#i actually had a coworker talk to me abt it tho saying how much he agreed

[wooahaes]

skz versions PLEASE

while im waiting for pasta sauce to thicken up a lil...

my immediate thought for 'older brothers best friend' is aussie bros being actual (adopted) aussie bros. reader is chris's best friend and felix is in love with them but has 0 idea how to talk abt it. where like... the seokmin-chan dynamic was "i'm worried abt how seokmin will respond :(", the chris-felix dynamic is "chris can never find out because he has so much dirt on me and i'll never live"

i like the idea that reader n chris meet in high school and just click together rly well lol and felix starts crushing on them after reader shows up to a swim meet a few years later while felix is a freshman. reader's cheering on chris and felix because they wanna be supportive and reader hugs felix afterward and he's like omg (flustered). he doesn't act on it for a while because he thinks the crush will go away, esp after reader goes abroad for school, and then they come back and felix's crush comes back in full force. all of his friends (the rest of the 00z + jeongin) know the lore by now and have been sworn to silence. there's just some sort of rekindling of things, both have matured a bit, and its kind of a "im getting to know you again and oops we're falling in love" while reader and felix scramble to keep their relationship hidden from chris (bc reader, like felix, also knows how much dirt chris has on them. neither part of this relationship will get to live with chris around)

i like to imagine that eventually it leads to a big fight because i live for the drama in fiction lol where chris finds out and he's hurt because two of the people he loves most have been hiding this from him and he feels horrible because why wouldnt they trust him??? reader calls things off with felix because they feel guilty for hurting him, felix is upset and feels guilty for hurting chris as well, and the three start to avoid one another fully after the fallout. it 100% takes the rest of their friends to trick them all into the same room and being like 'ok work this shit out because ur depressing us.' they work things out, probs w chris admitting he never wanted them to hide their relationship and he def didn't want them to break up as a result, he just wishes they had talked to him, etc. and they work things out and happy ever after :)

sorry u can tell i was thinking abt this while i was cooking sdkfhdsf

fake dating but the guy needs it instead of the reader... hmm..... god, who is the funniest option for fake dating.... my heart says seungmin if im honest because like. he feels like the type who's like "i would never get myself into that situation"

and then he turns around to reader and hes like "i need you to pretend to date me. don't ask questions." and reader (his friend and coworker) is like. uh. my guy, i kind of have to ask questions rn. and seungmin starts telling this long story about how he saw his ex out in public and they're dating someone new and they were kind of a shitty person when they dated and turns out they're still shitty bc they saw the chance to put seungmin down because ohh ur not dating anyone? of course ur not :) and hes like ACTUALLY I AM (pulls up picture of him and reader when they were hanging out) they're hotter than you :) and now he's invited to some party that he knows his ex will be at and he needs reader to go with him. readers like whats in it for me tho other than showing up ur bitchy ex. and seungmins like idk ill cover one of ur shifts.

thats not enough and he ends up promising to take u out for whatever food afterward and covering one of ur shifts as soon as u need it (barring him having any personal emergencies/being physically unable to cover it). reader is 100% the one who kisses seungmin's cheek while at the party...

and probably also the one who yanks seungmin in to make out with him in a bedroom when they hear seungmin's ex wandering around for him. they absolutely pull away and are fine right after its all over. the two probs keep up the fake dating for a while w the PDA becoming more and more common until seungmin just looks up one day and hes like

holy fuck. we're just like... actually dating now arent we.

they r idiots together <3 mwah mwah

[izzy-b-hands]

12, 15, 34, 46?

Ella!! Thank u for asking 🫂🫂❤️❤️

(also apologies i am stoned and wordy aksndkfgn)

12. Your favourite book

I have a few answers for this one, but narrowed it down to the one I'm saving up to buy a new copy of eventually: Last Night at the Lobster by Stewart O'Nan.

It's fairly short, and the story subjects/setting are modern and mundane (or at least that's the critique i see leveled at it a lot, tho to me like. That's part of the punch of the entire book, but they can have their opinions, incorrect tho they may be lol), but like. the first time i read it, it just Did Something to me lmao. Part of it was the customer service experience thing, tho different industries (library at the time for me compared to restaurant in the book), and the experience in it of feeling like/having it confirmed that you, as an employee, are continually being handed more and more stress and responsibility for less reward, but you can't just drop it bc you like/tolerate your coworkers, and even on the days they piss you off, you want the best for them. And then the fallout of when a decision comes down from above your level that's shit for everyone, but you're left bearing the brunt of it from coworkers and customers alike. Very relatable, very realistically written to the point it almost makes you squirm.

The characters are all well written and realistic too; you wind up feeling like you could walk into this Lobster right now and talk to all these ppl irl, easily. That makes it just as hard at the ending to say goodbye tbh, and that's given it massive reread value for me (i think since i first read it end of HS I've since managed a reread every year to every other year. I actually accidentally packed away my copy when moving and it's been killing me not being able to do a reread rn, but i want to wait until i can have my own copy to keep again.)

Anyway i think most libraries should have it, and it's not a horribly expensive ebook, so if ur looking for a sign to read Last Night at the Lobster, this is it 🙌❤️🦞

15. Do you remember your last dream

Kind of? Tbh I passed out really hard earlier (still not sleeping amazingly with the back lol) and vaguely recall the weird, fever dreamish stuff my brain was throwing at me. That consisted of what i believe to be, ongoing all at once in the same room:

-a Tom Waits concert, with him holding but not playing an accordion

-a Bob Geldof interview, except it was Bob as he looked in the 90s

-a fire, which everyone who wasn't listening to Tom or Bob were attempting to put out by passing exactly one bucket back and forth to the inexplicable bar sink that sort of appeared and disappeared at will

Everything else was too much of a blur, but those bits really stuck out lmao 😂

34. Something old

I like this question, weirdly enough, bc I'm not one hundred percent sure how to answer it. It's vague, so i think I'm safe to interpret it kinda.. however?

(if i have that wrong tho do pls lemme know, I won't be offended and will re-answer this one if that's the case lol)

In terms of something old, I keep thinking abt my grandparents old house, even tho it's silly to do so (the thing has been sold for months now.)

Thing of it is, as of the last rare phone convo i had with my grandparents, it sounds like they really regret selling. The lack of stairs at the new place is better for their joints but like. They clearly miss the old one, the unique things that made it theirs and familiar.

Grandpa in particular mentioned a few things specific to the house that he misses, but the one that took me out was abt a bit of painted wood in the front doorway. When i was like. 6? 7? old enough to know better but still stupid enough to do it, i wrote my (dead) name on that bit of doorway, in pencil. For whatever reason, they couldn't ever get it to erase much at all, and never painted over it despite talking abt it a lot (they were soooo pissed at me the day i did it and the months after lmao), so it was still there when they sold the house.

And Grandpa tells me he wishes he would have bought some wood scraps, torn out just that bit of the doorway, and then fixed it and repainted it. Says he would have had someone reframe the whole door if needed. He even has a little shelf where he's been putting grandkid related knick knacks, that he'd put it on, apparently.

Couldn't tell him bc emotions and being that vulnerable are difficult for him, so i never want to push when he's opening up to me like that, but goddamn if he didn't make me cry with that, and i wanted to tell him how sweet it was, and that i miss the house too.

I miss that whenever Housemate and i make it back to visit ND, i won't be able to show aer the house i basically grew up in. I won't be able to show off the shed my grandpa built, say hi to Sally (mum's passed on cat from years ago, buried in the backyard with her name carved by grandpa into the wood barrier between the rock/gravel area and the bottom of the shed), lay in the backyard together under the huge tree while we snack and sip drinks (bc grandma doesn't let anyone leave the house without being fed if she can help it.) I won't get to show that spot by the front door, or show all the other million little quirky things that made the house so lovely.

If i have my way, age of the house and my own age at the time be damned, whenever I've made enough money to do it and have plenty left over, I'd love to buy the house myself. Not to live in all the time (jfc absolutely NOT i love the house but not ND lol), but to have for like. Maybe summer trips? there's enough room we could pick up friends in the area and have them come stay in the house too, tbh. I don't like the idea of it sitting empty whenever i wouldn't be there, so maybe I'd offer it to the cousins rent free to share? Take turns staying there, maybe help grandma and grandpa back to see it now and again. Idk. I just always dreamed of buying the dang thing, even if i never wanted to permanently stay in ND (and still v much do not want that, I like CT far better.)

46. Are you excited for anything

A few things rn! Housemate helped me save up enough and is going with me to see Avatar this month, and it'll be my first full show of theirs, and Housemate's first time seeing them at all!! (my first time seeing them they were just opening for Trivium lmao, so it was amazing!! but a bit of a cut down set list/overall thing, u know? didn't stay for Trivium's entire set but they were lovely too!)

We've also got several little weekend trips partially planned out: Mystic, a local flea market, a couple different beaches, getting up to York and over to Newport, plus maybe the big E and the ren faire in the fall!! I don't know if we'll manage all of it over the next few months, but I'm excited for whatever we get to!

Apologies I'm quite toasty so I'm feeling overwhelming positive for once, so i do have more! I sent a job app in to an OD office in the local costco, for a fairly chill seeming reception role, and I'm really hoping they'll want me. It seems a small enough office to be calmer than my old one, and that it's OD only and not an MD/OD office makes me feel a lot better abt it too (eye surgeons are amazing, they can do amazing wonderful things, i am grateful for them all. however. im also 97% sure 5 out of the 10 i know personally could hit me with their car and not blink, the god complex thing some surgeons have gets SO amped with this speciality in my experience, it's WILD, but I digress.)

My back is slowly getting better too (tho I've been humbled again the last few days in the nights and early mornings, it's still very angry at those times), so I'm also just looking forward to like. Being able to move more again. Standing up to do the dishes without my back spasming. Maybe even leaving the house again and doing one of the fun things noted above, tho i know i shouldn't rush it or my back will humble me again without a second thought lmaoooo 😅)

[obsessed-yan]

𐙚 vent 𐙚

:: tw // belittling, name-calling, bitterness ::

i still havent really fully wrapped my mind around the whole thing to be completely honest. i thought i maybe liked someone else at work (imma call him 🥛), n kinda had the feeling he may have liked me to— HE STRAIGHT UP CANNED ME CUTE ONE DAY LOKE DIRECTLY TO ME IN FRONT OF OTHERS had me thinking "what are we"... he was in management so idrk how well that wlda rlly gone, i still liked to occasionally entertain the thought n daydream tho ofc !

but, there was a rumor going around the workplace he was getting transferred bc he hooked up w n was seeing someone in the dept he was over. i didnt believe it, there was no solid evidence of it (that i was aware of), plus he called me cute that one day so..! also there was a day my supervisor, 🥛, and another member of management was talking (i was eavesdropping ofc), my supervisor n the other manager was being all like "we need to find 🥛 a girlfriend..or boyfriend whatever!" n he didnt say a peep. w our company idk much abt how well manager x peon go (so far w 🥛, seems like not well) so maybe he rlly cldnt say anything idk

but then the day of reckoning came. i thought he was just on vacation cuz i didnt see 🥛 at work for like a fuckin week. my coworker said his replacement was there n i was confused. cuz i nvr heard anything abt him ACTUALLY getting transferred. i was (and still am) sad about it.. not just cuz i may hav kinda liked him but also he nvr said bye to me :(

when i found out for sure who he is seeing. THAT FUCKING PIG U GOTTA BE KIDDING!

im definitely cuter, funnier, better in everyway, i dont know how or why OR WHEN that started. i still don't believe it. she was talking to my supervisor abt 🥛 one day. saying how she'll hav to get him to come in to see her n everyone.

mhm bitch, ill believe that when i fuckin see it.

