#i need to make a joke out of it or else i will combust
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songsofadelaide · 4 months ago
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Hello, friends and sweet things. 💛 I just wanted to say a huge thanks again for all the love and support my fics have been receiving. I am truly grateful for each and every little like, reblog, and comment you leave on my work, whether it's the older or the newer ones. 💕✨
As I mentioned in my previous posts, I just quit my job! I've had this job for the last six years and I felt like I needed a push in a new direction... I'm actually quite privileged to be able to take a break from work before I jump back into the job hunt! But alas, I'll have to start searching for a new place to earn money because a wedding isn't gonna pay for itself, or so my boyfriend said lol. 😂
I'll be taking a short break from writing, but I'll probably be around reblogging stuff between my job searching and life in general. I hope I find one that both pays well and suits me— and allows me the time to dabble in my fic writing because this is one of the things that brings me a lot of joy, and to you, too, I can only hope. 🤍
Requests remain closed, but my inbox is always open for any messages you may have for me. 💛
Thank you so much again for all your kind and lovely words. I'll see you all on the other end of this job search! ✨
Much love, Mari 💛
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omotelie · 2 months ago
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WHERE’S MY FUKING CAPO
#my post#funny#relatable#guitar#music#bjork#wait you can only have 30 tags the joke is much less funny if i don’t have a fucking wall of the stuff i guess i’ll just make this one reall#and 140 characters per tag this is stifling my creativity meh i was running out of popular tags anyway bjork’s not that popular of a tag tho#tbh i was running out of inspiration after like the 4 tag this joke was not meant to be at least not by my hand and i guess it wasn’t that f#unny either i cooled down real fast on that one you know what i’m pivoting this is no longer popular tags just my train of thought for as lo#ng as i feel like it the first few one might not even make sense when i’m done but who cares not me clearly it is quite annoying how i can’t#use commas tho make’s this harder to read than it needs to any way i lost my capo for like the third time my desk isn’t even that messy but#don’t know where else i would’ve put it it’s not lying on any of my instruments either i probably put it quote somewhere i would remember un#quote but clearly i didn’t i’m usually very good at remembering where i put things put the capo is the zone in between i use this often and#i use this every other year so i never remember where it is stored it is 1 am so i guess i’m going to bed soon anyway but still this is goin#g to annoy me until tomorrow i don’t even need it right i’ve had to remove so many tags the original joke barely makes sense anymore i’m kee#ping bjork tho you can pry her out of my cold dead hands not that i really listen to her music or know her i just like saying her name i’ts#got good mouth feel and it’s fun to spell i didn’t realize how long filling 30 tags would be what’s 140 times 30 let me look it up 4200 this#makes this post my biggest project by like 3000 words the only time i’ve written any meaningful lengths of texts was in college and i’m a dr#opout what 4200 characters not words silly little me makes a lot more sense now that i think about it i’m getting tired of writing so this m#ay end soon i would like to not go to bed at 4 am for a silly little post 2 people are going to read plus i am running out of ideas of thing#s to write i am very much not a writer writing scares me even writing lyrics for songs terrifies me i’ve only manage to write lyrics for one#without getting too self conscious and imploding but i’m better at writing songs with vocals i’ve never had anyone to write music with and w#ithout the ability to sing or write lyrics it’s been difficult the singing has been more or less remedied with synth v but the puter can’t w#rite lyrics for meso until i get a lyricist friend i will have to toughen up you can’t make art without making yourself known to those who c#onsume it but lyrics and poetry has always been 1 step too far for me tbh i’d rather spontaneously combust rather than let people know me i#do not look at my very numerous in stars and time posts and reblogs they are completely unrelated to this don’t think about it oh look behin#d you there’s a distraction oh you’ve missed it i have been writing this for half an hour and i am getting so sick of it i revealed informat#ion about the inner machinations of my mind i have not done this since last time i saw a therapist 5 years ago this is fucked up what a self#impose writing challenge can do to you luckily this is the last tag i’m doing lucky me well this was fun this is going to end suddenly so do
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cxffecoupx · 5 months ago
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cheol as a girl dad
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girl dad! seungcheol fluff, a little smut (i tried) warnings: reader has a womb (obviously), mentions of pregnancy, body insecurity, sex (only a little) word count: 747 author's note: a little late but I had to do it for daddy cheol😔✊ very self-indulgent, not proof-read, made very hastily cause again, daddy cheol😔✊ hope you enjoy!! do lemme know what you think of it :) check out 'cheol as a boy dad' here.
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girl dad! cheol who absolutely melts in the hospital room when he sees his baby girl. who combusts into a puddle when he gets to hold his beloved baby in his arms. who pats your head and kisses you in your tired, exhausted, post-delivery state, murmuring how proud he is of you and how thankful he is that you gave him his most precious baby.
girl dad! cheol who whenever she cries at night, calmly tells you to go back to sleep and rushes over. you think he's allowing you your rest, and while that's true, it's mostly cause he gets to spend more time with his baby.
girl dad! cheol who spends so much time with his baby, it's concerning. you end up wondering if you even exist, but the simple truth is he just can't get enough of his babygirl.
girl dad! cheol who you find making out with you at the most random of times. when you're in the kitchen, cooking dinner. when you're working from home. when you're folding your baby's clothes. you both end up all over yourselves, he's kissing every inch of your body. the same body you cried over during and after your pregnancy. the same body you'd end up being so insecure about, about the belly, the extra fat, the breasts and hips, the stretch marks and the mood swings.
he kisses you to make up for all the time you couldn't because you both were taking care of your beloved baby. he kisses you to let you know how much he still loves you. he kisses you to tell you how he still finds you attractive, even with the stretch marks and extra fat and the lot. he kisses you, and you feel every emotion and every message of his that's being communicated silently yet surely.
girl dad! cheol who loves and hates it when his little babygirl starts to grow. watching his daughter start crawling, then standing and later walking, it suddenly dawns on him that she's growing up fast and isn't his baby anymore. that doesn't stop him from smothering all his love though.
girl dad! cheol who loves loves LOVES to tie your child's hair in ribbons and dress her up in cute dresses and make her wear sparkly shoes. who accidentally ends up taking away from you the joy of dressing up your child, but you don't mind as long as you get to watch them giggling and joking during those times.
girl dad! cheol who comes up to you at the most randomest of days and continues to thank you for bringing into this world someone who he cherishes so much. and although he apologises for not spending as much time with you, he promises to make sure you realise that there's no one else he'd rather do all this with.
girl dad! cheol who cries when your daughter has to go to school for the first time. probably more than the girl herself. you end up having to kiss his pout away. whether things escalate from there is upto how he feels at the moment.
girl dad! cheol who fucks you dumb some nights, a desparate need to put another baby in you. he moans stupidly about how proud he is of your first pregnancy and how he'd love to see another one too. you definitely don't mind cause the sex is obviously too good.
girl dad! cheol who swears he heard his heart shatter when his babygirl tells him about her crush. sure he understands, but to realise that she now has another man in his life??? he's speechless (and dramatic).
but he's also the one who loves to hear the little tidbits and gossips about her school, and who gets giddy along with her when she tells him how her crush finally noticed her. he's also the one who buys a tub of icecream in the middle of the night, when she's heartbroken. her best friend and her protector, all in one.
girl dad! cheol who's happy whenever he thinks about his two favourite girls. who's thankful for all that him and you went through, and for his little bundle of joy, who made him a thousand times happier, if that was even possible. who's forever proud of you for your struggles and of your daughter for basically everything. who realises with every father's day wish by his daughter and his partner that he wouldn't have this any other way.
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i-cant-sing · 2 months ago
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Time Traveller AU part 12
Part 1 is here. Part 2 is here. Part 3 is here. Part 4 is here. Part 5 is here. Part 6 is here. Part 7 is here. Part 8 is here. Part 9 is here. Part 10 is here. Part 11 is here. Time Traveller au masterlist is here. Check out my MASTERLIST for more!
You and Silas stared at each other.
"What do you mean "okay"?"
You nod. "Okay, I'll marry you."
He looked at you suspiciously. "Why?"
"Why not?"
"That is not an answer." He frowned, making you sigh as you turned your body to face him completely. "Look, you're going to pay me anyways right?" He nodded. "So, I need the money, and well... lets just say I have nothing else left to lose. Maybe I'm just bored."
Bored? More like pissed at the universe and I will not let it beat me to the ground anymore. I wont go out without causing chaos and maybe if someone tries to kill me again, I will perhaps consider disrupting the historical timeline to make the universe itself combust and unravel. If I'm suffering, I'm taking the universe along!
Silas gave you an incredulous look, before shrugging in defeat. "Very well, then."
"Wait-" You stop him from getting up. "Why did you choose me? Actually, why do you need a wife?"
He rolled his eyes, standing up, you following along. "Come on, Silas. Tell me. Is it cause I'm pretty? Smart-"
"You dressed as a man."
What?
"What?"
He looked down at you. "What? You didnt think I'd spot you in that poor disguise at the newspaper office that day?"
Silas saw me that day? He recognised me?
"How did you even-" He scoffed. "I'm intelligent. And I have eyes. I notice everyone and everything." He turned around and began walking away.
"Wait!" You ran after him. "That still doesnt answer my question! You're marrying me because I dressed like a man? What- you're attracted by that-"
"Stop talking." Silas cut you off abruptly. "I chose you because you work at the newspaper, not because you're a man."
"Oh. So you need someone to write out articles singing your praises?Cant you just pay someone to do that?"
He rolled his eyes. "No. I dont need someone to sing my praises. I need you to be the mole there. I want you to report everything that happens at the paper, specifically about the murders thats been on going these days."
Murders? Murders-
"The White Chapel murders?" He nodded. "I need the papers to focus on them, not on me or who I am marrying. I need them to put the pressure on the cops to catch that sick bastard! Not idolise him with that stupid alias-"
"Jack the Ripper." You finish for him. He breathes heavily, anger radiating off him. "Yes, that. Because its only causing people to either admire him for killing off those prostitutes or fear him, letting the idea of them terrorise them!"
"I see. But... why do you need to get married to me for that? I mean, if you pay me, I could just report to you everything from there, including his letters."
Silas looked at you in slight annoyance, as if mad that you couldnt figure out his motives.
"The papers are focusing on me and my marriage. If I get married, the news will only run for a week or two before diverting their attention to the papers. And before you ask why I'm marrying you specifically instead of someone much better suited to my tastes-" okay, not gonna take that insult to heart. "- I told you, you work at the paper, which means you'll report everything to me. And if I were to marry someone more influential, the papers will continue to write about us for longer. But you? You're a nobody- believe me, I checked. You have no family, dont come from nobility, so no one will talk about you. "
Great. "Wow, you do know how to flatter a woman."
Silas smirked. "Trust me, "a woman" would be flattered-" You shot him a glare before he could finish off his joke.
-
Silas and you got married later that night. He arranged an out-of-town priest, some official documents, and two witnesses for the vows, which were his butler Cadbury and his wife, Erin, who acted as the best man and maid-of-honor. It was obvious that Silas wanted to keep this ceremony a secret, and he told you that the time will come to break the news.
When the priest asked him to kiss you, SIias pulled a face and said to skip over that part because you had bad breath. You did not. Jerk.
But you were glad you didnt had to kiss him, so you didnt bother kicking his shin. Maybe nearly dying so many times has made you grow a pair, or maybe its the fact that you dont actually consider this a real marriage because a Nikkah (an Islamic wedding) ceremony did not happen, so technically, you're still single, but you're surprised at how... calmly you've come to terms with everything.
Silas let you go back to you house, because the marriage was the still a secret so there's no use keeping you around at his place. Besides, he needs you to continue working on the murders.
Honestly, you do kind of want to find out who Jack the Ripper is. Any historian worth his salt, dreams of this very opportunity you've been given- to find out the man behind all the horrendous, gut wrenching murders.
Colin watched you get up from your desk and go to the corner office where Will was working on the murders. Poor Will. Colin pitied the lad- he had to deal with the gruesome details of the murders, write out the articles in details that are just pallatable enough for the readers, only to be rejected by the editor who wanted the front page news to be about Silas FitzGeorge.
What were you doing there? Colin didnt think it was best for you to go in there, after the depressing weeks you'd barely pulled yourself through. Grisly details of a killing spree might not be what you need at the moment.
"Hey Will!" You walk in his office, changing your voice to that of a man.
"Holmes." He acknowledged you briefly, his hair a mess as well his desk. If anyone knew how giddy you were everytime someone in the office called you Sherlock Holmes, you'd be labelled a loser for sure.
"Still working on those murders, eh?" You walk closer to his desk. "Any leads on who the mystery man might be?"
"No." He glared at you. "I would, if the coppers were to do their job and the editor published my work, but noooo. God forbid we miss any details on that FitzGeorge fella and his tragic life. Cry me a fucking river-" Ah, a fellow Silas hater. You can work with that.
"Let me help you." You offer him. Will raises his brow, before scoffing. "Unless you can somehow have the editor publish my articles, I dont think you can help me. Besides, I dont need an amateur disturbing me because he's just wants to see a dead body."
Amateur? Pfft, I'll have you know I was a minor celebrity on Wattpad at just age 11 when I wrote Sherlock Holmes fanfics-
"How about this? If I can convince the editor to post your work, will you let me help?"
Will stares at you, studying you for a moment.
"Fine."
You walk out of his office and go to your desk where Colin is already waiting for you.
"Hey, Colin." You greet him, sitting down as you pull a blank sheet of paper from your drawer and start writing on it.
"Hey... Sherlock. What were you doing in-" He leans down to read what you're writing. "Jack The Ripper- why are you writing about him?"
You shrug. "Why not? He's an important figure to talk about and needs to be caught. If the papers bring enough attention to him, it'll put pressure on the authorities to work harder to catch him."
"I get that, but- I mean, you already have the FitzGeorges to write about and what about other douches in high society?" Colin tried to persuade you.
"I'll write about them too, in fact. Dont worry about it. I'm going to bring you some real dirt soon." You tell him before picking up the pen again, but Colin grasps your wrist, stopping you.
"Y/n, I just dont think that you should be working on this right now-"
"Colin." You cut him off, freeing your wrist. "I'm grateful for your concern for my well being, but I assure you- I am not made of glass. I can handle my business. Besides, this is something that has intrigued me. Let me work on it, please." You say before returning to writing down your points on the homicidal maniac.
-
After work, you changed out of your disguise and went to the antique store on Regent street, or what was left of it.
You knew there was no chance, but something inside you hoped that your time machine had survived.
The store was burnt down, and since the interior was mainly made of wood, most of the antiques had burnt to ashes or at least, damaged beyond repair and could not be sold.
You stood outside the ruins off the store, the property was sealed off and guards stood outside it, not letting you in.
"Please, I just need to-"
"Like I said, miss. We were given specific instructions not to let anyone in." The guard cut you off, annoyed by your insistence.
Before you could argue again, someone walked up behind you.
"Y/n." Henry looked at you. He was dressed well, his hair combed and face shaved, well kept as he usually was but his eyes.... he had bags under his eyes. Like he hadnt slept in days.
"What are you doing here?"
"Oh, um- I just wanted to see if my stuff is still there."
He nodded at his guards to step aside, leading you inside the shop.
"Look around. See if you can find it." Henry's tone was flat, as if he already knew.
Still, you looked around. You searched the whole place, not even finding the remains off your machine. And how could you? It was made of mostly plastic and very cheap metal, its not like you had funds to make it indestructible.
Or incombustible.
"Satisfied?" He asked you when you finally stopped looking for it.
You huff. "If you'd just given it to me before-"
"Y/n." He cut you off. "I lost my store. I lost my employee who was working in here, who was blasted to pieces. I lost more money than you can ever imagine and you have the nerve to stand there and try to blame it on me? After I'd given you the courtesy to look through my property to put your mind to ease?"
He admonished you, all while barely letting his rage slip through his voice. He was holding back from blowing up on you, but it did not help because you still felt small.
Because he is right. He lost an employee. He lost money. He lost too, and yet you have the audacity to complain to him like he was somehow at fault.
And he wasnt. Its not like he bombed his store.
"Do you know who did it?" You ask, diverting your eyes to avoid his piercing gaze.
"No one "did" it. It was an accident." Henry looked at the floorboard. "Apparently, there was gunpowder in some of the artefacts that came from China that day. The employee probably didnt check it when he put it on the table, next to a candle. Then one got lit up and it set off all the others, blowing up the whole store."
That... sounds like a big coincidence.
"Henry, are you sure someone wasnt behind this-"
"Y/n, I dont have time to entertain your wild theories right now. I have to deal with insurance and other things. Please leave." He cut you off abruptly.
Without giving him another moment to bruise your self esteem, you stormed out of his store. By the time you reached home, it was dark, which wasnt the best idea with a murderer on the loose- as the boys made it clear.
"Do you have any idea what he's capable of?! Have you seen the crime scenes?!" Liam yelled at you.
"No. But its not like I'm a prostitute, so he wont hurt me." You answer from your seat between Benjamin's legs, who insisted on brushing the knots out of your hair and placing some essential oils in your hair.
Liam looked at you like you'd grown two heads. "How would he know that?!"
You leaned forward, frowning. "Okay if you're saying that you cant the difference between a prostitute and me, then thats just insulting to me and to you as a police officer!"
Shepherd suppressed a chuckle as he handed a drink to Liam to calm him down. As they continued to joke around, you mind went to your time machine.
Sure, you could try making it from scratch again. It'll be difficult, and not just because there isnt enough technology to make the whole thing by yourself, but also because the mere idea of building a time machine could have you lobotomised.
So yes, one of the reasons why you agreed to marry Silas was because of his money that would not only let you buy expensive raw materials but also allow you to have a space to make the machine in secret.
Suddenly there was a knock on the door. Colin left to see who it was, returning moments later with a huge box in his hand.
"Its for you." He set the box down and handed you the letter that came with it. You read the letter while the boys opened the box-
"Tomorrow. 7:30 pm sharp.
Dont be late, missus."
The "missus" part gave away that it was from Silas. What was he planning? Were you supposed to go to his place or was he going to pick you up? What was going to happen tomorrow?
"Woah! Who is this from?" Shepherd asked as he looked at the fancy dress in the box. He pulled it out of the box, the gown flowing down effortlessly. "It looks expensive- this is expensive, right? Its expensive." He stated before repeating his question to you. "Who is it from, Y/n?"
You folded the letter as you saw them all looking at you. "I... I might have a date-"
"With who?" Benjamin asked sharply.
"I-" You sigh. "I'll let you know after the date. Lets see how it goes first."
"Oh, come on! Just tell us!" Liam probed, but you took the dress from him, putting it back in the box and taking it to your room, not noticing how silent Colin had went.
-
You stood in front of the mirror, looking at your reflection while Ben did your hair. Wearing the black velvet gown that had a white blouse and long skirt underneath, puffy regency era sleeves and a belt at the bust, you looked elegant.
Seeing as you had no jewellery to pair the outfit with, Ben styled your hair down, curling the locks and putting a dainty black silk bow on the back, trimming the front of your hair so that they framed your face.
"There's a carriage waiting for you!" Shepherd informed you before going back to gushing about the rich fella you'd managed to bag.
You turned around for Ben for the finishing touches. He smiled softly at you, taking your hands in his and squeezed them gently.
