#i actually don’t know what any of these drawings mean
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trans!curly / jimcurly / mdni
In all ways Curly is someone who Jimmy wants to be.
He’s kind, he’s handsome, he’s a leader, and people respect him. He knows what to say and when to say it, and others listen to him like how a dog listens to a master. Curly doesn’t even demand esteem, he just gets it, and it pisses Jimmy off.
It’s been that way for a while, and all Jimmy can do is stomach it. He doesn’t know what happened, what strings Curly had to pull, but he tugged those strings and is now sitting pretty on his pedestal looking down from his rosy spot onto the other crew members– onto Jimmy.
The worst part about it is that Curly isn’t even a man, or at least not one in the technical sense. Jimmy remembers when he was a scrawny little girl with poofy long blonde hair that his mom wouldn’t allow him to straighten or cut. He remembers Curly’s braces, and how he would mispronounce words and stumble over his sentences. He remembers the skirts he had to wear because he wasn’t allowed to wear pants, or anything “revealing” for that matter that wasn’t what his stuffy fucking Pentecostal parents approved of.
They met at a church that Jimmy didn’t attend with a chain link fence surrounding the perimeter overlooking a busted white trash trailer park. His mom used to talk shit about that church and how fake everyone is, how they will say “bless your heart” to her when she was on the front porch hitting the glass pipe right before CPS showed up in Jimmy’s front lawn with a nosy cop the next day.
“Remember when my mom used to have a nasty meth addiction and get so addled that she’d accuse us of stealing her spoons?” Jimmy says off handedly one day in the cockpit.
“I don’t think she liked me much,” Curly muses, brow puckering. “Then again I don’t think she liked anyone.”
Jimmy leans over in his chair, his brows creeping up his forehead. “No, she didn’t. I think the meth fried her brain,” he says. “The only time she didn’t do meth was when she was pregnant with me.”
Curly looks over, a smirk playing on his lips. “What did she do instead?”
Jimmy’s face fell, but he played it off. Curly didn’t mean anything by it, maybe. He definitely did, actually. Jimmy crosses his arms, affronted. So much for playing it off.
Sometimes Jimmy’s emotions got the better of him like now, but he can’t help the visceral annoyance that creeps up in him like an invasive vine.
“You fucker,” Jimmy spits. “She wasn’t clean, as you know. I don’t know why you had to go there, but heroin.”
Curly’s eyes flit over to Jimmy, expression apologetic in its own manipulative way. He hates how Curly wilts at any backlash; it’s pathetic in how he behaves like a kicked mutt at any ounce of criticism.
Maybe he’s a little too hard, maybe. Whatever, Curly can just deal with it.
“I… didn’t know. Sorry. I was just joking”–
“Shitty joke,” Jimmy states flatly. “Don’t know why we can’t have a conversation where you don’t make a comment at my expense. It’s kind of annoying.”
Curly’s mouth draws into a taut line, obviously affected by the weight of Jimmy’s words and how they land so heavily on his shoulders. He twists the knife regardless.
They’ve always been that way together, and Curly has always been too sensitive for his own good. Too appeasing, placating. He has never told Jimmy no nor has he ever defended himself. Jimmy thinks his leadership is ill-placed because even if he is well respected and people listen to him, he’s a big fucking pushover. It’s goddamned irritating.
He found that out when they were kids, when Curly forked over his sour gummies because Jimmy threatened to beat his nose in with a rock. Not once did he claim that Jimmy couldn’t hit a girl, nor did Curly ever use any method of defense. He gave up just like that.
Curly is the same now as he was then.
Jimmy sighs, arms unraveling. “Relax. I’m not mad or anything. Don’t get so worked up over something so trivial.”
Curly deflates. He drags his hand down his face, smoothing out the lines of exhaustion that creases his skin around his nose. Dark circles paint his eyes from lack of sleep, his normally bright blue gaze dull and lacking life.
“I guess I’m more sensitive than I normally am. I haven’t slept well at all since we’ve disembarked, maybe averaging one to two hours of sleep a night.” Curly explains himself to Jimmy. It’s another compulsive habit of his, one that makes Jimmy’s heart swell.
He likes that he can wiggle his fingers in the cracks of Curly’s otherwise pristine surface. Curly is riddled with small, hairline cracks, and Jimmy knows exactly how to chip away at his vulnerabilities.
Jimmy will claw his way up Curly’s pedestal and drag him down to his level.
“You need to relax, Captain,” Jimmy presses. He takes Curly’s hand off the center console, holding it in his own rough, calloused palm as his heavy lidded gaze lingers on his friend.
Curly drags his hand out of Jimmy’s grasp and stretches. “I don’t know how to relax,” he says. It isn’t a complaint, but the truth.
In all actuality, as Jimmy knows, Curly is a tightly wound ball of anxiety. During their more intimate moments when there weren’t eyes and ears trained on them, Curly has said so himself.
Only the cockpit and sleeping chambers lack cameras. Jimmy swivels his chair, now facing the door.
