#i GET being pissed at the robbie fans and the performance feel of it all but god. none of you have a fucking backbone

[shrimplicitly]

oh ok i guess its popular to shit on the barbie movie now bc some people werent normal about it. lets all jerk each other off while saying we knew it was dogshit from the beginning

[damelancelot-darling]

Gotham Inception Fic

Aka: a Gothamite writes fanfiction about the Batfam and the Wayne family like step-families.

All inspired by @jasontoddiefor's post here:

Obviously fans are going to wildly mischaracterize everyone, especially the BatFam so I'm seperating each person's character traits into their civilain ID and their persona. Some of these are grossly incorrect in any kind of canon or fanon but this is from the perspective of a Gothamite.

Dick (Richy):

Everyone gave up on using Dick as his name because it kept getting flagged everytime so they decided on Richy. He confirmed in an interview that he prefers Dick because English wasn't his parent's first language and when they gave him a white name, they didn't know what dick meant until they had already been using it too long.

Way stereotyped. Both as Romani and as a former circus performer.

Goofy, smiley, more of a puppy than anything.

Doting on his family.

Nightwing ():

Human thristtrap.

Oversexualized and flirty af.

Gets very angry easily (stemming from his early Robin days)

Overprotective (of family, of his partner, of Y/N, etc.)

Cool in a way that teenagers think is cool.

Richi taught him acrobatics.

Jason:

Dead lol

Still legally dead and out of the view of the public.

Everyone writes angst about his death.

Made out to be this sweet little uwu baby.

They do guess correctly that if he was brought back, he'd be pissed he was "replaced".

Red Hood (Liam):

Woobified

His "real" name came from him quoting Shakespeare in public and so got called William which turned into Liam because Will was not a cool enough name for him.

Daddy issues af

A lot less violent that in reality.

Brucie has guilty resentment about him coming back but not Jason.

Only shows up to work with Batman on cases that involve his terf.

Hates Brucie with a burning passion and doesn't explain why.

Tim:

More uptight. Kinda like Damian's fanon calling everyone "peasants" thing but less outspoken.

Secretly thinks he should be the only son of Wayne but when Wayne Enterprises was given to him, it quelled most of the jealously.

Kind of the "bad guy" and/or the pessimist in most fanfics.

Basically a semi-spoiled rich kid who inherited his daddy's company.

It's debated whether he's actually a compitant boss or if he's more like Brucie was and everyone else does his work for him.

A small group of fans insist that he's stereotped into being the bad guy and he isn't actually that bad in real life. (Most of these are the Batfam trying to raise Tim's spirits.)

Red Robin (Rhett Robbie):

Yes his name is a reference to his vigilantie name.

Nerd

I can't really think of more for him rn

Damian:

More shy than snobby.

Overwhelmed with suddenly having a large family.

Covers up his negative feelings with either anger or coldness.

Doesn't speak much.

More affectionate than irl.

Snow White (ie: someone found out about the zoo he keeps at the manor and everyone thinks it's cute.

Robin (Taj):

I will murder you with a smile.

Has to be kept on a BatLeash (patent pending) at all times so he doesn't kill all of the criminals.

Complete Middle Eastern/ninja stereotype

They do get his desire to be the only BatKid because he's "actually" Batman's son.

According to the internet (which is exactly where a fan writer would go for name inspiration) Malik means crown in Arabic.

Bruce (Brucie):

Still very much a himbo.

Mischaracterized as "the wife" when shipped with Batman

Some people insist that Damian got his animal adoption problem from Brucie's child adoption problem.

All of his one night stands after parties are fake b/c he'd never cheat on Batman.

A little too dependant on hard liqour when left alone because Jason is dead/he's worried about Batman dying on patrol/etc.

Secretly depressed.

Would 100% kill a villain if they were after his kids (batkids included) and he had an opportunity.

Was taught in-depth selfdefense before Batman even considered a first date.

Batman (???):

I can't think of a good name for Batman. If you can think of something better, please add it.

His Batman persona sticks around even when the cowl is off.

Usually a redhead with green eyes because they suspect he's BatGirl's bio dad.

"Do the butts match?"

Loves his kids and Brucie's kids but is emotionally consipated and doesn't show it well.

Has a tragic backstory.

Childhood friends with Brucie.

He doesn't use guns because they're a huge trigger for Brucie.

I am absolutely not the authority of this kind of AU. If anyone has Corrections or additions they want to add please do. If there's enough additions and Corrections on this post, I will eventually I will make another post with everything added and corrected. 

Yes I know I need to add Duke, Cass, Stephanie, Barbara, Alfred, maybe Clark Kent, etc. I will make a sequel post with them in it or I will just include them when I make the masterpost.

[alarrytale]

To add something to HS - the new icon theme.

I agree with probably everything what you wrote, Marte, because I have the same opinions. Fandom can argue what icon and being an icon actually means but for me it feels like Sony is going to the highest way aka they want him to be that legendary icon like Prince, F.Mercury, Bowie, Elton John etc. But as you wrote, imo it´s impossible as long as he doesn´t have anything significant and he´s basically very visibly influenced by those legends I wrote above. There´s something from Freddie, there´s something from Bowie, there´s something from Elton John. He can´t become a legend while being called "the next generation´s Bowie" because there was only one Bowie, he was first and the last one of his kind and nobody can replace him/continue in his legacy. Same with Freddie, 32 years since he passed and nobody replaced/overshadowed him. Bowie´s songs will be still known in another 50 years and so will be Queen´s songs all across the world. Tshirts with Bowie face/logo will never get out of fashion just like Tshirts with Ramones or Nirvana. Can you imagine this with H? He needs to be strictly himself having his own significant looks (which are not strongly influenced/copied from Freddie Mercury), significant way of being a performer, have some iconic songs which will be known in another 20-50 years through all generations (and they won´t get in gp awareness because "it´s about eating p*ssy").

He also on purpose doesn´t say any strong opinion/making political statements or using his influence to talk about urge things like climate change (that will even be hypocritical from him with owning 30 cars and using private jet to fly). Nothing will publicaly come from him because he´s already on the edge of not saying/doing something bad to not get cancelled and he needs to be blank canvas for his fans. This is also not a way to get respect from people who only see him as that weird singer who dates women but wears dress. How can the blank canvas become legend? For what? He even rarely does interviews and some of them caused more damage - like that last (stunt) one for RS.

He is compared to Robbie Williams and Justin Timberlake because all of them are way more popular than the boyband they came from but have you seen recent teenagers knowing Robbie Williams or Justin Timberlake and naming at least 5 songs from them? I have a huge doubt. Both of them were famous and on top in their times but their fame slowly fades with another generation of singers like...Harry Styles. And not forget to mention imo he´s this popular rn just because there´s no competition in male singers because there are no competitors and TS, Beyonce or Billie Eilish won´t take cause exodus of harries. All I see is artificialy-made hype around him and everything he does. He may do sold out 15 residency shows per venue and break records on streaming sites but that´s just numbers. You could see how icon (writing in sarcasm) he was last year at Grammy when audience was pissed ´cause he took AOTY from Beyonce. This is definitely not how respected icon (as they push him) is treated. Lately I have even got doubts about if that also legendary show at Slane Castle wasn´t done on purpose to push the icon narrative like "oh look, only icons like Queen had show there so H must be legend too now" - unpopular opinion but I think Sony came to the owner of the castle, made deal with him to let H play there and push it like he invided H to play there to feed the icon narrative. He even compared H to Bowie which takes me back to the beginning of the this ask - you have to be yourself to be icon and not be another XY of the generation.

Hi, anon!

Yes, i agree with this. I think Sony is building a icon/legend narrative around him. Like he's a big star, sought after, and untouchable. But he's not. He's not there yet.

I don't think it's enough to be yourself to become an icon. You need to be different, provide something new, exciting and original, and you need to stand out from the rest. Be epic. Being a blank canvas and trying to be everything to everyone isn't going to make him stand out. He's not showing character or personality. There is no social commentary from him either and he seems distanced and unavailable. He's a money making machine who's created to be a huge, but fast burning star.

It's hard to tell who will be come the icons and legends of tomorrow, but i think the way to go isn't using the same old tricks of the past, but being ahead of the times.

[the-punslinger]

Exandria Unlimited Quotes and Memorable Moments - Series 1 (3/?)

[On the name The Third Wing] Robbie: "I've got questions. Is it like an unwanted third wing?" Aabria: "Yeah, yeah. It's a goose trying to hide it." Robbie: "Start building the lore." Aimee: "Opal's like, where's the second one?" Aabria: "There's two out and the third's being tucked away. He's got a bow tie." Aimee: "It's a franchise." Aabria: "Yeah. There's a couple of these across..." Matt: "Kind of more of a fan of The Vestigial Tail myself, but you know. "

Goliath owner of The Third Wing: "You guys are up very early. Any cool parties? What's going on? Are you all here from the Everdawn?" Fearne and Opal: "Yes." Opal: "He got shit on his beard." Goliath woman: "No, I smelled it when he came in. I wasn't going to say anything." Opal: "Its pretty great." Goliath woman: "Did you do it?" Opal: "I didn't do it. Someone else did it. But what happens in the townhouse stays in the townhouse. Except for the poop on the beard. Because that came here." Goliath woman: "Yeah, next time, please don't have shit on you when you come to my restaurant. It's just a thought." Opal: "Oh, for sure." Goliath woman: "Thank you." Dorian: "To answer your question, we started at the party, and since then we've been sort of milling about as freelance adventurers." Goliath woman: "Yeah, okay. [...] Do something adventure-y." Opal: "You're catching us at a bad time. I mean, we're usually very professional." Dorian: "Yeah." Goliath woman: "You just talked about putting shit on the dwarf." Opal: "I know but that's... That's a bad time I'm talking about you caught us in." Fearne: "Yeah, that was-- that was..." Opal: "Not our highest. Orym: "Hey, man, work hard, play hard." Fearne: "Yeah. Goliath woman: "That, I kind of believe." Dorian: "If you're not interested, I guess I don't have to regale you with stories of our adventures so, I'll just have some bacon. And my feelings are hurt, and I'm going to walk over to the bacon and I'm going to eat a piece. I was feeling proud, and now my feelings are hurt, goliath lady." Dorian: "Yes. I'm a bard." Fearne: "Play us a song! Goliath woman: "Yeah, play us a song." Dorian: "Well, I have bacon lips, it's hard to play the flute with bacon lips. All right. Just one. And I, on my hip, I have what appears to be a handaxe but with a gentle click I unclip it from the axe part and it's actually a flute, which is the handle of my axe." Aabria: "She goes, "Ooh." Dorian: "Eighteen, oh, and a nine, so 18, with performance, that is a 22!" Aabria: "Nice! By the end of your song, she's just sitting at the end of the table and her arms are leaning on it,and the entire, this 50-pound, solid--is tilted in her direction and she's just staring at you."That was lovely." Dorian: "I finish my last note and I clip my flute back on, and I am-- Aabria: "You see her turn her ring around." Dorian: "...But I'm kind of into it and I like the attention. So I give her a wink and then I go back, and I turn my shoulder coyly and I go back to my bacon." Orym: "Old Honey Flute, they call him." Dariax: "Right in the moment of this heated attraction I lean into her eyeshot and be like: 'All right, piss on my spear, shit in my beard, that's two pranks, well done. Whoever else did this for me, let me know because I'm going to get you back. It's going to happen. I'm just waiting for the day. I'm proud of you, I'm proud of you all.' Aabria: "She startles back." Fearne: "I think that was my fault." Dariax: "Respect." Fearne: "I love pranks." Dariax: "Oh, we're going to have some times." Fearne: "Okay!" Dariax: "You see his demeanor change from a jovial to plotting." Aabria: "Yeah, you guys are able to spend a lovely morning eating. You don't have to pay for any of it. That goliath woman is just creeping, like she's in a very high window sill eight feet up and you can see her little eyes look over at you. Give a big obvious wink, and then you hear her elbow someone and they say, 'Ugh, ow. Let me have this!'"

[ktrsss1fics]

Cake By The Ocean: Eight.

If you were to ask Georgina Ferguson what her last full day in Mykonos would consist of, never in a million years would she say a day at the beach with her boyfriend followed by a night on the town with her closest friends. As the bars began to close, the gang made their way back home. Mags and Jenna held hands and gossiped. Jamie, Keith, and Niall were singing some song from the early 2000s. Georgina trailed behind everyone reminiscing about her time in Greece.  She was drunk off sangria and the smell of a certain Irishman’s cologne. This trip was exactly what she needed. Her heart was happy and her love meter was full. 

“Ferg, wait until we’re home to undress the poor boy.” Dave said, wrapping his arm around her shoulder. 

“Heart wants what it wants, David.” Georgina smiled as she took her eyes off her boyfriend.

“He truly thinks the world of you.” Dave said. 

“Assss he should.” Brittany slurred as she slipped her hand into Georgina’s. 

A moment of silence passed between the trio. It wasn’t very long until the house they were staying in came into view. Georgina gave her best friend’s hand a squeeze as the rest of their friends filed inside. 

“You two should come over for dinner when we get home.” Brittany said. “It’ll be like old times.”

“But now we know they’re shaggin’.” Dave teased. 

“The kids are in love. Leave ‘em alone.” Britt said. 

“Doesn’t take away from the fact that she’s probably sat on his face by now.” Dave said smugly. 

“David!” Brittany and Georgina groaned  in unison.

The gentle giant placed a quick kiss on the top of Georgina’s head. “Only taking the piss, babes.”

“We’ve talked about this, what she does in the bedroom is-is-is her business.” Brittany said. 

“You birds take everything so seriously.” Her boyfriend sighed. 

“Oi, what are they on about, Davey?” Niall asked from inside the house.

“Nialler, settle a bet for me—“ Dave started to say before Georgina cut him off. 

“We aren’t in neutral territory anymore.” She said stepping inside. “Use your indoor voice.”

Marco, Ashlee, and Mar had declined the invitation to go out with everyone. No one understood why but they were not fond of the Terrible Threesome. Everyone was counting down the days until they said goodbye to them for good. 

Dave kissed her head once more before peeling away from her side. “Yes, Mum.”

“I’ll have a talk with him when we are alone.” Brittany said to her best friend as her boyfriend walked away. 

“He’s only doin’ it to push me buttons.” Ferg sighed. 

“Y’alright baby?” Brittany asked. 

“It’s probably because I’m drunk but I really don’t want to go home.” Georgina said. “It’s just going to be work and deadlines and I’m not gonna see everyone as much as I’d like.”

“I don’t know if you agree with me but this — as crazy as it sounds — has been the best trip we’ve been on and like I just don’t want things to change. You know?”

“It definitely has been one for the record books.” Brittany said grabbing onto Georgina’s other hand. “But you know you aren’t in this alone, right?”

“Yeah—“ Georgina said but Brittany shook her head. 

