#hurt and no comfort

[nburkhardt]

Here is an angsty thing with a happy ending! (Please note: this takes place BEFORE seasons 3 & 4 but after demodogs.)

Pray for the Ground to Swallow Me Whole

He’ll eventually thank her for the domino effect she caused. It’ll be the best thing to happen to him, even if it meant leaving town very premature.

But for now, his heart hurts and his eyes are burning from holding the tears back. For now he’ll stand here and listen to words that’ll haunt him, to faintly be reminded of times when he was an ignorant asshole that only cared about himself and didn’t bother thinking of his actions.

Truthfully, he sorta thought this would happen.

The only ones who actually actively engaged with him was the kids, especially Dustin and Lucas. But if he was being truly honest with himself, a nasty voice in the back of his head always told him they just liked him because he saved them. He tried not letting that get to him.

Currently though? That nasty voice is whispering and it’s not just a voice in his head anymore.

The voice just sounds a lot like Joyce Byers.

“- you did help him and I’ll always be grateful for that. Honestly. But I also remember him coming home from school and telling me about this kid, this jerk who laughed and poked fun at him,” Joyce stops to take a breather, crossing her arms and looking disappointed as if he wasn’t already used to that kind of look, “It actually makes me very uncomfortable to have you around, you have to understand that?”

He choked down a defense and sob, blinked hard before looking away with a nod. Listening to this for the last twenty minutes has broken him down faster than Nancy calling him “bullshit”.

“Yes, Mrs. Byers, I’ll-I’ll leave your family alone”

She nodded, “I’d appreciate that, Steve. But I’m not just talking about my family”

He’s hit with ice and dread. Freezes up and looks back at her, “wha-what do you mean? I’m sorry, I’m confused”

“I don’t think it’s really appropriate for you to be around Will and his friends. With my knowledge of what Jon told me about you and the fact you are five years older than them. It would make a lot of their parents uncomfortable too. Don’t you know that?” She’s speaking softly now, like she’s talking to a scared animal.

And maybe she is, he feels like it.

He shakes his head, not to her though. To himself, shaking the memories of hang outs with the Henderson family. Memories of Claudia Henderson making extra food- “just in case, dear! You can even have leftovers for tomorrow!” And Dustin biking over just to tell him about the newest movie he wants to see- “we absolutely have to go, Steve! It’s gonna be a classic, trust me!”

The memory of Claudia hugging him close, telling him “such a blessing, sweetie! You’ll always be welcomed here” that still makes him cry late at night in his empty quiet home.

He avoids looking at Joyce, trying to figure out a way to get away.

“I- uh, I gotta, if you’ll excuse me” he mumbles and doesn’t smile or even look directly at her. Just moves around her to leave, as he walks out and overhears the excited voices calling for him, he ignores them and keeps his head down to avoid showing them how red his cheeks are in embarrassment and how much he’s holding back tears.

Without saying goodbye, he gets into his car and drives.

He doesn’t know how long he drives, doesn’t know where he’s going. Just driving to get away, to avoid listening to Joyce’s words that are already taunting him in his head. Slowly mixing in with “you’re bullshit” and “run away, Steve, always running away!” and all the disappointed sighs and taunts from his father.

The car picks the location for him, gas running low and he’s forced to stop at Lovers Lake. Pulling to a stop and turning his car off, he sits in silence. Staring ahead at the lake, eyes still burning.

It’s a long time as he just sits there. In silence.

Rubbing his eyes to get the tears to go away, there’s no reason to cry. She is right, he was an asshole and it is inappropriate for a eighteen year old to hang around thirteen year olds.

Even more inappropriate to hang around a house where he isn’t welcomed.

He rests his head against the steering wheel, arms around it and his knuckles turning white from how hard his gripping the wheel. His eyes burn and he laughs a bitter sound, lightly hitting his head against the wheel. “Fucking, knock it off, get yourself together” he mumbles and it’s weak, he chokes back another sob as he squeezes his eyes shut.

There’s a knock on his window that makes him flinch hard, eyes are wide and he’s immediately aware of how fucking stupid he was to let his guard down like that. Looking next to him he flinches again, not because he’s scared but because of who’s standing there.

Of all the people to find him right now, during probably his lowest point ever, is the local drug dealer. The twice senior and King of the Freaks, Eddie Munson.

“Hey man, uh, you okay?”

Shaking his head, he rests it back on his headrest taking a breath before rolling the window down. Munson takes a step back, he only knows because of the chains hanging from the guy’s pants.

“All good, Munson” he lies straight through his teeth, he doesn’t need to see how red his face is with how warm it feels. And his hands actually hurt now from how hard he was gripping the wheel, “i didn’t- uh, see anything.”

Since he’s leaning his head back on the headrest with eyes closed, he doesn’t see how Munson reacts. The only noise is just nature, birds chirping and the wind hitting leaves. He doesn’t even hear Munson moving, so opening his eyes he looks over and finds the guy standing there with an odd look on his face.

“Look, I’ll just- fuck,” he knocks his head back before rolling the window up and turning his car off, climbing out and avoiding looking directly at the guy. “I’m gonna just go”

Doesn’t bother waiting for something back, it’s been long enough in his own pity party. Now, he just needs to walk home and figure out how he’ll go about life without seeing the Henderson family and the rest of the kids.

“Are you walking? What the fuck, just leaving your car here?” Munson shouts out at him.

