#i actually hesitated to put diane on the list but i figured that she has so little in this world the least i could do is give her this

[bolly--quinn]

just a guy, his bird bf, and his baby girl 💓 (more doodles of my Rick and Beth au that lives purely in my head)

[saras-almanac]

aftermath part 1 [robert/aaron, robert & liv]

Aftermath of 28 September episode. TW: Mentions of Chas/Paddy storyline and the outcome of Grace’s birth.

This started out as a little 5+1 story of the 5 things Robert does to help the people around him during this scene because I had three very specific scenes in mind already. Next thing I’m 3000 words in and only half done. So I just cleaned it up and figured I’d make it an actual story. Should I be working on that angsty wedding prompt I have, yes I should. But this idea just wouldn’t leave me alone, so here is part of it. Be warned. It’s a long part... Sorry!

Robert knew as soon as Aaron’s phone rang what had happened, but there was still a little part of him that hoped it hadn’t happened, not yet. Either way, he pulled out his phone and ordered a taxi, just in case they needed to quickly get to the hospital.

“Paddy?” Aaron answered his phone and Robert could hear the hesitation in his voice. No one else spoke in the back room of the pub. Liv stood stock still next to the door, her hands clenching at her sides.

“Okay. I’m coming,” Aaron said. He snapped his phone shut and took a deep breath. Robert reached out to rest his hand on Aaron’s lower back.

“She’s in labor, isn’t she?” Faith asked softly.

Aaron nodded. “Yeah. They just got to the hospital.”

“Do we leave?” Marlon asked.

“Of course we go,” Aaron said.

“They’ll understand if you want to stay, love,” Faith said. “It’s your stag do and all.”

“That’s my mum!” Aaron said angrily. “I’m not going to abandon her.”

“No one’s saying that,” Robert said quietly.

“I can’t drive,” Aaron said and pushed a hand through his hair in frustration.

“We could find someone,” Marlon said.

“Who?” Aaron snapped.

“I already ordered a taxi,” Robert said. “Should be here in ten minutes now.”

“Taxi?” Faith asked.

Robert nodded and turned to look at her. “Yeah. I figured you guys would take a taxi to hospital now. I’ll deal with the people here and drive out there later.”

“You don’t have to come,” Aaron said.

“You’re going. I’m going,” Robert said. “And Chas and Paddy matter to me too.”

Aaron nodded and clenched his jaw. “Gran, you coming?”

“Of course, love,” Faith said.

Marlon sighed. “I’ll be there as soon as I get some clean up done.”

Robert waved him off. “I’ll take care of it. Paddy, he’ll want you there.”

Marlon looked at him. “Are you sure?”

Robert nodded. “Yeah. No problem.”

“I’ll stay and help ya,” Liv offered.

“You don’t have to, Liv,” Aaron said. “You can come with us, you know.”

“Yeah, I know,” Liv said. “Just don’t want to leave Rob either.”

“All right,” Aaron said. Aaron turned to him, his hands grabbed at Rober’s forearms. “I don’t want to leave this all on you.”

“Hey,” Robert said. “We’re a team, yeah? Your mum needs you. Don’t worry about anything else.”

Aaron nodded and closed his eyes to breathe deeply. “You’ll come later though?”

“I promise ya,” Robert said. “We’ll be there as soon as we clean up here, okay?”

Aaron nodded again and Robert pulled him and held him until his phone buzzed. Aaron pulled away and looked down at his feet.

Robert’s pulled out his phone and he glanced at it. “Taxi’s outside.”

“Thanks, love,” Faith said to him.

“See you later then,” Aaron said.

“Definitely,” Robert said. He watched them leave before he nodded at Liv. “I guess we should go and deal with all them, hey?”

Liv nodded.

Robert led her back out to the pub and allowed himself three seconds to be sad that this was the ending of their stag do. Just that it wasn’t fair. Chas, Vic, Liv, and Faith had put so much effort into it and now none of them really got to enjoy it.

“Everything okay?” Nicola asked him.

Robert shook his head. “Chas went to hospital. Aaron, Marlon, and Faith just left.”

“Why didn’t you go with them?” Jimmy asked him.

“I told Marlon I’d deal with the clean-up,” Robert told them. He glanced over at Zak and Charity standing next to each other at the bar. “I got to tell them as well.”

“You got tell them. I’ll start cleaning up this place,” Nicola said.

“You don’t have to do that,” Robert told her.

“Are you kidding? Bossing people around and kicking ‘ em out? Might be the most fun I’ve had tonight. No offense and all,” Nicola told him.

Robert laughed a little and shook his head. “Yeah. None taken.”

“Go on,” Jimmy said.

Robert nodded and walked over to Charity and Zak.

“Where’s you all disappear to?” Charity asked him.

“Uh, well.” Robert sighed. “Chas went to hospital. She’s in labor.”

“She what?” Charity asked. “Why didn’t she tell me?”

“Her and Paddy snuck out a little while ago. They only just called now,” Robert told them.

“Well we better get down there,” Zak said.

Robert shook his head. “They’ve got Faith, Aaron, and Marlon already. I think it’s best if you just wait until we hear more about what they want.”

Charity nodded. “Yeah. Probably best we don’t overcrowd them just yet.”

“Yeah,” Robert agreed.

“But you’ll keep us updated?” Charity asked. “And give them our love?”

“Yeah, sure,” Robert told her.

“You need some help cleaning up this place?” Charity asked him.

He glanced over at Nicola who was rounding everyone up and herding them toward the door. “I think Nicola’s got it covered. Maybe just close it down for tomorrow?”

“Will do,” Charity said.

“We’ll talk later then,” Robert said and then walked over to where Liv was standing on the other end of the bar, talking to Kerry and Tracy.

“Sorry to hear about Chas,” Kerry said to him.

“Thanks,” Robert said, moving to stand near Liv. Something was off with her and he wanted to find out what it was.

“I think Nicola’s got things covered here, but you let us know if ya need anything else,” Kerry told him.

“Oh, um, thanks,” Robert said. “But you don’t have to worry about us.”

“That’s what friends do, yeah?” Kerry said. She even squeezed his shoulder. Robert just smiled at them both. He was still not used to actually having people genuinely care about him.

“All right,” Robert said.

“Okay you two,” Nicola said to Kerry and Tracy. “Time to go.”

“We’re just leaving now, calm down,” Tracy said.

“Make sure they leave, Jimmy,” Nicola said.

“On it,” Jimmy said as he started herding the two women out the door.

“Now, time for you to get off,” Nicola said. 