"Dont force yourself to do anything you're not comfortable with, hm? Just because he gave you this dress doesnt mean he can do anything he wishes." You nodded, returning his smile. "And remember, you have me and the boys to beat anyone who upsets you, Y/n." He winked making you giggle.
Standing outside the carriage, you looked up and waved to the 3 boys standing in the window before getting inside.
"Ah, I hope she knows how to use that knife I gave her." Liam mumbled, making Shepherd yell at him.
"You gave her a knife?!"
"What? She needs to protect herself when there's a murderer on the lose-"
As the two continued to bicker, Benjamin went to his room and packed some scissors and razors in a small bag, before leaving the room.
"Where are you going?" Colin asked, finally speaking for the first time that evening. Sitting on the sofa chair, he'd been nursing on a drink the entire time you were getting ready for your drink. He kept quiet, pretending to be to engrossed with reading the paper to notice you getting dressed for your date night.
"I... have a client." Ben said, putting on his top hat and leather gloves before wearing his coat.
"This late?" Colin raised a brow.
Ben gave a nod.
"He... he needs a haircut urgently."
Colin stared at him before sighing, picking up his drink.
"Alright. Be careful. Its foggy out there."
-
Sitting inside the carriage alone, you wondered where the buttler was taking you. Since Silas isnt here with you, then its likely that you're being taken to him at the FitzGeorge estate.
You take a deep breath, fiddling with the velvet of your dress. So tonight will be the night he announces his marriage to you. Or maybe not. I mean, if he did plan on doing that then perhaps he'd be giving you some pointers on how to win over his family? To get their approval? It was a big thing for high society, if not for someone who is loosely attached to royalty.
Maybe thats why he called you over tonight. To soft launch you to his family, something like- "hey, this is Y/n, a girl I fancy. I think she might be the one." so that it seems a lot more believable when he does introduce himself as your husband, probably a few weeks or a month from now.
Yes. Silas doesnt seem like the type to just spring up the union on his family out of nowhere. He is English, he is noble, he wouldnt be one to cause a scene.
The carriage stopped after sometime, and you could hear people chattering outside. Your door suddenly opened, but before you could step out, someone stepped in.
It was Silas.
He sat across from you, wearing a formal dress black suit, his hair styled properly. If your dressing didnt give it away, then his did- it was definitely a black-tie event.
He gave you a nod of acknowledgement, looking you up and down.
"Here, wear this." He handed you a velvet lined box. Opening it, you saw a beautiful pearl necklace and matching tear drop earrings.
"Oh, this is... beautiful." You said in awe. "You could've sent this along with the dress, I would've worn my hair differently-"
"No, I didnt want to risk you running off with it." Silas casually insulted you as he began opening the door. "Wear this and dont talk to me or approach me in there."
"Wait, what?" You looked at him confusion.
Silas huffed in irritation. "I'm going to go back inside. You'll walk in after five minutes, and when you do, you will not talk to me, or approach me or do anything that gives away that you know me."
"Silas-" But he left before you could question what he was on about.
So... he wasnt planning on announcing his marriage to you tonight? Wearing the jewellery, you followed his instructions and exited the carriage exactly five minutes later.
But instead of seeing the FitzGeorge house, you were standing in front of a... palace.
A palace you're seen quite a few times.
Buckingham palace.
"What am I...?" You whispered to yourself before composing yourself as other guests began walking past you.
As you ascended the stairs to the entrance where guards stood, you wondered if they'd let you in. Surely, without Silas by your side or an official invitation, they wouldnt let you in. You watched a few guests holding an envelope with a royal seal, an invitation they showed to the guards before being let in.
Heart pounding as you feared the embarrassment you're about to face, you reached the guards who looked at you for a few moments, trying to recognise you before their eyes fell on your necklace and they let you pass.
Ah, so thats why he gave you the jewellery. If you looked like you belonged there, then you probably did.
Why am I here though?
You looked around and saw many people inside, all belonging from high society. This definitely wasnt the place where Silas was going to announce his marriage. So why did he invite you here?
Maybe he wants me to use this as an opportunity to get dirt on high society?
Yes, perhaps, but how would this serve him? Is there a specific person he wants me to get dirt on? Someone I need to write about in the papers?
Silas, what game are you playing?
You spotted him standing in the corner, talking with his cousins and uncles, though you noticed many girls looking at him. Of course, he still is the "most eligible bachelor" to them. If they knew how rude he was, maybe they'd change their opinion.
Walking through the crowd, you began listening on conversations, trying to pick up on interesting bits. It was the usual obnoxious bragging about their wealth, some scandals here and there, disturbing comments about women, etc. Nothing particularly interesting.
Fortunately, you werent bored for long as the royal butler announced the arrival of the hosts. It hadnt truly hit you where you were standing until you heard her name-
"Her Majesty, Queen Victoria-"
Queen Victoria. The Queen Victoria.
You could feel goosebumps raising on your skin, your eyes widening as you realised you're looking at one of the most iconic figures in history. Alive. She's alive and she's walking right in front of you-
She's short. They were right about that. Standing next to her husband, Prince Albert, she looked even shorter. But she looked incredibly happy, full of youth as she stood next to him, unlike all the paintings who depicted her as this angry old widow.
She looked absolutely beautiful.
Her children stood behind her in order, all smiling at their mother. Her daughters, you recognised them all, looked just as beautiful. You recognised her eldest, Edward VII, a 20-something old boy who would end up being hated by his mother and blamed for his father's death. He looked nervous, standing beside her and you could see he was just itching to leave her side and avoid any more scrutiny.
The Queen began speaking.
"Thank you everyone for joining us on this pleasent occasion." She looked around. "Tonight, we are going to welcome a member to our family, even though he has always been a part of us. But now, we will make things official."
"Silas FitzGeorge." She called suddenly. You saw Silas step forward in front of the queen, bowing his head curtly before looking at her confidently.
"You're my cousin Georgie's grandson, and I have no doubt when I say that if he were here tonight, he'd be just as proud of the young man you've become as I am. Our families may have had some issues in the past, but I have always accepted you as a part of me. Over the years, you've only proven me right with how capable you've become on your own, without seeking a helping hand in your adversities. You have made us all immensely proud, as well as your predecessors for being the first man in our family to attend Oxford university. Watching you start businesses and expand your empire, I have no doubt that you will only continue to make the royal family and Britian proud. Therefore, I would like to offer my support and make good on my promise that I made to you when you were a child."
She turned around and a servant handed her a document.
"I hereby make Silas FitzGeorge, the Duke of Westminster."
Oh. Ohhhhh. Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh-
This was Silas's dukedom ceremony. Why is this a huge deal? Because his grandfather, Prince George was once estranged from the royal family and stripped off his royal duties and benefits when he married Sarah Fairbrother, which meant their descendents were all illegitimate and not recognised by the crown.
But tonight, with Silas becoming a duke, its like a welcome back to the family. That too, by the same woman who had in essence- ostracised his family.
And with Dukedom comes other benefits, money, property, influence. Not to mention that Silas has become the duke of Westminster, as in THE WESTMINSTER! One of the wealthiest dukedoms to get, and also where Westminster palace is, the place which is the meeting place for the Parliament of United Kingdom. It'll allows Silas to have a say and play around with politics.
This is a huge gesture by the queen, and if Silas wasnt the most eligible bachelor before, then he definitely is one.
You watched the queen sign the documents first, before giving it to Silas who signed it. Everyone cheered and clapped for the young duke before stopping as Victoria began speaking again.
"Now, I would like to share more good news." She smiled at Silas, who stood beside her now. "I would like to announce the new duke's betrothal to my daughter, Helena."
What?
The guests clapped again as you saw Silas looking ahead, purposely avoiding your gaze. The queen beamed as she looked back at Helena, who was blushing.
So this is why Silas didnt want you to talking to him. He knew he was going to marry Helena, and he didnt want anyone to even doubt that he's associated with you in any way. Is this his way of telling you that the sham marriage between you two has ended?
Victoria encouraged Silas to say a few words.
Silas looked down briefly, a small smile playing on his lips. "Oh, wow. I am grateful that her majesty has awarded me dukedom. I dont have enough words to express how thankful I am to you." He looked up and you saw a mischievous glint in his eyes. "However, I was only informed of this ceremony and not of my betrothal beforehand."
The queen's head snapped in his direction, as did all of the royals, but Silas continued speaking unfazed.
"I wish I had been told about this earlier to avoid this awkward situation uhhh..." he chuckled nervously, but you could see he was anything but nervous. "I am honoured to be even considered for the princess's hand, your majesty, but I'm afraid I am already married." He announced, looking straight at you.
The hall interrupted into gasps and whispers before they parted the way to let Silas make his walk to you.
With a charming smile, a dimple on his left cheek, he approached you, pulling you into his arms as he leaned down to press a kiss to your temple.
"Hi, sweetheart." He whispered loud enough for the onlookers to hear. Your eyes widened, your face flushed at the feeling of everyone's eyes and at his word.
"Si-" The words died down your throat as he placed an arm around your back and pulled you close to his side, showing you off.
"This is Y/n, my darling wife."
With Silas's announcement, the hall went silent once again. Your throat went dry at being put in the spotlight, and your eyes flickered from one guest to another, until finally falling on the queen's, who looked... pissed.
Finally, it was Prince Albert who broke the silence and announced dinner had been served. As the guests began walking out of the hall, Silas lead you out of the palace and to the carriage where his grandmother was waiting for you.
"Go home, now. I'll see you soon." Was all Silas said to you before whispering something to his grandmother, who beamed and nodded, patting his cheek.
"Come on, Y/n. Its getting late, now." Sarah said as she lead you into the carriage, taking her seat next to you, completely unaware of the eyes that had been following you since the moment you'd left home.
-
Silas returned inside, seeing his uncles smirking with pride at the game he'd just played but instead of going to them to celebrate his victory, he went to Prince Albert and Queen Victoria who seemed to be arguing in a low tone in the corner while the guests were being seated in the dining hall.
Clearing his throat, he got their attention.
"Your majesties, I am so sorry for not informing you about my union with Y/n. Its just my wife is terribly shy and we wanted to keep this marriage a secret. But I understand how this creates an embarrassing situation for the crown, and I would like to humbly turn down my dukedom-"
"No." The queen cut him off, her eyes void of any emotion. "The dukedom was awarded to you for your achievements, not because you were asked to marry my daughter. Helena is not something to pawn off to just anyone."
Silas offered a sympathetic smile. "Of course, your majesty. I'm sure you'll find a better suitor for the princess." He took his bow before turning around to enter the dining hall while Victoria stared at his back.
"Are you really still going to keep him as the duke of Westminster?" Albert asked his wife.
She was fuming. But only Albert could tell.
"What choice did I have?" Victoria asked, still glaring at the young boy who dared to play her. "If I took the dukedom away after announcing it publicly, it would've been a far more embarrassment for the crown. They would call us "cheap"."
"We cant let him get away with it." Albert whispered. "Its Westminster. We may rule it, but the duke will still be able to influence the government."
"You think I'm not aware he wants to play politics?" Victoria snapped, before softening her tone. "I wont let him get away with it, Albert. He's just a boy. I am a queen. I wont let him or anyone humiliate us."
Silas sat down besides his cousins as his uncles raised their glasses to him. He sipped his drink, a satisfied grin resting on his face. He knew exactly what he did. Even though no one actually told him that the dukedom came with marriage to the princess, because how callous would it be to ask him to marry her when no one would give up the opportunity of becoming the queen's son-in-law, Silas knew he was expected to marry Helena.
But no one said it. No one asked him. Its the English, they never say what they mean outright, choosing to read between the lines and do what is expected of them, because its more artful, more honourable this way.
Not that Silas could care about traditions. Why would he, when he planned on exacting his revenge?
The queen only came to offer her support when he became successful enough on his own. Where was she when his parents died and his sister was left to take care of him? Sure, Victoria attended the funeral and "promised" to take care of him. But she also said she'd only do that if he proved himself. His grandmother and his sister, Daisy were the ones who raised him.
And now, years later when he got into Oxford without using his family name, without saying "I am related to the queen", when he used his skills to create a powerful business empire that has the potential to influence the British industries, she wants him?
Sure, Westminster has its benefits, but Silas doesnt need Westminster. Westminster needs Silas. He could topple over the government and even shut down Britain herself with just his influence alone. Being a duke just has given him a public platform, an acknowledgement and most importantly, backing from the crown.
And you? Marrying you wasnt just because you happened to be around. Oh no. Silas has plans for you, plans to use you and further his revenge. This is just the beginning.
-
Sarah dropped you back at your place after you insisted that you needed to inform your flatmates of your departure. She gave you a disapproving look when she found out you were living with 4 men and was very determined to have you move in with her and Silas at the FitzGeorge estate, but you were able to persuade her to let you stay the night at home one last time.
"There's something I need to tell you guys." You fiddled with your thumbs as they all sat down in front of you.
"I um... I'm married."
"What?" Shepherd asked. "And you still went on a date?"
"I went on a date with my husband-"
"And who is that?"
You took a deep breath.
"Silas FitzGeorge."
Everyone except for Benjamin broke into laughter.
"Yeah, good one. Seriously, who is it?"
You frowned. "Seriously. Its Silas FitzGeorge."
As you began explaining your situation, even showing them the jewellery that you definitely werent wearing before you left, they started to believe you.
"Y/n- you cant- you cant marry Silas. You cant just marry someone you barely know!" Colin argued.
"What? Havent you heard of "love at first sight"?" You ask but he was unamused. Sighing, you shrugged. "Look, its a marriage that will benefit us both mutually. He gets people nagging him to get married off his back and I get to use his money and influence to get dirt on high society! Besides, I can leave him anytime I want."
"Then leave him now, before its too late." Ben said, standing up as he approached you. He took your shoulders and gave them a firm squeeze. "If its money you're worried about, I'll help you. I can provide for you, Y/n. Dont get into bed with these rich bastards, you dont know how selfish they can be. I- I- dont want you to get hurt-"
"I wont, Benny." You grab his arms, assuring him. "Silas and I are working together. If I go down, so will he. He wont hurt me, he cant. Its too risky for him now, you know? He announced our marriage tonight in front of the queen!"
As you began telling him about how you met the queen and all, Colin quietly left the living room to pour himself another drink, something to knock his brain out so he doesnt have to think about you and Silas.
-
Next day, before the sun even rose, you had packed up a few of your things to go live with the FitzGeorges. All the boys were awake at that time, though Colin's eyes were bloodshot from apparently drinking the wrong liqour, so he sat quietly on the sofa, watching you.
Liam and Shepherd took your bags to put it in the carriage waiting outside, while Ben pulled you in for a hug.
"I'm just moving out, Benny! I'll still see you guys." You laugh, patting his back.
Ben kissed the crown of your head before tucking it under his chin, arms tightening around you. "Just know that you will always have a home here, with us. Dont hesitate to reach out for help. And if Silas or anyone every hurts you, I dont care how rich they are, Y/n. I will take care of them. You just- just come back to us, hm?"
You pulled away from him, wiping a lone tear from your eye. "You're the best, Benny." You whisper before going to Colin, who just stared at you with red eyes.
Leaning down, you poked his cheek. "Kinda wish you werent drunk when I said goodbye, but I guess it makes it easier." Colin continued to stare at you. You grabbed his hand, smiling gratefully at him. "Thank you for everything, Colin. You saved me. Truly." You gave his hand a firm squeeze before leaving, missing him mumble something under his breath.
The carriage took you to the FitzGeorge estate and you were a little disappointed to see only Sarah waiting to welcome you. Its not like you wanted Silas to make a grand gesture to welcome his bride, but you were kinda hoping he was going to ease you into his world while explaining the events of the previous night.
Sarah showed you around the house before leading you to Silas bedroom.
"Cadbury has already placed your bags in there." She turned to you. "This will be your space too, so do make changes to the place as you please."
You smiled shyly at her. Honestly, you dont know whether Sarah knows that Silas only married you for personal agenda, but she wasnt surprised when Silas announced you were his wife.
Sarah looked at you and she placed a hand on her chest, touched.
"Oh, I am so glad you're Silas's girl."
Silas's girl?
"When Silas told me he married you, I was only mad that he did it behind my back! But I suppose it is understandable... these FitzGeorge men always liked to make a statement when it came to love." Sarah said, fondly remembering her late husband.
Sarah continued to gush about you enough for you to know that you dont need to kiss her ass. You have her approval.
When she left, you looked around the large bedroom, Victorian and dark academia was the aesthetic. Wooden panels lined the room, the shelves were stocked with thick books, a study table in one corner, an ottoman chest seat in front of the bed. The entire room was illuminated by the large windows that opened into the balcony, overlooking the large gardens and the cold air of London.
Standing at his balcony, you couldnt help but wonder...
Silas definitely has to HAVE a mega douchebag personality if this was where he was raised.
I mean who wouldnt have an ego trip if they woke up to a view like this, a butler named CADBURY who probably brings him his bland tea and tells him about all the proposals he had, and Silas would just wave a hand in dismissal, telling his butler to reject them all on his behalf.
Silas lived like a king. Or at the very least, lived like the 1% of Britain.
Returning back into the room, you looked at the interior before a grin formed on your face.
Time to snoop around, Y/n. You made your way to his desk.
Lets see what secrets you're hiding, husband.
-
Silas walked in on you folding your clothes and placing them in his closet.
"What do you think you're doing?" He huffed, loosening his tie. He was still in his clothes from last night, having just returned home after celebrating with his uncles and cousins.
You turned to him, faking enthusiasm. "Hello to you too."
Silas rolled his eyes, sitting on his bed. "Dont touch my things." He began untying his shoes.
"Why? You worried my poverty would taint them?"
He looked you dead in the eyes.
"Yes."
"Haha." You close the closet and turn to him. "We need to talk."
He looked at you miserably. "Cant it wait-" "No."
"Fine, then. Go on, I'm listening." He leaned against the headboard while you took your place on the foot of the bed.
"Why didn't you tell me last night that we were going to the palace? Or that you were going to announce our marriage?"
Tired eyes looked at you. "I didnt want to risk you getting cold feet."
Okay. Fair enough.
You gave him a nod. "Fine. Still would've liked a heads-up." "I'll keep that in mind for next time. Good night-" He began closing his eyes when you spoke again.
"No. We still need to talk about our situation." You looked at your lap, smoothing your dress before looking at him again, only to find his tired eyes studying you.
"Silas, who knows that our marriage is not... real?"
"It is a real marriage. We signed proper documents and all." He told you. "What you mean to ask is who knows our marriage is like mutually beneficial business deal? The answer is- no one, except for my butler and his wife, who wont say a word. And I want it to stay that way."
You raised a brow. "So... what exactly is the image you're trying to sell to the world? That we're a young couple, madly in love?"
He shrugged. "Sure."
"Silas." Your tone turned serious. "If you want people to believe this fairytale you're creating, then you need to get your stories straight. And involve me in it too!"
He tilted his head at you before sighing. "Fine. Lets say... we met two months ago."
"Where?"
He grinned. "Ballet theatre. Near Oxford university."
"Ballet theatre- are you trying to use your grandparents story?"
He shrugged. "So what if I am? Besides, people will love it."