[cheswirls]

AAAAAAA OK BUT THIS IS SO CUTE???

you are tugging on my heartstrings with the past sabolaw aaaaaaaa to see sabo say that all his love was buried with law was so heartbreaking.

idk if it's the translator i'm using or if i can jus tell this is written in your first language but i think i do like the bahasa indonesian version better jus slightly???? besides a few verb tenses in english i don't think there's too much of a difference to matter tho.

speaking of, i ran by work last night before close and asked a coworker abt the movie basis. i think our consensus was it's too new and still in theaters to be subbed in english and out on the internet but he did know a few friends who watched it at the beginning of the month and said it was good - so it's on my list!!!! i will watch it eventually + thanks for the movie rec (:

that being said i haven't even watched the trailer so i have no idea how much this is like the movie - i'm jus purely going off of the story which is so good. its so good. cannot stress that enough. i am in love w this idea.

i'm glad i did go back and read the original because i wouldn't have picked up that the italics were english words haha. ace being kinda fed up at this point in his career is rly cute. at least it's shanks he's working with and has the support of!!

the fact that he's using his and sabo's actual names tho is so ;u; !!!!!!!!!! idk idk. like obviously i feel its going the direction where the movie will come out or sabo will get hold of the script somehow and put the pieces together either/or and thats how ace "confesses" but at the same time if its a love story i feel like it would need to be complete before ace finished the script and filming starts?? unless its a hopeful original ending, which i can also see being a plot point. obv this is like an intro or starter to a grander idea so my speculating is worth nothing. unless you write more for it which i will be here for absolutely <3

the fact that their friend group only updates w sad news is so ughhhhh i feel it but it pulls at my heart nonetheless. not big news like jobs or weddings or such but sad news like deaths. why. why do this to me. why lawwww waaaaaaaaaaa

"people our age can't fall in love like in the movies, ace" he says, and then 100% eats those words later on hehehehe god but this reminds me than in america, it's very casual for 30s to be considered "old" already which makes my blood boil. every time i catch a 30-something saying they're old i have to counter that out loud (but it always makes them feel better so i'm happy to continue) it's jus sad that people think living a third of their life makes them so ooooooold already when it's not the case. so i really like the premise of this one already w this.

sabo working at a flower shop owned by a friend makes me wonder what he did before law died, when they lived somewhere else. i'm thinking back on the line abt his dreams dying with law and that makes me think maybe he gave up on whatever career he had four months previous. :((( it would be interesting if it also had something to do with the film industry and maybe ace reigniting his passion for work is what leads to him "discovering" the movie plot. or maybe i'm thinking too much on that angle and it's a cute movie ace takes sabo to see once released after they're already in a relationship. like a cute easter egg thing at the end. maybe. idk

deuce and robin as shanks' choice actors is interesting !! i wonder if ace has any deeper connection with either of them, maybe along the lines of friends, or if he jus knows them by name. (actually i wonder if sabo knows either or knows one of the actors that will get a starring role and might tell him about the "new movie" they signed on for and "what it's about" and sabo will connect the dots that way. i'm so obsessed if you can't tell erhghweglwegw)

your writing is so cute and playful too!! i really enjoyed reading it both times. tho it's been so long since the two have talked meaningfully, they seemed to fall back into old habits and routine pretty easily :) i love fluff like that. if you do more you will have my entire heart

acsb jatuh cinta seperti di film-film!au

an english version of acesabo fanfic based on an indonesian movie; jatuh cinta seperti di film-film (literally translated into falling in love like in the movies)

warning: spoilers for jatuh cinta seperti di film-film, past sabolaw, minor character death, grammar mistake as english isn't my first language (but i did try my best!).

you can find the indonesian version [here]

enjoy!

-

all things fell off from ace’s hold onto the floor right after he opened the door to the producer shanks’ working room. a worried voice coming from outside, offering to help picking up his things. 

“it’s fine, i’m good. just a little bit nervous,” ace replied while reaching out to his water bottle and put it in between his left arm. 

after closing the door, ace's eyes wandered around the room that was already familiar to him; a working space with warm yellowish lights with wallpaper-covered walls on the top half and brown wood panels on the bottom half. ace took a deep breath, then moved to face producer shanks who would be his debate opponent for the next few hours. 

"ace, ace," before ace had fully sat down and prepared himself, shanks had already held out three stacks of manuscript towards him. "i'm already thinking, your next work will be a soap opera adaptation again." 

ace frowned, “uh, shanks? didn't you say that this time you wanted to use my original script?" his voice was a little hopeful; hoping that shanks’ words were just a joke. 

the red-haired man before ace folded his arms over his stomach. "that's how it was. but now that i think about it again, you're really good at making film adaptation of soap operas. it's better to just adjust to market tastes than taking risks, ace." 

ace mustered up half his courage as he removed three stacks of adaptation manuscripts to the side. “shanks, i bring my original manuscript. don’t you want to listen to it first?" this time, it was ace who held out a thick stack of a slightly crumpled manuscript with black paper clips struggling to clamp all the papers at the corner. 

shanks took the manuscript that ace offered, flipping through the pages–but ace was sure, shanks didn’t read a thing. one side of shanks’ eyebrow raised as he looked at ace, giving permission to ace to continue speaking. 

"well, shanks. first, before i start, imagine the film was made in black and white–" 

(the dimly-lighted working room lost its color in ace's eyes, tuning into ace’s imagination which was starting to seep out of the crevices of his brain. the interior wallpaper and wood panels were no longer green and brown, but gray.) 

“black and white? our audience doesn’t like it, ace. only 15 minutes into the film, they will come to the staff, ‘is the film broken?’. how come you came up with an idea as if you didn’t know what our audience was like!” shanks immediately closed ace’s manuscript and put it back on the table. 

ace rolled his eyeballs, “there’s a meaning behind it, shanks. i promise. the colors will be back at the half-end! this is romance, romance!” 

shanks' eyes narrowed. “romance?” ace nodded. romance, suitable for the largest target market in this country. it was also easy to ask for promotions from the cinema side. “this isn't an art film, is it? commercial?” ace nodded again at both questions. "okay, try me." looks like shanks were sold a little bit. 

"this film tells the story of a film writer who wants to get his highschool crush by writing his love story into a script–" shanks looked at ace, starting to get interested. ace gave a little pause to escalate shanks' anticipation. “–but his highschool crush just lost his husband.” 

"don’t tell me, this is a sad story? no way. the audience won’t like it. make it a happy ending, man, so we can make a stunt about someone proposing to his crush after the film ends. it will be viral, for sure.” shanks looked up, already imagining what gimmicks and marketing techniques could be used for this film.

“you’ve already thought too far ahead, sir… but, yeah, it will have happy ending. calm down!” ace chimed in. after making sure shanks was convinced, “shall i continue?” 

shanks nodded, allowing ace to resume his story. 

-

sabo met ace again in the supermarket cashier line.

-

“ace? you use your name as your character’s name?” 

“shanks, this is only draft, and, yes. you want to have a personal story as an original story, right?” 

“so, this is based on your personal experience, huh?” shanks grinned widely and ace was ready to continue while holding his smile shyly. “but, anyway. why supermarket, ace? it’s too ordinary. not romantic.” 

"maybe the first meeting seems too ordinary. but if we look deeply, there is sadness in our main character's eyes, sabo."

-

sabo met ace again in the supermarket cashier line.

the last time sabo met ace, as he remembered, was at sabo and law's wedding. after that, sabo's contacts and meetings with his high school friend faded along with their respective busy lives; sabo with his newlywed life after moving to another city and ace focusing on his filming career in the capital city (sabo didn’t know the details). 

at the front end of the line, ace looked confused. sabo vaguely heard from the cashier that ace’s apples hadn’t been weighed. ace turned around while apologizing to the queueing line that was forced to halt because of him.

the corners of sabo's lips lifted slightly, apparently ace's carelessness hadn't changed either. 

ace, who had stepped aside on the side of the queue line while saying sorry, suddenly stopped and met his gaze with sabo’s. the confusion in ace's eyes turned into a warm glow like greeting an old friend. 

“sabo, right?”

there’s an air of certainty edging around ace’s voice in sabo's ears. as if ace knew, he couldn't be wrong, because there were only a few blonde haired people with a big scar on their face.

"hi," sabo greeted back. the confusion that was shown on ace’s face now had shifted to sabo’s, he didn’t know what he should say to an old friend whom he met again in the middle of a waiting line like this. "hurry and weigh those apples, many people are waiting." 

hearing the familiarity in sabo's voice, ace put the apples randomly on the side display case, as if he didn't want to lose any time with sabo. “i'll just cancel the apples, come, you can check your groceries out with mine.”

before sabo had the chance to refuse, ace already brought sabo's shopping basket. leading sabo to the cashier, cutting the line.

“uh, ace–no need to! really–" sabo gave up on taking back his shopping basket because ace had already arrived in front of the cashier. sabo could feel other’s eyes on his back, staring sharply as he cut the line. “so sorry, yes, excuse me..."

he arrived in front of the cashier whose face was already annoyed. sabo could only apologize once again. "please separate the payment, thank you."

again, before sabo could stop him, ace had brought several of sabo's shopping bags. there was only one shopping bag left for sabo to take with him, which only contained vegetables. the lightest bag. sabo sighed, good-ol'-ace just like back then. 

"ace, let's grab some coffee."

at least sabo should give ace something as a gratitude for saving sabo’s precious twenty minutes, on sunday afternoon, that could be gone in a flash just for queueing on the grocery line.

-

"that's great. i can already imagine deuce as the actor."

shanks' voice disrupted ace's flowing imagination.

"isn’t deuce too handsome? ace, here, is a script-writer... i don’t think there are any script-writers that look like deuce?” ace was half annoyed because shanks interrupted him during the fun part of the story.

"well, we just need to make his co-star no less beautiful. nico robin for example," shanks turned his chair to the left while holding his chin, in his mind there were already several possible suitable actresses and actors. “iconic couple.”

not as sweet as sabo, though. ace thought, but that would be a matter for another time. ace took the opportunity to continue his story while shanks was thinking of any potential candidates. 

-

instead of coffee, sabo took ace to the bubble tea shop (at an age where you should cut back on sugary drinks, it was fine to taste it sometimes). after all, you didn't meet high school friend coincidentally very often. their chat started with the casual pleasantries and life updates such as current business or asking for a new address.

sabo answered with a little bit of hesitation, he’d been back here for four months. without needing ace to ask why sabo was back, he felt like ace already knew the reason; the information had been spread in their high school group chat, which only got active when there was an obituary.

but sabo didn't want to dampen the mood between them, and ace also seemed to catch the look on sabo's face, even though sabo was the first to change the topic of conversation.

"what about you?" sabo asked, folding his hands on the table before continuing, "how's work?" ace looked at sabo, not sensing any bad intentions from the question. ace chuckled, scratching his black hair.

"aw, shit, we are reaching to this topic, huh?" ace leaned his back against the backrest. he felt unable to escape from sabo's curious gaze which, for some reason, ace had never been able to avoid since high school. "yeah, business as usual. write a film script adaptation from a soap opera."

“oh yeah, yeah. i watched it, your film adaptation of that soap opera, through the link that was shared in the group chat. what's the title? reincarnation remake?” very wrong, but sabo was enthusiastic.

“reborn.” ace corrected.

“reincarnation... reborn?”

ace hid his face in his arms which were folded on the table.

"what’s the difference?"

ace raised his head. "yeah, i don't know, my producer said it was catchier." his right hand shook his plastic earl gray milk tea cup. "huh, hang on. did you say you watched it from a shared link? was it a pirated site, sab?"

this time it was sabo who couldn't avoid ace's shocked gaze. “it was an official link, i swear! the quality was HD when i watched it!” sabo panicked, but for some reason, ace laughed even louder at sabo's answer which made sabo smile.

"you're a mess, man! how come you don't support your friend's work." ace shook his head, his hand was holding his left chest, pretending as if sabo's actions were very offensive to his feelings. it was sabo's turn to laugh now.

this was his loosest laugh in the last four months.

"sorry, okay? i don't really understand that kind of thing." sabo replied while taking a sip of his bubble tea drink, an attempt to get rid of the awkwardness after being caught watching a pirated film in front of his friend who worked in the film industry. "next time i'll watch your work at the cinema. what are you working on now?"

ace was pondering his decision, before finally answering.

“this time i was asked to work on an original manuscript. romance, of course. because it is always on high-demand. i'm still in the process of looking for ideas, though. but i'm thinking about making a romance for our age."

“romance? if you want it to be easy, just make it about teenagers school romance, right? at our age, we have a lot of other things to think about," sabo answered, noticing the disapproving look on ace. "isn't it? sweet and cute love belongs to teenagers, ace.”

ace shook his head as he hastily downed his drink, his tongue clicked before wagging his index finger in front of sabo's face, not sharing the same thoughts as sabo. "no, sab. people of our age can also be sweet and romantic."

"god, i can't imagine going into the cinema and watching a romance film where the main characters are already in their thirties like us," sabo raised both of his hands slightly, curling his fingers. "people at our age just need to talk nicely and discuss it if they have a problem, ace. there's no beating around the bush or kissing under the rain, we can’t be sweet and cute like school romance."

sabo saw the man in front of him chuckled, "no, no, i'm going to make a romance story between adults that can beat the sweet romance story of teenagers!"

there was a moment of silence between them before sabo broke it, "people our age can't fall in love like in the movies anymore, ace."

ace was silent, not wanting to reply back anymore. sabo had his own thoughts which he was sure cannot be shaken, but ace also had his own.

-

“you just put the title after TWENTY MINUTES IN? you're crazy, ace. and the first twenty minutes are just casual talking?"

ace smiled.

"that's romantic, shanks. the romance of adults.”

-

they talked for almost two hours until they were interrupted by a call from hack, an employee at sabo's flower shop, which made sabo remember that he had to go home. from the corner of his eyes, sabo saw ace still wanting to catch up. actually sabo did want too, there were still many things that sabo wanted to hear from his old friend. but now that sabo was back living in the capital, he could meet ace any time again, right?

ace offered to take sabo's groceries to the car, which of course, ace had lifted before sabo could refuse.

after all the shopping bags were stored into his car and sabo said thank you, they were silent for a moment as if they wanted to stretch the time.

and that was when ace spoke up.

"do you really... won't fall in love again? have you ruled out the possibility that there might be someone else in your life?"

sabo was stunned-still. suddenly, it felt like there was a lump stuck in his throat which made sabo unable to speak. his eyes and brain tried to find the meaning behind ace's gaze and question, but to no avail.

"i... i am fine of being alone... because after–" sabo cleared his throat, swallowing the bitter taste that came from nowhere, gathering his strength to answer ace. "after law passed away four months ago, all my love and dreams were buried with law, ace."

sabo closed the door of his car, trying not to see ace's expression at that moment.

“thank you, ace. let's meet again sometimes soon." sabo smiled and waved, before driving off in his car, leaving ace in the parking lot, like the end of the first sequence of a film.