“I was gonna help ya with some of the clean up,” Robert said.

“You’ll only get in my way,” Nicola said. “And you two should be getting to the hospital anyways. I’ll take it from here.”

“Are you sure?” Robert asked her.

“Yes, now go. Don’t make me throw you out,” Nicola warned.

“All right,” Robert said, grabbing Aaron’s jacket and his own. “We’re leaving. Thank you.”

Nicola just waved him off and was already making a list on a napkin of what she was going to do.

Robert and Liv walked outside and he put his arm around Liv’s shoulders and started leading her toward the mill. “I just wanted to change and grab a few things.”

Liv nodded.

“You doing okay?” Robert asked her.

“Yeah,” Liv said. “Fine.”

“You sure?” Robert asked. “You’ve barely said anything since Aaron got that call from Paddy.”

“Not much to say,” Liv said.

“You don’t really think that’s gonna work on me, do you?” Robert asked. He pulled his keys out of his pocket to unlock the mill door.

“No, guess not.”

Robert held the door open for her. “So you wanna tell me what’s going on?”

“It’s stupid,” Liv said, going to sit down on the sofa.

“It’s upsetting ya,” Robert said as he sat down next to her. “Whatever it is is not stupid.”

Liv picked at her hands. “I don’t want to go to the hospital.”

Robert frowned at that. “You don’t?”

“No,” Liv said. “Everyone there is gonna be upset and anxious and I don’t know what to say.”

“Well, you probably won’t have to say anything,” Robert said quietly.

“I can’t handle going, Rob,” Liv admitted, her voice breaking as her cried. “Being there. Knowing that Grace… the baby… Knowing what’s gonna happen.”

“All right,” Robert said. “You don’t have to go, Liv. If it’s going to be too much, then don’t go.”

“But they’ll hate me,” Liv worried. “Chas asked me to be Grace’s godmother and I can’t even go and meet her.”

“Hey,” Robert said and pulled her in for a hug. “You’re still just a kid, Liv. This is a really tough situation for everyone. No one’s gonna blame you for it.”

“But what if they do?” Liv asked. “I only just started building things back up again with Aaron’s family. I don’t want to ruin it.”

“I know that Chas and Paddy are not going to hate you,” Robert promised her. “And if anyone has anything to say, they’ll have me to answer to, yeah?”

“Does it make me a bad person?” Liv asked. “That I don’t want to go.”

Robert shook his head. “No. It makes you a person who knows what you can handle. And there’s nothing wrong with saying, ‘No,’ sometimes. Or removing yourself from stressful situations.”

Liv shook her head. “But I feel like I should go.”

“Only you can figure out if you can and want to go,” Robert said.

“It’s gonna look bad,” Liv said. “If I don’t though.”

“I promise ya,” Robert said. “It’s not. We might not even get to see any of them.”

“But you’ll tell them I love them?” Liv asked. “And that I’m sorry for not being there?”

“Yeah, course,” Robert promised. “Do you want me to stay with you?”

“Aaron needs ya more,” Liv said, but she didn’t pull away from him. It was times like this that Robert was hit with the realization that Liv was seriously just a kid. Yeah, she acted tough and had gone through more than anyone her age should have to, but she was still just a kid.

“What if I see if Doug can bring Seb over here for the night?” Robert suggested. “Unless you want to go somewhere else.”

Liv shook her head. “No, that sounds good.”

“All right,” Robert said. “Let me ring him quick.”

“You’ll stay though?” Liv asked. “Until Doug gets here?”

“Course I will,” Robert promised. Liv only nodded again and Robert took that as his direction to not move from the sofa just yet.

“Hello?”  

“Doug, it’s Robert,” Robert said.

“Diane’s just called me,” Doug said. “She said she’d take the little one if I needed a break. I figured you’d be a bit yet.”

“That’s what I’m calling you about,” Robert said. “Liv’s not feeling up to coming with to the hospital, so would you be all right bringing Seb back here for the night?”

“Of course not,” Doug said. “Diane might pop over in a bit as well. I think everyone’s pretty shaken up about it.”

“Yeah,” Robert agreed. “I think so too.”

“I’ll gather his things and we’ll be right on our way,” Doug said. “And I promise to keep an eye on Liv too. It can’t be easy on her.”

“It’s not,” Robert said. “But thanks, Doug.”

Robert hung up and just continued to rub at Liv’s back. It felt like that was all he was good for lately. It was the first time since all the Lachlan stuff that Robert sort of felt like he was being the strong one again. He had to rely on Aaron so much over those few weeks, and now it just made him feel guilty over not pressing Aaron on talking about how he was feeling about everything going on with Chas and Paddy.

“I’m not gonna drink,” Liv said quietly, out of nowhere.

“I didn’t think you were,” Robert said.

“It’s just, I didn’t want you to think that I was going to steal booze or anything,” Liv said.

“Okay,” Robert said. “That’s good to hear.”

“I just wanted to tell ya,” Liv said. “In case I thought about it later.”

“Anytime you’re thinking about it, you call me,” Robert said. “Anytime. I want you to be able to talk to me about stuff before you turn to booze again, yeah?”

“Yeah,” Liv agreed.

“And if you need me at all tonight, you just call okay?” Robert said. “I don’t want you going through this alone.”

“I’ll have Doug,” Liv said.

“True,” Robert said. “But in case you want to talk about something other than gardening or your college studies.”

Liv let out a weak laugh and pulled away from him. “Sorry for crying on your shirt.”

“No worries,” Robert said. “I’m gonna change quick anyways.”

“Go,” Liv said and waved him away. “I’ll wait for Doug.”

“Thanks.”

Robert rushed upstairs to find something to wear that was a bit more comfortable for sitting up in a hospital. Should he pack Aaron a change of clothes? Does Faith need anything else?

Robert shook his head and pulled on a jumper. He’ll just grab a couple blankets from their closet.

At least that’s something that he can do for them.

He came back downstairs, dressed and with a little bag of stuff, and found Doug and Seb already there.

“Thanks for coming over, Doug,” Robert said as he pulled on his jacket.

“It’s no problem,” Doug said. “You doing all right?”

Robert shrugged. “To be honest, I haven’t really thought about me just yet.”

“Too worried about everyone else, I imagine,” Doug said.

“A little bit,” Robert siad. “I just don’t want to be in the way.”

“I don’t think Aaron will think that way,” Doug said.

“Yeah, but he’s so private with that stuff. I don’t want him to feel like I’m coddling him,” Robert said.

