#i š¤ the little joys this life brings me and i hope you can find some in your own too <3< /div>
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life has been so intense the last few days and now that the dust is beginning to settle, i am filled with so much relief & love & joy. iām very proud of getting through to the end of this stressful chapter in my life thatās followed me for so many years. feeling at peace ā„ļø ā§āĖ ā
#cw vent#<- but a positive one !#it didnāt hit me until it was over like wowowowozaaa ! i did that !!!#still have to process things š . . but iām very lucky to have the support system i have#the path to healing is never linear but progress is progress and always deserves to be celebrated ^_^#i š¤ the little joys this life brings me and i hope you can find some in your own too <3#in the meantime i will share mine with you and hold your hand until youāre ready ^_^#āĖā¹ į° xoxo aims#is this a yap ? iāll count it & do a proper one another time :3 miss doin those as well !#ć¾( Ėį“Ė )ā ā ā© daily yap.
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sunday musingsā¦
hi friends! it is currently rainy and disgusting here in the Land. i might be dying (or, at least, i am experiencing the onset of a cold and have earned the right be a baby about it) and i am quite simply coming off the worst month of my life. things just feel soā¦ bleak? so grey? i feel like i fell through a portal into the wrong universe on october 16th and am going to spend the rest of my life trying to find my way back.
i still just donāt know what to do. like.
i go about my day. i try to find solace in the little things. i smile when iām talking to my friends or playing with my bunnies and likeā¦ life goes on, you know? even when it feels like it shouldnāt. iām writing, iām living, iām taking it day by day. in most moments, iām okay. but then i think about the future and the years to come and itās justā¦ god. something in me died with liam, and then something died in me last tuesday with the US election. itās also grim. i feel like iān a storm cloud casting shadows over everything that i love.
i know iāll be okay, someday. i just donāt know when that will be.
in the meantimeā¦ iām going to keep leaning into the things that make me happiest: writing, music, fandom. this community means more to me than i will ever put into words and iām just so, so, so grateful that i will always have this.
last thursday, i resumed posting bring me home. section 3 was released today. for a very long time, i didnāt know if i would be able to. i didnāt know if i would ever write again. i didnāt know how to go back to a story that began in 2018 and celebrates a life weāll never get: the boys growing up together, as best friends and a family and being so, so, so happy. ot5 is the heart of bring me home. itās the heart of every story i write. that thought kills me. it also makes me so, so grateful that- as a fandom- we have created so many universes where the boys are together and everything is okay.
fiction is so healing.
before making the decision to return to BMH, i texted my lovely beta reader and told her that, in the wake of the election, i felt powerless. itās such a helpless, dark feeling. even now, there is nothing i can do to fix what happened, BUT. but. i can release my stories. i can post bring me home. i can hopefully give my readers a reprieve, letting them live in a world where things are lighter. i can write my queer stories filled with queer characters who are soft, lovely, thoughtful, bright, brilliant, happy, and queer. i can write about queer couples loving each other. i can celebrate queer joy.
thatās what iām going to do. itās all i got. itās nothing and itās everything.
i hope youāre all doing okay. i am sending you all of my love. if you ever need anything, feel free to reach out. i am incredibly volatile right now- some days i need to be glued to my phone, others i canāt be online. some days i need to talk and some days i need space- but i will respond when i can, i promise. weāre a fandom, a community, and we can get through this together. grief is ugly and complex. itās grey. itās love.
see you on thursday for section 4 of bring me home š¤
forever celebrating queer joy,
lexie <3
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To my precious angel jiminie, I often find it so difficult to express my love to the people I love beacuse I feel that words will never do justice to the feeling of immense joy my heart feels for them, and you are on of those people my jiminie. I am trying my best not to tear up whilst writing this, but I promise if I do, these are happy tears.
I call them happy tears, because you are my happiness jiminie, you make me smile and you have taught me to love myself. Words would never suffice to thank you for being the most kindest angel on this planet and for giving so much love to so manyš¤. You are an exceptional artist, an incredible vocalist and a dancer and the passion you have for your work and your ethics inspired me every single day.
From your beautiful crescent eye smiles, to your adorable giggles, your amazing vocals, the love you have for animals, the care you have for your loved ones, the humbleness you inculcate in your personality, the lives you do and you build legos, to the pinky promise you gave to me and to many that there is a person in South Korea who understands me and cares for me, I am always so grateful for your existence that has helped me so much.
You are one of the brightest stars in my universe jiminie, thank you for holding my hand and showing me that love and strength can help overcome all struggles. You helped me believe that after a storm there is no one and nothing in this universe that can take away the rainbow that forms in the sky that brings you so much happinessš¤.
Thank you for teaching me to find happiness in the little things in life and for never letting go of my hand you once held. Thank you for making growing up a easier into the person I always dream to be, and I am still working on it, to be a better person and to be kind to myself. I would not have done it without you. I hope that you are the happiest and healthy alwaysš¤ you deserve all the love and so much more!! Happy birthday my love! I love you more than love itselfš¤
I love you to the moon and backš¤ and I miss you so much that my heart hurts sometimes but I promise I am pateintly waiting for youš¤š„¹
~ Nelš¤
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well hello friends!!!
long time, no see. i hope you all survived the 2023 year fairly well. if not, i hope that 2024 brings in all the good energy you could ever want!
my time here has not been consecutive whatsoever for over the past year, and i do apologize for that. i have had a lot of life changes throughout that time and i have been trying to prioritize my studies more than anything. with that, i have one more semester left of university!! while my main focus will be school, i do want to try and return to my roots and get back into writing which is what i love. iām currently working on a piece and brainstorming elements of this, and i hope to complete it by this weekā¦. but we shall see!
i know so many of you have been along for my tumblr ride and this journey really began with @youreatotalposer . you all got to see the before and middle of our relationship on here which has been so special. weāve come a long way and this space is where we first met and iām excited to announce that only a few months ago did we break the distance! kayak moved up here so we were able to start a new little family; myself, her, and our kitty āfig!ā we love our little family so much and weāve had so much fun thus far sharing our life with you all! itāll only go up from hereš¤
with this, i also know the dynamic of tumblr has changed since iāve been extremely active, as well as new people have created their own creative space. i would love to make more friends on here and become mutuals, so whether youāre new to my space or itās been a while since weāve connected feel free to reach out!! also, if anyone has any blog recommendations that i may not follow definitely tag them so i can interact with them! i would love to reconnect with this wonderful space and find joy in my old passions once again. i will of course continue with the previous characters and people i have written for, but i would like to know what people would think about fics written for āyellowjacketsā and āharry potterā characters?? if anyone has any thoughts about these new additions let me know! i wanna see if thereās a decent amount of interest in these ideas before i decide to dive right in. if there are characters outside or inside of these fandoms you are interested in, do not hesitate to visit my inbox and reach out to see my thoughts on them!
iām excited to timidly make my return here and i hope to talk to many new and old faces soonš«¶š«¶
p.s. figgy wanted to make her tumblr debut and say hello!!šāā¬
#welcome back maybe?#mayās thoughts#marvel#harry potter#yellowjackets#yelena belova#yelena belova fic#yelena belova smut#yelena belova x fem!reader#yelena belova x kate bishop#kate bishop#kate bishop fanfiction#kate bishop smut#ginny weasley#harry potter fic#luna lovegood#hermione granger#shauna shipman#shaunajackie#natalie scatorccio#lottie matthews#florence pugh#florence pugh x y/n#florence pugh fluff#florence pugh smut#little women#amy march x female reader#amy march fluff#amy march#my writing
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10.15.2024
Little check in:
Hello! š¤ how are you?
Today was a good day for me overall, even if things didnāt go exactly as planned. I was able to get some things done. But my top priority was REST. Especially since this past month was incredibly busy. So today I gave myself permission to not think or look at anything school-related. I watched Netflix, this Colombian series Iām obsessed with, called āKlass95.ā
I danced and sang to salsa song alone in my room as I cleaned, I had a virtual therapy session and I reached out to a few friends of mine to plan to meet these upcoming days now that midterms are over.
As my day draws to an end and Iām lying in my bed, Iām noticing my chest and my heart are feeling a bit heavy. Iām feeling a bit lonely if I can be completely honest. For some reason, Iām thinking āI have so much joy in me, but no one to share it with.ā Particularly, someone special.
Itās been almost 2 years and a half that Iāve been single. And while I donāt have any plans to date soon, and apps for me, are done for good. I have been reflecting a lot on the qualities and characteristics I want my future partner to have. As well as exploring my own values. And itās a scary thing to think about. Still. At the thought of loving another human being while Iām learning to let go of my past. And the thing I come to the conclusion is that perhaps I canāt ever really let go of my past. Because itās part of my life story, my history whatās made me, me. And brought me to where I am today.
I can only hope, that in the future, Iād be able to find someone who accepts me, for me. Not some dream or ideal version of me. But all of me. My ups and downs. My sadness and my joy. My mistakes and my growth.
That includes my past. I donāt want to drag on. Because truly my heart is anxious thinking about it. Iām scared honestly of getting my heart broken again. I donāt want it to happen. Watch someone fall out of love with me. And to hold on to hope and a dream that will never happen or exist. I want to stay grounded in the present.
So while I lie here, Iāll read my book and think of all the ways I can love myself and all the things I love about myself. Itās beautiful for someone to look at you and hear all the things they love about you. But I canāt just wait for that to happen. I deserve and should love myself too!
And I shall ask myself, what would make me happy? Bring me joy? What do I look for out of this life? What do I want my days to feel like?
Itās a lot to ask. And I shouldnāt expect myself to have all the answers. To end this, I remind myself Iām here today. And thatās all that matters. Whatever that looks like, wether working, resting, seeing friends, or eating, Iām trying my best to move forward in my life while those answers find me.
Because frankly, and if I can be vulnerable, I lost the sense of my life when two important people walked out of my life, 2/3 years ago. They defined my world and were my whole world. And it still hurts. I wonāt lie. Maybe thatās why my chest feels heavy. Because I remember how that felt. The feeling of someone who loved you and you loved deeply choosing another life without you in it. It made me feel very insecure and ashamed and made me carry a guilt that would weigh me down into a depression. That Iām still working on overcoming, or learning to cope I should say.
Iāll reminded myself, āIām human. I can make mistakes and learn from them. I can express my hurt without feeling ashamed for them. My needs do matter. My dreams and idea of joy matters too.ā And most importantly, āI deserve to feel loved. Whether thatās from myself or others. I deserve to be seen and listened to when I have something to say. I deserveā and this is for everyone who might need to hear this āwe deserve to take up space in this world.ā And we deserve to feel safe.ā
Im tearing up right now. I think im still a bit in disbelief that that person that I loved and wanted a future with, and who claimed that they loved me too, even after we broke up and looked at me in the eyes as he said it, can just be so okay, with not knowing how I am right now. Be okay with me just moving on to someone else. Or be okay with just being friends.
Because I can painfully and with tears in my eyes say to you, I never did. I promise all of you, anyone who is reading this, I never wanted to be just his friends or want to be with anyone else other than him. As my letter for our last valentines said, āI want(ed) to love (him) until my memory fades.ā I wanted to love him every season. Every minute of my days. And be there for him in every way.
And itās been so hard. So incredibly difficult every day. To rebuild a life from zero. To go backwards in fact. To go back to university and finish the degree I couldnāt back then. And to do it all alone and have no clue or be scared of what awaits for me in the future. Because I donāt know and I donāt have a plan and Iāve always had a path and a vision, or a clear goal until those two people walked out of my life and left my heart on the floor.
Iāve been trying to pick up those pieces and glue them back together. Day by day. And Iāve had thoughts of no longer wanting to be here. Because some days, it truly all feels like too much and the pain just so unbearable to hold, and leaves me feeling hopeless and like a burden.
But as I find a way to conclude this, as I honestly donāt know how, because I donāt want to end this off on a negative note. Trying to think of something positive.
All that comes up for me is no one reading this deserve going to sleep confused on their worth and value, questioning whether the person we love, loves us back the same way.
Because love sees you. Love wants to hear you. How your dayās been. What are you dreams? Whatās worrying you or bringing you pain? Love helps you. Love believes in you. Love touches your heart. And reaches for you when you donāt want to be reached. Love finds you, even when you try to hide. Love tells you to stay. Love shows you why life is beautiful and more so beautiful because youāre here.
And I deserve to find a love like that for me. That cares for me, that chooses me and accepts my humanness. That doesnāt make me feel like Iām too much or incapable. That doesnāt put me down. Or makes me question my worth or value.
