#i acquired the game yesterday but i am yet to start it

[soxendanso]

seeing all the new moomin art in my feed because of the game rn and i'm just like welcome back moominn fandom ive missed you

[jjangwonie]

DOUBLE LIFE

DOUBLE LIFE MASTERLIST

𓂃⊹ ִֶָ summary: With your anonymous Twitter account, you've acquired a pretty good following and popularity, throughout your school as well. Jake, your long-time crush, is one of them, head over heels. Yet when you once confessed to him, he had rejected your confession, saying that he already has his eye on someone else. What happens when he finds out that his online crush is the person that he rejected? And... How are you going to deal with this?

jjangwonie note: FINALLYYYY

𓂃⊹ ִֶָ word count: ~2k

THIRTY TWO - DEFEAT

warnings: angsty, a lot of arguing, poor Riki being a bit harsh :( (I am sorry bby ily), confrontation, crying, yelling, lmk if I missed anything!

"Heeseung-hyung, you better not throw this time," Jake warned playfully. "I saw those stats from yesterday." One by one, all the boys joined the call, ready to start their gaming session.

"Ey, I was testing something," Heeseung defended himself, followed by collective snickers from the others.

But there was an edge to Riki's gameplay today - aggressive pushes, risky peaks, dying early in rounds.

"Riki, what are you doing?" Jake questioned after another failed push. "You're rushing in all alone."

"Maybe if you entered faster instead of backseat gaming," Riki shot back, his tone sharper than usual.

Sunghoon let out a low whistle. "Someone's feisty today," He said, making the rest chuckle. "Probably hungry," Jay joked, trying to ease the tension. "Remember when-"

"Speaking of hungry," Sunghoon interrupted, groaning. "Y/n had ordered a whole feast of takeaway food earlier. Period cravings are no joke."

Jake chuckled. "Oh yeah, how is she? Is she hurting a lot?"

"I don't know, she seemed happy with her food," Sunghoon replied. "She did bring me a big box of chicken."

"Aw, that is so sweet of her man," Jake said fondly, fast typing on the mechanical keyboard in the background coming to a halt for just a second.

Something in Riki's character movement stilled for a moment. His jaw clenched, it was as if he could hear the growing smile on Jake's face through his words. It ticked him off.

"Yeah, so nice. She's a real angel, don't you think?" Riki muttered sarcastically, but it obviously got picked up by his mic.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Jake asked, confusion evident in his voice.

"Oh, nothing," Riki's character aggressively peaked another corner. "Just funny how you're acting all friendly with y/n lately."

"Uh guys, can we just play? I'm trying to rank up here." Heeseung's request was ignored.

The call went quiet except for the game sounds. Jake's character stopped moving.

"Okay. What is your problem lately?" Jake's voice had an edge to it now. "Ever since the match you've been-"

"My problem?" Riki interrupted. "y/n this, y/n that. So you got stood up by your online friend and you hop on to the next person like it's nothing? What, is it because she reminds you of her?"

"Guys?" Heeseung started.

"No, let him finish," Jake's voice was dangerously quiet. "What exactly are you trying to say?" But it stayed silent.

He scoffed. "Riki, I don't know what your problem is right now. I know she is your best friend but that doesn't give you some kind of claim on who she hangs out with-"

"No, but at least I am not the one crushing on her while still pining over her online account." Riki's voice beamed through the call.

The silence that followed was deafening. Heeseung's sharp intake of breath was audible. Sunghoon and Jay's confused "What?" overlapped each other.

"...What are you talking about?" Jake's voice sounded a little hesitant, more soft. As if he didn't want to get a grasp on what was being said right now.

"Don't act so dense, it doesn't take a genius to see that they're the same freaking person." Riki retorts back, agitation evident in his tone, all reason has flown out the window, too late for him to think about what he said.

Jake's character hasn't moved for a long time, nor had the other ones. "So you're saying she's..." The mutters are heard between Sunghoon and Jay's confusion. Between the words flying into each other about the game or the other, Jake's next words stop everyone from talking.

"I... I need to go," Jake's voice was strange, strained. The disconnect sound followed immediately.

"Riki-" Heeseung started, but another disconnect sound cut him off. Riki was gone too.

The remaining three sat in stunned silence, the game completely forgotten as "DEFEAT" flashed across their screens.

"Someone want to explain what the hell just happened?" Sunghoon's voice broke through the silence.

"Uh, the Twitter account Jake's been obsessing over for months?" Heeseung finally spoke, his voice uncharacteristically serious. Reluctantly, he continued. "That's, uh... It's y/n."

The Discord call had gone quiet, save for the sound of aggressive typing. Sunghoon's frustrated growl broke the silence.

"I can't find anything," he muttered, refreshing the page again. "I am not gonna even ask how you know. Heeseung hyung, show me."

Heeseung's hesitation was audible. "Listen, maybe we should-"

"Screen share. Now."

The gentle ping of Heeseung's stream starting filled the call. As he navigated to the profile, Sunghoon's expression grew increasingly tense. Photos of familiar places, glimpses of outfits he recognized, captions that were unmistakably his sister's voice - all accumulated over months without his knowledge. "I am going to talk to my sister. See you guys."

You've ignored the past knocks of Sunghoon, headphones blasting music as you lay on your side, rereading the texts of not long ago.

After you ignored your brother's following incoming texts now, Sunghoon stood outside your door again, his knuckles white against the doorframe. The sounds of sniffling from inside only strengthened his resolve. "Open the door," he repeated, firmer this time.

You swing off the blanket and stomp across the room. The door swung open abruptly. "What?" your voice came out sharp, but Sunghoon didn't miss how you instantly took a step back, arms wrapped around yourself in a self-soothing manner and your eyes were slightly red-rimmed.

"We need to talk about this account," Sunghoon started, stepping into your room with no hesitation. "Do you have any idea how dangerous-"

"I'm not a freaking child, Sunghoon," you cut him off, arms crossed tighter, like armour. But your voice wavered slightly, betraying the confidence you were trying to project.

"Clearly you are, if you think posting yourself online like this is okay-" He ran a hand through his hair in frustration, pacing the small space between your bed and desk.

"I never showed my face! I'm not stupid!" Your voice rose defensively, but there was a tremor in it now. You backed up until your legs hit the edge of the bed, throwing your head back in frustration.

"That's not the point!" Sunghoon's voice rose to match yours, worry manifesting as anger as he paced mindlessly. "Anyone could-"

You quickly stood up. "I can do whatever I want!" you shot back, hands clenched at your sides. Your whole body was tense, like a string pulled too tight. "I don't need your permission to-"

"You need to think about-"

"I know, okay?" The string snapped. Your voice cracked, words suddenly tumbling out like a dam breaking.

"I know it was stupid, and I know I messed up, and now Jake won't even-" your breathing became erratic, shoulders shaking and your hand flying through your hair. "He texted me saying he needs space and I just-" Your voice hitched, fresh tears spilling over.

That broken sigh broke Sunghoon's eyes from the wall, looking directly at you. You seem so lost, and his shoulders drop, as does his heart.

"I fucked everything up. Now, he probably hates me and-" The last words dissolved into a sob that seemed to come from somewhere deep inside you.

Sunghoon felt all his anger drain away at the sight of his little sister breaking down. Without hesitation, he crossed the room and guided you to sit on the bed. You didn't resist when he pulled you close, one arm around your shoulders. Your body shook with sobs that you tried to muffle in your sleeve.

The room fell quiet except for your soft crying, the angry words from moments ago hanging heavy in the air.

Sunghoon rubbed slow circles on your back, the way he used to when you were little and had nightmares. He felt you gradually lean into him more, and he was thinking about how this isn't just about you having some secret account.

No, this is his little sister actually being hurt about something. That something that involves his best friend having pined on her for months and not knowing about it, yes, and it involves feelings from his best friend towards his little sister and it is messy indeed. But right now, it's you, the focus is on you, and you're hurt.

He sushed you, his chin leaning on your head as he continued rubbing your back. That little secret account was nothing but a pebble compared to the boulder of seeing you hurt and vulnerable, crushing his heart.

Several minutes passed before Sunghoon spoke again, his voice gentle now, all traces of anger gone. "So... you actually like him?"

"...Yeah, maybe..." you mumbled into your sleeve, not meeting his eyes, your voice raw from crying.

"Maybe?" His tone was knowing, gentle in a way that made you look up with your lower lip trembling, and all you see is a concerned him with a knowing glint in his eyes.

You turned to bury your face in his shoulder, fingers clutching his shirt. "I do," you groaned out, the words muffled against his shoulder but clear. "I really do."

After your tearful confession, Sunghoon fell quiet for a moment, still holding you close as you sniffled into his shoulder. Then he let out a small laugh, making you pull back slightly to look at him in confusion.

"You know what's kind of funny?" he started, his voice thoughtful. "All those times Jake wouldn't shut up about this mysterious Twitter girl." You tensed slightly. "God, he was insufferable. Especially when you- well, when she- started responding to his messages."

You wiped at your eyes with your sleeve. "What do you mean?"

"I've never seen him like that before," Sunghoon shook his head, a hint of amusement in his voice. "He'd burst into class with this stupid grin, shoving his phone in our faces. 'Look what she said!' 'Guys, she's so funny!' 'Do you think she'd like this?'" He mimicked Jake's excited tone, earning a watery laugh from you. "Really?"

"Oh yeah. When you agreed to meet him at the festival..." Sunghoon trailed off, feeling you stiffen again, so he caressed your head while continuing.

"He was practically bouncing off the walls for days. Wouldn't stop talking about how he was finally going to meet his 'angel.'" He paused, glancing down at you. "Though I guess he kind of already had."

You pulled away slightly, hugging your knees to your chest. "That's different. He likes the Twitter girl, not... not me."

"But you are her, y/n," Sunghoon pointed out gently. "And from what I've seen lately..." He hesitated, wondering if he should share this.

"The way he looked at you when you two were hanging at the festival? Trust me, it's the same look he got whenever he talked about his Twitter girl."

"But now he knows, and he's upset, and-"

"He's probably just as confused as you are," Sunghoon interrupted. "I mean, finding out the girl you've been crushing on online is actually your best friend's little sister who you've also been getting closer to?" He nudged your shoulder.

"Give him some time to process. Jake's... well, he's Jake. Sometimes things take a while to click."

You let out a mix between a laugh and a sob. "When did you get so wise about relationships?"

"Hey, I'm your big brother. It's my job to be wise," he grinned, before his face grew more serious. "Even if I'm still not happy about this whole secret Twitter thing."

"I know," you mumbled. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you."

"We'll talk about that later," he sighed, squeezing your arm before standing up. "Right now, I think the little monster needs ice cream more than you need a lecture."

"You can't call me that-" your protesting got cut off because of a pillow hitting your face. "It's been enough time, you shit. I checked."

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[scuttle-buttle]

Chapter 11

WC: 2077

Rated: E

Chapter Tags: full on angst, discussions of emotional trauma, mild depictions of blood/gore, mentions of self h*rm & su*cide, mentions of child abuse, discussions of physical disabilities, institutionalization, some dialogue & plot canon to TV show, hurt/comfort

🧠

The rest of the conference went by much like the first day did. Both you and Laszlo bought a few books for your collections. An ease had settled over your conversations with the help of Sara and John's presence; you spoke more freely with each other. You tell yourself it is not because he's going soft on you or vice versa, but rather that you have found yourself in this imaginary bubble where you happen to get on well. It's inevitable that it will pop once you’re back at school and Laszlo will revert back to his usual callous state.

Laszlo. It still felt odd to think of him like that, rather than by his title. You couldn't lie, it gave you a sort of thrill. Even in your dreams you had only called him by his honorific. Thankfully you didn't have another dream after Friday. You couldn't escape the feeling that you'd said something incriminating in front of the man in question. So you chose to pretend it didn't happen.

Monday morning came and you headed to the train station. Once again he had secured a private cabin for the journey. This time you came prepared with a book since you had yet to replace your broken phone.

"Thank you again for inviting me to this, I really enjoyed myself. It was really nice of the department to foot my travel expenses, the hotel was really fancy. I may have helped myself to a mini-bottle or two," you joked.

"There is no need to worry about the department's finances; they were not involved."

You pause. He paid for you? Laszlo did say he would take care of the arrangements; but the four-star hotel, the private compartment train tickets, the admission to the conference, and every meal? Shit, that must have been a fortune, hundreds of dollars at least.

You don't know what to say, so you settle for an awkward "oh." A moment passes before you add "I appreciate that, um, I can pay you back. Might take some time but I can."

The professor is flippant in his reply. "There is no need, it was well spent for the research and knowledge acquired." He opens his book signaling the conversation is over.

You lick your lips. Fine then, I'll just consider it payment for emotional suffering and damages of the last eight weeks.

The first few hours of the journey were spent reading one of the new books you picked up at the convention. Occasionally you would peek over the pages at the professor. He was engrossed in his own selection; sometimes he would pause to write down a thought.

Around the seventh hour of your journey you had given up on reading anymore in favor of looking at the fields outside. The silence was comforting.

Laszlo had trouble concentrating on the book in his hand. He saw you as a conundrum. One minute you could be sociable and teasing with your comments, then next you were biting at his throat with your quick wit and fierce ideals. He decides that he wants to know what made you into who you are today. Now is as good a time as any.

His eyes on you cause a tingle up your spine but you ignore it. Laszlo breaks the silence; "may I ask a personal question?"

"You just did," you answer, still peering out of the large window. He huffed once, amused. At his following silence you face him. You raise your eyebrows to signal him to go on with his question. Curiosity grows at the thought of what he intends to ask.

"Twice now you have made implications of a traumatic past," he begins.

Bubble popped.

Interrupting, you snark "is this the part where you psychoanalyze me, doc? Because trust me, I've been through enough of that." You pick at the lint on your jeans.

Laszlo tries to choose his words more carefully the next time he speaks. "What I mean to say is, the first afternoon in the classroom where you defended that student you implied you had been witness to a trauma. You then displayed signs of anger and embarrassment before leaving prematurely. Yesterday you mentioned having entered a psychiatric facility. As an alienist I can't help but find myself curious about your experiences."

You slide your eyes to meet his from across the cabin. Your face is devoid of any emotion. "We all have our demons. Even you can't argue with that."

Your jaw clenches. Everyone had warned you. They all said he would try to worm his way into your head to figure you out. All the reviews, the gossip, everything. It was a big fat 'I told you so'. You give a pitiful laugh at the situation. "You know, everyone told me that you would pull this stunt."

He seems confused by your statement. "And what is that?"

"That you'd get inside my head and try to figure me all out or whatever. You already know I googled you beforehand, what everyone says about your methods. By now I assume you've done a little research yourself. I promise you there is nothing exciting here," you scoff and point to yourself.

"You would be correct in your assumption." You chew at your cheek as he starts. "I do know some of what happened in your past. Yet I also know that society likes to dilute the truth into something either more palatable, more entertaining, for people to consume greedily. What I want to know is what you have faced. How you have not allowed the experience to overcome you so much so that your humanity is erased like the characters I lecture on."

Eyes closing of their own volition you are thrown back in time to that night so many years ago. You didn't talk about it anymore. Bitsy knew of course, but that was the extent.

Laszlo waits. He knows this is likely to push you over the edge if your history with him means anything. Quite frankly, anyone would be tossed to their limit at his interrogation had they gone through what you had. John always told him that he needed to work on his bedside manner; that he had a habit of coming on too strong in his pursuit of learning the intricacies of the human mind. But your earlier comment about being sent to a so-called 'nuthouse' rubbed him the wrong way. It left a bad taste in his mouth. He needed to know. He needed to understand.

Laszlo can imagine the reprimand that he would receive from John and Sara for this. Just as he considers apologizing for his intrusion you open your eyes.

"She was fine. None of us suspected anything was wrong. I came home from having dinner with some… boy, and she had locked herself in the bathroom. She- she must have started over the sink and moved to sit on the side of the tub. She was hunched inside it when I got the door open. I pulled her out. Blood was… everywhere." Your voice is clinical as you explain.

"After, I shut down. So I checked myself into a psych ward a few days later when I couldn't get the feel of her blood off my hands. It's slippery, you know. And it smells. You wouldn't think so but it does." You clear your throat. "I did the therapy, took the meds they prescribed, all the standard treatments. Later I started watching true crime documentaries. I'd heard about exposure therapy so I figured the more I saw the gore, the less the image of my dead roommate would bother me. And it did help. The nightmares stopped after a while, I came back to school. I was better, just not the same.” You had watched the passing landscape as you explained. Turning to face him you speak again. “That's why those pictures didn't bother me. They weren't anything I hadn't seen before."

He contemplates you. The discovery and subsequent loss of your friend in this manner would no doubt cause lingering effects to your psyche. A stain that would forever remind you. "I offer my sincerest condolences. I do not presume to know what that would be like to experience, but I am glad you sought help afterwards. To make the choice to alleviate yourself of your own suffering where possible.”

As he says this he realizes that your anger towards the idea of being enslaved to unconscious impulse makes perfect sense. It explains why you focused so much energy on defending your belief in free will. That you have the power to choose how you carry your joy, your anger, your healing. It reminds him of how he held onto his own guilt and hurt, ignoring how it festered within him for so long. He feels as though he needs to share a piece of himself with you.

“I played piano as a child, quite well too. My mother hoped I would someday make a career of it. I vividly remember playing Mozart’s Concerto for Piano No. 20 in D Minor at a holiday party when I was seven years old. It was my favorite to play.... It requires two hands." You finally look at him. "My father...” He pauses to gather himself.

Now it is the doctor that cannot meet your eyes. As you listen you feel your confusion grow. How could he have been a talented pianist if he only had full use of his left hand? Unless..., the realization dawns on you just as he continues, his words slow.

“My father had two sides. One loving and the other brutal, the two often coexisting. It was something as trivial as putting me to bed, I recall... A game of tug of war. We were laughing…” He inhales a sharp breath. Already you can feel the tears begin to blur your vision. “I don't remember if he was drunk or if I said something that offended him. He must have pulled my arm behind my back.” Laszlo exhales shakily. “In small children, fractures can often affect…” he trails off, unable to finish. You can hear how he barely holds himself together.

Your heart aches for the broken man that sits in front of you. He never let on how much his arm bothered him, at least not within your presence. Suddenly you don’t see him as this rude, insufferable, obsessive man, but instead as someone that spends his life trying to protect himself. He projects his own anger and hurt so that he may, just for a minute, forget about his own demons. He wants to help others even when he feels he cannot bear to help himself.

But unlike you, he has to live with the physical reminder of his past every day of his life.

You stand and move to sit on his right side. Before allowing yourself to think too much of your actions, you place your hand atop his own, curling your fingers around his palm and squeezing delicately. You don’t bother wiping away the tears on your cheeks. “I’m so sorry, Laszlo;” the whisper is barely heard above the sound of the train. A second passes where you fear you have overstepped and offended him by touching the affected limb. When his thumb tightens against the backs of your fingers you know he is not. He holds you in place.

