#hyperfixation what are you doing hyperfixation

[cristalknife]

and that's why my social circle and friends who stay in my life for the long haul, turned out to have some flavour of neurospicyness. Parallel quality time? The best of both worlds: company and doing the things you like. Listening to rambles and infodump about each other's special interests or current hyperfixation? The greatest way to quickly gain more information and learn something new added to the joy of seeing your people shine in happiness even if you have no clue of what they are talking about.

My doctor and therapist: now with this autism + ADHD diagnosis you need to learn to unmask because masking all the time will make you burn out again and feel like shit

Other people: well it's just interesting how after getting the diagnosis you suddenly start behaving like that I mean I'm not saying you're faking it's just funny how you suddenly cannot be normal like you were before

[genderlessjacky]

Dissecting the intro to Arcane S2 and predicting what the season is about before I watch it bc im hyperfixating , (pt1 because I'm gonna do the whole series)

THIS SCENE of Vi standing down bc she is still VI underneath it all , she hasn't changed , she still loves her sister , she is still clinging onto her sister , I KNOW that the line "you finally got the name right" scene happens but I saw the clip where she refers to jinx and powder as two different people and "Im not gonna let you stain her memory" so she still loves powder , she isn't killing powder , she has been dead a long time ago , she is killing Jinx now

and this scene where she stands up and does the 'pew' thing , it represents her finally leaving powder behind , bc we know in S1 , powder was still inside of her , the animators confirmed it with the rig turning powder expression to jinx but I sense this rig wont be used in season 2 . this can also be seen as her 'rising' to the throne , to take Silco's place as leader . Rising up from the ashes she created. and the way the light frames on her eyes can also represent her fully embracing jinx

also this little cut of VI not being there probably means she doesn't consider her a sister anymore , VI isn't in her life anymore , Silco isnt in her life anymore , she kills anyone who gets near her . so its just her now

GAHH this shot of Ekko standing on the line as in him standing on the 'line' between Piltover and Zuan , being the neutral side of the two battling cities is great framing actually , but the way his feet stand out perhaps means he is finally taking action in S2?

and here we see presumably Victor , with a blanket , staring at the mask , and the line is there AGAIN , so maybe he is also leaving Piltover? perhaps to return to Zuan or stay neutral if were taking the line of light into account? maybe he finally took the 'mask' off , seen the two sidedness of piltover and had enough of it

and here we see Ambessa sitting in her luxurious couch , draping the cloth over her and holding a black rose while ignoring all the scattered roses behind her , maybe Noxes is somehow involved in all this , maybe the scattered roses she is ignoring mean her past , and how is she ignoring it and only focusing on the one perfect rose in her hands .

"When my back is to the world , that was smiling when I turned" were the lyrics playing here , I heard that Cait's mother died in the explosion from somewhere so maybe this means she is gonna take drastic actions out of grief that noones supports , and it ends in someone betraying her or turning against her or she does something irrational that pushes everyone who supported her away?

"tell you you're the greatest" and here we see my boy Jayce being blinded by some type of light , and now we know that Jayce in S1 fully bought into the two sidedness of Piltover , maybe this season he somehow 'wakes up' , a light of truth shines of him , he is also injuried so maybe it was something that injuried him , that got though all his defenses , that finally woke him up to the truth

and HERE is the same black rose that I assume Ambessa was holding , maybe this season she somehow faces her past? the petal falling down may represent her somehow 'falling down' from grace?

okay if we assume this rose represents her past somehow or something she regrets , and its in the line of light and its framed in a way that it looks like a door is opening , maybe this season will bring to light her past or the thing she regretted? and she seems unwilling to put the rose in the light so maybe its against her will or something ,like she is forced to do so , maybe someone in her past caught up to her +

she is also seen scrunching up the rose the next scene so maybe this means she is trying to hide it or destroy the 'danger' from her past?

okay so the light is framed across her face and I've established that I think this line in some scenes means some sort of line between piltover and Zuan and in some scenes mean bringing something to light (and in some scenes its just for the aesthetic appeal) , and since she tried for peace in the last season before the whole jinx explosion thing. maybe this season she also tries to stand for neutrality , but the shadow hands maybe represent something or someone is forcing her to choose a side

and here we see jinx waving some sort of flag , and flag waving can mean declaring war on someone , and she looks transfixed on the flag , like shes mesmerized but also a look of sorrow? maybe she finally decides to finish what Silco couldn't , destroy Piltover and it has become her only goal

AAA okay the V on her face being an amazing detail aside , the light seems to be shining on her eyes alone , making the eye look like a similar color to Jinx's eye colour , so maybe proving my point that she somehow accepts that powder is gone and Jinx is the only one in her eyes

OKAY THESE FEW SCENES ARE A JOY TO FOCUS ON SO The lines colliding together , maybe means they are finally working together? being on the same side to stop Jinx?

OKAYOKAY SO the way they look at each other before hand and rush and kiss each other and end up 'butting heads' or flying apart? maybe they get together in this season but something or someone or some belief keeps them apart and they end up 'butting heads'?? POSSIBLE YURI MAKEUP AND THEN DIVORCE???

okay so this basically confirms that her mom died in this season or something major happens bc like the X written all over the scene and her panicking??

and also the hands in her shadow made it so that you can barely see any of 'her' in the shadow , perhaps this grief of her mothers death somehow scumming her so that she didn't even recognize her herself anymore

and her looking into the camera like she realized something , maybe she knew how horrid she was acting and the choices she made were wrong but still brought into them

and the way ekko ONLY runs on the line and never passes it? the fact that there are TWO lines maybe means he is uniting his forces against both piltover and zuan , viewing them as one entity or he is finally staying on one side?

and here , it blurs into one line , the other line cutting off and he jumps to the other line , it might mean something...

and jolly the way he jumps over the line , his feet not touching the floor and reversing time before her gets to the other side?? I fully support Ekko being a major player in this season

and the the next scene , the way Mel yells and the shadow hands immediately back away , maybe this season she is finally taking a stance on something

AND AHH the way she is in the same chair and instead of a red gown , its a white gown she is wearing (symbolizing purity ectect but ALSO possibly symbolizing her unwillingness to kill aka the reason she got booted out of Noxus) and instead of holding the black rose , she is reaching towards it and wanting to touch it and figure out what it is!! and she is also in the different pose then Ambessa , instead of looking all aloof on the couch , she looks down to earth and serious

and victors hand blocking the light and said light being the light that presumably shined on everyone , maybe he is also finally seeing the light in a way while the other had only a glimpse of it?

and him putting on the mask like RAHHH maybe he is going under some sort of facade? embracing the mask if you will? going undercover?? Turning into machine Herald??? PT 1 (you are here) / PT 2 (WIP)

[gem-de-lune]

Daily Vibe Check 11/12

Seunghan

5 of Chalices + 3 of Swords + 3 of Wands + 3 of Chalices + 8 of Wands

There is a heavy emphasis on paper/mail/notices. He is waiting on something, such as a notice or news. We know that he has been waiting for quite some time now. Due to the lack of answers, he was able to really focus on being okay with that. But now I think since yesterday the anticipation after being fed a literal pea sized amount of not even good news but the THOUGHT of good news, has him dizzy with anxiety. He wants to be able to celebrate with his members and wants to quickly have this situation come to an end so they can move forward. His patience is being worn thin, waiting for a final firm answer, rather than feeling consoled. He feels desperate for everything to end and be okay. He wants things to speed up; he is doing his best to proactively make it happen, but it is exhausting. he is really tired lately.

What is primarily on his mind?

10 of Swords

This is about rebirth from a terrible soul crushing situation. Just like above being how he feels. He cannot get his mind off of this situation ending so he can start anew and be vetter than before. He is really hyperfixating on resolution.

