#i actually have very strict lines between acquaintance and friend

[elithemiar-blog]

"I'm autistic" I say to my former manager.

Manager proceeds to try dictating who my friends are on a professional and personal level.

I'm autistic. Not stupid, ya manipulative bitch.

Types of responses you get when you say that you're autistic

Hmmmm, no I don't think so.

You don't look autistic.

But you seem normal!

But you make eye contact!

But you're so smart!

But you can talk!

Are you sure you're autistic and not just a *insert personality type*?

Let me guess, self diagnosed.

So you were vaccinated?

So your mother was an alcaholic?

Aww you poor thing!

Aww I hope you get cured!

Aww that must be so hard for you!

Wow, I feel bad for your parents, must be hard raising an autistic.

Yeah I knew you were pretty weird

Umm, my cousin is autistic and you're nothing like him!

[ca77um-ilo77]

alright you have me convinced!! what should i know before i watch indycar next season??

yooo i'm so glad i convinced you!! this is a pretty long post, and is kind of all-over the place. i tried to break it up by general topic, but i'm adding randomly as i think, so just a warning. i'll add some info links i like at the bottom. (if you or anyone wants to talk indy or f1, asks or dms are so very welcome, i love making friends <3)

one thing about indy is unlike in basically every else, many cars look very different even when on the same team as well as special liveries that are nothing like their normal ones, so i'd recommend getting the indycar app (it's free and user friendly once you figure out the weird layout) as it has a spotter's guide. it also has onboard cameras and radios for free (!!!!).

indycar is (usually) a pretty friendly sport, but as is the case with american sports, we like chaos, so the drivers can pretty much say anything except swear words lol. there's a few different clips of drivers threatening each other, which is great. id say most drivers are friends or at least acquaintances, expect santino ferrucci (huge bigot, pay driver, got kicked out of f2 for extremely dirty driving, and i personally hate his hair) and often romain grosjean as he hits people a lot. as for 2024 rookies, kyffin simpson's dad bought him his seat, and kyle larson saying the n-word in 2020 means he has some really, really racist fans.

the safety rules are strict and the cars are very durable which is good for high-speed crashes. the safety people (shoutout amr indycar safety team i love y'all, amr the company i hate you more than i hate the fia) travel with the races and have extensive training. they are also stationed in places that allow quick access to any location on a track. this is most apparent at ovals as they are much faster and more dangerous. at the other races, they are stationed where there is higher likelihood for a more dangerous crash that needs faster reactions. they take trucks to the site that are full of basically anything that might be needed. this is especially important as indycar refuels and are at high risk of combustion compared to f1. the calling yellow flags is also a lot more liberal which is nice. during longer yellows, and reds at ovals they'll run a sweeper truck to clean the racing line so people don't slide into walls.

for flag code info, as i don't have the patience to write it out, it is is section 7.2 of the rule book (page 27). i've linked it at the bottom of the post.

with the cars, they're all required to have the same chassis and aren't allowed to change a huge amount, so the racing is mostly down to skill, though andretti, ganassi, penske, and mclaren are better as they have more money. there are two engine suppliers, honda and chevrolet, iirc (don't quote me here) chevy is a bit more powerful, but honda is a bit more handleable. fast pit stops are usually about 7 seconds due to smaller pit crews (7 people maximum) and refueling. each car also has it's own pit box as teams have variable car numbers based on what they can afford. firestone provides tires, and there are two compounds, primary and alternate, as well as a wet tire. primaries are the harder compound and have a black sidewall. alternates are softer and have a red sidewall, except at street circuits where it's green to signify all natural rubber. use of both compounds are required. on broadcast you'll hear them mention "sticker reds" which are just the brand new ones.

more tire info in section 15 of the rulebook (page 84). there's some complex rules if you like tires.

the biggest difference between indy cars and f1 is f1 has power steering, indy doesn't. if you watch onboards, the drivers are wrestling the car the whole time, and most of the racing comes down to skill. the actual racing is often chaotic (indycar app helps with this. i keep it open always) and since there are many pit stops in a race (the cars use a lot of fuel) the leaderboard will change a lot.

the points system is very different, i'll try to cover it as succinctly as i can but i'm going to put a link for the wiki on it at the bottom anyway. (this is going to be formatted real weird, but i want to be brief). p1 50; p2 40; p3 35; p4 32; 4th-10th decreases by 2; p10 20; 10th-25th decreases by 1; everything p25 down is 5 points. drivers get points for finishing the race, basically. (unless there's more than 33 finishers, then 34 down get nothing, but that doesn't really happen). there's some bonus points also, 1 for leading a lap, 2 for most laps led, and 1 for pole position. the final bonus is for indy 500 qualifying. top 12 get points from p1 getting 12, descending by 1, to p12 getting 1.

as for the circuits there's three types: ovals (6 races, 4 tracks), roads (6 races, +1 non-championship race), and street (5 races). ovals are very high speed with little to no breaking. road courses are just your average circuit made for racing, the roads tend to be a bit rougher than f1's but that's kinda just how american tracks are. street circuits are, well, on the street. american roads suck major dick. the smoothest indycar street circuit is comparable to the worst of f1's. very bumpy, usually some good crashes (watch 2023 st. petersburg start. shit was insane).

as a fan, i cannot recommend irl indy more. some races are busier than others, obviously, but it's cheap considering it's a big racing category. 3 day entry for the less major races is usually $60-ish, and paddock passes are an additional $120-ish. not 100% on the price for pit access, but that is a bundle with three day tickets usually. the races aren't super crowded and there isn't assigned seats which is nice. the paddock is super open (check my "fenrir indycar" tag, quick access on my pinned) and you are able to walk up to and touch the cars if you really want (i wouldn't) as well as have conversation with engineers if they're not busy. if you have pit access the drivers are usually just wandering around and are often happy to stop and talk/sign something when not busy. there's also a high risk of nearly getting run over by drivers on their scooters. will power is notorious for this.

for my non-americans, (love y'all) we are very happy to have a conversation with strangers. the indy fans are often thrilled to talk about their favorite drivers and thoughts with anyone. when i went id say the only bad experiences i had was getting overwhelmed (my fault, i went to a place that i knew would cause a meltdown) and my dad getting hit twice by a man in a golf cart twice (same guy, not my dad's fault, the cunt didn't try to move, warn him, or apologize, just hit him, let my dad stumble, hit him again. i'm still mad). the seats are usually right on the track, so it's extremely loud and smelly. 10/10 can not recommend irl indy enough. i am biased to the pnw and it's the only race i've been to, but the portland race is great. it's not got masses of people, you can walk right up to the track to watch with the only thing between you and the cars being a concrete wall and a fence, and as it's a smaller race with less fans compared to the east coast and mid-west races, it's cheaper. biggest con is its built on a swamp, so super humid. (another pro, i'll be there <3 [joke.])

any questions you've got or clarification needed, my notifications are on and i'll respond to relevant stuff as soon as i see it.

LINKS:

rule book (clicking on a section of the table of contents will take you there)

points format wiki

schedule (tickets can be bought here)

app link

2024 series wiki (so helpful)

[marwankenzarisgaylittleearring]

“I’d like to end up as a tree”

Marwan kenzari (31) won a gold calf last year for his role in the movie Wolf. As of next week he is to be seen in Bloedlink (/reckless), opening’s act of the Dutch film festival. “It’s not my place to say I’m good.”

Bloedlink

“Acting offers the chance to become well acquainted with the complexities of being human. The Moroccan kick-boxer Majid in the movie Wolf had a fascinating interior life. His character was even easier to understand when he said nothing at all - I don’t think I’ve ever had as little lines in a movie. Rico in Bloedlink is completely different. He accidentally finds himself swept up in criminal business, but he’s actually just someone who’s had a whole slew of bad luck. In the movie his character undergoes a few very surprising U-turns. In my portrayal of him, I interpret all those different sides as honest, I find that interesting. In the movie, Rico does some paradoxical things, but he means all of them. Of course that’s simply not possible. That’s what makes him fascinating and tragic.”

Journey

“If I’m a good actor? That’s not my place to say. Sometimes you do the most interesting things you think are worthless in the moment. A movie is a collaborative journey, which, in the case of Wolf, I underwent with director Jim Taihuttu among others. Although I secretly did think during shooting: this will be fun. Wolf is an honest movie. The kick-boxing, the hits to the body, very little of that is pretend. Not that everything should be real in a movie, but this story required that. At a certain point I felt: this could be something really fresh in Dutch cinema. And it was.”

Peanut Butter

“Ever since that role, which I trained for quite extensively, I’ve found it increasingly important to stay in shape. It wasn’t a complete transformation; even beforehand I would exercise six times a week. But now I’m slightly addicted, yeah. It makes you mentally stronger, too. If I’ve been training on a Sunday at 7 am and then at 8 am I’m outside again, showered, refreshed and in shape while the rest of the city’s asleep, I’m 1-0 ahead. Scratch that: 10-0. I pay attention to my nutrition as well. Bread for example gives false energy. But I’m not always so strict. I get plenty of enjoyment from a good, white slice of bread with calvé peanut butter. And then fold it over, don’t cut it! You shouldn’t cut a sandwich, everyone knows that. Then you miss the first bite.”

Toneelgroep Amsterdam

“After the acting academy in Maastricht I was immediately invited to Toneelgroep Amsterdam. I was with them for three years, but found my attentions pulled towards film during that period. When the actors from TGA are - rightfully - expected to be fully available. We “broke up”, though that sounds too serious, with full, mutual agreement. I see the company as family and will be playing in Angels in America at the end of the month, in New York. Director Ivo van Hove has been very important for my development. I admire his knowing exactly what he wants, but also his ability to be unsure and searching, and to be able to be vulnerable about that. But I have to be fair to myself. I’m 31 now, and these are my most important years in film. While I hope to be an even better stage-actor when I’m fifty. I’m slightly further ahead in film than on stage. That development is tougher, needs more time and possibly total dedication. Stage is the motor in the actor’s car; film is a different muscle. But if Ivo calls me in two, or ten or forty years, he’ll be the first stage director I’ll say yes to.”

Pierre Bokma

“As the son of Tunisian parents in the Hague painters-quarter I didn’t come into automatic contact with theatre. As a kid I was mostly interested in football, the emotion you see on a player’s face when he scores - fantastic. At a certain point I realised that movies can affect you the same way, even though you know it’s fake. That’s the magic of acting. Through contacts I ended up with De Nieuwe Amsterdam, an in-between theatre course for teens for whom the leap to theatre school was perhaps a bit too big. I learned everything there: playwrights, Dutch actors, repertoire. You’re also taught which acting schools exist. And I thought: where did Pierre Bokma go to school? And Fedja van Huêt? That was Maastricht. It also appealed to me that they implemented Bijltjesdag: you might still be sent away halfway through the first year. I decided: if I’m going for this uncertain profession, maybe the best trial by fire will be going to a school where you aren’t sure if you’ll be allowed to stay. I was allowed, in the end. At the theatre academy I came into contact with art, philosophy, poetry. All of that was new. But it didn’t feel as if I was behind, I only saw it as a fantastic source of riches; as if I could try on all sorts of new glasses.”

Huntersfamily

“I never thought that this path wasn’t laid out for me, I just always let myself be lead by my passion and my dreams. My parents are happy for me; I have a good connection with both. My father is an amazing person - an accumulation of beautiful ingredients. He’s honest with himself, doesn’t spare himself and laughs a lot, that’s important to me. He might be made out of simple components, he’s from a huntersfamily, but for me these are the components that build a strong character. My dad can tell beautiful stories, about his life in Tunisia, about his old friends who aren’t with us anymore. Every year death takes someone new, and in that way a beautiful group of people slowly disappears, the protagonists of a generation. One lives close to the elements there, I find that fascinating. It’s so different to our life here. I’ll also never interrupt my dad when he starts on a story like that. Even if I’ve heard it before.”

Vampire

“I’ve always said: I want to play a woman, a vampire, a Moroccan kick-boxer. I’ve succeeded in doing the last one. A vampire is a wonderful character. The beauty of their faces, the sensuality, the tragedy of never going outside during the day, and of course their never ageing; never dying, in fact. I’d like to never die. When I was a kid, I suffered a lot of nightmares. About falling and never landing. I had a hard time in the dream world, I wasn’t a big fan of night. It was, I think, a sort of inexplicable fear of dying. At a certain moment I grew familiar with those dreams, figured out how to influence them. I could for all intents and purposes check-out whenever it became scary. I became the director of my own dream world. When I was twelve, I fell in love, and then I was over it. I still have nightmares, like everyone else, but now I find them fascinating instead of threatening. Beautiful how your mind can make a story out of all sorts of ingredients. Sometimes I call my mother to talk about what a dream might mean. For example, I recently dreamt about my grandmother. ‘She thinks about you and loves you,’ my mother says.”

Tree

“I still know fear and uncertainty, but they don’t hinder me anymore. They’re two trusted companions now, who walk with me. They keep me sharp and hungry, and in a good way, they keep me on my toes. As long as they don’t hold me back, they can be here. Fear of dying is now simply fear of no longer living. If a way to live until you’re 377 is discovered tomorrow, I’ll be the first to sign up. I’d like to end up as a tree. Then you only need to have a care for wind, rain and sun.”

[ijustwant2write]

The Miracle Question-Bucky Barnes x Reader

(GIF credit to @sebastianruinedme​)

Summary: When Bucky doesn’t tell (Y/N) that he missed his appointment, nearly getting into trouble with the government, she becomes furious and upset with him. She demands to have a session with him, wondering if their relationship is as stable as they thought it was, and if it’s actually making Bucky worse. To add to her anger, the new ‘Captain America’ decides to step in.

Characters: Bucky Barnes x Reader, Sam Wilson x Reader (platonic), John Walker x Reader (acquaintances), Lemar Hoskins x Reader (acquaintances)

Meanings: (Y/N)=Your name

(Y/L/N)=Your last name

Warnings: Mentions of therapy, arguing, slight violence, fluff

                                  *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Why would he do something like this and not tell me? He was doing so well with his appointments, and although I knew he wasn't enjoying them, at least he was going so he could get them over and done with. We hardly spoke of them, he was never the one to bring up the topic, it was always me; I just wanted to know how he was doing, I cared for him so much, and it was hurting me to think he wasn't able to open up.

"Sam." I got his attention as I briskly walked into the police station.

"Hey," he could see I was upset, immediately using a calmer tone,"he's alright. His therapist is here, she's got everything sorted."

"But why did it take me watching a video on twitter of my boyfriend being arrested to know about this?"

No one had called. Surely I was one of his emergency contacts? And if I (bizarrely) wasn't, why hadn't Sam called me?

Sam sighed."He didn't want you to know. He missed an appointment he had to go to and-"

"Didn't want me to know?!" I raised my voice, not caring if I grabbed the attention of anyone around us.

Sam held up his hands, trying to quieten me."Look, I'm not getting involved with your personal matters. That's up to you two. Just keep your voice down, we are in a police station."

I scoffed in disbelief."Why didn't he want me to know? He knew I would be angry, but I would never argue about it with him, or make him feel bad about it. I would support him."

"I know you wouldn't, and so does he. Bucky is still getting used to opening up, even with you. He just doesn't want to hurt you."

“Sam,” an older woman interrupted us,“I’ve heard a lot about you. I’m Doctor Raynor, I’m James’ therapist.”

They shook hands.“It’s so nice to meet you.”

Raynor put her attention on me, also shaking my hand.“You must be (Y/N) (Y/L/N), the girlfriend. I’ve also heard a lot about you.”

“You have? Oh, didn’t think he would talk about me that much.”

“Thank you for getting him out.” Sam quickly interjected. 

“Oh, that was not me.”

“Christina!” another voice called out.

We all turned to see who called, and I almost rolled my eyes when I saw who it was. John Walker, the new ‘Captain America’, was headed our way, almost swaggering. People immediately wanted pictures which he agreed to, and although I know Steve might have done the same in some cases, it wouldn’t be a priority for him, nor would he look like was was enjoying it. Although I didn’t want to judge others before knowing them, America had given the title to some random man, forgetting that Steve was not only a hero, but a friend and family to people like us. 

“It’s great to see you again.” Walker said as he shook someone’s hand.

“You gotta be kidding me, you know him?” Sam mumbled.

“Yeah, we did some field ops back in the day.”

“Heard you were working with Bucky so I thought I would step in.” he said as he approached.“Bucky’s not gonna be following a strict schedule any longer.”

“We haven’t finished our work. Who’s authorised this?”

“Um...” he smiled as he gestured to himself.

Who was he to come in here and change everything? Bucky was doing well in his therapy sessions...or at least I assumed he was, we never spoke about it. And I hated the way he called him ‘Bucky’; only close ones were allowed to call him that. 

A loud buzzer sounded throughout the station, and I whipped my head around, relieved to see Bucky walking out with two police officers. I no longer listened to Walker, running towards my boyfriend. He easily caught me as I threw my arms around him, not caring that the policemen escorting him out were watching.

“What are you doing here?” He asked, seeming both worried and annoyed.

“Bucky, you got arrested! I had to come see you, make sure you’re OK. Why didn’t you get someone to call me? Also, why did you miss your session anyway?”

“It’s a long story. And it’s not worth telling.”

“What are you talking about?”

Bucky’s eye line was now on Walker as he shouted over his shoulder,“I’ll be outside.”

Before I could say anything else, Dr. Raynor spoke,“James, condition of your release, session now. You too, Sam and (Y/N).”

“That’s OK. I’ll be out here with-”

She interrupted Sam.“That wasn’t a request.”

Bucky was silent as he slid away, reluctantly following the doctor. I tried holding his hand, but he was making it difficult to even grab it in the first place. My heart sank at the thought of Bucky not wanting me there, not even wanting to be comforted. When these sessions first began, he would come home and want to be held, be comforted; sometimes he asked if he could hold me, just to ensure that I was there with him, that I could feel safe in his arms. That was happening less and less now, it scared me to think he didn’t want this relationship anymore. 

We were sat in an interrogation room, Dr Raynor on one side and two chairs on the other. She told Bucky and I to sit first, and that she would deal with Sam later. Nerves suddenly washed over me, petrified of what sort of answers Bucky was going to give.

“OK, so we can all sense a lot of tension in this room. And although I’m going in a slightly unprofessional route, I feel that we all need to do this to ensure you are all OK, that is my job after all. So, who wants to go first?”

She looked between me and Bucky. Part of me wanted to get the confrontation out of the way, perhaps that would make things go quicker and we would get out of here sooner. But my fear held me back. 

“No volunteers? Wow, that’s surprising. Okay. We’re going to do any exercise. It’s something I use with couples when they are trying to figure out what sort of life they wanna build together. Are you familiar with the miracle question?”

I nodded.“Yes.”

“No.” Bucky answered at the same time. 

“OK, it goes like this. Suppose that while you’re sleeping, a miracle occurs. When you wake up, what is something that you would like to see that would make your life better?”

Shit, that was deep. There’s a million things I could think of that I wanted with Bucky. We used to talk about it all the time. He wanted security in knowing that I wanted a life with him, and I wanted the same, hoping that one day it would happen. Glancing at him, Bucky was slouched in the chair, staring at his hands folded together on his lap. It didn’t look like he was going to be saying anything soon, so I took the first step.

“Um...” I started, unsure how to word this.“I would want to take away any suffering Bucky has gone through, so that he could have a somewhat normal life, and didn’t have to force himself through things like this. No offence doctor. That way he wouldn’t have to feel pressured into opening up and he would tell me anything that was on his mind.”