“I can help you relax,” Jimmy says, turning his thoughts over in his head. “If you’ll let me, that is. If you won’t shy away like you always do. If you won’t deny me like you did when we were shitty hormonal teenagers.”
Curly’s face flares pink.
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📳
#rise of the tmnt#rottmnt fanart#rottmnt#my art#“ kisa” is “what” in haitian creyol#i actually don’t know what any of these drawings mean#but look it’s me!#please notice the hands :D im proud of em#why is that urm guy glowing
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This is for @bluepeachstudios ‘s Ghost in a Shell. It’s really good you should read it.
I looked at exactly one picture of Jupiter Jim and went “yeah this should be enough to draw him.” I will not be answering if it actually was
Have some bonus content under the cut!
And sketches
(I love any character who can say “I don’t want to go back to prison” it’s like the funniest thing to me)
#i don’t know what compelled me to hand write that text. it’s not very good#we just don’t do things the easy way here. that’s why I render with an app on my phone. i don’t believe in simplicity#i had a plan for a lot more full body shots but then I couldn’t find any good lair references so I decided to screw it#I’ve never drawn rise characters before. this is my first time drawing them and expressions wow#I’m not very good at style copying and my default is so much rounder than rise is so that was just a woof#i should say all text in these shit posts aren’t canon at all. you can figure out where they likely take place yes#but they never show up in story#just a little fyi incase anyone decides to check it out#the entire inspiration for this post was just watching 2003 and going#WHAT DO YOU MEAN THEY DID THAT??#ghost causally dropping the most wild facts about his life has like endless shit post potential#yeah I went to space. stole a ship. went to jail. aided a fugitive. held a dictator at gunpoint#and folks that’s just one arc. go watch 2003#i debated making angst as it is likely more currently topical but I’m a shit poster at heart#chapter 29. how we feeling boys? I’m actually doing rather well. i think just the fact the build up is over and I’m so tired I no longer#have emtions I’m just pumped for the next chapter whoo!#i started to lose mojo very fast while doing this but I wanted to finish today so I did. i hope it’s not too obvious#yeah anyways go read ghost in a shell#go watch 2003#go read ghost in a shell#i’m gonna go to bed now#ghost in the shell#teenage mutant ninja turtles#tmnt 2003#tmnt 2018#fan fiction recommendations#fan art of a fan fic#rottmnt#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles#teenage mutant ninja turtles 2003
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Realised it’s @khoc-week so even though I don’t have the energy to do it daily have this I did a while ago but never posted.
Arxeht my beloved. They came to me in a dream where I was a replica (of multiple people but looked most like Vidar) made by apprentice Nort/Xemnas, who was the fifteenth member of the organisation and also had my knowledge of hit video games Kingdom Hearts and kept getting randomly thrown through space and time.
#khocweek2024#kh oc#kh ocs#kingdom hearts oc#kingdom hearts original character#Arxeht#blue boi draws#kingdom hearts#kh#Arxeht my beloved I love them#Apprentice Nort started making them to help figure out memories and based them on people he’d get glimpses of in dreams#but he got distracted and only came back and finished them/woke them up around the beginning of Days after Xion#meaning they are theoretically younger then Xion and Roxas but with the way they act and view the others they’re older#they woke up sorta all at once unlike Roxas and Xion. they also have basic knowledge about General Like that the kiddos lack#also their knowledge of how the game plays out is from the perspective of someone who played the games.#like they’d know the ‘press triangle for Sora’ meme and the differences between CoM and ReCoM and refer to time periods by their game name#also VERY AWARE that most kh games are tragedies and desperately trying to change that despite not really having the power to do so#Arxeht is shit at fighting but is saved from getting injured by any time they’re about to get hit it triggers a jump through time/space#and the jumps can be really far and in fast succession. they start a jump in twilight town and are thrown through Daybreak Town#and like two other worlds until they settle and fef a chance to breathe. its handy because they wont die but jumps can happen#in the middle of a conversation or while they’re trying to get somewhere in particular and then suddenly they’re ten years in the past#in a whole different world. it sucks.#can you tell the dream they came from was a stress dream? 90% of what I remember from it was running around trying to get to Xion and Roxas#and keep them safe. the other 10% was the org not knowing what to think of Arx and Xemnas being weird#Arxeht is heart + x in a reflection of Xehanort being no heart + x btw. that did not come from the dream I made it awake#Xemnas was weird he had a very distant vaguely amused view on everything Arxeht was doing I don’t think he ever thought of them as a threat#unlike Xigbar who was concerned which is fair because Arxeht knew he was Luxu and about MoM and stuff#the time jumps can get really long as well but tend to avoid kh era?? days onwards and bbs and before is fair game but they dont actually#meet Sora until kh2.#their main power is information. they know who people are and what’s going on and they are constantly trying to tell people during the
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Knightfall in Dream Land - Page 4
Meta Knight shares what it was like to grow up being raised by Nightmare.