-

ace fiddled with his fingers anxiously, while shanks leaned forward on his desk. ace's anticipation amidst the silence was rewarded with the producer's words;

"i'm waiting for the next development, ace."

ace's eyes widened, he wanted to jump right here right now, but he held back. the celebration can be done any time, at least, the initial stage of the manuscript was finally accepted

"thanks, sir!"

ace withheld his smile, not only because the initial stages of his original manuscript were accepted by the ever-impenetrable shanks, but also because ace was finally able to make a reason to meet sabo again.

at least ace could used 'surveying florist for his new film' as an excuse to visit sabo’s flower shop. because ace needed to understand sabo better and his entire background, including sabo’s feelings and grief. 

[midlyfeloser]

hey y'all, don't mind me. I'm just.... sayin some crap. I posted this on fb the other day and got good responses so I figured I'd post it here too. I just keep seeing people complaining that Luke's character got destroyed in the Last Jedi due to a certain thing it's revealed he almost did in the past. I disagree. here's why:

btw there are definitely spoilers in here bc I discuss a lot of big moments in the movie so don't read til u see the movie. also this was originally written in response to a comment thread with someone, but I ended up not posting it. so it may seem a bit out of context bc I don't really feel like editing it a lot lol

the Luke we know and love struggled with the dark side. when provoked by the emperor, he even gave in to it and attacked Vader and tried to kill him with terrifying hatred. yes, he eventually regained control, but he still gave in and tried to murder his father. even in Legends continuity Luke gave in to the dark side for a time, and became the resurrected emperor's apprentice. no person ever struggles with the dark side only once in their life. its a constant struggle, and Luke even said in the movie that it was a passing thought that floated by him. immediately afterwards he saw in Ben's eyes the fear and hurt at his master's betrayal. and he paid for his doubt. he calls this moment out as his greatest shame. that's the reason he exiled himself. not because Kylo destroyed what he built, but because he failed his nephew and disgraced himself. it's not character assassination. it was showing that he's a real person. not the legendary Luke Skywalker that everyone worships. yes he was tempted again. more tempted than he ever has been since the death star. but he won again. Luke is still the same man that in the end, no matter the temptation, will always be a force for Light.

as for Rey's parentage, she was never specifically intended to be Luke's daughter. if she was intended to be anyone at all, there was evidence for a number of people. part of this could have been wishful thinking and her looking for her parents, but it could have been nothing at all. there were even theories, and hints to support it, that she's palpatines granddaughter. so don't be so set in her being Luke's daughter. there are tons of hints at other things. and even then, in a recent interview, Johnson has even said that the reveal could have been only what Kylo saw. Kylo could have been mistaken. he believes it and for now so does she, but he could have been wrong. personally I hope she is Rey Random. but this very well could have been something to throw off the scent. or just something Kylo said to hurt and manipulate her. as for the similarities to Luke, they were trying to be nostalgic, not specifically hint that she's his daughter. she's his successor, even if not by blood.

now, just so u don't like I'm loving the movie blindly; my critiques:

the humor was pretty out of place imo. it was all hilarious. and I was laughing pretty hard. and I loved it. but I just don't feel like "can you hear me now" and "your mom" jokes are very "in universe", if that makes sense. I had this issue with TFA as well. it's becoming tradition for Poe to kind of break the tension early on with a "who talks first, u or me" and "hi is this Pizza hut?". which again. is hilarious. but im still not a huge fan of it. speaking of breaking tension, I didn't like Luke throwing the Lightsaber over his shoulder. it was funny, but it's also a huge scene people have waited years for, that I wish they had kept it more serious. there were plenty of other opportunities for Funny Luke later on. and his "do you expect me to come in and save the day with my laser sword?" was pretty weird too. he makes a great point, but don't call it a laser sword. do they even have swords in their galaxy anymore?

and now just some nitpicky things: wasn't a fan of Finn and Rose freeing the space horses. I know people have been like ripping on their entire storyline, and I disagree on all that, but I just felt like their having a touching scene releasing the space horse was out of place and awkward. but whatever.

and the final scenes. Luke final battle with Kylo. they were lit af. only complaint is I wish he had used his green Lightsaber. I know it was meant to be some hint that something was up, and there are even already theories out there about some deeper meaning, but I was honestly just kind of disappointed we didn't get to see it.

and finally @ all the other big twists and stuff: L I T

(I was disappointed we didn't get to learn a bit more abt Snoke but tbh I don't think this is the last we'll see/hear of him)

reylo is a bad ship, but Kylo/Ben is probably my fave character. Rey is also great and doesnt deserve the crap people give her

that is all

EDIT: wasnt a huge fan of the way Leia was able to float back into the ship after getting blown up even if it was kinda cool.

BUT DID YOU SEE THE SCENE WHERE SHE WAS LOOKING OVER HER COLLAR???????

EDIT 2: linked below is a very very very very very very good video. only thing I would add:

if Luke did physically come back for an epic Lightsaber dual with Kylo, there would only be 3 outcomes possible. 1, he kills Kylo. leaving no future antagonist, and ruining any Rey / Kylo dynamics. 2, they fight to a draw, Luke escapes anticlimactically, and people complain that Kylo was on par with Luke, and 3, Luke sacrifices himself the same way Obi-Wan did to Vader, and people complain that they just re-hashed Obi-Wan's death.

https://youtu.be/vxikv_Q7HMo

[astralaffairs]

think of it as like an au or something, but I'm just curious to see how president thom would react to seeing someone forcing themselves on mc at like a state dinner if they're not together, i feel like he'd try to stand up for her but also it'd be kinda sus of the president standing up for some press figure who's been talking shit abt him

i love this concept omg. i got an ask similar to this a while back, so i’ve been sitting on a lot of ideas for it. tbh thomas would hardly be able to restrain himself from fucking throttling whoever’s harassing mc, but he isn’t gonna refrain from stepping in. anyway, his standing up for her then makes the media hail him as a feminist icon for like the next 3 weeks

this broke my heart to write tho lowkey </3

-----

"You're… you're Y/N L/N, aren't you? With the Washington Post?"

Y/N had been sour all night. Her feet were cramping in her heels, the tag on her dress was starting to itch, and worst of all, her editor had forced her to take the invite Alex had extended her to the state dinner. She’d had no plans of interacting with the Jefferson administration — in fact, her plan had been to stay as far from them as possible so that she could focus on work, but she mentioned the state dinner offhandedly to a coworker, another had overheard, and the next thing she knew, her boss had found out.

Moreover, she was fairly certain that Thom– no, President Jefferson had only invited Alex to antagonize him, so it was no wonder he didn’t want to go. However, when he gave her the invite, she protested that, since it wasn’t addressed to her, she couldn’t go, and she certainly couldn’t go without him, but both Alex and her editor had insisted it’d be fine. There would be enough people present that she’d slip under the radar, so what was the harm?

And slip under the radar she did. As Vice President and Second Lady, James and Dolley were unattainable company for the evening; they were busy with the heads of PACs, with senators, with members of the State Department. The latter group included Lafayette — he’d been promoted not long after President Jefferson took office, which ruled him, too, out of her options for who she could hang out with. He was off wooing foreign diplomats.

So, there she was, standing alone at the side of the room with her expensive champagne (there was an open bar, thank god) and the small-but-growing pile of business cards she’d collected throughout the night.

At least, she was alone until the anonymous man in question approached her. She turned to him with her eyebrows raised.

“Yeah. Yeah, I’m Y/N,” she said, surprised that she’d been recognized. “I’m not with the Post, anymore, though.”

“Of course. My mistake,” he apologized, and when he extended to her a hand to shake, she stuffed her newly-acquired business cards back into her purse “I’m Richard Lestrade. I work in the Department of Defense.”

“Nice to meet you.” She had little interest in chatting with him, but she politely shook his hand. “What can I do for you?”

He laughed softly, but it made Y/N raise an eyebrow. “I don’t have some kind of agenda. I just recognized you from your time as a news analyst and thought I’d come introduce myself.”

“Of course.”

She only responded so as to placate him, and she thought that how curt her reply was would deter him from trying to strike up a conversation. She met his eyes with an expectant eyebrow raised as she took another sip from her champagne.

“So how’d you get an invite here tonight?” he asked after a moment. “I mean, I was invited because I work for him, working on naval strategy and all, so it’s just a perk of the job, but I’m surprised to see you. With how much you’ve done to keep President Jefferson from being elected, I wouldn’t think you’d end up on the guest list for state dinners.”

She shrugged. “Alexander Hamilton invited me, actually.”

“Secretary Hamilton was invited? Really?” At that, the disbelief in Richard’s expression was almost patronizing. “Wow, I didn’t hear that he and President Jefferson had buried the hatchet. I always thought they were rivals, or even enemies.”

“Oh, make no mistake, they hate each other,” she said coolly.

“So why would Secretary Hamilton be invited?”

“So Jefferson could rub it in his face that he won the election.” She shrugged, turning back to face the room before them, but Richard seemed surprised.

“No, no, he wouldn’t be that petty,” he scoffed, but his tone was condescending, as though her theory had absolutely no foundation. “He’s the president. I think he has higher priorities than antagonizing someone who’s old news.”

Y/N resisted rolling her eyes at his calling Alex ‘old news,’ as though Richard was somehow a higher calibre of invitee to the state dinner. “You underestimate how catty politicians are. Jefferson included.”

“President Jefferson,” he corrected her, and she gave him a sidelong glance, eyeing him warily.

“Sure.”

“But anyway, I suppose I’m glad President Jefferson invited Hamilton, if it means you’re here, too.”  Richard raised his glass to her as though in tribute, and she was sure the smile she offered him came off as more of a grimace. She had little appreciation for his heavy-handed advance.

“That’s nice of you to say,” she replied mildly before draining the remainder of her glass. She turned to him with a nonchalant, nearly-blank expression. “And as great as it’s been to meet you, I think I have to run. I’m heading out soon and need to say a few goodbyes.” Truthfully, she had no intention of leaving. Her editor would have her head if he found out she cut bait so early in the night, and if she fled before Jefferson addressed the entire room, she wouldn’t be able to provide her boss with the synopsis of the presidential address. She only wanted to leave that conversation.

“You’re leaving so early? Why’s that?”

She shrugged. “I suppose the Jefferson Administration isn’t really my scene. I’ll see you around, Mr. Lestrade.”

“Please, it’s Richard,” he corrected her. “But you should stay longer. If you leave now, you’ll miss President Jefferson’s address.”

What was it with this guy and using Jefferson’s full title? “Please, consider for a moment that missing it may be entirely the point,” she said dryly, and Richard gave a light laugh.

“Oh, please. I’m sure that even a democrat like you can appreciate a good speech.” ‘Even a democrat like her’? What was that supposed to mean? “As a journalist, this should be right up your alley.”

“I’m sure I’ll be able to find the transcript online in a few hours. I’ll survive.”

“It’ll have a much greater impact in person,” he countered, and she sighed. “So, please, stay. Can I get you a drink? What are you drinking?”

“Thanks, but I’m okay,” she said. As though she was about to let a man she’d met only minutes before handle her drink. That would be a recipe for disaster. “I really should get going.”

“No, wait,” he protested, and when she began walking away from him anyway, he caught her by the arm, pulled her back. She turned back to him with an expectant expression, trying to quell the anger building in her chest. “You can’t leave yet; dinner hasn’t even been served.”

“I can fend for myself on that front,” she assured him, and although her teeth were clenched, she plastered on a smile. “So if you’d kindly let go of my arm, I’m going to be on my way.”

“I was hoping to get to know you, actually.” He released her, but her immediately marching off toward the center of the room caught him off guard. “No, wait!” She stifled a groan when she heard him hurrying after her, and as he came to a stop in front of her, blocking her path, she narrowed her eyes. “Come on, Y/N. Come sit down with me and some of my friends; it’ll be a nice time, okay? I’m a nice guy.” He wore a hopeful smile, apparently convinced of his words as she folded her arms.

“I’m sure you are, but I need to get back to my table to retrieve my coat,” she said apologetically. Her anger didn’t show on her face, thankfully. “So I’m sorry, but I can’t.”

“Oh, sure you can; you’re just being stubborn,” he insisted. He took a step forward toward Y/N, and she took a step back. “Now, I know we’re from opposite parties, and all, but I’ve been a fan of your reporting for a long time, and I’d really appreciate it if you just came and sat down with us for a few minutes. You and I have a lot in common. I have a feeling we’d hit it off.”

The coy smile he wore made her want to grimace, and when he added a wink, she did grimace, visibly. “This is nice and all, but I’m not really interested.”

“Sure, because you don’t know me yet,” Richard countered, and he took another step toward her, grabbing her by the elbow as he came to stand next to her. Y/N could feel her heart pounding as he forcibly turned her, pointed out his table. “Let’s go. We’re sitting right over there.”

“No, really, I’d rather not,” she repeated, and as she tried to pull her arm away from his grip, he pulled her toward him with an arm around her waist — it was then she realized she couldn’t do nearly anything about it without making a scene. And given her history, a scene was the last thing she wanted. “Please let go of me.”

“You don’t have to stay long; I’m not asking much.” It was then that he began leading her toward the table, and as she stumbled alongside him, panic was rising in her chest. She was looking around for some way out, some familiar face — Dolley, Lafayette, someone — but nobody appeared. “Just have a seat. Let me get you a drink.”

