#humorous gym quote

[print-on-demand-paradise]

Get a Laugh with Our New Fitness Design from TheUnseenCollection on Teepublic

Hey fitness enthusiasts and workout warriors! We’re thrilled to introduce a brand-new design from TheUnseenCollection that combines humor, creativity, and fitness all in one.

Introducing: "ABS-olutely No Idea" Fitness Quote Design

If you've ever felt a little lost at the gym, this design is for you! Our "ABS-olutely No Idea" design features a bold, playful font with the text "I have ABS-olutely no idea what I'm doing." The clever twist? The "A" and "B" in "ABS" are replaced by a dumbbell and a barbell with weights, respectively. The word "ideA" is underlined by a set of dumbbells, while "doing" is accompanied by a pair of weightlifting gloves. This vibrant and eye-catching design is packed with fitness and bodybuilding elements like muscle fibers, barbells, and dumbbells.

Why You'll Love This Design:

Humorous and Relatable: Perfect for anyone who’s ever felt out of their depth at the gym.

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High-Quality Vector Art: Ensures crisp, clean lines and vibrant colors that stand out.

Explore More at TheUnseenCollection:

At TheUnseenCollection, we specialize in unique and diverse designs across various niches. From fitness and workout humor to pop culture parodies and inspirational quotes, there's something for everyone.

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Motivational Gym Quotes: Keep you inspired during your workouts.

Funny Workout Tees: Add some humor to your gym routine.

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[raetreaderarts]

The second I saw this tweet this popped into my head

[asenfar]

I Workout In Morning Funny Gym Exercise Fitness Women Men I work out in the morning before my brain figures out what i’m doing funny gym Exercise Fitness Women Men t-shirt and top tanks 

[edithvainauthor]

This is the poem for my new book! There's a secret meaning to it. Can you figure it out?

[bunnyathy]

my favorite and funny silly headcannons (not rlly) and ooc ideas about the batfamily:

Damian Wayne:

- has a dedicated social media accounts for his pets. he gets income and sponsorship from luxury pet brands all the time because of it. he doesn’t really care about the money he’s just happy his pets get to have free stuff that give them a better and spoiled life.

- bro’s a gen alpha he’s probably a brainrot humor kind of kid but he hides it well but it comes out at random times

- he’s a dedicated hater, he loved kendrick lamar’s drake diss songs

- his personal/ official Damian Wayne tiktok account is literally just a hate page for his brothers (but in an endearing way he still loves them)

- prefers watching reels over tiktok bcs of the funny comments and the unhinged reels that come out there

- Damian Wayne is a weeb… he was absolutely there during the Anime tiktok lockdown era (if he was even born yet idk) so he knows all the cringe weeb shit.. he quotes it at random times….

- Damian was strictly shoujo mangas and anime but Jon showed him My Hero Academia and he LOVED it. he respects Koda and likes his quirk. MHA was one of the only mangas he read that’s not shoujo lol. (lets ignore the part where there was official damian wayne art where there was a chainsaw man manga with him (i dislike csm))

- he probably did one of those kpop pc decora things out of a printed picture of his fave anime character cough bakugo and tamaki suoh cough (he got influenced by flatline nika)

- he most likely listens to Twice bcs Flatline suggested it to him (this is not bcs I am a once (yes it is))

Batfam:

- to be able to keep up with Brucie Wayne’s diva it boy appearance he occasionally does those derma clinic facials and time to time he invites his kids. Stephanie absolutely is always with him, Cass as well but she’s only there because Steph seems to love it so she’ll always do what Steph loves. It came to a point where Tim Drake, Damian Wayne, Dick Grayson, Duke Thomas started to become pretty boys (Jason is not there he could not stand Brucie persona)

- there has been rumors of Brucie Wayne having a bbl and to prove them all wrong Brucie posted a gym workout where his focus was his ass. lets just say BRUCIE JUICY ASS?? on twitter was trending and the kids HATED it. maybe haha certain heroes liked it a little more than others lmfao

- Damian got hyperfixated on into the spiderverse and across the spiderverse he forced his whole family to rewatch it with him

- Jason got asked to come over to the manor by one of the siblings and took a sneaky pic of his whole body just to put it in one of those “dance if you love your family” ai dancing thing on tiktok. he never came back to the manor….

- Tim and Damian have this online feud in tiktok where they comment unhinge and insulting comments to their public official account each other but ofc its filtered so it can cross the tos. Damian once commented “I hope to see you hanging in the streets” and almost got banned from tiktok

- whenever any of the fam asks something from Cass that she doesn’t wanna do she goes “sorry I’m mute” (she takes advantage of her not so disability) Stephanie taught her that she said it would be funny. it works sometimes bcs the other was probably too tired to notice or just goes along bcs they think Cass learning gen Z humor is funny.

aight ive ran out of ideas they were just mostly damian and batfam AHAHAHAH

[twistedwonderlandshenanigans]

School-side Staycation - Staff Shenanigans

@ashipiko has a super fun 1k follower event going on that reminded me of a conversation I had with a friend a While ago!! I decided to turn it into a drabble, so I hope you guys enjoy some NRC Staff Shenanigans!! (Including my staff/greenhouse caretaker oc, Aspen Zoi - I apologize in advance for the stim word "like" OTL if you don't check out his profile, just know he speaks like your stereotypical surfer/hippie/stoner)

Also apologies OTL I have to write on my phone due to Technical Difficulties, RIP my formatting. Um just as a heads up, there is some food talk in regards to calories and dieting. It's not talked about a lot, but it is in there.

Also also this is my first time writing all the staff together so I hope it's at least entertaining!

---------------------------

"Turkey burgers, really Divus, I'd have thought better of you." Mozus scoffed lightheartedly over the younger man's shoulder, watching the black latex clad hands work in a mix of shredded vegetables into the meat.

Crewel raised a questioning brow to his senior, using his shoulder to push away hair from his face for the upteenth time that day. Even with his dark shades on, both the unamusement and the spark of competitiveness was felt to be fanned.

"Well, Mozus, if you cared to ever look past those dusty old history books of yours and indulge in the dietary world, you would know that ground turkey-"

"Sucks. It sucks." Vargas interrupted, shaking his head in disappointment. He was wearing near neon orange shorts and a white tank top, though clearly splattered with some stains from his preparation, shades sat nicely atop his lofty locks. His food was currently concealed in the two heaping platters he had under aluminum foil as he set them down on the table next to the barbeque. "It's got less protein, less iron, less zinc, and more sodium than ground beef. It has a little more 'healthy' fat," the air quotes were heavily emphasized by the gym teacher, "but for Sevens sake Divus, it's supposed to be a vacation sort of thing. Let the kids loose for a little while."

