#humans have a very complex view of death in comparison to any other living beings

[lil-gingerbread-queen]

I have come across way too many people defending cannibalism on Tumblr since I have been there. Wtf

[tempoaryblogformightyjensblog]

This episode pretty much solidified my thoughts on Belos

He is pure evil. He is a megalomaniac sadist who simply desires to hurt others, gain power and recognition. But he's not pure evil because he inherently lacks those qualities or was evil sense birth. Like characters such as Michael Myers or Henry Creel. Rather he is pure evil because he actively rejects any good qualities from himself.

Some were comparing him to Envy from FMA. And expected him to have a sad, tragic death even with how much of a monster he was.

The better comparison has always been Father from that series.

Both of them have simular plans at points. The 'day of unity' is clearly a nod to the promised day from FMA. And both of them end up becoming god-like beings by absorbing the settings equivalent to God. On that note both of them appear to give a righteous or 'holy' aura. Belos goes for the 'savior'/'prophet' image(And people have pointed out the way he looks like he's in a crucified pose in the finale) in Father's case his main form looks like the typical 'Bearded man in light' interpretation of God. In both of their cases, they are truthfully symbolic representations of the devil. With numerous parralels to Satan; making these visuals they take ironic. And both lose any dignity by the end and cowardly plead for mercy they gave no one else. While saying things to dodge responsibility for their actions.

Father once had some semblance of good qualities. He did care for Hoenheim at some point. Hence why he gave him an immortal body of his own. And as Hoenheim says, the reason he makes the other Homunculi call him 'Father' is because he secretly wants human connection and a family.

He simply rejected these qualities or threw them away. Out of his own selfishness. . He wanted to do away with any of those human qualities because he was 'above' them. He is still a very interesting character for this, and one could maybe still view him as tragic to a slight extent.

Philip is like this, he has human qualities or desires. He did love his brother and deep...deep down feels guilt over his death. He just rejects that fact, and ultimately his love for his brother. When he sees his ghost(literal or not) he makes it clear he blames him for everything and tries to kill him again. His upbringing did set him down the path of evil...but he spent centuries surrounded by chances to change his worldview. He refused, manipulating and killing those he tricked into trusting him instead.

He chooses to hurt and kill people because he steadily grew to enjoy doing those things. Threw away any of those sympathetic qualities and now only cares for living out his hero fantasy while gaining control over everything .

The overall point is that a pure evil villain, a complete monster does not have to be a flat character. They can be complex and interesting, Philip and Father certainly are. In cases like these it's a case where it's interesting how they actively choose to snuff out anything good in them. And the psychology behind that decision. They add to what makes them fascinating if anything.

[adndmonsteraday]

Death tyrants were an undead form of beholder, similar to zombies, that retained some innate magical abilities. They were often used by powerful wizards as guardians. They were almost never encountered near other beholders, who found them abhorrent.

“A cluster of tiny lights descended from a dark crevice in the ceiling. These motes cast an eerie glow on the great, alien skull that hung beneath them.” — From the journal of Jastus Hollowquill, explorer of Undermountain.

A death tyrant was the result of a beholder's mad dreams of existing beyond death. On the rare occasion in which such dreams took hold of a live beholder, its flesh rotted away, and a naked skull with spectral points of red light for eyes would emerge. A death tyrant held much of the powers of the original beholder, now fueled by the power of Undeath.

Although somewhat similar to a zombie, a death tyrant was a much more powerful creature, that continued to lord over others the same way beholders did. On the other hand, a true beholder zombie was the result of the necromantic reanimation of a dead beholder, and although a formidable foe, was a considerably weaker creature and a mindless servant.

Death tyrants retained enough of their intelligence to be capable of performing complex commands. When not taking orders or if faced with a situation that was not detailed in their orders, they would attempt to destroy any living creature that wasn't expressly identified as off-limits.

If an accident was made during their creation, death tyrants were known to go into a "rogue" state. Death tyrants in such a state were incapable of being commanded by any means, even by spells.

Unlike the gaze of a beholder, which disabled any magic where a beholder was looking, a Death Tyrant's gaze caused recovery to become impossible. Healing magic ceased to work, wounds failed to heal themselves, the very essence of life was gone in anything under the view of a Death Tyrant.

As creatures with the powers of necromancy, death tyrants could summon undead. However, unlike human necromancers who could at best summon a few hundred undead with intense concentration, a Death Tyrant could summon as many zombies as it pleased without effort.

The ritual to create a death tyrant was quite elaborate and the components required for it would typically cost around 3,000 gp. Elder orbs and beholder mages were both known to be capable of casting a spell that would transform dead beholders into death tyrants. They were also known to have a unique spell that would override the orders given to a death tyrant.

Death tyrants were capable of being magically bound to items by wizards, forcing them to obey the commands of whoever wields it. In a similar fashion, they could be bound to obey those who spoke a specific code-word, but this was considered faulty by comparison.

Kasharin were death tyrants who had been raised from the bodies of beholders infected with the beholder-contagion malohurr. Though their abilities and behavior largely paralleled that of regular death tyrants, kasharin carried a highly contagious disease similar to mummy rot that slowly killed whatever creature they touched.

Source: https://forgottenrealms.fandom.com/wiki/Death_tyrant

[soullessjack]

need to know what you think of soulless jack . deranged about that whole arc.

I am so abnormal about him oh my fucking god. Literally a beast in a situation. Gnawing on him at all times. The most interesting part of it is seeing how much genuine anger and impatience and downright ruthlessness he’s capable of when the chips are down. Like, they were already hotheaded and stubborn and set to a plan but now, if anybody gets in his way he won’t fucking hesitate to remove them by whatever means he can. I mean he threw Rowena back into her apartment when she refused to help any more and literally sabotaged Baby’s engine just to keep Sam and Dean away long enough to finish the spell he’d cast specifically for them.

And it really just adds to the idea that his excessive politeness and usual mild mannerisms are truly nothing more than a performance, a robotic exaggeration of traditionally socially acceptable or likable traits displayed to gain approval, acceptance and to emulate human normality (autistic masking 101). Like we’ve seen instances of him being impatient and impulsive and all those other charming qualities beforehand, but now without a soul to help him regulate those traits he’s truly a lot more volatile than he’d ever want to admit or accept.

It’s also a major insight into the perfectionist complex he was inadvertently instilled with by Sam and Dean (and Cas, but more on the latter) at the very start.

Dean instills the notion that Jack is already inherently/biologically evil and therefore fundamentally unsalvageable, because how can you possibly fight or be saved from what you really are? His indirect comparisons of Jack to Lucifer and Cas also don’t help with this, because that leads Jack to try and emulate him and Cas as much as possible without ever finding a solid sense of who they actually are. If they can be more like Cas, they can be more good, and thus they can be accepted and gain respect + acknowledgment of their humanity.

Sam instills the notion of purpose as a means of value and worth by way of seeing Jack’s powers as a tool to save Mary (re: inter-dimensional can opener). He also instills the notion of respect and humanity as something earned through effort, but not inherent to the person. Dean can’t possibly respect Jack as a mostly-human being or respect his autonomous choice to be good; he can’t possibly respect an inherently evil monster. Jack’s humanity and goodness has to be proven with hard labor and grand gestures. Sam is also the one to tell Jack up front that he is inherently dangerous; that while they may need to protect Jack from various threats in the world, they may also need to protect the world from the threat Jack potentially poses. Dean is similar in that regard, but he affixes danger to moral standing, unlike Sam who is aware that Jack does not consciously want to be a threat.

Castiel instills a similar notion to Sam’s, wherein destiny and affixed purposes within greater plans act as complete justifications for everything; for unconditional love, for unwavering faith, for actions, etc. He and Kelly both wanted Jack to live because they shared the idea that he could bring paradise on earth, and nothing more. Re: emulation of a better person and purpose as value, Jack now thinks they have to be just like Castiel, that they have to accomplish the grand scale cosmic miracle Kelly dreamed of in order to ever be truly good or worthy or to continue being loved by his chosen father (and to make Kelly’s death actually he worth her sacrifice). I think this explains why they butt heads with Cas most often, as well as their overt retaliation against his defense in Moriah. His unwavering faith is not in Jack as a person or as they really/already are, but as what he believes Jack can be.

In some form or another, all of the parental figures Jack has view him as a tool for something (except Mary, I’m pretty sure she was the only one to actually see him as a kid). All of this culminates to mold an extremely skewed view of morality for Jack, where he personally denotes evil/monstrosity to anyone or anything that intentionally kills and harms innocents, whether they’re human or not. He also denotes goodness/humanity to Sam and Dean, to hunting, to killing the aforementioned evil innocent-murdering monsters, to protecting and saving. Mia Vallens also instills that inherently monstrous traits can be utilized for good like her closure shifting, and as such Jack throws themself into hunting, into the role of a protector, of a hero that crushes villains and always wins—because even with the burdening idea that they may be ontologically evil and fundamentally unlovable in their true nature, they can be loved and accepted and achieve some semblance of goodness through purpose, destiny, and utilization of their nature for good.

Thus, Jack cannot handle failure of rejection, because he objectively views every failure and rejection as proof that he cannot be anything he’s tried to be. If he fails to protect his loved ones or to be more like Cas and The Winchesters, then he’s failed to fulfill the purposes and destinies that he sees as a reflection of his own self worth, ergo his true nature must be evil. Then it comes to a full on collision stop when he lashes out at Mary and inadvertently kills her. and every single fear, every single basis of the rejection Jack has faced, everything they spent their entire life fighting to prove wrong, was proven right. They are hopelessly genetically evil, they cannot meet their affixed purposes and ergo they have no value. His powers can’t be utilized for good as he’d intended, only for destruction and death. All these interlacing notions just get worse with their actions under Duma’s manipulation, because he’s just happily killed more innocents, and despite having the heartbreakingly good intention of making the world a better place to make up for Mary’s botched resurrection, the action outweighs the intent entirely.

The Moriah script specifically notes how truly unhappy Jack is with being soulless and with Dean being right, because he never wanted this. He never consciously wanted to hurt the people he considers to be all he has in the world, or to cause as much harm as he ended up doing, but to kill and destroy is the inherent nature of all monsters, so he essentially takes his failures and actions as insurmountable proof that he is truly helplessly evil, whether he consciously wants to be like this or not.

Despite how dysfunctional and harmful TFW ended up being to Jack’s development, I do also think that his soulless arc reflects his attachment to them in the best worst way possible; the fact that he genuinely loves this ragtag handful of weirdos enough to not only destroy himself over them, but to destroy others for their sake….the fact that he stakes so much of his identity and livelihood on them that as soon as he gets an inkling of losing it all (ie Mary pressing that something is wrong with him) it makes him go fucking insane…::so horrendous and juicy…

I just wish more was done with him, that he’d lasted longer than four episodes and that the writing didn’t flip back and forth between “Jack is horrified by what he’s done and what it implies for his livelihood with the Winchesters as well as the long/standing question of what his true nature really is” and “Jack only logically knows what he did wrong and blames Mary completely.” As is evident with this entire post, there’s so much to be gleaned from Soulless!Jack, and also just Jack as a character I think is extremely rich in discussion.

** btw, tysm for the ask!!! I’d been looking to have something long winded posted eventually but didn’t know what to start with. too many ideas for the blorbo just ricocheting off of my inner skull walls).

[vampelune]

kamukomahina gender/body headcanons

a bit of a ramble about my body, gender, and general appearance headcanons for them bcuz someone sent me a curiouscat prompting this 3k words of hyperfixation nonsense

Komaeda:

- He has a naturally lithe body, with a thin waist, broad shoulders and hips, which give him an hourglass. and a rather andrognyous body, which is "lucky" for him, because I hc him as nonbinary and gender non-conforming

- Gender-wise, as I said, I think he's nonbinary. Usually I do view Nagito as AMAB but I indulge in transmasc Nagito from time to time depending on my preference and how much I wish to uh, well, project, lol. But either way I think he would use he/they pronouns in a western sense. In japanese, however, they don't use third person pronouns that other people refer to them with, and in canon he uses the first person pronoun "boku", which is a "soft" masculine pronoun, in comparison to the "hard" masculine pronoun, “ore” (which Hajime uses btw!) which fits quite nicely, in my opinion! Also, in Japanese, you can be 'fluid' with your first person pronouns depending on the situation, so I think he could use more neutral or feminine pronouns should he desire it, too, to play on his gender non-conformity.

- Komaeda is very secure in his gender, regardless of being AMAB or AFAB. He does not care about stigma, or discrimination, he does not care about being "accepted" by broader society. Broader society is sort of meaningless to him, the average person and their ideas about gender and presentation and effeminity mean NOTHING to him. Whether or not a random person the street genders him correctly or treats him with respect is sort of, pointless? Because to him, most ordinary people are pointless nobodies. Their thoughts do not matter to him. I think he is still prone to insecurity, however, when around his "betters" but I just struggle to think he would degrade himself in regards to gender. to him, it's the least of his problems. what he cares about is hope and talent. He could dress femininely or wear makeup or straight up crossdress and not mind it, really. He thinks people would find a problem with it are the problem, because why does it even matter? It speaks to the way Komaeda is detached from societal norms & "normal" people, he did not grow up in normal circumstances, so he doesn't interact with the world normally by any means. he can mask and act normally to the best of his ability, often unintentionally?, but he simply does not fit into broader society and doesn't seek to.

- Komaeda loses weight really easily, and doesn't gain weight that well. This is mainly due to his many illnesses but also the medications he's been put on. He has a low appetite and burns weight rather easily, even though I headcanon that he eats like garbage (mainly junk food & takeout, since he obviously cannot cook). This makes him overall, health wise, not very healthy, and stick thin because of it. A stiff breeze could knock him over, tbh.

- He has a lot of faded scars, self-inflicted or not.

- Pre-despair (in HPA) he is fairly healthy but still lithe, and progressively his body deteriorates through his 2 years of hopes peak before the Tragedy begins.

- During the Tragedy itself, his body is at it's worst. he is almost nothing but bone at times, barely kept together by a need to live so he can see hope triumph. His weight fluctuates but he's very unhealthy. He's not anorexic or on death's door, but he's not well off, either.

- After being put into the neo world program, right after waking up, he's very, very thin and gaunt. he was in a pod on feeding tubs for an indiscernible but at least probably a month's worth of time? So he's just very weak, like he could collapse if he moves too quickly.

- But a while after waking, he goes into remission, and starts to gain more healthy habits due to being rehabilitated and cared for by Hinata, and gains some weight, finally at a healthy, normal weight. I still think he would struggle with putting on too much weight, but I am slightly fond of the idea that he gets a bit of healthy pudge after a while. To him, it's so foreign being healthy, that he honestly think something's wrong with him at first.

Hinata:

- Hinata has a very... average body, true to form. His hips and waist aren't too pronounced but he has a loosely "hourglass" shape, too, just not as exaggerated as Komaeda's in comparison.

- Gender-wise, I am EXTREMELY fond of transmasc Hinata. While I think I portray AMAB Hinata more than transmasc Hinata (in art and writing), I still firmly prefer transmasc Hinata. The reason I think portray otherwise more is just out of comfortability, but I've been getting better at comfortably portraying FTM Hinata. I have some reasons I prefer it and think you can extrapolate it from canon, but let's get into that

- Hinata, in my eyes, has an arc and story that fits perfectly into him just. Being trans. His desire to be someone else, someone better, someone he can proud of, and the way he overcompensates for himself and has an extreme inferiority complex would easily lend to him having similar feelings about his gender. To me, Hinata is a trans man who overperforms his masculinity out of insecurity and a need to pass. I see him as someone who would strictly use "he/him" in a western sense, which is lended to by his use of the "ore" pronoun in canon, which is almost hypermasculine.

- Even if he were AMAB, I think it still works, I think he's still someone who's insecure and tries to assert himself more strongly and therefore performs masculinity in a way to appear more confident than he is.

(side note: I actually read a bit about queerness in Japan and how it relates to gender performance and the use of pronouns, and read a bit about how queer women in japan tend to use "boku" and "ore" to perform masculinity, which I find neat. “Ore” was also sometimes used exclusively to show anger and dominance, which is why it's categorized as a "rough" pronoun. I think Japanese language, gender, and expression, and how those all relate to one another, are extremely interesting and if you get the time you should read about it lol)

- Body-wise, pre-despair, I think Hinata would. not have top surgery, obviously. I think he has a fairly average but leaning a little on the hefty side chest (pre-op) and binds it, hence the '91 cm' (but also he still has 91 cm post-op because bazongas). I also just think he leans on the "twunk" side of things at this point, not buff but not stick thin or without muscle, just kind of average with average strength and all, though I think Hinata would've tried to do sports and stuff to find his talent so he's in shape :)

- My personal, kind of amusing, but also kind of... thematical? Headcanon, is that during the Kamukura project, he also underwent gender transition. to be honest, while it may not make sense in modern Japan, I think we can suspend our disbelief for fiction, and also make the argument that Hinata's "transition" into Kamukura CAN be read, in some part, as relatable or at least familiar to the trans experience. Iit is not out of the realm of possibility, either, to assume that because many bits of society in Danganronpa are advanced (specifically science, is extremely ahead of our understanding, almost sci-fi like at times) certain attitudes about gender and sexuality can be smoothed over more in a Japanese context.

(side note: I also think that science-wise, we can suspend our disbelief, and assume that top surgery and bottom surgery are much more advanced in this universe, given the almost unbelievable levels of science in Danganronpa, such as memory wipe, mind control, completely realistic virtual simulation, um literally everything about Kamukura which is body modification and brain modification to an extreme, etc. I think it's kind of fitting within these to assume that... Hinata/Kamukura could just, gain a functioning penis, lol)

Kamukura:

- Kamukura would have a. "Perfect" body. it's stated, I'm pretty sure, that they modified not only his brain but his body, because he needs to be able to perform every talent under their belt with ease, and his strength, instincts, technique, are all superhuman. So it's clear to me he'd have a buff body. toned muscles and all. He wouldn't really feel a need to keep it up, though, but I think since they're very... artificial (basically fucking steroids?) they wouldn't fade from a lack of keep-up.