“You asked me how I kept my humanity. How does anyone really? We learn to take what we get and we carry it in a bag. Sometimes you have to drag the damn thing behind you. But eventually the weight gets less and less if you allow yourself to move forward, even if it’s still there with you all the time. I dealt with what happened years ago and it does still haunt me. It’s easier now than it was, but… I- I suppose I’ve learned from you too. Sitting in those lectures and hearing you talk. We can either let it haunt us for the rest of our lives… or we can accept it… and use the memory of our pain to help ourselves and others.”

“I’m not sure the choice is entirely in our hands.” His tone is mournful.

You turn to smile at him through your tears. His own eyes are bloodshot. “I disagree. If it weren’t, if we didn’t have the freedom to choose that, we’d all be murderers.”

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[cheekygreenty]

Little Witch - Part 3

The Darkling x Reader

The next day you woke up with a full belly and a rested mind. Your body no longer ached as you took a well-deserved bath. The servants knocked on your door in the early morning, however, you refused them but not after taking the food they offered. You looked through the wardrobe, finding nothing to your liking, so you were forced to wear something you had taken with you to the little palace. It was still too simple- too plain for your taste. You managed to speak to a seamstress about some clothing, but upon her finding out you don't belong to a single Grisha order, she scurried off, afraid she was being made a fool. You sighed and settled down. you have no right to be mad, nobody knows who you are. It is as you intended it to be, and looks like Aleksander wanted it that way too. To the Grisha, your order, or lack-there-of, is a myth, a fantasy. Some even consider it as heresy, a betrayal to the order of Grisha and the Saints, a mistake and abomination.

The stigma always caused you to hold back on your potential, never fully pushing yourself to your limits. At one point, Aleksander was scared of you; of what you couldn't do yet. Every day you learned something new, but every day you lost the knowledge to do another thing. It was a vicious cycle. But one day you tried yourself, you felt euphoria. It was a feeling like none other. But with it came destruction and death. You couldn't control yourself. The cycle continued until you pushed yourself too much, power overtook your being, let you slip away for a brief moment. A moment that decided the next 98 years of your life.

You knew how to control yourself now. It took years and the touch of many others, but here you were, an Elemental. A Grisha with the power of all orders, you could do what the Etherialki could do with ease, you could manipulate metals and chemicals and could stop a heart at your will. The healing wasn't yet a skill you had yet.

You weren't born with these powers though. You have to acquire them in a certain way, 'take them' if you will. It's what gets your tale the bad rep. A touch is all it takes. A simple touch of the hand when a Grisha is practicing the small science. It doesn't hurt anybody, you always swore it didn't. But once you acquire a power, it doesn't mean you know how to control it. It gets out of hand, it's as if it has a mind of its own, like Aleksander's shadows, and that's what causes carnage. Sometimes you could still remember what it felt like to summon those glorious shadows.

With that thought, you quickly go back to real life. You were standing outside Aleksander's door. Did you have to knock? The oprichniki let you through immediately and didn't look in your eyes as you stood at the door. You let yourself in, forgoing your manners.

'Aleks-'

'Y/N'

'Oh um hi, I was just wondering if you could tell somebody to actually make me some keftas, they're all running away from m-'.

You noticed he wasn't alone. The heartrenderer from yesterday was standing at the end of the room with another one of his kind. A woman in a Squaller attire along with them.

'-Am I interrupting? I can come back later'

You said that but didn't move a muscle. Like hell you would leave a room that almost belonged to you all those years ago.

'That would be ideal' Aleksander looked at you, waiting.

'I changed my mind. I'll stay-'

'Y/N'

'-until you sort my keftas out. Saints what did I tell you about interrupting me. It's quite rude' You seen the girl's eyes widen.

'So is barging into a meeting unannounced'

'General Kirigan, please can you do something about my keftas before I run out of clothes and have to walk the halls of the Little Palace bare' You jest. You were itching to wear a kefta. It had been way too long. He flushed and his eyes flashed an emotion of... longing? You couldn't tell but you knew that did the trick.

'Ivan please escort Ms.Y/L/N to the seamstress quarters and tell them to do whatever she wants.'

Aleksander spoke calmly looking directly at you. So his name was Ivan? You could finally put a name to the face.

'No, I'd rather go with the other one' You whispered so only he could hear with side-eye. He looked at you with an amused grin.

'Nevermind, Fedyor you go' The brunette heartrenderer got up with a smile on his face. He looked kind.

'Ms.Y/L/N, follow me'

He hooked your hand onto his elbow and you contained your girlish giggle. It had been so long since you were treated with this respect. It made you giddy.

'I'll see you around, General.' You looked at him and then at your audience. Ivan looked mad, as he always did, the girl looked jealous. You wondered if she and Aleksander had a thing going on, you wouldn't be surprised. She was beautiful. Once out the door, Fedyor started speaking

'That was Zoya. Mean little thing. But an amazing soldier. I'm Fedyor if you didn't catch that. Ivan isn't all that bad when you get to know him. He's my boyfriend. I've never seen you around, are you new?'

You struggled to process the information as it came. After stuttering twice, you managed to get out a simple:

'Yes, I am new here.'

'You seem to know the General quite well, are you two friends?'

'Of sorts yes, old friends'

'It's nice to know he has friends, that man works so hard to keep us all safe I sometimes worry he has no downtime.' He sighs.

You look at him confused, was this man definitely his guard?

'I'm sure he manages on his own well enough' Some part of you still loved Aleksander, but over time you learned to recognize that the man loves working towards his plans more than anything or anyone.

Fedyor wouldn't stop talking about the Litlle Palace as you walked. Had you not known the place inside out and back to front, you would've been very impressed. Once you reached your destination. You threw ideas at the seamstresses. Fedyor stood by and looked perplexed at all the ideas and at one point, left. You requested keftas of all colors and styles, completely breaking the traditions of orders. You didn't care to explain why fearing that Aleksander didn't want people knowing of your kind just yet. You walked back to your chamber content with your day so far. You wanted to train once you got back, away from the prying eyes of other Grisha. You needed peace. You walked in and snuffed out the burning fire with a hand motion. The room was now silent, too quiet.

'Y/N'

You whipped your head around and found an angry Aleksander at your door, looking at the fireplace absent of the fire.

'We need to have a proper conversation where you tell me what in Saint's name you are doing here, back in my palace, I have entertained your little game enough.'

You kept silent much to his annoyance.

'Now.'

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Part 4

@xceafh @fire-in-her-veinz @cleverzonkwombatsludge

[qingxintea]

➼ chongyun || hiraeth

tw: mention of knives (no violence), kidnapping, explosion _______

you angled your camera to catch your face and upper body correctly and adjusted your blinds for the correct lighting. you put thin pieces of yellow and pink paper over your lamp to give off a sunset lighting sort of aesthetic in your minimalist room. your tiny cacao tree sat in the corner of your room, setting some sort of simple beach vibe.

then, you began to stream.

you watched as majority of your followers came to view as you sat in your rolly gaming chair. the greetings came rushing in and you noticed two of your friends had came along too, xingqiu and chongyun.

"hey gang, it's kingexplosionmurder here with your weekly sunday stream," you smiled and watched as comments came in asking you to notice them. beginning to select randomly, you flicked a short strand of hair behind your ear. "you have been noticed, yourlocalsugardaddy," you blessed them. and you swore you chose randomly.

on the other side of the screen, chongyun's face slightly flushed before eating his popsicle again. yes, that was his username, selected by xingqiu after the guhua heir was somehow able to trick him into selecting so. the situation must've been that he accidentally consumed some jueyun chili's, that was also xingqiu's doing.

he watched you smile as you explained your schedule for this stream, when he noticed you suddenly began laughing. it sounded genuine, he wanted to believe it was genuine, but there was a trace of disappointment in it. he observed your face, noticing you were looking at the chat box. "i agree too, scarymoose."

scarymoose: this streamer's kinda dog shit ngl 😐

by instinct, his fingers grazed over the keyboard as he analyzed the tone. this kid wasn't joking around with himself, he was really out to bring you down. he exhaled, shaking his head, wondering how you would deal in the situation.

yourlocalsugardaddy: miss karen this isn't yelp 🙄

he wasn't content with that yet, things could've gone onto more serious matters, but he knew you liked to keep your chat clean and peaceful. you went to the farther extents to keep that from happening, agreeing with rude comments yourself as a said joke, but actually have it sometimes harming you.

so chongyun tried his best to keep you happy.

redrumreaper: yo moose chill 😳

he recognized his friend xingqiu also trying to calm the situation as you just laughed it off and attempted to continue, sooner enough just beginning to ignore all his comments. some other viewers came up to your defense but in all honesty, you wanted to move on.

"s-so, i found some silk flowers outside of wangshuu inn yesterday, aren't they pretty?" you took a tiny bouquet of the said silk flowers and presented it to your viewers, holding it next to your cheek. the pink tone of the flowers matched the color of your cheeks and made for a nice picture. chongyun would've screenshotted it, but he respected your privacy.

yourlocaldumba$$: yes they're so pretty we love you 😍

13lue13erry: yes ong ong 💕 thiccer than my granny

Straw13erry: don't bring madame ping into this 💀💀

colino: are you sure it's alright to take from someone's legally owned property ?? much less from their garden

Straw13erry: u mean ur neighbors don't harvest ur flowers every day? 🙄 privilege spoke 🤚

yourlocalsugardaddy: vv pretty 😳

redrumreaper: simp 💀

you slightly choked over on your side and xingqiu calling chongyun a simp, for you. quickly clearing your throat, you regained your composure. your viewers could see that your cheeks had been dusted with a darker shade now.

13lue13erry: 👀

Straw13erry: 👀

yourlocaldumba$$: 👀

redrumreaper: 👀

sireluck: 💀

bazinga: 👀

dandelionn: 👀

poetichoe: 👀

"okay- anyways," you pushed that aside, watching the chain of 👀's coming in. you weren't too sure at what they were referring to, but just assumed that they were interested in xingqiu exposing chongyun. but, there was no way chongyun really felt like that, right? it was just a friendly compliment from what you believed. "just a tiny flex but y'all guys, i am so cracked at apex, not gonna lie. for all the new followers out there," you randomly commented. 'and to change the subject.'

"actually, you know what? fuck the schedule, let's go to trolling little eight year old kids posting selfies on instagram. due to certain reasons i'm just not gonna be blurring their usernames out, but please don't spam these people, i don't wanna be cancelled 💗" you sweetly smiled as you pulled up instagram and started streaming on your phone.

of course your sus notifications ruined it 🤡🤡

because xingqiu took advantage of the situation, sending messages to your discord. nothing mentioning your romantic life because he knew better than that, but just trolling. 'HEY GANG. ITS ME, TONY, AND TODAY WE'RE GONNA SEE IF IM FASTER THAN THIS MOUSE TRAP.' 'TURNS OUT, I AM NOT FASTER THAN THIS MOUSE TRAP.' 'AN UPDATE, IT HURTS. ALRIGHT. BYE GUYS.' you tried hard to contain your laughter, but certain giggles came out in the end, giggles that made chongyun's heart flutter.

xingqiu just kept spamming without a stop, to the point that you accidentally clicked into the notification instead of someone's username on a selfie post. so now everyone could see your group chat with xingqiu, chongyun, and a few other viewers that were actually your other friends.

13lue13erry: oh no 🤡

Straw13erry: 🗿

yourlocaldumba$$: HAHAHAHA WE'RE EXPOSED 🤡👌

just water support boy 😔: image.png

oh my god he's sending chongyun catboy edits. you made this concerning noise, glad no one really seemed to know who chongyun really was on twitch. you went back to instagram, beginning to dm a random kid, ignoring the situation that had just happened.

chongyun choked, slight heat running to his cheeks. what the fuck was xingqiu doing- how did he even get those pictures? maybe it was that one time xingqiu forced him to go to a furry con, but how did he ever get the time to photograph these? he nervously fidgeted and played with his fingers.

13lue13erry: 🤡

Straw13erry: 🤡

yourlocaldumba$$: 🤡

redrumreaper: 🤡

<— oraoraoraor

kingexplosionmurder: chav check

oraoraoraor: what

kingexplosionmurder: chav: check 😹😹

oraoraoraor: bruh

oraoraoraor: who tf are you

kingexplosionmurder: hope you like baddies cause i'm bad at everything 💗

oraoraoraor: bruh ok i'm blocking

kingexplosionmurder: stop dming me

oraoraoraor: 😐

kingexplosionmurder: stop dming me

oraoraoraor: wtf

kingexplosionmurder: stop dming me

oraoraoraor: wait wait UR that one twitch streamer?

kingexplosionmurder: stop dming me

oraoraoraor: ig ur fans gonna be so disappointed in you

kingexplosionmurder: stop dming me

oraoraoraor: hahaha wtf i'm gonna post this and tag you

kingexplosionmurder: stop dming me

afterwards you sent a barrage of really cursed images and left the person on read when they tried to complain and get a reaction out of you. you chuckled, extremely satisfied with yourself. this is what your viewers followed you for. you went on hunting for another user, "GO Y/N GO" filling up your chat.

you were just about to dm this other kid until you heard a ring from your doorbell. "oh what the fuck, i didn't invite anyone. but you know what, i'll pull something up to entertain y'all guys while i'm afk." searching on youtube, you typed in 'banana fish ep. 1' and clicked on the longest video you saw. then you got up from your chair, making your way to the front door.

you didn't mute yourself before because you thought there was really no need to, and you underestimated your mic sensitivity. god did you wish that you could go back and time and do just that.

twisting the doorknob, you opened your door and was met with... a certain, someone.

someone that you recognized and has caused you so much pain, and it was all so fun and games before they had to come along. "bruh. aight what you here for fam?" you played it super chill, though you were really sick and tired of this person's shit.

"(y/n). we need to talk," her stern voice made you flinch as you just stared straight into her eyes. you simply nodded your head and crossed your arms, shifting your weight onto your right leg. "we're thinking of taking you back home."

your froze, your breath hitching as you just stood there, waiting for her to go on. clenching your fists and looking down, you stayed silent for a little moment and questioned, "...why?"

"well, you have a stable income source, right?" she asked, putting her hands on her hips. "you can finally be of use to us," she clasped her hands together, a bright smile on her face. your finger twitched, awaiting an explanation. "you're a streamer, yeah? so you can be a useful asset to our family name."

"...you only want me to come back so i can make you all seem... good?"

and here you thought, just for a second, that you would be accepted back into the place where you really belonged. your shoulders slumped, as small tears began to well up in your eyes. "and for our profitable gain of course, it would be a shame to not acquire that from you."

you composed yourself and looked up. "im afraid my profit can only cover for one person, and it would be myself that i focus to make a suitable and independent living out of. you've kicked me out ever since i've graduated from college and had me fend for myself, now inviting me back once i have a stable job?" you breathed, fiddling with the sleeves of your black hoodie.

"oh, not inviting, dear. taking."

confused by her words, you let your guard down as she suddenly pushed a warm cloth over your mouth as you let out a constrained scream. you tried to break free of her grasp, reaching for the switchblade in your pocket, but the drowsing chemicals from the cloth took control of you and you felt disoriented. "you... bitch..."

your head hit the floor.

》●✿ time ● skip ✿●

silence.

thats all you heard when you awoke.

pure, unfiltered silence that overwhelmed you as you were completely lost. what was happening?

you tried turning to the other side of your childhood bed, the moon casting light shadows into your 'room'. there was a rope around your wrists you noticed, so you brought them up to your lips and starting gnawing on them until it broke apart. (guys we feral its not a furry instinct ok?/ ??  ?)

the material had irritated your skin, but you put that aside for now. escape- thats what you really needed to do. it was fairly dark, but you didn't have a good estimate of time. the analog clock was broken and set to a different time that displayed 11AM. you sat up, your fingers running along the frame of the window next to you.

for a moment, you stopped, thoughts rushing into your head. what if you could start a whole other life here where things could finally be peaceful, what if you didn't have to feel so isolated anymore, what if you could- ...

no. (y/n), get yourself together. what has happened will anyways stay there, and there is no healing scars. ...still, you couldn't shake off the feeling of missing this home so much when you had an amazing childhood, though full of fake actors who had manipulated you.

opening all the cabinets silently, you grabbed things that you assumed would come to your aid. a tiny backpack, which you then stuffed with other things around it. a first aid kit, a spare knife just in case, along with a clean oversized sweater and a couple dollar bills. all that, along with a compass.

you turned towards your window, stepping on your bed.

pushing open the sides of your window, your stepped on, the brown coldness of the frame coming in contact with your feet. you shivered just a little bit before stopping to think. what would you do once you were out of here? you barely knew your way here. and not to mention, your devices were still left at your other house, so there was no way of contact.

...

did your stream ever end? even if it did, had you muted yourself before leaving? no, you didn't, and you could remember in precise detail. someone out there, anyone, would be willing to help, right? you couldn't possibly be here forever, not when you're basically blown up all over your socials?

your friends, yes, your friends! xingqiu and chongyun were watching the stream and had made obvious interaction in doing so, and they'd be willing to protect you. if they just had a lead...

but... what lead was there? all they heard was the woman's voice and, that was probably it, wasn't it? only a voice with no other clear features that could identify her. it looked like you were doing this on your own.

you came in contact with the blades of grass tickling your feet and conveniently found a pair of sneakers outside. it definitely wasn't yours, and it smelled like the scent of your old room. most likely, it belonged to someone from inside your house, lavender and mint, but who inside there was in the age range to wear modern day sneakers..?

brushing that question aside, you unhesitatingly laced them on and they were just a bit too big, but you could manage.

you breathed, inhaling the freedom intertwined air, a much needed factor of bringing you back to your lost sense of happiness. then, the fear struck you once again, because you needed to improvise now. you needed to run, but which direction? you barely knew this place at all.

you dug around your pocket for the compass you had and it was pointing east. you remember that stepping out of your house was facing west, so you were going the right way... but who knows how messy the path was? it couldn't have been an exact pathway, but going directly ahead was your simplest option.

you heard a pair of footsteps coming from inside the house, probably a few seconds away to opening the door. you sucked in your breath and ran, ran as far as your legs could take you. your intimidating speed and played into your advantage, and taking one last look, you saw the lights on, before continuing.

a few minutes into it, you felt some elemental energy. it was a sense you learned to develop since you were young, giving you the upper hand in a variety of situations. you followed the trail of glowing lines, the air starting to get colder and colder. you shuddered, the crisp coldness nipping at your skin.

you sat below a tree, taking your backpack off your shoulder and took out the oversized sweater. you put it on over your black tee and light blue skinny jeans, its nostalgic aroma filling your sense of smell.

it was... warm.

it shouldn't be warm.

the warmth proved as a sign that someone had worn it before, but this size was from what you knew, too small to fit the woman you came across again, and you absolutely did not recall any other beings within the house. it was a small household.

suddenly, you remembered what she said.

we're thinking of taking you back home. you can finally be of use to us.

plural. you should've noticed it before and you shook your head, slightly disappointed in yourself. you didn't remember any other birth siblings. could it be the fact that during the time, they had, in a way, replaced you?

you sat up, then suddenly went drowsy. your eyelids were getting heavy as your back hit the same tree. ah, that clever bitch. you chuckled to yourself, but still unsatisfied how this was gonna end. reaching inside your pocket, you grabbed a bomb that a little kid gave you, and threw it as far as you could. it wasn't as far as you hoped, but it was exceptionally far considered your sleepy state.

in a few couple seconds or so, it was going to explode. you did that to divert the attention of her and slowly ran as far as you could. a few seconds in, you gave in, hoping that your efforts were enough. 》●✿ perspective ● shift ✿●

chongyun heard an explosion.

he raised his head in the direction smoke was coming from, and made a run for it, then stopping to think. no, you're smarter than this. he gathered his shit together and remembered that one day klee gave you a bomb. he deducted that you had used it as a diversion, and began to search around the area.

and finally, he came across your sleeping body. to ensure your living state, he crouched down and let two fingers travel across your neck, searching for a pulse, and was relieved when he found one, pulsing at a normal rate.

he then carried you on his back, picking up the pace since he deducted someone was out for you, would you need a distraction. he remembered some details of the woman, she had ended your stream with your sleeping form in her hands, a dirty smirk coming across her lips. she had dark hair with some natural highlights, but that was all he saw because the rest was concealed by a cloak.

a few minutes, maybe half an hour later, you began to stir. chongyun decided that he ventured far enough to liyue and slowed down for your comfort. he wanted you to get some well deserved rest. but slowly, you woke up, but only the tiniest movement was made. your eyes were still droopy and you wanted to return to sleep.

but the sight of pastel blue hair kept you from doing so.

you felt the familiar silk coming in contact with your arms as he kept on trudging forward at a more consistent and smooth pace. "..chongyun?" you muttered out weakly, earning a small smile from the male. he hummed in response, continuing forward.

your mind was cloudy, unable to interpret the language of the world. but softly, words effortlessly escaped your lips, "... did i do the right... thing?" blinking multiple times, you awaited his answer.