#Kirby#Kirby fanart#my art#comic#Meta Knight#Nightmare#sorry this page took me so long to finish I’ve been really busy with grad school stuff and was at a conference last month#but it’s finally here and page five shouldn’t take me as long to finish as this page did#the comic is mostly centered around the game lore and not the anime lore but I did borrow a little bit from the anime#this might be a dumb question but do any other Kirby fans have voice headcanons for the characters?#by voice headcanons I mean what do you think they’d sound like if they had voiced dialogue#for Meta Knight and Dedede I think they’d just sound like they do in the anime since those voices are so iconic lol#I know that Nightmare also speaks in the anime but I don’t really like his anime voice#I’m showing that I’m a Trekkie with this lmao but my voice headcanon for Nightmare is that he’d sound like Ricardo Montalban#Montalban died in 2009 but he was famous for playing Khan in Star Trek he was so good in that villain role#but that was in the 1960s and 1980s so if you aren’t a Star Trek fan you might not be familiar with him#he also plays the grandpa in Spy Kids though and I think he was also in Kim Possible#I actually see a lot of parallels between Kirby and Star Trek lol but maybe that’s just me and no one else sees it#I’m developing an idea for a Susie redemption arc comic that I want to draw when I finish Knightfall in Dream Land#and if I do eventually draw it it’s going to be very heavily influenced by Star Trek/there will be lots of Star Trek references in it#Planet Robobot as a game basically is just a Star Trek episode lmao it has the same plot as every Borg episode from Star Trek#so I think referencing Star Trek in a comic centered around Susie would make sense#Knightfall in Dream Land
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Just a fuckton variety of Skip n Norm doodles. *points* I like the sluge…
#my art#described#LONG TAGS WARNING#dimension 20#dimension 20 a starstruck odyssey#a starstruck odyssey#norman takamori#skip takamori#prince valdrinor#and others but the main focus is on these two and I don’t wanna spam lol#I’ve decided to rewatch Starstruck and I’m so glad I did. I LIKE THIS SEASONNNNNN ITS GOOD#think I’ve mentioned it but if I haven’t - I like to draw the slugs with eyes just to make emoting them a lil easier! to go with canon I hc-#-they can’t actually see through their eyes; they’re more for enhancing their psychic/life-sensing abilities. but they still can’t see.#there’s smth about the fact that Skip spent so long in cold and darkness that gets me. like good lrd let me hug the slug#and I can’t hug the slug so I’m making Norman do it HWBDJSBSJ#I like those two learning to be soft with each other but I also wanna draw more of them being unbearable assholes to each other too.#mutual ‘I cannot believe I’m stuck with you. why this.’ WHEHDJ#Skip likes Norman’s body and he stubbornly doesn’t want to be in any other crew members’. Norman honestly feels pressured to stay bcus of-#-skip and essentially feels he kinda. can’t leave because that would mean Skip doesn’t have a host. and he knows what the crew has done to-#-remedy this before.#(which Skip actually tells the crew like. don’t do that shit again. either Norman is awake and cognizant and can agree to hosting skip or-#-skip stays outside of the body. no more knocking the man unconscious please and thank you.)#((which is a kind thought and a step in the right direction but it does result in a lot of situations like with the first pic. they start-#-fighting and can’t agree and Skip leaves to give Norman some space. but he also actively refuses to put himself in anyone else’s body. so-#-skip is Just Kinda Sitting There while he and Norman try n work things out without resulting to just Taking Over The Body.))#I imagine their relationship takes a lot of work. and I’d like to show that but I also like to skip to the part where theyre besties LMAO#anyway LONG LONG TAGS IT FEELS LIKE ITS BEEN AWHILE SINCE A CHARACTERS MADE ME WANNA WRITE LONG TAGS. excellent.#skipperskip
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HI TUMBLRR it’s me
#I ate ramen just now it was soooo god I think ramen is just it just is better after 10pm#im right#ughhh ok that actually reminded me earlier my classmate was making an Asian people eat dogs joke like he put on this awful accent and he wa#all like ‘dog tastes so good with rice’ and then he did other stuff too#but what really made me upset is that someone who I thought was my friend found it really humorous! wow okay!#I know it’s not really a big deal but im still kind of sad like I’ve lost all my respect for you now#anddd they were my only friend in the class so now I’m stuck there for the rest of the semester I guess . I mean I’ll still be nice to them#but I just don’t think I can bring myself to like them anymore sorryyy . not really . but kind of#idk if I’m overreacting . in elementary school though people would make jokes actually about me eating dog and it always made me really sad#but I never held it against them cause we were children#but now I feel like you’re old enough to know what you’re laughing at..#wow ok this really derived away from me being on tumblr and having just ate the worlds best ramen#well . not really I mean it was good but I’m allergic to normal noodles and I need to eat rice noodles and they’re not bad I just don’t lik#them as much Lol#I feel like my actual posts say nothing but if anyone ever reads the tags they probably know everything about me..#I use tumblr to complain half the time loll and I used to post my drawings more but I haven’t made any good drawings recently😭😭😭BUT WAIT!#i have a comic I’ll post in October we’ll see how far I am in it by then…#im like . halfway done with chapter oneeeee so maybe like I’ll post all of chapter one on hallowern.. how does that sound… cause actually#for those of you who don’t know my story has ghosts in it#im like trying to keep it a little silly right now but the tone might shifftttt idk!!!!! we’ll seeeeeeee cause actually I have NOT worked#out the entire plot.. just like. most of it.#but I keep having ideas like midway through ughhh it’s an endless cycle!!!!!#like Francis . she used to be a random character who shows up once but then I was like . wait no! anjali should have ghost friends! and tha#that’s how Francis came to be#and actually today I kind of finalized her design^_^ albeit in my math notebook lol
