#hyperfixation been going so hard I barely post or even go on tumblr

[spuirrelwiththeletterp]

🌻🌻

[kurczeno]

ok so a little rant about DA:V, because I feel like it needs to be said. First a disclaimer: if you are hyped, thats good for you, really. Enjoying the final product is absolutely fine. However, I've seen SO MANY people, especially here on tumblr, but also on tiktok and reddit acting as if any criticism of the game is just people being mean haters or homophobic.

And don't get me wrong - there are probably people taking things too far, just for the sake of it. There are also people mad about the wokeness - though as a person that is very interested in the topic, I've seen only one? discussion about this matter and it wasn't even made by people that like the series, they just wanted to complain about wokeness in games, etc.. But I'm not saying these people don't exist, because I haven't seen them.

However I am seeing so many valid criticism of the game being discredited for no reason and I feel like there is at least one thing that needs to be said.

I played Origins over 20 times. DA2 and DA:I - also more than once, but I didn't count it. I loved all of them - even the Inquisition, despite its many flaws. But it's not a post about them - the thing is, I am a fan of a series. I've been since I was little and later I got that stupid hyperfixation. I was extremely excited about the game, despite SO MANY red flags - I'd say it's still Dragon Age and I'm sure it won't be that bad.

But at this point even I can't cope that hard.

First of all - it's barely Dragon Age at this point. I just want you to remmeber that most of the staff that was working on the first three games got fired or resigned themselves. The LEAD WRITER himself, David Gaider (he's incredible btw, go follow him on twitter and play stray gods!!!) has been trashing Bioware on TT for years and he's been there for 12 years. He tried to highlight just how badly the company treats its workers - and it's not only Bioware, it's gamedev in general. I have many friends that work in gamedev and whenever we talk about situations like this their reaction is "yeah, but thats what happens in gamedev every half a year". You know, it's so bad, we just treat it as a standard. Why am I bringing all this up? Because I think that countering every argument with "you haven't played the game yet" or, even worse "people are only complaining because woke" is just buying into their narrative, taking the responsibility from them. When the truth is that every single teaser looks, to say the least, outdated. The graphics are very, very bad, the designs are mid at best (I'd single out Neve and technically? Emmerich, but he looks horrible because of the graphics, so...), the reps show that they know little about Dragon Age (I'm in love with that one recording in which they collectively barely remember Zevran. The companion in the most beloved game. The guy that is basically the only source of info we get about the Crows. The Crows that are a fraction in their game???), they have already stated that your choices don't matter. I can elaborate on each of these, but the post is already to long and my point is different - don't excuse Bioware. And I'm sorry, but "play the game first" shouldn't be the argument here, because the things that should be good, regardless of the game itself fail - I'm sorry, but this isn't an indie game. It's made by a huge company, with loads of money after two commercial flops. I know some of you (including me!) are nostalgic towards Bioware, because of their games and what they meant back in the day, really. But at the end of the day, the games were made by people and Bioware is just a company. A big corporation, that just wants to make money, has a long history of mistreating their employees and has delivered the worst teasers I've seen in a long time.

TLDR: I'm not trying to tell you, you are wrong to be excited. I'm just kindly asking you to stop coming to Bioware's defense at all costs, because they don't deserve it.

(also I know David himself has reacted to the teasers and reviewed them in a positive way but I am talking mostly about the things that I blame on higherups. However I personally think that Gaider, as someone who's worked in the industry knows that there are many people there that ARE actually passionate about the product. Not the reps, please, they are embarassing, but the animators, writers, etc. And trashing their work as a lead writer of the first games would be a little too much, even if the final thing is not their fault. They don't need any more shit)

[moonlightcrusader-archive]

Announcement/MOVING ACCOUNTS

Hello peeps, long time no see! Its been a while since ive done anything with this account, heres kind of my explaination for my long haitus 😅

Burnout and depression. I think those two words sum it up the most. College has been so stressful for me, as well as my personal life. I went almost a year not being able to make content and i was just devestated.

Luckily, my friends have been there for me, and also my hyperfixations help too, so its slowly getting better. Im sorry for everyone ive ghosted, i just thought staying away would be a good alternative than reaching out.

I think part of my haitus was the mid life identity crisis i was having/still have. Im an artist, but i barely create because im scared of imperfection. My writing drafts stay writing drafts. Am i even an artist at all? Why do people like my stuff. So yeah...with school almost coming to an end, its hard to find jobs with what you study :// but i know it takes time, so i know im just going through burnout.

Thank you for everyone whos stuck around. Im actually going to be archiving this tumblr- its too cluttered and my special interests are all over the place. I made a new one @moonlightcrusader where ill be more organized, probably have different blogs for my interests on a new master post.

I know there was no excuse just straight up leaving, but i am almost done with school, and hopefully can move out soon. So im hoping things will get better. I will try to answer the rest of my questions/submissions i got accumilated on this account. If its a writing request, i might move it to my new tumblr.

If you want to follow my new account, i still write stories and draw. I DONT plan on stopping because its my literal dreamjob to hopefully find work in animation production and i love doing fanwork/projects. Ill have my social media handles on there; but my fandoms include (just as a heads up)

Spider-Man (yes im still in it) (mostly raimi-verse) Super Mario Bros, Spongebob Squarepants, Undertale, Deltarune, and Thomas the tank engine.

I have a few more fandoms, but i probably wont make blogs for those since they come and go haha. Spiderman, super mario bros and spongebob have been my longest so far.

Anyways, i will close my asks and submissions and not delete this tumblr since i have alot of old artwork and writing im proud of. Thank you everybody and see you on the new tumblr. :))

[fallenwhumpee]

.

Kinda vent post. Mostly to myself. I need these written down before I get distracted again and forget.

Well. 15 Prompts in 30 days. I've done better, but I've clearly done worse. At least I'm happy with what I made, even if I just gave up making dialogue tags on some or rushed the ending. I've posted everything I wrote and didn't delete any. I'll count this as a win.

This month has been hard— life happened, and i wasn't quite ready despite having time to prepare. And the prompts weren't for me, too. I realised having the same theme often makes it hard to write because it feels repetitive. (Yes, i know mealy all of my blog is filled with leader whumpees. But the themes were different, and i guess it's easier to write when you're hyperfixated and have no material to read)

Anyway here is the to do list my plan:

1. Write next part of traitor. I don't know where I'm going with this one or what I'll write, but I want to write more of it. This piece literally slaps me because I knew I was terrible at planning sickfics, but I love it too much to abandon it anyway. It's my first writing that past 10k words. Before that, there were only ideas, often barely coherent, so they got converted into one shots and shortened too much. This one somehow broke the cycle, and because of the courage it gave me, I have now two fanfics that I don't still update and past 40k. It had been more than one year since all started, but this is an incredible number for me.

2. Take a look at February prompts and start writing. Stop following the order bc it never ends well. Note: Don't use one note page for everything because my phone can't handle that many words at once.

3. Make an ask me anything type of thing at a reasonable hour both for myself and tumblr. I need more interaction s because this was why I decided to make an account in the first place. Also missed my regular likers/rebloggers/anons.

4. Don't schedule posts. And stop posting at midnight (not a realistic one but well... i can try.)

5. Update the masterlists. Too lazy for html but I'll need to do it soon. It piled up too much. Also check if the other links are still working.

[cheap-jumpscare]

Welcome to Uta's blog population like 2.

helooo I'm Uta or several other names. I go by it/void and many other prns. check my prns.page >here< !!

read this very important thing written by my meowtual please, thanx :D

a lot more detailed info under the cutt ~

DISCLAIMERS ABT ME / BYF ;;

I say slurs (only those I can reclaim!)

I rarely am ever serious!

I can be very sensitive to rejection!

I'm very apathetic in regards to other people; I wish I wasn't!