And there he was, repeating his offer. No matter who it was, the insistence on drinking with her would make her wary, but this man already had worry building in her throat, so the feeling only compounded with his words. “I don’t want to come with you. Get your hands off of me.” He didn’t stop, though, and she finally had to dig in her heels, trying to pull back from him. She knew he was stronger than her, but her resistance to him dragging her along certainly grabbed his attention. Richard frowned.

“Oh, come on, don’t be such a–”

“‘M fairly sure I heard her tellin’ you to let go of her.” The voice was stern, and it made both her and Richard freeze, and for entirely different reasons. Y/N would’ve been able to recognize it anywhere, the southern drawl, the lazy enunciation, and her pulse was then spiking for an entirely different reason. Richard turned immediately toward the sound, releasing her, but Y/N stayed put.

“Mr. President,” Richard said breathlessly, his eyes wide. “It’s an honor to meet you; I–”

“What’s your name?”

“Richard Lestrade, sir.” He sounded excited to have courted Jefferson’s attention, apparently oblivious to the undertone of anger in his voice. Y/N recognized it clearly, though, too clearly, and it made her sick to her stomach. She resented the familiarity.

“D’you work here, Mr. Lestrade?”

“I work for the Department of Defense, sir. I’m a naval strategist. Graduated top of my class from the US Naval Academy; I actually helped plan the–”

“I don’t remember askin’ for your resume.” Then, the annoyance Jefferson exuded was clear, unmistakable in his snarky interjection. Y/N had to purse her lips to keep herself from laughing, especially as she glanced over at Richard and found him pale as a ghost.

“Of course not, sir. I’m sorry.”

“I don’t think I’m the one you should be apologizin’ to, now,” Jefferson said frankly, and Y/N didn’t see him watching her until she reluctantly turned, glancing between him and Lestrade. “Ms. Y/N L/N, correct?” he asked, and she nearly winced.

“Yes, that’s me.” Her strained smile was fooling nobody, but when he saw it, Jefferson’s composure didn’t waver.

“Did I hear you tellin’ Mr. Lestrade not to touch you?”

When he addressed her, she forced herself to shake her nerves, he jumbled emotions, off for the time being, and she pushed her shoulders back, presenting a front of confidence.

“You did, as a matter of fact.” She looked up tentatively to meet his eyes — and she immediately wished she hadn’t. While his expression exuded nonchalance, his casual authority over the situation, she knew him well enough to recognize the concern in his eyes: his forehead was creased almost imperceptibly, one eyebrow was quirked up, and one corner of his mouth twitched down. Her jaw tensed as she swallowed her heartache.

She was grateful that he then turned back to Richard. “Care to explain yourself, Mr. Lestrade?”

The interaction had stirred a bit of a crowd around them by then; the others in their immediate vicinity had ended their conversations at once upon hearing the confrontation, but the hush seemed to be spreading further across the room, and Richard was glancing left and right as he gaped at Jefferson. “Oh, no, it was just a misunderstanding. Look–”

“I’m not sure it was,” Jefferson cut him off, and his tone was biting. “Forgive me if this is too presumptuous, but I don’t think there’s anything unclear about a woman tellin’ you to take your hands off of her.”

“We were just chatting.”

“That wasn’t what it looked like,” Jefferson said, folding his arms. “From where I was standin’, it seemed like you grabbed a woman against her will, and you refused to let go. ‘S that accurate, Ms. L/N?”

She wished desperately that he’d stop addressing her. Her throat went dry as he all but admitted he’d been watching her, and she could only nod, unable to find her voice. Thankfully, he took that as enough of an answer.

“I never meant to hurt Y/N, sir. Honestly, I’m so sorry if I did–” Richard turned to Y/N. “I’m so sorry if I hurt you, but my intention wasn’t–”

“You blatantly ignored me telling you to stop,” she said. His speaking to Y/N once again made her blood boil, and she couldn’t help but snap at him, despite how lightly she felt herself to be treading in present company. “Don’t pretend like this was some unfortunate accident.”

Lestrade went from gaping at Jefferson to gaping at her, then. “I… I’m sorry, again, but come on, you know I was just trying to be friendly,” he defended, and she rolled her eyes, getting tired of his excuse. The edge of aggression in his tone made her take a wary step away from him, though. “I invited you to–”

“You said you work for the Department of Defense, correct?” Jefferson cut him off, diverting his attention from Y/N, and she closed her eyes and took a deep breath, silently thanking him for bailing her out.

“Yes, sir.” Lestrade offered a weak smile, but his fear was obvious in how he was holding himself. Jefferson regarded him with an air of disgust, looking him up and down.

“Well, you don’t anymore.” Y/N’s eyes widened at the declaration, but President Jefferson paid her no mind. “ I’ll be in touch with your supervisor to have you dismissed.”

“What?” Lestrade asked, “but, sir, that’s my job. I need to–”

“Not anymore, it isn’t.” President Jefferson’s words were firm. “Now, please, I’d like to ask you to leave now so it isn’t necessary for me to have you shown out with a security detail.”

Lestrade froze, and for a moment, Y/N expected him to protest, but when he saw all the people around them watching him, anticipating his next move, he turned on his heel, flushing bright red, and started toward the exit. Y/N and Jefferson were both scowling as they watched him leave.

However, it wasn’t long before Jefferson turned to Y/N, although she hadn’t turned back to face him.

“Are you alright, Ms. L/N?” he asked mildly, and she was sure her surprise pertaining to the whole situation was written across her face when she met his gaze. She nodded hesitantly. “I’d appreciate hearin’ you say it.”

“I’m just fine,” she assured him, voice shaky, and his tense shoulders relaxed, although he didn’t look fully convinced. “But thanks for your concern, really, Thom– sorry, Secretary– I mean, President Jefferson.”

She saw the corners of his lips twitch up when she almost called him Thomas.

"Of course. Let me know if there's anything I can do." His words were wary, careful not to cross any lines or to impose upon her, but she smiled.

"I think that firing Mr. Lestrade on sight was quite enough," she said, and when a grin split Thomas’s– President Jefferson's worried expression, her stomach turned; her smile was strained. Everything about him felt too familiar, painfully familiar.

"Fair enough,” he acquiesced. At how ill-at-ease she appeared, though, his smile wavered. “Hope I didn't go overboard."

She shrugged. "He deserved it."

Thomas Jefferson laughed, and the sound was as warm as she remembered it being. She hadn’t heard it in person in nearly three years, and for her to have come across him so suddenly, it was jarring. She was quite sure she was going to be sick.

“I s’pose you’re right.” By then, those around them had begun to disperse, so after glancing left and right, he took a step closer to her, furrowed his brow, and every muscle in her body tensed. Yet, she didn’t move away. His voice was soft, gentle when he asked. “You sure you’re okay?”

“I’m fine,” she insisted, swallowing hard. “Don’t you have some politicians to get back to?”

He pursed his lips, and she was sure the tense grief in her expression wasn’t hidden as well as she’d have liked it to be. “I guess so,” he finally said, but he didn’t move, looking her over, and his voice was quiet when he said, “‘S good to see you, though. You look good.”

“Yeah, you too,” was all she could manage in response. He gave her a sad smile, nodded, and the silence between them stretched on Just as she thought he was about to turn, head back to where he’d been previously, he stopped himself.

“Will I see you around?”

The hope in his voice made her throat tighten, and she took a deep, shaky breath. She shook her head, and her voice nearly broke when she answered, “I don’t think you will.”

[ghostboyjules]

@queerofthedagger Hiii ����✨ finally back with the promised shared rambling abt the National ��� this is my second attempt, because after formatting the first one exactly how I wanted it, tumblr decided to eat the post and not even save a draft.. or anything. almost made me cry. just a little bit. ajcjsjfjg I'm gonna put the bulk of the ramble under a break because it's going to be very dumb and messy because I'm very Sleepy and my brain just. started throwing word spaghetti.

(before that tho I did wanna say; when I said "albums/songs" and "favorite" in the same sentence, I knew you were gonna do the incredibly reasonable and sexy bi brain energy move and choose multiple.. 😏 fell into my trap of getting you to talk about multiple things hehehehe 😌💕✨)

If I'm not mistaken (which I very well could be) I think I started listening to them in 2017 - which when I went to look at their albums, really tripped me up cause iaetf came out in 2019 apparently???!!!?? it feels like it's been. so much longer than that.., what.. but then when I thought about it a little more I do remember the day it dropped, listening to it for the first time and accidentally crying at work 💀💀 (me: -headphones in and quietly weeping while trying to take pictures of a part that goes into a helicopter engine- my coworker: bro are you good??)

Also, basically SINCE 2017 I've been referring to them as my "Sad Dad" music, because what I didn't have words for then, I do now. and what it really is, is that the Gender I feel while listening to this band is so.. specific. and the only way I can describe it is Sad Dad. like, it's a nice gender feeling for me IDK WHAT IT MEANS AJDJSKFK I had to explain cause like, I'm not calling THEM sad dads.. I'm calling ME the sad dad in a very gender queer way because apparently that's just how my brain works sometimes. on that note, lemme stop speaking gibberish and get into the music, beginning with the albums

Trouble Will Find Me (NO SKIPS. NOOO SKIPS NO SKIPS... god this album... THIS ALBUM....)

Sleep Well Beast (I think this was actually the first album I fully listened to of theirs.. changed my whole goddamn life - unironically.)

okay I'm choosing High Violet for this one but it was SO CLOSE to being I Am Easy to Find. it's just that for *me* High Violet is more of a 'no skips' album, whereas with iaetf, there's like 4 songs (or more) that are. just. so so incredibly impactful to me but then others that I'm just kinda 'meh' about. (but meh in the way that I still absolutely love them, I just don't listen to them as much as I do the specific 4)

I think I'm gonna have to combine my "fave" song section with the lyrics, because they're just so... they go together in my brain.. AND this is gonna go in no particular order because I literally could NOT rank them if I tried, it's so goddamn hard 😭 this selection is. probably gonna tell you a whole lot more about me than anyone ever wanted to know but HAHA

Pink Rabbits

It wasn't like a rain, it was more like a sea / I didn't ask for this pain, it just came over me

what am I supposed to do with this Matt Berninger? huh? and then skip a few to closer to the end and you get:

You didn't see me, I was falling apart / I was a white girl in a crowd of white girls in the park / You didn't see me, I was falling apart / I was a television version of a person with a broken heart

at first listen this part kinda made me laugh a lil bit. but then I kept listening. and got older. and then really thought about what he means here. and THEN it started fuckin me up. sleeper cell of a song. I stg.

Oblivions

It's the way that you're gonna stop needing to tell me / You want me as much as I want you to tell me / I'm over the threshold / Everything is gonna be totally okay into oblivion

and then the way they sing this next part makes me LOSE IT, it's so so beautiful and moving and has soooo much feeling in it..

It's like a tide in the city lifts me and carries me around / And oh, my mind is made up out of nothing now / If nothing scares you about me and you, never put me down / Oh, my mind is made up out of nothing now

this will probably be one of my forever favorite songs. it makes me so goddamn emotional. I couldn't listen to this song without crying at one point. and now it only happens if I think too hard :') it's just. SO. BEAUTIFUL..

Hey Rosey

I will love you like there's razors in it / And she'll love you like a radiant flame / There's never really any safety in it / Please do it again

this whole song... just. this whole song... my god.

Demons

Can I stay here? I can sleep on the floor / Paint the blood and hang the palms on the door / I do not think I'm going places anymore / I wanna see the sun come up above New York

this whole bridge. just the whole bridge. the bit at the end? when I walk into a room I do not light it up? I *wept* when I heard this song. WEPT.

Don't Swallow the Cap

I'm not alone / I'll never be /And to the bone / I'm evergreen / And if you want / To see me cry / Play "Let It Be" / Or "Nevermind"

and also the part you posted, careful fear and dead devotion... I remember being fuckin STUNNED when I heard that lyric for the first time...

This Is the Last Time

You're the only thing I want / And I said I wouldn't cry about it

😐. this one fucks me up. and the outro?? fuck dude. get me outta here.

Graceless

I am not my rosy self / Left my roses on my shelf / Take the white ones, they're my favorite / It's the side effects that save us /Grace / Put the flowers you find in a vase / If you're dead in the mind, it'll brighten the place / Don't let them die on the vine, it's a waste

there's so many things I could talk about with this song but jfc.. just... whew

Slipped

I don't need any help to be breakable, believe me / I know nobody else who can laugh along to any kind of joke / I won't need any help to be lonely when you leave me / It'll be easy to cover, gather my skeletons far inside / It'll be summer in Dallas before I realize

this song breaks me. still breaks me. will always break me. just like that fuckin line says, I don't need any help to be breakable, believe me. 🙄 sjdjskf FUCK. and the way he delivers the 3rd verse. ruinous. why does this song hurt so goddamn much jfc. but it's so so good.