“When you were going through all that stuff with Lachlan, would you have felt better or worse with Aaron around?” Doug asked.

“Better,” Robert admitted.

“So I’m sure he feels the same,” Doug said.

“Yeah, you’re right,” Robert said. “Liv in the bathroom?”

“Yeah.”

“You’ll keep an eye on her, right?” Robert asked quietly. “It’s too much for her to deal with and she feels guilty about it.”

“Nothing to feel guilty about there,” Doug said. “But I’ll keep an eye on her. Maybe a nice distraction will help. There’s this new garden show on Netflix I heard about online.”

“That’s great, Doug,” Robert said. “I’ll have my phone, so call if you need anything. I’m not sure exactly when we’ll be back, but if you’re okay sleeping here that’d be better.”

“You got it,” Doug said.

“Thanks again for doing this,” Robert said.

“Hey, we’re family,” Doug said. “That’s what family’s for.”

Robert swallowed and nodded. He walked toward the door just as Liv was coming out of the bathroom.

“You’ll tell them that I’m sorry,” Liv asked.

“You got nothing to be sorry for,” Robert said. “But I will give them your love.”

“Okay.”

Robert pulled her in for another hug and siad, “And I meant it. Phone me if you need anything. You need me to come home. You want me to come get you. You just want to talk. Just phone me or text me, whatever you need.”

“I will,” Liv promised. “Now you better go before Aaron has a fit that you’re not there.”

Robert nodded. “All right. I’ll see you all later then.”

He turned and left the mill, locking the doors behind him. He hated how the lock clicking into place sounded so final, so permanent.

[[[NEXT PART]]]

[robronsecretsanta]

Fanfic: ‘Tis the season

to @endlessemptyrambling, love from your secret santa

“Aaron there’s no way that’s going to fit.” He could barely see him, he was so obscured.

“Yes it will! Just hold it up like I said!”

Robert scoffed but did as he was told. He was cold and he wanted to go home. Why they couldn’t buy a Christmas tree from David like everyone else, or even have an artificial tree he didn’t know, but Aaron had declared on waking up that morning that they had to go out and buy a tree. Of course it had to be the right tree and none of David’s matched that description.

“You know when I do this in a clothes shop you do nothing but complain.” He told him as he let go of the tree as Aaron moved on to another.

“That’s because you’re usually comparing two white shirts!”

“It’s a tree, it has branches…and bloody sharp needles.” He pulled another one out of his glove to prove his point. Not that it mattered, Aaron was far too interested in the trees. He stamped his feet trying to get some warmth into his legs. Of course they’d picked the coldest weekend of the winter to do this.

They didn’t talk about last Christmas, it was one of those things they’d packed away in a little box, they didn’t need to keep revisiting it. In the end though it had brought them here, to where they were now. Instead they’d decided that as it was their first Christmas back together, in their own home they’d make their own traditions.

“This one.” Aaron nodded, hands on hips, a smile filling his face, pointing to the one he’d chosen.

“Are you sure? We don’t need to check it’s the right shade of green or anything do we?” He smirks as Aaron sticks his tongue out at him and he shook his head, happy to see him so carefree. Robert paid for the tree, arranging delivery for the same afternoon, glad that they didn’t have to wrangle thing thing onto one of their cars, and went back to Aaron who was standing in the middle of a bauble display.

“S’pose we need some of these, don’t we and lights and that?”

“I, er, I have some…I mean we need more, but Vic kept a load, said she’d share them between us, she kept them when Dad died. Some of them are Mum’s, there’s probably some from before that…” He stopped when he saw Aaron frowning.

“We can stop and get them on the way home if you want.” Robert nodded, the memories coming at once. They didn’t speak again until they were on the road home, the radio playing Christmas songs quietly, neither of them really taking much notice. “You can talk about it you know.”

“What? The decorations?”

“Your childhood. You don’t, very often, and I’m just sayin’ if it’s because of me, because of…well, that doesn’t mean I don’t want you to tell me things from when you were a kid.” He can’t speak for a minute, the fact that Aaron always seems to know what he needs always astounds him. Instead he reaches a hand out and gently squeezes his thigh. They have been doing that more though in the few months since they got back together, talking more, listening to each other, trying to make time for just the two of them. It’s not exactly easy with Liv around and Gerry in and out all the time, although he could still be living in the Mill with them, so it could be worse.

“I will, it’s just hard you know.” As they’re at the traffic lights he risks leaning over to kiss him, as his phone lights up.

“Liv wants to go ice skating.” He informs him, reading the message.

“Place to ourselves then, whatever will we do?”

“No, at the weekend, with us.” He’s furiously texting back, brow furrowed. “Says there’s an outdoor rink in Leeds. Might be fun.”

“Getting a numb arse because I keep falling onto it…mmm fun.” He’s grinning as he says it, it might not be his first idea of a good time but the fact that Liv is back to including him with Aaron when she wants to do things is good. It had taken a while to get back to that point, and he’d been convinced that their relationship would never recover.

They’ve been back together a few months, officially, probably much longer unofficially, taking things slow, doing all the things they hadn’t before, more time to themselves. It took a long time for him to move back in, but now they were a family again.

“We don’t have to skate. Just be nice, the three of us doing stuff. We could go eat somewhere, make a day of it?” He looks over, sees Aaron’s hopeful face and he knows he’s lost.

“Fine. Tell her she owes me an extraordinarily expensive hot chocolate while we’re there.”

*****

“Are we doing this tree then?” It’s Sunday and they’ve been back from lunch at Diane’s a while, another relatively new thing, and they’re lounging on the sofa, Liv at the table pretending to study, though he’s pretty sure she’s actually texting. The tree is in place in the corner, has been since it was delivered, taking up, in his opinion, more room than is absolutely necessary but none of them have made an attempt to decorate it.

“Might as well.” He tries hard but Aaron just can’t keep the smile off his face. Not that he moves far though.

“Come on Liv, stick some Christmas music on.”

“Oh God, really?”

“Yes. Can’t decorate a tree without singing along. Come on lazy arse, get up.” He nudges at Aaron’s legs, resting up on the table, when he makes no attempt to move. “You’re the one who spent over an hour picking the perfect specimen.”

It doesn’t take long before the three of them are laughing and joking and singing along to the music that’s blasting out of the speakers. It’s when his fingers close around a decoration shaped like Father Christmas that he stops. Aaron doesn’t notice at first but then he’s by his side, hand on his back making him feel warm.