I can be very harsh or rude on accident!

im basicallt INCAPABLE of processing if/when a joke is taken too far!! :(

Pls tell me if I fuck up i will not know :(

BASIC INFO ;;

diagnosed and medicated ADHD, peer-reviewed as "def autistic" by my autistic little sister and older brother, depression (or at least some of the symptoms)

divorced parents, adopted at birth!

in general there is something fundamentally wrong/silly abt me

i LOVE homestuck, hiveswap, ddlc, genshin, hsr, crk, cats, borzois, drawing, singing, gacha, voice acting, animation, rain world, etc. (hyperfixations r bold and italic like this!!)

i like spiritual stuff (shifting realities, subliminals, etc) and i may reblog stuff like that sometimes <3

i have a bf!!!! NOT ANYMORE /silly

my fav color; tie between red, black, n white. pink n yellow are very close shared-second places

im here to be gay and shitpost man

OTHER SOCIALS ;;

spacehey - cheapjumpscare noplace - hiveswap pesterchum - hollowClown spotify - uta ౨ৎ ⋆｡˚ tiktok - qualia.automata

DNIS . . .

thin ice ;

anti-endos / don't believe in endo systems, but don't harass or fakeclaim people abt it (i have friends who are endo and they are very cool!!!!!)

post abt politics Regularly (stresses me tf out)

post abt religion christianity at ALL

if you were that one person who told me I was silencing asians by having a cute/pink/"kawaii" aesthetic blog on tumblr in like 2020. yes that was the actual reason. im being so forreal. /silly but also /gen on this being something that actually happened

DNFI (do not fcking interact) ;

anti-endos / don't believe in endo systems, and DO harass or fakeclaim people abt it

pro-contact / anti-recovery towards paraphilias

nsfw/kink/18+ centered blogs (i am a minor :/)

pro-harassment/anti-anti-harassment

doxx people or support those who do

believe/participate in cringe culture

pro 🇮🇱 or otherwise not pro 🇵🇸 (its a genocide mf)

^ post pictures of gore n dead kids in relation to the genoc¡de w/o tagging, censoring, or warning ANYYY of it (the reason i left twt)

im on your dni (respect your own gd dni)

RANDOM ASSORTED NONSENSE I THOUGHT WAS FUN !! ;;

my true zodiac is Pittarius !! [homestuck]

probably a

i tend to fixate on characters/whatever so hard i either Want to be them, believe i Am them, or both.

^ speaking of, at the bottom of this post is a list of stuff am that way about

^^ i should add here that the personality assigned doesnt contribute to this (though it certainly helps if i can go "THEY JUS LIKE ME FRR") i just. fixate so hard i go "mm i should be [whatever]" or "i mustve been [whatever] in a past life :D"

^^^ i am, most of the time, not under one of these episodes (idrk what else to call them but im not distressed rlly so shrug)

i barely ever remember to categorize things but i will remember for this blog i promise

ORGANIZATIONAL TAGS ;;

#shut up uta! - yapping. rambling even. general Posts tag. #definitely not stolen! - reblogs !~ #uta time travels (again!) - queue'd posts.. mostly going to be whatever im currently horrifically nuclear levels of autistic abt #uta; nobody needs to know this - TMI posts; complaining abt periods, personal life, etc. etc. etc. it can and will get weird here #uta hears voices part ??? - askbox....... #uta pls shut up fr this time - LIVEBLOGGING ~ #(not) uta; [ANY-CHARACTER-NAME-HERE] - for when i am Fixating So Hard On A Character That I /Gen Believe I AM Them. Temporary. pls humor me/play along /gen. #uta's sprites - Sometimes I post homestuck / hiveswap sprites! this is the tag for that :3

Characters / Things Uta sometimes IS (not exhaustive) ;;

italicized = more current / more likely to be this than not | bold = even more current | italicized & bold = almost always this

PROJECT SEKAI ; Minori Hanasato, Airi Momoi, Emu Otori, Kanade Yoisaki, Mafuyu Asahina, Ena Shinonome, Mizuki Akiyama VOCALOID / VOCAL SYNTH ; Xi Yi, Hatsune Miku GHOST & PALS ; Tamari [RECKLESS BATTERY BURNS], Say [CHATTERING LACK OF COMMON SENSE], Cakey [APPETITE OF A PEOPLE PLEASER], Teto [PATHOLOGICAL FASCADE] HIVESWAP & HOMESTUCK ; Charun Krojib, Dave Strider / Davesprite, Jade Harley, Karako Pierot, Meulin Leijon, Nepeta Leijon, Tyzias Entykk GENSHIN ; Collei, Fischl, Furina, Hu Tao, Kirara, Lumine, Qiqi, Xingqiu, Yae Miko, Yoimiya COOKIE RUN ; Peach Blossom, Caramel Choux, Linzer, Mozzarella, Affogato, Strawberry Crepe, Cream Puff, Kumiho, Espresso, Vampire, Stardust, Black Pearl, Whipped Cream, Roquefort, Butter Pretzel, Scorpion, Bellflower, Sour Belt, Crowberry, Pizza, Black Garlic, Coffee Candy, Baguette, Gim, S'more, Strawberry Cream, Astronaut, Starch Noodle, Strawberry Stick, Lotus Dragon, Lychee Dragon, Sugar Swan POKEMON [SPECIES] ; Absol [MEGA], Bewear, Blacephalon, Breloom, Carbink, Chatot, Cramorant, Cursola, Darkrai, Dedenne, Delcatty, Delphox, Eevee, Furfrou, Furret [SHINY], Galvantula, Glaceon, Hatterene, Iron Valiant, Jirachi, Kommo-o, Leavanny, Lucario, Lurantis [TOTEM], Luxray, Lycanroc, Maractus, Mareanie, Meowscarada [SHINY], Mew, Milotic, Mimikyu, Mismagius, Mudkip, Nihilego, Pheromosa, Pyukumuku, Raichu [ALOLAN], Rayquaza [SHINY], Sandslash [ALOLAN], Scoliopede, Scorbunny, Serperior, Shaymin, Smoliv, Sneasler, Solgaleo, Sylveon, Tapu Lele, Thievul, Tinkaton, Torracat, Tsareena, Vaporeon, Wooper, Wynaut, Xerneas, Zoroark [SHINY] POKEMON [HUMANS] ; Justy [JELLOAPOCALYPSE DOGS IN LOVE], N, Ingo, Emmet, Roxie, Clemont, Lisia, Lillie, Ilima, Mallow, Acerola, Marnie, Allister, Klara, Sabi, Florian, Penny, Iono, Rika, Ortega, Kieran, Lacey MISC ; wip.... sorrgy :(

Uta's Glorified Kinlist [IN THE KINNIE WAY] ;;

CHARACTERS ; Kanade Yoisaki, Mafuyu Asahina, Ena Shinonome, Mizuki Akiyama, Charun Krojib, Dave Strider, Fischl, Yoimiya, Strawberry Crepe Cookie, Espresso Cookie, Sprigatito, Ingo, Emmet, Iono, March 7th SONGS ; Born2Run [PENELOPE SCOTT], Hammerhead [PENELOPE SCOTT], Sweet Hibiscus Tea [PENELOPE SCOTT], Baxter Ward is Under Fucking Siege [PENELOPE SCOTT], anarchy [EGG], Digital Girl [KIRA], Nobody [MITSKI], Gay Jokes [RIO ROMEO], Mirror Man [JACK STAUBER]

[avese23]

I read this three times and still can barely see how you missed the point so terribly and normally I would correct you kindly but this is not an academic space and this is about the honor of lesbians so claws open, friend.

OP didn’t mention sex. OP mentioned women. I didn’t mention sex. I mentioned lesbians.

Only you brought up sex. You saw the word lesbian and your mind jumped to sex. Put your angry typing thumbs down and examine that.

Now either you’ve blocked me, tuned me out, or maybe you’re still reading. Comprehension, that’s sexy of you. We can work with that.

OP from reasonable assumption, was discussing the phenomenon of people who primarily drift toward male characters but have internalized misandry beating them out of shape cuz how could anything masculine be positive? We need to feminize him. Here warps the misandry into misogyny as you see tumblr users turning “post your favorite female character” posts into “well, he’s a woman to me.” Hence frustration, especially because often times character traits seen as charitable and tropable in male characters are received with annoyance or hatred when seen in female characters. If you’re still paying attention, what’s your favorite color? Hence OPs point.