"yes, yes you did," his soft voice reached your ears, making you smile a bit. you nuzzled deeper into his shoulder, clinging onto him tighter, unwilling to let go.

"thank you," you whispered.

he chuckled a bit before responding, "anything for you."

_____

bro ending is a little off because i'm wrote this at 2:53AM and so my brain has went ⬇️⬇️ also i'm just hungry

copy and pasted from my wattpad,, @ppeachtea_

[themadlostgirl]

Abandoned

*So this quickly got out of hand. When I first got this prompt I started writing it and figured that it would end up being a two part prompt cause the story I was writing was getting long. Then at some point I said ‘F*ck it!’ I’m going in whole hog! So as I have it planned right now this is going to be a 12 chapter Reader x Peter Pan fanfic. I hope you like it!*

Prompt: Hook’s daughter and is left behind in Neverland

Requested by: Anon

Warnings: language

~~~

It started as it would end, on a beach.

My whole life revolved around the ocean. Ever since I was born I have known nothing but the sea. I learned to walk on a rocking ship deck. Sea shanties lulled me to sleep at night. Monstrous storms scared me under the blankets of my bed. I learned how to steer a ship and tie a knot before I ever learned how to read or write. My blood was saltwater and my life was an endless adventure among the seas with a pirate crew.

Not just any pirate crew mind you. The fearsome buccaneers of the Jolly Roger led by the infamous Captain Hook. Of course I knew him as papa. I was a surprise to him and mama but they raised me well until mama died. Then it was just me, papa, the crew, and the ship. It was a good life up until papa decided to travel to Neverland.

Oh Neverland. It sounded like such a dream when he described it to the crew. Now we had been stuck in the realm for years forced to do the bidding of the island’s ruler. That arrogant and cruel imp that called himself Peter Pan. I disliked him immediately. Years passed and it was soon realized that we had been more brought to our torment then our paradise. Nothing but endless days sitting out in the bay with nothing to do but go stir crazy outside of when Pan made us run tasks.

The most interesting thing we ever got to do was go ashore for provisions. Now, you would think being the pirate daughter of the deadly Captain Hook would lend me to more important tasks. But, from the moment we had landed in Neverland papa had made it very clear that the island was a dangerous place that I shouldn’t venture alone. He kept me from leaving the ship most of the time. I think it’s because the first time I went ashore we ran into Pan and his horde of Lost Boys. Pan had a peculiar interest in me when we met that papa did not like. Hence, I was never allowed to go to the island by myself.

Today that had changed. Maybe he could sense that I was going stir crazy on the ship and wanted to give me a respite. It would be nice to get away from all the scabby pirates and rocking of the waves for an afternoon.

Papa gave me a row boat and set me off to grab some fresh water from the island. He assured me that the fairy, Tinkerbell, would be waiting at the shore to escort me. When I got to shore though, no one was there. I thought maybe I was early or in the wrong place so I wandered and waited yet still nothing.

I could not wait around all day and so went to grab the barrel for the water. As I tried to heave it out of the boat I noticed it was much heavier than I was expecting. I opened it up and saw that it was full but not of water. These were my clothes and my books and other various knick knacks and souvenirs I had acquired over my life. What were they doing here? Shouldn’t they be in my room on the ship? Was this a prank papa and the crew were playing on me?

I looked up over the horizon and could not spot the Jolly Roger. Had papa moved the ship? I closed the lid on the barrel full of my possessions and ran along the coast of the island searching for the ship. I climbed to the top of Dead Man’s Peak and looked out but the ship had vanished. Where...where had it gone? Why had it gone?

Dread started to set in. This had to be a mistake. A trick. An illusion. That nasty Pan must be playing a joke on me. He has to be. The ship is still out there it has to be. It all has to be a prank.

“You seem lost.” The voice behind me made me jump. I whirled around with the sword at my hip now drawn.

Peter Pan.

“There’s no need for all that, Lady Jones.” The demon boy leader grinned at me. “Please, let us be civil.”

“I don’t think it’s a good idea to be civil around you.” I sneered. I glanced at the sea. “Is this your doing? Hiding my father’s ship from me?”

“I have done no such thing and frankly I resent the remark. For what reason would I have to hide your father’s ship from you?”

“To torment me.” I kept my blade level with his face. “I am not so ignorant to your games and tricks, Pan. If you think hiding his ship from my view will stop me from getting back you are mistaken.”

“Does this not at all strike you as suspicious?” He asked, leaning against the mountain face. “You are barred from coming to the island alone for years, then one day out of the blue you are sent here by yourself?”

“I’m strong and I can handle myself. My papa knows this. He trusted me with getting fresh water for the crew.” I bit back.

“You? One person was supposed to take that big barrel and fill it with water and carry it back out to your little row boat? That is at least a two man job and you thought that you were going to be able to do it all on your own?”

“I’m stronger than I look. Besides, he said Tinkerbell was going to--”

“Tink?” Pan laughed, “I know for a fact that pirate hasn’t said a word to her in months.”

“You’re lying.”

“What do I gain by lying to you?”

“You’re trying to trick me! That’s what you do!” I started to back away, keeping my sword and gaze aimed at Pan. “Now I am going to go back down this mountain and this had all better be sorted.”

“I fear you’ll be gravely disappointed then.” Pan sighed. “But I’ll let you go for now. See how long it takes for reality to set in.”

In the blink of an eye Pan had disappeared. I sheathed my sword and raced back down the mountain and back to my boat. This was all just a trick. A joke. It was. It had to be. Papa would come for me when it started to get late. He has to.

I waited on the shore staring out over the horizon until the sun started to dip over the waves. It was sunset. Where was papa? Surely he had to notice that something was wrong. He had to. I need to calm down. I’m fine. I know what to do.

I went into the jungle and started gathering some branches to start a small fire. That way when the sun goes down and if papa still hasn’t made it here he’ll see the fire and know where I am. As I was gathering sticks though Pan’s words started to echo in my head. This all was rather suspicious in a way. Any time someone went to the island it was always in pairs of at least two. Then there was the matter that all my possessions were stuffed into the barrel. Why would anyone do that? What sort of prank was that supposed to be?

Now the ship was gone and the sun was setting and I was all alone for the first time in my life. But I for the life of me couldn’t think of why papa would leave me here if it wasn’t for Pan barring him. I’d be okay though. I’m the daughter of the fearsome Captain Hook! I could survive one night on Neverland by myself.

I sat down by the fire I made and munched on some berries I had also gathered while scavenging for firewood. For as horrible as this place was it was rather beautiful. Looking out over the inky black sea with the crescent moon reflecting across the rippling waves. It was so strange to look over the sea from the land.

I fell asleep next to my fire and when I woke up in the morning the ship was still missing from the waves. “Papa…” I whispered in fear and horror. Where is he?

“Good morning,” I turned and saw Pan sitting in the sand poking at the remnants of my fire from last night. “I was wondering when you were gonna wake up.”

“Get back.” I reached for my sword and froze when I didn’t feel it in its sheath.

“Yeah, I didn’t appreciate you waving it in my face yesterday.” Pan stabbed my sword into the sand next to him. “Now maybe we can have a civil conversation.”

“I have no interest in talking to you!” I reached for the dagger strapped to my thigh and groaned. I glared at Pan and he waved the small blade at me.

“I’m honestly surprised you don’t have a pistol but am otherwise glad that was one less thing I had to sneak off you.” Pan shrugged. “Did father dearest never teach you how to shoot?”

“Go away!” I grabbed a nearby rock and chucked it at his head. “Leave me alone!”

“Don’t take your anger out on me. I’m not the one that abandoned you.”

“No one abandoned me.” I shot to my feet. “You’re hiding the ship and papa from me. Now undo it!”

“I am not hiding anything. I’ve already told you.” Pan dropped my dagger next to my sword. “You don’t see the ship or any of the pirates because they’re gone. They left. They abandoned you here and they’re not coming back.”

“You’re lying!” I grabbed my sword and dagger. I started pushing the rowboat I had arrived in back into the sea. “If you won’t reveal the ship then I’m just gonna row out until I find it.”

“You’re gonna be rowing for eternity then.” He appeared in the blink of an eye now sitting in the boat. “They’re not out there. You can circle this entire ocean for the rest of time but you will never find the Jolly Roger. It is not here.”

“It is here. You’re just trying to keep me from it. You’re tricking me for your own sick pleasure!”

“Deny it all you want but the facts are against you.” He popped the lid of the barrel off and fished around in my things. “Clothes, books, compass, a pocketwatch, seems your entire life can fit into one barrel. That’d be impressive if it wasn’t so sad.”

“Stop rifling around in my stuff!” I jumped into the boat and slammed the lid back down on the barrel and snatched the pocketwatch out of his hands. “It’s just a prank the crew is playing on me.”

“Wow.” Pan shook his head, “You are so deep in denial I think you’re starting to believe yourself. Delusions won’t do well for you, Lady Jones. Best to just accept the grim and heartbreaking reality that you’ve been abandoned by the only family you’ve ever known and try to move on.”

“Whatever sick mind game you think you’re playing--”

“No games,” He grinned, drawing closer so he was nose to nose staring me down. “I’ll leave you be, see how long you can hold out before you accept your predicament. I wager you’ll last maybe a week before that stubbornness finally breaks.”

I shoved him hard and he fell back into the shallows of the shore. I stood above him my blood up and my fists clenched. “You will never break me.”

“Break you?” He started to laugh and the noise sent a tremor of danger through my bones. “I don’t want to break you. Oh no, why would I ever want to extinguish that red hot fire you having burning inside you? I don’t want you broken, my little spitfire. I want nothing more than to add wood to the fire. I want to see how hot you can burn.”

What in the world did he mean? Before I could ask what he was on about he disappeared again. Fine, at least he’s gone now. I can…

I looked down at the floor of the boat and nearly screamed. He took the oars!

I pushed the boat back onto shore and strapped my weapons back onto my person. If this was the game Pan wanted to play then so be it. I would need to find a better source of food if I was going to be stranded here longer. Whenever Pan was done with this idiotic game then he was going to have a lot of angry pirates after him I knew that much.

I stared down at the pocketwatch still in my hand and clicked it open. The hands had been stuck at the same time since we got to Neverland but still it ticked for some reason. On the inside was an inscription. A favorite saying of papa’s that he always wanted me to remember. Those unwilling to fight for what they want deserve what they get. “Well, I’ll keep fighting. I will always keep fighting, papa. I’ll fight until I find a way back to you.”

The rest of the day I spent foraging for food and keeping a weather eye out for any sign of the ship or the crew. I started a fire and stared out over the sea as night fell. Surely someone would come by tomorrow. Someone would come.

The next day was more of the same. I pulled out one of my books to read during the dull hours of nothing that made up my day. Pan did not show up at least. I don’t know whether that is better or worse.

Another day and I decided to build a small shelter in case it ended up raining. Nothing special. Just some sticks tied together and lots of fronds to create a roof over my head. No rain came but I felt like I got something accomplished during my wait.

I spent the entire next day walking the shore of the island. I made a lap around it twice before I started to get hungry and retired to the jungle to hunt down some food. I spotted some of the Lost Boys from a distance but none of them approached me. I realized that I hadn’t spoken to anyone since I pushed Pan into the water.

None of my books were holding my interest and practicing with my sword was frustrating. I went for a swim and let the familiar rock of the ocean ease my mind. I hummed an old lullaby papa used to sing to me when I was a child. I would give anything to hear his voice. I would give anything to hear the hoarse sea shanties the crew would sing. I ducked my head under the water so the tears couldn’t roll down my face.

The temporary shelter I made on the beach was now a small hut. There was more room inside for me to store my books and other belongings. That night I could hear music coming from the jungle and it sounded so inviting. I laid in my hut unable to move in fear of what that could mean.

A week had gone by and still Pan had not tired of this game. He said he would give me a week till I broke down and accepted that I had been abandoned. I held my little bunny toy close to my chest and reminded myself that Pan is a liar. Pan is a liar. Pan is a liar. Papa will come for me. I know papa will come for me.

Two weeks. I tried to find Tinkerbell but the fairy was well hidden in the jungle. I was desperate for someone to talk to. The music at night grew louder and louder to the point my crying was the only thing that could block it out.

Pan visited me after a month. He sat down with me as I cooked myself dinner. He offered to take me back to his camp for a better meal but I declined. I needed to be here in case one of the crew came looking for me. When I looked back at him I could see pity in his eyes. It made me sick.

Tinkerbell came upon my camp one morning and asked what I was doing here. I told her about how papa had sent me to get fresh water and then how Pan made the ship disappear. I could tell she wanted to say something but she didn’t. She invited me back to her treehouse for tea and I nearly cried with joy. Finally, some real human interaction.

I am talking a mile a minute as Tinkerbell leads me through the jungle towards her treehouse. After over a month of having no one but my bunny toy to talk to I couldn’t get the words to stop flowing out of my mouth. If she thought it was annoying she didn’t say anything.

We climbed the long ladder up to her treehouse and she sat me down as she made a pot of tea. It was bitter and scalded my tongue with how fast I drank it. Nothing had tasted better.

“So, you’re Hook’s kid.” Tink nodded at me. “Gotta say I’m surprised. He talked about you of course but he never gave me any details.”

“I’m not surprised. Papa likes to keep things close to the chest even with those he trusts.” I gripped the mug a little tighter, “I guess it has something to do with being a pirate.”

“And you say it’s been over a month since you saw him last?” Tink asked.

“Yes. I came ashore to grab fresh water and when I turned around the ship was gone. I figured Pan was keeping it hidden with some kind of cloaking spell and blocking the crew from leaving the ship but it’s getting to be so long now.” I stared down into my mug. “All my possessions on the ship were in the boat with me when I sailed out and I don’t know how to justify it anymore.”

“Hey kid,” Tink scooted over to the spot next to me and put an arm around my shoulders. “Are you gonna be okay?”

“I have no idea.” I sniffed, “I hear music at night coming from the jungle. It scares me. It scares me cause I want to follow it. I try to remember things but they keep slipping away before I can grasp them.”

“That’s the curse of the island. You stay here long enough and you start to forget. The past, your life, even the things that seem ingrained in your soul fade away.”

“But I don’t want to forget. I want to go home. I want to go back to the ship with the crew and papa.” Tears started to leak from my eyes, “I don’t want to forget anything.”

“I’m afraid there’s no way around it. If you’re hearing the music then there’s really not much you can do.”

I started crying harder. Tinkerbell didn’t say a word as I wept and wailed. Everything was slipping away from me and I couldn’t do anything to stop it. I tried to recall the faces of everyone on the ship but they’re blurry. I could only remember specific things like scars and tattoos. Even names wouldn’t come easily. I thought of my father and tried to burn his image in my head. What color were his eyes again? Green? No, blue! Maybe?

I apologized to Tinkerbell for breaking down like I did. I was stronger than that. It was just that after a month of having no one to talk to and wondering if my father was ever going to come rescue me I was in a fragile place. She did not begrudge me my grief and walked me back to my hut on the beach.

The sun was setting and soon it would be night. The music would come again. I know it would. Inviting and terrifying at the same time. Tonight it would stop though. It’s another trick of Pan’s. A ploy to get me to break. If I can stop the music then I can stop forgetting.

Night fell and the fire I had made was now only glowing embers. I stared into their warm dimming light when the first notes of a haunting melody floated through my ears. I lit a lantern and stood up staring into the dark jungle. It was time for the music to end.

---

(Next)

[thehubby]

Mike I need help. Every single time my players hit town they shop. Even if we had just gotten a bunch of stuff in the last session, and they swore up and down they didn't need *anything else*, they still go immediately to shop for more things and I'm getting frustrated and bored. We just had four weeks worth of sessions like this and I'm at the end of my patience. I had to shut the session down tonight before we even started because I said "we did a lot of shopping yesterday, so why don't we speed that up and leave town since there's nothing else you need." They immediately vetoed the idea and said no, actually, there was stuff they wanted to shop for!! Even though we just spent SIX HOURS shopping and talking to npcs yesterday!! My brain hit a wall and I had to tell them "I'm done, I can't do this anymore."

Help me MikeyWan Kenobi. You're my only hope.

Long post ahead.

I am here for you, Anon. I feel your pain. Actually, that's unfair of me -- I understand your pain but have not experienced it myself because my table of players is very well balanced, and although one or two of them have an affinity for shopping, it's partly my fault for making so many homebrew items and letting them occasionally nab a few from shops. Still, the other players at the table keep them in line and keep the game moving reasonably. It sounds like your entire table (or at least the majority) is driving you crazy in this regard, which is a more difficult challenge.

Here are my suggestions. I can't guarantee that they will work against diehard shopaholics, but this general flow often works for obsessive player behavior in general (murder-hoboing, insistence on lots of combat, refusal to fight, power-playing, and so on). You may tackle any or all of these in whatever order you think will benefit your group. You know your players better than I.

Figure out and understand why your players are doing this. There could be lots of reasons. Some players, particularly long-time veterans (who were often brought up in "Monty Haul" adventures) or raised on modern MMOs and computer RPGs, become driven by the acquisition of items -- to them, if their character isn't adorned like a Christmas tree, they aren't a success. There are also players who have "big spender" syndrome, an actual behavioral condition that exhibits in tabletop and digital RPGS: the player believes that their rise to power and success as a character can only be evidenced when they demonstrate their wealth. Not to put on my Psych 101 hat, but this is sometimes a projection of the player's own worldviews and experiences with wealth (or lack thereof; after all, some people play games like this as an escape from the reality of their own hardships). In addition to staying at upscale inns (if they haven't acquired their own property) and eating fine foods (if they haven't sought out a private chef on retainer), their characters also interact with a lot of shopkeepers, who are generally pleased to see people laden with coin and interested in their wares. I mean, who doesn't like being able to throw around money for the latest glimmering bauble while the sales associate waits ever patiently? But for some, it goes much further, and can be every bit the same pleasure as getting the killing blow on that blue dragon. And finally, some players are really just there for the talking. That's their whole bag. They would be happy putting all their skill points into Diplomacy, Intimidate, Sense Motive and using every stat as a dump except Charisma. It's weird, given the combat-oriented nature of the game, but those people really do exist.

Understanding the motivation behind your player behaviors will give you the best chance of curtailing that behavior in a way that satisfies both you and them.