Britt looked up at her best friend. “We’ve all decided that we’ve got you. You aren’t in this alone anymore. We all talked and we aren’t letting any outside influences mess this up because—“

“He’s The Baby.” Georgina blushed. 

“And you’re you.” Britt smiled.

“Yeah but—“

“Oh fuck off Georgie.” Britt rolled her eyes. “They love you more than they love him most days.”

Georgina could feel her cheeks grow warm. Her friends truly meant the world to her and knowing they were fully supportive of her relationship with Niall meant everything. She truly didn’t know what she would do without them. 

“Fergithica and Brittania we need you over here. ASAP!!” Jenna shouted from the living room. 

“Where my bitches at?” Mags said through a microphone. 

“Oh god.” Britt said with her eyes closed. 

“I thought we hid the mic.” Georgina said wide-eyed. 

“Who the fuck gave her a mic?” Jamie cackled from the kitchen. 

Georgina and Brittany made their way into the living room while the rest of the boys joined them. Standing center stage were the drunkest members of the Hen House. 

“We wanna do karaoke!” Jenna said leaning against Margaret. 

“You lot can’t sing while sober.” Keith said taking a seat beside Georgina on the couch. “Who says you can in the state you’re in.”

“We have a thing called talent, Miller.” Mags slurred into the mic. “Might wanna look it up babes.”

“Yeah, as much talent as two cats in heat.” Keith mumbled making Georgina laugh. 

“Also, stating this now, Niall Horan is not allowed to sing.” Mags said pointing to the brown haired man. 

Niall threw his hands up in defense. “Whatever you want, babes.”

“Who wants to be the DJ?” Jenna asked, scanning the crowd that had formed. 

“What song you ruinin’ first?” Dave asked as he pulled out his phone. 

“Hmm… ‘Chandelier’ by Sia.” Jenna said causing the room to erupt into laughter. 

“Oh fuck right off you dicks.” Mags glared. 

As David cued up the music on the television, Jamie carefully walked in the room with a tray of drinks. 

“We are gonna need these.” Jamie said as his girlfriend got ready to sing her drunken heart out.  

The two women cleared their throats. Niall took this as a sign to make his way towards the couch. Not only did he want a front row seat to the show about to be performed but he wanted to be closer to the woman he loved. 

The Irishman had tried his best to keep his hands to himself when they were out in public. He didn’t know how comfortable Georgina was with showing any display of affection in front of their friends. He had made her keep their relationship a secret for months. The last thing he wanted to do was make her uncomfortable by forcing too much affection too soon. 

Although he tried to keep his distance, the alcohol in his system and the way Georgina looked had his mind racing. He couldn’t wait until they were alone later. Niall leaned back in his seat before resting a hand on Georgina’s leg. This was exactly how he wanted to end their trip.

“This one is specifically dedicated to Keith Reginald Miller.” Mags said with a wink. “My biggest fan.”

Keith rolled his eyes. “You wanker.”

“Woo! That’s my baby.” Jamie cheered as he took a seat on the floor.

The next couple hours were filled with goblets of sangria and very poor renditions of some of the greatest songs ever created. From Robbie Williams to Lionel Richie,  Fergie and the gang sang their heart's out in the middle of that Grecian villa. 

While Jamie and Davey belted out a Bob Seger banger, Niall decided they needed food to sop up some of the liquor they had consumed. The Irishman made his way into the kitchen to see what he could come up with. Naturally, Georgina followed in suit.

The pair decided on grilled cheese sandwiches. They hoped the bread would bring everyone down a notch. Fortunately, their flights were in the evening so they had time to sleep off the hangover that was sure to take form once everyone headed to bed.

“Britt wants us to come over for dinner when we get back.” Georgina said as she pulled a piece of cheddar cheese away from the paper packaging.

“Just us four?” Niall asked, pressing a spatula into a slice of bread making it sizzle in the pan.

“Just like the good ol’ days.” She said with a nod.

“That’ll be brilliant.” Niall smiled as he looked up at her.

The kitchen grew quiet as the couple worked in peace. Their system had become second nature. Niall was in charge of grilling while Georgina took take care of all the prep work. A pile of sandwiches started to take form on the plate within minutes. It was just further proof that they were in fact a good team.

“Babe, are you sure we---” Niall said, flipping over one last sandwich.

“We’re gonna be good.” Georgina said reassuring him. “I promise.”

“I love you.” He smiled. “Like a lot.”

Georgina leaned against the counter. “I love you too.”

Once the last sandwich was finished, Niall walked over to where his girlfriend was standing. He rested his hands on the counter beside her. He leaned in close. 

“Just so we are both aware, I’m fucking you as soon as that door closes tonight.” He said softly. 

Georgina’s face lit up at the husky tone of his voice. 

“You can’t just look like an absolute goddess and get away with it.” Niall winked.

“Unacceptable, right?” She whispered as he pressed up against her. 

“Completely.” He said.

“Am I going to be punished?” She smirked. 

“Fuck, Georgina!” He said squeezing his eyes shit. “Please don’t give me a hard on in front of our friends.”

Georgina giggled. “Wouldn’t be the first time.”

Niall rolled his eyes making her laugh more. Without thinking, Georgina grabbed his chin and placed a very deep kiss on his lips. Niall’s heart wanted to explode. All he had wanted to do that night was kiss her. Now that he finally had the opportunity to he wasn’t going to stop. A slow and steamy make out session began. 

What the young couple didn’t know was that their every move was being recorded from the doorway of the kitchen by a very despicable human being. Every kiss that was shared in that kitchen was strung together in a short video that could ruin them. 

Marlene truly was the worst person on the planet. 

With a smug look on her face, the young American stopped the video. She turned slowly but slammed right into the chest of a very angry looking man. 

“Delete it.” He said. 

“I-I-I- don’t know what you’re talking about.” She stuttered nervously. 

“Delete the video.”

“I don’t kn—“ She started to say as she attempted to get away. He wouldn’t let her past. 

“Delete the video or I will ruin your life.” He stated.

[365days365movies]

February 1, 2021: Dirty Dancing (1987)

There are two people to credit for the beginning of this month. The first is my girlfriend, who asked that I represent her with this GIF.

Thank you, dear. Anyway, this is one of her favorite romance films, and she’s also not a big romance movie person. She was shocked that I hadn’t seen it, and that’s because of the second person to credit here: my Mom.

That is my Mom in the late ‘80s with her Pomeranian, Pugsley. Yup. This is just the GODDAMN SURFACE of my Mom, who’s quirky as shit. Love her for it, though. But, OK, why is my Mom involved here? Because this is also one of her favorite films. My Dad’s, too, but I’ll talk more about him in April.

However, if you read the Romance February introduction from yesterday, you might be wondering something. If my Mom’s taste in romance movies was so prevalent in my early life, how in the hell have I never seen this movie, one of her favorites? Especially considering the fact that, TMI here, but I WAS BORN TO THE FILM’S SOUNDTRACK. YES. REALLY. HOW HAVE I ESCAPED THIS MOVIE?

Yup. No clue. Shall we remedy that? SPOILERS AHEAD!!!

Recap

It’s 1963 in the Catskills, where Frances “Baby” Houseman (Jennifer Grey), a politically conscious young woman on her way into the Peace Corps, is going on vacation with her parents, Jake and Majorie Houseman (Jerry Orbach and Kelly Bishop), and her sister, Lisa (Jane Brucker). The owner, Max Kellerman (Jack Weston), who’s a friend of the Housemans, welcomes them to the resort.

Later that night, Max is briefing the young male waiters and entertainment, all of whom are hired from Ivy League universities. Well...except for the intriguing young dance instructor in the sunglasses. THAT...would be Johnny Castle (Patrick Swayze).

I wanna just say before I forget, I miss Patrick Swayze. He’s awesome, and he left far too soon.

The next night, during dinner, Max introduces Baby to his grandson, Neil (Lonny Price), who’s just graduated from Cornell’s Hotel Management school. A school which, for the record, is the best hotel school in the USA, and second or third in the world. Also, hotelies (that’s what we called them) are CRAZY. They’re an interesting...bunch...

I, uh... I went to CornellMOVING ON

As Neil awkwardly hits on Baby, everybody encourages them having a relationship, despite her CLEARLY not wanting any of this. She instead watches Johnny skillfully mambo with another girl on center floor. After being roped into a magic act by Neil, and given a chicken by Stan (Wayne Knight, which I’m a fan of), she leaves, annoyed and irritated.

On her way back, she sees Johnny’s cousin, Billy (Neal Jones) struggling with a few GIGANTIC watermelons. She offers to help him, and he brings her to a secret house party, where some dancing’s happening. Some...dirty dancing.

Interesting side note here: racial integration! In 1963, remember, so that’s interesting. I mean, if anybody’s a fan of that, it’s gonna be me. At the party, Johnny arrives with Penny Johnson (Cynthia Rhodes), his dance partner from the mambo floor. Johnny sees her there, and questions her presence, to which she makes an adorably awkward comment. And then...they do a dance of their own.

The next day, Lisa makes a love connection with one of the waiters, and asks Baby to cover for her. Baby also speaks to Penny, who doesn’t come from the best background. That night, Penny’s missing, and Neil gives Cornell students just the WORST goddamn name as he very awkwardly hits on Baby. He takes her to the kitchen, and that’s where Baby sees Penny.

Yeah, Penny’s not OK. Baby goes to Billy and Johnny, who go to get her. Turns out Penny’s pregnant, but Johnny’s not the father. They’re obviously quite close, although they aren’t romantically tangled. Baby, coming from a place of much higher privilege, doesn’t quite understand how difficult this is. Penny berates her for this, and it’s revealed that the father is Robbie Gould (Max Cantor), one of the waiters, who’s also the guy that’s been hanging around Lisa.

Baby confronts him the following day, where he states that “Some people count, some people don’t.” He also offers her a copy of The Fountainhead, a well-known book for complete and utter douchenozzles. She warns him to stay away from her sister, then goes to ask her father for money for the abortion. Which, by the way, was very illegal in 1963. She gets the money from her dad, who gives it without asking many questions.

However, there’s an issue; Johnny and Penny have to dance on the only night she can get the abortion. And there’s nobody to replace her...except maybe Baby? Johnny’s entirely against it, they end up convincing him, for Penny’s sake. And now, we get a hallmark of ‘80s cinema: the training montage.

This is a pretty good time to note three things. One, Jennifer Grey is the daughter of Joel Grey, one of the GREATEST actor/dancers ever to grace Hollywood and Broadway. Dude was one of the main characters in Cabaret, for which he won an Oscar, and originated the role of the Wizard of Oz in Wicked. So, yeah, she’s got dancing blood. Secondly, Patrick Swayze and Jennifer Grey apparently HATED each other. Yeah, kind of a bummer. But their chemistry was SO GODDAMN POWERFUL, that they were able to push through their feelings and do this as well as they are. And third...THIS SOUNDTRACK BOPS. 

I get it. I GET IT.

Something else I get, too. The chemistry between Grey and Swayze really does sizzle, GODDAMN. Over the course of the montage, they clearly get closer emotionally...and physically. And yeah, it’s definitely there. Although, given the fact that they’re from different class backgrounds, it’s probably gonna be one of those stories. Well, OK. Let’s do it.

After a little too much time practicing, the two take a break. And yet, while on a nature excursion, they continue their training in different environments. Most iconically, they practice lifts in the lake.

Yeah...yeah, I get it.

The day approaches, and Baby and Penny have a bit of a heart-to-heart. Penny asks Lisa to cover for her (and I’m betting that she won’t, LIKE AN ASSHOLE), and she heads to the dance gig. It mostly goes OK, but the lift is aborted at the last second. However, the performance is still received well. They leave JUST before an elderly couple from the resort sees them. 

Johnny gives her a pep-talk, telling her that she did well, and the music on the car radio hints at their growing mutual attraction. But once they get there, tragedy’s struck. Turns out that the abortion doctor was a dangerous quack, and Penny’s now dangerous injured, in pain and possibly dying. Panicking, Baby does THE RIGHT THING, I can’t stress that enough, THE RIGHT GODDAMN THING, and gets her doctor father.

Understandably upset (and yeah, it is understandable, all things considered), Dr. Houseman forbids Baby from seeing Johnny or any of the others ever again. This situation...sucks. Damn. And Baby agrees, as she sneaks off to see Johnny anyway. She apologizes to Johnny for how her father treated her, but Johnny blames his own social status for it, rather than her father.

Their conversation becomes very real, and eventually turns into Baby declaring her love for Johnny. As a song comes on the radio, she asks him to dance with her. Giving in to his own feelings, he agrees. And together they engage in some...Dirty Dancing.

As the two dirty dance horizontally, the night turns to day. That morning, things are definitely awkward between Baby and her father, who almost takes his family away that night. But, his wife and Lisa convince him to stay. He even comes back to visit Penny, checking in to make sure she’s alright, which Baby finds out once she does the same.

Things are also a little awkward between Baby and Johnny, interestingly. Wonder how last night ended. Well, Penny figures it out, and warns Johnny about the risks off getting involved with the upper class. Which, remember, is how she ended up this way. The two have a tense-but-intimate exchange. Which just preludes this IMMEDIATELY happening.

Yeah, that’s not a surprise. Well, more heart-to-heart proceeds, and they continue to learn about each other’s lives. That night, Lisa tells Baby that she wants to go all the way with Robbie. Despite Baby’s warnings, Lisa simply tells her off, and is generally, I’ll be honest, a bitch. The next morning, though, Baby and Johnny have another dance session. And it’s THAT session. You know the one.

Neil interrupts, and proceeds to give a bad name to Cornellians everywhere (I’m not like that putz, I SWEAR), and pisses off Johnny in the process. She asks why he didn’t stand up for himself, and then immediately hides Johnny from her father, who’s walking with Robbie and Lisa. Rightfully calling her a hypocrite, he storms off.

And then they immediately resolve it. Which, GODDAMN, do I appreciate. Robbie strolls by, makes a typical crass comment about Baby, and then Johnny BEATS THE EVER-LOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM

OH FUCK YES. And if that wasn’t enough catharsis, Lisa catches Robbie with one of the high society wives from earlier, as they sleep together in a cabin. OH. YES. THAT’S SOME GOOOOOOOOOOOOD SHIT.

Baby and Johnny, in the actual good and fully-developed relationship of this movie, spend the night together. And are seen the next morning by the high society wife, who had the hots for Johnny.

The wife, Vivian (Miranda Garrison), implicates Johnny in stealing a wallet. Johnny’s about to be fired, and then BABY ADMITS THAT THEY WERE TOGETHER IN FRONT OF HER FATHER HOLY FUCK

She did it. She actually did it. Goddamn. And then, AND THEN, she TELLS HER FATHER OFF AND CALLS HER OUT FOR HIS ELITISM HOLY FUCKING SHIT I AM IN LOVE WITH THIS MOVIE. And then, Jerry Orbach fuckin’ starts tearing up, and I AM SHOOK MOTHERFUCKER

And yet, even though the wallets were actually stolen by an elderly couple that Baby actually implicated, Johnny gets fired anyway. GODDAMN. After Baby completely loses heart, Johnny confronts her father, and learns that he believes that he was the one who got Penny pregnant. Johnny semi-tells him off, then walks away.

