he hadn't been Anywhere at all.

He wondered if some of him had been left behind when he was brought back from Wherever he had been.

Coming back for him had been both the easiest and the hardest. There were a million and one knew things, but also a million and one old things. Things Peter knew, and things he had yet to still discover. So many differences.

There were even some old things that had new things mixed in with them. It was confusing.

One of those old and new mixed things was his city and his home. 

Sitting on the rooftop of his and May's apartment that Tony had somehow kept in the time they were Gone, Peter looked out over the city and realised that he didn't see the good and the bad anymore.

Instead it was all grey and wrong and bad. He struggled to see the good, looking for the laughter and celebration and happiness but only found wrongness. A strangeness and disconnect.

If this was home, then Peter no longer wanted to be here.

What was once big and wondrous, and bustling, now felt suffocating, dreary, and stuck.

Peter hated it and himself for feeling that way. It was his home, he was meant to love it and feel comfortable and content. He shouldn't want to run away without a second thought and never return.

It felt like all of the good and love it had held before had been taken away. Left behind in the Nowhere.

---

Peter tried to ignore it. The differences he felt in himself and in his home.

He went out to school, visited May at work, Tony and Pepper and Morgan at the lake house, spent time with his family (which, wow, he had that again). He had even made friends with Harley Keener when Tony had moved the teen and his family up to New York. He went out on his patrols, had lab days with Tony, and spent countless days with Ned, Harley, and MJ.

Slowly, Peter built up a routine of it all. And it helped him. It kept him busy and occupied and in turn kept him from getting caught up in wanting to leave and just run.

It came tumbling down after he graduated. The differences became glaring and bright once again.

With no classes or homework occupying his days, Peter started patrolling more and spending more time around the city as Spider-Man.

It wasn't so bad in the beginning, it almost felt freeing to be able to go out at whatever time he wanted, but as the summer went along, it started putting a strain on him.

Ned and MJ were busy preparing to leave for college, Harley was finishing up his highschool internship in the R&D labs, and Peter wasn't going anywhere, having decided to take a gap year before going off to college himself.

He was stuck here and it was starting to get to him again, just like when he'd first come back from Nowhere.

The walls of his and May's apartment were too much. It was all the same yet everything was different. Nothing had changed yet everything had.

The lab wasn't enough to keep him stimulated, his inspiration for any tinkering or inventing was nonexistent.

His motivation to patrol and spend time in the suit dwindled to almost nothing, and when he did go out, he was continually reminded of the things he had seen, done, and stopped. He was reminded of things that had happened in the past

A robbery on 6th made him think of Ben.

Assault in a back alley brought Skip back to light.

A little girl and her parents looking for her lost teddy bear was Peter and his own late parents looking for his plushie when he was younger.

A frisbee in a nearby park was a shield.

A firework one night was the plane and Vulture on the beach.

Over and over his patrols brought up more and more things he would rather forget, until eventually he didn't want to go out anymore. 

Until, to his horror, Peter became bitter towards his home. He loved it, he did. It was a part of him. He'd been born there, raised there, lost and found family there.

But that wasn't enough anymore. There was an aching need in his chest to just leave. To go somewhere far away and just be himself without the city influencing him, and without the influence of his family and of Spider-Man.

He couldn't go, though. May was here, Tony, Pepper, and Morgan were here. Harley was here. Ned and MJ too when they would be home from college.

Peter had responsibilities as a nephew, pseudo son, and Spider-Man that, as much as he wanted to, he couldn't ignore.

So he tried to suck it up and do what he had to do. Go on in silence.

---

Peter sat on a couch in the tower penthouse, Tony and May across from him on another.

He'd known that Tony and May had noticed he was difficult, but he didn't know how to assure them that he was fine and happy and okay when he was so far from it.

Peter rubbed the palms of his hands over his jeans, resting his elbows on his knees and looking up at his aunt and dad from under his curly, almost-fringe. "I don't know what you guys expect from me." 

"We don't expect anything from you, Roo. All we want is for you to be okay. We've seen that you've been struggling for a while now." Tony trailed off slightly, looking almost unsure of himself, and May continued speaking.

"We thought we'd let you have the time you obviously needed to yourself after everything, and for a while it seemed like it was working. It isn't anymore, is it" May phrased it like a question but Peter knew that it wasn't.

He sighed, and shook his head. "No, it isn't. It's not like I can change anything, though, I just have to suck it up."

Tony's eyes narrowed. "And why can't it be changed, huh? Kid, if you talk to us, actually talk, we can figure–"

"Tell you about what, Tony?" Peter snapped, irritation flaring up out of nowhere; his head whipping up to stare at them with eyes filled with a pained desperation that neither Tony or May had been aware was so strong.

Peter carried on, the strength to keep his feelings tucked away finally failing him. "Tell you what? That I hate it here as much as I love it, that I don't want to be here, that I'm depressed and anxious all the time, that I can't patrol because I see every bad thing that's happened to me each time I do, or that I see the good things too?"

He stood up from the couch, moving to pace between it and the ceiling to floor windows, voice rising with his emotions. "What about that fact that I feel left behind seeing everyone move on and go to college and grow and form lives all the whole I'm stuck I the fucking past and present all that time. Or should I tell you about wanting to be back in the Nowhere because at least it was quiet and peaceful and I didn't have to deal with any of this there?"