Bottom of the deck:

2 of Pentacles

The overall energy he exudes today is very forward, somewhat controlled but intentional. He is desperately whipping something up and hoping it's the correct steps to take on the matter. But he is overwhelmed at all the other possibilities and what-ifs. He should seek balance today by mellowing out and relaxing, but he may struggle to do that.

Final Notes:

He is just anxious today. I know many of you read these for emotional support and motivation, but if you can, at some point during your day, just close your eyes and breathe deeply. Think about Seunghan positively and let him know that you are there for him. Energy is all around us, and if many of you do this, he will surely feel it on a subconsious level. Please send him those positive vibes today. He needs a hug.

He is still waiting for an answer, just like all of us. He wants all of it to end just like all of us. Please continue fighting for him!

[justin-chapmanswers]

Hey Justin! Quick question (okay maybe not so quick after I write this),

What are you and the other guys’s (Adam and Brian) thoughts and plans after you release II S2 E18? Are you planning to do anything with the characters after it?

What are your thoughts on (I don’t want to say ending oh my goodness) finishing? this season. Is there going to be anything else or are you just done for good. (NOT IN A MEAN WAY IM SORRY)

I’m just curious since I’ve been hyperfixating on II for a while now, and I’ve been working up courage to just ask my idol a quick thing but AAAGGGHHH WHO KNEW HOW SCARY IT IS.

Anyways, I hope you’re having a great day or night, and hope you aren’t overwhelmed or overworking yourself.

AAAGAGGHHHH BYEEE STAY SAFE HUBFRBFHURBFHURDR

- 💙 Queer ahh anon (OKAY IM SORRYHUCNFUHFR)

Hihi! Thank you for the sweet words.

Unfortunately I can't give a clear answer right now, because it's so up-in-the-air. We've thrown around ideas for II and non-II things. It really comes down to what inspires us most after this season has wrapped. If there's a big II story still to tell, we'll tell it. If something else calls to us, then we'll turn in that direction.

I don't have a lot of time to search it out, but I'm sure there must be at least one or two asks on this subject from a long time ago in which I responded with like "it would definitely be a very different world after this season" and I'm sure you can see why already haha.

I would be sad if I had to say bye to II forever after this, though. Whether or not there's anything more, season two's finale is written so that it could be an ending. So we'll seeeee.

[lastoneout]

As someone who is on a mood stabilizer(lamotrigine, in fact) what's happening to the people in these screenshots is not what happens to the average person who has hobbies and fandom-adjacent interests. My meds have never stopped me from loving with my whole chest, instead they simply give me the ability to balance my intense love of things with my real life wants and needs in a healthier way. They give me the ability to stop playing Minecraft before I give myself a migraine, or stop thinking about my OTP long enough that I can make a phone call and actually focus during it, that sort of thing. I don't stop having hyperfixations, I just am able to have one and also have a functional life too.

But these people were clearly missing something important in their lives that's place was filled by a truly unhealthy obsession(or like. had mold poisoning. that person is an outlier dw). They use the word hyperfixation but like, I don't think that's really what's going on. This isn't a bog standard hyperfixation on like Hero Academia or WWDITS, these were obsessions with real living celebrities, and fandoms for celebrities tend to take a dive into conspiratorial thinking and vague cult-y behavior REAL fast. Like, I mean, you can be a fan of a celebrity or band and be normal about it ofc, but I see the conspiratorial thinking pop up a lot more and faster in fandoms for real people. Genuinely combing over every single thing Taylor Swift has ever done or said 500 billion times to compile a dissertation on how she's been subliminally telling her fans for years now that's she's gay and attacking everyone who says otherwise because they don't get it and are just homophobes and like, fucking stalking and threatening her ex-boyfriends and spending every spare moment of every day posting about it with other people who are doing the same....that's not healthy. That's not a normal special interest or hyperfixation. That's clearly someone who is missing something crucial in their lives, be it connection with other people or stable brain chemistry or a community, and filling that hole with something similar but extremely dysfunctional shared with a community of people who are also unhealthily obsessed and thus promote and encourage unhealthy fixations and conspiratorial thinking at the expense of every single part of the rest of their lives. This is on the same level as like, someone's grandma who has always kinda been convinced Elvis' death was faked and in 2016 accidentally fell down the Q Anon rabbit hole, not someone who thinks about their blorbos holding hands before they fall asleep at night and is begging for someone to ask them about the tv show they're from so they can info-dump.

And like yeah fandoms can get you like that too, I've gotten too deep before and fallen in with conspiratorial thinking(almost always around ships tbh) and whenever I get out I feel pretty ashamed of letting that free dopamine and validation roller coaster make me act like someone I'm not, and ofc some fans will stalk and harass the people behind their favorite show or movie for ship validation or write up massive conspiracy boards about how "xyz ship is def endgame trust us see we connected the dots and we will destroy the lives of anyone who disagrees including the people who make the damn show" like I was at Phoenix Comic Con the year Andrew Hussie got mobbed(but not in the mob!! thankfully I didn't get caught up in all that!!), I know how fandoms can be, but overall what's happening in these images isn't something the average fan needs to worry about. If you aren't writing conspiracy boards about celebrities sexualities or an OTP and harassing the celebrities/creators about it, sending death threats to real people who disagree with your theory or like other ships, and spending every spare second of every day posting and talking about them to the point that you literally, physically, don't have time or energy for anything else then you don't need to worry about meds making you not like your favorite webcomic as much anymore. What these people are going through is framed through the lens of fandom, but was far closer to going to a Flat Earth Convention in terms of actual behavior and outcomes.

Your meds shouldn't make you stop liking things entirely. When I think about not liking things I genuinely loved as much as I used to I get a little sad because I miss them, when I think about getting riled up because I believed a show runner was specifically trying to spite ME I feel embarrassed, and I'm glad I stopped doing it and moved on to things that actually make me happy and aren't borderline conspiracy theories. That's the difference. These people aren't sad, they are straight up happy to be out, talking about how it's wild to look at the insane things they believed, and putting focus on how their lives are better now. They clearly don't miss these things because they've moved on. Or, in the case of the BTS person and probably the swifties, they still do like the artist or actor or band, they just aren't Obsessed(tm) with them to a truly unhealthy, world-view altering degree anymore. They can still love these artists and actors without that obsessive love taking over their entire lives.

So nah. The average fan does not need to worry about meds doing this to you. These people were outliers in unhealthy situations that improved when they got the things they were missing. That's almost certainly not what's going to happen to you.

(But also yeah even if you do find your interests changing, that's not always a bad thing. Interests change, we find new things to love all the time, it doesn't invalidate the joy we found and friendships we made to recognize that now we want to post about a different show or movie or comic. That's just how life is, we change.)

And if you don't like the way meds make you feel, you can tell your doctor and stop taking them. There are some meds out there that make me into a zombie that no longer cared about anything at all. And so I stopped taking them, told my doctor, and we worked something else out. Don't be afraid of change, but also, if it sucks hit the bricks.

[ckret2]

What year does Gravity Falls take place in? I've been having this argument with a friend between 2012 and 2013. You always seem to have answers to these things , just thought I'd ask you :)

Oh yeah good question good question hold on while I just

Officially? The authorial intent was that the show happen in a vague universal everysummer. It's neither 2012 nor 2013. It's 20-feel-it-in-your-heart.

Based on what supplementary canon materials imply they WANT you to believe? 2012.

Based on what actually makes the most internal mathematical sense if you RIGOROUSLY scrutinize EVERY BIT of canon material we have and choose to treat AS MUCH OF IT AS POSSIBLE as if it's CORRECT & INTENTIONAL in order to line the show up with a chronological timeline? I'm pretty sure it's 2013.

But this is the same writing crew that didn't realize until AFTER A Tale Of Two Stans aired that they'd accidentally made Shermie like 30 when his grandkids are born. (Yes, Alex has confirmed that the baby was supposed to be Shermie, and also that they didn't do the math.) The timeline's riddled with internal contradictions and even changes when some events happen between the show & the books.