You said your players vetoed leaving town and immediately said that there were things they wanted to shop for. My question, were I in your shoes and with your level of frustration, would be to ask what such things were, and if the characters had a legitimate need for the items. If the characters know what they are looking for, you as GM can immediately determine if they're available in town, and if they're exotic, perhaps there might be some searching or wheeling and dealing to even find where they are sold. If the players are looking for typical fare like more healing potions or a replacement for those +1 arrows they used up, this is easily handled without a 20 minute chat-fest, especially if it's your third such today. If the players don't know what they want, and just want to see what's available, don't hesitate to ask them why they believe they are ill-equipped for their continuing adventures despite you or NPCs telling them as such.

Such behavior can also be forcibly slowed or even stopped through the world-controlling power you wield as the GM, although if not handled delicately, this can significantly raise tensions at the table. The PCs, having arrived in town after a week subduing trolls in the Sootblack Hills, find that the stores are all but empty of magic items. Even the most basic potions and scrolls are a crapshoot to find; they might scour the entire city in search of any place that even has a magic weapon available? Why? Plenty of reasons. War has broken out, and supplies for every city in a couple hundred miles have been bought up or seized by the warring factions. Perhaps the ruling monarch (or council or whatever) has decreed for unknown reasons that the manufacture and sale of magical items is forbidden, punishable by imprisonment. An ancient order may have been awoken and has begun the theft or destruction of arcane equipment -- except for their own, of course. These turns of events might cause the PCs' own equipment to become even more valuable (or a threat to their safety) -- but any newfound wealth will do them little good with nothing magical to buy. All of these and similar actions are only stop-gaps; eventually, the PCs would be expected to help resolve the war, overthrow the sovereign, defeat the ancient order, or whatever is in their way. And then you're back to where you are now.

Always keep in mind the Wealth By Level restrictions for characters. This represents how much wealth a character possesses at any one time for their level (some GMs take a more stringent view that it represents the total wealth a PC will have accrued by that point in their career, so if the players fritter it away on women and chimichangas, tough noogies.) Characters can only buy things if they have the wealth to do so. Selling items they don't want comes with a steep penalty. Even in great condition, shops rarely pay more than half price for an item due to taxes, restocking fees, how long it might take to sell, and so on. What this ultimately comes down to is that you control just how much these characters can buy and sell. They can only buy items if they have the coin, and they can only get the coin that you give them, or a lesser value for selling items they don't want. Become more stringent with money. At some point, the money runs out, and selling hard-earned loot for half its value stops being so fun. Do you really want to lose effectively 2,000 gold crowns for selling that +2 axe, or do you want to maybe put it to some use and come out more powerful than you would have buying some weaker item with the proceeds? If players decline to ever sell their equipment yet still expect to find new equipment, you can accommodate them by destroying their equipment. Enemies can sunder weapons and armor; a number of spells, magical effects or environmental hazards can deal damage to and potentially break anything exposed to them. This isn't being vengeful; it's being a good GM. [I remember watching Critical Role and over many episodes, perhaps the most traumatic and thrilling experience the players had (apart from character deaths) was when their beloved flying carpet was eaten by acid or lava or something. But it was a natural consequence of their actions, and they took it in stride, as they should.]

Finally, as with all things, you are the law. I always, always recommend talking with your players, either individually or as a table if needed, to tackle either your own frustrations or those of one or more players. But if push comes to shove, it's your game. You (presumably) respect the players by coming up with adventures, scenarios, NPCs, locations and all sorts of other stuff for them to tackle in a manner you expect to be fun. If they refuse to respect your preparation time and the time you spend at the table, by insisting to engage in continuous, pointless NPC discussions despite you expressing your dissatisfaction, then tell them you can't do it anymore. It isn't fun for you, and if the only way that they can have fun is in a way that is directly contradictory to you having fun, the game isn't going to work, period. If they sincerely change, fantastic; try to accommodate their need for shopping when you can and get on with the grand story at other times. If they refuse to change, leave them and get another table. That last part isn't always easy to do, and depending on your area, it might take a while to get another game going, but often a table where you're not having fun (and working hard to do it) is worse than no table at all. I wish you luck.

[carnelianns]

Unnerving (Mitsuhide Akechi)

Genre: Humour, Fluff

Word Count: 1.6k+

A/N: a day in the life of mitsuhide akechi.. as a child. there’s barely any mentions of mc cos the ask wasn’t centered on that so... also it wasn’t specified so i jus made it like this :>

Unnerving...

Is the first thing Mitsuhide thinks when he looks down upon his tiny form, one being swept up by the flimsy fit of his now oversized sleepwear.

Now he usually isn’t the type of person to panic over, well, any situation, really, but his current predicament admittedly has him staring at himself for a good few minutes before owning up to it, sighing belatedly.

With golden eyes seemingly far too big to hold such a daunting expression and lips too small to harbor a smile of malice, Mitsuhide can only ignore his problem, doing his best to keep his questions of why he’s stuck like this at rest.

Like this, meaning like a child.

Although I do wish the gods bestowed upon me this wonderful blessing on another day. There’s a sarcasm only he can hear in his thought as he trudges towards a certain room in the Azuchi Castle in some hurriedly bought kimono — one his maids hesitantly asked him if he needed assistance in putting on. He did not take their offer.

(He wishes he didn’t, but it was far too late, and there’s a very thin line between being “fashionably late” and receiving one of Hideyoshi’s lectures.)

After much confusion from the guards guarding the Castle — and for good reason; he’s currently a child, after all — Mitsuhide makes his way towards the meeting room, sliding the shoji open, the welcoming chatter of the other warlords filling his small ears.

“Mitsuhide, you’re finally here! I told you not to be late—”

“... Lord Mitsuhide?”

“Huh.”

“What the fuck.”

“Masamune, language!”

“What a warm welcome.” He smiles, ignoring the numerous pairs of eyes on him as he takes his seat. “I apologise for being late, my lord. I was in a bit of a.. predicament.”

Nobunaga’s blank look slowly morphs into a slight smirk, only bringing Mitsuhide’s eye to twitch ever-so slightly.

“I must say, Mitsuhide, you do look rather.. small today.”

He’s never really thought of flooring his lord, though he does admit it passes his mind at times. This is one of those times.

“And if I may kindly ask, what the fuck.” Masamune’s voice rings in his ear, the child in question turning his head to his side to see a confused yet slightly grinning fiend. 

Everyone seems so punchable today… I wonder why.

“Masamune, language!”

“I said kindly this time,” he argues, turning back with a shit-eating grin. “Are you really Mitsuhide? You look.. tiny.”

No one asked for your opinion, you intolerable troll. His insults do seem a bit childish today. Mitsuhide’s quite glad his brain-to-mouth filter is still working properly, though.

“Yes, I agree, he does look a bit smaller today. Perhaps I need new glasses..?” 

Or you need a new brain. The innocent way in which Mitsunari rubs his eyes only brings the man in question to clench his jaw infinitesimally.

“I woke up like this is the truth. You may not believe me but,” the enigmatic smirk on Mitsuhide’s face grows even more as he meets the eyes of every participant in the room. “I could care less. So, shall we start?”

Silence drones through the room for a few moments before being broken by a few snickers. Nobunaga is letting out a hearty laugh, Masamune’s chuckling whilst pinching the child’s cheek, and Hideyoshi has his hands clasped together, almost as if muttering a prayer.

“Don’t say such things with that look on your face. It’s..” Ieyasu pauses, grimacing. “Disgusting. Please.”

“Lord Ieyasu used the word please! He must be desperate.”

“Shut up, Mitsunari.”

The council finally starts after a few more painstaking minutes.

Mitsuhide absolutely detests being in a child's body. It’s his biggest takeaway from today. In all honesty, he thought he could go about as if there was nothing wrong. 

He, in fact, could not. The poor man couldn’t even take a single step without getting called out. 

“Hey, shortie, what’s the weather like down there?”

“Masamune, I ask you to kindly leave before you lose your other eye.”

The man in question snickers, only ruffling Mitsuhide’s hair like one does a child’s — which is exactly what he is.

The action only brings a grimace to his normally smirking face.

“Tough talk for a little fella like yourself, don’t you think?”

Masamune managed to leave without a single scratch on his body. Fortunately.

Really, just what in the world happened for him to turn into this.. monstrosity? He’s quite confident in his looks, but he does admit that his past self does have some chubbiness in—

“Ack! I’m so sorry! You were just so small, I didn’t see you there.”

Mitsuhide manages a smile. “It would have been better if you left the last part out, Mitsunari.”

There’s a visible change in those violet eyes of his, almost as if much more focused and determined than before. “Lord Mitsuhide, if you’d like, I can stay with you as to ensure you do not face the same—”

“I would not like that.”

Mitsunari recoils slightly at his tone, before nodding solemnly. “Alright.”

When he finally makes his way towards the kitchen for some water, he bumps into yet another person. Now, he honestly has nothing against Hideyoshi, but the way the man’s eyeing him as if he could quite so literally break any second now was a bit unsettling. Just a tiny bit. 

Mitsuhide barely reaches up for a cup when the Mother Hen says, “Do you need help with that?”

Almost automatically… Mitsuhide visibly shudders, just a tiny bit.

“Though I do appreciate your kindness, I’ll’ have to decline. I’m not a child, Hideyoshi.”

There’s a complete and utter silence as they exchange looks. It’s as if a thousand words were attacking the young child from those bright, emerald orbs of his comrade.

Almost pleadingly, “... You are.”

Almost defeatedly, “... I am.”

Hideyoshi helps him with his cup of water. An unspoken agreement to never speak of this again was made. 

And just right before he was about to leave the Azuchi Castle, a summon from his lord was received. Of course, the man is in no position to say no, so Mitsuhide trudges with his tiny, five year old legs towards his lord’s chambers with numerous thoughts about what could possibly be the topic of their conversation running through his head. 

… Having a tea party with Oda Nobunaga was not one of them. 

“My lord, if I may ask, why are we sharing tea right now?” He inquires carefully after a while, gratefully accepting the konpeito coming from Nobunaga’s large and calloused hands.

“Do you not enjoy it?”

Just when a few lines of denial were about to tumble out of his mouth, Nobunaga — laughs, only causing amber eyes to widen slightly. 

“You just looked awfully tiny like this. It brought back memories.”

The simple words betray the way his lord’s eyes softened for just a split second. Just like how it did when they were children. 

Memories of loud laughter and booming yells, of days spent in the fields and innocent games of hide and seek flood his mind.

“... I see.” Is all he can say.

After peacefully — albeit quite awkwardly as well — chatting with the daimyo for a few more minutes, Mitsuhide finally acquires the signal to leave. Bowing one last time, he slides the shoji closed, making his way towards the entrance of the Castle. 

Slowing down ever-so slightly, he notices how everything just seems so much.. bigger. How his steps feel lighter, how the stars almost shined brighter against their dark canvas. 

It’s as if being reverted to a child brings him back the slightest bit of child-like innocence as well. 

“Mitsuhide.” 

He’s brought out of his thoughts when a familiar voice fills his ears, instantly being bombarded by a flash of yellow. A displeasing shade of yellow, really. Just the shade. He thinks.

It’s as if being reverted to a child brings him back the slightest bit of hostility as well. Not that he’ll admit it, of course.

“To what do I owe this lovely pleasure, Ieyasu?” He ignores the slight sarcasm in his own tone. 

The taller man only sighs, shoving a piece of paper into his tiny hands. Mitsuhide catches a grimace on his face as he averts his gaze, wide eyes moving towards the many scribbles on the crumpled paper.

“I researched why you’re.. in this form again.” Ieyasu starts walking away, his back turned. “I want you to turn back quicker.”

There’s the slightest tinge of pink on his ears, and Mitsuhide smirks wide at finally being granted the upperhand.

“It seems as though you wish for me to return back to normal, Ieyasu. I’m flattered; do you miss my adult self that much?”

A loud scoff resonates through the halls, the man in question not bothering to turn back. “I’d rather die than say that.”

The sound of his footsteps come to a halt after a few more moments, and from what Mitsuhide sees, it’s as if the man is weighing out his words at the end of the hallway.

Finally, he hears, “You’re just disturbing to look at in this form. To see a child tangled up in all this mess is…”

Mitsuhide wakes up the next day as himself, as the conniving warlord, the cunning fox. He’s glad that he’s back, glad that he’s finally an adult once more. Yet why is there that particular emptiness in his chest, thinking of what was, of what could have been?

(Of the times without war and without blood, withought fights and without betrayal. Without the loss of innocence, without the loss that comes with being an adult.)

He drowns these away, before it’s him that’s drowning.

There’s a few thoughts in his head, leftovers from the fever dream that was yesterday. Although only one remains as he stares at the clumsy mess of a girl, far too pure and far too.. breakable for this world. 

Dragged into this hell after innocently saving his lord’s life. 

His heart almost aches. Almost. He finds he doesn’t really have a heart capable of doing so.

To see a child tangled up in all this mess is… unnerving.

[purplesurveys]

1264

Who are you subscribed to on YouTube?  Oh man, I’m probably subscribed to over a hundred, if not 200. I’ve subscribed to channels relevant to interests I’ve had over the years, and since it’s not my habit to do spring cleaning on my feeds, the subscriptions have just keep piling up even if I no longer keep up with literally like 98% of them.

Do you like to go to the farmer's market?  I don’t think I’ve ever been in one yet. They aren’t very common here and the ones we do have are pricey and mostly inaccessible to the everyday consumer, I’m sure.

What will (or was) the color of your wedding dress be?  I wouldn’t want any other color than white.

What's your favorite melon?  I don’t like fruits.

What was the name of the last pet of yours that died?  Arlee. Technically my family mostly considered her as just Nina’s pet, but the sting was felt all the same when we learned she died.

When was the last time you wished the day would just get over with?  Yesterday, because it was Friday. Pretty self-explanatory, I wanted to get to the weekend so I can finally let go of work for a couple of days.

Name one person you've never had a fight with:  Andi. I think we’re both afraid of pissing the other off, which works out for us lol.

What are you currently listening to?  I can just hear the really loud whirring of my electric fan because it’s a grossly humid day today.

What would you rather have: cat or dog?  Dogs.

Who is your least favorite person in real life?  I have a lot of uncles I just don’t like.

Do you ever watch anybody's live stream of... anything, really?  Technically, yeah. I will sometimes tune in to livestreams of lofi music on YouTube, but I do it to listen, not to watch. 

Does your house have security cameras?  No.

If you go grey as you age, would you dye your hair or let it be?  I think I might dye it for a certain period of time, but I also think I would eventually reach the point where I’ll just accept it and slowly let go of the dye.

What was the last establishment you stopped going to due to bad service? What happened?  I haven’t run into much bad service, but I’ll never forget how long my order and bill took for Mad Mark’s. I never really vowed per se to never go back there again and I definitely didn’t confront the staff, but I haven’t eaten there since that incident.

What soundtrack do you listen to the most?  Not a big soundtrack listener.

Was there a family secret you weren’t told about until you were an adult?  Nah, they’re kept from us until now. The biggest one I’ve heard about was having a kleptomaniac in the family but we were never told who it is.

Do you have an opinion most people you meet seem to disagree with you?  Yeah, my dislike for fruits.

What’s something you like to have many options to choose from?  Clothes, I guess, like bucket hats. I don’t shop a lot and clothes aren’t a priority in my budget, so when I do pick out clothes, it has to be exactly what I want so that I don’t feel it was a waste of money.

What’s the strangest decorative object you own?  We have several quirky, disconnected decor in the living room from gifts we’ve acquired over the years. One object I can tell you about is the polar bear glass figurine we have on the coffee table.

What’s a thing you couldn’t imagine doing with your life right now?  Dating around.

What’s been your proudest moment?  Managing to stay alive this year and turn my life around for the better when I thought there was no hope.

What’s the filthiest non-pornographic movie you’ve seen?  Eyes Wide Shut, probably.

Do you know anyone who doesn't seem to be fond of animals?  I don’t think so. Like any animal...? I would find that quite odd, honestly. And I wouldn’t want to be friends with them if we weren’t already close .

Are you planning any outings or trips anytime soon? Whereabouts?  No, nothing set in stone. I do want to fly out to South Korea soon, though.

Do you know anyone who has a phobia of a certain animal?  I know a few people who are afraid of dogs.

Is there a particular brand of technology/electronics that you prefer?  Yeah, Apple.

Is there a singer whose voice gives you goosebumps/chills?  Hayley Williams and Jin, especially when he’s belting; and I don’t listen to her much, but I find that Billie Eilish has a unique voice that sounds really nice.

And is there a singer whose voice you simply can't stand?  Selena Gomez for some of her songs, Meghan Trainor for most of her songs.

Are there any authors that are particularly dominant on your bookshelf?  No.

Have you seen any photographs or videos that made you smile today?  Sure.

Which item in your fridge are you most looking forward to consuming? My aunt sent over this gigantic-ass slab of salmon that I can’t wait to eat as sashimi. I already had a few pieces last night and it was hea ven ly.

Has anyone you know got into a new relationship lately?  Hmm, I don’t think so. I know my coworker Dev got into a relationship a few weeks ago but it fizzled out as soon as it started because the guy was shitty.

If you menstruate, do you experience much PMS prior to it?  Only on the emotional side; I rarely get physical symptoms. I usually feel down or emotionally heavy a few days before my period.

Have you ever had a tattoo covered up or added to?  No, I don’t have any tattoos. Can you remember the last time you had a sudden change of mind?  Hmm, like last night. I wanted to stay up to maximize the weekend, buuuut I decided against it and slept instead since I had been up since 2 in the morning.

When was the last time you did something on a whim?  Two weeks ago when I impulsively dropped a thousand bucks to have cheese tarts delivered to Angela and Reena, hahaha.

Were you raised by both of your parents? If not, then who raised you?  My mom, grandma, and one of my aunts were the main people who raised me. Dad works overseas, so he was never at home much.

Have you ever began a relationship with someone you knew for less than a week?  No, I wouldn’t do that.

Has one of your friends ever tried to ‘hook you up?’  Mik tried to pair me with one of his friends just days before I finally implied on social media that I was no longer in a relationship. It was a cool ego boost but I declined, since my emotions were still super turbulent then. Andi tried to initiate sex with me once too, but I also declined.

What is your card game of choice?  I hate card games; I can never seem to understand them lmao, though that’s really more of a me problem than anything else.

What is your favourite books series?  Growing up, I really loved the Septimus Heap series. But the thing about it was that I got into it while the series was still ongoing; and with how bad my attention span is, I always forgot the events/plot whenever the newest book came out. 

So whenever that happened I had to read the entire series from Book 1; eventually the number of books I had to reread/revisit became too many (it was a seven-part series) and I simply just lost the time to read and I never got to know about the conclusion.

Do you prefer landmarks or street names when being given directions?  Street names – more precise. Landmarks to me can be pretty subjective – a green building might look blue to me, and I could just end up being lost.