And meanwhile I patiently wait, I shall love myself from now on, starting right now. I just served my self a glass of hot water as my room is cold. (Your reminder to drink water if you havenāt.) I deserve rest. I deserve to sleep. And I deserve to know tomorrow will be another day and I deserve to be there. I deserve to see a tomorrow and to keep trying despite these heavy feelings.
I doubt anyone may read this, but if you so happen to, I want to say thank you from the bottom of my heart. Thank you for being here. Iām so happy youāre here. We will get to tomorrow together okay? Youāre not alone. Iām sending you all my love. And I hope you rest well too! Sweet dreams š¤
-Angelica
#personal rant#word vomit#long rant#mental heath#heartbreak#check in#text post#nyc#new york#thoughts#love#selflove#self reflection#tw depressing thoughts#hope#hopecore#self care
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Hello, friends and sweet things. š I just wanted to say a huge thanks again for all the love and support my fics have been receiving. I am truly grateful for each and every little like, reblog, and comment you leave on my work, whether it's the older or the newer ones. šāØ
As I mentioned in my previous posts, I just quit my job! I've had this job for the last six years and I felt like I needed a push in a new direction... I'm actually quite privileged to be able to take a break from work before I jump back into the job hunt! But alas, I'll have to start searching for a new place to earn money because a wedding isn't gonna pay for itself, or so my boyfriend said lol. š
I'll be taking a short break from writing, but I'll probably be around reblogging stuff between my job searching and life in general. I hope I find one that both pays well and suits meā and allows me the time to dabble in my fic writing because this is one of the things that brings me a lot of joy, and to you, too, I can only hope. š¤
Requests remain closed, but my inbox is always open for any messages you may have for me. š
Thank you so much again for all your kind and lovely words. I'll see you all on the other end of this job search! āØ
Much love, Mari š
#mari thoughts oh how dangerous š»#mari's jobless era lol#i need to make a joke out of it or else i will combust
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rhythm!! my keyboard automatically adds hythm after the r... i've been ā¤ļøāš©¹ anon all this time heh so after all the asks even my phone seems to recognise you when i'm starting a new one!!
i'm on hiatus, and i will be for a long time, but i come to tumblr to gossip every now and then and today the first post on my fyp was a self reblog of a wr!work you posted anteayer (my tumblr is spanish šāš¼) and i have to say you lightened my night. i still have to check out the recommendations to gave me in the last ask, but life has been too harsh on me lately and not only do i need time, but also the right mental state to enjoy it properly, if you know what i mean. i will absolutely read the wereroomies one, but just because at this point that little found family of yours is a way of healing by reading.
it's just, i don't know if it's okay to burden you with this, but i kind of need you to know too- how much do you help with your fics. how much comfort do you bring. how much a random reblog or a simple post of you can actually change an unknown life. if i'm on hiatus is because i'm not having the best time of my life rn (quite opposite) and it's not even writing what i can't do, but interacting here is so exhausting and draining that i can't afford it. and tonight i tried opening the app following the advice of a friend (she suggested it could actually be a distraction, reading some comfort fics) and the first thing i see is that wr!drabble??
it was weird the way i actually wanted to cry. in a good way, ofc. just, i've lost the capacity of flowing with words so excuse me if i don't make sense. what i really mean is thank you. i think i've said it a couple of times already since the first ask i sent, but i can't stop repeating it because it's what i feel everytime i see you blog in this app: thank you, thank you, thank you. for every time that you thought on giving up and you didn't, for every second spent in front of the screen, for all the nice words you always have for us, for every day you continue to be how you are, bringing so much joy to this blog, to this community, to this world. i swear, thank you so much š¤š¤
- ā¤ļøāš©¹ anon (oops, ya es por costumbre)
ohhh, baby mars, you sent this quite a while ago and i'm sorry i'm answering it just nowš
i think i told you already, but i was surprised to learn you were one of my frequent anonsš„ŗš„ŗš
i totally relate to the feeling of interacting being exhausting and draining... when life gets rough, our social interactions are one of the first things to take the toll, especially if they're public, so i totally get it.
it warms my heart that you can find some comfort in my silly little words and my silly little blog. truly. being aware of this makes me believe that maybe it's worth it to stay here and continue to share this space with such lovely people, even if it takes me 938472943 years to drop by because Life Is Too Much.
i really do hope things get better soon for you (and for all of us). hang in there, bb. we can do this!
thank you for taking the time to send this message, it really means the world to meš
#sorry if nothing i wrote makes sense. i'm very tired and already medicated so i'm not as coherent as i could be i think LOL#i hope my feelings get across anyway#stayconnecteed#ā¤ļøāš©¹ anon#ask
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Hello, I hope you are having a lovely day! I have just returned from an antique show where I purchased a lovely antique crystal perfume bottle and it made me think about you. Partially inspired by you and how you talk about romanticizing your life, I have been wanting to start wearing perfumes and I have been slowly acquiring personal items that bring me joy (such as the perfume bottle and a hand mirror I got at my last antique show). But now I have a bottle and no perfume and also undetermined contact dermatitis allergies.
I remember you once mentioning you quite like some but your mom really likes perfumes and I was wondering if you or your mom have advice on figuring out what scents one enjoys, how to navigate local/independent shops, and maybe ingredients that might cause allergic reactions I could avoid.
Also I have wanting to let you know that I purchased an assortment of stickers from you a few years back and I think about our exchange often. You are a delightful person and it was a very pleasant shopping experience. I hope to find excuses to buy from you again.
Hi! Thank you so much for your kindest message, your support and for thinking about me when you go antiquing š¤ I'm so delighted to hear that you are starting a collection of things that are specially dear to your heart, unique, carrying a history behind them. I love that so much, and I'm impatiently awaiting the antique fair in my city this month š Perfume bottles are also something I'm looking out for this year, especially old pastel Avon bottles for my collection. Mine still smells a little of the scents from the past, does yours too?
As for the perfumes themselves - I'm really not that much of an expert, but I have one rule for looking for fragrances: use them as you would normally, and if you can constantly feel them on yourself for the rest of the day, this is not it. They're supposed to blend with your body, dissapear for you but nobody else. My mom is very much into rare, niche perfumes, and that's how I know that "niche" often just means a fancy label or an ingredient, which is rare and hard to extract, but not particularly pleasant. But my mom also works writing descriptions of fragrances and they can be very peculiar and almost poetic. What to choose if you want to smell like a Greek goddess? A 1920's flapper in a jazz club? Like Alice in Wonderland? For me, my favorite scent lately called Cinnabar, smells exactly like the mystical beauty of Gustav Klimt's paintings, so gold and opulent. There are pages like fragrantica where you can read descriptions, see a whole list of ingredients (for allergies too), filter your searches with the notes or vibe. There are even blogs of people finding that aesthetical comparison and recommending scents based on their vibe. I think you could visit a few blogs, a few shops, learn what you like in each bottle - is it flowers, spices, fruits? And start looking from there. I think when you'll finally smell "the one", you'll know! Wishing you luck in your search! š¹ā¤ļø
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BUBBLES!!! My love, my life, oh. my. goodness!!! before I dive into what has me so emotional: how are you doing on this lovely monday (only this happy for it to be a Monday because of you <3) but seriously! the story you just posted, oh š„¹ my heart can't handle it, it makes me want to grab you and kiss you all over <3 i've had so many ellie x reader (obviously platonic) headcanon ideas!!! I won't share them just yet, first I need to finish the one I started yesterday but soon, I promise!! first, I'd like to congratulate you and thank you for sharing such a beautiful piece with us. I loved the idea, loved how you dealt with ellie having her first periodāthe panic that she tries to ignore, trying to "pull herself together" is the perfect way to write it and very much in characterā but most of all, I adored the way Joel and Reader dealt with that event. I won't get too much into it but I totally agree with how maternal reader is with Ellie and that's how I see their relationship in all my headcanons And joel, my, my, my š this man will be the death of me I swear and I could honestly go on for hours and hours about Ellie and Joel but your genius brain summed it up oh so perfectly it would be stupid to so "Because truly no one could love more than Joel Miller could." YES!! this man loves hard, profoundly, with every fiber of his being, you name it but all in all, being loved by Joel Miller is the greatest thing that could ever happen to you. Also!! love the idea that Ellie truly is Joel's daughter (even if there is no blood relation) but just with how she behaves, you know? Reading the story it felt a bit like "welp...she definitely her daddy's girl š" because Joel and Ellie are very similar and they have their own little language but Reader's presence is the perfect catalyst to get them both out of their shells a little and show their more caring side and i. just. find. that. lovely. actually, I loved that so much reading it isn't enough anymore I NEED TO SWALLOW IT!!! gosh that is so weird im so sorry BUT I did manage to find a big flaw in the story: now all I want Joel to take care of me when I get my period and after very thorough research IT. IS. NOT. POSSIBLE. so miss bubbles you are selling us a dream that can never become reality and you're just leaving my poor heart broken over the tragedy that has become my life šš I want a Joel pls pls pls šš ALSO (and I will finish with this because it is CAPITAL news) I used to hate the nickname "baby"/"babygirl" for a significant other (just found it weird to call someone who isn't a kid or another baby that lol) BUT NOW all I want is to be called babygirl AND ONLY BY JOEL!!! some other random dude calls me that? ew ew ew BUT JOEL DOES??? ...y-yes? š« okay that's all for now, I'm hoping to send the rest of the headcanon soon and uuuh yeah much love to you my little bubble <3
-šŖ·
Well, now that I cried for an hour or so... Do you even understand how much joy you bring me? And this is a serious question because uhh I know writers will back me on this but it's so easy to just start to overthink the stuff you put out and start to feel not good enough about what you write. But then there are angels like you and people who take their time to react to the story and just suddenly make you feel like you actually haven't let the whole world down. And I know it's dramatic but it really really means a lot to me. Making you all happy makes me happy! š¤š
On the other side, please.... I do need me a Joel Miller. Like it's a crime we can't have him. Cuddles, love, periods like man can do it all. Cruel cruel world. šš«§š„²
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Correct me if I am wrong.. you shared your poetry and there is a poem called reality check. Kind of seems like you are glorifying self harm? It made me super uncomfortable and I can only imagine how it makes others who have gone through self harm feel. Please add trigger warnings to content like this. Thanks. Especially when you have younger gen who follows you and looks up to you. You donāt want to encourage this.
Okay, so I can see how that can be taken out of context, so I understand why you might feel that way however I am not glorifying anything, I am writing about my own experiences, unless noted otherwise, my intention is not to make you uncomfortable but also the reality is that people struggle with mental health and feel alone, talking about it does not glorify it. In the particular one you are talking about it is not about self harm itās just about struggling. But I can see how it can be taken that way, and I apologize if you felt uncomfortable.
However, I do talk about mental health, I write about mental health because mental health is not a dirty secret and it is not something people should be ashamed about. I understand that people can misinterpret or maybe be uncomfortable with topics and I totally get that, Iām not trying to do that by any means and Iāve shed a lot of the darkness that I used to have when writing. I am still growing as a person and a writer and thatās why Iām always so hesitant to post anything, but itās soemthing that helps me, brings me a little bit of joy when I feel like crap so Iām going to keep doing it. Not in a disrespectful way Iām just not going to give it up. I get it itās not for every one and thatās okay. But poetry is my outlet.
I want to encourage others to not be afraid to talk about their feelings, the ugly messy feelings because if you talk about it itās less lonely, you can find healthy coping skills, etc. I want others to feel less alone, less scared of the what the world would think of them if they spoke up, and just to know that no matter what they are going through, whether itās a breakup, mental health stuff, life things, anything, that itās okay to talk about it. thatās what Iām encouraging.
Hope that answers your concernsš¤
#asks#mental health#poetry#mental heath awareness#you matter#you are not alone#you are loved#you are powerful#you are valid
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Hello! I would love to receive a reading please..
My initial is PD
DOB:- 14 /1/2005
Sun:- Capricorn, moon:- Pieces, Rising:- Aries
Special event:- Today I got my results. My elder sister and my Boyfriend is happy with it .
Qs:- Will I able to get into my dream college (RBU)?
Thank you for the reading š¤āØš
Hello, dear @coffee365d! ThankĀ you for your request.Ā I hopeĀ that my reading will help you and bring clearance to your situation.Ā
Feedback is very much appreciatedĀ andĀ if you consider tipping me, you can do so on my āļøko-fi.
Count of questions/requests and answers 5/15.