"How the fuck am I supposed to tell you all that and expect you to understand or even for it to make any difference at all. None of that changes anything, anyway." His voice had faded to a whisper by the end.

A hand rested on his shoulder, turning him gently. Peter met May's eye's, her expression a strange mix of sadness and determination. 

"And why doesn't it change anything?" She asked him. "Why can't you just go, get away and find some peace for the first time in your life?"

Petter huffed out a breath, "Because I have responsibilities, May! I can't just leave them! I have school next year, Spider-Man, and you guys–"

"So?" Tony said, coming to stand by them. "Peter, none of those are worth your happiness and wellbeing. School can wait, Spider-Man isn't the only vigilante around anymore, and I can guarantee that all of us, as your family, would understand and want you to be able to find your freedom and happiness."

"He's right, you know." The three of them looked over at the doorway to the living room.

"If it's forcing you to stay somewhere you're not happy, or letting you go to wherever you might find that happiness, I know which I would choose." Harley said as he stepped into the room.

He closed the distance and gave Peter a crooked smile as he stopped in front of him. "Spoiler alert, it's always the second one."

Harley's smile dropped quickly, a seriousness enveloping him. "For real, Darlin', all of us want you to be okay."

Peter shook his head weakly, looking between three of the people who cared most for him. "But–" He started to say before he was cut off once again.

"But what? We've already said you can." Tony said.

"Because I shouldn't! I can't just run away from my problems like that." Peter protested, trying to explain that he couldn't leave, despite not really knowing why he couldn't himself.

Harley poked him in the shoulder, ignoring his boyfriend's indignant huff. "No, bad spider. Stop it." When Peter looked like he was going to interrupt, Harley shushed him. "Nope. I'm about to say really wise words of boyfriend wisdom. Don't interrupt the magic."

"If it were me wanting to leave, would you call it running away from my problems?"

Peter immediately shook his head. "No! Of course not!"

Harley looked at him smugly. "So then why is it running away when it's you, huh? Why is it any different if it was me and not you?"

Peter floundered, clearly trying to think up an argument. After a few seconds, his shoulders dropped and he sighed. "I don't know." He muttered 

 "I still don't know how I'd just go, anyway. I'd need to get money for plane tickets, I'd need passports, visa's, and whatever the hell else you need when you travel and–"

He was interrupted for what felt like the thousandth time. Which, rude.

"And I would get you all of that, Peter." Tony said in a way that gave Peter no doubt that he would.

May stepped closer to him, and cradled his face gently in her hands. "Peter, baby. You need this. Please accept our help. Let yourself need a hero instead of being the hero for everyone else." 

Peter nodded. "Okay." 

"Yeah?" Tony and May asked at the same time. 

"Yeah. I'll do it."

May pulled him into a hug, one hand running through his curls and cupping his head as if he was a small child again. 

Harley and Tony both smiled at him.

"Let's do this."

---

"You good?" Harley asked Peter, slipping his hand into his as they walked over soft sands, waves crashing next to them.

Peter was silent as they walked on, only speaking when they slowed to a stop and turned to look out at the vast, crystal waters before them.

He shook his head.

"I'm not okay. But I want to be."

He turned and smiled at Harley, the setting sun lighting his eyes in glowing honey shades.

"I will be."

[miyosamu]

Bokuto & Kenma with a boyfriend

Bokuto Koutarou 

everyone on the team learned that bokuto has a thing for someone once they noticed how he got even livelier and more show off-y when certain people were in the crowd during their practices 

so they went through a whole elimination process to figure out who it was

at first, they just looked at all the girls who’d often come to practice and if bokuto was acting show off-y even when they weren’t present then they’d get eliminated 

and they kept doing this until they went through all the girls

and it was none of them 

so they got ?????

and they did it again to double-check

same result

so then they were like    o k let’s try it with the guys i guess lol lol

and bam

they found you

konoha knew you cuz you were in the same class as him so he was like holy shit does bokuto have a crush on y/n

so they kept an eye on you for a whole week and observed bokuto’s reaction to your presence/absence and there was no doubt that it was definitely you that he was crushing on 

one day during their practice break konoha called you over to talk and bokuto imMEDIATLY perked up

‘konoha knows him?? what’s his name?? what’s their relationship? can he introduce us??’ a bunch of these thoughts went through his head

and while konoha was talking to you he was trying his best not to burst out laughing at bokuto hovering around over your shoulder trying to gauge if and when there would be a good time to insert himself into your conversation

you had just started coming to their practices recently after a friend of yours dragged you to one of their matches and despite you “not being into volleyball” you were totally hooked on watching fukurodani play

you were especially intrigued and impressed by a certain Loud Powerful Ace and so you had become addicted to bokuto’s energy during his plays

something about watching him play was very exciting and he just made you want to keep cheering him on

now

you said all this confiding in konoha

but he totally took it as a chance to drag bokuto into the convo being like ‘Yo ace !! y/n over here was totally touched by your plays’

and i swear to god you’ve never seen someone pop out of nowhere so quiCKLY before in your entire life

he just popped up by your side and he wAS ALL SPARKLY EYED AND EXCITED WITH A CUTE BLUSH ACROSS HIS CHEEKS

he was just as overwhelming talking to you as he was with his presence on the court.