Do you read the prologues in the beginnings of books?  Sure.

What was your favourite gym class moment?  If I genuinely like or already play the sport that was being taught. That’s why PE table tennis was a lot of fun for me.

Do you think that ocean boardwalks are fun?  I’ve never been on one but I imagine they are fun, yeah.

Do you dread when people ask you to sign their yearbooks?  That’s not a tradition here.

Do you have a favourite Scooby-Doo movie?  No. I was too young for Scooby-Doo in a sense that I do remember watching the movies as a 3/4 year old as they were kept on in the background at home, but I didn’t get any of the plots/didn’t really appreciate the films.

Do you think it’s cute when toddlers try to run away and fall down?  Sometimes, yeah. If the fall looked nasty I would obviously be concerned.

Do you enjoy listening to your grandparents tell stories of their past?  Honestly, only one of my grandparents would be the type to do this but he’s been dead for six years now. It’s a big shame he passed before I could bond with him the way I had always wanted to. My three other grandparents are either too closed off or too quiet to share stories from their youth.

Do you have a crush on someone? Nah, nothing more than a celebrity crush.

If so... what does his/her name begin with? 

What attracts you to them? 

Do they know that you like them? 

If they don't know, why didn't you tell them? 

Name two people that you miss:  Angela and Laurice.

Have you ever seen Titanic?  More times than I can count. I’m sure I memorize like 80% of the script, too.

Have you ever swam with dolphins?  No. I’m not so sure if I’ve seen dolphins, either. Maybe I have? Or maybe I’m confusing it with whales...idrk.

When was the last time you had a stomachache?  Wednesday.

What's going to bed early for you?  11 PM or midnight.

Do you want to have a big family in the future?  I used to, but I don’t think that’s the future I want anymore. One or two kids should be okay.

What was the last thing you did that gave you a rush?  Technically speaking, an orgasm, I guess?? Lmao idk

Favorite Nicholas Cage movie?  I don’t think I have one.

Have you had your Covid vaccine yet? Which one, if you have?  Yeah, I’m fully dosed. Sinovac.

If you've had your vaccine, did you experience any side effects?  I was suuuuuuper tired right after my first dose and I wanted to be knocked the fuck out, but I went right back to work after the shot because I am allergic to filing leaves hahaha. Second dose went smoothly.

What's the next item of clothing that you intend to buy for yourself?  A bucket hat or maybe one of the Fila x BTS shirts because the collection is actually quite cute!

What Facebook groups have you found the most helpful?  I join Facebook groups to be entertained, not because I actively look for advice.

Do you like your butt? Why or why not?  Yeah. It...has a good form hahahahahaha.

Have you ever personally been a victim of homophobia?  Yes, a few years ago I went to a food park with my ex-girlfriend. I was already not feeling my best that day to begin with, so having to see an old woman stare daggers at us for what felt like years really stung. I felt small under her look and almost cried, but in the end I felt angry that I momentarily felt shame about my relationship. I decided to just piss the woman off on purpose and do PDA right in front of her.

Do you think you’d be happier if you had a pet? I have two dogs at present and I know they make me extremely happy.

Who was the last person you went on a date with?  Gabie.

Were you ever hospitalized as a little kid?  No. The first and only time I was hospitalized (other than being birthed), I was about 12, I think.

What’s your favorite way to curl your hair?  I don’t do that. I rarely style my hair.

At what age did you start swearing?  I was 11.

What is something you physically can’t do?  Ride a bike.

What do like better, apples or oranges?  I don’t like any fruits; but in terms of flavored stuff, I like orange-flavored food, especially chewy candy, slightly more.

Around the holidays, do you hope for snow?  Well, no.

What are your top two favorite bands?  Paramore and Against Me!

How many people do you 100% trust?  There are a handful. I generally trust easily just because I like to believe all people are kind and loyal – but I can also take it away in the snap of a finger.

Do you care what others think about you?  Not so much.

Has anyone ever called you a bitch?  Sure.

Did you watch Teletubbies when you were younger?  Yeah but just super super faint memories. It wasn’t one of my main shows.

Do you have any licenses other than your driver's license?  I don’t.

Could you live the rest of your life without eating meat?  I doubt it. I could try, but I think I’d get cranky and start looking for meat way earlier than I would like to admit.

Have you ever had a rolling backpack?  Yup, if you mean a stroller. I think I’ve answered this on a previous survey.

Did you make any money today?  No, because it’s a weekend. What was the highest place you've ever jumped from?  Nothing dramatically high. I’ve had acrophobia-themed nightmares in the past, so even though I don’t actually have a fear of heights, the idea of jumping from a high place still makes me antsy.

Have you ever gone swimming in a river?  Not that I can recall.

What was the last souvenir someone got you?  I dunno if it counts but Andi bought merch from the AEW shop but made sure to also get a CM Punk sticker set for me :(

Do you have a favorite remix of a song?  Remixes have never been my thing. What do you think is the most saddest sounding instrument?  Piano.

Do you really pay attention to the ratings on movies?  Yeah they can definitely affect the level of appreciation I hold towards a film. For instance, if I genuinely enjoyed a movie only to find out it has average to bad reviews, it invites me to think more critically about the movie.

Do you have a favorite species of wild cat (tiger/lion/cougar/etc.)?  No.

If you had $500,000, what would you do with it?  Give half to my parents and let them do whatever they wish it. With the remaining P12,500,000, I’d probably get myself my own condo and have it fully furnished, then get braces, then get a new phone and laptop. I’ll have a bunch of money still left, I’m pretty sure – the rest of it I’ll save.

Did the last person you touched lips with have a kid?  No. I mean, I have honestly no clue what’s going on in her life now, but I know she doesn’t want kids so this is very unlikely.

"First loves are never really over." Is this true for you?  It’s true in a sense that she left me a lot of trauma and self-esteem issues that will irrevocably always be a part of me now even though I’ve worked hard to resolved most of them by myself.

Did you like Michael Jackson before he died?  Yes, because he has always been my favorite singer’s role model.

What are some things that would make you break up with someone?  I don’t know how to answer this question, honestly. All the red flags were thrown and tossed and slapped into my face and down my throat for six years yet I never left. I don’t actually know what my limits are, and I believe it’s because my coping mechanism has to just accept things and suck them up no matter how bad they get. That’s what I’m trying to change for myself now.

What was the worst breakup you've ever had?  I’ve had two breakups with the same person, and the second one was worse.

[calumbringbackthewatermelonshirt]

Hiraeth (C.H.)

Hiraeth: a homesickness for a home you can never return to, a home which maybe never was. 

a/n: welcome back. please enjoy this entirely too long calum hood boarding school au. I did my best, but if there are any discrepancies PLEASE send me an ask and tell me!!! I included the women of 5sos for more character diversity and I low-key kind of love it! this is about the first 10 pages and theres dozens more to come that are already written! come hell or high-water, I am committing to finishing this wip, please feel free to send me thoughts and questions!!!

“Crap.” Sierra muttered under her breath when she noticed the sign on the old RA’s door. Even though she wouldn’t have considered them friends, Sierra was at least comfortable enough with the old RA to go to her when Sierra needed to get into her room. She really had to start keeping track of her keys better.

Stalking back down the hallway, she went to go find Kaykay, knowing her roommate would definitely have her keys.

….

“A new RA?” Calum sounded skeptical over dinner the next day. “It’s kind of late in the school year for that.”

“What do you care, Hood?” Michael rested his weight on his elbows on the table and smirked at Hood over his sandwich. “Afraid of a little competition?”

“What competition?” Luke looked up from his latest novel, some clunky old thing he was reading in french.

“Competition for the best RA, duh.” Kaykay kicked her feet up onto the table, only to have Hood shove them back onto the ground. Hood never let her have her feet on the table when they were eating but that didn't stop her from putting them up there. One day, one day she would be able to keep them up there for the entirety of the lunch. It was like her white whale. “Maybe this one will let us play poker on her floor.”

“Yeah, well, she’s not off to a great start. I got locked out earlier and had to find Kaykay to let me into our room.” Sierra was still a little bothered by that. Even though rationally she knew she should cut the new RA some slack, her blisters were making it kinda hard to forget her trek.

“Come on now, Si. A little walking never killed anybody.” Michael gave Sierra a grin that stretched wide across his face, but if there was anyone who could resist it, it was Sierra.

“You’re not the one who had to walk all the way across campus.” Sierra was grumbling into her food, but it was still audible to Kaykay, who smothered a snicker.

“Give her a chance, Sierra. The new RA was probably still moving in. Be nice.” Crystal was palming orange slices into Luke’s hands as he read, who was robotically eating them. Kaykay, on the other hand, was blowing her straw wrapper at Luke’s face, cheering when she hit him. Luke didn’t seem to register either one of them.

“Coach says we’re getting someone new on the soccer team. Maybe it’s also the new RA?” Kaykay picked at her food absentmindedly, as if contemplating the odds of it being the same person. Kaykay was pretty good friends with everyone on the team, but she was on JV and the coach said the new girl would be on varsity.

“Maybe. Everyone finish up. Curfew’s in 15 minutes, and you all need to be back in the dorms by then.” Hood didn’t seem like he put much thought into the conversation that had gone down at the table, more concerned with corralling his bunch into following the rules. It almost never happened, but Hood still tried.

“It’s not like it’ll matter much. Sierra and I don’t have anyone there to tell us we're late.” Kaykay was still playing the cat and mouse game with Hood, her doc martens gracing the table with their presence once more. Hood, to his credit, pushed them off not even a minute later.

Crystal stood up, dragging Luke with her. “Yeah, but we do.”

….

“Do you think she’ll be nice? Or like super strict? God, I hope she’s not super strict. Maybe we’ll get super lucky and get someone like Hood. Michael and Luke are so lucky.” Sierra was kind of nervous. She always got like this when she was gearing up to meet new people. Yet, her rambling subsided when she heard voices echoing down the mahogany hallways.

“No, you cannot set their rooms on fire. I don't care that they replaced your lip gloss with jelly, arson is not the answer. Please just shave their eyebrows like normal students. And go late at night so you don’t get caught. If you get caught, I’ll have to play dumb and that’s kinda hard for the valedictorian.” Kaykay and Sierra watched as two sophomores ran giggling down the hallway, armed with freshly acquired shaving cream and devious new plans.

Sierra and Kaykay locked eyes then spoke in unison. “Definitely cool.”

They took the short walk down to your doorway, where you were leaning and watching the two girls run off. You wore casual clothes, white school t-shirt, blue plaid men’s boxers, and mix-matched socks, one short with an avocado on it and one tall with mini corgis. You were chugging iced coffee through straw like your life depended on it. Sierra took it all in, deciding she liked you by the time her eyes made it up to your metal straw.

You took one look at Sierra and Kaykay, almost studying them. “You heard nothing.”

Sierra was quick to reply, already wanting your approval. “Not a peep. I’m Sierra, and this is Kaykay. We’re on your floor.”

“Ah. Cool beans.” You introduced yourself, looking at Kaykay a second longer than Sierra. “You’re on the soccer team, right?”

“Yeah.” Unlike Sierra, Kaykay clammed up around people she didn’t know, and she was still quiet around the ones she did. “Are you the new girl the coach told us about?”

“I am indeed. I start practicing with you guys tomorrow.” You glanced at a notification that popped up on your phone, scrunching up your eyes a bit to read it. “It’s kinda late. Shouldn’t you two youngsters be asleep? You’ll need it if you wanna grow up big and strong.”

“Yeah, yes, of course. We promise we won't set anyone’s room on fire either.” After a withering glance from you, Sierra grinned. “Not that we would ever do that. Where would someone even get an idea like that?”

You smirked right back at them. “You know where I am if you ever need anything. But be warned, I’m not a morning person.”

With that you turned and shut your door, leaving Sierra and Kaykay standing in the hallway right outside your door.

“Are you thinking what I’m thinking?” Sierra’s smile was as wide as her face allowed. She had a devious look on her face, one that only a person who had illegally downloaded thousands of shows on her laptop could have.

“I never am. I’m pretty sure no one ever is.” Kaykay was skeptical, knowing that whatever was going on in that genius brain of Sierra’s could not be good. Sierra had a nose for sticking her nose in other people’s business.

“Her, plus Hood, equals literally the most perfect couple in the world. Maybe to ever exist.” Oh, she could already see them together, holding hands, you making Hood laugh for once in his life. Him cheering you on at your soccer games. You cheering him on at his if the gang could force him to have fun. Oh, this was perfect. Beyond perfect.

“Are you sure? We probably shouldn’t meddle in other people’s love lives. It might be kinda rude.” Kaykay scrunched up her nose, allowing Sierra to drag her by the wrist back to their room. Kaykay wasn’t a particularly nosy person.She was a big fan of giving herself rules to not get attached, such as ‘hey, don't insert yourself into other people’s love lives.’

“Oh, hush, I’m literally the best cupid. I even have the wings for it.” Sierra was jogging a little now, so many plans already rushing through her head. Sierra had always considered herself a bit of genius, but she had outdone herself this time.

…

“Hello, my darlings!” Sierra was buzzing with excitement. This was a big moment for her. Her scheme was about to be set into motion, and god, was she excited. Hood was stuck in a floor meeting for Lincoln house, which meant you were, too. She took the timing of the meeting as a sign from the gods that this was meant to be. “Listen up please. I have news.”

Sierra remained standing as the others gathered round and took their seats. She waited until everyone sat down and was too busy with their food to interrupt her.

“So. Kaykay and I have met the new RA, and let me tell you, she is amazing.”  Sierra grinned leaning forward on the table. Her words all came out a teensy bit rushed, as they were prone to do when she was excited.

“Weren’t you just hating on that chick yesterday? What changed your mind?” Michael was halfway through his eggs, and three-quarters of the way awake. Sierra could be loud when she got excited, and he wasn’t looking to be all the way awake yet.

“Hush, your leader is speaking. Anywho, she is not a chick, she is a queen. She is also perfect for one pseudo dad floor advisor we know.” Sierra was swatting at Kaykay, who was barely awake, trying to get her to pay attention to her all-knowing speech. Kaykay to her credit, hummed in agreement, albeit with her eyes closed.

“Wait, perfect as in like dating?” Luke looked almost disgusted at the idea of two people in a relationship. Crystal almost let Luke catch her smiling, but hid it at the last second. Crystal guessed he was still in the ‘girls have cooties’ phase, and it amused her to no end.

“She’s pretty cool.” Kaykay's words were soft with sleep, but there was enough of a lull in the conversation from everyone to hear her. “She’s on the soccer team with me.”

“As the most responsible person here, I cannot condone this and will not partake in any scheme you may or may not dream up. However, I also know I can’t stop you. Please just don’t do anything too stupid.” Crystal was sipping a glass of tea, trying not to look bemused by the idea of Hood in a relationship. Even though he was only a year younger than her, she reminisced on her own young love. It would be good for him, Crystal thought to herself. Plus, she had seen you around the library quite a bit. The two of you had chatted, and Crystal already liked you. Maybe she wouldn't have an active role in the forging of the relationship, but that didn’t mean she couldn’t support it.

“I dunno. I’d have to meet her before I could make a judgment on whether she’s good enough for Hood.” Even though Micahel didn’t care to admit it, Hood was the dad to their little group of misfits. Michael didn't want him to get hurt, especially if it would be their fault.

Sierra was grinning her ‘I’m a genius and this is genius’ grin again. “Oh, trust me. She is.”  

…

You were lying on a couch in the commons when their gaggle found you, chewing forbidden gum and texting on a forbidden phone. You had seen them approaching, but still didn’t care enough to put your phone away. You hadn’t taken either of the girls you met last night as a snitch, and from the looks of the girl in the against dress code denim jacket, you were probably right to assume the same about all of them.

“Sup kiddies.” You didn’t even glance up at them. If they weren’t screaming, it wasn’t an emergency. And if it wasn’t an emergency, it wasn’t worth looking up from your intense game of 8-ball for.

“We require assistance.” Sierra was acting as the pseudo leader of the group, speaking up before the others got the chance.

“In what form? We talking ‘hide a body’ or ‘I got locked out’  kind of assistance?” This time you looked up, taking in seven sets of eyes upon you, including Crystal and a different senior you didn’t know. Immediately, you were suspicious. Why would two seniors be needing your help?

“More of the second one, but also not.” You sighed and stood up, stretching as you did so. Nothing like a second-day, midafternoon crisis to get your blood flowing.

“What’s up?” You introduced yourself to the rest of the bunch and gave a quick nod to Crystal. “You’ve got me for 20 minutes and then I have a soccer practice. Actually, you do too, Kaykay.”

“This won’t take long. You have extra library privileges since you're a RA, right?” Sierra took off as soon as you stood up, the rest of the group following, clearly already knowing whatever plan they had formed. You stayed silent, waiting for them to explain more before you promised to be able to help. It was a bit confusing why they needed your help since Crystal actually worked in the library.

“Moving on. We wanna rent out a study room for a little bit this evening and...,” there was a pregnant pause as they all made eye contact between Sierra’s words, “study.”

“Yeah, I’m still not seeing how any of this involves me.” You were near the back next to Crystal, noting Sierra’s wild hairstyle and purple lip gloss, and Kaykay’s various piercings. The group didn’t exactly seem like the rule following type, which made you even more perplexed for their need for you. What could they be getting at?

“We need you to persuade the librarian to bump one of the study room spots open. They’re all filled.” Ah, finally, the truth came out. Luckily for them, you had made good with the librarian after spending most of your free time with her. Being the new kid, plus the pressure from your parents to keep your grades up, equaled having you living in the library. But none of them knew that except for Crystal.

The need for your help in the library made you pause for a second. Crystal worked in the library. She could definitely be of more help than you, and you were pretty sure everyone in the group knew it.

“They like you. They just don’t know how to ask to hangout with you in a normal way.” Crystal lowered her voice, almost whispering. She loved her little band of misfits, but their methods were...unique sometimes. Crystal still tried to support them as much as she could, even if she had to spoil their dramatics sometimes.

“Ah. I see.” You nodded thoughtfully. Crystal was a level headed person. But you could tell she definitely had a fun side, too. “Follow my lead?”

After a smirk and a quick nod, you tried to act thoughtful for a second.

“I dunno. Ms. Robins is a real rule follower. It’s gonna be a hard sell to get her to bend the rules our way. I might need some incentive to help me want to risk getting caught.”  And just like that you had a scheme of your own.

“What are you saying?” Michael, he said his name was, was eyeing you. It was pretty clear he didn’t trust you. It wasn’t your problem, but you figured you should try and look approachable as a new RA.  After all, it was kind of your job.

“Just that. Like, if someone was to offer to buy me a coffee as a thank you, I would be much more willing to take part in your little scheme.” Luke, the young one, opened his mouth as if to deny your calling what they were doing a scheme. “Don’t even deny it, boyo. This is most definitely a scheme.”

The younger kid huffed out a ‘fine,’ easily defeated.

“Back to the matter at hand. What’s in it for me?” You smirked back at them, adrenaline buzzing through your veins.

You could have sworn you heard Kaykay mutter ‘a boyfriend.’