Without wasting any time, let's get into your reading!'ā¢.Āøā” ā”Āø.ā¢'
Tarot free readings ruleāļ½”ā§ĖŹšÉĖā§ļ½”ļæ½ļæ½ļæ½
Tarot payed readings rules š¢Ö“ą»š·ĶÖāĖ*ą©šāøāøšā©ā§āĖ
If you want a simple answer it will be YES, you will get where you desire. Everything will start to make sense and all your past actions will be balanced. Good chances are on the horizon but you need to resolve some certain past issues. You will be in the public eye and your confidence and wisdom will grow. You are close to reaching your goals. Success is coming and an important decision will be made. New possibilities are ahead, and opportunities, joy, and forward motion are on your road. Just be careful a little bit with your emotions, and don't be too influenced by your past actions and the way that stuff made you feel. This is a new situation, a new opportunity. Stay alert and be ready to take this opportunity in your life. Also, you need to know that there is a possibility that after a period you will start to get bored in this situation(concerning your college)and even though things are harmonious from the outside you won't feel like this. So you will deal with a period of frustration(maybe because it's new stuff and you need some time to accommodate). But soon you will feel energized to move on and you will also feel content with what you have achieved. Now is the time to focus on your healing and your new direction. Another thing that I want to tell you is that be careful about all the influences that you have around you because you can deal with some negative mental states because of their influence(they can even make you lose something- money, a job, a dream). So be careful with them and also don't be too focused only on a thing, if there is any opportunity around you try at least to find out more about it because you never know what the future will bring for you. Angel message: Acceptance means unconditional love. The angels remind you to accept everyone exactly as they are, without judging, blaming, or wanting to change them. Harmlessness through acceptance is a high state of being and this is a difficult quality for humans to embrace for it is a divine quality. Nonetheless, the angels are drawing it to your attention now. You are also asked to accept yourself. When you truly do so, you feel centered and confident and your divine self is revealed.
Affirmation: I accept myself and others. WishĀ you only the best!š
Moniš§āāļø
#tarot witch#tarotcommunity#tarotblr#tarot community#tarot#tarot reading#daily tarot#moni tarot#tarot cards#tarot deck#free tarot game#free tarot readings#tarot free reading#free tarot reading
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š±šš¼š š±ššš šššš¾ššš¾š.
sŹį“į“į“į“
į“į“”É“, 1979. į“į“į“Ź į“ÉŖį“
s É“į“į“ į“Ź Źį“į“ į“ į“Źį“ į“ÉŖį“į“! ā
šø
a song so sweet it gives me toothache everytime i hear it, and who better fits the bill for this tune than haewontu? pure, lovable, full of light, and always bringing joy wherever she goes.
ā
will be dedicating the second song in the playlist to wonter. a song about self-empowerment and critiquing gender roles and expectations.. i think it suits her perfectly as i always see her as someone with so much independence. would never say this to her face but i admire her a lot. i hope this song resonates with her as much as it does with me.
ā
i personally think this song is just suuuuper fun and goofy, and that is exactly ohusionās vibes. always had such a blast with you, enjoyed all the laughter you bring into my life. stay exactly as you are, never change. ;)
ā
while this song speaks to farewell and moving forward, please know that me dedicating this to you, leeseoc, isnāt about saying goodbye. not now, not ever. i just love this song a lot and i think the lyrics are beautiful. and i believe beautiful song like this deserves to be heard by someone equally beautiful (inside and outside).
ā
teaesan, letās make this one a theme song for all the wild adventures we have had over the years. this song screams teenage rebellion and not giving a damn, and that is exactly how i am when iām with you. note to you: you will always have my back no matter what.
ā
this person has been through so much yet every time life knocks him down, he somehow finds the strength to stand tall on both feet again. i donāt say it often enough, but i admire him so much for his perseverance. this one is for yeontjun, please know that you can always lean on me whenever you have a rough day.
ā
chaewoy and taehyuuin, even though we havenāt talked much lately.. as i have been kinda neglecting the two of you (sorry for that, will make up to it soon!), please know that i cherish our friendship more than words can say. our bond, thatās the one thing weāve got.
ā
dedicating this to my human diary, heeseungp. itās hard for me to put into words how grateful i am for his support through every up and down. thank you, for patiently listening to my repeated rants and never growing weary. you are the bestest friend anyone could ever ask for. we will always have each otherās backs, yeah?
ā
the world seems less ordinary with Thursdaylads in it. everything just seems a little brighter, a little more exciting and special. crazy how much of an impact they have on me. incredibly grateful to have crossed paths with each and every one of them, though.. including our dear manager who keeps everything running smoothly, and always indulging herself in our silly, never ending banter. š¤__š¤
ā
i thought again and again over what song i should dedicate to this one person. over the years, i have associated him with lots of songs, but i want this one to be unlike anything else i have ever sent him. i believe the lyrics weāve been through this such a long long time, just tryinā to kill the pain. love is always coming, love is always going describe our dynamic so well that i decided to dedicate this one for him instead.. even though this is a song about the end of a relationship. BUT i have been listening this masterpiece a lot these past weeks, and i want yeonjunr to have a listen too!
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jen dearest š¤ i got myself some time during my lunch break to reply to you ; u ; but how exciting that you had a great time back at home and seeing all the people you missed the last little while. i know the feeling you described, almost... a mix of guilt and grief for "visiting" home and not staying home, for "leaving behind" the ones who probably want you by their side the most. i feel that way every time i see my grandparents, and they are only a couple cities over from me... i cannot imagine that sort of strain on your heartstrings after hopping on the plane š„ŗ but although that feeling doesn't really get any better, life does get bigger ā so in comparison to the last time, hopefully your visits home become easier to carry with experience. (did you try bĆ”nh canh like we last discussed š?)
those resolutions ā or at least, aspirations to set forth this year! ā sound perfectly reasonable to me āŗļø i hope you get to achieve them, or even an inkling of all, so you can full power experience them later! as for me ā i may tap back into writing, but for original characters of my own; maybe even poetry? how fun would that be hehe i'm also looking to move along with work ā things have been going well in my role, and my team definitely trusts me with managing the office ā but the company itself and the compensation is next to nothing, sadly. but cheers to see where our professional roads lead ^^~ any new country in particular you're looking to come to?
my love and i are still going strong š„° it will be 7 years together in february! things have been sort of picking up a notch ā we've discussed engagement/marriage to our families and it makes me feel so funny because!!! i!!! am!!! baby!!! (see: turning 28 later this year, my goodness šØ) who knows what will happen by this year but if things happen... i'll be sure to tell you š¤
i'm so dearly content that you found that passion and rhythm again to write; especially almost every day! how absolutely exciting ; u ; ! when the muse has been locked in, it's hard to let go in the original rush of it all... may you enjoy the ride as it continues on hehe either way, i certainly hope the stay fandom has been treating you kindly and have become a safe place for you to travel to often. you only deserve the utmost best, after all.
until next time, sweetheart~
write soon. thʰʔng thʰʔng with all my heart,
cee š¤
yeah itās very bittersweet š« i do still get emo sometimes thinking about it. yesterday i just sat down on the couch and stared at nothing for like 15 minutes after i looked at something i brought back from home. but yeah since iām gonna try to come visit more often, hopefully the withdrawal wonāt be as bad as this time š
bĆ”nh canh completely slipped my mind !! š thereās actually quite a few things that i didnāt get to eat even though i was trying to tick everything off my list lol. from now on iāll have to try and be more productive whenever i go back š
oh writing !! i hope you find the time and enjoyment in writing again. i miss your writing (and maybe!jk) sm :(( but i know that whatever it may be, poetry or your own ocās, youāre gonna be amazing
iām so glad that work is going well for you. and love !! thatās exciting news !! for now i can only hope that you two are as happy as can be. but fingers crossed for more wonderful news in the future <3 :ā)
iām planning to go to nyc later this year for a trip - maybe september, weāre still thinking - so i might be in the same timezone as you !!
thank you !! day by day i feel better about writing since the new muse has come into my life. getting back in touch with creativity again has really brightened up my life and itās honestly kinda silly how much a good fandom experience can make me so happy lol. i hope that side of tumblr will continue to be as good as now for as long as possible bc itās really been bringing me so much joy :ā)
i always look forward to your messages. thank you for checking in, boo <3 happy tįŗæt in advance !! love you always, thĘ°Ę”ng thĘ°Ę”ng ļæ½ļæ½ļæ½ļæ½
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Hey look, itās me on a podcast with some of my favorite people! š„¹š„°šš¤ Head over to @stopthinking_startdoing for more information or check out the full episode āThe Power of Peaceā on Spotify now! āØ
In this episode we have an open and honest conversation about what the power of peace means to us because as we all know, it can look different for everyone. We explore different ways of finding peace, how social media affects how we all perceive things, how we all connect and bond over our love for nature and how it brings us inner peace, how important it is to embrace your creative side, and how important it is to heal yourself from your past so you can move forward.
As Iāve said many times, this journey for me has been tough and being vulnerable has never been easy for me. I am so proud of how far Iāve come and how easily I opened myself up, not only to these incredible ladies, but just in general. I never thought Iād be here creating a blog, writing about my personal thoughts, adventuring for fun, being creative, finding joy in the little things, being an open and honest person, healing myself from within and certainly not being on a public podcast.
If anyone takes anything away from this, I hope itās that you can do anything you want. No matter how scary it is or how worried you are about what others think. If you have a dream, a goal, or a hobby and you want to share it with the world. DO IT. You are the creator of your reality and you have the power to create the life youāve dreamed of.
Thank you again - Alicia, Erin, and Mary (the three ladies of stopthinking_startdoing) for allowing me to be a part of your space, a part of your journey, and a part of your podcast. Thank you for not only being friends, but also family. You are all incredible and I cannot wait to see what the future holds for you.
āØA bonusāØ I also found my new tagline - āReal & Authentic. Happy & Healing.ā šŖ“š¤āØ
#peaceofmindy#findingpeacewithinoneself#findingpeacewithin#blog#vlog#beingvulnerable#bloggerlife#bloggingbabes#blogginglife#bloggingmyfeelings#peace#create your own peace#finding peace#podcast#vulnerability#love#happy#Spotify#instagram#stopthinking start doing#selfcare#selfgrowth#selflove#self care#self development#self healing#self improvement#self worth#let yourself bloom#let your light shine
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it's raining, it's pouring (but promise to keep me safe and dry)
description āµ genshin characters in the rain with you <3
characters āµ kazuha, xiao, hu tao, zhongli
cw āµ fluff
a/n āµ sorry i haven't posted anything in a bit (actually it's been ages sorry bout that guys)!! here's some headcanons for you that i've been putting off (procrastination things) hope you have a magical day/nightš¤p.s. if you're taller than zhongli (how) you're gonna have to become shorter for his headcanon srry ;)
k.Ā kazuha - ę«åäøå¶Ā āµ
kazuha is a weathered traveller
he loves the rain and everything associated with it
he loves the way it calms his soul and always brings him to peace with the world
*insert 1203988457 poems about rain*
so, don't take it as a surprise if he sees with you an umbrella in the rain...
...and then proceeds to gently take it from you and close it neatly
"y/n, my dove...umbrellas are inventions that shield you from the beauty of rain."