I, picking up on this context, could see where OP is coming from. The internet do be misogynistic. The internet also struggles with shame around liking men. A lot of spaces are one skip away from transmisogynist rhetoric, it’s concerning. Anywho, as someone who rarely sees this problem off the internet I offered a positive to the vent.

A little tongue in cheek but also great fucking advice. Because if you’re sick of people putting male characters on a pedestal there’s nothing like a lesbian to reinstate your faith in feminist approaches to media. Not because they have “temporary desires” (also what are you smoking?? cuz I get that I’m demi but you’re the first person aside from cis men named Brad I’ve heard call any feeling toward a woman a temporary desire.) but because however sick the average person might be of the gender gap in media, lesbians are more sick of it. Google “heteronormativity,” talk to anyone about the exhaustion of having men thrown at you when you’ve dedicated yourself to a lifestyle based on who you are as a person that specifically centers women. As people. Cuz lesbians are people. Repeat that for me if you’re listening.

Regarding the quotation you’ve put…(which, no clue where you got that from? Like genuinely did you reblog from the wrong post by mistake? If so feel free to delete this and block me cuz this would be very funny content if the dignity of my fellow dykes. Like I was upsetty for a second but this is the second most amusing tumblr mix up I’ve gotten so no hard feelings) you seem to be under the assumption that I don’t like lesbians?? Or that people who lesbians aren’t attracted to cant like lesbians?? Which is weird cuz lesbians are objectively cool af. And my ace gf is a lesbian who I’m very attracted to so…again I don’t know where you’re drawing your sparks from.

Tbh I don’t blame you if you haven’t gotten this far. My brain is on tired mode and your response was so off target that this is less even about responding to you and more my adhd hyperfixating on close reading your text in some futile attempt to see what straws you were grasping. I haven’t had time to get to my sociology tbr and I don’t have an essay due till next week so this was genuinely engaging for my brain. I can’t solve the puzzle of what mistake you made but maybe you have so rejoice to that. OP sorry this is on your post I do not know where they came from but I think I’ve shooed them off lol.

Anywho. Why are you still reading. Despite my greatest efforts I am not a lesbian. I’m an equally sexy dyke but not the same kind. Now go befriend a lesbian! This person is stalling for some reason but you don’t have to. Go talk about how Kylo Ren would have been more engaging if he was written as a woman. Go talk about how Faith Lehane deserved better. Go talk about how Harrowhark is trying her very best and needs a hug but please ask before touching.

And remember the three tenants:

1. Be respectful to lesbians. Implying they’re only about women for the sex is a harmful homophobic stereotype. Also if it were true my besties would be dating but we have a bookclub group chat where they perform literary analysis over fictional instead of flirting. Maybe this poster shouldn’t talk to them if you’re gonna be offensive. They’re busy reading.

2. If you want a meaningful relationship with anyone using terms like “temporary desires” is not a way to do it. “Oh but I don’t do that romance or sex stuff” ok but you can try doing the empathy and common sense stuff. Other people won’t find your dismissal of their sexuality “a flex.” It will make finding friends hard

3. If you’re having trouble explaining a point…maybe the point isn’t ready to be out yet. Don’t embarrass yourself by butting into a conversation that’s nothing to do with the frustration in your head. If you don’t like explaining things, or drawing off of actual sources, go to twitter. This might not be the site for you. There are a lot of lesbians here (ooo espooky) and women who know how to read (eee scary) and like to befriend each other (le gasppp) it can be a lot 😔 <- this is irony btw

"he's like a woman to me!!!" not true because if he was a woman to you you wouldn't give a fuck about him

[moth-mayh3m]

So tumblr updated so if someone were to reblog their own post it wouldn't pop up in any notification so I'm sending it here (plus I might later suddenly get another spike of anxiety and delete the reblog so its best to get this out of the way before I panic again)

Thanks mate and no need to apologize I was the one who was being stubborn about not communicating anyways so it's all good

Also don't worry it wasn't really about that specific one just most of non canon in general (Besides the early days I was more steady then)

(despite it being more recent I actually forgot that rp while writing the post)

It's alright you guys get carried away it happens a lot in non canon anyways

because I just am unfortunately very socially awkward outside the canon comfort zone ig

Just very hard for me to keep up with others when I can't use what I'm good/skilled at (my stories) as a crutch if that makes any sense hopefully that isn't weird

I'm mostly an outsider in things after a while so it was bound to happen but I wanna thank you for letting me play in non canon

Even if I faded out anyways it was nice being allowed to play

Again thanks I don't think anyone means to pressure me but it gets kind of stressful

Like I'm in limbo of not being able to join in because I'm bad at interactions but not being able to leave because people ask me not to#Same I hope it'll work out soon the server thing isn't really anyones fault logically it just makes me feel kinda empty and less motivated

Hopefully one day it'll work out.

(Also I really do love kf though I suspect my hyperfixation is close to dying soon I want to continue the story

But it's not fun if nobody else is there for the story cause the reason I write stories including kf is to connect with people and make friends and give gifts using stories

unfortunately it's harder when you're passionate about a story that includes OCs which is why KF still stands and tinhj is barely existent

Cause kf has the favourites and Tinhj is mostly ocs. I got off topic hold on circling back)

Thanks for trying to be there for me I appreciate it#I'll try to do the same when you need it

It's barely chapter one and I've already panicked a lot over it sorry I'm way too anxious of a person

anyways ily platonically thanks for the tags mate

I'll try to keep going with KF if I can it really depends on the players wanting to play though

Those are all the tags anyways my anxiousness has caught up to me slightly and is saying you might have gotten a notification and I didn't so I'm just gonna send this now before I get too anxious and delete the ask sorry

oh no worries! i saw the tags! tumblr hasnt been giving me any issues like that, so you're fine!

[iam-siriuslysher-lokid]

Hi! I've been taking a break from the internet because I need to study + work and barely had time for other things and now that I am slowly coming back to tumblr and to fandom stuff...

here's what ive been up to:

The Sandman - watching the whole thing took me 2 weeks and im still obsessed. Everything I MEAN EVERYTHING IS PERFECT. The cast are all beautiful and gave good performance. The series gave me like it's a lovechild of Harry Potter, Doctor Who, Sherlock and Good Omens and im eating it all up. SEASON 2 RENEWAL WHERE ART THOU?

The Rehearsal - watched this bc I was hyperfixating so much on The Sandman and I wanted to finish some of my IMDB watchlist. Found this on my recommendation instead and got intrigued bc it has a high rating 8.2 and man MY BRAIN AND MY SOUL AND MY EMOTIONS ARE ALL OVER THE PLACE WHEN I FINISHED THIS SERIES. My mom watched with me and so she's been questioning a lot of things since we finished it.

Allu Arjun - I am still continuing my Tarak and RC watchlist and someone so kindly recommended me Allu Arjun films. I started with Pushpa 1 and it's just *chef's kiss*. WHY ALL TELUGU MEN SO HOT? YALL BLESSED SRSLY

SS Rajamouli - Idk if someone shares my sentiment towards this man but I'm falling hard for him. gahd he's the ultimate dilf dilf dilf in my list and it's about time it has to be said. and ofc, ive been following his interviews in TIFF.

Nathan For You - a show I decided to watch bc I cannot get over The Rehearsal (bc both are from the same writer/creator). Watching this show, made me realized, I haven't laughed a good laugh since the covid shenanigans started and my lack of social skills cannot even complement that.