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i genuinely need to be put down like a dog i cant do this anymore man holy shit
#yall dont know the meaning of terminally online til u meet me#i hate myself so much its not even funny i am the most miserable worthless scum#my sleep schedule is 7am to 3pm all i do all day is rot on the couch and sometimes draw if i have a drop of motivation#depression is completely kicking my ass and im not even fighting back i give up what the fuck man#theres not even a point for me to keep trying i just want to stop feeling such deep despair 24/7 please#i dont want to die i just want the pain to stop so i can peacefullylive out the rest of this year before i turn 18 and its all over for good#but i cant even have that! im just gonna suffer the whole time thanks great#i wish i could just get better and fix all of this but i cant its not working we dont have the money to#actually get me the help i need to make it work. i just have to figure it out or die#i just wanna go back to ***** ** *** i just want to stop being lonely and useless#i dont know why im posting this shit to tumblr. its so stupid i should just be journaling or something#probably because im worthless selfish scum. idfk.#the last 6 months have been a complete blur. just rotting on the couch or in bed occasionally seeing friends once every other month or so#ive already wasted half of being 17 abd im probably gonna waste the rest too. ill do nothing of worth before i die.#even my art is ugly and horrible and not worth leaving behind. people tell me to work to improve it but i dont have the time left#ill never create any of the things i wanted to create ill never be a good artist im just going to die exactly like this#an absolutely terrible person.#the only people i can talk about the things that make me a terrible person with are people who are terrible in even worse ways#no one can comfort me except them because theyre the only people who know what ive done and actually do see it as less than absolute evil#because they know absolute evil because it is them. but i actually don’t believe that i think theyre bad but could be good#idk what im saying anymore#someone shoot me#please im not kidding#just make it stop#tw vent#tw sui#delete later
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I accidentally melted her hand against the metal pot while hot-watering her hair, so now in my made-up canon she was born with an underdeveloped hand. Even though she’s not the main guitarist of the band, she does play occasionally. Maybe she’s only into singing because she didn’t think she could play with her hand being the way it is, and only recently started learning guitar. ;v; I’ve never seen the actual show, I’m just playing with my dolls here.
Commissions open!
#my art#rainbow high#shadow high#harley limestone#dolls#doll collector#pics under the readmore ft my sister never texting me back#is it a disability? I mean it’s a small part but it’s probably difficult to do a lot I just can’t think of#to clarify I’m autistic but I’m always super happy to see any type of disability representation#with my doll hcs I mostly just go off what the dolls come with and the series they’re released in yk#I like to know races/heritage if they’re confirmed like delilah being a black girl with albinism I would never have guessed that and I#think it’s so cool#I don’t actually have much for a personal rh universe in my head anyway but when I do have little details I’ll be drawing them for sure
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Some au antag doodles
#keese draws#eternal gales#decided to finally try my hand at drawing au fydd#and decided to also draw the two I’ve already designed#I kinda chickened out hard with this au fydd design but that’s mostly because I don’t know how I’d go about implementing the big thing I cut#I wanted to include a nod at my old tazian (the species I recycled for fydd) worldbuilding by giving him some rainbow ‘hair’#but I definitely am not capable of drawing my vision well enough for my standards rn so maybe one day I’ll go for it but not rn#but long story short in the original version of the species those who were more middling height would have strands of or even entirely#rainbow hair which was like 90% me bullshitting but I have thought of a retroactive excuse#long story short most tazians would either be super tiny or like stupid tall and more middling height ones were rare#but one thing I realized lately is that all my tall ones had white hair and all my short ones had black hair#so the retroactive excuse is that the rainbow is a transitional period that usually indicates young age but can sometimes be permanent if#they don’t end up becoming properly tall#and I wanted to nod at that concept with au fydd since he’s 15 and is what would be considered pretty middling height#but that would mean figuring out how I’d wanna go about coloring that and that would make me lose it#for context fydd’s hair is supposed to be a smidge feathery#and also I like to keep my characters having somewhat manageable color pallets#not that I’m particularly good at that but I try#oh also second biggest failure of this drawing I made it so I couldn’t draw his other eye rip#he’s missing his other eye due to basically completely destroying it in the process of blowing up his original universe#the other two aren’t missing any major design elements that I can think fo fortunately#these three are all favorites of mine amongst the au antags they’re so silly#and by that I mean one of them is a grown ass adult torturing teenagers and the other two are heavily traumatized teenagers that are#helping said grown ass adult torture teenagers#well only one of them is properly helping owl is just here to meet her crush#she genuinely did not think the others would get as far and go as hard as they did#au fydd was the first member of the squad au bloom recruited and he is easily the most loyal to her#he’s also the only one au bloom even mildly gives an actual shit abt#au fydd went through a Lot in his original universe and is very ‘let’s burn it all down’ with his approach to helping#owl also went through a lot but she came out the other end just desperately wanting to stop fighting