He glances back at his car then at Munson, slowing to a stop. “Why do you care?”

It doesn’t make a whole lot of sense, why would this guy care whether he leaves his car here? It’s only Hawkins, no one is going to steal his car. You’re more likely gonna come across a monster around than a stolen car.

Especially not at Lover’s Lake. Also why care about him? He’s an asshole and everything Munson hates and loudly announces at lunch.

He shakes his head and starts walking again, taking the silence that Munson doesn’t actually care about him. It doesn’t hurt to admit another person doesn’t like him, he honestly would be shocked if someone did like him.

What really hurts is the fake worry, the questioning, the fake concern and the curiosity.

He’s going to continue to walk home that’ll take him a few hours and will only make it back by dark. Without a weapon, without the bat to hold, because he left that in his car and Munson is still here. Can’t let him ask anymore questions.

“-sus Christ! Jesus, slow the fuck down Harrington!” Munson sounds out of breath, a lot closer too.

He flinches when a hand lands on his arm, “What? What do you want?” He turns and shakes the hand off, “if someone steals it, whatever. It- it doesn’t matter.”

Munson squints at him, looking confused, “Dude, wait, why are you crying?”

Touching his face, he laughs and it sounds so wrong. He is crying, didn’t even realize it was happening. Shaking his head, he turns around and doesn’t bother answering.

“Come on, Harrington!” Munson grabs hold of his shoulder and his grip is rough, “look, I’m sorry if you want to be alone but fuck, dude, you look like shit and crying alone is the worst. So, why don’t I give you a ride to whoe-“

Shaking his head, “like I have anyone to run to right now”

There’s a flash of Claudia and Dustin Henderson in his head and he wants, thinks that they’d shake him and hug him tight if they knew what was said and how it’s haunting him already. Won’t go away, it just brings more tears.

Munson’s silent and his hand drops, leaving behind a faint pressure and that hurts too.

“God, I’m so pathetic right now.”

“Nah, just lonely it seems”

His eyes snap to Munson and his hands are shoved into his jacket, kicking his foot before looking back at him, “I won’t judge, seriously. Let me help, even if it’s just to give you a ride”

“Just a ride?”

Munson nods, “just a ride, unless you change your mind”

He nods, taking a deep breath before stepping towards Munson, “okay, you can, um. Take me home?”

A smile spreads across Munson’s face and he takes his hands out to swing them towards where his van most likely is, “your chariot awaits, good sir!”

Despite his mood and how this might possibly be one of the worst days of his life, he cracks a tiny smile. Just enough to squeeze at his heart, actually.

Walking along side Munson is quiet, it’s a little peaceful. If he remembers correctly, Munson was never this quiet before. Always talking or laughing or yelling, he’s loud and sometimes overly obnoxious.

This is nice. Actually really nice, this quiet with him.

They make it to the van and the ride isn’t the same quiet but it’s still there. He can feel it deep in his bones now.

That this, right here, is peaceful.

Hello! This whole thing originally started back in May and I lost a little interest in this particular WIP, so I stopped and it’s been in my drafts since. Then I kept getting writers block, still have it tbh. But I read it back today and decided I can technically turn this into a two part fic instead of a one shot soo, it’s finally being shared!

I want to be clear that it’s an AU from after the demodogs and everything after that won’t be the same. And that I have nothing against Joyce but I thought “what if it was someone else than made Steve leave/didn’t like Steve?” guess who I picked 😇 plus we have enough Hopper & Joyce adopt Steve fics, we need a little more of them not doing that. Also!! There should be more fics of them being wrong, that they’re being judgmental and need consequences for their words & actions.

Anyway! I’m automatically assuming only a few people will read this far into my rambling. And if you did I love you, you get a platonic forehead kiss ☺️

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[seraphimart]

Reprogrammed

((Rose spirals after what Akumu has done to her))

You're my greatest creation, yet time after time, you make me look like a fool!

You smother my name with your defiance! And for what? To play hero to peasants who fear who you are?

You're a monster to them. They shower you with empty praise because they fear your wrath.

Do you honestly believe an assassin can hold sentimental bonds.

"I never wanted to be an assassin! But no matter how hard I try to get away from you, you always find a way to drag me back to this goddamn hellhole!"

Such an ungrateful and naive child... after everything I have done for you. Fine, if you truly want to leave, then so be it.

"I...what? You aren't going to order your asshole guards to drag me back?"

Im tired of constantly playing this pathetic little game with you, Scarlette. You are free to leave. But know this you will find out the truth, and you will willingly crawl back to me. I expect you to redeem yourself for such insubordination and disloyalty when you do.

-------------‐---

Rose had left, not bothering to take anything with her, not that she had anything worth taking. Everything she had was because of Akumu. Even as petty as it sounds, she would rather gain her own things than rely on him anymore.

She gathered with the Rebellion that Akumu called 'peasants.' They had welcomed her into the group and headquarters. They had a feast in her honor and a place for her to stay. Rose felt accepted for the first time.

"Happy to be part of the team! I'll help in any way I can!" Rose reached out for a hand shake, not expecting the person to pull back with a flinch.

That illusion of acceptance shattered.

"Oh, sorry, I'm just not used to having a humanoid around that isn't trying to murder all of us, haha!" Rose blinked at that back handed comment. She gave an empty laugh, denying how much it bothered her. Maybe they really weren't used to having her around. Maybe...