At his car, Johnny and Baby say goodbye with a kiss, and Johnny heads off forever. I mean, probably not, there’s a good 16 minutes left, and we haven’t gotten to the most iconic scene of the film yet. But anyway, Baby mourns her lost relationship, and her sister actually bonds with her over this whole thing. Hot damn.

I want to punch Neil in the goddamn face. Mostly just because he’s on screen, but also because he LITERALLY ruins the goddamn anthem of Cornell University, by setting the anthem for the resort against its melody. Goddamn you, Neil. GODDAMN YOU. Also, fuck Robbie, because he LITERALLY OUTS HIMSELF to Dr. Houseman as Penny’s former deadbeat partner. As the anthem continues (to my rage), who shows up but Johnny, who comes to stick up for Baby and all she’s done.

He brings her up on stage, and interrupts the anthem (THANK YOU CHRIST) to perform the last dance of the season, as he always does. Despite Dr. Houseman’s would-be objections (prevented by his wife, who has moved up on my list of favorite characters), the two are left alone on stage. And that...is when the song plays. YOU KNOW THE GODDAMN SONG

Y’know, it’s funny, because this song is definitely an ‘80s song, making this whole sequence pretty goddamn anachronistic, but WHO CARES!? It’s one of the most iconic sequences in film history, especially of the era, and I love the hell out of it. The crowd cheers, the rest of the kids join in, the lift happens, father and daughter make up, everybody dances, I dance with my girlfriend, I LOVE IT! They kiss, they dance and the film fades to black.

Dirty Dancing! See you in the Review! Oh, I’m changing the name of that section, by the way. Alongside a few more things. You’ll see.

[ryanmeft]

Movie Review: Birds of Prey

Birds of Prey is absolutely a product, and Grrl Power, as a brand, is being used to sell it. To deny this was a factor at every stage of production would be credulity beyond reason---the characters frequently point it out, managing to work comments about the power of women and the horribleness of men into conversation about every ten minutes. It just so happens that it works. The movie’s operating on the same turf as hundreds of flicks where one team of hard men takes on the world and wins, seducing or dominating any women they happen to come across. It’s just that the roles have been flipped.

If you’re expecting more, you’ll be disappointed. The plot’s as thin as they come. Harley Quinn (Margot Robbie, also a producer and chief motivator in getting the movie made) has, sometime after the events of the godawful Suicide Squad, been given the boot by the Joker, who is never seen outside of animation or brief silhouette because Jared Leto is presumably expensive. Without the protection offered her by Gotham’s #1 crime figure, it’s open season on Harley. Text flashes on screen to break down what she’s done to piss off each new assailant, and some of the offenses are genuinely funny. Eventually, though, she realizes it’s too hot for her to handle, and in exchange for her life agrees to track down a valuable diamond for twisted small-time crime lord Roman Sionis (Ewan McGregor). The diamond is nothing but a plot device which serves to bring the other characters into the fold. There’s aging police detective Renee Montoya (Rosie Perez), who was passed over for promotion in favor of a man. Dinah Lance (Jurnee Smollett-Bell) is a singer at Roman’s nightclub and later bodyguard, whose inept colleague Zsasz (Chris Messina) almost immediately loses the jewel to a teenaged pickpocket (Ella Jay Basco). Mary Elizabeth Winstead is a crossbow-wielding killer tracking down underworld figures. Not a single bit of this matters in the least---it’s all there because the movie needs a reason, however flimsy, for these people to be out there fighting against and eventually with each other.

The fuel of the film is energy, not plot. With respect to the talented cast, two of its members bring most of the heat: Robbie and McGregor. Robbie previously played the role in Suicide Squad, where she and Will Smith were the only reasons not to walk out. Her co-stars aren’t as dull this time around---Christina Hodson’s script has a few good ideas for them, like Winstead’s frustration over her superhero name. Without Robbie’s Quinn, however, the team would be largely standard (the ending offers a convenient way to remove her from the sequel, which also provides a convenient reason not to make one). She mercifully puts paid to the idea that her “relationship” with Joker, long idealized by comic fans who confuse regular abuse with love, is a good thing. Robbie gets the most out of the character, breaking the fourth wall and causing low-key mayhem with a lot of profanity while secretly wishing for a more ordinary life.

McGregor, in turn, is perfect as the villain, and it is to the credit of director Cathy Yan that she seems to have mostly allowed these two characters to do their thing---no amount of micro-managing could be responsible for Sionis’s deeply disturbing-yet-magnetic mad criminal, who gets a clearly sexual charge out of having people’s faces cut off and struts about in pink shirts like a maniacal parade float. When he eventually puts on the character’s titular black mask, it feels like performance art. I don’t typically read cast lists going in, and was surprised to find someone of McGregor’s caliber, known for playing heroes, in the role. He’s usually got a fairly relaxed style, a sort of Aw, Shucks leading man in the vein of Jimmy Stewart. Tasked with playing a scene-chewing baddie, though, he licks the plate clean and orders seconds.  

When Martin Scorsese said superhero pictures were amusement park rides and that they had their place, I feel like this is the sort of movie that exemplifies that comment. It’s not there to suggest new ideas to you, to take you into the souls of any of the characters, or even to try out new concepts in technical filmmaking, It’s there to offer the target audience exactly what they came to receive, and is very careful to disguise or omit anything that might get in the way of that. As an example, many of Harley’s stunts---blowing up a chemical factory, drunkenly assaulting nightclub patrons, charging down a supermarket check-out line with a full cart---are, in keeping with the character, snap decisions, and if she did them in real life would be incredibly likely to get women and men hurt. The film makes sure to only place men in the path of these rampages. At times you can hear the screenwriter’s voice, saying “Okay, we made sure not to alienate anyone we want to impress with this scene.”

Normally I might kick more about such things, but then the movie is only doing what testicle-centric action pictures have been doing since the dawn of film: carefully arranging things so that the heroes don’t do any serious or lasting harm to anyone or anything which might affect our identification with them. It happens every time John McClane mows through city streets in a truck or a snowplow or whatever, and miraculously only the bad guys get hurt; no accidental flattenings of a family minivan here. That places Birds of Prey not so much as female empowerment---which is more the goal of Wonder Woman or Captain Marvel---but as female catharsis, as the kind of power fantasy normally aimed at men but now being offered to women. Men who think the very existence of such a movie is political would do well to remember they do not think that when Liam Neeson and his particular set of skills single-handedly end sex trafficking without once harming an innocent bystander.

Verdict: Recommended

Note: I don’t use stars, but here are my possible verdicts.

Must-See

Highly Recommended

Recommended

Average

Not Recommended

Avoid like the Plague

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[the-desolated-quill]

Sonic Vs Harley: Send In The Hedgehogs - Quill’s Scribbles

Unless you’ve been meditating in the desert for the past couple of weeks, you’ll know that there’s a bloody epidemic going on in the world right now. The coronavirus outbreak has dramatically changed our very way of life for the foreseeable future, and us plebs have been having to get used to all these alien concepts such as social distancing, self isolation, vaccines being good and Gal Gadot murdering John Lennon with a tuneless rendition of ‘Imagine.’ These are scary and uncertain times we live in, and this goes double for the movie industry as productions are halted and/or delayed, and cinemas around the globe are shutting shop. This means that streaming services, initially dismissed by pompous filmmakers like Steven Spielberg as being lesser than cinema, has now become Hollywood’s saving grace. Oh the irony!

But I’m not here to talk about that. Today I’m here to talk about how a blue CGI hedgehog seems to be more profitable than Margot Robbie.

Jokes aside, this is actually a fascinating topic of discussion in my opinion. Both Sonic The Hedgehog and Birds Of Prey (I categorically refuse to type the whole title because I’ve got better shit to be doing other than trying to remember how the fuck you spell ‘fantabulous’) were released within a week of each other just as the coronavirus outbreak was gathering steam, and yet the box office earnings of both films are poles apart. Sonic has now become the highest grossing video game movie of all time and is, at the time I’m typing this, the second highest grossing film of the year, beating even Disney Pixar’s new film Onward if you can believe it, whereas Birds Of Prey... well... it’s not exactly flopped as such. The film’s low budget protected it from that, but it’s hardly what you’d call a success, making just shy of the $200 million it would need to break even. How did this happen? Especially when you consider that public opinion of both films a year ago would have you believe that the opposite would have happened. Everyone was massively excited for Birds Of Prey, especially after the string of successes DC have had with Aquaman, Shazam and most recently Joker, whereas Sonic...

...yeah, lets not talk about that.

Now before we start, let me just make absolutely clear that this is just my opinion. Mu subjective opinion. Normally I’d expect my readers to be smart enough to know this, but I’m talking about a DC movie here and I know from personal experience how ‘passionate’ a certain tin foil hat wearing portion of that fanbase can be sometimes. You may recall back in 2016 I received rape and death threats when I had the gall to say that I didn’t enjoy watching Suicide Squad. You know? That beloved classic that nobody fucking remembers or talks about anymore? Also there was that time when Harley Quinn fans started spreading fake rumours that the Sonic movie was homophobic in the hopes of salvaging Birds Of Prey’s box office earnings. And yes, I know it’s not all DCEU fans that are like this, etc. etc., but considering that it only ever seems to be DC fans that pull shit like this, you’ll forgive me if I’m not exactly in a very generous mood right now. Basically, if you’ve seen Birds Of Prey and liked it, that’s great. More power to you. I’m not even suggesting that Birds Of Prey is a bad movie. I’m just exploring the reasons why I think the film may have underperformed and why, possibly, Sonic The Hedgehog overtook them despite outside circumstances. This is not fact. This is just my opinion. It’s my opinion. An opinion. A subjective opinion. It’s my opinion. Okay? Okay.

Also I should point out that out of the two films, I’ve only seen Sonic, not Birds Of Prey. Believe it or not, this will be relevant later on. Again, this is not about the quality of either film. This is merely my subjective observations regarding their respective marketing and box office performance.

So why, according to the fans and the media, did Birds Of Prey underperform at the box office? There are three popular reasons for this. The first is obviously the coronavirus. Less people willing to leave the house and buy a ticket, therefore less box office earnings. Makes sense, but I don’t think that’s the whole story. Lets not forget, Sonic The Hedgehog came out a week after Birds Of Prey and practically steamrolled over the competition despite coronavirus fears. So I’m not entirely convinced of this. The second reason is that Birds Of Prey only has niche appeal because it’s based on a lesser known comic book property. Again, makes sense, but so was Guardians Of The Galaxy and Deadpool, and they were both hugely successful. Obviously I’m not saying Birds Of Prey needed to be as big as those movies. Even if it just made the same amount of money as Shazam did, it would have been successful, but it didn’t. The third reason is good old fashioned sexism, and yes, I agree that may have been a contributing factor, but I think it’s naive to place all the blame on the anti-SJWs who feel threatened by a gang of women kicking butt. Look at the 2016 reboot of Ghostbusters for example. That film received a tirade of misogynistic comments from butthurt fanboys, but it still made roughly the same amount of money at the box office as the original Ghostbusters did. The reason it flopped wasn’t because of the fanboys, but because of Sony spending a stupid amount of money on the thing in the hopes of jumpstarting a shared universe. If Ghostbusters 2016 had the same budget as Birds Of Prey, Sony would be laughing their way to the bank right now.

No I think there’s a little bit more going on here. Lets bring Sonic into the discussion and explore it, shall we?

The most blatantly obvious reason for Sonic’s success and Birds Of Prey’s relative failure is the age rating. Sonic is a PG, family friendly film with a cuddly animal as its main character. The film even stars Jim Carrey being his usual goofy self. Kids love this shit and parents will no doubt be prepared to risk a zombie apocalypse to let their kids see it. Birds Of Prey, on the other hand, is a hard R. Strong bloody violence, sexual references, everyone says ‘fuck’ a lot. No kids allowed. Of course that hasn’t stopped films like Deadpool or Joker being such giant hits, but they didn’t have to contend with a global pandemic. Plus, according to what I’ve heard from certain critics, apparently Birds Of Prey’s R rating doesn’t seem wholly justified. That if you were to cut back on the swearing and the gore, it would make no difference to the film. Now you see this is something I’ve been afraid would happen ever since Deadpool’s surprise success back in 2016. That studios and filmmakers would take the wrong lessons from it and make their films R rated just for the sake of making them R rated. We see this with movie studios all the time. One studio finds success and suddenly everyone tries to copy it without considering why it was successful in the first place. The reason Deadpool as well as other R rated films like Logan and Joker worked is because the films justified their R ratings. You couldn’t have told the same story without that R rating. An R rated Harley Quinn doesn’t seem necessary, especially when you consider that there have been Harley Quinn adaptations before that did just as well without being strictly for adults. Hell, the original Harley Quinn story from the Batman animated series was PG rated. So the inclusion of a R rating feels less like a genuine artistic choice and more like trend chasing. And now that Joker has become the most profitable comic book movie ever made, I fear this is only going to get worse in the future.

Another factor that needs to be considered is audiences’ trust and expectation. Sonic The Hedgehog’s journey to the big screen has in some ways become the classic redemption story. After the initial reveal of Sonic the Manhog, fans were understandably pissed off that a beloved video game icon was given such a grotesque re-imagining for the sake of ‘realism’ (snort). As a result of the backlash, the director Jeff Fowler announced they would revise the design and the film was postponed for three months in order to fix it. The result was a Sonic design much closer to the games and this generated a lot of goodwill from the fans. Subsequent trailers were much better received and there was a lot more positive buzz around the movie. Birds Of Prey on the other hand demonstrated the inverse of this. Everyone was hugely excited, but as we got closer and closer to the date of release, audience anticipation began to wane. The trailers received little fanfare. In fact a lot of people were largely unimpressed by it. Why?

Well first we should address the elephant in the room. The fact of the matter is Sonic has a bigger and much more passionate fanbase than Harley does. That’s not to say Harley isn’t a popular character. She is. But I think Warner Bros and DC seriously overestimated how much people wanted to see Harley Quinn get her own movie. She may have been the best thing about Suicide Squad, but considering what a total trainwreck Suicide Squad was, that’s hardly saying much, is it? I mean the villain Sandman was the best thing about Sam Raimi’s Spider-Man 3. That doesn’t mean I want a whole movie based on him. It just means out of all the things I hated about Spider-Man 3, Sandman was the thing I hated least.