- Kamukura also rarely ever is injured, but when he does, his body heals rather fast and can care for himself adequately, because again, his body is modified to a point of almost inhumanity.

- Gender wise, Kamukura genuinely does not care. however, I am not one to think that Kamukura is "a different person" from Hinata, rather, he is separate from Hinata, but an extension of Hinata as well, proven that he experiences some of his emotions even if subconsciously and without understanding them. he isn't a different personality or person developed in Hinata's body, but a very traumatizing, repressed, and manipulated version of Hinata given a new name, with memories repressed. He's like Theseus's ship in human form---if you get rid of everything that makes someone themselves and replace it, bit by bit, is it the same person? Technically, yes, but... truly? Who knows. 

Because of this, I think Kamukura would have a leaning toward masculine gender performance (in canon, in fact, he uses the soft masculine pronoun "boku" in stead of "ore" like Hinata) BUT I think he is still very nonbinary. In a western sense, i think he would use he/they pronouns, but not really care if someone mistook him for a woman, I suppose.

- His appearance, unironically, is very nonbinary or "he/they" to me because he's wearing a suit, the archetypal form of masculinity, but has extremely long hair, which is considered feminine, and speaks softly (dully). Of course, the bishounen "pretty boy" appearance isn't uncommon or considered less masculine in japan, I think, but there is still a different between soft masculinity and rough masculinity in japan, which lends itself to being interpreted sort of gender non-conforming by western audiences :)

- Kamukura, due to his apathy, struggles with self-maintaining, but as we all probably know i am extremely attached to KamuKoma and thus headcanon that Servant helps him, sort of like a royal servant would royalty in the old days, take care of himself by bathing him, brushing his hair out, grooming him, etc. partially out of duty, partially out of appreciation for Kamukura's body, and partially out of maintaining his sort of "perfect" look since Kamukura, especially post-Junko death, is perceived widely by the public as the new leader of the ultimate despair, even if he is ambivalent to such a title.

Post-DR3 Hinata/Kamukura combined:

As I rambled on about previously, I don't think that Kamukura and Hinata are separate people or personality, I really dislike the interpretation that they are like a "split personality" or operate like DID, because they do not "form" like DID, but also in canon, are not portrayed as separate people.

In post-dr3, Hinata instead says that he is both of them, because he is. Kamukura is Hinata, always was, but had been given a new, false identity, had been stripped of his previous self, his memories, his personality, and crafted into something new. but that did not "split" his brain into two people. It simply repressed who he once was, and made him someone he now was. But when Kamukura regains his memories, his past self, through the means of the new world program by restoring his own memories after SDR2 concludes and he wakes up, as well as doing the same for everyone else, he decides to be "Hajime Hinata" who he always was, but carrying and shouldering the weight of what "Izuru Kamukura" had been, become, and done. Hinata *is* Kamukura, he answers for Kamukura's wrongdoings, his crimes, as something he had done as a different person who's mind operated differently, due to being artificially suppressed, modified, into an apathetic tool for the scientists who made him, and later and aimless, bored individual who simply sought meaning he did not have in the unknown of what despair would be at it's climax. And if hope could overcome it.

As such, I think, when Hinata's self is brought back into the mix, and he now deals with Kamukura's apathy and boredom in part, but much less consuming and much less often, I think hinata is less staunchly "masculine", does not overperform it anymore, and is trying to understand what his past means to him, what his present is, and what his future will be. I think that Hinata would still primarily use he/him (or still use "ore" in Japanese, as it's also a means of his personality, which is a bit rough around the edges and blunt), but be more ambivalent to rigid gender expression, still finding comfort and idealness in masculinity, but not be made dysphoric or feel frightened, uncomfortable, with non-comformity or anything like that. being boyish, masculine, is what he enjoys, but he's comfortable in it now, doesn't need to prove himself or overperform it. He can explore nonconformity without feeling like his gender or masculinity is at threat, even if it's not his preference outright.

Body-wise, I think it's safe to say he retains Kamukura's muscle and all, but Kamukura didn't put much effort into the everyday machinations of being a human being in general, and Hinata is much more fond of food than him now, eats more often, and I enjoy the idea that he gains a little pudge and has a kind of "dad bod" almost, post-DR3? lol.

Both for Hinata and Kamukura I don't see their bodies as “bara” or overly buff, masculine, but a kind of comfortable middle ground between twunk and hunk, lmao. I think they're also averagely hairy, not overly so, very lightly. kind of well groomed, and all. Hinata, pre-despair, put not so much effort into his appearance but still some, especially in trying to pass. (In fact I think his hair cut looks like a home job, all choppy and stuff, which fits him in my opinion, something done by his own hands even if messy and imperfect, he still prefers to be in control of it. also fits the trans headcanon tehe).

Izuru put very little if any effort into himself, only the bare minimum necessary to function, but servant helped him upkeep it to a perfect standard. Hinata, post-dr3 now, finds himself putting you know, an average amount of care into himself and his body, enough to be healthy, but not overly critical and conscious of himself.

Komaeda i have always seen as someone who takes a good deal of care about himself, merely if to alleviate the "disgust" of his appearance and body, by practically preening himself. He is someone who is good at cleaning and seems to appreciate clean and well kept spaces, so I think he would have a similar attitude toward himself. even if he is insecure, and of course, struggles with mental health and may slip at times in his routine in keeping himself well-kept, I think he still maintains an appearance for the most part, at least in his later years (teen to young adult). An argument can be made that he cared less in his adolescence because he had much more apathy about the world, but when he gave himself a purpose with hope and talent, I think he would care for himself a little better, even if his was spiralling mentally.

His hair is always washed, it is just very curly and prone to mess, so it often looks like perpetual bedhead, even when he combs and brushes it. His skin is soft even if a little worn by his tendency for accidents & injury, it's still soft and almost luckily so, and he takes pride in moisturizing and cleaning himself. His skin is a little sickly, still, and I think that despite having blemishes, scars, etc. Komaeda manages to look pretty in a strange way, not conventionally beautiful, but almost ethereal? He's just *pretty*, there's no way to explain it, he is nice to look at even with all his "flaws" and imperfections. Even when he's sickly and bony, even when his cheeks are gaunt or his hands shaky and weak, when his hair is a tangled mess or his clothes are dirty, he's nice to look at in a way that's nonconventional, and it's sort of mesmerizing.

Hinata I think is very average but also in a way that's nice to look at it. He's not ground-breaking hot or conventionally attractive, he has a good body, a nice face, and hair you could play with a little if you wanted. I think what's appealing about him is his normalcy, he's not trying too hard or "gifted" gene wise, but he's just kinda nice to look at, he's enjoyable to be around, an understanding person, or at least tries to be even when he fails, and despite having flaws, insecurities, blunt, he is someone you're drawn to because he's one of those people that's just, easy to talk to? An emotional anchor, almost. The kind of guy everyone kind of knows and has talked to at least once, even if you're not friends with him personally, not because he's cool or popular or anything, but because he's a normal dude who's easy to trust and talk to.

Kamukura, on the other hand, is intimidating, appearance wise and personality wise. he looks, strange, anything but normal, his eyes are red and his hair is this dark cloud that envelops him. His face may still be that plain one Hinata has but faces can be changed by the surrounding attributes as well as expression and such is true for him, with his apathetic and cold expression as well as otherwordly characteristics, he comes off as much more beautiful in a dark way, kind of? In a way that's intimidating or a little daunting, but he's still very beautiful. mesmerizing.

okay, thats my ramble. ty.

[lamelinam]

The maid and the Cat, Ren and Akira: some musings

What gloomy love brightened the half-lives of the Sohmas’ most Cursed ones?

I often wonder what the relationship between the former Cat and his attendant would have looked like, twisted and sad as it must have been. Precious little is shown about those two, and only through Kazuma’s pov. We know she took care of and pitied the Cat, to the point that she even slept with him and bore his child. This is not unlike Kureno’s relationship with Akito. She might have treated him with the same kindness and devotion, distant, perhaps harmful, yet selfless.

Selfless? I think another way to extrapolate on the story of Kazuma’s grandparents is with Ren and Akira’s relationship.

Many great meta writers have already pointed out that those who fill in the positions at the extremes of the Sohma hierarchy, the Cat and God, or in this case the Cat and the idolized, deified family head, are foils to each other and are the ones that are dehumanized and isolated the most.

But now I think that you can also compare the way the previous Cat and Akira both chose ("chose" being a relative term in the case of the Cat) a romantic partner.

(Akira wasn’t God, but as the family head, he was worshipped just like Akito. His sickness also contributed to making him stand apart. Not only was he kept inside the compound because of his frailty, the hold that death had on him blessed him with this ephemeral, divine aura. “Was it the sorrow that befell him at such a young age that gave him that otherworldly beauty?»)

Both Kazuma’s grandfather and Akito’s father were doomed, Akira to die an early death, Kazuma’s grandfather to live the life of a living dead. Both were buried alive in the Sohma estate, either at the outskirts or at the center of it.

Both reached out to their progeny. (But Kazuma rejected the offered cake, and will endeavour to atone and honour his grandfather’s memory. Akito clung to every memento she had of her father and will need to learn to let go of him.)

And both the previous Cat and Akira found some measure of comfort in the affections and arms of their female caretakers, Sohma servants who saw their loneliness and expressed their compassion, though not in a particularly healthy way: Kazuma’s grandmother acting out of pity, Ren out of obsessive love.

It’s interesting to me how their respective position was reflected in their partners’ feelings : the imprisoned, despised Cat, Kazuma’s grandmother looked down on. The respected, otherworldly beautiful Akira was adored by Ren.

Kazuma sums up his grandparents’ relationship thusly:

Those correspond to the main "duties" that a wife is traditionally supposed to provide her husband.

The day-to-day caring.

Childbearing.

Attending their husband’s deathbed.

Obviously Ren wished she could have skipped the second one and be there for the last one. (I headcanon that she had prepared her last words years in advance, finding small pleasures and comfort, on the back of the wave of despair anticipating Akira’s death, in rehearsing the declarations of passionate love she would address to the dying man.)

The Cat’s companion attended her partner’s deathbed, seemingly very composed, even cold, as seen in Kazuma’s memories, while Ren, deprived of her husband’s last moments, that she felt were “stolen” from her by Akito (in reality by the maids :@), was mad with grief.

"The only one who can save him"

Those parallels make me wonder whether or not the Cat’s companion might not have developed a saviour complex, like Ren, both believing that they were the only one able to save this lonely, condemned person they were taking care of, and relishing it.

“I love you” vs "I pity you"

On Ren’s side though, it seems that she believes she truly saw Akira, as the person hiding behind that otherworldly aura, filled with sadness and fearful of death. Seeing that Akira agrees with her ("Ren noticed I was lonely"), fought against the Sohma leaders and regretted on his deathbed that he and Ren couldn’t reconcile, I believe this is not a delusion of hers. Her love was genuine and passionate, and she and Akira were happy. Unfortunately, that happiness didn’t survive her pregnancy, for she was also jealous and obsessed.

Kazuma supposes that his grandmother believed that she was doing something good. I wonder at her expression. It is shadowed, enigmatic. Is it a smirk or not, is she sad or not? i wonder whether she was selfless in her pity, like Kureno, or selfish like Kagura, perhaps feeling better by «sacrificing» herself in associating with the Cat for the sake of a miserable soul.

(Whatever you can say or imagine about her, Kazuma doesn’t seem to suffer from the stigma of being the Cat’s grandson, nor does he bear any trace of an abusive upbringing - in fact, he was among those doing the abusing - or even the echoes of the previous generation’s, so my guess is that she was an okay mother and grandmother... which would have made Kazuma’s disappointment and hurt at her words all the sharper... Like Tohru thinking of the zodiacs members she finds so kind and adorable secretly looking down on someone else she realizes she cares about more than she thought.)

There is no way to know how the Cat reacted to a pity-love. But considering Kureno and Akito’s relationship, this might also have been but a superficial balm, and potentially just as hurtful. Then it depends on the interpretation. Kureno’s pity cocooned Akito and kept her from moving forward, but the Cat was condemned anyway to an eternity of imprisonment. Moving forward was forbidden to him. And if his self-worth was already completely destroyed as his role and his treatment are meant to do, he might have just felt grateful towards the attendant. There’s no way to say for sure whether he would have been hurt or not by the truth, and I don’t know which option is the saddest!

... but I know what could be sadder. Because is the maid entirely to blame? We know that in Fruits Basket, love requires a measure of selfishness. The one cursed with the Cat has no self, no existence, no wants and no future, and they accept this fate. They believe they deserve it. (Which is why the Cat's Room doesn't need bars in the manga, nor locks. Rin was under lock and keys because either Akito didn't completely trust her to keep her word or she didn't want someone to discover her.)

It would be very difficult for someone to fall in love with a person who has renounced to everything, perhaps including love. Because who's to say that the Cat loved the maid too?

Recognition vs indifference

How depressingly fitting that we don't even learn the Cat's name, while Akira’s is remembered by all and echoes back and forth in the later part of the story.

Ren marrying the Sohma family head was such a big political deal it provoked a family schism. The Cat’s story with the maid gets completely ignored. It is probably known, just not "officially recognized", says Kazuma. Like everything related to the Cat, it was relegated to the back of the minds, in the dusty closet of the things that are uncomfortable to think about but that you tolerate if it doesn’t upend your little world-view. Ugh, some maid is being inappropriate with that monster! Well, as long as she doesn’t free the loathsome creature, who cares. (And she wouldn’t, because she’s no Tohru.)

In contrast, the maids of the main family thought that Ren was stealing Akira from their grasp. Ren didn’t seem to care for the family, and in a way, her love allowed Akira to also escape from them, "snatched away" by "that woman”, for the old attendant. Unlike the Cat’s attendant, Ren felt like a threat to the Sohma strict hierarchical system. (Fortunately, God will be born to bring back the right order of things, phew! Certainly she he will accomplish what Akira-san was momentarily too misguided to do and rid us of that woman!)

Inheritance.

Both women's profession of their true feelings deeply marked their progeny and the way they view relationship, whether personal or not, romantic or filial.

While her mother affirmed that "a woman only needs one man", Akito leaned on the love of the zodiacs ; Kazuma viewed and loved Kyo as a human and dreaded that his son would find himself in the same situation as his grandfather but also with the same kind of companionship. (His reaction to Kagura speaks of a long-held anxiety). But Ren's hatred for Akito coloured the way Akito interpreted her words, while Kazuma’s grandmother’s declaration shook Kazuma, his personal relationship with his grandmother notwithstanding.

This comparison isn't about good or evil, neither to judge those characters. Furuba isn’t about that. Obviously, they are not blameless. But it is very difficult to say whether or not Kazuma’s grandmother was wrong to act out of pity if it provided a bit of comfort to a prisoner. And is it surprising that Ren developed this saviour’s complex when it seems she was the only one willing to breach Akira’s isolation bubble?

Anyway, Takaya-sensei is really good at making foils. Either because she does it on purpose or because her characters are so deeply intertwined with the themes of the series the parallels appear on their own. But in this case, I don’t think it’s for nothing that the chapters recounting Ren and the Cat’s attendant stories follow each other (chapters 114 and 115).

Of course, this meta is less an analysis and more suppositions and conjectures (frankly, I wonder if I might not as well have written a fanfic). From the little we see, the Cat’s companion and Ren work as distorted yin-yang mirrors, their differences highlighting the similarities of their situations, from the ugly effects of the inner workings of the Sohma cult to the messed up inner workings of the heart. Genuine but obsessed, jealous love... Pity, perhaps self-serving, in the guise of martyred love.... One thing I can say for sure is that these two both gave me chills in their own way.

[in-tua-deep]

Oooooo the red bock au sounds so interesting! Does Five caught himself thinking of his brothers just as numbers and weapons like Reginald talks in his book? Does he read Vanya book to remind himself that they are still human even though he reads it through lens of someone hurt by them all? And I feel like the handler would know either way about the books but o it's so much fun to see five being paranoid

I think having both books and both perspectives reminds Five that... he’s getting some very biased accounts of his own siblings. I think that when he’s still young, he writes down as many memories as he can remember because... he starts to forget, at some point. 

Vanya’s book talks about how volatile Diego and Luther’s relationship is, and so Five writes down the time Luther and Diego teamed up to toss Five off a balcony when Five kept switching the pens in their hands with pipe cleaners during a lesson (and he will maintain until his dying day that he was just practicing his control, c’mon guys!)

when Reginald’s notes call Allison an “insufferable, narcissistic creature,” Five remembers Allison bribing him to cause trouble and distract Reginald so that she could use the microwave unobserved to heat up some water bottles as makeshift heat packs for Luther’s sore muscles

when Vanya calls Ben “easily manipulated,” Five recalls Ben arguing theories with him at 2am after one of Ben’s training sessions where Ben almost flipped his bed when Five jokingly suggested that he could use the horror’s tentacles to bounce up and down like a pogo stick before Ben tackled him and tried to beat Five to death with an encyclopedia of sea creatures (affectionately)

I think having Reginald’s journal actually helps in a lot of ways, because Five automatically autocorrects literally all of Reginald’s thoughts to be like, mostly inaccurate and much harsher than they need to be. So when he reads Vanya’s journal he also autocorrects and is able to recognize that it is a very biased and somewhat harsh view of his siblings

(he doesn’t distrust them as much as he does in canon, with only Vanya’s harsh words to cling to with no reminder that they were all raised by a man capable of unfathomable cruelty, no reminder that authors can be oh so biased)

outside of his equations, there’s notes to himself written in the margins of Vanya’s book. Sometimes they’re just small, pointing out that Klaus had fought to include Vanya in trap week (Klaus then proceeded to team up with her and managed to catch Five in a snare - he actually still has a scar around his ankle from his upsidedown thrashing before he managed to steal one of Diego’s knives to cut himself down) or pointing out that Luther’s chilly attitude when they were ten was probably the result of Vanya outperforming him in every standardized test they took because of Luther’s ridiculous inferiority-superiority complex

at the very least he has comparison, because Reginald’s book calls Klaus an absolute failure while Vanya’s book called him “sweet, as a child at least”

As for the Handler... she’s aware that he has Vanya’s book and a red notebook, but I don’t think she actually knows what’s in the red notebook! Reginald was notoriously secretive, after all

So the Handler assumes that the red notebook is where Five keeps his time travel equations because aw, he hasn’t given up! how cute!