“I bought her this, saved my pocket money. I’d seen it when Gran took me shopping and I made my Dad take me back to buy it. He didn’t half grumble, but she loved it. Always hung it right at the front of the tree, every year.” Even Liv is quiet when Aaron gently takes the figure from his hand and hangs it in pride of place, right at the front. It’s a bit worse for wear, some of the paint is chipped and it’s probably better off in the bin, but it looks strangely right.

“There. Perfect.” He nods, can feel tears aren’t far away, then he’s making an excuse, says he’ll make hot chocolate for them, so he can have a few moments alone.

“You alright?” He knew Aaron wouldn’t let him wallow in memories too long, and he’s always grateful for that, smiling to himself as Aaron’s arms slide round his waist.

“Yeah. I just miss her, that’s all. Always worse this time of year.” He rests his cheek against Aaron’s hair, hands rubbing his back. It’s soothing just standing there, Aaron’s jumper bunching under his fingers. “Better now though, with you. Never had anyone to tell before.”

“You can always talk to me.” He nods, taking a deep breath. It’s still strange to him that he has someone to talk to about his Mum. He probably could have told Chrissie things like this but it never seemed right, but now with Aaron, he can and more importantly he wants to.

“I know that. Come on, or these drinks will be cold.” Aaron pulls away with one more pat on the back and between them they take the mugs and a plate of the chocolate biscuits that are a permanent fixture on their shopping list, into the living room.

*****

“Are you sure you don’t want to come with me?” He’s standing in the bedroom doorway tying his tie. Aaron’s lounging on the bed in trackies and a hoodie, car magazine in hand and Robert would give anything to join him but he’s got a client’s Christmas party to go to. It’s the first one he’d been to since he moved back in, Nicola going to those there have been, and he’s nervous for some reason.

“Not really my thing is it. Besides, gives me a chance to wrap your Christmas present without you snooping.” He still hesitates, fiddling with his cufflinks needlessly. “Robert, go to your party, it’s alright. Don’t know why you want me there, I always get tongue tied at those things.”

“Maybe I just want my…” He stops, feels even more stupid now but Aaron’s getting up and coming over to him.

“Your husband?”

“Yeah…if that’s still what I am.” Maybe that’s it, they’ve never mentioned it, but Aaron’s not wearing his ring again yet, all part of them taking their time. He’s not ready yet and it’s fine, it is but he feels like he doesn’t know what they are. Maybe he’s just being overly insecure.

“What? My husband?” He nods, feeling stupid under Aaron’s gaze. “Does it matter…what I mean is…does it matter what you call me when you talk to people? I don’t know, do you tell people I’m your husband, what do you call me?”

“Aaron.” He shrugs. “Husband I suppose, but…that doesn’t feel right anymore, I lost that, so…I don’t know. You’re my Aaron.”

“Soppy git.” He’s all smiles as he wraps his arms around him. “We’re not really boyfriends though are we, we’re more than that. Besides that always makes me think of snogging round the back of the cricket pavilion. When I call you my husband it makes me feel nice, special I suppose. I don’t care what you call me, Robert, we know what we mean to each other.”

“You are. I’m just being an insecure idiot. Er, hang on, let’s go back. There’s nothing wrong with snogging behind the cricket pavilion. I’ll have you know…” He stops as Aaron puts his hand over his mouth to stop him talking.

“I’d stop right here unless you want to hear about me and your sister.” He shook his head and gently nipped at his fingers until Aaron pulled them away. “Exactly. So, go to your party and if you’re lucky I won’t have fallen asleep by the time you get back.” He presses a soft kiss to his mouth and nudges him towards the door.

“You know I love you, right?”

“Course. Love you too you soft git. Now go!”

*****

“You should have seen your face!” Liv’s laughing as they all troop into the pub, back from ice skating. She’d cottoned on pretty quick to their plan to be spectators and wouldn’t let up until they joined her on the ice. Robert’s always liked to think he has a fair amount of grace and poise. That idea was well and truly destroyed, along with most of his pride.

“That kid went right in front of me! What was I supposed to do, plough into him?”

“Better him than me!” Aaron grumbles leaning against the bar.

“You three look like you’ve had fun.” Chas is all smiles as she takes their order. Liv launches into the tale of them ending up in a heap on the ice, complete with pictures.

“You do know I can ground you, right?” Aaron tells her, with a grin.

“So, have you made your minds up about Christmas day yet?” Chas asks putting their drinks in front of them. Aaron glances over at him and he does nothing but shrug. It wasn’t so long ago that he thought he wouldn’t have either of them at Christmas so he’s fairly unconcerned as long as they’re together.

The Dingles hadn’t really said much about them being back together, except Charity, but he’d think she was ill if she didn’t greet him with a sarcastic comment or two. The rest just seemed pleased that Aaron was happy. He’d been worried most about Chas and Liv than anyone else but apart from a few comments initially, they were all getting along as best he could expect.

“Not yet.” Aaron tells her, ignoring the slight annoyance that crosses her face.

“You always go up to Wishing Well, love. Lisa’s expecting you.”

“We can if you want, we haven’t made plans.” Robert tells him, hand resting against his shoulder blade. He’d liked it, the first time being part of a proper family again, being made to feel welcome for the first time really since his Mum had died. “I’m not singing though.”

“Why don’t we just go for tea?” Liv pipes up from where she’s parked herself at a table, eyes not leaving her phone screen. Aaron brightens immediately.

“That’s a great idea, Liv. Robert?”

“You offering to cook dinner?” He can’t help but tease the girl. She just raises an eyebrow at him, making him laugh. “That’s what you want?” He knows Aaron, there’s something he’s not saying.

“It’s our first proper Christmas as a family in our home. That’s what I want. Not with everyone else there passing comment or whatever. Just us.” Robert nods, that sounds like the best idea he’s ever heard. He turns to Chas but she’s heard and strangely she’s smiling, almost proudly.

“You best make a shopping list then. I take it I’m cooking.”

“You’re not doing everything. Liv and I will help, won’t we Liv?” He sits beside her and pokes her. “Well I will anyway. It’s going to be fun.”

*****

Fun isn’t quite how Robert would put it. He’s dragging himself back to bed after putting the turkey in the oven, Aaron not even stirring when he got up. He gets past Liv’s room as quietly as he can, not wanting to wake her up any earlier than necessary, quite fancying a bit of a lie in with Aaron before getting up again. He’s still sleeping when he climbs back into bed and he can’t help but slide his cold feet onto Aaron’s legs.

“Oi!” He pulls away as Aaron tries to kick him. “Merry Christmas grumpy.”