You glared at him, but he continued on with his story. "So we met at the ballet theatre, you fell madly in love with me the first time you saw me. Your exact words were- "Jesus Christ and Heavenly Father, have I died and went to heaven to witness the utter beauty of an angel-"
"I have seen rodents looking better than you." You cut him off.
"You're ruining my story." He scolded you. "Fine, we can say that after you were mesmerised by my beauty, you stalked me for a few weeks until I finally said yes out of pity-"
"Silas."
He raised his hands in surrender. "Alright, alright. I'll leave the details to you, just remember- we met at the theatre. Thats the most important part of the story."
"Okay, I'll add my version of the events, which you can read in the papers in a day or two." You stood up, walking over to the vanity. "I will be going to work from tomorrow. I'll tell your grandmother I'm going to visit some friends, and you'll drop me off at my old place where I'll change my clothes and then I'll go to the office."
"Very well." He turned his head to look at you. "But after you're done writing about us, continue working on the White Chapel murders."
You hummed, turning around. "Dont worry, I should be able to get access to the letters in a few days. Wait- Silas, didnt you say your friend owned the paper I worked for?" He nodded. "Well, can you ask him if he could let me, I mean- assign Sherlock Holmes to work on the case? You could bribe him with giving an exclusive interview about your marriage for the papers, in return, he has to let me work the murder story."
"Consider it done." Silas said, putting his arm over his eyes.
"Um, Silas?"
"What?" He asked, annoyed.
"Where am I to sleep?" With Sarah in the house, its not like you can occupy another room. It'll raise suspicion.
Silas removed his arm to look at you, before looking at his large bed.
You shake your head. "I am not sleeping in the same bed with you-"
"I wouldnt want that either." He said, grabbing a pillow. Your heart warmed at the gesture. He really was going to leave his bed for you, like the true gentleman-
Thud.
You looked at the pillow he'd thrown on the floor.
"There." He pointed before returning to bed.
"You want me to sleep on the floor?"
With his eyes closed, he replied. "You say that like you expected me to sleep on the floor."
"Well-"
"Its my room, my bed. Why would I sleep on the floor?"
"I dont know, whats the word- chivalry?!" You huffed, grabbing the pillow and walking near the closed balcony window. It was cold but you'd rather sleep with a pretty view than to wake up to Silas feet landing on your face.
Muttering curses under your breath, you soon fell asleep with your back turned to Silas. A few minutes later, he got off the bed and dropped a blanket on your sleeping body.
And they say chivalry is dead. He thought to himself, returning to his bed.
-
The next day, while dropping you off to work, you brought up the previous day's convo.
"I need something." Silas's gaze flickered from the window of the carriage to you. "What do you know about Henry Blackwood?"
Silas' looked bored again. "He's a fellow businessman, invests in people rather than companies, likes to keep his operations in the dark, which means he has secrets. His shop blew up some time ago, allegedly a "technical failure" but... I think someone did it."
"You think so too?" You asked, hopeful. "Do you know who?"
Silas shook his head. "No. His enemies, like his operations are secret. All I know is someone did it to send a message to him, blew up the shop deliberately while he was out."
A message?
"I want to get dirt on him." You watch Silas raise a brow at you. "Just... get me close to him, or to his people. I saw him talking to your uncles, maybe they know something?"
Silas shakes his head again. "My uncles talk to anyone who has money. Henry wouldnt ever invest in them, they couldnt manage a business for the life of them."
"And you? Would Henry invest in you?"
Silas nodded. "He's tried. I wasnt interested." He cut you off before you could even suggest the idea. "And I'm still not interested. But I'll get you close to him."
"Thank you." You settled back in your seat before remembering another request. "Silas?"
"What now?"
"Can I have some money?"
"Here's a pound-" You glared at him, making him sigh. "How much?"
"Mmhm, oh I dont know... just enough to buy a small house-"
"And why do you need a house?"
You looked at him dumbfounded. "Well, when our marriage goes to the sewers, I would like to have a roof over my head."
"And what if I say I dont intend on ending this marriage?" Your blood ran cold at his words.
"What?"
Silas tilted his head at you before chuckling. "Why have you turned pale? If anyone should be horrified at the prospect of staying married in this mismatch, completely unbalanced relationship, it should be me. Struck down, caught out of the lake in his prime, of both beauty and brain-"
"Oh God, please stop talking before blood starts pouring out of my ears."
"So you agree your voice is irritating enough to do that?" Silas remarked smirking.
"Shut up." You flared your nostrils at him. Why does he have to ruin my mood this early in the day?
He chuckled victoriously, looking out the window. "I'll get you the house. You dont need money for it." He looked at you, already knowing you'd be confused. He grinned, pointing to himself. "Duke of Westminster-" he then points at you. "Duchess of Westminster."
Of course. Now that you're married to the duke, you have a whole lot of land in your hands. You really can have a house anywhere you'd like.
The carriage stopped. "Off you go now, wife."
Entering the office, you were first greeted by Will, the man in charge on working on the White Chapel murders.
"Holmes! How did you do it?" He shook you by the shoulder gleefully. "How did you convince the boss to post my story next?!"
I married his friend. "Oh, I just... promised him an article. Once I give him that, we can work together on the murder story."
He nodded, ushering you to finish off your article first before helping him.
Making your way to your desk, you spotted Colin. "Hey, Colin-" But he walked right past you, as if he didnt hear you.
Maybe he didnt. You shrugged, sitting down at your desk as you began writing down the news about you and Silas.
-
"Oh, Mr Holmes has definitely written most accurately about you Y/n!" Sarah said as she read the papers at the breakfast table. "He calls you the "fairest maiden in town" and "beauty with brains"- oh, I couldnt agree more!"
You smiled, sipping your tea sheepishly while Silas rolled his eyes. Its been 3 days since you wrote an article announcing your marriage to the world, and the editor decided to post it on Sunday, when you and most of London had off from work, all tuning in to read "how the most eligible bachelor bagged the fairest maiden in town."
Sarah ate some of the dishes you'd prepared today. "These are absolutely delicious, Y/n! Silas, your wife-" A maid came in to inform her that there's someone at the door to meet her. As Sarah excused herself, you got up from your seat to serve Silas the food you'd made on Sarah's request.
Silas picked up his fork and took a bite, a smile forming on his lips.
"Have I ever told you how good of a cook you are?"
You blushed, looking down. "No-"
"Then why do you keep cooking?" He dropped his fork on the plate, pushing it aside. "Stop using my kitchen." He smirked as he drank his tea, watching rage take over your face.
"Listen you twat-"
Sarah came back rushing in, a worried look on her face. Silas immediately sat up. "What is it, nana?"
"The- there was someone here from the palace." She gulped. "They sent flowers and a letter congratulating you two on the marriage. They... they said they'd like to meet Y/n and- and welcome the new couple officially."
Silas understood Sarah's worry. The palace never writes to them. In fact, the last time they did, it was years ago when his parents had died.
Getting up from his seat, Silas wiped his face with a napkin before dropping it on the table. "Then we'll let them. We shall host the Queen."
"Si-" But he took her by the shoulders, easing Sarah's worry.
"Dont worry. This is our home, nana." We have the advantage.
Silas left to start making arrangements for hosting the queen at the estate, while Sarah ran around the house with the staff to prepare for the event that is a week from now. Seeing as you couldnt be of use there and everyone was too busy to give you any pointers on what to say or act when the queen arrives, you left the estate to explore the town. Or more specifically, return to the blown up vintage store.
Yep, you're still hoping your time machine survived.
When you arrived on Regent street, you saw the same men still guarding the store, so they probably still wouldn't have let you in. But you also saw Henry, who was leaving the store and in his carriage.
Deciding to follow him, you sneaked into the back of someone's carriage and rode it before jumping off it when it got near Henry's carriage. Fortunately, you didnt have to follow him for long as he got off on Piccadilly street soon and strolled into a place called "The Gentlemen's Club" and from the looks of the daunting bouncers standing outside, you knew you couldnt just stroll in like Henry.
You watched the people who seemed to walk into the club, mostly men, all dressed formally and looked like they were a part of the high society. You saw some women too, though most of them dressed scandalously, so you assume they were there to provide entertainment.
As the sun began setting, more and more people started entering the club and just when you were about to leave, you saw Henry walk out of the club, a frown settled on his face. You werent expecting him to leave the club so soon, not when more people had started going in there, to rave or whatever. If Henry was here for pleasure, then he came out too early. If he was here for business, then most of the club goers have just begun entering, which means that whoever he wanted to conduct business with was already in there. Someone who works at the club... maybe even owns it?
As you turned to leave, you felt someone bump into you.
"Watch where you're going!" The blonde haired woman shrieked at you before crossing the street to go to the club.
You huffed. Everyone's got a giant stick up their-
You whipped your head around, feeling someone watching you. And thats when you spot it- a shadowy figure of a man, standing in the window of the club, on the second floor. Henry? No, he left. Then...?
The shadow didnt move, staring at you until it creeped you enough to make you leave.
-
Silas finally sat down after working all day. Cadbury brought him his evening tea.
"How are the preparations coming along?" He asked his butler. Cadbury informed him of the arrangements he's made and the guest list he's written down that needs his approval before he sends out the invitations.
"And the seamstress will come tomorrow to make a gown for Miss Y/n-"
Silas cut him off. "No need. Send the seamstress to me first. I'll let her know what kind of clothes need to be made for the event, then she can take Y/n's measurements."
"As you wish, sir." Cadbury said, but Silas could see something troubling the young butler. They werent that apart in age, and both of them had practically grown together, each reading the other person well.
"What's the matter, Cadbury?" Silas set his teacup down.
Cadbury took a deep breath. "Its just- I dont understand why the palace is suddenly coming to visit you, after what happened at the dukedom ceremony. It was certainly... humiliating for them, so why would they be coming to welcome Miss Y/n into the family?"
Silas grinned. "They're coming to see who I replaced the princess with." He picked up his cup. "They couldnt break me down, so they're going to try their luck with the missus. There's another reason why the queen is coming, but you let me worry about that."
Cadbury looked concerned. "Then we should prepare Miss Y/n to make no mistakes."
"Dont worry, she wont." Silas smiled, making his butler even more confused. "Speaking of, did you observe her when she was cooking in the kitchen today?"
Cadbury nodded. "Yes. And as you'd said, she didnt touch, let alone cook with bacon or wine despite my insistence that its your favourite. She replaced the meats, and didnt use any alcohol at all!"
Silas chuckled, his eyes gleaming with intent. "Perfect. Just as I'd suspected." He looked at Cadbury again. "Are there any leftovers from the food she'd made?"
"Yes. I was about to throw it out-"
"No. Bring them to me. I'll eat them. If Y/n asks, tell her you fed it to the dogs and then they got violently sick." Cadbury was confused as he left to bring him the food. He thought that Silas didnt like your cooking, at least from what he'd heard him say to you.
Oh. Maybe the young duke just doesnt want to acknowledge that he enjoyed your food.
-
A week passed by quickly and the day of the royal dinner came. You were freaking out because Silas had barely spoken two words to you about how to act or what to say, just telling you to act as yourself and he'll take care of the rest.
"What the hell...?" You muttered, watching your reflection in the mirror. Okay, you're not a conservative, but even you knew that this plunging neckline was a little too much skin for this time period, especially in front of the queen!
You were wearing a white satin and lace gown- wedding gown, if you were being honest. All that was missing was a veil, but you guess that would be a little too much on the nose. The dress was beautiful, no doubt, but it was missing a whole lot of cloth around the neckline, the tight corset making your chest puff out slightly more with a snatched waist. Your collar bones looked prominent, but you would credit that to the bland food served in London. Seriously, why do they act like vampires when it comes to adding garlic?
"Your husband had this dress designed specifically for you, madame!" The seamstress told you as she added her finishing touches. "He must love you a lot!" You resisted the urge to roll your eyes as you wore the jewellery he'd sent for you.
Yes. Thats why I sleep on the floor while he sleeps in his bed. Hope he suffocates under those plush sheets. My backache is the sign of our true love.
"Oh, who did that to your hair?" You heard a voice behind you and you turned around quickly.
"Benny!" You squealed, watching Ben, Liam, Shepherd and Colin enter your room. "Ah, I'm so glad you all came."
"Of course we did. There's free booze-" Shepherd smacked Liam on the back of his head. "We're here because we're happy for you."
"And because they wanted to see the queen." Colin said, rolling his eyes, making the other two bicker with him.
"How's Silas treating you? Are you happy?" Ben asked in a low tone as he fixes your hair.
Oh Ben. He reminds you so much of Qasim. "Yes, Benny. Silas is very good to me. I couldnt be happier."
Ben had a sad smile on his face as he nodded.
Just a few minutes later, Silas entered your room. "Y/n. Gentlemen." He nodded to them, before pulling you aside. "I need to talk to you."
You looked at him surprised. Silas was concerned. He was nervous about something. You've never seen him break a sweat.
"What is it, Silas?"
"The queen is onto us."
"What?"
Silas looked at you exasperated. "She knows about our sham marriage." He casted a look to the boys, who were pretending like they werent trying to hear what he was whispering to you. Silas pulled you close by your elbow to whisper. "I have a source telling me that the queen knows you... you're not a Christian. That you're a Muslim."
You pull back to look at him wide eyed. "How- how did she- how did you-?"
"I suspected, you confirmed it now. But she knows. And she's coming here tonight to expose us. If she tells everyone tonight, then she'll be able to take away my dukedom and she will make our lives hell!"
Your throat went dry. "What- what do we do?"
"There's a way." Silas grip on your arm tightened. "We get married for real."
You tilted your head in confusion before shaking your head at what he was implying. "Silas, no-"
"We get a Nikkah."
A Nikkah? If... if you get a Nikkah with him, an Islamic wedding ceremony, then you'll be married to him for real. No- no, the only reason you'd agreed to his proposal was because you knew it was a fake marriage, it didnt really affect your conscious because it was a sham! But-
"No. Silas-"
"Y/n, please." Silas pleaded. "Dont make me beg. If the queen finds out, everything I've worked so hard for, it'll be for naught. She'll take it all away. Dont you- dont you want to help catch the lunatic behind those murders? Dont you want to make a difference by writing? If you dont do this, if you dont stand by me, we'll both be done for!"
You looked at him conflicted, your resolve starting to break as he continued to talk. "My sister, my parents, my grandfather... my family... they need me, Y/n. They need me to pull this off, for me to reinstate our honour, for me to remove the stain and stigma from my family's name. Please, I'm asking you to do this for me... for my family." He swallowed thickly, his eyes boring into you with intensity. "You once told me you lost everything. I'm telling you now that I'll lose everything if we dont do this. Will you let me lose everything, Y/n?"
Lose everything? Everything?
You shake your head. "No, Silas. I... I wont let you lose everything."
10 minutes later, there was an imam in your room. Silas had somehow managed to find an imam in London to marry you two off. But you suppose when you're so rich and well connected, you can find anyone.
This is happening. This is really happening.
With Ben, Colin, Liam and Shepherd as your witnesses and Cadbury and his wife as Silas's witnesses, the imam began the Nikkah ceremony.
Am I really getting married?
You watched the imam ask Silas some questions, and you tuned them out except for one.
"Are you a Muslim?"
You looked up. A flicker of hope! Yes! If Silas isnt a Muslim, he cant marry you! The Nikkah wont happen, or at the very least wont be real because he's not Muslim! He cant marry you, this will still be a sham marriage, a paper marriage and your conscious will be clear and you wont feel like throwing up-
"Yes. I converted an hour ago." Silas informed the imam. "I took my shahada, in sound mind and state, of my own will without any pressure or coercion."
No. Oh no-
"Do you take Y/n to be your wife?"
"I do."
"Do you take Y/n to be your wife?" The imam repeated.
"I do."
"Do you take Y/n to be your wife?" He asked again.
"I do." And with that, Silas signed the Nikkah contract. The officiant then turned to you.
"With the agreed mahr, do you take Silas to be your husband?"
"Mahr?" You whisper in a daze. The officiant looks confused. "Do you not know what your mahr is?"
Mahr is a gift to the bride given by the groom. It is a symbol of the groom's promise to care and provide for the bride. You're more surprised that Silas even knew what Mahr is.
"It must've slipped my mind to tell you." Silas looked at Cadbury, who handed him a document. "For your Mahr, I give you Westminster palace." You looked at the document, he really had signed it over to you!
"Silas..." You say in disbelief, your hands trembling a bit. He smiled reassuringly at you. "You wanted a house. Here's one."
House? He gave me a palace!
"Do you take Silas to be your husband?" The imam asked you. You stared at Silas, at his content face. He didnt have to sign over a whole palace to you, much less one which he'd just gotten from the queen!
And he looked perfectly content with his decision. Not a shadow of doubt. He... he trusts you? Trusts that you'll maintain this union? Wont run out on him- wont betray him?
"I do."
Does he believe that this marriage will last?
"I do."
Does he trust you?
"I do."
You signed the papers, your eyes still in a daze as Silas smiles charmingly at you before pulling you close to hug you. You hear everyone clap around you as he leans down to whisper in your ear.
"Thank you."
-
Silas escorted you to the dining room where all the guests were waiting. You were still quiet and in a trance as you walked by him, with your hand around his arm.
He's surprised it didnt make you suspicious with how quickly he'd found an imam. Truthfully speaking, Silas knew you were a Muslim when he first proposed to you. He had his doubts, which were confirmed by his observations especially with your aversion to foods that were forbidden for Muslims. And yes, the queen had also found out about you being a Muslim, but only because he spread the rumour to them.
The Nikkah documents, the ceremony, the Mahr, he had already planned it the moment he found out that the queen was coming over. And the reason why he waited until the last minute to spring this out on you was so that you would be pressured into saying yes. He just couldnt risk you taking time to think this through.
You may still be under the impression that Silas chose you because it was circumstantial or whatever, but he chose you to be his wife precisely because you were a Muslim. Oh he has plans to use you.
You're everything the English monarchy hates, what it stands for. You're not prim and proper, despite your best attempts. You work, that too disguised as a man, and you're far too strong willed and determined to prove yourself unlike the British high society women.
He knows the crown wont be happy to have Muslim bride in the family, much less a Muslim duke who just so happily signed off Westminster palace to his wife.
A Cheshire grin graced his lips, which people mistook for glee for being with his blushing bride. He's going to have fun ruffling the queen's feathers. He's going to tilt the palace upside down.
Curtsying to the queen, Silas immediately noticed and took great pleasure in the queen's displeasure at your dress. Yes, he specifically chose a wedding gown that showed too much skin for the conservative monarch.
"Your majesty, this is Y/n, my sweetheart." Silas introduced you so lovingly, you couldnt help but be flustered as you avert your eyes to the ground.
"Its an honour to meet you, your majesty." You manage to say without throwing up.
Victoria casted one unamused look to you. "Very interesting choice for clothing."
Oh shit. Shit. Shit. She hates it. I knew it-
Silas's hand gently grasped yours. "Thank you, your majesty. I chose it for her after being inspired by a painting my love gifted me. Ah, let me show it to you."
You already knew it was the stupid portrait he was talking about, and you wanted to hide away into a corner as you saw the disapproval on the queen's face- God, she doesnt mask any emotion, does she?
The queen turned to Silas. "I have heard a rumour and I would like you to address it now." She said, glancing at you.