“That’s a good start.” Raynor slowly said.“And it’s a very sweet sentiment, but it’s what you want, (Y/N).”

“That is what I want. All I want is for Bucky to be happy, I love him.”

“Again, very sweet, I know you care about him very much. But let’s try looking at it a different way. You want your miracle to be that James opens up more. That he lets you into the side of his life you don’t get to see in person.”

“I...I guess.”

“You feel left out of the equation, because James won’t express how he’s feeling?”

“Yeah, when you put it like that, that’s what I want. I want my boyfriend to be able to feel like he can tell me anything, no matter how gruesome, traumatic or even little it is.”

“Right. Glad we got there in the end. OK James, your turn.”

I watched in anticipation for Bucky to speak. What if I had messed things up? What if that was the opposite of what he wanted? 

“My miracle would be...not having you involved in that side of things.”

He didn’t even look at me as he spoke. He also didn’t look phased by his answer. So his miracle would be to not have me know about a huge part of his life? He was a hero for god’s sake! Why was he shutting me out? What had I done to deserve this? Had I hurt him in some way that made him feel that he couldn’t talk to me anymore?

“What? Bucky, have I done something to upset you?”

“I just think it would be easier for both of us.”

“You know I’m always here for you, right? We’ve spoke about this before, I don’t understand why you’re only expressing this now.”

Raynor tried to get us back on track.“Alright you two, I think we need to dissect this-”

“I’m sorry doctor but I would like Bucky to elaborate more on this matter, because I’m not fully understanding.”

“What’s not to understand?” he finally looked at me, but I hated this expression. It was as if I had asked the stupidest question in the world.

“Bucky, why are you being like this? You used to tell me about everything, what’s changed?”

He didn’t answer. I just scoffed, hastily grabbing my handbag and coat.

“(Y/N), please sit down.” Raynor asked. 

“I can’t. I can’t sit here and wait for an explanation that I’m not going to get. Just focus on the two heroes, I’ll find out about all of this never.”

I rushed out of the room, breathing heavily as I tried not to cry, but my eyes were already watering. Ignoring looks from people in the waiting room, I couldn’t stop myself from starting to cry. Although I had every reason to be upset that my boyfriend wasn’t communicating with me anymore, I also felt slightly guilty for just storming out of there. Maybe we would have resolved it. 

“Miss, you OK?” 

Oh, I did not want to deal with Walker right now. He would only piss me off.

“Do you need help? We can provide assistance if you need it.”

Although I had wanted to walk away, I knew I should have, my feet were already leading me towards him. I was embarrassed that I was still crying, but I tried to block that from my mind by now. He was leaning against a police car with his friend, who’s name I hadn’t bothered learning.

“You don’t look so good, shall we get a cop to drive you home?”

“Who do you think you are?!” I snapped.

“Well, I’m Captain America-”

“No, you’re someone who thinks they’re anything close to what Steve was. He didn’t go around introducing himself as Captain America, He didn’t care about the title. I understand you’re under a lot of pressure Walker, Steve has a huge legacy to live up to. But don’t you dare come waltzing in expecting those two amazing men to immediately work alongside you like nothing has changed.”

“You got all of that out of your system?”

My eyes widened at him.“Are you serious right now?”

“Look,” his friend butted in,“we just don’t think it’s a good idea for you to get mixed up in this. We’re dealing with something major here, it could effect the whole world.”

“Sorry, but who are you?”

He rolled his eyes.“Come on man, how many times? It’s Battlestar.”

My face remained emotionless.

“Lemar Hoskins? You know, the new Captain America with his-”

“I don’t think she cares.” Walker explained. 

“You think I don’t know anything about trying to save the world? My friends are part of the Avengers, my boyfriend fought against Thanos. He disappeared in the Blip and I was left by myself wondering if he would ever come back. I’ve been targeted, I’ve seen aliens close up. Nothing could effect me now.”

“Well, I’m sorry you’ve had to endure that.”

“Do you two just not listen to anyone but yourselves?”

“(Y/N), listen,” Walker dared to put his hand on my shoulder,“you’re a normal citizen like us. No super powers, no hidden strength, yet here you are with a super soldier that’s over a hundred years old! I mean, do the maths here, you could have walked away from all this danger. And yet, here you are, by yourself at a police station, whilst your boyfriend cares more about his ‘job’ than making sure you’re safe.”

That was it, the last straw. I slapped his hand off of me, preparing to punch him square in the face, when someone pulled me back.

“No (Y/N)!” Sam raised his voice as he made sure to distance me away from Walker. He quickly stood in between us. 

“What did you do, Walker!?” Bucky quickly stormed over.“Did you touch her?!”

Sam was desperately trying to diffuse the situation, knowing that people could be watching.“Bucky, calm down.”

“Did he do anything to you?” Bucky asked me quietly, his hands cupping my face as he looked over me.

My heart raced at the gesture, forgetting for a second that I was upset with him. I shook my head with his hands still on me, and they slid down my arms, one wrapping around my waist to keep me close to him. 

“I didn’t touch her Bucky, I was just trying to....you know what, it’s not even important. Can we talk, privately?”

“(Y/N) is staying.”

Walker sighed.“Look, if we divide ourselves, we don’t stand a chance, you guys know that.”

“So what do you got?” Sam said.

“Well the leader’s name’s Karli Morgenthau. We’ve been targeting civilians who’ve been helping Karli move from place to place.”

Lemar spoke up.“They geotagged a location, then scrambled the signal. But our satellites have found their symbol popping up in various displaced communities all across Central and Eastern Europe.” 

“We think she’s taking the medicine she just stole to one of these camps.” Walker added.

“Well, there are a lot of those all over the planet since the Blip.” Bucky pointed out.

“Hundreds probably.” I said. 

“So I guess you’ll have to look real hard.”

Walker smirked.“Good thing I have 20/20 vision, huh?”

“Where is she now, Walker? Do you know?”

“No, we don’t know, Bucky.” Walker was agitated.“It’s only a matter of time before we find out.”

Bucky had to push his buttons even more.“Things are really intense for you, aren’t they, Walker?”

Sam came to stand between us and Walker.“Take it easy. Look, Walker’s right. It is imperative that we find them and stop them. But you guys have rules of engagement and all kind of authorization you have to get. We’re free agents. We’re more flexible. So it wouldn’t make sense for us to work with you.”

Sam and Bucky turned away, Bucky guiding me with him. Walker called after us.

“A word of advice, then. Stay the hell out of my way.”

I instantly became defensive.“What the hell is that supposed to mean-”

“It’s OK.” Bucky reassured me, making sure I didn’t go back. Frustrated that Walker got the last word, I hesitantly followed my boyfriend. 

“Hold up,” Sam stopped us,“I think you two need a quick chat before we delve into anything else. You both know that this is something big, we don’t know what we’re fully dealing with yet or how to fix it. Before we do all of that, you two better resolve whatever happened back there. I’ll be waiting Buck.”

We both watched Sam walk away, unsure how to start this conversation. He clearly showed that he still cared for me back there, but should I still be worried that our relationship was headed in a rocky direction?

“You OK?”

“Honestly? No, not really.”

“(Y/N)-”

“Do you realise how much you hurt me back there? I don’t want you to feel like you can’t speak to me anymore. And about me not being involved; what do you think the last years have been like? I know everything, you’ve expressed so much to me, opened up about your past. Why has that suddenly changed?”

“Because we have a chance now. The world is...relatively back to normal. I got an opportunity to make sure you’re safer, keep all of these nightmares away from you, not pass on my torture to you.”

“Bucky...what have the past years been for? Nothing needs to change. Just because things are getting back to how they used to be, it doesn’t mean we need to forget about the past. If I don’t know what’s going on with you, how can I look after you? How can I help you?”

“You shouldn’t have to do this-”

“I already made that decision when I knew I wanted to be with you. But we can’t revert back to how it was Bucky, not after all the work and effort we put in.”

“I’m sorry. I really thought I could make everything better.”

I sighed, reaching out to hold his hand.“They already were. I know whatever you’ve got yourself into is big, but I’m here for you Bucky, I always will be.”

“I’m sorry again, I’ll make sure I keep opening up to you. That’s the least you deserve.” 

I went on my tip toes to kiss him, still worried despite everything he had said. Bucky was still fragile, but now he was on another mission. I wasn’t sure if it was the best thing for him, something for him to focus on. Or it could send him in a spiral, and I wouldn’t know anything about it. I had to stay close to this mission, even if it meant I was in danger. Though what would change there? I had to keep an eye on him, I had to make sure he was OK. I loved him too much to let him slip back into the dark.

[absolutebl]

Linguistic Fun In Thai BL - Pronouns & Honorifics

Pronouns & Honorifics between Thai BL Couples 

Couples that use polite pronouns with each other... 

For example:

I = Pom (the younger male) or own name, Phi or P (the older person)  

You = name (older to younger), P+name (younger to older) or just P (younger to older less formal) 

P’ is technically an honorific but it can also function as a pronoun. 

Note that all the above pictured couples have an age difference? That encourages a certain amount of politeness. You can see our two baby brats (Team & Duen) for exceptions to this. I’ll talk about them at the end.

Dean drops his honorifics a lot, but with everyone not just Pharm. His character is linguistically quite curt. 

Also there is a slight variant in Solo & Gui. Solo adopts the pet name “Guitar” instead of using P’Gui or just P (for you). But he does this only after obtaining permission. So I’m still listing them under the polite-couple heading. 

(Incidentally, Tan & Bunn in Manner of Death use the grown-up polite pronoun khun - you - with each other. Yet another way MoD is not BL.) 

Couples that use rude informal pronouns with each other... 

I = guu

You = mueng

Note that these couples are all the same age as each other? (Just FYI if you travel to Thailand as a tourist, please don’t use these pronouns.) 

Couples that use mixed pronouns with each other... 

Ae uses rude pronouns (guu/mueng), Pete uses VERY polite pronouns (he’s the only character I know who uses rao - old fashioned, cute, formal - for I/me as well as pom). They are the same age so honorifics don’t really come into play. Pete never defaults to rude pronouns even as a form of affection. 

This linguistic difference is used by the narrative to stress the class and income gap between Pete and Ae. Also, Pete’s way of speaking showcases his shyness, stiffness, childishness, and loneliness. Finally, you can also see Pete use formality of address to extract himself from sticky social situations - he is very good with his wai.

Rome uses polite pronouns and honorifics. Pick uses rude pronouns. Which is somewhat okay given Pick is older than Rome, but still amusing as it emphasizes their personality differences. Also it’s one way in which we can see Rome given confidence in Pick’s affection since Pick doesn’t bother to maintain formality but drops to guu relatively quickly. 

Tutor uses polite pronouns and honorifics with Fighter. Sometimes he uses them as if they were weapons to maintain distance. Fighter uses impolite pronouns with Tutor. Again this is a bit more okay because he is older, but also it shows a level of flirtatious interest and allowance. 

Sib uses polite formal adult pronouns with Gene in Lovely Writer (kind of like how you might talk to you parent’s friend, or in an office workplace). You can spot this specifically with his use of khun for you. Gene uses polite-pronouns at first, but they have discussions several times about what is going on, because Gene is confused as to why Sib doesn’t just use P’Gene with him. Gene eventually gets annoyed enough to drop to rude pronouns. Sib states that he intends to eventually call Gene something else and continues to use khun. The extreme variant in their resulting registers is kinda hilarious. 

Sky & Sun in Golden Blood I think are meant to be the same age (or Sun maybe older?) but Sky uses informal pronouns (as if he were older) while Sun uses formal pom etc... This is because of the class difference and the fact that Sun is  household employee. Interestingly, when Sky is imagining talking to Sun in a romantic way he uses P’Sun, but not in person. 

The Linguistic Brats of Thai BL... 

Linguistically Team and Win are adorably aberrant. 

Team drops the honorific P’ with Win almost immediately. While he maintains the use of polite pronouns, he usually calls Win hia. That’s brother as used by some Thai speakers who have Chinese heritage and is less formal than P’Win. It carries with it a certain quality of household intimacy. It is... erm... somewhat cheeky.  

Win, on the other hand, uses rude pronouns, but then he does that with lots of people. 

Win also applies emphasis to polite pronouns to make them seem sarcastic, e.g. nooong Pharm. 

Bohn and Duen are a fascinating pair because they actually discuss honorifics and pronouns as a plot device in their story arc. 

Duen drops the honorific and uses rude pronouns instantly with Bohn, even after realizing Bohn is older than him. This is SO RUDE. It’s difficult to articulate how extremely impolite this is. I think it’s one of the reasons Bohn likes Duen (obviously boy is attracted to brats). 

Duen is the only younger character I have ever seen do this in a Thai drama. (I gasped more at Duen’s pronoun use than the punch that preceded it.) 

This is why Thara is so confused when he encounters them in the clinic. Duen is throwing mueng and guu at Bohn like there is no tomorrow, but Thara knows Bohn is older. 

When Thara asks if they are friends he means intimate close friends of long acquaintance, since it is so unusual to use rude pronouns across an age gap. 

New Section MORE on... 

Thai Pronouns & Honorifics when Seme/Uke is Age Flipped

So this concerns personal pronouns in Thai when the uke/seme dynamic is age flipped. So the older boy (who normally carries the linguistic power/dominance) is the uke (or romantic submissive character). In other words, we are talking about a conflict between linguistic D/s and relationship D/s.

KongpobArthit - SOTUS

MarkKit - Gen Y

MingKit - 2 Moons franchise

SoloGui - Oxygen

SibGene - Lovely Writer

This involves delving into the fact that when Kong and Arthit speak to each other, despite the fact that he is older, Arthit uses pom for I when we expect him to use phi.

On the other hand, Gui usually use phi with his seme under similar age dynamics and relationship circumstances. So Gui is linguistically acting like a polite seme (Dean in UWMA, for example). Kit uses rude pronouns, so he is linguistically acting like a rude seme (Pick in Puppy Honey, for example).

I could only check SOTUS S as SOTUS is off Netflix in my territory and hasn't been uploaded back to GMMTV's YouTube. So I'm not sure if this holds during KongArthit's initial meeting and warring romance.

In the opening sequence of SOTUS S (them waking up together and getting ready for work) Arthit used:

pom and (of all things) káo.

I want to say I'm wrong on the káo because that is very odd for Arthit's character (lovey-dovey and mostly quite girly/cutsie). He also used khun for you at Kong which is super formal, although he mostly just calls Kong by name, and in an annoyed tone. So he's kinda all over the place.

Kong stuck with phi & P'Arthit for you, and pom for I. Which is normal for a younger polite uke character (like Pharm). So Kong is sticking to polite age language rules (and not letting seme influence him).

I think the fact that they both use pom is more an aspect that despite their flipped power dynamic across the age barrier, Arthit is way more agro and tsundere than Gui. (But why not just drop to rude pronouns then, like tsundere Kit?) One would be tempted to say Arthit should push the phi under those circumstances but I think Arthit's attitude is more: I don't even need the phi. It is odd though, you're right. Maybe there's a bit of Arthit still holding Kong at arms length by not using guu/mung with him (which he does use with his friends)? Guu/mung carries with it a certain amount of invited informality that might be seen as encouragement by a younger seme. It's interesting.

I've described Kong and Arthit as coming off as somewhat ace and I think maybe their linguistics are a bit that way too?

Solo/Gui are also skewed tho. Gui refers to himself as phi but pretty much everyone knows that the power dynamic is actually the opposite. Solo makes that clear regularly because he uses the pet name Guitar without honorifics (once he attains permission) constantly, which a younger boy would normally get swatted for as disrespectful. And the way Solo says that pet name is like it's this gift he's been given by Gui. It's clear Solo knows to value the fact that he has been handed the romantic power, and the ability to drop honorifics. But he sticks to pom for I and never crosses that line.

These two are just way more comfortable and settled into their roles and dynamics from the get go. Also Gui is a VERY caring and polite but also occasionally parental and strict for a uke, for all he's a total softie he does act older with Solo regularly. So for all that this is a pretty firm seme/uke dynamic there's flexibility to it around acts of service. Stil Gui’s use of phi for I with Solo probably ties to the fact that he may be uke but he still feels older and wiser than Solo.

Kit uses rude informal with Ming in 2 Moons 2. Ming uses pom for I and phi for you, as if he were younger uke, during his attempts at courting. When they are cuddling or confessing later on in the series (Ep 9 for example), Ming drops the P' and just calls him Kit, no honorific, while still using pom for himself. So that's mixed informality and more what I would expect from a younger seme.

I guess there is at lot of linguistic meat to be had around younger seme's coupled to older ukes in Thai BL, because there is a clear honorific struggle resulting.

I mean Lovely Writer has a whole series of scripted chats about this. Since Sib is clearly an extremely dominant seme what he calls Gene is of deep concern to him. He refuses to use P'Gene (when they meet as adults) mostly because it's too submissive for what Sib wants from Gene. So he defaults to adult very formal Khun in order to cover his ultimate desire (and linguistic conundrum). This also makes Gene seem a whole generation older than Sib, though. And people around them find it weird, especially as Sib doesn’t do this with an other older boys - only gene.

They jump through a ton of pronoun hoops and honorifics during the course of their relationship as a result. They settle into the same pattern as MingKit in the end, with Gene using rude informal guu/mueng and Sib using Gene's name with no honorific and pom for I.

Real world note

Fluke (Pharm) calls Ohm (Dean) P'Ohm even though Fluke is a year older. The actors decided to do this between themselves, presumably partly based on personality and partly placed on the roles they played in Until We Meet Again. They found it easier to keep that dynamic on the promo circuit and have continued since.

Thus strict adherence to phi/nong based exclusively on age is not mandated IRL. Friends/lovers/coworkers/etc.. can alter language for social/cultural or interpersonal reasons. You can hear Santa & Earth on the Studio Wabi Sabi YouTube channel monkey around with this a lot. Earth is much older than Santa, but they very rarely use phi/nong.

That said, both Earth (LBC) and Fluke (UWMA) are out, so that could also come into play linguistically. Argh, so complicated.

Further Reading 

More about the “I” first person pronoun in Thai.

More about the “you” second person pronoun in Thai.

More about the 3rd person in Thai, and the propensity to omit pronouns altogether. 

More about honorifics. 

One last note: 

Third Person Singular = Gender Neutral

Something Thai BL fans don’t often understand early on is that third person singular pronouns are often genderless (it’s rarely she/he her/him, it’s more like singular they/them). 

In other words, Thai speakers self gender and direct gender others in conversation. (”I” and “you” carry gender, politeness, and other cultural connotations.) But Thai speakers do not usually gender others when talking about them in third person (see káo). Despite what you’re taught in remedial Thai. 

Also, many nouns that would carry gender in English don’t in Thai. For example, the word faen is usually translated as boyfriend/girlfriend, but it’s actually genderless and more weighted, like lover+special someone. 

This is why, for example, Dean has to explain to his grandmother that he is dating a man in Until We Meet Again. This is also why translators find it difficult to do justice to the scene at the end of Love Sick 2 when Phun comes out to his dad (or does he?). 

Maybe: “And your lover is serious about this relationship?” 

Final note, I have made an extremely complicated subject as simple as I can for the purposes of greater BL understanding. And my own amusement. Read the articles linked above if you want something more nuanced and professional. 

~ Armchair amateur dilettante signing off. 

Updated to say the the TharnType Wedding Special finally hired a subber who used the Singular They! 

(Incidentally all of this relates to the fact that Thai has registers which are based on many social factors, it’s really fun stuff. BL plays around with them too.)

Others in this series: Explaining Thai to the Bl Watcher, what you might want to know to understand the story and culture.  