She makes an assumption that, logically, makes sense. Of course Five is still trying to figure out time travel, no matter how much he denies it! Of course he’s writing the equations down! What a silly boy, thinking that he could hide this from her, of course she knows about his little plans to save his siblings ;3c

And because she’s so powerful and knowledgeable and one step ahead all the time, she makes an assumption and assumes that it is fact. Because she’s so smart, of course she isn’t wrong! She’s had Five clocked from day one!

(The Handler thinks she has Five all figured out, a creature so based in sentiment. Why would he carry a book around that details the torture his siblings went through? He hates his father, why would he ever carry around his father’s notebook! The Handler has a fatal flaw, and it is that she doesn’t understand loyalty and sneers at sentiment and those are two of Five’s most powerful driving factors. Five lives for his siblings and would die for his siblings, almost his entire life has been dedicated to saving them. Not the world, just his family.) 

(She understands that Five considers his family to be exceptionally valuable, but doesn’t comprehend that Five is 100% willing to die for them should it come down to it. Why on earth would anyone value something like siblings over their own life? Absurd. I genuinely believe that the Handler thinks she could get Five to betray his siblings with the right leverage, and so she fundamentally does not understand Five as a person)

To be fair to the Handler, the whole academy’s morals and just. completely and utterly fucked. Luther condemns the murder of innocent civilians even if it would save the planet but doesn’t blink an eye at killing the ‘bad guy’ Commission agents. Diego stabs criminals as a pastime while still holding himself at a moral high ground for saving people, despite the fact that too many criminals are forced into crime by unfair circumstances. Allison used her powers to bolster her career without even blinking but now refuses to use her powers at all because of the manipulation of one (1) child, not even against ‘bad guys.’ 

I mean. Vanya wrote an entire salt book without consulting her siblings that had lasting impacts on at least one of her sibling’s career in the public eye and potentially impacting her siblings relationships with everyone who had every read the spark notes on her book, without the opportunity for reprisal. Publishing your entire family’s dirty laundry as personal emotional catharsis is... kind of a dick mood, lets be real. Especially when you were all abused children raised in an environment of excessive violence and rigid structure. 

Like yeah, of course Allison is good at manipulation and lying - she grew up with an abusive and over-controlling father. She probably lied as easily as breathing about where she’d been, who she was with, what she was doing, etc. The only privacy they got in that household was what they seized with their own hands and carved out for themselves! Is it fair to say that Allison’s superpower is dishonestly?

Is it fair to say that Klaus got crueler as he grew? He was tortured and turned to drugs as an unhealthy coping mechanism, and then he sat down at a table and looked at all the other little kiddies who did not get locked into a crypt overnight. In fact, there was one child who never got any extra training at all! Can you imagine the jealousy? The bitterness? Klaus might have been exceptionally cruel to Vanya as a teenager, she had everything he wanted and dared to complain about it. Can you imagine listening to someone wistfully wish they could join in on missions when you know that the cost for doing so has been carved out of your soul?

My point is, none of these little bitches have anything that resembles a sane moral compass. They’re unpredictable as fuck! It’s like herding cats! You never know what they’re going to do next! Oh? Are they going to investigate in any logical pattern? No, because Diego just remembered Patch exists and helping her print flyers for the annual police ball is more important than saving the world or whatever lol

Luther is over there investigating the moon! The moon! Meanwhile Allison is breaking and entering her sister’s student’s house because she got shady vibes off of him one time and she has never heard of a proportionate action in her life. 

Meanwhile Vanya is going through the phone book trying to call up psychiatrists who have any familiarity with whatever fucked up meds Dad put her on because like, she would like to Not Be On Them (fuck you dad) but also understands that danger of quitting cold turkey something you have been taking for years and would like a professional opinion on how to safely decrease and eventually eliminate her usage, thanks (Klaus is hanging over her shoulder pointing out the ones who will sell you non-prescription drugs for a price and Vanya mentally crosses those ones off of her list to call)

Five is probably joining on the breaking and entering because Allison promised she would sweet talk to eye dude if he did her this solid 

(Five complains at length about how investigating the apocalypse should not be a solid because she would 100% die as well if the apocalypse came to pass)

[theshedding]

Lil Nas X: Country Music, Christianity & Reclaiming HELL

I don’t typically bother myself to follow what Lil Nas X is doing from day to day, or even month to month but I do know that his “Old Town Road” hit became one of the biggest selling/streamed records in Country Music Business history (by a Black Country & Queer artist). “Black” is key because for 75+ years Country music has unsuspiciously evolved into a solidly White-identified genre (despite mixed and Indian & Black roots). Regrettably, Country music is also widely known for anti-black, misogynoir, reliably homophobic (Trans isn’t really a conversation yet), Christian and Hard Right sentiments on the political spectrum. Some other day I will venture into more; there is a whole analysis dying to be done on this exclusive practice in the music industry with its implications on ‘access’ to equity and opportunity for both Black/POC’s and Whites artists/songwriters alike. More commentary on this rigid homogeneous field is needed and how it prohibits certain talent(s) for the sake of perpetuating homogeneity (e.g. “social determinants” of diversity & viable artistic careers). I’ll refrain from discussing that fully here, though suffice it to say that for those reasons X’s “Old Town Road” was monumental and vindicating. 

As for Lil Nas X, I’m not particularly a big fan of his music; but I see him, what he’s doing, his impact on music + culture and I celebrate him using these moments to affirm his Black, Queer self, and lifting up others. Believe it or not, even in the 2020′s, being “out” in the music business is still a costly choice. As an artist it remains much easier to just “play straight”. And despite appearances, the business (particularly Country) has been dragged kicking and screaming into developing, promoting and advancing openly-affirming LGBTQ 🏳️‍🌈 artists in the board room or on-stage. Though things are ‘better’ we have not yet arrived at a place of equity or opportunity for queer artists; for the road of music biz history is littered with stunted careers, bodies and limitations on artists who had no option but to follow conventional ways, fail or never be heard of in the first place. With few exceptions, record labels, radio and press/media have successfully used fear, intimidation, innuendo and coercion to dilute, downplay or erase any hint of queer identity from its performers. This was true even for obvious talents like Little Richard.

(Note: I’m particularly speaking of artists in this regard, not so much the hairstylists, make-up artists, PA’s, etc.)

_____

Which is why...in regard to Lil Nas X, whether you like, hate or love his music, the young brother is a trailblazer. His very existence protests (at least) decades of inequity, oppression and erasure. X aptly critiques a Neo-Christian Fascist Heteropatriarchy; not just in American society but throughout the Music Business and with Black people. That is no small deal. His unapologetic outness holds a mirror up to Christianity at-large, as an institution, theology and practice. The problem is they just don’t like what they see in that mirror.

In actuality, “Call Me By Your Name”, Lil Nas X’s new video, is a twist on classic mythology and religious memes that are less reprehensible or vulgar than the Biblical narratives most of us grew up on vís-a-vís indoctrinating smiles of Sunday school teachers and family prior to the “age of reason”. Think about the narratives blithely describing Satan’s friendly wager with God regarding Job (42:1-6); the horrific “prophecies” in St. John’s Book of Revelation (i.e. skies will rain fire, angels will spit swords, mankind will be forced to retreat into caves for shelter, and we will be harassed by at least three terrifying dragons and beasts. Angels will sound seven trumpets of warning, and later on, seven plagues will be dumped on the world), or Jesus’s own clarifying words of violent intent in Matthew (re: “Do not think that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I have not come to bring peace, but a sword.” 10:34). Whether literal or metaphor, these age old stories pale in comparison to a three minute allegorical rap video. Conservatives: say what you will, I’m pretty confident X doesn’t take himself as seriously as “The true and living God” from the book of Job.

A little known fact as it is, people have debunked the story and evolution of Satan and already offered compelling research showing [he] is more of a literary device than an actual entity or “spirit” (Spoiler: In the Bible, Satan does not take shape as an actual “bad” person until the New Testament). In fact, modern Christianity’s impression of the “Devil” is shaped by conflating Hellenized mythology with a literary tradition rooted in Dante’s Inferno and accompanying spooks and superstitions going back thousands of years. Whether Catholic, Protestant, Mormon, Scientologist, Atheist or Agnostic, we’ve spent a lifetime with these predominant icons and clichés. (Resource: Prof. Bart D. Erhman, “Heaven & Hell”).

So Here’s THE PROBLEM: The current level of fear and outrage is: 

(1) Unjust, imposing and irrational. 

(2) Disproportionate when taken into account a lifetime of harmful Christian propaganda, anti-gay preaching and political advocacy.

(3) Historically inaccurate concerning the existence of “Hell” and who should be scared of going there. 

Think I’m overreacting? 

Examples: 

Institutionalized Homophobia (rhetoric + policy)

Anti-Gay Ministers In Life And Death: Bishop Eddie Long And Rev. Bernice King

Black, gay and Christian, Marylanders struggle with Conflicts

Harlem pastor: 'Obama has released the homo demons on the black man'

Joel Olsteen: Homosexuality is “Not God’s Best”

Bishop Brandon Porter: Gays “Perverted & Lost...The Church of God in Christ Convocation appears like a ‘coming out party’ for members of the gay community.”

Kim Burrell: “That perverted homosexual spirit is a spirit of delusion & confusion and has deceived many men & women, and it has caused a strain on the body of Christ”

Falwell Suggests Gays to Blame for 9-11 Attacks

Pope Francis Blames The Devil For Sexual Abuse By Catholic Church

Pope Francis: Gay People Not Welcome in Clergy

Pope Francis Blames The Devil For Sexual Abuse By Catholic Church

The Pope and Gay People: Nothing’s Changed

The Catholic church silently lobbied against a suicide prevention hotline in the US because it included LGBT resources

Mormon church prohibits Children of LGBT parents to be baptized

Catholic Charity Ends Adoptions Rather Than Place Kid With Same-Sex Couple

I Was a Religious Zealot That Hurt People-Coming Out as Gay: A Former Conversion Therapy Leader Is Apologizing to the LGBTQ Community

The above short list chronicles a consistent, literal, demonization of LGBTQ people, contempt for their gender presentation, objectification of their bodies/sexuality and a coordinated pollution of media and culture over the last 50+ years by clergy since integration and Civil Rights legislation. Basically terrorism. Popes, Bishops, Pastors, Evangelists, Politicians, Television hosts, US Presidents, Camp Leaders, Teachers, Singers & Entertainers, Coaches, Athletes and Christians of all types all around the world have confused and confounded these issues, suppressed dissent, and confidently lied about LGBT people-including fellow Queer Christians with impunity for generations (i.e. “thou shall not bear false witness against they neighbor” Ex. 23:1-3). Christian majority viewpoints about “laws” and “nature” have run the table in discussions about LGBTQ people in society-so much that we collectively must first consider their religious views in all discussions and the specter of Christian approval -at best or Christian condescension -at worst. That is Christian (and straight) privilege. People are tired of this undue deference to religious opinions. 

That is what is so deliciously bothersome about Lil Nas X being loud, proud and “in your face” about his sexuality. If for just a moment, he not only disrupts the American hetero-patriarchy but specifically the Black hetero-patriarchy, the so-called “Black Church Industrial Complex”, Neo-Christian Fascism and a mostly uneducated (and/or miseducated) public concerning Ancient Near East and European history, superstitions-and (by extension) White Supremacy. To round up: people are losing their minds because the victim decided to speak out against his victimizer. 

Additionally, on some level I believe people are mad at him being just twenty years old, out and FREE as a self-assured, affirming & affirmed QUEER Black male entertainer with money and fame in the PRIME of his life. We’ve never, or rarely, seen that before in a Black man in the music business and popular culture. But that’s just too bad for them. With my own eyes I’ve watched straight people, friends, Christians, enjoy their sexuality from their elementary youth to adolescence, up and through college and later marriages, often times independently of their spouses (repeatedly). Meanwhile Queer/Gay/SGL/LGBTQ people are expected to put their lives on hold while the ‘blessed’ straight people run around exploring premarital/post-marital/extra-marital sex, love and affection, unbound & un-convicted by their “sin” or God...only to proudly rebrand themselves later in life as a good, moral “wholesome Christian” via the ‘sacred’ institution of marriage with no questions asked. 

Inequality defined.

For Lil Nas X, everything about the society we've created for him in the last 100+ years (re: links above) has explicitly been designed for his life not to be his own. According to these and other Christians (see above), his identity is essentially supposed to be an endless rat fuck of internal confusion, suicide-ideation, depression, long-suffering, faux masculinity, heterosexism, groveling towards heaven, respectability politics, failed prayer and supplication to a heteronormative earthly and celestial hierarchy unbothered in affording LGBT people like him a healthy, sane human development. It’s almost as if the Conservative establishment (Black included) needs Lil Nas X to be like others before him: “private”, mysteriously single, suicidal, suspiciously straight or worse, dead of HIV/AIDS ...anything but driving down the street enjoying his youth as a Black Queer artist and man. So they mad about that?

Well those days are over.  

-Rogiérs is a writer, international recording artist, performer and indie label manager with 25+ years in the music industry. He also directs Black Nonbelievers of DC, a non-profit org affiliated with the AHA supporting Black skeptics, Atheists, Agnostics & Humanists. He holds a B.A. in Music Business & Mgmt and a M.A. in Global Entertainment & Music Business from Berklee College of Music and Berklee Valencia, Spain. www.FibbyMusic.net Twitter/IG: @Rogiers1

[the1stn0elle]

Parasyte -The Maxim- Analysis

Summary:

When parasitic alien-like creatures descend from the sky on a dark and silent night, they come along with a bloodlust for human flesh. In order for these parasites to survive, they must invade and take over a human host. Unfortunate high school student Shinichi Izumi has a frighting encounter with the largely unknown parasites lurking in the darkness, and he almost becomes completely taken over by a parasite. Despite Shinichi’s brain not being taken over by the parasite, it has managed to find a home within his right hand and is soon after given the name Migi (right). Parasyte tells the story of a world that is slowly being taken over by alien-like creatures as the parasites can take on human forms and can almost seamlessly live amongst humans. The duality of humans and parasites is expanded on by Shinichi’s character as he is living as both a human and a parasite.

Analysis:

Defining Humanity

Parasyte brings up one major question that the viewers must try to grasp in the duration of the show, “What does it mean to be human?”. Defining humanity is a difficult thing to do mostly because of the subjectiveness of the term, it can hold a plethora of meanings depending on the individual that is assessing it. When Shinichi becomes the partial host for the parasite Migi, his whole life is flipped around as he is forced to share his body with another living organism that understands nothing about humans. Migi’s lack of compassion or “human” emotions leads Shinichi to strongly dislike him as he only uses stone-cold logic when assessing any given situation. In the series, humanity is although, subjective, takes a more concrete form through the progression of the show. One’s humanity can essentially be chalked up to the dynamic emotions that are associated with humans. Shinichi in his current situation is technically living as both a human and a parasite and is continuously asked “what does it mean to be human?” and “what makes humans special?”

Shinichi’s struggle in being both human and parasite comes with having to question what makes parasites and humans so different? We as humans prey on other animals to survive, some kill their own kind, and many humans commit many terrible crimes, but who is anyone to call the parasites monsters when humans themselves never fail to embody the characteristics of monsters themselves? Parasites only take over the brains of humans so they may be given the chance of survival, shouldn’t any living creature be given a chance at life? If not, who are we to decide? The idea is highlighted in a comment made by Migi “If you have the right to live, so do we, granted I believe rights are a concept unique to the human species.”. Migi also discusses the concept of demons and their relatedness between humans “Upon researching the concept of demons, I believe that, among all life, humans are the closest thing to it. Although humans kill and eat a wide variety of life forms, my kind eat merely one or two kinds at most. We are quite frugal in comparison.” if Migi, a parasite who landed on earth knowing nothing about its existence or the world is able to conclude that humans share numerous qualities with demons, couldn’t the same be made by other humans if we all took a step back to see the full picture? There is another question of if humans are possibly worse than parasites; due to the complex emotional intelligence of humans, we can use these emotions for self-gain and can exploit others because of the very existence of human emotions and how they can make us just as vulnerable and weak as they can make us strong.

Losing One’s Humanity

One of the most important plot points in Parasyte is when Shinichi is on the verge of death after he is stabbed in the heart by a parasite that has taken over the body of his mother. As a solution to the problem, Migi decides to combine his cells with Shinichi’s to keep him alive, Migi explains his reason for doing this was that if Shinichi were to die, Migi would die as well since he’d be without a host to sustain his life. The event marks Shinichi’s gradual loss of humanity; he ultimately loses his ability to cry or even outwardly express the prized emotions that make an individual human. Shinichi originally hated Migi due to his lack of love, compassion, or understanding, but now Shinichi is finding himself in the same situation. The struggle Shinichi faces is truly heartbreaking to watch as we see him struggle to a point where it causes physical pain as he isn’t able to express sadness. He begins to adopt the same cold logic previously belonging to Migi and he’s distraught when he knows what he should be feeling but simply isn’t; Shinichi all but loses the altruistic characteristic humans are known to possess. We also see Migi start to show more human emotions as he gradually begins to consider Shinichi a friend and not just a host needed as a means for survival.

Redefining Humanity

Parasyte is bursting with the discussion of ethics and uses Shinichi and Migi to showcase the two ends of the spectrum to decide what is “right” and “wrong”. As the story progresses Shinichi becomes desensitized to killing other parasites as he views them as monsters. Reiko Tamura, one of Shinichi’s high school teachers, flips the belief on its head in a scene crucial to the plot and Shinichi’s regained humanity. Once obtaining a host, Reiko had a plan to bear a child as an experiment to see how the child would develop, but during the last half of the show, it is easy to take note that Reiko does in fact care about her child and even gives her life to protect her baby. Shinichi, who is around to witness the series of events notices the unusual emotions Reiko is showing to her child. It becomes apparent that she has attained some of the emotions once thought to only be possessed by humans. The event brings rise to the question of “is there really a difference between humans and parasites?” the once major distinction was the inability of the parasites to express love or empathy, but Reiko’s character completely proves this incorrect. After witnessing the death of Reiko, Shinichi can finally shed tears for the first time since fusing with Migi and is able to once again grasp his humanity.