Silas nodded, leaning down to press a kiss to your temple. "Why dont you go and help nana with the guests? I'll be right with you."
Sarah was introducing to the guests, but your head was preoccupied with Silas and the queen. They are definitely talking about me-
"Y/n, this is Mr Blackwood." You stared at the familiar face. "Oh please, Sarah. No need to be formal with me." He smiled charmingly. "Besides, miss Y/n and I have met before."
"Well, thats wonderful! You two talk- I have to find my troublesome grandsons before they embarrass me!" Sarah left you with Henry.
"Congratulations on your wedding." He said with exaggerated joy, though his eyes expressed anything but that. "I'm sure he offered you a lot of money for putting up a show. I just wish you'd told me about it before."
"Excuse me?" You frowned. "I'm not putting up a show."
He raised a brow. "Really? You expect me to believe that a FitzGeorge wants to marry you? Out of the blue?" He throws a look to your gown. "That this wedding dress wasnt him trying to just convince the world that you're his wife?"
Your jaw ticked. "You're right. This dress is Silas's way telling everyone we're married. Because we were married on paper before, but I have an imam, 4 witnesses and a Nikkah document stating that Silas and I are married, both in the eyes of the law and God." You watched Henry's face fall. What use was it lying when he already heard of the rumours. Rolling your eyes, you turned to leave, only for him to reach out and grab your arm.
"Why are you doing this?" Henry asked you, looking for any signs of you lying. He didnt find any. "You know you dont belong with him-"
"Oh? I dont?" You snapped. "Who do I belong with? No, go on. Tell me."
He pulled you close, looking into your eyes. "Me. You belong to me. You know it, you felt it- we have something. We have-" He lowered his voice. "I can give you everything you want. Whatever you'd lost in my shop, I'll find it again. I'll travel the world for it, just- come to me. Leave Silas."
"That is the most pathetic thing I've heard come out of a man's mouth." You yanked your hand out of his grasp, walking away from him. The next time you saw him, he was busy talking with Victoria's heir- Prince Edward VII.
"Sweetheart, there you are!" Silas grabbed you, pulling you along. "I was just telling her majesty about how we met. You remember, love?" He shot you a knowing look.
You nodded, remembering what you two had practised. "Yes. We met at the ballet theatre near Oxford. It was love at first sight-"
"Ballet theatre?" Victoria's voice was sharp. Your heart dropped as you tried to follow up on your lie. See, this is why you two should've discussed this because its hard to lie on the spot!
"She's an amazing ballerina! Ah! I was immediately charmed by her art! She bewitched me!" Silas said cheekily and you wanted to smack him for saying "bewitched" because this is still Victorian era and sure, they dont have witch trials anymore, but why would he risk even the accusation when it is literally the queen's ancestors who had a major part in burning up "witches" in the 1600s!
Look, people back then were dumb and evil, which is a really bad combination.
"Is she now?" Victoria looked at you now, with those piercing eyes. "I would love to attend a show of yours. See what these FitzGeorges fancy so much."
Oh she knows. You can see it, hear it in her monotonous voice that she knows Silas is lying.
And yet this dumbass continues to lie. "Of course! We'll host you for... Christmas eve?"
As Victoria left, you glared at Silas. "Why would you say that?! I'm not a ballerina and you invited her to watch me dance? Do you want to get caught?!"
Silas tutted at you. "You worry too much. Its not that hard, you know. Besides, you have my grandmother to teach you. Ah yes, nana will love it-"
"Silas!" You stopped him. "I cant learn ballet in a month!"
"Not with that attitude-"
"We will get caught. You will be caught, and I will be embarrassed and- and- I wont let anyone make a fool out of me, Silas!" He pulled you into his chest, shushing you.
"I wont let anyone make a fool out of you either, Y/n." He pulled your head back to look at you with those deceptively charming eyes. "You carry my name next to yours now. You're my wife now, and by association, your dignity is my dignity now. I wont let anyone make a mockery of us, Y/n."
You looked up at him and you believed him. How could you not, when lying comes so easily to Silas?
He watched Sarah console you, promising to help you learn. Silas his his smile as he picked up his glass, enjoying his plan falling into place.
Ah, it would be a pity to see your heart break when the entire theatre laughs at you.
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Thoughts????
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mythicalmaven · 2 months ago
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hiya! Could i please have number 1 with charles leclerc from the prompt list please? Extra smutty with a super needy reader please xxx
Racing Pulse - Charles LeClerc (request)
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Masterlist ↳pairing: charles leclerc x female!driver!reader ↳word count: 1,9K ↳prompts used: 1 - 'Use my thigh" ↳warnings: reader is an f1 academy driver, charles and her are friends, thigh riding, voyeurism (kind of? if you count charles letting her use his thigh), masturbation (sort of) ↳summary: The reader is a driver for the f1 academy & finds herself very very sexually frustrated before the race, leading to Charles offering her a way to relief herself.
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The roar of engines echoes through the garage, a constant reminder of the race ticking closer with every passing second. But no matter how hard you try to focus, your mind keeps wandering, pulled back to the gnawing frustration that’s been simmering beneath the surface. You’re pacing, restless, the usual pre-race jitters replaced by something far more distracting. You’re wound so tight you think you might snap, and it’s only making the tension worse.
Just as you were about to kick against the wall, you catch Charles watching you from across the room. His eyes narrow, noticing your agitation, and before you can look away, he’s already making his way over, concern laced in his steady stride. “You look like you’re about to combust,” he says, his voice pitched low, so only you can hear. “What’s going on?”
You roll your eyes, trying to brush off his teasing, but the tension inside you only tightens. "Nothing, nothing," you huff, attempting to sound normal, but the frustration seeps through. "Everything is going peachy."
Charles raises an eyebrow, clearly not buying it. "Yeah, totally, that's why you were about to kick a table, huh?" he quips, a playful smirk tugging at the corner of his mouth.
A frustrated sigh escapes you, and you run a hand through your hair, the pent-up energy making it impossible to stay still. "Okay, fine," you admit, glancing around to make sure no one else is within earshot. "I'm just... sexually frustrated, alright?"
He blinks, then a laugh bubbles out of him, not mocking but genuinely amused by your candid confession. "Seriously? That’s what’s got you all twisted up?"
You huff again, this time more at yourself than at him. "Yes, Charles. And it’s driving me insane. And no, I’m not joking."
His laughter fades, but the smile remains, a little softer now. "I could help with that, you know," he says, surprising you with the seriousness in his tone.
You furrow your brow, tilting your head to the side. "Do you, though? I mean, this isn’t just some casual frustration. I need... well, you know."
Charles steps closer, his expression unreadable, but his eyes are locked on yours. "Yeah, I know," he says simply, like it’s the most natural thing in the world. As he looked at you, leaning against the wall, he moved to the table near you, leaning against it with his backside, his hands behind him on the table to hold him up.
You blink, processing his words. "Wouldn't it be weird," you start, hesitating slightly, "You know, most friends don’t just... do that. And besides, we don't even have time to go anywhere private, the race is starting soon"
He chuckles, the sound low and warm. "Friends are supposed to help each other out, aren’t they?"
You open your mouth to protest, but he’s pulling you in by your wrist, his voice dropping to a whisper. "And even if you let me help, you wouldn’t have to go anywhere."
You raise an eyebrow, confusion flickering across your face. "Charles, how—?"
"Use my thigh," he murmurs, his tone calm but with an edge of something darker. His gaze flickers to the shadows around you, the secluded corner of the garage where the angle and low light provide a surprising amount of privacy. "No one would be able to see from here. And with the noise out there, it’ll just look like we’re talking, getting close to hear each other better."
Your breath catches, the idea sparking something deep within you. The tension that’s been gnawing at you suddenly has an outlet, and the suggestion is as thrilling as it is scandalous.
For a moment, you hesitate, the absurdity of the situation battling with the undeniable pull of desire. But Charles's gaze is steady, reassuring, and there's something in the way he looks at you—like this is just another challenge, another hurdle to overcome together.
You swallow hard, nodding ever so slightly. The moment the decision is made, Charles shifts closer, his hands finding your waist as he guides you to straddle his thigh. The heat of his body seeps through the fabric of your suit, and the tension you’ve been battling for hours seems to tighten and ease all at once.
“Just relax,” Charles murmurs, his voice low and husky, the vibration of his words sending a shiver down your spine. He pulls you closer until you’re pressed up against him, the thickness of his thigh positioned perfectly between your legs. “No one can see a thing, I promise.”
You let out a shaky breath, trying to steady yourself as his hands settle on your hips. He gives an experimental roll of his thigh, and the friction against your clothed core draws a sharp gasp from your lips. The sensation is maddening, just enough to stoke the fire that’s been smoldering inside you, but not nearly enough to satisfy.
Charles chuckles softly, the sound vibrating against your ear. “Feels good, doesn’t it?” he whispers, his breath hot against your skin. “I can feel how much you need this.”
You bite your lip, trying to keep quiet, but he’s relentless. His hands guide your movements, encouraging you to grind against him, each subtle shift sending sparks of pleasure through your body. The friction is delicious, the pressure just right, and it’s all the more intense because of how forbidden it feels, knowing anyone could walk by at any moment.
“Charles,” you breathe out, your voice trembling with a mixture of desperation and disbelief. You feel him lean in, his lips brushing the shell of your ear.
“Let go,” he murmurs, his tone dropping to a seductive rumble. “No one can hear you over the engines. No one’s watching. It’s just us.”
His words are your undoing. You start to move with more purpose, pressing down harder, seeking out that sweet spot that will tip you over the edge. Charles tightens his grip on your hips, guiding you with a slow, deliberate rhythm that’s both torturous and perfect.
You begin to rock your hips against Charles’s thigh, the friction sending a jolt of pleasure through your body. The need that’s been gnawing at you for days flares up, making you desperate, and you can’t help but lean your head on his shoulder, seeking the comfort of his warmth as you move. Each grind sends a wave of heat rushing through you, and you cling to him, trying to suppress the whimpers that threaten to escape.
Charles’s breath hitches slightly, but he stays composed, his hands steady on your hips as he guides your movements. “Look at you,” he murmurs, his voice low and sultry, lips brushing against your ear. “So needy, so desperate… What’s got you so worked up like this?”
You let out a small, frustrated whine, your voice strained with need. “I-I haven't really had.. any sex lately,” you admit, your words barely a whisper as you press yourself harder against him, trying to find the relief you crave.
Charles chuckles softly, the sound vibrating against your ear, sending a shiver down your spine. “Poor thing,” he coos, a teasing edge to his tone. “You know, I could always help you with that… if you want. All you have to do is say the word.”
You bite your lip, suppressing a moan as the pleasure builds, the fabric of your clothes rubbing deliciously against your throbbing core. The wetness between your legs is undeniable now, soaking through your panties, your racing suit and onto his thigh. You know he can feel it too, and the realization only makes you grind down harder, your desperation growing with every passing second.
A small, breathless moan escapes you, and in a desperate attempt to stifle the sound, you lean in and bite down lightly on Charles’s shoulder. His grip on your hips tightens, a soft groan escaping his lips as you continue to grind against him.
“Charles, I need more,” you whimper, the words slipping out in a moment of vulnerability. Your voice is heavy with desperation, your body trembling with the effort to find release.
Charles’s breath is warm against your ear as he leans in closer. “Oh, chérie, I’d give you everything you want, mon amour,” he whispers, his voice like velvet. “But you don’t have time, remember? You have a race to win.”
His words are a cruel tease, and the ache between your legs only intensifies. He continues to guide your movements, setting a slow, torturous rhythm that keeps you on the edge, but never lets you fall over it.
“If we had the time,” Charles murmurs, his tone dark and seductive, “I’d have you spread out in front of me, completely bare. I’d take my time with you, taste every inch of you until you’re begging for more.”
Your breath hitches at his words, the vivid image sending a fresh wave of arousal crashing through you. You can’t help but glance down, your eyes widening slightly when you see the clear outline of his erection straining against his jeans. The sight of him, hard and ready beneath you, only spurs you on, and you quicken your pace, grinding down on him with more urgency.
Charles’s breath grows heavier, his chest rising and falling with each ragged inhale. “God, you feel so good,” he groans, his voice laced with need. “I love seeing you like this, so desperate, so willing to take what you need.”
Just as you feel yourself getting close, the heat building to a fever pitch, someone walks past, calling out a quick greeting. You freeze, your heart pounding in your chest as you fight to keep your breathing steady. Charles’s hands tighten on your hips, holding you still as he nods in acknowledgment, a casual smile on his face as if nothing is out of the ordinary.
Once the person is out of sight, Charles relaxes, letting out a breath he’s been holding. “We have to be careful,” he whispers, his tone a mix of warning and thrill. “Can’t have anyone catching us, can we?”
Without waiting for your response, he resumes the slow, deliberate grind, guiding you back into that maddening rhythm. The brief interruption only heightens the intensity, and you find yourself clinging to him, desperate for release.
“Come on,” Charles whispers, his voice both encouraging and commanding. “Go for it. I want to see you fall apart for me.”
His words, combined with the relentless friction and the feeling of his hard thigh pressing against you, push you closer to the edge. You can feel the tension coiling tighter and tighter, your body straining for that sweet release.
“I’m… I’m close,” you manage to gasp out, your voice trembling as the pleasure becomes almost unbearable.
Charles responds by leaning in, his lips brushing against the curve of your neck in a barely-there kiss. To anyone watching, it would seem as if he’s simply whispering something to you, but the intimacy of the gesture makes your heart race even faster.
“Come for me, mon amour,” he murmurs against your skin, his breath hot and heavy. “I want to feel you let go.”
The combination of his words, the sensation of his lips on your neck, and the relentless pressure between your legs sends you spiraling over the edge. Your body tenses, a sharp cry escaping your lips as the orgasm crashes through you, waves of pleasure radiating out from your core. You bury your face in Charles’s shoulder, biting down on his jacket to muffle the sound, your entire body trembling with the intensity of it.
Charles’s hands hold you steady, guiding you through every pulse and shudder, his voice a soothing murmur in your ear. “That’s it,” he whispers, his tone filled with a mix of pride and desire. “Good girl. Let it all out.”
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Masterlist
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lovingpiastri · 3 months ago
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OSCAR ' HEART EYES ' PIASTRI (op81 x female! reader)
ꪆৎ die hard formula one fans always appear to take liking to certain interviewers but dislike others , oscar doesn't need anyones input: he's smitten for you.
warnings : none !
in all the years of desiring to excell successfully into formula one, oscar never expected chit chating with a tenderly lenient interviewer would be the best jigsaw in the puzzle in which was his career . the cherry on top , the final flourish or icing on the cake were a couple of idioms he would use to describe you.
and people weren't daft to notice it either !
the lingering stares into your glamorous eyes whilst you attempted to keep your composure , clutching onto your microphone for dear life as the words slipping out of your mouth begin to blend into a mess due to your anxious nerves bubbling . even oscar wondered if you were plummeting into a sudden stroke , also panicking .
however all was well when you backtracked , re-phrased your words as an endearing bond and inside joke blossomed between you like a flourishing stargazer lily .
the joke only thickens when to your next interview you have a tight knit of flashcards, immediately sending oscar into hysterics & leaving poor old you baffled .
"flashcards? do i make you that nervous?"
"kinda yeah..."
"you are something else.."
the chemistry you two behold is immaculate, enough to kill a small victorian child so if that doesn't describe the intensity what will? perhaps , mr lando norris sitting behind a computer screen causing havoc on the internet because he was a victim of it !
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'victim' maybe a tad bit melodramatic but hey ! if the intensity grows any stronger you lot are destined to create your own gravitational pull sometime soon .
we all despise overdone clichés but whenever oscar's eyes remain stationary , targeting yours during the sweet silences everyone around you could swear on the mother of god they observed as fire works combusted around you .
©lovingpiastri
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luveline · 1 year ago
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Hello! Can I request cornflower blue with Aaron, where he's just really into chubby!reader and she's so sweet to him and acts kind of similar to bombshell!reader, but is surprised and ecstatic when she finally notices that he's been flirting back?
tysm♡
You walk into Hotch's office feeling pretty and ridiculous. You know you look cute today, hair done pristine, skin dewy, your outfit one that accentuates the slopes of you (and this is all without mentioning the frankly gorgeous pair of shoes you're wearing). 
"Hello," you say. Something about Hotch makes you feel prettier. You couldn't put your finger on it, maybe it's the way he doesn't seem bemused at your flirting ('cos, oh, there's the flirty fat girl, how funny! like being sweet on people is weird when you do it). "How are you today, handsome?" 
"I'm good," he says, with a real, authentic, sticker of approval smile. "How are you?" 
"Better now I'm seeing you," you say, neatening the edges of your papers on his desk before offering them to a big hand. 
"I could say the same thing," he murmurs, looking down at the papers you've passed him with that boss look about him. He has to check your paperwork before it's submitted, of course, and this batch is a little late, so that's probably why he's happy to see you.
"Charmer. Do you need my help with anything while I'm here? I'm free." 
"You, free?" he says, still looking at the papers, one held above the pile, grabbing for a pen blindly. "In what world?" 
"This one, if you can believe it! Hotch, you understand me like nobody else does." You put on a saccharine, movie star tone, silky and smooth as you sit in the slippery leather chair in front of his desk. Elbows on the desk, you place your chin in your hand and watch him correct things you've written with a dreamy expression that isn't even really fake.
You quite like turning Hotch's innocuous comments into flirtation, if only to see his smile, but today the smile seems different. Almost like he knows something you don't know. You press your pinky finger over your lips and try to work it out. 
… Is Hotch flirting back? There's nothing to do but test it. 
"How do you make paperwork look good?" you ask. And it's important to note that you mean what you say, even if your compliments are said in a teasing, sunny manner. "Is there anything you can't do?" 
"Careful," he says, turning a page. Well, maybe he isn't flirting– "You might get something you aren't looking for." 
Your heart is a bat out of hell, leaping from your chest. "I'm always looking for something as long as you're the one giving it, Hotch... I've been thinking I'd quite like a new moniker, if you're up to it." 
He places the paperwork down into a tidy tray and leans back just a touch in his chair (what the fuck). "What would you have me call you?" he asks quietly. 
"Any Sweetheart will do." Is this real? Is he really giving it back to you? "Puppy love, angel, valentine. You could take your pick."
"Why don't you choose one for me?" 
You stand up from your chair and shake your head at him, fizzy energy with nowhere to go. "Handsome, you're in a mood. I'm going to do a lap, okay? Before I combust. Think you can get this," —you gesture to his chest in a big circle— "under wraps, or shall I start picking out colours for our engagement party invitations?" you ask. 
Hotch laughs and opens one of his desk drawers. You consider the joking over, and while you're disappointed, you're not surprised. That is, until he says, "I like eggshell white over cream, but I'm sure you'll make the right decision, angel." 