This is a case where if you ask "did it ACTUALLY HAPPEN in 2012 or 2013," it's kind of like asking "Which of the Spider-Man origin story movies is ACTUALLY how it happened?" Well none of them are "actually" how it happened because there is no "actually," it's all made up and there's no objective truth underneath the surface that's possible to uncover.

If you wanna go all the way down the "what the hell is up with GF's timeline rabbit hole," you want Hana Hyperfixates's timeline video and/or tumblr timeline.

Personally, I put it in 2012 because I like it and because I feel like the creators weren't trying to put GF in 2013, they just accidentally backed their way into it. 2012 is when the show started, early in the series that's what year they "act" like it is, and it lines up with the June & August calendars we see in the show. I ignore the minute timeline contradictions because I don't particularly care about 'em.

[crazylittlejester]

LU Links as Things I Did in the Month of October

except i completely forgot i had this in my drafts so its a week and a half Late

Time: Cried for an hour over a stomach ache that was completely avoidable (he’s lactose intolerant, he just doesn’t let this stop him)

Warriors: Forgot what it was like to feel like a person because he spent every waking moment writing, working, or doing research and towards the end of the month came to the horrific realization that he doesn’t remember what it feels like to not be absolutely exhausted. Spent a week touching grass and now he’s completely fine

Twilight: Laid sprawled out on his kitchen floor and started crying when his dog rested his chin on his shoulder

Sky: Had to explain to his doctor that he didn’t turn in his disability papers for the 9th year in a row because once again, he forgot. and when his doctor was like “how the fuck did you forget” he had to look them in the eyes and say it was because he put the papers in his hyperfixation book that sits on his shelf that is for Looking and not for Reading because he’s scared of ruining the pages somehow, and he’d thought last year that the papers would be safe in there and then simply forgot they existed by the next day

Hyrule: Left class early to go Wander and then ended up several miles from campus on a dirt road in the middle of nowhere and got a bit confused about how to get back

Legend: Told himself for the third year in a row that this would be the year he carves a pumpkin. He failed

Wild: Bought gas One time the entire month and acts like thats so cool but the reason is because he stopped leaving his house

Four: Damn near got hit by a semi truck and just sighed because this is a common occurrence

Wind: Downloaded pokemon go and almost got hit by a car walking alongside a major road

[donutwatches]

MHA 3.6 - Roaring Upheaval - part 2/3

I have seen tiny glimpses of Toga before, but this feels like the real introduction, and it does not disappoint. This had me whispering "wtf"every 5 seconds as I watched.

I don't think this is the appropriate time for blushing over crushes, girlie. Unless you are into that with a side of murder...

...oh...um...well then. I guess she's into it.

She wants to become the people she admires, but she also wants to take them to stab-ville. I don't tend to kink-shame, but...??? I think she might need to find a healthier outlet. Lemme leave it at that.

I wish I had never witnessed this with my eyes and ears. I need holy water applied directly to my brain.

You know what? Fair. Kind of refreshing for a villain that is being presented as kinda wacky to be reasonable enough to go, "I'm outnumbered, see-ya!" Maybe she has more sense than it seems?

Bakugo got SNATCHED! Also, look at our beat up boy! He is barely functioning and just holding on to his piggy-back ride for dear life.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN "TAKING TOKOYAMI" M@!HER F^(%ER! REALEASE THE BIRD NOW. YOU WANNABE HOUDINI LOOKING A$$H@LE.

Interesting how this guy thinks that hero culture is a path with "fanatical values". I would love to hear his perspective, but the fact that he is kidnapping children right now kinda undermines any point he could have, lol.

Deku and I are so in tune. Always having the same reactions to the plot. I guess that is part of what makes him a good protagonist, in that it is easy for the audience to project onto him.

Okay, maybe I can like this low-rent magician a little bit, but only a little bit, since this was a legitimately funny line. He is self aware, at least.

Part 3 coming soon!

Masterlist

TAGLIST

@jessiedead @blackaquokat @granny-griffin @bicheetopuff

@champion-prism @noonthemoon @call-me-copycat

@sylv-e-on @hyperfixations-and-cringe @setfiretotheshadows

[mogamuncher]

“You're on a path in the woods. And at the end of that path, is a cabin. And in the basement of that cabin, is a knight. You are here to slay him. If you don't, it will be the end of the world.”

Please accept my meager shitty art as we come back for part three of the "Moga fuses her hyperfixations together" saga! Aka: Slay the Knight AU!

Here's what I think Emilia and Subaru would look like, in true STP fashion I imagine both would never be referred to by name, instead being The Knight and The Frozen Bond (hah, get it?)

I made Emilia a little scary (and kinda Satella-esque), but that's mainly because from what we see in The Princess and The Dragon route, The Long Quiet is just actually fucking scary, so having Emilia be similarly intimidating would be fun.

Though I do think her personality would remain the same in this au, mainly because she's nice enough that she would naturally play mediator to the the voices, but malleable enough that she could just end up going with their whims when pushed enough.

Now for Subaru, I actually wanted to give him a definitive outfit that would kinda function like the Princess's dress, something that is a constant in every design but changed to fit the theme, the recognizable trait that showcases that no matter how fucked up these forms get they're still the same person

That's kinda why the little cape is there, it's supposed to be a significant design choice that can be warped with future forms

For the official lore, I like to think that it's still actually very similar:

The Frozen Bond, the manifestation/god of stasis, consistency, the chilling frozen in time allure of stagnation

While Subaru would be something like The Returning Cycle, the manifestation/god if constant change, perspective and identities splitting depending on choices, the constant cycle of time

Together they'd make the cycle of life and death, in a sense, and since Echidna in canon was trying to find a way to reach immortality, it is only fitting that she would split them apart and attempt to pit them against the other, as to goad Emilia into killing Subaru, this ending the concept of change, making it so that there is no means of which others can die.

But that's what I have for the moment, now, let's talk about some more ideas I have for the IF Barus

The Prisoner, my beloved

I rewatched someone playing her route and it dawned on me when The Shifting Mound described her as a vessel, but she's oddly a lot like Slothbaru

The idea of someone cautious to the point of stagnation, content to let the world pass her and remain in inaction, I mean, that's literally what Sloth is shown to be in the og series. That's also inherently what Slothbaru did when he took Rem's hand and ran away, leaving everyone else to die, but gaining a happy life for himself

Prisoner is like an Slothbaru that can't take Rem's hand, content to let the world pass him by for the sake of self preservation, but stuck in one place without the chance of running away, he can only wait and see because he's inherently passive, as he thinks he has no other choice

The Adversary, however, is the funniest one I think

Someone mentioned in the last post in the tags that Adversary is kinda Smolbaru coded, so I went back to read the arena fights in arc 7 and y'know what? They're correct, they're absolutely right, The Adversary is very much just Smolbaru

Which is funny, because The Adversary is supposed to be bigger and stronger than usual, though maybe it's either just that his personality is Smolbaru and his appearance is still intimidating, or we go all in and have Smolbaru just absolutely kick Emilia's ass with his bare hands in this one

Either way, I love it, also this is the route where Priscilla (Voice of the Proud) would show up, so having an Arc 7 Baru here would be a nice touch

Ok so I'm about to sound unhinged, but the Grey's

What if they were Natsumi.