*insert that one bob marley quote about loving the rain but opening an umbrella*
he will then direct his face towards the rain, with the softest of smiles on his face
if you show signs of being cold, he'll give you a spare jacket he might have with him
and he'll hum sad tunes while strolling along in the rain with you close by his side
bonus headcanon, if you absolutely must use an umbrella in the rain, he'll offer to hold it 'over the two of you' but instead only holds it over you <3
"i hope you know that i love you more than the number of raindrops that fall from the sky in the most fearsome of cyclones, my dove."
xiao - é āµ
rain is probably xiao's favourite weather
it reminds him that at least the sky is crying with him
sharing his grief and sorrow in ways no human or mortal could ever
being with you in the rain gives xiao something to take care of, even if he has no idea how to do this properly
"y/n...are you cold? we should go under some shelter if you're feeling cold...ah, you're not? that's alright then..."
when it starts to rain, xiao will start to internally panic, having no idea how to keep you warm and dry in the rain
he then abruptly realises that he has an umbrella
so he shares it with you, pulling you close so the two of you can both be dry
the two of you walk along in the rain in comfortable silence, with xiao holding the umbrella over your heads
he'll definitely carry you when you least expect it (bonus points if it's bridal-style) if you need to get over a puddle
"if you're cold, you can tell me and we'll stop by somewhere warm and dry...i would hate for you getting sick, y/n...well, if you're sure..."
hu tao - č”ę” āµ
hu tao is a mischievous and energetic bundle of fun
so naturally, she's always looking for ways to share it (the fun)
rain excites hu tao
she probably has 100k theories about what rain is adn where it comes from
and she's always willing to share these theories with you
"y/n, i strongly believe that raindrops are the tears of the dead, who are either crying in joy as they watch their loved ones, or crying in sadness as they mourn not fulfilling their mortal lives!"
anyway back to the x reader part lol
in the rain, hu tao is as playful and fun-loving as ever
she might come off as annoying to some people, but to you she's just the exact opposite of that!
she's always there to find joy in the little things in life, and the rain is no exception!
she'll hug you close if there's lightning, laughing and teasing you all the time
and she'll also kick up the water from puddles, trying to get you wet with rainwater
"y/n, have you heard the tale of the two lovers who met in the rain? hehe...it certainly reminds me of us, doesn't it?"
zhongli - éē¦» āµ
zhongli is, simply put, the gentleman of everyone's dreams
soft-spoken, strong, and courteous
he'll offer you his arm to hold, even if you don't need it
he exudes a graceful, sophisticated charm that makes it impossible not to giggle and blush as he pulls you in close once you hold his arm
"now, now, my dear y/n...we wouldn't want you getting wet now, would we?"
zhongli is prepared for every single situation - trust him to have packed spare clothes for you
and, of course, how could he forget an umbrella?
he probably has a fine-quality umbrella that looks kinda like a parasol, is really big so that the both of you can fit under it
he's so tall, when he holds the umbrella over your head he has to lean down slightly to make sure you're safe and dry
your stroll in the rain is pleasurably spent jumping into zhongli's arms every time there's a puddle
and hearing his deep, comforting chuckles and words every now and then
and leaning into his rock-hard arms as you pause to catch your breath
"y/n...come now, let me keep you safe in my arms..."
#genshin impact#genshin#genshin impact fluff#genshin fluff#kazuha#kazuha fluff#xiao#xiao fluff#hu tao#hu tao fluff#zhongli#zhongli fluff#kazuha x reader#xiao x reader#hu to x reader#zhongli x reader#genshin x reader#ą«® Ė¶įµ įµ įµĖ¶ į writes
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Itās Definitely You || kth (m.) 5
synopsis:
Working as a barista in NYC has its perks, but when your ultimate dream of being on the Broadway stage tends to come crumbling down, the only thing that raises your spirits is the comfort of a complete strangerā¦ who seems to have known you for far longer than you thought.
masterlist here
ā pairing: taehyung x barista!reader (also musical theatre performer cause I had to)
ā genre: fluff, angst, future smut | strangers(ish) to loversā¦ i wonāt give the truth away... gonna have to read and find out for yourself ;))
-> warnings: implied sexual themes, emotional breakdown, taehyung is too much of a gentleman and may have you swooning, anxiety, a little bit of yellingā¦ angst is beginning to settle inā¦
ā word count: 12.8k
authors note:
happy birthday to meeee!!! iām now 20 years oldā¦ thatās terrifying. but what better way to celebrate another year gone by with kim taehyung being the ultimate boyfriend who knows how to take a girl on an official first date??? there is no better way! I'm so sorry it took so long for me to get this chapter out.. life has been.. insane. i just previously moved so i've been settling in with all that comes with it! thank you for waiting for the next chapter and I hope y'all enjoy it!! let's cry over kim taehyung together.
authors thanks:
a HUGE thank you to @hobipaint for beta-reading and helping me put this story into words! seriously, hazels feedback and suggestions are SO freaking helpful. i love you girl. also, a huge thank you to @amourtae for beta-reading and supporting this story!! thank you to everyone who continues to support me and my work... i could not thank you all enough for the kind messages and comments you've left on this series!!! i'm so beyond thankful that you enjoy my writing and are looking forward to the outcome of this series! I believe there will be two more chapters left before I close out this series and finally work on one shots LOL but I hope these next two chapter keep you all on your toes!
if you are enjoying this story, please donāt hesitate to reblog + send me an ask (on or off anon) and let me know your thoughts, feelings, theories, etc!! i would love to hear from all of you š¤
without further ado, here is chapter 5!
December 8th
The art that stands before you is nothing compared to the concrete knowledge of Taehyung's feelings toward youā even the most iconic of art pieces wouldn't come close to the weightless feeling in your chest. Right now, you're standing before a building filled to the brim with art pieces that go down in historyā¦ and yet, all you can truly focus on is the warm hand clasped within your own, a creation unlike any other: an artist's hands.
Taehyung's dark eyes have been flying across The Metās exterior: a large off-white building, towering above like a concrete cloud with its dazzling architecture catching eyes of nearby tourists who "ooo" and "ahh" at the finery. It beckons you towards the front doors as two red ribbons fall on either side, flowing in the chilly wind like lava; seemingly as bright as the tips of your frost-bitten noses.
You've been to The Met a few times, mostly alone when you needed time to think after a rough dayā especially since it was free and provided you time to appreciate others' art, rather than focusing on the failing of your own. Usually, you would walk the halls and glance at the groups rummaging through the exhibitsā eyes wide and smiles bright. Usually, you would admire the works you'd seen countless times with a fond smile, quietly making your way through. Usually, you would be walking through these doors alone.
But today was not a usual day.
The breeze brushes Taehyung's hair out of his eyesā as if the universe wanted him to truly see your efforts to bring him hereā and he looks happy. A gentle smile graces his lips, his honey-like skin slightly creasing near his eyes with joy and solitude. You can't help but feel a sense of luck.
He is truly beautiful.
āI have no words.ā A sigh leaves his lips, his smile full and bright like the sun that shines overhead. āWhy did you bring me here?ā
A few nights ago, you had briefly remembered Taehyung's confession of having been to The Met over a year agoā which shocked you, ya know, since he is an artist. And The Met is free. Free art for an artist? Why hasn't he gone more often? He assured you that he "just didn't have the time," but you knew that wasn't the truth.
You're getting better and better at picking up on his lies, and it saddens you to know that he tells a lot of them.
āItās important for you to go to The Met.ā You had claimed that night. āAs an artist.ā
Despite kissing him a few nights ago, you didn't have the guts to tell him that the truth behind your bringing him here was to spend more time with him. You were about to leave for a whole monthā¦ and a part of you missed him already. You cursed at yourself, claiming that it wasn't far enough into your relationship to start missing him while awayā and yet your heart keeps aching every time you think of leaving him in a week.
āJust because.ā You shrug in reply to his question, rocking back on your heels and smirking at him while he marvels over the view.
The fact that Taehyung had cried in the hallway of your apartment building also weighed on you. You still havenāt asked him about it ā nor are you going to ā but that was the final push towards this trip. He must be facing something extremely difficult, judging by the look on his face that night. He looked utterly broken and horrified. The least you could do was try to help him smile again.
Thus, here you are, standing before The Met, which holds the world's most significant artworks, while you hold an artist's hand.
"This place seems more ethereal nowā¦." He exhales, his shoulders dropping in relief, and you can't help yourself from rubbing his back gently. He turns his head to look at you. "Especially since I get to be here with you."
Cheesy.
Truth be told, this was all very foreign to you: this thing called dating. Whichā¦ you couldn't say you were necessarily doing since he hasn't asked you on a proper date yet. Still, your stomach flutters when he looks at you this wayā and his dark eyes hold the promises that you've kept locked away for a long time.
If you said that the only reason you hadn't dated when you were younger was that no one was interested, you would be lying. Your parents had gotten a divorce when you were young, then went through second divorces with your stepparentsā so to you, love seems impossible. Love seems fake. It seems impossible to grasp.
And yet here is Taehyung, with eyes full of love and a hand that holds yours like a cocoon, keeping those little promises safe. You can't believe that you're lucky enough to have him by your sideā¦ to hold him like this and to learn what real love should be like.
Of course, you would never say this out loudā¦ but with every day that passes, you realize that you truly are falling in love with him. No matter how scary that may be, it's inevitable.
"Alright, enough with that." You huff, pushing him towards the doors.
"Am I not allowed to be romantic?"
You shake your head. "Not at this moment; we've got too much to look at and not enough time."
Taehyung laughs at your eagerness, reaching forward to open the door and holding it for you. You pause, staring at him with an annoyed look on your face.
He looks lost.
"What?" He questions.
"I told you you're not allowed to be romantic."
A grin emerges onto his lips, the wind jostling his hairā and you want to slap yourself because this truly feels like a dream. A dream you never want to wake up from.
"I'm holding the door for you, M'lady. Besides, you have to lead the wayā and we do have limited time." With that, he grasps your hand, nods to the people behind you in apology, and pulls you through the entrance.
It takes a moment to rebalance yourself, and you nearly fall over again when you notice how close the two of you are, noses touching. Taehyungs arm is around your waist, gratefully holding you up, or else you would've been on the floor by now. An inescapable blush creeps onto your cheeks and you shake your head slowly.
"This is still romantic." You whisper softly.
"Sorry." His voice is soft; his smile is shining brightly. Chocolate eyes run over your features, slowly traveling from your nose, to your lips, to the strand of hair falling on the side of your face, and settling back to your eyes. You're having trouble breathing. "I guess I can't help it."
A moment more of him staring at you like that is enough to make you pull out of his embrace, embarrassment evident as you turn him towards the first room. He's laughing, and you can't contain the smile that stretches onto your lips, despite your bashfulness.
"All hail the artists of artists!" You exclaim.
You had initially come here to raise Taehyung's spiritsā and yet you are absolutely entranced by the art before you, maybe even more excited than the artist himself. You're starting to wish you'd studied art in school. Theatre was cool, too, but you felt like drawing the way Taehyung does at this moment. Each piece tells its own story, the metaphors and symbols dancing within brushstrokes and sculpted clay that overlaps and curls in a beautiful pattern. Itās almost like a script full of secretsā¦ where the art is right in front of you, but the meaning within is hidden and up to the viewer's understanding. Itās intriguing.
"This one reminds me of you." Taehyung expresses quietly, standing before a simple painting of a single microphone standing in the center of an empty auditorium. A dim light is cast upon the mic, making it glow and shine in the otherwise dark and gloomy atmosphere. You had to bite back a smile. He sure had you all figured out, didn't he?
You pass so many stories; a woman and a child painting within a painting, a sculpted deer, a weird sculpture that you honestly have no idea the meaning ofā¦ it seemed as if the artist was drunk while creating it. And yet, Taehyung stood staring at that single confusing sculpture in awe. The passion that radiates through him as he glances at the awkward objects that make up the sculpture makes you smile. You can feel his enthusiasm within his long pauses and lingering gazeā¦ these small moments make your heart seize; seeing him in his element was a whole different experience.
There's one drawing in particular that makes Taehyung pause for an exceptional amount of time, and you can't bring yourself to continue to admire the lover's hugging sculpture in front of you, too curious about what has him so distracted.
Silence fills the room as the last couple leaves to embark on the next exhibit, but Taehyung doesn't move. He's quiet as he stares solemnly, his hands hidden deep within his jacket pockets. Without asking any questions, you finally look at what's entranced him for this long.
The Clock. by Anpan
It's a drawing of a grandfather clock, a dim reflection of a man's outline with his finger moving the clock's hands in reverse. On the face of the clock, there are different drawings of a girl going through life, from birth to teen years, middle age, old age, and death.
You admire the way it's drawn, all by pencil, not needing any form of color to express the deeper meaning. The meaning of a man going back in time to recall his lover's life. It takes you a moment to finally look away from the drawing, turning your attention towards the gentle eyes that are already settled on you.
"What?" You question, grasping onto Taehyung's arm when his gaze never strays from your own.
All he does is offer a small smileā a boxy shape that outshines the sparkling lights of The Mets Christmas decorations ā a smile that you've grown so fond of.
"It's nothing." He responds.
----
December 9th
"You and Taehyung did WHAT?"
You wince awkwardly, glancing around to make sure that no customers in the cafe caught wind of your conversation, which (as usual) is hard to believe since Jimin's excitable self is loud when he takes in mind-blowing information. Sometimes, it's a blessing and a curse. More so a curse in this situation.
You barely move your mouth as you utter, "we kissed," before taking another sip of your seasonal beverage.
This year (courtesy of yourself), the cafe has a "milk & cookies" latte, with customers raving inside and out of the Academia walls over the flavoring. You even heard customers discussing it in a nearby grocery store, which had you smiling ear to ear at the notion of your own flavoring blend exciting their taste buds.
Even Jimin was drinking the aforementioned latte, but he has barely taken many sips since you enlightened him with the topic of you and Taehyung's brief make-out session on your couch.