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fryday · 4 months ago
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I know there were so much going on in the new mukbang video, but I feel like we need a deep dive into the whole "I don't want to not do this, but I also just want you to be happy...I didn't want you to do something that didn't feel right for you. You should always follow your dreams and heart" speech. Sacrificing the thing you love and bring you the most monetary income for the person you LOVE.. This right here is the hard launch. In this day and age (especially in the whole "influencer" world), people prioritize money, fame, recognition, views over anything. We literally see how many relationships were destroyed because of money. YET, Phil said this line to Dan in the first mukbang video so lovingly and wholeheartedly and still a 5-years hiatus later. Like...YOU are above everything else in my life. UGH. My heart literally combusted and my forever dried eyes literally shed real tears as I heard him say this. So many people are saying Phil is winning the idgaf war, when bro clearly has been giving way too many fucks about his little giant "buddy" in the past 15 years (and still counting).
I sent you an ask before and said that I feel like Dan spoils Phil so much in this new era. After watching this mukbang video, I would say Phil DESERVES to be treated like a tudor princess. If I were Dan, I would be like him too... like...you don't have to catch me when I faint or go to the hospital with me when I am literally half blind if you prioritize ME and my feelings in your life and willing to support and love me no matter what. :')
this is so true anon. so so true. the joke about phil being the king of winning the idgaf war is really really funny because he DOES handle dan's more "serious" issues in such a hilarious, matter-of-fact way, and it just makes for incredible memes.
but jokes aside, it's really just different ways of showing love. i feel like phil's love is an accepting love. it's the kind of love that you can fall on, the kind of love that takes you in as your whole self (flaws and oddities and all) and says "you belong here" anyway, "i'll support every part of you". and we know this was exactly where dan found his sanctuary at 18 years old when they first met. in the same vein, it's phil so many years later saying i want you to be happy, first of all. YOU, the human in my life, before the "you" that involves your job/career/public perception/etc.
so when people laugh about phil winning the idgaf war it's because phil won't fuss over dan or wax poetic about how the fated creation of ranch parallels the fated creation of dan and phil (not over it), and that's simply because phil doesn't seem to express his love by *putting it out*. he expresses his love by *taking in*. his love is in his acceptance.
on the flipside, i feel like dan is someone who puts his love out (ironic considering he's the "love isn't real" guy, but). he shows his love in the million and one little gestures (see: him basically making half of phil's drink in the phantasy cocktails video) and proclamations of love (see again: ranch parallels). so, as you said, it comes across in a more doting sort of manner - which is just. well it's adorable.
tl;dr - they love each other more than anyone could ever encapsulate in a tumblr ask + response, but in different equally valid ways.
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mxtantrights · 9 months ago
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swept away, I’m stolen
a/n: and we’re back! Kind of. I don’t plan on writing more for this at the moment. Seeing as this was supposed to be just a one shot (I lied to myself here we are) I just wanted to have some fun now within this little universe I made. Writing a down bad Azriel is just *chef’s kiss* and I couldn’t leave you hanging like that.
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Azriel x magic!fem!reader
The sun feels weird. It has since you came back home. You don’t know what’s wrong with you. It’s like every time you go to lay out in the sun it feels wrong. Wrong. That’s the word. You suck you teeth and sit up on your elbows.
In front of you, down the hill, the children from summer were playing in the water. The way they play with water is different from the kids in day. These kids have more intricate water fights.
After completing both your missions Helion told you to go on vacation. Well, told is putting it prettily. He ordered you to go on vacation. He packed most of your things. He locked you out of your room and he knows how much you hate sleeping in the guest rooms.
It’s not like you were running away from anything. Lucien hadn’t scheduled a visit yet. It was taking a toll on Helion, he wouldn’t talk about it but he didn’t need to. You’ve known him long enough to know the dips his brow and the worry lines around his lips were because of his son’s absence.
And then there was the Azriel thing.
You don’t want to go back to the night court. But you do want to see him again. The way you two left things after he talked with you in your room that morning felt unfinished. 
Which is precisely why you’re here, in the summer court. Soaking up the sun, trying to forget about all of your problems at the moment so that you might find a solution. 
You couldn’t stand being home when you felt this way. You’re thankful Helion made you come here. You close your eyes again and try to call on the heat of the sun.
All of a sudden, instead of the mild warmth of the sun on your face you felt cold. You open your eyes and you find the culprit. A short red haired culprit. 
“Is that a fox I see?” You joke with a smile. 
Eris smiles back at you, “It is. Don’t you know foxes like to bathe in the sun?” 
“You never could do it with me.” You answer.
You watch as he takes a seat next to you. Eris always has this way of fitting in anywhere. An Autumn male through and through but that’s because he has his duty to the throne. He sits back on his elbows too, and turns to you.
“Slander. I’ll have you know lying against me is a crime.” He jokes.
You nod your head with a laugh, “I bet you’ll leave in five minutes.”
Then it hits you. Why is he here? Eris surely couldn’t afford to trot around on vacation. His father, ever the best parent, would not allow it. Seeing anyone happy but him makes all the blood vessels in his body combust.
“Eris, how are you here right now?” You ask.
He turns away from you.
“I winnowed.”
“You are so annoying you know that is not what I meant.” You say, turning back to face the kids once again.
“I like getting under your skin, sunshine.” 
“Don’t call me that either, flame-thrower.” 
The two of you sit in silence for a while. It’s nice. Peaceful. To anyone else it might perplex them. The sight of Eris sitting next to someone and not scowling or frowning. But to you it’s not that odd of an occurrence. 
“I have to throw my father off my scent.” Eris finally answers.
“Oh? Anything interesting?” You ask.
“Yes, and I have you to thank for that.” 
You look at him again. He was here because his next stop is the day court. And you doubt Eris would just go to the day court without a reason. 
Lucien.
He may not have scheduled a meeting but that doesn’t mean he wasn’t going to see his father. You smile to yourself. You’re glad that he was able to do it after all. 
“You knew, didn’t you?” You ask him.
Eris nods his head, “Lucien had a little slip up when we were kids. A display of powers that wouldn’t have come form Beron or our mother.” 
“You protected him.” You put simply.
“I just helped him.” Eris shrugs. 
Always the humble servant. You turn back again. The kids are starting to leave now. The water beginning to rest as they do. You were planning on going in after they left.
You sit up properly and start taking off your light shawl. 
“As much as I am flattered…” Eris trails off.
“We shared one kiss as blushing adolescents.” You laugh.
You stand up now and turn your back toward the sun. He takes your figure in. He wouldn’t be Eris if he didn’t. You throw your shawl at him, he catches it easily and puts it to the side.
“It was a kiss nonetheless.” He adds.
You spin around and begin taking off down the hill. The wind whipping past you and against your skin. You legs take you all the way to the water. The cold hits your feet first. Then you wade in deeper. 
When you turn around to find Eris, he’s gone. Like the apparition he claims to be to everyone. Keeping up with the rumors, you guess. You can’t help this gnawing feeling inside of you though.
That even though you turned around, and Eris was the one you were talking to moments before, you wanted it to be someone else…
-
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TWO DAYS LATER 
The bell on the door rings out through the shop. You huff out a breath and get yourself ready. You were helping one of the shop owners, Deji, white he was out to lunch. It was the least you could do in exchange for taking surfing lessons.
Deji wanted to give the lessons to you for free. But after you explained to him that your job title pays you quite handsomely he let you pay him some money. You felt it wasn’t enough so you let him put you to work.
A vacation where you had to work is weird but you don’t consider it work. You consider it a new experience. 
“I’ll be right with you!” You yell out.
With the crate of wax used for the boards in your hands you walked from the back of the store to the front. You set it down on the empty counter top and turn to greet the guest.
Safe to say you were not expecting Azriel. 
You’re glad you set the box down, you might have dropped it because of the surprise standing a few feet away from you. He was here. Right there. How was he here? 
“Hi.” He says first.
You smirk, “Only one word for me?”
He chuckles at that. It feels nice to hear the sound again. You didn’t think you’d hear it this soon.
“It’s nice to see you again.” He corrects himself.
You nod your head. You bring your hand behind your back, at least this way you can wring your fingers in peace. Why were you so nervous all of a sudden?
“It’s really nice to see you too. Are you on a mission?” You speak.
“In a sense. It’s hard to explain.”
Ah. So he is here on a mission. Maybe he came here to ask you for the blade again. You actually don’t have it on you right now. You had to hand it over to Helion as per the deal of this vacation. 
“Well I don’t have the blade so if—“ you start
“I’m not here for the blade.” He cuts you off.
“Good.” You answer.
Azriel is about to say something else when the bell rings out again. Both of you turn your attention to the person who just walked in. It’s Deji. Which means if he’s back you can leave for the day.
Deji looks at the shadow singer and greets him. He offers him a handshake which Azriel takes. You come form around the selling table and over to Azriel.
“I guess I’ll see you tomorrow.” Deji says to you.
Deji moves in front of you, and you position yourself in front of Azriel.
You can tell by the way he said it that he’s picking up on something. Maybe he thinks Azriel is your friend. Or maybe he’s thinking something else. Either way your insides are churning. 
“Yes yes, see you tomorrow Deji.” You say, hands still behind your back.
Deji smiles and walk over to the selling table. In the time that he does that, Azriel grabs your hand from behind your back. It stills you. No Still it not the right word to use. It calms you. Yeah, that’s it. Without another word Azriel is leading you out of the store, hand in hand. You look at your hands joined together. Fingers intertwined. You follow behind him wordlessly. He walks from the shop and down the little paths to the beach. You can barely see anything with his wings and shadows in the way.
And yet his hand never leaves yours.
The two of you walk like that without another word said until you reach a new place. One of the many beaches that you haven’t visited quite yet. There aren’t many people lingering around either. A few groups of people spread out on the sand and people in the water.
Azriel walks on the sand but you stop him. He turns around.
“I don’t want sand in my shoes.” You say as you reach down and undo them.
Azriel chuckles softly to himself and does the same. He holds his shoes in one hand, your hand in the other. You hold your shoes in your free hand. Azriel leads you onto the beach.
A bit away from the people there, he stops at a spot. Just a few feet from the water. You move to his side and look out into the distance. There’ nothing for miles. This must be the beach that faces the long ocean, away from the other courts.
You feel his thumb brush back and forth against the back of your hand. Like it did the day you left the night court. You can feel the heavy weight of that day come back to you ever so slowly.
You look over at him.
“I’m sorry for the way I left.” You speak.
His throat bobs. He doesn’t turn to look at you. Maybe he doesn’t want to speak about it. You don’t know what he wants. You don’t know what you want either.
“It’s okay, I understand why you left the way you did.” He replies.
“Doesn’t make it right. It’s not like you were to blame for everything.” You add.
“But I could have said something.” He says.
He finally, finally, turns to look at you now. He doesn’t look as sad as that day. Or maybe he’s gotten used to wearing his sadness. You still can’t understand what brought him to tears that day. There was no way you being mad at him made the shadow singer fall apart like that.
“I have to ask you something, but you don’t have to answer if you don’t want to.” You say.
“I’ll do my best for you.” He replies.
You squeeze his hand, “When I left, and you were overcome with emotions. What was that really about?” 
He sighs and looks back at the view in front of him. You stuck a nerve. You decide to keep looking at him. You don’t know if this conversation will go horribly wrong and if this will be the last time you speak to him. You don’t know what the future holds.
“It was about you. It still is. You are the first person in a very long time that has made me feel less of a monster and more like a living creature with feelings.” He explains to you.
“You think of yourself as a monster?” you ask.
He scoffs, “I know about the rumors.”
“And?”
“And?” He asks you back.
“If I let the rumors about me weigh me down I wouldn’t get out of bed every morning.” You answer his question.
You take this moment to stand in front of him. Your hands still intertwined. His eyes move to you from the distance of the perfectly blue ocean. “Sometimes I can’t help but let it weigh me down. And you leaving, just reminded me of who I am to everyone. Who I have chosen to be for most of my life.” He says.
“Who are you when you’re with me?” You ask.
Azriel can’t fight off the smile that forms on his face. You like that you are able to make him smile. You like that this sadness that coats him like a blood stain seems to wash away with the words you say.
“I don’t know, but I want to figure it out.” He answers you.
“I want that too.” You smile.
Azriel pulls you in to him. The two of you slot together turning on a light. So much science goes into the light but it looks so easily done. With your body pressing against his you can’t help but feel like something really did click between you two.
-
A WEEK LATER  You think you might have upset him. Not totally, but at certain intervals. He’s fine whenever you spend time together outside of the vacation house. You decided to let Azriel share a space with you instead of living two places that were across the city.
There were three rooms, so it’s not like the two of you would have to share a bed. He got one room. You got another. It was nice. You could run into him in the living room, or in the backyard, or in the kitchen. And he would smile at you and join in whatever you were doing, or invite you to join him.
But something strange is happening to Azriel. 
Every single time you offer to stay in and have food, he declines. Either he’s busy and needs to go somewhere. Or he’s already placed an order for food someplace else. Or he doesn’t feel in the mood for home cooking and just wants to go out. Which are all fine reasons, you didn’t think too much of it.
Until now.
Right now Azriel is making food for the evening. After you told him that you would be working with Deji to complete orders at his shop. Well, you came back earlier than both of you expected. Deji thought there was more work to do but underestimated how quickly four hands and two brains word. 
You’re watching from outside the house. You feel like a creep but you were proven right about your suspicions. Through the kitchen window you can see him mixing something in a bowl. 
This has to end, you think to yourself. You don’t want this to fester and become something ugly. You talk yourself up and walk over to the door. You unlock it with your keys and head inside.
As you cross the threshold you hear moving from the kitchen. Frantic moving. You really don’t hope that he’s trying to get rid the food he’s clearly making because you came home earlier than he expected.
You rush into the kitchen. Azriel’s shadows are everywhere, trying to hide the mess he’s created. Their master is looking right at you, something being hidden behind his back. No doubt the bowl he was just mixing.
“Azriel?” You shout.
“You’re back early.” He says.
You look around the kitchen. The spices are out. There are multiple pans in the sink. Flour is coating the kitchen counter. 
“Do I get to eat any of what you’re making?” You ask.
“No!” He shouts.
You step back a bit at his volume. You watch as he takes in your reaction. It takes him less than a few seconds to put the bowl down and walk over to you. He holds on to your arms, you can feel the sticky substance of something on your skin now.
“I’m sorry. I’m just that I'm not that good of a cook. I wouldn’t want you to get sick or something.” He explains.
You nod your head, even though you’re not following a word he’s saying to you, “I can take over if you’d like.”
“You can’t—I mean, I already started and you just came back from work you should relax.” He continues.
You squint your eyes at him. He doesn’t want you to eat what he’s making, he won’t even allow you to make something for him—oh.
He has a mate.
Cooking for someone else, someone who is not his mate, might be murky waters. Every bond is different. But maybe that’s just how his is.
You don’t want to think about how defeated you feel by your own conclusion. You don’t want to, but you do. Your eyes soften a bit.
“I’m so sorry if I offended you. I won’t ask about it again.” You say.
Azriel cocks his head to the side, “What just happened here?”
“Don’t worry about it.” You put simply.
Then you’re stepping back. Azriel lets his hands fall away from you. You turn around and head down the hallway to your room. You open your door and put yourself on the other side of it with bated breath. 
Were you just reading it all wrong? Maybe he just wanted to be your friend. He didn’t want anything romantic to do with you. How could he when he has a mate? 
You take off your shoes and crawl into bed. Suddenly vacation is starting to feel doomed.
-
TWO DAYS LATER 
Things have been awkward to say the least. You got work early in the morning and busy yourself. And if you get done early you make sure you have other places to be. The beach, the shops, anywhere that is not the vacation house. Anywhere where Azriel isn’t sure to be.
A part of you feel terrible for doing it, but another part of you is embarrassed. You practically made him move into the same house as you, you pulled him around the summer court to all types of places.  You let your eyes drift from his face to his body whenever he was shirtless!And all the while he probably wanted to do all of that stuff with the person he loves.
“Mother, you are hard to track down.” His voice calls from behind you.
You turn around quickly, not expecting it or him. You’re standing in the water, new day means new beach. 
He’s standing right behind you. Shirtless. Of course it’s a beach, and he’s in the water. You keep your eyes from drifting any further. You can’t look him in the eye for too long.
When you don’t move to say anything, Azriel takes a step closer. You take one back. This catches his attention fairly quickly. 
“Did I do something?” He asks.
“No.” You answer.
He rolls his eyes, “Are we really back to this? Again?” 
He crosses his arms over his chest. You can’t help but to look at his arms. Arms you shouldn’t be looking at. Arms that don’t belong to you. Arms that want to hold another person—a person who is not you.
“How long is your mission?” You ask him this time.
He shrugs his shoulders causally. 
“There is no duration on my mission.” He answers. 
“Don’t you want to go home? Don’t you miss it?” you try again.
Because maybe, just maybe, he can let you go. Right here, right now. He can end this illusion. You felt like the feelings you have towards him were reciprocated. But now, you know that even if they are they can’t be. He has someone waiting for him at home. You couldn’t stand in the way of that, willingly or unwillingly.
“Why are you asking me that? I told you how I feel back there,” He says.
“Yes you did, but do you really think your mate sees you as a monster?” You retort.
He looks at you confused. His hands fall to his sides. There it is. Now it’s out in the open. You don’t want to leave on bad terms, you don’t want to leave at all. But this is just some illusion. And you can’t break your heart trying to keep it alive. 
“What are you talking about?” He questions.
You wrap your arms around yourself. 
“I’m talking about why you wouldn’t let me cook for you. And why you wouldn’t let me have the food you cooked the other night.” You clarify for him.
He’s silent. And it shatters you more than anything. You can feel it deep inside of you. Your stomach feels like it’s tightening and unravelling all at once.
“I’m so sorry. I don’t know how to do this.” He speaks.
“How to cheat on your mate?” You ask, your voice getting louder.
You were getting angry. He’s acting like he’s not doing something wrong here, with you. Like he doesn’t have someone back home who loves him. Who is probably worried about him. 
“No. That’s not what’s happening here. I promise you.” He says.
“Then why are you here?!” You shout.
“Because of you!” He shouts back.
“You said you weren’t here for the blade—” You say.
“I’m not mated to the blade, I’m mated to you!” 
You watch as he can’t seem to catch his breath. Mated to you? You and Azriel? You didn’t feel anything. You still don’t feel anything. You slowly wade in the water over to him. What is six steps actually feels like a lifetime.
His eyes meet yours. He looks just as nervous as when you left the night court. You realize it now for what it was. He was emotional because his mate was leaving him. You don’t know when he felt the bond snap, but you know it was before that morning.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to spring it on you, but I could feel you through the bond. Your sadness and I couldn’t take it, it actually hurts to feel you so sad. And I—“ he rambles.
You don’t cut him off with words. In this frightening but equally exciting situation words wouldn’t do it justice. So you wrap your arms around his waist and hug him.
He lets out a choked breath. Once and then twice. Then you feel his hand hesitantly on the small of your back. You think about the time where you hugged him and he hugged you back without a second thought. 
It must have been torture.
“When?” You ask him so quietly, he might not have even heard you.
“Seconds before you saved my life.” He answers you. 
His arms wrap around you now, fully. It brings you impossibly closer to him. You feel his voice from his chest, vibrating against you. 
“Is that why you kept asking me about it. You thought I felt it too?” You ask.
He can only hum his answer. His head in the crook of your neck.
“And that’s why you didn’t want me to cook.” You say.
“I know it’s not exactly the same thing but I didn’t want you to think I tricked you.” He explains.