honestly, you were hugely thrown off by how over-excited and slightly overbearing he was since you two didn’t technically know each other Like That

but his wholehearted energy and his obvious reverence to the game and just The Pure JOY he exhibited at what konoha said you said about him was just too wholesome you couldn’t help but be fond of him

and bam

that’s it after that bokuto just latched onto you whenever he could

always trying to get closer to you

and you obviously couldn’t reject his advances i mean come on look at him

and when you two finally got in a relationship 

god

g o d

the way bokuto loves is so overabundant 

it just swallows  you whole 

you can see it you can feel it

he loves in a way that’s so unrestrained he loves with every ounce of his energy it just pours out of him

he wears his heart on his sleeve more than anyone else 

which makes your relationship simple yet complex at the same time

in the long run however, he really ruins other people for you

bokuto is the kind of boyfriend you’d find yourself comparing others to

like if your significant other doesn’t love you as much as bokuto would, are they really the one for you?? 

hmm much to think about

bokuto has a Huge Thing for you calling him koutarou

it just hits different 

not a lot of people call him by his first name even amongst his bestest friends so it makes it feel ~extra special~ coming from you

he has another Huge Thing for you wearing his jersey, just seeing his fukurodani shirt with his number on it on you just hits all the right spots for him he finds it difficult to keep his hands to himself whenever you have it on. 

it’s also such a motivational boost for him during matches 

when he looks at the bleachers and sees you there wearing his spare jersey and smiling so brightly at him it just erases all of his doubts and clears all his fatigue making him feel rejuvenated

akaashi begs you to attend all their matches wearing that jersey now because you really level up his plays 

when you two are alone he gets surprisingly quiet

which i think is not something people would often expect from someone as eccentric as bokuto but it’s true

at the end of the day when it’s just you and him his body totally relaxes, he’s not as reckless, he’s not as loud

he just likes to lay down with you and touch you in some way and just   talk 

bask in each other’s presence basically

one of his favorites Come Down rituals when the day’s over is to lay down and have you kiss his bruises (cuz he gets those a lot) and have you stroke his back as he rests his head on your chest

bokuto can be very vocal with his love towards you he has no issue telling you he loves you or conveying how much he adores you, but he actually prefers to show it through special gestures he attained over his time with you

before going to bed, he likes to kiss your chest right over the spot where your heart is and it’s his way of demonstrating how much he cherishes you

sometimes during the day, he’d tap the nearest part of you he could reach three times and it’s his way of reminding you “i love you”  

and of course, if you ever wanted to hear those words out loud sometime, you can just tell him and he’d shower you for hours with the sincerest confessions

bokuto is not someone who can easily get genuinely angry

but if anyone were to make disgusting comments towards you and you guys’ relationship 

oohhh boy

that’s one of the fastest ways to fucking set him ablaze

he WOULD resort to violence he has no issue decking someone in the face for being a homophobic prick  

he prefers not to of course, considering his status and just the overall kind of person he is

but he has his limits too

and you are a limit no one is allowed to test.

which is something everyone came to learn fairly quickly 

god this is getting so long

i just   love bokuto so much i still have so much i wanna say about him ksdhfsjdfuhdf so many aspects of him i wanna cover

and i still have kenma to do jfc i have no idea what i’ll write for him

often times it seems like bokuto has an endless supply of energy and it fools a lot of people into thinking he’s a man with little struggles

which is Not True

he crashes quite often and he has mental breaks more than one would normally assume from someone like him

and during those times he has this weird phase where he gets extra clingy but then distances himself

and you have to work your way around that carefully and you have to think about what you’ll say cuz if what you say isn’t clear enough or if it’s something that could have double meaning it will throw bokuto off and make him think of the worst

as i said earlier, due to bokuto wearing his heart on his sleeve it does make the relationship simple but during times like these it makes it complex because of how sensitive he is

bokuto is extremely emotionally intelligent

he’ll pick up on any emotional cues from you

he’s especially aware of the ones that are along the lines of discomfort or distress

because it’s His Duty as your loving boyfriend to comfort you

be it with his words or with his hugs

speaking of which

bokuto, hands down, gives the best hugs

periodt

kisses from bokuto always border on make outs jdjcjd

he LOVES VERY STRONGLY AND WOULD LIKE TO SHOW IT VERY STRONGLY

so you have to ensure he doesn’t kiss you in public because it WILL take longer than it is socially acceptable to kiss your s/o in public

bokuto shows you off to everyone willing to listen

which, at this point, isn’t a lot of people but he’ll still do it

‘this is my sexy beautiful boyfriend and i love every bit of him look at him isn’t he the best? he’s the best trust me i know’

all in all

10/10 would date

totally worth it

best boyfriend

he adores you

kenma knew you through lev

you were lev’s best friend and so you were doing your obligatory duties as his best friend to show up to their matches and check up on him during practice

everyone on the team knew you really

and honestly, kenma always liked you

you weren’t as overbearing as most other people and you never pushed yourself into his personal space forcefully

kuroo thought you were doing an amazing job at making their resident recluse feel comfortable around you

now when i say kenma liked you

it wasn’t like anything serious

he just preferred you to other people

of course, he thought you were handsome and had a nice personality

but still

he just liked you as a person

but then one day

their manager fell extremely ill right before a tournament and they needed someone to fill in their place