Jimin's leaning across the small table in eager interest. His smile is probably reaching from the East Village to Washington Heights. "You KISSED? And when were you going to tell me? When I was old and gray??? How did this happen? What happened? Was it good??? Did Taehyungā"
"Oh my gosh, could you be any louder?" You seethe, smacking his hand that rests on the table. He's quick to respond, gasping and rubbing the pain away with an over-dramatic glare. "Yes, we kissed, and yes, it was good and you can shut up about it now."
You brush off the topic like snow off the roof of a car, unable to converse any further without your face igniting into flames. You enjoyed every second of that kiss... every brush of his lips against your own, every time his fingers ran through your hair, every single moan that he released that you swallowed eagerly and wished to hear again.
However, there was no way you dared to speak these feelings aloud.
As if on cue, Taehyung's chilled frame breaks through the doors of the cafe and straight into your direction, wafting cold winter air in with him and cutting off Jimin's next question about the kiss. He's bombarded with bags, shifting his weight as he rests them on the empty seat beside Jimin. They must be his college bags, filled to the brim with binders and folders, the starry night painting plastered atop one of themā most notably his art bag.
He's heaving, attempting to catch his breath as he removes layers and layers of clothing. And yet, he looks stunning as always, his hair parted slightly as snowflakes sit peacefully within the dark waves. It's easy to admire the way one falls onto his nose and melts at the touch. Beneath the mounds of coats and jackets, he's wearing a dark brown sweater that highlights the earthy tone of his irises.
"Woah, woah, woahā"Jimin exclaims, pushing the chair farther from him when a piece of snow falls onto the floor, nearly hitting Jimin's shoe. "Keep the cold outside, will you?"
Taehyung smiles, finally collecting himself as he drags his computer out from the Starry Night bag. "Sorry!" He exhales happily.
His attention turns immediately to you, and before you can even thinkā he leans over and places a kiss on your cheek, a snowflake falling onto your forehead. You usually would squeal at the cold, but you're too busy suffering from a hot face after an utterly unpredictable kiss was just planted straight onto your skin.
It all happened so fast, and it has you careening.
Jimin is grinning like a buffoon, waving his eyebrows in your direction, which causes your cheeks to grow even hotter. You nearly forget that a kiss on the cheek is a regular occurrence in relationshipsā which, again, you can't say you have a relationship when he hasn't really put a label onto this whole endeavor.
Taehyung seems unperturbed by his actions, continuing to seat himself beside you and open up his laptop. On the other hand, you are red in the face and have trouble breathing. Does this mean you're official? Does he want to pursue regular relationship actions with you? Did he kiss you on the cheek in a friendly way?
What the hell, Y/n. Kissing is not friendly.
Jimin can obviously tell that your brain is spiraling because he's quick to change the topic, questioning aloud in the brain-wreckers direction. "How's the project coming?"
"I'm almost finished. I have to put my signature on the drawing and thenā" He holds out the "n" in "then," shuffling through his many google docs on the screen. When he seems to have found the doc he was looking for, he continues. "Then, I'll be able to send it to our teacher and Kim Namjoonā¦ which is totally freaking me out."
"I'm sure it's amazing." You chime in, quickly shutting your mouth again when he turns to look at you with a smile. Can he tell that you were freaking out literally two seconds ago?
Taehyung speaks nonchalantly. "It's not perfect, but I tried my best."
Nope. He definitely can not tell you're freaking outā¦ good.
Jimin sighs, seemingly coming down from the previous conversation since he's nursing his latte again. "Everything you make is perfect; let's be honest." Jimin leans towards you. "He won almost every single 'artist of the week' award in our schoolā but they had to mix it up the other times so that it seemed fair."
"That's not true." Taehyung huffs in ignorance.
"It is true. You we're constantly leaving class to go accept your award at the main building."
Taehyung doesn't respond, too busy clicking through files while Jimin mouths "it's true" to you. It's hard not to smile at the thought of Taehyung doing so well in his studies, seeing as he was this stressed out over it the minute he walked into the doors. Even enough to kiss you on the cheek in his haze.
"Do you want to see it?"
You almost don't register Taehyung's question, but the second you do, you find him looking at you with a hopeful gleam in his eyes. What did you know about art? Shouldn't he be showing Jimin? The truth is, you know it's because he favors you and wants you to be happy with his workā¦ and you can't help the fluttering feeling that erupts in your chest at the notion.
You nod. "Yeah! Of course I do."
He slides his computer over, clicking on the link before bracing his arm around the back of your chair. It takes everything in you not to lean into the ghosting heat of his skin, but you refrain and attempt to focus on the painting that splays out in front of you.
The brushstrokes dance and skim across the surface like golden swirling ribbons. Architecture made from rays of the golden sun. It's almost as if you see the theatre in person again, the building radiating with dark brown and golden strokes that paint the exterior of the theatre perfectly. Golden swirls cinch at the top of the double doors which hold shadows of people beyond the grey painted glass. The theatre is sparkling in what seems to be a spotlight, blotches of white accentuating the sparkles across the golden surface. Next to the doors, thereās a sign which reads āKimās Theater: Now Open!ā
"Oh my gosh, Taehyung." You whisper, catching his lips twitching upwards in the corner of your eye as you lean toward the screen to get a closer look. "This isā¦ Wow. This is incredible."
"Yeah?" Taehyung says quietly. You almost feel as if he's trying not to touch your back, the ghosting heat becoming warmer before fading back to the way it was before. He was trying to put his arm around you. You barely notice this, however, too intrigued by his profound talents.
"Yes. It's almost like you're actually there! You made the exterior so much prettier, tooā¦ people will want to see this place far and wide, I promise you."
"Oh! That's not all." He exclaims, moving his arm from the back of your chair to reach towards his laptop. He's changing to another link, and yet another incredible painting comes into view.
This time, it's up on the rooftop. The same chairs and decorations from that night are painted in such a way that you can almost feel the soft, cushy couch beneath you. This is amazing because you're currently seated on probably the most uncomfortable chair you've ever had the displeasure of sitting on.
"You have such a gift." You breathe out quietly, shaking your head at the sheer beauty of his art. The art of someone so passionate, so in-depth with his creationsā someone you know tries his absolute hardest to succeed. And here he is with successful projects and art pieces. "Truly."
His left hand, once hidden beneath a wooly glove, is now bare on the table, bracing himself beside the computer. Without thinking, you place your hand over his and give him a reassuring squeeze as you inspect the dotted stars across the top of the painting.
His skin burns at your touch, warm and inviting you to take his hand within yours. He's so gentle in every way; even the feel of his skin is buttery smooth and taunting you in a way that makes you utterly nervous. You attempt to move your hand away from his own, but he's quick to stop you and grab onto your ghosting grip. You can feel your heart beating wildlyā¦ he must feel your hand pulsing.
If he does, he doesn't point it out. In fact, he continues on as if nothing is happening.
"I have to be there for the opening night of the theatreā¦." He pauses, collecting himself with a quiet inhale. "Do you want to come with me? As my plus one?"
You nod, offering him a toothy smile. The smile that grows on your face is inevitable, and after a few seconds, your cheeks burn from the overextended joy. You don't know how Taehyung does thisā¦ even the tiniest of things give you an enormous amount of serotonin.
"Of course I do." You respond.
----
December 10th
You're trying to pay attention, truly you are.
When Taehyung offered to help you with house chores, you were eager to say yes and use him to get out of the tasks you didn't want to do: vacuuming, dusting, tidying up, etc. Cleaning is not your favorite thing in the world, but you figured with Taehyung here, it would be easier.
Boy, were you wrong.
Leave it to the two of you to get sidetracked by each other's presence. You had merely scrubbed your kitchen counter before the two of you took a break and erupted into conversation on the couch. Normally, you wouldn't mind having a genuine conversation with himā¦ but the tingling deep within your stomach has you dazed and unable to process the words coming out of his distracting mouth.
His cologne is a bit more prominent today, and it's making your head spin in the most blissful wayā¦ it takes everything in you not to lean forward and hug him just so you can soak in it a little bit more. But that would be rude, seeing as Taehyung is trying to have a conversation with you about his teacher's feedback on his project.
"He was actually really nice about the criticismāā he chirps across from you happily, totally unaware of your struggles, āand luckily, he said there wasn't much to criticizeā¦ so I guess I won't have to change anything before opening night!"
All you can seem to do is stare at his moving lips, plump and softā making you heated and dizzy. You continue nodding as if you understand what he's saying, but every other word that leaves his mouth is drowned out. Was this what sexual frustration felt like? If so, it was more than frustrating.
"Y/n?"
You jolt up. "Hm? What?"
He's looking at you with a confused expression, licking his lips in a way that has you cursing his habit. It was cute, you're not gonna lie... but how dare he do that when you're in the middle of a horny crisis?
"You okay?" He questions, moving his hand to the side of your arm to hold you gently, an action drenched in concern.
"Me? Yeah! I'm fine; why?" Maybe it was because you responded too quickly, or maybe it's because you're obviously blushing (judging by the heat of your face), but Taehyung's expression changes slightly before his lips lift into a knowing grin.
"What are you thinking about?" He asks teasingly, scooting towards you slowly before running his palm up and down your skin.
Geez louise...
A smile snakes its way across your lips; you shake your head. "Nothingā¦"
"I don't knowā¦." He taunts, moving even closer so that the already overwhelming smell of his cologne is more flustering. You have half a mind to jump on him and finally get the attention you're craving for, but the smarter half keeps you seated and nervous within his grip. "You seem distracted."
"Not distracted at allā¦." But your eyes drop to his lips once more, studying the ever-growing curve of his grin, and he chuckles before finally removing the distance between the two of you and placing his smile onto your own.
You don't think you'll ever get used to this. Your heart is racing when he moves his lips against yours, scooting even closer as he wraps his arm around your waist. The want within your lower stomach grows stronger, butterflies beating their wings against your sides, and you nearly see stars when you feel his hand travel up to the side of your neck. With a gentle hum, he lays you down onto the couch, slowly and carefully, as if you're made of the finest glass.
Every time Taehyung kisses you, it feels like the two of you are the only people in the worldā¦ as if he was the only man that existed and was solely created to be with you. Every tantalizing move he makes is like a whispered secret, something only the two of you know. Truth be told, if soulmates are realā you're more than certain that you have found yours.
The only problem is that Taehyung never takes it past a certain point. Even now, as he's kissing your neck and running his hands over the sides of your stomach, you can tell that he's holding back from truly letting go. Veiny hands ghost over the bottom of your shirt, obviously itching to take it off of you, but he keeps still and settles for playing with the edges as he grinds down onto you. You've tried to say something like "it's okay" or "you can keep going," ā but he refuses to do so, saying that he "wants to do it right." Which utterly confuses you.
Is this not right for him? It feels right for you.
You partly wonder if he's never done this before, and maybe he's simply too nervousā¦ yet every move he makes seems so natural for him. As if he's done this before. As if a barrier is in place between what he truly wantsā and honestly, you would bulldoze straight through it if you could.
You don't want to break his boundaries, though, so you're fine with just kissing him for now.
And so you do.
----
December 11th
It's getting even colder now in the city, almost too cold for your liking, and you're typically one to enjoy it. You enjoyed the feeling of walking in the snowfall, almost like a princess in a fairytale movie with white snowflakes falling around your moving figure. You enjoyed snowball fights with Jimin in central park and warming up inside a neighboring cafe with Taehyung so that you could complain about how much better tasting the Academia Cafes coffee was. But this cold was getting ridiculous.
People are whisking quickly past the cafe's foggy windows, frost clinging to its surface. The passersby are most likely on their journey toward home amongst the freezing temperatures, wearing irritable looks on their faces. At this point, you're wondering if you should just hail a cab back home instead of walking to the subway a mere block away.
At least you weren't alone.
Taehyung is seated on a neighboring barstool, his coffee-colored eyes stealing your attention as they scan the screen of his laptop. He's been working on final touch-ups like a dead man walking. You admire his perseverance to make it even more perfect than it already isā¦ which to you is practically impossible, seeing as the painting looks like it was literally painted by God. Taehyung claimed that it "wasn't quite there yet" much to your surprise.
Still, you couldn't blame him for wanting to continue working on an already completed piece. You're one to continuously work on a musical theatre song, then film it two thousand times until you finally get the worthy enough take. This is probably the same situation.
You're grateful for his companyā¦ and he's been around you nearly every day since the night you kissed. Which was nothing to complain about. In fact, it made you feel safe and wanted, which is something you haven't felt in a very, very long time. He wants to pour all of his time into being with you, and sometimes, he looks at you in such a wayā¦ a way that makes your heart jump into your throat and your head fog up, and your vision blur. A look of longing. A glimpse ofā¦ misery? He looks at you like you'll disappear at any moment. It's unlike anything you've ever seen.