Also because the flipped power dynamic of a younger seme with an older uke complicates Thai pronouns and honorifics, I go deep into that because of a question about Kong & Arthit. Also talks about MingKit, MarkKit, SoloGui, and SibGene.

Explaining Thai to the Casual BL Watcher - It Has Registers

Linguistic Fun In Thai BL - Pronouns & Honorifics

BL Actors & Age Dynamics

Thai Pronouns & Honorifics when Seme/Uke is Age Flipped

Thai Honorifics Between Ages in BL and real life

(Original post is kept updated here.)

[franniebanana]

CQL Rewatch - Ep 21

Note: I will be critical of Jiang Cheng in these posts. If you can’t handle that, please feel free to scroll on.

I really like this hug. I mean, if you've been reading these from the beginning, you know how much I love wangxian, but I'm really glad that Wei Ying's first actual hug after returning from the Burial Mounds is with Jiang Yanli. I'm not counting the hug with Jiang Cheng, because Wei Ying didn't hug him back. That hug was thrust upon him and he did not reciprocate. This reunion is very sweet, and tear-filled, and if I hadn't been up since 3 am, I might be feeling enough to shed a tear, myself. That being said, it's hilarious how they keep showing Jiang Cheng in the middle, looking awkward as he tries to balance joy and sadness. I get what the director had in mind, but it just looks weird lol.

But this part is also super sad, because Wei Ying again makes a promise he can't keep: that the three of them will be together forever. Now, I realize that if you hadn't read the novel or weren't familiar with the story, you should already know from the first two episodes that things do not turn out well for the three of them. However, if you're like me and have the memory of a goldfish, you probably didn't realize who everyone was in the first two episodes and even if you did, you've already forgotten long ago that Jiang Cheng was pissy and angry around Wei Wuxian and that Wei Wuxian's inner monologue reveals to us that JIang Yanli is dead. All that being said, his line about staying together forever hits a lot differently when you're very aware of how the story turns out, because Jiang Yanli dies, Jiang Cheng grows to hate Wei Wuxian more and more every day, and Wei Wuxian, of course, defects to save the Wens from slaughter. I think "let's stay together forever" is something you say and mean, but something that you know can't ever truly be. I think Jiang Yanli is old and wise enough to know that she will eventually marry and leave Lotus Pier, even though she will resist it for a while. The rest is uncertain, but I think at this point, Wei Wuxian really does believe and want to stay with the Yunmeng siblings and to stay at Jiang Cheng's side as he leads the Yunmeng Jiang Sect.

I will never not be heartbroken by this scene--even knowing how everything turns out--by how Lan Wangji looks at Wei Wuxian, how if things had been different in Yiling, he would have gone into that room and greeted him, how Wei Wuxian would have smiled at him and beckoned him inside, how they would have sat and Wei Wuxian would have talked Lan Wangji's ear off, like old friends. It's just so upsetting to me, and I can't ever shake that feeling in the pit of my stomach. I know what happens, but these two episodes, until they reconcile, really get to me. It's a horrible feeling when you want to help someone, but they don't see it as helping, and they only get upset with you. I deal with that on an almost daily basis, and I wouldn't wish that feeling on anyone. I really identify with Lan Wangji here, and I think that's why I get such a visceral reaction to seeing him like this.

I don't know if I've said this, but Lan Wangji is my favorite character in CQL and in every adaptation of this story. He is kind of my perfect character--he checks off all the boxes: one-sided love, pining, standing by the main character no matter what, practically abandoning his own family for the person he loves. I love that he has an almost child-like innocence, but he's still very wise; he's smart; he's strong; he has a strict moral code and he sticks to it without fail, even if it means going against his friends and family; he's a loner, but he loves deeply. When I first started watching the donghua and reading the novel, I liked Wei Wuxian the best, and he's still my second favorite character, but Lan Wangji has stolen my heart.

Of course, Wei Wuxian goes to this awkward dinner party, after spending three months around ghosts (and then killing a shit-ton of Wen soldiers), and all he can think about is that empty seat behind him, the one where Lan Wangji should be sitting. It's interesting how the Yunmeng siblings each react: Jiang Yanli starts to become concerned and commits it to memory. She's probably wondering why Lan Wangji isn't there, and then seeing how Wei Wuxian wistfully stares at the empty seat, she finds it even more unsettling. Jiang Cheng just seems embarrassed by Wei Wuxian here and his motivation is to get Wei Wuxian back on track so he doesn't make fools of the Yunmeng Jiang Sect in front of the other leaders. He obviously knows what happened between Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji, and I don't think he's bothered by it at all. He doesn't seem to care whether they're friends or not, and I'd say that even at this point, he'd prefer if Lan Wangji stayed out of Wei Wuxian's life altogether. He knows how close they were, and I think he also knows that Wei Wuxian would choose Lan Wangji over him if given that ultimatum. With Lan Wangji out of the picture, Jiang Cheng gets to maintain more control over Wei Wuxian than he otherwise would. Even later on at Lotus Pier, he wants Wei Wuxian around, helping him, being his right-hand man. He doesn't want him wandering around the city or galavanting off with other cultivators. Granted Wei Wuxian was drinking at the time, but I don't think that invalidates my point that Jiang Cheng wants Wei Wuxian to stay in line and stay at his side where he can control him. You know, because he sees the relationship (as Wei Wuxian suggested) as the same as their two fathers: where Wei Wuxian is in a subservient role to Jiang Cheng. Mind you, that's different from seeing him as a brother, and I think, while there's some of that mixed into his other feelings, it's a very small portion.

No screenshot, but the following scene, after Wei Wuxian leaves the dinner party, Jiang Cheng follows him out. And even here, he asks what's wrong--asks if he's upset because of Lan Wangji--but then scoffs at how that could really be what's bothering him. He says something like, "Why did you come here just to be disliked by him?" I think while he gets that they have a close bond, he doesn't really understand the depth of the relationship. He's jealous of Lan Wangji, but doesn't fully understand why. Ultimately, I think Jiang Cheng, because of his parents and the way he was raised, really doesn't understand what it's like to have a good relationship with anyone. And this ignorance isn't his fault--he's a product of his parents and surroundings, and no one, including himself, has ever tried to fix this. So, without being able to really understand how relationships work, he scoffs at how Wei Wuxian could still be upset over what happened with Lan Wangji. Jiang Cheng essentially gave Wei Wuxian what he wanted in that moment, which was unconditional support to carry out his revenge, and yet Wei Wuxian is hung up on Lan Wangji not being supportive there, and in fact being in opposition to him. Jiang Cheng doesn't even really have friends, so he thinks Wei Wuxian should just get over Lan Wangji and move on with his life, but it's not that simple. Lan Wangji isn't just an acquaintance, he's not just someone that Wei Wuxian partnered up with to fight a battle or carry out a mission--he's a soulmate, a kindred spirit (if you want to go down a less romantic route).

I rarely can say anything bad about Jiang Yanli (except how she's almost always making soup), and here's another example: Chenqing. She's so far the only one who supports Wei Wuxian having a first class spiritual tool. She immediately shows interest in the flute, even encourages him to give it a name. Lan Wangji immediately sees the flute as something bad, while she's completely supportive. And this is really what Wei Wuxian needs right now, and I love her for being there. She's also about the only person he will genuinely smile around. He gives everyone else forced or fake smiles, but not Yanli. At this moment, I think he only wants to be with her, and I can't really blame him when everyone else is either opposing him or just wanting something out of him. She really is coming from a place of sympathy and comfort that's different from how the others are handling things. Lan Wangji wants to help, yes, but he tries to force it.

Imagine being in this room, listening to Jin Zixun (I'm not even sure if that's his name lol) trash talk Wei Wuxian, wanting to say something in his defense, but being unable to, not just because it's not your place to do so, but also because you're not even sure if you can defend him anymore. I think Jiang Cheng is struggling with the same. He stands up to Jin Zixun, finally getting him to shut up by saying that it's a domestic affair for the Jiang Clan and none of his fucking business, but Jiang Cheng also struggles to find excuses for Wei Wuxian. And that would certainly be difficult, because Wei Wuxian is somewhat like a stranger now. He's similar, but he's not the same Wei Wuxian that Jiang Cheng grew up with. He's really a shadow of his former self. But Lan Wangji has the added bonus of not being able to speak on his behalf because he's not even in the same clan--who is he to defend Wei Wuxian? He can't even stand with the others at the table (can't or won't, I'm not sure), so he certainly can't speak to Wei Wuxian's honor in front of all the other leaders. I'm sure the conversation back in Yiling is still running through his mind: this is a Jiang Clan affair--and to have that repeated again to someone else. That very much puts Lan Wangji in the "other" position. He's not in Wei Wuxian's clan, therefore, it's none of his business. He should care about him. He shouldn't try to protect him. He shouldn't try to guide him. But the problem is he still cares deeply about Wei Wuxian, and he wants to help him and protect him and guide him.

These scenes are always hard to watch for me (thank god for the special edition cut). It's really hard to watch the clans doing to the Wens what the Wens have done to the other clans. As if war wasn't already terrible enough, you also have what happens to the prisoners of war. In this case, Wen Qing's sect are all healers and have little to do with the war that the rest of the Wen Clan was waging on the other cultivation clans. However, they are still treated as enemies and imprisoned. It's difficult to watch the other clans, who you want to root for, making the same mistakes and transgressions as the Wens, who we are supposed to look at as the proper enemies in the story.

As we've seen a few times in this episode already, Wei Wuxian is having trouble controlling all the negative energy that's surging through him and the Yin iron, and on some of those occasions, he's touched his old wound. As he does this here, everyone looks at him, but he just looks at Lan Wangji. This is the person he cares most about in this room, the person whose heart his closest to his. I have nothing profound to say--I just like it.

And of course Lan Wangji looks right back at him. He knows Wei Wuxian best, even better than his own "brother", Jiang Cheng. He knows what happened in Xuanwu Cave, he saw the effect the sword had on him. I feel like each time they exchange glances, they are both crying out to each other, but Wei Wuxian is too stubborn to ask for help and Lan Wangji doesn't want to force the issue and strain their relationship further.

The way Lan Wangji hesitates here before saying, "I don't know," kills me. To him, it's just further proof of how Wei Wuxian is getting farther and farther from him, how the chasm between them just keeps growing. He's upset here. He doesn't know what to do. He doesn't want to force Wei Wuxian to do anything--that's against his clan rules, but more importantly, against his own ethics--yet he doesn't want to stand by and do nothing while his friend destroys himself. I think we see Lan Wangji as a character who always knows what to do, someone who always knows the right path, but here we see how that's not true at all. This is a man who is very smart, very clever, but who is also unsure of himself. He's struggling with what's right and wrong. And he consults his brother here, hoping to get a clear answer, so that he'll know what to do next, but he gets nothing of the sort.

It would have been easier for Lan Wangji if his brother has simply said, "Wei Wuxian is wrong and an enemy," but of course he's more wise than that. Nothing is black and whit, and humans cannot be judged for what's on the surface. You have to look deep inside a person, know their intentions, and then you can judge if they are doing what's right or wrong. The problem is Lan Wangji doesn't know Wei Wuxian's intentions. Months ago, he know Wei Wuxian wanted to defend the weak, protect people who couldn't protect themselves, and live by such a just moral code. But now Wei Wuxian seems like a stranger, has murdered many, many people, and has taken cruel revenge upon Wen Chao and Wang Lingjao.

What I've noticed in this episode is that Wei Wuxian will look at Lan Wangji, but he always averts his eyes fairly quickly. It's as if he's afraid if they make eye contact for too long, he'll be letting Lan Wangji in, which he does not want to do under any circumstances. Letting Lan Wangji in means admitting what's going on as well as opening up Lan Wangji to danger. Wei Wuxian does not want anyone else getting hurt or dying because of him, so it's better to reject everyone and focus on his own clan.

Honey, I'd walk away too. It's hard to tell if Lan Wangji is about to cry or about to punch Wei Wuxian in the mouth--either one would have been excellent, but I'm leaning towards the latter. Lan Wangji had to answer Jiang Yanli. She met him by chance, but it was she who initiated the conversation. Of course, angst rules being what they are, we had to have a misunderstanding a la Wei Wuxian walking into the conversation midway and making the asinine assumption that Lan Wangji was just breaking his confidence by telling her EVERYTHING. Of course, anyone who knows Lan Wangji knows he'd never do such a thing. But when Wei Wuxian's shijie comes to him, voicing her concern and asking about him, he has no choice but to empathize with her and tell her what he knows.

I really like this little exchange. Reliving the fight on the rooftop, before they were acquainted, before they were friends--before Lan Wangji fell for him. This time when he attacks, it's not about malice, it's not about breaking the rules and bringing liquor into the Cloud Recesses--it's a man, looking at the one he loves, scared out of his mind, worried that that man is going to destroy his mind and body, using a taboo cultivation method. This fight is a love letter, as far as I'm concerned. It's an act of desperation.

Also I fucking love that around four or five people have asked Wei Wuxian where Suibian is, and each time he makes up a lie: he forgot it, he isn't in the mood, he didn't bother to bring it. But when Lan Wangji asks him, he doesn't respond. He doesn't lie, he doesn't laugh it off--whatever he does, Lan Wangji will know that he's lying, and Wei Wuxian knows that.

Other episodes: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | Or just check out the #CQL Rewatch hashtag

[scotianostra]

The Dugald Stewart Monument 

Dugald Stewart  was a Scottish philosopher and mathematician. Today regarded as one of the most important figures of the later Scottish Enlightenment. I took the pics yesterday on a visit to Edinburgh. 

The Scottish Enlightenment began in the mid 18th century and continued for the best part of a century. It marked a major shift from religion into reason. Religion had been influential in every part of Scottish life. A little over a hundred years before it resulted in a war between the Royalists and covenanters causing countless deaths in period known as the killing time, indeed during the Enlightenment the strict Calvinists Government meant some people were punished for crimes such as blasphemy.

 With the Enlightenment everything was examined: art, politics, science, medicine and engineering. 

My favourite wee story about Dugald Stewart involves other big hitters of the era like Dr Joseph Black,  Professor Adam Ferguson, John Home and two other poets, Robert Burns, our national bard, and Walter Scott, famous for may poetic works as well as the Waverley series and Ivanhoe. I’m not sure about how Walter Scott had come to be at the meeting on Edinburgh Southside in  Sciennes Hill House as he was only 15 at the time, but he must have been a bit star  struck, these guys were the creme de la creme.

We know what happened, because Scott left several accounts of the meeting. Burns, it should be said, did not do so, but by then Burns was well on his way to fame and no doubt met many of Edinburgh’s literati in the Oyster Clubs and other clubs such as the Crochallan Fencibles Club, one of many he became a member of.

Scott recalled in 1827: “I was a lad of fifteen in 1786-7, when he came first to Edinburgh, but had sense and feeling enough to be much interested in his poetry, and would have given the world to know him; but I had very little acquaintance with any literary people, and still less with the gentry of the west country, the two sets that he most frequented.

“Mr Thomas Grierson was at that time a clerk of my father’s. He knew Burns, and promised to ask him to his lodgings to dinner, but had no opportunity to keep his word, otherwise I might have seen more of this distinguished man.

“As it was, I saw him one day at the late venerable Professor Fergusson’s, where there were several gentlemen of literary reputation, among whom I remember the celebrated Mr Dugald Stewart. Of course we youngsters sate silent, looked and listened.

“The only thing I remember which was remarkable in Burns’ manner, was the effect produced upon him by a print of Bunbury’s, representing a soldier lying dead in the snow, his dog sitting in misery on the one side, on the other his widow with a child in her arms. These lines were written beneath, – ‘Cold on Canadian hills, or Mindens’ plain, Perhaps that parent wept her soldiers slain: Bent o’er her babe, her eye dissolved in dew, The big drops, mingling with the milk he drew, Gave the sad presage of his future years, The child of misery baptized in tears.’ “Burns seemed much affected by the print, or rather the ideas which it suggested to his mind. He actually shed tears.

He asked whose the lines were, and it chanced that nobody but myself remembered that they occur in a half-forgotten poem of Langhorne’s, called by the uncompromising title of The Justice Of The Piece.

“I whispered my information to a friend present, who mentioned it to Burns, who rewarded me with a look and a word, which, though of mere civility, I then received and still recollect, with very great pleasure.”

There is no boubt Burns was a major influence on the Young Scott, who as well as his own fiction gather a mot of stories and verse from the history of the Borders and beyond. Much of Burns work was also gathered in this way, although Burns wrote his work in the Scot’s language, Scott wrote in the more easy to read English, although he does use some Scots words, this is perhaps how Walter became famous and popular down south as well as at home for his novels.  

Back to the monument, it takes the form of the Choragic Monument of Lysicrates and was designed by  William Henry Playfair.  The choragic form was also used for the nearby Burns Monument, but Stewart’s memorial is in a much more prolific position, which in my mind is due to him being an Edinburgh man. 

[randomikemendegen]

It's nearly 4:45 in the morning (at the time of writing) where I am but fuck it, my brain's creative juices are flowing but my body says no so HERE'S A TEXT POST ABOUT MY OCS AND THEIR RELATIONSHIP WITH THEIR RESPECTIVE DORM LEADERS--

(note: I WILL be drawing a relationship chart sooner or later... or in the future, hopefully soon 🤡🤡🤡)

HEARTSLABYUL

Quintin Blanpine — Riddle Rosehearts

At first, their relationship was really.... kind of "cruel", in a way really.

What with Riddle essentially working Quin to the bone, though his reasoning was more of [He needs to build more confidence in himself] and genuinely thought that what he was doing was the right thing. Quintin wasn't PLEASED AT ALL with the treatment, but kept quiet about it...

.... at least until Chapter 1 occured.

They got to actually talking and found that they had some common grounds and became close acquaintances.

(One such thing is their shared thought of Seisear being a huge PAIN to deal with despite his usually good and sincere intentions; another is actually them bonding over the dormitory's hedgehogs and love of crossword puzzles.)

Seisear Marchare — Riddle Rosehearts

A one-sided "friendship" on Sei's part (initially).

Riddle really HATED how Seisear was almost always out-of-control "like a petulant child" and seemed to follow his own sets of rules, thus he more often than not hit the other student with his Unique Magic in order to make him reflect even just slightly.

Seisear on the other hand found Riddle to be quite the "hilarious little prince"~. He always found the redhead's reactions funny, and while he may act terribly uncontrollable, Sei does notice how lonesome and closed-off Riddle seems to be-- it's mostly the reason why he likes to bug his classmate almost all the time~.

(Thankfully it seems like after Chapter 1, they've actually become closer and a little bit more friendly... though Sei still keeps getting collared with [Off With Your Head!] due to how far he can go with messing with Riddle for the laughs~.]

SAVANACLAW

Lala-Phula Tigris — Leona Kingscholar

Kind of an odd relationship.

On one hand, they both act somewhat antagonistic towards each other, on the other hand they're actually... kind of close??? To say the least??? Like, they casually throw snarky words and insults at each other, but they also acknowledge each other as "okay"???

Leona finds Lala to be more like a bothersome kid that won't stop pulling his tail for some attention (if you can call the regular declarations of challenge to be that).

Meanwhile Lala thinks that Leona isn't deserving of being "the king of the pack" (ie. dorm leader, in her own terms) but also begrudgingly accepting the fact that he is genuinely strong and thus respects him.

Raetel Gura — Leona Kingscholar

More animosity here than the previous one that Leona and Lala had, though it's not out of actual malice and there's no actual fighting that's happened so far (except for the first time they met), but there ARE some close calls here and there.

Though they're more prone to hurling insults at each other and getting creative with their wordings on how to best annoy the other instead.