And that’s another thing. The fact that Birds Of Prey didn’t try to distance themselves from Suicide Squad I don’t think did them any favours. While Suicide Squad was a commercial success at the time, people haven’t exactly been kind to the film in subsequent years. I mean feel free to read my review of Suicide Squad for an exhaustive list of reasons why the film was less than enjoyable to sit through. One dimensional characters, poor editing, ugly colour palette, casual sexism, David Ayer trying desperately to look cool and edgy, I could go on. So when the first trailers for Birds Of Prey came out and we saw the neon colour scheme and Hot Topic wardrobes make a comeback, I can’t have been the only one who was slightly put off.

Which leads me to the biggest issue of all and that’s the stonking unoriginality of the whole thing. For all their boasting about how feminist and progressive they are, what is it about Birds Of Prey that makes it stand out from other comic book films? Granted Sonic wasn’t wholly original either, but at least they had the novelty of a blue CGI hedgehog to piggyback off of. Birds Of Prey really doesn’t have anything if you think about it. Here’s the impression I got from the trailers. It has the same aesthetics as Suicide Squad, so already I’m getting PTS style flashbacks, and its story doesn’t seem all that intriguing or unique. Think about it. A violent anti-hero has to protect a delinquent child from some sadistic big baddie. How many times have we seen that done in these films? Terminator 2, Deadpool 2, Logan, even Ghost Rider has told this story before. The fact that the characters in question happen to be women doesn’t change a damn thing. They even have Harley Quinn breaking the fourth wall. Like... guys, come on! Surely we can do something more original than this! It feels like the only thing Birds Of Prey has going for it is that its main protagonists are all women. But after the likes of Wonder Woman and Captain Marvel, that’s no longer a real selling point anymore. You need something else to entice people. Something that Birds Of Prey sorely lacks.

Now I’m sure any Birds Of Prey fans reading this must be getting pissed off at me, so I’d just like to remind everyone yet again that I’m not necessarily saying Birds Of Prey is a bad film. I wouldn’t know. I haven’t seen it. And that’s kind of my point. A week or so ago, my friend and I knew this was probably going to be our last opportunity to go to the cinema for quite some time, so we knew we had to make our choice of film count. We had a choice between Sonic The Hedgehog and Birds Of Prey, and we ended up going to see Sonic. We don’t regret it. We had a good time watching Sonic. It was a fun movie, well made and surprisingly moving at points. (interesting to note, Sonic also has the main protagonist protecting a child plot, but unlike the films I mentioned, Sonic’s story is told from the perspective of the kid. It’s a little thing, but it’s enough to make the whole thing feel fresh and unique because it’s something not even the games tend to acknowledge. Sonic is a kid and the film plays around with that, which adds to its overall charm). Maybe Birds Of Prey is a better movie than Sonic. I don’t know. But that’s not what this is about. When picking which film we would watch, it was the factors I mentioned before that we considered and I suspect what many other people took into consideration too. Basically we looked at these two films and thought to ourselves which one would we be prepared to go outside and risk our health for in order to see it in a cinema. In the end, Sonic won because, out of the two films, it looked more exciting and more unique than Birds Of Prey, and ultimately we trusted that this film could deliver what it promised. Is that fair? Probably not, but sadly that’s often how these things play out. 

Birds Of Prey may have had a good critical reception, but it ultimately shot itself in the foot thanks to some of its creative and marketing decisions. And if studios take anything away from all this, it should be that relying solely on the gender of the main characters as a means to sell something just doesn’t cut it anymore.

[dextervexter]

god it really wasn’t as bad as it could have been but it certainly wasn’t the best. I will say it was definitely no where near as horny as everyone is making it out to be.

so first of all, I’m opening with I’m not gonna talk about the ENTIRE movie but just some parts of it but there will definitely be spoilers

I was right about a LOT of stuff going in, like Macavity whisking away a lot of the contenders for rebirth so he could be chosen. I was also right about Taylor Swift not being in the movie for more than five minutes, I was right about Tugger not having a massive role, I was right about Grizabella being given a past with Macavity, and I was right about the dancing being fuckin bad

I was also unfortunately right about Jenny eating her cockroaches and I literally could not look at the screen during her whole number I was so upset I felt so trapped The Gumbie Cat Number Is A Fucking Hostage Situation 

H o w e v e r -wheeze-

Over all, it was Cats. It was a really REALLY weird take on Cats, but it was consistent with the stage play save for some changes with characters and pacing. Hooper clearly watched multiple versions of the play to try and get the vision he liked the best. He understood that this would be difficult, and he did what he could to try and get this weird ass musical on screen. There are parts of it I liked, there are parts of it I didn’t care for, and there were parts I astral projected to get away from. But if you go see this movie, you will be seeing Cats as it was when it first arrive on Westend in 1981. Original arrangements of the songs are used as well, for example, Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer  is sung as the jazzy and insidious number from the OLC rather than the bouncy and fun 98 version. I don’t think it’s awful but it’s definitely not what younger fans are familiar with. 

I think the only issue with the musical arrangements I have was the singing because Hooper once again insisted on having everyone sing live and it really hinders a lot of talented people. Often times I found myself wondering if these people were capable of singing in the slightest. But I think that’s just bad choices on Hooper’s part.

Let’s talk about the Good:

The best part of the film is definitely Skimbleshanks, and not just because he fucks and later kills a man with his supreme tap skills. The visuals are great, this is the only part with actual good dancing, and Steven Macrea has fantastic energy. Skimbleshanks is already one of my favorite numbers in the stage musical, and they get pretty creative with this. It was one of the moments in the movie where I could say for sure I was REALLY having a good time.

Also Les Twins were absolutely a treat to watch. They were funny, talented, clearly having a ton of fun, and played off each other as though they weren’t in a movie, they were just goofing around like real siblings do. I found myself actually missing them when they weren’t on screen

Robbie Fairchild does a decent Munkustrap and has some fun exchanges with the other characters. I also thought Jason Derulo did a wonderful job as Tugger despite not being in the film a lot. He’s self centered, clearly caught up in his own world, and is so obsessed with himself he doesn’t really flirt with anyone or focus a lot on Victoria for too long because he’s just so in love with himself and what he wants. And honestly that is basically just tugger.

The visuals are also really nice. The sets and practical effects help the movie feel more real and bring a great sense of life to this world that is happening right under the human one. The whole movie has this lovely, dream like quality to it, and it helped remind everyone we weren’t supposed to take it so seriously. 

There were also a moment with Munkustrap that I thought was really cute, where Jenny complains she’s just as good as Tugger because she can break dance too. You hear Munkustrap chuckle and say “oh yeah? show me.” in a really playful way and it was adorable, even if it resulted in me seeing Rebel Wilson pop and lock,

Lastly, and this is a big one I know a lot of fans were angry about: Misto is implied to like victoria, but it’s never stated that they end up together. Actually a lot of their interactions can be interpreted as Just Friends Being Pals. It’s definitely not as big of a problem as a lot of people were making it out to be, but it’s just not interesting and doesn’t really matter to the plot.

I liked more of it than I was expecting, especially the little shout outs to Eliot’s original drafts of the poems. I’m seeing it again tomorrow with friends so I’ll probably post more about the things I missed (i seriously missed a lot of the gumbie cat number because i was too horrified to look so maybe i will be braver this time)

NOW THE BAD!!!

This is literally the worst fucking Macavity ever and Idris Elba had every right to be as piss drunk as he was at the premier. In fact I’m pretty sure he was drunk for a majority of the film. It’s very clear he is not having a good time, he is not enjoying the story, and he doesn’t want to be there. Granted, I’m willing to place a lot of the blame on Hooper’s take on the story, which required Macavity to be a greater presence, but a lot of what we see is a clowning, pathetic, loser who is throwing a tantrum because he isn’t getting his way and he’s very very naked for most of it. His last moments in the film were so laughable, so embarrassing, and so unbelievably desperate that I could barely watch. There is no dignity in Elba’s performance, and nothing mysterious or threatening about him. It’s not just 2019 Macavity that hurts this movie though, it’s how Macavity changes a massive part of the story with his nonsense, but I’m saving that for last because it’s a big one and I hate it!

Victoria is basically really bland. There was absolutely no reason to try and make this from her perspective. Like Webber and Hooper say they wanted her to serve as the character we see the world through but she’s bland, uninteresting, and just very boring. I understand their reasoning for making her the lead, as Victoria is a very recognizable character and easy to follow in dark lighting and crowded dancing, but she just simply exists to stare in wonder and ask questions that are answered in songs that she will stare in wonder over. If they wanted to have the audience experience the world through a character they probably should have gone with Munkustrap or something considering he’s narrating a majority of the film and knows what’s going on and can explain things a little better. He’s also a stronger character. Victoria is boasted to be this strong but shy little thing who approaches this new world with curiosity and hope and she’s really not. She doesn’t really get the chance to do or say anything that would help with the plot. she barely speaks to anyone but munk or misto, and it is very much a downgrade from her stage counterpart. Frankie Hayward is a very pretty dancer, but she’s not given much to work with and I found myself not caring in the slightest what she was up to.

This also leads into Beautiful Ghosts, which I posted about before so I’ll just leave this here and move on because I’ve said all I can say and I have more important things to talk about regarding Grizabella. to summarize, I was right and the song sucked.

The dancing is lamentable mess as well. God I sometimes forgot they were dancing. They are moving, but it’s not dancing. I would say only Les Twins and Jaih Bote were the clear dancers because they were pretty much the only ones allowed to put their own personal spins on the choreography. I’ve said it so many times and I will say it again Andy Blankenbluer is a fucking awful choreographer. His work is claustrophobic and ugly to look at. You lose the person in the movement but in the sense that you really don’t care if you see them again. Blankenbluer has stated so many times he feels as though audiences don’t have the attention spans for long dances sequences anymore and want more than one thing to see, but for the love of god could you give us something to look at? The dances are quick, ugly, and the moves are put down before they can make a good impression. He has no understanding of how to define a character through movement, which makes telling everyone apart very difficult, especially since the designs are already so unrecognizale. His work was  atrocious in the 2016 Cats Revival, but at least he had Gillian Lynne’s original choreography to lean on. Without the backing of better choreographers, his work is downright forgettable. 

Now the Big One, the inexcusable and awful part that I hate hate hate: Grizabella.

God I was rooting for her we were all rooting for her. Remember how in the 98 film she’s this broken down, cast aside, character barely hanging by a thread? Yeah in this she not only is given a throw away past where she chooses to side with Macavity for some unknown reason, but she’s chosen as a last resort. Yeah. Remember how I said Macavity’s plot paves the way for the mishandling of a beloved and tragic character. This is it. After Macavity steals literally everyone who is competing for rebirth, after Old D is returned, the Jellicles realize they have no one to choose from for rebirth. Victoria goes outside, brings Grizabella in, they sing memory, and she gets chosen. It is framed in a way that the cats all realize how badly she has it, but oh my god does it come off as heartless, careless and pis aller. Old D has no interaction with Grizabella until this point. The Jellicles don’t really interact with her unless to shoo her away. She is basically a background character for the whole movie. Giving her a past with Macavity was pointless. It never comes up. Macavity never sees her in the film. It’s never stated why she chose him or what she did with him. There is not a shred of dignity in Hudson’s performance, and I fully attribute that to Hooper making all his actors sing on set. Grizabella comes off as pitiable, but not enough to want to see her be reborn. It was downright heartless.

OVERALL!!

I give this movie a 6/10 stars. When they are doing Cats, it’s pretty enjoyable. Not everything I wanted, and some things I genuinely didn’t fucking ask for, but overall it is not as big of a problem as I thought it was going to be. I think if you’re apprehensive or angry about the film, I think you should give it a watch and you’ll either like it or you won’t. 

you should definitely not expect the 98 version, because no version will ever be that perfect, but go in with an open mind and give it a chance. 

[buzzdixonwriter]

A Long But Not Pointless Ramble In Which We Discuss Sci-Fi Flicks

We’re gonna ramble around a bunch of connected topics, so pour yourself a cuppa and enjoy the ride.

. . .

I’m a big fan of 1950s sci-fi B-movies.

Years ago, when I was chatting with the late film historian Bill Warren on this, he made a pertinent observation:  1950s sci-fi B-movies tend to be more fondly remembered than most better mounted and more professionally executed sci-fi films that came afterwards.

There’s a couple of three reasons for this:

The shock of the new -- most of those films pioneered a brand new genre and style, looking far different from previous genre offerings such as Flash Gordon or Things To Come.  As such, they score branding points by being first, even if later examples are better made.

They possess a certain naïve charm -- by and large they’re not sophisticated nor exceptionally well thought out (though when they do demonstrate flashes of intellect, it’s always a delight).  One feels these films are being made up on the fly (and in a certain sense, they were; see (1) above) and in an odd manner they prove more innocent and thus more fun than those that came later.

Most of them were cheap -- this combines with points (1) & (2) to force most 1950s sci-fi B-movies to focus tightly on one idea / one image to sell the film.  As a result there’s a startling clarity of vision in even the most flimsy of productions that’s lacking in later, more elaborate movies.  The weaker examples of this genre are those films trying to cover more ground than their cheaper cousins.

. . .

Two cases in point:  Jack Arnold’s Tarantula for Universal is a technically better made movie than Bert I. Gordon’s The Spider for AIP, but Tarantula loses focus, dawdling about on character development and sub-plots instead of concentrating on the big ass spider.

The Spider is far weaker in the script / performances / production value departments, but who gives a %#@& ? -- it’s got a big ass spider tearing up the countryside for most of the picture.

Not to put down Arnold and his effects crew’s efforts; they ingeniously figured out a way to not only get their tarantula to realistically crawl over uneven landscapes but actually cast a shadow as it did so, heightening the realism.

Gordon, conversely, simple shot his spider in front of still photos; the shots look as crude as they sound.

But The Spider delivers what Tarantula only teases:  An attack by said big ass spider on a population center.  Tarantula famously ends with an uncredited Clint Eastwood napalming the monster in the desert on the outskirts of town; The Spider actually goes rampaging through its town, and features one of the most iconic shots of any sci-fi movie:  As the big ass spider bears down on her, a terrified woman slams her car door shut on her skirt and in her panic tries to tug it loose instead of simply opening the door again.

George Lucas crowds the screen with thousands of furiously dogfighting CGI starships and that lacks the gut punching impact of that one simple terrifying shot. 

. . .

An even more pertinent example can be found in the oeuvre of Irving Block and Jack Rabin (I know, you’re going “Who?”  Patience, young jedi; all will be explained below).

Block and Rabin (along with Louis DeWitt, their silent 3rd partner) ran a small special effects house in Hollywood in the late 1940s-50s with an interesting strategy for drumming up business.

They’d devise an interesting yet inexpensive (i.e., clever but cheap) special effects technique, build a story around it, then pitch that story to low budget movie producers with the proviso their firm would be hired to do the special effects for the final film.

This resulted in a number of low budget sci-fi films built around the kernel of an interesting visual, and while they night not have been great examples of the cinematic art, hey certainly created a number of memorable scenes and images from little more than scotch tape and rubber bands.