all eyes turned on you

you usually helped the managers whenever you passed by during practice and you were familiar enough with everything to do a good job

plus everyone liked you so

they unanimously picked you for the job and called it a day

that was the first time you ever heard kuroo’s pre-game speech

yknow the one kenma found extremely embarrassing about keeping your blood flowing and supplying oxygen to the brain

you thought it was lovely and poetic when you heard it but you didn’t quite get the analogy

so you asked

and kuroo explained it to you while kenma was cringing half to death behind him

the more kuroo explained it to you the more you understood how truly amazing kenma actually was

by the end of kuroo’s explanation, you were in absolute awe 

you couldn’t help but turn to kenma with an expression of repressed excitement and go “KENMA-SAN YOU’RE SO INCREDIBLE!?!?!!!!”

and man 

your sparkly eyes, your slightly flushed cheeks, your  sincere astonishment, your grin

it made kenma’s heart do something

a flutter

a squeeze 

he didn’t know but it was something

he just stood there in bewilderment with his eyes wide as he started feeling things the longer he looked at looking at him like that 

you tugged at his little heartstrings

kuroo, being kuroo, totally knew what was going on and he just outright snorted 

it was in shock more than anything really 

he couldn’t believe what was happening he never saw kenma like that before 

kenma snapped out of his daze due to kuroo’s snort and he quickly ducked his head to hide his blush behind his hair and just let out a little “mhm” before passing you and going to the court

you knew kenma was often a man of a few words but you couldn’t help but worry if you had somehow upset him

he never brushed you off like that before this felt different 

maybe you stood too close in his personal space or something 

you had decided you were gonna apologize later and silently hoped that whatever just happened wouldn’t affect the game

surprise surprise though

kenma’s plays and calls throughout the entire match were impeccable

it left their opponents stunned he had them all figured out 

needless to say, nekoma had a certain victory that day

while the team was celebrating and rightfully fawning over kenma, you had been looking at him when he glanced up at you 

you smiled at him and gave him a rather enthusiastic thumb’s up

you saw firsthand how kenma’s expression instantly changed

how his eyes widened slightly, how his body stiffened from surprise, and how his cheeks were coloured red from something other than exertion 

and then    it clicked

you stood there stunned as the realization dawned on you 

could it be,,,, kenma   liked you-

you cut off the thought before it even fully started because that’s just ridiculous there’s no way

suddenly an arm was thrown over your shoulder 

it was kuroo’s

and one look at his face just confirmed everything 

and sent you in absolute panic

holyshitholyshitholyshitkenmapossiblylikedyouwhattheheckohmygod

kuroo, who felt your panic, laughed and patted you on the back reassuringly

“relax man hey take your time. this is new for both of you and we don’t know if it will even go anywhere.” 

-but i kinda want it to- you thought

kuroo leaned closer to you and whispered sleazily “hhooo you want it to huh you have the hots for kenma dont ya dont ya hohohoooo what do you want to do to my best friend you fiend”

HE’S SO ANNOYING HELPJFKSHDKG WHY IS HE SO PRECEPTIVE 

before you could bite back at him he stood back at full length and looked at you “honestly though? i think you have a solid chance with him”

that single sentence repeated itself the entire bus ride back 

and it continued to plague your mind for the following couple of weeks as you were weighing the pros and cons of this situation 

over these couple of weeks, you were fixated a bit too much on kenma you couldn’t help but notice how cute he was

his little habits and the little faces he pulled as he played his video games were all too endearing 

you tried to test the waters a few times here and there by getting friendlier than you usually would

yknow just to gauge his reactions

which you came to discover were also so fucking cute 

he got nervous and a bit jumpy and the tips of his ears would tint red 

but he never refused you and displayed any type of discomfort 

so one afternoon while you two were on court cleaning duty you decided to ask him out 

“kenma-san, you know   the arcade a couple blocks over? i heard they installed some new games over the past weekend so,, i was wondering if you’d like to go check them out with me. yknow after we’re done here and all…”

you gulped at the tense silence that followed and wondered for a split second if you should add “haha yknow as two friends buddies good bros hanging out ahah”

as you were stuck in your own thoughts kenma let out a little huff and gave you a soft smile “i’d love to” 

you heart went wooOOSH at the sight of his smile

whether you were good or bad at video games it didn’t really matter to kenma

he enjoys your company regardless and your reactions to the games amuse him 

and this is something that’ll stay constant throughout your relationship

kenma loves games and you love him so whatever your stance was on video games previously didn’t matter because you loved engaging in something that kenma loved 

and you also knew that he loved sharing his interest with you

even if you sucked at one game or the other you could get a good laugh out of him from it and it totally makes everything worth it 

he, of course, would engage you in what interested you as well 

it’s a fair and sweet trade

you guys’ relationship would progress kinda slowly but also not really?? like the pace suit you guys 

one of the most hilarious things you had the pleasure of witnessing is kenma raging over a game 

you have never seen kenma so animated before and it sENDS

but that’s not your favourite part

your favourite part is when he’s decided he’s had enough so he just leaves the controller and searches for you 

he just plops down and burries his face in your stomach while wrapping his arms around you and, depending on how frusterated he is, he’d either let out a really loud groan or just sigh defeatedly into your stomach 

if you pet his hair he hums and you don’t think he’s aware but you’ll never tell him cuz you don’t want him to stop