Nathan Fielder - oh man! Since I saw The Rehearsal and Nathan For You, of which the shows he created and written, there is something about Nathan I cannot truly point out clearly but for me he was so attractive and sexy and his like ultimate boyfriend material - it's really not about his physicality or looks IT'S THE WAY HE THINKS! He's like the Sherlock Holmes in our current reality and it's a dream of mine to have him. Idk why but i feel my awkwardness and his truly match and his comedic stance is so relateable like I want to see Richard Ayoade and Nathan Fielder in one room for god's sake. Also Tom Scott (from YouTube) like all of them I WANT ALL OF THEM FOR MYSELF. >>> If you want to read more to that, here's the article link: Why Is Nathan Fielder So Sexy? (thecut.com)

Community - I think I can call myself a comedy show enthusiast but if there's another term for that then yeah I am that! So I just finished my rewatch of B99 and I went ahead to start Community and oh man - this series is hilarious. I still prefer The Office or Parks and Rec or other BritCom shows but it's refreshing to watch something new. Also I'm crushing so hard on Abed Nadir (Danny Pudi)

That is pretty much it! Next thing might be my GOT watch bc I want to watch HOTD so bad but I have to watch the og series first. Planning to also get into LOTR:ROP as I loved the book and the films (LOTR and The Hobbit) so I might alternate them so I can keep up.

PS. For all tagged posts, I am silently reading them and I truly enjoyed all the new Tarak/RC shipping. Loving the RRR fandom as we keep expanding! Miss you all too :3

(I really need to go back to work but I'm here creating a tumblr post)

[sepublic]

Happy Birthday to The Owl House!

           Honestly, I’m… REALLY shocked to think back on how it’s been a year? It’s been a full, actual year, since that first episode?

           I remember when The Owl House was first announced around early 2018. Something about it, the premise, the characters from that one poster we got; It really drew me in, and I kept track of the show’s progress in eager anticipation. Whenever Dana released art of Luz, Eda, and King, I was ecstatic- And when the show was delayed to 2020, I was dismayed.

           Then we got our teaser trailer; The opening them, the end credits, even a little sneak peek! I remember speculating a lot about Luz and all of the other new characters we were introduced to, such as Willow, Amity, and Gus- And then we got more and more trailers in the days leading up to the show. I wondered about Luz’s home back on Earth and where her family was, I listened intently to the Hooty and the Parliament music video, finding an almost melancholic, weirdly nostalgic (despite having never watched the show yet) vibe to it- Whilst also avoiding looking at the screen and seeing all of the various clips it offered, because I wanted to be surprised! It was two years of anticipation, two years of wait for this show- I’d never looked forward to a series before like this, last I can recall… So having this content FINALLY come out, seeing these characters in animation, hearing their wonderful voices! My soul was vibing, it was time, it was coming after all this time…!

          Eventually I finished Infinity Train Book 2, the same day that The Owl House premiered… I was blindsided when I woke up to the first episode’s release online, in full- I was already planning to wait until later to watch it on television, so having it permanently accessible from the internet was such a pleasant surprise! And the show… The show, man- That premiere caught me off-guard with how much I enjoyed it! I knew I was looking forward to this show, but still…! It blew away my expectations, and even now, has continued to; It was like my personal investment and attention had paid off so patiently well! I even got a DisneyNOW subscription so I could watch each new episode ASAP, the day it premiered, hours before it aired on television!

           I remember scouring Tumblr before the show officially premiered, and there was understandably very little- A few pieces of fanart here or there. And when the show DID premiere, for a while there wasn’t really much of a fandom- There was barely anyone, in fact! But I can remember a few notable blogs who have been around since the beginning… Me, I got invested into this show. I found myself really enjoying Lumity as a ship, especially since I resonated with both characters in it; Luz was such a ball of sunshine that brightened my day, and Amity really spoke to me with her more introverted, top-scoring personality. When the show hit its mid-season hiatus, I remember not handling it too well, as I got impatient and frantic in my speculations- I wanted so badly to learn more about these characters, see what happened- Get a look at Emperor Belos (then known as Bellows by the fandom), etc.

          I wrote my Bile Coven piece in preparation for Halloween, even got to know a mutual or two over shared theorizing! I kept track of Dana’s updates, and even had people come to my blog, of all places, to send asks! It was and still has been such an engaging part of fandom for me… I recall impatiently waiting for the Owl Pellet shorts and freaking out over them- And when Adventures in the Elements leaked early? I LOST MY MIND, I remember postponing something I was supposed to go to, just so I could watch the episode- And it was so good! Then I started wondering and hoping the rest of Season 1 would come out, and well- It took a while…

          And when Season 1B’s trailer came out, I was all over it; Scouring every possible frame, freaking out over the Grom screenshot, and appreciating the influx of new fans! It was amazing to watch The Owl House go from a relatively minor and obscure fandom, to becoming so much more mainstream and populous! I got into Rebecca Rose’s channel, I began writing more meta and posts about the show, as well as little recaps for each new episode. I feel like my blog really took off from here, as I got to interact with more and more people who shared this mutual love of The Owl House, and I was so ecstatic to see more content and buzz about it!

           My mind was solely focused on The Owl House, it was one of my huge hyperfixations, even moreso than during Season 1A’s run- I remember being anxious about Enchanting Grom Fright, wondering if we’d get queerbaited… But NO, Amity was in love with Luz! She canonically had a crush on her, a girl in love with another girl- And I loved it because Lumity was a special comfort ship of mine! Then Amity was confirmed lesbian… It was amazing! And I found myself SO invested, so inspired by the show and its characters, and all of the little allusions to things, the foreshadowing, the moments here or there that made so much more sense after a new episode.

           This show inspired me creatively- It got me to write some of my personal favorite fanfics, and I was and still am so touched by whatever feedback I get from them! The Owl House really got me to write, to obsess over characters and analyze them, to look at motifs, to think about worldbuilding… It’s been such an artistically enriching experience, both the show and the fandom! I remember despairing so terribly when Agony of a Witch came out, the genuine betrayal I had when Lilith revealed the truth- Because I’d been legitimately endeared to her character beforehand, even formed a sort of ‘trust’ in a sense… And like many others, I agonizingly anticipated the season finale, the much-needed emotional reconciliation!

           I remember how the episode titles were revealed, bit by bit, and how I and others speculated on what they’d spell out! I remember when the fandom obsessed over the Witch’s Apprentice game and its relics, for clues and new lore after each episode, the little hints here or there! I was freaked out by characters like Belos, who lived up to my hopes and expectations- First being alluded to by name, then his amazing appearance… And then his voice and mannerisms and everything about him! And when the Season Finale came out…

           Well, there was relief. But there was a bittersweet emptiness- That it was over! The first season was over! There was a celebratory triumph, of course- We finally wrapped up the first, major arc of the show, the first batch of episodes that had been worked upon, the whole thing now unveiled and appreciated! But I was a little dismayed because a part of me KNEW a hiatus much longer than the previous one was ahead of me, and I did not handle the mid-season hiatus well. Of course, then Dana had her Reddit AMA, and the charity livestream; Both of which NOURISHED me creatively, and have helped to fill out the wait! To carry out my momentum, to not flounder about in hiatus; I invested myself into more meta, into various posts, etc. I read fanfiction that genuinely floored me, obsessed over fanart, etc.

           I supported the show’s release on Disney Plus, ecstatic to get this kind of ready access. I revisited past episodes and characters, looking at them in a new light, appreciating things; Like Luz’s relationship with fantasy… King’s surprising development, all of Eda’s little hints and clues. There’s been an emotional catharsis with these characters for me- And I genuinely feel like I’ve been a lot happier lately because of this show! I’ve met so many other blogs and gotten to know them, seen their ideas and displayed mine as we appreciated one another… I even remember doing another blog’s fanart prompt prior to the show’s release, in preparation!

           I feel like The Owl House has genuinely given me a new appreciation for meta, for fandom and analysis… For headcanons, for writing my own stories and contributing my own ideas and speculations, etc.! It’s contributed SO much joy to me as a hyperfixation, and rapidly risen through my blog as my most frequent tag! And even as I explore other fandoms and hyperfixations, both then and now, especially to pass on this crippling hiatus… This show holds a VERY special place in my heart for me. It’s really made me feel for these characters, the love and sadness, the excitement and sense of comfort… Its love and emotions, angst and found family, lore and speculation, it hits so hard to me in a way that other media hasn’t!