Unknown World was their take on Jules Verne’s Journey To The Center Of The Earth (no dinosaurs but then again, no Pat Boone, so they came out ahead on that one); Atomic Submarine pitted the US Navy against a UFO; Kronos featured a wholly unique alien invader; and War Of The Satellites staged an epic space opera on a bargain basement budget.

All noteworthy 1950s sci-fi B-movies, but ironically it was the film where their strategy failed -- or rather, only proved 50% successful -- that stands out.

Figuring out how to make footprints appear as if by magic, Block and Rabin devised a story about a spaceship landing on a planet of invisible monsters (as they pointed out, the great thing about invisible monsters is that even the cheapest production can afford millions of ‘em).

Their agent sent the pitch around to all the usual suspects at that time in the low budget indie film universe but, learning another studio not know for low budget sci-fi wanted to hop on the band wagon, sent it there as well.

That studio bought the idea, thanked Block and Rabin for their input, but said they’d let their own B-movie unit team handle the special effects,

And that’s how MGM made Forbidden Planet.

. . .

Today Forbidden Planet is a much beloved classic of the genre, but when released it proved a bit of a disappointment.

Oh, it made money (then and now, studios refuse to fund a production unless they already know in advance they will recoup their expenses and make a profit in advance of actual production) but it didn’t do anywhere near the business they hoped.

Part of this was timing -- it came out after dozens of lesser / cheaper films crowded the market -- but part of it is paradox:  It’s just too damn good.

No bones about it, Forbidden Planet was a B-movie for MGM.

In terms of overall quality, however, any MGM B-movie is bound to look like an A-picture from any other studio, and that’s exactly what happened here:  A literate, dynamite script; solid performances; top notch production values; bursting at the seams with ideas and incidents and details.

Sci-fi fans loved it, mainstream audiences not so much.

What sci-fi fans perceived as a groundbreaking classic, mainstream audiences viewed as:  Flying saucer something something something robot blah blah blah invisible monster.

What audiences today remember when they think of Forbidden Planet is the single most iconic element of the film.

Robby the robot.

He’s what sticks.  Robby made a big enough impression to star in his own follow up feature a few years later (The Invisible Boy) as well as guest star appearances on The Twilight Zone, Lost In Space, Columbo, and scores of other movies / TV shows / personal appearances.

Pick an iconic element. Stick with it.

. . .

The trick to doing memorable sci-fi movies is keeping the key visual elements down to as few sharply defined items as possible.

Star Wars (i.e., the unnumbered original release) is even more crowded in detail than Forbidden Planet but it holds its iconic visual elements down to a crucial handful:  Masked villain in black.  Laurel & Hardy robots.  Friendly yeti.  Glow swords.  Big bad artificial planet.

Every other visual element serves those, and while they provide detail and texture, they aren’t distractions.

Seriously, jettison the plot of the original Star Wars and reconfigure it from the ground up with those elements and it still winds up pretty much the same film, just set on different worlds.

This is why later films in the series, despite bigger and bigger revenues, lack the memorable freshness and emotional clarity of the original (getting cluttered up with superfluous characters and vehicles inserted just to sell toys doesn’t help, and I post this as one of the original writers for the G.I. Joe and Transformers series).

To reiterate: If you want to make an impression, less is more.

. . .

We’re going to amble on over to a parallel path and talk about ultra-low budget / no budget / homemade / hand-crafted / DIY film making, particularly in the sci-fi arena.

I watch a fair amount of lo-to-no budget sci-fi on Amazon Prime and YouTube.  Many of these are done for pure love of the genre and the film making process, and from that POV of producers and participants just wanting to have fun, they’re modestly enjoyable.

From the POV of actual good film making and sci-fi…not so much.  (There are exceptions and we’ll get to one of those; patience, young jedi…)

The overwhelming bulk of these films -- features and shorts -- are pretty derivative.

I don’t mean “unoriginal” the way 80-90% of professionally produced media is unoriginal, I mean “derivative” as in trying specifically to re-create something someone else did first…

...and better.

And this is in addition to the plethora of Star Trek / Star Wars / Dr. Who / superhero fan films out there; those are a separate though related phenomenon.

Rather, it’s the unmpeenth Alien ripoff / the 400th E.T. variant / the latest Mad Max clone / the most current example of last decade’s biggest hits.

They’re generally not that good taken on their own, no matter how much fun the makers are having.

For me the nadir of such films are those done by film makers imitating bad movies by deliberately making a bad movie.

Don’t do that, folks. 

Please. 

Don’t squander time and talent doing substandard work.

I’m not saying don’t make the kind of film (or draw the kind of art, or write the kind of story) you want to make; I’m just saying don’t deliberately make a piss-poor job of it.

Block and Rabin may never have made a truly good movie but not because they weren’t trying!

Cheap films?  Yes. Exploitable films?  Yes.

But films meant to be as good as they could make them.

There’s an MST3K notorious bad 1950s sci-fi movie called Teenagers From Outer Space.  Tom Graef, its writer / producer / director / editor / co-star was a former film student wanting to break into the big time so he made this cheesy movie to the utmost of his ability.

And lordie, it ain’t good…

…but by gawd, he was trying.

The folks who make deliberately bad pastiches of substandard B-movies were always a sore point for Bill Warren.

“The original film makers weren’t trying to make a bad movie!” he’d rave.

So please, don’t do deliberately shoddy work and try to explain it away by calling it a “parody”.

The Rocky Horror Picture Show is a parody, and everybody in it is aiming for the centerfield fence, turning in A-level performances.

I know it’s fun making models and cobbling together costumes and props and sets from junk, and recruiting friends and family to have fun making a movie, and if your audience is just going to be those friends and family, fine.

But if you want to be seen and appreciated by a wider audience, have some respect for them…and your own abilities as a film maker.

. . .

All of which brings us in a roundabout fashion to The Vast Of Night, a recent ultra-low budget sci-fi film that asks the non-musical question “What would a Twilight Zone mash-up of X-Files and Close Encounters Of The Third Kind look like?”

“Pretty impressive,” is the answer.

Let’s start with the Achilles’ heel of most lo-to-no budget DIY productions:  The cast.

The Vast Of Night enjoys impeccable casting, a;; the way down to the most minor roles.

I can’t stress enough how important this is for small productions.

Actors give you more bounce for your buck than anything else on your budget.  Good actors can make mediocre material bearable, they can bring good material to full blown life.

In The Vast Of Night’s case, the two leads -- Jake Horowitz as Everett, an all night DJ in a tiny late 1950s New Mexico town, and Sierra McCormick as Fay Crocker, the local substitute late night phone operator -- play off each other with delightful on screen chemistry.

No kidding, I’d watch these two characters go grocery shopping for an hour and a half, that’s how well Horowitz and McCormick play off each other.

Next, the story.  Obviously story and screenplay come before casting, but in the final analysis an okay story is far better served by a good cast than a good story by an okay cast.

Screenwriters James Montague and Craig W. Sanger do a good job with their script for The Vast Of Night.  As noted, it’s far from original but is fleshed out with enough distinctive elements to let the cast find plenty to work with.

For aspiring film makers, the script is typically the least expensive part of the process, and if you don’t like your draft you can always chuck it out and start afresh,

Finally, it’s okay to look inexpensive but don’t look cheap.

You can get away with a stark cinema verité style if that’s what the material calls for but you need to keep a consistent style and tone throughout.

A lot of DIY films do themselves a grave disservice by spending a lot of time / energy / money on a prop / costume / special effect that calls undo attention to itself by being so much better than everything surrounding it.

Director Andrew Patterson keeps things stylish while clamping a lid on its budget; this good pre-production planning pays off with a consistency of style and tone that helps keep the audience engaged, their disbelief suspended.

The Vast Of Night is what I refer to as a “minimum basic movie” i.e., the lowest bar you should shoot for with your own film making.

It’s far from a deathless classic, but it’s a fun ride.

And speaking of fun rides…this ramble is o-v-e-r.

  © Buzz Dixon

[popcultureoverdosed]

Rokka no yuusha- The mysterious fantasy

There exists a powerful demon god that must be slain by six powerful warriors blessed by the seal of brave. The only problem is that there's an impostor among them. Rokka no yuusha bills itself as a fantasy mystery anime, quite the rare combination. Mystery is a genre usually assigned to historical, contemporary, or sci-fi settings. Even when fantasy series has elements of mystery, it usually won't be the main theme.

Our story centers itself in Adlet Mayer, a loud and arrogant redhead who constantly proclaims to be the strongest man in the world. His strength comes from his wits rather than brawn. He and the other braves assemble inside a mountain cave only to find a seventh brave. The conflict quickly breaks out and each one of them becomes a potential traitor.BIt was fun seeing the mystery on the 7th brave unravel but it quite honestly dragged out for too long. RNY only has 12 episodes so the entirety of the show is spent searching for the traitor rather than killing the demon god. The anime feels like a prologue to a story that never was. I don't know how faithfully this anime adapts the novel but having the narrative get sidetracked so early on is a bad way to write a series.

Two characters I particularly disliked were Fremy and Mora, the former more so because she's a karma houdini. Mora is supposed to be the wise one of the group but adamant belief Adlet is the traitor based in her leap in logic. Her reasoning made little sense and there's no reason for her to accuse solely him when there's an assassin and serial killer on the team.

Fremy is my most hated type of character. She does horrific actions and faces no consequences for them. She's responsible for killing multiple innocent braves in her past but Adlet protects her because " she's one of us". That piss poor reasoning really dampened the respect I had for Adlet but he's still the best character here. Fremy feels no remorse for what she did and said plot point quickly gets brushed aside. It's ludicrous how the cast could be so comfortable hanging around a serial killer. The narrative seems to think her tragic backstory if having an abusive mother can excuse her actions but that kind of logic is beyond childish. Tired of watching shows that don't know how heavy murder is.

The others are mostly meh. There's an assassin and little girl who's in the teams but they don't really stand out and their character designs are so bland. Nashetania wins my love with her perfect bunny girl character design and her loyal knight Goldof brings in fan service with his gender-bent black rock shooter attire. The two make a nice pair of eye candy and their interactions were always fun. Nashetania is the upbeat princess who's a bit ignorant of how the world works and Goldof is Mr muscle who loves his princess and his answer to everything is usually violence.

Rokka No Yuusha had the unfortunate fate of being animated by a low budget small name studio, leading to hideous CGI monsters amidst some shoddy animation. I've seen PSP games with better graphics and the terrible CG messed up Nashetania since her sword attacks are always horribly rendered. Would animating actual swords cost too much money and effort as opposed to weird silver spikes?

Another glaring flaw is how utterly underutilized it's Meso-American setting is. Fantasy series are European based 99.99 percent of the time and Japanese or Chinese based if its anime, completely ignoring the other cultures of the world. The Meso-American setting is really only apparent in the first episode and the cast are ridiculously pale-skinned European looking. We could've of finally gotten a Mayan based fantasy but any meso lore to be found here is simply superficial icing on the not so well done cake. This flaw doesn't influence my rating but it certainly shows japan has its head stuck up its homogeneous ass.

      SPOILERS!!! SKIP THE FOLLOWING PARAGRAPH AND SKIP TO THE LAST ONE IF DESIRED

After several episodes of our heroes fighting over whodunit, Adlet reveals in the impostor is none other than Nashetania! Certainly didn't see that one coming and I don't mean that in a " Wow you got me!" type of way. There were no hints or clues to this reveal besides Nashetania briefly acting psycho in one episode. We find out her motive to create harmony between the human and demons by reviving the demon god, even if it sacrificing thousands of people. A villain who's so innocent and pure-hearted they can't see their own vileness is an interesting concept but we barely get know about her before the show ends. The anime has the audacity to end things off by having a cow costumed girl show up at the last minute to join the heroes on their journey to kill the demon god. The cast barely even react to it and accept it as they head off. All that struggle and conflict over who was the seventh brave turned out to be for nothing. 

Overall, I'm gonna have to give this a 6.5/10. There were definitely some good concepts and characters to keep me interested but not enough to genuinely make me excited. I recommend it if you're in the mood for a mystery with a unique setting but don't expect much from this. BTW, I love Robbie Daymond’s performance as Adlet. He really captured his confidence and playful personality.

[jlf23tumble]

1D Day, Hour Three

Almost halfway through this hour, which is almost halfway through this day, is the point where Louis Tomlinson stops having fucks left to give and starts getting real. He’s still a professional throughout hour three (not like Harry in hour two, oof), but god, how??? Everything here is a disaster, and it’s infuriating when you consider that a) this must have been somewhat planned out (the band is HUGE, allegedly 32 million people are watching), and b) it’s being produced in LA, presumably with easy access to professionals who have had some experience with live shows (since, what, the 1930s???). Anyway, I would have loved to hear the choice words Louis no doubt had for Ben Winston when he ran away during one of the Google+ Hangouts, lmao.

When I first watched this two years back, Niall’s nervous laughter nearly drove me insane, but this time around, I’m loving the subtle nuances w/r/t wtf is happening on this here day as Louis’s rage starts to climb and Niall’s Slytherin core starts to emerge. Deets under the cut.

Niall and Louis literally burst through a paper wall to launch hour three and reveal Niall’s lilac hair (also revealed: the fact that Niall’s “a diva,” according to Louis). The color’s hardly even noticeable, but Niall’s all worked up about it, and I’m betting he had to do this because he has no tattoos, so everyone wanted to freak his Virgo ass out with something “permanent.”

The first bit is so tiresome (Louis’s childhood friend, Stan, forcing the Milkshake City staff to perform the world’s sleepiest version of “Rock Me”), but I’m a huge fan of Stan’s for the Larry purple dildo video alone (ICONIC; ping me if you need a link), plus I love the tidbit about the time Harry came in for a milkshake for himself and “a friend back at home.”

After we survive this long-ass bit of fill, Louis and Stan take the piss out of each other and banter a bit with Niall, which is all pretty hilarious and also makes me sad in the key of “oh how I wish that was me.”

Because it wasn’t at all tedious in hour one, it’s time for another Guinness Book of World Records challenge (Louis: “Of course it is”), this time balancing coins on faces. Hey, speaking of faces, did you know that men are at peak hotness between the ages of 32 and 36? This guy is 22 years old, doing the stupidest task ever, help me, Jeebus:

Next up is the randomizer, which randomly pulls celebrity videos, and this is when the in-ears start acting up for Louis, who’s midway through Robbie Williams asking them for the best live performer they’ve ever seen, prompting Louis to give Ben the evil eye off camera and go off script to say Michael Buble, ha.