What makes Humans Special?

In the final battle of Parasyte between Shinichi and Gotou, a highly dangerous parasite that is a major threat to humanity, Shinichi can accept the weaknesses that come along with being human and having the ability to feel complex and dynamic emotions. The fight between Shinichi and Gotou is gruesome and intense and depicts Shinichi, a man who is lacking in physical strength but is overflowing with emotions fighting against Gotou, a parasite who showcases exemplary physical prowess while lacking emotions giving a battle of human versus nature. Once Gotou is finally standing with his last bit of strength and on the verge of death, Shinichi at first decides to let nature decide the fate of Gotou and whether or not he should live or die. He decides this because he doesn’t want to “impose human values” onto an individual that is not human. Shinichi later concludes that Gotou is to die by his hand as it is the responsibility of humans and all other living species to fight for survival in the face of a predator. Shinichi kills Gotou with the prospect of protecting those dear to him from harm and succumbs to the selfishness of human nature.

[foxofthedesert]

So I just finished my 3rd watch thru of Merlin, and yet again am brokenhearted. Not only by Arthur's death and Merlin's grief, but by Morgana's tragic descent into madness. Though I loathed the choice, I always understood why the writers went the direction they did with Morgana. What I did not understand was the way they handled her relationship with Gwen. It just never made any sense to me that Morgana could be so cruel to someone she clearly loved very deeply - even if only in the platonic sense. To me, it seemed like the Morgana that existed at the end of season 2 was replaced by a totally different, inexplicably cruel and insufferably smirky one by the start of season 3.

Still, prophecies need fulfilled and such, and after all it is a fantasy series based on a complicated mythology where Morgana sometimes is portrayed as evil. I just wish it was handled better.

Be that as it may, as a writer I tend to gravitate toward the untold stories within canon. That being the case, Gwen and Morgana's relationship is a natural attraction. I adore their chemistry, which makes them so easy to pair up. Since I am also not necessarily beholden to canon, that means I can imagine whatever the hell I want for them. Such an AU where their potential is realized before Morgause enters the picture to warp Morgana into her father's daughter.

This little piece is part of that. I may or may not add more entries in the future.

As a side note, this was initially supposed to be much shorter, but my fingers wouldn't stop typing words. Silly digits.

Ficlet below the line!

Morgana awoke giggling in an entirely unrefined manner. Her uncharacteristic bubbly mirth, she discovered, was due to a gentle tickling sensation all across her face. Once the wispy haze of sleep was blinked out of her blurry eyes, a familiar shape resolved into an entirely too handsome face wearing such a love-sick expression that her chest reflexively suffused with an affectionate warmth that quickly seeped into her very bones.

“What time is it?” she asked to the person hovering above her, voice still gravelly and slightly slurred from having been roused out of such a deep, blessedly dreamless repose. The pleasant tickling sensation began anew immediately after her half-slurred inquiry, and when she lifted her gaze she was greeted by rich brown eyes she would swear on her life she could live and die in.

“Just after dawn.” The utterly enchanting creature paying her such lovely attention continued to delicately and reverently brush calloused fingertips across the expanse of her jaw. “Sorry I woke you. I meant to let you sleep in a bit longer, I just really couldn’t help myself.”

A pause allowed a full, dusky lip to be pulled rather invitingly between pearly white teeth before her beloved added, “It seems I never can where you are concerned.”

Morgana smiled. A genuine smile, too. Nothing like the false ones she graced her guardian with, full of barely suppressed loathing and rage. Lately she had been consumed by disgust for the man who so many times proclaimed to cherish her, a man who would see her burnt at the stake if he knew who she truly was. Uther Pendragon claimed to be a fair and just king, yet he waged unlawful wars against territories that dared stand up against his brutish rule and relentlessly persecuted innocents whose only crime was to be born different. People like her. People with magic.

Coming to terms with her gifts had cost Morgana both countless nights spent in wakeful torment over horrific visions that plagued her dreams and untold days spent wrestling with throat-clogging anxiety over the possibility of discovery. There were many occasions during that frightening period in which she felt as though tottering precariously over a dark, abyssal chasm at the bottom of which lie only inescapable madness. Every second spent at court was an exhausting exercise in choking down a nauseating terror of the tyrant who held the power of life and death over her and would surely decide upon the latter should he learn the truth about her magic. Meals were a unique form of torture due to the perpetual knot residing in her stomach and every event she would normally revel in was transformed into a dreaded affair during which she could scarcely breathe for the crushing weight resting upon her chest.

Frankly, if it hadn’t been for Guinevere and Merlin she is sure she would have already plummeted headlong into those foreboding depths, right into the waiting arms of a hatred no human heart could withstand without incurring irreparable damage.

If Merlin hadn’t told her the truth about his magic as he lead her to Aglain’s druid camp, the pervasive sense of isolation and desperation worming insidiously through her mind would have inevitably forced her into drastic choices. Even before her magic manifested she had silently nursed treasonous thoughts toward Camelot’s cruel monarch. What might she have done if the walls closed in so tightly on her she felt there was no avenue of escape outside of acting upon those unsavory impulses? It hardly bears thinking about for risk of inviting such evil desires back in to her heart when of all her attributes, it is her heart which makes her most special – or at least that is what Guinevere insists to be the case.

Thankfully, finding a steadfast friend and ally in Merlin had done much to ameliorate the suffocating feeling of helplessness she felt as a member of the court harboring so deadly a secret. With much diligence and patience he was teaching her to control her powers, to harness them for good, and to have faith that better days were ahead for their kind. It was also mostly due to the Merlin’s deceptive wisdom and boundless optimism – and to be fair what reasonable person could resist that impish, dimpled smile? – that she began to view Arthur through a fresh lens.

If she bothered to look deeply, as Merlin insisted, to ignore the chauvinistic bravado and infuriating superiority complex, it was not difficult to recognize Arthur’s innate nobility and compassion that existed despite his monstrous father. And seeing as Merlin was as stubborn as he was convincing, it did not take long for Morgana to accept with a cautiously hopeful heart that with the aid of loyal friends, Arthur had it in him to become to the greatest sovereign Camelot had ever seen, a king who might actually prove himself worthy of the people both common and magical to whom he would be sworn to serve. Of course, she and Arthur still had their mundane squabbles and butted heads frequently over political and legal matters, but in the months since Merlin began her training, Morgana had acquired a new appreciation for the young man who was to her as good as a sibling.

As much as Merlin had done for her, however, it paled in comparison to Gwen’s contributions to her health and happiness.

For as long as Morgana had known Gwen she had held the blacksmith’s daughter in esteem far higher than any Lady should their maidservant. What started out as mutual respect born from shared grief over the loss of a parent soon flowered into genuine friendship. For many years they were the best of friends, each providing for the other a refuge from the storms of life and a confidante more reliable and wise and loyal than could be hired with all of Midas’ gold.

By the time Morgana entered womanhood, her fondness for Gwen had only swelled to become boundless as it was profound. In her eyes, Gwen was the most wonderful person in all the world; none could hope to be her equal in breathtaking beauty, charitable kindness, seemingly endless stores of patience, altogether praiseworthy meekness, a silent strength surpassing steel, or in nearly saintly levels of graciousness. Gwen was the unfailing light to Morgana’s rapidly encroaching darkness, the quickening sun to her deathly pale moon, the Aurora to her Luna. She neither trusted any more deeply as she did Gwen, nor did she desire the company of another so keenly. As a result, they were rarely parted until retiring for bed, and then only by necessity of station. So inextricably attached were they Gwen’s friends often jested that she must have accidentally stitched herself to her lady’s garments at the hip. The noblewomen were not nearly so kind. Some of the more prominent Ladies in the castle questioned the innocence of their arrangement, going so far as to exchange idle speculation which painted them as clandestine devotees of Sappho.

If Morgana could be bothered to care about the rumors, she would have confronted the useless busybodies long ago. But quite frankly, their opinions on her relationship with Gwen mattered for naught seeing as Arthur dismissed them as absurd upon reaching his ears and, beyond even that, Morgana would rather die than provide the snide gossipers ammunition that might serve as tacit confirmation that their unwelcome conjecture was not without merit – which was in fact the case.

All the same, though, she took great pains to prevent them from reaching the ears of the king. Uther already disapproved of their unusual bond and reminded her of such every time she treated Gwen with an ounce of basic human dignity while in his presence. Rather than censure the prejudice as she might have no long ago, Morgana now bore the chastisement with pride. Were it required, she would gladly wear forty stripes upon her skin if that be the price of Gwen’s love. The haughty bigotry of her guardian could never dissuade her from the path her heart had chosen to travel. Gwen was far too precious to ever surrender without a fight, to death if she must.

For what felt like ages, Morgana had believed her feelings would never be reciprocated. And that was perfectly acceptable to her, so long as Gwen remained an integral part of her life. The constant yearning that caused her chest to ache, sometimes almost painfully, was something she could endure so long as Gwen was happy.

That perspective radically transformed the night Gwen’s father died.

The midnight bells sounded in the citadel as Morgana slipped out into the upper town. Her intentions were pure at the time. She had only meant to visit her friend and offer what support she could, no matter the reckless impropriety of her visiting the her maidservant’s home so late at night. Instead, one glimpse of Gwen’s devastation over the pointless tragedy reignited her rage. All too quickly it boiled over, allowing those old, bitter feelings to spill out as impetuous threats of vengeance, and not only on Gwen’s behalf but for all those wronged by the merciless hand of Uther Pendragon. For what felt like hours she railed, heedless of the effect her malicious speech was having on the distraught girl she was supposed to be comforting.

It was only when Gwen – sweet Gwen, kind and thoughtful and selfless to a fault – had been pushed to her limits that Morgana’s perilous vitriol was interrupted.

Casting aside station, Gwen grasped her by the face and made her swear to never utter such dangerous words again.

“My brother has already abandoned me and now both my parents are dead,” Gwen had said, lips quivering and cheeks stained by tears. “I can’t lose you, too. I can’t. I won’t survive it.”

“Of course you would, Gwen. You’re the strongest person I know,” Morgana had replied, grasping reflexively at lean wrists, Gwen’s hands having migrated to the back of Morgana’s neck, thumbs cupped round the front of her ears. It was the first time she had been embraced so intimately, and if it weren’t for her anger she most certainly would have shivered with excitement at the surprisingly welcome contact.

“I’m not,” Gwen had half-sobbed, voice hoarse from hours surrendered to grief. “I’m only standing at all right now because the person I love most in all the world is here with me.”

Morgana hadn’t understood the nature of that declaration at first. Not until Gwen tucked her lip between her teeth, her nostrils flared with what could not be misinterpreted as anything but raw want, and her eyes went impossibly dark. A sharp gasp of realization was all Morgana could manage as a response, so stunned was she that her most secretive and treasured wish was being fulfilled.

But when Gwen nodded, chest heaving with emotion, despair and fear warring with adoration in her eyes, Morgana could no longer contain herself. Suddenly all the pieces of the puzzle fused together, revealing the explanation as to why a simple smile from Gwen was able to chase away the storm clouds gathering above her head, or why Gwen’s chiming laughter kicked up butterflies in her stomach and a captivating warmth in her chest, or why even the most airy of touches from Gwen left a wake of goose-flesh in her skin. It wasn’t just love. It was destiny.

In retrospect, Morgana probably should have been as if not more terrified of crossing that final, socially forbidden line between mistress and servant, friend and lover, than she was of being magical. The thing of it was, the only relevant factors in that moment was Gwen willingly offering of herself more than she probably should and Morgana being selfish enough to accept.

They made love that night beneath Gwen’s threadbare sheets, and it was glorious, just as Morgana had imagined it would be.

All of their sorrows and anxieties and animosities drifted away like dandelion seeds upon a crisp summer breeze. Cliches regarding such unions suddenly made sense. Somewhere along the journey that began by laving the stiffened peak of a pert breast then languidly progressed into nestling her face into the delicate, aromatic flower situated between smooth bronze legs, she lost all sense of self. It was as if with each bruising kiss, playful nibble, and greedy draw with open mouth, she and Gwen were merging into one being. Gwen’s throaty noises and keening pleas reverberated through her every muscle fiber, down even into the very marrow of her bones. Gwen’s intoxicating flavor permeated her senses until it was all she could taste or smell. And Gwen’s gratification became hers as her hand slipped beneath her ridiculously extravagant undergarments to relieve the desperate pressure upon a mound so slick with arousal that the sound of her feverish rubbing was positively obscene.

Mere heartbeats after Gwen went taut with a silent scream, stars exploded behind Morgana’s eyes as the most exquisite mixture of pleasure and pain engulfed her mind and set her nether regions aflame. Spent and unable to control her trembling limbs, she collapsed across Gwen’s heaving chest. Strong arms immediately wrapped around underneath her arms to pull her in tight, and as she buried her nose in the damp curls at Gwen’s neck, all she could do was weep, utterly overcome by an unspeakable joy she understood without needing to ask was fully mutual. They fell asleep like that, Morgana stretched across Gwen, encased in an embrace that felt like a subconscious announcement of a claim upon her, heart and soul and body, something she not only welcomed but reveled in.

Wonderful thoughts about publicly belonging to Gwen lulled Morgana into a peaceful sleep that went markedly undisturbed.

In the pale light of morning she was still so drunken upon pure, heady, all consuming bliss to realize she would be missed if she did make an appearance in the castle. Had Gwen not pointed that out, she would have been more than glad to spend the entire day wrapped around her new lover, discovering every last spot that made Gwen’s toes curl ‘til the girl was too exhausted to move the tiniest muscle.

Alas, the constraints of reality marshaled both of them to action, and so once they had dressed, they sneaked carefully into the castle by auxiliary corridors during the changing of the guard. By only the slimmest of margins, they slipped into her chambers just as the fresh patrol rounded the corner in their direction. Once inside, the thrill of the close call and euphoria over their consummated love invigorated Morgana into a passion she could not ignore. Overcome by a need – more like an almost maddening hunger really – to touch, smell, and taste every delicious inch of the skin she had feasted upon last night, she unceremoniously dragged a breathless, ruddy cheeked Gwen straight over to her bed.

After that thorough christening, they lingered together in a tangle of limbs, both sated and happy. At least until the sound of Camelot’s awakening resounded through the chambers from the courtyard below and with it the first doubts crept in. Morgana could recall the subsequent conversation as though it had just happened.

***************

“I should see to my duties directly,” Gwen had said, immediately rustling to exit the bed upon hearing Arthur’s booming voice rattle down the hallway, clearly a response to the latest in an endless string of mistakes by his loyal yet tragically clumsy manservant.

Morgana hadn’t wanted to turn loose quite yet, so she tightened hold around Gwen’s waist, halting the undesired escape.

“They can wait,” she replied between leisurely kisses trailed up a shapely arm. “The laundry isn’t going anywhere, nor is the evening gown that needs mending. Stay with me a while longer.” She paused to nuzzle into Gwen’s shoulder. “Stay with me forever.”

Rather than struggle, Gwen melted the embrace. “You know that is all I wish for. I love you, Morgana. More than anything. But…”

“But what?”

“What if someone catches us?”

Morgana scoffed, having missed the long term nature of the question in addition to the concern pouring off of Gwen in waves she should not have missed. It was not her finest moment. She hadn’t meant to be insensitive, though. The idea had just seemed so preposterous at the time because she had thought Gwen was only speaking about the present.

“Who would be so bold as to enter my chambers without permission?” she had said. “Not even Uther at his most disrespectful would dare venture such a trespass. We are entirely safe here. No need to worry your pretty head.”

Gwen shifted in Morgana’s arms then so that they were face to face. “I do, though. Worry that is. And I have to ask: why aren’t you?”

“Why should I be? For that matter why should you be?” Morgana replied. And then she met Gwen’s eyes. Large, and impossibly dark, and unmistakably upset.

All of the sudden it was impossible for Morgana to ignore how frightened Gwen really was. In response, her stomach twisted almost painfully and her heart fell as the happy bubble she had been floating in abruptly burst.

What in all the world, she wondered in a moment of regrettable obliviousness, had Gwen afraid of them being caught? Her brow furrowed as deeply as it ever had as she mulled around potential causes.

Certainly they were going to have to be careful in the future to avoid exposure, she reckoned, but Gwen was as fully cognizant that there were more perilous secrets both were currently keeping. Morgana’s ability to pull the wool over Uther’s eyes was well established, and no one else besides the two of them had unfettered access to her chambers. Besides all that, Morgana knew every nook and cranny of the citadel and was able to slip out and into the upper town undetected at will, of which Gwen was also very well aware. So there had to be more to it. But what?

Only one other possibility occurred to her, and it was the one she least wanted to entertain. And yet...

“Unless you regret what has transpired between us?” she asked at length, unable to disguise her own fear, which manifested through a faint trembling in her voice. “No!” Shaking her head fervently, Gwen grasped Morgana’s face much as she did the night before. “Not even for a second. I’ve lost so much, and I have much to regret, but not this. This is the best thing to ever happen to me. I just…”

Again Gwen trailed off, her hands retreating to clasp together against her mouth. And although Morgana’s anxiety had quieted with Gwen’s reassurance, there was clearly something still bothering her.

“Just what?” Morgana prompted, then reached out to stroke Gwen’s hair. “I hate seeing you so twisted up. Tell me. Please.”

A single, contrite nibble of a kiss-stung lip later, Gwen averted her eyes and gave her answer, “Don’t you wonder, even just for a second in the back of your mind, if what we did was wrong?”

Morgana very nearly sighed in relief. This was a problem she could easily remedy, as it was a one she had wrestled with for years only for Merlin’s simple yet profound worldview to unexpectedly resolve.