Raetel is GENUINELY livid with Leona, mostly out of the fact that they know that Leona could do so much better but chooses NOT to and instead prefers to usually lazy around.

Leona on the other hand mostly thinks of Raetel just as "that fox-sham of a teacher's kid", along with expressing annoyance at how much Raet gets up in his case.

OCTAVINELLE

Leviotan Genov — Azul Ashengrotto

This relationship is on thin-fucking-ice. Period.

Levi knows Azul's type and thus is ALWAYS wary and cautious of his dorm leader, while Azul notes on how distrusting Levi is and is just as wary of his potential plans and methods in which he can foil him.

Funnily enough though, they actually respect each other to some extent and have some slightly similarities here and there that have even both of them acknowledging that fact.

It's to the point of them actually often being seen talking with each other, though if you inquire about that they'll just reply with "it's just business talk".

Viviane Genov — Azul Ashengrotto

Friends....???? To be more accurate, Vivi sees Azul as a friend (like she does with literally everyone else) while on Azul's end he's not sure if they could even BE called "friends".

They certainly are on good terms though that's for sure.

Viviane can see past through Azul's personality and pick up on how actually lonely he is and how much hard work he had to do to finally get to his current self, so she's genuinely really nice and friendly to him.

Meanwhile Azul's kind of wary about Vivi's sincere attitude and is a bit doubtful, though he doesn't mind it at all now that they're both in 2nd year and even seems to actually take a liking to having her in his company on occasion.

Azul still thinks she would make for a good business advertisement and attraction to Mostro Lounge, but Levi threatens to suffocate him to death if he ever tries to so he'll have to pass on the tempting thoughts.

(NO SCARABIA FOR NOW I'M SORRYYYY :(((( I'LL MAKE SOME SOON I PROMISE)

POMEFIORE

Fuyume Yukitosu — Vil Schoenheit

Acquaintances? Of sorts?? It's,,, kinda hard to describe this relationship.

Fuyume has no specific feelings whatsoever to her dorm leader and is perfectly willing to go/do whatever he asks or whatever house rules there are.

Vil meanwhile likes the fact that Fuyu is among the more obedient (especially to the strict regiments that he makes EVERYONE adhere to) of the Pomefiore students, though he can't help but vocalize on how she should open up more to other people.

Which results in her acting like a confused child at times because she has zero ideas on how to NORMALLY converse with someone, so Vil personally takes to putting her in more social circles despite any plights she may have.

He is slightly bit jealous at how she doesn't need to do anything and still remain beautiful, but that feeling decreases due to the fact that she's basically almost like a wallflower with no life and thus can't help but also becoming strict with her in an attempt to get her to finally bloom.

IGNIHYDE

Ophiou Chos Gorgos — Idia Shroud

Close friends!! They have a lot of shared hobbies, likes, dislikes, and interests!!!

They're even close enough that they call each other with nicknames and are even online friends (they even message each other whenever Idia doesn't wanna go out of his room).

Ophiou does sincerely appreciate and like Idia's companionship (along with Ortho), and is very grateful to have someone he could finally call a "friend", yet he does acknowledge on how isolated Idia is more so than himself and can't help but occasionally worry. He is also still mildly scared of being rejected by his (first) friend because of his eyes.

Idia, meanwhile, is DELIGHTED to find someone he calls a "kindred spirit" and is even more open and honest with Ophi due to this fact. Though even then, sometimes Idia's slightly afraid that he might push him away if he ever gets too heated up about any topic and end up looking/acting creepy.

Regardless, they both game together on occasion and even hold anime marathons. (Of course, Ortho is more than welcome to join in)

Raneus Salpho — Idia Shroud

This relationship, unlike the previous one, is more distant. The two of them don't interact that much, but whenever they do, it's with a comfortable distance between them.

It's not that they hate each other, it's just that sometimes their interests align and it's mostly the reason they interact. (Even though they've known each other from way back, they were still distant towards each other and didn't talk much)

Idia often approaches Ran for commissions in sewing cosplay clothing or even just general merchandise that can be sewn before quickly going back to his room.

Though the few amount of times he actually managed to talk with Ran, he found that they actually had some few common grounds... before Ran ended up (unintentionally) scaring him (again).

Raneis meanwhile is totally neutral to his dorm leader, but is a tiny bit annoyed with how Idia doesn't take care of his appearance and thus often finds himself essentially getting up on his face and even threatens him to take better care of himself. Besides that little nugget, he takes up on Idia's requests with no complaint whatsoever.

DIASOMNIA

Cirnu Alva Valirgethen — Malleus Draconia

Cirnu treats Malleus like a younger brother and you can't change my mind.

Okay okay, but in all seriousness, they have a really close relationship! Almost sibling-like, in a way.

While Cirnu does like occasionally playfully messing with Malleus, it's just harmless fun and she's quick to apologize if she says anything out of line. She (also) looks out for Malleus and feels bad that he's not getting invited to anything by anyone, and tries her best to cheer him up by reminding the other Diasomnia members to NOT forget to invite him to any parties that the dorm may have.

(It's also the major reason as to why, despite knowing about it since way back, she allows and supports Malleus and Yuu to interact with each other.)

Malleus, meanwhile, does sincerely appreciate her efforts in making sure he does get invited to stuff and socializing, he does wish that she would be a bit more gentle in her readings since it's a bit embarrassing.

Especially since she often calls him "boy", despite the fact that even though she IS older than him, they only have a few years of an age gap between them.

Berebis R. L'Ephegor — Malleus Draconia

Another complicated relationship to explain??? Kind of????

On one hand, they've barely interacted with each other, but on the other, Malleus' heard of Bel so many times from either Lilia, Cirnu, Silver, and/or Sebek (definitely more with that last one due to his annoyance with Bel).

So Malleus more often than not decides to go looking for him out of curiosity.

After some awkward distance and general apathy (mostly from Bel's side) for a while, their relationship eventually becomes that of quiet acknowledgement and understanding. And occasional harmless jokes and teasing (from both sides).

Due to Bel being among the very few that neither fear nor revere him, Malleus finds some form of comfort and companionship in him. He's mildly curious as to why Bel is the way he is but doesn't push that topic any further since except for a few times due to being unintentionally more curious than he should.

Bel meanwhile didn't like the fact that the most powerful student of NRC kept approaching him and often ignored him, but eventually relented and decided to converse with Malleus. Only to actually end up slightly come to like how Malleus was different from his initial perception, and now kind of enjoys his company.... but you won't get him to admit it. Ever.

[blueskymovies]

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A film, also called a movie, motion picture or moving picture, is a work of visual art used to simulate experiences that communicate ideas, stories, perceptions, feelings, beauty, or atmosphere through the use of moving images. These images are generally accompanied by sound, and more rarely, other sensory stimulations.[1] The word """"cinema"""", short for cinematography, is often used to refer to filmmaking and the film industry, and to the art form that is the result of it.

❏ Movies Online ❏

Its and Jeremy Camp (K.J. Apa) is a youthful and hopeful performer who might want just to respect his God through the intensity of music. Leaving his Indiana home for the hotter atmosphere of California and a school or college training, Jeremy before long comes Bookmark this site across one Melissa Heing (Britt Robertson), an individual college understudy that he takes sees in the crowd at a nearby show. Bookmark this site Falling for cupid’s bolt promptly, he acquaints himself with her and rapidly finds that she really is pulled in to him as well. Notwithstanding, Melissa keeps away from shaping a sprouting relationship as she fears it’ll make an abnormal circumstance among Jeremy and their common companion, Jean-Luc (Nathan Parson), an individual artist and who additionally offers feeling for Melissa. In any case, Jeremy is persevering as he continued looking for her until they in the long run cut off up in a caring dating association. In any case, their energetic romance Bookmark this sitewith the other individual includes a stop when life-threating updates on Melissa having malignant growth becomes the dominant focal point. The determination never really discourage Jeremey’s affection for her and the couple inevitably weds presently. Howsoever, they before long wind up strolling a brilliant line between a coexistence and enduring by her Bookmark this siteillness; with Jeremy scrutinizing his confidence in music, himself, and with God himself.

A television program that shows food introduction in a kitchen TV studio. During the time of this program, the show’s host, who is regularly a big name gourmet expert, plans at least one dishes during the time of the scene. The gourmet expert takes the review crowd through the food’s motivation, readiness, and phases of cooking. likewise called “cel (short for celluloid) movement”, this is among the most established liveliness subgenres. Essentially, it is a method of energizing an animation by drawing and painting envisions yourself. Each drawing or painting is an alternate edge of activity, so when they are flipped or placed in arrangement at the correct speed, they give the fantasy of development. Models are Beauty and the Beast and Spirited Away. A story with respect to a beast, animal or freak that threatens individuals. Generally, it fits in to the repulsiveness kind, for instance, Mary Shelley’s epic Frankenstein. Shelley’s Frankenstein is ordinarily additionally considered the main sci-fi story (organic science reviving the dead), yet it presents an immense “animal”. Other clear Monster stories are of the animals of legends and tale: the Vampire, the Ghoul, the Werewolf, the Zombie, and so on Creatures, for example, that portrayed in Karloff’s The Mummy would likewise qualify.

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Copyright is a type of intellectual property that gives its owner the exclusive right to make copies of a creative work, usually for a limited time.[1][2][3][4][5] The creative work may be in a literary, artistic, educational, or musical form. Copyright is intended to protect the original expression of an idea in the form of a creative work, but not the idea itself.[6][7][8] A copyright is subject to limitations based on public interest considerations, such as the fair use doctrine in the United States.

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Copyrights can be granted by public law and are in that case considered “territorial rights”. This means that copyrights granted by the law of a certain state, do not extend beyond the territory of that specific jurisdiction. Copyrights of this type vary by country; many countries, and sometimes a large group of countries, have made agreements with other countries on procedures applicable when works “cross” national borders or national rights are inconsistent.[14]

Typically, the public law duration of a copyright expires 50 to 100 years after the creator dies, depending on the jurisdiction. Some countries require certain copyright formalities[5] to establishing copyright, others recognize copyright in any completed work, without a formal registration.

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by many examples such as Millet and Van Gogh, Picasso, Manet, and Monet, etc.[15]

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As referenced, I Still Believe is coordinated by the Erwin Brothers (Andrew and Jon), whose past executive works incorporate such Movies like Moms’ PARTICULAR DATE, Woodlawn, and I COULD Only Imagine. Given their partiality fascination strict based Christian films, the Erwin Brothers appear to be much the same as an appropriate decision in presenting to Jeremy Camp’s story to a realistic portrayal; moving toward the material with a specific sort of gentBookmark this siteleness and truthfulness to the procedures. Much like I COULD Only Imagine, the Erwin Brothers shape the component around the life of a well known Christian artist; introducing his humble begiings and the entirety of the hardships that he should look en route, while melodic tunes/performaBookmark this sitence mulling over significance of the film’s account story movement. Saying this doesn’t imply that that the film isn’t without its heavier minutes, with the Erwin, who (once more) know about strict hints topics inside their undertakings, outline I Still Believe convincing messages of adoration, misfortune, and recovery, which (as usual) are very crucial to watch and experience throBookmark this siteugh misfortune.

This even addresses the film’s content, which was peed by Erwin siblings playing twofold obligation on the undertaking, which has a lot of sincere emotional minutes that may surely pull on the heartstrings of certain watchers out there along with give to be a significant drawing in story of going directly through misfortune and difficulty and finding a reclamation circular segment to get away from it. That is particularly made bounteously clear when working with a deadly ailment that is like what Melissa goes through in the film, which is pretty all inclusive and intelligent in everybody’s reality, with the Erwin Brothers painting the agonizing excursion that Melissa brings with Jeremy close by, who must sort out some way to adapt to agony of a friend or family member. There is a “twofold edge” blade to the film’s content, yet I’ll specify that underneath. Get the job done to express, the film settles rapidly in to the recognizable example of a strict religious component that, while not actually cleaned or unique, could be the “comfort food” to a few; anticipating a healthy message of confidence, expectation, and love. By and by, I didn’t know about Jeremy Camp and the account of he and Melissa Heing, so it was a significant impactful excursion that was contributed unfurling through the whole film’s procedures. As a side-note, the film is a lttle bit a “tragedy”, so for people who inclined to crying during these emotional ardent motion pictures… .get your tissues out."

[youwerenevermeanttofeelalone]

Somebody Sweet to Talk To ❁︎ 𝐒𝐈𝐗

Pairing: Harry Osborn x Plus Size Reader

Word Count: 4k

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Summary & Warnings || Series Masterlist

𝐈 𝐝𝐨𝐧'𝐭 𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐧𝐚 𝐠𝐞𝐭 𝐬𝐭𝐮𝐜𝐤 𝐢𝐧 𝐦𝐲 𝐰𝐚𝐲𝐬 𝐚𝐠𝐚𝐢𝐧

𝐈'𝐦 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐚𝐬𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐭𝐨 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐲 𝐚 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐩𝐥𝐞 𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐬

𝐈'𝐯𝐞 𝐠𝐨𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐧 𝐛𝐚𝐜𝐤 𝐭𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐫𝐨𝐚𝐝 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐈 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐞𝐝

𝐋𝐨𝐨𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐢𝐧𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐚𝐝 𝐨𝐟 𝐚𝐥𝐰𝐚𝐲𝐬 𝐩𝐢𝐜𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐟𝐥𝐨𝐰𝐞𝐫𝐬

❁︎ ・・・・・❁︎ ・・・・・ ❁︎ ・・・・・❁︎

Harry groaned while trying to get up from the bed. He didn’t have any broken ribs, but everything hurt to the point where painkillers didn’t even grant him sleep. It wasn’t the worst beating he had received, it wouldn’t even enter the top 10, but he was only human so it was normal for it to hurt like a bitch.

’The silver lining is he won’t react like this on Saturday,’ Harry thought bitterly as he looked at himself in the mirror to start the oh so familiar damage recount. The busted lip was the only thing he wouldn’t be able to hide — Peter would believe him if he said he had fallen on the front steps of his house, but you wouldn’t. You were more observant, and a medic in training.

On Saturday he changed his outfit more times he would ever be comfortable by admitting. Harry needed to impress people that night, two people that preferred his best friend over him. Dressing like Peter usually did wasn’t an option, his male best friend sucked at color coordination and he wore hoodies most of the time.

His father would wear dark grey, that was why Harry didn’t even consider a suit in that color. He settled on all blue. He looked fine, or at least he thought he did. Checking the time, he smoothed imaginary wrinkles on the jacket and left the house.

You were freaking out, pacing from left to right in front of your bed. Pepper followed the movements with her eyes, trying not to laugh. You were too mortified for something as simple as dinner, all thanks to Peter. Your best friend entered your bedroom that morning to warn you of how difficult Norman Osborn was to please and extended the reminder of not being a good idea to date Harry.

Of course dating Harry wasn’t a good idea. Dating wasn’t a good idea, actually — Harry was more than fine. And boy was he f i n e. Shaking your head and reminding yourself that thirsting over your fake boyfriend wasn’t a good idea either you halted your pacing to look at Pepper.

Pepper tilted her head, waiting for the question filling your semblance. The inquiry never came, it couldn’t; how could it when it embarrassed you tremendously?

You needed to impress Norman. For Harry’s sake? Debatable. You were prideful, and impressing a man as difficult as he would stroke your ego. Desperate for some kind of positive reaction to your existence, you would do anything to achieve it. Asking Pepper how to do it would mean getting teased, Tony would tell you to be yourself even if that was the entire problem, and Bucky would tease you while repeating Tony’s comment. Could Gwen have helped? You supposed the blonde would be open to at least try with how nice she was, but you didn’t really know her.

Your dad was still visiting, and you were tempted to ask him until you remembered he didn’t care for that. Fuck, your only option was Harry himself. Not for the first time that week, you found yourself in need of his comfort and reassurance — the most dangerous thing you had ever felt. You should’ve stopped it at that moment, tell him you couldn’t do it anymore.

Three Saturdays now you had been through that and the three times your conclusion had been the same. A stupid pattern that needed to be broken yet you didn’t dare to even touch.

“Do I look presentable?” you found yourself asking to not make Pepper think the question would be deeper.

Pepper smiled brightly. “You look great.”

The doorbell resonated throughout the compound. Harry was five minutes earlier from the time he said he would pick you up, as you expected. ’You can get through this,’ you told yourself inwardly as Pepper for some reason escorted you into the elevator, ’it’s just dinner with a strict rich man and his hot son who you’re supposedly dating.’

Oh god, you wouldn’t make it past the appetizers. Harry looked finer than ever, with his busted lip and all, he definitely knew blue was his color and took advantage of it. His eyes taking in your appearance made you nervous, so nervous you almost asked if you should change your outfit or hairdo.

“You look beautiful.” The way he said it, through a breath and looking into your eyes... he was getting good at acting.

Okay, the appetizers had been a very long term goal. You were gone, completely gone. You would’ve yelled at him at that moment to stop tormenting you so much if you hadn’t swallowed an anxiolytic earlier.

“You look handsome,” you tried to smile without giggling. It was weird, the sound that left your throat, but he didn’t tease you. No one around you did, they only exchanged looks.

Harry didn’t continue staring like guys did in the movies, he asked if you were ready to go and when you said yes, he rushed to open the door for you.

Buckling up, you considered faking feeling unwell. As he slipped into the car and his cologne mixed with his aftershave swirled around the air, you threw the idea out of the window and allowed yourself to look at him some more before tearing your eyes away from the side of his face.

He didn’t drag the drive despite his nervousness. The two of you would be punctually there, looking dapper, and inwardly begging for things to go smoothly enough.

His gulp as he opened the front door didn’t go unnoticed by you. Squeezing his hand, you encouraged him to get inside. Both of you did so in politely slow strides, greeted by a maid who took your coat and guided you to the living room.

Norman Osborn stood up, watching you like a hawk. Harry’s eyes were on the right hand that had hit him multiple times as it enveloped the one that had only given him security and shook it; the gesture was curt and firm but not strong enough to bruise. His father’s expression was neutral, eyes critically taking both your appearances in — he seemed pleased with your attires, a tight-lipped smile confirmed it.

Conversation flowed easily due to the nature of meeting new people as dinner took place.

“I must ask, my dear,” Norman said, looking at you. “Why choose someone like my son when you’re surrounded by people like you?”

Feeling the young man tense beside you, you patted the back of his hand under the table. “Well, sir: your son is smart, charming, and interesting. Geniuses aren’t always too approachable and when they are there’s not much to be said or done around or with them, if I may be honest. Harry might not be a genius, but he’s brilliant and knowledgeable on many things which I find necessary in an acquaintance.”

Both men were clearly not expecting such an answer. Norman stared at you to look for signs of a lie and when he found none, he hummed. Harry was trying to calm down, his breathing was getting too shaky to be healthy — the young man didn’t think you had been honest, but oh how he desperately wanted you to have been. The fact that you were defending him from his father was worth more than you would ever know.

Like Harry had expected, Norman treated you with respect and empathy. His father was impressed by you. He couldn’t blame him, it seemed like finally, they could agree on something and the young man enjoyed knowing the reason of their agreement was a pair of expressive eyes and such a kind heart.

A relieved sigh slid past his lips as soon as he got into the car. He hadn’t intended for you to realize, why would he? Grateful for your lack of inquiries, he waited for you to buckle up before pulling onto the street and away from his house.

Now that you had seemingly impressed Norman freaking Osborn you knew getting out of the fake relationship thing would be harder. You understood now, after having heard the changes in the older man’s tone when directed toward his son, why Harry had been so tense since you parked in front of his gigantic house. You also understood why Peter had warned you, but you couldn’t help but wonder if your fake boyfriend had always been treated so coldly.