An audible "hmph" left the alchemy professor, moreso at Trein's smug grin than Ashton as he refocused on his work. His UV protectant, black, long sleeve shirt was rolled up to his elbows, a simple red short sleeve button up layered on top. "Not everyone can afford to give up their calorie intake over a vacation."

"Then you may as well have just made black bean patties and volunteered yourself to make the vegan option."

Trein sighed and shook his head at Ashton's apparent naivety as he opened his grill, throwing a few patties on. Perhaps his air of superiority would have been less humorous if not for the cargo shorts, white shirt, the blue, green, pink and yellow tropical overshirt, the matching, tropical bucket hat, and the apron that read "Grillmaster", but Trein continued anyways.

"He's using the leftovers of his dogs food that he thawed and forgot to use."

An awkward silence filled the air between the three of them, save for the soft sizzling of Treins burgers and the distant sounds of their beloved students having fun. Ashton spoke up in near disbelief.

"....Divus is that-"

The older of the two suppressed a scowl, trying to play it off best he could as he waved off his former underclassmans concern.

"Ground turkey is ground turkey, how I was going to use it is irrelevant! Really now Mozus was that necessary?!"

Vargas exchanged glances with Trein, before grinning a little more, willing to 'poke the bear'.

"I know you call them your pups but..."

Crewel felt his eye twitch slightly. Not much got to him, but the implication that 1. His dogs weren't incredibly dear to him, and 2. That his students weren't held to the same regard as his dogs in terms of how he cared for them, was not something he felt he could articulate well enough to get it through Ashton's thick, thick skull.

" It's still perfectly fine food, it's ought to be better than whatever Dire has!"

In an attempt to get the attention off of him for once, Crewel directed his, and his colleagues attention to the approaching headmage, ignoring the soft snickers behind him from Ashton for the sake of his sanity.

The headmage wore a huge grin under the stupid mask of his, dressed in his normal vacation attire. His arms were outstretched, as if anyone there would hug him as a greeting - none of them would, but especially not now that one was grilling, the other had his hands plunged into raw meat, and the third...well Vargas wasn't doing anything that would impede him from doing so, but he pretended to look busy as he fidgeted with the aluminum foil from one of his platters, careful to not lift it up.

Trein glanced at the headmage as he joined them under the white tents, his clawed gloves drawing most of his attention as Dire lowered his arms to his sides.

"Dire. What are you bringing to cook?"

The headmage looked at him blankly before smiling, chuckling a little awkwardly as he took his hat off and held it to his chest. As if he didn't already look pathetic, now he looked like he was going to apologize, and the staff in front of him already looked unamused.

"Ehe, well you see, I was generous enough to allow our students host this event-"

Knowing glances were exchanged between the three as Crowley continued.

"So neeever did I ever think my kindness would be taken advantage of like so! After all the budgeting and set up and organizing and ordering and nights laying awake and wondering how to make today the best success it could be, I didn't think I would be expected to cook too!"

The masked man rested the back of his hand against his head dramatically, trying and failing to gain the sympathy of the staff who all very well knew he had signed off on the event, and being a part of the catering. Hell, he had admitted it himself- he hadn't done any of that. That was all part of hosting, something that had very much not been on his shoulders, like many other responsibilities this year.

Vargas moved to the table across from Crewel, starting to make a protein-packed sauce to go with his still-mystery food, shooting Crowley a bit of a shit-eating grin.

"Well I guess you better go buy hotdogs or something from Sam's and be prepared to lose."

An indignant squawk left Dire, his dramatic display clearly not working in his favour, and he couldn't fathom why.

"Lose??"

"Hot stuff comin' through! And it ain't just me-"

Sam wheeled a tri-level service cart over the grass with ease, thanks to magic, each level with absolutely delicious smelling, but hidden food. Aspen followed close behind, Willow, his Pekin duck toddling after him.

Dire moved out of the way so as to let the trio through, Sam moving next to Vargas and starting to load tray after tray onto the serving table, a determined and slightly crazed expression on his face.

"Ain't nobody beatin' Mama's mac'n cheese recipe. Not even your fancy ass brisket Ashton, don't pretend like that ain't whatchyer tryna hide under there, I know you too damn well fo' you to try an' hide it."

Vargas and Same broke into easy conversation as Aspen hung back with Crowley, who was still visibly confused. He looked down at his hands, as if they held the answer to his questions.

"Lose?? Beating his mother's recipe??? What have I missed????"

Aspen's single, amused "haaah" was rather annoying to the headmage. Despite the sharp turn of his head and the glare he directed at Aspen, he just gave him his same old dopey grin.

"Aww man, you really didn't, like, read anything you signed, did ya? The teacher who like... looses the cook off gets pelted with water balloons by like...the whooole student body. It would really suck if one of us forgot to bring something. It'd be like...immediate disqualification or whatever."

The blond tilted his head a bit and giggled as he watched a few of the students play volleyball not far from them, oblivious to the rising panic on the headmage's face.

"But you haven't brought anything?! So what if two faculty members didn't bring anything?! The penalty is halved, right?!"

Aspen let out a small laugh.

"Hah. As if. Babygirl and I made seven layer salad, which is like, on Sam's cart, and a buncha desserts last night, isn't that right?" He bent down to pick up Willow, kissing her head as he cradled her. "I mean sure, baking isn't, like, COOKING but I don't think anybody is gonna complain about brownies 'nd, like, homemade ice cream, y'know? I just gotta wait to bring it out cuz..like....the ice cream...duh."

He waited a beat, the rising panic from the man beside him finally catching on. He was about to ask, but Crowley was on his knees next to Sam in a split second, holding his hand and groveling.

"PLEASE- no, actually, as your boss, I DEMAND you open your shop and sell me the best cuts of meat- no, actually, I want as many tube's of ground beef, ah, no, Trein is already- ground PORK-"

Sam shook his hand away from Crowley in mild disgust.

"Oh hell no, might I remind ya, I'm on vacation, as are the rest of us and the little imps. If you want to serve hot dogs, you'll have to go into town and move fast. Otherwise you're gonna have to embrace your fate of death by a thousand waterballoons." Sam swapped the position of one of his trays with Vargas' platter, so as to get his jerk chicken onto the grill after changing his glove out for an untouched one.

"With all due respect, your poor plannin' does NOT constitute an emergency on my part, Mr. Crowley, Sir."

Dire let out an undignified noise at Sam's facetiousness and lack of cooperation.

Trein looked down at the rather defeated looking headmage and sighed at the mess of a man, shaking his head again in disappointment.

"For Sevens sake, pull yourself together Dire. You could go ask the ghosts in the Cafeteria if they've got anything they'll lend you to cook."