           It’s provided representation- Such as canonically queer characters, or protagonists who speak so well to the neurodivergent experience for many people! I’ve had delight in seeing people suggest Amity as autistic, when before Season 1B, I lowkey headcanoned and saw her as such- So seeing more evidence for this resonated deeply in my heart! I remember all of the discussion about King as a character, the confusion and talk about whether or not he WAS a King of Demons, when that first announcement in 2018 had made a similar claim… I looked forward to Eda and Lilith’s relationship, speculated on who cursed Eda, and remembered when I’d considered the Blights as a potential culprit! I remember thinking about Hooty, wondering what his deal is- And thinking then and now about that Owl Deity mural in the Owl House! Watching Luz’s development as a character and as a witch, seeing her become more proficient with magic until it finally pays off with her squaring up against Belos, and wounding him- I’d never felt so proud of a character and their progress before!

           There’s still so many more questions and mystery, lore… as well as just genuine character interactions, to look forward to! I think The Owl House is one of my favorite shows of all time… It’s deeply touched me as a person and creator, and I genuinely strive to create something even close to this one day. This show has inspired me, made me laugh and cry, compelled me to creatively make content; It’s introduced me to a wider fandom that I genuinely feel like a part of, had me meet other mutuals… It really is something special to me. And while I am eager for Season 2, I also want to appreciate what Dana Terrace and her crew have already established. I love this show’s art style and animation, the designs and overall weirdness of its characters- I love speculating and thinking about them, getting more and more details, and so forth.

           If it’s for a better product, I’m fine waiting for Season 2. And honestly, I love what we already have, and I’ve done a lot with so many people. I’ve even looked over supplementary materials and stuff posted by the crew or news articles, in my need for content… And I love every bit of update, art, and/or acknowledgement of the show’s hiatus, and Season 2’s development! There’s so much to look forward to… And there’s so much that I’ve enjoyed, after plenty of anticipation!

           Thank you @danaterrace, and everyone who worked on this- For everything. It really is crazy to reflect on this entire year, to realize it’s been a full year since that first episode, since that first premiere that lit up my world like Luz’s light spells; And it feels like such a milestone that we’ve reached! I look forward to what comes next, and I also intend to keep appreciating and cherishing what we’ve already gotten. Here’s to this show’s second year, people- It’s been such a journey to look back on and remember each step, each phase, each particular moment and stage… And I can only imagine what will come next! This show has SUCH a special place in my heart, and has made me feel in so many ways I haven’t before!

           Happy Birthday, The Owl House! You’ve earned it!

[salytierra]

I will be permanently removing myself from “Fandom”

Not that anybody cares but here’s the thing: I’m tired of the cycle. 

By cycle I mean: getting into something → getting really into that thing and following a bunch of people, discovering ships theories and niches → reading most of my new OTP’s AO3 → start noticing all the drama, discourse and nonsense on tumblr → start getting really annoyed yet spend a lot of time and energy writing and drawing for the fandom → wake up one day and my hyperfixation is over. I’m no longer interested in the thing, I don’t want to see it, I lost all my WIPs and my completed works no longer bring me pride and joy → I wish I hadn’t wasted so many time on this because it looks so utterly pointless now. → Start unfollowing people and fixing my dash → R·E·P·E·A·T

This has been happening more and more often. I’m 27 and have been doing this since I was 13. I used to last years in fandoms. Now I can barely manage to get interested into something for a couple months. And meanwhile I don’t do anything with myself. I don’t build a reputation or a “sub-career” or something I can show-off or make a name for myself with. Because I keep cycling. 

And it’s always, always toxic. All fandoms are toxic when you dive deep enough. It’s a bunch of people arguing about meaningless crap like it decides the meaning of their life. They look nice on the surface but I’ve been in many, even as just an observer, and I’ve seen the same tired old drama in each of them. It’s a deal on the nerves and takes the worst out of communities. 

It’s going to be hard because ADHD and Hyperfixation, but I’m gonna try to learn how to enjoy media like a normal person. 

And maybe write and draw porn for twitter/reddit if the artistic need strikes lol. At least that is absolutely timeless and universal. 

I don’t know what’s going to become of this blog just yet, I’m not gonna dispose of it like I did with my previous one, but I will do my best not to keep up diving into fandoms. 

Maybe just reblog art, memes and funny posts? Who knows. 

I’m too busy for it now anyway. 

***

Some parting Recs:

- Genshin Impact is an awesome free game if u can’t afford the new Zelda.  - The Fire and Valor trilogy is a fantastic read/listen despite the crappy covers.  - This song.  - Whenever you’re sad look up “angry owls” on google images:

- And last but not least: take a break form tumblr. Seriously, do it. As often as you want because you are not obligated to be here or to cater to people here for free. Your mental health will thank you. 

[bitchin-beskar]

Little Sister

Fandom: The Old Guard

Rating: T

Word Count: 1.2k

A/N: This is my first fic EVER posted on Tumblr that isn’t about or involves Pedro Pascal in some way! While I am by no means abandoning him (trust me I have sooooo many ideas still for like... all of his characters) my other hyperfixation at the moment is The Old Guard, which means my brain wants to write fanfic for them as well!! This was posted first on AO3, but I’ll also be posting it (and any other works) here as well! I hope you guys like this, even though it’s different from what I usually post!

Tags: @perropascal

Let me know if you’d like to be tagged in any of my works!

She wakes with a scream on her lips.

It’s not the first time Nile has dreamt of Quynh, of drowning, of iron cages deep beneath the waves. It’s not the first time, and if Booker is anything to go by, it’s far from the last. The others told her that the dreams stop when they meet, but how is she supposed to meet someone who’s been trapped at the bottom of the ocean for half an eternity? 

She’s crying, tears running down her cheeks, but all she can think about is how Quynh can’t even cry, she lives and dies and lives again too quickly for tears to ever form in her eyes. Her hand is at her throat, and all Nile can do is remember how it felt, choking on her own blood the first time she died. It still gives her nightmares, even now that she’s died and been reborn numerous times since then, she can’t even imagine choking like that for centuries upon centuries. 

Her whole body is shaking, vibrating with a need to get out, but she can’t, because the need isn’t her own, and the one who needs to get out is trapped and Nile can’t help her, oh god what is she supposed to do–

The door opens, but it only barely registers, like the sound of a bird outside or a car on the road, and she dismisses it as unimportant, not when her entire world is falling apart and she’s breathing but Quynh’s not–

Nile is actually, genuinely, startled when the mattress in front of her and next to her dips, and she’s suddenly surrounded by two people that are radiating concern and worry so much that she can practically see it. Her vision is blurry from her tears, but she can tell that it’s Joe in front of her, which means that Nicky is the one next to her, rubbing soothing circles between her shoulder blades. It’s only when Joe gently grabs one of her hands and places it against his slow and steady heartbeat that she realizes how fast her pants of breath are coming.

“That’s it, Nile, breathe with Joe.” Nicky’s voice is in her ear, low and calm, just like Joe’s heartbeat, and her thoughts aren’t racing quite as fast as they were before. “Just like that sorellina, breathe.” 

Joe is looking at her so earnestly, with such softness in his gaze that Nile wants to cry even more. Nicky’s forehead is pressed against her temple, and she reaches out blindly for him with the hand not already occupied by Joe.

Nicky grips her hand tightly, intertwining their fingers, grounding her. Joe scoots forward until he’s the only thing that’s in her field of vision, his other hand wiping away the tears from her cheeks. They must sit like that for hours, although what are hours to immortals? Nile has so many hours left she doubts she could count them all, so she lets herself be selfish for just a little while, just a blip in her suddenly expanded lifetime.

Nicky finally speaks, although his voice is no less calming or soothing than it was when he first sat down with her. 

“Do you want to tell us about it?” 

Nile loves him for asking, but at this point, she’s not sure that telling the story again, reliving the repeated drownings again would do any good. She shakes her head, but now she’s thinking about it again, and she’s starting to panic again, and–

Nicky’s shushing her with soft, quiet noises, and Joe’s humming a melody she’s never heard, but it's beautiful and calm, and it helps ground her in the here and the now. Nicky’s pulling her back, encouraging her to lay down on the bed, tucking her underneath his arm so that her head’s resting on his chest, and she can feel his heartbeat, steady, pulsing, alive. Joe settles in next to her, wrapping an arm around her waist and pressing her back against his chest, like she’s seen him do with Nicky so many times before. 