“Mmm, merry Christmas.” He’s sleepy, eyes barely open when he turns over to let Robert press a kiss to his lips. Next thing, Aaron’s wide awake and is rummaging in his bedside drawer. Robert sees a flash of wrapping paper before it’s hidden behind Aaron’s back.

“Thought we were doing presents with Liv?”

“We are, this one is different.” He frowns, watching as Aaron kneels on the bed, taking Robert’s hands in his own. “I…we said we’d go slow, take our time. I was scared, of lots of things, being hurt again, hurting you. I don’t want to go slow any more. I want you to call me Mr Sugden again, I want to be your husband again.”

“It’s not…you know when I went to the party, what I said? It’s not because of that, because if it is…I don’t need you to rush anything for me.” That’s the last thing he wants because it’ll just end in tears if they do that he knows that.

“No…well not entirely. That just made me see that I didn’t want to wait any longer. I don’t need to because I’m not going to change my mind. You’re here and we’re together and I want that forever. So, Robert Sugden, will you marry me…again. Properly this time?” He’s actually speechless, just staring. He’d never expected this, thought it would take months if not longer for them to be near that point. “Robert, say something. If you don’t want to…”

“No I do, of course I do.”

“You going to open your present then?” He does, and there’s Aaron’s ring that he’s somehow managed to get without Robert noticing it being gone from his drawer, and nestled either side are two matching narrow bands. “We don’t have to wear them all the time, but I am never taking this one off again, not even to get married so…”

“And you call me soft?” He fumbles with it as he slides the familiar band onto Aaron’s finger. “Perfect. Though I’m not sure my present is going to compare.”

“I don’t care. I love you.”

“Love you too.” He drags Aaron towards him, kissing him softly, trying to convey just how happy he is. “How long do you reckon we’ve got until Liv gets up?”

[lokisgame]

Good Things Come...

[parts 1-4]

[solipsistful]

categorizing the bipolar disorders is weird

WHO WANTS THE L O N G E S T INFODUMP, 1,500+ WORDS GO

I... didn’t actually incorporate citations into this (hindsight: 20/20), but if anything stands out, feel free to ask and we’ll point you to sources.

The Formal Criteria

As it stands, the bipolar spectrum is diagnosed primarily based on the idea of a linear “mood spectrum” and how close you get to either extreme, with some extra requirements around how long episodes last (chronicity). So, canonically, the spectrum goes:

Bipolar I: Mania, depression

Bipolar II: Hypomania, depression

Cyclothymia (sometimes called bipolar III when people are making a point of the spectrum): Hypomania, chronic mild depression (dysthymia)

So first off, chronicity: Technically, there are requirements for how long a state has to be in order to count as an “episode”. One week (or until hospitalization :V) for the manias, two weeks for depression, and for dysthymia, technically two years.

These cutoffs are fundamentally arbitrary. It’s why there are quite a few ways people get around it. One major group of bipolar NOS is just episodes that aren’t long enough; the DSM-5 proposed a condition for further study of depression with not-quite-long-enough hypomanias (maybe “technically” what we have ;P). I think originally the idea with chronicity was to exclude the rapid mood shifts that might be better captured as emotion dysregulation a la borderline, but that’s morphed a bit. “Rapid cycling” officially means more than four distinct episodes in a year. Now, we have “ultra-rapid cycling” for multiple in month, and “ultradian” which completely removes any chronicity requirement and refers to multiple episodes in a day.

I think some of the difficulty with chronicity is a problem with what exactly a mood even looks like. There’s a reason we’ve heard some folks actually prefer the language of “manic-depression” over “bipolar”, because two separate poles? lmao. Mixed episodes are common – I’ve heard that in bipolar type II in particular, time spent in a mixed episode tends to outnumber the time in straightforward hypomania (*waves*). Plus, mixed states are often the most problematic – suicidality goes way up compared to depression alone.

Mixed states are kinda by definition hard to categorize. People have tried. The most sensible categories I’ve seen are actually the ones that hide the mixed-ness. That sounds strange, but categories like “dysphoric mania” and “agitated depression” can definitely be seen as fundamentally mixed – the hate and emptiness of depression while manic, the energy and irritability of mania while depressed. It’s why we say both “mixed” and “agitated” for our brand of “lots of the energy and irritability but also misanthropy and anhedonia” – whaaat’s the difference. But even those only work for some people some of the time – often times, the person themself just has to figure out their own “categories” for their episodes. Mostly mixed episodes just tend to be a jumbled, manic-depressive mess.

At least personally, we can see why mixed-ness would cause confusion with chronicity. We’ll get irritable at something in the environment and stay that way for a while before falling back to the “baseline” depression. That’s not “cycling” to us; it’s that the irritability and resulting energy need a target, plus the mood reactivity of atypical depression (I’ll address that in a few more goddamn pages).

Funnily, though, the definition of a mood spectrum doesn’t quite stop there. Something that always strikes us is the mania-hypomania distinction – the formal distinction between types i and ii. The way folks lay out the disorders, you’d think it’d be a quantitative, scalar difference – that is, maybe 3 symptoms from the list is hypomania, but 5 makes it mania. That’s how minor and major depression work! But actually, the difference is based on two things: Is it impairing (in particular, are you getting hospitalized or arrested)? and are you psychotic? Say yes, mania. No, hypomania. Technically, you could have two people, one who checks off more of the formal criteria but neither of those key questions, and another who just barely passes the cutoff but got arrested for something like kleptomania, and they’d be hypomanic and manic respectively. That said, it’s not just meaningless arbitrariness: some other not-readily-apparent things actually fall out of that distinction:

As I said, mixed states practically typify type II in particular.

Type IIs tend to spend way more time depressed – a number we’ve seen suggested is upwards of 40:1 depressed:hypomanic (bipolar I, more like 3:1). Therefore, it’s super hard to actually catch (“Wait, was that hypomania or just my annual week of feeling better?”) This gets particularly relevant when talking about soft bipolar.

I’ve also heard it suggested that type IIs tend to spend more time in any non-baseline state longer a higher percentage of the time than type I. There really does seem to be an inverse relationship between how “extreme” a mood is and how long it lasts -- cyclothymia being the other end of that, with basically no time at baseline, but no major depression.

Type II tends to come with more suicidality (see: mixed episodes), so smack that in people’s faces if they call type II “not as bad” as type I.