Crowley looked like a kicked puppy at Trein for a moment before standing back up, beaming and near launching himself at him for a hug, which Trein avoided as if this was something that happened often. Despite not getting what he wanted, Crowley clearly had new vigor.

"Ah! You're right. Of course, if the ghosts are there I could- hm! Nevermind, nevermind, yes thank you my dear friend, I knew you wouldn't let me suffer! Unlike SOME people." He shot a fake dirty look at the rest of his beloved faculty, only to be met with snickers and mildly amused expressions. Yes, even with all their jests and disagreements, these were the people he felt most comfortable around. His expression softened for a half second before he clapped twice and smiled widely again.

"I'll be back with something delicious! I swear to defeat you all!" His voice lilted playfully, before he disappeared in a puff of smoke.

A shared sigh came from Trein and Crewel, amusing their younger colleagues with the similarity.

Crewel wiped at his head with his shoulder again, grinning knowingly at Trein.

"Mozus."

"Divus." Trein kept his focus trained on his burgers, though his voice had an air of amusement to it, and it was clear the corner of his mouth was kicked up in a small smile.

"Were you really trying to be of assistance?"

Crewel finished rolling the last of his turkey blend into disks, turning his full attention to his conniving collegue.

Trein hummed a bit in response.

"Yes. Not to him, to us, but his absence makes it much easier to concentrate."

Crewel shed his latex gloves, put some hand sanitizer on and walked over to 'supervise' Trein's grill, before grabbing a patty that was cooked and looking over it in mild disgust.

"Concentrate on what, perfecting a burn on your patties, oh 'grillmaster'" he mocked, breaking a piece off and eating it, hardly hiding his distaste.

"Ah, I see, you're trying to make up for your lack of seasoning using charcoal, well old man I can guarantee the turkey burgers you were so quick to dismiss will certainly be better than that piece of semi-edible Sahara."

Trein sighed, annoyed, plucking the rest of the patty from Crewel's fingers and throwing it out.

"I always burn my first one. It guarantees I won't burn the rest of them. If you used those astute powers of observation you're so proud of, you'd have seen the rest of the burgers are cooked beautifully."

He lifted the foil just enough to show Crewel the admittedly, mouth-wateringly delicious looking patties underneath, though Divus refused to show any indication that he was impressed.

"They're still bland. The students don't have a grandpa stomach like you."

Trein rolled his eyes internally, huffing, but even Sam and Aspen snickered at the comment.

"It will be fine once I make my sauce to go with them. My daughters love my cooking, I'm sure our students will as well. You have your dogs as reference for your tastes. I would be more worried if I was in your shoes."

Crewel moved towards Sam, who made room for him, moving his chicken to the top rack so Divus could use the main part of the grill to start cooking.

"You say that as if I don't cook for myself either. Really Mozus, I'm hurt by how lowly you think of me. Besides, I understand cooking as not only an art, but from the very chemical bases of it. I have every confidence that if no one else, I will be getting votes from Pomefiorians."

Aspen snorted from behind him, waving his hand dismissively.

"Nahh, Poms are gonna go for Sam's mac or, like, his chicken. They're like, tired of eating that Vil guys super bland food. Ya might, like, get Vil himself? Maybe? But I feel like he's prolly just gonna beeline it to my salad cuz of that new green diet thing one a his freshies said he's on. I only know cuz like, they were getting veggies from the greenhouse. If anything, I think ya might pull a few votes from Savanaclaw, but like, to be honest, even as a vegetarian, Ashton's brisket looks really good and prolly will come in after Sam's food."

Crewel let out a soft sigh, but Vargas was beaming, as Sam and Aspen exchanged finger guns and a wink. Trein squinted slightly at his watch.

"Lunch is meant to be in about 45 minutes. Aspen, Vargas, seeing as the two of you have nothing better to do, I suggest you start cutting up veggies for the burgers and fruit for after. Just make sure to use some hand sanitizer first."

The two exchanged a glance, both mouthing a mocking, lighthearted 'yes dad' behind Trein's back, making Sam snicker a bit.

"Dontchya worry Mozus, they got it covered."

-----------------

And that's where my brain stopped RIP

In case you're wondering, Crowley showed up like 3 hours late and got ambushed. It's okay though his "food" would have put him in last place anyways.

I'm not used to typing things like this out on my phone, and I'm even less used to reading them so this is not proofread or betaread or like. I'm not. Rereading it so here's to hoping it flows okay and it's as engaging as I think it is lol.

ANYWAYS thank you for such a fun event Ashi!!

Taglist: (ask to be added)

@fluffle-writes @my-cursed-brain

[idabbleincrazy]

The Naked Truth (1/2)

Fandom: Smallville

Rating: E

Pairing: Clex

Word Count: 2527

Warnings: tentacles, alien biology, alien!Clark, Lex knows, s4 au, rift-what rift?, humor, masturbation

Summary: Clark is finally ready to share one last secret with Lex now that they're in a relationship.

prompted by Leata: "I didn't freak you out did I?" +   For a while now, Clark has been hiding something: When wet, they sprout tentacles. Yep. Tentacles. It's been exhausting worrying about people finding out, worrying about getting caught in the rain, worrying about what else their body might start to do. It's almost a relief when Lex finds out. Almost. Except there's something about the way Lex looks at Clark's tentacles. Like Lex... wants something…

A/N: So, all these years of writing fic, I've staidly avoided writing two things - a/b/o, and tentacle porn - but I was presented with a challenge I couldn't turn down. This will be a two-parter since it's taking a while for the porn part of the equation to come together (heh). Even though the bingo I had the quote prompt for is over, I figured I'd still give it a shot.

It's been four years since he'd found out about what he was. Three since he found out what happened to his birth home. It's only been two, however, since he found out that Kryptonians go through puberty in increments. Since he found out that sprouting hair in places where none had been, and having to wash his underwear before his mother saw them were the least of his problems.

Less than a year after gaining control over his hormonally triggered heat vision, a new, even more embarrassing development…arose. One that cold showers tended to cause rather than fix. A development that made showering after gym and football practice a very complicated ordeal, and put a moratorium on any further trips out to Crater Lake. 

He'd thought he had all his bases covered by now. He hadn't thought he'd have to worry about this, though. 

See, shortly after Clark had turned sixteen, well, he developed tentacles. Sorta. They weren't always there, though, and he had first discovered this new change to his physiology one summer morning when he was showering before breakfast. He had been in the middle of washing his hair, trying to block his mind of his increasingly sexual thoughts of not only Lana, but of Chloe…and Lex. He was failing in his endeavor, and that was when he felt it. This horrifying, amazing sensation, rippling through his cock. The shock of it nearly brought him to his knees. 