Now, look, I have no evidence to back me up on this, I'm going off from pure vibes alone, but like what if

Honestly, it would be fun to have most of the Deadbarus be in some way or another Natsumi coded, though that would be fused with the Baru that lead to their routes in the first place (like Arc 1 Baru for the Burned Grey and Slothbaru for the Drowned Grey)

I mean, look at The Wraith and The Spectre

Imagine if the Spectre was more akin to Natsumi in her purest form, since the Spectre is actually surprisingly chill and nice about this whole thing, and then if you attempt to leave him there, you get the Wraith

A withered rotten version of Natsumi, falling apart at the seams and determined to hitch a ride and finally leave

In more confirmed Barus; Wrathbaru as The Witch and The Thorn, Greedbaru as Happily Ever After and Arc 1-2 Baru as The Damsel, The Nightmare would be Gluttonybaru and A Moment Of Clarity would still be Gluttonybaru but with more Louis/Rui elements

Again, I accept suggestions, and tell me if you want me to make more art for this AU, maybe I can draw more Barus and also the voices, who knows?

[mytearsbuckochet]

What's your most hated Bummy scene?? I'll tell you mine. It has to be the kiss in the hospital lobby and buck getting outed because of his soot covered mouth. Never hated a 911 episode more than that. I love Buck. They just made a mockery out of him by that scene.

Where do I even start.. Couldn't agree more about the soot scene, although I'm more angry at the writers about that one than I am at Tommy, given how important it was to Buck that he came out to Eddie and Maddie on his own terms and how much weight he gave those interactions I feel like even though that one was supposed to be a cute little "hehe look this is very Buck coded", it fell short in that I would've liked everyone else at the 118 to find out in a more heartfelt way ya know??

In terms of my least favourite(s), the whole arc with billy boils was a very interesting play by the writers in that it highlighted the differences between Eddie and Tommy in a meaningful way. On one hand, Eddie, who has presumably been with Buck in the hospital the whole time he was being treated for his boils, is used to Buck's hyperfixations and Wiki deep dives, and finds them wholesome and cute. I reblogged a post a little bit ago where Buck told Maddie about how her and Chim always finish each others sentences and that theyre basically already dating, and then contrasted with how Eddie was finishing Buck's sentences in that scene. Buddie fanatic aside (I will admit im obsessed with these two idiots), THIS is the kind of domesticity I've always wanted for Buck's partners, where they acknowledge and love those little moments that he has.

Now lets go ahead and look at Tommy's side of this whole thing: Tommy's reaction to seeing the boils + how he treated and viewed Buck's obsession as exactly that, an obsession + the graveyard scene??? You can break it down into "oh well Buddie have known eachother since s2, Bummy have been together 6 months", but from my perspective the fact that Buck didn't even realise Tommy didn't like women until their 6 month anniversary (???) just goes to show that they don't really know that much about one another. Tommy was completely right in the breakup scene; he was definitely not Buck's last, and the poor guy is definitely in need of some self exploration (#letbuckfuck) before I'd be happy to see Buddie honestly (and thats not even considering the work that needs to be done on Eddie, my guy is going through it rn with Chris). Anyway; I just read this amazing fic by playinginthundestorms (on ao3) and I think the way they described Tommy (slightly Tommy bashing), was overall how I imagine he sees Buck. It never really felt like Tommy was fond of these little things Buck does in the way that Eddie (and the rest of the 118) are, more seeing him as childish or juvenile as the fic described. And it makes sense, tommy is older than Buck. A whole other can of worms and probably the icing on the cake for me was the Abby debacle, the misogyny really showed??? like man you have not changed since Hen my lord. Calling Abby out for running off with some "himbo half her age" was wild considering thats what he is currently doing with Buck? Especially with all the shit she had to go through with her mum at the time? Like what on earth is your excuse Temu? Anyway, to cut a long rant short, I actually have given you like 50 reasons, but i definitely think that Tommy was a well placed plot device and it was obvious from the start. Also, ABC could've chosen ANYONE to be Buck's first experience with a man and they were like yep lets use the racist homophobe from Chim and Hen begins cos why not?! I probably would've had a far less negative opinion of him if he was a fresh character, and I think that's on purpose, I think it would be really interesting if they go down the road of hen and chim sharing their experiences with Tommy now that they've broken up, and that they didn't say anything cos they just wanted Buck to be happy. Definitely after that heartfelt scene with Hen especially, that I didn't get cos of that bloody soot scene.

[cravingpepsimax]

honestly? i’ve been into shipping since i was a kid, i’ve gotten hyperfixated over ships before, but i don’t think i’ve ever felt so strongly about a ship before than stancest.

it’s such a peak ship. it’s so malleable, yet, consistent — there’s so many different things you can do with it, but the core dynamic doesn’t end up changing too much.

the main reason i love shipping so much is because i think of shipping as a form of alternate character interpretation. and that’s definitely stancest. but stancest is such a good alternate interpretation of the text that it, in some very important ways, is a more REASONABLE interpretation than stan & ford being Totally Platonic No Homo Bros. and i cannot stress enough, for someone who likes to interpret things in unintended ways, that’s like fucking CRACK to me.

just. i’ve used the term otp plenty of times in the past. and idk if this is just my adhd or what but. stancest is The OTP. calling it a “one true pairing” doesn’t even feel right. it’s on a whole new tier. ε true pairing.

[delta-lethonomia]

ok depresso week is over, back to deliberate hyperfixation on bg3:

It is absolutely wild to me that people take Astarion to the foursome with the drow twins (romanced, spawn, post-cazador) and are shocked, shocked I tell you, that he has a bad time. But it leads me to think that there's an interesting conversation to be had here about morality applied to video games. I'm going to be using what's a bit of a strawman tbh, what I would consider an archetypical, "good person" gamer for this niche example.

(3k essay under the cut about irl morals vs video game behavior, my take on why Astarion agrees to the orgy, beating the dead horse of Astarion discourse now that the fandom has cooled off enough I might not get flogged for it, and all my election stress being translated into an increasingly bitchy narrative voice that I hope is at least mildly amusing.)

"Good Person Gamer" romances Astarion. They're probably female, which I am mentioning exclusively so I can turn that into "Good Girl Gamer" 😏, or G3. G3 picks nice dialogue options. G3 tries to support their companions, and finds diplomatic and moral solutions to problems. G3 saved the tieflings. G3 still romances Astarion because he's hot, and vulnerable, and it's not like he forces you to be evil - he just complains a bit when you save kittens stuck in trees, but you get that approval back anyway just by being nice to him. Talk him out of Ascension and you've proven to yourself he's got a good soul under all that attitude anyway. He'd healed! You banged on his grave! It's all good now!

The brothel is fun. The drow twins are hot. It's always fun when games lets you do spicy things like have threesomes and orgies! We're sex-positive! Look, the drow twins said they love their job! It's totally fine! G3, as most people, probably does not do these things in real life, but that's the fun in video games: you get to be someone you're not.

And then Astarion noticeably dissociates. He throws himself in the center and lavishes everyone with attention; he's a professional, you know. Even an unromanced Tav/Durge notices something's off, and Astarion replies something along the lines of "you don't have the right to look at me like that," presumably with worry, distress, or sympathy.

G3 is upset. They did everything right - they didn't want to hurt him, and Astarion himself said he wanted this. Why couldn't they stop midway through and remind him that he doesn't have to hurt himself? Why couldn't they talk about it afterwards, and clear the air? LARIAN WHY DO YOU HURT ME

Now, to all the G3's out there: if you were dating a person with extensive sexual trauma, having been raped literally thousands of times, would you suggest having a threesome/orgy? With prostitutes, if that's better or worse? Putting them on the spot before your mutual friends? Would you wait a few years to mention the idea, or would you do so only weeks/months into a relationship? Your first "I love you" might have only been yesterday.

And most people, I think, would say "No." Writing that scenario outside of the lens of a video game makes it sound insane - of course you wouldn't! I'm not saying that they should never have group sex or that it can't be done, but I think most people instinctively get how that would be a shitty thing to do in that context, especially without discussing it in depth beforehand and making sure you're both on the same page.