“Soft Bipolar”

So, with that, you know how I said there were three categories of bipolar? SURPRISE, THERE’S MORE. There are a few different schema, but I like Fieve & Dunner’s -- they’re the ones who first laid out bipolar I, II, and III, after all. It’s just that the other three don’t get as much specific attention:

Bipolar IV: Hypomania or mania caused specifically by anti-depressants

Bipolar V: Seemingly unipolar depression in people with bipolar relatives

Bipolar VI: Mania without depression -- unipolar mania, basically. A weird category that might not actually exist. Funnily, all a bipolar I diagnosis requires is a manic episode -- it just happens that people diagnosed as such almost always experience depression as well. I don’t really know much else about it.

Every so often you’ll see other categories. For example, I’ve heard folks suggest that seasonal affective disorders that only present with depression might actually be a bit bipolar-y.

Bipolar V is the fun one, for me, and is what most often gets called “soft bipolar.” An important first note is that bipolar V has a habit of becoming bipolar IV so, yknow, there’s something there. Another is that sometimes you’ll see “soft bipolar” used to refer to bipolar type II -- here, the idea is that anyone who “seems” unipolar depressive but “actually” belongs on the bipolar spectrum somewhere must have type II, because type II in particular can be so hard to catch -- it’s just thought that maybe the patient just hasn’t noticed their hypomania.

Why would someone with a unipolar presentation belong on the bipolar spectrum, anyway? Other than just the desire to group together the possible genetic causes, there are actual effects: Bipolar depression looks different than non-bipolar depression. This is actually the trend for all bipolar depressions, but only becomes particularly relevant when depression is all that is being experienced in the first place. Specifically bipolar depression tends to be:

Atypical, not melancholic. (Atypical doesn’t actually mean uncommon here. Those terms refer to specific historical things -- melancholic was described first, so atypical was the “other”.) But what makes a depression atypical is, specifically:

Mood reactivity -- the ability to sometimes feel good because something good happened, even if that feeling goes away really quickly.

The opposite of certain melanchonic symptoms -- weight gain instead of loss, and hypersomnia instead of insomnia.

A weird personality thing: being super sensitive to rejection, even outside of any mood episode.  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

A really physical feeling of fatigue called “leaden paralysis”

Resistant to SSRIs and other meds that are specifically anti-depressants, but helped by mood stabilizers and other bipolar-focused meds (sorta obvious in someone who actually fits a canonical bipolar presentation, but a bit unexpected if it’s “only depression.”)

Or, even if an SSRI helps, it will randomly stop working much more often with bipolar.

Or an SSRI might just kick off mania.

Irritable -- of course, here you get into the difficultity with “is irritable/agitated depression actually mixed”, but irritability alone isn’t traditionally marked as not-just-depression.

Psychotic. You can technically have unipolar major depressive disorder with psychotic features, but some folks think that that makes it a bit more soft bipolar (the association between bipolarity and psychosis would be aNOTHER DAMN ESSAY, but the short version: their immense conceptual separateness is very much a matter of “some dude in the past said they’re different”. They’re clearly at least genetically related.)

Starting earlier in life, and steadily worsening. Some (lucky) folks experience just one or two episodes of major depression and that’s it. Bipolar doesn’t do that, and repeated mood episodes have a habit of getting slightly more extreme each time they happen.

The above, sans psychosis, is how we self-diagnosed as bipolar, even before we started delineating mood episodes. ;P It’s a bit weird to ask a psychiatrist that no we don’t experience hypomania but please put us on lamictal instead of trying yet another anti-depressant -- she was kinda hesitant at first, and apparently noted us as probably bipolar type II while simultaneously explaining that lamictal is often used off-label for depression (cough, probably actually folks with soft bipolar).

So

So, you have a cluster of diagnoses where you have just a few formal criteria (what counts as a mania, hypomania, minor depression, and major depression) but actually a lot of shared features that aren’t necessarily suggested by the criteria (atypical depression, type II suicidality vs. type I, etc.) -- which leads to some suggested alternative criteria that would center things like the atypical features or mixed episodes and thereby potentially incorporate “unipolar” presentations, almost in contradiction with those formal criteria at the outset.

- Ace

[i-may-have-a-point]

Chicago Chapter 3

So this chapter gave me some serious anxiety.  I kept writing, deleting, and rewriting because I wasn’t sure which direction I wanted to take the story.  I ultimately tried to stay as true to the characters as I could.  So, nervously, here is chapter 3.

Chapter 3

Her heart was still racing as she closed her hotel door behind her and slumped against it.  Her brain couldn’t settle on an emotion.  She was angry.  What the hell was that?! What made him think he had the right to say those things to her, touch her, assume she wanted him to?  And she was worried, embarrassed.  Had she given him some sort of sign that she had wanted him to touch her? Because of course she didn’t want that. No, she had kept everything completely professional.  She was sure of it.  Why did he think she wanted any of that to happen?  She didn’t.  She didn’t want him touching her like he had a right to her body.  She shivered as she remembered his forceful hands grabbing at her and pushing at her clothes.    She needed to shower.  Maybe she could wash the feeling of him off of her even if she couldn’t erase it from her mind.  She dropped her clothes on the bathroom floor, twisted the lever to release the water, stepped into the shower, and finally let her tears fall.  

She stayed in the shower until the water ran cold.  Standing in front of the mirror while she dressed, she was struck by how red and puffy the eyes looking back at her were.  At least she didn’t have to see anyone for the rest of the night.  She planned to put on her favorite pajamas and order room service.  But first she needed to call Jackson.  More than anything she wished he were in Chicago with her.  He always made her feel safe and she desperately needed that now.

April dug her phone out of her bag and saw that the screen was already lit up with a message.

Catherine – April, honey, Dr. Dotson told me you left early because you weren’t feeling well.  Are you sick?  Is there anything I can do?

Dotson told her she wasn’t feeling well?  Yeah. That’s an understatement.  She hesitated before typing her response but ultimately decided this wasn’t something to tell Catherine over text message.

April – I’m feeling much better now.  Probably just exhaustion from all this traveling.  Thanks for checking on me.

Catherine – Oh good! I wouldn’t want you to miss Hamilton tonight.  Remember our dinner reservation is at five.  Be in the lobby by four-thirty, and our car will be there to pick you up. I’ll meet you at the restaurant.  

Oh no.  Hamilton.  She had completely forgotten about Catherine getting tickets for the play.  There was no way she could back out of this.  Those tickets must have cost a fortune.  And honestly, April was dying to see it.  But now this experience, her whole trip to the Avery Trauma Center really, was tainted by everything that had happened in Dotson’s office.  Damn him.  She decided she was going to try her best not to let him ruin anything else for her.  He didn’t deserve that kind of power.

April – Four-thirty. Got it.  Can’t wait!