Some random sports man (update: Doncaster Rovers manager) demands that they do pressups up and burpees, and Louis gives us a surprisingly strong and steady nine pressups before proving why he’s most relatable:

After fits of unnecessary laughter from Niall, and a lot of exasperation about the technical problems so far from Louis (friend, you’ve seen nowt yet), we get the best VT from this entire day, the iconic bts video for “Talk Dirty to Me,” and if you watch nothing from any of this, please tell me you’ve seen it in full for Zayn the goofball! Liam’s hanky code shoutouts! Harry’s hip chub! Louis and his glorious torso! Niall in full Farmer Ted mode!

Next up, we get astronauts congratulating the D from space, and whyyyyyyyyyyyyyy. I mean, honestly, WHY? Are these astronauts fans? Is anyone besides Niall into space? I know there’s an intense interest in making space interesting for teens (how many times have people on the international space station beamed their way into MTV award shows at this point), but whyyyyy.

Scott tells us we’ll soon see Doctor Who (mild interest from Nouis) and Simon Cowell (Louis: “SIMON COWELL, WOO HOO, I LOVE THAT GUY!” Niall: “Simon GROWL”), but first up is Doctor Who, and this is where the wheels fall off the bus, technically speaking. First, there’s a 15-minute delay (!!), so Nouis are standing around while the Doctor handles some other interview for the BBC. Eventually, they connect, and Louis makes the understatement of the year (“This is gonna be tough”) as both the video and audio go full Inception and echo in and around each other to make us all woozy:

Louis again understates the chaos happening on screen by saying, “I think actually that this is not working,” and then begging for any VT, they don’t care, help (the VT is Niall being all humblecholy about their success and Ireland and something something, I’m not actually interested, sorry).

We come back to Louis still losing it, curious as to how they can have a link to space but can’t have a studio in LA link to the BBC, and yeah. YEAH. But enough about that, it’s Google+ Hangout (lololololol) time, and we don’t get too many answers to these vital fan questions because Ben is in Louis’s ear so much that Louis starts arguing with him about it and eventually runs off stage to yell at him in person, and god, it’s glorious. READY 2 FIGHT:

Because this is an utter trainwreck, the team decides to do another live link again, this time to the X Factor while it’s airing in the UK, and it’s…yeah, not good. Just awful, cameras out of synch, no sound, etc. Save us, random VT of Denmark!!

Hearing Louis say “tits up” is my new religion, but honestly, this chitchat with McFly is such a revelation. Apparently, they worked with Niall on something, so they gossip with Louis about what a diva Niall is (!) and how he brought a friend of his named Shawn around (!!), and there’s a lot of inside jokes I know nothing about, but I’m LIVING for Niall looking at all these boys on the screen and saying, “I feel like I’m alone in my bedroom,” and Louis’s response, “Okay, Niall!”

“Don’t Forget Where You Belong” is announced, but we don’t get to hear it (although we DO get to see some sweet Nouis dancing), and two more girls go into the call box of doom. Because this show’s producers can’t go ten minutes without a disaster, there’s increasingly urgent screaming from Louis to Ben to just roll the Zayn graffiti VT, which takes at least a full, tense minute to post. 

Zayn is incredibly hot, but my heart breaks for him saying it’s their 127th show, and he’s feeling inspired and creative to make art, and I just wonder how??? How are you not banging your head against a wall instead of painting it? Anyway, it’s a lot of spraypainting/artist au Zayn come to life, with Liam working out shirtless nearby and heaping praise on just about every single thing Zayn puts on the wall (awwwww). Also some nice Flicker reference points (Niall: “Zayn, will you draw a picture of me?” Zayn: “No. I don’t like you”). Ouch.

We come back to Rebecca, an opera singer who’s here to sing some tweets, and this is a horrible idea that Ben Winston stole from Jimmy Kimmel, right? When he used to have Josh Groban sing tweets a million years ago? Anyway, this ripoff doesn’t work because nobody can really understand the words, but credit to Louis for trying to cheat and speed this whole thing up:

When Rebecca finishes, Louis says he got emotional (Niall just laughs), and this poor girl says not to worry, she’ll do more later, and lmao at Louis: “Oh, OH, there’s more in store, Niall” (Niall: “Can’t wait”), sighhhhh, it’s torture for us all, tbh. Anyway, time for some Belgian VT and reinforcement that Louis’s part Belgian, which is why it’s super relevant, I guess.

The last bit is back to Dynamo, to redo the magic bit that failed with Harry in hour two. I’m still curious about this trick because there’s a piece of paper locked in this box (Harry’s dick holds the key to it), and tl/dr, Harry says April for the month an hour ago, but Louis says November, and sure enough, November plus all the other details are in this locked box. HMMMMM. Me as Harry’s finger delivering the key immediately in this segment, meaning he’s literally right there watching all of it. Pick someone supportive, etc.

Anyway, back to the trick, there’s a bit where Louis says he told Dynamo all this information earlier (Niall starts chewing his nails a bit ferociously at that), but then he backpedals brilliantly later about what an amazing, stunning trick, etc., and this group of sneaky liars, god, I love ‘em!

We get more terrible highlights, which sucks, because I kind of liked the way Louis was asking Niall what HIS highlights were, but never mind, let’s get Ben’s. I’ll leave you with this picture that makes me think of Louis hosting Family Feud, you know, the final round, when you have to see how your answers stacked up with a family member’s and if, together, you cleared 200 (“Name someone a person may confess a crime to”):

[ivalice-tifalucis]

Found a forum about Take That, also found some interesting discussion

Now it’s 4AM in the morning, I slept too much for past couple of days because of some flu and the medicine makes me drowzy and moody all the time and sleeping was very tempting. I should’ve finished my essay so I can get this one subject to more than a ‘B’ so I can still retain my dream of going to Netherlands this year. But here I am searching non-important things (or at least maybe it’s important for my curiosity), and tried to google if there’s any existing Take That forum. My standard is high with mygnrforum which is a super active and long term versatile fan forum of Guns N’ Roses, I even manage to find myself some friends there. The whole website is even made and funded by fans, active discussions from all age, nationalities, and genders, and even there was a time when Axl Rose decided to showed up to everyone’s surprise. But hey, obviously GN’R is bazillion times bigger than TT. I just saw their concert of same shit they’ve been singing for 35 years with terrible mickey mouse voice of Axl’s and people still went lit. Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy that I finally see my favorite rock band. It just hanging around with old fans give me sense of cynical for the band.

Anyway...

I went to thread that is talking about Odyssey. You may check it here: http://www.buzzjack.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=209704&st=440

The thread is actually meant for both Robbie and Take That fans. I found nice thread that talked about Reveal and even gave me snippets that I haven’t even seen before since I was too poor to buy Reveal. But what I want to talk about in Odyssey thread is the view of this person who definitely this kind of annoying GB Army you will find a lot around Thatters group or social medias comments sections. Try to start from the link I gave you. Here this person talks about the BBC Documentary.

Tl;dr the cynical side of Thatters and that for this lovey-dovey band, in the eyes of some of their fans they still are one of the most controversial band.

“Saw it  There were some tears involved here as well, but of boredom, unfortunately. Absolutely NOTHING new whatsoever and nothing of substance and, on many occasions, it felt like the Robbie and his backing singers documentary. The era starting with 2006 was almost brushed off, because, of course, Robbie wasn't there - most of the moments from this era were the ones with Robbie in it-, we had the neverending Jason eulogy, but nothing to actually celebrate the members that really carry Take That. And I realized another thing that pissed me off - in almost all the recent performances, Robbie had the silver jacket, to make sure he distinguished himself from the others - God forbid someone mistook him for just a member and he didn't take the center of the stage. I guess that, on a very superficial level, the documentary will do its job, it will sell the album, but I see it as nothing more than that - just a promo trick, without real substance. I hope one day we get a documentary that brushes off Robbie's coming and going and the boys' constant "guilt" over it and the Jason "I'm happy to enjoy the money I've made off the back of TT, but without TT" and actually concentrates on what Mark, Gary and Howard have been doing. I know I sound bitter and I'm probably blowing things out of proportion a bit, but, seriously, is it too much to ask, as a fan, to have one episode that doesn't involve Robbie? Gary's documentary with James was so much more fun and deep, at the same time. This looked just like a label-ordered film, with no other purpose than filling some pockets. I was really disappointed. And I didn't understand what was the whole thing of including their mums in this documentary if they gave them 2 minutes and didn't get anything of substance out of them? We got more time with the same old fans that appear everywhere and say nothing interesting. It would have been more interesting to just have 2 fans that actually had some stories to tell; the same for the mums - considering how crazy it got in the 90s, they'd have had a ton of stories to tell - they probably talked amongst themselves, but nobody was smart enough to include the stuff of interest in the documentary. Sorry, just because I'm a fan, I'm not gonna praise everything they do, especially when it's so shallow. Rant over “

I mean a documentary released close with release date of their Greatest Hits album obviously not for commercial purpose related, right? People already complain that it’s going to be only TT3 doing Greatest Hits tour and she wants this documentary only about TT3. I agree though that maybe there should be more Take That mums and less fan stories maybe. But I think she doesn’t understand that ‘We’ve Come a Long Way’ is not like ‘For the Record’ or ‘Look Back Don’t Stare’. The purpose of this documentary is celebrating and look back but with brighter light on their career in the past 30 years. Don’t expect bunch of guys look pissed and depressed in this one.

And when I say she’s definitely GB Army, just read it how she reacts around the other person who is more leaning to Robbie. 

“Take That have been a UK (almost) only act since especially after Progress. Boy or Manbands do not sell well in the rest of Europe. It is not down to them only. The music taste is different. Robbie maintained his solo fanbase in Europe different to the UK more than TT. He sells out stadiums still. Progress was the unification all time height. Gary never sold well in Europe. And in the UK in the comments on FB, Newspapers etc (aside of the usual hate comments every public figure gets) you see that his political direction and the tax issue hurt his image. Robbie coming and going makes some people happy, some unhappy as you also realize in the comments even in this thread. But what really took mojo away is Jason leaving. And the miss of huge ballads. However, as long as they sell tours, even if it is for the live moment rather than TT - it is good for them as it pays millions in their wallets. In 10 years there might be a full reunion and then the Progress effect will set in again”

And this GB Army lady thinks Gary has no political direction. Then do tell me why people mocking him as Tory. I don’t understand UK politics. I always roll my eyes when I found random comments like for example at Kit Harington, sometimes he got called Tory too and ffs the dude never say anything about his political views, the reason he got called Tory is probably people mistaken him for being blue blood because he is the nth descendant of an Earl and married to Rose Leslie, whom her uncle is an Earl. But then again, it’s even written on his wikipedia page with article related, Gary did stated he supported David Cameron.

Oh this GB Army lady again...

“To be frank, I understand certain fans liked Jason and miss him, I personally don't. I'm probably one of the few people who don't acknowledge that "intelligence" and "wisdom" the others are talking about - that's probably because I saw really intelligent, academic people in the person of my professors and I know how that truly looks. I guess Jason strived to be intelligent and he probably read a lot, but, imo, he had no real in depth view of anything. I'm not saying, by any means, he was a stupid person, just that he wasn't any more intelligent than the others. I agree with you, though, about his contribution to the band - even if it was only for the moral of the group, he was good for them. But he chose to leave, he wasn't kicked out, so I don't see why the boys have to always go out of their way to acknowledge him - if "fans" attack them for this, then they're idiots. The interviews the boys did in November clearly showed they are annoyed of always being asked about Jason and Robbie - that's why I find this documentary to be more of a "guided" one - they said exactly what people expected them to say, regardless of how they actually feel.“

“As I've said, I agree that both Jason and Robbie's contributions had to be acknowledged, that's indisputable. What I'm saying is that Robbie's presence in the documentary wasn't necessary, given all he's done to the boys. He could have left them have their moment. I truly, truly despised him when he referred to them as "my business brothers". He's clever when it comes to distorting reality without many people noticing it. Maybe the III and Wonderland eras weren't as successful as the previous ones, but, given the context, it's no wonder. They were still successful and it was all down to Gary, Mark and Howard. 30 years of work and did anyone actually acknowledge these eras? Even Odyssey was brushed off. So, I have a problem with the program being called "We've come a long way" while we're only presented the beginning and some of the middle. Oh, and funny how Robbie uploads his new single on yt precisely the day the documentary airs! How convenient! “

There’s also some talking about TT downfall, how they can’t sell as much as they used to. Personally, I wanna know too from this side of the story, long term fan all the way to the 90s. And tbh their problem is also every musicians for all time and all place problem. Even Gary acknowledge this. They’re an old act. And that’s ok. Kinda agree that they made some bad decisions on songs and singles, but to me it’s related to the first problem. I stand with all the 5 lads so I don’t think Robbie came and left and changing the dynamic has something major to do. I agree that they’re lacking huge ballads now, but I still enjoy their newer songs tbh, The Jason one is quite intriguing though.

“I agree about the impact of Jason leaving. He may have been quiet on records but from what I could see he was --Robbie and Gary aside-- the next most popular member since they reformed. (**) I think Jason represented 'the good guy' and humble aspects more naturally than the others and this gained him droves of fans. He is very intelligent, including emotionally intelligent which made him relatable with everyday members of the public. The other four are nice though in my opinion you could tell Jason was truly sincere. Of course he is also the only member not involved in any tax issue and possibly took moral issue on this. I once read he still banks with his local co-op.”

IMO, this part is even interesting

A (dylandog): “I actually feel for Howard. A few months ago he bumped into the 'elusive Jay' on Kensington High Street and they had a brief chat. Apparently that was the first time Jay had see Howard's two children. Howard has also posted some lovely heart felt posts about Jay - who has completely cut the boys out of his life. I genuinely think that Howard is upset by Jay's decision to not only walk away from the band, but also their friendship.”

B (GBA lady): “That's exactly what I'm thinking, dylandog. Howard and Jason seemed to be very good friends during the TT years and Mark, well, he seems to be friends with everyone. I'm not including Gary on this one, although, back in the 90s, they said themselves, it was Gary-Howard-Jay, on one side, and Mark-Robbie, on the other side. I can understand - to a certain extent - Jason's decision to quit the music industry, but I don't get why he had to also quit his friendships. Howard was the one who said, during an interview, that Jason doesn't even reply to their emails anymore.”

A: “Jay was always the one that struggled with the limelight so to some extent it wasn't a surprise that he was the one to jump ship. I also felt that he was, to put it bluntly, rather work shy.  I think they probably understand/accept his decision to leave the music industry, but I agree with you, they must be hurt and confused by his actions to cut them out of his life. I know if a friend I'd spent many years with did that to me I'd feel very hurt. It does make me wonder what an earth went on? Was Jay appalled by their involvement in the tax scheme or was it something else? Whilst I understand Jay has his own life and friendship groups to completely erase them from his life is drastic to say the least. “

B: “I don't think it has anything to do with the their tax scheme. I doubt he even knew what the boys did with their share. Jason's finances are managed by his brother, the boys' by someone else. I don't see them sit down and talk: "oh, did your lawyer/accountant make you sign that paper regarding that investment?". I really trust Gary when he says he had no idea what he was signing - if he had any suspicion back then that it would be something that would backfire, he'd have pulled the money out immediately and payed the tax to the State, just like he did when he found out what it was all about. BUT, in the eventuality that Gary and the others lie and they knew they were doing something morally questionable and Jason was aware of this and this is the reason he left the band, then shame on him! He isn't a saint, he's done his fair share of morally questionable things in life - at the end of the day, using fans for sex is way more wrong than making an investment that doesn't break any laws -, so he wasn't in any position to judge. Just like all the others, he did alcohol, he did drugs, he used people for his own pleasure.....he really had no foot to stand on when it came to this. He is enjoying, after all, a life of doing nothing off the back of others, limelight shy or not. I sincerely hope that is not the reason he quit the band. If it were, his mum being in the documentary would look very weird.“

Then another guy came...