Rinsing the soap out of his eyes, Clark stared down in disbelief at the new appendages between his legs. The penis itself was still there, though it seemed longer, and slightly slimmer. More shocking still, were the eight thin, writhing tentacles that now surrounded it. 

Certain that he couldn't really be seeing what he thought he was seeing, Clark tentatively reached down and poked one long, wriggling protuberance. The tentacle immediately angled itself towards his finger, wrapping around the digit. He felt his stomach lurch as the little suckers stuck to his skin, the tentacle tightening its hold, trying to pull him closer. 

And, Christ, the sensations that ran through him as he let the tentacle reel him in, the tip of it stroking along his finger. Stronger, even, than the pulse of need that had made him look down in the first place. He'd never felt pleasure that intense in the two plus years since he had first started masturbating. His elongated cock filled quickly as he let the tentacles slither over his hand and rubbed his thumb along one of the slick protuberances. Apparently, the pleasure went both ways, his skin tingling where the tentacles slid over it, and his cock throbbing at each stroke of his fingers over the wriggling appendages.  

That first time, he had come before he even felt his usual warning signs. Less than a minute of exploration, and all eight tentacles had gone as stiff as his cock, and suddenly he really was on his knees this time, watching thick spurts of white fluid wash down the drain with the water. The tentacles then went limp, simply dangling there around his flaccid penis, so Clark forced himself to refocus on his shower, cleaning off the residual soap suds brusquely before turning off the tap. 

Once he had completely dried off, he felt his groin clench. Looking down, he watched in amazement as the eight tentacles all pulled themselves back inside himself, leaving just his cock, surrounded only by its usual thatch of curls, though still longer than it had been yesterday. 

It had taken the threat of a storm during his chores for Clark to finally shove aside his embarrassment long enough to tell his parents about the startling new development to his alien physiology.  And, as always, Martha and Jonathan took it in stride, helping him avoid public situations where he might end up wet whenever they could. 

For two years, he managed to keep this part of his secret from coming out to anyone, even Pete, but now…

Two weeks ago, he'd finally found himself ready to admit his growing feelings for Lex, and had told the older man everything. Well, almost everything. Even after Lex had shown no great horror at finding out that his best friend was an alien who had the hots for him, Clark hadn't been able to do more than hint at the difference between his body and that of a human. He just couldn’t bring himself to say it. It was one thing to know that the person you had been friends with for four years and were now starting a relationship with wasn’t human, it was another thing altogether to see the unequivocal proof of that knowledge right in front of you, dripping wet and wriggly. 

They had spent the past two weeks slowly taking their relationship to the next level. Lex had initiated their first kiss, about ten minutes after the words ‘I’m an alien’ had passed Clark’s lips. It had been better than Clark had ever imagined it would be, softer than he’d expected, but so much more intense than any kiss Lana, Chloe, Kyla, or Alicia had given him. Gentle as the kiss had been, Clark still felt the hunger, the yearning, behind it. The tentative slide of Lex’s tongue along his once he’d opened his mouth to deepen the kiss had sent a rush of awareness through his body, pulling a quiet moan from his throat. This was what had been missing between them all along, and ignoring the need they’d felt for each other had only led to the strained friendship they’d barely managed to maintain for the past year. This was what they were always meant to be to each other. 

Make-out sessions had morphed into groping, though always above the clothes, Clark still too worried that his tentacles might suddenly decide to make an appearance even without the presence of water. He’d never forget the rather befuddled expression on Lex’s face the first time he had made him come in his expensive wool slacks, nor the look of fascination and the love radiating from Lex’s eyes as his cock pulsed against Lex’s hand through the rough denim. That first orgasm brought on by Lex’s hand had been more explosive than any climax he’d achieved outside of the shower, and he had to fight not to grip Lex’s grinding hips too tightly as he rode out the pleasure shooting through him, eyes clamped shut against the stinging heat building up.

Now, though, they needed more. Lex had kept trying to get Clark to let him suck him off, promising him that there couldn’t possibly be anything so different about his body that would change how he felt about him, how much he wanted him. Clark wanted Lex naked, too, wanted to see and touch and taste, but had never pushed for it, thinking it unfair when he wasn’t willing to reciprocate just yet. And so, Clark had dug deep into his reserve of courage, and agreed to finally show him what he had so vaguely hinted at. 

So, now, here they were, in Lex’s poolhouse. The shower, even one as luxurious as those in Luthor Manor, seemed too constricted, and the lake at the back of the sprawling property was too exposed; Lex's staff knew not to intrude on the poolhouse unless summoned, which meant that they would have their privacy and Lex had plenty of space to run away screaming once the tentacles waved their hello. 

Clark pushed aside the queasy feeling in his stomach as he stood in front of Lex, terry-cloth robe covering his near-nakedness. Lex made to undo his own robe in a show of encouragement, but Clark stayed his hand. 

“Let me go first. You may want to make a quick escape after. Plus, if this goes how I figure it will, it would be easier for me not knowing what you look like naked.”

“Clark, I told you, there's nothing you could show me that would change how I feel about you.”

“Just…let me do it this way?”

“If you insist.”

Lex watched as Clark disrobed, curiosity and arousal warring within him as swathes of smooth, golden skin were revealed. He knew from a few past instances - Clark hanging from the scarecrow post in nothing but his boxers, passing him in the hallway in just a towel that week the Kent's had shared their home with him - that Clark was well muscled, but he had definitely filled out even more gloriously in the two years since his stay at the little yellow farmhouse. Lex felt his mouth dry out as his gaze swept over Clark's defined pecs and abs, and then begin to salivate at the sight of the thin trail of dark hair that led down below the edge of the royal blue swim trunks the younger man wore. The scientist in him, while simultaneously thrilled and terrified that Kryptonian biology apparently mimicked human biology to the utmost perfection on the surface level, grew confused as he took in what appeared to simply be the most beautiful human male body he'd ever seen. He was promised oddities. 

He thought for a moment that perhaps the claimed difference lay in their genitalia, even though everything had felt normal when he had brought Clark off by hand the few times they had let things go that far. That assumption was refuted when Clark, blushing like one of Martha's garden tomatoes, shyly skimmed out of his trunks, tossing the balled up fabric on top of the discarded robe, his hands hanging at his sides as he let Lex look him over. 

His own cock twitched painfully in his trunks as he took his fill of the sight now revealed to him. Even limp and nervous, Clark's cock was slightly longer than Lex had estimated, though maybe a hair less girthy than his own. And, definitely human looking, albeit more in comparison to those in pornographic professions than the general male population. Christ, his fingers itched to brush through the surrounding curls of dark hair, to cup the full balls hanging heavy and feel their heft in the palm of his hand. 