During the incident where Gwen was accused of using sorcery to heal her father, he had stumbled upon Morgana beside herself after a visit to Gwen’s cell. In her anxiety and grief she had confessed to having feelings for her handmaiden that although unseemly nonetheless had taken hold of her. Where she had expected disgust, she was instead given only understanding and compassion. In that endearingly provincial way of his, Merlin ensured her that love – if true and pure and unselfish, which he insisted hers for Gwen surely was – could never be wrong.

Morgana had felt something turn loose inside her at Merlin’s easy acceptance, as if her heart had been tied into a knot being slowly and perpetually tightened. Breathing became a relief once again. And as she learned to accept herself the way Merlin did, she began to hope that perhaps one day in the future a door would open for her to act upon her feelings without destroying what she and Gwen already shared. She could not have anticipated Tom’s death being the impetus for her to do so. Yet as awful as his tragic death was, it birthed something so infinitely precious that Morgana would never cease being grateful. And if only for the memory of that kind, thoughtful, patient man, she would never stop fighting for the love she shared with her beloved Guinevere.

“Gwen,” she had said, unsuccessfully vying for her conflicted love’s attention. Twice more she called Gwen’s name, and after receiving no response pushed up slightly on her elbow. “Look at me, Guinevere.” When large, uncertain eyes, brimming with tears, met hers, she leaned over so that she could press her forehead against Gwen’s. “We have done nothing wrong. Do you hear me? If you trust me, if you love me as you assert to, believe me when I say this. Something so wonderful and beautiful and perfect could never be anything less than rightly divine.”

***************

That phrase that swiftly became Morgana’s favorite answer to Gwen’s occasional concerns. The world at large, and most definitely those housed within the vaunted halls of Camelot’s citadel, would most certainly view their relationship as wicked and immoral and perverse. If that was indeed the case, Morgana did not believe she ever wanted to be either innocent or righteous. Their love was wonderful, and beautiful, and perfectly divine; an immutable fact which Morgana was determined to never allow either of them to forget.

No doubt lurked within Gwen’s eyes this morning, however, only unadulterated affection. And that made Morgana exceedingly joyful indeed.

“I understand what you mean,” Morgana at last said after escaping that precious memory. She sighed contentedly and shuttered her eyelids as yet another reverent brush of fingers smoothed along the crest of her chin. And while the diligent attention felt incredible, she grew increasingly curious why Gwen’s focus appeared to have narrowly fixated on that one specific region of her face.

“What’s the matter?” Gwen said after a bit of easy silence.

“What makes you think something’s the matter?” Morgana replied, still basking in the glow of Gwen’s magical touch.

“You have that telltale crease between your brow which means something is bothering you.”

This time Morgana opened her eyes. “I’m not bothered, merely at a loss as to why you suddenly find my chin so hypnotizing.”

Gwen sucked at her lip momentarily as if weighing whether to answer before a crooked smile bloomed across her handsome features.

“Well, not just your chin, but if you must know it’s all these little hairs…” And then she stroked Morgana’s chin again, this time allowing her fingers to feather over said hairs all the way down her jawline.

“Are you saying my face is hairy, Gwen?” Morgana asked, frowning as a thread of hurt pulled taut.

As should be obvious, she didn’t appreciate it pointed out that her alabaster skin failed to conceal what otherwise would have been a nearly invisible coat of fine hairs that covered all humans male and female alike. Arthur teased her about it relentlessly when she was a blossoming teenager, and even now some of the noble ladies who envied her would snidely comment upon how it clearly indicated that she was a witch destined for a life of barren unhappiness.

Up til now, Gwen had made no mention of that peculiar feature and Morgana would be lying if she claimed she wasn’t wounded that it would be brought up only now that they were in an intimate situation.

“No!” Gwen’s eyes went wide as the full moon. “No, not at all! I mean...well, yes, it sort of is.” A huffed breath of remorse followed Morgana’s gasp of offense. “Not that it’s a bad thing! I swear I meant no insult. I have some too, after all. It’s just less visible because of my skin tone probably. And don’t worry! It’s nothing like Lady Johanna’s fledgling beard. Not even close. On the contrary, they’re so tiny and delicate and wispy and soft, and I really am utterly obsessed with them because they are part of you and you are perfect, so they are also perfect by extension, and I just can’t get over how adorable they are, and I am currently babbling like a lunatic with zero manners. I am so sorry, milady.”

At the end of that adorable ramble, Gwen’s shoulders hunched in as her cheeks darkened and she yet again sucked her bottom lip between her teeth. Any insult Morgana felt evaporated as quickly as it formed. How could she be upset with such an enchanting creature?

Reaching across Gwen’s waist, she pulled her abashed lover down until they were flush, skin to skin from shoulders to hips.

“Oh, Gwen, there is nothing to be sorry for,” she said, legs instinctively parting as Gwen’s familiar weight settled against her. “My reaction is habit, I’m afraid, due to Arthur’s derisive mocking. It’s actually quite nice to hear a compliment for a change.”

“Are you sure you’re not cross with me? I’d understand if you were…”

No one with a functioning soul could be cross with those doe eyes staring at them, Morgana decided. She danced her fingers with lighthearted mirth across Gwen’s cheeks and over the ridge of her nose.

“Nonsense, sweetling. It’s no different than me admiring your freckles.”

Gwen’s features relaxed into a flattered smile. “You like my freckles?”

“Like them? I love them! How could I not? It’s like you said, they are a part of you, and you are perfect, therefore they are perfect by extension.”

In response, Gwen gave her an appreciative little smile before arresting her hand to place a kiss upon the inside of her wrist.

“So you won’t mind to be awakened like that again should I fail to curb my weird fascination?”

“Only if you won’t should I wake you by mapping the stars written across your cheeks,” Morgana said, then returned Gwen’s tactile affection with some of her own by again acting out her words with her own fingers. She was pleased when Gwen leaned in to the touch.

“I promise I won’t. I think I’d quite fancy that, actually.”

“Then I promise, too. And if you’re a good girl today, perhaps I will indulge your fancy tomorrow morning.”

“Well, then, I’d better get to work, hadn’t I?”

Eyes flashing with eager anticipation, Gwen threw the covers aside and made to get out of bed – a development Morgana was not prepared to authorize. Not only was she of a mind to lounge abed and cuddle away another hour or two, all of Camelot was blanketed in snow and she was loathe to be deprived of Gwen’s heavenly body...heat.

“Now, now,” Morgana tugged at Gwen, almost desperate with a need to curl right back into Gwen’s warmth and never move again while hoping she sounded at least somewhat the dignified noblewoman she was supposed to be. “Don’t be so hasty. Have you forgotten yourself and your duties to your lady? I haven’t yet had my good morning kiss.”

Gwen tumbled back into bed giggling merrily. “For shame! I have failed my lady most unforgivably. I shall rectify the trespass immediately.”

“See that you do, Guinevere, and promptly,” Morgana said, her eyes twinkling as her own merriment curved her lips into a smile. “As you know, your lady does not appreciate being made to wait.”

After a deliberately silly half-curtsy, Gwen draped herself across Morgana’s body, and once settled whispered her reply against Morgana’s already tingling lips.

“My lady’s wish is my command.”

The brief peck that followed was not enough for Morgana. Fingers winding into dark curls, she pulled Gwen into a much more passionate kiss, which lead to another, and another, until the embrace quickly evolved into tangling tongues and undulating hips. Soon enough, Gwen’s head was disappearing beneath the sheets and Morgana was having to recall how to breathe due to the magnificently excruciating pleasure coursing through her loins.

And that was how she came to be late for her first appointment of the morning, where she was relentlessly lectured about the importance of punctuality over manchet, eggs, sausage, and apples sprinkled with cinnamon. It was worth it, though. Her giddy grin throughout breakfast only made Arthur more bewildered and Uther more angry.

[sad-sweet-cowboah]

My Little Secret part 12

Summary: With your finals behind you, Arthur says it’s time to meet the others. Before you do however, you get to meet someone from Arthur’s past...

Warnings: None this time, just some fluff.

Finals week arrived before you knew it. As much as you longed for summer vacation, you wished time moved slower. You studied every night, keeping yourself to your apartment and avoiding any distractions. You even postponed your dates with Arthur, reserving moments with him on breaks from work or just texting. Even with all the preparation in the world, finals were still as nerve wracking as they were back in high school.

Regardless you paced yourself and pushed through each and every one with focus and determination. The material was just as complex as it was at the beginning of the semester, and to walk out of the classrooms for that final time was such a relief off your shoulders.

Friday evening you were relaxing at home, enjoying a restful night after stressing for the past month. Sam invited you to come out for drinks with her, but you declined, not wanting to celebrate prematurely. Changing from your day clothes into a tank top and shorts, you settled onto the couch to watch TV.

Roughly an hour after sunset, your doorbell rang. While you weren’t expecting anyone, you had a feeling you already knew who it was. You strode across the living room, opening your door to be greeted by the sight of Arthur himself.

“Well, isn’t this a lovely surprise.” You said to him with a smile, stepping forward to wrap your arms around his neck.

He matched your smile and held your waist one-handed, greeting you with a sweet kiss. “Thought a congratulations in person sounded better than in a text.” he replied.

You released him, your eyes flicking to his other hand. He was holding a plastic bag with what looked like a container inside. A delicious smell hit your nose next, and you shifted your eyes back to him. “I only finished the finals, I don’t know if I passed them yet.” You reminded him.

“Knowin’ you, ya probably passed with flyin’ colors,” Arthur said. “’Sides, I needed an excuse to bring ya this.” He lifted the bag into your field of view.

“You could be here with nothing and I’d still be happy,” you giggled, and gestured for him to come in. “But I won’t turn down good food.”

He chuckled and stepped into your apartment. He set the bag on a table and upon inspection you found he brought you a quesadilla from the little restaurant you had your first date at. Oh the irony in that. You thanked him and settled back on the couch with him next to you and a heaping helping of the delightful dish. His arm wrapped around you and you snuggled into him, despite his cool temperature you were very comfortable in his embrace.

It remained quiet in between the two of you while you ate and watched a random TV movie . Once you were full and content, Arthur broke the silence.

“Don’t wanna ruin the good mood here, but I did wanna discuss somethin’ with ya.”

You were relaxing against him, and you moved your head to rest your chin on his chest to peer up at him. “What is it?”

“Wanted to wait a lil’ bit after your exams, but they’ve been impatient,” he sighed. “They wanna meet ya tomorrow.”

They. You know exactly who he was talking about. The other vampires that Arthur was employed by. He only mentioned it once or twice since the initial reveal, and you hadn’t expected to hear this news. Your heart immediately raced with anxiety, although you kept your face even. “Tomorrow?” you repeated. “Why?”

“Their rules,” he grumbled. “I tried to argue with ‘em, ‘least give ya a couple more days, but they won’t have it.”

You frowned at this, bringing your prior concerns to the forefront. “They’re…pushy…”

“Yeah, ‘m sorry,” he gave you an apologetic look. “I promise they ain’t as intimidatin’ as they sound.”

“I’m about to be introduced to a bunch of vampires when I’ve only had experience with two, and one tried to kill me.” You stated flatly.

Arthur winced at your reminder. “I know, but the reason why they exist is to prevent stuff like that from happenin’ on a daily basis. It’s why only some humans know of our existence, but they wanna keep tabs on those who do know.”

“Keep tabs?” you repeated. “Like…stalking?”

He shook his head immediately, frowning with realization as to how that sounded. “No, ain’t like that at all. It’s jus’ a way to make sure our secret don’t get passed along. They won’t hurt ya or nothin’.”

Despite Arthur’s assurance, you still felt a bubble of anxiety balloon in your stomach. After all, you were to face what you once thought was movie monsters. Strong beings that could and would have you for lunch in a heartbeat. You took a deep breath and said, “Promise?”

Arthur reached for your hand and held it, meeting your gaze with a smile. “I promise.”

You studied his face, noting the sincerity in his eyes. Hell, how could you not trust his sweet smile? It was enough to quell the roiling worry in the pit of your gut, at least for now. You scooted even closer, pulling yourself halfway into his lap and laid your lips softly against his. He responded almost instantly, his arms shifting to hold you better. It was a sweet and peaceful kiss, lasting for a short moment before he pulled away to lean back against the couch. His hands found yours and intertwined your fingers together. Bringing one up to his face, he placed a small peck on the inside of your wrist. It lurched your heart involuntarily, partly from excitement and partly from fear knowing what he was.

“I can hear your heart racin’.” he murmured.

You giggled in an attempt to calm yourself again. “It’s what you do to me.”

“Do I scare you?” He quietly asked.

“Sometimes,” you answered truthfully. “But that’s what makes it exciting.”

He gave a dejected snort, his expression turning solemn. “I know you’re nervous about this. You don’t have to be with me if it bothers ya that much.”

Confusion settled in. Your brow furrowed, staring at him with bewilderment. “Isn’t the entire point of this meeting to make sure I’m trustworthy?” You pointed out. “Think I have to commit.”

“You don’t have to do anything,” he responded. “I wish our relationship could be simple, but it ain’t. I don’t wanna push you into this if you don’t wanna be with me.”

“Arthur,” you spoke, pulling your hands from his to wrap your arms around his neck. “I want to be with you, therefore I have to do this. And you’re right, I’m nervous. Almost scared to death, but it’s like…meeting your significant other’s parents, don’t you think? Especially since one of them is your Maker.”

Arthur’s serious face broke as he snickered at your comparison. With a light shake of his head he replied with, “That’s one way to describe it.”

It was really your own effort into talking yourself down from being a trainwreck of anxiety come tomorrow night. However, your words seemed to shift Arthur’s perspective a little as well. His eyes seemed brighter, and the look of doubting seemed to disappear from his handsome face. You pulled yourself completely onto his lap to straddle him, and held his face between your hands.

“I’m determined to keep my vampire boyfriend,” You said sincerely, though you couldn’t keep your lip twitching in amusement from your own words. “So don’t try to scare me away.”

His own lips cracked into a content smile. “Then I won’t.”

---

Saturday arrived and passed too quickly for your liking.

Even when you tried to tell yourself not to overthink it, the majority of the day was spent with your mind buzzing. Arthur said the worst case scenario was that you’d be glamored to forget their existence entirely – but that also meant forgetting him. As much as you tried to push that intruding thought away, the thought of having your memory erased and continuing life without Arthur seemed daunting.

He mentioned he’d pick you up by 10, and wasn’t specific on where you were going. You spent the next few hours fretting over how you should present yourself. What outfit to wear, to be confident or quiet?

You decided on a casual outfit. You rehearsed in your head how to introduce yourself, how your tone will sound to them. How capable are they to hold a conversation with a regular human?

You stopped yourself then. Arthur still had many human qualities. You had to believe they were the same and not like that…what was it? Fledgling you encountered that one night.

By 10 pm on the dot, your phone chimed with his message of arrival. You left your apartment and found him waiting on the curb with his motorcycle parked. He greeted you with an embrace and kiss on the lips. Upon pulling back he stared into your eyes, his own glistening with the yellow light of the building.

“Last chance to turn back.” He said lowly.

You steeled your own gaze and took a deep breath. “Not gonna happen.” You answered confidently, despite the raging storm of nerves in your stomach and chest.

Arthur nodded once, half-smiling at your determination. “Alright.” He replied, handing you your helmet.

With a moment of adjusting and climbing onto the bike, you wrapped your arms around him and got comfortable. As he started the engine, a question appeared in your mind. “Where are we going exactly?” you asked, nearly shouting over the roar.

“Saint Denis, sorry,” he answered, apologizing knowing how you felt about it. “Believe me I ain’t fond of the location either.”

“Of course…” you grumbled, sighing heavily and resting your head on his back.

“This’ll be a safe trip, I promise.” He added, revving the engine before pulling into the street. You had completely trusted him on that, knowing nothing would happen in his presence. Still, you would be meeting vampires older than him.

You took a deep breath, mentally shoving aside a small rise of anxiety to enjoy the ride.

---

Besides the growl of the engine, most of the ride there was quiet.

Up ahead you could see the hazy golden skyline of Saint Denis, bright like a blotch of paint against a dark canvas. Arthur headed further south than you were used to, opting to head into the more industrial part of the city. Old factories turned into nightclubs and breweries lined the docks. It was a lively section of Saint Denis for sure, although one you tended to avoid due to the shady regulars and heavy amount of drugs that passed through unnoticed.

After a few minutes of rolling down the busy streets, Arthur turned his bike from the main street into a dimly lit alley. The towering closeness of the walls surrounded the both of you, and you involuntarily squeezed his midsection, remembering the night with the fledgling.

“It’s alright,” he said to you. “Nothin’s gonna happen.”

You breathed and nodded once, turning your attention to the sights around you. The alley opened up to a large, factory-like building. Even over the rumble of the motorcycle, you could hear the beats of heavy bass. The nearly opaque windows had hints of brightly colored lights flashing from within. The gray walls were adorned with graffiti, and a hint of aged paint as a small reminder of its original intention.

There were a couple of people dressed in club outfits waiting outside a large door, a burly bouncer checking their IDs before sending them in one at a time. Arthur pulled into a spot off to the side. He killed the engine and waited for you to stand.

You did so albeit hesitantly, taking the helmet off. “Er…are we in the right place?” you asked with confusion.

Arthur turned and smiled at you, gesturing for you to follow him. You did, keeping close as he sauntered up to the bouncer, not even acknowledging the small line. The two men made eye contact, and then the bouncer’s beady eyes turned to you. You froze under his hard gaze, averting your own eyes. You heard Arthur murmur something and you looked up, watching as the bouncer stepped aside and opened the door, gesturing both of you in. Arthur nodded and stepped in, and you followed suit.

As soon as you passed the threshold, you were enveloped with a fast beat of loud dubstep. Your nose was greeted with the scent of metal and sweat, and the concrete floor was lit up with a myriad of party lights. People were dancing around you, most of the women in skin-tight dresses and jumpsuits. You were used to seeing such clothes, but you suddenly felt out of place in your sweater, jeans and sneakers.

A large, neon-lit bar off to the side caught your attention, as well as meeting the eye of one of the patrons. She smiled at you politely, and her elongated canines gleamed in the bright green glow. You blinked and jumped slightly in surprise.