KENMA LITTLE SPOON

something that can be a little puzzeling with kenma is that even though he’s touch and affection starved, he’s not a touchy person so   being affectionate is a hit or miss

he’ll never reject your advances for physical affection cuz you’re his boyfriend 

but it’s rare for him to be the one intiating it 

PDA is not a thing 

like ever

not even holding hands 

this is new for kenma and he’s so aware of the fact that you’re both guys

he’d just want it to be known between you guys and your trusted circle 

but he knows that it sometimes can be upsetting so he does what he can to make it easier

he stands closer to you, enough to feel his body warmth

when he walks beside you sometimes he’ll let the back of his hands brush yours 

yknow just little things that go unoticed to everyone else but it means a lot to you 

being in a relationship with kenma just means being in the recieving end of a lot of little things that come together and make it wholesome

kenma      gives these small quick kisses out of nowhere that make your heart stop for that split second but then by the time you processed it he’s already gone on his way 

they kinda feel like kitten licks they’re so quick and small 

!!!!!! THIS NEXT HEADCANON CONTAINS A SPOILER FROM THE MANGA SO IF YOU‘RE NOT CAUGHT UP PLEASE SKIP THE NEXT POINT !!!!!!!!!

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on kenma’s youtube videos and streams there are a lot of videos where you appeared in the background doing your thing or just moments where you just check up on him, maybe bring him some food/water, and because of it a lot of his subscribers ship you guys together and whenever kenma comes by comments regarding that he smiles a little and even though he’ll never comment on it, it does kinda make him giddy 

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!!!! OK YOU CAN READ NOW !!!!

kenma has this Special Look that’s reserved just for you and it’s so so soft and full of adoration and he usually gives you that look when you’re not looking

his friends see it though and it makes them so happy seeing kenma like this 

you make kenma happy

[iayhifbigyakwiltbsywps]

Fuckkk I had something really long written but my connection failed and now I can’t find it but this is important if you or someone you know has adhd and takes stimulant medications like methylphenidate. This will probably be weird because I wrote the original like 12 hours ago and I just got home so if the other one magically reappears then they will be really different.

Basically I wanted to make people aware that taking stimulant medications has the potential to do more harm than good. I have adhd and have drank concerta since the third grade and im currently in 11th. I have been noticing throughout the 2019-now time period that I really have lost all motivation and that I don’t really have interest in anything even getting up to eat. And I was like ‘well that’s not alright’ and so I did what every one does: I googled it. I asked google “can adhd medications cause brain damage and lessen motivation?” And honestly I was not really expecting an answer, kinda just hoping to see blankness and be relived that it was just something random I thought. Boy was I surprised.

I actually found this:

This is literally the answer I was too scared to find because a) it proved my suspicions correct and did kinda bring a different kind of relief in knowing I’m not just hysteric and b) this hit wayyy too close to home. The part in blue feels wayyy too familiar to me because all I do Is be on my bed on my phone most of tinge time and my parants keep getting concerned and like “go get a job, find a hobby, do something!” And I am honestly strangely alright with my situation, like I hate it but I still don’t try to change it because I can’t!

Forgot what else I could of said there on the fist draft, but onto the next peice of evidence!

This pretty much said that this meds were tested on rats and that the rats ended up losing all motivation to even react when they should be looking to escape a bad situation. That once the medication stops we no longer have drive to motivation.

This also states that the nucleus accumbens is the part of the brain that forms motivation into action and when you take these meds your actually risking it shrinking and leading to no motivational drive.

Also that there are other options if you are convinced you or your child needs help to lead a successful life then there are other options that are not stimulants!

I also found some videos but could only resurfaced one which I think is the most important: https://youtu.be/nif8TFPhjuI

This video basically talks about one of the beginning trails of adhd medications that ended up being a huge success after the recorded 14 months that this trial was conducted, but what most people who do their research probably don’t dig deep enough to check that after they took the pills away they came back 3 years later to see how they faired. Turns out that the my were actually worse and the adhd was too much or something. ( sorry I’m trying to remember what I wrote but I only slept like 10 minutes last night and it’s already 1am so my eyes are shutting)

I can’t remember much right nos but if I find the other articles or videos Ik re log or something.

Here are the links to the articles:

https://www.nytimes.com/roomfordebate/2012/06/09/fewer-prescriptions-for-adhd-less-drug-abuse/adhd-drugs-have-long-term-risks

https://www.leonardsax.com/stimulants.htm

There were more but I’m fighting To stay awake right now sorry.

Oh I just remembered something:

This is what happens when you give stimulants to a brain that is underdeveloped (brains aren’t yet developed until they are like 21) so if y’all need meds try taking non stimulants or else you’ll just cause growth problems for yourself

I really hope some people find this useful and that no one goes through what I am cuz it really kinda sucks and I hate it but I can’t do much to change it.

Also after hours trying to figure out a way to tell my mom I had finally told her and you know what she said? She said “if we take you of these meds will you promise to try to care about yourself more?” And like I didn’t say anything but sure mom I totally didn’t just work up the courage to try and tell you within the day I found this informants on when it would usually take me months to say things I think are important but yeah I totally need to try a bit more ugh!