Sierra covered, not that you were sure anything was actually said. “Ashton has a car. He can take you to town and stuff.”

You made eye contact with Ashton, the one who allegedly had a car. It was a bit tempting. Really tempting. There was a coffee shop on campus, and you had a keurig in your room, but it was nothing compared to the taste of mass-manufactured Dunkin Doughnuts coffee. Plus, off campus meant no uniform. That was a win enough.

“Well, then. I think we have ourselves a deal.”  You could already taste the coffee.

…

God, these kids were not slick. You were chatting with Ms. Robins about nothing in particular, not even broaching the subject of the study rooms. You knew Ms. Robins would bump one if you asked, but it was way more fun to do it the hard way. It was kind of funny to watch the little group you were with try to be slick and spy on the conversation without getting spotted, but not one of them was successful.

“Hey, is the room for RAs empty?” There was a study room set aside for RAs when they needed a break from the typical chaos on the floors of the dorms. You wouldn’t call it secret, per say, but you could agree that not well-known was a fitting term.

“Of course dear. It’s all yours if you want it. Do you need the key?”

You said no and thanked the kinder older lady. It was like you said, sometimes it was more fun to do it the hard way.

Everyone gathered around as you walked back to where Crystal and Ashton had been sitting and chatting.

“Bad news. Robins wouldn’t budge.”  You sighed and leaned on the table suppressing a smirk. You had to draw them in first to have a big reveal.

“Damn.” Ashton swore under his breath.

“But…” You raised your finger and cocked your head, finally allowing a grin to cross your face. “I know a secret room.”

“A what?” You finally had Kaykay’s attention, at least. Probably the secret part of your sentence.

“A secret room. Follow.” The floor advisor study room was at the very end of the hallway and had the overhead light above the door flickering, which only added to the “secret room” illusion.

Michael reached the door first, shaking the older knob, which did not open. It was locked, after all. “What now?”

They all looked at you expectantly, but you had come prepared.

“Step aside, peasants.” You whipped out your student I.D., sliding it into the gap between the door and the frame. With a quick swipe and twist of your wrist, the door opened with a click.

Sierra looked like she could hug you, Luke was already in the room, and Michael nodded his head approvingly. Ashton and Kaykay both gave you a high five, though.

“You gotta teach me how to do that!” Kaykay was practically beaming at you, as if you were the coolest person she knew.

“Uh, no. There’s no telling what you would do with that knowledge.” Crystal crossed her arms, but she winked at you as she crossed the threshold into the room.

“Alrighty. Kaykay and I have to get a move on lest we want to run laps til we puke. Enjoy don’t destroy kiddos.” You shut the door behind you and Kaykay, grinning at your little rhyme.

…

“So?” Sierra was excited, and for good reason. She was right. You were perfect, both in general and for Hood.

“Alright, Si, you got me. She’s pretty cool.” Michael was letting his features transform to a smile, ready to hear out the rest of Sierra’s plan. It was official. He was now an accomplice.

“I like her. She’s...fun.” Ashton was studying the corners of the room, finding it up to his posh standards. There was no way this was just a “secret hidden” room, but he didn’t particularly care to give up their new friend’s ruse. “But I’m with Crystal. I’m not going to be a willing participant.”

Sierra gave him her best puppy dog eyes. She had already planned up to step twelve of your and Hood’s relationship, and they would need Ashton’s help if they wanted to get past step five.

“Fine. I will not be an active participant.” They were relentless. Ashton knew that if he didn’t agree now, he’d end up caving later. Might as well agree now on his own terms.

“I think she’s cool. You don’t meet very many people who know how to pick locks any more. Hey, did you guys know that that specific type of lock is actually-” Luke was starting to spiral into obscure facts, as he did sometimes.

“Good, so we're all in agreement.” Sierra was ready. It was time to tell everyone the first few steps of operation “lovebirds.”

The name was a work in progress.

….

You had been adopted. Well, in a way you were. The group from the library had adopted you as one of their own, but you had already adopted all of them as your children. Minus Crystal and Ashton, of course. They had also adopted the younger kids, Crystal in a maternal way and Ashton in an uncle sort of way. But a fun uncle.

You had been eating with them at meals, walking to and from the various buildings with each other, even turning the lounge you had broken them into into your own little hangout. It was kind of nice to be a part of their own little family.

That’s exactly what it was. A family. There was just one piece missing. The “dad”.

“Hood”.

Pretty much all the younger kids did was talk about him, making it clear that he was basically their dad. And that he was a “super cool person if you didn’t count the stick up his ass,” according to Kaykay. You had yet to find out his name. Well, his real name. Apparently, he was the RA to your own brother dorm in Lincoln house and you had still yet to meet him. He was clearly a huge part of this group, though. That just kind of added to your puzzling view of him.

He most definitely was a mystery.

Whenever you brought him up to the group, all they did was look at each other and do a poor job at hiding their smiles. You ignored it for the most part, though. If you were destined to meet Hood, you would. If you weren’t, you wouldn’t.

Still you couldn’t help but wonder about him. Who he was, what he watched on Netflix, what he looked like.

You were in fact thinking about these very things in your morning elevator ride up to your first class of the day. You were still kind of out of it, only on your second cup of coffee and still in your zombie mode.

But, you were awake enough to hear a voice calling out to stop the elevator. And lucid enough to stick your hand in the doors a second before the closed.

Into the elevator rushed a guy about your age, taller and definitely cute. His dark hair was kind of shaggy, but that only added to his appeal for you.

“Thanks.” His voice was deep, but still soft. If you were any more awake, you’d ask for his number.

“No problem.” Instead of laying on the moves, you resigned yourself to taking another long slurp of your coffee, relaxing back against the railing of the elevator.

“You, um, you have something in your hair.” You looked up at him, cocking your eyebrow. Of course you had something in your hair. With the cutest guy you've met at this school thus far staring at you. Yet again, the stranger burst into your thoughts. “Can I get it for you?”

“That’d be great. I’d hate to walk around looking like an idiot all day.” You gave him your most witty, charming smile as you turned to face elevator guy.

“Got it.” You gave him a smile in lieu of a thanks, trying not to embarrass yourself any further. It was unlikely, but hey, worth a shot. It was then elevator guy chose to mutter something under his breath.

“I’m sorry?” With all the muttering that was happening lately you were starting to contemplate getting your hearing checked. It’d be a worthy investment. You were under the impression that private school kids would be a bit more poised and able to speak a touch more clear. You were wrong yet again.

“Um, your hair smells nice.” Elevator guy was now a bright shade of red. Like a cute tomato. You looked down at your shoes, rolling your lips into your mouth but smiling. Yeah, definitely still smiling.

“Thanks.” You were smirking at him now. You kinda liked having all the power in the elevator, considering elevator guy looked like he was ready to die at any second now. “I’d repay the compliment but I’ve yet to catch a whiff of your shampoo.”

“I’m Cal.” He stuck out his hand, as if suddenly remembering he went to private school. A handshake, like you two were CEOs of companies or something. It was endearing. You took another sip of your coffee, maintaining eye contact, before you reached your hand out and joined it with his.

You had just finished the last syllable of your name when the elevator pinged, announcing your arrival on your floor. You walked out of the elevator without another word, knowing that Cal’s eyes were following you the whole time.

[concealeddarkness13]

WHG Post Games Boat Heist Part 5

Last boat heist piece! And then just post heists and we’re done! Tagging: @ratracechronicler (also thanks for Elvira and Rebecca!), @maple-writes (also thanks for Cirrus and Asher!), and @pen-of-roses (also thanks for Lynn and Rowan!)!

Triel (this is the next day)

Elvira and I met up with Nora, Chaudhary, and the rest of the assistants near a bar. I grinned at Mirabel and Sidney, since I hadn’t seen them yesterday, and we exchanged greetings. It was almost time, so we toasted each other, downed our drinks and headed for the dear president.

And he was actually where he was supposed to be! Last night must have spooked him. I grinned and walked up to him with arms wide as if I was expecting a hug. “And the dear president remembered! Thank you so much!” He eyed my assistants, and he raised his eyebrows. I laughed. “Oh, I thought I would need assistants for the interview. There are so many questions to ask, so I wanted them to write it out as well.”

Elvira stood behind me, looking Very Serious and holding a Very Convincing Clipboard. The others would fall behind and take care of the Peacekeepers.

I steered him over toward the right side of the boat, and I smiled my best smile at him. “So, let’s start with an easy one. Who was the tribute you were most cheering for in this year’s Hunger Games?”

He laughed. So fake. “Of course, I cheered for Poli. I always knew he was going to win.”

I knew you’d say that, you lying bastard. I laughed and wrote insults down on my clipboard. I could only imagine what Elvira was scrawling behind me. “I totally believe that. Now, which was the most gruesome death?”

He looked a little unnerved by the question. Good. Out of the corner of my eye, Nora and the others were working on Operation Dunk the Peacekeepers. He frowned. “I…don’t see the relevance of the question?”

I laughed. “Oh, it’s entirely relevant. I mean, you perform this charade year after year, and you celebrate all the deaths as if they don’t matter. As if that isn’t a precious life expiring right before your eyes. They’re children, my dear president, and you don’t care, do you?”

He glared at me and turned around to see all of his Peacekeepers were gone. Nora and Chaudhary waved at him as his eyes landed on them.

Elvira smiled sweetly. “Ah, President Snow? I’m afraid you won’t be able to summon your lackeys to do away with the uncomfortable questions. Not this time. Rather, we’ve done away with them. One by one. Until one remains in the spotlight.”

He glared at us, and his hand reached for his pocket, but I was faster. I activated my magic, and multi-colored light danced on my skin like fire. I transformed the small amount of water I always kept on hand into a sharp crystal and aimed it right at his heart. I smirked as he stared at it with horror in his eyes. “Not so fast, my dear president. If you try to call any back-up, they’ll find your body bleeding out on this deck, and we’ll be long gone. So, let’s play by the rules, yeah?” I laughed as he moved his hands away from his pockets, up in the air. “So, next question, all these children’s deaths are on your hands. How many people would love to see your corpse on national television?”

Sid raised a hand, and the others in the background did the same. I smirked at the dear president. “Unfortunately, I’m not in the mood to have president-cide added to the list of crimes I’ve committed. Too many people chasing me.” I nodded at the others. Nora walked over with a smirk and emptied his pockets, and Elvira sneaked around while he was glaring at Nora and pulled him by the shirt toward the rail, and I did the honors (after deactivating my magic) of giving enough upward force to send him toppling, screaming, into the water.

I smiled over at Elvira and held out a fist to fistbump. “Well, that went smoother than I expected.” Elvira reciprocated the fistbump.

I tipped my hat to Nora. “Thank you. Anything I can do to help after you so graciously helped me?”

“I think the publicity’s helped me enough, Sparrow,” she said, adjusting one of her braids before she turned to address the crowd that had gathered on the bottom deck after the dear president drank lake water. “Ladies, gentlemen, and spectators galore, today you bear witness to the turning of the tides of history. Far from the harbingers of good news and angelic messengers of old, I am here to tell you to be afraid. Be very afraid.” I had to stop myself from laughing. So serious. “I can’t promise your way of life is coming to an end, but I can assure you it will never again go unchallenged by those you’ve scorned and reviled. So clutch your precious pearls. This world is still our oyster. And when the real pirates come to tear apart your charade, you can always count on Captain Eleanor Skeates to bear a hand.”

My phone buzzed, and I glanced at it. Shine was ready. I gave a thumbs up to Nora, and she nodded. Elvira was singing “What Shall We Do With a Wicked Tyrant” with the rest of the crew as they waited for their ride. Nora’s tender had been invisible before this, but it appeared on the starboard side. She gave me a look that invited me for drinks later, but before she could leave, I dashed forward and snatched at her hat, and she let me, she just casually took my hat. We put the hats on in sync with flourishes and shared a meaningful look no one else would understand. Nora and the others swung ropes over the water and got to their ship.

Elvira and I headed off to where we would meet with the others to escape to the airship. The Peacekeepers would be too busy with saving the dear president from the lake to bother with us. Elvira looked over at me with a Meaningful Look. “Nice hat.”

I smirked. “Thanks. I acquired it recently.” We shared a smile and continued to the airship.

Nesri

After Shine completed the new and improved disablers, I volunteered to go disable Lynne’s shocker, and also disable Alastair’s shocker. I kept glancing at Cirrus as we waited for the right time. Had we really kissed last night? I just flushed as I leaned against him. There were more pressing things to think about, but my thoughts kept wandering back to the kiss.

It was finally time to head out. Triel headed out first, and we all filed out after her. I made my way, casually, over to where Lynne’s room was. I knocked on her door and adopted the same stance Zenith always had. It seemed right for a pretend Peacekeeper.

She opened the door and eyed me suspiciously. “What do you want?”

I grinned. “I’m gonna help you out!” I pushed past her and put my hands on my hips.

Lynne breathed in deep and slow. “Are you here just to torment me? I know the Capitol is controlling you.”

I wagged a finger at her, still smiling. “That’s where you’re wrong, my friend! The Capitol is actually controlling you by making you believe what they want you to. I’m sorry Zenith decided to be a stick in the mud and pretend. He wanted to get you back quickly, since we weren’t prepared to bust you out yet.”

She grit her teeth and shook her head. “I—I can’t believe you. Not when you’re wearing that.”

I cracked my knuckles. “Well, that won’t be for very long.” I rushed her, but she sidestepped, her expression hardening and all vulnerability disappearing. I rushed at her again and managed to snag her arm. I held on for dear life. “I know how the Shades can be. They fuck with your head, make you think the way they want you to. But whatever they say is a lie.” She whirled around with a snarl and punched me in the stomach repeatedly. She wasn’t that practiced at it, so it wasn’t too bad, but still. “I promise. Don’t listen to them. Or the Capitol. I’m here to help.”

She hesitated, tears welling in her eyes, and I whirled around behind her, took off the bandage, and placed the New and Improved Disabler to her shocker, and it did its disabling with a satisfying fizzle.

Lynne blinked and turned to me and frowned. “You weren’t wearing that just a second ago.”

I snorted. “Yeah, I wouldn’t want to wear that Peacekeeper trash anyway. Not flattering enough.” I grinned at her. “We disabled the shocker and the machine that was making you see us in Peacekeeper uniforms. Now, we just need to grab Alastair, disable the shocker he has, and head over to the rescue zone.”

She sucked in a breath, and tears streaked down her cheeks. She flung her arms around me and sobbed into my shoulder. “I was so scared. The—the Shades gave me their magic. And I’m still in pain. And I thought you were trapped and I had to find a way to save you. And I’m not as competent as I thought, so what choice did I have? And…I’m just so glad they were lying.”

I hugged her tightly with a laugh. “Me too. Let’s get going.”

*

The airship was invisible, but I could still feel the hum of the engines as we approached it. A ladder fell, looking like it was connected to nothing, and everyone was here. No one looked hurt either. I grinned at everyone as we waited in line to climb up. No one in the crowd did anything. They were too busy watching the president, and the Peacekeepers were too busy rescuing the president. We were doing great!

When I put my feet on the deck of the airship, Shine’s awesome machine allowed for me to see the airship, even though it was still invisible to anyone not touching it. Triel went to check with Shine, and the rest of us crowded into the same room we had when we escaped from the arena.

The airship took off, and everyone stayed quiet. Rebecca watched the windows, probably to check and see if anyone was following us. Elvira was looking around at everyone over and over. Lynn was hugging Rowan, and Laurel hurried over to both of them. Zenith was checking Lynne and Lynn’s wounds. Where had he even found the first aid kit? Lynne was leaning up against Alastair. Asher didn’t seem to be doing good. Cirrus was having to wrestle him down, and Amy, the Avox Cirrus had helped, was waving around a weapon she must have stolen from a Peacekeeper. Good for her!

Triel walked in with a grin. Her clothes were wet, as if it had started raining, but the sky had just been clear a second ago. She clapped her hands. “Congratulations on a successful heist! I couldn’t have done it without you!”

“We did it,” Rebecca whispered, a smile tugging at her lips. “So, we’re really getting away with it? There’s not, like, a squadron after us?”

Elvira looked over at Amy. “Ah…You must be Amy?”

She nodded eagerly, ignoring Cirrus’s request to put the weapon away. I liked her. She was awesome.

Lynn looked up. “This is real, right? You’re all really here, this is really happening?”

Rebecca nodded. “We are. You don’t still think we’re Peacekeepers, do you?”

Triel shook her head about Rebecca’s previous question about the squadron. “The winds were favoring us today. No one was able to come after us.” Asher grinned at that, looking out of it but proud about something.

Lynn shook his head about Rebecca’s other question. “No, not Peacekeepers, not a dream, real. You. The you from the Games at least.” Rowan hugged both him and Laurel.

Lynne frowned. “So, what’s going to happen now? Will we be running from the Capitol the rest of our lives?”

Triel smirked. “It just so happens that a mansion that was built specifically to evade the Capitol’s eyes was bought with some totally legal money. It’s a few hours away from most of the Districts and equipped with anti-Capitol machines. You can stay there. It’s a safe haven for us.”

Cirrus turned to face her. “How long until we can tell people we aren’t dead?”

“You can tell them now. I think it should be okay to stop by your Districts so you can talk to your loved ones. If you think you could be safe staying there, you can, or you can come to the safe haven. It’s your choice.”

“Also, we got a train,” Rebecca said. “We’re kinda on the run from the Capitol, anyway. But I’m definitely down at crashing at your mansion. You?” she asked Elvira, who nodded in agreement.

Lynn, Rowan, and Laurel shared a look before Lynn spoke. “Rowan and I will stay at the mansion, we don’t have much else, but Laurel has to visit her family first and tell them.”

Triel nodded and headed off, probably to tell Shine to stop in the Districts. I grinned at the newcomers. “But you missed something spectacular! I totally kicked Cirrus’s ass in a spar.”

“Liar.” I grinned over at Cirrus as he crossed his arms. “We have witnesses you know.”

Zenith shrugged noncommittally, eyeing me. I laughed. “Well then, what about when I hit you in the face with a piece of popcorn?”

He rolled his eyes. “Doesn’t count.”

I grinned. “Rebecca one-upped you. She caught her piece.”

“And ate it,” Rebecca added smugly.

“Maybe you should spar her too.” Cirrus was trying to sound irritated, but it was more like a joke. “I bet she’d kick your ass too.”

I pretended to think about it. “I agree. She’s much more intimidating than you.”

Asher laughed, and Cirrus huffed to himself. Ha. I won.

Rebecca punched her palm. “I forfeit immediately.”

Triel came back in, eyeing me. “And who’s the one who dumped a whole popcorn bowl on your head?”

Lynn eyed us with confusion. “Just what did you all get up to while we were there?”

“Very time-sensitive and important things,” Elvira said, face in one hand. “There were unbearable spans of killing time waiting for necessary information. It was either death by boredom, despair of your fate, or commit popcorn warfare.”

Zenith grumbled, but lightheartedly. “Too much.”

And I said at the same time, “Shenanigans, tomfoolery, etcetera.” I crossed my arms at Zenith with a smile. “Who’s the one that walked into the apartment in the middle of the night, cursed with magic, and had to beg Asher to knock you unconscious?”

“That was Zenith!” Asher laughed, throwing his head back. “Got himself cursed!”