A cool hand appeared at your side. Arthur drew you in close to his side. You quickly looked up at him and he silently gestured for you to keep walking forward. You walked in step with him, keeping your eyes forward and away from anyone in particular. He seemed to be leading you to the other side of the colossal room.

You’d managed to flow through the crowd without an issue, and Arthur stopped at another closed door. There was a small glass window upon it, dark on the other side. He knocked on it thrice and with a heavy, creaking sound, it opened to reveal a dimly lit stairwell.

He gestured you in and stepped in behind you, and the door swung shut. You peered up the stairwell with apprehension, feeling as if you were suddenly placed in a horror movie.

Hesitation overcame you, and you turned to look at him. “I always pictured vampire lairs to be old, haunted mansions.” You joked to try and calm yourself down.

Arthur smiled in amusement. “Runnin’ a nightclub keeps us inconspicuous,” he explained. “Easy for us to do what we need to do without drawin’ unwanted attention.”

Huh, you guessed that made sense. It wasn’t something you expected to learn, then again you weren’t sure what to expect entirely from tonight at all. What was next? “Never expected you as that type of person.”

Chuckling and shaking his head, he replied with, “Weren’t my idea, ain’t too fond of it either,” he stepped closer to you, pressing his hand gently against the small of your back. “C’mon, we shouldn’t keep ‘em waitin’.”

With a short nod and a deep breath, you began to walk forward. You took the steps with slight hesitation, Arthur’s hand never leaving you as a silent and gentle offer of comfort. You eventually reached the top of the staircase to face a short hallway with a few doors on each side, and one at the very end. Your feet echoed across the floor eerily and you stopped, looking back at Arthur for further instruction.

Before either of you could do anything, one of the doors creaked and thudded. Your attention fixated on that, your heart suddenly leaping to your throat to see the door closest to you was the one opening. Out stepped a man with long, raven-colored hair. A thick stature similar to Arthur’s, dressed in a simple T-shirt and jeans with light colors, a large contrast from his cacao skin. His dark eyes darted to Arthur, and a smile crossed his face.

“Evenin’, Charles.” You heard Arthur say in a chipper tone as he took your side.

“Hello Arthur,” the man greeted before pulling Arthur into a hug. You watched as they embraced one another in an almost intimate fashion, lasting a little longer than just a brief second. As they broke from one another, Charles’ eyes settled to you. “You must be Y/N.”

Caught off guard and blinking, you smiled awkwardly. “Y-yes, I am.” You confirmed. Taking a better look at him, he seemed almost familiar to you.

You watched as a warm smile crossed Charles’ lips, and he stuck his hand out to you. When you took it, you were almost surprised to find it cold. “Arthur’s told me a lot about you. It’s great to finally meet you.”

You glanced at Arthur, who was smiling as well. “Charles n’ I go way back. Been there for me more times than I can count.”

Between Charles’ friendly demeanor and Arthur’s reaction, you assumed you were in the company of a friend. The tension you held released just a bit. Charles released your hand and looked at Arthur again.

“They’re discussing some important matters at the moment, but I can announce your arrival.” He spoke.

Arthur shook his head. “That’s alright, I’ll go on in. Might as well talk to ‘em beforehand,” he moved past you and Charles before turning around to look at the both of you. “Sweetheart, you can stay with him for a bit. I’ll come back when they’re ready to meet ya.”

You glanced at Charles, and back at Arthur. “Wait – ”

“Won’t be too long,” Arthur assured you. “N’ Charles is good company.”

You couldn’t really come up with anything else to say than to utter an “okay” to him. Arthur gave you a small smile and spun on his heel to face the length of the hallway again. He strode toward the furthest door, opening it and disappearing in a flash.

It was quiet now, and you turned your attention to Charles. He gestured to the open door beside you, and you walked in. It was a fairly small room reminiscent of a break room at a workplace. A small table sat in the center. A couple of couches and chairs lined the wall, as well as a few countertops and a refrigerator. Charles walked to the table and pulled a chair out for you.

Smiling politely at him, you took a seat. As you got comfortable, he turned to retrieve something from the fridge. He swiveled back to face you, producing a bottle of water.

“Don’t worry, it’s not poison.” Charles chuckled when you hesitated.

That was the furthest thing to cross your mind. Instead you were surprised by the hospitality of this man…vampire you just met. Then again if he was good friends with Arthur, you couldn’t be caught completely off-guard. You took the bottle and thanked him before sipping it. You hadn’t realized how thirsty you were.

“What do you think of this place?” he asked as you recapped the bottle.

You placed the bottle down and looked at him. “Never expected a vampire lair to be a nightclub,” you admitted. “But Arthur explained the reason. Do humans and vampires just mingle here?”

“For the most part. We’re good at hiding our identities, but if they see our fangs, they’re usually drunk or high enough to think they’re accessories.”

You snorted at that. Hell, if you were that buzzed you’d probably think the same. It seemed so odd to you that they were so open about something that they were attempting to keep guarded. You however knew how easily swayed young, influenced minds could be. The image of the girl who flashed her fangs at you formed in your head. “Is this your type of scene?” You inquired.

“Not at all,” he leaned back and folded his arms. “I prefer the quiet mostly.”

“So what are you doing here? If that’s not too pressing.” You asked.

“Business,” he shrugged. “Most discussions happen here.”

You nodded in understanding. “Do, uh, other humans end up in my position often?”

Charles smiled slightly. “More often than you’d think. It may be under the radar, but vampire and human relationships are becoming quite common recently.”

Your eyebrows raised at this. “Really?” When Charles nodded, you continued, “I suppose I shouldn’t be so surprised…the way this place is,” you took a deep breath and drank again. “Guess that makes me feel a little better.”

“Are you nervous?” he asked quietly.

“I’m a ball of anxiety,” you admitted, wincing as the cold water settled uncomfortably in your churning stomach. “I’ve only had one other interaction with a vampire besides Arthur, and I nearly lost my life.”

Charles nodded in understanding. “That would frighten anyone. Fledglings can be dangerous if not taught properly. Arthur told me what happened that night, you were very lucky he found you in time.”

A slight shiver shot up your spine at the memory. The fear that gripped your heart. The fight that ensued. The explosion of blood and guts painting the alleyway. You were lucky, stupidly lucky. “Guess that’s what I get for playing Good Samaritan for a random drunk.”

“That’s not your fault in the slightest. Most people are more selfish than not,” Charles pointed out. “That hasn’t changed in the last century at all.”

His latter statement caught your attention. “Are you as old as Arthur?” you asked curiously, observing his features closer. Beneath his dark skin held signs of age. Why did he look so familiar?

“Not quite,” he answered, meeting your gaze. “Arthur and I knew each other before. And I suspect you know why.”

Your brow furrowed and you tilted your head. Arthur was an outlaw and part of a large group. Those faces in the faded photos…you racked your brain to comb through each and every one of them until one stood out. “Wait, you were in the gang with him, right?”

Charles nodded and smiled. “Arthur did tell me you were interested in history, especially about his. I was a part of Dutch’s Boys, and Arthur was one of the few I truly trusted. When everything began to fall apart, he and I stuck through along with a few others.”

“It must’ve been a rough time,” you commented. “Arthur told me he was sick back then, were you one of the people he helped toward the end?”

“We helped each other,” Charles answered solemnly. “I wasn’t sure what was going to happen those last few days. So much betrayal and bloodshed. I hadn’t witnessed the very end because I was helping a displaced tribe find a new home…” he sighed. “He went off to help the others. Caught wind of his final battle. I went searching for him, and couldn’t even find a body. I placed a memorial for him up in the mountains, hoping one day I’d truly find out what became of him.”

Your heart sank as Charles told the story. Learning it from the perspective of not one but two people who lived through such traumatic events really pulled at your emotions.

“Almost thirty years passed without an answer,” he continued. “I lived my life, watched as the world changed. And then I fell ill. My condition was far too advanced for any doctor or medicine man to treat. When I became terminal, Arthur showed up at my doorstep, looking the same as he did all those years ago. I couldn’t believe it.”

You raised your eyebrows at this. “So…did he Turn you?”

“No. He asked our Maker, Lucia, to Turn me. He could have just healed me, but he didn’t. He said I was too good of a man to let the world lose,” Charles chuckled. “Immortality was never a forethought. Arthur assured me, explained how his life changed since he Turned, and so I agreed.”

“That must’ve been such an adjustment for you, especially after years of thinking he was dead,” you said thoughtfully. “I couldn’t even imagine…”

“An adjustment is an understatement,” Charles agreed. “We were together again after so long. Lucia gave me a chance we both missed out on all those years ago…” he turned his head upward, and you noticed a haze clouding his eyes. “Decades together…”

The emotion touched in his voice, the way he spoke…you got the feeling this was more than just a rekindled friendship. Would it be too pressing to ask? “Were you…involved with him?” you quietly asked.

Charles’ attention turned back to you. “Yes, I was. We had some wonderful years together, but we’ve been apart for some time now.”

“I’m so sorry.” You automatically said, unsure how to respond to that. Was he jealous?

He shook his head. “Don’t be. As you can see, we’re still very close. And I know he’s happy with you. He’s a troubled man, and you sparked something in him.”

You hadn’t expected to hear that. You smiled a little shyly. “Guess I’m glad to be that spark then.”

The two of you conversed for another few minutes. You learned a little more about Charles’ background and what he and Arthur did. They traveled the world and enjoyed places they otherwise wouldn’t have the chance to have gone while alive. Charles also is a huge advocate for both African American and Native American rights, often attending rallies and protests at night to march. You’d never expect a vampire to be still into human affairs and politics, however it seemed you were learning something new every day now.

Speaking with him did allow some further ease of your anxiety. Like Arthur, he assured you the others weren’t as intimidating as they seemed. It seemed more like you were prepping for a job interview from the way he described it after he sat in for quite a few of them.

Not that a job interview was even less nerve-wracking. Mentally, you were envisioning yourself sitting across from a smartly-dressed vampire going over a resume while you kept yourself with an upright posture, running commonly used questions and answers through your mind.

Another few moments passed by before the door opened. You turned to see Arthur step through, first peering over at Charles before meeting your gaze. He greeted you with a small smile. “They’re ready for ya, sweetheart.”

A lump formed in your throat. Taking the last swing of your water bottle, you stood up and nodded. “And I’m ready too.”

“Good luck, Y/N.” Charles said from behind you.

Turning your head to shoot a grateful smile at him, you strode forward and back out into the hallway again. Arthur slid out in front of you, taking your hand and leading you toward the furthest door.

Your echoing footsteps pounded in your ears with each step closer. The harsh lights shone brightly like a hospital corridor. Arthur stopped just before the door, and turned to you.

“I can’t accompany you inside.” he said.

Alarm coursed through you. “Why?”

“So they know I’m not influencing you in any way, standard procedure,” he answered, closing the small space between you to place his hands on your upper arms, and leaning in to place a kiss on your forehead. “But I ain’t worried, as long as you’re truthful.”

“Do I have any reason to lie?” you asked, your heart fluttering from his soothing touch.

He shook his head. “Not one bit. Like I said, I ain’t worried…” he stepped back to clear the path between you and the door. “N’ I’ll be out here waitin’.”

Your eyes lingered on his for a second longer, before you turned to face it. Taking a deep breath, you reached forward and grabbed the knob.

[babysprouseisart]

Every story ever has its end or the summary of the thoughts on the past #sprousehart era and attempts to change the attitude of others to this illusionary world

Dear fellows, from the very first days of the origin and further existence of mankind on the planet, in each period more and more foundations, irreversible phenomena and laws in nature or the society in which man lived and continues to live appeared. Time is fleeting, night turns to morning, year to year, and every story ever has its end. You can object, say that this is complete nonsense, but unfortunately everything in our world is natural and therefore in the same way one story of two wonderful people - Lili Pauline Reinhart and Cole Mitchell Sprouse - ended.

Their relationship was and will remain one of the most beautiful and unlike in comparison with others, at least based on what I could witness, love story. And even though this love story began seemingly banal with an audition for the role and the set, it was so real, amazing, which many could dream about, with its special feature of gradual disclosure, so enticing, and that is why it probably resonated so much, along with other reasons.

Like any other relationship, this relationship was based on many things and included many reasons for existence. Starting with a slight interest in each other, first liking and flirting, then there was a strong and almost immediate attraction to each other that they both talked about, a passion visible in the way they acted out scenes together and in glimpses of information from others. Then, after some time, the romantic charm passed, and a new stage began – getting used to each other, building a joint life, adapting to the peculiarities and shortcomings of the partner, and it is during this time the couple tries to create a happy and satisfying relationship for each. Accordingly, everyone got a desire to stand out from the other, to be significant not only in the relationship, but also outside of it, which is why they kept their privacy and wanted everyone to perceive them as separate individuals. They clearly tried to control what they shared with the world, and gradually the amount of what they shared increased. We were lucky to witness many, even small, moments in their lives. We were allowed to see the whole development, although some of it was very hidden, starting with the sarcastic banter on Twitter, the tempting 'Tempt me!', then multiple photos of fans with them, then supposedly random photos of Cole, with Lili in the background, or other way around, then many other breadcrumbs, then expanding of the circle of friends where his friends are now hers and vice versa, family meetings following by huge support to the certain time, then an infinity of her photos taken by him, so divine and beautiful, as well as photos taken by her of him, then numerous long or not so long trips to various places, the first vocation trip together which was made public, then 'No comment!', then more words about love in public media, birthday wishes, comments, bouquets just like that and on special days, 72 roses, chocolate-covered strawberries, the way they were baking together, him making a grilled cheese for her, them watching the sunset at Debby's and the other times we haven't seen, the time when Antelope Valley has become an indicator, the most tender words about each other, endless heart eyes, her inability to stop sitting on his lap, and his habit of touching her shoulder, neck, jokes understandable only to them, the words of others about them as if they are friends for 20 years already, knowledge of each other's body language, bragging about wonderful sexy times and the beauty of each other, giving cute nicknames, comfort, joint red carpet moments, him shaking her of joyness, constant support and much more, what we could obviously notice in social networks, interviews, after videos/photos of paparazzi, almost complete idyll at first glance and so on. All this is certainly only what we were allowed to see or what we guessed having observed various facts and over time it has gotten more obvious, and it was an insanely beautiful experience to be a spectator of all this for which I am grateful that is why I sincerely wish myself and all of you to look at it from the point of view that you need to smile because it happened and not cry because it's over. Nevertheless sometimes if you get too involved you can start looking at it through the prism of pink glasses of love and admiration, enjoying every moment they directly or indirectly shared with us, and accordingly, the impression of a fairy tale is being formed that does not quite correctly reflect reality and it does not allow us to perceive the other part on the other side of the screen/social networks, because we simply do not see it. However, I don't want anyone to take it as if I believe that everything they shared was untrue and false, completely out of the blue. All I want to convey to any reader is that everything we saw was only in an unreal bubble of illusions, since the Internet and social networks, which are, after all, this very bubble in its essence, which we ourselves and they decided to form, allowing us to take it as they want and this is normal, and life is very far from perfect or dreamlike. That is to say life is such an unpredictable thing, where everything is justifiably natural and sometimes things just don't work out the way we would like them to, including relationships which are also a complex structure that is not easy to build correctly, sometimes even with a strong attraction and a strong sense of love, there are things that cannot be corrected or changed. As well as you cannot change the essence of a person and his worldview, his personality, internal or external qualities, his behavior, his views on life and goals, his mistakes and position in society, loss of trust, his moral and physical endurance, other side things like sharing very little time for the second half in connection with business or temporary work, unwillingness to accept any conditions, commitment, settling down or restriction of something, lack of compromise, fading feelings because of passed desire and passion, external factors, especially if we are talking about a public couple/popular people, such as dramas in social networks, created by fans or family/friends, stress from the strong involvement of others or non-acceptance of partner selection by relatives, and so on. Just sometimes if after a while two people failed to get accustomed to each other, as if a plant were transplanted into a new soil or some organ to the human body, thanks to some external or internal features, obstacles, be it custom qualities or external influence on each other with the constant tries for the reconstruction of another and over time awareness of the fact that what has been created by the supreme cannot be altered and adjusted for something else, becoming more and more negative, when one of them in its content can no longer learn to cope with the environment and the further continuation of the joint work of the struggle can lead to the bad conditions of both, with exhaustion from this struggle and, accordingly, to the death of cells. And all this exhaustion for whatever reason can also be theoretically and philosophically equated to the bowels of the earth and depleted sources. After all, a person get used to using fresh water, the earth's mineral resources, eating plants and fruits, vegetables, buying things, and so on, but sometimes it happens that this is either limited or ends and nature is no longer able to provide us with anything, after constant giving, and in return receiving only harm or damage. This is a very complex science and this is a life where, as I already said, many things are not the way we picture them to be. So many interpretations and/or reasons can and could be hidden behind all these failures/ends/dissensions/decays/breakups/bad moments in life, and I cannot even list all the options, but I have some general considerations on the specific occasion, but I do not want to start the speculation now and go into details about why and how I think the end of this love story that we all loved happened, cause it is not my business and I am no one to judge someone or even dare to talk about it when I am not them or relative/friend to any of them and I haven't seen the actual period of their relationship and how it was going from the beginning to the end except my own representation of everything based on this social-media bubble, and each of you can have your own thoughts and draw your own conclusions. However, it goes without saying that even after any obstacles, failures and heart and soul break and with the passage of time, everything constantly takes place to change in any way, people change, the behavior change, the attitude change, and so on, one moment the doors are closed, in the other you open them or they are opened for you so in the end a person finds their happiness and purpose despite previous mistakes and shortcomings.