“Wait,” he breathed as you made a motion to open the door to get into The Compound. His hand found yours, fingers fitting between yours like they had been made to do just that.

You looked up. “Do you need anything?”

Leaning in, he nodded. You nodded back in agreement, a little too effusively for the occasion, taking the advantage your high heels were giving you to be the one pressing your lips to his. The hand he had flush to his side crawled up your arm to slide and hold your head as it was placed on your nape while your free one rested on his chest lightly.

The sweet kiss would’ve been that even if his tongue didn’t taste of the dessert you had just eaten. There was no rush, no public around you to convince, not even an interruption this time. The warmth of his hand penetrated your entire being, there wasn’t a single part of yours that wasn’t content under his touch and kiss — even your brain that most of the time entered in an alert state was calm, and you wondered, as both yours and his eyes fluttered open and mouths separated in slow motion, if that was how being happy felt like.

The living room was full— as full as it could be when half the team was out on a mission at least— snacks filled the entire table between the two main couches. Peter had expected to see a face marked by tears, not a shy wave. Tony asked how had it gone and you said fine in such a natural tone that Peter saw his entire life pass in front of his eyes.

Throughout the night Harry and you exchanged text messages until you told him to get some sleep. It was new to you, as much as you always stayed up until 3 or 4 am, you had never done it while texting someone. Talking with him was easy, like spotting an infection; and stoping was as hard as diagnosing hepatitis without blood tests.

The intellectual stimulation you got from him was different than the one any of your teammates gave you, different than how you felt while solving puzzles or working in the laboratory. Not more real, just more meaningful because you didn’t expect that from him — you thought it would be unbearable to fake being Harry Osborn’s girlfriend, that he would be boring and snobbish, hollow and arrogant; boy, had you been wrong.

❁︎ ・・・・・❁︎ ・・・・・ ❁︎ ・・・・・❁︎

He watched you take the path toward the laboratory one afternoon and sighed before walking toward his friends. Ignoring their glances, he took his tablet out and continued digitally designing his new apartment. After his father met his —unknowingly to Norman fake— girlfriend, he urged Harry to get an apartment so he could have more privacy with you. A surprisingly nice thought that would save him from many stressful situations, and an excuse to spend more time with you while decorating it. He had already told you, he did so on Monday as soon as he saw you — when he asked you to help him you were doubtful at first which made his heart drop.

“Shouldn’t your best friend help you with that?” you had asked, not lifting your eyes from your notes.

He had scoffed, “have you seen Peter’s room? No, thank you.” His comment had made you chuckle and he saw you nod in agreement.

It had been his idea to design it digitally first and only fix details once physically putting everything in place. He would’ve liked you to be beside him while doing it, but you had a job to put attention to so the agreement was that you would give your input and help in your free time.

Interior designing was more difficult than one would think. The solution of calling an expert to keep himself from second-guessing every single one of his choices was too tempting but he wouldn’t give in, not when you would stand behind him, forearms on the edge of the back of the couch as you stared at the screen from on top of his shoulder. Your breath would tickle his neck lightly, sending chills down his spine.

“That couch has too many cushions,” you told him lowly to not disturb anyone around you.

He craned his neck to look at you, “it looks comfortable.”

“Ten cushions for a couch are excessive, Harry.”

“You have eight pillows on your bed.”

“Bed, not sofa.”

“You’re telling me I should have eight pillows on my bed for when you stay over instead of on the couch? Because if you are, I can do both.”

“When did I—,“ you stuttered, fighting the heat daring to crawl up your neck at his words. “Just don’t even dare complaining when you can’t sit down comfortably on that thing.”

Harry got impatient, however, and halfway through the designing project decided to hire a designer. You found it hilarious and said you knew he would do that as you walked toward The Compound, lips pursed to keep your laugh at bay.

So what if he had only endured three days designing an apartment before giving up? It was hard! And he didn’t want to feel uncomfortable at his own place! When he defended himself by saying that, you put a hand on his shoulder and told him in a soft sigh that you found the time he lost funny and not his desire of feeling at home.

Harry didn’t know what home was or how it felt, but he had his suspicions that it was more than a place.

❁︎ ・・・・・❁︎ ・・・・・ ❁︎ ・・・・・❁︎

It was a Sunday evening, 3:00-ish pm, your throat was sore from the concert you and Harry had attended the night before. The concert was the reason for the congressional meeting taking place in your room, you needed help and you needed it urgently.

When Harry had picked you up for the concert you had been fine, comfortable like you felt around him now even if mere four weeks had passed from the day you started speaking and faking the relationship, but as the event progressed and you realized how much he avoided staring at you, you came to the conclusion that your feelings were more one-sided than you had assumed. So you needed to know what a crush really was in order to find how to get rid of it.

Peter would be useless at it, and your mentors couldn’t know you were still in distress over liking Harry. Gwen was an expert on relationships, she was good with people and everyone always asked her for advice — she was nice enough to listen.

Your online investigation had been encouraging, a crush lasted four months according to it, you were a week away from finishing the first one which meant the torture wouldn’t last more than the wait for your most anticipated movie of the year.

Gwen giggled at your question, prompting you to frown. “A crush is when you like someone you don’t know,” she eventually explained as her giggles subsided. “You find them attractive, and become a little obsessive over them.”

“Scientifically speaking,” you stated your case, “a crush lasts around four months. It sounds quite excruciating if you ask me, but what I really want to know is how do people get rid of them.”

“You have a crush on someone?”

“No, no,” you shook your head. “It’s for scientific purposes.”

“According to your scientific studies,” Gwen conceded, knowing where the conversation was going, “what is a crush? Because I think my definition is wrong then.”

“Well,” you stood up from the couch, “you find someone attractive, and charming even though they are not naturally, and want to be around them, and feel a deep need of defending them, and wish you could give them a little bit of what they unknowingly and selflessly give you in return... you miss them when they’re not around, and find yourself entertaining the ridiculously childish idea that you are finally safe while experiencing utter fear of being rejected by them because it would mean losing them,” your voice turned softer as the list progressed, eyes twinkling. You cleared your throat to ease the lump forming there and winced at the burning sensation its irritated state brought. “Or at least that’s what I read.”

Gwen swallowed loudly to give her verdict. “You’re in love with Harry.”

“Who’s talking about Harry?” You blurted a screech with eyes open wide.

Gwen stood up from your bed, walking toward you and taking both your hands. “There’s nothing wrong with it, it might be too soon for some people, but it’s okay.”

You shook your head frantically. “I’m not—“ you couldn’t say it, saying it would mean having considered it being true. It couldn’t be true, you couldn’t have skipped so many steps because of a tall endearing asshole. “I’m not talking about anyone I know.”

“I’ve seen the way you look at him.”

“He’s handsome, we all know that. But I’m talking about something different, and even if I wasn’t—“ fuck, you didn’t know how to excuse yourself now.

Gwen gripped your hands tightly. “Breathe,” she cooed gently. “You’re shaking from head to toe.”

“I can’t be in love, Gwen!” You exploded, breath getting harsher every second. “I’m supposed to be a lone wolf, and have thousands of cats, and spend the next few years practicing science before killing myself at exactly 27!”

Slender arms wrapped around your neck, soothing sounds filling your ears as you whimpered. “It’s gonna be okay, I promise there’s nothing wrong with it.”

“But there’s a lot wrong with me,” you lamented on her shoulder.

“There’s nothing wrong with you, don’t say that.”

There was. Your weight, and height, and mental health issues, and past, and how selective you were even though you didn’t deserve what your high standards called for. You went on and on about it, another symptom of your psychiatric issues for sure, crying on the shoulder of the woman you had envied for years.

Gwen felt bad for even telling Harry you were not good for each other, and she felt even worse for having been somewhat right although not in the way she had assumed. It didn’t matter to her anymore if you or Harry had issues or how many, and although she was scared either of you would end up being hurt, she wanted to help — she liked seeing you two together.

“If you don’t want to be in love, why did you start dating him?”

“I didn’t expect to fall for someone I didn’t know well. I didn’t even expect to ever fall in love.” You sniffed, sitting down on the bed once Gwen let you go.

“Does he know?” You shook your head to answer her inquiry. “Why?”

Looking down at your shoes, you confessed, “I’ve always thought he was into you.”

“He wouldn’t be dating you if he was! You’re his first serious relationship,” Gwen tried to remind you, “he opens doors for you, cooks with and for you, walks under the rain to relax you, follows your advice, hugs you when you cry, he knows what makes you feel worse or better, drives you to far away cinemas... he looks at you in a way no one will ever look at me.”

“Peter looks at you in a way no one will ever look at me,” you mumbled. The comment wasn’t halfhearted, but you didn’t care about that anymore.

Gwen hummed. “It’s not the same, you’re Harry’s light. He’s distant to all of us still, you know? And maybe he will always be, with you he’s different — he looks happy with you. And...” she stopped herself for a moment to look for the correct words to not offend you, “and I don’t know if you feel happy, I hope you do, but you look relaxed and comfortable with him. I had never heard you cackle until you started dating him.”

“It’s not real.” You couldn’t keep quiet anymore, it was eating you alive.

“You don’t believe me?”

“My relationship with Harry is not real,” you clarified, avoiding Gwen’s face in shame. “I used to have a crush on Peter, a real one that came and went until Harry and his monotone voice spoke about medicine like talking about the fucking weather and suddenly everything I could process were spicy cologne, full lips, and cherries.”

“You wanted Peter to know how it felt,” she asserted. You hummed, even more ashamed now. “Is your ex-crush on him why you stay at school until he’s finished?”

“Will you tell him?” You asked, wearily.

“No.”

“Tony forced me to keep an eye on him. I wasn’t planning on getting a master’s degree in molecular and cellular biology but it was the easiest way to find a balance between babysitting as I inwardly call it, studying, and working. Subsequently, the crush came back by how much time I spent staring at you two. I think I just felt lonely.” You scoffed at the realization. “Talk about being pathetic.”

Gwen didn’t find it was pathetic. She didn’t think Tony had been considerate enough by putting you undercover like that either. “All of that doesn’t change anything Harry and you do or feel.”

“Only on Harry’s behalf.” You hated how your voice broke, a crack that had nothing to do with your tired throat and everything with the approaching heartbreak.

“Why don’t you ask him?”

You stayed silent for a moment, trying to find a way of explaining yourself. Gwen was looking at you so patiently, as if you were worth her time when you had insulted her in your head so many times for something that wasn’t her fault.

“When I...” you started speaking, swallowing harshly, “when everything happened with Quentin... I did it. I asked him how he felt about me, and now I know his answer wasn’t real. Anyone can lie at any moment and—“ you moved your hand in a motion that didn’t really mean anything. “And I don’t think Harry would lie, but I don’t want to hear his rejection.”

Saying it took a huge weight off your shoulders and drilled a hole in your chest at the same time.

Gwen encouraged you to continue speaking about it if you wanted, and you did. You told her all those things no one knew about your relationship with Quentin, you thought she’d understand. Gwen did understand, and listened, and consoled you, she was just that kind. You couldn’t believe you had once thought she was anything but.

“I’ve always wanted to be like you,” you confessed. As you said it, it dawned on you that you had mixed your jealousy toward her with the admiration you felt. “I don’t know how you do it, but you’re always so nice and look so pretty and everyone seems to love you... and you want to do amazing things for other people which is so awesome!”

Gwen granted you a smile, one of those pretty ones only she could carry. “It takes time to be nice, and it’s difficult sometimes,” she said softly, “beauty is subjective, and you already do amazing things for people, I like that about you. Peter does amazing things for people, Harry wants to save the planet — everyone around us does it in different ways. All of those things you don’t like about yourself are not flaws,” she assured you, taking your hand and squeezing it, “they make you special, whoever thinks of those things as a burden isn’t worth your time or efforts.”

You squeezed her hand back. “But everyone will think they’re a burden, and I’m scared of being alone but I hate saying it,” you rasped a lament.

She rested her head on your arm like you often did against Bucky’s to be comfortable. “You have me, I promise.”

You believed her. Maybe because you wanted to cling to the idea that you could have a friend, but mostly because she hadn’t given you a reason not to do it.

[qvill-s]

it’s real ashe loving hours right now, so may i request 2 and 3 from the good parts list for him? [eyes emoji]

NOTES: in this house, it is always ashe loving hours. i love He™ and his floofy hair and his freckles and his laugh and i’mm somft  ( ; ω ; )

not gonna lie, though, this got really long and i kind of drifted away from the prompt a little bit. it’s not explicitly said, but i hope that the feeling the prompt asked for is still conveyed.

ashe + “we were dancing but all of a sudden it’s a slow song and we’re standing here awkwardly staring at each other” &&. “i just told you i liked you but now i’m shy and say ‘never mind, forget it’ and why are you looking at me like that?” under the cut !!!

“So,” you begin, tone hushed in the quiet of the library, “the professor chose you for the White Heron Cup.”

When you slid into the seat in front of him, Ashe knew that you didn’t come to study. He’s known since a few minutes earlier, when you picked up the book on wyvern tacks and saddles—he’s quite certain that you weren’t wyvern rider, and he hasn’t heard talk of you thinking of becoming one?—and began reading it upside down. He chose not to comment. He also chose not to comment on how you locked eyes with him when you entered the library and then proceeded to ignore him until you sat down.

Now, however, your charade is over. You close your book and place it on the table, steepling your fingers with utmost seriousness. “Can you dance?”

“I…” That wasn’t what he was expecting. He sees the furrow in your brow beginning to deepen, so he hastens to get out his answering, “No?”

“Is that why—wait, what?” Ah, it seems that wasn’t what you weren’t expecting that either. “You can’t dance?”

“No,” he says, with finality and as a statement. It’s the truth, and he knows it’s the truth, but having it said aloud brings the familiar heat of a blush under his skin. You press your fingers to the seam of your lips, regarding him with a thoughtful sort of determination. He fights the urge to squirm under your scrutiny.

After a few minutes, you finally announce, and rather loudly at that, “I’m going to teach you.” The students at the next table over collectively send the two of you the nastiest looks they can muster, and Ashe feels the heat of embarrassment under his skin burn a little brighter.

“That’s nice,” he manages, a bit lamely, in his opinion, gaze darting back to the next table over. Man, if looks could kill. “B-but, ah, maybe we should, talk about this somewhere else?”

You nod solemnly, get up from your seat, and say, “Courtyard, five minutes.” With a smooth turn on the heel of your shoe, you’re gone.

And Ashe remembers that you left a stack of wyvern books on the table. 

Well, he reasons, adding your stack to the one in his arms with a quiet grunt, it’s not as if you’re a terrible dancer. In fact, from what he’s seen, you’re a great dancer. He’s seen you waltz Dorothea into the dining hall, seen you dance with Annette before class. Though both occasions were in good fun, there was a grace and litheness to your steps and the way you carried yourself that belied your abilities. You’re also from a family of nobles in Faerghus. He’s sure that dancing was a part of your curriculum before Garreg Mach, the art of it being drilled into your head since you were young.

So if you’re offering (Demanding? Forcing?) to teach him how to dance, he decides that he couldn’t have asked for a better teacher.

When he makes it to the courtyard, you spot him right away, rising from your seat on the benches and dusting off your uniform. You give him another nod and another scrutinizing up and down glance. “Are you ready to begin?”

“I— here?” In the courtyard? In public? In the direct line of sight of so many people who know how to dance?

“Yes, of course.” Your head tilts a little to the side as you ask, “Is there a problem?”

“There’s…” He surveys the people milling about in the ever-busy courtyard, “There’s, uh, so many people around.”

“And what about it?” You press a bit obliviously, and Ashe wonders if you’ve ever felt the embarrassment of having people watch you fail. “People will be there to watch you dance for the White Heron Cup, anyway. Might as well get used to it now.”

“You,” he concedes, holding back a sigh, “have a point.”

You give him a tight-lipped smile and another nod. You clear your throat, and begin the first lesson with, “Now, the first thing to know about dancing is the importance of how you hold yourself…”

❛ ━━━━━━━━━･❪ ❀ ❫･━━━━━━━━━ ❜

And your time together goes on just like that. You teach him how to dance after classes and training sessions are over, and he tries his best to keep up. It’s a bit… awkward, in Ashe’s opinion, folding his arms around the formless air and pretending it’s another person as he one, two, three, steps his way through your instructions. You stop him periodically to fix his stance, raising an elbow to the correct height, telling him to keep his back straight, and then allow him to continue the boxes he’s dancing around the courtyard.

You’re not as strict of a teacher that he thought you would be. While he expected that you wouldn’t be lenient with your sharp eye and perfectionist attitude, he thought you would be the type to run him ragged in making sure that he’s getting everything right. You do, in fact, the opposite. While breaks during practice don’t come as often as he would like, they come often enough, coupled with reminders to drink water and a query of whether or not he was starting to get sore. You even remind him to get some rest when you part ways for the night, departing for your room with a wave and a “See you tomorrow” in a gesture that was far more casual than what he expected from you.

Come to think of it, you’ve thrown a lot of the things he’d expected of you out of the metaphorical window. He didn’t think you’d be fond of the monastery cats until he saw you surrounded by them in the courtyard, scratching them behind their ears and under their chins as you spoke to them in the softest, gentlest of voices he’s heard from you. He also didn’t think you’d enjoy sweets until Mercedes gave you a box of her famous pastries in the middle of your practices and he saw the way your eyes lit up and the small smile that graced your lips as you thanked her.

Granted, he’s not particularly close with any of his classmates—as in, spill all your secrets and worries close—but he knows them well enough to start some friendly conversation. The moment he realizes that he’s never even had such a conversation with you, that the two of you stick mostly to small talk and schoolwork, is like a bucket of cold water to his face. He elects to rectify this immediately.

“So,” Ashe begins in the middle of your break, “I’ve been wondering…”

The two of you sit on one of the courtyard benches, a box of pastries shared between the two of you. Mercedes had come by earlier, offering the delicacies as thanks for, in her own words, “working so hard for the Blue Lions.”

You tilt your head at him, in the way he’s found you’re inclined to do, swallow a bite of cookie, and prompt, “What is it?”

“Why did you, uh”—again, offer? Demand? Force?—“um, offer to teach me how to dance?”

You only offer him a little, “ah,” and bite thoughtfully into your cookie. He lets you gather your thoughts while he scatters his, wondering if this question was too forward for two acquaintances (Student and mentor? More than acquaintances but less than friends?) having their first friendly conversation with each other.

After a while, you ask, “Can I be honest with you?”

“Sure,” he answers, perhaps a bit too eagerly for his tastes.

You seemingly have not taken any note of this, leaning back against the bench as your gaze shifts to the clouds drifting across the blue sky. “I actually wanted the professor to pick me,” you admit quietly, pointedly not meeting his gaze. “For the White Heron Cup, I mean.”

“Oh,” he says, and he feels a bit guilty.

“I was a little mad at first, and a little hurt, too. I was actually coming over to, ah, politely”—here, you send him a sheepish look that tells him you were going to do anything but—“ask you why the professor chose you over me. But when you said that you couldn’t dance, I realized that you probably didn’t want to be in this situation, so I decided to help you out and try to teach you what I know.”

“I’m sorry,” he replies, almost automatically, feeling a lot guiltier than he had earlier.

You brush his apology off with a wave of your hand, a strange gesture that somehow knocks his words off of his tongue. “Like I said, you probably didn’t want to be in this situation anyway, so there’s really no harm done. It’s not your fault that the professor decided to pick you.”