And this is the meat of the issue. Most gamers play good-aligned characters: there's a strong culture of wanting to play the hero and saving the day. But tied into that cultural monomyth, in society itself, is the idea that sex is a reward at the end. You get sex at the end of the romance arc. The date where you have sex is one of many milestones, and you're not really dating if you haven't done it yet. Some people don't have sex until their wedding night. Threesome scenes especially are a video game classic: old-school God of War, for instance, had a hidden room in every game with scantily-clad women just waiting for you to button-mash away, a little treat for the player's keen puzzle-solving abilities.

Not all romances in BG3 have sex or end with sex, (some even start with sex), but that is because BG3's character writing tries to ground itself in reality despite being a medium people utilize for fantasy. Role-playing a "good" character is mostly easy: you typically know which dialogue choice is the ethical choice, can chide Astarion for being racist, can save the numerous children with moral ease - and BG3 rewards this: a good playthrough is more fleshed out, because you haven't killed off half the cast. You get better gear. You have more allies, better allies. You know what to do.

Or, well, mostly. BG3 is kind of special imo because even the good choices have a lot of nuance, where two people can make different choices but still feel like they both picked the most ethical one. Take Shadowheart's parents, for example: they beg for her to let them go so they can die and save their daughter. Saving them leaves Shadowheart in Shar's clutches - she will experience pain for the rest of her life, but regains her parents, and with luck, Selûne will claim her soul when she dies. Kill them, and Shadowheart is free - truly free, to live her life on her own terms, free from Shar and Selûne both. Both can be the ethical choice, depending on your morals.

"But if Astarion didn't want to have the threesome, the game should have let me stop midway through/made it clearer that this would happen. He said no before Cazador - why couldn't he say no again? Why would Larian put me in this position and make me feel bad when I thought everything was alright? I wanted to be good and have fun, not feel like I pressured my boyfriend." - Strawman G3.

Because BG3 treats it's characters like people. Multiple companions make choices outside of what the player character decides for them - Shadowheart's decision to save or kill her parents, kill or save the Nightsong, or Gale, to go for the crown or not depend on what events they are there to witness personally, or can be informed by conversations you have in camp about unrelated issues. You can fully let them make their own decisions and be surprised each time as they develop into different people with each successive playthrough. A lot of people are surprised when Gale goes for the Crown of Karsus without their input. In my last multiplayer playthrough, we could not prevent Shadowheart from wanting to kill the Nightsong, and so we were forced to kill her.

Astarion is not like that. The way he talks about Ascension changes depending on your relationship. If you're merely friends, he acknowledges it's probably a bad idea, even, in direct contrast to the somewhat obsessive and frightening way he pursues it in a romantic relationship. But Astarion can't decide what to do at the end: he has no hidden point system, no hidden flags - he will always pursue Ascension even if he knows it's a bad idea, because Astarion does not trust himself, has no experience trusting himself, and needs help. As counter-intuitive as it may sound, he needs support to make his own decisions, because in that moment, he cannot be objective.

(If Astarion is ever objective is another story....)

So much of Astarion's reactions and opinions are instinctive and unthinking. "Don't let the pixie out of the lantern, are you an idiot?" -> "A pixie! And honest-to-goodness pixie! *giggles*"

"We don't need a urchin hanging around." -> Astarion approves if you help Yenna

etc. etc. etc. There's so many times he says one thing, the cruel thing, the "fuck everyone else, I've got mine"-thing, and then approves when you do the good thing. Astarion does not live in line with his values (besides pursuing a growing need for freedom) and he frankly does not really know what his values even are.

Astarion doesn't react with glee to finding all the people he seduced - who inadvertently raped him, though they didn't know, some lowlifes and scoundrels and people having a bad day and even some sweet, naive virgins like Sebastian, who took that smoking hot Elf on his word and followed him home, probably in disbelief someone so gorgeous would pay them any attention at all - tortured and locked in a dungeon underground. He's crushed by guilt. He's in pain. Astarion delights in you causing others pain (the torture scene) because it aligns with his worldview, the joy of seeing someone else suffer for once. But he's not a cold-hearted murderer. (And yes, I am differentiating between "adventurer kills a bandit" murder and "deliberately killing someone you know for reasons/no reason" murder.) He doesn't hurt anyone in camp - Shadowheart and Lae'zel are far more dangerous than him. You never have to stop him from drinking anyone else to death. Even if you never feed him again, never use his bite attack, he never bites anyone in camp. Despite being a vampire, Astarion is, effectively, harmless. (Bite night was about checking whether or not Cazador's old command's still worked. It's his first real attempt at freedom, proving to himself that he's free from compulsion. Hence why the roll to get him to stop is a 5, giving you a 75% likelihood of succeeding. He doesn't actually want to kill you. And you get two chances!!!)

Astarion doesn't enjoy death for the sake of death. He's terrified if you side with the goblins and kill the tieflings despite goading you into doing it. I don't doubt that he could hurt others (god knows he's got enough feelings to work out that way), but there's a significant difference between a little knife play and condemning thousands of people to be tortured in the Hells for all eternity. Sacrificing his siblings is different, because they, like him, are guilty, and deserve their deaths. He agrees to sacrifice his fellow spawn as an act of self hatred, of self harm. But all those other people stupid enough to want to sleep with him? Given a day to think about it, I think Astarion would agree that that's not right - and that's why he thanks you for preventing his Ascension. That much murder isn't him. He can be thoughtless, cruel, and unkind, but Astarion isn't a psychopath.

Take him to the brothel, and slipping back into that role, the seductive rake, it as easy as breathing. I don't think Astarion has ever thought about if he's the type of person to enjoy group sex, or even if he wants it. I don't doubt that Astarion enjoys sex, that he wants to have sex (he is, after all that, still shockingly horny), but he's just discovered the idea of having sex with someone he loves. He's riding that high. Of course he says yes: not only is he a different man now (he's free!), it's something he's done a thousand times already - maybe it'll be different this time, maybe something has changed - or maybe, an orgy was on offer, so of course Astarion is there. It's his purpose. He's been doing it for 200 years. Where else would he be?

What I'm saying is that Astarion didn't think about what sleeping with the drow twins meant for your relationship, or how he would feel about it at all. He just went for it. He had a bad time. You then don't discuss it because that would mean admitting that he finally made a choice by himself and it backfired. He didn't think, or maybe he did, and it turns out he just doesn't know himself. Why discuss it? A relationship with G3 apparently means group sex. They probably asked twice. They backtracked all the way to Wyrm's Crossing post-Cazador. Will they ask again? How many times can he say no?

In reality, in the real world, the act of asking can be the problem in and of itself. If your significant other/spouse/lover asks you to do something you don't want to do, be it a threesome, anal, opening the relationship etc, these actions have consequences. The act of asking doesn't happen in a vacuum like it does in video games: there is a cost associated with it, a gamble, and while it may pay off, it may not. Some people get worn down and agree to things they don't want to do. Sometimes you break up because the act of asking is so inherently disrespectful you can't reconcile your differing wants and needs. If you're dating someone who has experienced the gut-wrenching pain of being cheated on, you don't ask 2 months into a new relationship if you can fuck other people. This should not come as a surprise to you, to G3, to anyone. It's common sense.

BG3 giving you the opportunity for a foursome with Astarion not only to give the player their hot'n'spicy sex scene (then playfully bops you on the nose by making it a fade-to-black, you naughty little perverts, you), but also to continue its theme of treating the player like a mature adult, who is dealing with other mature adults, and who can and should live with the consequences of their own actions. Subsequent patches have watered this down, I admit, but I do believe that that was the ethos guiding their work from the beginning. BG3 wants you to interact with the characters like people. If you roll over and tell them what they want to hear, you will Ascend Astarion, and he'll enslave you in turn. If you agree with Gale on everything, he will kill himself and you - or, he'll become a god, becoming the exact sort of god he used to rail against. Agree with Karlach, and she will rather die than go back to the Hells. You get my point.