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like yeah dude it’s really cool that you used AI to complete an art piece that was purposefully left unfinished because the artist was dying of AIDS as the government ignored the mass loss of life and health. all you really did was show that technology can bring an art piece into the modern age but why? why do we need to do that? what does it say about us if we feel that a piece needs to be ‘completed’? how are we viewing completion?? can seeing an ai generated “completion” of unfinished have the same effect of seeing the parts haring left blank and the parts where the art drips into the blank? does it aid the narrative of it in any way? can AI understand the levels at which artists used their pieces about AIDS as a form of protest? of begging to be seen? how can it when an AI’s concept of ‘completing’ the piece is just guesswork of what the colours and shapes would look like to match what haring made which is nowhere near the same level of intention that came from him? you said you ‘completed’ the piece with ai because his story is so sad but does that mean we should try to rectify sadness by getting rid of the representation of it? should we not continue to sit in the sadness and discomfort that unfinished and other AIDS inspired art asks us to do because those feelings are only a fraction of what the people who died and lost felt, is that not the least we can do for them? and what good does any of this actually do when we can use technology to ‘complete’ a purposefully unfinished art piece about an artist’s untimely death from AIDS but we can never bring keith haring or any other person who died of AIDS back to life? where does haring, the person whose illness and death lives in those blanks, come into your self fulfilling ai generated completion of his work?
#like I don’t feel anything when I see it because I don’t see the depth of a man processing his own untimely death#I saw someone say this proves AI can be transgressive and like ai has nothing to do with the potential of completing a piece like that#it didn’t make any choices with significance it just filled in the blanks in a very mechanical way#blanks that haring had to think about leaving blank and what that would mean#you could have achieved that with like. human artists and in that way you could have the piece be more intentionally connected#to the original and it’s artist#you know I’m actually not even an ai isn’t real art person#because I think it gets counterproductive to draw thick lines between what is and what isn’t art#and I think elements of ai could be developed in a harmless way#but ai art as it popularly exists currently IS harmful to most artists#and just people in general#it doesn’t matter whether it’s art or not what matters is the impact it’s having#and there are a lot of bad impacts#this one isn’t the worst I just think it’s an example of how stupid people are with ai art and like#how a lot of peoples defence of ai art actually misses the point of art#because they see it in a technical skill mechanical way#it says SOOOO much that people thought this piece needed to be ‘#’completed’ and that filling in the blank would aid the message#and assumed that the blank parts didn’t hold the same if not more artistic weight#sorry for posting about discourse I saw on twitter do you still think I’m hot
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Why is it whenever people learn that you can do something they immediately ask you to do it???
“Oh you’re bi/multilingual??? SAY SOMETHING IN A DIFFERENT LANGUAGE.”
“Oh you’re an artist? DRAW ME.”
Like I’ve actually just started saying the weirdest stuff when people ask me to say something in a different language- It almost always goes over like this-“Oh you can speak Vietnamese? Say something in Vietnamese then.” And then I just say something stupid like “Ok! Bạn là con bánh mì ☺️☺️” and they always go “Wow!! What does that mean??” And I hit them with “You’re bread.” And they for some reason get really angry :/
#ranting i guess#multilingual#multilingualism#I also sometimes insult them in a different language#I don’t even know how many times I’ve called someone a smarta** in Hebrew#I once litterally quoted stuff when someone asked me to speak Spanish#I’m so glad they didn’t know any Spanish#They would’ve asked me “What does 141 mean?” Or “Did. Did you seriously just quote Resident Evil? Bro.”#It also happens when I tell people I draw#But for some reason#I can’t draw actual people#Like human beings who are just like everyday people#I’ve never been able to just like draw what’s in front of me#It has to be from my head#I don’t really use drawing references for like clothes or characters or anything like that#Like if it’s a harder pose to draw I might use a reference#but not always#Anyways I’ve been animating more#May even post a full animation#If I finish it#:#artists on tumblr
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okay guys i have calculated it all out and even if i get a big fat zero on this race i will still earn a b in the class assuming i get 100% on the other remaining three assignments two of which are a given for 100% and the last of which is like. even if we get a 75% on it (which i do not really see happening) i can still scrape by w a b-