Lemonworld

I'm too tired to drive anywhere / Anyway right now, do you care if I stay? / You can put on your bathing suits / And I'll try to find somethin' on this thing that means nothin' enough

this is the part that's always stuck with me, but the chorus loves to get stuck in my head too.. makes me wanna lay on the floor and stare at the ceiling

okay, that's all for now.. literally took out like 3 songs because I just.. couldn't get my brain to work any more 😅 but we can always talk abt the ones we didn't get to later 🥰

anyway, thank you so much for answering the original ask, I was so excited to see your answers and I love love love seeing someone else talk about a shared interest, it makes me so incredibly happy, and I hope my answers can bring you as much joy as yours gave me <3 ttyl Mona 🥰✨

Hiii Mona <3 I couldn't help but notice that we were both losing our minds abt the new National song, and because I always need ppl to talk to abt them, I simply *must* ask. do you have a favorite album/song of theirs?? 👀 maybe even favorite lyrics? 👀👀

Jules!! <3 Oh this is such a pandora's box question because the National is just one of my favourite bands... 😭😄

God so albums is already so hard but with it all being very close it's

1. Trouble Will Find Me 2. Boxer 3. I Am Easy to Find

and for songs.... oof. i am bisexual why would you make me choose anything ever 😭😭

Don't Swallow the Cap

Graceless

Weird Goodbyes

Slow Show

Rylan

About Today

Mr Novemeber

Vanderlyle Crybaby Geeks

Mistaken for Strangers

Light Years

and i could go on but. i. yeah. top 10 it gonna be 😭😂 and if i got into lyrics we'd be here forever but generally speaking I just really love the way they understate things and then make those punch your teeth out, like in Weird Goodbyes the

your coat's in my car, I guess you forgot / it's crazy the things we let go

or like, in Tropic Morning News (which honestly would deserve a place on that list... anyway) the

oh, what happened to the wavelength we were on? / oh, where's the gravity gone?

AND in Don't Swallow the Cap the !!!!

I have only two emotions / careful fear and dead devotion / I can't get the balance right / with all my marbles in the fight

ALSO because I can't NOT mention it the fucking line in Graceless that makes me want to eat glass namely

There's a science to walking through windows without you // plus // God loves everyone / don't remind me

Like ugh there's so many more this feels blasphemous but!! also please please please tell me all of yours I want to hear them ALL they just make me INSANE (and thank you so much for making me ramble about them I'm really terribly normal about them😭❤️)

[dustinchris]

dude im starting to foam at the mouth at tmr. whats ur characterisation of the mains i need to hear the tea

when i first read this i was like MY characterization? but eye didn’t do anything.. and then realized james dashner and whoever wrote the screenplays didn’t really do anything either so.

i feel like (much like Avatar, 2009, Oh, Wouldn’t You Know) tmr focuses more on building a world than building its characters, now i don’t really mind this as i happen to be a fan of Places and Things, but i AM annoyed bc memorable characters = relevancy and thats a setback for what i’m trying to do here

i’m literally not even saying the characters are bad i like them but they needed rebranding. if thomas had some sort of unique physical distinction synonymous with who he is and his backstory, destiny, and legacy maybe we’d have a maze runner theme park at universal studios rn you know.

ok ok but the funny thing abt tmr is it’s basically a teenage boy hivemind..... the only thing they CAN think about most of the time is how to not die, they don’t seem to individually represent anything, and they all have their fucking minds wiped so there’s nothing about their past to shape them or motivate them or anything like that.. in this post apocalyptic hellscape the core goals of the heroes AND the villains are just going to be about survival and while that’s not uninteresting, none of that makes it easy to create distinctive characters. ahdjdkkd sorry i’ll stop myself and talk more about that later and now i will actually try to chat abt the tmr characters !!

okay so i mentioned none of them having backstory which is a lie because THOMAS, hello, actually has a backstory, and it is completely wasted on him which is so funny to me. like he’s a very in-the-now person who willfully ignores the fact that he has a past and honestly that doesn’t matter bc it barely affects his current reality at all besides people from WCKD already knowing who he is. like i strongly think if thomas was just some random he would still do everything the same and everyone would still be trying to kill him. thomas (alright besides his magic blood i’ll give you that) is not actually special but it’s like HE is the only one who knows that. everyone’s like why is thomas so special why is thomas different, but i think (again, besides the blood) he’s genuinely not, he’s literally just stupid. it’s implied maybe he used to be really smart but that obviously didn’t work out for him because now he’s just a newborn calf who’s dumb and brave and impulsive and it WORKS !!!! he’s naturally very curious, which is why he’s a good protagonist for exploring our fun settings and (more importantly) another reason why it’s SO funny he does not care to know about his old life . and thomas is a circumstantial leader. i think most YA protags in things like this don’t want to be the leader but are good at it once they try and usually NEED to be the leader for whatever reason. thomas leads when it makes sense for him to lead, like when they need to take immediate action or someone needs to yell “RUN!!!!” otherwise the leadership role goes to someone who is capable like alby or minho or newt or if they’re lucky enough to find literally any grown up who isn’t evil it’ll go to them. i think it’s nice that thomas pushes when something’s important to him but otherwise is fine with whatever he’s given. if one were to use cats 2019 terms i would say most of the time thomas is victoria if she was the jellicle choice but he’s jennyanydots when he’s alone (he sits and sits and sits and sits)

i think it’s significant TERESA was the only one who got her memories back and in the movies she doesn’t really become a person until she finds her purpose from those memories and her former self’s morals. thomas was like “yeah there’s no way i’m fucking with WCKD again because they suck. they put me and my friends in a killer maze. i ain’t reading all those memories. i’m happy for me tho. or sorry that happened.” but teresa needed to know and needed to justify her choices. if thomas doesn’t think he’s different, teresa definitely thinks she is! and she is unique, once she gets her memories she’s SMART AGAIN she’s a teen scientist wunderkind which i will never stop thinking about like how does she really feel about thomas who she KNOWS has lost all intelligence on PURPOSE and is on the right side of history because of it. what teresa did wasn’t even that bad i guess she had noble intentions but she betrayed the boys and that is not on. teresa is what always sunny would call “the useless chick” for most of the time in this fun little series but her shining moment is when she entered the maze and was like IMMA START THROWING ROCKS AT ANYONE WHO IS NOT DYLAN O’BRIEN (a very accurate and impressive representation of a teenage girl). and can i mention the dynamic between thomas and teresa would be a lot more interesting if they were twins. it’s the drama of the last of your family making a decision completely opposite your own instead of some random coworker you have no real chemistry with

BRENDA is just like Cool Action Girl i have no thoughts on her but i don’t dislike her. i don’t think we like ever see her interact with the whole maze group but they’d all be scared of her because she’s not fucking around and i think she would be mean if needed. she’ll fit in

this is the part of the tumblr post where i get to the best characters but have nothing to say about them 😔

MINHO is too cool for this series. i’m confident every single one of these teens is in love with him and he knows none of them are good enough. in cats terms he’s munkustrap because without him everything would be a mess but he’s got the range for the rum tum tugger. minho is the one who says “guys why don’t we just say fuck like normal people” after a week of everyone saying stuff like “shuckface” to which gally or any other rule abiding freak is like okay that’s IT time out. get on top of the fridge. and he screams THIS MAZE IS A FUCKING NIGHTMARE

newt :-) NEWT is mr mistoffelees in cats 1998 (NOT 2019) because he’s gay, he has the panache of a cat twirling around in a light up jacket shooting lightning out of his paws, and he’s saying things like “the rum tum tugger is a terrible whore” to RTT’s face and getting away with it. i love when he asks thomas if he still likes teresa and gets in his face about it and screams like what was that even about that was homosexual activity. i really love newt.... like can i talk about his fashion choices again the scarf and fingerless gloves in scorch trials even tho it’s a thousand degrees he looks good. and the shearling jacket in the death cure literally STYLIN... it’s very important that newt is the only british person in this whole thing i think. what’s up with that. i love it. he’s the most likely to think “wow this glade thing is kinda like love island” but the least likely to say those words out loud

[notesofarichlycolorednight]

Hi! How do you think Luke's personality would be if he survived, and how would it change during the years? I'm not talking about the campers' reactions,but how Luke would think and act.

hello hello!

oh man, that’s an interesting question and i LOVE IT

so by the wording of your question, it sounds like if the titan war still happened, but luke somehow survived after getting rid of kronos, how he might change in the yrs following

and so, hcs!! in bullet-form!! as always under a cut

so he luke miraculously survives hitting his achilles’ heel

and let’s pretend the gods are a sliver decent and actually fulfill percy’s wish/reward, which now includes luke since he’s alive, and did help save the gods in the end

so he’s not exactly punished, but he is being monitored heavily, almost like he’s on parole or smth

i know it’s hard to believe they’d completely let him off, even in this au, so i’ll throw in a magical ankle bracelet that monitors him–he can’t take it off (without the gods being alerted), or go outside of nyc’s five boroughs, which includes into any magical realms (like the underworld, since there’s an entrance in central park)

if he heads into areas that have high demigod activity/magical auras, with chb as the exception, it alerts whoever now has the task of monitoring him to keep a closer eye on him for that time he’s there

suspicious activity is flagged, and they can recall him to mt olympus and detain him at any time if they think that he’s becoming a danger to the gods again

speaking of chb, i don’t think he’d be able to stay there after the titan war, too many painful memories–too many ppl who hate him, or don’t trust him, etc.

it’s hard to say what his and annabeth’s relationship would be. as i’ve said in a previous ask, i think luke was asking if annabeth still considered him family, and she does. but i think luke would be too guilt-ridden to interact with her at first

not to mention that percy is v protective, and while they may have had a tender moment abt not letting all that happen again, i think percy would have a hard time trusting him

thalia’s now with the hunters, and has clearly shown what she thinks of luke’s betrayal, so that’s no good either

i think grover would be more open to luke, but luke would probably avoid him like he avoid annabeth bc of the guilt. and grover’s a busy satyr now, so that doesn’t help

so basically anyone he considered close to him in childhood is on shaky ground and he’s not sure what to do abt that, bc demigods are only taught abt fighting and battle, instead of that and emotional and psychological health wheeeeeee

since he can’t leave nyc, he finds like a hostel or smth to stay in while he figures shit out and tries to get back on his feet

he’s suffering p heavily from ptsd and still has terrible nightmares abt kronos and being possessed by kronos, which doesn’t help

he can’t hold a steady job bc he only knows how to fight and has no social skills whatsoever, so he becomes some low-level conman to make some income

he still hates his father, so it’s hard to acknowledge that his father’s skills are helping hi survive right now, as much as he’d like to believe that he’s surviving all on his own

at some point, he tries to con one of the demigods who’ve made it without chb (a demigod whose parent is a minor god). thankfully, they’re nice abt it and introduce him to a demigod underworld, so to speak

i wouldn’t say it’s as sinister as our criminal underworld–it’s really more of a society of demigods who were forgotten (unclaimed kids) or never made it to camp (children of minor gods), but found a way to survive with little to no training from camp, despite the monsters and technology

luke is suddently introduced to a whole new world, and that’s when his life really starts moving forward again

these demigods are angry and bitter, yeah, but they take that and turn it into motivation to live and thrive–basically living bc of spite. fuck the gods, fuck my parents, i’ll show them i don’t need them or chb

(like rick has this weird thing abt writing kids who say that, but then talk abt how much they want their godly parent’s approval. or to prove that they’re worth of their godly parent’s attention. and like i get why, but that’s not true for everyone??? having been adopted, i come from a perspective of, yeah, i am a little curious abt who my biological parents are, but i’m not dying to reunite with them or anything bc i don’t need to??? i have everything i need right here–a loving mom, and awesome friends, who i would consider family. even if i did want to know who they were, their approval of who i am now doesn’t matter to me. i don’t need to prove anything to them, nor should i need to for their attention. like that’s shitty to expect that from your child, and a horribly mindset to instill in a child)

and so i imagine it’s the same for a lot of demigods, too /tangent

anyway, so i’d like to think that this society is pretty structured–it’s a mish-mash of kids of major gods who were never claimed and of minor gods. some do resort to criminal activity, others work minimum wage jobs, and still others who are making higher than minimum wage, with some even making six figures ya know. basically they still function within the larger mortal society, but they’re also part of this hidden demigod society, you feel?

but they always take in demigods who could use some help out in the real world, regardless of who their parents are and whether or not they’ve been claimed/lived at chb

hephaestus kids have built a closed-circuit network that makes tech safer for them to use, and it also helps them communicate with each other as well as any mortal they make friends with, etc.

and their secret society is hidden within a company (kinda like how the three roman emperors hid themselves within a company, except without the evil part), and it’s v socialist–so they do what they can to help those who don’t have anything, until they can get back on their feet, and then put back into the society and help others

so luke is introduced to this hidden world within the mortal one of new york

i’d like to think he’s p instantly recognizable (to most, not all), but they don’t hold any grudges or bitterness like those at chb to bc they understand that he was fighting for them, even if he was going abt it the wrong way

some put him on a pedestal (he’s the face of our hidden society or he could take up the company or smth), but another kid of hermes comes along and shows him the ropes, not expecting anything from him

they get him therapy to work on his anger issues as well as his ptsd, and he slowly learns social skills

there are two large apt buildings that the company owns that only house demigods (but not all the demigods who are part of this society), and they find him a small one bed/one bath apartment to live in

as he gets better, he stops resorting to criminal activity and finds a steady job working at a tech company, bc he doesn’t have to interact with ppl like in retail, and when he does, its coworkers who think the same as he does

i also like to think he starts mend those relationships he lost with annabeth and grover. thalia’s a little harder to reach, but once he starts communicating with annabeth more, annabeth tells thalia abt his progress, and thalia sneaks away to visit him on occasion

it’s rough at first, as it always is, bc he did a lot of bad things and hurt a lot of ppl

but he apologizes to all of them–annabeth, grover, thalia, and even percy

they start to hang out occasionally, and luke almost become a mentor to percy again