Rose moved her hand back towards her chest near her beating heart. She wasn't like those other humanoids. She had a heart. Maybe they didn't know that..

"Heh... yeah. Understandable."

-------------

One of the nights there, Rose heard a noise outside of her room. She listened intently, counting the shuffling feet, but found out there were too many to distinguish. They tried to be quiet but had no experience stealth. She waited until it was quiet again before getting up and checking.

She peaked out and looked one way than the other. The corridors were empty, but she heard hushed voices nearby.

She carefully made her way towards the sound, leaning heavily against the wall to stay out of view and to keep the creaking of the floor at a minimum.

She saw them. Most of the Rebellion's Leaders gathered in the meeting room around a table. it was almost two o'clock in the morning. What could they be up to?

"We need it in our side! It can be useful to us maybe even give us an advantage against The Dark Ruler!"

"Can we trust it? I mean, it is a Humanoid, those things can be unpredictable..."

"I agree it's very risky even accepting it into our hideout. What if it's just a spy?"

"Commander, I have kids, I can't have that thing loose and freely walking around. What if it tries to kill us? How can we defend ourselves then?"

After hearing that, Rose wished she had stayed in bed. Maybe then it would hurt less if she was ignorant of it.

Akumu's degrading comments rang in her head to taunt her.

/"You're a monster to them, they shower you with empty praise because they fear your wrath."/

Rose slides down the wall, gripping her hair until her knuckles turn white.

//"Do you honestly believe an assassin can hold sentimental bonds."//

--------------------

After hearing that, she tried her best to redeem herself to them, but she was an outcast no matter how much she tried to help. No matter how hard she hurt herself, protecting them, fighting for them, bleeding for them. They only saw her as the Overlords' pet assassin and nothing more.

Always thinking she's up to something. Always looking over her shoulder, keeping her in place. Always wondering when she'll kill them all. How was this any different?

Rose had returned, admitting what she heard and how they had treated her. It was humiliating to admit defeat to the one person she hated the most, but this was her home, wasn't it?

Akumu was very pleased to have her return home. He voiced how he knew she would return, how she couldn't stay away from her purpose and destiny. He had patted her hair back trying to be comforting, but it just made her stomach twist. Rose wasn't stupid. She would be punished for her insubordination and disloyalty. This right here was an act. Gentleness wasn't something Akumu was known for.

That's when two Orcs entered Akumu's office, dressed unnaturally professional, and stood at least seven to eight feet tall. Rose was suddenly shoved back onto them, losing her footing and smacking her back against their abdomen with the force. They gripped her arms in a bruising grip and lifted her with ease, causing her feet to tangle. Rose let them, feeling hurt, humiliated, defeated.

"I don't want to see that thing until its loyalty and obedience are restored." Akumu demanded, waving them away all gentleness and empty praises gone. He didn't even look at her once since she returned.

Rose inwardly winced, unable to hide the pain that statement caused. She was only treated as an object when she messed up, and this was one of those times.

The Orcs dragged her off to the same place they always took her, the laboratory, the doors closing shut behind them.

--------------

Miyuki stood in front of Akumu's desk as he finished a few more documents. Miyuki felt slightly awkward to not be acknowledged when she was the one called in.

"You summoned me, sir."

Akumu waved his hand in dismissal, not breaking his stride of reading and signing documents.

"Yes, yes. Your colleague has finished its reprogramming. Take it back to the dorms."

Miyuki made a face at that, confused about what he meant. "'Its reprogramming?'" She repeated.

Two scientists entered, causing Miyuki to turn her head and look.

They looked different than the others, must be because they are personally Akumu's hand picked. The lab coats they wore had different markings on them that weren't the company's trademark. They seemed highly intelligent but out of touch with their emotions, stone faced and neutral, but what Miyuki couldn't stop staring at was Rose as they pushed her inside the room in a wheelchair.

There's bandages around her head, and her neck, she wore a hospital gown that was way too small for her, showing a couple of bruises wherever the gown didn't cover. Rose kept muttering under her breath, unaware of where she was. Unaware of anything.

Miyuki looked away when she realized how lifeless Rose's eyes were. There was no spark in them, just dull emptiness.

--------------

Miyuki decided to take Rose back to her condo. Maybe it'll be easier to snap her out of it if Rose knew where she was. After Miyuki settled in and helped Rose get dressed for bed, she led her to the bedroom.

Miyuki pulled up the covers, making sure Rose was bundled up, and the pillows were okay. Rose let herself be moved about, no resistance in those limbs. Almost like a lifeless doll. It sickened her to see what Rose was reduced, too.

Miyuki still couldn't look Rose in the eye, afraid to see nothing there. The blue haired lycan sat down on the edge of the bed, head hanging low, forearms resting on her knees. There was a grimace decorating her features, as her clawed hands gripped the material of her pants, not caring if they tore.

The condo was dark and seemed way too large for just one person. The only light was from a lamp near the nightstand. There were muted sounds of the city below.

Miyuki wondered if Rose ever got lonely living in a place like this.

Rose hasn't stopped muttering since she was brought back. Miyuki couldn't make out the words, and she grew frustrated trying to find out what they were.

"What the hell did they do to you...?"

--------

It was another mission. It was going like it usually did. Disarm the guards, steal whatever object they are after, kill the target and leave.