Catherine – Yes! Bring all your excitement and energy cause we are gonna have a fun girl’s night!  

The time on her phone read 3:00.  That gave her just enough time to call Jackson, get ready for the night, and make it to the lobby in time to meet the Avery’s driver.  She quickly found his name at the top of her recent calls list, but paused before pressing the button.  For some reason, she was nervous thinking about telling him what happened with Dotson. Stop it, she told herself.  It’s Jackson.  You can tell him anything.  She pressed his name to make the call and lifted the phone to her ear.  After five rings she was debating whether she should leave a voicemail or send him a text message, but just as she was about to hang up, the call was answered.

“Dr. Avery’s phone.”

April recognized the female voice as one of the scrub nurses from Grey-Sloan.  He must still be in surgery.  

“HI, this is Dr. Kepner. Is Dr. Avery available?”

“He’s in surgery.  He wanted me to ask if he could call you back.”

April sighed into the phone. She had really been looking forward to hearing his voice.  The timing could not be worse, but she understood.  “Of course.  Just tell him to call me when he has time.”

“Did you want me to give him a message for you?”

“Just ask him to call me please.  That’s all.  Thanks.” April hung up the phone and tossed it on to the bed.  There was little chance she would hear from him before she left to meet Catherine.

Spending the evening with Catherine turned out to be a welcome distraction.  She was able to avoid telling Catherine much about her day by giving short, vague answers and steering the conversation to cute stories about Harriet or Catherine’s plans for an expansion on the Trauma Center. For once, April was thankful that Catherine liked to control conversations.  It’s not that she didn’t plan to tell Catherine eventually, she did. But she and Catherine had just started rebuilding their relationship.  She didn’t want Catherine to be disappointed in her or even worse, think that she might have welcomed Dotson’s behavior.  Catherine was nice enough to bring April all the way to Chicago to the Avery Trauma Center, and now April had to figure out how to tell her that her Chief of Trauma had assaulted her.  

“Jackson’s still in surgery?”  Catherine’s question pulled her out of her thoughts.

“Um, I’m sorry, what?”

“You have checked your phone at least fifty times since we sat down.  I assume you are waiting on his call?”  Catherine had that knowing look on her face that she so often used when she was sure she was right about something.

April blushed and smiled, “Oh, yeah.  I am waiting to hear from him.  I just really need – I mean, um, I want to know how his surgery went.  He was operating on Diane Pierce today, and I know he was a little worried about it.  I called earlier, but the operation was taking longer than he expected.”

“That is not a good sign.”

“I know.”

April jumped a bit when her phone rang in her hand.  Jackson’s name showed up on the screen, and she felt all the tension she had been feeling from the day leave her body.

“Why don’t you take that outside?” Catherine smiled at her. “I’ll take care of the check and meet you at the car in five minutes.  Hurry though. We have to get to the theater. The play starts in twenty minutes, and I did not wait all this time for Hamilton tickets only to miss the opening song.”

April nodded to Catherine as she answered the phone and stood up from the table to walk outside.

“Hello?”

Jackson sighed into the phone. “Hey.  You have no idea how good it is to hear your voice.”  She could hear exhaustion in his.

“Actually I have some idea. All I have wanted all day is to hear your voice.  You sound tired.  Did Diane’s surgery end up taking longer than expected?  Were there complications?”

“Yeah.  The tumor metastasized.  Once we got in there it had spread so much we couldn’t even get it all. There are mets in her liver, and – it doesn’t look good.  And Maggie, she’s just pushing everyone to figure out some way to help her mom. Which I get but, I don’t know.  I don’t know if there is a way at this point. It’s a mess, April.  She even fired Meredith from the case.  I want to help her, but I just don’t know what to do at this point.”  He wasn’t looking for a response really, and April knew that.  He just needed someone to listen, but so did she.  Out of the corner of her eye she saw Catherine waving her over from the car, and she knew she didn’t have time to tell Jackson everything she needed to.  “I want to hear all about your day, though.  Did you like the Trauma Center?  Did you see any good cases?  How was your meeting with Dotson?”  Jackson laughed to himself. “Did he spend the whole thing telling you how great he is?”

“Actually, um, I wanted to talk to you about that.”

“About your meeting? Why? What’s up?”

April didn’t realize that Catherine had made her way over to where she was standing until she heard her voice.  “April Kepner, if you make me late for Hamilton…”  She got closer to yell into the phone.  “Jackson Avery, we have a play to get to!  She can call you back!  Look at the two of you acting like it hasn’t only been a day since you saw each other. Montana must have been some kind of place…”  She headed back to the car laughing to herself.

“You better go before my mother leaves you there.  Just call me when you get back to your hotel, okay?”

“It will probably be late, Jackson.  I don’t want to wake you.”  

Jackson heard the sadness in her response, and he realized that she really needed to talk to him. His response was just above a whisper. “April.  Wake me.  I want to hear whatever you need to tell me, okay?  It doesn’t matter how late it is, just call.”  

April smiled to herself at his response.  He always knew just what she needed.  “Thank you, Jackson.  And I know this sounds silly, because I just saw you yesterday, but I really missed you today.”

Jackson was a little surprised to hear her say that she missed him.  It had been so long since they had said that to each other, but it was true. He missed her and not just today. He had missed her for much longer than that.  “It doesn’t sound silly at all.  I missed you, too.  Have fun at the play.  I’ll have my phone right next to the bed, okay?  Call me.”

“I will. I promise. Bye Jackson.”

“Bye April.”

It was close to midnight when April made it back to her hotel room.  She kicked off her heels, climbed on to the bed, and leaned back against the pillows.  She felt the weight of the day leave her shoulders and realized that this is the first time she had really relaxed all day.  Jackson’s name was at the top of her call list, and she pushed the button to video call him.  After the day she had, she wanted to see his face.  

The call connected and Jackson popped on to the screen.  She could barely see him because all the lights were out in his room but she could tell that his eyes were still closed.  She had woken him.

“Oh, Jackson, I’m so sorry I woke you up.  I feel awful.”

“No, no, it’s fine.  I’m up.  I’m awake.”  Jackson opened one eye and tried to focus on April’s face on his screen.  After a second, he opened both eyes and lifted his head from the pillow.  He leaned over and switched on his lamp.  “Wow, you look amazing.  Is that the black dress?  The one you wore the night of that hospital Christmas party?  You know, when we snuck off to –“ Jackson stopped himself when he saw the blush on April’s cheeks.  Maybe this isn’t something he should be bringing up.  He cleared his throat.  “Um, how was the play?”  