The soft humming of the speaker, which is seated proudly on the bar, distracts you from focusing too much on the artist in the room. The broom in your hand is also a good reminder of what you should be doing, rather than harping on him. Soon you're swaying, rhythmically sweeping to the tune of "You Matter To Me" from Waitress the musical.
You nearly forget that you're not alone when you spin around slowly, dipping lower to free a bit of pastry from beneath a chair leg. Seriously, why do people not clean up after themselves when they drop food? It's not that hard to bend over and pick it up. The trash can is literally a meter away, and these people still have the audacity to leave their food on the ground. Through your muddled thinking, you feel hands wrap around your waist before you have the chance to whisk the arrogant food into the pan. The hands are warm yet still cause you to lurch slightly as a gasp leaves your lips.
"Woahā easy." Taehyung laughs (you love his laugh), lowering his head to gently rest his chin atop your shoulder.
"You scared me." You act as if you're unamused, but you're obviously leaning back into his embrace to soak him in just a little bit further. He apologizes quietly, swaying in time with the music. Your eyes flutter closed. No matter how cliche it sounds, every moment with him is like a musical theatre scene. So perfect, so scripted-- and yet it's not scripted, so Taehyung must be a genius at making you swoon.
"Come out of hiding; I'm right here beside youā¦." The speaker sings.
Taehyung is quick to remove the broom from behind you and set it against a nearby table. The close proximity of his body against yours is magical, and it takes no effort from him to lift your linked hands and spin you away from him. His movements are smooth, and you have half a mind to ask him if he dances at allā but when he pulls you back in, you're unable to utter any words when your nose brushes his.
With a massive smile on his faceā and you mean massive because this boy is totally patting himself on the back for aforementioned smoothnessā he reaches forward to hold your waist. Within moments, he's swaying with you softly and holding you in a way that makes your stomach churn slightlyā¦
He's going to be the death of you.
----
December 12th
You donāt see Taehyung today.
No matter how badly he wanted to hang out with you (which he made very clear when he called you in a tizzy), duty called at the theatre, and Taehyung was forced to be there early this morning.
Despite not being with you in the flesh, youāre almost embarrassed to admit that he is literally all youāve been able to think about today. You wonder what heās up toā¦ what they have him working on. You wonder what heās wearingā maybe the coat he bought with you at that old consignment store, the black one that made him look like a businessman and had you weak in the knees.
Still, looking past the fact that heās ingrained into your thoughts, you continue with your day: doing laundry, cooking lunch to bring to Jimin, whoās working busily at the cafe, and shopping around for some decor for your apartment.
Even Jimin decided to give you a hard time when you checked the cafe for the familiar dark-headed artist.
āThis is what they call the honeymoon phase.ā Jimin coos, handing you a warm caramel latte with a smirk. When will the day come when Jimin doesnāt tease you over something you have absolutely no control over? That is a question for the ages. And he has the time of his life doing soā¦ judging by the ever-growing smirk on his face when the blush sinks deep into your cheeks.
Jimin mightāve been right.
Even folding your laundry reminded you of him. Reminded you of the night he took you to the laundromat to pick up your clothes and helped you fold them. Lucky you, it was just jeans and t-shirtsā¦ if Taehyung had seen anything else, you think you wouldāve crawled into one of those laundry machines and tried to spin yourself out of your misery.
It was almost embarrassing how much you missed him.
You shouldnāt be feeling this way when the two of you literally just connected in a romantic way, should you? You shouldnāt feel like youāve known him all your life when you had barely even begun your relationshipā¦
It was weird and sudden-- yet so familiar.
----
December 13th
The last thing you were expecting this morning was a phone call from Taehyung, bright and early, lighting upon your face as soon as the clock hits nine in the morning. If it were anybody else, you probably would've thrown your phone across the room and dove back into the dreamy state you had been awoken from-- but this was Taehyung, so the only thing you were throwing was yourself towards the alerting device.
"Hello?" You voice groggily, clearing your throat as you wince at the rude reminder that you literally just woke up.
"Wow, good morning." Taehyung chuckles over the line, and you're pretty close to punching him through the phone for making fun of you, but the sweet sound of his laugh distracts you. "Did you just wake up?"
"... Maybe."
"Ahhh, and here I thought you were a morning person! Guess I was wrong." You can hear the smirk in his voice. A faint sound of cars honking is heard in the background, diverting you from your feigned annoyance... Was he out of the house this early? Bless his soul.
"Where are you?" You question, finally propping yourself up against your headboard.
"Out and about running some errands." You can hear his footsteps across the snow, quiet crunching in the background playing like a soothing lullaby, nearly lulling you back to sleep. "We have plans today."
And suddenly, you're wide awake.
"We?"
"You and me." He explains.
A smile grows onto your face as you play with your duvet bedding, containing the relieved sigh at the thought of seeing him again. Even now, your brain revolves around him in the most pathetic wayā¦ but you don't mind that much.
At your hesitation, Taehyung breaks the silence once more.
"Are you busy?" He questions anxiously, his frozen footsteps faltering over the line like a sad child who was denied hot chocolate. You can hear the pout in his voice, and it nearly makes you laughā¦ the desperation seems mutual. "That's totally okay if you are... I just thought we could go on an official date today."
You hide your smile behind your hand and collect yourself enough to respond, feigning nonchalance. "The other days haven't been dates?"
"ā¦ They weren't official. This is official." He states, the creaking of a door in the background piquing your interest in what he has plannedā¦ Did all his running around and preparation have to do with your date today? What is he planning? "We can do it another day ifā"
You jolt up. "No! Noā mm, no. I was just joking around."
"Good," he responds, the smile and childlike excitement fully evident in his voice. Honestly, you can't remember the last time someone was this excited to see youā¦ and it wraps around your heart like a heated blanket. "Get ready! I'll pick you up at two!"
You're really not a fan of heights. Actually, scratch that; you've never been a fan of heights. The last time you can remember being high above the ground was back in middle school when you climbed a reasonably small mountain during a field trip, and you nearly blacked out when they took you to the final overlook. You couldn't imagine people willingly coming this far above the ground to marvel at the views, seeing as the views nearly made you sick to your stomach.
Maybe it's because Taehyungs with you that you agree to visit the Summit One Vanderbilt. It towers over the city at an appalling height of 1,401 feet tallā and they expect you to enjoy the views. Truth be told, you were definitely not enjoying the view as you stood and stared up at the building from the sidewalk, the lump in your throat threatening to eat you alive. You're basically the filet mignon on the menu.
Again, maybe it's because Taehyung is with you that you agree to go. Maybe it's because you didn't want to embarrass yourself in front of him by being a total chicken and backing out of his request. Which, much to your disappointment (mostly in yourself), is obviously not working when you cling to his jacket through your thick glovesā scooting the tiniest bit closer to him in the already cramped elevator. Right at this moment, you're praying not only to live but also for your will to live. If you turn even the tiniest bit, you'd be able to see the elevator view going up and up and upā continuously moving like a flowing river even though you wish with every ounce of your being to reach the top already.
"You're doing great." Taehyung whispers, an evident smile in his voice as he wraps an arm around you and pulls you into his neckline. He's holding your head to hide you from glancing at the heightā and you know that your cover is blown.
"Not really fond of heights.ā You voice quietly, muffled words spoken into the jacket gracing his shoulders, embarrassed to even admit it when you've already come this far. No way you're backing out now.
Still, Taehyung holds you tighter, and you can feel him suppressing a laugh before he whispers gently, the faintest wind from his voice blowing a speck of your fear away.
"I know."
You have to give Taehyung credit for his efforts. He's slowly guiding you out of the elevator when the damned thing finally decides to stop rising into the clouds. Your eyes are still frozen shut in fear, but the warm palms around your shoulders are keeping you groundedā¦ but not actually grounded because you're thousands of feet in the sky.
Stop reminding yourself that you're thousands of feet in the sky!
The farther he takes you, the more curious you getā but despite this fact, your eyes still refuse to open. The view must be horrifying.
"Okay, gotta be careful here cause there's a huge hole in the floor." Taehyung voices quietly, his hands gripping onto you. "Just take a laaarge step; it'll be fine."
And that's when your eyes suddenly fly open; your need to be in control of the current situation is sullying your stubbornnessā cause no way in hell are you letting Taehyung lead you over a cliff. Not that you think he would lead you off purposefully, but accidents happen! You shriek aloud, faltering backward into his chest and away from the aforementioned holeā¦ which seems to not exist. Your face is staring back at you through the glass floors, which are completely flawless in design. And that's when you see Taehyung's body shaking behind you in silent laughter.
It takes a moment for your heart to beat again, but as soon as you've regained some of your sanity, you elbow him in the gut. "That is not funny!" You whine, shoving his hands off of your shoulders when he finally lets out a peal of laughter.
And that's when you look up.
Holyā okay, this is high up.
The room is an echo of mirrors and glass windows, making you slightly dizzy as you glance around the room at different versions of yourself and a view unlike anything you've ever seen. At the very top of the city, towering over the hundreds of buildings and thousands of people that are probably whisking away along the streets, you feel like a tiny ant. A tiny, little ant that keeps getting stepped onā¦ but nonetheless finds the solace of a crevice. A crevice to hide in. A hand to hold.
And he's looking at you fondly as you marvel at the viewā¦ partly scared and partly in awe. He's looking at you and not the view in front of himā¦ as if this is something he gets to see every day, which you know is not the truth. When you meet his coffee-brown eyes, they hold something within themā¦ something that whispers the softest of I love yous. Something that makes your insides turn out. Something that feels so familiarā and it only takes you a moment to break eye contact out of fear of awkwardness.
Nonetheless, you can still feel his eyes on you.
"From up here, the difficulties we face seem so minuscule, don't they?" He questions, finally turning his attention towards a flock of birds flying across the sky.
You hum in agreement.
The Rockefeller Center is lit up in bright Christmas lights, the snow that softly descends above you dancing within its fluorescence like ballerinas on the stage. At any other time, you would be in awe by the colors around you and watching the light show unfoldā¦ butā¦
"Good! Now, glide, Taehyung. On the ice. Let's go."
To you, it seemed as if Taehyung was good at everything. He was handsome, talented, kind, funny, and every piece of him reminded you of how lucky you are to have him by your side. But right nowā¦He was embarrassing himself by clinging to the side of the ice rink walls.
Maybe he wasn't good at everything.
"I'm gonna fall." He whines like a toddler, holding out his shaking gloved hand when you ask him to reach for you. You can't help the chuckle that bubbles within your throat, and Taehyung can obviously tell that you're amused with his struggles. "Stop laughing!"
His plea just makes you laugh more, doubling over as you attempt to catch your breath with quiet "sorrys" and "I'll stop, I'll stops," nonetheless continuing to sputter out giggles.
"Come on, Tae. Hold my hand." You say softly, the aching smile on your cheeks never faltering as you see his brows knit in concentration. "I won't let you fall, so grab onto me."
You aren't a pro ice skater either, but you've gone ice skating quite a few times and absolutely adored every single moment of itā especially growing up. Your family had a river that froze over every winter, and there was no wall to cling to there, so naturally, you had to learn pretty quickly.
Taehyung huffs, digging his leg closer to you as he shakily releases one hand from the wall, reaching for your own. You can't help but smile at the notion that he brought you here because you said that you liked ice skating. Even though the poor guy could barely get two feet in the rink.
"You're so close! Come on, a little more." You wheeze, unable to help yourself since he looks like a newly birthed giraffe attempting to eat grass, all long limbs stretched out in heated frustration.
"This is hard." He grunts.
"I believe in you."
"I don't believe in myself, y/n."
"You're so close, Tae. Look how close you are! You're doing great, just un-cling yourself from the wall, please and thank you."
"This is the worst moment of my life."
He looks ridiculousā¦. ridiculously adorable.
When he finally places his gloved hand within yours, you forcefully pull him away from the wall, sending his beautiful face into deep-rooted shock and fear as he holds onto you like a lifeline, attempting to find his footing on the ice as skaters pass the two of you in a flurry. Gotta hand it to him; at least he's off the wall now. Baby steps.
"See," you smile, "you did it." He's glaring at you with snowflake flurries in the dark sea of his hair. His attempt to look angry is squashed by the pure innocence of his appearance. You gently brush them away with your free glove and give him a smile. "You're gonna be a pro-skater in no time."
"You're mean." He whines, but nonetheless, he can't hide the smile on his own face.