(we’re kinda ignoring hoo rn for luke’s mental health, but percy most definitely talks to luke abt how he can see where luke was coming from during the second titan war after that whole prophecy nightmare)

eventually, they become friends, even family

he’s happy to hear that the camp is expanding, allowing minor demigods; the hermes cabin is far less crowded

but luke still holds a lot of anger and bitterness. even living within this secret society, it’s yet another symptom of the gods’ lack of caring (like the crowded hermes cabin)

even with percy’s request and the expanding camp, luke still hears of demigods joining their society, which is a little disheartening if only bc it still represents the gods’ lack of caring

with the help of therapy, tho, he’s learning to channel is anger into smth productive

instead of trying to raise evil entities, he throws himself into the business that their society is hidden in. he wants to know all the inner workings of both the demigod and mortal side bc he wants to help as many demigods he can

bc in the end, he’s still a scared, lost little nine year old boy who just wants someone to be there for other demigods since no one was there for him

oh and speaking of, he finds the courage to visit him mom again! annabeth goes with him, since he’s still working through all that shit with his therapist (and lbr, that’s smth that someone might never work through, just learn to cope with)

i wouldn’t say he visits her often, but he spends some of his income and hires a caregiver to help around the house, but also to take care of may. since the prophecy has been fulfilled, her visions aren’t as bad, and she doesn’t have so many spells, but her mind is still quite lost bc the curse is still there

eventually, luke works his way up the ranks of the company bc he sees the good that this society is doing, and wants to be a part of that. he can finally help these demigods that doesn’t involve destroying the world

he starts to visit camp a little, but usually only talks with chiron abt the changes that they could make to the camp to better help the kids there. the whole place, tho, still holds a lot of painful memories that luke would just rather forget. so he doesn’t go often

it’s a long, long process and luke stays in therapy indefinitely, but the work he’s doing with the company, and the demigods he interacts with on a daily basis help him a lot

he slowly heals, and mends fences, as well as makes new friends and bonds

he never truly lets go of his anger and bitterness, and for the most part he just kinda ignores the gods. remembering what he did during the titan war still haunts him, but he uses those memories as a reminder and promises to never do anything like that again

and this time he keeps his promise!

*sniffles* look at my bby boy growing up and healing. 

despite liking white collar!luke (which i could see this so easily sprouting from your initial question), i wanted to take this in a different route and really delve into his healing process bc it’s like a salve to my soul. it’s so easy to ignore emotional and psychological health, but for anyone it’s so, so important to address those issues and work through them ya know?

like i advocate for mental health and stability! as well as emotional healing, esp for men bc it breaks down that toxic masculinity. and toxic masculinity often does lead to expressions of anger and violence in men in our society

i could probably say more, but i’ll leave it there for now. it feels like a good stopping point. hmu if you’d like to hear more specifics abt anything within this au!! i’d be happy to write more abt this au :D

thanks for sending this in, anon!!

[2nerdsandablog-blog]

shiro x reader coffee shop au

alright so for this, u and lance are coworkers at a small time cafe:

- so u work nights/afternoons a lot and it gets rlly tedious. i mean, u can go a full hour without any work at all so u and lance tend to play stupid games or doodle on napkins to stick around the work area. 

- at one point he’s in the back doing smthn and in walks shiro, fresh from a run and looking like someone sculpted by the gods and ur jaw drops. i mean, u break out in cold sweats, instantly nervous, but he's rlly sweet and cool. he makes small talk abt what he should get, he tells u he rlly likes tea but he has't found any rlly good brands and asks which is ur fav. he also asks abt the little pastries and stuff, he doesn't want anything too sweet or heavy and u help him with that

- the whole time he's rlly sweet, hanging on ur every word and giving u blinding smiles, def flirting w u but not going overboard and ur an anxious mess. he kinda hangs back to chat w u some but then a new customer comes in and he ends up heading out- saying he'll see u soon- and u go to take care of the next customer

- after the lady gets her drinks, she sits in the corner and start going on her laptop and lance finally comes out. u tell them abt this guy, u don't even know his name (it was so slow u didn't have to ask for one- u also forgot from staring at him), but u do a rough sketch of shiro, scar and all, and lance teases u abt it bc they don't believe he was that attractive LMAO but now ur determined

- over the course of the next month u see him 5 times and every. single. time. lance is doing something. inventory, cleaning the bathroom, laying out pastries to be put in the oven or something that keeps him away from the front and every time he comes back u tell them how ‘the guy’ came by again. it becomes a huge joke between u two but lance is getting rlly interested in seeing this dude bc u hype him up so much

- so finally !!! lance is working the cash register and ur wiping some tables (u guys play games and whoever 'loses' has to do the dirty stuff like clean tables or the bathroom or wash the dishes after a small pop- neither of u mind doing those things but it's fun to make it a game either way) when shiro walks in but he doesn't notice u and just walks up to the register. mind u, he always comes within the same time frame. not on the dot but he always swings by after a run around 7-8pm and chats w u until someone comes in and u gotta help a new customer. it's routine. so he goes up to the register, fully expecting u, and comes face to face w lance

- u see this and ur pointing, making hand gestures to say "THATS HIM" and lance is like jaw dropped, eyes wide, completely blown away because he's real and u weren't kidding, this guy is gorgeous and before lance can compose himself to give the spiel ("hi, what can i get for you?") shiro cuts him off and asks for you by name. LANCE SNORTS OUT LOUD which makes shiro blush like crazy bc holy shit did he just say that out loud ? 

- and u run behind the counter, slowing to a walk before u get to shiro so u can pretend like u didn't even notice him. u say hi while lance moves to let u take shiro’s order (best wingman ever). ya'll do the whole flirty thing and lance starts working on the drink while u both talk. u try to hang back and talk to him but people start filtering in and he says he's gotta get back to check on his brother

- as he's leaving and he says goodbye you hear lance yell "her number is on the cup !!" and u blush like crazy while he just crooks a smile and nods his thanks, things pick up after that and u forget what happened in the meantime

- the next day shiro calls u so u can save his number (this boy is bad af at texting- old man) and he tells u how he didn't wanna call u while u were still at work. he asks abt ur day and what ur plans r, if u enjoy ur job, etc. and it ends up being a decently long convo that just flows so naturally - it's rlly amazing and ur swooning. hard. 

- u try to give lance grief for doing that bc u were so nervous but ur on cloud 9 after the phone call that ur heart just isn't in it. 

- shiro’s phone calls regular and he still swings by the cafe after some of his runs but now when he gets his drink he hangs around longer. so even if u take a minute to finish up something for another customer he'll wait for u instead of just leaving like he did before. lance usually tries to cover for u, joking that once ya'll r finally together they won't be so nice. 

- which brings u to a serious dilemma: how will he ask u out ? or does he expect u to do it ? and ur nervous af bc he's amazing and ur a bit worried that ur not on his level but lance reminds u that he called u even when he wasn't obligated to and points out how shiro hangs back to talk to u which helps u feel a bit better 

- but right before ur gonna like super freak he comes in, not sweaty but like dressed rlly nice (and oh fuck, that nearly kills u bc he looks even better if that was even possible), and he orders his drink and talks to u but when things pick up he kinda sits at a table and casually hangs out. shiro goes on his phone, sometimes watches u make a drink and just generally hangs out. 

- side note: he's def like put thought into the outfit. he's got nice jeans and a button-up, with the sleeves rolled up which rlly hug his arms and show how strong he is. his hair is a little messy but the good kind, and he smells so good. he's def made an effort which kinda confuses u but ur also too busy drooling over how good he looks to seriously consider the implications

- it gets super empty around 9:30-ish and ya'll have to gear up to close at 11. eventually lance tells u to go 'clean tables' and talk to shiro a bit- ur p sure he’s up to smthn bc he has the same smirk he wears when he’s abt to beat u at one of the games ya'll play- so u wipe the dirty ones down before sitting at the little table where shiro is hanging out. 

- ya'll start talking and at one point the conversation falls into comfortable silence, just kinda watching the few cars go by, before he turns to u and gets ur attention 

- he tells u abt how when he first came in and he thought u were rlly cute, he comments on ur smile and how helpful u were. how he honestly wasn't a fan of the tea u suggested but he didn't wanna hurt your feelings so he drank it. he says he came back bc u were so sweet and he was instantly smitten. shiro tells u he's surprised u weren't annoyed by him taking up all ur time after u had made his drink and even tho u try to stop him he kinda shakes his head, gives u a small smile, and keeps going. i mean, shiro is here being rlly sweet and then he says he rlly likes u and he couldn't figure out a better way to ask u but he wants to take u on a real date, maybe not at a cafe tho lmao

- so ur kinda shocked but he doesn't pressure u, he says it's a choice u have to make and that he doesn't need an answer right away- even if u decide not to, he's 100% okay with it and when u realize shiro thinks there's even the slightest chance u'd reject him u shake ur head rlly aggressively

- obvi u tell him u wanna go on a date with him and he gives u this warm smile and then asks u abt something arbitrary, easing the conversation into smthn different and easier

- lance lets u guys talk for as long as they can before he actually needs ur help to close up. shiro apologizes a bunch but lance brushes it off. shiro promises to call u and leaves. 

- lance whispers "u owe me for helping u get dick" before ya'll part ways and u honestly can't even be that embarrassed bc the butterflies haven't gone away for a second

- he calls u to say goodnight and make sure u got home okay ofc

koda

[notailtheories]

NotailsAndMore Tweet Compilation 2

Last Compilation | Next Compilation

This section will contain the tweets that I consider make up Act 2. Because they are not actually from O-1, you could also consider them an intermission... But they still hold important information either way. OwO

This batch of tweets began a little over an hour after the last round stopped... Which isn’t a very long pause. You can most easily tell the difference because this person’s face is “TvT��� rather than “=)”, if you’re looking to track these from the Twitter itself... OwO

98 |

I passed out and I wake up to me being logged into this creepy ass notail fact account. Fuck off who did this? TvT

Reply to 8, & 99 |

hate to be a stickler for details but you didn't say a fact just a question tho i *would* like to know some notail facts about my dark past :D

Holy fuck. Look if you know me O-2 sir I just want you to know I did not make this account or tweeped at you, I just woke up to this. Who tweeps shit like this at an O-class? TvT

100, reply, & 102, reply, 108, reply, & 112 |

X-7364 if this was you and some of your shitty experiments I WILL strangle all of your dirty rats. These O classes could order my death for no reason. You even used my actual email to do this. They could figure out who I am! TvT

Your buddy even said "fuck you" to me. Now that guy's got some real claws. >:3 

I am so sorry O-6 sir. I had nothing to do with this but I will still apologize. Please forgive me, I'm ok if you don't forgive my friend and kill him though. TvT

Grovelling ain't pretty, you know. But hey, you ain't done anything, right? Maybe I'll let you go. >:3

You would be most kind if you let me go for words that were not my own. Thank you. TvT

I'll think about it. >:3

Thank you. That is all I ask, and all I am allowed to ask. TvT

Reply to 98, 101, reply, 109, reply, 113, reply, 114, reply, & 115, reply, 118, reply, 119, reply, 120, reply, 122, reply, 124, reply, 125, reply, & 126 |

lol u rly had me worried there sweetie :3 im still curious abt this whole thing if u want 2 help me find out abt it :3

I didn't write any of this! This has to be an X class prank. "Ha Ha, make your friend pass out, make an account with their email and possibly kill them by telling O-6 that you love them. So funny!" TvT

lmao u creeped out like every single o class tho i think thats kinda an achievement u should be proud of urself :3 whoever made this account was saying some really spooky stuff tho do u think it was just creepypasta or what :3

Please don't say I did it. I had nothing to do with this. I wouldn't contact the O classes, much less say such things to them, for they are most favorable to my survival. It was just some shitty prank. Some of the reactions are, strange, but that is no matter to me. TvT

watching u suck up 2 them is rly funny lol but kk babe i guess ill drop it :3 smh i thought this was something cool :3

I rather not relate "something cool" with angering the O classes but I understand. TvT

suckuuuuuuuup :3

I rather live a suck up than die for something I didn't do. TvT

how abt i give u smth else 2 suck on hot stuff :3

Look I don't even have a tweeper and I'm about to abandon this account and never touch it again. So my response to that is "um bye." TvT

i hate 2 see u leave but i love 2 watch u go :3

That's extremely holy and not ok. TvT

i hope ur not as disappointing in bed as ur friends failed arg was on tweeper :3

How could a notail raise so high to grace? TvT

u sure raise some things of mine baby :3

I would block you but I'm not going to be related to this account anymore, and if my friend logs back in I'm ok with him getting fucked over by your words. TvT

id prefer 4 u 2 to get fucked by me :3

Courtship between notails is not ok, but I suppose you know that. Just understand that "no." TvT

lol our society sux anyway i dont think its possible to pollute our gene pool more than its already fucked up babe :3

Ok well society gives me a roof over my head, food, and the time I got bit by a mallon I was experimenting on society fixed my arm before it rotted away. So we'll have to agree to disagree. TvT

lmao :3 the more u talk the more stupid and boring u seem :3

Says the notail who keeps going after clearly making me uncomfortable. But "sigh" I guess that's most people. TvT

ppl are funniest when theyre uncomfortable :3

Typical notail. You fit in just nicely. TvT

Original, 103, reply, & 105 |

@NotailsAndMore is it time for my 13 other facts?