They were heading out from the back doors towards their vehicle when a pedestrian was standing there at the wrong place at the wrong time.

They saw too much. They know to much.

It was as if time slowed down. Miyuki watches as Rose aimed her pistol at the pedestrian, point blank.

"Please don't kill me, I was only walking by! I didn't see anything! Please, I won't tell anyone, I swear, please -"

"Reever, maybe we should -" Miyuki started.

Bang!

Miyuki winced from the act itself. This wasn't the usual since Rose had more mercy than that. She stood over the body, a sadden look on her face.

"Usually you'd bargain with bystanders..."

Rose didn't bother to stay there any longer than is necessary, her expression unreadable, at least to Miyuki.

"My purpose is to exterminate anyone that can jeopardize Kurokami's plans for the Empire."

Rose pushed past the lycan, heading towards their vehicle.

"Bargaining would be a waste of time."

Miyuki watched her leave, a concered look gracing her features.

------------

Rose sat stiffly on one of the charging ports, wires sticking out of her arms and her chest. There would be an occasional light running down the markings on her face as she charges.

Miyuki glanced over from the other side of the cafeteria for the third time.

"Okay, whats bothering you? You haven't went two seconds without looking at her.."

Spades leaned forward on his elbow, a frown stretching his lips as he sipped his can of soda.

Miyuki sighed, focusing on her food that went cold a while ago. She picks at the meat her appetite gone, replaced with worry.

" ... She's been different since she came back.." She clenched her fist, the fork in her hand bending from the pressure.

"It's never been this bad, Spades."

Spades looked at Rose, her expression was emotionless. Nothing recognizable was there. No spark of life. It was unnerving.

He leaned closer to Miyuki, hand cupped the side of his mouth. He wanted to keep it as private as possible. After all, they were around an area with other assassins that would do anything to sabotage their team in any way.

"You haven't exactly told me what they did to her..."

Miyuki stared up at him. An unreadable expression on her face.

------------

"If there's any hostages we need to evacuate them immediately -"

Bang! Bang! Bang!

"What the hell was that, Reever?"

"No more hostages, we can now retrieve the cargo with no added complications."

Miyuki and Spades stare at each other. Miyuki was concerned, but Spades was pissed off from that cold act. He didn't sign up to kill innocent people.

"What the hell, Reever! They were innocent and didn't deserve to die!" Spades shoves her.

"Wait, guys, please stop!" Miyuki tried to say, but they ignored her.

Rose retaliated by shoving Spades back.

"They made things complicated. Or maybe you forgot who you're working for?" Rose glared, voice leveled, cold.

"Common, we can work this out! Please!" Miyuki tried again, but Spades shoved her out of the way so he could get in Rose's face.

"Fuck you! I don't work for Akumu, I only take the gig for money. His idealogy, his fucken rules, he can kiss my ass with those." Spades snarled, spitting at Rose's boot.

Rose stared at the spit at the tip of her boot. A strange ringing overcame her thoughts, and before she knew it, her markings started to glow. She has raised her fist in the air, ready to strike, and felt her knuckles collide against something solid. There was blood, there was a feeling of bones breaking beneath her fist, and then two bodies hitting the ground.

Silence before Rose's mind caught up to her. She punched Miyuki when the lycan had tried to stop them from fighting. She knew she broke a few bones. She felt them give so easily.

The force had hurled Miyuki back onto Spades, who had stood behind her at the time, causing them both to be thrown back with the momentum. They had landed in a pile of tangled limbs, one wheezing the other groaning.

Rose knew immediately from that sound that it was Miyuki's ribs that she had broken.

Her heart raced with shock. The ringing was back, blocking every single self-loathing, guilt ridden thought.

She glared at them when they started to sit up. Spades had to help Miyuki. Her uneven breathing sounded painful and pitiful.

What hurt the most was the look of utter betrayal. That's what this was, isn't it? She hurt her family for the Empire. She betrayed them. She felt the shift. The way her heart started to harden.

"If either of you get in my way again, I won't hesitate to kill you." Those words left her mouth before she could process them fully.

No! She cares! She didn't want to hurt them! She never wanted to hurt them! She's so sorry! But no matter how much she tried, her body moved on its own.

Rose left Spades and Miyuki to deal with the aftermath.

----------

"Sinclaire, what the fuck is going on with you?"

Rose keeps walking, not breaking stride as Tara follows close behind. Tara's glare was as sharp as her daggers.

"That shit you pulled last mission, almost getting Sheika killed!"

"And now this cold-hearted shit towards your own teammates! How can anyone be such a complete asshole?"

"Goddammit, Sinclaire, are you listening!" Tara reaches out to stop Rose. Tara's hand got close enough to curve around Rose's shoulder before she was shoved against the wall.

Rose pressed her forearm against Tara's neck, almost cutting off her oxygen.

Her eyes were closed with a grimace. Tara had never seen that expression before. It left a strange feeling in her stomach she couldn't describe.

"... Are you okay?" Tara managed to say.

"My purpose is too.... my purpose is too...."

Rose pushed away and held her head in her hands that ringing returning again.

"Aggggh! Stay the hell away from me!"

Rose takes off running, leaving Tara to try and piece together what had transpired between them.

But all Tara can do is watch her go with uncertainty.

"What the hell..?"

‐--------------

"Come on, baby!"