“Um, Clark”, Lex took a step closer to the brunette once he had shown no sign of offering up any further explanation, “while I admit that you definitely have a physique made for sculpture, I'm kinda failing to see exactly what about your appearance is making you so apprehensive.”

“I know I look normal now, but, well…”

Letting his sentence trail off, Clark turned away from Lex and dove into the water before he lost his resolve. Speeding through the water to the shallow end of the pool, he felt the clench and pull of his body as the tentacles made their appearance. Forcing himself to resurface, Clark stood, the water level barely lapping up to his hips. He kept his gaze on Lex as he felt the tentacles elongate and slither about in the water, two of them sliding up his body while the others reached outward, seeking out the presence that had their owner's attention so occupied. 

Lex shook off the momentary amazement of Clark’s speed as he traveled almost immediately from the deep end to the shallows, focusing his attention on the movement he saw beneath the water after Clark stood up. Poking out from the dark thatch of hair at Clark’s groin, were a multitude of light purple appendages, all centered around his cock and wriggling. Tentacles. Clark had tentacles. 

“I didn't freak you out, did I?” Clark's shaky voice cut through the haze of Lex's thoughts, bringing his gaze up to the younger man's face. “I-I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner, but I was afraid it would be too much. That…that you wouldn't want anything to do with me if you knew.”

Lex remained silent, looking back down to the water, where two of the slick protuberances had slid above the surface to skim up Clark's stomach. He was amazed to see that, even with Clark's anxiety, the brunettes' cock was definitively harder than it had been. His own was aching. Without a word, Lex swiftly disrobed and removed his own swimwear, diving into the water before Clark could take note of his obvious erection. 

Swimming across the pool and stopping just a couple inches beyond the reach of the tentacles, Lex stood across from Clark, not bothering to disguise the arousal he knew must be emanating from his expression. He couldn't even explain to himself why this discovery about Clark was turning him on so much. This kind of thing had never been a kink of his before. Maybe it was just that, this was Clark, at his barest, truest self. Revealed to him completely. The scientist side of him had gone silent, relegated to the back of his mind, as the animal part of his brain took the reins. 

He ached to touch. To feel the smooth, slick skin of those writhing tentacles beneath his fingertips. To see if his touch would bring Clark pleasure, same as it had with his cock. He wanted to feel them caressing his skin, sliding and curling around him. He wanted-

“Lex? Say something, please.” Lex wrenched his eyes away from the tentacles that were now straining closer towards him. Clark’s eyes were wide with fear even as his pupils had dilated with arousal. “Look, I understand if you can’t be with me after this, if you don’t want to be with me, sexually, now. But, please, Lex, tell me this doesn’t ruin everything.”

That worry, that fear, snapped him out of it. Lex closed the distance between them, holding back a groan as the searching tentacles slithered over his skin as he swam up to Clark. Standing up in the hip-high water, Lex reached a hand up to cup Clark’s face, his heart clenching at the way Clark’s features relaxed as he leaned into the touch. 

“Not want you? Clark, you could turn into a one-eyed, one-horned, giant Purple People Eater, and I would still want you. I want you, Clark, I love you, whatever that entails. There is nothing you could show me that would make me run for the hills screaming, nothing that would make me want to turn away from you.” Lex leaned in closer, pressing his cheek to Clark’s, whispering into his ear. “You may not be from this planet, Clark, but you have more humanity than anyone I’ve ever met.”

“You love me?”

Lex chuckled as Clark’s arms wound around him, pulling him flush against his solid, warm body. While his cock was still hard, his arousal muted, this moment of sweet affection more important than the lust that had fueled him moments ago.

“Did you even hear anything I said after that?”