Holding Taehyung's hand while you drag him across the ice is most likely the highlight of your dayā seeing as you expected to be the one getting dragged, but now you feel somewhat powerful. With legs as frigid as the ice beneath, he slowly begins to skate in the least proportional way possible. You smile at his efforts. He's doing great.
Well, he was doing great, up until the point where said frigid legs decided to give out and topple you to the iced floor. The two of you convulse with laughter, breathing out into the night air of the ice rink as you stare up at the sky with toothy grins. For a moment, the nearby skaters who have to swerve to not run you over donāt matter. For a moment you can appreciate his company as you feel his gloved hand reach its way towards yours.
Itās only until he shuffles beside you that he breaks your resolve.
āCāmon! Weāll be late!ā He laughs, attempting to stand but ultimately falling back down. When you question what youāre going to be late for, Taehyung merely smiles.
Within an hour, you're sitting from the top of the ice to the front row before a stage, lights dimming gently as Taehyung taps his feet beside you to the pre-show music. You're holding a playbill in your hand, the paper adorned with pink letters that glisten in the faint light of the theatre. "Waitress," they read. Not only did Taehyung dance with you to one of the songs the other night, but he also bought tickets to see said song live.
Youāve been wanting to see Waitress for a long time. You listened to the entire score in a day and were bursting with excitement upon knowing it was returning to Broadwayā but money was tight, thus being the reason why youāve never bought tickets. Now, as you hold tight to the ticket in your hand, you can feel your chest erupting in excitement. Taehyung's proud smile is still gracing his features when you stop to take a picture of the two of you with the playbill.
Oh my gosh, you bet these were expensive.
You shove down your worry, trying to remember how grateful you are to be spending so much time with him (especially time spent in a theatre) before you leave. Until then, you'll be happy to sit beside him as the music chimes, and the show begins.
Sugar.
Sugar, butter.
Sugar, butter, flour.
Within moments you're the little kid within you again, eyes gleaming as they stare at the art taking place on the stageā and you can feel Taehyung's hand slide into yours, ever so gently. You turn to face him, a smile present on your lips, and he's smiling back at you with admiration gracing his eyes. Every time he looks at you, it's as if you're some art piece that he lovesā that sits in an exhibition specifically for him.
For a moment, you think this is the happiest you've ever been.
And then, you see the unwelcoming sight of your apartment door. The wreath that hangs upon the outside does nothing to sully your newfound bad mood. Why do good days have to come to an end? Why can't we live inside of those good days, bundle up and cuddle within its warmth without the cold bite of tomorrow sneaking in?
Why, oh why do you have to leave in three days?
You know the reason whyā¦ and you're excited, absolutely. But the thought of leaving the person whose hand is holding your own is starting to leave a bad taste in your mouth. Why does it feel as if you're never going to see him again when you know you'll see him tomorrow?
Leave it to Taehyung to steal any bad tastes from your mouth and replace it with the sweetness of his kiss. It's gentle and soft, all-encompassing as he runs his gloved hand up and down your back. So comforting. This comfort makes you bold as you deepen the kiss, and pretty soon, Taehyung is slowly backing you up against the door. He takes your lower lip between his teeth.
You know this will only last for a moment; you know that he'll end up saying no; still, you can't help yourself.
"Do you want to come inside?" You ask hesitantly between kisses, key at the ready to open that door and beckon his figure through it. Much to your disappointment, Taehyung pauses. Why is he so against taking another step in your relationship? "I can make us some hot cocoaā¦ maybe a movie or something?"
It's another moment of silence before his shoulders drop along with your heart. "I don't think that would be the best ideaā¦ I mean, I have to prepare for the opening of the theatre tomorrow night, and I think a good night's sleep is needed." Unable to hide his desperation, Taehyung's eyes linger on your door for a touch longer before he removes himself from your embrace. "Big day tomorrow."
"Huge day, yeah." You agree.
And with a small apology and a goodbye kiss, Taehyung's warmth disappears through the doors.
----
December 14th
Honk, honk!
The abruptness of the rather boisterous sound causes your cream heels to pause before crossing the street, cars whizzing past in a flurry of bright yellow taxis and other colors of the rainbow. If it weren't for the sound of the horn, you would've been hit by the cab whose driver seems to be flipping you off as he continues down the street. He's the one who nearly hit you, yet here he was giving you the middle finger?
Classy.
You straighten up your curled hair, taking a deep breath before releasing your cloud into the crisp of the air. The cream-colored dress that hugs at your waist and falls just below your knees is doing nothing to keep you warm, golden sparkles shimmering in the city lights. A trail of golden leaves dance across its surface, gathering at the top so your neckline and shoulders are smothered with leaves. Luckily, the white double-breasted jacket keeps the chill from nipping too harshly.
With the time it takes to cross the road and the harsh winter winds lapping at your exposed legs, you're starting to regret telling Taehyung that he didn't have to pick you up. Who told the weather that it could be this cold? Still, you worm your way through the cars and finally reach the entrance of Kim's Theatre.
It's as beautiful as you remember it being, only now the sparkling golden party decorations add to its glamour. Gold was an exceptional theme choice.
You feel as if you don't belong hereā¦ everyone around you is walking inside in ballgowns and things you'd seen only on the red carpetā outfits you could only dream of affording. They all look beautifulā and now the golden leaf that holds the left side of your hair back and away from your face feels like a childish style choice. Why didn't you choose something more mature? Did you look like a child? Should you go home?
"Ma'am?" The voice that calls your name distracts you for a mere moment. It's the theatre's doorman. "You better come inside. It's only going to get colder!"
It is freezing. And you're not here to worry about your style choice; you're here to support Taehyung. With this change in mindset, you take a deep breath and nod to the awaiting doorman.
Walking through the doors is almost like walking through a fairytale novel; every twinkling light and golden array of decoration is increasing your excitement. The second entrance is decked out with golden and white balloons, strings of silver falling over the door like a hidden entrance to the fairytale world. There are more people inside than outside (which you canāt say youāre surprised about due to the weather), and they stand conversing when you enter. One of them throws you a glance, but immediately delves back into the neighboring conversation. Despite the feeling of not belonging, you're grateful you're here; you're grateful that you're here to support Taehyung; you're grateful that he's looking at you as if you're the star of this night the second you walk into the lobby.
His lips are parted at the sight of you. Maybe pinching yourself would be a good idea because geez Louise, is he handsome. Before tonight, you never really understood the hype of a man in a suit. So what if someone got all dressed up? All suits look the same anyway. But nowā¦ a suit on Taehyung is making you weak in the knees.
"Hey." He says, almost nervously. You can't help but smile.
"Hey." You respond.
His eyes run along the leaves scattered across your neckline and shoulders. He smiles softly. "You look incredible."
And just like that, every doubt that you had while walking into the building disappears through the door and out into the chilly air. It's unwelcome at this party. Especially since Taehyung is looking at you as if you're the best-dressed woman hereā which is totally untrue.
Nonetheless, a quiet "thank you" leaves your lips before he's grasping your hand with his own and leading you to a neighboring group of people.
More men in suits. Nothing compared to Taehyung, but you know who these men are: directors and actors from the theatre world. The nerves within your stomach are starting to grow, and when a waiter passes by with glasses of champagne, you're quick to grab one. You're gonna need some encouragement to get you through this conversation. Plus, champagne is classy! So maybe you'd look more presentable while drinking it.
"Excuse me, Mr. Kim?" Taehyung voices, drawing the attention of the men before you.
A tall, dimpled man in glasses is quick to raise his head, his smile growing at the sight of Taehyung. They must know each other pretty well now, seeing as Taehyung has been here multiple times a week to draw the theatre.
"Kim Namjoon, this is my girlfriend, Y/n Y/l/n."
The room spins for a moment when you hear the word "girlfriend" spill naturally from Taehyung's lips, and you have to mind yourself before your champagne glass can tip over. He's looking at you fondly, unabashed, pulling you slightly in front of him and presenting you to his colleague.
Yet, all you can think is: he just called you his girlfriend. AHH!!
"Y/n, I've heard so much about you." Kim Namjoon smiles warmly, holding his hand out to shake yours. Before he can utter another word, Jimin is quick to intrude himself into the conversation, grabbing Taehyung's attention.
"I am so sorry to interrupt, but there's a couple here who wants to talk about your drawing, Taehyung." He voices, quickly offering you a smileā you can tell that he's holding back from jumping up and down with you at the fact that you're here and with Kim Namjoon. Much to scream about later over hours worth of a phone call. "You'd better go and talk to them."
Taehyung nods before turning to you.
"Will you be alright?"
To be honest, you don't know how to answer that question. You want him to do what he needs to do without worrying about your well-being, but at the same time, you have half a mind that you'll crumble within seconds of being alone with a group of theatre prodigies.
Get it together, Y/n. This is Taehyungs night.
"Of course, go go!" You whisper excitedly, pushing him towards Jimin, who drags him through the crowd and out of your sight. His gaze never leaves yours until he's turning the corner, offering you a small wave and apologetic eyes.
Namjoon breaks the silence. "He's a wonderful artist."
"He's immensely talented." You agree, turning back to the man whose dimpled smile shines brightly on his face. "And a wonderful person, too."
He laughs. "He's also quite the boaster. He never stops talking about how immensely talented you are. I must say, after listening to you sing, I highly agree with him."
You must be pale in the face. "You've heard me sing?"
"Taehyung likes to play videos of you singing while he drawsā it's the only thing he listens to, quite frankly. At least when he's here. He's convinced practically everyone in the theatre to listen to you."
Videos of you singing? Multiple videos? When did Taehyung take videos of you singing? You pause for a moment, taking a glance at your champagne to remind yourself that Kim Namjoon is talking to you, and you should probably answer before it becomes awkward.
He speaks again before you have the chance.
"You have a wonderful voiceā¦ one that should be recognized." He states as a matter of fact, nodding before he takes a sip of champagne.
That's the moment you remember who got you the audition in London in the first placeā¦ the man standing directly in front of you.
"Iā oh my gosh, I can't thank you enough for giving me the opportunity to audition in London." You shake your head, excitement bubbling in your chest. "It's a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, so I sincerely thank you."
Namjoon raises his hand, brushing off your thanks. "No need to thank me. Your talent got you that audition."
"I wouldn't have been able to audition if it weren't for you." You insist.
"I wouldn't have heard you sing if it weren't for Taehyungā so really, you should be thanking him and his love for you. He's very vocal about your talentā¦ and very vocal about wanting you to succeed." Namjoon smiles, taking another sip. Little does he know, your head is spinning at his words.
You should be thanking him and his love for you.
"Y/n!"
With a quick turn of your gaze, the same Taehyung who's occupying your thoughts is making his way across the lobby and grabbing onto your hand. His words are almost a blur to youā you can barely think straight.
"Sorry to interrupt," he apologizes, offering Namjoon a smile. "Do you mind if I steal her from you?"
Taehyung stands beside you in front of his drawing while holding your hand. Onlookers pass by with pleased expressions, studying his art before carrying on with their journey around the theatre. The room smells of champagne and vanilla, with a mix of the woodsy cologne that is sunk into the lapels of Taehyung's suit. Your head is still spinning from the previous conversation with the theater owner, and his scent does nothing to calm you downā¦
Did Taehyung tell Namjoon that he loves you?
Taehyung must not notice your inner overthinking, too busy conversing with guests and talking about his work. It's only until you hear your name brought up in a conversation that you come back to reality.
"Y/n is an incredible singer. No doubt she'll be on this stage soon!" Taehyung expresses confidently, giving your hand a squeeze.
"You'll have to make her sing for us someday soon!" A woman in her thirties responds, casting you a glance with a gentle smile. "We'd love to hear your voice!"
You smile in return with a quick "thank you," a hint of bashfulness sneaking its way into your bones. It was one thing for Taehyung to talk about youā but truth be told, the last thing you wanted to do was talk about yourself. Taehyung made it look easy, seeing as he brought your voice up in conversations with nearly every guest who stopped to admire his work.
It wasn't until everyone was asked to be seated that he finally halts his boasting and walks you towards your seats. Front row seats. Center stage. The red curtain hides the magic beyond, staring at you in the face and making your excitement rise.
Within minutes, the theatre is open and a symphony is playing a medley of all different art pieces in theatre. Wicked, Phantom of the Opera, Guys and Dolls, My Fair Lady, and even mixing in modern works such as Hadestown, Dear Evan Hansen, and more. Every time you'd sit up straighter at the sound of a familiar tune, Taehyung would steal a glance at you. He's running his thumb along the skin of your hand.
The night is magical, yes, but it's nothing compared to the magic that is seated beside you. Which sounds cliche- extremely cliche,you realize - but it couldn't be more true.