She felt guilty, the first couple of times they did this, feeling like she was breaking some kind of sacred bond between the two, but Joe had put a stop to those thoughts quickly.

“Habibti,” he’d muttered, pressing a kiss against her temple. “I have slept beside Nicky for hundreds of lifetimes, and I will do so for hundreds more. If we can bring you enough comfort to allow you to sleep through the night, it is no hardship at all. You are family now, and that means Nicky and I will protect you while you sleep for the next hundred years or more, if you wish it.”

She’d hugged both men so hard that night, she was afraid she might have cracked some ribs, but if she had, neither one showed it. Every night, she would valiantly try to sleep on her own, and every night, she woke from nightmares. Joe and Nicky were always there in seconds, rushing in and taking her into their arms, soothing her with words in Italian and Arabic that she didn’t understand, but made her feel safe nonetheless. 

They’d become her protectors, in ways she hadn’t even known she’d need. When Andy had first told her of her immortality, Nile had foolishly thought that would mean that she’d never have to feel afraid again. And then the mess with Booker and Copley and Merrick had happened, and the nightmares of Quynh had happened, and Nile realized she had a hell of a lot of worse things to be afraid of now. But every night she slept sandwiched between Joe and Nicky was a night a little bit more of that fear chipped away. 

“Quiet your mind, habibti,” Joe murmurs, face buried in her shoulder, protecting her neck. “I can hear you thinking.” 

One of Nicky’s hands is buried in Joe’s hair, but the other is running soothingly up and down Nile’s arm, and she smiles sleepily. “I didn’t know mind reading was one of your superpowers, Joe.”

Nicky chuckled quietly, his hand settling on her forearm, holding her to his chest. “It’s called intuition, and he’s right. You’re tired, sorellina, try to quiet your mind. You need your sleep.”

Nile just mumbles, basking in the warmth and comfort that they’re providing her with. She’s on the verge of falling asleep, but there’s one question that just won’t let her rest. “Joe? Nicky?”

She can feel the sighs of both men, and the fond exasperation that filters through when Nicky answers. “What is it, Nile?”

“What does habibti mean? And sorellina? You haven’t taught me those words yet,” she mumbles, eyes closed. 

She can feel Joe’s grin, and she knows Nicky is grinning too. “Habibti means my love, in Arabic,” Nicky starts, and Joe finishes his sentence. “And sorellina means little sister, in Italian.” 

Nile sighs, her whole body relaxing now that her one burning question has been answered. “I guess you guys really do like me, huh?” She mutters, teetering on the precipice of unconsciousness. 

“Of course we do, Nile,” Nicky says, squeezing her arm at the same time Joe squeezes her waist. “We love you, little sister. Don’t you ever forget it.”

[ill-be-istj-if-no-one-else-is]

maybe a dumb q but is it uncommon to not relate to any grip/loop behaviour patterns? I for sure must have been in a loop/grip at some point in my life, but i just dont think i relate to just a single particular set of stress behaviours. i read the descriptions and arent they just generally... a bit vague? being irritable, withdrawal from others, self doubt, sleeplessness or oversleeping. how are these related to just one function? arent these things just common traits of a depressive episode? /1

even thinking of the times ive had depression all i did was: self loathe, play pc games, sleep, cook all the damn time even tho i barely ate anything to the point i couldnt fit any more food into my fridge, self isolate, not speak to anyone, despair, overthink, and cry. isnt that mroe or less just... common depressive behaviour? how is anyone suppose to relate that kind of disordered behaviour to any type? sorry if this is stupid btw lol i can be kinda dense /2

-----------------------------------------

Hi anon,

I don’t know if it’s common or not but I’m pretty sure it’s more normal to feel this way than not to feel this way, and here’s why.

You actually might not have ever been in a grip or loop in your life! There was a good shitpost a while ago which was like “remember how you once thought you were so twisted and unredeemable and it turned out you were just like, 15” and I think that the “I am damaged, I am unhealthy, I have undergone such trauma” mindset gets really unhealthily amplified on Tumblr and in typology circles, and it’s one that should get shut down far more than it does, and while that’s a whole other post, the summary is lots of people are like “I think I’m TERRIBLY UNHEALTHY and I’ve been looping for YEARS” and 99.9% of the time either they have a very standard and reasonably treatable mental illness, they are mistyped and so their standards for what healthy looks like are wildly incorrect for who they actually are, or they’re just like, cranky and melodramatic and need to take a nap.

It’s also of course entirely possible you have been in a grip or loop if you were, chances are your mind was on something else and your memories of that time are not going to be Ah yes, I recall when my tertiary function’s impulses were used to validate the worst impulses of my dominant function which then reinforced those tertiary function behaviors; they’re going to be “I remember when I was going through some really bad times.”

I don’t know which descriptions you read because the ones I have linked aren’t quite that vague, but things like irritability, withdrawal, self-doubt, and sleeplessness are indeed pretty universal stress behaviors (and this includes acute stress that falls short of mental illness - like, a breakup or finals week can lead to this sort of behavior). They can’t and shouldn’t be linked to any specific type.

Which brings me to my point, which is I think I have, at least for the past couple years, been increasingly clear in that I think typing off of stress behaviors is an unequivocally bad idea. It’s bad because a lot of stress behaviors are widespread symptoms of either normal levels of stress or various mental illnesses (ie, you are 100% justified in asking how one could possibly relate the general behaviors you describe to a type). It’s bad because it pushes you to focus on yourself at your worst instead of at your normal baseline functioning, which absolutely, in my opinion, is going to perpetuate that edgy I Am Damaged mentality for people who are completely average in terms of health, and make it easier for people who actually are dealing with mental illness to think it’s just who they are instead of a treatable situation that can be improved. It’s bad because people are the least likely to be able to consider themselves objectively and calmly in those moments, and neurologically, it’s actively hard to remember things when you’re depressed, stressed, or grieving - like, if you are clinically depressed for a couple of months, you will not form new memories of that time in the same way you normally would! So typing off of stress basically is like ‘hey take this thing about which you have little in the way of valid information and which makes you feel bad about yourself and hyperfixate on this only and use it to consider something that’s supposed to be a model of your personality at large’. It is such a bad idea and I have theories as to why it caught on but it doesn’t matter because it just needs to stop.

This isn’t to say looping and gripping aren’t worth considering, but if you read Was That Really Me, the text that defined gripping, there are some worthwhile takeaways. First: this book is the observations of an external party (the psychologist who wrote it), not the observations of people actually living it. Second, while there’s some advice on what to do, it’s from the perspective of that therapist, a person who has been explicitly brought in by those people experiencing stressors to help.

I don’t think the intent of introducing the concept of gripping was to help people type themselves or avoid the step of seeking some kind of help during a period of stress, but rather to provide some explanations for patterns of behavior, perhaps indicate some warning signs, and show how psychologists who use MBTI apply it.

More generally, understanding the loop and grip for your type can help show you the specific thought process behind certain stress behaviors you have as an individual that are not explicitly symptoms of depression or anxiety, but it’s a thing to look at after you already have figured out your type from other means, and it’s a potential pitfall, not a thing that you’ve necessarily experienced.

[beyondthetemples-ooc]

“Why” tags are going here because Tumblr’s a baby who can’t handle all these words at once. :P

Why:

#but i spent my whole life absolutely CONVINCED that wings belonged on my body. it just... tok me a good long while to figure out Why.

#Oh THAT'S why everyone's freaking out over that post.

#at first I was like ''Wow this is Srentha to the core!'' And then I read ''why this unreasonable answer at the sight

#honestly this is why i'm basically addicted to empty-mind meditation?

#??? why do people do these awful things to Good People though

#i don't know how or why and i don't remember ever having Learned about That Letter? but my mind automatically knew it was 'hath' somehow

#Of course that DOES beg the question of why a LORd of CHAOS doesn't... you know. CHANGE it? ??