Rose ignored the drunk citizen tailing behind her and continued her walk. They obviously haven't noticed the blood on her clothes. She didn't blame them it was quite late, and the streetlights didn't do justice on lighting up the area. She was returning from one of her assassinations. Her ears were ringing, and her adrenaline was still coursing through her.

She just happened to pass a bar with drunken patrons everywhere and, unfortunately, had one get attached to her. Rose turned into an alleyway, knowing the drunk would follow behind. They always do.

Tonight felt different.

"You've never met someone like me! Common I can give you a good time, sweetheart."

Rose decides they are far enough away from the crowd and, without warning, swings her arm and punches them.

And punches them.

And punches them until the synthetic skin on her knuckles started to peel and bleed.

Until there wasn't a face left to recognize besides mush and broken bone.

Until she had nothing left to destroy. To kill and tear and break -

"Wow, that's a new time low, even for you."

Rose whips her head around and looks over her shoulder.

"So where they on your top list of priorities or?"

Morgan asked with her arms crossed. Rose wasn't sure how she was found, but it seemed like no matter where she went, Morgan always finds her. She always tracks her, down to the shittest of places.

Rose slowly stood up. Morgan watched her, hand resting over the handle of one of her pistols strapped to her belt.

Rose turned around. Morgan tried not to recoil from the image. Rose was covered in blood that must've splattered on her when she beat that drunk into a bloody mess. From her hair, down to her chest, and over her hands.

Morgan frowns, eyes narrowed.

"There's something different about you..."

"What besides being covered in blood?"

"Usually, your eyes shine, but right now, all i see is something.. dark. Sinister.."

"Maybe you're finally seeing the true me." Rose shrugged.

"That's a shit joke, Sinclaire. What hell is going on?"

Morgan leaned in a bit, concerned.

"Does this have anything to do with that bastard Akumu?"

Rose growls. Her ears started to ring again.

"Kurokami has done nothing but shown me great hospitality. Don't soil his name."

Morgan frowned in return.

"Kurokami? When have you ever used that term for Akumu.."

"I have things to do than waste my time here, unless you decide to become a thorn to the Empire, get out of my way."

Morgan slams her hand on the wall, blocking Rose from leaving.

"Nuh uh. You're going to tell me what the fuck is going on."

"If you don't get out of my way-"

"Yeah, yeah. You'll kill me. I've heard that so many times from you, but if you really meant it, you would've done it by now."

Rose glared.

Morgan looked at her with a challenge in her eyes.

Rose then stopped and sighed before smiling. "Have it your way, Jones."

With speed Morgan couldn't detect, Rose punched her in the gut. Air rushed out of the blond's lungs, her legs instantly buckling as she fell to her knees.

Morgan coughed and hacked, but Rose was long gone by the time she got her breathing under control.

Morgan stared at the mush that used to be a human being, scared for once of what Rose had done.

------------

Rose reached for the handle of the door, a bullet swished past her, knicking her cheek and penetrating the wall. Static buzzed in her head for a few seconds before connecting to whoever was broadcasting her way.

"That was a warning shot. Next one I won't miss."

"What do you want?"

"To talk."

Rose frowned.

"And if I refuse?"

"Like I said before I won't miss a second time."

Rose dusted off the dirt on her coat as she made her way towards the blue haired Lycan. The view was breathtaking from their height above none other than Kurokami's corporate building.

The city bustled with life, lights flashing almost as brightly as the stars overhead. Any other time, Rose would've enjoyed this peaceful moment, but after everything she's done to Miyuki and Spades. Things between them weren't in the best of terms.

"Sit."

Miyuki motioned to the spot beside her. Rose didn't budge from her spot, unsure of what exactly Miyuki wanted. It made her wary and paranoid.

Miyuki gave the redhead a hard look, eyes narrowing. "What's wrong? You break my ribs, and suddenly, YOU can't trust ME?"

Miyuki was definitely furious, and she had every right to be. Before Rose can spiral into her own self-deprecating thoughts, Miyuki was there. In front of her.

Miyuki's hands felt rough from constant use but warm, grounding. Intimate. Rose flinched away, trying her best to pretend she didn't see the hurt in Miyuki's eyes and took a few steps back, putting space between them.

"After everything we've been through, you're really going to treat me like a stranger?" Silence passed them, and when Miyuki realized Rose wasn't going to answer, she sighed, turning to look onto the busy streets below. The people chattering away, without a single care in the world.

"You can't keep running away from this."

"...Are you going to stop me?"

"If I try too, will you also put up a performance to show me you're this ruthless assassin like you did with Spades?" That struck a nerve. To anyone else, it may not look like it phased Rose, but Miyuki knew what to look for. What to press and prod at.

"Is there a point to this."

"Yes. Is his influence really that strong, or did you give up trying to fight him?"

"The Empire is everything. You should know that after what your family was bought into -" Rose's head snapped to the side. The blow happened so quickly that she didn't have time to react. Rose staggered back, wiping the blood flowing down her nose with the back of her sleeve.

"How fucken dare you! You very well knew that my family was forced into a contract because they were being slaughtered!" Miyuki, for the first time since she's met Rose, bared her fangs at her. Memories of armed forces overpowering her society of Lycans flashed through her mind. Innocents she couldnt save. She could still smell burnt fur meshed with flesh. And the screams of her own family will forever haunt her.

"If you truly believe in the Empire... if there's no way to get you back.. then the next time we meet.."