"But Larian could have let me check in on Astarion midway through. Maybe it was a mistake to ask, but they should have let me check on him and stop it all if he wanted. I was trying to trust him to make his own decisions." - Strawman G3

Ok. We add a dialogue option. "Astarion, love, are you alright? We can stop at any time if you want."

Astarion disapproves (-5)

He's not backing out. Thank you for asking, darling, but fuck off. (I don't think he'd actually say fuck off but the implicit message would be there. I can't see Astarion stopping midway through, nor appreciating you doubting him. Nothing changes.)

"But I still feel bad." - Strawman G3

And I completely understand that. It's a video game. Don't worry! Of course you should get your sex scene - it's a reward! You got their approval high enough! You have enough charisma points! In DA:O, you can also have an orgy, unlocked by giving your companions enough gifts! It's a game! You have enough points, you get the thing!!! You killed Cazador - you win! Have your cake and eat it too! Congrats, you unlocked your hot slutty vampire elf who's basically a trained courtesan, who needs you to be his moral compass, who will never leave you so long as you don't actively rape him - enjoy all the fun orgies in your future!

Your actual choice - the choice the game gives you - is to realize that taking what's essentially a human trafficking victim to a brothel is a dumb idea, but they didn't want to punish you for it.

"Well, Astarion should have said something then. He said no before, he can say no again." - Strawman G3

If you go through life pushing peoples boundaries and expect them to verbally tell you what you're doing wrong, you're gonna be friendless and have a bad time. This ties back to both Astarion having difficulty knowing and defending his own values, BG3 trying to let you make your own decisions without setting out a clear "good or bad" path on occasion, and the hope that you'd use your own morals to make decisions. G3 would never behave in this way irl, and that's where the shock comes from, the guilt from committing an action they thought was without consequence in a risk-free fantasy scenario, and then feeling unpleasantly surprised when called out.

But it's a video game, and you didn't get the little zap, the little sting of an Astarion disapproves in the corner that told you you made the wrong choice. In fact, because he doesn't disapprove, it's not actually the wrong choice!

It really was mean how the Narrator made G3 feel bad, wasn't it. They didn't mean to hurt him. Astarion doesn't mention it, so it's probably fine.

... have you talked to Halsin yet? Surely he had a good time. Right?

CONCLUSION

People think they're good and moral and will typically behave "heroically" in video games. Games support this and reward players for doing so. The "good path" is expected to be clear. However, video games are not real life no matter how much they play at immersion, and multiple games have trained players in a linear "do x, receive y" type fashion. Sex is a reward in games, and is treated that way in real life as well, so players expect the Sharess' orgy scene to be a reward, and are then shocked when Astarion/Gale/Halsin etc reveal during or afterwards that they had a bad time. This is because Larian wants you to treat BG3 like a role playing game and interact with it seriously, and isn't afraid to boop you for your actions in ways that mimic real life relationships. This ethical dissonance makes people uncomfortable especially when they play games to role-play as someone better than themselves, and are surprised when they aren't herded down predetermined "good" paths via instantaneous approval/disapproval mechanics or unlockable "ideal" dialogue.

It is absolutely possible that someday Astarion might be into meaningless group sex with prostitutes for fun and pleasure. However, that is the sort of thing you'd probably either wait for him to bring up by himself organically, or discuss in a long-term trusting relationship after he's had potentially years to process the idea of not immediately hopping into bed with someone, as well as disentangling his instinctive "beaten-in" sexually available behavior from his actual desires. People much more emotionally mature and undamaged than Astarion have destroyed their own relationships by inadvertently pushing a partner (or themselves) into various forms of group sex or other sexual acts. It's not something you do on a random Tuesday on a whim.

Or maybe it is, and I'm just chronically boring and surrounded by boring people lmao

TO THE POSTER THAT INSPIRED THIS: I'm so so sorry if you ever see this, not trying to call you out at all hence no linking, I just wanted to pick apart why I think you felt that way. The thoughts just finally bubbled over after a year+ lol

[rootspiral]

part [1][2][3]

After managing to keep away from social media for almost two months, here comes Agatha All Along sucking me back in 🙃 I want to rewatch the whole thing and see how many details I can catch, but I guess I might as well go through Agatha's scenes in Wandavision first. and you guys are coming with me!! we can all hyperfixate together (spoilers from both WV and AAA below. this is going to be just a stream of consciousness as I go through scenes, don't expect anything elaborate)

SO.

Agatha arrives in Westview attracted by Wanda's Hex. She might already suspect she's dealing with the Scarlet Witch because lbr, who has that sort of power? She takes a calculated risk to come investigate (detective Agnes of Westview on the case!) It's funny that her calculated risks are always way more emotional than she'd admit, because who in their right mind comes after the SW? But all that power is too alluring, so Agatha takes possession of Ralph's house, ruins the market value adding a creepy basement and brainwashes him into being her husband/minion/pet.

And now it's time to do what she does best, con artist is gonna con! I adore that Agatha became one of the most infamous witches in history thanks mostly to her improv skills.

She's a magical gal is a small time locale!! he's a husband who's part machiiiiiine (great now it'll get stuck in my head again)

worth nothing that both witches and androids have historically and culturally been used as queer allegories, and here's a very sapphic witch pretending to be a straight 1950s housewife and another witch who's got an elaborate fantasy going on where her husband is able to pass and all their problems are sitcom-level fixable.

How to solve the Hex mystery according to Agatha Harkness:

step #1, casually fish for personal info

step #2, flirt with your suspect (obviously)

she literally asks if Wanda's single ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

AGATHA

she's lying it on soooo thick

she dropped that pot so deliberately LMAOO stinky chaotic goblin

knowing she' s being an asshole on purpose makes this scene 100 times funnier tbh

(also a moment of silence for Sharon's irreparable trauma. her last words will be "Wanda, I'm begging you, let him breathe, please")

episode 2: Agatha keeps being a menace

And knowing now that she's always playing a part and her real personality is much more emo makes it easier to spot when she slips out of character

"was that too much? might rein it down a lil bit" (btw I'm still suspicious of Dennis the mailman and totally expect a big reveal in Westview season 3)

I'm betting that this was Agatha rather than Agnes too. she's so miserable lol. she hates playing this part so much. and that wig is hideous

not Agatha casually planting the idea of children in Wanda's head. She probably was the one making people chant "for the children" too. literally manipulating Wanda into showing her if she can create life, calculated risk my ass, she's out here playing with fire

(does that mean that Agatha is a liiiiiiitle bit Billy's and Tommy's parent too?? she planTED the sEED. hear me OUT.)

you know she was dead inside at having to sit through the whole talent show. she probably took it out on the contestants and made them trip onstage or something

Episode 3 of pappappa pappappa wandavision!

Agatha helping Wanda to pick baby clothes, I'm going to sob. (look at this technicolor filter! modern shows CAN color their shit! it's just that they'd rather make everything look like muddy ass instead)

not much from Agatha this episode except scheming to get Monica kicked out of the Hex, seeing as she's the biggest obstacle between herself and Wanda ('s powers). Also you know she was stalking the house to keep track of when the babies were born. Also also, the painted scenery! Like mother like son, it's such a big hint about the nature of the Road.

look at this piece of shit, I love her so much. And she does tend to wink when she's just told a truly egregious lie, doesn't she? it's like her little signature.

Agatha in episode 5 coming in like: LEMME SEE THOSE BABIESSSSSSS

kathryn hahn with 80s curls is doing something to me, let me tell you

so manipulative, in so many ways. and knowing what we know now about Agatha and children, imagine the turmoil inside of her!! triumph at having confirmation of Wanda's life-giving powers. nervousness about the mess she's putting herself in. exasperation at having to keep up the charade. and, most importantly, getting to HOLD A BABY BOY AFTER ALL THIS TIME (amazing, terrifying, traumatic, wonderful)

what is she doiiiing. this bitch, I swear.