#personal#the engineering chronicles#tbh makes me feel SOOO much better like it will still suck to get a zero on basically our final exam (but it isn’t like weighed like a#final exam we can fail it and still pass as long as doing so doesn’t bring our team assignment average down below 70% which it doesn’t in#these calculations) but like. at least it will not lead to me failing the whole class yknow WRDJFN#on the flipside if we get 100% on the race my grade will boost just enough to take it from an a- to an a. but i do not foresee that#happening LMAO we would have to earn first for that which. our robot is barely functioning atm as it is#whatever i had going on last week was FINE it was not perfect but it was working. then we redesigned and it has all gone to hell 😐 AND we#all have like separate redesigns now which! we cannot do for the race! they need to be identical!#and BEFORE the race we need to submit an assignment that’s like. ‘here’s what our final identical robot design is’ w a SHIT ton of cad#models and drawings. and the race is on saturday. and as none of us have decided on a design yet that works for all of us. we have not#started this giant assignment yet. which. hello#it’s so bad. don’t even get me started on my unrelated exam on friday and also a final paper again on friday… 😵💫😵💫😵💫 death#this class has actually taken over my life like most of the time it literally feels like i am not enrolled in anything else. which is like i#am SO lucky none of my other classes are giving me trouble but also. it makes me wonder. how i would be doing if i had chosen another major.#not even one outside of stem like linguistics is my only non stem class this semester and i am straight up vibing in everything except this#robotics class. and that can be said for most of the engineering classes ive taken where they’re really the Only classes that give me any#problems. like how stress free would i be rn if i had picked chemistry or applied mathematics or smth 🤨#but also i don’t regret it. i mean i am learning so so much that i never would have imagined knowing how to do a year ago. but also. AAAAAAA
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“As a biologist, the terms biological woman and man don’t make any sense to me” okay then you’re an idiot and a terrible biologist. I swear to god, morons like you only become biologists just so you can hold it over others, when in reality, if biology deniers like you can become biologists, then being one really doesn’t mean much anyway. But this probably just gave an autogynophile like you a boner to read, anyway.
Oh fun! Haven't gotten one of these in a while. Disregarding the fact that you somehow think the qualification for being a biologist entirely hinges on defining womanhood, I do need to ask some clarification. I know I'm feeding the trolls here, but here we go: does your definition of "biological woman" mean:
Sociological woman? Eh, context dependent, I'm not fully out of the closet, but oftentimes, I am and present femme. So let's call that one 50/50.
Psychological woman? Because I am one.
Neurological woman? Because I am one [1].
Physical woman? My soft tissue redistribution is handling that well.
Hormonal woman? My blood tests are within cis female ranges.
Transcriptional woman? As a signalling molecule, the downstream effects of estrogen have broad transcriptional effects, completely changing the profile of gene expression and functional genomics of my cells. [2]
Genetic woman? I mean, see my above point- as far as my genes that are actually active, I have all of the same transcripts being produced, controlling which genes are expressed.
Karyotypic woman? I actually have a few signs pre-HRT that might point to a non-XY chromosome pair, but I haven't had a karyotype. We'll put that down as unknown. And hell, even if its XY, there's plenty of cis women who are karyotypically XY, with suppressed sry or complete androgen insensitivity. Interestingly enough, a completely androgen insesitive woman can go her whole life without knowing- and functionally, is very similar to a trans woman, actually. Fancy that. [3]
Reproductive woman? I can't produce an egg cell, but neither can significant fractions of cis women. Also, this is all gonna change soon, which is fun. [4]
There's also a lot of understudied aspects to the biology of HRT and even pre-HRT that are emerging, largely demonstrating widespread cellular and genetic remodeling of trans individuals undergoing hormone therapy. The field is a bit behind due to constant political pressure to revoke funding, but a lot of the results are extremely exciting in both testosterone and estrogen hormone therapies. I'm sure that, as a self professed biology As someone who presumably has a lot of expertise in biology, I'm assuming that you're aware of all of this cutting edge research, and are keeping up with modern papers, including but not limited to these cool findings:
Trans men on HRT exhibit significant genetic and transcriptional changes that make them biochemically male. [5][6]. It's a good hypothesis that the same happens with estrogen treatment, but those studies don't exist yet- I'm sure you're reserving judgment until more publications exist, of course.
Trans men on HRT develop male cell types and tissues. [7]
Trans women experience muscular and blood cell changes that align with cis women moreso than cis men [8]
And many, many more! This is an exciting, underserved, and groundbreaking field of research, and I'm sure you're keeping up with the latest in scientific journals about it.
I'm sure, of course, that you understand that it becomes impossible to draw a distinct line anywhere in here, and that words like "woman" are shorthand for the myriad of traits that invisibly synthesize in our mind and in society to represent a concept? I'm sure you understand that science is fundamentally descriptive, not prescriptive? I'm sure that you understand that these findings, while really cool and interesting, actually don't mean jack shit about what the word "woman" means or not?
As someone who is the ultimate decider in what a biologist is, I'm sure you know that bioessentiallism is a childish mindset that completely ignores and disregards the constantly changing, dynamic nature of biological systems, something that extends well beyond biological sex and its relation to gender.