Miyuki's eyes glinted dangerously in the moon light. She barely contained the beast roaring inside.

"We will be enemies."

----------

It's been three months since Rose went AWOL. She didn't attend any debriefing, nor did she arrive when summoned. Her missions went uncompleted, and most of her tracking devices were removed and left behind, making it impossible to contact her or pinpoint her location.

She took an estimated three pairs of clothes and a few weapons, consisting of a military issued pocket knife, an M60 machine gun, and a Remington Model 700 bolt action rifle. Her house was otherwise untouched.

Miyuki turned in the report of her missing teammate. Her hands trembled. It was conflicting when Miyuki discovered the frame that held their squad picture was missing during her search. Can there still be a chance?

Or maybe she's just being wistful? There was more she found. However, she had her reasons for not wanting Akumu to know, and with a heavy sigh, she made her way back to Spades.

Ready to start their mission.

[pancakecoffee]

Ted was supposed to propose to Rebecca by spelling out “marry me?” on the pitch. It breaks my heart that we will never ever get this.

[iamthecomet]

Challenge!!! Evil this time. Special was Terzo's lover when he was alive. When Terzo died Special continued helping out the band. He can't help but see his old lover in the new innocent Cardinal and uses him to fill a void.

@plasma-ghoull and I both have written version of his exact same prompt just for funsies. Please go read theirs too <3 <3

He should feel guilty. He's aware of it. Knows that every late-night trip through the dark abbey halls is done for the wrong reasons. Terzo's ghost follows him every step of the way. Follows him everywhere. To morning and midnight masses. To dinner. To bed. It stands in the shadows and watches him. He will never be free from him. The only time he doesn't feel like he's being stalked by his past, by what he's lost, is when he's in Copia's room. He doesn't know why that is. That would involve taking hold of his grief and really looking at it. And he can't do that. Isn't even willing to try no matter how many times the other ghouls tell him to. Aether keeps trying to pull him aside and tell him that he just needs to talk to someone. Talking will help. The idea of talking about it makes Special feel like he's turning himself inside out. So, instead, he pads down the hallways in the middle of the night and slips into Copia's room. The cardinal is almost always awake. He's high-strung, panicked. He doesn't look like he's had a good night's sleep in his life. But when Special's done with him they both sleep. So, he feels like maybe he's doing the cardinal a favor. They're each getting something out of it. Special is cramming the cardinal into the Terzo-shaped hole in his heart, and Copia finally gets some rest. It's fine. Good. Mutually beneficial. So what if sometimes when Copia is on his knees in front of him, Special almost forgets he isn't Terzo. It doesn't matter. If he closes his eyes and just listens to the sounds Copia makes, it's almost like Terzo has come back to him. It isn't always that easy. Copia doesn't feel like Terzo. His body is different. More pudge around his hips, his belly, his thighs. He smells different too. But under the uniqueness of scent, all Humans smell like Humans. He clings to that. Latches on to whatever he can. It isn't enough, not really. Copia isn't Terzo. Terzo exuded confidence. He told Special what he wanted, told him where to go. How to move. He was sure, always, even in situations where he shouldn't have been. Copia is so much more pliant. Accepting. He acts like he doesn't know what he likes, tells Special to show him. Asks for pleasure in broad terms instead of specific instructions. Copia is unsure, shakey, reverent in a way that Terzo did not allow himself to be. So when Copia looks at him like he's the only star in the sky. Special balks, hard. It's like a slap to the face. They're laying side by side in Copia's bed. Special's heart still hammering. Copia looks over at him and heaves a dreamy sigh that makes every muscle in Special's body go taught.

Oh fuck. Copia reaches for him, he rests his hand against Special's damp neck, cups his jaw against the length of his forefinger, his chin nestled into the space between it and his thumb. Copia's hands are soft, delicate. Special is hit with a wave of nausea. His stomach rolling over itself when it all suddenly crashes into him. Copia is not Terzo. He's nothing like Terzo. He's innocent and breakable, and about to be ground to dust under the weight of what Special has done to him all these months. Because Copia is looking at him like he's about to confess something. And if Special doesn't get out right now he's going to puke all over Copia's expensive sheets.

He pushes away, more forcefully than he should, wrenching his head out of Copia's grasp and practically throwing himself off the bed. Stumbling as he catches himself. He grabs his clothes off the floor, he starts dressing like the room is on fire. Copia sits up, watching the ghoul fumble with his uniform pants. "What's going on, Caro?" "I have to go."

Copia tips his head. It's the middle of the night. Special never leaves. Special knows he doesn't have an explanation for what he's doing, he will fumble if Copia asks for an excuse.

But he doesn't, and maybe that's worse. "Oh," Copia's voice goes quiet. He drags his eyes away from Special as the ghoul finds his mask and fits it back over his face. Blocking them off from each other. "I see."

"It's fine. I just--I need--"

"Just go," Copia waves him off. "I know I'm not him. I was foolish to hope maybe I could be better." The words send a flash of agony through Special. It almost doubles him over. This realization. This sudden understanding that Copia knew, somehow, what all of this was really about. That he'd hoped that maybe Special would come around. That he could really make him forget Terzo, replace him in every way. Special finishes dressing in silence, avoiding Copia's gaze when it darts to him.