Honestly I think it’s shit that I’m not even 18 yet and I already feel like all my fight has gone out of me. Like if it weren’t for my parents that actually care about me I would of let myself starve to death. And now there’s no way to thank them because I can barely move to get food much less show them my thanks. Mom dad I love you and I’m sorry my brain if fucked up.

Hi just a little edit here, I wanted to say that both articles are by the same person I just put the second one because the link didn’t work for me so I had to look for their actual page that was mentioned. But also I read further down on the second article and I saw there are more links to other related articles in the second link where this person wrote their actual research and citations

[bigskydreaming]

Making an additional post to respond to @fuyunoakegata’s response to @fiyaerrigan’s post here without derailing or going too far afield from the OP:

I think an additional thing to consider that the other kids had by benefit of Dick being the eldest is......every single one of them to varying degrees had Dick to look to as a precedent for like.....reassuring themselves that their presence in Bruce’s life wasn’t a temporary thing. Dick’s constant or recurring presence was an affirmation of permanence - that no matter how bad things got between Bruce and one of his kids, since things HAD been very dicey between Dick and Bruce for awhile - Dick still was there, at the end of the day.

Now, the obvious sorta exception to this is in Jason’s POV, with it being a sorta exception cuz there’s a couple different ways you can play this. By emphasizing how much Bruce and Dick were on the outs from Jason’s POV while he was living with Bruce, you CAN cast doubt on the idea that Dick was proof things would never get so bad with Bruce that he would just stop being part of their lives. And then this in turn can be used as a sort of explanation for why Jason was so convinced that there was no coming back from a lot of what he’d done by his return to Gotham, even without the events of UTRH....like, you can make the case that this is why Jason escalated things to that extent period. He thought reconciliation was never truly ever an option.

But by the same token, you can also use the fact that Dick IS reconciled with Bruce by the time of UTRH to seed doubts about this in Jason’s head, because he DOES remember just how bad things were between Bruce and Dick when he was younger....and if they could come back from that, maybe it WASN’T just wishful naivete to think that there could be a future for Bruce and Jason’s relationship as well, y’know?

To cycle back to the beginning though....it should be acknowledged imo that Dick never had the benefit of this proof of permanence, this security blanket of knowing that no matter how bad things got with Bruce, there wasn’t truly a point of no return. That WAS in doubt for him a lot of the time. Which gives him all the more motivation to see what we so often see evidence of in the comics - Dick going above and beyond to stress to his siblings that they aren’t temporary in his eyes, and their connection is not just limited to being via Bruce. They’re his siblings with or without Bruce in the picture.

Now to respond more directly to what @fuyunoakegata had to say in that last reblog addition, I think the fact that Dick is so good at translating what Bruce leaves unspoken is actually a key part of the conflict between Dick and Bruce at so many points. Because the thing is....Dick should never have HAD to become that good at it. He became good at it by necessity, because Bruce does leave a lot unspoken and taken for granted, and at a certain point Dick realized he’d just have to fill in the blanks himself.

But given that Dick was the traumatized kid that Bruce chose to take in as an adult - no matter how young of an adult he was - there’s an inherent disservice in not recognizing that it should never have been on that kid to feel HE had to be the one to bridge the communication divide between himself and his guardian when said communication felt lacking. That is the responsibility of the guardian or parent, its literally a key part of the sense of security its their job to offer the traumatized orphan in their care.

That’s not to say, however, that its not realistic for this to happen this way - and for reasons that actually have nothing whatsoever to do with Bruce, and everything to do with Dick. Because it is possible that Bruce just never quite clued into just how much Dick was assuming the burden of translating Bruce’s intentions into actual communication and filling in the gaps where Bruce was leaving stuff unsaid.....because as I’ve said before, for all their similarities and parallel tragedies, a key part of Dick’s tragedy that Bruce simply couldn’t relate to, was the abandonment fear of being sent away for not being good enough or being too much of a burden. Bruce has HUGE abandonment issues due to his own tragic loss of his parents - but his abandonment issues tend to be more geared around losing people to tragedy or death. 

Now from a parental standpoint, he does have fears of driving his kids away by not being good enough for them or by hurting them in various ways, true.....BUT the specific overlap he lacks is that he’s never really identified from the perspective of a child, with that fear of a parent or guardian not wanting to deal with him or be burdened by him anymore. When he was raised by Alfred, he feared losing Alfred in a variety of ways, but not really so much by driving Alfred away or making him sick of him....because there has always been at least an implicit awareness, even while acknowledging that Alfred basically raised him, that Alfred still technically worked for the Wayne family, and Bruce simply wasn’t ever in a position to feel quite as dependent on Alfred and say...his ‘whims’ or whatever, as other children might in regards to their own parents. Alfred’s loyalty is readily apparent and of a more....fundamental sort than most others can claim, y’know?

So I think one of the key divides between Dick and Bruce, a NATURAL area of oversight for Bruce, who tends to take for granted at times how much he and Dick are alike in certain ways.....is that it wouldn’t necessarily ever occur to Bruce just how much Dick feared being a burden who could and might be sent away at any time he became too difficult to be worth putting up with anymore. And by not realizing how big a role this played in Dick’s thoughts as he grew up, its natural that Bruce wouldn’t necessarily notice just how almost....eager Dick was to jump at filling in gaps in communication himself rather than risk having to insist Bruce clarify himself or his intentions in order to be understood instead. Dick didn’t want to give his guardian any reason to send him packing - so he voluntarily took up the role of Bruce-translator early on, before ever even alerting to Bruce that there was anything about his communication tendencies that might be lacking and left Dick occasionally grasping for assumptions to fill in the blanks.