C: “I don't understand the talk about Jay like he is a bad guy here when this is probably the main reason why he quit the band, to stop stangers being judgmental on him. What's wrong with him dating young girls or older girls (Catherine Tate wasn't exactly young when they were dating)? He is single and should be allowed to date whoever he wants. And if he decided to quit because of the tax thing then I don't see any problem. People has different values in life that hold dear to their heart. Anyway, all this was just you guys' speculations (not even truth) and you still manage to use it to talk down on him just because he is not your favorite. Jason has never been a fan of technology since when he was in the band so I see no reasons for him to change after he left the band. Being of grid is so Jason that I don't know why everyone would be surprised. I have a lot of old colleagues that I was close to when I was working with them but never bother to keep in touch. I still like them but they are not my priority at the moment. There are so many levels of friendship and Take That is definitely a unique one.”

A: “I'm sorry you see it that way BadHabit. I in no way meant to be dismissive of Jay or suggest that he is a 'bad guy.' If you read my post I do say I miss Jay and for me they were at their best as a four piece. However, it's not unfair of me to point out that he had few leads, which I think is a shame by the way,because he's my second favourite vocalist in the band, or that he had very little input re song writing. The forum is for comments and opinions and unless we're looking at facts such as sales figures, then of course it's merely conjecture. My point was that I didn't fully understand the intellectual label given to Jason. Of course he can 'date' whom is wishes, regardless of their age, I don't think I suggested otherwise, but simply made an observations that he appears to have been photographed with much younger women on a number of occasions and therefore falls into that stereotype of older man/ younger woman. By the way for balance Howard is married to a much younger woman as well.“

B: “In regards to Jason dating younger women - although I couldn't care less about his private life (as long as his private life doesn't affect TT's image/reputation/connections)-, I do believe it's morally wrong for a 40+ old man to be dating 20 year olds. No, a person doesn't have the right to date whomever they please. In some countries, it's legal for 80+ year olds to marry young girls, some are still kids - based on the mighty principle that "one can do whatever/whomever they please". Just because it's not illegal, it doesn't mean it's not wrong. Plus, it's just disturbing to see an almost 50 year old - or is he 50 already? - jumping from woman to woman - he's either interested in settling down, in which case he should be dating just one person -or he's not interested in a family life, in which case he shouldn't be dating at all. I could understand it to some extent when all the boys were teens or in their early 20s, but now it's just ridiculous. I know you all live in a "liberal" thinking country, but I have the feeling nowadays abnormalities are being perceived as normal, which is soooo wrong. It's not right that any person on this forum be made to "retract" an opinion based on a system of values, just because others' fan bias. Like dylandog said, nobody believes Jason is "a bad guy", but that doesn't mean he's a saint either- he's just showing signs of immature and questionable decisions. Every single member of this band has been criticized for various choices they've made in their lives, why would be Jason exempt from the same treatment? He actually had it pretty easy going while he was in the band. For all his questionable public appearances, he never got the 10th amount of the slagging Gary did for simply existing.“

*sigh* now I’m getting some pattern that the older you are as a fan of an act, the cynical you are.

If anyone manage to read this until this part, please let me know your thoughts. Especially about Jason because tbh even I still confuse about his mindset.

[glorioussimon]

underappreciated things about rise 1x09: totally hosed

i love this episode

lou doing yoga

mr kranepool told him about it

gordy’s not a fan

the mazzus are so sad when maashous tells them that he’s leaving

sadie :(

simon looks at his family completely differently now 

tracey wanting to keep working with lou even though he’s lou

this is the point when mama who bore me started to get a little excessive

jeremy has a polar bear wearing sunglasses on his shirt and i can’t tell if it’s blessed or cursed

lilette just being interrupted in the middle of her song

i love this episode because of the troupe awkwardly just being there during like three of lou and tracey’s arguments

also sasha has her arm around michael’s shoulders

evan’s list for spring awakening is just. it’s certainly something

when robbie’s visiting his mom for the first time this episode he looks less happy and more scared

robbie wanting his mom to be there on opening night

robbie’s face when his mom says that she’ll come when she’s feeling better

gwen’s smile when gordy is introduced to the troupe

gordy looks so awkward i love it

everyone cheering at the first full runthrough

but if this is the first full run through what were they doing in episode 7?

lexi blaming herself for the petition

why does jeremy wear a suit here but a hoodie in the final performance. why couldn’t he keep the suit he looks so good

jolene coming up with totally fricked

“there will be other-” “censorship?” “...tweaks.” simon saunders i would die for you

jeremy and francis look so pissed when ms wolfe stops lilette

also i think they’re sharing a chair which is cute

i really like the set for dark i know well with the railroad tracks on the ground

also their version of it is. really dramatic and idk how i feel about that

“i thought you said the text was sacred. that we have to utter every syllable the playwright writes.” i love you lilette

the totally fricked montage is still the best thing to come out of this show

also i just realized that francis plays both herr knochenbruch (i know that i didn’t spell that right) and georg so wtf does he do during this song. does he go change his clothes really quickly when robbie starts singing or do we all just pretend not to notice that one of the adult men is singing georg’s solo

robbie rolling his eyes during totally confused. i’ve never noticed it before and it’s the funniest thing in the world to me

francis trying not to laugh during totally blue

maashous looking so exhausted the whole time

and then him facepalming in the background after totally messed up

lou watching while gwen and gordy talk

“why are you volunteering here?” “i just love theater”

lilette saying that robbie’s dad hates her. the worst part is she’s probably right

i think that vanessa and lilette have both said “i’m a big girl i can handle myself” at different points in the show, which is interesting

SIMON SINGING WOYBR WHILE HE DOES HIS HOMEWORK I’M GOING TO FUCKING CRY

if i ever have to see emma sad again i’m going to break my tv screen

simon telling emma that she can come live with him if their parents ever get divorced

mama strickland being so salty about having to change lilette’s dress

i love that she asked how lilette’s doing with everything that’s going on with coach and vanessa. she’s the only adult to really realize how much this has a toll on lilette and gwen and i like that about her

“you have a light. you shine.”

why is the jukebox on the stage during dark i know well what purpose does it serve

have we just decided to ignore francis and clark’s adult men wigs

i like how they have the rest of the cast walking around in the background during dark i know well like they’re not seeing/ignoring martha and ilse’s abuse

“i want to want you i don’t want to need you” fuck yes lilette

the troupe coming out of the wings to watch tracey and lou argue about the beating scene is a mood

“tiny, tiny, TINY CHANGES”

gwen and gordy glancing at each other and smirking

“you can beat her. just...like it less”

kaitlin is so excited for next year when she can be in the play and now i’m just sad

she’s so worried about maashous

“i hate her. i don’t know her, but i hate her”

lou telling gail about gordy and gwen

he doesn’t want gordy to get his heart broken

gail was out of lou’s league

simon’s dad is so cold. it reminds me of how simon acts with jeremy or  whenever he closes himself off

simon’s face when his dad says “compromises”

and especially when his dad says that someday simon will have to make the same compromises

bitch of living playing in the background

the transition from simon praying to singing. you can really tell that the stage is where simon feels the most free and that’s one of the reasons why he’s so pissed about the changes - because something’s threatening that.

the fact that ‘bitch’ wasn’t on evan’s swear list so they just go for it

the girls are getting so into it i love them so much

francis didn’t have to go that hard during his solo but he did and i’d like to thank him for it

rise remains the only production that i know of where we have physically seen grossenbustenhalter (i know that i didn’t spell that right) during bitch of living. i don’t know how to feel about this

when i had pneumonia i spent an entire day on the couch rewatching rise on hulu and when i got to this scene my dad was in the kitchen nearby so i just. turned the volume way down to avoid questions

it’S THE BITCH OF LIVING AND SENSING THIS IS BAD

michael and jeremy look so tired of this

why did we even have to cut francis’s solo it doesn’t technically break any of evan’s rules

lou really doesn’t want to say breasts

“you and your....piano teacher”

i remember being so surprised that simon said “ass” because he just doesn’t seem like the type

michael just standing on the chair in the background with his arms crossed

this is my favorite scene in the series and You Will Know About It

this is so important to simon and it’s just falling apart. just like his family, just like his whole life right now.

there’s nothing that simon values more than the truth, his truth, and he doesn’t want to keep hiding it from everyone, most of all himself. that’s why he doesn’t want to make compromises in spring awakening or in his own life.

jeremy’s expression when simon says that his family is falling apart

simon’s literal mic drop

you can see him wiping away tears when he walks off stage

sasha looks so shocked and it’s the funniest fucking thing

lilette going after him. idk if this was a deleted scene or not but i would kill to see that conversation

if i ever see francis look that sad again i’m going to personally fight jason katims with my own two fists

“set up for scene five” *no one moves* “SCENE FIVE” *michael quickly steps off of the chair*

gordy and lou stress eating together at the diner

gordy calling simon “that simon kid”

lou calling himself cool and gordy just laughing at him

tbh lou and gail are a Good pair of heterosexuals

robbie’s hands shaking when he’s talking with the nurse

kaitlin’s cute space buns and galaxy leggings

i’m going to tattoo maashous was here over my heart. you know the heart that he broke

robbie nearly being in tears when he asks his mom to come to opening night

amazing grace.

the contrast between lilette and her mom and robbie and his mom. lilette’s mom is gone because of her own decision, robbie’s mom is leaving against her will

enough games where the fuck is damon j gillespie’s emmy

rilette just holding onto each other

why am i so emotional about these straight fifteen year olds

“i’ve never felt so close to someone” end my life!!!

jeremy asking simon if he’s okay

i unironically love jeremy’s skater boy outfit

simon’s voice cracking when he talks about the bomb inside of him

both of the boys have tears in their eyes and i’m :(

you know that meme of the dude carrying the giant oscar on his shoulder? that’s me giving ted sutherland and sean grandillo their emmys

where the fuck is the rest of their conversation why does nbc hate us so much

gordy not giving up on gwen

on the aforementioned pneumonia day my dad was in the room with me when gordy said that gwen was pretty stalkable and i remember that his exact words were “what the fuck?”

kaitlin pulling up the adoption website and putting the computer in front of her mom is such a power move i love her

lou’s eye roll during censored dark i know well

what did the censored song even sound like i can’t think of a way to make it not about sexual abuse

yeah yOU’RE HOSED ALRIGHT

evan loves totally hosed

the troupe listening in on the final argument of the night

i would like to call specific attention to michael starting to leave before lou even says anything, simon and lilette sharing the chair, and francis doing it to em

you can see that maashous is still there as the argument continues. i bet he knows all the tea

this is the last episode that we watched before knowing about the cancellation wow i’m sad

next post: i die

[dreamings-free]

NEW DIRECTION

How Louis Tomlinson survived the break-up of the world’s biggest boy band and became his own man

The Observer Magazine 25 Jun 2017

Photographs ALEX BRAMALL Fashion editor HELEN SEAMONS

Coming out of a dissolving boy band must be a bit like being an entrant in one of those dystopian jungle fights –a Hunger Games- style event in which bandmates are scattered across an unknown terrain and challenged to slog their lonely route back to fame. Justin Timberlake, after NSync, enjoyed the unsporting edge of natural talent and crushed his former colleagues. Robbie Williams looked supreme in the Take That scrimmage, at least until Gary Barlow circled back, gathered up the other three, and made the fight a more compelling four- on- one. By the time One Direction announced they were to go on indefinite hiatus in 2015, many of us were familiar enough with the conventions of boy-band bloodsport to start picking favourites for the coming melee.

Harry Styles – charming, a grinner – was best placed to succeed on his own. Big-lunged Zayn Malik was already out of the band by that time and had used his head start to good effect, preparing a solo album that went to No 1. Liam Payne and Niall Horan – always second-tier members – were given middling chances. And ranked last in any serious analysis, the most fitfully appreciated member of One Direction, was Louis Tomlinson. Here was a combatant you might expect to find curled up in a fox hole on the battlefield, pale and chain-smoking.

It is in roughly this position I find the 25-yearold, one afternoon earlier this summer. Slender, tracksuited, a little wan under his manicured facial hair, Tomlinson sits on a garden bench outside the photographer’s studio and rewards himself with an entire pack of cigarettes. “I know, I know,” he says of the smoking. “It’s not great. But there’s so much hurry-up-and-wait in this job. It helps me get ready to go again.”

I’ve often wondered why the fringe members of boy bands do this to themselves. Why they gather themselves to “go again”. As Tomlinson acknowledges, in One Direction he was seen by some as “forgettable, to a certain degree”. “The others have always been… Like Niall, for example. He’s the most lovely guy in the world. Happy-go-lucky Irish, no sense of arrogance. And he’s fearless. There are times I’ve thought: ‘I’d have a bit of that.’ Zayn, back in the day. He could relate to me on a nerves level. In the first year we were both the least confident. But Zayn has a fantastic voice and for him it was always about owning that. Liam always had a good stage presence, same as Harry, they’ve both got that ownership. Harry comes across very cool. Liam’s all about getting the crowd going, doing a bit of dancing…” And then there’s you. “And then there’s me.” Tracks from Tomlinson’s solo record have been playing inside the studio. They’re modest, rather lovely pop songs that in their quiet way seem to acknowledge his underdog status. Tomlinson lights another cig. “You know I didn’t sing a single solo on the X Factor,” he says, recalling the time back in 2010, when One Direction were first put together as a band on the ITV reality show. “A lot of people can take the piss out of that. But when you actually think about how that feels, standing on stage every single week, thinking: ‘What have I really done to contribute here? Sing a lower harmony that you can’t really hear in the mix?” He guesses, smiling wryly, that in those months he was best known as “The kid wearing espadrilles, stood in’t back.”

Not the best singer, not the high-energy guy, not the dude, Tomlinson discovered he was the one in the band who was most tuned into backstage logistics – the one who paid attention when “the 20th approval form” was passed around for a signature. “And if there was any bad news that needed giving to the label I’d always be designated to have the argument.” Later this would lead to Tomlinson founding a small record label of his own, Triple String, and to starting a side project managing a girl band. In his day job with One Direction, meanwhile, he toured the world, released five albums and amassed a large, equal-parts fortune like the rest of the boys. Somewhere en route, Tomlinson says, he found his feet as a performer. “In the last year of One Direction I was probably the most confident I ever was. And then it was: ‘OK, hiatus!’”