He walks toward the door, he waits for Copia to say something, anything. But when he looks back Copia is just looking at him, his face drawn, torn. He looks his age like this. Special spares him one last glance before he opens the door. He shouldn't say the words grating at his tongue, but he does anyway. He can't help it. "It's not your fault. No one will ever be better than him."

[asterin-kelles]

Writing James Potter: Creating the softest, fluffiest universe for him to be surrounded by his friends and family and his biggest, most difficult decision is how could he decide on choosing to be with Remus or with Sirius and then going “¿Por qué no los dos?”

Writing Harry Potter: Crushing him into a universe with so much devastating angst that he turns into a diamond. Then, and only then, to reward him with the smallest modicum of comfort only to smack him with another brick wall of angst.

[joeytribbiani18]

I just posted another chapter of my angsty dps fanfiction (there are now 7 chapters posted, and overall 4 fanfics - 3 in progress), so feel free to read it and tell me what you think!

I warn you, it's sad and I loved every minute of writing it (even tho I was crying on the inside myself)

[futuristic-koala]

[cronchy-baguette]

I promise

[stayuntilthefoglifts]

I will remove anyone from my life to protect the peace that I've worked so hard for. Nobody took me out of the dark. I did it on my own.

Unknown

[aphel1on]

nothinggg better than torturing an emotionally repressed character until every single trauma they've ever refused to process starts spilling uncontrollably out of the cracks. like a matryoshka doll situation of repressed trauma and baby you better believe i'm going in there with a hammer

[greykolla-art]

My blog has become infested with angst goblins, and they must be fed with some hypothetical scenarios!🙏💚

[nburkhardt]

Love is…..

An angst feast 🥳

The idea of someone loving every bit of you is a dream, the feelings you get from someone’s smile aimed at you makes you fearless. Seeing their happiness, it can make your heart melt and you‘re happy just because they’re happy.

Love is something so powerful, so beautiful, so strong.

It’s something not to play with.

1984

“This is bullshit! You’re bullshit!” Nancy’s voice is slurred, she’s swaying slightly and her face is red. Eyes not focusing properly, drunk and angry.

Steve freezes, arm raised up to clean her shirt. “What?”

“Bullshit” Nancy repeats herself and sways again, dangerously close to falling. She’s not even looking at him now, just staring ahead with unfocused eyes and anger coming off her in waves.

He doesn’t know what to do, he’s frozen in his spot. The silence of the room with muffled music coming from the rest of the house is suddenly too quiet, he looks at her in disbelief. Unsure how to take this, hurt and confused. She mumbles about Barb, mumbles something with his name again and repeats bullshit over and over.

His original plan was gone, spilled out of a cup with juice and alcohol. Being a normal teenager isn’t a possibility now, his ears are buzzing and he feels numb. The words repeat in his head, it’s the only thing he can hear as he rushes out of the bathroom and then the house. It takes too long, too many people are around.

He needs out of this house, needs to be alone.

He doesn’t bother with his car, just walks home. The cold air hitting him, he uses that as an excuse to let the tears fall. It shouldn’t hurt, she was drunk and he did play a part in Barb’s death. He knows this, it keeps him up at night, it’s why his pool is drained and covered. Calling their love, his love bullshit? It hurts even though she was just drunk.

There’s a whisper in his ear, sounding too much like his mom: “drunk words are sober thoughts”

Getting to his empty house, doesn’t help his already overwhelmed head. He doesn’t bother with lights or kicking off his shoes, just go straight to his room and curls into a ball on his bed. Letting the breakdown he held back, work its way out. He’s finally alone, he can break. He falls asleep with tears falling, a heart breaking while curled in a ball.

Nancy thinks it nothing, that they’re okay.

He asks her to say “I love you” and she doesn’t, looks like she physically can’t say those words. And that’s it. No more relationship.

Maybe it wasn’t supposed to last, maybe they weren’t good together. Maybe if Barb hadn’t died or the upside down wasn’t around, they could’ve made it further.

All Steve knows is, he was in love with her. Maybe even still is in love with her. Love everything about her, from how smart she is down to her pretty blue eyes. He was ready to stop the world for her. Now he knows she didn’t feel the same, he wants to believe she did at one point. Just, not anymore.

The rest of his senior year is spent with his head down, alone and staying far away from Nancy Wheeler.

1986

Making it to nineteen years old is a miracle.

Spending his last few birthdays alone is embarrassing, but no one knows it and at this point he wants to keep it that way. It’s only been two years, but he’s realized how much it hurts to let people in only for them to break his heart.

Whether it be romantic or platonic love.

After the Russian drugs and actual torture together, he and Robin are closer than ever. Even if she didn’t mean to, she solidified his opinion on himself and relationships. That they aren’t for him. The people he’s fallen for just keep breaking his heart and his heart has so much love to give.

Maybe too much love.

He spends the first two months of the new year having quick fun dates to get laid and that’s it. Even with his heart screaming at him to find someone to love, he can’t bring himself to let anyone in.

He’s not completely happy, but he’s okay. At least, that’s what he’s telling himself.

March rolls around, the start of the month is easy. No upside down surprises and only the kids asking for rides a few times. Then spring break rolls around suddenly things aren’t okay anymore.

One second he’s watching the news about a murder then the next time he blinks, he’s being pinned to the wall of a boat house. He’ll be honest, the whole trip to the upside down he blacked out. Defeating Vecna and making it back top side is too blurry, happened too fast.