I'm sure that also, that you understand that beyond just this, that the role of science in society is to advise how to achieve our moral principles, not create moral principles in themselves. And I'm sure that understanding means you know that trans affirming healthcare and supportive societal treatment leads to reduced mortality and increased happiness for everyone, right?
So great to talk to someone who is surely a scientist on this. You are a biologist, if you're talking like this, I assume? I assume you're not going to spit complete misreadings of scientific language from the background sections of these papers that only reveal you've never read a scientific paper in your life if you're thinking this way? I assume you have experience interpreting data like this?
Also, imagining my genitalia while writing this? Ew. Please stop projecting your fetishes into my inbox.
Works cited:
Kurth F, Gaser C, Sánchez FJ, Luders E. Brain Sex in Transgender Women Is Shifted towards Gender Identity. J Clin Med. 2022 Mar 13;11(6):1582. doi: 10.3390/jcm11061582. PMID: 35329908; PMCID: PMC8955456.
Fuentes N, Silveyra P. Estrogen receptor signaling mechanisms. Adv Protein Chem Struct Biol. 2019;116:135-170. doi: 10.1016/bs.apcsb.2019.01.001. Epub 2019 Feb 4. PMID: 31036290; PMCID: PMC6533072.
Gottlieb B, Trifiro MA. Androgen Insensitivity Syndrome. 1999 Mar 24 [Updated 2017 May 11]. In: Adam MP, Feldman J, Mirzaa GM, et al., editors. GeneReviews® [Internet]. Seattle (WA): University of Washington, Seattle; 1993-2024. Available from: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK1429/
Murakami, K., Hamazaki, N., Hamada, N. et al. Generation of functional oocytes from male mice in vitro. Nature 615, 900–906 (2023). https://doi.org/10.1038/s41586-023-05834-x
Pallotti F, Senofonte G, Konstantinidou F, Di Chiano S, Faja F, Rizzo F, Cargnelutti F, Krausz C, Paoli D, Lenzi A, Stuppia L, Gatta V, Lombardo F. Epigenetic Effects of Gender-Affirming Hormone Treatment: A Pilot Study of the ESR2 Promoter's Methylation in AFAB People. Biomedicines. 2022 Feb 16;10(2):459. doi: 10.3390/biomedicines10020459. PMID: 35203670; PMCID: PMC8962414.
Florian Raths, Mehran Karimzadeh, Nathan Ing, Andrew Martinez, Yoona Yang, Ying Qu, Tian-Yu Lee, Brianna Mulligan, Suzanne Devkota, Wayne T. Tilley, Theresa E. Hickey, Bo Wang, Armando E. Giuliano, Shikha Bose, Hani Goodarzi, Edward C. Ray, Xiaojiang Cui, Simon R.V. Knott, The molecular consequences of androgen activity in the human breast, Cell Genomics, Volume 3, Issue 3, 2023, 100272, ISSN 2666-979X, https://doi.org/10.1016/j.xgen.2023.100272. (https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S2666979X23000320)
Xu R, Diamond DA, Borer JG, Estrada C, Yu R, Anderson WJ, Vargas SO. Prostatic metaplasia of the vagina in transmasculine individuals. World J Urol. 2022 Mar;40(3):849-855. doi: 10.1007/s00345-021-03907-y. Epub 2022 Jan 16. PMID: 35034167.
Harper J, O'Donnell E, Sorouri Khorashad B, McDermott H, Witcomb GL. How does hormone transition in transgender women change body composition, muscle strength and haemoglobin? Systematic review with a focus on the implications for sport participation. Br J Sports Med. 2021 Aug;55(15):865-872. doi: 10.1136/bjsports-2020-103106. Epub 2021 Mar 1. PMID: 33648944; PMCID: PMC8311086.
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I ??? woke up at 3am with this scene fully written in my mind palace and quickly jotted it down in the Notes app
*
Clark’s shaking his head before he realizes he’s doing it, and feels a twinge of embarrassment at his own bad manners when Bruce stops mid-word to look at him, brows raised.
“No?” he says.
“No,” Clark says, again without thinking, and again with the reflexive urge to apologize. Somewhere his mother is tutting without knowing why. But he doesn’t apologize, because he’s already saying, “No, it can’t—it can’t be that.”
“Okay,” Bruce says slowly. “Can you elaborate?”
He is, honestly, having trouble taking his eyes off the screen. The mockup design of his new suit is there, dark and sleek, ridged like tactical gear. The blue is like the last shade of evening before you can’t call it evening anymore, the color of nine PM in Kansas in July, so exact there’s a strong chance Bruce color-picked it from a photo. The yellow accents are the cool fluorescent yellow-green of lightning bugs. The red is dark as arterial blood. Every aspect of the suit has been updated—the colors deeper, the angles sharper, the S extending to the corners of its frame—but Bruce has done it without changing the fundamentals. It’s immediately recognizable as the Superman suit, just… well, a little cooler, maybe. A little more of the times. Even the tailoring is modernized. The neckline. The shape of the boots. Where the belt hits at the waist. Clark can tell just by looking that Bruce has not only spent a lot of time on this in general, he’s spent a lot of time designing it specifically with Clark in mind, Clark’s needs and preferences and the small discomforts of his current suit, things he might have mentioned offhand after a mission but never with the assumption that Bruce was listening or filing it away. No doubt the next slides of this presentation will detail all the hidden features of the new suit, and they’ll all be incredibly thoughtful if not slightly overkill, and Bruce will pretend his sole motive here was practicality and risk reduction and respond to any thanks with a curt nod.