Zenith sighed, but a smile was tugging at his lips. “Who’s the one who had me and Elvira swap bodies and then race?”

He grinned, teeth a little sharper than I thought they usually were. “Are you just mad you lost?”

Zenith grumbled something about toenails, but he didn’t decide to comment.

Triel smirked. “I’m sure we’re all looking forward to swapping stories; I just have one more bit of information to give you. Even at the mansion, we’ll still have our airship. If, at any time, you want to go somewhere, or go to the mansion from somewhere else, just let me know. Shine’s already hacked into your phones and put in a good number to reach us at for instant communication.” She winked.

Rebecca whipped out her phone and texted something, maybe to Shine? They were buddies now, after all.

We kept talking as Raian showed up with warm drinks for everyone. It was so calm and peaceful. We had finally escaped from the Capitol.

[inmytaste-blog]

Señorita

Word Count: 3.2k

Warnings: A very encouraging Shawn and a self-confidence under construction

A/N: Another fullfilled request which made it into my askbox just today! I didn’t want to delay it and fall behind since Shawn released his new song just yesterday. This was very pleasing to write and I really liked the way it turned out. I hope I made that anon’s request justice and I truly hope it lived up to their expectations! Once again, feedback is very much appreciated and I would like to hear your thoughts on this piece! Till next time, happy reading!

__________________________________________________________

‘’Are you serious? A new song along with a new music video? Shawny you are treating your fandom so well lately, I’m impressed’’ you said, placing your arms around his neck and giving him a slight peck on his cheek, pleased with the news.

‘’Aye, does my fandom include you as well?’’ he said lowering his much larger figure in order to capture your lips in a proper kiss.

‘’I don’t think I want to disappoint you now that you have a lot on your plate babe’’ you jokingly stated and freed yourself from his tight grip, heading towards the kitchen.

‘’I think this answer pained me more… Nevertheless, I know you are the craziest fan there is no matter what you say’’.

Hearing Shawn’s words, you realized that he was more than right. You were indeed his number one fan and you always fangirled hard when something new was on its way concerning his career. So when Shawn announced to you that he would be working on a new song, you were on cloud nine. Someone would say that you were more thrilled when Shawn had a new project to deliver than himself and they wouldn’t be exaggerating. You knew something was coming up due to endless phone conversations and meetings between Shawn and Andrew so when the bomb exploded you exploded too.

‘’Whatever you say Mendes’’ you slyly replied and plopped down on your couch.

‘’So tell me more about this song. What is the concept behind it? Will you be singing alone or will it be a duet? When will you start shooting and rehearsing? Why are you so secretive?’’

‘’First of all, you are bombarding me with questions love. How can I answer all at once? Secondly, I can’t reveal anything else yet. Telling you was risky as it is so you will get no more information for today. Sorry.’’ Shawn explained and your face fell.

You weren’t really urging him to tell you everything because you knew that this industry works with a little bit of secrecy as well but you couldn’t deny the fact that you were disappointed that you wouldn’t be getting any more insights and details concerning his newest work. At this point, you wished he hadn’t shared anything related to this new song whatsoever because now you wanted to know everything there was to know.

‘’Fair enough. Guess who’s not getting any love from me today’’ you half-jokingly said and moved further away from Shawn to the other end of the couch.

‘’C’mon Y/N don’t be such a baby. Everything will be announced to you when it is the right time for it to be’’ Shawn argued and proceeded to hug you.

You slightly pushed him off but eventually gave in to his touch because deep down, you knew he was right. It wasn’t his fault that he couldn’t go into more depth about his work and it surely wasn’t fair for you to know everything beforehand while all his other fans around the world were kept in the dark. Besides, what’s the fun in knowing everything and having no suspense in your life?

That was something Shawn really adored and appreciated on you. It always made him feel safe and relaxed and it surely helped him more when he was ready to perform, shoot or record a new piece. His job was already pressuring enough and sometimes it got to the point that he would even call it suffocating. Having someone who was genuinely understanding and encouraging was a true bargain for him since he really wanted to leave his work back in the studio and be met with relaxation and relief when he got home.

And you offered him just that. You knew what you were signing up for when you agreed to date Shawn so you promised more to yourself to be the best version of you just for his own sake. You were more interested in his well-being than anything else especially when you found out all the story concerning his battles with anxiety in the past. You truly believed he was a person that deserved all the best in the world and you were more than honoured when Shawn chose you to be his companion; his rock who would give him all the best.

There were of course times when you would cross the line and you would be pleading for him to share something more when he was preparing something new but you knew when to stop. Shawn knew as well that you were firstly a fan and secondly a girlfriend when it came to his music and he was really thankful to have someone so supportive and so caring. But when he declared that he was in no position to share anything else, it was your signal to accept it and stop questioning further.

‘’Okay okay. I understand. But tell me at least this; will you be singing on your own or with other people as well?’’ you asked, aiming your puppy eyes at him, a feature you knew very well he couldn’t resist.

‘’Ugh, you are playing dirty Y/N, giving me this look which gets me everytime’’

‘’Please?’’ you pressed a little more.

‘’Okay, it will be a duet but this is all I have for you. Now, what movie does my number one fan want to watch with her superstar?’’

Truth was Shawn wanted nothing more than to stop playing games and just confess to you everything he knew so far about his new music video and song. It physically ached him to withdraw information from you, especially when you were being nothing but patient and enthusiastic with his hectic lifestyle. The only thing which was keeping him behind was the fact that he had arranged to sing and shoot with you. You were nothing close to famous or artistic, besides the very well-organised blog you were maintaining dedicated to your talented boyfriend, but other than that you had no contracts or business with the music industry.

However, Shawn wasn’t on the same page with you on this matter. He had heard you singing when you had first started dating and he was mesmerized by your voice. It combined a sweetness and a raspier metal which had driven him insane. He still remembered that moment up to this day and he never hesitated to ask you to join him when he was singing in his studio, even if it was for fun. The most outstanding thing of all was a file in your computer which consisted of some covers you had attempted when you first discovered Shawn’s music. Shawn really wanted to listen to them but you only agreed when you were official and you trusted him completely.

When his ears were met with the sound of your melodic voice, he felt like someone had casted a spell on him. The words of In My Blood acquired a completely new, a more profound meaning when they left your lips and they were interlaced with your unique sounds. He couldn’t help himself but transfer all the covers you had saved in that file to his phone without any second thoughts.

From that time on, he always made sure to raise the levels of confidence you had about your singing skills which to be frank, were the lowest they could be. It really puzzled and it even saddened him to know that his girl was so talented but she couldn’t appreciate her skills more. So the least he could do was ask you to sing or at least hum something when he was falling asleep or to accompany you in your private shower concerts. He was a sucker for your singing and you still laughed about it when he would praise you. But this never stopped him from getting the most he could of your beautiful voice.

Now Shawn tried to take things up a notch. He hated to know that your talent was not getting the recognition and the appreciation it deserved so when Andrew came up to him with a new suggestion for a song and a music video, Shawn realised this was the opportunity he was seeking.

‘’So, I was thinking that after the success of If I Can’t Have You, the fire’s still at your feet and another release will really keep the fans at the edge of their seats. What do you say?’’

‘’Y-Yes yes. Are you serious? Now that my tour is on, I have inexhaustible energy. Tell me all about it’’. Shawn wanted nothing more than to keep his portfolio full and this new song was the perfect chance for him to introduce you to the world of professional singing.

‘’Okay. My first thoughts have to do with the artists you will be singing with. I’m really rooting for a duet but if you want to include more artists, it’s up to you mate. What are your thoughts so far?’’ Andrew proceeded with the details and Shawn was more than ready to spill your name.

‘’Okay. I don’t know if you will see eye to eye with me about this and I can already tell you will be taken aback but my suggestion is Y/N’’. There was no turning back now. The only thing he could do was pray that Andrew would agree for you to do a duet with Shawn.

‘’Y/N? As in your girlfriend Y/N? Shawn are you sure? I mean I have no evidence that she can sing. Plus we don’t have much time to call her in and arrange a sound check with her’’

‘’I don’t think that will be necessary’’ said Shawn and he was quick enough to pull his phone out and let the room be filled with your version of Lost In Japan.

‘’You are a smooth motherfucker. I am waiting both of you next time for the rehearsal’’.

Shawn hadn’t really filled you in on what was going on so when he told you that you would be going with him to the studio you were a bit bewildered.

‘’And why do I have to come as well? Can’t you see that I am all comfortable watching Friends?’’ you matter-of-factly stated and Shawn dragged you from the couch.

‘’It is a surprise. Now get your bum up and go get ready. We are leaving in five’’.

‘’Okay okay sir’. But you’re buying me ice cream later’’ you pointed your finger at him and he chuckled.

‘’I sure am’’.

Shawn felt a little bit guilty that he hadn’t been completely honest to you about his duet but he knew that if he had spilled the beans and asked about your consent, you would be negative. Heck, he didn’t even have a clue what your reaction was going to be now but he decided to take his chances and risk it. He really needed to get you out of your cocoon and show you what you were really capable of, something you always kept your eyes closed to.

‘’Hello Andrew. It’s been a while. How are you?’’ you inquired when you reached the correct floor and Andrew hugged both you and Shawn.

‘’Shawn’s been a pain in the ass but I manage. How are you feeling sweetheart? Are you ready for your first?’’

‘’Um excuse me? What first?’’ you turned your glance at Shawn who was picking at his nails and was looking nervously at Andrew.

‘’Shawn dude, didn’t you tell her anything?’’

‘’I wanted it to be a surprise! Don’t blame me!’’ Shawn put his hands up and looked at you.

‘’Anyone care to explain?’’ you hated being excluded from what was happening so you were growing more aggravated by the minute.

‘’Y/N, dear, Shawn has brought you here to work on his new song called Señorita. You will be his duet for this song and for the video of course’’ Andrew explained and your jaws were on the floor. Shawn very well knew you were in no place to share your singing with the whole world and he still went and got you into this.

‘’Shawn what is he saying? What did you do?’’ you turned your attention to him and he cupped your face.

‘’I know you are going to pull the ‘’I can’t be exposed to basically the whole planet and my singing is not even that good’’ card but please hear me out. When I first listened to your voice I was amazed. You remember my first reaction. I instantly felt like an apprentice in singing in front of you. During those two years we’ve been together, I am more than pleased to see that I am the reason for the growth of your confidence when it comes to singing. Y/n please consider singing with me. Your talent deserves to be exposed and applauded’’ Shawn concluded and your vision had gotten blurry because of his speech.

‘’But-but how does Andrew know that I can sing? How does he know that this isn’t gonna be a flop?’’

‘’Um I know believe me’’ Andrew chimed in and just on cue, Shawn wiggled his phone between his fingers.

‘’You shady bastard’’ you smacked Shawn’s arm and he playfully acted as if he was hurt.

‘’So, what do you say baby? Will you be my Señorita in this song?’’

You still felt a little bit out of place and your guts were telling you that you would surely mess this up but the look Shawn was giving you and the feeling that he would be right beside you the whole time, boosted your courage and your confidence. Not really trusting your words at this point, you gave Shawn a shy nod and you swore that his eyes were like small stars radiating their glow.

‘’Is that a yes? Y/N baby you will not regret this I promise you’’ Shawn hugged you and lifted you up in the air before giving you a reassuring smile.

‘’Thank God. I don’t think I would be able to get someone else if she turned this down’’ Andrew remarked and you both fell in a fit of laughter.

‘’Okay. Get your sheets with the lyrics, get in there and blow me away’’.

Getting into the recording space, you felt your palms getting damp and your head slightly dizzy. Shawn must have felt your uneasiness and he placed the microphones opposite of one another, so that the only thing in front of you was Shawn and no one else. This little gesture put your nerves at bay and with a final confirmation, Shawn signaled for Andrew to start recording.

Throughout the song, your eyes were focused on the piece of paper which contained the words that came out of your mouths. You didn’t dare take a glimpse of Andrew, fearing that if you saw his disappointment you would collapse and this whole procedure would be wasted. Surely, this was the last thing you wanted, the first one being to please Shawn and not to embarrass him. He trusted you enough to get Andrew to agree and have you here singing so you just couldn’t betray his trust.

Reaching the main chorus, your eyes travelled to Shawn who was giving his all during the song and it dawned on you that it was the first time in a while that you were seeing him recording a song. Only this time, you were a part of it too. Shawn’s eyes fell on yours and the smile he gave you was enough to let you know that you were doing a pretty decent job for a first time. You knew that the song was going to be a bop nonetheless and being with Shawn in the act, really made you understand why all of his songs always made it at the top of the charts.

‘’ I love it when you call me Señorita

I wish I could pretend I didn’t need ya

But every touch is ooh la la la

It’s true la la la

Ooh I should be running

Ooh you know I love it

When you call me Señorita

I wish it wasn’t so damn hard to leave ya

Ooh I should be running

Ooh you keep me coming for ya’’

Shawn really adored the way the song was turning out. When he had first scanned the lyrics, the only person he could picture himself singing it with was you. The thing that he felt most freaked out about was that you both had first started seeing each other as friends before this fling between you two had developed. So, at least for Shawn, this song was once again speaking to him on another level. He felt really connected with it and now that he was singing with you, it made him feel even more connected to you as well. It would be a thing that would always remind you of what you are capable of when you are together and how the one makes the other discover something fresh for themselves.

Andrew was dumbfounded when you both started singing together and he was positive this was going to be another success for Shawn. He felt really relieved that you had decided to give this a go since the music industry was a department that was always in need of fresh blood and upcoming artists who had a flash of talent. Besides, the chemistry you had with Shawn was authentic and rare so the need to construct something similar with someone else was totally unnecessary.

‘’All along I’ve been coming for ya

And I hope it meant something to ya

Call my name I’ll be coming for ya

Coming for ya, coming for ya, coming for ya

For ya

(Ooh she loves it when I come)

For ya

Ooh I should be running

Ooh you keep me coming

For ya"

The song came to an end and if it wasn’t for the air conditioning unit in the small room, you would be a sweating mess. The look you exchanged with Shawn while the last words of the song were being spoken, really showed you how much Shawn loved you and that he truly believed you deserved to be loved by other people for your immense talented soul.

‘’And it’s a wrap. Guys…’’ Andrew started and you closed your eyes, not really wanting to be confronted or let down by his next words.

‘’You were fucking bomb. This is gonna be the song of the century. Well done. And Shawn, thanks for persuading our little star here to work with us’’ he said giving you a high-five.

Hearing Andrew’s words lifted all the weight off of your shoulders and you felt ten times lighter. Never in your wildest dreams had you imagined working with Shawn in a professional and official manner but here you were, blowing both of the boys away with your singing.

‘’Wow. That was-‘’ you didn’t let Shawn finish his sentence and you connected his lips with your very own in a passionate kiss.

‘’Thank you. For this amazing experience and for believing in me when I just didn’t’’ you truthfully said to him and his arms tightened around your shorter frame.

‘’I thank you for bringing out the rest of the passion I have for this job. You see, singing with you makes me feel things. And now that it happened for a much larger audience, it made me the happiest man alive’’.

Just before you could say or do anything else Andrew’s voice echoed through the walls, making you both jump.

‘’Don’t rest on your laurels kiddos. We still have a music video to shoot!’’

[secretsfromwholecloth]

Pillars of Eternity, day 2.

More early installment weirdness: Berath (and Wael) being referred to as “he”.

Well, let’s go see a man about a soul.

Ah, today’s first reminder that I am very, very bad at handling squishy melee characters. Mainly because my approach to melee is “just throw them at the thing and let them hack at it”, which rather assumes a tanking rather than DPS role. Which in turn assumes the tankiness to successfully fill a tanking role. Which the squishy melee DPS classes like barbarian, monk, and rogue don’t really have.

Nothing says “you are spectacularly underleveled for basically everything, also you have a vacant spot in the party, you enormous ass” like barely surviving—”people getting maimed and/or carrying multiple injuries and even indestructible Edér’s health bar getting into the flashing red” kind of barely surviving—level 3 of the Endless Paths. I won’t be banging out Kana’s quest anytime soon, that’s for damn sure.

To which end, fox mom has been acquired, and the party is now full. And no longer all-male. (5 out of 11 companions are women, but they range from “met late in Act 1″ like Sagani here to “tucked away in a DLC best avoided until the late mid-game at least.”)

Sure, Itumaak isn’t nearly the same as having a second tank—I eagerly await the arrival of Pallegina—but anything that expands the melee squad and takes some of the pressure off Anlaf is welcome right now.

OK, trying to pass by Stormwall Gorge to hit up Dyrford was an extremely bad idea. Defiance Bay it is. (And babies, you can start throwing up some banter whenever you feel like it, thanks.)

I have a decision to make, don’t I—which ending do I angle for with Edér? Thinking over Anlaf’s complicated relationship with the family that took his birth as proof of their righteousness but was awful enough that his sibling’s rebellion happened and he joined it, and then that all that was the Magranite church, which has taken the Eothasians as their enemy, and all of it basically adds up to ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ I usually default to the mayor ending/pushing him away from religion, and especially in this first conversation, where it’s the Magranites we’re snarking about, yes, it feels right to give the “yeah, fuck them and fuck their goddess; you don’t tell me what to do, fire mom” answer. Especially after putting up with Durance for several weeks.

OK, I’m starting to get stronghold quests, I need to pick up Pallegina and Grieving Mother, like, yesterday. I don’t know if I’m up to surviving Stormwall Gorge yet, but Pallegina isn’t far, let’s go look in on her.

OK, we all knew about Kana’s banter with Maneha where he points out the woman with “hips like a church bell”. But I didn’t remember his interjection in the Salty Mast about wanting to “chat up the guard with the wide hips”. Well, we know what Kana’s type is now.

Decision time again: Crucible Knights or House Doemenel? That’s going to affect whether I want to piss off the Doemenels here. Affiliation with the Crucible Knights comes in handy in the White March once, I think, and...yeah, it makes sense for this character. Crucible Knights it is, let’s piss off some Doemenels.

Wait, no, first I get them to lower their prices for Maea, then I start pissing them off.

Huh, is it just me or is Edér’s accent closer to General American here than it is in Deadfire? I feel like he has more of a drawl there.