The penultimate thing I want to say is that obviously, after all this, you are already starting to think about something and I really hope so, given what I said about life and bubbles of unreality in our time, and as you gain experience in this fandom and being a fan very much involved in all of this it can be very useful for us to eventually rethink how much we were involved and how much energy we were giving this every time, and I have already made a whole post about this. And particularly good for me were  the recent events when there is no particular food for thought and to be involved, I'm more and more alienated from the lives of other strangers, and the more time passes, the more relaxed I began to react to many things, although it also sometimes was hard to deal with all the drama and speculation, constantly think through all sorts of logical outcomes, since I am such a person by nature and I cannot be calm without a logical conclusion, and I am still digesting the whole situation happening since the beginning of this year with the fandom and the relationship of these two people, however, as much as I would not like to clearly represent everything and have a clear picture now it does not matter, the main thing is that it was and it just needs to step over, swallow and not give too much attention to this, because unfortunately we could not control the whole situation, we could not prevent what happened and what could have happened just because we are not the supreme or these same people and it is not our business.

In conclusion, even if some may think of me as a soulless person or that I do not care about others, know that this is far from it, I just try and will try to find a way out of the situation, reorganize and look at everything objectively and with a grain of salt because I believe that this is the right decision to be detached in any way from someone else's experiences, especially from those who are so far from us, and bad moments, so as not to have any attachment, hope and faith, so that it does not hurt us later. But I am certainly an emotional person and my heart just bursts with pain when I see that many people strongly bring down themselves and suffer from the fact that there was some kind of non-related to them co-ordinal change, although this is not the end of the world, and therefore I consider it my duty to try to somehow distract some of you and calm down on this account, as once I was helped by others and my own search for the right attitude.

[velmia-warins-blog]

Ooh, can you tell us more about RO? 👀👀 (and if that ok if we ask ro's reaction ask? 😀)

Yeah, I’ll tell you a bit more. Also, of course you can ask RO reaction asks. It would make me very happy to get them.

Alex: He is an individual of organization and order in general. This often entails taking up a leadership position which he has been used to doing most of his life, and he does take up a leadership role among the dorm upholding it unless the MC asserts themself more so. In most free time he is reading a book, often enjoying Drama as a genre given social dynamics to him are more entertaining to learn as they’re much more chaotic and unpredictable compared to learning logical and structured subjects. Though some Mysteries have continued to evade him, he considers the Mystery Novel ‘Unlike Sicily’ his greatest bane given how he couldn’t figure out the solution to the mystery until it was revealed at the end of the story. Friends often comment hearing him talk can be entertaining given the depth of his thoughts and passion for everything he has learned. Other hobbies of his are Tabletop RPG’s, computer programming, and Astronomy.

Eliza: She can build pretty much anything if given the right materials, and she has made a lot of friends by building various complex machinery. Mostly computers but she can also do televisions, phones, video game consoles, and in one case even a car. Her passion is everything when it comes to Engineering, and she is looking forward to how anything she can plan to build will be possible for her to do just that with the use of magic. She also tends to be very popular on her own in a social sense, she is earnest, sincere, kind, understanding, and believes everyone has a great depth to them that can be discovered if given enough patience and space to open up to others. Although she believes most people are good and can be healed thus redeeming them from past mistakes, Eliza holds a strong value in the Moral Line. The idea that an individual who crosses crimes like murder is to be viewed as evil for life. Hobbies of hers also include video games, archery, and watching soap operas.

Hussein: He grew up in less fortunate circumstances in comparison to many other of his classmates, and definitely less kind ones to him than the rest of his dorm mates. Hussein has never known his birth parents and was a foster child passed on through several neglectful/abusive homes up until the age of eleven. At that point, he was adopted by one of the Child Protector Service agents and her wife where he lived with four other boys. Two older and two younger he came to consider his brothers. From then on his life was much more supportive and stable, however, his upbringing still made him very cynical to the world at large and especially the crueler group of nobles who entertained themselves by picking on the poorer populace. He can be very defensive, of himself and close friends so he has learned to fight and maintain his body through a lot of physical activity. Hobbies of his include scrapbooking, knife throwing, and baking.

Ramona: She is a complete ball of energy and creativity. Everything related to the arts and using the imagination she has a passion for. She writes, paints, draws, designs clothes, sings, dances. She has done everything to be able to proclaim herself the embodiment of the practitioner of everything considered an art. She is considered the colorful child among a family who is mild-mannered and mundane especially her parents. Her father being an accountant and her mother being a technical writer. Although she’s never been shamed or looked down upon because of her interests, it’s been hard for her to feel truly appreciated due to a household that never cared much for the vibrant and creative things in life. A bit more understandable as they have been mages who prefer the practical side of magic. Instead, she gains inspiration among friends and the expansive eternity that is the cycle of life and death. Her most prominent hobbies are poetry, painting, and clothing design.

Ilsa: The student escort of the MC and first second-year student met at the Academy. She is the ideal of a model student at the Nellis Noble Academy. Very passionate about everything magical, and she does her best to learn about every single field. Though what she excels at are Arcane magic and Wind magic most especially. She likes to consider herself a peacemaker in everything she does, though she can definitely be very forceful when it comes to this goal. Being even more overbearing and authoritarian than Alex himself. Yet this strong will and need to maintain order has made her leader of her dorm. When it comes to her softer side she is more of a guide and a nurturer, someone who wants to see everyone achieve their true potential and reach their goals no matter how impossible they may be. Given her much looser moral code even if someone wants to rule the world or become the next lich to destroy all life she will encourage anyone with the will and hunger for power to do it. Her hobbies include dancing, playing any game related to strategy, chess, and the video game series ‘Elemental Banner’.

(The following are the other RO’s the MC has yet to meet at the academy. Ilsa’s dorm mates.)

Sifer: Ilsa’s second and command, it is best to refer to Sifer as they given they are non-binary. Sifer covers Ilsa in a more measured and logical manner whenever she becomes much more intense in her behavior. They are quite measured, logical, but pragmatic to the point it can be considered concerning. Despite holding humanity to be a high value, it only goes so high as when they deem something to be much higher value than the life of a person can be considered worth sacrificing in their mind. On the surface, they appear to be very stoic and reserved when it comes to their emotions. However, if looked closely at the eye all their emotions can be seen. Their eyes are intense when angry, bright when happy, flow with tears when sad. Very few people know why, but when they feel understood by someone else they feel confident about opening up about everything. Their hobbies include studying philosophy, gardening, and creating historically accurate dioramas.

Martin: The biggest defending champion of flirting and charming his classmates at the Academy. Whether they be male, female, or identify outside of those usual pronouns, anyone attracted to guys he considers a chance to charm his way into their lives. Rumors vary on whether he has succeeded in sleeping with the rest of his dorm mates. Though the truth of the matter is that he managed to make out with Lucas once and the rest of the dorm is mildly amused by how casual they are about the whole matter while just being friends by that point. Managing to get to know him past the first date reveals the more sincere side to him, someone who would prefer a more serious relationship but in his past struggles to make friends desires the popularity of being a flirt in the meantime. Though it takes just as much effort to get him to lower the persona of a heartbreaker and create something more sincere when it’s just a friendship. His hobbies include pottery, animal raising, and playing guitar.

Kelsie: A very standoffish woman who presents herself with a very dark and aggressive personality. Most people consider her to be a bad girl, a reputation she would like to uphold especially as her dorm mates have taken to teasing her by trying to attest to something very different. She desperately wants to be proficient in death magic and crush her natural talent in life magic. Ironically sabotaging her own goal by not understanding the complimenting elements of life magic that death is so intrinsically connected to. Her anti-social behavior makes her difficult to approach. Being fowl mouthed, reflexively aggressive to people of a soft or weak disposition, picking fights, making casual death threats that vary to the extreme and make it difficult to tell how serious she is. Only her dorm mates really know what’s behind her persona of the adoration of death and general violence. So they are definitely looking out for someone who could come into her life and handle the rage she has for the world. Her hobbies include heavy metal, casting summoning rituals in attempts to summon demons and sword fighting.

Lucas: The most chill guy one could ever meet in their life. He is almost comedically calm in just about any situation imaginable. Demons have been summoned into the dorm and everyone needs to work together to banish them? Cool, does he need to look over the banishing ritual? The mysterious interdimensional portal is now in the kitchen? Eh, nothing has come out yet so he’ll take the extra five minutes of sleep. He likes to advise others to take the time to slow down and appreciate the small things in life. Relax, not fret over the big picture and take the worries over life down a few notches. He likes to roll with the punches, and when good things in life come then he likes to stop. Focus on those single moments in time and make them the longest memories that will truly count. It takes extraordinary circumstances that make him worry, freak out, and especially for something to come up that will make him afraid. His hobbies include swimming, fishing, and meditating.

[hamliet]

Messy, Perfect Redemption: Dazai

My least favorite trope in fiction is probably redemption via death. It just seldom works for the best possible story and more often than not comes across as an author wanting to take the easy way out with having now made the audience like the character, but not having to deal with the repercussions with their relationships with other characters and actual work of changing. Which honestly is also fair. Writing is hard.

But one of the things I love about Bungou Stray Dogs is how the entire story is basically Dazai’s redemption arc in all its disastrous messy glory. Redemption is hard, becoming a better person is exhausting and it doesn’t happen overnight. Despite an often cavalier attitude towards everyone around him, Dazai never loses sight of Odasaku’s last words to him.

"Listen. You told me that you might find a reason to live if you lived in a world of violence and bloodshed. You won't find it. You must know that already. Whether you're on the side who kills people or the side who saves people, nothing beyond what you would expect will appear. Nothing in this world can fill that lonely hole you have. You will wander the darkness for eternity. (...) Be on the side that saves people. If both sides are the same, become a good man. Save the weak, and protect the orphans. Neither good nor evil means much to you, I know... but that'd make you at least a little bit better. (...) Of course I know. I know better than anyone. Because... I am your friend."

Leaving the mafia and deciding to save people from now on is a good step, but it’s a process, as we see. It’s choosing every day to save orphans, to protect the weak, and even after making the overall choice to become a better man, there are still plenty of struggles along the way. It’s what makes Dazai such a compelling, powerful and ultimately hopeful character for me.

I know Atsushi is often seen as representing Dazai’s second chance after Akutagawa, his redemption in a sense, and that’s not wrong at all. Atsushi is definitely a major, even the main, part of it, but in my opinion it’s not the whole of it. Dazai’s mentoring of Atsushi is a double-edged sword: on the one hand, it absolutely is a part of his redemption. He’s genuinely trying to do his best with Atsushi, and I do think he cares for him--clearly, he cares enough to let himself be captured by the mafia, even.

On the other hand, ignoring a kid you hurt for a kid you didn't is not redemption in and of itself when you could still do something about it. It’s not like Akutagawa has given up on Dazai in any way; he’s pretty desperate for Dazai’s acknowledgement even now.

If saving one requires you to abandon the other, are you really a better person for it ? Like, if you wanna save orphans, you kinda have to include the one who's literally begging you to save him and who is only in this bad place because of you.

If joining the agency would have redeemed Dazai, we wouldn’t have a story, though again I’m not minimizing the importance of this or the resonance of Dazai’s mentoring of Atsushi. But in joining the agency, Dazai left someone behind--more than one someones, actually. Dazai’s redemption is a process that will require him to face the harm he caused in the mafia and as much as possible, fix it. And he can’t fully redeem himself until he integrates with his shadow. Unlike Atsushi whose shadow is directly personified in Akutagawa, though, Dazai’s is in several other people (we could also consider Odasaku and Atsushi part of the anima), including Akutagawa, Chuuya, Dostoyevsky, and Mori.

Even the next time Dazai saves an orphan (Kyouka), we find out that a lot of the cruel ways Akutagawa trained her came from how Dazai trained him.

It’s a consequence coming back to Dazai that his mentee decides to save a child trapped in the mafia whom everyone wants to give up on, a child whose been through the same training he forced Akutagawa into (which I should remind you includes a canonical mock execution). The difficulties of saving Kyouka are probably exactly why Dazai took so long to make baby steps towards Akutagawa. But to his credit, while he’s not exactly compassionate with Kyouka while she’s imprisoned, Dazai does save her. If mentoring a kid on the verge of turning into a criminal is the first step to reconciling with his mafia self, then Dazai’s helping save Kyouka is the next one.

However, he doesn’t fully understand the cruelties of he did to Akutagawa, as shown in how he mocks him after his capture by repeating Akutagawa’s worst fears to him:

I know Dazai’s playing a long game with setting up Atsushi and Akutagawa’s partnership in shin soukoku, but the ends don’t always justify the means and that’s a lesson often shown to us in BSD (it’s in part the reason Dazai left the mafia; he couldn’t buy that Oda’s death was justifiable because it got rid of Mimic and got the Port Mafia their black ticket). This type of triggering really isn’t okay. Like I said here, Dazai is in part the cause of Atsushi and Akutagawa’s struggles to get along, and he should be part of reconciling that schism as well.

I know while some people are annoyed that fans call a person two years older than someone else their father figure, but the manga itself draws this comparison and codes Dazai/Atsushi and Dazai/Akutaqawa as a mentor/mentee relationship which is 99% of the time coded as parental in literature (and it definitely is here). Akutagawa literally draws the comparison himself between his relationship with Dazai and Atsushi’s with his abusive orphanage headmaster. Yes, Akutagawa’s making some logical jumps here (refusing to acknowledge that Dazai is just as much Atsushi’s mentor as his), but the manga wants us to make this comparison.

As Atsushi wasn’t able to reconcile his frustration and hurt towards the orphanage headmaster, he’ll probably do so through Akutagawa and through Dazai, because Atsushi’s view of Dazai is basically that he’s already redeemed and fantastic and justified in his choices--again, I know Atsushi complains about his irresponsibility sometimes, but it’s mostly played as a joke and isn’t a serious critique of just how he treated Akutagawa, despite Atsushi hating Akutagawa for how he treated Kyouka (take that train of thought a little further, Atsushi).

But onto Dazai’s other relationships. It’s telling that Dazai is at his most unrestrained and violent in the mafia when he partners with Chuuya, who despite being very restrained thanks to him being capable of uninhibited destruction that would lead to his own death without said restraint, knows who Dazai is and what he’s capable of from the very beginning (he’s so much as seen Dazai murder the orphans who comprise the Sheep even after promising Chuuya he wouldn't). Kunikida is Chuuya’s foil in that he works most closely with Dazai in the agency and is perpetually ready to strangle him, but Kunikida is also incredibly principled and restrained--yet he is significantly the only member of the agency who, prior to the Guild Arc, did not know Dazai used to be in the mafia.

Kunikida’s ideals including saving everyone if possible. Both Chuuya and Kunikida represent these two extremes of what Dazai is capable of--and yet notably both of them care about saving children and are in many ways more compassionate people than Dazai.

The one time we see Chuuya talk about killing a kid is with Q, who notably is introduced to us as another child with the soukoku partnership team-up.

Q, a child with half-dark hair and half-white hair (gee I wonder what that symbolizes) is a child made to curse the world and hate ever being born. Chuuya and Dazai team up to save him but contemplate killing him.

Dazai’s choice not to kill Q is stated to be to save himself, which is probably is, but it’s also symbolic of how Dazai’s saving other people is saving himself (and also ties back to another quote Odasaku liked to repeat from Natsume: “everyone exists to save themselves”).

But Chuuya’s motivation, as I wrote before, is because he’s grieved over the loss of his comrades. Chuuya really cares about people, including Dazai, and the fact that Dazai is actually going to far as to model Atsushi and Akutagawa’s team-up on his team-up with Chuuya pretty strongly implies Dazai doesn’t hate Chuuya as much as he says he does. To be able to truly leave the mafia, he has to make peace with those relationships there. It’s part of being honest with himself: like Atsushi, acknowledging the darker shadows, and like Akutagawa, acknowledging the better parts of him too.

At present, Dostoyevsky proves a perfect foil for Dazai, as @linkspooky has written here. They’re the same in a lot of ways, but Dostoyevsky has allowed nihilism and a god complex to completely consume him and is not trying to be human, whereas Dazai still tries to save people and was devastated by Oda’s death. Dostoyevsky’s ability, whatever it was, works by touching someone like Dazai’s, but since Dazai’s No Longer Human negates another’s abilities, Dazai is the only person on which Fyodor’s ability will not work, making them the perfect counters for each other.  Dostoyevsky is what Dazai could be if his feelings of alienation from human society (a prominent theme in the real life Dostoyevsky’s works) were taken to their utmost extreme, and so it’d be fitting for him to ultimately defeat Fyodor through the relationships he does have (including Atsushi and Akutagawa). 

To return to Odasaku, Odasaku is also kind of a warning to Dazai as much as he is a man Dazai wants to become like. When Odasaku lost the orphans under his care, he fell into complete despair and knowingly embarked on a suicide mission to do what Mori wanted him to. Still, Dazai tried to save him. He wasn’t able to save his life, but Odasaku’s death saved Dazai. Yet it’s potentially concerning that Mori used Odasaku’s human connections to engineer his downfall, and I wouldn’t be surprised if Mori uses Dazai’s to try to engineer his downfall later on (like, way, way on).

The difference is that Dazai is a good foil to Mori, too, in understanding what makes people tick and always thinking several moves ahead. Mori groomed Dazai from the age of like fourteen (or younger) to be his successor in the mafia, manipulating his suicidal tendencies and hopelessness to get what Mori wanted from him. It’s telling that the earliest we have of Dazai is him with Mori, in that Mori instead of caring for a suicidal patient decided to take him along to murder the mafia’s boss and induct him into the mafia thereby. The thing about Jungian stories is that there are often some Oedipal tendencies to them--like, for example, a character needs to overcome/break away from completely/kill their father.  I can see Dazai at some point having to overcome Mori and his influence to cement his arc, but that’s highly speculative (yet fits with Mori’s build up as a villain), so we’ll see.