And Clark wants to thank him. He will. It’s just.
“It can’t be… cool,” he says, inane. Bruce is watching him with that steady look that used to feel clinical, piercing, and now mostly reads as attentive. “It can’t be—like yours. Tactical, military-grade.”
“Lightyears beyond, actually.”
“It has to—Ma said once, a kid should be able to draw it with crayons. You know? I can’t look like a weapon. I have to—I want to look like a friend.”
He can feel himself flushing. It’s rare that he speaks like this, and rarer still that he does so while being stared at intently. Bruce may think of himself as the darkness, but his gaze is a spotlight: unwavering and revealing and more a little sweat-inducing, for one reason or another.
“Sometimes, when I show up, people laugh,” Clark says. “If it’s somewhere out of the way, where they haven’t seen me before. I show up and I look like a festival performer. It’ll be the worst day of their lives, and they’ve got no reason to trust my face, but when they see what I’m wearing—it goes from ‘Who are you?’ to ‘Who is this guy?’ And that’s a good thing.”
“Hard to be afraid of a man dressed in primary colors,” Bruce says, almost to himself.
“Exactly.”
“I see. Thank you,” he says, “for explaining.”
Clark tries not to show how surprised he is to hear that. Judging by the crook of Bruce’s mouth, his success is negligible. “Of course. Sorry I didn’t—I mean, thank you, obviously, for going to such trouble. I didn’t mean to come in here and—I really do appreciate it, I can tell you put a lot of work in—”
Bruce’s eyes cut away. “No. No need. I didn’t ask, before I…. It was only a first draft. If you’re amenable, I’ll incorporate your feedback into the second one.”
“Oh! Yeah. Yes, of course, but you really don’t have to—”
“If you have any further notes, I would like to hear them.”
There’s something determined in the lines of his face. Clark has the sense that this moment is important, that it’s a turning point, even if he’s not sure why. It feels like striking out into a sea of ice, a blank white expanse under which something precious and vital is hidden, has been hidden all along, just waiting for him to find it. To want to.
“Sure,” he says. He looks back at the suit and swallows, and knows Bruce will see the flicker of his throat and take some meaning from it, and wishes he knew what the meaning was. Or maybe Bruce won’t notice or read into it at all. Maybe Clark needs to calm down, in fact. “Um. I don’t want to assume, but does it… do things?”
“It does things,” Bruce confirms, after the barest pause. “Let me show you the next slide.”
#superbat#my writing#i was genuinely surprised to wake up and discover i hadn’t just dreamed the whole thing
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Sorry but I’m not getting over the person who basically implied that headcanoning Jimmy as taller than Tango is thinly veiled rpf and they’re not REALLY separating cc from character. Like WHAT are you cooking
#sometimes I look to CCs heights for my headcanons cuz I don’t have any ideas for my own but HUH? also idk either of their heights#like for all I know Tango is taller. that would make their post way funnier tbh. but I’m gonna assume Jimmy’s taller irl based on their post#but like brother who cares if ppl take real life aspects that aren’t present in mc for their headcanons.#sometimes it’s just cuz it’s a trait you think would suit the character or cuz u wish more characters had that trait. it’s not usually cuz#ur trying to turn them into the CC lol.#aside from actual reasons I disagree with them WHAT THE HECK WAS THAT. ‘YOU HEADCANON JIMMY IS TALL? SUSPICIOUS.’#bro pulled the ‘canonically they are both 2 blocks tall’ and everything 😭#I only headcanon Jimmy is taller cuz I saw other fans doing it and went ‘that suits the character’ so I adopted it. idk his height irl.#and then it’s like assuming my height headcanons DO prove that I’m doing Jimmy rpf. am I NOT doing JOEL rpf cuz I make him rlly short?#why am I doing half rpf half fictional characters? thats kind of odd.#shipping cc!Jimmy with c!Joel lol. unironically would read that tho imagine. wouldn’t write it tho I could never write rpf. anyways#anyways the point is. sometimes fans use the CCs as a point of reference for designs. that doesn’t mean it’s thinly veiled rpf. we need#sources of inspiration and sometimes that comes from the actors. why is that suspicious.#if they’re straight up drawing the real life guy with no mc skin elements then it is more likely about the cc instead of c but they’re not#even talking about that bro literally referred to them as a blaze and canary and STILL said the height was suspicious LOL#sorry for vagueing (literally don’t know their url despite reading the post over and over) and don’t want them to see this cuz I don’t wanna#potentially be mean like if that makes them uncomfortable and is a red flag then… ok that’s your problem. I won’t force u to change ur views
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