But see, the problem that naturally arises from this sort of inherent miscommunication or oversight, no matter how understandable it is....is that it over time builds in an expectation or even reliance on Dick doing the majority of the work and emotional labor when it comes to understanding each other. And the precise problem this creates lies in when Dick for whatever reason - such as believing Bruce has already as good as cast him aside and no longer wants to be burdened with him - like, if for whatever reason Dick STOPS doing the majority share of their communication, if he no longer sees a reason to translate Bruce’s thoughts into actual words of affirmation and read approval into his actions or assume the best of Bruce’s intentions......if Dick basically just stops TRYING here, because he’s convinced there’s no longer any reason to try and the worst has already happened, the very thing he was going above and beyond in filling in Bruce’s gaps in communicating himself in order to avoid happening in the first place....

Then Bruce is going to flounder, naturally, because all of a sudden its going to seem like nothing he says or does in the ways he’s always been used to communicating himself like, seem to be getting through to Dick or leaving him with the same understanding or awareness of Bruce’s true feelings that he’s grown used to Dick having, based just on whatever Bruce DOES actually do or say.

So from Bruce’s perspective, its going to be like nothing he says seems to make any impact on Dick or convey to him that Bruce does in fact still love him and care....BECAUSE Bruce hasn’t quite realized yet just how much Dick has HAD to fill in those blanks for himself, because Bruce’s actual communicating of them has not actually involved ever FULLY expressing those sentiments.

Hence, their complete communication breakdown after Dick was fired and/or Jason was made Robin and adopted without consulting or even alerting Dick to the fact beforehand, or reassuring him that this didn’t actually say anything about Bruce’s feelings for his eldest. As well as Bruce’s seeming obliviousness as to why.

And another thing I want to add here is that I always tend to push back a lot against people bringing up how young Bruce was when he took Dick in, and how that explains his lapses in parenting....

Because the thing this fails to take into account IMO is that like.....by and large, and with obvious occasional exceptions like Robin: Year One.....its almost unanimously agreed that Bruce was at his BEST as a parent to Dick - whether thinking of himself as his father yet or not - in their early years together. So I don’t see how Bruce’s young age can excuse his later lapses in parenting Dick, when it was at his YOUNGEST, that Bruce was at his BEST in parenting Dick. To me, his age has nothing to do with it. The difference in Bruce’s effectiveness in being a parent to Dick at various stages in my mind lies entirely in the fact that in those early years, Bruce was most consistently putting in his most effort into being there for Dick, being the person Dick needed him to be, etc. 

Basically, those early years were so good between them, compared to other periods, because even with Dick assuming more responsibilities than he ever should have had to - but for completely understandable reasons ie Bruce simply not REALIZING Dick was so desperate to not be a burden he was making sure Bruce never realized there was a problem here at all -  the bottom line was it was in those earliest years that Bruce most consistently TRIED. He put his best foot forward. He did the WORK.

And thus the problem in the later years of Dick’s youth, IMO, had nothing to do with Bruce’s own relative youth - it was that I think Bruce had just gotten comfortable with their dynamic and lost sight of how much of that was due to his own EFFORT. He started to take Dick for granted, and thus defaulted more towards frustration when he didn’t understand why Dick did something or where he was coming from....where previously, he would have been more patient as he applied his intellect towards trying to figure out for himself WHY Dick was acting the way he was or what it might signify.

BUT. The point of all this digression is like.....me working my way around to how there’s not JUST an opportunity for Dick to buttress Bruce’s lapses in parenting for his younger siblings, and for them to benefit from him having gone first.....BUT, if people WANT there to be....there’s also every bit as much to fix or address a lot of the flaws in Bruce and Dick’s relationship via Bruce learning from things with his younger children like....an awareness of WHY he and Dick grew apart and how it can be addressed.

For an example.....with Jason. I’ve commented before on how a lot of authors doing revisitations of Bruce and Jason’s early years together in fic actually do a GREAT job of showcasing how patient Bruce is with him, and understanding of his history and why he behaves in various ways or reacts to things differently than Bruce would or expects.

And a lot of focus is put on how in the comics, when Bruce talks to Dick about why he took Jason in, he describes himself as having seen Jason as being a lot like him, and thus thought he could help him with his anger, etc.

See, I have always, ALWAYS, called bullshit on this point. (And that’s aimed at the comics canon btw, not fic writers).

Because uh, I just don’t see it at all. First off, Jason has always had even less in common with Bruce than Dick did, and second like, the only thing that Bruce has ever pointed to as feeling similar to Jason in....is Jason’s anger.

And like....early Jason, even after the post-Crisis origin retcon, like...wasn’t that angry! His supposed anger issues come from all of like, two different stories and that’s it. And I don’t buy that Jason was the first kid in all the time Bruce had been Batman by that point, that like, Bruce saw as a kindred spirit due to just being ANGRY. Umm, no. Sorry. That doesn’t track for me.