“You love me, Lex, everything else is just icing.” Clark nuzzled into the side of Lex’s neck, and Lex felt the tentacles sliding around his waist and up his back. They seemed more playful and curious than sexually driven, and he wondered if they were tuned into Clark’s mood and reacted accordingly. “I love you, too, y’know?”

~~~~~

@leatafandom

[rulanarinrush]

drdt ch2 ep 13 spoilers, just some general thoughts

This was a really good episode I think, the logical train of thought in this episode compared to the last episode feels a bit more consistent. I don't mean the last episode was bad, just that David is just wowza^tm. Speaking of David, dang dude, do you want a cookie to go with that face you made? drdt really is starting to double as a comedy for me but only bc it appeals to my weird sense of humor now.

I'm now really suspicious of Ace and Hu, congrats those culprit believers. I didn't actually realize how similar the attempted murder was to this one, but I guess now that I know that the mechanism used was shockingly simple(I would not have expected the support beams to hold under that much force...) it does make sense in hindsight. I think there's some merit to the idea that Nico, whether intentionally or unintentionally, covered up for maybe Hu's potential murder attempt(the wire), and that Nico was actually trying to save Ace. But something that gets to me is when Hu would have found the time to grab the fish(assuming Eden is being honest about being with her from 7-10). I have a hard time believing that Nico would willingly give up the fish to be killed, or would cover for her alibi in the morning, or would simply just... let her get away with even their life(killer wins the trial and all). This may in fact be where both of their secret quotes comes into play, if Hu really did attempt that, Veronika is the only one I see as willing to give Hu the fish, and I can't remember how long she and Teruko were together, so maybe it's possible. But if we're going off the assumption that the note is real, that still does not negate the fact that Hu was with Nico that time in the morning. I'm also really curious how Nico would have agreed to steal the turpentine for this purpose if they didn't try to kill Ace on their own. What, did Hu say she needed the turpentine to drink it or something?

At first I just assumed that since Nico is apparently a thief(/lh) they just stole the wire from Hu, but perhaps not. Perhaps they agreed to this and the condition that Hu would immediately confess if she killed Ace? But since that didn't happen, Nico is holding up their end of the bargain.

The main problem I see with Hu being the killer besides the fish is just that I cannot believe Nico would willingly cover for Hu with their life on the line. She'd probably know a lot about hangings and all, but when would she have found the time to commit murder? If it occurred between 7:30 and 8:00, that is a very tight timespan. I guess she also knows about the clothes too, but it's still one of those pieces of evidence that's like, I think anyone who went in the dressing room could have found it.

I do think that anyone could have gotten the tape(as Ace could have simply kicked it away while standing up) but ppl r right that it's a suspicious detail to just disappear. Levi is still a little suspicious to me(im sorry) because his whole secret did not, frankly, contribute that much to the murder besides getting the other motives out, and he could have investigated the gym after the murder attempt, but there's still no smoking gun yet, so I won't jump him.

Ace is clearly suspicious bc he could have followed Arei after her and David's convo, as well as his missing alibi, the fact that he def. has motivation to kill, and that he could have been eavesdropping on their convo specifically to find a moment to get the fish. He would also probably know best about the murder attempt besides, again, Nico and Hu. He also would probably know where the turpentine is later too.

Also dang, was Eden the one that stabbed Xander? Part of me feels very suspicious because this revelation feels far too early in the story, but of course, that doesn't necessarily mean that she's the mastermind or traitor. The figure in the prologue says they were wrong to trust them(i think...) so unless they're talking about nico it refers to multiple people. Also, the figure isn't wearing gloves in the prologue? though that can easily be explained through the bleeding, you wouldn't want to touch an open wound with dirty gloves. But anyway, due to their height difference, I'm guessing Eden somehow got Xander down on the floor based on the angle of the shot. What, did she tackle him or something? Guess she coulda gone pro if she hadn't joined hope's peak.(bad reference). She looks upset in the shot... that's all I can say about that scene really. I don't think it's enough to say for sure whether she's involved in the establishment of the killing game, it's just as likely she could have been forced to do that somehow.

(This is only relevant if you are one of my friends)

If Ace actually ends up being the killer, I literally haven't drawn anything that wasn't related to a diagram in years(basically I draw things but not like. what you'd consider high art/anime art... ) but I suppose. I am honor bound. I'm mostly a fanfiction writer but I'd better start practicing drawing Ace's face on my phone for that meme lmfao...

[kandisheek]

FIC REC WEEK 14 – AUTHOR WEEK

AUTHOR SPOTLIGHT: Cluegirl

I love all of Cluegirl's voices for the Avengers – they're so funny, and the team family vibes just warm my heart. Cluegirl's writing is fantastic, and if you haven't already, you should go and read their entire AO3 catalogue, because everything in it is great!

Here's some of their work that I think you should check out:

Gladhand

Pairing: Gen Rating: G Words: 1,260 Tags: Injury, Team Feelings, Action

Summary: Steve Rogers has work to get done, and staying down is not on the schedule. The rest of the Avengers are not on board with that plan.

Reasons why I love it: Tony the Italian Grandma is hilarious, oh my god. I love how the team immediately swoops in to save Steve after he makes his blunder, the way they care for each other is so sweet. And Steve toughing shit out is as frustrating as it is admirable, which feels like it should be a tag line for his character. I love this fic, and I bet you will too!

Tea and No Sympathy

Pairing: Steve/Tony Rating: M Words: 1,286 Tags: PWP, Masochist Tony, Misuse of Yoga

Summary: Tony needs to pass Gym class. Steve needs not to wring his neck while coaching his strength training. This is their compromise.

Reasons why I love it: I wouldn't wish having to work out with Steve on anyone, holy shit. Then again, the view might make the pain worth it. I love this one, it's sassy and fun and a perfect little pick-me-up. Give it a read if you haven't already!

Operation Extraction

Pairing: Gen Rating: G Words: 2,117 Tags: Humor, Team Loyalty, Morphine

Summary: Far be it from Tony Stark to educate SHIELD Medical on any particular details, but it just so happened that it was totally possible to make a stable boot cast out of common office supplies.

Reasons why I love it: Tony is so funny in this, holy shit. I could read the way Cluegirl writes him all day. And the rest of the Avengers nonchalantly foiling his plans is hilarious. I adore this fic, and I bet you will too, so I hope you give it a shot!

Stony Going

Pairing: Steve/Tony Rating: E Words: 6,070 Tags: Sassy Steve, Clint's A Troll, Smut

Summary: Steve Rogers makes an awkward discovery on the internet. This does not work out at all the way Tony Stark expects it will.

Reasons why I love it: Three cheers for breaking the fourth wall with some good ol' fanfic-ception. I love Steve being more experienced than anyone thinks, and that bit about critiquing someone's fanworks made me nod along. Preach, girl, preach! This fic is amazing, and you should definitely read it!

Detour

Pairing: Steve/Bucky/Tony Rating: G Words: 2,447 Tags: Howard Stark's A+ Parenting, Recovery, Hurt/Comfort

Summary: A weak man knows the value of strength. A guilty man knows the value of forgiveness. Steve finds Bucky dredging the shadows of his past late one night, and rattling the bones of long-dead ghosts while Tony sleeps, unawares. But this time the terrible confession Bucky has to make isn't the one he's been braced to hear -- it's actually worse.

Reasons why I love it: Oh my god, I love this so much. Those last few sentences really tear at my heartstrings – one quote specifically, you'll know it when you see it. Because you SHOULD see it, please go and do that right now if you haven't. I bet you'll love this story just as much as I do.

[finnitesimal]

4 more lions to line then can doodle ideas of doomed yuri pissa- then get back to the grind of some pngtubers and stuff,

until then though:

I think in the mafia 1920s themed mechanic/welder mafia boss phil x "alien"(in quotes because everyone is technically an alien species to each other in this au, so it's accurate and inaccurate) race car driver missa au forgissa would be like clay in pokemon series,

now before anyone attacks me IT'S BEEN A BIT since heard this but if I remember correctly clay is a gym leader in unova(American based region from what can recall) who is not from that region BUT he went their dressed like a cowboy and talking like a southern person or something so he could seem more approachable by other unova people and by GODS people were essentially finding him so endearing and it made others smile so much EVEN AFTER THEY KNEW HE WASN'T ACTUALLY LIKE THAT HE KEPT UP THE BIT SO PEOPLE COULD STILL LAUGH AT HIS HUMOR AND FUNNY UNOVA PERSON(non-offensive) IMPRESSIONS

that is forgissa in this au to me she needs to look like some hog wild cowboy when not racing and have funny "wild west" movie type accent that mimics locals bc she completely didn't know the state of the locals or that it's from a different location on the planet than where the race is happening but it's so endearing people just accept it as her,

hoooooly shit. can a cowboygirl and a cityslicker fall in love

[barbwritesstuff]

tiktok is basically vine 2.0. Lots of different content on there. Think of it as short form youtube with any niche you can think of available. That being said…

Ed would totally do thrifting tik toks. and he’d have a link in bio to his depop where people can buy complete outfits. His page is always sold out and he has like 20k followers. Super niche audience.

Vicki would post videos of her lifting at the gym.

Sergi would not be on tiktok. He would be in videos made by Izzy though.

Marco’s tiktok is full of memes and hilarious but weird humor. Also videos of Sergi trying to understand modern slang/generally bothering the older adults. He has 300k followers.

Farro would also be on Marco’s tiktok, and he and Sergi would be part of a weekly segment called “Old Guys Try to Use Modern Slang” or something like that and. The comments are always about how hot he is. Sergi is always trying to knock the phone out of Marco’s hands.

Shawnie posts whatever she wants… Ootd, bar/party vids, pov of her riding her motorcycle, etc. She has 1000+ followers.

Roe would absolutely NOT have a tiktok. But if they did it would be nature videos and they have 0 followers and follow no one.

Carrie’s tiktok is super edgy and it’s edits of her outside with an emo backing song. There are definitely quotes like “real eyes realize real lies” or something like that (just kidding)

Thank you for saving me, anon! I did not know how to answer that ask.

[the-least-undefinable-ordinal]

Long suicidal post ahead, I've put the content warnings in the tags (I am doing therapy about this, in case this post seems too worrisome).

I've been feeling numb so long I think I'm starting to lose my sense of empathy, my last weeks of social interactions have been me trying to say the correct thing to make the other laugh or enjoy themselves but it all feels empty to me (not to say I'm particularly good at the above things, but I do try).

The only strong force that keeps me from actually killing myself is I know it would devastate my immediate family, though if I keep up the indifference I'm feeling for other people it shouldn't be long before I don't care about that either.

Outside of the family thing I have never found a convincing argument for living, they mostly boil down to "it could get better and suicide is irreversible" but death would be oblivion, I physically won't be able to regret my decision and at this point I don't have any hope of feeling consistently better.

On the dating aspect the thing isn't much better, I haven't had many bad experiences, mostly because I've hardly ever had experiences of the sort. I know I need affection and intimacy but I have no idea where to start with the whole dating thing: I don't know anyone in my classes and I don't want to approach anyone at the gym (the only other place I go that isn't uni or home), which leaves me with dating apps.

Tinder fucking sucks, the profiles there almost seem like a psyop so mysoginists can prove their points (I want to clarify I know the Tinder population isn't necessarily a representative sample of the female population, in fact I hope it isn't): you have the astrology/spirituality girls, the women whose bio only say "you need to have a bmw to have a shot with me" (direct translated quote) or "if you aren't taller than x it won't work out" (another delightful translated quote) and ,the insidiously worst ones, the women whose bio only say "if you can make me laugh you've already won me over" as if they're a prize to be won, coveted by virtue of being hot and female alone and not a person looking for an equal in a relationship.

Which brings me to the following question: why is everyone so insistent on saying the problem with men who can't get a girlfriend is their personality?

Obviously personality helps, but at least half of the women on Tinder straight up say the most important thing they expect from a man is height, money or a sense of humor (the last one also requires the man to degrade himself into a mere object of entertainment), there's also the numerous examples of horrible men who don't have a problem getting dates on account of them having some combination of height, money and sense of humor.

[hub1jokes]

Funny Day Joke

sarcastic quotes funny - husband quotes funny - wisdom quotes inspiration - friends quotes - picture story - dna test results - rorschach test - jokes - geezer - high jokes - funny mom quotes - pickles funny - bravado - lion - let it go funny - happy good morning quotes - no way out - restaurant humor - peaceful life - clean blonde jokes - graduation jokes - when someone hurts you - tarzan funny - catholic humor - short story about animals - talk - did you know funny - a good man - welcome letters - cute animals - funny advice - getting older humor - honeymoon jokes - god - grandma funny - pets - beautiful heart - fine ceramic - husband humor - bad mom quotes - money stories - 40 year anniversary - being there for someone quotes - funny fast food - how to order coffee - primary school - weird quotes funny - wedding anniversary humor - skeleton jokes - white beard - citizen - engineering student humor - ink blot - cute cats and dogs - go shopping - funny animal videos - chocolate chip cookies - marriage humor - turn ons - family jokes - funny wedding anniversary quotes - sleepless - short inspirational christmas stories - buddha face - christian short stories - sunday school teacher - wolf - happy birthday teacher - dinner bread - ceramic pottery - memories quotes - math humor - passbook - beauty tips with honey - alien - pray - i do love you - take that - letters to god - money humor - vocabulary lessons - good knight - shoe repair - catholic jokes - funny italian jokes - grandmother jokes - language jokes - funny good morning quotes - the monks - millie - it hurts - father son quotes - character quotes - temper quotes - prison jokes - teacher humor - so called friends - farm yard - how to wake up early - funny picture jokes - work jokes - mirror jokes - catholic men - cat jokes - pregnancy jokes humor - joke stories - happy quotes inspirational - good marriage - how to plan - broadway shows - boyfriend quotes funny - work quotes funny - funny questions - grape jokes - poultry farm - canada jokes - old man quotes - envelope - frugal - dad jokes funny - beautiful scarfs - english jokes - the silent treatment - chocolate chip - drought - party quotes funny - cookies recipes chocolate chip - lady godiva - port - bartender funny - funny diet jokes - master - female presidents - wake me up - amish men - funny tombstone sayings - laugh out loud jokes - very funny jokes - life lessons - drive all night - fart jokes - bad attitude funny - funny inspirational quotes - english vocabulary words - adult dirty jokes - famous scientist - pearls - funny life lessons - names - horse jokes - pizza jokes - funny feelings - guy names - kintsugi - father - police humor - homemade fudge - funniest short jokes - funny ugly people - marines funny - anniversary funny - funny one liners - shopping humor - jackdaw - hotel humor - mommy quotes - corny jokes - famous names - baseball jokes - clean funny jokes - red dress - good jokes - funny fun facts - irish men quotes - fresh fish - funny long jokes - pastor - funny stories with morals - man - sherlock holmes funny - inspirational quotes about love - sympathy bouquets - driving - engagement quotes - ring doorbell - school essay - cleaning quotes funny - pottery - pizza funny - lion and the mouse - inspirational good morning messages - text jokes - old man jokes - summer jokes - sunday sermons - friends quotes funny - funny truck quotes - funny english jokes - bar jokes - singing funny - inspirational quotes with images - red riding hood story - united way - hens - monkeys funny - travel - romantic text messages - the donkey - morning quotes funny - girlfriend humor - time with friends quotes - good jokes to tell - motivational poems - work humor - presidents - buy curtains - candle light dinner - marriage counseling funny - gym fails funny - first date funny - some jokes - russian restaurant - math jokes - farmer quotes funny - nurse jokes humour - funny sketches - funny facts - country jokes - christmas short stories