“The play was amazing. You really have to see it, Jackson. You would love it.”

“Well, not all of us got invited.”  He teased her.  “Anyway, what did you want to talk to me about?  You said it was about your meeting?”

The color left April’s cheeks and she dropped her eyes.  “Yeah.” She whispered.  

“Hey.” Jackson said softly. “What happened?”  

Jackson waited a few moments for her response and started to ask her again when he saw a tear fall down her cheek.  “April? Talk to me.  You’re making me worried here.  Did my mom do something?  Did she say something to you?”

April quickly looked up and met his gaze.  “No! No. Not at all.  Your mom has been great.”

“Then what is it? Talk to me.”

April took a deep breath, paused, and began.  “I went to my meeting. You know, um, with Dotson.  I almost didn’t go.  I could already tell you were totally right about him.  I mean, he took credit for my checklist idea during the staff meeting and just, he just, I don’t know, he was so condescending.  He made some stupid remark about me getting lost in the OR and needing a nurse to show me around.”  

Jackson’s narrowed his eyes as he wondered where this was going.  

“But I didn’t want to make a bad impression, you know.  This is your family’s hospital, and I am a guest, and I didn’t want to make your mother look bad, so of course I went.”  April’s voice began to shake.  

“He told me he wanted to talk about the ER, but he didn’t.  He just kept talking about you.  He seemed almost angry that I am close to you and your family.  I kept trying to change the subject, to talk about the ER, but he only wanted to talk about you.  So, I decided to leave…but…he wouldn’t let me.”  

Jackson felt his heart beat faster as he began to understand what she was telling him.  “What do you mean he wouldn’t let you?”

Tears were streaming down April’s face now and Jackson repeated his question more urgently, “April? What did he do?”

“He grabbed me.  He pushed me against the wall, and I couldn’t get away.  I tried, Jackson, I did.  I didn’t want him to touch me.  You have to believe me.  I tried to push him off, but I wasn’t strong enough.  And his hands…were everywhere.  He was touching me, and kissing me, and tearing at my clothes. And the whole time he was saying things about you.  How I liked men who were powerful and that he could give me what you couldn’t. Jackson, I promise I didn’t want him to touch me.  I didn’t want any of it.”  April was sobbing now and couldn’t get out any more words.  

Jackson stared at her through the phone with intense, angry eyes, but he didn’t speak.  The only sound between the two of them were April’s sobs.  

Finally, Jackson spoke. “April, did he…?”

It took a moment for April to understand what he was asking.  “No! No, he didn’t.  Um…another doctor came in before anything like that could happen.  Thank God.  But Jackson, if that doctor hadn’t come in…I don’t know…I don’t want to think about that.” She wiped the tears from her eyes and then rubbed at the black smudges of mascara that were left on the sides of her hands.  She noticed that Jackson wasn’t saying anything.  His face was still full of anger, and she realized maybe this was too much.  “Jackson, I’m sorry.  I didn’t mean to throw all of this at you.  I know you already have a lot going on with Diane’s surgery.  I should’ve just dealt with this myself.”

“Do not apologize, April.  Of course this isn’t your fault.  Do not think for one second that you did anything to provoke this.  I believe you.  I believe every word of it.  Damnit. I knew that guy was an ass, but I didn’t know it was this bad” Jackson ran his hand over his head and took a death breath. “And I’m glad you told me. This isn’t something you should have to deal with on your own.  I’m just thinking of how I want to deal with this.  It’s probably a good thing I’m not there because my first instinct is that I want to kill him.  What did my mother say when you told her?”

“I haven’t told her yet.”

“What? Why?  April, she could have dealt with it right away. Today.  Why didn’t you tell her?”

“When I ran out of his office all I could think about was getting as far away from that hospital as possible.  I came back here and stood in the shower until I felt like I had washed the feeling of his hands off of me.  And then she reminded me we were supposed to go to dinner and see the play, and I just didn’t want to ruin her evening.  And I know, it sounds stupid, but your mom just started being nice to me again.  I didn’t want to disappoint her.  I didn’t want her to think she brought me all the way to Chicago and I turned it into a mess.  I just needed you.  I wish you were here, Jackson.”  

“Me, too.  Look, how about this.  I will talk to my mom, tell her what happened, and her and I will come up with a plan to deal with Dotson.  You don’t have to worry about him anymore, okay?  I promise.  I will make sure of that.”  Jackson’s expression was still serious, but his eyes had softened.

“How do you do that?” she asked him.

“Do what?”

“How do you manage to know exactly how to make me feel better?”

Jackson’s smile lit up his face.  “It’s a talent, I guess.  Just kidding. You know you do the same thing for me.”

April yawned and let her held fall to the side and rest on her pillow.  

“You must be exhausted. Why don’t you try and get some sleep? We can talk more tomorrow.” Jackson suggested.

“I am tired.” April smiled at him sleepily.  “I would sleep better if you were here, though.”

“I know.  Me, too.  Soon enough, though, you’ll be home and we can sleep next to each other every night.”

“Every night?”  April asked.  

“Every night.” He replied. “Sweet dreams.”

“Good-night, Jackson.”

“Good-night, April.”

The sun streaming through the curtains woke April the next morning.  Because they had such a late night, Catherine hadn’t scheduled them to be at the Avery Trauma Center until early afternoon.  That was just fine with April.  She was dreading going back there anyway.  She stretched her arms above her head and swung her legs over the side of the bed.  She thought about her conversation with Jackson the night before and decided it would be better if she told Catherine herself before they got to the hospital.  Jackson had said he would tell her, but Catherine would notice something was off if April had to be anywhere near Dotson.  It was still early and April didn’t want to wake Catherine, so she ordered breakfast from room service and scrolled through photos of Harriet on her phone while she waited for it to arrive.  

Barely five minutes had passed before there was a knock at her door.  

“Wow. That may be the fastest room service ever.”  April said to herself.  She set her phone on the night stand and quickly walked to the door.  She hadn’t realized just how hungry she was until now.  She undid the chain lock and swung open the door. April gasped in surprise.  

“Jackson?!  What are you doing here?”  He didn’t have a chance to answer as April ran to him and practically leapt into his arms.  They stood in the hallway, holding on to each other for as long as they both needed.  Eventually, April pulled back and smiled up at him.  “No really.  What are you doing here?!  I mean, I’m so happy to see you, but just, shocked, I guess - “  April’s rambling was cut short when Jackson tilted her face up to meet his and gently kissed her.

“You said you needed me, right?  So, here I am.”