OH MY GAWD I FORGOT WANDA SAID THIS. "so she keeps coming at me like a cat in heat, that's not her fault Vision, she has a Medical Condition"

"kids. can't control them. no matter how hard you try"??????? the suddenly wistful voice?????????????????????? why don't I fling myself off a cliff?????????????????? was this woman actually honestly dying inside while still having to play pretend, I can't, I cannot. And how much of Agatha's backstory was decided at this point, was Kathryn given a general idea?

Agatha and Billy, partners in crime already! Seriously, Jac Schaeffer must have had an idea of where this was going. And it's obvious in retrospect that Agatha would be drawn to Billy the most, he's a witch unlike Tommy and he's such a polite, sweet little fellow, he probably reminded her of Nicky so much?? Here's this scary dangerous witch who on one side is planning to murder everyone in the room, and on the other is fighting back the urge to go full mama bear on this kid and protect and cherish him forever. This is not what she signed up for when she decided to stalk Wanda!

She is so horrible. She is despicable. I'm allowed to say it because I love her so much! I can't remember, was it revealed that she turned a fly into a dog or something? Or did she kidnap a dog dog from a shelter / someone's garden and then stone cold killed him? No, wait, she made Ralph kill him. Do your own killing of cute innocent little creatures, you coward! Love that vest tho.

"Fix the dead!" "You can do that?" And of course she's pretending here but you know that's EXACTLY what this whole sordid Sparky affair was about, she's testing and prodding at Wanda's powers, trying to figure out her limits. There's an eagerness here that she doesn't need to fake. Who knows, maybe she was actually squeamish about killing the dog (she does have a cuddly bunny and woves him vewy much), hence why Ralph had to do it. But more importantly even if she didn't like killing a pet, even if she wasn't happy about traumatizing these kids - that's exactly what she's doing here, she's willingly hurting two children - she went and did it anyway, because her thirst for Wanda's powers is too big. She kills witches out of anger, out of fear and self-preservation. She is ultimately a selfish person, and that is what makes her a villain. It's not that she doesn't have feelings. She has plenty of feelings, she has a conscience, and she chooses to do the bad thing anyway.

"And we can't reverse death. No matter how sad it makes us. Okay? Some things are forever." These two shows above all else are about grief. You can peel this scene and find more and more layers, it was about the kids losing Sparky at first but also about Wanda losing Pietro, Wanda losing Vision, Wanda losing the kids. And it's also, DEFINITELY about Agatha losing Nicky. I need a drink.

Agatha discreetly wiping a tear in the background nbd

And I can only upload 30 pictures per post so there's going to be a part two. I was NOT planning to write so much, help. What are you doing to me AGATHA

go to part 2

[my-autism-adhd-blog]

Hey do you have any facts about one of your space hyperfixation you could share ? I’m just stressed and need to think about something else (I can do the same thing in return if you want since you are also and probably going through some tough stuff too)

Hi @cafetomedragongrimborn!

I’m really into black holes, so I can share some facts!

A black hole is basically when a huge star collapses into itself to the point where not even light itself can’t escape. And light is the fastest thing ever.

But what happens if someone would be sucked into one? Well, you’d be stretching out, something called spaghettification. Then you get to the even horizon. Nobody knows what’s beyond it though.

They’re very fascinating! I found an article about them if you’re interested.

[velnna]

hi!! so i’ve been following you for a while and i’ve seen your fanart of kar’niss and all the bug ocs you made over the years. do you have a certain hyperfixation woth bugs? and if so, what is your favourite type of bug?

Ehh I wouldn't call it a hyperfixation, I just grew up loving bugs, reptiles, things with odd numbers of limbs and exoskeletons, etc. I don't really have a specific area of interest or focus other than "does it look or sound cool" in that regard

[cringe--is--dead]

𝔽𝕚𝕣𝕤𝕥 𝕄𝕖𝕖𝕥𝕚𝕟𝕘𝕤

ℕ𝕖𝕜𝕠𝕞𝕒 𝕄𝕒𝕟𝕒𝕘𝕖𝕣 ℝ𝕖𝕒𝕕𝕖𝕣

𝔸/ℕ: I started re-watching Haikyuu so the hyperfixation is coming back STRONG!

Direct sequel to this blurb!

You took everything you had said earlier back; nervous didn't even begin to cover how you were feeling. The closer to the camp sight the bus got, the shakier your hands got. You did your best to hide them, though the worried looks Yaku was sending your way says you weren't doing a great job at it.

"Hey," You could feel the bus begin to slow down as Kuroo turned around to look at you, the playfulness that had been present was gone, and you were grateful for the small smile he was sending your way, "You'll be fine. We're going to be the first team there more than likely, so you have time to get adjusted before everyone else shows up."

You nodded, moving to stand as Nekomata called for everyone to hop off the bus. The third years and you were the first ones off the bus after the coaches departed, grabbing your bags and waiting to make sure everyone else deboarded.

Lev groaned as he stretched, "That was way too long to be sitting."

Yaku rolled his eyes, gently nudging the first year to continue walking, "Only for a tall freak like you."

"Hey! That wasn't nice!"

Kai wandered over to you, offering to carry one of your mini bags for you, and you agreed, wanting to once more go over the notes he and Nekomata had curated for you to study. You may have begun to understand volleyball more, but after expressing your fear of embarrassing yourself in front of these other teams, they had made you more things to study.

"The other teams have managers too," You two began walking, Kuroo and Yaku ahead of you, already bickering about who knows what, "I'm sure you'll get along well with them. Karasuno has a newer manager too, so you two will probably be in similar boats."

You let out a breath, "Right."

"I'm serious," You glanced over at him, "It'll be fine. We were all nervous our first training camps, but you get used to them."

Nodding, you entered the building where your rooms would be. Each team had their own room, and due to the smaller numbers, the managers all had one room to them. You were too scared to ask earlier if you had to room with your team or by yourself; both sounding not ideal.

You entered the room, dropping your bags off in a little area, mentally claiming the small spot as your own. That wasn't too presumptuous was it? Maybe you should wait for the others to show up, offer them first dibs.

Sighing, you shook your head to yourself, there was no point in worrying about it now. If any of the other girls had issues you'd quickly move your stuff-- easy fix.

A knock at the door had you turning, Shibayama peering in curiously, "Hey, we're going to set up in gym one right now, and Kuroo wants to know if you'll lead some warm up drills?"

And the day starts.

"Are we starting practice matches when they show up?"

He shook his head, "He says Lev and Yamamoto have too much energy, so this is more to tire them out so they don't annoy him."

You snorted at that, sometimes Kuroo reminded you of an over exhausted pre-school teacher. Glancing at your bag, you followed Shibyama out and towards the gym, you'd change later.

You had gotten held up by a teacher before you departed, and in turn, weren't able to change out of your school uniform. It wasn't uncomfortable per say, but you'd trade out the skirt for a pair of Nekoma sweatpants before the practice matches started.

The chatter inside the gym wasn't loud, but you could hear it from right outside. Inuoka and Lev were helping set nets up, Kuroo was discussing something with Kai, and when they saw you, they motioned you over.

You left Shibayama who promptly went over to help with some other set ups, making your way to your captain and vice-captain. Kuroo raised an eyebrow at you.

"You're still in your school uniform?"

You shrugged, "I was going to change before the actual practice matches started. Didn't want to waste precious time tiring Lev out."

Kai chuckled, while Kuroo just sighed, and the mental image of him as a pre-school teacher was back. He handed you a clipboard, "It'll be a shorter night, but we figured these starting rotations would be good. Only a few teams will be here today, the rest arrive tomorrow. So we'll just be in this gym for tonight."