Your feet hurt. Damn those cream heels. Taehyung had offered to take a cab with you back home, just to make sure you got in okayā but you insisted that you walk. You didn't want him spending money on you and truth be told, the theatre wasn't too far, so you weren't about to spend money on a cab either.
This night was everything you dreamed it would be. The music is still thrumming in your bones and it's almost as if you can still hear the violins singing in your ears. You're so proud of Taehyung and his accomplishments, he deserved this. He earned the recognition. He deserves to be happyā¦ and judging by the toothy grin on his face, you would assume that the night was everything he dreamed it would be as well.
"Thank you for coming with me," Taehyung speaks into the night. You don't know why he's thanking you, seeing as he was the one who invited you to a party filled with people you've dreamed of meeting for years. Younger you who played Little Red Riding Hood in Into The Woods used to daydream about a night like thisā a night filled with sparkly lights and surrounded by people you looked up to. The only thing missing was your favorite Broadway actor, Jeremy Jordan, kissing you on the cheek and confessing his love for youā¦
You could care less about Jeremy now.
"I wouldn't have missed it for the world." You smile, dipping to slide your smaller hand into his.
It's quiet for a moment, the two of you lost in thought as you make your way down, avoiding tourists who ooh and ahh at the Gershwin Theatre nearby. Finally, Taehyung breaks the comfortable silence.
"What time are you leaving for the airport tomorrow?" Something in his voice sounds like he doesn't want to hear your answer.
"Eight in the morning." You respond, your own tone of disappointment seeping through.
He clears his throat, turning his eyes to see someone walking up to their apartment building. His hand feels colder. His breathing is kind of uneven. For a second, you think he might be on the verge of a panic attack before he asks something unexpected.
"Can you go another day?"
You smile at the notion that he doesn't want you gone just yet, squeezing his hand tightly in your excitement-
"Like maybe you can catch a flight tonight? I can drive you there right now."
Oh.
Now you're confused.
With your sudden silence, Taehyung turns his head in your direction. You're staring straight forward, gathering the thoughts that he sent running across the city. If he doesn't want you to stay, why would he mention changing the flight date? Why would he want you to leave sooner? This makes no sense.
Is he not happy with you? Did you do something tonight that bothered him?
"Y/n." He cuts off your ragged thoughts. "If I could convince you to stay, I wouldā¦ but I know this is your dream, and I want you to chase it." His eyes are glossy, the lights of the city reflecting in the coffee brown hues. He continues, his voice is shaking slightly (must be because of the cold). "But I think there's gonna be some bad weather tomorrow and maybe tonight would be aā¦ safer bet?"
Bad weather? You didn't see anything on the radar? You've been checking the news often to ensure this flight wouldn't get delayed. You're already a worrywart when it comes to flying, so of course you would make sure that nothing would make you attempt to crawl out of the aircraft. You don't remember hearing anything about disruptive weather.
"I've been up to date with the news, though - I haven't heard anything about the weather?"
Still, you pull out your golden-cased phone (because of course you had to buy a case for the occasion) and check the weather. Clear skies. Which you show to Taehyung, but he seems unconvinced.
"I justā heard something, I don't know."
He's acting weird.
"Is something wrong?" You question softly, halting your footprints from butchering the snow's crystallized surface. Taehyung stops for a moment, unable to turn his gaze to you. The cloud that proves that he's breathing pauses, then continues, then pauses again. Was something actually wrong? Over the course of your relationship, you've found that you're extremely good at reading peopleā¦ or is it that Taehyung just sucks at hiding his feelings?
Finally, he turns to you, a smile present on his face as he shakes his headā you try to stop your brain from realizing how ethereal he looks; now is not the time.
"Nothings wrong. I just want to make sure you're safe."
He's lying. You know it, but nonetheless, you don't question him further, pressing a hesitant kiss on his cheek to reassure yourself.
----
December 15th
With the last pair of socks (reindeer socks) stuffed deeply into your suitcase pocket, making you question if you would be able to close this thing, you finally finish packing for London. If you were excited last night, it's nothing compared to right now. Your heart has been doing backflips, unable to control your overwhelming elation and flooded thoughts. Your life is going to change tomorrow. You're auditioning for a West End production. Even though you know this is true, you still feel as if you're dreaming.
You would be lying if you said that you weren't sad to leave Taehyungā¦ not being able to see him every day was not going to feel good, especially since you finally got over yourselves and outwardly confessed your feelings. It was going to be weird not having him there with you. Taehyung hasn't texted you since last night, which is unlike himā¦ and you're trying so hard not to let it get to you. Especially since you already have enough to worry about. Still, you kind of hoped he would bring you to the airport to say goodbye.
Before you let it ruin your mood, you stuff yet another pair of socks into the overflowing suitcase before deciding that you're actually done. You could never have enough socks anyway.
Wheeling your suitcase toward the door, you turn to look back into your quiet and small apartment. The mustard yellow couch (which you thought would look extremely ugly but ended up being the best furniture choice in your entire apartment) sits vacantly, magazines rest on your kitchen counter, and the plant that Jimin had gifted to you last night once the opening was over stands proudly in the windowsill.
You remember the way Jimin bounced in front of you with the unwrapped present, explaining that the yellow color of the flowers meant āsuccessā with an unbeatable sense of pride. You're going to miss everything about being in New York.
It's only a month. You'll be okay.
Taehyung's voice greets your thoughts; a memory from last night when he dropped you off at your door pops into your head.
"You're going to do amazing thingsā¦." He had said, a warm smile sitting on those lips you already missed. "And you're going to see me sitting in the front row at your first Broadway showā¦ I promise."
You smile gently at the memory, remembering the feeling of his lips on yours before you pushed him down the hallway and out the door. He would've stayed on your doorstep all night if you hadn't.
With newfound confidence, you reach for the door handle and open the door.
And suddenly you're frozen, suitcase in hand.
Hazy, red-rimmed watery brown eyes are staring back at you, a shaking fist elevated as if he was going to knock on your door at any given moment. Taehyung is wearing the same suit he wore to the opening yesterday, his hair mussed up as he studies your concerned expression.
Did heā¦ Did he not leave last night?
"Taehyung, what are you-"
"Don't go."
Your eyes skim up, glancing into his. They're wide, you noticeā¦ almost desperate. The more you stare, the more you realize just how red they are, shaking with the quivering of his lips. You swear you can hear your heart breakingā¦
"What's going on? Is everything okay?" You question.
Taehyung shakes his head slowly, releasing a deep breath that you think he's been holding all night. Honestly, you're starting to get a little freaked outā¦ Did something happen when he tried to go home last night? Is he breaking up with you? Oh gosh, maybe he is breaking up with yā
"Please don't go." He repeats.
You study his eyes, trying to see if they're speaking words more than his mouth isā¦ all you can see is deep-rooted fear and desperation. You're confused.
"What? What do you mean?"
"Justā please, do not get on that plane and just stay here for another few days." His voice is hushed as he's moving his way through your doorway and gently stealing your suitcase from within your hand.
Despite the tears that hug at his lash line, you can't help but feel the tiniest bit of amusement at his babbling. You know you're going to miss him while you're goneā¦ but-
"Are you gonna miss me that much?" You smile, sinking closer to him as you place your hands on his shoulders. "Do you like me that much?"
You wish you could say that he's smiling back at you, but truth be told, this is the most serious expression you've seen on his beautiful face.
He's quick to respond. "This isn't about thatā¦." He's also quick to remove your hands from his shoulders, backing you farther away from the door and towards the couch. He looks even more terrified in close proximity and itās easy to register the beating of his heart, fast and heavy, between your linked hands.
Something is seriously wrong.
"What's going on?" You question hesitantly, your smile vanishing from your face.
"Just don't go, okay? You have to trust me on this." He begs with a choked up voice, glancing at your bag before removing it from your shoulder with now quick and frazzled hands. Stopping him before he can remove it completely, you grab the sides of his face.
"Hey, heyā stop. You have to tell me what's going on." You speak firmly. That's the moment you feel your heart drop to the floor... because his body is shaking hard between your palms. It nearly has you dropping everything and obeying his every pleaā¦ but your stubbornness is quick to step in. "I'm gonna be late for my flight, Tae. I've got to- "
He cuts you off. "I just don't think this is a good idea. It probably won't turn out the way that you want it to."
You're dumbfounded. Is he saying you're not gonna make it?
"Wha-" You laugh humorlessly, letting your bag drop to the crook of your elbow. "What?"
"Maybe it's just better to stay here."
The one person who's been rooting for you this entire time is suddenly deciding to take back everything he said?
"You've been pushing me since the moment we met to follow my dreams, and now you're telling me that it probably won't work out?" You scoff, eyebrows cinching in confusion.
He winces openly, his eyes squeezing shut. "I- No. That's not what I'm sayingā"
"Then what are you saying exactly?"
The volume of your voice is getting louder, obviously catching Taehyung off guard since he pauses for a moment with nervous eyes, mouth hanging open. You donāt know what heās trying to get out of this, but the desperation on his face is prominent as a single tear falls down his cheek.
Don't give in, Y/n. He's being an asshole.
"I just think it's smarter to stay here." He repeats.
And for you, that's not good enough. You're quick to pick your stuff up, hoisting your bag back onto your shoulder as you move Taehyung backward towards the door. Heās attempting to stop you, but the suitcase greets your hands once he's in the doorway. No way in hell were you not going. What is he even on about? Why is he being like this?
"Why are you being like this?"
"I'm trying to protect you." You try to ignore the tears in his eyes as he stares at you hopelessly, his hands attempting to reach for your suitcase before you roll it away from his pursuit with a scoff.
"Taehyung." You say shortly. "Move."
Yet when you try to move past him, he doesn't budge an inch, and he's gripping onto the sides of the doorway like a traffic barricade. Preventing you from dangers that probably don't exist. Your patience is wearing thin.
"Move."
Nothing.
"Move!"
He cracks. "Noā No! I can't lose you again!"
This has your stubbornness wavering. You can't remember the last time you saw someone so worked upā¦ so scared. Still, his comment throws you.
"What do you mean again?" You question, confusion tugging at your facial features when Taehyung goes completely silent.
He's staring at you. Standing still. Staring at you in a way that takes you back to the first day you met him at the cafe. The day he looked like he saw a ghost. The day you were scared of him and thought he was some kind of insane personā¦ But now? Now, he's genuinely crumbling. Now he looks like a lost child asking for help, begging to find his home again.
That's when he breaks down.
With his arms reaching around you, pulling you into his chest, Taehyung releases a quiet cry. A sound you never wanted to hear. His whole body is shaking, quivering in your hold as you attempt to soothe him with a hesitant hand on his back. Still, he's clinging to you like a lifeline, gripping onto every last fragment of you that he can.
It's even becoming difficult to breathe.
"Pleaseā¦" He cries. "Please don't go."
"Taeā¦" You speak softly, unable to focus on the time when he's crying harshly into your jacket-covered shoulder. Heās not just crying over you leaving. No, this is something more. "What the hell is going on?"
He removes himself, tears streaming down his face as he holds you by your shoulders. It takes everything in you not to bring him back into the hugā¦ to dry his tears and tell him that everything's going to be okay. Now, you're not so sure.
"Listen," he sniffs, "I have no clue what's going on. I've been so confused since I saw you in the cafe again. That wasnāt the first time I met you and all I know is that you can't get on that plane because it will crash and you will die, so I need you to just stay here for a couple more days, please."
The plane will crash? You'll die? Your confusion only doubles as you try to remain calm; you don't want to call him a liarā but this is so unrealistic that it nearly makes you laugh out loud. Does he think you're stupid? Naive?
"How the hell would you know?" You question.
He pauses, the nervous habit of licking his lower lip returning. You're confused, angry, annoyed, and concerned all at once-- and here he is, being quiet as a mouse, unable to utter the explanation you so desperately want to hear.
"Taehyung-"
"Because I've lived this day before." He blurts.
Now you're quiet, your mind completely jumbled as you try to understand the words coming out of his mouth. Everything he's saying is making no senseā¦ Nonetheless, he continues.
"I don't know how but Iā" He shakes his head, red-rimmed eyes falling to the floor. "God, I'm living this nightmare all over again."
Confusion is an understatement.
"What are you saying?" You ask.
"Y/nā¦" He's now looking at you, his lips trembling as he attempts to catch his breath. It's as if everything he's been holding back from saying is nipping at the back of his teeth, hounding its way to his lips, and trying to escape through his mouth.
And then, he lets go.
"Iām a time traveler."
next chapter (coming soonā¦)
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