Tomlinson argued against it, he says, when the band first sat down to discuss separation. “It wasn’t necessarily a nice conversation. I could see where it was going.” Tomlinson remembers his instinctive assumption being simple. He would step away – try writing for other people, keep his label going, wait the “two years, five years, whatever it be” until One Direction reformed. “If you’d asked me a year or 18 months ago: ‘Are you going to do anything as a solo artist?’ I’d have said absolutely not.”

What changed? If the management stuff made you happy, I say, why not sit back and focus on that? “But then I’d be conceding,” he says. Conceding to who? To what? He waves his hand in the air. He could mean anything:

Niall is the most lovely guy, Zayn has the voice, Harry is very cool, Liam gets the crowd going… And then there’s me

I honestly think they’ll write books about One Direction fans. They are so fanatical. The intensity. It’s remarkable

history, bandmates, doubters, the press. Tomlinson is quiet for a while and eventually says: “I’m trying to work out why it is that I’m [doing this], now that you’ve asked that question.” He fidgets and trials a few answers that run out of steam. “It’s frustrating, because I know what I want to say and I can’t articulate it.” He pats for his lighter. The odds are against this tilt, Tomlinson seems to understand. But as we start to talk through his reasons for at least trying, I find myself hoping that this Last Directioner makes an unlikely go of it after all.

pop industry has an ineREASON ONE . TH E luctable momentum, and the star who begins something ( like a skier inching off a hilltop) can quickly find themselves bound to ride out whatever thrills and trials comes next. Tomlinson gives the example of how he first became famous. Born in Doncaster in 1991 he was raised by his mother, Johannah Deakin, and later also by her new partner Mark Tomlinson. He was 16 when he went to his first X

Factor audition. Prompt rebuff. A year later he made it into the audition process, but still nowhere near the part where ambitious young singers are briskly embraced or condemned by that great gatekeeper of celebrity, Simon Cowell. In 2010 Tomlinson, twice unlucky, gave the auditions a final try.

“I told myself I’ve just got to get to Simon, get his opinion, that’s all my ambition was. Then all of a sudden everything changed. To my friends in Doncaster I would always say [getting into the band] was the most incredible thing that happened to me. And it was. But it happened when I was already having the best year of my life. I was 17, 18, just started driving, didn’t need fake ID any more, going to house parties. That’s the time. That’s the age. And to a certain degree… ‘Having it taken away’ is the wrong phrase. But there was a price to pay.”

He says his current efforts as a soloist came about in similar fashion. In 2016, Tomlinson had become a father. (His son, Freddie, “who I love so much”, was born after a brief relationship with a Californian stylist called Briana Jungwirth.) He had some other personal matters to work through and in the summer he went on holiday to Las Vegas to blow off steam. At a club the American DJ Steve Aoiki was playing. Tomlinson, giddy with delight from Aoiki’s set, suggested to the DJ they try writing something together. In career terms, he had inched off the hill again, without necessarily considering the gradient of the slope.

A few months later, Tomlinson says, a single he’d written with Aoiki was being rolled out for release through One Direction’s old record label, Syco. Tomlinson was booked in to perform it on live TV. “And I was, like: ‘Did I really think this through?’”

Which leads Tomlinson to reason two. He’s well aware he was fast-tracked into his music career. That, as a part of One Direction, he was only a piece of a “heavy machine”. And as a self-aware northerner, from a proudly working class family, this has left Tomlinson with residual guilt to answer about wealth and status that do not feel to him fully earned. “And I know, I know it sounds ungrateful. But I think about a man, on a nine-to-five, working his arse off for six months so he can go to his family and say: ‘Guys, I’m taking you to Disneyland.’ That moment… I’ll never have that in my family life. And I’ve worked hard. But I’ve never worked hard, not like that.”

Tomlinson says he has already sweated more for this record than any before. When you’re putting together material as a soloist, he says, you quickly learn that those hot-shot collaborators who once dribbled to work with One Direction no longer pick up the phone

so readily. “I couldn’t say to you now that I could definitely get a superstar writer in a session with me. And I understand that.” Tomlinson adds, with no real vinegar: “Harry won’t struggle with any of that.”

In their One Direction days, no question, Styles got the most attention. But all the boys had their devotees and Tomlinson wants to prove to his own fans – reason three – that he’s been worth the backing all these years. “I honestly think they’ll write books about One Direction fans,” Tomlinson says. “Because they are so fanatical. The intensity. It’s remarkable.”

Tomlinson cannot talk about it with me, not without getting into muddy legal waters, but there was recently a difficult episode involving a small crowd of fans at an airport in LA. He was travelling with his partner, Eleanor Calder, who is viewed with some distrust by the fiercest corps of Louis fans. Video footage seems to show Calder being surrounded and attacked by a group of girls. Tomlinson, unable to discuss the matter, says to me more generally that he hopes his new music will reveal to fans a more complete version of himself than before. “Honestly, it’s crazy. It’s hard for a lot of people who are fanatical to believe that you are a real entity and a person.”

Which brings us to reason four. Reason four Tomlinson discusses with caution. Reason four he enshrouds with disclaimers: that it is not his intention to tell “a sob story”, that “I don’t like people feeling sorry for me”. Reason four concerns his mum.

Johannah Deakin was diagnosed with leukaemia in early 2016. Tomlinson had been worried his luck would run out; that having been “dealt that amazing hand” to squeak into the last berth in One Direction, he was due some sort of equalising blow. And he gives a bleak little laugh when he recalls where he was when the terrible phone call came. “At Jamie Vardy’s wedding of all places. Talk about your places, for something super-traumatic. My mum told me, uh, yeah, that she was definitely terminal.”

They were unusually close. He recalls how she was often one step ahead “because she had the password to my email”. It was an intimacy he attributes to them being close in age. “I remember the day I lost my virginity. I hadn’t even told any of my mates and I was, like: ‘Mum? I know this is really weird. But I’ve got to tell you…’ I remember thinking this is a bizarre conversation to be having with your mother. But it’s testament to how comfortable she made me.”

When Deakin died, in December 2016, Tomlinson was only days away from the live gig he’d agreed to do on the X Factor. “I remember saying to her: ‘Mum, how the fuck do you expect me to do this now?’ And she didn’t swear much, my mum. She’d always tell me off for swearing. And this time she was like: ‘You’ve got to fucking do it, it’s as simple as that.’ It was football manager, team talk stuff.’” The footage of Tomlinson’s performance that weekend is hard to watch. When he first appears on the X Factor stage he looks rigid, almost plastic, with grief. He’s clearly able to lose himself in the three-minute drama of a pop song. And after that the colour drains right back out of his face.

Tomlinson smokes for a bit. He says: “I’m not gonna claim this is all for me mum. But it was definitely… It was…”

He thinks. Throughout his life, he says, his mum always had greater belief in him than he did. “Sometimes my reservation, or my confidence, might have prevented me from doing something. And I’ve needed a mum in the past to kick me up the arse and go: ‘You’re doing it.’”

The boy bander has his reasons, then. “I’ve enjoyed this,” he says. “An opportunity to talk super openly. Not, y’know, answer questions about who my favourite superhero is. I don’t feel I get that many chances.”

The pile of cigarette butts in front of him has mounted to quite a height. Tomlinson, seeming to notice it for the first time, mutters: “Sorry. I’ve been chaining.” His mum hated smoking, he says. Then he smiles. “Though I remember she had the occasional cigarette herself.”

He taps his lighter on the table and asks what I make of everything he’s said. “Do you think your readers are still gonna wonder: ‘Why doesn’t he just not do it?’”

I’m not sure, I tell him, trying to be honest. But let’s see.

Louis’s new single ‘Back To You’ featuring Bebe Rexha and Digital Farm Animals is coming soon

[weekendwarriorblog]

BIRDS OF PREY REVIEW: ED’s Very Important Thoughts on That Superhero Movie with a RIDICULOUSLY LONG TITLE!

On paper, Warner Bros’ decision to make a Birds of Prey movie with Margot Robbie reprising Harley Quinn, a character she pulled off so beautifully in David Ayers’ otherwise problematic Suicide Squad movie, seems like a good enough idea. Robbie is more popular than ever thanks to her two 2019 movies, and the character has become a fan-favorite among younger women (and presumably some men) both from the comics and her new DC Universe cartoon.

But where do I even begin talking about a movie that so desperately wants to be Deadpool in every possible way but also wants to be taken as seriously as any of the Batman movies?

Granted, I’ve never been the biggest Harley Quinn fan. I loved her as introduced by Paul Dini and Bruce Timm in “Mad Love,” and I give a lot of credit to Jimmy Palmiotti and Amanda Connor for what they’ve done to make the character so hugely popular in comics form, but like Deadpool, I can take or leave her.

For those entirely unfamiliar with the character, Harley is introduced via a crazy animated origin story, but as the movie begins, Quinn’s in a funk having broken up with the Joker. This also  removes any protection she might have had from the criminal element she’s angered as “Joker’s girlfriend.” It’s a fairly frenetic way to open the movie, which might be expected if you’re even remotely familiar with Harley in the comics.  

The actual story begins with Harley pissing off club owner/gangster Roman Sionis aka Black Mask (played by Ewan McGregor) when she maims his driver for a rude remark made towards her. Eventually, the plot becomes more of a chase to retrieve a valuable diamond that’s been stolen and swallowed by Ella Jay Basco’s teen pick-pocket Casandra Cain. I cannot even begin to tell you how one leads to the other since my head was spinning trying to keep up with Harley. Part of this movie’s existence can be attributed to wanting to introduce more DC characters to moviegoers, and the new characters introduced are mostly decent inclusions. Even so, like Joker, there are only loose connections to any previous movie or the overall DC Universe mythology. The Joker is mentioned, as is “Bruce” (as in Wayne), after whom Harley names her pet hyena, but otherwise, there’s very little for those hoping for any cohesion between Birds of Prey and even Suicide Squad.

The Huntress, a long-time Batman family anti-hero who has a vendetta against the mob after the murder of her own crime family, is played by Mary Elizabeth Winstead (one of my favorite actors), but she spends much of the movie acting grumpy, something which eventually becomes a source for some humor. There’s also former child star Jurnee Smolett-Bell (from Eve’s Bayou andRoll Bounce!) playing Dinah Lance aka Black Canary, a blues singer at Black Mask’s club who becomes his driver but one disgusted by his psychotic behavior. It’s a different take on the character for sure but not one that immediately connected with me. In fact, the movie’s greatest casting achievement is getting the amazing Rosie Perez to play detective Renée Montoya, although there just isn’t enough of her in the movie.

Who even knows what Ewan McGregor is doing with his erratic and over-the-top scenery-chewing performance as Roman Sionis? Surely, blame can be put on the late Heath Ledger for his Oscar-winning performance in The Dark Knight that has made every actor think they can achieve something similar by acting deranged.

Otherwise, director Cathy Yan does as we as anyone can possibly expect working with such eccentric material, but the result is semi-safe movie that lacks any sort of distinct identity or personality, other than maybe the action scenes or the score by Daniel Pemberton when it’s not being interrupted by needle drops.

The lack of stylistic identity is most apparent in the movie’s depiction of Gotham, which rarely looks like anything other than downtown L.A. (Gotta love those wonderful new California tax credits!) We’ve seen so many different Gothams over the years, from the stylish Tim Burton take to Nolan’s real-world grounding by filming in cities like Chicago and Pittsburgh. Even Todd Phillips’ Joker made an effort to give Gotham its own distinct identity. As much as everyone keeps reminding us that Birds of Prey takes place in Gotham, only two locations actually feel like it: The Ace Chemicals plant that Harley blows up and that amusement park location at end. Everything else just bodes of lazy filmmaking with no clear vision.

As much as Harley stays in line with how she’s depicted in recent comics withRobbie narrating much of it with Harley’s trademark squeaky voice and accent, while changing outfits for every other scene, calling the movie “Birds of Prey” is quite the misnomer.  Despite the inclusion of Huntress and Black Canary, Birds of Prey has very little connection to that actual comic book entity, which was a group of crimefighters united by Barbara Gordon’s wheelchair-bound Oracle to do her legwork. For whatever reason, Gordon is nowhere to be found, instead replaced by Harley. (This is one of those cases where having a cameo by Gordon in an end credits scene might have actually saved the movie for me.)

Even if you like some of these other characters, they disappear for such large chunks of time after being introduced to instead focus on the relationship between Harley and Cassandra, probably the least interesting aspect of the movie… oh, and Black Mask. The way the other characters pop in and out makes Birds of Prey seem like it’s trying to be five different movies merged into one with each actor acting as if they’re in their very own completely distinct movie.

It’s not until the last 20 or 25 minutes of the movie before all these disparate pieces start fitting together. as Harley and the other women take on Black Mask (now actually wearing a mask) and his army of masked henchmen at an amusement park. This is where the John Wick stunt team earn their paycheck with impressive action pieces that almost make-up for how lame the movie had been up until that point. It makes it far too obvious how well Robbie’s Harley works as part of a team, but how aggravating she can be when given too much of the spotlight.

Maybe it can be expected since Robbie is the film’s first-credited producer, followed by former WB President of Distribution/Marketing Sue Kroll, who clearly knew how this relatively bland movie could be marketed to seem more fun and exciting than it actually is. Incidentally, this statement has nothing to do with the filmmakers being women – and it’s sad that we live in a society where I have to clarify this point. It just feels like the movie might have avoided some of the obvious pitfalls I’ve mentioned with more experienced filmmakers. (Or maybe not, going by how the first Suicide Squad movieturned out?)

It always feels like everyone involved with making Birds of Prey was trying their hardest, but using Deadpool (or any Batman movie, for that matter) as your benchmark is just setting you up for failure. Deadpool was as deliberately different from any previous Batman movie as it is from any other superhero movie. Birds of Prey’s weird mix of tone and styles in trying to blend the two puts it more in the vein of the Joel Schumacher Batman movies or even the ‘60s Batman series, without the campy nostalgia inherent in either. The fact that the movie rarely elicits a single laugh is how it diverges even further from the Deadpool movies, and it doesn’t help when you cast a truly funny comedian like Ali Wong in a dour and unfunny role that does nothing to serve any aspect of the story. I mean, what was even the point?

It’s genuinely puzzling how a movie that starts out from such a promising place can become so dull and unentertaining as it goes along. It’s a shame, since there’s so much great source material in the comics that seem to have been ignored in order to create something new and distinct, but ultimately forgettable. Birds of Prey is so schizophrenic in terms of look and style and tone, it won’t be changing Martin Scorsese’s mind about comic book movies any time soon.  

Rating: 5.5/10