Thinking: Is Anlaf aroace, or is he just so used to dissociating while people do what they need to do with him that becoming sexually active was/would be an extremely bad idea? I’m going to leave this underspecified for now.

And Pallegina has been acquired, which means I’m blessedly free of Durance for the time being.

More in the morning, now that I’ve learned my lesson about trying to clear out the mausoleum in Heritage Hill with a level 6 party.

[lorylilybomber]

Okay so I have an anime crossover issue:

I am watching and LOVING the Fruits Basket reboot. And I am also a long-time lover of OHSHC. And it occurred to me that, while crossovers are often very cringey, the opportunities between these two shows, if handled correctly, work like a dream. And there ARE plenty of FBxOHSHC fanfics out there.

The problem?

Hardly any of them seem to take proper advantage of the opportunities presented. The largest percentage of fic I’ve seen can be placed into one of two camps: “look at my OC she’s the secret 14th zodiac member and she goes to Ouran” or “Haruhi is actually a sohma and the secret 14th Zodiac member”

First off: look—there is no wolf in the Chinese zodiac. There is no fox, or raven, or jaguar, or—just, stop.

Second of all, there’s plenty of new ways to play with this crossover concept that are lots of fun to read—because they don’t have to change the rules of either universe!

(also, why do the Sohmas always have to go to Ouran? Can’t it be the other way around? I’m just saying, as sweet as Tohru is, she is canonically nowhere close to winning any sort of scholarship to attend school at Ouran, even if the sohma boys do.)

Imagine, if you will, some of the following scenarios:

Tamaki, in one of his usual bids for host club bonding and commoner research, arrange for the host club to attend a commoner high school for a month. In order to convince Kyoya to come with, Tamaki specifically chooses a high school that is attended by members of the influential-yet-hermit-level-elusive Sohma family. Once they’re there, of course, Tamaki wastes no time establishing a place for the host club to continue their activities, because beauty must be shared with the world, of course!!! From there, imagine some of these scenarios:

1: Tamaki hears of the school’s Prince, and seeks out Yuki in order to induct (or, more accurately, abduct) him into the Host Club whether he likes it or not. (On that note, imagine how the Prince Yuki fan club might react to the Host Club’s presence).

2: Contrariwise, Tamaki knows of the Prince, but is more interested in the school’s aloof Tsudere Type, Kyo. Cue Kyo being incredibly angry and flustered as Tamaki and the twins keep kidnapping him to try and induct him. Possibly include Tamaki noticing kyo’s feelings for Tohru and deciding to coach him on how to be a true gentleman.

3: Imagine Shigure’s reaction to EITHER of those events.

4: in a different or perhaps related chain of events, imagine Tamaki meeting Ayame, essentially adopting him as his senpai, and the learning about his estranged relationship with Yuki. The Tamaki Suoh we know would immediately commence Operation Brotherly Reconciliation before you could blink.

5: imagine after establishing the Commoner High School Host Club, Momiji decides this looks fun and wants to hang out there. They don’t take him on as a host, since they already have Hunny, but he’s still happy to have made a bunch of new friends! And the best part is!!! They’re all guys!!!! And they’re (almost) all emotionally available!!! Which means he can hug them without restraint!!! He hugs Hunny! He hugs Tamaki!!! He thinks about hugging Kyoya but second guesses himself!!! He hugs Haruh—wait.

6: immediately after point number 5, Kyo and Yuki are rapidly switching between panicked and confused. While Yuki and Haruhi are basically Spider-Man-pointing at each other saying “Explain????” Kyo does one of two things:

7: he blurts out something relevant but woefully poorly contexted to Haruhi like “WAIT HOLD ON TAKE OFF YOUR SHIRT.” Which elicits a violent reaction from the twins/Tamaki which is headed off by Kyoya/Mori.

8: he grabs Momiji and starts shaking and yelling at him for being stupid and Hunny’s affection for a) his new friend and b) cute bunnies translates into him twisting Kyo’s arm or otherwise kicking his butt to take Momiji away from him because remember, kids! “picking on [Hunny’s] friends is a no-no!”

9: Kyo is dumbstruck because wait this twerp knows martial arts? Cue a running joke/side arc throughout the story in which Kyo keeps trying to get Hunny to fight him because getting beaten up by a twerp is stupidly emasculating and Kyo needs to win back his pride. Meanwhile Hunny sees no reason to fight or indulge Kyo and keeps refusing him (you know..because he’s actually a mature 18 year old). The arc may end in Kyo learning to humble himself and asking Hunny if he could maybe teach him some moves? Followed by Hunny beaming at him and saying yes.

10: how would Kyoya react if he were to learn the Sohma secret? How would he negotiate with the Sohma family? Could he? What stops Hatori from wiping their memories, if anything?

11: How would HARUHI react? Miss “Believes in nothing paranormal?” How would Tamaki react? As the King of Sticking His Nose Into Your Business, he may attempt to make it his mission to break the curse. (Of course, he fails in the end, but they all become friends anyway.)

OR, perhaps they don’t even need to go to the same school at all. Imagine this:

1: Kyoya, in preparation for running some of his family’s hospitals, or perhaps as part of a special inspection, or a possible acquisition, or whatever else, visits a hospital owned by the Sohmas

(Listen, we know that the sohma’s HAVE to own at least one hospital. Preparations for any possible Zodiac birth would have to be EXTENSIVE. Imagine if they’re anticipating a new Dragon? All Sohma women are now compelled to have water births. Why? BECAUSE SCIENCE SAYS SO, SHUT UP, WE’RE DOCTORS. Once the new Dragon’s been born? NEVERMIND NO MORE WATERBIRTHS DONT ASK QUESTIONS. They have veterinarians on call who never really know for sure why they’re paid to just keep a special phone on them, but one day they’re called into a human hospital and forced to sign a huge stack of NDA’s before being brought to a delivery room. One day when he’s training his replacement the kid asks “hey why are you making me read about how to care for baby seahorses?” And the older doctor gets faraway flashback eyes, shakes his head and says “just keep reading, son.” I could honestly go on. I would read an entire fic just about the people working at one of these hospitals.)

Anyway, Kyoya is at the Sohma hospital when something curse related happens. You can honestly pick. Either way, Kyoya goes through an interesting spiral:

2: first, after getting himself the fuck out of there as soon as Hatori’s eyes are off of him, he has a barely-self contained nervous breakdown the minute he gets himself alone in his room because the idea of Kyoya instantly accepting anything remotely fantastical is ridiculous. His friends are worried about him but have no idea what happened because if Kyoya vocalizes it, that means it’s real!!!! And he!!! Just can’t!!! Also, he REALLY doesn’t need the twins teasing him and calling him insane or Haruhi asking if he has a fever.

3: then, after he collects himself, he begins doing his Kyoya thing and collecting information. Obviously a condition (he refuses to call it a curse) with such a easily exploitable trigger couldn’t have been kept a secret for so long. So the Sohma’s are keeping people quiet somehow. There isn’t any history of people disappearing around the sohma’s, so it’s either money, threats, or induced amnesia. So, of course, Kyoya prepares for all three. (Of course, even if they WANTED to kidnap or kill Kyoya, his connection to the Ootori family and its extensive police force would prevent that.)

4: and still, even if this curse idea is utterly ridiculous—and it is—this is the biggest piece of negotiation material Kyoya has ever acquired, and its on the SOHMAS. The one family that almost never deals with anyone. With the sohma’s being such a powerful yet reclusive family, he’s not about to let such a large chip go that easily.

5: cue a delightful mental cat-and-mouse game between Kyoya, Hatori, and eventually Akito. Akito getting involved means Shigure is definitely involved as well, if he isn’t already after Hatori.

6: Akito, being a very impatient person, wants Kyoya either hypnotized or under their thumb YESTERDAY. But he knows he can’t just bring him to the house without raising many important eyebrows. So what is he to do to get Kyoya to cooperate?

7: they could go for the heart, perhaps. Kyoya’s best friend Suoh seems stupid enough. Akito begins to charm Tamaki (who Kyoya has not informed of the curse) and establish a sort of power play in front of Kyoya—“see, he likes me, I can get him to go anywhere I want.”

8: Contrariwise, Akito decides they can’t target his best friend Suoh for the same reasons he can’t target Kyoya. Oh, but...look here. A commoner named Fujioka with no money or status, hardly any family....he’ll do fine.

7: if Tamaki gets in a room alone with Akito, the dynamic could get interesting. After Akito turns scary, Tamaki might take a bit of a beating, but then (as the bighearted and surprisingly wise person he is) he starts talking to Akito, and trying to genuinely connect with him. Whether this works or not would be up to the author.

8: If Haruhi was in a room alone with Akito, presumably brought against her will, she would probably be confused and annoyed, but eventually a little frightened and out of her depth (Akito tends to have that effect on people). But she would also piss Akito off VERY fast, with how observant yet practical and blunt she is. She would say some things that hit Akito hard, and she would probably be attacked fairly quickly. Shigure or Hatori would have to step in to protect her, and perhaps SHE learns about the curse in the process.

Honestly, it could go many different ways. But basically I wanted to demonstrate how Fruits Basket/OHSHC crossovers could be much more unique and interesting with fascinating character dynamics, whether the story is a comedy or a drama. Then, as a few honorable mentions:

Everyone compares Haruhi and Tohru’s Mom situation. But how would Haruhi react if she learned Momiji’s situation?

The twins harassing Kyo. Or, the twins harassing Haru and triggering Black Haru.

Tamaki charming Tohru and poor Tohru not knowing how to react (and Yuki and Kyo getting Very Frustrated.)

Shigure and Tamaki becoming friends because of course they would.

Shigure and RANKA becoming friends because OF COURSE THEY WOULD.

Ranka being a regular at Ayame’s store.

Etc etc etc. and that’s with just the more major characters. Hanajima and Uotani interacting with the host club would also be hilarious.

Anyway, point’s made—Fruits Basket and Host Club are fantastic crossover material, and deserve more unique content!!!

[yourcoolfriendwithallthecandy]

Keep Your Eyes On Me

Look, @waiting4inspiration had a 2k follower writing challenge and IT BROKE ME OUT OF MY FUNK OMG. And is totally inspired by all their Viking imagines. And I am WEAK for them. So, I’m cheating by taking Charlie Hunnam and making him a viking too, he’s just on a… different raiding viking party than Ivar, Ubbe, Bjorn and all them are on even though…his name is Bjorn too, Bjorn is a REALLY common name. And hopefully this is a fun twist. 

So this part is rated PG-13 for minor swearing and gore. 

Summery- You are tasked with righting one of history’s wrongs and changing a man’s fate from dying on this battlefield so he can find his true path in life and follow it to create a better future. One problem. You have to get him to trust you, by lying to him and making him believe you’re a Valkyrie, instead of what you really are, a time traveling, shape shifting, super soldier from three thousand years in the future. Easy…right?

Keep Your Eyes On Me 

Part 1

You landed in a crouched position on the ground, gasping for breath because time jumps were always a little hard on the body. Once you felt you gathered your bearings, you stood up and then ducked immediately when an arrow flew by your head. 

Shit, you weren’t supposed to jump this close to the battlefield. So you booked it and ran as fast as your legs could carry you before you managed to get behind a tree and transform into a sparrow to fly up into the branches and watched as your pursuers paused when they didn’t see you anymore before they encountered the real scouts from the enemy and battled them. You left them and flew to find your target. Bjorn. Not Ironside or Eriksson, but a Bjorn that would still make history in his own way. If he didn’t die before you could get to him. 

You found him being cornered by five of the enemy soldiers and knew you’d have to intervene. You flew to the ground and transformed into what he would recognize as a Valkyrie. You drew your dragon bow, with your dragon tooth tipped arrows dipped in dragon venom and shot down his opponents from behind him which caused him to look at you in surprise. 

“Who the fuck are you?” He demanded as he pointed his broad sword at your head and kept up his defensive stance. 

“Your answered prayer.” You answered calmly as you walked around him, giving him a wide birth so that he couldn’t actually strike at you and pulled your arrows out of his enemies and put them back in your quiver nonchalantly. 

“What?” He asked in confusion. 

“You were just praying to the Allfather that you needed his help to live through this battle. I’m a Valkyrie, the answer to your prayer.” You explained as you appraised the battlefield and tried to find a way to get him out of it before you looked back at him and your special contacts showed you all the ways he was hurt. He was pretty bad off already. 

“Thank the Allfather,” he breathed in relief as his body relaxed for a moment and his sword lowered. 

“We need to get out of here. You’re outnumbered almost seven to one. Very few if any at all are going to live through this.” You nodded over to the rest of the field where the others from the raiding party were dropping like flies.

“Here,” You transformed into a horse, complete with a saddle and laid down for him to get on you easier. “If you try to follow me on foot you’ll never make it. Get on.” You urged before he got on you and held onto the horn of the saddle as you jumped into a run and ran faster than any horse ever could- out of there like a bat out of hell as he hung on for dear life and only when you were a safe distance away did you slow down as your contacts showed you were to go to set up a camp and once there you came to a stop and gently laid down so he could get off of you as he slumped off of the saddle and laid down on the forest floor and panted as the pain of his wounds hit full force as you quickly set up your camp in a matter of a minute, much easier since all you had to do was maximize it from it’s dollhouse size miniature form with a click of a button from your wrist coder while it cloaked itself to look like a boulder from the outside. 

“There, come on, get up Bjorn, let’s get you fixed up.” You offered him your hand as you helped pull him up to his feet and helped him into your tent and laid him down on the little cot in there as the ‘door’ to your tent closed itself and concealed you from within. 

“I’m going to dress your wounds ok?” You told him before you started taking his armor off before taking some of his clothes off too and he was in too much pain and too tired to fight you and you were losing him quicker than you thought you would. 

“Hey! Don’t fall asleep Bjorn, eyes on me, keep your eyes on me!” You ordered him as you did your best to stop his bleeding and numb his pain and get him stabilized. 

“You’re so beautiful Valkyrie.” He breathed as he wondered if he was dying now and you were the Valkyrie to take him to Vahalla. 

“Thank you, but stay awake, I am not taking you to Vahalla yet.” You urged him as you took a moment to touch his face and tried to give him a brave smile. “You’ll be ok, I promise.” You offered before you got him fixed up and stable before you shined a light in his eyes to make sure he didn’t have a concussion and once he was out of danger of dying, it was safe for him to sleep. 

“Ok, you did good, you made it. Now you can rest Bjorn, just get some sleep. You’ll be ok, I’ll take care of you. I’m not going anywhere.” You offered in a soft cooing tone and pet his head as he leaned into your touch while you lowkey injected him with some Super Sleep and some Rejuvenate in a syringe into his hip with your other hand as his eyes finally closed and he fell asleep. Once he was out you continued to work on him, setting bones and whatnot and using your cutting edge medicine to fix him up to the best medical science could. Once you did all you could for him, and gave him a double dose of Heal then you made the check in call, you dialed the code into the coder on your wrist and called your superior, Morgan. 

“This is H. L. S.  Zulu Alpha Roger Alpha 0960. Coding in- Dragon.” You checked in. 

“Response Positive, report 0960.” Morgan demanded.  

“Target acquired and stabilized, I was able to get him two clicks north of the warzone. I should have been here yesterday because I think talking him into leaving his camp would probably have been easier than setting his broken arm and leg just now, he’s lost almost a whole liter of blood because the wound to his leg caused a bone fracture and nicked an artery, I almost lost him twice. He’s bad, I double dosed him in Heal, one and a half doses of S.S. and R as were my instructions from my medical readout suggestions. My scans are showing he’ll pull through and awake in 17.261 hours. I’m formally requesting an additional week to get target travel ready.” You reported as you ran your fingers through your hair, your nails softly scratching at your scalp. 

“Copy 0960, request granted, good job, sign in again when you’re ready for travel, get some rest yourself, you’re going to need it, over and out.” Morgan answered before you shut the cover back over your wrist encoder and fastened it closed and blew out a breath of relief and cleaned up best you could as the adreniline in your system subsided. Now it was a waiting game.

[pommedelamer]

New Year’s Resolutions

(an impromptu rumination)

It’s 11:12 PM, December 31st, 2019, and I have never felt so empty. The decade is ending. My first full decade. It’s as if some omniscient force is eyeing the passing seconds, preparing to tie off the ends of the ten years that comprised my childhood. I can’t pinpoint why exactly I feel as if the inevitable entry into the 2020s will recalibrate my mind, sweeping up my memories of the past ten years in the process. Perhaps that’s why I feel empty; I can foresee what’s to come. If time is a construct of humanity, why have the arms of the clock wrapped me up in their steadfast rhythm, and why has my calendar imprisoned me in its boxes, enclosing a bit of myself in each one? Maybe these inquiries are futile and rhetorical, maybe time is a necessity so that the human race doesn’t drown itself in the unfathomable abyss of infinity.

It’s 11:26 PM, and I’m listening to the music that has taken on the role of backdrop in my life this past decade. As soon as the melodies flooded from my speakers, the rest of the painting began to paint itself. Emerging from the depths is a picturesque day at Potter Road Elementary School, during which my kindergarten class played a jovial game of number hide and seek. I’ll never forget the moment when I retrieved number 100 from a crevice in the bookcase and waved it in the air, simply because it was number 100 and I hadn't yet acquired the petty concerns with self-image that could weigh my six-year-old arm down. Right now I’m typing without peeking at the keyboard, an action I thought impossible in those days. Fleeting images dazzle my eyes and I squint to decipher them. Watching the sunset through the mesh trampoline net with my best friend while the remaining tendrils of smoke from our late summer cookout tapered off into the sky. My mother stroking my back until I fell asleep when sickness seized my body and wouldn’t let go. My nose buried in travel books on the train to Paris while the landscape unfolded around me. I could suffocate myself in these images, flood my eye sockets with color and drench my body in smells and warm hearts and tears and concerts and words. I want desperately to cling to them, to bury my face in their closeness and familiarity, but I want to release them gently and purposefully, like coins into a fountain, before they are wrested from me by the clock. 

It’s 11:43 PM, and I suppose I should string together some feeble New Year’s resolutions. In 2018, I hoped to lose 20 pounds. I did not fulfill this goal, but I did become engrossed in calorie counting, restricting, and the agenda of self-loathing. At the beginning of 2019, in a shocking turn of events, I hoped to muster up love from the tumult of hatred brewing inside of me. On the surface, I’ve done just that. A credulous observer might see how I’ve donned a bathing suit with more than yesterday’s lunch in my stomach, how I’ve looked in the mirror and truly found myself beautiful, even if only for a fleeting moment. However, I’ve always been something of a cynic. As I like to think of it, I embraced my body but neglected my mind. Sometime during this year, I forgot who I was. I’ve tried desperately to find myself in ivy league aspirations, in the instant gratification of internet, and in scholarship applications. This year I want to simply be happy. To find what propels me towards the version of myself embedded deep within the superficials, the true manifestation of all that I am, and to hold onto it. It’s another straightforward goal, but in the moment, it’s insurmountable. I hope I can reflect on this drabble at the end of 2020 and find humor in my uncertainty.

It’s 12:06 AM, and I’m eager for the new love, travels, realizations, achievements, and lessons of the 2020s. To whoever reads this: I wish nothing but the happiest tears, the longest laughs, and the warmest hugs for you in the 2020s! I have a feeling that today is the start of an unforgettable year and decade. I’ll see you on the other side!

(I'll be 25 at the end omg ew)