With that, you send him a reassuring smile. A tiny one, yes, but a smile nonetheless, and his heart jumps to his throat. He somehow manages to return it, and nods in lieu of his currently malfunctioning vocal chords. 

The two of you elect to finish the last of the pastries in comfortable silence, and Ashe wonders why exactly your smile had him reacting the way he did. Preoccupied with his thoughts, he reaches for another delicacy to munch on as he mulls over the events that have occurred—and finds your fingers instead.

He withdraws his hand from the box immediately, drawn out of his thoughts by the electric touch of your fingertips against his knuckles. “Sorry,” he apologizes again, hoping against hope that the blush on his cheeks isn’t noticeable. It most likely is.

You are, at the very least, in a similar state, cradling your hand to your chest and conveying the same shock he felt at the foreign sensation. He pushes the box towards you. “You can have the last one.”

“I… Are you sure?”

He smiles in a way that he hopes will defuse the sudden tension. “You’re the one working the hardest out of the two of us, you know. I’m not too good of a dancer, I’m afraid.”

You look as if you’re about to protest, lips parted and a retort in your eyes, but your mouth suddenly snaps shut. With a shyness that’s a bit off-character for you, you reach into the box and withdraw the last cookie with a soft murmur of thanks.

He nods, and stands from bench, stretching a little. He turns back to you, and asks, “Should we get back to practicing, then?”

You eye the cookie in your hands thoughtfully, then meet his gaze with a, “No, I think we’re good for now.”

“Oh,” he says, and tries (and fails) not to sound a little disappointed.

“Ah, I mean,” you add, a little hurriedly, “I still have to finish that assignment professor gave us on ballistas and trajectories—”

“Oh, of course, don’t let me keep you,” he adds, equally as hurried, as if being hasty would be enough to apologize for jumping to conclusions.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, though, okay?”

“Okay,” he agrees, “see you then.”

As he makes his escape from the awkwardness that’s suddenly enveloped the two of you, he wonders if maybe the whole aura of awkwardness between the two of them could be his fault entirely. 

And maybe, he concedes, stooping down to pet the brown tabby he’s affectionately named Fish, it was. Maybe it was, because the simple brush of your fingers against the back of his hand felt like a bolt of Thoron running through his body. Maybe it was, because the simple, innocent touch of your fingers leaves him wanting more and wondering what your palm would feel like pressed against his own.

❛ ━━━━━━━━━･❪ ❀ ❫･━━━━━━━━━ ❜

Dusk came and went, seeping the orange of the sunset from the sky into a dark blue dotted with winking stars and a crescent moon, but for what seems to be the millionth time that day, you tell him, “Again.”

“Is it— is it alright if we take a little break?” He suggests, meek in his fear of his request being rejected and in his desperation for a reprieve from the monotony of one two three step and waltzing around the courtyard. He spares a glance at the grass the two of you stand upon, and he can easily mark where he’s danced for the past hour or so, patches of green flattened and worn down with how many squares he’s danced on them. He looks back at you again, meeting your stony gaze, and asks, “Please?”

You do nothing but cross your arms over your chest in response. You look so determined, stubborn; so much so that Ashe immediately concedes defeat, moving to resume his position and wait for you to count off.

When what comes instead is a sigh, he turns just in time to see you deflate with the sound, rubbing at your temple as you did so. Before he can speak, you beat him to the punch with, “I’m sorry, I think you’re right. We should take a quick break.”

You smile at him encouragingly, but the emotion is warped, tainted by the taut line of your shoulders and the look in your eye. With another sigh, you lower yourself on the bench, all choppy movements and stiff limbs, lacking in the usual grace with which you carried yourself.

There was something worrying in the furrow of your brow, and he wastes no time in taking the seat next to you. “Are you alright?”

“Fine,” you answer, almost immediately. He levels you with a look of disbelief until you amend your previous statement with a, “Just… worried about tomorrow.”

He frowns. He wasn’t that bad, was he? He thinks that you’re a great teacher, and he’s always made sure to take your comments and suggestions to heart to make sure he can represent the Blue Lions house well in the contest tomorrow. He tells you as much, voice hesitant, but somehow sure in defending the improvement of his ability.

“No, it’s not that,” you tell him, quick in your reassurance. He finds comfort in the fact that you looked aghast at what he thought you were suggesting. “You’ve definitely improved from before. It’s just, I feel like something’s missing.”

“How do you mean?” 

“Your arms, they way you’re holding them”—you hold your own up, rigid and blockish—“it doesn’t look natural.”

You were mimicking him, he realizes, feeling his face flush as your arms lower back down. He sees now why you deemed it to be such a problem, and one that could prove detrimental tomorrow. “How do you suppose we fix it? Do I just relax more—”

“Have you ever held someone like that before?”

He sputters to a stop, flushes harder, the heat crawling down his neck and up to his ears. “No,” he admits after a while, bashfully, quietly, “I haven’t.”

“How about a hug, then?” You press, “Have you ever hugged a friend? Your family, maybe?”

“Sort of?” He searches through his memories for a hug that resembled a waltz, and finds none. He rubs the back of his neck. “I’m not sure, really.”

“Right,” you frown. He feels your scrutinizing gaze sweeping over him once more, a curled finger pressed to your chin as you mulled things over.

“I have an idea,” you announce finally, perking up with a snap of your fingers. “Are you finished with your break, or do you need more time?”

“I’m good,” he says, feeling somewhat rejuvenated from the few minutes he spent sitting down in conversation with you. “What is it?”

In lieu of answering his question, you get up from the bench and, meticulous as ever, brush off whatever imaginary dirt you saw in your clothes. When he moves to follow, he is stopped by the sudden appearance of your hand in front of his face. He blinks, staring uncertainly as his gaze shifts between your face and the hand you extended towards him. 

“I don’t bite,” you joke softly, giving him another smile and an curl your fingers encouragingly. “Come on.”

His heart thunders in his chest as his palm flattens over yours, his palm against own, your fingers curling around his wrist. You tug him forward, off of the bench and on his feet, fixing and adjusting his posture until one hand is held tight against yours and the other rests on the curve of your waist.

You’re standing close, closer than he’s ever been with you—or with anyone, really. The two of you are chest to chest, nose to nose, and he almost forgets how to breathe. 

“Ready?” You ask, voice toeing the edge of a whisper. He swallows a lump in his throat, takes in a breath, and nods. You return the gesture. “Okay. One, two, three…”

He finds it hard to concentrate with you so close to him, with the dip of your waist, with the weight of your hand in his. He can even feel your breath fanning out across his chest through the layers of his clothes, counting out the beat with your gaze directed downward to watch his feet.

“Relax,” you tell him, glancing up at him with another encouraging smile, more genuine that the last. “You’re doing great.”

You punctuate your sentence with a squeeze to his shoulder. He eyes the plush of your bottom lip, and he wants nothing more than to lean down and—

He stumbles on the third beat, but you catch him with a strength and ease that didn’t seem to belong in the intimate act of dancing, pulling him up and into the rhythm with a tug of his hand and a step back to adjust for his mistake.

You never miss a beat.

❛ ━━━━━━━━━･❪ ❀ ❫･━━━━━━━━━ ❜

Ashe wins the White Heron Cup, and he thinks he’s done enough dancing for a while. In the after party, however, he finds there is still more dancing to be had, and that the professor is giving him the opportunity to become a dancer for the class, to rejuvenate their spirits in the midst of battle and give them the strength to fight again. He’s a bit embarrassed, of course, in the way that any praise thrown his way seems to do, but he’s flattered all the same, especially when Annette throws her arms around him in a hug and tells him that he should because his dancing was beautiful. He’s surprised to think that he wishes it was you instead.

The professor is his first dance for the party, and they tell him that they’re proud of him, even giving him one of their rare, small smiles. Annette is second as a more playful song plays, and they have fun with going off beat and dancing a new dance. When she leaves him to find Mercedes and drag her to the floor, he feels a tap on his shoulder, whirling around to find you.

“Do you have enough time for one more dance?” You ask, holding out your hand in the way you did yesterday, with the inviting curl of your fingers and the curve of a smile on your lips. He nods almost immediately, mimicking the smile on your face as he places his hand in yours. As if you’ve even needed to ask.

It’s when you drag him to the middle of the floor than he realizes that the song is still upbeat and definitely not a waltzing song. “How are we—”

“Do you trust me?” You ask, eyes shimmering with a curious and foreign sort of mischief that intrigues him.

“Of course.“

“Follow my lead.” 

You tug him into a dance of quick steps and flying feet, guiding the two of you through the throng of dancers in a routine that seemed both improvised and rehearsed all at once. It certainly wasn’t like any dance he’s seen or read about before, but there’s a measured quality to your steps that belied some form of premeditated decision. Or maybe, he decides, following the best he can to your beat, it’s just you, confident enough in your ability to dance that you were able to adapt to whatever situation and add new things to old ones.

He stumbles here and there, adjusting to the new pace like he was only learning how to walk, but you’re there to catch him before he falls, just like before, ready to turn his mistake into a new step to the dance the two of you weave together.

He wants to see you like this forever. He wants to see you this free, this lively, this happy as you lead him through a series of complicated steps and turns. He wants to see the joy that twinkles in your eye and curves your lips upwards as you dance, your cheeks reddened from laughter and the exertion of your actions. 

He wants to be with you like this forever.

All too soon, the song slows down to something more personal, more intimate, washing the inevitable truth over Ashe with every waning beat of the drum: if he danced with you like this to this song, in front of everybody, he would cross a boundary he wasn’t sure he could cross. The line was drawn firmly into the sand, marking the divide between you and him in painstaking clarity. You were from a noble family, and a powerful one at that. Your future is laid out before you, and has been ever since you were born. There would be no place for a commoner like him.

So, as couples move towards the center of the room and friends move to the sidelines, he steps away. He’s a coward, he knows, when it comes to matters of the heart, but he’s no fool. He will not cross those boundaries or jump over the line in the sand or rewrite what is already set in stone if he does not know that you’ll be with him.

He murmurs something about being tired and getting to bed, backing away from you slowly, but before he can get too far, your fingers close around his wrist once more. When he looks back at you to catch your gaze, to ask you why, he sees the question you left unsaid, hidden behind your lips on the tip of your tongue and your fingers press into his thundering pulse.

And he knows.

He knows his answer, knows that it will never be anything less than a resounding yes.

Later, the two of you dance once more, surrounded instead by the darkness of night and watched only by the twinkling sky and the shining moon. Your hand is clasped in his, your ear pressed to his chest, his nose in your hair—

And you dance to a song only the two of you can hear.

[5-of-spades]

IkeRev Cradlesona

Here it is finally, it’s lacking pictures for now, only until I am back home and can doodle something out; this will be updated;;; thanks for everyone who posted their Cradlesonas before and gave me a boost to do it too 😭😭😭 and for @lovingsiriusoswald for starting the craze and to @msquercusalba for listening to my rambles over her before I actually made this

Maybe this is more of an OC than a Cradlesona??

Sample pictures before I’m able to produce some myself ; made using picrew makers [2] [2] [2]

Cradlesona: Elise Marlowe

Basic Info:

Nicknames: Elí (family only; Edgar Bright is an exception to the rule)

Birthday: 27th of August

Age: 27

Height: 177 cm | 5’ 9’’

Blood Type: 0-

Physical:

Eyes: Greyish-blue

Hair: Silver

Accessories: Long hanging earrings, family ring on her left hand with family crest

Features: Fair skin tone, long silver hair reaching slightly over her shoulders, almond shaped eyes

Illnesses: None

Social:

Affiliation: Red Army / Red territory

Occupations: Youngest daughter of the family, in line to take over family’s pharmacy

Relationships:

Lancelot Kingsley - can’t call him a friend, can’t call his an acquaintance either, had known and met his since childhood (as well as other army officers); has only recently realised her feelings for him and tries to suppress them from surfacing and being obvious

Jonah Clemence - old school colleague, has a great deal of respect for him and his opinions but does think he can be overwhelming to deal with at times

Edgar Bright - finds him a bit eccentric but charming and amusing, had tutored him with chemicals under Claudius Bright’s request, considers him somewhat a friend and meets occasionally for a cup of tea

Kyle Ash - highly agrees with him on his morals and admires his dedication for his profession, has collaborated with him on formations of new medicines

Zero - unsure what she feels about him, he’s the only officer she hadn’t met during childhood and doesn’t feel he wants to meet her, get a change of heart after her ‘brother’ tells her what Zero is really like

Blanc Lapin - as an old family fiend, can remember him from childhood visits to her home, holds him in high regards

Oliver Knight - only heard about the man and his renowned inventions from Blanc and social circle talk but had never met him in person

Ray Blackwell - no opinion so far, knows he’s the opposing side’s King

Sirius Oswald - no opinion so far, only knows little what she had seen of hi during school and what Lancelot and Jonah had told her about him, and it’s hard to figure out what’s the truth and what’s a lie

Luka Clemence - despite his betrayal she isn’t hostile towards him, mainly because Edgar’s reports when he manages to get in touch with Luka, can’t understand why he left

Seth Hyde - knows nothing about him, only his position in the army thanks to Edgar’s intel, no opinion so far

Fenrir Godspeed - knows him due to family name and Edgar’s reports, had seen him around Civic Center but has never interacted with him, no opinion so far

Harr Silver - knows of him because she had seen him around Lancelot and Sirius but he’s a mystery to her, ever since he was pronounced an outlaw she is afraid to run into him, not a positive opinion

Loki Genetta - has only heard rumours about him and isn’t sure he is real, no opinion so far

Personality: Gentle and caring would be the best words to describe Elise Marlowe. The traits very unusual in her family, yet the soft spoken and sweet girl is always with a smile on her face and a forever optimist. Raised in a family of high expectations and a legacy to bear, Elise is very goal-oriented and will find the way to achieve her goals. But unlike the rest of her family, she would never use someone for her own gain. It’s against her morals and she can’t bring herself to harm anyone, no matter their deeds.

Elise is the baby of the family and had always been spoiled but instead of making her into a brat, it further enhanced her inner feeling of needing to give back to the less fortunate than her. Having shown a talent for chemistry and alchemy early on and seeing the possibilities she can use it to help others. She is a very curious woman that could get lost in books or whatever subject she finds interesting.

Aside her good and caring side, she can be stubborn and easily scared of situations she can’t understand. She is not used to not know what’s happening and when something strays from her norm it scares her. She can be too hard-pressed on something to give up, even knowing it’s in vain. Sometimes she can get overly sensitive and let her emotions make decisions rather than her mind. She believes in “actions speak more than words”

In short, Elise is a selfless and caring person that wants to help but sometimes acts before she thinks.

Family and History: Youngest of three children of family, Elise had a childhood many would be envy of. Her family had held the position of 10 of Hearts for generations and had strict rules about which child will inherit the prestigious title of future 10. Marlowes have been among the first families to be established as part of the Red Army in Cradle’s beginnings and have further secured their position by handling pharmaceuticals and providing alchemy services to the citizens. The founder of the family, Augustus Marlowe, established first ever pharmacy in Cradle and his books are used in education of future alchemists and pharmacists. As a founder, he had set rules his descendants were obligated to follow. One of them were to marry people from strickly choosen families to avoid diluting the bloodline. Thanks to this, Marlowe family is also renowned for all family members having eye-catching silver hair and each generation has to provide 3 offspring, of which one has to be a male. These and many more were the rigorous rules that have to be followed.

As the youngest, Elise was utterly spoiled by both her parents and her brother and sister. She got everything she set her eyes on and pointed at with her finger. Despite the overwhelming spoils, she was raised with proper manners and her sister insisted that she should hold herself with dignity and not let her desires get a better or her. Her brother, who is expected to inherit the position of 10 of Hearts, has often read to her and greatly influenced her fashion sense. All three of them used to be close until the fallout between the older siblings. Now, she only remains close with her brother.

As a rule, 3 children are an obligation for Marlowe family. One for the army, one for the alchemy and one for the pharmacy. All children are free to choose which profession they’ll follow, provided that the oldest male heir is sent to the army. At the young age, Elise showed a remarkable talent for chemistry. She was a much quicker learner than the older siblings and her family was overjoyed to have decided on her future so early on. It was a good thing she enjoyed what her future role will ask of her. It only came to finding her a perfect husband down the road.

As a child of nobility and high officer, she had the opportunity to meet with higher and lower ranked officers and through that had met Lancelot, Jonah and Edgar and Luka and later on, Kyle. Same age as Jonah, she attended the same school and same class he had and developed a friendship with the future Queen of Hearts and held his little brother in high regard all up until his betrayal. Due to how her family took a stance against the Clemence family, their friendship took a hit and now, they are slowly trying to bridge that gap. Future Jack had her be his tutor with chemistry outside the school on Claudius Bright’s request for Edgar’s future missions. Through that, she bonded with Edgar and they remained good friends.

Having graduated and set to inherit her family’s pharmacy when her aunt retires, Elise had been put to immense studying for her future job. She found joy in her studies and gladly took everything she was given and looked for some more afterwards. Elise is still very much lives a life she wants and already decided for her, and even if she likes it it, she can’t help feel it’s suffocating to live it.

Skills and Special Abilities:

Extensive knowledge of chemistry and alchemy

Quick reader

Can play the viola

Paired with: Lancelot Kingsley (one-sided ?)*

Life in Cradle: During the day, Elise is tasked with overlooking the family internary and accounting for everything that is lacking. Afterwards she is scheduled for studying for her future employment until lunch. Afterwards she’s usually helping her aunt in the pharmacy. After closing time she is always making sure she visits her ‘brother’ in the barracks. Secretly she sends small medicines or gifts over him to the King, Queen and Jack. She hopes it finds them well. Recently she found that her feelings for the young King of Hearts have resurfaced after seeing him more and more after her ‘brother’s’ enrolment into the army and her heart undeniably skipping a beat. Alas, she knows he is not her intended groom in the future, and if Marlowe puts something above themselves, it’s the family tradition.

* On Elise’s feelings towards Lancelot

Elise had known Lancelot since they were kids throughout various social events her family was invited to along with other families from the red territory. She had considered him a friend but she has never outright called him that, since he was raised to respect him above everything else. As children both were happy to see each other and just have a playmate they could play with before knowing their duty will take over their lives.

That continued through the school years up until they both respectfully graduated. Elise has helped Lancelot with a few tutoring sessions with some of his subjects and had gotten close to him again, just as there were as kids, but has always been more content as his silent supporter from behind. She had also enjoyed making small gifts in form of healthy snacks for him and Jonah when they were all still close back then. At 17, it was the first time she realised she had feelings for him. She didn’t know how it happened but she knew her feelings were strong enough for her to call it live. She fell in love with him due to Lancelot’s selfless actions and kindness, that wasn’t always so obvious at first, but mainly due to what a strong person he was. She admired him for managing to not let his emotions sway him upon his dad’s death, that he carefully considered the best way he could go about things without inconveniencing or causing harm to anybody. And above all, for making a tough decisions when he absolutely had to. Elise knew she never could do that were she in his place, she was far too emotional to be able to think rationality in a situation like so. For most part she idolised him, wanted to be more than friends but she knew she could never. Not only was there a hierarchical difference, she had already been bethroed to someone else.

And yet, she wrote him a letter, detailing her feelings for him in it and left it for him to find. Unsigned of course and let her feelings subside and dull over time, all the while convincing herself that it she had ever told him how she felt it would just end up in rejection. She had wondered if he maybe felt the same way when she had caugh his glace to her over the hallways and during their tutoring. She hoped his small acts of kindness to her meant more than just that. But she didn’t want to be selfish, her sister taught her better than that. She should be happy just being his friend and living to see him rise to the throne to rule. And she was. She convinced herself that she was happy being able to support Lancelot during his reign as a new King of Hearts.