Two courts, four teams. Okay so there were three other schools showing up today, no worries. Fukurodani, Shinzen, and Karasuno today. It seemed in order, Kuroo was good with scheduling, and to be fair you didn't often have to correct his work. He was just paranoid from when he royally screwed up during exam week; the poor guy was running off of no sleep and way too much coffee.

You handed it back, "Those are two of the teams I'm supposed to be weary of, right?" The question was asked dryly, and Kuroo huffed at your tone.

"Don't appreciate the sarcasm, but yes. Thank you for asking." Kai just chuckled, patting him on the arm.

"Lev, I swear to the gods if you don't stop-"

"Yaku, come on! What's the point of a training camp if we're not training?"

"We're just warming up now, put the ball down!"

You sighed, understanding Kuroo's petulance from earlier. Damn rooster-headed captain laughed as you stalked over to where Yaku and Lev were bickering.

"Yaku's right, Lev, we're going to run some drills before we start with anything else."

Lev pouted at your words, and Yaku looked far too smug after bullying the first year. You raised an eyebrow at him, "If you both have enough energy to be bickering why not run some extra laps, hm? I was going to have everyone start with fifteen, but I think you two need a bit more than that. Does twenty five sound good?"

The two blanched at your words, the sickly sweet tone you had adopted since filling this position, you had been told, was terrifying. Yaku looked sheepish, rubbing the back of his head, but decided against arguing.

"Sorry," Lev muttered, and you nodded.

"Now put the ball back, Lev, and the two of you can get started. I'll have the others join you when you hit ten laps."

He nodded, the pout disappearing as he thought of something, "Oh! Watch this!"

Before you or Yaku could say anything, he launched the ball, clearly aiming to throw it directly into the basket. It made it, in a sense, before bouncing off all the other balls inside, and flying out the still open door. He stared after it, almost surprised by the outcome.

"Go start your laps." Was all you said, sending the two off.

You could hear Kuroo's stupid cackle from across the gym, and turned quickly, glaring his way as well. "You wish to join them, captain?"

He sobered up rather quickly, "No. I'm good, thanks."

You huffed, turning to gather the stray ball. Nekomata chuckled from where he and Naoi were talking. You all had barely been here and these troublemakers were already... well, making trouble.

The ball had bounced further down the sidewalk than you had thought, and you had to walk a good few meters away to get it. Though before you could lean down to grab it, the presence of someone startled you.

This kid appeared out of nowhere.

He was staring at you, almost as confused by your presence as you were of his.

"Um, hello?" The hold he had on his bag tightened as he awkwardly greeted you.

He was short, bright and unruly orange hair. He seemed nervous, reminding you of one of your younger cousins whenever he got caught doing something he shouldn't have been. Maybe he was wandering around and didn't think anyone would be here.

"Hey," You squatted to grab the ball, walking a bit closer to him, "Are you lost? I don't think you're supposed to be here, kid."

His cheeks burned bright at your comment, and he stammered over whatever he was trying to say.

"Hinata! What did I tell you about running off, man?"

You two turned, a guy about your age calling out to the red head, Hinata, also carrying a bag at his side. The two of you made eye contact, and the man froze where he was standing.

No one said a word, and you awkwardly moved the ball around in your hands, "Um, are you his older brother?"

Hinata sputtered at the question, "He's not my older brother!"

The other guy didn't say anything, simply staring at you silently. It was starting to make you feel a bit uncomfortable. "Uh-"

"Pretty girl!"

His shout caught you off guard, and you felt your shoulders raise, cheeks burning at the words shouted your direction. Mouth parted slightly, you took notice as other people began walking into view.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh shit.

You turned to Hinata, "Are you all here for the volleyball training camp?"

He nodded enthusiastically, "We're Karasuno high school!"

"Oh." Was all you managed to say, looking from him to the others who were walking up curiously.

One of them stepped forward, the way he walked reminded you of Kuroo some, and he smiled at you. Oh he was... he was handsome. Your cheeks burned even hotter at your own thoughts.

"Hello, I'm Daichi, Karasuno's captain. Who are you?"

"Oh, uh," You were stammering like Hinata had been when you called out to him, introducing yourself, "I'm Nekoma's manager."

He blinked, "Their manager? I didn't know they had gotten one. That's great!"

He smiled down at you, and you felt your heart flutter some. This was dangerous.

Wait, weren't you supposed to avoid this team? Because-

"What!" Someone else came into view, standing next to the buzz cut guy who called you pretty a few minutes ago, "Nekoma got a manager too?"

You stepped back, the attention scaring you, and you were beginning to feel like you had when you first became Nekoma's manager. "Uh, yes?"

"She's so pretty!"

"Stay strong, Noya," The buzz cut guy grabbed his friends shoulder, "We must remain strong!"

Those two. You were supposed to avoid those two.

You failed.

"Hey!" You had never been so happy to hear Yamamoto's yells before, "Back off our manager!"

You felt yourself breath a bit easier as your team came out of the gym, Lev and Yaku looking a bit more winded than the others. Kuroo hurried over to you, smiling at Daichi.

"Well well, I thought you all weren't going to be here until later."

Daichi sighed, "We thought so too. Kiyoko really saved us with motion sickness medicine for Hinata though, so we pulled through."

"I would have rather your managers meet ours before the rest of your crows," Kuroo muttered, standing close enough to you that you could feel his body heat, "Especially your rowdy second years."

"Yeah, sorry about them," His apology was directed towards you, and you waved it off.

"Oh, no, it's- it's okay!"

"Yachi and Kiyoko are putting their stuff away, if you want to go introduce yourself to them."

He really needed to stop smiling at you, it was not doing good things to your heart.

"And change into something that's less cute," Kuroo muttered to you, half playful, half serious.

You self consciously tugged at the end of your skirt, those sweat pants were really calling your name. You quickly bowed towards the rest of Karasuno, "It's nice to meet you all! I'll be back!"

With as much dignity as you could muster you sped walked back towards the rooms, cheeks warm and heart fluttering. You thought you were going to have more time to calm down before meeting more strangers? Oh you were so making Kuroo do some type of drill he hated as punishment.

Outside of the manager's room, you took a moment to compose yourself. You patted your cheeks, hoping the flush would die down soon, before softly knocking on the door to announce your presence, before sliding the door open.

"Um, hello," You stepped inside, the two figures turning to look at you.

One of them was a bit shorter than you, she seemed like a first year. She had cute little star hair clips in her hair, and she seemed almost more nervous than you were. The other one was down right beautiful, and you were regretting agreeing to come to this training camp.

You introduced yourself, "I'm Nekoma's new manager. Daichi said you two were Kiyoko and Yachi?"

The taller of the two, Kiyoko, smiled softly at you, "Yes. I'm Kiyoko, this is Yachi. It's lovely to meet you."

"Yeah!" Yachi echoed, voice a bit louder than necessary, all nervous smiles, "I didn't know Nekoma got a manager!"

"I really only started a few weeks ago, Kuroo had to beg me to come to the training camp. He also said you all would be a bit later coming, so I'm sorry I wasn't here to greet you two."

"No, it's alright," Kiyoko waved off your apology, "It was good luck and proper planning that got us here now, something I fear we often lack when traveling."

Yachi nodded, "Yeah! I'm going to start packing a mini first aid kit, and I'll keep motion sickness medicine in it for any time we travel in the future."

That didn't seem like a bad idea. Granted, none of your teammates got sick traveling, but it wasn't out of the realm of possibilities.

"Oh, if you don't mind I need to change," You motioned towards your uniform, "Then I can meet you all back at the gym."

"We can wait for you if you'd like," Yachi offered, voice tentative, "Only if you want though!"

"Oh," You blinked, before smiling, "That would be nice, yeah!"

These two were so sweet, you were starting to look forward to this training camp. Yaku and Kai were right, they were all nice, and even the quick talk with the other team, they all seemed sweet.

This would be fun, you were sure of it now.