Look it up yourself? Go read the Cosmosdex or something. I may be a K class but I'm not some fact machine. TvT

The what

Can you not look up basic and common terms? Geez look. http://cosmosdex.com/cosmosdex/ TvT

104, reply, & 107 |

X-7364 just walked in with coffee and called me a sleepy head. Said I passed out after intensely working on typing. Said I wouldn't respond to me when he had a question. He's lying, he knows he went overboard this time. TvT

You may want to improve your security. This could have ended very badly for you. :V

I will do what you recommended O-7 sir as you are most wise as all O classes are. I do have good security, I must have passed out so fast my computer didn't lock so my roommate and coworker decided to fuck with me. TvT

106, reply, 111, reply, & 117 |

I just checked the profile page to see if I could find some evidence of who did this. "i'm not sorry i told the truth when you didn't. no one deserves lies." The hell. If this is over lying about who ate the last pizza I'm going to be pissed. TvT

This went better for you than it could have mate, but I would recommend keeping closer guard over your belongings. Some of the other O-classes seem a bit agitated right now. uvu

Fully understood O-5, who kicks clockworks across the skies. I'll attempt to not pass out at my computer with my roommate around. TvT

The epithets aren't necessary mate. But maybe give your roommate a kick so they don't pull this again for good measure. uvu

I will make sure to give him a kick no matter how much he says he had nothing to do with this. Thank you for the advice O class. TvT

Original, & 110 |

@NotailsAndMore Once you figure out who did this, send me their ID number. Immediately. unu

I....think it's my roommate X-7364, but he's swearing the whole time this was going on I was working and refused to respond. I don't believe him but he sounds so serious about this. TvT

Reply to other party, & 116 |

Is there any way I can convince it to become a solid Yes? c:<

(Note: I won’t record this whole exchange because I don’t think it’s relevant... The context is O-8 is looking for who made this account. That’s all. OwO)

I know this is rude of me, and feel free to confirm this, but will you spare my roommate? He seems so honest in his pleads that he didn't do it.... He's the only one who could have done it, so it's him, but it seems like he regrets it deeply now. TvT

Original, 121, reply, 123, reply, & 127 |

I really am impressed by how many people they managed to unsettle in, what, an hour? uvu

Honestly as an X class he is naturally unsettling but I've never seen him act this badly. I wonder if I really ticked him off with the pizza thing. TvT

I've dealt with much worse than some X class...if it was just that then whatever...what does your friend know....OwO

I wish he would just admit it already. He said a few really odd things on this account and I have no idea where he's getting it from. Just. Fucking admit it X! Why is he being so rude to O classes you guys could KILL or BANISH us. TvT

It feels like something stranger is going on...OwO

It's just a stupid prank. A stupid prank that's now getting us basically evicted cause we can't stay here anymore. Stupid, stupid, prank. TvT

128, & 129 |

Ok this account is done. My roommate likely made this account as a laugh and somehow got the attention of the O classes. I'm sorry this happened even though I had nothing to do with it. I wish I could say my friend was sorry too but he's pissed off. TvT

Logging out, and never logging back in again. Yet again. Sorry for all the problems this account caused. Just unfollow this account. Bye. TvT

[ THIS ACCOUNT IS DEAD | Shitty prank by shitty roommate/friend who refuses to admit it | Will never be logging in ever again ]

Last Compilation | Next Compilation

[jelly-omelette]

Today I felt emotionally stable. I got a solid amount of work done even though I worked four out of eight hours. I had fun texting Jess. I want to call them hiro. I like flirting w them. Tho I would like to get to know them better. I don’t want to rush into anything and I wanna feel calm n comfortable around them. So far I am. I have yet to find out if we compliment eachother and if we will mesh. I think I just want to be myself around them and not worry too much abt labels or expectations. It’s good so far cuz I think we have common interests and shared hobbies like video games. So I def feel like we can bond as friends over that. And then maybe it’ll grow into something more or maybe it won’t. Kinda hard to know this early on. It’ll take time for me to feel comfortable opening myself up to them. I’m not gonna throw myself out there too soon and reveal all my cards. I’ll keep it reserved and wait for them to make some moves first. Seems p balanced so far. They said good morning to me n was initiating convo :3 so that made me happy. I’ve been doing a good job holding my infatuation back but also enjoying the rush of the moment. It made me said when hiro told me that they have neophobia, cuz I really like trying new things. And also I worry that their Coeliac disease might make sharing things more difficult since a lot of food has gluten. I like that they r pretty asian in terms of cleanliness and eating foods like natto and umeboshi. And they’re rly cute for sending me wiki articles of both those things haha. I was surprised to find out that hiro is 25 years old but I kinda glad bc I like more mature ppl. And I like how we talk in diff languages to eachother. I wonder what their friends r like. I hope they’re not all white cuz I’m scared of white ppl. I just don’t feel super comfortable around them bc they make me feel invalidated and so foreign. I think it’s cool they have a therapist cuz that’s something I’ve been thinking abt lately. Investing in mental and emotional health is always rly attractive. So are their hands hehe. It’s funny how we’re both kinda shy abt flirting w eachother. I’m not as forward as I usually am and I like that I don’t have to be to keep their attention :) and we also share a love and interest for art, which is something that is new to me that I’m really excited to experience. Cuz then we could paint stuff together and look at art museums together. But of course it all needs chemistry first. I wonder if we’ll have any physical chemistry when we meet in person. If it’ll be rly strong off the bat or be a slow buildup or maybe it won’t b there at all and we’ll feel super comfy w eachother. I wonder what our love languages will be. I feel like it’s easy to communicate love w other Asians even if they’re only half asian bc they understand both the American and asian perspectives. They thought I was 19 lol. Oh and we also both climb, that’s gonna b really really cool if we actually have good chemistry and friendship. They’re kinda shy and hard to talk to on phone tho. I hope that’ll change over time. I didn’t like how hiro called my island bald and was saying that I was leaving trash on her island >:( not nice. But other than that they seem kind and encouraging. Can’t believe I told her I’m attracted to the thought of their nice hands embracing me tenderly and they weren’t weirded out about it :D that means I can dial it down a notch which will definitely make me feel a little bit more stable and not afraid of being ghosted or it not being mutual. I’m curious abt their family dynamic and what it was like for them growing up w unmarried and mixed parents. I want to ask that but I’ll save it for later. I’m also curious about their pronouns and if they would feel dysphoric if I referred to them as my gf. BUT that can wait cuz I mean we’re not dating and I don’t wanna rush or scare them w the dtr talk. They seem pretty open tho so I feel pretty comfortable. They like olives also and actual legit lavender flavor. That’s attractive.

At first I had some traumatic flashbacks of jenna bc they reminded me of her. Strangely kinda similar. Jenna isn’t half asian, but she was adopted by white parents. Also her parents had an unconventional dynamic, the dad was a widow bc the mom took her life and the dad married a new person. Oh also hiro has tattoos and kinda dressed like her. But hiro seems more reserved and emo and I like that, and into video games. I rly rly like that :) and culture and art. I like I like. And rly studious. Me like hehe. And also gender queer. I also like hehe. And dorky n shy and playful. Def bonus attraction :D I p confident we’d get a long as friends. Def wanna solidify that first before doing anything beyond that. But ya I would definitely get in bed w them hehehe. They’re rly cute.

Anyway about my day I also practiced guitar for like two hours, played animal crossing w hiro, and hung out w EG friends. That was the highlight of my day. I rly miss em. We watched shrek and played some jack box. That was good. I had a lot of laughs. :) then I started questioning my feelings and the way that I love ray is related to the slogan from the half of it. “Not every love story is a romance”. Cuz I love that guy to death and at one point I had like mini moments where I’d really want to cuddle him or like be physical w him, but I think I just rly rly love how much he’s helped me grow as a person and supported me and allowed me to be honest w him about everything and anything. I really want to apply all the positivity and thoughtfulness I’ve learned from him to my everyday approach to life. I feel like I’ve gone from a really depressing person to someone who is still depressed but very excited and positive about life at the same time. And no longer had to desperately search for external validation or guess about whether or not I deserve love. I just don’t question it anymore who decides to give me love and who doesn’t. I feel very grateful for my friends and my financial situation, my own place and freedom and awesome coworker rex. I feel grateful that I’m still in touch with sean, kara, dixie, aish, my swe friends, Jon, and I get to have awesome conversations abt politics and feminism and funny memes w people everyday. Also my brother and my mom, eh for my dad. And also natalie and my brother who have been there since day 1. I can’t wait to explore what else is in store for me for the future and move on wo th my life. I’m excited to explore my relationship w hiro and see what I can offer and what they can offer. I hope they see value in my abilities to be emotionally sensitive, make delicious food, be methodical and logical and clean, and also have stability and boundaries and good articulate communication. I want to work on being less defensive and being more kind to myself. Not doubting when people show me affection and not questioning when ppl do nice things for me. My perspective on life and fervor to do the right thing. I want to finish my list of tv shows and movies and make some bomb ass paintings. Oh also the fact that I got closure w my ex and we’re on good terms now and they’re gonna hook me up w some film gigs :D I rly hope hiro isn’t the jealous type that gets insecure and makes assumptions abt my relationships w other ppl. I’m still scared from my relationship w bianca and paranoid abt doing the wrong thing and not having my boundaries respected. Not having my voice heard or believed. I want to see if it’s worth it to go all in first before I do. Bianca def dived in head first super super soon. Like our first date we kissed and she slept over. And I was pressured into doing it w her even when I hesitated. That was such a meh thing and sign I should’ve realized it. But my self esteem was so low I think I was unable to value my own feelings and be there for myself when I needed myself to stand up for my feelings. I hope that I can improve my social anxiety and be more kind to myself and respect myself more. I’m doing a p good job so far w that whole situation w my dad. Just keeping my distance so I can keep my sanity cuz I care about myself enough to not compromise myself for his shittiness. I love this time I get to reflect on myself. I really really love it. I feel so free. I can’t wait to talk to hiro tmrw

[transbcyfriend]

Every Question >:3

well Shit ig now bc i’m Required By Law to answer these i gotta

1. Think of the last person who said I love you, do you think they meant it?

yes – and god am i grateful.

2. Would you date an 18-year-old at the age you are now?

i mean i’m 18 so uhhhhhhhhh yeah

3. When’s the last time you were aggravated and happy at the same time?

…yesterday? the day before?

4. Would you ever smile at a stranger?

i do it all the time at work so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

5. Is there someone mad because you’re dating/talking to the person you are?

i wouldn’t say mad.

6. Have you heard a song that reminds you of someone today?

too many to count!

7. What exactly are you wearing right now?

a legend of zelda hoodie and a wild patterned set of lounge pants from pink republic. i haven’t changed in several days i’m uh Sick

8. How often do you listen to music?

if i don’t do it every single day it’s scientifically proven i’ll shrivel up and die

9. Do you wear jeans or sweats more?

jeans. jeans definitely.

10. Do you think your life will change dramatically before 2013?

it did at the time, and not for the better. fuck that shit

11. Are you a social or an antisocial person?

mmMMMMMmMMM depends on the situation?? if i’m like clocked in at work, if i’m somewhere i actively enjoy, or on The Web™, i’m social, but otherwise i don’t rlly interact with ppl hnfngnf

12. Have you ever kissed someone whose name begins with the letter ‘A’?

not yet.

13. What about ‘R’?

nope!

14. Can you drive a stick shift?

can i get a FUCK NO

15. Do you care if people talk badly about you?

depends on the person. someone i’m close to and like? yes. someone who i’m not close to and dislike? nah.

16. Are you going out of town soon?

nope.

17. When was the last time you cried?

mmmmMMMMMM a few days ago? few days ago.

18. Have you ever told someone you loved them?

yes.

19. If you could change your eye color, would you?

HMMMM y’know i don’t think i would, mine are like ?? hazel and ppl make comments abt them being diff colors n shit in certain lights sometimes and i Like That so

20. Is there a boy who you would do absolutely everything for?

in fact, yes! i would uh Die For Him

21. Name something you dislike about the day you’re having.

i’m sick and can’t breathe

22. Is it cute when guys kiss you on your forehead?

YOU KNOW I BE ON THAT GAY SHIT !!!!!

23. Are you dating the last person you talked to?

nope

24. What are you sitting on right now?

a wooden chair

25. Does anyone regularly (other than family) tell you they love you?

yep!

26. Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have?

oh yeah. god yeah.

27. Who was the last person you talked to before you went to bed last night?

@lazybones25 

28. Do you get a lot of colds?

no, not rlly. last time i got sick was … sophmore year of hs? junior year? i don’t remember.

29. Where is the shirt you are wearing from?

it was a gift from my buddy bri

30. Does anyone hate you?

there’s at least one i can think of off the top of my head, soooooo yeah

31. Do you have any empty alcohol bottles hidden somewhere in your room?

noooo, me? drink? me, a consumer of alcohol. ur pullin’ my leg, i don’t drink

32. Do you like watching scary movies?

i’m just Meh on it bc most movies nowadays are so played out and predictable that they’re just not scary to me

33. Do you want your tongue pierced?

kinda, yeah. it’s an on/off want, still deciding.