[alexsmitposts]

The Emergence of the Technetronic Society of Humankind The world community is being transformed. The current pandemic is only another phase of a metamorphosis set in motion decades ago. The intersection of our physical and digital lives is the battleground, where the last hopes of freedom are being bludgeoned to death. Few can see this because most people are already casualties the old world order sacrificed before the altar of liberty. Most of you reading this introduction will sense a bit of melodrama. But I assure you, anything I could type out here pales in comparison to the skullduggery that has beset humankind the last half-century. The war for planet Earth is upon us, but the battlefield is not some desert in Syria or a swamp somewhere in Latin America. The battlefield is real and virtual. It’s in the streets of Portland, Oregon, and the pages of Facebook. The Third World War is taking place in Walmart. It’s spreading to every back yard in Florida and every apartment complex in Bucharest. We’ve taken up arms against one another over every facet of life, not just whether or not to wear protective masks. Working-Class Struggle Redux Some of you already see this. You understand because you were finally forced to unfriend that high school buddy who Tweets or shares Facebook posters revealing humankind’s ignorance and meanness. We’re back to being tribal, devolution is upon us, and the end is written on the slum wall and the internet version. Wall Street is making a killing, billionaires are gnashing their teeth and wringing their hands, and the so-called little people are boiling in a kettle about to explode. Amazingly, my words here can be proven. Nobody can call “fake news” on this author. No sir. In 1970 the legendary (notorious for some) Zbigniew Brzezinski wrote a book entitled, “BETWEEN TWO AGES: America’s Role in the Technetronic Era.” The author, who was one of the five or six most influential political celebrities of the latter part of the 20th century, is well known for his aversion for first the Soviet Union, and then the Russian Federation. Brzezinski’s book was an is a “how-to” book on methods for using computers and communications technologies as a means of transforming society. Though the book reads like an analysis by a technology outsider, the work is part of a wide-spanning strategy we see coming to competition today. Let’s look at an excerpt from the first section of the book where the former counselor to President Lyndon B. Johnson and President Jimmy Carter’s National Security Advisor delineates post-industrial America’s course: “In the technetronic society scientific and technical knowledge, in addition to enhancing production capabilities, quickly spills over to affect almost all aspects of life directly. Accordingly, both the growing capacity for the instant calculation of the most complex interactions and the increasing availability of biochemical means of human control augment the potential scope of consciously chosen direction, and thereby also the pressures to direct, to choose, and to change.” I won’t tax the reader here, but I encourage you to read the book yourself so that what I am presenting will sink in. Brzezinski, in no uncertain terms, is describing the fundamental transformation of society beginning sometime shortly before 1970, when he collated the information within the pages of the book. Remember, he was LBJ’s advisor. The Rise of the Techno-Bourgeoisie He continues in this section to refer to the past ideologies of the industrial age which built and sustained America and other democracies, to insist upon a more “modern” or “advanced” central ideology. Brzezinski, who most detractors would describe as a dinosaur or archaic, was discussing cybernetics replacing humans when Bill Gates was still at Lakeside Prep School being bullied and writing his first computer programs. I mention Gates for a purpose that may be obvious to some readers. This citation from Between Two Ages will transport the reader to my line of thinking here. Brzezinski writes knowingly: “In the emerging new society questions relating to the obsolescence of skills, security, vacations, leisure, and profit-sharing dominate the relationship, and the psychic well­being of millions of relatively secure but potentially aimless lower­middle­class blue­collar workers becomes a growing problem.” Please remember, this was published in 1970, years before Brzezinski would brag that he had helped cause the Soviet Union to invade Afghanistan so that it could get its very own “Vietnam.” The man was a genius, an evil one, but a brilliant geo-policy strategist nonetheless. This book is not a reflection of Brzezinski’s powerful mind, however. This book is the revelation of a plan set in motion after Dwight Eisenhower left office. It’s a blueprint for the liberal world order to completely dominate the world. But before you label me, please consider how this “growing problem” is being used today. Who is Donald Trump? Aha! Now I have your full attention. What about the psychic wellbeing of aimless lower-middle-class Americans? Or, the psychic wellbeing of relatively secure Germans right before Adolph Hitler made them afraid of all the nations surrounding their country? Wait! Don’t go to that tangent, please focus on who got Donald Trump in the White House and how this came to pass. You see, Brzezinski and his colleagues created the conditions, the society, and the “path” we see taking shape today. Think about our symbols now, for instance. How did Google come to dominate the internet? Who stood behind? What does Google do? How about Facebook or Amazon, or any of the monumental successes we see controlling this technetronic society we now live in? Google lured the masses in with “free” and with slogans like “do no evil.” The competition was driven off, through massive investment. Now billions of people are analyzed and “computed” like Brzezinski revealed, to transform society, not to simply extract money via ads. Take the case of Facebook, it’s the same story. A huge swath of humanity is studied, spied upon, and manipulated while the puppetmasters tweak ideology, foment discord, and steer the crowd toward the desired endgame. Sounds crazy and dramatic, doesn’t it? But, wait for it. In 1972, Bill Gates served as a congressional page in the US House of Representatives. He was then a National Merit Scholar who went to Harvard for a brief time, where he met Steve Ballmer, who would lead Microsoft until 2014. Ballmer was an assistant product manager at Procter & Gamble for two years, where he shared an office with Jeffrey R. Immelt, the onetime CEO of General Electric. I hope you are keeping up with me here, for these names figure prominently in the current situation. Immelt was the head of GE’s Medical Systems division (now known as GE Healthcare) as its president and CEO back in 1997. To make a very long story shorter, Brzezinski was closely tied to all the names I am mentioning either through roles at the Council of Foreign Relations, or via more intimate and secretive associations. Take into consideration GE and Immelt’s view on China from back in 2010 when he said; “’I worry about China. I am not sure that in the end, they want any of us to win.” Fast forward to 2015 and Brzezinski is pushing for Donald Trump to “outbid” everyone for the presidency. He tweeted this to his followers on Twitter: “What’s better: a billionaire outbidding everyone for the Presidency, or billionaires picking the candidates for the Presidency?” The answer to his feigned query is drop-dead simple – “It doesn’t matter, the same people control no matter what.” And the control processes were put in action once John F. Kennedy was out of the way. LBJ played his role to a “T”, Nixon got too big for his britches and had to go, Ford plated nincompoop in charge to put the plan on pause, and peanut farmer/Nuke sub commander Carter helped roll out the red carpet for our current technetronic society. But I’m getting ahead. The Immuno-Catalyst Let me retrace a step to the associations of Gates, Ballmer, and Immelt. And most importantly, the current healthcare/pandemic crisis some experts believe is an induced one. Remember Gates’ pal Immelt headed GE Healthcare, which entered an agreement with Gates back IBio to commercialize the iBioLaunch vaccine manufacturing platform. The Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation has funded iBio Pharma, which has been in recent news because of President Trump grandstanding about a COVID breakthrough. The company is one of those focused on vaccines against the coronavirus. And if you’re getting lost in this maze of technocrats, now it’s time to interject another key player named Warren Buffett. Buffett, who for all intents and purposes owns IBM, is another link in what we should call the Brzezinski Plan for world domination. Remember, it was IBM that teleported Bill Gates out of brainiac obscurity back in 1980. It is not common knowledge, but the last Watson family head of IBM, Thomas J. Watson, Jr. served as US ambassador to the Soviet Union from 1979 to 1981. It was the ideas and ideals along with the patriotism of the latter Watson, from which people like Brzezinski convoluted the notion of modern democracy. Thomas J. Watson Jr. was also central to the administrations of L.B.J., Nixon, Ford, and Carter. Moving forward, most people are unaware, that Warren Buffett is also the biggest contributor to the Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation (more than $30 billion). And in this, we see how the “system” of control gets its continuity. Finally, it was the Brzezinski plan that delivered us to the current sorry state of democracy. The former advisor to key presidents not only helped devise the plan to shift the world’s ideologies and social structure, but he also helped empower the super elites running the show, and the lower-middle class minions who would stoke the forest of orchestrated rebellion. When asked how he would deal with the super-rich, Brzezinski differentiated people like Warren Buffett and Gates from the rest, while at the same time feeding the mob that Trump now leads and the left learning hordes on the left hanging: “It would be increasingly helpful if there was a movement to publish, worldwide, lists of those who make, largely through speculation, enormous amounts of money almost instantly, and hide the fact from their social context.” A Government of Business Power So, a ruling elite was and is to be lifted, isolated, and protected using demonic intimidation from every vector. Today’s dog and pony show across western capitals have roots in Rockefeller’s and Brzezinski’s Trilateral Commission, established to help put in motion the tenets from the latter’s Between Two Ages manifesto. If I throw in the fact that the Trilateral Commission’s notable member list includes such notorious super-rich as Jeffrey Epstein here, I’ve no doubt the reader will be overwhelmed by the scope of this “plan” for turning the world upside down. Finally, the academic Noam Chomsky once criticized the commission’s goals as undemocratic saying the publication of the organization, The Crisis of Democracy reflects how modern democratic systems are not democracy at all, but systems controlled by elites. And the Rockefeller Foundation’s support of the various German eugenics programs and the connections to Nazi war criminal Josef Mengele and Auschwitz tarnish anyone and everyone associated with Rockefeller, and the ruling elite of this new “modern ideal” or technetronic society. In his 1980 book With No Apologies, Republican Senator and presidential candidate Barry Goldwater called the Trilateral Commission: “A skillful, coordinated effort to seize control and consolidate the four centers of power: political, monetary, intellectual, and ecclesiastical in the creation of a worldwide economic power superior to the political governments of the nation-states involved.” The Brzezinski Plan for new democracy is the liberal world order’s plan for humanity. It’s a process that’s been going on for decades, one centered around and dependent on the puppet President Donald Trump. You see, I believe it is Trump’s mission to utterly destroy the very social class of people he is supported by. It is the only idea that makes sense if you examine the loosed cannon idiocy of an otherwise shrewd businessman. What better way to bury the working class who have been bred, reared, and marginalized into mediocrity than to create a revolution against everything they stood for? The Confederate flag, the statues of heroes, the race issues resurfacing, riots, discord, snarling and biting at anyone and anything that is not TRUMP! Real Death, Real Fear, Real Monopolization For this Technetronic Era to culminate in a Utopia for the ruling classes, a pandemic was set loose, a very special kind of virus engineered (probably) for segmenting society. The hard-nosed working class would shun the femininity and weakness of mask-wearing, while the ultra-liberals at the other end of the spectrum would thrive on the morality of caring – and on winning against the callousness of right-wing discord. As I try to explain to those who ask, the situation today is a perfect storm of social upheaval engineered to bring in this new society. You see, both sides of the COVID argument are right – and wrong – at the same instant. This is as it was planned. Bill Gates and his monopoly on vaccines and the health community can hide in plain sight, while Trump’s and Biden’s handlers rake in hundreds of billions playing the dynamic markets. Watching it, at least from my perspective, is like watching the pressure in a boiler build up past the red danger gauge on the outside. In Hitler’s Shadow we find the depth of the US deep state and Brzezinski’s role in the planning for the new world without the Soviets (Russians) in the picture. There’s limited space for describing a CIA operation codenamed AERODYNAMIC which was the forerunner for transformative/revolutionary efforts in the CIS including Georgia, Ukraine, and now Belarus. The reader should understand that Brzezinski, and his father before him, were central figures in a movement to subdue and subdivide the Soviet bloc, and later Russia and her neighbors. No one reading this will know of a man named Mykola Lebed, who operated alongside Joseph Bandera and with the backing of the OSS and later the CIA. He immigrated to the United States because of his importance to the CIA and the deeps state, even though he was in league with the worst Nazis who ever breathed. Brzezinski broadened the scope of AERODYNAMIC, which was in league with former Nazi sympathizers to upend Stalin, and then later Soviet leadership. The history of it is all a deep well no single volume could encapsulate. Again, I have fallen too deep into the rabbit hole of the order, but the reader can observe via this CIA document bearing Brzezinski’s authorship how the plan for today was set in motion decades ago. Trump is destroying the Republican Party for good. Technocrat Bill Gates has monopolized immunization and will leverage it for this new Technetronic Society. The money and power behind this forceful transformation of our society are incalculable, mostly unseen, and probably unstoppable. Think about it, a plan to take over the world put in place decades ago, a plan hardly anyone notices because of its incremental, indomitable, and relentless nature. Sounds conspiratorial, doesn’t it? Well, conspiracies killed Caesar and overthrew the Czar. Conspiracies were the seeds of the American Revolution and the French one too. What? You think control is just a roll of the dice?

[wonderfulworldofmichaelford]

Psycho Analysis: Maxie & Archie

(WARNING! This analysis contains SPOILERS!)

Generation VI of Pokemon had many flaws, and Omega Ruby and Alpha Sapphire are arguably inferior to Emerald in many regards, but one thing is for sure: the remakes took two of the worst, most idiotic villains in the entire franchise and made them into interesting, likable characters. The original Maxie and Archie had the most needlessly nonsensical plans imaginable, resorting to ludicrous acts of eco-terrorism for ridiculously stupid goals; in the remakes, their reasoning is expanded upon and instead of merely being the poor man’s Team Rocket, Archie and Maxie and their respective teams became respectable and engaging antagonists.

Motivation/Goals: In the original games, well, let’s just say that these two had some of the stupidest plans imaginable. Archie wanted to flood the world with water so that people and Pokemon could live together, and Maxie wanted to expand the landmasses for a similar reason. The thing is, there plans make absolutely zero sense, particularly the part with the meteor and the volcano. It makes even less sense for Archie, but with Maxie it’s just dumb as all hell. How do you expect to expand the landmass by erupting a volcano in the middle of the continent, ding-dong?! But again, Archie isn’t much better, because he’s clearly not thinking through the ramifications of flooding the planet and expanding the seas. These two are morons no matter what way you slice it.

Thankfully, the remakes polish their motivations and refine them, while still keeping them as eco-terrorists so you don’t feel too bad about thwarting them. Archie wants to return the world to nature, acting as a force of vengeance against the people who have encroached on Pokemon habitats and polluted the sea; meanwhile, Maxie wants to expand the landmasses to further humanity’s progress at the expense of Pokemon, with him viewing peaceful coexistence as foolish and something that holds humanity back. These are pretty complex and interesting arguments that they put forth, but again, this is a children’s RPG series, so they’re eco-terrorists you gotta defeat before they destroy the world. At the very least, the remakes do show that as misguided as the two are, they’re still pretty noble and more well-intentioned than other villains in the franchise.

Personality: It’s not even worth going over the originals, because they’re pretty flat, bland characters who are just there to be the boss you fight to progress the story. There are some elements that got recycled into the remakes, such as their remorse over their terrorist actions as well as their genuine love for their Pokemon (as evidenced by the fact that both use Crobat), but that’s about it.

In the remakes, both are very distinct and fun characters. Archie is now a friendly foe, a buff and handsome pirate who is quite chummy with the player despite their opposition to him. It’s absolutely clear that he loves Pokemon, and apparently as children he and Shelly were even pals with Jirachi! He’s also pretty damn smart, seeing as he easily outmaneuvers Maxie at every turn in Alpha Sapphire. Maxie, while still courteous, is rather aloof and stoic, rarely showing emotion until he’s beaten in battle.While he doesn’t have quite as much going on as Archie, he still marks a nice contrast to the boisterous pirate by being a calm, collected scientist.

Final Fate: In the originals, both regret their actions upon seeing the destruction that Kyogre and Groudon unleash upon the Hoenn region, and return the orbs to Mt. Pyre to make amends. In the remakes it’s about the same, though they hand the orb to the player and will even join your side in battles in the Battle Maison after the Delta Episode comes to a close.

Best Scene: Obviously any battle with them, particularly the climactic battles in Emerald and the remakes. The original designs in general had pretty awesome showdowns during Gen VII’s Rainbow Rocket plotline as well.

Best Quote: These quotes, which handily sum up what they’re about:

"The land... It is the stage upon which humanity stands. The land exists so we humans might continue onward and upward, stepping into the future... For us to continue growing and evolving, humans require a grand stage upon which to stand. A land upon which we can stride forward... A land we can explore...develop...exploit... This is the basis for the growth of all human endeavor. That is why we, Team Magma, must increase the landmass of the world! Believe that this will lead to a future of eternal happiness for humanity... And consequently for all life!"

"The sea is an irreplaceable treasure for every living thing on this planet. But with our selfish extravagance, humanity dirties the great ocean, destroying this source of all life... Day by day, we're all destroying our most precious resource! If we humans suffer from our actions, well, maybe we'll end up getting what we deserve. But what about the Pokémon in our world? The Pokémon that no longer have a place to live because we stole and soiled their seas? The Pokémon that won't have a place to raise their young and watch them grow? We are creating a world in which innocent Pokémon suffer as a result of our actions... And that is something that I can't forgive! That's why I came to a decision, see? The foolish actions of my fellow humans, the seas we have blighted, nature itself... I will return everything to its unspoiled beginnings!"

I’m sure you can guess who said what.

Final Thoughts & Score: Archie and Maxie are relatively simple antagonists, but I think they played their roles well enough. As bad as their original versions were, they served as a nice step up from the more lowkey plots of Team Rocket and helped raise the stakes for the series, introducing teams that wanted to harness the powers of legendary Pokemon to destroy or reshape the world to their liking. And hey, even if the originals are pretty lame, at the very least in one alternate timeline their visions come true and they get to join up with Team Rainbow Rocket right before their deaths.

The versions from the remakes are easily the superior ones though, because not only do they fix the numerous idiotic flaws that the originals had in their plans, but they expand and add more flavor to the original characters while still maintaining the elements that worked about them in the first place. Archie is definitely the more impressive one; I find him to be a much more interesting and intriguing personality, especially because of his relationship with his cohorts and his mysterious childhood friendship with Jirachi. Remake Archie earns a nice 8/10 because of this.

Maxie, while a character I definitely find less fun than Archie, is still an incredibly solid antagonist and leagues better than his original iteration, so I think a 7/10 is warranted in his case. At any rate, both are better than the original white bread morons who antagonized the players of the Gen III games, who pretty handily earn a 4/10 each. They’re by no means the bottom of the barrel, but they’re idiotic schemes are so poorly planned that they make Captain Planet’s villains look like Mensa in comparison. Frankly their showing in the Rainbow Rocket plot is the only thing that keeps them from a 3, and even that’s a bit suspect because it isn’t the exact same Archie and Maxie of the Gen III games, just versions of those villains who succeeded.

Regardless, it’s hard to deny these two managed to get one of the most impressive glow-ups of the franchise after years of being overshadowed by the next generation’s villain.