[hughgrants]

guys (gender neutral), i have to be honest, parts of last season almost, almost lost me. i kind of felt like i waited all season just for "go flip yourself" to remind me of the show's potential. it seemed like a lot of the jokes and characterizations were a little one note or underdeveloped and the sideplots didn't really provide the substance i needed.

this year? hit after hit after hit. ik some people didn't love the frogs episode but it was so weird and out of place that i enjoyed it. laszlo's STEM girly era is unmatched. guillermo is finally getting the forward momentum we NEEDED. exasperated familiar era lasted a while, then van helsing vampire hunter era, now fledgling vampire probably fucked up by van helsing blood- chef's kiss. nandor's relationship with marwa was just not great for any of us to watch because misogyny is not a relic of the past that no one can recognize now - it's still here in a big way, all over the world. that was a miss for me even though i know they were trying to bring in his background. we didn't need it lol.

laszlo, my love, my rotten soldier etc. - i enjoy his horniness but it cannot be his ONLY character note. and when it is, i cringe. we need malewife laszlo and mad scientist laszlo etc (colin parenting laszlo was a good move last season tho).

nadja - i think she was screamy last season which can be funny but like above, it became one note to me. i'm getting more levels from her this season.

nandor - his seeking companionship, and jealousy of laszlo/guillermo, is a great move forward for him. and maybe the marwa thing was supposed to move him in that direction ig. circumcising himself to win over his gym buddy was just so good with how it was played by kayvan. (he's also getting great lines this season, really shining with his deliveries)

colin robinson HAS NEVER BEEN BETTER. fuck i love him, he's almost my favorite now. the campaign episode, the endless movie quotes and tom cruise couch-jumping? pls i would date this man 10000%. he's not boring at all, just postmodern lmao

i love the baron but i can't even remember why they brought him in last season so it couldn't have been a very impactful plot lol. i hate bringing in great talent for underwhelming reasons

final note: i feel like we are getting more of the vampires interacting with humans in the real world content/humor this season, and it never misses. remember "superb owl"?

this season is so good imo, let's goooooo

[wilde-shit-posting]

~Oscar Wilde merch master post~

1. The Big Honkers Shirt

⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ - Super high quality. English teachers think it's funny. Long shirt. Good material blend. I think I'm going to wear it to the gym too.

2. Is it the 1890s or the 1990s t-shirt

⭐⭐⭐⭐ - I'm happy with the shirt. It's held up well in the wash. It's a basic t-shirt material. The different shades of black and white kinda throw me for a loop. Also something about the larger image of Mr. Wilde just scratches my brain in the wrong way.

3. This Hoodie

⭐⭐⭐ - It's a hoodie. The words started peeling after just one wash. It's kinda hard to read the text from a distance because the letters are so thin. It's got a pocket though so that's nice.

4. Blanketblanketblanketblanket

⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ - I'm thrilled with this actually. I expect to get absolute crap from Wish so when it's good I am always thrilled. This is spectacular. It's so soft on both sides. It's even a bit shiny. I was like okay this is too good to be true but the quality of the fleece seems fantastic actually.

[mistydeyes]

If it’s still open if not you can completely ignore and delete this message butttt can I get a

MW2 Pairing Please 🥺👉🏼👈🏼

Pronouns: she/her 

Race: I’m Hawaiian, Filipino, German and Italian (I’m a lot more things but these are the one I know by heart.)

Appearance: Recently I buzzed cut my hair so I don’t have my curly hair anymore, Hazel eyes, I would say I’m average height for a female (5’5), I’m more on the curvy size, glasses and light tan skin. 

Personality: Oh boy where do I start, we’ll for staters I can be very goofy and very serious at times, I have a very dry and dark humor when it comes to my jokes, ENTP, usually at work I’m very bubbly and always being a motherly type figure to my kids, but I will add that I am Bipolar so my personality tends to change whenever I hit a manic episode but nothing to hurtful or mean just more of tired and hardly energetic which usually leaves me in bed for a few hours during the day usually on my off days I’ll let it sink in I’ll never bring that type to things to work.

Things I Like to Do: Reading and Playing video games is usually what I like doing on my free time if not I usually go to the gym to get out of the house if I don’t want to be around family, if not I’m usually drawing or doing a bit of voice acting for my friends series she has going on. If not I love a good hike or driving around very late into the night or star gazing.

Job/Interests/Education: I currently work as summer camp group leader which is me helping the kids learn new things, and play fun activities with them. But right now I just signed up for National Guard as a combat medic so I’m hoping I can head to training sometime later this year for my training. As for my education I actually have a associate degree in Digital art…yea 😅 I don’t know how my job or me joining the military even fits in with my degree 😅

Fun facts: I love tattoos and have a few of my own, I have two tarot cards (sun and moon), a ghost face knife and a Star Wars quote, I can speak a little Hawaiian, Spanish and German, I’m also bipolar, bisexual, I’m the only girl and youngest out of 6 kids, little bit autistic usually if I stim I like to trace or hold one of my friends hands or arms (usually my best friend bc he has tattoos on his arm and lets me color it in).

Johnny "Soap" Mactavish

How you met: Military After years in the National Guard, you would think as a combat medic you would have seen it all. But now you had an interesting story as you helped to patch up Johnny Mactavish. After a joint US and UK op, he presented to your tent with not 1 not 3 but 10 shallow knife wounds. The most you had ever seen was maybe 7? "This is a new record," you said as you cleaned his wounds and applied antibiotic ointment. "What can I say, lass? I am a record breaker," he smiled at you as you examined his extremities for any remaining cuts. You grabbed a variety of bandages and went about applying them to the necessary areas. Soon he looked like a child who fell off his bike with the amount of bandages on him. "Alright I think I got all of them," you smiled before taking off your gloves, "just be sure to let them heal and you can replace the bandages in the next few days if they fall off." You made sure to hand him a few extras as you knew combat and traveling would inevitably cause some of them to peel. "And try not to get any more cuts, I don't want my new record to be 11," you said before signing off the appropriate documents and sending him on his way. "Okay, bonnie but I might be seeing you around," he started as he got up, "gotta find more excuses to see your pretty face."

A peek into your relationship: You anxiously looked at your face in the mirror and adjusted your glasses. Today was the day your family would meet your boyfriend. "Nervous?" Johnny asked as he snuck up on you and nearly scared you have to death. "Yes!" you exclaimed before playfully hitting him on the shoulder. You had made sure everything was perfect, preparing some dishes from your childhood and relentlessly running through all the characteristics of your family with Johnny. "I come from a big family, sweetheart, don't worry" he said in an attempt to reassure you. But as you waited at the door, your nerves were unmatched. When the door opened, you saw your 5 older brothers and parents standing there. Your parents were overjoyed to see you but your brothers looked like they were about to eat your boyfriend alive. Your mother quickly ushered you to put down the trays of food and your brothers took Johnny aside for a little talk. As you chatted with your mom about some of the more recent events in your line of work, you could hear a mix of languages happening in the next room. You and your parents peaked your head in to see Johnny and your brothers fully engrossed in a conversation about the nuances of languages. "No you tube, its 'Pishin’ it doon out here'" you could hear your boyfriend say. Your brothers laughed before the oldest one replied, "why wouldn't you just say 'it's a downpour'?"