You pull back from him a little bit. As you do you see the hesitation written all over his face. You reach up with your hand and caress the side of his face.
“It’s okay.” You whisper.
You duck your head back into his chest. And you can hear him let out a breath. The water feels warm and so does he. This might have been the feeling you were searching for after coming home from the mission.
And it’s all because of Azriel.
-
ONE YEAR LATER
“It has to be dark so we can hide!” A voice says.
You press your ear against the wooden door. Inside the room were no doubt your students. 
Things have changed since you took that vacation to the summer court. You decided on a lot of things. 
The first being, that you would not longer guard the day blade anymore. That was a actually the first change you made once you got back to the day court. You asked Thesan if there was another way to guard the blade but still retain your role.
Of course he figured something out. Which was easy really. Hiding it in plain sight. The sun blade was made of one of the hottest tendrils of the sun, why not return it to it’s creation place?
“If you don’t be quiet she’ll find us!” Another voice yells.
You hold in your snicker.
And then came the kids. They are part of an exchange program between day and summer. Something about court relations being at an all time high and other things. All you knew is one day you woke up and were greeted with three children resting at the edge of your bed like it were normal. It was interesting to get used to. 
The three kids had been the ones you saw around the summer court. You’re closest to them out of everyone else. Those three followed you everywhere and told you practically everything.
“Can the both of you find another spot? You’re so loud!” a younger voice says.
You open the door and the room is thrown into darkness. Black shadows fill the room an in instant. 
There was also that. Well, not a ‘that’, but a him. Azriel. 
While he is still the ever scary shadow singer and mercenary of the night court, he does have time for normal things. Like taking a break from his duties at times. This is one of those times.
He showed up in the day court a few days ago. Something about unused vacation days and the house being too crowded and missing you. You liked the last detail a lot.
You look around the room, playing along, “I could have sworn this room wasn’t that dark. Where are the lights?” 
You move over to the window facing wall and reach for the light switch. When you flick it up and down and nothing changes you fake a dramatic sigh.
“I guess I’ll have to find another way to light this very dark room.” You say.
You raise your hand and call on the light from outside. You know already that Azriel has caught on because the darkness that is encasing the room is fading away. Slowly you see a bunch of your students all hidden in plain sight. They knew the darkness would hide them, that Azriel would hide them. Once they see you and you see them completely, all of them jump out of their hiding places.
Azriel is standing near the farthest wall from you. When your eyes lock with his you feel it. The snap of the bond. 
You thought it would be like fireworks or a storm. But it’s the opposite. It’s like all the noises around you quiet down to a hum. You can’t suppress the smile that forms and burns your cheeks.
Azriel is looking at you now with wide eyes. A smile quickly forms on his face too. 
“You found us!” One girl shouts.
It breaks you out of the trance.
She runs up to you and throws her arms around you. You hug her back while still keeping an eye on the other students. They were all coming up to you slowly.
You smile, “That I did. I think that means we can have an early lunch.”
They all cheer. The little girl lets go of you and nods her head eagerly. Of course. The only other ting these children liked half as much as playing around was eating.
“Can you all walk nicely to the dinning room and sit in your seats?” You ask them.
They all agree and walk in two lines out of the room. You turn and watch the go out the door. 
You don’t feel him sneak up on you until he wrap his arms around your waist. His head in the crook of your neck. He places a feather soft kiss there, which makes you lean back into him.
“Azriel, did you feel it too?” You ask him.
“I did,” he says, “but that doesn’t mean we have to rush into anything. We can take our time.”
You turn around in his hold to face him. He looks at you with that cheesy grin on his face. Slowly you reach your hands into his hair. He hums as your fingers scratch his scalp.
It’s a sight you’ve seen multiple times now. And it’s not like the two of you are abstaining from anything. Thesan has almost caught you more than once making out or in a very compromising position.
Azriel is a giver, that’s for sure. 
But this feeling its—
Ravishing. That’s what Nesta and Feyre called it. You had started talking to them again. Mainly looking for advice because they were the only two mated fae you knew of.
Well, you guess that’s not totally true. Elaine is mated. But she and Lucien are, whatever they are. And you still didn’t really get along with her. It’s not like the two of you are feuding, but you’re just not checking for her. 
Amren called this feeling a bunch of other words—ones that made you half nervous and half lustful. And you think she did that on purpose, just to get under your skin. Or get you to get under Azriel’s skin more like it. 
And that’s what you want right now.
You lean in, his lips just mere inches away from yours. He leans in more to cut the distance but you pull back just a bit. 
“Lock the door.” you whisper.
You hear the door lock on it’s own. No doubt one of his shadows. You don’t care really what locked the door. Only that it’s locked and now you have him all to yourself without a chance of interruption. 
Cutting the distance is easy then. Azriel’s hand snakes to the back of your head and is bringing you closer than close. You found it fairly quickly that if the two of you are alone there are no pecks. It’s open season for Azriel.
His tongue explores your mouth. 
His other free hand explores your body. A brush against your thigh as a particular sound coming from you. Azriel pulls away just for a few seconds.
“I like that sound.” He says with a wide smile.
He looks good like this. Hair all tasseled. You hadn’t even realized you did that. His lips look bitten and have a slight pink tint to them. You bring your hand over to his face, your thumb brushing against his lips.
You laugh to yourself, "I know you do. Wanna go to the house?"
Azriel nods along to your every word. It makes you laugh a bit more.
The house.
On his second trip to the day court, Azriel purchased a house. He had initially said it was so that he didn't suffocate you while he was here. Which you told him straight up that could never happen. But he insisted.
You're so glad he did.
All of a sudden the scenery around you changes. You're no longer in one of the many rooms in the day court palace. You're in the house you now share with Azriel. You haven't called it home yet but you know it's only a matter of time.
Azriel lifts you up by the backs of your thighs. He hauls you up in his arms. Your arms, stay around his neck. You're staring right at him, like he might disappear any second now.
He's maneuvering his way through the door and shutting it close with his foot. You can't help how happy you feel for guarding the blade. If you hadn't you wouldn't have Azriel.
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songsofadelaide · 6 months ago
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Guys are you seeing what I'm seeing? I—
*head in hands*
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she-whatshername · 3 months ago
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Tyrrish Men Headcanons you didn’t ask for but voted for
We back!!!
Prompt: How they would apologize after an argument
Xaden
Right to jail for this one lol
The crime: Keeping a secret from you and doubling down on his decision, leading to an argument
How he apologizes: He’s seriously conflicted about the apology. He doesn’t half ass anything and the fact that he’s apologizing for what he thinks is just trying to protect you tears him up inside a bit. You hear a knock at the door and when you open its Xaden with his hands on either side of the frame, head down and not looking you in the eyes. Eventually he lifts his head and you just see the internal anguish he’s going through because he wants to keep you safe but doesn’t know how to do that without keeping secrets
He uses your full name when he begins to speak, no nicknames. That’s when you know its real.
You pull him into your arms before combusts with emotion and he just MELTS into you. He’s now muttering full apologies into your hair, your shoulders, anywhere where his face is just pressed against you.
He wants to kiss you, but he’s scared of the rejection you may give. When you finally initiate the kiss, its over, love. He picks you up with ease and hauls you into your room for a more personal, intimate apology
Garrick:
Ooof, a tough one.
The crime: Takes it a little to far when teasing you. You walk out on him after he makes a joke about the stance you make before you fight on the mat. He knows that you’ve been working on it, and he knows that you’re not sensitive when other people say stuff, but you are when it comes to him.
How he apologizes: The man is chasing you dow the moment he realizes what he says. He doesn’t apologize though until he’s away from everyone else and its just you two. You still push him away and ask for space, he lets you have it. The next day however he’s finding you the moment you leave your dorm room, asking to walk you to breakfast, class, you name it.
His apologies are genuine and on point. He knows what he did wrong, he knows why it was wrong and he actually puts the effort in to change his behavior.
And if anyone does say anything about your fighting stance, he’s on them in an instant. “Cut that shit out, she’s standing just fucking fine.”
Bodhi:
Absolutely nothing, why are we even writing something. This angel could do no wrong, lol
The Crime: He yells at you. Ugh, and it hurts to write this one out!!
Yeah, I know. He is the level headed, sweet one of the group and that is absolutely true however I think Bodhi is the type of person to lose their cool every once in awhile. He is Xaden’s brother cousin after all. Like he’s got pent up emotions he doesn’t let out in a constructive way and it takes one moment to cause him to just lose it. And his fear of losing you or anyone else is projected as anger. He doesn’t mean it, but it happens.
So, he snaps at you. You’re tasked to stay behind while Bodhi and the others go out on patrol and you’re trying to convince him to let you go, saying that you’re needed there and you’re strong, which you are. However the back and fourth you both are having reaches a boiling point and Bodhi steps into his ‘wingleader’ voice and snaps with a “ I said no and thats final! Fuck, can’t you just take orders for once!”
How he apologizes: The moment it leaves his lips, and the second he sees you jerk your head, and take a step backwards he’s immediately apologizing. “Gods. I’m sorry. I’m, so, so sorry, love. I just can’t…I can’t…It can’t be you.”
He’s kind of short circuiting like Xaden but he’s much more of a waterfall of words whereas Xaden is all emotions behind the eyes.
He’s just embarrassed and ashamed he lost control like that in front of you.
Like, Bodhi would probably drop to his knees and start crying if you dont step in and tell him him to come into your arms.
“I dont deserve you.” He mumbles in your embrace. But you hold him still anyways. You’ve known him long enough to tell he’s genuinely sorry and you can see his fear through his anger
Is he off the hook though? Absolutely not. You give him a stern talking to about his behavior and he’s agreeing with everything you say.
And yes, you do get to come on the mission
And yes, yes. You best believe he puts a bouquet of flowers in your room or, better yet, hand them to you in front of everyone. Because, let’s be real Xaden learned that move from the Durran side of the family
Liam
Another precious one
The Crime: It’s not Liam’s fault, but I think it would be him not making time for you, and not seeing how much that hurts.
If we’re thinking of the Basgiath days, he’s Violet’s shadow, which means he puts her and his loyalty to Xaden above you. And that hurts.
You’re waiting for him in the hallway to talk to him and when you finally get ahold of him he’s distracted. His eyes are scanning for Violet. You tell him he needs to choose to focus on you or you’re walking away
“Please don’t ask this of me.” He pleads to you. But he’s still not making the eye contact you want. You’re done and leave him in the hallway.
You actively avoid him for a few days, even when he does manage to find the time to go look for you.
How he apologizes: Honestly, give one up for Violet who senses something is amiss and drags him to your room, pounding on the door to get you to open up so Liam can apologize. She takes it a step further and walks into your room and does her homework on your desk, saying she’s not listening so Liam can both apologize to you and keep his eyes on her.
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cattyb2 · 2 years ago
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Take a Break
Summary: As news breaks of an assassin targeting Senators in Coruscant, each Senator is assigned a Jedi for protection detail. Anakin Skywalker, a young Jedi knight has been taking his job protecting you very seriously. He grew on you, and finally let you convince him to take a break.
Warnings: flirty Anakin, then protective and serious Anakin, blood, guilt - gif not mine
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A meeting of the senators had just come to a close, the heavily armed room now leaving. Anakin Skywalker stood behind you the whole time, he didn’t make any commentary, not even a face as you argued endlessly with another senator. You couldn’t understand why anyone would want to prolong this war any longer. And you were mad.
You stood up quickly from your seat, your long evergreen colored dress swaying with your movements. The dress was nothing short of bothersome. It was exceptionally long, having a train, the sleeves fell so low around your hands, and the open back made a chill constantly run down your spine. You’re sure Anakin could sense how angry you were, and he learned in the past months of being with you to not ask. You’d come to him when you’re ready to explode, and he would sit down and listen to everything you had to say. He never disagreed, and often offered his own input.
“I cannot believe this is what we’ve come to!” You almost shouted while reentering your apartment. Chancellor Palpatine had each senator moved when these assassination attempts came to light. You left your small, homely apartment to get moved into a bigger one higher up. It had another room, as Anakin also stayed in this apartment to monitor you around the clock. It didn’t bother you, and he insisted it didn’t bother him. Of course, it was his job, but you’re sure the poor guy wanted alone time.
“I’m surprised you didn’t combust on the spot, Senator Y/L/N.” He joked lightly, though this was not the right time for it. You shot him a glare, which caused his smile to go into a smirk. He knew when he struck a nerve, he became very good at doing in these long months. “Alright, alright. I agree with you, you just need to get others to agree.”
“I cannot get others to agree when everyone’s head is so far up their own ass!” You shouted, forcefully ripping pins out of your hair, letting in fall down your back, finally providing  much needed warmth. 
“Senator,” Anakin said. 
“We’ve been over this. No senator talk when it’s just the two of us, please Anakin. I need one person to treat me normally.” 
“Your wish is my command, Y/N.” 
He was resting against the back of the couch, his arms crossed. His mechanical fingers moved with the utmost precision. 
“Does it ever, hurt?” You asked lightly, not wanting to offend. 
“My arm?” He questions, although he already knew that was what you were talking about. You nodded, staying silent. 
“Sometimes, other times I barley notice I’m without a limb. Depends on how busy you keep me.” He spoke calmly, another signature smirk on his face. You pursed your lips at the comment, but then again, what else did you expect to hear from him?  His laugh rang out clear as day, his arms moving to grip the edges of the couch. 
“You’re almost as infuriating as them.” You accused, trying to balance as you unlaced the summer styled wedges that adorned your tired feet. 
“You wound me.” 
“Good.” 
“Maker, you look like a baby trying to take its first steps.” 
You huffed, getting more irritated. You didn't want to bend over, not with him in front of you, and not with the low cut bodice dress you had on. So balancing on one foot while bringing the other up was the best solution in this current state. He knelt down in front of you, looking as if he was about to propose and confess his undying love for you. But his mouth stayed shut, lips still twisted into a light smirk. His mechanical arm reached out for your ankle, taking it softly, and resting your shoe clad foot on his thigh. 
Your dress slid, exposing your entire leg and pretty high up on your thigh. Although it was a beautiful dress, the low cut front, exposed back, and high cut slit made you question if you were ever going to wear it again. A common dress back home, wasn’t so common on Coruscant. 
You wanted to look away as he unlaced your shoes, if he looked up and saw the blush on your cheeks you knew it was over. He’d never let you live this down. But you couldn't tear your eyes away from him. Not as he gently placed your foot back down, reaching for the other. 
“Do this often?” You asked, trying to split the tension with some humor. 
“Would you be surprised to hear that you’re the first?” His breath tickled your leg, and you were sure he saw the goosebumps that it caused crawl across your skin. 
“Yes, actually. I would.” 
“Well I’m sorry darling,” He started, the name catching you off guard. “But with all my watching out for you, I haven’t much time to myself.” He dropped your foot back down to the ground, grabbing your shoes and stood back up. 
“Trust me, Anakin. If I had my way you’d be out fighting on who knows what planet. Not here, wasting away day after day.”
“I don’t consider protecting you wasting away.” 
“I know, which I’m extremely grateful for. But still, you’re a Jedi Knight, not a guard. They shouldn’t treat you as such. You should be off on the front lines somewhere, actually doing something for us.” 
“I’ve been gone for a long time, it’s good to be back home. Plus I needed a break, I haven’t been able to relax since I was living on Tatooine.” 
“Relax? I didn't even know you knew such a word.” 
“Oh please, despite all you’ve heard about me I can relax.” 
“Would you like to know how I relax?” You asked, not even caring if he didn't. He raised an eyebrow, waiting for you to continue. “I get out of this stuffy apartment.” 
Anakin rolled his eyes, chuckling. “I’m afraid that is a non negotiable activity. We haven’t found who is behind these attacks, and until we do you are not going anywhere.” 
“Well, I’ve heard there are some beautiful gardens the Jedi-” 
“No. Absolutely not.” 
“I’ve got you. What can happen?” You asked him. “Plus, only a Jedi can access these gardens I’ve heard about.” 
“Those gardens are used for meditation. And I don’t believe Master Yoda or Master Windu would view kindly any sort of distraction.”
“Oh, so I’m a distraction?” 
You couldn't imitate the look on his face if you tried, the eye roll and tight smirk. 
“Take a break, Anakin. You’ve been at this for so long, nothing is going to happen in...” you thought for a minute. “20 minutes.” 
“20 minutes?” 
“In and out.” You say, getting excited he was considering it. “I just need something other than meetings, angry senators, and this stuffy apartment. So, I’m going somewhere tonight, with or without you.” 
His eyes ran you up and down. Your dress perfectly hugged your figure, you were shorter than him, not by much. Your tan long legs made up for a lot of your height, although he never understood how you always managed to look so sun kissed. It’s not like you had much time to lounge around, especially not since the war started. 
“In and out, and I mean it. I get one inkling of a feeling, and we’re done.” 
“As you command, general.” You whispered, walking towards your room to change.
“Isn’t it me that is supposed to convince you to break the rules? This doesn’t seem like you, Senator.” The title rolled off his lips like honey, and your spine tingled. 
“It does seem to be backwards.” You admitted, realizing that ever since you were appointed this position, you seemed to become a different person. “But where’s your sense of adventure, Skywalker?” 
He watched you walk, you could feel his eyes boring into your back. Maybe it was the lack of sleep, but your ‘bodyguard’ was starting to feel a little bit more like a crush than he should. 
Within a flash you slipped the dress from your shoulders and stepped out of it. It felt nice to put on a pair of pants, felt like such a mundane thing, but one you cherished. Although you would agree you had quite the knack for being a part of the senate, it wasn’t where you wanted to live forever. Traveling to all the planets, touching the stars. That’s what sounded like a life, not arguing with opposing sides. 
You glanced at yourself before leaving the bedroom, you looked normal. Pants, a black jacket, pair of old working boots. You didn’t recognize the reflection staring back at you. 
“Are you ready?” Anakin’s voice ripped you out of your headspace. You didn’t even hear the knock, but his knuckles where resting against your door. 
“Yes.” You say with a smile, slipping past him in the doorframe and heading out of the apartment. 
Little did you know, he did cherish spending all his time with you. He had learned a lot, seen a lot, met a lot of important people. But most importantly he gained a friend, someone who understood him, who listened to every feeling he had. Someone he had grown to admire, someone he had grown attached too. One of the first important rules of the Jedi, and he broke it. Broke it trying to do a job given to him by the Jedi. He spent long nights gazing out into the distance of Coruscant, telling himself, convincing himself that this wasn’t right. He was given a job, an order, and he was starting to let this job personally affect him. He never wanted to let you out of his sight, whether it be his job, or not. 
But, little did Anakin Skywalker know, that you felt the same. 
In the beginning it was a tad tedious in your mind to have a 24/7 bodyguard. The constant communication every second, the constant shadow following you to meetings. But over these looming months, he had been a constant. You knew he was there, and always would be. No matter the Chancellor, no matter the outer rim, it was just him and you. 
As he escorted you to the gardens, it was hard to miss the lack of people around. Although yes, this was secluded, there was no one. No stray Jedi wandering about. It was silent, eerily so. By the look that homed in on Anakin’s face, you could guess he was feeling the same. His brows furrowed together, and his fists clenched tightly to his sides. 