She truly had tired to love her choosen husband. He wasn’t a bad guy, he didn’t do anything to hurt her or make her feel awful for having feelings for another man. He was too good for her and Elise pitied the man. She was still going to go through the wedding when the time comes and tried to erase all feelings about Lancelot from her heart. After all, she is a Marlowe, and a Marlowe always follows the family duty. She had almost done it until her ‘brother’ joined the army and asked for her to visit on a daily basis under the pretense of ‘using her knowledge to help Red Army advance.’ Even if it was just a ploy, she was still happy and eager to help. That’s when she met Kyle through her ‘brother’ and had all the more reasons to visit the barracks. That’s when she had encountered Lancelot again one night in the hallway after having discussed with Kyle about new possible medical solutions. Seeing him again after years and exchanging just a few words had lit a flame inside her once again. Visiting barracks for work bacame the perfect excuse to see him again and have just a greeting between them. Now older and more mature, Elise knows she could never stand by his side as his choosen one but she still hasn’t given up on supporting him till the end. It’s was she has to do.

But so far, she hasn’t received any complains on sending him gifts again after all those years.

[stormhawksplanb]

Nova’s Relationship with Squadrons and others: Enemies

The colonel- Not a single care was made when Nova threatened the colonel after they crashed landed on his Terra, destroying one of his garages. The storm hawks just about die when she did raise a hand to him, and it was met with automatic confusion when the both of them started laughing, and they heard him go ‘It’s no surprise these fools are in cahoots with you- You’re lucky it was a very cheap garage...’ She wound up paying for the damages out of her own pocket anyway. There was also several occasions where the storm hawks put the Colonels trust in Nova, as an artist, on the line. Each time she showed severe annoyance and disappointment with the storm hawks for doing so. Going as far as to giving stork the silent treatment until his unfinished commission was fixed. It wasn’t because she was mad at him, but she didn’t want to hurt him with her words since she was pretty steamed. However he learned quickly not to get on her bad side, or in the way of her art passion purely by example. The colonel likes to push her conditions with her art, especially the more time sensitive ones. She has to haggle with him for hours on end to get something decent. He does it mostly to mess with her. Every so often he’ll give her and stork a request. Stork only obliges because he cares for Nova, and doesn’t want her blood all over the Condor’s deck. Stork can and will complain about how the colonel stole his ship, which was a turn on for Nova because she enjoys watching stork go revenge crazy, and love’s his love for the condor. She also got to hear about how Stork pretty much threatened him with an inch of his life after the Colonel lost Nova to the Murk Raiders over an art piece she created. And due to her owing the Colonel an unfathomable debt, she had to oblige.

Arygyn- poor, poor, naive Nova. She spent a good chunk of her vacation with the others chasing down a majestic bird. She just had the unforseen urge to draw it in her book. The bird went from guiding her further away from the condor, to nuzzling up to her for head Pat's. Nova, thinking stork would let her keep it, brought it back to the ship. When she did, she made sure to announce a small meeting on the main deck, and the storm hawks all had to hold back laughter at her pure moment of innocence. She was so happy about finding this bird and was going the whole nine yards about keeping the 'magnificent bird' she found, and how it took such a liking to her. No one had the heart to tell her it was Arygyn in disguise. He pretty much spent the day pestering her, stealing her pencils, and hiding her socks to try and get her to change her mind about keeping him as a pet. Didn't work. The thing about Nova is she's very much a 'I just need something to do 24/7'. Her line was drawn when Arygyn spilled paint on her drawings, ruining them. At that point she lost her nerve and started chasing him around, more or less trying to end his life. Thankfully Aerrow intervened, and Arygyn transformed. Much to Nova's awe. Even then she still got a good, smack to the back of his head. Since then their relationship is a bit of a curve ball. Arygyn enjoys her mischievous side, and secretly adores her and storks lil romance like it's a soap opera. Her on the other hand, half wants to strangle him, and half wants to follow him around and know what he does. In the end Arygyn discovers how much of an Anchor she is for the storm hawks, and everyone who comes across her path, and it thinking about knighting her as a Prophet. Even though he doesn't fully believe in the whole prophet thing like his fellow counterparts.

The Murk Raiders- Once she was bargained over to be a maid/slave for the murk raiders it became Stork’s number 1 priority to try and save her on his own, since Junko was allergic and he didn't trust the others to go in quietly. His dark loves life was on the line. Stork went as far as to threaten the Colonel for the murk raider's Current location and a ride that would withstand the deeps. No one but Stork and the colonel know about that scenario. Whilst Stork was planning literally all of the murk raiders deaths, Nova was running around enjoying herself because for some unholy reason she makes friends with anyone not acquainted with Cyclonians. I.E she Charmed her way into a special place in Captain Scabulous’ heart. She was more than happy to join the Pirate life in the deeps, and temporarily forgot about the storm hawks, and claimed to have made one of her favorite pieces yet aboard their ship. And then stork came wrecking through hordes of raiders and just about maimed the Captain. If it wasn’t for Nova’s love for him, she’d have killed him herself. Very quickly The murk Raiders became biggest client #2 and they returned Nova to the colonel who was acting suspiciously generous and kind to Nova on her return. The only hint she had of why he was acting so not hostile, was storks low growls from behind. Needless to say stork was given major bonus points for breaking out of his shell that day.

The Raptors- The hunter has become the hunted. And what kind of person would Nova be if she didn’t let stork tag along with her on her personal mission to get back at them for hurting the condor. Nova may have talked stork into hating them again after they blew up his beloved ship. Mostly because in her eyes, it's an eye for an eye, unless the culprit changes their perspective. Repton hates Nova with a burning passion ever since she allowed herself to be captured and gave the storm hawks their location. Via by wearing a tracking crystal and stork having to break her out of 'pre-dinner' jail. His other problem is Spitz has a 'thing' for her, and she uses that to her full advantage. Much to Stork's jealousy. It even came down once to Spitz fighting Stork over Nova, saying that repton promised she could be his girlfriend if he defeats, and or kills, Stork. And by the way, the whole storm hawks squad saw this go down and they teased stork endlessly. Including Nova, who was the reason stork won so easily in the first place by, in a completely silly manner, "distracting" Splitz.

Snipe- Ever since the fall of Cyclonia, the three power houses of master Cyclonis' hunch men had split up to cause even more trouble than before. The goals might have changed, but the hatred is still the same. Snipe is the less successful if the three, with all his failed mechanisms and plans always going astray. He's not as fearful of Nova, meanwhile she just enjoys the fact he always underestimates her. Thinking he has her cornered. The more encounters these two have, the more he realizes she's just as dangerous as the others, and now makes a point to have her "beaten to a pulp". His biggest obstacle of getting to do that is Stork.

Ravess- even though Nova is a fan of her music, she can't stand this women. Once Ravess realizes her violins start to go missing, chances are she'll figure out it's Nova who's behind the act. Nova has an unwavering urge to take Ravess' instruments and turning them into her personal art pieces. Grant it, she's only done it a couple times, out of being petty, it still urks Ravess. Beyond that Nova doesn't mess with her for fear of being plucked out of the sky.

Dark Ace- A little background story so I don't loose anyone. Dark Ace was never killed. He was ported away to the other side of Atmos. Cyclonis' wanted the higher ground, and an army of nightcrawlers on her side. He was sent to go look for the condor while the storm hawks fought on as an attempt to escape. If she was to go down, she wanted them stuck there, and perish. The enevible happened regardless, and Piper was the one to defeat Cyclonis. But not on purpose. The building they were in was falling around them, collapsing. Master Cyclonis was badly injured by a pillar and Piper went to help her, but Cyclonis refused, and had a last ditch effort to kill Piper. It backfired and rebounded off Piper and bounced back at Cyclonis as the walls caved in. Dark Ace saw in the distance the destruction, and abandoned his mission to find Master Cyclonis dead. It then became a revenge filled agenda. Especially now that he has an infinite amount of energy given to him by Cyclonis. Dark ace takes advantage of Nova and Storks relationship with each other and makes sure they stay sperated as long as possible. Their biggest weak point is the desire to know they're both safe, and sometimes that causes them to make I'll decisions. Dark Ace's mistake was actually injuring stork to almost death, and allowing Nova to watch. It sent her over the edge. This is where she developed her very first Weapon Technique she calls, Energy slicer. She fought Dark Ace until she couldn't stand, and even still stood between him and stork. Thankfully the others arrived and dark ace spent enough of his new found power, to force him to retreat. And with two badly injured friends Aerrow had no choice but to let him go. Nova will never forgive Dark Ace and after that Incident she becomes slightly more strict on missions, and it usually takes both Piper and Stork to get her to make the right decisions. Nova now has zero problems purposefully getting in Dark Ace's way. In fact, she's now hunting him down.

[innerclouds]

Questions to really go deep

1. Do you have more friends or acquaintances? No.

2. What emotion are you most afraid of feeling/ displaying? Depends on who’s company I’m keeping.

3. Have you ever experienced a “glitch in the matrix” moment? Deja vu? Constantly. Probably just signs of a stroke coming down the line.

4. Favorite term you discovered on Urban dictionary. I don't browse it so none?

5. What’s a subject you could talk about for hours? Politics.

6. What’s the difference between a type and a preference? I am not getting into this, this is a trap question.

7. What secretly scares you about society? I'd say but I'd be labeled for "wrong think" on this platform. Not that I haven't been already.

8. How bad is your FOMO? What is a FOMO?

9. What’s your spirit animal? Depends on the quiz thing I've taken, it's always different.

10. How well do you perform in school? About average.

11. What are your good habits? What are your bad habits? Washing hands. Biting nails.

12. What personal trait are you most proud of? I can doodle gud I guess.

13. What does your driving say about you? Paranoid.

14. What do you think is the weirdest/ creepiest societal norm? Man that's a long list. Again, it would get me labeled for "wrong think".

15. Favorite sound effect? None.

16. You have the power to divide the world by 2 to 4 groups of people, how do you divide them? With a battle axe.

17. What popular saying or quote pisses you have? The heck is a quote piss?

18. Are you cooperative or a contrarian? Yes.

19. Something a lot of people like that you HATE. Again, I probably shouldn't say.

20. There’s a website that rates and reviews your performance as a lover. What would the reviews for you say? 10/10.

21. What was “the incident” that happened at your high school or college? Which one? There were a lot of those.

22. Has there been a time where you wanted to speak up about something but held your tongue anyways? Gee I dunno.

23. A big risk you took that paid off. Short list.

24. A big risk you took that did not work out. Long list.

25. What’s your favorite historical event to research? Black plague. Actually did something for that as a subject for school once, it was entertaining.

26. How do you work your way into someone’s heart? Rib cage with a bone saw.

27. What food combinations do you enjoy that other people find weird? Not sure.

28. Have you ever had an encounter with law enforcement? How’d it turn out? With a rent-a-cop. About as well as you’d expect.

29. What book made you appreciate reading? All of them.

30. Are you toxic? Are you afraid to admit it? Oh no, I am absolutely toxic and I own it. Some say I'm hitler 2.0 because *gasp* I have differing opinions and tend to rely on facts and evidence. The horror!

31. Dumbest thing you’ve done in a foreign country? Haven't been in any of those. Unless Utah counts, in which, I went to Utah counts as dumbest thing.

32. What do you think is an unfair double standard between men and women? This is another trap question, especially with how it's worded, that I refuse to get into because it'll take hours and I simply cannot be arsed.

33. What’s your personal heaven? Full of eggrolls.

34. What is something that everyone should experience in their lifetime? Conflict.

35. How often do you change your mind on something you thought you were concrete on? Not often, but if you present solid evidence it will help sway me.

36. Is it easier for you to love or hate? What do you think this says about you? I'm an emotional sponge so both. Probably says a lot.

37. You have doubts about the person you’re romantically involved with, how does this get resolved? Don't have any doubts but if I did I would expect by talking it out.

38. Has there been a time where you thought you were helping someone but were actually enabling their worst habits? Possibly.

39. “Charlie” is short for “Charles” but both have the same amount of letters. What are your thoughts? I don't care.

40. To the person you’re asking these questions to: what is the best and worst things about them? Them being them is the best thing about them. Need more days off, heh.

41. Do you surround yourself with people that bring the best or worst out of you? The former.

42. What will inevitably lead to human extinction? Humans themselves, unfortunately it's taking far too long.

43. Is it better for someone to have a wide range of superficial knowledge or deep knowledge about a few things? Yes.

44. What if there were no professionals in any given subject, but everyone knew a little bit about everything? Okay?

45. How can we judge ourselves by our intentions yet judge others by their actions? This can lead to very murky waters and I'm starting to wonder if the OP has a personal slant on these questions, as far as I'm concerned actions speak and intentions are just intentions until they are actions.

46. Can we ever believe someone when they say their intentions are different from their actions? So that basically confirms it. Thanks for playing.

47. What if you could tell if someone’s intentions were truly transparent upon first meeting them? OP, stop it.

48. What is the biggest waste of human potential? That is an extremely long list, but somewhere around the top five? I'd say social media.

49. Would things get better or worse if humans focused on what was going well rather than what’s going wrong? Maybe, maybe not.

50. What benefits does art provide society? Does art hurt society in any way? Art will always benefit society and no, art does not hurt it at all.

51. When did you screw everything up, but no one ever found out it was you? Can't recall doing any of that.

52. How sneaky were you when you were younger? Or was it something recent that you messed up and got away with? See above.

53. What would you name your boat if you had one? Leaky.

54. What’s the worst commercial you’ve recently seen? Why is it so bad? The gillette commercial, you know the one, for obvious reasons.

55. What’s the closest thing to real magic? Love.

56. What is the craziest thing one of your teachers has done? Halloween, dressed as an escaped crazy person with actual chains, dragging them down the halls and scaring the crap out of anyone unfortunate enough to cross his path.

57. On a scale of 1-10, how strict are/were your parents? 7.

58. Who was your worst teacher? Why? Don't recall.

59. Who was your favorite teacher? Why? Either PE teacher and another down the line. They both understood.

60. Which would you pick: being world-class attractive, a genius or famous for doing something great? None of the above, fame is overrated.

61. What paper that you’ve written are you most proud of? See school subject on the black plague.

62. What would you do if you were invisible for a day? You mean I've not been invisible my entire life?

63. What actions in your life will have the longest reaching consequences? Rather not mention.

64. You’re the first human to interact with an alien and it’s non-hostile. What do you do? Too shy and quiet to make a proper first contact, probably doom our species to abrupt extinction as a result due to a misunderstanding.

65. Are you afraid? Who isn't?

66. To the person you’re asking these questions to: date, marry or kill? First two.

67. To the person you’re asking these questions to: where did you meet them? Next to a campfire outside a snowy tavern in the woods.

68. Can you describe your first high experience? Confusing.

69. Nice Wat?

70. Can you describe your worst drunk experience? Never again.

71. Post the 17th picture from your gallery. What gallery?

72. What was your favorite place you’ve been employed? What was your least favorite? None. Theater.

73. Do you value charm or intelligence more? Big meaty brains.

74. What worries you most about your mistakes? All of it.

75. What personal prisons have you built out of fears? Yes.

76. What is the most important thing you could do right now in your personal life? Long list.

77. If you could ask one person, alive or dead, only one question, who would you ask and what would you ask? I wouldn't ask anything.

78. What is your number one goal for the next six months? Improve.

79. If happiness was the national currency, what kind of work would make you rich? Shitposting.

80. Who or what do you think of when you think of love? Bae.

81. When you help someone do you ever think, “What’s in it for me?” No.

82. What’s the difference between settling for things and accepting the way things are? Virtually none.

83. How many of your friends would you trust with your life? One.

84. Is it better to have loved and lost or to have never loved at all? Depends.

85. Who do you dream about? Naked butlers.

86. What has been the most terrifying moment of your life thus far? Near car accident.

87. Are ghost or aliens real? In a manner, probably. Most likely.

88. Have you ever broken a bone? No.

89. What’s something you’re embarrassed to admit to try? Vegan meals.

90. Is your nationality a part of your identity? No.

91. Do you find your eye color unique? It can be.

92. Is there a song you enjoy from a genre that you don’t listen to? Multiple.

93. What is your sexuality? Triggering to some.

94. Is the person you’re asking these questions to an introvert, extrovert or an ambivert? Former.

95. What’s the sweetest thing you’ve done for someone? Roses.

96. What’s the worst thing you’ve done to someone? Something I can never forgive myself of.

97. When was the last time you’ve felt jealous? Why? Been a while.

98. Do you still think about your first love? No.

99. Would you want to live in the country you want to go on vacation to the most? Yes and no, they need to clean up their problems first.

[miraculouscontent]

I loved your rewrite of Frozer

Presuming that I still have only the Season 2 episode to work with for both characters, I’d pick “Troublemaker” for Luka. Marinette would invite him along (she’d ask Jagged if that was okay) so the episode can play off the fact that they’re both into Jagged Stone.

The episode is also a chance for Luka to show more personality, because just think of how horrified he would be when the camera crew starts invading Marinette’s privacy? Tikki did the exact opposite of helping when Mariette was reacting to the situation while Luka would validate Marinette’s feelings like he did in “Frozer”.

The episode would also let Luka see up-close and personal how much Jagged admires Marinette and how much Marinette has done for him and Luka’s just oh my god i’m in love.

It shows more balance that way. Luka is more explicitly stated to get something out of their relationship (it was clear to me personally–I’m admittedly biased so maybe I’m seeing things that aren’t there–but it would be verbally established here) because he loves how Marinette affects the people around her and how hard she works (��Reflekta” with how Marinette tried to get Juleka in the photo and both “Pixelator” and “Guitar Villain” with the things Marinette made for Jagged).

Marinette supports those around her and Luka supports Marinette. Luka finds it exciting to have someone energetic who’s not all about chaos and it brings light into his life. He has his head on so straight that he doesn’t often need someone to comfort him (Marinette would try though if the opportunity arose), so he finds friendship and love in people who are kind and giving but simultaneously unlike himself.

Also possible that Luka would’ve followed Jagged upstairs to make sure Jagged doesn’t lose his way (four people trying to clean up the mess would’ve been a bit much), so that contrived thing about the camera crew seeing Marinette’s Adrien wall wouldn’t have happened (Jagged might’ve seen, but Luka wouldn’t have let the camera crew into Marinette’s room).

By the end of the episode, Luka would be walking Marinette to school where they see Adrien. Depending on how the episode went (specifically whether the Adrien wall got shown on live TV), Adrien may approach Marinette about the photos or just say that he enjoyed the show and was sad that it got interrupted by an akuma.

Luka’s opinion on Adrien is hard to gauge. He’s very kind and pleasant to Adrien like in “Captain Hardrock”, but Luka also sees that Adrien doesn’t even react to Marinette’s freak-outs and is giving her mixed signals.

He does like Adrien, but loves Marinette more. This gives more intrigue to “Frozer” (implying that he’d be more aware of who could’ve made Marinette upset with his “whoever made you feel this way is nothin’ but a–[guitar noises]”.

Luka knows that Adrien’s just really dense so he can’t fault Adrien for it, but he wishes Adrien was less oblivious because he sees how it hurts Marinette.

Kagami was a lot more difficult. Most episodes I’d considered were plots that Marinette already had dibs on and I was not going to touch those. Lukanette is easy-peasy because Marinette is the main-est character and thus doesn’t have to be shunted at all to make room for Luka.