Everyone is alive, they all made it out.

He doesn’t know how but they are and he’s so goddamn thankful for it. Didn’t want to lose anyone else, even Eddie Munson who he didn’t even care about not even a full week ago.

But he has a bleeding heart, a need to love more and having one more friend is fair game. Even if that friend only tolerates him and probably doesn’t consider him a friend and that’s okay, he knows the rules now.

He can put his everything into friendships and doesn’t expect the same in return. He’s not greedy, he’ll take what he can get.

Apparently his heart on the other hand, doesn’t know the rules. Because four months later, it hits him.

It’s like a punch to the gut, the realization. One second it wasn’t there and the next he’s frozen with his heart beating out of his chest. He can’t breathe, his mind racing with all the thoughts of this realization.

It races as he tries to think, how did he miss this? How did he not know? How did he fall in love again? He wasn’t trying to, he was fine.

Things were fine.

His friendship with Eddie Munson was enough. He was happy with the hang outs, trading joints, eating pizza and poking fun at the kids. He knows on his part that they’re friends, knows that he’s not even in Eddie’s close circle of friends.

They’re just trauma-bonded friends.

It wasn’t never said out loud, but it was there. He knows that.

Yet.

Yet, here he is. Sitting on the floor of Eddie’s room, swapping stories and enjoying a few joints together. Listening to Eddie laugh about something Jeff did during their last band practice, and it’s then. That’s it.

The sound of Eddie’s happiness.

That’s the realization and he can’t breathe.

“Man, I’m telling you that guy is amazing” Eddie huffs another laugh, a smile spreading on his face then a shake of his head, “if he was single, I’d so grabbed him up. He’d be everything”

Steve’s ears are burning, his heart is breaking and he only just realized his own feelings and they’re already breaking.

Swallowing down the heartbreak, he huffs out a laugh and goes, “yeah? Jeff- uh, Jeff’s the one for you?”

“Well yeah, he’s been my best friend forever! He’s hot, smart and likes metal? The whole package that one” Eddie’s smiling and looking up at his ceiling, “He was the first person I told that i like men, then it was this giant crying feast. It was so nice to finally have a person, someone who understood me, ya know?”

It’s slow but he nods, his heart beating out of his chest, something in the back of his head is screaming at him to leave. “Yeah- yeah, that’s amazing!”

It sounds fake to his own ears, but it seems Eddie’s just high enough to not notice a difference. It’s quiet now, the only sounds coming from outside.

Eddie’s smiling and smoking his joint, content and happy.

Forcing a smile, he continues sitting in the silence with his heart breaking and his brain screaming at him to run away, get far enough away to lock the his heart away.

To break down in peace, alone.

Eventually the high really hits and he falls asleep to the sound of Eddie humming and laughing, it’s lovely, it’s his favorite sound. It’s heartbreaking, it’s the worst thing to fall asleep to.

It brings dreams of hope. Of Eddie smiling at him, saying he loves him and he wakes up after a dream of Eddie throwing his arms around him and going in for a kiss.

He’s panicking and he’s tearing up. Looking at Eddie, sound asleep on his bed, he forces himself to swallow back a sob before walking out to finally have that breakdown.

Before he can even make it out of the trailer, he freezes as he’s met with Eddie’s Uncle Wayne sitting at the little table nursing a cup of coffee. “Mornin’, leaving this early?”

Clearing his throat, he nods, “yeah, I- uh, gotta get Robin later and she’ll um,” he shakes his head and moves closer and closer to the door, “I’ll see you around”

It’s a lie, he can’t bring himself to come around here anytime soon. This is too much all of a sudden, he’s quick or at least he thought he was quick at wiping his eyes.

Wayne is up and next to him between blinks, his lips in a frown, “Boy, what’s the tears for?”

“It’s nothing, Mr. Munson” he lies, opening the door, “I really need to leave now”

His hand is on the doorknob, Wayne is still staring at him with a confused expression. It’s quiet, it’s late and he needs to leave but he’s frozen in place. It takes him minutes to finally turn the knob before walking out and to his car. With Wayne’s eyes following him.

Once he’s at home, alone in an empty house.

He breaks and cries.

Love is heartbreaking.

———

Oh hi. I broke my own heart and I never actually used the prompt that inspired this whole thing. But I couldn’t figure out how to turn it around 🫠

So that means, a second part with a happy ending will happen 🥳 but for now you get tears, sorry about that.

Permanent tag list: (sorry everyone 🫣) @spectrum-spectre @itsfreakingbats @mysticcrownshipper @artiststarme @harvesteee @thereindeerlady @justforthedead89 @ronniescontinuum @freyaforestafay @littlewildflowerkitten @sierra-violet @estrellami-1 @gregre369 @zerokrox-blog

[candaru]

no no. you don't get it. the reason I injure my blorbos until they can't walk is because that's the only way they'll ever let someone else carry them. the reason I curse them to be sick and feverish is so that they'll finally open up about their emotions while delirious. the reason I force them to overexert themselves to the point of exhaustion is so that when they pass out they can finally rest.

I'm doing this for their own good.

[chappellrroan]

which ao3 tag are you?

[filmythingss]

"you cant heal if you pretend you're not hurt"

-filmythings

[2danesand1cat]

Bruce Wayne calling any of his children sweetheart.

Especially if they are hurt or crying or otherwise distraught.

That’s it. That’s the post.