“Is everything alright?” You almost whispered it, as if you weren’t supposed to talk. 
“Something about this isn't right.” He commented, eyes scanning the gardens. We hadn’t even entered them,  only standing in the doorway. The sight of green was overwhelming, it filled your heart with some hope. 
“It looks like home.” You whispered, this time not because you were worried if anyone would overhear, but because emotions clouded all your senses. You ignored Anakin’s voice, not purposely, but you couldn’t help just staring at what’s in front of you. 
“Y/N, we need to go.” 
You turned your head toward him, but everything happened before you could even move a finger. He moved, rushing in front of you, reaching for the lightsaber hooked to his belt. A blaster fired, the hit meant for you. There was a wind as Anakin hit the ground. The assassin fled, but that was the last thing you had on your mind. The only thing you could wrap your head around was the man laying on the ground in front of you, a blaster shot through his chest.
You started to scream, you screamed for help, hoping someone would round that corner. Hoping someone needed a late night meditation session.
“Y/N,” Anakin said softly, face scrunching with pain. You looked at him, you didn’t know when you crouched down but you held a type grip on his hand.
“We have to get you up, we need to find someone.” You started saying, but your words were getting stuck in your throat. “Please, please Anakin. I have to get you up.”
“I’m sorry, Senator Y/L/N. But you need to go, that assassin could still be around. I will not take the risk of him finding you alone. You need to leave.”
“I am not leaving without you.”
This groans intensified, and a light layer of sweat started to appear at his forehead. You knew this wasn’t good, you knew he needed help, and he needed it now. His Jedi robes were burned through, but the smell of flesh was fresh enough to make your nose crinkle. You wiped his longer hair out of his eyes, and stood up. Legs shaking, and breathing heavy you went to reach for his arms.
“Y/N. You need to leave. Go. Now. That’s an order.”
“Last time I checked, General. You cannot order me around. We are getting you up and we are getting out of here.”
He groaned loudly again as you tried to pull him up, you got him to a sitting position, but he wasn’t budging any further than that.
You kneeled in front of him, exposing your back to whoever just had tried to kill you. But you didn’t care about that, the only possible thing you could think of was Anakin Skywalker.
“Anakin. Get up. NOW. We don’t have time, I need to get you up and get you help. I can drag you the whole way once you’re standing, but I need you to help me.” You pleaded, one of your hands resting against the back of his shoulder, helping keeping him propped up, the other rubbing soft circles on his cheek with your thumb. “If you do not get up,” you started to say. “I will be forced to stay here with you, assassin nearby or not. I will not leave you alone, and if you die, then i’ll die out here with you.”
Trying to convince a stubborn man to listen to you was not the easiest task. But the threat of staying here was enough to panic him into helping you get him to stand. By whatever power you possessed, you managed to get him standing. He screamed in pain, his jaw clamped down tight, and his nostrils flared.
“Y/N.” He whispered as you linked your arm around his back, throwing his left arm over your shoulder. “Y/N.” He said again, his tone more urgent.
“I’m not leaving you behind so I’d just drop that if I were you.” You snapped, focusing on starting to drag him out of the gardens.
“They’re back. I can feel them.”
“The assassin?” You asked, your heart beat starting to race as you already knew that was the answer.
Before he could answer you, a familiar voice came from Anakin’s wrist. The com link. How could you forget about that?
“Anakin, Anakin.” It was Obi-wan.
You grabbed his wrist, ready to quickly tell him where you guys were, and that you needed help, and fast.
“Obi-wan, we are at the gardens. Anakin is hurt badly, we need -“
“Say another word and I’ll kill you both.” It wasn’t an unfamiliar feeling, having a blaster pressed to your back. But it wasn’t one that you ever wanted to deal with again.
The assassin stood tall behind both you and Anakin. You let go of the com link, hearing Obi-wan’s panicked voice still coming in.
“Senator Y/L/N? Senator? Can you hear me?”
“Turn around slowly Senator, and drop the Jedi.”
Anakin’s spine snapped up straight. His eyes going cold, and his breathing even more intense than it previously was. Whatever pain he was feeling, the burning wound on his right peck was no longer existent in his mind.
“Run, Y/N.” He whispered, unhooking his arm from around your shoulders. Anakin turned, shoving both his hands in front of him as the assassin flew backwards. “GO.” As Anakin drew his lightsaber, stumbling slightly, you turned and ran towards the council room. Someone had to be there, Obi-wan had to be coming once he heard about Anakin.
Your body came to a screeching halt as the sounds of blaster fire rang from behind you. Anakin.
You turned back around, determined to do something. What, you didn’t know. You weren’t a Jedi, you didn’t have the force, a lightsaber, you didn’t even have a blaster on you. You were utterly defenseless. Yet, still you ran in his direction. You shouldn’t have left him, why did you leave him?
“Senator!” It was Obi-wan’s voice. You turned towards him, tears prickling in your eyes. He wasn’t alone, Mace Windu and Yoda trailed behind him. Lightsabers drawn except for Yoda. You couldn’t pull your body away from where Anakin was. Your feet were frozen, but your mind was running wild. Obi-wan and Windu ran past you.
“Senator Y/L/N, with me you must come.” You knew he could tell you weren’t psychically hurt, but mentally you were battling yourself. You wanted to go to him, needed to see him. “Taken care of, he will be. Protect you, we must.” You knew he was right, and as the blaster fire finally ceased, you turned towards Yoda.
“Master Yoda,” You started saying. He just nodded, and motioned for you to walk. Your feet stayed planted, all your weight leaning forward, still ready to run in the direction of Anakin. But it was eerily silent again, and you were struck with the overwhelming feeling that you could have lost him.
“Come, meet them in medical bay we shall.” You knew there was no point in arguing with him, he’s far too wise to argue with. You silently nodded, ripping your head from Anakin’s direction and walking with Yoda.
You sat in the same chair for hours. Although to you, it felt as though days have passed. Yoda sat you down and stayed with you for a while, which you assured him was unnecessary. The threat was eliminated, which means not only are you in any harm, but also that there would no longer be a need for Anakin being with you.
“Alone right now, I do not think you should be.”
“With all due respect Master Yoda, alone is all I want to be right now.”
“Fine he will be. Guilt, you have. Very troubling indeed, but not your fault, this was.”
“He’s been with me every day, every minute, for the past couple months. Knowing his reputation I thought he’d get bored and break the orders he was given. But he never did. This was my fault, I asked him to take me there. I wasn’t listening when he said there was a threat. I did this.”
“You did nothing, Senator.” Obi-Wan spoke, although you didn’t even notice when he walked in. “This is no one’s fault. He followed orders, he protected you, also allowing us to catch this assassin.”
You sighed, running your hands through your hair.
“Maybe you should get some rest, Senator.” Obi-wan suggested.
“I want to see him.” You said, ignoring his comment completely. You weren’t trying to be rude, and all three of you knew that. But you couldn’t erase the rush of terror that filled your body when the events of the night unfolded before you.
“One must be mindful of their feelings.” Yoda said, studying me.
“I’m no Jedi, Master Yoda. I respect you, I respect all the Jedi for what they do. Anakin and I were pushed together by the councils doing. And in these long months he became my friend. So I mean no offense when I say tonight, I don’t have to mindful of a damn thing. I want to see him, I need to see my friend.”
You’ve heard about Yoda’s extraordinary wisdom and ability to read people. So he could probably read right through you now. Something about the young General made your heart skip a beat, yes, he was your friend, one of your best friends. But he was something more, a bit of happiness, and he reminded you of home.
You could sense Obi-wan and Yoda gazing at each other, a silent conversation over what to do.
“I’ll take you to him.” Obi-wan finally spoke, offering a soft smile. You only nodded, no longer trusting your voice.
The walk was silent, but quick. You had been ushered to change earlier, Anakin’s blood on your other set of clothes. The blue dress was simple, but elegant. More acceptable to see a senator in versus pants. As you came to the door Obi-wan stopped in front of it.
“He’s a little out of it, but shouldn’t cause an issue.”
“This is Anakin Skywalker, when has he not caused an issue?” You quipped.
“Right as always, Senator Y/L/N.” Over the months Obi-wan had also become more present in your life. Of course, not as much as Anakin, but you noticed him around more. You tried to get him to just call you by your first name, no formalities, but it never worked. Obi-wan was a rule follower, a senator you’d always be to him. As Master Kenobi walked away, you stood in the doorway and stared at him. He was sitting up right, and not bandaged like you thought. The wound looked more healed, like it happened weeks ago. It was still an angry shade of red, but it looked … old.
“Force healing.” He said calmly. You looked up towards him, peeling your eyes away from his chest.
“Ani- I.” You started your apology to him.
“Don’t. I don’t need an apology, and I don’t want to hear one.”
“You could have died. You could have died because I pushed you to do something. I pushed you when all you wanted to do was keep me safe.”
“I did my job, and even if it wasn’t my job, I would still do the exact same thing. If you haven’t picked up on that already, I’m afraid you aren’t using your head Senator.”
“You’re never allowed to do that again. Do you hear me?”
He chuckled, his normal, sassy, Anakin chuckle.
“Come here, Y/N.”
You sat down on the bed, slightly facing him. You didn’t want to stare at his chest, but it was right in front of you. His skin tanned, and his muscles rippled around with each breath he took. But you also didn’t want to stare at the wound.
“Thank you.” You whispered, looking down to your fingers. “Thank you for saving my life.”
“There’s nothing to thank me for. I did it today, and I would do it all over again tomorrow. If that’s what it takes to know you’re protected. That’s the price I’d pay, because there’s nothing I wouldn’t do to make sure you’re safe.”
“So stay with me. Don’t go, just live with me, be with me.” He was silent for a moment, taking in the words you effortlessly spoke.
“You know for a Senator you sure wear your feelings on your sleeve.”
“You know for a Jedi you have formed an attachment.” He laughed, a wince of pain flashed across his face but he barely let it show.
“Will you always fight me, Senator?”
“Until my last breath.” You confessed. He smiled, motioning you towards him.
“You sure you could keep this a secret?” He questioned, causing you to scoff.
“Yes.” You responded. “But only if you could keep this secret.” Before giving him the chance to respond, you turned his face towards yours and pressed your lips against his. They were softer than you’d think for a man who was just shot, and you smiled. You could feel him smile too, pulling back ever so slightly to gaze at your face.
“I don’t know if I can keep this secret, I must find a way to keep my mouth occupied so I won’t spill.”
“That was the worst thing I’ve ever heard.” You say, holding back a laugh.
“Kiss me, darling.”
This was Anakin Skywalker. The man, the myth, the legend. A name known in every corner of the galaxy. And you couldn’t be any happier to have his lips pressed against yours.
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hornytome · 2 years ago
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last night was something ELSE y’all. i wore my strap under my sweats while we were hanging out downstairs. she wanted to go to the corner store after sex so she was cajoling me to hurry the hell up and get on with it. we joke that she’s like a cat in heat when she’s horny, she just stretches out and presents herself for me. i was running my hands all over her body, and when she gave me that “hurry the hell up” look, i looked her in the eyes and told her to get down on her knees.
we go through phases of using different toys and positions, and this was only the second or third time she’s given me a blow job. she can be soooo shy, but last night she was just so fucking confident and sexy. she was putting on a little show for me, taking my cock in her mouth, spit dripping down my cock. i loved seeing the little peek of her tongue as she showed my cock some attention. when she made eye contact with me, i felt electrified. it was probably the most intense i have ever felt during sex.
she’s so shy usually, but we had a talk recently about pulling her out of her shell, and holy fuck, when she’s feeling herself? she’s so fucking powerful. If she knew how much power she holds over me, i’d be absolutely fucked. i may be the dom top, but fuck it, if she told me to drop to my knees and make her cum over and over again, i would. i would do anything she asks when she looks at me the way she did last night, like she knows just how sexy she is.
we couldn’t wait any longer, so i hauled her ass upstairs. she recently shaved herself completely bare (although i fucking love a hairy pussy, don’t get it twisted), and i could see her pussy drooling all wet and puffy. i love feeling her up and slipping my fingers in between her folds when she’s bare. i LOVE hair, but whenever she shaves it makes me fucking act like a FOOL. we messed around with a couple of different positions, doggy, cowgirl, the usual. on a whim i suggested reverse cowgirl, which we hadn’t tried before.
my GOD folks, the view alone made me nearly cum in my pants. the rhythm was tricky to get down, but when we did? she proclaimed later this morning that it feels even better than missionary. she rode me and moaned like a fucking whore. my baby couldn’t help herself. i’ve been building up my stamina lately and it felt SO fucking good to just be able to fuck into her so fast and hard. we already had sex that morning, but we couldn’t help ourselves. she was nearly screaming, and i had the perfect view of her pretty cunt wrapped around my strap. her ass forms a little heart shape, and i loved seeing it bounce up and down and i fucked her. i was soaking through the damn strap. she moaned that she wanted me to cum in her and i almost combusted. she’d only admit it at gunpoint, but she absolutely has a thing for cum. creampies, on her face, her tits, swallowing, all of it. even hotter? she says the only reason she likes that is because it’s me. god, if only i had a cock. i absolutely have to get that squirting strap on my wishlist.
it feels like we’re only at the very beginning of our sexual dynamic. we’re both learning and growing so much, and it keeps only getting better and better. i think the focus for the next few months will be helping Edith build her confidence and encouraging her to voice her wants and needs, which can be really hard! whenever i ask her a question, she clams up and gets all shy, but recently i’ve managed to get her to admit to what makes her feel sexy and wanted.
she admitted in this small little voice that she loves when i make her feel small and safe. she loves when i praise her, call her a good girl, my princess, my beloved. she likes spanking and the occasional mean name, but i’m getting the sense that she definitely leans towards the “small and little and safe” end of BDSM. she loves when i talk to her in that soft voice, when i take control and tell her what to do, when she trusts me to make the decisions and guide her. she doesn’t have too much experience or vocabulary about BDSM (or sex in general tbh) so its been a little journey getting here. sometimes she doesn’t know how to say or describe what she wants. she didn’t even touch herself until a few years ago—so this whole thing has been a lot for her. i feel very privileged that i can help her figure all of this out. she deserves to feel good.
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yourejinx · 11 months ago
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Undeniable Bonds
Azriel x F. Reader
Warnings: angst, as per usual. SPOILERS for other SJM series. Mentions of blood, descriptions of injuries, mentions of death, feelings. Not proof read.
Author’s note: Merry Christmas everyone! It took me MONTHS but is finally here, hope you like it. Sorry for making you wait for so long, life has been nothing short of chaotic. I'd like to thank @crazylokonugget , I read your comment. It was the rush of inspiration I needed to get back into writing 🫶🏻
CHAPTER SIX 
The moon was shining big and bright above the night sky in the city, there was music being played by the river despite the chilling winds of the winter and laughter filled the air around The Rainbow. It all seemed so livid, so peaceful and merry in contrast with the emotional turmoil brewing in your insides. 
You were feeling everything at once, every single thing you had tried to keep concealed for centuries now was ready to combust. You felt confused, and angry, resentful, wary…and underneath it all naively hopeful. It would be a lie to say you had successfully gotten rid of your feelings towards Azriel, if anything all the awful things you've done to each other hurted all the more because of that. He was a friend once, and a good one. Gentle, caring, protective, used to actually enjoy the other's presence, go on walks during the nights when the world felt too heavy, just silently supporting each other. Shared laughs at stupid jokes played at Cass and Rhys, sneaking around while in other courts just for the fun of it, knowing no one would ever find you. You were a team. Until one day you weren’t, he just decided it wasn’t worthy and that was it.  
How were you supposed to open up to this person, when he hadn’t even seen the worst in you and deemed you unworthy? How could you ever trust him again? Yet, here you were, walking side by side next to the Sidra like the old times. You could punch yourself in the face just for considering this, every anxious trait screamed at you to leave, you didn’t owe him a single thing, didn’t have to explain anything. So why did you keep walking alongside him? 
“So…uhm,” He started, nervously scratching at his nape. Trying. He was trying to be open, didn’t hold up that mask of coldness to conceal his emotions, not once. “You and Lucien..?”
“None of your business.” you snapped out of instinct. 
He avoided looking directly at you, focusing on some distant light across the bridge. 
You let out a deep breath, this wasn’t going to work. 
“Just talk to him.” Amren’s voice rang in your head. Try. You had to try, you didn’t have to let him know much just…let the conversation flow, right?
“It was a long time ago, even before Amarantha..” you started, casting a sidelong glance at him.
He turned to you, features soft under the moonlight. Gods, he was unfairly beautiful when he wasn’t an ass. You fixed your sight on the river, if only to keep on track. “Nothing really happened, we were young and drunk at one of Tamlin’s masquerades, we made out and that was it.” 
He nodded slowly and cleared his throat, “And now?”
“Is this what you really want to talk about? He’s my friend, not that I owe you any explanation. Or is this your way to ask if Elain is available now?”
You couldn’t help it, the audacity of this male prying into your private life as if he hadn’t been lusting after Lucien’s mate of all people. Hypocrite doesn’t begin to cut it. 
“I don’t care about Elain, I care about you.” 
You wanted to laugh. “Since when? If I recall correctly you despised me until a week ago, you were either insulting me or just blatantly ignoring me in favor of her, or anyone else really. Then all goes to hell and suddenly I’m worth living for?!” 
He grimaced, “You– you remember that?”
You sighed tiredly and sat down on a bench overlooking the Sidra. “Yes, I remember. I just…I don’t understand you.” 
Azriel just stood there beside you, shifting his weight uncomfortably, not being quite sure what to do.  When he didn’t move or say anything you continued, “I want to believe you,” you swallowed around a lump “but do you hear how it sounds? After all we’ve been through. I trusted you and you threw that in my face, how do you expect me to believe that you care about me?” 
This wasn’t going as he was hoping for, but at least it was something. You were speaking to him more than two sentences, which was a lot more than he deserved to be honest. You could yell at him, curse him, punch him in the face if you wished and he would take it. No complaints. Anything if it meant you’d show him how you truly felt, he wasn’t sure he could endure your silence again, knowing how much he had hurt you. He needed you to let it all out, so he could do something to fix it. 
“I don’t expect you to believe me right away, of course not. I know that I have to earn your forgiveness and one day if I’m one lucky bastard I might earn your trust back once more. But I also know that even when I try to make things right you may not forgive me at all, and I’ll accept that too. Honestly? I just want to know how you feel with all that has happened. The only thing that matters now is you.”
You let out a shaky breath, turning away from him. “I don't know what I'm supposed to feel, everything is a mess.” 
He moved then, crouching in front of you and grasping both your hands on his own, making you look at him. The earnest way he was looking at you, the desperate feeling swimming in his eyes that traveled all the way through the bond. It made you gasp, with all that’s been going on you forgot to put a shield up. Now you could feel him, all of him, which meant  he could feel you. 
“I have no damn right to demand such mercy from you, but if for a single moment you find in your heart a spec of doubt, a small sign of will to forgive this coward for wronging you so unfairly, I just want you to know how sorry I am, for everything. I regret it all, I wish I could take it all back. I’ll spend the rest of my life making it up to you, until the day I part from this earth I will fight for you.” 