#first of all: REM WHY ARE YOU COMING to OHIO of all places???

#okay but. randy how did they MEET what's the STORY why are they HATING on TEXAS

#or like. a Sarcastic Joke because cyborg was once like ''why aren't you miss mary sunshine''?

#''What are you DOING. You RUN. ALWAYS RUN.'' and i was like. ''why bother getting into adventures if you're gonna RUN though..''

#I don't know why but I always score better on Customer Service Questionaires when I choose responses like ''I'm sorry

#i've never seen that still before and I CAN;T FATHOM WHY because that is FANTASTIC!

#I don't know why but ''novice suddenly ends up with super incredibly powerful abilities'' is one of my FAVORITE TROPES!

#I have no idea how/why but these just gave me Massive Leyla and Srentha Feels.

#my usual turnaround time for Dreams to Real Life is about two weeks. not sure why but it happens to like 7 people in my immediate family

#Especially with the bells. I don't know why but bells always remind me of that place. ~<3

#Nobody intrinsically knows how to solve problems that hurt another person. That's why COMMUNICATION is so important!

#also: Good Post re: Why Danny is So Actually-Great

#why does everyone spell ''bear with me' like that?

#i know right? Why did I never think of that??

#why do i love this so much

#that's basically why Evanescence became my favorite band. it's not all romo-/sexually-centric

#i've always read it the same way and didn't notice Why Everyone Stopped Liking Her but that also brought that particular Change to light...

#groans eternally in Tumblr's direction. why even bother with all these updates.

#Oh THAT'S why Eda could do glyphs! /joke

#thaaaat's probably why Fancie Word Choice has always been a strength in my writing.... {lD;;;;;

#velvet and sheer... why have I never seen that combination before? It's GLORIOUS

#That's probably why he's so good at spontaneous Travelling too. Lots of practice when trying to find her... /owo

#This is why House and Senate votes count though! The President may have a lot of control over the military but a strong H+S

#I know MC Escher was a master of this (whatever This is) and that's why he's one of my favorite artists.

#okay but I'm intensely curious why he didn't have a plan to take HIMSELF out and thought he'd have to rely on THEM dsfndsgmfhdgj

#I wonder why he'd need to attack/defend while shifted? Can he also use such magic when he's not shifted?

#but I think that variety is why her every new album is so refreshingly Different.  Her singing ALONE improves so MUCH with every album!

#the only difference is that I imagined the fire came with smoke and that's why her gasp was so strangled and she grabbed her throa

#honestly this is why i'm basically addicted to empty-mind meditation?

#i'm cleaning my room and i misplaced it. badfnmkngjf;lk this is why i hate cleaning

#but scenes like this are why i love DC's latest gen of animated movies

#that Friends As Family theme was super important to why i love the 80's comics too..........

#this is why i read fanfic

#i think she feels slighted in some way but i can't pinpoint Exactly Why let alone HOW.

#and it's like.. Halfo f why lapis's characterization is so Shaky for me? Because the girl barely talks??? And she has like 7 Speech Modes

#^^^^ GUYS THIS WAS ALERINA. This is the environment Dove was raised in! This is why losing her mother tore her apart! ^^^^^

#This is so so SO important and delves deeply into why language is so important for learners and general humanity alike. ~<333

#that's why my tag for Old People Stories isn't specific to any generation. it's just Shitty Adults Being Shitty

#I write primarily about OCs and I know that's why my readership is so low. I write stories for a Dead Fandom that has declined sharply.

#you know? so that's why my Affirmations Tag is like 60% Steven UniversE Content at this point. 8F It's Helping Me Learn!

#It's a CIRCADIAN THING not an INSOMNIA THING. I don't know why my doctors don't believe it's NOT the same as INSOMNIA

#oh is THAT why my love language is ''all of them''?

#and i hardcore headcanon ry ouwearing glasses when he gets older. so why not?

#i Suck at the aCTUAL DRAWING art but i'm i na bit of a fallow period with the org and personal life. so why not?

#i'm already planning an aviary for the doves. so why not? (they'd be Very Separate from teh raven though. for obvious reasons)

#let's add to the Emotional Whiplash of Today pile. sure! why not!!

#but i got the dvd and i have vlc so why not use them i guess? i already had it in the drive for the extras and this way there's .....

#She can hop dimensions so why on Earth-- ALL the Earths-- hasn't she Been Relevant to ANY multi-timeline crisis yet???

#yes of fucking COURSE Dove and the rest are in Team Transition too!! Why on Earth-- on ANY earth! wouldn't I transition them too?!

#so why on earth did danny chase get shafted so hard?????

#about WHY or if she's GONNA be OKAY or HOW or--

#So gentle and soft and concerned and really quite quiet and subtle... which might be why others didn't pick up on the Love Vibe

#but the last one I reblogged didn't have that specified! 8O i don't know why one of my special interests is Unusual Instruments

#why WOULDN'T you snog a snitch if it could bring your dead loved ones back though? Why on Earth WOULDN'T you???

#but it's about ''they're very different. but they're friends!'' It just never talks about why or how that's important.

#(i think that's her full name for some reason but i don't know why or when i heard/saw it. somebody please correct me if i'm wrong!)

#I must be an Asker. I've never understood why people are so convinced they Can't Say No if someone asks?

#i also think PTSD makes you react to fear Differently from Pure Adrenaline Responses... but i can't unravel Why right now

#And also at the time I couldn't fathom why someone would think she was autistic. because i didn't know myself

#god this foreshadowing was just. so sincere and heart-rending and when this episode came out I *DID* wonder why she'd say that...

#I'm STILL trying to figure out why Srentha thought Dove was confessing that she has heartworm. (i know she Does Not in fact

#at first I was like ''Wow this is Srentha to the core!'' And then I read ''why this unreasonable answer at the sight

#i can't figure out why though

#If my Harmony Core theory is correct: it would explain why they're playing their music So Hard.

#the fact that my first reaction was ''why though'' is..... concerning?

#raven's like How? Why The HELL. and dove doesn't have a good answer besides ''it felt like i needed it.''

#fun fact: i misread this as ''zatana zatara / MICHIGAN '' and i was like... ''why the fUCK--''

#i don't know why there's all this fanart of

#and also sugar skulls are delightful but you should really know what they MEAN and REPRESENT and WHY they're sweet and flamboyant

#if someone is passionate; angry; or distressed over a topic: She doesn't always understand WHY until they EXPLAIN it. If they do at all.)

#oh hey why was THAT line never a meme

#this is why we need

#but that doesn't make it any less FRUSTRATING because I've been wORKING THROUGH the pptsd and why won't it STOP?

#(because that's why we have to pay for everything from movies to individual channels now. let's be real)

#i've never understood why winter and fall were the only ~fashionable~ seasons for wearing black.

#I mean to be FAIR some of the government DID mobilize and that's why we got the Stimulus Bill.

#But DC... this bullshit is why we can't have nice things

#and as soon as I looked it up: y first thought was ''Oh is that why we call them Abner?'' My second was ''Is that what *I* am?''

#also if you're as powerful as zee it probably comes second-nature so why WOULDN'T you throw it around to stop an argument?

#okay but if SPINEL doesn't know then how/why would BLUE know

#what? no i didn't just stare at this for a solid two minutes and read it over five times. no.. why would I do that?

#that's because it's not ''cool'' to hate on it so why would it be ''cool'' to like it ironically?

#why WOULDN'T you snog a snitch if it could bring your dead loved ones back though? Why on Earth WOULDN'T you???

#but it's not like a ragey angry thing. it's like........ war of attrition? why yes i think i WILL sign the 47th petition for the same thing

#over and over again and rewound and replayed until i got the whole spell written down. why YES I'm a little hyperfixated! why do you ask!!!