34. If you had to delete one year of your life completely, which would it be?

just one? fuck. any of the years between being 13-16.

35. Did you have a dream last night?

actually i did! i had a dream i lost my job bc one of my managers was in a bad mood and was basically like “well u should’ve thought more abt your career than ur education, ur fired since u wanna go 2 college, can’t change ur hours”

36. When was the last time you told someone you loved them?

few hours ago.

37. Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years?

mmmm … unlikely.

38. Do you think someone has feelings for you?

yep.

39. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?

i’d hope so! don’t gotta be, but it’d be cute and i’d Like That

40. Did you have a good day yesterday?

it was ok – i spiraled into being sick, but it was ok

41. Think back 2 months ago; were you in a relationship?

yeah

42. In the next 48 hours, will you hang out with a girl?

unlikely.

43. Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you?

yep.

44. What’s the best part about school?

mmm mM MM prolly just making friends w/ ppl in ur classes. that, and just how chill the professors are. 

45. Do you have any pictures on your Facebook?

fun fact – i don’t have a facebook.

46. Do you ever pass notes to your friends in school?

fuck yeah my guy

47. Do you replay things that have happened in your head?

way too often

48. Were you single over the last summer?

nope.

49. Is your life anything like it was two years ago?

absolutely not and god i’m rlly happy abt that

50. What are you supposed to be doing right now?

looking when college classes start again but i Don’t Wanna

51. Do you hate the last guy you had a conversation with?

i’d be lying to ur face if i said yes

52. Are you nice to everyone?

i try to be – some ppl tho, i just. can’t. there’s reasonable salt.

53. Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to?

yep!

54. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat?

i’ve done it before, i don’t see why not.

55. Are you good at hiding your feelings?

when the situation calls for it, i’d like to think so

56. Do you think you like someone?

mhmm

57. Have you kissed someone whose name starts with a ‘J’?

…… y’know i don’t think i have! that’s surprising i’ve kissed a lotta ppl

58. Do you prefer to be friends with girls or boys?

tbh p much the only ppl i tend to never rlly make friends with are cis guys. there’s rare exceptions, but the vast majority of my buddies are either cis girls or trans/nonbinary/etc.

59. Has anyone of your friends ever seen you cry?

yep – a few of them. not many, but a few.

60. Do you hate anyone?

i wouldn’t say hate, but there’s a couple of ppl i severely dislike.

61. How’s your heart?

atm? better. better than usual, i’m rlly glad abt that

62. Is there something that happened in your past that you hate talking about?

anytime from being 12-17

63. Have you ever cried over a guy?

yeah.

64. Who is probably talking a load of crap about you right now?

i ain’t gonna say names buuuuuuut Someone I Know

65. Are your toenails painted pink?

they’re painted a dark wine red actually, i uh got bored

66. Will your next kiss be a mistake?

best decision of my life, if anything

67. Girls love it when boyfriends cry; correct?

from my own Personal Experience, kinda? i mean every person i’ve been w/ kinda likes it bc it’s like, i’m letting my walls down and letting them in, so i mean ig

68. Have your pants ever fallen down in public?

thankfully no!

69. Who was the last person you were on the phone with?

@lazybones25

70. How do you look right now?

surprisingly decent for feeling icky

71. Do you have someone you can be your complete self around?

just two – but i’m content w/ that.

72. Can you commit to one person?

under the right circumstances, ya – otherwise i gotta dip

73. Do you have someone of the opposite sex you can tell everything to?

my roommate @stasiroowho

74. Have you ever felt replaced?

can i get a Hell Yeah and It Hurts

75. Did you wake up cranky?

no, i just woke up wanting attention and feeling Blah

76. Are you a jealous person?

hhMHMhmMMHMHM depends ?? ? ? if we’re talking from a relationship perspective, like i don’t give a shit if the other person wants to like, make a shitton of buddies and like actually Have A Life, that’s good, but when it comes to like, romance specifically? then i’m just. m i n e

77. Are relationships ever worth it?

very rarely, but some are and god is it so fucking satisfying in every aspect

78. Anyone you’re giving up on?

yeah.

79. Currently wanting to see anyone?

can i get a HOOYAHHHH

80. Name something you have to do tomorrow?

go to the apartment and uh Feed Cats

81. Last person you cried in front of?

do i rlly gotta @ my homeboi ash a 3rd time

82. Is there someone you will never forget?

in a good way or a bad way?

83. Do you think the person you have feelings for is protective of you?

yeee – in a good way tho

84. If the person you wish to be with were with you, what would you be doing right now?

probably either just chillin’ watching netflix and eating chips/popcorn, or gettin’ heated while also shotgunning that good good

85. Are you over your past?

CAN I GET A FUCK NO

86. Have you ever liked one of your best friends of the opposite sex?

yeah

87. Is there anyone you can tell EVERYTHING to?

just two! and two’s a good number, i’m happy w/ that.

88. If your first true love knocked on your door with apology and presents, would you accept?

i’d immediately murder him on the spot. i’d still take the gifts off his corpse tho bc hey Free Shit

89. So, the last person you kissed just happens to arrive at your door at 3AM; do you let them in?

ya – i do trust that one, he made me breakfast one time so i wouldn’t burn my own house down, he a tru homie

90. Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated?

uuuhhhhhhh-huh

91. Will you be in a relationship in 2 months?

highly likely

92. Is there anyone you know with the name Michael?

i used to! he was the Popular Kid™ back in high school, who fuckin’ knows where he’s at now

93. Have you ever kissed a Matthew?

when i was like 4, yeah, we were each other’s childhood crush so uh shrugs

94. Were you in a relationship in January? How was it going?

nope! things were getting heavy, but no relationship yet.

95. Were you happy with the person you liked in March?

absolutely.

96. Don’t tell me lies, is the last person you texted attractive?

hmmmmmmmmaybe

97. Who do you have texts from?

in general? my mom, ash, 3 coworkers, one of my managers, my one tru buddy from the womb @infinitelycastiel, and my buddy lynette.

98. If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say?

i mean ?? i’d b upset, i’d b depressed, i’d b a lil torn up abt it, but i ain’t gonna stop whatever happens from happening. not my choice to

99. Have you ever kissed someone older than you?

ya – not too much older, but ya

100. Who’s in your profile picture with you?

AAAAAAAALL BY MY, SEEEEEEEEEE-EEEE-EEEEEEEEELF

101. Ever kissed under fireworks?

fun fact: no

102. Has anybody ever given you butterflies?

yEP

[unproduciblesmackdown]

yall ive had some shit this shift...i got lectured and vaguely threatened for having to pee a lot which was coz i drink stuff thruout the day like coffee and tea which is Pee City and since ive been on deliveries steadily all day ill be gone on that for ages and have to pee when i get back as well as the other shit i do. like i was literally this afternoon joking w coworkers who are actually cool to me abt how i can be at work for hours before people who have been in the store the whole tkme will realize im even there coz im a) out on deliveries most of the time, like for real if its a busy lunch period i can be at work for 2-3 hrs and actually be in the store 10-20 min and b) when im here im moving around actually doing shit and people have always been saying how its hard to get ahold of me coz im always going around doing shit and thats another reason people dont realize im here and c) people just dont notice me so like today my freakin bad i had to pee a lot coz my only comforting routine in this place besides constant disassociation is working my way thru a drink and i happen to like both coffee and tea even tho it does make me pee and sometimes i get the coffee dumps, truth. so today since ive been in and out on deliveries the whole time and i havent been talking to anyone since none of the people who notice me were much here and since ive been moving around the store since im actually doing shit, i get yelled at for using the bathroom too much.... like i get the issue of people who give themselves Bathroom Breaks which realistically we all do but sometimes people do it too long or whatever and like yeah while im taking a shit i will check my twitter or make a shitpost or something, like we all use our phones throughout the day including the managers and im not gonna feel bad for doing that but i am not thrilled w being accused of using the bathroom needlessly when im using it coz i need to use it....and like not like i can prove im peeing every time coz i'd be glad to give you a urine sample every time but they prob dont want that.... anyways whats real good is how i was just talking the other day about how this one delivery driver who's been here forever and was just given like acknowledgement for being a good employee, i was talking w someone about how like he doesn't actually do shit, and i was like i try desperately to ignore him but now that you mention it i never see him doing anything really? and like if you ask him to do some basic shit we're Supposed to do he wont or he'll ask someone else to do it. and today he was here and when we were slow and i was like washing tables and taking dishes and making coffee I actually paid attention to him and he definitely would just like stand by the computer even tho we had no new orders and then walk to a different spot and then go back to the computer and then walk energetically somewhere else and i think a couple times i saw him carry a few dishes to the sinks. and he's fine and im doing shit and getting lectured for causing issue for not doing my work like granted this was from the same manager who once made me mad for getting on me for Slacking Off coz i was leaning on the bread slicer, which i was leaning on coz i was trying to read the order info on the computer next to it, and was also happy about because i was doing a lot of work that day more than even usual. and another driver complained about her doing that exact same thing aka complaining about Leaning when the driver had been working hard and i was like yep ive had that happen too like now i essentially cant use the bathroom because the fact that i keep myself busy means that most people, who have a tendency to not notice my presence even if i AM standing right there, legit dont know im there and nobody sees me doing any work coz they dont see me coz im doing god damn work........ im annoyed coz like i can think of maybe seven other employees who distinctly notice me and are cool with me and im cool with them, and most other employees are fine and decent to me and stuff but theres a couple people who are shitty including this one guy who just now was talking with this dude who i thought was a decent guy? and they were kind of making fun of me and i went up to the decent guy like hey i was actually right over there and totally heard you guys, coz i was not in the mood, and he just brushed me off and i was like fantastic. plus for some reason the manager who fussed at me decided to do it all formally right before i had to go on a delivery, and so i didnt get enough time to say everything on my mind about my Problems with the fact that this was occurring which i was absolutely going to do in full on account of i think its bullshit and im no longer in the mood in my general life to act like i think that kind of bs is warranted, but before i could talk about it long enough i felt like id said everything i wanted to, she was like ok u gotta go on the delivery and im like you still havent given me that $60 you forgot to cash me out and you're allowed to say what you want and i cant respond? i get that mgmt is bullshit and i had just been talkingn about how mgmt is bs a couple days ago but i just dont care for me personally i am going to answer back. and because of being abused all my life a lot of times i have an automatic response to these kind of situations where i try to speak back and the stress just naturally makes me cry and then i gotta be like sorry im crying its a physiological reflex i earned for being alive. and now that you rushed me out to make a delivery i have to be trying not to cry at work, and extend my cryish period by having to try holding it back, and also extend it on account of im still got damnt pissed about it like god knows im not one to praise myself beyond reason but im a good worker here and ironically that means people might not ever notice it and I've definitely never heard a good word from management about anything i do since i dont even know when and instead i get in trouble coz one day i have to pee, coz other days i also have to pee coz i have established one comforting habit to get through customer service bs where i get weird treatment from other coworkers at least once a day usually and sometimes dont even have a work friend around and so my fucking bad i have coffee i guess like apparently my fuckin problem is that im both quiet almost all the time and keep to myself but also sometimes joke with people or say something to them at all just to be nice coz other coworkers are quiet and dont get shit from people or are always in a less than warm mood and dont get shit about it. i close tomorrow aka there for 10-11 hrs but at least a coworker im work friends with and who has a similar demeanor is around for most of it or i swear to christ. hopefully i ever deliver to someplace with a fucking bathroom coz i guess i cant god damn use ours anymore without being monitored coz im not a good enough worker natcho like i just dont know how im supposed to have my bladder on trial and if managers are only noticing that i pee more than them and not that i do work all day and extend myself to help out when things get dicey, well then like if nobody sees it i sure dont have proof i did it other that remember that time we had a massive dinner rush and i stayed an hr past my shift and was not only the sole person taking food to the tables but also taking dishes back and washing tables and restocking junk in the dining room, no you don't remember because nobody was working beside me and so as far as everyone else knows i did nothing and so anyways too theres nothing for someone with anxiety who worries about being monitored and judged like telling me ive been monitored and judged and now i cant pee anymore, that'll teach me to give myself one nice thing thru-out the day. i also dont have anything to rely on to comfort me after something shitty at work and tragically work is most of my socialization and most of the only thing i "do" and i feel like im being treated kind of crap for the fact that i do put in effort every day to be helpful around there. like thanks that i have to bite the inside of my mouth now coz im trying not to stress / angry cry coz i have nowhere to put it. like i dont care if this manager thinks this shit is part of the job like i deal with enough shit in life right now to Not be angry about this. like boy you guys are really making it hard to think about having to leave this store when i haul off to a different area in just a bit and i honestly dont know about the fact that some people especially this one guy who is just a dick to like everybody keep saying shit comments about me coz they cant see me and im like fuck off. like im honestly sick of it and im sitting on the fact that this dude also has said racist crap ive been an audio witness too and said something racist about a coworker to her face and she told me about it like. management is part of what i'm mad at right now but if im getting narced on for the fact coffee and tea go right thru me then i think i have a complaint here whenever the next time he says some shit is like when i'm here i honestly keep to myself and try to be doing work whenever we need work done and apparently thats why im now getting shit and sorry this post exists and is so long but im real peeved and the only way to put a long rant from me about shit anywhere is to put it here