Especially because like....when Bruce first encountered Jason? When he first MADE the decision to take Jason in? First when meeting him stealing his tires, at which point he took him to Ma Gunn, and then after finding out that was a criminal front and deciding to take Jason in himself? Jason was like....literally not even angry in any of those encounters, lol. He just wasn’t.

Jason was scared. He was defiant. He was stubborn. He was proud. He was vulnerable. He was doing his damnedest not to show it. He was a lot of things.

What he wasn’t.....was...angry.

And so I truly don’t believe that Bruce took Jason in for reasons that had anything to do with identifying with him and seeing himself in Jason.

I think Bruce looked at that tiny young vulnerable but proud, spirited and defiant kid before him, utterly unrepentant about stealing Bruce’s tires and then hitting him with a tire iron and then with the Ma Gunn storyline....

And Bruce saw a young Dick Grayson reflected in the boy before him. 

Bruce missed Dick and took Jason in as a kind of do-over, a chance to fix the mistakes he barely understood making with Dick to lose him from his life or drive him away in the first place....and just resolved to do BETTER this time. To not make the same mistakes. To be patient, understanding, to try and get why Jason did and thought the things he did instead of just making his own assumptions.

And the painful irony is that despite Bruce’s best intentions in the comics, history DID repeat himself. He and Jason became estranged, even before Jason’s death - by Bruce projecting himself and his own issues and viewpoints onto Jason rather than see Jason as an entirely different person from him. He grew to take Jason and their dynamic for granted the same way he did with Dick. A significant element of the Garzonas story that never gets talked about is that after they captured Garzonas the second time, after Gloria’s suicide and before taking him into the police where Garzonas ended up just walking again....

Bruce stood back and literally encouraged Jason to take out his anger and frustration on the man. The same way Bruce sometimes did with criminals himself. He literally stood there and watched as Jason vented his anger by beating up Garzonas further.

And THIS is the heart of why Bruce reacted the way he did with Garzonas’ death, I think. Especially when you couple it with how much of Bruce’s reactions in UTRH are based around how HIS entire reason for being unwilling to kill the Joker is because he doesn’t think he could just stop there, couldn’t pull himself back from doing it again. I think Bruce just ASSUMED that Jason had pushed Felipe to his death, because he projected himself into Jason’s shoes, and saw that moment playing out from how he feared HE HIMSELF would have reacted in that moment, if he were say as young as Jason still was at the time, and frustrated by how futile everything felt. He assumed the worst of Jason, because he identified with Jason, and in that moment, was projecting his own worst assumptions of himself in a parallel moment of intense emotional frustration and anger.

Like I said.....he drove Jason away by making the same mistakes he’d made with Dick in essence - he projected too strongly on identifying with them and thus viewing their actions or choices through the lens of how he would behave in similar circumstances and WHY....and he stopped doing the WORK of keeping in mind that they were very different people from him with very different reasons for choosing the things they choose, different histories, different priorities, different contexts.

So the point is like.....instead of letting things play out like that, since fic IS an opportunity to improve upon canon, you can draw upon literally ANY of these ideas, and like.....examine what happens if not only Dick helps his siblings in their relationships with Bruce by drawing from his own experiences with him and the mistakes there.....

But you can also examine what happens if Bruce is helped in his relationship with Dick by drawing from his experiences with his younger children and using those to identify mistakes he made with Dick specifically, and address them even now....instead of just writing off his relationship with Dick as the best it’ll ever be now and damaged beyond further repair and so instead devoting himself to trying to just do better with his younger kids.

Because see what happens then, if you use Bruce’s patience and understanding while raising a young Jason, and awareness of just how different Jason is from him....to glean for HIMSELF, without having to be told by others....an awareness that no, maybe he took in Jason for reasons that had far more to do with regrets having to do with Dick than because of identifying with Jason just himself. And from there.....a simple examination of his relationships with Dick and Jason respectively, like, even just to wonder what’s so different about his differing dynamics with the two and why is so much better now than the other...that’s literally all that’s needed for Bruce to become AWARE of how patient he is with Jason and his seeming idiosyncracies, to acknowledge the work and EFFORT he puts into building and maintaining his relationship with a young Jason....and from there....the realization that....holy shit, he’d taken Dick for granted, and THAT’S why things broke down between them. He’d stopped TRYING to understand Dick the way he was working so hard now to understand Jason, and instead just started getting frustrated with the fact that he so often DIDN’T understand Dick, period.

And once you have Bruce HAVE that epiphany, GAIN that awareness....

Its the easiest thing in the world to just write him GOING to Dick and just like...acknowledging this. Owning his faults. Admitting that he took Dick for granted and put too much reliance on Dick doing most of their communicating, fell back on it being easier that way and stopped placing importance on being the one to take the LEAD in their relationship and addressing its flaws, as the PARENT.

And just saying.....its not too late to fix this. If I can do it with Jason, if I could do it with you in the first place, I can do it again. All I need is for you to give me the opportunity to try to do just that, to do better, and instead of demanding that or expecting it from you or even just hoping for it but never actually voicing it....here is me asking for it, but letting you know I understand if you don’t trust me with that or want to risk yourself like that again.

And whammo zammo, you’ve got yourself a road to a healthier, happier Batfam, and it doesn’t require actually vilifying anyone or expecting anyone but the patriarch of the family to like....take the actual wheel.