[bma-2020]

Okiedok here’s the delio. I have a list of all the blogs from the last six months who’s actively either responded to a meme i sent, responded to a message ive sent, replied to something regarding mally herself, has actually written with me, written a starter for me from my liking a starter call, has at least liked a starter i wrote for them to awknowedge it exists, all that jazz, i have a lot of open field so it’s not just a possible tumblr didnt let them no option anymore, because i send memes to everyone who posts them that i see. I reply to most peoples ooc posts. I like most starter calls I pass by. I try my darndest to actually interact bc i know how it feels to be ignored and its… i’ve been called one before so i’m using the word, thats fluffing cunty behavior, and honestly if you complain about not being interacted with but never even try when i try with you, ya being cunty, end of. I gotta list. That list only entails Mally because she’s who I care about the most. I’m probably gonna start instilling a new rule in all my blogs that if you ignore Mally and/or Darcy( @tasedandconfused ), since I would say they’re my two main blogs tho darcy gets ignored even more than mally does, probably bc i denied canon and left it entirely we know fandom hates that, if either of them is ignored then… Ya out of luck, I’m gonna unfollow you. I’m debating soft blocking everyone who ignored me on both of them but I don’t want to like be mean and deny the chance to eventually try again but at the same time i shouldnt feel bad for taking a stand and saying this is bullsheet, idk my anxiety says im awful for giving a fluff about myself but also i should give a fluff about myself probably, ive nearly died in the last three months, my brain almost exploded, i just had three root canals on one corner of my face, i have to potentially get surgery on my inner ear which i cant even afford, i dont got time to deal with only being used for like smut memes or like as a resource blog or utter bs like that, i dont got time for it. So new rules here. 1: If Mally or Darcy are not acknowledged, written with, responded to, viewed as more than just their fluffing bodies? ya dropped, im unfollowing, potentially soft blocking, which means blocking and unblocking for those not in the know, on all accounts I follow you on. Every single one. I know most of my muses are on sideblogs but despite not being able to send memes from sideblogs you can block people from sideblogs fun fact, i will do that if i have to. 2: I’m gonna be posting SCs, PCs, memes, etc. I like and respond to plotting calls, starter calls, i send memes, all of that. If I don’t get any response within.. I’m giving one week for people who don’t run on a queue and a month and a half to people on a queue based system, if i dont get anything within that time like at least an im being like ‘its posted’ or ‘its queued i wanted to let you know in case tumblrs a fluffbutt’ (i do this sometimes if i dont get even just a like on the starters i post so i at least know people saw it since i know tumblrs bs, i wait until the day they’re active to do so in case theyre busy yknow) basically i need acknowledgment at all. No you can’t claim this is abt follower count bc when you unfollow someone they inevitably unfollow you too, thats gonna drop my following, not as quickly as soft blocking would but i wanna be fair i guess, which leads to: 3: I’m basing this on your activity too, like if i like a think and you’re gone for a month after that its fine, im not gonna unfollow you unless you never come back or youre online and posting others just not mine because that tells me youre specifically ignoring me and im gonna drop you for that end of. I’m done with the bullsheet im done w the dillish behavior, i love friendship but if im giving and never receiving thats extremely one way and not gonna work. I check through my follow list weekly and i go back about five-10 pages on someones feed before i unfollow them to see their actual activity and see if theyre here or if its a q so. I’m thorough basically. 4: You dont have to be active with me on all your blogs, i mean i’d prefer it but thats hard as fluff so essentially if you have like five blogs and are just like trying w me on two or three thats fine. Ten blogs, four or five with at least a plot formed is cool. Multis just one muse is all I’d need. I’m not gonna unfollow the blogs youre not writing w me on if you at least write w me on some. Again, specifically Mally and/or Darcy. If you ignore both of them, we’re done. I havent been active on darcy because of being ignored and its a huge butt mess and im just tired i wanna use my babies, you don’t get to have my ‘better’ muses like i know a lot of ppl only follow me for my boys or my villains, you don’t get them if you ignore my baby. But, there is a limit there too. 5: If you never respond to a meme or thread even once with Mally or Darcy, or post a starter, i reply, its never replied to again after a month, I’m unfollowing and/or soft blocking for that too. Bc that means youre just raising my hopes to fluff with me or get someone else and honestly, youre even more cunty than than the people just flat out ignoring me if you do that. And this isnt a specific person, this is five of the people actually on my list. Yes, my list is also annotated with specifics again I was very thorough on this yesterday, I hyperfixated I’ll admit it, I’m in a fluffing depressionary bubble and being told to get over it because people want something they dont deserve to have to. I am a believer that people deserve good things but if youre purposefully being cunty… no you dont. 6: No I’m not releasing my list, maybe I will and I’ll omit the urls because I don’t want people being buttholes to each other too but otherwise, yall not seeing it im not giving a callout because… really thats just unnecessary here. I don’t think yall are toxic people or something i just think yall are unintentionally being cunty. And no I don’t mean everyone that follows me i mean the ppl that add up to what i’ve documented so far and fit the bill of butthat that i’ve shown, its behaviors yall gotta check before ya wreck. Yes there will be some people who have priority, everyone has those people, I write w kathryn on other platforms since she doesnt go on here as often but when Kathryn returns from war here (if she does cause she also agrees most ppl on this platform are cunty, i feel really bad saying that word so often but im gonna keep doing it i recently deleted an ask saying I was a huge cunt for not sending someone smut memes when I didn’t even follow them or know they existed so, again the travesty of this place is nutballers) same with owly, alex is here too, my most active partners are always going to be priority because theyre the ones who show the most interest and the most care. I understand that with others as well which is why I have the timeframe set up, because I want to be as open and shizz as possible while atill being firm i guess. I don’t want to have extreme double standards like its impossible for double standards not to exist at least a little bit but I want to avoid a golden chest full of them I guess. 7: I don’t have a seven rn, this was an even number and it bothered me. Seven is nust my warning that I’m bittery writing this on mobile so formatting is not real but i tried my dandest to make this look like something people might actually mind. I dont want to be butty, i dont want to be awful, i dont want to start drama or have drama but that shizz comes around anyways so i might as well make my space as okay for me as i can cause im supposed to avoid stress so my brain doesnt almost explode again, like again i almost fluffing died i dont need ppl fake being my friend or anything, i want stuff to be real and clear. I want to be happy to be on here again and have fun like i used to since my health is plummetting and I’m not allowed to go outside near plants by myself anymore because i welt up. I have plants outside my work place and im surrounded by chemicals all day long I’m welted from here to new york constantly and never comfortable in my own skin because of it and constantly see people online acting like these actual real problems are pretentious because ‘its an excuse’ when, im a fluffing sagittarius, do you know how much i want to magically be a millionaire so i can pay for friends and my own medical stuff and go on traveling and adventures, be outside probably not camping bc as a pagan i know thats a death sentence but like be outside, lay on grass, go back to swimming because i used to swim competitively and due to health reasons i can barely even go in a pool anymore because theres too much sunlight which, bit plot twist i know, im fluffing allergic to vitamin D and the rays of the sun, so go figure, attempts to be healthy kill me more, i also cant eat most plants and am constantly dying from just eating food, they dont know whats wrong with me. i cant fix it by going ve/gan for a month inf act i tried and it almost made my heart stop thanks society. These arent excuses these are the lives of disabled and diseased and to a lesser but still very real point, ethnic lives every fluffing day. This is real shit and its murder and online and gaming? It may be all I have soon since I can’t just go out and make new friends cause, again, I’d fluffing die. I get sick going to the mall or the movie theater, I miss theme parks so much but have to minimize it to weeks i dont have work so i dont get fired for having a welt while working in the beauty industry. I may have to get a degree online and change my field entirely because of my illness that nobody understands. People even make fun of it constantly online and I wish I could just drop online entirely because of how unbelievably ableist the entirety of the world is, i wish i could drop humans in general for their ableism, but i cant. I don’t have choices in most cases, but throwing away people who maybe purposefully maybe unintentionally thats why i’m giving you this warning and will be repeating this warning for awhile, this is where i have choice. I have to use what little choice I have in life while I can since everytime i go to movies or a concert or a theme park i almost die because of not having an immune system that functions or being in certain air qualities pr being near plants or unclean people, I may not have much time and I gotta do whats best for what little mental health I have, and if that means dropping people i care about and really want to write with and do things with but who ignore me then, i guess so be it.