In the end, I decided to go for “Frightningale” (I thought about “Gorizilla” which is right up Kagami’s alley but that seems rather controversial).

Basically, Adrien and Kagami are acquaintances and Adrien’s stressed out about having to play Chat. Kagami thinks he’s being overly dramatic but decides to come along with him.

Adrien (not wearing his suit yet) and Kagami have some light conversation, casually talking as everyone lines up to audition.

Adrien gets called away to put on his suit and Kagami sees Clara tripping.

And simultaneously sees Marinette helping her. Kagami hears Clara exclaim Marinette’s name and remembers Adrien talking about her. She sees Marinette being such a good person, even not agreeing to be Ladybug so she can spend time with her friends.

Marinette also sees Kagami and greets her since she’s free to move around due to having a role in the video. They have a brief conversation and Kagami finds Marinette pleasant, but a bit too cheery

Though she also notes that Marinette is as Adrien said she was.

Cut to Chloe entering and trying to act like she deserves the role. Marinette still steps up, saying that she wants to be Ladybug, though Kagami steps in before Clara can start fangirling.

Kagami completely shows up Chloe, having trained and rhythmic athletic skills that Chloe doesn’t. Clara is impressed (with Adrien having been staring at Kagami in stunned silence), but Kagami states that she’s not actually interested in being Ladybug; she just wanted to show Chloe her place.

Chloe storms off, face red with anger.

Kagami walks off the stage, but thinks to herself that she was impressed by Marinette’s firmness in the situation. Kagami presumes that Marinette did it for Adrien’s sake (since Chloe was hanging off of him) but either way, she’s pleasantly surprised.

Cut to Frightningale’s appearance. Adrien finds Kagami somewhere behind Frightningale and Kagami tells him that she’s waiting for the right moment to strike in case Ladybug and Chat don’t arrive. Adren thinks she’s crazy and drags her off into the dressing room, telling her to stay while he–

Kagami cuts him as he’s trying to figure out an excuse to leave her. She feels insulted, saying that she can take care of herself and that she’s not afraid of Frightningale.

Adrien’s rather attracted, but when Kagami tries to leave the room, he grabs her hands and is firm. He says that he knows Kagami is strong and that he thinks it’s so cool that Kagami is ready to fight off a freaking akuma, but he also cares about her and wants her to trust him by at least waitiing to see what Ladybug and Chat can do before charging in to fight someone who has superpowers.

Kagami didn’t expect this. Adrien not only acknowledges how good she is, but he cares about her? He broke his usual “squishy” personality to be strict with her?

Finally, Kagami relents and accepts those terms. Adrien promises to be back and promptly rushes out the door.

Kagami is seen idly touching where Adrien had grabbed her hands.

By the end of the episode, Kagami and Adrien end up dancing in the music video together. The dynamic between Kagami and Adrien is more specifically that Kagami helps Adrien want to be less of a pushover/doormat and Adrien helps Kagami loosen up while with others (Kagami admits that her fun hobbies were always spent alone, like ice skating–foreshadowing “Frozer”–and that she appreciates being with someone else to have fun).

[penumbra-rp]

Congratulations Charlie, you have been accepted for the role of Marlene McKinnon!

The bathroom smelled like bleach for days and she looked like a fucking mess, but she’d never liked her own reflection more...  She became as loud and bold as she’d always wished to be, fierce, not afraid to say what she wanted to say, consequences be damned.

Admin Becky: Behold, the daring, reckless, vodka aunt of the Order of the Phoenix -- be still my beating heart! There are a hundred and one things I love about Marlene, but in particular I adore just how aware she is of all that she’s done for herself. She’s shed the previous pressures from her parents, stuck her middle finger up at society, and built a life that she’s proud to call her own. Giving back to her found-family that is the Order by providing them with a refuge, a safe space, a haven, tips a delicious balance between being a rebellious bad girl and a full-of-heart guardian angel. That short-tempered sharpness mixed with such caring selflessness makes me super excited to see how she interacts with our other characters!

Please check out our checklist for joining Penumbra.

01. Out of Character

NAME: Charlie

AGE: 22

YOUR BIRTHDAY: August 2nd

PRONOUNS: she/her

TIMEZONE: GMT

02. In Character

CHARACTER: Marlene McKinnon

CHARACTER’S PRONOUNS: she/her

FACECLAIM: Sofia Boutella

CHARACTER’S BIRTHDAY: April 2nd

PERSONALITY:

independent: (+) If the last years have proven anything, it’s how much Marlene values her independence. How much she’s willing to do to keep it. The years as parents picture-perfect daughter, a porcelain doll really that was always supposed to function without any mistakes, the years where she didn’t have any control of her own life whatsoever - at least if she didn’t want to be a huge disappointment, didn’t want to see their love for her slowly fading away - have left their scars. Now that she has it, she defends her independence with claws and fangs metaphorically speaking. It shows daily in her dedication and hard work in the Leaky Bucket.

caring: (+)  Even though it doesn’t always seem like it judging from her sharp-tongue most people get a taste from, Marlene is actually quite empathetic and cares a lot. With no regard for time, place and circumstances, she’ll always offer a shoulder to cry on, will always try to make sure that the people she cares feel good. To be perfectly honest, she probably doesn’t care half as much about her own well-being than about that of other people. That isn’t limited to just her friends either but includes new acquaintances and often complete strangers as well. As long as you don’t get on her bad side, she’ll always try to be there for you and care about you and your problems.

direct: (+)While she’s been taught that diplomacy is one of the most valuable abilities when dealing with others, Marlene has always preferred to be open and honest with everybody she interacts with. She isn’t exactly a fan of beating around the bush. In fact, in 9 out of 10 cases you can be dead sure that she’ll tell you the truth without mincing her words, no matter how hard, ugly and painful it might be. The truth can hurt, in her opinion, you better suck it up and learn to deal with it. No matter if she’s seen as impolite, tactless, rude or downright mean because of it, she’ll tell you just the way it is, nonetheless. That’s something that can be hard to deal with, but at least you can always rely on her telling you straight up to your face when you’re doing something stupid.

short-tempered: (-)  Patience has never been her strong suit, even though she was told that it was the most important character trait for a proper young girl (after docility, obviously). And it’s gotten worse over the years. It takes very little to get under Marlene’s skin and even less for her to blow up and throw a temper tantrum. Even when these outbursts are over as quickly as they come, they’re not the most fun thing to witness, to say the least.

self-destructive: (-)  On some subconscious level, Marlene loves fucking things up for herself. Whenever something good happens in her life, one can be pretty sure that sooner or later she’ll find a way to fuck it up and ruin it. A part of it can most likely be blamed on bright-burning desire to stay as independent and free as possible, something she protects fiercely. But most of it is probably due to the fact that a part of her is afraid that sooner or later they’ll all turn into her parents. If she gives them too much power over her, they’ll start wanting to change her, form her into what they want her to be and if she doesn’t stay proactive, maybe she’ll one day wake up and have lost herself again. Even outside of relationships, however, she doesn’t have the healthiest way to treat herself. Every now and then there are periods when she gets out of control and turns into more of a drinking, smoking, swearing and fucking around mess that she usually already is. Almost as if she feels she still needs to prove a point, as if she still needs to make up for the years she wasted trying to somehow live up to the impossibly high expectations her parents had for her. Or maybe she’s actually just punishing herself for never having managed that in the first place.

unforgiving: (-)  As easily as her affection and loyalty are given, once you’ve fucked it up, there’s no turning back. It’ll take a lot to truly make her reconsider your friendship once she calls you a close friend, but if you cross that line, she’ll drop you like a hot potato and won’t ever take you back, no matter how much you plead and beg. Life is already messed up enough without backstabbing people you can’t trust in your life and she won’t waste a single second on them.

BRIEF BULLET POINT BIO:

Marlene grew up as an only child, much to her own dismay. After all, the fact that she was the sole child meant that she was the only person her parents’ attention was focused on, the only one supposed to live up to the big expectations they had for their offspring. Sure, it was generally nice to be the center of attention, the one all the devotion and gifts could go to. After all, who doesn’t like to not having to share the spotlight? However, she’d have given it up in a heartbeat if that meant to not have to suffer through the pressure her parents put on her alone, to have somebody to have her back and help each other get through it. Quite frankly, she wouldn’t have cared about the age or gender of her sibling, just somebody to stand by her side and help her share the pressure.

Despite their current abundance of wealth, the McKinnons are ‘new-money’, have risen to the high society within the last two generations and that stuck Her parents never allowed her to forget that they’re still newcomers to some extent and that they have to try even harder to be perfect, to fit in with the upper society as well as possible, than those families who’ve been a part of it for centuries.

Even before she took her first breath, her parents already had her life planned out for her. She was supposed to be their perfect little girl, beautiful like a porcelain doll and just as quiet and obedient. They had big plans for her, she’d be the perfect example of how they’ve truly found their place in the high society. So she had a pretty strict schedule from a very young age on involving various activities and lessons her parents deemed necessary for a young girl of her status. Among those activities were lessons in Mandarin, learning how to play the piano as well as the violin, horse riding and lessons on etiquette as well as on politics and history later on. Nothing too complicated, though. After all, she should make proper conversation on various social events with that knowledge and not become a professor at college. Of course, anything but outstanding success in those lessons (and behavior, really) wasn’t permitted. Even years later Marlene can still recall the disappointed look in her parents eyes when she didn’t do something perfectly on the first try, how her mother’s lips became just a tiny bit smaller because she pressed them so firmly together, how the fine wrinkle between her father’s eyebrows, that should get even more prominent with the passing years, deepened just a little bit before they both demanded she tried again and this time did it well. And it was not like Marlene didn’t try to be as perfect as they wanted her to be. Quite the opposite, really. For years, she desperately gave her all to finally live up to their high expectations, but it was never enough. Even if she did manage to do something perfectly at the first try, there was still something else she was lacking. No matter what she did it never seemed to be good enough to please them. To fully earn their affection without a ‘but next time you’ll do better’ lying underneath it. The pressure she felt throughout her whole childhood was immense, unbearable really, and yet she persisted. Desperate for their approval and love, she continued to give at least 200% each day hoping that one day it’d be enough. It never was and the pressure continued to grow and Marlene continued to try harder.

Until she didn’t anymore. Nowadays, she can’t quite recall what the final straw was, what finally pushed her off the edge and made her stop trying to hard to be what they wanted her to be and instead try a little harder to be herself. Maybe it was the beginning of puberty hitting in, but she likes to believe that it started sooner, that she didn’t tolerate their bullying for that long. And in some ways, she truly didn’t. Even as a young girl of barely nine years, trying to be the best of her class, she showed small signs of defiance even if it was just being louder and bolder than her parents would like or spending time with people they didn’t approve of. It wasn’t much, but it was something. Still, it was nowhere near enough to relieve even some of that pressure. When puberty hit in at roundabout twelve years, she started breaking free for real. Did her best to distance herself from the image her parents created, the role they tried to force her into. It started with exchanging the pristine, proper tights her parents bought for her with fishnets that were ripped open pretty soon to add to the punk rebel-look she was now going for. Then she didn’t only cut her hair short on her own - which for itself already wasn’t exactly a piece of art - but also gave herself red highlights. The bathroom smelled like bleach for days and she looked like a fucking mess, but she’d never liked her own reflection more. Her parents, of course, were completely shocked, to say the least. To be perfectly honest, a part of her was sure that her mom would have a heart attack when she saw her new hair for the first time, but instead, she pulled through and just gave her a long and exhausting harangue about how Marlene was basically ruining their lives by being such a huge disappointment. Something that only encouraged her to stray away from what they wanted her to be even more. She became as loud and bold as she’d always wished to be, fierce, not afraid to say what she wanted to say, consequences be damned. For the first two weeks, fights and arguments happened on a daily basis in their family home, then her parents cut her off completely emotionally and didn’t talk to her apart from criticizing her passive-aggressively and what needed to be said when you live in one house together. It was tough, more than tough, there were countless times where Marlene wanted to give in, give up her strive to become her own person, but that was where her stubbornness came in and so she pulled through. Despite all the changes in personality and personal fashion, she still didn’t completely forgo her studies. Sure, she didn’t try half as much as before anymore, but that was still more than enough for a very good school diploma.

With her school diploma in hand, she signed up at Hogwarts University to study law. To be honest, it was the last thing she wanted, but after years of emotional distance and passive-aggressive warfare really, a part of her was desperately yearning to be closer to her parents again. And maybe, if she made that peace offer, they could be a family again without her having to give up her whole personality. As anybody but her probably could have said in advance, it was a stupid idea. The naive dream of a desperate, young girl who felt like she was all alone in the world with her parents barely talking to her. She’d learn the mistake of her ways pretty soon after only a few months of studying.

In the end, she dropped out of school and with that, completely lost her parents’ financial supports. The next years were tough, she worked a bunch of jobs - sometimes multiple at the same time - to hold herself over water and build a life for herself. Most jobs were a complete waste of time and so she seldom stayed long anywhere. What the days lacked in excitement and fun, she made up for with long nights out filled with drinks, hook-ups, and smokes. Desperately trying to find some purpose in life even if she’d never admit that out loud,

The Order of the Phoenix was the first thing to save her from this meaningless life. It was a wake-up call, really, something to give her life meaning again. However, her truel savior was something entirely different. When she saw the building, that had been half-burnt to a crisp during an electrical fire and was later going to become the Leaky Bucket, it was love at first sight, really, even though, objectively speaking, there was nothing much anybody could have loved. As silly as it sounds, though, (and Marlene is perfectly aware of how utterly ridiculous it sounds), there was simply this connection. She just knew she could turn it into something great. And she did. With a shit load of borrowed money, hard work (at least that she knew how to do after her strenuous childhood) and passion as well as some time, she managed to turn this ruin of a building into a great, popular pub and so much more. A safe haven where everybody could feel accepted for who they truly are without having to hide their true nature or pretend to be somebody entirely different. The sort of place she’s been craving all her life.

INTERVIEW:

i. How do you feel about your current occupation?

The question conjures the hint of a smirk onto her lips. “What’s there not to love?”, Marlene retorts, one eyebrow slightly arched up, “being your own boss means you get to do whatever the hell you want to.” Buying the Leaky Bucket is one of the best decisions she’s ever made and even though it cost her a shit load of money she had to borrow (money she still hasn’t been able to fully pay back), even though there are days where she wants to go back to bed again only a few hours after getting up because of exhausting the day already has been, she can’t imagine herself doing anything else. Can’t imagine ever not being her own boss again. She’s never particularly enjoyed following orders - not to mention stupid ones and from the few jobs, she worked to earn the money for the Bucket, she can tell that there are plenty of idiotic bosses out there with even more idiotic orders - and now that she’s had a taste of what it means having complete freedom over your life, not have to listen to anybody, she won’t ever go back to being employed.

ii. What song would you say describes yourself?

“My complex personality can’t possibly be described with one song.” Oh, she’s well aware of how arrogant it sounds, but there’s nothing she can do about it, it’s only true, after all. And to be perfectly honest, it isn’t even meant to flatter herself. If anybody knows how many fucked up sides her personality has, it’d be herself. “I think ‘She’s Thunderstorms’ from the Arctic Monkeys is a good fit. It strongly depends on my mood, though, so my response might be completely different tomorrow.”

iii. Does reputation matter to you?

“Do I look like it does?” It’s a rhetorical question really, the ripped fishnets who’ve seen better days, the tousled hair that looked like it either hadn’t been combed in days or she’d just had sex, the days-old eyeliner, a too big flannel shirt tied around her hips. It’s not the look of somebody who cares what you think about her, not the one you’d expect from somebody of her upbringing. There used to be a time where she thought her reputation mattered to her only to realize it was her parents’ approval and love that truly mattered to her. It doesn’t anymore, though, hasn’t had for years. It doesn’t matter what we’re talking about, be it clothes, relationships, language, behavior - Marlene McKinnon does as she pleases and if anybody else has a problem with that, they can fuck off.

iv. What is your relationship with your parents like?

“What relationship?”, she responds dryly letting out a scornful snort. “How can you have a relationship with somebody if you haven’t talked to them in years?” That probably says all anybody ever needs to know about her ‘relationship’ with the people who brought her into this world. Calling them parents would already be a too affectionate term for how she feels about them. When she told them she’d drop out of Hogwarts after one year, they told her to either go through with it like somebody worthy of the McKinnon name would or she wouldn’t be their daughter anymore. So she shrugged and simply left. What sense would it have made to argue with them? After all, they’d made it perfectly clear how they expected her to be from a very young age, ever since she took her first breath really. Her own stupidity was to blame for having believed they could see past the expectations they had for her and accept her for who she was. She didn’t even go upstairs to grab the rest of her things that she hadn’t taken with her to her new flat. Fuck them. And fuck her parents. That was the last time she was at the town villa she grew up in, the last words she exchanged with her parents and she doesn’t intend on changing that any time soon or ever really. They’re not her family anymore.

v. What languages can you speak?

“Let me see, I was raised bilingually in French and English. I had to learn Mandarin because as my dear father always liked to say the Chinese are going to rule the world someday if they keep on growing like that”, she rolls her eyes slightly, “Had Latin in school which, of course, I can’t speak because it’s dead and all that crap, but for a while, I was quite good at reading it, actually. I know Spanish, Italian, and Portuguese well enough for a simple conversation, nothing too complicated, though.  But if you know French and Latin, they all just kind of come easy to you.” She shrugs slightly.  “Additionally, my nanny was from Russia so I know my fair share of that. It’s a little rusty, though, just like my Mandarin.”

vi. If your home was on fire and you could only save one item, what would you choose?

“The deed for the Leaky Bucket.” It’s a response she doesn’t even have to think about, no matter if it’s the most unpractical one or not. Material things like her smartphone, clothes or other stuff are all replaceable and the Leaky Bucket is the most important thing in her life, her second home, her purpose really. There’s nothing she cares about as much as she cares about that building she built up to the popular pub it is now after seeing the half-burnt building and falling in love with it at the first sight.

vii. Which Hogwarts University faculty did you study at? The Gryffindor School of Applied Science, the Ravenclaw School of Humanities, the Slytherin School of Social Science, or the Hufflepuff School of Art?

“Slytherin School of Social Science”, she says and grimaces slightly at the memory. One fucking year of her life wasted there on studying law. In retrospect, she has no idea why she even thought it was worth her time. Why after all these years she still tried to make her parents happy. Because it was only for them that she’d even considered it, not only to mention go through with it. After a complicated youth during which she argued with them on a daily basis, did her best to distance herself from the doll they wanted her to be and ensure that they understood that she’d never be that girl, she thought that there might still be hope for them to grow closer to them. So she did what she knew they’d always planned for her to do, expected of her really: study law at the Slytherin School of Social Science at Hogwarts. She hated it from the very first day. Never before had she done something more boring and terribly annoying. And yet, she pulled through for a whole year. Not that even the fact that she did it despite being obviously miserable was enough to satisfy her parents. No, all they could talk about was how it was absolutely unacceptable that she wasn’t at the top of her class, that she wasn’t passing every exam with flying colors. The moment they told her on Christmas morning that if she finally wrote an exam where she got all the points was the day they’d be proud of her, it was the final straw. The moment she truly realized that they’d never accept her for who she was,

vix. What is your social media username?

“Let’s be honest, I change my instagram handle almost as often as my underwear.” It sounds like an exaggeration, but it’s true. She changes it at least weekly, if not multiple times a week. It’s not always a completely new handle, though, she often reuses names she’s already used in the past, but so far none has been good enough to stick. Or maybe it’s just the fact that “Right now, it’s ragefulthinking, though.”

also, have a little pinterest board for her here (x)