You were quite sure your bottom lip was trembling as much as his hands were, trying miserably to contain the unwelcomed tears pooling in your eyes. Those were such nice words, the silly part of you that always longed for his recognition wanted so desperately to believe, but there were still too many unresolved things, too many questions still running frantically through your head. And one recurrent thought…
“Did I really have to die for you to notice?”  Your words hung heavy in the air, with a mix of accusation and vulnerability.
Azriel, gaze intense and haunted, looked as if you had just punched a hole through his chest. In that moment, the shadows that bound him seemed to soften, and he confessed the truth that had long eluded you both. It wasn't the brush with death that made him take notice; it was the fear of losing you that shattered the carefully constructed barriers around his heart.
"No, it's not about noticing, it's about realizing what it means to lose you," he admitted, his voice a low, gravelly murmur. Azriel's jaw tightened, a small sign that betrayed the internal struggle within him. "It's not so simple. The thought of a world without your laughter, your presence....Losing you was the worst of my nightmares coming true. I've always cared, but I let my past dictate my actions, and I was cruel to you because I couldn't bear the thought of history repeating itself. But I was wrong, and I almost lost you because of it."
“What do you mean?”
You had unconsciously leaned in closer to him and he swallowed audibly at the intensity in your eyes —obsidian black that sometimes showed swirls of violet and blue. Like lightning striking the midnight sky. They were a rare sight, a beautiful one, he knew that only happened when you felt too much. The telltale sign of the emotions you were so desperately trying to hold back from reaching him.  
“I will tell you everything you want to know, in time. I will lay my heart down for you to step on if you wish. But I believe that is a conversation on its own, I wish to explain everything to you and I don’t think I can do it tonight.” He looked almost pleading. “There’s nothing that can excuse the way I treated you, I’ve been a coward, and an asshole and you have every damn right to be angry with me, to hate me. That much I understand. I just hope you’d be willing to listen when the time’s right.” 
You supposed it was fair. It still made you uneasy and you pulled back a little, ignoring the hurt that flashed through his eyes. Given how strained your relationship was, you guessed it was normal he was still doubtful about sharing too much too soon. You weren’t that willing to particularly share much of yourself yet, if ever. 
Gods, you wished you could rage about everything that has happened, and hated the way his words had soothe an ache in your heart you were making an effort not to acknowledge. 
Time. It would take time to heal, and trust, and effort on both sides to make this work. Whatever this white flag he had weaved tonight meant. You knew it was the right call to make, for the sake of everyone, to try and make amends. That didn’t mean it was going to be easy, some things were too deeply engraved in your heart to let go. 
Did it make you a weak, spineless female to want to give in to him? What was the cost of it? 
“Alright,” you muttered, standing to your feet, Azriel followed you. “If I agree to do this, I’ll need you to be patient. I’m not ready yet to let you in, I still have my doubts about this. I think you understand why. But I want to try to be friends again, that’s as much as I can offer you right now.” 
Friends. That was a lot more than he had dared to ask for, even if in his heart he desired more. It wasn’t about him, nor his desires, it was about you and giving you what you need. So if what you needed from him was friendship, he’ll take it. Make the most of it. 
Azriel nodded, something sparkling to life in his eyes that wasn’t there before. The bond thrummed quietly with emotion. Hope. 
“One step at a time?” you offered, extending your hand to him. 
“One step at a time.” He repeated, taking your hand. 
It was awkward but welcomed, the feeling of something settling within your chest. The mating bond had been neglected for so long that the weight of it felt weird now, as if a missing limb had been spoken into existence. Azriel seemed to notice too, absentmindedly reaching his hand up to rub at his chest. 
You tried not to shudder when he gently tugged at it and opened your mouth to suggest keeping the ends closed for the time being. Unless until you were more comfortable with each other. It was way too intimate and overwhelming otherwise, and that you were not ready for yet. 
“Maybe we should–” you stopped as you felt something warm and thick dripping to your lips. Pressing two fingers to the spot and watching them stained red. Blood. 
Azriel quickly caught up to the movement, body stilling in alert.
“What's wrong?” he asked, stepping closer. 
“I don't know,” A strong pang shot too fast to your head making you gasp and causing you to fall forwards. Azriel’s arms instantly wrapped around your shoulders, holding you to him. His shadows were in a frenzy, surrounding you both while he inspected your face for any signs of injury. 
“Y/N? Talk to me, where does it hurt?” He sounded agitated. 
You could hear Azriel’s voice being muffled and muffled by the second, could feel his warmth and the firm press of his body against yours, but everything was quickly becoming a blurry image. Like some distant dream everything started to fade from sight, the whole scenery changing, twisting and re-adapting. 
Velaris had been replaced for a cold, dark room, the air thick and musty. The sound of crashing waves filling the otherwise silent space. Rusty chains hung wicked and ancient from the stone walls, an iron coffin sitting vacant across from you, open and expectantly waiting for its occupier. You couldn’t move a single muscle, only stare through eyes that were not yours, scent with a foreign nose, the smell of fear, and blood, and immense sadness. 
You blinked twice — or rather this…person whose mind seemed blending with yours did— and gazed down to gauntlet-covered hands. Iron, yet again. There was a slight tremble to this other body, a female’s body, from pain so deep from within her guts and the fire blazing underneath, it rose and rose and rose, flaring until it was pushed down and forced to remain still.
She looked up again, to the lone white wolf lying a few feet away, already watching her. The animal tilted his head to the side as if in contemplation and blinked three times. 
“Are you okay?”
—----------------------------------------------
Sound was the first thing to return to you, hurried, hissing voices coming from somewhere around you. 
“I swear on the Cauldron I'll have their heads on spikes as ornamentations for your throne.”  A low, deep growl laced with intent. You recognized Azriel’s baritone voice from beside you. 
Violet and blue-ish gray greeted you when you finally opened your eyes, immediately recognizing the Town’s House living room.
What in hell had that been? It occurred to you that you had dreamed about her before, the female, recognized the same lemon verbena and crackling embers scent from previous dreams, although never catching a full look at her. Who was she? Was she in danger? Was this a warning? 
Frowning you propped up to your elbows to sit, back resting against the couch’s armrest. Feyre gave you a soft smile, sitting down next to your legs. 
“How are you feeling?” She asked, worry staining her features. 
“I'm fine, just a little dizzy.” You craned your neck back to look at the male standing behind the couch, one of his shadows slipping away to caress your cheek before returning to his master. “What happened?” 
Azriel's honey gaze settled upon you, shoulders sagging a bit from relief at the sight of you awake. “You were unconscious for a few minutes, I flew us back here and called Rhys. I didn't know what to do. Are you sure you're ok?” 
“Yeah, I'm alright. Thank you.” You tried to smile softly but barely managed to slightly lift the corners of your mouth. He nodded, unconvinced. After a moment to cringe, you added, “Whose head are we having on spikes?” 
Silence. 
Rhys cleared his throat. “Your brother’s and Damien’s.” Suddenly the room’s temperature dropped. Feyre shifted uncomfortably in her place. We hadn’t openly discussed the situation yet. “If this is a side effect of whatever they did to you, we need to find the–” 
“It 's not.” you interrupted him. 
It wasn't like you didn't want to find them and finish what had started two centuries ago. But it was your fight, you didn't wish to trouble your family with it. Didn't want Rhys particularly involved out of anyone, he was the reason they came back. Albeit unbeknownst to him. They still lusted after his crown, his throne, they wanted vengeance. Your blood as well as his. 
Azriel stared at you, contemplative. You could sense he wanted to ask more but was debating whether it was pushing a boundary or not. It was all new to the two of you, too fresh to know what was appropriate. 
Fidgeting with your entwined fingers on your lap, you decided to offer some truth. Even if they didn't believe you, even if it sounded crazy. 
“This has happened to me my whole life. It doesn't always knock me unconscious, most of the time it's just dreams.” 
Rhys frowned but it was Azriel who asked, “What sort of dreams are those?” 
“I can't fully explain because most of the time I don't understand them. But it is almost like my mind goes somewhere else, like I share one consciousness with another. A female. Though I haven’t figured that out until tonight. I've seen scraps of her mind, and the places She's been, but I don't know her face.” 
You could practically see the engines in Feyre’s mind working.  She had stayed silent for most of the interaction, paying careful attention to each word. 
“And what happened in this…dream? What did you see?” asked Rhys this time. 
“Not much, she seemed to be in some sort of mausoleum? It was barely lit, few candles here and there. It had to be some isolated place next to the sea, I could hear waves crashing against rock. The air was thick and musty. There was a wolf with her.” 
“Do you think it is possible you're dreaming about someone in the Summer Court?” Azriel caught your attention once more. 
“I don't know, could be. But it feels off. There were chains on the walls…and an iron coffin. But she was alive, I think. Maybe she’s a prisoner?” You turned to Feyre then. “You’ve been there when stealing the Book of Breathings, does this sound familiar? Some place you may have seen?” 
She shook her head. “No it doesn't. That doesn't mean it does not exist, I didn't get to see much of the Summer Court. But why would Tarquin keep an iron coffin?” 
You sighed, rubbing your temples. “I don't know, it doesn't make sense. Why would I be dreaming of a female in the Summer Court? How do I relate to that?” 
“What if they're not dreams, per say, but visions? Like Elain's…” she pursed her lips, deep in thought. 
Azriel tensed beside me, I glanced at him from the corner of my eye. I hadn't seen Elain around that much after Solstice night, coming to think of it. Does he think it's my fault? 
“Hadn't thought of it that way. Honestly, I read too much, since I was a kid. I was convinced my mind made it all up until it started to happen during day time. But either way, I don't think this is the case. I mean, nothing that I dreamt of has happened, and if it did, it didn't involve any of us. So we have no way of knowing about it.” 
“It still bugs me. There has to be some explanation to it. It clearly affects you, I don't believe it's normal that these dreams cause you nosebleeds and make you pass out. What if it gets worse?” Rhys pointed out. 
“Beats me. I know as much as you do.” 
“We’ll have to look into it. Whatever this is, and whoever that person may be. Is there something else you remember?” Azriel's brows were pulled together tightly, but his eyes were gentle when he settled them upon me. 
“I just…one time I recall feeling her, here in Velaris. I — she— saw you two.” You pointed to your high lord and lady. Rhys stilled. “But it was like she was falling from the sky, or rather falling through. You were pregnant with little Nyx.” You told Feyre and turned your head to look at Azriel. “I don't remember much about it. I must have passed out, you found me in the hallway shortly after.” 
Azriel gave a tense nod. “I remember you lying face down on the top of the stairs, your books thrown all over the place. Your nose wasn't bleeding though, I thought you were drunk.” he said apologetically.  
I shrugged. “You didn't know, and I couldn't explain either.” 
“If this is a person that's been here without us knowing, then we must start to investigate immediately.” Rhys cut in. 
“But where do we start?” I asked. 
“I'll see if the wards of Velaris had been tampered with, for starters. Maybe we can find some imprint of magic. In the meantime I’d say you learn about bonds and connections, how they work, check your mental shields. If you have access to her mind then there's a possibility she has access to yours, there has to be a link somewhere.” 
“Alright, I'll start to look into it right away. There has to be something in the library about mental connections.” 
“You should rest now.” Azriel placed a hand on my shoulder. “I'll help with the research tomorrow. We can go to the library after training the Valkyries. If that's okay with you.” 
You nodded and relaxed a little. Ignoring the warmth that his touch had spread across your back. 
“Yeah, it's fine. Tomorrow then.” 
—---------------------------------------------------
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ramen8008 · 7 months ago
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I LOVE aged up Ladynoir dynamic because they are more mature and understand each other to a level that just AHHH!
One of my oldest and most loved Ladynoir head-canons basically goes like this:
Where as they grow older, they grow closer but especially during the time where the og friend group kinda separates because of college and Marinette being Marinette is like "you know what? not having close friends with me helps me focus on college AND ladybug" but she still NEEDS SOMEONE (whether she knows it at the moment or not) .
It gets tougher, the akumas evolve into causing more mental and emotional damage than physical, hawkmoth grows to understand that with their age and jobs it's easier to target their mind. During this time they've grown more independent than they should have. So one night they talk, they explain their situation, they vent to each other and decide that the comfort they feel with one another can't be compared to anything else. That maybe the other is more than just a work friend that they joke with, more than just someone they only see during the most stressful times of the day, maybe it's easier to find a best friend in someone who you've known for most your life, who you've been through thick and thin with, who understands you in ways most might never. So Chat Noir and Ladybug grow closer and closer.
They rant about college and work (Adrien works in his father's company now and did a business course so he doesn't have to model and Marinette has an Etsy shop on the side). They get close and have random night talks where they talk about things no one but them and the night sky will ever hear. Everything they go through as heroes, the ups and downs, and they also talk about fun stuff, learn more about each other, finding out that chat is a part of multiple fandoms, that Ladybug has a horrible bed head and hates that chat doesn't, that they more are more of a romantic at heart than they want to admit. But they also talk about just the struggles and anxiety that comes with their jobs, just how messed up what they went through as kids is now that they see it from an adults point of view, but they also just laugh it off, joke about the trauma some fights inflicted. Nightmares that keep them up, hopes they are too scared to say out loud, sometimes even the fear of losing purpose if hawkmoth is defeated.
There's so much more too. They have the kind of friendship where they make jokes and promises into the night about how if they are always going to be single because of their jobs they'll just get married in their superhero costumes. How ladybug is going to love making chat's kids little clothes and how chat is going to make sure that ladybug gets time with her future partner whenever there's an akuma by handling it for her. All the while not knowing that their feelings for each other keep on growing and growing. It's so huge that it feels like their hearts will combust but it's also constant to the point that they get used to it.
It hits them like a truck yet it's so slow, maybe just talking one night and it hits them that they can't imagine life without the other, that they want the other in a way that's more than what they ever thought, no they've thought of it before, they've jokes about it but never acknowledged the truth this jokes had in them, never acknowledged that over time they became to lean on each other more than just in battles, they became each others partners in more than just fights against akumas, more than in a platonic way. They've always loved each other but their love had grown into something much stronger
P.s. thx @rosekasa for reigniting my Ladynoir head canons and now I'm on a journey to go through all my head canons 🤍
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naranjapetrificada · 1 year ago
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The first thing I should ever have said about Izzy and the last thing I intend to say until at least October 26th.
[Although I am not Her strongest soldier, so who knows if I will stick the landing.]
So to start with, I was a "late" arrival to the show. I knew it existed of course, but I only occasionally saw things that reminded me it existed. The first time I saw a mention of "grumpy/sunshine" it was with a picture of Ed and Stede, so I guess on some level I knew there was shipping going on, but that was literally all I knew. I didn't even know it involved Blackbeard lol.
Which is all to say that I first approached and watched season 1 removed from basically anything anyone had to say about it. I think what actually got me to watch it wasn't anything anyone had to say either, it was from youtube recommendations? Like I think I had watched a couple Taika interviews or something and ofmd stuff started showing up? So after catching a few clips and intentionally spoiling the kiss for myself (life is too short to be queerbaited) I watched it in April/May 2023, and was Changed by it the way so many other people were. It grabbed me so hard I started looking for fics, and when fic grabbed me even harder I became a regular tumblr user for the first time ever in June 2023.
What I didn't do, before the second half of 2023, was care particularly much about Izzy Hands.
I remember describing him as psychologically fascinating to the first IRL friend I talked to about the show, and joking that he just needed a good dom. As much as his decision to call in the navy was a threat to Stede's and Ed's lives, I saw his actions as part of a thing needed for the story, and while I knew he was one of the season's villains there wasn't really any heat behind that assessment.
For me he was there to set things in motion, and to serve the narrative in certain ways, to be a foil, more storytelling tool than man. That doesn't mean I didn't think Con did an excellent job adding layers to him, he absolutely made Izzy take up space and feel more present and textured than he otherwise might have. But when I began to zoom out and consider things on meta level, Izzy existed to do a certain thing or occupy a certain place in relation to the narrative and other characters more than anything else. And that was fine.
Then I started reading meta here, and found myself surrounded by passionate conversations about Izzy from many directions occurring with an intensity that I couldn't wrap my brain around. I saw people tying themselves into knots to justify and excuse the behavior of a textual antagonist, and I was baffled and because I still saw Izzy for what his role in the narrative was, it literally made no sense to see his behavior explained away. In the framework I brought to the fandom when I first arrived, trying to explain away Izzy's behavior would be like looking at a forest fire and trying to explain away processes like combustion and oxidation. Or if you'll allow me to borrow another extended, nature-based metaphor from a fic in an entirely different fandom:
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Again, because from where my head was at, it didn't make sense to look at Izzy's morality as a zero sum game because in this metaphor, he was functionally just a brackish body of water. I'm not saying the morality is brackish, I'm saying the morality was literally not the point because like an estuary, an antagonist "must exist" because antagonists exist for specific reasons directly related to storytelling goals.
So there was no real heat behind my feelings about him or his actions, beyond the natural emotional reactions we have to characters and their behaviors before we zoom out. I was of course upset with his treatment of Lucius, which was targeted compared to other members of the crew. I was annoyed with the way he talked to and about Ed. I laughed when his plans had the equal and opposite results of what he intended, which you could argue happened with every single plan he made for the entirety of season 1. And yes, especially as a Black person living in the US, I felt the fear and betrayal that comes from seeing someone call the cops (which given the show and its writers, it does not feel like a stretch to describe calling the navy that). I wondered if there was any coming back from a choice like that, which is a big overriding question for the series as a whole.
I'm not here to debate any of the points in the previous paragraph. I know how I feel and you feel how you feel and there's already been so much said about the morality of it all by people who have explained themselves well, so let them convince you or not. Instead I've been trying to talk about the two sides of my experience before and after getting into the fandom with Izzy.
Before: Izzy Hands, Narratively Useful Antagonist Portrayed Compellingly And Effectively by Con O'Neill.
After: Izzy Hands, Unfortunate Avatar Of The Sadly Common Tendency For Certain Fans To Hyperfocus On A White Antagonist Or Secondary Character When There Already Exists A Protagonist They're A Foil Of (And Also It Looks Bad TO Do That When The Protagonist Is Someone With A Marginalized Identity).
I'm not here to argue the merits of those assessments either, because that's not the point. The point is the vast gulf between them and how the latter does such an incredible disservice to the Izzy we were given and that so many people claim to love. The latter comes from a place where morality is the focus, which I'm sorry y'all, feels like it originates with people who refuse to countenance Izzy's role in the story as well as his characterization.
Viewers who were willing to see Izzy as an antagonist, who don't view the word "antagonist" as a value judgement in and of itself, who don't think that finding an antagonist charismatic or compelling means anything about their own morality, those people can look at the show we were given and take it for what it was made to be. I'm not saying that it's only the Izzy stans (not enjoyers, not jar people) who start fights or that people who understand that Izzy is an antagonist don't also have deep morality related feelings about him and his actions in the first season. What I am saying is that sanding off Izzy's rough edges and trying to make him into something he isn't poisons even the possibility of having a discussion about him because people enter the conversation with two completely different understandings of reality. If you cannot accept the job that season 1 Izzy was given to do to move the story along, well you might as well have watched a completely different show for how much that fanon Izzy has anything to do with the canon one.
This show deserves better than that. The writers deserve better than that. Con O'Neill deserves better than that. Israel Basilica Hands deserves better than that. We all do.
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